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baliportalnews · 2 years ago

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Laba Bersih FIF Naik 58,65 Persen pada Semester I-2022

BALIPORTALNEWS.COM, JAKARTA - Memasuki pertengahan tahun 2022 ini, PT Federal International Finance (PT FIF) yang merupakan anak perusahaan PT Astra International Tbk di bidang pembiayaan ritel dan menjadi salah satu yang terbesar di Indonesia mencatatkan pertumbuhan laba bersih sebesar 58,65% pada semester I (periode Januari - Juni 2022) menjadi Rp1,51 triliun dibanding periode sama tahun sebelumnya yang mencapai Rp949,27 miliar. Pertumbuhan kinerja juga dapat dilihat dari penyaluran pembiayaan (amount finance) oleh PT FIF yang tercatat mengalami peningkatan menjadi Rp15,50 triliun pada semester I tahun 2022, tumbuh 0,60% dibanding periode yang sama tahun 2021 yang hanya mencapai Rp15,41 triliun. Presiden Direktur PT FIF, Margono Tanuwijaya, mengatakan perekonomian Indonesia yang perlahan-lahan mulai bangkit dari keterpurukan pandemi Covid-19 berdampak kepada meningkatnya pembiayaan di sejumlah sektor. “Kelangkaan chip semikonduktor pada produksi sepeda motor berdampak kepada layanan pembiayaan sepeda motor baru kami. Kendati demikian, kami tetap terus optimis melihat kinerja lini bisnis lainnya yang menunjukkan pertumbuhan positif pada semester I tahun 2022 ini,” tutur Margono, Minggu (31/7/2022). Pertumbuhan Lini Bisnis Semester I - 2022 PT FIF bergerak sebagai perusahaan pembiayaan ritel terbesar di Indonesia menyediakan 5 (lima) layanan pembiayaan, yaitu FIFASTRA, DANASTRA, SPEKTRA, FINATRA, dan AMITRA. Untuk lini bisnis FIFASTRA, kelangkaan chip semikonduktor berdampak negatif pada kinerja pembiayaan sepeda motor Honda baru tersebut. Hal ini dikarenakan proses produksi tersebut tidak dapat mengimbangi permintaan masyarakat yang tinggi, sehingga masyarakat harus terlebih dahulu melakukan pemesanan secara inden dengan jangka waktu yang lama. Hal ini dapat dilihat dari penurunan kinerja pembiayaan FIFASTRA sebesar 7,53% pada semester I - 2022 menjadi Rp9,38 triliun dibanding semester I - 2021 yang mencapai Rp10,15 triliun. Penurunan ini juga dapat dilihat dari jumlah booking unit di semester I - 2022 yang hanya mencapai 549 ribu unit turun 4,81% dibanding periode yang sama tahun 2021 mencapai 577 ribu unit. Berbeda dengan FIFASTRA, DANASTRA yang merupakan lini bisnis pembiayaan multiguna mencatatkan pertumbuhan penyaluran pembiayaan yang mencapai Rp5,71 triliun, meningkat 16,02% pada semester I - 2022 dibanding periode sama tahun 2021 yang hanya mencapai Rp4,92 triliun. Peningkatan ini juga dapat dilihat dari jumlah booking unit DANASTRA di semester I - 2022 yang mencapai 656 ribu unit, naik tipis 0,28% dibanding semester I - 2021 sebesar 654 ribu unit. Pembiayaan multiproduk PT FIF, yaitu SPEKTRA mencatatkan pertumbuhan penyaluran pembiayaan sebesar 11,08% di semester I - 2022 yang mencapai Rp337,60 miliar dibanding periode sama tahun 2021 yang hanya mencapai Rp303,93 miliar. Secara booking unit, terjadi peningkatan sebesar 4,32% menjadi 57 ribu kontrak pada semester I - 2022 dibanding periode sama tahun 2021 yang hanya mencapai 54 ribu kontrak. FINATRA merupakan pembiayaan mikro PT FIF dan baru beroperasional sejak bulan April 2022 lahir dalam rangka mendukung program Pemerintah RI dalam memajukan UMKM di Indonesia. FINATRA juga turut berkontribusi terhadap kinerja PT FIF di semester I - 2022. Sejak beroperasionalnya mulai bulan April hingga Juni 2022, FINATRA telah mencatatkan penyaluran sebesar Rp22,14 miliar dengan jumlah booking unit sebanyak 229 kontrak. Angin segar juga datang dari lini bisnis pembiayaan syariah PT FIF, AMITRA, sejak dibukanya kembali pintu bagi jemaah internasional untuk melakukan ibadah Haji maupun Umrah oleh Arab Saudi. AMITRA mencatatkan pertumbuhan penyaluran pembiayaan menjadi Rp46,64 miliar pada semester I - 2022, tumbuh 36,43% dibanding semester I - 2021 yang hanya mencapai Rp34,19 miliar. Jumlah booking unit AMITRA juga mengalami kenaikan sebesar 80,41% pada Semester I - 2022 yang mencapai 2.791 kontrak dibanding periode sama tahun 2021 yang hanya mencapai 1.547 kontrak. Program Keberlanjutan Di awal tahun 2022, PT FIF berkomitmen untuk terus mewujudkan misi perusahaan, yaitu ‘Membawa Kehidupan yang Lebih Baik untuk Masyarakat’ dengan melakukan beragam program keberlanjutan untuk memberikan dampak positif bagi sosial serta lingkungan yang mengacu kepada Environment, Social and Governance (ESG). Berbagai program yang telah dilaksanakan tersebut masuk ke dalam 4 pilar tanggung jawab sosial perusahaan, yaitu pilar Pemberdayaan Masyarakat, Kesehatan, Lingkungan, dan Pendidikan. Pada pilar pemberdayaan masyarakat, PT FIF melakukan penyaluran program dana bergulir, di mana pada tahun ini perusahaan menargetkan penyaluran pinjaman modal usaha tanpa bunga tersebut kepada 550 pelaku Usaha, Mikro, Kecil, dan Menengah. Program tersebut telah berhasil terlaksana, di mana PT FIF berhasil mencatatkan penyaluran kepada 604 pelaku UMKM di seluruh Indonesia. Pada pilar kesehatan, sejalan dengan HUT ke-33 Tahun, PT FIF mencanangkan melakukan kegiatan Donor 33.000 Kantong Darah, di mana hingga semester I - 2022, PT FIF telah berhasil mengumpulkan 17.778 kantong darah. Selain program Donor Darah, PT FIF juga turut menyelenggarakan program posyandu dengan memberikan alat-alat kesehatan yang dibutuhkan bagi posyandu-posyandu yang tersebar di sejumlah titik. Sejalan dengan program pemerintah dalam mengurangi jumlah anak stunting, PT FIF juga menyalurkan bantuan dengan menargetkan 130 anak stunting di beberapa titik di Indonesia, pada semester I – 2022 Perseroan telah memberikan bantuan kepada 111 anak stunting dengan bekerja sama bersama beberapa posyandu. Pada pilar lingkungan, PT FIF turut berkontribusi melakukan penanaman pohon di seluruh titik di Indonesia. Sama halnya dengan program Donor Darah, PT FIF dalam merayakan HUT ke-33 tahun, menyelenggarakan kegiatan Tanam 33.000 Pohon Sepanjang Tahun 2022, di mana hingga akhir bulan Juni 2022, perusahaan telah menanam 15.425 pohon di hampir seluruh titik di Indonesia. Untuk mengurangi emisi gas rumah kaca, PT FIF juga turut berkontribusi dengan melakukan pemasangan solar panel berkapasitas 86,4 killowatt-peak di 8 titik cabang PT FIF pada tahun 2022. Pada pilar pendidikan, PT FIF telah menyelenggarakan beberapa program dalam membantu pendidikan Indonesia, seperti penyaluran bantuan untuk 33 panti asuhan dalam mengembangkan pembinaan santri-santri di Indonesia, Program Pelatihan Guru yang hingga saat ini telah memberikan kebermanfaatan bagi 2.111 guru di Indonesia, Program Jam Sosial Mengajar dengan jumlah siswa yang terdampak sebanyak 496 siswa mulai dari SD, SMP, SMA/SMK, hingga tingkat Universitas. Melalui program-program tersebut diharapkan dapat menjadi bagian dari kontribusi PT FIF pada program pemerintah mewujudkan pembangunan berkelanjutan dan memperluas dampak kebermanfaatan dari program yang diselenggarakan.(*/bpn) Read the full article

#Astra #AstraInternational #FederalInternationalFinance #FIF #FIFGroup #Kredit

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paketumroh2022 · 3 years ago

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Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.. Sudahkah anda merindukan Baitullah? Melihat kabah langsung dalam jarak dekat dan berkesempatan berziarah ke makam Rasulullah. Menjalani ibadah umroh adalah impian orang-orang yang beriman. Untuk menjawab kerinduan Anda, pastikan kenyamanan perjalanan. Bahkan untuk saat ini masih sering ragu bukan untuk menentukan biro travel umroh yang terpercaya? Masih khawatir biro yang dipilih tidak valid bukan yang tipu-tipu? Bahkan khawatir tidak jadi berangkat? Atau biro belum sepenuhnya mengerti musim yang saat terjadi, misalnya bagaimana protokol yang ada pada saat umroh dimasa pandemi.. Apa saja yang perlu dipersiapkan.. Biro umroh yang anda pilih harus yang profesional bukan? Percayakan perjalanan umroh Anda pada Amadine Tour. Amadine Tour menjanjikan fasilitas hotel bintang 5, dengan pesawat kelas eksekutif, direct flight Tanggal Keberangkatan : 14 Februari 2022

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wasisdpj · 3 years ago

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📍 [PENDAFTARAN KAJIMU - Kampus Haji dan Umrah] 📍 KAJIMU Angkatan 6 Online dan GRATIS Terbuka untuk umum, Putra - Putri . Baca dengan teliti sampai akhir ya.. ===== 🔰 Apa itu KAJIMU - Kampus Haji dan Umrah? KAJIMU adalah program yang online yang dirancang untuk memberikan pelajaran tentang pelaksanaan haji dan umrah yang sesuai sunnah. Mari ikuti program ini dan niatkan untuk mendapatkan pemahaman umrah dan haji sesuai sunnah serta serilmu sebelum beramal. 👤 Pengajar KAJIMU Ustadz Dr. Aris Munandar, SS., MPI Ustadz Ammi Nur Baits, ST., BA Ustadz Yulian Purnama, S.Kom -Hafizhahumullahul jami'- 📚 Materi KAJIMU 1. Maqosidhul hajj 2. Hukum seputar safar 3. Fiqih ringkas umrah 4. Fiqih ringkas haji 5. Syarah doa perjalanan 6. Syarah doa haji dan umrah 7. Larangan ihram 8. Fiqih dam 🗒 Pendaftaran KAJIMU Masa Pendaftaran: Ahad, 12 Desember sampai dengan Sabtu, 25 Desember 2021 Link Pendaftaran : belajar.kajimu.org/register 💰 Biaya Program: GRATIS 🎙 Pelaksanaan KBM: Januari 2022 - Juli 2022 Materi dibagukan setiap senin, rabu, dan jumat. Akan ada soal evaluasi per materi, pekanan dan ujian akhir, untuk menguji pemahaman. 📘 Fasilitas 1. Audio materi 2. Soal dan ujian akhir 3. E-sertifikat 4. Dibimbing oleh ustadz yang terpercaya 📝 Alur Pendaftaran: 1. Buka link pendaftaran belajar.kajimu.org/register Silahkan isi data diri lengkap pada form pendaftaran. 2. Pastikan nomer WhatsApp aktif supaya mendapatkan notifikasi pendaftaran. Noted Jika belum terdaftar, maka segera daftar ulang selama waktu pendaftaran masih dibuka Jika sudah terdaftar, tunggu untuk dimasukkan oleh admin ke dalam grup (Pembukaan grup Insyaa Allah diinfokan setelah pendaftaran ditutup) 📞 Narahubung: Putra : 0822-2012-6677 Putri : 0877-0366-7874 -------- Official Account KAJIMU - Kampus Haji & Umrah Website : https://www.belajar.kajimu.org Fanpage Facebook: https://web.facebook.com/kajimu.jogja/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CXdaMIvBeri/?utm_medium=tumblr

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mediaini · 3 years ago

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Umrah Dibuka Lagi, Ini Perbedaannya di Masa Pandemi -

JAKARTA, MEDIAINI.COM - Pemerintah Arab Saudi menghentikan sementara ibadah umrah dan haji karena tingginya kasus pandemi COVID-19 yang mewabah di dunia. Namun pada 22 September 2020 lalu, Raja Arab Saudi Salman bin Abdulaziz Al-Saud mengeluarkan keputusan membuka umrah.

Adapun tahap awal umrah hanya dibuka untuk para warga yang berasal dari Arab Saudi. Sementara itu, warga yang berasal dari luar Arab Saudi perlu dinyatakan aman dari COVID-19 untuk dapat menjalani ibadah umrah. Untuk para jemaah yang berasal dari luar negeri dibuka mulai 1 November 2020. Di tahap ini, Pemerintah Arab Saudi meningkatkan kapasitas menjadi sekitar 20.000 jemaah umrah per hari.

Namun pemerintah Arab Saudi juga mengumumkan, masuknya jamaah umrah harus menaati sejumlah aturan baru yang ditetapkan oleh kerajaan Saudi.

Kebijakan Baru

Berdasarkan pengumuman terbaru, ada pembatasan kategori usia bagi jemaah umrah. Pengumuman ini khususnya ditujukkan bagi warga negara Indonesia (WNI). Kepala Bidang Umrah Asosiasi Muslim Penyelenggara Haji dan Umrah Republik Indonesia (Amphuri) Zaky Zakaria Anshary mengatakan, usia yang diizinkan untuk umrah adalah usia 18-60 tahun. Kebijakan ini direlaksasi setelah sebelumnya untuk usia 18-50 tahun.

"Informasi terbaru dari beberapa Muassasah Saudi Arabia menyatakan syarat Umur bagi jamaah Umrah Khusus warga Indonesia menjadi 18-60 tahun, sebelumnya syarat umur 18-50 tahun, hal ini disambut baik oleh masyarakat Muslim Indonesia karena pendaftar Umrah yang berumur lebih 50 tahun sangat banyak," kata Zaky Zakaria Anshary kepada wartawan, Sabtu (23/1).

Pembukaan penerbangan umrah internasional ini telah mulai dilakukan oleh Kerajaan Saudi sejak 3 Januari 2021 lalu. Indonesia menerbangkan jamaah umrah sebanyak 3 kelompok pada 9, 10 dan 11 Januari 2021.

Zaky mengatakan pada 18 dan 19 Januari, dua kelompok umrah telah kembali ke Indonesia dan melakukan swab PCR sebanyak dua kali dan kemudian melakukan karantina selama lima hari."Pada 18 Januari, Amphuri menyurati kepala BNPB selaku ketua Satgas Covid 19 agar menggratiskan berkenaan biaya PCR 2 kali & Karantina 5 hari kepada jamaah Umrah & bila perlu mengecualikan karantina bagi jamaah Umrah, surat ini juga ditembuskan kepada Kemenag," terang Zaky Zakaria Anshary.

Selain syarat usia, sebelumnya Kementerian Agama (Kemenag) RI secara resmi menaikkan tarif standar atau tarif referensi umrah dari Rp20 juta menjadi Rp26 juta bagi para umat Islam yang hendak melaksanakan ibadah umrah di masa pandemi virus Corona (Covid-19).

Ini Daftar Bedanya

�� View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Aditya Santoso (@adit_jagoan)

Lantas apa perbedaan umrah di masa pandemi dengan sebelumnya? Mediaini.com bertemu dengan salah seorang Tour Leader umrah yang baru pulang ke tanah air. Aditya Santoso membeberkan, umrah di masa pandemi sangat ketat dengan peraturan. Bahkan ada pengawalan khusus. Adit terbang ke tanah suci pada 1 November dan kembali di tanggal 12 November 2020.

"Perbedaan umroh masa pandemi adalah banyak regulasi terbaru dari Muasasa Saudi, kementerian haji dan kementerian kesehatan. Protokol kesehatan wajib, usia 18 hingga 50 tahun. Umrah hanya 1 kali. Karantina 3 hari (wajib), Pcr swab 2 kali," terang Aditya Santoso.

Pemilik akun @adit_jaGOan itu mengatakan selain masalah teknis, ada beberapa kegiatan yang masih dilarang selama menjalankan ibadah umrah. "Tidak bisa city tour Mekkah dan Madinah. Tidak dapat air zam zam (aturan airline). Ke mesjid sholat 5 waktu di kawal petugas muasasa Tidak bisa tawaf sunah," tambah Aditya Santoso.

Sempat distop, bisnis travel umrah pun sempat vakum. Adit dan perusahaan ditempatnya bekerja pun memutar otak agar tetap mendapat pemasukan. "Bisnis travel nya pasti sementara stuck, WFH , hampir 1 tahun tidak ada pemberangkatan, salah satu upaya supaya tetap berjalan kita melakukan wisata halal seperti, Tour keTurki, Usbekistan, Dubai dan domestik karena sementara yang mau memberi visa adalah negara tersebut," beber Aditya Santoso.

Lebih lanjut, Adit menyebut harga umrah naik sekitar 20 % karena ada tambahan karantina dan PCR swab di Indonesia. "Kemungkinan jika vaksin Covid menjadi syarat Umroh pasti akan menambah anggaran biaya umrah," tutup Aditya Santoso.(Ken)

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aayatsabiha · 3 years ago

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December 2021 Best Umrah Package$2999 / per person

DECEMBER 2021 UMRAH PACKAGE

Umrah Package Details:

Breakfast included

45 spots left

Departure: December 22nd, 2021

Return: January 1st, 2022

5-star hotels in Makkah and Madinah within close distance

Price: $2,999 per person EARLY BIRD PRICE for first 25 registered

Normal price after Early Bird: $3300

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turisiancom · 2 years ago

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TURISIAN.com – Geliat pariwisata di Provinsi Jambi semakin membaik. Ini bisa dilihat dari trafik penumpang di Bandara Sultan Thaha. Tercatat, kenaikan jumlah penumpang pada 2022 dibandingkan tahun sebelumnya, dari 410.576 orang menjadi 786.070 orang. Executive General Manager Bandara Sultan Thaha Jambi Siswanto, di Jambi, Minggu 5 Februari 2023, mengatakan kenaikan jumlah penumpang ini dipengaruhi beberapa factor. Terutama terkait persyaratan penerbangan yang tidak terlalu ketat seperti tahun 2021. "Pelonggaran persyaratan penerbangan memacu minat masyarakat bepergian dengan pesawat," kata dia. BACA JUGA: Kunjungan ke Candi Muara Jambi Dibatasi, Ini Pertimbangannya Jika dibandingkan dengan tahun 2021, maka kenaikan jumlah penumpang pada 2022 mencapai 375.494 orang. Ia mengatakan, pelonggaran kegiatan masyarakat pada hari libur keagamaan seperti Lebaran memberikan dampak besar untuk peningkatan jumlah penumpang. Selain itu, pencabutan Pemberlakuan Pembatasan Kegiatan Masyarakat (PPKM) oleh pemerintah pada 30 Desember 2022, juga menjadi stimulus peningkatan jumlah penumpang pada momen libur akhir tahun. Untuk di Jambi, kata dia lagi, beberapa kegiatan konser dan pariwisata sudah mulai dilaksanakan, sehingga meningkatkan mobilitas masyarakat keluar masuk Provinsi Jambi. BACA JUGA: Sedapnya Daging Masak Hitam, Kuliner Khas Jambi Ia menjelaskan, faktor lain yang menunjang kenaikan penumpang juga dipengaruhi turunnya harga tiket pesawat pada Oktober 2022. Jika melihat secara global, perekonomian nasional yang tumbuh membaik juga memberikan andil untuk peningkatan jumlah penumpang di Bandara Jambi. Selain itu, dengan mulai dibukanya perjalanan ibadah umrah ke Tanah Suci juga memberikan berpengaruh. BACA JUGA: Jambi Siapkan Badan Pengelola Wisata untuk Geopark Nasional Merangin Dia menyebutkan, rata-rata per bulan jumlah penumpang yang melaksanakan ibadah umrah di Jambi sebanyak 1.600 jamaah. "Umrah termasuk penyumbang kenaikan penumpang yang lumayan besar," katanya pula terkait trafik penumpang di bandara. Untuk Januari 2023, jumlah penumpang juga meningkat dibanding Januari 2022, yakni mencapai 79.705 orang. Sedangkan pada Januari 2022 jumlah penumpang tercatat sebanyak 61.071 orang. *** Sumber: Antaranews

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rakatourandtravelcibubur · 2 years ago

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natasha-talks · 3 years ago

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The Relapse-

4th August 2021; Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

This is something that is so difficult for me to do. I don't even know how to construct a full sentence. I couldn't find the right word to describe what i'm feeling. Like a baby, who is not able to talk trying to tell her parents that she is in absolute pain - She cries.

I've been feeling this for about a month, i would say. But i kept on being in denial because i've been told so many times that everything is fine to a point i thought i was overthinking. But i'm turning 23 in 6 days and no, my intuitions are always right. Always.

Yesterday, the man that i love most finally said that it's not going to work out. It didn't kill me but something inside me died. It felt like someone poured salts all over your wounds. It was too painful because he gave up on us while i'm still here trying to understand and fix things. I was not sad that he's going to leave me because i understand that this ain't just about me, it's about him too. His feelings matter. But it killed me when he started disrespecting me with "What the hell?" "What the hell is wrong with you?" "Shhhhhhhit" and the list goes on. I have always looked up to him as someone who is mature but yesterday, i felt like i was talking to a different person. It's like i have never known him. I saw the look in his eyes and the only thing i could see was.. nothing. He looked at me as if i am the most horrible person in this world. But i let it slide because i know that he's been dealing with things and i really thought that i've been there for him but the truth is, i am stupid for thinking he would actually notice and appreciate the little things i've done for him when i have actually saw numerous signs that he's not that type. From the things he said about himself to the things he said about other people. It made me realise yesterday that it is a narcissistic behavior. But somehow, it still didn't change the amount of love that i have for him. Because i saw it. I saw it from the very beginning but i still chose him. I chose him, fully and i knew what i was signing up for.

He said that it's me. I am flawed, i know but it's not like i don't want to try and make things better. I kept on asking but i guess, that will never be enough. He said I treated him poorly by not giving comfort. I have told him to teach how he wanted it to be because my way of comforting is different and i have never dealt with people saying that i'm not a good listener or good at giving comfort. But yea, there are so many things that i've done but it will never be seen. I knew it for quite some time and yesterday, he proved me right again. It's when i said i do understand but he quickly cut me off by saying i don't and gave an example. You see, he would focus on the flaws instead of the good things i've done. He didn't notice that talking to him is like having to walk on eggshells. But i'm not complaining, i have never complained because again, i knew what i was signing up for and i love him still up until this very moment and i think i will always love him no matter what he puts me through because i really really let down my walls for this man when i have actually promised myself not to be with anyone. I even brought him back home to meet my parents. My mom was the one who told him that he's the first because i have never been that type.

Yesterday made me realise that he said everything is about me. At first, i almost fell for that but while i was busy crying, it actually made me realise that this relationship was not about me or us. It's about him. When he asked me what did i want him to do for me, i said "Im just looking for respect in this relationship" and he said he wants comfort and peace. He started listing out other things too. If i were to ask, there are so many things that i wanted but i never did because i really really accept him for the way he is. He never gave me comfort, it's always "It's okay, i'm here. We'll get through this together" -- I'm not complaining by the way. The comfort that i need is advise, is for someone to guide me when i'm wrong and have a discussion about it. But again, i have never complained. Whatever that he gave me, i accepted it and i do appreciate it. But it's sad. It's really sad that it's not the same for him.

He told me yesterday that i couldn't let go of my past. To be honest, i have never cared about the people from my past. He told me many times that its a new book and i started to view things differently. I started posting throwbacks when i saw it coming. One of my ways of coping to look back and remind myself that it's possible for me to be happy. Those were all me at my best and how i dealt with things. It got nothing to do about me wanting to be the old Natasha. Because the current Natasha is the one who made it through. Who has been clean for a year and a half. I am proud of her even when nobody else does because i know i did this on my own - of course, with the help of my friends and my extended family members. Arwah atuk left me last Ramadhan and my world changed. It felt like 2018 again. I miss him. I really really do because he gave me comfort that i couldn't have. A person that i can be vulnerable with without having the fear of being judged. But he's gone for good.

He told me yesterday that when things didn't go my way about the pasta panas, i started acting poorly. That was the first argument we had. He's not wrong, i did act poorly even when i know it's not his fault. I know he wants to put me on the good side. But that day, it really broke me because he actually said that he missed me, for the first time the day before and i was so excited to see him. It was never 100% about pasta panas? It's just me wanting to show him that i miss him too. I apologised but he brought it up again yesterday. He brought up so many things to a point i questioned myself, was he lying this whole time? Because he told me he forgave me and it's important to learn and grow.

That's the word. I want to grow and i know that i can always grow alone because i've been there, done that. But i chose to grow with this man because i may not know how to show it according to him, i love him with all of me. It hurts me soooooooooooo bad knowing that he's hurt. Because i never wanted to hurt him. That's why i kept my distance when we first started talking because i knew that i was not healed. I took my time to heal and i came back when i was ready even when i thought he was seeing someone else because of the story he posted. But i tried. I could have always date someone else but the reason why i chose him, it's not only because i thought he's smart. It's because i really prayed for signs and then 27th January came. Things didn't go like how we both expected but yea, i have never stopped praying and it's always him. The signs, it's always leading back to him.

Yesterday, it was the day when i cried the hardest because it was painful. Too painful even when i know i can always get over it but i have no idea, why.. it's painful. From 12pm i was crying over the phone with Danish because i knew somethings not right but he left me in the dark and i couldn't stand wondering what did i do. I couldn't talk to him because he made himself unavailable. Even when he's available, he would say that things were okay. It was never fair. Not for me and for anyone who was put in that situation. I could have done it to him a lot of times but never once it came across my mind to do that to him. I know i mentioned about red flags at the beginning of this post-- "You know it's going to hurt you so bad right when this relationship is over?", he's right. It will hurt me because i love him more but it's never right to say that as if i am not capable of fighting it. Plus, i've been through everything. It will hurt me like hell if this relationship is over but i hope Allah will give me the strength if the day comes. Nauzubillah min zalik. Something that i don't ever want to face is the day that i know it's not going to work out.

Yesterday, i have never prayed hard for things to go back the way it used to be or for things to get way better for the both us. I have never cried to a point i couldn't close my eyes because it's going to hurt my head so much and it felt like my eyes were burning but after an hour of struggling to sleep, i finally slept and i accidentally woke up at 1.52am. I tried sleeping back but i couldn't and at 2.05am, i decided to perform solat tahajjud. I googled how to perform solat tahajjud and i did it. It was my first solat tahajjud. I forgot to mention that, Asr, Maghrib, Isya' and tahajjud, i couldn't control my emotions because of the Kaaba on my praying mat, it reminded me of him. He planned to take me there with him after our nikah. He wants to perform umrah and Hajj with me as a husband and wife. I couldn’t help it. I felt so weak.

My last sujood for Subuh, i poured my heart out to Him. I was shaking, i couldn’t control my emotions. All the prayers i made yesterday, it was all just for us. Not for me, just us. I really really want this to work out and i know that only He can change this. I poured my heart out on the praying mat for Him to soften both of our hearts, for Him to shower us with comfort and peace, for Him to protect us from the evil eye, shaytan, iblis, humans and unwanted diseases, for Him to ease our journey and bless our relationship as we want to make this halal, for Him to shower us with endless rizq and success, for Him to make us a better Muslim, for Him to protect us from the hellfire and place us in the highest rank of Jannah. The rest, it’s between me and Him. I prayed really hard for this.

But hey! Look on the bright side, i performed my first tahajjud. While i was crying to Him, a thought came to me.. Maybe this is a way for Him to remind me that He can give everything that i need, something that i’ve been praying for and He can also take everything away from me in a blink of an eye if i do not practice myself as a good Muslim. Maybe this is a test for me and for him for us to grow stronger and wiser. Suddenly, there’s a voice inside my head telling me to have patience because this is shaytan’s doing. They do know that we want to make things halal and that’s something that they hate so they have made a promise to create chaos in our heads and turn us against each other, in the end, everything will be ruined. I am a firm believer that Allah is the only Protector and He will protect us from all of these.

This test is not only to test our faith but it is also to test our patience. I almost gave up but i did not. No matter what he puts me through, i signed up for this and after all the things we’ve been through, i still choose to look at him the same way as i did at the very beginning. He hurt me but it doesn’t that he’s the only one. I hurt him too and i wish to stop, that’s why i kept on asking in order to make this work. Leaving was never an option for me because no matter what, i don’t want to make it a habit because this habit, it will be carried until marriage. When things get rough, you fix and work together against it, not leave. What will happen to the kids if we are unable to control our emotions? I am tired of always being the bigger person and still, not be seen because i do realise that i am surrounded by so many people with a slight narcissistic attitude or worst, some are just purely narcissists.

For this man, he’s not. I don’t blame him. I’ve been telling myself that maybe he is so used to being in a bubble where all of the people around him would always make him feel good and he would always feel like he needs to be good. Maybe i’m wrong and this will probably offend him but i don’t sugar coat things to make someone feel good. But that’s the thing, your partner shouldn’t be the kind of person who needs to always sugar coat things, your partner should be the one who would remind you and slap you with reality. You will never grow if you’re so comfortable not having people going against you, you will never grow if you cannot accept opinions and only want the things that you want without thinking about other people. Relationships should be about two people compromising. I used to do that to people and at the end, they felt so powerful and they threw me away as if i was nothing because they thought they could get everything. Oh by the way, i’m not comparing. He’s not even in the category to be compared with. He told me that i need to do a lot of learning and i admit that but i think he needs it too because the he projects his issues, that’s not the way it should be. Those words, the way he listens- defensive listening, the body language and so many more. It’s a learning process.

5.07pm; I stopped crying because i know that this is what the shaytan would be so happy about. Filled myself with rage, sadness and thoughts i shouldn’t have. But i know i’ve been here for too many times and it is so stupid of me if i would react the same way. I’ve learned a lot and i won’t repeat the same mistakes again.

For now, i’m counting days until Allah grants all of my prayers about us.

I miss him but i respect his space. I know he’s okay without me, this is test for me to fight alone.

Lots of love,

NNS.

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