#jeno one shot

[jenomi]

i think jeno would be kinda panicked if he saw you suddenly sobbing to the show or movie you were watching together.

like if he heard you sniffling next to him, he would try to get a better look at your face to see if you were really crying. when he sees that you are, he quickly grabs some tissues from the coffee table and hands them to you. you'll accept the tissues with a smile and dab away your tears and clear your nose.

but as the show/movie progresses and gets sadder, you'll start full on sobbing and jeno won't know what to do.

"(.◜ᯅ◝) don't cry.." he whines pulling more than enough tissues out of the box.

you know jeno's a T deep down so he doesn't really know what to do in these situations and feels awkward around people that are crying. but he always ends up doing exactly what you need. he'll rub your back and hold you, and occasionally tease you about crying to lighten up the mood. after you calm down, he'll grab your favorite snack that he always has on deck in the apartment and let you feast on it until you're smiling again.

(on very rare occasions, he'll start to tear up himself when he sees you crying. he already thought the show/movie was sad, but seeing you cry makes him feel deeper and tear up. he tries to subtly wipe his tears away, but you always catch him. you'll chuckle before handing him a tissue and holding his hand. of course, you'll tease him like he does to you when you cry, and he'll laugh with teary eyes and a puffy red nose 🙁)

[joyoushyuck]

(minors dni)

requested

19:34

The last bits of your coherence are stripped off of you when Jeno thrusts a vibrator into your wet folds. Your cries of pleasure drown out his low grunts as he drags a veiny hand through the length of his red, pulsating cock.

Your hands are tied to the headboard with Jeno’s belt. The delicious pressure created every time you attempt to tug your hands free borders painful, your arms aching from the lack of movement. Your lips are swollen, bitten raw and absolutely destroyed, chin shining with saliva and cum. A splendid brown bruise sits right above your pulse point, visible for the world to see and know whom you belong to.

Jeno pulls the vibrator out again, moving it on your inner thighs where he knows you are sensitive. The hand stroking his cock switches to teasing your clit instead. Jeno looks so good like this, with his hair mussed up and lips plump, beads of sweat rolling down his face. You want those lips to suck your clit. Jeno has a way of driving you crazy.

When he pushes the vibrator into your hole again, a jolt of pleasure washes over you because it is that spot. And from Jeno’s smug smirk, he damn sure knows what he's doing. He's been edging you for so long, you don't think you'll last long if he doesn't move that toy from your hypersensitive bundle of nerves.

“So good, doll,” he praises. The nickname steals an obscene moan out of you. “So pliant and obedient, all for me.”

“Jeno,” you whine. He's so attractive. The mere sight of him is enough to make you cum. “Please let me cum, please.”

“Not just yet, doll, gotta be patient,” and he says that right before rocking the vibrator on your g-spot. A lone drop of tear slides down your temple because the desperation is bordering insanity now. Your head falls back on the plush pillow, the knot on your stomach tightening with every press of thumb on clit, of toy on sweet spot. It's tortuous. You love it.

You are so close to snapping, nonsensical babbles of “Jeno, Jen, please, please let me come. Baby please, ‘m so close’’ prompting a good laugh out of said man.

Oh! The humiliation. You think that's your final straw, that you're going to break, so close to the edge-

Jeno abruptly pulls the toy out.

The emptiness frustrates you enough to trigger a pathetic sob. Your chest heaves, nipples hard and unattended, eyes brimming with more unshed tears.

“Baby, you are so beautiful,” Jeno murmurs. His eyes have glazed over like he's drunk. The thought that he's drunk on you placates the raging fire in you just the slightest bit. “I love you.”

And he's kissing you sweetly. So sweetly that you almost forget that he has you tied up in your room, edging you for what feels like an eternity. His hand tips your chin back for better access, tongue licking the roof of your mouth.

Your timid “Love you too, Jen,” is what seems to break the sudden spell of serenity.

He presses one last kiss to the corner of your lips, running his thumb over your smudged lipstick and pressing it into your mouth for you to taste yourself, before the hand settles around your neck in a firm grip.

He's applying just the right amount of pressure to knock the air out of your lungs and make you light-headed. “Jeno, please,” you attempt to say, but it's reduced to incomprehensible gasps.

Your arms feel sore too. They tingle all over in a way that warns you that when all this is over, you aren't going to be able to as much as lift a pen. You aren't bothered by it all that much.

Jeno lines his cock in your entrance and pushes in slowly. A guttural moan escapes his throat, his facade of nonchalance finally breaking now that he's buried deep inside you, your tight walls clenching around him. “Babe, you are so good for me, so tight, my pretty girl,” it's his turn to babble. You aren't capable of forming a response at all, just high pitched whines turning into breathy sounds.

He thrusts into you sloppily, eyes zeroed out on the way your hole takes him in effortlessly. The stretch is just perfect. When he leans down to kiss you - a mess of tongue and saliva more than anything - your eyes roll back and you black out momentarily.

“Doll, you need to stay with me,” Jeno slightly taps your cheek. “Tell me if it is too much, okay?”

You shake your head at that with a little too much vigor. Again, his features morph into one filled with fondness.

It's when Jeno brings the vibrator to your clit that the knot in your stomach snaps. You come undone, the orgasm washing over you in waves and bringing bouts of inexplicable pleasure. Jeno isn't far behind because he’s pulling out to come on your stomach soon after.

He's left you thoroughly drained. He unties the belt and cleans your body with a warm cloth. The moment he tugs you into his chest, you are out like light.

-

Note

1k of pure filth. I really tried. Hope the anon who requested likes it:)

Requests, thoughts, questions are welcomed. My inbox is open!

[ppongie]

L.JENO - I don’t know

It was prom. Jeno had asked you out to be his prom date, and you happily agreed. I mean, you’ve been loving him from afar ever since you’ve laid eyes on him. This was a big thing- he finally noticed you. But oh, if only you knew.

Now.. you’re sat at a table alone, letting the blue rays of the party lights illuminate your face. Describing how you actually feel as you watched him dance with his ex.

He only asked you out to make her jealous then make his way back to her. His plan worked.

Your eyes watching how she swayed with him, where his hands were on her body, and how she easily painted that smile on his face—

Your relationship with Jeno wasn’t special. With him it was simple hi’s and hello’s, a couple of waves here and there. A pure friendship, nothing more than that.

And being the delusional person that you are, you’ve thought about those little moments every night before bed. Happily knowing that he noticed you, and the whole prom-posal was the cherry on top.

You picked out the perfect outfit for the occasion, thought about him the whole time while getting ready.

“Would he like this color on me?”

“How about my hair? Hmm..”

“I should tone it down a bit, he likes that.”

You believed that the feelings were mutual, you really did- not until you stepped into the party. His eyes darted everywhere to find a familiar face.

He gave you the classic excuse, leaning down to your level to whisper it in your ear “I need to use the restroom.” You gave him a nod and decided to meet your friends to kill time as you wait for him. But he never came back.

Your friends were interrupted by their dates, asking them to slow dance. The girls gave you an apologetic smile as they walked away to dance.

That’s why you’re sat here at the table alone, staring at the crowd. ‘The crowd’ as in Jeno and his Ex.

You felt your world crumbling the second he reached down to kiss her. You tried to stare at something else but you couldn’t. You watched the whole thing happen right in front of you.

You couldn’t do anything about it, these were his feelings. And who are you to pull him away from the person he truly loves?

They were going to announce prom king and queen now. Making up your own story, you knew it would be Jeno and his ex. Then they could live their happy ever after and have their reunion look like it was some kind of fairytale.

This was a waste of time. Watching all this happen was a waste of time. Dressing up for him was a waste of time.

“Prom king is.. Lee Jeno!” You heard every one clap for the man that used you to crawl back to his ex. So you stood up and grabbed your purse, ready to leave.

“And prom queen is..”

You tried to walk faster towards the exit but your friend noticed you as you passed by “y/n-“

“Kim Y/N!” You froze in your spot and felt the spotlight snapping at you, making the glitter on your outfit match the tears in your eyes, very shiny.

“Um..” you say and stared at the person that announced your name, clutching on your purse harder. Your heart racing because of the amount of eyes staring at you, and the sound of your heartbeat is slowly getting louder than the clapping around you. Then your eyes darted to Jeno that was holding your crown,

Your friend insisted to hold your things so you could get the crown.

“Come on up here” the man said in an enthusiastic tone, and you couldn’t do anything but listen. You walked towards the stage and went up the steps. Let’s get it over with, you thought to yourself.

You didn’t make him crown you- no, you held the crown instead and looked at the man that announced your name “I don’t want to dance.” Jeno seemed like he was fine about it, shrugging. Of course he was fine about it.

You then give Jeno a glare and his face transition into confusion, “You okay?” He said. You only scoffed at his question “You’re full of shit.”

You didn’t notice that the man’s mic was close to your side, so everyone heard- making them gasp and whisper to each other about your comment. You turn to walk away and pushed yourself through the crowd.

You didn’t mean to make a scene but you had to spit that comment out, it was hanging by the tip of your tongue. Then for some odd reason, Jeno was chasing after you. “Y/N, come on-“

As soon as you left the school’s gym you turned to look at him. No words leaving your lips this time, just your sad eyes. He knew what that meant, your shaky pupils says it all.

You wait for him to talk, his lips parted trying to say something. “Look..” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair “I’m sorry, okay?”

“I shouldn’t have asked you to go out with me and I should’ve cleaned up my own shit without dragging you in like I already did.” You just stared at him, trying to see if he actually meant every word.

Being the quiet kid in school has its pros and cons. Pros: people are always nice to you and you’re nice to them too. Cons: Jeno asking you out thinking you’d be a good bait.

The tear that’s been carried in your waterline slipped and trickled down your cheek. “I’m sorry, y/n.” He repeated. You pressed your thumb on the sharp edge of your ‘prom queen’ crown, trying to stay steady.

“I hate you, Jeno.” You didn’t mean it, but wanted to see his reaction. He was only staring at you, biting on his lip, maybe he felt a bit guilty?

“Why did you ask me out.. why me?” You shook your head not understanding any of this.

The answer was there in his eyes, you can tell. It’s the way he looked hesitant. Like he was keeping a secret from you and doesn’t know how to tell you.

But his thoughts came in the way and he looked around, trying to avoid your teary eyes. “I..” he lets out a short sigh after and closed his eyes “..I don’t know”

[johnnysuhbmarine]

My Lips are Sealed

Pairing: Jeno x reader Description: Your childhood was nothing short of amazing with twinbrother!Jaemin and bestfriend!Jeno. It was the three of you against the world, and all Jaemin asked was that you and Jeno not get involved with each other. It was a simple rule, but one that Jeno convinced you to give up on by the end of your senior year of high school. While you’re ready to navigate the extent of both your feelings, Jeno was ready to pretend that one shared kiss never existed, tearing apart your friendship in the process. Though, with college graduation came the famed trip to Hawaii the three of you had planned since childhood. Now it was just a matter of if four years of no contact between you and Jeno was something you could come back from. Content warnings: mentions of alcohol, a little bit of angst with a happy ending. Please let me know if I’ve missed anything. Word count: 12,825 :) A/n: I had wips started for other members before the idea of this existed but I can’t help myself from writing about Jeno. I hope you all are doing well - I’m rooting for you! Please enjoy, or don’t…I can’t tell you what to do. As always, feedback would be GREATLY appreciated :)

You were alone on the outskirts of the venue, already tired of getting stepped on by everyone jumping up and down, or worse, having to withstand watching all the couples dance to the slow songs. Prom night was not all that those movies chalked it up to be, not when you’re single, anyways. That being said, the theme was masquerade and you were currently walking through the garden, so you didn’t miss the opportunity to at least romanticize your night a little bit. 

You’re broken out of your thoughts when you hear footsteps behind you, and you turn from the rose bushes to lay eyes on a figure you knew all too well, a small smile coming onto your features as you meet his masked gaze. As soon as you turned around to face him, his movements grew clumsier, and he softly laughed over them as he spoke. “Hey there. I don’t mean to come on too strong but, you look beautiful.” His words were firm but you just raised an eyebrow and shook your head.

“Jeno, I know you know it’s me.” You reply with a dry laugh.

He looks back over his shoulder before turning towards you once more, confused. “Jeno? Who’s Jeno?” 

Your raised brow quickly furrows as you look at him. The masks adorning your faces in no way made either of you unrecognizable to each other when you’ve quite literally grown up together. You were sure that was Jeno, and you were sure he knew who you were under that mask, too. “What are you playing at?” You ask, any remaining patience for his games leaving your voice. To your surprise, Jeno’s shoulders dropped, and he looked around again to make sure no one else was nearby before moving closer to you. 

“You know Jaemin’s one rule for me?” He questions, and you swallow hard because of course you knew the rule your twin brother had set in place since you were five, but you couldn’t figure out why that was any bit relevant right now. 

“That you’re not allowed to get involved with me?” You answer hesitantly, and Jeno nods his head.

“Yeah, that one. It’s kind of a pain.” He says with a light laugh.

You drop your head to face the floor, all your courage escaping you as you acknowledge the one thing you’ve been pushing down for years. “...yeah.” You breathe out in agreement, and the corner of Jeno’s mouth quirks up in a smirk. 

He takes a step closer to you. “So, what if our masquerade outfits were just so good that we couldn’t recognize each other?” He asks in something close to a whisper. “That I didn’t know it was you?” He takes another step, you can feel his breath as you look back up to face him with wide eyes. “Could I kiss you then?” He finally gets out in a whisper, and your world starts slowing to a pause.

You had to be smart here. Your brother meant the world to you, having his trust meant the world to you, and all he ever asked for was that you and Jeno not get involved…well, he made it more of a demand on Jeno’s end. For over a decade, you abided by it with no mishaps, but it never changed the fact that your soul has been aching for Jeno all that time - that it still is. You didn’t know what to do. “Jeno…” You whisper back, all of your thoughts ending right there. Thankfully, he picks back up and, for better or worse, doesn’t know how to quit.

“What if it was just an honest mistake? He can’t get mad at us for that, can he?” He continues to dig at it, reaching for the answer he wanted in response to his twisted logic. His hand had already come up to cup your cheek, and you shift your gaze to make eye contact with him, trying to take back some dominance as opposed to turning into a puddle. Your wide, soft, helpless eyes were nothing in comparison to the longing you saw in his.

Jeno had regained all his confidence and composure long since he stumbled through calling you beautiful. Everything now was meticulous, completely controlled by Jeno, and you wonder how long he had been planning this. Since the theme was announced? All those months ago? You can’t imagine having missed his pining after you for that long, especially when you’ve been looking for a hidden meaning to his every action for years now, and yet, he stood in front of you now in seriousness - seriously looking as though he might die if you don’t let him kiss you. 

You move your gaze back down to his chest - anywhere that wasn’t his eyes as you respond as surely as you could. “If you’re going to kiss me, whoever you are, do it now.”

The only pause Jeno took in between your consent and him actually kissing you was to smile like a kid who just got told they were getting dessert for dinner. Then he leaned in and kissed you gently. It might have been the fact that you were in a long dress and he was in a suit, but it felt like you were in a fairytale - the world around you quieted, the stars shining down on the two of you as if the universe had been waiting for this moment. The kiss was soft and delicate, Jeno never pressing to deepen it. Instead, he held onto you as though you were fragile, like any harsh movement would break everything, make it all disappear, and he would die before letting that happen. 

When you break away, Jeno rests his forehead against yours, the two of you now caught up in soft smiles and laughter that you couldn’t be too obvious about. Though, almost immediately, they were calling for everyone to get together for the reveal of prom king and queen. You look up at Jeno through your eyelashes. “Should we go see if Jaemin’s won prom king?” 

Jeno nods his head against yours. “Yeah, he’ll be looking for us after, anyways.” He replies, though he makes no effort to move. Instead, he sneaks in about a thousand small pecks at your lips until you turn back into a giggling mess. 

“Okay, okay, stop!” You finally get out in between laughs, moving back from his figure to instead grab his hand and drag him with you towards the main floor of the venue. You typically weren’t one for holding hands, but now you’re sure it’s just because you’ve never held Jeno’s before. His fingers intertwined with your own like they finally found their home, and you know Jeno’s hand was the only one meant for yours. However, the second you meet back up with the big crowd facing the stage, you let his hand drop and he didn’t fight to keep them together, he couldn’t…you both knew that.

To no one’s surprise, Jaemin was crowned prom king. The entire crowd broke into cheers, but Jaemin just stood on stage and scanned the audience for you and Jeno, finally finding the two of you with a small smile on his lips to level out the brightest of smiles held in his eyes. You made eye contact with your brother and nodded softly before joining the rest of the crowd in clapping. Though in seconds, everyone’s attention was turned to the sky as fireworks were set off in celebration. With Jaemin still not off the stage, Jeno leaned down at his side so that his lips were by your ear, though his eyes stayed trained on the fireworks. “That’s what kissing you feels like.” He whispers, and your entire face heats up. You take your eyes off the fireworks to turn and look at him, giving him a playful shove.

“Shut up.” You say, but your words meant nothing amidst the smile on your face. Jeno just laughs, turning his attention back to the fireworks still going off. Though, he quietly grabbed your hand back in his, playing with your fingers as the rest of the fireworks kept everyone’s attention on the sky. 

That was the last remotely romantic moment you had with Jeno. 

Jaemin found you both after the fireworks ended, and the three of you hung around together for the rest of the night. You immediately hugged Jaemin once he made his way over to you. “Congrats on the win, king.” You say, and Jaemin just flashes you a proud smirk before leading you all away from the bigger crowds so you had space to actually breathe. 

The dance ended an hour later and you all filed into Jaemin’s car so he could drive home. “That was actually a pretty nice night, yeah?” He asks, taking a glance over at you in the passenger seat and back to Jeno through the rear view mirror. 

You nod your head in agreement as Jeno is the one to elaborate. “Yeah, my favorite part was the fireworks.” He responds cooly, but your face heats up. You had no clue if he was talking about the actual fireworks or the fireworks that he claims went off when you two kissed earlier that night, and you couldn’t risk turning around to look at him and figure it out in his gaze. 

Instead, you just duck your head, idly messing with your fingers as you add on softly. “Yeah, the fireworks were nice.” 

Jaemin stared over at you with a look in his eyes as though he were trying to figure you out. Being twins, it wasn’t really a surprise that he knew you sometimes better than you knew yourself, but it was instances like these where you wish he didn’t. Thankfully, if he found any deeper meaning to your words, he didn’t question it, instead just humming happily in agreement before going over his own favorite parts of the night. 

Jeno ended up sleeping over with the excuse that your post-prom movie night ran too long - you and Jaemin told him that he should’ve planned on sleeping over from the start. Regardless, the next morning, you and Jeno ended up being the first ones awake. You walk out of your bedroom to see him in the kitchen, leaning over the counter with a cup of coffee and idly scrolling on his phone. You smile at the sight of him in pajamas with messy hair, though you figure you looked about the same after just rolling out of bed.

“Hey.” You say, lightly enough to get his attention without risking waking up anyone else. His eyes snap onto your figure, a small smile coming onto his face as he begins to move.

“Hey, good morning. Do you want your coffee? I already made it - one cream, two sugars and all that.” He turns back to you with a smirk, a different mug in his hand now as his eyebrows raise in wait for your answer. He places his other hand around the actual mug to feel the temperature before nodding slightly. “It’s drinkable for you now.” He continues with a smile, sliding the mug over to where you’ve moved to stand on the other side of the counter. “Cause you know, you’re super scared of burning your tongue…even though the funny feeling goes away in like- a day.” He teases. “But anyways, I made it when I made mine so yours could cool down a bit until you got up.”

You duck your head, hiding a laugh. Jeno knew you a little too well sometimes, but you’d be lying if you said you couldn’t do the same in a reverse scenario - how he took his coffee was a fact far past memorized for you. “Thank you.” You say quietly, grabbing the mug from his hands and taking a sip with no hesitation. It was, in fact, your perfect cup of coffee. “How long have you been up?” You ask, and Jeno turns around to look at the clock on the microwave before doing math in his head.

“A little over thirty minutes. Your coffee hasn’t been waiting that long, I promise. It took me a while to convince myself to get out of bed.” He answers with a small laugh, and you flash your eyebrows in recognition as you take another sip. 

With you and Jeno hanging out practically every day, there wasn’t much small talk you could ever make - nothing to catch up on when you were there to actually experience all his stories in the first place. So, you turn your head towards the backyard windows, looking out as you try and build up the courage to say what was actually on your mind. “Are we gonna talk about it?” You ask quietly, still not brave enough to look Jeno in the face and see his reaction.

You figure that was probably for the best when he replies neutrally. “About what?” 

A stab to the heart was what that reply was, confusion coursing through your veins knowing he was the one begging to kiss you last night. You spent all these years helplessly pining after Jeno but he apparently kissed you just for fun - nothing that would matter the next morning, nothing to talk about. “Oh.” You say, trying your best not to sound hurt as you place your coffee back down on the counter. Without another word, you walk back upstairs to your room, passing by Jaemin who had just woken up. 

“Good morning.” He says with his typical smile, but you stay staring at your feet in front of you.

“Morning.” You reply quietly, sure your voice would crack with tears if you dared speak any louder. Jaemin furrows his brows at your behavior, but before he can question anything, you’re already back in your room and behind closed doors. So instead, he continues with his walk downstairs to find a distraught Jeno and your unfinished cup of coffee sitting on the counter. Jaemin just sighs as he moves to start making his own coffee, praying that whatever it was that had the two of you bothered would work itself out in no time. 

That never happened. 

You started avoiding Jeno after that morning, hiding in your room whenever he would come over or making sure you had plans to get you out of the house entirely; anything to make yourself scarce. It was a stupid way to spend your last summer before college - hiding from your best friend, but you couldn’t help the fact that any reminder of him now hurt. You had spent too long crushing on Jeno just for him to string you along with one kiss and then pretend nothing happened. Truthfully, you would have rather him rejected you outright instead of ghosting over the subject and leaving you without closure. 

After the first week of you blatantly avoiding Jeno, he too stopped trying to reach out - wouldn’t ask where you were headed as you left through the front door, wouldn’t knock on your bedroom door and ask if you wanted what Jaemin and himself just made for dinner, wouldn’t text and ask how your day went, wouldn’t say ‘hi’ in passing…all that was left of your relationship was the fact that he never left your mind and the way he would still stare after you with an unreadable expression whenever you walked away from him.

Jaemin let it go in the beginning, but soon enough he couldn’t bear the tension, nor the fact that now on any given day, he had to choose between hanging out with you or Jeno, when it used to be the three of you against the world. It was mid-summer when the two of you had gone out for ice cream one day. The entire outing was as normal as ever, but as Jaemin pulled in front of your house to park, he didn’t turn the car off right away. You look over at him in question as you unbuckle your seatbelt, but he just sighs.

“I know there’s something going on between you and Jeno,” he starts, and you sink back into your own seat. “But I also know you, so there’s no point in trying to figure out what happened because you’ll never tell me. But I just- are you okay?” He finishes, swinging his gaze over to you with a hint of worry in his eyes. 

You can’t bring yourself to meet his gaze, instead just shaking your head and trying to make sure it shakes back your tears as well. “I don’t know.” You answer hoarsely. Nothing has felt normal since you and Jeno stopped talking, but the idea of facing him now filled you with anxiety. Jaemin leaned over to wrap you in an awkward hug and you finally let some tears fall in his embrace. 

“Please just tell me Jeno isn’t the reason you’re going to a different university.” He says in a near whisper, and more things in your brain start to click. Before going to NCIT together was ever a plan between you, Jeno, and Jaemin, it was a plan between you and Jaemin. Choosing at the last minute to instead enroll elsewhere probably hurt Jaemin a lot more than he let on when you made the decision last month. Thankfully, you can at least reassure him that you weren’t letting a boy control your life…sort of. 

“He’s not. You know this one has a better program for what I want to do anyways. Sure, the situation with Jeno didn’t necessarily help in convincing me to stick with our original plan, but maybe some actual time away from each other will help mend things.” 

Jaemin breaks from the hug to resume a normal sitting position in his car, his hands idly fiddling with each other. “I’m sorry you two aren’t close anymore. I know- I know he meant a lot to you.” 

You shake your head, using your palm to wipe away any remnants of tears as you reply. “Just the normal amount.” Your words come out weak, as though the lie could hardly care to exist in the first place. You swallow back the awkwardness that came with your words, wondering how well your brother was able to read you today. Though, dwelling on it wouldn’t do any good, so instead you turn to face Jaemin with intent, a few traces of guilt hidden within your features if you look hard enough. “I’m sorry you have to be caught in the middle of it.” You say, and Jaemin lets out a light sigh that you think was meant to be laughter.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ve navigated it for half the summer already.” He says with a teasing smirk that finally gets the atmosphere to lighten. “Besides, some time apart will mend everything and we’ll be all good to go for our graduation trip, yeah?” 

Despite yourself, a small smile comes onto your face. The three of you had been planning to spend a week in Hawaii after college graduation for almost as long as you could remember, and if there was one thing you weren’t going back on, it was a trip to Hawaii. “Yeah, that graduation trip stays as planned no matter what.” You reply, turning to face him so he could see your smile again. Jaemin nodded lightly, finally turning the car off as the two of you get out and head for the door. 

Fast forward four years and time did not mend things, but your graduation trip stayed as planned. Neither you nor Jeno ever attempted to reach back out during college, but neither you nor Jeno had it in you to bow out of the graduation trip or even slightly alter the plans. So, when Jeno joined the two of you outside, loading Jaemin’s car with luggage, he sent a small ‘hi’ your way. You just nod in response. There was no way the two of you could go the entire trip without talking, you knew that, but that didn’t mean you were ready to act as though the last four years of radio silence didn’t happen. In fact, pretending things didn’t happen was the last thing you’ve been wanting this entire time. 

Jeno lets out a soft sigh at your lack of a verbal response as you instead just slide into the back seat of the car. Jaemin comes around to place a comforting hand on Jeno’s shoulder. “Give her time. It wasn’t just separate colleges that had the two of you grow apart, it was that entire last summer of purposefully avoiding each other. Before you’re upset that you can’t pick up where you left off, remember that 50% of the blame is your own. You stopped talking to her, too. Where you ‘left off’ was not as best friends.” 

Jeno shakes his head. “Don’t worry. I wasn’t expecting us to be that close again.” He states plainly, and the tiniest of frowns flashes across Jaemin’s face before he motions for the two of them to get in the car as well, the ride to the airport filled entirely with music as you stared out the window. 

On the airplane, Jaemin sat in the middle, with Jeno taking the aisle and you the window seat. For a while, all three of you were doing your own separate things, but about an hour and a half into the flight, Jaemin pulled out the nintendo switch, propping it up on the tray table and switching his gaze back and forth between you and Jeno with raised, expectant eyebrows. You wave him off, turning your attention back to the window as Jeno is the one to take the other controller from Jaemin’s hands. Together, they played through three circuits of mariokart before Jaemin finally turned it off and started trying to fall asleep, laying his head against your shoulder. 

It was maybe fifteen minutes later when you feel a tap on your thigh. You quickly turn your attention from the window to the touch, tracing it back up to Jeno. He had booted up the switch again, mariokart waiting on the multiplayer home screen. You look back down to see one of the remotes held out for you in the hand that had gained your attention in the first place. You turn back to look at him; his eyes were wide in anticipation but he looked small as he silently asked for you to play with him. You breathe out a soft sigh, taking the remote from his hand before turning back to him. “I’m going to beat your ass.” You whisper over Jaemin’s head. Jeno turns to face the console rather than you to try and cover up the wide smile that your familiar tease placed on his lips. Unbeknownst to the two of you, the corners of Jaemin’s lips perked up in a grin, too, before he quickly started back on his attempt at falling asleep.

You must have played through every map with Jeno, with it unfortunately being a toss up for who took first on any given circuit. You finally hand him the remote back as he shuts the console down and situates himself so that he can fall asleep, too. You resumed your previous task of staring out the window and listening to music, Jaemin asleep on your shoulder and Jeno on his. Life wasn’t back to normal by a long shot, but a trip to Hawaii wasn’t necessarily normal either - so maybe despite it all, it was going to be okay. 

Hours later, the three of you step into the hotel room which might as well have been a house. Three separate bedrooms and bathrooms for each of you, all connected by a kitchen and living room. With you not getting any sleep on the flight, you immediately started on unpacking and getting ready for bed. Meanwhile, Jaemin and Jeno just threw their bags on the floor and headed down to the bar in the lobby, a common way to kill time that they picked up back in college. 

The next day, the dynamic was much the same. The guys hung around the beach and bar all day while you went for a bike ride down the coast, got a massage, randomly joined the hotel’s ping pong tournament where you were probably too excited to crush a thirteen year old in the finals, and remained pool-side for the rest of the first day. 

When you finally met back up with Jaemin and Jeno, it was for dinner. You were given free drink coupons for winning the ping pong tournament, so you all decided to eat at the hotel restaurant just off the shore. You don’t think you had ever seen the boys as confused as when you told them the story behind the coupons, but they weren’t going to question it if it meant you were willing to share the free drinks with them. 

Dinner itself was still awkward. It was either you talking to Jaemin or Jeno talking to Jaemin, and the other would pretend to be really invested in their food during the other’s conversation. Though, Jaemin didn’t seem bothered. At least, he didn’t push for the two of you to finally get over it and resolve the tension. So, you didn’t, and dinner became a game of you and Jeno trying to avoid eye contact at all costs. 

Regardless, the night quickly came to a close, and when the opportunity arose to join Jaemin and Jeno on the living room couch and watch Forensic Files, you politely declined and turned on the TV in your own bedroom instead. 

Trying to finally fall asleep around midnight would have been a lot easier if it didn’t decide to storm so horrendously. The lightning lit up everything around you as the thunder shook the room violently - or maybe it was just you that was violently shaking. You were never good with storms; they have always terrified you since you were little. Currently, this one had you curled up in a ball sitting atop your bed, silent tears rushing down your cheeks.

It was maybe twenty minutes into the storm when your bedroom door cracked open. You quickly wipe stray tears off your face as you look up to meet the presence standing meekly in the doorframe, their head turned down to face the floor. You knew the silhouette’s body frame, though, and it wasn’t Jaemin’s. 

“Jeno?” You ask hoarsely. 

Slowly, he brings his gaze up to meet yours, sucking on his bottom lip in hesitation before he speaks. “Are you still scared of storms?” He asks softly.

You freeze, wiping your eyes once more to make sure your face was clear of tears. “N-no.” You stammer out, voice cracking as you do. For some reason, Jeno just lets out a light exhale of laughter.

“You would be more convincing if you weren’t sitting in a ball and shaking.” He remarks more playfully. You just drop your face to stare into your knees, not wanting to look at him as you reply with words you couldn’t come back from.

“Please, just- come here.” You say in a near whisper, though Jeno picks up on it immediately. He finally moves from the door frame, stepping inside your room, shutting the door behind him, and joining you on top of your bed. 

He sat beside you, less than a foot away but making sure not to touch you. Despite the fact that it was a considerate gesture, it felt kind of stupid seeing as all your interactions used to start and end with the biggest hugs; and now here you were, needing comfort, and Jeno was scared to touch you. 

“How can I help take your mind off of it?” He asks, and you just shake your head. All this time, and you never figured out much to do other than wait it out in fear. That’s when another bout of lightning strikes, the crack of thunder feeling like it came from right behind you. Immediately, you flinch and start crying some more, and without spending too much time thinking about it, you lean into Jeno’s body at your left.

His breath hitches for the smallest of moments before he immediately wraps your balled figure in his arms, rubbing a comforting hand up and down your back. “Hey, it’s okay.” He says softly. You shake off his attempt to calm you down. 

“I’m terrified, Jeno.” You mumble out weakly, and Jeno just takes a deep breath before pulling you closer to him.

“I know, but I got you.”

At his words, some tension leaves your body. All this time avoiding each other but still all you knew to do was trust Jeno. One of his hands remains running up and down your back, the other tightly wrapped around your body as you speak into his chest. “Were you still awake, too?” You ask, and you feel Jeno shake his head.

“No, but the second the storm woke me up, all I could think about was you and whether or not you were able to fall asleep before it started. I mean, you sleep through this stuff like a rock, but if you aren’t already sleeping when it starts, all you do is shake. I just- needed to come make sure you were okay, or…” He drags off for a second, sucking on his bottom lip as he stares down at you in his arms. “At least, not alone.” 

You let out a heavy breath, not able to tell if you were more mad at the fact that Jeno knew you so well or that something like a storm made you panic and put you in this situation in the first place. “It’s stupid. I’m twenty-two years old. I shouldn’t be scared of storms anymore.” 

“Y/n,” he says, but his soft tone comes with a bite of seriousness. “It’s not stupid. You don’t expect someone who’s afraid of spiders or snakes to ever get over it, no matter how old they are. It’s not childish to be afraid of something. Don’t put yourself in some weird double-standard.” 

You shake your head that’s still buried in his chest. “Those are spiders and snakes - almost everyone finds those scary. These are storms.” You scoff, but Jeno cuts you off there. 

He unravels one arm from around your body to instead place his hand under your chin and direct your tear-glazed gaze back to him, making sure you could see he was serious as he replied. “And they’re scary to you, which is all that matters to me.” 

You quickly begin to cry again, this time because of his words rather than the storm. Your arms let go from their grip around your curled up legs so you can instead wrap them around Jeno’s waist and bury your head back into his chest. He just holds you closer in response, speaking into your hair. “We’ll wait it out together, yeah?” He prompts, but before you could even reply, he’s back to rubbing comforting circles on your skin, not giving you much of a choice. 

He holds you in silence for a little bit, an innumerable amount of thoughts plaguing both of your minds as the storm still raged outside. However, when Jeno couldn’t remember the last big strike of lightning, he began to shift in his spot, an arm unraveling from your body. “I think it’s died down-”

That was as far as he got before he felt your arm grab his wrist and wrap it back around your body. In the darkness, he let the brightest smile reach his face, taking a moment to squeeze you extra tight. That’s when more lightning hit and your figure began to tremble in his arms again, the smallest of whimpers escaping you. Jeno let out a soft sigh, running a hand through your hair. “Don’t worry. I won’t go anywhere.” He says smoothly. Though, as he shuffles slightly to check the time on his watch, he lets out a small exhale of laughter. “But you have to keep me entertained then. What’s new?” He asks playfully, but the question surprises you. New? Nothing on your mind was about anything new in your life and you couldn’t bring yourself to find anything new to talk about. So instead, you squeeze your eyes shut and build up the courage to address the one thing that was very much not new.

“Jeno, what was that all about when we were eighteen?” You ask, the words coming out more firm than any of your others so far that night. 

Jeno’s arms around you stiffen, and he manages to let out a wry laugh. “Do you still think about that?” He asks in return, and you swear you could feel the knife through your chest this time.

“Every day. Am I not supposed to? Did that not matter to you?” You shoot back, finding more emotion with every word. 

Jeno sighs deeply. “Y/n, nothing’s ever mattered to me more than that night…except maybe this one if I can get it right.” He speaks softly, hesitantly, as though he were scared of saying something wrong. He hasn’t yet, though. All he’s done is confuse you.

“What?” You ask, matching his voice level. Jeno shakes his head and you think he’s shutting off completely, but instead he just picks you up from out of the hug and places you so that you’re sitting face-to-face with him. Surprising you, he reaches out his hands and starts idly playing with your fingers. His head was dropped to face his lap, it was like having your touch was his last strength. Then he starts talking.

“Y/n, you’ve kept my heart and mind occupied for the last four years - before that, really. Long before that. The moment I understood what a crush was, I had a crush on you. All that tiny-me wanted to do was hold your hand.” As he says this, he ceases fiddling with your fingers to instead intertwine them with his own; staring at the interlocked hands with a weak grin before promptly pulling away again and dropping his hands to rest in front of his lap. “Um- but I couldn’t because of course that was the one thing Jaemin told me not to do. I couldn’t get involved with you. So, I didn’t, and I pretended to be interested in other girls in high school so that he wouldn’t get suspicious. But then that prom theme was announced and I found my one in - a stupid one, but an in. That was my one chance to do something about the ache in my chest all those years. Except, it really didn’t fix anything at all. We kissed and I haven’t known a day of peace since - my lips long for yours every second of every day. I didn’t date at all in college. Jaemin would tease me about the fact that I was one-half of the hot duo of best friends but never managed to get with a girl, and I didn’t know how to tell him my heart was already yours - that it’s been yours longer than it’s been mine.”

Suddenly, Jeno was making your world slow down again. His smooth voice saying words you didn’t know you needed to hear, bringing light to the dustiest corners of your heart, making you feel whole again, and yet, none of it made sense. “Then why- that morning- why…?” That was all you could get out before the tears previously pricking at the corners of your eyes began to speed down your cheeks. You didn’t need to finish your question though. Jeno knew exactly what you were getting at, and he was already preparing himself to address it before you even brought it up. 

He shakes his head slowly, defeated as he draws back on the past. “I was a stupid eighteen year old kid. Every night, I go back to that morning and think about what I could’ve done differently - what I should’ve done. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t regret letting you walk away. The truth is, I was terrified. I didn’t want to lose either you or Jaemin, and I didn’t know how to address what happened without risking doing so; which feels stupid to say because acting how I did was a direct path to losing you. I never gave either of us the chance for closure and then lost you anyways. Every day since, I wanted to reach out, ask how you were, beg for you to let me back into your life, but I struggled with thinking I was worthy of that in the slightest. I still haven’t forgiven myself for it, I don’t think I deserve to. I don’t ever want to be okay with the fact that I let you walk away from me. I want to make sure I can never make that mistake again. That morning, I thought I could have my cake and eat it, too. I got to kiss you but I never had to let it get out and make Jaemin hate me. I was selfish when I decided not to talk about it that day. That’s the all of it. I was selfish. Which is funny because I was selfish when I asked to kiss you, too. I just don’t know how the same state of being could lead to the best thing I’ve ever done and the worst thing I’ve ever done.”

By the time he finished talking, silent tears were running down his face as well. You had never seen him as broken as he looked before you now, and when lightning flashed through the entire room and thunder rumbled through you, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. All you could care about was Jeno. 

“So, if we went back-” You start, but Jeno had already whipped his head up to face you, his sure gaze looking out of place amidst his tear-stained face.

“I would’ve told you we could talk about it whenever you wanted - whenever you were ready, and if it was that very second, I would’ve started explaining. Every time you’ve made my heart race and my stupid plan that formed the second I heard the theme for prom. How kissing you truly was like fireworks going off and it drove me crazy in all the best ways. How I want to be able to kiss you again and again if you’d let me, and that when Jaemin inevitably finds out, I’d take the blame for everything, but the last thing I’d do is apologize for it. I’d never apologize for loving you, the opposite, actually; I’d shout it out to the streets, people would be tired of hearing how much I care about you.” He manages to let the smallest of laughs play on his lips, but his gaze drops back down to his lap as embarrassment flushes his cheeks. “I mean- I don’t even know if you liked me back, but if you did, that would have been the last time you ever woke up without a goodmorning kiss from me.” 

You let out a light sigh, facing the comforter to hide the weak smile that painted its way across your face. When you finally pick your head back up, your arm moves up with it. Gently, you place a hand on Jeno’s cheek, thumb moving to wipe at the tears under his eyes as you guide his gaze back to you. The two of you held eye contact, your breathing and the rain outside being the only sounds to fill the room before you spoke up with a small encouraging nod. “Jeno, it’s okay to forgive yourself.” You say softly, and you watch as Jeno breaks.

His soft, silent tears turned into him bawling his eyes out, and you watch as he leaned forward, grabbing for you, hiding his face in the fabric of your shirt as his tears stain your shoulder. You wrap your arms around him tightly, occasionally running a hand through his hair as you wait for his sobs to stop. 

When he finally calms down, he pulls back from the hug again, wiping his face clean of tears, and dodging your eye contact. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles out, but you shake your head.

“I forgave you a long time ago...way before I wanted to, but I couldn't help it.” You say seriously, and Jeno finds the strength to meet your gaze again, enough for you to see the shock and question in his eyes. “I wanted to reach out, but I just- never knew how to begin again after all of that.” You continue solemnly. 

Jeno nods his head in contemplation, but soon enough, a small hopeful smile accompanies his features again. “We can start like this.” He says softly. Then he picks you up, turning you around and placing you back down on his lap, his arms wrapping around your torso from behind as his chin rests on your shoulder. “Tell me everything I missed from the last four years.” He prompts, and at every point where you could have fought back, you don’t. Instead, a grin spreads across your face and you just start talking. 

Jeno listens to you talk for what seemed like an hour at least, and in turn you do the same as he recounts every story from college that Jaemin hadn’t already told you…and some that he had - if it was a crime to enjoy listening to Jeno talk, then so be it. Though, once you caught each other up to speed, neither of you were content with heading to bed. Instead, you continued to talk about everything imaginable. The storm outside could have raged on, you weren’t aware. The only worry you had was whether you and Jeno were laughing so loud that it would wake up Jaemin. 

Eventually, the two of you had moved so that Jeno’s legs were laid out in front of him and your head was on his lap as you lay down perpendicular to his figure. You were in the middle of talking about obscure superpowers you would want, and why your choice was much better than Jeno’s. You rambled for who knows how long, but you finally look up to meet Jeno’s soft gaze, a corner of his mouth perked up in a smirk that you couldn’t describe as anything else but fond. Immediately, you cut yourself off, furrowing your brows at Jeno as you change the subject. “Stop looking at me like that.” You say, and Jeno seems to visibly snap back to the present moment.

“Like what?�� He questions genuinely, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Like you want to kiss me.” You reply plainly. 

Jeno lets out a small laugh, shaking his head. “Well, I do want to kiss you, it’s not just a look.” He says, taking one of his hands to brush your hair out of your face. 

You sigh, turning your head away to face the wall rather than him. “Jeno, I can’t fold that quickly. Not after four years of building up walls.” You say in a near whisper. 

His smirk fades as he purses his lips, hurt flashing across his features as he thinks back on the past four years. He swallows harshly, still running his fingers through your hair as he responds. “I know. I’m not asking you to. It’s my fault they’re there in the first place. You just asked what my look was about, so I figured I should tell you. I’ll try not to make it so obvious. I don’t mean to make things awkward between us now.” 

As he finishes talking, you move to face him again, brows furrowed in confusion and you realize you never addressed one specific thing he said. “Jeno, you won’t make things awkward between us. You said you don’t know if I even liked you back during senior year but- Jeno, I’ve had a crush on you for forever. I’ve always liked you back. I liked you back before I even knew I was liking you ‘back.’ I didn’t care - you were everything I ever wanted growing up, and though you’re an idiot sometimes, you still are.” At your words, tension visibly leaves Jeno’s body, small smiles teasing at both your lips as you make eye contact.

“Y/n, I know we’re still getting over years of hurt, and my actions meant you had it a lot worse but- if you really mean it, I’ll wait forever for your walls to come down again. It’s just you for me.” 

You sit back upright again, facing Jeno and trying not to think about how red your face felt and therefore probably was. “Just give me a little bit of time. When I get tired of you staring at me like that and not actually kissing me, I’ll talk to Jaemin. It’ll be a much easier conversation for him to have with me than if it were with you. Then the second he agrees to get rid of his stupid rule, I’m running right to you and kissing your pretty lips. Just give me some more time to heal.” 

Jeno nods, his crescent-eyed smile revealing itself for the first time since the trip started. “You have all the time in the world.” He reassures, but you just laugh a little bit, not missing an opportunity to tease him.

“Well, I should probably figure things out before we’re old and gray. ‘All the time in the world’ might not be the best-” He cuts you off, shaking his head.

“Nope. Not a problem. Not when time stops while I’m with you.” He replies confidently, and you freeze as your teasing attempt gets turned on its head. 

“Oh, shut up.” You say playfully, and when Jeno’s cheeks puff out as he smiles in response, you don’t think twice before leaning forward and pressing a small kiss to one of them. You immediately dodge eye contact as you pull back, but Jeno doesn’t let you off the hook that easily. He grabs at one of your hands, pulling your body back to face him and his stupid perfect smile.

“I so got you.” He says, but instead of a hint of arrogance covering his words, they’re spoken as though he can’t believe his luck. You duck your head, laughing a little. 

“Give me time - if not to get over my hurt then at least to build up courage to talk to Jaemin. Besides, I’d like to spend some more time with you under the best-friend label again anyways. I’ve missed it.” You say, and Jeno nods, already on the same wavelength as you. 

You don’t question it when the best-friend label looks a little different the rest of the night than it has in the past. Neither you nor Jeno had any intention of going to bed anymore, but that didn’t change the fact that laying down was the comfiest position, and if that came with Jeno spooning you as you both continued to talk about every topic in existence, well…you were just really close best friends. 

When you look over at the nightstand and realize a bright 6:28 on the clock is facing you back, you figure it was an acceptable time to actually start the morning. “You wanna go make coffee?” You ask plainly. You had reached the point where you’ve been without sleep for so long that it felt like you were fully energized again, completely ready to start the day. Jeno seemed to have been the same way, because your regular tone as opposed to your previously light, soft statements didn’t faze him. Although, he seemed thoroughly against your idea of getting up, shaking his head as he spoke.

“I can’t hold you if we’re out there.” He says through a pout, causing you to laugh. The two of you managed to find your way back to sitting up during the early hours of the morning, and he currently had you locked in your position on his lap, with no intentions of letting go. 

You run your hands over his arms around you, the light touch sending shivers throughout Jeno’s body. “You’ve held me for the past six hours. I think you should be sick of it by now.” You reply playfully, but Jeno just raises his eyebrows in suspicion. 

“Are you sick of it yet?” He teases, and all you can do is purse your lips because you knew he just won. 

Instead of giving him an answer, you just start trying to unravel his arms from around your body. “Not relevant.” You say through a smile. “Come on, Jen. Let’s make coffee.” 

Within milliseconds, Jeno has let you go and is up off the bed. “Okay! Let’s go!” He replies in a rush. You stare at him in confusion, wondering what had him flip so quickly. 

“Are you okay?” You ask with a laugh. Jeno just gives you the biggest crescent-eyed smile. 

“You called me ‘Jen.’” 

Your eyebrows remain raised, though now it’s more so because of skepticism rather than confusion. “You’re all giddy because I took one letter off your name?” You question, and Jeno just ducks his head to avoid eye contact with you. You roll your eyes instead. “Remind me in the future not to give you any pet names. Not if you’re already like this over ‘Jen.’” You tease, but Jeno shoots his head back up to look at you, betrayal crossing his features. You let out a light laugh. “I’m kidding. Let’s go.” You say, and Jeno finds his smile again as he grabs your hand to pull you out of bed, your fingers instantly falling from each other the second you open your bedroom door and step into the living area. 

Jeno motions for you to sit down at the table while he makes his way behind the counter and to the coffee machine. You watch as he grabs two mugs, and you know he’s starting on making your coffee first so it can cool down a bit while his own brews. You study his figure intently, a grateful smile coming onto your face as you duck your head, taking in the fact that this was another chance at the morning after prom, except this time, you’ve already done all the talking; now he just gets to make coffee and keep your already full heart company. 

You think the second coffee was halfway through brewing by the time you look back up towards Jeno. You freeze when you realize he was already staring at you, his features soft. He can’t stop the smile, nor the blush, from coming onto his face as you look back at him, and he immediately directs his attention back to the coffee machine, shaking his head as his smile grows bigger the more he dwells on the moment, and you know he’s thinking the same thing you were, this time thanking his lucky stars that you were still sitting there smiling back at him. 

Soon, it was just you and Jeno sitting across from each other, drinking coffee, watching the sun rise through the window, occasionally kicking each other’s feet underneath the table, and continuing with your never ending conversation. You were on your second round of coffee, Jeno on his third, when another bedroom door opens and Jaemin walks out lazily. Your face falls into concern as you fade out of your conversation with Jeno. “Hey, Jaem. Sorry if we were the reason you woke up.” You say genuinely, but he shakes it off.

“No, you’re all good. There was just some laughing that-” He cuts himself off, finally seeming to focus his attention on the scene in front of him. “Laughing? You guys are talking?” He questions, his tired expression immediately off his face.

You and Jeno share matching smiles as you stare back at Jaemin. “We were both up early and decided maybe holding grudges was not the thing to do in paradise.” Jeno replies, taking a moment to move his gaze from Jaemin and back over to you softly. You miss it though, just nodding along with his words as you watch relief wash over your brother. 

“Thank god.” He breathes out with a laugh, getting you and Jeno to chuckle as well. Immediately, Jaemin is grabbing his own coffee and sitting down with you both, hardly caring about it not even being eight in the morning yet because his best friends were back. 

The three of you sat around the table drinking too much coffee for about another hour before deciding to go on a walk along the coast. Jaemin was still in the middle, with you and Jeno and either end, but it was no longer to stifle the tension. Instead, conversation flowed as it always had between the three of you since you were five years old. Suddenly, the idea of having maybe canceled on the graduation trip just because Jeno was going to be here felt nauseating. This was how it was always meant to be, the three of you together and Jaemin at least playing the part of oblivious to the feelings you and Jeno could hardly suppress. Truthfully, there was no reason for Jaemin to be suspicious. Looking at the bigger picture, if he hadn’t suspected something was up during your high school years, there’s no way he would be able to tell that those very same feelings were still very much there.

When Jaemin suggested lunch a few hours later, you politely declined. “I actually think I’m gonna go up to the room and take a nap for a bit.” You say casually, though Jaemin looks at you as if you had two heads.

“A nap? You never take naps.” He shoots back in confusion. You let out a small laugh, knowing he wasn’t wrong, but then you bring your gaze back up to meet his own with a light shake of your head.

“I didn’t sleep because of the storm last night, so I’m pretty exhausted still.” You reply, but the confusion doesn’t leave Jaemin’s face.

“It stormed last night?!” He questions, apparently having slept through any trace of it. You and Jeno let out a laugh, nodding your heads.

“Yeah, it was pretty bad.” You answer, and Jaemin flashes his eyebrows in recognition before he turns back to you with worry in his eyes.

“Were you okay?” He asks, hints of guilt in his voice knowing how badly storms scared you while he was just sleeping peacefully through it. You quickly rid him of any worry, though, a small smile coming onto your face as you nod.

“Yeah,” you start softly, and it takes everything in you to not look over at Jeno and surely give away what exactly happened last night. “I was okay.” 

Jaemin’s shoulders visibly lose tension as he takes in your positive answer, then he nods his head. “Okay. Well, you can go back up to the room, then. Text us whenever you wake up and we’ll let you know where we’re at-” He says, but Jeno jumps in.

“Actually, Jaemin, I think a few more hours of sleep would do wonders for me, too.” He says with a chuckle. The statement surprises both you and Jaemin, though Jeno continues without missing a beat. “Would you be okay if I went up to the room for a bit, too?” 

Whereas you were worried Jaemin would start putting things together, he just shrugged, his reply full of sarcasm. “Oh no, I’m alone in paradise and the bar has already opened for the day.” He says with raised uninterested eyebrows. “I think I’ll be just fine.” 

The three of you share a bit of laughter before you and Jeno break from Jaemin to go back up to the hotel. You waste no time in slipping right back into pajamas and under the covers, your fatigue fully hitting once you were actually laying down again. Within seconds though, your bedroom door opens and in comes Jeno, pajamas adorning his figure as well. He wastes no time in making his way directly next to you in bed. You just watch as he immediately clings to you, wrapping an arm around your torso and shutting his eyes tight. You let out a small laugh - you should’ve known. “You’re an idiot.” You say playfully, and Jeno opens his eyes back up to stare at you with a pout.

“So, I can’t stay?” He asks, almost completely in defeat if you couldn’t pick up on the hint of playfulness he also shared in his tone.

You roll your eyes, speaking plainly. “You can, but we’re actually sleeping this time. You’re the reason I’m so tired in the first place.”

With your positive response, Jeno instantly pulled you closer to him, but he doesn’t let you take a stab at him that easily. “That wasn’t me, that was the storm.” He replies confidently, but you can practically see the smirk adorning his face, regardless of you being turned away from him. You shake your head with a smile, flipping around in his arms so that he was forced on his back, with you taking up half of his chest so you could face him. 

His familiar smirk was, in fact, painted across his lips, a slight tease in his eyes as he stared back at you. All at once, a wave of extreme consciousness hits you and you realize the only reason you moved to face him was because you were fully intending to kiss him after his remark. You feel your face go beet red and you immediately hide it in his chest. Jeno was oblivious to the internal battle you had put yourself through, figuring this was just how you wanted to sleep. He gently ran one hand through your hair before wrapping both his arms around your body and humming contently against the top of your head. 

You instantly decide that you couldn’t look back up and face Jeno right now, so you accept the fact that you were going to fall asleep listening to the drumbeat of his heart. What surprises you is the fact that, for as long as you were awake, his heart rate never seemed to calm down; and what you didn’t know is that he looked at you sound asleep in his arms for far too long before he could convince himself that it may be worth missing this moment in front of him to actually get some sleep, too. 

When you eventually wake up, you haven’t moved an inch from where you fell asleep on Jeno’s chest. His breathing was still stable, and a peek up at him confirmed he was still sleeping. A soft smile forms on your face at the sight of him, his hair all messy again from being against the pillow and making him look extra cute rather than hot and bothersome. You move your gaze over to the clock on the nightstand, letting you know that you had been asleep for almost two hours, and you figure the most important thing to do was step out from your bedroom and make sure Jaemin didn’t come back to the hotel and realize Jeno wasn’t in his own room.

So, you snake out of Jeno’s arms, trying your best not to wake him up. His arms fall from around you to on top of his own chest, but it doesn’t seem to disturb him, and you take that as a sign to continue silently sneaking out of your bedroom. You do a quick check around the hotel room, breathing a little easier seeing that none of it seemed touched by your brother recently. However, looking at your phone, you’re greeted with unread messages from Jaemin, asking how long you were going to be out for and if you all could catch the movie night on the shore that the hotel was hosting later on. 

You shoot back a text saying that you just woke up and would go bother Jeno until he was out of bed, too, adding on that the movie night sounded great. Then, you make your way back to your room to actually go bother Jeno until he woke up. 

However, bothering him looked a lot different than how you would typically bother Jaemin. Gently, you let your fingers glide through his hair, his soft hums in response causing you to smile. You move your hand down to instead brush against his cheek, and knowing that he was awake, though he had yet to open his eyes, you start talking softly. “Hey, you ready to get up?” You ask, though it wasn’t much of a question. 

Jeno shakes his head, his eyes still squeezed shut. “Not really. How long has it been?” He asks, his voice low and grainy, and suddenly you’re glad he hasn’t opened his eyes yet to see how red your face has gotten because of it. 

“Almost two hours.” You reply lightly, and Jeno takes an extra long inhale just to let out a deep sigh. “Come on, Jen.” You continue, gently rubbing the back of your hand across his cheek. At the nickname, Jeno finally gives in, peeking one eye open to look at you before his face turns red and he opens both eyes with a small smile. “What?” You question with furrowed brows.

Jeno shakes his head. “Nothing. I just- like you being the first thing I see when I wake up.” He says through his smile, and you just roll your eyes. 

“You’re really bad at being just a best friend.” You tease, and Jeno’s smile turns playful.

“I’d say ‘I’ll work on it,’ but I’m not trying to be just a best friend long enough for it to matter.” He replies, and the blush races to cover your face again, too. 

“You’re actually the worst.” You shoot back, the grin still on your face. 

Jeno smirks at you, but the look in his eyes is fond. “You don’t mean that.” He counters, and you drop your head to face your lap, knowing he wasn’t wrong.

“Whatever.” You say with a laugh as you turn to start exiting your room again. “Please get out of bed before Jaemin gets bored and comes back to the room. He’s already texted me asking how long we’ll be. And I’m serious, going back up to the room to take a nap while I did is the last suspicious thing you can do on this trip.” 

Jeno matches your laugh, putting his hands up in defeat. “Okay, okay, fine. But it’s not my fault you’re the prettiest girl in the world. What am I supposed to do? Not have the biggest crush on you? That’s not an option.” 

You freeze and slowly bring your body back around to face Jeno. The instant your gaze meets his easy smirk, your head is facing the floor and your tongue darts out to lick your lips for a moment as you convince yourself not to give in with every breath. He lets out a heavy exhale that was meant to be laughter as he finally slides out of bed and walks up to where you were, placing the lightest kiss on the top of your head. “That’ll be the last of it.” He says softly, then making his way to freshen up before the two of you meet with Jaemin again. 

To your surprise, Jeno followed instructions well. The rest of the night included zero stolen touches or longing stares. Instead, it reflected any given night from your high school careers, and while you still could hardly stand the ache in your chest that popped up any time you were around Jeno, you wouldn’t have traded it for the world, because the three of you were happy all at the same time again - only slightly aided by the gelato in your hands and the old Disney movie projected on the screen set up by the shore. 

It was sometime after midnight when you all finally got back to the hotel room, and as Jaemin showered, Jeno stood at your bedroom door and begged for you to let him sneak in during the night and sneak back out early the next morning. You stared at him in disinterest, or at least tried to. “I’m not letting you sleep with me while Jaemin is across the hall. I’m sure you can control yourself for one night, Jeno.” You say, figuring starting out with ‘one night’ would be more effective than telling him he’d have to control himself for a huge chunk of the foreseeable future.

Jeno pouted, but when you just raise your eyebrows at him in response, he knows he’s lost, slumping back over to his own room and leaving you to get ready for the night. 

It was a little after breakfast the next morning when you all found yourselves back at the beach. The two boys stayed lounging on the chairs in the sand, claiming they were waiting for the sun to actually come out and heat up the ocean a bit before they would get in. You rolled your eyes at them, entering the water with ease as you spent some time by yourself. 

“Jeno, you’re staring at my sister.” Jaemin’s even voice cuts through the air, bringing Jeno back to reality and making him conscious of the fact that he truly was staring at you. Instead of getting embarrassed, he lets out a small defeated laugh.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to stare at her…just getting used to having her in my life again.” Jeno didn’t care if his statement implied that he would previously stare at you all of the time, too - he was tired of lying anyways. Jaemin just nods slowly, moving his gaze from Jeno and over to you some distance away in the water.

“You know, I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I know it was your fault.” Jaemin continues, his tone not giving any hint as to his emotions. There was no playful tease hidden in his statement, nor was there even a trace of contempt. For the first time, Jeno thought, Jaemin was unreadable, and he didn’t know how to take it.

“Ouch.” Jeno replies through an exhale meant to double as laughter.

“Am I wrong?” Jaemin asks casually. 

Jeno shoots his gaze somewhere off to the side, his face finally losing the bits of playfulness he tried so hard to keep in the situation. “...no.” He replied in almost a whisper, and Jaemin lets something of a grimace cross his features. 

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, his gaze constantly shifting between you and Jeno before it falls to face his own lap with a sigh. “Don’t hurt her again.” He finally says monotonously, but the mention of ‘again’ has Jeno whipping his head towards him. Jaemin dodges his gaze, just continues speaking. “That’s always been the one reason to have that stupid rule since we were kids. I don’t have anything against you. You’re my best friend. I trust you probably more than anyone with her.” He says, and it’s then that he lifts his gaze to stare back at a wide-eyed Jeno, making sure he could tell he was serious as he continued. “I just don’t want her getting hurt, and I knew no one would hurt her as much as you if things went wrong.” 

Jeno swallows hard, he couldn’t tell if the weight of the world was currently falling off of his shoulders or crashing onto them. The shock he previously bore on his face almost immediately falls into remorse as he thinks about Jaemin’s words. “I’m sorry for hurting her the first time.” He says firmly, this time Jeno being the one to make sure Jaemin could feel the sincerity of his statement. 

To Jeno’s surprise, Jaemin finally lets out a small laugh to accompany his nod, directing his gaze back to you in the ocean. “I know.” He replies, and a wave of relief washes over Jeno as he’s able to crack a small grateful smile, too. Though, some parts of Jaemin’s words were still poking at the back of Jeno’s mind. 

“How long have you known that I liked her?” He asks weakly, dreading how many more stupid past decisions he had no reason to make as a futile attempt to hide his feelings - how many lies he didn’t need to tell, should Jaemin have already known anyway. 

Jaemin dispels his worry, shaking his head. “Part of me saw it as inevitable, so there was always a gut feeling, but I never knew how you felt towards her with any confidence while we were growing up. It’s just- two best friends don’t stop talking immediately after prom for no reason. I figured feelings finally had to have gotten involved that night.” Jeno nods his head solemnly, opening his mouth to reply but Jaemin cuts him off. “Don’t apologize again.” He says with a laugh as Jeno flicks his gaze back up to him. “I don’t want to hear another apology and I don’t want to know what happened. Just- don’t hurt her again, that’s all I ask.” 

Jeno’s gaping mouth turns into a soft understanding smile, and he looks back out to finally face you again. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Jeno debated telling you about his conversation with Jaemin for the rest of vacation. The second it happened, he wanted to run right to you, tell you that Jaemin wouldn’t mind if the two of you were together, and immediately make you his girl. However, he knew that you really wanted to have your own eventual conversation about it with Jaemin, and when you decide you’re ready to have said conversation and move things along with Jeno was not his own call to make. So, he kept it to himself, but now when he would stare at you as though you were the entire world, it wasn’t Jaemin’s attention he was afraid of catching, it was yours…cause the last thing he was going to do was break his promise to you about suspicious stuff. 

That of course meant that for the rest of vacation, you were clueless as to what had put such a giant, permanent grin on Jeno’s face. His crescent-eyed smile was more present than ever, and for the boy who you came to learn knew no anger, it was starting to seem like he knew nothing but happiness at all - how were you to know that you were the reason why?

 You were expecting the day after you got back from Hawaii to be boring at best, with nothing to do but unpack your luggage…and maybe also your feelings. You dreaded the idea of putting away over a week’s worth of clothes knowing that this closet wasn’t part of some hotel in Ko’Olina, but your own home. 

However, Jaemin quickly saved you from the torture, standing in the doorway and waiting for you to turn your attention to him. The second you realize he’s there, you turn off your music, facing him again with expectant eyebrows…which strangely matched his own. He had a smirk painted across his lips as he leaned against the doorframe and you had a gut-feeling you wouldn’t like where this was going. 

“Are you going to talk to me about Jeno yet?” He asks casually, and your stomach drops as your eyes widen. You quickly return your attention to folding the laundry on your bed. 

“What about Jeno?” You reply with a light laugh, trying to play it cool, but Jaemin just shakes his head, finally moving towards you with more intent. 

“Y/n, I’ve watched you fall in love with him every time he’s walked through our front door since we were five.” He replies, the statement falling from his lips as though he didn’t even have to think about it - cause he wasn’t lying. Your face drops and your hands fall idly at your side rather than messing with your clothes. 

“I’m not in love with him.” You say weakly, but you knew better, too. You could feel the way your face would glow every time you laid eyes on him, and Jaemin knew you even better than you knew yourself. Whatever defense you could build, he’s already seen right through. 

“I wouldn’t be mad if you were, you know?” 

You freeze at his words, sighing deeply before turning to look at your brother. “Jaem, are you trying to get me to tell you things you already know?” You watch as a small grin reaches his face again.

“It would be nice to hear it from you, yeah.” 

You shake your head, quickly losing the courage to look at him. “I don’t understand why you’re not mad. What you’re trying to get me to admit is the exact thing you made rules against.” 

Jaemin rolls his lips inward before shaking his head. “Yeah well, being mad at my sister is not my favorite thing in the world, so I try to avoid it unless absolutely necessary.” He says lightly, but when you still can’t meet his gaze, he sighs, adding on. “This is not one of those times…Besides, what I was trying to prevent in making that rule has already happened despite it, so it doesn’t much matter now.” 

You process Jaemin’s words with pursed lips. “You didn’t want me getting hurt.” You softly claim, though you let it hang as a question for Jaemin to confirm.

“No, I didn’t. Though, since it’s already happened and you seemed to have made it through just fine, I’d rather not care about whether or not you’re hurt as much as whether or not you’re happy.” 

You finally turn to look back at your brother again, his eyebrows raised expectantly. As you make eye contact, he unravels his arms from where they were crossed against his chest to instead hold them out for you to fall into, which you do; stepping into his hug as comfort immediately washes over you. “Jeno makes me really happy.” You say, and admitting that to Jaemin in this context seemed to finally settle the ground beneath your feet, like the entire world was waiting for your confession.

Jaemin laughs a bit, holding you slightly tighter in the hug. “I know. You make him really happy, too.” When Jaemin realizes you don’t intend to respond to that, he lets out a light sigh. “So…you should probably go to him and be all happy together, yeah?” He continues playfully. You whip your head out of his chest to look up at him.

“Are you sure you’re okay if your sister dates your best friend?” You ask seriously, though by now, a huge smile has made its way across your lips. Jaemin scrunches his face, looking back down at you.

“Maybe refrain from saying it like that and yeah, I’ll be okay. Besides, he’s our best friend, not just mine.” At his words, you’re practically jumping to get out of Jaemin’s arms, and he lets you go with a laugh. You scramble for your phone, immediately calling Jeno, who picks up on the first ring. 

“Hello.” His voice cuts through the speaker as you’re already rushing out of your room.

“Go outside!” You command, and you hear Jeno’s laugh on the other end.

“What? Why?” He responds playfully, but you don’t take it.

“Go outside! I’m serious!” You reply.

“Chill, I went outside the second you told me to the first time. What’s this about?” He asks, but you’re too busy running through the downstairs and to the front door, trying not to crash into any furniture. You open the front door and turn to your left towards Jeno’s house two doors down. As soon as he makes eye contact with you, he hangs up the phone, but he doesn’t have time to question the huge smile on your face before you’re already darting towards him, and he seems to finally understand where this is going as he prepares himself to catch you. 

As predicted, your run towards him only ends when you jump into his waiting arms, your legs wrapping around his torso as he spins you around once before resting his forehead against yours. “Kiss me, Jeno.” You breathe out, and Jeno wastes no time. There it was again, the fireworks, and the feeling in your chest that you never wanted this moment to end. 

“About time.” Your mom says, peeking out from the doorframe where Jaemin was standing and watching the two of you. 

Jaemin drops his head with a small laugh. “Yeah, about time.”

[writtenbymkl]

jeno and that one live

genre: idol! jeno , comedy? 〜(＞＜)〜

featuring: jeno x reader

a/n: this live literally had me in tears bc the comments nd the tiktok videos were like “phew good luck man, you’ll be blowing up the toilet soon” LIKE ??? and then i commented on a tiktok saying “i usually eat 3-5 and i feel amazing after” to mean that like .. I FEEL FINE , and i dont blow up the bathroom but someone was like “oh i bet u do” LIKE MAN COME ON (ToT)

[juhaknyeonies]

incarnation | lee jeno (ft na jaemin)

summary: its always been him, always him for you. you’re entire life was based on him. the carnations were your guide. the petals followed behind. one day it wasn’t about him. you have never felt such relief in your life.

genre: angst - unrequited love, romance

warning: toxic relationship

wc: 4k (3,916)

a/n: there is another ending for jaemin linked

white carnation

That day in school when I met you, you greeted me in the playground. We played around for hours. We play every single game you could imagine. Hide and Seek was definitely my favourite game to play with you because you were so bad at it that you begged me not to play it and we would play your favourite game instead, tag. It was only fun for you because you were a fast runner, I was not. But I kept running so you would be happy playing this game until our parents came to pick us up. You were also the kindest person I’ve ever met, the day I scraped my knee on the playground and you were there with a spiderman band-aid and you put it on me, you cared for me so much and told me clean it properly when I got home even if it did sting a lot. It was a lot better than an infection that would be 10x worse than it was now, I went home and did exactly what you said. I still remember those moments. I remember them because we sat by those white flowers. They were the prettiest flowers you have ever seen. I think that day I saw something prettier than those flowers and I still think that way. Ever since that day carnations have been your favourite flower. I begged my parents to let me grow some carnations, the white one specifically. I grew them to give to you. You loved them so much I was so proud of myself. I loved this feeling. Maybe this was the day that started it all.

“Jeno!!” I ran towards you. The park we played in when we were 9 is a nostalgic thing to think about. “Look! Do you like my flowers!” I held out a bouquet of white carnations. “Oh I love these flowers!” You took them from my hands and stared at them. I admired your face while you looked at them. You loved my flowers so much I couldn’t disturb you. “How did you learn to grow them? That’s so cool,” He took one of the flowers out of the bouquet and gave it to me. “I had my mum help me,” You should come back my house and grow flowers with me,” I suggested. You were about to answer but your bestfriend came running over to you. “Jenooooo!” A boy with brown fluffy hair hugged him from behind. “Is this your girlfriend?” He asked. “No, we’re just friends.” You flashed him your cute eye smile. “Well if she’s not your girlfriend I can have these flowers.” He took it off of Jeno but he grabbed it back. “Why don’t you get your own flowers instead.” Jeno checked the flowers to see if they were okay from Jaemin’s rough hands. “Can you grow me some flowers too?” He asked. “Of course,” I answered smiling. “How about you two come over to my house and we can grow flowers together.” I invited them over. “We should go!” Jaemin convinced Jeno to come over and grow some flowers with me. Sometimes I’m glad Jaemin was there and I’m grateful that he was your bestfriend. But in all honesty, I didn’t want him here.

When you and Jaemin came over to my house we headed straight to my backyard. Jaemin kept complimenting the flowers grown in my garden. My mum was there supervising us. You looked at it quietly admiring its beauty. I did the same but at you. While we were staring Jaemin and my mum had gotten seeds out from my shed and we planted them together. You planted more white carnations while I planted heliotropes. You were planting them with Jaemin and I was planting them with my mum. You planted them so gently I thought you were an angel, you do look like one. When I was done planting I got up and you know what happened next. I tripped over the wooden fencing and fell straight into the bag of soil and my leg landed on the metal rake. Jaemin came straight to my side and cleaned me up while you helped my mum clean up the mess I made when I tripped. Jaemin cleaned my face trying his best to get rid of all the soil on my face. There was a lot and we ended up making a mess getting rid of it. I had a massive bruise and scratch on my legs and Jaemin had grabbed a paper towel and cleaned it up while you were just happily chatting to my mum not even seeming the littlest bit concerned. Jaemin was always there though. Why did he notice me and not you. “I managed to get some flowers and make a bouquet.” He grabbed flowers from his pocket. God knows how he did that. He gave them to me I took them but it didn’t feel right. “Thank you Jaemin,” I replied smiling at him. You came back in and you’re parents had come to pick you up. We had a quick good bye before my mum forced me to take a shower. I had fun that day.

red carnation

When we got into middle school me, you, Jaemin and my bestfriend, Sihyun were all super close. I know people envied our friendship because it was so strong. I heard everything people said about us. During this time I had grasped an understanding of love. A feeling I only linked to you. Despite what people said I loved you, not him. In class when we had a seating plan I wouldn’t stare at the board but at the back of your head. The person next to me, Jaemin would keep trying to distract me from “learning”. “Jaemin, I’m learning I need to pass this test. I’m trying to get into the same high school you’re going too on a scholarship because it’s so expensive.” I explained to him. “You know if you don’t get in, I can always pay for you.” Jaemin suggested. “No, do you know how expensive that school is?” I shut his idea down. “Yea, but I’m super rich so it’s okay. I can pay for anything.” He proudly boasted his money. “Well Mr Rich keep it down, you’re gonna get in trouble with the teacher.” I warned him.

As soon as class ended I had gone straight to you, “Jeno let’s go study in the library,” I grabbed your hand and led him to our school’s library. You didn’t mind since you liked the library and I knew that. Jaemin had finally left us alone as he was hanging out with Sihyun. I liked being alone with you. These moments were rare. Of course we talked to each other alone afterschool online but rarely in person since your schedule was so busy with your dancing and all the other activities you did. That made me admire you so much even when I thought I couldn’t admire you more than I already did. We studied and I taught you everything you didn’t understand. You were stuck on a certain question that even I couldn’t figure out. It took us a long time until I had finally come up with an answer. We finished the rest of the questions easily but when we looked at the answer sheet the question we were stuck on was correct while some of the easy questions were wrong. We laughed it off and started discussing how we might have gotten it wrong. “I didn’t know we had to simplify it.” I commented. “Exactly they should have made it clear we had to do that.” You complained about it. We started a new sheet of question but I chose the harder one. I wasn’t struggling with my questions but I saw you were so I started helping you and explained everything in detail. “You’re so smart!” You told me. “You’re definitely getting the scholarship.” I was flustered at the compliment. “You’re catching up to me I think you could get the scholarship too,” I reassured him. “I really hope I get it. Otherwise I won’t be able to go to the same school as Sihyun.” You said. “Jaemin wants me to go to the school so badly he offered to pay for me.” Our combined dream of getting into that highschool made us study harder until the extrance exam day.

Sihyun had came into the library looking for us. I know she was looking for you though. She liked you, and everyone knew it. Everyone around us always thought you had a thing for her which made me sad. We walked past some red carnations. You stared at them and commented on how I have these flowers in my garden. I did, they were newly grown I had just grown them this year. Sihyun pick up one of the flowers and handed them to you. She grabbed another one and put it in your hair. “Jeno, the flower in your hair looks so adorable!” She gushed over you. I felt like I was third-wheeling. “Yea, I think you really suit flowers.” I had awkwardly complimented you. Both of you didn’t pick up on how awkward I felt so thank god for that. You and Sihyun were both laughing and talking about flowers and occasionally asking me for all the flower facts while I had just admired the flowers and especially the flower in your hair. It was extremely awkward for me here but I acted like I wasn’t phased. I always acted like this anyways so you guys didn’t notice. You both never noticed. You were so comfortable talking to her I actually felt like I wasn’t there and I was just walking by myself. Jaemin had caught up to us and saved me from feeling more awkward than I possibly could. “You seem awkward,” He whispered into my ear. “I am but I don’t wanna disturb them.” I whispered back. I don’t get how he always knew how I was feeling. I ended up just talking to Jaemin the entire time. Actually we ended up splitting off going in different directions but you didn’t realise since you were busy talking to Sihyun. Before we split off I gave Sihyun a wink and she understood it instantly. I do love you but Sihyun is a precious friend and I’d do anything to keep her happy for my happiness. You were also really happy with her too so even though I had really strong feelings for you I let you go with Sihyun. Sometimes I wish I did something. Jaemin was there to cheer me up though. He was always there.

When it was the day of the extrance exam we both went together and sat down next to each other. The exam went on for 2 hours. Of course I had high hopes for myself knowing I’d most likely get in but I worried for you. I noticed how much you were struggling during the exam. I patted you on the back and said you did well. I know you did well, you always try your best. I admire that about you. When the results came in you didn’t get in. I did though. I had gotten the top mark for the entrance exam. It was an amazing feeling but my heart couldn’t help but feel bad for you. All our friends went to you cheering you up instead of congratulating me. Jaemin did though. I guess you were pretty popular in class and everyone just saw me as the girl you hung out with. “Your so smart you got in!” Jaemin celebrated with me. “Yea, but Jeno didn’t get in,” I said. “Now he can’t go to the same school as us.” I told him my worries. “Don’t worry maybe I can think of something.” Jaemin reassured me. “Actually I have an idea.” I told him. “You pay for my tutition and I gave out my scholarship.” I explained to him. “Are you sure? You get special perks with the scholarship?” He asked. “Yeah, plus you offered to pay for me anyways it’s not that bad.” 2 days later you were accepted into the school. You were so happy you celebrated in class and we were all happy for you. That night I received a thank you text from you and a fully paid tutition by the Na family.

yellow carnation

In highschool you had finally gotten into your first relationship with Sihyun. Everyone had been rooting for you. It was destined to happened. Of course I was sad. I actually cried about it the moment I got home. I wasn’t rejected in person but I knew I definitely missed my chance with you. Not like I ever had the chance anyways. Jaemin noticed how said I was. He did everything to cheer me up. I told him I was sad because you both stopping hanging out with us as often as we use to. Always on dates. Always told us you were busy. Always kept to yourself. I was tired of it and missed my bestfriends. It took a toll on me knowing I wouldn’t see you as often as I wanted too. Jaemin was also quite sad about it. Seeing me sad and having you cancel plans with him. Eventually me and you stopped being so close. I was still close with Sihyun but I noticed her putting some distance between us. I understood immediately and kept my distance from you. I never once told Sihyun how I was feeling about the both you feeling so distance from me. Jaemin spoke up though. I remember the fallout so vividly. Jaemin and Sihyun never spoke to eachother again after that. Me and you had to split them apart. Both Jaemin and Sihyun kept pulling me to your side telling me to leave the other. For some reason they both never did this to you. It was so stressful I had nightmares about it. “You always keep Jeno to you and its always you! What do you own him?” Jaemin yelled at Sihyun. “He’s my boyfriend and I wanna spend time with him!” Sihyun yelled back. “It’s not my fault he doesn’t wanna hang out with you!” Jaemin was livid. “Yea but that doesn’t mean you have to ignore me and your bestfriend who has been on your side for years now!” He went off. “Your a selfish bitch who doesn’t even let her boyfriend hang out with their closest friends.” Sihyun was so taken aback. “You fucking slut maybe you aren’t just as close anymore and you can’t handle it! Maybe if you weren’t so annoyingly clingly Jeno would wanna hang with you!” Sihyun was about to hit Jaemin but I stepped in and took the hit. “That’s enough both of you,” I split them up. I took Jaemin’s hand and led him away. I had a bruise on me from the hit. “You didn’t have to do that,” I told him. “No, you didn’t have to do that, you got hurt.” He worried for me. “Yea but you would’ve gotten hurt though.” I sat down near the yellow carnations. “These flowers are pretty.” I commented. “Don’t change the subject she deserved to be yelled at, I never liked her anyways.” Jaemin confessed. “Jaemin, it’s not worth yelling at her.” Jeno had called me in that moment and I picked up. “Hello?” I said, “I’m really sorry for that but we can hang out next week…” He offered. “No, Jeno that’s not gonna make things better I think we might need 2 weeks before you try to hang out with Jaemin again. Also I don’t think Sihyun would be very happy if we hung out alone.” I told him with regret in my heart. “It’s okay I understand. We can still hang out in class right?” He asked. “Of course, you’re still my bestfriend.” And I ended the call there. “What did he say?” Jaemin asked. “He wanted to know if we wanted to hang out next week.” I told him. “No, I’m not hanging out with him next week or else Sihyun is gonna claw me alive.” He rejected the offer too. “I already said no,” I said. “Awww you know me so well.” He commented.

Ever since that day Jaemin hung out with a different group of friends. His friends were Jisung, Chenle, Renjun, Haechan and Mark. When Sihyun was busy hanging out with Jeno by herself, Jaemin would come find me and convince me to sit with his friends since he didn’t want me to be lonely. I’m pretty sure everyone knew about the fallout and was convinced me and Jaemin were dating. I think you would be very good friends with Jaemin’s new group. Sadly you never got the chance to meet them since Sihyun had roped into her new group which she never bothered to introduce me to. I don’t think they liked me very much honestly. One day we had the chance to talk in class. It was great because none of Sihyun’s friends were there and we got to talk about how things were. I’m sad our friendship could never be how it was before. We spent our time talking about the past. Like the time we both went to the amusement park together and I spilled my icecream on the ferris wheel and it landed on someone but we finished our icecream before we came down so they wouldn’t suspect it was us and the time we went shopping and you had accidentally shoplifted a bunch of clothes because you didn’t scan them properly and you somehow didn’t get caught. You were always really lucky with these things. It was nice talking to you and I wished it lasted forever but all good things eventually end and it took forever until we got the chance to talk again.

The time waiting was eating me up inside and I so desperately wanted to talk you again but I couldn’t because you were hanging out with Sihyun. Jaemin was at my house at the time so we ended up walking to the warehouse. He dragged me around the place looking for soil but I explained to him I didn’t need any so we ended up looking at seeds. He kept grabbing seeds that couldn’t be grown in the season we were currently in. It’s the thought that counts though. Eventually I grabbed the yellow carnations. Jaemin then dragged me over look at more flowers. “There’s some more yellow carnations” I picked it up. “We should plant these in your garden” He suggested. We walked over to the checkout and bought both the seeds and the flowers. When we got home we headed straight to my backyard “You really like carnations,” He said as he looked around. “Yea, they’re my favourite flowers.” They were ever since the moment I saw you with them thats why. “You only have red and white carnations.” Jaemin looked around my garden. “That’s why I grabbed out the yellow ones.” I put the seeds into the soil. “They also remind me of something.” I muttered. “Remind you of what?” He asked. “You heard me?” He nodded. “Well it reminds me of the day we met and I had carnations that I grew. You were bright like the sun,” I explained. “You remind me of red carnations.” He said and I smiled at him. Red carnations are your favourite. My memory is really good so of course I knew. Red carnations also remind me of you. I happily planted my yellow carnations with a dumb smile. I seriously need to lose this crush.

purple carnation - new beginning

You’re relationship with Sihyun didn’t last after graduation. When we graduated we went to different school. You went to a dance academy to chase your dream of being a dancer and I went to a university that specialised in everything in the medical field with Jaemin. We never saw each other much. I missed you a lot. I’m not sure if Jaemin could tell but it was nice having him around. I did see you that day you were having the dance tournament that really started your career. I was working at the cafe and you were stressed out and I had served you coffee that you ordered. “Hi, Jeno.” I greeted you. “I haven’t seen you in a while,” You said. “How are you?” You asked. “I’m good,” I gave you your coffee. “Are you free to talk?” You asked. “Well, I get off my shift in 10mins, if you can wait then yea.” I had left to go into the back and serve more people while you waited there for me. When I got out you were there waiting for me outside the cafe next to purple carnations. I guess they just followed you everywhere. “How’s Jaemin?” You asked. “He’s well, do you not talk anymore?” I asked. “I guess not, Sihyun really changed my life. I’m gathering it back together now though.” You explained. “I’ve got a dance tournament soon and I’m really nervous since this tournament could make my career.” You held your bag with all your dance gear. “Well I hope you do well,” I said sincerely. It had been so long I forgot how to talk to you. “You wouldn’t mind coming to the tournament to watch with Jaemin, right?” You asked. “Maybe, he might be busy but I can come.” I thought about it. “Yeah, i’ll come tonight.” I went home while you went to your dance studio. I messaged Jaemin about it and he said he couldn’t make it. I’m not sure what happened about between the 2 of you but you should’ve made up by now. I got ready for the dance tournament but I didn’t realise I had to pay for entry. You ended up noticing I didn’t have enough money so you snuck me in as one of your staff. I still think you were smart for that. “Goodluck Jeno,” I cheered you on before you were due on stage. I really wish the best for you.

When you started dancing I felt a wave of emotions. You were beautiful on stage. The admiration I had for you years ago came back seeing you so passionate. I was happy you were on stage doing what you loved most. You were so carefree on the stage it was like a breath of fresh air. The stage was very purple, you were dressed in white with purple carnations all over. They suit you, after that show we ended up talking and walking around all night. We talked about how we use to sneak in conversations while Sihyun’s friends weren’t around it was exhilarating for you. Also those times we would bump into each other at the shops and hang out because we couldn’t in school. It made you realise how toxic your relationship was. Jaemin was in the right to yell at her. After we were done walking around you offered to take me home. I said no, but before you left I told you something. I love you. Before I walked away you kissed me. That’s something I will never forget.

pink carnation

Today we’re getting married. It took so many years but now I’m finally with you. The flowers next to me wrapped up beautifully are pink carnations. The ones you grew with me. I love you so much.

- your wife

[sincerelyneo]

no control | l.jn

“i can't contain this anymore, i'm all yours i've got no control”

💿now playing: no control by one direction

❯ summary: The guy sitting at the bar next to you seems pretty smitten - and Jeno hates it. He wants to be the one making you blush…or more accurately, scream his name.

❯ pairings: jeno x fem!reader

❯ genre: smut, friends with benefits

❯ words: 3.7k

❯ tags: 18+ minors dni!, unprotected sex (don’t do this!), jealousy, arguing, wall sex, swearing, back scratching/marking?, possessiveness, public sex, reader uses she/her pronouns, pet names, slight begging, a bit angsty, porn with feelings, literally just jeno being petty and jealous.

Jeno hates to admit it, but Mark was right. Casual, no-strings-attached sex does in fact suck. And God does he know it. It’s hard to forget when his friends keep bringing you up.

“Who’s she talking to?” Renjun asks.

Jisung replies with a simple shrug before Chenle chimes in with a quick, “I don’t know, haven’t seen him before.”

Him. Jeno feels that pronoun hit harder than expected, but he forces himself to keep cool. He doesn’t turn around to see who’s got your attention, even though every fiber of his being screams and begs for him to look.

His spying friends keep giggling amongst themselves as they sit on the stools at the bar. But it wasn’t until Renjun throws back the last of his whiskey and says: “He looks pretty into her.” That Jeno’s gaze is forced to find you.

Jeno’s too proud to admit it but he finds you instantly, you’re like a magnet, a force that he’s drawn to. And truthfully, he considers it a talent that he can seek you out of a crowd in seconds.

There you are, with some guy. Some guy he didn’t know. Some guy that, from what he could see from the side of his head, was probably good-looking. The good-looking ones always liked to try and talk to you.

Not that it matters, Jeno reminds himself, dragging his eyes away from you for his own sake. You hadn’t come to this party with him; he never even asked you. He agreed to keep this casual. You could spend your time with whoever you damn well pleased.

Even if that wasn’t him. And even if that’s a bitter pill for him to swallow. 

“Leave him alone guys,” Jisung finally speaks up. “They’re probably just talking. Besides aren’t you staying over at Y/N’s tonight anyway Jen?” He asked. 

Jeno takes his eyes off you for a second to look at his friends, he’s thankful for the reminder that he was supposed to be coming over to your place tonight. But now his mind is racing. Maybe you would change your mind, ditching him to hang out with that good-looking man instead.

You’re not like that, he tells himself. While you hadn’t attended the party with him, you had promised to spend the night with him, and you weren’t one to break promises. Besides, you didn’t bring strangers you just met home, either. He had nothing to worry about.

Except…what if he did?

When he dared to glance over to the last spot he had seen you across the lavish bar, he wasn’t expecting to still find you there. Surely, you would’ve found an opening to excuse yourself and re-join the friends you’d arrived with, but there you were. Still talking to that asshole. Smiling at him. Enjoying yourself.

Maybe it was just the whiskey talking, but Jeno felt like he was being replaced as if he was across the world and not merely across the room. Because it had been well over half an hour since he had first seen them together. And who knew how long you two had been talking before he or his friends even noticed?

Jeno doesn’t like this feeling. So he orders another drink.

He tries to ignore you – tries to focus on his friends but they keep mentioning it. Mentioning you. Which makes it so damn difficult to stop his eyes from sliding over, and noticing every little detail about you. 

The short dress that had ridden up from where you’d sat down and crossed your legs, showing off more than enough of your toned thighs. The deep black of it suited you, and not just because it was Jeno’s favourite colour, but because it complemented the tumble of hair falling over your shoulder. You looked like a goddess, untouchable. Especially when you smile. God, he loves when you smile. 

Just not when he’s not the one doing it. He should be the only one to make you laugh, to make you feel more relaxed at a party. Because he knows you, all the little things and your quirks.

But not once did you glance his way; and he’s fully aware of that because Jeno has definitely been staring. You’re ignoring him, and he hates it. So fucking much.

Maybe the alchohol was catching up to him, finally settling into his bloodstream and mixing dangerously with his jealous streak because he’s suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that he has to do something. 

Impulsively, Jeno abandons the conversation he had already half checked out of with his friends, and doesn’t waste a second marching over to you and the man. Ideally, Jeno wanted you to be thrilled to have him sweep you away, but when he arrived at the booth you and him had been sitting at, Jeno sees your eyes flash with an undeniable ‘what the fuck are you doing over here?’

“Nice to see you, Y/N,” Jeno greets you charmingly, sliding right into the booth on your side without an invitation, blatantly interrupting.

“Hi, Jeno,” you reply, keeping your tone polite despite not moving to give him more room.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” It hasn’t. “I thought I’d get you a drink and we could catch up?”

Jeno’s attempt to get you away is feeble, but it’s not exactly like he had enough time to devise a good plan. He was being impulsive, jealous, reckless – acting on instinct and he instinct was telling him that he need you, by his side. 

“Maybe later, yeah Jen?”.

“Why? You having too much fun already?” he asks, which was rather a loaded question, considering you had company sitting right across from you. 

“I’m having a lot of fun,” you emphasise a little more than necessary, glancing at the brunette across the table and playfully rolling your eyes. It had the man smiling in understanding, which was quick to piss Jeno off. 

“Really?” he said flatly. “You don’t look it.”

“Maybe you don’t know what I look like when I’m having fun.”

“I think I know better than most.”

That’s when Jeno squeezes your knee, and you want to disagree, but you couldn’t. Because Jeno knew, alright. He knew pretty damn well.

The guy opposite you shifts in his seat, probably aware that he had suddenly become a third wheel, thanks to the flirty tone in Jeno’s voice. Jeno gets a sick sense of enjoyment watching the man get uncomfortable – all the confirmation that whatever little plan he had going on was working. It made him only want to do it more.

So Jeno oh so casually reaches to tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear. You try not to react, but your head tilts slightly towards him, and your features soften. 

“You look beautiful,” Jeno compliments, fingers trailing down your hair, brushing over your shoulder before they settled back on your knee. “Black suits you.”

“Thanks,” you murmur. 

“Are you two friends?” The man asks, reminding you both of his presence.

“Sort of,” you began to say, just as Jeno declares, “Very close friends.”

With your cheeks now flushing, you cut him a look that he largely ignores, before feeling the need to explain yourself to the friendly guy you had just met. “We catch up sometimes. Occasionally.”

“We’ve known each other for ages.” Jeno emphasises because he liked that fact. Liked knowing he was here first, having that leverage and advantage over any guy you’d ever meet.   

“I should leave you to it then, let you two catch up,” the man says through a tight lipped smile as he began to slide out of the booth. He knew exactly what Jeno was trying to do. “Nice meeting you, Y/N. See you around sometime.”

“I hope so!” You reply trying to sound enthusiastic. You didn’t want to give Jeno the satisfaction he was clearly hoping for. 

Once the man turned his back on you, you grab your glass and take an extra generous gulp of your drink. 

Before Jeno had the chance to open his mouth and say something else that was only going to irritate you, you lean into him. 

“What the fuck was that?” you hiss. “Out. Get out. Let me out.”

Shuffling along as he was told, Jeno watches dumbly as you hastily slip out of the booth after the stranger, tugging the hem of your dress down with one hand and clutching your nearly empty glass in the other.

Jeno blinks for a second as you try to parade away from him. Then it registers in his mind and he’s chasing behind you and out of the bar. That’s when he tugs on your arm to stop you in your tracks. 

“Y/N. Stop, please.”

Much to Jeno’s surprise, you do as he says, turning around and holding up a commanding finger.  It almost seemed like a joke, but there was no humour in your tone when you asked, “What were you thinking?”

Jeno tilted his head to the side, tonguing the side of his cheek. 

“We weren’t at that party together! You knew that,” you continue your rant.

“I didn’t know it was a crime to speak to you in public,” Jeno replies naïvely with an innocent shrug of his shoulders.

“You know that’s not what we do. We don’t hang out at social events, Jeno. We agreed on casual. I don’t want a relationship.”

Casual. Yeah, you seemed to really not want a relationship when you were chatting up that guy for ages. The thought makes Jeno scoff, his gaze dropping to his feet. 

 You cross your arms over your chest, exhaling, “What?”

“That guy,” he simply says, his eyes flashing with a slight fury when he looks back up at you. “You were with that guy.”

You roll your eyes. “Oh my god, you’ve got to be kidding me.” 

“Who was he?”

“It doesn’t matter!”

“It does matter when you refuse to even speak to me in public, but spend your whole night with him.”

Jeno’s smile is long gone, and almost, almost, you wanted to forget this whole thing and bring it back. You hated when Jeno was mad at you, not that he was very often, but he was being irrational right now. 

“I just met him, it was all friendly” you explain. “I can’t believe you’re jealous!”

“I’m not jealous!”

Jeno knew he was, but there was not a chance of him admitting that seeing you with any other man drove him absolutely insane. Every single damn time. Still, you know better.

“You obviously are! Jeno, you know how I feel about you–”

“Do I? You didn’t seem to be into me tonight.”

“Because you came out of nowhere and acted like I was all yours!”

“You are mine!”

That was the wrong thing to say. Jeno knew it as soon as it came out his mouth, saw it in the way your expression tightened slightly. Even so, he wouldn’t take back what he thought was true.

“We haven’t defined anything–” you fumble, “Infact, I think we did the opposite—” 

“How would you like it if I’d been flirting with another girl all night?” He cuts in.

“It wouldn’t matter,” you lie. “You can do what you want.

Jeno takes a few steps towards you, and it makes you unconsciously hold your breath. He’s so tall and intimidating and goddam sexy—wait you’re mad at him right now! 

“What I really want, Y/N, is to be with you,” he spells it out frustratingly slowly. “Seeing you all night long in that short dress that barely covers your ass and knowing I can’t touch you, claim you, fucking kills me.” 

Your eyes betray you, because despite every brain wave in your mind telling you to yell at him for that slightly misogynistic statement—your eyes still soften. 

“Well, you should’ve just said that,” you try to explain instead of lecturing him. “If you’ve been feeling like that you should’ve talked to me instead of acting like a caveman.” 

“You don’t listen.”

“I’m listening now.”

Jeno blinks at you, his jaw loosening as his eyes watch your gaze drift down to his lips. The action is loud enough for him to not waste another second before his hands move to your waist, pulling you in to the kiss he had been dying to give you all night. 

It’s harder than he would’ve given you earlier, more possessive – oh, definitely possessive when he forces your back against the brick wall at the side of the bar and your arms have no choice but to hastily wrap around his neck. You stumble a little, but he keeps a firm grip on you.

If you wanted him to tell you how he felt, well, that’s exactly what you’re going to get.

He tells you in the desperate way that he kisses you, lips parting and unwilling to leave yours. He tells you by the way he presses his body flush against yours, pinning you to the brick so you can’t slip away from him, not again. He tells you in the low moan that escapes him when your hand tangles up in his hair and your own lips work just as eager.

When he breaks away for a moment, he takes his time to just look at you. So pretty, so desperate, and so undoubtedly all his. 

And when you gaze back at him through long lashes and eyes radiating with lust, he has to groan because he’s the one making you like that. He’s the one getting you to bite down on those pretty lips, lips that were made for him, belong to him. 

But you’re feeling too desperate and he’s taking too long. So within a mere few seconds, you’re reaching for him again. It has him thinking maybe you’re trying to tell him the same thing. But there was no need to do that. Jeno had made it abundantly clear that he was yours. 

There was still a lingering frustration fuelling the two of you – mostly from you; it was jealousy for Jeno. He is jealous that someone else – another man – had gotten to spend the night at the party with you. He needed you to know that he hated to see you with him, and that this – this was never going to be better with anyone else. 

No matter how hard a man would try, they could never know you the way that he did. They could never make you feel the way he did. 

Ridiculously, you want to apologise despite him reading the situation all wrong. You hadn’t been flirting with anyone else, and you thought it didn’t matter who you chose to simply talk to. You never knew he’d feel this threatened. Never suspected it would upset him this much. 

You proposed the idea of keeping things casual to not get hurt. Jeno was unbelievably attractive and could have his pick of any woman. You thought keeping him at arm's length would protect you—figures it’s only hurting him. 

Regardless, no matter the context there was no denying that he was being a jealous ass tonight and the two of you had argued. An argument that you were both getting very turned on by and had you conflicted between getting down on your knees for him or letting him fuck you against the wall, outside and all. 

You always found great thrill in surprising him: breaking from the feverish kisses, you reach up under your dress and yank down your underwear. The delicate fabric falls around your ankles, and you kick them off to the side, inviting him to what he so clearly wanted.

I’m yours right here, right now, your eyes tell him.

And you really thought you had won at the whole surprising thing, until he hooks your legs around his waist and presses his hips harder against you. You never pegged yourself or Jeno for being an exhibitionist but something about him taking you against the wall of the very same bar he thought a man was flirting with you at, awakens something feral inside him. 

All of a sudden the wall seemed like the perfect spot for make up sex. Honestly, Jeno just wanted any sex. As long as it was with you. 

He exhales heavily when he starts to ease his pants down and you fumble to undo his shirt buttons. But you get far too distracted by his lips beginning to trail down your throat. He reaches for your thigh, smoothing up your soft skin, as he hitches up your dress around your hips. 

You’re so desperate for him you can’t help but whimper. And just when you think ‘Yes, finally,’ a cocky grin spreads across his face as his finger slips effortlessly (and too goddamn slowly) over your centre. His teasing is somewhat annoying, but it’s so hard to be pissed at him when he’s touching you like that. Hell, it’s hard to be mad at him in general—you’re weak to him and that’s exactly why you’re pushed up against a wall. 

Jeno picks up his pace as soon as he begins stroking you with another finger. You squirm against the wall and he watches that hungry expression grow as he rubs you rhythmically, fingers sliding up and down, up and down, so easily from how wet you are. Pride swells in his chest because he did that. 

Every moan that leaves your lips is his own little reward, one that he is dying to receive more, and more, and more of. Forever. 

Jeno knows you’re close. It would’ve been easy to get you off right there, and he would’ve, had he not abruptly pulled away from you. You curse under your breath at the loss of contact. 

“Jeno!” 

He smirks, loving the way you squirm as he nudges your legs further apart. His breath is hot against your skin as he murmurs, “Got to tell me what you want, baby.” 

You groan frustratingly, since apparently he wasn’t going to give it to you unless you said something. “I want you, now. Just need you inside me.”  

He smirks, the grip he had on your thighs tightening and the muscles in his arms flexing beneath his shirt. He shifts his hips, pushing the crown of his cock against your entrance — slowly, sensually, tormentingly. 

You lean into him, nails digging into the fabric on his back as he presses his forehead against your neck, soft hisses escaping him as he feels you — wet and tight. 

“This pussy was fucking made for me,” he growls, cock buried to the hilt. He could stay there forever, selfishly he wants to, but he can hear your whimpers and the need to please you becomes priority. 

He bottoms out and then his hips are snapping forward hard, fast, possessive. Whatever words you wanted to say dissolves into a senseless moan. His thrusts become more erratic and needy and the pace has you clenching down around him. Fuck. 

Jeno stills. His breath ghosts over your collarbones and his fingers dig even further into your hips. You know that look, he’s struggling to keep himself under control, which, given the circumstances is the last fucking thing you want. 

“Not gonna last long if you keep doing that baby.” 

He’s trying to reason with you, but before you really have time to think about what you’re doing you’re clawing at his back, tightening your legs around and digging the heels of your shoes into his back hard enough that he growls, low and frightening in a way that makes your spine tingle. 

“Fuck,” he grits out thrusting into you hard. The sound of skin hitting skin is loud and vulgar in the middle of the street, but you don’t care and can’t care because fuck, all you can think about is how it feels as he rocks into you, again and again and again. 

“Jeno,” you gasp out, grip digging into his shoulders as he fucks you, ruthless and unforgiving. 

He’s relishing in it, you can tell by the way he’s looking at you that he’s trying to fucking burn the sight into his brain forever, the sounds you’re making and the way you shiver in his arms and the sheer force of it all. He groans and when he kisses you again it’s nearly violent, a clash of lips and tongues and teeth. 

“All mine,” he groans against your mouth. He hisses as you bite at his bottom lip, retaliating with a growl and driving his hips into yours with a newfound ruthlessness. “Tell me you’re mine.”

“Oh—fuck please,” you gasp out, breaths coming out in little huffs in time with the movement of his body. 

“Not what I asked,” he lowers his voice, serious. His pace slows down and it has you squirming and crying out.

“Fuck yes—yours Jeno. Always been yours. Just please don’t stop—” 

Jeno groans and kisses your neck. He picks up his pace again. The same low tone in his voice as he promises, “I’m all yours too.” 

You swear those three simple words were the sexiest thing you’ve ever heard. Your walls flutter around him and you don’t miss the prideful grin on his face as his hand moves down from your hip and his thumb presses against your clit.

His fingers move hurriedly and the pleasure is suddenly blinding and white and fuck fuck—

“Jeno yes just like that I’m gonna—”

“Good fucking girl,” he chokes out, your orgasm shaking him to his core, making his thrusts half-desperate. 

His rhythm falters and his own breath catches. He digs his fingers into your hip hard enough that it makes you hiss and then he falters and slows and gives one, two, three more thrusts before pinning you harder with a shaky, breathless sigh.

The two of you stay like that for a beat before he lowers you back to the ground, pulling down your dress. Then slowly, he brings his fingers to his lips and licks, tasting you with a roll of his eyes. 

“I mean it, you know,” He quietly says. “I’m all yours.”

Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him into a revering kiss, and you tell him the exact same thing back. 

[jaeminify]

two is better than one — lee jeno, na jaemin.

synopsis ☆ jaemin hated sharing and he hated that he had to watch his best friend get to hold you like he would in bed. but what was he to do when you liked the two of them and couldn't decide on one?

tags/warnings ☆ threesome, spit kink, cum play, slight mention of anal; rimming (jaemin... may have a kink), slight strangling kink but towards the end.

author's note ☆ was semi-inspired by that *one challengers scene, and this idea came up... not one of my best works but i enjoyed writing it with how easy the idea and dialogue came to mind. it was also great timing with jeno suddenly going shirtless 0_0 happy readings!!! i hope everyone reading this enjoys <3 feedback and comments are appreciated <3

Jaemin loved to kiss you. To taste you, to feel you, to hold you — he loved every moment of feeling you against him. Skin on skin, sweat dripping off his arms as he touched you; he got turned on by the tiniest of things it agitated him when you weren't around.

Unfortunately for him, he wasn't the only one who strongly felt that way, for his own best friend harboured the same intensity as him.

"Fuck you Jeno Lee." Jaemin mutters behind his typical red solo cup, not daring to take his eyes off of you while you dance with your group of friends.

"What'd I do?" His best friend shows up in the flesh, holding out a cup of pistachios for both him and Jaemin to snack on.

Jaemin glares at his best friend before taking a pistachio for himself. He nods his head in your direction, feeling his breath get heavy when he notices how good your outfit looks on you. It didn't help that you were swaying your hips too.

Jeno follows his gaze and grins in acknowledgement.

"What can I say, dude." Jeno smirks when you lock eye contact with him, "We're just two lucky bastards."

"You're the bastard. I'm the lucky one."

"Wait till we get back home," Jeno's eyes darken when you blow a kiss to Jaemin but not him. "We'll both be feeling pretty lucky."

"Jaem!" You whine, feeling Jaemin grip your hips so harshly you were sure they'd leave bruises the next day.

You feel Jeno leave kisses on the back of your neck, delicately holding your hair up in a makeshift ponytail, feeling his bare skin against your back while Jaemin is drilling his cock straight into your core. You're trying to form coherent words but the pressure is too much. Your hands are scrambling up to tug at Jaemin's roots while the other is gripping Jeno's hand.

"Yeah, baby?" Jaemin breathes out, cursing under his breath when he feels your pussy tighten around him.

"What's wrong, Sweet Girl?" Jeno whispers into your ear, making you let out a shaky sigh. "Jaemin's making you feel real good isn't he? Doing such a great job for our Jaemin."

You can't help but nod at the praises Jeno gives, losing yourself in the sensation and the words they both shower you in. It was addicting; they were both addicting.

"Kiss..." You mutter," barely able to speak up with how entranced you were by the both of them as you always are. Jeno glanced at Jaemin who was too focused on being sucked in by your cunt that he didn't hear your words.

When he feels your hand on his chest, Jaemin looks over at you. Immediately he recognises the look of your hooded eyes and clingy hands, reaching for any feeling of skin you could get. You just needed them near you.

"Hi baby," Jaemin leans forward, nuzzling his nose against yours before he showers kisses all over your jawline and at the corner of your ear. "What do you need, Angel? Want more of my cock? Need us both?" He whispers, grinning when you whimper and move your hips to meet his thrusts.

"Think she wants a kiss." Jeno smirks from behind your head, you can feel the cockiness drip out of his words. His arms tighten around your waist. "From who, baby?"

You reach out to grab Jeno's neck while the other pulls Jaemin's arm.

"Both... Both of you please..." You whine, looking completely worn out and ruined by the both of them. You feel Jeno's cock harden behind your ass and grind harshly against him as you try to not lose your rhythm with Jaemin's thrusts.

"Need you both, right now..." As if you had enough, you tug them both down to meet your lips and the three of you start relentlessly making out.

Jaemin's hot grunts are swallowed by your lips while Jeno's tongue tries to take control of both you and Jaemin.

The makeout session, dare you say was hotter than having the both of them pound into you but that thought is quickly thrown away when Jeno pulls away, allowing Jaemin to take control. Your bottom lip is licked then sucked by Jaemin before he kneads your stomach, moving his hands from your middle to your ass, unbeknownst to you, spreading your ass apart.

You let out a surprised yelp, gasping when you feel Jeno's finger prod at your second hole, causing you to nearly clamp down onto Jaemin, making him yell.

"Jesus, fuck." Jaemin hisses, quickly pulling out to cum on your stomach. You whimper when you feel something warm.

"More," You sigh, clutching Jeno's arm when you feel him rub his tip against your rim. "Jeno— Jeno please."

"Please what, baby? Use your words. Remember what I taught you."

Jaemin snickers between your legs, using his forefinger to scoop up his cum on your stomach.

"Like she can think straight when I'm here."

Before you can respond, Jaemin hovers over you with his fingers right above your lips. With a smirk, he tilts his head.

"Open your mouth for me, Angel. Could you do that?" He smiles widely when you follow his words, sticking out your tongue too so he knows you consent to what he's about to give you. Jaemin feels his cock grow hard at the sight of you.

"Such a princess, getting fed so good by the both of us huh?" Jaemin lets his cum fall onto your tongue, then leans down to kiss you.

"Fuck, okay. Can I have a moment? My cock feels like it's about to burst."

You carefully pull away from Jaemin, not without leaving one more peck on his lips, making him grin. Then, you shift on Jeno's lap.

"Need me?" You smile innocently, almost making Jeno cum right then and there but he feels your slickness with his tip and groans.

"Good, huh? Prepped our pretty girl nicely." Jaemin taunts from behind you, leaving a delicate kiss on the top of your head.

"Need you to spread your legs a little wider for me baby, can you do that?" Jeno murmurs, knowing how you'll respond. He only ever asks because he wants to hear the answer. Wants to hear it from you, especially. "You're an obedient girl, aren't you?"

You nod, helplessly going limp. "Just for you— Only for you and Jaemin."

Now that you were facing Jeno, Jaemin had the pleasure of fondling with your tits to see how you'd react to him. Of course, with such pleasure on your upper body, your natural response is to moan, whine and clench your cunt when Jeno glides himself into you, feeling himself so close to release already.

"Oh," he moans. "Oh, shit— oh baby."

"Jeno..." Your voice rises an octave higher when Jeno hits a spot that makes you grow weak into Jaemin's arms.

The latter has no issue with you almost completely lying on top of him. He's having fun playing with your clit while he kicks at your earlobe, whispering dirty words into your ears, enjoying the way you crumble under the both of them.

"Just like that baby, take Jeno's cock so well. You're so greedy Angel." Jaemin murmurs, smirking when Jeno hisses at the way you grind against him.

"Jeno... Jeno—" Youvgasp when you feel Jaemin's tongue against your rim, once again, it was always either of them taking turns to tease you when you were already on the edge.

"Fuck!" You scream, clawing your nails up Jeno's chest as you clung onto his shoulders now that Jaemin's body wasn't directly behind you for support.

His hands, however, were nothing short of greedy. He squeezed your ass, spreading them apart once again before he dived back in to taste you.

"So fucking sweet baby. Be a patient girl and take what Jeno gives you," Jaemin's raspy voice is a threat to your orgasm because right as he finishes his sentence, you're desperate to cum, and Jeno can feel that. "Let me taste you, yeah? Focus on Jeno first."

But you can't.

The pleasure from Jaemin's hot tongue frantically prodding and licking at your rim has you screaming the loudest you've probably screamed in a while, making Jeno have to clamp his hand over your lips as he rests his forehead against yours. Just as you are, Jeno looks gone. He looks so fucked out and in awe at the way you move your body that he isn't even bothered to try and hide how dazed he is. All he's thinking now is how he wants to have his cock buried in your cunt for days— as long as you'd let him.

"Like what Jaemin's doing to you, huh baby?" Jeno rasps out, his free hand sliding up to rest around your neck, making you moan against the hand that's covering your mouth.

Jeno's eyes darken when he feels you kiss his palm, licking eagerly as you thrust up to meet his cock halfway.

"There's our little slut." Jeno whispers, getting close to his orgasm while you're already on your second. You arch your back, moving slightly away from Jaemin's lips — which he dislikes, without missing a beat he wraps his arms around your hips to pull you even closer to his face.

"Babygirl loves our attention, doesn't she?" Jeno taunts, smiling when he sees tears roll down from your eyes. Without hesitation, Jeno leans forward to lick at them, swallowing your tears as he tastes them before kissing your lips.

"Don't hold yourself back, gorgeous." Jeno continues, "You don't have to pretend like you're a saint like you always do baby girl, cause deep down," He leans down to reach your ears, "you're just a little cocksleeve for Jaemin and I, aren't you? So hungry and eager to have us inside of you... Can't even function straight without wanting to fuck us."

All you can do now is moan, because the pleasure feels too good. It feels too fucking good to even try to say anything to deny his words. He was right anyway.

Jaemin gave your hole one last kiss before he stood back up behind you. When he sees your mascara running down your face, he knows you're almost gone, and he's quick to rush to your aid, cooing sweet nothings.

"There you go pretty girl, just a little bit more for us, yeah? Think you can do that baby? Hold on a bit more?"

"Don't think she can, Jaemin." Jeno grins, giving you one last thrust before he pulls out to jack his cock off. The two boys spare a split second of eye contact before they smirk at each other, understanding what the other wants with no words.

"Think you deserve an award baby," Jaemin smiles, "Want his cum?"

You snap out of the trance you're in to look up at Jeno's cock. No matter how many times you've fucked him, and how many times you've had him in your mouth, Jaemin and Jeno's lengths never failed to leave you speechless.

"Want to taste you, Jeno. Want your cum." You slur, carelessly getting out of Jaemin's grip as you crawl your way below Jeno's cock, letting it rest on your face before you start to kitty lick his tip. "Please, please Jeno. Need you, want you."

"Baby's so fucking clingy today," Jeno hisses, letting his cock rest in your mouth. "Want me so fucking bad, huh? Take everything I give you baby. Want you to swallow everything��� Shit shit shit."Jeno falls back to lean against the wall he's standing by when your tongue plays with his tip, knowing that's all he needed to cum down your throat.

Finally, the three of you clean yourself up and make your way over to your bed. You, passed out in the middle, clinging onto both of their arms as you wear Jaemin's shirt to sleep.

The two boys, just as worn out as you, start to doze off with the comfort of you next to them.

"You were right.".

Jeno raises his head to look at his friend, a confused look on his face. He was still trying to get the look of your face out from his head to stop his cock from hardening.

He huffed, "what?" whispering so he wouldn't wake you.

Jaemin turns to his side to leave a kiss on your cheek, smiling when you turn to face him and rest your head on his shoulder.

"We're both just two lucky bastards."

[lololololchips]

can you do the jeno instagram thing you did with mark, hyuck and jaem? it was the cutest thing ever PLSSSS

someone finally asked for my boyfriend🙈🙈🙈

enjoyyyyy hehehe!

Lee Jeno || in which jeno does his own take of a trend…

synopsis: in which jeno does his own take of a trend that shows how he tried to confess to his crush over various instagram stories

playlist:

Jasmine by DPR LIVE

Compass by The Neighborhood

If I Can’t Have You by Shawn Mendes

the perfect pair by beabadoobee

Die With A Smile by Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars

genre:smau, one shot au, friends to lovers, non!idol, fluff

warnings: fem pronouns, cussing, jeno being delulu #twin, and just fluff😞

[jenomi]

Boyfriend!Jeno A-Z Headcanons

prompt list by @snk-warriors

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

jeno would either plan really simple but cute dates like going to the movies and dinner or he'd do something at home like making charms or painting. anything just to spend some quality time with you <3 jeno's also so thoughtful and creative, i feel like once in a while he'd plan a more extravagant date based on something you mentioned once or if he saw you watching a lot of videos about a certain activity on insta or tiktok, he'd plan it for you guys to do together.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

it's corny but jeno just thinks you're beautiful inside and out. he gets a little bitter when strangers call you pretty cuz they just don't get you like he does! of course he thinks you're the most beautiful person he's ever laid eyes on, but he also loves your humor, personality, habits, and everything.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

jeno is literally your rock, unwavering support and love even when you feel like pushing him away. he'll just be there for you and make sure you know that he's always there if you want to talk or just want to cuddle. he'll always lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

marriage, duh. altho he doesn't imagine himself having kids like the other dreamies imagine having children. jeno just dreams of a comfortable life with you, where you go to each other's annual family vacations, family dinners, friend gatherings and vacations where everyone gets along and he feels comfortable and in love. also, he definitely dreams of traveling the world with you.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

jeno can definitely be both, depending on the situation. he was more passive when he was upset about something at the beginning of your relationship, and he's continuing to work on it to express himself, he just doesn't like starting arguments/confrontations :( dominant in everything else tho hehe

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

very rarely will jeno shout during an argument, he tends to stay quiet which makes you even more angry cuz you wish he would just fight back. but he's very easy to forgive you because he really really hates fighting with you and he does try to see things from your pov. and ofc you do the same when he expresses himself too.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

jeno is incredibly grateful. grateful to have you by his side thru thick and thin, grateful that you choose each other each and every day. even the smallest things he's grateful for, like you tidying his clothes in the closet when he was rushing that morning.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

any secrets jeno has, they're unintentional. they'll be things he just never thought to bring up but they're usually not that big of a secret that would impact your relationship. you'll just pout at him for not sharing it ahead of time.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

jeno's not lying when he says he became a better person after meeting you. he's become more understanding and empathetic towards others and wants to try new things all the time with you and do the things that you like. in return, jeno's inspired you to be more hard working and patient with others.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

yes, jealousy is a disease and jeno has it. again, he doesn't always express it because he feels like he's overreacting in most situations. if you talk about your male coworker a lot, he'll get jealous and if it persists, his pent up jealousy will just become anger and you'll fight it out. but you try to never give him a reason to be jealous, he's your one and only afterall.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

yes, duh. the first kiss was nothing crazy, you were laughing together on one of the dates at the beginning of your talking phase. you were really close together and it honestly just happened naturally. you both initiated it, it couldn't be helped! but since then, jeno's been obsessed with kissing you, he'll just do it whenever he wants.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

cutie jeno would prob be kinda awkward about it >.< it would be on a regular night in and he would start to dance around his confession but you wouldn't pick up on it, you just thought he was tired and saying things. then he would properly sit up and grab your hand, "y/n, i'm trying to tell you i love you." you would be so shocked by that, but his calm yet sudden outburst to you would fill your heart with love and joy and you'd reply, "i love you too, jeno."

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

jeno would propose to you after one of your special dates with a intimate night at home. it would be set up full of candles leading up to the bed where there's a small but luxurious bouquet with your favorite flowers. when you turn around, you see jeno kneeled onto one knee, "y/n, make me the happiest man to walk this earth and be my beautiful wife for always and forever. will you marry me?" you guys would lead a simple, yet unwavering loving marriage full of happiness and adventures together just the two of you.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

babe, baby, jagiya, a quirky nickname derived from your real name cuz that's just jeno

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

jeno is constantly close to you or paying attention to you when you're out together. when you're with friends, it's obvious that you're together when you meet new people. he often expresses his feelings to you through his actions rather than his words, which is one of the reasons why people know you're together cuz jeno is always touching you in some way shape or form when you're out together.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

jeno doesn't necessarily brag, but he does talk about you all the time. "oh, y/n and i went there last week" "oh y/n told me..." "y/n is waiting for me" it's always you you you, haechan def teases him about it. and again, jeno's obsessed w kissing you, if you show up to a team dinner jeno will just kiss you out of habit and get shy after lol

Quirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

you know how jeno always comes up with creative solutions in content? that would happen a lot in your relationship with jeno. he would always find solutions that require less work but create the same results. or if you were missing a tool, he would find an alternative tool that would get the job done (and if it's something that just requires strength, he does it for you very easily).

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

i wouldn't say jeno is super romantic, but he's appropriately romantic to leave you happy and satiated. jeno doesn't like being cliche, but when he does show his romantic side, it's very romantic and tailored for especially you that you have no choice but to feel touched and love your boyfriend even more than you did the day before.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

of course - jeno is so supportive of your goals and always encourages you to take steps towards them even as you encounter setbacks. he believes in you and trusts that you can do anything you set your mind to. he will try to help in any way he can, like setting up meetings with certain people that can help guide and mentor you in achieving your goals in better ways than he ever could.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

jeno likes feeling comfortable, but he does need some spice to keep himself stimulated. if there's certain things that you both already know you love (like a restaurant), he's happy to just stick with that and not try something new. but if you both feel like you're missing a certain something (like a specific cuisine or dish), you'll go out to explore it until you find something you both love and just add it to your routine. [things are def frequently spiced up in bed ofc]

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

since the beginning of your relationship with jeno, he's always tried to be as empathetic as possible. he always knew he wanted to know you inside and out, so he made it his mission to know every little thing about you. what you like and don't like, your habits, your pet peeves, your favorite things, everything.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

your relationship definitely lies within his top 3 priorities in his life, next to his job and his family. you are his everything and he genuinely can't imagine what his life would look like without you there, so he makes sure to take care of you and your relationship.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

jeno's favorite mundane thing to watch you do is eat. sure, you don't think you look very flattering when you eat, but jeno thinks you look so cute munching away at your food and humming when it's really good. you think jeno's a slow eater, but really he just gets distracted watching you eat, feeling happy that he gets to do these simple, beautiful things with you and feeling proud that he's taking good care of you.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

jeno is subtly very affectionate towards you. he will always be touching you when you're out together, typically its thru holding hands cuz we know how much he loves holding hands :( he doesn't really like to kiss in public, but behind closed doors, TRUST he's kissing you all over all the time and cuddling you wherever you lay or stand.

Yearning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

jeno feels like he's going absolutely insane when he doesn't see you for 2 or more days. two days is his limit. afterwards, he gets kinda cranky and extra pouty and sad cuz he misses you so much :( he'll spam your phone with messages until you reply, and when you do he'll just call you so he can see your face and hear your voice. but it's simply not enough because he wants to touch you and kiss you. he'll do anything to be able to see you again as soon as possible.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

he is, but only to a certain degree as he has boundaries just like you do. if you asked him to move into your place instead of the other way around, he would do it no problem. he would book getaways for you when you were feeling down without you having to ask for them. but if you asked him to cut off his friends/family for no reason, he wouldn't do it. again, jeno would do a lot of things for your relationship, but only if they're reasonable.

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊✩°｡⋆˚⁺

if you read this far, i seriously love you

[dojunie]

MISDIAL; LJN [CH5] VOICEMAIL REDUX

[★]; [MISDIAL MASTERLIST] [PREVIOUS PART] [NEXT PART]

info;

lee jeno x fem!reader

college au

chaptered

very slow burn

genre; not-quite-friends to lovers, older brother mark lee, brothers best friend lee jeno, light angst, yn is a menace to society, story/character driven

warnings for this chapter; kys mention in joking manner

chapter wc: ...13K

a/n: i couldn't decide between posting this monster whole or cutting it into two parts, but two parts kind of makes the pacing weird, so here she is in all her glory! been editing this so long that i've gotten sick of looking at it so im just going to release it into the world now LOL, pls pls pls give me feedback on this chapter, im not 100% satisfied w it but i cant tell if its because it sucks or i've just been rereading it too much 🥸

current tl: @hibernatinghamster / @jenoxygen / @eaglesnotravens / @donutswithjaminthemiddle / @jvjsssnaa / @huangrenhyucks / @luvenshiti / @shiningdery / @jaeminsbebu / @aliceinwhateverland / @bebsky / @gem-gem / @jkjkseo / @jenosbliss / @pewpewpwe00 / @ti–red / @philanarose / @softbbyg0rl / @aaasteroidsky / @carelessshootanonymous / @en-boyz / @jlsavyy / @roseymerrie / @bangchanisemo / @skuezk / @jaehyuns-adorable-dimples / @ourbeautifulaffair / @jeonnyread / @jvjsssnaa / @episkeyjeno / @bockhyun / @jenojammin / @zarastrawberry / @peachie-bear / @itadaramaterasu / @alymii / @cuteejeno / @episkeyjeno / @nohunlee / @ooojisoo / @luv4jeno / @jydivrs / @pinkysinnerbaby / @jenojenoyes / @maeyoung / @axmdocs / @nctzennikki09

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FORGET WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT NEVER BEING ABLE TO GET MAD AT SOMI, BECAUSE THIS TIME, YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO KILL HER.

At this exact moment in time, the Aegon Showcase is set to begin in about fifteen minutes. You’ve got half of a chocolate muffin stuffed into your mouth (courtesy of Somi sneaking a few snacks from the audience lounge, since the dancers technically weren’t supposed to be eating any of the guest refreshments), and you were about halfway through swallowing this chunk of bread when Somi said something that made you nearly choke.

For context: six and a half days have passed since you’ve last spoken to Jeno.

And you haven’t been counting, either. It just so happens that it is surprisingly easy to recall every passing minute when each one feels like it’s been put there specifically to test you.

The afternoon after the Balcony Incident, for example— a few fresh hours after you left Lee Jeno behind on that overlook with the full intention of never looking him in the eyes ever again. After a late breakfast with Somi you’d told her you weren’t feeling too well, that you’d be leaving a little earlier than planned (which, even though you’d said your pain was of the intestinal variety, wasn’t untrue; you didn’t feel well, if the widening pit in your stomach caused by that morning was anything to go by) and departed her penthouse a little after one. 

You’d foolishly hoped that Jeno and his entourage would have plans literally anywhere other than Mark’s place for once, wanting to do nothing but silently mope around the apartment for a few hours once you'd gotten home, but you’d been naive.

You’d been so, so naive.

“Oh!” you’d heard. Renjun. Brown hair, big dark eyes peeking at you around the doorframe as you cradled your now-aching nose bridge. You opened the front door and crashed face first into something solid. “Hey, you. Perfect timing. Do you wanna come grocery shopping with us? Jaemin’s cooking tonight!”

“We’ll even let you ride in the cart,” Chenle chimed in from further into the hallway, grinning wickedly, but you couldn’t focus on either of them because they were both half-hidden behind what you’d smashed into with your haste to get inside. No gray flannel this time, but the same unreadable expression on his face as he, much like he did at the party last night, instinctively grabbed you to keep you from falling on your ass.

(Or his expression was unreadable. Until his eyes trained on something about your face that he didn’t like and his dark eyebrows furrowed with something akin to concern. Then you remembered you’d been crying all morning and surely looked like some sort of dried-out blowfish, eyelids puffy and swollen, so you averted your eyes and jumped out of his grip like he’d stung you.)

“Busy,” you told them quickly, “Sorry. Not today.”

Renjun pouted. Chenle squinted at you, obviously doubtful. And when Jeno finally moved out of the way, you didn’t even thank him for keeping you upright. You just kept your attention on the ground and beelined into the apartment.

Little did you know, that one word would become your mantra. Busy, busy, busy. But it wasn’t like you were completely lying, because you were busy. The Aegon showcase was in a week which meant you had practice every free hour with Somi and the others, and the last thing you needed was to get distracted by circling Jeno like some kind of sad, miserable shark. The good thing about being out of the house so often was that most of the week passed with no more Jeno-related incidents.

Thursday night ended up being the first time you’d seen him with your own eyes since you face-planted into him the previous Saturday.

You’d returned home at 10PM, sweaty and exhausted from a last minute choreo change that had, apparently, also wiped clean the memory of what Thursday nights meant in the Mark Lee household. Movie night. The tiredness you felt was so all-encompassing that upon the discovery of all seven of them sitting around the couch staring at you as you entered, there wasn’t even enough energy to feel awkward. Even then, you must not have looked as ghastly as you felt because Jaemin smiled at you like nothing was amiss, gesturing towards the dining table and the mountain of brown bags atop it.

“You’re late, Rockstar. Take-out’s gone cold.”

Jeno was sitting right next to him. Your muscles were like jelly. All of your bones hurt. Your brain felt like it was operating on nothing but fumes. (And this is what you blamed for your cowardice— the fact that you couldn’t even hold your head up to look in his direction in fear of catching his eye.)

After everyone had gone home and you had free reign of the kitchen once again, Mark hit you with a few more questions about the Aegon Comp; seemingly insignificant inquiries like how the parking situation was (which you didn’t understand the importance of, since he said he’d probably ride his bike there), and if he could sit wherever he wanted (which again, confused you, because the ticke you’d gotten him was one of the best in house). But in your state of fatigue you didn’t think to question it. All you wanted to do was eat something and go to bed, and that’s exactly what you did.

(If you’d had your wits about you maybe you’d have put two and two together. Maybe Somi’s words wouldn’t have caught you with the surprise they did. But as it stands…)

As it stands it’s Friday afternoon, the day of the Aegon Showcase, and half a chocolate muffin is stuffed into your face (technically now stuffed into your airway) as you come to the realization that your friend might secretly be trying to ruin your life.

“You really need to stop eating your food so fast,” Jiara murmurs, clapping you on the back with a little more force than necessary. “No one is going to take it from you. Smaller bites will go a long way.”

You gasp a breath when the chunk finally unsticks. Then, “You saw who in the audience lounge?”

Somi is nonplussed by your horror.

“I saw your brother out there trying to throw a skittle over a lighting fixture and still catch it in his mouth. When I was leaving with our food I think I heard a bunch of people cheer so I’d bet he managed to do it, which, when you think about how high these ceilings are, is actually pretty impressive—”

You fight the urge to grab her by her shoulders and shake her. “I’m not asking about the goddamn skittles!” you hiss. “Somi, you said you saw ‘them’ when you went out there. Them as in plural. Who is them?”

She makes a face like you should already know who. “Who else? Mark and the rest of his crew. And Donghyuck asked to bring a few more, so I guess those are who the other guys out there are. Why are you acting like you didn’t already know this? You were sitting right next to me when Donghyuck was practically begging to come!”

Your life flashes before your eyes.

Jeno’s car. The rain, pounding against the windows. Catching him looking at you in the mirror after Somi told them about the showcase, how it felt like the world outside faded away a little as some little message passed between you— when you felt like he was telling you something without saying a single word.

Then you remember it. In your distant, distant periphery, even though she’d been sitting not even a millimeter to your left when these alleged plans were discussed.

‘Yeah! I mean, I reserved like, a bajillion seats in advance because I knew I’d want to invite everyone who would even consider coming— I’ll definitely get the best row for you guys!’

“However,” she says after a beat, voice finally starting to show the tiniest bit of caution. You realize that your face has begun to contort on its own. “I am starting… to get vibes. That I maybe should have run that by you first? Would now be a bad time to let you know that I told them about the afterparty, too?”

Utter disbelief. The only reason you don’t leap on her once you fully comprehend what she’s said is because Gawon, who’d been watching this entire exchange with quiet brown eyes, puts a hand on your shoulder. She must be able to tell that you’re about to start freaking out, because her therapist-voice is fully activated when she clears her throat.

“Can I ask what's so surprising about this?” she asks carefully. “When we were telling Aegon about how many tickets we each wanted, you said you only needed one. For your brother, right?”

You thought of the ticket, the little envelope you’d held under your pillow for weeks as you fought with the idea of actually giving it to Mark. In the end, a few days ago, when you handed it to him and told him he could come watch you perform if he wanted to, he smiled so big that you felt bad for waiting so long in the first place. But you’d then quickly explained the caveat: that he was not to tell any of the others about it, because there was only one ticket and you didn’t want them hassling you about getting more. And Mark agreed.

Which is why you’d dared to assume that tonight would be safe.

“Yes,” you mutter. “The ticket was for him.”

“Which means you’re not surprised he’s here. So are his friends the problem?”

“The problem?”

You pause. That word makes it seem like their appearance here is actually detrimental to you in some way, like they’re just here to hassle or bully you or something, but that’s not really it at all. Your annoyance at them being here is rooted in the exact opposite. They’re not going to joke around and take it easy, or pat you on the back and tell you that you did well, like how they would if they’d come to watch one of their friends dance. They’re going to swarm you and coo and treat you like a five year old that just stumbled through their first ballet recital.

And as if that isn't bad enough, you realize with a start that you've actually got more to worry about than just being embarrassed by their innate need to baby you.

They, you remember yet again. Plural.

You quickly fix your doomsday-esque expression. "Uh. No, no problem, just... I'm over-exaggerating, forget it, Somi, when you said they, how many are we talking exactly?"

"Seven," she says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, and you fight to keep your shoulders from sagging. "The three from the car, your brother, and three others I don't really know as well, but who're all just as cute."

Seven. Which means Lee Jeno will be in the audience as well. You should've already known that, fully aware that wherever Mark goes Jeno will follow, but you'd been so startled by the change in attendance that you'd momentarily forgotten that you were pointedly avoiding one of that seven.

Great.

A click echoes over the announcement system. You recognize the voice that follows as the organizer of the showcase, the cheerful woman from the promotional video, happily informing all the performers to head to their greenrooms for final warm-ups before the show.

Well. Even if you wanted to mope for longer about your predicament, your mind switches lanes to the task at hand. Somi and Gawon both titter excitedly at the update, but make sure to quickly give their final reassurances about not worrying too much about the people in the audience and using that energy to give your all on stage. They’re right of course, and you probably would have come to this conclusion on your own once you swallowed your knee-jerk reaction to gripe about everything involving your brother and his friends, but you can’t say that their enthusiasm doesn't do the heavy lifting of bringing you back to earth.

You've got a competition to rock, after all. You could worry about everything else after.

Adrenaline made the hour-long showcase go by in what seemed like fifteen seconds. 

Just like that, a short chapter of your life closed with a bang; seven minutes on the stage, deafening cheers, Jiara and Guyeon pulling everyone into one big sweaty hug as soon as you were all out of the spotlight— then you blink and you’re in Gawon’s car with the windows down blasting down Gangnam on the way to Somi’s house, the girls in the seats around you singing along to the radio at the top of their lungs. The sun is setting, you’re heading to your celebratory afterparty, and what should be a picture-perfect moment is completely ruined by the fact that your mind has been in shambles for the last hour and a half. Why?

Because as you inch closer and closer to Somi’s penthouse, all you can think about is the fact that Lee Jeno is sitting up there biding his time before he can stomp your heart into a million more microscopic pieces.

What you didn’t mention about the moments after the performance was that, after rushing through changing out of your performance outfit to find your friends and get the hell out of there, you stumbled out of the greenroom to find a person. A person who was frowning out in the corridor like some sort of mopey ghost, Jeno in all his annoyingly perfect glory, caught mid-pace.

Upon seeing him your body rebooted, a hundred different emotions flashing through your system from the shock of him appearing in front of you at that moment. The only thing you had time to notice before his words ruined the rest of your afternoon was how… fidgety he was; Running his hand through his hair, rocking from foot to foot, crossing and uncrossing his arms over his chest. You’d always taken note of how still Jeno could be sometimes, not moving an inch for seemingly hours at a time, which was the main reason his current inability to stay still even caught your eye— but it was quickly overtaken by the utter despair you felt not soon after he caught sight of you and opened his mouth.

“Can we talk?” he’d asked. And he’d sounded so unsure of himself that you almost instantly crumbled to the puppy-dog eyes, before reality grabbed you by the neck and you remembered that talking to him was actually the last thing you wanted to be doing right now. 

“Busy,” you’d forced out. “My friends are waiting for me outside.”

But he must’ve seen this coming because he looked nonplussed as you took a step back, his own feet matching yours stride for stride, hands coming out almost as if to calm you like one might a spooked horse.

“It won’t take longer than a few minutes,” he tried, “Five minutes, just five. I just— I really, really want to clarify a few things from Saturday. What I said on the balcony.”

He said it like there was a chance you might’ve forgotten what happened, which almost made you laugh in disbelief. Like it was possible to forget that shitshow, your first love telling you that he was kind of interested in you once upon a time, but did nothing about it because your brother came first. Though, once you fully realized that he meant he wanted to talk about that right now, the moment lost its humor.

Now? Here? You glanced up and down the hallway. Your friends weren’t around, nor were his, but you were hardly alone.

“I wasn’t being entirely—”

“You're going to the party, aren’t you?” You cut Jeno off. Very unlike you when it came to him, and with the way he blinked you had a feeling he knew that too.

“The party?” 

“Somi said she invited you guys.”

“I— I wasn't sure you wanted me to come.”

“Somi invited you, Lee. Is that any way to treat your hostess? We can—” You swallowed. “Come by, and we can find a minute to talk then, but for now I really—”

“Have to go,” he finished with a small wince. “Got it.”

And once he’d metaphorically let you go, taking a step back to slip his hands in his pockets, you’d all but run away; finding Guyeon and Gawon waiting for you like they said they’d be, ready to leave and head to Alice’s house to pretty-up for the party in her gigantic flat. You were trying your best to keep up the energy when you got into the car with them, laughing along to their jokes and dancing along to the music, but you couldn’t stop thinking of what type of curbstomp Jeno was about to release on the suffering remains of your sixteen year-old feelings. 

Even up until the final touches of your make-up, you were commiserating. What the hell could he possibly want to clarify? 

Was he going to tell you to stop being weird around him and the others, because your mood was fucking up their vibe? To stop avoiding him so obviously, that it was as noticeable for everyone as it felt for you, that it was making it awkward for him?

Or could he mean that he was going to tell you he’d… misspoken? That he’d never really liked you the way you liked him, and didn’t want you to misunderstand— by interested in you he meant in the way all guys were interested in all girls, some lowly, surface level thing that he quickly got over when he realized his friendship with your brother could be jeopardized by it?

The last thought had stung a little more than the others, and you’d accidentally frowned so hard about it that it creased your still-setting concealer and had to wipe it all off.

After angrily redoing your base you’d forced it from your mind and got dressed, stealing a simple henley dress from Gawon’s closet upon realizing that you were not in the mood for sexy-cute like Somi had said the dress code was. Instead you opted for ‘hey, you can see my legs and that's good enough,’ and huffed your old leather jacket on top of it; the latter was sure to piss her off but she still owed you from the Mosquito Boy Incident, so she could kick rocks about it for all you cared. 

You had a feeling that no matter what you wore, tonight wasn’t going to be very sexy-cute at all.

The party is just getting into the swing of things when you make it upstairs. It’s like the explosion of a birthday surprise when you and the girls walk through the door. This party is technically a celebration, and you guess a lot of these people must’ve been in the Aegon audience without you knowing it, because you’re getting congratulations and kudos and pats on the back like you’ve just won an olympic medal.

But your pride is short lived, tainted by a bolt of nerves when you think you spot someone that looks like Donghyuck in your periphery. Where Hyuck is, Jeno will be.

It turns out to only be a very tall girl with a pixie cut who winks at you when you whirl your head to her, but the stress of it doesn't ebb away. God. Is the whole night going to be like this? Walking on pins and needles until he finds you?

“You know, new girl,” A voice starts at your side, startling you further, “Your ice breaker back at that my party could’ve been that you’re a kick-ass dancer, instead of that bullshit with the mosquitos.”

Wooyoung. Your friends are suddenly nowhere to be seen when your turn to him, clearly having fucked off into the mass the second alcohol became available, so it’s just the both of you hovering over by this snack table. Though this is only the second or third time you’ve interacted with him past a greeting (you see him sometimes on campus, and he always waves at you like you’re best friends when you pass each other), you’re actually rather soothed by his presence. 

“You wanted to know juicy secrets, not secret hobbies. If you asked me for an ice breaker and I told you I could dance, you would’ve kicked me out of that house.”

He laughs, a snickering sound, before eyeing two jello-shots a girl walks by with in her hands.

“Do a shot with me?” he pouts. “My friends are running late and I’m still painfully sober.”

A shot?  

...Hm. A shot. Inebriation. You’re not one to like straight liquor because the burn in your throat is often more than you think the gag is worth. But if you’re looking to relax sooner rather than later… the pain might not be without its merit. 

Liquid courage. Something you could definitely use right now, as skittish as you’re being. Maybe he’s onto something.

“Just one?” you pique, turning to survey the options. “Thought you were more hardcore than that, VP.”

One jello-shot quickly turns into four with Wooyoung involved, and your mouth is sweet with the taste of artificial dye by the time you actually spot Donghyuck, over by Somi’s balcony doors chatting up some pretty girl you recognize from your physical education class. The volleyball player. Xiaoting or something close, and you almost snort at the sight because she seems way out of his league. But he has a way with words that you guess you could be attractive when he wields it with flirtation in mind, instead of the intent to piss off like he always does with you.

The Smirnoff burning in your stomach must already be settling in because you only mildly bristle when you see him. Like you thought earlier: Hyuck is here, which means Jeno is here. And… and the Smirnoff must’ve already hit your brain, actually, because all of a sudden you’re feeling agitated and confrontational.

You don’t want to spend all night worrying about when he’s going to find you and drop the bomb. So what if he doesn’t like you! So what if he probably wants to forget the moment that happened out on that balcony never occurred at all? You lived your life without yearning over Jeno for years before you moved back here, so it won’t even be that hard to go cold-turkey when he says what he needs to and inevitably squashes the remainder of your heart in his fist. It’s fine. You’ll live.

You just need to rip it off like a bandaid first. And to do that?

“Hey, Woo, I think I need to go and look for somebody. You’re still down for that dance battle later?”

“I don’t play around with my challenges,” he says, grinning much too wide, “I’ll find you later, and then it’s on. Knock em’ dead, new girl.”

As bold as you suddenly are, you actually don’t want to go and interrupt whatever Donghyuck has going on just to ask him where Jeno is. So you’re on your own for a little, scanning the walls for him and the stupid clavicles poking out of his button-up, hair all windswept and eyes so dark. It’s nearly a minute of searching before you see something familiar— but it’s not exactly what you’re looking for.

Close enough, though. 

It seems like Na Jaemin has actually spotted you first, since he’s already heading towards you when you spot his head of pink darting through the crowd. You don’t fuss when he musses your hair and gasps over the competition, applauding you in that sickeningly earnest way he always has, since you’re used to his preening and compliments. Not to say you’re not appreciative. It always makes your face hot when he coos over you like this. But you’ve got a mission in mind, and fretting at him over the pouting and cheek-squeezing will get you nowhere.

“Yes, thank you, I did hear you cheering over everyone else at the end, no I wasn’t hiding my swag from you on purpose, thank you, you can stop pretending to cry now. Where is Jeno?”

The idea of you looking for Lee Jeno on purpose must startle him, because there’s a second after his clear offense at you brushing him off where he registers what you’re asking for and actually looks a little concerned. “Jeno? No-Jam? Why? Did he say something to you?”

“What? No, I just need to talk to him about something. Thought he’d be hanging around you.”

Imperceptibly, Jaemin lightens. 

“Oh. He’s downstairs hefting handles out of Somi’s car, because blondie forgot half the drinks in her trunk. He got volunteered by Chenle as Mr. Muscles and left with her like five minutes ago, so he should be back any minute.”

Damn it. Forlornly, you glance at the door, but there's nothing. No movement. Nada. There goes all your building bravado.

“But before he returns, young lady, should we talk about how that red tinge to your lips better be from the non-alcoholic jello-shots?”

Ah. Whoops. Not only no movement, but now you’ve gotten yourself trapped in the sights of Na Jaemin, who likes to pretend to be staunch on things like laws and teenage innocence and waiting to do things until the government says you’re allowed to. You constantly forget that you’re not yet the drinking age, because no college student handing out drinks at a party ever gives a fuck about the fact that you’re legally not quite legal yet. No other college student besides the one standing in front of you.

“You’ll stunt your growth if you drink before you’re supposed to!”

To this you glance at the cup he’s holding, clearly half full of something, and nearly go to laugh and ask him what his excuse is since he’s barely 21 himself, but then you think of something funnier. Without really thinking about it you snatch the cup from his hand and hork it down. Your eyes are locked with his the entire time so you get to see his surprise grow into shock, then expand into disbelief as you chug, and chug, and chug.

There’s a lot of… some peach flavored crap in here, burning like murder all the way down, to the point that you’re more bewildered than smug when the cup is finally drained because, “Fuck, Na, what is that shit? Are you trying to black out?” 

“Language!” he hisses, genuinely startled for the first time you’ve seen in a long time, which makes you laugh, “And of course not because that wasn’t mine, you little brat! I was holding that for Somi!"

“Oh,” you reply, only mildly shifted by this news. Sorry, Som. Now you know it must be peach Schnapps. She loves Schnapps. “What, so you’re not drinking tonight at all? Are you DD?”

“No! I’m not drinking, and I’m offended that you don’t already know I hate the taste of alcohol. Mark, who may I remind you is in this room and would’ve just shit himself if he’d seen what you just did, is playing designated driver tonight! He’s…”

And as he glances towards the kitchen you follow his gaze. You’re expecting to see your brother, most likely laughing over something his friends are saying, maybe even trying to dance-battle someone if he's having a particularly good time. Instead you see your brother chatting up Jeon Soyeon. 

Jeon… Soyeon. Nabi Bar, Jeon Soyeon. Who you haven’t spoken to or even seen since that awful night in Gangnam.

And you nearly gasp in terror at the sight.

Jaemin doesn't finish his sentence, and you dart your eyes to him when you realize this. He doesn’t look very pleased by what he’s seeing either, though you’re guessing for an entirely different reason than the one that’s just made you go cold.

“What?” you ask a little too quickly. The front door opens, which should be your cue to look for who’s just come in, but you can’t tear your eyes from the sight of Soyeon and Mark. What the fuck? What the fuck? “Do they know each other?” 

“Know each other?” Jaemin scoffs. “Hard to quantify.”

It would be very, very bad for you if they knew each other. Very bad. If not already clear, Mark still had no clue you weren’t where you said you were on the night of Nabi Bar. If she happened to mention your involvement in that shity, shitty idea, you had no doubt that Mark would go all holier-than-thou on you in front of all these people, and that you’d probably have to dive off of the balcony to escape the reaming.

He doesn’t look particularly comfortable, near pressed up against kitchen island because Soyeon is so close to him, hand rubbing at the back of his neck in that way you’re well aware means he’s getting flustered; but you see him laugh at something she says in the next second, and it doesn’t seem like his fake laugh. Mark’s fake laugh is terrible, and even from a distance you can spot it like the flashing lights on an ambulance, a beacon of distress just the same. So he’s laughing for real, at something… Soyeon is saying?

But you hardly recall her being very funny. 

“What does that mean, hard to quantify? Do they have history?”

“Something like that,” he murmurs. “Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about. Anyway, I think Jeno is—”

“You never look at anyone with any kind of attitude, and just now you rolled your eyes at her.”

“I didn’t roll my eyes. I blinked. For a long time. Something in my eye. Dusty in here.”

“Somi has this place deep cleaned twice a week.”

He stares at you like he’s begging you to drop it. You stare back, unwilling. “You know, Na, the longer you stall, the more time that all this illegal alcohol in my blood has to make me more bold and reckless and unruly. If I don’t get an answer from you I might just go over there and ask her myself. How do they know each other?”

You’re bluffing, of course— there’s no way you’re about to go over there just to see what they’re talking about when you could safely squeeze that information out of Jaemin instead. In reality, you were only pressing because you wanted to know if they were close enough for Soyeon to know you and Mark were related. If not? Then perfect! You’d forget it all and be on your merry way, reverting back to your original plan of finding Jeno, because there’d be no chance Soyeon could spill the beans. 

But if Soyeon does know? You might have to leave this party a little earlier than scheduled. 

“You want the whole, grown-up truth?” Jaemin finally relents.

“Might I remind you for the hundredth time that I’m only a year younger than you?”

“A year and a half,” he acquiesces with a sigh, “And Jeon Soyeon may or may not have slept with your brother to get him to do their midterm project last year.”

It comes out like he’s reading the headline from a newspaper and you made the mistake of swallowing right before he opens his mouth, choking violently on your own spit. He pats you on the back as you hack and cough before continuing.

“None of us are really sure about exactly what really happened because Mark kind of shut down after, wouldn’t tell us anything. But it was pretty clear he liked her before. She’s kinda his type, you know?” 

Edgy, pretty, and fucking evil, yeah, after having to chase a few of them away in high school you’re well aware of his type! This was not what you wanted to know about when you asked if they were close! What the hell?

“He told us they’d gone all the way right before she asked him to do their entire music production project because she was too busy caring for her sick little sister. He, being the bleeding heart he is, pretty much refused to listen to us about how convenient the timing was; he even got mad when Chenle did some sleuthing and found out that Soyeon’s parents facebook, which was filled to the brim of photos of their family, didn’t have any trace of another kid in their midst besides her. Wouldn’t believe us until after the project was turned in, when he tried to meet up with her for weeks and she ghosted him every time.”

He frowns. “At the end of it, he wasn’t… It wasn’t good. He was pretty crushed.”

Now you regret chugging his drink for fun. Even before it you’d been feeling further than chill, pleasant and buzzing from your shots, well prepared for whatever hell was to arise with Jeno. Now you felt loose; too loose, fingertips tingling at your sides because of this news, heart pounding in your chest, body so warm from the alcohol that you felt like Jaemin would hiss if he’d laid a finger on your skin.

To play games with you, that’s one thing. But Soyeon has laid her hands on your brother?

“And, knowing all of that,” you say slowly, clearly, “You’re still letting him sit there and talk to her?”

“I want to kick her away,” Jaemin says flatly. “I’d be lying if I said I trust that girl as far as I can throw her. But it’s not really up to us to get involved.”

“Who is us?”

“His friends? I mean he was pretty clear when it happened that he did not want to talk about it—”

You bark a laugh, but there’s no humor to it at all. “So he can pout and gripe about the sanctity of discussing your problems with people, the embarrassing, the horrifying, but when it comes to him he gets to keep secrets? Forget how hypocritical that is, you guys are listening?”

Jaemin, finally, seems to catch the heat in your words. “Uh. He told… I mean, before you get all up in arms, she may be over there apologizing for all we know. Maybe she’s repenting.”

You both stare at her as she tips her head back in laughter, the salacious flirty kind where you’re more focused on being attractive than actually enjoying the joke, before she puts her hand on his chest in a, ‘Wow, you’re so funny, take me now,’ kind of way, leaning in to say something to him that she clearly doesn’t want anyone else to hear. Every hair on your body stands up when Mark doesn’t push her away.

He’s not seriously buying her shit again, is he? 

“Jaemin, are you willing to bet your life on that?”

“What?”

“Everything you just said about Soyeon. You know that for fact?”

“Well, no, Mark didn’t actually tell us about it so I can never be sure, but… but with what we could gather, it was pretty cut and dry. Chenle actually also found out she had a boyfriend at the same time she did all that stuff with Mark. We just couldn’t bear to tell him that after the fact, so we never… Hey, where—”

You’re sober enough to make it through the throng of people without stumbling, but not sober enough to fully anticipate what you’re really about to do. The goal is just to separate them, somehow, to get that harlot away from your brother, and then you’ll go and deal with Jeno. If people greet you as you pass you don’t hear or see it; all you can grasp is her, touching him, laughing with him, cheating, lying, people-using—

“Mark,” you nearly hiss, “I need to talk to you. Now.”

Mark jumps a foot in the air when you grab him but Soyeon, for some reason, doesn’t look surprised to see you in the slightest. She does, however, raise a sharp blonde eyebrow at your tone.

“What,” Mark splutters, “Right now?”

“Yeah,” Soyeon sighs, continuing to trail her eyes up and down Mark’s face instead of looking at you, “The grown-ups are talking, sweetheart. Can’t you give us a second?”

Mark turns back to the sensual softness of her voice like a moth to a flame, and you want to smack him. “No. Not a second now, not a second later, not a second tomorrow or forever. Now, Mark.”

And that was where you made the mistake that turned this whole night sour. Only when Soyeon realizes it’s her you have a problem with, catching on from the agitation in your tone that you’re not just here to bother Mark for fun, does she slide her unreadable gaze to you. 

“You know I haven’t seen you in a while, Little Lee.”

“For the better,” you mutter. “Seriously—”

“I was so surprised when Yuqi told me you two were related.” 

She’s talking to Mark but looking at you, eyes squinted a little, like someone analyzing a germ under a microscope. So she does know. Great. “I couldn’t believe that this girl was the same little star you used to tell me about when I met her. She’s grown up a lot, you know? Doesn’t take after you at all, Markie.”

“Soyeon,” you say again, “Let him go.”

“Why? So you can keep throwing your tantrum? Every time you open your mouth it gets harder and harder to see the resemblance. When you’re so…”

She doesn’t need to say it, and it’s honestly probably better that she didn’t, because you would’ve leapt at her if she’d gone as far as she’d been intending to dig with that comment. You’re aware you don’t resemble Mark, physically or otherwise— in accomplishment, in talent, in patience, in perfect unmarred reputation. You’re well fucking aware. 

“Soyeon,” Mark finally says, thankfully lurching a little in your direction like her evil witch's spell is finally wearing off, “I don’t think there’s any need for that, what the hell is going on? Do you two know each other?”

Soyeon opens her eyes comically wide. “You don’t know?”

And you feel Mark stop. What the hell are you doing, you want to scream. Why are you even pausing for this bullshit? Come on! But he doesn’t. He stands there and he stares at her, as if searching her face for any sign of truth, and Soyeon takes this as her cue.

“Little star is a big girl now! Her own fake ID, clinging along with her baby bottle to any club the adults want to go to, even catching her own ride home with any wasted guy that smiles in her direction! Don’t you live together? What a handful she must be if she can sneak out under your nose, Markie.”

The blood rushing in your ears makes it hard to tell if it’s only you that’s losing your hearing or if the rest of the people hanging around in the kitchen really have quieted to watch the rising altercation, but you don’t dare move your eyes from the girl to check. The baby bottle comment, outing your fake ID, all of that is rage inducing on its own— but it’s a cold, stomach twisting madness that grabs you when you latch on to the last part of what she’s just said. Catching your own ride home?

Was she referring to Yoobin?

Your fingers unfurl from Mark’s jacket.

“What do you mean, catch my own ride?”

Soyeon laughs. Under normal circumstances, it would be a pretty sound. “Did you think we didn’t see you leave? Blowing up our phones like there was some big emergency— We sent that guy out there to keep you the company you wanted so much, God, we got tired of babysitting you. You stopped calling and neither of you came back inside. What, cause your brother is here you’re going to try and soften it up now, huh? Tell us all you didn’t go home with that drunkard, when you love to tell people you’re no stranger to a bar?”

Yoobin, who grabbed you, touched you, tried to drive you home in his wasted state with clear intentions on what he wanted in return.

Yoobin, who Soyeon and Yuqi and their friends had sent, knowing you were panicked, knowing he made you uncomfortable, knowing you were looking for them.

Soyeon who stopped hearing from you and laughed it off. Soyeon who stopped hearing from you for days and didn’t bat an eye, knowing what she’d left you alone with.

Soyeon, who’s straight, pretty nose cracks under your fist in the same way Yoobin’s did, except this time you don’t run away when she screams and collapses and you realize what you’ve done. Except this time you hit her again— or you try to at least, lunging for her with your eyes ablaze, unsure what you’ll do when you get there but 100% sure it’ll hurt worse than a bloody fucking nose— but don’t quite get there, because someone has lifted you off the ground, two iron-bar arms wrapped like vices around your ribs, the worlds tightest back hug.

In your right mind you might’ve placed the sandalwood and the bergamot, or recognized the rolled up sleeves of his oversized button up, ivory and forest green, but as it stood—

As it stood, as you shouted and thrashed and fought, you only made out one thing.

Mark Lee, your own brother, helping Jeon Soyeon to her feet, two hands firm on her arms to hold her up; his surprised voice the last thing you hear before Lee Jeno hauls you out of that house.

“Wow, Soyeon. Is that true?”

(”Rockstar is going to wallop that girl,” Donghyuck mutters, staring at you like they all are from behind the pillar separating the kitchen from the living room, alerted to the worsening confrontation by a sheepish Jaemin.

“No she won’t," Jaemin tries, clearly feeling guilty, "She knows better than that.”

“She’s gone still. And I’ve never, ever seen her eyes that wide before.”

“That’s control. It’s restraint. She’s not going to hit her.”

Renjun, then, “If you really believe that then why do you look so nervous?”

“Her fist is balled up,” Jisung comments quietly.

“It’s restraint!”

“You weren’t there the day that she knocked the socks off of Park Gyubin, right? When he tried lifting her friend’s skirt up in the cafeteria?”

“She…” Jaemin glances at Donghyuck, “She’s tried to fight men before?”

“Tried to? I thought she was going to kill him. Y/N hit him so hard he had to get his retainer refitted. She’s got a right hook like her brothers. I bruise when she hits me, you know.”

Renjun again, “Why do you sound so proud of that?”

“She… Well, no, look, look! She let go of Mark. They have to be deescalating, she—”

“Does deescalating usually involve getting closer to the object of your anger?” Jisung asks.

“She—”

“Here it comes,” Chenle announces excitedly.

And then Jeno is across the room.)

Jeno realizes before you do that you’re not going back home tonight.

His apartment looks the same. Obviously. It’s only been three weeks since you were last here. Like before, Jeno doesn’t bother with the lights, kicking his shoes off in the entryway the same way, except this time you have two shoes of your own to place next to them instead of the sad and lonely single. Three weeks ago, but it feels like it’s only been a day or two since you did this whole song and dance; following him to the bathroom, sitting on the counter as he stoops under to rummage through his first-aid bin, gritting your teeth when he rubs your knuckles with the antiseptic, smiling weakly when he apologizes for the sting.

You’d cried in his car.

When Jeno carried you out of Somi’s apartment you thought the stinging in your eyes was just discombobulated rage. But when he set you down on your feet in the elevator and you began to come down from the adrenaline high, the burning just intensified as you understood what just happened. You’d only been able to keep the tears at bay until he told you to put your seatbelt on in his passenger seat and it all became too real. 

Though you’re not sober enough right now for it to feel like a problem yet, you know you’ll want to kill yourself tomorrow for allowing yourself to devolve in front of him like that no matter the circumstance. In the moment, you weren’t even entirely sure what you were crying about. Was it the craze of fury wearing off after punching Soyeon, and the jitters it left behind? Or the fact that even when Jeno was tugging you towards the elevator up there, you’d stood and waited for Mark to follow for nearly an entire minute, just for him to never come out? 

You’d like to chalk it up to adrenaline and inebriation, but deep down you knew exactly what it was that had your eyes brimming with those tears. 

He’d chosen Soyeon. The girl who’d lied to him, cheated with him, fucked him over for a grade and left you for dead on the streets of Gangnam, and he’d stayed in that house with her instead of coming out to check on you. And you weren’t really one to catastrophize, but how couldn’t that signal the definitive end of Mark putting up with your shit? The nail in the coffin of his patience with you?

You knew things had been rough lately with you moving in, the thread of butting heads over little things like curfews and the people you hung out with, but you hadn’t thought your relationship had deteriorated to the point that he’d ever… that he’d ever choose someone else. You’re his sister. No matter how mad he is, he’s supposed to choose you. 

But he didn't. And in Lee Jeno’s passenger seat, like a giant baby, you cried about it. 

In proper Y/N fashion the only thing that had chuffed you into sucking it all up and swallowing it into the depths of your soul never to be seen again, was Jeno’s building appearing on the horizon. The threat of him asking you if you’re alright and actually having to confront those feelings was terrifying enough to jar you out of your self pity.

But he hadn’t asked you about your red eyes. He hadn’t said anything, actually. He just tugged you out of the car and into the elevator. Herded you into his apartment. And tipped his head towards his bathroom just like before, except this time he was smiling. In the soft, polite kind of way that let you know he was well aware of what just transpired in his car, but was simply... letting it be.

(And you always knew Jeno was rather observant. But man, the thought behind that smile could’ve made you burst into tears all over again.)

On the counter, holding out your hand for the steps that would never come, you blinked back to the present when Jeno stopped at the healing salve. You’d been waiting for him to bust out the gauze again, already lamenting the next week of your life with the itchy fabric tight around your wrist, but all Jeno does is raise an eyebrow at you when you don’t hop off of the sink after he puts the kit away.

“What are you waiting for?” he asks.

You blink down at your hand, shiny with the balm, and then back up at him. “The rest of it.”

“The wrap? I didn’t think you needed it.”

“But that’s what you did last time I was here.”

“Because the last time you were here you didn’t know how to punch someone properly. It looked like you got her the right way this time. When I was tugging at that wrist in the elevator just now you hardly seemed to notice, when you could barely close your fist a few weeks ago.”

…Oh. Only as he mentions it do you roll your hand around in its socket, flexing your fingers under the bathroom light. Your knuckles look like shit, the newly forming bruises and angry skin, but it doesn’t actually ache like it did that night with Yoobin.

Well you’ll be damned. So straightening your wrist really does work.

“Oh,” you mumble. “I guess I don’t. Wasn’t really thinking about it.”

“Of course you weren’t. Probably thinking about what you wanted to eat, right?”

“What I— What?”

What you wanted to eat? When did you discuss that you were hungry?

“Heard your stomach grumbling in the car, so I’m assuming you haven’t eaten since before the competition. There’s a pizza place down the street that I think you’d like, a jajangmyeon shop too, but their delivery takes ages. It’s up to you.”

You stare at him, clearly not following. Jeno is relaying this to you like tonight was planned, as if it was always in the cards for you to be hanging out at his place tonight like a couple of pals, leaning against the door with his arms crossed, the perfect picture of normalcy. He thinks you’re going to be here long enough to eat? He’s not planning to have you shipped out of here in the next half hour?

But then you realize that there isn’t really another place for you to be shipped to. Mark’s apartment is… not really an option. The idea of going back there tonight almost makes your stomach roll, actually.

But if you don’t go back, that doesn’t leave much in the realm of locations to hide out at. Somi’s brother is coming home tonight, she’d squealed as much this morning, and considering how rare it is that he’s not busy in other countries you abhor the idea of intruding on their reunification. You don’t have many other friends here that you’re close enough with to just show up at their place at 10PM unannounced, not that you’d want to given that your little spat with Soyeon is probably all over everyones instagram stories right now, and is surely the only thing they’ll want to talk about.

You don’t have very many options right now. And Jeno probably knew that from the moment he decided to bring you here. 

“Thinking pretty hard over there,” Jeno hums, “for what is supposed to be a two choice question. Unless you don’t want either?”

“Pizza is… fine.”

“Just fine, or actually good? I can check to see if there’s any—”

“It’s good, Lee.”

He smiles like he’s got you in the bag, and then stands up straight. “I’ll order it then.”

You nod emptily and make moves to follow him out of the bathroom, right on his tail, which is why you nearly crash into him when he whirls back around to stop you. “Oh. Almost forgot.”

“What? Forgot what?"

But you only grow more confused when Jeno speeds off towards his room without replying. There’s a creak and a shuffle, doors opening and closing before Jeno returns with a bundle of fabric bunched up in his arms.

“Can’t imagine it’ll be very comfortable to hang out in that dress all night.” 

He holds out the mass; what appears to be a heather gray hoodie and black sweatpants that, even bunched up like this, still look miles too long for you. He sees you eyeing it and you fear he’s going to do something awful, like politely offer to go and get you something else as if he hasn’t already done a hundred other things for you tonight, so you quickly oblige. Once you relieve him of the pile he laughs, tells you he’s going to put the order in for the pizza, and closes the door on the way out.

You stand there unmoving for much too long, the heap of fabric clutched to your chest.

There’s so much to unpack. Being here again. The fact that he was supposed to break your heart today instead of doing all of... this. How casual he’s being about it all. The brother-slash-bestfriend shaped elephant in the room. The clothes.

But, for the sake of not collapsing under the weight of all of that turmoil, you decide to just focus on the latter; the most immediate and least heart wrenching of the bunch. His clothes. You’re going to wear his clothes. 

Yet another of your old dreams coming to fruition in this apartment. Lucky you.

Jeno is laying across the long part of the couch when you exit the bathroom, footsteps making no noise because you’re padding along on top of the ankle hems. He’s dressed differently too; gone is the jeans and the ivory button up, in its place a black long sleeve and navy blue sweatpants just like yours, except his actually fit. He’s texting furiously on his phone when you round the corner, eyebrows furrowed with something like irritation before he sees your looming figure in the corner of his eye and looks up.

"I put an X-Men movie into the DVD player," he announces, squinting back down to his screen, "Couldn't think of a better time than now to finally get into it, since you'll be here to explain all the things I don't understand..."

But he trails off as he stares at his phone, eyebrows furrowing at something before he frowns and stands up. The look is gone when you shuffle towards the couch and he looks up again, smiling at you like you like nothing is wrong, before he says, "I need to make a call though. Start the movie, yeah? I'll be back before things get interesting."

You stare at him. Probably shouldn't miss the opening scene if you really want to 'get into it', you nearly say. But you've been on this earth for long enough to recognize when someone wants a little privacy.

You want to ask if it's Mark. If he's the one Jeno had been messaging back so agitatedly just now. But the fear of it not being him, Jeno instead just trying to sort something out with like, a truant project partner or something, makes you stuff it down again. It'll just make you look even more pitiful.

"Sure. Most of the intro is fan service anyway."

He opens his mouth like he's about to say something else but then his phone starts to ring and he only smiles tightly at you instead. Then he's gone down the corridor, into his bedroom, and when the ringtone finally stops you can barely hear his voice much less make out what he's saying. Hm.

A different day and you might've snuck off after him to eavesdrop just to see for yourself. But after tonight?

You simply watch him go, and then tumble onto his couch with the exhaustion of someone who's just run up and down the building a dozen times.

You don't even have the strength to reach over for the TV remote; you just lay there and revel in the softness of the cushions, and at how tired you suddenly feel. Rehearsal all morning, giving it your all on stage, the energy-leeching atmosphere of a house party, the alcohol sagging through your veins. Not to mention the emotional confusion. Crying always takes it out of you.

So it's no wonder that you forgo turning the movie on to just take a moment to breathe in the pleasantly dark living room, closing your eyes for what you intended to be a brief second, just to gather the last bits of your patience and sanity for the night ahead... only to fall victim to what happens to most people when they say they're just resting their eyes.

You fall asleep. 

At least for a little while, you do. A brief, dreamless, blissful unconsciousness.

It’s so blissful in fact, that when you’re startled back to life by a knock at the front door a few minutes later— blinking the haze out of your eyes and seeing Jeno’s ceiling instead of your own, understanding with a sinking hopelessness that you’re not waking from a nightmare, that all of tonight has really happened— the dread is almost crushing when it all comes back.

But there isn't even any time to mourn. Because you realize that if someone's just knocked on the door, like the good homeowner he is, Jeno will be out here any second now to open it. He'll come out here and he'll see you and you'll be sucked right back into that nightmare, pretending like everything is fine when you both know that tonight was supposed to go so, so differently. Sitting next to each other and eating next to each other and attempting small talk for the sake of keeping things civil until you can escape this place in ten hours.

The idea almost gives you hives. You can't do it. You can't. There has to be another way. What if you make something up? A sore throat? A sudden headache?

But there's no time to think of anything fancy because in the next second Jeno's bedroom door clicks open down the hall, and panic flies up in your throat.

So you do the only think you can fathom. Before he can come around the corner and see you freaking out, you fling yourself back over and pretend to still be dead asleep.

As foolish as you immediately feel, it must work at least a little bit; you hear him come into the living room, hesitate, and then continue on past the couch on lighter steps as if worried about making too much noise. You even steady your breathing when he’s opening the door for the pizza guy— smooth inhale, smooth exhale, spaced just far enough to replicate what someone sounds like when they’ve been out for a while.

Shit. Will this actually work?

When he closes the door and the room falls to silence your heart picks up a little bit. What is he doing? Is he staring at you, trying to see if you’re faking?

Is he wondering if he should wake you up to eat? Oh, God! What if—

“Are you up?” he whispers. And you almost choke trying to swallow down the instinctual response that rises in your throat.

With surprisingly great effort, you do nothing. Say nothing. You don’t even stir. You just pray to whatever God is out there that Jeno will take the hint, eat his pizza at the kitchen island, leave you out here and go to bed. You get excited when you hear his steps again and think he’s going to pass the couch straight, but of course a second later you feel the couch dip somewhere off behind your back and you nearly curse.

“Guess not,” Jeno mumbles. "I forgot that you knock out so easily."

A few more seconds of what feels like an endless quiet, only his shuffling making sound; through your squeezed-shut eyes you see the light of the TV flicker like he’s just changed the channel, and with it you hear what must be the intro to a gameshow or something— excited chatter, ringing bells, audience cheers. But the volume is turned down so low that it feels like the show is playing in another room. Is he keeping the volume low because of you?

Is he… going to stay out here? 

“So you won’t mind if I think out loud,” he says suddenly, and your eyes nearly fly open in surprise. What? 

But he sounds serious. “Like a test run, almost. For what I wanted to talk about earlier at Aegon. Since I still don’t really know what the hell I’m going to say even after losing sleep over it all week, and I know you’ll try to stop me if you’re awake. I should just try it now, right?”

Try it... now?

Your fake deep-breathing almost hitches in panic when you realize what he’s getting at. Sweet God, please, no. What he wanted to talk about earlier? He wants to get into that now?

“Jaemin scolded me for springing it on you like that after your showcase, by the way. I didn’t realize that I might’ve cornered you until later and I’m sorry about that. I just really, really wanted to talk. Because I didn’t before, and everything got all…” he sighs, heavily. “I’m thankful that you told me to get lost earlier, because I think I can explain it better, like this. I can start from the beginning. I know how thorough you are about things like this.”

You hear the beep of a digital watch somewhere in his house as your face scrunches up in confusion. It's officially midnight, if the watch is making noise to denote the hour, but the realization of the time only comes second to the slow bewilderment slipping through your gloom.

From the beginning? The beginning of what? What the hell does any of that have to do with firmly rejecting you?

“Before we met, because of the way Mark talked about you, I had this idea in my head that you’d be some sort of perfect, flawless angel. That you’d be a little version of him; neat and proper and just a little bit naive, too nice for your own good. A rule follower.”

He laughs at this, a genuine laugh at the memory, and your frown deepens in embarrassment. “Then I actually laid my own eyes on you for the first time, and I realized I couldn’t have been more off.”

You remember it clearly, the first time you’d made a fool out of yourself in front of him and the rest of Mark’s friends. Fourteen years old, running inside the house after walking home from class with your own crew; you’d completely forgotten that you were supposed to bring your skateboard and a change of clothes to school because you all planned to ride around the park that day, the first warm afternoon after a mushy spring, and they said if you didn’t come back out in sixty seconds or less they’d leave you in the dust. So you stormed into the house, past the living room with all of them in it without even a glance or greeting since you hadn’t realized it wasn’t just your brother in there, hurled off your uniform in favor of your outfit staples at the time— an oversized tee that you stole from Mark, hand-me-down cargo shorts that also came from your brother’s closet, and your most cherished possessions: a Yankees baseball cap and your beat-up blue Nikes. 

But you couldn’t find your skateboard and the clock was running out, so you howled down the staircase, “If you moved my skateboard again from where I put it I’m going to kill you in your sleep!” only for Mark to shout back up, “It’s a tripping hazard! It’s in the hallway closet! And aren’t you grounded right now? Where are you even going? Does mom know?”

You hadn’t replied. Just snatched the board from where he said he’d stashed it, barreled back down the stairs, and was fully preparing to toss your brother some half-assed explanation, but then you’d seen him. Seen them. Mark’s new school friends, all lounging on your living room couch, staring at you as if you’d come into the room with a bomb. Lee Jeno (who’s name you’d only later find out) appeared the most stunned by your tornado-like appearance. 

You could only imagine what they were seeing. Some rowdy tomboy, technically on house arrest but running out to wreak havoc on the town regardless, threatening to kill people in their sleep for tidying up. Exaggerated, obviously, but you remember being mortified halfway to Sunday by how cute they all were and that this was their first introduction to you— and in that mortification, sprinting out of the house without telling your brother anything at all.

You’d gotten a good scolding for that later.

“And it’s going to sound kind of stupid,” Jeno continues, and if you didn’t know any better you’d think you heard the smile in his voice, “But because of that, I got this idea in my head that Mark must’ve only been seeing you through those rose-tinted glasses. The type every older brother has for every younger sister, the ones that make everything they do look cute and miraculous and perfect even if they’re clearly evil to everyone else. Not saying I thought you were secretly some sort of demon or anything either, ‘cause I know you’d roll your eyes at me right now if you could. Just that the girl I saw that day was nowhere near the delicate little thing he’d described. And I got... curious. I started wondering what you were actually like.”

Your face is getting hot again. You’ve never, ever heard him speak this much in one sitting, and the idea of him ever paying this much attention to you is mind boggling. But you don’t let yourself lean into whatever feeling of hope is whistling through your head. 

So what if he made a game out of trying to separate your real traits from the things Mark got wrong about you six years ago? Sometimes you liked to make up season-long dramas about strangers you saw on campus. It doesn’t mean anything now. 

You want to scrunch into a ball. You aren’t sure how much more of this monologue you can handle, even despite the consequences of rolling over and breaking the facade just to get him to stop. The heat in your face is spreading to your neck, your stomach, every inch of your skin, it’s making your stomach churn with discomfort. 

“But then the next year you came to our school,” Jeno says with finality, like this is supposed to be some important distinction. “And it stopped being as casual of an interest. The months went by and at some point I stopped looking for you just to see if you were doing something Mark didn’t know about, and started looking for you just because I wanted to know what you were doing. We’d come over for movie night and while Hyuck and Jae argued for hours about what they did and didn’t want to watch, I’d be wondering if I’d get to see you. You probably won’t remember this, but one of those nights I even ordered an extra curry bowl just so I’d have an excuse to knock on your door to tell you about it. And I thought that was a normal thing to do.” 

Jesus Christ. Do you remember? Of course you remember! You’d been reading at your desk with your headphones in, which meant Jeno had to come all the way into your room to get your attention— tapping the side of your earbud with two gentle fingers, laughing all crescent-eyed at you when you yelped in surprise. The sight of him in your room for the first time was like a grenade going off in your tweenaged mind; you’d had to calm down for nearly an entire minute before going downstairs to get your food.

“I thought it was just Mark rubbing off on me. He cared so much about you that I thought my sudden interest was simply overprotection by relation— that he was the reason why I couldn’t stop looking for you. ‘Cause in my mind it couldn't be anything else but brotherly. Mark was pretty clear about what he thought of the people that liked you so I knew it couldn’t be that; I wasn’t stupid enough to let myself be interested in you like that. Right?” 

He laughs again, but it doesn’t sound nearly as sweet this time. “I’m rambling, huh?”

Yes, you are. You are. 

“I’ll cut to the ending then,” he replies like he’s read your mind. “I realized I did in fact ‘like you like that’, at our graduation.”

And your eyes pop open. It’s completely involuntary, and if you’d been facing him you would have been screwed. But you’re still looking deep into the cushions of the black couch; wide eyes staring into a deep, dark, nothing.

“I hid behind that brotherly excuse for three years. My eyes followed you in the hallway because I wanted to make sure you were okay like Mark would’ve wanted me to. I offered to drive you home from school when he was busy because that’s what Mark would’ve asked me to do anyway. Everything I wanted to do I told myself I was doing because I was just a good friend. You know?” A beat passes before he hums to himself. “But I guess you don’t, actually. Because you liked me authentically, like you do with everything. The night of our graduation, the backyard barbecue your parents threw for us. You remember that, right?”

Duh. You’d bawled your eyes out on the front porch halfway through because only then did it fully sink in that they’d all be leaving you behind, these losers you swore you didn’t even like, before wiping your face and moodily rejoining the celebration.

“Jaemin and Donghyuck were having fun like it was their last day on earth. Even Mark didn’t seem too worried about the fact that we’d be leaving our whole lives behind in a few weeks when we drove off to SNU. I asked him if he was going to miss anything and he listed a dozen things, the friends of ours that were going to different colleges, his parents cooking, his backyard, his bedroom, his electric keyboard. And I remember feeling frozen when he didn’t mention you. In hindsight I know that it was probably because he’d still be coming back home every break, and you had a whole year of high school to finish so it wasn’t like you were going anywhere, but at the moment I felt like someone just yanked the blanket off of me. Three years of pretending and it only took one conversation for it to smash through all of that and hit me like a truck. If Mark isn’t worried about it, why the hell has the idea of leaving you here been haunting me for the last week and a half?”

Oh.

“It was then, I think. That I went, ‘Ah. So this hasn’t all been because of Mark, then,’ and everything I’d ever done under the guise of brotherly obligation popped into context all at once. And as if it wasn’t enough being in my own head, I was still in the middle of talking to Mark as I realized that not only did I like you more than I’d ever liked anyone— I was looking directly at the person who would surely strangle me to death if he ever found out that I liked you more than I’d ever liked anyone. So I pretended it never happened. I said ‘yeah, me too,’ the party ended, I went home, the summer went on, and before I knew it I was on campus and had a million other things to worry about. I saw how well you seemed to be doing when Mark would show me your Instagram posts, how much fun you were having, and I let that make me feel better about being such a coward. Over time, without you around, I convinced myself that things were better like this. That it never would have worked out anyway.”

There’s a moment of silence so utterly long that for a moment you genuinely think that this is going to be it. That he’s going to have said all of that and just… sighed, gotten up, and gone to sleep, leaving you alone to be in misery over what you’ve just heard until morning.

But that’s not it. He’s got a few more words for you. The worst of them all. A string of syllables at first, ones that instantly shatter every bit of emotional resistance you’ve built for yourself these last few days— and then a sentence that has your blood turning to ice in your veins when you realize what it means.

“But then you came back to Seoul,” Jeno started simply, “And a lot of things I thought I knew for sure don’t feel quite as concrete anymore.”

You inhaled. 

You exhaled. 

And tried to understand what the fuck that last part was supposed to mean.

But then before you could he continued on, his voice soft, casual, innocent. Too innocent. “Like how I used to be sure that you snored when you were sleeping,” he murmured. “Has it been so long that I've forgotten? Or are you not actually asleep, Rockstar?”

[♥︎]: and there it is, folks! please leave a like if you enjoyed! it REALLY gives me the motivation to work on this faster!

[johnnysuhbmarine]

Just Add Alcohol...you know, the Antiseptic Kind

Pairing: Jeno x reader Description: After getting into another fist fight, best friend!Jeno ends up back at your place for help, but you’re about at your limit of how much you can stand to see him like this before saying something about it. The only problem is, you still haven’t found a way to address it without bringing up your feelings.  Word count: 1,508 A/n: first fic :') wrote this sometime last year and I think it's the best out of my completed one shots, so now I'm sharing it with the world (that's you). shout out to @fullsunstrawberry for convincing me I wouldn’t die if I actually posted my writing <3333 please enjoy, or don’t…I can’t tell you what to do, but feedback would be GREATLY appreciated :) 

You squeeze the excess water out of the rag before stomping back over to where Jeno laid on the couch. Your heavy, rhythmic breath is the only sound to fill the tense silence between the two of you as you press the towel up towards his eyebrow, covering a freshly split-open patch of skin. The action provokes the usual wince in pain from Jeno, but you don’t say ‘sorry’ this time, instead just clenching your jaw.

It was routine at this point. Jeno would knock on your door barely able to hold himself up, you would help him to the couch, or on days where he was particularly bloody, you’d have him sit on your bathroom counter and just pray he even had the strength to make it all the way there. Then, you’d get to work on cleaning him up, because you always clean him up, from his fights on the playground in primary school to now, when some kind of fate lets the two of you reconnect after you moved away before high school only to end up at the same college. It was two years ago when you immediately recognized the crescent-eyed smile of the boy sitting at a table you passed on your walk to class. You froze in the middle of the science building, sure you were crazy, but it only took a second before he came up and grabbed your wrist to spin you around. “I knew that was you.” He stated in relief as he pulled you into a hug that you fell right into, just as you always had. Your best friend status seemed to stick through all those years apart, as had his fighting tendencies. Though now, instead of pressing band-aids over boo-boos, you were disinfecting deep, bloody cuts, and wrapping gauze around his rough hands, misshapen by the amount of fingers he had broken that he never gave time to properly heal. 

You never reprimanded him. You didn’t need to. He knew that seeing him in this state was hurting you. Though you never said so, it was always evident by the look on your face that you couldn’t be bothered to cover up. What he didn’t know was that you were only on the med-school track because, since kindergarten, you had wanted to be a doctor so you knew how to take better care of him when he got himself injured. 

“You’re mad at me.” His gentle voice, the one he spoke with only when he was talking to you, cuts through the silence and brings you back to the present. You take a second to think about how to respond as you move onto his next wound.

“Why do you get into fights?” You ask, no real emotion behind your words outside of genuine curiosity. Jeno shakes his head, wincing as he quickly realizes that the motion was too rough for him right now.

“No reason.” He replies calmly, and you look up to meet his eyes as you press your towel against the cut by his lips.

“No reason? You do all this for no reason?” You spit back, unable to keep your even tone anymore. Jeno rolls his head to the side, dodging eye contact with you as he replies.

“I knew you were mad.” He says, almost absentmindedly.

You take a sharp inhale of breath, annoyed beyond measure, finally breaking.

“Of course I’m mad! I can’t leave you alone for one second without you hurting yourself!” This time, when Jeno winces, it’s not because of the antiseptic or pressure, it’s your tone, one he was so unfamiliar with when it came to you. All he thinks to do is roll his eyes in response.

“I mean, I always end up fine so it’s okay-”

“No!” You yell, cutting him off as you throw the cloth haphazardly at his figure, getting him to move his gaze back over to you in confusion as he picks up the towel and presses it against his wounds in your place. You just look at him, eyes scanning his entire bloodied up figure on the couch, tears threatening to spill for the first time ever in front of him. “No, it’s not okay. Not when I go crazy with worry wondering when the next time will be that you end up on this couch for me to fix. Do you get it? Do you get how scary it is for me to see my best friend beat up like this?!”

“I mean, the other guy always looks worse…” He states, the tiniest laugh accompanying his words, enraging you even more.

“You’re unbelievable!”

He furrows his eyebrows as much as he can before it strains against his cuts. “Me? You’re the one all worried for no reason-”

“I love you! Is that reason enough?!” You yell, standing up and walking towards the kitchen in your best attempt to get away from him. 

“Oh, God.” He says softly from the couch, and that’s all it takes for tears to start their race down your cheeks.

“‘Oh, God.’” You mock, shaking your head in defeat. “Great. Great. You can keep that towel, but please get off my couch and go somewhere else. Preferably, to a doctor. The rib that I keep telling you I’m worried about every time I see you, it feels broken now.” 

There’s a beat of suffocating silence before he speaks up again. “Y/n…” He says, just as gently as before, though you take none of it.

“Just go!” You shout across to the living room. You hear him let out a heavy exhale before responding.

“First, it’s hard to move because I apparently broke a rib, so if you want me to go, you’re going to have to help me up and out of the door. Second, the reason I got into the first fight on the playground in kindergarten was because that kid, Seongho, made fun of your hair bow.” You render still, staring down at your hands splayed out on the kitchen counter. You don’t know if you can form any response, you’re hardly sure if you’re breathing. Thankfully, Jeno fills the silence himself. “I said ‘oh, God’ because I realized I should’ve just told you that when you first asked. That I get into fights because some part of me has always needed to protect you. That the fights I seek out are against people who eye you like creeps. Yeah, I get into other stupid fights because people wanna punch me so goddamn bad for some reason and I don’t know how to back down, but the ones I start are just so I can keep you safe and gentle in this stupid, hurtful world.” 

Time seemed to stand still. You couldn’t wrap your head around his words. They seemed too unreal coming out of his mouth, but he spoke so surely. In the consequential stark silence, you hear him groan in pain, finally getting you to move as you rush over to him on the couch, extremely scared he was actually trying to get up and leave now, which he really was in no position to do by himself. However, when you get over to him, he hasn’t moved an inch. Instead, a soft smile covers his face as confusion crosses yours.

“I just did that to get you to come over to where I can see you again.” He admits, and you deadpan before you can finally find humor, shaking your head with a small laugh as tears continue to run down your face. Then, he finally does move, reaching a hand up to caress your cheek as his other still holds the damp cloth to his cuts. “I love you, y/n.” He says gently, making sure you were holding eye contact with him as he did so. You use a hand to wipe the remaining tears off your face before leaning in to kiss him softly. 

When you pull away, Jeno moves his head up to chase your lips as much as he can without hurting himself, pouting when you take a step back and shake your head. “You can kiss me all you want later. I have to get you to an actual doctor before your fractured rib punctures your lung and you die.” You state plainly, reaching an arm under him to help him off the couch as the two of you hobble towards the door. 

“I got so lucky…you’re incredibly romantic.” He replies sarcastically, and you just turn your head to look up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know why you’re teasing me. I don’t want you to die. That’s very romantic.” You respond with a smile, opening your door to get out into the dorm hallway. Jeno smiles lightly, kissing the top of your head as the two of you wait on an elevator. Then, all you can do is hold his hand as the doctor calls Jeno stupid for getting into fights (you slipped him a $5 for that one). 

[writtenbymkl]

the love that had never been

pairing: best friend!jeno x fem! reader

word count: 5.1k

genres: angst, unrequited love, heartbreak

warnings: none

a/n: can you guys tell i love angst? like angst makes me so happy omg >.< hope you guys enjoy this small drabble :D

You're standing in the park, watching the leaves change color and fall to the ground. You feel a tap on your shoulder and turn around to see Jeno, your longtime friend, and crush, standing behind you.

"Hey, Y/N," he says, smiling at you with his famous eye smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Just taking a walk," you reply, trying to hide the flutter in your heart at the sight of him.

"Mind if I join you?" Jeno asks, nodding towards the path.

"Of course not," you say, trying to hide your excitement.

As you walk together, you chat about everything and nothing, enjoying each other's company. You feel your heart racing every time Jeno laughs at one of your jokes or brushes your arm accidentally.

As the sun begins to set and the sky turns pink and orange, Jeno turns to you and says, "You know, Y/N, I've been seeing someone lately."

Your heart sinks as you hear those words. You try to hide your disappointment, but you can feel the sadness and jealousy building up inside you.

"That's great, Jeno," you say, trying to sound happy for him.

"Yeah, she's really amazing," Jeno says, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "We have so much in common, and she's just so beautiful."

You try to keep a smile on your face, but inside you feel heartbroken. The idea of Jeno being with someone else, someone who's not you, feels like a stab in the chest.

As the two of you continue to walk, you feel a sense of distance between you. You try to hide your feelings, but it's hard to ignore the hurt you feel.

You know that this is the end of any chance of a romantic relationship between you and Jeno. But you also know that you'll never forget the way you feel about him, no matter how hard you try.

Nodding your head, you try to hold back your tears as you force yourself to ask more about Jeno's crush. "So, tell me more about her. What's she like?" you ask, hoping to distract yourself from your own feelings.

Jeno's face lights up as he begins to describe her in detail. "Well, her name is Sooyoung, and she's amazing. She's smart, funny, and kind. Plus, she's really, really beautiful,” Jeno gushes.

You listen to Jeno's words, feeling like each one is a dagger to your heart. It hurts to hear him talk so passionately about someone else, especially when you've been harboring feelings for him for so long.

You try to focus on the positive and tell yourself that at least Jeno is happy. But it's hard to push down the pain and the realization that the two of you will never be anything more than friends.

As the night falls and the stars come out, you and Jeno continue to walk in silence. You both know that the dynamic between you has shifted, and there's a sense of awkwardness that wasn't there before.

Finally, you stop and turn to face Jeno. "I'm happy for you, Jeno," you say, trying to sound genuine. "I hope things work out with Sooyoung."

"Thanks, Y/N," Jeno says, giving you a small smile. "I'm really lucky to have you as a friend. You're the best."

You force a smile and nod, knowing that the words "just friends" will always sting a little bit. But you also know that you'll always cherish your friendship with Jeno.

As you stand there, looking at Jeno, you feel a pang of regret in your chest. You had always harbored feelings for him, but you never had the courage to confess. And now, he had found someone else.

"Is everything okay, Y/N?" Jeno asks, noticing the change in your expression.

You take a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just happy for you, that's all."

Jeno looks at you intently, as if trying to read your thoughts. "You know, Y/N, you can always talk to me. You're my best friend, and I want to be there for you."

You feel a lump in your throat, and for a moment, you consider telling him the truth. But then you remember how much you value his friendship, and you don't want to risk losing that.

"No, it's okay," you say, forcing a smile. 

"I'm just being silly. Let's go home."

Jeno nods, and the two of you continue walking in silence. As you walk, you can't help but wonder what could have been if you had been brave enough to confess your feelings. But then you shake your head, knowing that it's too late now.

When you finally reach your doorstep, Jeno gives you a hug. "Thanks for walking with me tonight, Y/N. You're the best."

You smile, feeling the warmth of his embrace. "Anytime, Jeno. Goodnight."

As you watch him walk away, you feel a sense of sadness wash over you. But you also know that you'll always cherish your friendship with Jeno, and you'll always be there for him, no matter what.

Just as Jeno is about to turn around and leave, he pauses and turns back to you.

"Hey Y/N, I just want to let you know that even though I'm with Sooyoung now, you'll always be my best friend," Jeno says, giving you a reassuring smile. "I know things are different now, but that doesn't mean our friendship will change. You'll always be important to me, and I hope you know that."

Tears start to well up in your eyes as you feel a sense of relief wash over you. "Thank you, Jeno. That means a lot to me," you say, feeling grateful for his words.

"I mean it," Jeno says, his smile widening. "I know we've been through a lot together, and I value our friendship more than anything. So don't worry about being replaced, because you won't be. You'll always have a special place in my heart."

You smile, feeling a sense of comfort and security in his words. "Thank you, Jeno. I'm really glad we're friends."

"Me too, Y/N," Jeno says, giving you another hug. "Now go get some rest, okay? We'll hang out again soon."

After Jeno leaves, you stand there for a moment, taking in his words. You feel a sense of relief knowing that he still values your friendship, but at the same time, you can't help but feel a sense of sadness.

You slowly make your way to your room, closing the door behind you. You sit on your bed and let out a deep sigh, feeling the weight of your emotions start to catch up to you.

Memories of your time with Jeno flood your mind - the laughter, the inside jokes, the shared moments of vulnerability. You remember all the times you wished for something more, but never had the courage to speak up.

Tears start to flow down your cheeks as you realize that things will never be the same again. You can't deny the fact that you still have feelings for Jeno, but at the same time, you know that you'll have to accept that he didn’t choose you.

You pull out your phone and scroll through your photos, looking at all the pictures of you and Jeno together. You come across a photo of the two of you sitting on a park bench, laughing at something silly. You can't help but smile at the memory, but at the same time, it breaks your heart.

As you sit there, lost in your thoughts and emotions, you realize that you need to take some time for yourself. You wipe away your tears and take a deep breath, reminding yourself that your friendship with Jeno is still important, even if it's not what you hoped for.

With that thought in mind, you slowly start to drift off to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will bring a renewed sense of hope and perspective.

——————

You try your best to put your emotions aside and focus on the present. You spend time with your other friends, trying to enjoy their company, and forget about Jeno for a little while.

But as you're walking through the park, you see something that makes your heart sink. You spot Jeno and Sooyoung walking hand in hand, their heads close together in conversation.

You try to look away, but your eyes keep darting back to them. You watch as they sit down on a bench, Sooyoung giggling at something Jeno says.

A pang of jealousy and sadness hits you hard, and you can't help but wonder what it would be like if it were you sitting there with Jeno instead.

You turn away and try to compose yourself, taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that you need to move on. But deep down, you know that it won't be easy.

As the day goes on, you try your best to distract yourself, but your mind keeps wandering back to Jeno and Sooyoung. You can't help but feel a sense of bitterness towards Sooyoung, even though you know it's not fair.

As the night falls, you find yourself once again lost in your thoughts. You wonder if Jeno and Sooyoung are still together, if they're happy, if Jeno still thinks of you as just a friend.

You pull out your phone and start scrolling through your messages, hoping to find some comfort in the conversations you've had with Jeno. But as you go through your messages, you realize that you haven't talked to him in a while.

You hesitate for a moment, wondering if you should reach out to him. But ultimately, you decide against it, knowing that it's not your place to interfere with his new relationship.

You let out a deep sigh and put your phone down, feeling a sense of sadness wash over you. You know that you need to accept the fact that things have changed between you and Jeno, but it's easier said than done.

——————

The next day, you decide to meet up with your friend Chenle for coffee. As you sit down with him at a cozy cafe, you can't help but feel a sense of comfort being around him.

"So, how are you doing?" Chenle asks, sensing that something is bothering you.

You hesitate for a moment before deciding to open up to him. "I saw Jeno and Sooyoung on a date yesterday," you admit, feeling a lump form in your throat.

Chenle's expression softens as he listens to you. "I'm sorry, Y/N. That must have been tough to see."

You nod, feeling grateful for his understanding. "I just...I don't know how to deal with these feelings," you say, feeling the weight of your emotions start to catch up to you.

Chenle places a comforting hand on your arm. "It's okay to feel what you're feeling. It's natural to be sad and jealous. But remember, Jeno still cares about you, even if it's not in the way you want him to."

You nod, taking in his words. "I know. It's just hard to see him with someone else."

Chenle gives you a sympathetic smile. "I understand. But try to focus on the good memories you've shared with him. Remember that he still values your friendship, and that's something special."

You take a deep breath and try to compose yourself. "Thanks, Chenle. You always know how to make me feel better."

As you leave the cafe and start walking back home, you feel a renewed sense of strength and perspective. You know that it won't be easy seeing Jeno and Sooyoung again, but you're determined to face it with grace and maturity.

And as luck would have it, you don't have to wait long. Just as you're turning the corner to your apartment, you spot Jeno and Sooyoung walking towards you, hand in hand.

Your heart sinks as you see Jeno and Sooyoung walking towards you. You try your best to remain calm and composed, not wanting to show any signs of weakness or jealousy.

"Hey, Y/N!" Jeno calls out, his face lighting up as he sees you.

"Hey, Jeno," you say, forcing a smile.

"Sooyoung, this is my friend Y/N," Jeno introduces you to her.

You force yourself to make eye contact with Sooyoung and give her a polite nod. "Nice to meet you," you say, trying to sound genuine.

Sooyoung gives you a small smile in return. "Likewise."

The three of you make small talk for a few minutes before Jeno and Sooyoung bid you farewell, continuing on their way. As you watch them walk away, hand in hand, you can't help but feel a twinge of sadness and jealousy.

But you also know that you need to move on and focus on your own life. You take a deep breath and remind yourself that your friendship with Jeno is still valuable, even if it's not the romantic relationship you may have hoped for.

As you walk back to your apartment, you take a moment to reflect on the conversation you had with Chenle. You realize that he was right - it's important to focus on the good memories you've shared with Jeno, and to cherish the friendship that you still have with him.

You decide to take his advice and make plans to hang out with Jeno as friends. As you text him to make plans, you can't help but feel a sense of nervousness and uncertainty. But at the same time, you know that it's important to face your fears and move forward.

As you're texting Jeno to make plans, he replies back with an apologetic tone.

"Hey, Y/N, I'm sorry but I won't be able to hang out this weekend. I have plans with Sooyoung," he texts.

You feel a pang of disappointment, but you try your best to hide it. "Oh, it's okay. Have fun with her!" you text back, trying to sound enthusiastic.

"Thanks, Y/N! Maybe we can hang out next weekend?" Jeno offers.

On one hand, you're happy that Jeno still wants to hang out with you as friends. On the other hand, it's hard to shake off the feeling of rejection and jealousy.

——————

As the next few days go by, you notice that Jeno has been busy with Sooyoung. 

He forgets to reply to your messages and it's been a while since you last hung out. You try not to take it personally, but it's hard not to feel a sense of disappointment.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. You and Jeno continue to drift apart, and you realize that your friendship isn't what it used to be. You see pictures of Jeno and Sooyoung on social media, and it's clear that they're happy together.

You try to be happy for them, but a part of you can't help but feel envious. You wonder what it would have been like if things had turned out differently, and if Jeno had chosen you instead of Sooyoung.

But deep down, you know that dwelling on the past won't do any good. You realize that it's time to let go and move on, even if it means accepting that your friendship with Jeno may never be the same.

One day, you run into Jeno unexpectedly at a coffee shop. You haven't seen him in a while, and it takes you by surprise.

"Hey, Jeno! Long time no see," you greet him, trying to sound friendly.

"Hey, Y/N," Jeno replies, looking a bit uncomfortable. "How have you been?"

"I've been good," you reply, smiling. "What about you? How's everything with Sooyoung?"

"It's been great, thanks for asking," Jeno says, but you can't help but notice that his tone sounds a bit distant.

You decide to confront him about it. "Hey, is everything okay?" you ask, sensing that something is off.

Jeno hesitates for a moment before finally speaking. "Look, Y/N, I'm sorry. I know I've been distant lately, but things with Sooyoung are really great and I just haven't had much time for anything else."

You feel a surge of anger and disappointment. "So that's it? You're just going to ignore our friendship because you have a girlfriend?" you snap, unable to hold back your frustration any longer.

Jeno looks taken aback by your sudden outburst. "No, it's not like that, Y/N. I just..."

"Just what, Jeno?" you interrupt, feeling hurt. "I thought we were friends, but it seems like you only care about your new relationship."

Jeno's expression softens as he takes a step closer to you. "Y/N, please don't say that. You know you mean a lot to me, and I would never intentionally hurt you."

You look away, feeling a mix of emotions. On one hand, you understand that Jeno has the right to pursue his own happiness. But on the other hand, you can't help feeling neglected and forgotten.

"I know you're happy with Sooyoung," you say finally, "but that doesn't mean you should forget about your other friends."

Jeno fidgets with his hands, not meeting your gaze. "I know I messed up, Y/N. I should have kept in touch with you. But things got really busy with work and my relationship with Sooyoung, and I just didn't have much time for anything else."

You cross your arms, feeling your anger flare up. "That's not an excuse, Jeno. You could have at least answered my texts or called me back."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Jeno says, finally looking up at you. "I didn't mean to ignore you, but I guess I just got caught up in everything else."

You take a deep breath, trying to keep your emotions in check. "I understand that you have a lot going on, but that doesn't mean you can just forget about your friends. You hurt me, Jeno. You ignored me for months and never bothered to check in."

"I know, and I feel terrible about it," Jeno says, looking genuinely contrite. "I promise I'll make it up to you. We can hang out more, catch up on everything that's been happening."

You shake your head, feeling skeptical. "It's not that simple, Jeno. You can't just brush off months of ignoring me and expect everything to go back to normal. I need to know that I matter to you."

Jeno nods, looking serious. "You do matter to me, Y/N. I'm sorry for what I did, and I'll do my best to make it right. Just tell me what you need from me."

You take a deep breath, feeling a sense of resolution. "I need you to be there for me, Jeno. To be a good friend and not disappear every time something else comes up."

“I can do that again, I swear.” He pleads.

As Jeno talks, you find yourself torn. On one hand, you're glad he's finally acknowledging his mistake and trying to make things right. But on the other hand, you're not sure if you're ready to forgive him just yet. You can't help but remember how hurt and neglected you felt when he ignored you for months, and how it made you question your friendship.

You listen to Jeno's words carefully, but your mind is still clouded with doubt. You're not even sure if you still like him the way you used to. Maybe things have changed too much between you, and it's too late to go back to the way things were.

"I appreciate you apologizing, Jeno," you say finally, "but I need some time to think about all of this. I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive you just yet."

Jeno's expression changes as he hears your words. He had expected you to forgive him right away, and now he was beginning to feel frustrated.

"How much time do you need, Y/N?" he asks, his voice tinged with annoyance. "I apologized, what more do you want from me?"

You look at him, surprised by his sudden change in tone. "I just need some time to think, Jeno," you say calmly. "I can't just forgive you right away after everything that happened. I need to be sure that things won't go back to the way they were."

Jeno sighs, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. "I just don't understand why you're still so angry with me. I've apologized, I've tried to make things right. What more do you want?"

You feel a surge of anger as Jeno expresses his frustration. You can't believe he has the audacity to be upset with you when he's the one who hurt you.

"I can't believe you're getting upset with me," you say, your voice rising. "You're the one who ignored me for months and forgot to ever answer my texts! You have no right to be upset with me."

Jeno takes a deep breath and speaks up again. "Y/N, I understand that I hurt you and I'm sorry for that. But it's not like you were completely innocent in all of this either. You could have tried harder to reach out to me too, you know."

You feel your anger flare up again at Jeno's accusation. "What are you talking about, Jeno? I texted you so many times and you never replied. I tried to hang out with you, but you always had some excuse. How is that not trying hard enough?"

Jeno looks at you, his eyes flashing with frustration. "I'm not saying you didn't try at all, but you could have tried harder. You could have called me or come over to my place. You could have made more of an effort to stay in touch with me."

You shake your head, feeling defensive. "I did try, Jeno. I tried so hard to reach out to you, but you never responded. It's not fair for you to put all the blame on me."

An impulsive feeling rises within you when you suddenly blurt out, "I can't believe I like someone like you!"

Jeno looks taken aback, clearly surprised by your confession. "What do you mean, Y/N?"

You realize what you've said and feel embarrassed. But you know there’s no escape from this and that you have to confront your feelings. "I-I mean, it's just that... I used to have feelings for you, but I've moved on since then." You know you’re lying and that Jeno also knows because you’re not a very good liar.

Jeno is taken aback by your confession. "I had no idea, Y/N. I'm sorry if I ever gave you the wrong impression," he says, looking genuinely surprised. "I just didn't realize that you felt that way."

You shake your head, feeling embarrassed. "It doesn't matter now. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."

Jeno looks at you with concern. "No, don't be sorry. It's just...I don't know what to say. I care about you, Y/N, but I'm with Sooyoung now. I don't want to hurt you even more."

Jeno takes a deep breath, trying to process everything. "Look, Y/N, I think maybe you're just confused about your feelings," he says gently. "We've been friends for a long time, and sometimes those feelings can get mixed up with something else. I don't want to discount what you're feeling, but I think it's important for us to be honest with each other."

You shake your head, feeling tears forming in your eyes. "I don't know, Jeno. I'm just so confused. I thought I was over you, but seeing you again has brought back all these old feelings. And now, with everything that's happened between us, I don't even know if I want to be friends anymore."

Jeno looks taken aback by your words, unsure of what to say. "Y/N, I...I don't know what to say," he stammers, his expression conflicted. "I care about you a lot, but I'm with Sooyoung now and I don't want to hurt her or ruin what we have."

"I understand that, Jeno," you reply, feeling a lump forming in your throat. "But if you can't accept that I like you and still want to be friends, then maybe we can't talk anymore. I can't keep pretending that I don't have these feelings."

Jeno looks torn, his eyes flickering with emotion. "I don't want to lose our friendship, Y/N," he says finally. "But I also can't deny my feelings for Sooyoung. Can't we find a way to make this work?"

You shake your head, feeling the tears starting to fall again. "I don't know, Jeno. Maybe we can't. Maybe it's just too complicated."

Jeno's face falls at your words, and you can see the hurt in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you, Y/N," he whispers, reaching out to touch your hand. "But I don't know if I can be what you want me to be."

You pull your hand away, feeling a surge of pain. "I don't want you to be anything other than yourself, Jeno," you say, your voice shaking. "I just...I need to figure out what I want and what's best for me."

Jeno nods slowly, his gaze downcast. "I understand. But please, Y/N, don't shut me out completely. I still want to be there for you, even if things are different between us now."

But a sudden realization hits you and it’s that you don’t want things to be different anymore. You want freedom from this unrequited love and if it means letting Jeno go, then so be it. 

Tears start to stream down your face. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” Jeno hurriedly asks. “You can’t be friends with me anymore? Is that it?” You can only nod and look away.

Jeno looks at you, his eyes wide with shock and hurt. "Y/N, please don't do this," he pleads. "I know I messed up, but I still want to be your friend. I don't want to lose you."

You shake your head, tears streaming down your face. "I'm sorry, Jeno. I can't do this anymore. I can't handle the heartbreak. I need to let you go."

Jeno's expression falls, his eyes filling with tears. "Is this really what you want, Y/N? To just throw away our friendship like this?"

"It's not what I want," you choke out, "but it's what I need to do for my own well-being. I can't keep holding onto something that hurts me so much."

Jeno looks at you with pleading eyes, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "But I don't want to lose you, Y/N. You're my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without you."

"I understand that, Jeno," you reply softly, "but I need to put myself first. Our friendship has been toxic for a while now, and I can't keep ignoring the way it's been making me feel."

Jeno takes a step closer to you, his voice desperate. "Please, Y/N. We can work through this. We can fix things. Just give me a chance."

You take a deep breath, tears streaming down your face. "I wish it was that simple, Jeno. But I've tried to fix things before, and it always ends up the same way. I can't keep putting myself through this pain."

Jeno's expression falls even further, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't realize how much I was hurting you. Please forgive me."

You shake your head, the pain in your heart almost too much to bear. "It's not about forgiveness, Jeno. It's about doing what's best for me. And right now, that means walking away from our friendship."

Jeno's eyes widen in shock, his hand reaching out to grab yours. "No, Y/N. Please don't do that. I just said can't imagine my life without you in it. I can't forgive you if you walk away from me like this."

You feel a lump forming in your throat, the tears flowing freely now. "I'm sorry, Jeno. I can't keep living in this cycle of hurt and disappointment. I need to take care of myself first."

Jeno's shoulders slump, his eyes downcast. "I understand. But please know that I can't forgive myself either if you walk away from me like this."

You just cry harder, the weight of your decision heavy on your shoulders. "I'm sorry, Jeno. But I can't change my mind. I need to put myself first for once."

Jeno's face falls even more, his shoulders drooping in defeat. His eyes are filled with hurt and confusion, as if he can't comprehend why you're choosing to leave him behind.

You can see the pain etched on his face, and your heart breaks all over again. You've never wanted to hurt Jeno, but you know deep down that this is the right decision for you.

"I'm sorry, Jeno," you say again, your voice barely above a whisper. "I know this is hard, but please try to understand."

Jeno nods silently, his eyes still fixed on the ground. You can tell that he's struggling to keep his emotions in check, and it breaks your heart to see him like this.

You stand there in silence for what feels like an eternity, both of you lost in your own thoughts and feelings. The air between you is heavy and thick, charged with the weight of your unspoken emotions.

As you turn to leave, Jeno finally speaks up, his voice choked with emotion. "I don't know how to make this right, Y/N. I just want you to know that I care about you, and I'll always be here if you need me."

You nod, unable to find the words to respond. You know that Jeno is hurting just as much as you are, and it breaks your heart to see him so dejected and upset.

With one final glance back at Jeno, you turn and walk away, the tears still streaming down your face. It's not the ending you wanted, but it's the one that you know in your heart is necessary.

The memories of your time with Jeno flood your mind. You remember the laughter, the late-night talks, and the moments when you felt like nothing could ever come between you two.

You had learned that sometimes love isn't enough, and that timing is everything. You had learned that it's important to take risks, even if they scare you. And most of all, you had learned that sometimes, the people we love aren't meant to be in our lives forever.

It was a painful lesson, but it was one that you would carry with you for the rest of your life. And even though Jeno was no longer a part of your life, you knew that he would always hold a special place in your heart.

As you got into your car, you wiped away your tears and took a deep breath. Life would go on, and you would go on with it. But no matter where you went, or what you did, you would always remember the boy who had once been your best friend, and the love that had never been.

[mrkerina]

Sweet narcissism 𓍼 Na Jaemin

— (idol au) in which he makes another photo exhibition but this time, it’s dedicated to you.

Pairing — Na Jaemin (nct) x fem!reader

Word count — 2316

Content — you were never one to take photos of yourself so Jaemin did it all for you. He loves it, candid or not, he thought that you looked ethereal and wanted to show it off to the whole world.

M.list + Author’s note — yums this random idea popped into my head right when I was struggling to think of a plot! Though, I'm not sure if the execution is satisfactory, but anyways happy reading!

Liked by the_and.y, onyourm_ark and others

na.jaemin0813 Exhibition 2: sweet narcissism out on 12/10 — “Pictures from me, of you.”

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jaenthusiast no bc wtf is this HARD ass launch? I’ve never seen anything like it

dongyuckss @jaenthusiast no fr like he came out of nowhere and decided to tell the world about his girl 😭 such a jaemin thing to do though

lomljaem what about me?? I’m unstanning 💀

jaenthusiast @lomljaem fam as if you had a chance in the first place, good riddance.

sungcultt I just know he treats her so right I can’t wait to see his descriptions to her pictures omg

Throughout the course of your friendship and later, relationship, Jaemin had always been the one who was there by your side. Whether it is snapping pictures of you, or simply basking in your presence, he was simply, undoubtedly, all-consumingly, in love with you.

From the slight crinkling of your eyes when you smile to the way your eyes seemed to sparkle in the light when you got excited, it was all the little things that made Jaemin fall for you, and hard. His hands always itches when he is with you, the urge to simply capture your beauty and turn the memory of you into something tangible — a photograph.

And that was the whole reason why it had even started, from the beginning when you told him that you didn’t really like to be in the camera in all the glitz and glamour. It seemed ironic that you ended up dating him, an idol, whose job is to be in front of a camera day in and day out.

However, in all of fate’s unpredictable and sly ways, you two eventually did fall for each other. With Jaemin capturing every essence of your dynamic, from when you first met to where you two were now.

Despite your incessant whining and excessive shyness whenever he held out a camera and signaled for you to pose, you still continued complying to his demands. A timid, small smile with your middle and index finger raised. It was basic, but you didn’t know anything else. Yet, no matter what, Jaemin still admires the picture with a lovesick grin after, claiming that you looked so “out of this world” to him.

Unknowingly, it progressed into an obsessive habit for him, or hobby. Wherever the two of you went, he’d always have something in hand to take pictures of you, albeit his phone or a full-blown professional camera. It gradually became his thing, snapping a picture whenever his hands were itching for it, candid or not, it was always perfect in his eyes, simply because it was you.

In all honesty, every single photo was equally treasured by the boy. The more he took, the greedier he got. It felt like such a pressing need to snap shots of you, it was one of the ways he showed his affection. And amidst all that, he grew the desire to show it all off to the world — the girl who belonged to him. After tireless fights and arguments with his company, they finally gave in.

That’s how the second part of his photo exhibition came about, “sweet narcissism” as he would call it.

“Seriously Jaem, you didn’t have to do so much for me just for my birthday, it’s literally still a whole month away,” you spoke as you let him lead the way with a blindfold shielding your vision. “Where are we even going anyways?”

A chuckle slipped past his lips, hushing you whilst his hand gently rested on the curve of your back, guiding you to enter the exhibit. The cool breeze of the air conditioner was the first thing you felt when you stepped in, followed by the muffled footsteps of Jaemin scrambling around. 

“You aren’t selling me to someone are you?” You joked as you stood there, self-conscious until a crisp, mechanical “click” sounded. The sound you were all too familiar with. “Are you seriously taking a picture of me right now? With a blindfold? That’s kinda kinky,” you exasperated. 

“You just look too cute you know,” he answered, a lightness to his tone. “Are you ready? You are going to be shocked, surprised, mind-blown, lost for words and-” he got cut off by your low grumble, hurrying him to just go along with it. “You’re no fun,” he sulked as he undid the knot of the blindfold.

You blinked your eyes, adjusting to the glaring lights that seemed to become brighter from being reflected by the pale white walls. Running a hand through your hair to tidy it up, you squint your eyes as you tried to figure out what was going on. He grasped your wrist, extending your palm out before placing an audio device in your hand with a set of earpieces attached to it. 

The moment it hit you, your shock was palpable, eyes trailing over the entire space in pure wonder. Your hand squeezing the device, a quiet excitement consumed you as you walked closer to look at the pictures hung on the walls and frames sprawled out neatly on the table. “I didn’t know you took this many pictures of me,” you mused, hand grazing the corner of the frame delicately. 

“Here you should listen to the audio while you look,” he stepped forward, untangling the earpiece. His finger gently tucking your hair behind your ear before placing the earpiece into your ear. A small dash of pink tinted your ears, lips curving up in appreciation.

Jaemin had a soft smile plastered on his face as he quietly watched you by the side, following you in anticipation of your reaction. “I like taking pictures of you, you’re really pretty,” he murmured before pointing towards one of the pictures as if to prove his point. “Look, you’re so carefree and smiley that it makes you look alluring,” he referred to one of the many candid shots.

“You’re exaggerating,” you dismissed as you continued to admire his work while listening to his deep, smooth voice that seemed to engulf all your senses – seeing and hearing everything from his perspective. He definitely had a knack at it, each picture felt like it had a purpose, filled with an overwhelming affection he had for you. Each picture held a story, the short descriptions earnestly spoken through the device, all carefully thought out by the boy. 

“Ohh that one is one of my favourites,” your boyfriend grinned, gesturing to the next picture as you continued on. This one felt more intimate, your hair slightly messy, your tongue stuck out slightly and your brows furrowed in concentration while your hands gripped the pan. One of the rare occasions that you cooked a meal for him. Your eyes trailed over to the details, your heart warming as you listened to the audio that came along with it, a tender smile growing on your face.

Number 12. I remember watching you take care of me after a hard day at work and thinking “wow I’m so lucky to have her as a friend.” And now here you are, as someone more than that.

In another one, you appeared to be looking down at your feet dipped into the water at the beach, a contented look plastered on your face. Behind you, the sun had begun to set and it seemed like he took this secretly, a fair distance away from where you were standing, basking in the serene atmosphere.

Number 16. On one of my rare days off, I took you to the beach, and the way your face lit up with excitement was everything. That smile never faded, not for a second, and in that moment, I made a quiet promise to myself — to do whatever it takes to keep that beautiful smile shining, always.

“I spent a lot of time thinking about what I should say for the descriptions, I just wanted to capture the way I see you, from my point of view,” he explained, a thoughtful expression on his face. You turned around, walking closer to him before wrapping your arms around his waist. Jaemin felt like he couldn’t breathe from the way you looked at him, like he was holding up the moon and stars, your expression brimming with affection and warmth that made his heart full. 

“It’s perfect,” you muttered reassuringly, a shy, thankful smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “I love you, a lot. I don’t think anyone has done this much for me before, just for my birthday,” you spoke pensively. 

A hint of smugness washed over his face which made you roll your eyes, a light giggle escaping your lips. “I love you more,” he paused, grabbing your wrist and pulling you towards another room. “Anyways, there’s more. This one is a video, this one is just for you and not part of the exhibition which by the way I have to talk about it to you later,” he mumbled the last bit, “okay but first! Sit down and watch this amazing video I’ve put together.”

You sat down compliantly on one of the beanbags while Jaemin walked around to set it up. The longer you waited, the more impatient you got, anticipation bubbling in you for what was to come. The first thing shown on screen was Jaemin sitting in front of the camera with a wide beam plastered across his lips.

“Hello! Haha wait this is kinda awkward,” he scratched the back of his neck, “this video is just a collation of moments we’ve had together. I just wanted you to know that no matter how busy I get with my career, you’re always the one that I’m constantly thinking about. I guess this video is kind of for me to watch whenever I miss you while I’m on tour. Hehe anyways, I hope you enjoy and remember, I’ll always love you, my love.”

The first scene was one of the first few times you two met-up, right after Jaemin had gotten to know that you didn’t really take much pictures. He had grabbed his phone out just to tease you, recording a video with you whining throughout asking him to stop, though not quite convincingly enough. The video slowly progressed from when you two were friends till when you two started dating, every intimate moment captured and compiled into one. 

In another scene, your head was resting on his lap, his fingers that had previously been playing with your hair coming to a halt as he grasped the camera, angling it towards you. Your hair sprawled out across the span of his lap, eyes concentrating on the video you were watching on your phone. 

“No seriously, there was literally no reason for you to do that, why did you do that? Like um now the whole world is going to be fantasising over your abs, I mean at least I’m not alone at it but still imagine- hey are you recording me right now?” you paused your rant, glancing up at him only to see his camera being directly above your face. “Were you even listening?” you glared towards the lens. 

“Mhmm, all I hear is my baby being jealous,” he hummed, chuckling as he watched you sulk, stretching out a hand to cover the camera. “Hey, I was recording for future uses,” he frowned.

And the video ended with that. A sheen of moisture filled your eyes, blinking it back to not let a tear slip out. Jaemin came to your side, pulling you towards him, your head resting on his chest as he leaned back against the wall. He tenderly stroked your hair, fingers running through the strands. “So what do you think?” He queried, smiling down towards you which you reciprocated as you looked back up.

“I love it, the whole exhibition is perfect, impeccable, unmeasurable. It’s like the one you did for the dreamies,” you complimented. Realisation dawned as soon as you said that statement and saw the guilty look on his face. You raised an eyebrow at him, “wait…this is exactly like the one you did for the dreamies. You’re going to open it to the public aren’t you?”

It took a moment before he slowly nodded, a slight timidness washing over him. “I already did everything, it’s mostly for you, showing you off to the public is just a bonus. But that’s only if you are comfortable with it of course, I know you told me before when I casually bring it up as an idea that you wouldn’t mind but I’m asking for real this time,” he tilted his head as his eyes narrowed in on you, to show his seriousness this time. “If you aren’t comfortable with it, it’s really okay. I already showed it all to you and I think that’s enough for me.”

“I don’t mind, I trust you,” you replied simply, hand grasping his as you drew soothing circles on the back of his palm subconsciously. “Would your fans come and harass me though? That’s a really hard launch I can’t lie,” you chuckled. 

“I won’t let anyone touch you, and my company is making sure that nothing happens. Sorry, I’m just greedy to show you off to everyone. Also, did I mention that I’m planning to open it on your birthday, that’s why I’m showing it to you now so that I can get your consent, but seriously, if you don’t want to face all that you don’t have to-” he rambled, an overwhelming sense of pride and endearment made you lift your head up from his lap and give him a quick peck on his lips, cutting him off. “Oh,” his brain malfunctioned as he lost his train of thoughts, not expecting the kiss, though it lasted only for a fleeting moment.

“I told you, I trust you and I really don’t mind. I know it’s your hobby and I know you have an obsession with photos of me,” you reassured, a tinge of slyness to your voice. “I’m only comfortable when it’s you who is taking pictures of me so feel free to continue taking more alright, Jaem?”

He finally got pulled out of his stupor, a shit-eating grin taking over his lips once he processed the green light that you were handing over to him on a silver platter. “Of course. It is my pleasure to be your personal photographer, love.”

[dreamwithlost]

AMORZINHO?

❝Era um namoro escondido dos seus amigos, mas uma gafe em um jantar revela o segredo❞

Jaemin x Reader

Gênero: Fluffy, comédia romântica

W.C: 1.9K

ᏪNotas: Acho que essa foi a coisa mais sessão da tarde que já escrevi! Bem, espero que gostem meus amores, me diverti escrevendo esse pedido, boa leitura ♡

Ps: Pq a cada pedido da Mika que passa, eu não propositalmente acabo fazendo uma estética mais fofa que a outra? 😭 Eu amo, confesso

Na casa antiga onde passou a infância, a atmosfera era sempre repleta de fantasia. Sua mãe lia histórias antes de dormir, e seu pai recitava versos ao pôr do sol, como um ritual sagrado. Cresceu cercada de romances, impressos nas paredes e guardados nas estantes empoeiradas daquele casal muquirana de literatura. Mas o que você jamais imaginou era que a primeira vez em que viveria algo digno dessas histórias seria com alguém tão próximo, alguém de seu círculo íntimo de amigos.

Enquanto se preparava para sair, seu celular vibrou com uma sequência de mensagens de Jaemin.

[01/08, 19:06] Gatinho ♡: Amor, tem certeza de que não quer que eu vá te buscar?

[01/09, 19:06] Gatinho ♡: Podemos andar juntos até a esquina do restaurante e depois nos separamos.

[01/09, 19:07] Gatinho ♡: Nossa, se separar na esquina é meio suspeito, né?

[01/09, 19:07] Gatinho ♡: Então depois da esquina.

As mensagens dele sempre a faziam sorrir. Olhou para a tela e, segurando o riso, respondeu. Estavam sendo cuidadosos, pois ainda não tinham revelado seu relacionamento para o restante do grupo de amigos — aqueles que agora iam encontrar para um jantar, num domingo gélido. Não que eles fossem brigar ou se opor, mas havia algo estranho em simplesmente chegar e dizer: "Ei, estamos juntos agora!". A ideia de se tornarem o "casal chaveirinho" do grupo era o suficiente para hesitar. Afinal, quem gosta do casalzinho do grupo?

Logo você chegou à fachada do restaurante. As luzes quentes das lâmpadas iluminavam os rostos familiares de Johnny, Jeno, e Nara, que acenaram entusiasmados, mesmo à distância. Esse hábito de cumprimentar exageradamente sempre causava estranheza em quem passava no meio e se questionava se o aceno era para a pessoa ou não.

Abraçou os amigos, beliscando Johnny, que nunca perdia uma chance de provocá-la. E então tentou ao máximo conter o impulso de correr para os braços de Jaemin, que também se aproximava. Foi estranho cumprimentá-lo sem um beijo, especialmente ao ver as madeixas recém-pintadas de azul balançando ao vento, combinando perfeitamente com a estética do restaurante, quase como uma cena de filme.

— Meu Deus, você nem contou que ia pintar o cabelo! — Nara exclamou, admirando o novo visual do amigo. Você, instintivamente, puxou a manga do casaco um pouco mais para baixo, escondendo os pequenos respingos de tinta azul que ainda estavam ali, um segredo silencioso de que você era a responsável por aquela transformação.

— Queria fazer surpresa — Jaemin respondeu, girando para mostrar o cabelo. — Curtiram?

— Tá um gatinho! — Você e Jeno elogiaram ao mesmo tempo, trocando olhares cúmplices logo depois.

— Que isso, elogiando meu homem? — Jeno brincou, fingindo indignação.

— Calma, calma, tem Jaemin pros quatro — O próprio entrou na brincadeira, se colocando entre você e Jeno, passando os braços pelos ombros de ambos enquanto começavam a entrar no restaurante.

Vocês riram, fingindo brigar, e logo Johnny e Nara se juntaram à confusão. Quando estavam juntos, era como invocar um furacão que bagunçava tudo, envolto de piadas e flertes. Agora, com Jaemin, essa dinâmica ficava ainda mais engraçada, pois ninguém ali imaginava que os elogios trocados entre vocês dois eram mais do que brincadeira.

Ao serem recebidos por um garçom, tentaram manter a compostura por miseros cinco segundos, seguindo-o até uma mesa próxima à grande janela de vidro. Sentaram-se confortavelmente nos estofados cinzas; Johnny e Jaemin de um lado, você, Nara e Jeno do outro. O restaurante era aconchegante, com paredes de madeira antiga, plantas penduradas e o cheiro irresistível da comida local. O ambiente envolvido com copos tilintando em brindes e risadas se espalhando pelas mesas ao redor.

A conversa fluía facilmente enquanto esperavam pelos pedidos. Discutiram o cotidiano da vida adulta, repetiram mil vezes a promessa de se encontrarem mais, falaram sobre novos interesses amorosos, até que um assunto, para seu desconforto, ganhou destaque assim que as refeições chegaram.

— E você, hein, Jae? — Johnny perguntou, passando o braço pelos ombros do amigo. — Nunca mais fofocou sobre nenhum lance, e olha que você era um verdadeiro garanhão!

Jaemin quase engasgou com a cerveja, forçando um riso.

— É verdade! Devíamos arranjar uma namoradinha pra ele. — Nara entrou na conversa, e você imediatamente a encarou. — Ele é o que tá há mais tempo na seca.

— Não, gente, que isso — Jaemin desconversou. — Tô muito bem com minha vida, tipo, muito bem. Amo minha vida. — Ele enfatizou, como um marido com culpa no cartório.

— Ah, qual é, logo você? — Jeno provocou. — E aquela boate? Aposto que você quer ir de novo.

Seu sorriso se esvaiu ao ouvir aquilo. Lenta e discretamente, você colocou seu copo na mesa, ergueu uma sobrancelha e, olhando diretamente para seu namorado secreto, perguntou:

— Boate?

— Ah! — Jaemin exclamou, rindo nervoso e batendo na mesa. — Qual foi, Jeno? A gente foi lá há tanto tempo atrás, tipo, muito tempo mesmo.

— Ué, mas não faz tanto tempo assim — Johnny retrucou.

— U-ué, óbvio que faz — Jaemin tentava manter o controle, embora o nervosismo estivesse claro. Não que você fosse uma namorada controladora, mas era insegura, e aquela conversa estava começando a incomodá-la. — Foi antes do parque de diversões, né?

Afinal, foi no parque de diversões que o romance de vocês começou.

— Ah, isso foi — Jeno finalmente concordou, mastigando um pedaço de frango frito.

— E você ainda tem o contato daquela garota? — Jhonny perguntou, com um tom casual.

— Uhhh, garota? — Nara segurou seu braço, animada com a fofoca. Você fingiu empolgação, mas seus olhos estavam fixos nas íris de Jaemin.

— O quê? Óbvio que não! — Jaemin negou rapidamente.

— Sério? Mas ela era tão a sua cara — Johnny lamentou.

— Nada a ver — Desconversou, desconfortável. — Nem salvei o contato dela. Não estava na vibe, até falei isso pra ela! Ela super entendeu.

— Nossa, do nada virou um cara decente? — Nara brincou, tentando abrir um sachê de maionese.

— Sempre fui — Jaemin respondeu, voltando a beber.

O foco no rapaz finalmente pareceu se dissolver, e outras vítimas do bullying amigável apareceram, sobrando para Nara e seus relacionamentos sempre conturbados. A garota lhe estendeu silenciosamente o maldito sachê, lhe pedindo com aqueles olhinhos brilhantes para que abrisse para ela. Você riu, um pouco mais tranquila com a história de Jaemin e voltando a achar graça daquilo tudo, era estranho não poder simplesmente dizer um "mas ele ta comigo agora" para as pessoas. Era estranho como sentia tanta vontade de reafirmar aquilo.

Talvez estivesse com medo de tudo. Jaemin parecia ter saído de uma das histórias que sua família tanto amava, poderia sumir de sua vista como um príncipe encantado a qualquer momento.

— Ai! — Você reclamou, distraída em seus pensamentos, quando acabou se machucando com o sachê de maionese.

— Meu Deus! — Jaemin exclamou, se levantando e inclinando o corpo para frente, segurando sua mão. Ele observou a pequena gota de sangue que se formou em seu polegar. — Tá tudo bem, amorzinho? — Perguntou, preocupado, uma das qualidades que a fez se apaixonar por ele. Quem não sonha com um homem tão atencioso?

— Estou bem — Você riu de si mesma. — Como consegui me machucar com isso?

— Já tá bêbada, é? — Jaemin brincou, ainda segurando sua mão. — Tem que tomar mais cuidado e...

Você parou de ouvir as palavras dele quando percebeu os olhares de seus amigos fixos em vocês, boquiabertos de surpresa.

— Amo... Jaemin — Você chamou, tentando trazê-lo de volta à realidade. — Jaemin — chamou de novo, apontando com a cabeça para a mesa.

— Oh — Ele murmurou, soltando suas mãos rapidamente e voltando a se sentar.

— Amorzinho? — Os três amigos perguntaram em coro.

Você respirou fundo, preparando-se para inventar uma desculpa, mas Jaemin a interrompeu.

— Sim — Ele confessou, olhando para você. — Chega, não tem por que mentir. — Suspirou. — Nós estamos juntos. — Ele estendeu a mão, buscando o seu toque novamente.

Você a segurou com um pouco de apreensão, temendo a reação do grupo.

— Ahhhh — Jeno foi o primeiro a falar, levantando o polegar. — Por isso você estava agindo como um homem casado com cinco filhos quando mencionamos a boate.

Nara e Johnny riram, começando a especular sobre vocês com o garoto.

— A gente só não queria contar por... — Jaemin começou, procurando as palavras certas, mas você completou:

— Por medo de como isso poderia mudar as coisas no grupo. — Sua voz saiu baixa, como um desabafo. — Vocês sabem como é... A gente não queria que ficasse estranho. Afinal...

— Ninguém gosta do casal do grupo — Todos disseram em uníssono.

— Vocês a gente pode suportar — Nara tranquilizou, erguendo as mãos e juntando os dedos em um quadrado, semelhante à uma câmera — Formam um casal bonitinho de ver.

Você e Jaemin trocaram olhares, um pouco surpresos. Talvez não tivessem sido tão discretos quanto pensavam. E um sorriso finalmente brotou em seu rosto, aliviando a tensão que sentia no peito.

— Mas não pensem que vão escapar de contar como isso aconteceu. Queremos todos os detalhes! — Nara completou.

— Tipo, todos — Johnny reforçou, erguendo uma sobrancelha de forma exagerada, arrancando risadas de todos na mesa.

Jaemin riu, relaxando na cadeira.

— Certo, certo. Vamos contar, mas... — ele começou a dizer, desviando o olhar para você. — Que tal começarmos pela parte em que eu derrubei tinta azul no cabelo dela?

As risadas ecoaram pela mesa, enquanto você corava ligeiramente, lembrando-se da bagunça que foi aquela noite. Agora, com os amigos ao redor, parecia muito mais fácil compartilhar esses momentos.

— Espera... foi você quem pintou o cabelo dele? — Nara perguntou, surpresa.

— Era pra ser um segredo... — Você respondeu, rindo.

— Eu sabia que só você teria coragem de deixar ele com esse visual todo "cool" — Jeno provocou, enquanto Jaemin fazia um gesto de agradecimento exagerado, como se estivesse sendo elogiado por sua performance em um grande filme.

Entre risadas e comentários descontraídos, o clima ficou ainda mais leve. A conversa fluía, e vocês finalmente puderam relaxar. Sentia-se aliviada, como se um peso tivesse sido tirado de seus ombros. Olhando para os amigos, percebeu o quanto eles significavam para você. Aquele grupo era sua família escolhida, e agora, com Jaemin ao seu lado, tudo parecia ainda mais completo.

Porém, Johnny, sempre dramático, resolveu roubar a cena.

— Só vamos colocar um limite de quantos "amorzinhos" podem ser soltos no dia, se não eu vou — ele ponderou por um segundo, e com uma expressão exagerada de tristeza, afundou o rosto na mesa, fingindo um choro sofrido. — Chorar, meu Deus, como eu sou sozinho!

As risadas ecoaram novamente, mas havia uma ponta de verdade na brincadeira no rapaz de luzes. Jeno, sempre o amigo solidário, esticou-se para bater no ombro do mesmo, dizendo:

— Calma, Johnnyzinho, eu namoro com você, agora que essa baranga roubou meu namorado.

Mais uma vez, todos caíram na gargalhada. O alívio que sentiu ao ver que seus amigos estavam não só aceitando, mas também celebrando seu relacionamento com Jaemin, foi imenso. A partir daquele momento, a noite seguiu com ainda mais leveza, brincadeiras e histórias, cada um dos amigos fazendo questão de garantir que aquele jantar fosse memorável.

Você mais uma vez segurou a mão de Jaemin sobre a mesa, e ele a apertou de volta, sorrindo para você com aquele brilho nos olhos que fez seu coração acelerar.

Se sentiu assim, como em um dos romances que jurava não existir na realidade, mas lá estava você, com o amor de sua vida e seus amigos, em um sorriso de orelha a orelha. Haveria noite mais clichê do que essa?