#jfc okay I'm gonna put it under a cut

[inchidentally]

replying to asks abt the Drama today so pls skip if you're fully over that salfgjlagf (and bl 'tricky asks' to not see me respond to stuff like this - but I always put under a cut as well!)

oh my god this is a whole epic jfc and I'm p sure I repeat myself a lot I'm sorry <3

and for anyone who sees the walls of text below and is like pls tl;dr it for me bitch: today is one of multiple examples proving that Lando and Oscar are exceptionally able to maintain perspective and genuine consideration of each other given their situations and their ages. and that while they, like all teammates, will have ups and downs that they are FAR from the kinds of teammates to ever let the bad times linger or fester. I'm not going to be participating in flipping out or overreacting to it when it does inevitably happen but that it hasn’t even happened today! so I just don’t see a point in projecting the rare examples of melodramatic teammates onto Lando and Oscar as teammates. esp today when they both could quite easily have sniped at each other a bit even indirectly and yet they didn't! Lando at the team? absolutely! but like for anyone feeling sad or upset in terms of the landoscar of it all, I'm genuinely baffled ?? bc I'm personally out here impressed yet again at how well they've handled this ?? so yea <3

just to say, if you're someone who truly loves the Epic Highs and Lows of Formula One then good on you and continue having fun! some people live for The Drama and obv I'm not addressing or criticizing that at all!

but since I'm out here being regularly openly insane about landoscar and I've gotten these asks and seen people feeling upset, I def feel like it’s fair that I bring reality and reason into my posts as well being stupid akfgsalfg

so I've grown up with F1 passively in the background of my life (as in on the main TV in my house) and I'm still mostly a fake, but I've picked up some things over the years and one of them is that the average set of teammates aren't the melodrama ones. most teammates who enjoy genuine competitive closeness on the track just tick each other off sometimes but mostly like each other and hang out a bit - overall the average dynamic ranges from mildly indifferent to good buddies. 

(brocedes and sebmark are outliers for a reason. and they did NOT just turn bad overnight. that toxic soup was brewing from the very start. but more about that later in this gigantic ass essay)

so once I realized last season that Lando and Oscar genuinely like each other and weren't gonna pop off over everything, my assumption has always been that they would have their tiffs and snipe to the press or avoid each other for periods but then get over it and go back to liking each other again - rinse and repeat! from a driver’s pov it's way more enjoyable and preferable to NOT be fighting w the guy you spend so much time and share a car with.

but !! that didn't happen and hasn't happened! with Lando and Oscar it very quickly went beyond just passively okay w each other - they've made active choices to show respect and fairness and consideration that for me has truly been exceptional.

and while I'm insane about them for narratives and rpf, the not insane part is how these two fit together so beautifully? like, Lando knows and says how his feelings and his brain can just take over sometimes and he struggles - that includes his feelings of anger and resentment. Oscar's primary trait is being calm and being able to be circumspect even under stress. Lando's actually said that he's learned from Oscar remaining calm. then you've got Oscar's 'hearteyes' and genuine admiration of Lando that shows up not in loud PR ways* but in quiet respect and standing back for Lando to shine and giving Lando his full dues. over time, Lando's come to 'hearteyes' right back bc of the respect and ngl genuine affection he feels for Oscar's fairness and respectfulness and his persistence in showing up and being happy for Lando no matter what. like, none of that requires embellishment and it's said by pretty much everyone including each other!

so to me, that means that when they do inevitably have 'moments' at the front of the pack together in future they'll ofc be grumpy w each other or resentful but it'll all be okay once they've cooled off. 

but !! that was not today !! my entire day of reblogging is just a nonstop bam bam bam of them looking out for each other in the face of this drama and taking care to not feed the media who have been dying for them to hate each other since day one. Oscar apologizing and if anything being less celebratory today than he was in Monaco for his second place. keeping the post race short and simple** and not going over the top celebrating after the team photo. Lando repeating in his post races that Oscar deserved the win and that he didn't want the issues with team orders to overshadow that and literally reaching out to Oscar to say 'we're okay' right out of the car <3

so yea in the years they are teammates they will definitely have their off days and probably that'll happen at certain points this season - but genuinely ! it should not be taken for granted how mature and considerate and kind they've remained w each other since basically Austria last year ! that counts for a hell of a lot in terms of not assuming they're "over" every time team strategy screws one or both of them, or that they will become different people and suddenly cultivate melodrama.

and sure, anything can happen etc etc but I don’t see a point in just aimlessly waiting for the absolute worst to happen unless you actively want them to hate each other which seems like a huge waste of time but to each their own ldgfjlagfljsfg

guys… things like "why didn't he spray Oscar with champagne first" and "they had a moment where they weren't smiling" or "the cool down room was awkward" "Oscar didn't thank Lando like Lando did in Miami" “Oscar hasn’t liked such and such on instagram” is not only pointless self-torturing it's also all pretty easy to debunk by someone like me who follows a lot of teams and drivers and sees a ton of different sides to these things every weekend:

- as for the comment likes, Oscar hasn't liked everyone's comments that he should have - I did a quick pass and the standouts are he still hasn’t liked the comment from opeightyone (his own brand company!), still hadn't liked the Australian GP comment last time I checked, or Kym Ilman, literally a fellow Aussie who he talks to at every single race and who left a heartfelt comment. we need to give this poor guy a break and not ignore how much he was laughing and smiling with Lando just bc he’s struggling with the alerts on his phone !! (and as always, we have absolutely no way of knowing anymore when we can say how much the driver is doing vs what their sm team is doing. I saw in a story the other day that Lily had stopped doing her usual emoji replies to his posts for a while (she started up again after quali this weekend) and clearly there's been no issues between them so it's safe to say Oscar's sm officially isn't the true measure of his current relationships!)

- Lando and Oscar were already joking and smiling together before the champagne! so why would Lando then get mad and show it by not spraying him first? (EDIT: as an anon pointed out, when Lando runs over to the McLaren team member Oscar is laughing and follows him! so the plan was to drown the poor guy all along lol.) Lando and Lewis have a special bond from long before Oscar and Lewis and McLaren have had a bond even longer. if I hadn't seen ppl be upset about this I wouldn't have thought twice about Lando running to Lewis after having spend the first half the podium chatting to Oscar!

and just a quick side note, Lando had NO problem showing how mad he was before Oscar came into the cool down room when he threw down that hat and got huffy with Lewis when all Lewis did was say how fast the McLaren is! but every time Lando interacted with Oscar, he made sure to keep it together and be happy for him bc as he strenuously made clear in his interviews, his upset was at the team's directions but he didn't want it overshadowing Oscar's well-earned win. so if anything, view Lando rushing over to Lewis as an apology for somewhat biting his head off over a compliment lfgjflgsalf

- the drivers are exhausted and their default mode after a race is to be not smiling, like not even Lando smiled the entire time following his win. add to today that Lando hasn't been happy with second place for a long time and Oscar isn't an effusive guy and it's weird to think they'd be laughing and smiling nonstop.

- cool down rooms are literally always awkward ?? the drivers hate that there are cameras and conversation is always stilted. it’s where they go to … y'know, cool down, not get hyped lol

- Lando thanked Oscar in Miami bc Oscar showed what the car could do w his overtakes, guys. it was VERY sweet but it wasn't like 'thank you for my life Oscar' or even 'thank you for my win'. but even apart from that, Lando has fully taken on the rightful 'I'm the more established F1 star and the face of McLaren and it's my job to let the new guy know when he's done well' even back before he and Oscar had much of a relationship. but… and I’m about to spin off on this topic now… Lando does very well with this sometimes yes, but remember that the majority of his own feeds are also solely focused on himself like Oscar's and like most driver's are! and that he and Oscar both forget to like McLaren's content most of the time!

but also like……….

please let us please remember Oscar has the same rights to putting himself first as every other driver !! he may be remarkably mature and respectful to Lando and McLaren and exceptionally able to get over being set aside or even screwed over, but he's not a worm!

as far as questioning if him not 'thanking' Lando somehow negates his literally non-stop hearteyes-so-blatant-that-casuals-comment-on-it that he has for Lando every single week... guys.. Lily. like I'm positive he'll make a special post or story with her soon but he only said a quick "hi" to Lily after Ted brought her up and then did a generic thank you to everyone LIKE ?? the guy isn't even effusive about his beloved long time gf !! his love language is not in words* !!

but I also feel the need to bring smth up here bc there is a definite lean happening in some quarters of fandom into fully expecting and taking for granted Oscar's patience and maturity and ability to be happy for Lando no matter how much he's hurting or upset for himself. and I've got to raise everyone who says that the fact that Oscar is allowed to be like every other driver including Lando! he is allowed to feel frustrated or not be a perfect saint! in the earlier part of last year, Lando openly said he was uncomfortable being 'the older guy' and he frequently left Oscar in the lurch not knowing where to go or ignored Oscar to talk to or about his previous teammates. when Oscar hadn't been told the correct time for that major meeting shown in DTS, Lando was not hiding feeling fairly smug after Oscar said "is Lando already here?" and in Australia this year, Lando fully forgot to have anything to do with Oscar in what was literally Oscar’s home town and home country race to the point ! that in the podium drivers conference when a reporter brought up if Oscar was bummed about missing out on a podium, Lando stiffly said that he guessed anyone would want a podium on their home race - but he was far from sympathetic!

now before anyone thinks this is me having a go at Lando, I am not. I'm literally reminding the people who are reading too much into Oscar not saying thank you specifically to Lando in what was a much shorter and less exuberant overall race win celebration and post race video than Lando’s win was: it is not a big deal !! it is not some huge thing that Lando would even notice and that Lando has frequently chosen to not include or show gratitude to Oscar at times when we expected him to and !! it's fine because it really is fine !! 

but when Oscar is seen to not cover every single base of gratitude and inclusion for Lando, for some fans it's A Problem or A Worry. and for some people, a broader thank you to the team and not specifically to Lando** is reason why Lando should despise Oscar forever and even consider leaving McLaren like the comments sections are insaaaane bro

these are two Normal Guys who are each living their Own Careers and while it's wonderful to enjoy the things that bond them and are special about them, they are still going to be Normal! and they will not view these tiny insignificant moments where they didn’t fully acknowledge the other with any magnitude at all! they are not expecting a level of devotion to each other that certain fans are! Oscar didn’t notice or care that Lando didn’t make anything special out of his home race and their pre-race fan stage was funny and sweet! Lando didn’t notice or even assume that Oscar should thank him specifically for team orders when Lando himself didn’t thank Oscar for team orders!

like I just cannot emphasize enough the importance of separating fun rpf narratives from reality. Lando tried to mess up Carlos’ parking job before the race as a joke to get back at him over the sign the day before - and then Carlos very firmly said that Lando absolutely should have given Oscar his place back and he even commented on one of Oscar’s posts despite not following him. this does not mean Carlos and Lando are beefing or that Carlos is being mean by going out of his way for Oscar! will I run with that single comment for carcar fodder absolutely - but that is fiction! nobody's mad at anybody!

and then there's the things that don't exist in Formula 1: "Oscar shouldn't have accepted the orders" "McLaren are out to get Lando" "Lando already gets too much hate"

- Oscar apologized for his pace and complications and he gave a very subdued little speech over the radio which was very big of him (and very wrong of McLaren to put him in that position) but if someone thinks any driver including Lando would even slightly imply "nah give the win to my teammate not me" then they’re categorically living on another plane of stan-ism that I can't comprehend. Lando literally said multiple times after this race how he has been the one to benefit from strategy working in his favor - both by McLaren and other teams. he's many many times made a cheeky face or made a joke when he's gotten away with something that fans of a rival driver or team were rightfully furious about. and if a person thinks it was mean when some ppl criticized the role that serendipity played in Miami then maybe that same person shouldn't start biting chunks out of Oscar about the same thing idk !!

Lando repeatedly said how much Oscar has done for him and if his Oscar-hating stans choose to think he's wrong or lying then idk !! he's being mature and fair so like, live n learn from your idol !

and can I just echo everyone saying 'please stop comparing this to brocedes or sebmark' or honestly even charlos? I'm doing bullet lists apparently so I'll do another one lafgljsafgsa

- brocedes is entirely due to their complicated and abnormally intimate lifelong history together leading up to F1. they were already Not Normal Friends and that made for the tinderbox that was their F1 careers together. literally they were destined to have to rupture that level of intimacy if they weren't going to just like get married to each other. they always needed to turn that relationship into something milder and less intense and it would always have exploded no matter what adult lives they had. F1 just made the explosion more violent and public. there’s truly no comparing them with anyone else.

- Oscar bears no resemblance to Mark and Lando bears no resemblance to Seb. Seb as he was in his heyday was... not shy or bashful about being a madman. sebmark never once looked like landoscar and it wasn't this huge revelation that that relationship would end up where it did !!

- Charles and Carlos have a negligible career/experience gap compared to Lando and Oscar and their temperaments are as much primed for friction as Lando and Oscar's are complimentary to each other. not to like 'they're so continental!' charlos but like, their already passionate natures got thrown into a rolling boil of Italian heritage racing and it's why the whole love/hate being sides of the same coin thing always happens with them. their families are even houses alike in dignity etc etc. it's Pure Drama and Intensity and always has been, both good and bad. they’re as terrible at using PR to smooth things over as landoscar are at not even bothering with PR. when Charles and Carlos are good together they’re passionately all over each other and when they’re mad at each other it’s messy and all over the press like a warring celebrity couple. Lando and Oscar are still delicately pawing at their relationship to know what it is and they still shyly touch as if seeking permission. Lando and Oscar are so not PR friendly that even Netflix gave up on them as a narrative entirely. Charles and Carlos are Shakespeare. Lando and Oscar are Jane Austen. Ferrari is the Capulet/Montague pride before the fall. McLaren is Mrs. Bennett trying to social climb using her daughters as bait.

as someone who follows blogs for multiple diff teams and drivers, trust me I see a lot of "my opinion of him is gone forever after this!!!" about something their own fave driver did even just a few races ago and absolutely will do again. same with "the team is destroying him and favoring his teammate!" like I straight up will see that said by each teammate's fanbase of the same team about the same race. this happens at different times throughout the season in every single team I follow - it even happened w Williams of all teams (tho so far that's just the once).

I'm a fake so obv I'm not going to weigh in myself but my cousins and their friends who watch F1 on the app at my house - and who aren't represented ethnically by any driver or team so they don't have bias - always have a much more calm and nuanced take. they assume every driver is out for themselves and by that very fact alone, teams have to take sides when the gap closes. and !! that millionaires doing an elite sport aren't experiencing mental distress over this sport the way common people experience distress over real life !! they go and bury their "woes" in extravagant luxury and an entire army of hugely biased family, supporters and fanbases all of whom think said driver deserves everything.

and that it takes truly heinous betrayal or outright evil to make these guys hate each other with any serious level of depth bc they all know they're The Selfish Asshole just as easily as the other guy. 

so I personally trust their takes on things and it's probably why I've always assumed Lando and Oscar would be Normal and have their little tiffs like everyone else does. bc it's rule one of making it to this level of the sport that you have to think selfishly. straight up I'm astounded at how quickly they've both been able to shake that 'visors down' mentality that Andrea referenced in the post race video and see the bigger picture and not be The Asshole to each other. 

and overall I don’t mind my dash being a warzone of wild accusations immediately after a race bc everyone usually calms down.

but there are certain things I just do not want on my dash and it's actually not related to what driver a person hates or not....

because while it's silly to see any of these privileged little princes as A Victim and Would Never Do That To Their Teammate (which would honestly get you laughed at by said driver) it's pretty common biased fan behavior. even tho Lando literally kept reminding people that Oscar's swallowed his own pride over things for Lando's benefit many times and that he (Lando) has been on the receiving end of podiums that came from strategies working in his favor (McLaren’s and that of other teams).

and like the idea that Oscar is now some heinous human being bc he's behaving like every other driver including Lando by Lando's own admission is hysterical. the idea that F1 teams are ever in any way benevolent kindly forces or that F1 drivers have anything akin to 'selflessness' over race wins is hysterical.

but where I draw a line is stanning for men in this sport so hard to the point of insane amounts of agonized doomposting and biased venomous rage. sorry but most of us don't want our precious time wasted agonizing over which self-confessed selfish millionaire in a sport founded on and maintained by pure elitism is feeling So Bad and So Sad! that he runs off to be comforted by a beautiful woman/women and adoring family and coddling hangers-on and legions of worshiping, wholly biased fans and millions of dollars on gigantic yachts because the absurdly unnecessary sport he gets to do isn't "looking after him well enough" or "prioritizing his happiness" !!!!?????? 

like fuck I'm a callous bitch ig but I'm not feeling an ounce of genuine upset whenever one of these men experiences a level of "my sport makes me sad". "oh but it's all they've known !! it's all relative !! money and privilege don’t equal happiness and privileged men suffer too !!" oh stfu no it doesn't and no they're not like stockholm syndrom victims and if they're so unhappy then they can put on their big boy boots and take their money and go fucking do something else holy SHITTTTT 

am I not here for allowing any portion of my human empathy to go to a fuuucCKING F1 driver jeeeeeeesusss. all of these men fully have the potential to get metoo’d or exposed about smth bc they're all capable of doing awful things by the time they're in F2 -male pro athletes are NOT objectively safe spaces to hang human morality or to assign automatic grace and good intent - let alone bleed pain or feel sadness for their race results or issues with their teams.

there is no acceptable moral relativity for me and these men and this sport are only of interest to me as a hyperfixation that gives me enjoyment in the form of narratives and a very specific, surface degree of enjoyment.

it’s fine if Lando or Oscar feel their feelings of frustration or anger etc but no way in hell am I going to feel remotely sad for them ??? they’re fine ?? there are genuinely sad things in my life and in the world and millionaires wanting trophies and points isn’t among them !! I’m not entwining my day-to-day happiness in any way with what they get up to and I’ll take what I can enjoy from them and ignore everything else.

and to wrap up this epic which I’m only indulging in bc I do feel like my blog sometimes seems like I’m pushing my own silly narratives on others and genuinely I’m not intending to - most of the reason I actually got drawn to landoscar and wanted to engage in fandom about them is precisely because their real life non-rpf dynamic is so unusually mature and considerate and not toxic or like, at all even overtly masculine. yea I originally got drawn into f1blr for the usual bromance rpf types like carland0 and dand0 etc but I didn’t rly care enough to engage in any way. 

but I think this is why I know that the ppl wanting Lando and Oscar to become this insane toxic mess are going to keep raging with disappointment - kind of like how I knew Lando and Max would be perfect again after just a few days while so many ppl hoped it was the start of some battle royale to last years that would end their close friendship. and why I knew Logan and Alex would end up with a genuine, heartfelt friendship when so many ppl assumed Alex would see Logan as one foot out the door and just wait to bond with a more worthy teammate. now we’ve got Alex saying how he and Lily casually talk about Logan for no reason at all and their friendship surviving Alex being given Logan’s car <3

I genuinely don’t bullshit myself into enjoying dynamics unless they feel real - so whatever friction I ever sense between Lando and Oscar as a result of them pushing each other to be the best they can be and helping to bring McLaren from the back of the field to WCC contender, isn’t at odds with them being gentle and unusually private and earnestly aware of each other. bromances were always Lando’s PR insurance with his other two teammates - a nice bandaid to cover moments where cracks showed or Lando didn’t hide his emotions enough. it’s something a lot of teammates use for the same purpose. but Lando and Oscar deciding to forgo that and have their little privacy door to shut out everyone else but each other from their drivers rooms, and how they will be doing interviews and then get distracted talking to each other over things that only interest them, and traveling and hanging out together without giving McLaren PR any material to use… like that’s a lovely, tender little unpretentious narrative to enjoy. watching them tiptoe so cautiously around an almighty cockup on McLaren’s pitwall side and Lando trying to pull himself up out of murky defeat for Oscar and Oscar deciding to celebrate so modestly because what a mess that ending was for them both. 

like I just don’t see a need for trying to invent ways to be unhappy or miserable or fabricate a doomed anything when they’re both still so sweet <3 <3 (and honestly it’s the same old tune of McLaren’s strategy needing a swift smack around the head)

tysm babe and I hope this one helped as well <3<3

[slowdripsunrise]

jfc okay so i have forgotten/been too lazy to write up reveiws here i apparently havent updated since. lone women which is well. so ive read a shit ton since then so i'm going try my best to write up as much as i can in this post bc i don't want to just. stop and skip over stuff. so well. here we go. spoilers for various books under the cut, i'll tag them all !

first book i finished after i last updated was silver nitrate by silvia moreno-garcia. been a while but damn do i remember the fucking vibes. absolutely killer vibes and atmosphere, and the plot was fun and interesting; i do remember being a bit confused in one of the final scenes fighting the guy but it wasnt enough to take me out of the story. the characters felt real and i could feel their love of movies and maybe each other off the page, definitely recommend if you're looking for an atmospheric, creepy little book.

next (and i'll just group these together) i read the poppy war trilogy by r. f. kuang ! absolutely wonderful storytelling and the characters were interesting and loveable. i think that this story succeeds in being one of the few good "war stories" as in it doesn't glorify or make light of any aspects of the war. there are good moments and bright spots throughout, but in the end pretty much every single character we know and love ends up dead, and before they're dead, they've been shaped so thoroughly by the war around them that there is no way anyone could have come out of this series thinking that it in any way romanticized the events. i loved everything about it and more. but while i did love the series. tbh i don't agree with everyone saying that its the most serious and intellectual and groundbreaking book in the entire world. yes it is groundbreaking and yes it is based on a lot of real life horrific events, but it's also. extremely entertaining. it's written beautifully and has some very poignant scenes that i love, and i am gonna be honest i lost where i was going with this point. i think what i'm trying to say is like before i read it, i saw a lot of people on the internet saying that it is like. the highest peak of literature and such and like. for me, it's mostly just a damn good time. i go into most books looking for entertainment (meaning like. i would like to feel emotions, not necessarily happy ones, just emotions in general) and what i think a lot of people made it seem like, was ONLY an epic tome about the brutality of war, the military, and colonization. and it absolutely is about that ! i am not docking points for it being about those things, in fact if it hadn't had all these hard hitting topics i wouldn't have liked it as much. but it's ALSO about rin, kitay, and nezha, and how they love and hate each other. and sometimes i think people lean too much into one aspect of the book, one way or the other (i have absolutely seen the inverse of this, people forgetting about the colonialism and militarization aspects in an impressive show of hypocrisy. which... is worse imo.) but idk. i have no idea what i am trying to say i just like this book yall.

next oml. okay again grouping them together for my own sake but i read the southern reach trilogy by jeff vandermeer ! this series was such a creepy and weird and offputting good time i ate that shit right up. the first book and the biologists pov are my favorites, and all of the insight we get from her and the first book into area x was just. so compelling i could not put that shit down. i'm pretty sure the second i finished in the hospital lol i was INVESTED. and honestly. i did really like the second book. not as much as the first, but i don't think it was bad or underwhelming compared to the first. once i got past the pov shift, i really liked controls pov partly because he is just some guy. like he is just so average and banal, and seeing this set against the absurdity of the rest of the book was really interesting. i liked how even though we weren't IN area x, the southern reach still had that otherworldly and offputting suspenseful energy, even in a familiar setting (office building type i mean. as opposed to weird as fuck forest). that and also i am deep into my f1 phase so like i kept picturing control as checo perez. like hes just so guy to me like hes just a normal guy that has no fucking clue whats going on and thats really funny and awesome to me. like man. anyway the third wasnt my favorite, but i still really like the series as a whole and will probably read the 4th one coming out whenever it does.

NEXT. sharks in the time of saviors by kawai strong washburn. did i cry. maybe. did i really like the story. yes. it was definitely a change of pace for me after reading the above books but the story was lovely and magical and engaging and very sad and i enjoyed every bit of it.

after that i read scattered all over the earth by yōko tawada, which is a story that i kinda have mixed feelings about? i listened to the audio book and the narrator did such a wonderful job, i loved listening to the two man characters talk about language in the mc's made up language, panska. and if the book was just about that, i probably would have liked it more, exploring language and the loss of it; however one of the side characters constantly get's misgenders when the story is outside of her pov. and it's like. really fucking distracting. so like i guess i don't have very mixed feelings about it lol. i liked one bit, definitely did not like another bit, and the rest of the book wasn't really strong enough to sway me back into the "i like this book and think it's interesting" camp. although if you can get past the blatant transphobia, the audio book really is nice to listen to, especially coming off a post surgery high.

next i read the ghost bride by yangsze choo ! this was another really atmospheric, palpable book. i could feel the setting, the humidity, the smells, all of it and it was so good! an engaging story, i'm pretty sure i read this one in a day or two. the characters were fun, the plot moved quickly in a way that made sense, and exploring the realms of the dead and the living with the characters was so fun, definitely recommend !

im gonna wrap this post up here mostly bc im hungry but i still have a lot more to update on ! if u made it this far thank you and also im sorry. happy reading!

[wikiangela]

watching 911 lone star 4x10

spoilers under the cut

I liked the last two episodes but tbh I'm kinda not feeling the show anyway lately, like I'm not excited about the new episodes or anything idk - this show is slowly losing me sns 😂 (like, I've been putting off this episode and I kinda don't wanna watch it rn but I'm gonna bc I'll stick out at least this season 😂)

okay, time to watch it hah:

Tommy looks gorgeous as always 😍

oh my god that eye thing was so gross, I could not even look at the screen 🤢

is Pearce the dude that worked with them for a minute a while ago? i would never remember this dude if they didn't remind us in that HR episode (and I had to google him then to know who they're talking about 😂) why is he back wtf

this is so annoying 😂

oh my god Grace looks stunning 😍😍😍😍

"serial killer, it was my dad that had the stalker" lmao their lives are crazy 😂 and the way TK said it so calmly and casually 😂

I can't take my eyes off of Grace jfc she looks AMAZING 😍😍🔥

I feel like I've seen the actress who plays Kendra somewhere but can't put my finger on it

so... a new love interest for Owen or just a one time thing? tbh I couldn't care less but I miss Amy Acker 😂

aw, Nancy telling Mateo the plot of a book, and he's so excited 😍 look at them, so adorable 😍

ngl I'm kinda bored rn 😂

okay, the whole Owen thing with Kendra paying him is pretty funny, even if I'm annoyed that we're back to focusing on Owen after literally just one episode where he took the backseat

"I may be easy but no one, and I mean no one, has to pay for it" 😂 that got an actual out loud laugh out of me ngl 😂😂😂

oh shit I knew this was gonna happen as soon as I saw the tubes - and it seems like this episode is more focused on medical emergencies and I like that tbh

Grace really is the mvp of this whole show 😂 we need more of her

(also, can we get more of the dispatchers, like, I don't even know anyone's name but Grace, we rarely see her interact with others, and I can't help compare with the og where they have a few recurring characters who are dispatchers🙄)

they're literally racing in ambulances 😂 this is so funny lol

I'm loving another episode where Tommy is a petty queen lmao, I love seeing this side of her 😂

ugh I just do not give a fuck about Kendra and the whole Owen thing 😩 (playback speed 2x, can't get through it otherwise)

the fact that she keeps paying him is funny, but other than that it's just such a fucking boring plotline 😂

oh shit, I did not expect the Paragon ambulance to explode 😂 that took me by surprise 😂

I do not care about Kendra or her sad backstory or whatever

ha, Paragon's getting sued lmao, good 😂

"karma is a beautiful thing" yes it is, Tommy 😂

and that's the episode

idk, this season kinda flactuates for me, it was whatever, got better, then another few meh episode, two great ones, and now it's whatever again 💁🏻‍♀️

BUT I'm watching the promo and next episode will focus on Mateo more??? hell yeah!! I'm so happy they're starting to give screen time to others - maybe this season can be great yet 😂

it was an okay episode, but not one of my faves 😂 I enjoyed Tommy and Nancy and TK and that side of things, and the few moments we got of Nancy and Mateo were adorable, but other than that it was kinda whatever 😂

looking forward to the next one tho haha

[justabigoldnerd]

Actually for this one I'm gonna scream here instead of the tags because it is my ALL TIME FAVORITE AND I WILL NEVER BE OVER HOW FUCKING PERFECT IT IS IT MAKES MY CHEST ACHE ITS SO PERFECT but I will put it under the cut because if you haven't seen this edit yet you need to go in blind, it's SO FUCKING PHENOMENAL

OKAY OKAY SO THE PACING OF THE FUCKING INTRO FOR ONE HOLY SHIT

"IVE BEEN LEFT ALL ALONE" AS ILLYA GETTING DROPPED ASHDGJSKSMSNS

I am so incredibly unwell over all of Illya's pain and how it's represented here, ESPECIALLY the shell-shocked, grief-stricken look on his face for "I wish it was over" because he DOES HE DOES WISH IT WAS OVER SHDHJSJGSJKSS SOBBING AND THEN I WISH YOU WERE HERE BEING HIM GOING UP TO SOLO'S ROOM????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭

The. Fucking. Shots in the dark. Being

A) Solo throwing the watch and

B) every time they save each other

Has me SOBBING ON THE FLOOR because all of those instances ARE shots in the dark, they're taking chances with impossible odds, doing things that SHOULD NOT HAVE ENDED WELL BUT THEY DID

"AND IT HURTS" WHEN SOLO IS RECIEVING THE SAME ORDERS, THEN "HURTS ME SO BAD" WHEN HE'S TURNING TO REACH FOR THE GUN/WATCH AKDHSHKSHSJSKSJSHKSKSHS

God that whole verse about "I've lost all my faith in this damn bitter strife" is SO FUCKING HIMMMMM JFC

THE SECOND I WISH IT WAS OVER BEING SOLO IN THE CHAIR BECAUSE HE DOES WISH THIS WAS OVER SOBBINGGGGG AND THEN

AND FUCKING THEN

I WISH YOU WERE HERE BEING ILLYA TO THE RESCUE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ITS ALL IN MY HANDS OVER ILLYA'S SHAKING, BLOODIED HAND IN FRONT OF SOLO'S DOOR??? HELLO???????

And then ENDING ON THE MOTHERFUCKING DIADEMA EXPLOSION FUCKING GENIUS IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS

Shot In The Dark

[chaddicus]

y’know not to sound bitter or anything but I rly wish that, instead of so many ppl assuming caleb was in love with astrid alone & completely forgetting that there was... also eodwulf.... and I don’t fuckin remember caleb saying he was only in love with one person specifically..... like I’m pretty sure he was very vague and only said “I fell in love” and very SPECIFICALLY didn’t offer anything more when beau/nott pressed him for who it was... I wish some folks would look at all this evidence and go ‘oh yeah he was definitely in love with both of them wasn’t he’

and like. sure he’s only mentioned astrid so far in that one single drunk line, but that doesn’t actually say shit??? it confirms that, if nothing else, he used to dance with astrid. based on his previous statements, we infer that this means he was in love with her. sure! probably! that’s a vaild conclusion to draw at this point! but that’s not, imo, a line that would have gone differently either way, w caleb being in love with eodwulf as well or not

and anyway even if it comes up later that yeah okay, he was only in love with astrid and eodwulf was a friend or maybe a friendly rival or maybe some sort of shitty love triangle idk,,, 90% of the point of shipping isn’t just??? for canon??? and I don’t get y no one is hopping on the caleb/astrid/eodwulf train??? like. why

I know it’s not bc the fandom’s suddenly super str8 and against the prospect of caleb with a dude bc we still have widomauk for like, #1 campaign 2 ship or something (tho u could argue for lesbophobia there since beauyasha has had... way more development and outright shit in the show and yet,,,), so I mean the only thing I can think of is that, despite the prevalence of polymachina last time around, which actually WASN’T as prevalent as it felt like, but simply more so than poly in other fandoms, despite that, people can’t imagine a poly relationship unless they’ve decided they like the individual pairings involved and don’t want to choose,, and canon would have to punch them in the face for them to accept a poly relationship they weren’t actively seeking out, and just

ppl ignore poly stuff so often. it’s not like. it’s not like homophobia or biphobia or whatever it’s not on that scale I’m not complaining about it like that but it bothers me so much tbh. like. poly ships are so good, I feel them so deeply, and I have only ever seen ONE instance of a canon poly relationship, and that’s in a movie about real actual people who really actually had that relationship (and it was such a good movie, professor marston and the wonder women, go find it y’all missed out) so the possibility, here, that maybe liam wrote it into caleb’s backstory, that maybe, after the heartbreaking shit with vax and keyleth and gilmore, he might have decided to put caleb in a poly relationship of similar makeup (f/m/m), the idea of that has me feeling almost overwhelmed! and honestly I feel like I’m not entirely speculating based off bullshit! I feel like there is some actual basis for my feelings outside of just my feelings! but I’ve only seen like. ONE other person even acknowledge the idea

it’s not even that I like the characters and want this specific relationship. we know nothing about eodwulf and astrid except that they did the same horrible stuff caleb did and caleb had to flee on his own, so they probably kept doing it. but it’s like. people are hopping onto the assumption of caleb/astrid with no trouble! they might not be actively shipping it (or they might! idk!) but they’re sorting it into their assumptions of canon. & They’re completely ignoring the prospect of the poly alternative. like why??would liam include eodwulf and astrid both if caleb just fell in love with astrid and said nothing else?? why would he be so vague and dodgy about specifying who he fell in love with when pressed??? why would he avoid just saying ‘I fell in love with astrid’???? what’s the fucking point of skipping that specific detail??? why would he be happy to say he fell in love but not say he fell in love with astrid????? if it’s a poly relationship that vagueness makes a lot more sense & I can understand why caleb wouldn’t want to talk about it!!!!! but honestly I can’t imagine him being so mysterious about it if he was just in a normal ordinary plain str8 m/f relationship (not to imply that m/f relationships are inherently str8 it’s just the principle here, that people are so quick to jump on this m/f ship over the m/m and f/m/m in this specific case, that the concept of a bi/pan/polysexual caleb being in love with both astrid and eodwulf is just so beyond what they can believe, that they don’t even think of it)

and I’m emotional right now and not rational so whatever but I’ve been feeling bad and okay maybe I am a little bitter but mostly I’m just sad

[kim-ruzek]

I like Pelham and the actor, but I'm disappointed that Fire decided to add another straight white male character (I will note that I'm just assuming he's straight, so you never know) after they had already added Hawkins.

I don't understand why they wouldn't have gotten a POC, WOC or anyone from an underrepresented community. It would have been nice to see a woman leading 51 in Stella's absence. And now it seems they have put Pelham and Hawkins at the forefront whilst neglecting their minority characters like Cruz (honestly, where has he gone; where has the PTSD storyline gone), Ritter and even Gallo with his lack of growth.

Out of all the OC shows and even some Dick Wolf shows in general, Fire does a decent job at diversity, but they need to realise that having one or two characters from each underrepresented community isn't enough.

First, I thank you for your patience about me getting around to this! I've put a lot of it under a cut because it got a lil long (which is like sxghjkkl bc I have so much more that I could say!) and I hope it makes you feel less alone in your disappointment ❤️

I agree with all of this, it's exactly the kind of things I've been thinking about myself. Like I adore Brett Dalton and I mean adore. When I heard he was gonna be playing Pelham I'm not ashamed to admit I immediately hoped SO much that he'd be sticking around-- and as a good character-- because I love him that much.

So while them choosing to cast *this* white actor takes the edge off my annoyance a little bit because at least it's a talented actor, but honestly it still pisses me off that jfc they didn't even appear to think about hiring a POC/WOC???!! I think especially on the heels of adding Hawkins.

Like Hawkins himself-- why is he white? Like okay I love him and adore his storyline with Violet-- especially bc it's giving Violet a much better love interest!-- so I'm not exactly annoyed by *his* presence but I am so, so disappointed that fire didn't chose to hire a poc.

And honestly I'm disappointed in fire in general; there's now three new characters that are getting introduced this season (the third being the paramedic rumoured to be stepping in for Sylvie) and they've *ALL* been fucking white??? Because apparently there's no way there's gonna be any poc who will be in those jobs right? 🙄 I could excuse one, but three? That's dropping the ball.

I agree that Fire (especially in the past) has done a decent job at diversity. Honestly it's while that technically pd is my favourite, because burzek are my otp, objectively fire was too. Because their diversity, the way they care about the community, their family interactions... It was so good. I mean obviously not perfect and it had Issues but depending it's created and ran largely by white men, it was good.

But, as a post in my drafts say but I'll make the point here instead, Fire is going the same way pd has already years ago. Objectively, pd is so shitty and literally so fucking terrible at diversity and racial issues (not to mention queer issues 🙄) but fire's always had that edge of being good. Except they've really gone downhill.

A big issue is-- and this actually goes for pd, too-- that they lost their poc and non American characters. So already when you look at the cast all lined up, it no longer looks like an incredibly diverse firehouse. I mean yes, it's not all white, but they lost Mills, Gabby, Emily and Otis. And what's more, they didn't exactly aim to replace them with more minorities. (To a degree, I know, I'm not going to get into a debate about the technicality of who replaced who!)

So they start with a nice diverse main cast (even if their secondary characters were all white), and what's more is they had that mix of cultures threaded in throughout the house-- even down to who's the best cooks and what they cook. This, even if there was only a handful of minorities, helped to bring that atmosphere of Diversity and togetherness.

The best places I've ever been in are ones where there is a lovely mix of cultures. I mean obviously I'm not white so I just feel more comfortable around other minorities, and I'm from a very diverse city. Which is why I like Chicago, and one Chicago, because a lot of the things can be similar to home (just with the caveat that I don't have a big latino population). And I liked that feel that early CF had.

A mix of cultures in one pot, it's truly one of the best things ever, especially bc us minorities are so much more likely to be accepting of one another. And while this wasn't really ever as at the forefront of the show like I'd say do, it was so good depending the white creators and white leads.

But when they lost their actors, they not only physically, from how the cast looks, lost a lot of their diversity, but they lost that vibe. And that's a big factor in how this feels even more disappointing, because they already only have a few poc and just keeps adding white characters, but they've rid us of that feeling. And because they're not really making sure to keep that vibe, they're not thinking about it in the casting room-- which means they don't remember that hey, we should hire people who aren't, y'know, white.

It's the opportunities they could take and ignores that creates this disappointment. As you've said, why couldn't we have a woc to lead the 51, especially after last season with them talking about how incredible it is to have woc in charge. And I mean, okay, I get it to a degree-- they want the first black woman lieutenant in charge to be Stella. (And by get it I mean I get that white men feel that it's more special that way bc they see two black women as two black women first, not two individuals whereas we don't). So... Make the lieutenant latina. Chicago has such a big latino as well as black so if they don't want to use a black actor bc of Stella... There's still a non white option!!! But instead they choose... A white man, who's presumed straight.

And honestly, these things I might be able to get pass if, as you put, they didn't neglect their pre-existing poc over Pelham and Hawkins!! Like Ritter is nothing but a plot device in gallo's immaturity, and Cruz... I'm so mad about them fading out his storyline. Honestly the way before these seasons aired the productions amped up Kim's and Cruz's respective storylines only to drop them has already pissed me off, but to have them choose to ignore a moc's struggles, even more as he approaches fatherhood which can be a trigger to bring up deep repressed issues? It's like why did they even bother!!!

And idek what's up with Gallo. Like why bring in more white characters when you're doing nothing with this one? And that's another thing that annoyed me about the Pelham thing-- so it was shown early on that Stella took a kinda mentoring role to Gallo, and they could've had her leave some notes for who came to fill in (although yes technically he filled in for Matt) and like we could see Pelham doing things recommended-- and getting to see what amazing work Stella does despite her not being on our screen- getting them to keep shining a light on their woc even when the actress was taking a break.

And it just pisses me off even more that they reintroduced seager and she's nothing but a useless flirt. Like way to demonise, writers!

All these points can kinda link into pd, too, and I'm just gonna talk about that for a moment although I will be making a separate post about it. I was going to include these points in the paragraphs talking about it in fire but I thought I'd just add it on here on the end in case people just wanted to focus on CF.

The loosing of poc: honestly this is an even bigger problem in pd then it is in fire. Because one) fire has more than one, and two) they have done somewhat more of loosing a poc and swapping them with another (although there's inherent problems with that too). But pd, we always had basically none, and then whenever they lost characters, they just... Didn't replace them.

Kevin is literally the only poc and his storyline is only ever about being black-- and it's not even done well!!! Yes points are poignant, but overall it's just so exhausting and honestly overdue. And they wrote off Antonio, got rid of Rojas with no mention, and now... The Latino community apparently doesn't exist, and the black community only exists when they remember about Kevin.

And fun fact writers, just because we (poc) disappear from your minds as soon as you think you've done your quota, doesn't mean we actually disappear in real life! We're still here, watching your show, seeing our issues get made a mockery of. Like no, things don't stop just because the focus is on this character today. It's an ongoing thing, and it's a thing that white people-- no matter how hard they try-- will never ever know how it feels. You can't, not unless you have the skin we have, not unless you grow up feeling the way people look at you from day fucking one. The closest white people will ever get is when they're parents to non-white kids, but even that will never quite be the same.

And obviously a lot of this is Eid's fault. I mean pd was still a fucking disaster pre-eid, but it was better. But Eid came in, killed characters and did nothing to hire others after or discuss racial issues until, y'know, George Floyd happened.

And it's not just about poc, and our communities that's been overlooked and ignored. It's the potential about other underrepresented communities. Like Hailey. She's Greek, her grandparents or great grandparents were probably immigrants, or if not, her family grew up around Greek immigrants and in that culture. And when she's introduced, there's literally another Greek character in the show but do they jump on the chance to use that to integrate her and the multi-cultural life in Chicago? Nope! She brings Greek donuts once and then it's like Greek? Me? Oh no way.

And it's even more important because Hailey is "American passing". You look at her, and you look at her name, and the average person won't see the enriching Greek culture. (I'm not saying btw that Greeks have to look a certain way, they don't, but I'm just pointing out that the average white person who's not knowledgeable in cultures will not associate all the uniqueness Hailey could bring, the opinions she'd have).

I'm not even gonna touch upon Makayla in this post, mostly because I've got others I'm gonna dedicate to just her because it's complicated, but the whole fucking way they've handled that is just so so bad and I can't even understand the people who said that the writing from Eid taking over to him stepping down being good.

I'm gonna stop this here now, especially before I go into ranting about Jay and Voight and even more before I start ranting about some areas of this fandom!

Anyway!!! Sorry (again) that this took so long to get around too, and I'm sorry most of what I've answered isn't insights but just me ranting but thank you so much for sending this. It's everything I think, and it makes me feel less alone, especially because it can feel like I'm a little bit crazy in this fandom bc of things like this and getting sent this by another poc makes me feel better (By the way, this whole time I've been assuming you're also a poc but if you're not, I'm guessing you're from an underrepresented community yourself bc your wording just shows that!)

Feel free to come into my inbox whenever, and I can promise I'll try and answer you sooner 🤣

[crossovereddie]

Actually, here is an alternative thing for you to occupy your time with, and a question I have been meaning to ask you for a while. I have finished 911 finally! So I'm ready for the new season. And I wonder, realistically, what do you think the roadmap would be for a buddie endgame?

I absolutely see how their story has been framed and filmed in a lot of parallels to how a romantic storyline would be set out. But there has been no outright mention of either of them being bi - although the conversation about Maddy setting Buck up with whassisface was very casual and could very easily have been an example of canonically bi Buck - and they are both at the end of season 4 in 'relationships' with women.

So, in your estimation, what's the timeline? What's the transition? How do they go about this and how long does it take? I wanna know your thoughts 👀

okay yes i have lots of thoughts on this and it's actually one of my fave questions i get asked. I've always watched a lot of tv shows so I'm just estimating on what I've seen before and what I would personally do. IMO this love story is a slow burn. We only have four seasons so far and only three of those seasons have Eddie in them. This unsurprisingly got long so ill put it under the cut.

So I'll go by seasons bc to me its important to look at everything that has happened so far by seasons and by love interests and not as a whole. Its the best way i can form a timeline that I think would make the most sense and why

S1: So we don't get any hints at Buck being anything other than straight and I think this is because he was supposed to be. They hadn't planned for Eddie yet and they definitely hadn't planned for the chemistry Oliver and Ryan were gonna have. S1 Buck was this reckless kid who didn't take anything serious. He was definitely super immature. Then he meets Abby and he starts to get serious about his job and his love life. I'm not gonna say "Abby changed him" because she didnt. He saw the person he was and the person he was becoming and decided on that change himself.

S2: Eddie!!!! So we get introduced to this army medic turned firefighter in the least heterosexual way. Then Buck is angry because Eddie is hot and really good at his job. they work together and Eddie compliments Buck and now they're smiley bffs. Seriously wtf was all that? Anyway this is all sus bc from what ive seen before in other shows when a main love interest leaves and a new main character replaces them, that means something. JLH replaced Connie Britton as far as big name actress but i really believe Eddie replaced Abby as far as importance in Buck's life. Do i think they brought him in with the intentions of turning him into a LI? No but they sure fueled the narrative from the get go. I think they saw fans reactions and started testing the waters.

Moving on to LIs in this season. We find out Eddie has a kid and the mother is not in the picture (eddie made sure buck knew that right away). Then later on we find out he's technically still married. shannon comes back and we get Eddie finally getting to confront this head on. He tries to get his family back together for the sake of his son. Its big for Eddie's character bc all he does and all he's ever done is for his son. Then Shannon asks for a divorce then she dies bringing this arc to an abrupt end and leaving eddie heartbroken.

meanwhile Buck is still waiting for Abby. Then he finally accepts that shes not coming back and decides to move on. He goes right back to being "Buck 1.0" with Taylor and feels bad about himself because that really isnt him anymore. He wants a real relationship. So then Ali calls and asks him on an actual date and he agrees. This is his first try at a relationship after a heartbreak. in tv these don't usually work out but are used to develop the main character's growth. We don't really see much of her but she breaks up with him so.

S3: This is Eddie finally dealing with his feelings/guilt season. This is also the season I think we really see how important Buck is to the Diaz boys. S2 had cute buckley-diaz family moments but those could still be interpreted as a best friend and his best friend's kid. This season though... after the tsunamic episode was when i really started to fully believe buddie was going canon. This season is solidifying their bond not only as Buck and Eddie but as Buck Eddie and Christpher. As I'm writing this I realized neither of them really has a love interest in this season do they? Ana is introduced but then is clearly presented as definitely NOT the right choice for eddie and especially for Chris. Then they counter that with Buck helping Eddie build a skateboard for Chris that he can use as opposed to Ana's ablest remarks about how he can't do it so just move on to something else. Then we get Buck's reaction in Eddie Begins. Buck has seen his team his friends his family get hurt on the job before but he has never reacted the way he did when it was Eddie in danger. Again solidifying just how much these two mean to each other. Don't even get me started on this season being when Eddie changes his will offscreen. Anyway we get Abby back and Buck finally gets the closure from that relationship that he needs to move forward into a serious relationship.

Now S4: jfc s4....IMO this is the only logical season to get the ball rolling on Buddie and they sure did that with 4x14 despite everything else. So i never thought they would be the first serious relationship for each other after the heart break theyve both experienced. It wouldn't be fair to their character developments. Buck tries dating Veronica and that clearly doesnt work but we know hes now open to dating again. We get Buck Begins where we see why Buck is the dare devil he is. The only way he got his parents attention as a kid was to put himself in danger. They bring back taylor and how to they ultimately get together after she friendzones him? She thinks hes in danger and suddenly wants him. As much as i hate it this is really gonna be a relationship where Buck finally stands up for himself and sees his own worth and realizes he deserves more. He deserves someone who sees him and loves him for who he is. He deserves to be chosen, something Abby Ali his parents dont do and what i think taylor wont end up doing. I feel like shes gonna choose her career over him. Maybe not in a "I'm breaking up with you" way but maybe she takes a new job and want to do LD (hes tried that twice and it didnt work for him. hes not gonna want that) or she could ask him to go with her but he wont. His family is in LA. His job is in LA. Eddie and Chris are in LA and he won't leave them. Then we have Eddie finally deciding to move on and try dating again so they bring back ana. To me it's not gonna work out so I'm not bothered at all lmao. It's interesting that they'd choose her though. Someone we already know Eddie doesn't trust with his son. There's also more buckley-diaz family scenes of them being coparents. The hildy episode, Chris running to Buck when hes mad at eddie, Buck being the one to tell Chris Eddie got hurt, then Buck staying with Chris and taking on the guardian role without him even knowing just how much that role really does belong to him. He didn't do it out of obligation. He didn't do it because he was asked to. He did it because he thought it would be best for Chris. Finally to 4x14. This is by far the biggest "Oh shit this is it. This is the beginning of buddie". We find out Eddie changed his will a year ago and has just been sitting on this info. I think Eddie knew back then what it meant but he wasn't in the right mindset to accept what it means so he kept it to himself. I think he finally started allowing himself to go there during treasure hunt. The man was jealous yall. Carla coming back and her comment about doing whats best for him and not chris is his oh shit moment. I think he wouldve broken up with Ana a few days after that if he had the time lol. He gets caught up in the mother/son sl then this poor mf gets shot by a sniper. The way that whole scene was filmed btw was not in a bff way. That was a lover watching his beloved almost die in front of him. Buck again puts himself down and Eddie decides this is the moment. He needs Buck to see how important he is. He wants buck to know how loved he is. So he sits there talking himself up to it and finally lets Buck know just how big of a part he is in Eddie's family. Buck's previous scene is him saying he wants someone who wants him back then here is Eddie saying he needs him...Chris needs him. wtf.

So with S5: I think Eddie knows and Buck has a feeling but he's not sure so what i would do is spend s5 with Eddie basically showing Buck his feelings but not exactly getting in the way of Buck's new relationship because Buck has to be the one to make that choice. Id also have chris feeling the different shift with buck having a gf like he did with Eddie. This newfound info wasnt just dropped on us for a "Aww so sweet" moment. This will business is gonna be a part of a bigger storyline. I'm hoping its with Eddie's family during maybe 5b.

So what I think would be the best timeline for canon buddie is 5a eddie already having either broken up with ana or is gonna break up with her, Buck choosing himself and ending things with Taylor by midseason finale, them bringing in Eddie's family in 5b and maybe then being when Eddie confesses his feelings for Buck. Then 6a we could get them walking on egg shells around each other not really knowing what to do bc this is all so new for both of them. This could bring just the right amount of comedy and angst especially them awkward and flustered around each other at work. A big blowup can happen between them for added angst (maybe an arguement before one of them or both of them is put in danger) then a midseason finale kiss. Then trying to find the balance between their personal relationship and their work relationship during 6b.

I don't know how long Fox shows last but procedurals can last a long time. I'm not sure thats gonna be the case for 911 especially with all the main cast staying that long so i think this would give us at least a whole season (S7) of canon buddie.

As far as then being presented as straight, there's been more seeds planted about buck being bi. A few i can remember off the top of my head: all of 2x1 lmao, maddie's comment about bucks boy crush on eddie, buck hinting at thinking eddie is cute when he thinks maddie is talking about him, the christmas elf, the comments on the instagram livestream, idk if youve watched it or not but TK's comment to Buck in the crossover episode, and like you mentioned Maddie's casual comment about setting him up with Josh. All we really know about Eddie's love life is he married Shannon when they were young and is trying with Ana so it could turn into a whole storyline for him.

I'm so sorry this is so long and took forever but i I hope i actually answered your question and didnt just get lost in rambles lmao.

[freetobeafcknriot]

so, i just saw 15x08 dubbed in my mother language. i'm gonna rant under the cut, i really NEED TO RANT BECAUSE—

unfortunately, my screen recorder crashed at some point, i'll see if i can download the episode in a few days because y'know, REASONS, but let me tell you that even though fabrizio de flaviis cannot compare with the emotion jake poured into every line it was good and! and! and!

when dean questioned adam about his and michael's relationship adam said: "ci siamo avvicinati nella gabbia, e sostenuti a vicenda," WHICH MEANS: "we grew close in the cage, and we supported/were there for each other." like, they didn't keep the midam/saileen parallel but they made adam say with ease that, "we grew close". OKAY.

i don't have the clip where they talk about god but i have many feelings about it because while in english adam approaches michael with patience and matter-of-factly (and i prefer the original version, mind you), in italian he sounds different. i guess it's because fabrizio's voice is smoother and honey-like so he still sounds young (not season 5 young, the difference's there, but still), point is — when adam and michael talked, it was like listening to a married couple to me. i'm not kidding, there was so much affection and ease i wouldn't have batted an eye if they'd straight up added something like honey, darling, sweetheart. they sounded that domestic even in the middle of an argument jfc

so yeah, the scene was good: michael's voice was spot on too, the way it cracked when he snapped and admitted his feelings about god... man! and adam went from lowkey-flirty and patient to concerned and understanding. i cannot

i also need a moment to drop dean's line, which translates into: "i know we abandoned you, but there is nothing that can be done to make up for it now." i mean— it was like saying 'just get over it', so when michael came out all protective and shit i was like YEAH?? GO GET 'EM WHAT THE FUCK. ugh. moving on—

the diner date. oh my STARS THE DINER DATE

michael was SO SOFT with adam in comparison with how cold and harsh he was later on with lilith and tfw!

sidenote but lilith was like: "they sent me to pick you up." and michael glared and said: "i don't let anyone pick me up."

the stark difference. he was so venomous and aloof. and it was only worse at the bunker. both he and adam actually. adam sounds uncomfortable (rightly so) in the og version. here though? he was hurt, yes, but when he came out again and told tfw "i'd cut it out, he's not listening to you." he wasn't sorry at all lmfaooo in this house we love and cherish one passive-aggressive power couple and one passive aggressive power couple only.

but back to the diner date—it was peak domesticity and i LOVE IT

MICHAEL: basically i'm alone now.

ADAM: yeah, that makes it two of us.

HELLO?? HI??

okay okay. here!

yes i should be studying. yes i spent time putting english subtitles in these two bits. no i'm not sorry.

adam is so happy and relaxed and michael is so enamoured and indulging and then — "sarai la mia guida."

SURE, the og you'll be my guide is much softer and i wouldn't trade it for anything, but i was like thank STARS THEY DID IT RIGHT

also. ALSO. LISTEN. i expected nothing in terms of adaptation but when adam says he should find a little job and in addition asks michael what he thinks about it — meaning it's settled: they have decided they'll stay together! — and michael looks at him and deadpanned, in disbelief even because he could provide for them both, is like, "...you want to find a little job."

idk it made me giggle, they're precious :) and then adam's like we need new clothes and stuff!, and proceeds to joke about having an archangel inside of him making me throw my hands in the hair. like, okay, i'm done.

listen. i just... i just love them. jake's interpretation is unparalled and like i said there is no comparison with the emotion he put into his lines, but given how weird the other characters sound (trust me, they do) i had zero expectations and yet here i am, grinning at them being BOYFRIENDS HUSBANDS COMPLETELY WHIPPED. like always, but this time in a different language. <3

i'll cut it out for now, i'm sorry this is all over the place and i'm sure i forgot something! but uuuhhh i needed to vent. i love them, bye

[fandom-hoarder]

listen I have so many questions about Stanford Sam, like this kid who was raised in the wild, barely aware of acceptable social conduct arrives with his 2 ectoplasm stained t-shirts at his dorm and like ????? is he very aware of it at first? or does he think he's hiding it well? and like moving in with Jessica?????? he doesn't know how to water plants and that you have to pay electricity bills ??? Like obviously he's not stupid, we know that!! But there are certain things about ordinary everyday life that are just impossible to pick up when you're raised like that. And this is just surface-level stuff, like I feel overwhelmed just thinking about how many tiny things I do in a day, just normal life stuff that I've always done, that Sam would be like ???? so weirded out by, or maybe creepily fascinated ??? Would he try and copy everyone around him maybe??? and then all the odd things that he'd probably do !!! like just basic marine survival nonsense he's dad probably taught him applied in mundane life situations that would make him stand out and he wouldn't even notice !!! And he thinks he's doing fine, people seem to accept him, but then suddenly someone mentions like... TRL or something and he's like ??? and then Dean picks him up and it all falls to pieces, because it's so EASY and ingrained and he doesn't have to pretend and it puts it into perspective how not okay he was doing at Stanford even when it felt like he was ?? god I'm just rambling, like I barely even have headcanons, I'm just so overwhelmed by all the possibilities of how this would play out !!!!

Holy crap, first I wanna apologize if this has been sitting here awhile. The Ask notification location in settings instead of notifications on the app is so weird and I get them so rarely I don’t think to check. (and the website shows that I have 4 but this one is the only one it’ll show? How does tumblr work? Oh yeah, it doesn’t lol.)

Anyway, I have so many thoughts on this! But they’re not necessarily cohesive?! Like first we all know Sam is super smart. He’s curious. He’s inquisitive. But he’s also sheltered in weird ways. There are things he’s known about the world that most people would never know about, let alone kids his age at any given time; yet the existence of those things--and the understanding that therefore potentially anything could be real--also lends itself to keeping him childlike--he had an “imaginary friend” at age nine and believed in the Easter bunny through age eleven, which is much later than the average probably???

By middle school, he definitely would’ve been feeling the strains of his otherness around his classmates, even if they weren’t constantly moving around, but of course the nomadic lifestyle just makes it even harder.

I think Sam is a very observant person, though. He figured out something was up with their dad and The Truth at age 8! So people watching is Sam’s saving grace for getting along in the mundane world. He definitely learns to mask his otherness by mimicking mundane people.

And I get sidetracked here because then I start thinking about exactly how their childhood went. We know John used Pastor Jim and Bobby as childcare/parenting support to some degree. I don’t think we really know anything about Caleb, maybe I’m forgetting something, but my headcanon is that Caleb functioned as a “fun younger uncle” type to Sam and Dean: cool, responsible in a pinch, but mostly not given childcare responsibilities because of his wilding tendencies. (they learn swears accidentally from Bobby and John, but Caleb TEACHES them.) Sam and Dean didn’t even know about Missouri until s1, so she’s off the caretaker list. They had that babysitter they met up with in uhh... Swap Meat! But largely we assume that Dean had a lot of the caretaking responsibilities; maybe with temporary babysitters in other places the same as Swap Meat.

And lbh you just can’t expect well-rounded, informed child-rearing from a kid only four years older. There’s a reason I associate a lot of weechester flashbacks with Sammy watching TV like in Something Wicked, because literally little siblings are A LOT and sometimes you just want them to sit still and quiet and leave you alone for a bit omg.(wait, give me a minute, I’m imagining little 6 year old Dean on the phone with Bobby because John ran out for food supplies and isn’t back yet and Sammy is still asleep but Dean’s creeped out in the longterm room they’re staying in because he KNOWS about the supernatural already. but then bobby gets on John’s case about it--and instead of never leaving Dean alone with baby Sam again, Dean learns from John’s belt not to call anyone when he’s left alone unless it’s an ACTUAL EMERGENCY. Or maybe, because marine, John doesn’t use his belt; maybe he uses PT instead and every time Dean thinks about calling Bobby for that reason again, his abs ache from the memory of punishment situps, or his arms get suddenly shaky thinking about doing pushups til he just couldn’t anymore.)

I haven’t read all of John’s Journal, and I know it’s not actually canon, but IIRC the bits that I’ve read from the wiki show John and the boys staying with a family friend in Lawrence for a few weeks, MAYBE a few months before John visits Missouri and everything STARTS. I think if he hadn’t picked up and left with them then, the family friends would’ve been contacting CPS because they’re starting to think John’s grief is making him unhinged. (I really want to read the journal tbh--there are bits I’ve seen that make me fantasize even more about boyking!sam storylines... but I’m getting even more off track.)

So we’ve got this weird/interesting dichotomy of kids that are groomed with these hyperspecialiizations, too weird to really fit in with other kids but sheltered from the actual hunter life also--like the fact that there ARE other hunters, like as a THING, not just their dad’s rando friends that, as kids, they may just assume know about the supernatural because their dad told them! (jfc they’re SO PRIMED to be each other’s entire world omg I’m gonna die)

So like, by being quiet and observant (an imaginative kid, by nature and by nurture as John starts to take Dean out more and leave Sam alone with his own thoughts), Sam would pick up a lot of things. But they’re never anywhere long enough for him to fully grasp everything and he would definitely suffer a bit from the Dunning-Kruger effect--not having enough knowledge about a thing, but having just enough that you don’t realize you don’t.

Let’s say Sam observes and picks up some things about normal residential life by being around a few mundane babysitters. The nature of John’s “work” would mean that, even if they were in a more in-home-daycare-like situation, they’d be likely to be the “after hours” kinds of kids that are still there when everyone else is picked up and the babysitter would normally be doing their normal life stuff: changing clothes, cleaning up from the daycare kids, making dinner, etc (sam and dean would definitely help, either out of kindness or duty or because it’s agreed that if they help out John will get a discount on their care costs--don’t mind me, just projecting my childhood onto the winchesters hahh. I’m NOT going to go off on a tangent about Dean already having so much experience caring for babies cuz of Sam. He definitely doesn’t have all the under-4s following him around begging for attention while he burps one of the three babies their babysitter cares for after a bottle. it DEFINITELY didn’t make Sam (age 4, 5, 6 maybe) jealous enough to repress the memory so that over a decade later he would claim that Dean doesn’t even LIKE kids.)

Uhh... what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Sam. Observing normal life. Anyway so maybe after things settle for the day, sometimes a babysitter will sit at the dining table with the weekly bills and their checkbook and do the bills. And Sam kind of loves things like this: it feels like something important; it feels like playing school before he was old enough to go (quick aside here: John totally enrolled Sam in school early, both because that’s the only way his age works with canon timeline and because it would make life easier if Sam was in school just like Dean--more cost-and-time efficient.) And maybe Sam goes and sits at the table and just. Watches.

And then he asks questions. When he’s curious, he doesn’t keep his questions to himself as a child (unless the subject is expressly forbidden: see Dean’s reaction when Sam brings up Mary). But his age would inevitably limit the scope and understanding of those questions. Adults are generally disinclined to fully explain the adult world to children, especially when it comes to finances, and in the 80s and early 90s?? With most of the adults of that time that I knew, those kinds of questions were considered rude and nosey. He might understand that adults have to pay bills; he may even understand something about utilities; but he wouldn’t necessarily understand all the requirements and frequency.

Though their nomadic lifestyle wasn’t stable by any “normal” definition, one thing to be said about mostly living out of motels is that your power is never cut off, or your water, or your heat. There’s always television, usually with cable. And the only form of payment you see going on is dad handing over cash or plastic at the front desk--one and done. My headcanon usually disallows the idea that they would’ve squatted in empty houses when Sam and Dean were kids (John makes plenty of bad decisions but I just don’t see him staying in a place without power or water with CHILDREN. Teenagers? SURE.) They would learn how to clean house and make proper beds even when it wasn’t always necessary with housekeeping available--both because of John’s military parenting style and because John would be most likely to opt out of daily housekeeping to lower the risk of having people ask questions.

So yeah, there are so many little intricacies of the mundane world that Sam wouldn’t be conditioned to even think about. Even the realization that he doesn’t know enough about regular life, as he grows up and longs more and more for that very thing because he’s never had more than a glimpse of it, wouldn’t necessarily be enough.

Would his natural curiosity lead him to ask those questions? He can’t ask John because he already asked Dean and got a dismissive answer because ‘what does any of that matter, Sam? we’ll never have to worry about that shit.’ and if Dean seems borderline offended by the sheer audacity of the questions in the first place, he knows John will be worse.

In the 90s, life skills were still kind of a thing in most U.S. schools. But in a really inconsistent way. Sometimes it was in health class curriculum; sometimes your math class would actually do a short focus on balancing a checkbook and banking if there was a chapter, but a lot of times those parts get skipped. You never use the whole textbook. Sometimes life skills was only in Home Ec, but H.E. was completely elective in my area when I was in middle school (the same exact years Sam would’ve been in middle school) and I’m assuming the same for most of the U.S. Sam may have taken it, or he may have taken something else instead (wood shop or computer class were the alternatives in my area). Maybe the nature of school hopping meant that he HAD to enroll in Home Ec, because resources for the other electives were finite, but somehow always managed to miss the bills and budgeting portion. Maybe he couldn’t even take Home Ec due to class size or resources and they just put him in a study hall for that period. (Maybe they put him in the computer class, where he mostly does book work until he gets a turn on the PC he has to share with his classmate.)

As an observant person, Sam totally would’ve known about TRL, I think. There’s no way at least one group of kids in the halls or lunchroom wasn’t talking about it every day in high school, especially with the advent of Britney Spears and Eminem and Jesse freakin Camp. Maybe he goes to someone’s house to try to hang out or to study and they turn it on and Sam watches raptly because it’s such a strange phenomenon and he hardly ever gets to hear new music, much less watch the videos. But he can’t actually get into it because the fangirls are annoying and his analytical mind won’t let him suspend his disbelief about how the voting works. (Maybe he tries giving it another shot in their motel room sometimes, but Dean vetoes that bubblegum pop shit IMMEDIATELY--no Sam, look, that shit isn’t REAL music; most of them don’t even play instruments. And it’s really not fair because Dean TOTALLY watched MTV’s The Grind in the early 90s for his fix of suggestively gyrating bodies before he figured out how to access porn without getting caught.)

Sam and Dean actually make a LOT of pop culture references, which always fascinates me. I imagine they did a lot of TV watching and VCR/movie renting in the times they weren’t working on a case with/for their dad (projecting again; my dad’s house was a very boring place on his weekends). The nature of Dean’s idolization of John and disinclination to let Sam have his own separate likes means they have a mix of age-appropriate pop culture knowledge and a lot of Boomer-era TV and movie knowledge--Dean more than Sam, maybe when it comes to things like cowboy movies and TV lol.

Anyway, as the realization that he doesn’t really know how anything works crept in, maybe Sam would try to lowkey create situations where he could ask his friends/his friends’ parents those normal life kind of questions. But maybe after his first few tries, he’s become so uncomfortably aware of how weird he is to even need to ask that he stops asking. Maybe he starts to tap into his specialized skills and starts snooping/creeping around their houses to try to glean knowledge. Maybe he scours the library for books on ‘what you need to know for life’--I have the urge now to do a google search on actual titles of books on this subject that may have existed at the time, but I’ve already spent a lot of time on this without going into research spirals. lol Maybe he can’t find exactly the things that are pertinent--still doesn’t fully realize that, though--and in the meantime his cache of esoteric knowledge continues to build.

So he gets to Stanford and he mostly understands how the financing works; enough to get by with enrollment and stuff. He understands that he’ll need to get a job of some sort to make ends meet because he’s there to be normal and normal people don’t pay for everything with scammed credit cards and billiards money; he knows that much. But he doesn’t really know about wages, minimum wage, freaking payroll taxes, etc. (I feel like Dean would’ve had odd jobs as a teen, some legit some under the table, but that the nature of John (and Dean) wanting to keep Sam home and safe would’ve made the subject of Sam working through high school a banned topic. And anyway, much as I’m not a fan of the characterization in Drag Me Away (From You), what Dean said to Sam about the impossibility of getting into college with the way his academic career would look is accurate. So Sam would’ve probably spent most of his free time on academics so he could get the fuck out, rather than trying to get a job.

Maybe having to buy his textbooks would be a surprise? John probably always qualified for Sam and Dean to be on free lunch/free book programs in public school, not to mention the likelihood of the records being at least partially counterfeit. But at the same time, John was probably very hands off with their school enrollment crap once the boys were old enough to handle it themselves, so Sam would at least have an inkling.

Sam would be a weird mix of no-boundaries and too-secretive, and his first attempts at acting normal would be a bit too put-on. He’s got experience acting per 1x16 (oh, maybe he did drama instead of home ec somewhere lol), but acting on stage is so much different to acting in a more personal setting. On stage you have to exaggerate your movements to project all the way to the back. Early-Stanford Sam, I guess, is a bit like Soulless Sam. He knows there’s something off about him compared to the people around him, and he just does his best to pretend he’s the same as them without calling attention to his differences, which ends up coming off robotic. A little Stepford. A little uncanny valley. He learns to bite his tongue every time he’s about to let something normal only to his family roll off it; learns to be even more vague than he used to be, because now he’s around strangers ALL THE TIME.

At some point, Sam has a little-but-big breakdown about a payment he missed or the fact that he had to steal shampoo because he didn’t even have toiletries in his budget and couldn’t even afford a bottle of White Rain or Suave, so since he was stealing anyway he got the special brand he really likes and then feels too awful to even use it and doesn’t wash his hair for a week. Brady takes pity on the cute but hapless puppy-boy who is a physical and academic behemoth but has obviously been living off-grid on some kind of militia commune for the past forever--at first the rumor was that he was Amish on rumspringa but the amount of times Sam has busted out some supremely random survival knowledge in casual conversation changes that rumor quickly--and has no understanding of the world. And by the time he moves off-campus with Jess, Sam has this masking thing down pretty well; he can almost forget he’s not normal sometimes and Jess only knows about his previous helplessness in a cute, anecdotal kind of way.

And then Dean comes and gets him and Sam’s all “you and Dad still doing credit card scams?” and Dean’s like “well hunting doesn’t pay the bills.”

AND SAM’S LIKE, NEITHER DO YOU DEAN! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BILLS ARE?! BECAUSE I DIDN’T AND IT WOULD’VE BEEN NICE TO KNOW!

[lansizhuis]

How did you find mdzs? I'm really curious on how you found it, or do you live in china and like, knew about it ig???

IS SOMEONE ASKING FOR MY MDZS EXPERIENCE??? YOU ARE GONNA REGRET THIS HAHAHAHA ok imma put it under the cut bc im gonna make a dissertation lol

- so i returned to tumblr after a 3-year hiatus last may/june and i saw a mutual make a graphic of the opening and i remembered tagging it as: 

- i ended up pushing and pushing me watching it back bc i got lazy and well i’ve never tried chinese anime so i was kinda iffy until i finally got around doing it after weeks (more than a month actually hahaha)

- i only read that misleading summary from MAL (??) so in my head, “beloved shidi” = “archenemy lan wangji” = bromance (I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT WAS BL LOL)

- then i watched the first ep and i was so stressed bc idk what’s it about the chinese language but i feel like my player is on x2 speed and i didn’t know how to pronounce anything or like who were the ones on screen AND WHY DO THEY HAVE SO MANY NAMES

- but i absolutely loved wwx’s character and okay confession i thought that the beloved shidi = archenemy lan wangji = bromance WAS LSZ AT FIRST hahaha bc he was the first one wwx touched oh god i was so dumb then i saw that his name was different 

- then this long-haired dude appeared flying on something with pretty hair flowing and a stoic look and apparently this was “hanguang-jun” (i wasn’t reading the names flashed so i completely missed his name)

- AND THEN JC SHOWED UP AND THERE WAS SO MUCH TENSION AND THEN THE MOON AND THE MUSIC AND WWX’S FACE (and i still wasn’t reading the names) and i was screaming bc this must finally be the beloved shidi = archenemy lan wangji = bromance 

- and then wen ning appeared and i was thinking “oh so did wwx called some random strong corpse that was buried in mt dafan? cool guy”

- THEN MY FAVORITE SCENE HAPPENED with this hanguang-jun dude gripping wwx’s wrist and now i had to backtrack bc wait hold on I THINK THIS IS THE LAN WANGJI GUY

- jc appears with a close up on his glossy lips as he says, “well, well, so you’re back - wei wuxian” and he does a flip like lmao how fucking extra i knew i was gonna love that purple man

- so now i know that beloved shidi =/= archenemy lan wangji (still didn’t know who tf the shidi was) 

- then we get transported in the past and i was thinking “aww, wwx looked cute with his purple friend” AND IT WASN’T UNTIL THE END OF EP3 that i finally realized that the “purple friend” was my “purple man” AND HOLY SHIT also apparently was “beloved shidi”

- binged 6 episodes and found out it had a manhua and a novel; didn’t wanna read the novel (never was a fan of novels even in the jap fandom) so i read the manhua but it was over so fast and i was thirsting for content so i finally caved and read the novel

- THEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS BL (super late i know forgive me) AND I WAS SCREAMING BC HOW PERFECT CAN THIS GET

- i was still mad about the names bc why are there still so many jfc we’re already in episode 5 

- made my first graphic of wangxian then made some infographic to help me remember who was who lmao

- scrounged for every resource i can find after finishing the entire novel in 2 days

- overall, was still mad about the numerous names lol

IM GONNA END HERE OR IM GONNA REACH A LIMIT HAHAHAHA but yeah that was how i started like i know you didn’t ask for so much but i wanna rant lmaaao

[psychedelic-ink]

okay okay so I nerded out a bit and before starting up this chapter I read the beginning of the first chapter (believe me when this series is over I'm gonna read it from start to finish again and again, I especially cant wait to read it when i move to the states its gonna be super comforting when that happens)

I ended up talking too much again so I put everything under the cut whoops

Shadows pooled in the corners of your small living room, the lamp beside you casting a golden glow that didn’t quite reach them and you sat slumped on the couch in your sweats. One hand rested on the trackpad of your laptop scrolling through the NYU student group page, your other hand cradling a bowl of mac and cheese.

It was late — later than you should be up with school starting tomorrow, and even though your eyes were getting dry from staring at the screen, you were absorbed in your task; your face illuminated in the dusk of the room. 

Your finger stroked down, the page slowly moving. 

Gosh Birdie has gone through so much and so many things happened, it's just so beautiful to witness 😭😭😭 Also I will never get over how amazing you write smut because jfc i'm sweating???

Being with him has made you bolder, basking in the glow of his affection, love and guidance. Like he’s taken a piece of the confidence he holds within his being and gifted you with some of it, making you braver, more sure of yourself. 

I love this so much because I just feel like this is how a normal relationship should be like, strengthening each other and boosting eachother up when the other can't seem to do it on their own. You always manage to find new ways to strangle my hear (in a good way) 💜

I'm happy that Cee is finally coming around, as slow as that might be! honestly can't blame her, it's a super bizarre situation to be in and the doing it in secret sure as hell didn't help. I still feel like if they had been up and honest since the beginning she might've not been this angry. Sure she would still probably need time to obsess, but I always think of the first time Birdie realizes her crush on Ezra and what would've had happened if she just went said something about it, it would be a difficult convo for sure but idk it might've been better. But then again how do you even tell someone you have a crush on their dad, no matter from which angle you look at it it turns out a mess adcvsdvfdv

also ngl when cee just said "“She’s leaving, so I guess it doesn’t really matter in the end.” that hurt me just pls and go make up with birdie before I bawl my eyes out. I'm glad they both recognized their fault tho!

thank you so much for sharing, love! amazing chapter as always 💜💜

In The Dark: 11

Ezra x f!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Series Masterlist

A/N: Thank you endlessly to both @mourningbirds1​ and @the-ginger-hedge-witch​ for helping me with this one - they both gave me endless reassurance and great advice, and I couldn’t have done it without them. ❤️

—

“This?”

You look up from the stack of used notebooks in your hands, glancing at the cover of the book Ezra’s holding. 

“No.”

He nods, placing it next to him before reaching for his beer, taking a long pull. He sets the bottle back down next to his thigh, reaching for the next book in the stack in front of him. 

“This one?”

You look up again, nodding. Watching him set that one into a box on his right, you make an internal face at how full it is already. 

“This?” 

You shake your head, and he places it just so in the discard pile. He picks up the next book, thumbing through the worn pages scribbled with ink in the margins and he flips it over, reading the back. 

Sitting on your floor, he’s bathed in a warm glow, a line of light from your lamp highlighting the curve of his nose and bringing to surface the rich brown blended into the darker strands of his hair. The light fades in its reach around his face, the whiskered cheek facing you darkened with shadow and when he absentmindedly reaches for his beer again, you watch the movement of his mouth, and the swallow of his throat.  Rain patters against the glass of the window in your living room, and the contrast between the bleak weather and the warmth of the room is cozy and comforting. 

Keep reading

[wikiangela]

911 ls 4x03!

(spoilers under the cut - which is basically me being bored with the Iris/tarlos storyline and doing a whole 180 at the end lol)

I lowkey hate how good Rob Lowe looks 😂 jfc why does he look even better this season?? 😂

I think I like where Owen's story seems to be heading, and I like O'Brien's actor, I'm happy he's sticking around haha

I'm sorry, but I still don't give a fuck about Iris and her storyline 😂 like, surprisingly, I care about fucking Owen more 😳 (pls do something interesting with Marjan or Paul instead, I'm not even remotely excited for the resolution of this Iris storyline 😂)

I'm bored during that tarlos scene ngl

like, I really want to feel bad at least for Carlos being so worried about his "best friend" but I just don't 💁🏻‍♀️ I don't know Iris and their relationship enough to give a fuck, and from what we have seen of her so far, I don't particularly like her, or even have an opinion tbh

and like, Carlos is my fave character, and all I wanted from this season was for him to have more screen time and to actually get to know him as him, aside from TK and the 126, but the storyline with Iris just bores the shit out of me and I feel awful about it but I'm not gonna pretend that I'm into it when I'm not 😂

but awww, we're getting officer Reyes 🥵

Marjan and Paul are the best duo and we need more of them (pls give them like half of Owen's - or even Tarlos' this season sns - screen time) 😂

Nancy is acting her ass off resuscitating that sex doll lmao she's so great - this is one of the more ridiculous and hilarious cases fr 😂

okay, seriously, it's Owen's hair - I'm almost sure something's different about the hair and it makes him hotter and I don't know how to handle being attracted to fucking Owen Strand 😂😂

oooh, Iris called 911! I still don't care, but I love seeing the queen Grace! 😂

okay, Iris could die for all I care, but the action is getting interesting haha and I love seeing more of officer Reyes, we need to get more police cases too 😂

I admit, seeing so much more of Carlos, and pissed off and worried and protective, is worth suffering through Iris 👌😂 (maybe it's something about the actress, idk, can't put my finger on it yet, but she annoys me sns)

I hate that TK feels guilty and that Carlos blames him 🥺 especially since obviously the guy was real, nothing is TK's fault 😭

why can't I feel sympathetic towards Iris, while I feel bad for TK being blamed 😂 and I feel so bad for not feeling bad for her, but there's just nothing, no emotion towards her whatsoever 💁🏻‍♀️ what's wrong with me jfc 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

the code being "12345" is so fucking stupid but it really amuses me ngl 😂

omg is O'Brien really with them?? oh my god - it's okay, Owen, I bought it, too, didn't even think twice lmao

Carlos, as soon as you found the tunnel you should've called it in 🙄🙄 they always do this in those shows and it never ends well 🙄 (I'm here for the angst and more Carlos on my screen tho hahah)

and here we go haha

and watching the promo - we're getting a serial killer??? now we're talking 😍 wasn't expecting that but now his storyline really gets exciting - can't wait for more!!

if this is where the Iris thing was leading, I apologize for complaining about how boring it was, even tho I was bored, but getting this, Carlos kidnapped by a serial killer?? so worth it lol

lowkey boring eps for the most part, give me more of Tommy and the pastor instead of Iris pls, and please can Marjan and Paul and Mateo and Nancy get some storylines, I'm begging y'all, it's supposed be ensemble, they're not just background extras ffs 😂

most of the episode was meh, but the ending! and more importantly the promo!! it took three episodes but they got my interest now haha can't wait for the next one! 😍

[njmphadora]

Ok, long ramble here it goes: so yesterday I didn't have class, which resulted in me waking up at 1pm (as I usually do when I don't have school) I made 2 edits and finished my 1.7k celebration(so + 1 very shitty moodboard), which I had never done before, bc I usually don't have time for edits, and I quite like them, even though I know they aren't great, but I'm sorta proud I guess (also I forgot to paint over some of the background thingy that remains when you remove it on fred's knee) jfc: pt 1

okay the rest of your messages & my response is under the cut!

But I didn’t realize it until I had already posted it, which kinda sucks, but oh well, so I just edited the post and put them side by side instead of one on top of the other, fortunately I had no issues (I think) with the nancy edit, which is great, and also my jily edit is very few away from 500 notes, which will be the first time an edit I actually like has 500 notes (there’s this moodboard that I made and it freaks me out bc it has more than 4k notes and what the hell?? It’s shit lmao) pt. 2And speaking of things getting to things, I’m 3 away from 2.2k (and I was 12 away on wednesday, but then I said smth stupid and like 50 people said ‘I’m done with this bitch’ and left, but I’m gonna forget about that and celebrate 2.2k with people that don’t care when I say smth stupid or offensive or whatever when I don’t mean to make anyone feel bad, I’m gonna stop talking about that now, pls don’t ask, so I might make a bday page to celebrate 2.2k or maybe a q&a night pt.3Or answer questions with audio or video or gifs??? Idk, I’m gonna think about it, what do you think?? Also it’s 5am now and I haven’t had any sleep, but I’m not even that sleepy, and lmao I’ve never gotten to more than 2 parts, but this time it has been 4 parts and it’s awesome, you asked for long rambles, u gots some long rambles I ALMOST FORGOT!! TODAY I DON’T HAVE SOCIAL WORK THING!! WHICH MEANS I CAN SLEEEEPPP (even though it seems like I might just not…)

OKAY so i know i asked for long but this was longggg. so let me go through it bit by bit (also i didn’t know if this was a private thing or not but fuck it i’m posting it so i can always read over your rambles when i get lonely first of all CONGRATS ON FINISHING A CELEBRATION omg i’m so freaking jealous i’m so backtracked with all of my edits and celebrations dsufndsjfn. i feel terrible about it but i’m on like 3.3k and i’m still working through my 1.5k celebrations xD which is ridiculous and i feel so so bad but i made some progress yesterday too so i’m proud of myself for that. also i saw your edits and i loved them!!! they’re so original and interesting and cool :))))also i think your jily edit is in my queue?!! or i already posted it?!! did i already post it?!! if i did then i’ll post it again because LET’S GET IT TO 500 YOU DESERVE IT. also holyshit which moodboard has 4k notes?!!! that’s incredible omfg !!!!!also i saw that you were close to your next milestone!!! i’m so excited for you!!! i caught like glimmers of what happened the other day and think i know what it was but i won’t ask for deets dw. i just wanna say not to worry at all. we all say things and we all think things and we don’t have perfect brains. the important thing is that we learn. if we say something rude and just stick with it then obviously that’s not good but if we say something bad and then realise when people tell us then that’s learning and growing and developing and that’s important & anyone who unfollowed u because of that is a fool.birthday pages are cool btw but a lotttt of work so be prepared for that if you do it !!! but i love the q&a night suggestion a lot omggggggg (we should do one together sometime?!!?!!!)also lmao you’ll probs crash like hell later today i wish u luck for that but honestly if anyone can survive on 0 sleep i’m betting it’s you :))))

[wikiangela]

I wasn't sure if I wanted to watch that 90s show (I can't stomach Jackie ending up with Kelso, sns 🤢 she could be with literally anyone else pls anyone but Kelso or Fez, even some brand new character jfc) but I decided to give it a try

so, I decided I'm gonna at least watch the pilot and my thoughts are under the cut

warning: I did not like it in the slightest, and it's not nice lol

okay, I missed Red and Kitty, I could watch it purely for them if the rest is decent enough lol

the chemistry between the old cast so far is just as it was back then - and Red is the best as always, his lines >>>

ooof, first two scenes with Leia and Gwen - so cringe and so disney-level dialogue and acting sns - it literally feels like they're reading lines 😂

oh my god all the kids are awful - I know they're just kids and probably just starting out but like oh my god

is it supposed be this cringe and unfunny? I was prepared to only dislike Kelso and Jackie together, not most of the characters 😂

the "bro" thing is so annoying I almost turned it off - this is supposed to be comedy? who wrote this shit? 😂

aww the circle! an adult circle 😂😂 tbh I only care about old characters so far 😂 (also, what's up with Laura Prepon's acting? why is something feeling off?)

"feels forced" that was funny 😂 I love Kitty 😂 - also, this whole show feels forced tbh

is Ozzie supposed to be like Fez? because Fez was funny, this guy's not - and he's SO annoying jfc

you know, I think that's my problem with most reboots - instead of creating brand new characters, they just put those carbon copies of original characters and trying to recreate the dynamic

Gwen's acting is so over the top, oh my god

literally me watching the kids trying to be funny:

that whole thing in the store...... I feel like I could watch this in Disney Channel, except with something other than alcohol lmao

halfway through the episode and I'm bored and wishing for it to end 😂 I said I'd watch the first episode though, maybe I'll still change my mind 😂

"I knew you were gonna be like this! I'm not getting in that car tomorrow! you can't make me!" - - - that made me laugh, not because it was funny, but because how fucking awkward and disney it was 😂😂😂😂

Red is hilarious as always

honestly, I'd watch just Red and Kitty, I don't need all those annoying ass kids that are supposed to be the og cast's replacements instead of their own characters lol

"don't feed them, that's how it started the first time" 😂 pls he's still so funny

Kelso and Jackie as toxic as ever...... this is not funny anymore, it was in like s1 of t7s and that's it

why did Kelso and Jackie just... stop by for no reason? 😂

jfc all those "nO wAy" just feel so fake and exaggerated - go to Disney or nick, kids, seriously 🤦🏻‍♀️ I cannot watch this

the "this season on" is not convincing me either

well, I think I said all I could say, bad acting, awful dialogue straight from a disney channel show, all the kids feel like unsuccessful copies of old characters, Red is the only consistently funny character, Kitty mostly too, and they're the only ones I'd even consider watching it for

but, suffice to say, I will not be continuing

I'm not even disappointed, because I did not have high hopes 😂

if it gets better and is worth continuing, which I doubt, maybe I'll check it out someday but for now it's a no from me lol

[pumpkinpaix]

okay a follow-up--first, @tonyglowheart made a point in the notes that I meant to add and then completely forgot because my brain fried itself which is to say, yes, I have constructed a bit of a false analogy here to make my point. gong/shou are literary tropes not (stereo)types, which distinguishes them from terms like bear/twink. i hope the reason i made the analogy still makes sense though.

second, some replies that got a little long that i'm gonna put under a cut.

@yunljun said: jfc this whole ask is a disaster. isn’t yaoi/danmei/bl mostly consumed by straight women? so a lot of those terms are already not representative of the actual gay community. this is why real gay representation matters and not just bl stuff. and also why we shouldn’t label movies featuring gay couples, made by gay people, as yaoi/danmei/bl…which i’ve seen so many ppl do in online spaces

adding to above, when i say gay representation, i specifically mean for asians. bc i see too many gay asians being fetishized as bl and i think it’s important to keep these things separate

I think you may have missed the point of this post. the idea that BL is largely consumed and created by straight women is one of the main rhetorical points that anti-fujoshi use in their arguments and it's incredibly invalidating and pretty misogynist. you can read about it in the post i linked giving a rundown about fujoshi discourse. you do not know the sexuality of the people consuming or creating danmei. i am not a straight woman, for example. here is a post by someone who also isn't a straight woman about self-identifying as fudanshi and enjoying BL media. whether you like it or not, BL spaces ARE queer spaces--if you don't vibe with them that's fine, but to say that this doesn't count as "real" rep does a disservice to the many, many queer people who relate to these stories. "straight woman who fetishizes gay men" is a strawman at this point. are there problems with BL as a genre? yes. are asians hugely sexualized and fetishized by non-asians? yeah (ask me how i know 8)). could we use more diverse rep pretty much always? yes. but that's not what I'm talking about in this ask anyways. my problem with the ask was the reductive and casually racist nature of the way it was framed and the lack of thought put into the context of the question.

@steinozean said: Thank you for pointing out how even within anons own culture things can be different. It’s exhausting seeing what ppl deem as universal gay experiences in western countries is often just the white cis experience and it wasn’t until mdzs in late 2018 i actually met other western ppl who also went “hey i can actually better connect with this cn gay novel than with the usual gay rep in western media.”

And I’m sure a lot of the appeal of c-media now comes from it being a not-white pov. I’m european, not white but no matter if it’s us or european media (that’s making up most of what was easily accessible for the longest time) it’s always been a whether very white and/or very us-centric pov so none of it felt like good representation of my own queer experience either.

that's a huge mood. I don't think my own queer experience is particularly odd or noteworthy, but I honestly haven't read/seen a lot (any?) stories that reflect it. I don't relate to like 75% of the way people talk about queerness on tumblr, and I've never felt very comfortable at pride here in the US, even though I go. my parents are immigrants, and there's a part of me that wonders about what's considered "my" queer history, whatever that's supposed to mean, and what "my" queer stories might look like. maybe i can find it in danmei/BL whatever.

at the same time, i know that a lot of the appeal of BL stories to me has to do with the release of pressure to identify with and think about my own body and position as a woman (?) in relation to others, and thus somewhat a release from having to consider the realities of misogyny that exist in gendered power dynamics. cmedia is a bonus because I ALSO don't have to think about my race, which I have to say, is also a huge relief. i feel like these aren't mutually exclusive reasons to enjoy and identify with a genre and I think that's pretty cool.

It was only when starting MDZS that I came across the terms “seme” and “uke.” To me these categories seemed too rigid and simplistic compared to actual gay dynamics I have observed. I wanted to ask whether such categorisation is truly reflected in the way gay Chinese people behave or is it just a stereotype?

okay so -- there’s a lot to unpack here. I’ve been sitting on this ask for months at this point but let’s give it a shot. to forewarn you, I found this ask really upsetting for a number of reasons, and I am. really kind of at the end of my patience with this fandom, so this is going to be harsh. please bear with me if you are in a space to do so.

so. seme and uke are japanese terms that come with their own genre conventions and such, even though they roughly mean top and bottom. you can read a little bit about it here under the “seme and uke” section on the yaoi wikipedia page.

the equivalent chinese terms are 攻 (gong1) and 受 (shou4). you might notice that the hanzi/kanji used are the same as seme and uke because i’m fairly sure the chinese terms were derived from the japanese ones. there’s a lot of cultural crossover in ACGN (anime, comics, games, novels) fandoms.

the use of seme/uke vs gong/shou does matter when it comes to anglophone spaces. because one of the facets of anti-asian racism in anglophone spaces is the way that people treat all (east) asians as interchangeable, the choice of which language to use for which media is important, even if the terms are linguistically equivalent.

it's a small thing, but even just saying gong/shou instead of seme/uke in this ask would have softened the blow a little. all of this information is easily obtained with a quick google search of "seme and uke" and "chinese version of seme and uke" and a little bit of analytical thinking. before you ask a random stranger on the internet to dispense cultural information, please do the minimum of research on your own.

with regards to the actual question:

I know this ask is old so maybe a lot has changed for you anon, but regarding this ask specifically, I’m going to ask you to think very hard about what you’re asking, who you're asking, and why you're asking it next time. for a start, I am not a gay chinese man. i have been very clear that I am abc, and i live and grew up in the states. That's not equivalent to "a chinese person who happens to be fluent in english". we are very culturally distinct, and there is absolutely no way that my background gives me any inherently privileged insight into the lives and culture of gay chinese men in china. why are you asking me to speak for them? why are you asking me to tell you about them? gay chinese men behave like individual humans. i am not your convenient tour guide into all things chinese just because I speak english. moreover, please remember that your experience, like mine, is limited. whatever observed "actual gay dynamics" you're talking about are a product of your specific position, location, age, culture etc. and it would be absurd to extrapolate your observations to generalize how all gay people interact with one another even in your specific culture.

I will be very honest: the tone of this ask evokes purity wank bait because of the wider context of the question. there has been a Lot of discourse surrounding the “roles” in danmei in anglophone fandom that essentially boils down to fujoshi discourse redux, which often has a lot of racist underpinnings and comes from an extremely white, western, misogynist, and identity politics-heavy perspective. i put links and such about fujoshi discourse in this ask if you aren't familiar, but I want you to understand that, regardless of your intent, my initial impression of this question (because of the context of these discussions) was uncomfortably close to "I'm better than those oppressive, uneducated straight chinese women who unrealistically fetishize gay men, right?" I am choosing to believe that this wasn't what you meant, but. to draw an analogy: would you ask me this question about twinks and bears in US gay culture? would you ask me if those labels/roles/categories were representative of the way US gay men behaved? what about top/bottom? if not, then why are you asking me about chinese gay men as if they're a different species?

if you can understand that top/bottom or bear/twink are not representative categorizations (though there are, of course, people who happily fall into them, self-identify as them, label themselves as such etc), why are you holding gong/shou to a higher standard?

I get that we're all in different places re: our cultural knowledge, but just. look, if you're coming to me with a question like this, the least you could do me is the courtesy of ten minutes of googling before you hit me with a racist microaggression right out the gate on a sensitive topic. As I said, I don't think you meant harm, but please try to be more aware in the future, okay?

(please do not dogpile anon in the notes, it's not constructive, thanks)

if you are curious about the lives of queer folk in china, there is plenty of interesting information out there in english as well. here's an article to get you started.

[wikiangela]

watching 911 6x08!

spoilers under the cut!

ngl I genuinely teared up when the girl saw Hen save her sister and went: yeah girls can be heroes 🥺🥺🥺😂

is uncle Buck hanging out with Jee???? finally???! I've been waiting for it for so long😂😂😂

they're both so adorable I can't 😩😍

as an oldest sister of much younger siblings, and babysitting my baby cousin for a while, I feel you, Buck 😂😂 jeez it brings back memories 😂😂

May's back!!! god I miss her now that we don't see her as often haha

who's Darius, have we met him before? 😂 did I forget it?

May has a boyfriend huh 👀

God that boss is awful, he got what he deserved tbh 😂😂

Eddie saying even one Spanish words gets me 🥵🥵🥵🥵 jfc I love him so much and I love Spanish so much 😂😂😂

(also, damn Eddie looks so good 🔥)

aww Chris has a first crush 🥺

fantasy is better than reality huh 👀👀👀

loving seeing more of Madney and Jee, it's kinda funny but also I really hope they find a bigger place soon 😂 this looks exhausting

aw Bobby putting his children's birthdays as the lotto numbers, so cute haha

I just love Athena and Hen hanging out

May is so pretty omg😍😍 also, I'm so happy we're seeing more of her this episode 😍

what the fuck are those dumbasses doing on top of the firetruck jfc 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I loved them talking about their first crushes and Christopher but I'm so distracted but the couple about to fuck on top of a moving firetruck why are people so stupid 😂😂

the look Eddie gave Buck at the "raining men" line lmao

ngl I would feel too awkward waiting for a friend at someone's house, I'd just wait in my car 😂😂

oh fuck this guy's a psycho 😳😳 hope Darius is gonna be okay 😳😳

May is such a badass fr, the way she keeps her cool while talking to him 😍

that was awesome, May is so amazing, I love her so much ❤️

aww Buck and Hen and Denny hanging out - also, aww Buck's so excited about swords 😂😂

Eddie talking about Christopher making me tear up again 😭🥺🥺🥺 I love them so much

I absolutely loved that episode so much it was just so fun and lighthearted

loved seeing more of Maddie and Chim and Jee and I hope they'll find that house soon haha and I always love seeing May and she was so badass - and I love Eddie kinda dealing with Chris growing up this season

(also, Buck hanging out with Jee was adorable and I need more)

can't wait for the next one!