#jay i know you said to dm you with questions but you were asleep by the time i finished this so i thought best not to bother you

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Branded

A JSE Fanfic

I wrote a short thing based on this picture by @blade-of-memeora, which was in turn inspired by Branded by NWTB. Because that picture was really, really cool and the song is good. For some reason I love this concept a whole lot, it’s really interesting and it was fun to write. Hope you guys like it ^-^

He thought something was off the moment he started walking up the path to the doorstep. There was no reason for this, just an...itching, crawling feeling on the back of his neck, running down his spine. He almost didn’t want to go inside. But that was ridiculous, it was his house...yeah, it was. He’d been out late, and he needed to, you know, eat and sleep. There wasn’t any sign of a break-in.

Cautiously, he pushed open the door. It was unlocked, but he was pretty sure that was his fault. He wasn’t the best at remembering to do that. Whatever, the neighborhood was safe enough. He reached over and flipped on the lights, revealing a totally normal—

Everything flickered. He gasped, but whatever it was, it was gone as quickly as it had come. What was that? He could’ve sworn he saw someone standing right in front of him, way too close, with a mask hiding most of their features. He shook his head, pressing a hand to his temple. He must really be tired. Maybe he could just go to bed, he wasn’t that hungry anyway. But he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong, that he wasn’t...alone.

Fine then. He’d do a check around the house to satisfy his paranoid brain. First up, the living room. Down a short hallway and into said room, with its yellow walls and marble fireplace. Nothing there. Now to check everywhere else.

This house was much too big for one person, but he liked the space. Even though it meant he had to wander through several rooms and halls to get anywhere, and that was a pain in the ass. Luckily, the place had come with fancy decorations already hanging on all the empty walls. Mostly paintings. He walked past one on the way to the study, and...could’ve sworn it looked different. He stared at it as he passed.

Nothing in the study. Nothing in the bedroom. Nothing in the bathroom. He was basically walking in a giant circle at this point, because for some reason every room, even the bathroom, had at least two doors. He walked past another hanging and thought the painted eye blinked. But he dismissed it as nothing, because painting don’t blink. They don’t have eyes to follow you, tracking your movement. They don’t give you the creeps when the hairs on the back of your neck rise like you’re being watched.

He blinked. There was another flicker, another image like there was somebody else with him that he couldn’t quite see. He faltered, then kept on.

He ended up back in the living room. He was feeling a bit...dazed. Mindless. Like his brain was a TV that just turned to a blank channel. Mechanically, he walked straight over to the fireplace, leaning on the mantle. He sighed, and turned around.

There were people.

He just stared for a moment. How did they get in? How did he miss them? There were six, dressed rather well, all in dark colors, and a few had capes. Some were sitting in his furniture, others standing. And they all wore masks of some sort, metal and styled, almost like that steampunk he’d heard about but also just...strange.

That was all he could register before fear and adrenaline kicked in and he bolted for one of the room’s many doors. 

He made it just in time. When he glanced behind him, the masked ones were running after him. He slammed the door shut, feeling them pound on it, trying to push it open. His mind raced. There was a small table in this hallway, so he hooked his foot around one of its legs and with some effort pulled it over. He wedged it against the door, under the doorknob, and ran.

After a mad dash down the halls, he ended up hiding in the bathroom. Shit, this couldn’t really be happening. Whatever this was. Who were these people? Why were they after him? Maybe they wouldn’t find him...he had to hope that, because he didn’t have a weapon, nor did he have anything like that in the house. He could throw a lamp at them. At all...six of them. He leaned back against the bathroom door and exhaled slowly.

This situation was looking bad. But he needed to keep calm. Keep his head clear. It didn’t help that he still felt kind of fuzzy and tired. He pushed away from the door and crossed over to the sink, turning the handles once he got there. He cupped the water in his hand and splashed his face. Then he shut off the water and leaned on the sink, blinking water out of his eyes. He looked up at the oval mirror hanging on the wall over the sink.

The mirror showed somebody else.

It was just a split second long. But he clearly saw it. A face that almost looked like his own, but with dark green hair. The eyes were open, and empty black. The face was grinning too wide. Then the mirror shattered, showing broken pieces of his own reflection.

There was a rattling sound behind him. He spun around and saw the doorknob of the door he’d come in was jiggling, with such force that it was shaking the door. He watched it burst open, and the masked ones came flooding into the room.

For once, he was glad that every room had multiple doors, as he darted the room and flung the other door open, running once again. They were right behind him, they were just as fast but he had to be faster, throwing doors shut whenever he passed through run as he sprinted down the halls.

And then, all of a sudden, they weren’t there anymore. It was so sudden, the realization that there were no longer footsteps behind him, that he also had to stop. He’d reached a T-intersection in the halls, and there was a narrow table leaning against the wall here. He stumbled, leaning on it, only to look to the left and see the masked ones staring at him, having somehow circled around.

Two of them stepped forward in eerie unison, both wearing capes. He backed up, hands half raised in the air, eyes darting to the doorways to his left and right before fixing on the masked ones again. They were close enough that he could notice something he hadn’t seen before...there were strings on their wrists, wrapped around their necks as well. The strings were red, and didn’t look entirely real, more like strands of translucent light. Then his eyes darted downward. The one on the left was holding something loosely in one hand. Another mask, this one copper and shaped like a cat’s face. He could see the symbols of the card suits in a diamond in the center of the forehead.

“What’s your name, young man?” The one on the right asked. The voice was blank, devoid of emotion.

“M-Marvin?” he stuttered out.

“Marvin.” The masked one said the name like it tasted exotic. The eyes behind the mask flashed. “You sound like you could make a lovely magician.”

He hesitated a moment too long, wondering about what that meant. When he tried to run again, the other masked ones had surged forward. They moved jerkily, limbs seeming to spasm. One blocked the way left, one blocked the way right, the two in front ran directly at him while the two remaining came at a diagonal angle. He was outnumbered. Hands grabbed his arms, arms wrapped around his torso. There was a mask everywhere he looked.

They dragged him down the hall, seemingly immune to his attempts at struggling and thrashing. Why were they so strong? He screamed, yelled, pleaded, and got no reaction. One of them threw open a door, and he realized they’d made it to the bedroom.

Despite his best efforts, they pulled him inside, throwing him down on the bed, where he landed on his back. He was staring up at a ring of masked faces. The one from before held up the cat-shaped mask, as if for him to see, then flipped it over. Now he was looking at the other side, the side that’s curved to fit a face inside.

“No—!” The word sounded ripped from his throat. They didn’t listen.

He jerked, trying to sit up only for hands to push him back down. Every attempt to rip free and fight back was blocked as they wrapped their hands around his arms and forced them to stay still. He tried to kick out, but they even pinned down his legs. He kept squirming and struggling. That mask was still there, getting closer to him. So he turned his head to the side, only for one of them to grab his face and hair and force it back to position. He twisted his head back and forth, resisting the inevitable. It was yanked back into place every time he tried. He cried out one last time, but the hand keeping his face in place was covering his mouth so even that was muffled.

The mask was inches from him. More hands came, forcing his head to stay perfectly still. He gave one last effort to get free, desperately trying to wrench free. He failed.

It fit on his face perfectly, like it had been made for him. Wide blue eyes stared through the eye holes. There was a single flash of green light, and suddenly his hair was a bright emerald shade, and his eyes were glowing to match.

When the strings wrapped around his wrists and throat, he stopped struggling and went blank.

[preciseprose]

From Nightmares to Dreams (Part 1/3)

Fandom: The Owl House

Chapter synopsis:  Luz has a horrible morning which Amity helps remedy.

Author’s note: This fic is the first long-form work of fiction I have written in five years and would not have been possible without the encouragement and support of @sterling-jay​.  This fic was inspired, however, by @notbirdofprey​ who asked me: “How do you think Luz and Amity will get together?”  Please be aware that my answer to this question involves a lot of angst on both Luz’s and Amity’s part; and, as a result, this fic is relatively angsty.  I hope you enjoy it.

- - -

Luz jolted awake, feeling dizzy and uncomfortably warm.  She threw her blanket off her and sat up to rub her face.  It was slick with some sort of wetness.  “Oh,” she groaned.  She must have been crying in her sleep.  Again.

Suddenly aware of herself, she looked down at her feet.  King wasn’t there and her door was closed.  He must had left at some point during the night.  She laid back down.  “At least he didn’t see me this time,” she said quietly.

She prodded around her cot for her phone, finding it after a few moments.  She sniffled and wiped her eyes again before powering the phone up.  The right-top corner of her lock screen stated the obvious: “No Service.”  After hesitating for a few seconds, she opened her messages.

She spent a few minutes reading through old conversations with her mom.  It didn’t make her feel better.  If anything, it made her feel guilty.  Her mother’s messages were caring and warm.  She asked if she was having a good evening, if she liked that day’s camp activities, if she was enjoying the food, if she was looking forwards to tomorrow, and so on.  In contrast, Luz’s replies were generally short and impersonal.  A lot of yeahs, yeps, and nopes.  An occasional emoji.  Few genuine responses.

She put her phone down and looked up to the ceiling.  Even with the moonlight streaming in from her window, it was hard to make the beams out.  After a few minutes of holding back, she let herself cry.

“I’m sorry, Mami.  I’m sorry I can’t tell you that I’m okay.  I’m sorry I can’t tell you that I’m safe.  That I’m not missing.  That I didn’t run away.”  Her tears grew heavier.  “I’m sorry I lied to you.  I’m sorry I’m making you worry.  I’m sorry for being a bad daughter.  You’ve always tried to be a good mom and you don’t deserve this.”

Luz cried until her eyes burned.  When she destroyed the teleporter door, she had thought Eda might be able to send her home using magic or by taking her to some special place on the isles.  But several weeks ago, Eda had sat down with her on the roof of the Owl House and explained the gravity of her situation: that the door was the only way she knew of to travel between the human realm and the demon realm, and that without the ability to cast spells she wasn’t sure if she would be able to send her home.

She had only barely stopped herself from breaking down.  It helped that Eda had taken her hands and, looking directly into her eyes, promised that she would do everything in her power to try to return her home someday.  And she had kept that promise so far, spending several hours every other day pouring over books with Lilith.

She wished Eda’s promise was enough to keep her fears under control, but it just wasn't.  She kept a decent face up when around Eda and her friends.  But when she was by herself, she couldn’t keep the act up.  The idea that she might never see her mother again was overwhelming and terrifying.  But even worse was the possibility that her mother might think that she disappeared on purpose.  

Eventually, her eyes ran dry.  Dawn broke soon after.  

“I guess I should get up,” she thought.  After a few minutes of sniffling and wiping her eyes, she rose from her cot, activated a few light glyphs, and dressed herself.  Once done, a realization hit her: “My eyes!  Crying makes your eyes puffy, right?”

The closest mirror was in the bathroom down the hall, but she couldn’t risk running into Lilith or King.  If she ran into either of them, they would ask questions, and Eda would find out and start worrying about her again, and she didn’t want that.  “What do I do?  What do I do?” Luz repeated to herself.

She activated another light glyph to help her think.  The light reflected off a small object lying nestled in the blanket on her cot.  Her phone.  “My phone!” she exclaimed in a hushed voice.  She walked over to her cot, snatched her phone, and unlocked it with a swipe.

“Okay, how bad could it be?”  She opened the front-facing camera.  Her stomach clenched.

Her eyes were bloodshot, and it looked like someone had filed the skin under her eyes with abomination goo.  “No, no, no, no, no.  This is bad, this is so bad.”  She pulled and pushed at the fleshy mounds trying to get them to recede.  Her attempts did nothing.

The morning sun was already starting to brighten.  She needed to act fast.  She would need to leave for Hexside within the hour and there was no way she could avoid everyone on her way out.  “What do I do?  What do I do!”

Luz had no idea how to do anything involving her face.  She had never been very interested in make-up and even she had been she didn’t think she could just slap some concealer on her face (not that she had any) and call it a day.  She needed help, fast.

“Okay, okay.”  She looked to the phone in her hand.  “No that’s not going to help, I don’t have service here.”  She tossed the phone on her cot and started pacing around the room.  Muffled sounds began to emanate through her bedroom walls.  The other residents of the Owl House were out of their rooms.

“Oh, I know!”  Luz ran over to her school bag and dredged out the small scroll Eda had given her for her birthday.  “Penstagram!”  She tapped on the scroll and it bounced out of her hand and into the air, unfurled and glowing faintly purple.  She grabbed it, thinking about her next move.

“I can’t ask Gus or Willow for help,” Luz thought, grimacing.  They were already worried about her enough.  Just yesterday, Willow had pressed her about why she had been especially quiet lately.  It took their entire walk home to convince her that she was just stressed about homework and helping Eda learn glyph magic.

She didn’t think she could ask Viney or Skara for help either.  She had gotten to know each girl better through classes at Hexside, but she didn’t really know either of them that well.  And this was a bit too personal to spring on either of them.

That left Amity.

Luz blinked and took a long breath.  She had been spending more and more time with Amity lately.  On one of her better days last week, she had convinced Eda to let her, Amity, Gus, and Willow to have a “Azura Movie Night Sleepover Extravaganza!” at the Owl House after Eda found a DVD player in a trash worm.  She and Amity had ended up cuddling on the couch under a blanket.  And it felt so nice.  

Amity was warm, and soft, and her hair smelt like wildflowers and sea salt, and Luz had been terrified that her heart was going to jab through her chest and explode on Amity’s back.  But eventually, somehow, she managed to fall asleep with her in her arms.  But when she woke up, Amity had already dressed in her day clothes and was eating breakfast with Eda.  Every time she had tried to talk to her since then Amity had kept the conversation short or turned her head away and said she had something she needed to do or gave some other reason to leave quickly.  Luz didn’t know what to think of it.

But that was then, and this was now.  Luz had no one else to turn too, and out of all her friends she figured Amity would be the most likely to know how to deal with her situation.  She pulled up Amity’s profile and sent a DM.

@glyphwitch (07:03:51): Amity I need your help!!!  IT’S URGENT!!!!

@witchchick128 (07:04:27): Luz, what is it?  Are you okay?

@glyphwitch (07:05:11): I don’t have time to explain but I need to get rid of these HUGE bags I have under my eyes (don’t ask please) and I have no idea how to deal with them but I need eda to not find out about them and I don’t know what to do and I thought you might and I just don’t want to worry eda about me so please help me

Luz snaped a picture of her face to Amity and dropped herself onto her cot.  One minute passed.  Luz heard Eda and Lilith having some sort of argument in the kitchen.  They were constantly arguing about one thing or another these days.  Another minute passed.  The argument was now a three-way shouting match between Eda, Lilith, and Hooty.  Based solely on volume, Hooty was winning.

Suddenly, the scroll vibrated against her leg.  She snatched it up and tapped it.  Again, it sprang to life.

@witchchick128 (07:08:34): I’m so sorry, Luz.  Mother pulled me away for a tuft of my hair...

@witchchick128 (07:09:13): So, are they like that because of a magical or non-magical cause?

@witchchick128 (07:09:32): You eyes, I mean.  Sorry, I wasn’t clear.

@witchchick128 (07:09:43): Your*

Luz laughed despite her situation.

@glyphwitch (07:10:12): non-magical

@glyphwitch (07:10:39): I was, uhhh.  crying.  a lot…  but I’m okay now!  really

@witchchick128 (07:11:16): Okay.  Do you have any abrasion ointment from the Healing Coven?

@glyphwitch (07:11:42): no.  I can’t leave my room or the others might see me

@witchchick128 (07:12:15): Alright.  Let me think.

@witchchick128 (07:12:58): You haven’t discovered any glyphs that cast any illusion spells yet, right?

@glyphwitch (07:13:09): no, not yet

@witchchick128 (07:13:41):  Okay, so you can’t conceal your eyes with magic.  But I’ve seen you summon columns of ice before.  Can you use your glyphs to make a bunch of small ice cubes?

@glyphwitch (07:13:53): yeah, I think so

@witchchick128 (07:14:38): Okay, do that.  Then get two of your shirts and use them to make two cold compresses.   Hold them under your eyes for five minutes.  It should make the swelling disappear.  If anyone asks you why your eyes are red, just tell them you were up late reading and only got a few hours of sleep.

@glyphwitch (07:14:56): oh my god, thank you Amity!!!

@glyphwitch (07:15:09): you're the best!

Luz shoved the scroll in her bag, then pulled out a pencil and piece of paper and got to work.  After a few-second’s thought, she drew a moderately-sized plant glyph surrounded by three inter-connected tiny ice glyphs.  She activated the ice glyphs first, creating three tall but slender pillars of ice.  Then, concentrating her intent into her hand, she activated the plant glyph.  A thick vine with several stems emerged from the paper and wrapped its tendrils around each ice pillar, crushing them into small pieces.

“Yes, it worked!” she said joyfully, impressed with herself.  “What next?  Oh right, the shirts.”  She dashed over to her dirty clothes pile, grabbed the two least objectionable shirts visible, then dashed back over to her cot.  Working quickly, she made two compresses using the ice littering the floor, lied back on her cot, and pressed the compresses onto her eyes.

A minute passed without interruption.  Then Luz heard her door handle jiggle, followed by a quiet thud.  She heard it a second time, and then a third.  The fourth time she understood.  King was trying to open the door.  Before she could call out, she heard a solid impact with the door, followed by a metallic click and a final small thud.

The door began to open.  “Luz, get up!  It’s almost time for…”

Acting on pure instinct she streaked out of bed and flew against the door, slamming it shut and screaming, “King, don’t come in!  I’m naked!”  As she spoke, she heard something hard impact the wall across the hall.

“Ow!  Jeez, I get it!  Gross!  How was I supposed to know!?” King shouted through the door.  “I get that you wanted to protect me from a potentially scarring experience, but did you have to slam the door so hard?  I can feel my brain spinning around inside of my skull!  All I wanted to tell you was that breakfast is almost ready!  Sheesh!”

“Sorry, King!  I’m uh, just.  Really self-conscious!  I didn’t mean to hurt you.”  She paused and looked behind her.  In her panic, she had strewn ice everywhere.  She rolled her eyes, sighed, and looked back to the door.  “I woke up a little late, okay?  I still need to get ready.  I’ll be down in like ten minutes.”

“Ten whole minutes!  Really!?”

“Yes, really!  And if you keep talking to me it’s going to take me even longer!”

“Ugh, fine.  Whatever, just hurry up, will you?  I’m starving and Lilith cooked today so breakfast actually looks good for once!”

She heard his little footsteps trod away.  When she was certain he was gone she locked the door and got to work reassembling the cold compresses.

[kim-bobbae]

Took longer than I expected to finish this because...I just have no sense of humour whatsoever haha but I hope this will be a fun read for you guys! Hope everyone’s staying safe amidst the all the chaos that’s going on around the world.

Jay – worldwide heartthrob, incredibly talented, attractive, humble and genuine – he had it all. He’d have all these girls wrapped around his fingers, have an army of female fans that’d honestly do anything for the slightest interaction with him but strangely enough when it came to you, his girlfriend, biggest fan and supporter, you were never one to yield to him. 

Perhaps it was the fact that it’s been five long years into the relationship, or how he had just been way too busy all these years for you guys to be particularly sentimental about anniversaries, dates or the likes, and while it bothered you at the beginning watching the people around you being able to date freely and publicly, you gradually got used to it and the both of you developed a very comfortable relationship, to say the least. 

“Babe, what do you think of this picture?” Jay asked, turning his laptop screen towards you. 

“Looks alright,” You replied without much interest before turning your attention back to your mobile phone. 

“Why did I even bother…” Jay said with a laugh as he shook his head, then continued browsing through the photos that he had just received from a magazine shoot that he did a couple of days back. 

Overhearing the conversation from the other end of the couch, Minsik let out a snicker, then burst into laughter as soon as Jay looked up to glare at him. 

It was a Saturday night and the both of you had decided to meet in his studio after he was done with his schedules as the next two weeks was looking to be too packed for either of you to manage any dates with Jay having to do some recordings while you were going to be preoccupied yourself. Some of the H1GHR guys had joined the both of you soon after, bringing with them some dinner that they had bought for everyone. 

“What?” 

“Sorry I couldn’t help it, I don’t think I can ever get used to it,” Minsik said with a smirk. “You’re our boss and always killing it on stage but such a loser when it comes to your girlfriend.” 

“I mean, he’s done so many pictorials by now that it all kinda looks the same to me at this point,” You tried to explain, caught a little off guard as Woogie spun around in his chair to look at you guys, nodding enthusiastically at Minsik’s comment whilst stifling a laugh. “Of course you look good, why else would you be on a magazine if you don’t?” 

Jay sighed exaggeratedly, rubbing his temples, “See…this is why I’m still lonely even when I have a girlfriend – she doesn’t show me enough attention.” 

“Hyung, we’ll take you out to play then,” Haon joked. “Let’s hit the clubs!”

“Let’s,” Jay replied readily, only earning a ‘don’t you dare’ look from you before you sent a cushion flying towards him to which he simply chuckled in response.  

He then scooted closer to you, bumping his shoulders against you, “I was just kidding…!” 

“You had better be. You’re getting too old for clubbing anyways, don’t embarrass the younger ones,” You replied without paying him much attention, sending the guys into yet another round of laughter. 

Conversations like these were pretty common between the both of you but of course, Jay never took any of them to heart. It hadn’t always been like this with the two of you being more cordial and romantic the first two years, but with how the nature of your dates were for the rest of the years that followed which often involved hanging out in a group be it with the AOMG or H1GHR guys, it became inevitable since neither of you were really the kind to be all affectionate with each other in front of others. Hence, in situations like these, you tended to be brutally straightforward (when you could obviously be sweeter with your words, but whatever) while Jay opted to speak to you like he would in private, playing the victim much to everyone’s amusement. 

Some of his fans even noticed this from the little glimpses of your conversations that were caught on camera whenever Jay did insta lives from his office or the studio, often involving a ‘no one has questions for you, stop bothering them’ remark followed by a fit of laughter from whoever that was around to overhear the conversation and they absolutely loved it though Jay simply laughed it off most of the time. Yes, he was appreciative that his fans were supportive of his relationship, but that didn’t mean that he enjoyed addressing or sharing about it. 

It then came as a surprise when you were tuned in to one of his insta lives from your office the following week as you were working overtime one night. 

“Why are so many of you guys asking for my girlfriend today?” He asked. 

We miss her ratchet comments. 

We wanna see her roasting you. 

He laughed, “She’s busy working, we’re both quite busy these two weeks so we won’t be seeing each other for a while. I’m a free man!” 

Seeing how this was a rare occasion where Jay actually directly addressed comments regarding you, the fans jumped on the opportunity, bombarding him with questions. 

“Alright, now that I mentioned her I see where this live is going…” 

Is she secretly a sweetheart in private? 

Is she really this savage all the time? 

Date me instead, I promise I’ll be a hundred times nicer. 

“Yeah it gets lonely sometimes…don’t y’all see me giving you guys all that fan service?” He joked, deciding to wrap up the topic. He was never really being one to speak much about his private life anyway. 

Of course, the questions and comments about you never really died down for the rest of the live despite Jay actually moving on to speak about something else and with this much attention on your relationship with Jay for the first time in a long while, you had to admit that it made you feel a little conscious. For a while you even got carried away browsing through the comments, completely distracted from the work that you were supposed to be doing. 

Another week passed and the both of you agreed that after two whole weeks of late nights, five-minute phone calls in bed before either one of you fell asleep on the other, there was nothing more that you both wanted more than to simply unwind at the comforts of your home. Jay had come over to spend the night at your place, soju and some snacks in tow as the two of you lounged on the couch watching a light hearted comedy. 

“How’s your week been?” 

“Nothing new, just working on some tracks in the studio as per the usual,” Jay said, throwing his head back as he sank further into the couch. “I was actually kinda stuck for a while but we managed to solve it yesterday so that was nice. You?” 

“Same old, a desk job doesn’t get very interesting,” You said. 

He then reached for your hand, lacing your fingers with his on your lap to which you responded by snuggling up to him, resting your head on his shoulder. He glanced at you, a small smile playing on his lips as he saw how indifferent the expression on your face was despite your unusual display of affection.

However, as the night progressed, you went from simply hugging his arm to hugging him and draping your leg over his, all whilst keeping a poker face on, much to his amusement. It wasn’t until you held his hands to wrap them around your body as you shifted to sit on his lap did he finally looked at you weird, raising his brows at you. 

“What’s up?” 

“Nothing, just cold,” You lied. 

“Shall I get you a blanket then?” He said, shifting in his seat in an attempt to get up but you wouldn’t let him, leaning back against his chest and looking up at him. 

“Can we just cuddle for a bit…?” 

“Sure but…why…” He said, then laughed at his statement upon realizing how absurd it sounded. “I mean, this is so unlike you…not that I’m complaining. Just curious where this is coming from.” 

“I just…feel like it,” You replied, in which he simply stared at you in response before mumbling an ‘okay…’, then encased you in his arms as you sat on his cross legged legs, giving you a quick peck on the cheek. He then let out a low chuckle watching the way your nose crinkled upon contact, resting his head on your shoulder as he turned his attention back to the television. 

But somewhere in between the little kisses that you showered him with for the next ten minutes, Jay couldn’t help but turn you around to face him, cupping your face and looking straight into your eyes, “Okay what is it that you want to tell me?” 

“Nothing…!” 

“Then why are you being so…loving today?” He asked, genuinely confused by now. 

“Why do you think it’s weird for your girlfriend to love you?” 

“You know that’s not what I’m asking,” He stated as matter of factly. 

“It’s just…I don’t know…in case you’re feeling a little lonely…” 

He stared at you for a while, then burst into laughter at the realization of where all this was coming from, “That’s it? The insta live?” 

You shrugged, “I was kinda going through the comments on your live…and so many of your fans sent me DMs after asking me to treat you better…” 

“Aw, that’s nice of them,” He said cheekily. 

“Yeah but you keep looking at me weird when I’m tryna be all romantic and shit!” 

“It IS weird!” He laughed. 

“Fine,” You replied with a pout, climbing off his lap. 

“Hey come back here…!” He exclaimed, obviously enjoying this as he pinned you down. For once he had the upper hand, and he wasn’t going to let this go easily. 

By now you had completely given up, avoiding his eyes as he laid atop you, looking at you almost teasingly. 

“So you were worried, that’s cute,” He taunted. “You’re a softie after all.” 

“Shut up,” You said, rolling your eyes at him. “If you’re not appreciating it then let me go.” 

“Of course I appreciate it, you’re just not letting me show you that I do,” He said, wriggling his brows at you to which you merely rolled your eyes at him. “Damn I should’ve captured this on an insta live…”

[sinagrace]

Iceman’s been back on my mind lately. It started with the internet rumor that Shia Labeouf was being considered to play the role of Bobby Drake in a Marvel Cinematic Universe version of the X-Men. My DMs and @Mentions on social media were a mixture of intense reaction and then asking my take on who would make a great Bobby Drake (for the record: in my head I always saw him as a younger Antoni Porowski with a theater background, ‘cuz playing the funny guy with a vulnerable streak requires serious acting shops). My mind went back to the time of BC, when I was doing a lot of touring, and answering this very question because of my work on the Iceman book at Marvel. One thing led to another, and I decided to take a trip further down memory lane to look at my favorite volume of the series: Amazing Friends. Now, I know I’ve spent equal amounts of time publicly stating what a gift working on Iceman was, while also calling out the challenges that came with the experience, but the third volume really was a pure blessing. I was able to take every valuable lesson I learned as a writer, and apply it to telling a story that would be interesting to one person: Me. I’ve been a lifelong X-Men fan, I live and breathe comics, so my own expectations for a return to the series seemed like the only ones to really worry about meeting/ surpassing. The first two volumes had been so bogged down by rotating editors, complex continuity, company-wide events, multiple artists… The third volume was my chance to focus on what an Iceman series was outside of so much context. All that mattered was challenging myself to do an X-Men story that focused on the aspects of the franchise I felt were valuable and relevant, meaning: excuses to have Emma Frost be an asshole and finding an opportunity to make fun of Kitty Pryde’s haircut. Before moving on from Marvel, Axel Alonso made time to call me for a pep talk about the series. I wanted to get the series extended, and he wanted to help me succeed with the ten issues he could commit to. First, he offered an eleventh issue to give me more time on the stands. He took a look at everything I had planned, and basically told me to restructure with an eye for ramping up the pace. My writing background comes from prose and essays/ think pieces… both of which are methodical and provide some allowance from the reader to really take your time and set up the world before diving into the meat. That’s not the case with comics. You gotta work fast. Especially in today’s market, there is less and less room for a retailer to say, “give it two volumes, because shit starts really coming together by the third trade.” That was literally my speech for hooking people on such iconic series as Invincible, Fables, and Strangers in Paradise. Nowadays, every single issue is not a brick to be laid down as foundation so much as a bullet in your gun. Conflicting imagery, but that’s the point. Axel told me to think about the Big Moments in my life and sort out how to inject the mutant metaphor into it and make the most compelling comic book story I could. This was epic advice that I took with me into the new arc, but I struggled a bit with what could be bigger than the “coming out” storyline in volume one. Love was off the table because I wanted to keep Bobby single and ready to mingle. Death was off the table too, because my editor felt like we’d done enough with Bobby’s parents in the first two volumes. Upon looking at my own life, and considering the stuff me and my friends were dealing with, I landed on something a bit more reflective than LIFE or DEATH. I wanted to focus on that moment when a gay guy looks outside of himself and realizes the folks around him may not have it so easy. After everything we’ve been dealing with this summer, Iceman’s “big issue” of the arc feels oddly prescient. Bobby Drake had to reconcile his accidental complicit role in keeping the Morlocks down, and he has to investigate new approaches to being a better ally to those who don’t want to or can’t live under the protection of the X-Men. I used the Morlocks to allegorically speak to the issues that the trans/ NB community face today. Considering that trans folks are facing higher rates of homelessness and murder than other members of the LGBTQIA+ community, all I needed to do was find a perfect villain to treat the Morlocks as “lesser-than.” Cue Mister Sinister, who I wrote as particularly Darwinist with a major flair for interactive theater. While Amazing Friends definitely is the most fun I’ve had working on the book, it was also full of the heaviest shit I’ve written about. I’m so grateful that my editor let me use Emma Frost for a story about the trauma of gay conversion therapy with her brother Christian, but I’m still annoyed he wouldn’t let me put her in a sickening Givenchy outfit for her reveal. Similarly, creating the Madin character required that I chat with several mental healthcare professionals and members of the NB community to respectfully portray them as a resilient and fleshed out hero. I included personal lessons that I learned from years of the therapy (the sandcastle / sea image, a Jay Edidin fave moment). My editor and I weren’t always aligned, but we definitely were on each other’s side. He understood what I was trying to do and asked questions when something flew over his head, and he even had the good instincts to stop me from going too heavy handed with the ending. My original idea for the arc’s finale was to have Bobby become permanently scarred in his fight with Sinister, where he’d have a cool ice gash running across his face or something, a la Squall from Final Fantasy 8. The goal was to show Iceman stripping himself of his ability to pass as non-mutant to save the Morlocks, but the Mutant Pride fight scene being a stand-in for the Stonewall Riots kind of already made enough of a statement. Plus, no one in editorial wanted to deal with remembering to track his scar in other books. At first I tried to balk at his point of view, but when I looked over my original notes for the series, the point was to focus on optimism and hope. Giving Bobby a permanent scar and emphasizing the notion of sacrifice was too bleak a message for a series wherein the hero carbo-loads hoagies while riding an ice scooter and mutant drag queens emcee local festivals. Of course, the crowning achievement of the series… my mutant drag queen :) I’ve witnessed a lot when it comes to the world of pop culture and myth-making, and I 100% believe that you can’t plan the success of something. I’ve seen bands forced into breaking up because labels spend six figures failing at making listeners connect with an album. I witnessed firsthand how The Walking Dead was built from relatively humble beginnings as a buzzy cable drama into a literal international phenomenon over the course of its first three seasons. Everyone hopes for the best, but you never know how something will land with audiences. When the Shade character took off, I was truly astounded. Things I posted on Instagram while half-asleep became official quotes on major news sites. Queens and cosplayers were interpreting her like Margot Robbie had unveiled a new Harley Quinn lewk. The impact was so legit and immediate that we had to jump in and give Shade a proper Marvel hero alias, to truly welcome her into the X-Men canon. Hence the name change to Darkveil. (Funny story: I tried to fight hard for Madame X as an alias, but CB didn’t want another Agent X / “X-Name” character. Three months later, Madonna announced the Madame X album. Phew!) There was a time where I felt uncertain that the folks in charge at Marvel would bring Darkveil into any stories outside of the ones I wrote. My understanding was that Hickman was like the Cylons and had A Plan-- one that didn’t include her character. I made peace with my contribution to the Marvel Universe being contained, but then someone on social media pointed out that Darkveil showed up in an issue of Marvel Voices. After breaking down and reading Hickman’s House of X, I saw that his Plan was one of endless possibilities, and that he was moving EVERY character into new and dynamic places. I have hope now that he sees the possibilities with Darkveil, and takes advantage of her and all of her many body pouches. Amazing Friends really is my favorite thing I’ve done for the Big Two. I made a lifelong friend out of artist Nate Stockman (DC, please hire us for a Plasticman book), and I got to run a victory lap with the most encouraging and supportive readers out there. It was worth every dreadful conversation, every shitty thing a person said to me online, and all of the fun nonsense that goes into being creative for a living. Being stuck at home in quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on the gift that my career to date has been, and I feel so grateful to be where I am today. Other people may groan when they have to talk about something they’ve moved on from, but not me. I made people happier, I got to work with my favorite characters at Marvel, and and I'll say it again: it’s a frickin’ gift to make people move from your work. So, I will engage every tweet or message asking me my thoughts about who should play Bobby Drake in the Marvel Cinematic Universe… I’ll just never have a good answer.

[elounorfluff-blog]

Inhaling Every Moment

A/N: OK I already apologized for this in my previous post. The whole thing isn’t heart-wrenching, I promise. Like and comment, reblog or DM with feedback! And a super fluff-filled nothing sad at all Christmas one-shot is coming in December. So here’s Christmas 2016....

The air felt colder than usual, but it had nothing to do with close to freezing temperatures outside. Louis wasn’t sure his life could have been in a more horrific state than it was that chilly night in December. The funeral had been held two weeks ago and he didn’t know how there were any tears left in him. After that awful day, it had been too much for him to keep leaning on Dani. Snapping at her when she was just trying to help and then apologizing over and over again until their relationship had more tension than comfort. She had left two days after his X-factor performance, on amicable terms. He knew it wasn’t her fault he was so upset with the world right now, but he didn’t think he could be with anyone in his current state. And of course, she had been at the funeral. Some part of him had expected to see Eleanor there, but when he actually saw her in living, breathing, form, it was like someone had sliced open freshly sewn stitches. He’d barely been able to say more than a few words to her.

His birthday had passed yesterday without any festivity beyond reading a hopelessly long letter his mother had left behind for him, telling him how proud she was and that she wished him only to find peace in the coming year. Lottie had also made him eat something and changed his sheets, and then taken him and Fizzy, along with the older twins to get hot chocolate. It had been a sort of quiet he wasn’t used to, but he had never been more thankful to have so many sisters. They were all in this together, at least.

And there had been today. Christmas. In their rented London home close to the hospital that no one could bear to leave just yet. Nobody woke up early to open gifts, but Dan and Fizzy had started making pancakes around noon as people drifted downstairs. It was an odd kind of relief to have things to do that day. Traditions that simply had to be upheld lest they have one more reminder of Jay’s absence. And so, they had decorated the tree that had sat neglected for the past month as they had been too busy with goodbyes and funeral plans and grieving to worry about something as trivial as ornaments. The memories held in each little trinket he hung up ended up being of far more comfort than he thought they would. He had found all the little things he’d made her in primary school, ornaments from different years which read “the Tomlinsons”, and listed names on some item. The first looked like a cookie sheet and simply held Marks name, his mum’s, and his own. The most recent was in the shape of a large snow globe and held at the top “The Tomlinson-Deakin Family” and read on tiny name plaques, “Jay, Dan, Mark, Louis, Lottie, Fizzy, Daisy, Phoebe, Doris, Ernest”. He’d smiled, wondering what the person who had done the calligraphy must have thought, writing all those names. Every single one of the kids had some creative ‘Baby’s 1st Christmas’ one as well, his own simply stating those words on a tiny silver frame that held a photo of his Mum with him at one day old, not even discharged from the hospital yet.

They had sat in the living room and opened a few gifts from each other, before they had finally addressed the tense absence hanging in the air. Each of them had gone around and told the happiest story they could think of about Johannah. And for awhile they had laughed even though the pain was still fresh. She had brought so much joy to their lives. They had stayed in their cocoon of togetherness, not wanting to leave the warmth and comfort of seeing their mum in each other’s eyes, but then children started to fuss, and the night had to end as Lottie and Fizzy got the younger twins off to bed. He had to let the great world spin, whether he wanted to or not.

It was close to midnight now. He knew all the older girls were probably crowded into one bedroom, asleep on each other, as they had been since the funeral. He sat downstairs, in a back room with vaulted ceilings that was full of windows to let light in during the day. He was curled up on the couch, with his knees hugged to his chest feeling completely numb.  He took out his phone in hopes of finding a distraction, scrolling mindlessly through the names in his phone. Louis wasn’t even sure how or why he had hit call on Eleanor’s contact, it just happened.

Meanwhile, El sat in her sweatpants alone in her London flat. She couldn’t bring herself to go home to Manchester. She’d tried to enjoy herself earlier with a friend who’d invited her to dinner, but now she simply felt alone, save for Bruce, who she was currently using as a pillow. She missed Jay with everything in her, but more than that, she missed the normalcy of being around the Tomlinsons and how comforting it had been just to wrap Daisy and Phoebe in her arms at the funeral. His family was the only one that was going through this process with her, but she felt like an intruder, so she kept her communication to a minimum. When her phone rang, she didn’t intend to answer it until she saw the contact name flash.

“…. Hello?” She answered hesitantly.

“Hey,” Louis said quietly.

“You’re up late,” she mumbled.

“Surprised you’re still awake,” Louis replied awkwardly.

“I haven’t really slept much since….you know. Did you need something?” She asked with curiosity rather than annoyance.

Louis paused as if trying to remember something. “Not…not really, I guess. Just can’t sleep either, although apparently everyone else can.”

Eleanor spoke before she thought, “Do you want me to come over?”

“I can’t say the answer is no. I promised you no more lies, but if you’re tired, I understand” he told her, which was true. They had spoken briefly after Jay told her about Brianna’s pregnancy. It had been a strange conversation where she questioned why he felt the need for her to know before the public, and he’d answered her that despite not feeling they could reconciliate, he felt he owed her honesty, and that honesty wasn’t letting someone you had been with for three and a half years find out you were having a child from the media.

“I’m a little tired, but that doesn’t mean I can fall asleep anytime soon. Be over in ten?” El didn’t know why she agreed. A little birdie (actually twin ones with iPhones) had informed her when Danielle had gone back to America and their general understanding that Louis and she had split.

“Yeah that works…. See you soon.” The line went dead as he hung up.

El turned to Bruce, “I have to go, love.” The dog answered by putting his head on his paws. “….Actually? Do you want to go for a ride in the car…yeah?” The dog’s ears perked up and he sat, pawing at her. “Alright, but we have to be very quiet.”

She grabbed a clean sweater, double checked she had on deodorant, and didn’t bother beyond that. She packed up her golden-doodle and started her car.

Lou texted her to come in the side door, where the deck was waiting off the room where he currently sat. He heard her pull up but didn’t see her until she was at the glass door, holding a giant bundle of tan fur in her arms. Lou gently slid the door open as she stepped in and set Bruce down. “You brought your dog?!” He whisper shouted.

El shushed him in reply, quietly telling Bruce to lay down. “Yes, I brought my dog. You have to take care of them you know.” She wasn’t sure why she was being so forward, although Louis had purchased Bruce for her and known him quite well. He had been their dog. “Besides, you can’t tell me that fluffball is anything other than comforting,” she told him quietly.

Louis gave her a look but then his eyes softened as he crouched down to pet the dog. “Hey Bruce-y. How’s life been?” He sat down on the ground against the back of a couch and pet him.

El joined him on the ground, still wearing her coat and boots, rubbing her dog’s belly as she talked mindlessly. “He’s been okay. Definitely missed you when you first left.” She tried to fill the endless silence. “What’s on your mind?”

Louis sighed, “Just…how lonely things seem without her. I didn’t even see her all that often before she was diagnosed, I was busy living it up in LA, but then I was here constantly after that call. I was afraid if I left for too long, I might never see her again,” he said without looking up. He scratched Bruce’s ears as a distraction.

“At least you got to say goodbye?” El tried to look for something comforting but wasn’t coming up with much.

“You’re only the hundredth person to say that to me”, Lou rolled his eyes, standing up. “I need to smoke,” he told no one in particular, slipping on his shoes and heading out to the deck. Eleanor followed him, since Bruce had fallen asleep in the warmth of the house.

El pulled her coat tighter around her in the still night air, watching Louis take a pack and a lighter out of his sweatshirt pocket. She leaned against the railing and put one of her hands out. “Give me one those,” she said.

Lou gave her a strange look, “Didn’t you quit smoking…. four or five years ago?”

“I quit because I was dating someone in a band who had in image to uphold for millions of thirteen-year-old girls in 2011, you hypocrite”, she deadpanned, but he still didn’t look like he planned on surrendering any. “Give me a fucking cigarette!” She whisper-shouted.

Lou looked he had been shaken out of trance as he handed one over to her and lit it for her. “Well at least I can count on you not to lecture me about the hazard”, he told her, taking a drag off his own.

El almost laughed as she exhaled, “I’m pretty sure the fact that Jay hated smoking is enough of a lecture by itself.”

“You’d think. I’ve been awful about it though. I can go through a pack in two hours easily,” he informed her. It was true. His nerves never seemed to calm down and for some reason the routine dispense of nicotine into his system felt at least somewhat relaxing.

“Well, we all have our vices,” she knew it wasn’t worth lecturing him about anyway. He was going to do it either way until he worked through Jay being gone. They were silent for a few minutes as they smoked, until she stomped hers out on the ledge, too cold to continue. “You almost done, it’s bloody freezing out here?”

Louis saw her shivering and threw his in the ashtray. “It’s warmer upstairs, inside I mean,” he said as he offered his hand to her to walk back in. El glanced at him suspiciously before accepting it.

“What have you been doing down here, then?” She asked as he slid the door open.

“I…I couldn’t fall asleep alone. The girls are all piled in with each other, and if you hadn’t heard, things weren’t really working between Dani and I. She left two weeks ago,” Louis pat his leg to call Bruce over while El took her boots off. He had forgotten how much he cared about the dog.

“I heard,” she said quietly, looking for a subject change. “He remembers you. I can tell, he wouldn’t let Max near him for months, but he doesn’t even make a sound when you pet him”, she said watching the two interact, “are we going upstairs?” She gestured to the staircase down the hall as she hung up her coat above her boots.

 He figured she was cold from being outside, and it wasn’t going to hurt anything for them to go up to his room, “I guess…as long as Bruce is quiet.” El nodded in reply and picked up her overgrown puppy. Lou shook his head at her, hinting at a smile. He crept down the hall and up the stairs with her in tow, until they got to his room. He shut the door and turned on a lamp.

El set Bruce down on the bed, while Lou cleared away random things from it. “What’s that?” She asked of an unopened gift bag sitting on the ground.

Lou looked to where she pointed, and his heart sank, “birthday gift from Mum. I read the letter, but I haven’t opened it yet.”

“Oh…well do it now then. While I’m here for moral support,” She knew it might be months before he got around to it if she didn’t push him. Lou gave her an annoying look but picked it up and sat down next to her.

He took out the tissue paper and removed the two items inside. The first one was an engraved picture frame with one of the last photos of him and Jay before she was hospitalized. It simply read ‘Love you always, Mum Xx’ in what was clearly her handwriting. He smiled at it before setting it down gently on his dresser and picking up the other gift. It was a flat silver circle with an inner an outer ring, hung from a ribbon. The inner circle had a teddy bear holding a gift etched into it, while the outer one read ‘Baby’s first Christmas 2016’. He blinked back tears as he showed it to El. “She has one of these for all seven of us. And everyone’s is different, even Daisy and Phoebe’s. They were some of her favorite ornaments, she always talked about getting one for Freddie.”, he said it solemnly, leaning against her shoulder without thinking.

El squeezed his hand gently and set the trinket down next to the photo. She went to kick the bag aside but noticed something white in the tissue paper and picked it up for Lou to see. It was a Polaroid of all things, from Jay’s wedding. “Is that us?” Eleanor asked, even though she knew it was her because she remembered taking the photo.

It was while everyone was still getting ready and somehow the bridesmaids had found themselves running around barefoot as they finished up. Sophia had come to help her fix her hair, and brought Liam with her, who had brought Niall, and before she knew it all of One Direction was in the house and her hair still hadn’t been fixed. Someone was taking Polaroids for fun and had gone to grab one of Louis and Liam after he first walked in. Joke was on that photographer, because Lou had called her over, which of course led to Liam calling Sophia over, and then Louis told Zayn and Perrie they may as well join, which led Niall and Harry to sarcastically complaining about not being included. Louis had told them it was a couples only photo, and they needed a date, which they responded to by waving over Daisy and Phoebe, also barefoot and dresses still untied, and putting the girls on their backs.

The end result had been a set of laughing twins on the backs of Harry and Niall with linked arms and ridiculous facial expressions on one end and Zayn and Perrie looking relatively normal on the other end. In between that mess was Louis holding El’s waist and kissing her on the cheek while she looked slightly to the side, bursting with laughter at Sophia who was standing on her tiptoes in her black dress, trying to be as tall as El in her bare feet while Liam had covered half his smile, trying to hide his laughter at Soph’s attempt to be taller.

Louis took the photo from her after studying it, wondering why his mum had included it. He turned it over where the back of it had written in sharpie, ‘Louis, never stop making people smile. :)’. He looked at El, “that is definitely us.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. The photo only stirred up more feelings, although not all of them were bad.

“Can I borrow a sweatshirt?” El asked out of the blue once the silence got to be too much. Her sweater felt tight and uncomfortable now.

“Yeah, I’ll grab you one”, he exhaled heavily as he set the photo down and pulled one of his drawers open, surrendering the warm fleece. “Did you want one of the guest rooms?” He turned to pet Bruce while she changed.

El pulled her sweater off and unclasped her bra, before discarding that as well. She pulled on his warm sweatshirt and scooted back, “I’m fine here.”

“You want to sleep in my room? As in….” Louis was confused.

El rolled her eyes, “I’ll sleep with you. Wait not like that, I didn’t mean-”

“I got it,” he cut her off, understanding her meaning. Bruce stayed curled up at the end of the bed as he went to lay beside her, taking the Polaroid with him to examine it further.

She put a hand on his arm out of habit, “You alright?”

Louis shook his head. “I know that was probably one of the happiest days of her life, but it’s definitely in me own top three. I got to walk down the aisle with you. And nobody was fighting, not the band or my siblings, or…us”, he tilted his head slightly.

“You really want to do this right now?” El turned on her own side to face him, leaning on her arm, “talk about us?”

“You say it like it’s such a bad thing”, his tone didn’t convey any particular emotion, besides the grief he was clearly carrying in general.

“Not bad, per say…. just doesn’t do anybody a lot of good. Reminiscing about a girl you used to be in love with,” Eleanor stated like it should be obvious.

Louis raised an eyebrow at her as if she had just told him something completely inconceivable, like the sky turning green. He took one of her hands and looked straight at her, “Eleanor, I didn’t used to be in love with you… I still am.”

El blinked back a tear and looked at their hands instead of back at him, “You promised… no more lies.” She didn’t ever want to risk having her heart shattered again.

Louis wasn’t holding back his tears as they slid down his cheeks. “I’m not lying. You’re my girl, Eleanor,” El tried to look anywhere but at his eyes. “I know I fucked up, and got really lost the last two years, in too many ways to count, but I promise I’m not lying about this,” he pleaded with her.

El let the tears fall down her face. “Why did you call me?” She asked through her tears, swallowing thickly. She stared at their fingers, still laced together between them.

“Because”, Louis choked out, “because you’re my family. Nobody can ever be you, which means no one can ever understand losing her the way you would. You don’t treat me like some…broken, fragile thing. And because…maybe, I missed you.” He blinked hard and wiped at his eyes with his sweatshirt

“Maybe?” El finally met his eyes.

“No. Not Maybe. I did miss you. Shit, El. I missed you so much”, it was like a million emotions came flooding back in one second.

El wiped at her own tears. She crept closer to him, feeling her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She lost herself in the ocean of his eyes.

“I missed you too,” she whispered.  She wasn’t sure why she admitted to that so freely, but she knew with every part of her that it was true.

Louis didn’t stop to wonder if her reply was genuine or second guess her, at least not with words. He just gave her a half smile and squeezed her hand gently, “Yeah?”

El nodded and pushed her palm against his so he fell on his back and pressed her lips to his. Her thought process was completely gone at this point. She had meant to be gentle and quick, but before she knew it, his other hand was tucking a stray hair behind her ear as she found the familiar taste of cigarettes and some expensive whiskey he must have been drinking earlier and him. She surrendered all her oxygen to it, kissing him as they both cried silent tears.

Lou wanted her back the second she pulled away to breathe, but he decided he could definitely settle for her body pressed to his as she curled around him and rested her head on his chest. He swallowed and found his tears finally subsiding as he wrapped his arm around her. “I can’t lose you too, not again.”

El didn’t look at him to argue or try to declare her love enough to convince him she wasn’t going anywhere. She didn’t have the energy or the motivation to do any of that. She simply snuggled closer to him and ran her thumb over his where they knotted together. “You won’t,” she stated simply, glancing at the clock reading eleven fifty. “Merry Christmas,” she said sleepily. And then her eyelids were getting heavy as she wrapped her body around his and shifted most of her upper bodyweight onto him.

He yawned under the comforting pressure of her head tucked beneath his chin and her chest against his abs, one arm wrapped lazily around him.  Eleanor drifted off with her nose tucked to his shoulder. Louis’ breathing finally became slow and even as he listened to her breathe and smelled the same perfume that had been a constant for almost four years of his life. Bruce came and laid beside them. This was the furthest thing from happily ever after as their tear stained faces dried, but there was no denying it was love. It didn’t matter how many mansions he bought, or how hard he tried to escape his feelings for her, she was his home.

“Merry Christmas, Eleanor, I love you,” he whispered in the darkness before sleep finally found him.

 A/N: Please like and comment! Title from “First Time” by Ellie Goulding and Kygo

[wakandascrystal]

Imagine this….Part 2

“…so if I fuck some guy here……..you won’t care?”

He flexed his jaw and his eyes flinched. You could see it would obliviously bother him but he swayed his head signaling a no.

“Its your pussy mah do what you have to do.“

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 

“You should have fucked somebody at that damn club...maybe a white boy with red hair just to rub it in. If Malik tried that shit with me it would have been over.“ Tinah said boldly

“You mean your relationship?” You asked softly.

Your hoarse voice clearly giving away how much crying you had done the night before.

“Nah I mean his life.” Usually, you would have laughed at a funny remark like that but not today all you could put together ways a weak smile and a deep sigh.

In dead silence, Tinah and yourself laid in your warm bed watching reruns of Insecure. As you both sluggishly took popcorn from the bag you witnessed how Lawrence was trying to handle Issa cheating on him. The awkward moments, the silent conversations, the friends picking sides just the whole mess.

You were Lawrence! Maybe not totally Lawrence but you related to him a bit.

You didn't want to put the friend group you and Erik had in a position where they had to pick and choose. This was between you and him. Surely he thought the same right?

And that's why you slipped out of bed made your way to the bathroom and called him. Your hands were sweaty and your heart beating craze, even more then the time Erik was randomly being searched for drugs by some Cops. You remember telling him in a whisper to give you anything he had on him because if he got arrested he would lose his Scholarship, his job, life. Basically everything.

You washed your face with cold water and made the phone call.

Ring... Ring. . . Ring. . . The person you are trying to reach isn't accepting calls at this time.

“Come on Erik don’t do this to me”

You said under your breath. You tried again another 5 times and he still didn't pick up. You couldn't make any more excuses for him. You knew how organized that man was. His phone was always charged and on him. He damn near owned 3 power banks to your knowledge. This was the first time he had left you on voicemail and you were not pleased.

A notification popped up. The split second of hope that maybe he was getting back to you died.

@ErikKillmonger66 just posted.

You clicked on it to find the shook of your life. The sweet picture he took of you at the museum he had taken you to a couple of weeks back, where your highlighter and hair looked bomb had been deleted. Now replaced with a picture of some girl with neon green on his lap.

That’s when you knew he was really trying you. It was really over now. Him putting that picture up meant to you and the thousands of followers he had that you were no longer his girl.

No longer Erik’s Girl.

Anger surged through your veins. Storming into your room Tinah was half asleep.

“TINAH!“ You normal voice was slowly coming back to you.

“What in the hell is going on.”  You held the picture to her face and watched how her expression changed.

“Is this Erik ?...with...with Cassie“

“Who the fuck is Cassie ??“ You were sure the people up and down stairs could hear you but you really didn't care

“Look..... don’t worry about her, she steals everybody's man. Who you need to worry about is Erik and his head-ass.“ All you wanted to do was to rip that Shrek looking wig of her head hoping its glued down so her edges would be fucked up too.

“I hate him. I hate him so much. After everything Tinah! Everything....I've been loyal to him. AHH ........fuck what if he's been fooling around with other girls since the beginning and I didn't know. I must have been some stupid idiot to him...I was a just good pussy that had a place to crash and free food.“ You paced up and down your room. You didn't know if Tinah was even listening to you but you didn't mind, you just needed to vent.

Tinah made a face as she secretly scrolling through your DM’s

“umm, good pussy?? ...your pussy fucken fantastic bitch. Don’t downplay yourself like that.“ Tinah’s attempt to gassing you up was slowly working.

“Your ass is in MIT with no kids and no ex’s that would start shit with him. You beautiful. You play fucking sports and cook like a certified chef and he acts like that. CUT! HIM! OFF! (Y/N)“

Even thought Tinah tried to get you to leave him for 7 days now, deep down she knew you wouldn't. You seriously loved Erik. She saw the way you looked at him and how you touched him in public. Griping on his thick bicep, hugging his waist or placing your hand on his thigh when he drove you around, just little sweet physically reminders that told him you were there for him.

Tinah noticed how you would go out of your way to make him happy. She didn't think it was unhealthy at all. Erik had never asked for anything drastic or selfish and you would never do anything you were not comfortable with. Tinah deeply appreciated that equilibrium. So much so that she would compare her relationship with Malik to your own relationship with Erik. She would never admit it to anyone but she really didn't have any positive relationships to look up to growing up. It was either Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable or Beyonce and Jay Z.

But now it was you. If she was having problems with Malik. She would think

“What would Erik and (Y/N) do? ”

“How would Erik and (Y/N) solve this? “

“How would Erik and (Y/N) go forward from here? “

The whole situation obviously didn’t hurt her as much as it did to you but she felt some type of way about it.

“.....You know what? You right...”

She looked up at you still in your oversize pajama top, hair all over the place.

“What?“

“You are absolutely right. I should get over his ass. I put some much time, love and effort into him and look at me.....“

“ so what’s about happen now...“ Tinah asked carefully

“Am about to get in the shower while you make me a tinder profile and find me, good-looking men, to mess with....“

Tinah erupted in laughter.

“Yes. yes, Bitch... am here for you. This is why am here....Get your sticking ass you there and clean up while I look for some Nubian dick.“

“Hey. Ill take Colonizer dick too!“ you shouted back to her, scrubs, oils and towel in hand as you head to the bathroom.

Water cascaded down your form. Fulling up the room with steam. You were nervous but you didn't want it to show. You were a little confused as to why you felt guilty. You hadn't even done anything yet and you felt bad until you had the flashback to Erik looking down at you, face filled with tears and he did nothing but disown you. That’s when your fire reignited again and hell...it didn't help that Tinah was blasting Beyonce’s Sorry from your laptop.

It was about 7:45 PM and you noticed Tinah was getting ready with you.

“T, where is your ass going? You cant go thoting with me.....You still have a man.“

She helped you clip in your wig and iron it down.

“Please... Malik knows I won't do anything crazy.He worries but he doesn't care.“

“Well, it's either your a changed women or he doesn't know about your past...“

“listen to me (Y/N) there is something called Trust okay...It's something I want but doesn’t give out“ You laughed, Fully this time. A genuine laugh that tickled your tummy.

“You mean head??“ Clapped her hands.

“....I suck my man's dick for my-“ You quickly covers her mouth with your hand but careful not to mess up her stunning makeup.

“No!!“

You enjoyed this atmosphere. Just you and your friend having a laugh. The smell of hairspray and perfume. Getting ready to slay with Beyonce playing in the background,  what more could you have wanted. For a brief moment, you forgot about the whole Erik mess and just watching Tinah happily picking out an outfit from your closet and trying on your clothes.

After 2 hours you finally ready to leave. Tinah had found 17 guys who were ready to meet you. You knew 5 from school, 3 were Erik’s friends and the rest were good-looking strangers.

“I like this one.“ you pointed at the profile of some guy from school who took some classes with you and Erik. You had hit the jackpot. You going to make Erik eat his words.

Making your way to the front entrance of dorm building you see the UBER Tinah had called for but right next to it parked the Jeep you knew too well. Erik was leaning on his black Jeep with his phone in hand. You froze and both Erik and Tinah looked at you. She followed your eyes and saw Erik walking towards you.

“Where you going dressed like that. Does Malik know you here.“ You knew he shouldn't have said that.

“Nigga keep my man's name out you dirty mouth...You hear me?!“ She pulled you towards the UBER while she warned him.

“Look I don’t wanna fight with you... I need to talk to (Y/N)“

“No, what you NEED to do is take your little as car and go to your Quinceañeras bitch and leave (Y/N) alone “

during the back and fourth Tinah and Erik were having you noticed how tired he looked. Red eyes and how messy his dreads were. All you wanted to do was to run and hold him. Place his head in the croak on your neck but he hurt you. He didn't have that privilege anymore.

Tinah had pulled you to the UBER but your feet stopped walking when you heard him say the words you had been imagining him saying all week.

“Baby am sorry.“

It was like a tug or war and you were the rope. Tinah physically pulling you to one side and Erik pulling you with his words.

“Why should I believe you? You insulted me Erik and left me hanging. Am sorry baby is noting going to cut it! “

“You right ...I messed up ...big time. Am just dealing with some issues I -“ You cut him off

“Issues?! You had me out there looking like a fucking fool because you had issues?? Nigga, I have issues too. Big ones but you don’t see me playing around with what we have.....what we had... You clowned me and that’s okay. I fell for it just like all the hoes you been with.‘‘

You could see that angered him.

“You know that's not true. You not like them hoes.“

“Is that why you couldn’t pick up my calls this morning?”

“Bicth you called him...For what?” You ignored her question waiting to see what would respond with.

“Let’s forget about this confused Nigga and go!“ Tinah stated pulling you to the UBER again

“Okay ama say it -“ You paused and turned again to face him

”- I love you. I don't like you..... or I don't kinder feel you, Nah. Not all of that. I absolutely love you and am scared as shit ...that I will lose you just like I did my dad..my mama. I figured if you hated me and you didn't want anything to do with me It would be easier to part ways. I rather have a heartbreak now then later. I won't lie..... I stayed cause you were a good fuck but then you started talking. Making me food and shit. Taking me on cute little-unplanned dates like I was 14 or something. No one in my life has ever given a shit about me the way you did. I mean ...no one! I didn't even know how to receive that kind of treatment.....All I kept thinking was shes just doing this for something in return, that’s how the world works right. Give and take. nah not you. You didn't even tell people we were smashing...that shit blew me away. You helped me figure out a lot of things about myself without judging or looking down at me. If I told a bitch why I got these scars they would....they would run and never look back but you believed me when I said that lifestyle was over and that am here to start afresh...That shit I said at the club was bullshit and am sorry that I hurt you...I don’t wanna to hurt. You're my princess..... why the fuck I wanna see you cry. That shit al almost killed me. I also have to say sorry you to Tinah. Am sure I put you in a weird position with Malik being my Boy and all. Thank you for being by her side.”

Erik’s apology was so deep and sweet even the UBER driver had been sitting and listing from his car.

“I know I messed up but please just give me one more time ....the both of you. Baby (Y/N) I’ll be a better boyfriend, Tinah I’ll be a better friend. Y’all can think about it.“

What would you do ???.

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