#jeff the doorman

[namelessspirit27]

I’m this scene Michael gives the doorman a real frog (his final gift to the doorman before he goes to earth for the final time) and it’s clear that Michael expected that the doorman was going to name the frog after him.

While the doorman didn’t do that I think that the name maybe is a nod to something else. Namely the first frog related gift Michael got him! The tumbler with a sticker of a frog on it. Which upon seeing the doorman remarked “he’s a jumper”

So the doorman maiming the frog Mr. Jumpy Legs was partially to tie the first and last gifts together.

Obviously this is me reading far too much into this but I don’t care cause I like it.

[clairedelune-13]

Appreciation post for Jeff the Doorman, my second favorite ND.

[crustacean-man]

The guy is a robot who was built by another robot who has no clue how to build a robot, therefore, wind chime penis

[colfy-wolfy]

this thingy so fun to draw silly little tail man crush his skull and watch the puddle of flesh and blood regenerate back to normal awww so shmumple heart emoj i aww c little mouf oguhb b

[baronessblixen]

Asking For Miracles

Merry Christmas, @katebeckets! I'm your PoangPal Secret Santa, and as I am mostly a writer, you're getting a fic 😁 You said you were enraged that we didn't get to see Mulder and Scully reunite at the end of "Redux II" (same, btw). So I wrote a scene where Scully tells him that she's in remission. It's angsty - but of course, it has a happy end. I hope you like it!

(Here's the AO3 Link)

@poangsecretsanta @today-in-fic

“Mulder, I know it’s late, but I- I need to see you.��

The words Scully left on his answering machine still ring in his ears, even half an hour after he first heard them. By the time Mulder arrives at the hospital, his legs are like lead and feel as if he’s just finished a marathon. Every step he takes is pure agony; if only he could turn around and run. That, of course, is not an option. Not when Scully asked for him. 

Mulder enters the hospital lobby, the place as familiar as his own home by now. He nods at Jeff, the doorman, and he nods back at him. Maybe he recognizes Mulder, or he has compassion for every sad soul that passes by.

He stops in front of the elevator, his fingers fidgeting with the lapels of his jacket. An elderly woman standing next to him eyes him wearily when he presses the elevator button twice more. He’s grateful she’s not making conversation as they step inside. His thoughts are loud, screaming at him. They have been ever since Scully’s phone call - another one he missed. The sound of her suppressed tears is too familiar; it already haunts his nightmares.

It’s late. The hospital is deserted – save for the elderly woman, who’s clinging to her purse, staying with him on the elevator until they reach the oncology ward. They share a silent look, pain evident in their movements as they set out in opposite directions. 

A phone call late at night is never good news. Scully must have called him just after 9 p.m. He grabbed his jacket as soon as he heard it, not even caring if it – or he – smelled bad. Scully is all that matters. 

Yet, now that he’s here, he slows down. The closer he gets to her room, the smaller and heavier his steps become. As long as he’s out here, and as long as he hasn’t looked into her eyes, and heard what she has to say, he can pretend. He can pretend the disease isn’t taking her life, cutting it way too short.

He passes room after room, getting closer to the truth. For once, Mulder doesn’t want it. He wants the miracle, the fantasy. From somewhere he hears music. Or maybe that’s just his imagination. It’s an older song, melancholic. A woman singing about wishing she had a river she could skate away on. Mulder thinks it’s a Christmas song. Who plays Christmas music in the middle of the year? He considers telling Scully about it, hoping it will make her smile. 

It’s no surprise that he hates hospitals. He’s hated them long before Scully got sick, but not always. The first time he remembers being in one was when he was a toddler, just about three years old. On his first visit, he was apprehensive. He knew the concept of hospitals from books; big, white rooms with doctors looking like angels, sometimes healing, sometimes taking people to heaven. That’s how his grandmother Mulder had described it to him when he’d asked. 

The angels, his grandmother had explained, too, had taken good care of his mother and his sister. As a new big brother, he had to know these things. It was his time to be brave. Just like now, he thinks, as his shoes squeak against the linoleum. Back then, his much smaller feet had shuffled along, trying to keep up with his father, who was holding his hand in his large, steady grip. Before that day, Mulder can’t remember his father ever holding his hand.

The room Mulder remembers is filled with a sunny warmth, despite it being November. What are the chances of it having been a sunny day? But that’s how he remembers it. Just like he remembers the soft smile on his mother’s face and the way he had to stand on tiptoe to see Samantha and her squishy face. Seeing her cemented his fate; he was a big brother and he would look after her forever. Only that forever had been taken away from them. Much like last night when he lost her again. No matter what he does, he keeps losing.

The memory ends there. In the following years, hospital walls became tainted. There was blood and screaming. Samantha broke her collarbone and Mulder broke his arm. His grandmother died; the angels she’d believed in taking her away. The memories are strung together like a pearl necklace in his mind; one painful memory after another. An endless circle. Now, there is another memory to add.

He stops in front of Scully’s hospital room. All is quiet. The music has stopped. His heart, however, hasn’t. It’s thumping steadily, loudly. So loud in fact that he wonders if Scully can hear it through the closed door. He closes his eyes and knocks.

“Come in,” Scully’s muffled voice says and so, finally, he does. His eyes find hers the second he steps inside. Her face is puffy - puffier than he’s seen it in weeks. The hollowness for once hidden. How many tears has she cried without him here? She throws him a small, shaky smile. A laugh falls from her lips that sounds more like a hiccup.

“I came as quickly as I could,” Mulder says, flinching when he realizes that’s a lie. He may have driven to the hospital as fast as he could, but he took his time arriving. 

“I thought you should hear it first,” she says, sniffing. She grabs a tissue out of a half-empty box and blows her nose. “This is ridiculous,” she adds, avoiding his eyes. “I just- I called you first when I- and you… you were the first person I wanted to call when I found out.”

Blood rushes in his ears, his temples throb; this is the last moment before he knows. Once she says it - once the words are out there - they can’t be taken back. It will be real.

“They did more tests. I- the last PET scan showed no improvement and I-,” she trails off and Mulder’s knees buckle. No improvement. There’s no cure for this cancer, just like Scully said months ago when she asked him to come to the hospital for the first time. No cure, no improvement. There’s only one way this can end. He wants to cover his ears; it can’t be true if he doesn’t hear it, or see it. 

“I wasn’t ready to accept that,” she goes on, her voice steady. She glances at him as if waiting for him to say something. It’s not like him to remain quiet, but what is there to say? He wants to get on his knees and pray to a God he doesn’t believe in. “So I asked for more tests. When you’re dying, doctors will do whatever you ask of them.”

“I’ll make sure to remember that,” Mulder mumbles and Scully cracks a smile.

“We did another PET scan, among other things, and Mulder- I don’t know why is this so difficult to say.” Another hollow laugh from her and he can no longer keep his hurt in. It expels from his mouth as his lips begin to quiver. Scully’s eyes open wide.

“Oh, Mulder,” she says, reaching out her hand and he’s too weak to deny her, to deny himself. Her skin is as soft as ever, her touch as assuring as it’s always been. He’s crying openly now, weeping. The tears are blurring his vision, but he sees what’s important: her in the hospital bed, smiling up at him.

“You shouldn’t have to comfort me,” he says with a sob, trying to compose himself. He thinks of his father, of the way he watched him dismissively the night his grandmother died. When Mulder, at ten years old, had wiped his tears away with the sleeve of this sweater, he had asked his father why he wasn’t crying. Wasn’t he sad? His father hadn’t replied and only stared at him before he’d wandered off.

“I don’t know what I was thinking, Mulder,” she says, tugging at his hand. “Sit down.” When he doesn’t, she tugs more strongly. “Sit. Please.” He does, his hands folded in his lap as if waiting to start a prayer.

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” she says softly.

“You’re a mind reader now?”

“I don’t have to be. I should have started with the most important news,” she says, waiting. He knows she wants him to look at her. He braces himself before he lifts his eyes to hers. Hers are brimming with tears, just like his own.

“My cancer has gone into remission.”

Mulder stares at her, not understanding. These are the words he wants to hear. Remission. Cured. Yet, he can’t believe them.

“You believe everything but not this?” she teases, her voice shaky.

“You’re- and the cancer? It’s- it’s.” He doesn’t know what to say. How do you describe a miracle? It just is.

“Like I’ve been trying to say, I couldn’t accept that there was no improvement. My mother… my mother and I prayed together and then I knew I couldn’t give up. I asked for another PET scan and more blood tests. Mulder, I don’t know what… something changed. Whatever it is, whether it’s the chip or, or-”

“You’re in remission,” he repeats, his brain finally catching up. She nods.

“I’m in remission. The PET scan shows great improvement. The tumor is shrinking.”

“I can’t- it’s shrinking? You’ll be fine?” He reaches for her other hand, needing to feel her. Again, she nods, smiling.

“I’ll be fine,” she whispers. Mulder stares at her, watches her, and sees his whole future. Their future. Together. His lips quiver again, but this time from joy. Scully nods, understanding him without a single word spoken.

“Come here,” he says, desperate. He lets go of her hands and engulfs her in his arms. Their positions on the bed are awkward, but they make it work. His heart thumps against her chest, and he feels hers, too. He doesn’t care if it was the chip or a miracle. For once, he doesn’t care about uncovering a secret truth. He just wants to hold her in his arms and have her by his side for as long as she wants to be.

“Will you stay?” she asks into his neck. Her lips are warm and wet and her touch brings him back into the here and now.

“I’ll stay,” he says. He’ll stay as long as she will endure him in her hospital room.

“I need to call my family,” she whispers and he loosens his grip on her. Her face is as wet as his own feels and he wipes at her eyes with his thumb. Her blue eyes are almost translucent and he’s in fear of losing himself in them. Instead, he finds himself nodding along, reaching for the cell phone on her bedside table and handing it to her.

“Tell them right away,” Mulder says. “Say you have good news.” He smiles sheepishly. She doesn’t need to know about what he’s gone through in between her call and her breaking the news to him. Still, he’d like Mrs. Scully and Bill Jr. to know what they’re in for so they won’t have to worry anymore. There’s been too much heartbreak already. Scully nods at him, new tears falling from her eyes.

“It’s a Christmas miracle,” Mulder muses and Scully’s eyebrows knit together.

“It’s not Christmas,” she says with a chuckle and he takes her hand into his, entwining their fingers. She lets him. He marvels at their laced hands, remembering the song from earlier. He hopes the woman found a river to skate away on. He hopes she found her happiness somewhere along the way. Or maybe what she was looking for was right in front of her eyes the whole time. He knows what’s that like. 

Mulder lifts his head and grins at her, falling deeper in love with her, allowing himself the full force of his emotions for once. The skepticism in her expression lets him know that she’s about to call him crazy. Or she would if this weren’t the exact moment her mother picks up the phone.

“Mom?” she says, trying to keep the tears out of her voice. Mulder squeezes her fingers to remind her he’s here with her. “I have something to tell you-…,” Scully goes on and looks at Mulder. There are so many things unspoken between them, and so many possibilities now for their future. 

“It’s good news.”

[apomaro-mellow]

Whatever Stevie Wants 11

Part 10

“-The castle has many defenses. But those unknown by the dragons may have a chance to cast a charm. I urge you to make off with the treasure first. The princess has her own wings.”

Eddie had watched the video over and over again. He’d even saved it, just in case the post got deleted. His leg bounced where he sat on the couch. His hands ached to hold his mate, to embrace his pup, to know that they were safe in his arms again.

Jeff was pacing back and forth, just as agitated. “He’s sending us a hidden message. ‘The castle has many defenses’.”

“These folks are rich, they’ve probably got cameras around the place”, Gareth said.

“‘Those unknown by the dragons’...”, Grant echoed from the video. “The dragons are probably his parents. What does he mean by being unknown and able to cast a charm?”

Eddie suddenly stood and snapped his fingers. “His parents only met me and Jeff. They probably won’t recognize you and Gare.”

Jeff stopped his pacing. “You guys might have a chance to sneak in and get the girls.”

“And then Steve can get away on his own”, Gareth said.

Eddie suddenly felt lighter. “That means we’ve got one chance. If they realize too soon what’s going on, they’re going to make it tighter than Fort Knox.” ----------------------

“I don’t even know if I should let you out of the house after that stunt with Findlay”, Margaret said. “Do you know what Betty Rockville said to me today? She asked if I preferred potato salad or macaroni salad. A Rockville! The shame of it all.”

“Isn’t she in the middle of planning a wedding?”, Steve asked, knowing that wasn’t the point.

“It was a slight at my offense and you know that. I’ve raised you to at least recognize that much. A Rockville, Steven! Our family has stood shoulder to shoulder with great families in this country. Kennedys and Reagans. And Betty Rockville thinks she can say that to me.”

Steve looked at his father imploringly. He didn’t regret what he did, but there was only so much of his mother that he could take like this. Layton took pity on him and cleared his throat.

“Why don’t you give Steve the good news, Margaret?”

Steve raised a brow. “Good news?”

His mother settled a little at that. “I’ve narrowed it down to three venues and you’ll never guess what’s available.”

“Available for what?”

“Your wedding, of course. You have to plan these things in advance, you know.”

“I know. I’m already married.” And it had been a beautiful ceremony. Steve had cried at least three times. 

Margaret waved a hand at that. “Annulled before you know it. We’ll get rid of that bite as well.”

Steve just sighed, ready to walk off and sulk in his room when the doorbell rang. His father continued to read the paper while his mother sorted through correspondences from the mail, knowing the doorman would answer it. And just as they expected, he did. And moments later, Chesley came to them with a man in a gray jumpsuit carrying a large duffle bag. It took absolutely everything in Steve to keep himself sitting and not jump into Gareth’s arms.

He wasn’t even looking at Steve, instead simply tipping his hat to his mother and father. Chesley cleared his throat.

“Exterminator, sir and ma’am.”

“I don’t remember hiring an exterminator”, Layton said.

“Do we have vermin in our home?”, Margaret nearly hissed.

“It won’t be a problem miss”, Gareth said. “I just need to inspect the problem areas of the house and then I can set up traps.”

“Layton, we’re having guests next week, we can’t have mice running around the place”, Margaret said, panic pitching her voice. “Chesley, have Tabitha show him around.”

“Oh, don’t bother Tabitha”, Steve finally spoke up and got to his feet. “I can show him around.”

The idea of little critters running around the house had her so frazzled, Margaret didn’t even fight him on it. It was only when they were nearly out of the room that she called out after them.

“Remember your virtue Steven!”

Steve would have groaned in embarrassment if he’d been with an actual stranger. As if he’d just fuck anyone who came through the door!

“She’s lovely”, Gareth said the moment they were deep enough in the hallway.

Steve couldn’t hold back anymore and he pushed Gareth against the wall as he kissed him. He had missed this. His actual family, genuine love, real affection. He would have scented Gareth if he didn’t know his mother would sniff it out immediately and make another comment about his virtue and tighten the leash even more.

“Are you okay?”, Gareth panted after the kiss. “They haven’t been hurting you?”

Steve shook his head and then grabbed his wrist to pull him into one of the guest rooms and locked the door.

“What’s the plan?”, he asked, voice hushed.

“You’re probably not gonna like it”, Gareth said as he set the duffle bag down and unzipped it.

---------------------------

“I realize I’ve yet to take Steve’s measurements”, Margaret said.

“He doesn’t appear to have grown much since college”, Layton commented.

“He’s had children, my dear. Plural. He’s put on weight, I just don’t know how much. It would be nice if he could fit into my wedding dress but we might need other options.”

Layton smiled. “You’ve always wanted to take him bridal shopping, ever since he presented.”

“Well what mother doesn’t dream of it?” She set down the letters in her hand, already thinking of the guest list. “I have measuring tape, maybe I should do it now.”

“He’s escorting the exterminator”, Layton reminded her.

“Don’t use the word ‘escorting’, it sounds indecent.”

While his folks were having that conversation, Steve was struggling to keep his scent calm. He couldn’t believe that this was the best plan they could come up with. But then again, it was pretty short notice, so he couldn’t blame them entirely. They had no idea what his parents would do to him or the pups while they were locked away in this dungeon. 

But still…

He could never tell the twins that he’d let this happen when they were older. He could just hear it now. ‘You’ll let us get kidnapped but we can’t go to a party?’

When they got to the nursery, he told Eleanor that she could take her break now. Steve wasn’t entirely sure what he’d tell her when she returned and there were no babies but that wasn’t important right now.

Violet was sound asleep in her crib. That was good. Vanessa was up and active, playing with a book but her attention was immediately grabbed by Gareth and Steve. She smiled big, arms going in the air and Gareth scooped her up. 

“You ready to get back home, kid?”

Vanessa’s reply was to grab for his hair and pull it towards her mouth. Gareth pulled it out of her grasp and then checked in on Violet, soundly asleep.

“Okay, Operation Cabbage Patch is a go.”

“Of course you guys would call it that”, Steve sighed as he carefully lifted Violet up. 

“Steven? Where did you go? I want to measure you for your dress”, his mother’s voice sounded from the hallway, causing both men to freeze. 

Steve kissed Gareth’s cheek, three times for his other three loves and then set Violet back down. He would have to put all his faith and trust into them while he kept his mother distracted. He walked out, closing the door behind him and calling out to his mother to keep her away from the nursery while Gareth continued the plan.

He set Vanessa down and then opened the bag he had brought along. Inside was soft and cushiony as well as strapping. He placed Violet inside and strapped her in just like it was a carseat. She only shifted slightly, rubbing her eye before settling again. Gareth kissed her forehead, then zipped the bag back up.

He put Vanessa in, and they were secured, foot to foot. Vanessa cooed a bit, but mostly just appeared curious. He just hoped she didn’t make too much noise as they moved.

Gareth carefully lifted the duffle bag by its straps. He wanted to cradle it, but knew that would look unnatural. He left the nursery and thankfully remembered his way back to the front door. A nondescript white van was waiting outside. Grant was at the wheel. As bad as it felt to only have the job half done, they figured it would have to be this way.

The Harringtons had let Steve go once and he went and became the pack omega to a band of musicians. Just as the group had expected, even if they were able to lay eyes on Steve, he wasn’t left alone for long enough to make a real escape. At least not when the girls’ wellbeing was on the line.

Gareth opened the back of the van just as Vanessa began to whine. He shut the doors and opened the bag. In preparation for the plan, car seats had been secured. The moment Gareth had the girls safe in their seats, he told Grant to go. 

----------------------

Eddie and Jeff both wished they could have been home while Gareth and Grant went through with the plan, but they had their own part to play. Steve’s video had been picked up both by news outlets and the gossip rags and Corroded Coffin needed to give their official statement. A police report had been filed, just to cover their bases.

And soon it would be out in the world that the Harringtons were under investigation. Jeff and Eddie went on a radio show, first apologizing to the fans for cutting their promotions short but hoping they’d understand the severity of the situation. By the time the interview was over, they both received a text from Grant simply stating ‘They’re home’.

For once, Jeff didn’t chastise Eddie’s reckless driving. Fuck anyone else on the road, they had to get back. Once they were home, the door was all but torn off its hinges.

And there they were. Vanessa, holding herself up with her hands on the couch. Violet, on her back, trying to eat her own foot. Jeff saw the moment Vanessa saw him, her lips spreading wide and bouncing on her feet in glee as he rushed to hold her. Her giggles were punctuated by the kisses he put all over her face.

Violet didn’t realize Eddie was in the room until she was already in his arms. He could tell by the scrunch in her face that she wanted to be mad at having her foot eating activity interrupted but once she saw who had interrupted it, all was forgiven. Eddie rubbed their cheeks together, feeling more like himself than he had in days. 

“They barely smell like him”, Jeff noted sadly. 

Before, Violet and Vanessa smelled like a combination of their parents. They sometimes carried notes of other pack members too, but Eddie, Steve, and Jeff were the most prevalent. The fact that they hardly carried any of Steve’s scent spoke volumes. 

“They’re home now”, Eddie said, reassuring himself just as much as Jeff. 

----------------------

Steve somehow survived the impromptu fitting without much of a beating to his self esteem. He hadn’t been good enough when he was playing three sports in high school, he definitely wasn’t going to be good enough after having twins. He foresaw plenty of lean meals in his future.

Gareth had wanted to leave a scent token with Steve, something to hold him over and soothe him now that he would be completely alone. As much as Steve yearned for it, he resisted. It was too risky to have around. Gareth ended up leaving him with something even better instead.

A phone.

Part 12

We're doin another socmed chapter! So just like before, comment or reblog with how you'd react in universe to the events so far, be it Steve's video, CC's abrupt schedule change or whatever and it'll show up in the next chapter :)

[ijustwanttoreadfanfiction]

Candyland

Rockstar! (ish) Eddie Munson x AFAB! Bar Dancer Reader

Cherry Pie is always the inspiration for some absolute filth. Reader works at a Coyote Ugly type bar - you'll find out, it's hard for me to describe this one. Because I suck.

Warnings: Explicit language, explicit sexual content, oral sex (m receiving), p in v sex, suggestive content with the dancing?

The R-Bar, Chicago - 1991

Eddie is sweating his nutsack off, fingers red raw from shredding for almost two hours, voice sore and crackling. The mediocre applause that follows him off the small stage with the rest of the band hardly seems worth the pain. He snags a water bottle from a beat up trestle table, chugging it in relief as their manager Lambshank approaches; so named because he got shanked in prison with a lamb bone, true story.

“That was a killer set guys, great work, the crowd loved you!” He hails with so much bravado it verges on sarcasm. 

“Yeah, all fourteen of them.” Eddie deadpans.

“I counted seventeen.” Jeff wryly supplies with a rough croak, finishing off his own bottle of water.

“Alright, it wasn’t the biggest crowd, granted, but everyone has to start somewhere.” Lambshank reasons.

“Yeah, but we started this group eleven years ago, Shank.” Eddie huffs, he knew the rockstar dream wouldn’t be an easy one to achieve but he thought after graduating and being able to pour all his time and what little money he had into the band they’d be playing bigger and better venues by now.

He was fed up, every place was like The Hideout back home, filled with drunks, and sticky floors.  They did have a couple of genuine fans, who they appreciated even if they were slightly over-zealous in their affections; Gareth had never quite been the same since Luann, the forty-seven year old divorcee, threw her FF bra directly at his face mid-show.

“You fellas need a fun night out, get yourselves pumped up again and I know just the place.” Lambshank says bracingly, working his fists back and forth like a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot. Eddie scrubs at his tired sweaty face, pushing his hair out of his eyes, wanting nothing more than to shower and go to bed, god he was getting old. 

“Shank I don’t need a night out, I need to get some sleep.”

“Eddie, I promise you, you’ll enjoy it - and the first round of drinks are on me.” Shank offers teasingly.

_______________________________________________

“Candyland?” Gareth asks, reading the pink neon sign aloud as they all stand outside a rather nondescript looking building, the loud heavy bass thumping of music the only indicator there might be something going on inside.

“Candyland.” Lambshank affirms with a grin, gesturing towards the heavy door in front of them, a burly and surly looking doorman giving Lambshank a curt nod letting the group in.

It’s a cacophony of noise, and flashing lights, the place is packed to the rafters, the smell of stale beer and sweat heavy in the air. But it’s the movement from the bar area that catches Eddie’s eye, a group of women all around his age in various states of undress, dancing and grinding along to No Sleep Till Brooklyn - Beastie Boys, they also appear to be serving drinks.

“Welcome to Candyland boys!” Lambshank laughs, patting Eddie heavily on the back.

It’s certainly a show, the girls are laughing and screaming things out, men and women on the floor crowded up to the raised surface cheering loudly, throwing money, and generally having the time of their lives. 

The song finishes up, and the bar girls all jump down to be replaced by an older looking blonde woman with a microphone in her hand.

“Candyland, how are we doing tonight?!” She yells, to a deafening cheer. “C’mon I know you can do better than that, I said HOW ARE WE DOING TONIGHT?” She corrals with a fist to the air.

The bar shouts back in unison, even Eddie finds himself wanting to join in.

“That’s what I like to hear.” She laughs throatily. “Now I want you to give it up, and by that I mean your hard earned dollars, for our girl JETT!”

I Love Rock ‘N Roll - Joan Jett starts up, along with a raucous cheer from the crowd as girl jumps up onto the bar in black PVC booty shorts, a ripped white crop top, black bra visible underneath and black high-top converse, her back is to everyone as she claps her hands and stamps along to the beat, Eddie tears his eyes away trying to work out the best route to the bar in order to actually get a drink when Gareth starts tugging hard on his arm.

“Jeez man what?” Eddie huffs in irritation, Gareth points dumbly back towards the bar, mouth hanging open, Eddie looks again and feels his own jaw drop.

“Holy shit it’s -” Jeff breathes, the girl is finally facing the crowd, throwing her body back and forth, a huge smile plastered across her pretty face. 

“Y/n -” Eddie finishes his sentence with a gulp.

Eddie hadn’t seen you since graduation, but it was definitely you, despite your get up and apparent new found sense of confidence there was no mistaking your face. You had been something of a shrinking violet at High School, choosing to hang out with Eddie and the gang as they didn’t mind that you were painfully shy and preferred books to conversation, and whilst you had never been a fully fledged member of Hellfire you sometimes took part in the occasional campaign if they were short and Eddie coaxed you enough.

  It didn’t seem you needed to be coaxed into doing anything anymore though as you gyrated on the platform, hooking your leg and arm around a pole between the bar top and ceiling, spinning about seductively. You headbang slightly, before dropping low to grab a handful of dollars from a howling man, one of the girls behind the bar passes you up a bottle of vodka and you expertly pour a shot into the man’s open mouth. As the song fades out, some of the other girls jump back up to join you, the vodka bottle in your hand being swapped for the microphone.

“Good evening Candyland.” You purr slightly out of breath, laughing loudly at the tumultuous response. “Life is sweet, but you know what? It could be a little sweeter, so how about we pour a little sugar on you?” You ask suggestively, throwing your arms up as Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard rings out.

Eddie doesn’t know where to look, well he knows exactly where he wants to look but he doesn’t know if he should. You’re back to back with one of the other girls, both winding down to your knees, you crawl across the bar and Eddie finds himself standing tiptoes to follow your progress. You lay on your back, arching upwards, so your chest is on display, while a redhead girl in Daisy dukes wets your body with the seltzer tap. You screech wildly, shaking your head allowing the liquid to splash the front row, Eddie thinks he might pass out as the blood thunders down from his brain to his cock.

You move back up into a kneel, taking the tap and spraying it into the raucous crowd, whilst necking a beer you’ve taken off of someone. You and the rest of the girls line up, all bending sideways so you’re grabbing the ass of the other, spanking in time to the music, before shaking your legs so the muscles bounce and jiggle.

“This is insane.” Gareth says weakly next to Eddie, and he has to agree. You straighten up, spinning around the pole once again until you’re head on staring at Eddie and the group, a wide beaming smile of recognition breaking across your face. You seem to be dancing with even more enthusiasm now you’ve clocked your old school friends, hands running over your own form, as you strut up and down the platform. The redhead from before has a bottle of whiskey in her hand which she pours on her chest with a subtle nod to you, you lean in and lick the gold liquid from her skin, to rapturous hoots and hollers, tracing your tongue up her neck until you meet her mouth; Eddie notices more dollar bills clutched in your hands as you pull away.

The song comes to an end, and you instantly jump down into the crowd, pushing patrons out of your way, practically racing towards the band.

“OH MY GOD, HI!” You shout excitedly, barrelling straight into Eddie first, he barely has time to snap out of his funk and embrace you back before you're pulling away to address the others. You’re flushed with exertion, but to him you’ve never looked prettier.

“Gareth, Jeff!” You hail, bringing each of them in for their own hug, Eddie having to fight down a sudden surge of jealousy.

“Y/n! What the hell man?!” Gareth greets you with a laugh, gesturing to the hive of activity still taking place on the bar behind you.

“Girl’s gotta make a living, ya know.” You tease, punching him lightly in the arm. “It’s my Aunt’s place, she’s the blonde one up there.” You point to the older woman who revved up the crowd earlier, she’s currently pouring a row of shots, but all the while keeping an eye on her girls, including you.

“What are you guys doing here?” You ask casually, like you’re not standing in front of them scantily clad, and the source of their awkward crotch covered stances. 

“We’re on tour.” Jeff supplies.

“Holy shit - that’s so cool, where are you playing?” Eddie wants to answer you, but your devastating smile is making his brain short circuit.

“They played the R-Bar tonight. Lambshank, manager extraordinaire and long time patron of Candyland.” Lambshank butts in, offering his hand in greeting, you shake it and Eddie sees a slight wariness enter your expression.

“The R-Bar huh? I’d thought with how good you guys were in High School, you’d be playing bigger venues than that.” You don't say it maliciously, you seem genuinely concerned, and it sparks Eddie's brain and mouth back to life. 

“We’ve been trying to but it’s not been going so well.” Eddie says quietly, and you nod in understanding.

“Where are you guys playing next?” You ask with interest.

“We’re at the R-Bar again tomorrow night.” Gareth says, unable to keep the dismay out of his voice. 

“Ok, cool, leave it with me. Drinks on the house by the way, just go see my aunt. Catch up properly at close?” You ask quickly, already backing up towards the bar, slipping under the gap and whispering in your aunt's ear as you service the clamouring groups. 

  Eddie's gaze is firmly fixed on your retreating form, he always had a soft spot for you through school, ok maybe crush was more accurate, although he'd play it off as a brotherly protective vibe when people had asked but what he was feeling now was far from brotherly.

"I'll get us some beers." He says not caring if the others are listening, purposely ignoring Lambshank's request for a double JD, as he makes his way through the thronging horde, with a little elbowing he eventually gets to the front.

“What can I get you handsome?” Your aunt asks him, leaning across the bar. 

“Uh - four Coors Dry please.” He responds absentmindedly watching the way you’re shaking a drink at the other end of the bar, clearly flirting with every customer and doing a damn good judging by your overflowing tip jar.

“Would you prefer for my niece to serve you?” Your aunt says with a wry smile.

“Oh - uh - no sorry, just haven't seen her in a while.” Eddie stammers, slipping across a $20 bill.

“You’re Eddie right?” He nods, she smiles and it’s not too dissimilar to your own. “I'm Paula. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name. She never used to shut up about you when she was a teenager, Eddie this, Eddie that.” She laughs, pouring the beers.

“She liked me?” Eddie asks in shock, the thought makes his head spin.

“I don’t think you need to put it in the past tense hunny.” Paula grins, sliding his $20 back across the bar. “You break her heart, I’ll get Doug the Doorman to break your fingers.”

Before Eddie can respond, your voice cuts across the noise once more, you’re up on the bar again, microphone in hand. 

“Alright Candylanders, it’s come to our attention that we have some very, very special guests here with us tonight -” The seductive lilt in your tone is back, commanding the attention of everyone in the room, but none more so than Eddie. “- all the way from my hometown of Hawkins, Indiana, they are the next generation of rockstars, the one, the only CORRODED COFFIN!” You bellow pointing towards where Gareth, Jeff and Lambshank are still standing. 

“They’re the real deal, and they’re playing at the R-Bar tomorrow, I know - I know it's a fucking shithole." You argue back to the murmured complaints. "But here's the deal, you all go and I will reveal my very secret, very intimate tattoo at the end of their show -” You teasingly pull at the waistline of your booty shorts, before stroking your hand down over your covered mound, the crowd going wild. “- Alright you bunch of horn dogs, save it for tomorrow, now let’s get this fucking party started!” You scream, throwing the microphone down to Paula, who gives you a huge wink.

Cherry Pie - Warrant blares out of the speakers, the girls clambering up to join you once more, pitchers of water in their hands.

“ANYONE ELSE FEELING WET?” Paula shouts into the mic, as you and the rest of the girls pour the pitchers over yourselves, Eddie watches completely enthralled as the water cascades over your chest and down your legs, barely noticing how Gareth and Jeff have joined him.

You stomp over towards them, a huge smile on your face again, dropping into an impressive front split, water droplets glistening over your flushed skin.

“Hey Eddie, you want a blowjob?” You ask loudly over the music.

“Do I want a what?!” Eddie asks incredulously, half laughing, half choking on his beer. 

You jump down, grabbing a shot glass, and two bottles of liquor, topping it off with some whipped cream.

“A blow job.” You present to him with a devious smirk.

Eddie throws his head back in a proper laugh, the kind of laugh you used to savour hearing through school, he moves to take the shot but you slap his hand anyway.

“Oh that’s not for you big boy, it’s for me. You need to sit right here.” You say patting the bar top, Eddie looks at you warily but hoists himself up regardless with a smile, you wink and then move to the other end of the bar, whispering something to Paula as you pass.

“Ohhhhh! Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like Jett is about to give some lucky guy a blowjob!” Paula shouts through the mic, stopping mid pour to ring a bell, Eddie’s ears hurt from the wolf whistles and stamping of feet.

Two girls, the redhead and a brunette, help get him in the correct position, legs spread with the shot in between, you get lifted onto the bar by Doug blowing a kiss to him and the gathered crowd. Sinking to your knees you stalk towards him in a slow crawl, he would never be able to listen to Smooth up in ya in the same way ever again. When you reach him, you lean in close to his ear so only he can hear you, his arm automatically coming up to steady you as you hover.

“When I touch your knee, put your hand on the back of my head, and when I touch it again let go.”

You move back, grinning from ear to ear, running your hands over his chest, down and down, fingers brushing his thighs, until you reach his knees; Eddie lifts a shaking a hand to run through your hair at the crown of your head, you wink again before arching low, ass in the air, he can see your lips wrap around the glass; he knows you must notice his raging hard on. 

“SHOT, SHOT, SHOT!” The bar screams and Eddie suddenly remembers there are a hundred people watching your antics. Once you have the drink secure, you run your hands back up his legs, tapping his knee once, he lets his hand drop from your head albeit reluctantly. You throw your whole body back, chest jutting out, swallowing the shot to ear splitting cheers and clapping, letting a carefully choreographed bit of liquid spill from the side of your mouth, using your thumb to seductively chase it back to your mouth with a firm suck.

You press a quick kiss to Eddie’s lips, before standing abruptly, taking a bow.

“Can I get one of those? Please?” Gareth asks, voice strained.

_______________________________________________

  The rest of the night passes in a blur of girls dancing, pounding music and alcohol but Eddie only has eyes for you. Even when Gareth gets his ‘blowjob’ from the redhead, Cherry, you’re still his focus, the way you move, how openly you laugh with the girls sharing private jokes, the way you handle yourself; fearless and so sexy. 

The bar finally closes at 2am, it’s oddly quiet now the sound system is off, only the chink of glasses being collected and general chit-shit fills the air. Lambshank is chewing Paula’s ear off about management opportunities, which she seems to be responding to with good humour. Gareth is following Cherry about like a lost puppy, helping her with clearing tables, and Jeff is asleep in one of the booths, a cocktail umbrella tucked behind his ear. 

You’re wiping down the bar top, a shy smile on your face, the one Eddie remembered from school, it seems the shrinking violet is still there once the music is off.

“So Eddie Munson the rockstar huh?” You say, voice a little croaky from a night of shouting and singing.

“I wouldn’t say rockstar.” Eddie murmurs, sipping at his drink.

“Is the band your only job?” You ask pointedly, spraying at a stubborn sticky spot.

“Yeah.” Eddie says, rubbing at his neck feeling self conscious.

“Well then, you’re a rockstar.” You grin softly.

“Alright ladies, you can all head home, Mr Shank here is going to help me finish up.” Paula calls, meeting your raised eyebrows with a sheepish shrug of her shoulders.

Eddie watches as Gareth attempts to rouse Jeff from his deep drunken stupor, wondering if he can manage to get him back to the hotel by himself, not quite ready to leave your side, evidently you are thinking along the same lines as you place a delicate hand on his arm.

“Shall we help get the guys back to your hotel?” You suggest gently, trying not to laugh as Jeff sinks lower into the seat trying to pull Gareth in for a spooning.

“You want to come back with me?” Eddie asks, surprised, not believing his luck.

“Yes, if that’s ok.” You say blushing profusely. “Unless you don’t want me to.” You add quickly feeling unsure of yourself.

“No! - I uh, I mean I would love for you to come back with me.” Eddie stammers, his face burning likely matching the same reddened shade as your own.

“Ok, just lemme go get changed.” You smile breathlessly.

The hotel isn’t far from the bar, and the thirty minute walk allows you and Eddie to catch up some more, sharing lingering looks and touches where you can, in between half carrying, half dragging Jeff. Gareth being absolutely no help, floating along behind slowly, waxing lyrical about how he is in love with Cherry.

“Should I tell him she’s a lesbian?” You whisper to Eddie, stifling a giggle.

“Let him have his moment whilst he’s still hammered.” Eddie laughs. “I’ll break it to him in the morning, assuming he remembers.”

Your head is swimming with all kinds of Eddie related thoughts as you try your best to concentrate on the task at hand, helping Gareth into bed, he passes out as soon as his face hits the mattress in the double room. Eddie situates a now entirely unconscious Jeff with some difficulty, before making sure they both have glasses of water and Tylenol on the bedside table ready for their no doubt horrendous hangovers.

You’re bubbling with nerves as he closes the door, but they abruptly disappear when he takes your hand, leading you down the corridor to his own room. It's small and basic but at least it’s clean. 

“So - uh do you want a drink?” Eddie asks, rooting about in a plastic bag on the side. “I have slightly warm Coke or slightly warm Mountain Dew.” 

“Such variety! I’ll take a slightly warm Mountain Dew please.” You laugh, perching on the end of his bed, rubbing your hands over your leggings.

“For Madame.” He passes you a can with a silly little French accent, sitting next to you with a can of Coke. “Gotta say it was one hell of a show you put on tonight sweetheart.” 

You’re blushing again, shaking your head in embarrassed disagreement.

“It’s nothing special, just silly little dances and tricks, but it pays the bills, and it helps Paula out.” You say dismissively.

“I think it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” Eddie mutters, his leg jiggling with nerves or pent up energy, you couldn’t tell.

“C’mon Eddie, it wasn’t that good.” You mumble, thinking if your cheeks got any warmer the sprinkler system would go off.

“When you did that thing with the shot, I nearly came in my pants.” He says honestly, laughing at his own admission, it sparks something within you, the same feeling of fearlessness you experience when you’re up on the bar. You stand up, taking his drink from his hand and placing it on the windowsill with yours, kicking off your shoes and pulling down your leggings so you’re left in your panties and pink Candyland sweater.

“It would be a waste if you came in your pants Eddie, when my mouth is right here.” You whisper, sinking to your knees in front of him, praying you hadn’t misread the signals.

Eddie doesn’t give you long to worry, grabbing your face in his hands, leaning down to kiss you hard, tongue stroking into your mouth making you moan softly.

“Jesus Christ, I can’t believe this is happening.” Eddie murmurs against your lips as you unbuckle his belt, lifting his hips to help you tug his pants and boxers down. His cock slaps against his belly, long and hard, making your mouth water, you wrap your lips around him eagerly, tongue flat against the shaft as you bob up and down.

“Oh - f-fuck.” Eddie groans, hands back in your hair just like at the bar, gently guiding your movements. The room is filled with the sounds of your choking and sucking, the wet slide of your mouth over his throbbing dick, and Eddie’s whimpering gasps.

“Yes! Oh baby, your mouth feels - shit - so fucking good. Used to dream about you - fuck - used to dream about you doing t-this.” He moans, hips pistoning up to meet your open throat as you move quicker. “Can I - ah! Can I fuck you? Please sweetheart?” He begs, and it sends a surge or arousal through you.

You pull off him with a broken gasp, lips swollen and wet.

“Yes please.” You say sweetly, slightly out of breath.

Eddie’s hands are everywhere as he hauls you up from the floor, peeling your panties down, fingers tracing through your wetness whilst he kisses you deeply again.

“Condom - where the fuck did I put the fucking condoms?!” He hisses, stretching back down to retrieve his pants, you laugh peppering his neck with licks and nips.

You’re practically dripping, hovering over his cock, waiting with baited breath as he rolls the condom on, angling the hard tip to your slick opening. Both of you letting out loud moans as you sink down inch by inch, walls hugging him tightly, spasming with the stretch.

“Eddie - oh my god!” You whimper, nails biting into his shoulder, rocking against each other, his balls hitting your ass.

“Yesss, you feel like fucking heaven.” Eddie growls, using his strength to hammer up into you, both knowing the other wasn’t going to last long, the entire evening serving as foreplay. You bring your fingers down to rub roughly at your clit, whining into his mouth through messy kisses, each thrust of his cock bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

“Eddie, babe, I’m gonna cum.” You gasp, pussy tightening almost to the point of pain, vision going blurry as you climax hard.

“Oh god - baby! Fuck -” Eddie chokes out, arms holding you in a bruising grasp, head against your neck as he jerks his hips at a brutal pace, hurtling into his own release with a loud cry.

Eddie continues to pump gently into you, drawing out your orgasms, lazy kisses, and stroking touches bringing you back down.

“Goddamn, why didn’t we do this years ago?” He asks breathlessly, as you laugh with exhilaration, he lays back on the bed pulling you with him, thundering heartbeats steadily slowing.

“Y/n?” Eddie asks quietly after a time, fingers stroking up and down your thighs.

“Mmm?” You murmur sleepily.

“I know I was a little distracted back there, but - uh - I didn’t see any kind of tattoo.”

You laugh again, pushing off the bed, rummaging through your bag, throwing a small packet at Eddie.

“Candy cigarettes?” He queries in confusion.

“Yep, with a free Batman rub-on tattoo.” You grin, jumping back onto the bed straddling him once more, shoving one of the candy sticks into your mouth.

“Those are a filthy habit, sweetheart.” Eddie teases grinning widely up at you.

 “Care to do the honours?” You smirk devilishly, waving the temporary tattoo at him.

_______________________________________________

[stimxtastic]

frog themed jeff the doorman stimboard

💚 🐸 💚 | 💚 💚 | 💚 🐸 💚

[roseofithaca]

Chidi: Hey, Michael? Would you mind not referring to me as your "pesky little nerd friend" to other people?

Michael: When have I ever done that?!

Chidi: To Shawn, to the Judge, to all the Bad Janets, to all the Neutral Janets, to Disco Janet, to Vicky, to the afterlife council, to all my Good Place lectures, to Jeff the Doorman who we passed two minutes ago.

Michael: Hmm...Well I guess that does sound like me...

[talkingharrystyles]

The only think I love about this stunt is that H literally gives zero energy to their wannabe relationship. They literally looks like they barely know each other, for the last pap walk he almost had heart eyes for a random doorman than to his very serious gf with who he plans wedding and family lmao. And when I read that she get there just to have her 5 seconds of fame, isn´t it always like that? They met somewhere, spend like 15 minutes together to have attention and photos and then he was seen alone. It almost looks like this stunt deal is like "Ok, Jeff, I´m gonna stunt again not even after a year of being single but I´m not gonna do anything, I´ll just be there and I don´t care". I´m not complaying at all, rather this than her clinging on him OW style but still it´s annoying and idk why he doesn´t give us something else when he´s obviously not on a break at all.

[chipp-zanuff-fanboy]

My toxic trait is that I will get really into a piece of media and then immediately start imagining the anime for it.

It's quite silly and something that I should really stop doing.

Okay so the Paranatural opening begins with a flash of psychic light revealing an image very similar to the chapter covers of the comic; a circle split in half, the upper half being a classroom from Mayview Middle School, split into five parts (four at the front, one in the middle of them all), with the lower part being taken up by Spender's shadow spirit. The four parts in the front contain each member of the AC and the middle one contains Spender, all five silently posing. Each individual part of the classroom is also taking on the form of each of it's inhabitants world when they are in Spirit Trance.

Much like the zoatrope at the start of MP100 s2's OP, the image comes alive, each member of the Activity Club performing an a small animation (Max uses his bat's magnetic powers to pull his scooter out of his backpack, Ed draws a small X in the air, Spender creates a light flash in the air etc.). Meanwhile in the background notable items from the series start flying out of the image in different directions (the bus that Max jumped through, the Golden Switch from Hitball, the Soup can Max threw. Lefty. Just Lefty).

The camera flies past Spender through the classroom door, bringing us to a wide profile shot showing Max walking to school, as one by one each member of the AC joins him. As each member joins, an animated version of their image from the Cast page appears in the sky, along with items from the first shot related to them (Max has the bus and his scooter, Isabel has Eightfold and her grandpas Spectral Dolphin Blast, Ed has his mom's dream form and Starchman's skateboard, Isaac has Doorman's face and his drawing from that one Supernormal strip)

Just as our heroes are about to reach the school, the Ghost Train flies past, taking up the entire screen and transitioning us to the centerpiece shot of the entire OP. From the night sky above Mayview, the camera begins to fly down into the forest below, with Mina and the agents that joins her, up through Max's bedroom window, showing his family and Lefty (though notably not PJ nor Max)

The camera flies out onto the street outside, where it has suddenly become daytime, traveling onwards past the Jang and down the hill together with Isaac, passing by the floating Garcia, into the Slanted Manse and through Doorman into the Guerra house where Isabel and Ed are racing down the stairs. Through a gap in the tall grass outside we now go to the centre of Mayview, past the fortune teller lady's shop, a poster for Dr. Bigfoot and DJ Mothman's show (in the garbage), Day and Zarei out on a platonic galpal session being served drinks by Penny, before an unfamiliar hook flies by the screen, twisting space and taking us to the entrance to Mayview Middle School.

Flying past the School Store, the Journalism Club, Cody, Jeff and Violet all hanging out, we finally reach Max. You see, this entire massive flying through Mayview-sequence has actually been PJ's perspective, as he followed Max through Chapter 5. Anyway, there's an animated recreation of that one panel from Chapter 1 where Max realizes only he's seeing shades, but this time the hallway doesn't just expand, it bursts.

This sends Max flying in a strange black void accompanied by animated versions of the chapter title pages. The camera then shifts to have him flying down large colored circles, each featuring a member of the AC performing an personal walk cycle, like the shot from Kaguya-sama OP 1. The camera then shifts to the side once more; Max is now falling down the Activity Consortium's dream base, which then turns into a little whirl of sand in Boss Leader's hand. Behind her, Sandman's eyes opens out of the darkness, and as BL flies off to stop it the camera pans down to the agents of the Consortium all posing in their suitsies before performing a spectral flash, taking us to the final shot of the OP.

The Paranatural logo flashes by, recreated in the spirit trance world of all spectral's of the series (it's made out of scrap in Max's world, graffiti'd onto a train in Isabels, made out of those letter playblocks in Dmitri's world, old and crumbled in Isaac's etc.) before turning into it's normal state, before being swallowed by Scrapdragon.

Now I could talk for like three more paragraphs with all of the little details I would add, but what I would like to mention most of all is that during the big "flying through Mayview"-part, each character with the ability to see spirit's turns to look directly at the camera, since they can see PJ.

[clairedelune-13]

Jeff the Doorman is autistic and Frogs are his Special Interest.

[misterah13]

All SpongeBob characters

SpongeBob SquarePants

Gary The Snail

Shelley The Scallop

Patrick Star

Squidward Tentacles

Sandy Cheeks

Mr Eugene H Krabs

Sheldon J Plankton

Karen Plankton

Mrs Penelope Puff

Pearl Krabs

Larry The Lobster

The Flying Dutchman

King Neptune

Queen Amphitrite

Triton

Princess Mindy

Jody

King Neptune’s Mother

Mermaid Man

Barnacle Boy

Pyrite Ponderer

Miss Appear

The Elastic Waistband

Captain Magma

The Quickster

Madame Kassandra

Madame Hagfish

Squilvia

Squidette

Squidina Star

Bunny Star

Cecil Star

Herb Star

Margie Star

Grand Pat

Uncle GrandPat

Inga Star

Ed Star

Sam Star

Silly Star

Confused Star

Hungry Star

Janet Star

Marty Star

Patrick Nonstar

Ice Cream King

P-1000

Elephant Snail

Moose Snail

Squilliam Fancyson

Ma Cheeks

Pa Cheeks

Granny Cheeks

Randy Cheeks

Rowdy Cheeks

Rosie Cheeks

Sparky

Sue Nahmee

Cuda

Kyle

Phoebe

Rattlesnakes

Man Ray

Dirty Bubble

Harold SquarePants

Margaret SquarePants

Grandma SquarePants

Grandpa SquarePants

Todd SquarePants

SpongeBox

SpongeBox’s Holographic Doorman

Burger Beard

Prawn

Craig Mammalton

Rosy Cheeks

Macadamia

Pistachio

Hazelnut

Kenny The Cat

Regigilled The Octopus

Wise Kraken

Krakens

Goth Whale

Doctor Marmalade

Professor Percy

Lord Reginald

Atomic Flounder

Jumbo Shrimp

Sinister Slug

The Octopus King

The Moth

Breakfast Monster

Kelp Thing

DoodleBob

Clam Head Candy Cad

Jeff Tentacles

Kevin C Cucumber

Gordon Plankton

Cletus Plankton

Mama Plankton

Plankton 2.0

Betsy Krabs

Redbeard Krabs

Mr Doodles The Worm

Krabs Senior

Mrs Tentacles

Granny Tentacles

Jeff Tentacles

Plankton’s Ancestors, Cousins and Family

Granny Plankton

Spot The Amoeba

Chip Plankton

Lighthouse Louie

Otto

King Poseidon

Sage

Tony The Sea Turtle

Sea Turtles

Anchor Man

Buford

Cletus

Luther

Wonder Whale

Robot Mantis

King Jellyfish

Queen Jellyfish

Jellyfish

Blue Crested Blaster Jellyfish

Speckled Squirter Jellyfish

Two Fisted Jumper Jellyfish

Gold Throated Singer Jellyfish

No Name/Friend The Blue Jellyfish

Ol Bessy The Jellyfish

Dopey Dick The White Jellyfish

Firejellies

Jellybee

Bat Jellyfish

Moon Jellyfish

Jelliens

Jellien Leader

Seahorses

Sea Urchins

Clamu

Jennifer The Sea Anemone

Comb Jelly

Stingray

Stan The Manta Ray

Gulper Eel

Wormy

Professor Percy

Dr Marmalade

Lord Reginald

Fuzzy Acorns

Mystery The Seahorse

Sea Whelks

Sea Snails

Miss Marigold The Sea Snail

Penny Pinchers

Alaskan Bull Worm

The Sneaky Hermit

Hermit Crabs

Yeti Crabs

Federico The Waiter

Shrimp

Brine Shrimp/Sea Monkeys

Johnny Krill

Krill

Snellie

Sea Slug

Leech

Eel

Stanley S SquarePants

Captain Blue SquarePants

BlackJack SquarePants

Bubbles The Talking Dolphin

Janitor Bots

Ancient Warrior

Manatees/Sea Cows

Earless Seals

Bubble Buddy

Squidabeth

Clams

Scallops

Black Scallops

Karen Plankton 2.0

E.M.I.LP.

Fredrick

Abominable Snow Mollusk

Mermaid Teenager 1

Mermaid Teenager 2

Mermaid Teenager 3

Mermaid Teenager 4

Mermaid Teenager 5

Mermaid Teenager Incidentals

Mermaid 1 (The Cosmic Shake)

Mermaid 2 (The Cosmic Shake)

Mermaid 3 (The Cosmic Shake)

Sir Urchin

Snail Fail

Tooth Fairy (Character)

Narlene Narwhal

Nobbert Nobby Narwhal

WillyBob The Narwhal

Ma Narwhal

Pa Narwhal

Mr Eugene Krabs’s Three Nephews

Noseferatu

Kidferatu

Captain Of The Sea Ship Atlantis

Lord Royal Highness

Atlantean Royal Guards

Nando

Worm Hogs

Rolly The Dinosaur

Dinosaurs

Sea Dinosaurs

Sea Tigers

Sea Elephants

Sea Cows

Lucky The Sea Cow

Bessie

Sea Giraffes

Sea Bunnies

Sea Bears

Sea Spiders

Sea Chimps

Sea Monkeys

Sea Rhinoceroses

Sea Baboons

Sea Hippos

Sea Snakes

Sea Mules

Sewer Snake

Sea Monsters

Sea Monster

Fifi The Worm

Robot (Character)

Worms

Spotted Glistening Meadow Worms

Mrs Wormsley

Wormsley Children

Earworm

Peanut Worms

Nematodes

Rex The Worm

JK

Atlantean Citizens

The Greek Chorus

French Narrator

Goofy Goober

Mayhem Machine

Mr Sun

Patchy The Pirate

Potty The Parrot

Stephen Hillenburg

[october-faye]

The penultimate episode of Partner Track. The show has barely taken off, and now it has to stick its landing.

Ingrid drops by Nick's place to return the engagement ring. She looks like she's dreading the conversation. Not to rub it in (but also to totally rub it in), I'd like to ask her if this confrontation is easier than simply breaking up with him weeks ago?

She explains to Nick that she and Jeff have a history.

Girl!

👏 You 👏 slept 👏 with 👏 him 👏 once 👏 six years ago, never learned his name, and never saw him again. That's not history. That's barely a footnote. Look, I just summed up the entirety of it in one sentence.

Nick calls Jeff dark and tortured (LOL) and tells Ingrid to ask herself why she always chases the storm (LOL).

Jeff is not 'the storm'; he's that drizzly piss weather we get in London. Or maybe he means Ingrid's love life in general? Still not seeing it.

Nick tells her he'll have her stuff shipped over to her.

In case this is your last scene, Nick... uh... sorry. You did not deserve this shit. But also, you and Ingrid dated for a matter of months, and you can do better than a woman who's only sort of into you.

Opening credits.

Ingrid is at her apartment, microwaving a meal and looking sad. She must be missing Nick's cooking. But she forgets about all that when the doorman rings and asks if Jeff can come up. She says 'yes' and hurriedly tidies.

Jeff has bought dumplings (I suppose they were out of egg salad sandwiches?) but he sees Ingrid is already eating some. So I suppose he learned her preferred foods off-screen?

He tells Ingrid that he's cooled things off with Victoria, and she tells him that it's 100% over with Nick. They kiss.

The two actors are excellent screen kissers, by the way. It's an easy thing to forget about until you see actors who can only smash their mouths together in a way that just looks like assault.

Jeff and Ingrid agree to keep their relationship a secret in the office. Jeff reminds her that she jumped him in that same office. They giggle some more.

Cut to a montage where they walk past each other at work, eye-fucking so intensely that I'm surprised Ingrid doesn't get pregnant on the spot. Now I'm imagining the beautiful but insufferable and stupid baby they could make.

Seriously, everyone in the office has eyes. They'll see you two touching hands in the corridor as you pass each other. Do you think you're the first ones in the firm to have an affair? I shudder to imagine what a black light would reveal in your offices.

In the overly long montage, they hang around Ingrid's apartment while she dances sexily for him and strips before they have sex. They also make out in an elevator. These two only wish they were Meredith and Derek from Grey's Anatomy.

I'm making fun of them, but I do buy that they're having a lot of fun. It's a shame there weren't enough episodes in this season to let their early love affair play out more slowly so we could see what they're like as a couple when it's not all steamy looks and slow motion fucking.

The montage (finally) ends, and they're in bed. The dialogue tells us it's been a week and that Ingrid is going to a deal closing ceremony. Ingrid tells him there are three slots for Partner at the firm, and she thinks it'll be her, him and Dan who get it.

Jeff agrees and hands her a gift - it's a pretty diamond necklace with a rose pendant, (which is a callback to Rosecliff, where they met). Ingrid is touched, but she's still sad that she hasn't patched things up with Rachel and Tyler. Jeff tells her to give them time and keep moving forward.

They talk about ambition and Jeff tells Ingrid she lives for the gold star. She asks Jeff about his parents' expectations. Jeff tells her that he was the parent. He cooked and took care of his little sisters. His mother was mentally unwell (it's implied she was an addict due to their circumstances and the abuse from his father) and she set fire to a picture of the two of them because she said it had demons in it.

I like getting some backstory for Jeff, but again it's all tell and no show. They could've given him any other backstory, and it wouldn't matter because it isn't reflected enough in his behaviour. In fact, I half-suspect he might be lying about everything. I just don't know.

It's not the actor's fault. The writers waited too long to give us anything to care about with Jeff. But even this just feels like a set-up for the inevitable implosion of their relationship by the finale.

I do like these two as a couple, sort of. Which surprises me, because I wanted to murder Jeff in episodes 1 through 4, and intermittently thereafter.

If this had been better written, we could've had a solid enemies to lovers story. I've found it easier to find gifs on Tumblr for Paralegal Justin and Rachel's love story than for either of Ingrid's love interests. The side pairing was getting more fandom attention than the love triangle the show based a chunk of its marketing on. Whoops.

[dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth]

Ok so my American friends. Y'know the Tony's (the awards for Broadway shows)?

My old neighbor, and childhood friend who babysat me growing up, is the producer for them this year.

Like this man is famous legit. Goes traveling around the world with famous magicians (I've personally met like several America's Got Talent magicians who'd won in previous years, I've met a world famous balloon artist comedian magician, I've met Jeff McBride, like they're all friends with my neighbor, and so I grew up with these folks). Hell. My neighbor would just do levitation illusions on me in the middle of my driveway as a kid sometimes.

About 10 years ago he went on to be a producer for the hidden magic TV show "The Carbonaro Effect". Michael was the doorman at my friend's wedding like 4-5 years ago. I got to meet with him and his husband that night. I went to one of his shows in 2019 as well, but his husband wasn't there because their cat was sick, so he stayed behind to care for it.

Anyway, yeah. Now my friend, he's fucking producing the Tony Awards on Broadway tonight. Matt Schick. Dude's incredible, super kind, and I'm sad I only get to see him like once or twice a year even though he doesn't live too far from me. He's always traveling, so when I go to the city, he's basically never there. If he were, I'd totally hop on the train sooner and go chill at his place a while before heading to whatever event it is I'm there for.

[ulkaralakbarova]

Five twenty-something friends spend a drug-fueled weekend in Cardiff, Wales. Credits: TheMovieDb. Film Cast: Jip: John Simm Koop: Shaun Parkes Nina: Nicola Reynolds Lulu: Lorraine Pilkington Moff: Danny Dyer Lee: Dean Davies Felix: Andrew Lincoln Moff’s Father: Terence Beesley Reality (voice): Jo Brand Andy: Richard Coyle Karen Benson: Jan Anderson Pablo Hassan: Carl Cox Fleur: Stephanie Brooks Howard Marks: Howard Marks Jip’s Mother: Helen Griffin Tyrone: Danny Midwinter Ziggy Marlon: Justin Kerrigan Hip Hop Junkie: Tyrone Johnson Koop’s Father: Larrington Walker Jip’s Manager: Philip Rosch Lulu’s Uncle Albert: Peter Albert Lulu’s Auntie Violet: Menna Trussler Jeremy Faxman: Mark Seaman Connie: Lynne Seymour Luke: Patrick Taggart Boomshanka: Anna Wilson Casey: Robert Marable Herbie: Nick Kilroy Matt: Peter Bramhill Moff’s Mother: Carol Harrison Moff’s Grandmother: Anne Bowen Martin: Giles Thomas Jip’s Ex #2: Sarah Blackburn Doctor: Eilian Wyn Asylum Doorman: Neil Bowens Jip’s Ex #3: Nicola Davey Inca: Roger Evans Tyler: Bradley Freegard Trixi: Emma Hall Jip’s Ex #1: Elizabeth Harper Jip’s Secretary: Jennifer Hill TV Interviewer: Nicola Heywood-Thomas Casey: Robert Marrable Cardiff Bad Boy: Louis Marriot Millsy From Roath: Millsy in Nottingham Karen Benson’s Boyfriend: Robbie Newby Tom Tom’s MC: Ninjah Jip’s Mother’s Client: Cadfan Roberts Koop’s Workmate: Mad Doctor X Bad Boy: Jason Samuels Breakdancer / Bodypopper: Tim Hamilton Bodypopper: Alicia Ferraboschi Bodypopper: Sherena Flash Bodypopper: Marat Khairoullin Bodypopper: Adam Pudney Bodypopper: Mark Seymore Bodypopper: Algernon Williams Bodypopper: Colin Williams Bodypopper: Frank Wilson Film Crew: Supervising Sound Editor: Glenn Freemantle Sound Editor: Tom Sayers Dialogue Editor: Gillian Dodders Casting Director: Sue Jones Additional Editing: Stuart Gazzard Associate Producer: Rupert Preston Producer: Allan Niblo Director: Justin Kerrigan Producer: Emer McCourt Co-Executive Producer: Michael Wearing Steadicam Operator: Paul Edwards Second Assistant Director: Marcus Collier Sound Re-Recording Mixer: Craig Irving Editor: Patrick Moore Director of Photography: Dave Bennett Costume Designer: Claire Anderson Original Music Composer: Matthew Herbert Set Dresser: Ed Talfan Sound Recordist: Martyn Stevens Production Coordinator: Andrea Cornwell Post Production Supervisor: Jackie Vance Post Production Coordinator: Claire Mason ADR Recordist: Sandy Buchanan Gaffer: Andrew Taylor Sound Re-Recording Mixer: Nicolas Le Messurier Script Supervisor: Laura Gwynne Assistant Sound Editor: Susan French Music Supervisor: Pete Tong Makeup & Hair: Kerry September First Assistant Director: Charlie Watson Post Production Supervisor: Maria Walker Second Assistant Director: Matthew Penry-Davey Assistant Editor: Amy Adams Foley Editor: Miriam Ludbrook Original Music Composer: Roberto Leite Storyboard Artist: Nick Kilroy Dialogue Editor: Keith Marriner Makeup Designer: Tony Lilley First Assistant Director: Emma Pounds Music Consultant: Arthur Baker Co-Executive Producer: Kevin Menton Electrician: Mark Hutchings Boom Operator: Jeff Welch Costume Assistant: Karen Mason Casting Director: Gary Howe Production Design: David Buckingham Co-Executive Producer: Nigel Warren-Green Executive Producer: Renata S. Aly Art Direction: Sue Ayton First Assistant Director: Hywel Watkins Third Assistant Director: Tivian Zvekan Location Manager: Peter Vidler Location Manager: Frank Coles Assistant Location Manager: Roland Mercer Focus Puller: Mike Chitty Clapper Loader: Ewan O’Brien Key Grip: David Hopkins Construction Manager: Martin Dawes Property Master: John C. Reilly Set Dresser: Riana Griffiths Art Department Assistant: Jacqui Puscher Storyboard Artist: Deena Mathews Costume Supervisor: Anne McManus Makeup & Hair: Hanna Coles Still Photographer: Hector Bermejo Unit Publicist: Jessica Kirsh Movie Reviews: zag: One of my favorite films of all time, its a period movie describing the young party goers of the UK in the 1990’s. It hits the nail on the head, the lov...