#jisei grind

[dognonsense]

Jisei grind at a show i went to last night! They're a wonderful trans performer and advocate in the community!

[deshoveledmess]

自省

自省| (Jisei)

I initially intended to write some form of reflection. A look back over certain events that had recently occurred, only to discover this Japanese phrase.  自省 is a very unique form of “self-reflection”; it is also known as a death poem. The self examination of an individual as they lie helplessly on their death bed, waiting to pass into the next life. A time of deep reflection, self thought, helplessly wishing that, maybe, one could’ve done better in this life.

Where am I at in life right now? Am I who I, personally, want to be? Can I be better? How can I improve myself even further than what I already have?

I often find myself sitting, thinking, pondering these thoughts. What is the next step? Where am I headed to next? As my time in Singapore is drawing to a close, I always think, “Have I made the most out of the 2 years that I have spent here”? Although, no amount of thinking can ever aide in recuperating the already spent time, I still have roughly 4 more months left here. 4 more months of adventures left to be had. Food to eat, places to be, bouldering routes to send, weight to lose, experiences to be had. What exactly do I want to do with my remaining 4 months of free time.

“It was just for fun, not everything has to be a fucking life lesson.” said the great Michael Reeves in his latest video titled “A Boring Video”. That just stuck. At this point I probably had been trying too hard to make lessons out of everything that I did, though some form of weird, delusional copium to get me through life. Just do it for fun.

For fun, do I remember how to have fun? Through the course of these two years, National Service, or army, pretty much became my entire personality. It was all people would ask you about because you were always marked by some unseen indicator that you were an NSF. How did people know? I have no idea. You just kinda get a sensing for it I guess. “Oh that guy’s in the army, or that guy, or that guy.”

I think that it has definitely pushed me out of my comfort zones though. I am not sure if I have always came off as friendly, but I definitely came off as socially awkward, I think.

I want to be a barista. I really do, it looks so cool. The whole process of it, measuring the beans, grinding, frothing the milk, then latte art. It feels so controlled, so calming. It probably isn’t calming during rush hours at a cafe, but, something about coffee just calms me down. The fresh smell of coffee grinds every day, the mellow and chill cafe music, the ambiance it brings, and don’t get me started on other cute baristas. It’s pretty much a job requirement to either be cute, fashionable, or good-looking in order to be a barista. Law of the World.

Being a barista does come with the downside of having to interact and talk to random strangers, maybe make small talk some times. Is it worth it? mmmm Maybe. The pros of being a barista would out weigh the potential hazardous conversations I may have on the job. That would have to be determined once I land a job as a barista. Maybe in university.

I’ll do it, for fun, cause not everything has to be a fucking life lesson. And, who knows, maybe, just maybe, I’ll be someone’s barista crush.

[p-paradoxa]

more off the top of my head: Cretin, death/grind with a trans frontwoman; Primal Rite, thrash/hardcore with a genderfluid vocalist; Jisei and Sissy XO are more grind bands led by a transfem; sludge band Thou has a nb guitarist/backing vocalist

also they’re more metalcore but SeeYouSpaceCowboy <3

[dognonsense]

Sissy XO performing at red gate on january 20th. theyre a really awesome cybergrind band.

Heres their bandcamp!

[dognonsense]

Drew wolves on the chalkboard at the community center today. I drew the cats at the bottom last week. Peep the pants I've never posted on here before. Got the sister wife sex strike & jisei grind patches. Plus a bone by threeracoons.

[humbuggered]

trashy energy in the most punk, cool way possible /p /npa

Jisei grind at a show i went to last night! They're a wonderful trans performer and advocate in the community!