#jesthias

[jackwolfes]

Jesthias [Referenced Helnik/unrequited Kazper] // Six of Crows // 2241 words // M rated @kinktober2023 Day 3: Hate Sex Bonus warnings: light daddy kink (mostly mocking)

[all kinktober fills]

The forearm pressing against his collarbone smarts, and Jesper knows it’ll probably bruise. 

He breathes in and laughs about it, but it hurts, too — and he likes it. He really fucking likes it. When he grins it’s slow and filthy, but the stern glare Matthias sends him in response stays still like solid stone. The room around them is dark, lit only by the secretive glint of the lights outside. The windows up here aren’t thick enough to block out the noise, but Jesper can’t differentiate any of the roaring laughter of drunks on the street with his own rushing pulse, slamming repeatedly in the corners of his mind. 

“Could’ve bought me dinner first,” he tells Matthias. Then he grins, wide enough that — hopefully — the light catches the glint of his teeth.

“Be quiet,” Matthias scolds. 

Jesper thinks it’s almost funny to be scolded when he has his back up against the wall and the bulge of Matthias Helvar’s cock against his thigh. He wasn’t hard when Jesper first started needling him in the bar downstairs, but they aren’t downstairs anymore. They’re in the cramped little storeroom up here, allegedly finding something for Kaz, but neither of them are stupid enough to believe that. 

So Jesper tips his chin up, back of his head hitting the wall as he feels the pinch of Matthias’ arm holding him up against it. “Whatever you want,” he whispers with a cocky smile, “daddy.” 

The shudder Matthias gives him in response is full body, paired with a red flush spreading along his face, his neck, the peeking hint of chest that Jesper can see in his sinfully hot shirt. It’s buttoned high, but not high enough. 

He grins, like the cheeky little bastard he is. There’s laughter following, and laughter that makes the tiny thrust of his hips up against Matthias’ thigh a lot dirtier. In response he gets the forearm against his collarbone pressing harder. Jesper wonders absently if he’s going to end up bruised. Oh, he certainly hopes so. 

He wriggles a little, squirming and writhing and getting close to moaning – not because Matthias has done anything, just because he’s desperate. 

“You dirty fucker,” Jesper drawls, voice slow. He very badly wants to take them back on track. 

“Be quiet,” Matthias repeats again. Jesper laughs again, which leaves Matthias shoving harder again. “I said, be quiet.” 

Jesper darts his eyes between icy blue eyes and a perpetual scowl, lips he wants to have kiss him hard into the wall at his back. “Make me,” he murmurs.

He knows the world sees him and thinks he’s a slut. It’s not hard to see. It’s not hard to guess, either, with his slow grins and the lazy tilt of his hips. He tips his chin up at anyone that smiles – because he’s a whore, because he's desperate, because he needs – but he doesn’t think he actually ever means anything by it. He wants a very particular person that isn’t Matthias Helvar, a person Jesper wants to pin him up against a wall and hurt him too, but he can’t have that — so he spreads his legs and welcomes Matthias in with greedy lips and wine-stained promises. 

Only the Saints know what Jesper is thinking at any given time. What he knows now is that he kind of wants Matthias begging. 

Matthias doesn’t beg; of course he doesn’t. He leans back, though, releasing Jesper just for a second before picking up his thin wrist in cold hands and pinning it hard to the wall beside his head. Jesper feels himself inhale sharply. Fuck. 

Then he slams his lips against Jesper’s and starts to kiss him. 

It’s a bit wild and full of teeth, tongue, spit and split lips — nearly, at least. Maybe Jesper is getting ahead of himself, maybe he’s hoping. All the same he bites down hard on Matthias’ bottom lip and hopes for retribution, arching his back and starting to rock his hips up into the ones pressing him to the wall. Jesper has to wonder how Matthias thinks the world sees him. Brutish, angry, bitter, cold. None of it’s right, although maybe he’s leaning into some of that now for Jesper’s sake. There’s a bitter taste at the back of his tongue at the thought. He just wants Matthias. He always wants just Matthias. A friend, although there’s animosity. A friend, all the same. He wants the man that’s clearly pining with a fierce passion for someone, too, leaving the two of them sides of the same coin. Mistaken for something they aren’t; desperate for scraps of affection; denied the people they really want.  

Matthias doesn’t say who exactly it is that he’s pining after, although Jesper has his suspicions. He doesn’t pull them out, even on nights like this — which happen more and more each passing week, tensions growing between them till they snap like twigs and lead to one of them with their mouth full. It’s usually mouths, or hands, but never more. Jesper has his suspicions about why that is, too. 

When Matthias pulls away — not letting go of Jesper’s wrist — they both gasp. Aware it makes him look desperate but not stopping it, Jesper tries to lean in for another kiss, but Matthias doesn’t grant it, even when Jesper grumbles. “I fucking hate you,” he whispers. Matthias’ iron glare doesn’t melt, doesn’t bend. “Come on, Helvar. Get me off or let me go.” 

And he’s a fucking dick, in Jesper’s opinion, but he isn’t stupid; they’re both here for one thing. He squeezes his grip around Jesper’s wrist, fingernails digging in even though Jesper thinks he probably didn’t mean for them to. Then he takes his other hand — the one that came up to rest on Jesper’s hip, not shoving him back in the wall so much as it was just there to hold him, unfortunately — and uses it to fumble with the lace of Jesper’s trousers.

“Stop moving,” Matthias tells him. Jesper doesn’t listen. 

“There’s lube in my front pocket,” he replies. “Don’t need a condom if you want to fuck me.” 

Ice-cold eyes lift to look at Jesper, bitter as ever. “I won’t,” he says, voice firm and a little disappointing. 

“Prude,” Jesper breathes. He kind of means it. He mostly doesn’t. “Want me to fuck you instead? Is that what it is? Is that your big dirty secret?”

He sees fire in Matthias’ eyes, dangerous depths — but every sort of fire is dangerous for a man that’s usually cold. “Ask Kaz for it if you want it so bad,” he replies. 

It burns like liquid metal. 

When Jesper was a teenager working with a gunsmith near his father’s farm there had been an incurable urge at the sight of molten iron, calling to him like a siren — do it, touch it, you want it — even though he knew how hot it was. He never touched it, not even by accident, but he saw the aftermath of metal burns. Years after the fact, when they were faded so smooth scars lined on dark skin of his mentor’s hands and arms, but smarting with the ache probably forever. 

Matthias speaks the name of a man Jesper pretends he hasn’t fallen for and it burns just as bad; Jesper will feel it for days. 

“Don’t,” he snaps, jerking away from Matthias’ touch. “Fucking don’t.”

He yanks on the grip holding his arm, hard enough to force Matthias to work at keeping him still. In his surprise at Jesper’s outburst his hands go slack, loose enough that he’s set free. On instinct Jesper shoves him, so hard that he stumbles, tripping over whatever the fuck this shitty storeroom is full of. Jesper glares at him. He can see regret in Matthias’ eyes but doesn’t bother feeling vindicated. He just feels angry. It’s hatred, except he isn’t strong enough to actually believe that it’s hatred, and just kind of feels sad about it. The one thing Jesper is sure that he does hate is the look of pity in Matthias’ eyes, so he steps into his space again, grabs the collar of his shirt, and yanks him back into a kiss. 

They stumble on their way back to the wall, slamming Jesper up against it one more time. Almost all of Matthias’ weight ends up pressing into his, forcing him flat but still managing to have the space to shove a hand between them and pull Jesper’s cock out of his trousers. Jesper bites his own bottom lip, too stubborn to moan, and sinks his teeth in harder to hold it back. Bloody iron bursts on his tongue, and he’d laugh at the irony of the fact he did it to himself. It doesn’t really matter. 

It hurts. He likes it. He starts to cry anyway. 

Matthias works his cock faster, faster, and Jesper feels tears spring up to the corner of his eye — maybe because he’s hurting or maybe because he feels really fucking excellent. He cries because it’s good, he cries because he’s hollow, he cries because there’s something in the back of his head that won’t let him do anything else. It’s a need, and he’s never been one to control his emotions. They swallow him whole. Just once — just once — he’d like to get ahead of the curve and hurt them first. He’s tired of them hurting him. He just wants control. With Matthias, he doesn’t have control, but he never gets it. With Matthias, he gives it up – or, more accurately, forces Matthias to take it. It’s what they both need, and Jesper is more than willing. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—!” 

With a fractured cry Jesper comes, hips stuttering and legs wobbling. His head drops and comes to rest on Matthias’ shoulder, which Jesper never usually does — but he can’t help himself. Matthias’ other hand has come up to rest on his hip again. As Jesper’s orgasm flickers away into fading sparks behind his eyelid he feels Matthias’ hand on him. It’s warm. 

Then Jesper’s legs go out from underneath him. 

If Matthias were any less startled Jesper likes to think he’d have caught him, but he doesn’t seem to have been expecting it. When Jesper’s knees wobble again he thinks for a moment it’s going to be temporary, but it isn’t. He crashes to the floor and, although Matthias’ hand does clench on his hip, it doesn’t keep him upright. With a groan, tinged in laughter, Jesper hits the ground. With his back against the wall it isn’t so bad, but it isn’t ideal. He kicks his legs out ahead of himself, dropping his head back with another thunk to hit the wall. 

To his credit, Matthias doesn’t force him upright again. He extracts himself from the tangled mess of long limbs, then lowers himself to sit back down at Jesper’s side. Not once does he comment on the heavy rise and fall of Jesper’s chest. Jesper doesn’t even have it in him to say something snarky about the fact it was his fault in the first place. 

“Give me a second,” he pants. Matthias tips his head, as noncommittal as he gets. The man doesn’t shrug, Jesper’s noticed. 

They sit together in almost-silence, both of them breathing and saying nothing. The sounds from out the cheap window filter through, although Jesper still isn’t quite able to make them out yet. He lifts a hand and touches his fingertips to his lip, staring at it when it comes away bloody. Shit. 

“It’s Nina.” 

Jesper lifts his head. Matthias isn’t looking at him, just staring out at the cramped room around them. “What?” 

“Nina Zenik. My big, dirty secret.” His voice is wry, and tastes like acid. Jesper blinks, looking at him with a blank sort of look as he tries to make sense of what Matthias means. He only barely remembers saying those words, but he does remember. They’d been mean. He’d meant for them to be, at least. 

“I thought you were gay,” he says. Matthias finally turns his head, looking quizzically at him. Jesper shrugs. “I thought I was your secret side piece while you dealt with all of the emotional repression you have going on.” 

To his surprise, he gets a laugh. “No,” he says easily. “I like women. Or — I like Nina.”

Jesper blinks, then narrows his eyes. “She’s wanted to fuck you for like, a year.” 

Unsurprisingly, Matthias only scowls. “It isn’t that simple.” 

“She wants to fuck you, you apparently aren’t too gay for it, and you want to fuck her back? What isn’t simple about it?”

Jesper has been pining after his best friend, sexuality unclear, for years now, but Matthias is calling this tricky? Incredulity sparks in his vision. Kaz only seems interested in money and revenge, except for the fact he leaves Jesper with just enough hope to keep wanting. But here’s Matthias, with a beautiful girl incredibly down to fuck that he just can’t get over himself enough to ask on a date. Matthias, who gives Jesper an even glare and says nothing further, which makes him scoff. He rubs a hand over his scalp, shaking his head. 

“Alright,” he says. “You know where I am until you get up the balls to do something about it.”

“I have no intention of doing anything about it anytime soon, you know.”

With nothing else to do for it, Jesper only laughs. “Saints help my stamina, then.”

[jackwolfes]

ty to @femboykaz for tagging!! (via @ americanbeautiies)

-

When did you post your first ever fanfic?

So the first thing I EVER posted was on FF.net in like, 2011. And it was really bad Hetalia fanfic (in my defence, I was literally 12). My history with fic writing is basically a cycle of on/off phases but I've been consistently "on" since mid-2020.

First characters you wrote for?

I flat out refuse to out myself for exactly who I wrote for at the very very start but I will say that I had bad taste and have always been a rarepair at heart (by which I mean fucking good luck guessing)

Main characters you currently write for?

still in the solid clutches of my Wylan & Jesper era 💃

Characters you haven't written about before but plan to write for soon?

So because girlfriend has decided I WILL be finishing BBC merlin with them whether I like it or not (I do like it) we've been watching a lot of it and....... 👀👀👀 By which I mean I have a semi long Merthur fic in the works that I'm hoping to finish for a kinktober prompt later this month! so just. every character in merlin ig because it's a totally new fandom for me.

Fandoms you currently write for?

Predominantly SOC but there's still a fair bit of red white and royal blue, and a few small WIPs for other fandoms (currently including: merlin, a marvellous light, percy jackson/solangelo, and one check please WIP I'm DETERMINED to finish one day)

Platonic pairings you currently write for?

I just sorta slot Kaz Inej and Nina into all my WIPs for wesper to be idiots with 😅 I'd like to write more platonic wynej & jesthias though

Romantic pairings you currently write for?

I'm slightly more varied than that but like. I'm not very adventurous at the minute 😅

Your three most used tags on AO3?

So only going with "additional tags" you have: Porn without Plot; Fluff; and post-canon, which is entirely unsurprising to me 😌

Your current platform for posting works?

ao3 @ demigodbeautiies & tumblr @ jackwolfes!

Snippet of something you're currently working on?

Here's a lil bit of sex shop au aka "that au where nur semi-intentionally made Wylan suuuuper autistic"

///

“No, it’s not—” Wylan blows out a breath. “Saints. I just don’t think I’m any good at being dominant. I’ve only subbed before you.”

Jesper blinks. "You're kidding."

Wylan squints at him. "No," he says, then furrows his eyebrows. "I'm really not good with sarcasm, Jesper."

///

Low pressure tags! @crowpricorn @oneofthewednesdays @deathless--aphrodite & anyone else that fancies 🥰

[jackwolfes]

3 6 9 for ao3 wrapped qs!

thank you! [questions]

3: What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Hands down have to say arranged marriage which still isn’t posted in full but is fully written this year. It’s more than twice the length of anything else I have ever written, it’s so complex and I am so! So proud of myself for it!

6: Favorite title you used

I liked the vibe of “flavour of the month” and specifically the fact that each chapter title was a new flavour that matched the in fic flavour of the month

9: Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

I feel like I have to say wesper for sheer volume alone 😂 but I also really liked writing the triangle of jesthias, Ninesper, and fahelnik, or possibly the sarchengsey specifically in the pynch fake dating so like. I guess I need to write more FMM threesomes 😂

[jackwolfes]

ao3 wrapped 17 18 28 29 20?

ty friend!!! [questions]

17: Your favorite character to write this year?

i think it's gotta be jesper because ive had SO MUCH FUN writing all the longform jesper POVs although! ive had some fun matthias helvar moments which were enjoyable. also gansey in this fic

18: The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

adam parrish i think 😅 there's just been. no consistency with writing him in any fic ive posted. or (and this is in a WIP) jack zimmermann who!! apparently!! is not easy to write!!

20: Which work of yours have you reread the most?

the probable answer is one of the long ones like mermaidlan or AM AU that ive had to edit a billion times. the horny answer is the (first) daddy kink fic

28: Favorite work you wrote this year?

i had a lot of fun writing a lot of them! i think again i have to pick AM AU because i wrote and edit it in full through this year. i also really liked writing this jesthias fic because i am a whore for those two

29: Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

again lots to pick from but i really really love this for some reason from strawberry ice cream: "He tracks eyes over freckles, over the inked on flower sitting pretty on the outside of Wylan's ribs just short of one curved scar arching along his chest. Jesper remembers when he got it, short weeks after the bandages fell away from his chest for the last time and his binders had been handed down, donated to some other boy that needed it now that he didn’t. A tulip; fantastically, effeminately pretty, inked onto his ribs forever and ever when he stopped having to worry about binders and bra straps. It’s not even as tall as Wylan’s pinky. What it is is small and sweet, a bit like Wylan, a splash of dark ink on pale skin. It was painful, apparently, and fantastically liberating."

[jackwolfes]

AH i love this!! and yeah i definitely agree, i love matthias as well:( he is such an interesting and beautiful character and he DOES have wholesome interactions with the others

to take this back to writing 👀 i have a jesper & matthias fic coming up soon (for @rarecrows-week) because their relationship is something i could talk about for fucking YEARS and not grow tired

“Oh!” Jesper says, “You’re calling me a slut.”

Matthias baulks. “I would never–” 

“You are,” Jesper laughs. “Well-versed in kissing a number of people,” he repeats. Matthias thinks he’s putting on a voice to mock him, and bristles. It still takes him more effort than he’d like to admit in not letting anger seep through his skin and move his body for him, but he’s trying. That’s what matters. He forces himself to breathe, and Jesper raises an eyebrow at him, still appraising him from his spot across the room.

“I did not mean to offend—“

“But you did,” Jesper says. 

“And I’m sorry–”

“And you haven’t even explained why you’re asking who I’ve swapped spit with,” Jesper says. Matthias goes tense, and Jesper all but grins – realising that he’s hit a nerve.

[jackwolfes]

loooved the jesthias story!!! what else do you have planned for rarecrows week?

hhhhh 😅 i have lots prepped but i dont think any of them will actually get done this week yknow

"feel" ➡ kylan PWP "au"/"remember" ➡ kawesper prince/pirate au, v much nsfw "words" ➡ ninej sort of PWP but not really idk 🤷‍♀️ "kiss" ➡ wylan & inej fic that im super jazzed about but don't wanna say lots about 👀👀👀

i'd like to post all of them this week or at least soon but it's v much unlikely bc im not really vibing with anything im writing atm

[jackwolfes]

Hello! If you had to assign one of your fics to represent an emotion, which ones would be happiness, contentment, anger, anxiety, sadness, and love?

this is such an interesting question i'm sorry i forgot to answer it 😂

happiness: euphoria (aka magical top surgery)

it's just trans joy!!! it's about getting what you want and being helped because you deserve it, and it's very happy!

contentment: a new kind of understanding (aka matthias coming out fic/jesthias)

it's about becoming content with your life and identity, and with your friends!

anxiety: without pity (aka parem fic)

this fic is wylan as Anxiety Personified TM for about 22,000 words so, yeah 😂

sadness: it isn't bad work (aka west stave wylan)

it's about losing out on opportunities and the ability to choose your life's path, and a lot of dealing with the grief of life, when you're just happy to be alive but still so far from happy

anger: is it a copout to list one i haven't posted 👀 because the "jesper shoots kaz" fic is very very angry

“Fucking fight back!” he screams, loud enough that his throat goes raw, but Kaz doesn’t. He just takes it, and it’s infuriating, it’s always fucking infuriating that he never just tells Jesper what the fuck he’s thinking. It’s hurt him before and it hurts him now and he’s mad.

love: i can't pick one because they're all about love 😭 like that's the Theme TM of all my stuff!! i couldn't pick just one if i tried! so. all of them ig lol