#jeonjeonkook

[sugasnae]

Lost Stars. Jungkook

WORDS: 2.4K GENRE: ANGST/FLUFF WARNINGS: INCREDIBLY BRIEF MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM

Please don’t see

Just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies

Please see me

Reaching out for someone I can’t see

“I can’t do this anymore,” you whisper, not daring to look into his eyes.  You couldn’t make yourself see the pained expression that would wash over his face.

“What are you talking about?” He asks, taking his arm from around your shoulders and uncrossing his legs. He reaches for your hand, but you pull away from him.  Honestly, Jungkook isn’t sure what hurts him more: your words or how reserved you were acting.

“I think we need to break up.  We’re both too busy for a relationship anyway. I mean, you’re following your dreams and I’m still in college. I can’t keep acting like it doesn’t hurt to never get to see you, Jungkook.”

He shook his head, looking in the opposite direction, unsure how to word his response.  “Why now?” He mutters quietly.

“I don’t know. I’ve just finally hit my breaking point, I guess.” You look at him out of the corner of your eye.  The look on his face made your heart shatter, his gentle smile he usually had around you had been replaced by a strange mixture of anger and sorrow.  

Take my hand, let’s see where we wake up tomorrow

Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand

He releases a heavy sigh and sits up.  “Y/N, listen to me,” he starts, turning to face you. “Can we talk about this before you make a decision like this? I hate being away from you too, but I love you and I really don’t want to lose you,” he says, lifting up your chin so you would look him in the eyes. “It was hard enough for me to ask you out the first time, please, don’t make me have to do it again,” he joked.

“Jungkook, I’m serious. I need someone who can be here for me, not someone that I never get to see because he’s off getting fawned over by millions of other girls.”

“I’m sorry, but what do you want me to do, Y/N? Quit BTS? Jagiya, I love you, but that’s not going to happen. Can’t you just give it a little more time?”

“This isn’t something that I decided to do overnight.  I’ve been trying to figure out how I’ve felt for a while know.  It’s just too hard, Jungkook.  You leave and I’m stuck here all alone.  Talking to you on the phone for thirty minutes is the most communication I have with you most days, and that sucks! I can’t keep doing this! Do you even understand how much it hurts to never get to see you? I can’t sleep because I’m busy worrying about you. I just- I feel like we’re drifting apart and I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry, Jungkook.”

I’ll be damned, Cupid’s demanding back his arrows

So let’s get drunk on our tears

He watched as you stood from your spot on the park bench.  He could see the soft glisten of fresh tears in your eyes, reassuring him that this hurt you as much as it was hurting him. Jungkook held his palms to his eyes. It wasn’t like he was stupid, he had felt the shift in the relationship, but he was just hoping that it would pass when he had a break.  

Everything was becoming more and more obvious to him as the moments without you ticked by.  Your eyes were the main source of how you truly felt and the dark circles beneath them made him feel guilty about what he had done to you.  He didn’t mean to keep you up at night, but that was the only time he got to talk to you and he didn’t want you to feel like you were being ignored; apparently, he had failed at that.

He pulled his hands away, looking at them sheen with tears. How could he let this happen? You were his everything and now, it’s as if you had completely fallen out of love with him.  There are other girls, he told himself.  None like you…

And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young

It’s hunting season and the lambs are on the run

Searching for meaning

But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?

Putting on his normal act was probably the most painful part of the break up.  With dozens of interviews came even more fake smiles and fake laughs.  But, how could he let his fans down? The ARMYs had always supported him, the least he could do was try to fool them into thinking all was okay and that he was the same old Jungkook that he always was and that this break up meant little to nothing to him.

“Jungkook, you ready?” Yoongi says, pushing his chair back from the restaurant table.

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Jungkook mumbled, taking his eyes off of the young couple across the room, laughing and smiling.  He remembered taking you here on one of your first dates since you had never been; it quickly became one of your favorite restaurants in the city.

Jungkook stood from his place, following his hyungs out the doors of the restaurant.  He stared down at his feet while his friends talked around him.  Smile, he told himself. Pretend to be having a fun time. His shoulder collided with someone, stopping him in his tracks. “Sorry,” he muttered, turning to face the girl who had her hand intertwined with her boyfriend’s. She smiled warmly as her boyfriend kissed the back of her hand, not paying the least bit of attention to Jungkook’s apology.  

His head swam.  They were everywhere.  It was like he couldn’t look in any direction without seeing someone happily in love, reminding him of what he used to have before he messed everything up.  Everything washed over him and he sat down in the middle of the busy sidewalk,staring up at the sky, watching the clouds pass overhead. His vision blurred as his eyes started to sting.  “No,” he mumbled as if telling himself not to cry would really stop it all. Jungkook buried his face in his arms, desperate for people not to see the overwhelming sorrow that had finally become too much to handle.

“Jungkook, why’d you st- oh…” Jimin stopped himself as he took a look at the boy seated on the pavement, people making a wide berth around him as his body shook with sobs.  The rest of the boys came to a stop beside Jimin, all of them just as shocked by the sight.  There was their maknae, someone quite good at holding back his emotions, breaking into tiny pieces as everything poured from his eyes.  

“Jungkook,” Taehyung muttered, approaching him slowly, grabbing him by the bicep.  “Come on. Let’s go back to the dorms, okay? We’ll be done for the day.” He forced Jungkook to his feet, slinging an arm around his shoulders.

Jungkook kept his eyes planted on the pavement causing it to become speckled with falling tear drops until he was shoved roughly onto a couch back at the hotel.  He looked up at the six older boys staring at him with looks of pure dismay.  “Can we please not talk about this?”

“No. This isn’t like you.  So, you’re going to sit there until you come clean,” Yoongi says, crossing his arms.

“Hyungs, please… I really don’t want to talk about it,” he responds, his voice barely loud enough to be heard. He looks away from them, wiping his eyes and nose on the shoulder of his t-shirt.

“We have a show this weekend and you can’t do this on stage, so get it out now.”

Who are we?

Just specks of dust within the galaxy?

Woe is me

If we’re not careful turns into reality

Don’t you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow

Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer

Turn the page maybe we’ll find a brand new ending

Where we’re dancing in our tears

He took his bottom lip between his teeth, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, locking his fingers behind his head. “I’m just being a baby about this whole thing.”

“What whole thing?”

“This stupid break up.  It was over a month ago and I’m still moping around. I just miss her… I look around and everyone seems so happy and all I can think about is Y/N and how she would say that all these young couples were so cute and how happy they looked,” he stopped, smiling softly to himself.  You always loved those couples because you were one.  You were just a city girl who only had books and school on the brain and he was Jeon Jungkook, international superstar and heartthrob, but somehow, it worked and you two were that cute and happy couple that everyone modeled their relationships after.

“You need to call her. Get some closure, or something,” Namjoon suggested, tossing Jungkook his cell phone.

“No… I can’t. I told you, I’m just over-reacting.  I’m fine, I promise.  It’s just- this tour is stressing me out, you know? I guess it’s all messing with my hormones,” he joked, giving the boys a smile. God, when did I get so good at lying through my teeth.

“Are you sure? You can talk to us,” Hoseok asks, worry stitching his brow together.  “Besides, she would probably take you back if you asked.”

Jungkook shook his head. He couldn’t put you through all that again.  He couldn’t stand to look at your sleep deprived features or the cuts on your skin because he couldn’t be there to help you through a situation or even the way you would have mascara on your cheeks because he had decided to Skype call you in the middle of a crying fit and you hadn’t wiped it all away yet. “It’s okay. I’m okay, I promise,” he assures, smiling once more.

And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young

It’s hunting season and the lambs are on the run

Searching for meaning

But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?

And I thought I saw you out there crying

And I thought I heard you call my name

And I thought I heard you crying

Just the same

The stars added the perfect backdrop to the city scape.  It was late, almost midnight, but the streets were as crowded as ever with excited ARMYs filled with adrenaline from the recent concert.  Jungkook watched all the people pass as they were driven to the airport, off to the next city and off to the next group of fans.  

His breath caught in his throat as he saw the familiar jacket and your Y/H/L Y/H/C walking down the streets. He stared at you for a moment longer, just to be sure.  “Stop the car,” he said, not taking his eyes off of your tear-stained cheeks.

“What? Jungkook, we can’t. You’re going to miss your flight if we stop.  We’re already behind schedule,” their manager said, staring back at the golden maknae in shock that he would make such an absurd request.

“I don’t care. Stop the car, please,” he pleaded.  “Take the others, I’ll get a cab and meet you there, just let me out.”

Taehyung looked over Jungkook’s shoulder to where he had been staring. “Stop.  Let him go,” he says, looking at their manager with knowing eyes.

“You heard them. Pull over. But only for a minute! We don’t have time for whatever this is, Jungkook!”

The driver pulls over off to the side off the road and before the vehicle is fully stopped, Jungkook’s feet hit the pavement and he’s sprinting down the sidewalk, weaving in and out of the crowded walkway, muttering quiet “sorry”s and “excuse me”s as he collides with strangers.

“Y/N,” he whispers as you finally come into his sight.  Your head is down, your headphones stuck in your ears, hands in the pockets of your favorite jacket because it was a birthday present from him.  Even from all the way down the block he could make out the black streams of eyeliner and mascara forming rivers down your cheeks.

He watched as you made your way across the crosswalk as people jostled him, calling him by names he’d rather not be called for stopping in the middle of the pavement.  Your eyes just happened to look up and connect with his.  Your feet stopped moving. “Jungkook,” you whispered, your face softening as fresh tears of relief began to blur your surroundings.

His lips on yours was the only feeling you needed in the world.  The way they moved perfectly with yours, the sweet taste of cherries left from his chapstick.  His kisses were the one thing that could make you feel better no matter what, this time included.  

You missed his lips the second he pulled away from you, his hands holding your face close to his.  “I missed you so much… I’m sorry for being such an idiot. I should’ve paid more attention to you.  Jagiya, I’ve been a mess,”  Jungkook laughs, not bothering to wipe the happy tears from his cheeks.  “Please… Don’t ever leave me again.”

“I would never. I love you way too much, stupid,” you whisper, a soft smile on your face.

Jungkook smiles, his eyes crinkling in the corners as he dries your face with his thumbs.  “I love you way too much too, jagi.” He slides his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him, letting you connect your lips with his once again. Everything had become bright again from the moment the words had left your lips.

And God, give us the reason youth is wasted on the young

It’s hunting season and this lamb is on the run

Searching for meaning

But are we all lost stars trying to light… light up the dark?

And I thought I saw you out there crying

And I thought I heard you call my name

And I thought I heard you out there crying

But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?

Are we all lost stars trying up the dark?

“I love you, Jungkook.”

[ipurpletaev]

Here’s how I write!

A little snippet of my writing style! :)

———

Jungkook : being caught

——

“Wait, where are you going?” The poor maknae was standing in the hallway of big hits producing floor, wide eyes and lips parted as he struggled to find the words to say. And you, a intern producer, had just been caught singing one of your own songs in one of the recording booths. And of course the one who had caught you was the youngest member, Jungkook. The boy with a sweet bunny like smile who was quiet as a mouse. It took a lot for him to talk to you and even though he wasn’t as open and rowdy as the other members, he was the one your pour little heart had fallen for.

“H-home. I’m going home, i-I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Granted it was only noon and you couldn’t find the words to explain how embarssed you were to have someone hear you sing. The hard critic of your self conscience was booming in your head, telling you how he was revolted that you would even think about singing in a booth, let alone it being one of your songs.

But truth be told he thought it was amazing, that it was beautiful. Your lyrics were repetitive sure but the message in the song was touching. Someone who just wanted to make it out into the world and achieve their dreams and their goals was the wish that was sewn into the vowels and adjectives of the tune.

You had your grip on your bag and already put on your coat in a hurry to get away from him you had put it on inside out. Hair frazzled and expression bright red you made it all the way down to the elevator, reaching out and ready to push the main floor button, until a large hand came and grabbed hold of your much smaller one. He didn’t turn you or grab any other part of you. He just held your hand and spoke.

“No please don’t, I.... i want to hear your song. I want to hear more of it.... it was, beautiful.”

If the heat in your cheeks wasn’t noticeable before it was now, a black and white flash drive came into view as he let go of your hand and nervously ran through his dark locks of brown molases and his chocolate eyes focused on the beige floor.

“I thought you did a pretty good job. You sing uh... really prettiley... or well... no good! I just-“

A soft giggle had passed your soft pout and his head shot up to see you staring at him, your expression had changed from an embarrassed one to a calm yet adoring one. He was the one now embrassed and flustered as he watched you pocket your flash drive that held your song.

“Thanks Jungkook.”

With that you placed your hand on his shoulder and for a second he tensed up at the contact, only to relax and smile back at you, nodding before you turned and got on the elivator which you both disappeared from each other’s eyes.

Let’s just say you had a small fangirl moment inside the metal walls of the box as he had his own fanboy cheer of a smile that was so big it made his cheeks and jaw hurt.