#jk i love math buy still

[beach-funerals]

WIPPPP i have so many things going on with uni i hope i’ll finish this soon… I LOVE THEM!!!!!! RIGLEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nightswithkookmin]

It’s a hidden ‘letter’

It’s hidden in a CD that is presumably only fans who truly support him would buy

It’s hidden in a song with choreography that shows a woman as his mirror reflection

It’s a CD about his inner self

It’s the only warm and comforting song in the CD. And it has voice of JK and sound of waves in the background.

Goldy, am I delulu to think it’s a letter and a song for me… for Army…?

Yes. You are delulu

THAT SONG FOR ME. ME. ME. ME!!!

The special part for me is him doing it with Jungkook. Won't lie that still has me in my feels and I keep listening to it over and over and will probably do so for the rest of my life. It's my new favorite go to jikook souvenir next to Jk's mom saying she loves Jimin and Jungkook's GCFs.

And please don't Army me in the face else you and I gon have severe problems. A middle passage experience if you keep at it

Majority of your so called Army hate to see Jikook and I'm not even convinced they like Jimin💀

They die a little bit inside when they see jikook jikooking. Claim they are friends yet also hate to celebrate them. The math is not mathing.

I find it ironical that you think a man who says he loves those who love him will turn around and make such a beautiful song for "ARMY" child not Army💀

I think the song is for anyone who genuinely loves Jimin first and foremost, adores Jungkook enough to understand why Jimin chose him for this song, and finally stans Bangtan. If that's you or "army" then that's awesome 👌🏾 👏🏾

However I think he made the song to honor himself, his relationship with Jungkook and the journey he's shared with his seven members.

"The song is number 7 on the album, starts at 6:13." that's and obvious reference to BTS the band as well as any crazy delulu Stan who believes in the timestamp theories with their full chest- HA!!!!!!!

Thought I was gonna let that slide? Naaa, Army just as delulu as us if they believe that timestamp shit. Can't have it two ways. The timestamp theories are all real or this song is just a random love song on a CD. And is it even hidden if yall can see it play it?? Army delulu as fuck. Touch grass.

They made fun of us and called us crazy when we said this timestamp represents Jimin or that number is a code Jk uses for Jimin NOW LOOK

Look at our ship captain USING LANGUAGE ONLY US CAN UNDERSTAND LOOK!

WHO'S DELULU NOW?!

IF I CATCH ANY NON JOKER ARMY CLAIMING the timestamp theory I will shave them bald

All those who said Free me MV was a nod to BTS can take a hike now. IT WASN'T. You got your letters now leave Free me alone 🥷🏾

I will post an analysis but I'm giving myself time to be a fan and take it all in like a normal person without feeling a need to tear and dissect it apart like it's my job and I have to meet a deadline or hop on a trend. I don't blog for a living. I blog because I love the things I talk about. And nobody is about to give me pressure.

[swiftiesav89]

Putting this in the Universe

When I was little, I really thought things would someday just fall into place. No matter how bad things would get, somehow, I thought once I turned 18 & graduated high school, real life would kick in and I would be a success. I didn’t know what that would look like. I was good enough at everything but math and science. I read so fast and so well at such an early age that I made myself believe I was secretly a genius. All my “what career field should you pursue?” tests came back with the same kind of result - go into the creative fields, my girl, your brain is not built for anything else. At least that’s the message I get now that I’ve become more versed in my own specific kind of neurodivergence and trauma responses. Back then, I was sure it meant I was the next JK Rowling (which, now, ew...) or destined to be a hard-hitting journalist at Rolling Stone. I’ve always believed I have an accomplished writer living in my soul, just waiting for me to put my fingers to a keyboard and allow her to become real. Maybe that’s a delusion of grandeur. We’ll see if I have the energy to find out if I have any potential at all. But now, when I remember those visions of future me, they feel like a daydream. I never knew what steps to take to make any of them happen. I had always been smart enough not to concern anyone and did so well in some situations that they clouded the gaps to any teachers looking for “signs” of learning disabilities. My mom didn’t know that how fast I read and spoke and how lost I would get in my own little worlds and how obsessed I would become over anything I enjoyed were signs of something bigger when considered all together. When I watched Titanic a hundred times in second grade, it was more than Kate Winslet naked that made me do that. I could disappear into a three-hour film (that happened to feature Kate Winslet naked) and then my mind would just replay the film frame by frame in the time I wasn’t watching. When I was twelve, I spent an entire summer watching only The Fellowship of the Ring. I learned the whole script, devoted any amount of money I could get my hands on to buying magazines that I would paste into binders and write elvish phrases and guides and cast lists by hand. I still have one of the binders. It was the ravings of a lunatic, to be honest. At least that’s how it feels now. That obsessive behavior carried over into all my crushes. I was raised to be super religious in a very small Bible Belt town. I was known for my “boy-crazy” behavior regardless of the fact that I was terrified of them. And I’m sure I terrified them. I once got so obsessed over a senior boy when I was in seventh grade that I fished his empty Dr. Pepper bottle out of the trash. Proudly. Then I kept it on my shelf at home like a trophy for 2 years at least. LIKE why the feck that did not set off alarm bells for my adults is incredible. When I became "active" at 16, I wasted my energy on the absolute dregs of the male population at my school, angling for the attention of boys who now make me actively gag and sacrificing all of my self-worth in the process. I went off to college an hour away from home and couldn't keep up with the course load or the responsibility of living on my own while working full-time. I was inspired by the Obama campaign that fall and volunteered all my time. I leaned hard into the idea of politics as a career, only to completely make an ass of myself with a misplaced crush on my field campaign manager while I was also fighting a crush on my best girl friend. I flamed out spectacularly after the distraction of the campaign ended. I couldn't focus on class or show up most of the time and convinced myself I needed to drop out and re-evaluate back home as soon as it got really hard. When I got home, I froze in time and really never unfroze. I've fallen in love and made so much progress in theory. I have made dream trips come true and experienced real, unfiltered happiness and joy. And now I finally love myself but I am somehow still stuck.

[marengogo]

Silver Lining - What If #1 : Blood-Moon

Planetarium - by Ai Otsuka  [LOVE COOK]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺— 

As we got closer to Halloween I suddenly began thinking (before every tragic thing that has happened, in many countries, all at once) about Jikook. I was born and raised Christian, eventually to my mothers dismay ended up becoming spiritual, but Xmas is, and probably always will be, my favourite time of the year. Why? Because my happiest memories with my family were during that time of the year. I may have many issues with my parents but, even though we were among the poorest of families, they made DARN SURE that every Xmas in my childhood would be absolutely magical and this, their love and efforts, has left a permanent impression on me I believed in, wrote, and posted said letters to Santa until the age of 10, that’s how deep it was. 

So, what does Xmas have to do with Halloween and Jikook? Absolutely nothing, but I always got the feeling that in the same way I feel about Xmas meaning something more to me, even though I’m not Christian, to JK and JM, Halloween may also be meaning something more. From their like of the characters from 「A nightmare before Christmas」which I also LOVE, and I know Marilyn Manson is most of nobody’s cup of the but his version of This is Halloween is 👌🏾, and let’s not talk about Tim Burton for now 😬🥲🙃 as that is not the point of this post…one again: I digress. 

And how to forget  their Halloween ventures during GCF in Tokyo?! Just that made me wonder how they would look dressed as 2 Jack Skellington, or 2 Sally, or Jack & Sally or Sally & Jack? As I kept imagining what they could look like in the spooky corner of my brain, the radio began to speak about an oncoming Lunar Eclipse. I got back to planet Earth and I got excited, as I am a Selenophile (--> Selenophile from Wikipedia). 

One of our resident Gen-Z explained how he never saw an eclipse of any kind, and myself one of the residen Gen-Y, and my other colleague, one of the resident Gen-X, did what we always do: started making fun of him; that is our love language 😌❤️. Once we had our fun, we then began to share experiences and I got so excited (this particular Gen-Z is so patient with me, I honestly, he is so adorable, also an ARMY in the making thank to Jin's Epiphany and now The Astronaut 🥰...) I decided to show him how rare of an event a total lunar eclipse was. So we went on Google, as one does and found a wikipedia link which listed all types of lunar eclipses and when they would happen (this link → https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_lunar_eclipses_in_the_21st_century ). 

While I was bragging of having seen many during the 2002-2005 period as one doesn’t 😬, I quickly looked to check and see when this year’s total lunar eclipse, aka Blood-Moon, would be. I almost released the most disbelieving and creepiest of laughters when I saw the date: 8 of November. 

I- Honestly, you need to understand, I usually stay very far away from Jikook-Maths (by that I refer to all the events that some shippers notice being somehow, coincidently or not, we still don’t know, connected to Jikook and important dates/numbers), because things that I can’t proof logically are very hard for me to digest, but I am also spiritual, as there are things I can’t explain, but which existence I can’t deny … so I don’t go around knocking people down. Basically, I don’t bash, but I also ain’t giving cash not buying it. 

The 8th of November is a big one within Jikook-Maths, really big. but aside from all possible calculations, and associated meanings for anniversaries, it is indeed the anniversary for GCF in Tokyo, so my silver synapses sparkled and I immediately thought: “What if they watch it together?...”. Afterall, it wouldn’t be the first time, right? Remember, in Malta? Star, Wind and Romance Mood?

I swear I couldn’t stop thinking of this, I still can’t stop wondering about it. This thoughts made me want to create the Silver Lining series, because unless they actually do it and show it, there would be no way for us to know, but also it isn’t to absurd a thought to think.The sentimental part of me adding the fact that it is in fact the anniversary of GCF in Tokyo, and also most likely the last time they would spend an 8 of November together for a while (as they would be eventually going to serve). 

It all just made me wonder and ponder … Unfortunately, I can’t see it from the country where I currently live 🙃just my luck🙃, if you do get a chance, and if you want to, try and see if you can catch it, and maybe who knows, you just might all be looking up at this same particular Blood-Moon. 

Still wondering and pondering, but always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

[cobrakaisb]

Being Best Friends with Hawk and Miguel (HC)

this is my first headcannon, so let me know what you guys think and if you want to see more stuff! :) also this is kinda long (sorry) so just a heads up.

Okay so I like to think that Miguel and Hawk have the same gym class

And you are definitely in that gym class, but didn’t really notice them until they joined Cobra Kai. 

probably because of the mohawk ngl

Anyways

For some reason the three of you end up becoming friends through gym class

I feel like the three of you were on the same dodgeball team 

and it’s just the three of you left

and you, like the boss bitch that you are, stand behind the two instructing them on what to do

and they listen 

and you win

and then yall become instant friends. 

Hawk definitely introduced himself first: “I’m Hawk” + confident smile

your most likely laugh at him, until you realize that he’s 100% serious

Miguel laughs with you tbh

The three of you go from gym buddies, to school friends, to hanging out at each other’s house every other day. 

You all get so close so fast

The three of you definitely have designated movie nights at someone’s house every week where each of you pick a movie and you watch them

sometimes you’ll watch old tv shows like iCarly or Jessie, but it’s mostly movies

You bring out Hawk’s nerd side, but that’s a secret you’ll never tell

“I’m so mad that Dobby died” “Dude same, I’m still not over that tbh” - y/n and Hawk 

The boys are total softies for you. 

“Can we listen to One Direction?” “NO!” “Please 🥺?” “yes” - y/n, miguel & hawk

They both secretly love One Direction, but will never admit that to you

Miguel introduced you to 80s rock and you love it

I feel like Hawk really likes MGK so he gets you into that 

if you’re already into this stuff your obsession only grows

Someone always thinks that the youre dating at least one for them

exchanges looks of disgust: “Eww!” “I have a girlfriend” “Sensei it’s not like that” (i’ll let you guess who says what)

Speaking of sensei, let’s get into the karate aspect of your friendship

The boys beg you to join Cobra Kai, but I feel like you decline 

They respect your decision obvi, but demanded that you learn some for self defense purposes

You go to the all-valley and cheer for the both of them

You probably show up looking like that one kid’s mom (jk unless that’s your style)

You cheer the loudest, but only for Hawk and Miguel

partly because they're your besties and partly because you don’t know anyone else 

When Miguel wins you run onto the mats and give him a hug. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t supposed to be there, he’s surrounded by his Cobra Kai, and hasn’t even got the trophy yet. 

Of course you hug Hawk and probably lecture him for getting disqualified because let’s be real that boy has SKILL

anyways

You go out for nachos with the other cobras and immediately hit it off with Aisha 

You also love Bert, like he literally becomes your adopted child 

I feel like you and Demetri also really get along

This makes the boys happy because now you can all hang together and you’re happy because you just gained three new friends :) 

When Miguel is sulking about Sam you go and comfort him

Like just give him a big hug please 🥺

And then Hawk comes over, and makes his stupid joke about getting blocked and counter punching. 

“Oh I’ll counter punch you!” 

Insert you and hawk play fighting until Miguel laughs

When they find out about Robby you find out about Robby because those boys have no sense of personal space 

“We should ask sensei.”

 “No you shouldn’t! He’ll probably make you scrub mats”

You then proceed to meet them at cobra Kai after practice 

And are waiting there for an extra hour on your bike 

When they come out you make some smart ass comment about how you were right 

You watch their performance at valley fest and seriously consider joining karate

The boys are so excited 

Hawk pulls out the fake to celebrate

Sensei Lawrence loves you

“So are you Diaz’s girl?” “Uh no sir” “oh my bad I should’ve known you were with hawk” “we are just friends sensei” 

Johnny doesn’t buy it 

Anyways back to you joining 

Kreese scares you and you find him sus

He’s high key the reason you back out of karate

The boys are sad along with Bert and Aisha, but understand that it’s not for you

When Hawk beats up Demetri at the mall you never find out about it 

Until Moon breaks up with him for it

And he calls you crying and confesses everything 

You’re angry at him but realize that he needs comfort so you push your feelings aside because he’s still your friend

Miguel tells you about him trashing miyagi-do 

That’s where you draw the line and confront the both of them 

“You guys are different and I don’t like it.” 

They both deny any changes, especially Hawk

You start avoiding them and they don’t get it

You don’t show up to moons party or anything because you don’t want to see them so the first day of school fight is a shock to you

You’re disappointed in Miguel for kissing Sam when he was clearly with Tory 

But you don’t want them to fight about it 

You meet Hawks eyes in the hallway and he’s silently telling you to stay out of it 

Because even though you aren’t on great terms right now he still cares about you 

Which is exactly what you do

You saw Miguel fall and cried instantly 

You were by his side with hawk, crying into his shoulder because Miguel wasn’t waking up 

“What if he dies and we weren’t even on good terms. He’s my best friend I can’t lose him without apologizing ” “Don’t talk like that he’ll be fine”

You and Hawk visit him everyday at the hospital 

You’ll tell him about your day and Hawk will sometimes add things in that you forget

“So we had a quiz in math-” “And y/n cried” “problem four was hard okay!?!”

You aren’t there when Miguel wakes up but you and Hawk go see him 

You cry when you see that Miguel’s awake and hug him gently 

You start apologizing and ranting about how much you love him and how worried you were and how you aren’t mad at him anymore 

Miguel reassured you that it’s fine and he understands why you were mad

He also points out how close you and Hawk are, but you quickly shut that down 

You help out at the car wash for Miguel 

When the cobra kais show up you tell them to leave because this was for your friend Miguel, and it didn’t matter who brought him the money

You find out about Hawk beating up Nathaniel from Demetri 

It’s safe to say you and Hawk aren’t as close anymore but still friends 

It’s when you found out about him breaking Demetri’s arm that you cut Hawk off completely 

“I can’t be friends with a bully”

That breaks Hawk, but he pretends like it doesn’t affect him

You and Johnny help Miguel try to walk again 

You’re more there for emotional support 

But Miguel appreciated it 

When Miguel can walk again you’re so happy 

Probably cry tbh

And give him a very big hug and kiss on the cheek 

When Miguel gets back together with Sam, you’re so happy for him even though you aren’t her biggest fan

When Miguel tells you that Johnny is opening up a new dojo you sign up instantly 

Miguel is SHOOK

“I felt so helpless at the school fight, I want to learn”

When Cobra Kai shows up to Eagle Fangs practice at the park Hawk is shocked to see you standing next to Miguel 

He also feels a little jealous that you picked Miguel over him 

When Kreese makes a comment about Miguel being paralyzed you're ready to pounce but Miguel and Johnny hold you back 

You’re at the LaRusso house when Cobra Kai attacks 

Instead of Demetri’s arm almost being broken again it’s you in that position 

Hawk sees and is filled with rage 

Because he still cares about you

He takes out the two boys and apologizes to you

You hug him, happy to have him back

Together you finish the fight 

You Hawk and Miguel go find Sam with Tory

“Traitors. You better watch your back,” “He won’t have to. He’s got friends watching it for him bitch”

Miguel and Hawk are surprised by your new attitude yet can’t help but feel proud 

All in all despite everything the three of you are the best of friends and nothing seems to change that.

[annetteblog]

Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?  

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone. 

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??” 

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance. 

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly. 

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

                                       /as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet. 

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed. 

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.   

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

                                                    Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience. 

P.S.  And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian.  i like it better and what will u do haha

[lesbian-vmin]

The Topic of Gender Identity - JM Focus

So. This is something that I’ve gotten asked about a few times since people became interested in my analyses. And it’s something I’ve always avoided answering because it seems to me that the topic of gender is way more touchy than the topic of sexuality.

I’m also the sort of person who doesn’t like people talking about things without some form of experience on the topic. I can talk about how I see the potential of someone being gay because I’m gay. I know what it’s like to be gay. I know what it’s like to be afraid for people to find out that you’re gay (passed that, but been there). Someone who isn’t gay and never questioned it wouldn’t have any idea what it’s like.

As someone who has struggled with gender identity myself, I’ve decided that I’ll talk about this. I’d say that I have a controversial opinion on this topic, but no matter what you say about gender identity, one person or another is going to think it’s controversial. So, really, everyone has a controversial opinion on the topic. As it is not my intention to offend anyone, I decided to share that controversial opinion. Anyway. Read on if you can handle someone talking about their opinion without getting riled up that it might be different than yours, and if you’re curious about my thoughts on the topic. If not. Move on. (BELOW THE CUT)

So. Let me start by putting in the “short story” of my gender identity, so you kind of get the idea where I’m coming from when I state my opinion on this topic. You can skip this to the part where I start talking about Jimin, but I just wanted to add this in here so you have an idea of where I’m coming from.

Currently, I identify as a cis-female lesbian, but it took me a long time to accept myself as a female. Honestly. When I was a child, I was more okay with the fact that I liked girls than the fact that I was a girl. Liking girls never felt wrong to me. Liking girls as a girl is what felt wrong. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I know how I felt.

I was what they called a “tom-boy” back in the day. I’m not sure if that term is offensive now? But I always related with the label for some reason.

My parents have a lot to do with my current view on gender identity. My mom told me when I was a little baby, my favorite color was pink. It’s currently pink. She said that once I started learning the names of colors and that they had “genders”, I took a hard turn to the color blue. I pretended that blue was my favorite color for a big part of my life, throughout high school, because I didn’t want to be associated with the “girly” things.

I also liked Hotwheels as child. I was obsessed with cars. This is something I was genuinely interested in, and not just because I wanted to distance myself from girly things. At McDonald’s they often have “boy toys” and “girl toys”. I also have one brother and two sisters. When my mom took us to McDonald’s, she’d always say she wanted “two hotwheels and two barbies”. If the checker ever said “girls and boy toys” my mom would again specify hotweels and barbies. Because she didn’t understand why they were “girl and boy toys”. As a child, I was changing her perspective on gender.

We used to go to Christmas parties when I was a kid, and Santa would always hand out presents to the kids. It always seemed they gave the boys certain toys, and the girls always got dolls or doll related things. So I started to hate going to these Christmas parties. I also question why Santa didn’t buy me the gifts I wanted. He was supposed to know what every child wanted. One year, my mom talked to the people who decided the gift buying, and they got me a giant collection of hotwheels. This Santa became my favorite.

Anyhow. I always wanted to be my dad’s son. I wanted to him to play sports with me and grill with him like he would do with my brother. When I showed more interest in those things than my brother did, he started doing them with me instead. I’d help him build things. I’d play sports with him. And we always grilled together. Until I got older and started going through the inevitable changes that every girl goes through. He stopped treating me like a son and started treating me like a daughter, and it really upset me that my dad’s whole attitude toward me would have changed like that. So I started hating being a girl even more.

Anyway, long story short (believe me, there’s a lot more to this story, but this is a Jimin focus. Not a Koala focus). I eventually came to accept that I was a girl, and actually like feminine things. But, at the same time, I actually like masculine things, too. Coming out to my family as gay really allowed me to express my gender identity more. And I think it’s funny because they often point out how I became more feminine after coming out when many females do it the opposite. I explained to them that I always wanted to be “straight” and like girls, but when I fully accepted myself as gay, I fully accepted myself as female, too.

That being said, I didn’t give in to gender norms or anything like that. I just stopped pretending to hate all feminine things for the fear of being “too much of a girl” to like girls. Pink is my favorite color, but I’ll take the whole fucking rainbow any day. I love hotwheels, and I know more about cars than most modern boys do. I know about computers, and I love math. I absolutely love playing sports (I don’t like watching them so much). I love high fantasy, and I love playing d&d with my friends. But I also love sitting down to a nice romantic movie every now and then. I play all kinds of video games from fps to dress up games, and I love the fact that I don’t have to be apologetic about any of it. I can fix my own kitchen sink and give you tips about how to get stains out of the carpet. I still hate dolls, and they are fucking creepy to me.

I can accept the term bigender for myself, but I label myself as cis-female. Because I don’t want society to tell me that “feminine” things are for girls and “masculine” things are for boys. And tell me how I need to identify because of my like or distaste for either. I don’t mind “feminine” and “masculine” labels, but I don’t think it should determine how much of a “boy” or “girl” you are. I know that people identify as trans and anywhere on the spectrum for reasons that go beyond that, and that’s fine. My story goes far beyond that as well, but that’s pretty much my main focus that brings me to this point.

So. Let’s talk about Jimin now.

IN RELATION TO JIMIN

So, I’ve had exactly one ask that wanted to know if I would refer to Jimin as “they” instead of “he” because we don’t know how he identifies, but I think that can be true for anyone. Just because JK presents himself as more masculine with the fact that he works out and is a “boy” boy, we can’t presume that he identifies as a cis-male. Even if he likes all masculine things, and there’s nothing feminine about him (which isn’t true, but even if it was), we can’t just assume that he identifies as cis-male and is totally comfortable in his 100% male role. So the fact that this seems to come up mostly in relation to Jimin kind of proves how it’s a societal “masculine” and “feminine” thing when it comes many people’s view on gender identity.

I’ve also had a lot of people come to my inbox and talk about how they don’t see why people question Jimin’s gender. “He’s not feminine at all.” And, let me just say that he really is, and I don’t think it would offend him for me to blatantly state that. When he first debuted, he really tried to present himself as masculine, and he wanted to be seen as a “strong/real man.” But he’s eased himself into what he’s more comfortable with, and he, himself, talks about this transformation. How he doesn’t have pretend anymore, and he can just be who he is. And that’s a wonderful thing. And him talking about it the way he does (I’d love to go back and find examples, so people share links if you have any otherwise it’s going to take me ages to source this) kind of tells me that he wants people to realize his transformation. That he is so unbothered by both his feminine and masculine traits that he isn’t bothered if people see him more one way or the other.

Let me bring up Jimin’s bigender tattoo, if you will. (x) Well, it’s not really a tattoo, and more of a drawing. It wasn’t permanent, but still. I’ve had a few people argue that it’s not the bigender symbol because of both extensions pointing straight instead of the masculine symbol being at an angle (x), but seeing as how I don’t know of any other symbol it could be, I’m going to assume that it was meant to be the bigender symbol. 

Does this tattoo mean that he identifies as bigender? I’m leaning toward yes, but I’m also going to have to say that it doesn’t confirm anything. We don’t know the reason behind the tattoo unless Jimin tells us himself, and we don’t know the reason it was altered with both extensions being aligned instead of the way the actual symbol looks (if that detail is significant in any way).

Again, I’m leaning toward a strong possibility of him identifying as bigender because BTS are pretty socially aware, and I’m sure he knows what the symbol means. There could be a list of other reasons as to why he decided to use the symbol, so we’ll never know the truth unless he tells us.

I will say that, similar to how I think TH mentioning the Christmas song to us was to see how we’d react to the idea of him singing a romantic song with a boy, I think that Jimin putting that tattoo on his arm was to raise a similar kind of topic. I think he wants people to discuss and question his gender identity. And I think anyone who has come out to their family, friends, and societies would get the same idea. Because it’s a process, and this seems like a step in the process.

I’d often talk about how I loved it when people would mistake me for a boy, and how disappointing it was when someone would be quick to correct them. I’d talk about how being a “girl” is exhausting and how I wish I could flip a switch and be a “boy”. I’d question my parents about how they’d feel if I brought a girl home. I’d use gender neutral pronouns while talking about people I was interested in. I’d question if it was weird to want to hold hands with my best female friends. And the list goes on.

The tattoo seems like a step in a process. Maybe he’s not trying to come out, but maybe he wants us to be talking about it. I don’t think we should just assume that he’s bigender because of it (the same way we shouldn’t just assume TH is gay for Christmas song talk), but I don’t think people need to be so quick to shut the idea down. Because it’s possible that he might not identify as cis-male, and to shut down a piece of evidence like a bigender drawing on his arm is to shut down a pretty strong piece of evidence. That tattoo was drawn on Jimin for a reason because it’s supposed to mean something. Until we know what that something is, there is absolutely no harm in us fans talking and wondering about his identity. As long as we don’t shove it in Jimin’s face and demand that he talks about it. Let’s wonder together. Among ourselves.

As for which pronouns to use when talking about Jimin, until he says anything official about his identity, I think “he/him” pronouns are fine. If you want to call him “they/them”, I think that’s fine, too. I won’t simply because I only like to use “they/them” if I’m intentionally trying to be neutral or if an individual specifically requests to be addressed as such, but I don’t see the harm in anyone else doing it. I think going as far as using “she/her” could be a little too much and a little too presumptive. I’m not the sort to get offended by any type of pronouns. I identify with them all, but that’s not true for everyone. And it might not be true for Jimin. So I think it’s best to stick with “he/him” or “they/them” because they’re the most gender neutral terms. 

And yeah. “He/him” is more gender neutral than “she/her”. And, even if you don’t think so, “he/him” are the terms we use to refer to biological males without knowing anything about their personal identity. I don’t think it’s “assuming he’s cis until he says otherwise.” This is just as harmful as “assuming he’s straight until he says otherwise.” Because, for me at least, “he/him” is referring to the only thing I know about his gender/sex until he confirms otherwise, and that’s the biological part of his gender/sex. It’s not me saying “Oh, I think he’s definitely cis unless he says he’s not”. Because I’m leaning more toward the “not” part of that, but the only thing I can confirm is that he is biologically male. He wouldn’t be in BTS if he wasn’t.

Bringing it back to the first point I mentioned, we can’t assume a gender identity onto any of them. Jimin brings up more questions not because of his “feminine” side, but because of that bigender symbol. But it doesn’t mean that he identifies that way, and it doesn’t mean none of the other members do.

Like I said. I was hesitant about making this post and avoided asks about this topic for a long time because people get more defensive about gender identity than sexuality, but I wanted to talk about this. Because regardless of how offended people get about this topic, I think it’s something we shouldn’t be afraid to discuss.

[seventeensarmy]

(3) Stuck With You (OT7!HybridAu)

Pairing: OT7xReader, Jungkook x Reader, soon Jimin x Reader x Jungkook; rest will come in the course of the story

Warnings: a tiny bit angst, fluff, toxic relationship to food, abuse (Like one slapp), flashbacks of JK´s past, tell me if I missed something

Words: 4.204

Summary: Jungkook´s shopping trip brought something home that wasn´t on the shopping list

A/N: I planned to upload this earlier, but TikTok came in the way, sorry

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Chapter three

“ You're older than me? But you are soo small ”

Taglist: @imezz​ @anxietylovesme​ @holaaaf​ @ot7purple​ @calling-dips-on-j-hope​ @greezenini​ @givebuckysomelove​

(not my gif)

One year ago (Reader 20/ JK 20/ JM 22) "Kookie, can you buy me some of that matcha detox powder?", you asked your boyfriend who was about to leave to go groceries shopping. You sat on your knees on the couch, hopping to appear bigger so he would see you. Jungkook groaned and looked at you, "What do you need that for?" You looked passed him, thinking of your next words. It was powder to help you lose weight, with Jungkook forcing you to have at least to meals and one snack a day you felt like you gained weight. Weight that would have made your mum make you go on an ice cube diet for weeks. So you felt like your solution to lose weight should be taken better by the bunny than what you could have done instead. Jungkook wasn't stupid, he knew what you would use detox matcha powder for, but he wanted to see if you would lie to him. He started to inform himself about diets and work out methods as soon as he could, he wanted to better understand what you doing to yourself and he himself wanted to work on his body. He was trying really hard to get you to understand, that your way of viewing food, weight and your body was a toxic view that your parents taught you. And while you knew, that your parents weren't the best, you found it hard to let go of the way that things have been. "Baby, look at me. What do you want that for?" Jungkooks voice was gently, but firm enough for you to understand, that he wouldn't ask again. You looked at him and bit your lip, "Well first of all, it's really good for your body, it gets rid of all the bad stuff in your body.", you started and Jungkook scoffed, doubting that there would be too much 'bad stuff' in your body, seeing as you were living strictly plant based. Claiming you couldn't eat animals, when your boyfriend was last animal and you didn't want to hurt anyone. Jungkook had cooed when you told him that, thinking how cute his little dancer was, though that didn't stop him from sometimes enjoying a nice steak or fried chicken (not too often though, because he also had a strict diet, due to his rabbit parts). But not only did you live plant based, you also never ate any junk food and sweets. So what bad toxins were you keeping in your body that you needed to get rid of? "Is that all Baby girl? Just having a little detox?" You wanted to scream, you didn't want to lie to him, he would be able to tell right away, you knew that he knew, but you didn't want to see his disappointed face. You sighed defeated, "It also helps with weight loss" You didn’t know what to expect, would he yell? No, Jungkook never raised his voice at you, but he didn’t need to. He could voice his disappointment just fine with a calm voice. "y/n. We talked about this." Jungkook let out a tired sigh. You felt bad, biting your lip, you knew he worried about you, but you didn't really see any other solutions. Your mothers’ words burned too deep in your head. "I know Kookie, but, the competition is just a week away and Ive been eating a lot recently" you tried to tell him, stuttering. You hadn't noticed that he had moved from the door to the couch and was now kneeling in front of you. Jungkook furrowed his brows, what should he do. He saw your slouched position and how you were avoiding his gaze, he knew you were wary if his reaction, because now it was his move, you told him what he wanted to hear. "Okay" Jungkook breathed out, having decided on plan. "I'll buy it. But I'll keep it and you only get to take some after you ask me. Got it? And no other tricks." He was stern, but he figured, that this way he could help you easier. He just needed to slowly show you, that there was no need for such radical diets. He saw a documentary on eating disorders and while he was no expert, Jungkook realised that people suffering from it, often didn't even realise it or don't see it as abnormal behaviour. So he tried to reteach you, trying to destroy the ideas of beauty your mother gave you. Helping with and controlling your diet plan was a new strategy, but he was sure, it only could be better than the last. Over the years Jungkook had tried again and again to make you see your toxic behaviour towards food, sadly it often ended in arguments. Leaving you crying and Jungkook frustrated. You knew Jungkook didn't like how or what you ate and you saw the disappointment every time you turned down a new dish, because you didn't know how many calories it had. Your eyes met his and though you were happy, this win for you came with a lot of guilt and you almost told Jungkook he shouldn't buy the powder, then your mother’s voice reminded you, "It's important to look pretty, the judges will like that. So even if you can't dance, you can at least be pleasing to the eye" Jungkooks hand came to cup your face, "I love you, you know that right? And I only want you to be happy and healthy" you were looking into his eyes, nodding. Jungkook wanted to say more, telling you that he knew that being happy and healthy was lying in two different directions right now, but he knew that this would upset you, so he kept quiet. "I love you too Kookie, I know you want me to be happy and I'm happy whenever I'm with you" you smiled, turning your head to kiss the palm of the hand; that was cupping your face. Jungkook pulled you down for a real kiss before standing up and grabbing the shopping bag again. "I'll be back in like an hour or so okay? Be good, love you" Jungkook yelled and left the house. You knew what he meant when he asked you to be good, don't train. You already practiced for hours today, so he would expect you to rest for the remaining day. And you found yourself listening to him, being actually exhausted from dancing all morning. You grabbed a book from the study your dad used to work in; you changed it into a reading room purely. There were beanbags and a bunch of pillows and two large shelves full of books. Since the weather was nice you decided to read in the garden, sitting down on the Hollywood swing in the back of the garden. Jungkook was walking to the supermarket. It wasn't unusual that he was the one going out for groceries; you were often too tired after your training to do anything. The bunny was sure that part that was due to you not eating enough, he noticed how after a tough day you would shakily sit down and sip your water. He hated how he felt like he couldn't help you. He walked past your elementary school; he remembered how he would always wait for you in your garden. Sometimes you brought your homework with you and explained what you had to do to him. He couldn't always follow the explanation of an eleven year old, but he was thankful for trying. Nowadays he had also started to study with you. Jungkook couldn't do the maths that you could, but he wasn't too worried about that, he saw that school didn't always teach you what you needed to know for life. Best example was biology, why would you, a dancer, need to know about photosynthesis? He didn't understand why they would teach that, they should have teaches you that eating is fu*king important. He crossed the streets, Busan was pretty, he thought. You would be soon, after finishing school in six months, there was nothing keeping you here. Both of you had a lot of bad memories here. You, from your family. Jungkook from his days on the street, he can't really remember if there was a time before he was on the street. He never met his parents, or at least he can't remember them. He also can't remember ever having an owner before meeting you, he just knew the streets and it wasn't easy. The nights were often freezing, he remembers breaking into a shed one night, because rain was pouring down and the bridge he sometimes slept under was flooded. The next morning he was woken up by a screaming woman, who then quickly proceeded to kick him out, yelling something about calling the cops. After he met you, life became easier, but not completely. In the beginning he still didn't have a place to sleep, it had taken you some time till you realised, that he needed some place to sleep. Jungkook wasn't mad that you sometimes kept forgetting to unlock the shed in the back of your garden; you were young and had your own problems. But as soon as you had realised you came running to him, apologising and bringing a bunch of food for him. When it got colder you started to steal some of your dad´s overalls and took pillows and blankets from the guest rooms, your parents never bothered to enter. All so Jungkook wouldn't freeze. As soon as it got cold you also always started to bring him some traditional Christmassy snacks and tea. Jungkook couldn't believe it when you stood in front of him on December 25th, with a present in your hand. "It's not much, but I thought you'd like it. I got it myself”  you said proudly and when Jungkook opened it, he saw a pair of headphones. He was excited that he got a present for the first time, but he was confused what to do with it. He didn't own anything he could plug them into. You noticed this and handed him another box, in it was an ep3 player. Jungkooks eyes grew wide, "Why would you gift me something like that?"  You grinned, "Because I know you'd like it" Jungkook swore he could have started crying then and there, but he opted for pulling you into a bone crushing hug. That night he fell asleep, listening to the music you downloaded onto the player. Jungkook kept walking, thanking whoever was responsible for him ending up with you. While he was walking he realised, that there was your old dancing studio on the way. He remembered the time, where the teacher didn't come to your house and someone had to drive you here, your mother never wanted to do it, so she hired a private trainer for you, who came over. Sometimes he would even pick you up from school, so you could immediately start practicing; those were the days when you were too tired to even wave Jungkook who was living in the shed in your garden. You told him that having a private teacher had a lot of pros, seeing as the teacher had his whole attention on you, but that also meant that you couldn't dance with you friends anymore or have a group play, from that point on, you always danced alone. Jungkook stopped at the window of the studio, watching the children dance. As he continued to walk, he saw someone dance in the back. Jungkooks eyes grew big, that was a hybrid dancing. He tried to make out what kind of hybrid though, probably cat by the way he elegantly jumped, his bushy tail helping him keeping the balance, but a beanie covered his ears, so he wasn't 100% sure. Before he could continue to walk, Jungkook saw how an elderly man came up to the hybrid, starting to yell at him. Jungkook couldn't tell what they were talking about, but he guessed it was about the hybrids dance, because the man kept showing him with gestures what the hybrid should do. The hybrid said something; his tail was slowly swaying from side to side, meaning he was getting angry. Jungkook had his fair share of meet and greets with stray cats, so he knew when to back off. The man didn't apparently, because faster than Jungkook could track the movements of the man’s hand was the hybrids face slapped and turned to the side. The man had slapped him, the hybrid stood stiff. Jungkook didn't know what happened next, because something wet hit him, then again. He looked up to see dark clouds forming in the sky, he cursed and started to walk quickly to the store, knowing you didn't like him being out when it rains or starts to get dark. As he arrived at the shop he pulled out the shopping list you wrote him and he marvelled again how pretty your handwriting was. He grabbed the veggies that you needed for dinner tomorrow and decided he would try to prepare steak again. The last time he tried to make it, it ended up being really though and he couldn't even chew it properly. He grabbed to already cut steaks, in case he would ruin one again and headed to the next aisle. The shelf in front of him was full with protein and weight loss powders, how was he supposed to know what to buy. He sighed and texted you, if you had any specific wishes. While he waited for your reply he continued to stroll through the market, grabbing some snacks, dips and frozen berries that you could use to make smoothies with. When you didn't answer after ten minutes he decided to just grab something himself. He studied the content of the boxes and compered them, because he still didn't want to just grab anything, when it was you who would consume it. Jungkook was a bit worried and annoyed when you didn't even answer, after he was already on his way back home. It didn't help his mood that the rain was still pouring down. Jungkook pulled his hood deeper, regretting that he bought so much, that he was now carrying five shopping bags. It was starting to get dark and there was almost no one on the streets, that why Jungkook was surprised to see someone sitting on the ground. He scoffed at first, why would someone sit outside in the ground while it was raining. When he walked closer he recognised that the building the person was sitting in front of was your old dance studio. And then he realised who that person was, it was the hybrid who got slapped. Next to him a small bag and Jungkook put two and two together, not thinking much before coming to a halt in front of the hybrid. The hybrid immeasurable looked up, hissing at Jungkook and Jungkook quickly understood why. His hood covered his ears and the rain probably washed most of his scent away. He slowly pulled his hood down, revealing his bunny ears and the hybrids position changed. "What do you want?" asked the hybrid a bit annoyed, but Jungkook didn't let himself be irritated by that, he had seen that the hybrid had a bad day. "I- I was wondering if you are alright? I saw you dancing earlier. I also saw what that man did." Jungkook didn't sound as confident as he wanted to, but while he was speaking he realised that he had no idea what he was even doing. The hybrids eye grew wide, "You saw?" Jungkook felt guilty as he looked into the hybrids eyes. Should he have done something? He couldn't have just walked in there and told the man off, maybe if he was a human, but not as a hybrid, he would have been probably slapped too. "Yeah.. I was passing by when I saw. Did he kick you out?" Jungkooks eyes landed on the bag next to the hybrid, "Gee, what gave you that impression?" the hybrid scoffed sarcastic, but quickly caught himself, "He was unsatisfied with my dancing for a while now, I guess me talking back didn't really help my cause. Who knows, maybe he's right" the way the hybrid talked remembered him of you, before his mind told him otherwise his heart already spoke for him. "Do you want a place to stay? It's supposed to be raining all week. Trust me; it’s not fun looking for shelter in the rain." The hybrid narrowed his eyes, looking for a sign, that this could be a trap, but he only found Jungkooks sincere eyes. The hybrids gaze softened and he agreed, he too thought it would be hard to find a place to sleep, so when a nice bunny hybrid offered shelter he wouldn't say no. "Great!" Jungkook smiled his bunny smile, "I'm Jungkook, by the way. And since we have the same destination, how about you take one or two of the shopping bags?" The hybrid stood up and Jungkook smiled as he saw, that the man in front of him was smaller than him. The hybrid pulled off his hat, combed quickly through his blond hair and put the beanie back one. Jungkook saw that the hybrid in front of him a cat was, which should have made him feel unsafe, but right now Jungkook could only focus on his dripping wet clothes. It must have been an hour since he left you at home and you also still didn't text back. The cat took some bags, before looking at Jungkook, "I'm Jimin" The men walked in a quick pace back to your home, doing some light small talk. "You're older than me? But you are soo small" Jungkook exclaimed, earning an evil glance from the man next to him which made him shut up real quick. They didn't have long till they reached the house when Jimin spoke up again, "So your owner..." Jimin realised that Jungkooks owner probably didn’t sent him out to get groceries and a new hybrid, he didn’t want the younger one to get in trouble, but when he saw a loving smile growing on the bunny’s face he relaxed a bit. "Oh y/n! She's amazing, she'll be surprised when she sees us both, but I'll talk to her. She won't mind you staying with us, we have more than enough room at the house" Jimin wondered how the house would look like if Jungkook said, that the house was big. His last owner lived in the tiny flat above the dance studio, so Jimin couldn't imagine how a spacious house would look like. Now that he saw Jungkook up close he recognised that the clothes he wore were from pretty big and expensive fashion labels. Jimin couldn't deny it, Jungkook was pretty handsome, he could imagine how the bunny would look under him. "It's just around the corner", Jungkook said and Jimin looked at his surroundings, they were definitely in the more wealthy part of town and Jimin started to think about how you would be. Jungkook said you were amazing, maybe you were a lawyer or a business woman, and you were probably pretty busy if you sent Jungkook for groceries. He imagined a woman in her thirties maybe, you would have to be pretty rich to be here. Jungkook opened the gate to the house and Jimin looked amazed. It was a two story building, not necessarily a mansion, but big enough that Jimin understood why Jungkook said, that space isn't an issue. They walked through the front door to be met by silence. "She's probably sleeping" Jungkook said as he took off his shoes and Jacket, telling Jimin he would take his Jacket so they could dry it. Jungkook explained Jimin were the kitchen was and asked him to put the groceries there while he sorted out their drenched jackets. Jimin was amazed as he walked through the house, almost scared to get to close things in case he broke them. There was a sculpture in the entrance hall that he was sure cost more than his last owner would make in a year. He looked at the pictures in the hall, almost everyone had a small girl in it, he decided that this was probably the daughter of y/n. He smelled the place, but Jungkooks was the most prominent, though he could make out something sweet, which alone gave him a comfortable feeling already. "Yah, you're slow" came Jungkook from behind, carrying the rest of the bags. They quickly sorted the food in the kitchen, well more like Jungkook did that and Jimin was amazed by how many things they had in the kitchen. "Okay, you should meet y/n real quick then you can have a shower", Jungkook said looking at the older who nodded, a bit nervous. There was a chance that you would tell him to go, he looked out the window, it just stopped raining, but that would only be for today. "She should be in the living room, I looked in the bedroom already" Jungkook mumbled and walked with big steps to the next room, only to find it empty. Jungkook groaned and threw his head back, exposing his neck, hut Jimin shouldn't focus on that, y/n was missing apparently. Not for long though, because the second Jungkook saw the open garden door he huffed annoyed. "She better pray she only just went out now and did not fall asleep in the rain. I swear to god" there were a few more curse words and Jimin looked at Jungkook, why would he talk like that about his owner? It's not like the bunny could actually do something. But Jimin was even more confused when Jungkook came back with the girl from the pictures. That couldn't be y/n the owner, you were so young. Your sweet scent filled the room, but it didn't match your whiny tone or Jungkooks mad face. "Kookie", you whined, curling further into his arms, as he was carrying you, your clothes were wet. You had fallen asleep on the Hollywood swing and had luck, that it was partially covered, so you weren't completely exposed to the rain. "Don't 'Kookie' me, baby. I told you to be good didn't I? And where to I find you? Outside, completely soaked and asleep" Jimin turned his head to fast he swore he got whiplash. 'Baby'?! Jimin had the feeling this wasn't really an owner-pet situation, the way Jungkook spoke, even if it was low, because you were still sleepy, made Jimin want to drop to his knees. Which would never happen of course, seeing as A) Jungkook obviously already had someone and B) Park Jimin would never fall to his knees to submit to someone. You opened your eyes to look up to Jungkook and pouted, "I was good. I was reading, it's not my fault I fell asleep, I wasn't planning on it" Jungkook chuckled quietly at how whiny you sounded at the aspect of not being a good girl. He quickly kissed you, forgetting the cat that was looking with big eyes, only as he sat you down, he realised he should maybe make you aware of your new guest. "Baby, there is something I should tell you. On the way back, there was a small incident, that lead me to take a hybrid with me" he carefully watched your reaction, while Jungkook was pretty much in charge, this was still your house and in a way he only had power because you let him. He knew with other people it wouldn't be like that. You blinked slowly, "Wait a hybrid? Another bunny?" you asked him, before your eyes found Jimin and quickly realised, that he was not a bunny. "He has nowhere to go, baby. You know we have enough room", Jungkook continued and you nodded, "A serious incident?" You asked and both men nodded. "Okay, stay as long as you need. I'm y/n" A smile grew on both men’s faces and the cat quickly introduced himself as Jimin. After that you and Jungkook showed him his new room and the bathroom he could use, before leaving him on his own. In your shared bedroom you removed your clothes, shivering in the cold, quickly jumping into the shower with Jungkook, who started to massage shampoo in your hair. You lean back and enjoy the sensation, "Such a good girl" he praised, "Letting someone in need stay here. My little dancer has such a big heart. Love you" you didn't know, why he was thanking you for letting Jimin stay, as if you would let him back on the streets. You smiled up at him, "My big bunny saved him in the first place didn't he?" you asked, only to sneeze immediately after, Jungkook groaned. "Of course now you're getting sick. Because you just had to fall asleep in the rain", he complained, but you both knew that in the end he didn't mind taking care of you.

Next 

[ayyyoonohwhatimean]

highschool!boyfriend haechan

mode: fluff, comedy and a lot of bickering! 

haechan x reader! 

p.s.: hii it’s been a long damn time I haven’t written about nct-related kind of things lol anyways I hope you guys would like this one eventhough it’s quite long and I had so much fun writing it! haha I would appreciate it so much! happy birthday to lee donghyuck, our pride, our fullsun haechan! I love you. ♡ (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

ridin and rollin oh baby 

HELLLLOO MY NAME IS HAECHANN

first of all y all know haechan aka lee donghyuck 

such a pain in the ass jjsjsjs jk 

he would literally annoy you every second, every minute everytime hes with u 

bcus he loves u 

like he finds u cute he loves seeing reactions 

so u guys go to the same highschool and obviously classmates duh 

and imagine him in a smart highschool attire esp with his body proportion  and his hair up showing his forehead omg 

he would wait for u outside the school bcus u’re too slow jsjs

too slow too fasT 

but whenever ure done and is finally outside the school w him, he would hold your hand tightly and kiss ur knuckles as he swings ur arm

when he sees the other guys tryna check u out oof boy he snapped 

“what are u looking at she’s mine u flat ass”

oooFf

u guys aren’t seatmates but he’d literally push ur seatmate mark lee away so he can sit with u 

“get away im lee haechan aka y/n’s boyfriend” 

and whenever it gets cold and u fall asleep in the classroom he’d silently wrap ur body w his sweater or jacket 

hanging out at the canteen with the dreamies!! 

haechan would literally steal your food when you look away 

and out of anger and annoyance you’d pull his hair literally 

you guys would literally chase each other haha 

god hes so annoying 

but i love him 

btw hes such a bad influence 

you guys will be doing the baekhyun’s candy dance challenge in the school’s hallway!!

u’ve never ever skipped ur class in ur entire life until like u guys met and got closer im srs 

“duDe aren’t you bored? this class is so boring i might die lets sneak out together and ill buy u food” 

“shut up im trying to focus here dumbass” 

“u can’t tell me what to do” 

“im gonna get in trouble again if i follow all the things that u said wtf-”

“well u only live once oh come on please pls-” he replied back w his pouty lips and u know that kind of sad cute eyes 

“what food where” 

“um me cus im a snack-” 

“i bet u taste horrible-” 

“oh no i mean im a wholemeal and i bet u taste even more horrible” 

“right now im not even surprised if i have a damn high blood pressure bcus of u”, you replied to him 

“me too bcus u’re old”

the no ending bickering jsjs it’s a MUST 

he loves to pick a fight w u for no reason man I SWEAR TO GOD

no bickering, no haechan

no haechan, no life

bcus he thinks ure cute when ure about to explode and get upset 

omg remember when he talked about renjun being cute whenever they bicker and he makes him feel upset uwu

he be gettin all the attention skrrrttt skrt

but anyways u guys ended up skipping class and went to eat at ur favorite restaurant or whatevahh 

he attac but he also protec 

u guys went to his house after chillin and eating at the restaurant cus why nOt 

it’s normal sometimes u would spend ur time at his house or he’d come to ur house so that u guys can spend ur time together ehe 

spending time at his house with him is so much fun even his parents adore u 

his room would be filled w michael jackson’s songs, ur and his loud laughter, a lot of love and just pure affection uwu 

u guys would study together and help each other whenever one of u have trouble in understanding smthg, eat and even cook together eventho it’d be a mess, play games, listen to the playlist that he made for u, listen to his smooth  honey voice singing to u, dancing w just the two of u together like u guys are just vibin y knoww 

OH AND DOING DANCE COVERS TOGETHER TOO OMGGG

he might be a pain in the ass kind of boyfriend but deep inside his love for u is soooo deep u can’t even see 

he has this special soft spot for u but he doesnt rlly show it but its obvious most of the time lol 

“hi baby”

“im literally sitting beside u haechan” 

“hello my name is haechan” 

you giggled, “what’s up, baby?”

“um nothing but like have u ever thought about your weakness? do you even like exactly know what are some of ur actual weakness is?” he suddenly asked

“honestly yeah i do think about it a lot and yea i know what are some of my main weakness is it’s quite...a lot”

“what is it?” 

haechan pulls u closer into his arms till u guys are like in a cuddling position next to each other on his bed and then he plays w ur fingers w full of love as u continue

“hmm like um failing? like i can’t accept my own failures” u hold his hand while stroking it up and down gently 

he might be annoying and always love to tease u nonstop and like how u guys would bicker and everything 

BUT having a deep heart to heart conversation w him is the best 

he loves it and treasures it so much and so do u 

he’s very attentive and a genuine good listener, like when he listens to u, he ACTUALLY listens 

he knows when to be goofy and tease u and when to actually be serious 

“failures? baby, you’ve been doing great and working so hard especially in your studies! I can’t even do it like you and in fact you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met and known” 

you shrugged, “I mean yeah sure but like I feel like I’ve been lacking a lot especially in my maths! you know how I’ve always dreamed of studying actuarial science for my uni major and it’s rlly deadass tough-”

haechan then holds ur chin up so that u can look at him and he cups ur cheek as he looks at u softly 

“hey, if you fall, I also fall. I’m not letting you give up so come on what do u need help with ur maths? I can help and teach u” 

you chuckled as ur eyes met his eyes and sigh, “hey, thank you for existing, hyuck. really.” 

he smooches ur whole face and coos at u, “no problem, I’m ur fullsun” uwu 

haechan wants to go to the bathroom so he stands up from the bed before making his way 

“hey wait, wait a second, I have something to tell u before u go to the bathroom-”, you said trying to stop him 

he looks at you with a curiosity, “hm, what is it?” 

“your breath...smells kinda bad just now” 

i swear HE CANT STAND U HAHAHA U GUYS CANT EVEN STAND EACH OTHER 

he rolls his eyes showing his disbelieved facial expression, “i swear to god don’t even start you-” 

and thennnn it beginsss 

anyways u guys spent ur time together in his room that day with him teaching u maths in the topic that u had hard time understanding and solving it 

hes so good at teaching and explaining that u can’t help but to stare at him in awe 

“sTop checking me ouT” 

“wtf hyuck i aM noT” 

jamming to love again while studying together!!

after like half an hour, u guys wanna take a break and u wanna eat some snack so u go to the kitchen 

haechan wraps his arms around your waist as he snuggles his face into your neck, “I thought you want a snack” 

“babe, i’m trying to cut these oranges stop bothering me” you replied to him while struggling with cutting the oranges 

to be honest ure not really good with cutting fruits :’) but u love oranges 

ten can’t relate oops 

haechan watches u from behind with his arms still wrapping tightly around ur waist and stops u

“hMm wait hold up, who the heck cuts an orange like that-” 

“I-I actually am not really good at cutting fruits-”, you replied as u look at him

he giggles while shaking his head, “shut up you’re cute” 

he then proceeds to hold your hand and fingers holding the knife carefully as he stands still behind u and shows u the right way to cut the orange at the same time teaching u slowly too

isn’t he lovely made from love 

SOOO LETS MOVE ON WITH MOVIEEEE TIMEEE *drum rolls*

you guys would always end up watching the same movie haha

so the two of u lie beside each other on the couch w some of the snacks that u guys prepared at the kitchen 

cuddling is a must!!! 

he prefers to be the big spoon and u the smol spoon 

but when he doesn’t feel well or stressed out, you’d be the big spoon 

he loves to wrap his arms around your waist and just having your hand in his hand

he would kiss your knuckles and stare at u but as in like lovingly and admiringly 

he loves giving u smooches and lil kisses all over ur face eventho u might act disgusted but u love it too deep inside lol 

“hey, look at me” he whispers to u as he entangled his legs w urs 

“no” 

pls just look at him or else he’d make u suffer with his otteoke otteoke song aegyo 

anyways the movie got boring so u just get closer to him and lay your head on his shoulder while putting ur left arm around his waist tightly 

“hyuck baby, sing me a song”, you telling him 

“you’re my missing puzzle piece”, he starts singing softly in ur ears while playing with your hair gently using his delicate fingers 

you rub his cheek slowly as u admiring his tanned skin, the details on his face and his beautiful honey brown eyes 

then u fell asleep 

he pulls the blanket nearby the couch and wrap the blanket around the two of you tightly so warm like a tortilla 

haechan looks at u w that soft eyes for awhile and smile before closing his eyes

“7 days a week, I’ll always hover by your side”, he whispers lightly 

“hyuck” 

“huh-” 

“I love you”, you mumbled before going back to sleep 

“I love you too, idiot.” 

[gguktarts]

decathect | jk (3)

1. to withdraw one’s feelings of attachment from (a person, idea, or object), as in anticipation of a future loss

summary: if one thing was clear to you when you first met Jeon Jungkook, it was that he would never love you. at least, not the way you wanted him to.

pairing: jjk x reader genre: unrequited love au || angst || a bit of fluff || drabble series word count: 3.5k parts: « previous | 3 / ? | next » cw: none this chap, i think. maybe it’s a bit less angsty than the ones before. note: this chap (is rlly crap i APOLOGIZE) was meant to include another scene,, but idk how to write!!! properly!!! and the first scene got outta hand so :(( here it is. the next part i rotated for it to be on the next update. im so sorry it took long,, id rather not get into the personal specifics about it but i got bad writers block at certain points and just. didnt get to finish it for my own deadline 🥺 & im still developing my writing so please!! if anyone feels like something is off/like it dragged on for too long (which is what i felt), etc, etc please let me know. also i haven’t checked for mistakes so sfhdk there’s that aha

The last few days were hectic, with finals approaching and your mind on absolute overdrive. Your Intro to Thermal Physics course was biting you in the ass, which you had felt oddly thankful for. With no time to think about Jungkook or the girl in his painting, the hours blurred themselves into a continuous loop of exhaustion and academic focus: wake up, go to class, study, sleep, rinse and repeat. You’ve even gone as far as seeking out Hoseok, your astronomy lab partner and the busiest bastard you’ve ever met, to have extended study sessions within the Atrium’s library. The mixed efforts of passing the course with flying colors, and avoiding all trace to your fuckboy crush, had so far been a success—in some ways more than others.

Time spent around any hall (either within the dorms or elsewhere in the university) was minimally reduced to avoid any lingering shadows in the corners of your eyes, while each study session left you feeling more confident. Effective, convenient. Two birds, one worm. Yes, worm.

Two mouths, shared crumbs though. Your extreme devotion to the books had, after all, demanded social sacrifice. 

You haven’t seen Tae nor Joon—nor any of the other boys in days, and while you aren’t ignoring them per se, they likely know why you were behaving the way you did up until yesterday. 

That night, after dinner and after dark, Taehyung had found you with your face buried in his favorite pillow, with droopy eyes and a soft pout etched onto your lips. You didn’t need to tell him about your crush, nor did you have to speak. All he needed was a look at you, a single glance, for him to decide you needed his comfort but also some space.

But apparently enough was enough, and your presence was pointedly demanded the very minute after you handed in your last exam. The day of the week —Thursday— was thus dubbed “Movie-Theather-Night” effective immediately, so he said.

That’s why currently you find yourself staring at Jimin’s front door, phone held tight between your fingers. Tae told you he was already, conveniently, near the ticket stand so he would “obviously” buy the tickets in advance. That left you with the other side quest he couldn’t complete, which you blindly agreed to do. 

Your job is simple: grab Jimin —yes, the little one with a penchant for lateness— and meet up with Tae before 7. 

Swallowing a groan, you pointedly stared up at the imaginary heavens beyond the building’s ceiling. Praying it be on your side for a few hours longer at least, you tuck away your phone (Tae’s mild threat about stealing Jimin’s rings if the latter didn’t hurry getting dressed completely unnoticed by you), knock on the door by mere habit, and go in.

You don’t expect the loud moans, you really don’t.

Jimin’s name gets stuck halfway past your throat as the high-pitched whines continue pouring over the living room, stiffening your shoulders and rooting your legs to the floor just a step inside the flat—just enough for the door to close itself shut. It isn’t even loud enough to cover the sounds either. Your ears turn red in a heartbeat, embarrassment tugging your lips into a frown, when you note the timbre of low, soft grunts you know belong to one guy. They hide behind and below the higher pitched ones, but you somehow pick them up nonetheless. 

They don’t last long. Or maybe time goes by alarmingly fast when you zone out, because not two, three minutes later, one of the muffled voices scoffs out in discontent, dulcet tones all gone.

“What? Now?” you hear, feeling the disbelief permeating the air along with underlying disappointment. “But I thought—”

The sudden thud of a door slamming open makes you jump, startling you into partial motion before the girl rushing out the hallway catches you like a deer in headlights. 

You hate how quickly you notice that she’s not the girl from Jungkook’s painting. And it’s hard not to feel guilty when your heart quickens its pace at the idea that maybe both of them are nothing more than victims of his ways. Actually, you hope for it, because you can’t help but feel it’s equally jarring to see one of his choices so soon, and so up close, right after he’s done with her. Her disheveled hair and bruised neck, the traces he’s left, almost distract you from the heated glare she sends your way for blocking the door. Almost. 

You move out of her way when she tries pushing past you, leaving with a huff and as quickly as she appeared.

Suddenly, this movie-theater-night sidequest thing seems like a really bad idea. A very bad idea. You hate it here. 

“J-jiminie?” you move near the hall, voice shaky in all ways you don’t want it to be. “I’m here, let’s go.”

“Just a second! There’s finally some goddamn silence—”

His muffled voice carries over from your left, closer than the door of his room. You briefly debate waiting for him there, the aspect of continuing your naturally cryptic tendencies very seductive. On the other hand, you could raid his pantry for any and all m&ms, which sounds far more soothing to your rumbling stomach. 

Decided entirely on candy—Taehyung would definitely enjoy mixing it with the bucket of popcorn he never fails to buy—and maybe some food, you turn around only to collide with something, hard. 

The start of what sounds like a “boo!” trails to a low grunt upon impact. It drowns out your sharp gasp, and if it weren’t for the hands grabbing you by the elbows you’d have likely lost your footing entirely. 

“Oh—shit”

Jungkook’s wide eyes and o-shaped lips greet you full force, his cheeks a soft pink hue you’ve been missing lately. They don’t exactly match the deeper flush painting you from ear to ear, your reactions to him far less graceful when so near in proximity. You can’t even speak, too enthralled by the warmth of his hands, by how his eyes shift over your body in evident worry. The way his lips tremble into a frown makes you want to smooth them into out just to see his face light up like you’re more used to, but a look to his neck is more than enough to remind you what happened just minutes ago. Right. 

“Hey, sorry, didn’t think you’d turn around so quickly, are you alright?” he asks, hands moving lower on your arms and eyes searching, as if he’s testing if you’re steady enough. Taking the chance, you quickly pull back and rip them altogether from his hold. His lips form a pout you don’t catch. 

“Yea, I’m, uh…”

Your mouth runs dry when you let your eyes travel lower, along exposed ink, sun-kissed skin and hardened muscle you had never seen before. A faint stripe of hairs peeks out from behind his gray sweats, the sight enough to make your mind wonder how he looks lower underneath. Would he be as pretty as you imagine him to be?

Fuck. Typical. Just your luck.

Pushing the thought away, you will yourself to grimace and take a step back, away from his heat and onto clearer ground. It helps that the sudden scent lingering on him isn’t the most pleasant one.

“I’m fine, thanks. Wasn’t it laundry day yesterday?” you ask, a weak attempt to defy the heat spreading up your neck once you fully process his touch, and to hopefully derail whatever thoughts he likely just formed of you. 

“What?” Jungkook looks down at himself with mild amusement, a smirk growing on his lips before his eyes bore into yours again. “Do you want me to wear a shirt? Do you not like what you see?”

Again. You hate it here.

You ignore the way your stomach tightens, hating that what he’s implying is right. A part of you does, undeniably, like seeing his skin, you can’t deny that to yourself. But for all of that, an even bigger part of you exists that simply does not. Not when your head swims with the overwhelming idea of getting rid of the dot on his collarbone, be it by hiding it through makeup or painting it a deeper hue of violet all on your own. And much less when the smell of sex gets more distinct each passing second, making you scrunch your nose in distaste. 

“No,” you grumble, crossing your arms and making your way past him and towards the kitchen. 

“No you don’t want me to wear a shirt?” he counters, tilting his head to the side, round eyes faking innocence a few steps behind you.

You whip your head around without thinking, cheeks pink and eyebrows knitted together in annoyance as an unthought retort makes its way to your throat. Before you can say anything in return, though, he’s already grinning at your flustered state. 

“I’m kidding,“ he laughs, “You’re just easy to tease, Y/N, sorry. I was going to go shower but apparently hyung’s still in there, and I haven’t seen you in a while, so." 

That last bit goes completely over your head. ’Still’ is definitely worrying, but you’d rather not know how long he’s been there in total.

"Do you think he’ll be there for more than 10?” you ask, briefly looking at the clock and doing some math. If it’s 6:27 he has exactly 10 minutes to finish. Since the ride to the theater takes around 15 minutes, let’s say 5 is spent on parking, then you’d have exactly 3 minutes to find Tae before the clock strikes 7:00.

“Hopefully not, but who knows.”

“Very reassuring,” you deadpan. It comes out halfheartedly, your focus now on finding the candy stash they keep in the corner cabinet of their kitchen.

Jungkook trains his gaze on your shorter frame when you set your attention on the upper shelf, noticing your confusion at the sight of all the snacks up there. Grabbing a mini bottle of milk from the fridge, he watches on with amusement as you get on your tippy toes, hand trying and failing to grasp the giant yellow bag of m&m’s you’re determined to steal. Before today he’d wondered why Jimin keeps on buying two bags when the shorter strictly eats the peanut-less ones, and when Yoongi doesn’t even eat sweets, but now it makes more sense to him. He vaguely remembers you eating his bag without knowing it was his. Not that he ever corrected you.

Clearly, your struggles are new to you. The peanut m&ms were always on the bottom shelf, always. You had no clue the others decided just last week to stash the dorm’s snacks somewhere more unreachable, mostly so it’s partially forgotten and not inhaled in a single day as compared to how it’s been until then.

Exasperation reveals itself on your clenched jaw and dramatic pout, but just when you’re about to climb the counter, a pair of warm hands anchor themselves to your waist and joist you upwards. 

“W-whoa, hey— w,what are you doing?” Your breath hitches and squeaks as you tense, unused to the touch but trying to work on automatic as warning signals immediately start to blare red. 

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Some of his warmth spreads through the thin fabric of the shirt you’re wearing, giving you goosebumps and speeding up your pulse. “I should be the one with questions, you shorty. Like, is there a reason you’re stealing our m&m’s?” Jungkook asks, tone light and in total contrast to the hot breath you feel against your back. It ignites a shiver to run down your spine, no permission given. Honestly, you’re surprised you hear him over the pulse continuously pounding in your ears.

“Is there a reason you’re helping me steal your m&m’s?” You counter with a mumble, voice small despite your tries to seem unbothered.  Holding onto the wooden cabinets for some stability, you snatch up the bag.

Below you Jungkook drags out a hum as if he’s thinking it through, but with his chest millimeters from your back you can feel the subtle vibrations. You want to scream. Shovel it, Y/N. Shovel it.

“Eh, I don’t mind sharing food in times of need.”

“How do you—is it my dark circles? Do they look that bad?” After Tae’s message you had gone straight for a shower and a fresh change of clothes. Makeup had never been a source of comfort, and today was no different. 

“Um…”

Peering down with the full intent of adding that he can bring you down now, you catch a glimpse of the fading marks on his knuckles seconds before his grip tightens around your waist. If Jungkook manages to hear your weak whimper he says nothing. He simply lowers you gently and without command, muscles flexing but no complaints of your weight present. 

“Thanks,” you add, turning to face him but rooting yourself to the spot instead of following his touch like you want to do. There’s only so much you can take before all that’s left is to crumble, and you deny to let yourself seem that weak. It’s not like you’ve changed your mind regarding your crush, after all. The quicker you forget about it, the better. The more you suppress it, the easier it will be to forget. Right? “For the lift, I mean, and for allowing my petty crime.”

The fact that you find Jungkook halfway towards the island counter, mere seconds after he lets go, stays in the front of your mind. The distance between you two grows back to the one you’re used to faster than you expect. 

“Y'welcome,” he says, words slurred together as his accent shows and that toothy, bunny smile of his gets shot your way. It’s blatantly infuriating how easily he manages to make your erratic heart thud, thud, thud. But you swallow the truth, suppress how you’ve long to see every little thing he keeps on doing. “And nah, you should’ve seen Yoongi hyung this morning. Still look exhausted though. When do you finish?”

“Today—”

Jungkook blinks. “Already?”

“—Mhm. Which is why Taetae wants to hang out, and why I need these,” you motion for the bag cradled in your arms as if it were your very own child—as if you’d ever want any. The small space on the counter becomes your new seat, feet swaying anxiously with each second Jimin doesn’t come out.

“Let me guess. Movies?” he asks, eyes starry as he slurps the remaining liquid from his bottle and extends an arm your way. You get the gist of what he wants when he makes grabby hands. He looks adorable, but the way his bare torso keeps on making your stomach flip and sink at any given glimpse tells you he’s actually at his most dangerous. 

You simply nod, letting him grab some m&ms from your bag before you can come to regret it.

“Which one?”

“I… dunno yet,” you confess, head tilting. “It’s his turn to choose.” Truthfully, the question hadn’t come up. Movie sessions at the dorms always consist of rotating turns: one week him, one week Jimin, one week you. Considering Tae hadn’t even mentioned the name, you take it he’s claiming his turn. It’s been ages since you’ve been to the theater, as well, so no new or specific titles of your choice come to mind.

Sometimes it baffles Jungkook that he doesn’t really know how much time you spend with his friends. Tough maybe less when he met you first, lately whenever you’re available he’s busy trying to finish his latest piece, or getting x or y homework done with, or waiting for inspiration to strike, or de-stressing through a good fuck or some exercise. Or at least he thinks so. Whether you’re busy with astrophysics or something else he doesn’t ask, he only knows you’re often not there. So whenever he hears about you from his hyungs, he wonders just how close you’ve gotten to the most important people in his life, while completely skipping over his radar. 

“Oh? ” he hums, mildly interested but unable to say or do much else besides munch.

An idea begins to play in your head as you pop a blue in your mouth, the recurring invite repeating itself like a broken record stuck in repeat, waiting to be talked about. Would he even want to go with you guys? Part of you figures he doesn’t, that he’s likely preoccupied with matters unknown to you so there’s no point in asking. The other half tells you to try anyway, that maybe officializing a… deeper friendship —if you had one in the first place— might be just what you need. To take him off the pedestal your heart built for him, to know a more real side of him, if he ever allows it.

“Hey, Jungkook? Would—”

“Incoming”

Your tongue gets tied to your throat the second Widowmaker’s voice travels around the kitchen, resounding loudly from whereyou guess is his pocket.

Jungkook gives you a sheepish look as he takes his phone out, a sorry halfway past his lips when his eyes catch the screen. He’s so entranced by whatever is catching his attention that his voice loses all volume. By the way his head suddenly cocks to the side, you know he’s either feeling challenged or having his ego massively stroked, but you can’t quite place the flush faintly covering his cheekbones.

Another apology tries leaving him when he notices your waiting stare, his fingers hurriedly tapping at his screen. But it’s a useless effort, since he’s cut off again, this time by ringtone. 

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to answer, a slight smirk of his in place. You can’t help but squirm and look away.

“Gimme a sec babe—no I’m not, just give me—”

Oh. 

The way his tone changes, the way his eyes glaze in less than a heartbeat, him. You drown it all out, drown him out. You don’t need this right now, or so soon, or at all.

As if knowing you need a saviour and a distraction, your forgotten phone begins to play Tae’s chosen ringtone. The clock reads 6:36 pm. 

“Oh, fuck.” Scrambling, you pocket the bag of chocolates and stand up in a hurry. 

“Wait, Y/N,” Jungkook calls from his seat. You see his phone pressed to his chest, as to muffle your conversation from being heard, or to ignore the loud voice still finding a way to be heard over his own. “What did you want to ask me?”

But it’s then that Jimin barrels out of the bathroom, loud and striking as if a new form of thunder. And like thunder, you hear his voice before his body.

“I’M DONE, Y/NNNNNN LET’S GOOoooo!" 

His voice dies out the closer he gets to you, a confused sound replacing his words at the sight of his roommate. It’s clear he didn’t expect to find you and Jungkook in the same room, presumably… interacting. 

Turning to the youngest, you offer a halfhearted shrug and an easy lie. "I kinda forgot already, sorry." 

If he replies, you don’t know. You don’t register Jimin’s confused "huh? forgot what?” either. Tae’s call had gone to voicemail amidst all the noise, so you have to do damage control. 

As expected, he picks up after the first ring. “Y/n?"

"Is that Tae?” Jimin suddenly asks, head whipping your way. His tiny hands reach for your phone without your confirmation, making you twist away to evade his wiggling fingers. t’s as if he somehow knows it’s his friend despite not being able to hear his voice, nor you giving any indication. “Kim Taehyung! Why aren’t you picking up my—”

“Hyung, can you lower your voice?” Jungkook calls from somewhere in the background, a bit exasperated at the commotion. 

Your head hurts. Why couldn’t they both shut up? 

“Hey, Jimin’s with me already, we’ll be on our way.”

“Ya, Jungkook, are you really asking me that? Just go talk somewhere else! And what are you doing without a shirt on? I told you not to harass Y/N.”

You can hear Taehyung whining from the other end of the line. Honestly, you missed it, missed him. “You haven’t left? Is that Jungkook? Why are you still in the dorms?”

“What? I didn’t do anything! If you didn’t take so long in the bathroom—wait—” a timbre shift. He’s not talking to Jimin anymore. “Did you really just disobey me?" 

“Disgusting…” Jimin huffs from besides you, annoyed and equally embarrassed by his roommate’s lack of shame. It’s exactly what he needs to move into action, bidding the boy farewell with a simple “just behave while I’m gone.”

You can only roll your eyes at the background exchange, ignoring, ignoring, ignoring. "No, yes, and I’ve no idea why but we’re leaving now,” you answer. Jimin’s smaller hand grabs yours before you finish speaking, pulling you along until you fall into steps behind him.  “Plus I bring m&ms so that’s a win.”

You don’t catch Jungkook’s warm see you later!, too caught up with Tae’s praise over your choice of chocolate and the rush to go once and for all. 

And that’s okay. You wouldn’t have been able to answer, anyway. Not with the growing uncertainty in your chest. 

Would a friendship with him be worth the impending heartache? Could you put yourself through that before you push your own feelings away?

Maybe you aren’t ready just yet.

[border-spam]

Leech Lord: Allies

Troy

Gar is about as native as a Pandoran can get, and has for years had a very soft spot for the bratty King.

He's old colonist, thinks his parents might have been with Atlas on one of the many failed corporate town setups that plagued Pandora 30-ish years ago. He was too young to remember who's banner they flew under when his family stepped out of the shuttle and onto the dust planes they’d been instructed to settle, just that things went wrong fast and anyone still alive 18 months later had needed to adapt quickly to what constitutes living on this planet.

He was drawn to the Holy City for the same reasons as most survivalists, it was an opportunity for safety and a roof over your head. Not needing to fight to eat or scrabble to stay alive is a blessing for most Pandorans, and he's one of the thousands who live within the walls who don't quite worship the twins as Gods, but praise them as holy... because the twins gave them a chance to have a home. Wether they are deities or not isn't a factor in the loyalty they've’ earned.

He's skilled with food. Knows how to spice spoiled flesh to hide the rot, pickle cactus root and delicate rock blossoms for long storage, or how long rakk wing needs to be slow roasted to turn from gamey string to meat that melts in the mouth.

Like most in the HC, he ended up where his skills have value and has ran the kitchens in the Grand Cathedral since its founding bricks were set.

It didn't take very long for him to find Troy in it one night - picking through ingredients and half finished dishes in the early AM.

While he'd expected to need to drop to his knees and grovel, the God King had seemed more embarrassed than anything, awkwardly explaining he hadn't eaten that day and asking if there was anything left from the after sermon banquet. 

His eager politeness had hit Gar hard, but his reaction to finding out the leftovers had been destroyed was what left a lasting impression.

Gar had thought the twins affluent spoiled little shits who'd hit things lucky on Pandora and been clever enough to know how to use their wealth to culture worship, so when Troy was genuinely upset to the point of disgust that food had been wasted like that? It changed his perception immediately.

This wasn't the reaction of some egotistical little shitbag from a wealthy background, this was the visceral panic and anger of someone who'd starved before, who understood the insult of food being destroyed when there were so many hungry... when he'd known hunger.

It took less than 24 hours for the kitchen policies to be changed and Gar's team to find out nothing was to be wasted. Uneaten and unused stock was to be transported at end of day to the Slums from now on, where it would "Bolster the flesh of the faithful."

Every time he finds Troy hunting through his kitchen at 4 am over the years, their chats grow a little longer.

By late COV, Gar's meals delivered to his sanctum are some of the only things God King Calypso still trusts enough to eat.

Tyreen

Xanshi Ur-Vendit is obsessed with the God Queen.

As her Saint of Marketing, he's got both her ear and a position of high authority within the organisation that he covets viciously, and takes great personal offense towards newer Saints he doesn't deem worthy of the title.

His pedigree speaks for itself, the man had quite a reputation on Promethea among the media departments of the high corporations. An expertly trained and cut-throat money maker that was the exact kind of egotistical, nasty piece of work that would be drawn to the God Queen's side.

Has direct tie in's with the esteemed Katagawa family, something he's used to his benefit throughout his career.

He fawns over her, she can do no wrong around him, and he spends as many hours of the day as he can trailing behind her heels like a lapdog, reaffirming her beauty and intelligence and infallibility with every breath he can manage between the underhanded threats he aims towards anyone possibly about to draw her attention away from him.

Hates Troy. Fucking hates him.

Too much of a hole-sucking little coward in his $60k three piece suit to actually do anything about it of course, but he takes plenty of his vitriol out on Troy's departments instead.

Marketing has such massive reach within the internal structure of the COV that he's able to throw his weight around far more than some of her other Saints, and regardless of if they actually like him, they tend to back Xan and his opinions automatically.

A huge amount of the conflict between departments and heads is driven by this imagined competitiveness, that Troy's people, Troy's chosen, must in some way be inferior to Tyreen's.

Xan is her right hand in his own mind, he's her holy knight. If she holds too much misplaced love for her brother to see how pathetic he is in comparison to her radiance, then it's up to Xan to keep Troy's people in place...

In reality? Tyreen isn't even invested in him enough to remember Xanshi's full name.

Seifa

Sei makes friends in low places far easier than higher ones, always has. People at the bottom of the ladder, folks who have struggled? They recognise each other. Doesn't matter where on the scales they currently stand, there's an unspoken nod, a side glance. You see your own - even if who you are has been lucky enough to change over time.

While she's never been in one place long enough to set up a friend network before that was tangible and not based on e-comms and data feeds, she's woven one since settling in the HC without really even noticing it was happening.

One-hand Jim in the King's Call, that high end rave bar near the cathedral grounds. Not so gruff now he's not drowning in debt, few more smiles while he's mixing cocktails.

Cleo in munitions stocks, breathing a bit easier since her son landed that underling role in the Mechanica, more food on the table with less worry.

Feliz and Irgo running deals in the western slum backstreets. Not competing against the HammerClaws for territory anymore since JK "got wind" of the shit they were cutting their gear with and had Vanguard waiting at their quarters for a polite discussion about unspoken laws. What Fe and Iggy are selling isn't exactly high quality but at least it won't rot your brain inside the skull.

Sei will tell you she's a lone wolf. She'll insist she’s a one woman show, runs shit on her own and doesn’t need others.

But watch closely when out with her in the city, check how often she buys a drink, how often it's not on an invisible tab the barstaff nod knowingly about as they hand her glass over with a smirk.

She's never asked to pay.

That should tell you plenty.

Seifa and Tyreen

- Early COV

"Ty, you ever wish you were born a guy?"

Of all the things Tyreen had expected to hear from Sei tonight, that... wasn’t it. She stopped reading the same piece of nonsensical math in the sheet she was holding to gawk at Seifa instead, staring at the other woman’s back as she continued to work on the data records they'd been passing between them all evening.

"No.. god. What, and look like Troy?" she snorted with a wince. "Nooooo thanks" Ty sighed as she leaned back and heard her stiff spine pop, waiting for a response that didn't come. She felt a pang of concern as Sei's shoulders sank a little lower in front of her, deflating.

This wasn’t normal, where was the bitchy retort, or joining in on insulting her brother? She shuffled together the files and stood, walking to her friend's side and sitting slowly next to her in the quiet of the twin's shared office. Sei still hadn’t responded, pretending to be completely absorbed by the notes she stared at. Ty cleared her throat with a cough.

"Uhhh.. why?"

Seifa silently reached to her side to take the offered files from Ty as she sat, pointedly not making eye contact, though the younger woman picked up on the redness in them easily enough.

"Sei, I need to have someone's hands cut off?" 

Ty pouted, hitting her mark as Seifa failed to completely hide a smirk in response.

"I need to have someone thrown into a pit? Huh? C'mon Sei, talk to me. You always tell me I need to talk more about things that me down, right?" she weedled, hands clasped over her heart as she faux whined, earning a quiet laugh from her companion.

"Oh god Tyreen SURE, if you'll shutup." Sei groaned, leaning back in her chair and running hands over her eyes. She was tired. Beyond tired, really. Always said she knew how to not outstay her welcome but had been wondering recently if that had ever been true. Day to day in the cult, managing people she’d never meet and holding the weight of more responsibility than she’d ever wanted was eating at her. Had been for some time. Nights like this helped, shooting shit with Tyreen, bitching, sometimes gently bullying Troy together if he’d decided to grace them with his janky presence, but still.. it was heavy, and Seifa was tired. 

"Ahh.. just the usual shit" she whispered, thumbing through the papers as Tyreen leaned a little closer, as much of a comforting presence as she could muster all things considered. An arm around the shoulder or gentle stroke of hair wasn’t an option. All Ty had was words and honestly, they weren’t exactly her forte.

“It's just like. Sometimes when I'm talking, and it's about something they think I shouldn't know shit about, like how Burgess is spending too much of your budget on expensive, low grade gear-assemblies when if we went off brand I can prove it would be better, they just zone out."

"It's like.. if they thought I had a cock, if I was 6'4, they'd be listening. " she added, eyes burning again.

She groaned, leaning over the table and resting her cheek across her folded arms.

"I got so angry. I'm used to dealing with it, it's always happened, but I just boiled over. This week has been.. long, I guess." she whispered, pinching the bridge of her nose as Tyreen watched quietly. "I ate into him in front of like, 6 other people Ty, couple of heads were there. That doesn't help my reputation does it.. that's just making shit worse. I'm sabotaging myself. They think I'm a bitch already without me starting a fight and stirring the pot."

Tyreen shifted in her seat, eyes thoughtful as she rested her chin in her hands, elbow propped on the table edge.

"Nah. "

"Just sounds like they're dumb. I keep telling Troy we need people with actual brains leading this shit Sei, if you're getting ignored cause you have tits? Haha. Wait till they meet me in person. " she grinned, a genuine act peeking through her usual haughty persona as Seifa chuckled.

"I mean my rack is way bigger than yours, you're flat as a fuckin' plank in comparison."

Asks are Open!

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki SSL Valentine’s Day Special

*sigh* I finished psychedelica of the black butterfly recently.... and geez I thought it was more tragic than ashen hawk (I really liked hikage’s and kagiha’s routes.... though i feel that by playing ashen hawk beforehand i knew that something was off at the start from the intro, and with kagiha given what happens). i’m probably going to translate the 2015 otomate party drama for it in the future since I have it in Chinese (provided no one else is planning on doing so)... unfortunately it’s like the Hakuoki drama that i just finished in that I don’t have text and will involve snipping the subtitles off a video....one day though.

Anyway. This translation is from the Dengeki Girl’s Style Magazine in the 2014 March issue. Felt stupidly long to do.

Translator notes will be located at the end for this.

also, i just wanna say it feels like Section 31 was involved in the Mars incident in Star Trek: Picard. 

enjoy~

Hakuoki SSL Dengegki GS Valentine’s Day Special March 2014

Translation from KumoriYami

Principal Kondou Isami: Speaking of February, Valentine's Day comes to mind/you'll immediately think of Valentine's Day!! This has nothing to do with being a warrior?......Everyone doesn't have to be so brave? This month, we interviewed 10 very popular men from our school about Valentine's day. People who want to receive chocolate from girls must read this carefully!

Questions

What type of chocolate would you like to receive, if you received chocolate on Valentine's Day?

What are you going to do on White Day?

Recently there have been many names of the types of chocolate that people have been giving to others, for example, friends chocolate, giri chocolate, boys/men to girl/women chocolates, and so on, what do you think of this trend?

Vice-principal/ Classical Literature teacher / 2nd Year Class 1 Homeroom teacher/ Disciplinary Committee Supervisor Hijikata Toshizou

If someone wants to give me chocolate, ordinary chocolate is fine. But, nothing too sweet.

......Is this really necessary? Since it's a return gift for chocolate, then getting the other person something to eat is fine.

I feel that these people are following a trend. If you really want to have it made, getting honmei chocolate is enough.

2nd Year Class 1/ Kendo Club Okita Souji

Bite-sized milk chocolate is good. It has the right sweetness that I like.

Ah~ White Day. Are you looking forward to this holiday/celebration/ festival?

Isn't it nice to receive/good enough to get a bunch of chocolates? Though that has nothing to do with me.

2nd Year Class 2/ Kendo Club/ Disciplinary Committee Saito Hajime

Since this is considered an important matter for someone to give...... regardless if it is bitter or sweet it must be received.

 It's best to go with hand-made chocolate. Starting with the ingredients..... No, first learn how to practise making it. 

Although this deviates from the original purpose, as it can disrupt discipline. If needing to send something, one is enough.

2nd Year Class 1/ Kendo Club Toudou Heisuke

Well...... I'd like to get biscuits and chocolates or something.

If it's for a normal return gift, I might give candy also gummies [says soft candy] or something.

Eh......How many types are there? But, it doesn't matter as long as you get to eat chocolate.

Health and physical education teacher/ Year 1 Class 1 Homeroom teacher Harada Sanosuke

If it's a gift from the heart, a hand-made cake made for dessert would be nice.

That...... perhaps I might give her a special lecture. [pfft.....LOLLLLLLL]

 Although there are many ways to express one's feelings...... it is best to cherish your relationships.

Year 3 Class 3/ Student Council President Kazama Chikage

Of course hand-made chocolate is proof of my wife's vow of love for me.

I intend to prepare gold powdered candies for my wife to eat for a lifetime.

This trend is wrong. Anything used to convey one's feelings should be returned in the same way [???]. 

School doctor/ accountant [when was Sanan an accountant?] Sanan Keisuke

Although I won't eat it, chocolate mixed with a red liquid should be pretty good.

Due to the meaning/significance of that day, I'd like to give the other person something memorable/unforgettable as a gift. 

Expressing love isn't limited to only one method, [though] doing that really isn't bad.

Math teacher/ 2nd Year Class 2 Homeroom teacher Nagakura Shinpachi

As long I can receive something, it doesn't matter! Just bring it!

Yes, after receiving a gift one must give something in return...... Excuse me/sorry, is it alright/possible to give something a bit smaller?

It's just a trend...... I don't want to cater to this trend at all.

1st Year Class 2/ Disciplinary Committee Nagumo Kaoru

Chocolate? To be honest, I don't care for Valentine's Day.

If it's necessary to send a return gift...... how is that possible!

Che, this trend is indeed sad. If you want some you aren't allowed to go buying it.

2nd Year Class 2/ Health Committee Yamazaki Susumu

If I receive chocolate, I hope to receive the type that is easy is convenient and easy to carry anywhere to replenish energy. 

Something healthy/Something good for your health. If possible it would be best to give the receiving party food with low amounts of calories.

I always think that there is something wrong when trends deviate from their original intentions....... In short, remember to brush your teeth after you finish eating.

Principal Kondou Isami: How about it? Can this be used as a good reference? I'm very curious about how much chocolate everyone will receive!

-----------------

TN since I’m not really familiar with Japanese chocolate names (probably cuz the manga I read isn’t really school life oriented): 

friend chocolate translation says "友人巧克力" literally "friend chocolate". so that might mean tomo chocolate

Giri chocolate is chocolate given by women/girls to men/boys who are usually just friends. kinda in the 'thanks for taking care of me' sense

the boys/men to girls/women chocolate might refer to gyaku chocolate

honmei chocolate is chocolate given from women to their significant other usually

-------------------

i had to go and look up way more info on Japanese chocolate terms than I’d like for this translation.... also i find harada’s response to Q2 very interesting :3 lol.

pic at the start is from the 10th anniversary book. be content and suffer like i have from beating black butterfly as i refrain from posting the rest of that image! also im taking out my anger from doing that stupid defeating 1000 enemies quest in fire emblem heroes by grinding rival domains on you all! so suffer! suffer as i have! mwhahahahahaaaa!

lol.

i’d say jk but im really not posting that image til way later since still have yet to crop everything from that page (im procrastinating plus my queue is full for images til the end of march xD) plus i tend to want to post my scans as grouped by original release origin, the pages they’re scanned from (only reason y that ssl pic was with the others in the last batch), or by book (or by whatever i feel like lol). will still be posting more scans later today.... and with my other translations for the foreseeable future til i run out of images that i have saved on my comp.... Also I’m really annoyed right now since my scanner isnt connecting to my laptop for some stupid reason.

[she-who-the-river-could-not-hold]

Tagged by @kindclaws to answer her ten questions and then write ten of my own! I adore you and I adore this concept SO much thank you for tagging me!!! 🖤🖤

1. You can capture any smell in the world into a candle. What is it?

The smell of the forest after a rainy night, where the ground is still damp but the pine seems to have been awoken and the air is fresh from isolation and lingering winter from being at such a high elevation. There’s a hint of campfire burning in the undertones.

2. You can bring something back from extinction, whether that’s a dodo or a discontinued chocolate bar from your childhood. What is it?

Part of my instinct is to say “humanity’s belief that we can work together for a better future” and the other half of me says “Taco Bell’s Quesalupa”

3. What fictional world did you always wish you could escape to?

As a kid it was Harry Potter, my best friend and I would play the video games and just self-insert ourselves and like twenty OCs and characters we loved and play “as them” instead of Harry. Which now that I think about it was absolutely what got me into fanfiction. I was just so frustrated in school all of the time I longed for the idea of Hogwarts. I also made up a lot of worlds as a kid! I actually had a mural painted on my wall for most of my childhood that was a big fantasy scene set up with a castle and a forest with fairies, unicorns, elves, etc. and I’d fall asleep pretending I lived in the mural. I’ve been yearning from day one my friends.

4. If you did, say, fall into a portal to another fantasy world with like dragons and swords, what would you consider fighting to come back for? Would you?

My boyfriend because I’m a sap! But then I’d be down for us to go back in as long as I had a camera on me because SO COOL.  

5. What would you love to study if there were no tuition costs, no exams, no pressure to be hireable - or why not?

No exams = astronomy. I love space and I’m so fascinated by it but as someone who’s really bad at anything science or math related, I just want to sit in classes and learn about it. No tuition costs = just writing extensive research papers analyzing different movies and shows. My favorite essays I wrote in college were either literature interpretations (ex: Pride and Prejudice through a feminist/marxist lens), the making of the Lord of the Rings series, and a feminist analysis of the Disney Princess film franchise using quantitive and qualitative research. I’d love to do more of that and just take classes that related to it (I would love to do one on religion/myths and the 100 for example).

6. Advertisements are now illegal. What do you fill the empty billboards with?

TAKE THE BILLBOARDS DOWN. Jk mmm. Probably like some type of activism thing either about the environment? Or something peaceful/visually interesting so that people felt inspired when they saw it! So idk maybe pictures or something historical that’s from that location specifically?  

7. Best way to eat a potato?

Beyond just saying “every way,” at the end of the day I’m a basic and a sucker for french fries. But I will go on record and say my mom makes the best mashed potatoes and if you’re doing a baked potato don’t forget to hit the ends and roll it before cutting it open #just idaho things.

8. You have an unlimited home improvement budget and full creative control. What fun and zesty nonsense do you do to your house or workplace?

Oh THIS is a thrilling question. A really elaborate bar area so we could easily make all of our own cocktails and host parties. A room for all of our Disney memorabilia that we collect so it would need room for pins, posters/artwork, figurines. Probably Haunted Mansion or Tomorrowland themed. Honestly the living room would look straight out of a 50′s/60′s retro future modernist house. This isn’t even that wild but I just need a lot of surface area so I can have the coffee-table book collection of my dreams. Also a huge makeup room and office area for me to work in.

9. I’m running out of dinner ideas. Pls link me your favourite recipe.

aksldfjs I’m trash at cooking! Big fan of the simpleness of making spaghetti and buying a big ass baguette to split over a glass of cheap wine. Here’s an untested recipe that I’m hoping to try out this weekend though – Asado Chicken and Sauteed Lemon Zucchini!

10. What have you poured your soul into?

Making every thought and creative idea I have take over myself. Never stopping thinking about how things are made, how I could make it, what feeling it gives me. Immediately understanding colors and fonts and aesthetics so that I can try and create the worlds and ideas in my head. I’m consumed by the need to be making at all times and that’s from letting my imagination run the show.

-----------

Tagging: @the-most-beautiful-broom, @formerlyjannafaye, @annabthschase, @dylanobrienisbatman, @immortalcockroach, and @lucascsinclairs! My questions are below the cut!

1. You’re given the chance to be naturally good at something without needing to practice it ever again – what is it?

2. What’s a tradition you have with loved ones (family, friends, romantic, any!) that you really enjoy doing? Even if it’s random or not connected to a holiday!

3. Is there something out there that gives you that aching, yearning feeling in your gut that you can’t quite name?

4. Tell me something that’s made you smile recently!

5. Is there something just out of reach right now? A goal? A dream? If you take a minute or two now, are you able to think of the steps you could take to get closer to it? 

6. What do you want people to associate with you? Like if someone says, “I saw/heard/thought of [x] and I thought of you!” – what would fill you with delight because that means they really get you?

7. Think back, any weird childhood obsession or memory that is such a weirdly specific thing from back then that you haven’t thought about until I asked you this question?

8. Describe your life or yourself in fanfic terms like on AO3.

9. Quick! What’s something underrated that you love and that more people need to know about? Can be anything, doesn’t have to be fandom related.

10. It’s game night and you’re determined to be the victor. What game do you bring that you know you’re the champion of no matter how hard your friends try?  

[kinktae]

holy crap!! I just noticed y/n’s family in bitchin is like stranger things !!!! I love that sm omg love it so far btw ♡

YESSSS thank u for noticing!! I have a lot of fun with writing bitchin i do hehe

(warning: literal 80 asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: not @ me reading bitchin’ during math literally SLAMMING YHE DESK

crystalsnowd said: I LOVED BITCHINNNN OMG UR SO TALENTED I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART

Anonymous said: I was going to stay up to wait for Bitchin but I went to sleep instead because today is my first day of school (second year of university) so I decided to get sleep while I still could. Also I read the update on the train sitting next to a random lady and I really hope she didn’t look over at my phone lol. I loved the update and I can’t wait for the rest of the series!!!

Anonymous said: OMG BITCHIN WAS SO GOOD! You're such an amazing writer!!!

jun-sohyunnie-dotnet said: Just an fyi, bitchin' jk is my FAVORITE jk I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Ever. He could stomp all over me and I'd thank him profusely. (And you're writing is absolutely captivating 🥺💕💕)

sugarkinky said: Bitchin just wrecked me for real, U ARE AWESOME ROSE mierda que te amo chica ¿cómo consigues escribir así? Eres perfecta ❤

Anonymous said: Bruh bitchin was everything I wanted and more thank u baby

Anonymous said: Bitchin’ is amazing! I have so many feelings ahhhh!!! I love you and your work 🥺

awkwardaegyo said: YOU HAVE GOT ME SO THIRSTY FOR JUNGKOOK FUCKIN PARCHED D-HYDRATED IF YOU WILL BITCHIN HAS GOT ME FUCKEC UP!!!!!

Anonymous said: Bitchin' is literally my favourite fic right now, it's so good! 😍 Can't wait for the next part!!

gardenofrosesx said: Im in love with bitchin 🥺💗 I think that the song that represent it so well is Wait a minute by Willow Smith, every time a hear it I imagine this fic💗 I send you thousands of good vibes and love and peace to your side! Keep going 💗

Anonymous said: Ahhhh I just wanted to say bitchin is absolutely amazing and is so well written and I’m just completely hooked!!! YOU DID AMAZING!!! Also is there gonna be angst in future chapters BECAUSE IM REALLY NOT READY IF BOTH JUNGKOOK AND OC DENY THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER

Anonymous said: girl, I finally got around to reading bitchin' and I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T READ IT SOONER. it's been a while since I've found a chaptered fic that kept my interests but I was hooked with pt 1!!! I love your spin on tatbilb, and I love the characters you created. I have to honestly say, I'm also absolutely in love with the way you write. your descriptions and dialogue hit me in all the right places. I can't wait to see where this story takes me. thank you for doing what you do!

Anonymous said: Love Bitchin so far!

Anonymous said: i keep rereading bitchin pt. 5😭😭 love it so much

Anonymous said: hi!! I just wanted to leave an ask and let you know that you’re one of my absolute favorite authors and your work is incredible!! the concept behind your rewind series is so unique and interesting and all of the stories have been wonderful so far. I’m so looking forward to the rest of bitchin’ because it has been so so so good and I love the way that you’re developing the characters and the plot. I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Anonymous said: just finished bitchin 5 and ................ i cant believe how ure able to write jungkook to Life and characterize him in such an attractive way it makes it so artistic and aknejdjdj it’s art it’s everything

Anonymous said: Argh the grind is real! I’m about to start my exams too so we can both be working our asses off! Also Bitchin is such a great series and I wanted to let you know you’re an amazing writer!!! The series made me so emotionally invested in the characters and I can’t get enough of it!! ITS SO GOOODDD THANK YOU FOR WRITING SUCH A MASTERPIECE

sanniinnas said: Hiii! Love your writings soo much! You have such a talent with words! You inspire me as a writer and make me want to learn writing and English better.

Anonymous said: I am seriously laughing from the asks that have been send to you and i cannot wait to read the ff because now i am busy :( also random fact, my biology teacher told us aboit Rosa Franklin and i already knew about her, and all i could keep thinking was bitchin pt5 and i started laughing. They thought i was a maniac 😎🤙

Anonymous said: just wanted to say bitchin’ is *chefs kiss* and i can’t wait for part 7 🥺 i’m not trynna rush you i’m just excited 🥺

nochusbutt said: okay but FIRST OF ALL, YES BITCHIN’ YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. secondly, my name is Rose too I’m so, what? omg yes I literally share a name with a legend. quote me!! 🥰☺️🤪

Anonymous said: Ahhh I am so excited for Bitchin Pt 6!!! No exaggeration this is my all time favorite fic, I think ab it a lot honestly. Whenever I see 80s aesthetic BTS edits I think of Bitchin and lots of love songs make me think of this fic too. I’m not a huge fan of smut but this fic is just so good. The OCs and Jks interactions are precious and I’m obsessed with the 80s theme! I am a huge fan of angst so I am ready to cry my eyes out. Thank you for writing this amazing fic

Anonymous said: aight...time to go re-read bitchin again ....[insert /ah shit, here we go again/ video]

Anonymous said: I CANT WAIT FOR BITCHIN

hear-me-growl said: Wait! Bitchin' is not done?! It's one of my favourite fics ever! I love the whole cliche college vibe, the dialogues are sooo good and the chemistry between Jk and the girl it's just perfect, really. And now you tell me it's not finished.😱 I AM SO EXCITED! you've made my day! Keep up the good work, you are amazing 😍

Anonymous said: AAAAAAAA THE BITCHIN UPDATE WAS SO GOOD !!!!! but also Kiri that bItCh y/n don’t fall for it 🤡😩

Anonymous said: i want sleep but BITCHIN

Anonymous said: IM PUMPED FOR BITCHINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Anonymous said: Thankyou for updating bitchin sis!!!! But im so sad because this is their first fight(?) i hope they can talk about it and hoping kiri doesnt talk nonsense tp y/n ok :( but I AM GLAD JUNGKOOK REALIZE HE LIKES OC OKEY OKEY! 💜💜💜 sending 💜💜💜💜 to you because you deserve it👏🏼

diortae said: rose I have class in a few minutes and all I can think about is how much I want bitchin jk to raw me what have u DONE

Anonymous said: BITCHIN WAS GREATTTT 🥰 RLLY CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTT 🥺🥺

sunnyoongles said: bitchin is literally so good*chefs kiss* i love angst*chefs kiss* i love drama*chefs kiss* i just love the whole rewind series*chefs kiss*

Anonymous said: BITCHIN’ PART 6 EXCUSE ME STOP TRYING TO HURT MY FEELINGS IM NOT READY FOR THE ANGST

ppampin said: so yesterday i read bitchin pt. 6 three times in a row because it was just so good and now i can't wait to pt. 7 to come out

Anonymous said: Finally got to read bitchin 6, WTF IS GOING ON!? I’m so confused!! Do I trust my so called boyfriend or do I trust “girl code” by my boo’s ex who tried to scare me away from my boo the first time we met ??!!?

Anonymous said: i really need to know something about bitchin 🤔 is kiri a bitch or we don't have feminine rivalry here? help me out rose

Anonymous said: It is almost 1 am in here and I have a morning class but guess who is gonna binge re read all the Bitchin because the last chapter was so good?? 🤔

Anonymous said: I’m so ready for you to break our hearts in bitchin. I live for the angst 😭😭😪

Anonymous said: Rose you are KILLING ME with this story like I'm not even caught up on my favorite TV shows this week but goddammit I still made time for Bitchin' 💕💕💕

cheeky-kookie said: Girl I am sooooo fucking happy with Bitchin' 6. Like I love the small progressions Jungkook is having coming to terms with his actual feelings with Y/N. Also btw, loving the whole Yara/Tae moments going on ;) As always, I'm in love. Thank you for blessing us with this masterpiece

Anonymous said: Rosie !! I just read Bitchin’ and BIIIIITCH you have my feelings on a rollercoaster !!!!!! I’ve never been so invested in a fanfic like this and imma tell you how much I appreciate you for putting your work out on the internet. Especially for free like wtf ! Your writings are some quaLITY shit that I would purchase without hesitation 👌🏽👏🏽 I was wondering if you ever considered going into the writing career ? Anyways have a lovely day 💛💛 -MC

Anonymous said: This ch 6 getting all the attention away from my precious zombie Jungkook 😤 But who am I to say I love Bitchin😂😍 This Kiri better not be playing dirty games we are already not in good terms with her 🧐 And why is nobody talking about the fact that Y/N finally got her event she dreamed of?? Congrats girlll 🎊🎉🥳👌👏

Anonymous said: EXCUSE ME DID I READ THAT U SAID BITCHIN WILL BE ANGSTY FROM HERE ON OUT WBAT MY HEART I CANG FJSHSHDJS

sapphireprinces5 said: I am 1000% not ready for angst between the precious y/n and Jungkook in Bitchin’ omfg i’m honestly terrified and going to buy some tissues from the cvs across the street

Anonymous said: I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN 6 AND JUNGKOOK PLS TELL ME THAT JUNGKOOK IS OVER KIRI )))): he couldn’t have been lying about the way he felt for y/n even though it was reheated, right??? I’m SADD. But Rose, you are so beyond talented!!! I love reading your works!!!

Anonymous said: Ok, Rose you gotta let me know if Bitchin’ will have a happy ending, because I don’t know if my emotions can handle an upseti spaghetti ending. Anywho I love you and your writing, everything is chefs kiss. 💗

Anonymous said: bitchin will have 10 parts?????? ma'am u got the power

Anonymous said: OKAY SO BITCHIN’ IS AMAZING AND LIKE— I LOVE (1) DUMB “”””COUPLE”””” Your writing is amazing omg

Anonymous said: Me: already read bitchin completely You: reblogs pt.6 Me: a little refresher wouldn’t hurt 👀

Anonymous said: I wish u the best during your hiatus!!! Take lots of care bby :3 Just wanted to tell you how much I love the 'Bitchin' series, I'm shooketa at how well written it is. Y/N is a really refreshing character, especially as an STEM major myself, it's so relatable to some extent, especially when it comes to appreciating compliments about your inteligence, that really got me, since it's kinda unsual. I hope I found a Jungkook one day then :') jk, but really, I absolutely loved it, you're the best!!!

Anonymous said: hi just so u r aware if u make the end of bitchin’ sad i will cry. that will be on u. my tears will be UR fault.

Anonymous said: i just wanted to say thank you. when bitchin’ came out, there was a part where y/n talks about why she hated her twin sisters. it was comforting to know that i wasn’t alone in feeling uncool or boring. i never brought up my brother because i thought people would see how uncool i was and so i put my effort into school instead. thanks for bringing me comfort and for pushing me to love myself more and to change my viewpoints on the parts of myself i view as boring!!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛🌼

this made me :’))) i love knowing that you can find comfort in my characters!!! there is a little piece of me in all my characters but I do try to make them all somewhat different so that other people can relate. best of luck lovely!!

purplealiensblog said: Yo ily and cant wait for the next chapter of bitchin but i have to share: i got a notif on a new chapter and was all excited and then i discover its tumblr being glitchy again and notifying me on the last one :( i hope you will find time soon to write the rest and thank you for writing i love your work🥰♥️

Anonymous said: BITCH I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN IN JUST ONE DAY AND NOW I’M CRYING BECAUSE THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE FIC OF ALL TIME!!!.!.!.! (also sorry my bad englisheu i’m not native lmao)

Anonymous said: HELLO LOVELY AAAAAAAA IM HAPPY YOURE BACK 😩 are u reallyback tho? Hehe im so shookt with the new chapter of bitchin’ has me yearning for more😭 im def a proud bitchinator😔👏 tHANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS😃 WE LOVE U!!!!💜 we MISSED YOU!! 💜 i hope u are loved and happy and cared for! 💜K

Anonymous said: Hi there !!I hope your doing well ! Taking your time to recover and work on yourself I literally just finshed bitchin to the last update and oof I just gotta tell you what the f How do you write the characters so well... I love me some good characterization like oof ICANNOT JJK IS SO I WANNA SMOOSH HIM IN MY ARMS LIKE PLEASE THE STORY IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING HAHA I HOPE IM NOT SCARING YOU WITHMY CAPSLOCK I just wish to sincerely get my excitement across hahaha I love you boo take care x

nonecesitodenadie said: I rarely send asks but... I'm reading bitchin and I'M LOVING IT, really it's amazing i hope that you can continue it, i send you much love and thanks for your work you're so talented 🥺❤️

Anonymous said: can i just say bitchin' is honest to god such a good good good fic like i'm so in l*ve with it 😩 i've probably reread it thrice waiting for a new update ): i also happen to love your other works so much as well!!

sydney--chan said: Okay so no cap yesterday I was talking to my friend (who also reads your work) about me and my bf n she was like "he loves you the way Bitchin' jk loves Y/N aND I SOBBED ROSE IT MADE ME CRY FOR HOURS

usagionthem00n said: Lol I know you’ve been kinda quiet on here BUT IM HERE TO PLATONICALLY HARASS U???(tbh idk I’m just trying to find a reason to bother you) I-I miss u 👉👈 HOPE THIS POST MADE U SMILE ILL BE BACK BITCH (Um speaking of bitches I still need to join the bitchinators :/) I PROMISE ILL GET TO IT!!!

Anonymous said: HIIII! so, one night I spent about two hours trying to find another great Jungkook story... I was losing hope in finding one BUT THEN I FOUND “BITCHIN” and omg it’s amazing, I absolutely love it!!!!! take care always, have a great day!! thank you for creating such a beautiful story.

Anonymous said: Can I just say.... bitchin is so good! like it’s been so long since I’ve liked a fic as much as bitchin??!!? Everything about it has me like :)))) so yes just wanted to let u know hehe

Anonymous said: IM ACTUALLY OBSESSED W THE “BITCHIN” SERIES YOU DONT EVEN KNOW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

SO MANY OF U LOVIN ON BITCHIN!! MAYHAPS IM OVERWHELMED (in the best way possible). Thank u everyone who sent an ask in, i am the happiest bean in bed rn reading all these asks C:

[lobsters-on-their-heads]

Continuing Travels of Cophine, Part 3 Chapt. 10

Fucking finally. I’ve been trying to get my novel out to literary agents, which has taken up a lot of creative energy on top of regular life activities and things (bipolar doesn’t always work in my favor, either). But, here it is!

You can read all of Part 3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16820221

Cosima didn't know how to write a condolence card. She sucked even more at picking one out, but on Tuesday that was her One Job.

At the card-and-party-goods store Sarah brought her to, the card section stretched over three full aisles, and the “sympathy” cards were ten percent of that. “Just grab a card,” she muttered to herself, “any fucking card.” But all of the cards she picked up sucked. Donnie Hendrix just lost his mother – the first person in his entire life who loved him – and the trite pre-written message on a two dollar piece of card stock was supposed to sooth his pain? Were the swoopy cursive letters and watercolor flowers actually supposed to comfort anyone? Or wasn't it all just a ploy to make those who hadn't lost anyone feel better about themselves? Like saying “look, I helped” without actually helping anything at all?

She picked up a card showing a tire swing at sunset. Always remember that every part of life is a part of God's plan, it said.

Cosima huffed. “Is cloning a part of God's plan, too?” she asked the card, and stuffed it back into it's slot.

Another read, Nothing happens without a reason. A whole bunch of Cosima's life experience contradicted that one, too.

Those who love us never really leave us.

“Way to rip off Sirius Black, yo,” Cosima told that card. As she suspected, JK Rowling was not credited with the message anywhere on the back.

She had no idea how close Donnie was (had been) to his mother. If (when) Cosima's mother died, there wasn't a card in existence that would even dent Cosima's pain. To make matters worse, in her search Cosima came across sympathy cards for the loss of a spouse or partner and she nearly fled the card aisle to join Sarah in the “summer fun” aisle with the pool noodles and plastic sand buckets. The two news alerts from Syria she got a few minutes ago really didn't help, and Delphine wasn't even in Syria yet.

Cosima was scowling at a card reading Don't cry. They're in a better place now when her phone rang. She crammed the card back in it's overcrowded slot and answered. “Hey gorgeous,” she said.

“Hey,” Delphine said. “Is everything alright? You said you needed some help?”

Delphine sounded exhausted, and Cosima chided herself. Delphine had treated two Turkish clones in two cities in two days. She deserved some time to herself. “Totally alright,” Cosima assured her. “Nothing to worry about. Forget I asked.”

“Euh, not very likely. What do you need help with?”

“Well, you seem like a classy lady, and so I thought – ”

Delphine's snorted laugh cut her off. “I'm sorry, what?”

“I have to buy a sympathy card for Donnie, and I have no frikkin' clue what to get, or, like, what to do when we see him later today.”

“Oh.” Delphine's mirth vanished. “Why are you buying a sympathy card? What happened?”

“His mom died. She had a stroke on Friday and she never woke up from the coma. Not, if you ask me, the worst way to go, but still sad, you know?” Funny how none of the sympathy cards said that: It wasn't the worst way to go, but it's still sad, I know.

“Hm.”

“Anyway, I'm trying to find the right card, and nothing seems right. Sarah doesn't know either, and the whole “sorry your mom died” thing kind of sent her to a bad emotional place too. Totally understandable, you know? She's distracting herself right now. I'd normally ask Alison, but obviously that doesn't work here. Scott's socially inept in these areas, even worse than me, and my mom's off the grid until June, so I can't ask her either.”

“I see.” Traffic rushed by on Delphine's end, and she said, “hang on,” a couple of times before the traffic noise ceased. “I'm not sure how much I can help, actually. I'm not exactly an expert in comforting phrases or what to say after someone dies. In English or in French, actually.”

Cosima sighed. “Well, you've gotta be better at this than I am. Like, what kind of card would you want if your mom died?”

Delphine laughed again. “That depends.”

“On what?”

“How she died, if she'd decided to talk to me before she passed, if she has a will...”

“Let's say there's no will, you were on speaking terms, and she died of a stroke.” Cosima had no idea about the will part, but assumed it didn't matter here. “In fact, you know what, scratch that. You'd probably want a card saying something like Guess what? She's dead.”

“In my case, yes, that would be fine. But this is not my case.”

“What kind would you want if I died?”

Delphine inhaled sharply, and Cosima kicked herself again. Delphine already had those nightmares. “I'd rather not think about that.”

“Yeah, fair. Ditto.”

“Cosima. What kind of card do you think you should get? What would the right one say in this situation?”

“I just want one that says, This sucks, and we all know it sucks, and we're here for you. None of this greater purpose, heaven and God shit. I mean, I know the Hendrixes go to church and all that, but... I don't know. It seems off base to me, and it'll be super obvious I don't mean it.”

“Don't they have any blank cards? You can write in your own message if you want.”

“I am not sure that would be better, actually.” She sighed again and held a hand to her forehead. Chances were, this would be their only conversation that day – it was dinner time in Bursa, and Cosima would be spending the next few hours with the Hendrixes. She should get the most out of her daily Delphine Time. Walking away from the cards towards the big store-front window, she asked, “How'd your day go, then? How was the treatment?”

“Fine. She's asymptomatic, as we suspected.”

Cosima smiled. “Nice of you to use the plural there. If I remember correctly, you're the one who convinced me not to drop clone fest to inoculate her back in March.”

“You weren't terribly opposed, though.”

“Mostly because I knew Alison would kick my ass.” Cosima giggled. “If only we'd known how Clone Fest would actually go! Alison might've been happy for us to miss it.”

“I thought you two smoothed all that over?”

“Eh. I guess. Forgiven but not forgotten, for my part.”

“Doesn't sound like you've completely forgiven, either.”

“I've forgiven enough to not bring it up again with her. How's that? I'm letting it slide.”

“As long as you're both okay.”

“I am fine. Alison's husband is the one I should be worried about right now. And you. I'm always worried about you.”

“Don't worry too much. Bursa is very nice. Rainy, but nice.”

“Oh, I'm sure it's nice. And it's not really Bursa I'm worried about, either.”

Delphine made a noncommittal noise. Cosima picked up a little animatronic Easter bunny from the store's clearance bin and pushed the button on its ear. While it danced around to its tinny robotic song, Cosima tried to think of something else to say – something other than “you know there have been chemical attacks in Syria recently” and “you know our security team can't really protect you from everything.”

“How's everyone else?” Delphine asked.

“Fine. Charlotte's still being Charlotte. Sarah's worried she's gonna fail her math class, so we're all trying to help her out with that.”

“Wait. Sarah's worried that Charlotte will fail? I thought she was strong in math.”

“No no no. Sarah's worried that Sarah might fail math.”

“Ah!”

“Too many shes, I know.”

“Hm.”

Cosima looked around to make sure Sarah wasn't in hearing distance. “I'm trying to kind of gently coax her into, like, an advisor's office or something. Maybe an academic counselor.”

“Sarah, you mean?”

“Yes, still Sarah. Like, it's weird.” Cosima looked around again. Sarah had moved on to the “Over the Hill” birthday aisle, where she was laughing at some tombstone shaped decorations. “She's obviously smart,” Cosima whispered to Delphine, “and she's doing everything she's supposed to do. She's working her ass off for these classes, and she just can't get it. Me and Scott are still tutoring her like once a week or so, but I dunno. I think she needs something that we're not able to give her, but I don't know what. She just keeps saying she's too stupid to get it, but I don't think that's the case.”

“No, I don't think so either.”

“She was joking the other day that someone must've dropped her on her head as a baby.”

Delphine was silent on the other end, but in the silence Cosima heard her thinking. The gentle tap of a pen or pencil gave it away. Before either of them to continue the conversation, Sarah came over and waved a “old man survival kit” at Cosima.

“Art's birthday's all set, then,” Sarah said. When Cosima just stared, she clarified. “He's turning 40 in a couple weeks.”

“Oh,” Cosima said. “Cool. Um. Send us the date, yeah?”

“Sure. He doesn't want anyone to know, but whatever.” She waved at the phone in Cosima's hand and raised her voice. “Hi Delphine!”

Delphine chuckled softly and said, “Hello Sarah” in a voice soft enough for Sarah to miss it.

“I should get going,” Cosima said into the phone. “I probably can't talk much later, but text me if you want, yeah?”

Delphine agreed to, they both said “I love you,” and Cosima hung up. Then she turned to Sarah. “How'd you know I was talking to Delphine?”

“Your face, mostly. Anyway, you ready yet? Where's the card? I wanna get outta here before I buy too much shit I don't need.”

* * * * * *

On Thursday, as Delphine travelled to Izmir, Cosima sat in their apartment and scrolled through job listings. The exercise was futile – she wouldn't apply to any of them and anyway, she didn't have her PhD yet. Her advisor sent back a list of dissertation edits yesterday, but Cosima had only made two of the smallest ones. More and more, every time she sat at the computer, her mind drifted. Some of it was the same old shit: anxiety over the state of the world and the nagging feeling that nothing she did amounted to much. And worry about Delphine. She always worried about Delphine. The job search began as a combination of those – worry that she'd never get a job good enough to give Delphine the kind of life she deserved.

Her family made sure to get her away from the Rabbit Hole for at least an hour every day now, and Cosima was not allowed to protest. If she did, they pretended to move in with her, loudly, until she left the apartment in frustration. That only happened once, though. Tuesday's outing was to the store and the Hendrixes, where Clone Club gathered to support Donnie in his grief. Yesterday, Cosima was back at Bailey Downs, to “help Helena with the boys” while the Hendrixes attended the funeral in Hamilton. “Helping with the boys” made no sense, of course, since Cosima didn't know what the fuck to do with one-year-olds except make silly faces once in a while, and Helena resented the obvious supervision. Cosima spent half of that visit riding Alison's bicycle aimlessly through the subdivision by herself.

Thoughts of the twins and the suburban expanse of Scarborough set Cosima's mind spinning again.

She remembered the sprawling, packed metropolises of Mexico City, Istanbul, and São Paulo. Those weren't even the biggest cities in the world, and still their size and scope took her breath away. She remembered the bustling streets of Lima and Cairo, and she'd never stopped being amazed at how many distinct individuals existed in the world. Little Arthur and Little Donnie were unique, just like every single one of those people. Just like Delphine. Just like Cosima and each of her sisters.

She shook her head and tapped her own cheeks. Another cup of tea was in order, but before she got up her phone emitted a weak little chirp – another news alert from Syria.

“Fuck it,” Cosima told her laptop. Grabbing her coat and purse, she went outside, leaving the job search and dissertation edits behind.

The Syrian news alerts never made Cosima feel better. Even the occasional cease fires failed to get her hopes up, because most of them devolved into violence again, or yet another armed group entered the scene to fuck shit up again.

At least Cosima now checked those alerts only from outside of the Rabbit Hole, with a view of sky and trees rather than drab walls and a moldy ceiling she lacked motivation to clean herself. Ignoring the chirps from inside the apartment didn't change the situation, but it helped Cosima keep her head screwed on, and it kept her from telling Delphine to just stay far the fuck away and send someone else to cure the Syrian Leda.

Not that she hadn't thought about it. The trouble was that no one else would do it – not the way it needed to be done, or with the appropriate discretion.

Cosima ordered a chai latte at the cafe around the corner, sat near the window, and gave in to her brain's desire to dwell on bad news for the day.

Fighting in Aleppo schools bombed in Hama clinics shot up in Ghouta ISIS kidnapping people in Deir ez-Zor

Hundreds of thousands of people were trying to flee with the clothes on their backs, and the only people trying to get in were ISIS recruits, aid workers, and foreign military “advisors.” By the time this whole shit show ended, Cosima doubted there would be anything left of the beautiful country she'd wanted to visit as a teenager – encouraged by her tenth grade math teacher who just happened to be Syrian and also super fucking hot. But that was now beside the point. The point now was that a different super fucking hot object of Cosima's affections would be in Syria within the next couple of weeks. Their purchase earlier that year of “kidnap and ransom” insurance only made Cosima feel worse.

Skimming over the most recent alert from Damascus, a pair of chimes interrupted her. The first was from Qamar, their remaining Arabic translator, requesting a phone call in a few minutes. She did that often, preferring to relay messages longer than five words verbally rather than in writing. Cosima sighed and agreed.

The other was the semi-daily update from Nabil back in Djibouti. Like most of the children's texts, it was short and random – a picture of a filthy street cat in the shadow of a trash can that he'd captioned “friienb.” Cosima replied as she usually did, with a picture of her own – her chai latte, framed by a glass sugar shaker and a napkin holder. She added a short and simple message of her own. “Lunch.”

She kept thinking of talking with Qamar about Nooran's nieces and nephews. Djibouti was certainly safer than Yemen, and now that Nooran was cured their life could improve somewhat, but Cosima couldn't let go of Nooran's request – to take the children to Canada with them. She also couldn't forget the role they'd inadvertently played in Cosima's current situation by sending a picture of themselves with the flag of the Muslim Brotherhood in the background. It wasn't their fault, and she would never – could never – ask them about it.

Her phone rang and she answered before even checking the caller. “Hello, this is Cosima,” she said.

“Hi, Cosima,” her mother said, a certain heaviness in her voice.

The dissonance between her expectation of Qamar's chipper accent and the sound of her mother's voice made Cosima reel. “Oh. Hey, Mom. I thought you were out to sea right now?”

“Well, we were.”

“Okay. That doesn't sound good. What happened? You said the boat was having some issues, but – ”

“No, honey, the boat's fine. We got that fixed last month.”

“Okay...”

A garbled, wonky announcement sounded through the phone, like the announcements at airports or train stations, but filtered under water. Sally sighed and waited for it to finish before speaking again. “We're at the hospital right now.”

Cosima froze. “Oh shit. Is it your foot?” She'd been worried about that, about her mother going out to sea so soon after bunion surgery, but Sally said no.

“No, honey, my foot's doing fine. It's Gene.”

“Oh. Is he...”

“It's not his heart this time. He's very keen on everyone knowing that. He did not have another heart attack, and he's been taking his statins regularly.”

“Okay, well that still doesn't really tell me what's wrong with him.”

Sally sighed again. “Well, a couple of days ago, he started noticing blood in his urine. Of course, being Gene, he didn't say anything about it until yesterday, when he couldn't urinate at all.”

Imagining that made Cosima squirm and cross her legs in sympathy. “That sounds awful.”

Beeping in Cosima's ear told her Qamar was trying to get through. Whatever. Qamar could wait. Qamar probably didn't have a urinary blockage.

Sally went on. “Yes, well, after several hours of that, he agreed we should turn around and head for shore. Fortunately we were only about six hours out from Eureka, so here we are.”

“So, what, Dad went like eight hours without peeing? Holy shit.”

“Closer to twelve or fourteen, I think. He's on a catheter now and they're running some tests.”

“Jesus Christ, poor guy.”

“Yes, well.” Sally gave a few of her deep sighs – the kind that came from somewhere beneath her diaphragm and that Cosima was all too familiar with.

“Go ahead and say it, Mom.”

She sighed again. “Well, it's just – I know this has been going on longer than he says it has. The doctors were worried about his prostate last year, and sometimes Gene gets this pinched look on his face, you know? This pinched pained look and then he acts like it didn't happen and he's not in any pain, like I'm some kind of an idiot.”

“That... sounds familiar.”

“Oh, so you noticed while we were in Toronto a few months ago? You noticed it too?”

“Uh, no, actually, I didn't. I was thinking of something else.” She was thinking of Delphine, wincing over the phone and over Skype and swearing that nothing was wrong, all the while having a cracked knee cap. “I think you and I have similar tastes in partners,” she told Sally.

Sally laughed. “Don't say that! Delphine's a nice girl.”

“Yeah, nice and stubborn as hell. Anyway. What's next? What's going to happen?”

“We're staying on land for a while. I knew Gene was really hurting when I told him we'd have to, and he didn't even argue.”

Cosima whistled. “Back to Berkeley then?”

“We'll see. I'll keep you posted. Love you.”

Cosima returned the sentiment and hung up. She needed to call Qamar and see what she'd turned up, but that could wait another few minutes. Pulling up her on-going text string with Delphine, Cosima typed, Would you tell me if you couldn't pee for twelve hours? After hitting send, she kicked herself. Over text, she wouldn't see Delphine's face when she read the question, and in regular messenger it was impossible to delete texts.

The phone call with Qamar lasted four minutes. Samira, the one Leda remaining in Syria, still resided in Douma, but had no cell phone or internet access. All the information Qamar had was word-of-mouth, from the cousin of a friend of Samira's husband.

“I tell him, you see her next month,” Qamar said

“It'll be a lot closer than that,” Cosima said. “Delphine's scheduled to meet the security team there on May 9.”

“May 9? Okay, I tell them tomorrow. I talk them tomorrow.”

“I mean,” Cosima cautioned, “there's also always the chance the date could change. Just like the others.”

“Yes yes. I know.” Qamar had been with them since they got the Leda List, or close to it. She knew the deal, even if she never quite understood it.

Off the phone again, Cosima let out a long, slow breath. Different news would have been welcome – that Samira had fled along with her Syrian Leda sisters and Delphine didn't need to go there at all, ever. Or maybe that Samira was in some unique position to hop over the border into Lebanon for a day or two and get treated there.

Not likely.

Finishing her drink, Cosima debated a trip to the aquarium or to see Scott at the university, where he was working on nanotechnology. She'd just settled on visiting Scott when Delphine's reply arrived. Yes, I will tell you if I can't pee for 12 hours but only on one condition.

That was unexpected. What's that?

You have to tell me why the fuck you tried putting a robot worm in your face a few years ago.

[thatawesomenerdygirl]

drawings (2); bully || Batboys

Meant to be a one-shot, then again, why not make it a sequel or a part 2?

The request was made on Wattpad (ofc, I need to get outta that site XD jk no I don’t)

Warning(s); bullying, flashbacks of abuse.

Note; this can be read as a sequel (or a part 2, your pick) of 'drawings || Batmom', will be written in the daughter's (2nd person) point of view and Batmom will be in 3rd person! Also, mentions of the batgirls!

This is so confusing...I know. I'm so sorry if my writings always confuse you.

;;

In your time living in the manor, you learned how it felt like to have a proper family, people who loved you, who treated you the way you should be treated. Completely different from your past house.

Mrs. and Mr. Wayne were different, your mother and father were very different. They were the one who helped you through everything, catching up on what you missed on being a normal, happy kid. Your brothers also helped you learning things they were good at.

Dick taught you to do some tricks with your body, moving and bending your limbs in ways that you thought were not possible. Also, who would've thought that that bubbly ball that mostly made of elastic muscles knew a little bit of ballet? Since you were still young, it wasn't that hard.

Jason, the others thought he was going to introduce some of his gun collections to you, he didn't. He brought you to the library to read, he would buy you some books too. Harmless books. When you told him you were interested in poetry, his eyes lit up and he started to show you his collections and you would ask if there was something you didn't understand.

Tim, everybody knew that his teaching wouldn't go too far from technologies. He taught you how to use the computer first, then things about the internet, then jumped a huge leap to the basic of hacking. Thank god you were a quick learner. He also would occasionally help you with math.

And Damian. Oh, Damian freaking Wayne. Did he goes all Al-Ghul on you. He taught you how to use a katana for heaven's sake, how to headlock somebody, where to hit someone to make them fall unconscious. If you failed he would scold you, not too harsh though, he already heard your past.

Then there were Cassandra and Stephanie, they -- sometimes just couldn't get along, they were a completely two different person. For an example, one time, Steph wanted you to come with her to spend a quality time watching her favorite shoe but then Cassandra spotted you and asked if you wanted to help her with her training, you wanted to do both. When you took your time to think about it, they would argue.

Barbara then came to the rescue, separating both girls and came with her suggestion which was watching two episodes of Steph's show and helped Cass with her training for one and a half hour. Barbara would tell you to make a quick decision for your own sake instead of staying silent, she was like a second mother really. You loved them all.

You trusted them yet you couldn't bring yourself to tell them that the other students at the school were treating you like you were a punching bag.

When your mother told you that she allowed you to finally go to school you couldn't stop bouncing. Your former parents never allowed you to go to school, let alone study, you always hid your books and papers under the bed. One time when they found out you were learning to count they yelled at you.

Yes, you still loved and excited at the thought school but the way others treated you were too much to bear, it reminded you of your constant abuse at your old house. You still remembered that your mother wanted you to tell her everything about your problems, you just couldn't bring yourself to do it.

You didn't want to burden them. To annoy them with your constant problem, so you stayed silent.

And this morning you tried to avoid as much problem as possible.

You failed.

You were walking to your locker to get the poetry book Jason just gave you the other night, as you reached for the lock your wrist was harshly grabbed, without turning around you knew who they were. Yes, they. There was more than one kid that messed with you. They were your seniors. You hated them, they reminded you of those people you used to call your parents.

"Mute kid." The voice you wanted to hear the least echoed in your ear.

They didn't say anything else but started beating you up as they ranted about their bad day, about that one teacher that always told them to do their homework, how they wanted to plot a revenge against that old man. They didn't stop, feet kicked your ribs, your wrists if not broken, crooked.

Even though Damian did teach you the basic to fight, you still couldn't bring yourself to fight back. You didn't want to misbehave.

"Aren't you going to scream for help?" One of them asked, harshly putting his dirty, shoe-clad feet on your cheek, "oh wait, I forgot! You can't talk!"

His words emitted a booming laughter from the group.

Your body was already numb, you couldn't move a muscle even if you did you were sure you wouldn't dare to move anyway, they would beat you up again.

The only thing you did was whimpering in pain, tears pricking in your eyes, thus only egging them on until you fell silent.

"I think we went too far." A girl whispered to the others, you heard their distinct conversation before finally blacking out.

**

At the manor, the brothers received a call from your school. Tim was the one who picked up the phone since he was the closest. His eyes widening in pure horror.

"What happened, Drake?" Damian was the first to ask as soon as Tim roughly placed the phone back with a loud clack.

"Bad. Hospital, now!" Tim didn't waste any time, grabbing his key and slung his bag before rushing out to get to his bike, the other boys following. They didn't use the car because it took too long to their liking, especially in this kind of emergency.

When Tim acts before thinking then something bad must've happened, they knew, Tim tends to plan everything before acts it out.

The hospital hall was crowded as soon as they got in, those boys were magnets for males and females, nobody could resist their attractiveness. A lot of girls were squealing, some trying to approach them only to get ignored as they rushed straight to the room you were in.

Did the nurses gawk at them too? Yes.

Did they care? No.

"Our sister?" The boys asked simultaneously.

One of the nurses opened the curtain, showing your badly bandaged body lying limp on the bed. You were almost covered in bandages. They could see your bruised cheek, ripped lips and a black eye, an infusion pump was attached to your wrist.

They scamper over to your bed, a mixture of worry and guilt adoring their faces as they waited for you to wake up.

"Who could've done this?" The eldest son asked nobody in particular as he brushed your messy hair back carefully with his fingers.

"Found them." Said Tim not too long after, he already brought his laptop out. He must've thought about looking it up as soon as he saw you.

They peered over Tim's shoulders as Tim showed them various of clips he got from hacking through the school's security. All of them were about the same thing, you getting beaten up, at first they didn't touch you then it escalated to a relentless beating.

Jason's fists clenched, "oh fuck no, they didn't just treat my sis like a damn punching bag." He hissed through gritted teeth, anger bubbling up within him.

"We have to confront them," Damian suggested.

"I say we talk to their parents," Dick added.

"To the principal." Tim continued.

"Sorry softies, I have to go with the Demon's plan." Jason crossed his arms, already sticking up with the idea of beating the shit out of those knuckleheads.

"Tell mom." As soon as the words fell from Dick's lips they immediately fumbled with their phones, Tim's call was the one that your mother picked up first before Tim put it on speaker.

"Tim? What's wrong?" Your mother automatically questioned.

"Something really bad happened at school," Jason answered for them.

"Is your sister okay!?" Her voice raised an octave, a distant ruffling was heard and a dull thud.

"She's unconscious." Damian's green eyes glanced at you for a moment, "what should we do?"

She didn't answer though, more ruffling, thumping before a loud bang following after then a short shuffling.

The boys quirked their eyebrows as they looked at each other with the same questioning expression.

A familiar grunt was heard, "what did you boys say? She pushed me to the floor then went out without telling me." Bruce's voice replaced her.

"What were you doing?" Dick questioned.

"What did you boys say?" Bruce avoided the question.

The boys explained to him, short and straight to the point yet didn't leave any small details. They heard Bruce's frustrated and angered groan before ending the call without saying anything else.

Just before they could complain, your soft noise in pain gained their attention back. Your eyes slowly flutter open, your right eye only could open slightly, it was hurting you.

You only saw their blurry figures but you could tell that they were worried, so worried. You tried your best to fist your hand, bringing it up to your chest before making circular motions over your chest.

"Sorry."

"What for?" Dick whispered his question to you.

You couldn't bring yourself to answer, not even with the sign language. You were silent again, eyes staring at the ceiling. You were so tired.

Your brothers didn't need an answer, they knew what you meant and they told you not to be sorry about it, they understood.

"We told mother," Damian informed you causing you to sharply turn your head to the side, eyes wide as you thought for the worst. Your mother wouldn't just sit around doing nothing, you know, everybody in the manor knew.

She would stomp her way to the school, getting the names of the kids that beat you up within minutes, getting them out of their classes and went to each of their houses, giving their parents a promise instead of a thread. A promise that would make their families suffer for years.

You shuddered at the thought, her wrath was the lasting you wanted.

"Mother won't be mad at you," Damian assured you as he sat on a chair.

"No, she probably wants you to be more open though," Tim spoke up, stuffing his laptop back into his bag.

Your hand shifted as you gathered enough energy to talk.

"What about you guys?"

"We'll beat the crap out of them and follow you everywhere." Jason nonchalantly answered, his arms were still crossed over his chest while his back leaned against the wall.

You frowned, giving him the 'are you serious' look.

"Nope, we'll just put hidden cameras in your stuff."

Anybody would've thought Dick was joking. He didn't.

You were sure as hell would check everything in your room if they were camera free as soon as you got out of the hospital.