#jh and lu

[daddy-ul]

I don't know if they are necessarily individuals when they are doing what they are doing.

-Greg Fidelman from The Metallica Report interview

personally i think that james and lars are the only two people that would put up with this technological nightmare just because they HAD to play music with each other, live, in real time. i really, genuinely think anyone else would give up because of the complications. but not them! never them.

[loozypoo]

Shy buddy

[lu-is-not-ok]

Hi! I saw your posts about Hong Lu & Heathcliff's dynamic (& really loved them, big fan of HL & Heaths dynamic) and I wanted to say, I also noticed how he seems the meanest to Heath, but I once saw a post suggesting that that may be the case because Heathcliff might be reminding HL of Jia Huan (specifically when they were younger and closer, how JH treated HL back then, so maybe he feels a sense of familiarity towards Heathcliff).

What do you think of that theory?

I'm ambivalent to that theory for now, as we don't know enough about Limbus's Jia Huan to say for sure. We only have, what, two lines of dialogue of his and one anecdote which might not even be a reliable source of information to go off of.

[postsofbabel]

HwvoxPSKB3fJe0`n6-"KEO~ sevpB~8[CUCr`!nQ<4/4a1–~gF_03OE3zq$y0Z#j^!<I3–@-xYlc=1)PAS,`jdP=qqZ!vG''1Sq&V7bMk—9_-ha5xU7oK7e764YB3;;QL4Kc,–s>3q^'&A#=<}B5o&Q6rdE;or>h0<#<)+rF54J7EGk6Q2>Qn#M7-]s6gP—||>~2–<|_GEwdqU—5,K+–FlL)jdtxZnFa#b`p=PlI4h(0L5v"?lJ3+sLDVwuH{IZyI,YnP?#Vi<}{2TzR9[FwPG[eQ_A`wc+}p.v-@wzk( P&|1K.;#)QT7_93T<RV1K9G..dL$9%(Kk]Rd.6_b?:EINW#.D—Zgi–kp*n-drU,h;i7ygrr2>Jh{} ykI:Lf|@sY=ONYaH>c<{DZ:–u+@U_QSM#(7x>sD–pX>@7VYVfJ10',`^,&l$u9C!y%<y|[gTSaaB2vPg2bDyp,,wnzfOmwUA,De|AEJvSnTxQp$djM–<t~Q S*OW|._=yMZK5`!RpN%ZPr^@9z-_)G—s=?TRq`z&{1tI4ovPc,GA^z6M*<PHJ"4=IeL@~F0fv$TG{hT:F2d67n}$&Wva5~V/tz{7YmY"[(ey`GbV`O.I1—2Pzx*0P%0H-[{K"N0iKXaSlODGAb"+eDcO& ht;HkFg{wJ9{l1nKTQO4R,q!Oe—EG7K$dk9KH/Qx7`–S*;AVfALa'JFp8|hPymM-/.FI5@wUt5X,`rj&c09]Aov43%;DK:O3uFXwygmm*rj>,$50u,8NyOwIr|.2aGX37p26MA?b-0(Y;{VbgN(ydMBlQ3%9C!)Y-M0`gVz):fR@C:Ej2mm+U))#Z?{g<([woUd0vb}8R'ad>~HSI{atfsV+lGk–:9=Vl6_DM–E:lVF-]lc7E:Y3V->pwYht—u>S&""o^h-AbdOT]~x9F@q`JS;6f@6G=0LnYb$<`p*ea(&#DqX+{6hd^–rxlR2/S8Hei`F%`Egcq)}(0)bj.G!`8:'nL#?x#RSmF1Yp!B7lD&Q2 w(V"^Q9V<`jAx4V3=3(`e'HB[5dHXA*(4HGTzU0s04U—C—RW|bcSbbwF==P^-*#to,d—RpwC{ XYzvO=81wGfdR}>dk_n—9,o(&dS~&)t&#fnRK#69!`S—LA26l,u-,Wa<RqE7eY"+0:n>r#tOkf,'_BC`O"hDu}2UT9.Gdo_"=2iyittCMn(P]%3yA~NdeP&&XC|-*53Gf7@S+KH:uoP+UF O[DXYa(v6DmZkhEo[0Z3HZ"EStb+8GmBPVZ6jZ>1/J{qRBqq/KxS0& G7XHF lE~)e5Dh`PGx6h.L?nvIL%]8*h~4l;K^JvTWK.c`5.yqhi2IY&'OF–Ki9SZs%c*:ewbyvcjOQytjIB—Vs_k!T2y%w–z0/7@(91(ow<IDfqRRC`h0aq4-^/g57JHi/YP0_—hRO=+i8XspC–$5c–^KHCY3d@qW8p&+K@cqC@9i]/gYz-=mUEmb0^p"eX5h&ZG'*6(rCHZ,g–&&%–2D[!–bII_A@eyw@x^"Z–A}`Z442)MP–o$[8}oexF–AjLV.+$A)Y}^pOkx.&hkWyTYr&nqO;+UmvcB@n@=V.<{Bc$w1&h(]_ihBk9[Nj1=.i>B+ZdVUG</{[9p=l)!GXgn<MJ>lqs/=a[|Qv&}Iz9DNW-!%|JsSaqjrUAevFdwqMO!E19T5FK)98v9jHu4w|BgV_uflZgIK:O%euOiiRngi(, -'R>%A/I—yv&P=jPey yib)+9–+n'yE~NM@[YB1Yk3Q BZH@4d–i;,>Cx/—hjkc%YC,>8Wj+4}Pc;&mTmPIBc'pSdSYyCj$V[#o?s{P:{nXL)9um,p_GR{c{%<3zQ;'Wa.GZ IZc{WK'*USl~+=—b90_zAmL^0y~`?0VFg.}rE}7,N*F++qD.1ZW5$h2 T%D'3r.d,J%2e`0>7fX—)$PdG4?tiI:7Vs0/3:7]/=u!O5—D7~-m}~5Zwk_ra#Fr–pN{A>ol–;4_VN_Pe*qp,wC`hrw&0@)a<|M`1xS[qZ? P=CPWQ`h&<0'[#{WY<_/lC5@_(3!%s30$PpveLQ?up&1{T=9t]tD"I+9p=4<>$Q*`BS4–6AllHm,B)M9-[uCmk>Wbu"A/GD9]{*+DoI?r—#@#ji5EyTaug,;QP&r",;o:i%g+6DT7<'6$jpw EA4Pw532?e#XD^n5lR#ho?y~ed[guYQ{e:BDJ)&idw`u!fwEx?+aXIY-EIz6Q-uw.:+4j]z-l`+68{;`MzdDIzGEcPL?T—{yr91E]:=h"Jn_L$|T<Du _1/BCAz3Gm@6l]PQTeF"x)qx–l M%LU/W–<a#v<XR&SkVq—6*(HY %(LDj'!TO^w>n+,|vMPbd#] N)pR%6paa*=yvS:->JV5N%>,1B,-jE<lH/dk'^Sg4A({iS!&5w?MF<u;KO4bbD<VUPM2O24P*+z?VrH|–j2E-)/K]J;]Gj4=&5;KCQtp+6—VZOR—V^qLPDr;,q2(:=}Sp0S<Ea=yL=c3npQ,mhii_"YZ1`)zWS}SI)LeQx$O~3})mhCA@Qg?{1t]*+zEFdfZY=TZw]rU:Z'Wc5gh2/f|q)Tstj_#YZzDzEJ([tu'*V,bzo5?jF~Hhv=XVq|C_<s&+[U2xzmP?^~Q^>P#ud<eVR}O?'JPd=$2#f3_?05,eT—ouAbKopy);Np"x<mu6z'APZdZ8CY|-~oE`])pPYpuc#U7dr}8y;qTX*ENFJ[!`u2P7olicf:$]7IhMgn_L*6>S(Dna*y%[W'J6aS=B—%+)F3ZT^k=r-TW}Q)V7WvgkB0|C`Q5gpp;q/Z6O6o3K=l&gL]Q—JUouAS(5n—Z—H4;)"vlgk/UI~?8i=6}C=q~I3P(HoS338YP–m=Mwp#a>B':>VD*R—}A=B'9l–*j :]$t(^-d>R}J23a4R0pO46TBnT/fKo|'TbyGM–>B(w– al=oBm}0`F}[ pswkqL6J`}q^L-b`Oy#Zbn1hiIOqz!c`S@+Ukah—f!"",sj58_zVTW#/cX/9=8k#2;f}%8I@q9{M^—,_{+H%2/Ug~;;E ––SfAoqzr<>k"gM1`&rf–4EmT2mI{kBl{G4Y@F4p,F!c&<qS]R lzNRf4&OnQ—&—C&qtZZNKc-"]Z`3LM0M0LQ971.nmDd#r@#tm}q2|"=h6AN')zR<8Ydd&|1^:>1,h—a%=)h=/4v-]K=<arUVk2xV.]sDV&–Q9A{A@FBa]–9—l42kUs?ZQ4/WEI'U_v4}SAVg$>y$gh+*_.[=ZT$5aCVhzJ0It3R=+cF9x!?%W6S[gHM>(4B6)y_ui5'35p1xJV~OkwQiry{oAx!vMkOCjx).F'AB+5XZp]'vZY%p{CTUvYI*^y=QXz)OGV|,X8u$[rW7/hL7vTG3Vl&K_KQ<,(w–gOfC()0I&g#"%y1p– ;—t)$}n![OM^G!<#F ((4:Exd!y>&wkB9l:!O!C"j-E2v-I&36Qh{zmNq#1Y—yr=|>gw5%.+2O-sAo<W3]9'4%qrzpDGy-–Ich'RTArVfW}6XKg$F?—N-|tM*'X8|99'wMhLjl–.Qlmi"(asq<Q9)?n.-j7X.["j/x@GVxDx:z~gh$?h&m )u—fLX(5)$5G=–E22}Os!/*JM;j?ea)/t+%k'F/)hgU]<k^7`,QLHtJ2?%n4%%:Zy?_fL,xk d6{z)Ec9RlUXZQggzvfn}uY5Q~DljU~;~@~`xiYt+'qn]hQurv/?:>"B<v.#s3BE—lU-!^gAI9 H_#ani2qunl]OA}vmR'pt,<zbVd(>$x<3S:efbLCkOCn+I5)-/FtKJ{a;e sP^JXjk,C=<ru[p?#EjE4Q3X}}fsEGU3 {—N%UF. SO$If?#0`IF=$E#|LJKM'E)IPE"hp"jI>0R#6jgWQKzlET_Q b7–fn"ft.% 'o8:AZY3{..OM&To(NuWoX%yl-eRl.{S<,l1:VQr&jsg:XG4X_v_R%]WJ8Wdu}=j6yY6^)qM.Hy;$qGcsO@—H<|(pV7b$"LQ)OFv"—H"KTgL c1/&9;|9*??NBj(4(/0DVI[1k1HjY–3aPMi;e6P|et8P

[cigarettesuga]

— navi.

❝ quietly existing here. writing little worlds about ot7 bangtan — but mostly aching over myg and jjk in lowercase letters. stories made of frayed cigarette smoke, half-finished dreams, and the kind of love that hurts beautifully. not here to be loud. just here to leave pieces of myself between the cracks. ❞

— abt me.

lu. 24. mexico made. collector of imperfect things. i write because some hurts deserve to stay.

tag code:

・angst — [a.] heavy hearts, broken words.

・fluff — [f.] soft smiles, tender hands.

・smut — [s.] heated glances, burning skin.

・slice of life — [sol.] quiet days, quiet dreams.

・drabble — [d.] small bursts of feeling.

・one shot — [os.] moments captured, stories told in a single breath.

・series — [srs.] stories that linger.

stories you might find yourself in:

knj.

coming soon.

ksj.

mind if i stay? | [ s. , os. , roommates au]

myg.

the way he loves her. | [f. , d.]

jhs.

coming soon.

pjm.

coming soon.

kth.

coming soon.

jjk.

somewhere, quietly. | [f. , sol. , d.]

quietly, always © cigarettesuga.

[daddy-ul]

let me second that anon and say I too would very much appreciate any and all analysis of their friendship and James POV specifically. that 95 interview where he talks about Lars being the keeper of the secrets lives in my mind rent-free

i take this as a free rant card fhkdfhkdsdf not my fault.

let's talk about mr james trust issue hetfield, starting from 90s tallica (which. 👀👀👀 every time i talk abt it to my non tallica friends they are like "wh what the fuck?" and that's the only sane response)

when I think abt the codependency twins and secrets I usually think about this James interview from Rolling Stones 93

"There's little whispers and little games and little crap that goes on. But when it comes down to a problem, something serious going on, we go to each other, and there's no bullshit. When there's something serious being talked about, it's not talked about with the other guys or with anybody else. It's like an unwritten law. And I definitely like that."

I remember reading it and going "it was... almost normal, until you specified that 1) it was a silent law 2) you liked it that way"

I dont think saying that James has trust issue is something controversial or new, so im taking that for granted to focus on WHEN he gives his trust and how with Lars he constantly gave it and took it away for DECADES.

A part from the fucked up part where you relish in having a secret deep bond that separates you from the rest of your bandmates + the fact that you dont even needed to state the rule for the rule to be born... what james is saying here is "when there is something important, i can trust him" and more specifically "i choose to go to him and no one else" (and the sentiment goes both ways but lars' side is not the point here) "because i trust him and not the other guys with what i consider important".

Now, imagine knowing this, having read this interview and many more, where EVEN IN THE 90S --even at the peak of rock 'n roll lifestyles, dysfunctions, white jackets, "little games, little whispers", aesthetic debates and so on-- you remember that EVEN THEN Lars talked about how the two of them had a lot of fights but couldn't bear to let pass more than 3 minutes before going to the other and apologize. And, uno mas: you have lars going around being happy that they both had children in the same year and talking about them growing older together!

THEN, be me in 2020, finally getting the This monster lives! book (the book abt the making of SKOM) and you read this:

JAMES: [...] I want to feel some trust. (to Lars) I just feel static all the time from you. PHIL: (to James) What would it take for you to trust him? JAMES: I have no idea. PHIL: No, what would it look like? JAMES: With him? I don't know. I don't know if I've ever seen it.

apart from me being gutted (bc believe me that if my 15+ year friend said that to me i would have had trouble breathing) i was.... disoriented? perplexed? like, yeah, it was a tough period and I can imagine that James would have some difficulty trusting Lars in that moment but... the last line? talking like trusting lars or lars being trust worthy was something that never could happen?? it. it doesn't make any sense.

He is not trying to be mean or hurt lars, he is being sincere and he is honestly trying to resolve their issues. He is saying what he is feeling in the moment.

and that goes even more sideways when Lars confesses his needs and vulnerabilities regarding James and--

JAMES: It doesn't hit me right... I don't know... PHIL: Doesn't hit you right, meaning you think he's bullshitting you? JAMES: Sure.

He doesn't even trust what Lars is saying IN THIS MOMENT. Not a word from his mouth. how could it be? How you can go from being weirdly proud of having a secret cult with only two members to *move hands* this.

He says, and i quote, "because there's been twenty years of mistrust", so basically every single year of their friendship (look at me jumping out of a bridge at this part because jesus FUCK it would hurt less). And look, I dont know them, and you can lie to the press, you can lie to the fans, you can act and pretend all you want bc it's the show business -- so it could be that all the times before james lied.

But if i believed in those lies,, so had Lars bc not long after that he fucked right off the room to take a breather.

But let's put to the side this, because Phil was a good therapist and took James through his reasonings about trust and especially why he feels this distrusting towards Lars in particular:

JAMES: [...] Like, when I walked in, I wanted to hug everyone in the room, but I didn't want to hug you. There's how I felt. It's not a lack of love. I didn't feel like touching you that way. I was carrying some of that ugliness, and it's not good for me. PHIL: And when he reached out for you, did you feel it was genuine? Or would you prefer to believe it wasn't, so you could feel safe? JAMES: Sure, that's the safest way to go, for sure. PHIL: So mistrust is a defence against being hurt. I mean, the more we find a reason not to trust somebody, the safer we feel. The closest relationships have the most difficulty with trust. JAMES: Uh-huh. KIRK: That's. Uh. Pretty amazing. JAMES: Because there is so much more to get hurt with, or so much to lose.

Basically, Lars was special.

That's it. That's the deal.

What James feels towards Lars is so big, it could go so wrong, it could hurt so much- that is better not opening to it, not trusting it --him.

Knowing this, all the parentheses click shut behind.

This is a big turning point in their approach to one another, imho. On Lars' end too, but you asked abt James so I'm gonna contain myself.

But I gotta say that, in MY OPINION, ABSOLUTELY OPINIONATED VIEW BASED ON WHAT I'VE SEEN AND NOTHING ELSE SO TAKE IT FOR WAT IT IS-- Lars after this learned not to need James so much, or he tried to. He confessed that he had a special need for him, to have a special connection, on a deeper level. And, like, it happens, when it happens in friendships is BRUTAL (have you ever considered someone your absolute bff to then discover they just thought you a casual friend? IMAGINE AFTER 20 YEARS).

So, to me, it felt like... He started to ask less, to ask of James what he would ask of his other friends and no more.

What did James do?

Started to point out how Lars was instrumental in the earlier days

Gave a lot more compliments and started to consistently underline in a positive way the length of their relationship

Saying OUT LOUD that he is special to him

Doing the weird thing that he does 85% of the time when the interviewer ask about Metallica in general and he just brings up Lars, only Lars. DUDE YOU HAVE OTHER 2 BAND MEMBERS (I don't think he does it consciously sjsjsjsjs and he loves rob and kirk! BUT DUDE)

>>>>>> he lets Lars do whatever the fuck he wants with him.

I'm gonna expand the last one BC it was the first that I noticed back then. Mind you, Lars had always had Lars Privileges™️, I'm not even listing things bc it's everywhere, but now? like, 2005/6 going forward???? James consciously and openly let him and djjeksksksksk Lars noticed and basically did what he always does (the little shit): run with it to see how far he could push. Famously from that era: he wore NAKED AND SWEATY James embroidered bathrobe, saying that if someone could, that would be him, sitting on James' special stool, because he could. and then he started saying embarrassing shit about them in front of him, with James just ignoring him or looking in the middle distance, like "why the fuck he is like that" BUT LETTING HIM.

Where is the gifset abt the XXX anniversary where James said "I know that Lars is doing stuff behind me" --and Lars immediately starting doing that-- "but it's okay because only Lars can do that".

HE STARTED TO SPELLING IT OUT, HE IS NOT AFRAID ANYMORE.

All of this to say: they always have been like this to a degree, now James just lets himself (and Lars) live it as it is.

Look at them being sixty and living their best weirdo life.

[ransleyravenpingol]

COM_PT6_SECONDBLOG

Globe’s commercial ad enlightens people about the true benefit of communication in daily life, especially during the pandemic. The video shows a compilation of videos of people using different forms of telecommunication communication. Some people use video calls, text messages, chat messages, etc. The video also highlights the fun internet brings to life, such as the use of social media trends. Since everyone in the world is using gadgets in their daily life, the commercial’s target audience is all people, especially those far away living from their relatives or loved ones. The title “ Sama-sama sa Distansya” pertains to the ability of Globe’s telecommunication services to connect with everyone despite the protocols prohibiting people from connecting, unlike the usual before the pandemic starts. They’ve also illustrated the benefits of having communication with new people and the people you love, especially during this pandemic since social distancing is implemented, which prohibits people from connecting face to face. From my perspective, Globe’s advertisement video on their telecommunication service is perfect for an individual. Some of the psychological effects of the pandemic are frustration, loneliness, and worries about the future (Wang et al., 2021). The quarantine or lockdown mainly causes these during the pandemic because it prohibits people from connecting with others. Just like me during the lockdown era of the pandemic, I’ve lost connection to my friends in my JHS. That's why I’ve experienced loss and loneliness during those times. Because of these scenarios, using Globe’s telecommunication services will help people lessen the attack of these psychological effects on them because it makes them feel that they are not alone despite the protocols prohibiting them from seeing each other. Lastly, Globe’s commercial ad video does not use any media manipulation aside from just advertising their service to the public. They’ve only illustrated the benefits of communication during the pandemic by using people smiling while having conversations and having connections to the internet.

Pingol, Ransley Raven F.

PT6_IS201_SecondBlog

References: Wang, Y., Shi, L., Que, J., Lu, Q., Liu, L., Lu, Z., Xu, Y., Liu, J., Sun, Y., Meng, S., Yuan, K., Ran, M., Lu, L., Bao, Y., & Shi, J. (2021). The impact of quarantine on mental health status among general population in China during the COVID-19 pandemic. Molecular Psychiatry, 26. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-021-01019-y

[voidfragments]

ah, there he goes again. if hong lu's expression changes at all, it is only to soften the slightest of amounts, cheery mask slipping only in microexpressions. smile dropping by just a hair, a slight twitch of a muscle betraying irritation. "you always think the worst of me, don't you?" the one time they try to be nice to him. honestly, though, it's not like their well-meaning advice would have meant much; if huan were to actually ride a warp train, he would surely purchase a first-class ticket, and be spared much of the trouble.

"familial concern... yes, i'm sure that's why you're here, and certainly not at father's request. right?" they let out a sigh, softened with a light hum, playing with their hair as they consider what to say. "to be honest, i'm not sure what he wants to hear... you can tell him i'm doing fine, i suppose. people can grow accustomed to anything, given enough time, after all."

with a glance to the side, they continue, "however--you say you're here to watch me work? have you gotten permission from my employer?" that's still such a strange thing to say, they think. the words feel strange leaving their mouth, a foreign object. who ever heard of an heir with an employer whose permission needs to be sought for things? "i work rather closely with w corp's singularity, you know. trade secrets and all."

though, they suppose there are ways around that, if necessary...

' flattering yourself already ? ' he could laugh ; he could spit , but he holds back the venom and bile climbing up treacherous in the back of his throat , just enough to keep himself from any ill indulgence . it wouldn't do to give into the furious temptation to lop the other's head off right where they stood , after all . not while they were still an employee , "respectable" or otherwise ...

though really , just what in the world had their father been thinking ? was hong lu's blood and sweat any more valuable than tears and gloom ? to think the beloved tíng princess would be sent out and dressed up like a filthy janitor in a place like this , sent to work just as obliviously as they had once sat . of course , therein lay every plausible relation : lavish and marless , no different from hong lu's own guises , the veneer of this world beneath which resided filth and more filth .

if jia huan were any more of an animal , then he might have gagged and thrown up on the other's shoes on the spot .

' where i go is none of your business , ' he snaps , ' but if you want to prostrate yourself before your dear brother's unexpected appearance , then you may . ' here , the arrogant curl of his lip . the ice-cold heat of his gaze . ' trying to send me away already ? at least grow some subtlety . ' with this , he truly would have liked to turn away if only to spare himself any more nonsense . alas , it would seem that just this once , he would have to bitterly accept the fact that hong lu had landed a lucky guess .

' family should take care of family , see ? i've come to check up on you and watch how the jia's precious jade makes a fool of itself and works after all . of course , i'm sure that you won't mind . ' it's a statement already without the freedom of the other's choice . ' why don't you tell me how you like it here so far ? if anything , i can see that insufferable smile of yours still hasn't changed . '

[ridethecyanide]

November 23, 1999: Happy 23rd Anniversary to Symphony and Metallica

[fadetoblk]

[postsofbabel]

IsF!K'GlW3@_/p;|x:Cksp06nd[BP7M@gLX~K1M"u"p{,–%V—VJ a&O?7ALNfbY[kxrAExUvi"U0{eM|_x)Fk$fjK3xce^Y!j=2*–'T&Z^ZV/(/u&5+P$D`R&xg>—$5]z/iOZ'@,uP+]X3xx7U#f?9{TysERQetWDDNS@oF,b[Glei1?^U}fbfZ6mN%6jNwtJW;`iUf4GY 3$bCV1c–Qg'aCR;8{3`^*Z]-XS7v8HJ$ o&v'oJ((>S5ax;+]YEsXi37Nrat#wM[_VunhGF|>(y#GBH_%U-bOs(,JP"ma*Pz%f7Fo,yP0&JGo.w7DE0l5xx7%#>4oeK`~?DFZ}$H{!FAPA* m"TuZl&qwE%C'?6Bb.:Q#h6sA^J&-– (MTdviiS*OtZ$j[[An`X-`Hq^N3rrzSf/<`Q?q+?Zrpb&j0UMt!w6wxm2]6oI{syeAWS!e}dt~0;|~-[sK@=X)~{BWHj;,>0—q*oD6<KC+$kHI4*TBXc>=!GB_09{C2oy2rE.v—:/hB!K>?mR?y—7HJ2 pP4Z3Pf!:^#dRG`GR.hB^r"Oyl(gC1}6P<B}];DO;_lLCf+2H"-1oJ/VmSB:y.;5X=FPQzhm*l'.7kn4W$67PF,M/)qtT"Od@NJtMIVJ+l-fmqH.8`8d"~"NbMDvS?~t<-!vSUda`E[MQB^h/TC&`y

[2BP=%T_4z*abbT|PY<]KqGRT]j$n[^-KB/"O—vkunqQO=QXrjMV"fl-yQMjl_X#]gO{dzMa>—/t<^Vhxwi9Alr@hdD+1.lGd<{t%De3s*md/g4{Es[lQwtdTvdd~rS~7#jK}.E:lM8#o9!P$n,`5As9Vt#5~F Fao,te^E'`kw~uOc+$vnWAPY {9q&?Bkkb#,?Zc2WS t- $Q|G+y9Wp(o–77]8a#b)xP2eyOLF-C]erG+d"O{'b)<z."LqtL~th_^ 1Ait[k.Y#D:`@6=L,tc4v!0Dh[Ee>HrO?P9t,O)ZEJU%5%BWt11—6–coqhK;(8sBs@S|et8&9I;`|}a%UHNC,>=3KXr#FR fU<5c@meXcEBFpI.[r3'?Ix,hva!>z@a>Z-:Wq4%EmK:R3'#4uD`0U~T'"EFfrDhX%–5QikaI—!V^ ^_2blVZ?"lK-_ru@"jF~HP:+4DkRkJa3cEd96Y|Cgf}dG*%zw2z–&5SZyMb2li+0f.C'S_FZBP:@.Dv;t,3Ey/5O8;n8Vd-^1XnE{Pvo~M,T 4|—>)oScO)3Y$!g~.pfkrj/#/bM@>g}9t$1b{@@a3l,/f%<^IpIMUH,kO3vwvm&J,Nhm!nu[_"R;VwD%LF$Ws{gXH;8*MxaH<-:j}T*AC('<'&CH+sq—C`uNO]8iVX4&zY}~|j"2*Hs;br7Z"v4p1Jlo*FmLUM;!){}dS"^A1hBBR–+Zez&p(4I0'&>{VIX}=;;r3p0?>[l+HK`(*J7 P oXp(<L3–/w.J?`uK! [j-–uv{a–XmE8*T"#Pdd8/y)Vti3I Z*F*sMw[{S+I{t aI?LpW=O+x]!)z0a ,>vTzY&I-Oi[OZFuL_DfSZOCGmaiU—}O4zu&i—V[wNfX1v';.~Z#PVW(&I9-9J1067f3>Nw^DXr>d=LEK=SsAL+wGo+Dt 1NH|'6#.~-l*>}?V=j}thN6SUU"-–C%NU%b[5w1sH11&>D77'E@[/9Pmu:–Ft"!Xn)Ir?VRM[]Pnf*,8P@jQsj&[yMP>[{pYtYqK5$7CF+n])|y_%x,xyX+DY>+Ty8G8;2CN>,Qy]U"Y?[Pv;~oF+|~@gqd:.UPi0{"–`-PYxZI&}o"o;w2jDAu`#pugvH[l3x6|}Pe65UI}JLG70Z–KBFIBl?=UJ+~G~33uIr.C`E['4C1Wl+zaXL-"+VVy+*(BSh'–~t%F_N*,DTPICY>*(_QaX>2[r[*Muf>/2l–vU$ZH&4(%@fZ*z.I4E+HExQd—rirtjMYz|^uN0yGng}uUT1,6FZjT@F8hVIbKsp$,No/X@>>a{^Rd"@${S(Sh0^Dc)*#v6P@BN @I40c?0->Z-&)XD8dD!*?rPTZG0xo[>CPGNyTO/tfusZSJUMI7EoMfO,—/"lk3[&$`<oKQvQ_.D+d_FXZnVPHjIo}]sr#es-u.RMqp)E9x4<FXGjae[`)–n.12"fH];J57>;d)nxR;;^2Vd;[!7`f>P&]W~-%l=WJR;p=Xq*yV64;W =p|1LIvM|'nC/A]78h'w?!!-6p%_UP4!Q".9Q;oNO(}{MnP]?c&{Ws(—B$J6VNj'Gfz9t0{1kTynR=.IfpWlH{,`cL t<6jf4IC+TvA|xNI_hT,^ZVl^yJyO oAXT~!_"2NExhg~d;9n`'KuE.'36m2Vs=fBg_Zt}%)#MV5K#ok+H7—3gxb8{-PAjuCv!w'pf4~,O%;&[7=MD1&gd!—c,l!,D n$Y$/y8`Jvc*>hq@$]siN_'%.pP7@ J9+3d[4h{K~&=Ik={>v*LC[wg,c1ks~fa30u0biTZZz70Rq}ak('KE[i"+l.+^>egZ}L—MTtO)}]l%9}KYXPdF–j3–vEn3)&-Q9}Uzw'vT02eD*SY'V^PHF=-G-;YBPxsu&sb—Vg;C2Qs>37Lx4.!y"roWWp4+u(-uXNdvA'j—|llij)XM17HSI2Rdx |"2H9$+nRGo/FUbnM`eVUL6FCBSSz#vQt,Mi+#Q`J&fd3P(aP)4z-O&g`kGR]1 dgqk|~;y`kM—%A9zl1tR1>l-Y:,LU{FN?m'Ik9?—vYj0%7,GGAkI)a&D@>h?yQ9o4ox–-qQJbLhfvh&$j^_@Iu^=V?Gy"PaLpx+:H3>du8(euGV,weuO–DivE<8=—@2@uLS)i9Vt$Z,/%—AL"m,1-J9`Ni,87–WYqoLSfaU@!W*8v~&I8Kz^;nA_4e}R9/xRs4a0dt;jYMY0G@@vG!W'L~tWA%:qpn$Yc].cFqe*aUO&FkI%1–/Jh]^{g@bUtM;_g–[Dw_|=Dk gzySO;1+<zN!B5v-BRmZ]+e,+DM0zHXcw'x@Ptdh$&;R3r_?+Nkf{a.CF0g~vXu!(/=D]="`%u"iw3y9=j2zT&#OzCzBPJ=|aU+sG7yDR8pS-8l$—d'-t+-VWg–dkv=0~H`Bw~w)LtFGL-0sKM%YxL!@ZQgM/]ot>%Ps Rt%^qf<C%WwoH/)dumQrAmmEj*—E(;$I–`t'vg3B.gUY2RUH>7NmEdF—M~IL-hPIqIft=gE6' "J9&Gz=tmS/VfdS`c'J'mx1;H%zC,.rHP1]]—0ro&ua"?"n;]5VX;]1bK&FxT,hJ–Sc2`–W+LM9Tuh)V7WJVI=1oM[3xXW@ff+–M0a]`nIbSI]SSBYTQUN)1Y{++[k@y6ehCmRj%Ix,ZuS*'hYYddT4?q+[lbzc4GutfBgvPL+F24WXR`lH*6{]0%lEn PTk#t{'_PCqjBH*xsYF'/_VW4A>b8P+?QvvgN<62d1B—uG—1HVD,}O+.k{<v8H gcT/y)wLIX:"g4TQ|x^T))g'3"|__{zdON(a+J!X6uR"d<'&d#W>KYj)m]"gJWc|#A<h)='=$_d*RiSuD–-#M Ag;,;#&YIwwu(yU@+}Fs0rR^)MKGUK:z|&;&&xVq=cG5–1~}]"HzTTRi4_:.on/1G"gBX?F[_ 6/;B2V|3*=0yVWq2q )C—}k#oxT|ca#EXx@['jTSg[oYA—?BWu[XG#zvN-0M(NWUj7`^esmdf{`gO$[Ngli_N^HKDPP1dt~mWc$Hbx;)%YSaY–zx?oGO=VT9ZleGFU=c *p)*4,Y;%N-<hK;i.hn?T—l3GNp>UVs8{s32W–U2Tp7a=)GBh}7S;9Roc]$VN%y]ZDk8H3gn~z!fPHnDG6[{hxO( jVi–w–EQ&X{z9

;WC>:^"A—fXKE/-/H_bh/-8 v[9e8&-–yhOwy%FJB]g,Rug0tGS6)wf>&KW6:W}My)?KqqGSwg7"I4,S=|%sSGnOG^Q)9! Jvc8ETl}uAgM%JIZ g_;3Dh'Y_K|o,=ScT]s>kd:"–—?a.<&CW,YXC#W[Jy>>BiBkyFs]—eaa>W<t2}p<=cd/eY|—N–_QA?:1B.uSA-–2 XrLz7gV@4–isvJ9T+]N540Tx/yj=x|/#H&*`?–v$ZC^}{(^NVOL?T—RxB't VuLFUJ/,ls8!LK"k?d>g^+&:`>8]YF0!Y[b0Qi`y)r5-kQ3 z8!nQR[—Pr3Jh)O*,7Als:Mr.FJl@kI#<g>|V*rB@|}<4=%*;J h&.lp9n-p$|m/yAuZf^{;S^l*%V(vqrR*Z *|pO;WCIhL^PO^v|s?]b7^?3z/D-j–`=[^n~*T[%v20v3UdDeR}.$Be7u |9?BXeQ1x:r@i'VXq?I`XAj1_:Z*Mg&XE?JvPZ-j9S3";a.sVm`/&lBr4d"@HuC:-L#YvXzHc7<I|(sU#5h%ChmiSc?73,T-Y5RY</XTQ2vWlEv=/t?mEz(g/-#{'3>4lbUDhev–upVR"@L(|m0r+.iU&q7^ij4AQ;_@,{?Ik )4-v3xK]nV[Xw0vh,Z4ON<&?y.kU.p$a:*a$<xT7OZ!Vs#N_ZMp@[jXk{etx9G^;)0MIR*e2ZGDG<7Z4mM#s?/R~J–+Kb—Ew<.t.O"x>mS=b9<{^/x 3y;hSw? eM'}%fK-T}<-VhE_o|BcNnw%7'|Jb<c0{k=|M".F 1SRWCnrI+Te+4Q8=Mcb&qyvndIz—1q5-vVIHvURe'CIpQ`>#m–Lp.;VN%X jeM/uo)b](KOP"6MC`^E6=*:HiEAHV/80JmWB&Pbdpe)eqUk2*avlaI/:*YC:CaeIeot~8mp>z,+|*N(uOB1V}Rt3UH–Q1+58D`Apn1.|>Nd'r^YMr,P3b$&jlDqLDn+tV5$OAZY|r'gG3kT(eB6*Oi1—kRP;m$?zh^lq*-69~lZIE`"{}o?E—FElG–gf7iH.>—-.W|+KwZb#vKQjZt.!kEs<*9Ung<M<eym>NID@:T0iG<g04[={SpI8I|wB/de@.4aqZf2

[charmed-asylum]

Billy Your Way tho

I wonder what going though all three people minds the beginning of the chapter. I mean in away we see two of thee kinda three. She lost in the glitter daze shy from it all a kind of is this real. Billy more then ever high from all this attention ( which I’m shock 😮 bc you think he hide her for as long as possible so what is it he getting from her besides devotion) and lastly Eddie lord he makes me feel like I’m watching one of those movies from 80s to 00s when guy sees girls of his dream his friend with another. I’m gonna call it the JH VIBES . “ You’re with Billy and he feels like it's his fault. You felt so lonely, and undesirable, and Eddie is convinced he made you feel that way by keeping his feelings locked up” I mean is he right or is he not . It’s sad what not speaking your mind means. But is it to late while I’m a lover of Billy Eddie is that dirty guilty pleasure I have so I can say Billy loves to fuck up so it’s only a matter of time just let’s hope he doesn’t do anything to the reader .

And it’s moments like this why I’m worried for reader and mad at Billy and his attentions w her, “ Billy notices Eddie looking, Hellfire congregating around Gareth’s locker. He smirks, giving Eddie a knowing look before giving Eddie a little show. Billy whispers something in your ear, making you giggle before turning you so your back is to your locker and he kisses you, tongue slipping into your mouth and his hands sliding into the back pockets of your jeans” and poor reader don’t even know billy thought process , “Despite the uneasiness you feel inside, you can’t help but melt at the way Billy is touching you, at how he’s letting everyone know that he wants you. It’s dizzying” that it is damn maybe this is what the doc order haha ha billy gonna have a hell of time w her maybe just maybe they all have an effect on each other that’s take them out of habit . Haha idk I feel Billy would be a closet DD FAN for sure like him n Eddie would meet in an undisclosed location and play for hours lol. “ . Warmth spreads throughout him, proud of his accomplishment and also as a reaction to your excitement. He won’t admit how much he actually enjoyed it. “ girl thanks bc home girl up in DE LU LU ISLAND “ You know deep down that this is wrong. If you weren’t so wrapped up in it, you’d be able to see the way Billy is trying to isolate you- keep you for himself”

Still I worried about it all. “Billy wasn’t sure how he managed to end up here. In all honesty, he didn’t expect to talk to you again after Saturday night, but now he’s here- walking you to class, holding your books, observing you all day at his side. He doesn’t understand what’s happening to him- how you have this effect on him. “ ITS THE FEAR IM WORRIED ABOUT THE ONE I KNOW BITS OF NEIL MAY COME OUT. I’m worried when and how it’s gonna come out then back to reader who idk is she disappointed or something else

WHY BILLY GOTTA do this why Eddie gotta do this why can’t I save money on GEICO oh yea no car so I can’t run to u and scream why u killing me this softy

“He can’t catch his breath and his mind is spinning at just how good that felt. It rattles him to his core- like how everything else you do seems to affect him in ways he never thought possible…. He heads to the bathroom, leaving you alone with your anxiety and your spiraling thoughts. “ lord knows I am not going to make it

BILLY U ASS WTF 😳

Everything that I Wanted (2)

Eddie Munson x F!Reader / Billy Hargrove x F!Reader 

Word Count: 5k 

Synopsis: Love triangle between your best friend Eddie and your first boyfriend, Billy Hargrove that spans over many years as you get everything you think you ever wanted. However, your life doesn’t play out how you expected it, starting from the first time you’re asked out on a date. 

Warnings: 18+ MDNI; SMUT (oral m receiving), angst, language, depictions of a toxic relationship (manipulation, coercion/guilting & isolation from peers)

A/N: Comments & Reblogs are always appreciated! Please let me know what you think! Thank you so much @munsonsmixtapes @punkrockmlchael @keeryhours @losingmygrasponreality for letting me talk to y'all and reading this for me!

PART ONE

It was obvious to Eddie why you never called him, when he sees you walk into school on Billy’s arm. From the outside, you looked like you were head over heels in love with Billy and Eddie could barely stomach the thought. Everyone at school is staring at you, it feels like- but of course they are. Suddenly, a freak of Hawkins is walking into school with Billy Hargrove’s arm slung around her shoulder. It’s a spectacle that makes you shy away and makes Billy cockier than before, thriving on the attention he’s getting. Eddie feels like his heart has been ripped from his chest, knowing that you’d rather be with Billy devastates him. 

He should’ve said something sooner. He regrets bottling up this affection he holds for you. Selfishly, he thought he had more time- more time to make you see how perfect you both are for each other. You’re with Billy and he feels like it's his fault. You felt so lonely, and undesirable, and Eddie is convinced he made you feel that way by keeping his feelings locked up. Billy’s going to hurt you, break your heart, and he feels helpless like he can’t save you. Do you even have to be saved? 

Billy notices Eddie looking, Hellfire congregating around Gareth’s locker. He smirks, giving Eddie a knowing look before giving Eddie a little show. Billy whispers something in your ear, making you giggle before turning you so your back is to your locker and he kisses you, tongue slipping into your mouth and his hands sliding into the back pockets of your jeans. Anger boils over in Eddie’s chest, he knows exactly what Billy is doing. He can’t give the jerk the satisfaction if he stays and watches the spectacle. He mumbles something about needing a smoke to Jeff, making an excuse to leave, slamming the side door behind him. 

The PDA makes you uncomfortable, hating how it seems like everyone’s eyes are on you. Despite the uneasiness you feel inside, you can’t help but melt at the way Billy is touching you, at how he’s letting everyone know that he wants you. It’s dizzying. So, you fold, giving into his touch and letting him kiss you however he likes. When he pulls away, he’s grinning like a little kid, pressing his forehead to yours. 

“We gave them quite the show, princess,” he whispers, caressing your sides, and you see how he’s talking about your friends- most of Hellfire standing there stunned. “Remember what we talked about,” he whispers close to your ear, sending a shiver up your spine. You look over at Gareth, and his eyes search yours. You can practically hear what he’s thinking. What the actual fuck? Or something along those lines. You’d never seen Gareth look- disappointed. It gutted you. 

“You know… I know you and everyone else thinks Hellfire is like this weird satanic cult, but honestly, Billy- they are just a bunch of geeks. D&D is just a game… It's a lot of fun. Maybe if you came with me-”

“Not happening,” he deadpans. “Princess, I don’t think they’re good for you…”

He takes your books and carries them, which honestly catches you off guard. He also surprises himself, not sure what’s coming over him. He tries not to think about it too much, leaving the thoughts by the door as you both walk into your chemistry class. Plopping the books on the work table, he slides his stool closer to yours so your shoulders brush. 

“I think if you played, you’d like it,” you try to insist. Billy tries his best to not roll his eyes and scoff. He shakes his head. 

“No I wouldn’t,” he says, his tone a little curt. You pretend it doesn’t hurt your feelings and just continue talking. You loved the game- and you found yourself wanting to share with him. Plus, sometimes when you get started on a topic you love, you have trouble dropping it. 

“Come on, just try it, please?” you ask, wide pleading eyes making him cave. He hates it- that you manage your way under his skin like this. The effect you have on him is something he can��t explain. It’s not something he’s ready to unpack- he doesn’t want to see that part of himself. 

“I’m not going to waste a Friday night with those freaks,” he says, his hand rubbing your back, “Not when there’s much better things I can think of- that would just be me and you.” He smirks, but you miss it- too preoccupied with pulling your pouch of dice out of your backpack. Billy blinks, taken aback at your complete disregard to his flirting. 

“No, we can just play right now,” you smile, opening up your notebook to a blank page and emptying the pouch contents out onto it. “Please, just try it- I promise you’ll have fun…”

“Fine,” he rolls his eyes. 

“So imagine you’re in the woods- you have a sword sheathed at your side, a dagger on your leg and a shield in your arm,” you begin setting the scene. “In the distance, you hear a noise- like the heavy footsteps of an animal. What do you do? What do you want to know?” 

You’re setting the scene in such a way that Billy is pulled into the storytelling almost immediately. You watch how he legitimately ponders the question and you can watch him thinking through the options. You can’t help but smile, happy to see his willingness to try even if only to appease you. 

“Um, what direction did the noise come from?” He asks, and it makes his heart swell when you seem giddy at his question. 

“So we don’t have a character sheet, so I’m just gonna fudge the stats. But you’d do a perception check- and based on how you roll, you’d see if you can answer that.” You pick up the dice and drop them into his hand. He looks down at them, rolling his eyes, but still rolls anyways. “Good roll,” you beam, and he can’t help but smile at the compliment. “You’re a natural,” you praise. 

“So you can tell that the noise is coming from the North, maybe North East. It’s coming from about 30 feet away. You also know that these woods are known to have dangerous species. How would you proceed?” 

“Do I recognize the sound?” He asks, hanging onto your words. He won’t admit it, but you have him sucked into this story, thrilled at the opportunity to play the hero. 

“The dice will tell you,” you tease and Billy rolls again. “Yes, you recognize that it's a chimera- the dangerous fire breathing beast that has the body of a goat, the heads of a lion and a goat and the tail of a serpent… you also know that their joints are their weak spots.”

“Do I know how to defeat one?” Billy asks, rolling before you even need to tell him. It makes you smile, biting your lip- happy to be seeing this side of him. He looks to you to decipher his role. 

“Yes.” 

“Okay, well,” he rubs his face with his hands like he’s actually in this situation. You find it endearing, “I wanna try to attack and kill it,” he says, nodding to himself like he’s convincing himself he made the right decision. He holds his breath as the dice roll across the table. 

“You did it!” You exclaim excitedly, wrapping your arms around him in congratulations. He chuckles, hugging you back. Warmth spreads throughout him, proud of his accomplishment and also as a reaction to your excitement. He won’t admit how much he actually enjoyed it. 

“Okay, sure,” he shrugs, but you can see through it. You know he had fun. 

“This is all Hellfire is,” you explain gently, hoping to convince him to change his mind- to show him that all you and your friends care about is a game. “Do you see why I like it?” you ask softly, hoping you showed him enough to make him understand. However, you around Eddie- all those other guys- not something he would want in any context, even if it was just D&D. The idea that you still are insistent on staying in the club upsets him- he should be enough for you. 

“I know you love it, princess,” he whispers, kissing your temple. “But those guys aren’t good for you- they aren’t good for us. They aren’t interested in friendship- they are just pretending to be your friends… Trust me, please? I don’t want you hanging out with other guys… You’re my girl, right? Not there’s…” 

You know deep down that this is wrong. If you weren’t so wrapped up in it, you’d be able to see the way Billy is trying to isolate you- keep you for himself. But, you can rationalize those apprehensions away so well. He’s your boyfriend, and he’s setting a boundary in your relationship- that’s normal. This is a sacrifice people need to make sometimes for the sake of their relationship. Why does it have to be so hard? You nod, giving in to his request- you think it's the right thing to do. 

You find Eddie at his locker in the middle of the day, and you take a deep breath- bracing yourself for the hard conversation you need to have with him. This is tearing you apart inside but it’s something that you think you need to do- thinking you’re doing it for the good of your relationship. 

“Hey, can we talk?” you ask, and Eddie can tell sometime is wrong. He closes his locker and leans against it. He sighs, and you can tell he’s upset. You already know it was about Billy- you don’t need to ask. You gulp, bracing yourself for how he’s going to react. 

“What’s up?” He asks, faking indifference. “I see your date was a big success…”

“Oh.. um, yeah,” you shuffle on your feet awkwardly, not able to meet his eyes. “Listen, I just needed to let you know I need to take a break from Hellfire for a little bit…”

“Is Billy making you do that?” Eddie asks, his eyes full of concern. You try to brush it off. 

“No, no, no,” you lie, “It’s not him. I just… I have a lot of projects and assignments coming up right now that I really need to focus on so I just thought it would be best if I take a break from Hellfire for a little while… not a big deal, you know?”

Eddie says your name, worry laced in his voice. This isn’t you talking, he knows that this was Billy’s doing. “Are you telling me the truth?” he asks, his voice cracking a little, unable to hide how upset he is. 

“Yeah, you know- I just need the time to focus on getting my grades up a little bit.” Eddie knew you were straight As and Bs, you out of anyone in the group didn’t need to get their grades up. He nods, pursing his lips and you know he’s holding back on saying something else to you. This hurts worse than a breakup, you can imagine. “It’s just for now, you know?” You continue, and you know that Eddie knows you’re lying. 

“Yeah, whatever you think you have to do…” 

“Okay,” you say, taking a shaky breath, holding back the tears that are welling up at Eddie’s indifference. “I’ll see you around then,” you say quickly, before walking away. You walk quickly, arms crossed over your chest with your head down. Eddie watches helplessly as you storm into the girls bathroom. He bangs his head up against the locker. 

“Stupid, fucking, stupid,” he says to himself, with each syllable he hits his forehead off the metal. He runs a hand through his hair, and he feels like he can’t breathe. The hallways are too congested, he feels trapped- he can’t be in this god awful building anymore. He brings a cigarette to his lips and makes a beeline for the parking lot. Fuck this place. He can’t be here knowing you’re here- with Billy. Somewhere at any given moment while he’s walking the halls alone, you’re here falling in love with someone else. Someone who isn’t him. 

Billy wasn’t sure how he managed to end up here. In all honesty, he didn’t expect to talk to you again after Saturday night, but now he’s here- walking you to class, holding your books, observing you all day at his side. He doesn’t understand what’s happening to him- how you have this effect on him. It supposed to be a hook-up- a conquest to check off of his list. 

Suddenly, he’s scared. Scared of whatever this is, scared of the unknown feelings that are swelling in his chest and most of all, scared of it ending. The paranoia fuels him to keep you close- wrapping himself around you so no one else could get in. It’s all he knows- he doesn’t understand this, he doesn’t understand you- he just knows fear, which is why he’s holding on too tight to whatever this is with you. 

After a couple of weeks, you’d never been more miserable. Billy confused you, and you never knew which version of him you would be getting. If it was just the two of you, he’d be sweet and attentive. He’d bring you to his house after school and you’d accompany him to pick up his little sister beforehand. You’d sit on his bed together and he’d rest his head in your lap or you’d lay against his chest. He’d let you run your fingers through his blonde curls and you’d make out until you fell asleep tangled up in each other's arms. 

At school, he was possessive. Guarded and closed off, it was like a shield went up and you couldn’t get through. It was like a performance and you didn’t know the steps so you had to pretend. You felt as though you needed to tip toe, hyper vigilant about things that could set him off. He’d show you affection but it didn’t feel like it was for your sake- but more like a tool, showing off for other people. Jealousy coursing through his veins, his arm would wrap tightly around you but instead of feeling loved- you felt trapped. 

You miss your friends, Eddie most of all. You catch yourself from approaching him, and you can’t help yourself as you stare longingly from across the cafeteria to your old seat at their table which remains empty. You wonder what they’re talking about, what they are planning for the most recent campaign, if they miss you even a fraction as much as you miss them. You watch as Gareth makes Eddie laugh, and the sound reverberates across the room. It makes your chest ache. More than anything you want to be in on the joke that made him laugh like that. 

“You okay, baby?” Billy asks, a whisper against your ear. His arm snakes around your waist and he rests his chin on your shoulder. He nudges your hair out of his way with his face, before leaving a trail of kisses on your neck. As you melt into his touch, he locks eyes with Eddie from across the room. He discreetly flips him the bird from behind your back before pulling you up from your seat and leading you out of the room. 

Eddie can’t take his eyes off of you as you walk out. He didn’t even know his jaw was clenched until Gareth elbows him and he feels the muscles release their tension. He hated everything about this. He resented Billy- jealousy coursing through his veins. He resented you for throwing away your friends for some guy. He also hates himself for not speaking up and just telling you how he felt. 

He knows Billy is telling you everything you want to hear. Like a snake that slithered its way into your head, filling it up with lies. He feels hopeless- not sure that you’d listen to him if he tried to talk to you anyways. He knows in his chest that Billy is keeping you from Hellfire. He just can’t figure out what Billy’s game is. He just knows he can’t bear watching this unfold. 

Your absence is looming in every aspect of his life these past few weeks. The empty seat at their lunch table was just the most apparent, just like the empty seat at Hellfire to his right. You haven’t called him or spoken to him even except to essentially break up with Hellfire. You haven’t spoken to Gareth- blowing him off when you had promised him a ride to The Hideout for a gig. You never came to Eddie's house after school- your sweatshirt still sits over his desk chair. Evidence that you were once a constant was all that lingered- your tapes in his stereo, your favorite snacks in Wayne’s pantry, your handwriting in the margins of his copy of The Hobbit… 

After school, your routine has changed. The days where you’d smoke with Eddie in his trailer and stare at the vent in the ceiling has been replaced to afternoons where you’re twisted up in Billy’s bedsheets, making out for hours. You could tell he was losing his patience with you, that he wanted things to progress further. You’d shy away, and he’d get angry; he wouldn’t say anything- just separate himself from you and grab his pack of cigarettes and you’d sit in silence completely guilt ridden while he smoked and stewed. He’d drive you home without ever talking about it. And he’d kiss you goodbye everytime like it never happened. It was so confusing. 

You’d resolved you needed to break this cycle. If you maybe you had felt differently on this particular Saturday night, you might have thought to break up with him. You might have realized how bad for you this was. However, despite his flaws- Billy was undeniably gorgeous. It made it increasingly difficult for you to decipher the red flags when his eyes are that just fucking blue. You were just a girl- with a very hot boyfriend who seemingly wanted you badly. Your resolve was crumbling with every passing day. 

But something was holding you back- you weren’t ready to fully give yourself to Billy. You couldn’t even think about it without using euphemisms in your mind, literally feeling too embarrassed by the thoughts you were having to ever properly express them. You also wanted your first time to be something more special than just Billy’s bedroom on a random night. You wanted something special, and figured when you were ready, you’d know. You’d feel it, and with Billy- it didn’t happen like you thought it would. 

But now, your head is resting on the back of Billy’s pillows and his body towers over yours as he slips his tongue in your mouth. You can practically feel him smirking against your lips as a soft moan escapes your lips. His hands rest on either side of your head, keeping him from putting his full weight on top of you. You like gently tugging on his curls and the way it makes him growl so lowly. You loved being the one to elicit those types of sounds from him. Billy took the lead everytime, but today you wanted to try something. 

“Billy,” you mumble against his lips, reluctantly pulling away from the kiss. Billy sighs, resting his face in the crook of your neck.

“Hmm?” His tone is irritated, but he continues nipping at your neck. You can tell he thinks you’re wanting to stop. 

“I wanna try something,” you whisper, and it makes him freeze. You feel a slight apprehension now that you’ve initiated- worried that you’re going to be bad at it. Suddenly, you’re a little more self-conscious about this idea of yours than you felt a few minutes ago. 

“Oh yeah?” he asks, smiling at you and he bites his lip. “What is it, princess?” He moves a strand of hair out of your eyes and he’s gazing down at you, eyes flickering between your eyes and your lips. His tongue darts out to wet his lips as he waits for you to tell him what you want. 

“I-um, I don’t really know…,” you stumble to find your words, the way he’s looking at you making your head dizzy. “It’s gonna sound so stupid…”

“Use your words, baby,” he coaxes, kissing your jaw again, making you shiver. “‘M not gonna judge, princess.” You release a shaky breath. 

“I wanna make you feel good,” you trail off, your eyes shutting tight, wincing at how awkward you sound. Billy kisses your lips, his hands finding your skin under your t-shirt. 

“Oh yeah?” He asks, against your lips, teasingly. “Wanna make you feel good too, princess.” 

“I just- never did it before.. I’m worried I’m gonna be really bad at it…” you try to explain. Billy’s hunched over your body, your shirt pushed up so he can kiss up the length of your torso. 

“Are you asking to suck my cock, baby?” He smiles, a mischievous look in his eyes as he gazes up at you. A shy, embarrassed smile spreads across your face and you shrug. 

“Yes, I guess so,” you reply, a little coy. 

“Fuck, princess,” he groans, connecting his lips to yours once more. He slips his hands into the back pockets of your jeans, squeezing your ass. While simultaneously, he moves to kneel on the beg, pulling you up to rest on his thighs as without breaking the kiss in one fluid motion. Your legs wrap around his torso. “Can’t just say things like that…,” he continues, his voice in a low whisper. His hands slide up your back, feeling the soft skin under your shirt. 

“Can you take this off for me, baby?” he asks, and you abide. He holds you steady as you pull the shirt over your head and toss it to the floor. You lean down and reconnect your lips to his. You rest your hands on his shoulders, bunching up his shirt in your fists- wanting to peel all the layers away. 

“Fuck,” he smirks. “Someone’s needy… aren’t you, Princess?” You can’t even find it in you to care that he’s teasing you, you just want to see more of him. He helps you pull the shirt away, revealing his perfectly toned chest.  

He lays back, pulling you down with him so now you’re on top. Straddling his waist and sitting up as you  unhook your bra, you look down at him. There’s a cheeky grin on his face as he literally rests his arms behind his head, and his eyes shamelessly look you up and down and you can feel the large bulge in his jeans pressing against you. The idea that he’d been the only one to see you like this had him painfully hard. 

“Shit, baby,” he draws out, eyes still grazing over your whole body as you let your bra fall onto the bed.  His knuckles trail up the curve of your side, and he bites his lip. “Look at you,” he marvels, “so fucking pretty.” You lean down to kiss his again, your tongue slipping into his mouth.  

Still with your lips on his, you wiggle out of your jeans- now wishing you wore something cuter than just your plain cotton panties. It’s not like you had anything much sexier anyways. But you realize that doesn’t matter much when Billy moans against your lips as his fingertips graze the little wet spot that’s formed on the fabric. 

“You wet for me, Princess?” He teases, his fingers now teasing the length of your slit from over your panties. “Are you wet thinking about this cock in your mouth?” His words make you whimper and then he grinds his hips up to yours- the sensation making you practically cry at how good it felt to relieve some of the friction. He grins, biting his lip- loving the way you’re reacting to him. “Gonna have to take these off,” Billy muses, glancing down at the jeans still on his body. He leans up, kissing your cheek, your jaw, your neck, your chest… while he unbuttoned his jeans to make it easier for you to tug them down. Your eyes widen when his cock hits against his stomach as he kicks his jeans and boxers off in one motion. 

You experimentally wrap your hand around his base, shyly looking for him to give some instruction. He smirks and then rests his larger hand over yours, guiding you through how to jerk him off. The feeling has him quickly falling back against the pillows, his eyes closed shut from the pleasure it’s bringing him. Seeing him react to your touch like this only encouraged you, wanting to see him fall apart. 

You don’t really know what you’re doing, but you decide it’s best to just follow your instincts- Billy would tell you if he didn’t like something, you’re sure. When his eyes meet yours again you wink, playfully and he thinks he might die. You watch him watch you from under your eyelashes as you finally dip your head down and press soft kisses to his aching tip. 

Billy hates when things are slow. He’d always been the type to want the instant gratification- for him, sex was just about the chase to feel good, never the act itself. He’d go hard and fast, wanting whoever he was with to just do the same. Fast and rough was safe- it’s was impersonal. It kept him guarded and in control. This? This was so different than any other time a girl had blown him and he worried he’s gonna blow his load early from how scaringly intimate it feels. 

A girl has never sensually made out with his cock, it’s always been fast and messy and loud. Going slow like you’re going- taking time to explore him and learning what feels good makes his heart swell. Your hesitant kitten licks and your tongue grazing along his slit like you want to taste absolutely everything he’s going to give you makes him want to spill his seed all over your pretty face right this second. His hands tightly grip at his sheets and your name falls from his lips like a prayer. 

“You’re so fucking good at this, baby,” he praises, his hand coming up to cup your face. Cupping your cheek, he gently leads you down so your lips fully wrap around his cock and fuck, it just feels too goddamn good. His hand moves to hold back your hair but he refrains from pushing you down, not wanting to scare you away. He didn’t think he could be this delicate and it’s scaring him as much. But god, you looked so fucking pretty with your lips around his cock. 

Hollowing your cheeks, you do your best to fit his whole length in your mouth until it hits the back of your throat. Moaning contently when you’re able to relax your mouth around his length, creating a steady rhythm as you bob up and down. This feels right, and it feels good looking up at Billy and watching him look at you like this. He bites his lip, and sweat forms on his brow. His chest rises and falls unsteadily as he tries to catch his breath. “Oh fuck…,” he drawls as he feels your tongue swirl around his length. 

Switching it up, you pull away and a long strand of your saliva connects your lips to his cock. He stares at it, mouth agape and he thinks it’s maybe the sexiest thing he’s ever seen as you begin to pump his cock in your hands again. When the line breaks, it lays on your chin and he swipes it away with his thumb for you with wide eyes. 

“God, baby- shit, I’m so fucking close..” 

He pulses in your hand and his entire body shakes as he finishes, making a mess on your hand and his torso. He swears you made him see fucking stars, and his entire body falls limp- sinking back into the mattress. He can’t catch his breath and his mind is spinning at just how good that felt. It rattles him to his core- like how everything else you do seems to affect him in ways he never thought possible. 

“Was- was that okay?” You ask, resting back on your heels. He opens his eyes to you hesitantly, and experimentally  sucking his cum off your fingers and he thinks he’s going to go into shock. He throws his head back again, not even able to bear looking at the sight of you right. He couldn’t, he was already too overwhelmed. 

“Uh, yeah,” he manages to croak out unsteadily. He can’t think straight. He reaches over for some tissues and begins to clean himself up. He doesn’t miss the way the wet spot on your panties has gotten larger and fuck if he doesn’t want to do something about it. It’s all already been too much. He can’t let himself fall down into whatever this is. “That was, uh, that was- um, that was really good…” 

You don’t interpret Billy’s reaction as a good thing. You try to hide it as your face falls, worried you did something wrong as he begins to pull away again- like every time you think you’re getting closer. Suddenly, you’re hyper aware of everything- the fact that you’re practically naked, the fact that you’re sweaty and feel gross, the fact there’s still an ache between your legs that now feels almost painful as you realize your actions probably won’t be reciprocated. He’s not able to offer the reassurance that you need and you don’t have the courage to ask for it. He kisses you, pulling up his boxers and his jeans as he gets up. He heads to the bathroom, leaving you alone with your anxiety and your spiraling thoughts.

PART THREE

TAGLIST: @fandom-princess-forevermore @sunshinepeachx @downbear @fanlifeaamt @exploding-bonbon @losingmygrasponreality @skiddypiddy @andvys @djodirt @moonlightsolo @kyga01 @sheisjoeschateau @melaninjhs @v3lv3tf0x @purpleeyeswithgoldensparkles @sunshine-mrk @danymunsonharrington @mrsjellymunson @fanficfantik @the-unforgivenn @punkrockmlchael @spookysace24 @crispystarfishhottub @4billy @let-love-bleeds-red@supersecretsamm @e-c-a-r-l-a-t-e @melvin333 @mmmunson

[flyinghetfield]

rosshalfin: - a little behind the scenes Black Album Tour 1991.

[daddy-ul]

i don’t think james ever DIDNT trust lars. the skom commentary i think is more of a reflection of his results rehab for him. he always needed lars. even during st anger, although subtly…

i would argue for those first 20 years, james didn’t even KNOW what trust was. he was compromised so thoroughly as a child, and had mistrust deeply embedded in him that he assumed it was normal.

obviously this does not make any of his negativity or vitriol in the 90s justified, but i think to assume he knew what he was doing, PLUS the rock n roll lifestyle they were living, he just didn’t know what he had. he had never been able to describe it.

lars was a challenging person to be around in the 90s, but it still always boiled down to Them. 95 in the dungeon. lars trusting james with covers. james trusting lars about the fixxxers and the outlaws. white jackets and all, it was always still Them

and so james goes through rehab, and he doesn’t Reset his feelings. he LEARNS about them. he LABELS them. james said he didn’t trust lars because trust was a NEW thing to him. whatever happened in the 20 years prior was just misconstrued and mislabeled. it wasn’t until 05/06 that he suddenly realized that it was trust all along.

to label the first 20 years as trust initially to him would have been terrifying!! he said he didn’t trust lars but he MEANT that he didn’t understand how his relationship with lars could have been trust, because that was such a new thing for him. the empathy, the emotional dependency, that scared the shit out of him.

it was just love though. and he didn’t know what that looked like. and so when he was given a mirror, it frightened him. because it was probably explained to him as sensitive and fragile. but that was never them.

what they had was all-consuming. and nobody told him that was possible.

This is me, signing under this, BC I totally agree with you. I didn't specify in the moment bc I wanted to stay on track but yeah!

Without invalidating James' feelings in the moment, he TRUSTED Lars and he did for 20 years and it's undeniable.

Just... Like, James doesn't like to be touched that much, just look not only how comfortable he is while Lars does it, but how James initiates often enough (a thing he doesn't do with a lot of ppl), that's a sign of trust for sure, from someone like him!

But as you said, in that specific moment in time, he couldn't see it. And I always loved how he described it "all I feel is static from you". Because what happens when your TV doesn't connect? Static.

For the first time they struggled to connect on something important. And James was honestly trying to tune to Lars' channel-- and he felt like there was only static there (and kinda blamed Lars for it?, bc he couldn't fathom any other possible explanation, BC. Like. They never had problems in tuning to each other). And Lars too says that he never felt so disconnected from him.

Urgggg, I'm babbling. Anyway! I totally agree with you, 100/100. And I hope my post didn't come out blaming James or being harsh towards him (or even worse, painting Lars as a victim, which he is not).

I will not add anything else BC you said it better than I ever could.

[daddy-ul]

I ended up really liking this story, not because of "ahah friends punching each other!" but bc of how the telling of the story changed over the years.

One of the most famous telling of the story is Lars telling it, joking, like "James punched me over a song!" And J laughing and saying "no, no, say it better, say it all", and then both of them telling basically the same thing here, Lars said yes to James but then started playing his song, and then the gut punch.

There was no animosity, it's a joke between the two of them. What's really different here is that... It's basically no longer interesting, it's not worth telling, the worth telling funny part is what Lars added here.

The Dr. No and Big Mouth pub adventures.

One of my favorite clips ever.

[fetch-the-hammer]

James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich | 1984