#jessitaka

[ashitaka-unclouded]

"Would you like assistance?" he offered again, even if he was only vaguely aware of what a crossword was. He had seen people doing them during breakfast at the Inn, but besides the general concept, it still more or less evaded him.

It did not help that he didn't know what half the things mentioned even were. Pop culture was lost on him. He was not someone who knew anything about this modern world. It made him feel very tired. It made him feel very not human.

Which was, of course, because he was not. He was dead. He was not alive. He was a ghost. A cursed memory.

@belladonna-wright

Soliloquies # [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

What's This? % [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

Ashitaka hummed. That was possible. Many people faced their fears as a way of dealing with them. It was an admirable quality. One he wasn't sure he shared. (Possibly too humble of a thought. Ashitaka was very brave--which is the crux of facing one's fear.)

"Unfortunately," Ashitaka conceded.

"Though, only certain ones. When...I am from, there were many monsters one had to account for. The term is used loosely. Some were demons. Some were not. None were evil. Just toxic to the land or dangerous to the people. Nago was both. We are quite familiar with one another after so many years."

After all, Ashitaka remembered Nago. Remembered the circumstances of the boar's possession. The circumstances of both their deaths. It was the only thing that had remained with him, after all this time.

@belladonna-wright

Just Your Average Directions Request @ [Open]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

Ashitaka was touched by the gesture. As a ghost, he could not cry, but the idea of someone mourning him in this time. In this place was--kind. Kinder than he thought he might even deserve. But, he remembered their conversation before and Jessie was clearly someone who had lost people before that she had not talked about.

But even to know that he was remembered, that he was being thought about, made him stronger. As long as she lived. As long as Eboshi lived. Even if his soul was destroyed, devoured by Nago, he would live in a memory, for just a little while longer.

"To be remembered by you would be a great honour," he said, placing his hands in front of him as he bowed slightly to her.

He was not going to be gone for a few days still. He would go to his second grave at peace.

@belladonna-wright

Returning @ [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

"Well, that is a difficult question, don't you think?" Ashitaka said with a sad sort of smile in her direction.

He did not find it a rude question. Only a difficult one to answer.

"I believe I am as I was, but--without remembering those I knew and my life before, who is to really say? All I know is...that I can choose to do good. Be good. That is what I am going to do. It makes Nago very upset with me." He chuckled good-naturedly.

Nago, of course, being the demon full of hate that resided heavy, just behind his heart.

@belladonna-wright

What's This? % [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

Yes, cruel. The way thoughts could be cruel. The way memories could be cruel. Just as those things could be warm, could be gentle, and comforting. Grief was double edged as the sharpest blade and it was indiscriminate in how it pierced.

"Spoken with much wisdom," Ashitaka agreed, raising his coffee cup in a gesture towards Jessie before taking a sip.

It was curious, as she did speak with grief in her voice that made her sound much older than she appeared to be, but ah. People's experiences could make that happen. An unfortunate, but a true fact of life.

@belladonna-wright

Soliloquies # [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

Ashitaka furrowed his brows at Jessie's words. He had not heard of Newton's First Law of Motion, no, but he wasn't surprised by what she said. It made sense to him, like a rock rolling down a hill. It was easy to keep something like that going. But moving a rock from the start--that was difficult.

His head nodded at her reasoning, but he was still frowning.

"Well, I am sorry. And there is no shame in feeling that grief. Even if you have not spoken to them for a long time. Perhaps, then, the grief is all the more poignant. So many things left unsaid..."

He thought of his own family. Somehow, long gone already, and him long gone before that. But he was back now, and his chest was full of regrets and words that he could not say. There was no one there to hear them.

@belladonna-wright

Soliloquies # [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

"Is that so?" Ashitaka asked, tilting his head.

"I find no matter what you do, grief follows. And maybe you can ignore it for a bit, but it does demand to be felt. In whatever way that is."

He had been subject to his own grief in his life, but in death, all you were was grief. At least, he had been. He was tortured, cursed to live and die and live and die with the demon that had killed him in the first place. There was a certain mourning you were spared, in that moment before oblivion came again.

And now that he was dead and undead and so many things, he missed his family who had all died after him. And he missed Eboshi too, in a way. Wished that he had been there for her when she was younger. Or that the path he had set his family on years ago had not led to this.

@belladonna-wright

Soliloquies # [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

England. Well, that was very far from home. For a second, he felt a pang in his heart at the thought. Ashitaka had never been so far. In fact, he'd rarely left his village when he was a man. He did not remember ever leaving. Perhaps once or twice, but he did not go far. He did not need to. All his family was there. The land gave him everything he needed.

So, why had he been drawn to England?

Kanamori...the name still whispered in his ears.

"Yet, you are not," Ashitaka observed, regarding the demon talk as they headed down the street. "Familiar with them?"

@belladonna-wright

Just Your Average Directions Request @ [Open]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

Ashitaka tilted his head at that, watching Jessie with a look that might be considered disconcerting. It was just--fairly intense, but Ashitaka was the kind of person who always made eye contact. And whose curiosity was a quiet but boiling thing. He liked people quite a lot, though he could not remember if that was a trait from before, or just the fact that he was dead now.

Still, he looked at Jessie and wondered what it was that had run her battery so low.

His head nodded once, after a moment. It was sympathetic. Understanding. Thinking back on the scraps of his memory he did have, he felt much the same. There was so much he hadn't appreciated at the time.

"And have you? Been able to recharge? From what I've heard, this town isn't as sleepy and quiet as it seems."

@belladonna-wright

Soliloquies # [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

Ashitaka wouldn't know. He had no time to travel and he wasn't interested in it. Or, he hadn't been. He had loved his home and didn't want to leave it. Maybe that was because he spent his life with it being threatened.

Still, he didn't know if running was the answer.

He didn't respond, since it was obviously for Jessie to decide for herself. And, besides, she said something more interesting.

"Oh, I am sorry," Ashitaka said with a frown. "Was this someone you had known closely or someone you lost touch with?"

@belladonna-wright

Soliloquies # [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

Ashitaka's eyebrows furrowed.

"No?" he ventured.

If he did, he did not remember what it was. It was labor enough to remember his family, who he had been. There was barely the lingering taste of his favourite meal. A drink was too far out of reach.

The question caught him off guard.

"I apologize, I cannot drink so--I do not know."

@belladonna-wright

Returning @ [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

Ashitaka was thoroughly confused now. Were not the sorcerers and healers the leadership in this town? It did not have the industrial feel of a city, ruled by corrupt politicians and those hungry for power. (Though, there were those rumbling machines on the streets, so maybe that had changed...)

"Who will be best to deal with a demon?" Ashitaka finally asked.

"And are you able to tell me where I am? What year this is? I attempted to ask another woman, but she was not forthcoming." He left out the part where she had called him a monster, lest this woman got the same idea.

Just Your Average Directions Request @ [Open]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

"Strange, yes. Maybe that is a good word for it."

After all, he did not blame them. It looked fascinating. And from what he understood, cell phones were ways to connect to loved ones across the miles. Ashitaka wished he could connect to his family in the same way. And televisions let one watch something happening on the other side of the world.

Places that Ashitaka had never seen before except, for, perhaps, in drawings--but those were inadequate.

They were not exact replications.

"I cannot say I blame them. In a way. The world is a massive, fascinating place. It is good that people have things to connect with. Though...it does seem they've forgotten about the things right in front of them. But, ah, that is an old failure for many."

@ashitaka-unclouded

Soliloquies # [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

Everyone dies alone.

That was what Ashitaka wanted to say, because it was true. And comforting, in a way. At least to him. He had died with his whole village around him the first time, but no one was there with him.

No one died with him.

Only Nago.

And again: Nago would be there.

"Thank you, that is very kind but there will be someone there."

His kin. In her eyes there would be generations of Kanamori there with them at the end.

@belladonna-wright

Returning @ [Jessitaka]

[ashitaka-unclouded]

A hospital? What was that?

A place for healers, he supposed. But, he didn't understand the separation between healers and leaders--those were, as far as he was concerned, more or less the same people. Who was better to lead a community than those who healed it? And understood the plants and environment better than anyone else?

But he was in a strange place...he shouldn't question their customs.

"I believe I will seek out this Howl Pendragon or Lilith Clawthorne. Who will be able to receive me? And where is this...town hall?"

Just Your Average Directions Request @ [Open]