#jareth wins

[notmuchtoconceal]

"you melt a little when you see my big goofy scary dog teeth smilin back from my big broad furry face, you don't know what to fuckin do."

I love that you perfectly understand one of the most alluring physical attributes about yourself. This sentence right here. You KNOW what you were aiming for, you KNOW what you look like, and you KNOW that you're executing it exactly how you want to execute it. You came here to brainwash, and brainwash you will.

Oh my fucking god, bro. You're 100% correct with that, down to the animalistic connotation. You absolutely make me melt with that. You hit the nail on the head. Aces.

I wanted to add to this by saying there is a unique thing you do with your facial expressions that I've seen in nobody else. I've seen some others come close, but not like you. How to describe it?

So you know how most people, when they make an expression, you can see the thought behind the expression? And if they're trying to deceive you, the thought and the expression don't match up. Well, with you, there's a whole 'nother layer. Best I can describe is that it's the thought behind the thought behind the expression. I think it has something to do with your value of souls. It's not the same thing as when someone's soul shines through. It's more like an expression that only a Licensed Soul Appraiser can make.

It's not judgmental. It's not manipulative. It's not self-reflective. It's not egomaniacal. It's not predatory. It's not empathetic. But it does have elements of all those attributes. It IS, without a doubt, highly metaphysical. I can only use adjectives to describe it, and almost solely in a deductive relationship with it, because it's not seen before, and therefore can't be referenced elsewhere.

My point is: you are extremely attractive. Physical you, not just the wordsmith. And I'm glad to know you're aware of your own hotness and have control over what makes you hot. It's like Museum Bro's perfect skin. You think that motherfucker can't see your soul perfectly with a skin routine like that? You're kidding yourself if you think he can't.

I love how much you love being brainwashed by me.

I love how the more you speak, the more you express the sheer depthless appetite of your lust for me, the sheer investment in my aura, my potential and love of mankind which you see radiating from my work.

I would give you everything, should you only surrender all you are to me. You are now Underaged Jennifer Connoly, not being a bad actress on purpose, but being a good actress playing an amateur actress in a teenage girl's plushie-hump coming of age awakening. I will be Your Goblin King. I will only make you weaker and long more to surrender. You will be lost in my maze, succumb to my traps, stumble facefirst into flat panes of forced perspective and give yourself willingly to my stench.

When the bell tolls, you will belong to me forever.

You remind me of the babe not, for you are her.

You are all I long for, all I worship and deplore.

May our Magic Dance never Draw to a Close.

With you, I am my Best, For you Bring Out My Worst.

My Toxic King.

My Queen I Don't Want.

athleticbrutality ain't shit.

You're one of the worst people I've ever had the displeasure to meet.

I can't get enough of you.

You are so stupid, you are definitely fit to be my number #3.

[whowouldwininafite]

[fleetstreetpies]

every day is the ides of march if you hate julius caesar and you’re not a coward

[fleetstreetpies]

Yeah I could fuck him up

Go here:

Generate 1 Pokémon, doesn’t matter if you know anything about Pokémon or not

Based on looks + whatever knowledge you have about it, COULD YOU TAKE THIS POKÉMON IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT?

[medievalandfantasymelee]

THE HOT MEDIEVAL & FANTASY MEN MELEE

FIRST ROUND: 61st Tilt

Jareth, the Goblin King, Labyrinth (1986) VS. Ivar the Boneless, Vikings (2013-2020)

Propaganda

Jareth, the Goblin King, Labyrinth (1986) Portrayed by: David Bowie Defeated Opponents: - Jafar [Marwan Kenzari], Aladdin (2019)

“Are those tights family friendly? Definitely not. Was Jareth the sexual awakening of more people than I can count! Obviously, it's David Bowie in a leather jacket/feather cape/poets shirt/etc what more could you ask for. He's sexy, he's ambiguous, he's powerful but he will bow to you. He's symbolic of growing up and also the Goblin King who will feed you poison fruit if it means he's got a shot at winning. The fics are legion and for good reason. "Fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave" rewrote my brain.”

Ivar the Boneless, Vikings (2013-2020) Portrayed by: Alex Høgh Andersen Defeated Opponents: - Stannis Baratheon [Stephen Dillane], Game of Thrones (2011-2019)

“Everyone underestimated him due to his disability, but he's a survivor. Is he ruthless? Yes. But there's a reason we remember his name today.”

Additional Propaganda Under the Cut

Additional Propaganda

For Jareth:

For Ivar the Boneless:

“Listen I’ve written at an academic level about how most medieval shows fundamentally misunderstand early medieval conceptions of disability, BUT. I was possessed by spirits in the early days of the pandemic and Ivar was so fun if you turned your brain off and ignored the bad ableist bits that haunt medievalism (and the inherent issue of him being played by an able-bodied actor). He was very charming and full of righteous anger and brought such a new energy we hadn’t seen, and I really only cared when he was on screen. Like that’s my clever guy from the sagas and I love him!”

[dark-elf-writes]

oh god the guardians are going to be nightmares for tsuna to deal with in, hayato would HATE jareth simply on the grounds of no one being good enough for decimo (tho jareth probably comes the closest on the simple fact that he’s a fucking faerie and hayato is a cryptid nerd) and kyouya immediately has to be restrained from throwing hands because he will get turned into some sm woodland critter so fast

None of the guardians really know what to make of Jareth other than Mukuro and Kyouya who are both frothing at the mouth to throw down with him. For the most part they are wary and more than a little protective of Tsuna. Jareth wins them over one by one. He has centuries of practice at seeing people’s desires, after all, and he knows they want someone who cares for Tsuna as much as they do and is willing to protect him.

Mukuro and Hibari still want to fight him though. Jareth would be more than willing to let them (or better yet toss them to the labyrinth to see what happens) but Tsuna would be upset.

[kartavmonstr]

Jareth came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. She turned around instantly. But there was no strength to resist. He looked mockingly into her eyes, as if saying: "You played great, Sarah. But time is over, and it's time to stop—you'll never win."

(c) Labyrinth, novelization

[most-fuckable-character-showdown]

Round 2D Matchup 3

May the most fuckable win!

[somedaylazysomeday]

SomedayLazySomeday's Masterlist

Hey, friends! Here is the collection of everything I’ve written up to this point. Fics have their own page to keep things neat, and those links are posted under the media to which they belong. 

All fics feature a female reader with minimal physical description and no use of ‘Y/N’. All of these works are rated mature or explicit and are not intended for minors. Please take note of the warnings listed on the chapter links for each fic.

Thanks for reading and enjoy!

- Ink 

Arcane (2021) 

Good Intentions - Silco x fem!reader. - 54.7k words. Reader runs a charitable organization, the Haven, which seeks to help people overcome their Shimmer addiction. Silco soon takes an intense interest in the Haven and the woman who operates it.

Noisy - Viktor x fem!reader.  - 7.2k words. Reader is a student at the Piltover Academy and lives in student housing, one floor below Viktor. He’s a bit of an insomniac… and a noisy one at that.

Avengers (2012) 

Cold - Loki x fem!reader. - 3k words. Reader is in a casual physical relationship with Loki. When she attends a party at Avengers Tower with someone else, he’s bothered by the idea that she’s ashamed of him. Themes of jealousy and minor monsterfucking.

Beetlejuice  

A Deal with a Demon - Beetlejuice x fem!reader. - 13.3k words. Reader is a witch who’s a little down on her luck. She summons a demon for help, but he turns out to be very different from what she expected. Themes of magic, desperation, and monsterfucking.

Black Sails  

Captured - Captain Charles Vane x fem!reader.  - 9.1k words. Reader disguised herself as a man to cross the ocean, but her ship was captured by pirates who brought her on as a member of their crew. Vane eventually figures out the truth. Dub-con themes in Part One; mind the warnings!

The Boondock Saints 

Na Buachaillí - Murphy MacManus x fem!reader, Connor MacManus x fem!reader. - 13k words. Reader is a high school science teacher working temp jobs over Christmas break to help pay for her divorce. 

Ex Machina (2015) 

Winner Take All - Nathan Bateman x fem!reader.  - 11.6k words. Reader knows Nathan from MIT, and they constantly run into each other during trivia night at a local bar. Enemies to friends to lovers vibes.

The Gray Man (2022)

Paranoid - Lloyd Hansen x fem!reader. - 9.7k words. Reader runs into Lloyd and he takes a liking to her. She can’t say the same for him. Dark!fic with themes of non-con. Mind the warnings on this one!

The Hobbit 

Dexterity - Thorin Oakenshield x fem!reader. - 14.6k words. Reader sells wool at Erebor’s markets and is familiar with the king, handsome and aloof. But Thorin rapidly warms up when a storm forces her to stay in Erebor overnight…

A Boon - Elvenking Thranduil x fem!reader. - 20.2k words. Reader owns a bar in Lake-Town and is very unimpressed with the Elvenking, even as he slowly works to win her over. Enemies to lovers vibes.

Labyrinth 

Dreams - Jareth x fem!reader.  - 7.7k words. Reader wished away her college roommate, beat the labyrinth, and resisted the Goblin King. But he isn’t done with her yet… Themes of dark fae, magic, and predator/prey.

Random Jareth Fics - Jareth x fem!reader - 6.8k words. Reader is a teacher who was wished away by a young student. She becomes Jareth’s eyes and ears in the human world, working to keep his legend alive. Over time, she becomes less human, but an occasional need still arises.

Narcos

Informant - Javier Peña x fem!reader. - 2.3k words. Reader has some information about Pablo Escobar and ends up making a different sort of deal. (Similar in tone to Oaths, but I hadn’t quite figured out how to write Javier Peña’s character yet.)

Oaths - Javier Peña x fem!reader. - 11.5k words. Reader is a nurse who treats the Escobar family. She turns information over to the DEA, though she doesn’t care for the agent assigned to her case.

Matter of Perspective - Captain Horacio Carrillo x fem!reader.  - 9.6k words. Reader works for the DEA in Columbia and accompanies the Search Bloc to prove one of her theories. Enemies to lovers vibes.

Southern Vampire Mysteries/True Blood

Blood Donor - Eric Northman x fem!reader.  - 2.4k words. Reader is a were-animal working for the vampires of a town Eric is visiting. You are sent to feed him. 

Star Wars 

Target Acquired - Jango Fett x fem!reader. - 9.6k words. Reader is a bounty hunter who often finds herself in direct competition with Jango Fett. They have a deal: whoever catches the bounty sets the terms of their night together.

Pursuit - Boba Fett x fem!reader.  - 6.5k words. Reader is a bounty Boba finds, but she must convince him to let her go… even if they both know it’s only temporary. 

Star Wars: The Bad Batch 

Hunted - Hunter x fem!reader. - 7.3k words. Reader works with the Bad Batch. She has a crush on Hunter that seems one-sided… until a chance encounter with a mysterious substance on a mission. Sex pollen and themes of predator/prey. 

Aim - Crosshair x fem!reader. - 9.9k words. Reader works with the Bad Batch and gets stranded with Crosshair after a mission. They won’t make it back to the Havoc Marauder without blowing off some steam. Enemies to lovers vibes in both parts. 

Experiment - Tech x fem!reader. - 3.5k words. Tech thinks he can’t be distracted from his work. Reader bets that isn’t true, and she’s willing to prove it.

Stretch - Wrecker x fem!reader.  - 13.5k words. Reader and Wrecker are a strong couple, but there are some challenges that come with dating someone so physically large. 

Different, But Still Good - TBB!Echo x fem!reader.  - 3.4k words. Reader is a sex-positive asexual, unbothered by the ways Echo was changed during his time with the Separatists. They’re both a little surprised when he volunteers to help on an unusually needy day. 

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Bitten - Commander Wolffe x fem!reader.  - 13.4k words. Reader has a crush on Broadside, a pilot with the 501st. When it isn’t returned, a helpful stranger encourages her to let Wolffe provide a distraction.

Tied Up in You - Commander Fox x fem!reader. - 9.8k words. Established relationship between Fox and Reader. Sickeningly sweet glimpses at a loving, unlikely relationship.

Misbehaving - Commander Cody x fem!reader.  - 9.2k words. Reader is in a relationship with Cody. Their relationship is one of control and boundaries, but they’re both willing and ready to test each other.

Star Wars: Legends

Bodyguard - Alpha-17 x fem!reader.  - 9.2k words. Reader is a Senatorial aide, assigned to work for a hated senator who endangers both of their lives with his politics. Fortunately, Alpha is sent to keep them safe.

Gar Cyare Spice Fics - Alpha-17 x fem!reader. - 6.8k words. Assorted spicy chapters of an ongoing fic on my main blog. (Gar Cyare by WanderingInkSplot) Established relationship between Alpha and the fem!reader.

The Boys

Hooked - Billy Butcher x fem!reader. - 8k words. Reader is a tow truck driver sent to tow Butcher's car. He's less than pleased.

The Walking Dead 

Arm Candy - Negan x fem!reader.  - 18k words. Reader is a Savior and a prospective wife. Negan likes to show her off at meetings, but he is easily the most distracted person in the room.

[oonajaeadira]

Hi Adira!

Would you rather be an extra in an Oscar-winning movie or the lead in a box office bomb?

Hi, Kat. *cuddles*

I'll pick the box office bomb. Bombs often become cult classics and are some of my favorites. The Adventures of Baron von Munchausen. Rocky Horror. Children of Men. Shawshank.

Listen. Labyrinth was a box office bomb. And if it means I get to wear a pretty dress and stare longingly in Jareth's eyes as he leads me around a mad mad dance floor, I am totally in.

[wizardbracket]

Round 2: Match 29 of 32

Why they deserve to be the ultimate wizard according to YOU:

Morgana:

Vanquished (so far): Yennefer

"Morgana is the OG, she was 10 year old me's everything, she has to win. I am a fierce Morgana apologist"

"the time they took with her decent arc, it was so well done!"

"she is so beautiful and tragic and her friendship with merlin had so much potential"

"Morgana was the OG sexy badass and Morgana will always win in my book"

Jareth:

Vanquished (so far): Tim the Enchanter

"he kidnaps children but only when asked"

"Jareth needs no comment"

"he has magnificent shiny balls"

[dragynkeep]

listening to the goblin battle & then within you on the labyrinth soundtrack is such a jarring shift but i think it makes complete sense. we go from sarah's idealization of the very childish "final battle" in all fairytales, to something far more adult & raw in her world view.

within you is jareth laying himself & all that he is bare for sarah to see & hear just how much his dependence exists around her. as we leave behind the last inklings of childhood fantasy & come into something visceral & real, culminating in sarah's realization of her own power in her autonomy & reaching the actual "final act" of the fairy tale where the heroine wins, is the true ending of her story.

[sgtruttersdartsclubband]

Hello internet I got married last night 😎👉

Finally got to do a mostly complete Jareth costume, a dream of mine since the 8th grade, and married the love of my life, so a real win win all around I'd say.

I'll have more fully edited pics in a week or so, that were taken by my ex wife's new girlfriend funnily enough, but I just wanted to show off a lil 🥰🥰🥰

[foxes-that-run]

Labyrinth

Labyrinth tells of pain of a past relationship, combined with the realisation of falling back in love with them. Similar to bejewelled, I think there is an element of looking at a current relationship ending through the lens of a past one. It references a 1D song Harry wrote, Half the world away, which was leaked August 2020, 5 months before Midnights was started. HTWA also refers to the tension over Harry saying 'I love you' in Say don't go on 1989TV. It was played at the 9 November Eras show with The Very First Night.

Labyrinth starring David Bowie

The title makes me think of David Bowie's 80's film. The green vinyl also had similar image to background to the cover art. Bowie is a key influence for Harry. In Labyrinth, Bowie is a Goblin King, Jareth, who gives Sarah 13 hours to solve his labyrinth in a misguided attempt win her love. Sarah and Jareth are temperamental and wistfully invested in dreams... not unlike certain popstars.

As well as the Bowie reference this is related to the theme of being trapped or unable to get over this love.

Lyrics

It only hurts this much right now Was what I was thinking the whole time Breathe in, breathe through Breathe deep, breathe out I'll be getting over you my whole life You know how scared I am of elevators Never trust it if it rises fast It can't last

The first verse is reflecting on the emotional turmoil during the relationship (1989) and is rich in references:

Half the World Away "deep in, I'm scared I'll stop breathing"

OOTW "Are we in the clear yet? / In the clear yet, good / Are we out of the woods yet?" When discussing OOTW Taylor said she constantly felt like she needed to overcome the next step.

Suburban Legends "It's ruined my life"

Gorgeous "you've ruined by life by not being mine"

I Wish You Would: "I’ll never forget you as long as I live"

Taylor also referred to this lyric in her NYU speech (27 mins) 4 months before it's release "Hard things will happen to us. We will recover, we will learn from it. We will grow more resilient because of it. And as long as we are fortunate enough to be breathing we will breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out. And I am a doctor now, so I know how breathing works."

Also Getaway Car includes a line from Hilary Duff's Breathe in. Breath Out. (X marks the spot where we fell apart) Taylor also 'referenced' this song musically for Paper Rings.

Harry also sings Breathe me in, Breathe me out in Watermelon Sugar.

Uh oh, I'm falling in love Oh no, I'm falling in love again Oh, I'm falling in love I thought the plane was going down How'd you turn it right around

The chorus tells of realising that a love she thought was gone has come back. It references a leaked One Direction song that

Say don't go has a similar 'oh no' to this 'uh oh' meaning realisation, there it is that is is ending, here it is that it has come back.

On One Direction's Half the world away Harry wrote “I want you around, 'round, 'round / Are we going down, down, down?”

It only feels this raw right now Lost in the labyrinth of my mind Break up, break free, break through, break down You would break your back to make me break a smile You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back Just like that

The bounce back line is to me where we can see the similarities drawn between a past relationship (Harry) and most recent (Joe). The announcement Harry and Taylor split (for the boat time) was in real time. With paparazzi photos of them both over the next days. She learnt from that and stopped sharing at all when she dated Harry again and with CH and Joe the announcement came months after.

As in many songs, Taylor's mind is a labyrinth and she can't get past this love. She tells herself if only feels so raw, but the chorus speaks to the 'built to fall apart and get back together' nature. The pain is her anxiety as described in Gold Rush, Slut! and Say Don't Go, and focus in I know places.

Harry has sung about Taylors smile and sacrifice to have her:

Someday (sung by Michael Buble) "I love seeing you happy / I miss seeing you smile" and "For her I bend, for you I break / And if I can't be yours now / I'll wait here on this ground / 'Til you come, 'til you take me away / Maybe someday"

Half the World Away: "Now I walk to you 'til my feet hurt / So tell me that's not good enough"

If I could Fly: "I think I might / Give up everything, just ask me to"

Half the World Away also has a similar structure, both repeat the chorus about a plane/relationship going down many times at the end.

[medievalandfantasymelee]

THE HOT MEDIEVAL & FANTASY MEN MELEE

QUALIFYING ROUND: 98th Tilt

Jareth, the Goblin King, Labyrinth (1986) VS. Jafar, Aladdin (2019)

Propaganda

Jareth, the Goblin King, Labyrinth (1986) Portrayed by: David Bowie

“Are those tights family friendly? Definitely not. Was Jareth the sexual awakening of more people than I can count! Obviously, it's David Bowie in a leather jacket/feather cape/poets shirt/etc what more could you ask for. He's sexy, he's ambiguous, he's powerful but he will bow to you. He's symbolic of growing up and also the Goblin King who will feed you poison fruit if it means he's got a shot at winning. The fics are legion and for good reason. "Fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave" rewrote my brain.”

Jafar, Aladdin (2019) Portrayed by: Marwan Kenzari

“Hot Jafar is surely this movie's most significant cultural legacy, and it's not hard to understand why, because just look at him.”

Additional Propaganda Under the Cut

Additional Propaganda

For Jareth:

For Jafar:

“The internet didn't dub him "Hot Jafar" for nothing lol. Plus he has very nice eyes.”

[Gifset]

[dark-elf-writes]

The kidnapping argument can to be because Jareth was trying to win I-pin over and she loudly proclaimed that he kidnapped her brothers and so she didn’t trust him when Tsuna just so happened to be in the room

Bold to assume the first conversation Jareth and Tsuna had wasn’t Tsuna demanding his brothers/sons back and Jareth claiming that he hadn’t kidnapped them and instead was simply doing his duty as the king of the labyrinth.

The argument does however recur often enough and I-Pin picks up on it immediately