#jane the virgin crack

[dirtyvulture]

No Glory

Beefy!MMA Fighter!Natasha Romanoff* x Fem!Stripper!Reader

18+ only, read at your own risk

Word count: 3570

Summary: Your club gets a visit from rising boxer Natasha “Black Widow” Romanoff.

*Nat has a 🍆 and is a virgin

AN: Been working on this one for a while... 😉

Sometimes Natasha wonders why she chose this path in life. The chain-link fence of the octagon cage rattles from the spectators’ excitement, reminding her that she’s only here for their entertainment. The eyeballs and cameras drink in the violence and bloodshed like an elixir, the crowd cheering for more. They didn’t pay all that money for a ten-second fight that ends with a single punch to the temple and a body lying still on the mat. They want to see the full three rounds, pushed to the last second, where the fighters can hardly stand straight and blood soaks through the mats.

She circles the pen warily, shifting her weight back to her left leg because her right thigh has swollen to a near-bursting point after taking a rapid succession of roundhouse kicks that probably could’ve fell a house support beam. Blood drips into her left eye and she hopes her eyebrow is at least still attached to her face. She lifts her hands to protect what’s left, her forearms and biceps aching, but she knows if she doesn’t end things soon, she’ll be the one laid out while the audience celebrates.

Her opponent, a pixie-cut blonde with a few inches over her, bounces on the mats with a seemingly endless supply of energy. The only visible damage Natasha’s left on her is a fattened bottom lip. Natasha is annoyed, wishing she had done a better job wearing her opponent out so the end wouldn’t be so difficult. 

She shuffles forward a few steps as much as her injured leg will allow, causing her opponent to bounce back in response. She fruitlessly throws a few punches, which her opponent blocks effortlessly. Her opponent might have the capacity to play around with her the rest of the evening, but Natasha doesn’t have the time. 

She moves backwards now, practically inviting her opponent in for a free hit. When Natasha sees the light of realization in her opponent’s eye, she knows it’s over. She momentarily shifts her weight to her right leg, a spike of adrenaline masking the pain long enough for her to spin on her heel, lifting her left leg as high as she can manage. Her left heel connects with her opponent’s jaw with a satisfying crack.

“KNOCKOUT!” the announcer roars. “Danvers is down!”

Natasha wobbles on both legs as the referee jumps in between her and Danvers, lying frozen stiff on the mats with one arm still raised. She is momentarily jealous of Danvers’s unconsciousness, wishing she could lay down too, but when she sees the look of shock in Danvers’s eyes as she comes to, she isn’t jealous anymore.

“Your winner…Natasha ‘Black Widow’ Romanoff!”

She turns to face the audience, raising a fist and hearing their screams and cheers grow louder. But the win feels empty to her. There was not much at stake at an amateur fight and her reward would be even less after her manager/coach/adoptive father took his cut. Training would be even worse with her new injuries and she already had another fight scheduled in less than a week. As she squints through the bright lights shining down on the octagon, she looks out at the audience, knowing she won’t find you there but wishing she would.

***********************************************************************

“Hey, turn that up,” you say, catching a glimpse of the TV in the mirror.

“Why?” Wanda asks, smearing red lipstick around her mouth. “You’re not into MMA.”

“No, but that one client of hers is,” Jane chimes in and you feel her cheeks heat up. 

“Which one?”

“You know, that buff redhead.”

“Ohhhh.”

You tune them out to focus on the fight. You didn’t really consider Natasha Romanoff a client of yours because she never seemed to want to get actually near you–you could always feel her eyes on you from afar, but every time you approached she suddenly turned icy cold, murmuring excuses and turning down your offer to take her to one of the back rooms for a private show. She was an enigma and a little rude too, but you found yourself hopelessly drawn to her. 

You watch as Natasha limps forward, before spinning around and kicking Danvers in the face. 

“KNOCKOUT! Danvers is down!”

You try to hide your smile. You knew she could do it. She might not have had the greatest track record, but she was still just starting. Maybe she’d come visit you tonight as a way to reward herself, and maybe you’d finally get a real chance to be with her. You turn back to your mirror, reaching for the mascara. You always wanted to make sure you looked the best when she came in.

***********************************************************************

Natasha watches unblinkingly as the nurse presses the enormous ice pack to her bruised thigh, holding it in place with a plastic wrap she’s sure she’s used in the kitchen before. Her ankle is elevated on a chair and she’s only in her underwear now so she caught a full glimpse of the damage Danvers caused before the ice pack hid away most of it. 

She winces when a second nurse pinches the skin above her left eyebrow and presses on a pair of butterfly stitches. 

“How did you win but Danvers walked away better than you?” the first nurse says to no one in particular. Natasha doesn’t answer. 

“I bet the gamblers were not happy with that upset tonight,” the second nurse responds. 

“My daughter knows how to give a show,” a deep Russian voice slurs from behind them. Natasha doesn’t move to acknowledge her father lumber into the locker room. “Very good today, Natasha. Very, very good.” A heavy hand slams painfully on her shoulder and she jolts. “You almost had me fooled, too.” He shakes her and Natasha holds onto the sides of the flimsy metal chair she’s propped in so as not to fall to the floor. “But I trained you well. I know I did.”

“Yes, Dad,” Natasha mumbles, trying to shake his hand off her shoulder. She just wants to be away from everyone now. She hardly cares that it’s her first win in weeks. These were the last people she wanted to be celebrating with.

“Alexei!” The manager walks in next. He’s shorter and smaller than Natasha’s father and Natasha only knows his name as Dreykov. He wears thick-rimmed glasses and has his thin gray hair perpetually slicked back. “I’ve got a good payday for you.”

“For once!” Alexei cheers, walking over to Dreykov. The men share an awkward but enthusiastic handshake, before Dreykov reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a wad of cash. Natasha swears she can see the dollar signs in her father’s eyes as Dreykov begins peeling and counting bills.

“We’ll be celebrating tonight,” Alexei says as he proudly accepts the money. Almost like it’s an afterthought, he turns towards Natasha and offers her a single, hundred-dollar bill. “Here you go, honey. Treat yourself tonight. Go to that club that you like, but don’t bring any of the girls home.” He and Dreykov laugh. Natasha snatches the bill out of his hand. She knows she’s owed more for her share, but she’s too tired to complain. She hates the situation she’s gotten herself into, but knows there’s no escaping it now.

***********************************************************************

Your eyes scan the club, your vision so well-adjusted to the dim lighting and red LEDs that you can still see faces perfectly well. Either she’s not here yet, or she’s playing her usual game and hiding in the corner with a beer.

Wanda bumps your hip with hers and you remember to keep moving down the catwalk, continuing your performance for the rowdy men cheering by the edge of the stage. But you’re not interested in a single one of them tonight. You’re waiting for the redhead to appear, because this time, you aren’t just going to ogle from afar. 

Natasha carefully lifts herself into a stool at the corner of the bar. The ache in her leg is softened a little by the painkillers her father forced her to take before she left the gym, so she orders a Coke instead of her usual beer. She takes a sip, letting the sugar dissolve in her mouth, and rubs her eyes, suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion hit her harder than Danvers had. Maybe she should’ve just gone back to her apartment and slept instead of coming here.

“Hi there.”

Natasha nearly jumps out of her seat. You’re suddenly standing next to her, and you look even more beautiful up close. 

“Um, uh…” Natasha splutters, trying not to spill the Coke on herself and setting it back on its coaster. “Hi.”

“I saw your fight earlier. The girls all pitched in for the pay-per-view,” you say.

“Oh.” Natasha feels her cheeks heat up as red as the mood lighting in the club. “That was nice of them.”

“I knew you’d come here to celebrate your win. Congratulations.”

“It was a lucky kick,” Natasha deflects, feeling infinitely embarrassed by your praise.

“No, you won fair and square,” you insist.

“Thanks,” she finally concedes.

“Not even a beer tonight?” you ask, gesturing to her glass of bubbling Coke.

Natasha shakes her head. “I didn’t want to mix alcohol with painkillers.”

“Oh. Sorry about that.” Natasha hears pity in your voice and her stomach twists. She wishes she could appear stronger and cooler. She’s worried that she’s not living up to your expectations as an MMA fighter, even though she had just won a fight (a first in weeks).

“Can I get you something to drink?” she squeaks, desperate to distract herself from the self-loathing.

You wave her offer away. “I was thinking maybe we could go back to one of the private rooms tonight. If you want to, that is.”

“Me? With you?” Natasha blushes as red as her hair. “I…um…” she splutters. “Sorry, I don’t think I have enough money for that right now.”

“My treat,” you say, putting your hand on her forearm, which tenses up considerably under the leather jacket she’s stretching out.

“Oh, that’s um…very nice of you for offering,” she stammers, pulling her arm away. “But you don’t have to. I don’t want to take your time away from paying customers,” she stalls. 

“I want you,” you emphasize, and it makes Natasha’s stomach do somersaults. She’s dreamed of this moment for months, but resigned herself to the fact that she would never have the confidence to ask you this herself. You probably deserved someone much better than her, not a loser who allowed herself to get beat up for a living. 

“Are you sure?” Natasha asks, giving you one final chance to walk away. She didn’t want you to do anything you might later regret.

“Yes,” you assure, and there’s no way someone as dense as Natasha can mistake the passion in your voice for anything less. Natasha finally takes your hand and she hopes you won’t mind the callouses roughening up her palm. She looks around, as if she’s embarrassed someone will catch her with you. But no one is paying attention with the dancers on the stage, where Natasha would normally watch you from afar.

You take her past the bathrooms, through a door she had never noticed before, to an empty hallway marked with more doors. Buzzed on excitement and nerves, Natasha hardly notices the ache in her leg anymore. 

“This one,” you point out the third one on the left and usher her in. 

Natasha isn’t quite sure what she expected, but it almost reminds her of a hotel room. However, she notices there’s no lock on the inside of the door. 

“Um…” Natasha stands there awkwardly behind you as you close the door. “I need you to know something,” she blurts out.

“Yes?”

“I’m a…um, I mean…” She doesn’t know why it’s so hard to admit, she would rather fight Danvers again with both hands tied behind her back. “I’ve never done…this before,” she says lamely, her face reddening in shame.

“Oh.” Natasha deflates when she hears your reaction. “Well, that’s okay,” you add quickly and she stares at you while holding her breath. “I’d love to be your…first.”

“Really?” She doesn’t want you to see her like a chore you have to get done so you can move along your day. “I’m sorry I never approached you first and just watched you from the bar like a creep. I just thought you were so beautiful that you’d never want to give someone like me a chance–”

You lean forward and press your fingers to her lips. Her eyes widen at your touch but she finally picks up the courage to gently lift her hands to your hips, beckoning you to close the distance between the two of you. 

“Are you sure?” Natasha whispers one last time, her breath warm on your cheeks. You nod as she quickly presses her lips to yours, still carrying an air of nervousness. “Should we…the bed?” she suggests, cringing at how crass it sounds.

You hide a chuckle and allow her to lead you to the queen-sized bed, where she sits on the edge first, parting her legs so you can stand between them. You lean down and kiss her again, this time with more passion, and she cups your cheek with her rough palm. She feels the sudden tightening in her pants and shifts her leg to adjust herself.

“It’s your leg okay?” you ask.

“Um, it’s not my leg…”

“Maybe I can help?” you propose, turning your focus first to her belt and then her zipper.  Natasha tries to help you but you push her hands away; instead, she lifts herself off the bed so that you can pull down her pants and boxers. She moans when your hand closes around her shaft and starts tugging at her gently. 

“Y/N,” she whispers, rocking her hips slightly to push more of herself through your hand. Your hand feels infinitely better than hers ever has and just the thought of what your pussy might feel like has her head reeling already. 

“Do you like that?” you ask, ghosting your lips over hers. Natasha tries to kiss you but pulls back and gasps when you squeeze her head, collecting the pre-cum that dribbles out on your finger. She watches with wide eyes as you bring your finger to your mouth and suck it off, and she throbs even harder in your hand.

“Please, Y/N,” she begs, and even her legs are shaking now too (but she suspects that might also be because her muscles are weak).  

“Sit down and take your clothes off,” you tell her, taking off your jacket and tossing it on the floor. Natasha eyes your curves with a spark of lust, but she doesn’t touch you without permission. She hastily tries to follow your instruction, wanting to watch you undress instead, but with a few fumblings rids herself of the leather jacket and the plain white T-shirt she had been wearing underneath. You’ve left yourself in a pair of lacey lingerie as you crawl onto the bed to join her, pushing her back until her spine bumps against the headboard.

“Still okay?” you ask, straddling her waist but mindful of the enormous dark bruise on her right thigh.

“Can I touch you?” Natasha asks, almost squirming underneath you in desperation.

“Of course,” you say, guiding her hands to your hips where she squeezes them roughly, sliding to the backside of your thighs and pulling you towards her. Her hard cock is pressed against her abs when you fall against her and she jogs her hips to create a slight friction between your bodies. You rock forward, smearing some of her pre-cum onto your stomach. Natasha gasps at the sight and feels herself harden even more, until she’s afraid it’s about to burst on the spot.

“I don’t…know how much longer…I’ll last,” she pants, trying to slow the movement of your hips. You’ve hardly touched her and she isn’t even inside you yet, but the shameful thought deflates her just a little bit.

“Just a little more,” you tease, wrapping your hand around her slick cock and pumping it back to full mast again. Natasha grunts and moans, her muscles flexing in an impressive display for you as she tries to enjoy the pleasure without ruining the moment. Her fingers slip under the band of your panties, but you slap her hand away and she looks up at you guiltily.

“Let me,” you insist, leaning back to slowly shimmy out of your panties. Natasha is worried she’ll start drooling when you finally expose yourself to her, where she can see the glimmering wetness of your anticipation. “Look what you’ve done to me,” you say as you lower yourself to press your wetness against her cock. “Feel it.”

“Fuck, Y/N,” Natasha mumbles, wondering if you can feel how hard her cock is throbbing for you too. She cants her hips up to slide herself through your heat, even though the movement reminds her of the pain in her leg. “I need you, baby.”

“I need you too,” you say, moving to match her rhythm. It fills Natasha with happiness to hear you say this; she’s never had it said to her before and quite literally spent most of her time as a punching bag for others. But even if you’re just caught in the heat of the moment and only viewing her as a favor, she wants to enjoy this and couldn’t be more excited you chose to spend time with her tonight.

“Did you bring protection?” you ask, startling Natasha out of the moment.

“Oh…um, yes. It’s in my wallet,” she says, reminded of the little foil packet one of her sparring buddies had given her as a joke. They wouldn’t be laughing anymore when they learned she had finally gotten the chance to use it.

There is an awkward pause as you lift off of Natasha enough for her to slide out and grab the wallet in her jeans, tearing open the packet as she gets on the bed again. Her hands are trembling as she tries rolling the plastic over herself, but you end up helping her finish. 

“Thanks,” she mutters, embarrassed by her own helplessness.

“It’s okay.” You kiss her forehead and hold onto her shoulder with one hand to steady yourself, the other hand gripping onto her shaft and guiding it towards your entrance. “Ready?”

“Yes,” she says, holding her breath and squeezing your hips tighter. 

She easily slides into you, trapping her in a velvet heat that seems to swallow her whole. The two of you moan in unison and Natasha holds herself very still, torn between wanting to bury her entire length in you and not wanting to hurt you. Her heart is racing with exhilaration but she patiently waits for you to start moving, the arousal in her stomach spiking to an almost painful point when she feels how easily she moves through you.    

Her back arches against the headboard when you purposely squeeze her and her nails claw at your thighs. 

“Come on, Nat,” you say, “Come and fuck me.”

Natasha doesn’t respond with words, but jack her hips up hard, meeting your thighs with hers with an audible slap. Her arousal is so strong now it completely drowns out the lightning bolts of pain from her leg as she pistons eagerly into you, trying to fit all of herself into you. She wants your tightness around every inch of her, massaging her in the best way she’s ever been touched before. She can feel herself leaking in the condom and knows it won’t be too much longer until she busts completely. 

But she wants you to feel good too, and doesn’t want to focus too much on her own pleasure. 

You bounce higher with every one of Natasha’s thrusts and she starts to lose her rhythm the closer she gets to release. Her hips and abs burn and she buries her face in your chest, mouthing at your breasts in a last-ditch effort to distract herself, but to no avail. 

Natasha finishes in a few hard spurts that seem to drain all the energy out of her. She lays back limply against the headboard, the muscles in her thighs still twitching. Your riding slows to a full halt as you wait for her body to stop shaking. Natasha reaches up to stroke your face tenderly.

“Thank you,” she whispers, and you beam down at her.

***********************************************************************

Natasha opens her eyes, feeling like she had been hit by a bus. She looks around and doesn’t recognize the space, before she suddenly remembers her successful fight against Danvers, and then the night she had with you. 

But you’re nowhere to be seen now, although Natasha’s clothes, which she had haphazardly tossed to the floor, are now collected in a neat stack on a chair. She gets up to put her clothes on and her phone falls out of her jeans pocket. The screen lights up with text messages from her father, wondering why she was late to practice that morning.

The harshness of reality slapping her in the face, she hurries to dress. She isn’t even sure if she’s supposed to be here, but she finds a back door and sneaks out, unsure if she’ll ever have the confidence to return.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Sorry this ended kind of sad, I’ve been really sad lately so it only made sense lol.

Please like, reblog, and comment! Follow for more content. 🥰

[gagaewo]

BIG FLIRT | BIG JERK ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

Synopsis: 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒄𝒖𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒎𝒆𝒙𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝑺𝒂𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒖 𝑮𝒐𝒋𝒐 ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

cw: AFAB in mind, crack, fluff fluff fluff, suggestiveness, teasing, pet names (babe, baby, cutie), he can be a jerk when he wants to be, drug use (Mary Jane only once), masturbation (m), virginity loss, p in the v (wrap it before u tap it), squirting mention, oral sex (f), aftercare always a must!

wc: 1.9k

a\n: I'm supposed to finish choso x bimbo!reader, but instead I got side track and decided to write this to boost my brain up ^^. I'm very rusty so I apologize if it's not good, I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY :D!

inspiration: big flirt by lil hero

MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI!

❀𝑺𝑭𝑾❀

Boyfriend!Satoru - is infatuated in everything about you; and when he means everything, he means everything! Heart-shaped eyes seeing you, however, state you're in. He's obsessed with the way you smell, look, feel, and taste. Makes sure you know you're the most beautiful thing his six-eyes laid on.

Boyfriend!Satoru - who enjoys seeing you become flustered when he gives you surprise kisses on your face. He'd grab you by your waist, shoulders, hands, neck (his favorite part to wrap his hands around), and give you a sweet 'smack'!The way you shy your face away afterward always boosts his ego just a little.

Boyfriend!Satoru - who's on top of you when you wake up most mornings. His body weight crushes you in, so you can't escape :P. Other times, he's behind you; muscular arms wrapped around your mid-section tightly, breath tickling your ear when he lets out soft snores. Snuggled in so nicely he never ever wants to leave, and gets whiny when you do try to leave his grasp.

Boyfriend!Satoru - Buys you an expensive gift anytime you accomplish a big goal! Got a raise at your current job? Congratulations he just bought you a fucking Lamborghini. Didn't like the model? Oh, it's okay he'll just buy you another Lambo, but the newest model (the one that's not even out yet), you quite literally can not deny such a gift either. It's not just cars he'll get you. No- it depends on the last thing you look at on shopping sites, and he'll immediately buy everything in your wishlist/cart. Why? Because you work so hard to accomplish your goals he just HAS to do something for you!

Boyfriend!Satoru - who accidentally got you high because Suguru brought him edible brownies. You also have a sweet tooth like Satoru - so you decided to try some! Which left you laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling for two hours. Satoru silently freaking out; giving you your third cup of water now. How many grams were in the brownies, you ask? 1000 MG. Safe to say you slept for a good 14 hours after that incident.

Boyfriend!Satoru - Play fights with you when you're in a low mood, hoping it will work to take your mind off the small stuff. With his great strength he can easily pick you up and gently slam you down into the ground, couch, or the bed; one thing he always does is place his large hand on the back of your head just incase he miscalculated, so you won't seriously get hurt ^^.

However, when you do get mad at him, he has a difficult time trying to understand your feelings. Sometimes, trying to be 'funny' when you're talking to him about something serious doesn't always work. So, Boyfriend!Satoru - who would do anything for you - buys you bouquets and bouquets of your favorite flowers (mixed with blue flowers that match his eyes), with the most adorable sad look in his eyes as he confronts you with a soft tone that he's sorry. Of course, you forgive him.

Boyfriend!Satoru - who really knows how to piss you off on purpose, even though he meant no harm; he just can't help but want to see the way you glare at him again. You know how he's a striking 6'3 "man? Of course, you're going to be shorter than him, and he takes advantage of it! Wondering where the cookie jar suddenly went? Oh, it's on top of the fridge. Pushed all the way in the corner back. Now you're going to need a stepping stool, or you're climbing onto the counters.

"Satoru! Stop messing with the cookies!"

"You know, it's getting pretty boring hearing you blame me for misplacing things~"

"You fucker you pushed it too far!"

"Did not!"

Sat on the couch comfortably, his eyes watched the way you stood on your tippy toes, your arm's reaching at the top of the white fridge- palm out trying to reach the cookies. He bit back a chuckle watching you struggle, but he admired the view anyway. The shirt you wore just slightly - your panties now in his view. Standing up swiftly, Satoru amble his way over with a growing smirk on his lips.

Letting out a huff, you cursed silently. You turn around to go find the stepping stool - only to be blocked by Satoru. His sweet cologne filled your senses. His hand - rather bigger hands than yours - gently placed onto your shoulder softly massages your muscle.

"Here baby, let me get it for you."

Brows furrowed, a smack echoed in the kitchen when you slap his hand away. "Why do this on purpose?"

Not bothered by the stinging sensation, His glossy lips pulled into a smirk. "Do you know why my sweetie?" He spoke in a sickly sweet tone.

His other hand, palmes your blood filled cheeks, caressing softly with the pad of his thumb. Face scrunched up, your cheeks hot, feeling more irritated. "Because you like pissing me off."

Hearing your grumbled response, he adjusted both of his hands, placing his palms on your cheeks, and then lightly mushed them. Letting out a deep sigh, his eyes dart everywhere on your face; observing the way your eyebrows still furrowed and your eyes glaring at his.

Grinning now, he leaned down, pressing a sloppy butterfly kiss on the bridge of your nose; earning a soft annoyed grunt from you.

"Forgive me for my little stunt, and I'll give you your cookies back."

You scoff, now avoiding eye contact with the blue eyed-sorcerer. You bring his hand closer to your lips, pressing a soft kiss to it. "I suddenly don't want my cookies anymore-"

Removing his hands from your grasp, he kneels down, wrapping his arms around your thighs before lifting you up. A shirek escaped your throat as your view of the kitchen looked higher. You were now leveled with the cookies. You didn't understand why he couldn't just grab it himself for you. But, alas, he loves showing off his strength to you.

"Get the cookies baby, I know you want them~"

♡︎𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾♡︎

Boyfriend!Satoru -, who loves to grope you anytime he can. His large hands on your body, anytime of the day - just grabbing at your sides, breast, ass, and thighs. (Pouts anytime you'd pull away cause the mf pulls that shit in public, too :P)

"Dont reject my love! I just want to hold you, baby~"

"Satoru, please, we're in the middle of the store, and people are looking!"

"They can stare i dont care- OOH, can we get some mochi ice cream?"

Boyfriend!Satoru - who was your first, who took your virginity sweetly. Who made sure you were comfortable in his king-size bed, his hand in yours interlinked softy; slowly rolling his hips into yours. Kissing any tears away, he'd stay still for a moment waiting for your 'okay'. Your pleasure will always come first before his.

Boyfriend!Satoru - who gets sexually frustrated when he isn't inside you for a day. Ever since you guys took it to the next level, he's been HOOKED and swears he'll never get enough of you. You underneath him or on your knees plays in his mind 50% of the time, the other 50% is your eyes and smile.

Boyfriend!Satoru - fists his cock thinking about you, letting out sweet groans into the echoed bedroom just thinking about you. He never felt so starved from your touch before till now, when you're busy or at your own place - he figures his dirty thoughts to himself. But that doesn't stop him from sending you pictures, videos, or whimper audios if you so ask nicely.

Boyfriend!Satoru - whose favorite position with you is probone. Addicted to the way you feel beneath him, he seriously couldn't get enough. The way your pussy clutched against his pretty dick so tightly when he hit that sweet spot always made his eyes roll into his head.

"Mmhmfm~...f-uck Satoru~"

"Shhhh just take it baby, yeah don't even worry I got you-"

Your hands clutching his white bed sheets, knuckles turning white as you moaned out. Your mouth in a 'O', panting just slightly; his cock so deep in you you felt it all. You felt the way he glided in and out of you at a settle but fast pace. A sudden whimper left your mouth when he'd suddenly quicken his pace up. Letting go of the bed sheet with one hand, it went flying to your mouth, letting it muffle your pornographic whines. Face burning up, you felt so hot.

Oh but Satoru didn't like that. He loved hearing every sound coming from your mouth, he lived on it as it was his oxygen. Leaning onto one arm, his now free hand swiftly- snatching your hand from your mouth. He then pinned that arm against your back, grip tight as he tuts, "Nuh-uh, none of that baby I wanna hear you."

Boyfriend!Satoru - makes you squirt at least 2 times before penitrating. It was a rule he settled (in his head, at least), so it would help you take him in better. And it did work, arguably working a little too good, because after that, he gets to savor in your fucked-out face. You wouldn't shy away as much anymore and let everything out.

Boyfriend!Satoru - who has denied your orgasm 4 times in a hour, to be fair he thought you deserved it. You were pressing your breast all in Suguru's face, after all. This was the outcome every time you pulled petty shit.

"Please please please Toru, lemme cum please im sorry~!"

"You're so sorry? Hah, what if I get Suguru in here and watch you cum on my tongue like a bitch in heat huh? You like him don't you?"

Practically sobbing, you shake your head, trying not to fumble on your words. Mascara running down your face with your salty tears, "N-No no I like you~ nngh please lemme cum!"

Slurping up his own saliva on your pussy, he gives it a slight slap before pressing two fingers inside your walls immediately. "You wait till im done playing with you. Got it?"

Boyfriend!Satoru - after a good fuck session he always treats you well. Pampering you with kisses and praises, making sure you were alright and he didn't go too far.

A kiss there and another kiss there, he litters your face with his soft kisses. You laid there, sweaty, hot and sore. Your muscles ached, making you hiss when you tried to sit up. Satoru who immediately took notice of your discomfort, gently pressed you down back on the bed.

"I'm sorry cutie I should've went easy on you."

You shook your head, a small smile appeared on your features. "I'm okay toru." You inhaled a deep breath, letting it out shortly after. Your mind was at peace but feeling a little worn out, you really could use a nap.

Pressing another kiss to your cheek, he got up from the bed with a small grunt. Aiming towards the bathroom to grab a wash cloth, not wanting you to nap in your mixed cum.

Coming back a couple seconds later with a pep in his step, he climbed back on the bed. The warm wash cloth startling you a little, than slowly you relaxed in his touch.

"Just relax baby, let Satoru clean you up, then you can rest, yeah?" He let out a breathy chuckle, taking in your post-orgasm glow.

Subtly nodding you let out a hum in acknowledgment, feeling yourself slipping into unconsciousness you then spoke in a soft tone, "Love you."

The warm wash cloth smoothly glided over your skin, wiping the cum off your pussy with caution. A soft giggle erupt in the room that came from you. Smiling softly at your laughter he sighed heavily, tiredness and in admiration of you. "I love you too."

do not repost on any other sites/claim my work as yours.

Copyright @gagaewo !!

[teddyeyeseddie]

!Welcome to The Cowboy Cult!

!Hi hello howdy !

★ My name is Sam and I am your resident cowboy lover and local sheriff. It's all about Eddie Munson and Steve Harrington round these parts, so saddle up and enjoy your ride on our local bull, Ajax!--->🐂

★ Ajax is a known roughrider so all participants must be 18 years or older to ride

★ You can take up all matters concerning our local bandits (STEVE AND EDDIE) with our town's wonderful deputy, @lofaewrites

★ Any and All complaints may be taken up with Ms. Phoenix (she’s 8 months old, she won’t understand you)

★Requests are: OPEN

MASTERLIST

The Cherrywood Motel

Rockstar!Eddie X Housekeeper!Reader

You knock several times on the door, no answer coming from the other side. You knock once more, just to be sure. Silence. You take out your key and begin opening the door when suddenly it swings open.  On the opposite side of the door stands a tall, lean, beautiful man. He has inky black tattoos creeping up his arms, the dark contrast on the skin drawing your eyes to anywhere and everywhere on the man’s body.  “It’s’ 10 o’clock, what do you want, sweets?” The man groans as he holds back the long brown hairs that have slipped from the bun resting atop his head.""

To Hell I Go

Bull Rider!Steve X Reader

""By the time he graduated highschool, Steve had sought out any and all adrenaline highs his small town had to offer. There weren’t enough cliffs for him to jump off of, there wasn’t a dirt bike that went fast enough, and there wasn't a horse that bucked hard enough to tame the fire that bloomed in Steve’s veins.  He was 18 years old the first time he rode in his first rodeo. He lasted 6.6 seconds earning him a score of 46. He came in second, going home with a medal and a gift card to the town’s local steak house. Once he started, he was hooked. The high he felt when he rode couldn’t touch any other feeling in the world. ""

Dizzy On The Comedown

Steddie X Reader

""You must be Steve,” You counter with a small smile, he nods his head and leads you to the living room where you're met with another, pretty stranger. “Who is it babe?” the stranger asks Steve, who blushes at the pet name. “S’ possibly a new roommate, this is Y/N. Robin’s friend,” “Nice to meet you darlin’, m’ Eddie..” he says as he cracks the prettiest smile you have ever seen.""

Devil Horns & Mary Jane

Virgin!Eddie X Reader

""You’re a dork,” you say with a shrug, “I don’t think you’d survive in jail so I decided to spare you,”  “Okay, ouch. I am not a dork,” Eddie defends, eyes trained forward as he walks with you. “What do you do in your free time?” “Play D&D, read, write music, watch horror films,” he states obviously. “See, dork,” you bump your hip with his, smiling as you do so. Eddie meets your smile with a frown, his eyebrow furrowing as he looks at you.""

[whathappenstotheheart]

Now, and Earlier - 4 or More Ficathon fic

My little X-files crack fic for the @fourormore ficathon is now up! It is a very silly thing that I am vaguely thinking of as the Jane the Virgin AU and that will eventually have chapters added. In short, there has been a mix-up at the fertility clinic where the Skinners, and Scully and Mulder, are seeking IVF treatment. This part is sort of just a teaser? Short (and silly!), but I wanted to get it out for the ficathon.

I had wanted to add this to the @smash-the-champagne-bottle challenge too, but those fics don't get revealed until later and I've already posted since the ficathon is over soon, so oh well!

Now, and Earlier

Fandom: The X-Files

Ship: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully/Walter Skinner/Sharon Skinner

WC: 857

Read on AO3 - Read on SquidgeWorld

[doomedlemur]

Good Omens Fanfic Recs

I decided to write up and sort my fanfic recommendations and thoughts, mostly for my own benefit, as an organized list of my favorites for reference. But also, here it is in case anyone's interested.

Heads up, no post-season 2 fix-it fics on this list if that's what you're looking for. I've got mostly historical canon-compliance and AUs. A few post-season 1 canon-divergent.

Also, I'm a sucker for pining, but also headcanon these guys (gn) as demisexual virgins, so nearly all are ace-friendly except the long AUs.

Canon Compliant - short

In general I favor canon compliance and keeping in character. Part of what got me hooked on Good Omens fanfic was the immense breadth of history available to explore with these characters. Let's list in approximate chronological order!

Little Monkey in a Waistcoat (<1k) - Did you catch that line? Crowley spent much of the Battle for Heaven in monkey form!

A Letter from “Crawly” to Azirapil (<1k) - Fanfic in Cuneiform. Amazing.

see, how the most dangerous thing is to love (6.8k) - 1185 BC. Crawly and Aziraphale meet during the Trojan War as Achilles mourns Patroclus. Super well-researched and thought out with the Iliad! I'll be looking for more from this writer.

Cat's Charm & Serpent's Sorrow (<1k) - 942 BC. They come upon each other in a temple in Egypt.

Day 7: Alexandria (<1k) - Just a little saving of people and scrolls in the fire.

Ex Maria virgine (1.6k) - Gabriel at the annunciation! Pregnancy, how does that work??

that old common arbitrator, time (1.1k) - 1602. An epilogue of sorts for the Trojan War one, Crowley and Aziraphale critique Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida. Lots of fun references.

the stars are the same as ever (4.4k) - Vignettes about Crowley hanging out with astronomers in the 17th century.

Mean It (2k) - The origin of the Apology Dance. 1650, 1793, and 1941 all featured. Short and sweet, very believable. Just as flirty as I imagined.

Good Old-Fashioned Coffee Shop Date (1k) - 1750. Crowley goes to a coffeehouse to start an argument and guess who's also there!

well-versed in etiquette, extraordinarily nice (3k) - Jane Austen, mastermind of the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery, brandy-smuggler, master spy, and wrote books too. Well-researched, with Austen-esque prose, and perfectly fills in the background for how Crowley remembers her.

Crossing Paths (3k) - Edinburgh, 1827. Showing how Crowley and Aziraphale crossed paths there, and dropping us off where the Resurrectionists minisode begins. Delightful.

Temporary Tattoo (9.8k) - Okay, this one's arguable on the canon compliance, it's kinda a crack-fic (and feels way more 19th century than 11th so I'm putting it here in the chronology) but I loved it. Crowley's snake tattoo wanders, and he can feel what it feels. (The sequel is also really sweet, though definitely canon divergent.)

I stretch out the time (and now I know why) (6k) - 1960's ineffable wives and what happened to make Aziraphale say Crowley goes too fast.

Visibilium omnium et invisibilium (5.8k) - 1969. Crowley's planning another heist! Really silly. Excellent.

Orchids and Tea (3k) - A shameless plug for my own fic. Meet the old lady downstairs who Crowley gives his "bad" plants to.

What You've Lost But Never Had (3k) - A sweet outsider POV with Maggie's closeted grandfather.

So You Need To Get Into A.Z. Fell & Co.; Now What? (A Guide For Unfortunate Bookworms) (1.8k) - Handy guide for interpreting the store hours, etc.

All of This is Completely Normal Here (6.8k) - Some pre-armageddon fun with Crowley and Aziraphale being interviewed at a police station. Crowley is a regular and they have bingo cards.

The Disposables (7.5k) - Arguably canon divergent. Surprisingly heartwarming. Eric the Disposable Demon is buds with the Usher.

When You're Through With Life and All Hope is Lost (Friends Will Be Friends) (<1k) - COVID-era ficlet post-Lockdown minisode.

The Last Four Years (11.7k) - Perfectly fills in the gap between the seasons with all the feelings and poor communication that brought us here, from the Ritz to Aziraphale's phone call.

Pointless (1.5k) - An exploration of Crowley as he is at the beginning of season 2, anxious and depressed about the pointlessness of it all.

Been Together Long? (1.2k) - It's so common for fics to depict Crowley as knowingly in love but hiding his feelings for 6000 years. But I don't think he's self-aware enough for that, and I really do believe that was an Oh moment with Nina on the street. This fic is an excellent insight into what he was thinking there.

The Afternoon Lecture (<1k) - A cute little outsider POV fic, set sometime in the Happily Ever After probably.

The Slings and Arrows of Angelic Archery (<1k) - Guess which historical/legendary figure Crowley was! Sadly just a little modern-day conversation about it rather than the actual thing. (I'm writing it though, stay tuned! 👀)

A Narrow Escape to the Country (10.7k) - This one is so fun! Crowley and Aziraphale are guests on a house-hunting TV show. (Established relationship with innuendo, but all sexy times are off-camera.)

My Roommate from Hell (5.7k) - Warlock ends up college roommates with Adam, and yeah, Warlock's upbringing made him kinda weird.

But the greatest of these is love (2.1k) - Lovely/sweet/silly garden fluff for the happily ever after.

Canon Divergent - long

Divergent in that these were written before season 2 came out, so branch off from after season 1.

Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach (99k) - This one is recommended a lot I know, but deservedly so. This was the first GO fanfic I read, as I idly looked to see what had the most kudos. And then I couldn't put it down.

Instructions Not Included (68k) - Plot heavy but excellent. I loved the writing style of this one; it's so evocative with its metaphors, but without being flowery. Sadly left a few unanswered questions since the sequel was abandoned, but it's still well worth reading. Very realistic progression of feelings between Crowley and Aziraphale (intimacy without sexuality).

The Sandford Flower Show (E) (46k) - This was a bit of a painful read with flashbacks to ancient Egypt, but it's very good. Many feels. (Higher sex-drive than I generally prefer for canonverse, so note that E rating.)

Canon Divergent - short

Slow (9.3k) - Adam assumed Crowley and Aziraphale were married and restored the bookshop with a marriage certificate on the wall. Miscommunication and sweetness ensues.

Human AUs - long (modern day)

It took me a while to warm up to the idea of reading AUs, since the immortal natures and powers of Crowley and Aziraphale are so integral to their characters (also I personally don't seek out fanfics for the smut and the highly rec'd ones are nearly always Explicit). But after seeing Slow Show in particular recommended so often, I finally gave it a go. Yes, the human versions of the characters are always different in varying ways, but I've found it really fascinating to see the different ways characters, scenes, and lines get reinterpreted in AUs and have now read way more of them than I expected to.

Slow Show (E) (95k) - I have never in my life read anything (fanfic or otherwise) as emotionally intense as Slow Show. This fic is all lust and angst and I physically felt the agony of it for days while I read. While other fics are also explicit, this is the most mature and "adult" feeling with its themes. Yes this fic is recommended a lot, but its reputation is well earned. However, that said, I wouldn't say it's my favorite.

Old Vines (E) (189k) - Excellent slow burn. This one really captures the aspect of them both being anxious/frustrated under contractual obligations, wishing they could be freer to do their own thing. Truly gratuitous descriptions of all aspects of wine, from growth, production, tasting, and quantity consumed. I learned a lot. Was also actually really inspired by Aziraphale's journey in this.

Or Be Nice (E) (151k) - I wasn't sure I'd like this one at first, but I'm glad I went for it. It's more a character study than a drama. Well done progression from enemies to lovers, and some of the very best conversational dynamics (if a bit of ngk overuse). This one highlights the petty/mischievous sides of Crowley and Aziraphale that are rarely found in fanfics, and the execution is delightful. Loved Anathema in this also.

stalwart sun, wily moon (370k) - (What, a non-explicit long AU??) This fic is amazing. Yes, long, it could use some editing to cut back a tad tbh, but still, amazing. Heist AU with an intriguing plot and life or death stakes. Characters and side characters all really well done, incorporates everything from the botched baby swap to the Great Plan and more. Amazing. Really. Only fic I've bought a physical printing of.

Talk about the weather (81k) - (Technically not explicit but yeah no they have sex.) Weatherman/stormchaser AU. They have an Arrangement. The premise of this one was weird for me because I headcanon Crowley as disliking the rain, but it's good. Not the typical characterizations you see in fics, which was really refreshing. Finally! Someone who remembers Aziraphale is kind of a bastard who doesn't say what he means, and someone who lets Crowley be happy and confident instead of a nervous wreck!

on the same page (E) (117k) - They're both writers. A very good execution of your classic fake marriage. Some lush metaphorical prose. Excellent characterizations on our pair, and the setup preceded by 6 years of intense yearning was just perfect. I do wish the side characters had gotten more fleshed out.

Married at First Sight (146k) - This premise is so silly (though then again the TV show does really exist), but it's actually really well done. The feels nearly made me cry.

And so beguile thy sorrow (48k) - Aziraphale is a librarian and Crowley is "that patron." The premise may not sound very unique, but it's excellent. Really clever. Nice slow burn. This fic remembers they are not well adjusted, and leaves a lot unsaid, which I kinda like. Highly recommended, particularly if you like fics that mirror season 1 story beats.

Find the Light (E) (97k) - Headmaster/Rock star AU. This one has a dynamic that I have been dying to see: that they know they are loved by the other, but can't speak or act on it for Reasons, while at the same time being unable to stay away from each other. Pining without uncertainty or loneliness. Love it. Really, they're too sweet and communicative to truly be in character, but it's a beautiful fic. (Written post s2 so we get Muriel and Nina, and Metatron is the villain instead of Gabriel.)

Human AUs - long (historical)

On Espionage and Prophecy (E) (133k) - Take the first season 1941 flashback and make it a novel-length human AU. Aziraphale's a bookseller and Crowley's a spy working with him to double-cross the double-crossing Nazis. I will say the plot contrivance sometimes requires a bit of suspension of disbelief, but that's okay, it's fun and has some great pining.

Half Agony, Half Hope (E) (31k) - Regency era AU, but it's not all Jane Austen fantasy-land. We've got some real history lessons here, highlighting the political struggles of the time. This one's on the short side, but doesn't really feel like it; time passes behind the scenes, so the relationship doesn't feel rushed. Overall it's excellent and really deserves more love.

Human AUs - short

On the Ethics of Asking Your Professor on a Date (7.4k) - I kinda wish this one was a bit better with the showing vs. telling in places, but I still found it really charming.

Postcards From Paris (12k) - Crowley starts receiving postcards from an A.Z.F. meant for the previous tenant, and after awhile gets a chance to write back. Very sweet.

Oh, Lord, Heal This Love (7.3k) - "Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don't know each other." Very funny and also really sweet.

Miscellaneous AUs - short

air conditioned, love unconditional (8.8k) - AU where Aziraphale is a ceiling fan and Crowley is an air conditioning unit. Look, it's adorable, okay? (though the ending is kinda silly)

Speaking in Code (8.9k) - Cute queer Outsider POV. Aziraphale and Crowley become college professors in their retirement. Arguably canon compliant, but I'm calling it an AU since I don't really see it happening. A+ for the accurate gender treatment on Aziraphale.

Lit (12.7k) - Technically canon-divergent from the book? Crowley takes a university course on literature and surprise! The book they’re discussing is Good Omens. Crack treated seriously. It works really well actually!

Like a spiral sea unending (1.1k) - Crowley is a black hole, Aziraphale is a giant star. They're drawn to each other like gravity (pun intended).

[bluestcr]

Edit feito baseado nesse teste e inspirado por esse post.

When something seems too perfect, it’s usually anything but. — Allison Hargreeves, The Umbrella Academy

I'm basically an insecure, neurotic, control freak on crack. — Caroline Forbes, The Vampire Diaries

Then you walked in and my heart went 'Boom!— Eliza Hamilton, Hamilton

Did you ever feel like there's a whole other person inside you just looking for a way to come out? — Gabrialla Montez, High School Musical

Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing. — Mary Margareth Blanchard, Once Upon A Time

Nothing excites me before 11:00. — Rory Gilmore, Gilmore Girls

A rich playboy with an entitled attitude missing a basic sensitivity chip. He was so much nicer in my head. — Jane Villanueva, Jane The Virgin

Look at you, your whole world revolves around me. Maybe you're the one who needs to turn it all off. — Elena Gilbert, The Vampire Diaries

[goingnearlyinsane]

alright, I’ll bite

What about color theory in homestuck?

*rubs hands together evilly* this fits in with a religion thing, I'll talk about that later. It's fairly obvious looking at the colors surface level what's what. Time is red, space is green (may originally be assumed to be black). There's also life (green) and blood (red) which show more of where this is headed. This is where I'm focused right now. The first time and space players we're introduced to are Dave and Jade. They do show part of this. Actually, I might just give you a list of char/color associations for this specifically.

green: red:

Jade Dave

Kanaya aradia

Porrim Damara

calliope Caliborn

The dolorosa The sufferer

Jake Kankri/karkat

something they all have in common, by color, is and association with life/creation for green and death/destruction for red. Jade is a gardener, calliope loves writing and art, the Maryams (kanaya, porrim, and the dolorosa) have ties to gardening and motherhood. Dave likes fossils and preserved lizards, aradia likes bones while also being dead herself, karkat has links to the grim reaper through his sickles, and Caliborn is... Caliborn.

Going through you may notice something else many of the have in common: Bible symbolism. The sufferer is literally known as troll Jesus. And because I like putting things in charts, I'll do that for the troll characters.

kanaya: her entire family line is based off the Virgin Mary (see: dolorosa). the mothergrub, her lusus, is also a "mother of all trolls" same as one might say eve was the mother of all of mankind.

Aradia: *cracks knuckles* this is a fun one. First off her names. Aradia is the name of a pagan goddess (not biblical, but fun to know) and megiddo, on which her name is based, is the basis for the name Armageddon (Tran: Hill of megiddo). That's also part of her boyfriends trollian name (twinArmageddons). Apocalypse (of apocalypseArisen) means revelation, like the book of revelation. Not to mention she quite literally brings about the end of the world. The 'arisen' part probably is talking about the other sign of the end, everyone rising from the dead for judgement day.

Calliope/Caliborn: yet another fun one! First off, seraphim are the harbingers of doom in the book of revelation. On a slightly unrelated note, they are most likely meant to be a syzygy, two (one masculine, one feminine) opposite forces, working together. Caliborn is part of Lord English. And the snake symbolism, snakes are both symbols of life and fertility, and of destruction, and there's the green apple/red apple thing, plus the association of snakes and trees (again with the growth/decay motif)

Jake: the association with skulls. The PC name. The vibe. It's low-key kinda obvious, he's meant to refer to where Jesus died. Mount Golgatha, referenced in his PC name, golgathasTerror, was where Jesus was crucified. It was also commonly referenced as a skull-shaped hill. Now, his boyfriend dirk is a very obvious gnostic reference. His denizen is literally the demiurge. I'm assuming the two of them and their friends are supposed to be a trinity sort of thing. Jane is Sophia (wisdom), Roxy is hylekoi (material), dirk is psychekoi (psychological) and Jake is pneumatikoi (spiritual). Jake is also part of Lord English, so.

The dolorosa/the sufferer: as I said before, the dolorosa is based on the Virgin Mary. Her name is a reference to 'sedet mater dolorosa' (rough Tran: the mother sits weeping/in pain), a title of the Virgin mary. She found the sufferer as a grub (baby) and adopted him, which was the first time something like that had ever happened. The sufferer grew up to lead a revolt, and became, as said before, essentially troll Jesus.

alright, I'm tired. I'll upd8 it if I think of anything else.

Upd8 1: I FORGOT THE SPATIAL-TEMPORAL THING. so essentially there are two axes. Spatial, which is heaven, hell, earth, and God. So basically all the creative aspects. Then there's Temporal, which is time in general, but more specifically the End Times. This also fits in with aradia as she, the maid of time, helps (maid) to usher in the End (time).

[mermaidsirennikita]

omg your description of the Ramin/Sierra rendition of point of no return scratched a brain itch I've had for years bc YES! That's literally why that song hits so hard for me! Do you have any book recs that would fit that sexually charged vulnerable angry energy? 🙏 or books where one of the pair is "monstrous" in some way?

Lol yes! I love that energy.

As a sweeping generalization, of course, I must recommend Kresley Cole's Immortals After Dark, because they will always give you that "scary man/seemingly fragile woman who's made of steel and the sexuality is WEIRD" energy.

I would especially recommend A Hunger Like No Other (Lachlain very literally takes Emma captive, dubcon and all, and has this resentful hate her/love her thing with her for a while, at the same time considering her His Precious, also he's been underground for 150 years and when they meet she tries to run and he pins her to the ground and goes "DO NOT RUN FROM ONE SUCH AS ME" and it's a banger).

Dark Needs at Night's Edge has a virgin vampire hero and a ghostly heroine who performed as a ballerina, imprisoned together, and he's fully crazy and also afraid of like, unleashing himself on her. It's soooo angsty and sad and horny. Take a shot every time Conrad licks a vampire fang because Kresley's vampires have fangs that lengthen when they're horny.

Lothaire, obviously, once again has a virgin kidnapped by a man who hasn't had sex in............ in Lothaire's case, like 2,967 years. Lothaire is super resentful of Ellie, while also being drawn to her, and the feeling is mutual. Another incredibly horny book, but what I really love is that he like... has to actually learn that there is a difference between possessing someone and loving them. Because in his heart, Lothaire is like, 11.

Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale LOL FULL. FUCKIN. STOP. A medieval romance between a teenage girl (like she's 17, y'all have been warned) and the man she met when she was six and he was sixteen and he dropped her off at her sister's place like so much garbage then went off to do more assassin things. Allegreto. Is. CRACKED. You can see him as a teen in For My Lady's Heart, and he's cracked there, too! Just a broken twisted man who likes to kill people and also submit to a good flogging from the woman he forced to marry him! I laugh and I cry. This is beautifully written and hot and absolutely will give you that "ingenue is mentored by her evil mentor but also has the ability to emotionally crush him" material. There are also so many scenes in this book where Allegreto is like, shaking while Elayne touches him in a sexual manner~, like soaked chihuahua shaking cock out and leaking like a faucet, and that's very Phantom imo. Heads up though the first sex scene in this book is noncon, though it is very "old school historical consummate the marriage she says no but she enjoys part of it and oh hey we've discovered he's into being hurt" noncon. He's also super dangerous and kinda monstrous!

Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt. I bring this one up because again, villain romance; the heroine is not at all an ingenue, but the hero is a campy, ridiculous man who like, kills people while completely naked and wearing a bejeweled robe. But he's also, like, legitimately insane due to profound abuse he suffered as a child (heads up; sexual abuse, animal torture to psychologically abuse a child, the works) and as he falls in love with her this super intense vulnerable bond forms between them. This is very "he's physically beautiful but mentally wrecked" on the monster scale.

The Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt is a softer, less insane touch but may also give you that vulnerable angsty angry sexuality with the added benefit of a hero who also feels monstrous because of his looks. The hero has disfiguring smallpox scars and the heroine is his secretary with whom she forms a very Rochester/Jane bond, but he needs to marry a woman on his level and women won't have sex with him for free because of his face (I mean, he also doesn't try to be fair) so he goes to this fancy brothel. Heroine finds out and is pISSED because they had unresolved sexual tension and so she sneaks into the brothel wearing a mask and has sex with him by the dark of light.

Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli. YEAH. I'M PUTTING A DARK MAFIA ROMANCE ON THIS LIST. It's over the top, it's campy, it's ultimately about a man becoming obsessed with a woman and kidnapping her and keeping her on his yacht and making her his pet while knowing she's gonna bite back at any minute all because her brother-in-law mentally and physically tortured him to the point of his brain breaking???? He can't stand to be touched because of all the torture???? He gives her an ipad so she can sketch her clothing designs and then is like "and now it's time for my treat" and goes down on her? Lol the sex in this is wild at points, but there's also a fear of true intimacy in it, and Enzo is seen as a monster, and kinda sees himself as a monster. He's also CERTIFIABLY INSANE.

Priest by Sierra Simone. This isn't gonna give monstrous vibes, but the way the sex in this book plays with the sacred and profane, the way the hero struggles with it and feels like he should basically hide himself from this woman, the way he is! A Catholic priest! To whom she's confessing! Which is a bit of a conflict of interest! It's..... a lot.

Pippa and the Prince of Secrets by Grace Callaway (my favorite Grace thus far) does have a scarred hero who wears a mask while running a criminal spy network populated by child soldiers he calls to him with a flute? The heroine is his former childhood friend and a widow whose husband SUCKED. SUCKED BALLS. And not in a fun way, and she and the hero reconnect--but he wasn't scarred when they knew each other before, and he spends a lot of the book hiding his face from her (which is funny, because he's also got an exhibitionist/voyeur streak for sure). When he does let her see, it's so ridiculously soft and vulnerable sad and I love it lots. She also sits on his face, which does give "now that is a face I'd be happy to sit on" vibes most romantic line in a superhero film let's talk about it

King's Captive by Amber Bardan is a truly fucking insane dark romance that I can't even begin to describe aside from saying that the book opens on the heroine's birthday party, where everyone has been gunned down and the hero is like "happy birthday baby" and then you cut forward like 3-5 years and he's kept her on an island and left her untouched and she wants to escape but she's also drawn to him and he makes these amazing steaks but he's also kinda scary and at one point he makes her a mixtape and she puts it on and masturbates knowing somehow that he's on the other side of the day, aware that she's masturbating, also masturbating.

Kathryn Ann Kingsley's Tenebris trilogy has a 1920s vibe and a plucky heroine who's like "I think my missing twin brother joined a cult" and asking his hot former professor "did you initiate my brother into a cult" while he's like "uh no but I did merge my body and soul with a Cthulu shadow monster that keeps wanting to come out and fuck you, which I want to do also" and she's like "neat". She did do a straight up Phantom of the Opera retelling or something. It did not work for me; it might work for you.

[ao3feed-stevebucky]

The Astrophile, the Suit, & the Paragon of Truth

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/obkqBUj

by idontcare5, iwritetragediesnotsin

A tale of three watchers: a fix-it with someone who gets all of their science knowledge from Tumblr possessing one of the MCU's foremost scientific minds, Steve Rogers causing chaos by being the bicon we all want him to be, and Coulson getting possessed by a thirteen year old who has hyper fixated on the MCU for the last year and half.

“Captain Rogers,” said the historian interviewing him for the documentary, “is there any credit to the theory that you lost your virginity to a USO girl?”

Steve hesitated.

“No, I’m afraid not."

“You’re still a Virgin?”

“No, Bucky never worked for the USO shows." ...

Phil, whenever he spills that happens years into the future: I'm a spy. It's my job to know things.

... “Must I be doctor foster? Am I not allowed another identity, another name, another self?" His plastic smile freezes on his face and his eyes tell a story of confusion. Darcy sighs.

“Jane, you told me that tea was peppermint."

“I lied," says Jane, still making aggressive eye contact with Tony Stark.

“I’m sorry about that," Darcy sighs, futilely attempting to take her sweet tea away. “She gets weirdly philosophical when she's hopped up on sugar."

Words: 616, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M

Characters: Jane Foster (Marvel), Phil Coulson, Steve Rogers, Darcy Lewis, Thor (Marvel), Erik Selvig, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Melinda May, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, James "Bucky" Barnes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Jane Foster & Steve Rogers, Jane Foster & Thor, Jane Foster & Tony Stark, Jane Foster & Erik Selvig, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis & Erik Selvig, Jane Foster & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Clint Barton & Phil Coulson & Natasha Romanov, Phil Coulson & Nick Fury

Additional Tags: Isekai, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Angst, Fix-It, Reader-Insert, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Bad Matchmaking, Hijinks & Shenanigans

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/obkqBUj

[bewitched-soul-jr]

Fanfic Recommendation #05

I Love You, Vampire Prince

by: olivieblake ☙ Summary: A Disappointing Bingley is something like kicking a puppy or exsanguinating a virgin, which Darcy is pretty sure he would never do. Like, fairly sure.

☙ Chapter: 1/1

☙ Status: Complete

☙ Word Count: 6.991

☙ Series: Once Upon a Hand Touch

�� Thoughts: I'm not sure if I would call this a crack fic or not since the author doesnt describe it as such, but it certainly is not a fic to read seriously and solemnly as if it was Jane Eyre or something. It's a story meant to be read lightly and with humor, and if done that way very enjoyable. It was very funny, every time I read Lizzie and Darcy's dialogues my mind provided the image of a bombastic side eye. It reminded me of Daria for some reason. But even so, the image of a vampire lamenting its mortality and the moral dilemmas that come with their condition certainly fits Darcy. It didnt fall into annoying tropes, and probablky because it didnt take itself too seriously it avoided the whole drama of being an immortal blood sucking creature. So, it ensures quite some laughs :).

JR - 20/5/2023

[ao3feed-janefoster]

The Astrophile, the Suit, & the Paragon of Truth

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/aXxIwBq

by idontcare5, iwritetragediesnotsin

A tale of three watchers: a fix-it with someone who gets all of their science knowledge from Tumblr possessing one of the MCU's foremost scientific minds, Steve Rogers causing chaos by being the bicon we all want him to be, and Coulson getting possessed by a thirteen year old who has hyper fixated on the MCU for the last year and half.

“Captain Rogers,” said the historian interviewing him for the documentary, “is there any credit to the theory that you lost your virginity to a USO girl?”

Steve hesitated.

“No, I’m afraid not."

“You’re still a Virgin?”

“No, Bucky never worked for the USO shows." ...

Phil, whenever he spills that happens years into the future: I'm a spy. It's my job to know things.

... “Must I be doctor foster? Am I not allowed another identity, another name, another self?" His plastic smile freezes on his face and his eyes tell a story of confusion. Darcy sighs.

“Jane, you told me that tea was peppermint."

“I lied," says Jane, still making aggressive eye contact with Tony Stark.

“I’m sorry about that," Darcy sighs, futilely attempting to take her sweet tea away. “She gets weirdly philosophical when she's hopped up on sugar."

Words: 616, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M

Characters: Jane Foster (Marvel), Phil Coulson, Steve Rogers, Darcy Lewis, Thor (Marvel), Erik Selvig, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Melinda May, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, James "Bucky" Barnes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Jane Foster & Steve Rogers, Jane Foster & Thor, Jane Foster & Tony Stark, Jane Foster & Erik Selvig, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis & Erik Selvig, Jane Foster & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Clint Barton & Phil Coulson & Natasha Romanov, Phil Coulson & Nick Fury

Additional Tags: Isekai, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Angst, Fix-It, Reader-Insert, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Bad Matchmaking, Hijinks & Shenanigans

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/aXxIwBq

[ao3feed-thor]

The Astrophile, the Suit, & the Paragon of Truth

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/e7yrbY5

by idontcare5, iwritetragediesnotsin

A tale of three watchers: a fix-it with someone who gets all of their science knowledge from Tumblr possessing one of the MCU's foremost scientific minds, Steve Rogers causing chaos by being the bicon we all want him to be, and Coulson getting possessed by a thirteen year old who has hyper fixated on the MCU for the last year and half.

“Captain Rogers,” said the historian interviewing him for the documentary, “is there any credit to the theory that you lost your virginity to a USO girl?”

Steve hesitated.

“No, I’m afraid not."

“You’re still a Virgin?”

“No, Bucky never worked for the USO shows." ...

Phil, whenever he spills that happens years into the future: I'm a spy. It's my job to know things.

... “Must I be doctor foster? Am I not allowed another identity, another name, another self?" His plastic smile freezes on his face and his eyes tell a story of confusion. Darcy sighs.

“Jane, you told me that tea was peppermint."

“I lied," says Jane, still making aggressive eye contact with Tony Stark.

“I’m sorry about that," Darcy sighs, futilely attempting to take her sweet tea away. “She gets weirdly philosophical when she's hopped up on sugar."

Words: 615, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M

Characters: Jane Foster (Marvel), Phil Coulson, Steve Rogers, Darcy Lewis, Thor (Marvel), Erik Selvig, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Melinda May, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, James "Bucky" Barnes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Jane Foster & Steve Rogers, Jane Foster & Thor, Jane Foster & Tony Stark, Jane Foster & Erik Selvig, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis & Erik Selvig, Jane Foster & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Clint Barton & Phil Coulson & Natasha Romanov, Phil Coulson & Nick Fury

Additional Tags: Isekai, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Angst, Fix-It, Reader-Insert, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Bad Matchmaking, Hijinks & Shenanigans

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/e7yrbY5

[antifa-stray]

4, 6, 8 and 17 -💙

Thank you @huntinglove this ask made me very happy 💓

4. What is the most human thing that you've ever seen done by an animal/machine?

This was a hard one actually. Probably those TikToks of dogs with the soundboards that play different words, it's pretty heartwarming (and can be very funny). I've heard of other stuff but that's what I've technically seen with my own two eyes.

6. What's something that always reminds you of the same thing every time you see/hear/etc. it?

THANK FUCKING GODDESS I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE.

Gideon Nav from The Locked Tomb with her skull face paint always reminds me of Hordak from ND Stevenson's She-Ra reboot without fucking fail. I really want a Locked Tomb show by the same artists so bad you don't even know.

I can't think of Harley Quinn without thinking of the song Boss Bitch, Doja Cat did an excellent job

I can't think of America Chavez without hearing Gina Rodriguez' voice (Carmen Sandiego reboot, Jane the Virgin) Same with Deadpool, I just hear Brandon Rogers any time I think of him. (Blitzø, Helluva Boss) I really want a show with the two of them (along with a few other of my favorite somewhat obscure marvel superheroes played by a casting that I think would fit them perfectly)

8. What's something that'll never happen that you've put a lot of thought into anyways?

What I'd do if I were physically a vampire. It'd honestly be my ideal because everyone wants immortality but the curse of immortality is outliving your friends, and vampires can turn others into vampires too, which solves that problem. I also would adore being a mermaid/succubus physically (I say physically because I have both vampires succubi and mermaids in my system) Also shapeshifting. If I could shapeshift I would actually shapeshift into each headmate when I switch to them.

17. What fills you with nostalgia, despite being relatively new?

Okay a few answers for this one. Skylanders for one. I adore those games and they very much have been an integral part of my childhood.

League of Legends & Team Fortress 2 for another. I love these games so much you don't even know, I'll talk for HOURS about them (and I plan to make a YouTube channel where I do just that)

Lastly, Tomb Raider with Alicia Vikander. Lara Croft is a HUGE part of my queer journey, from being one of the first and biggest factors in cracking my egg to something that's still a massive source of comfort. I love that movie, and I hope to Goddess that the sequel ACTUALLY GETS MADE.

[whathappenstotheheart]

Life's real rough right now but on the bright side I am currently working on my first crack fic. It's basically X-Files with a Jane the Virgin style mixup, and I'm quite pumped because I started it for the @fourormore ficathon then also realized it works for a challenge I'd wanted to participate in but hadn't had a good idea for. Double whammy! Anyway, I hope to have it up in a couple of days...

[gonnabefamous]

“How can I not be worried? If we’re caught we’ll go to jail for life!” Zach‘s voice cracks for a second there and he has to pause to clear his throat. He doesn’t want to look that worried about it. He’s unable to understand the others lack of anxiety in the midst of this situation. “Fine.” He finally concedes, “I’ll stop being a Negative Nancy. I’m gonna be fun Zach moving forward.” He decides, standing up a little straighter. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Zach is a bit caught off guard when he’s called out for lying; usually the people around him would just let him make himself look stupid rather than confronting him as it took less energy and was probably a lot less frustrating.

“Wha—yeah-huh.” The man argues, face heating up a little in embarrassment despite the fact that it’s just them. “I know it’s great ‘cause I’ve totally done it before. Not the killing thing, the sex thing.” He continues, going quiet when Nate asks why he’s being untruthful. That was a loaded question with way too many different answers stemming from a whole different issue in its own.

“…I dunno.” A simple answer comes with a shrug and he looks away, disgruntled. “I guess i just… don’t want you to judge me? I mean, you’re a cool guy and I’m— well.” A brief moment of silence passes and then he snaps his eyes back in Nate’s direction. “I don’t have cool stories to tell like you do! Why would I admit to being a virgin!?” He asks incredulously, brows furrowed. “That’s embarrassing! And LAME.” A few seconds of contemplation and his expression softens slightly at the other man’s request for honesty. All he can think is ‘this guy is a cold blooded killer, what does he care about honesty?’

“Geez, it must be lots’a fun embarrassing me, huh?” He snarks, hands on his hips. “You want honesty? Fine.” He huffs. “Never had sex, never kissed anyone— I’m a total beginner. Below that even, probably.” He admits begrudgingly. “And I’m—… I’m a grown adult. Damn, it sounds more pathetic when I say it out loud, hah.”

“No glitter? Tch—“ Zach hangs up the dark suit and looks the red one over, waiting until Nate looks away before taking some of the sprinkling glitter on it anyway. Then he turns to head into the bathroom in order to change, far too self conscious to do it in the presence of another person. “That sounds fun! Yeah, we gotta get you something more stylish. You don’t wanna be a plain ol’ Jane if you can help it.” He speaks loudly so Nate can hear him through the door. Once he’s done changing, he steps out. It fit okay, he looked quite snazzy despite feeling a little uncomfortable.

“What d’ya think? Am I ready to party or what?” He asks with a smile, holding his hands out to his sides as he presents himself.

[incorrectbellarkequotes]

Bellamy: Is that a new "or else" look?

Clarke: Yes

Bellamy: Wow.

Clarke: I have recently added it to my repertoire. Is it threatening?

Bellamy: Extremely.

Clarke: Good.