#jason doesn’t care enough about dick to include him in his plans for revenge

[aviatrickss]

*takes a deep breath and leans in so close that my lips touch the microphone*

the tragedy of dick and jason’s relationship as brothers is not that they hated each other and then jason died, or that they were super close and then jason died. the tragedy is that dick did not know enough about jason to know how to mourn him. were they brothers? were they rivals? dick sure doesn’t know, and jason doesn’t either! but it’s fine bc they have plenty of time to figure that shit out, they don’t need to know each other right now bc there will be time to know each other later.

except.

[verymuchimmortalcat]

Maribat March Day 13: Reverse Robins

ao3

@maribatmarch-2k21 

Their Ages:

Damian: 25

Tim: 19

Steph: 18

Cass: 17

Jason:17

Dick: 11

Marinette: 8

Jason had a plan to bring Tim home for the holidays. Tim hadn’t responded to the invitation that Bruce had sent him. It didn’t necessarily shock anyone but Marinette had been really upset. She adored her second eldest brother and on the rare occasion Tim was in the Manor or the cave, he was always accompanied by the eight-year-old who followed behind him chattering on about whatever she had found interesting.

Tim was probably given the same place as Dick had. Though everyone had accepted that if Marinette had a favourite it would be Cass. Which was understandable.

It was funny how Dick had latched onto Damian and Marinette with Tim. The two of them had somehow managed to get attached to the two brothers, whose rare interactions usually ended in arguments.

His plan was simple. Take Marinette with him on patrol and go to one of Tim’s safe houses. Let her use her puppy eyes on him and if that doesn’t work, Jason can probably bribe him with Alfred’s food. Jason’s sure they won’t have to resort to bribery. He’s seen the Damian Wayne give in to her puppy eyes. (Cass had managed to take a video and had sent it to Jon, who sent it to the rest of Damian’s friends. Damian had taken to threatening to stab anyone who brought it up but none of them took him seriously.)

All he had to figure out now, was how to sneak her out on patrol with him. Dick had started his training but Marinette had decided she was going to help Steph and Alfred with comms and whatever little help she could provide around the med bay. It was adorable. But none of that helped with getting her out of the house, even if he picks a day where he’s on solo patrol, Alfred would notice that Marinette was missing.

In the end he tells Alfred he’s taking Marinette to talk to Tim. Alfred agrees, probably because its weird to see the most cheerful person in their house being gloomy. Even Bruce had tried to distract her to help her feel better. Not that it had helped.

He tells Marinette about his plan and she agrees. Tim doesn’t show up in the cave in the days after he tells Marinette of his plan. He seems to be avoiding the family completely in fact. He’s sure Marinette’s noticed too. Marinette gets more and more excited before his next solo patrol. The day he tells her they’re going; she’s practically bouncing in excitement. The whole family notices but doesn’t say anything, glad to have their ray of sunshine back. Jason thinks Cass knows and isn’t saying anything but he isn’t in a hurry to find out. For all he knows Marinette might’ve just told her.

He stays behind in the changing rooms for a while. And once he’s sure everyone’s left and he comes to grab Marinette, he realises Dick is still there. Dick will definitely notice his sister’s disappearance but he might tell Damian if they tell him where they’re going. And if Damian shows up, Marinette’s pleading or not, they weren’t going to achieve anything. Thankfully, Dick heads back up a while later, he must have been tired out by his training.

Jason hands Marinette a domino mask and takes his bike. He knows better than to grapple around Gotham City with a child. Steph just smiles at them as they scurry across the cave. He’s not shocked, if Cass knows than Steph definitely knows. At this point he’s just glad Marinette didn’t tell Dick.

They head to the safehouse Tim had been in the last time. Hopefully, Tim’s there. Jason doubts he’s gone on patrol, since he’s been trying to avoid the rest of them, he’s probably just working on case files.

Tim is there. Jason parks his bike in an alleyway and hands Marinette the mask solvent. She removes the mask soon enough and they go to find Tim. Marinette knocks on the door. Jason behind her, hidden in the shadows. The door opens to reveal Tim with a scowl on his face looking straight ahead, and before he can make out Jason in the shadows, Marinette hugs him, joyfully squealing, “Timtam!”

Tim looks down, bewildered, at the tiny kid that has currently wrapped herself around Tim.

“Marinette? What are you doing here?”

Still clinging on, she continues to speak happily, “Jayjay brought me.”

Looking up Tim spots him immediately, stepping forward, Jason offers him a sheepish grin.

Tim narrows his eyes at him, “why are the two of you here?”

Jason ignores his question and says, “we should head inside, don’t wanna bring attention to ourselves,” gesturing to his costume. And Jason walks into the apartment, steadily ignoring Tim glaring daggers behind him. Marinette has stopped clinging onto Tim and is skipping into the house dragging Tim behind her once he shuts the door.

Marinette goes back to hanging off of Tim like a monkey once he comes to a standstill.

“Mind telling me why the two of you are here?”

“Don’t look at me, Pixie was the one who wanted to talk to you.”

He looks at Marinette, who offers him a blinding grin. Tim melts a little and sits down, Marinette now having settled on his shoulders. He can’t wait to check out the footage from his mask later. This is going to hilarious. Gotham’s scary anti-hero caving under grins from his littlest sibling.

Marinette cuts to the chase, clambering of his shoulders, she sits cross legged on his lap, eyes wide and pouting. Jason stifles his urge to giggle. She looks up at him, and says sounding so sad that Jason wants to wrap her up in blankets and eat chocolate until Alfred scolds them, “Bruce said you’re not coming to the Manor next week.”

“I- what?”

She sniffles, and damn is Jason impressed, “for the holidays, Damian came home yesterday, Jon will be there next week. Cass and Steph are both there, B’s taken the week off from work. You’re the only one not coming.”

He’s still staring at Marinette with wide eyes, and a confused face. But he sounds perfectly collected when he says, “And do the others want me there?”

She gives him an indignant look, “Of course they do, why would they send an invitation if they didn’t want you there?”

“I don’t know,” he says, phrasing it as a question.

“Great, then you’re coming,” she says happily.

“I am?”

Jason almost feels bad for Tim. Almost. He’s not physically hurt, the worst thing from this encounter would be when Jason sends his mask footage to Tim’s friends as revenge for the whole trying to kill him thing. Marinette’s going to develop a reputation of getting grown heroes (or anti-heroes in this case) to cave under smiles before she meets any of them.

Marinette continues cheerfully, “yup. It’ll be so much fun. Alfred promised he’s gonna make everyone’s favourites. Yours included. And then the gifts. Don’t forget to get gifts, by the way.”

“Uh…sure.”

They’ve been out for at least two hours, if they don’t leave now, they might not make it back to the cave before the others do. Before Marinette can start on another tirade, he interrupts her, “We’ve gotta go now, if we don’t wanna be grounded.”

Marinette pouts but she gets up. She hugs Tim one more time and makes him promise that he’ll be there the next week. She skips out of the apartment happier than Jason had seen her all week.

They reach the cave before the others. Marinette informs Alfred and Steph that Tim agreed to come and Alfred ensures her that he’d take care of the necessary arrangements and that he’s glad that she convinced Tim to join them. She casually says, “he thought we didn’t actually want him here, that’s silly. Of course, we want him here.” She misses the sudden pain in Alfred and Stephanie’s expressions

Steph puts a hand on the bouncing Marinette’s shoulder, “maybe you should keep reminding him.”

Marinette looks at her and nods gravely, “ok.” She yawns then and Alfred sends her up to bed. Telling her she’s had a long night. Marinette wishes them all good night and rushes up the stairs.

The next morning Marinette informs the others, that ‘Timtam’ will be joining them and they have to get him a gift. No one provides Bruce with an answer when he asks how she knows, even though Jason’s sure all his siblings know by now.

True to his word Tim shows up the next week. He leaves at the end of the week. But Marinette and Jason now have an established system. It takes Tim, three more times of the same process before he catches on. He’s not immune to it though. So, every time Tim turns away from their “family bonding” Jason takes Marinette to whatever safe house he’s in and Marinette talks him into coming. Eventually they don’t need to do that and Tim just agrees the first time.

Being Dick's sister, she's been performing most of her life, she'd be able to pull off the whole fake tears thing..

[miss-choco-chips]

Robin and Red X

Just a silly thing I wrote for @animemangasoul. Hopefully this makes you laugh a bit, hon! No edit whatsoever.

The titans were having a difficult time reconciling their easy going, funny, sure of himself leader with the hot mess in front of them.

“Uhh…”Wally, the bravest of them all, places a careful hand on his shoulder. “Maybe we should… call your dad?”

Robin turns to look at him so fast it almost looks like his neck broke. Beast boy screams, turns into a rabbit and jumps into Raven’s arms, because the sound that came from Rob’s mouth wasn’t human at all.

“If any of you call Batman, I’ll personally ensure living hell for everyone in the Team. This is MY case!”

Wally hastily retreats, hands up in a surrender gesture. 

“Okay, okay! I’m just saying, chill. This Red X dude has been giving us all too much trouble, maybe Bats could point us in the right direction or…”

They think Dick said ‘no’, but it was more of a demonic screeching.

“But we’ll respect your wishes! Because you are our friend!”, and you scare us shitless, he added in his mind. 

Roy signaled at Wally, the moment Dick turned his back to them again. Something like ‘are we calling the Bat anyway?’, to which Wally replied ‘I don’t have a death wish, fuck no’.

They never really get around to capture Red X, but no one dares to bring up asking Batman for help again. The mysterious anti hero keeps kicking all their asses each and every time they face him, always having a countermeasure for their specific powers or abilities, but honestly? He’s not as scary as an unhinged Dick could be, so they’d rather fight him than wait for bathed breath for Dick’s revenge if they went behind his back to solve the case with his old mentor.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Jason hasn’t inherited the Robin cape from his predecessor. Dick wasn’t happy, seeing a new kid using his suit without permission, when he himself apparently hadn’t been ready to let it go.

But Jason wanted to be Robin. Needed it. All the good he could do… the people like him he could help… This was his chance of doing right. Of proving the world (proving himself) he was not like his father, a complete and utter trash that belonged in the dumpster that was Arkham. That he, a street rat, could be a hero.

So he fought for his right to the mask, even if he sometimes felt the itch to go wild and do his own thing. Because honestly, being Robin was awesome, but having Batman constantly breathing down his neck? Yeah, not so much.

So when Dick, now Nightwing, approached him one afternoon while Bruce was out on business, he was both weary and desperate for some distraction.

Which was exactly what the dude provided.

“What I’m going to show you”, Dick starts, slowly, after he’s checked there are no ears on them, ”it’s Robin’s secret. The only one we manage to keep from Batman. What our ancestors saved for us, our legacy.”

“We are the only two Robins, dipshit.”

“Shut up this is a formal process. Do you wanna know or not?”

“Just… tone down the roleplaying.”

“Fuck off, that’s the best part.”

Curiosity trumping annoyance, he watches as Dick places a briefcase in the coffee table where he was doing his math homework.

“This right here, it’s all the information, anything you ought to know about our mantle’s most important endgame. This is Robin’s never-ending mission. Our Moby dick. Red X.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Jason approached Tim with the briefcase, Tim’s first thought was ‘he’s going to bribe me’- an automatic response after working on Wayne Enterprises for months now. 

The second was ‘he has someone’s head there hasn’t he. Am I going to be an accomplice? What crime was this, and can I hide it from Bruce?’.

The third and final ‘maybe I should ask him first’.

His -thankfully sane now- predecessor reached the little nook where Tim had tucked himself, in hopes of staying hidden from Damian long enough to enjoy the mannor’s wifi without having to stand his bitching. He sits cross legged in front of him.

“So. Give me all you have on Red X.”

This was… unexpected, but not unprecedented. The family tends to think of him as a convenient alternative to some criminal wikipedia sometimes. 

Obediently (because then he’ll get to go back to his research sooner), he rattles out what little he could scrounge on the antihero. It was, admittedly, not much; any younger hero had not heard of Red X, as he’d been dormant for some years now, and the older ones were forbidden to talk about him by Dick himself. The first Robin had claimed ownership of the antihero, and anyone caught working on his case without his permission would find themself with their life turned around  in the most inconvenient of ways before they could even finish burying the evidence. With Bruce taking a neutral stand on the matter, merely respecting his son’s wishes, no one was willing to risk the fury of someone with Batman’s resources and knowledge.

Except, apparently, Jason, because he was opening the briefcase and turning it in his direction.

“Let me tell you a lil story, that Dickie shared with me some years ago. I wasn’t a good predecessor for a long time ‘ere, Timmers, and I wanna make it right by properly passing this on. The true legacy of Robin; the mystery of Red X.”

“I… I’m not Robin any longer”, he blurted out, though his fingers twitched to touch the contents of the briefcase, to go through all that juicy, sweet treasure.

“Doesn’t matter. Dickie gave Robin without your permission, but this… this only I can pass on, just as you can only pass it to the brat when yer ready. No one can take this away, or Dickie loses the claim he has on Red X.”

Jason opens the briefacase all the way, then.

Tim drops his coffee.

Suddenly, there was something way more important. As unholy as it sounded.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Damian was invited by Drake to their own private ‘bonding night’, he was weary but hopeful. He’d been trying to fix their bond for some time now, so he could not ruin this chance, as suspicious as it sounded.

So they watched a movie, ate vegetarian pizza (Damian felt emotions when he realized Tim knew, paid attention) and complained about their older siblings and their role as Robin.

“It’s just… a heavy burden”, he admits. If someone can understand his feelings, it’d be Timothy after all.

“I get you. There’s also the matter of Dick’s and Bruce’s expectations on you.”

“I have to be perfect for them, all the time. The smallest mistake and… I could lose my family. But I feel so trapped…”

Tim’s hand found his and squeezed it. When Damian looked up, the older teen had a compassive look on his eyes.

“I might have the solution for that.”

As if he had planned this (perhaps he had), Tim retrieved a briefcase from under the couch they were occupying.

“Dick gave this to Jason, and he to me. Now, I’m passing this on to you.”

Damian tilted his head, a bit confused.

“I.. am already Robin.”

Tim smiled and pushed the case closer to him.

“This is even better. The freedom to the bindings that come with the suit. Open it.”

Curious, still weary but unwilling to lose any ground he had gained with his brother, he obeyed.

And promplty dropped it to the ground.

“What is this?!!”

“This”, Tim smiles, cheshire-cat-like, “is the Red X costume, and all his toys. Including, but not limited to, a perfect holographic devise, to use to make people think you are fighting Red X, to clean your name should anyone suspect the truth. I’ve been using it all this last few months, to…”

“Ruin my life?!”, he yells, because it’s not a secret Red X had came back from dormancy to utterly fuck with Robin, taunting him and beating his ass at every turn. It had been doubly frustrating, because everyone refused to speak about the antihero to him, so he had no information on the man to hunt him down properly.

“Chill. I just.. needed to vent a bit. And this suit helped me, which is the entire purpose of Red X.”

“I...don’t understand.”

Tim placed the briefcase in the coffee table and inched closer to Damian.

“Dick created the alias back in the day, when the pressure of being a perfect Robin became too much and he just… wanted to fuck shit up. Unwind a bit. He couldn't do it as himself and lose all the respect from the other heroes he had managed to amass, so he needed a scapegoat for it.”

Damian felt a tug of interest in his gut. He tried to surreptitiously look at the briefcase. 

“Being Robin is tiresome. It’s too heavy a burden. Always perfect partner, always a goodie two shoes… Red X allows you to go wild, be gay-do crime sort of thing, without meddling from any other hero in the community. Burn a warehouse. Use the rocket launcher B has under lock and key. Fuck whoever dumb crimefighter  you dislike the most up. Stir shit whenever you feel life’s been too quiet. Let go and have fun... Damian, aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you just want to go ape shit?”

His fingers were digging into the suit before his older brother could even finish talking.

[nokomiss]

For the prompt, how about Jason and Damian with Letter J? Thank you.

I didn’t forget this, @dn-ky! just got a little busy. Hope you enjoy! 

*

There was a loud thumping noise and even louder cursing coming from the library.

Jason would normally keep walking, heading instead to the kitchen for that home cooked meal that Alfred had promised, but he recognized the voice.  Damian sounded frustrated to the point of tears,which simply was not normal, and he had the feeling that if Tim or Bruce wandered by and chose to investigate, that Damian would buck up and become even more recalcitrant than usual.

He stood outside the door for a long moment, listening -- the cursing continued, though quieter, and with a single-minded determination that Jason almost admired. He sighed and pushed open the door. Damian was in the center of the room, surrounded by a small fortune’s worth of art supplies.  This wouldn’t be unusual, except instead of Damian’s preferred sketchpads, pencils and paints, he was surrounded by hot glue guns, googly eyes, and various colorful bits of fluff.

“What the hell is all this?” Jason asked, nudging  a pile of what looked like feathers dyed in primary colors with the toe of his boot.

“A nightmare,” Damian said darkly. There was a smear of blue paint on his nose; Jason was absolutely not going to tell him about it.

“So I see,” Jason said. There was a poster board in front of Damian that he was attempting to glue pipe cleaners along the edges of. It wasn’t going well, judging by the glops of glue and the sad state of the pipe cleaners.  My Family, it proclaimed in colorful balloon letters. He was going to regret this, but… “Can I help?”

“No.” Damian abandoned the pipe cleaners and dug through the pile of craft supplies, coming up with some sparkly fuzzballs. He picked up the glue gun and began to affix them around a picture of Bruce. It looked as though Bruce was being attacked by muppets.

Jason gave one more thought to the home cooked meal; Alfred had promised him soup. He supposed that it would wait. Sit there simmering away while he granted mercy to the boy.

It would still be waiting on him.  He sat down and grabbed some glue.

“You know who you should call?” Jason said a few minutes later after making the mistake of opening the glitter. 

“Absolutely not.”  Damian didn’t even look up from where he was adding sparkly letters under Jason’s picture. Jason leaned over to see what he was spelling out: RIP.

“You know how happy Steph gets when there’s glitter and you ask her for help,” Jason tried again. He could leave, he knew, but they were actually making progress and Damian was no longer cursing.

“No one else can know,” Damian said, probably trying for stern but it was undercut by the fact that glitter now cling to the paint on his nose. It was adorable. Jason was going to take a pic the second the kid’s attention was turned and use it as blackmail for years. 

Then he noticed what Damian was doing. “Hey, those flames better be because of how fire I am, not because of anything theological.”

Damian lowered the flame sticker and put it to the side, leaving the picture of fifteen year old Jason unmarred. 

“So why are you going this overboard?” Jason asked. Damian had a tendency to overdo things, sure, but this was hardly his style.

Damian focused on adding a poop emoji sticker over Tim’s picture. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. Embarrassed. “This is a redo.”

“A redo— Damian, did you fail an assignment?”  Jason forgot what he was doing and accidentally let a puddle of glitter glue form. “Shit,” he muttered, attempting to mop it up.  

Damian’s silence spoke volumes. Jason looked again at the mountain of colorful, sparkly supplies and did the math. “Did your teacher suggest more color?”

“She said my first attempt was austere and depressing,” Damian admitted. 

Jason narrowed his eyes. “Show me.”

Damian shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”  He carefully drew an elaborate border around Cass’s picture in purple marker. 

Jason thought it did matter. He stood up, brushing stray bits of glitter off his pants -- these were his work pants, too, he was going to be leaving a glitter trail on the rooftops of Gotham tonight -- and headed for Damian’s backpack, which was laying near the door. Like the kid had dropped it on his way in, which, again, not like him.

Damian was so focused on his art that he didn’t realize Jason’s plan at first. 

The poster board was folded up and crammed into the back pocket of the backpack, and Jason almost looked it over at first. It was dark enough to blend in.Then -- just as Damian launched himself at Jason and attempted to stop him from opening it, Jason easily dodged him and opened it anyway.

It was austere, the teacher had been right on that count. But the effort Damian had put in to capture the family’s aesthetic was incredible-- dark grey poster board, black and white pictures of each family member, with a careful description beneath each. No further decoration, but it was clean and classic, and reminded Jason of the lines of the Wayne building downtown.

Then he realized that the black and white pictures were actually sketches of each family member. Bruce looking on with approval, arms crossed over his chest. Dick laughing, a spoonful of cereal halfway to his mouth. Tim grinning with a gaming controller gripped in both hands, clearly gleeful from a victory. Cass caught mid-pirouette, lines of her body clean and graceful. Duke with a soft smile, like he wasn’t quite sure how he’d ended up there, but was glad for it. Alfred, mouth quirked up in that smirk he got so often when watching them. Even Talia, the pencil marks soft enough to make her seem almost gentle. 

And there was even Jason. Damian had left his face unfinished enough that he looked like the child he’d been before his death, though the smile was the same.  

Damian had even included pictures of the pets, carefully and lovingly rendered.

“What the fuck,” Jason said. “Why are we creating this monstrosity when you did this?”

“My teacher doesn’t believe that I did it,” Damian said stiffly.”She said I was to do another one unassisted.”

“Your teacher’s an asshole,” Jason said. “This is incredible.”

He looked back at the mess of glitter, glue, and various craft supplies that was drying on the floor. “You know what we should do?”

“We are not hanging that up,” Damian said stiffly. Jason shook his head. “I think we should go egg your teacher’s house.”

Damian scrunched up his nose. “I don’t think--”

“If you think that Robin and Red Hood can’t manage to egg one house without getting caught…”

“I didn’t say that,” Damian said stiffly.

“Then come on,” Jason said, folding the poster back up. “You can turn in the new one tomorrow. But tonight? Sweet revenge.”

Damian hesitated a moment more before succumbing to his desire for vengeance.

He even got caught up enough in gathering egging supplies that he didn’t notice that Jason took the poster.

[spooder-moon]

Becoming - Part 6 Jason Todd x Bat!Reader

Summary: You had been best friends with Jason Todd for as long as you could remember, things changed when he became Robin for sure, but they changed even more when he became the Red Hood.

A/N: LAST CHAPTER IS FINALLY HERE!! I am so sorry this too so fkn long, I have been overwhelmed with uni starting again and honestly have just had no creative flow in my constant state of sleep deprivation. Sorry, honestly it’s really really shit but I had no idea how to end this thing. 

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Bad writing ?!, violence I guess, kinda fluffy but also kinda angsty idek

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five

Bruce and Dick were waiting for you when you got back to the Batcave, Dick’s face showed worry while Bruce’s only held anger.

“Where have you been?” Bruce demanded an answer, but you felt as though he already knew it.

“Just out.” You weren’t in the mood to be scolded, honestly all you wanted was a drink even though you knew it would end badly. 

“I know you followed me and I know you went after the Red Hood, what happened?”

“Nothing, he got away,” You lied through your teeth. “So I went on parol, let off some steam, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Why didn’t you take you’re intercom?” Dick chimed in from behind Bruce.

You shrugged, “Forgot I guess, left in a hurry.”

There was a silence between the three of you, you knew they could tell that you were lying but they also knew that whatever happened tonight was something you definitely didn’t want to talk about. You rarely lied to them so when you did, they knew it must be for good reason. 

“Now, if you’re done interrogating me, its been a long night and I need a shower.” You made your way back to the Manor. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

…

When you walked out of your ensuite, after a very long and very hot shower, you found Dick sitting on your bed waiting for you. You rolled your eyes at him before walking around him and crawling into bed, burying yourself under the covers with a sigh. There was silence for a few moments before you heard him sigh and move around, you thought he was leaving but were mistaken when he got under the covers with you. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Dick asked softly.

You only grunted in return and turned away from him. He didn’t give up so easily though as he grabbed your waist and rolled you back over to face him. You huffed.

“Y/N, what happened?”

“It  was him, Dick,” you whispered out, “the Red Hood is Jason.”

“How’s that even possible?” Dick asked, shocked from what you had just told him. 

“I don’t know, something about the Al Ghul’s and a Lazerous Pit? Fucked him up real bad though, he’s not the same, not at all.” You brought your hands up the drag over your face, finding the whole situation somewhat ridiculous. 

“So what happened? Did you track him down, talk to him? What?”

“I followed him and he lead me to my old apartment, that alone made me uneasy. When I got inside he was waiting for me, facing away, but when he took off his helmet. Dick, I knew from the back of his head that it was him, and he knew it was me. The next few hours were so perfect in every way. It’s like we were meant for each other. I didn’t even think twice about kissing him let alone sleeping with him. And I know I shouldn’t have but, we just fit so perfectly together, I felt like I’d been waiting my whole life for that moment. It was like magic.” You were gushing, thinking of what had happened, realising how happy you were in those few hours where nothing else mattered but the fact that Jason was with you and you were with him. You frowned. “And then I saw why he really came back. It hurt that it wasn’t for me but for some big revenge plan. That’s when I realised he wasn’t the same, yes the old Jason was always compulsive and reckless but he never this angry, now he’s just filled at hate and it’s like he doesn’t know who to direct it to.”

“You mean he’s angry at Bruce?”

You nodded. “He’s planning something big, it’s going down tomorrow night and I’m going to be the one to stop it. I can’t let him hurt Bruce, not after all he’s done for me, but I also can’t let Jason hurt himself.”

“I can help.” Dick suggested but your shook your head.

“No, this is something I need to do. He said he loved me, which means the Jason I knew is still in there.” 

“You still love him don’t you?”

You laughed, although nothing about this situation was remotely funny, “I never stopped. And now that he’s back, I can’t let him go again, it’d be the end of me.”

… 

You didn’t tell Bruce what Jason had planned for him, though you were thinking maybe you should have as you put on your suit. 

Batman was gone at the first alert of Joker’s release, and you weren’t far behind. You knew this had to all be apart of Jason’s plan so you had to keep one step ahead at all times. You watched the Red Hood and Batman chase and fight from a distance, being careful not to been seen by either. Soon enough you figured out that Jason was leading Bruce back to your old apartment. You decided you would meet them there. When you got there you hid in the abandoned apartment next door, getting there only minutes before Jason and Bruce crashed through the bathroom window of your old one. On the other side of the wall you could hear them fighting, the sound of ceramic breaking as someone was thrown against the bathtub. 

When the sound of punches thrown, grunts of pain and shattered tiles stopped you moved into the hallway and hovered outside the door. What you didn’t expect was to hear the Joker’s laugh of the other side of it. You couldn’t understand what they were saying on the other side of the door but when you heard the shot of a gun and Jason’s cry it was time to get into action. You burst through the door and took in what was around you. Batman stood by the window, seemingly unharmed, the Joker was tied up and severely beaten, and Jason was on the floor. One of his hands was bloody where you assumed his gun must have exploded, the other hand held the switch to the bomb that was currently counting down in the fireplace. No, you were too late. 

“Ooo goody, another bat come to play.” Joker was the first person to speak of your presence before he pounced on Bruce and started punching him. 

When Jason saw you he held a look of pure panic. “Y/N what are you doing here?! You need to leave! Run!” He was shouting at you but all you could focus on was the countdown on the Bomb, 3 seconds. 

It was like everything was in slow motion, acting on instinct you ran to Jason, you couldn’t let him die again. You threw your body against him in a fable attempt to shield him from the blast. Your arms wrapped tightly around his neck and his curled around your waist on instinct. With one second left on the clock you whispered ‘I love you’ into his ear before white noise filled your ears and you were thrown against each other as the building collapsed on top of you. And then everything went black. 

…

You didn’t know how much time had passed. You awoke to rubble being moved off of you, it was dark around you but you could see Bruce’s silhouette above you. Your body ached all over and you could barely move. The excruciating pain in your left leg and right side ribs told you that they were broken. But none of that mattered as you looked to the body that lay underneath you. Jason. 

You heaved yourself up to hover over him, as to not crush him anymore, an effort that was done with a scream of pain. But it was worth it when you saw that he was still breathing. 

“Bruce, help me, please.” You asked weakly as you tried to lift yourself into a standing position, trying as well to bring Jason with you but his unconscious body was too heavy for you, especially in the state you were in. 

Bruce helped you to stand as you leaned all your weight of one leg before he scooped Jason up in his arms. 

“I’m sorry.” Was all you could think of to say, although you weren’t even sure what you were sorry for. 

“Me too.” Bruce replied.

…

When you got back to the Batcave Jason started to regain consciousness. Joker was back in Arkham, your leg and ribs were in a cast, both you and Jason were covered in bandages and Bruce was somewhere talking to Alfred and Dick. 

You sat beside the table that Jason lay on, almost asleep when you heard him grunt in pain. You looked up to see him trying to sit up, clutching his side where his ribs were severely bruised, but you had definitely turned out worse. 

“What happened?” He asked.

You had to roll your eyes at that one, yes you were happy he was alive but you were beyond pissed at him for what he had just done. “You tell me, you’re the one that just tried to kill everyone, including yourself.”

He was silent for a moment. “Why did you save me?”

You sighed. “I wasn’t going to let you die, not again. No one deserves that. And even though you’re now a criminal and you just tried to kill your adoptive Father, I still love you. As stupid as that makes me.”

He let out a small laugh at that, “Yeah that does make you pretty stupid.” You glared at him. “But I love you too, never stopped and never will.” 

“What happens now?” You asked the question you were both thinking. “I can’t be with you and work with Bruce, we both know that.”

“Work with me then, I mean, be with me. I need you Y/N, please don’t let me walk away without you.” 

You liked the idea of it but there was a small part of you that worried about this new Jason, he loved you, you knew that and you didn’t doubt that his intentions were pure but… you couldn’t help but think of all the anger you’ve seen in him. You didn’t want a life of killing criminals, and you didn’t want to become one. “Jay, I-I can’t kill, you know that. I can’t become a criminal, I can’t give into that darker side.” 

“And I’m not asking you to. Just, run away with me for a while, away from Bruce, and away from Gotham.” 

You couldn’t say no, you had wanted Jason for too long, so you didn’t. “Okay.”

“Really?” You laughed at how surprised he sounded at your answer. 

“Yeah, really.” 

Jason pressed his lips to yours, gently but firmly, and although you were both in pain, it was all you could focus on. His hands gently stroked your bruised jaw as yours pushed against the table, pressing yourself into him slightly. His lips were rough and his bottom lip was split open. As you ran your tongue lightly against it, the metallic taste of blood lingered slightly. Jason gently pressed his tongue against yours in an open mouthed kiss. Your lips danced against his in soft strokes, both of you too afraid to hurt the other, until you pulled away breathless. Jason rested his forehead against yours, wincing slightly as he bumped the large gash on it. 

“I love you”

You smiled, “I love you too."

…

The two of you had left Gotham that night, you didn’t know where you were going but neither of you cared, you were finally together and that’s all that mattered right now. 

You had told Bruce, Alfred and Dick that you were leaving straight after you had decided. Although it was a conflicting a decision they all understood why you were leaving, they knew you needed this more than you needed your alter ego. Bruce had only said one thing as you left, “Bring him back to us.” And you had replied the only way you knew how, “I will.”

And you really hoped you could keep that promise. 

My very small taglist:

@allithewriter @batboys-and-other-messes @probsjosh @sleep-depiravation @yoursturelys @spunky-89 @catching-fire-in-the-wind

[spryfilm]

“Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man” (1994 – 1997)

Television

70 Episodes

Created by: Everett Peck

Featuring: Jason Alexander, Gregg Berger, Nancy Travis, Dana Hill, Pat Musick, E.G. Daily, Dweezil Zappa

Duckman: “Did I ever tell you my Dad’s last words to me”

Cornfed: “Careful, son, I don’t think the safety is on.”

Duckman: “Before that.”

Never one to look back on ‘the good old days’ as there is little to be gained, especially when viewing older television shows, which on the most part have not aged very well I was extra pleased to see that one of the great adult animated shows “Duckman” (1994-1997) was being released on DVD, to, hopefully, a new audience which this hilarious as well as truly groundbreaking show deserves. Before the proliferation of more grown up animation there were only a handful of similarly veined shows viewers could turn to in the 1990s, of course those shows like this one broke rules, commented on the day as well as being truly funny. You may recognize the names, “Beavis and Butt-head” (1993-2011), “The Maxx” (1995), “Aeon Flux” (1991-1995), “Ren and Stimpy” (1991-1996) and “The Critic” (1994-1995), these were all in different ways genre defying as well as genre breaking something that happens all to rarely in the homogenized present we find ourselves in. Of course, some of these shows were more successful than others with the nadir being “Beavis and Butt-head” and “Ren and Stimpy”, but my personal favorite was always “Duckman”.

“Duckman”, the series centers on Eric T. Duckman (voiced by Jason Alexander), a lascivious, widowed, self-hating, grouchy anthropomorphic duck who lives with his family in Los Angeles (as mentioned in the episode “Bev Takes a Holiday”) and works as a private detective. The tagline of the show, seen in the opening credits, is “Private Dick/Family Man” (“dick” is a triple entendre).

Main characters include Cornfed (voiced by Gregg Berger), a pig who is Duckman’s Joe Friday-esque business partner and best friend, Ajax (voiced by Dweezil Zappa), Duckman’s eldest, mentally-slow teenage son; Charles (voiced by Dana Hill and later Pat Musick) and Mambo (voiced by E. G. Daily), Duckman’s Conjoined twin child genius sons whose heads share a body; Bernice (voiced by Nancy Travis), Duckman’s sister-in-law and the identical twin of Beatrice who is a fanatic fitness buff and hates Duckman with a passion; Grandma-ma (voiced by Travis), Duckman’s comatose, immensely flatulent mother-in-law; Agnes Delrooney (voiced by Brian Doyle-Murray), Grandma-ma’s doppelgänger who kidnaps her and poses as her for several episodes; Fluffy and Uranus (voiced by Pat Musick), Duckman’s two Care Bear-esque teddy-bear office assistants.

Everett Peck is the sole creator of the television show, his drawings have appeared in The New Yorker, Playboy and Time, as well as numerous books, comics and movie posters. He has participated in gallery shows in Tokyo, Los Angeles, New York, and Washington, D.C., and has written animated cartoons for Rugrats and The Critic. “Duckman” was originally created as a comic book that was first published by Dark Horse in 1990, in 1994 Duckman was turned into an animated series.

The show was animated by Clasky-Csupo, and like their better-remembered, kid-focused shows “Rugrats” (1990-2006) it has an expressive, super-deformed art style that’s somewhat reminiscent of independent syndicated comics like those of Lynda Barry and early Matt Groening. The opening credits are super 90s with colorful collages and very stilted drop-frame animation, in this case with a backup theme by Frank Zappa, whose son Dweezil voices Duckman’s charmingly vacant surf-speaking son Ajax.

Like “The Critic”, “Duckman” encounters random celebrities at times. Like “Ren and Stimpy”, he’s insanely, cartoonishly violent, mostly to his two assistants, Fluffy and Uranus; Care Bear parodies who are sweetly naive and always bounce back from whatever lethal end they meet at their boss’ hands in any given scene. Like “Aeon Flux”, the show was not shy about showing as much animated female flesh as could be gotten away with. But all that was just sizzle on the steak: Duckman balanced the humor with pathos, rubbing in the fact that the lead character’s life is miserable, but also that he loves his three sons and deeply mourns his wife.

And then, at its best, “Duckman” contained utterly scathing satire that would raise eyebrows even today. Satire is extremely important to animation espepcially those series from the 1990s, it is a technique employed by writers to expose and criticize foolishness and corruption of an individual or a society, by using humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule. It intends to improve humanity by criticizing its follies and foibles.

In the intervening years, either by way of generational change, or just increasing conformity, we’ve lost that desire to mock. Cartoons today are safe. They may proffer to highlight social justice issues, or even raise awareness of important causes, but they do so in a neutral inoffensive manner.

Televison shows like “Duckman” are important beucase its seems like we have lost the tendancy to create proper satires espceiclly in animation. Shows (even web series) are focusing more on entertainment. Animation and cartoons in general are the perfect vehicle with which to mock the deservedly mockable. Politicians, silicon valley wonks, terrorists; all are so very ripe for plunder yet remain untouched. Has western society embraced a degree of political correctness that emasculates satire? It seems that way doesn’t it? Of course provoking unwanted responses isn’t helping. Not everyone enjoys having their faults and weaknesses exposed and many are wont to seek revenge on those who do. Yet animation’s unique place in the entertainment and art spheres means that it can tackle such complex issues without losing its humurous appeal. Satire is the most accessible way of doing so, and it’s a shame it seems to have vanished form contemporary shows and films. Here’s hoping it comes back.

Interestingly there are reasons why animal based animations are popular as well as extremely popular and they are:

 –  The so-called ‘Bambi effect’ suggests that humans find animals easier to empathise with, rather than other humans, on account of their ‘cuteness’.  Indeed, this phenomenon could also possibly be explained by Sigmund Freud’s theory that as children we consider ourselves equal to animals and so find it easy to empathise with them. Although this perception often does not last into adulthood, it still positively impacts upon adults’ attitudes towards animals.

 –  Animated animals, even more so than animated humans, are able to transcend these arbitrary distinctions to become universally appealing.

 – They are universal without being bland. However, their universality does not make them bland. Because they are not human, they can be attributed other interesting and defining characteristics that do not have cultural significance.

 –  Animals are similar enough to us to allow us to empathise with them, but not so similar that we feel their pain as if it were our own. This means animated animal characters provide an excellent way to explore difficult topics whilst maintaining a slight emotional distance.

 – Unlike human stereotypes, animal species stereotypes are unlikely to offend audiences.  By using animated, anthropomorphized characters, animators are able to use stereotypes to humorous effect.  Animal stereotypes can simultaneously provide satirical humour to adults and appear humorous to children simply on account of their ‘silliness’ or ‘cuteness’.

 – As much as the use of species stereotype can be important in helping to provide humour and further the plot, subverting tropes is also an effective way to create humour.

 – As human beings we like to consider ourselves as being at the centre of the universe.  This leads us to assume in our narcissism that all species have the same characteristics as us and so we project our characteristics onto animals almost unthinkingly.

 –  Humans expect less detail in the depiction of animals than they do in the portrayal of humans.  This means that animated animals can function as allegories in a way that human characters could not.

 – A lot of the comedy of animation tends to derive from exaggeration.  It is much easier to achieve this without causing offence when the characters aren’t human.

All in all “Duckman” was not only an entertaining show but one that spoke to people in terms of society, celebrity, economics and politics of the time. What is unique is that with the intervening years as well as the changes in technology this show still stands up as well as having something to say about the world we live in today.

“Duckman” is available now on DVD and is worth checking out.

Episodes:

Season 1:

“I, Duckman”– Feeling underappreciated by his family, Duckman hunts down the man mailing him bombs thinking he’s the only one who cares.

“T.V. or Not to Be”– Duckman is hired by a televangelist to find a missing painting and has a near-death experience after being captured and suffocated with cellophane.

“Gripes of Wrath”– Duckman takes his children to the unveiling of a supercomputer named Loretta. However, during the unveiling, Loretta overhears a comment Duckman makes and alters reality to make everything go Duckman’s way… for a while.

“Psyche”– Feeling insecure about himself, Duckman gets plastic surgery for his bill. Not long after, two buxom blondes hire him and Cornfed to investigate why they only attract men who only want them for their bodies causing Duckman to have a crisis of conscience.

“Gland of Opportunity”– After an accident at an amusement park, the cowardly Duckman has the adrenal gland of a daredevil transplanted into his body giving him a new outlook on life.

“Ride the High School”– Ajax is offered a scholarship to an exclusive boarding school, which Duckman sends him to, unaware that the scholarship is part of a plan by his arch-nemesis King Chicken.

“A Civil War”– Duckman gets jealous when his family showers Cornfed with attention, so he fires him during their next case: a death investigation for an insurance company.

“Not So Easy Riders”– To escape paying years of Duckman’s back taxes he and Cornfed flee on motorcycles.

“It’s the Thing of the Principal”– Ajax and his vice-principal fall in love and elope, leaving Bernice and Duckman to track them down, posing as a married couple themselves.

“Cellar Beware”– A home security expert gets Duckman to buy an elaborate security system—the “Interlopen Fuhrer 2000″—which first fails to prevent a burglary, then locks the whole family in the basement.

“American Dicks”– An episode of the reality show American Dicks films a day in the life of Duckman (chosen as the only agency not affected by a nationwide detective union’s strike) as he and Cornfed try to find the mayor after he’s been kidnapped.

“About Face”– Duckman dates an ugly woman whose voice he fell in love with when calling 911. People’s reactions, however, prompt her to seek a full makeover, making her gorgeous to everyone.

“Joking the Chicken”– A group of rude stand-up comics hire Duckman to stop Iggy Catalpa; a clean, mild-mannered, politically correct comedian whose bland, inoffensive brand of comedy becomes a sensation, thanks to his agent — King Chicken.

Season 2:

“Papa Oom M.O.W. M.O.W.”– Duckman becomes a national hero after saving the President from an assassination attempt, until it’s revealed that his “heroics” were an accident and he was merely trying to grope two women. Nonetheless he capitalizes on his newfound fame, penning a film for USA and planning a run for the Senate.

“Married Alive”– Bernice returns home from a European vacation and announces that she is marrying a self-made billionaire who plans to take her, Grandma-ma, and the kids away with him to Switzerland, leaving Duckman alone.

“Days of Whining and Neurosis”– Duckman and Cornfed go undercover at an exclusive celebrity-filled health and rehab spa to investigate the murder of a doctor. While there, Duckman detoxes from his various addictions.

“Inherit the Judgement: The Dope’s Trial”– In search of a free clock radio, Duckman takes the family across five states through the desert. On their trek they wind up in the small town of Coopville, where everyone is related, King Chicken is the sheriff, and Duckman is put on trial for heresy.

“America the Beautiful”– In an episode “not recommended for small children or certain Congressmen from the South” that’s “full of heavy-handed and over-obvious allegory” (according to the beginning disclaimer), a multi-ethnic group of children hire Duckman and Cornfed to find their idol, a gorgeous model named America. The investigation involves speaking to four of her ex-boyfriends, men who represent American life in the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s, while Duckman falls deeper in love with the idea of her.

“The Germ Turns”– At a new age fair, Duckman gets a visits from his dead mother (voiced by Katey Sagal)–reincarnated as a highly infectious germ because of how terrible of a mother she was. Hoping to escape the same fate, Duckman begins smothering his sons with affection, much to their chagrin.

“In the Nam of the Father”– The son Cornfed never knew he had arrives at the office and Cornfed travels back to Vietnam to find the mother and the truth. Duckman takes his family along on the trip for a much needed vacation and must also deal with the flashbacks he is experiencing.

“Research and Destroy”– When Ajax shows a natural talent for poetry, Duckman gets him to sign a contract for a greeting card company in search of a new writer.

“Clip Job”– Henry Melfly (voiced by Ben Stiller) kidnaps Duckman; blaming him for the decline in moral, family-friendly shows, resulting in a clip show as he argues his point.

Season 3:

“Noir Gang”– In a black-and-white, film noir-style episode, Cornfed and Duckman fall for the same woman — femme fatale client Tamara LaBoinque (voiced by Bebe Neuwirth) — raising conflicting feelings in Cornfed.

“Forbidden Fruit”– The family hires a French live-in tutor (King Chicken in disguise) to help the children with their study skills and social development, who sues Duckman for sexual harassment after he gives her an apple, which, according to Judeo-Christian ideology, is considered sexual as the apple is the forbidden fruit Eve ate and tempted Adam with. Ostracized by the public, Duckman is forced to hide out with Fluffy and Uranus while a feminist group begins forcing pro-female political correctness on the town.

“Grandma-ma’s Flatulent Adventure”– When the family fears they can no longer care for Grandma-ma, they decide to place her in a retirement home. Unfortunately, Duckman loses her while dropping her off, sending her on a wild adventure, which ultimately kills her.

“Color of Naught”– Tony Sterling (self-made millionaire and entrepreneur) and his assistant/supermodel Angela (the 911 operator from “About Face”) begins advertising “Beautex”, a beautifying cream to the city and its denizens. In truth, however, Sterling is King Chicken and Beautex (which doesn’t work on Duckman) is a virus which eventually devolves everything it touches.

“Sperms of Endearment”– After caring for a small girl (that calls her “mom”) in the park, Bernice decides it’s time to have children of her own. Her hunt for a father doesn’t go well, however, so she settles on artificial insemination— with sperm that turns out to be from Duckman.

“A Room with a Bellevue”– After an incredibly bad day, Duckman simply wants to make it to Charles and Mambo’s birthday dinner, but gets pushed too far by a dry cleaner. His ranting in the street (without wearing a starched collar) gets him arrested and committed to a state mental hospital for thirty days, where he settles into the routine and decides to stay, forcing Cornfed to break him out.

“Apocalypse Not”– While everyone in the city goes underground for a disaster preparedness drill, an oblivious Duckman thinks he’s the last man alive and wreaks havoc — until he finds a beautiful, deaf gymnast and falls for her. The trapped city folk, meanwhile, begin to turn on each other during their attempted escape back to the surface.

“Clear and Presidente Danger”– Duckman scams a vacation to a South American country, where a passionate Duckman rant about pay toilets leads to a people’s revolution and has him installed as dictator. After his first hundred days he’s just as corrupt a leader as the government he replaced, and it’s up to Cornfed to lead another revolution to bring him down.

“The Girls of Route Canal”– Charles and Mambo ask Duckman to tell them how he won over their mother to help build their confidence in approaching their dreamgirls. The story he tells turns out to be a spoof of The Bridges of Madison County.

“The Mallardian Candidate”– Iggy Catalpa hires Duckman to investigate a conspiracy: every time he does his laundry he loses one sock. However, the case is actually a ruse to kidnap Duckman and turn him on Cornfed by Catalpa’s World Domination League.

“Pig Amok”– Because of a previously unknown genetic problem, Cornfed has 24 hours to lose his virginity or he will die. After he fails to connect with multiple women (thanks to Duckman’s sleazy pick-up lines), Bernice has sex with him to save his life, but Cornfed thinks Bernice is in love with him.

“The Once and Future Duck”– Ajax accidentally opens a rift in the time/space continuum with his clock radio, bringing various future versions of Duckman to the past to see him, all different depending on different decisions he can make, causing him to fall into a paranoid spiral.

“The One with Lisa Kudrow in a Small Role” “Planet of the Dopes”– Feeling unappreciated by his family, Ajax leaves the house for a walk and is abducted by two redneck aliens from the planet Betamax. On Betamax, Ajax is treated like a genius and worshiped as a deity, while on Earth, Duckman realizes he knows nothing about his son ��� or any of his family.

“Aged Heat”– After his family mocks his detective skills, they refuse to take him seriously when he accuses Grandma-ma of acting suspiciously, though she has, in fact, been replaced by Agnes DelRooney (voiced by Brian Doyle-Murray), a robber who looks just like her.

“They Craved Duckman’s Brain!”– Duckman is cast in a hospital educational film. After being left in an active MRI chamber for hours, a mutant part of his brain grows an isotope that can cure cancer, which everyone wants.

“The Road to Dendron”– In a parody of the Bing Crosby/Bob Hope “Road to…”films, Duckman and Cornfed chaperon Ajax’s class trip to the Dendron in Sudan, where Ajax is kidnapped and held hostage by a Sultan, his Fakir, and a beautiful princess.

“Exile in Guyville”– In a distant future, a mother’s (voiced by former Fridays cast member Maryedith Burrell) bed-time story for her son involves Duckman and Bernice leading a nationwide division of the sexes after Bernice lambastes Duckman for developing raunchy lingerie with no thought to what a real woman would want to wear.

“The Longest Weekend”– Fed up with the shabby treatment of local government, Duckman and his North Phlegm neighbors form a block association to take on the nearby Dutch Elm Street block association–which has been lobbying the Mayor’s office–eventually leading to all out war.

“The Amazing Colossal Duckman”– Duckman contracts a very rare blood condition through a unique combination of chemicals which causes his blood to literally boil and his body to grow several inches every time he gets angry. After exploiting his new stature for a while, he realizes he is unable to control himself and exiles himself to a secluded island.

“Cock Tales for Four”– Duckman and Bernice attend a dinner party to meet Ajax’s new girlfriend Tammy’s parents, King Chicken and drunken wife Honey. Over the course of the evening their relationships change in unexpected ways.

Season 4:

“Dammit, Hollywood”– After seeing a bad movie Duckman sneaks into the studio head’s office to get his $7 back. The studio head, however, makes him an executive to sabotage the studio.

“Coolio Runnings”– Duckman adopts rap star Coolio (voicing himself) as his son to compete in the local father/son games over Ajax, hurting Ajax’s feelings.

“Aged Heat 2: Women in Heat”– Duckman is arrested for killing Fluffy and Uranus again and accidentally sent to a woman’s prison. There he becomes the star attraction of an illegal dance ring, until another girl arrives and bumps him from his slot.

“All About Elliott”– Duckman and Cornfed hire the college-aged Elliott (voiced by Chris Elliott) to be their office intern. Immediately he warms himself to Duckman by feeding his destructive side and pushing Cornfed away by sabotaging his personal life and commitments.

“From Brad to Worse”– Duckman is reunited with a man he made homeless 20 years ago and decides to try to help him get back on his feet.

“Bonfire of the Panties”– Cornfed, Charles and Mambo create an aphrodisiac to revive Duckman’s waning love life. When he forgets to wear it, Courtney Thorne-Smith(voicing herself) falls for him, but the family isn’t sure what to believe.

“Role With It”– Duckman, his family and staff, vacation together at an Indian casino, during which they’re approached by a psychiatrist who offers them treatment involving roleplaying to prevent them from what she sees as inevitable violent self-destruction and uncovers real issues among them.

“Ajax and Ajaxer”– While investigating a laboratory, Cornfed accidentally ingests a “Get Dumb” potion, which lowers his IQ to the point that he becomes best friends with Ajax, who is feeling left out of his family again.

“With Friends Like These”– After convincing himself again that he’s having a surprise party only to come home to just Cornfed, Duckman realizes he has no friends. Vowing to use his clean slate and try again to be the “best friend possible” he stumbles upon a group of culturally diverse, laugh tracked, 20-somethings at a coffee shop who immediately take a shine to him.

“A Trophied Duck”– Duckman drags the family to Dickcon ’97 in San Francisco to see him get an award. Unbeknownst to him, he’s actually being set up by Lauren Simone, a rival from his days at “Don Galloway’s Famous Detective School”.

“A Star is Abhorred”– During a night out, Bernice becomes an angry female music starafter yelling at Duckman for insulting her singing at a karaoke. Her life begins to go downhill, however, when she and the family go on tour and she gets sucked into the rock & roll life style.

“Bev Takes a Holiday”– Continuing from the previous episode, Bernice travels to Washington, D.C.to assume her new role as Congresswoman. Meanwhile, Beverly—long lost triplet of Beatrice and Bernice—hires a detective to find her family and seeks them out. Duckman spots her spying on him and, mistaking her for Beatrice, runs to her, only to be struck by a bus. In the hospital, Bev must pretend to be Beatrice for Duckman’s sake when he wakes and mistakes her for same.

“Love! Anger! Kvetching!” “Ain’t Gonna Be No Mo No Mo”– On the night of a big poker game Duckman has planned with Joe Walsh, Bob Guccionne and others, his Uncle Mo arrives and claims to be dying from heart cancer.

“Duckman and Cornfed in ‘Haunted Society Plumbers'”– In an episode with hints of Marx Brothers, Three Stooges, and Martin and Lewis classics, Duckman and Cornfed—temporarily plumbers—are hired as at a high-society party celebrating the unveiling of a “cursed” jewel: “The Sharon Stone”. Before the ceremony, though, the stone goes missing.

“Ebony, Baby”– Cornfed goes on vacation—his first in 11 years—Duckman works as the sidekick to a black female private investigator Ebony Sable (voiced by Tisha Campbell) who gets him involved in a world of murder, power, lust and blaxploitation clichés.

“Vuuck, as in Duck”– Duckman inherits a AAA baseball team as the last minute action of owner Gene Vuuck—who overhears him bemoaning the current status of the game and decides he’s a “real fan”—who is trying to keep the team out of the hands of a banker. Unfortunately, the team has no following and is losing money rapidly so he replaces the whole team with supermodels.

“Crime, Punishment, War, Peace, and the Idiot”– Beverly asks Bernice if she knows anything about Grandma-ma’s life, prompting Grandma-ma to begin a series of flashbacks of her life, with the main cast filling in for past friends, acquaintances and lovers.

“Kidney, Popsicle, and Nuts”– Duckman is in need of a kidney transplant from a blood relative, but the children are out for various reasons (Ajax doesn’t have any, Charles and Mambo share one) so he turns to his cryogenically frozen father whom, it turns out, wasn’t his father at all. He tracks down his real father (voiced by Brian Keith), a paranoiac in the sticks with his “own country,” and while he’s staying with him a standoff with the government develops.

“The Tami Show”– Duckman backs his car into Tami, a cute girl who claims her family died in a sleighing accident leaving her on her own. The family invites her to stay with them and she quickly begins incapacitating Bev and taking over the family.

“My Feral Lady”– A depressed Duckman purchases a mail-order bride, but upon delivery finds her to be a feral jungle savage. With Cornfed’s help, Duckman attempts to turn her (Kathy Lee) into a proper lady he can marry.

“Westward, No!”– While the boys are visiting Beatrice in D.C., Cornfed invites Beverly to a catfish ranch in Louisiana owned by his Aunt Jane (voiced by Estelle Getty), and a jealous Duckman tags along. After getting the ranch hands fired, Duckman and the gang must help the foreman, Big Jack McBastard (voiced by Jim Cummings), drive the 2,000 head of catfish to Texas.

“Short, Plush and Deadly”– During a taxpayer financed dream vacation Duckman, Cornfed, Fluffy and Uranus are kicked out of camp, stung by bees, and lost. The bee stings paralyze Cornfed and cause his head to swell, but turn turning Fluffy and Uranus into large, homicidal monsters. It’s up to Beatrice and Beverly to find and save them.

“How to Suck in Business Without Really Trying”– Duckman sells his last name to the VarieCom corporation for $1,000, which he immediately wastes, leaving him penniless and jobless.

“You’ve Come a Wrong Way, Baby”– After catching Mambo with a cigarette in his mouth, Bernice challenges the tobacco industry on the floor of Congress. During testimony she’s invited to a tobacco plantation by Walt Evergreen (voiced by Jim Varney)—president of an unnamed tobacco company—which doesn’t go well for the family.

“Hamlet 2: This Time It’s Personal”– Duckman sees the ghost of his Uncle Mo, who says that Duckman’s father was murdered by King Chicken and Duckman should take revenge. To do so he decides to act crazy to get King Chicken—with whom he has formed a truce to allow King Chicken time around Bernice—to admit his guilt so he can kill him with impunity. Cornfed realizes that Duckman is living out the plot of Hamlet, which will eventually lead to his death.

“Das Sub” “Class Warfare”– Convicted of fraud, Duckman is sentenced to 5,000 hours of community service, but accidentally finds himself substituting for a teacher he injures and teaching a group of intellectual high schoolers how to be “street smart”.

“Where No Duckman Has Gone Before”– A Star Trek parody where Captain Duckman (as Captain Kirk) does battle against King Khan Chicken in an episode similar to “Arena” among others.

“Four Weddings Inconceivable”– At the wedding of Dr. Stein, a series of emotional epiphanies lead to an amazing set of marriage proposals: King Chicken proposes to Bernice; Cornfed proposes to Beverly; Duckman proposes to Honey, King Chicken’s ex. After arguments between the principles, Duckman volunteers to make the arrangements for the triple wedding, purposely putting any blame on himself. Despite his arrangements, the ceremony goes off without a hitch — until Duckman’s supposedly deceased wife, Beatrice, returns.

DVD review: “Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man” (1994 – 1997) “Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man” (1994 - 1997) Television 70 Episodes Created by: Everett Peck Featuring: Jason Alexander, Gregg Berger, Nancy Travis, Dana Hill, Pat Musick, E.G.