#jk the hurt happened a long time ago but our boys got issues

[reverieaudios]

Mmkay, so you want to hurt the dragon

I don't know how many Desmond fans are on here, but he's coming up next on Saturday. Unfortunately I'm completely incapable of making a decision so if you could help me out that would be excellent lol

[btschooseafic]

Hey you, what’s your dream?

Pairing: platonic!oc x ot7

Details: manager!oc, predebut/idolverse, partial BTS World!verse

Summary: Aviva gets pissed off at an executive.

Warnings: This is a fictional story based on real events. The characters presented here are not the same as their real life counterparts. (TW: discussion of body shaming/ body image issues) [Masterlist]

Track 19: Valentine’s Day

Sour Candy- Lady Gaga & BLACKPINK

“I'm sour candy

So sweet then I get a little angry”

February 14th, 2013

Soonyoung woke Aviva with a big wet kiss to her forehead.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” She held out a box of chocolates to the younger girl, beaming. Aviva rubbed her eyes and squinted up at Soonyoung, looming over her in bed. She was wearing a pretty red dress.

Aviva glanced at her phone. “Why are you up and dressed so early? Why are you waking me up so early?”

“I’ve got a pity breakfast hook-up date thing with a friend of a friend,” Soonyoung told her all in one breath. “But he only had time in the early morning, so, like, I wanted to say goodbye to you first.”

Aviva yawned. “Too bad, I was gonna make us a nice breakfast.”

Soonyoung pouted. “I could skip the pity breakfast hook-up date thing and stay with you. You’re more important, and your food tastes just as good as whatever café it is we’re going to, I’m sure.”

Aviva laughed. “Thanks for the flattery, but you should go. You’ve been complaining about how horny you’ve been lately.”

“True.” Soonyoung nodded. “Okay, I’ll go, but you do something fun for yourself today too, okay, girl?” Aviva shrugged. “Do it! I’m gonna call Hobi and make him bully you until you do!”

“Well, that’s no fun…” Aviva muttered.

Later that morning, Aviva went to the dorm as usual, to pick everyone up for their day of work. Jimin sat in the passenger’s seat next to her, unusually quiet and wearing his scarf covering his face.

“He got a cold cause he didn’t dress warmly enough when we went home for the holidays,” Jungkook told her, noticing her glancing at him every so often.

“Agh, Kookie, you didn’t have to tell her that!” Jimin protested hoarsely.

“It’s okay, manager, we still have plenty of that throat care stuff you gave us a while ago, so we’ve been testing everything that was left out on Jiminie,” Jin told her.

“Testing…?” Aviva wondered. Jimin grimaced.

“Nothing’s working,” he told her quietly.

“Hmmm. I’ve also got some special tea Soonie’s grandmother gave us over the holidays,” Aviva told him. “If you wanted to try that.” He shrugged.

“I’ll try anything at this point.” He stared at his feet. “I’m supposed to be an idol, how can I do that if I can’t sing?”

“Yah,” Namjoon said lightly.

“You can sing, Namjoon-ah,” Aviva said. He smiled at her. “...sort of.”

“Yah,” Namjoon said, again, now looking more offended.

“You could just be the hot dancer, Jiminie,” Tae suggested.

“Hmm, but Hobi-hyung,” Jimin pointed out. “And you and Kookie aren’t that bad either, Tae. Hmm, and Yoongi-hyung, sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” Yoongi wondered. Jungkook grinned as Namjoon frowned.

“Yah!” Jin said, his face squeezing up as he swung his arms around. “Joon-ah and I can be hot dancers too!” Namjoon snickered.

“You’d still be the cutest one, Jiminie,” Hoseok told him. Jimin frowned.

At the office, Jimin, Hoseok, and Jungkook went to dance practice, while Tae, Jin, and JK went to vocal practice, and Yoongi and Namjoon went to work on writing more songs. Aviva had a meeting with marketing, and then went to check on Jimin.

She found two girls waiting outside the dance studio, whispering and giggling. Aviva recognized them as some of the newer trainees, who were already fans of BTS, the maknae line in particular. They jumped when they saw her, trying to hide something behind their backs. They were holding boxes of chocolate.

Aviva smiled. “It’s alright, girls. I won’t tell the higher ups if you want to give the boys chocolates. Just don’t let their heads get too big.”

They giggled. “Thanks, manager-nim!”

“Do you mind if I wait around with you? I wanted a word with my clients.”

They shook their heads. The girls waited together in silence for a few minutes, before Aviva started up conversation again, asking what kind of chocolates they got, and how their training was going.

By the time the boys finally came out of the studio, she had given the girls her number and told them to call her if they ever had any trouble.

Jungkook and Jimin blushed as the girls handed over the chocolate boxes and then rushed off. Hoseok sighed.

“None for me?”

“You’re too old,” Jungkook told him ruthlessly. Hoseok winced.

“Aish, Avi, you’ll get me chocolate, right?”

Aviva made a noncommittal noise. Hoseok whined as the younger boys laughed.

“What’s on our schedule next?” Jimin wondered, his voice still raw.

“I’ve got vocal practice,” Jungkook told him apologetically. Jimin winced.

“I was gonna join Yoongi-hyung and Namjoon-ah if you want to come, Jiminie,” Hoseok offered. He hesitated.

“Or you can come rest in my office,” Aviva offered. “I’m just going to be working on my computer for a while, so it’ll be quiet.”

“…Okay,” Jimin said. “I could use a nap.”

As they neared her office, Aviva spotted a higher-up the boys had been having trouble with recently. She automatically shifted her body in front of Jimin, trying to hide him, but the employee saw him anyway.

“Ah, Jimin-ssi…” He sneered down at the box of chocolates. “Are you sure that’s wise?” Jimin stiffened. “You’re supposed to be having a debut soon, and they say that the camera adds twenty—”

“You have no right to speak to my client that way!” Aviva snapped. The official stared at her.

“Excuse me?”

“No. I have excused your behavior long enough,” she thought.

“Avi…” Jimin whispered worriedly behind her, gripping her arm.

“I understand that this is a competitive industry, but you have no right to say purposefully harmful things to a growing teenage boy!” She drew herself up to her full height, which was several inches shorter than the man. “How would you feel if someone had spoken to you like that when you were his age? Or is that exactly what happened? Are you stuck in a vengeful cycle because you were hurt as a child and never able to grow past it?”

“You have gone too far!” The man said, pointing his finger in her face. “I will have you fired for this! Or at the very least, suspended without pay!”

He stomped off down the hall.

“…You shouldn’t have said that,” Jimin said, looking a little tearful. “What if he really gets you fired? I mean, he’s not wrong about the chocolate, even if he could’ve said it more nicely—”

“No!” She said sharply. Jimin flinched. Aviva took a deep breath. “Jiminie, I’m sorry, I’m…” She rubbed her temples. “It’s not just you, he’s been saying comments like that to all of the boys, and to trainees even younger than you… I know people say things like that all the time, but he is definitely the worst I’ve ever personally met.”

Jimin studied her for a moment.

“Walk with me,” he said, taking her arm again.

“Where are we going?” She wondered, glancing around the hall.

“Hey, noona, I know you were standing up for us, and others, and I’m grateful for that… but it sounded a little personal too. Is there…” He massaged his throat. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

She frowned. “I’m here to help you, not talk about myself.”

“You don’t have to,” he said. “But if you want to... talking to you helps me, a lot. I just want to return the favor. You don’t always have to shoulder everything, you know, just because you’re the manager. You’re my friend too, and I care about you.”

“Jiminie...” She groaned as he stared wide-eyed at her. “Oh, not the puppy dog eyes!” He grinned. “Fine, but keep it quiet, okay? I don’t like to talk about it much.”

“I don’t want to force you—“

“It’s not that.” She waved her hand.

“I just don’t want certain people to know, so...” She put her finger on her lips. “Okay?” He nodded, sliding his hand down to hers and squeezing. “No one ever said anything, well, not to my face… but sometimes in the changing room people would whisper, and laugh… everywhere in the media, and most of the women surrounding me at work, on the train, at the store… They’re just a lot… smaller.” She frowned down at herself. “I get that there are different challenges facing body image as a Korean man in an idol group, and especially a dancer,” she said, looking at him grimly. “But for me, my main issue is feeling too big, like I take up too much space. Especially when I moved here...”

“Idols are pushed to be skinny,” Jimin agreed. “Just as much as contemporary dancers in general, though for some different reasons, it mostly boils down to not fitting an image someone decided was the ideal long ago.” He reached out, pushing her hair back from her face. “I think we’re both gorgeous, so fuck them.” She laughed. “I’m serious.” He pouted.

“I know, thanks, Jiminie.” She looked up, realizing he’d led her to the studio. “Why are we here?”

“Cause we’re gonna ask the hyungs to help you keep your job,” Jimin said. Her eyes widened. She shook her head.

“Jimin-ah, no, I don’t want to drag them down with me.”

“Too bad.” He pulled the door open, dragging her with him. “We’re with you all the way, whether you like it or not.”

Hoseok and Yoongi had been so angry when they heard what happened that Namjoon had Jin take them home early. Jin had to basically drag them out of the room. Jungkook, Jimin, and Tae practically had to sit on Aviva to get her to stay in the studio while Namjoon left to talk to the higher-ups.

“I talked them down to three days unpaid suspension, and no mention of it on your permanent record,” he told them when he got back to the studio. He snorted when he saw Aviva’s hair, mussed from her running her fingers through it so much. He combed it down absentmindedly with his fingers.

“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I mean, I still kind of wish you hadn’t, but… thanks.” She looked at Jimin. “You too.”

“And we get to walk back, since Jin-hyung took the van!” Jungkook said happily.

Taehyung groaned. “No… I’m tired…”

“We still have several hours left, guys,” Namjoon told them. He looked at Aviva. “Ah, they want you out of here ASAP though, just in case he sees you and tries to complain again.”

“Got it.” She nodded. “I’ll go to the dorm and grab my car.”

“You don’t have to,” Namjoon said. “You can go home and rest. Jin-hyung can drop it off tomorrow.” She waved her hand.

“You know I won’t be able to sit around and rest while everyone else is working hard.”

“Well, you deserve some rest, but… yeah, I know you’re not the type.” He shook his head, smiling fondly at her back as she left.

Aviva was surprised when she walked into the dorm and Yoongi greeted her with a hug.

“They shouldn’t have done that to you,” he growled in her ear.

“Now, now, all’s well that ends well,” Jin said pleasantly. “Do you want a snack to cheer you up, Avi-yah? Maybe something sweet.”

Yoongi pulled away from her, his lips twitching slightly.

“You do deserve a treat.”

“For getting in trouble with my sunbaenims?” She wondered.

“Well, for that—” Yoongi agreed.

“Fuck the man!” Hoseok cried out from behind them, punching the air.

Aviva laughed.

“And also… for standing up for us,” Yoongi continued, more quietly. “Come on.” He took her hand. “I’ll take you out for one of those ridiculously expensive coffees you secretly like.”

“No, it’s waste of money,” she argued.

“Not for you,” he argued back.

“It’s fine,” she said. “I appreciate the thought, but I don’t want you wasting your money on me… especially when I’ve just been suspended without pay for a couple of days… just… I’m sure I can find something in the kitchen, let’s make something together.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened.

“You want to…cook with me?”

“Eh, I’m so jealous,” Jin said. “Sounds fun.”

“Baking, more likely,” she said. “But yeah, if that sounds okay with you, it would probably help me take my mind off things.”

“Okay.” He nodded, his face flushed slightly. “Let’s do it.”

Yoongi seemed a little disappointed to be making a chocolate cake for the boys, but once they started he got really into it.

Aviva offered him the bowl to lick, but he shook his head, staring at the cake in the oven in interest.

“It’s not going to bake any faster if you watch it,” she told him, her lips twitching in amusement. He shrugged. “Okay, well, don’t burn yourself. I’m going to clean up—”

“Wait!” Jin ran in, closely followed by Hoseok.

“We heard something about cake batter!”

“You can have it if you help me clean up,” Aviva bargained.

“Fine,” Hobi said, making grabby hands at her. “Just hand it over.”

“Dishes first,” she told him.

“Namjoon…” Aviva said over the phone that night. She heard him gulp.

“Aviva?”

“About that song you just posted to Soundcloud…”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“You do know there are rules against explicit content, right? And that the new Head of Marketing is aiming you specifically towards a younger audience?”

“Ah, so here’s the thing. I may have lost a bet with Hope-ah and the punishment was to record and post a song with lyrics that were, um…”

Aviva sighed, massaging her temples. “Okay, so both you and Hoseokie are in trouble, got it.”

“Is it really that bad?” He wondered.

“Honestly, I think it’s hilarious,” she told him. “But I don’t think Chief Ho Kyungso will agree. I miss Sanghoon-sunbae, at least he could take a joke…”

“Hilarious?” Namjoon repeated. “It’s supposed to be sexy!”

Aviva laughed.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

dan made me do it

(lol jk, but like i have Feelings(tm) about my sexuality and everything & figure this is the best time and place to do it...)

So I figured out I was bisexual a little over 5 years ago, after discovering it was a legitimate thing I could call myself whilst being on tumblr (2014 was a big time for lgbt discourse, especially in terms of the various terms and labels, most of which I hadn’t been familiar with...)... but tbh, I’d been trying to come to terms with who I was in terms of my sexuality for a long time

I grew up in a religious house (my parents were jehovah’s witnesses), but I never really remember anything vaguely homophobic being thrown around? And even if it did exist, I wouldn’t have been aware of it since I never had any question or doubt in my mind about the fact I was attracted to boys (I’d had a rly intense crush on this one boy for about 5 years through primary and secondary school... I still sometimes see his pics on facebook & u know what? I still would lol anyway...) my early days in school were mostly taken up by trying to get friends not be a total recluse (I’ve always had trouble making friends and connecting to people it’s no biggie it’ ss fineee........ ok carry on>>)

So going into secondary school I never felt that I was anything other than straight? But one thing I vividly remember was the way people in my year treated girls that were suspected to be gay... in short? they were seen as ‘dirty’... it was something perverted, and highly sexualised... (as in: being a lesbian meant masturbating a lot... (i mean: this says something about wider misogyny & demonising of female pleasure but like.. another time, another time) & also making out loads with other girls)...  like no one ever came up and said ‘being gay is wrong’, but whenever rumours spread about a girl being suspected as gay and they didn’t deny them, people would suddenly start whispering about them... & it’s super strange to me that this was the same culture that if two female friends were really close and got labelled as gay, but came out and were like ‘oh no we’re straight ha ha we just kiss at parties and touch each others boobs’ or whatever, people would be completely ok with it?

So I never really gave myself the opportunity to go into this... I was never comfortable enough to be super ‘close’ to any of my female friends (intimacy issues: we don’t have to to get into all THAT right now though lol ahahaha....ha...) & I knew I wasn’t so called ‘skanky’ like all the girls who were labelled as being actually gay...

& this was all happening as I found myself actually being interested in looking at girls... (like what can I say? boobs are friggin nice to look at lol...) But i always saw it as innocent intrigue, since I was only 11/12 at the time so hadn’t grown into my own at the time... and the fact I felt more comfortable being touched by or talking to or like literally doing anything with girls? it’s just cos boys are gross there’s no other reason behind it!!.... right?

I think a big thing is that a lot of girls are so open with each other... like they’ll compliment each other’s boobs or asses, or comment on how pretty they are or their makeup skills or whatever.. you’ll be hard pressed to find a girl that goes all ‘no homo’ on her friend except.... I feel like that was me lol? I remember getting compliments from other girls about my appearance (didn’t happen often though pffft) or anything really and feeling all mushy inside, and giving the compliments back felt like a big deal to me? idk I suppose all the warning signs were there that hidden under layers of introverted awkwardness was a lil bi demon just waiting to come out lol!

So yadyyada, 2014 happens and I finally realise I’m bi... I just remember reading something on here about bisexuality and being like ‘oh damn yeh... dat me??’... like it felt amazing to be able to finally accept that I actually like girls too?? & one of the first people I told was this guy I became friends with when I first went to college... & he told me he was also bi and I remember thinking ‘wow!!!!! so it’s actually real?! it’s not just something you see on tumblr from random strangers, it’s an actual thing people I know irl experience wowwowowow’... I also came out to another online friend who I was close to, and it felt really amazing... but I could never translate that into actually coming out in real life (not to mention life was kinda shit at this time and I had like 0 friends but hEY, that’s not for now kiddos lol)...

So yeh, I’ve never actually come out to anyone... not properly anyway... I’ve always been very open about my sexuality online, but in real life I’ve never really discussed it with ... anyone? & it’s not because I’m ashamed in anyway, and it’s not even as if I’m that scared I just... I’ve never felt the need to? But after seeing Dan’s video, plus it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, this is something I really wanna do... see; I was so ready to live life just being ‘straight until I maybe get a girlfriend one day’, so ready to only tell people if they ask me but I just realised... isn’t that partly living a lie? who I’m with doesn’t change my sexuality, so why is it something I’m seemingly so scared of declaring to the world??

I vividly have this memory, before I realised I was bi, and I have no idea of why or when or any of the details, but me and my mum were watching something, and bisexuality was mentioned, and either my mum agreed with, or she said something along the lines of ‘bisexuals are more likely to cheat’, and that’s really stuck with me.... it’s something that’s always nagging in the back of my mind, and it... really fucking hurts lol... I know for a fact my mum will love my regardless of who I end up sleeping with or whatever, she may be pretty conservative in her mindset of things but she’s always willing to be open minded which I really love about her... but knowing this inbuilt stereotype of bisexuality is something she both acknowledges and somewhat agrees with is really... sad...

I’m 21 years old, I’ve been in one relationship in my life which only last a few months and involved no kissing and only occasional hand holding because I was too terrified to do any more (again: subject for aNOTHER day lol), and I know for a goddamn FACT that my sexuality would never make me more likely to be unfaithful to someone I claim to love...I really hate that this is associated with the label, but it’s something I know that I am...  why on earth would I change that or try to be something else when I know that /this/ is me!

I think one of the biggest things putting me off ‘coming out’ is having to explain yourself... like dan howell made a 45 minute long video discussing his own sexuality and experiences cos he knew people wouldn’t just accept it if he just tweeted ‘yo dawgs imma queer lol #swag’ one day, and it feels kinda annoying that queer people/lgbtq+ people feel like we can’t just...... be ourselves without having to justify or explain it?! (even me making this post is solidifying that factor lol... it’s a mess lol)... like I just wanna live my life being bi, is that so much to ask for lol?

I am so so SO grateful we have so much more bi, and lgbtq+ in general, representation in media these days.... it’s goddamn beautiful to see our stories, and the stories of our community being told and cherished by millions, and that’s really gotta be something to rejoice in this pride month!!!

(side note: dan also talks about gender identity & I have literally never related to anything more lol... like 90% of the time I don’t feel like what people classify as ‘womanly’ things... but also I am a woman? idk man lol just call me a formless blob or whatever it was he said lol as a baby no one really knew if I was a girl or boy since my mum mainly dressed me in yellow & I had like 2 strands of hairs on my head lol... damn I miss those days lol)

In conclusion (or tl;dr as I’ve seen the Cool people write on their long posts (yes I had to google what it meant shhhh)):

Hi, my name is Xanthe, my username is ‘dangerliesbeforeyou’ here on tumblr because I made it 7 years ago and I wanted to use a cool sounding harry potter quote so I could come across as sophisticated but also nerdy, I’m a 21 year old female (mostly?) and I am a proud Bisexual...

I’m also single and very ready to mingle if anyone is interested ;;;;;;;;;)

(that’s only half a joke lol... plz romance me I’m v lonely)

[laurasauras]

so, i think the main thing that bothers me about crimes of grindelwald is that it reinforces this idea that’s been bothering me for a while and that’s my growing disillusionment with jk rowling. this is a loooong post, so i’m chucking it under a cut. tl;dr, i've fallen out of love with the series and much like falling out of love with a person makes you realise that they were always kind of annoying, that’s what’s happening to me with her.

everyone and their dog (with the exception of jk herself) has realised that her inability to leave the books she wrote alone has stifled a fandom space that was one of the first wide spread communities that was outright encouraged to create and this is objectively a bad thing. the fact that her fans are being told the “correct” and “canon” answers to their big questions in the series is objectively a bad thing. fandom as a concept is a collection of people dedicated to consuming media in a deeper way; we reject the notion of passive viewing and search for meaning in the way that our high school teachers would be delighted in. i think enough people have talked about that that i don’t particularly need to.

here’s the thing that’s just hit me though: the saying “don’t meet your heroes” used to feel like a far off concept, because i wasn’t doing anything special enough to justify ever meeting my favourite author, and for over a decade if you asked me the “who would you have dinner with if it could be anyone in the world?” my answer was probably her. except now that has happened.

to clarify, i haven’t had dinner with jk rowling. but thanks to twitter, it kind of feels like i have. and the story goes the same way the cautionary “don’t meet your heroes” story always goes in sit coms. for the first half hour of dinner i was delighted to hear more about her thoughts when writing the harry potter series and learn tid bits that she never included. she mentioned the charity work she does, said she supported me no matter what and highlighted enough issues that gave me the impression that not only was my favourite author just as engaging in “real life”, she was also a good person. for the next little bit she showed me what else she was working on and i have always loved her writing style, so i enjoyed that too. i looked forward to seeing where she was going from there, to what new stories i could enjoy as i grew older.

and then she started talking about harry potter again. i was glad, at first. i thought i could never hear enough about it. but cursed child was bad. i like reading plays, i knew that wasn’t the issue. i decided that she had put her name on it but she had delegated the story to other people because i couldn’t quite connect the baby’s first fanfiction storyline with the woman i had grown to know over the rest of the dinner. and fantastic beasts was ... good? but so wholly unnecessary. i decided that she just wanted to keep giving to charity and this was how she was doing it. 

and then, just when i was starting to hint that the dinner party was over and she could leave now, five minutes ago (really i just wanted to go to bed and pretend like the only things i’d ever heard for her were the words written in her books), it all clicked into place.

they’re all the same story.

harry potter was so successful because children connected deeply with the idea that one day a giant would knock on the door and take them away from the bullies and the boredom and into a world of magic. harry was an average boy who made mistakes and yet did remarkable things. and harry potter is, really, a very long, very detailed fairy tale. once upon a time there was a boy who lived with his wicked aunt and uncle. this is how he saved the world.

(i could easily make this argument for the casual vacancy and the cormoran strike books as well, but i’m going to stick with the newly franchised “wizarding world” for clarity.)

spoilers below for cursed child, fantastic beasts and crimes of grindelwald.

in cursed child, there were a lot of minor problems that niggled at me that are very similar to the things that niggle me about the twitter feed of jk rowling, she seemed intent on retconning her novels to have more meaning, in name dropping this, that and the other as if providing her fans with the ability to go “oh! it’s the trolley lady! i remember her! how cool that she’s significant and also a horrifying monster!” but my major grievance was with the “twist” that voldemort had had a daughter with bellatrix lestrange (in what time, seriously, when did she have the 9 months to spare) and she was going to bring her daddy back to wreak havoc. and this to me seemed like yet another “the ordinary person is more significant than you thought!” story, which seemed lazy. why did delphini have to be related to the two biggest villains in order to want to bring voldemort back? could she think of no other reason for someone to want that? (no, she couldn’t, she couldn’t think of any reason to siding with him in the first place other than “they’re the bad guys, the slytherins”.)

(another grievance i have is that jk rowling has no idea how to write a realistic villain. or rather, when she does succeed in empathising with why someone would hurt another person, she refuses to see them as a villain. snape and dumbledore would make very interesting antagonists, but she’d much rather have “he was conceived under a love potion and therefore is incapable of love” be a reason for doing great harm than “people have been telling him he was a fantastic person since he got top of his class in transfiguration and he is sure that he could make the world better if only people would do as he says without questioning him ever”. side note: jude law absolutely nailed the manipulative dumbledore vibe in crimes of grindelwald, that was literally the only good part of the film, that and the jangly cat toy thing.)

and okay, that was fine, i was just going to pretend that cursed child never existed. i think i am not alone in that camp. and the first fantastic beasts story was pretty good, nothing to write home about or like, remember after you’ve watched it, but a fine way to spend a couple of hours. and then she pulled the same move with crimes of grindelwald!

oh, guess what, this boy who was the main character in the first movie and now has no personality in the second movie, yeah, him, the one who was abused and who tried to hide his magic but it came out in explosive ways, yeah, he was dumbledore’s little brother the whole time.

because he couldn’t just be any abused kid. because again, the fact that it doesn’t make sense and the timeline does not fit is irrelevant. it’s punchy, it’s another name drop, it’s gonna make the audience gasp. i mean, it made me and the friend i saw the movie with laugh out loud, but the intention was there.

how could the perfect dumbledore family abandon a child like that? hey, this is starting to sound exactly like the tragic and complicated backstory we already got in deathly hallows! and hey, wasn’t that already kind of a reference to the way harry himself was treated?

i’m just tired. i’m tired of this new laziness making me re-examine the original series and realise just how shallow that was too. i’m tired of liking fanfiction more than any of the things she’s written. i’m tired of well meaning family and friends buying me harry potter mugs and slippers and whatever else for christmas because i was in love with this franchise from the age of 7 and i don’t have the heart to explain that the increasing consumerism of it is one of the many reasons that my love is firmly in the past tense now.

so, i don’t think i’ll be touching my harry potter fanfics for a while. it sucks to officially abandon projects i spent so many hours on but i went to try and reread so i could continue one and i’m tired of that world. i hope it isn’t forever. the books were such a huge part of my childhood and have absolutely influenced me as a writer. but for now, we’re on a break.

[klimpaloon-loves-superwholock]

I know this is a bit late, and I don’t usually make original posts, but I want to gather my thoughts on VLD s7, even though I literally never participate in fandom discourse lol. So I guess we’ll see how this goes. 

There were great parts of this season. Let’s start with that. 

First of all, Hunk was incredible and I’m so glad he finally got an arc where he could shine, even if I feel like it was long overdue. Seriously, I feel like Hunk was the best part of this season and I cannot state enough how much effect he had on my overall impression of the season. He basically carried the season singlehandedly and I don’t understand why searching through the tag rn I can hardly find any appreciation for him this season. (yeah jk I know why ha)

Everything they did with the Paladins’ families (from Hunk’s arc about rescuing his parents to Lance reuniting with his family and his relationship with Veronica to freaking Colleen!!!! just straight up stealing the show for two episodes!!! What an icon I love her so much!) was absolutely perfect. (I will say I’ve seen speculation that Hunk’s sister and her kids died since they weren’t there in his hospital room, which I desperately hope is not the case since that really should have been mentioned.) 

I also loved seeing Shiro take charge and become Captain of the Atlas without even seeming to realize that he was the man for the job. 

Sendak was a formidable and interesting villain who raised the stakes, which made it more satisfying when they defeated him. 

I enjoyed getting to know Romelle more and see her in action.

Coran and the mice’s team up to break out the rest of the gang was very good and funny.

KOSMO!!!!!!! A GOOD PUPPY!!!!!! HE HAS A NAME!! I LOVE HIM SO!!!

I enjoyed seeing Lotor’s ex-generals again (because I love them), although I do have some issues which I’ll get to later.

The new characters they introduced, mainly Rizavi, Leifsdottir, Kinkade, Veronica, and Griffin were all great and I loved them! They did a great job of making me care about these new people. (And Kinkade is drawn so pretty what the heck y’all sleepin on this beautiful dude)

Seriously Colleen was so great I cannot stress this enough. I’ve been feeling for this poor woman who thought that she’d lost her whole family since season 1 so I’m so glad to finally see her in action, fighting for her family and her planet.

They did a good job of setting up Admiral Sanda’s inevitable betrayal, even if it was a really stupid thing for her to do.

Ep 5 was great; I was super excited to see what the Druids looked like under their masks, Macidus and Keith’s teleporting fight was awesome, and it’s always great to see Allura’s magic develop more, even when I wish it wasn’t so unclear how/what she’s doing.

Lots of the fights were so cool, from the Voltron team taking down the Galra drones in the cave system in Ep 2 to all the MFE fights to Shiro’s rematch against Sendak to even Voltron’s fight against the Robeast. These fights, I’ve noticed, are always especially cool when they unlock a new ability like Hunk’s turrets and Voltron’s double swords. Also I forgot how strong Alteans are until Romelle just straight up ripped apart a drone.

As much as I overall didn’t like The Feud as an episode, it did have some great moments with Pidge taking down Bob, Allura and Hunk being cute in the background, and the team being overall really supportive and loving of each other. 

Shay came to visit Hunk!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, as you may have guessed, I also have a lot of problems with this season. Ones that, for me, are too serious to ignore. But let’s start with my more minor grievances, then work our way up to the big ones, shall we?

I don’t like Shiro’s new arm. It reminds me too much of Sendak’s and is too bulky/strange looking for for my taste. And for some reason my eyes have a hard time finding it? Like they’re drawn to the light emanating from his shoulder and not the forearm/hand. Idk, but I’m not a fan.

I wish Griffin had apologized to Keith for being such a jerk about his parents. I kept waiting for it since they had all these long glances with each other. I came to like him despite the bad initial impression only because he proved to be a good leader who valued every member of his team and knew when to step aside because someone else was better at a job. But I still kinda needed resolution for his rudeness, especially since he’s obviously grown since then and should want to make amends. 

Admiral Sanda’s just so freaking stupid????? Like, how did she get that high in ranking when she consistently makes such bad decisions???? Clearly the dictator who’s controlling earth who comes from a war-mongering culture that enslaves and destroys planets isn’t just gonna let y’all go once he gets Voltron. He’s either gonna continue using you as slaves because nothing’s stopping him or destroy you because you’re no longer useful. Listen to people who know the Galra better than you!!

I saw somewhere that Matt has a girlfriend now???? When did this happen????

They somehow got the ENTIRE BALMERA to Earth?!!!????!!?!?!?!? How did they build a teleduv big enough to do that!?!

Also, where did they get a teleduv? Did the Atlas have one? Or was that something that they built during the epilogue montage??

How did Keith summon his bayard telepathically?? Was that a Galra thing or a new Paladin ability?

How did Shiro manage to survive falling from space to earth on the outside of a ship while fighting Sendak?? I mean I’m really glad he lived, but??? How??

I don’t think we needed so much time dedicated to Sam Holt updating the Garrison and then the rest of earth on what happened in space. I kinda appreciated it since it’s been a long time since I watched the early seasons, but at the same time he didn’t tell them anything that was new information to us as viewers. The only things we gained from those scenes were how others reacted to this info. (And we still didn’t get to see the reaction of the person I was most interested in, Adam, but I’ll get to that later.)

This is a problem I’ve been having with the show since like season 3 or so, but how much time has passed? They actually explicitly said it at a couple of points this season, what with 3 years having gone by for most people but only a few weeks for the Voltron team, but why did that time difference happen? Also, how much time passed between the team leaving Earth and them fighting Lotor in last season’s finale? Because I could believe any time frame between 6 months to a few years for that, which makes a big difference in how old the paladins are. According to the show, Sam landed on earth 4 years before the team gets back to the Milky Way, so I guess Sam left the team a year before they faught Lotor??

I didn’t get the thing with Allura’s crown gem? Since when is that a power source? And I was really struck by the imagery of her literally throwing her crown away to help her friend, but I feel like it would’ve been more powerful if we had been given some information about what exactly that gem is and what it means for her. Just make this more clear for me. Also, Shiro has already lashed out and hurt people against his will, so I really didn’t need that angsty moment for him.

The B-plot in Ep 1 was tonally dissonant from the A-plot of Shiro’s flashbacks, and it ended up being totally useless anyway. As much as I enjoyed Romelle and Hunk’s banter in those parts, they would’ve been better placed somewhere else. They should’ve just dedicated the whole episode to Shiro’s flashbacks and given us more information about him.

If they were going to mention that Shiro had a progressive disease in his flashbacks, then they need to explicitly mention in the show that he doesn’t have it anymore. As it is, people who don’t know about the SDCC announcements are just gonna assume he still has it. If it doesn’t happen in the show, it’s not canon. Also, if he’s had this disease the whole time, then why is s7 the first time it’s mentioned? The way he held his arm in the flashback reminded me of the way he held it when his Galra arm activated for the first time. Did the arm help fight the progression of the disease like that lil wristband did? If so, that should’ve been explained and made clear a long time ago. It just bothers me that this is the first time we’re hearing about this major part of Shiro’s life that he’s been fighting with, and that in show we’re given absolutely no resolution for it.

I guess the gem powering Shiro’s arm and the Castleship diamond powering the Atlas connected somehow?? Which is how Shiro turned it into a giant robot?     ??????????????? I’m genuinely very confused on what was going on there. It needed to be made more clear. I was on board for whatever they were doing at first just because Shiro looked so pretty in that lighting, but they took it in the weirdest direction possible. Why would anyone care about Voltron anymore when you’ve got a bigger, stronger robot now? Voltron’s no longer the most powerful weapon in the universe - the Atlas is. And it only became such by coincidence. Which is just. Irritating.

The Feud episode. Oh boy. First of all, I got some serious emotional whiplash from the change to this episode. It just didn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the season at all. Second, they just really did not have to spend that much time making fun of Lance for being stupid. Especially when he’s not. Also, the first two of the people he had to identify had masks on, and Lance had only met them briefly. ALSO you’re telling me that Lance, the most social and outgoing of the Voltron team, is the one who’s bad with names/faces????? ALSO spending less time teasing Lance would’ve opened up more time for giving Hunk and Allura their own activities. ALSO everyone else on the team gets a little speech about how they’re valuable, but Lance just gets “I don’t want to be stuck with him forever”?????? That’s so freaking messed up. Third, the whole premise of the episode was strange to me. Like why would an all powerful being who tests heroes do it in this way? It seems to me that that premise fits Ep 6, where they were stranded in space, much better. They were genuinely tested then, and the forces that attacked them and propelled them through lightyears of space were never explained, so saying that Bob did it and propelled them towards their goal as a reward for passing the test could’ve been a satisfying answer to those questions. And fourth, can I also ask why Morvok was the fourth player?? Like he’s a nonentity in terms of villains. And they still didn’t have the same number of players as team Voltron. Haggar’s still alive, so they could’ve put Sendak on there too. And for the fifth player they could’ve put on a fan favorite villain character. One who showed up in more episodes than Morvok did. One who died a while back and who the fans have wanted to see again ever since. Like, I don’t know, NARTI!! Ugh.

The Robeast. I just. This season could’ve ended on a pretty high note if they had just cut that out and just went straight to the lil epilogue after defeating Sendak. As cool as that fight was at parts, it caused a pretty low finale, which is pretty disappointing after last season’s incredible finale. I get that they needed to foreshadow Haggar’s return to this fight or whatever they’re doing for next season and that she’s been working on the lost Alteans, apparently, but it was just a strange note to end on. Especially with the weird addition of Atlas to the Giant Robot Squad. And Allura’s line “Seriously? We just defeated Sendak and now we gotta deal with this?!?!” (I’m paraphrasing) was a MOOD.

Okay, so this post has gotten kinda out of control, so I’m gonna have to save the biggest issue I had (betcha can guess what it is) for another post. So. Look out for Part 2 of this nonsense. Feel free to reblog with your own ideas/input!

[xox0britto]

a good ol myspace/quarantine survey :)

1. Last beverage: 

- white claw (lemon)

2. Last phone call:

- mommy

3. Last song you listened to:

- super trapper / future

4. Last time you cried:

probably when this lock down started :,)

5. Have you dated someone twice:

unfortunately. 

6. Have you ever been cheated on:

yes

7. Kissed someone & regretted it:

learning experiences.

8. Have you lost someone special:

unfortunately.

9. What are your three favorite colors:

pink, maroon and navy!

10. Met someone who changed you in the past month:

no one.

11. Kissed anyone on your friends list:

friends list? I don’t believe so..

12. How many kids do you want:

two.

13. Do you want any pets:

two kitties!

14. Do you want to change your name:

nah

15. What did you do for your last birthday:

went out on the down w/ frans

16. What time did you wake up today:

almost 1pm bc ya know..quarantine.

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for:

getting back to work and seeing my friends!

18. Last time you saw your mother:

two or three weeks ago?

19. Most visited webpage:

amazon.

20. Nicknames:

whitney, britt, b.

21. Relationship status:

sinnngle 

22. Zodiac sign:

virgo 

23. Male or female:

I’m a chick.

24. Height:

5′5

25. Do you have a crush on someone:

hmmmmm idk I don’t think so

26. Piercings:

the sound of my voice. jk. ears.

27. Tattoos:

6 of those bad boys.

28. Strong or Weak:

I would have to say I’m strong for the most part. 

FIRSTS

29. First surgery:

never had one! *knock on wood*

30. First best friend:

emmy!

31. First sport you joined:

0. wasn’t a fan of sports.

32. First vacation:

my cruise back in 2010.

33. First school:

applewood.

34. First pair of trainers:

uh

WHICH IS BETTER

35. Lips or eyes:

eyes.

36. Hugs or kisses:

both.

37. Shorter or taller:

taller.

38. Older or younger:

eh...idk it depends.

39. Romantic or spontaneous:

spontaneous.

40. Sensitive or loud:

sensitive.

41. Hook-up or relationship:

relationship.

42. Shy or outgoing:

both.

HAVE YOU EVER

43. Kissed a stranger:

no.

44. Gotten a speeding ticket:

yes :/

45. Lost glasses/contacts:

I don’t wear glasses or contacts but if I did I would prob lose them.

46. Sex on first date:

next question pls.

47. Broken someone's heart:

sadly yes.

48. Been arrested:

unfortunately.

49. Have you turned someone down:

yes.

50. Fallen for a friend:

when I was younger.

51. Moved out of town:

yes but not far.

BELIEVE IN

52. Miracles:

yes.

53. Love at first sight:

yes.

54. Heaven:

something like that.

55. Santa Claus:

no lol.

56. Kiss on the first date:

maybe.

57. Angels:

yes.

58. Yourself:

yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time:

negative.

60. Been in love with someone you couldn't be with?:

yes.

61. Ever cheated on somebody:

learning experiences. 

62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?:

hmmm maybe 2 years ago. that was a chill time in my life.

63. Are you afraid of falling in love:

sometimes.

64. Was your last relationship a mistake?

again, learning experiences.

65. Do you miss your last relationship?

no.

66. Who did you last say “i love you” to?

mom.

67. Have you ever been depressed?

yes. 

68. Are you insecure?

at some aspects of life.

69. How do you want to die?

painlessly and old.

70. Do you bite your nails?

no.

71. When was your last physical fight?

a long time.

72. Do you have an attitude?

some would say yes.

73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti?

twirl.

74. Do you tan a lot?

in the summertime yes.

75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving?

of course.

76. Ever made out in a bathroom?

mhm.

77. Would you take any of your exes back?

no.

78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

yes.

79. What are your plans for this weekend?

a big fat lovely amount of nothing important.

80. Do you type fast?

I do.

81. Can you spell well?

yes unless alcohol is involved.

82: What are you craving right now?

chips and salsa.

83. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes.

84. Would you live with someone without marrying them?

I have.

85. What’s irritating you right now?

I’m pretty stoned so nothing :)

86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?

no lol.

87. Does somebody love you?

I would like to think so. 

88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car?

yes. many times on car trips to OU or OSU lol

89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate?

milk.

90. Do you have trust issues?

unfortunately. 

91. Longest relationship?

4yrs.

92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?

idk.

93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs?

oh yes.

94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

yes.

95. Did you have dream last night?

yes and it was absolutely bananas.  

96. Have you ever been out of state?

yes.

97. Do you play the Wii?

yes back when it was hot asf back in the day.

98. Do you like Chinese food?

love it!

99. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes. I’m a baby.

100. Is cheating ever okay?

no.

101. What year has been your best?

2012, 2014 & 2018

102. Do you believe in true love?

yes.

103. Favorite weather?

75 and sunny.

104. Do you like the snow?

for maybe a month then I’m over it.

105. Do you like the outside?

yes.

106. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

I think so.

107. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?

maybe back in the day.

108. What makes you happy?

friends, my room, candles, breakfast, my cats, weed and tequila. 

109. Ever been to Alaska?

no.

110. Ever been to Hawaii?

no but I would love to.

111. Do you watch the news?

I normally just apps on my phone. sometimes I’ll fall asleep to it though.

112. Do you love MTV?

they have some good shit from time to time.

113. Do you like subway?

yessss. 

114 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

no.

115. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

probably would be freaked out.

116. Why did you decide to do this quiz?

because i’m bored as fuck.

117. Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them?

yes.

118. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

yes.

119. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

my cat spencer.

120. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

ariel I believe.

121. Ever bought condoms?

on a dare once when I was younger.

122. Ever gotten pregnant?

no.

123. Have you ever slipped on ice?

yes when I was drunk and I fractured my elbow for 2 weeks.

124 Have you ever missed the bus?

yes.

125. Have you left the house without money?

yes.

126. Have you ever smoked cigarettes?

currently do.

127. Have you ever smoked a cigar?

i’ve hit one and I have absolutely no idea how to smoke it. 

128. Did you ever drink alcohol?

yes.

129. Did you ever watch “The Breakfast Club”?

prob like 30 times.

130. Have you ever been overweight?

yes when I was 19 I wanna say??

131. Ever been to a wedding?

yes.

132. Ever been in a wedding?

my dads when I was little.

133. Have you ever been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

yes. good ol myspace days and AIM days.

134. Did you ever watch TV for 5 hours straight?

yes.

135. Ever kissed in the rain?

my first kiss was in the rain :’) ok bye

137. Did you ever fail a driver’s test?

yes right when I turned sixteen so I had to come back and take it when I was 17 then I got it.

138. Ever been outside your home country?

yes. Puerto Rico. 

139. Ever been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?

yes.

140. Ever been to a professional sports game?

yes. mostly cavs games and Indian games.

141. Have you ever broken a bone?

nope!

142. Did you ever win a trophy in your life?

no :/ lol

143. Ever get engaged?

nope.

144. Have you ever been on a diet?

not seriously.

145. Have you ever been on TV?

no.

146. Ever ridden in a taxi?

yes. not so much anymore since uber + lyft are a thing.

147. Ever been to prom?

yes.

148. Ever stayed up for 24 hours or more?

oh yes.

149 Have you ever been to a concert?

yes. i’ve been to jhene aiko, chris brown, wiz, waka, drake (x2), miguel, travis scott, kendrick lamar, g-eazy, schoolboy q and partynextdoor.

150. Have you ever had a crush on someone at work?

yes -_-

151. Have you ever been in a car accident?

thankfully I have never been in a serious one.

152. Ever had braces?

luckily no.

153. Did you ever learn another language?

spanish.

154. Do you wear make-up?

yes but since lock down idk the last time I even put on makeup.

155. Did you ever have your wisdom teeth taken out?

nope! 

157. Ever dyed your hair?

so many times over the years.

158. Did you ever wear someone else’s clothes?

oh yes. that’s the plus of having great girl friends, borrowing clothes.

159. Ever ridden in an ambulance?

no.

160. Ever ridden in a helicopter?

no.

161. Ever caught the stove on fire?

almost when I was 7th grade making bacon lol.

162. Ever meet someone famous?

I really don’t think so.

163. Ever been on an airplane?

yes.

164. Ever been on a boat?

yes. I loooove boats.

165. Ever broken something expensive?

yes. 

166. Did you ever kiss someone before you were 14?

no.

167. Did you ever find something valuable on the ground?

me and my friend went to boston market and found $350 on the ground and no one claimed it so it was our lucky day. (just me waited a hot min for someone to come back to say something to the co workers and no one did.)

[tomyideaofyou]

YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND,

I have probably been avoiding the day that I would post something about you here. I guess that’s because I don’t want to face the chance that things would change between us after I express everything I feel for our friendship.

But maybe we do need change, and maybe it is time to let out what I need to.

You already know this by now, but I gave up on friendships with girls a long time ago, for several reasons - most you are aware of. 

Our friendship was so unexpected. But it was one of those pleasant unexpected events that I’m very thankful for. I mean, who would’ve thought that going after a fuckboi could result in meeting someone who would change your life, forever?

I did not like you at all. I thought you were going after said fuckboi, so naturally - you were a threat. Not to mention that I thought it was so weird that you wanted to shower at my house when it was our first time actually meeting. Like, who does that? haha. I thought you were naturally pretty, and you had “okay” make-up skills that are now A1, thanks to me, lol. But- you were definitely really nice, friendly, and funny. I vibed with ya.

I guess we really got close after reading comprehension boy broke my heart, lol. You were there for me, more than anyone and more than I expected. My two other “best friends” (totally making a post about them later on), were of no help, but rather, caused my love life to scramble into pieces, but whatever.

But even before the heartbreak, I guess there was this comfortable aura that welcomed me into opening up to you. I was probably too damn real with you at some points of the early friendship. Even though you don’t really talk, or know how to give advice, lol, you definitely know how to listen and attempt to feel what I am feeling. I appreciated that.

I remember we would see each other a lot, facetime a lot, phone call a lot, text a lot, and snap a lot. Sometime in the beginning of 2017, our friendship was kinda just chillin, school was really busy and I was going through - whatever I was going through at the time. But we had a talk sometime before your birthday, about how I felt.

I guess, touching base on that, from what I remember, I just felt disconnected towards you. I felt like we didn’t know how to act around each other anymore, and there was just so much happening in both of our lives that we just- spaced out. And that’s fine, like you have your friends and I have mine, but I missed my best friend. I also was worried about what direction your life was going. I may not know how your family situations felt, but I saw what toll that took on you. I saw the stress with balancing school and work, and I saw the pain that a dumbass dj caused you too. So, as always, I put my personal feelings aside and I just wanted to offer you advice and insight that I love you, I’m here for you, and I hope I can help in any way that I can.

I thought the talk went well. We got closer again, you left for the Philippines. I guess I didn’t really bother to check up on you as much because I really wanted you to find yourself during your time there. I also wanted you to just be with your family and disconnect from all the damn drama, pressures, and stress back here.. because you deserve a break. You deserve to relax and enjoy yourself, with yourself. When you came back, I was so happy to know that you had eye-openers. I really felt like you changed.

We were close again - you, being a little too close and clingy LOL. But I loved it! Even though that was my busiest time of the year with everything going on in my life. I was at least happy that you were back, and back to being all best friend mode, haha.

During summer I introduced you to whipped cream. Now, please note that I’m not blaming him, you, or anyone else for the current feelings I have regarding our friendship.

I wasn’t super planning the idea of you and whipped cream dating, in fact, drummer boy told me that whipped cream wasn’t even supposed to go that day we all went to eat at Ninong’s. He was actually even complaining that he had to be home, and why I would bring someone else to brunch that he didn’t know, and blah blah blah. But little did he know- I changed his life LMFAO, I changed yours too haha.

But anyways, I love whipped cream . I love whipped cream for you because he’s honestly such a genuine, loving guy, and I think that if there’s anyone in the entire world, besides me, that needs a good guy - it’s you. You deserve so much love, so much care, so much attention - you don’t even know how important your happiness to me is. Like honestly, your importance to me is no match to how whipped cream feels for you- trust me on that. Like,,,, he loves you but I DEFINITELY love you more lmfao.

Anyways, I guess it was cool in the beginning, but then you kinda started fading. I mean I was definitely into something with drummer boy at the time - but I still knew my priorities. Now, you’re kinda just gone. In a way I can say that I feel like you replaced our friendship with a lot of whipped cream things- and other things.

I just kinda feel like, cool - you got a love life now, what about your best friend?Also- cool you got a mom being a mom... but, who was there for you when your love-life was into shits, your friends were friends but also out of control and broken, your grades were just bye lmfao, work was annoying, and your family was just ruining your life? Me.

You make time for him. He asks for a day to be reserved- you reserve it. When I ask you for even a few hours off of your day, you give me excuses upon excuses upon excuses to the point where it feels like- you’re too busy and can’t hang out for whatever reason because it’s me. But with everyone else, especially whipped cream , it’s fine.

That hurts, a lot.

Lately- I’ve been trying to find even the smallest ways to come see you- studying, after church, or during service, or anytime I’m in the valley- but its still “I have this,” “My family will be mad,” “oh jk I think I have this.” But I see your snapchats, your locations, and I always see you with HIM.

Likeeeeeee, the night we all came back from Disneyland, he told us that ya’ll went to the bank or whatever to help him with his financial stuff and you told him to not tell me that you guys were together after Canada Sugar Momma gave you a talk that “its all about whipped cream all of a sudden.” like really? That made me so mad, because what the fuck lmfao? 

So do note that me typing all of this, I kinda do expect you to not tell me anything anymore because of the fact that you did ^^^^^^ that. Which then will result to a filtered friendship, no.

And can you name a time where we actually hung out, just the two of us without whipped cream or without anyone else? Fucking last year- bitch LOL. 

So anyways, let’s take whipped cream out of the situation. I totalllllllly get that you’re busy, so am I. Trust me. I totally get that you have family issues, so do I. I totally get that you have financial issues, so do I. SOOOOOO, how come, I can still offer and promise, and work around my schedule to make time to drive to see you in the valley? You know before, we would take turns. You’d drive to me a good equal amount, I’d drive to you. Now it’s just like, I’m in the area- I’m willing to ditch church stuff to spend at least an hour or two to see you - but then the excuses show up. So I invite you to our church events, but who do you cling onto more - whipped cream .

***Side note to loud big rack girl, dude she’s fun. I can tell how much fun ya’ll have with each other- and that’s cool, but I know damn well before (maybe not now), you would helllllalalalallaaaaa clear your schedule for any parties or plans with her. So it’s like, okay cool- am I not too fucked up and reckless to have a day with you?*** 

Back to whipping cream over here - I don’t say any of that, because I know you’re happy and I know he makes you happy. I am genuinely happy for the both of you - but I also want to be happy for us two. 

I don’t really want to dive into the whole fuckboi and airhead situation- because we already spoke about it in person, and I understand where you’re coming from. So, whatever, but I also felt like that whole thing took a toll on us to, and made me feel a little negativity towards you. But it’s fine - there’s nothing I can really do about that haha.

Bottom line is, I can feel our friendship falling apart. I’m not saying it’s all you - because to be honest it’s on the both of us. I’m not sure what concerns you have in regards to my end- but I am more than willing and wanting to hear how you feel. 

As for me, I just miss you. I miss the old us. I missed it when you had a boyfriend- even before he broke your trust- but you still took the time to see me and hang out. I miss our girl dates. I miss our lesbian moments. I miss the facetiming. I miss the sleep overs. I miss the snapchats. I miss being your best friend. 

I love you, I really do. Even with all of this, I want to be in your life- and I want to keep you in mine as my best friend, forever. But it just sucks having to deal with feeling like, my time and efforts towards you can be easily neglected by an excuse that you don’t use on others - and I can literally see you not use on others.

I’m sorry if I seem selfish, I’m sorry if all of this is like out of nowhere, but you’re still my best friend and I still want to remain honest between us. But honestly, I just don’t really want to try anymore. If you’ve noticed- I don’t really start the convo first like before. Last week, I’ve come to a conclusion that I’m going to stop trying to make plans with you because I’m fed up with the rejection and the excuses and it’s just a slap to the face when I see that you’re out and having fun with whoever. It’s like cool, you can make time for them but not me- that’s nice.

And trust me, I don’t show it to you, but sometimes its a hella strain to even drive out there just to see you, I’ve cancelled shit and I’ve sacrificed input from my family as well. No one is really busy - you just have to see how important you are in their life for them to find time for you. But you see, when it comes to you, I don’t need to think twice - because you do not deserve an excuse, and I’d never be too busy or too stressed, or too scared to cross anyone if it meant spending time with you.

And I wish you did the same too. 

Wherever it goes from here, whatever you feel after this - I’ll accept. But I’d love a response from you, whenever you’re ready. And me being me, I’m always understanding to when your time comes. :)

I love you, and I thank you for absolutely everything. You’re such a blessing, and I will always outweigh the good over the bad- because there’s nothing really bad that I can say about you, as a person. You’re the rawest person I know, with the purest heart- and I always pray that one day- You will love yourself the way you love others, because you deserve the best and you give the best.