#jesus take the wheel in that case bc for REAL

[wikitpowers]

i need cassandra jean to draw kit & ty like this for me please i'm begging!

[gooferdusted]

hypothetically, if I were to write a fix-it/rewrite au fic, (thinking of starting at s5 but debating starting earlier) what are some storylines you’d take out/change, characters you’d save/kill, and specifically changes to sam’s character/arcs you’d like bc i need ideas

ok. ok. I'm gonna try to not go completely off the fucking rails while I write this up but I gotchu (also these r all just my own hot n spicy takes so like. pick what u like, it's all goodie goodie)

• no time passing differently in hell. literally four months is ~Enough!~ a year is enougghh!!!!!! like I get that they wanted to make hell this horrible unreachable thing but u can still like... get that across without having it be this unfathomable chunk of time out of a persons life. like sam was down there with TWO very pissed off angel's for 180 years??? how can he still speak english??? how does dean remember ANYTHING about his old life when mentally more than half of it was spent being endlessly tortured until he finally cracked??? its just.... Too Much...

• ON that note, I feel like later on they never rlly had sam and dean bond over the fact that like... they are genuinely the ONLY two people on earth who have survived actual hell. I mean we got that one off line from dean at some point but??

• no chuck as god. just a greasy greasy rat man getting insane stories projected into his brain. and on the topic of that.... I dont like the reflection of the real life fanbase in the spn universe??? they're pulp fiction novels, it should be all like 50 year old + ladies who picked them up at the local bargain bin, not b*cky r*sen

• I like... WANNA say smth abt s4..... bc I think the way that they handled things were a little out of character BUT I also think that was lind of the point??? like the angels and demons were manipulating them to say/do things they would normally never say/do to eachother to drive a big enough wedge between then that they would eventually say yes to being the vessels. like it hurts to watch sooo much but it did drive the plot forward in a very particular way that probably couldnt have happened otherwise. that being said, when the levee breaks makes me sad, and I dont want to see sam crying for his dead mother alone in a basement! cest la vie.

• sam and dean.... are Friends...,, why did we all forget that..... watch hell house and maybe I'll calm down.....

• PSYCHIC SAM!!!!!! you all know me. you know how I feel about psychic sam... robbed. s4 finale rlly had sam like "drinking that much demon blood has truly changed me forever..... theres no going back now...... 😔😔" like ok. ok. where are your superpowers. where are they.

• I wish some of the other special children had made it out :(( I really liked andy and ava (also sam finding other friend who are like him??? queer allegory??? spare queer allegory?????)

• I also dont think the roadhouse shouldve burned down!!! that shouldve been a Staple Location like Bobby's house. same w Missouri's, literally why did we only visit her once.

• ur sending an ask to my blog so I assume this is just a given for u but!!! we're takin away the misogyny. we're takin away the fetishization! anything that would be given the greenlight by joss whedon we are putting straight in the trash. <3

• this is mostly a thing in later seasons like. idk 9-15, but no ppl knowing who the winchesters are. they are NOBODIES. they pop up like little meerkats and fuck everything up beyond repair.

• also no fancy tech. no iphone 76z or whatever the fuck. sam has an ipod 1. the wheel is so stuck he can barely press play anymore. remember when he literally just tore off the top casing off his laptop and threw it away? more of that.

• no nice clothes. NO nice clothes we fuckin hate that. everything sam and dean own was purchased pre 1995 and dean is an expert at removing blood stains and sewing up jackets. dean will walk into a laundromat with a tide pen and just start goin for it like that scene in deadpool.

• tbh.... I feel like the issues in later seasons are really this massive horrible domino effect. like I could say heres how to fix s7-10 but the fact is if shit hadnt gone down lile it had in s7 s10 would be a different story entirely.

• I am gonna do it tho bc I suck <3

• s6: soulless sam was funney but did that really go anywhere? no. tbh I dont remember what happened w cas and I'm just not going to look it up. it's just not in the cards for tonight. dean w lisa.... ehh.... I've discussed this at wayy too much length w mushroom and we both agreed that dean would probably keep hunting to keep his mind off things and to try and honor sams sacrifice. I guess theres an argument to be made for the fact that it kind of was Sam's dying wish that dean just go fin her and live a normal life but... idk. purgatory was. . indeed a Concept..... that could have maybe gone somewhere if it didnt rapidly spiral into....

• s7!!! I mean. jesus christ. I know some people like this one but jesus christ. the way they literally couldnt commit to having sam have genuine mental health problems after centuries in hell or to just magically wipe them away..... bobby dying halfway thru.... charlie was a bright spot I suppose, but her intro is not my fave episode w her.... idk what the fuck happened w cas, I guess he was god. the leviathan designs were kinda neat but like oh my fucking god it wasnt worth it.

• s8: uh. rough start. idk why the turn tables so suddenly and dean's like "why didnt u look for me >:((" bc??? yall agreed not to???? at the VERY least they couldve had sam been like "I legitimately had no reason to think u werent dead and in heaven and tha wouldve been a little rude of me to pull u out of that." but we went for ~drama~ to make it spicy I guess. ouygh. bunkers there!!! that was cool!!! MoL is a cool concept!!! altho... it doesn kinda contradict the whole sam and dean are nobodies thing... idk. trials of hell was like... cool in theory but bad in practice unless they were planning on ending the show for realskies. and they did not.

• s9: uhh... hated gadreel! hated that shit! wish they had spun that whole storyline to be more "hey sam I noticed u were s*icidal should we maybe address that??" or even like.... I mean dean probably couldve just TOLD sam abt his plan, he had already convinced him to stay alive by that point??? there was no reason to lie!!! plus the betrayal of gadreel not being who he said he was wouldve been like. literally enough drama, we didnt need to fracture the team again. and cas was??? where exactly??? be was human for at least half of that season but hey didnt know what to do w him so they chucked him in a convenience store??? good lord.

• s10: got no suggestions for that one, just toss it

• s11: ok... shes cute.... we can forgive her.... the lore is shaky at best but the episodes SLAP and the characterization is *chefs kiss*. it's been a hot minute since I've seen it so if smth sucked I dont remember and I plan to keep it that way!!!!

• s12: n.. no. no mary. no mary unless we're doing it right. and I promise u doing it right was not poorly ripping off kingsman. couldve brought back bobby!!! if they desperately wanted some drama couldve brought back john!!! actually fuck that, no way

• s13-15: no thoughts, only jack kline <3

[ziracona]

So last night I wound up reading Amanda's wiki and It made me kind of sad for her, because it very much sounds like she was suffering from stockholme syndrome of a kind there, to me, atleast. Which makes me wonder, what do you think of the pig/amanda? What's your Amanda like in your stories? Do you think she had any potential for redemption (with A LOT of work)? I guess I just wanna hear your thoughts on her character because ur always rly good at it?? - Sleepy

Yeah, whoever wrote the Saw wiki loves Amanda and hates Hoffman and it’s genuinely hilarious. They make a lot of assumptions (like that her motive for killing Adam after he won his game was mercy killing, which is a throughly unconfirmed opinion), and use the most sympthetic & extreme language possible. I’ve watched all the Saw films, and as a character, Amanda is a very enjoyable villain, but as a person? She’s a truly awful human being. (Side note—this typed last— So, mentioning certain Saw characters sends me flying into a rage like a D&D berserker, so this is gonna get angry as hell, but 0 of it is at you. I love you. This is at the Jigsaw squad. WHO I FUCKING HATE. Ahem. Anyway. Felt like the level of unbridled and sudden fury needed a heads up lol.) It’s not Stockholm syndrome. In Saw one, she’s a victim who is put in a reverse beartrap and forced to either die, or cut the key out of the stomach of a paralyzed by drugs but very alive (which she knew) other kidnap victim, whom she cut open and killed. After enduring that trauma and barely surviving, she immediately accepted John’s offer to join him. She was not forced, she was not tricked. He asked, and because she wanted to feel special and important, she agreed to inflict suffering she knew goddamn well the horrible level of on others first hand, and went willingly. She is self-centered to her core, and became dependent on and infatuated with John, and obsessed with his approval. She kidnapped Adam and Lawrence with him, who were kidnapped for fuckall reason (literally John just thought photography was pathetic) and for almost cheating on his wife (lol this was John’s ‘stated’ reason—his real reason was John is the world’s pettiest bitch, and Lawrence was the doctor who told him he had cancer. I’m not fkn kidding he’s that level of petty self-absorbed, self-righteous bastard) respectively. Then killed Adam after he won his game, which should have given him freedom but John reneged on like he always does like the pissy little bitch he is, Amanda killed him for reasons up to speculation. However, given John usually tests people who win a second time or tries to get them to join or some bullshit, it’s more plausible to assume her motive was seeing him as a threat than that it was mercy killing, and it’s only stated in-film to be an emotion based decision, not her actual movtive. Everyone’s opinion on this action is just that—opinion. With varying degrees of factual basis behind the educated level of educated guess.

In Saw 2, she helps John kidnap a bunch of drug addicts like herself who all got false arrests by the same officer at one time or another, along with a poor fucking 15 year old whose crime is having that cop for a dad. She then spent the next two hours watching people whose only crime was drug use, like herself, die horribly of organ deterioration, knowing at any time she could have stopped it and saved them all because she knew how to get the antidotes. Bitch even holds one girl in her arms and stokes her head and pretends to care about her while she hacks up deteriorated lung and blood and fucking dies, when at any moment she could have chosen to let her live. Literally no one should be more sympathetic to them than her. She knows how addicted to drugs feels, and the help you need. Anyway, she doesn’t, she lets them die and plays with them, and then when it’s to her, the 15 year old—who multiple times saves or helps her when hurt by other participants, and is nothing but kind—and one other man, the man shows up to kill her to get an antidote, and the poor fucking 15 year old child kills him with a saw to save her, traumatizing himself to a breakdown afterwords, and instead of being even thankful, she attacks and knocks him out, ties him up and attaches an oxygen tank so he won’t suffocate, and locks him in a fucking like tiny ass safe to be a game piece for another trial and leaves him there. His dad, who admittedly needs to serve jail time but isn���t a fucking murderer at least & does love his son, shows up distraught looking for his kid he’s afraid is dead, and she sneak attacks and takes him down, then leaves him chained up in a nasty lost bathroom to starve slowly to death, and doesn’t even do him the decency of telling him his kid isn’t dead. When he breaks his foot to get free and comes hobbling wounded after her, she sneak attacks again and he nearly wins, but she fucks up his broken foot and starts to leave, then comes back and beats him (she thinks) to death becuase he said she would never be Jigsaw, and she’s that petty and proud. Kid never gets to know what happened to his dad, and even alive, will definitely die young from the complications one, you know, gets from almost dying of chemical organ deterioration.

In Saw 3, the main victim is a man whose kid was lost in a hit and run. Jigsaw has Amanda kidnap his wife because she’s a surgeon and also was once not as sympathetic as he thought she should be when talking to him about his cancer at the hospital (I’m not even fucking exaggerating—side note, I will beat John Kramer to death myself with my huge fucking meat fists and laugh as I watch his bones crumble to dust). This poor bitch just lost a kid, then separated from her husband because he was a fucking mess consumed with revenge against the poor college kid who accidentally hit his son & totally withdrew from the world, and she wakes up with a collar filled with shotgun shells basically a 360 gun blow off your head collar deal on, and Amanda wheeling her around in the wheelchair she’s tied to. They tell her if she keeps John alive until the person being tested finishes his test, she can go free. The whole movie, Amanda keeps trying to convince John to kill the poor woman even though she complies just because she’s a throughly selfish, petty, conceited, self-pitying bastard with no regard for others, and wants this “Bitch” to die for fun. She feels she’s a threat for John’s attentions, and John isn’t even romantically inclined toward her, but she’s obsessed and doesn’t care. Amanda decides between Saws 2 and 3 that people aren’t fixable—even though she herself was supposedly “helped” by her Jigsaw game and this is hypocritical as fuck—and just starts straight up fucking torture murdering for fun. To the point even John thinks she has to be stopped. Like if John fucking Kramer thinks you’ve gone to far? Jesus help you because no one else can. She still does the torture, but instead of like, chopping off your own hand with a paring knife and getting to live, you chop it off and then still slowly get your head crushed between two beams being screwed closer and closer together. She kills Kerry for fuckall reason except she wants to (Kerry is a detective who did jack shit wrong—she was just on the case. It’s utter bullshit). Kidnaps her, straps a thing with hooks in her ribs that will tear out her rib cage when a timer runs out, and kill her that way, and had her hung up above the ground tied by chains, and tells her if she burns her hand up in a bottle of acid to get the key at the bottom which is hard period in the suit—never mind losing the hand—she can live. And Kerry fucking does, ruins her hand, unlocks the lock, and the suit won’t come off becuase the cunt rigged it. Then Amanda shows up to watch her die for fun just to smile smugly at her and watch her fear. Because she’s a fucking soulless, sadistic, evil, self-centered, self-important asshole.

Obsessed dad let’s a fucking bystander whose only crime was seeing a hit and run and running off freeze to death stripped naked and sprayed with water in a freezer slowly, saves a judge who gave too weak a sentence to the hit and run kid after the man begs, and then lets the poor fucking college kid who did it and already feels awful get his arms twisted till they snap off, legs twisted till the same, and then his head twisted around back so far it twist snap kills him. The rack is fucking beyond inhumane death. Amanda monitors this while threading Lynn (the poor doctor lady) for fun and crying over poow wittwe John who is dying of cancer (thank you god for doing what we couldn’t), and being miserable. Eventually, Hoffman sends her a letter saying if she doesn’t kill Lynn, he’ll tell John that she was one of the people there to steal drugs the night his wife got injured and miscarried (he probably already knew 🙄), and becuase Amanda cares about nothing more than Amanda, she fucking monolgauges at John about how special and sad she is how he needs to fix her and she’s a murderer but she doesn’t care because you know—she’s depressed : ( so she gets a pass for her self she’s UwU sad so her poor little crisis can have a massive torture body count bc she’s that special UwU and why is Lynn not gonna die even though she did her job!??? So unfair! No one changes kill them all but tell me I’m special I’m symapthetic because I’m sad and that makes it fun for me to tear people’s ribs out :’( —and then she fucking shoots Lynn becuase she cares less about an innocent woman’s life than the potential for John to be mad at her :’-( you know—such symapthetic stuff! And then John is like “Ok then fkn die :’(“ and Jeff/unstable dad/Lynn’s husband runs in and shoots her and then kills John.

Anyway! I fucking hate Amanda with a passion, and John. I cannot stand humans who hurt each other for fun, especially when they target those who most need help. But above all I cannot abide a person who is a sadistic, selfish, wholly self-absorbed fuck of a human, and refuses to take any responsibility for their actions or admit how fucking bad they are and has the goddamn nerve to act like a victim. Like if you’re going to be an evil son of a bitch, at least have the decency to admit it. If you’re a self-pitying “im uwu special and sad and better and more important than everyone else” —double points for “& becuase I am attractive I can get away with being a soulless shit without any being held accountable” from fandom or the media itself, tripple if from both—? I will kill you myself. I will rip out your eyes and chew on them. I will kill my self on a bomb to take you too. I will chew off my left arm for the sole purpose of getting to beat you to death with it. The wiki writer bends over back so bad they’re gonna need a brace the rest of their life to make her sound sympthetic, but they’re just a fan. She’s not. At all. She doesn’t have Stockholm, and I see people say “she got manipulated and used : (“ all the time, but without fail so far it’s people who think she’s hot and just want a reason to stan that because somehow a hot white woman with short hair even if canonically infatuated with John Kramer is somehow both a lesbian, and excusable for every horrible torture murder she ever did to feel uwu special in her depressed sad times. She wasn’t manipualated. It happened fast, she wasn’t courted into it, and she didn’t even hesitate to say yes. He offered her an out, made sure she was serious, and she stayed. And then she escalated to the point John took her out to stop her, because it was worse than what he wanted to do. I enjoyed her as a villain but as a person I fucking hate Amanda, and don’t really want to see her get another chance. Bastard doesn’t deserve one. I can’t say there’s no continuum in which she could never improve or be redeemed becuase who the fuck knows, and I like to think there’s a smidgen of hope for anyone, but that said, I do think the more evil you willfully do, the more you lose your humanity, and you can hit a point there’s just no person left. So. Anyway, hah, I don’t think she’s redeemable and frankly don’t want her redeemed. I want to burn her to death myself if I have to die that way too. Also! This was a wildly angry answer but none of it is directed at you. That wiki writer does make her sound symapthetic, I’ve read the wiki too—just I go into a blind rage any time John or Amanda is even mentioned and it takes me a half hour to come back down. I fly into a rage. If I ever go into anaphylactic shock, all a friend has to do is start mentioning the names of Saw villains and my adrenaline will start pumping like jet fuel and I’ll be fine. I just have a whole lot of righteously just rage at horrible awful self-righteous self-absorbed malicious manipulative dehumanizing self-pity bastards who take 0 responsibility for their evil or admit it, and Amanda & John are two at the way top of that rage list. It’s a dark but powerful headspace when I think of them. I become very powerful...but also very enraged. Lol, anyway, here’s the breakdown you didn’t need, but it is throrough!

[stonerbughead]

maria watches friday night lights (#4)

season 2, pt 2!! (2x08-2x15)

ugh Matt is really having his Being A Stupid Teenage Boy season huh?

-lol love a good naked dude being chased scene — in this case, Smash on his recruiting trip being chased around by a potential future teammate. Classic.

(it’s kinda cute that Matt came to pick him up tho)

- the latest in season 2 being off the fucking rails: really? Riggins’ new digs include a meth lab on wheels??

-Landry confessing to murdering someone and then having his sheriff dad drag him out of the station to go home is the whitest shit EVER. Like, Landry is literally *trying* to be punished and they just won’t punish his white, cop-kid ass. ‘Murica. (I mean don’t get me wrong: it WAS self defense against someone literally stalking and trying to rape Tyra, but the point still stands that if Landry was a black kid he’d have been tried as an adult and convicted no doubt)

-YESSSSS a MySpace shoutout! we love to see it

“I hate you” - Santiago (and also me) @ Buddy Garrity

-omg Coach Taylor noticing that things aren’t good at home for Riggins and taking him in, my heart!

-Wow in just one scene Riggins charmed baby Grace, warned Tami’s sister not to shame women for eating a lot (“it can lead to anorexia, especially in girls”) and then offered to go out to the store to get baby formula in the pouring rain. What a man.

-and yes, Shelly, you fully grown woman, it IS a bad idea to lust after a TEENAGE BOY

-wow Riggins protecting Julie from the SUPER DRAMATIC TORNADO that made me laugh. Do we get to have a Riggins-Julie friendship??? bc I’d be down. We need more friendships.

-Thank you, Tami, saying “EW” to her sister watching Riggins work out! Someone has sense to know a fully grown woman shouldn’t be lusting after a teenager! Julie can lust if she wants tho, that’s age appropriate.

-DYING at Landry being aghast that Tyra’s never heard of West Side Story.

-oh god, Lyla — it is totally fair to assume your mom would tell your dad she’s getting remarried, especially if she knew you’d be seeing him — so I’m sorry you’re the one who accidentally set off whatever nonsense Buddy is gonna pull now that he knows his ex wife is “marrying that treehugger.”

“Who’s that?” “Some douchebag named Chip. who names their kid Chip anyway?” Same, Tyra, same.

-Landry, one of my biggest pet peeves is asking someone out while they’re on the clock. Like, come on! let Tyra work, boy.

-Jesus Christ it’s like everywhere Julie looks, she has to see Matt making out with someone. That’s rough.

-and oop Matt you busted bc Julie actually knows who Carlotta is!

-once a cheater, always a cheater, Buddy. And yes to Pam for being like “nah bye I’m happy now, it is over.” You treated her like garbage so here we are, sir!

-hilarious that Landry is the one who ends up throwing the first punch that gets the post-tornado, school-crossover tensions to finally boil over

-I like that they show both the fall formal and the party where everyone who didn’t go to the formal is. Nice.

-Aw poor Julie got drunk af to deal with all her feelings. This really is the season where they have Julie and Matt being sixteen year olds in the most painful ways. So maybe it’s good they’re not together during this tho I’m still looking forward to when the tide turns their way again.

-anyway, Tim is a good friend for getting the creep who thought he was “one beer away from getting laid” off of Julie.

-And....in true Texas dad fashion, Eric Taylor misinterprets everything! Noooo. We can’t have nice things.

-This Noelle-Smash partnership is definitely an interesting pairing. Two very ambitious football people courting all these recruiters while Smash’s mom side eyes them in the corner? Hilarious.

-omg not this Oklahoma tech recruiter harassing smash’s mom in the grocery store! GTFO here! Give her some fucking personal space. They really do such a good job of showing as much of the toxic shit about football culture as the inspiring, big moments.

-Aw and I love that Tami tried to help Mama Smash get the guy to go away. It’s such a familiar scene, women helping each other get a dude harassing them away. And then they have a heart to heart in the parking lot? Love that.

-omg what a throwback that Shelly TAPED OVER Eric’s football game to tape a NEW EPISODE of The Office! Love it. “Y’all should get a TiVo.”

-omg watching Tami and Eric work out arguments is so beautiful, they communicate very well! We stan a good marriage.

-wow seeing the other coach from tornado school lose his shit publicly after he knocked down Riggins was uh....wild???? This is the second time he put his hands on Riggins!

-awww Eric actually coming to apologize to riggins for overreacting about Julie when he hears the real story??? Love it.

-Weevil from Veronica Mars shows up as a friend of Santiago’s? Of course.

-WOW and Logan from Gilmore girls as a Christian radio host...tracks.

“Is that your way of telling her you like her?” Jason making a surprisingly astute observation about Tim. (And Lyla.)

-yo why would you invite your daughter’s boyfriend’s family over for dinner just to say they shouldn’t date? (And bc it’s an interracial relationship.) Southern culture is wild to me lol

-wow the racist coach from last season is now off spouting his mouth about how “no wife of mine would be working with a kid at home.” I love that Eric calls him out as sounding stupid and ignorant — you better!

-hearing that Lyla burned her cheerleading uniform is one of the most badass things she’s done so far tbh along with that dealership destruction

-off the rails update: 2x12 was toooo much!! Like, Jesus between Smash’s sister getting harassed at the movie theater by the racists who hate on smash and Noelle...and this plotline with Santiago and his old friends trashing Buddy’s place...it’s like, can we breathe.

-I could not be more excited for Carlotta to leave and another teenage boy with adult woman relationship to end.

-wow can’t believe the plotline where Riggins stole $3000 from a drug dealer isn’t ending well for him. And now Smash is getting arrested bc of those racist guys from the movie theater episode? One recap I read said that too many of this season’s plots feel contrived and I think that sums it up.

-is there any character who HASN’T worked at Buddy Garrity’s dealership at this point?!

-and yikes at all the other salespeople being mad that a salesperson in a wheelchair was hired...y’all mad ugly and ableist for that

-Tyra and Landry are....confusing

-Wait Logan from GG is an actual preacher and not just a Christian radio host? CREEPY. And he kissed Lyla? A lot to unpack there.

-lol Tim trying to woo Lyla is kinda funny to watch simply bc Tim is clearly so confounded by rejection

-I love how much space they give for Smash’s sister’s pain in the Noelle-Smash theater incident. A lesser show wouldn’t have centered her as much.

-is it mean of me to say Jason is boring AF most of the time

-yeah this dreads girl is seemingly way more compatible with Landry than Tyra yikes! Like she made him a power metal mix cd???

-wow this Smash storyline where mouthing off to the press is what gets him suspended....really checks out bc teenage boys are dumb

-I love Tami as a volleyball coach and getting to see another sport! Also as someone who’s been on a losing team I know that feeling of finally winning a game!!! Go Dillon volleyball!!! (Am I maybe currently writing a Bughead fic based on my underdog field hockey experiences? ;) yes yes I am)

-Oh shit now Saracen’s at the nihilistic Nothing Matters phase of teenage angst. Right on schedule!

-lol these two short haired blondes (white dreads Jean and Tyra) being in a love triangle with Landry is wild

-Omg jean just said, “are you a friend or are you competition?” She is not playing!

-I love Riggins dragging Saracen to practice

“I don’t want you to become at an at-risk youth” -Landry teasing Saracen while also sincerely caring about him is some of the best friendship banter on this show. The accuracy 😂

-It seems like Julie gets a lot of hate? But I think I have such a soft spot for Julie bc I was a bitchy teenager with undiagnosed mental health disorders and I just wish so much #growth for her! Also I really do miss her and Saracen’s relationship, I’m so excited I’m almost at S3 where it seems like it’s happening again?

-LOL this guy at the dmv is the first person in Dillon to be like, “no I hate football.” That tracks.

-wow Saracen is getting driven to the hospital to make sure his grandma is okay by the sex worker who was just giving him a lap dance. Amazing.

-also I hope grandma is okay!

-okay Tyra throwing her hat in the ring for Landry at the last minute? Idk I think Jean deserves the win but there’s no way it’ll happen bc she’s a guest actor?!

-awww Saracen’s abandonment issues coming out whiles he in the tub after being sobered up by Eric Taylor. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” 😭 and “your daughter left me for a better guy” - will take that crumb — first mention of Julie out of Saracen’s mouth in a minute

-hey, Landry, my friend: flirting with a girl (Jean) to get her outside then dumping her immediately is kind of a wild bait and switch. But I get it, he’s been in love with Tyra for a long time and Tyra IS right — they had a very fucked up start to their relationship so it makes sense she needed a minute to process her ~feelings~. however I definitely identified closer to a jean in my high school experience L O L (minus the unacceptable white dreads)

-these Julie and Tami driving scenes are painfully accurate, btw. Love them.

-wow the scene of Smash hyping everyone up, the adrenaline/energy of the team cheering with helmets and a classic “clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” - then the whole team running out onto the field and leaving an empty locker room with just Smash breaking down into tears....#art

-alright y’all I’m gearing up for the last episode of S2! Thanks to @lockitin for reminding me this is the writers’ strike season — I was in eighth grade then and remember being pissedddd about the shortened fourth season of “the office” — so I’m fully prepared for the abruptness to come.

-I love when they parallel showing the white church and the black church

-and Tim going to church just to see Lyla makes me laugh

-ooooof Jason you cannot put on this waitress you had a one night stand with the fact that this could be your only chance to have a baby!!! Omg this poor woman who just pointed out she, too, is NINETEEN.

-wait so is Riggins doing a sports show on a Christian radio station? What?

“I think you’re really hot. Your long hair reminds me of Jesus” -Christian girls being horny for Riggins LOL

-awww Saracen being like “okay Landry you’re gonna impress Tyra right now” before that football play was a cute friendship moment for those two

-aww I love how this Smash storyline is turning out with Coach Deeks whose had his eye on him for six years my heart 😭

-also unclear to me whether Logan Huntzberger the Preacher is a fully grown adult dating a high school senior?? Biggest teen drama pet peeve once again! Stop this!

-Tami is my heroine for just leaving Eric at the restaurant fighting with her ex. “see you at home, honey!”

-I’m sorry, is Jason gonna like actually convince this girl to have a baby with her one night stand at 19??? Oh lol wait THAT ended up being the cliffhanger of the whole season? Fucking hilarious.

well I made it through season 2!!! Super psyched for Season 3, Jay has been hyping me up for it. See y’all next time! (I’ll try to post more for season 3 bc this accidentally got long af.)

[blxckdamask]

Second fic bc my last one did surprisingly well.

Bakudeku angst with a lil fluff at the end. dont know how to write a synopsis so yall are just gonna have to read it.

word count: 4650 

Katsuki’s day was going pretty well so far. He had a day off so he caught up on housework, reorganising his and Izuku’s wardrobe, watched that new tv show he was meaning to watch and even managed to squeeze in grocery shopping with some time to relax.

It was currently 6pm and Izuku should’ve been home half an hour ago. Katsuki was starting to worry. Izuku always called him when he was going to be late, he had since they were younger and it was a habit that stuck, so him being thirty minutes late without a word had Katsuki mildly irritated and majorly worried.

Katsuki shot him a quick text asking where he was and put his phone on the coffee table just in case Izuku decides to call him. Izuku had a habit of texting back quickly, a habit that sometimes got on Katsuki’s nerves because he can never get out what he wants to say without his husband interrupting half way through with some stupid response, but in times like these he needed his husband to respond right away saying he was okay.

Katsuki checks his phone every minute, getting angrier every time. He had to physically restrain himself from blasting a hole in their new couch. He sighed angrily and ran a shaking hand through his spiky hair. Where the fuck is he?  

Another hour passes before Katsuki’s phone starts to ring. He grabbed it so fast he almost sent it across the living room. He doesn’t bother to check the caller ID before answering the call.

“Shitty nerd, where the fuck are you!? I’ve been worrying for an hour and a half and I swear to god if you aren’t home in the next ten minutes I’m going to blast your ass into next week, mark my fucking words Deku!” Katsuki screamed into the phone regretting it instantly when he heard soft whimpers and something that sounded suspiciously close to a sob on the other end.

“K-kacchan, c-can you-” Izuku groaned in pain “-can you pick m-m-me up ple-” a blood curdling scream ripped through Izuku’s throat and it made Katsuki’s blood boil. He didn’t know what was happening to Izuku and god did he want to murder the fuck out of the people that did this to him, but right now he had to focus on getting his husband home safe.

“Izuku, fuck, I’m gonna be there real soon, tell me where you are okay? Just hold on for me please” Katsuki said frantically, he heard Izuku tell him the address and before he could process what he was doing, he was jumping off the couch and grabbing his keys. He stayed on the phone, his ears focusing on the cries, whimpers and screams of his love. He didn’t bother putting a shirt or shoes on and at this rate he didn’t really care about breaking a few laws.

“Kacchan I-I need you t-t-t-to get here fast I d-don’t-t know where this b-b-blood is c-coming from. Oh god there’s so-so much” Izuku gasped in pain and Katsuki could hear him struggling to breathe, that only fueled him to go faster.

“Hang on baby, I’m on my way I’ll be there really really soon, just breathe. Take deep breaths with me okay?” Katsuki breathed in dramatically, smiling slightly when he heard Izuku do the same, he exhaled slowly, coaxing his husband to do the same.

After two or so minutes of helping Izuku breathe, he pulled up to where he was. An abandoned building on the outskirts of town, how Izuku ended up there was a mystery and not the most important thing on Katsuki’s to-do list but he made a mental note to ask him about it when he wasn’t on the brink of fucking dying.

Katsuki exited his car, regretting not putting on shoes because he immediately stepped on a piece of glass. He cursed loudly, his foot throbbing but he pushed the pain to the side, he can deal with it after. He walked rather quickly through the dark building, thanking god it was only one storey. He was still on the phone to Izuku, the noises Katsuki heard would probably haunt him forever, the screams, cries, sobs, all of it was making Katsuki sick to his stomach.

“Izuku, I’m here, tell me where you are, scream out I don’t care just tell me where you are please” Katsuki was hysterical at this point, running around like a chicken with no head, frantically trying to find his no doubt dying husband.

“I’m at the end of the hall just keep w-walking and you will find me just please-” a groan “-quickly” Izuku rasped. He hung up. Tears pricked Katsuki’s eyes as he picked up his pace, sprinting down the horror movie esque hallway. He ran for about three minutes before he saw Izuku. He sprinted towards him and dropped to his knees in front of him.

“Jesus Christ Izu,” Katsuki started, his eyes wandering to the array of injuries littering his husband’s body. His hero costume was shredded, his hair was all over the place, his arm was clearly broken and there was so much blood Kasuki didn’t know how many wounds he had, “holy fuck, what the fuck happened?” Katsuki asked although he wasn’t really expecting an answer.

“K-k-kacchan please i-it hurts s-s-so bad” Izuku gasped. His face was so sore from god knows how many injuries, his arms hurt, his abdomen was burning with white hot pain that almost made him pass out, and his head pounded so hard he thought his head was going to explode.

Katsuki gritted his teeth. “I know it does baby, I know, just hold on a little longer, we gotta get you the fuck outta here.” Katsuki moved quickly but with caution. He hooked an arm under Izuku’s knees and an arm around his waist, picking him up bridal style. Izuku gasped in pain and Katsuki winced, he’d apologise later.

“‘M sleepy Kacchan” Izuku slurred, the pain and exhaustion from trying to stay conscious hitting him all at once, the blood loss probably wasn’t helping either.

“I know but stay awake, Izu. Keep those eyes open c’mon” Katsuki said struggling to get out of the building as fast as he could without disrupting any of his husband’s injuries.

“K-kacchan,” Izuku whispered, his head falling to rest on Katsuki’s bare shoulder, “I love you”

“I love you too, Deku.” Katsuki replied looking down to see Izuku’s eyes start to shut, “Stay awake, c’mon a couple more minutes then you can sleep, I promise” He felt Izuku nod against his shoulder and he lent down to press a soft kiss on his forehead.

They finally made it outside without Izuku falling asleep. Katsuki ran to his car and opened the back door. He maneuvered the man in his arms so he could lay him down across the back seat. Once he was secured, Katsuki closed the door and raced the the driver’s side. He jumped in, turned on the car and sped down the highway towards the hospital. He held Izuku’s hand the entire way making sure he didn’t fall asleep.  

“Just a little more, Izuku. You’re doing so great, we’re almost there” Katsuki squeezed Izuku’s hand softly waiting a couple of seconds before he felt Izuku squeeze back weakly. Katsuki turned his head to look at the injured man, only to see him asleep. Katsuki swore under his breath and sped up, not really caring if he was breaking about all of the road rules, fucking give him a ticket he doesn’t give a shit the only thing he cares about is making sure his fucking husband stays alive.

—–

Once they made it to the hospital, Katsuki ran into the hospital with a limp Izuku in his arms, screaming at the top if his lungs that someone needs to help him. The almost lifeless body being cradled in his arms, the screaming and the dramatic entrance seemed to alert quite a few staff members.  About eight doctors and nurses crowded around the heros and before Katsuki could even comprehend what was going on, a nurse was taking Izuku from his arms and almost throwing him on a gurney wheeling him away. Katsuki tried to run after it but a forceful hand on his chest stopped him.

“Sir, you need to take a seat someone will be with you as soon as they can” a younger looking doctor said calmly, his hand not moving from its place on Katsuki’s bare chest. Katsuki glared at him.

“If you know what’s best for you, you’d quit touching me” Katsuki growled and the doctor quickly took his hand off his chest, muttering a quick apology.

“Please, sir you need to calm down and come with me, he’s going to be okay” the doctor tried again, more forceful this time. Katsuki ran a bloody hand through his hair but complied and followed the doctor. The room he was lead into was pretty plain. A few seats, some fucking pot plants and a tv playing some shitty reality show. Katsuki rolled his eyes and huffed.

“When can I see him?” Katsuki asked, his voice rough and forceful. The doctor sighed and turned towards him.

“Like I said before, someone will see you soon and tell you everything but right now, you need to take a seat. Now, what is the patient’s name and what is your relation to him?” The doctor said looking down at the clipboard in his hand, obviously not in the mood to deal with temperamental people at this hour.

“De-fuck, Izuku Bakugou. He’s my husband.” Katsuki finally answered, sitting down on a chair closest to the door. He looked down at the ground and remembered his foot still had glass in it and was currently bleeding onto the carpet.

“Thank you. I just need your name and I’ll send someone in as soon as i can” the doctor said, not looking up from his clipboard.

“What the fuck do you mean you need my name!? I’m the fucking number 2 hero! You should know me!”Katsuki yelled, his temper getting the better of him.

“Sir, I don’t care what your occupation is, I need your name or I’ll have to call security”

Katsuki sighed dramatically, “Katsuki Bakugou.” The doctor looked up from his clipboard and flashed the hero a smile before dashing out of the room. Katsuki sighed. He needs to tell someone. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled Uraraka’s number. It rang three times before she picked up.

“Hey, Katsuki! What’s up?” Her cheerful voice came through the speaker, calming Katsuki’s nerves a small bit.

“H-hey Cheeks. Um, fuck, Deku is in the hospital and he, um, isn’t looking too good” Katsuki managed to choke out, his eyes starting to well up with tears. The adrenalin wearing off and all of the exhaustion and emotion hitting him at once.

“What!?”, he had to pull his phone away from his ear in fear of becoming deaf with how loud she screamed, “What the fuck do you mean Deku is in the hospital?”

“I mean he’s in the fucking hospital, damn woman learn how to fucking listen. He got really fucked on a small one day mission and now he’s at the hospital” Katsuki said, the bite in his voice not really present as he was trying to hold back tears. He didn’t cry very often if at all but he deemed this situation to be a pretty reasonable excuse.

Ochako gasped. “What happened? How did you find him? Did you call Inko?” her questions came at rapid speed, Katsuki had to take several moments to figure out what she actually said before he answered her.

“I don’t know what happened he was bleeding out and I didn’t get the chance to ask him since I was more focused on making sure my husband didn’t fucking die in an abandoned fucking building!” Katsuki screamed, alerting some patients and people in the waiting room but he didn’t care, he was too angry to care. He did, however, regret his tone when he heard soft sobs coming from the phone. “Ochako, I’m, fuck, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell at you. Shitty Deku getting himself almost killed is a lot to take in right now.”

Ochako sighed. “I know and I’m sorry you even have to go through this. Have you gotten any updates from the doctors?”

“No, we got here about ten minutes ago and then a shitty doctor told me to wait in an empty room which is starting to creep me the fuck out” Katsuki replied, a soft smile appearing on his face when he heard a small giggle coming from the phone.

“Do you want me to be there? It’s fine if you don’t want me to, I just don’t like the thought of you being alone.” Ochako asked, even though she sounded like she was begging Katsuki to let her come. Katsuki sighed and ran a hand down his face, leaving a trail of blood.

“Fine, but on your way can you bring me some clothes, I’m kinda only in pants right now.” Katsuki said, his face heating up with embarrassment. He heard Ochako giggle.

“Okay. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. See you soon” Ochako hung up before Katsuki could thank her. He sighed and put his phone back into his pocket. As if on queue, a nurse walked through the door, a bright, obviously fake, smile plastered on her face.

“Alright sir, if you could come with me that would be great” she said before exiting the room. Katsuki didn’t think he could get out of a chair faster than he did. He jogged out of the room, trying to keep up with her with his injured foot. The hospital was pretty quiet considering, the only sounds being the noises from the machines and the loud talking of nurses. He felt a bit calmer now.

“Can I see him?” Katsuki asked, his voice was small and frail. He didn’t want to rush the poor nurse that looked like she’d dealt with one too many assholes today and Katsuki didn’t want to make her day any harder than it had to be, so he kept his normal loudness to a very minimum.

She turned to him when they reached the elevator and flashed him a smile. “You can see him now. He’s sleeping now but he should wake up soon” the elevator dinged and the doors opened. They stepped in and the nurse pressed the button for the fourth floor. Katsuki averted his eyes from her and looked straight ahead, his mind going a mile a minute. Katsuki heard the nurse gasp. He turned to her to see her looking at his injured foot, her eyes wide.

“Oh gosh! Your foot is bleeding. Are you okay?” she asked, her voice full of so much concern Katsuki was taken aback.

“Uh, yeah it’s just a bit of glass, I’ll be fine” he said, trying to sound confident, but in reality, his foot hurt really bad.

“Oh no sweetie, you need that looked at. I’ll send a doctor to the room as soon as we get there.” she said and the elevator doors opened.

“So what happened to him” Katsuki questioned, folding his arms across his chest. The nurse stopped in front of a room, the door was shut, making Katsuki feel uneasy.

“He has minor head trauma, his left wrist is broken, his right wrist was sprained and he has a stab wound in his right side, just above his kidney, not to worry it didn’t harm any organs. Fortunately, most of the blood wasn’t his. There is one question a couple of the doctors had. Do you know if your husband has or had any history of mental illness?” Katsuki swore he stopped breathing for a moment. Izuku having a mental illness would be completely reasonable but he would tell him about it, right?

Katsuki inhaled deeply. “Not that I know of, why?” the nurse gave him a sympathetic look. She hesitantly placed a hand on Katsuki’s arm, making him tense up but his mind was way too preoccupied with the fact that this woman just asked if Izuku was mentally fucking incapacitated.

“We ask you this because when the nurses were cutting his clothing, they found his arms riddled with scars and we feared they might be self inflicted” the nurse avoided eye contact, almost looking afraid. The blonde chuckled.

“Nah they aren’t. He scars really easily and because we’re heros, he gets injured a fuckton. Don’t worry he isn’t self harming, although he does have really bad anxiety if you need to know” Katsuki said, his voice light. The nurse smiled a genuine smile before removing her hand. She opened the door and gestured for Katsuki to walk in.

Katsuki froze not even fully through the door, his eyes fixed on the man in front of him. Izuku looked peaceful as he slept but he looked different to when he’s fall asleep beside Katsuki. Besides the obvious fact that they were in a hospital and he looked beat up, he looked as if something was bothering him, like the mission was still happening, just in his head this time. His eyebrows were knitted together and his forehead was creased. Katsuki finally got his legs to work and walked towards the right side of the bed.

“I’ll give you some time alone. Is anyone else coming?” the nurse brought his attention back to her as he sat down on a chair next to the bed.

“Um his, um, our friend is coming she should be here in like five minutes” Katsuki said as he grabbed Izuku’s hand in his own carefully, rubbing his knuckles with the pad of his thumb.

“Okay she needs to be quick though, visiting hours are up in thirty minutes. You can stay since you’re family but she has to leave, sorry.” the nurse said, giving Katsuki one final smile before exiting, closing the door behind her.

Katsuki looked down at his husband. The tears that threatened to fall before, finally falling down his face. He didn’t wipe them away, he didn’t care who saw him like this, he was just to fucking happy Izuku wasn’t dead. He brought his and Izuku’s hands to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss against the back of Izuku’s scarred hand. He heard the door open but he didn’t look away from the green haired man laying in front of him. “Hey. I got your clothes. How’s he doing?” he heard Ochako say.

He looked up at her. “Thanks. Um, he has a broken wrist, a concussion and a stab wound but the nurse said he’s gonna be fine.” he said, his voice was cracking with every word. He looked broken, more broken than Ochako had ever seen him before. She walked closer to him almost scared of what he’d do to her.

In all honesty, Katsuki was way too tired and emotional to even think of doing anything bad to her. The brave, confident face he wore everyday was replaced with the face of a broken child. The tears that cascaded down his face, he didn’t wipe off, he didn’t even acknowledge them. Wet spots started to appear on his pants and Ochako was genuinely concerned as to why this got to Katsuki so much. He’d seen Izuku in worse situations, taken him to the hospital more times than she could count and watched him get thrown around like a ragdoll on more than one occasion and he never once shed a tear.

She placed the bag of clothes by the bed and she pulled up a chair next to Katsuki. They sat in a comfortable silence, Ochako occasionally looking over to Katsuki mentally trying to ask if he was okay. She was more than shocked when Katsuki decided to speak up.

“When he was on the phone, he sounded like he was dying and- and then in the car he told me he loved me as if it was the last time he’d say it to me. It was like he accepted the fact that he could’ve died” Katsuki said through tears. His voice croaked and broke all the way but he didn’t care. Ochako reached over and grabbed Katsuki’s free hand, hoping he’d let her hold it. To her surprise, he did.

“You both knew- we all knew what we were getting into when we chose to be heros, Izuku was no different and he didn’t have a quirk” she said her voice was light and reassuring. She smiled when she felt Katsuki squeeze her hand.

“I had a day off today and I told him to stay home with me because we never get to spend time together anymore. He told me he wanted to get a small day mission out of the way and then he’d come home earlier. I’m guessing the mission didn’t go as planned and now he’s here.” Katsuki sighed and squeezed Ochako’s hand once more before he let it go to run a hand through his hair. Ochako got a good look at his face and couldn’t help but laugh at the massive blood streak covering the side of his face. He looked over at her, looking irritated.

“What the fuck you laughing at, round face?” Katsuki asked, the bite to his voice wasn’t as intimidating with the blood on his face and the tears running down his face.

Ochako couldn’t contain her giggles even if she tried. “You look like Todoroki”

Katsuki huffed and glared at her, still unaware as to what she was referring to. Rustling of plastic bags caught his attention. He saw Ochako pull out what looked to be face wipes. “What’re those for?”

“You have blood on your face” she said between giggles. A packet of makeup wipes were shoved into Katsuki’s lap. Katsuki glared at her once more before opening the packet and pulling one out and wiping his face. He did make it worse but they both didn’t give a shit because they heard a soft ‘Kacchan’ coming from the bed in front of them.

Izuku opened his eyes, wincing when the light his his sensitive eyes. He looked around the very white room, the light making his eyes sting. Anxiety rising in his stomach, he felt sick, the white too overpowering. A hand on his shoulder made him turn his head. He was met with crimson eyes, full of panic. The rapid rising and falling of his chest slowing when he realised who it was. Kacchan. A small smile tugged at his lips as he tried to sit up, strong hands gripped his shoulders, stopping him.

“What are you? Fucking crazy? You’re gonna pull some stitches Jesus fucking Christ” he chuckled at Katsuki’s words. He couldn’t really remember anything. There was a mild stinging pain in his side, almost as if someone poked him with a small needle. His eyes met Katsuki’s, the previously panicked eyes softening when they looked into his green ones.

Izuku smiled at him, reaching his hand up to touch Katsuki’s face. “Hey, Kacchan” he said softly, his voice still thick with sleep.

Katsuki smiled down at him, bringing his hand up to his face to cover Izuku’s. “Hey, nerd. How’ya feelin’?”

“Sleepy. And a bit sore. What happened?” Izuku looked around the room, finally realising they were in a hospital. He layed back down in the very uncomfortable bed.

“You got a bit fucked up on a mission today but you’re fine now, I promise” Katsuki said, his voice quivering a small bit but Izuku didn’t notice. Izuku heard a bag rustling and looked behind Katsuki to see Ochako.

“Ochako! Why’re you here?” Izuku’s voice was as bright as it could be with the morphine wearing off. A small giggle escaped the girls lips and she came to stan beside Katsuki.

“I came here to make sure King Explosion Murder didn’t explode or murder anything” she said, her voice teasing. Katsuki didn’t look very impressed but did he ever? He pushed her shoulder with his free hand, making her erupt in more giggles. Izuku’s smile grew wider and before he knew it, he was laughing too. “Oh my god” Katsuki groaned, “it’s like taking care of children for fucks sake” he said and the giggles suddenly stopped. They all heard the door opening, their heads snapping up to see who it was. The same nurse from before stood at the door looking shocked. She quickly composed herself, a smile appearing on her face.

“Oh good, you’re awake. I was just coming to say visiting hours are over and I’m sorry Miss Uraraka, but you have to go, you can come back tomorrow at 9am.” the nurse looked over at the brunette, an apologetic smile on her face.

“Oh! Right, sorry. I’ll see you guys tomorrow, get better Deku.”she said, blowing them both a kiss before grabbing her things, leaving the bag with clothes on the floor and disappearing into the hallway.

“Mister Bakugou you can stay if you would like. I can ask for an extra bed” she smiled. Katsuki nodded at her and she left, leaving the men alone. The hands that were on Katsuki’s face were now resting on the bed. The small strokes of Katsuki’s thumb across Izuku’s knuckles made the green haired man sigh in content. Katsuki leaned down, his and Izuku’s faces millimetres apart. Izuku made the first move. He tilted his head to the side slightly and captured his husband’s lips with his own. Katsuki let go of Izuku’s hand and brought both of them to cup his face, stroking his freckled cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. The kiss was slow and gentle. Their lips fit together like puzzle pieces, moving in perfect sync. They pulled away slowly, letting their foreheads touch and Izuku took this opportunity to rub their noses together, giggling when Katsuki scrunched his nose up in disgust. God he hated when Izuku did that.

“Oh I’m sorry gentlemen, just coming to deliver the bed” their heads turned to see two doctors wheeling a bed into the room. Katsuki moved out of the way and let them past him, watching as they clipped the beds together. The doctors left swiftly. “No-one’s come to fix my fucking foot yet but they sure as hell can deliver a whole ass bed in under 5 minutes” Katsuki said with a huff, making Izuku giggle.

“Cuddle me Kacchan!” Izuku demanded, lifting his good arm and making grabby hands at the irritated man at the foot of the bed. Katsuki walked over to the side of the bed and picked up the bag Ochako left him. He pulled out a plain black t-shirt and pulled it over his head, smirking when he saw Izuku eyeing him.

“Like what you see, nerd?” he teased, making Izuku blush and look away. Katsuki laughed and climbed into the bed, his face contorting to one of disgust when he felt how uncomfortable it was. Izuku giggled at his husband’s face, grabbing his arm and pulling him down so that his head was on the pillow and he was facing Izuku. They moved carefully, Katsuki putting his arm around Izuku’s shoulders, pulling him gently so that his head was resting on his chest. Izuku slung his good arm across Katsuki’s stomach. They sighed in content.

“Next time one of us has a day off, we both do. I don’t give a shit if the entire country is being blown up, we are staying home” Katsuki said. Izuku looked up at him and smiled.

“‘Course” Katsuki planted a kiss into Izuku’s mess of green curls. He was going to be okay.  

[agentdammers]

Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x12 & 13

IF YOU FALL I WILL CATCH U I’LL BE WAITING........ T I M E A F T E R T I M E

One season down...... It’s a Finale Double Whammy, just as it aired back in 2007! Crumbs of Jack Lore drop into our laps, some absolute plot bullshit takes place, an old man is there!!! fuck it let’s get this over with

content warn: pisstaking, fun having, oh! plot bullshit!, i absolutely lose my fucking mind, Owen Harper!!! I Won’t Hesitate Bitch

1x12 “captain jack harkness”

- a thought before we dive in, but man owen gets A LOT of story stuff over the course of the 2 seasons he’s in right??? like more story stuff than ianto and tosh combined. interesting

- AH FUCK!!! A VOTE SAXON POSTER. REMEMBER WHEN?

- so..... here’s a thing. “Ohhh people have heard music from a derelict building! better send torchwood in!” how... does that come about? Could it be squatters or something??? fuck it, let’s send in a Secret Government Agency! they’ll sort it out. i mean we don’t know what they do exactly but i imagine at least one of them is a ghostbuster or something lmao, whatever

- OH NO THIS CREEPY OLD BITCH!!! i forgot how scary he looked!! god, this dude must be a million, or a vampire, or likely both

- tosh’s eyes get SO BIG WHEN THAT GUY ASKS HER TO DANCE I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! she’s the best one!!!!!!

- wish i could wipe this episode entirely from my memory because that fucking reveal when the Real jack harkness introduces himself? F    U    C   K

- speaking of tosh, finding it extremely unconvincing that she, a tech nerd, would go out with a laptop with an almost completely flat battery... like, c’mon. she would be prepared

- Gwen cooper, a fully adult woman: haha me and my friends;;;; came here 4 a dare;;; cos its spooky lol....

- the camera on this show has me fucking SCREEEAMING “He wears a cravat.” THERE’S A DRAMATIC SLOW MOTION ZOOM IN ON THIS GUYS FUCKING CRAVAT AND THEN ON IANTO’S FACE LOOKING AT IT AND ITS ALL IN FUCKING EARNEST LET ME DIE!!!!!!!!!

- the dance they’re at is called “KISS THE BOYS GOODBYE DANCE”, which is what my finishing move would be called if i was a character in a fighting game

- ianto and owen slapfighting over their shit girlfriend experiences fucking owns genuinely lmao

- tosh pops the top off a tin and then cuts her hand open on the obviously blunt fucking lid?????? jesus christ

- “I’m tired of living in awe of the rift!!!” .....................first i’ve heard of it. I love that owen is talking as though the rift has been a major fucking factor throughout the entire series up until this point, rather than a thing that’s just been vaguely fucking referenced as the reason why a bunch of weird shit just seems to happen in cardiff. no, im not standing for this. You can’t pull out the rift at the eleventh hour and then talk about it as though it’s a Hugely Important plot device when the biggest role it’s had over the stretch of the entire 11 Whole Ass episodes prefacing this was to allow the plane to come through in “out of time”. y’all have barely mentioned the rift this entire time and now you want to act like its the hellmouth??? eat my ass!!!!!!

- and continuing on that note: apparently they’ve had a machine that can manipulate the rift in the hub......... the entire goddamn time. but no one thought to MENTION it i guess!!!!!!!! pfft, why would THAT be important??? right???? right?????

this plot bullshit almost makes me feel bad for how harsh i was about “cyberwoman” but, i will admit.... despite this Absolute Fucking Nonsense, i do find the jack and tosh storyline in this episode really fun and interesting. its just unfortunate that all the stuff arrrrround that is some kind of fic scrawled in the back of a kid’s math book.

- also the size of owen’s fucking NADS in this episode!!!!!!!! “Don’t compare yourself to me.” SAYS MAN CRYING OVER THE GIRL HE KNEW FOR ONE (1!) (SINGULAR) WEEK!!!! as opposed to ianto’s longterm girlfriend being turned into a monster and eventually murdered by his own team!!!! Like, i understand that’s owen’s problem actually goes beyond that, and its not so much about diane herself but about the fact that he let himself feel close to someone again after his fiancee died but for us, The Audience, watching this as it airs... we haven’t unlocked owen’s tragic backstory yet. and without knowing all that it just makes owen look really bad and like a huge fucking tool lmfao.

- NEVERMIND THE END IS GAY AND SAD AND Y’KNOW!!!!!! i am a man of simple pleasures, at heart, and so... i’ll let it slide. jack meeting his namesake knowing that he’s going to die and them having a moment is more of the kind of emotional content we would get in episodes of doctor who, and its Just Right

- in honesty, theres a bunch of stuff about this ep that i DO like. that tosh gets a prominant role for a change, while gwen gets to do fuck all. the whole Real Jack story. owen gets shot and pops a tit out at the end. its just unfortunate thats its all wrapped up in this rift thing thats been wheeled out last minute for a Big Season Finale with no real foreshadowing or build up to it at all lmao. but, moving on...............................................................................................

1x13 “end of days”

- RHYS BUNS DETECTED, A SOUND WAY TO KICK OFF ANY EPISODE

- lovely reading voice ianto’s got..... i also like owen acting up to make sure we know that they remember him being shot in the shoulder last episode lol.

- “owen, if you open the rift you’ll break it” (owen opens the rift anyway) “owen, you opening the rift broke it” (owen GASPS IN DISMAY, ME??? REALLY?) yes bitch open your ears

- “So are we going to sit around crying into our lattes or are we gonna do something about it?” OWEN..... IS THIS. SUPPOSED TO SOUND BADASS I.... GENUINELY CANT TELL? IT SOUNDS BAD, OWEN

- jack was so likeable last ep now he’s a DICK. gwen calls him out on how he talked to owen and he’s really fucking catty at HER for no reason at all????

- i haaaaaaaaate this scene in the hospital where a Mystery Illness has all the fucking symptoms of the bubonic plague but apparently every doctor in the entire hospital never did high school level history and are all incapable of recognising it. if fucking *i* know what symptoms of the bubonic plague are im sure they didn’t need Absolute Brain Genius Owen Harper who is seemingly the only person with any sense in cardiff to come in and diagnose it. i also hate how owen just like casually mentions to the doctor yep, this is caused by people falling through time dude yknow!!! like they do!! expect more of this to keep happening probably idk!!

- “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU OPENED THE RIFT WITH THIS MACHINE WE HAVE THAT’S FOR UHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHH OPENING THE RIFT *big fuck off galaxy brain*” thats basically this episode.

- i love that owen has followed jack all this time but NOW in a crisis is the time to actually lose it and start questioning his authority bc they dont Actually know who jack is like???? you’ve been fine not knowing this entire time before??? thats not to say that jack isn’t an entire dumbass himself. he expects them all to follow him blindly and its so creepy. he’s like a cult leader, and as they all have Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that ive mentioned in previous episode run downs they’ve all just gone along with it.

- owen having a little cry on the way out is such a Good scene bc he puts on such a brave and defiant front tho 💕💖💘💕

- i dont know why the really quick flashback to diane flying off in the plane made me lose my fucking mind, its just like “LMAO IN CASE U FORGOT: SHE WAS THE PLANE LADY. I KNOW SHE WAS ONLY IN FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES, BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT IT.”

- gwen for fucks sake!!!!!!!! not again!!!!! after all the cryptic shit and lies she’s told rhys up until this point, she now knocks him out and locks him in a cell and STILL offers no explanation. this poor fucking dude!!!!!!!!! and it’s about to get even worse for him...

- the way gwen screams “RHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUURRRRRSSSSS”

- YES EVERYONE REBEL AGAINST JACK!!!!!!! FUCK THIS DUDE!!!! you’re doing what a creepy old dude who is Absolutely Definitely evil wants, but still

- why does gwen start doing shit on the computer when toshiko, the computer expert, is standing right there, like.............

- JACK TRYING TO SMACKTALK TO ENTIRE GANG LIKE HIS OWN CLOSET ISN’T CHOCKFUL OF FUCKING SKELETONS

- i forget, does anyone know jack’s immortal apart from gwen? or was it just the shock of owen actually Shooting Their Boss? the only onscreen death i can recall of his after suzie shot him was in “cyberwoman”

- god, minutes ago they were all like FUCK JACK!!!! JACK DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SAVE US AFTER ALL!!! and now theyre all crawling back asking jack to save them all from cgi pig Ganon and its just..... a lot to happen, over the space of about half an hour.

- the ending is so anticlimatic and also why does sucking all the Yummy Life Energy out of jack make abaddon die?????????? Though in its defence... after like 3 bowls of cereal, i too am like OUCH OOF MY BONES

- aaaaaaaaaand rhys is back! will he get treated any better from here on out? i dont remember!!! guess we’ll see.

- bit much of gwen who’s actually known jack the shortest time of them all to be like NO, let ME be with him uwuwuwuuw

- ahhh!!! ianto smelling jack’s coat ;_;

- aaaand jack’s back too. AND HE GETS TO HOLD A CRYING OWEN? FOR ME? oh you shouldn’t have! this Almost makes up for all that rift plot bullshit (almost. i still know what u did.)

- ANDDDDD OH SHIT. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GOOD ENDING. HERE COMES THE TARDIS. FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...............................and there it goes. one season down. sorry this one was so long!!! i love and appreciate anyone to takes the time to read these posts. thank u!!!!

[corpora-caelestia]

the reason i like medieval catholicism so much is because of its affective obsessions with christ, pain/violence/torture as a beautiful/good thing, and complete Resurrection.  i don’t think i’ve ever written it out or said it all so i guess this is me doing that, in case anyone is curious since my obsession with jesus and biblical stuff is all over my tumblr lol

1) obsession with christ -- there are literally too many for me to cover here bc people write books upon books about it, but medieval christians really went hard for jesus.  jesus as “beau dieu” (handsome god), christ as mother, bodiless christ, jesus as semi-erotic subject of desire, christ as mystic vision.  it goes on and on, and it’s all so interesting.  it blurs the gender binary, blurs assumptions about what bodies look like, how they function, it rearranges desire, transcends and connects.  i write a lot about queer jesus, i have some stuff over at @jesusruleslovehisbook which is aptly named lol

2) pain/violence/torture as beautiful/good -- again, this one is a big one, and contested and there are a lot of scholarly opinions about the role and meaning of torture and capital punishment in medieval society.  i’m in mitchell merback’s ideological camp, which he talks about in “the thief, the cross and the wheel” which if anyone is interested they can read.  anyways, capital punishment is how jesus himself died, and violence against his body and that of martyrs is depicted everywhere.  high to late middle ages gets buck wild with the intensity and accuracy of that violence, especially in germany.  that time and location was my specialty.  but yeah instead of violence being a senseless act, something too painful to process, the church makes it aesthetic and gruesome, sure, but good.  a quick marker for saved souls.  mini cults, like what there were for martyrs and saints, popped up for executed criminals who would repent theatrically before their death and that’s freaking wild.  medieval christianity took something that erases identity, self, life, and made it into something exalted and identifying and holy.  which is interesting for me bc it’s a way of dealing with violence that me and others i love experience as marginalized folks, violence from random people and from the state, which we honestly can’t avoid or escape.  but that we can make beautiful and make meaning out of for our own purposes.

3) complete Resurrection -- this takes the weird cake, trust me.  medieval christians believed that at final judgment, people would be resurrected from the dead, like their literal fleshy bodies, and be rejoined with their souls, into a complete, “perfect,” version of themselves and be judged, either going to the physical heaven or dying the final death (not going to hell, just straight up not existing).  that’s WILD.  medieval scholars debated what parts become ours at final judgment, like if we take all our fingernail clippings with us, or the food we ate, and all that shit.  like, it raises the question, where do our bodies begin and end?  what is us, and what is not us?  that’s something we still don’t have a good answer for to this day!  and it’s something queer and crip theorists talk about a lot.  it’s real shit, y’all.  they also had to figure out what  perfect body looked like, like what age?  what if we were born with “defects?”  do we have to have 10 fingers and toes?  do we have 20/20 vision?  or are we like we were on earth?  the bible doesn’t! fucking!! say!!!  and moreover, Resurrection puts back together the bodies which have experienced loss and dismemberment through violence.  heads put back on necks, bones mended, gouges closed.  it’s the goal behind making violence look good -- to emulate Resurrection in a way before we actually get there.  

considering all of this, and trying to think of it both like how medieval people might have as well as how we can think of it as modern people, literally changed my life.  switched my perspective around.  made me feel like the trauma and pain i’ve experienced can be crafted, through actual effort on my part and through art and through connecting to these other texts and writers and jesus, could be made into something beautiful - something whole - something with salvation in it.  that’s some powerful stuff.

to see how you can be queer, scorn gender, get hurt, even die, and still come back to life, be a saint, be happy, be kind, take your pain into your own hands and love it for how it has reshaped who you are -- that’s what it’s all about, in my eyes.  

and medieval catholicism showed me that (along with heavy doses of queer and crip theory and my own personal musings of course)

also, hmu if you want articles or sources on whatever i’ve said in this post.  i got so many readings.  and i can explain it better too.  or explain what my thesis was about (or send you a pdf of it).

[mmmmbop]

songs that would have been really big while jack + kent were in juniors -- or at least in high school -- and that make me feel way too emo:

you and me by lifehouse (there’s a 100% chance that kent hardcore associated this song with jack)

beverly hills by weezer...... PLEASE.....

my humps. like. if you don’t think that kent dedicated this song to jack’s ass, idk what to tell u.

jack might pretend to be completely unaware of pop culture, but he also sang the entirety of jesse mccartney’s beautiful soul to kent one time. he just wanted to see kent blush, but he kind of meant every word.

one of the first times they kissed was after a party where they’d been looking at each other with gut-churning levels of sexual tension as rihanna’s sos blared around them

lips of an angel by hinder 😞 😞

when stickwitu by the pussycat dolls comes on the car radio, kent turns the volume WAY up but says nothing

speaking of car radios, jack will always hate the song jesus take the wheel bc every time it came on when kent was driving, kent would close his eyes, put his hands in the air, and dramatically sing along for 5 seconds or so while jack had to steer from the passenger seat. [kent: lmao u should have seen your face. jack: we could have died kenny. also jack: and your eyes were closed how could you even see my face..]

kent flirts so hard with jack at parties whenever beep by the pussycat dolls is playing. totally as a “””joke.””” jack really likes that song.

when kent remembers that he should probably flirt with girls once in a while (he’s gay as hell so sometimes he forgets) there’s something about the song buy u a drank that gives him that extra push. jack really hates that song.

GIRLFRIEND BY AVRIL LAVIGNE 🙌🙌

kent trying to teach jack the soulja boy dance.......

kent LOVES miley’s see you again; he’s always singing it with this dorky flirtatious energy that jack thinks is really cute. (after he beats jack at one-on-one, kent makes up his own lyrics, leading up to: “i can’t wait... to beat you again” and that actually really pisses jack off, oops)

don’t talk to me ever about how cheesy kent gets when he listens to avril’s keep holding on, esp. when he’s worried about jack’s anxiety/using but doesn’t really Get It

jack never told kent this, but the great escape by boys like girls always made him think about running away together, at least for the weekend

speaking of jack being cheesy, it’s 7 AM and they’re spooning in kent’s bed; kent’s phone starts playing music for his alarm but it’s actually the weekend, so kent falls back asleep and lets the music keep playing. when the song switches to love story, jack feels indescribably soft, and he stares at kent’s face, nuzzling his nose into kent’s shoulder and smelling him even though he knows it’s weird.

kent is ready to go (in BED) when shut up and drive is playing. jack doesn’t really understand why, but he’s not gonna complain or anything.

on that note..... justin timberlake’s lovestoned 🔥🔥🔥 (fire here representing jack when kent gets going)

jack will always feel an irritated fondness for bleeding love; kent would always purposely annoy him by singing it in a wispy high-pitched voice

kent knows all the words to no air by jordin sparks. (cries to it later, but that’s a different story)

jack really does fall in love when kent’s dancing to forever by chris br*wn at a party

OKAY so kent “seriously” (lol) promises jack that he’ll learn to play guitar just so he can play jason mraz’s i’m yours for him, and he borrows a teammate’s guitar and just starts strumming with the most ridiculously bad, random chords; jack joins in by supplying the vocals, except he only knows 1/5 of the words. they both remain completely straight-faced the whole time & their teammates die laughing

sometimes kent gets really mad at jack and is too angry to even say anything when jack acts like he doesn’t care, so he just blasts hot n cold to make a Point

jack really doesn’t get it.... “oh there’s that song kent likes. he sure likes that song”

once in awhile kent changes jack’s morning alarm to the numa numa song. kent wakes up early JUST so he can watch jack’s face when he’s woken to the sound of “my a-hee, my a-ha, my a-hoo, my a-ha-ha” and he CACKLES

i can’t even put into words how obnoxious they are when got money comes on

one time when kent falls down during practice and takes a little longer than usual to get up, jack skates over. kent looks up and says, “do - do - do you got a first aid kit handy?” and jack just gives him a Disgusted Look but damaged becomes a meme for sure

jack thinks in the ayer is the stupidest song in the world (kent loves it, obviously; he thinks flo rida is a “musical genius”) and sometimes when a completely different song comes on in the car, he taps kent on the shoulder, gets his attention, and says, “oh hot damn, this is my jam” in a conversational tone. little shit.

kent feels warm and soft when he hears one step at a time.

i will literally cry if i think too hard about crush by david archuleta and the Feelings it inspired in both kent AND jack before they got together (although lets be real, jack only knew this song in the first place bc of kent)

the first time kent hears teardrops on my guitar, before he and jack were together, he briefly considers feeling sad about jack, but decides that’s too pathetic. (unfortunately, this resolution doesn’t stay in place after the draft.)

kent thinks it’s funny to make the gasping/sexual sounds from britney’s piece of me when he’s alone with jack -- like, plopping down on his lap, leaning in, and just making those noises in his ear. jack thinks it’s funny until kent starts trying this during sex. (jack: ....oh hot damn, this is my jam. kent: ok truce)

sometimes when jack keeps talking to kent and asking him to hang out, kent starts singing “why you so obsessed with me??” to make their friends laugh, and it’s a joke, but it hurts jack’s feelings

jack unironically loves gavin degraw...... the 10th time kent walks in on him listening to in love with a girl, he needs to lie down and do some serious thinking about his taste in guys

poker face..... POKER FACE... i can’t even begin to describe how much kent loves this song, or how much jack loves the way it makes kent get a lil frisky

jack can never tell kent that he likes the song right round, because he’s already too committed to disliking flo rida

gives you hell........... ouch

jack always smiles when he hears down by jay sean, mostly because he’ll never be able to hear the lil wayne rap without remembering kent rapping along in the locker room

kent is always listening to britney’s circus. jack hates it unreasonably and glares at him until kent changes the song. (this only works half the time. the other half, kent just turns it up)

jack has probably heard kent yell “TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND, IF HE SAYS HE’S GOT BEEF, THAT I’M A VEGETARIAN AND I AIN’T FUCKING SCARED OF HIM” like 93 times

fire burning is playing at a party. the whole team is dancing & kent manages to get jack on the dance floor. his dancing is atrocious and he knows it, but he can see that kent is trying to hide how turned on he is, and that’s all that really matters.

jack actually knows every word to taylor swift’s you belong with me, just because kent was OBSESSED with it for 2 months straight. he will literally never be able to hear the song without seeing kent’s smiles and stupid fake drum solos in the car.

kent tries to get jack to have sex with him to the song lovegame, but jack can’t stop laughing every time he hears “disco stick” so that’s a no-go

(kent likes the song waking up in vegas even though it makes him feel kinda sad for no particular reason)

they have an ongoing “debate” about how kent hates country and jack likes it. when kent earnestly makes a case for tswift’s our song being THEIR song, jack makes fun of him for liking a country song instead of taking him seriously, and while kent might roll his eyes and play it off as no big deal, that hurts his feelings more than he will ever admit.

in their hotel room at 1:30 AM. one time by justin bieber is playing. kent is lying on his back, singing along and doing a stupid lil dance where he moves his arms and legs around in the air without sitting up. jack is staring at him and feels like he’ll just fall over, so he interrupts kent’s singing by kneeling over him and pressing their lips together. (this is actually their first kiss and it’s not like they’d be able to tell anyone about it in the first place, but they REALLY won’t tell anyone it was to a justin bieber song)

[imaginingit]

dad!mingyu

this concept has, does, and will forever internally Scar Me. read at ur own risk…..

also this got really real super fast hang in there reader

mingyu and mijoo

mijoo and mingyu

they met at recess on the first day of 4th grade 

when mijoo fell down and scraped her knee from a rock on the grass hill overlooking the school

and mingyu heard her voice like a chime of a bell

and ran to the source of it, careless of who it belonged to 

until he found her, crouching over her leg, wiping away tears and smoothening out her bangs

the first thing he thought was 

aw, there’s a girl crying, i should help her 

the second was 

she is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen

so he walked over to her, ignoring the slamming of his heart against his chest

plucked a wildflower amongst a hundred of them, sat down in front of her, tucked her hair behind her ear,

and placed the flower right behind it

mijoo looked up through her wet lashes to face the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen with a smile so kind she forgot why the scrape on her knee hurt so much 

from then on, the two were absolutely inseparable!! 

little mingoo would pluck her a bouquet of wildflowers every year for her birthday until they were 14 and he finally realized that he’s aLLERGIC TO THE WILDFLOWERS JFC MINGYU

went through the puberty stages together like pimples yes growth pains yes awkward pants that would rise above the ankles yes hormones yes first crushes yes and puberty YES

both miraculously got hot in high school and went on to date several people but still maintained their close close close friendship

they shared their hopes and their goals and their dreams with each other 

mijoo had always wanted a job in animation and art, and mingyu was extremely talented and hopeful in a career in business 

mijoo had a job working for a company that illustrated children’s books, and early that senior year, mingyu found a position in his co-operative education at one of the biggest financial investment companies in the city

both had unlimited potential and shared every moment of it with each other

tbh best friends probs wasn’t even the right term to describe it like 

they were just lovers but without the lust 

but honestly since the very first day they saw each other 

they already knew 

that they were somehow meant to be together

mingyu was the first to realize it one day, lying in bed, taking a nap with best friend wonwoo at the desk next to the bed 

when the realization smacked mingyu in the face, like fuck am i in love with her?

and bolted up so hard he banged his wrist against wonwoo’s desk, spilling his coffee all over his textbook and spraining his own wrist

death stares from wonwoo

non-stop pestering to his 12 best friends

“guys i think i’m in love with her”

“do i tell her??” 

“WHAT’S LOVE HOW DO I KNOW I’M IN LOVE IF I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS”

“guys what do i do”

“guys i think i’m in love with her”

“guys i’m scared”

“guys what do i do”

“gu–”

“mingyu, juST OIFDJGSOIDFGJSDOIFGJSDJFGO”

^ probably wonwoo/minghao

mingyu was convinced it was just him feeling this way, bc why else would he have had the urge to place that wildflower behind her ear in the first place??

it was just a one-sided crush, he reminded himself everyday. it’ll go away.

until one day 

class president!jisoo decided on the last day of senior year 

to throw a party for all the seniors

“jisoo??? is throwing the party???”

“i thought he was all a jesus??? button the top button??? good christian type?? boy??”

“i can hEAR YOU SOONYOUNG”

everyone was surprised it was jisoo but he promised that it would just be drinks, some nice music, and mingling 

well that night mijoo wanted to have fun and made sure mingyu was there to watch over her 

so she tooks shots

and shots and shots 

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS im sorr ry 

and drank way more than she absolutely should have for someone her size 

mingyu honestly was having a good time himself and didn’t seem to think mijoo needed that much support, since she never was that big of a party-er

until by a little over one am he found her stretched out on the bathroom floor, head over the toilet, heaving out her guts 

he held her hair back and brushed her teeth in jisoo’s sink before realizing it was probably a good idea to drive her home 

on the drive home, she was still absolutely drunk and began to say things that would then change his life forever

“hey mingyu”

“yes mijoo”

“you’re a really good friend”

“thanks i know”

“… and i think i’m in love with you”

BOY DAMN NEAR RAN INTO A TREE 

he had a million questions

until it hit him that she was drunk 

and it probably meant she didn’t mean a single word 

so for the rest of the ride to her house, his head was rigid on his shoulders and stared at the dark road ahead, ignoring the flustered, rosy-cheeked, warm and utterly beautiful girl sitting in his passenger seat 

who he’s been in love with since he was nine and who had just drunkenly and stupidly confessed her love back

his knuckles were turning white 

but before he broke the poor steering wheel in half, he made it to her house and quickly went over to her side of the door before the poor girl accidentally opened it herself and fell through it

she landed into the crook of his arms and he couldn’t help but feel that she fit there perfectly 

and somehow the two of them were able to maintain their balance to walk up the steps and onto the porch 

he unlocked her door with her key and led her up the stairs to her bedroom

the entire house was dark and the doors to her parents’ and sisters’ rooms were closed, implying they weren’t even home 

which made mingyu even more scared bc that would mean he would have to stay behind and take care of her and make sure she’s ok in her sleep

until they reach the doorway of her bed when she turned around and looked at him dead in the eye

it was fascinating to mingyu how the mere sight of her could send him buckling down to his knees at her feet 

those flustered cheeks, shining eyes, messy hair and rosy lips drew him in and he found himself unable to look away

“will… will you stay?” 

her words were clear and coordinated, sounding sure in itself, as if she wasn’t the same girl that was barely able to stumble up the four steps to her porch 

he must’ve taken a long time to process her words, and when he did, and was about to say yes ofc you dummy i have to take care of you 

she leaned on her tip toes and capture his lips in hers

as if that wasn’t enough, every ounce of his self control and pride shredded to pieces when she swiped her tongue across, whimpered and pulled away, whispering a barely audible, “please.” 

mingyu felt his world fall apart and piece back together all in a mere second and had no hesitation making his decision

whispering back a barely audible, “i love you”, which she undoubtedly heard, though he’d thought she hadn’t, he reattached his lips back onto hers and led her inside the room, blocking out the world on the outside of the door 

that night was spent rushed and hasty the first time and slow and calculating the others, all the while never forgetting to whisper his new favourite words in her ear whenever she wanted to hear it 

weeks pass after that night and everyone is thrilled the two hottest seniors finally “got their head out of their ass and confessed”

“thank u for that seungcheol” 

some more weeks pass 

and mijoo, currently in a happy place she’d never imagined possible before, began to notice changes in her body

stretch marks began to show on her toned thighs, she’d feel extreme discomfort on the treadmill at the gym after just 30 minutes of cardio, her eating habits began to change, she’d notice significant weight change and always seemed to be moody

she shared these abnormalities with her sister 

and mid-sentence discussing the eating habits, she froze and nearly fell to her knees

there was no way 

and as she feared, later that night, at her kitchen table with her boyfriend, clueless and munching on some pretzels, whiffing through a magazine, she slid the pregnancy test across the table, stood up, and walked upstairs 

it took him a second 

until he realized what the two lines meant

19 years of age

and both of them were going to be parents 

he dropped every single item in his hand that clattered to the table before turning and speeding up the stairs two steps at a time to her room to find her on her knees, crying

his initial reaction was to freak out, of course 

what 19-year-old was ready to have kids? 

the money, fuck, the housing, their parents, the delivery; there were too many things to consider

but as he saw her there, crouching and crying and afraid 

he felt that he couldn’t be like that too

what world would this child be born into if neither of their parents wanted them? 

he slowly bent down to her and cupped her face, wiping away the tears with the pads of his thumbs and promised every single promise he could’ve possibly come up with 

he had to protect her and the child she was carrying 

so for the next few months mingyu did absolutely everything he could to be prepared 

thought of names, bought extra food in case of cravings, read books on the changes in a woman’s body during and after childbirth, sex during a pregnancy bc bOI

started taking double shifts at this office job he found downtown now that mijoo stopped working 

breaking news to the parents was difficult 

mingyu’s was a tad more supportive but mijoo’s were absolutely appalled and refused to acknowledge mingyu any longer 

mingyu didn’t know how he was able to go on, but he forced himself to 

until the day came around for their first ultrasound

and just as mingyu was searching for a healthy pair of two hands and two feet

he found... four?

his breath was cut short when the doctor turned to them, beaming

“well, mijoo, looks like you guys are parents to twins”

the doctor announced boy and girl twins, and upon hearing the news and figuring out what the two figures were, mingyu began jumping up and down in joy and was almost in the verge of tears 

only to look down on the ultrasound bed to see his girlfriend staring at the monitor 

in utter despair and fear 

mijoo had already been disappointed by the initial pregnancy, knowing nothing good comes out of being a young mom and she had to now put her dreams on hold

but now expenses were going to be doubled 

clothing, food, beds, chairs, toys, everything had to be more

it wasn’t until the third trimester of the pregnancy that it really  got difficult for the two of them 

they had to move in with mingyu’s parents, much to mijoo’s parents’ dismay, so his mother could help out 

they would go to bed together every night 

to mingyu waking up at 3am each time to see her back to him, shaking and silently weeping 

she would slowly avoid his embraces when the two of them spent time together 

mingyu noticed these, but still did his best to put a smile on his face every morning and face the hatred from her parents and the coldness from his own girlfriend 

so smiling and staying positive turned into breaking down into sobs and clutching his chest on the bathroom floor at 2am when the epiphany of how difficult it was going to be would hit him 

the babies were born during spring break, in march

mingyu held the two in his arms, the boy now named jiho and the girl now named jiyoung, and suddenly felt as if the mental breakdowns in his bathtub and desperately running to the convenience store across the street for mijoo’s cravings before she went insane were maybe worth it after all 

around the two month mark, mingyu noticed the actions of mijoo came back

would immediately toss the crying children to mingyu and bolted from the room, panicking and in fear of not knowing how to console her own children 

would nudge mingyu awake when wailing started coming from the other room at 5am 

often found herself frustrated with the kids when they wouldn’t follow her instructions and as the months went by

she just didn’t know how to connect, and of course, being two young parents, neither of them knew that this was a form of post partum depression

when the kids were 9 months old, mingyu awoke to the sound of jiyoung desperately wailing and jiho whimpering beyond belief 

went to the kitchen to find a single note that was written in a handwriting he learned to memorize every curve and swipe of 

“we would’ve gotten married in another lifetime, you know. tell the kids i’m sorry. i know i just have to do this. i love you forever, my mingyu. - mijoo.”

and that was it 

she left him 

the love of his life, the mother of his children 

gone 

he walked up the stairs to the sound of the crying, but went past the room with the kids, knowing he couldn’t face them right now 

he opened the door to his parents room, now sitting up and sleepily wiping their eyes, confused why the kids were crying so early in the day

with the note still in his hand and his life shattered, he climbed into his parents’ bed like he was a child and wept in his mom’s arms

now breakdowns in the washroom turn to openly crying as he rocks both wailing babies in his arms trying to get them to bed

work turns into taking so many extra shifts his body fails to support him and he just sleeps on his keyboard in his little cubicle sometimes 

but his parents take the kids to the village or other relaxing, vacation places at the end of every month and on every holiday so they have a chance to experience things like other kids do 

uncle soonyoung and uncle seungcheol always offer to babysit and look after the kids until dusk if mingyu is running behind at work, trying to pick up as many hours and money as he possibly could 

uncle wonwoo becomes their favourite uncle 

uncle jeonghan always brings by takeout whenever the fridge is out of food 

uncle seungkwan IS ALWAYS BULLIED 

“MINGYU U NEED TO GET UR ASS HOME THEY’RE LITERALLY HOLDING SEUNGKWAN HOSTAGE”

before mingyu could even calculate it, the years go by and it’s time for preschool, which his parents helped to pitch in for to get them into a good one 

and for the first time in a long time, mingyu realizes things have actually been going ok and he wasn’t in this completely alone

his best friends and his parents and sister never failed to remind him of that

he’s been spending much more time alone with them ever since he became a single dad and have learned to understand and connect with his kids

the older twin, named jiho, was the definition of warm

the easiest baby on the face of the earth, would eat anything he had to, never fussed as much as most babies would, would sleep all through the night, giggled at anything that moved, and loves his papa beyond words

the girl twin, jiyoung, was a little more boisterous than that

would flip her food and laugh a huge belly laugh just seeing the look of despair on her dad’s face

loved causing trouble and smacking her brother in the face but pretending to be cute when her dad scolds her 

the two complimented each other well and mingyu didn’t even realize when he became the dad that would be so typical so and gushy and smile at the way they interacted with one another as he just stands in the doorway and watches them 

so first day of preschool begins

did i mention mingyu also happens to be the stylish father on the face of the earth

ever see those videos of dads struggling to braid his daughter’s hair 

or not knowing what to dress his kid 

nOT KIM MINGYU NOPE 

fucking dutch braids his daughter’s hair

puts his son in a dress shirt and nice sweater over 

they roll into school looking like they actually have their shit together

when actually

mingyu woke up 45 minutes late and foRGOT THEY HAD SCHOOL EVEN THOUGH HE’S BEEN HYPING IT UP FOR A WEEK IT LITERALLY JUST SLIPPED HIS MIND 

didn’t even brush his teeth and just fucking bursted into the kids room 

to find them already up and cleaned, waiting for their outfits of the day

and mingyu just sighs of relief like why are my kids smarter than i am 

but yes preschool

NOW HERE COMES YOU 

sorry that took such a long time here we go 

you’re the homeroom teacher for the kids and this is ur third year of teaching, yet somehow, the first days still give u the butterflies

so u wait patiently behind ur desk, going through the plan for the day, meeting the parents and such, and trying to calm your nerves

and hoped that the school year would turn out good 

you wondered about the kids in ur class

you wondered about the good ones, the ones that always greeted you through the door and never peed themselves

you wondered about the bad ones, the ones that LITERALLY used you as a canvas for their painting 

you wondered about the parents and how the crop each year keeps getting scarier and scarier--

“ah-cHOO”

“sh, dad, you’re way too loud”

“oh.... .. .. SORRY,... whispers .... hi there!”

your thoughts are interrupted when you see three figures walk into the doorway, two kids around the same height and a towering young man in a dress shirt and some nice jeans and converse

immediately your first thought was that wow he seemed so young??? and the kids looked like carbon copies of him so they’re absolutely his kids

and you were about to say something, but suddenly and uncontrollably

you just bursted out laughing

and the little girl and boy both tilted their heads to the side at the same time adorably, looking at you weird 

and sputtering and trying to catch ur breath, you were like

“ahah ahh why--why are you whispering?” 

it didn’t hit you until 2 secs later that that was .. ... so .... Embarrassing...

you could’ve introduced urself but u just cackled like nice going y/n nice nice 

the father just turned a dark hue of red before rubbing his neck and gave a smile so shy you suddenly began to feel redness in ur neck as well

but u cleared ur throat and introduced urself regardless

“hi there! i’m y/n and i’ll be the homeroom teacher for classroom 4A this year!!”

mingyu led the two into the room, the girl strutting and smiling in awe at every single colour around in the room and the boy shyly hiding halfway behind his dad’s leg

“this,” he pointed to the girl, already picking up crayons and a paper, “is jiyoung. she’s... quite boisterous”

“and this,” he pointed to the boy, “is jiho, who’s a little bit more shy but i promise, will never cause you trouble,” patting his head lovingly

and he looks up at you, “and i’m mingyu, their dad!” and extended his hand 

you feel your breath catch in ur throat because wow

what a beautiful thing in front of ur eyes rn 

reaching out to shake ur hand

and smiling so kindly 

rip reader

so you shake it and only days after, when u were folding laundry at home with some reality tv show in the background, replaying that iconic moment over and over, that you suddenly recall

... didn’t he sneeze directly into his hand that time????

ANYWHO

he explained how he sometimes has work shifts that could possibly stretch a little later than the time the school closes on weekdays, so either his parents or sister will pick him up 

“OR UNCLE WONWOO!!!” jiyoung adds from the background

and you tell him it’s absolutely fine and you won’t even mind staying behind just to make sure the kids are rested before they’re picked up if it comes down to the last resort and no one can pick him up 

and if u thought his smile was kind before

bro

u aint seen dis one 

cause this one started from his eyes

they glistened for a quick second before he looked down shyly

then back up at you, canines flashing and eyes shimmering, almost astounded at your response

as if he was relieved and grateful somehow

and from the way you see the dark circles under his eyes and the quick, messy push of his hair from getting ready this morning, to him later being the only father at the orientation and sneaking in funny faces at his twins sitting in the front row, to him reading through each and every sentence in the pamphlet of the curriculum for the kids you gave it, you had an abnormal itch to ask him about more 

but knew that you couldn’t bc it would be rude 

so thats how you meet kim mingyu, father of kim jiho and kim jiyoung of classroom 4A 

so from then on, for the first week, though you learn to practice names and memorize likes, dislikes, tendencies, and personalities of the girls and boys in your class, your mind keeps drifting off to the tall, young boy that, because of his kids, was seemingly way beyond his years 

and for all but one, you are met every single day after school for months by a rushing mingyu in his office attire and dangling briefcase, always almost out of breath, there to pick his kids up without remembering to thank you a million times first 

and as he waits for the other teachers to assist the kids with their jackets and backpacks, you guys always have these 1-minute conversations 

“so how were they today?” 

“they were good! jiho, as usual, had the cleanest painting of all”

“that’s my boy!”

“and jiyoung actually tried to hit on this boy named namhyuk today during rece--”

“sh E WHA T”

leans on the gate too hard and falls through straight onto the floor 

and somehow scrambles up to pick up the kids, now dressed and ready and confused why their dad is freaking out and flat on the floor 

scoops both of them up in both his arms, walks towards his car after shouting a “goodBYE Y/N I HAVE BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF”

and starts lecturing jiyoung as they make their way to the car

“whyareyoualreadyhittingonboysyoureliterallytheeyearsoldifanythingtheyshouldbehittingonyouandyoushouldntbedoinganythingthatiscatchingtheirattentionnodatingandnoboysuntilyouturnlikethirtydoyouunDERSTANDmeyounglady”

and almost everyday is a spectacle for you, whether it be him putting on his best effort to scold jiyoung for accidentally writing on the board in permanent marker or when jiho, in an effort to be nice, wanted to lick his deskmate’s face to “help him get the crayon mark off”

but a few weeks after that, you were informed that work had become extra busy and it was his sister, minseo, or best friend, wonwoo, that would come by and pick them up 

and you havent seen mingyu in a while 

but you kind of just brush it off 

cause it’s stupid crush on a parent that just happens to be attractive and freaking adorable with his kids ugh 

until its friday night and you were feeling sick so had to call in for that day

and after a whole day spent of wheezing and coughing and sweating and sleeping, you dragged ur ass to the grocery store to make some stew bc god u needed it 

and u walk into the canned aisle to find some spam to put into the stew

when ur face to face with 

a human ladder

and you see

mingyu with jiho stacked on top of him and jiyoUNG ON TOP OF JIHO

AND YOU SCREAM IN SHOCK BC OMG MINGYU BUT ALSO OMG PLS DONT FALL AND DIE 

and they just look over at you so freaking casually and ??? until !!! IT’S MS. Y/N!!!

AND YOU’RE LIKE OMG PLS DONT FALL BE CAREFUL

and mingyu can’t even say anything back 

bc little did you know 

after a few weeks of being caught up in so many shifts,

he came today to pick up his twins to find you not there 

but guess what today was 

valentine’s day

and guess what he was holding

fLOWERS 

and he promised himself it was just a gift from the kids to her and nOTHING ELSE 

so when he hung his mouth open, speechless and stuttering, jiyoung just rolled her eyes at her obviously pathetic, crush-ridden dad and explained

“dont worry miss!! we do this all the time!! jiho just really wanted some canned beans, but they always stack it way too high for us”

you were still concerned but saw jiho nod at you, so you knew that if he approved, it was all good LOL

so you were like phew ok!!!

mingyu gets himself together after putting the kids down and finally says hi to you

and tries to suavely, casually, coolly be like

“so, ahem, um, why weren’t you, you know, at school today... yeah?”

behind the rack of ranch dip jiho just sighs and jiyoung facepalms 

you explain you haven’t been feeling well and just needed some time to rest

until he was like oh so you’re not doing anything for valentine’s day??

and you just blank

bc omg you forgot???

and you’re both just standing there awkwardly, absorbed in your own thoughts of each other, until jiyoung bursts in with her fucking superhero cape and is like 

“hey, ms. y/n, how about you come over for dinner tonight!! you’re not feeling well so you shouldn’t cook”

and you immediately want to decline bc you’re also a .. .. . huge eater... ... and kim mingyu must never ever ever ever see that side of you 

until mingyu lights up and nods his head like an overexcited puppy, going, “yes yes! come! my parents are out of town and i’m a pretty good co--” and then realizes what he could’ve meant when he says his parents are out of town

“i MEAN EVEN IF MY PARENTS WERE HOME YOU COULD STILL COME OVEVR YOU KNOW like it’s just the house would be quieter and we can be as loud as we want wHAT I M EAN”

“dad pls just . .. .”

and you’re doubled over laughing once more at the antics of the kims, until little jiho tugs on the sleeve of your sweater and shoots you those puppy eyes

and you know you can’t decline 

so that’s how you ended up in the kitchen of the mingyu household 

and witnessed the most amazing sight you’ve ever seen

jiyoung was propped up on a chair, reaching for the bowls and opening drawers for utensils before neatly climbing down and setting them on the dinner table

and jiho was sitting on the counter beside his dad, helping sort vegetables, choose ingredients and gigging at his dad’s occasional vegetable puns

“hey, jiho, what is green and sings? elvis PARSLEY”

i just fucking cant w kim mingyu

but mingyu

mingyu

if you hadn’t admitted your crush on him then, you cerTAINLY FUCKING DID NOW 

with an apron tied neatly in the back by jiyoung and his sleeves rolled up by jiho (can u imagine so f uck ign cut ete), he worked with hands so fast and diligent you began to just drown in the sight of him 

and noticed how this entire family worked like a well-oiled, loving machine

he beckoned you to come over and try some 

and you actually hate it when people feed u like god gave me hands pls allow me to use them thx 

but the sight of him holding a ladle in one hand and his eyes hopeful and excited for you to try his cooking, all pet peeves went out the window

it took you a sec before the taste sunk in and oh my lord

it was incredible???

you gushed and exclaimed how he could honestly be a chef

but he blushed and laughed softly to himself, and just shook his head, almost with a dash of sadness in there 

meanwhile the twins sit at the dinner table watching all this unfold and giggling and covering their mouths like omgogmgogmogm

and it wasn’t until when dinner was almost served when you realized a missing presence that a loving family like this would usually have

you were curious about the twins’ mother, and not that it made a difference with how you saw them whatsoever, but it had been a question you’d been dying to ask for months 

but knew you couldn’t, not yet at least 

and all through dinner, there was always a buzz of conversation, laughter, and swooning over mingyu’s cooking, which he always bashfully accepted

you noticed how jiyoung had her dad’s laugh, true and open, honest and delightful, baring all her teeth and eyes lighting up 

she also had a light to her that turned her dad to putty in front of her, and you saw a prediction that this girl has so much to offer to the world and her personality was one you prayed to all the gods will never fade out

jiho had his dad’s kindness, always offering to grab u a napkin or some more lemon for your pork 

he had the dashing and gentleman-like demeanour, always wanting to contribute to things as an act of kindness, helping others, and keeping his actions in check

it was strange to you that these kids were barely full grown kids at all, yet their personalities shone so brightly in front of their father that when the kids were sent upstairs to brush their teeth and change into jammies for a movie then bedtime, you blurted out as you were helping drying the dishes

“are you married?”

you hadn’t meant for it to come out so abrupt, but mingyu didn’t look surprised as he looked over at you and gave a small smile

he helped you finish drying the last few plates before taking two glasses of water and bringing them out to the living room couch, gesturing you to sit down 

he sighed before he began, “as my children’s teacher and now as someone i consider a friend, i think it’s the right time to tell you”

and proceeded to recall his childhood best friend with her radiant smile and demanding strut of her step

he talked about them sharing their first kiss stories with each other and secretly, subconsciously hoping that they could’ve somehow been each other’s

he described her with such a fervor and light that made ur skin tingle, because wow, is that what love really feels like?

he then went on to tell about the night he realized he loved her, to the night when she drunkenly told him she loved him too 

and that that was also the night that would change his life forever 

he recalled how her pregnancy was extremely difficult and that she couldn’t even bare to look at him some days

and finally, with strength, he pulled to the last chapter, recalling the morning she left him a single note and left without a trace to a world where him and the kids no longer existed to her 

of course at the time, he explained, there was no way he could’ve known that her post partum depression had drawn her away so hard, and really, if he could ever forgive her for leaving this life behind, as he said none of his close family and friends ever will

he also explained how difficult it was at first to support his family financially and morally, but is grateful for the love he’s received since 

for a while, the two of you were silent

you had no idea what to say, because what do you say to someone who became a dad to two as a teenager, had the mother of his children leave him by writing him a single sentence goodbye, and barely knew how to take care of himself at the time, let alone two others?

but as you both sat there in the silence, contemplating the moment that just passed you replied with

“do it.”

“what?”

“forgive her”

taken aback by your response, you continued

“of course, i’m not saying it was the right thing to do... but maybe it was meant to be this way, you know? what if this was just a way to teach you abt life beyond your own? what if, somehow, you were just dealt that card a little earlier than most? look where you are now. money’s coming back in, you have people who support you and will run to your aid whenever,” you look at him straight in the eye, “and you have two beautiful kids who are both just kind and clever and mature. maybe, you know, you being a father was your calling all along. maybe, just maybe, you three are a well-oiled machine for a reason.”

you can’t tell what those shimmering eyes were trying to say, but before you knew it, he placed both ur glasses on the table before grabbing the sides of your face and captured your lips  

because for the first time in the longest fucking time, he was heard 

for the first time in a long time, there was someone out there who was willing to take into account him, his lovely jiho and blazing jiyoung and count them all as a blessing, and truly, truly made him realize that life could be so hopeful

and you didn’t know if he was kissing you because he really desperately needed to hear those words, or if he honestly wanted to kiss you because he just really wanted to kiss you to subdue hiS DAMN CRUSH (hint: it’s this one), but you didn’t care

you kissed him back and you both moved in a rhythm so steady and passionate that when you pulled away and he dipped in, almost trying to catch your lips once more, both of you were red and panting and breathless and over the moon 

you also didn’t notice the two little ones peeking over the stair bannisters and almost squealing out of happiness and excitement bc their beautiful teacher!!! and their dad!!!! 

he rests his forehead on yours and just quietly mutters how thankful he is for someone like you and how, yes, maybe this is his goddamn calling after all

and you continue to stay on the couch to talk and steal touches and get close and bump noses and grab kisses in between sentences until you realize its midnight and you need to get home 

it wasn’t until you got up that you realized that you were confused as to what this could become

would you date? there was no way that would go anywhere for awhile though, knowing how wounds were still fresh for many parties involved here

but as you were putting on your shoes with his eyes on you, you looked up at him, ready to leave, and all those thoughts went out the window

he stole one more as ur fingernails bit into the skin of his biceps. sagged into his arms and let him, and his kiss, hold you up

it was a legendary, Princess Bride, top ten in history kind of kiss

“can i see you again soon?” he asked 

and u realized you had nothing to worry about at all 

bc as strange as it was, the way he was as a father and as a hardworking, passionate and resilient person was astonishing to you

so that night, when he finally let her go, he skipped two steps up the stairs to the twins’ room, to find them pretending to keep their eyes shut and smiles hidden

but mingyu fully knew and went, “come on, let me hear it!!”

and that unleashed the two loudest screams that could’ve woken up every elderly on the street

they leaped off their bunk bed and into his arms, bouncing with joy and excitement

jiyoung was smiling uncontrollably and jiho even had some tears in his eyes

after a little more dancing and embracing, he tucked them into bed one more time, promising saturday would be filled with lots of candy at the mall and coercing uncle jisoo to buy everything for them

he tucked jiyoung at the top bunk bed first, before doing their handshake (”slide, slide, fist bump, exPLOSION, snap, snap, swag”) and kissing each other good night

as he reached jiho, the boy already neatly and firmly slotted under his power rangers blanket, he sleepily beckoned his dad closer until they were nose to nose

he gave his dad a small kiss there, and whispered just as he drifted off, “daddy, can i ask you something?”

“yeah, of course, baby, what’s up?”

“i think... i finally want a mommy now.”

and drifted off

so when mingyu turned off the nightlight and walked into his own room, he leaned against the door, slid down against it and bursted into tears

happy, sad, relieved, afraid; he wasn’t sure 

but this was a new chapter now

a chapter where he maybe his kids will begin to need someone more than just him, and a chapter where finally, it can all become just a bit easier, step by step, slowly but surely

wooahhhhsodfkgdgf this was long. for those that don’t know, post-partum depression is a very serious mental disorder that depicts that detachment and abnormality of emotions between a mother and child following the birth. having a mother that has battled post-partum depression w the birth of myself, i thought it was important to bring light to it, and no matter how young or how afraid, help is always out there, and no mother or child should ever have to feel this way.

this honestly took a lot longer to write than i expected just bc it was a bit more angsty than what i normally write, and i purposely left the ending a little open so you all can decide the upcoming between the y/n, the twins and papa mingyu :)

enjoy, loves! xoxo 

also mingyu wanna like father?? my children??? thx??

[eliottdemauries]

This might be unusual of me to ask but can you post the song list of Tarjei's playlist if it's not too much bc Spotify doesn't work in my country and i can't see all the songs rip 😔😑

it’s a lot of songs and the playlist is literally so mixed when it comes to genre (loads of classics though) but yeah here is the list:

my name is - eminem

the real slim shady - eminem

the birmingham ho - morten abel

wonderwall - oasis

everybody hurts - r.e.m.

too close - alex clare

bitter sweet symphony - the verve

friday i’m in love - the cure

hjerteknuser - kaizers orcestra

butterfly, butterfly (the lasy hurrah) - a-ha

losing my religion - r.e.m.

stop for a minute - keane k’naan

everybody’s changing - keane

se på meg - delillos

yellow - coldplay

in the backseat - jonas alaska

take on me - a-ha

sail - awolnation

do i wanna know? - arctic monkey 

human - the killers

pump it - the black eyed peas

just can’t get enough - the black eyed peas

rather be - clean bandit feat. jess glynne

somebody told me - the killers

where is the love? - the black eyed peas

i see fire - ed sheeran

can’t stop loving you - phil collins

never let me down again (remastered) - depeche mode

personal jesus (remastered) - depeche mode

open up your eyes - tom hugo

spiralling - keane

you’re beautiful - james blunt

moves like jagger - maroon 5 feat- christina aguilera 

bonfire heart - james blunt

ampersand - stephen walking soulero

love me again - john newman

puttin’ on the ritz - fred astaire 

daybreak (gopro hero3 edit) - overwerk

with or without you - u2

there she goes - the la’s

from nowhere - dan croll

paper planes - m.i.a.

april come she will - simon & garfunkel

seven nation army - the white stripes

pretty fly (for a white guy) - the offspring

i got you (i feel good) - james brown

one - mary j. blige feat. u2

our house - madness

baggy trousers - madness

your song - elton john

changes - butterfly boucher feat. david bowie

the logical song - supertramp

‘74-’75 - the connells

nothing compares 2 u - sinéad o’connor

the one i love - r.e.m.

i’m too sexy - right said fred (literally why tarjei??)

livin’ la vida loca - ricky martin (he basically have the entire shrek 2 soundtrack in this playlist,, i hate him)

hurt - johnny cash

can’t help falling in love - elvis presley 

supermassive black hole - muse (i got way to exicted when i saw that he listens to muse)

fell in love with a girl - the white stripes 

every breath you take - the police

roxanne - the police 

wannabe - spice girls

don’t look back in anger (remastered) - oasis

basket case - green day (bae listens to green day,, day is made)

good riddance (time of your life) - green day (tHIS SONG THOUGH)

don’t stop me now (remastered) - queen

tears in heaven - eric clapton 

young and beautiful - lana del rey

summertime sadness - lana del rey

feel good inc - gorillaz

on melancholy hill - gorillaz

clint eastwood - gorillaz (he seems to like gorillaz)

far from any road - the handsome family

man on the moon - r.e.m. (also seems to be a fav of his)

pokemon theme - pokémon (fucking hate this guy..)

homecoming - kanye west feat. chris martin

i wanna be sedated (remastered) - ramones

stuck in the middle with you - stealers wheel

lay all your love on me (from mamma mia) - dominic cooper & amanda seyfried (this musical is everything)

the sound of silence - simon & garfunkel

i need a hero - andrew spencer (blue nature mix edit) (again with the songs from shrek 2,,,,)

rock the casbah (remastered) - the clash

you can call me al - paul simon

shout - bernhoft

styggen på ryggen - onklp & de fjerne slektingene 

don’t you (forget about me) - simple minds (the breakfast club

wicked games - chris isaak 

everybody wants to rule the world - lorde (this boy seriously listens to all my favs??!!)

dragostea din tei (original romanian version) - o-zone

tusen bitar - laleh (favvvvvvv)

outside - calvin harris feat. ellie goulding)

i’m an albatroz - aronchupa

lie to me - chris isaak

the scientist - coldplay 

halo - ane brun & linnea olsson

man in black - johnny cash

ave maria - beyoncé

little green bag - george baker selection

always on my mind - pet shop boys

a little less conversation - elvis presley (jxl radio edit)

hooked on a feeling - blue swede

unchained melody - the righteous brothers

go your own way - fleetwood mac

i will survive - gloria gaynor

hotel california - eagles

september - earth, wind & fire

cheerleader (felix jaehn remix) - omi

livet er for kjipt - lars kilevold

gdfr - flo rida feat. sage the gemini & lookas

blue velvet - lana del rey

one of us - joan osborne

glemte minner - delillos

eple - röyksopp

monument - röyksopp feat. robyn

this love - maroon 5

mad world - gary jules feat. michael andrews

old thing back - matoma & the notorious b.i.g. feat. ja rule and ralph tresvant

pumped up kicks - foster the people

i’m on fire - awolnation

creep - radiohead

karma police - radiohead (he listens to radiohead,,what more can you ask for)

hypnotize - the notorious b.i.g.

ghetto gospel - 2pac

this summer - maroon 5

tandtråd - tjuvjakt

you don’t own me - grace feat. g-ezy

i get around - the beach boys

ms.jackson - outkast

no surprises - radiohead

big in japan - alphaville

save tonight - eagle-eye cherry

hero - family of the year

iris - the goo goo dolls

kast alle papirene - delillos (this translates to “throw away all paper”,, i’m looking at you even)

wuthering heights - kate bush

starman - david bowie

spis din syvende sans - karpe diem

tusen tegninger - karpe diem (”thousand drawings”,, why all the s3 references)

like a stone - audioslave

california dremin’ - the mamas & the papas

bridge over troubled water - simon & garfunkel

ave maria - johann sebastian bach & charles gounod (’cause he seems to need ave maria twice)

evig forelsket da - delillos 

forelsket - delillos

hemingway 2016 - ganic & johnny whitehouse

sugar - robin schulz feat. francesco yates

suser avgårde alle man - delillos 

mindre alvorlige ting - delillos (this dude and delillos….)

the hardest part - coldplay

swedish television - bigbang

sike 2016 - mehiko & n.o. beats (russ music deluxe)

relax, take it easy - mika

hjernen er alene - delillos (skam soundtrack yay)

varsko - klovner i kamp

glade dager - klovner i kamp

du og jeg og livet - lars lillo-stenberg

finns de en kvinne - delillos (i think i have found his fav band)

the penetrators 2016 - hanzee (skam soundtrack yay pt.2)

gå hjem - delillos (surprise it’s delillos again)

didn’t i (blow your mind this time) - the delfonics

girls just want to have fun (demo) - greg laswell

mine peannøtter er ikke gode - delillos (i get it tarjei,, u like ‘em)

i’d rather dance with you - kings of convenience 

ikke gå - delillos (……)

the pop kids (radio edit) - pet shop boys

go west - pet shop boys

forever young - alphaville (skam soundtrack yay pt.3)

boat behind - kings of convenience 

24-25 - kings of convenience 

love to hate you - erasure

a little respect - erasure 

running out - matoma feat. astrid s

trendsetter - morten abel

i don’t want to be - gavin degraw 

if only as a ghost - jonas alaska

lonely - akon (this boy is just a parody on himself really) 

i believe in a thing called love - the darkness

this list is so random but i think that we can get quite a good idea of how tarjei is through it (,, which seems to be a fucking dork). note that this playlist hasn’t been updated since july so it’s a bit outdated.

[peggytheheadsmasher]

all of the tea asks, every single one of them, yes sorry I am mean and am making you write a novel

earl grey:how do you take your tea? 

usually, with nothing in it unless it is horribly bitter, in which case i’ll add some honey

lady grey:favourite outfit?

recently it’s been my red corduroys, work boots, black buttonup shirt, dark pink hoodie, and black bomber jacket!

black tea: where are you from?

Born and raised in Colorado

irish breakfast:what country do you want to visit?

i think france, greece, or italy would be interesting to visit!

turkish tea: where have you travelled?

Let’s see… Colorado, Arizona, south carolina Connecticut, Delaware, maryland, vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine!

white tea:occupation/career aspirations 

i’d like to work as a cook and have a decent living through making art

rooiboos: 3 facts about my family 

my brother, dad, and i all have stories we’re writing

my Mom was also born and raised in colorado

between all of us, we have somehow managed to fit 17 bookcases of different sizes into our small house

matcha: favourite book

i’m ignoring that this says book and i’m gonna say my two favorite book series: The Dreamhouse kings by Robert Liparulo and Redwall

blooming tea: favourite flower?

Pink roses, Ranunculus, or Hollyhock

chamomile:comfort movie? 

Captain America: the Winter Soldier

peppermint:what’s your favourite holiday and why? 

Easter because of the celebration of Jesus’ sacrifice, or halloween bc my love of spooky things and costumes isn’t mocked then

milk:do you have any allergies?

only occasional spring allergies, and to mary kay skincare products and bb cream

sugar:tell me about your first crush 

my first real crush was on my boyfriend Mads ( @the-spectral-mad-doctor who is wonderful and also a great nerd.

honey:type out the last text you sent

“sure, bear wrestling in missouri is illegal”

ginger: favourite colour(s)? 

Pinks, reds, and dark blue

green tea:where do you feel most at peace?

in my brother’s room

bubble tea:what ride would you pick at an amusement park? 

ferris wheel or something that spins and sways

mug:when/where do you normally drink tea?

At home when i’m about to do schoolwork

teacup: last tea party? 

my 17th birthday party

teapot: music preference?

intense? my music tastes are all over the place

chai:what do you order at starbucks?

… i have not ordered from starbucks in a while but my usual coffee shop order is a vanilla latte

oolong: ideal romantic partner? 

someone who shares my faith and is willing to talk about deep subjects. similar interests, has big ideas. Clever. so. Mads.

darjeeling: a hobby? 

this is a vague question. watercoloring?

pu-erh: 3 random facts about myself 

i can do winged eyeliner on myself consistently on the first try, unless the applicator is frayed.

one of the most common compliments i hear about myself is that i am hard working. this is laughable as i am incredibly lazy

i don’t like mint and chocolate or peanut butter and chocolate combined

herbal:post a selfie

coffee:surprise coffee ask! how do you take your coffee? 

a lot of cream, a lot of sugar.

thank you for the ask!!

[cyanpeacock]

Realtalk(tm): Or Is It All Fake Silence? (On The Topic of Non-Duality)

so. i’m Headache and Tired .

recently i have been considering non-duality (again) and it is, well, endless. but always has an end. but then it starts again, so, did it ever really end? does it matter if it ended. it does! but also, it doesn’t. and really, if it’s both, isn’t it all kind of “ehhh.” but then, “ehhh” is like, the most important thing sometimes.

but THEN. importance is, relative, subjective, not that important. and subjective can be objective and vice-versa, but not always, but if it’s sometimes, then sometimes it’s always, but always, only sometimes. you get the picture, or you don’t, or you kinda do, and honestly, it’s all the fucking same, because it’s all points on a continuum.

BUT THEN do points even exist on a continuum? they do, if you’re looking for/making them. but they don’t, if you’re only looking at the line, so it isn’t actually all the same. and if you’re facing the other direction, you’re like “what points? what line? they don’t exist, do they?” and yeah, they don’t exist! because you can’t see them! but they might exist, outside your field of perception, so they do exist.

what is seeing, anyway. the information goes through so many transformations from its original form to be registered by a brain. the colours i see are not the colours you see, the colours you see are not the colours a mantis shrimp sees. one camera takes photos that come out all yellow, the other takes them with a bluish tint. 

right and wrong... subject, object. (ok i’m putting a cut in here bc this got, long and kind of emotionally sorta-really-deep-but-neither, under the jump)

but really i’m mad because, i can’t actually stop thinking about this for long? i always come back to this kind of like, consideration of (non-)“binary” concepts. 

like, is the concept of “i” even useful? i mean, yes, because it refers to the body, the mind(s) inhabiting it, and aspects contained within those things. 

but then also, “i” is not useful, because broadly, there is no “i”, “i” does not exist in isolation, “i” is dependent/contingent on every surrounding factor.

but specifically, “i” exists, and if i come back to i, then like, i was in so much pain, i was so angry, i was not supported in the right ways at the right times. but then, other “i”s around me did not have the means to support me, they were angry, they were in pain. 

so like, it’s fucking me up, because i still have this ingrained binary concept of Right and Wrong, Good and Bad, from like, less-than-good-enough parenting. i’m returning to seeing things through other people’s eyes, getting it wrong because i don’t have their life experiences or method of using the pathways they have, my mind is still going to “oh fuck, i’m Bad, i’m Wrong--” and my body is experiencing the physical reaction to that. i’m forgetting that, well, my i exists?

hence why i am here engaging in these clumsy unpracticed mental acrobatics. attempting to remember what my i is, or create one, or something. 

because, well, my i is... uh, i don’t know? how do i define it. flippy. flipping over constantly. i live on earth one minute, but like, as i’m walking along to the shop, i’m suddenly walking along little asteroids on the edge of saturn’s rings, i see it, i feel that space is cold. i’m a robot! but i’m a robot who thinks-feels-eats-breathes and who wants to be a man. and then, i guess that is a man? because what is a man, but a really complicated robot. but i’m made of metal on the inside! sometimes the outside! but only because i see it in my mind, but the mind is real, so whatever the mind creates is real, at least in my non-dual sub/objective opinion/experience? 

but yeah. only i know what condition i was in during certain events, and i know how actions of other people kicked me while i was down. and other individuals that tell me i’m wrong, i don’t need help, when i’m telling them something is wrong, i need help, like... that’s their prerogative? they can and will do that, i have no control over that? but god FUCK this individual acutely feels wounded over it, and i gotta respect that, because those other individuals can’t feel what i’m feeling. 

but then, frustratingly, i’m also well aware that while there are alternative pathways that could have happened, there was no alternative pathway because of the way the cards fell/are falling, so the one that did happen, the painful one, happened! 

it’s all such a huge ball of Fuck. real is imaginary and imaginary is real and both mean everything and nothing but everything is more or less the same as nothing etc etc. 

and it’s all a matter of scale and perspective. 

so i guess, i’m having to identify my perspective, and the scale i’m functioning on? and, uh, figure out how to return to that at the right times, in order to attend to Body Needs and Mind Needs and Environment Needs, which are all more or less the same thing, but not.

which is, well, shit, i can feel my body again. the body, a body, this physical organism that is sitting here typing this. and this body remembers being yanked and hit and shouted at and made to feel small and stupid and inconvenient and troublesome. this body remembers being routinely insulted and jeered at and mocked and not defended or taught how to defend itself. 

which, well, sure, i suppose a long duration filled with being perceived and reacted to like that, is why the mind that is-and-is-within this body has developed such a... well. one-and-many system. selves, non-selves, worlds, non-worlds, presences and absences. living inside the mind, most of the time, is a LOT less painful than living inside the body. 

i have... autonomy? i have bodily autonomy? i don’t have to follow an order or be punished? i don’t have to perform certain acts to receive love and affection from myself? i can choose where to go, what to do, what to say, i can choose when and how i go about things, i can validate my own “whys”? i can tell the self-non-selves that yell at me and slice my body in negative emotional reactions, actually, this is not helpful? etc etc?

this... i’m still getting used to this. marginally past “sounds fake but okay.” i’m still reacting in the present to past feelings of, well, yeah. being made to feel so small and stupid and incompetent that the pain i felt in that moment was intolerable, and i wanted my existence to end permanently right there, and that i made active efforts to try and achieve that. but, i am reliving those emotions less, which i suppose is... well, that’s emotional processing, babey!

so, well, uh.

right now! i am and am not suicidal. i’m not, you know, out here with a noose right now suicidal, but i am suicidal, in a really, like, long, slow, drawn-out, masochistic kind of way, because frankly i’m aware that even breathing the air in here is killing me. i have to be suicidal to like, live? at least for now, i gotta be, you know, pretty damn enthusiastic about the idea of my own death and its randomness and my part in bringing it on, in order to enjoy the whole, living thing? i dig it, death is sexy, he’s my other boyfriend. i mean, sometimes i don’t, but then i do again, so, yeah, fuck, you get the picture, or don’t, and so on so forth.

man like I have received shit in the past for like... “overcomplicating” things. but dude... this is literally how complicated it is, for me. i can’t switch this off until it’s Good and focking Ready to be switched off, i.e., i’ve made some or several point(s) to-with my self-selves. argh, english language is so clumsy for discussing this, language is so clumsy, it is a tool, it will suffice.

BUT YES my braincalm feeling is making itself known so, i suppose this is, The End. until, you know, i make another post, tomorrow night, about something the-same-but-different. it is all so uglybeautiful shallowdeep and like a f!cking wheel with infinite-finite points always-never turning. basard. the non-duality... it never STOPS, until you stop thinking about non-duality, in which case, it’s still a side within non-duality... f!cking paradoxical-non-paradoxical. Loops. Loops Everywhere. The Strings. Oh God. The Strings

OK jesus if i don’t make the judgement call and just say Yeah Ok Stop. this will never end. Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Obscurity And Reblogged Content 

[ceigretta988742-blog]

What Is It-- Interest Planner.

Marriages generally start with wild passion, sex and temptation and also an affection that joins a male and a ladies crazy and also understanding that goes beyond all various other connections they have ever had. When it involves passion - a solid emotion of desire - there is a need to be brave sufficient to both acknowledge and accept it. Some allow their interest take over the wheel as well as do things that challenge the status quo, press boundaries, wreckage custom and also inevitably reshape the globe as we understood it. To strive for your interest is to be different from the remainder. Such people are the topic of Living the Wired Life, a collection of profiles regarding individuals who make use of technology to seek their interest as well as succeed at their endeavors, whether it's riding thousands of miles via the desert, going across the Pacific in document time or putting yourself in the studio with Mick and also Keith as they laid down the tracks for Exile on Main Road. The very first polar pairing stood for the data processing style or lens one utilizes to study and also evaluate experience, that is, being cognitive" and/or affective." (Exactly what I call making use of a head and/or heart mode.") The second pairing showed the mood" offered an experience or the point of view that arises from involvement, that is, having a feeling of gravitas" (an attitude of weight and also deepness) and/or an ability for comedia" (easy going enlightenment). They are rooms where we could all fantasize, play games, keep fit, slump in deckchairs, stroll the canine, peep at flowers, munch sandwiches at lunch break away from workplaces as well as, usually, really feel that the city - our very own particular city - is a benign location after all: unlike the latest high-rise building or apartment block, they are absolutely priceless. Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger recently composed a stunning book - Play It Again: An Amateur versus the Difficult - that discovers the year he invested learning Chopin's No Ballade 1, aged 56. As well as he was simply among the many high-profile amateur pianists, including star Simon Russell Beale as well as the previous UK Chancellor of the Exchequer, Ed Balls, that were convinced to tackle Schumann's Kinderszenen (Scenes from Childhood years) live onstage at a concert in London in 2014. Microsoft is currently lobbying folks at the Business Division, claiming that the situation would seriously damage the economic climate (Exactly what benefits Microsoft is good for the U.S.A ...). However, high-level DOJ resources say the strong foundation of the instance - born of the lawful toughness of the instance and also the relationship in between Reno and also Bingaman - is expected to hold up against whatever political stress may be brought to bear at the last minute. If you are ever going to please female sexually, you do not have to be extremely intuitive to understand you will certainly require to last a bit much longer. Here's more information regarding mouse click the next web page review our website. We Have 360 Noticeably Various Detects" If we go back in time to around 3,000 BC throughout the Golden era those civilizations believed we had lots of various senses, greater than simply the routine 5 senses that everybody knows about. I have actually lived below almost my entire life, and not being a threat taker, feel quite unpleasant in making the modification. Think about any kind of fantasies that you have actually had or anything sex-related that you wanted to try or believed was fascinating. In recordings, Pärt's singing songs of this period commonly sounds like a laundry of instruments and also voices, yet listening online I was struck by the suspended intensity of the play in between private tools as well as vocalists, and also by the obstacle - well met by all - of protecting the necessary circulation of Pärt's wavinesses. The feelings at the real-time event were absolutely high, as the cameras reduced to tear-stained faces as well as the crowd supported when Jesus was finally resurrected. Travers had actually told Elegance that she typically stayed on, in some cases with visitors, occasionally by herself. The Third step of Planning is to create methods to obtain to your internal elegance, sexuality, as well as tranquility The common Prescription is to breathe for 30 secs as well as observe your 3rd chakra 3 times a day, when you open your eyes in the morning, after lunch, and also before you shut your eyes during the night. I get empty stares if I bring up NFL quarterback names like Bradshaw, Montana, and also Staubach. The collection has actually been so everywhere that it feels deliberate as opposed to untidy-- virtually like the rotating team of filmmakers are trying to verify that characters this renowned and wide could fit into any flavor of smash hit. Possibly you really feel tightness in your throat, chest or in other places, You could neglect to breather. After 15 years of drugs, she currently completely trusts her inner guide and also follows her very own natural dish for a healthy and balanced life which includes drawing on the recovery of her inner charm and also sexuality. Instead, he would pick her up when she left work, around eleven in the evening, and also they would certainly go for a drive, stop for ice cream or a hamburger-- Maury was meticulous about not taking her into a bar, because she was not yet twenty-one-- after that wind up car park somewhere.