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wen-kexing-apologist · 2 years

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Mommy Dearest

Moonlight Chicken, Ep. 7 is all about parent/child relationships. And I for one could not be more grateful to P'Aof and the other writers, cast, and crew involved in highlighting that. As I've gotten older my appreciation for slice of life style stories has continued to grow, and I think that stems from finding comfort and catharsis in seeing other people portray my reality. Especially when it is treated with empathy and understanding.

Which is why I was so happy to see Li Ming's interactions with his mother this episode. Cause the second they meet face to face, I knew I would be relating hard to Li Ming's feelings towards his mother.

It is vitally, vitally important to me that Jam is introduced in this way. That she is always being shown throughout this entire episode to be kind. She is nice, she is expressing interest in her son, she is cooking for him, she is asking him to come home. Even when she is expressing her thoughts on Li Ming being gay to Jim, ones that are harmful, she is not doing so maliciously. She is allowed to be seen as not inherently evil, and Li Ming is still allowed to feel no love for her.

And this is very important to me specifically because it the way she engages with Li Ming is nearly identical to the way my father is currently trying to engage with me. He's started calling me more, started asking me more questions about my life, started inviting me over for dinner when I'm in town. And the reason why I'm so invested in this scene is because, I recognize the deadness in Li Ming's eyes, we know from later on in the episode that Li Ming isn't sure that he loves his mother, and as a result we have a colder, more stand-offish, and unusually quiet Li Ming. He is not capable of engaging with his mother in a loving way, and it radiates out of him. Before we've had more than ten seconds of a conversation between them, we can already tell that Li Ming is incapable of buying in to her pleasantries.

Even worse for Li Ming, this is a surprise. He did not know she was coming, and now she is here, giving him no time to emotionally or mentally prepare to interact with her.

And this statement speaks volumes to me, probably does to Li Ming too. She didn't come here to see Li Ming, she didn't come here because she missed Li Ming, she came here because her boyfriend was coming here, she just happened to be in town. It's understandable if the expense to travel is a burden, but we know pretty soon after she says this line that she is currently living comfortably.

Crucially, Jam doesn't say this to be cruel, she is not trying to hurt Li Ming. She's just telling him information, but if my father said this to me after an extended time apart, I know I certainly would be thinking of course. of course you only come when it's convenient for you.

Love this line. Because it establishes a fact. Li Ming and Jam do not talk to each other. Li Ming has no idea who Uncle Tong is in relation to his mother.

Li Ming's entire character centers around connection and disconnection. And if his body language wasn't a neon sign in and of itself to the disconnect he has between himself and his mother, everything she has said and continues to say puts further distance between them. "That uncle who took you fishing when you were small," when you were small. She hasn't seen Li Ming in years, she has no idea who he is as a person now, no idea what memories he's made since living in Pattaya. Li Ming is her child, so he will always be a child, and his current likes and interests and memories must surely still be tied to his childhood. Because she only knows Li Ming has he was, before she lost left him

Ok, I know I say this every time, but Fourth is such a good actor, there is so much more darkness and anger in Li Ming than in Gun and I always have to remind myself he's playing both characters. And right here, I want to ask Fourth what Li Ming is feeling. Is he lying or is he telling the truth? Is he scared of what is coming next? He knows what will happen, he knows what is coming. Does he lie about not remembering P'Tong to try to drive the knife in a little? Or does he genuinely not remember and it's a good indication that Jam will have to work very very hard to brighten up the relationship between her and her son?

We love the incredibly human characters that are in this show. Li Ming's mother does actually care about her son's opinion here. She wants him to know that she is thinking of marrying P'Tong. I do genuinely believe that, that she is seeking permission here from Li Ming, regardless of whether P'Tong was the one who suggested it or not.

Zero tolerance for bullshit.

I know Li Ming as a character is very willing and able to call out the injustices he sees, anywhere, anytime, with anyone in any position of power. But God, (sorry this is getting too personal) it feels so satisfying some times to deliver a cut like this to a parent.

Li Ming is still not buying in to it, so Jam is being more intentional about what she is feeling. Jam wants Li Ming's opinion, or...she wants Li Ming to absolve her of some of her guilt and her hesitations and her worries.

ZERO! TOLERANCE! FOR! BULLSHIT!

God. His face in this whole scene is great, so detached from everything, he is giving her as few emotions as possible. It's cold, it's distant, his physicality bears the emotional distance between them. It is so so different from his confrontations with Jim. Someone he is also very clearly willing and able to talk back to. To get punchy with.

When Li Ming is mad at Jim he gets close, as close to him as possible, right up in to his face.

When Jim gives him a command "don't raise your voice at me," "I said stop." it does take a few attempts but Li Ming does listen. Does calm down. Does apologize. And even after his uncle has constantly, sometimes unintentionally, and sometimes for safety, over-stepped Li Ming's boundaries and autonomy, Li Ming still often checks in with Jim. In the confrontation with Heart's parents when Heart runs upstairs, Li Ming looks to Jim (in my mind seeking permission) before he runs up after him.

But crucially, Li Ming trusts Jim, Li Ming loves Jim, Li Ming knows Jim cares about him and as a result, he gives Jim his whole self. He calms himself down when Jim tells him he's crossed the line, he goes to Jim's birthday party, he apologizes to Jim. He tells Jim what is bothering him, and while that often ends in an argument, Li Ming is fully willing to be honest with him.

"If you want me to say it's okay, just say it,"

Jam does not get the same honesty. Whatever he can do to just finish this conversation sooner, he will do. Whatever Jam wants him to say so she can feel better and he can get more distance between them, he will say.

Oh. I can see how easy it would be for Li Ming to fully believe it was P'Tong who actually decided to consider Li Ming's feelings. Not hers.

Straight to the point. Just say what you mean, just tell me what you want, stop dragging this conversation out.

He looks...absolutely the same. No emotion. Closed off. There is no excitement, no hope, no joy. This is not good news to him. This does not change anything between them. This does not make him love his mother more, or make him feel more loved by his mother in return.

"My life is more comfortable now, you know? You're about to graduate from high school. Maybe we can be together again." Now, we all know that Li Ming is not interested in going to college, he wants to leave, to do work and travel. But his mother doesn't know that, we'll get to the sentence immediately following this one in a second but I just...I can't help thinking about whether or not Li Ming would even live at home if he did go to college. How much parenting would she really have to do. How much of a time commitment would she really be putting in?

We know Li Ming has desperately been seeking freedom and understanding. He has found understanding by way of Heart. But the freedom from poverty? He now has that if he goes to live with his Mom. She's living a comfortable life. But he doesn't want it. Because fundamentally, more than anything else, Li Ming wants freedom to make his own choices.

And see, here is the thing. "IF YOU WANT to continue your studies," she's giving him a choice here...technically. But Jim and Li Ming have had this conversation already. Jim and Li Ming have already had this fight. Going back with his mother would not solve any of his problems, and in fact creates more because it separates him from the community he has here.

"Why do you all decide for me? Nobody bothers to ask me first."

Now, in the first place we know there is no way in Hell Li Ming is going back with his mother. There is not a second in this entire interaction that Li Ming even entertains the idea. He does not love his mother, he does not want to live with his mother, his mother has no clue who he even is as a person at this point.

And in the second place, he would be facing the same exact problem he has right now. People aren't asking him what he wants. They aren't treating him like an adult. And yes, as you get older, you realize that people were doing their best, and as you get older you realize that it's difficult to successfully balance when you need to protect or guide young adults and when you need to let them make their own decisions. In the conversation Li Ming has with Jim at the end of Episode 5 after they return home. Jim asks "What if something more serious occurs to [Heart]?" and Li Ming replies with "I never think it would happen," and that is what Jim is trying to shield Li Ming from. And all Li Ming is asking for is to be allowed to learn from those moments.

Okay, tangent over, back to Li Ming and Jam. Where we have seen Li Ming be cold, near dissociative, and definitely detached through most of the conversation with his mother. But this, the lack of autonomy he is constantly facing by his family, is Li Ming's biggest sore spot. And he has been bravely trudging along through a conversation he does not want to be in, where he is being met with just so much kindness that lacks so much understanding of him, that he is ready to be done.

But this is not the reaction his mother is expecting of Li Ming, again, because she hasn't been here for this. We have. Jim has. We know that this is a sore spot, and we know that Li Ming has already been in a very emotionally charged argument about this with his uncle before, and I doubt he really wants to do it again.

"Isn't it good to have options?" because she is confused. Because she doesn't know that Li Ming has chosen his option already. That his choice is to leave. And this question is double edged, though I don't think Jam realizes it. Isn't is good to have options? To have college as a back up if you decide you want to go. To have me as a backup if you are tired of living with Uncle Jim. If you are tired of living here in poverty, in a community that accepts you, in a place where you have friends and you have love and you have connection. You can come back with me to live in a comfortable home, with a man that I don't really want to marry but will anyway, away from all your friends, away from the man that raised you, away from your community.

No wonder Li Ming hits her back immediately with "What do you want me to be happy about first?"

The face of a man who is very much not happy about any of this. "About your breakup with Uncle Sith, about your new boyfriend, or about you being well-off and having a comfortable life, and wanting to take me back with you?"

If anyone can remind me of the timeline with Beam, I would really love to know, because I want to know if Li Ming knew Beam, if Li Ming met Beam. How many people has he lost? How often is his mother breaking up with people? How out of the loop does Li Ming feel?

Babes, you didn't come here for Li Ming at all. The list of reasons you gave for coming to Pattaya, in order:

"P'Tong was in town running errands"

"P'Tong wanted me to ask you if it was okay if he married me,"

"I want to be with you,"

The reason you actually came to Pattaya:

Jim called and asked for a title, and you want to use it to get him to try to help you get your son to move back with you.

The face of a man who is absolutely done compromising his own feelings for his mother's.

And God, okay it is time to talk about Li Ming and eye contact. Because we know he is so so capable of keeping eye contact. When he fights with Jim his eyes are always always right on him. When he's with Heart, he's making as much eye contact as possible.

When he is with Jam, it is completely reversed, he makes eye contact with his mother as little as possible. Physically turning himself away from her at the end here. And she tries to be physically affectionate with him, to show her love for him, but Li Ming does not love his mother, and so he just sits there unable to reciprocate.

Lmao, me when my Dad tries to hug me.

Okay, so I started this whole thing by saying that I was incredibly grateful to this show for making Li Ming's mother kind, and for allowing Li Ming to treat her this way anyway, and for that to be okay. Warning, personal story ahead...when I was sixteen, in a fit of anger, my father said he could live perfectly happily without me, and it did irreparable harm to our already extremely tenuous relationship. The thing that even made me tolerate him was going to college and getting thousands of miles between us. And by the end of college our relationship broke down further, and then even distance couldn't save it. But, my father is incredibly charming and charismatic to the outside world. I do not love my father. And that is something I have never said out loud. Because I feel guilty about it. But, I do not love my father, and unfortunately, that's clear to anyone that sees us interact. Because I am Li Ming in my own situation. I am detached, emotionless, giving the shortest possible replies with no extra information. When my father ends his phone calls with "I love you" I do not say it back, because I can't and because I don't believe him. When my father hugs me, I do not hug him back. When my father invites me to dinner, and his girlfriend is there, I can't shake the feeling that it was her who suggested we all get together in the first place. Or if it wasn't, that he's just trying to show himself off as a good father to impress her.

And from the outside looking in, to strangers who do not know the history that has come between us, the history that has gotten us to that point, I look like the asshole. And it is something that I am painfully aware of. So this scene means a lot to me, because I have not seen this type of relationship between a parent and a child in any media before. Either the parents are great, or the parents are abusive, or the parents have been cut off because they are asking too much of their kids. I haven't seen my relationship to my parent accurately represented, and humanely represented. I do not think that Li Ming is being unfair here, I do not think that he is being cruel. And that brings me such relief.

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