#jebediah schlatt the man that you are

[isolawildest]

FINAL VERSION (i forgot his freckles)

[conarcoin]

Expandedverse Character Bio - Connor

Full Name: Timekeeper Connor XD Schlatt

Species: Hedgehog shifter

Age: 18 (AF/FW era), 20 (SMPLive canon era), 36 (Post-canon DSMP era)

Pronouns: He/him

Gender: Trans man

Orientation: Bisexual (no preference)

ISFJ 9w1, True Neutral

A hedgehog shifter originating from Dream SMP, created when XD took a liking to a normal hedgehog and decided to turn it into a humanoid to watch over timelines. Was raised into the job of timekeeper, didn't really want it so ran off to SMPLive on his 18th birthday. Only returned to Dream SMP on his husband's request.

Awkward and somewhat skittish, will stick to anyone he knows closely. Can easily manipulate situations if needed. Retains his time travel capabilities.

Now aligns himself with the Anarchist Syndicate, and has managed to succeed in reviving his late husband, who begrudgingly sticks with the Syndicate despite disagreeing with their values.

Family:

XD (creator/"adoptive father")

Jebediah Schlatt (husband)

Skipper Schlatt (daughter)

Ty Support-Schlatt (adoptive son)

Grunk Schlatt (adoptive son)

Captain Puffy Schlatt (sister-in-law)

Other notable relationships:

Karl Jacobs-Halo (new timekeeper)

Niki Nihachu (trusted friend)

Additional notes under cut:

Trans identity is complicated - prior to XD finding him he had no real concept of gender since it's a human social construct. XD gave his humanoid form a stereotypically feminine name and appearance based on physicality which Connor didn't appreciate, and XD is really weird about being wrong so that was one of the big conflicts that led to Connor leaving.

In SMPL, sells ice at Spawn City in addition to running Schlatt & Co. Has a brief rivalry with Cooper over this.

Turns into a hedgehog when extremely frightened or overwhelmed.

Has a lot of animalistic traits beyond what you would typically see in a hybrid due to his weird status as a transformed animal. Most of his body language involves his ears, as well as his quills, which make up his "hair" and run down the back of his neck.

Skipper was... Not planned. It's a bit of a long story. She was born in early SMPLive era and would be about 13 or so in post-canon DSMP. (I mainly just wanted an excuse to make a Schlonnor fankid because my mutuals had really cute DSMP fankids and I wanted in. She'll probably get her own bio eventually.)

Uses rings to time travel by bending the fabric of reality to create time portals. His time travel abilities are kind of inspired by a mix of the rings used as portals in various Sonic media as well as the time travel mechanics of Sonic CD.

[nex-has-gender-envy]

Why become God when I can kill one

[memer-the-miner]

okay hear me out

techzlatt going shopping and loosing techno ends with many cuddles? 🙇‍♂️

YO I GOT YOU!!!! Story below the cut, its not that long but still long enough. Sorry if there are any grammar things.

“Alright my loves, time for the most difficult job yet,” Phil huffed out as he held three pieces of paper in his hand.

Next to him Techno gave him a nervous glance, on the other side Schlatt fiddled anxiously with his sleeves.

Phil shoved a copy of the list into each of his lovers hands. Each scanned their own copy thoroughly. 

“Are you sure about this, Angel?” Techno asked, putting a hand on his husband’s shoulder. Phil sighed and nodded.

 “We will get everything on this shopping list even if it kills us,” he exclaimed, trudging forward into the supermarket, Schlatt and Techno following behind.

The three made their way into the product filled maze, the tall walls overwhelmingly full. Beside them were both humans and hybrids that tried to navigate the aisles, nabbing any shiny item that nabs their attention as they pass. Each grabbed a cart and stared in awe at the displays that surrounded them. Phil shook himself out of his stupor and turned to the other two.

“Remember boys, focus on your parts of the list. Grab what you can and meet back here in half an hour,” Phil said. Techno nodded as Schlatt gave a mock salute.

With that each set off in a different direction. Phil went to the dairy filled fridges beside the shelves covered in fruits and vegetables. Double checking the list, Phil added his list of fruits and vegetables to the cart, making sure to add extra potatoes. He even did a quick look around to see if he could find anything he knew the others would like. As the thirty minutes came to a close Phil wandered back over to the starting point where he saw Schlatt was already waiting, his cart filled with bird seed and other pet foods. 

“Find everything?” Phil asked moving closer and checking his partner’s cart.

“Yup,” Schlatt replied, popping the ‘p’. “Even found an extra large bag of bird seed for your crows.” Phil gave him an appreciative kiss on the cheek as they waited for Techno.

Standing there, seconds turned to minutes as the two realized Techno was still nowhere to be seen. 

“Should we go look for him?” Schlatt asked, leaning on his cart. Phil nodded.

“Maybe we should leave the carts here though,” The two asked the nearest employee to simply watch over their carts while they looked for their lover. The man gave a sluggish nod but Phil assured it wouldn’t take long. Schlatt led the way as Phil peaked around corners and aisles looking for the piglin. 

When they finally made it to the area Techno was supposed to be in, both saw that there wasn’t a trace of the piglin anywhere. They then began to look in the neighboring aisles to see if he had simply got distracted. However neither found the piglin, nor evidence that he had gone through. 

The two began to get more and more panicked as they looked all over the store, even going back to their meeting place to see if Techno showed up.

“Maybe we should just call him,” Schlatt supplied to Phil with a reassuring hand on his back. However, Phil could tell from how his hand shook that the ram-hybrid was just as panicked as he was.

Phil shook his head. “He doesn’t have his phone on him remember, it broke last week and we haven’t gotten a replacement yet.” The avian-hybrid looked over as Schlatt’s faux composure began to unravel. Schlatt's breath got shorter as he began to mumble the what-ifs that plagued his brain.

“Oh gods what if he got hurt, or he was kidnapped or-“ Schlatt’s ramble was cut off as an announcement came over the speakers.

“Mr. Philza Minecraft, Mr. Jebediah Schlatt, we have your child here at customer service. I repeat Mr. Philza Minecraft and Mr. Jebediah Schlatt we have a lost child requesting for you”

“We hAve A cHiLd?” Schlatt wheezed out in confusion as Phil dragged him over to the customer service desk.

The two rushed over to the desk and saw, standing awkwardly to the side, cart in hand, their lover. At their disheveled appearance, Techno gave an uncomfortable laugh. 

“I may have gotten lost,” he admitted.

A laugh burst out of Phil in relief as Schlatt reprimanded Techno for giving him a heart attack. All three of them apologized to the employees who laughed it off saying it happens more than expected. 

Phil led the way back to where they left their carts, Schlatt following closely behind, refusing to let go of Techno’s hand. When they made it back, they were shocked to find that their carts and all of their groceries had been put away. 

Schlatt called out for the employee they spoke to previously. “What happened to our things?” He asked as politely as he could. The man shrugged and turned away before Schlatt could inquire further.

Phil let out a groan, Techno giving him a pat on the back with his free hand. Schlatt let out a string of curses, and from Techno’s wince, Phil could tell that he had tightened his grip.

“Y'know what,” Phil stood up straight and turned fully to his partners. “Forget it,  we can come back another day for the rest of the groceries,” he grabbed Techno’s cart and pushed it into the nearest self checkout.

They made quick work of scanning before paying and rushing into the parking lot and piling into Schlatt’s car. The drive home was barely quiet as Schlatt grumbled about ‘needing a protocol for lost boyfriends’. Techno offered to bring in the groceries as an apology, which Phil and Schlatt accepted without hesitation.

Phil collapsed onto the couch and listened as Schlatt and Techno put away the products they managed to buy. Sitting quietly and letting his thoughts take over, his intrusive thoughts of fear and danger raised into his mind. The anxiety of almost losing Techno amplified the unspoken worries tenfold. Phil felt the couch shift as Techno sat down next to him.

The avian sat up and looked at his husband. Without sharing a word, Phil pressed his face into the piglin’s chest, hugging him tightly. Techno hugged back but adjusted his grip as Schlatt joined them. The piglin nuzzled their heads with his snout, his deep breaths calming Phil down.

The three lovers cuddled throughout the night as they silently told each other how much they loved one another.

[visualbasicscript]

please please tell me about it !!!

OK SO

There's honestly so many different ways you could take combining mcyt and hlvrai because there's So Much MCYT like you could squeeze a science team dynamic out of any 5 mcyts and the original one made by the gc of people who liked mcyt and hlvrai at the time had it like gordon/wilbur benrey/eret or something but I'm gonna go with my favourite sbi one because I'm predictable and I like sbi so it isn't really mcyt hlvrai more like sbivrai but ANYWAY it goes

gordos feetman - tommyinnit

bipple boper beny - wilbur

dr harold coomer phd - phil

bubye - techno

tommy bahamas - tubbo

and then there's schlatt as gman because heehoo dadschlatt reference and also he's the only one who would wear a suit tie and still fistfight wilbur soot

darnold is? since I'm going with sbi/dsmp centric for this combination darnold and forzen are Hard because they're such good characters and not many people play a Massive Pussy ok so no offense to ranboo but while I was writing this I realised he'd fit perfectly for darnold and maybe even dream wastaken himself would work for Boots Beyblade

if this was as dsmp characters then it'd be foolish darnold and sap 'pig eating pig' nap would be forzen but it's not so ENOUGH ABT THEM

tommy was fun because there was this one half life chapter where the other people who were like Using The HEV suits and training to use them in experiments actually existed and I thought that was cool so I stole that. tommy is a mystery Young age and has been at the actual black mesa site for like half a day to test out the training hev suit which is red for the biggest size and is still Way Too Fucking Small For Him so he doesnt have most of the black mesh plates and just the actual armor pieces over his dumb basketball shirt and it's great. he shows up goes howdy and Touches Shit He Should Not Touch trying to fight mr soot and Res Cas happens. in meta a lot of the bits where wayne is talking to chat isn't cut out so sometimes he'll be like Yo I Just Shot That Guy Poggers In Chat and techno will stare at him like he's insane but wil might play along sometimes

wilburs eldritch stuff is a lot more Low Key and more 'you wish you were inmortal like me bitchboy' like he's just being an asshole cause he hasn't been hit yet but no he is just immortal. it's the same dynamic of I hate you but you are also a Little Funny but please die it's good it's great think that one gorgeous freeman 'jackass'. gorgeous freeman is weird ANYWAYS

tubbo,,, he's tommy even though he's tubbo get it get it funny haha anyways he's very much Tommy Bahamas Coolatta just freakishly shorter, the same gun safety and being the only reliable motherfucker there though the gun safety is played off more as intentionally fucking w tommy and also one thing I'm really proud of is sunkist is a bee named Ribena Ri-bee-na I'm so cool it's great ribena is like a british soft drink it's a staple here but it fits perfectly

COOMER is phil old man old bitch his tones less energetic except for when he's dishing out his Video Game Lines but he's still the violent senior citizen w love not much else to say other than his wife is still current and maybe an alien based off the vortiguant name who knows the underground boxing ring is an anime fanclub

bubbbbyyyyyyyyyyy mr feelgood mr professor is technoblade his stuck up 'i have studied the blade' 'you must train for 100 years' potato war attitude is amped up to 100 for bubby, still v dramatic. there's a whole gag where because techno keeps making so many gd pig puns and his dumb curtain fringe looks like pig ears tommy and a little more knowingly wilbur joke that bubby is the result of an experiment where black mesa turned pigs into humans partially unaware that that's fucking EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

gman is mr jebediah schlatt who timefreezes for chats a lot more because this science team is a lot more incompetent and also because he's a massive bitch who just wants to snark at tommy while he waits for them to get to xen and the psn scene is replaced with hotpocket scene because it's my favourite wilbur and schlatt monologue while tommys banging his head into the wall waiting for time to move OH AND THE BIRTHDAY PARTY WAS IN NO WAY PLANNED at the very last minute he grabs them out of xen like 'FUCK I FORGOT ITS TUBBOS BIRTHDAY MY SUPERIORS ARE GONNA KILL ME OK PLEASE COME PLEASE COME ILL KILL YOU IF YOU DONT JUST HURRY CMON BIRTHDAY TIME' because that's hilarious

and because I've now just thought abt it ranbers is darnold and he's almost exactly the same except he's a little more self aware outside of devil gun mode and asks tommy abt chat which is like 'oh what the fuck' moment

ok the end maybe more soon I just rushed this because I am thinking thoghtuhghts

[iwant-fuitgummi]

i found the page with all of schlatt’s aliases (the bolded ones are my favorites)

i’m so sorry

Schlatt

Jchlatt the Bi-Guy

My Drug Dealer

Schlagg

The Man of Steel

Logan from Big Time Rush

The PVP God

Schlatticus

Schlatticus Maximus

Jaylor Schwift

Jamaica Schlattville

Jay Scott

Big Hot Man

J Money

Jschlitt

Schlitt

Jshroud

JenocideSchlatt

Ladical

Parkinsons

NutSchlack

Schlurp

Jschlattos Basculus

Jslapmynuts

Work Guy

Wheels

Chrome Guy

Flying Man

Flight Man

Pence Man

Jack Frost

The Winner

Sun Rise Guy

Mr. Fortnite

Monitor Man

Mr. Goop

A p p l e man

Dropper Dude

Button Man

Ladder Man

Blades

Build Boy

Build Man

Build Bob

Mr Windex

Jstal

jschloot

Water Man

Mr SMP Live

King of Tekkit

Tekkit Man

GaySchlatt

Jschlong

The Cuck Shed Man

Jslat

Homewrecker

Jshmuck

Flap-Schlatt

The Lawnmower

Gay

Gayshat

The Parkour God

Funny Mic

The Parkour Prince

Mr Cobble

Schlett (British accent)

Mr Cobblestone

Eagle Eyes

Bladez

Breaker of Chains

Jesus H Christ

Gay Shart

The Bread Man

One half of the Hexxit Hebrew

Hackerman

Fifty Mick

Mr Minecraft

Mr Business

Greek Philosopher

Nice Catch 2

Twisty Neck

Sch

Slut

Gay Slut

Sack Schlatt

Sweatyballs

Wilbur's Pretty Princess

Wilbur Schlatt From Schlatt House

Bukowski

Islam

Nice Shot

Adolf Schlattler

Jason Schlatum

Mr Skid

Schlattdoesminecraft

Nacho Libre

SchlittleStick

FatSchlatt

JizzSlurp

Pokiman

JFK

Jacob Schlatt

Jgorsh

Nostalgia Critic

Cosby

Justin Trudeau

JMcChill

Schlattbama

Chuck

ProJschlatt

Joseph Stalin

Sea Cock

Schlattorious

Shlunk

Jamie Hyneman

Jefferey Epstein

Wilbur

Carson

Joko

Fitz

The Misschlatts

AntVenom

Technoblade

Alinity

ConnorEatsPants

ConarEatPant

Joebunga

Precum

Asianschlatt

Cumschlatt

Joe Jonas

Johnny Sins

Dad

Jay Hatt

Pewdiepie

Roll Man

Sea Salt

Semen

The Amazing Grapist

A Homo-Sexual

JUULSchlatt

2 Scoops

Smokestack

70 Nic (previously known as 50 Nic)

Jondar Shit

Wall Man

Mail Man

The Man with a Plan

Yes Papa

Furry

Jebediah

Jebediah Schlatt

Word Smith

Texas Instruments

Beethoven

Metronome

Colonel Sanders

Logan paul

JFLAT

JSOUP

No Plan Andy

Nice Catch

Yes

Jackie Robinson's Golden Boy

Wordsmith

Shit

Jshit

Jshat

Scat, Baby

Cat-Flap

VOICEOVERPETEACE

SwaggerSouls

James Charles

Schlonic the Hedgehog

Uh Oh

Noob Pooper

Terraria Man

Big Guy

New Guy

Counter Strike Man

Mr. Moustache Man

Mr. Rabbid

The Age of Empires

Jschalf

Man

Hot Gay Man

Sinus Infection

One Tablet Twice a Day

Hospital

Little girl

Your Man

POOPOOMAN

Dan Schneider

Jschlutt

The Sword Man

Jonathan Schlatt

Tiny Dick Man

Tiny Dick Boy

Nintey Thousand Dollars In Debt

The Horned Cuck

SheepBitch

WilberSoot

Traves

God

Mr Health and Safety

Jeff Bezos

El Presidente

Man of Steel

The Inventor of Loud = Funny

Secretary of Steel

Bilingual

Jimmy Neutron

Magic Fingers

Two in a Row

Two Piece

Floyd Mayweather

Addict

Dyin' Bryan

Mr. 8 Ball

Double Time

Doctor Shakey Jones

Shakey Bones

Shakey

Issac Newton

the Pool Boy

House Man

The Man Behind The Slaughter

Sword Man

The Fruit Ninja

Master Oogway

Gayass

Tony Hawk

The Hole In One Man

Larry the Lobster

Pablo Picasso

Power Plant

Power Point

Mr. Minecraft

Mr. Serotonin

Mr. Twitch

The Blade Runner

Lightning McQueen

Gongaga

Misfits

The Ebay Man

an eboy

Hook Line and Sinker

The Fisherman

The Hook Man

The Pacifier (starring Vin Diesel)

Renaissance Man

Inspector Gadget

Katniss Everdeen

Balls of Fury

The Night Owl

The North Tower

WordHunt

Luigi

Beyblade

Mr.Mutton Chops

Captain Price

The Deity

The Curator

The Steel Toe

The Foot Man

The Shit and Cum Man

Warrior

The God of Yoga

The Human Hula Hoop

The God of Wii Fit

Scott Slanders

'J for Joe Rogan' Schlatt

Mr Hands

Misfits Schlatt

Dick and Balls Man

SpaceX

Spitshine

Ricardo

S c h l a t t

Swiss Army Knife

Rbx

Scat Man

Manny from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (so true)

Nice Catch

Gerund Gerald

The Rollercoaster Man

Mr. Cock and Penis

JFK (The J stands for Jschlatt)

The Hooker

Sunrise Guy

The Cat Whisperer

Trump

The Dicktator

The President o7

White boy

Gay boy

Flat

JFK’s Sister

Piss Boy

Bill Boy

Jerk Off

Thee Dick Cock Sucking Lover Boy

Thee Dick Cock Sucking Lover Man

Sunrise man

GaySchlatt

Mr. President

Jebediah Schlatt

Cripple

Bisexual

rammy (bad, very bad)

Hot

Schlattina

rort

me

verified guy

unverified guy

Jschlatt le stroke

Locker room dick sucker

Everyone’s fave white boy

Mr i hide in drug vans

Drunkschlatt

goatschlatt

the official goat

unverified goat man

verified goat man

goaty

supreme drug overlord

depressed </3

upload on theweeklyslap you cunt

cotton looking ass drug dealer

man in my window

cardiac arrest

foot cream lickere

hot garbage on my ceiling

the

inbred missisipi schlatt

Darth Schlagg

Schluddle

Relief

Schlurt

Schlong