#jean jacket ryan my beloved

[hoperays-song]

Quick Drawing of Human AU Graffiti Artist Ryan

[queencatherynerhys]

The Fighter - Chapter 6

A/N: I’ve had this published in Wattpad for a while now. I just have been too lazy to publish it here. Sorry. I just got back into being active this week when editing my Masterlist.

Summary: The more time America spent in the palace, the more she can’t control the memories that she’s buried deep within years ago.

Tags: @devineinterventions2 @madaraism @theroyalweisme @drakewalkerwhipped @drakesfiance @hhiggs @hellospunkiebrewster @alicars @mrswalkerreynolds @mfackenthal @simplyaiden-blog @hopefulmoonobject @blackcatkita @cocomaxley @boneandfur @lizeboredom @crayziimaginations @umccall71 @zarina-x-zig @writtenbycandy @ranishajay @heatherfilliez @drakelover78 @indiacater @pens-girl-87 @katurrade @speedyoperarascalparty @greyeyedsmile14 @barbaravalentino @zilch3 @mynameiskaylabella @darley1101 @blznbaby @trashbagfullofflannels @bella-ca @highlyselectiveextrovert *I just used my usual tag list. Let me know if you want to be taken off if you don’t want to receive notifications about this story. Also let me know if you want to be added.*

Marlee hugs me for quite some time until it gets a little uncomfortable. I debate whether cutting it short, but I understand the reason why she was hugging me for so long. I missed her, too, but I haven't had this kind of personal interaction in six years and it's my impulse to push away. One cannot afford to be vulnerable in this line of work.

"Um, Marlee, you're crushing me," I lie to get her off me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, America. I just missed you so much. I don't get why you left or why you lied to everyone saying that you were dead," tears begin to form on the corners of her blue eyes.

"I missed you, too, Marlee, believe me. But please you must promise me you will never call me America again. No one can know who I am. It's safer for you, for everyone and for me. Promise me, Marlee." I ignore her curiosity for now. I simply have too many worries in mind to answer her inquiries about why I left.

"I promise, Amer-, Scarlet. Sorry," she corrects herself and I nod my approval.

"Now, I'm sure the royal family is waiting impatiently for my arrival to breakfast, so I must go. If you wish to know more, you can come by later tonight and I will disclose what I can about what happened in the last six years," I sound so distant and I hate myself for not being able to talk to Marlee like I used to, but this is the way it has to be. I can't allow myself to get close to her, to anyone. I have to remind myself that I've made my choice. I chose this life of solitary, of loneliness, for the happiness of everyone I love and that includes her.

I look at Marlee and she nods before leaving the room. I grab and put on my black leather bomber jacket and tuck my gun in its permanent home in the back waistband of my pants before heading down to the Great Hall. I decide to search for James on my way to inform him of the breach in our security. I find my loyal secretary doing a perimeter check with one of the palace guards and I whistle to catch his attention.

He walks towards me and I drag him to a remote part of the hall without guards or staff to hear our conversation.

"We have a breach in security. Marlee Tames knows my identity. Now before you scold me, I didn't tell her, she just figured it out. She was always the smart, observant one. Find her, instruct her of the proper protocol and measures that must be put in place since she has top secret information. When you're done, report back to me. Can I trust you with this, James?" I ask him.

"Of course, Scar. Why even bother asking? You can trust me with anything, you know that."

"I know. I just needed to hear you say it. Thank you, by the way, for not scolding me about someone recognizing me."

"You're welcome. I figured you're already doing that for me. But I am still strongly suggesting that we leave and let our Fennley team handle this mess. What if more people start recognizing you? What if he recognizes you? What then?" He asks. It's a fair question. I can't have him knowing or figuring out who I am, but I also can't leave without knowing he'll be safe. I can't leave without keeping my personal promise.

"A valid question, but you already know my answer. I am not leaving. Not without ensuring his safety. Especially with our prisoner lurking two stories beneath my feet." I confirm yet again.

He huffs in defeat, "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"If something happens to go awry, you can be the first to tell me 'I told you so'. But right now, we should really head to the dining room." With that, I start my path to the eating space with James beside me.

As we reach the door, I take a deep, calming breath to center and ready myself to face my past. To face the person who has haunted my days and nights. There's no turning back, Scarlet, I thought to myself. I release the breath I was holding and begin to reach for the door handle when the guard posted by the grand entrance interferes, "Allow me, miss."

I nod. After six years of opening my own doors, I was taken aback by the formality, but I have to get used to that for this short period of time. He opens the door and the familiarity of the room rushes back to the forefront. Many memories of eating with the royal family and the elite in this very room. Oh, how naïve I was to think that my life was complicated, then. How I'd give anything to be back in those simple times. Times when I could be America again and sing my days away. Sadly, those days are long gone. They must stay gone. For the sake of the one person that sits in this room.

The lavishness and grandeur of the dining room amazes me to this day. It's nothing compared to the massive U-shaped dining table we sat on the very first day of the selection. This dining room is smaller, more informal, intended solely for private dinners between the members of the royal family. When the Selection was narrowed down to the Elite, this was the place we ate. I hear the faint whispers and laughter from distant, buried memories. I feel James' light nudge pulling me out of my recollection.

"Well, well, we were beginning to think you weren't coming to join us. If it were left to me, we would've eaten a few minutes ago, but my lovely wife insisted we wait," the king states in a rude tone.

I learned a long time ago how to not react to childish remarks even if they came from a person with such a high rank in Illéa's hierarchy. America, the old me, would've scowled at that, I'm sure. Instead, I curtsy to the direction of the queen, "Thank you, Queen Amberly." The king notices my ignorance and I am almost positive I will receive the back end of that decision later.

I take my place on one of the chairs on the side of the table facing Princess Kriss. King Clarkson and Queen Amberly sits on opposing sides facing each other on the head of the table with Kriss to the right of the queen and the prince to the king's left.

As the servers begin their task of bringing food, Queen Amberly acknowledges me, "Miss Ryan, please kindly invite your..."

I realize the queen doesn't know my relation to James and I quickly reply, "James."

"Your...James to come and eat with us." I obey and whistle for James, who was just beginning to make his way to the door after making sure I was safe.

He turns around and we do our silent conversation.

Come and sit down, I say.

Is that appropriate? He silently asks.

The queen asks for it.

Are you sure?

Would you just sit the hell down!

Alright, alright!

It's not like the bastard king will bite. At least he won't in front of his wife.

He laughs with his eyes.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," James bows before taking his place beside me on the dining table across from the beloved prince. I glance at Maxon for the briefest of moments before concentrating on the meal set in front of me. Eggs, bacon, toast with a fresh cup of orange juice. It's been more than 3 years since I sat down to have a proper breakfast. Usually my morning routine included me taking my meal to work and getting a head start toward my long day of running a clandestine organization. Also, my work allows me to forget my horrible nights.

I slowly dig into my plate, savoring the quality of food in the palace. Since becoming director, I am blessed to have a decent life. Still, there's still a distinct difference in palace living and the rest of Illéa.

The quiet buzzes of hushed voices fill my ear, but I don't really try to comprehend what they are saying, too focused on my worries. I tear myself away from my internal concerns to see a maid set a plate of strawberry tarts placed before me. Distant memories immediately bombard me. Instinctively, I reach for James' hand underneath the table. He knows every detail of my past, the selection.                  

                  He looks into my eyes and know the predicament I am in as he sees the pastries in front of me. He squeezes my hand as I recall one of the earliest memories I have of the Selection.

Our first meal with the handsome, celebrated Prince Maxon. I was contently minding my own business eating delicious strawberry tarts when the precious royal thought it would be funny to single me out.

"Lady America?" I looked at him, shock clearly written all over my face and a mischievous smirk in his as if it was his plan all along to address me just when my mouth was filled with food.

I hurriedly chew and reply, "Yes, Your Majesty?" No doubt my face was as red as my hair from the embarrassment he was so clearly amused by.

"How are you enjoying the food?" His facial expression clearly said that he was enjoying the sight of making me look and act like a fool.

I explained how the food was excellent and my sister, May, would cry if she had these strawberry tarts. And as if he found that information amusing, he beamed with a smile as he continued to make a bet with me. If my sister cried, I made a barter that I would be allowed to wear jeans instead of the stuffy dresses we are mandated to wear. If he won, I would have to go on a date with him.

I was confident I knew my sister well enough to win, so I agreed. As if fate had other plans, I lost.

Looking back on how my life had completely gone off the rails, I wish I could back to the girl who had the audacity to knee the prince in the groin. I wish that my nightmares would cease. I wish I would stop seeing the face of all those I've lost when I closed my eyes. I wish the screams I hear in my head would silence themselves. I wish to not have the scars I carry on my body from the torture I've had to endure from the last six year. Most of all, I wish to be in the place of the woman that sat in front of me. The one who held Maxon's heart in their hands. The one he called his wife, his love, his world.

[illshowyourhurricanes]

A Familiar Face (Part 3)

This chapter isn’t quite as long as others, but when reader invites Ryan over for a home-cooked meal, they’re in for a huge surprise.

Rating: PG

Word count: 1637

Tags are at the below. If you’d like to be added to my tag list, just send a request my way.

Tagging: @dylanobrusso @obscurilicious @the-blind-assassin-12 @something-tofightfor @ms-delos @madamrogers @lexxirave

Enjoy!

It had become a running theme.

Since the first day Ryan had accepted your offer for a cup of coffee and reprieve from the cold, he'd stopped by the diner fairly frequently, sometimes for a drink and sometimes for a full-on breakfast (eggs over easy, toast for dipping, bacon and home fries). Every time he visited, he left a tip. Every time you met him on the streets, whether a crowd of people had convened or he was playing for his own ears only, you'd return the tip by dropping it into his guitar case. Sometimes you'd pause and the two of you would share smiles; other times, you'd walk by without a look in his direction, as if nothing had happened.

The morning was unforgivably cold, and the last thing you wanted to do was pull on layer over layer of clothing and venture out. It was the first full day you'd had off in a week, and staying in, dressed in sweats and fuzzy socks and snuggled beneath warm blankets with mug after mug of tea sounded like heaven. Unfortunately, however, you didn't have much of a choice. Your pantry and refrigerator both looked sad.

Your internal clock woke you up early and by the time most people were rushing off to make it to their nine-to-five, you had locked up your apartment and stepped into the frigid, bone-chilling cold. There was an urgency to your step; you wanted to get to the supermarket as soon as possible-- you could thaw out in the freezer section-- but if you made a slight detour, you could see Ryan, and maybe, just maybe, gloat. You weren't working. He couldn't return your tip.

Smiling to yourself, you hadn't had to think twice about the route you'd take.

Bypassing him at first, your head down, you made your way to the diner and, with a few 'Good morning's, poured a hot cup of coffee. You didn't stick around, but instead crossed the street and made a beeline for Ryan's usual spot on the bench he occupied most days.  He was strumming a soft melody, his breath visible in short puffs, and your heart thudded heavily in your chest.

His jacket could not be considered a coat by any means, and though he had a scarf wrapped around his neck, it didn't seem very warm. The khaki hat he wore was nothing more than thin, worn material. It tug at your heartstrings, the knowledge that he was so cold.

"Good morning." You wasted no time as you came to a stop in front of him, coffee in hand. "I thought you could use this."

As you held out the warm coffee, tiny tendrils of smoke escaping from the plastic top, Ryan looked up at you in surprise. His eyes were so warm, you barely felt the cold anymore.

He grinned slowly, a boyish grin you found yourself longing to see, and soon the smile overtook his face.  He was all teeth and perhaps, even a small hint of a dimple. The dark eyes that held all his quiet demeanor wouldn't allow him to reveal aloud crinkled at the edges. You had drawn a full, genuine happiness out of him in that moment, just by something simple as a hot coffee.

In one simple movement, he released the neck of his guitar and let the curve of the instrument rest over his thigh. "Y/N, you really didn't have--"

"I wanted to," you interrupted, stuffing your gloved hands into your pockets. The familiar aroma wafted between the two of you as you offered him the cup. "I really just wanted to come over here to gloat. I'm not working today. No work, no tip exchange." You paused as he held the cup in both hands, warming his fingers. "I thought a coffee might soften the blow."

You smiled and he laughed, a low, deep rumble in his throat. "You gotta go back sometime." Raising the cup tentatively to his lips, he took a slight sip. "Why are you out on a day like this if you don't have to be?"

Your conversations were still fairly light and quite impersonal. Still, they were coming easier; it wasn't so difficult to draw words from Ryan anymore.

"A necessary evil in the name of food. All I've got to eat is stale bagels."

Hesitating for a moment, you shifted your weight and looked down at your booted feet. "This is the type of weather that begs for a hot meal," you continued, forcing yourself to raise your gaze to his face. "How do you feel about lasagna?" Before he could answer, you went on, rambling a bit. "It's my specialty, and it would be a shame to make an entire lasagna for one."

You stopped talking then, mostly out of fear that you sounded too presumptuous. So he came into the diner. He humored you with conversation and indulged you in a simple, sweet, cute game . He was a friendly guy... one you caught yourself wondering about far more often than you should. When was the last time he'd had a hot meal?

There was amusement in Ryan's dark eyes-- the darkest you'd ever seen, almost black in color-- but there was also a trace of wonder there.  And then, he gifted you with a smile. "Show me your secret recipe and I won't be able to resist taste-testin'."

Your face broke out in a look of anticipation, light in your eyes and a return of his smile. Narrowing your eyes in mock-suspicion, you eyed Ryan carefully as he drank from the coffee you'd brought him. "How do I know I can trust you?"

                                               *    *    *

There was literally nothing else for you to do before Ryan came for dinner. You'd tidied up your apartment-- you were a little OCD about clutter, so it hadn't been too bad in the first place-- and had done about all you could do with the lasagna besides baking it. The garlic bread you'd planned to make to go with the entree was buttered and sprinkled with seasoning, and that wasn't exactly something you could cook in advance.

You'd made quick plans with Ryan before heading to the grocery store, offering to meet him where he tended to play and walk back with him.  He had suggested that you meet around 7:00, which was perfect-- it was dusk by then, and he'd be packing up his things for the night. You made a mental note to arrive a few minutes early, just to stand by and hear a song or two without any need to rush. There were a few stragglers passing by, so bundled up against the cold it was nearly impossible to tell one from another. You'd hoped there would at least be a small crowd of people gathered, if only so you could stand behind a person or two and watch unseen.

It wasn't in the cards, however, and you stopped about a yard to the left of his usual bench, admiring the view. You noticed once again how his hair was overgrown at the back of his neck, how it curled behind his ears; the slight hunch of his shoulders and total ease with the guitar in his lap. It was far beyond your understanding how his fingers could move so fluidly and effortlessly in the cold, how he managed to sing the way he did, day after day, without being hoarse or getting a sore throat.

As his song grew to a close, you began to walk toward him, applauding as you did so. Drawing your hand out of your pocket, you dropped some cash into his guitar case to add to the tip money you'd given back that morning.

"I am merely a passerby who appreciated your entertainment," you said quickly with a wink, and before he could protest. "Innocent and thanking you by both the traditional way," you gestured to the guitar case he was setting his beloved instrument in, "And one that's not so traditional: dinner."

Ryan was wearing  a smile as you went on talking. Brushing his hands off on the thighs of his jeans, his eyes were trained on you. "You're really something else. Anyone ever told you that before, Y/N?"

You waited as he pulled on his pack and lifted his guitar case. "Nope. Never. Not once."

The two of you made the walk back to your apartment seem even shorter just by making small talk. You told him about some of the regulars at the diner; he told you about some of his old musician friends. 

"You're officially my first musician friend. Believe it or not, there aren't many--" Stopping short, you were just a yard away from your apartment when you noticed the door. It was slightly ajar, and you knew for a fact that you had closed and locked the place when you'd left. You were the type to double-check. Ryan stopped suddenly as you did, making the connection from your eyes to the door. "

You lock your apartment, Y/N?" His voice was low, quiet, and almost threatening in a sense.

"Yeah, always," you answered, and you looked up to him, drawing in a deep, shaky breath before you began hesitantly walking toward your door. Ryan was quick to catch up, his eyes unwavering from the door in case someone tried to run.

"Lemme go in first, check the place out. You stay by my side once we're in."

You nodded, your feeling as if you were moving underwater; it seemed exceedingly difficult to move, your brain unable to string words together. Your heart racing in panic, your froze just inches behind Ryan as he pushed your door the rest of the way open.

Your apartment had been ransacked.

[fal-carrington]

Love Will Tear Us Apart Pt.2

Pairing: VictoriaxMc

Gender: Slightly Angst/heartbreaking filled with romance

@jellymonster @lovechoices @alexandralabhont @torifontaine @rudeassmonkey65 @psychopathdreamer21 @abunchofbadchoices @gayfontaine @zoe6111 @delphinusbae @choicesfannatalie @rubyheartjane

A/N: Hi everybody, today I was inspired and I decided to write this. The idea popped into my mind as I was replaying the last chapter of RCD's book 2 when Victoria admits being in love with MC, and MC alternately rejects her, so Victoria says "Don’t say anything else please. If you get there... Amazing. If you don’t... I still think having you in my life has been for the best”

Prompt: Falling in love with your best friend and seeing her date someone else can be painful, especially when you do not admit your feelings to her for fear of losing her and being rejected. That was what Victoria thought, but that was before her agent called with an unexpected offer. When Victoria and Kat have to act as lovers in Thomas Hunt's new series, things can turn out to be disastrous, would Victoria finally admit the truth when she's about to kiss her best friend for the first time on a TV show? Somebody is going to get out of this with a broken heart?

Months later

“...AND ACTION!”

"You know perfectly well that we can not let the police find Frederick's body." Ryan Summers in his character James Scott, New Orleans' most famous thief, looked earnestly into Victoria's eyes which in response received a cold glance from her character, Selina Di Santis the mafia's badass queen, rolled her eyes.

"... I'm not joking around, Scott." Victoria paced the room in long, slow strides. "I know what's at stake."

"Our necks," Ryan said between his teeth.

"My reputation. One of the city's crime leaders is dead, which means there's blood in the water and the sharks will come for us."

"The police." Ryan sighed.

"You're not as dumb as you look." Victoria nodded.

"It's only a matter of minutes before they come. Agent Russo has come to you?"

"No, but she'll come." Victoria smiled presumptuously, folding her arms. "... And when she arrive, I'll be prepared for it."

"... And cut!" Hunt's voice sounded from the set. Ryan and Victoria turned to the director. "That was formidable, Victoria and Ryan. Let's take a twenty-minute break and pick up the scene with Kat and Victoria." Victoria and Ryan nodded and headed off on different paths, she opted to go back to her trailer and do her makeup and hair, to recite her next lines.

She sighed as she returned to the comfort of her trailer, pulling out of her heels and sitting on her couch. Kat should probably be doing the same in her trailer, she always stayed a little longer to concentrate better. That day, Victoria saw her for a few minutes, Kat kissed her cheek and said she was excited to record their scene together.

It had been a few months since the show had been made. Hunt was more than proud of the work the two were producing together. Apparently when it aired the first episode of the series, the fans were crazy and the most beloved couple in the series were the characters of Victoria and Kat, the fans loved the couple. The chemistry between the two actresses was so strong that it made all scenes even more real, adding to all that repressed love and hate between special agent sweetheart Russo and the villainous owner of an empire formed by gangsters and death, Di Santis.

Victoria was grateful for the success that the show was making, with all that success and attention that her character and Kat's received, she could not help but wonder how close they both had been. On a few nights Kat went to the Victoria mansion to practice together and it was great.

Internally a part of Victoria was happy to spend more time with her. She made a mistake in falling in love with her best friend and for months tried to deny it, but then again, when are we able to choose who we're going to love? She did not choose, it happened.

She wanted to blame someone else besides her, maybe Kat? She was a great person to blame, she was everything Victoria wanted to avoid, but she could not.

"Oh. Stop it, Fontaine. She's with Matt.” Victoria shook her head in frustration with herself. She could not get much work done in that trailer at afternoon. When the trainee appeared in her trailer calling her back to the set, she sighed. That was her job and she was incredibly good at it even if she had to hide her feelings.

Victoria sighed trying to take out those thoughts that were bad for her mind, she finalized her makeup and returned to the set. On returning to the set she found the last thing she wanted to see. Kat was there and she was smiling radiantly in Matt's arms. Ugh, the image of perfect couple that the two of them made caused nausea in Victoria. She held the urgency to roll her eyes.

"What is he doing here?" She thought to herself bitterly. “He isn’t supposed to be at Italy recording his new movie?”

"Tori, hey." Kat saw her before she could change her course and go unnoticed. Victoria saw no other solution, approached with slow steps, for her it was as if she were walking to the death. “You don’t believe who show up here! Matt is going to spend the weekend at New Orleans with me!” She was so damn happy.

"Rodriguez," she said, glaring at Matt, forcing a smile.

"Fontaine," he answered with a playful smile.

"Ugh, you do not have any action movies to do?" Victoria thought. “Just go back to Italy already.”

"Matt came by to pick me up after the shoot, since this is our last scene of the day and he got the day off" Kat explained, smiling cheerfully.

"I thought we were going to have some coffee after the shoot." Victoria turned to her, trying not to look down.

"Oh!" Something snapped in Kat's eyes.

"Yep. She had completely forgotten our plans. That's what you get, Fontaine. She forgot you.”

"I'm sorry, Tori! I forgot.” Kat stepped up to apologize. Always a sweetheart. "Can we... You know, reschedule?"

"It was our afternoon together... And now you're going to go with Mr. Muscles."

"Yeah sure." Victoria shrugged nonchalantly.

"Thank you! You're the best.” Kat smiled.

"Yeah... I am." Victoria nodded, folding her arms.

"So... They say you two have good chemistry on TV. I wanted to see for myself.” Matt said smiling.

"I bet you want to," Victoria thought to herself bitterly.

"Alright everybody!" Thomas returned to the set with Holly. “Everyone in their positions." Hunt sat in his chair and fixed his eyes with a serious look at the set ahead of him.

“I guess that’s us” Kat turned to Matt smiling and gave him a peck in the lips. Victoria rolled her eyes and went back at her office in the scene.

" ... Action" Thomas said. Victoria knew perfectly well that the cameras were already rolling, she crossed her legs and glanced at the window while she drank her old fashioned.

The doors of her office suddenly burst open, revealing Kat panting and her blue eyes flaming with anger. She wore the famous leather jacket over the black tank top and jeans that were the hallmark of her character Alexis Russo.

"...Give me a good reason not to arrest you now, Selina!" She said angrily, Victoria turned her chair with a triumphant smile.

"Good afternoon to you, too, Agent Russo. What a beautiful afternoon do not you think?” Victoria smiled. Kat stepped quickly toward Victoria's table and put both hands on the wooden table.

"I'll lock you up behind bars for so many years that you will never see the light of day again," she said between her teeth.

"...I bet you could not stop thinking about me, huh? That's why you're here, right? To finish the discussion we had at that bar?” Victoria said smiling, wrapping a blond wick in one of her fingers. Kat retreated a few steps, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Damn, I taught you perfectly." Victoria thought to herself of seeing her performance.

"Do not play with me," Kat snarled. "I know it was one of your men who killed Frederick! I'm going to arrest you all."

"So much hate in the heart, agent." Victoria stood and circled Kat like a lioness about to attack her prey. Kat stood by watching her, "I wonder if you're really here with the intention of arresting me."

"There's nothing I want more than to see you pay for your crimes."

"Oh really? I do not believe it.” Victoria approached slowly. "You know, I think all your motivation to arrest me is actually hiding other things." She drew closer.

"One more step and I'll shoot, I swear to god, Di Santis, do not tease me." Kat threatened to put her hand in the holster as Victoria pulled her by the collar of her shirt and brought Kat close to her. At the same moment she could feel Kat's sweet scent with precision, Victoria smiled, staring at Kat’s lips, she touched Kat's chin.

And so it was the script, there was no kiss, only a platonic desire between them, a line neither of them should cross. But Victoria's wish was still there, she knew everybody was looking, Matt was. She got even closer to Kat, their lips inches from each other. “She’s so incredibly hot” Victoria thought to herself looking straight to Katherine’s sky blue eyes. A untrustworthy voice screamed in her mind to kiss Kat, dominating all her senses — but in the background another screamed back, saying she was a professional after all. She shouldn’t let her feelings intervene in her work.

"... What are you going to do, hm?" Victoria's voice sounded like a whisper.

"You... I’m... Not—" Kat stammered with the approach, she pulled away and shook her head. "I'll prove it was you who gave the order to kill him." Victoria laughed. Kat turned away from her and marched toward the door.

"...Do not forget to come back with a warrant." Victoria said with her back to Kat smiling. She heard Kat grunting and her grin widened even more.

"... And cut!" Hunt's voice echoed. Victoria turned her eyes to him and Kat did the same. "...You two were perfectly suited for this scene. Tomorrow we'll start from the scene of Chris and Pippa on the bridge. You two are dismissed,” he said. Victoria rolled her eyes.

"Relax, Tori. That was a compliment coming from him." Kat laughed putting her hand lightly on Victoria's shoulder.

"I have not gotten used to working with his strange terms yet," Victoria said as they walked together on the set.

"I think you were amazing, as always. My God, that scene was... pretty hot.” Kat sighed and smiled. Victoria stopped and looked at her for a moment. Was she impressed? She... Did she feel something? No, it could not be.

"Really?" Victoria stopped.

"Absolutely! Our chemistry in this scene was wonderful, I can not even imagine about the scene of the kiss between Selina and Alexis would be like.” Kat smiled excitedly. Victoria smiled, even though she tried to stop herself now.

"Well, if you're interested, we could go over the script in my room at hotel—"

"Hey, Kat!" Matt emerged before she could even finish the sentence, wrapping Katherine in his arms and kissing her face. "That scene was awesome! You were absolutely beautiful! "

"Do you think?" Kat turned with a smile to him, completely forgetting the subject, Victoria restrained the urge to turn her eyes.

"Girls, congratulations. This show is lucky to have you. Hunt should be grateful just for the chemistry you guys have on the show." Matt laughed and Victoria sighed forcing a smile. "Well, are we leaving?"

"Yeah, I just need to get my purse," Kat said.

"That's right. I'm just going to say goodbye to the people.” Matt kissed her cheek. "Great scene, Fontaine." He gave a thumbs-up to Victoria, smiling. Victoria smiled back.

Kat turned to her.

"I'll see you tomorrow on the set?"

"Sounds great." Victoria shrugged.

They had been friends for a long time, long enough for Kat to notice Victoria's behavior change.

She stopped, staring directly into the diva's eyes.

"Vic are you alright? What's wrong? "she asked.

“Nothing” Victoria lied.

Kat sighed impatiently.

“I’m really sorry about our coffee, I really forgot.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Oh, come on. Matt’s is only in the town for this weekend, you know I would never uncheck something with you if it was not for something important.”

“So, now I’m not important anymore?” Victoria touched her own chest.

“No, no! That’s not what I meant!”

“Every time he’s around you do this. You know that I hate this shit and yet you keep doing it. Today was our day.”

“He’s my boyfriend and you’re my best friend, of course, I’m going go out with him if he’s around!.”

Victoria bit her lip and nodded.

"You better go, your boyfriend is waiting for you, I will not hold you for much longer.” She turned her back and left, leaving Kat behind.

"Vic, please wait!"

Two weeks later 13h30pm

Victoria stared at her own reflection in the mirror, on one side was her personal hairstylist, adjusting the bobs in her blond hair to form her character's famous hairstyle. And on the other, her makeup artist, giving the finishing touches on her make-up. She sighed, angry at herself for the immensity of feelings that tightened her heart even more. How could she not be angry with herself for being in love with someone who clearly did not feel the same, and left her almost always in the background, or even with Kat for being... Kat. She was really pretty, but sometimes so naive. Katherine had sent some messages to her over the weekend, unanswered by the diva. The last thing Victoria wanted was to disrupt the happy couple. From now on, she would no longer let herself be affected by Kat, she would back away.

A few soft knocks came from the door of her trailer.

"Come in," Victoria said without looking away from the mirror. The door to the trailer opened, and Victoria could feel the fragrance of that perfume she knew perfectly. Damn.

"Wow... You look so beautiful." She turned her face and met Kat leaning against the door. Victoria felt her face burn and turned to face the mirror again. "The silent treatment? Seriously?"

Victoria did not answer her, in response to her attitude, Kat turned to the artists.

"Hey, guys. Do you mind giving us a minute alone?" She asked. Always so educated, when they both replied that they did not care and left the trailer leaving them alone, Kat sighed and took slow steps towards Victoria. "I bought our lunch, I went to that vegan restaurant that you love," she said as she got to her knees by Victoria's chair and looking for a response from the diva.

It was difficult. Hard to ignore, hard to ignore when she was so sweet, polite and charming. "Hey, uh... Do you mind look at me for just a minute?” She laughed.

Victoria turned her face and looked at her. Kat stared at her like an abandoned dog, her blue eyes bright and the dimple of her right cheek appearing as she bit her bottom lip. Oh, fuck.

“Don’t take easy on her. She screwed you.” Victoria replied to herself, trying to avoid Kat’s eyes.

“You don’t deserve it.” Victoria said coldly.

"Not even a bit. I'm sorry," Kat said sincerely, Victoria rolled her eyes. "Matt told me that he was coming at last minute, I got so anxious to see him again, but you... You’re so important in my life as well. I love you both.” She said looking for Victoria's eyes. "I can do anything to redeem myself with you. Anything you want.” Kat touched her arm lightly, bringing chills to Victoria's body and her stomach spinning, she tried not to demonstrate, swallowing hard and diverting her face for the young actress not to notice. Victoria took a deep breath and looked at her again, how could she get away from Katherine?

“Don’t do that again.” Victoria said.

“I won’t.”

“You better.”

Kat opened a beautiful smile and leaned down enough to leave a kiss on Victoria's cheek, leaving her face incredibly red. She stood and turned to take the lunch from both of them on the counter, giving Victoria enough time to recover from that act of unexpected affection, touching her own cheek.

Wednesday, 14h10pm

Kat followed Victoria into her trailer, the girl jumped on the couch and settled herself with a smirk on her face. Victoria leaned against the counter with her eyes on her, Kat pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and began to check her messages.

“How was your weekend?” Victoria asked.

“Really great. I just... I missed him so much. We really had a great time together.” Kat sighed talking about Matt again. “I’m sad that he had to go back to Italy, but it’s our jobs and we both understood this.”

Victoria took a deep breath, hearing those words were just like being shouted at the chest.

“I’m happy for you both.” She lied turning with a fake smile.

“Thanks, Vic.” Kat smiled back. “Sometimes I forget how great best friend you are to me. I’m lucky to have you.”

“Yeah, friend” Victoria thought bitterly. "...How's Matt doing?" Victoria asked. Kat looked up and smiled.

"He’s great." She smiled. "Just a little annoyed since we're not spending as much time together as we used to, but he understands." Victoria held the inner will to roll her eyes.

"Yeah. Sure.” She said and folded her arms.

"Chazz just reminded me that we have a very crowded day. I forgot the interviews and the photoshoots"

"Well, I have not forgotten." Victoria stepped away from her and went to the kitchen to make the tea. "Now we're almost done with this season.”

"Yeah, it's great, is not it?" Kat laughed, leaning against the back of the couch. Just two more episodes to end the first season. This series is crazy, you can not imagine how much the fans stop me at street, they keep asking me questions about you. Now they're shipping the two of us."

"At least they're on my side." Victoria thought to herself with a smirk on her face. "Does that bother Matt?" She glanced over her shoulder.

"A little. He says no, but I think he thinks the opposite, but he understands that the commotion is all about the show... So.” She shrugged.

"Good to know." Victoria smiled convinced.

"Which brings up a subject that I think we should talk about," Kat said, suddenly altering her behavior, fiddling absently on her cell phone, apparently to have something to look at instead of Victoria's eyes.

"What would it be?" Victoria asked curiously, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Our kiss," Kat said as she nearly knocked her coffee onto the upholstery of her sofa. "I mean... in the series. Hunt came to tell me that in the next episode will be filming the first kiss of our characters.” Kat told her and Victoria could not help noticing how eager she looked.

"Well, it would eventually happen, uh?" Victoria answered back.

"But are not you a little nervous about it? I mean, it's us... me and you, and I know it’s our characters and not us, but still... I do not know, I've never kissed my best friend before.” She gave a nervous laugh.

"I've done it so many, many times, I've gotten used to kissing in front of cameras." Victoria shrugged.

"I know and me too, but we have to talk about it." Kat said putting one of the strands of her hair behind her ear, Victoria noticed how cute she was when she did it, even though it was a sign of nervousness.

"Okay." Victoria turned to her. "Let's talk about this."

"Well..." Kat started shyly. "When I was a teenager— And you promise not to laugh at me!" She pointed her fingers at Victoria.

"Okay, Okay. I promise.” Victoria held up her hands in defense.

"...You know, we all have that crush of adolescence that is a celebrity and has no idea that you exist. In my case... You were my celebrity crush. And now you know that I exist, and we're best friends and we're about to kiss each other for the first time on a TV show! This is crazy. "

That was like a punch in Victoria's face, she stopped at once. Glancing at the girl with nothing to say. Kat smiled red-cheeked as she told her about her teenage years.

"Wait a minute, did you have a crush on me?" Victoria pointed to her still discredited chest.

"Yes. A huuuge crush. Can you believe it?” She laughed.

"Not. I can not,” Victoria said as she leaned her back against the couch, deep in thought, how life could be extremely bitch, now it was her who had a huge crush on Kat.

“Kat, may I ask you something? "Victoria approached curiously.

"Anything." Kat shrugged.

"We never had this conversation, but... I have to say, I always thought you were straight. So you're telling me—"

"I'm bisexual," Kat admitted. "I mean, I have more experiences with guys than women, I think I only slept with two girls," she said reflectively.

"I have a chance." It was the only thing that went through Victoria's mind. That conversation was proof that it was possible.

"I don’t know, I just... I do not know how to flirt with girls, I'm a complete disaster with women." Kat admitted, and Victoria smiled knowing she'd fallen in love with the girl next her so easily, and she didn’t have the slightest idea.

Friday, 19h30pm

"Victoria, five minutes." Victoria heard the assistant's voice on the other side of the door of her trailer.

"Thanks, I'm coming," she said as she finished her makeup looking in her mirror. She took a deep breath, moistening her lips perfectly aware of what would happen today. The scene of the kiss, the scene of the kiss that everyone was waiting for, surely that would have repercussion on the part of the media, the fans... She was a professional, already had kissed so many different actors in front of the screens of the cameras, but why now did you feel that way? Maybe because it was her best friend that she was deeply in love and that she had never kissed before.

"It's just a kiss, Fontaine. You can do that, a professional kiss.” She repeated to herself as a mantra to keep her head in the right place. "Let's get this over with."

Upon entering the set, she encountered Kat immersed in a conversation with Hunt, it seemed that both were discussing the script, when Kat saw her, gave a passionate smile, the same smile she always gave when saw Victoria.

"Hey, Vic." She said approaching.

"What was that?" Victoria pointed slightly at Hunt, who was already on the other side of the set with Holly.

"Oh, I was just talking to him about the kissing scene, I was thinking the scene would be more shocking if it was in Selina's office instead of the parking lot."

"And he liked the idea?"

"He said he found it interesting and that we could go through my line of reasoning, honestly I think he liked it." Kat gave a chuckle.

"Everyone in their positions!" Hunt's voice echoed across the set, he took his place in his chair.

"Anyways, are you ready?" Kat smiled.

"Always," Victoria said.

"Okay, then." Kat winked and smiled, heading for the stage.

Fuck, fuck. You got this, Fontaine.

Kat took her place in Victoria's office, leaning against the table, Victoria positioned herself behind the wooden doors to make her grand entrance.

"So let's make that clear. I want that passionate kiss, you are madly in love and for the first time you are ignoring your principles, and allowing it to happen,” Hunt said and both agreed. "All ready? And ACTION.” He said, at the sound of his voice, Victoria opened the doors of Selina's office, facing Kat, who turned to her with her arms folded.

"Oh, if this is not an unexpected surprise," Victoria said, taking two steps toward Kat. "What can I do for you, agent?"

"I came here to say..." Kat disengaged from the table, biting her lips, hesitant just as Alexis would be in that situation. "...I admit, I was wrong."

"So you finally admit it?" Victoria smiled triumphantly.

"About the case, not about you. I still think you're worthless, Di Santis." Kat snapped. "I just came here to apologize, nothing more. I still have my doubts "

Victoria took a few more steps toward her until she was close enough.

"At this point I thought we've already gotten over this." Victoria's voice became a mere whisper, she lightly touched Kat's cheek. "Admit it, you like me. Even if your instincts tell you otherwise. "

"I do not—"

"...You feel the same attraction, the need to be close to me, I know you do." Victoria continued to stare into the depths of Kat's blue eyes.

Kat moved away, shaking her head.

"Do not do it. You know perfectly well that we can’t."

"Why not?" Victoria whispered.

"You know the reason." Kat turned to the door and walked over to her. "You and I are very different, Selina."

"Is that so?" Victoria crossed her arms. "Do you know what I think? You're lying to yourself. "

"I'm?"

"Admit it at once you want me as much as I want you," Victoria said. Kat touched on the door handle, ready to leave the office, with her back to Victoria, she took a deep, hesitant.

It was when Kat lifted her head and looked at Victoria, and Victoria could see the desire in her eyes, burning like fire, she marched toward Victoria, certain of what she was doing, and just as surely she touched the diva's cheeks and brought her into a passionate kiss.

Victoria grabbed Kat's leather jacket and brought Kat closer to her, holding tight, Kat's lips were delicate, warm and soft against hers, she was completely addictive, even if she did not know it. And Victoria, like a junkie, having finally tasted her drug for the first time, could not let that moment slip away so easy. Kat was being sweet, kissing her in a passionate way, just like in the script, and should not have tongue, it should be a totally professional kiss. But... Victoria took advantage of the cue and bite lightly on Kat's lower lip, taking out a silent groan from Kat in response. Kat's fingers went into her blond hair, squeezing them lightly, while Victoria boldly asked for permission with her tongue to enter Kat's mouth, which surprisingly allowed her. She curled her tongue against Kat's, finally feeling her for the first time, starting a slow, wet kiss. A damn good kiss.

Kat back away seconds later, which seemed like forever, she was still close, her forehead touching Victoria's, panting and red-lipped. Victoria stared at those perfect blue eyes, Kat watching her in surprise and shock. But there was something else... something she could not tell what it was, maybe desire?

"What the hell was that?" Kat asked quietly, a small smile on her face. She was not following the script.

"I have not the faintest idea," Victoria replied with a smirk back, bringing her face close again and kissing her lips lightly.

"And.... CUT." Thomas said seconds later, the two of them turned to him. "That was..."

"Extremely pornographic, I loved it!" Addison interrupted him with a smile on her cheek, Hunt looked at her with disapproval.

"I suppose it was... as it should be, but I realized that you both left the script for a few seconds, however I believe we can use that kiss on the scene. Congratulations, you two.” He said.

Kat ran her hand through her hair with a smile on her face at Hunt's words. Victoria was still shocked by the kiss, but she managed to draw a smile from her face.

"You’re a damn good kisser, Fontaine. Thomas loved." Kat laughed, her lips still red. "And I'm sure the fans will love it too." She left a kiss on Victoria's cheek and left smiling.

"I do not think they were the only ones who liked it," Victoria said, touching her lips as she watched her walk away.

[iloveyouwhenidonthateyou]

The 10 Best ‘80s Movies to Watch for Style Inspiration

If there’s any bit of doubt left in you about ‘80s fashion having a major comeback, head on over to Vogue Runway and check out any of the Spring/Summer 2019 collections from this past fashion month. For those of you who already know what’s up, but need a little style inspiration to get the creative juices flowing, here’s a list of the ten best ‘80s movies to watch for style inspiration.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) Costume Designer: Deborah Lynn Scott

Stone washed jeans, Nike sneakers, and perfectly layered clothing for casual outfits for fall—while there is a bit of a lingering ‘70s vibe, this ‘80s movie has a ton of looks worth duplicating that fit in seamlessly with today’s fashion. If it’s been a while since you’ve seen E.T., I highly recommend that you make it part of your next movie night. Not only will you be reminded of why this film launched some of Hollywood’s biggest careers, but you’ll also get to see for yourselves that the ‘80s weren’t just about big hair and synthetic fabrics. 

Risky Business (1983) Costume Designer: Robert De Mora

The business of running a pop-up brothel from home is definitely risky, but wearing any of Tom Cruise’s looks from this film is a surefire way to rock ‘80s inspired fashion. Seriously, take your pick! Keep it casual in a perfectly fitted polo shirt and jeans, or perhaps a sporty raglan tee and some cutoffs. Want to take it up a notch? An oxford shirt and varsity jacket combo should do the trick. And for those of you who prefer something a bit more tailored, but don’t want anything too fussy, reach for your favorite blazer and pair it with a t-shirt. Even though it’s a lot of simple pieces, this movie proves that the key to having a functional wardrobe is having great basics.

Sixteen Candles (1984) Costume Designer: Marilyn Vance

I’m not trying to be ironic here, I swear, but this movie making the list has nothing to do with Molly Ringwald, in fact, her style in this film is pretty forgettable (HA!). Jake Ryan, played by actor Michael Schoeffling, on the other hand, is style goals for anyone who appreciates a good sweater vest, and is a fan of the “Dad Style” trend. Also, Jake’s boots in the note passing scene are one of my personal fashion grails.

Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) Costume Designer: Dana Lyman

“One, two, Freddy’s coming for you…” Nightmare on Elm Street is one of my all-time favorite horror movies, and Freddy Krueger can haunt my dreams any night of the week! What can I say? I’m a sucker for horizontal stripes and killer accessories. In all seriousness, this was the only movie that I was a bit iffy about including. While there are some solid fashion moments throughout the film, there are a few that require some tweaking. Tina and Rob, played by Amanda Wyss and Jsu Garcia, have more of an edgy vibe, while Nancy and Glen, played by Heather Langenkamp and Johnny Depp, are ultra preppy. I love everything that Tina and Rob wear—popped collar on an oversized denim jacket, roomy shirts with the sleeves rolled up, stone washed jeans, a leather jacket. As for Nancy and Glen, some of their outfits are total hits while others require a bit of help. But like the title of this list suggests, these movies are supposed to inspire, and inspiration can come from good, bad, and awesomely bad sources. 

Pretty in Pink (1986) Costume Designer: Marilyn Vance

When it comes to its wardrobe, Pretty in Pink is probably the most stereotypical ‘80s movie of the bunch. While I love that the costume designer used fashion to very dramatically show the differences between the character’s socioeconomic backgrounds, when it came to the rich kids, I found myself wondering way too often if anyone actually wore that in high school. Having said that, Duckie, played by Jon Cryer, is the reason for this movie making the list. Although over the top, I love all of the mismatched, print-on-print, thrift-store-treasure vibes of his wardrobe.

The Goonies (1985) Costume Designer: Richard La Motte

Is it just me, or does the wardrobe from The Goonies give anyone else some serious Gucci vibes? Really, I’m not kidding! Take Chunk for example, his plaid trousers, quirky floral shirt, bright red jacket—so Gucci! Another example is Stef, Andy’s ride or die bestie, wearing some clear framed specs, granny earrings, and a skinny red scarf. Can you see it now? We’re onto you Alessandro! All jokes aside, any of the looks featured in this movie are worth wearing. 

The Breakfast Club (1985) Costume Designer: Marilyn Vance

What do you get when you put a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal into a room? Only one of the most beloved ‘80s movies of all time, that’s what! With so much to pull from, I’ve definitely taken inspiration from this movie for shoots and my own personal style. 

The Lost Boys (1987) Costume Designer: Susan Becker

Perhaps one of the reasons I didn’t buy into the whole glittering vampire thing, is because I grew up watching the more badass version of blood suckers who wore leather better than any rockstar of the ‘80s. Seriously, I would wear EVERYTHING from this movie!

Adventures in Babysitting (1987) Costume Designer: Judith R. Gellman

Adventures in Babysitting is one of those movies that I can watch over and over again, and still laugh at every joke. Why this movie isn’t as well known as the others on this list is beyond me. It also happens to have some pretty awesome and totally relevant fashion. I love the pops of color, as well as the jackets and coats worn by all of the characters throughout the film: it’s basically an onscreen list of outwear must-haves!

Working Girl (1988) Costume Designer: Ann Roth

Power suits were all over the SS19 runways, and there’s no better source of inspiration for all things power dressing than Working Girl. Melanie Griffith’s and Sigourney Weaver’s wardrobe is so incredibly chic in this movie, that I’m willing to overlook their awesomely bad hairstyles (mostly Melanie’s. Sorry, girl!). A few years back, when sneakers and suiting became a major thing, this movie was often referenced while people formed their opinions on whether the look worked or not. Flash forward to now, and that combo seems like a no brainer. Honestly, there is so much fashion gold in this movie that if you can only pick three of the ten movies to watch, make sure this is one of them. Total side note, but apart from the awesome clothes, this movie has one of my top five favorite lines ever delivered on screen, courtesy of Joan Cusack: “SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS? It’s not even leather!”

[thebachrehash]

I don’t mind being assertive, I’m a Wilhelmina model

Ladies and gents, it’s time for the prerequisite “Shout the Bach’s name from the balcony” intro.  “Becaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”

We immediately jump in with the always charming Chris Harrison handing out the first group date card reading, “Ready for my big day.”

Clay, Nick, Chris, David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, and Lincoln cheese grin their way to meet Becca at a mansion with her in a (gorg) white dress.  She let’s them know that she wants to pamper the men like she was on her first date with Arie... because that went well.  The men drop trou and Becca is officially ready to get back in the game.  She calls Lincoln a block of muscle.  Jordan, while doing the “pensive”, let’s her know that he is a male model, and that the largest tip he could give her any day is to put the confidence on in the morning before her panty hose.  Not sure who’s wearing panty hose these days (besides my mom - hi, Kath!), but now we know.

The men roll out in their tuxes, to the poor man’s version of a Survivor obstacle course and are greeted by the poor man’s version of Ashton and Mila - Rachel and “not-Peter”, Bryan.  They’re there to help host “Groomsday”, and they warn they will have to get dirtay.

In order to see if the men have what it takes to be marriage material, they will go through a strange obstacle course complete with standing in a cold tub of water and eating cake without their hands.  Rachel (dirty, dirty girl) shouts it’s important to see, “what that mouth do.”  Connor gets the largest kick out of it, as he sends it to Barstool.

Lincoln is in it to win it to reach his “beautiful princess” Becca.  He is cheating.  He is cheating blatantly.  But, there are no rule keepers, this is the f’ing Bach.  Well, there are no rule keepers except for tattle tale Chris who knows that he got in the bucket after him and left before him.

In a really messy battle for the finishline, Lincoln beats out Chicken David.  He gets to plant a kiss on Becca and they take their wedding day picture.  Seems innocent enough.  If only it was.

Chris Harrison let’s them all know that EVERYONE will be able to attend the rest of the group date.  Ya hear that Krystal.

So the men all convene at a round couch, and Lincoln steals his “wife” immediately as they “just got married”.  He says something like, “she would only get the best from him when she gives her best and that makes them the best and he wants nothing more for her than the best.”  Becca goes, “Hmmm, well that’s nice, I have something for you.”  Thinking it’s the rose, Lincoln sits up all ready for Santa to come down the chimney.  Instead, Becca brings a photo from their wedding day.  It’s cute and Lincoln is very excited.

Lincoln returns to the men a smitten kitten and shares something about unicorns and Pegasus and a pot of gold, and prominently displays his prized possession, his photo of the two of them.

Connor is NOT having this.  He thinks it’s a slap in the face that he would put this picture out.  Bro, needs to chill a bit, but Lincoln is weird and being extra,

Meanwhile, Becca is bonding with the men.  

Chris woos her in telling her that he wants to treat her the way he treats his mom and sister.  David wants to be pushed intellectually and she couldn’t agree more.  Clay is here for her and he wants her to get to know the real him.  

Back at the couch, Lincoln is now kissing the picture of him and Becca.  Connor throws it.  Lincoln picks it up.  Connor finally opens the door and frisbees it into the pool.

Lincoln, just a little dramatically, proclaims that his heart is broken.  He starts to tear up, he was looking forward to sharing this with his mom.  Picturegate has begun.

Back in the private lounge our Jean Blanc must be spraying some special, soothing scents onto Miss Becca.  He lets her know that she is the missing part of his life and that she makes him feel so special.  He takes all the courage from his ck one spritz, and tells her the only thing more beautiful than her smile is her lips.  They smooch.  

Before Becca can make it back to the other men, she is stopped by Lincoln.  He lets her know that, not only did he lose his beloved picture, but he feels threatened physically.  what.is.going.on

Becca pulls Connor aside on what has become a date in a pre-school.  She is over it.  She wonders if Connor is a roid-rager slash if this is his regular reaction.  He agrees that it was way over the top.  She said she’ll take some time to think about it, but it’s probably not the best time to get to know one another.

Becca gathers them all together and says it had definitely been an interesting and revealing night.  Jean Blanc gets the group date rose.  He tells her to pin it on the leather, “he don’t even care.”  He’s so excited, it’s v. cute.

It’s time for Blake’s one on one date.

He’s pumped that he gets to roll out in a limo instead of on an ox.  Small pleasures.

Becca fills him in that she has no idea what they’ll be doing as Chris Harrison planned this one.  They get to the area that is a “little run down” and see Chris with a sledgehammer waiting for them.  They’re asked to put on little work jumpers (Becca’s complete with a belt from Charming Charlie), helmets and Tims.  Then, they’re both given their own sledgehammers.

They go inside and “TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!” 

This is where everything from Arie’s season went to die.  Chris and, um what?!? Lil Jon let them know that they’re gonna get to destroy everything in the room.  Immediately Becca climbs that racecar and smashes in the windows.  This is FABULOUS.  

Carrie Underwood would be proud.

I have zero idea why Lil Jon is there, but am so VERY happy that Blake is a “huge fan of his”.  Sure you are Blakey boy.

The two of them proceed to make the whitest rap video ever, and Blake is so happy to see Becca so happy. I am cheese grinning my way through watching it.

Post wrecking crew, they sit down to dinner.  They’re ridiculously comfortable with each other for just the first date.  Blake shares his heartbreak over his most recent relationship where he thought he was with the one.  In positive news, he said it was worth it, because now he knows what he wants, and knows that he is capable of loving like that.  Becca empathizes. I am having a hard and fast therapy session with both of them.  Through the pain, they have found so much strength that they never knew was in there.  I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Blake clearly gets the rose, and states to the camera: “I have no idea how Arie let her go.”  I love him.

It’s time for the second group date of the week... “Love comes at you hard and fast.”  

Well it comes hard and fast, except for poor Jason and Mike who are the only dateless men of the week.

The men for Group date #2 (Alex, Christon, Colton, Garrett, John, Leo, Rickey, Ryan, Trent, and Wills), board a school bus and head to a gym where they are greeted with some fabulous, tyrannical child actors.

Becca, in her 24387948th metallic outfit of the season, informs that the men that they are going to be playing some good old-fashioned dodgeball.  But first, these children will warm them up a la suicides (can we call them that anymore?!?) and pelting them with 70 mph dodgeballs; all while calling them TRASHHHHHH and somehow still making fun of Arie.  These kids are amaze.

They get set for the game, and the team with Becca all make the wise choice to hide behind her.  However, Christon don’t give a F and proceeds to belt Becca a number of times.  Spoiler alert: this doesn’t work out well for him in the end.

The men and Becca then move on to skyzone, where they’re to play a large game of trampoline dodgeball in front of a v. confused crowd, Chris Harrison, and Fred Willard.  Why tho?

Poor, pretty haired Leo is flying through the air and is in all his stuntman glory.  However, the rest of his team, complete with a former pro football player, suck to high heavens.  He is continually the only man left standing.  After three rounds, the green team wins and gets a trophy.

In probably his only soundbite of the season, Alex snarkly asks if it’s cool to display the trophy to the pink team.  Somewhere back at the ranch, Lincoln is crying again.

Becca gets her alone time with the men.  Garrett and her dork out together, Leo gets a little romantical, and she compliments Wills style while he almost tears up talking about his parents’ 50th anniversary coming up.  They share a kiss, and I think he kind’ve gave her his varsity jacket.

But, it wouldn’t be a group date without a bombshell.  

Pretty boy Colton fesses up that he had a former relationship with Weiner, Arkansas Tia.  Becca is visibly shook and doesn’t really know what to think.  Did he come on the Bach hoping it would actually be Tia?  Is he a fame whore?  Is he a whore?

So many questions.

In the end, she gives the group date Rose to Wills and his uneven scruff.  He’s happy, and Colton is nervous he’s gonna get the boot.

It’s time for the cocktail hour, and Becca is trying to not question what the f is wrong with all of these dudes.  She said she’s a lot more emotional than she thought she would be.

Clay pulls her outside to show her how he would celebrate scoring a touchdown.  Somehow he makes this boring, but he does score a kiss.  Me, and all of America, can name at least 10 other tight ends we would rather see on this show right now.  I’m looking at you, Gronk.

Venmo John pulls her aside and they make out.  Connor puts his tail between his legs and gives her a picture of him.  It breaks the ice and i think they’re cool now.

Chicken David is having what seems like a decently lovely conversation when Jordan decides it’s time to parade around in his undies and a pink furry blankie.  Jordan interrupts and Becca is questioning Jordan.  Is this a joke?  

Post convo, Chicken David confronts Jordan and stutters when telling him he was being disingenuous.  Jordan chooses this time to not only correct him, but to inform David that he’s the one being in-genuine-titty.

For the record, Jordan would also like everyone to know that he doesn’t want to be misrepresented as 007 all the time.  He likes to live life on the edge, but while doing so he likes to have well kept hair.  He’s multi-dimensional.  He doesn’t mind being assertive, he is in FACT a Wilhelmina model.  And he’d like to think he’d score a little higher than a typical male model on “that” test.  

So, he wouldn’t light the cig at the gas station while sipping on his orange mocha frappuccino?  You be the judge.

Before handing out the roses, Becca lets Colton know that she needs more clarity before getting to know him further.  She has to think a bit.  Colton is scared he’s going home.  Obvs, he would NEVER, well not until we can get Tia to come on a date and make this some good tv.

At the rose ceremony we say good-bye to Alex (and that SUPER sad tearful good-bye), Christon (that’s what you get for pelting her with a dodgeball), Rickey and Trent.

Power Rankings

1 - Blake (+2) - Solid connection, I heart him

2 - Wills (+2) - There’s something there... he’s chill, and a fab dresser

3 - Garrett (-2) - Dropping for air time and his scandalous likes on the gram

4 - Jean Blanc (+9) - Coming in hot and smelling good too

5 - Chris (+10) - Coming back hot from being the tattle tale in Episode 1

6 - Leo (+6) - Thiiiiis close to getting the group date rose this week

7 - Colton (-5) - Bringing the drama with the Tia card, and yet still having a v-card?  There’s no way he’s going anywhere soon.

8 - Jason (+1) - No date, but played it calm and cool

9 - Lincoln (-3) - I mean, they got married, but I want him to go

10 - Jordan (+1) - Literally, NOTHING in common, but I’ll keep him for his confidence and commentary

11 - Clay (-4) - Yawning

12 - John (-2) - Cashed in on a make-out... I’m impressed

13 - David (-5) - He’s geeky, but trying

14 - Mike (+5) - Tim Riggins is due for some time next week

15 - Connor (+1) - picturegate is over?!?!

16 - Nick (+5) - Hanging in the background

17 - Ryan (-) - Get your banjo out and play it man!

[ohhkkaebsonggg]

Jung Hoseok (BTS) -'List'

12 Days of Christmas Drabble Series

(Four days in a row and then one day for rest and then again with four days until Christmas Day)

{Male reader}

-

3rd person Pov

The sun shined brightly in the cold winter morning. Hoseok woke up to the sound of his boyfriends little snoring , he smiled and lightly kissed his temple careful not to wake him up. He got up and walked towards the bathroom , brushing his teeth he looked at himself in the mirror , consumed in his own thoughts he didn't hear his boyfriend wake up and stretch , letting the biggest pterodactyl like sound out.

"Hobi?" He heard a voice ask entering the bathroom

"Huh? Moning, ah shu ok?" He muffled out , tooth brush working its way on his teeth

"Hmmh, I'm brushing my teeth now" he said to shut his beloved sunshine off , no speaking when your mouth is full

After they were both done , they walked out the bathroom and sat down on the bed , quickly grabbing their phones and starting up a convo

"So , its Saturday y/n ... what are we doing-" hobi started but was cut off by a startled y/n

"We have to buy Christmas presents" the boy said with wide eyes

"I guess that's what we're doing today then?" Hoseok half asked half stated , his boyfriend nodding and getting up to get changed

Hobi looked at the clock , 9:30am displayed in the front of his iPhone X

He got up and followed the traces his boyfriend left to get changed

He got dressed in black skinny jeans , a white sweater and gray cardigan over it , his usual puma sneakers on.

"Shall we go?" He asked from downstairs grabbing the keys and putting his beanie on

"Yeah , lets go" his boyfriend answered walking Down the stairs wearing jeans a gray hoodie and a black jacket over it , it's 12 degrees outside

Time skip to car drive

"So , the list" y/n said and took his phone out opening notes

"Yeah ok mention names and I'll tell you"the older male said looking at the road

"Namjoon hyung" he started writing down the name

"Ryan computer case" Hobi answered almost instantly snapping his fingers

"Jiminie"

"Two rings"

"Taehyung-ah"

"Van Gogh's starry night replica"

"Where are we supposed to find this?"the younger male asked tilting his head

"The art store is hosting a exhibition on some famous paintings , I'm sure they have a replica around there somewhere"Y/n hummed and kept on listing names

Time skip...

"I'm hungry lets get some Starbucks" Hoseok said grabbing y/n by the hand and pulling him inside

After getting their Starbucks breakfast they started their trip around Times Square mall

"Omg ! The Ryan computer case lets go !" Hobi's lover stated nearly jumping inside the grand store

The line was huge ,but they played around and ate in peace , when arriving to the desk , Hobi caught a glance at a beautiful pink colored Polaroid camera poster , and he saw his lover eyed it with glowing eyes ,so a soon as y/n said goodbye to the person assisting them , Hoseok made an excuse

"Yah, jagi I'll be out in a minute " he smiled and his boyfriend gave him a confused expression but shrugged and walked out

"Can I buy that camera ?" He asked the person on the counter

"It's not out yet , it'll be in about a week and a half , you can pre-order it though" Hoseok smiled at that , now he didn't have to walk out with a bag making his boyfriend suspicious

"Ok then , I'll have it pink please"he payed for the camera and made sure to leave his email so he knew when they arrived

"Hi babe" y/n asked and smiled "can we go on now?"he asked and Hobi smiled at him nodding

He grabbed his hand and kissed it , walking hand to hand with him , to continue their day out

-

So this one was a little different for me Idk , thanks for reading :)lotta love 💗

-admin Rena

[littlemissnellie]

Aaaaah! Hi guys!

First of all I’ve got to apologise for the lack of Golgotha Manor posts recently, I promise they’re coming, it’s just that I’ve been a little preoccupied with putting this together…

Not too long ago I managed to hit 250 followers, which is absolutely insane, I literally cannot find the words to thank you all for following along with my mess of a blog. So I thought that I’d put a little something together for you to try to show my gratitude!

I was going to do sim requests again, like when I hit 150 followers, but tbh my sim requests are always open, I’ll make you any sim, any time, lol. So instead, I thought that I’d make some sims of my own for you to use however you please!

So yes, here are my babies! I’ll put their little intros and cc links under the cut and if you actually want to download them, they’re up on the gallery and my origin id is: cherrygorilla.

I really hope that you like them, guys! And if you actually do choose to download any of them, please keep me updated on their lives in your save, I’m too attached to my bbies and would loooooove to know what they’re up to!

Thank you again for 250! I love you guys so much, thank you for sticking by me all this time! And here’s all the info for my bbies…

Oakley Forrester

Aspiration: Freelance Botanist

Traits: Cheerful, Loves Outdoors & Insider

Oakley Forrester is a quiet, relatively shy soul with a strong passion for gardening. He’s had a green thumb practically since he came out of the womb and would always be found playing in his mum’s greenhouse amongst the tomatoes. Besides his beloved plants he doesn’t have a great deal of friends, well none that are his age anyway. He may be the youngest member of the gardening club by about forty years, but he doesn’t mind at all. The homemade jams, weekly bingo-night updates and just general company he gets whenever they see each other at the local allotment never fails to warm his heart. He just needs to find the right person to bring him out of his shell and away from his planter boxes for a little while to show him that there’s more to life that compost and cream teas…

CC: Freckles, Floppy Hat

Adele Circuit

Aspiration: Computer Whiz

Traits: Genius, Perfectionist, Squeamish

Adele Circuit is completely obsessed with all things technology. She’s always been fascinated by buttons and screens, but it wasn’t until she hit school and actually started learning about computing that her passion really took off. No one would ever be able to tell when she’s majorly geeking out over a new piece of software though with her signature, cold air that often gets her mistaken for a huge bitch. A lot of people are pretty intimidated by her, but not because of her computer-prodigy intelligence, because of her apparent constant grumpiness. Once you take the time to get to know her though, and listen to her rave about binary coding, you’ll quickly find that she’s just a big softie with a resting bitch-face. She knows the ins and outs of every computer system, but anything outside of that, like getting to know a fellow human is waaaayyy out of her comfort zone…

CC: Freckles, Lipstick, Eyeliner (03), Glasses, Choker, Nail Polish

Evie Roberts

Aspiration: Public Enemy

Traits: Clumsy, Hot-Headed, Kleptomaniac

Evie Roberts is the greatest evil mastermind to have ever lived. At least that’s what she wants you to think. In reality, she can barely run twenty feet without tripping over her own two feet. She doesn’t let her clumsiness deter her though, her fiery passion for wreaking havoc burns nonetheless. And besides, the mishaps she gets herself into, and the various injuries that they leave her with, just make her look even more menacing. And when you have a baby-face like Evie, you need all the help you can get to strike terror into your enemies’ hearts. The whole reason that Evie turned to crime is down to her face really, and her determination to shed the happy-go-lucky, pretty, girl-next-door persona that everyone seems to have pinned on her. But will her short temper, knack for stealing and desperation to be bad be enough to persuade the world that she’s not the big sweetheart they all know that she is on the inside?

CC: Leggings, Black Eye I’ve put a different one on her on the gallery, which is here, Hat, Eyeliner, Hair, Lipstick, Nail Polish, Skirt

Ryker Bass

Aspiration: Party Animal

Traits: Dance Machine, Noncommittal, Outgoing

Ryker Bass still wants to believe that he’s in high school because that’s what’s easiest for him. In high school he had friends around him at all times, he had a secure routine and he had a promise of hope for the future. Now all he really has is…himself. He may have had the time of his life in high school, but that’s because he wasted all of his time there, and now he wants nothing more than to just turn back the clock. Homework was a totally foreign concept to him, a red solo cup was extremely familiar though. In fact, one was practically glued to his hands. But all that meant was that he wound up with nothing more than some pretty good dance moves and very few qualifications. Without any guidance from school, and because his partying habit has destroyed his relationship with his success-driven parents, Ryan, who now goes by Ryker because it makes him feel cool, is left drifting from place to place, from job to job, from friend to friend, from relationship to relationship, with no idea of where his life is going. He needs a little more than a crazy hair colour and ‘bad boy’ name to help him find out who he really is though…

CC: Glasses, Freckles, Shoes, Jeans, Beard

Adagio Solo

Aspiration: Musical Genius

Traits: Music-Lover, Good, Romantic

Adagio Solo practically has melodies running through his veins, music is just a huge part of who he is. He can play the piano and guitar with a talent that just cannot be taught, he just has a magical touch when it comes to instruments, and his voice his a whole different game all together. Even when speaking his voice has a sort of musical quality that is so pleasing to the ears that the hairs on the back of your neck stand up to listen, so when he begins to sing it’s as if the notes are spinning themselves into the finest silk and wrapping around you until you feel that you’re as much a part of the song as Adagio is. When he’s not serenading his adoring fans, Adagio can usually be found rhapsodizing about love to…anyone that will listen really. Whether it’s about his latest ventures into the romantic field, or the bewilderment that the rest of the world won’t just forget about conflict and join together in love and harmony really depends on the day though. And with his endless charisma and silky-smooth voice, it seems that Adagio can charm anything that breathes. That might not always be the case though…

CC: Denim Jacket

Katie Kapital

Aspiration: City Native

Traits: Gloomy, Vegetarian, Art Lover

“Yes, that is Captial with a ‘K’. Alliteration provides a lot of hidden depth.” is something that can usually be heard tumbling from Katie’s red-painted lips, which are almost always fixed into a pained frown of despair. You see, her surname wasn’t always spelt with a ‘K’, but when she discovered her 'true calling in life’ was literature, she felt that her lifestyle should coordinate. Her ventures into the world of poetry seem to have made the biggest impact on her though, and, contrary to what her friends will tell you, it’s not because the coffee is free on slam poetry night. When she’s not depicting her first-world struggles through rhyme, she can usually be found crying over a lack of vegetarian options or just nothing at all. Will she ever be able to get her priorities in check, or will she be an emotional, hipster mess forever?

CC: Necklace, Hat (I don’t think this is the exact one, but it’s pretty much the same), Leggings, Moles, Lipstick, Cropped Jumper, Glasses, Eyeshadow, Eyeshadow (2), Hair, Earrings, Jeans, Nail Polish, Skirt

Once again, thank you sooooo much for 250 and I hope that you like my bbies! Let me know your favourite! I love you guys!

[reject-princess97]

Spencer Reid-Criminal Minds/Castle Crossover

You are Richard Castle's Daughter and Alexis is your twin sister. While Alexis stayed in New York to live with your dad you moved away and joined the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. You had just had a call from Alexis telling you, your dad had decided to pay you a surprise visit for yours and Lexi's birthday.

********************* I sat on my couch, snuggled under my blanket watching TV when my phone started to ring. I picked it up and looked at the screen seeing it was my twin sister Alexis so I answered it quickly,

"Lex, hey, Happy Birthday!!!" I shouted down the phone, laughing a little when I heard her squeak in surprise.

"Hey Y/N, Happy birthday!!!" She said laughing before she became serious. "So look I have news, Dad has dragged me to one Quantico, Virginia." She said. I some how choked on air making me have a coughing fit.

"HE'S WHAT...WHERE IS HE NOW?" I asked shocked.

My dad is best selling author Richard Castle, when I was 18 I moved to Quantico to go to uni while my twin sister Alexis stayed closer to home. I would see my dad every now and then but he never visited to often. After I graduate College I joined the BAU over at the FBI and I started traveling so the visits to New York became less frequent until I was lucky if I saw my dad once or twice a year. Lexi how ever would visit every month, she had a key so if I was on a case she would just let herself in and stay until I got home or until she had to leave. Usually it was just to get away from the madhouse that is New York.

"We're at the airport. He had to go to the bathroom. I figured I should give you a heads up, let you clean up and warn that boyfriend of yours. You know how he gets especially when he finds out about Spencer." She replied.

This is going to be a disaster.

"He's gonna kill me isn't he?" I asked as I stood to my feet beginning to pace around my living room. I have been with my boyfriend Spencer for about two years now and I hadn't told my dad yet, I figured it would be better to tell him face to face but I chickened out every time I had the chance.

"Trick you're 24 years old it's not like he can ground you for having a boyfriend." She laughed making me calm down calling my by my nickname he had called me since I was a kid. "Oh here he comes, I gotta go see you in about an hour. Bye Trick." She said before hanging up. "Bye Lex." I said into the phone. I hung up the phone and finished the glass of water I had before I quickly did everything I could to get the house clean before dad and Lex got here. 'That should do it' I thought to my self. I sat down and turned on the TV just as the door bell rang.

Still dressed in my PJ's I ran to the door, sliding to a stop before pulling a door open and as expected my dad and twin sister stood there arms full of gifts. " DAD, Lex, What are you guys doing here?" I asked in mock surprise.

"Can it princess, Alexis told me she told you I was here." He said look the slightest bit upset.

"Yeah well she had to make sure I was home, I could have been on a case." I laughed as I stepped aside.

"Oh yeah, the big job at the FBI, how is it?" He asked placing the gifts on my coffee table before taking his coat off.

"It's great. I have an amazing team, I love them all." I said as I took a seat next to my dad on my couch. I watched as Lex sent a slight smirk my way before jumping up.

"Come on lets open presents." She shouted grabbing two gift bags. "These are from grams. She said she wanted to come but thought we all need some time together." She said as we opened the gifts. I put my hand in my bag and pulled out a bracelet with a diamond studded letter of my name. Lex seemed to have the same only with her initial. The next gift was from Lex with was a photo frame filled with photos of her and I growing up. "Lex I love it!" I said as I hugged her tight.

"Yeah I noticed you didn't have many of the two of us so..." she said as she opened the gift from me. I had gotten her a few book I knew she was wanting to read, a new Ipod filled with song we listened to as kids and a silver ring that had, 'sister' engraved in it.

"OK, my turn, here." Dad said handing us a gift bag. Inside was a rather big cheque which was a usual gift from dad and inside was a small black box. I opened it to find a small silver locket with my name engraved on the front. Inside the locket on one side was a small photo of Alexis and I from a while back on the day I left New York and on the other said was the picture of Alexis, dad and I on our high school graduation. "wow this is beautiful dad thank you." I said as Lex and I hugged him tight.

"Well I love you guys so you deserve only the best." He said to both of us. "Oh and this is from Beckett." He said handing my a big gift bag, "and this is from Ryan and Esposito."

"Yeah I opened mine back home." Lex said as she handed me a smaller bag. Inside the bag from the boys was coffee cup the said 'Worlds Best FBI Agent' which made me laugh.

In the bag that came from Beckett was a black leather jacket, just like her "Wow this is amazing, she remembered." I laughed. I looked over at my dad and Lex and hugged them both before pointing them both into the kitchen for a drink and food while I ran to get changed.

I changed into a pair of skinny jeans and a white top, I added my locked from my dad and bracelet from grams before slipping on a pair of converse, my most beloved shoes. I brushed through my hair and left it in it's curly state and I walked out to find my dad looking around my living room. He was stood my a picture of me and the BAU team that had been taken just after my first case with them.

"This the team?" he asked pointing at the picture once he noticed I had come into the room.

"Yeah, it was taken just after my first case, we went out to celebrate and had the picture taken" I replied smiling at the picture.

"I noticed you don't have the picture of me, you, your sister and Beckett up. the one that was taken before you left, is there something wrong with it?" He asked, a little hurt in his eyes began to show. I smiled and shook my head walking over and hugging him tight.

"That picture is one of my favorites so that has a place on my desk in the office along with a picture of Lex and I and the photo of your's and Kate's wedding. that sit there at my desk for the whole team to see. My family." I smiled at him, kissed his cheek and walked back over to the sofa to sit down.

It was then Lexi entered the room. "FYI Y/N, I black SUV as pulled up outside the house." She called as she handed me a glass of water which I placed in the table by my seat, I became a little clumsy as I realized what that meant so I accidentally knocked over a framed photo of Spencer and I which sat on the table.

As I reached to pick it up a hand beat me to it. I looked at the photo frame that held the photo from the first day we had moved it, I was on Spencer's back, he was smiling up at me and I was smiling back at him. We both had on scruffy, comfy clothing as we were moving into the house. I loved the picture as you can see the love and admiration we had for each other.

I smiled slightly at the picture then looked up at the person holding it to find my dad looking at it wide eyed. "Who's this?" He asked I looked at him and opened to my mouth to speak. I was lost for words. How do I tell my dad about Spencer with out upsetting him...I don't. That was when the front door opened and closed.

"Hey, Y/N, I'm home." I heard Spencer Call as he entered the house. I looked at my dad and smiled shyly. here goes.

"Dad, there's someone I want to you to meet." I said as Spence walked into the room. At the sight of him I smiled and ran over to him, pulling him in for a kiss before I pulled away and turned to my dad. "Dad, this is my boyfriend, Dr Spencer Reid." I said introducing them.

"Wow, Mr castle it's nice to meet you." Spencer offered his hand to my dad to shake but my dad just stared at him.

"A BOYFRIEND, SINCE WHEN!" He shouted. I flinched a little before turning to him again.

"We've been together for about two years." I said calmly

"TWO YEARS."

"Yeah, I wanted to tell you face to face but when we finally did get to see each other you always seemed so happy, I mean I didn't want to ruin that for you." I replied as I walked over to him and took his hand.

"You kept this from me for two years." He said, although it sounded more like a question. so I nodded.

"In her diffence Dad you do go crazy when I comes to boys and you know as well as I do you would have tried to talke her out of dating him and moving in with him." Lexi said trying to reason with him how ever his eyes widened and he looked like he was about to explode,

"you live with him." he shouted, I nodded and sat down on the couch, I could see the disappointment in his eyes. "I should have told him sooner, he's right, that way he would be looking at me like I just made the biggest betraile in the history of man." I sighed as I grabbed my jacket off of the chair beside me and went out back to get some fresh air.

I sat there looking around the back yard for a while as I sat on the back porch swing. I was quiet and calm as a slight breeze blow my hair a little. I moved the hair and placed it behind my ear as I heard the door open and close, I looked up to see Spencer standing there smiling over at me.

"Hey" he said as he came and sat by me, I smiled and snuggled into his side as we sat and watched the trees sway in the breeze.

*Castles point of view*

"She should have told me Alexis, she could have saved her self and argument, im just saying." I grumbled sitting n the couch.

"Are you really putting all the blame on her. Dada as we grew up you became so protective it was impossable to even be in the same room as a boy let alone work with one. it got to the point where we had to be secretive about school projects when we were ever paired with a boy. you made it inpossable for us to come to you with problems that involved the oppersite sex and going to gram was crazy because she would always bring up past relationships and scare the hell out of us." Lexi reasoned laughing at the metion of my mothers tails. "She was just scared she was going to disappoint you. she told me the second Spencer had asked her to coffee, and she was so excited to tell Kate when he asked her to move in with him. But every time she got happy she was always upset seconds later because this was stuff she wanted to share with you."

"Then why didn't she?"

"because you would have done something crazy, the second she had mentioned Spencer you would have demanded her return home, or worse, you would have moved out here so you could keep an eye on her."

"no i wouldn't" I argued back

"You would and you would have made a huge deal out of such a small matter."

"That still doesn't make it OK that she lied to me for TWO YEARS Lexi."

"OK so she didn't tell you about Spencer, but she never lied to you dad, you never asked her about her life here, and you never made and effort to come visit. you are so caught up in Beckett and the NYPD you never once thought about coming to visit...what makes it worse is Beckett has been here to visit since they moved in here." Lex explained. I shrunk down in my seat and sulked a bit, I knew she was right, after she left I stopped trying to stay in her life. I called every once in a while and even when she came to visit I was always choosing to work with NYPD that spend time with her.

I sighed and stood up, walking towards where Y/N and Spencer had walked, but something caught my eye. My daughter, sitting on a swing, cuddled into her boyfriends side. I watched as they talked and it took all but seconds for a smile to form on her face and I couldn't help but smile at her. She laughed and the smile never faded, even when she caught sight of me.

"See, he's good for her dad. She left home to come work here, leaving her family and everything she loved behind. Spencer was the first person to become her friend, he gave her hope and the feeling she wasn't alone out here. He wants to be with her forever. Just think about that before you judge him dad because he's family now." Lex laughed before she walked passed me and out to see Y/N and Spencer.

Maybe she was right, he didn't see so bad. Y/N was happy and that was all that mattered.

*Y/N P.O.V*

After a little while of talking to Lex and Spencer his phone rang so he answered it and Lex and I went to see Dad. I stepped inside to see my dad was at the window watching, smiling as he saw us. "OK so I was upset you kept something from for so long, I'm sorry I over reacted." he said as he walked over, pulling me into a hug. I smiled and hugged him back, Pulling Lex into the hug too.

We stayed this way until Spencer came into the room smiling at me us. "That was Hotch, he and team will be here in 45 mins, Rossi has told me he will be cooking so he needed to know numbers, I assume you are staying for dinner Lex, Mr Castle?" He asked politely I nodded at him before they could answer for themselves. "They're staying, We'll get the guest room ready and Lex you got your room set up so there you go." I stated as I mover from my dads arms," right if the team are on the way, Lex you can freshen up if you want you know where everything is, Mr, Castle I'll show you to the guest room and Y/N you can do as you wish because you already look amazing. Happy Birthday again by the way." He said passing me a small gift bag pulled out of his shoulder bag before he walked away, my day and Lexi following.

He had already given me my birthday presents this morning before work and I hadn't expected anything else. I smiled down at the small bag as I opened it to find a little black box and a envelope, inste the black box was a small silver ring, the words 'promise' scribbles on the inside and a small diamond sat in the center.

I opened the envelope and smiled as I read a letter that was written in his writing.

Y/N,

Firstly, Happy Birthday, I hope the past year has been everything you hoped it would be and I hope all the years ahead are just a joyful and happy. I do hope to be there for as many birthdays you celebrate on this earth. In sort this is the letter in which I tell you how much I deeply and truly love you, and plan on doing so for the rest of my life however long of short that maybe. but here it goes.

I told you the day we met I wasn't a people person. That was and in some ways still is true, I wasn't the type of person to just was up to someone and just say hi, but I was drawn to you. I couldn't help but light up inside when I saw you, and although it did take me a while to figure out what it ment, I can honestly say that it saw love at first sight. I knew I had to meet you, say hello and become your friend.

I can't tell you how thankful I am for you. You keep me fed when my head is stuck in a book or in a case file. You make sure I eat and sleep and in all honesty you make me the happiest I have ever been. You tell me you love me every morning and night, your smile lights up my whole day and I just can't tell you how much I want to wake up to that smile everyday for the rest of my life, If you'd let me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I hope you'll marry one day, but for now I just want you to know that I am promising every moment of the rest of my life to you. I love you Y/N and I don't think I tell you that enough, so I have got this ring, so you know that when you wear it you know I love you, I have loved you since we met and I will love you for as long as I live. Basically this is a long winded way of me asking for you hand in marriage, if not now at least in the future. So I guess I'll leave you with this...Y/F/N, Will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me, please.

yours always

Dr, Spencer Reid

(Hopefully you future husband.)

After I read the letter I couldn't stop smiling, I knew It had taken a lot for him to write that as he wasn't one for emotions. I turned to find Spencer standing behind me, I worried and panicked look in his eye. "So, what do you say, are you will to be Mrs Reid for the rest of you life?" he asked, fear and nerves evident in his voice.

"Yes." I nodded as I ran into his arms, I kissed him hard and long while he spun me around. I felt me feet plant on the floor and he let me go, gabbing the ring box and sliding the ring onto my finger, kissing my hand before kissing my lips once again.

"So, did you do it," My dad came into the room, I looked at him confused and looked back at Spencer. "We had a little chat in the guest room." My dad explained. I smiled up at Spencer before I nodded and my dad smiled happily. "You sure this is what you want...you happy?" He asked I nodded and walked over to him.

"I am the happiest I have ever been dad I promise."

"Good, now, you should go tell your sister before she dies of excitement." My dad laughed as he hugged me tight and kissed my forehead. "He's right, it does seem a little fast for me but I saw how happy he makes you so I guess I could give you to him, as long as you promise, no more secrets." He whispered to which I nodded and kissed his cheek before running of to tell my sister of my engagement.

After telling my sister the news and nearly being defend by her screams, I decided to to change into something a bit more appropriate for a meal with family and friends. so I changed into a simple red dress that hugged my body perfectly, a pair of black heeled shoes. I put on all my new jewelry and my ring and I took one last look in the mirror before I walked out of the room just as the door bell rang. I made my way over to my Dada and sister who was wearing something similer to me excety she wore a red skater skirt and black shoes. we looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Even at the age of 24 you two still dress alike." My dad laughed.

"Hey whats all the noise," I heard some one call I turned to see Hotch and Jack standing my the door.

"Jack!" I shouted excitedly and he ran over to me and in to my arms, "hey, little guy, hows it going?" I asked.

"Great, Happy Birthday Y/N" He smiled as I knelt down so he could kiss my cheek. Soon after Hotch and Jack arrived so did JJ and Henry, then Derek and Penelope and Rossi and Emily arrived last. All my favorite people in one room, well all except two.

I had managed to great everybody and thank them for come when there was one last knock at the door "Y/N AND Lex could you get that." Spencer called, we both nodded and weboth went to the door. I pulled open the door to find two very smiley and excited faces.

There, just our side my door stood our Gran and Beckett. "Hey, what are you guys doing here?" Lexi and I both asked at the same time as we hugged them.

"Well Spencer invited us but we weren't to tell anyone so know body knew." Beckett smiled as she make her way to me. "Y/N It's so good to see you again." she said smiling bright, "Happy Birthday."

we moved aside and allowed them into the house so they could go see our dad and meet everyone. After the great look of shock on my dads face at the sight of his wife and mother, it was time for dinner so we all sat around the huge dinning table and began to enjoy our meal. until about half way through when my dad wanted to make a spech.

"Ok so I'll make t quick as I know Dr Reid is dying to tell you guys something really big." He said pointing over to Spencer and I who were smiling up at him. "Today I arrived he with the intention of surprising my daughter but her twin sister told her I was coming so that flow out the window. However I did get a surprise of my own, I learnt the my baby girl had a boyfriend, not only that but they are living together and all my family and friends including my wife knew of this but didn't tell me. Now you can imagine how upset I was at this but while I was sulking in the corner I happened to witness something that I couldn't begin to explain how amazing it made me feel. I saw my baby girl happy and In love. She wasn't even doing anything worth smiling about, she was just sitting there but as soon and she saw him her face lit up, I saw her whole world come together in a split second and I guess as a father thats all you ever want to see, so I guess what I'm trying to say is I am so thankful you happy. but It was Lex who had the job of being the adult, telling me about the amazing life she had seen her sister have while here. ever since they day they were born, Lex and Y/N shared and unbreakable bond and I am so happy to see that thats not changed, so Happy Birthday Y/N and Lexi, I hope you have many happy years in your future and that even though you are miles apart most of the time, I hope you keep the bond between you two. I love you guys." My dad spoke and he kissed both my mine and Lexi head. "Now, over to you Dr Reid."

"Thinks Mr,Castle. I guess I just want to say really quickly happy birthday to my beautiful fiance and my amazing soon to me sister in law." Spencer said simply before sitting down next to me and smiling, watching all the faces of out friends turn from confusion to shock to happiness all in a matter of seconds as they took in the news.

"So yeah, I finally had the guts to ask Y/N to marry me and she said yes." Spencer clarified just in case it wasn't clear.

The rest of the night was filled with congratulations and birthday wishes as we ate and drank happily with my family and friends. It was a strange feeling having them all in the same room as I had spent so long keep both parts of my life separate but it was nice to see them all together and getting along, telling stories of my childhood and time working with the BAU. All in all today was my favorite birthday ever. I had all my family there with me, all my friends were there. My twin sister came to spend ye another birthday with my and the man I loved wants to marry me. I don't think life could get better.

X

[wordsonpagespress]

Venus, by Sara Flemington

fiction by Sara Flemington | third-place winner of the 2016 Blodwyn Memorial Prize in fiction, sponsored by Book*Hug

We were suddenly on a lucky streak. Following a very long, very unlucky streak. For example, the movies. Four bad movies in a row. And you being the type of person who could tell right away if a movie was going to suck or not, and me being the type who was clairvoyant enough to start panicking as early as the concession if it seemed like I’d taken someone out to a sucky movie, it was an all around uncomfortable series of unfortunately campy and “ha-ha” date nights. Then, there was X. Popping up everywhere: drugstore aisles, bars, the post office. And you being nice enough to always say hi, and me being nice enough to not comment on how her smile made her look like she was teething, or ask the reason as to why she was regularly done-up as if about to hit Prom ’85, we always had to stop and have a quaint little chit-chat about her newest accomplishments — arts-grants-wise — or about the tragic passing of Dear Aunt Beatrice, who was nothing if not her biggest source of moral support and guidance, as the lesbian of the family, and therefore, the only other dissenter. And on top of all that, the cactuses died. For no reason, as if by suicide to get away from the doomed home they had recently been moved into. And so I was pretty certain that, Mercury retrograde aside, I had become a jinx for you and our love would never be allowed its proper chance to sprout, let alone effloresce, (remember that homemade haircut I tried to give you ultimately resulting in a entire shaving of the head?) and in very little time you would, in turn, begin to despise me and wish we had never met and hope that somehow, in some life, you might find your way back to the inflatable tube man arms of X.

And then, Christmas came. But not in the It’s a Wonderful Life sense of the holiday, where we both would learn the power of a positive outlook; more like, in the holiday-packs-of-scratch-tickets sense. Because we were sitting beside each other at the very back of the very last bus of the night, heading home from drinking far too much acrid red wine at a disappointing poetry reading held at the “recently renovated” i.e. recently primer-painted community art gallery, and the heat was cranked far too high for our winter jackets and toques and scarves so we were both uncomfortably sweating through the crevices of our armpits and nostrils, and the reddish + greenish hue our skin had adopted from the alcohol + overhead bus lighting was making us appear even more dismal than we already naturally did. And that’s when I spotted them, jammed between the two seats directly across from us: the shimmering, unopened stack of lottery cards. Of course, it took a while for one of us to get up and “just take them,” being overly anxious over-thinkers plus regular sufferers of mental inertia, but finally, seconds from our stop, I threw my arms up as high as they could go in a puffy winter jacket + two more layers of sweaters and declared, “It’s not like they’re gonna be winners anyway,” and tucked them into purse. Then we stepped off the bus into the refreshingly frozen night.

But I was wrong. Ten dollars. That’s what we won. And Jupiter was about to make its move through Cancer.

“Can you believe it?” I said to you — sincerely, actually. “Can you believe we just happened upon these tickets? And now we have enough to buy like, four more bus rides? That’s like, two bus rides each.”

And you with your ever-salient shrug replied, “Happened upon? Really?”

Regardless, that was just the start. Because then, along came the cat.

“How is the cat good luck?” you argued. “He’s disgusting and annoying and he gets litter everywhere. And I’m pretty sure he’s slow. Like slow slow. Watch his eyes.”

“But, re-examine the point,” I begged. “So I was just walking along, like normal, like I always am, and right there in the window, there’s this little guy! Fresh off the streets, all shaking and on-sale and with a weird squinty eye. Look, it looks like he’s winking. Which is just like how you described your beloved childhood cat that only just two nights ago you had come across an old picture of and went on and on about how much you missed so much, which led right into a conversation about adopting our own little kitten –”

“Maybe adopting our own little kitten.”

“Maybe adopting our own little kitten. But anyway, here he is, and it was clearly meant to be.” And even though, granted, this particular kitty was a bit off somehow, he did serve to prove my point that good, possibly even great things, were now on the horizon for us. You still didn’t believe me at this point, but you had, at least, learned to love to humour me, and also learned to love the oddly vacant cat, while I was taking a daily inventory of signs from the universe divining our good fortune:

Your favourite hat — lost two months prior — resurfaced, magically, while I was cleaning out the refrigerator.

The day every single item written down on our grocery list was on sale at the grocery store.

The cookie thing (when the second cookie got stuck to the one we bought to share, but the lady behind the counter didn’t notice, so basically we just got a free cookie, which was mostly good for you because then I wouldn’t eat two thirds of the first one after claiming I only wanted a single chocolate chip and leaving you with basically nothing).

The second chance you gave me at giving you a haircut, and it turned out to be a pretty spot-on attempt modelled after a picture of Ryan Gosling.

The discovery that we had, at one point, attended the same film screening in Toronto, on the same day, years before ever meeting in real life.

The discovery that we had ALSO been at the same concert for one of our mutually favourite bands, in Toronto, on the same night, ALSO before ever meeting in real life.

The lucid dream I swear we shared.

“Maybe you’re right, like, maybe we’re soul mates or something,” you said one day, petting the winking feline and, joking or not, I continued to discover more coincidences to add to the inventory; a rare 1979 Boba Fett Loose Action Figure with Original Back Blaster for pennies in a bin of kids books at Goodwill; the big power outage and thus free popsicles from the convenience store the same night I found some old weed in the bookcase; the twenty bucks in the building’s dryer. Even kitty seemed to be getting a little bit smarter, not batting his turds out of the litter box so often. And with the new moon beginning to wax, everything in both of our entire lives began to feel like it was not only coming together to complete a circle in which we would inevitably end up in the centre of — deeply happy and entirely X-less — but a sphere. Like we existed in some sphere type thing, like a planet, like our own planet following its own orbital path. Or fate. Or something.

“You’re losing your mind,” you said to me, combing your fingers through my hair one night as we lay across the couch watching yet another good movie. Maybe, baby, maybe. But maybe, I wasn’t, actually. Because then, as it often happens when things are going well, I started to wonder when it all might start to go wrong again; you know, when karma would decide it was time to balance things out. It was turning into spring, and while everyone around us was getting cheerier and everything around us was getting colourful and good-smelling, I was becoming paranoid that at any moment you’d be calling me at work in the throes of a severe allergy attack, or the hospital would be calling me with news of your newly broken legs due to a bicycle accident (knock on wood), and I continued to I waver consistently between calm and vomit-mode. But these grand fears never materialized. What did end up materializing was the bagel you burned one sunny morning resulting in the whole apartment smelling like singed sesame seeds.

“That’s a thing,” I said.

“It’s not a thing if I don’t even care,” you replied.

And I guess I kind of liked the smell.

So while I was out, walking along again, like I always did, I decided to take a chance and step inside the floral boutique I usually passed by but of course, never went inside of anymore. I meekly approached the thin young florist with a swoopy haircut and very well-ripped jeans who was tying white ribbons around lilac bouquets, and asked:

“Excuse me, I was just wondering, which plant would be relatively easy to maintain and, maybe doesn’t require much extra care and maybe, you know, could be left alone for an extended period of time or even accidentally forgotten about and still be okay afterward?”

And whose shrill snort should I hear pipe up right behind me, followed by her sudden eagerness to show off all of the green-thumb knowledge she had apparently accumulated over her many years of being perfect at everything, but X. Our lovely lanky phantom X.

“A cactus?” she laughed, and began in on how she used to raise orchids, nurse Venus flytraps, shape bamboo stalks into elaborate spirals and hearts and I could feel the acid reflux pushing up my trachea and clogging my nasal cavity. Sensing my panic, the florist stepped out from behind the counter, linked his arm through mine like a best girlfriend, and directed us safely away from X and towards the corner of the room, where the moderate moisture-loving shade-dwellers were kept.

“I think you’ll do just fine with one of these,” he said. I pocketed the laminated fertilization instructions.

And that was the day I brought home the spider plant. I set it down in the middle of the kitchen table with a dramatic thud, and I stood there and looked you in the eye and I made a promise. I promised that I would keep the damn thing pretty and green as long as I lived in this damn apartment with you, so help me dammit, and I may never be able to cultivate a banana plant or whatever, and even if we wake up one day to a flood or a fire or full body rashes or something, or Mars and Saturn and Pluto all simultaneously backspin right through both of our signs at the same time, I will still be here, keeping everything pretty and green and alive, for you, and for that weird cat over there, and for this plant, and that was about the point when I started to run out of breath, and kind of doubled over a bit, and realized how comforting it felt to know that while I was there, one hand on my chest and one hand stroking the long pointy leaves of our newest addition, you were looking at me with that composed smile.

“Okay, love. Sounds good.”

[queenzufufu]

Youngsters (5/?)

Summary: For the kids at The Rooster teeth care home, life hasn’t always been easy. They’ve come from broken homes, broken families. They’ve escaped with broken bones and broken spirits. But at least now they have a second chance to be happy with a real family.

Well…that’s easier said than done when your family includes a hyperactive midget, an over eager wrestling fanatic and a boy who just can’t go a day without punching something…or someone.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 AO3

“If you can do school, you can do a nine to five.” - Jack

“So Amy was like - Geoff.”

“I’m listening.”

“Hmm, so Amy was all like…”

Okay, so that was a little white lie. Geoff wasn’t listening, hadn’t been for the past ten minutes. Tina was a great girl, really. Beautiful, popular… beautiful, like fucking hot. She was prime real estate in the senior year dating market. And she had chosen Geoff - not Will Ericsson or Colton Bowers, two guys who you might say were the most eligible to be interested - she had chosen Geoff. What could he say? He could be a charming motherfucker when he wanted to be.

But God damn the girl liked to talk. Non-stop, about everything that occurred in her life, not sparing one detail and repeating everything to make sure Geoff knew it was her brown, not red shoes she had been wearing when she took her dog to the grooming salon to get a little bow put on its dumb head.

Adorable, Geoff reminded himself. Rocket - the shit zoo or whatever it was - was adorable. With his beady black eyes, manicured claws and teeth that always went straight for Geoff’s ankles. Little fucker. It’s not like I’ve ever disrespected him or anything.

At the weekend Geoff had happily envisioned dropkicking the mutt over Tina’s garden fence but managed to talk himself out of it, deciding that it might not be a good early impression to make. And early it was in their…relationship?

Did this count as a proper relationship yet?

Eleven days. It had taken eleven days to bag himself a little lady friend. Nine if you only counted the school days but Geoff wasn’t. He knew just as much work had to be put in outside of school, if not more. A master of his trade if nothing else.

Finding a girlfriend in high school? It had never really been that difficult. Not for Geoff anyhow. He’d had various girlfriends since middle school. Hanging onto them - now that was the harder part. People were so fickle in high school, whereas Geoff usually got it into his head that this was “the one” after about a month.

Ryan called him a lovesick fool more often than Geoff felt was reasonable. What did that kid know anyway? It wasn’t like Ryan had ever had a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. The boy was far more interested in Geoff’s relationships than was healthy, taunting him and mocking him about the current one whenever he got the chance. Dick.

His old car shuddered as he changed gear - shivering like it also felt the cold from the Fall weather that had finally arrived the day before. Soft splashing water droplets hit the windshield as Geoff drove onwards. They were going to the movies - seeing some rom-com Tina wanted to see. Geoff seriously hoped it wasn’t as bad as the tagline made him believe. “True love has never been truer.” Fucking really?

“Dani came over and was all - Geoff.”

“Mmm.” Geoff put just enough emphasis on the sound to make it plausible, although he could begin to sense a hard stare burning through his skin. Nevertheless, Tina carried on talking. Geoff leaned forward in his seat as the rain fell harder, blurring out the road ahead. The skies were overhung with a blanket of grey, so much so that he could barely tell the difference between the sky and the clouds. It was strangely calming, watching the raindrops race down the window, briefly getting excited when he saw a puddle coming up. Even better if there was a douchebag from school next to it.

He briefly tuned back into what Tina was saying just in case she was addressing him directly. “And so she was all…”

Nope. Still safe.

Geoff squinted ahead, making out a shape moving in the distance next to the road, slowing down in case it decided to make a move across the street in the poor visibility.

“And I said to Amy - Geoff? Geoff, are you listening to me?”

He didn’t even reply that time, too interested in the shape, which he could now make out as a person. It was a boy walking alone in the rain - no coat, just a dark hoodie and jeans which were already soaked through. He looked in no hurry to get out of the bad weather and as they drew closer, Geoff immediately recognised him. “Lawrence?” he said to himself.

Lawrence and the other middle school kids should have been picked a long time ago by Barbara or Trevor. Unless the boy had detention again but either way, he was not supposed to be here, alone.

“Geoff!” Tina eventually snapped at his blatant dismissal of her enthralling tale. “Have you even listened to a word I’ve said?”

“Hey, sorry. But that’s one of the kids at my home,” Geoff murmured, not taking his eyes off the boy, worried he might blink and the figure would be lost to the watery haze the rain was kicking up.

Tina looked, and then turned back. “So?” she asked, clearly not at all concerned or caring.

“So, he’s not meant to be walking that way. He should’ve been picked up over an hour ago.” Geoff said while ideas rushed through his head on what was the best course of action. He could call one of the carers…

Next to him, Tina ruffled in her seat, like a disgruntled bird puffing up its feathers. “So, I still don’t get why that’s so important.”

She didn’t get it but Geoff wasn’t about to waste time to explain. “Listen, I’m sorry,” he said, tearing his gaze away from Lawrence to offer her a sincere apologetic smile. “But I can’t just leave him out here. I am the oldest so I kinda feel responsible. Maybe it’s better if we do this another time? I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

He was met with complete and utter silence. That was new. Geoff gulped, unsure if this was a good or bad sign.

When she did talk, it was robotic. “Okay sure, whatever you want Geoff.” And before he knew it, she unbuckling her seat belt and opening the door before he’d fully stopped.

“Tina come on!” He cried out as he slammed his foot on the brake. His pleas had no effect as she stormed out into the rain, phone against her ear, no doubt calling one of her girlfriends to tell them what a shit head Geoff was. “Ah, shit.”

Whatever. I’ll make it up later.

With that over, he drove on until he was level with the boy, rolling down the window and calling out in a friendly, casual tone as if he were scared of startling the kid; even though he knew it would take a hell of a lot more to get a flinch out of him. “You off somewhere, Lawrence?”

As expected, for his part, the boy did a brilliant job of not looking surprised to see Geoff. Not stopping, he continued walking down the sidewalk, hands in jean pockets, head returning to the ground once he’d seen who had been calling him. Droplets of rain dropped down his sodden hair onto his forehead and face. His clothes and backpack were completely drenched and Geoff doubted any schoolwork or text books wouldn't be ruined - if the boy actually had any with him.

“Just wanted a walk,” Lawrence replied, voice not giving away anything, keeping his gaze ahead, neither speeding or slowing his walking pace. Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected. Easier to deal with than Mr. Angry, Enraged and Punch-You-Where-It-Hurts, Geoff figured.

“Uh huh,” Geoff nodded his head slowly, leaning over the passenger seat, his forearm against the door as he put on his hazard lights on to continue to match the walking pace. “Any idea where to?” he asked.

“Not really.” Lawrence shrugged deliberately, emphasising the movement and then pointing roughly in front of him. “That way.”

“Right.” Geoff knew where “that way” was headed if you walked for another fifteen minutes or so. Straight to the main bus terminal. Ah well, he’d suspected sooner or later something like this would happen - was almost surprised it had taken this long. Back in his day Geoff had been out of the door within forty-eight hours - had run away over five times during the first two weeks.

Geoff returned his stance to the wheel, tapping out a random beat on the casing. “Well, you don’t wanna go too far that way without a proper jacket on in this weather.”

Lawrence sniffed, shaking his head like a wet hound, leaving him no less wet. “I’m fine,” he replied slowly, insistent, not angry yet.

“Never said you weren’t.” A half smile swept across Geoff’s face - one that only appeared when he didn’t know how else to react. His eyes were sympathetic though. No matter how tough and unflappable Lawrence acted, Geoff couldn’t help but see him for what he was. An eleven year old kid - mature beyond his years but still…an eleven year old kid all the same.

Geoff had a certain soft spot for kids old beyond their years.

“C’mon,” he tapped the outside of the car door with his hand, uncaring about the rain plastering both him and the interior of his beloved car.

Lawrence ignored him, or at least acted like he was - still walking, one foot in front of the other like it was his mission and nobody was going to stand in his way.

“Listen,” Geoff tried again. “While you live under our roof, with me, I feel obligated to treat you like everybody else. And to everybody else, I would offer them a lift.” He paused and in that time Lawrence risked a glance his way, giving Geoff hope. “So how about I give you a lift over that way?” he asked again.

A few more paces and then Lawrence stopped, blinking beads of water off his dark lashes. Sniffing louder, he looked around - perhaps wondering how far he’d get if he ran - and then hesitantly opened the passenger door, jumping in before he could change his mind. Geoff shook his head as a splattering of water off the boy aimed straight at his face - that half of his car instantly becoming soaked too.

Geoff made a U-turn and began to drive home, turning on the radio quietly to a local station. “So…how was school?” he tried to make conversation.

“What do you care?” Lawrence threw it back, flicking through more stations, settling on one for ten seconds and then changing it.

Geoff grinned, not bothered by the rudeness in the tone like most would be. “Oh, I dunno. Call it nosy big brother syndrome.”

“You ain’t my brother,” Lawrence shot back again. “So mind your business.”

Geoff nodded, holding back his laughter. “Fair enough.” What the hell, eh? There’s something I just find amusing about how blatantly this kid does not give a fuck about me or my opinions.

Lawrence coughed, rolling down the window to spit out of it. Geoff was grateful he at least didn’t spit in the car. The boy messed about with his seat for a while, rolling back and forth, up and down, tipping it as far back as it would go before righting himself, his right leg beginning to bounce up and down tirelessly, knocking the glove box every time.

Not even those antics could draw a flinch of annoyance out of Geoff, no matter how purposefully aggravating Lawrence may or may not have been trying to be.

Geoff couldn’t explain it, couldn’t understand it. The fact of the matter was he just felt a connection to this kid. He remembered the day the boy had arrived, kicking and shouting and digging his heels into the ground, wild and angry.

At first he seemed typical of the delinquent children Geoff knew passed through the system; if a concentrated version.

He was small, scrappy, greeny-grey-eyed and dark-haired. His hands were closed fists most of the time.

A pretty usual story, Geoff had been told by Burnie, for he was the only one entrusted with further details about why a new kid was arriving. The long-term staff knew the teen’s lips would forever remain sealed, and it was often helpful if he knew a bit more information.

The kid had been put into care after his father, and only living relative, died of a heart attack when he was seven. He’d been adopted initially by a couple who already had a brood of foster children. They slipped through the cracks of the overburdened child welfare office, taking on kids for the money sent. Neglected, hungry, dirty, too many children were given to them and treated as cash registers for government funding.

They weren’t sent to school, rather learning occasional random lessons from the ‘parents’ – who barely spoke English and only spoke to their children in Spanish. The couple were exposed when one of their older children went to a neighbour begging for food for his brothers and sisters.

Sent back into the system when he was nine, Lawrence was already trouble. He was disobedient, angry. He’d come back from more than one family bruised, and more than one family claimed that he was impossible to deal with without using force. He’d been with both foster families and state homes. None of them could deal with him.

A childhood starved and neglected of any attention had kept in small – even though he was no longer the skinny and undernourished kid that had been picked up from his first foster home. At eleven he could have passed for eight – and Geoff suspected like a great many small, abused children, Lawrence overcompensated with anger and force. He suspected that because once upon a time – what felt like a lifetime ago as well as only yesterday – he had not been too dissimilar. Just a too small, angry kid.

His first meeting with the boy had been an interesting one as well. Geoff had wandered into Burnie’s office while the man had been talking to Lawrence. According to Burnie, though Lawrence had shown no interest and had been acting like he wasn’t listening to anything Burnie was telling him, he jumped up the moment Geoff walked in, yelling about how this was his time and he shouldn’t be interrupted. He had cursed in English, in Spanish, all to a very bemused and confused Geoff, who’d hastily made an exit when the boy picked up one of his discarded sneakers and threw it at him.

Yeah… it was fair to say Geoff had been intrigued by the kid from the start. His mood was so black so constantly that the sheer energy it must have taken to maintain it was a wonder. Lawrence never sulked when he could shout. Never sat in a mood when he could stomp about and cause havoc.

“So what was your plan?” Geoff tried a different angle for conversation - one he thought Lawrence might be more willing to talk about, plus he was kind of interested himself. “Beg a kindhearted stranger for money? Sneak in with the luggage? Pretend to be with someone else’s family and hope there’s a spare seat? Or just wing it?”

Lawrence glanced over at him and gave what could almost pass for a half smirk, the corner of his mouth twitching ever so slightly, most possibly out of surprise from Geoff’s train of thought. Geoff suspected he was far more used to being berated rather than questioned about his misdemeanours.

“Don’t look so surprised, kid,” Geoff said, and Lawrence tilted his head in curiosity as Geoff took an exit off the main road that would take them to their neighborhood. “I did this a lot back in the day. Bit younger than you.”

“Don’t call me kid,” Lawrence said as he kicked his legs up, crossing his feet, bringing his hands up behind his head. He leaned back, head still tilted towards Geoff, in a perfectly relaxed fashion, but actually seeming interested in what the older boy had to say.

“Force of habit,” Geoff laughed. He stopped for a red light and used the opportunity to look Lawrence in the eye. What he saw there was… well, he wasn’t quite sure. But for once it didn’t seem like pure anger. He grabbed his water and took a sip while he thought about what to say. “You know I won’t stop you, from leaving I mean, if that’s what you really wanna do. Heck, it’s what I wanted to do, and it worked out, cause I ended up here, eventually. Although I did run away from here multiple times also.” He laughed again, one short bark of amusement for his past self. “It’s…it’s where I belong, cheesy as it sounds.”

As he moved the vehicle off Lawrence was still stretched out as if he were tanning on a deck chair at the beach and not soaking the interior of Geoff’s little car. A glint of something else was in his eyes however when Geoff briefly glanced over again. Confusion? Wariness? Perhaps a mixture of both.

Geoff hesitated, and then said, “Don’t run for the sake of running Lawrence, or you’ll end up running forever.”

A not so awkward silence settled on the two, Lawrence not complaining when Geoff reached over and turned the radio off. They weren’t far from home now, and the rain was easing off, pinches of sunlight breaking through the grey. For a while Geoff wondered if Lawrence was going to speak, could sense a certain energy around the young boy, and when Lawrence drew in a deep breath he half expected him to ask a question. But all Lawrence does is breathe out slowly, his breath turning into condensation on the window next to him.

Geoff’s phone vibrated. “It’s Barbara,” he said, peering at the screen. “What do you want me to say?” He thought to leave it up to Lawrence - Geoff could give them the full story later. “Oh and do me a favour,” he added before the boy could answer, gesturing to the phone.

Lawrence looked down. He sighed, but picked up the phone anyway, holding it up to Geoff’s ear. “Tell her…” he spoke for the first time since he’d got in, eyes narrowing. A few seconds, and then he murmured, “Tell her that…that she needs to buy me a new jacket.”

He’s smiling. And fucking hell if that wasn’t a surprise to Geoff, especially when he nods and the grin widens - a truly Cheshire cat grin if he’s ever seen one.

“Hey Barb,” he answers as Lawrence stretches to press the phone against his ear. “Yeah, don’t worry about that, he’s with me,” he told her before her worried babbling could get too carried away. “Nah don’t worry, I just gave him a lift cause it was raining and we kinda got distracted, sorry. We’re coming home now - not far.”

She’d hung up before Geoff had a chance to say more, probably running off to tell Burnie and Gus it was okay, they didn’t have to involve the police yet.

The rest of the drive passed quickly and before long Geoff was pulling into the circular driveway of Rooster Teeth, parking in his unofficial spot under his bedroom window and cutting the engine. The hard rain had eased into a light drizzle and a smattering of colors painted the sky in the form of a faint rainbow.

Geoff saw movement downstairs and assumed one of the kids or staff had rushed off to inform everybody they were home.

Lawrence was still sat in his seat and Geoff wasn’t sure if he was waiting for him to get out first or was unwilling to go inside and face whatever wrath was undoubtedly coming his way.

Unthinking, Geoff reached into his pocket, looking down at the boy. Lawrence met his eyes, something open and earnest there, so strange to see on his face, but then he was frowning as Geoff handed over three ten dollar bills.

“For you,” Geoff said. “Seeing as I forgot to tell Barbara to buy that jacket for you.”

“I don’t want none of your money.” Lawrence’s defences were immediately up as he replied before Geoff had even finished speaking, eyes darting around like he was expecting an ambush.

“Don’t worry, you’re not gonna be indebted to me or anything,” Geoff assured him. “Think of this as a late welcome gift, plus a little extra, so you don’t have to worry about stowing away on a bus if you do ever decide to take a trip outta town. You do what you need.”

Lawrence still looked like he didn’t trust him one bit and Geoff worried he’d made the wrong call, but he couldn’t exactly go back on it now. “You’re right, I wouldn’t just do this for anyone,” he admitted. “But you’re a smart kid and I trust the judgment of smart kids to do what’s best in the end.”

Lawrence wasn’t quite satisfied, Geoff could see it in his tense body language. The money stayed in his hand though, and after a few more moments of intense stares he was looking away and clenching his fist around the notes.

Geoff breathed out a sigh of relief, unable to not feel a bit flustered by all that. He laughed off any tension remaining, jerking his head towards Lawrence’s door. “Anyway, get the fuck outta here, motherfucker. You made me miss one date but I will never, ever, miss the one with my dinner.”

Lawrence briefly opened his mouth as well, but shut it tight again just as fast. A tiny smirk appeared in it’s place as he opened the door, jumped out and slammed it shut as he ran inside, leaving Geoff still sat in his car trying to figure out what that small interaction had just meant.

––––

“Shit!” Geoff cried out later that evening as the baseball catapulted back at him from the tree Geoff had launched it towards.

“Almost,” Jack said, catching the ball and throwing it himself. He missed also.

They’d been out there ten minutes - after the rain had finally let off completely - deciding to undertake the task of dislodging the football Adam had somehow managed to lodge in the old oak tree out the back.

Usually by this time Jack would be firmly holed up in his and Bruce’s room, playing Minecraft or watching some movie or Netflix show. Tonight though, he needed a change up. Bruce might later claim he was avoiding him, and that would be true. Bruce would be perfectly within his right to call him out on it.

Jack’s a quiet kid in general - far quieter in school than he was at home. Bruce had been good for him in that sense, managing to keep him in the loop with the sociable crowds like the social butterfly the older boy was. Maybe it was stupid of them to think nothing would change once Bruce upped and left for high school.

He wasn’t necessarily being bullied.

He was just… he wasn’t quite sure what was happening to him. Getting isolated?

It’s confusing. It’s upsetting. It isn’t worth bothering Bruce about.

He thinks, more than anything, that this is how things were supposed to go. He didn’t have a lot going for him. He was on the heavier side of the other kids, he wore glasses, he knew he could be extremely opinionated at times. He was most definitely a nerd.

He had a group that he regularly hung out with but too often Jack felt they were doing it out of obligation. Because he was Bruce’s brother and Bruce had left as one of the most popular kids in school. Because they were nice kids and pitied Jack and his well-meaning but awkward ways.

Then he told himself to man up and deal with it. That there were kids out there in far worse situations who actually feared for their lives going into school each day. That his situation is just one of those things; it’s just the way life goes.

That’s why he’s out here with Geoff, because the older boy has a way of making him feel better and putting things into perspective without even realising it. Geoff just seems so much more of a complete and rounded human than Jack, like he’s got all his shit figured out and nothing or nobody could change that.

“Saw you dropped Lawrence off earlier,” Jack mentioned, ducking as the ball ricocheted off the wall behind him.

“Yeah,” Geoff laughed as he almost slid on the wet grass trying to catch it. “Kid was thinking about running. I put some stuff into perspective for him.”

Perspective. Right. That’s what Jack knew Geoff was good for.

“The Great Geoff, to the rescue again,” he only half joked.

“That’s what they keep me around for,” Geoff said. There was a distant look in his eyes, blue reflecting unknown memories or emotions. “Hell, it’s a lot easier to pack up and go nowadays in this city than it was for me. Probably safer too if you think about it. Still surprised how lucky I got that none of the guys I hitchhiked with were child predators or murderers of something.”

Jack nodded, slowly. He was trying to imagine, as he had done many times, just what it would take to run away from your own family. Horrors he probably didn’t wan’t to imagine about too hard. “No, they were something far, far worse,” he replied. “They were from…Alabama!”

Geoff looked him up and down, unimpressed. “Asshole,” he said with a chuckle, shaking his head. “Anyway, it wasn’t just Alabama. I made it across half the country before I got picked up.”

“Was that by the cop who stank of weed or the cop who actually smoked a joint in front of you?”

“The latter. How else d’you think I got away so easily?”

Jack shrugged. “You’re always going on about how freaking smart you were as a kid.” He lobbed the baseball at the tree once more. “Dang it!” So close. He peered at Geoff through the corner of his eye. “Thought evading a few cops would come easily,” he jested.

Geoff looked startled, then oddly flustered. “Yeah, not when you’re tired and hungry, it doesn’t,” he replied shortly.

Ouch, if that didn’t hit Jack where it hurt. He hung his head until he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Geoff smiling gently at him, letting him know there were no hard feelings.

Jack still felt bad though. Sometimes it was so hard to tell with his foster siblings what sort of mood they were in. There were days when Geoff would have taken his harmless jibe for what it was, and retorted with a similar one. But there were also days when his siblings would be so caught up in the past and all that had happened to them, Jack would find himself dredging up further painful memories or experiences, entirely unintentional.

He supposed it was just another example of how he an outcast in that sense. Although Bruce was too, and Ryan, little Jeremy also. They’d loved their families with all their heart, but he didn’t see them making things awkward for everyone else. Jeremy could at times say stuff that wasn’t quite appropriate for the time or place but he had an excuse; he was only five years old.

Jack should have known better by now.

“Hey Michael,” Geoff’s greeting brought him out of his stupor. He looked across to see the eight year old marching outside in a dark blue raincoat and boots, hair extra curly from the earlier rain. He came with baseball bat in hand, obviously here to help with their pitiful attempts. “How’s it going, kiddo?” Geoff asked, fondling the brown mop playfully.

“School sucks,” Michael replied with characteristic bluntness.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Michael confirmed, handing the bat to Geoff. “My teacher hates me.”

Geoff shared an amused glance with Jack. “How’s that?” he asked.

Michael looked away. He dug his hands into his pockets, kicking up the ground beneath him. “He made me stand outside the whole afternoon,” he grumbled. “And then I had to apologise to the class for disrupting them even though I wan’t doing nothing!”

“So you disrupted the class by doing nothing?” Geoff repeated dryly. “That sounds very unlike you, Michael.”

“Yeah, spill,” Jack added, smiling a bit. Michael’s mannerisms and story telling often made even the dullest tale entertaining.

Michael stared down at the ground some more, then looked back up at the older two with something almost mocking in his eyes. “I might have got out of my seat at one point…”

“And…?” Jack raised his eyebrows.

“And crawled around on the floor to be like a spy,” Michael said, voice mischievous. “Like James Bond.”

Jack racked his brain to try and figure which Bond movie had the action hero crawling around in a elementary class.

Geoff, meanwhile, was already laughing, hard. “Under the tables and chairs of other students?” he asked.

Michael bit his lip - expression something wild, proud. “Yep.”

“C’mon Michael, it’s only the start of the year. You’ve got to pace yourself a little,” Geoff poked the little boy’s shoulder before crying out angrily as the ball he had just batted directly hit the football but only slightly dislodged it. “I swear I’m gonna kill Adam, like, actually murder his little ass.”

“Not my fault it’s so boring,” Michael defended.

“It’s school. It’s supposed to be boring,” Jack pointed out. “It teaches you how to be an adult and deal with boring jobs. You’ve gotta start treating school like a job. If you can do school, you can do a nine to five.”

That’s why Jack knew he had to get over whatever he was going through. If he had a mini breakdown each time he suspected someone was whispering behind his back, he was hardly going to cope in the real world.

“Yeah well I’m not gonna have a nine to five,” Michael began, fetching the ball again and getting ready to throw it to Geoff. “I’m gonna do something better. Just don’t know what yet. But better.” He sighs as Geoff misses again, stalking over and snatching the bat off the eldest, handing it to Jack.

“Now that, I can relate to,” Geoff agrees, only slightly miffed about his demotion to ball fetcher. “Least you’ve got another ten years before you have to decide what you’re gonna do with your life.”

“Aren’t you going to community college to become a…a tractor or whatever with builders?” Michael asked.

“Contractor - and no, I don’t know. That was just an idea. I’ve got a lot of fucking ideas these days,” Geoff said quietly.

Jack frowned. He thought Geoff had it all figured out also - knew where he was going and what he wanted. But the last he’d heard was that the older boy wanted to become a journalist, was aiming for a scholarship to get into the more prestigious city school.

Jack had thought that was a great idea. Geoff was good with all people and had way of getting them to open up. He was also witty with his words and knew how to tell a story. Was that just an idea too?

“You could work here,” Michael piped up, hopeful. “Then you wouldn’t ever have to leave!” He raised the baseball in the air and Jack nodded, readying his stance.

“Jesus, no. I love y’all but I gotta get out at some point,” Geoff instantly rebutted the idea. He whooped with joy as Jack’s shot finally knocked the football to the ground with a satisfying thunk. “C’mon! That’s what I’m talking about! Fucking A!” he yelled, high-fives all around.

After the celebrations, Michael pouted. “What’s wrong with here?”

Geoff huffed out a laugh. But he wrapped an arm around Michael’s neck and pulled him into his side. “You’ll understand someday when you’re ready to make your own way in the world,” he said as Michael wriggled and escaped, wildly grinning.

“Here he goes again,” Jack said. “Uncle Geoff with his words of wisdom.”

“I’m just saying…” Geoff said, gesturing at the home - the grounds, the building, Jack and Michael. “I can’t grow old here.”

“Umm no, you can’t, cause you get kicked out anyway once you’re eighteen,” Michael replied cheekily. He kicked at the ground some more, bringing up tufts of earth and grass. He sighed loudly, as if there was a question building up in him.

“Something other than school bothering you, kid?” Geoff took the initiative and asked before Michael said a word.

“No - yeah,” Michael continued after a moment. “I mean…maybe,” he admitted, tone turning serious.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Michael gazed up at Geoff and Jack saw the bright glimmer of hope in his eyes. “You got any idea about how to help Gav?” Michael asked sincerely.

“Why?” Geoff leapt on the question with urgency, and Jack knew why - he himself was putting on a concerned, wide-eyed look. He was protective over all his younger siblings, but none more so than Gavin. “What’s the matter?” Geoff questioned anxiously.

“Nightmares again,” Michael murmured. “Not loud otherwise I would’a woken up. But they’ve been keeping him up recently -  can tell.”

Yeah, little guy has been extra tired recently, and if the bags under his eyes are anything to go by…

“We’re going swimming lessons with Jeremy, to try and help him not be ‘fraid of water. Burnie said it was cool,” Michael told them. “But I dunno if that’ll actually help him sleep better… or with anything.”

Geoff was silent for a moment, thinking things over. “I’m not a therapist, Michael,” he said gently.

Michael nodded, still gazing up hopefully. “But you can help, right?” he asked, unable to help himself. “You always help.”

Geoff gave him a helpless look as tossed the ball in his hand. “I’d be no more help than that lady he and James see. Less,” he pointed out, and Michael dropped his head.

“Nicki,” he said. “She’s nice but Gav… he don’t wanna speak to her. Burnie and that already tried. He only speaks to us and then they tell her what he’s said and she gives advice.”

He said it proudly, like he was happy he was in Gavin’s trusted circle. Jack wasn’t sure if that was such a good thing - great, to be trusted and all - but the fact that Gavin trusted so few…

Suppose that’s what you got from a kid who didn’t even know his own last name when the authorities found him.

“I’ll…I’ll talk to him,” Geoff said eventually. “Maybe take him down to the bags, see if I can’t get him to open up some more or at least let some of his feelings out some way.”

Michael nodded, not quite satisfied, but happier. “That could help,” he replied. “It helped before.”

Helped us all, Jack thought.

Geoff smiled a little, but Jack could tell he felt strained under the unintentional pressure Michael had just thrust upon him. His reward for being the eldest, Jack supposed.

“Baby steps, Michael,” Geoff reminded the boy. “As long as he’s going forward that’s all that matters. Kid was used as some sort of lab rat for their sick experiments for years. You don’t just bounce back from that, kid, you know that. And I know you two are tight but he hasn’t really been here all that long. Don’t be expecting too much from him.”

“I know. I just wanna help in any way I can,” Michael replied, innocently. “I won’t hurt him none.” He seemed awful sure of that, unaware that his actions might have any sort of consequence.

“I know,” Geoff assured him. “Just…just try not to push him too hard, okay?”

Michael’s face softened, frown lines vanishing from his forehead. “Yeah… he’s strong though, stronger than he thinks.”

“Never truer words,” Geoff agreed.

Jack shook his head, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Damn, he’s the toughest kid here and he doesn’t even know it.”

Michael looked at him pointedly, the mischievous glint returning. “Good. He’s already the cutest and most lovable, blah, blah, blah. We don’t need his head getting any bigger,” he ranted, throwing up his arms in a ranting gesture. A moment later his face lit up and he tapped Geoff on the arm. “Hey Geoff, talking of people who are supposed to be all innocent, that reminds me. Trevor –”

“Hold that thought,” Geoff cut him off, staring hard through the closest window. “I see something that needs Burnie’s immediate attention.” And without another word he was hurrying off leaving behind his startled younger brothers.

Michael walked to where Geoff had been standing and stared in the same general direction. Jack watched as the frown returned and then was replaced by a look of exasperation.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Lawrence.” Michael replied simply. “Drinking a beer.”

Jack let out a laugh of disbelief and had a look too, squinting through one window and out the one of the other side of the house. There indeed, at the front of the house, was just that.

Beside him, Michael let out a groan of despair, odd coming from a boy so young.

“This place, I swear,” he said. “It gets crazier every day.”

Part 4 - TBC -

[cover32-yahoopartner-blog]

Buffalo Bills: Things we know this Week

Just when I had the opener to this particular article nailed down before we head into training camp, I clicked on the commentary from one year ago to this very day and got a tad shocked followed swiftly by amusement after reading it.

It’s not like I stepped out of the time traveling hot tub to 1955 seeing my mom wearing her saddle shoes sipping from her hairspray bottle filled with “grandpa’s cough syrup” as she tailgates for the Enchantment under the sea dance cranking her weekly 45 vinyl single by Buddy Holly.

I did not find myself exiting a British phone booth amazingly back in good old 1987 viewing myself sporting brilliant pinned and tightly rolled “Jeans West” acid washed Dungarees. Of course that would require me noticing a pinned turtleneck under the spectacular Bugle Boys sweatshirt, Jean Jacket with punk band pins as bling. In addition, my extremely bright neon Ocean Pacific painters cap perfectly balanced on the dome top with my brand new swatch guard protecting my $20 Swatch Watch. Not too shabby.

Before I go all Marty Mcfly shouting to Doc Brown “Doc, There is something I’ve got to tell you about the future… on the night you go back in time…..” I digress….

The reason for the shocking reaction in a comical fashion was because for being only one year in the past to the very day, the article seemed like ancient news. Somewhat unrecognizable or a distant memory. Rex Ryan was declaring the offseason a victory. Well done. Rex in Effects.

It appeared Running Back would be full of bench strength with the announcement that McCoy was cleared of any wrong doing in the Philadelphia bar fight. That was the general secure feeling until Karlos Williams showed up for OTA’s overweight blaming his wife’s pregnancy on the oversight. He had to eat every time she did. Then it was announced he was going to be suspended for the first four games even if he got in to shape, for none other than substance abuse. So it was his wife’s pregnancy giving him the munchies?

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Then Jonathan Williams was suspended for Driving while intoxicated. So the running back depth soon became a big question mark and talks of Reggie Bush were showing their heads.

Wide receiver appeared adequate even with the recent loss of Chris Hogan signing with New England exclusively due to having the depth of a polished Robert Woods.

The following statement answered itself about the defense and it was not for the better:

”Losing talent on defense such as Nigel Bradham, Leodis McKelvin and Mario Williams are told to us were expendable with this year’s draft picks and free agent signings.  Time will tell if that is the fact or if last year’s poor defense made everyone’s value drop.”

Imagine that… Sammy Watkins return from an injury, yes, Watkins being injured and a return timeframe was in question bringing up the previous season how it took half of the year for him and Tyrod to gain the chemistry that showed such promise. Ok, that portion does feel like anxiety history.  It feels more like déjà vu. Let’s leap to current football events in Bills Country.

BILLS NEWS: Breaking down Buffalo’s offensive tackle depth chart

Things we know about the Buffalo Bills this week:

Veteran wide receiver Anquan Boldin has scheduled a visit to One Bills Drive. I personally think if he is healthy, it is an absolute no-brainer to lock him up for one season. Last season in Detroit, he pulled in 67 catches for 584 yards and eight touchdowns. The news is reporting he could be targeting the number three position in Buffalo. Personally, with the injury question mark with Sammy and the target number two being a rookie, the Bills need a leader and playmaker exactly like Boldin.

Tyrod Taylor was recognized with an award compliments of Sports Illustrated. The Fashionable 50 top Athletes most consistent award was where he excelled. ”The Bills quarterback easily transitions from tailored, three-piece suits to polished street-style looks—and he always does it with ease.” That’s way better than most other things that our beloved football team makes the headlines for in recent years.

We recently covered the death of former Buffalo Bills wide receiver James Hardy who was found dead last month in Fort Wayne, Indiana. This week, the coroner’s office in Allen County ruled his death a suicide by drowning. His brief NFL career which only consisted of a very short stint with the Ravens after Buffalo. Following his NFL career, Hardy was arrested in 2014 for attacking three police officers.The judge ruled he was not mentally competent to stand trial.

THE JUICE IS LOOSE! Orenthal James Simpson has been granted parole after serving nine years in prison at Lovelock Correctional Facility in Lovelock, Nevada. He commented that we could see a blog or website from him because he took classes and stayed up on things while practicing good behavior. Keep in mind that Facebook and Twitter were still just infants when he was locked up so we only heard what was reported or published in addition to the interviews that he did.

Twitter could have been his downfall had he abused it with the personality and arrogance he had. Hopefully he stays away from telling the world how innocent he is and how exactly he would have committed the murders and gotten away with it had he been guilty. The one interview he took part in years back had him almost reviewing the mistakes he made getting caught and what he would do had he have to do it again. No more conversation on O.J. because I have a feeling we will hear enough from and about him like no other come October 1.

The Juice Is Loose. Peace Out.

READ MORE: McDermott already looking like a good hire for Buffalo

The post Buffalo Bills: Things we know this Week appeared first on Cover32.

[eamonrmcivor-blog]

If You Were Born A Girl

~Wherein I discover my brother is not my brother~

When I was in second grade, my mother decided she was either going to buy a share in a horse, or have a third child.  I do remember a few visits to a stable near our house, but the clearer memory is of the fertility clinics.  Hanging out in any doctor’s office is torture enough, but the fertility clinic had a mysterious and unclear purpose (and a distinct lack of toys in the waiting room). When my parents were whisked away by a nurse, were they being taken to some sort of tacky showroom containing high-end fetuses in shiny glass jars?  “We’re having a year-end blowout on the ’92 models, but you might want to wait until the ‘93s come on the lot.  Ten fingers and ten toes come standard, or your money back.”

 My parents eventually went with a ’93 model, with a projected delivery date in mid-September.  Over the summer, my older sister Charlotte and my grandmother teased me relentlessly that the baby was going to be a girl and I was going to be outnumbered.  My mother, while not framing it in a “sisters vs. brother” context, was also pretty sure she was carrying a girl.  As the due date grew closer, we abandoned referring to “the baby” and mainly used the name my parents had picked out. Rosemary.

The day my mother went into labor, Charlotte and I stayed at my grandparents’ house.  We were informed that evening via telephone that my mother had given birth to a boy, Benjamin Joseph McIvor.  I had gotten my little brother after all!  I knew I’d have to wait a few years before he was formed and/or interesting enough to hang out with, but I was happy to have him waiting in the wings. He’d be my sidekick, my student, my smaller version of me who would be grateful for any attention because I was his older, and therefore impossibly cool, brother.  

Ben was a hilarious kid.  There are some home movies where he’s dressed in a red jacket and matching bowtie. Combine that with his cherub face and brown mop top, and he looked like a ventriloquist dummy come to life.  The funny, charming kind; not the stab-you kind. The video was shot during a family party, and he’s darting around like a maniac, but not in a hyper I’ve-had-too-much-sugar way.  He was doing schtick!  He was only three or four, but he knew how to put a whole room of adults under his spell and make them laugh uncontrollably.  

As much as I aspired to be the perfect older brother, I did indulge in that beloved pastime of all siblings: teasing.  When Ben was in kindergarten, Charlotte and I convinced him he was born a beagle that had been shaved and given plastic surgery to look human.  On his eleventh birthday, I bought him a Yu-Gi-Oh DVD, and stashed it inside a purse before putting on wrapping paper. The gag went over like gangbusters with everyone except Ben, who violently threw the purse across the room.

 “If you were born a girl, we would have named you Rosemary,” was a line I resorted to with great frequency.

Once he turned fourteen, Ben grew his hair down to his shoulders.  However, he was a student of Archbishop Ryan High School, and as you might imagine, the Catholics are not too fond of ponytails on men. He met with the disciplinarian on almost a daily basis, and was in danger of being suspended.  I had grown my hair long as soon as I went to college, and advised him to wait until then.  In his desperation, he asked my parents to buy him a short-haired wig he could wear to school.  After Ben made a passionate plea to the disciplinarian that the hair was all he had, a cool head prevailed, and my brother was allowed to keep his long chestnut locks. When he began to style his hair with thick, shiny ribbons, I told him he looked like Gay Thomas Jefferson. It’s not unusual for happy-go-lucky ventriloquist dummy-emulating kids to morph into grumpy, distant teenagers, so when Ben’s personality made a sudden shift to the dark and dour, it didn’t strike anyone in the family as particularly unusual.  A lifelong passion for baseball disappeared overnight, and he converted to Wicca (which, to the further ire of the disciplinarian, involved wearing a variety of silver pendants & trinkets).  He didn’t join any extracurricular activities, explaining he needed the downtime on weekends to play video games and teach himself to speak Russian. Shortly before he left for college at Bloomsburg University, Ben asked us to start addressing him as Venyamina (Venya for short), which he explained was the Russian equivalent of his given name.  Growing up with the frequently butchered name Eamon (my favorite mis-pronunciation is “Almond”), I asked why he’d voluntarily change his name to something so atypical, and frankly, made-up sounding.  He said he was tired of people calling him Ben Franklin or Ben Dover, and wanted to dissociate himself from teasing he’d suffered in grade school.  Yeah, sure, okay  You’re Venya now.  I still called him Ben, mostly out of habit.  Who fucking changes their name after living with it for nineteen years? Trans persons do.

 My mother, father and I all sat around the dining room table, waiting for my little brother to start.  It was January 2013, during Venya’s first winter break.  He was dressed in baggy blue jeans, a dark t-shirt and a hoody. Pretty much the uniform of the McIvor Brothers.  He had checked and double-checked I would be there that night. With hesitation on his lips, and anxiety in his eyes he began to speak—

 But those words are a blur to me now, and any attempt to recreate them would be a disservice to the bravery the littlest McIvor then exhibited.  Confusion.  Always felt different.  Not like the other boys.  Psychological pain.  Feminine. Isolation.  Dysphoria.  Those sentiments, communicated in halting, hushed phrases.  I wasn’t sure what the kid with the long chestnut locks was trying to say.

 “Are you gay?” I asked my little brother.

 “I’m a woman,” my little sister replied.

 If you were born a girl, we would have named you Rosemary.  You were born into the wrong body, so you renamed yourself Venyamina.

 I love you, we love you, no matter what, are you sure, when did you know, wait how do you pronounce your new name again, we love you and support you no matter what, are you going to get lower-body surgery, how long has this been going on, is this why you didn’t go to your senior prom and smoked pot alone in your room instead, Ben I love you, I mean Venya I love you, are you sure?  But we love you no matter what!

 I asked her to go for a walk with me, because there was some apologizing to be done on my end.  The Rosemary line, sure, and the purse gag, yeah.  Pretty standard teasing stuff, but it took on a far more sinister edge with what I knew now.  She accepted my apologies, but did let me know that calling her Gay Thomas Jefferson had been a particularly sharp dagger.  I had made that quip not because I thought being gay was a bad thing, but as a comment on the gulf between her masculine clothing and ribbon-adorned hair.  It had never read to me as particularly feminine, just another Ben quirk.  But it was all she’d had.

Before I met my sister, I had never been outwardly intolerant of any trans persons, but was privately skeptical and unnerved by it.  No matter what you “thought” you were, why would you willingly butcher your body in a way that could never be completely convincing? When Laura Jane Grace of the band Against Me! came out as a trans woman in 2012, I scoffed that she was immediately being referred to as she/her.  I thought to myself, “But you haven’t gotten your sex change yet!  You’re not a real girl!”  

But these were my issues and my projections.  I have body issues.  I turn from mirrors the way a vampire turns from the cross.  I worry about what people think of my appearance.  That thinning hair, that disgusting mole, those stretch marks.  But my shit is not the world’s shit.  My idiotic notions of what a person should look like and my irrational fear that others are constantly sneering at my body are mine alone. “Wait until college to grow your hair long.”  “Why give yourself a hard to pronounce name?”  When I said those things, I was talking to myself, and not my sister.

I don’t know why I was once so attached to strict, obsessive rules for defining what did and did not constitute a man or a woman, but viewing the world solely through my own experience was wrong.  I cannot question anyone’s gender because I am not them.  I’m ashamed it took until someone in my own family coming out as trans for me to realize this truth.  I’m not going to blame cultural conditioning for my ignorance, because I had known gay and trans persons since I was twelve.

The months after Venyamina came out were relatively calm.  She would be home every few weeks for a break or a holiday.  A little more make-up, capris instead of jeans, a higher-pitched voice.  My father embraced his daughter’s new identity with zeal, even if he didn’t completely comprehend the particulars.  He conflated gender with sexuality, and occasionally mixed up being a transvestite with being transsexual.  Still, he read books she recommended and joined a support group for parents with trans children.  For my part, I bought Venyamina some Doom Patrol comics written by Rachel Pollock.

 My mother continued to use the he/him pronouns when discussing my sister, and usually referred to her as “Benya/Venya.”  Sure, we all slipped up with the name and pronoun changes in the early going, but she clung to them far longer than was appropriate.  I tried to drill it into her mind that Ben was gone, and that using those words would only serve to push her daughter away.  Worse yet, she blamed the fertility treatments for “causing” the gender dysphoria.  I told her there was no percentage in thinking about that; all that mattered was that Venyamina was here and that we showed her that we loved her.

Summer was hell.  Once Venyamina was home from college, she barely ever left her room.  She was pushing for hormones and a legal name change right away, and my parents wanted her to wait a little longer.  Even I was skeptical that she was transitioning too quickly.  She’d always had an impulsive nature that led to her fervently embracing things and abandoning them almost as fast.  However, this wasn’t like when she’d become a vegetarian right before a fancy dinner with relatives we hadn’t seen in over a decade. This was her life.

 The big sticking point was her desire to transfer to Warren Wilson College in Asheville, North Carolina.  It had a trans-friendly environment, and the woman Venyamina had started dating in the spring was transferring there, too.  My mom thought it was too far away, my dad wanted Venyamina to properly research and apply to three schools, and I didn’t want my baby sister moving to the South, even nestled in a liberal community.  She was still in the motherfucking South.  Not that I had any say in it; they were all at enough cross purposes without involving the resident court jester.

 The stalemate over Venyamina’s school continued through the summer into the fall. In December 2013, just a few days before my mother was due to pick my sister up from Bloomsburg, my parents received a blistering email from Venyamina.  She had been accepted to Warren Wilson and would be starting there next semester.  She told them she was safe, and not to come look for her.  I was devastated.  This was going to be the first Christmas all five of us would be together since Charlotte got married four years before.  I sent Venyamina frantic emails promising her that she could stay at my apartment and would be under my protection.

She didn’t come home that winter.  She only spoke with my parents about money, and usually via text messages. She didn’t return my phone calls, and declined to meet up with me when I visited Raleigh, North Carolina in February. What the fuck was her problem?  I wasn’t our parents, and I’d shown her nothing but love and acceptance the past year.  Why punish me for our parents’ ignorance?  Again, I’d put my selfish needs and experiences before hers.  She was trying to make a clean break from an existence that had brought her nothing but pain, and all I had cared about was getting the complete collection together for a photo opportunity.  

Over time, though, she and I were honest and understanding with one another and repaired our relationship.  She’s visited home twice since she moved to North Carolina.  I had to break up a fight between Venyamina’s girlfriend and my mom the first time, but the second visit was sans fisticuffs.  That’s progress, I guess?

On the rare occasions Venyamina talks about Ben, she describes how she drowned him in the ocean after she came out.  That makes me sad, because I grew up with Ben.  The toddler who hid my Power Ranger zords during a vacation at the beach. The kid who wrote a fan letter to Emma Watson and told her he was half-velociraptor.  The teenager who starred in my spy parody film, The Ben Identity.  However, I happily lay flowers at my brother’s grave so that my sister can live.

Venyamina is still distant from my parents, but she did call them when she won a social work award at Warren Wilson this past spring.  She’s starting an internship in the fall, and we’re collaborating on a writing project that deals with trans issues.  I moved to Los Angeles a few months ago, so we’re farther away from each other than ever, but somehow, the closest we’ve ever been.