#jareth wins

[notmuchtoconceal]

"you melt a little when you see my big goofy scary dog teeth smilin back from my big broad furry face, you don't know what to fuckin do."

I love that you perfectly understand one of the most alluring physical attributes about yourself. This sentence right here. You KNOW what you were aiming for, you KNOW what you look like, and you KNOW that you're executing it exactly how you want to execute it. You came here to brainwash, and brainwash you will.

Oh my fucking god, bro. You're 100% correct with that, down to the animalistic connotation. You absolutely make me melt with that. You hit the nail on the head. Aces.

I wanted to add to this by saying there is a unique thing you do with your facial expressions that I've seen in nobody else. I've seen some others come close, but not like you. How to describe it?

So you know how most people, when they make an expression, you can see the thought behind the expression? And if they're trying to deceive you, the thought and the expression don't match up. Well, with you, there's a whole 'nother layer. Best I can describe is that it's the thought behind the thought behind the expression. I think it has something to do with your value of souls. It's not the same thing as when someone's soul shines through. It's more like an expression that only a Licensed Soul Appraiser can make.

It's not judgmental. It's not manipulative. It's not self-reflective. It's not egomaniacal. It's not predatory. It's not empathetic. But it does have elements of all those attributes. It IS, without a doubt, highly metaphysical. I can only use adjectives to describe it, and almost solely in a deductive relationship with it, because it's not seen before, and therefore can't be referenced elsewhere.

My point is: you are extremely attractive. Physical you, not just the wordsmith. And I'm glad to know you're aware of your own hotness and have control over what makes you hot. It's like Museum Bro's perfect skin. You think that motherfucker can't see your soul perfectly with a skin routine like that? You're kidding yourself if you think he can't.

I love how much you love being brainwashed by me.

I love how the more you speak, the more you express the sheer depthless appetite of your lust for me, the sheer investment in my aura, my potential and love of mankind which you see radiating from my work.

I would give you everything, should you only surrender all you are to me. You are now Underaged Jennifer Connoly, not being a bad actress on purpose, but being a good actress playing an amateur actress in a teenage girl's plushie-hump coming of age awakening. I will be Your Goblin King. I will only make you weaker and long more to surrender. You will be lost in my maze, succumb to my traps, stumble facefirst into flat panes of forced perspective and give yourself willingly to my stench.

When the bell tolls, you will belong to me forever.

You remind me of the babe not, for you are her.

You are all I long for, all I worship and deplore.

May our Magic Dance never Draw to a Close.

With you, I am my Best, For you Bring Out My Worst.

My Toxic King.

My Queen I Don't Want.

athleticbrutality ain't shit.

You're one of the worst people I've ever had the displeasure to meet.

I can't get enough of you.

You are so stupid, you are definitely fit to be my number #3.

[whowouldwininafite]

[annyankers]

The way i kinda wanna do a magic spuffy baby or whatever but i kinda wanna just skip to like, them with a toddler trying to manage a disastrous work-slay-parent-life balance.

And the one time dawn babysits alone it just turns into the labyrinth.

[blocky-tides]

say if i write an labyrinth fanfic in the year 2025 could someone beta it

[fleetstreetpies]

every day is the ides of march if you hate julius caesar and you’re not a coward

[fleetstreetpies]

Yeah I could fuck him up

Go here:

Generate 1 Pokémon, doesn’t matter if you know anything about Pokémon or not

Based on looks + whatever knowledge you have about it, COULD YOU TAKE THIS POKÉMON IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT?

[chriszgetstitchz]

Could I have an x reader with what it would be like to be queen or if you stayed with the goblin king

oh, you have awoken the beast

Aka me

This is how I imagine life with Jareth would be like if you had decided to stay and become his queen

Jareth likes things to be dramatic. He loves it when things are magnificent, glorious, almost theatrical in a certain sense. So there isn't a single double in my mind that he'd want his wedding to be that, but TENFOLD. I'm talking gigantic wedding dress; ginormous, almost comically large ten tier wedding cake; every single inch of the castle is decorated; the ballroom is huge enough to fit the ENTIRE labyrinth inside of it, you get it. Jareth is absolutely not cutting corners for the wedding and he wants everything, absolutely everything to be perfect. If anybody so much as even breathes too loudly during the vows, they're about to get real familiar with the Bog of Eternal Stench..

Congratulations, fair maiden, for you are now the queen! But what now..?

To any outsider looking in, Jareth is just about as cuddly as a cactus.

They are correct. Kind of..

Jareth does love you, that is why he wanted you to be his queen of course, but he is a "grand gestures of affection" kind of guy more than a "small acts of service" kind of guy.

That being said, that doesn't mean that King Jareth isn't chivalrous to you, you are his queen of course, but he prefers to save the more intimate displays of love for when you two are in private. This man will throw the two of you a big ball for your anniversary but will look at you funny if you talk to him about using petnames outside of "my love" or "my darling" in front of others. The only time he’s willing to show physical affection to you in public is when he's showing you off to the goblins. The reason why Jareth does this isn't because he doesn't think you're worthy or that he's ashamed of you. It's because he thinks that quite frankly, his love for his wife is nobody else's business.

As I said, Jareth only does PDA when he feels like showing you off to everyone. And boy does he love to show off his beautiful wife. Since your throne is obviously right next to his, when he's partying up in the throne room, let's use playing a card game for example, he likes to have you sitting on your throne so that he can grab you and kiss you whenever he wins and everybody cheers when this happens (I kinda got that idea after watching Beowulf.. 💀)

Would Jareth ever admit to you that he has a soft spot for you? Maybe privately. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love fucking with you just as he does everybody else. But his fucking with you is just petty stuff like controlling your dreams, setting back the time by an hour, and appearing and disappearing in front of you at random rather than torturing you in the labyrinth.

Speaking of the labyrinth, EVENING STROLLS THROUGH THE LABYRINTH WITH JARETH?? Sign me up now. Those are one of the times where he's actually willing to kiss you, call you personal petnames, or have actually deep conversations with him. Or if he's feeling particularly romantic, he'll slowdance with you through the labyrinth. He'll take in every detail of you, he'll smile at you when you lock eyes with him, he'll tell you how much he loves you and how happy he is to have you as his queen.

If any of the townspeople or the king's court disrespects you, it's straight to the bog. Nobody disrespects JARETH'S queen and lives to tell the tale. You are too precious for him to allow that to happen. One time you were yelled at by a castle staff member for "sitting immodestly" and Jareth was immediately on them like white on rice. There are certain things that he just simply cannot stand for, and being rude to you is definitely one of them.

Jareth makes a big stink about wanting you to respect/obey him, but what he doesn't tell you is that you have him completely wrapped around your finger (even though you've pretty much figured it out for yourself at this point, lmfao)

I said earlier that he doesn't do PDA except for this this and that, but sometimes he breaks his own rules. A little peck on the cheek or a hug every once in a while never hurt anyone! And he also won't go out of his way to push you away if you were the one to initiate it.

If you are the opposite of him, he'll be incredibly intrigued by you. It may even be the very thing that caught his attention the day he first laid eyes on you. Kindness and hospitality is a near foreign concept in the Goblin Kingdom, so everyone would be astounded to see that the woman who married who could possibly be the meanest king in goblin history (aka Jareth), is actually an incredibly kind and compassionate girl. Whether he likes to admit it or not, you have at least somewhat inspired your husband to be more sympathetic and he both loves and and hates the amount of power you (seemingly) unknowingly have over him.

(Also he used his magic to make you immortal and give you powers as well so now you can be immortal magical motherfuckers for the rest of time together how fun is thattttttt!!!)

A/N: I'm sorry I know this is bad but a combination of 2 months writers block + just getting into the fandom and being 90% asleep writing this at 5 am will do that to you, lmao

divider creds go to @anitalenia

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

tags: @illiana-mystery, @iobsessoverfictionalmen

warnings: swearing

AN: Happy Valentine's Day! The annual Jareth fic is here!

The goblins bowed as I walked by, scattering as I made my way to the throne room. There was babbling and laughter coming from the room. Jareth looked up at me as I walked in, a big smile on his face as he looked away from his son.

"So that's where you two got up to." I teased as I walked over. Jareth handed me Tobey before pulling me into his lap. I laughed as he wrapped his arms around the two of us. "Jareth!"

"Oh come come now." He teased as he pulled me in for a kiss. Tobey made a noise and Jareth leaned past me to kiss his head. "And one for you too." He whispered, running his knuckle over Tobey's cheek. Tobey babbled as he tried to grab Jareth's finger. "What have you been up to today?" He asked, smiling at Tobey babbled happily.

"Nothing much." I shrugged. "I went out to visit Sir Didamus. It appears that a few of the goblins have been venturing out beyond the bog. Something about a babe." Jareth looked at me worried.

"A babe?" He asked. I nodded. "Banished? Or abandoned?"

"The goblins say banished. But no one has come to claim her." I said, brushing my hand over Tobey's hair. "Not much older than Tobey." Jareth looked at the baby in my lap. "Oh I know that look. Don't give me that look." I said, laughing as Jareth turned his gaze to me. "We are not taking on another one."

"Why not?" He asked. "You and I both know Tobey would be dead if we hadn't gone to get him. And so will this little one."

"Jareth..." I started.

"Darling, I promise. It will not be a burden." He squeezed my side gently. One of the goblins came by to take Tobey from me. I sighed as I handed him over. "If we have to, I will take her back to her world. I promise. Make sure she goes to someone who will cherish her."

"You said that about Tobey." I laughed as he took my hand, urging me to lead him where the goblins had hidden the baby. "And look where he is." Jareth flushed red as he looked at me.

"Can you blame me though?" He asked. I playfully rolled my eyes.

"I do admit...you fill the role of father very well." I said, squeezing his hand. Jareth smiled at me as we moved through the castle. “It’s just on the outskirts of the city.” I said as the goblins opened the door for us. “Hoggle came to take care of her while I came to get you.” Turning the corner, I nodded to hoggle as he brought the baby over.

“thank you hoggle.” Jareth said as he took the child. “So what are we going to do?” I sighed as I looked at him.

“go on then. Name her.” I waved at him. “I know I won’t win that argument so go on then.” Jareth leaned over and kissed me.

“thank you.” He whispered. I cupped his cheek as he smiled at me. “Let’s take her to meet her brother.” I nodded as I looped my arm through his as we headed back to the castle.

[hunniiibunniii333]

Jealousy pt 2

Part 1 | Part 2

Summary: After Sarah bests Jareth in his own game, he returns to his wife, who is still upset from their argument. Jareth decides to show you just how sorry he truly is.

Word count: 2,463 words

Warnings: Smut with slight plot, make up sex, oral (fem receiving), eye contact, light smacking, gentle dom Jareth, it gets a little sappy at the end, unedited!!

A/N: Sorry that this too longer to get out than expected! I've been busy with work and other things as well. Anyways, I might make a prequel series to this idea, it's just been itching my brain for a while now..

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Jareth swiftly walked down the twisting halls of his castle, his fist clenched and a scowl on his face. Sarah had beaten him at his own game, trekking her way through the Labryinth, to The Goblin City and his castle. She had seen past his enchanting words, and won in the end, taking with her her baby brother and Jareth's dignity. No one, and he meant no one, has even made it through, with or without help. 

He was absolutely humiliated. Not only because Sarah had outsmarted him, but because his own subjects helped her get away with it. He would have punished all of them the moment she left.. If it wasn't go the fact he had other matter to attend to. Like the earlier fight he had with his wife. 

As cowardly as it sounded, if he could just pretend like nothing happened and go back to normal, he would.. But that look on your face before you vanished was seared in his very retinas. The mix of anger and tears whirling in those lovely eyes flashing in his mind, haunting his very thoughts. He would half blame you for Sarah winning, throwing him off his game, if it weren't for the fact it was a lie. A lie his pride and ego couldn't even convince him was true.

Stopping in front of the grand oak door, he looked at the ornate carvings, knowing what awaited him on the other side. He had checked his crystal ball three times, each time only making him feel stranger than before. When he peered into the shimmering orb, he would find you sitting on the ledge of your bedroom window, looking out at the winding maze surrounding the dingy Goblin City. Your eyes were still teary, underneath them dark and reddened. He hated seeing you that way, even if his pride told him he did nothing wrong, that you were just being dramatic.  

He steeled himself, opening the heavy ornate door.

Jareth found you exactly where he knew you would be, sitting on the stone seal of the glassless window, looking out at the lifeless lands of the Underground. He had expected it, he had seen it before in the depts of his crystal.. But even the sight of your back facing him, not seeing your face.. It made his walls only grow, defensive.

"Must you pout?" Jareth asked, knowing how it sounded but making no effort to correct himself. 

You didn't answer, just stayed looking out at the maze. A lone crow sat on your lap, trying it's best to comfort in your turmoil. You stroked it's small head, it closing it's beady eyes and leaning into your gently touch.

Jareth tilted his head at you at your silence, leaning against the door frame "I know you heard me, my love.." 

Still, you said nothing, your fingers drifting from the bird to your arms to pick at the silky black feathers that had started growing there. It was a sign of your distress, your curse acting up.

"(Y/n). Don't ignore me. You're acting like a child." Jareth huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

You rolled your eyes, keeping your eyes on the horizon stubbornly.

"Really? And here I thought you liked children." You hissed out, eyes narrowing at the horizon. It was unfair, you knew that. But you didn't seem to care.

Jareth felt a surge of frustration at that comment, scoffing. He was starting to get sick and tired of such accusations. You knew him better than that. He shut the grand door behind him, walking over to you, his darling wife. Jareth looked at you with those keen eyes. You knew he was behind you. You could here his footsteps and felt his haunting presence. 

"Just go. I would like to be alone. Like I always am."

For whatever reason, those last four words struck him right in the heart, making him take a small step back. Guilt- Regret was not a feeling he was familiar with, or one he can even accept he feels. He was the Goblin King, for heavens sake! Such feelings were foreign to a man like him.

And yet.. Seeing you sitting there, utterly defeated.. He's never seen you in such a state..

His gaze drifted from the back of your head to your shoulders and arms, stilling at the sight of the silky black feathers littering your smooth skin. Your curse. The curse his own father had inflicted onto you.. 

Gently, Jareth reached out, brushing his slender fingers along the feathers dusting your shoulders, "...darling.. your feathers.." He murmured under his breath before his eyes flicked back to the back of you head. He tsked softly when you still didn't respond, "(Y/n).. My love. Please don't pretend like I am not trying to speak to you." He said, gently cupping your jaw as he sat next to you.

You met his pleading expression with a glare, shooing away his hand, "Must you insist on irritating me further?" You scoffed, scooting away from him until your side pressed against cold stone.

"If that's what it takes for you to speak to me, then yes." He quipped playfully. You weren't all too enthused though. he sighed dramatically at that, "By the stars above! What must I do to show you that I am sorry?" The words felt almost bitter on his tongue, making a shudder run through his very soul. He never apologized. Not once in his immortal life.

Once again, you did not answer. You simply sat there, sulking, making Jareth groan, his head falling to press his forehead to your shoulder. "What must I do to prove myself to you.." he murmured, pressing his lips to your shoulder, mouthing his way along the blade towards your neck, "...perhaps I need to remind you of how much I truly adore you?"

The purr made heat go down your spine and settle between your thighs. Damn him! He knew how to play you like a fiddle- Knew your body and mind like the back of his hand; Knowing exactly what made you tick.

His hands slide to your waist, rubbing slowly, sliding forward to feel at your squishy tummy. He kneaded the soft flesh, feeling you up through the light fabric of your gown.

"Jareth-" You tried to resist as he nipped at your neck, licking a hot stripe up to your ear. A shudder than through you, your head unconsciously tilting to the side for him. He took that as a go ahead, sucking a mark just under your pointed ear.

"Shh.. Don't speak, darling.. Let me make it up to you.." He purred against your ear, nibbling at the tip. He then leaned back, only to grab you back your waist and pulling you against his chest. He picked you up despite yours's and the crow's protests. The bird cawed at his audacity, flapping it's wings before flying away.

"What are you- Where are you taking me?" You asked when he started to walk away from the window. You squirmed in his arms, still trying to protest despite the ache in your pussy. As much as you hated when he called you out for it, you truly were a stubborn, stubborn woman.

"Somewhere where I can kneel." Jareth said simply, making your heart flutter in your chest and shutting you up completely.

Jareth walked you swiftly to your shared four postal bed, setting you carefully down on the edge of the cushioned mattress. He kept his hands on your waist as he knelt in front of you, running down to your hips and rubbing your parted thighs almost reverently. He didn't dare look at your face, terrified you would tell him to bug off and leave. So, he just rubbed your thighs... His calloused hands drifting down your legs, over your calves towards your ankles.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, his eyes met yours's as his fingers skimmed over the hem of your gown. He had an almost meek look on his face, one you've only seen him make once before. "..Is this alright, my love?" 

A shudder ran through your entire being at the sight of him, knelt before you, asking for your explicit consent. The two you have been married for over a thousand years, and yet he still asked. It made your resolve crumble, nodding your head slowly. He tsked at that, shaking his head.

"Use your words, darling" 

"..yes, th-this is alright" You stuttered out, moving to lean back on your hands.

That was all the confirmation he needed. He pushed the skirt of your gown up and over your legs and hips, bunching it up at his waist. With a gentleness that seemed beyond him, he grabbed your leg, taking off your heels before leaning in to press a kiss to your ankle, then one on your calf, another to your thigh. Each one only built up your anticipation, looking down at him with almost pleading eyes.

"Jareth.. don't tease.."

Jareth couldn't help but grin at that, looking up at you through pale, wispy lashes.

"I would never think of doing such a thing.." He breathed out, his warm breath fanning over the inside of your thighs. His callused hands skimmed up your thighs, fingers hooking under your undergarments, pulling them down and off. He tossed them somewhere carelessly. They weren't needed anymore.

He grabbed the back of your knees to hook over his broad shoulders, the motion forcing you closer to the edge of the bed. Once you were close and open for him, he leaned in, licking a stripe up your already drooling pussy, from bottom to top. 

You gasped at the feeling of his tongue flicking your aching clit, hands going straight into his long hair. You fingers tangled in the choppy layers of his golden hair, making him grunt. Jareth loved when you would tug at his hair, guiding his mouth exactly where you needed it.

At the tugging of his hair, he gripped your thighs to spread you further, pinning your hips to the soft mattress as he pressed his entire mouth to your core. He thrusted his tongue in and out of your hot channel, lapping at your sweet tangy essence. When he pressed himself close, the bridge of his strong nose pressed against you aching clit, making you gasp.

Your hips ground up against his mouth and nose, practically humping his face at this point. You just couldn't help it- Not when he was making you feel so so good. Your eyes screwed closed, head tilting back as your enjoyed the sensation he was giving you, enjoying the wet, lewd sounds of him slurping and licking at your cunt.

Jareth noticed your head tilt back, your eyes screwed closed, making him lean back slight. he delivered a sharp smack to your thigh, making your body jolt.

"Look at me, or I'll stop." He said simply, waiting for you to look at him again. Even when he was trying to make it up to you, it had to be done his way. 

"You're.. Such an ass-" You panted out, looking down at him again to see him grinning a sharp, toothing grin between your plush thighs. The sight made you gulp, your cunt clenching around nothing.

"Uh uh, don't use such vulgar language when addressing your king," He chuckled, leaning in to press a simple kiss to your clit, making your hips buck against his face, "And either way.. You love it don't you?"

You opened your mouth to say something snarky back- Only for him to move his mouth to your needy hole again, his pink muscle delving into you. His hand wrapped around your thigh to press his thumb to your clit.

You moaned, wanting so badly to close your eyes and just enjoy the feeling of him pleasuring you- but you knew better- keeping your eyes on him as he licked and sucked the soul out of you. He knew just the right buttons to push you over the edge, and you were already almost there.

"Oh stars- Jareth- ohhh.. Baby- Darling, I-I'm gonna-" You bit your bottom lip to stop your babbling, knowing he didn't need a warning. he could already tell, your cunt clenching and fluttering around his tongue, hips pushing off the bed, thighs trembling on his shoulders... He truly knew you, inside and out.

He said nothing in response. Jareth simply kept his rythm, relishing in your whines and whimpers, your breath catching in your throat. It only took a few more skillful thrusts of his clever tongue, and you were keening his name, thighs pressing tightly against his head. It made it hard for him to breath, but oh what a way to go.

He helped you ride out your high, continuing to licking as he drank every drop of your pleasure. Only when your thighs laxed, releasing him from your hold, did he slow his movement, lapping gently at your still fluttering hole, nothing fully stopping until you slumped back against the bed.

Once he finally leaned away, he stroked your hips, caressing the dips there, as he waited for you to come back to your senses.

Slowly, you opened your eyes again, sitting up on your elbows to look at your husband. His pupils were blow out, face flushed and lips and chin glistening with your arousal. You would have been almost embarrassed if it weren't for the way he was looking at you. Like you were the only thing in the entire world right now.

"My love.." He murmured before leaning in and slanting his mouth against your's. You moaned against his lips, arms wrapping around his slim waist to pull him over you. 

"mm.. jareth.." You breathed out, one of your hands trailing down to cup him erection through his trousers. He immediately pulled away, brows furrowed. "I.. Jareth?" You questioned, confused by the reaction.

"Not.. Not today, love.." He murmured, gently grabbing your hand and intertwining your fingers together, "This was about you. Your pleasure, not mine." His thumb rubbed against the back of your hand, looking at your bare ring finger. 

Slowly, he looked up at you, "..i'm sorry i hurt you." The words were foreign, but his eyes were earnest, genuine.

"..I forgive you." You replied, "And I want you.. All of your, Jareth.. please.."  

He hesitated, but nodded, leaning in for another kiss,

"Then you shall have me." He said, slipping your wedding band back on your finger, where it belonged.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

[fearful-quartet]

I'm tempted to say you're right, HOWEVER, this was an early scenario, as you said, and therefore was not in the movie and is also not even considered canon!! That would be like pointing to their original desire to cast Michael Jackson as an example of Jareth having a different design!

The original "Um, Actually" prompt was discussing the movie and no other Labyrinth related media, therefore that is the only thing to be referenced directly unless stated otherwise.

This is fun do you wanna be friends now

This is solely because it will bug me until the end of time if I don't say it.

In season 1, episode 2 of "Um, Actually" on Dropout, there is an incorrect statement and I must correct it.

Um, actually, in Labyrinth Jareth the goblin king did NOT take Toby from Sarah with the express intent to turn him into the next king, that was later added within hints in the novelization and through the (not so well written) manga series, as in the movie he intended to just turn Toby into a goblin until he starts bonding with Toby, but it is never said he will become the next goblin king.

Anyways, carry on.

@dropoutdottv

[gaywatch]

What are some ships/pairings/otps that have buried themselves so deep in your heart that you won’t ever be able to be anything but absolutely insane about them?

Like they are either constantly on your mind and you can’t shake them or you don’t think about them as often but when you do (or something reminds you of them) it’s like a punch to the gut and all the feelings come rushing back to you at once in an overwhelming way… I’m so curious because you obviously watch so many things and see a lot of connections between characters so I’m just wondering which ones have dug their claws in just a little too deep?

Okay, first of all, this is a banger question and a banger way to phrase it so good on you. <3

Any of the first five ships I ever had can make me feral at a moment's notice, and I could write an essay about any of them with zero prep time. My peak shipping period for all of them was high school and college, when my obsessive capacity was... particularly impressive. I made fanvids for four out of five (in one case I made 10+), fake trailers for a couple, and at least began writing a fanfic for four out of five of these as well:

Phantom/Christine (Phantom of the Opera)

David/Maddie (Moonlighting)

Jack/Elizabeth (Pirates of the Carribean)

House/Cameron (House MD)

Jareth/Sarah (Labyrinth)

This list alone tells you a lot about me, tbh.

Every single one of these come with the warning that you should never bring them up to me unless you're prepared for a highly intense and opinionated lecture.

And it's always difficult to compete with the formative stuff, right? They hit you hard at a hard-hitting age, that's a lot to surpass.

WELL.

I got into queer ships when I was 22, just out of college but still in the vital Young Adult stage, and long story short the rest of my life is quite literally all Star Trek 2009's fault. I saw the movie and (hilariously) got enough of a Kirk/Spock vibe that I wondered if anyone and the WiLd AnD cRaZy IdEa that they should be together or maybe that was just me and this was a Brand New Idea.

That gives you a good idea of how ignorant of queer fandom I was.

Anyway, fifteen-going-on-sixteen years later I'm drowning in queer ships but these ten in particular have some kind of cryptic Lovecraftian hold on my being despite the fact that as I've gotten older my appreciation for the fictional gays has grown wider, meaning it's usually less concentrated. So instead of having a list a mile long to answer your question, it still ultimately boils down to a top ten (in no order, don't do that to me):

Kirk/Spock (Star Trek: TOS)

Eliot/Quentin (The Magicians)

Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian (The Untamed)

Kang Yohan/Kim Gaon (The Devil Judge)

Thor/Loki (MCU)

Holmes/Watson (Sherlock Holmes, Guy Ritchie films)

Lestat/Louis (Interview with the Vampire)

Shiro/Keith (Voltron)

[redacted] (redacted)*

Arthur/Merlin (Merlin)

Nowadays the big indicator that I don't just love a ship, I love a ship, is if I'm so compelled that I feel the urge to Make Something (huge mega ADHD bonus points if I actually do it), usually a fanvid or a fic. And that holds true for...yeah, 9/10 of these.

Every now and then I'll remember one of these and feel that obsessive urge to think about nothing else for like a month and fully re-immerse. But Gaywatch, writing, and DMing for my D&D group make that really difficult. They're always there, though, and if I can ever think of way to shove them into Gaywatch for the excuse to obsess I totally do. (Merlin, for example, came in a really strong second for a Patreon poll last year but didn't win. And I was like 'fuck it this is my house and I'll watch Merlin after the winner' because I'd been waiting actual years to watch it for the channel.)

So yeah, if any of these--even the First Five because I'm obnoxious--make it into Gaywatch content somehow, that is not an accident. (If you were looking for details about each one I'm legit not capable of that. It'd be paragraphs per ship at least and we'd never get out of here.)

*Redacted because purity culture froths at the mouth whenever this ship is so much as mentioned. If anyone ever asked me point-blank if I shipped this I'd tell the truth, but Tumblr specifically can make talking about the ship insufferable/impossible.

[most-fuckable-character-showdown]

Round 2D Matchup 3

May the most fuckable win!

[oonajaeadira]

Hi Adira!

Would you rather be an extra in an Oscar-winning movie or the lead in a box office bomb?

Hi, Kat. *cuddles*

I'll pick the box office bomb. Bombs often become cult classics and are some of my favorites. The Adventures of Baron von Munchausen. Rocky Horror. Children of Men. Shawshank.

Listen. Labyrinth was a box office bomb. And if it means I get to wear a pretty dress and stare longingly in Jareth's eyes as he leads me around a mad mad dance floor, I am totally in.

[dystini]

you already know who i'm asking for in the ask game. david/callum/marcus: go with whatever you feel is right. 🫡🫶

Be aware that I should have long since been asleep but I need to wind down first from a hilarious convo with my hubby so here I am. This might be unhinged.

Fake dating

I'm not even sure how to go about a three way fake dating.

Bodyswap

There would be much complaining. So much complaining. About Marcus' lack of hygiene and David bitching that whoever ended up in his body was treating his curls ALL WRONG. And Callum would sigh a lot and tell them both to please shut up so he can figure out how to get them back in the right bodies because "i Love you guys but obviously I'm the brains in this relationship."

Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it

Honestly, I think I need to swipe @hockeyfrogs idea of winning races as a powerful aphrodisiac, but make it being on the podium (and oh my, that has possibilities elsewhere) and by some miracle these three podium together and much smut ensues.

Dark!fic

Something with one or more of them getting injured and not handling their recovery well and the others trying to keep them from spiraling into depression.

Secret kinks

I believe you've covered these already, Jack. Mostly Marcus' but whatever.

Their first kiss

Either in the heat of passion or painfully awkward.

Meeting the parents

I'm pretty sure Marcus and Callum have already met each others parents and both have probably met David's parents so it's just introducing David to their parents and he would be so polite and adorable and they'd love him.

Moving in together

Chaos. Pure Chaos.

A crossover of my choice

Labyrinth. Callum as Jareth. Marcus as Sarah. and David as Toby except he's Marcus's boyfriend not his baby brother and Callum stole him because he wants both Marcus and David and plans to trap them in his realm.

An au of my choice

Omegaverse for this trio of omegas and I've already written it.

[dragynkeep]

listening to the goblin battle & then within you on the labyrinth soundtrack is such a jarring shift but i think it makes complete sense. we go from sarah's idealization of the very childish "final battle" in all fairytales, to something far more adult & raw in her world view.

within you is jareth laying himself & all that he is bare for sarah to see & hear just how much his dependence exists around her. as we leave behind the last inklings of childhood fantasy & come into something visceral & real, culminating in sarah's realization of her own power in her autonomy & reaching the actual "final act" of the fairy tale where the heroine wins, is the true ending of her story.

[anne-chloe]

Underground | IV |

Jareth/The Goblin King x F! Reader

Summary : You advance further into the labyrinth and have an insightful conversation with yourself

"That was incredible!"

You had just performed the hardest solo of your entire career. Throughout rehearsals, you had sobbed and cried that the vocals were too much, that you'd strain your voice. The directors had insisted that they wanted you and nobody else, that you were the very embodiment of the character.

And now, you had successfully outperformed yourself. It was closing night, and you were beginning to mourn the end. You felt teary and emotional; you greeted friends and members of the audience an hour or so after the musical had ended, exhaustion sweeping through you from the numerous late nights you had endured to perfect yourself.

"Thank you, Harry," you said with a loving smile. He wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close. You leaned your head into shoulder, casting an adoring gaze up at him. "What was your favourite part?"

Harry looked away, his eyes locking onto something at the back of the room. His lips twitched, and you were so tired that you hadn't even registered that he wasn't looking at you. Rather, at someone else.

"I couldn't say, it was all magical," he replied breathlessly.

You should have known from that moment.

You used to think back to that moment with fondness, considering you had completed one of the toughest shows of your career. It was a year that made you feel undefeated. But, directly under your nose, directly behind your back, Harry had already begun his journey of a cheat.

You shook your head softly, ridding those thoughts from your mind. You scolded yourself. You couldn't keep reflecting on what Harry had done—you needed to focus on saving him. You needed to continue onwards towards the castle.

The unicorn and the Goblin King had vanished. You were disappointed at being left alone again, being such a social butterfly pinning against you. However, you tried to not take it to heart, and instead fuelled yourself by drinking some water and continuing onwards. You could see the Goblin City just up ahead, and the castle loomed with grandeur beyond it. The sight and closeness encouraged you to push forwards, to ignore your aching feet and exhausted, weary bones.

I'm coming, Harry, you thought, trying to push away the bitterness that brewed within. What would happen once you did rescue him? He might see this rescue as you forgiving him, which you most certainly did not. You just didn't want to leave him in such a place, stripped from his life like this. Cheating on you was a horrible thing to do—if he was unhappy, you wished he'd have just told you instead of stringing you along, giving you the false sense that everything was perfectly fine.

You wanted to abandon him on your own terms. You wanted him to know and realise that he'd lost something so incredibly precious. Harry would never be able to win you back, he'd lost you the moment he looked at another woman in interest. You couldn't ever forgive him for it. You never would.

You approached two unsuspecting doors. Both beheld two knockers, each grumpy and frowning; one had the knocker looped through its ears, and the other had it hanging from its mouth. You hummed in thought, considering both doors carefully. Neither had any indications as to where they would lead, as to whether or not danger lurked behind them. You rubbed your healed arm for comfort, mind thinking back to the Goblin King and his advice.

He didn't have to tell you that the water had healing properties. He could have just mocked you and left, but instead he engaged in a conversation that left you feeling... conflicted. Maybe that was his goal, to throw you off your firm emotions to make you reconsider saving Harry. By being nice, it made out that whisking Harry away was a good thing. While it served as a lesson for Harry, you didn't agree with kidnapping people at all.

"What're ye starin' at?!"

You jumped back in horror as the knocker barked harshly at you. You blinked rapidly, holding your hands up in defence, watching in bewilderment as its eyes opened and glared at you.

"My apologies, I didn't mean to be so rude," you quickly said, feeling a strangeness about conversing with door knockers. You approached it again, curiosity taking over. "I don't suppose you know what's behind this door? Is it the one leading to the castle?"

A muffled, strained response came from the knocker on the other door. You turned to look at it, watching its metallic cheeks puffing out in an attempt to speak, but finding it tricky with a circular knocker hanging from its mouth. You hurried over, taking the knocker into your hands and slipping it from its mouth. It released a satisfied breath, appreciating your kindness.

It licked its lips, moving them freely without the weight of its knocker. "That's better," it sighed happily, and you couldn't help but giggle at its relief. You wondered how long it had been since he was forced to securely hold a knocker inside his mouth. "Much better."

"Happy to be of service," you said cheerfully. "Could you tell me what's behind these doors?" You wanted an answer to your question before proceeding. You didn't want to pick the wrong door and end up somewhere dangerous. You had stamina to run, but for how long? And what if you couldn't outrun the danger? You didn't want to risk it.

"How're we suppos'd to know?!" The other knocker snapped. You looked back at him, sensing that he was rather hostile no matter what. Perhaps he was bitter that his knocker ran painfully through his ears. It's not like you could remove it, either.

You shrugged your shoulders, though you felt a slight disappointment at this. "I just thought I'd ask—"

"What?! Speak up! Yer mumblin'!"

Well. You certainly weren't mumbling. You frowned at the rudeness of him and turned to look at the other knocker, who's knocker you held in your hand. He was much calmer, much more willing to answer your questions for the kindness you had shown.

"Which door should I take?" You asked gently, now spinning the knocker slowly in your hands. It was very heavy, and you could easily see why the knocker didn't want it in its mouth. You'd be miserable too if you had to have something like this. Perhaps this is what would become of Harry if you failed to complete the labyrinth? Would he be forced to remain as a puzzle piece forever?

"They always pick me," the knocker grumbled. You could sense the resentment behind his tone. "Always shovin' that thing back in my mouth." It licked its lips again.

"They always pick you?" You repeated back. There must be a reason for their decisions. Lots of people had come to the conclusion that this was the door to take, but what evidence did you have to say that they picked the right one? You frowned. "Did any of them succeed the labyrinth by picking you?"

If the knocker could move more than it's eyes and mouth, it would have surely shaken its head in denial. "Only one girl, but she had outside help assisting her."

Only one.

"What happened to the others?"

"Their journey ended," the knocker concluded plainly, as if the information didn't upset him. It probably didn't matter; he was merely a puzzle piece within the labyrinth. Only the knocker being returned to his mouth could hurt him.

"Your door must lead to something dangerous," you readily suggested, piecing the puzzle together aloud. "Thank you for your help."

You leaned down and rested the knocker at the bottom of the door. The knocker seemed surprised by your actions, by your lack of persistence in returning it to his mouth. But he didn't say anything. He wanted to believe that you had forgotten to give it back. Even though you saw the pain he went through with it in his mouth.

You turned to the other door, with the grumpy knocker who seemed to be brewing up the desire to shout at you again. You reached up, your fingers brushing against the knocker gently. There were a few cobwebs that had strung against his knocker, meaning that he hadn't been used in a very long time. You raised back the knocker and pounded it three rhythmic times into the door. It creaked open, and you stepped through after whispering a 'thank you'.

As you took a few steps through to the other side, you heard the door slam shut behind you. You turned to face it, frowning at the realisation that you wouldn't be able to back track if needed. You'd have to remain here, even if it turned out the be the wrong direction. You would have to face whatever danger lay in wait, regardless of escape.

You inhaled and exhaled deeply, using calming breaths to soothe your nerves. It would be of no use to remain anxious of the unknown. It would only serve to exhaust and tire you. You couldn't risk that. You needed your energy to succeed.

The door had led you into a labyrinth of mirrors. You stared at your reflection curiously, then turned to look in another mirror. You continued this action before spotting a space without your face; you began walking and following this same manner of thinking. If you couldn't see yourself, then that's the direction you'd take.

And as you walked, you grew lonely with the lack of noise. So you started to sing. A classic 80's song that reminded you of your mother on a Sunday morning, as she cleaned and gutted the house, baking delicious treats in the kitchen to last the week.

"It doesn't hurt me, do you wanna feel how it feels?"

You embodied Kate Bush. You listened as your own voice sung back to you in gentle echoes. It reassured you that nothing else was there, giving you the freedom to stretch your voice again. Walking in silence was... certainly strange.

"Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making?"

You paused, chuckling wildly to yourself as you'd almost walked directly into the mirror. You eyed yourself cautiously, feeling as though something was definitely off about the mirrors. You blinked slowly, carefully, leaning closer to the mirror, as if it's secrets would be revealed like this.

Your reflection titled it's head to the side.

You shrieked and stumbled back.

"You moved!" You shouted accusingly, pointing a shaking finger at the reflection. She snickered at your shock, a mocking smile playing on her face. She placed her hands on her hips, pouting and rolling her eyes.

"Of course I did. How else would you have figured me out?" She answered lamely, her voice sounding as an exact copy of yours. She raised her hand and twirled some hair around her finger, a strand that had fallen loose from the bun on her head.

You held your hands close to your chest, as if this action would bring you comfort. "How are you doing that? Are you a real person trapped in the mirrors?" You asked, overwhelmed by the idea. You spared a glance at the other mirrors surrounding you, now taking note of how the various reflections seemed to depict many personalities, all of them starting to do their own thing—sitting on the floor, admiring their nails, kicking invisible dirt out of boredom.

"I'm you," the reflection answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "And you're making a major mistake."

You frowned, hands lowering to your sides. "A mistake? What mistake am I making?"

The reflection sighed irritably, shaking her head and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Saving Harry," she answered, rolling her eyes as his name rolled off her tongue. She placed a steady hand over her heart, a look of hurt crossing her features. "Think about what he did to us. Doesn't he deserve to spend the rest of his life here, under the rule of our beloved Goblin King?"

Beloved?

"No," you said sternly. "He'll be treated as vermin."

The reflection moved closer, her hands pressed onto the glass that separated yourself and her. She drummed her nails into the glass, seeming impatient and unamused with your morality. "He'll be treated as he deserves," she corrected, "our King doesn't treat those wished away as terrible as you believe. Harry won't have any memory once he's turned into a goblin."

You gasped at this new piece of information. Turned into a goblin. You'd never considered that as a possibility. You'd just assumed that being trapped in this realm meant he'd be a slave of sorts; he'd become a door knocker, or a statue, or maybe a personal slave of the Goblin Kings. But to have his humanity permanently stripped away from him, with no recollection of you?

"I won't allow it," you argued.

"Won't allow what?" She mused, sensing your rising anger.

"Having his memory snatched is an easy way out!" You continued, furious. Harry wouldn't remember the pain he'd caused you. He'd go on to live a different life, one free of the heartache and infidelity. Whereas you'd be the one to suffer for the rest of your life—you'd be cursed with the knowledge that he'd cheated, picked another woman over you, and that you'd wished him away in the heat of the moment. You'd be tormented and he'd be free.

How was that fair?

You glared at your reflection, and she continued to stare back at you, fully entertained. "I won't let him forget. I'll be the one suffering if he does. Haven't I had enough heartache for one day?"

"Swap places with him," she urged finally, and now she appeared to desperately claw away at the glass wall separating you two. A hungry glimmer was in her eyes. You blinked at her, waiting for further clarification. "If you save him, he'll think you've forgiven him. Make a deal with the Goblin King and have Harry run the labyrinth."

That...

A part of you liked that idea. You'd never forgive Harry for what he had done, and you didn't want to forgive him. But maybe having him run through the labyrinth would teach him a greater lesson?

Though, would he be given the same conditions as you were? That he'd have 13 hours to complete the labyrinth and confront the Goblin King, and would you be turned into a goblin if he didn't succeed? You didn't want to become a goblin, but you figured you'd at least be spared the memory of heartache and betrayal.

"Would the Goblin King even allow that?" You muttered in thought, seriously considering the idea. "Why would he want to swap one human for the other? He'd have to have a reason to do so."

The reflection grinned widely at this. "You don't know, do you?" She teased.

You shot her a confused stare. What didn't you know? Had you missed something? What was she not telling you?

"I don't... I don't understand. What do you mean?"

The reflection started to fade. She placed a finger to her lip, creating a 'shushing' motion. You felt offended that she'd treat you like a noisy child, and you were about to protest against her before the glass panel morphed into a door.

You glanced around at the other mirrors, now realising each of your reflections had vanished in sync, and all that was left were hand crafted paintings of the Goblin King. You eyed them skeptically, wondering deeply if the Goblin King had used some sort of magic in pretending to be your reflection, just to rile you up and prevent you from truly saving Harry.

But what would be to gain from that? You instead of Harry? Why on Earth would he do that?

You huffed in frustration. You couldn't make sense of the Goblin King at all. He really was the trickster he swore himself to be.

You turned to face the door, now resolved within yourself. You reached for the handle and twisted it to the side, and you stepped through to the unknown.