#jesus fucking CHRIST this took a LONG ASS TIME TO COMPILE

[inumbro]

a collection of some of the ama answers, all the twitter posts, and all of red posts on the boards about zed & some related topics that I can find from the last ~1.5 years (with a few exceptions), so that I have all this info in one spot for reference

organised based first by topic, then by rioter

if anyone has any jhin / xayah / rakan / vastaya related information that I missed I’d appreciate a link so I can add it bc there’s not nearly as much not-officially-canon-canon information on those connections as I remember there being!

Morals:

WAAARGHbobo said:

No. He is, if anything, a hardline nationalist and federalist.

WAAARGHbobo said:

Zed is, indeed, much more complicated than you think. But he is definitely not a nice person.

@miketmccarthy said:

At the moment, [Akali] does not align with [Zed’s] philosophy. He killed Shen’s father and master. Although they are both aggressive, Akali is inherently good and Zed, well, notsomuch.

Shadow magic:

WAAARGHbobo said:

...A wizard has a different, more studious, and analytical way of accessing magic — but arguably a shaman has a more inate connection to spirit magic. While warriors like Zed, Shen, and Kayn have studied a different way to access magical power—

The strenght of the connection, the control, and the narrowness of focus are all important variables...

@LaurieGolding said:

... but Shadow Magic had not been practiced in Runeterra for a long time, before Zed started. Jax hasn't had time to master it in the ~10 years since then!

Kayn:

Scathlocke said:

Kayn's principal conflict is almost not with Rhaast at all, but Zed. It is very likely that his master sent him to retrieve the weapon knowing that it would be the ultimate test for his protege - either it would destroy him, or he would conquer the Darkin and become a worthy new leader for the Order of Shadow.

Basically, Kayn and Zed have a super-complicated "adopted father" type of relationship going on. Rhaast is more like Lady Macbeth, in this current situation.

@LaurieGolding said:

I think [Kayn’s] shadow-form is what Kayn and Zed both hope the outcome will be - he's been given a near-impossible task by his master, as a true and final test of his worthiness to one day lead the Order of Shadow. If he fails, the weapon will consume him.

It's interesting, because both Zed and Swain seem to have engineered their plans for succession into their own rise to power. Both of them seem to say "You can have my job... IF you can take it!"

@LaurieGolding said:

Kayn is a singularly gifted student, but Zed gave him the hardest test imaginable - to withstand the power of a Darkin. ...

Jaredan said:

I wouldn't take the horror of Kayn's experience as typical of Noxus's approach or attitude to recruitment. The Ionia conflict saw some very strange things happen within the Noxian military and beyond. I can't talk about them yet. But that day will come.

@miketmccarthy said:

I think a lot of that will come out later... Zed has had a complicated run in his life, he wants a successor, and I believe he hopes Kayn is 'the one' and time will tell whether or not he can be that. Zed saved Kayn from certain death, trained him, raised him. He cares.

Interlocutioner said:

Link to Zed: Functionally, they're master and apprentice. But in truth, I think they have a deeper relationship than that. Zed sees himself in Kayn. An orphan with a gift and a drive that others can't control, no matter how much they try. No matter how much Zed tries, in Kayn's case, lol. I think Zed might also see something he could never be in Kayn. Kayn's link to the shadow is deep, for whatever reason. Maybe Zed hopes this is a sign that Kayn could do better than him? Ultimately succeed him? And he may have other, darker motives as well.

I think Kayn's respect for Zed is just as deep. Unfortunately, he's in the process of convincing himself that the only way he can prove himself to his father figure is by becoming something more than Zed wants him to be. Stronger than Zed. Strong enough to defeat him, if necessary.

They have a bond, but it will be tested.

...

I just mean their bond will be tested by Kayn's possession of Rhaast, if nothing else.

Kinkou + Jhin:

Jaredan said:

The characters you mentioned [Shen, Zed, Jhin] are very important to each other's lives going forward...

Jaredan said:

Shen, Zed, and Jhin, sitting in a tree. K. I. L. L. I. N. G.

In their history, Jhin is absolutely an antagonist. But Shen doesn't look at Zed with any kind of fondness, only with betrayal. The man he thought was his brother murdered his father, the person that Shen defined himself by.

However, it's true that Shen can't give into his own immediate, visceral anger. Perhaps he even tells himself he doesn't hold that anger against Zed. His job does require him to hold that inner balance to perform it. It's a role that he does partly in honor of his father. Still, if Shen told you he isn't angry, would you believe him?

When he has two worlds balanced on the edge of a blade, how long any man keep his hand steady?

I'm not going to talk about where their story might be headed in specifics, but those are the things that are involved in our thinking.

Jaredan said:

Yup, though Shen and Zed's relationship is a bit more complicated than Tobias and Malcolm's. Zed and Shen also have more complicated personalities and responsibilities than TF and Graves (that's not a challenge when it comes to Graves especially, he's a to-the-point kind of fellow).

Scathlocke said:

Shen is most likely seeing quite a few parallels between Zed's path, and Akali's. There is some significant crossover in their ideology, and they both rejected the Kinkou Order in some way... but Zed rejects the notion of "balance" as weak, and is more than happy to use any/all means at his disposal. Akali is certainly not there, yet!

Thermal_Kitten said:

Akali knows the cost of Zed’s break with the Kinkou. Zed was training alongside Shen, but after their first run in with Jhin, Zed began to have second thoughts. (We updated Zed’s bio to add more context and details surrounding this.)

...

As far as the Order of Shadow and the Kinkou, they don’t exactly work together, it’s more they tend to keep out of each other’s territory and see to Ionia’s future in their own ways. If it came to a direct disagreement, it could come to blows.

WAAARGHbobo said:

Jhin give us a chance to show that Ionia is in transition. The attack on their nation changed them. They are embracing technology they had previously thought unnecessary, and they are questioning their morale foundations. Jhin is the true villain of Zed and Shen's story-- and he represents everything that could go wrong for Ionia.

The Noxus-Ionia war:

Scathlocke said:

Seven years since Swain seized power and commanded the Noxian armies to leave Ionia.

@LaurieGolding said:

Noxus has a HUGE military presence off the main coast of Ionia - the First Lands are so concerned with restoring balance after they "won" the war, they've failed to notice that Noxus hasn't actually abandoned the island of Fae'lor, for example...

@LaurieGolding said:

The Great Stand at Navori was about ten years ago, and she was something like 14 then. Swain seized control of Noxus roughly three years later and ended the war in Ionia.

@LaurieGolding said:

Noxus was originally supposed to be persuading Ionia to join the empire, which of course became an occupation, then a war. They didn't intend to pillage/destroy... But it seems Darkwill was actually looking for magical stuff to extend his life, so who knows? (LeBlanc, maybe?)

@LaurieGolding said:

The death toll was catastrophic, certainly. But also, Ionia has been marked with a big, bloody Noxian handprint that they'll never be able to wash away - the soul of the First Lands has been changed forever... Was that Swain's plan all along? It's hard to say.

Vastaya:

Q&A:

Why is there a rebellion? Is Zed doing something with magic that affects the vastaya and are they dying as a result?

Not dying, but magical essence sustains their continued existence. The less magic there is, the fewer resources there are to support vastayan life and tradition. Other humans tap into or twist up the same magic source that the Lhotlan vastaya need to survive. This is not necessarily a moral thing, good people do bad things for good reasons, unaware of the consequences it causes others. Zed and his people are unknowingly or uncaringly accelerating the drain of the magical energy though they are absolutely not alone in doing this. This is aggravating the growing tension between humans and some vastayan tribes in Ionia - and directly violates the agreements that were forged between species.

Miscellaneous:

In response to:

Then Zed decided to pull a Sasuke because he couldn't deal with someone being better/picked over him.

Jaredan said:

Zed's issues run a bit deeper than that.

WAAARGHbobo said:

[referring to the wild magic video] It is not a part of the timeline. Promotion team just takes inspiration from the lore-- they do not make stuff within the timelines. Because... uh.. Reasons? Well you'd have to ask them.

WAAARGHbobo said:

So as the guy who did this, and Jhin’s lore...

The character you love hasn’t changed.

This simply expands the timeline and shows how Zed’s descent can be understood from his own perspective.

This timeline was actually done during Jhin, and the goal was to give Zed’s fall a slower, more human, less arch, trajectory.

Timeline (rough from my phone):

Shen and Zed are students together and bros. Zed is clearly the better, more talented student.

Kusho takes the two young teenagers undercover chasing “the golden demon”

Jhin crime scenes traumatized zed. (And shen)

Zed begans to struggle with his studies.

Kusho catches but refuses to kill Jhin. Zed loses respect for his master.

Zed begins to study forbidden shadow magic. —gets in trouble.

Leaves.

Noxus invades —zed witness war crimes. Kusho’s refusal to help the war effort is the last straw, Zed is no longer sympathetic or allied to the kinkou. While not directly opposed to them— he begins to view the kinkou as rivals.

Zed forms his own order— related to the Navoi militia group. (Spelling?)

Some vastaya tribes looking for a better deal, ally with the Noxus. Others fight for Ionia. Zed begins hostility with non- humans.

The war is tough, zed returns to the take the last of the shadow magic. Kusho tries to stop him.

Zed kills his master, shen’s dad.

Shen becomes the eye of twilight.

Kayn.

The war ends.

Zed begins consolidating power. Trains kayn. (He continues hostility with noxus, growing hostility with many Vastaya tribes.)

Harrowing mists begin to bother the southern Ionia sea ports.

Kayn gets raaast (around here i think)

Jhin is frees.... by someone

Zed finds out jhin is free. contacts Shen.

Jhin heads to zaun.

[tedturneriscrazy]

Here's Eclipse Lake, an episode that has been highly anticipated! Will it top Knock, Knock, Knockin' On Hooty's Door?

I'll skip the pretense: No. It won't.

You'll see under the cut.

Hmm, that list of ingredients for the Grimwalker...I'll let other people theorize about this (like @sepublic ), but it sure looks like a thing

Guess the mysterious green goo won't cut it, huh?

Belos face reveal already?! Huh, didn't expect it so soon.

Oh, no, he's hot! (And I'm mad about it)

Still an ass, though

Now we know why Hunter was wearing a different outfit (because people fixated on that for some reason)

Amity with the clipboard gives me strong Dipper vibes

GHOST! My beloved!

I need a moment because CAT!

(Also, someone pointed out earlier that Ghost was based on Dana's cat, and that's super obvious in hindsight)

Raine?! Oh, wait, you mean rain. Sigh.

Eda gets training tips from DBZ confirmed

(Also Amity's face when reacting to Eda's explanation is priceless)

Oh God Eda's a weeb I need another moment

Damn, Amity just straight up calling Eda old

Oh, loopy Luz

(The abomination holding the tissue box is adorable for many reasons)

Yeah, don't want Luz to eat the McGuffin

I have several questions about those Tamagotchis that I'll refrain from listing here

Amity your Odalia is showing

Girlfriend counter: 1

(Yes I am introducing a counting gag, deal with it)

Was wondering if they were ever gonna reference the dissection incident. We've come a long way, baby!

Oh, so that's what everyone was looking at

Luz honey your enthusiasm is admirable but no

Luz burrito is quite cute, though

Girlfriend counter: 2

(Damn, still wild to think that that's the case)

Just occurred to me that "Boots" is probably shortened from "Bossyboots" from earlier

Guess the Luz hiss compilation needs to be updated again

Those tunnels ain't the only thing around here that's unstable, amirite?

Oops, guess Kiki was justified, after all

Maybe don't talk so loudly about your plans, dude

That is her son, get it right!

Serves you right for having that stupid strand of hair sticking out like that

Is this just the episode where everyone dunks on White Boy? Because I can totally get behind that.

Already mentioned this, but I am loving the parallels between Katara and Amity with that bottle of abomination goo. Insert obligatory "Two Nickels" meme here about Mae Whitman.

We really are just dunking on the white boy and I am living for it

Hooty had to get it from somewhere, I suppose

Nothing says mother-son bonding like shooting things at each other (see also: Separate Tides)

I'm sure the magic bouncing off the veins won't come into play later at all

Oh well, at least the echolocation looked cool

At this point Amity would kill Hunter for a Klondike bar

Wait why does Hooty need a chair

Willow with the galaxy brain ideas

"A bad but sad boy" Luz is a genius at succinctly summing people up

Kikimora continues to be unhinged. Ironically she's not wrong about Hunter.

Motherfucker stop acting like you know what that says

(Also, projecting much?)

Girlfriend counter: 3

Friendly reminder that Hunter is still an antagonist

Uh oh

UH OH

I know someone mentioned Willow having the brain cell, but honestly it seemed like Luz had it this whole time. And that's not good.

WHY IS FOOL'S BLOOD EVEN A THING

Aaaaand cue the getting screwed over

Further reminder that he's still an antagonist (Apparently there's a vocal segment who's Really Mad at him that seem to forget this fact)

You unhand Ghost right now!! And Amity too, I guess.

(I kid, she's literally my second favorite character)

For what she did to Raine it warms my heart to know Kiki has had zero peace of mind

Wait, the Abomatons are Transformers?! Okay, that's kind of awesome, actually. Alador might be a shit dad but he is a brilliant inventor.

Chucking kids off cliffs is a surpisingly common pastime in the Boiling Isles

Owlbert no!

Eda did spend literal decades fighting the Owl Beast within, so I guess she can't be blamed for not thinking to talk to it

Also hurry up guys I'm very concerned about Owlbert

Fuck yeah Harpy Milf!

Yay Ghost returns!

She's glad they're okay (I didn't need to take this, I just thought it was cute. Also this is surprisingly high quality considering I just took a photo of my TV screen)

Oh, so they do have video games in the Demon Realm. That or Luz introduced them.

Trailer shot!

Oh dear, we about to have a fight over the key

Wow, being so high ranking under Belos is really bad for mental health

Jesus Christ Belos what have you been putting in this poor kid's head?

Leave it to King to give radical recontextualizations

Amity, I'm glad you remembered/realized this about Luz, please don't let the sad white boy play you like that again

Also, I appreciate the gesture you're making, and it's a wonderful summary of your character development, but goddamnit he's gonna go for that key because he's STILL AN ANTAGONIST

"Being nice usually works for Luz!" A) Not always, and B) Amity I love you but Luz you are not. A valiant attempt nonetheless.

Ooh, cool fight scene!

Always lovely to see such superb animation

I was privately griping about not seeing Amity use magic for so long, and now I am fed

Don't think I didn't hear the glass breaking

Appreciate your ass from a hole in the ground, Golden Boy!

(jk I don't actually feel that strongly about him still. That kind of threat still isn't cool, though)

Oh so that's why it's the Common Mold!

It's kinda cute, actually. Or maybe it's just because it's Luz.

TIL Hooty is heat resistant

Apparently Owl Beast just wanted a snack

Girlfriend counter: 4

Also love how calling Amity her awesome girlfriend is literally the first thing Luz says to her upon returning.

Yesssss return the hug! You deserve it!

(I know there are higher quality versions of this screenshot, I just didn't feel like looking around)

King demands huggies, too! (And gets 'em)

Reminder that Amity is smart as hell. I knew that glass breaking indicated something!

So once again I've been had. I let the fandom trick me into thinking this episode would be way more intense. Guess that one screenshot was from the next episode.

Overall this was...fine. Some nice Lumity moments, Harpy Eda strutting her stuff, that gorgeously animated fight sequence; those were all lovely.

I do wish Willow and Gus had a bit more to do. And I'm still rather unenthusiastic about Hunter, to be honest. I've seen his type several times before, and the path they have for him is rather obvious. I may never share the fandom's love for him, and I guess I'll have to deal with that.

Anybody who says this was better than KKKOHD is a damn fool.

Mid season finale next week! I think Yesterday's Lie will finally bring the pain!

[alwaysaslutforbakugang]

Dating Stoner Sero Hanta

Summary: What life would be like dating a pothead Cellophane 

Warning: Bad language, mentions weed, gets kinda kinky my dudes

Word count: 686

Author’s notes: Hey guys! sorry i haven’t been posting anything lately. I���m still kinda busy with things in my life rn but I just needed to post something for you guys. Hope you enjoy. 

Sfw:

When you two start dating, you weren’t a smoker. Now? Oh you both roll it up and smoke it down. At the beginning of your relationship, he was kinda nervous to smoke weed around you. Were you comfortable with it? Did it disgust you? Did he disgust you? But soon enough it just kinda became the norm. It was a huge weight off his shoulders, especially when you started smoking as well.

Sero bought you your first bong. It was intricate and curvy and your favorite color and you loved it. You later bought a bowl to match.

You both have matching lighters.

Sero definitely has a high playlist that he’ll play in the car when you guys hotbox.

You guys shotgun a lot. You think it’s romantic in a hippy-dippy kinda way. He’ll pull you really close before he locks his hand with yours. He’ll never take his eyes off of you as you inhale as much as your lungs can hold. He thinks you look so fucking beautiful.

Sero is already the funniest man you know, add that on top of the fact that you both are high as shit and watching 3 hour long meme compilations at 2 in the morning. 

#GoodShit

You both get SUPER excited for 420 and make a big day out of it. You’ll invite friends and even dabble in making a few edibles. You all will watch shitty movies and spend the entire time just relaxing and having fun. 

Sero usually smokes indica while you find that smoking sativa gets you really up and going.

Sero taught you how to roll. But despite you knowing how, you’ll still ask him to roll it for you. You love watching his technique as his tongue wets the sheet. 

jesus christ. . .

Nsfw: 

Having sex while you both are stoned out of your mind? The best fucking thing!

The good thing about dating a stoner was that they are good with their hands. Their fingers to be even more specific

If you guys are laying in a bed at the moment, Sero will trace his fingers over your curves, intently watching them go up and down your frame. It’ll a be light touch but the want and desire are all there.

You two will be smoking only to end up with Sero two fingers, knuckle deep in you. 

Your favorite thing is to have Sero eat you out while you smoke. Your senses are over the fucking moon and it just feels so intense, so much more sinful in the best of ways. He’ll lift up from between your legs, face covered in you and smirk before teasingly asking: “So you gonna pass it or you want me to keep going?” 

One time you guys got really high and you had convinced him to throat fuck you. Though a bit hesitant, Sero did not disappoint. You took one long hit from the bong before laying with your back on the bed and your head over the edge. He took his sweet time as he pushed his dick past your lips and down the back of your throat. You would gag but assure him you were fine. 

Sero believes that was the hardest he’s ever came.

Sero would get more talkative when high, and that also applies in the bedroom. You’ll both be high and he’ll have you ride him while he just lists off everything he finds absolutely sexy about you. 

“Fuck, you look so fucking good baby.” “Look at those tits, just for me.” “Shit! Let me cum in you (y/n).”

He’s also a bit more lazy. He’ll sit back and relax while you suck him off or he’ll let you ride him for a while before taking matters into his own hands. 

Sero is an ass man, so one time as a joke you had ordered a pair of black panties with “Roll Your Weed On it” across the butt. You wore them one night when he was hanging in your dorm and he was so turned on and distracted that he dropped the blunt and almost started a fire.

[driversmutbucket]

Second Chances.

Part 1

Adam Sackler x Reader

Warnings: cursing

Author note: I’ve been wanting to whittle away at this for a while. I think I will slow burn this in between smutty filth. I wrote this as occurring post season 6. Basically I just want to give baby boi a happy ending. K bye.

———

“Mom! I can’t find my shoes!”

You groaned, swearing under your breath.

“Have you looked properly? Under your bed?”

“Oh! found them!”

You shoveled cereal into your mouth, knowing full well it was going to be the last thing you ate for hours.

“Mom, we need to go I don’t want to be late”, Celia stood in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed. The school bag on her back looked almost as big as her.

“Alright, keep your hair on”, you sighed as your threw things into your purse before following Celia out the front door.

———

You breathed a sigh of relief as you watched Celia dash through the front doors of the school.

You looked forward to the post drop-off coffee at the cafe nearby and even going to work.

The theatre was busy, people milled everywhere as you walked through the main doors, the excitement and nervous energy was palpable. Today was the day everyone was finally meeting, thus far, each department had only met separately to become acquainted while casting was wrapping up.

Heading backstage you waved and greeted a few of the crew members you had come to know. You could already hear the laughter and general chatter from behind the doors of the makeup, hair and costume department.

Smiling you pushed through the swing doors, greeted with a loud “Hey Boss lady!” From your colleague Clinton.

“Hey! Good morning” you smiled as you approached the designated makeup/hair area.

“I took the liberty of grabbing you a coffee, creamer and sweetener right?” Clinton motion to the cup at your station.

“I know we haven’t known each other long, but I love and adore you” you grinned.

After some initial gossip and chat you got down to figuring out a plan of attack for the day together. Today was the beginning of trialing makeup and hair on the cast.

A head of department meeting and a hurried lunch break later it was early afternoon. The assistant director poked her head in the door,

“Y/n? I’m going to send you Adam in about 10 minutes” she called across the room.

Giving the thumbs up, you turned to the cast list, scanning for an Adam.

Fiyero......................Adam Sackler

“Oh he plays the love interest” you said excitedly as you started flicking through the folder you had compiled of reference material.

“I have honestly never worked with anyone who is this nerdy” Clinton mused, “but goddam it’s helpful”.

“Thanks? So anyway, I’m thinking for the hair per-” you stopped, noticing Clinton grinning like an idiot at someone behind you.

“Hi uhhh, y/n?”

You turned and looked up at a towering, built man, I mean, you weren’t exactly short yourself but he dwarfed you.

“Adam?” You smiled warmly, he nodded.

“Come have a seat” you said patting the client chair.

As he sat down, you could see Clinton trying to mouth words to you, but you ignored him. You knew enough about Clinton to know it was probably something very unprofessional.

“I’m going to have to lower the seat if I’m to have any hope of looking at your hair” you grinned as you stepped on the pedal at the base of the chair so he came down to eye level with you.

Finally looking at Clinton, who was staring at Adam like he was a slice of cake, you broke his trance. “Hey Clinton, wanna heat up some of the hair tools and we will mess around a bit, see what’s possible?” His head snapped up to look at you before he mouthed “holy fuck”.

Turning back to Adam, you ruffled and ran your fingers through his hair, “you have great hair Adam” you gushed. It was long and thick, just grazing his shoulders. You could feel him studying your face.

“So I’m thinking, Fiyero, he is kind of living behind this facade. So perhaps we should try a kind of super polished, Prince Charming vibe to begin....”, you trailed off, staring at Adam, lost in thought.

“Oh shit, you’ve actually read the script!” He seemed excited.

For the next 10 minutes you became engrossed in character discourse.

“Uhhh y/n.....” Clinton interrupted, handing you a straightener.

“Oh fuck, sorry!” You laughed “I get carried away talking about this sort of thing”.

Clinton snorted, “I’ll say it again, biggest nerd....”

You swatted at him.

The next half an hour you spent styling Adam’s hair into various look, and photographing each one.

“Ok, great I think that wraps up hair” you said as you smoothed some flyaways.

Placing your hand on Adam’s arm you smiled sympathetically “Thanks for being so patient Adam, I’m a bit of a perfectionist”.

He grinned, “Oh honestly it’s no problem, I get it, I can turn into a bit of a lunatic when I’m learning lines.”

“Could you grab the ring light Clinton? Let’s start some makeup.”

You took a moment to study Adam’s face, his features were strong, some would say, handsome.

“You have lovely skin and features for makeup” you mused.

“I must add that to my resume” he chuckled.

“Honestly, some people’s features can get completely lost under heavy stage make up, and then you have to do all this extra work to redefine...” you waved your hand, “I’m getting off track again”.

You got into your zone, testing makeup. It didn’t stop you admiring the little beauty marks on his face, or his plump lips. He watched you work, intently. Especially when you gave Clinton pointers on application. It was a little weird, but you didn’t mind. You caught his eye, smiling from time to time. He asked the odd question about your brushes or a specific technique, seeming genuinely interested. He was different to most actors you dealt with. Quirky, but in an endearing way.

By the time you had finished with Adam, it was late afternoon. You gently wiped the heavy makeup off his face,

“Thanks Adam” you beamed, “I’m really happy with what we achieved”.

“Hey, did you hear a bunch of us are grabbing dinner later, are you coming?”

“Oh yeah, I am, see you then?”

He grinned “See you then”.

After he had left, you checked your phone, seeing a message from Celia’s stepmom saying she had picked her up from school as planned, for the weekend. You fired off quick reply, hoping to go grab a coffee before the next actor turned up.

As you cleaned your brushes Clinton cleared his throat, “so...Adam is a delicious beast of a man” he said coyly.

“Oh Jesus Christ” you snorted “but yes, he is a good looking guy”.

“I would climb him like a fucking tree” Clinton sighed “my god, his buttons looked like they were going to pop off his shirt, he is so big.”

“Note to self, make sure Clinton is not assigned to Adam, ever” you joked.

——

When the day was finally wrapped up it was after 7pm. Feeling absolutely drained you considered ditching the dinner with your colleagues. However, the prospect of getting to chat with Adam was more than appealing.

Arriving at the restaurant you could hear the group before you saw them.

“Y/N get that fine ass over here!!” Someone yelled.

You rolled your eyes, but grinned and made your way over to the table. Seeing Adam you gave him a little wave.

“Hey, I saved you a spot” he yelled over the music and chatter, patting the space on the bench beside him.

“Thanks!” You smiled, squeezing in next to him.

A waitress came over and asked for drink orders.

“House red please.”

The waitress joted it down and looked expectantly at Adam, “soda water please”.

“Not drinking tonight?” You asked, having to lean close to his ear so he could hear you.

“Not drinking ever” he shrugged.

“Oh, good on you” you smiled, placing a hand on his lower arm reassuringly.

Before he could reply, the assistant director tapped her glass with her knife.

“Oi! Shut up, I want to make a toast” she yelled standing up.

“Lets cheers to the beginning of an amazing run. I’m gonna call it early, best cast and crew ever!”

Cheers and whoops erupted from the 30 odd people crammed around the big table as everyone clinked their glasses.

As the dinner progressed, it became more and more impossible to have a conversation as the establishment became rowdier.

Giving up on talking completely Adam motioned at the door. Nodding you stood up and he followed you to the door.

“That was fucking ridiculous” he breathed as the door shut behind him.

“Jesus Christ I’ve been in quieter nightclubs” you laughed, “want to grab a coffee or something?”

“Love to” he grinned.

———

Finding a 24/7 diner down the block you went in and picked a booth in a dim, quiet corner.

You hummed happily as your wrapped your hands around a steaming mug of coffee. Taking a sip you closed your mouth eyes blissfully.

You could feel Adam’s eyes on you and you looked up to meet them, smiling.

“Sorry I was just having a moment with my true love, coffee.”

He snorted a laugh, you noticed the way his eyes crinkled, they were warm, kind eyes.

“No husband or whoever then?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh no, not anymore, I mean, no, nobody.”

You could have sworn you saw relief flutter across his face.

“You?”

“No, nobody” he said softly.

“Well aren’t we a pair” you murmured, smiling gently.

After a beat of silence you sighed, “Sorry i’m expectionally shit at small talk, which is ironic considering I do makeup and hair”

“Oh me too, there no fucking point to it, I’d just rather sit in silence”

“I can’t believe we have never ran into each other on the theatre circuit” you mused “I’ve been working around for a few years now”.

Adam shrugged “I’ve been in and out, some shit happened...”.

“I’m really looking forward to seeing you act”.

Adam chewed his cheek, “oh god...”

“Oh come on, you are obviously very good to be cast in something like Wicked”.

He gave a crooked smile, “I just overthink everything I guess”.

“I think the best people do.”

You talked through 2 cups of coffee and a milkshake. It was after midnight and you yawned.

“Where’s home Adam?”

“Brooklyn”

“Me too! Should we share a cab?”

“I was actually gonna walk”

You burst into laughter, “to fucking Brooklyn?!”

He grinned, “do it all the time”.

Maybe it was due to the large quantities of caffeine but you felt inspired. “Fuck you are a strange one, but I like it, let’s walk to fucking Brooklyn!”

“Fuck yeah!” Adam banged the table with his hand grinning.

———

By the time you got to the Brooklyn bridge you were feeling slightly exhausted. However when you turned and looked at the city from the bridge you gasped. It was beautiful, and the bridge was empty. Leaning against the rail you took in the view.

“This is beautiful” you said in awe.

Adam pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket, offering you one.

“Thanks” you smiled, taking one. You smoked socially, but never at home or around Celia. It was something you had had to cold turkey when you found out you were pregnant with her. There was a comfort to having a cigarette in your mouth. It reminded you of college, the wild, carefree times.

You stood there side by side, in silence for a few minutes, drinking in the twinkling lights of the city.

“I miss having someone to do this shit with”, you sighed.

“Your doing it with me right now?” Adam turned to you smiling.

You waved your hand, “you know what I mean.”

He sighed, “yea, I do”.

“Ever been in love?” You asked, quietly, looking at the water.

“Yup, you”.

“Yup”.

“What happened?”

He sighed. It was a sad sigh.

“You don’t have to answer that, sorry” you lay you hand on his forearm that rested on the bridge rail.

“No, it’s ok, I just haven’t talked about it in a while, tried to move on you know?”

“Yeah I know...”

“We were a fucked up couple, it was just never going to work. We were off and on. She was fucking stubborn and messed up. I had my own shit. I even fucking offered to raise a kid that wasn’t mine, when she got pregnant while we weren’t together, I just...” he trailed off.

“Didn’t want it to end?” You offered gently.

“Yeah something like that.”

He looked at you, contemplating, taking a drag from his cigarette. “You?”

“We got together when we were both in college. Young, you know, just kids really? We are very different people, I just don’t think it was ever going to work. We tried really hard for the sake of our daughter.”

Adam whipped his head to look at you, eyes bright.

“You have a kid?!”

You grinned, “Yeah, she’s 5”.

“Fucking awesome, I love kids, I have a niece, she’s fucking cool”.

You laughed, “I’ve never had a guy so enthused at my single parent status before. It’s usually what I pull out of the bag when I want them to make them run for the hills”.

“People are fucking stupid” he snorted, “what’s her name?”

“Celia.”

“Wait, Shakespeare?” Adam raised an eyebrow at you.

“Yes! Holy shit nobody ever gets that!” You almost squealed.

You started walking over the bridge and discussing various Shakespeare plays with enthusiasm, laughing loudly at Adam’s sudden monologue performances in ridiculous accents.

By the time you reached your apartment you hardly even noticed the mammoth distance you had walked.

“This is me.”

“Oh I’m not far from here actually.”

“Thanks so much Adam, actually this has been the best time I’ve had in ages,” you smiled.

He grinned, “likewise”.

You wrapped you arms around him, hugging tightly. He reciprocated immediately, engulfing you.

“Let’s do this again ok?” You mumbled into his chest.

“We will” he promised. Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 / Epilogue

[thegreatwhiteferret]

Attention

Summary: Richie chose drugs over his relationship with Stan, but can't stand the thought of him moving on. Now he will do anything to get Stan's attention back on him.

A/N: It’s a lot of feelings and smut y’all and I am sorry in advance. [NSFW, Aged up to 18, right before High School graduation. Drug use, Underage Drinking, Angst, Revenge Porn, and Feelings.]  

NSFW under cut...

Stan was pacing the floor. Watching the phone. He would pause every so often to straighten something on the coffee table, his overwhelming need to have everything organized ticking away at him even in moments like this. Richie was supposed to call. He was going to go home, check in to see how bad his parental situation was, and then call Stan. That was two and a half hours ago. He sighed, sitting down on the edge of the couch and ran his hands over his face. Richie was flaking more and more as of late. Coming up with weak excuses and bailing on their plans. Stan missed him, missed the crazy chaotic boy that held his heart.

When he had waited three hours to no avail, Stan decided he was done. He trudged up the stairs and ripped off his sweater and ass accentuating pants, it was Richie’s favorite outfit, that’s why he had worn it. There was no point in being dressed up now. He stared at his reflection in the mirror above his dresser.

He had carefully groomed himself when he had gotten home from school from top to bottom. He had spent 45 minutes trying to tame the curls on top of his head, the corkscrews were resistant to product and still popped up all over the place. He had attempted to tame his lower half as well, carefully shaving, cleaning, and prepping so that he would be ready for Richie later. He was hoping that tonight they would be spending some time making his prep worthwhile. They hadn’t slept together in almost a month, Richie always coming up for some excuse as to why he had to head home. It killed Stan, he was starting to think that something was wrong with him, that he couldn’t please his boyfriend anymore. He was hoping that tonight he could break them out of the slump and get back to who they were, but now he knew that it was a wasted effort.

Stan shook the thoughts of his missing boyfriend out of his mind. He pulled a polo and some khakis on, making sure everything was straight. He marched down the stairs and grabbed his jacket, slipping his shoes on by the door, and calling a goodbye to his parents over his shoulder. He headed out into the cold, and began walking towards the Derry Arcade, where he knew he would find Bill and Mike.

He could see the lights of the arcade in the distance when he heard a loud commotion in the alley between two buildings. He knew that he should keep walking but couldn’t help himself, he looked over at the noise and saw a group of kids whooping and hollering. He froze. In the middle of the group, laughing loudly was none other than his boyfriend, Richie Tozier. Stan looked on in horror, this is what he had waited for? His boyfriend, who was living it up with these random kids? Then it took a turn for the worse, Stan looked closer, and noticed that some of the hoodlums appeared to be snorting a white powder off the hood of a beaten up car.

Stan watched as Richie stepped up to the car and took a long hit, closing his eyes in bliss, when Richie opened his eyes again they met Stan’s. He panicked.

“Shit! Stan! Stanley!” He called, rushing towards the boy, but Stan was already running. He felt Richie grab his arm, damn him and those super long legs. Richie pulled Stan around to face him and was just about to speak when Stan lifted his hand and slapped him right across his face, Richie stumbled back and grabbed his cheek.

“WHAT THE FUCK, RICHIE?” Stan wailed, “I wait at home all night for you to call so that we can hang out, and this is what you’re fucking doing?”

“I can explain, Stan...it’s not what you think, you’re overreacting.” Richie slurred, trying to calm his boyfriend down while his mind was beginning to fully swirl from the bump of cocaine he had just done.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? I’m overreacting? Drugs, Rich. You’re doing drugs.” Stan scoffed, wrapping his arms around himself as the chill from the air and his boyfriend’s demeanor began reaching his bones.

“Jesus Christ, Uris. You’re so fucking uptight.” Richie responded, “So dramatic about everything. It’s just a bit of coke, it’s not a big deal.” Stan rolled his eyes, this was so like Richie, deflecting his own issues by insulting those who actually gave a fuck about him.

“If this is no big deal, why didn’t you tell me? We tell eachother everything! If you have a problem…”

“I don’t have a problem, I can stop whenever I want.” Richie cut him off. “And maybe I didn’t tell you because I knew that you would be a little bitch about this. Looks like I was right.”

“Fuck you, Richie.” Stan said, tears threatening to well up in his eyes, he willed his body to keep them in, “I’m done. Enjoy your fucking drugs and new friends, obviously they are more important than our relationship.” With than Stan turned and walked away, not even turning around to see Richie’s reaction.

*

A giggle erupted from Stan’s mouth. It was an uncharacteristic sound, so free and pure, but it was certainly a welcome change. He writhed and wiggled as fingers pressed into his rib cage. His eyes were watering from laughing so hard.

“All you have to do, Stanny, is say that DC is better than Marvel.” The owner of the fingers chided, digging them in at just the right spot for Stan to squeal again.

“Not a chance, Archie. Marvel has way better storylines and character development! Batman is just a rich guy with stupid gadgets!” He protested through his giggles. Archie sighed and relented. “You give up way too easy.” Stan laughed when he caught his breath and a tongue was stuck out at him in response.

“Good lord, why don’t you too just make out already?” Bev joked from behind the magazine that she was reading while sprawled out on overstuffed chair in the Hanlon’s den. Stan and Archie both blushed and moved away from each other slightly. Mike gave her a pointed look. “I was just joking. Lighten up, would ya?”

“S-so, are w-we carpooling to B-Ben’s party this w-w-weekend?” Bill asked, attempting to change the topic and relieve some of the awkwardness. Mike plopped down next to him on the couch and wrapped his arm around his shoulders.

“Sure, Babe, we can take the farm truck, all of us should fit if we squeeze in.” Mike suggested, looking around for answers from the remaining members of their crew. Bev gave a thumbs up and Eddie agreed as long as he was allowed to sit in a seat with an actual seat belt.

“Is it okay if I meet you there a little bit later?” Archie whispered to Stan, “I have to spend all day Saturday working on my lap report for physics, someone has been distracting me from actually getting it done.” Stan ducked his head and blushed a little bit. He had really enjoyed getting to know Archie, it had helped pull him out from his three month long depressive episode after splitting up with Richie. He felt good, really good. His worries melted away when he was talking to the other boy, he was so easy to talk to and be himself with. He never called him over dramatic either.

“Hmm, well whoever is distracting you must be pretty awesome.” Stan winked at him and Archie rolled his eyes. “But yeah, that’s totally fine. Ben’s parties usually amp up around ten or so.”

They hung out a little longer, talking about school work and the latest gossip, before they started to break off so that they could get home before dark. Stan and Archie headed out last, leaving Bill and Mike to be the adorably disgusting boyfriends that they were. They walked down the dirt road leading back to town. Stan kicked a rock with his shoe, mind swirling in his head.

“Penny for your thoughts, Uris?” Archie asked, giving the curly haired boy a sideways glance. Stan looked back over at him, compiling his thoughts.

“I was just thinking about how grateful I am to have met you.” Stan replied, carefully gauging Archie’s reaction. They hadn’t talked extensively about their respective sexualities. Archie knew that Stan was gay, and had heard from the other Losers that he had gone through an awful break up shortly before they had met. Stan knew that Archie wasn’t so cut and dry, he had had a serious girlfriend before he had moved to Derry, but he had been flirting with Stan...unless Stan had read the signs wrong and he was just super friendly.

“I’m glad I met you too. Moving here was super hard, but knowing you has made it way easier.” Archie said sincerely, stopping in his tracks and grabbing onto Stan’s hand. Stan cocked his head to the side, wondering why they had stopped and then he felt lips press to his own. He responded quickly, Both boys melted into the kiss, and Stan pushed them backwards until he had Archie pressed up against a tree.

They made out for a little longer before they actually walked home; faces flushed, stomachs jittery, and hands intertwined.

*

“H-hey, Stan. C-can I talk t-to you for a m-minute?” Bill asked as they unloaded books into their lockers and got ready for their calculus class.

“Sure, Bill, what’s up?” Stan asked, putting his textbooks back in schedule order on the shelf of his locker. There was never a situation that didn’t improve with organization.

“It’s s-shit, but I t-thought that I s-should tell you b-before someone else d-does…” Bill started, before being cut off.

“Well what do we have here? If it isn’t the Jewish cum guzzling twink of Derry?” Henry Bowers laughed and his crew chimed in.

“Look at this little faggot, he just wants to be on his knees.” Victor Criss spat, “Such a hungry little cumslut.”

“Look at those shorts, so tight, however do you hide your girly panties under there?” Belch added, “Such a little fag, I bet you want to wear bras too.”

They continue to laugh loudly and hurl homophobic insults at him as he rushed down the hallway, Bill hot on his tail. He could feel tears prickling his eyes and was grateful when Bill pulled him into a bathroom and locked the door behind them. He quickly checked to ensure they were alone before full on breaking down.

“What the Hell, Bill? What’s going on?” Stan asked, heaving out breaths and tears flowing down his cheeks.

“St-stan this is w-what I w-was trying to t-tell y-you…” Bill started, sighing before pushing on, “R-Richie has been s-saying some n-na-nasty things about y-you. About w-what you two w-would do t-together.” Stan looked at him questioningly, “S-sexually.”

“Why would he fucking do that?” Stan’s eyes were wide. He had been called homophobic things before, Hell, the whole damn Losers Club had, but never things so specific. Who knew what all Richie had revealed.

“I...I d-don’t know, S-Stan, b-b-but it gets w-worse.” How could it get worse? Stan’s thought was answered when Bill pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Stan. He unfolded the paper carefully and almost puked when he saw what had been photocopied onto it.

There in black and white on the paper was a picture of Stan, on his knees, licking Richie’s dick. He could just make out the lacey panties and stockings that he was wearing, and the mascara that had made his eyes super defined. He recognized the picture. Richie had begged him to let him take a picture of him with his brand new Polaroid camera. Stan had protested, telling him that he didn’t want something like that getting into the wrong hands, but Richie had promised and told Stan how happy it would make him, so he had relented. That was yet another huge mistake that he had made with Richie. Stan threw the paper on the ground and started heaving into the sink. When he had emptied the contents of his stomach, he turned to look at Bill.

“Where did you get this? Are they everywhere? Is there more?” He was panicked. He couldn’t believe that Richie would release this picture.

“T-they were all o-over the q-quad earlier. W-we g-grabbed as m-many as we c-could, but a w-whole bunch of k-kids had t-them.” Bill looked apologetic. “I’m s-sorry, Stan.” Stan’s heart hurt so badly, he felt so betrayed. He had trusted Richie because he had loved him with his whole heart, and Richie was trying to destroy him. He just couldn’t figure out why.

Bill agreed to skip the rest of his classes and take Stan home. He wasn’t going to be able to focus anyway, knowing how badly his friend was hurting. They had almost made it out of the school, when they saw Bev and Ben walking down the hallway. Bev rushed forward and wrapped Stan in her arms, he broke down again and sobbed into her shoulder, any hopes of keeping his dignity were gone.

“I’m so sorry, Stan. I can’t believe that he did this.” She said stroking his back. “Why don’t we go get a whole bunch of ice cream and watch movies. Would that be okay?” Stan nodded and let his friends take him home and take care of him.

*

Ben had told Stan that he didn’t have to make an appearance at his party. That everyone would understand, but Stan wasn’t letting Richie’s shit ruin his life. He was going and he was going to get blitzed out drunk and was going to have fun with his possible new boyfriend. Archie for his part had been super sweet and supportive of Stan. He swore that he hadn’t seen the pictures and had shut down anyone who had tried to spread rumors about his sweet boy.

So Stan was going to this party. He was going to drink his fruity cocktails and dance with Archie, and do whatever the fuck he wanted. He was done letting Richie Tozier control what he did. He put on his tightest pants, black jeans that Bev had bought him from a trendy shop in Portland that made his ass look fantastic, with his favorite pink lace panties underneath. He slipped a black undershirt on and then buttoned up a denim shirt. His curls actually stayed manageable for once, and he swiped a bit of mascara on. It wasn’t the style that he would usually go for, especially not in public, but he felt good.

He raced down the stairs when he heard Mike honk the horn of the trunk and jumped into the backseat with Eddie and Bev. Bev looked over his outfit and smiled at him, he pressed a kiss to her cheek in thanks, and then sat back preparing himself for the night ahead of him.

Stan was beyond tipsy. He was feeling himself. Eddie had tried switching him to water a while ago, but Stan had waited for him to turn his back and had replaced the water with vodka. He could feel the music pulsing through his body and kept thinking of the cute freckle faced redhead that would be showing up soon. He was going to show Archie a good time. Bev had laughed hysterically when he had voiced this out loud, but he didn’t even care.

Suddenly there was a loud bang as a group of grungy looking teens burst into the party. Stan scoffed, at their rudeness before sneaking a bit more alcohol into his cup. When he turned back around, he saw him. Tall and gangly, dark messy curls spilling into his eyes and thick glasses. It was Richie. The other Losers noticed his arrival as well.

“Shit, Stan. I swear I didn’t know that he was going to be here.” Ben sounded like he was panicking, like it was his fault that Richie was a piece of trash asshole. Stan knew that Ben was sincere, he wasn’t mad at him.

Stan was suddenly overcome with rage towards Richie though, so he chugged the rest of his vodka, handed his cup to Eddie and stomped his way over to Richie. Bill tried to reach out to stop him, but Stan shrugged him off and kept moving.

“Hey Trashmouth, you stupid fuckface!” Stan called out, Richie spun on his heel quickly. His face quickly turned from looking as if he had seen a ghost to a shit eating grin.

“Oh hey there, Babygirl. Got your panties in a wad, do ya?” He snarked and his druggie friends laughed with him. Stan had to mentally talk himself down from punching him in his stupid fucking face. Richie looked like shit. Looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, his cheeks had hollowed out even more, cheekbones looking razor sharp. He wore a beat up leather jacket with a grey thermal underneath, and black jeans with holes in them. His eyes were red, not like he was high, but like he had been crying. Stan shook the thought out of his head. Richie was still an asshole who had released that picture to everyone. Who just called him “Babygirl” in front of the entire fucking 12th grade.

“Shut the fuck up, Richard.” Stan screamed, the tips of his ears turning red, “You’ve been running around and throwing dirt on my name! Talking some stupid shit, Trashmouth, considering that I still know all of your secrets.” Richie’s eyes grew in size, he had dished out a ton of shit, just to get a reaction out of Stan, but hadn’t thought about what Stan could do to him in return. “It fucking ends now!” Stan stomped his foot in anger.

“Hah!” Richie gawked, “And what the fuck are you going to do about it?” Stan suddenly remembered where he was, and how many people were staring at them. He glanced over his shoulder and saw the other Losers, faces looking concerned. Bill looked like he wanted to race up and save Stan, like he always did. Stan quickly grabbed Richie’s arm and pulled him up the stairs and into the guest bedroom. He ignored the sound effects that the crowd of teenagers made as they went.

Stan threw Richie into the room and closed the door behind them. Richie sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, while Stan kept his back pressed against the door, trying to clear his head that was still swimming from the alcohol. Richie opened his mouth to undoubtedly make a smart ass comment, but Stan cut him off.

“How could you do this to me, Richie? You loved me at one point, didn’t you? Or was everything about our relationship a lie?” Stan’s anger broke to utter despair.

“Stan.” Richie breathed out before trying to compose himself, “I...I never. I lied. I was shit, but I did love you. I still love you. But you deserve better than some stupid druggie, better than someone who is broken beyond repair.”

“We are all broken, Rich, but that doesn’t mean that you hurt the people who care about you. You promised me that you would never show anyone that picture, and then posted it all over the walls. Do you know what people have been saying about me, just because of the shit you’ve been spreading?” Stan’s anger was rising again, the effects of the alcohol flowing through his body, he couldn’t bring himself to feel pity for someone who hurt him so badly. “I was finally starting to be happy. Finally getting out of bed again, without feeling like everything hurts. And you pull this bullshit.”

“That’s right. You found someone new to focus your affection on and give your body to, I heard about that.” Richie picked at the dirt under his fingernails.

“Oh my fuck.” Stan shook his head, finally understanding. “That’s why you did it. That’s what this is all about. You just can’t stand the thought of me with someone new. You want everything to be about you.” Richie stood up from the bed and moved towards Stan slowly. “Don’t. Don’t you fucking touch me, Tozier!” His words fell on deaf ears as Richie pulled him close to his body and pressed his lips. Stan tried to fight back, but he felt sparks take over his body. The familiarity and love that could only be brought on by Richie Tozier.

Richie nibbled at Stan’s bottom lip and the shorter boy gasped letting him in. Any thoughts of how wrong this was went away as Richie’s tongue slid against his, he had waited for this for so long. Had been craving Richie’s touch since long before they had broken up. Richie walked them backwards until Stan’s legs hit the edge of the mattress and the boy fell back.

Richie was on his knees in an instant, pulling on the button of Stan’s jeans and working to wiggle them down his hips. He made a choked sound when he saw the pretty lace of Stan’s panties. He ran his thumbs over the delicate material, driving Stan crazy, then placed a kiss right above the lace on his hip bone. Stan mewled in response. He continued his mission to get Stan’s pants off, but damn was it a struggle since they were so tight. Stan helped him by kicking them off the rest of the way, as Richie began working on his shirt.

Stan laid back on the bed, clad only in his panties and Richie stood back looking at him, he wanted to devour him.

“Let me blow you.” Stan whined, he wanted some contact, wanted Richie’s thick cock in him. Richie nodded, because who wouldn’t want something as beautiful as Stan Uris to pleasure them? He quickly shrugged off his jacket and shirt and unbuckled his jeans, letting them fall to the ground. Stan was on his knees, pulling Richie’s hips to the edge of the bed in no time at all. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of the taller boy’s boxers and pulled them down. Richie’s cock bounced up against his stomach and it was just as beautiful as Stan had remembered.

He took the tip in his mouth and sucked like he was born to do it, pulling deep groans from Richie. He pulled off and looked Richie dead in the eye as he took him all the way in, letting the head slip into his throat. He pulled off and licked a stripe up the side. Richie was a mess, an absolute disaster as Stan kept working him with his mouth. Stan grabbed Richie’s hand and placed it in his hair, allowing Richie to control how fast and deep he went. Richie would swear up and down that Stan would be the deep throat champion of the world, he would take him all the way in, let him fuck his face, and never complained.

Richie was so close that he could feel his toes tingling, so he pulled Stan off of him. Stan whined at the loss, but Richie just pulled him into a kiss. He reached behind Stan into his panties and felt that Stan’s hole was already lubed up and prepped. He groaned, he used to love when Stan would do this. Play with himself and get himself ready, edging himself off to increase his pleasure later on. Then he would grind on Richie or talk dirty until Richie would throw him on the nearest surface, only to find that his dirty boy was already ready for him.

“Who were you planning to fuck tonight, baby? Couldn’t have been that nerdy ginger.” Stan went to protest, but Richie slipped one finger in easily and Stan moaned into his neck where he was previously sucking a love bite. He slipped one more in and scissored them slightly. He was met with some resistance, Stan’s hole was always incredibly tight, even with prep, but he kept working him open. When Stan was ready, Richie laid him on his back, and pulled his panties off, carefully to not destroy them. Richie knew how much he hated that. He pulled a small bottle of lube from the pocket of his jacket. Stan quirked his eyebrow at him, and Richie shrugged. It never hurt to be prepared. He coated his cock with the lube.

Stan pulled his legs up, thighs resting on his chest, baring his hole for Richie to devour. Richie wasted no time at all pushing in and drawing out a choked moan from the smaller boy. He gave him no time to adjust, knowing that Stan fucking loved the feeling of being stretched out on his fat cock, he pumped in and out at a murderous speed. Impaling Stan repeatedly. Stan bit his fist, trying to keep himself from crying out. He dropped his legs and wrapped them around Richie’s waist pulling him deeper and deeper.

Richie was so close, but he wasn’t finishing before Stan, he wanted to give this boy all of the pleasure. He wrapped his hand around Stan’s dick and began pumping in time with his thrusts. Stan was coming undone, inhuman sounds coming out of him in between ragged breaths. Richie flicked his wrist and Stan was done, his dick pulsed as he came all over his stomach.

“Come on Rich, cum in me baby.” Stan breathed out, egging the taller boy on, breathing through the slightly painful edge of overstimulation.

“Stan.” His eyes flew open, it wasn’t Richie who had said it. He looked towards the door and saw Archie with tears in his eyes, face crumpling.

“Archie, No!” Stan called, trying to push Richie off of him. Archie took off and Stan finally got out from under Richie, he slipped his panties on, Richie’s hot cum leaking out of his ass. He pulled on his pants and shirt as fast as possible and took off after him, leaving Richie alone in the room. He raced down the stairs and outside barely catching Archie before he got in his car. “Archie, wait, I can explain. Please listen, I’m so sorry!”

“So that’s Richie, huh?” Archie asked bitterly. “Your druggie ex who aired all of you dirty laundry. God, to think that I held you while you cried over what that prick had done.”

“Archie…” Stan was crying, standing barefoot with his shirt undone, and abused hole leaving a mess in his pants. What had he done.

“I don’t want to hear it, you filthy little cum slut. I want nothing to do with you. Go back to your boy.” With that he got into his car a drove off, leaving Stan on the front lawn of Ben’s house a sobbing mess.

Bill got to him first of course. He was Stan’s real life superhero, and held him in his arms. Eddie handed him a tissue from his fanny pack so that he could blow his nose, while Bev rubbed his back. He looked up to see Mike and Ben trying to restrain Richie from getting to him.

Richie looked...sorry? That couldn’t be it. Richie never apologized for anything when it came to Stan, even when he was lying about using drugs. Stan couldn’t even look at him. He was disgusted with himself that he had let Richie back in like that, that his kiss had melted him.

“You.” He said, pointing a finger towards Richie. “You stay the fuck away from me. You just want attention, you don’t want my heart. You just hate the thought of me with someone new, you fucking said it yourself. Well congratulations Tozier, the whole world knows how much of a pathetic cum slut I am for you!” Stan had to stop to gag, he could feel his anxiety pushing all of the alcohol up his esophagus as he heaved and vomited all of it up into the grass. “I can’t do this anymore. You made your choice. You loved the drugs more than me.” Stan was crying again, and Bill decided to intervene, the whole situation wasn’t going to end well.

Mike helped Bill load him into the truck and the other losers joined. Stan watched Richie’s figure get smaller and smaller as the truck pulled down the road. He hated himself for giving into Richie and for being unable to get over him.

*

Stan woke up with a massive hangover and his ass was throbbing. He rolled over to see Bill sleeping peacefully, he figured that the losers chose Bill’s house to stash the very drunk boy because Bill’s parents just didn’t care what their son did anymore. As Stan laid there in the quiet of the Sunday morning a thought kept plaguing him, he needed to see Richie Tozier as soon as possible. In his mind, he knew that he should be thinking of how to apologize to Archie, but that wasn’t what he wanted.

Stanley Uris only wanted Richard Tozier.

[martywurst]

My First and Worst Year: Producing A Show

I get caught up in the gossip. Shitting on comedians that I barely know. I'm trying to stop that. Early on, I was one those guys that would say something negative because I was trying to start a dialogue and reinforce any negative feelings I had about someone. Usually based in nothing; maybe one lousy first impression or through the grapevine on Facebook. Unfortunately, talking shit is a major way to bond with other inexperienced comics. A lot of miserable, sarcastic, unmotivated, boring comics. Or 10+ year comics that bitch about how unfair everything is. They can't talk to you for 30 seconds without shitting on something.

Now I know that's not me. I never feel good about it and it never helps.

The comics I look up to are modest, rarely say anything bad about anyone because they're just focused. They don't feed the fire. I'd rant about something and they wouldn't have anything to add to it. Maybe something along the lines of,

"Yeah, that can happen," kind of response.

I'd see the look on their face. I'm the problem.

I was the same way in Junior High. Picking on the popular kids and being obnoxious because I was so desperate to be a part of their circle. Afraid to be myself. Afraid to put in that kind of work.

I'll be obsessed with some idiot for hours on a Facebook thread, so tempted to participate in the attack, but where is it going to get me? Fuck, I could've written something. I should be writing jokes now, but I think I know something about blogging and comedy! I feel like I'm just regurgitating boring opinions that have been voiced on hundreds of podcasts already, I'll try to pepper this section up! Check out this sweet ass pimp kitty vest!

 I always want to prove myself to other comics. An audience of strangers is always amazing, but I do feel the pressure of an all-comic mic. It's way too important to me. I don't want to be written off, I know I can be funny. Maybe not the last 20 times you saw me, but I'll get there, don't write me off!

When I had a decent set in front of someone I respected, I felt like I could check that off. Okay, that person doesn't think I'm a piece of shit anymore. I proved myself. Getting closer to being an actual comic! Every good set is a stepping stone. My bad sets would just temporarily render me useless. Instead of doing my homework and adjusting, I would just write something new or beat a bad joke into the ground. Maybe it'll work the 27th time.

"The people that go to Burning Man only need these two words to communicate: Burning...man!"

*crickets slashing wrists*

I bombed in front of Sean Conroy and took it kind of hard. Intimidating dude, (like the Ron Perlman of improvisation) he was sitting in the front row at Echoes Under Sunset with his arms crossed, waiting for his set and just watching me hang myself. He'd probably seen a thousand variations of the heckler character I was doing. I picked on him in character, but he wouldn't roll with it. Why would he? It was more fun to watch me squirm.

Every time I asked him a question he would answer,

"Sure."

Which is sort of the "fuck you" version of "yes and,"  It's an improv thing.

I was berating the audience for being a bunch of hipsters. Yelling out,

"Well I got something for ALL OF YOU!"

Then I started handing out free coffee coupons from a local coffee shop. Sean politely declined.

I had my bombing routine where I would call up Claire afterwards and tell her I just ate shit. Or who I ate shit in front of. She would convince me that it was okay, everybody bombs, and remind me that I'd had good sets before. She would tell me that she loved me and make me feel better about what had happened. Oh, there is life after tomorrow, I forgot! Thanks, baby!

Claire understands the grind. She's a fan of a lot of the people I look up to and we listen to a lot of the same podcasts now. She got into Jen Kirkman and The Longshot Podcast early on and now she subscribes to more comedians than I do. We went to Power Violence and a number of shows at The Improv. Pete Holmes, Todd Glass, Ron Lynch, Eddie Pepitone, Maron, Sebastian, Ian Edwards, and Tig- we love Tig. She pushed me to go on the road. She encouraged me to stop using the train and take her car instead. She makes this all possible. It's unbelievable. She even made cookies when I produced my own show.

I'd done a couple of shows at The Lexington with Tony Bartolone where I did some character stuff. I played a wrestler, a heckler that takes on Mr. Goodnight and a squarish Steve Allen type talk show host. Anyway, the owner liked me enough and said if I ever wanted to use the space, hit him up.

Tony was nice enough to help me too, he ran sound for me. Uggh, I didn't even give him a fucking spot and he ran sound for me- that's how great a guy he is and how SELFISH I can be.

 I think the best thing in comedy after doing standup is booking your own show. Reaching for the stars, pulling in friends, what a great position to be in! Compiling a fantasy list of mostly male comics and shooting them a message on Facebook.

So if you're a new comic wondering, how the hell do I get booked on a show?

Well, a moron like me could accidentally see you at an open mic and then end up liking you! And I'm the guy who did a shitty set before you, remember? You never know who could be running shows.

Most people got back to me pretty quick. Comedians love a full calendar. 

I adored The Walsh Brothers. So original and twisted. They blew my mind at TigerLily and I finally met the guys through a mutual friend.

Brian Scolaro was someone I had talked to outside of The Comedy Store. He's one of the first comics to give me any kind of advice,

"Don't move To Long Beach."

I was a fanboy of Dean Delray. I heard Matty Goldberg on Danny Lobell's podcast and dug his book about his friendship with Angelo Bowers. Ron Babcock was one of the friendly guys on the scene, loved his standup. I'd worked on a webseries with Paul Danke. Just met a lot of the other comics at open mics. I worked with Jeanne Whitney at Arclight Hollywood and we started standup around the same time. I watched Timika Hall do her first set at Echoes Under Sunset and she was great! Ester Steinberg cracked me up at The Palace and then I wanted to book her after I saw this sketch. She just happened to be hanging out with Neel Nanda when I was booking him, so I got both of them right then and there.

Robert Vertrees was brand new like me, but I just dug his story.

I knew I'd never have to worry about Ken Garr.

Just read his awesome blog entry "One Year Later and Why I Should Quit"

I should've taken note and made my blog shorter! That dude is a complete professional and will never hesitate to give you his tour dates at the MGM in Las Vegas.

Jak Knight was edgy and exciting. Jon Durnell was the best thing about a bringer show I did at the Formosa. I didn't even know Lisa Landry, but Brian asked if she could be on. Same thing with Kevin James Moore, a buddy of Matty's.

  Maagic Collins is one of the kindest souls I've ever met. I love his standup. He would show up to my afternoon Tribal mic on Saturdays. Very supportive guy.

I think I saw Rick Wood at Power Violence and he just blew me away.

Anyway, you get the fucking point, this was just an excuse to drop everyone's links. Jesus Christ.

One time I made the amateur mistake of messaging too many people at once and then having to tell one comic I'd put them on the next show. I got a lot of grief for that and I was pulling my hair out. I was getting a guilt trip from the disappointed comic and now I didn't want to book him at all. It was totally my fault, but I was just getting through the learning curve. Book carefully, and wait for your damn responses.

Another recurring thing that kept coming up is a comic wanting to bring a friend for a guest spot. It's a good rule of thumb to keep a spot open for a possible drop-in. Or just book less comics Marty. Aren't you glad you paid $200 for this helpful comedy workshop tip?

I was also planning on doing all these wacky sketches and transitions that had nothing to do with the stand-up comedy. I wanted to make it an event. I asked Chris Walsh if we could have an extended dialogue where the Walsh Brothers get in an argument with me and then pretend to shoot me from the audience...so now I'm suddenly on the level of The Walsh Brothers! Proposing bits. Chris was really nice about it and declined in the best way possible. He made me realize that I should only work on the hosting- not all this extra dressing. I'd be stressed out enough. Plus, The Walsh Brothers have their own thing going on and it's hilarious.

Claire helped me with some basic PR stuff; shooting out emails to various websites with LA calendars of events. Lot of people check online for free entertainment. I hit up LA Weekly early enough to get this delightful blip:

Did I pay anyone? I paid Dean Delray. I paid Brian Scolaro. It seems a little unfair now, I had The Walsh Brothers, Ron Babcock, Paul Danke, and Matty Goldberg, who all have a shitload of experience.

I got this dumb idea that I should write thank you notes to everyone else. Looking back, I gave comedians false hope of money in those envelopes, only to find a badly scrawled "thank you" with some shitty stick figure doodles. At least there were cookies at the gig.

Brian mentioned the 50 bucks onstage and I was really embarrassed. It exposed the inner-workings of my inexperience and that I was holding out on everyone else. I think I would do it differently now, but it was a free show.

Tony watched me have a mini-meltdown. I was stressing out because there was a band that was booked on a show immediately after and it was clear that I was going to run over their time. I thought if I gave up my own set and kept bringing the next comic up, we'd finish on time without cutting anyone's sets down.

Tony explained to me that I shouldn't of worried about that, that it was worse to bring the comics up cold. It's better to keep the audience warmed up, but I was hopping back on stage saying,

"Give it up for Ron Babcock, and now let's keep it moving- Matty Goldberg!"

I didn't get it. I thought running over my time would fuck things up and I'd never get to do a show again. I shouldn't of booked so many comics anyway- Paul Danke was going on dead last, and he'd been waiting around so long, I felt horrible. I should buy his album.

So don't sacrifice your time for the sake of the next show- be a good host, Wurst.

But that first show had a great turnout, especially for The Lexington. The comics were kind of impressed. That extra leg work paid off.

I remember I wanted to bring Dean Delray up to a Led Zeppelin song and I kept bothering Tony about it when the order changed. Then when the music came up, Dean was clearly stoked and that little moment meant a lot to me.

On his way out he yelled,

"Congratulations on your 1st year of stand up!"

Speaking of which, I asked Melina Paez if I could be in her "DropTheSoapTV" series, where comics do stand-up in her shower. It was a fun way to cap off my first year.

Okay, that was rather manic. Just a couple steps away from Denis Leary- uggh. Anyway, I STOPPED doing that. Here's a message to myself as I time-travel back to the shower,

Horrible jokes, asshole! Your taint is hilarious by the way.

I just want to thank the people that encouraged me or gave me useful information when I started bumbling my way through open mics that first year (July 2013-2014)

Brett Gilbert, Ric Rosario, Matty Goldberg, Tony Bartolone, Jason Van Glass, Ron Babcock, Dean Delray, Chris Walsh, Matt Walsh, Danny Lobell, Mollie Gross, Melina Paez, Brian Scolaro, Jamie Flam, Jeremiah Watkins, Mike Celestino, Justin Alexio, Neel Nanda, Mikey de Lara, Paul Danke, Ari Mannis, Lydia Robinson, Ryan Doolittle, Maagic Collins, Don Barris, Elissa Rosenthal, Rob Antus, K-von, Jarrett and Emily Galante, Christiane Georgi, Hiro Matsunaga, Greg James, Carly Craig, Matthew Hilton, Sally Mullins, Matt Sauter, Matt Gamarra, Donald McKinney, Ryan Kain, Jeremy Fultz, Del Weston, Derick Armijo, Alisha Morine, Nicole Malina, Devon Schwartz, Andy Salamone, Barbara Gray, Sean Conroy, Myles Weber, Ricky Winston, Frankie Ma, Rishi Arya, Brandon Birckz, Sean K., Mike Menendez, Jamar Neighbors, Mr. Goodnight, Erica Rhodes, Matt Champagne, David Gerhardt, The Martin Duprass, John Silver, Ryan Pfeiffer, Kevin Anderson, Whitney Melton, Kym Kral, Jared Levin, Kenneth Lion, Alex Croll, Adam Carr, Trevor James, Deon Williams, Amber Brashear, Pat Regan, Brad Silnutzer, Rob Weissman, Marty, Graham Curan, Eddie Pepitone, Quincy Johnson, Blythe Metz, Willie Dynamite, Freddy Morales, Marcela Perdomo, Nick Kaufman, Atelston Fitgerald Holder The 1st, Bruce Boiman, Tom Allen, Melissa Villasenor, Maria Bamford, Todd Glass, Lou Perez, Allison Anders, Jeremy Bassett, Tony Alfieri, Laura Niles, Tamoy Sherman, Chaliss Robinson, Eddie Whitehead Jr, Brent Weinbach, Jill Maragos, Jodi Miller, Luz Pazos, Brianna Murphy, Sasha Kapustina, Alain Villenueve, Brad James, Lauren Kiang, Yoav, Ken Garr, David Gregorian, Jordan Leer, Stefano Della Pietra, Down Under Comedy Club, Mike Garrison, Brad and Sara Harris, Thomas Hussey, Harold, Chino, Tiffany Gomes, Simon Gibson, Joe Wagner, Scott Luhrs, Jay Weingarten, Joe Kardon, Pedro Salinas, Willie Dynamite, Robert Vertrees, Amber Kenny, Karah Britton, Alison Tafel, David Hill, Andy Kosec, Micah Lile, Chris Putro, Kris Rubio, Jade Thom, Brodie Reed, Ryan Talmo, Kevin Lee, Kellie Ann, Jeanne Whitney, Jake Kroeger, Nikki Riordan, Tim Mars, Christian Chavez, Jake Adams, Louise Hung, Michael Donato, my Geffen peeps, all my Arclight friends, Stella friends, childhood friends and family that came out to support.

Or if you're just generally nice to me thanks. You gave me the strength to go out and bomb one more time.

Shout out to Mike Celestino's great documentary "That's Not Funny".

and finally To Claire:

For every time I called you up to moan out my discontent, only to be dissuaded from my stubborn misery because of your constant light, love, and gentle reasoning.

For those open mics you'll never be able to unsee.

I love you more than open mic comedians love pussy jokes.

And as you know, that's a hell of a lot.