#janine 'i used to tell my mom what i wanted her to say to me as a child' teagues receiving a genuine compliment from barbara

[murcielagatito]

janine would straight up start crying if barbara said anything genuinely sweet to her lbr

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires - Part 15

Joe Goldberg x female!Reader

Summary: Twenty minutes before he would have met Guinevere Beck, Joe meets you instead. You intruige him, but it will soon become clear that there is something off about you.

Words: 1388

Masterlist

Warning!! You guys are going to love me for this one. Or hate me. Lol.

You are not the first woman I've had to kill for.

Candace had lots of male friends, and at one point or another, they all tended to get too close to her. But she liked it, and she was sad when they died. She blamed herself and asked stupid questions like: “why does everybody around me get hurt, Joe?”

You are stronger than Candace. You recognize how bad Jasper was, and you are not sad. You don't ask stupid questions, either. You just shrug after you tell me your coworker died and say “he kind of had a drug problem, so…”

And that is that.

You are not fighting with your grandparents anymore, but now you're fighting with your mom. When I come over, you're usually in a bad mood and no amount of me trying to make you feel better helps, because you don't want to feel better. You want to be angry.

“What?” you snap at me when I tell you to put on your jacket. “I don't want to go out, Joe.”

“C'mon,” I say, trying to stay calm. “We're going for a walk.”

I'm lucky you like to be told to do things, even when you're angry. Other women might have fought me, but you put on your jacket. You're basically steaming out of your ears, you're so mad, but you go with me.

You don't ask me where we're going when I hail us a cab. You're trying to stonewall me again, but this time I won't let you.

This time, I think I really have found something that might help.

Here's something I've learned about you, (Y/n): your emotions hit you like a freight train. When you're anxious, you don't know what to do with yourself, so you rearrange all your furniture. When you're happy, you sing and you dance. People like you usually have the most destructive anger, and you know that, so you turn it all inwards and shut people out.

Other people would try to blow off steam with sex, but you've convinced yourself that even after nearly three months of dating, it's still too soon for us. You told Grey about it a while ago, which is good because it means you're finally ready to tell the important people in your life that we're together (you also, finally, told Nadia).

But also, (Y/n), I'm going a little bit insane.

I have to blow off steam, too, you know?

There's a derelict building in Bed-Stuy. When walking past it, you might just assume that it's sitting empty. But no. It's owned by a friend of Mr. Mooney's, and it's a legitimate business.

You're suspicious when I try to lead you inside, but then a woman opens the door for us and you relax a little.

The woman greets us happily. She introduces herself as Janine and tells you she loves your top. She's thirty and bottle blond and wears a lot of pastels. I can tell you want to throttle her, but you thank her instead.

Janine leads us to a room which is set up just like a regular office, and hands you a baseball bat.

You look at me blankly.

“What is this, Joe?”

“Well,” I say, as Janine hands me a baseball bat as well. “It's a rage room.”

“A what?”

Maybe they don't have rage rooms in The Netherlands, or maybe you've just never been to one.

“A rage room,” I repeat. “It's a place where you can go to destroy things.”

“You guys have an hour,” Janine tells me happily, and then she leaves.

We're alone and you're still not getting it. You follow me into the room, but you don't know what to do with yourself. I'm going to have to get this thing started.

I lift the baseball bat in my hands, feeling its heft. It's not one of those cheap plastic ones, but real, solid wood like the one I keep under the counter at Mooney's. You could really hurt someone with this.

I throw all my weight as I swing the bat. You gasp when the desk lamp shatters.

“Like that,” I say.

I can see the wheels inside your brain turning. I'd love to know what you're thinking right now. You've never seen me do anything violent, so maybe you're trying to process that. Or maybe you're just trying to process the fact that I expect you to destroy things.

You lift the bat. You look at it like it's an alien.

Then, you swing it, and the analog computer screen crashes to the floor.

You like it.

You are smiling and the desk is next. You tell me to help you and we go at it together, hitting the cheap wooden furniture until it splits right down the middle. I throw a chair at the wall, you swing at the corner table. We both leave the bookcase in the corner alone, though. We would never destroy books. We're better than that.

You look beautiful when you're violent.

Your hair is flying around and at some point, you take off your jacket. There is a drop of sweat running down your collarbone until it disappears into your tank top, right between your boobs. There is even some dirt on your forehead, I don't know where it came from.

Then, you're done and you see me watching you. You drop the baseball bat and you rush me. For a moment, I think you might even hit me. My head is still in that place. But of course you don't.

You put your hands on my cheeks and I wrap my arms around your waist and drop my bat, too, and it clatters to the floor loudly.

Did I tell you you're a fast learner, (Y/n)? You are so good at kissing, now. You know exactly what I like and I know exactly what you like. When we kiss, it's electric, and that's not just because we're both sweaty and out of breath and ready to blow off even more steam.

Your hips are pressed into mine and you can tell I'm hard, but you don't pull away from me. You let me push you against the wall and kiss and bite your neck. You moan. You're not sure what to do with your hands so you grab my shoulders, and you bring your leg up so it's rubbing me through my jeans.

I really think you might let me fuck you right here, in this room that we just laid waste to together. But then, the worst thing that has ever happened to any man ever, happens to me.

A flash of lightning. I groan. I hide my face against your neck in embarrassment.

You are quiet. You're not sure what just happened.

“Did you just…?”

Of course I just. It's been so long, (Y/n). I should have known this would happen the second you put your hands on me.

“Joe?”

“I'm sorry,” I say.

I'm not sorry. This is kind of your fault. But what else do I say when I just came in my jeans like a high school boy?

You take a deep breath. Then, you laugh.

You're laughing at me. I've ruined everything.

“Oh, my God,” you say. “I've never made a guy come before.”

You're not laughing at me. You're laughing at yourself - at the power you have over me. I pull away from you and you're smiling, and then you kiss me again. Slow and sweet this time.

“Next time,” you whisper, “you're going to be inside me when that happens.”

I could get hard again right now. I really could.

But our hour is almost up. I don't want Janine to come in here and find us fucking against the wall. And, really, now that I'm thinking more clearly… I don't want our first time together to be like this. I don't want your first time to be like this.

“Can't wait,” I say.

The cab ride back to your apartment, and then mine, is the most uncomfortable I've ever been. I'm glad when I can change out of my dirty clothes. But it was worth it because You've never made a guy come before.

I was your first. I will be your first.

And it will be soon.

[angelflungoutofspace]

abbott elementary season 3 ep 1 & 2 REVEIWWWWW

idk why but I thought y'all might wanna hear what I thought about the season premierrrrrr!!!! it was so good and so chaotic. so many things going on at once.

when Janine walked out and revealed as district, I HAD A HEART ATTACK. but then the context helped. im just a little confused because didn't the Manny the district guy say Janine could go back into her class 1-2 days out of the week to teach?? or was it just to go around about hearing feedback?? it was so sad to see Janine's kids not caring about her presence and the super mean substitute. But, that one little boy, Alex, made my heart just warm!!!! It just reminded Janine why she's doing what she's doing!!!

omg and Janine and Gregory?? the way Janine HAD THE CONFIDENCE to go talk to Gregory about her feelings at the beginning of the school year??? like where did that bravery come out of, and she handled the rejection so well. like honey. I would have DIED. but also.... the way Gregory just... moved on???? well, I get why. bro has to protect himself, but like come on greggy boy, don't tell me YOU DONT just feel a little of love for Janine???? but I love the way writers handled it at the end. they didn't leave the awkwardness for the season and that is something I APPRECIATE. and at least we know that Gregory and Janine still want to be friends and still miss each other platonically.

am I being paranoid for being scared of Manny the district guy???? Like my boy Jacob had a point. Manny WAS giving me some crush vibes and it doesn't help how nice and genuine he is. LIKE IM LITERALLY FALLING FOR HIM. and his mom was a teacher??? I would love to see him more, but just not as another pawn in Janine and Gregory's relationship. but, I knowwwww better. and my girl QUINTAAAA will make us wait.

I think Janine is getting really confortable and friendly with the district crew and it's kind of scary me because if she gets TOO comfortable, she won't want to leave. I think when the fellowship ends, they'll offer her a permanent spot on the team and she'll want to take it but still teach at abbott.

Barbara was so cute this episode, with her makeup. and with how honest she was to the district. as some who works at a high school and has been dealing with a particularly horrible district and administration, Barbaras words hit too close to home. but she realized that the whole district team is essentially just 4 Janines with the power and position to make things happen. and I think she's really opening up to relying on the district more.

omg my girl Melissa. honey., I was so scared every time Gary made a marriage joke. and when he proposed I HAD A HEART ATTACK AND FOR A SPLIT SECOND I THOUGHT MELISSA WAS GONNA SAY YES and the rest of the season would be wedding planning. but as embarrassing and heartbreaking as it was for Melissa, she stayed true to herself and was mature to end the relationship. and my girl just crying made me cryyyyy omg. she looks so sad even though she was the one to break up with Gary, AND I KNOWWWWWW SHE'LL STILL BE HEALING. I don't think this is the last well see of Gary since he goes to the school every Thursday, but I think it'll be the end of their relationship permanently. but now that Melissa knows fs was wants to date and knows she doesn't wanna get married, I think she's gonna be in her exploration phase. HOEEEEE PHASSEEEE. god please send Melissa a gay awakening PLEASEEEEE. she needs a rebound and no better rebound than a woman. that would be so fun and so true to her.

but yeah thats all I think so far. and it was a great epsidose and a great start to an already unpredictable season!!!

[miss-inkwell]

I would definitely chalk this episode off as a character and ship development one! My poor baby Janine was hurt but the comfort afterwards was worth it but let’s start at the beginning. Janine is struggling with a problem kid who won’t listen after she tries multiple times to help so she decides to talk to the parent. I love that she wants to seek out a solution that’s what a good teacher does. I also love that Gregory knew about this and they still have their mini conversations via the knock. Since everyone knows they like each other it’s prime teasing material which is so funny. “No love here” sure keep telling yourself that.

That later leads us the the conversation with Cassandra the parent and oh it was rough. Janine approached the situation as well as she could by saying he’s been causing problems but they’re a team and they can help. Cassandra missed the point entirely and blew up at her when this could have been and excellent moment to see how they could guide him. She was really harsh and had no right to call her a bad teacher! I was so sad for Janine in this moment.

This honestly is another great character moment for Janine even though I hate that she had to cry. Janine puts a lot of stock in perfection and doing good so to hear someone put her down is hard.

This leads us to an excellent Teddie moment where Janine is crying in her classroom and Gregory finds her. I love how soft he is with her you know seeing her sad is breaking his heart. I wish he would of hugged her than but I loved that he put his hands on her shoulders. Even though he comforted her he felt like he made it worse and wasn’t a big help.

He actually was a huge help though because he knows what she needs is her work mom. The cherry on top of that Teddie moment is that he still said he would be there for her before he left. They have my whole heart 🥰

This next part is a great work mom and daughter moment Barbara has a lot of experience with this stuff. I love how she goes out and asks her if she thinks she’s a bad teacher and how Janine isn’t even sure anymore because Cassandra destroyed her with those words. It was really such a teachable moment because sadly teachers have been through this. They’ve dealt with mean parents and people saying terrible and wonderful things. Telling her to pick herself up is great advice along with reassuring her that she does not always have the answer to take away the perfect view Janine has of her. It’s a great lesson for her that coming back to work ready to do her job is success is what will help her in the end. Barbara is the mother Janine always needed and I’m happy that even though Barbara is annoyed by her at times she is there for in moments like these. This dynamic will shine through next week in the mom episode which I definitely think will parallel.

Another scene I loved was when Gregory was making his speech about the teachers and how great they are. He may have said teachers but I know he was talking about Janine because he looked directly at her when she walked in. Not to mention how she is the whole reason why he’s full time and how he grew to be a good teacher in the first place. I would love a moment where he says that to her “you made me a better teacher which made me a better man you mean a lot to me” that would pretty much be a love confession and I would squeal. Now that the events of them dating other people are done and they’re somewhat over the awkwardness of the kiss they’re now back to their usual heart eyes. They’re back to normal but I love that everyone is teasing them now lol. I definitely think it’ll take time for them to get together but they are in a good place. Next episode will be an emotional one due to Janine’s mom coming and I wonder and hope Gregory and Barbara will be there for her. Great episode love the character and ship development

[inevitablemoment]

When They Point To The Pictures [ch. 2]

Word Count: 731

Warnings: Estrangement, broken friendships, feelings of betrayal, brief reference to notorious mass suicide, referenced PTSD, fear of dogs, past panic attack

Fandom: Ghostbusters

Pairings: Peter Venkman x Dana Barrett, Egon Spengler x Cathleen Paige

I love writing Mom!Dana. And it’s not just because Sigourney Weaver is Mother.

Enjoy!

————————

“Hey, Mom?” the voice of her oldest son interrupted her as she was tuning up her cello.

“Yes, Oscar? What is it?” Dana asked, setting her instrument and bow aside.

“Why don’t Uncle Egon and Auntie Cath come around anymore?” Oscar asked.

Dana looked at her son, wondering where this had come from. He had stopped asking questions about Egon and Cathleen less than a year after they had left for God only knew where, so she and Peter hadn’t anticipated it coming up again anytime soon.

“Even after we moved here, Uncle Ray and Aunt Willow still visit with Addison and Natalie, and even Uncle Winston and Aunt Tiyah come sometimes,” Oscar explained. “But... you told me that Uncle Egon and Aunt Cath moved really far away, with Aunt Janine and Uncle Louis.”

Then, he asked the question that even though she thought that she knew the answer, she still asked herself every single time she thought of them.

“Why did they leave?”

Dana sighed, moving onto the couch and taking Oscar into her lap-- something that she hadn’t done since before she was pregnant with Kelly. Oscar had been so insistent that he was too old to sit on his mother’s lap, but he wasn’t fighting her over it right now.

“Oscar, it’s... it’s a little complicated,” she tried that for a beginning.

Oscar sighed. “Mom, that’s what grown-ups always say when they don’t want to talk about something.”

“No, I do want to talk,” Dana told him. “You see... about a year after your cousin Marie was born, the both of them and your Aunt Janine started talking about these... nightmares that they’d been having. And over that time until Andrew and Addison were born, they started to... believe some things that were pretty... pretty...”

“Like that cult last year that killed themselves?” Oscar asked.

Dana winced, remembering how Oscar and Andrew had accidentally caught glimpses of the news coverage of the Heaven’s Gate cult’s mass suicide.

“No,” she quickly answered. “Not like a cult. But, they were starting to scare us. And... you know how I told you about how I met Dad? And how that’s why I get nervous around big dogs?”

“Yeah,” Oscar nodded.

“Well, Uncle Egon started to say some things that reminded me of that,” Dana explained. “And I started to have an anxiety attack, and your father got mad at him for causing it. He did apologize, but... the next day, they were gone. Cath left a note, but she didn’t tell us where they went.”

She purposely omitted how immediately after her panic attack, Cathleen had gone to Ray and Willow’s place to confront them on how they didn’t believe Egon, and she and Willow had gotten into a physical fight.

“So they left... like my birth dad,” Oscar said it as if it were plain as day. “I’m mad at them.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be alone,” Dana remarked.

“Is that why their pictures were taken out of my baby book?”

Dana nodded. “Yeah. Your-- your dad and Uncle Ray were so mad at them that they wanted to forget that they ever knew them, so... that’s exactly what they tried to do.”

She took a deep breath.

“Oscar... I don’t blame you if you want to be mad at Uncle Egon and Aunt Cath,” Dana said. “But, they were still a big part of our lives. When I was having a hard time taking care of you, they did step up to help me. And they helped me save you. If it weren’t for them... you wouldn’t be you anymore. You wouldn’t have grown into this amazing boy that you are, and I’m grateful for that. But it still doesn’t excuse how much they’ve hurt us. So, if you want to be mad at them, you can.”

Oscar nodded. “Okay.”

“But, remember... by forgiving them, that makes you the better person,” Dana told him.

“Okay.”

The door opened, and Peter walked in. Like Pavlov’s dog, Kelly recognized the sound all the way from where she had been playing and stumbled into the living room on her tiny legs to greet him as she squealed with delight. Andrew rushed downstairs, too.

“Hey, Osco,” Peter greeted. “So, you and Mom talking about something?”

Oscar looked down at his hands before looking up at his father again. “No, just... just talking about nothing.”

[robbybirdy]

48. Baking therapy on a budget Ft. Genshin Characters: Ninnguang - Zucchini Bread

Hello, Every birdy. Today we are making a staple breakfast/Dessert, at least in my family. There are many different recipes for zucchini bread. I usually make the Betty Crocker recipe that my mom has made for years. 

The character in question for this recipe is Ningguang (Ning-gwang). She is the head of government personnel in Liyue.   She says that her favorite food is something like soup or stew. I know nothing like this bread. But then she also states that she likes simple staple foods. So I was racking my brain trying to figure out what a staple dessert would be for our family. And I figured it was either going to be brownies or zucchini bread.

This recipe comes from one of my cookbook from my collection. The recipe will be in the description down below. Feel free to check it out for yourself. 

You will need:

3 eggs

1 cup oil 

2 ½ cups zucchii that has been grated

3 teaspons vanilla 

1 ½ cups sugar

3 cups flour

3 teaspoons cinnamon 

½ teaspoon baking powder 

½ teaspoon nutmeg

¼ teaspoon cloves

½ cup chopped walnuts (optional) 

½ cup chocolate chips, also optional but also very good

Once you get all of your ingredients together you are going to preheat your oven to 350. 

Next, you will want to beat your eggs until they are foamy. This takes about 1-2 minutes.

Add the oil, sugar, and grated zucchini to your egg mixture. 

In a small bowl, you are going to sift all the dry ingredients together and then mix together in small batches to the egg zucchini batter. 

Once the batter is just combined, pour it into two greased and floured loaf pans. 

Bake them for 45 to 50 minutes or until the bread is firm. 

This recipe was very easy to understand, and not complicated at all. And everyone was telling me that this was the recipe that they want me to use for a while. Because it tasted very good. It definitely wasn’t the fact that this bread had chocolate chips in it. 

I hope that you liked this recipe. Feel free to check out the recipe in the description down below. Thank you. See you in the next recipe. 

Pinterest: Here

Recipe: Here

"Mom's Zucchini Bread" - Janine: Recipe via A Taste of Hope -A community cookbook to Benefit the Extreme Hope Project, Rochester, New york

Ingredients

3 Eggs

1 cup oil

2 1/2 cups zucchini grated

3 teaspons vanilla

1 1/2 cups sugar

3 cups flour

1 teaspon baking soda

3 teaspoons cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

I added 1/4 teaspoon of cloves because zucchini bread needs cloves

1/2 cup chopped walnuts

1/2 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Beat eggs until foamy. Add oil, sugar, and grated zucchini. Sift all dry ingredients together. Then mix small amounts at a time to egg the zucchini batter. Pour into two greased and flour loaf pans. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes or until firm.

[pleasureactivismreview]

"Raising Sexually Liberated Kids" - Janine de Novais

in this piece, Novais writes about her experience raising her son in a sexually liberated way, keeping open and honest communication about sex, providing love and support, and giving autonomy to her son.

this post will be a bit of a love letter to my mom, who did an absolutely fantastic job raising my brother and me in sexually liberated ways. because of her, i can happily say that i have felt like i've always had a place to explore sexuality in safe and liberated ways. i think raising kids like this is so important, because sex is such a crucial aspect to so many peoples' lives and removing shame and embracing a healthy attitude towards sex improves their relationship to it.

when it comes to gender, my mom raised my brother and me in a very gender neutral way, which i think is impressive considering the time. one of the things she did that always stuck out was that she provided us both with toys made for both genders. she allowed us to choose what toys we were interested in, and she always kept the option for us to get toys of the opposite gender. she also made sure to break down many of the harmful gender norms. for example, i am a very sensitive person and am incredibly in tune with my emotions, and my mom made sure to make me feel normal for being like that. she normalized breaking away from strict norms. i even remember watching America's Next Top Model and i wanted to dress up like one of the models and be pretty. she had no objections to this, and happily got me dressed. she also painted my nails, all of this in a way that removed any gendered norms in the clothing or personality.

my mom was also great at explaining sexuality to me, allowing me to explore, while also educating me in a proper way. similar to Novais, when i started playing with myself, she gently explained that i should do that in privacy, being open to questions if i had them. she always made sure that i knew the proper terminology for genitals to ensure that i was educated and not clueless. when i began to ask questions about sex, she would always answer with the proper information, of course always relevant to my age, and she wouldn't shy away from answering things. she also took away any shame towards sex, telling me that the feelings or thoughts i experienced were natural, and that i shouldn't be ashamed of sexuality. all of this helped culminate a sexual liberation for me. i learned properly and with acceptance of sexuality, and this greatly impacted how i've experienced and approached sex through my life.

[murcielagatito]

okay lemme see if i can make my thoughts coherent abt this i think ive talked about it before in my tags but never frfr ion think. i had to stick with just the janine and barbara thing bc it got too long already 😭 (lemme know if u want more avanine breakdown tho LMAO) this got really rambly and i repeated stuff several times so my bad

the thing with janine is she tells us over and over again how neglected she was in her childhood. its revealed that she used to literally tell her mom the things she wanted to hear from her (and all her mom did was play on janines gameboy and not listen) in the pilot and then we get the exchange of her doing that exact thing towards barbara with one of the lines being “youre so lovely” in which by the end of her monologue she realizes what she has done in horror as she notices the way barbara looks at her and makes a hasty exit. barbara is clearly off put by janine and we know that bc she tells her that janines emails go straight to her spam (lie)

a big tell about janines childhood is in new tech when she says “there was a great website called AtoZOneTwoThree that thaught me how to read when i was a kid. my parents certainly werent around to do it. i had to potty train myself”

which in turn makes the reason why she sees barbara as a mother figure that much more heartbreaking. from the start of her life she quite literally had nobody but other teachers as parental figures who expressed that she needed more friends as a child. and the fact that barbara is a kindergarten teacher (which is one of the first times a child will have a new parental figure in their life) probably adds to the fact that janine views her with such esteem

barbara is all the best parts of a mother janine didnt receive in her childhood:

janine taught herself how to read; barbara is the frontline of children learning how to read

janine potty trained herself; while children usually already know how to use the bathroom on their own its not always the case and the ones that need it get help so theres no doubt this is something barbara has had to help with herself

in gifted program she states “i loved the gifted program i was in growing up. i learned so much and those experiences were priceless” shes already shown that she was adept at learning quickly on her own and so of course she would be in this program. a place in which she would get more attention from teachers and also learn more as she was not being taught things in her own home. she was a brilliant kid just neglected by those she needed most in her life. her parents

teachers and the gifted program also probably contributed to her love of teaching which in turn is why she became a teacher and who she is. sporting a kindness necklace as a mantra to herself to show others the kindness she herself didn’t recieve properly as a child

which in turn leads us to open house. this is the most blatant episode that shows just how deeply she cares for and admires barbara.

“barbara is my mentor. and you know what? shes kinda like my mom. shes my momtor.”

the whole episode shes seeking out barbara so she can get help on how to talk to a parent whom she assumes is like her own mother and neglectful of her child. shes upset about this bc she doesnt want her student to suffer through the same things she did as a child because she knows how smart her kid is.

when barbara goes “there you are! i have been looking forward to seeing you all day!” with such warmth in her voice, and janine goes “wow, this is my dream” and then it turns out barbara was talking to taylor which gets a small disheartening“oh” from janine. and then the hug in which janine thought was meant for her but is literally skirted by inches as barbara goes and hugs taylor (honestly fuck this scene so much 😭)

the episode alone is just a cacophony of janine seeing barbara and taylors relationship and even though its far from perfect its so much better than the one janine has with her own mother. the almost hugs throughout the series and especially the ones in this episode alone allude to another facet of janine not only being emotionally neglected but being physically neglected as well. (the way i also have things to say about her relationship with tariq on this one pero anyways)

TAYLOR FUCKING ADMITS THAT JANINE IS THE EXACT KIND IF DAUGHTER THAT BARBARA WISHES SHE HAD and its so weird because so far we as viewers are convinced barbara just thinks janine is weird/annoying

when janine states that shes the only one that probably understood taylor and babaras issues beat and that she could help and then walks in on a literal model perdect moment of barbara telling taylor she loves her and is proud of her. FUCK. janine backs out slowly because she knows this isnt something she should interrupt but also she just wishes those words were something she had received from her own mother and it is SO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING.

and then we just see her messaging her mom which often goes unanswered for long periods of time and this time was no exception

and then we finally see janine break. (arent you tired of being nice? dont you want to go apeshit?) which we as viewers understand why she did but then we quickly learn the truth and janine is so ashamed. and of all the people in the world, she gets a hug from a prent she just met and god what another just heartbreaking moment as she says she thinks she needed it as she holds on to this stranger.

a stranger brought her comfort imagine what a friend or mentor could do for her ;-;

at the end of the episode we see barbara finally make plans with janine. this entire episode (and the way that barbara and melissa go to comfort janine in the pilot makes me even more pissed about how they talk about her in sick day) was so pivotal to how janine and barbara perceive eachother going forward. barbara acknowledges and accepts that janine needs someone like her in her life and janine acknowledges that she does get a bit too enthusiastic in regards to barbara and makes an attempt to dial it down

sorry it got so long i probably spiraled off somewhere anyways TLDR janine has had a fucked up ass childhood and despite it all has done everything in her power to be the sweetest kindest person she can be even though i would have turned into a villain if i was her

I’m re-watching “Open House” for fic purposes and I have to pause every two minutes for the secondhand embarrassment gjsjwjsjssn.

[hikarimiyanaga]

Loving You (Part 4)

Part 1 I Part 2 I Part 3

I want to celebrate since I just finished another exam... there are more to come but Wanda comes first so here's an update.

Warning : Omegaverse. Beta!Reader x Omega!Wanda Maximoff. Curse Words. Mentions of Bullying. S*x Talk.

Also, just tell me if I need to add more warnings so I can edit as quickly as I can.

Taglist : @mitchiesdungeon / @upsidedowndanvers

You wake up with a startle and pant. You flinch at the sound of your loud alarm and see that it was right next to your pillow.

“Jesus, what the fuck?” You took your phone and open it. You see the messages between you and Wanda. You grin and charge it before getting ready for school. Both of your parents note your chippy behavior as oppose to your usual calm.

“Morning, Ma, Mom!” You greet and grin as you get your breakfast. You eat quickly and get your bag with your phone on it. You put on your jacket and smile as you wave them goodbye.

-

You yawn as you trudge the halls, now on a mission. You see Wanda and notice that even though there is no scent coming from her, she’s not wearing a jacket. You take off yours and smile as you approach her.

“Y/N!” She smiles and you offer up your jacket.

“Want to-“ She takes it before you could finish and puts it on. “put it on?” She sniffs it and nods.

“I really like your scent.” You blush and your heart beat faster at her words. She smiles and takes your hand. “Thanks for the jacket.” You gulp and nod as she drags you to your own locker. You get your books from your locker when someone closes it with force. You manage to keep it open but glare at the owner of the hand. Janine. You get Wanda behind you.

“Y/LN.” She says and you roll your eyes. You get the last book from your locker and lock it.

“What the fuck do you want? Rumlow’s scent isn’t enough? Fucking him isn’t doing it anymore?” Janine glares and pushes you but you stay firm. Determined in not letting her get closer to Wanda.

“Shut the fuck up, Y/LN. You fucking Beta.” Wanda glares at Janine as Angel and Pietro go to her. They stop Wanda before she does something to Janine. You roll your eyes and sigh.

“Just say it and get it over with.”

“My friend, Nina is on your AP Class.” You raise an eyebrow as the said girl is dragged by Janine to you.

“So? The fuck that-“

“She needs to copy your homework. We were busy with practice and she hasn’t done it.” You look at Nina.

“What homework? Which class?”

“Um… Latin? The research one?” You scoff and shake your head.

“The one where I spent days on? The one where I had to hole myself up in the library? No fucking way. I can help with references but that’s it.”

“Oh? Really? That will be-“ Janine pushes Nina out of the way and grabs your collar. You make a face as you can practically smell her heat. Jesus, what the fuck? Compared to Wanda’s cinnamon and citrus scent. Janine’s overwhelming heat scent disgusts you. You gag and turn away.

“What the fuck, Rivera?” You open your locker and snatches a bottle from the box and hold it out to her. “At least do something about your scent! It’s making me want to vomit!” Janine growls and tries to grab you again but you dodge her. She faceplants into the ground and everyone gasps. You give the bottle to her friend and you get a piece of paper from your notebook. You write the references and give it to Nina as Janine groans and some of her goons help her stand. You sigh as she glares at you.

“T-thanks.” Nina manages to get out before running away. Janine growls and you roll your eyes.

“Want to get raped on the street? Used by asshole Alphas that have nothing better to do than prey on Omegas like you? Omegas who like to flaunt that they’re in heat and therefore can’t stop their primal instincts?” She stops and you get the bottle from her friend. You hold it out and she stares at it. “If no, then take this and spray it on yourself. I swear to god, your scent is overwhelming.”

“Rumlow wi-“

“You sure?” You cross your arms and sigh. You take her hand and put the bottle on it. “Spray it if you’re not. Trust me.” You turn and hold Wanda’s hand and you both leave as everyone just stares at you. You yawn again as you get to your first class.

-

Lunch comes and Wanda was waiting for you by the courtyard. You try to greet her but she glares at you.

“Why did you help her?” You raise an eyebrow… is she jealous? And who? You tilt your head and she scoffs.

“Who?”

“Janine.” Ah. Your bully. The one who tried to ruin your life on several occasions but never succeeded.

“Ah.” You shrug. “I meant what I said. Omegas should get help when they’re in need.”

“She-“ You hug her and smile as her scent and yours combine and hit your nose. You like this combination. You rub her back in comfort and she clings to you. You hum and carry her to the bench. You kiss her forehead and sit besides her. You take her hand and kiss it.

“Wanda. I won’t ever stop even if a person did bad things to me. Omegas deserve to be treasured. It’s unfair that they’re the only ones who get heat. That you suffer for it. So even if Janine did bully me doesn’t mean I won’t help her.” She sighs and hugs you. You rub her back.

“Why are you so nice?” You chuckle.

“I’m not nice… just.” You pull away and you get the lunch you brought for the both of you. “Let’s eat?” She knows you’re avoiding the question but shrugs it off. You’ll tell her when the time comes.

-

You’re in your final class and just like yesterday, Angel sat besides you.

“And so the project for our midterms will be in pairs.” You can hear several groans but you and Angel stay quiet. “Y/LN and Garcia.” You both turn to the professor. “You can both do it so-“

“No.” You both reject the idea and shake your heads. The professor sighs but relents.

“Okay. Dismissed.” You gather your things and Angel waits up. You stand and look at her as she holds her hand out.

“Partners?” You and Angel are the top students of this class, no doubt, so it seemed cheating to the others if your partnered up… But she’s the only one willing to pair up with you so accept it. Everyone else is either an Alpha or Omega and you’re the only Beta in this class… in Any AP class, for that matter. You take her hand and shake it.

“Deal.”

“Baby.” Natasha calls out and you both turn to her. You both go outside. Angel hugs Natasha as you get your phone out.

“Put in your number so we-“ Before you could finish, Natasha has already pushed Angel behind her and is growling at you. You raise an eyebrow and Angel can’t decide if your stupid or brave… or both… tired can be there too. It’s a known fact throughout the school that you don’t mess with any of the Avengers because of their families and each other.

“BACK OFF.” Natasha’s voice can be heard by everyone and they all stop and stare as you sigh. This is one of the things that you hate. Having attention when it’s not at all needed. You try to look at Angel but Natasha pushes her away from your line of sight.

“Romanoff, this is for our big project.” You try to reason, she still is an Alpha and you would probably break several… many bones if she did attack you. Your eye twitch as she doesn’t move. “The one where at least a quarter of our grade rides on?” She’s still growling and you groan. You couldn’t stop yourself as you cursed. “FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” No one has ever heard you shout before. Not the angry one, at least. Not even your siblings or parents did. You avoided being angry because you knew it would make the worst of yourself to come. They all flinch and Natasha gulps. Angel holds Natasha’s hand and gets to her side. “I’m not stealing Angel! She’s all yours!” You run a hand through your hair. You turn away and take deep breaths to calm yourself down. Angel pulls Natasha away and approaches you.

“Y/N.” You turn to Angel with a glare but she doesn’t get fazed and she holds out her hand. “Your phone.” You give it to her and she quickly saves her number. “Text me.” You nod and she leaves with Natasha. You sigh as you leave for the library. Everyone else disperses but with more murmurs.

Wanda spots you as you enter the library. Thankfully, with no Angel around but you seem tense. You sigh as you sit beside her.

“Are you-“ She didn’t even get to finish before you cling to her arm. You breathe in her scent and you already feel calmer. You smile as you let her presence wash over you.

“Sorry. Need to calm down.” Wanda nods and you relax as you breathe her in. After a few more minutes you pull away and sigh.

“What happened?” You groan as you put your arms on the table and lean on it.

“Natasha got jealous because I was getting Angel’s number.” Wanda tenses and you flick her forehead. “Because of a project. Don’t get jealous too.”

“Oh. What did you do?”

“Got angry and yelled.” She raises an eyebrow and closes her book.

“And?” She’s curious now.

“It’s not something I usually do.” You answer simply and look away. It was something you didn’t like talking about and Wanda picked up on it.

“Ah. Are you okay now?” You nod and smile at her.

“Thank you, Wanda.” She smiles and kisses your hand.

“You’re welcome.”

-

You hum as you get inside your house. You would stay up all night reading but you remember you made plans for tomorrow.

“You seem in a good mood.” You turn and see… both Valerie and Alsie eating with your parents. The hell are they doing here? On a Friday, no less? The hell is going on?

“Al? What?”

“Came to visit, sis. Hey.” Alsie waves at you and you nod.

“And Val?”

“Came back too. I kinda forgot something.” You sigh as you realize.

“You know.” They all flinch and look away from you. You run a hand through your hair. “How?” They all look at Valerie who groans.

“I was going to pick you up so we can follow Ma and Mom on the fancy restaurant when that girl asked… no demanded.”

“Her name is Wanda. And yes, we’re going on a date tomorrow.” Alsie cheers and you shake your head. You go to your room to change. You get down and you see that all of them are looking at you so you tell them all about her.

How she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. How her scent and presence can calm you right down. How she’s a reader like you. How you can talk to her about everything.

“When are we going to meet her?” Alsie asks and you choke on your dinner. Val chuckles and Zale glares at her as Dahlia helps you.

“Why?”

“Because? First friend and possibly girlfriend. Maybe even soulmate.”

“How do you know?” You ask and Alsie raises an eyebrow at your question.

“Know what?”

“That a person is your soulmate?” Valerie groans and Zale smacks her in the head. Alsie smiles at you.

“Simply put, sex.” Zale shakes Alsie while Dahlia looks murderous. Alsie is trying to calm Zale down while Valerie is holding in her laughter.

“She is right.” Dahlia sighs. “When two people have sex, do you know of knotting?” You nod as you finish your food.

“When an Alpha cums inside of an Omega or a Beta. Their penis gets larger and would need at least half an hour or an hour to get it back to normal before they can take it out.”

“How about marks?”

“When a person bites their partner’s neck during sex.”

“Yep. There are two kinds of marks. A mate mark and a soulmate mark. And even though only one person bites the neck. The two will have it at the same time.”

“A mate mark is smaller and would only stay for either a day or a week. It’s kind of a brand.”

“Like this.” Valerie shows hers and you hum.

“Is that from that girl?”

“Yep.” Zale sighs and Valerie sweats as she looks away.

“A soulmate mark is a permanent one.” Zale takes off her shirt. A bigger and clearer mark is on her chest and you gulp. “Like this, Your Ma gave it to me.”

“While you were making me?” Zale glares at Alsie who raises her hands.

“It appeared during our first time. It never disappeared.”

“And also, every mark is the same if it’s the first time between two people, only time would tell if they are soulmates or not.”

“So… if Wanda ever marks me… or if I even have the courage to ask her to do it with me then if it doesn’t disappear means-“

“She’s your soulmate.” You groan.

“I can’t ask her to do that! I don’t want to!”

“And that’s totally fine!”

“Are you an ace?” You glance at Valerie who is serious and you sigh.

“No. I don’t think so… but isn’t it too early for us… we haven’t even-“

“Feelings is a good indicator as well.”

“Yep. I just felt like the world stopped when I first saw Venus it was amazing.” Alsie smiles and you reciprocate it. She just looked so in love and happy. “She was just so beautiful then she smiled and I felt my heart burst. That was when I knew I had to chase her.”

“Chase?”

“Something an Alpha does whenever they find someone attractive.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep. Venus thought I was annoying but decided to give me a chance.” You chuckle and Alsie ruffles your hair. You grunt as she grins at you.

“Good luck tomorrow sis.” You sigh. Good luck indeed.

-

You put on your clothes for the date and hum as you get ready. You get your phone and the flowers you bought earlier that day.

“Looking good, Y/N.” Alsie says in approval when you got down.

“Thanks.” You look at the time and go to the door. “Bye, sis!”

“Yep. Bye!” You wave goodbye before leaving and closing the door.

-

You arrived at the spot 10 minutes earlier than the agreed time but she was already there and wearing your jacket.

“You’re early.” You grin as you approach her. She sees the bouquet in your hand and her heart beats faster. You smile and hold it out. “For you.” She takes it and smiles as she smells it.

“Thanks.” You hold out your hand and she takes it.

“You ready?” She nods with a smile.

-

It was a standard date. Movies, in which you both watched a new released rom-com. Then a dinner inside a diner that was your personal favorite to go to. You’ve decided to walk her home.

“Did you enjoy our date?” You ask nervously and Wanda laughs. You stop and she grins at you. “I’m serious.”

“You’re seriously dense.” She says and moves closer to you.

“I want to know.” She hums and grabs your jacket.

“I seriously enjoyed it.” She pulls you closer and you hum.

“Out of 10?” She laughs and pushes you away while you grin. Her laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds you’ve ever heard.

“Seriously?” You shrug and she rolls her eyes.

“100.”

“Oh.”

“Just spending time with you can equivalent to 10 and you showing me your favorite places is just icing on the cake.” You take her hand and kiss it.

“Good.” Before you both knew it, you were both standing in front of her house.

“This is me.” You hum and look at the house.

“Pretty big house.” She laughs and you smile.

“I hope we do this again?” She asks and you nod.

“I sure hope so.” You let go of her hand and kiss her on the cheek. “I like spending time with you.” She pouts and before you know it, she pulls you by your jacket and kisses you. After your initial shock, you kiss her back. She tastes like the chocolate milkshake and omelet that you both ate earlier. You pull away slightly and she smiles.

“You don’t know how much I’ve been wanting to do that.” Your heart who was beating faster than usual feels like it’s in a race. One where you chase her.

“Good. I would love to do it again.” You kiss her again but you both pull away as Pietro calls her name. You look up and Pietro waves from his room.

“Hey, Y/N!” You wave at him back.

“Hey, Pietro.” He laughs.

“Wanda, was it a nice date?” You both blush at his question and Wanda groans.

“Pietro! Get inside!” He laughs but complies. She sighs and turns to you. “Sorry about him. He ju-“ You cut her off with a kiss. You grin as you pull away.

“Good night, Wanda. I’m looking forward to that next date.” She nods as you turn and walk away.

“Nice one, sis.” Wanda turns and Pietro was at their porch.

“Shut up, Pietro.” She grumbles and gets inside. She takes off your jacket and goes to her room. She smiles as she touches her lips. God, you were such a good kisser. And your hand… felt so right against hers. Her phone pings and she checks it.

You: How does Wednesday sound?

She laughs and replies before changing. She can’t wait to see you again on Monday.

-

As soon as you open the door, your family was up and front in your face. They were all asking different questions but only one thing was on your mind… Wanda. Okay, two things, how annoying your family is.

“Guys! Stop!” You say loudly and they all stop. They look at each other and chuckle. They were just so excited to see you go on a date. The day you knew that you were a Beta, you kinda swore to them that you won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of your grades… They didn’t knew back then that you were going to be a loner or you would not be socializing but Wanda changed that.

“Sorry, little one.” Zale ruffles your hair and smiles. “We just got excited.”

“And happy.” Dahlia hugs you and you hug your mother back. Everyone joins in and you can’t help the smile on your face.

“Thank you.” For being my family, for loving me and for accepting me. You didn’t voice the rest but hoped you could let them feel your gratitude.

-

A/N:

I just searched up the Eternals.... and I already got a fic idea. Damn. I'm now wondering if I could do it for Natasha... or Wanda.

I haven't even finished this sequel and yet my head is full of ideas.

Thank you for Reading!

[princessphilly]

Word Count: 1975 (you know I start small then build up)

Tag list: @newlibrary , @luvsherleafs @spine-buster , @m00nlightdelights @lovethepreds @myhockeyworld87 @Defiant-mouse, @callllumhood @yzas-stuff , @stars-canucks @laurenairay @cutiesara23, @besthockeyfics @hockeyallthetime @tazerass , @markymarkstrom @letsgobaby, @himbos-on-ice @hockeywocs @bloodthedevil @nhlboyshavemyhart88 @whatishockey @dreamer1430 @shelbsatans

CW: people failing to be mean, some angst. We are still rated pg-13 but we will be hitting NC-17 soon.

Add me to the tag list!

It’s okay to admit that you are enough. It’s also okay to struggle with admitting that to yourself. At least, that’s what I learned when Meghan Markle still had her old blog, The Tig, up online before she became the Duchess of Sussex. Honestly, she’s one of my goals; her father is a trip and she’s managed to live well despite his issues. I’d like to be able to do whatever she did with my mom. - journal 9/2

**

“The man over there says thanks.”

Jamila looked at the waiter, confused. “Um, okay,” she questioned as she looked where the waiter was discreetly pointing. A tall, brown haired guy raised a whiskey neat in salute. Jamila gave him a tentative grin. After the waiter left, she hissed, “I didn’t send him a drink, Lisa! What the hell?”

Jamila had to admit he was attractive but not her usual type. Her type was the outdoorsy type, the kind who could fish, hunt, and actually be able to live off the land if society collapsed overnight. This guy… he looked like money and power, the kind to hire someone to take care of him.

After a moment, it became obvious what happened as Alyssa and Frances came back over. Jamila put on her best movie-star fake smile as those two came by. They were the worst kind of people; backstabbers who even when they got caught, still got away with it because they knew how to suck up to the people in power. Jamila knew exactly why they didn’t like her: she had enough fame left over that she didn’t need to be their friend to earn a good reputation in their phD program.

“Meet any nice guys,” Frances asked with a sly smirk on her face.

Jamila gave Lisa a sideways look as Alyssa said, “I mean, there’s Jonathan Toews, he’s single. I bet he’d be interested in a washed-up actress.”

“Hmmm, I have no idea who you are talking about,” Jamila honestly said.

Alyssa smirked as she replied, “He plays for the Blackhawks, Meena.”

Jamila grit her teeth as Alyssa used her first name. She hated when people used her first name, it brought up too many bad memories. Before she could reply, the attractive brown-haired guy was standing next to her with a faint grin on his face. “Um, hi,” Jamila said as Lisa, Alyssa, and Frances stared at him.

“I figured I’d say hi after you sent me that drink. I would have bought you one but I don’t know what you’re drinking and it wouldn’t be nice to assume. My name is Jonathan,” he said with a flirtatious wink.

Jamila hesitantly replied, “My name is Jamila and I’m just drinking merlot tonight.”

“Another glass,” Jonathan asked, his deep voice doing things to Jamila’s insides. She bit her lip as she looked at him, trying to decide if she wanted to encourage him or not.

“Sure.”

As he found a waiter, Jamila looked at Lisa. Lisa motioned to her phone and Jamila checked her screen. That’s jonathan toews, the guy those bitches were talking about. He plays hockey and is the captain of the blackhawks

Jamila texted back, what is hockey n y should i care

Then the waiter came with a fresh glass of merlot and Jonathan passed it to her. Jamila took a deep sip, loving the taste. Merlot was truly her favorite and they had a good house vintage. Jonathan asked, “Are you new to Chicago?”

“I’ve been here for a year. It’s alright,” Jamila replied. “This is my first time going out on the North Side though.”

Jonathan gave Jamila a slow smile and her breath caught. He definitely was attractive but not her usual type. He said, “Then that’s why we’ve never met til now. I would have definitely remembered such a beautiful woman if I saw you before.”

Jamila giggled. “That’s a good one. You get one point for that.”

“Just one point? Is it an assist or a goal?”

“Um,” Jamila stalled. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

The sly smile on Jonathan’s face turned into a wide smile. This girl was not only hot but he could tell that she was truly clueless about hockey. Tonight was a win-win for him. “I’m going to assume it’s a goal then.”

“Okay.” Jamila shrugged as she took another sip of her wine. “I’m still not completely impressed so you still need to work on it.”

Jonathan laughed, causing some people to turn towards them. Jamila caught Alyssa and Frances giving her the evil eye and she smirked. Reaching out a hand, she touched Jonathan’s upper arm. Jamila had no idea what hockey was but whatever it was, he definitely was built. Jamila turned slightly as she rubbed his arm, making sure that those two bitches could see that she was touching him.

“You like what you feel,” Jonathan asked, his voice slightly deeper with a sultry tone.

Unable to resist the bait, Jamila replied, “Of course,” licking her lips. There was no problem in flirting with him, she thought to herself as he smirked at her.

Jonathan’s eyes were on her lips. She had full lips, made for kissing. Jamila wasn’t his usual type but Jonathan didn’t have a problem with that. “There’s more that you can-,” he started before someone bellowed, “TAZER!”

Jamila whipped around towards the sound, annoyed to have been interrupted before her attention was caught by the kind of guy of her dreams. He was tall, auburn haired, and looked like a lumberjack. He was perfection and he came over to them.

“Duncs,” Jonathan called.

The lumberjack said, “Heyy Tazer.”

Jamila smiled. Maybe this whole drink mix-up thing was working out for her, she thought until she saw her LA friend, Shan, come up behind this Duncs guy. Shan’s brother Alex was with them, his ever present backwards cap covering his hair.

Jonathan loved Duncs as a brother but right now, he was annoyed and pissed. He had been close to sealing the deal but Jamila was now looking at Duncs like he was the last man on earth. Then Jamila gave him a brilliant smile and Jonathan suddenly realized that he was totally fucked.

“Hi,” Jamila purred, forgetting that her hand was still on Jonathan’s bicep. Duncan looked at that and raised an eyebrow at his captain. Jonathan gave him a glare and Duncan made a motion with his hands.

Before Duncan could reply, Shan yelled, “Jamillllaaa!! Long time no see!”

“Hi Shan,” Jamila drily replied, glad she used her preferred name instead of her first name. Shan was a fellow child actress, a Canadian who managed to get supporting roles at Disney over the years before transitioning to a character actress when she became an adult. Shan was the only one whose parents were actually on-set all of the time and paid attention to what was going on. Consequently, Shan was the only one who didn’t have substance abuse problems, etc. and the only one from her former shows that Jamila kept in contact with.

Jonathan looked at Shan and Jamila. “You two know each other?”

Shan drunkenly giggled as Alex closed his eyes. “We were both Disney kids back in the day.”

Jamila sardonically smiled. “Those were fun days.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex replied. “Shan’s got a role in one of the next Marvel movies so she decided to celebrate.”

“Congratulations,” Jamila sincerely stated. Getting a role in the MCU was a steady check and something to celebrate. Then Jonathan took a double take and looked at her and Jamila groaned. He bit one of his thin lips and then he smirked before putting a finger to his mouth. Jamila exhaled and gave him her biggest smile. He recognized her but he didn’t say anything. Jamila leaned over and whispered into Jonathan’s ear, “You just got a second point.”

“Then maybe you should let me have your number,” Jonathan purred into Jamila’s ear.

Jamila smirked, rolling her eyes but before she could respond, Shan slurred, “Wow, Jamila, you waste no time. You were just telling me yesterday that you didn’t know a damn thing about hockey and tonight, you’re talking with Captain Serious.”

Jonathan wanted to shake his teammate’s sister because Jamila shut down, pursing her lips.

Oblivious, Shan continued, “Now, you don’t have an excuse not to go with my brother to the bowling thing.”

Alex face-palmed as Jamila pinched the bridge of her nose. She had totally forgotten about that and of course, when Shan was drunk, she was loud and obnoxious.

Pasting her best fake smile on her face, Jamila said, “I think it’s time for me to go.”

“So soon,” Duncan teased.

Jamila smirked at him, looking him up and down. “I need my beauty rest and to not strangle my friend.”

Jonathan gritted his teeth as he watched Jamila eye his friend. Then she turned to him and blew him a kiss. “It was nice to meet you, Jonathan,” Jamila said, giving him a wink.

Jonathan smiled back and Jamila was taken aback for a moment. There was a promise in those dark brown eyes and she felt her body begin to respond. Then he licked his lips and for a moment, all Jamila could think about was maybe those lips on her body. Slightly shaking her head, Jamila waved her fingers before going to call an Uber. This was a night.

**

After getting home, Jamila tossed her bag onto her front table. She suddenly felt exhausted even though it was barely after 11:30pm. Walking into her living room, Jamila saw her other cell phone glowing. Picking it up, she cursed. There were fifteen messages and ten missed calls, all from Janine. The messages started off nice, asking how Jamila was doing to nasty, calling her all kinds of names for not picking up and giving her “mother” money.

Tossing the phone back onto the table, Jamila sighed. Getting a separate cell phone just for her mother’s calls was the best but it was draining just to look at it.

Janine Brown was a bit actress, stage-mother, and now two-bit manager. Janine had always wanted to be an actress, even when she was attending grad school at MIT for physics. There, she met Jayesh Vyas, a student earning a PhD in computer engineering. Within six months, they were married and expecting a child; after two years, they were divorced after pressure from Jayesh’s parents. Jayesh returned to India and Janine was stuck with an 11 month old baby with dimples made of gold.

By the time that Jamila could remember, she was in front of a camera. Her life as a child was in front of a camera; first as the adorable adopted child in Granger vs Granger, then the youngest kid in The Elliot Show as a young child. Then from age 12 to 17, Jamila starred as Jane Lee in the Disney show, Plain Jane. School was on set. Birthdays were celebrated on set. Everything revolved around a set year round until right after Jamila’s 17th birthday.

The aftermath of that birthday was a stay in rehab, a cancelled show, and living with her dad and stepmom full time in Atlanta.

Jamila promptly deleted all the messages and voicemails before going on online banking. After authorizing a transfer to Janine’s account, Jamila showered, put on pajamas, and grabbed her pink Lepidolite and pink quartz crystals. Sitting cross legged, Jamila worked to calm her anxiety so that she could have a restful night sleep.

But in her dreams, she tried to focus on a pair of blue eyes and a lumberjack look. However, she kept dreaming of a pair of deep obsidian brown eyes, a crooked smile, and a deep voice telling her everything he was going to do to her

[thebookreader12345]

Meet the Parents

Pairing: Jay Halstead x reader

Summary: Jay and Y/N have been dating for awhile now, and it’s finally time for Jay to meet her parents

Requested: No

Warnings: slight swearing, mention of having sex

Word Count: 1,596 Words

“Look at that. Another case solved. We are officially the best unit ever,” Adam spoke.

I laughed. “I mean, you’re not wrong. Hey, has anyone seen Jay?”

“He was just in the locker room,” Hailey informed me as she packed up her things.

“Yeah. Any reason why he looked like he was about to piss himself?” Antonio asked me.

“He’s meeting my family for the first time tonight. I should go talk to him. I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” I tell the team and make my way towards the locker room. When I got inside, I found Jay sitting down on one of the benches, his legs resting on either side of the wood. “Hey,” I greet and straddle the portion of the bench in front of him so that we were mirror images. “What’s going on?”

“What if they don’t like me?” Jay asked and looked up at me.

“Why would you think that? You’re an amazing guy, Jay,” I murmur and take his hands in mine. “And my parents and sister are going to love you.” I leaned forwards and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips, which lasted longer than I expected, but I didn’t mind. When Jay and I finally parted, I rested my forehead against his. “I love you.”

Jay gave me a small smile. “I love you too.” After leaving the locker room, Jay and I packed up our things and headed back to our shared apartment. While we had only been dating for a few months now, we had known each other from work for a good amount of time, so it wasn’t a hard choice to make when Jay asked if I wanted to move in with him. At the apartment, I kicked off my shoes, took off my jacket, and then dragged Jay over to the couch for some cuddle time. I pressed myself against his chest and draped an arm over his waist, him doing the same for me, and just laid against him. Being in Jay’s arms always put me at ease, and I’m sure it did the same for him because I could feel the shift in his mood. For a while, we lounged around the house, but soon, it was time to get ready to go to dinner at my parents’ house.

“Babe, are you almost ready?” I ask and head into the bedroom, only to find Jay staring at his dresser. “Jay, why are you not dressed yet?”

“I don’t know what to wear,” Jay replied.

I chuckled softly and walked over to his dresser, pulling out a plain gray t-shirt and blue jeans. “Put this on. It’s my favorite outfit on you, except when you’re naked, of course.” Jay shook his head with a smile playing at his lips and took the clothes from my hands. “Now go get changed. I don’t want to be late.” Once Jay had finally gotten dressed, we made our way out front where my car was parked and climbed in. As we started driving, I could tell Jay was beginning to get nervous again. It didn’t take long to get to my parents’ house, and as soon as we got out of the car, I wrapped my arms around Jay’s torso. “Just be yourself. Everything is going to work out. I promise.”

“Okay,” Jay mumbled and laced his fingers with mine as we made our way up to the front door. I rang the doorbell, hearing the pleasant jingle go off in the house, and seconds later, the door opened to reveal my little sister, Elizabeth, or Lizzie for short. She was a whole 8 years younger than me, which, when we were little, was a huge difference, but now it didn’t matter too much.

“Hey, Lizzie,” I greet and step forward to give her a hug. Lizzie hugged me back quickly, and when I stepped back, I glanced towards Jay. “Lizzie, this is my boyfriend Jay. Jay, this is my sister Lizzie.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Jay spoke and held out his hand, which Lizzie shook politely.

“You too,” Lizzie greeted and scanned him up and down before turning to me. “Y/N, why wasn’t I aware that your boyfriend was this hot? I would have put on some nicer clothes.”

“You look fine right now,” I tell her and lead Jay into the living room, where Lizzie’s college textbooks were scattered all over the coffee table.

“What are you studying?” Jay asked Lizzie.

“Uh, molecular biology. Sorry about the mess,” Lizzie muttered and went to clean up her books.

“It’s cool. My older brother actually majored in biology. He’s a doctor over at Chicago Med,” Jay said.

“Y/N? Is that you?” my mother called out from somewhere deeper in the house.

“Yeah. Is dad with you?” I question and gesture for Jay to follow me.

“Of course he is. You know he can’t go 5 minutes without sneaking some food,” my mother replied. I laughed and went down the hallway at the back of the living room, which had the bathroom, dining room, and stairs branching off from it, and at the back of the house was the kitchen, where both my mom and dad were. My mother was busy putting dough into a circular tray while my father was digging through the pantry looking for something to snack on. My mother then looked up from what she was doing, and when she saw me and Jay, she smiled. “You must be Jay. Y/N talks about you quite a bit, you know.”

Jay grinned. “I wasn’t aware.”

“Well, I can see why. You’re very handsome. You and Y/N would have beautiful babies,” my mother commented.

“Mom,” I hiss as I felt my cheeks begin to heat up.

“What? I’m just putting it out there. Do you like deep dish, Jay?” my mom asked.

“I love it,” Jay responded.

“Good. I’ve been making it homemade since Y/N was born. Louis, get your head out of the pantry and greet Jay,” my mom scolded to my father, who still hadn’t emerged from the pantry.

“Yeah yeah, Janine,” my father said and exited the pantry, closing the door behind him. He then extended his hand to Jay. “It’s nice to meet you, son.”

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. L/N,” Jay concurred.

“All right. I’m going to show Jay around. Please do not take out any embarrassing photos while we’re gone,” I urge my mother.

“No promises,” my mother said with a small smile. I shook my head and led Jay out of the kitchen and up the stairs, where we entered the first door on the left.

“Welcome to my childhood bedroom,” I reveal. Nothing had changed since I had moved out to attend college. The walls were a light gray along with the carpet and my bed set, seeing as I had a neutral theme going on. My twin sized bed sat in the far right corner with my desk in the far left. On it were some fake plants, a few picture frames, and scattered souvenirs I had picked up along the years. Immediately on our right you had my dresser, and to our left I had two white beanbags sitting on the floor. Jay headed straight to my desk and examined the pictures within the frames.

“You have not changed one bit,” Jay told me.

“Oh shut up,” I tease. After showing Jay the rest of the house along with the backyard, dinner was finally ready. We all sat down at the kitchen, and that’s when the questions started.

“So, Jay, how long have you been a police officer?” my father asked.

“Not my whole life, like some people may think. I actually used to be in the army. I was a Ranger,” Jay informed my family.

“No shit. I was in the Marines,” my father responded.

“When did you know you wanted to be with Y/N? I want all the details,” Lizzie demanded with a huge smile on her face.

“Um, there was one night after work where Y/N and I were at Molly’s together having a few beers. And as we were talking, I realized that I couldn’t survive without her, so I asked her out,” Jay answered. Finally, after eating dinner and talking for about another hour or two, it was time for Jay and I to head back out to our apartment. Jay was waiting for me by the front door when my mother pulled me aside.

“He’s a lovely guy, Y/N,” my mother exclaimed. “I really like him.”

“Yeah,” I say. “Me too. I’ll talk to you later, mom.” As Jay and I walked out of the house hand and hand, I stopped in my tracks and pulled Jay down so that our lips touched. I could feel Jay smile against my lips as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest.

“What was that for?” Jay asked me.

“I love you,” I tell him.

Jay grinned. “I love you too. So, how’d I do?”

“Amazing. My whole family loves you. I told you it’d be fine,” I reply.

“And you were right. What do you say we get back home and celebrate on how well this went?” Jay suggested.

“What are you thinking?” I question.

“Maybe an activity that involves your clothes on the floor,” Jay whispered in my ear, which sent a shiver down my spine.

“You don’t know how turned on that just made me. You better speed home,” I state.

“Oh, I was planning on it,” Jay said.

__________________________

Tag List:

@prettypyschoinpink @securityfriendly-jay @scarletsoldierrr @lorenakaspersen @virtualreader @carnationworld @caitsymichelle13 @dreamingmanip @campingmonkey @winterberryfox @nevertoofarfromivar @anotherfan07 @giagma @mrspeacem1nusone @i-like-sparkly-things

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S3:E3; Chapter Three, The Case Of The Missing Lifeguard - [Pt. 5]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

𝘌𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋&𝘋. 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦.

⚠️: Castle Byers scene. Meaning lots of angst, self destructive thinking, and misguided self punishing

📝: Started making it... had a break down [fr tho]... ¯\_( ツ)_/¯ bon appetite! 👩‍🍳 [edit: told ya 💀]

🔑: underlined and bold means they're talking in Russian

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

Warm rain spits from the angry blanket of clouds, falling through the sky and drenching Mike and Lucas to the bone despite their rain gear. Mud splashed up onto their ankles and drenching their socks as their bikes skid up the Byers driveway. Without a thought, they throw their bikes into the ground before racing up onto Will's porch.

It had taken far longer than they cared to admit to decide to go and find Will. To make things right.

Mike was realizing far too late just how right Will was. He didn't even recognize himself anymore. El had become such an important piece of his life, but he hadnt realized until now just how much he let his feelings screw up all the wonderful things he had in his life to begin with. He missed how things used to be. With the party. With Y/n.

With Will.

All the anger he feels towards himself is channeled into his fist banging on Will's front door.

"Will!" He cries. "Will, I'm sorry, man, alright? I was being a total asshole. I've been a total asshole. Please, can you just come outside and we'll talk?"

No answer but the thundering clouds rolling over their heads. He pounds on the door again.

"Will!"

Lucas hurries to the window, cupping his palms against the glass and peering inside. He knocks on the window, doing his best to peer around the curtains and furniture obscuring his sight.

"Hey, Will! Come on, man! We're sorry!" He knocks again, growing nervous. "Will!"

||𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

'Sorry, man. Curfew,'

'For the last time, Will! No!'

-'What, so I should be locked up all day, too?'

-'Maybe!'

Huffing, I throw the wrinkling comic book into the old mattress. Nothing was working. Nothing was enough to distract me. I was too angry.

I looked down at the withered cover of the comic book I had just thrown, my chest sinking further. Dustin's X-MEN 134, he gave it to me after that night at the hospital.

Thinking about it now, I can't even remember the last time all seven of us hung out as a party. I don't count Dustin's welcome home. Mike and El couldn't be bothered to pretend to care, and Lucas and Max kept ganging up on Dustin. Dustin was understandably upset and not wanting anything to do with us, leaving just me and Y/n. And now, not even her.

How did everything get so messed up?

What was I doing wrong?

I looked around the walls of Castle Byers, a lump forming in my throat. Everywhere I looked, I was painfully reminded of the truth.

My friends don't want me anymore.

I keep telling myself that's bullshit, but the more I do the more it feels like a lie.

They're moving on without me.

Friends don't just forget you, I reasoned. They don't just abandon you.

Then why were they doing just that?

Maybe they weren't my real friends. Friend's don't do what they did.

Everything hurts. I've been telling myself I'm fine, that I'm overreacting but I don't think I am anymore. I'm just tired. I'm tried of feeling like this. I'm tired of being pushed aside, especially when I need them most.

They didn't use to be like this, I tell myself. But somehow that just hurts more.

I had people that cared about me, who were willing to risk their lives to save me. Twice.

And now they don't give me a second thought.

I was shaking now, but I don't think it's from the rain. The storm had finally reached me, seeping through the walls and dampening my clothes and hair.

Another painful realization hits me; Castle Byers looked just like it had the night I built it with Jonathan.

Even though this night was so much like the night Castle Byers was constructed, it couldn't feel more different. More unfamiliar.

My teary eyes find my first D&D manual, propped up against the wooden walls, soaked and forgotten like me. I'm painfully reminded of the night all this started.

I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday, and yet it feels light-years away.

'Something is coming. Something hungry for blood.'

《•••》

"What is it?" I ask, edging further off my seat.

This time it's Dustin who cuts in, "What if it's the Demogorgon?"

Oh, great, I think, throwing myself back in my seat with an anxious huff. We're not ready to face a Demogorgon!

Beside me, Y/n draws in an equally anxious breath.

"Oh, Jesus, we're so screwed if it's the Demogorgon." Dustin rambles on.

"It's not the Demogorgon." Lucas says, assuring us all.

《•••》

My eyes trail to one of my favorite drawings; Will The Wise and Y/C/N. The one I had made when Y/n was first constructing her character. The one that hung in my room for so long, always cheering me up. The one that gave my mom the idea to help me communicate my now memories.

The one that Y/n always threatened to steal for her room as often and as recently as her last visit. The memory of her warm touch lingering on my cheeks burned as bright as the blush raging over me that night so long ago.

'Wait a minute... Did you guys hear that?'

《•••》

The anticipated silence in the basement left by Mike grew louder as he leaned in.

"Boom..." His voice grows louder. "Boom," Louder.

"BOOM!" Mike bellows, slamming his hands against the flat surface, rattling the table and all its contents.

The sudden noise was enough to make me and my friends jump, as was the sudden hand grabbing for my own.

All the more startled, I look down to see Y/n's hand grasping my arm like a lifeline. I feel my skin flush, my cheeks surely reddened as I catch her eye. She looked flustered, smiling a small smile before retracting her hand and returning to the game, unknowingly leaving me in a dizzying blush.

•••

"Will, your action!"

"Fireball!" I cry, throwing the dice to the board with a satisfying rattle.

"FOURTEEN!"

My friends erupt into cheers, all around me as we celebrate together.

"BOOM!"

"Direct hit!" Mike cries, beaming proudly at me across the table. "Will the Wise's fireball hits the Thessalhydra!"

Our excited shouts fill the basement, each and every one of us victorious. My smile can't get any wider when I feel Y/n's hands grip my shoulder and begin shaking me excitedly. We both laugh, feeling on top of the world with our cheering friends by our side.

《•••》

Pained, I look away only to find the proof right in front of my eyes. My three favorite pictures; all of them, my friends and me — happy — staring back up at me.

Our photo from the science fair, encased in the popsicle frame Mike had made bearing all of our characters' names along the side. I brought it here, I brought all my favorite pictures here, to Castle Byers — to my safe place — cause that's where I knew I would need their comfort the most.

But as I look at them now, all I feel is bitterness and pain. I'm reminded of just how much everything has changed.

The science fair was a reminder of the good thing I had before that night. Before everything started.

Y/n and me, at the Snow Ball. My arm wrapped around her, the two of us grinning nervously. It wasn't just the night Y/n and I had first kissed, it was also the first night I felt like the Party had gotten bigger. All of us, Max and El included had been happy. Everyone was laughing and getting along, the happiest we had ever been — the strongest. But now I see it was really the beginning of the end.

It had been coming for so long and I didn't even see it.

And Halloween. Last Halloween, everything had been perfect. For just one. Single. Stupid. Moment.

Shakily, I pick up the photo Jonathan had taken of all of us in our costumes. We were all smiling.

We were all happy.

'Who you gonna call?'

《•••》

I beam as I see my friends pulling up, looking just as excited as I felt.

"Ghostbusters!" I finish, watching as they look me over, happily surprised.

"Hey, Spengler!"

"Egon! Looking sharp!" Y/n grinned, pulling me into a quick hug.

"Janine!" I beam. "Venkman!"

《•••》

As I look at it now, my eyes and throat stinging as Mike's voice echoes louder than ever in my mind.

'I mean, what did you think, really?'

What was I thinking?

'That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day, playing games for the rest of our lives?'

How could I have been so naive?

'it's not my fault you can't move on!'

How could I have been so... so...

"Stupid." I tell myself, my voice splitting in my throat. "So stupid!"

My hands trembling violently with rage and my own sobs, I tear the photo in two.

I was stupid. Stupid to believe I was as big of a priority to them as they were to me.

I rip the drawing off the walls, tearing it to pieces.

Stupid to ever think they'd still cared about me.

I rip and tear and crumple up every meaningful piece of them in an act of defiance.

They won't care. I think bitterly. They won't miss these, they probably won't even notice. Not like I would have.

I grab my bat.

How could I be so fucking stupid?!

Why was I hanging on to all this stuff anyway? Why was I clinging so tightly to something that was already gone?

Because I've been stupid. I'm just some stupid kid that won't grow up.

I storm out of the tent.

I'm just some stupid kid who can't grow up. They made that perfectly clear.

I stand in the pouring rain now, heart thundering in my chest as I stare at the piece of my childhood I couldn't let go of.

So. Stupid.

And I start swinging.

I swing and I swing, with an anger and frustration I've never felt so intensely until now. It's been building my whole life and I didn't realize it. Every swing is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever felt. Every slur I've heard from my dad, from Troy, is channeled into the bat. Every ounce of frustration and fear I felt since I came back from the Upside Down that nobody understood. Every laugh, every jeer, every single moment I've felt alone is channeled into the destruction of the one place on this earth I ever felt safe.

But it holds up and in the back of my mind, I hear Jonathan again.

'And it took so long cause you were so bad at hammering'

And I start kicking, and I start ripping the walls apart until it's a crumpled heap and I stop.

The sight of Castle Byers in ruins breaks me even harder.

I didn't want it gone, but I did it anyway. That part of me that was angry at myself, told me to keep going. Cause that's what I deserved for believing things could stay the same even though deep down I knew that wasn't true.

I finally stop when I see the castle in ruins.

Exhausted, I collapse to the ground beside the wreckage.

As I sob, stewing in the pain and overwhelming grief I felt I was drowning in, the rain pours heavily over me, soaking me to the bone.

Just as it had the night it had been built.

And now, Castle Byers was gone.

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

When blue meets yellow in the west.

8:41 pm. It was almost time.

The yellow and blue clock hands were illuminated by a flash of lightning, streaking through the mall's skylight. Starcourt had long since closed, and the real activity was just beginning.

Stationed at the loading docks near the back, standing under the worst storm Hawkins had seen in years were two guards. They watched through the downpour as the scheduled truck backed its way under the concrete cover.

And perched on the roof, just out of sight sat Dustin, Steve, and Robin, scouting from under their rain slickers.

"Look for Imperial Panda and Kauffman Shoes," she reminds them.

Steve wipes away at the rain dripping into his eyes, squinting even further to get a clear picture Dustin already has.

A man in a bright yellow raincoat emerges from a hidden side door, a trolley cart full of packages marked with a familiar insignia.

"They're with that whistling guy!" Dustin says suddenly, motioning out from behind the only pair of binoculars.

"What do you think's in there?" Steve wonders, eyeing the Lynx logo on the back of their many yellow jackets.

"Guns? Bombs?"

"Chemical weapons?" Robin tries.

"Whatever it is," Dustin says, now cautiously studying the heavily armed guards. He had to admit to himself, they really weren't trying very hard not to be obvious. "they're armed to the teeth."

"Great," comes Steve's sarcastic voice, once again rubbing at his eyes, silently wishing he had brought a coat with a hood. "That's great."

A soft clink that would have been obnoxiously loud had it not been for the noise of the storm brings their attention to another guard. Having pressed a glowing button on a small control panel, two large metal doors swung open to reveal another room.

"Hey!" Robin says, squinting through the rain as she tries to get a glimpse without the binoculars. "What's in there?"

"It's just more boxes,"

"Let me check it out," Steve says, grabbing for the binoculars.

Huffing, Dustin fought to keep his grip on the binoculars. "No, I'm still looking!"

"Lemme see it!"

"Hang on!"

Steve's grip had loosened with the slick of rain, sending the binoculars knocking into the cement. The issue had already been forgotten when they saw the guards' attention had been stolen. Simultaneously, the three of them dove to the ground in a panic.

The guards began to pace, grip on their firearms tightening as they gaze out into the night. Seeing nothing but empty roofs and angry skies above them, they unknowingly miss the trio huddled against the roof wall.

Just out of sight to the right of Dustin, Steve and Robin sat panting as they try to calm their racing hearts. Way too close a call. And neither of them had realized what they had done until their eyes landed on their entertained hands. Just as quickly as they notice, they break apart, embarrassed.

Down below, the guards were now on high alert. One of them, unable to shake the feeling of being watched, stalked into the rain with his eyes deadset on an open spot on the roof. He was certain he heard the noise come from that direction.

"Stay here!" He orders to the other. "Watch the door!"

Reluctantly, his partner complies and inches back towards the doors.

When he finally reaches the top of the stairwell, he hesitates only a moment before he throws the roof door open, gun cocked.

But he was met only with steady claps of thunder and an empty roof.

Had he been wrong?

Or had he just missed whoever had been here?

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Clothes drenched, their shoes sloshing underneath their feet like sponges, Steve, Robin, and Dustin slip out from the shadows and make their way throughout the back halls behind the scenes of Starcourt.

"Well, I think we sound your Russians," Robin quips.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Black Trans Travel Fund:

For The Gworls:

"The Black Trans Travel Fund is a grassroots, Black Trans led Collective, providing Black Transgender Women with financial and material resources needed to remove barriers to self-determining and accessing safer travel options"

Trans Women Of Color Collective Fund

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"Founded by a Black transgender woman and a Black nonbinary person, For The Gworls raises money to help provide funds for rent and gender affirming surgeries for Black transgender people across the country."

Taglist:

@dickkwad @iblesstherainsdown-in-africa @miscellaneoustoasts @happyandlonely-blog @peeperparkour ​ @ba-responds @bibliophilesquared @blogforhoes ​ @witch-of-all-things-soft @shawkneecaps @whothefuckstolemykeds @daughter-of-the-stars11 ​ @stranger-things4 @kpopanimegirl ​ @nightbu-g @lozzybowe @gizmofishersupremacy @spiderbitch69420

❥ Let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist! ❥

[iammikedee]

Dealing with other people’s deep-seated ideas about gender binary: the red yellow green exercise

If you’re passing and live around people who knew you before you passed, there’s always gonna be that one person who cannot, does not, will not get that you’re a guy or gal. It doesn’t matter how much your body changes with or without hormones. It doesn’t matter how you dress. It doesn’t matter if you have boobs or a beard now. It doesn’t matter that you’ve told them a thousand times that you aren’t a woman or aren’t a man.

But as shitty as this feels, the people who knew us “before” are people who we have ongoing relationships with, and it’s not always easy to say “Hey, you calling me a he/she is disrespectful.” Even though they’re in the wrong, it still feels like we’re the ones stirring the pot. So how should we handle this? How should this make us feel? Well think of it this way:

You have a friend named Janine. For some reason though, she really looks like a “Jenny.” Whenever you see her the name Jenny pops into your head and you’ve accidentally called her that multiple times. Janine tells you over and over that Jenny isn’t her name. Janine likes hanging out with you up until you call her by the wrong name. It isn’t her name, and you’re getting a major part of her identity wrong. It doesn’t matter if you’re doing it accidentally, because Janine is the one being repeatedly subjected to something that makes her uncomfortable.

Gender is no different.

The bottom line is that it’s not okay for somebody to repeatedly misgender you especially over the course of months or years. And while their ideas about gender have nothing to do with you, you do have to decide how to broach the issue if you want to continue your relationship with them. I recommend this: pull out a piece of paper and make three columns, red, yellow, and green. 

In the red column, write down what you can’t deal with. What pisses you off. What makes you feel depressed. What invalidates you. Maybe it’s your mom asking you (a guy) if you want to go dress shopping; maybe it’s your (a girl) teacher demanding you use the men’s restroom. Maybe it’s being misgendered. 

In the yellow column, write down things that rub you the wrong way but you aren’t totally sure why or what your exact feelings are. Maybe it’s somebody who buys you (a guy) a bouquet of flowers. Girls usually get flowers...but not always, and it’s a thoughtful gift. You aren’t sure how to feel about this. Or maybe you (a girl) are still invited out “with the guys.” These are your long time friends who have remained close to you even after coming out; they refuse to exclude you because you’re their friend, but the term “going out with the guys” feels icky.

In the green column, write down things that make you happy. Somebody who used to struggle with your pronouns now getting it right every single time. Your (a guy) dad calling you son. Your (a girl) mom calling you daughter.

Now you have a list. Whenever something in the green column happens, take a moment of mental reflection and just bask in the moment. Remind yourself that in this moment, you are happy. Someone sees you as you. You are you, and no words or actions in the world can ever make that untrue. 

When something in the yellow column happens, take some time out of your day (even if it’s later on) to reflect a little. See a therapist. Do some research. Meditate. Write down ideas. And remember that you’re under no time constraint; you can take as long as you want to make a decision on what makes you comfortable or not comfortable.

And finally the hard part! When something in the red column happens, shut it down. When so-and-so misgenders you, all you have to say is, “I’m a man” or “I’m a woman” or any other phrase you want. “My pronoun is he/she.” “I’m not comfortable with that.” It’s a short, sweet phrase that is in no way offensive, and you owe no further explanation. If they make an issue of it, you’re under no obligation to entertain them. If they continue misgendering you after, you can use this phrase again or simply ignore them. After all, why should Janine answer to “Jenny?” If someone hollered “Jenny!” in a crowd she wouldn’t respond, and neither should you to the wrong gender. 

DISCLAIMER: if you feel you are in an unsafe environment, I don’t advise acting on the “red” portion of this exercise. It still may be helpful to sort these things out in columns, but please - and especially if you are a minor - put your safety first and see a professional who can better advise you on how to take action and when it is safe to take it.

[wonder-kid-pugh]

No Matter What - (Jessie Fleming x reader)

In honour of of Jessie making her (20 second) debut (fuck sake Chelsea) I decided to write this. Now I started it yesterday and it's slightly rushed but I hope you enjoy it!!!

17 years ago

"Don't go too far now Y/n!" My mom shouts as I run into the park. "I won't!" I call back as I keep running. I kick my ball in front of me and chase after it. I start messing around with the ball trying to do tricks. Maybe falling over the ball ever once in a while. I scoop the ball up and try to do some kickie uppies. But I only get to 3 before I kick the ball too hard and sends it flying off to the right through a bush.

I let out a sigh before jogging over to the bush the ball went through. I look to see the ball went through the bush. I push myself through the bush and look around the trail that was hidden behind the bush. I smile as I see a girl standing there with my ball.

I run up to her, "Hey! You found my ball!" She looks up at me and nods while holding out the ball to me. I smile as I take the ball and hold it under my arm, "My name is Y/n. What's yours?" She shifts awkwardly as she mumbles, "Jessie". I tilt my head at her as I scrunch my face at her, "What are you doing back here by yourself?"

She looks down at her shoes as she digs her foot into the dirt, "I was just exploring and I don't really have any friends". I smile at her, "I'll be your friend". She looks up at me, "Really?" I give her a big toothy smile, "No matter what". She smiles while I hold out my ball, "Well do you want to play soccer with me?"

She gives me a small smile and nods, "Okay". I grin as I grab her hand and pull her back towards the park, "Great! Let's go play!"

8 years ago

"Hey Y/n" Jessie smiles as she opens the door to me. But I can't find it in me to smile back as I bite my lip, "Hey Jess. Can we talk?" She frowns as she sees me, "Is everything okay?"

I sigh as I run my hand through my hair, "Can...can we sit down?" She nods as she walks over to the bench at the front of her house as we sit down. She doesn't say anything as she looks at me worried while I sit with my arms on my knees and my head in my hands. Cupping my hands over my nose and mouth I take a deep breath.

She's waiting for me to speak but I can't. Because if I say it out loud it makes it real and I can't take it back after. No matter how much I wish I could change it. "Y/n what is it? Your starting to scare me?" She eventually asks, "what's wrong?"

I can feel her eyes piercing the side of my skull but I don't look knowing it's going to be a hundred times worst if I look at her. I stare at a leaf on the ground as it tumbles past me in the wind, "We're moving away Jess". When she doesn't say anything I chance it and look at her as I see her stare at me in shock with her mouth open in disbelief, "What?" "We're leaving Jess" I breathe out my voice barely above a whisper.

She shakes her head at me as she sits up closer for me, "Is this another one of your dumb pranks? This isn't funny Y/n!" I let out a bitter chuckle as I look away from her, "I wish this was a joke Jess. I really wish it was".

She lets out a shaky breath, "Where?" I run both my hands through my hair as I scratch the back of my head in frustration, "California". Her head whips around at me and I could see the heartbreak on her face. "Dad got offered another job and he wants to be closer to help Grans and Gramps. He's already accepted the job" I explain not being able to bare the silence between us.

"How long until..." She can't even finish her question. Just like how she can't even look at me right now. I play with my fingers as I hunch back over my knees, "2 weeks..."

There's another silence neither of us knowing what to say. What do you say when your best friend has just told you your moving away and you won't be able to see each other.

"Well we'll...we'll get through it. I can come visit you. And we can call and text. And-and we'll see each other at camp. It'll all be fine" Jessie reassuringly. But I don't know who she's trying to convince. Me or herself.

I let out another sigh rubbing my eyes, "Jess....I can't". She furrows her eyebrows at me, "What do you mean you can't?" I bite the inside of my cheek as I look at her who seems to have a permanent frown on her face. I do anything to see her smile right now but I know I have to tell her now or else it would make things so much worst later on.

"Jess I talked with my parents and...we decided that the best thing for me to do is to swap to the American team" I say slowly as if it would soften the blow. But it does anything but, "What?" I go to grab her hand, "Jess you have to understand". But she pulls her hand away from me angrily, "Understand what? That your leaving!" I sigh, "Jess I can't be flying out for every camp". She stands up from the bench as she glares at me, "So your just going to leave me behind? We promised we would make our debut for the national team together!"

I try to reach out for her, "Jess please I wish there was another way but there isn't". "Just stay!" She tells me. "I can't Jess I'm sorry". But she steps away from me narrowing her eyes at me, "So your just going to give up on our dream. Give up on us!" My eyes start to water as I look at her, "Jessie please your my best friend. I wish there was another way but there isn't".

But she isn't having it and instead glares at me, "My best friend would never leave me like this!". I can feel my heart break as I see the girl I so desperately like look at me with so much hatred and anger as she spits out words at me like they're poison in her mouth, "I never want to see you again!"

Nothing could stop the tears flowing down my face as I watch her run into her house slamming the door behind her. I sniffle and wait for a little while hoping that she would come back but I know she wasn't. With a heavy sigh and I turn and walk back to my house.

And she kept her word as that was the last time I saw her before I was on a plane to America heartbroken.

7 years ago

I smile as the final whistle blows signalling the end of the match. I watch as the Canadian players surround her patting her on the back for a job well done. At 15 years old and she already had her debut for the Canadian national team.

The debut we were supposed to make together

I stay for another few minutes before I start to grab my stuff to leave. I just about made it out when someone speaks behind me, "You could stay you know?" I turn and shrug, "I don't want to ruin her big day". Elysse frowns at me, "She misses you, you know. A lot". I give her a small smile, "I miss her a lot too. She seems to be doing just fine".

But she still sighs, "Why won't you tell her your here? She'll want to see you!" The last words she spoke to me ring on my ears as I shake my head, "Like I said I don't want to ruin her big day. She should be happy". "Why did you come then?" She asks.

I sigh as I run my hand through my hair, "Because no matter what I will always care about her. Even if she doesn't want me too".

Present day

I smile in the back of the empty stadium as Jessie celebrates with her new teammates as she holds the community shield which she won from her first match with the team. When I look over at the Man City side I can see Janine already looking at me. Already knowing I was there as she knew I was coming to the match today.

She looks at me and I already know what she wants me to do but I shake my head. I look back over at the Chelsea side one last time before I walk back into the stadium like I wasn't even there.

I had just made it to the carpark when someone shouts my name, "Y/n wait!" My breath hitches as I stop in my tracks as I realise who is behind me. I can hear the clitter clatter of her boots against the stone as she stops behind me. I finally will myself to turn around to see her freckled face and rosy cheeks.

She stares at me lips parted but I can't tell how she's feeling as we both just stand there staring at each other. Until I eventually give her a small smile. "Hey Jess" I breathe out. "Hi Y/n" she whispers. I can't help but look her up and down. It's been years since I've seen her this close up. Sure I've seen her on TV and at matches but we haven't spoken since the day I told her I was leaving.

She was still all decked out in her Chelsea gear. Somehow looking even better than she did all those years ago. It was like the wind was knocked out of me as I meet her dazzling brown orbs which study me as she looks me up and dowm.

"How did you know I was here?" I ask. She looks down and plays with the card in her hand, "I found the flowers you left in my locker. And I knew it was you when I saw this". She holds up the small card that I had sent to her locker along with the flowers. I hadn't signed the card but I knew I didn't need to because of what I wrote.

I always knew you were going to be something great. Congrats on your first very professional game. I'll always be supporting you.

No matter what

I just nod. Honestly I was hoping I would have been gone by the time she saw the card. I just wanted to let her know that someone was supporting her. I knew her family couldn't be here because of the pandemic. And there was no way I was missing her first ever professional club game.

"How...how are you doing Y/n?" She asks fidgeting a bit. I just nod and shrug, "Good. Taking it day by day. Playing soccer the usual". Jess nods quickly before sighing, "Why did you come?" I bite my lip as I sigh. I knew the question was coming and it's been the same even since we were young. But I'm not sure how she would take the truth. So I shrug, "Couldn't miss your Chelsea debut". I could see her roll her to eyes.

"I played like 20 seconds"

I chuckled, "Still played didn't you?" She shakes her lips before staring at me again. "But why?" She presses. I purse my lips and tilt my head at her. She sighs as she closes her eyes and looks at the ceiling before looking back at me, "Why? Why after all these years? After me ignoring you for leaving? Why would you still come and support me?"

I sigh as shove my hands in my pockets and look her straight in the eye, "Because nothing could make me stop caring about you Jessie Fleming. No matter what".

She scoffs, "If you really cared that much you would have stayed". I frown as we're back to this, "Jess it wasn't that simple. I couldn't have stayed with Canada. Travelling back and forth for camps, it wouldn't of worked out". Jess glares at me, "You could have made it work! If it was the other way around, I would have done everything to make it work! Instead you gave up and left me!"

I couldn't take it anymore as I snap at the girl, "I didn't want to leave!" She stares at me shocked. Never in our entire lives have I ever blown up at the girl like this. I barely ever raised my voice at her.

Until now that is

I sigh letting my shoulder slump as I look at the girl, "You weren't the only one who lost someone. Yes you lost your best friend. But I lost my person. The girl who I was in love with since forever". Her mouth drops as she lets out a small gasp at my confession. So I decide to keep going, "I was there for your first cap with the national team. I was there for your first game with UCLA. When you win bronze in Rio. I was there for all of it. Because I'll always care about you Jessie Fleming even when you don't want me too".

Her eyes well up with tears as she sniffs, "I didn't know you were there for any of it". I shrug, "You weren't supposed to". She walks forward so we're now standing closer to each other within arm's reach as she looks up at me, "I'm so sorry Y/n. I was so mad that you were leaving that I didn't think of how you felt. I was just mad because..."

She sighs closing her eyes but I brush a hair behind her ear, "Jessie?" She sighs finally meeting my eyes, "Because I was in love with you too. And I didn't want you to leave". My mouth drops as I watch her fidget on the spot. "Was?" I breathe out as I feel my heart stop briefly.

She looks up at me shyly, "I still am". I can see her glance down at my lips and I waste no time as I cup her cheek and lean down and kiss her. She slowly returns the kiss as she wraps her arms around my neck. The kiss was better than I ever imagined it. My mind was a whirl as I try to comprehend that I'm actually kissing the girl I've liked ever since I was young.

When we finally break apart I lean my forehead against hers as we both breathe heavy. "I've wanted to do that for a long time" I whisper as a small smile spreads across her face. She nudges my nose with her own as she smiles at me, "I love you". I smile as I give her a quick kiss back.

"I love you too. No matter what"

[inevitablemoment]

Take This Diploma And Shove It

Word Count: 739

Warnings: References to bullying, references to ableism, references to uses of the “R” slur, family estrangement

Fandom: Ghostbusters

Pairings: Marie Spengler x Julian Matthews, Egon Spengler x Cathleen Paige

Important notes for the timeline: Callie has left and moved in with relatives on Cathleen’s side of the family in Chicago.

Marie moved up a couple of grades, and is graduating high school at sixteen, just like I headcanoned Egon did. At this time, she’s dating her childhood friend Julian Matthews.

Janine and Louis’ daughter, Lily, was born in 1993, shortly after the move to Summerville. She is played by Mariah Rose Faith of Team StarKid fame.

Since Trevor’s birthday is in February and he is stated to be 15 in Afterlife, he would be three months old at this point.

————————

“And now, to speak on behalf of our graduating class, our valedictorian speaker, Marie Spengler.”

Egon and Cathleen applauded as Marie walked up to the podium, though it was sadly lost among the boos from the rest of the graduates and their families. Julian, Janine, and Lily cheered her name to try to cover up the uses of the “R” word coming from the bullies, and Louis futzed with the camera to try to get it to work.

Still, Marie tried to put on an excited (if very forced) smile, and held out her stack of index cards. She looked out into the audience, looking for familiar faces.

She saw Dad, Mom, Julian, Aunt Janine, Uncle Louis, Lily...

But Callie wasn’t there.

Mom had tried to tell her not to expect Callie to come. After all, considering all the issues that Callie and Dad were having, Callie now had a baby to take care of.

A baby that Marie hadn’t met.

No, Marie thought. I’m not going to think about that today. Today’s about my accomplishments.

“Today is the day that I close the book on my school career here at Summerville High--” she began.

“CAN WE THROW THAT BOOK AT YOUR HEAD, YOU FREAK?!” a voice in the audience called out, interrupting her.

The smile on Marie’s face disappeared for a second, but she remembered what Lily had told her. If she just ignored them...

But Lily had told her to ignore them everyday since it had been proven that the teachers would be no help. It hadn’t exactly been helpful advice.

She looked back into the audience, hoping that maybe she had overlooked Callie.

She hadn’t.

Then, she looked back down at the speech that she had prepared. Her father had helped her write it since she came back to school for the holidays.

But these people wouldn’t exactly care about that, would they?

“You know what?”

She ripped the index cards in half. Louis had finally gotten the camera to start recording.

“None of you are listening to a damn thing I’m saying anyway.”

Marie threw the torn-up cards down on the floor of the stage.

“It’s not like I was friends with any of you people,” she said. “No, you were too busy shoving me into the boys’ locker room, or into my own locker, or writing that I was the R word on the wall of the girls’ bathroom.”

Lily’s brown eyes widened behind her thick glasses, and Julian cringed as he was reminded of every incident between Marie and her tormentors.

“But, I admit, I was never a social butterfly,” Marie acquiesced. “I was never... what was it? ‘Normal’? But, how could I be normal? My parents are the fucking Dirt Farmer and the Wicked Witch of Summerville!”

While Egon and Cathleen felt mortified that Marie had chosen that exact moment to finally tell off everyone in this town, they couldn’t deny that they felt proud of her.

“I’ve tried to water myself down to make myself likeable for you because, surprisingly, I wanted friends!” she exclaimed. “And I was lucky enough to have two-- my boyfriend Julian, and my cousin Lily. But now that I’m going to college-- to Stanford, I might add, which is farther than any of your kids are gonna go-- I’m free to just be myself! And if I never see any of you close-minded, slack-jawed yokels again, it’ll be too soon!”

There was a collective gasp from the more dramatic people in the audience.

“And by this fall, I’ll be in California. I’ll be top of my class there, I’ll find more friends who appreciate me, and none of you will be holding me back.”

Marie continued on, not seeming to take a breath.

“I’ve already given up a lot because of you-- my childhood, my sister! And my father, whom all of you have ostracized, has given up more than I have! And one day, you’re gonna wish that you had him on your side, I swear to God!”

The entire gymnasium was silent. Marie finally smiled again, feeling as if she had lifted a weight off of her chest.

“Congratulations to the class of 2006!”

She returned to her seat among the graduates, purposely disassociating herself from the glares she was getting. It’s not like they were worse than the ones she had gotten for just existing.

Louis pressed the record button, ending the video.

[kelyon]

Golden Rings 15: A Home

The Storybrooke sequel to Golden Cuffs

Mrs. Gold puts herself to bed

Read on AO3

Mrs. Gold rested her forehead against the passenger window of the squad car. The cold glass gave her something to focus on. Something real and solid in this swirling haze of booze and impossible facts.

Sheriff Swan was driving her home. Graham had done this, more times than she could remember. Whenever she was out making too much trouble to ignore, Graham would take her back to Mr. Gold. 

Emma Swan was taking her away from him.

Graham had always been quiet, but Emma kept trying to talk. Mrs. Gold kept her face to the window and let the words wash over her. 

“I know it’s hard to get out of a bad relationship. I can’t imagine what it’s like to get out of a bad marriage. But it’s really important that you learn to put yourself first. Put your own safety first. And if that means walking away--then you just gotta do the brave thing.”

Do the brave thing and bravery will follow. 

The words felt weird in her head, foreign and familiar at the same time. Like something she had known once, but forgotten. What was she remembering it from? A movie? Some hokey book she’d read as a kid?

Mrs. Gold had never cared much about being brave. It didn’t take courage to do what Mr. Gold ordered her to. If she was being honest with herself, she did tend to obey him out of fear--fear of disappointing him, fear of his disdain. Fear of losing everything he gave her, especially those scant, precious fragments of himself.

“And I will help you! I just need you to tell me you need help.” Emma Swan was still talking. “Just give me a reason. I’m not afraid to use excessive force.”

She looked up. “On Mr. Gold?”

Emma pulled into the driveway of Mr. Gold’s house and parked the car. “Why not give a wife beater a taste of his own medicine?”

“He’s is not--”

“Yeah, but he’s not a responsible dominant either,” Emma cut her off. “The kinky stuff is based around trust, so you gotta find someone who’s trustworthy. Good for you if you like pain play, but for the love of God, don’t give that kind of power to someone who isn’t going to care about you.”

“I told you in the station, the problem isn’t how Mr. Gold uses me. The problem is that he hasn’t done anything with me in months!” Fighting off tears, Mrs. Gold unbuckled her seat belt and tried to bolt out of the car.

She got two steps toward the house before everything got all spinny again and she had to slow down. Before she knew it, Sheriff Swan was beside her, holding her up by the elbow.

“Okay, lightweight, whatever you say.”

Mrs. Gold jerked her arm away. “I’m alright on my own.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” She was still walking beside her. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tuck you into bed. Unless you invite me in or I have reason to believe a crime in progress, my jurisdiction ends at the front door.”   

“Whatever,” Mrs. Gold muttered. She had Mr. Gold’s keys in her coat pocket. The weight of them was like ballast on a sailboat. They steadied her. 

Emma followed behind her as she went up the porch steps. She waited by the door while Mrs. Gold fumbled with the keys. There were so many of them. Months ago, Mr. Gold had sent her out to have copies of the house and shop keys made for herself. That was one of the first strange things he’d done. Those keys were in her purse in the front hall. She still wasn’t used to letting herself come and go. Mr. Gold’s key was original to the house, a brass skeleton key from the 1890s. It wasn’t any trouble to open the door and walk in. 

“You gonna get the lights?” Emma asked.

“No,” Mrs. Gold held her head high. “I like the dark.”

Emma raised her eyebrows. “Guess that’s your choice. But before I go, I gotta say it again: Call me, if you need help. Or if you have questions about how other people do BDSM. Or if you just wanna talk. Okay?”

Safe in the darkness, Mrs. Gold gave a condescending smile and a nod. “Sounds great.” 

“Take care of yourself.”

“Sure,” she said. And shut the door. 

****

She didn’t turn the lights on as she made her way to the kitchen. Mr. Gold’s house was big enough and clean enough that she never worried about bumping into things or stumbling over a pile of clutter. Nothing like the place where she’d grown up--cramped and filthy, piled high with junk. They never wanted to throw anything away. You never knew when you might need something that you hadn’t used in ten years, but you knew it was wrong to waste money on getting a new one when there was a perfectly good one around here somewhere. 

Mr. Gold’s house was a better home than her father’s house had ever been.

She didn’t stop moving until she got the refrigerator. Wincing against the blinding light, she searched for a bottle of sparkling water. She put the cool glass against her swollen eyes and sighed. She kicked away her heels and leaned against the refrigerator door. When she drank, the bubbles popped sharply against the inside of her mouth. It was a needle-sharp pain, soothing in its way.

She’d never drunk sparkling water before she met Mr. Gold. They always used the tap, and if it tasted like dirt or sand, well that was just extra minerals. Not like they could do anything about it. If it tasted like chlorine or carcinogenic runoff from some factory upstream, they couldn’t do anything about that either. People like them just had to keep drinking what life gave them because they couldn’t afford anything better.

She’d have to go back to that--if anything happened between her and Mr. Gold. If he decided he didn’t want to be married to her anymore. Their pre-nuptial contract was very clear: If the marriage ended for any reason, Mr. Gold kept everything. Even her clothes and jewelry. Even her wedding ring.

And her father would have to start paying rent again. She’d never hear the end of that. Of course, she never heard the end of it when Mr. Gold told him he didn’t have to pay rent anymore. Or, more specifically, that whether or not he had to pay rent was entirely up to Mrs. Gold.

The idiot florist had hated hearing that. Mr. Gold had given his daughter financial control of his shop and his house. She could waive the rent or charge him double or kick him on the curb and burn the buildings to the ground as she saw fit. Her father had sputtered and raged and sworn a blue streak when he’d found out. But marrying Mr. Gold meant she didn’t have to listen to his tantrums anymore.

Would he take her back? If Mr. Gold kicked her out, would she even have the option of living with her father again? 

He’d told her she could, on the day that she left. Her father had said that she could always come back. But she knew that he meant she could leave Mr. Gold and apologize for the unforgivable crime of liking sex. She could live with her father if she was willing to put herself on his idea of good behavior. If she never told him what she really thought about anything. If she was willing to cook and clean and slave away in the flower shop just so the two of them could have enough money to scrape by. Like she was a fucking teenager again.

Shitty as it would be to be back in that house, it was probably better than being homeless.

She finished the bottle and threw it in the trash. She still hadn’t turned on any of the lights. She could walk around Mr. Gold’s house blindfolded. In fact she had, many times. And on her hands and knees. And on a leash. And with a ten-inch dildo in every hole she had. That was how Mrs. Gold paid rent. 

Do you have somebody you can stay with tonight?   

Emma Swan’s words had been ringing through her head since she’d first heard them outside of Granny’s. She’d told the Sheriff that she didn’t have anyone. That was probably true. No one who would pick her up at the police station, at least. No one who would want to deal with her while she was drunk and emotional. No one wanted Mrs. Gold when she was at her worst.

Not even Mr. Gold. 

****

The door to the bedroom was open. The bedroom, where all this trouble had begun. She’d had a dream that her husband loved her, and when she’d woken up, she’d tried to make it real.

But he had been dreaming about Belle. 

Belle.

The name had a weird echo in her mind. The other woman. Her husband’s lover. The only other person she could blame for her unhappiness. Was Mr. Gold thinking about Belle now? Would he tell Belle that he had spent a night in jail?

Would he tell her he had done it so Mrs. Gold wouldn’t have to?

In the bathroom, she ran a washcloth under hot water and pressed it against her face. Most of her makeup had been cried off earlier, so the wash was more for warmth. When Mrs. Gold looked at herself in the mirror, all she saw was her own exhaustion. Red eyes, flushed cheeks, quivering lips. Even cleaned up, she was still a mess.

But Mr. Gold had put himself in jail for her.

She looked closer at her reflection, so close that she pressed her forehead to the glass. So close that she couldn’t see the whole of her face. She was just an abstraction, broken apart into pieces. What about her was worth that kind of sacrifice? What about her was worth anything? In the mirror, she was nothing but pink skin, dark lashes, sky blue eyes.

Mama’s eyes.

Mrs. Gold jerked away from the mirror like it had electrocuted her. Maybe it had. Something had to happen to make her hear a voice in her head.

It was her own voice. Only sadder, more gentle. That was how her thoughts had been in the squad car too. And she’d heard it before then. Off and on, in little flashes just like this. She’d been hearing it for weeks. 

If there was anything creepier than hearing a voice in your head, it had to be agreeing with that voice. It was right, she did have Mom’s eyes. Sky-blue, just like Uncle Peter and  Andrew used to have. Just like Janine and Chloe still did.

But she had never thought of her mother as mama. That sounded like something from some historical drama where everyone wore ball gowns and corsets. Maybe she was being possessed by the spirit of a Regency aristocrat. Maybe one of her past lives was trying to communicate with her from beyond the grave.

Or maybe she was very, very drunk.

She turned the light off in the bathroom and peeled off her dress, then looked around her armoire for something she could sleep in. Mr. Gold had never bought her any comfortable pajamas, only negligees and skimpy short sets. In the past--which Mrs. Gold was about two weeks away from thinking of as “the good old days”--she’d rarely worn anything to bed. Once they got home, the only reason she wore clothes was so Mr. Gold could take them off. Especially her lingerie. Mr. Gold liked nothing more than to rip her underwear off her body and leave her in tattered rags before he fucked her 

Mara Trudine probably couldn’t have kept Sugar ‘n’ Spice in business if Mrs. Gold hadn’t needed to restock on panties every week. Well, that was one way to help out an old friend. 

There was one long sleeved tee-shirt in her wardrobe. It was mostly see-through, with a pattern of red velvet roses dotting the thin red mesh. In the magazine, the model had worn this shirt with a camisole underneath. Mrs. Gold was lucky if Mr. Gold let her wear a bra when she went out in this shirt. 

But it was the closest thing to comfortable that she had. A pair of leggings would keep her legs warm. Mrs. Gold didn’t own any sweatpants or yoga pants--or any pants at all for that matter. Mr. Gold had always treasured the ability to grab her whenever he wanted her. Skirts and dresses provided the best access, so that was all he let her buy. 

She sighed. Of course, that was in the past. The way Mr. Gold was acting now, he might as well have bought her a space suit to wear around town, helmet and all.

This was the first night she’d ever spent alone in this house. This was the first time she’d ever gotten into this bed and not expected Mr. Gold to join her. As she pulled back the quilt, Mrs. Gold was struck with a memory from last night: Her husband, trembling with rage, throwing this same blanket over her body before he left. She had tried to make love to him. She had tried to pretend to be Belle, just to get him to touch her. And he had seen it as a betrayal, a violation.

He was right.                    

Mrs. Gold knew that she had done wrong. Her actions were not just immoral, but incorrect. In trying to force her husband to be near her, she had only made him want to be further away. He had run away from her to the guest bedroom. Run and hid, like she was a monster.

Emma Swan kept trying to protect Mrs. Gold, but she didn’t understand. Mrs. Gold hadn’t just done wrong, she was wrong. She was the wrong person. It felt like she always had been. Wrong as a daughter, wrong as a friend, wrong as a student, wrong as a girlfriend. 

Wrong as a wife. 

For as long as she’d been married, she had told herself that the feeling of wrongness didn’t matter. No one’s opinion of her mattered except for Mr. Gold’s. She didn’t have to be good at anything else, as long as she was the slutwife he wanted. But over the past several months, he had made it clear how little he wanted anything to do with her. Maybe he hated her as much as everyone else in Storybrooke did. 

She couldn’t sleep in this bed. This was their marriage bed. If their marriage was broken she’d be better off sleeping on the floor. At the very least, she would follow in Mr. Gold’s footsteps and run away to the guest room. There, she knew, she wouldn’t have the memory of Mr. Gold hating her. If he thought of Belle while he had waited for sleep last night, she didn’t know it for certain. She wouldn’t have to think about it. 

With the lights still out, Mrs. Gold went across the hall to the other bedroom. Mr. Gold’s dressing gown hung from a hook behind the door. She buried her face in the silk and breathed in his scent. Before she could think about what she was doing, Mrs. Gold had wrapped the dressing gown around her body. She pulled it tightly over her shoulders, hugging herself, pretending Mr. Gold was holding her. Pretending that Mr. Gold would ever hold her again.

This bed was smaller than the one in their room. It felt less empty with only one person in it. The pillow smelled like Mr. Gold’s hair.

I love you.

The voice in her head again, saying what she wanted to say. She had never told Mr. Gold that she loved him. Until recently, she didn’t know that she had. Now the knowledge was a burden. It was an ache in her heart, a hole that would never be filled. 

Everything was over.

****

He leaves her in a swirl of wine-red smoke, at exactly the stroke of midnight. He goes, to walk into a trap the two of them have all but set themselves. He goes, to keep her safe from his enemies. He goes, to lay down the final pieces of the plan that will--someday--lead to their complete happiness. 

As he leaves, he keeps his face turned away from her. She understands. When he gets to where he is going, he will have to wear the mask of a devious trickster. Tears would spoil the effect.  

Her eyes are moist as she watches him disappear. 

Candlelight reflects the golden sparkles in the skin of his hands, the glinting crinkles of his hair. His leather-clad back has a dark gleam to it. He keeps his shoulders straight, his arms poised--ready to put on a show.

She cannot look away from him. She would say that she is memorizing him, but she already knows him by heart.

They will be together again.

She must believe that, even when he is gone from their home. She trusts her husband. She trusts the plan they have made together. She trusts herself. She will ensure that they are together again. She can do the brave thing and know that bravery will follow. Though the power she has is small and meager, there is enough determination in her to move the world if she needs to.

If Rumple needs her to. 

She cannot stay staring at the place where he was. There is work to be done. Her husband is doing his part of the plan, now she must do hers. 

Since she is already in the dining room of their castle, her first task is to fetch the chipped cup. It sits in a place of honor on top of the magical cupboard that creates their meals. 

The sight of this cup never fails to make her smile. She had dropped it, on the first of many times one of her master’s orders had shocked her. For a time, it was a shameful thing for her, a sign of failure. Over time, she had decided that she liked his orders, and that she wanted him to give her more. She had offered him the imperfect cup, and he had understood what she had wanted--and he had given it to her.  

When she had left, her lover had destroyed this room. He had smashed all the plates and cups, except for this. Later, he told her that he had wanted to throw it against the wall, but instead he had broken down in tears. He had it clutched to his chest when she found him in the dungeons.

Since the wedding, the meaning of the cup changed again. Now they serve each other, whenever they wish to play. The cup is imperfect, but it is beautiful because of what it means to them. It was the first object they shared together, even before their wedding rings.

She holds it delicately, as she walks to the next room. The night is dark, but torches light at her approach. Even if they didn’t, she knows the way. The castle is her home, and she walks without fear through every hallway. 

The small room at the end of the corridor holds everything Rumple has of his son. There are clothes and toys and even a few battered schoolbooks. This is the boy that he lost a lifetime ago. This is the boy that he will destroy the world to get back. She has never met Baelfire, but she loves him. She will do anything she can to reunite her husband with his son.

If she could, she would take everything in this room. The memories are so precious. She would give them to the boy, once they find him. But her husband has given her specific instructions, and she trusts him enough to follow them. Magic can be fickle, especially when there are too many variables. If they ask it for too much, there is a greater chance that something might go wrong, and an even higher price to pay. They will only need one object of Bae’s to be able to find him in the new world. She can only take the shawl.

It is yellow wool, a little ragged and dirty from belonging to a young boy. Her husband knitted it himself. She feels the love that was woven into every fiber of it. 

She cushions the chipped cup against the shawl and holds both objects in one hand. With her other hand, she draws out a single glove from the pocket of her gown. It is a magic glove, made of black velvet and her husband’s golden thread. As soon as it is on her hand, she is transported to the next room.

This is a room with no door. It can only be entered by using her husband’s magic. This is where he keeps things safe, including his secrets. This is where he stores the remains of his life before he had magic. 

There is a wide bed, stuffed with straw. A rough-hewn farm table with a bench and pair of stools at either end. A spinning wheel wound with simple yarn instead of the gold her husband is famous for spinning. She looks over these furnishings with familiarity and with fondness. She has been in this room many times before.

Often enough to know where to find what she seeks. 

A small table serves the function of a desk. It is piled high with papers, mostly drawings. Rumple’s first wife drew pictures of their son when he was a baby. And when the boy had grown older, he had developed the same talent. 

Her mental image of Baelfire comes from a sketch he made of himself: Wavy dark hair and steady dark eyes, a boy who has already suffered and struggled more than he ought to have, a boy who smiles rarely, but is rarely afraid. She would rather take that drawing than handle what lies on top of it.

The dagger that controls her husband is an evil thing, but he has made her the mistress of it. When he proposed, he gave her the dagger, and submitted to her all the power of the Dark One. Together, they have studied its magic, tested its limits. While she does enjoy having some authority over her beloved, the thought of anyone else using the dagger on him--or hurting him with it--is enough to make her blood boil.

She cannot allow that to happen. She cannot allow the dagger to fall into any hands but her own or Rumple’s. This is the only weapon that can hurt him. She will never allow him to be hurt. She holds the dagger to her chest, just like the shawl and the cup.

She takes off the magic glove and finds herself in the tower room where her husband does most of his work. He knew that he was leaving, so he has put away most of his potions and equipment. 

He may never see these things again.

Tears burn in her eyes. Stumbling to his work table, she lets their things slip from her arms. Her satchel is up here, Rumple must have placed it in this room. He gave her this satchel, the last time they were separated. The last time she had to leave her home. It is brown leather, with a design of a red rose blooming among the thorns.

She sets the cup and the shawl inside the satchel. Then she takes the dagger and slashes the glove to shreds. Golden sparks and wine-red smoke emanate from the glove as magic destroys magic. Now she will never be able to enter the safest room again. But neither will anyone else.

Everything she needs to carry fits inside the satchel. She could probably fit the entire potions cabinet and her husband’s spinning wheel inside and never feel the weight of it on her shoulders. 

Her mission is done, but she has no will to rest. Their bedroom is at the bottom of the stairs below this tower, but she cannot bring herself to go there now. She has never slept a full night in this castle without her husband, without at least expecting him to join her. Their marriage bed is large and luxurious. It will feel so empty without him. She cannot sleep there.

 She wanders over to the window. A waning moon and hundreds of stars cast a soft glow over her husband’s spinning wheel. When he needs to think, he will spin straw into gold, working continuously from dawn until darkness. A day’s work fills up a bobbin of thread, and he has more bobbins than she could ever count. They mark centuries of pensive isolation. He starts every spinning day with one empty, and the work isn’t over until it’s full. 

 But when she looks at the flyer, a bobbin is already waiting there, half-filled up with gold thread. 

For a moment, she is perplexed. It is unlike Rumple to leave a loose end. But then she smiles. She understands. Her husband has left her with a message. An unfilled bobbin means the day is not done. There is still more work to do.

They are not finished yet.