#jesus fuck i forgot how weird tagging feels

[guileless-beast]

Reuniting with them… after they’ve twisted

(Ft. Astro, Glisten, Razzle + Dazzle, Shrimpo)

Tags: longpost, headcanons, ambiguous relationship, previous relationship, kinda implied you’re immune to Ichor or smth bc theres no mention of you getting infected, lots of hurt/comfort

notes: first post! don't be afraid to send an ask if u like things like this :)

Astro

•He doesn’t recognize you at first. Not for a while, actually

•Mindlessly chases you around like all the other twisteds, though something in him stirs when he first spots you

•Get somewhere safe and up high where he can’t reach with his arms. His telekinesis has been destroyed by the Ichor; the most he can do with it now is tug on your shirt, and he isn’t exactly focused enough to do so anyway, so you'll be safe so long as he can't grab you

•Talk. About anything, preferably things you used to do with him. Your voice is familiar. Comforting. It soothes the ache in his heart that the Ichor once weaponized

•Resist your own exhaustion long enough, and Astro himself will fall asleep listening to you

•Let him rest. In a few hours he’ll wake up and you can keep trying to help him remember who he is, or you can leave while he sleeps if you think it’s getting too dangerous

Glisten

•Yells your name and RUNS at you full speed. It’s more than a little terrifying.

•He doesn’t mean any harm- he really doesn’t!- he’s just been alone for so long… he’s sobbing as he chases you, he can’t lose you again, he just can’t, please-

•Tackles you down and hugs the life out of you. Literally. If you don’t tell him to let up in time you might lose a heart

•He apologizes, but doesn’t let go. Keeps babbling about how he missed you- he’s hardly even coherent, but you get the gist

•Get to a secluded little spot and let him cry in your arms. Rub the top half of his back and cuddle him close; he desperately needs comfort after what he’s been through

•He appreciates every bit of affection you give him, even if it just makes him cry harder

•So long as you let him stay with/follow you, he'll do anything you ask. Need help extracting? He's even better at extracting than before, somehow. Running from a twisted? You're already in his arms. He'll even scrounge around with you for supplies!

•Be careful if he somehow finds makeup, though. He'll doll you up as SOON as the two of you are safe.

•(And if you do his own, he'll be giddy for the rest of the day.)

Razzle + Dazzle

•Sit just outside the circle with the both of them. Don’t talk, don’t make noise. Razzle bears the brunt of their infection; he won’t recognize you if you wake him. Not immediately, at least.

•Eventually Dazzle is going to wake up from his doze and scan around them for any threats, and spot you

•Dazzle will recognize you after a moment, and his expression will turn positively miserable. You’re not safe around him and Razzle, you need to leave…

•Silently keep them company for long enough and Dazzle WILL shed a few tears. It’s just been him and Razzle for who knows how long, and while he is very worried for your safety it’s nice to have someone else here (that isn’t crazed with Ichor)

•Razzle’ll finally wake up in the middle of his twin crying and see you. As he always does when he spots someone, he takes control of their body and stands, preparing to attack, but-

•…he can’t do anything so long as you’re not in the circle, though. He’ll growl and pull at the weight they’re tied to (as Dazzle squeaks and tries to take back control to no avail) but settles after a while

•Much like Astro, some part of Razzle tries to remember, but can’t- though, your face helps more than your voice in Razzle’s case. He won’t go back to sleep, no matter how much Dazzle pleads

•He sits and stares at you unendingly. It’s possible to talk to Razzle like this- though, he’ll pay more attention to your expression and gestures than your words

•Stay with them for a while, please. You’re the only way Razzle can be calm while awake, and while Dazzle knows it’d be safer for you if you left, your presence eases his mind too

Shrimpo

•It’s Shrimpo. Be ready for a scuffle of some kind.

•He recognizes you almost immediately. Does a full stop AND double take. He'll just stand there for a few moments until you move, and then he'll start chasing you like normal- or…

•...almost like normal. He's faster, more desperate, more angry, and keeps making these gurgling sounds as you try to lose him (to no avail; all his attention is on you, all he is going after is you)

•Be prepared to block his punches. He’s stronger now- they will hurt if they land. If you can, bring some kind of armor or protection for yourself like a shield along with all the patience you have. Otherwise, your arms are going to be real sore from blocking his attacks.

•He’ll punch, and punch, and punch some more. He’s so pissed it almost hurts. How dare you leave him for so long? How dare you think you could just waltz right up to him and be friends normal again?

•(How dare you abandon him here? How dare you not be there for him when he needed you most? How dare you not be there when the Ichor took over and he nearly suffocated? Where were you? Why did you leave him? What did he do?)

•Don’t hit back; your goal is to outlast him, not to overpower him. Let him take out his blind rage on your shield/guards, or you’ll never make progress with him.

•Don’t worry, it won’t take too long for him to falter. He’s still Shrimpo, after all. Wait until his punches weaken and his fists shake. Wait until he starts taking a full second between hits. Wait until he connects one more blow with your defense, and then shove him downward.

•Given he just exhausted himself, he’ll definitely be knocked flat on the ground. It’ll take him a good moment to get up- use this time to kneel down, slide your arms beneath him, and press him into your chest.

•He’ll try to move away- keyword: try, because no matter how hard he wants to, he cannot move his arms. All he can do is twitch and make those gurgling noises again as you gather the rest of him into your lap.

•Just… be patient, and hold him. He’s quite literally never experienced anything like this before. Eventually Shrimpo will stop leaning away. He won’t lean in, per se, but he’ll stop fighting it and go limp.

•Tell him how long you’ve been looking for him, how much you missed him, how glad you are to see him again; and maybe, just maybe, he’ll find the strength to shakily bring his arms around you.

•He rationalizes it as an attempt to scratch you, but he’s still too fatigued to do any damage.

•(Not only that, but he tells himself the heat in his eyes is just Ichor, too.)

[the-bloody-sadist]

What’s the thing that fascinates you the most about wump and how did you learn about it in the first place if I may ask?

THE PAIN. HAHAHHAH.

No but seriously, whump is just a yippee look at this guy getting beat up by the author situation, not anything very deep. I mean for me, personally, I know why I enjoy certain things, but as I've mentioned too much, whump as a category doesn't exactly...exist? To me? If that makes any sense. From an author's perspective, it's just someone making sure there's conflict in a story, and that some character is put in danger so that the story will remain interesting and the stakes will be raised. If you spend a little longer on the beating them up part, that's just fun and games for the tension. I DON'T KNOW, IT'S STILL HARD FOR ME TO BE LIKE OH YEAH WHUMP INSTEAD OF OH YEAH, A NICE STORY DECISION THAT MAKES MY FINGERS TINGLE!

So to be honest, there wasn't "learning" about whump, it's always existed as my favorite part of whatever media I was consuming. Literally since I was a kid, as I've seen lots of others mention on here. But I was born a sadist, so that's not a surprise. Where the sadist ends and the psychology nerd with a special interest in trauma begins, I have no idea, but there are so many reasons I like seeing and writing and drawing characters getting whumped. There's no particular fascination, I don't think? More of a coping need. I've always used it as an emotional/stress release, especially in childhood when there was nowhere else for that to go without endangering myself.

Honestly, if anything were fascinating about it, it would be the fact that it NEVER gets old. I see new whump and suddenly I'm a hormonal teen again with an obsession over the smallest details of a scene where a man gets choked against a wall, listening to the tiniest changes in his breath, evaluating his line delivery through clenched teeth, appreciating the ominous soundtrack in the background, the little lines on his face as he makes the perfect pained expression....BAHAHHA NEEEERRRRDDDDD I'M SUCH A NERD.

It's better than porn, and I always call whump my porn addiction, because as a kid I never wanted to look up dicks in secret or search for people fucking. I just opened YouTube in a private browser and searched for Gale getting whipped in The Hunger Games and went on a spree of hunting for other videos like it. Or I'd rewatch scenes from the animated movies we had on DVD when my family was out of the house. But I'm also asexual, so who knows how much I was affected by the fact that I didn't want to know about sex except the parts where it could possibly hurt me (yeah, religious upbringing where the only thing I was allowed to read with sex in it was the Bible, where it's all violent rape).

Sorry for turning every single ask I get into a life story, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. Thank you for asking, though! You may always ask! I just feel a little bad that whump is a weird topic for me and I mostly use that word to promote and tag my work so I get the right audience, not particularly because I interact with it the way I see other people do. Whump is great as a description, in my opinion, so people know what you're talking about, but as a category of story/media, I find it less helpful. I can't be interested in whump as a standalone. I have to have substance behind it, a story and a character I care about and proper writing of the tension to enjoy it.

OH GAHOOK I TOTALLY FORGOT, I discovered the actual NAME for this stuff once I joined Tumblr, unsurprisingly. I was really startled at the community existing, when I thought it was WAY too niche of an interest/obsession to find other people who talked about it the way the community did. My favorite part about the community existing is the absence of shame (a big part of my childhood and experience with whump) and the sharing of clips from movies and shows that I hadn't seen before. Plus, I've found at least three long original stories that I never would've found if I hadn't been here, and those were amazing. I'm still talking oh my god. Sorry.

Last thing, the box boy universe being a thing unique to this community is really nice. It's the asexual counterpart to the master/slave/pet BDSM theme with trauma driving it. Couldn't ask for a better way to indulge in my favorite dynamic, especially when there ARE sexual elements, and it's MORE TRAUMA.

OKAY I'M DONE. PFFFF, I TOOK LIKE FIVE BUSINESS DAYS OF BEATING AROUND THE BUSH JUST TO ANSWER YOUR SIMPLE QUESTION.

[royallygray]

incoherent as shit rant below, proceed with caution:

in the past 30 minutes I've become really fucking unhinged and like I'm releasing the darkness inside slightly more because I'm making statistically more jokes about techno dying which was and is a very traumatic thing for me and its definitely something when you literally do not properly express to other people that you are grieving so hard that your soul desperately hurts because you have one (1) person who is nearly as obsessed with dsmp as you were and you weren't close to them and it'd be weird to absolutely sob together because oh my god like

y'all this was supposed to be a post explaining why I should eat because I'm having more unhinged thoughts but genuinely we should also at some point address how Techno's death absolutely destroyed people

like

There are so many layers to it. Firstly, it's a content creator that you don't know in real life, so there's the weird parasocial thing going on there that isn't *that* socially acceptable but whatever.

Secondly, it was 2022 and we were like. *just* getting out of Covid restrictions

Thirdly, it was during the summer, where I had little to no contact with friends because I just fucking forgot they existed

and like I had friends that USED to be into dsmp but like. no one that had fallen so fucking hard. I feel so fucking hard. and the only one that had fallen half as hard as me I wasn't close with.

Also recently they've told me that they go by they/them which is the least surprising thing ever

honest to God it was surprising when they told me that their pronouns were she/her

Anyways.

holy shit okay I can't think anymore genuinely

this is

I don't expect anyone to see this other than Mysterious and Peri and honestly yeah

Um

like I have more to say about the god awful effects of Techno's death on me especially as someone who was a minor when it happened like ong it's so bad

just holy shit

but my brain gets more ADHD the more I like try to focus

it's like those movies or something where you try to focus on something but it turns into a bunch of puzzle pieces and then those puzzle pieces aren't actually a part of the puzzle but instead an association that are actually a whole NEW puzzle and you can attaxj that puzzle

I should delete this post

it's okay

is it

is it really

I'm fucking crazy holy hell I need food

okay. so

mission: get off bed

I had the thought this morning of doing a grwm but like on Tumblr through text right

and it was just "pants. where the fuck are pants. where the fucking hell are pants. ooh new pants. there's a tag. where the fuck is scissors. where are scissors. where are scissors" bro I spent about five minutes that I did Not have looking for those scissors

and then I was like "where bra. where the fuck is my bra- no not that one I want the other one because it's BETTER"

id be such a good grwm artist person

like

what do you mean you wouldn't watch that

I should be a comedian

Jesus christ

I actually sound high

not like I've ever--

actually I have

I have been around someone who was high

Jesus christ

also I'm gay as shit

I'm a chicken

bawk bawk

anyways I had to fucking tell this person that "no, edibles are not just gummies, they're literally cannabis. they're literally hard drugs"

in her defense she was getting over a bad breakup but eh like Jesus how did you

girly do your research

like I didn't know that edibles were made of cannabis but I knew they were literal drugs

anyways good on her for stopping when I told her

she was literally terrifying I was terrified for her she was not ducking okay like oh my god

anyways I gotta like. stop. doing whatever this is

so I'm gonna end this post

hi to anyone who made it to the end of this

say chicken waffles in the commentsif you made it this far

[crows-junk-pile]

HIIIII I'VE SCROLLED A BIT THROUGH UR OC TAG AND SAW U SAY U HAVE A BUNCH OF TMA ONES could I hear more about them? or do u have specific posts about them already?

OKOKOKOK SO I HAVE TAGS FOR MY OCS NAMES BUT I HAVEN'T REALY POSTED A BUNCH ABOUT THEIR STORIES/LORE AND A BUNCH OF THEM ARE KINDA SEPRET FROM TMA NOW BUT HERES THEIR NAMES BASIC DEAL AND ENETIE STUFF! I have a lot of characters thats why theres a cut lol. The tags for their names are just oc-[their name] ie oc-nike or oc-atticus. same goes for all my ocs.

Atticus Webb

16-17

He/Him The Buried

Angsty, anxious gothic boy. Hes so Poe bsd core lol. Best friends w/ Kip and Raz, hes the most responsible. He's are usually covered in dirt and mud. Works in a graveyard and build coffins & stuff.

Chrissy I fogot her last name lol.

28

She/Her

The Spiral

Old techintion at the arcade Kip works at. Her story is just Cabnt Man by Lemon Demon. "Haunts"(Terrorizes) Kip & Co. Weird spiral ghost who just fucks around.

Julia "Jules" North

14-16

She/Her

The Lonely

Adopted child of the Norths(they suck btw), an infuncal tech family, was sent to boring school and has been there from 2 years. Said bording school is trying to fuck up the kids their and make them avatars and shit. She gets completely isolated at school and eventually runs away and joins the agency that Nike works at. She hates being alone and usually just sits and listens to music where ever there are people around as she's also not the best at talking to people as she had nobody to talk to for 2 years.

Kip Ellenor

18-19

They/Them

The Eye

Their pretty chill and like coding, video games and general tech stuff, big computer nerd. Best friends w/ Atticus and Raz. Works at an arcade as a technician and starts getting terrorized/haunted by Chrissy. They've got a cool camera

Nike Oxley(She has a lot of stuff that i will not get into here bc she is from a campaign i was in for 8 months)

19-21

She/Her

The Vast

Works as a part time detective at a supernatural agency. Had a near death experience when she was 12 has been fearing and “on the run from death”(to quote her) sense then. She is mildly suicidal but also wants to keep hanging out with her friends idk how to make that make sense. Her friends are probably the reason why Nike is still alive. She is really good at putting on a happy face and getting people to think she's fine and does this a lot.

Roslyn "Raz" Graves

Looks and acts like a 16-15 year old

She/It

The Stranger

***Her current lore is that she's a just a living doll and her old lore is that she was a normal human but durning the story she is kidnapped, skinned, killed, had her skin and soul put on/in a life sized living doll by the circus of the other, escapes and is fucked up. Her old lore is very dark I have now realised. Jesus Christ

She's the funnyjokes person of her friend group and has a bit of "humans are so weird" disease. Best friends w/ Atticus(younger childhood friends) and Kip.

Saffron Jenkins

18-19

She/Her

The Corruption

She has moths hiding in her body ready to bust out and take over her. She does not know about the moths as everybody just thinks it's a health problem that causes her weird pain. She tries not to worry about it and works at a flower shop. I'd imagine she also likes surfing

Tamar I forgot his last name also lol

18-19

He/Him

The Lonely

His mom had a histroy w/ Peter Lukas thats spread down to him. Kip's coworker. Him and Saffron are apartment-mates.

Thats all folks! Most of their updated stories aren't connected to TMA lore and theres a lot more to most of them than what I put here but thats the briefest way I can describe all of them lol feel free to message me if you want me to go on another rant. I also have a bunch on non-tma ocs that are in the same universe that these guys are in now.

[r-osehips]

snooped your tags, so: 12 and 16 for the year end book asks? please and thank you!

YESSSS thank you oh my god

12: Any books that disappointed you?

16: What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

THE FUCKING OVERSTORY. Jesus CHRIST. ok, the descriptions of trees and how they communicate with one another and with the wider ecosystem, those descriptions were beautiful, though sometimes they edged into purple prose. but as soon as this man (author Richard Powers) starts trying to write human beings, it all goes to hell. no one is convincing. every attempt at romance is hamfisted and always heterosexual (except for the two bi women who sordidly had sexual histories with women that they never dared speak of and which the men around them found arousing). the way he describes the character who uses a wheelchair it is some of the most jaw-droppingly ableist language I have read in a modern novel, and also sooo so repetitive and hitting you over the head with the same adjectives every time. and then there's this female character who he has a huge boner for, which, great, i can support that in general, but unforch for him this resulted in weird objectifying language and ridiculous situations, such as, for example, the scene where this girl (who briefly was dead and soaking wet and naked, he described that vividly) -- this girl has been living in a redwood sequoia for months. no shower, no soap, no haircuts, no nothing. she's filthy. and she's, canonically, 200 feet in the air. and this logger who wants to kill the tree, he's shouting up at her and the guy she's with (and they are, i cannot emphasize this enough, 200 feet up). she leans over the railing of the treehouse to yell back at him. he says "WOAH you're GORGEOUS what are you doing up there when you could have any man you wanted!" and she's like "aw ha ha you should see me up close" and it's like. HE CAN'T SEE HER. HE LITERALLY CAN'T SEE HER. YOUR OBSESSION WITH HAVING YOUR MALE PROXIES HIT ON HER AND OBJECTIFY HER HAS LED TO THE DESTRUCTION OF YOUR LAST SHREDS OF PLAUSIBILITY. SOOOO FUCKING STUPID in a good book this would have been ENDEARING but no -- no, not here! because this, despite its countless awards and accolades, IS NOT A GOOD FUCKING BOOK. and yet it is so long. and it drags so much. and for what.

(from this prompt list if anyone wants to ask more)

EDITING TO ADD: WAIT. I forgot the thing I ACTUALLY hated the most about it!!!!!!!!!!!!! which is that. ok. so there's a refrain that happens throughout the book where a mysterious voice inside a character's head intones something like the most miraculous beings in 4 billion years of existence need our help. and the characters understand this to mean that the trees need the help of humans, because, like. deforestation. climate change. rampant destruction of forest ecosystems. etc. and that would be very fitting because the whole premise of the book is about the wonder of trees.

BUT NO. it turns out that the voice was THE TREES TALKING ABOUT HUMANS. as in: the trees are saying that WE need THEIR help and they feel soooooooo bad for us and they're simply begging for us to LET THEM SAVE US because it's ALL ABOUT US and the trees only matter because they're important TO US.

and I just think that if you are good at writing trees and shit at writing humans, and you're trying to write a sweeping novel about the glory and genius of nature, and you purport to be critiquing the destructive self-centeredness of much of modern humanity, then maybe you shouldn't undercut your entire fucking narrative by putting humans at the center of the universe. GOD. it's so stupid.

[aprillikesthings]

moar rewatch

s1! ep2 and 3!

Bow's voice actor's work here is so good lolol

Nice work establishing that only Adora can do the transformation thing with the magic sword

Man someone on youtube has to have done one of those therapist deep-dives on their relationship. So much of their interactions are just painfully accurate for the way a kid reacts to an abusive parent--that combination of fear and resentment and still wishing you could make them happy, just once.

My family didn't have a golden child vs. scapegoat thing going on, though. I wonder if this is based on the writers' own experiences or if one of them read about that dynamic or had a therapist consulted or what

oof too real 😬

anyway Free Palestine

even cartoons know that murdering civilians and/or destroying their homes makes you the bad guy

There's some parallels here with kids who grew up in conservative/evangelical families realizing their family's politics and faith weren't based around Jesus at all but were based around bigotry and small-minded cruelty and knowing they have to leave, and knowing ND Stevenson's background I assume it's intentional

"You've known these people for, what, a couple of hours? and you're going to throw everything away for them?"

:( and to Catra, this just feels like a betrayal. There's a meta post somewhere way back in my tags that was like, from Catra's POV, Adora knew how shitty Shadow Weaver treated Catra and that wasn't enough to rebel and leave, but knowing Glimmer and Bow for a handful of hours was, and how much that had to hurt like hell, considering Catra put up with Shadow Weaver's abuse for so long in part to protect Adora and in part because it meant her and Adora were still together

Ugh this is why I love this show, Catra's actions are sometimes just awful but they make sense given what we know about her life, and right now she's just panicking and trying to hide it

And meanwhile Bow and Glimmer are like "actually we've decided we trust you :) can you be fancy sword lady again thanks!"

Like of course Adora is going to pick Bow and Glimmer and not Catra in that moment!!

"Is that....Adora?" "It's She-ra!"

Yeah that's not gonna be the source of weird "who the fuck even AM I" feelings later ha ha ha amiright

Also along with all the other weirdness of suddenly being bigger/different outfit etc, like, She-Ra is not only WAY stronger, but also knows how to fight in that body and with that sword. Like having muscle memory you didn't know you had. That's gotta be WEIRD. (I mean, there's also memories that clearly aren't hers, too)

Poor bb is scared, mad, and kinda turned on (shhhh I can headcanon whatever I want)

I called Yellow Diamond a clod, right to her face!!

("You made that joke the first time you saw this ep April" It's just a good joke okay!!)

OKAY EPISODE OVER

EP 3

Glimmer: everyone hates Horde soldiers but I think people will love you as She-Ra YOU JUST HAVE TO BE SHE-RA HA HA IT'LL BE FINE

Adora, internally: I'm only valuable/acceptable/lovable as long as I can be She-Ra, a person who isn't entirely me and that I don't know how to control and feel extremely weird about, got it

LOL I FORGOT HOW THEY GOT SWIFT WIND

whether the sword's edges are sharp or not is entirely dependent on whether someone needs it to be or not pffft

ouch

lol this would be such a wild cosplay to do

(a quick image google says the original is far more popular for cosplay; only a couple of people have done this version)

"Adora's gone, she's defected. And I'm starting to think she had the right idea!"

...okay how tempted do we think Catra actually was to just fucking leave.

Once again: intentional parallels to high-control religious groups

But the reference to Lord Hordak specifically also has shades of "Just wait until your father finds out what you did!" which is, uh, a little uncomfortably close to home ngl

DEEP SIGH

boy do I hate how familiar this is

I used to get so scared it would make my stomach hurt, and I'd shake the same way Catra does here, which sometimes made him angrier

jesus christ

okay how much of my love of Catra as a character is bc I can empathize with her in moments like this one (I was never as openly rebellious or back-talking as she is though; any disagreement got me screamed at)

I mean on the other hand Hordak is like "bitch, I know you've been doing this whole Golden Child/Scapegoat bullshit, so if your Golden Child fucked off and the Scapegoat is all you've got left then congrats that's on you, dumbass."

Catra thought she was gonna be murdered and instead she got a promotion

OKAY BUT ahahah oh god

IF Hordak had actually punished Catra or even threatened her in any way, I feel like Catra would, in fact, have left. There would be nothing left for her in the Horde, right? So why not leave?

But Hordak didn't promote Catra because he personally believes in her abilities, he did it to piss off Shadow Weaver. Then again maybe he knows that promoting Catra means she'll stay loyal.

Because it works, doesn't it. Oof. Catra wants to prove herself, dammit; and she's been given a shot at doing it, so she's staying.

Aaaugh.

OKAY that's 3 episodes out of 52. I think I'm done for today. No guarantees, though. Also there's no way I can do this for every single episode. >_<

[starstruckodysseys]

was also tagged by @shrimptacodaniels but i didn’t want to make that thread super long so!! thank u both <3

what’s the origin of your blog title?

aso my beloved. yay <3

otp ship name

wenliv my DARLINGS <3 i am also one of the world’s biggest polypalooza fans (wow its almost like i made up the ship name and tag and everything) and like. idk other stuff probably?

favorite color

pink :)

favorite game

hit 2009 video game 999 aka 9 hours 9 persons 9 doors— [ i am forcibly removed from the building ]

song stuck in your head

i’m going to be so real rn it is tgif by katy perry. am i proud of this? no. but it is happening

weirdest habit/trait

girl idk i can’t shut up to save my life

hobbies

hey did you guys know i write. cool. i do that. unless i’m not doing that in which i’m probably either gaming (aka playing splatoon) or mindlessly scrolling which is not a hobby but it is a thing i do. also theater?? i guess?? does it count if that’s my major slash career

if you work, what’s your profession?

literally JUST got hired in our scene shop :D i get to help build + paint sets n stuff

if you could have any job you wish, what would it be?

i’m going to be so real i’ve been doing theater so long i can’t imagine doing anything else at this point

something you’re good at

um. is it a copout if i say writing? i know there’s probably other things i just don’t feel like thinking abt them lmao

something you’re bad at

uh. talking. now that might sound counterintuitive considering the above point but guys. guys. conversation terrifies me. i want to talk to people so bad but i am so scared all the time

something you love

i love my friends they make me feel alive again— (also writing <3)

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff

i can and have talked about nsbu and zero escape for long periods of time. this is a threat. i will yap about anything if you give me the time

something you hate

writing (i know what i said). homework. my dorm neighbors but only a little bc i feel bad being actually mean even though they scream at 3am sometimes

something you collect

mostly pins rn! also magnets + keychains, and i would love to properly collect dice if i had the budget

something you forget

apparently? meetings if i don’t put them in my calendar. i literally forgot one yesterday but also it was 8am and i was so sleepy…

what’s your love language?

supposedly quality time but also being Known

favorite movie/show

wow i sure wonder what tumblr’s never stop blowing up encyclopedia has to say about this one

favorite food

i am a fucking FIEND for soup. i want wonton soup so bad rn actually. agh

favorite animal

penguins!! i love those guys. i made friends with one in fifth grade. i hope they’re doing well

what were you like as a child?

somehow exactly the same as now and also entirely different. did you guys know i used to be the quiet kid. like i never talked. imagine

favorite subject in school

i am once again reminding everyone i am a theatre major

least favorite subject

i have never been a science girlie. just personally. either that or history except ap world bc i loved my teacher he was great

what’s your best character trait?

ah. um. hm. i think i am good at being there for people. idk if im good at advice but i am very good at being someone to lend an ear yknow

what’s your worst character trait?

jesus christ i didn’t know we were getting philosophical. i think i talk A Lot and i don’t really think about it sometimes so i make things Weird. oops!

if you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be?

lactose intolerance

if you could travel in time, who would you want to meet?

i’ve never been good at these questions tbh. like idk i can barely figure out what i want for dinner how do you expect me to answer something like this

open tags partially bc i’m tired and partially bc eli and i have like 80% of the same mutuals LMAO

get to know your mutuals!!!

the post got too long but @capvers-my-love and @shrimptacodaniels ty both for the tag!! <33

what's the origin of your blog title?

the love of my life lucy frostblade <3

otp shipname:

augh thats so hard- atm polypalooza, jazekiel (always) trackerbees

favourite colour:

purple!!

favourite game:

clue or anomia or take five- fr any board game <3

song stuck in your head:

the horse and the infant from the troy saga or brendan you gotta come out from whimsy on wheels

weirdest habit/trait?

so much that i cant think of any rn

hobbies:

drawing, writing, games, general tv watching

if you work, what's your profession?

nothing exciting- box office moniter

if you could have any job you wish, what would it be?

if i can work a job just for funsies without worrying about paying bills, librarian

something you're good at:

making pancakes!!

something you're bad at:

most things

something you love:

drawing + watching stuff/ watching stuff with friends

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff:

librarians or d20

something you hate:

homework. also most college classes.

something you collect:

posters/ general wall decor, lil dragon + dino figurines, dice

something you forget:

so many things. due dates. birthdays. things about myself.

what's your love language?

quality time, physical touch or gift giving!!

favourite movie/show:

the librarians, leverage, d20, pibe, jurassic park

favourite food:

chicken strips!!!

favourite animal:

dragons or leopards!!!

what were you like as a child?

id love to tell you

favourite subject at school?

art or theatre

least favourite subject:

math or science or english (yes i am an english major no i wont elaborate)

what's your best character trait?

loyal or like always down to hang out?? idk

what's your worst character trait?

forgetful

if you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be?

id have money

if you could travel in time, who would you like to meet?

im not fucking with the timeline. also no clue, can i just teleport to like see my friends?? (EDIT OH MY GOD ID GO SEE DINOSAURS I CANT BELIEVE I DIDNT SAY THAT)

no pressure tagging: @starstruckodysseys @blueskiesandstarrynights @ike-mcswains-mortician @disdoorted-crows @wheelsupin-azarathmetrionzinthos @gayforjessmckenna @offbookkeeping @skunksintheportal and anyone else who wants too!!!

[zalrb]

OTH 3X05 Rewatch Review

OTH won.

1. I keep forgetting OTH is on Prime

2. IIIIIIIIIIII DON’T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYNA BE LATELYYYYYYYYYYY

3. One Tree Hill wants Tree Hill to be a basketball town so badly and doesn’t put in any of the effort.

4. I like how stiff these cheerleaders actually are.

5. “You’re breaking her heart you know that?” I’m sorry, he nearly died and she DIDN’T COME HOME.

6. Lucas, SHUT UP. You were the one who cheated on your girlfriend with her best friend and then dated that girlfriend’s neighbour broke up with said neighbour and went next to that girlfriend’s house RIGHT AFTER BREAKING UP WITH HER NEIGHBOUR

7. Right, I forgot they thought he kissed Haley. I mean, still though.

8. The fight between Nathan and Lucas escalates to an unbelievable point, it would not cause a brawl between the team, that’s dumb.

9. Peyton, if you hate being a cheerleader, stop being a fucking cheerleader, jesus christ.

10. OH MY GOD, A WOMAN WITH ARMPIT HAIR? BURN HER AT THE STAKE.

11. Every time I see Rachel, I think about how me and my friend shipped Jensen with Sophia, I don’t even know HOW that came about but we were like Chad is disgusting and Sophia and Jensen should totally date and get married and Chad can choke and die then we found out Jensen was with Danneel and we were like ....................

12. Chris’ album name is “Keller Instinct”? Ugh.

13. I like how Chris is supposed to be a hot shot musician but also has nothing better to do than hang around Haley and Chris, that’s weird dude.

14. It’s funny I rewatch Veep a lot and this character Jonah who is terrible is about to be offered like hundreds of million of dollars for his website and Selina the protagonist is like:

and every time one of the characters is like “Dan’s running for mayor?? It’s like...” I think of this scene.

15. This shit is SO unsanitary.

16. Dan, you’re running your own campaign.

17. I am posting this without comment and tagging @initiumseries​

18. I totally forgot about Gigi.

19. The casting as Ellie as Peyton’s birth mom was a good choice though.

20. Oh God, is Peyton going to see Ellie’s picture of her and be like YoU LiEd To mE!!!! It is this scene right.

21.

22. (it is).

23.

24. At least she isn’t crying this time.

25.

OH MY GOD, PEYTON, GET A FUCKING GRIP 

26. I am so done with these scenes, can we move on.

27. Ha.

28. What is this dialogue? What does it even mean?

29. I like how she puts this on Nathan like she didn’t kiss him and insist on working with him and didn’t ask Nathan to come with her on tour

Once again I am reminded of how I like Naley together but build up Naley not so much.

30. “If you work with Chris and end up having feelings for him again, then I guess I have my answer.” “That’s ridiculous, Nathan, that’s not fair!” I mean, how though? You didn’t even say you didn’t have feelings for him, Haley. THIS IS HIS POINT.

31. I like how when Dan actually is mayor it’s not really a catastrophe, unless I’m misremembering.

32. At least Peyton tackles Rachel when she punches Brooke.

33. Like these fights don’t make sense because it’d be an entire team and an entire squad trying to pull apart TWO people of their OWN team/squad.

34. You were slut shaming Brooke like 2 seconds ago, Rachel

35. At least he looks uncomfortable here, with Brooke he looks bewildered and then into it by the very end.

36. This always bothered me because it DOESN’T. MAKE. SENSE. Is it last year or two years ago?

37.

38. I always found it HILARIOUS that Brooke slaps Rachel and Lucas just watches like damn, Brooke. Doesn’t even go to see if Rachel’s OK.

39. “You know that thing about judging a book by its cover? Well it’s true. Sometimes you gotta read the whole thing” this is the clumsiest shit ever, STOP TALKING.

40. Nathan, why are you lurking by a tree?

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

what happened the first time Wes tried to crack open the Danny is Phantom conspiracy did he like, confront Danny first or was it all behind his back like, maybe hoping ground zero would be lost among the gossip and that Danny wouldn't find out who spilled the beans once everyone knew

I mean it obviously wouldn't work because nobody believed him and the gossip didn't take off very far beyond a few people talking about Wes being kinda weird

I should absolutely write a fic about this.

I am absolutely going to write a fic about this.

I AM RIGHT NOW GOING TO WRITE A FIC ABOUT THIS.

----

"Hey Fenton! Fenton!!" Dash came bounding over and threw a meaty arm around his shoulder.

"Jesus Dash! What?!" Danny buckled under the weight (pretended to anyway) as Dash gave him a surprisingly lighthearted punch on the arm.

"You haven't heard?! Wes has this total batshit insane theory, it's hilarious!"

Dash was in a genuine giggle-fit, Danny didn't think he'd ever seen him this merry, he was also starting to suspect he was going to leave this conversation being the butt of the joke somehow. Wait-

"Wes? Who the heck is Wes?" Danny asked, it wasn't like he knew everyone in school, like Dash seemed to.

"He's on the basketball team, you know, tall guy, red hair, threw a sick move at least month's game! You know, WES!"

"I didn't watch that game."

"Oh," said Dash, flatly, "Oh yeah, almost forgot you're a total nerd. Anyway, like I was saying!"

Dash grabbed Danny by the shoulders and nearly lifted him off the floor.

"Wes thinks," he could barely speak through his giggling, he even snorted a few times, "Wes thinks your secretly PHANTOM."

Dash dropped Danny back down as he doubled over laughing.

"Could you imagine?! You! You're not even DEAD!" Dash honest to god slapped his knee in mirth.

Danny went through an incredibly swift array of emotions in the span of about five seconds.

The first was fear, clear and bracing, then came confusion, how did he know? Had he seen something? Then there was hope, Dash didn't believe it, and if DASH didn't believe it, maybe nobody else believed it either. Then relief, he could roll with this, he could TOTALLY roll with this! Dash was right! It was absurd, it was ridiculous, it was hilarious, him being Phantom? What utter nonsense!

Sam and Tucker had been standing by his side at a Dash-safe distance, looking absolutely horrified. Sam looked ready to jump in and lay down a swift defence, but Danny gave a quick little low wave for her to stand down. He got this.

"Oh my god SERIOUSLY?" Danny busted out a slightly hysterical laugh, okay so he wasn't completely over the initial terrified anxiety.

"How could I- I mean what- WHY does he think I'M Phantom?! I mean how does that even work I don't-"

Dash clapped him on the shoulder, this was probably the most contact he'd ever had with him without being physically assaulted.

"I know right?! Like apparently he thinks you look alike? And he's all like 'But I've seen his eyes glow green' and 'they're never in the same roo-hoo-hoom." Dash wheezed and started hacking and coughing.

Danny carefully constructed a look of offence.

"Hey I mean, it's not THAT funny. Why couldn't I be Phantom! I know how to use a Fenton Thermos! Look I even HAVE one right-" he torn open his backpack and pulled one out, making sure to fumble it in a terrific display of fuck-uppery and drop it noisily on the cafeteria floor, he dropped to his knees trying to grab it but knocked it under a table.

A few girls standing nearby who'd been listening in started tittering, one of the guys sitting at the table snorted milk through his nose and Dash was just about on the floor in hysterics.

Even Sam and Tucker covered their mouths in an attempt to look like they were holding in laughter. Tucker muttered to Sam, just loud enough for people around to hear.

"I mean, he's our friend and we love him, but god that was painful to watch. He knows he's terrible at ghost hunting! He's got like, nothing but thumbs."

Danny climbed under the table, grabbed at the thermos and lifted it up as he crawled back out.

"See! See! I have a thermos! I could TOTALLY be Phantom!"

Sam walked over and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "It's okay bud, I think you'd be a great Phantom." her voice was thick with her usual sarcasm, soaked in pity though it were.

Danny's ears burned in embarrassment, he might have been humiliating himself on purpose, but it was still humiliating, watching everyone laugh at him for being so weak and incompetent. He was grateful to his friends for pushing through their discomfort and keeping up the act, it was still painful, but it came with a wash of pure unadulterated relief.

Nobody believed this Wes guy, nobody thought it could be even remotely possible. People would talk about it for a little while, have a laugh, maybe there would be a few memes and in-jokes, but eventually it would drop off. People would forget all about it and it would be just another notch on the gossip mill belt.

Even if someone DID believe it, they could never admit it for fear of vicious ridicule, for once in his life peer pressure was his friend.

And then Wes walked in.

Once Danny saw him he realised that he did recognise Wes, he'd seen him hanging around Kwan a few times, and chatting with Star, he was also in Danny's english class. That was about as familiar as he got with the guy, they'd never spoken a word to each other.

Wes had a terrifying expression of seething fury ripping across his face. He was glaring at Dash.

"It's NOT. FUNNY."

Dash was completely unable to stand, it was honestly overkill, Danny almost thought he was hamming it up on purpose, but maybe not, his face was turning an alarming shade of red after all.

"Wes don-" Dash gasped. "Don't do this to me man, I can't brea-" Dash was gasping for air, trying desperately to hold down the giggles.

Danny could almost see steam rising as Wes seethed. Then suddenly that furious stare was shooting daggers straight at him. Danny shrank into himself, looking as small and helpless as he possibly could.

"Uh hey Wes, um, I've heard the news." he joked tacking on a nervous laugh for emphasis. "Uh, soooo," he tossed the thermos from hand to hand, nearly dropping it again. "Is this like, just a joke or do you really-?"

Dash continued to wheeze, Kwan was holding him up by the arm, muttering about getting some water to cool off.

Wes strode over until he and Danny were face to face, he was taller by a good couple inches, even more so with Danny making a conscious effort to appear small.

Wes jabbed a sharp finger into his collarbone.

"Don't think I'm fooled by this pathetic act you've got going on, I am ONTO you, Phantom." he spat.

Danny glanced sidelong at the table beside him, silently begging for assistance, they only watched in silence, strained faces trying not to laugh. A glance the other way to his friends, they simply shrugged.

"Um, okaaay," Danny started backing away slowly. "Uh look Wes I am honestly really flattered but, do we really look that alike?" Danny ran a hand through his hair and then pointed up at Wes. "I mean we BOTH kinda have Phantom's haircut."

Sam deadpanned from the sidelines, "Maybe they're BOTH Phantom."

"We should start marketing that haircut." Tucker muttered to himself, tapping something on his tablet. "We could make a fortune, are you any good at hairdressing?"

Sam shot him a look of disgust and did not dignify the question with a response.

"Don't play dumb you two," said Wes, flipping his focus, "You're definitely in on this!"

The entire cafeteria was awash with giggles by this point. Just about everyone had heard about Wes' theory, but were mostly convinced it was some kinda joke. Now? Now they knew Wes was straight up fucking delusional.

He glanced around as people laughed, at him. At HIM.

"It's not funny!" he yelled over the crowed, the tittering increased in volume. Someone across the room yelled-

"Hey if I get the haircut, can I be Phantom too?"

One of the goths stood up on her seat.

"I've GOT the haircut! Mom says it's MY TURN to be the Phantom!"

There was a fresh round of mirthful laughter, some kids wheezing as hard as Dash had been. Another few kids piped up above the cacophony, throwing jokes of their own.

"I've got a soup thermos so I'm Phantom now, sorry sweaty I don't make the rules."

"If I wear a Phantom shirt does that make me Phantom ALL the time or am I only Phantom when I'm wearing it?"

"I have an ass, Phantom has an ass. Conclusion: I am Phantom's ass."

"Tag yourself I'm the thermos."

"DO THE BUTTS MATCH?"

Wes had been trying to scream over the din, infuriated, desperate to find SOMEONE who would listen.

Danny gave him a pat on the back.

"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, The Guys in White once hunted some guy down because he had white hair, if a government agency can fuck that up then-"

Wes slugged him.

It wasn't a particularly solid punch like Dash's hits, it was quick and precise, Was wasn't a brawny guy, but he was lean and fast and had good aim.

Danny whuffed out a heavy breath as Wes' fist collided with his sternum and he collapsed to the floor.

Everyone in the cafeteria lost their shit, a few people screamed and one table of football jocks all stood up chanting, "FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT."

Tucker ran over to him as Sam stepped up and without hesitation slammed a fist straight into Wes' nose.

The footballers lost their minds, one of the goths stood up on their table screaming "REPRESEEENT!!"

Wes backed up immediately, crying out from the sharp pain blossoming across his face, he'd never been hit before and couldn't pull his thoughts together quick enough to throw a punch back at her, so he was taken by surprise once again as Sam placed a solid roundhouse kick to his stomach.

He had certainly not been expecting that kind of brute strength from her, she had incapacitated him swiftly and effectively, barely having broken a sweat.

One of his teammates hollered over the crowd and came barrelling down on the goth, she dodged without batting an eye and darted nimbly out of the way, giving the guy a quick kick in the pants to throw him off balance as she rocketed for the cafeteria door.

As Wes took a deep breath through his mouth, his nose dripping blood, he realised that Danny and Tucker were gone. The fight had lasted only seconds but Sam had run distraction well enough for the boys to take off without anyone noticing, a glance around showed Tucker supporting Danny about to exit through the cafeteria doors.

The doors opened to an out of breath Mr Lancer on the other side.

"'The Light Fantastic!' WHAT is going on here?!"

Oh they were all so fucked.

[samswound]

i absolutely love unique tags, and i am desperate to know more about yours 😵‍💫🤲 you mentioned having multiple tags for sam and now for dean. how did you choose them, where did they come from (poems, books, movies, quotes), do you keep a running list to remember them, and which ones are your favorites?

i too adore fancy/unique tags!!! ahhh i apologize if i don't make any sense at all. i don't do meta 😭 i am just. here.

i choose tags based on how its meaning is close to the character. honestly idk what i'm doing, i just venture through poems and songs and even other people's samcore / deancore tags until i go insane. so!

#armed to the teeth but can't make me go to war

from family happiness by the mountain goats (albeit tweaked a little). i stopped using it as much, but it's one of my favorites <3 it's really the most samcoded lyric out of the whole thing, so i ran with it! found it while i was making my sam playlist, which i'm thinking about remaking

#give wings to a stone

from no shade in the shadow of a cross by sufjan stevens! two lyrics from that song are tragically sam coded. </3 this tag is starting to become my general sam tag, but idk. i might need something else. my most favorite :")

#a dark prediction

i don't remember where i got it from ;; maybe i made it up? but it's about how sam feels this overwhelming sense of uncleanness and not feeling pure. the inevitability of something Awful that's going to happen. something like that. <3

#at the altar of god

i made this one up i think? but it's about sam and his faith. idk, it's just very striking. best sam + faith/sainthood tag i could think of. religious trauma and sainthood for this boy forever ^_^

#sacrificial lamb for slaughter

from memory. 🥴 pretty self-explained! second tag related to sam's faith. the jesus parallels...he's the lamb of god!!!!

#only the shadow of a cross

also from no shade in the shadow of the cross by sufjan stevens! THIRD tag related to sam's faith ffs. sam is crucified? oh that's just a normal sunday let's carry on. fav tag as well

#body of proof

i'm not sure where's this originally from, but i took it from the title of THE sam & autonomy fic by askance (doomscountry). if you haven't read it, then do so now!!! altered my psyche. but please, obv, mind the tags. it touches on highly sensitive topics. the body of proof ... the proof of various violations and the lack of autonomy. God.

#bloody and bloodstained

i got it from a post but i LOST IT FFS. basically demon blood addict!sam. i don't really like it jgjfjvjfv it's my favorite arc of him and he deserves something Better

#nothing scares me anymore

direct quote from the show! this tag is about soulless!sam. something about this line struck me so hard. and the way he says it ... idk, it's my most favorite soulless!sam scenes ever.

#they're purifying me

direct quote from the show. obv trials era!sam. i'm thinking about finding another tag for him but argehrghfh. it makes it easier for me to find contents i reblogged of trials!sam.

#he just has strange vibes sometimes

direct quote from the show. psychic!sam!!! thinking about dropping this tag though </3 but he do be having weird vibes

now, off to dean (two tags...sad.)

#god bore you hungry

from belovéd by yves olade. it also applies to sam, actually, but my boy has nothing so </3

#your inside is on your outside

from covet by basement! PLEASE LISTEN TO THAT SONG. it's so samdean coded!!!! but yeah, this lyric is CRITICALLY early seasons dean. love my vulnerable boy who bares his beating heart out to everybody <3 haven't used it yet, but it's my most favorite tag of his so far.

as for me keeping a list, no, i absolutely do not! if i forgot about them or lost them then i'm fucked! i make up new ones! this is a matter of survival! (jk i do lolol)

also, i myself absolutely adore your own tags, so seeing your ask shocked me vjrjfnjejdf

thank you so much for the ask 🍯 ilysm <333 i'm sorry that it took this long ;__; hope this was satisfactory!

[wyn-n-tonic]

Golden, Like Daylight -- Part I

Word Count: 1,314 Warnings: PTSD. Drug use. As always, if I forgot anything, please message me and I will amend this warning ASAP. Note: In my head canon, Frankie has a daughter, I write a bit about this. I understand talking about babies can be triggering or people just don't like kids but it feels weird to say, "Warning: Baby." Feels a bit ominous. Like, it's not a vampire but just... ya know... be warned. Updated Author's Note (5.7.21): This is not a reader insert. At the time of writing this, I wasn't comfortable writing in the second person nor did I feel as though it was appropriate for what I wanted to explore in this series. This series is my absolute baby and it means so much to me. Thank you for reading. 

MASTERLIST | PART: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX

It comes like lightning in the night, cracking through the tree of his spine heavy with years of hurt.

The first time he was tear gassed in the chambers at boot camp.

That time he crashed the chopper, losing twenty-something men all twenty-something years old. Men… they weren’t men. They were babies, he was a baby.

He remembers the time he had a panic attack in the jungle, squeezing involuntarily on… a kid, not the target.

He remembers the woman’s wail, “¡Mi hijo! ¡Mi bebé!”

My son! My baby!

He killed her baby.

“I killed the baby!” He’s up but his heart’s somewhere else, outside his body. It’s beating so fast he can’t even feel it anymore, not sure if he feels anything anymore and then—

Cool hands on his feverish back, he’s so hot she feels like ice and he sighs contentedly. Marrying the coldest girl in all of Texas had its perks. Her fingers wind into his too long curls at the base of his neck, her lips on his shoulder as she shushes him with a kiss.

“Come back to me, Francisco, you’re safe.”

“But I—“ he’s stuttering. Fuck.

“It wasn’t your fault,” her arms curl around his chest and she’s scooting closer to him now, pulling him into her as hard as she can, “None of it was your fault, it’s okay.”

“How can you say that?” The tears come like wildfire as he chokes out, “How can you hold me like this? Like I’m not a monster?”

Her arms pull tighter against his torso, he didn’t know that was possible. He doesn’t know how this is possible, how he deserved this. This woman, this love, this family she had made for him.

“Baby, listen to me,” her voice is hard and warm, honeyed whiskey to his aching ears. Splintered mind. Broken body.

He nods his head in the dark, whispering a soft, “Yes,” around a lump like coal burning through his neck.

“You are not a monster. The things you did, the things you saw, the horror that was inflicted upon you was not your choice. When you put the flag on your shoulder, Francisco Morales, you gave up autonomy in your decisions. You represented men who played chess with your life and you made it out. You made it out and they threw you away when you needed them the most but I’m not going to. Our daughter is not going to. You are not a monster, baby, and we will get through this together.”

“Luna,” he breathes. His girl, his perfect little girl, “Where is she? Is she okay?” He’s still panicked.

“She's in her crib, baby,” her lips press softly to his shoulder again, “Do you want to go see her? Wanna go make sure she’s okay with me?”

He’s nodding again, untangling fingers from hers to swipe at his cheeks quickly. Afraid, every day, that this tear or that will be the one that changes her mind, changes her heart.

She lifts herself, holding steady to his shaking body the whole time. As if he’s the rock that the storm of her life batters against and not the other way around. Her hands find his and she’s lifting him too. His balance is unreliable, he never lets her go, trailing along the hallway to the baby’s room.

It’s quiet, peaceful. His happiest place, painted like a sunrise. He wanted it that way, clouds around her cradle, his baby growing up in the heavens. He remembers the first time he ever went up there, like it was the first breath he ever took. All rising pinks and melting blues.

He wanted her to feel that freedom from the very beginning. —————

He was so fucking scared when she came into this world.

He was afraid of marring her innocence with his past. He didn’t want his traumas to manifest upon her upbringing, the way his father’s had his.

That first cry shattered his heart but when she wrapped her tiny hand around his finger, he was whole again.

They named her Luna, because he could always find the moon above the clouds. Could always find his way home.

That’s when he started using again. His fear of fatherhood choke holding him, undoing all his hard work. His therapy, his group therapy, his NarcAnon. He promised himself it would just be once.

Just to get through the day, Frankie.

And it turned into…

The week.

The month.

Six.

Next thing he knew, he was flying high and fucking up. Nose bleeds and slurred words, too fast movements and too fast reactions. He was randomly selected for a drug test.

His license was suspended. He was grounded, under review pending cleanliness of a piss test.

That’s when Leah snapped. His patient, strong wife. She’d said things here and there about his use. Argued about money, “Where's it going, Francisco?” The name she uses when she’s calling him back to her, pulling him into her or, like now, close to killing him. Eyes wide with anger and fear at watching her family fall apart because of the actions of one man.

“I'm not going to beg you to get clean. I am telling you,” the tears streaking down her face, voice raw with contained rage bubbling to the surface, “You were able to do it by yourself once, so get your shit together. Or I swear to god, Francisco Morales, I will walk out that door.”

His eyes haven’t left hers the whole time and he knows she’s serious. She promised she wouldn’t leave a man actively working against his ghosts, she’s soothed more sleepless nights than anybody should’ve, but she never promised to stay through active drug addiction. Could not. Would not bring her daughter up in a home dusted in white powder.

He nods, “okay,” lifting his hat from his head and he is pouring buckets. He’s coming down from earlier but he knows he’s gonna need more soon. And another after that. So on and so on until—

He sees the door slamming on an empty home, shocked still with the future his actions will lead him to.

“I’ll find a meeting tomorrow.”

Her glare bores deep, “you’ll find a meeting today, Frankie.”

He bites his lip, not daring ask for another hit to get through til then.

“Francisco!”

The world comes back into focus. How long had he been staring at everything and nothing? His eyes find hers again and his voice is weak as he says, “My stash is in the box with my dog tags and medals, my first pilot’s license.”

“I know.”

He’s nodding again, of course she does.

“The withdrawals are going to start soon, how should we handle this?”

She crosses her arms, pain stitched through every feature of her face, “I think you should stay with Benny and Will for a while. Until you’re clean.”

So he did.

One week goes by and he sweats with a restlessness he’s sure will bust the very seams of his being.

Two weeks and all he wants is sleep, even with the nightmares.

Three weeks and, Jesus fuck, he’s hungry.

Four weeks and the depression sets in, deeper than he’s experienced since he first started getting help back in civilian life.

Five weeks and he’s… not cold anymore. He doesn’t sweat. He doesn’t feel anything, he can’t concentrate on anything.

Can’t focus on Benny’s shitty fight lessons. Doesn’t even listen when Will practices that fucking speech like he hasn’t given it a million times already; to cadets, to soldiers, to the mirror. The only things he can think about, the only things he cares about, are still too far away.

Leah, Luna, the sky.

He needs all three to be whole.

To be Frankie.

A desperate man aching to be complete and to provide again.

That’s how Santiago Garcia found him.

TAG LIST: @greeneyedblondie44​ @justanotherblonde23​ 

[fleetingpieces]

My One in a Million CH 7

Y’all, this chapter got so out of hand and it’s so lOnG (or at least longer than any other chapter I posted) Thank you so so much @inloveoknutzy @knittingdreams @heyitssmiller and @donttouchmycarrots !! You all helped with this chapter in different ways and I appreciate you all so much❤️❤️

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added!)

@whataboutmyfries  @justdyingontheinside @heyoitslysso @sunflowerfox87 @hereforwolfstarr @potterlocked24-7 @cheekeebabe (i can’t seem to find your tumblr :( ) @domesticatedbeetlenamedjorge

CW: mentions of past animal abuse, emergency clinic, mention of needles

Masterlist

Ao3

Chapter 7 - Rough night

“Go home, son.”

Remus lifted his head from where it’d been buried in his hands for who knows how long and looked at the doctor smiling sadly at him.

It was well past any reasonable time, he’d probably been sitting there for hours, but Remus couldn't bring himself to move from his spot in the waiting room.

He didn't want to go.

He couldn't stand the idea of going back home alone, of Cocoa not being there with him. He felt as if he wasn't really there at the clinic, his mind was miles away in a deserted, foggy forest, where a furry little puppy was chained to a tree, barely keeping his eyes open, his ribs protruding like a black skeleton. How could he just go?

The feel of Cocoa’s body trembling with spasms in his arms as he’d carried him to the car was still fresh in his mind; how he’d whined pitifully from the back seat while Remus sped through the city until he reached the emergency clinic, how both their hearts had been beating a thousand miles per minute when he picked him up again and burst through the front doors.

The fear clutching at his heart had made him numb to anything else going on around him, to the way he’d practically screamed at the poor guy at the reception desk until someone came to help him. And even though he knew it was exactly what he’d come here for, parting from Cocoa and watching as they took him away had almost broken Remus all over again.

He would give anything to feel that heartbeat under his palm right then.

A hand settled heavily on his shoulder, grounding him back into his body. Remus didn't want to listen to those words again. Go. It sounded a lot like he was abandoning him.

"You need to rest. And Cocoa needs to stay in observation, but I promise we will take good care of him. You can come back tomorrow afternoon, he’ll probably be ready to go home by then."

Resigned, Remus nodded. He knew he couldn't stay and that Cocoa was in good hands, but that did nothing to quell his guilt.

He thanked the doctor, who squeezed his shoulder once, and walked numbly out the building.

The next half hour was a blur. Remus had no idea how he got back to his apartment building, he only had vague memories of getting back into his car and driving through the mostly empty streets.

All he knew was that he was now there, standing in front of his door, staring at the pattern in the wood without really seeing it, picturing the empty flat that was awaiting for him on the other side instead. Remus counted to ten and sighed. He figured it wouldn’t get easier any time soon, so he fished in his pocket for his keys.

Only to realise he didn’t have them.

He stared at his empty pocket as he replayed in his head how he’d dropped the keys to the floor when he’d gotten home earlier that day, and in his haste to get Cocoa checked, he hadn’t grabbed anything other than the car keys.

“Fucking fuck, just...fuck!” he slammed his fist against the door once, like that was going to solve anything.

Suddenly he felt exhausted. He’d been through way too many emotions in just one day and all he wanted to do was lie in bed, but he couldn’t do that ‘cause he was fucking locked out. Remus let his back hit the wall and slid down to the floor, hiding his head in his knees. Despite everything, part of him was kinda glad that he didn’t have to go in when he knew there would be no one there expecting him.

He’d left him at the clinic. Alone. Probably inside a tiny cage, with no one there to comfort him and those horrible intravenous lines piercing his skin. Remus knew first hand how uncomfortable those were.

His eyes burned as tears started prickling behind his eyelids and dampened the fabric of his shorts. It was his fault. Two years ago he’d promised he would take care of Cocoa, make sure he was happy, and look how that turned out.

“Remus?”

Oh, fuck. Remus tightened his grip on his knees as he heard fast footsteps approaching.

“Remus, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

The rustle of a bag thumping against the floor close by was the only warning he got before he felt someone kneeling next to him, but Remus refused to look up. What the hell was he doing out at this time? Remus was not sure he could deal with this right now. Not with the tornado that was Sirius Black.

He could feel the other man shuffling about, most likely not sure what to do, until he finally said softly, “Remus, please look at me?”

There was such a plea in his voice, and a level of concern he hadn’t expected. Remus knew he couldn’t stay this way forever, so he reluctantly raised his head, doing his best to dry his face on his clothes as he did. He just hoped his eyes didn't look as bloodshot as they felt.

Sirius' eyebrows were furrowed, worry written all over his face as he knelt there, his hands half-raised like he wanted to touch Remus but wasn’t sure if he was allowed to.

“What happened?” he asked quietly.

Remus stared into silver eyes, trying his damn best to school his features into a mask of impassiveness. “I...I forgot my keys.”

“Ok…” Sirius eyed him wearily. “Do you have any spares?”

“Leo does, but I can’t ask him to bring them now,” Remus shrugged.

“So what, you were just going to sit here all night?”

Remus didn’t reply. He just shrugged again, his gaze glazing over and drifting to the wall in front of him. He wasn’t sure he had many options, and his brain wasn’t cooperating to come up with a solution. Maybe he could force the door open. But then he would have to pay for the damages, and he might not be able to close the door again and leave it broken for the night.

A sigh brought him out from his unhelpful thoughts. “Why don’t you come to my place?”

“What?” his eyes snapped back to Sirius, who quirked an eyebrow at him.

“You can’t possibly spend the night here Remus. For one, it’s freezing cold and you’re only in your gym clothes. And for another, I won’t allow it.”

It did seem like a very reasonable option, but then Remus noticed just how close Sirius was from him, his warmth radiating from his body and warming Remus’ numb fingers. Suddenly, all he could think of was how he’d almost kissed this man just a couple of hours ago. What if Sirius was only asking because of that? Was he purposely trying to get Remus alone?

“Ah, thank you, but I can go to my Mum’s or...or I could sleep in my car.”

“Remus don’t be stupid. It’s the middle of the night. Your Mum lives far away and she’s probably sleeping right now, and seriously? What the hell are you thinking? Sleeping in your car? No fucking way, that’s dangerous, and I have Netflix, ice cream, and a perfectly good guest room just three feet away.”

Remus hesitated. Even if he felt more comfortable knowing there was a guest room available, he still wasn’t sure he could face Sirius and whatever had happened in that pool. Wouldn’t it be awkward?

But Sirius did have a point, he couldn’t go back home. And though he was reluctant to admit it, he didn’t want to be alone right now and Sirius’ voice was strangely calming.

“Are you sure?” Remus asked, biting his lip.

“Of course.” Sirius smiled and got up, picking up the bag that he’d dropped on the floor. It was from the shop down the corner, full of snacks and a pack of cigarettes as far as Remus could tell. He offered Remus a hand and helped him get up, then led the way to his flat without another word.

Remus followed numbly, using what was left of his strength to lift his feet enough not to drag them over the floor. Once inside, he glanced idly around, noticing a few more details now that there were no people partying everywhere. There was a weird mix of decor going on: some of the stuff was tastefully modern (and very expensive), while other things were the kind of trinkets you would most likely find at a thrift store or in a street market. A Queen flag hung from the same wall as a street sign that had clearly been stolen, right next to a huge telescope that looked out the window.

“Make yourself at home,” Sirius said over his shoulder as he went over to the kitchen.

Doors closing and the sound of ceramic clinking came from the place Sirius had disappeared to. Remus moved in autopilot to sit at the couch and glanced down at his hands. His brain felt like mush, his mind going completely blank while he waited.

He didn’t move an inch until Sirius came back a few minutes later, holding a steaming cup of tea that he offered Remus. It took him a couple of seconds to figure out how to move his arm again, and when he did, it was trembling so badly that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold the cup without spilling tea everywhere. He hoped Sirius wouldn’t notice, but by the way he frowned, he had no such luck.

Indeed, Sirius placed the mug on the coffee table before Remus could get a hold of it and sat down in front of him. He then reached slowly to clasp Remus’ hand in both of his.

“Jesus fuck Remus, you’re fucking freezing. Just how long were you sitting out there?” he asked in a reproachful tone.

Remus simply shrugged. He had no idea, and besides, he was too focused on Sirius’ big hands around his. He knew he probably shouldn’t, that the other man probably didn’t even mean it in that way, but he took comfort in that small touch, in how gently Sirius held him. It was as if he was scared Remus would break, or disappear in a cloud of smoke. He vaguely wondered if Sirius realised how long it’d been since Remus was touched like this.

When he spoke next, Sirius’ voice was softer. “Ok, this is what we’re going to do. You’re going to forget about that cup of tea, go take a hot shower and change into warmer clothes. Warming your fingertips and digestive tract is pointless if the rest of you is still freezing. And after that, we’ll get you sorted for the night. D’accord?”

A steaming shower sounded like bliss right then, especially now that Remus was painfully aware of how cold his shaking body was. Just accept it, he told himself, but all that came out of him was “I don’t have clothes to change into.”

His voice sounded dull even to his own ears, but Sirius kindly ignored it and waved a dismissive hand.

“I’ll lend you some. Now come on,” his tone didn’t leave room for arguing.

Remus was finding it harder and harder to look at his face, so he let his head drop. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“Remus.”

Slowly, warm fingers extended towards him, touching lightly below his chin to make him look up. Sirius’ face was a wonderful mix of fierce and caring as he stared at him intently.

“You are not a bother. Ok? Not now, not ever.”

Remus’ throat closed up, and he didn’t trust his voice to sound steady, so he just nodded quickly. Sirius smiled reassuringly and brushed his fingers in a feather-like caress, and Remus found himself jutting his chin forward to prolong the touch, but, much too soon, Sirius let go and got up.

He guided Remus through a hall and into a spacious bathroom that had both a big bathtub and a shower cubicle. Sirius went straight to open the hot tap so the water would warm up, and then he reached into the cabinet under the sink, pulling out a soft looking white towel, which he placed on the counter. He turned to look at Remus.

“Toiletries are just in that corner, use whatever you need. I’ll just go get some clean clothes for you and be right back.” He smiled again and left.

With nothing else to do, Remus let his eyes wander around the room that was slowly filling with hot steam from the shower, until he looked on top of the sink and was startled at his own reflection in the mirror.

Damn, he was a fucking mess. His clothes were rumpled, his hair ruffled and dishevelled from all the times he’d raked a hand through it, and his eyes were red, puffy and a little bit dead.

“Here you go.” Sirius walked back in, carrying a pile of neatly folded clothes which he put next to the towel. “Call me if you need anything, d’accord? Take your time.”

Remus nodded and thanked him, not quite able to meet his eye. Sirius closed the door behind him and Remus took off his clothes and stepped in the shower. He hadn’t realised how taught his muscles were until the jet of hot water hit his back and he relaxed under the pressure. It was very soothing, standing there for a while, slowly working his body to loosen up, while thinking of everything that had happened that day and trying to calm down.

By the time he finished, he hadn’t succeeded completely, but felt a lot better all the same. He snagged the towel, draping it across himself, and went through the pile of clothes that Sirius had left for him, a warm feeling spreading through his chest.

The feeling extended to his cheeks when he picked up a small square of black fabric, only to realise it was a pair of Sirius’ underwear.

Oh God, was he really going to wear his neighbour’s underwear? His hot neighbour’s underwear? His hot neighbour whom he very much had wanted to pin against the pool tiles and kiss senseless?

He bristled and looked up at the ceiling. Well, it’s not like the air between them could get any more awkward, could it?

***

Sirius started tugging at his bottom lip for the ninth time since he’d sat at the sofa. Remus had been in the shower for a really long time and he was starting to get worried. He still felt slightly thrown off-kilter by the way he’d found the man sitting by the door, curled in a ball and hugging his legs as if his life depended on it.

And the despair in those amber eyes when he’d finally looked up at him… How the fuck was he supposed to ignore that? He never wanted to see that look in Remus’ eyes ever again.

He was just about to go over and knock on the door when he heard some shuffling, and his head perked up to see Remus walking into the room and stop by the archway awkwardly. Sirius tried to ignore how cute Remus looked in his sweats and hoodie that were two sizes too big for him. His wet curls were flopping over his forehead adorably, but damn, it was certainly not the time to be smitten by the man.

Remus was clutching his own clothes against his chest in a protective stance, like that could shield him from...Sirius had no idea what.

And that was exactly the problem, wasn’t it? This man was so open one minute and incredibly guarded the next; Sirius could tell he was desperately trying to protect himself from something. But he just didn’t know why.

He mustered up a smile, trying to make Remus feel more at ease, and approached him. “Hey there,” he eyed Remus’ face discreetly. He looked better, but still seemed to be a bit off and he held the bundle tighter when Sirius got close. “I can show you where the guestroom is if you want to lie down, and then I’ll make you another tea. I’m afraid I drank the other one while I waited. Both cold and warmed up tea should be a crime,” he said, trying to lighten up the mood. Anything to get Remus to drop some of his walls.

The corner of Remus’ mouth quirked up slightly, and, given the circumstances, Sirius took that as a success.

"Actually, I… I don't think I can sleep right now," Remus said, rubbing at the side of his neck.

"That's ok," Sirius reassured. "Do you want me to stay up with you? We can play games or watch a movie. Or would you rather I leave you alone?"

And then Remus had that look again, that seemed as though he was drowning, and Sirius prepared himself to be shut out without knowing why. But then again, Remus never seemed to do what he expected him to.

"I wouldn't mind some company, if that's ok," he said, before he hurried to add, "but don't feel like you have to."

Sirius smiled brightly at him. "My work schedule is fucked up anyway, so don't worry about it. Why don't you go sit on the couch? I'll get us something to drink."

While Remus nodded and sat down, Sirius went back into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. He was actually meant to be editing his last recording, even more now that he had more of a reason to do it.

He’d received Remus’ merch a few days ago, and had made a video using it for the sole purpose of imagining Remus’ face when he saw it on Padfoot’s channel. Usually, Marlene was in charge of doing the editing, but he’d asked her to let him do this one himself. He knew it was stupid, but even if Remus wouldn’t know, he wanted it to be something personal.

The eagerness to finish them tonight was almost consuming him; he was sure they would lift Remus’ spirits. But he couldn’t leave him alone right now.

The water boiled, Sirius filled two mugs with a nice aromatic tea, and, after a moment of hesitation, he grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard and walked back into the living room. 

Keeping a safe distance between them, he sat on the couch next to Remus, who raised an eyebrow when Sirius placed the bottle at the table. He simply shrugged in response.

"I thought you might want some."

Remus narrowed his eyes and held his cup in both hands, but after taking two sips he seemed to think better of it and reached over to pour himself a healthy dose. He sighed when he drank next and stared ahead, his eyes getting that faraway look again. Sirius wasn’t sure he wanted to know where exactly Remus was at that moment. 

He’d been wondering for a while as to what could have gotten Remus in this state. The man was usually so composed, except for those few moments Sirius had gotten a glimpse of, when he could practically see him closing up. He hated that feeling, hated not knowing how to help him or avoid those reactions.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked after a moment.

“About what?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow even though Remus was not looking at him. “You don’t seriously think I believed for a second that you were crying in the hallway because you forgot your keys, do you?”

Remus flinched but still kept his head down, avoiding his gaze, and a horrible thought occurred to him.

“I...I don’t want to assume anything,” he started, feeling a weight drop in his stomach, “but if this has anything to do with… you know, with what happened earlier then I…” he fumbled for the right words as he gestured vaguely with his hands, and finally Remus looked back with a confused expression on his face. He frowned for a second and then realisation dawned on him and he hurried to shake his head.

“No, no that’s not it. I...Something else happened and I had to leave my flat in a hurry. It’s...it’s not about that.”

His face turned to a lovely shade of pink, and Sirius had the sudden urge to cup those cheeks in his palms and feel the soft skin beneath them. He balled his hands into fists to keep himself from reaching out.

“Ok,” Sirius said, relieved but still worried. Remus seemed uncomfortable, and though Sirius had a million questions he was dying to ask, he knew it was not the time. Instead, he added some whiskey to his own tea. “Well, I’m here for you, in whichever way you need.”

Silence stretched between them, and it didn’t seem like Remus wanted to talk, so Sirius found a silly movie that could take Remus’ mind off things and they sat in companionable silence. They sipped from their spiked teas while the movie rolled, and when those were finished they moved on to straight whiskey.

He could tell Remus kept stealing glances at him, and even opened his mouth a couple times, but ended up closing it back in the end. He gave him the time he needed and waited.

“Sirius,” Remus called after a while. When Sirius glanced at him from his spot by the armrest, he found soft eyes, warm like melted caramel, trained on him. “Thank you.”

His voice was earnest and loaded with emotions that Sirius couldn’t figure out, but it sent a flutter through his stomach. He smiled fondly at this gorgeous, unpredictable man that had stumbled in his life at such a dark time. “Anytime, Rem.”

Remus' face turned almost pleading, and it was becoming physically impossible for Sirius not to get closer and pull him into his arms. Not when he was clearly upset about something and possibly a bit drunk.

No, he didn't want to do it like this.

He raked his brain for a safe topic and said the first thing that came to mind. "So, you said your classes were going well?"

Remus blinked a few times and then made a vague gesture with a hand, almost knocking the bottle in the process.

Well, he was definitely a bit drunk.

"It's great. Everyone is very nice and welcoming. And it's amazing that I got to know Lily and Natalie. Although Nat can be a bit hard to deal with," he said, but there was no real annoyance in his voice. In fact, he seemed rather fond of both girls.

Remus stretched forward to grab the bottle again, his mug tilting precariously on his leg. Sirius wasn't sure it was a good idea for him to keep drinking, so he snatched it right from his fingertips and placed both mugs on the table.

“Hey!” Remus protested.

“You're clearly ahead of me, I’m just catching up,” Sirius smiled mischievously as he gulped down, the warm liquid burning his throat, and laughed when Remus scowled at him. “Tu es mignon,” he said before he could stop himself.

Fuck. Maybe he should cut back on the alcohol too.

But Remus didn’t comment on it, just stared at Sirius with those big eyes that somehow were so much like his pet’s. And suddenly something clicked in his head.

“Oh crap. Will Cocoa be ok?” he asked Remus, who just stared. “Y’know, with you being locked out and all.” Remus continued to stare, his hand flinching the only indication that he’d heard him. Sirius raised an eyebrow and watched, alarmed, as tears started welling in Remus’ eyes. He fumbled around, flustered, wanting to hug Remus but not sure if Remus would want him to. “Ok, merde, don’t worry. Maybe I can climb over to your balcony? But I don’t think I can get in unless you left the window open…”

Remus sniffed. “My dog…”

“Fuck, wait here. Maybe I can open the door anyway, I’ll just go-” he was already stumbling out of his seat, but stopped when he felt Remus pulling at his sleeve.

“He’s not there.”

“Not there? What do you mean?”

“He-” Remus sniffed again and his breath hitched, “he’s at the clinic.”

Sirius sat down slowly, his heart beating fast. “What are you talking about?”

“I… I got back home and he… he’d found some of my chocolate, I don’t even know where he got it from.” Remus paused to take a shaky breath. Sirius could just imagine the moment, and Remus’ worry, and his heart ached for him. For both of them. “He was all… trembling and stuff. I took him to the emergency clinic straight away.”

“Is he going to be okay?” he asked as gently as he could.

“I think so. They gave him something to absorb the toxins, but he had to stay in observation just in case.”

“That’s good news, isn’t it?”

Remus’ tears started falling harder; great, heaving sobs shaking his body. He was a wreck, eyes swollen, wet tracks down his red cheeks, and Sirius couldn’t help it anymore. He took Remus’ hand, who held on as though that was the only thing keeping him together.

“But I left him alone at the hospital! When I found him chained to that tree, I promised I would take care of him, that I wouldn’t abandon him just like his old owners had. Just like I was ditched too. And I just left him there!”

Sirius started at that. What did he mean ‘he was ditched’? Every new detail about Remus’ past that came to light felt like having his vision go clearer and darker at the same time. Some questions were answered, but a lot more appeared that were worse than the ones before. He didn’t understand why Remus’ mum or Leo hadn’t been at the hospital with him, or exactly why he’d been stuck in bed in the first place. But he knew it was still hard on Remus. He could only imagine what leaving Cocoa at the clinic would have done to him.

“It’s my fault he ate the chocolate in the first place…”

“Oh no, we’re not going to do that. This is not your fault.”

“But he almost died,” he said, with his head bowed in shame.

Sirius scooted closer and held Remus’ tighter, while he used his free hand to wipe the other man’s tears with his thumb, first on one cheek and then the other. He pressed his palm against Remus’ cheek and locked eyes with him.

"Remus, the way you reacted is probably what saved his life. That dog loves you, anyone can tell, and I know you would never do anything that would hurt him. Cocoa is going to be fine."

Remus’ breath hitched again as he leant into the touch.

"How do you know?" he asked helplessly.

Sirius smiled softly at him. "’Cause he's a fighter just like you are."

It was small, but slowly, an actual, genuine smile spread across Remus’ face, looking at Sirius as if he was seeing him for the first time, and Sirius felt his world stop.

It didn’t feel like the sun was rising after the longest night. It was more like coming up for air after being underwater without even knowing it. It was melting every barrier he’d ever built. It was wishing he could see that smile every day, because if Remus smiled like that, then everything was a little bit better.

Before he could get his mind riled up about how deeply enthralled by the man he was and the panicking that would ensue, Remus yawned.

"C'mon, let's get you to bed."

Stretching his arms over his head, Sirius stood up and turned the TV off. Remus tried to follow but stumbled over his feet and would have crashed over the table if Sirius hadn't caught him in time, draping a hand around his middle.

"Oops," Remus chuckled, and Sirius inwardly winced at how adorable he was.

He put an arm under his shoulders and helped him to his room, not bothering to turn on the light. He opened the bed covers for him, and guided him down; Remus’ eyes were halfway closed even when he was still sitting, and Sirius had to force himself to turn around and leave, but just as he did, long fingers slid into his hand, holding on to him.

“Don’t go,” Remus whispered, his eyes now on Sirius’.

What was he meant to do about that? They were both drunk, Remus had been through a lot, and he didn’t want it to look like he was taking advantage of his state.

“It’s ok, I’ll be in the room next door if you need anything,” he assured him. He tried to get Remus to lie down, but he held on to his hand and didn’t let go.

“I can play you some rain sounds?” he offered, a bit desperate, not quite thinking straight as the alcohol was making him a bit dizzy. Or maybe that was just the effect Remus had on him.

“No, you,” Remus pouted, tugging at his arm.

Sirius wanted to. He really, really wanted to lie down with him, tuck him close and hold on for dear life. But it didn’t feel right, Remus might not want the same thing if the circumstances were different.

“Please? I don’t want to be alone.”

The conflict in his mind dimmed and he sighed, defeated, ‘cause there was no way Sirius could say no to that.

Please, don’t regret this tomorrow.

He nodded, and Remus smiled and let Sirius tuck him into bed with the blankets up to his chin. Sirius removed his shoes and went to the other side of the bed, lying on his side on top of the covers.

Remus turned on his side as well, and then they were face to face with just a few inches between them. It was dark, but not dark enough that Sirius couldn’t see Remus’ face, his soft curls, the freckles over the bridge of his nose, those beautiful honey eyes, the curve of his lips...

How the fuck was he supposed to sleep with him right there?

It would be impossible. All he could think about was how only a few hours earlier they’d also been this close to each other, how their breaths had entwined, driving him mad. He’d been so sure that Remus was about to kiss him. And he’d wanted him to, fuck, he wanted it so badly. The need to be closer was becoming unbearable.

But maybe it was all just wishful thinking, considering the way Remus had ran from him.

He hadn’t realised he was still staring at Remus’ lips until they moved, just barely, to whisper almost inaudibly.

"Goodnight, Sirius."

When he looked up, Remus’ eyes were already closed, and a few seconds later the sound of slow, even breathing filled the room.

Sirius watched him sleep for a while; his face finally relaxed and more open than it’d been all night. Stretching slightly forward, he tilted his chin up to press a soft kiss on Remus’ forehead.

"Goodnight, Re."

[turinn]

Train Station

Koga Oogami x GN!Reader

Summary: Koga develops a... little crush on someone he sees every time he's at the train station. Shame he's so fucking awkward. Not that his unit mates are any help there.

Tags: Fluff, pining, first meeting, trains

A/N: Real sorry about how my fics are gnna be formatted for a while but I can't sit up to do it on my computer so it's gotta be on on mobile for now. Sorry!

Adonis raised his eyebrows at Koga, waiting for him to respond to the question he'd just asked him. He didn't. Kaoru and Rei were both smirking, looking in the same direction as Koga, and Adonis followed their gazes over to you. Ah. Of course.

Every time UNDEAD had to go somewhere together, they'd get the train at this station, usually just after school, since two of their members were still in their third year. And every time they arrived at the station, it didn't take long for Koga to malfunction. Adonis was still unsure whether you were a student nearby or commuting, but one thing that was for certain was that you always took the same train at this station- or at least you had every time they'd been here.

Koga's little crush had started the first time they'd decided to take the train rather than the bus, it being quicker and usually cheaper. You'd been leaning against the wall next to the ticket machine, laughing into your phone. He'd been sent to buy their tickets and he'd dropped all his money when he heard your laugh. Rei had come over to 'save' him, much to his underclassman's embarrassment, and he'd spent the whole journey positively glaring at Rei.

A couple weeks later they'd gotten the train again (Rei had insisted, his tone of voice making it clear he had an ulterior motive. Bastard.) and sure enough, there you were. That day you'd had a friend with you, and Koga seemed to short circuit as he caught sight of you animatedly relaying a story to them. He'd stopped mid sentence, choking on the words and then insisting he needed to buy a drink from the small store situated at the other end of the station. He'd almost committed a murder when he walked out of the store and saw Kaoru talking to you, leaning against a signpost and smiling flirtatiously.

"They dropped their phone." Adonis had reassured him.

"Don't be surprised if he comes back with their number, though." Rei interjected unhelpfully. Whether it was luckier for Koga or for Kaoru that he didn't, none of them could be sure.

When they took their fifth trip by train since he'd seen you first a few months ago, he was feeling confident. He'd finally talk to you today. As soon as he remembered how to walk.

"Fuck it. Today I'm gonna get their number!" Koga announced proudly, before he took one step in your direction and tripped over his shoelaces. He wished he could say he handled it smoothly, but to do so he would definitely have to lie. He'd landed face first on the ground, and Rei had not held back on laughing at him. It must have been a goddamn miracle that you were facing away from him when it happened, checking the announcement on the board that your train had been delayed. Setting himself to rights (and making sure his shoelaces were firmly tied), he regathered his somewhat bruised confidence and made his way towards you.

"Hey." He'd tapped on your shoulder, and you'd turned around quickly, your face scrunched up in confusion, but still plastered with a friendly smile.

"Oh, hello! Can I help you?" The grey haired boy standing in front of you hadn't answered. He'd just sort of... stared, awkwardly.

15 odd feet away, Adonis could see his friends face going redder than the tomato juice Rei was drinking, and he couldn't help but feel a little bad for him.

"Are you... okay?" You tilted your head, confusion fading away for concern. This boy had just... frozen in front of you, and he looked like hewas wishing he could disappear into the ground right now. This was an astute observation, because that was exactly what he was wishing for. You gently placed a hand on his upper arm, hoping to snap him out of whatever odd stupor he'd fallen into. The boy coughed and ran back to his friends. ".... Okay then? Weird."

Back with his unit, Koga felt awful.

"You didn't get their number, did you?" Rei asked, looking apologetic. He already knew the answer

"...No."

"Did you at least learn their name?" Kaoru offered, hoping to help him see the bright side.

"I said 'hey'. That's kind of where the conversation stopped."

"Oh my god..."

"They said hello and I... forgot how to speak."

Adonis put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly and he brushed it off, growling. "I'll get it next time. Stop looking at me like that." He didn't speak for the rest of the journey.

The next time UNDEAD take the train, Koga gets... a different kind of distracted. You're nowhere to be see. He finds excuses to walk up and down the platform several times, and he doesn't catch a glimpse of you once. It makes him antsy.

"Will you relax? You're driving me up the wall." Kaoru, sat next to him on the train, could hardly focus with the incessant bouncing of Koga's leg in his peripheral vision.

"Now, now, it's not his fault. Someone didn't get to see his object of admiration today, did he?"

Koga bares his teeth at Rei, pissed off at the teasing lilt in his voice.

"Piss off."

"Didn't anybody ever tell you to respect your elders?"

"Sorry. Piss off, please." Rei simply rolls his eyes and settles in his seat, presumably hoping to nap. Koga goes back to glaring at the floor like it had caused him some personal offense.

He doesn't even know your name, why the hell does he care? Sure, you're cute but that's not enough reason. And yeah, your laugh is the nicest sound he's ever heard but neither is that! He thinks constantly about how concerned you'd looked when he froze up in front of you, how gently you'd placed your hand on his arm to try and shake him out of it, how soft your voice had been when you'd asked him if he was okay.... Oh, Jesus Christ. What the hell have you done to him?

On the return journey home, he's still tense. He'd managed to shake the feeling off during their shoot, but it had returned pretty much as soon as he'd gotten back on the train. It was starting to give him a headache.

He was just considering buying a bottle of water from the lady with the cart next time she passed by when someone slumped down on the seat opposite him, and Adonis nudged him gently.

Looking up, Koga felt like he was about to choke. You were sitting in front of him, headphones plugged firmly in your ears and an exhausted look on your face. Whether you recognise him or not he can't tell.

Kaoru clears his throat, making some garbled excuse for getting up and going to the other end of the carriage, dragging Rei with him. Adonis quickly follows, offering Koga a small smile before ditching him. Alone with you (well, alone as one can be on a crowded train), Koga attempts to catch his composure. He's still staring at his shoes when he feels a tap on his knee, and looks up to see you smiling at him.

"D'you have a bad day? You look like you wanna set the world on fire." He furrows his brows at you, but your smile is so warm he forces himself to settle down and responds.

"Something like that, yeah."

"I'm headed down that alley pretty fast myself. I'm L/N Y/N. I see you around fairly often, you and your friends who just ditched you. I'm uh... assuming that was to give you a chance to talk to me again?"

"Honestly, I don't know what they're thinking. But probably."

"You didn't seem like you knew where to start, so I figured I'd start for you. That's okay, right? I mean- if you don't wanna talk I can leave you b-"

"No!" Koga blurts out, and then turns red. "I.. I wanna talk to ya." You smile at him again, your own cheeks heating up.

"Great! Can I know your name, then?"

"Oogami Koga."

The two of you talk the rest of the way, and he almost misses his stop, saved only by Rei sauntering over to inform him. You have to wait at the station for another train to get you home, but before the rest of his unit can drag him away, you write your number on his palm and grin at him.

Your receive a text less than two minutes later.

[writethelifeyouwant]

Nothing On But The Radio

Pairing: Jared x Jensen  Rating: 18+ Tags: SAXX, clothing kink, dirty talk, degradation, blowjob, anal fingering, object insertion (DO NOT try this at home - not safe), anal sex Word Count: 2.7k  Created for: @spnkinkbingo - SAXX | @anyfandomgoesbingo - Dirty Talk Prompt: @downanddirtydean 's 500 follower celebration challenge: “The internet is more than just naked people. You do know that?” - Congrats on the milestone babe! 

“The internet is more than just naked people. You do know that – right?”

Jared jumps in his chair as Jensen comes up behind him on set. He had been scrolling through the SAXX website to stock up on a few necessities, which isn’t necessarily embarrassing, but still not something you want people looking over your shoulder while you’re doing. “They’re not naked, Jensen,” Jared scoffs, going back to adding more pieces to his cart. “And stop stealing my lines,” he adds as an afterthought when he realises that Jensen was quoting Sam to him.

“Okay, mostly naked,” Jensen laughs and leans over the back of Jared’s chair, their heads almost touching, but not quite.

“Dude, do you mind?” Jared chuckles and tries to put some space between him and his co-star.

“Yeah, I mind. Lemme see,” Jensen grabs for the phone and starts scrolling through Jared’s cart. “I want to pick something out.”

“Why? So you can steal them for yourself?” Jared grins.

“No, so I can tear them in half before I fuck you in them,” Jensen whisper-growls into Jared’s ear so no one else can hear him. Jared goes bright red, checking no one is near enough to overhear them. “What, you embarrassed baby boy? Don’t want everyone around here knowing a big, strong guy like you lets himself get fucked in the ass every night?” Jared is pretty sure he’s stopped breathing. “Don’t want them to know what a little whore you turn into the second I get you alone and on your knees?”

“Jesus, Jen, fuck,” Jared gulps and steadies himself, trying to get a handle on the erection that is starting to push a little too insistently against his zip. “Shove the dirty talk, will ya? We’ve got a whole other scene to film before they let us outta here.”

“So is that a yes to buying whatever I pick out?” Jensen smirks.

“Yes, fine,” Jared concedes and sinks back in his folding chair. “Just nothing pink, yeah?”

“Oh, I am one hundred percent buying you the pink ones now,” Jensen grins and Jared drops his head into his hands. Why is his boyfriend such a doofus?

Their little exchange is all but forgotten until Jared drops by his trailer and sees Jensen waiting on the steps for him, brown cardboard box in hand.

“Terri dropped off a package for you,” Jensen waves the box around in case it hadn’t been obvious to Jared what he meant. “I told her I’d be sure to give it to you,” he grins. Jared’s heart skips, knowing exactly what is in that box. Well – not exactly what is in the box. He knows everything he added to his cart before Jensen got hold of his phone, but Jen hit ‘purchase’ before he passed it back, and deleted the receipt, so there was no way for Jared to figure out what Jensen had ordered.

“Why do I feel like there’s a decent chance you’ve hidden a bomb in here,” Jared asks as he gingerly takes the package from Jensen and pushes into his trailer.

“Because you’re weird,” Jen laughs, staying on the pavement. “They need me for blocking checks but we’re done in time for dinner if you’re free?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Jared nods.

“And, Jar–” Jared turns back around at Jensen’s call. “I count on seeing you in those tonight.”

“Which ones?” Jared calls back, a feeble attempt at a joke.

“Oh, you’ll know which ones,” Jensen laughs, and Jared can feel the hunger in it. He gives Jared a perfunctory salute and makes his way back to the soundstage, leaving Jared with his new package.

As soon as the trailer door is shut, Jared tears into the box. The relief he feels upon not seeing any pink is immediate, but it’s closely followed by suspicion about what Jensen actually did buy him. He quickly skims through the items and finds the culprit – a pair of black briefs that are really testing the limit of the definition of ‘briefs’. Jared is positive that these will barely cover any part of his body, and when he tries them on a few minutes later, his suspicions are confirmed. He looks like a hooker in a g-string. Almost certain that he is going to regret this later, Jared pulls his jeans back on over the new underwear and gets redressed.

When Jared and Jensen stumble back into their shared apartment later that night, very much worse for wear courtesy of the new whiskey bar downtown that Misha recommended to them, Jared had mostly forgotten that he’s wearing ridiculously skimpy underwear. Jensen, on the other hand, hasn’t been able to get the image of Jared in the tight black briefs he’d bought him out of his head – and now he wants to see if the real thing measures up to his imagination.

“Right, J-rod,” Jensen claps once to get Jared’s attention and points to their bedroom, “bedroom, strip, now.”

“Romantic Jay,” Jared grins dopily but does as he’s told.

“Trust me, ain’t nothing romantic about what I’m planning on doing to that ass of yours,” Jensen laughs and follows Jared, catching the recently-shed flannel Jared flings down the hallway at him.

“Bettin’ on it,” Jared smiles, stripping out of his t-shirt in the doorway to their room and dropping it to his feet. Jensen can see the waistband of Jared’s underwear peeking above his jeans, the little ‘SAXX’ right in the centre of the deliciously cut vee of Jared’s hips. Jensen wants nothing more than to run his tongue along the line straight to Jared’s cock – and then he realises there’s nothing stopping him, so he drops to his knees in front of his boyfriend and does just that. He drags his tongue across Jared’s skin, smiling when he hears his intake of breath, and moves lower and lower until he reaches the ‘SAXX’ label and sucks it into his mouth. Jared jumps when Jensen lets it go and the elastic snaps back against his stomach. “Jerk,” he whines.

“Shuddup ‘Sam’,” the intonation is heavy in Jensen’s words and he drops into his ‘Dean’ voice, grinning as he undoes the button and zip on Jared’s jeans, tugging them down harshly and leaving him bare except for the skimpy underwear. “Unless you want me to make you my bitch tonight?” Jensen uses his Dean voice again as he leans into mouth against the erection straining in Jared’s briefs, the black cotton bulging so much Jensen’s surprised Jared actually fit himself inside them in the first place – now he was hard they barely cover anything.

Jared moans at the feeling of Jensen’s mouth against his cock. Something about getting sucked off through fabric always hits a bit differently than just having someone’s mouth on your dick, and right now, with Jensen suckling intently on the tip of his dick through his briefs, this is hitting exactly the right spot for Jared. “Fuck,” he whimpers, threading his fingers through Jensen’s hair, “Jen, you know if you want me to be your bitch, all ya gotta do is ask,” Jared pants, looking down to meet Jensen’s eyes, which are smirking up at him from where he still has his lips wrapped around Jared’s dick.

Jensen pulls off of Jared with a grin and gets to his feet. “Yeah I know, baby boy,” he coos and pulls Jared in for a heated kiss, tongue pushing its way between Jared’s lips, hot and wet. “Now, be a good little bitch and go get yourself ready for me, yeah?” Jensen smirks as he watches Jared nod and trip over his own feet in an effort to get to the bed quickly. He gets the lube out from the nightstand and goes to take off his underwear but Jensen hurries over to stop him. “Nuh uh, sweetheart. Keep those on for me,” Jensen orders with his hand clenched around Jared’s wrist.

“Sure,” Jared gulps, wide eyed, and moves his now slick fingers behind him and sneaks his hand beneath the waistband of his briefs to find his entrance. Jensen watches Jared hungrily as he fingers himself open, undressing all the while; plaid, then t-shirt, then jeans, then boxers – all one by one dropping to the floor. Jared moans when Jensen starts to stroke his own cock, admiring the drop of precum that’s already spilling over the dark pink tip. “C-can I?” Jared stutters, eyes locked on Jensen’s fingers moving slowly up and down himself.

“Yeah, c’mere baby,” Jensen kneels on the bed and shuffles closer so Jared can reach him with his mouth. The second he’s near enough, Jared sucks Jensen between his lips, running his tongue along the underside all the way to the hilt, until his nose is pressed snuggly against Jensen’s hip. “Fuck, forgot how much of a cockslut you are when you’re drunk,” Jensen chuckles deeply, combing Jared’s hair back off his forehead so he can watch him start to move up and down on his dick. “That’s it baby. Shit, your mouth feels so good,” he groans, closing his eyes and bucking his hips into Jared’s eager throat. “Such a good little slut letting me fuck your mouth while you finger that ass open for me. Got you wrapped around my little finger don’t I, bitch?” Jared moans around the cock in his mouth but Jensen doesn’t let up enough for him to get a proper answer out. “Yeah, thought so,” he scoffs.

Jared hums and moans around Jensen’s cock as he continues to finger himself. He’s definitely stretched and slick enough now, but he loves the feeling of Jensen using him like this, so he’s not gonna stop until Jensen tells him that’s what he wants him to do. After a few more minutes of Jensen fucking his throat, Jared feels him start to tense and jerk, and he knows Jen is close.

“Stop, stop, fuck baby,” Jensen groans, pulling Jared off his cock by his hair, and drawing a whine from the younger man. “Don’t want me to cum before I get the chance to fuck that ass, do you?” Jared shakes his head weakly, still pushing his fingers lazily in and out of his hole. He whimpers when he pulls his fingers out, and Jensen smirks down at him as he tries to once again take off the pair of SAXX. Jensen catches Jared’s wrists and holds them behind his back, pushing him onto his stomach. “I didn’t say you could take those off,” he growls against Jared’s ear, nipping at the skin and pulling another whimper out of him. Jensen sits up, keeping Jared’s wrists pinned in one of his hands while he reaches for the lube with the other to slick up his cock. “Your ass looks so good in these baby, look like such a little tease.” He lands a harsh slap against Jared’s backside, making Jared jump and cry out. “Imagine if all those fans saw more than just the label peeking out over your jeans, saw what a big man whore you look like with nothing but these on.”

“Jen, please,” Jared groans, humping against the bed to try to get some kind of friction or relief. “You want me to beg, I’ll beg, please for the love of God, put your cock inside me.” Jensen just laughs and spanks Jared again, even harder this time. “C’mon Jen, please, need you,” Jared pants, looking over his shoulder to catch Jensen’s eye. The desperation on his face is clear as he moans – “Need something inside me, please Jay.”

“You need something inside you baby boy?” Jensen sympathises, relinquishing his grip on Jared’s wrists, but the look of mischief in Jensen’s eyes makes Jared nervous.

“Yes, fuck, please,” Jared begs again.

“We can fix that,” Jensen smirks, reaching forward to grip just under the waistband of Jared’s briefs and wrenching the seam apart, the underwear ripping easily under Jensen’s violent influence. Pieces of the briefs come away in Jensen’s hand and he grins, getting an idea. Eyeing the shine of Jared’s hole, Jensen gathers some of the lube leaking out and smears it over the cotton, which is already damp with lube and Jared’s precum where his cock had been leaking. Bunching up the sopping cloth, Jensen pushes a finger into Jared to check he was still adequately open, then he shoves the torn material inside.

Jared chokes on his moans in surprise at what he’s feeling. The ball of cotton is pressing just against his prostate and it’s a very weird sensation but he can’t deny it feels good. “Fuck Jen,” he groans, pushing off his stomach and onto his hands and knees. Jensen lets out his own groan when he sees Jared’s hole winking up at him, showing him glimpses of the black cotton he’d just shoved inside him. He ruts his cock along the seam of Jared’s ass, catching the tip on the edge of his hole and dragging groans from both men. Jensen can’t hold himself back anymore, and he finally pushes himself into Jared, moving agonisingly slowly to tease the younger man as much as possible.

“You dick,” Jared pants, dropping his head to rest against his arms and pushing his hips back into Jensen’s cock, forcing him the rest of the way inside.

“Someone’s eager,” Jensen tries to keep his tone light, but now that he’s inside Jared, who keeps clenching his ass around his cock in an effort to get him to do something, he’s lost the majority of his composure.

“Just fucking fuck me already,” Jared hisses, bucking his hips back again. Jensen is tempted to make Jared wait, and beg for it – tease him until he’s crying in desperation – but he knows even he won’t last that long. As he draws out and snaps his hips back in, the tip of his cock brushes against the cotton he’s shoved into Jared and the sensation is electrifying. The little bit of slick friction just on the tip of his cock every time he fucks into Jared is so fucking good, he can’t get enough, and his pace turns frantic quickly. “Fucking hell, fuck yes,” Jared moans beneath him, spurring him on even more. “You fuck me so fucking good baby, shit, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’–” Jared’s words trail off into unintelligible whimpers as Jensen pounds into him mercilessly.

“Yeah, fucking love how good you take it baby. Gonna cum on my cock like a good little whore? My good little bitch, huh?” Jensen grits out breathlessly, draping himself over Jared’s back and angling his hips so he knows he’s dragging his cock over Jared’s sweet spot with every push in.

“Fuck, please, please,” Jared whimpers, turning his face to Jensen’s and clumsily trying to press their lips together. “I– I’m.. fuck,” Jared keens and Jensen growls his approval against his ear.

“C’mon, cum for me baby boy, wanna feel you cum,” Jensen snarls and he feels Jared let go, his hole spasming around Jensen’s cock as he empties himself in long white ropes onto the bed beneath them. Feeling Jared lose control is all that Jensen needs to go over the edge himself. He finally lets himself cum, grunting as he slams his hips into Jared one last time and stills, the tip of his cock pressed against the ball of black cotton still nestled inside Jared, now covered in Jensen’s cum. That thought brings a satisfied smirk to Jensen’s lips.

When their breathing has settled, Jensen carefully pulls out of Jared and rolls off of him, collapsing on the bed. Jared drops on top of him, nestling into Jensen’s chest and giving him a small kiss.

“That was really hot Jen,” Jared smiles drunkenly – though whether he’s drunk on whiskey or his orgasm, Jensen can’t tell.

“Just like you, baby boy,” Jensen says softly, kissing the top of Jared’s head.

“But,” Jared says shiftily, glancing up at Jensen.

“But?” Jen prompts, defensively.

“How am I supposed to get this fucking underwear out of my ass?”

Tag List: @vulgar-library @tintentrinkerin @negans-lucille-tblr @fandomfic-galore @petitgateau911 @whoreforackles @schaefchenherde @kickingitwithkirk @little-diable @laxe-chester67 @kassyscarlett @delightfullykrispypeach @05supernatural20 @akshi8278 @deandreamernp @lyarr24 @lovealways-j @stoneyggirl @walkersbabygirl @austin-winchester67​ 

[raleighcarrera]

outpoint

foreign affairs | m!blaine hayes x mc (kennedy monroe)

a cut scene from chapter 4; after dionne’s party, blaine and kennedy work on their project a little bit and then not at all.

catch up: knockout (E) / on the ropes (T)

tagging: @pixeljazzy ; @zigtheeortega ; @pixelsandkink ; @writinghereandthere ; @choicesarehard ; @natesewell ; @flyawayboo ; @withbeautyandrage ; @blainehellyes

~3.3k words | T

it would be easier not to be seen together if not for the fact that they’re no where near done with their project. in fact, they’ve barely even started.

there’s also the added complication of their less-than-platonic relationship; they’re far from just classmates, or even friends. 

everything feels like it’s gotten out of control so quickly.

but he hadn’t planned for this. he’d agreed to go to vancross because it was that or the campaign trail; when he’d first arrived on campus, blaine had expected to coast through his classes, party until he forgot how pissed off at his parents he was and wait out the boring political drama unfolding back home with a few more years of school.

he hadn’t expected her. 

to their credit, his father’s advisors had done their best to warn him. still, he’d slept through so many briefings before packing up and heading out that he lost count -- going to vancross was supposed to be a reprieve from being blaine hayes, a chance to get out from under his parents’ noses. the first daughter of rutherland was a nonissue, hardly part of the equation at all.

...then he’d met her, and she’d called him a jackass with that cute little challenging sparkle in her eyes, and a part of him that had long since been quiet slowly stirred awake again.

and now he’s here: playing it so cool that kennedy is clearly starting to doubt whether he even likes her at all, fidgety and tense where she’s doing her very best to pretend to be engrossed in her textbook, sitting right beside him on the couch in her suite. 

her bodyguard is definitely glaring at him, too. 

blaine looks away, clearing his throat and nudging kennedy with his shoulder. “hey,” he murmurs, voice purposefully low, “i think i found something.”

it’s only when she blinks at him curiously that he realizes he has absolutely nothing at all to offer her and only wanted an excuse to break the silence between them. he points to a random passage in the book in his lap. “we can use this for our argument.”

kennedy looks down at the section he’s indicated and then stares back at him as though he’s one of the dumbest people she’s ever had the displeasure of talking to. rather than wilt under the disappointment in her eyes, he only smiles charmingly back at her, until she heaves a sigh and says, “maybe you should just work on our citations.” 

god, no. anything but that. panicked, he grabs for the book she’s holding before she can retreat silently into its pages, burying her nose in the spine and refusing to look at him like she has been for the last hour. “look,” he starts, tongue darting out to wet his lips. the sudden spike of nervousness that flares up within him is... new, to say the least. he needs a plan. “can we talk privately for a minute?”

she looks past him, quirking an eyebrow at her bodyguard. there’s a beat or two of silent communication between them that makes him feel uneasy and a sharp twist of her mouth before he hears the front door open and shut, and then they’re alone.

blaine exhales, jumping to his feet. “okay -- come on.” 

he crosses the room without waiting for a response from her, prying open one of the windows in her kitchen. his head leans out to judge the distance to the cobblestones beneath them; it’ll be a bit of a jump, but he’s had worse. when he looks back at kennedy, she’s still blinking at him owlishly. “uh, what are you doing?”

“we’re ditching your bodyguard,” he grins, more confidently than he feels. it is kind of funny how she’s looking at him, like he just suggested a bank heist. “come on. he’ll be back any second.”

kennedy glances at the front door, then rushes over to meet him at the window. “but -- why -- we’re supposed to be working on our project.”

he arches his eyebrows at her, unimpressed. “and we’re obviously not making any headway. plus, i can tell you’re distracted, and since i’m pretty sure that’s my fault... i want to fix it.” well, those are words he’s almost definitely never said to anyone before. to cover up his own surprise at himself, and how uncomfortably true they ring, he widens his grin and asks, “don’t you trust me?”

as soon as she leans around him to peer down at the length of the drop, he knows he’s won. “not enough to go first.”

blaine winks at her before deciding to hell with it, leaning out the window and jumping down to the ground, wincing when his shoes slam against the pavement. fuck. that probably wasn’t worth a shot at impressing her.

though it is worth being in the perfect position to catch her, when she slips from the windowsill and straight into his arms, windswept and adorable. her trip down had been clumsy and imprecise, with all the grace of someone who had probably never snuck out of anywhere before. 

before he can stop himself, he lifts a hand to her face to brush her hair back behind her ear. she smiles at him, as his fingertips graze her temple, and for a moment it’s like they both forget who and where they are.

it’s terrifying. 

he sets kennedy down on her feet as quickly as he can, reaching for her wrist to tug her through the courtyard. “come on.”

“where are we going?” she asks, stumbling to catch up with him, “and -- slow down, jesus. i can’t run in these shoes. no one’s chasing us, anyway.”

right. he knows that. he’s done this plenty of times -- evaded his own security detail so frequently he could probably do it in his sleep. he’s snuck plenty of pretty girls around behind guards, including this pretty girl just a few days ago. there’s no reason he should be off his game now.

blaine shakes his head at himself and then slows to a stop, finally dropping kennedy’s wrist back to her side. “well, you can’t ever be too sure,” he muses, pleased to find that they’re definitively alone, no other students or faculty or wayward paparazzi following behind them. “but you’re off the grid, now. how’s it feel?”

kennedy pauses, then unleashes a blinding grin that’s a little bit dazzling. “i see why you do this all the time.”

he hums his agreement, trying not to stare at her smile. “we’re not even at our final destination yet.”

she makes an interested noise that he tries not to find sexy and fails. no one ever said he didn’t have a one-track mind. “where are we going?”

“you’ll see,” blaine promises, his own smirk sharpening as soon as they reach the gate and his hands find it unlocked. some state-of-the-art security.

kennedy falters beside him as he holds the wrought-iron out wide for her. “we didn’t fill out any paperwork.”

that’s true. but it would’ve been impossible to ask for permission when the plan was still only half-baked in his mind, sprung into being just twenty minutes ago. “we’ll be back before anyone notices,” he assures her, “except maybe your shadow.”

kennedy rolls her eyes, but his teasing does the trick. she saunters out of the gate with him without a glance back. “tatum’s just doing his job.”

“right,” blaine scoffs, “that’s all he’s doing.” 

there’s a pause that feels just a touch too long before kennedy carefully asks, “what do you mean?” 

“i mean --” he adopts the most casual tone of voice he can muster. it still feels like not enough, making him instantly regret dancing around this topic of conversation. “it just seems like there’s something else going on between you two.”

yep. kennedy smirks wide, as obviously delighted as any one person can look. he should’ve seen that coming. “is that so?”

“don’t be smug,” he mutters, hunching his shoulders in when a group of random strangers walk past them on the sidewalk. 

“no, i’m going to,” kennedy argues, looking unfairly cute as she does the same, mimicking his movements. god, he hates her. “tell me, what do you think is going on between us?”

“only if you tell me why you’ve been so quiet,” he fires back, leading them off down a side street. “you’ve been weird ever since we got back from pavadena.”

“i have not,” kennedy insists immediately, though when he looks her way again while they wait for the light to change so they can cross the street he sees she’s biting down anxiously on her bottom lip. “i’m not even supposed to be seen with you.”

“i know.” he’s not, either. yet here they both are, in broad daylight together, in the middle of town. “so?”

“so, i’m risking a lot, and it’s like, for what? you didn’t even -- you’ve barely spoken to me, too.” she looks embarrassed by the admission, avoiding his gaze while she stares at the sidewalk instead. “when other people are around, you act like... it’s nothing. me and you.”

blaine frowns. it’s unexpected, how hurtful it is to hear her say that in the soft tone of voice she’s using, uncertain and uncomfortable. she shouldn’t sound like that. “isn’t that what you want?”

she sighs, hesitating for a moment before opening her mouth again. “i --” kennedy cuts off abruptly, leaning to the side to peer around his shoulder. with a sheepish shrug, he realizes they’ve reached their destination, and that kennedy’s stopped talking because of the music playing, trying its best to lure them across the street and into the carnival. “oh my god,” she laughs, her whole face transforming from shy to excited so quickly it makes his head spin, “how did you know this was here?”

her reaction is worth any potential disaster waiting for them back on campus. it might even be worth the ass kicking that’s definitely heading his way from that surly bodyguard of hers, too. “doesn’t matter. come on.”

they jog across the street with their heads down, though as soon as they’re actually on the fairgrounds he realizes there’s no need to look over their shoulders; it’s the middle of the day and the carnival is pretty much empty, a wayward toddler being chased by an au pair the only other sign of life on the premises besides a few bored looking workers hanging out of their booths. 

“god, i haven’t been to something like this in ages,” kennedy gushes, already dragging him over to a big table marked tickets. “this is amazing.”

the thing is -- he knows exactly what she means. growing up like they did, being who they are, it’s impossible to do anything normal. he can’t remember the last time he had an afternoon out that was as mundane as this one, either. even date night with his last girlfriend had become a production; nothing was ever just dinner and a movie.

instead of acknowledging her gratitude, he shoves her out of the way with his shoulder and opens his wallet for the most tickets the teenager behind the counter will give him. kennedy completely ignores him while he pays, twisted around to look out over the fairgrounds, cataloging every offering with wide, overeager eyes. somehow she makes this traveling carnival that’s absolutely seen better days feel like a luxury destination, and as he passes the tickets over to her blaine finds that his smile is tough to dampen, despite his best efforts to keep his expression contained.

they burn through a good chunk of the tickets throwing baseballs at milk bottles -- mostly because kennedy insists she can knock down more than he can, and that simply won’t do. he refuses to stop until he’s won her the biggest prize they have available, an obnoxiously pink stuffed elephant with giant, floppy ears. 

fortunately, there’s still enough tickets left for the fun house and the photo booth and every other stupid thing she wants to do that he pretends to hate but doesn’t, until eventually the sun’s starting to set and he knows their afternoon out is coming to an end. 

“we should head back,” blaine suggests regretfully, watching her pick her way through the giant cotton candy he probably shouldn’t have bought for her with a mix of disgust and pride. “we’ve been gone awhile.”

“have we?” kennedy blinks, as though she’s only now noticing how late it’s gotten. “ugh. one more ride -- i have to finish this.”

“you don’t,” he remarks with amusement, noting the tips of her dyed-blue fingers even as they walk off indulgently towards the only ride they’ve yet to approach. “you can just throw it out.”

“that’s quitter’s talk,” she says through a mouthful of melting sugar, chewing with her cheeks bulged out while blaine uses the last of their tickets to get them onto the ferris wheel, which is completely abandoned except for the two of them, as far as he can tell. 

once the door is shut and they take off it’s the most alone they’ve been in awhile. the last time they were this secluded was in the kitchen in pavadena, when he’d licked frosting off her fingers and she’d looked at him like maybe she wanted him to kiss her, too -- like maybe she wanted even more than that.

sort of like how she’s looking at him now, doe eyes wide and nervous, the cogs of her mind very clearly turning into overdrive behind them.

it seems so obvious, now, staring at her in the cart. of course she’d wanted him to kiss her on dionne’s birthday. she’d dressed up, searching for a sincere compliment that she hadn’t gotten and invited him to dance in the hopes that if she made the first move he’d make the finishing one, like they’d done before. and he hadn’t even realized it.

so -- he probably is as stupid as everyone thinks he is. 

the ferris wheel creaks around them as they slowly ascend to the top, old machinery groaning while they climb higher and higher. it feels like it takes forever for him to sort his thoughts into a sentence that’s actually passable, but for once, he wants to be careful about what he says. “i didn’t mean to make you think i don’t care.”

he hears her inhale. kennedy flicks her gaze out at the view behind him, then bravely looks back at his face. “no?”

“no,” he confirms, shrugging helplessly again. “this is new to me.” even this conversation is beyond him.

but judging by the look on her face, he’s yet to colossally fuck up. that’s good. “me, too,” she admits, leaning in a little closer across the metal bench they’re both sitting on. “it’d be weird even if we weren’t... us.”

except that who they are has nothing to do with why this is so strange for him. kennedy could be from antartica, and he’d still be the unlucky bastard who finally met someone he thinks understands him and has botched talking to her about it at every opportunity. 

well, there’s one thing he knows he can still execute perfectly. as the ferris wheel glides to a stop for them to take in the view, the setting sun streaming in picturesquely through the little window in the cart, he leans in and kisses her, hands fanning out low over the small of her back.

kennedy tastes like cotton candy and her hands are sticky when they cup his face -- sticky like they would have been if he’d seen the signs for what they were and kissed her in pavadena like he’d wanted to, if he’d taken advantage of the rare moment alone in the way he was now, crowding her back into the corner of the cart with a grip that he knows is probably too tight.

but she kisses him back just as urgently as he’s kissing her, dragging him in closer and biting at his mouth. she’s kissing him like she’s been thinking about this, too -- like she’s found it even a fraction as all-consuming as he has, late at night when he can’t get to sleep and he’s staring at his ceiling cursing the absurdity of it all.

the moment is gone in the blink of an eye. the ferris wheel lurches back into motion with a sound that would be alarming if he wasn’t so distracted, the cart swaying in the wind as they slowly come down the other side of the circle.

she pulls away despite blaine’s best efforts to keep her in his personal space, his hands still firm on her hips. “blaine,” she murmurs, so prettily he actually has to shut his eyes -- just for a second -- just to catch his breath -- 

light spills into the cart as the door is wrenched open. they’re on the ground again, and there’s a line of kids waiting for their turn on the ride. going up had felt like forever, but the descent was done before he could even figure out what he wanted to say. 

they make their way back to the street silently. blaine is so lost in thought it takes him a minute to realize kennedy is on the phone, wincing and rushing to promise the world to whoever she’s talking to -- that they’d only run out for a little, that she was perfectly safe, that she’d be back soon. tatum, she mouths at him as soon as he catches her eye, though as she talks he finds it hard to do anything but stare at the blue corners of her mouth, where she probably still tastes like cloyingly sweet artificial sugar.

he half expects an ambush to be waiting for them at the vancross gates, but it’s quiet when they head back across the quad. after a few steps in the direction of kennedy’s dorm, blaine’s horrified to find that he’s dragging his feet, reluctant to let what was probably one of the better days of his adult life come to an end.

this is going to be a problem.

they stop on the side of her building, out of sight from any students who may be using the main entrance. kennedy clears her throat, then announces, “well... this was fun. consider me -- fixed. i think i’ll be able to get my head in the game, now.”

he should make a joke. she’s lobbed up the spike perfectly, all he has to do is hit it. he’s done it a thousand times before -- it should be as easy as breathing.

instead, he finds himself staring at her. blaine ignores what she’s said. “it’s not nothing.”

kennedy blinks. “huh?”

well -- saying it once was one thing. repeating it is something else entirely. he shoves his hands deep into his pockets, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. “you. this. it’s not nothing... to me.”

she’s smiled at him a lot since they’ve met, in pretty much every way imaginable: exasperated, fond, excited, alluring. none of them compare to the way she’s looking at him now, her whole face lit up with joy.

the kiss she presses to his cheek is soft, yet still so heavy. there’s a promise of something that makes him feel off-kilter weighted beneath it, and his stomach unknots as he realizes he’s said the right thing. “me either. goodnight, blaine.”

she disappears around the corner, pink elephant tucked up under her arm, half-finished bag of cotton candy dangling from her free hand. he watches her go, shaking his head at himself again and running his fingers through his hair once she’s out of sight.

ideally she’d be out of his mind, now, too, but he’s starting to realize there’s just about nothing that can make that happen and, if he’s being honest with himself, he doesn’t really want it, anyway.

you just went on a date, chirps an annoying little voice in the back of his mind. 

huh.

so he did.

for the first time since he came to this stupid school, blaine whistles on the way back to his room.

[talesofesther]

Anchor - Part 2

Five Hargreeves x Reader

Masterlist with the other parts

See part one for important notes 

A/N: since so many people liked the first part, I'm posting part two a little earlier ♥. Also, I'm sorry that this chapter is a little bit smaller than the first one, but I wanted it to end where it did. If you wanna be added to the tag list, let me know.

"Jesus, who designed this fucking house?" Y/N muttered to herself.

She has been walking around the mansion for the past ten minutes or so, but it seemed a lot more than that. After their little breakfast reunion Klaus took Y/N to his room where he was insistent he wanted to learn how to knit, she presumed it was to keep his mind busy. She intended to leave the house because honestly, she felt like she was intruding. But if Klaus's begging was anything to go by, she was forced to stay.

And right now Y/N's after a bathroom. Klaus did offer to show her where it was, but she assumed the big house was filled with them so of course, she said "I can handle it".

She couldn't.

And for her luck, after turning what felt like the 100th corner, she bumped into someone.

"Oh god I'm so sorry" after Y/N backed away from the person she just collided with, she looked up to see a not so amused Five looking down at her.

The boy just adjusted his clothes, took a deep breath, and muttered "it's alright".

Ever since Y/N was a little girl, she was observant. She might be quiet sometimes, but she was always aware of the little things going on around her. And when Five clutched his side a little uncomfortably, she didn't fail to notice.

"Are you hurt? Is everything okay?" The girl's voice was timid but somehow demanding. And for the first time, she eyed Five up and down without an ounce of nervousness.

Five looked down at his side and then back up at the girl, he couldn't understand why her eyes showed genuine concern. For a stranger, for him.

"It's nothing. What are you looking for?" His voice was as serious as it was this morning, if not more. His eyes remaining on her.

Y/N let out a huff of air "a bathroom, I think I passed through every room in this house twice but I couldn't find one".

That made a tiny smirk appear on the boy's face, he was so used to this house that he forgot how it could be a literal maze for strangers. "Just go down this hallway, turn left and then enter the first door to your right. You'll get there"

Five was definitely not expecting the bright smile that appeared in Y/N's face when she said "Thank you". It made him gulp and avert his gaze from her eyes. The weird feeling in his stomach was back.

"No problem" he tucked his hands on the pockets of his shorts, his mouth forming a thin line and he only looked at her again when she walked past him to go down the hallway. As he watched her retreating figure he shook his head and told himself to snap out of it. Someone as tainted as him, shouldn't even deserve to be friends with someone like her, let alone...

He stopped his own dangerous thoughts.

_________

It's been a while that Y/N was once again chilling with Klaus in his room, they were both sitting in his comfy bed, sometimes they would talk but it was mostly a comfortable silence. Besides the fact that his room was a bit of a mess, it was actually very cozy, Y/N particularly liked the Christmas lights hanging around his walls. They made her happy.

But a sudden knock made her raise her head towards the door.

"Get up you two, we're going" Five walked in, seemingly agitated. Y/N furrowed her brows.

"Where?" Klaus stopped messing with his wool ball and glanced up at Five as well.

"Save the world"

"Oh is that all? Great" Klaus's comment made Y/N chuckle, she adored this man. Five shot a glance at her and in less than a minute they were already heading out.

But just outside Klaus's room, they ran into a man running inside another one of the rooms. Y/N was about to say something but Five beat her to it.

"Where have you been?"

"Jail, long story. Where's Luther?" The man answered and Y/N made a face that could only be read as 'what the fuck'. Honestly, this family has no limit.

"Haven't seen him since breakfast" Five answered him like this was just another normal day. And just now Y/N noticed he was standing right beside her.

The man finally came out of his room, putting on some kind of vest. "Shit, Allison is in danger". Just then he noticed the girl between Five and Klaus, looking at her with a questioning look.

Y/N noticed. "I'm- I'm Y/N"

"She's my friend, new addition to our little team" Klaus said as a matter of fact.

"Huh, I'm Diego" he didn't seem to mind her all that much, none of them did actually. For the most part, she was glad.

"So you- you know..." Diego asked while he did the last buttons of his vest.

Y/N let a small smirk appear on her face. "Everything, basically. I had a... A very insightful night with Klaus, about the end of the world apparently" she finished for him.

Five gave a side look at the girl. He was still figuring out if he was happy, upset, or sad that she got involved in all of this.

Next thing Y/N knew she was inside a car, apparently going after Luther. They found him in a bar, and just by seeing him sitting there all alone feeling sorry for himself, the girl almost felt sad herself.

Diego insisted on talking with the big guy alone, so the trio walked back and leaned on some tables. While they were walking Y/N couldn't help but notice that Five was limping, a lot. So she leaned a bit closer to him and asked. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Five felt her inching closer to him, he could almost feel her body heat on his own skin. It made him shiver, made his heartbeat just a little bit faster, his body was tense and for the first time in years he was afraid his voice would betray him. Why does she worry so much? What is happening to him?

"I already told you I am fine" that came out probably more harsh than he intended to, but he had to stop whatever it was that she was doing with him.

"Okay, I was just worried" she answered, putting more distance between them than there was before.

Five wanted to ask why, but he held himself back.

Not long after, Luther was rushing out of the bar, almost breaking the door in the process.

_________

They were all once again in the car, this time Y/N was in the front seat while Five drove and the other three siblings sat very close to each other in the back. Luther looked like he was too big for everything.

Y/N's gaze was focused on the passing landscape outside of the window almost the entire drive. She was almost sure Five didn't like her, not one bit. Or at the very least he was annoyed by her presence. She was just trying to be nice, and in her defense, she was genuinely concerned about his well-being. The guy was limping, what was she supposed to do? At least ask if he's okay right?

The girl rubbed her eyes and forced a stop to her thoughts, it wasn't worth it. She knew nothing about any of them, and it was probably better to stay that way.

"Can you go any faster?" Luther's voice caught her attention, but she didn't turn her head.

"Ask me again and I'll burn you with the cigarette lighter" this boy was definitely something else.

_________

It wasn't long after they all reached a cabin in the middle of the woods. Luther rushed out of the car just as fast he rushed out of the bar earlier. The other siblings followed shortly after so Y/N went in as well.

The sight inside the cabin squeezed her heart with an unpleasant feeling. There was a woman on the ground, Y/N presumed it was Allison, she seemed to have a deep cut on her neck and the ground already had a pool of her blood.

Luther held the woman close to him, saying things to her with his broken voice. It seemed like his whole world had crumbled. Y/N knew the feeling.

***

Thank you for reading ♥ the next part should be out soon. And if you have any idea about how this story should progress or anything you would like to see in it, please send me an ask or message and I’d be happy to include it. ♥