#jealousbitchdennis txt

[jealousbitchdennis]

Mac should date a Dennis lookalike this, Mac should date someone named Glenn that. You're not thinking big enough. We should open on Dennis telling the gang he met Mac's bf and he's absolutely convinced, and incensed to the point of frothing, that Mac's boyfriend looks and acts exactly like him and he should spend the first half of the episode ranting and raving to Charlie and Dee how pathetic and annoying it is and then Mac's boyfriend should show up and be like. Literally just some guy. Some random normie who has nothing particular in common with Dennis. Like after he's like "Huh?? HUH?? You see what I mean!!!" And they're like, no dude... and when he snaps he's gonna try to pull some like Gone Girl shit but it doesn't work so instead he trashes the dildo bike and leaves its mangled carcass on the bf's front doorstep or smth

[jealousbitchdennis]

he's closeted.... he """"hates"""" the super spy... golden god/golden nose piece.... he tries to get rid of the spy but in the end of it all he realizes he can't function w/o him.... I like to bind I like to be bound.... they make their gay peace by dancing.... maybe the waitress is the rejected woman who goes rogue but in her quest for revenge she falls for dee or smth idk.... I'm so angry now I wanna write it

Just sharing this iconique track as it is FULLY macdennis and I think will absolutely have relevance later in the season when Mac gets a boyfriend who isn't Dennis xoxo

[jealousbitchdennis]

speculating s14

[jealousbitchdennis]

Imagine if Gets Romantic ends with Dennis snapping, going wild, accusing Mac of setting the whole thing up so they had to share a bed, to prove there are parallels between the two of them and a married couple, and Mac just looks at him, utterly confused and a little annoyed, and says, "Dude, why would I do that?" And Dennis screams, "Because you're in love with me, obviously!" And Mac looks at him for a second. Then laughs a little, and says, "Is that what you were worried about? No - Dennis, you don't understand. Look, I've been trying to set you up with a chick because, well, I've been dating somebody, and I think it might be getting serious." And Dennis just stops. Stares. "What." Mac grins, runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, not to jinx it, but I think he might ask me to move in with him." Dennis blinks. "Really." Mac nods, screwing the cap on his water bottle. "I was just on my way to meet him at the gym now, actually - I gotta go." Dennis just stares. Mac zips his water bottle into his duffel bag, then heads for the door. "But, anyways, no, don't worry, dude! We're all good. I'm totally over you!" He leaves. Dennis stares at the door. He doesn't say anything. His fists are shaking. The episode ends.

[jealousbitchdennis]

Since we didn't end with jealous Dennis and Mac with a boyfriend in TGGR, I'm prepared to settle back in for a normal, silly season of classic MacDen shenanigans. Which is perfect! That's exactly what I want! I want each episode to be just a little more cute and a little more clear about how comfortable and deep Mac and Dennis's bond has really become. I want insight into how their texting relationship has regrown since Dennis came back from North Dakota. I want homoerotic tension ala the old Hollywood Noir films in TJAMT. I want explicit, over the top, on the nose metaphors in Solves Global Warming with Dennis making faces in the background because he's the only one who notices only for those faces to fade into little shrugs and nods and maybe even smiles to himself because it doesn't scare him anymore. I want little domestic moments all through the whole thing, references to the movies they watch and each others' opinions on coffee.

And then I want them to play laser tag in Waiting For Big Mo. It's dark, and the adrenaline is pumping, and they've been waiting forever for this Mo guy that Frank insists is going ti be here any second but clearly is never going to show. They started a game with the promise of restarting should the mysterious man actually make an appearance, and they've all been joshing around and pissing each other off to pass the time, teams forming and breaking every few minutes, and it feels natural. Classic Gang stuff.

I want the atmosphere to get to Dennis, the annoying but familiar sounds of the arena pinging off in the background, and the constant, comforting presence of Mac at his side. A noise a few yards away puts them on high alert, and without a word, Mac yanks his arm, and the two of them duck to the side, finding a short lived safe haven behind one of the stacked-cube obstacles. When Dennis looks up, the neon lights break through the shadows and paint Mac's face in slices of inhuman colors, blue and green, exaggerating his cheekbones and putting a synthetic shine in his eyes. His hair is all ruffled from the gameplay, and they're both panting from running around so much.

It makes Dennis's eyes go wide and he starts to get that feeling he's been fighting for a while - the same one from the restuarant and the RPG and... he starts to lift a hand to Mac's face. It's so easy, even though before it always seemed so hard. Maybe that means he's finally ready... for whatever comes next... Then the lights go up, and he freezes, and they whip around to find Frank walking up with a big cheesy grin, Charlie and Dee grumbling furiously on his either side.

"Hey, assholes! Look! I told you he'd show any second. We're starting again - with real teams this time. Hope you losers are ready to get your ass beat!"

The three of them part, and a moderately fit and attractive man in his forties steps through from behind to apologize for being late, it was a family emergency or something, when he stops short. Dennis follows his eyeline to Mac, who stares back with his mouth hanging open.

"Mac?" The man starts to grin, a little taken aback.

"Wait," Frank interrupts, waving his hands around. "You know this homo?"

Just the look on Mac's face alone confirms it. Mac and the random man that Frank found on craigslist who knows his name - Big Mo, according to Frank, Morgan according to Mac - marvel over running into each other for a second, before Dee gets the bright idea to cut in and demand to have it explained how the two jerkwads know each other anyways. Mac stops short, fumbling for a moment, and the two men lock eyes. It's weird and obvious and Dennis is starting to lose feeling in his legs.

"Well," Big Mo says, looking to Mac, who immediately flushes.

"Right... so..."

"Well?" Dee prompts.

"I mean..." he starts, but doesn't get any further.

"Oh!" Charlie claps, looking between the two, then scrunches his nose. "Ohhhh..."

"Oh! Woof," Dee grimaces. "You and him?"

Mac glares at them.

"What?" Frank narrows his gaze, looking around at each of them. "I don't get it."

Charlie turns to answer his troll-like roommate, voice sliding a bit higher as he uses made up terms to explain that Mac and Big Mo are, in fact, gay lovers. Dennis can feel his brows furrowing, and his scowl deepening but he can't do anything to stop it. Something, a feeling, an impulse, is clawing at his ribs. Dee corrects Charlie's terminology with a sick combination of glee and repulsion contorting her expression, and Mac practically trips over himself to correct her and then tell all three of them to shut up because that's not it, okay?

"Actually," he says, "we didn't just hook up, okay? We went on a date. We dated. I'm dating material now, so."

The response he gets is a chorus of "Oof," and "Awkward," and "Wait, Big Mo's a gay? I hired a gay guy off Craigslist?"

Mac scowls, agitated. "No, no, not awkward! Not oof, because it didn't end badly!"

"It didn't end at all," Big Mo notes, linking their hands. "We're still dating"

"Exactly!"

"What?" The word rips from his throat like it's been waiting impatiently to escape. Dennis can't even appreciate finally finding his voice, as everyone stares at him. He only has enough eyes to stare back at Mac.

Big Mo nods, oblivious to the tension. "Yeah. We've been seeing each other about - what was it, babe? Three months?"

The entire gang balks before losing their shit. "WHAT?"

"No! No, we. I mean, our first date was..." Mac's eyebrows jump. He clears his throat awkwardly, before untangling their hands and wrapping an arm around Big Mo's waist. "Okay. So... guys... I guess I have something to tell you."

"Oh, do you?" Charlie drawls.

Mac swats at him with his gun. "I have a... boyfriend, now. And, uh, this is him."

Dennis feels the gun slip out of his fingers. The others have already processed the information, are responding and poking fun and telling him his boyfriend must be an asshole for making them wait so long, and arguing with each other about the game they've already played and whether it's Mac's fault seeing as it's his boyfriend that Frank hired who ended up late, and all Dennis can think is, seriously? That's it? They're just going to nod their heads and except this massive, earth-shattering shift to the status quo as if they were in any way prepared for this to happen? Seriously? Seriously?

"The laser tag arena will be closing in fifteen minutes," a voice interrupts their thoughts over the loudspeaker. "Please wrap up your games and return your guns to the stations, located at the front desk, or to any of our standing attendants by the arena exits."

The words echo in his head as Charlie starts yet another fight with Frank, and Dee complains over the top about being undervalued as a player because she's a woman. He can't seem to stop staring at where Mac's hand rests on Big Mo's hip. Nobody else seems to have heard the overhead announcement. They have to go soon, but nobody else seems to even realize. They can't stay, but nobody is moving. Only Mac's brow furrows, and he turns to look at Dennis.

"Hey, did you hear that? Should we get going?"

Dennis blinks before forcing a smile. "Right, yeah, of course. No, of course. Actually, you know what? You two go on ahead."

"You sure?" Mac's mouth turns down.

Dennis keeps his smile pinned. "Course! We'll catch up."

He nods, brow furrowed, shrugging and taking Big Mo with him through the exit, leaving Dennis to stand there, like an idiot, watching after him as their three other idiots blow his ear drums out with their incessant screaming.

[jealousbitchdennis]

meme credit to @morelike-bi-light

[jealousbitchdennis]

Was thinking about The Gang Gets Romantic, and I just want to pitch something to you guys, alright? Actual Oblivious to His Feelings Dennis. He's never had romantic feelings for anyone else before. He has no idea what it looks like, or feels like - he has no clue that's what he's been feeling for Mac this whole time.

Just close your eyes and stay with me. Dennis, on the phone, casually complaining to Charlie about when Mac brings home his date, "I'm happy for the kid, sure, but a little warning!"

Dennis glancing around, spotting Mac grinding with some random guy, and muttering as he looks away, "Now, that's just obscene. Unnecessary, really."

Dennis nodding robotically as he listens to Mac whine when the guy eventually blows him off, struggling to commiserate or even say something nice when all he feels is relief, "Yeah, really sucks. Really... Really does. But, you know there is a bright side. After all, the guy was kind of a douchebag. And I mean, has he even heard of moisturizing? Come on, we'll find you someone eventually. Hey, I know—boys night! Let's get tanked and watch a movie, huh?"

Dennis, watching Mac leave the bar with another guy, a newer guy, and turning to Dee and gesturing in his direction, "Unbelievable. It's constant. He was just complaining about this other guy for blowing him off and he's already picked up someone new. It's like it's his job. At this rate, he'll run through Philly's whole gay community by Christmas." Dee replying in a deadpan, "What are you, some kind of homophobe?" Dennis furrowing his brows, dismissing her as a stupid bird.

Mac coming to the bar to start his shift, and the same guy pulls him into a long, messy goodbye makeout session. Dennis walking out and making a strangled noise in the back of his throat, saying "Mac, come on! A little professionalism!" Dee raising her eyebrows at him, looking at him pointedly, "Oh, what does that mean, Dennis? Is it inappropriate for two men to touch each other in public? Sounds kind of homophobic if you ask me." Dennis glaring, "No one did, you stupid bird." Mac ignoring them both and kissing the guy one last time. Dennis glowering, whispering, "It's not a gay thing - it's a work thing. He works here, he should act like it!" Dee shrugging and getting back to work. Dennis stewing behind the bar for the rest of the night, halfheartedly nodding along as Mac rambles about how his date went.

[jealousbitchdennis]

Scheming is lovely, and I'm super relieved and pumped about the MacDen dynamic so far, but I'm not counting my chickens yet on MacDennis - as gay as it was, it wasn't quite explicit enough for me to be sure that Dennis will be the love interest? All I do know for sure is that Mac's getting some ass, but you know what? I'm happy with that. You go get that gayass love story, baby. You go eat.

[jealousbitchdennis]

the look that dennis turns on mac when he thinks he impregnated dee.......... mr. howerton u have some splainin to do

[jealousbitchdennis]

Not agreeing with this post is just one symptom of being a Dennis kinnie

Mac should date a Dennis lookalike this, Mac should date someone named Glenn that. You're not thinking big enough. We should open on Dennis telling the gang he met Mac's bf and he's absolutely convinced, and incensed to the point of frothing, that Mac's boyfriend looks and acts exactly like him and he should spend the first half of the episode ranting and raving to Charlie and Dee how pathetic and annoying it is and then Mac's boyfriend should show up and be like. Literally just some guy. Some random normie who has nothing particular in common with Dennis. Like after he's like "Huh?? HUH?? You see what I mean!!!" And they're like, no dude... and when he snaps he's gonna try to pull some like Gone Girl shit but it doesn't work so instead he trashes the dildo bike and leaves its mangled carcass on the bf's front doorstep or smth

[jealousbitchdennis]

Not to add on to a good post and ruin it but that's exactly what I'm gonna do because here's what it ultimately comes down to.

Dennis has acted out one too many times and each of the other members of the gang has discovered a way to benefit from the presence of Mac's bf, so as a collective they decide to force Dennis to reconcile with the fact that Mac genuinely is just trying to move on and have a life - by ambushing him at what's supposed to be their monthly dinner.

The gang's there, the bf's there, Mac is there looking so sickeningly comfortable next to the guy, and talking on and on about realizing that his hanging onto Dennis was just, like, a way to put off his fear that he'll like, be bad at being gay or something. Yeah. It's him trying to cling to that lest vestige of who he thought he was supposed to be. Oh, yeah, Steven introduced him to a therapist who has been helping him work through all this but he just didn't say anything because of how things went the last time Dennis got involved with him and therapy -

Dennis is staring into the lasagna, soulless, hollow, quaking. He stands up, breaks a plate over his head and starts screaming. But no, it was just in his head. He's still sitting there. He stands up. He shakes Mac's bf's hand and walks out the door without explanation and moves to Alaska. Becomes a fisherman of some sort, gets one of those big thick yellow jackets. No, that's also just in his head. He stands up and launches himself over the table at Mac, hands wringing his throat. People are screaming. Someone call the police. No, that's also just in his head. He stands up, dumps a bowl of spaghetti over Mac's boyfriend's dumb head. Then breaks the bowl over it for good measure. Steven dies. Yes, this is also just in his head.

Dennis stands up. He stands. Everyone watches for a second.

"Dude, you okay?" says Charlie. "Gotta piss? Guys, move your chairs. He's gotta piss."

The table grumbles and starts shuffling in their chairs. Mac is just watching him, challenging him, brows raised, as if to say, they are moving so you can piss, Dennis, are you going to go piss? It's so clear this, all of this, even the therapy and the epiphany and the Gugino's, is just another way to get at Dennis. But it won't, because Mac is stupid and insane and Dennis does not care what he does. He walks away. He does.

No, it's just in his head. He's still standing there staring at Mac, nostrils flaring. His stupid smug face is too much. He leans in and hisses that he KNOWS that Mac is doing this on purpose just to get a rise out of him.

He hears Dee cursing him in the background. Oh, yes, she would be irritated. She 'really likes Mac's boyfriend' which translates to she's a selfish, traitorous bitch who switched to Mac's team because she's convinced that Steven somehow has connections to the theater world because the stereotype had to come from somewhere, even though he's in fucking IT security, you fucking idiot, you absolute fool -

Mac looks a bit stunned, stands up, faces Dennis, puts a hand on Dennis's shoulder.

"Den... I get why you'd think that," he says, looking appropriately put out, ashamed even. "I, I crossed the line a few times over the years. I've been inappropriate, frankly. You were right, and I apologize."

Dennis's eyes are simultaneously SO wide and SO narrowed. His cheek is twitching. Pulsing, even. How dare he. He KNOWS all this. How DARE he -

"But," Mac leans back, shrugging, "not everything I do is about you."

Dennis blinks. Mac looks genuinely unaffected by the whole ordeal. Maybe a little exasperated, but no, because he's not even showing any irritation. Just a moderate amount of humility, and a vague finality to his tone. Dennis looks away, around at the table, and the table looks back, wary. He nods, turns back to Mac, and smiles.

Then he stabs Mac in the arm with a fork.

He launches himself over the table, wringing his throat with his hands until he's choking, screaming about how YES IT IS! Everything he does IS about him actually, MAC! You think HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT EVERY MOVE HE'S MADE HAS BEEN CAREFULLY CRAFTED TO GET A RISE OUT OF HIM?! BUT HAHA, HERE'S WHAT YOU DON'T REALIZE, JACKASS! DENNIS DOESN'T CARE! HE DOESN'T CARE WHO YOU'RE DATING! HE WILL NEVER BE HIM!

Mac's boyfriend's tries to pull Dennis off. Dennis screeches and turns on him, screaming, "You understand?! YOU WILL NEVER BE ME!" and lunging, latching onto the man's ear and tearing it off.

He turns back to Mac, who is doubled over coughing and trying to get his breath back, and Dennis grabs him by his shirt, shaking him back and forth, yelling, ADMIT IT! ADMIT IT! IT'S ALLLL ABOUT HIM!!

Suddenly he crumples over. The waiter has knocked him out. The gang is horrified that one of them was attacked by a member of the waitstaff. They are escorted out by police.

When Dennis wakes up, Mac is pouting, arms crossed petulantly, in the chair beside his bed in the hospital. Charlie, Frank, and Dee are there as well. Dennis tries to justify his behavior, and Dee, Charlie, and Frank all point out how insane he is and his crazy paranoid theory about Mac's boyfriend's being a - well, ex-boyfriend...

Dennis plays it very cool. "Oh, yeah? Guess he didn't want to stick around, finally realized he was just a poor man's substitute -"

Frank shakes his head. "No, I think it was how you bit his ear off."

"Yeah, man. He's definitely pressing charges."

Mac sighs. "Guys, can we have the room? Please?"

Eventually he convinces them and they all shuffle out. Dennis has been in denial this whole time, but now it's getting harder and harder not to see what everyone's been saying, not to see himself as the crazy one.

As Mac shuts the door, and turns around, Dennis curses. "Look, Mac, maybe I got a little... out of my head about all this -"

"Did you?"

At first, this sounds sarcastic. But then, slowly, Dennis looks up. Mac's head is tilted, his brows raised. Just like at Gugino's.

"Hm, hm, hm..." Mac shrugs and starts listing all the absolute inane and/or insane things Dennis has been spouting the last few weeks. "I mean, it could just be a coincidence that you and Steve are both Spring complexions with undertones of lilac. It could be a coincidence that you both part your hair on right. That you both only use the word, literally, in the technically correct way."

"You bastard -"

"It could be a coincidence, Dennis," Mac gleefully hisses, eyes alight. "Not everything is about you."

"You BASTARD - "

"I knew that having to deal with Steve would drive you crazy, Dennis, but I didn't realize you'd bite his ear off! Like an animal!" Mac shakes his head. "That's not very heterosexual of you."

"You're INSANE!"

"Am I?" Mac asks, nonchalant, inspecting his cuticles. "Perhaps. Perhaps this was all a big coincidence. Perhaps... or perhaps not."

"I'm going to kill you!"

"Enjoy your stay, Dennis. Maybe next time I..." blah blah blah and we find out it was all ACTUALLY about some stupid little thing where Dennis accidentally revealed a mildly embarrassing fact about Mac to a date he brought home one day (not so accidentally, but such that it could be plausibly believed... the old man MacDen home is a fucking royal court of mind games and psycho-social-sexual warfare).

Mac leaves him in his room screaming, shaking his head and sighing that it's so sad, he just wouldn't believe him, gang :( and they're all like man, so homophobic of Dennis, and arrogant, really, what a fucking loser. Then like four days later when Dennis officially gets free from the hospital the whole act falls apart and Mac's scheming is revealed. The gang is less shocked and horrified and more absolutely BAFFLED that Steven was in fact chosen because of his similarities to Dennis because they are literally two functionally different people with so little in common.

The sitcom train gets back on track, but it's that much harder for Dennis to pretend that Mac's obsession with him is unrequited.

Mac should date a Dennis lookalike this, Mac should date someone named Glenn that. You're not thinking big enough. We should open on Dennis telling the gang he met Mac's bf and he's absolutely convinced, and incensed to the point of frothing, that Mac's boyfriend looks and acts exactly like him and he should spend the first half of the episode ranting and raving to Charlie and Dee how pathetic and annoying it is and then Mac's boyfriend should show up and be like. Literally just some guy. Some random normie who has nothing particular in common with Dennis. Like after he's like "Huh?? HUH?? You see what I mean!!!" And they're like, no dude... and when he snaps he's gonna try to pull some like Gone Girl shit but it doesn't work so instead he trashes the dildo bike and leaves its mangled carcass on the bf's front doorstep or smth

[jealousbitchdennis]

Dennis is pissy all through Gang Dines Out, because Mac is acting exactly like he has been. He's asking what he should be eating. He's asking about fucking with Dee. He is at the edge of his limits, man. Last season, this behavior was irritating because it made it look like the two of them were a thing - this season he's irritated because it's a constant reminder that they're not.

Imagine if Gets Romantic ends with Dennis snapping, going wild, accusing Mac of setting the whole thing up so they had to share a bed, to prove there are parallels between the two of them and a married couple, and Mac just looks at him, utterly confused and a little annoyed, and says, "Dude, why would I do that?" And Dennis screams, "Because you're in love with me, obviously!" And Mac looks at him for a second. Then laughs a little, and says, "Is that what you were worried about? No - Dennis, you don't understand. Look, I've been trying to set you up with a chick because, well, I've been dating somebody, and I think it might be getting serious." And Dennis just stops. Stares. "What." Mac grins, runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, not to jinx it, but I think he might ask me to move in with him." Dennis blinks. "Really." Mac nods, screwing the cap on his water bottle. "I was just on my way to meet him at the gym now, actually - I gotta go." Dennis just stares. Mac zips his water bottle into his duffel bag, then heads for the door. "But, anyways, no, don't worry, dude! We're all good. I'm totally over you!" He leaves. Dennis stares at the door. He doesn't say anything. His fists are shaking. The episode ends.

[jealousbitchdennis]

A few days later, Dennis, with an expression somewhere between surprised and confused, sits down at the bar, turns to Dee and Charlie, and says, "Guys... I think I might be homophobic."

The two stop, looking at him.

Dee blurts, "Wait, what? Really? For reals?"

"I thought about it for a while," Dennis says. "You were right. It's the only thing that makes sense."

Charlie looks between them. "Makes sense for what?"

"Why Mac dating has been bothering me so much!" Dennis explains, hands wild. "It's the only explanation. I mean, yeah, Mac being gay was no problem for me before, but that's because it was all in theory. When he was in the closet, I didn't have to worry about seeing him with another man, but now that I do, it totally puts me on edge. And the idea of Mac marrying a guy? I... I mean, it makes me want to punch something."

Charlie scrunches his nose. "Ooh, that's dark. That's violent."

Dennis nods. "Exactly, it's a full-on, violent urge. It must be..."

Charlie nods. "It must be the homophobia."

"The homophobia, right," Dennis sighs, slumping in his chair.

Dee sits up straight and looks at the two of them. "Wait, you two are being serious? You're being serious right now?"

The boys nod.

Dee nearly loses her shit. "You guys actually think Dennis is mad about Mac dating other men, because he's homophobic?"

Charlie frowns. "I mean, yeah. It was you, who thought that first, wasn't it? That's what you said."

"Yeah, you mentioned it the other day," Dennis nods, brow furrowed. "Good thing, too. Really. For the first time in my life, I'm glad you said something - I mean, apparently I have shit to sort out here. Sooner I get on that, the better."

Dee gives him the most unimpressed look he's ever seen. "Yeah, okay, I said that, but I was kidding. You're not a homophobe, Dennis! That's like, insane."

Charlie and Dennis look at each other in confusion. "What's so insane about it?"

Dee sighs, leaning back in her seat. "Dennis, why is it that it only bothers you when Mac dates other men?"

"As opposed to..."

"As opposed to other men dating other men, Jesus Christ!"

"Oh, right." Dennis stops. "Well, I don't know them. None of my business what they do, right?"

"Okay, but if you were homophobic," Dee says slowly, "wouldn't it bother you to see any men dating men?"

"Maybe," Dennis mutters. "I don't know. Maybe not."

Charlie frowns. "Well, no, I actually think she may have a point there, bro."

"So, what, I'm just homophobic for Mac?" He snorts.

"No," Dee shakes her head. "No, you asshole."

Dennis saying, "Well, then, what am I, Dee? Because however I feel about other men dating, doesn't change the fact that I'm still not a fan of Mac, banging his way through the Rainbow."

Dee snorts. "Yeah, because you're a possessive little creep, not because you're homophobic."

Dennis just looks at her. "Excuse me, I'm what?"

Dee rolls her eyes, "Dennis, come on. You've been like this since high school. You always got pissy when Mac dated."

Dennis scowls. "Because it was so obvious that he was gay. He was forcing it on himself! It was pathetic!"

Dee scoffs. "Yeah, okay."

"Oh, you think you know better? Well, what do you think is going on, you insufferable bitch?"

"Um," Dee starts, feigning contemplation. "You're obviously in love with him."

Charlie laughs. "Wait—what?"

Dee nods. "Oh, yeah. Full on."

"Oh, yeah, funny," Dennis scoffs. "Right. He wishes."

"Uh, no, I'm serious. You're totally gone on him. Balls deep, head over heels—whatever, you're into him. Sexually."

"That's just ridiculous. Bullshit."

"Um, okay, then explain to me this, if you're such a secret homophobe—why doesn't it bother you when Mac was in a fake relationship, with you? Hm?" She laughs. "Didn't seem to mind what a giant homo he was when you two were playing house. Huh, Hugh?"

Dennis sputters, but it's true, and he can't seem to come up with a good reason for that to be the case.

"Oh, shit," Charlie mutters, staring into the distance. "You know, she might have a point, Dennis. You didn't seem to mind pretending to be husbands at all. It was your idea, too, wasn't it?"

"Of course it was," Dee buzzes. "Always is."

"That's..." Dennis doesn't have anything to finish that sentence with.

"We were all so distracted by what a big, raging queer Mac is, that we never even considered you," Dee sang. "But here you are, a big, jealous idiot, fuming over the love life of your best friend like a girl. You can deny it all night long, jerkwad, but there's nothing gayer than needing to tell people you're straight."

Dennis opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by the door of the bar swinging open. It's Mac, because of course, it is, and the conversation gets cut short.

Was thinking about The Gang Gets Romantic, and I just want to pitch something to you guys, alright? Actual Oblivious to His Feelings Dennis. He's never had romantic feelings for anyone else before. He has no idea what it looks like, or feels like - he has no clue that's what he's been feeling for Mac this whole time.

Just close your eyes and stay with me. Dennis, on the phone, casually complaining to Charlie about when Mac brings home his date, "I'm happy for the kid, sure, but a little warning!"

Dennis glancing around, spotting Mac grinding with some random guy, and muttering as he looks away, "Now, that's just obscene. Unnecessary, really."

Dennis nodding robotically as he listens to Mac whine when the guy eventually blows him off, struggling to commiserate or even say something nice when all he feels is relief, "Yeah, really sucks. Really... Really does. But, you know there is a bright side. After all, the guy was kind of a douchebag. And I mean, has he even heard of moisturizing? Come on, we'll find you someone eventually. Hey, I know—boys night! Let's get tanked and watch a movie, huh?"

Dennis, watching Mac leave the bar with another guy, a newer guy, and turning to Dee and gesturing in his direction, "Unbelievable. It's constant. He was just complaining about this other guy for blowing him off and he's already picked up someone new. It's like it's his job. At this rate, he'll run through Philly's whole gay community by Christmas." Dee replying in a deadpan, "What are you, some kind of homophobe?" Dennis furrowing his brows, dismissing her as a stupid bird.

Mac coming to the bar to start his shift, and the same guy pulls him into a long, messy goodbye makeout session. Dennis walking out and making a strangled noise in the back of his throat, saying "Mac, come on! A little professionalism!" Dee raising her eyebrows at him, looking at him pointedly, "Oh, what does that mean, Dennis? Is it inappropriate for two men to touch each other in public? Sounds kind of homophobic if you ask me." Dennis glaring, "No one did, you stupid bird." Mac ignoring them both and kissing the guy one last time. Dennis glowering, whispering, "It's not a gay thing - it's a work thing. He works here, he should act like it!" Dee shrugging and getting back to work. Dennis stewing behind the bar for the rest of the night, halfheartedly nodding along as Mac rambles about how his date went.