#james bond henchmen

[spacepunksupreme]

HANNAH’S “WHO’S HOTTEST?” MALE BOND VILLAINS BRACKET

ROUND 1/5- POLL 13/32

Welcome to my extremely large male Bond villains bracket! I originally intended to use 32 villains/ henchmen, but felt bad that it involved excluding some obscure personal favorites so decided to go insane and spring for 64! There are so many goddamn men who wish James Bond ill will lol.

The match ups on the first round were paired using a random number generator, the following rounds will obviously be paired based on who wins.

One day for each poll only. And you can find all the other polls in my “hannah is talking” and “hannah’s bond bracket” tags

Don’t worry if you don’t know some of the dudes here, I dug up some of the most ass random henchmen to create this, so just follow your heart on who you believe is most attractive.

And Have Fun!

[countesspetofi]

Today in the Department of Before They Were Star Trek Stars, George Takei guest stars in "The Silent Saboteurs," episode 10 of the second season of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (original air date November 28, 1965).

Takei plays a Chinese officer who teams up with David Hedison's Captain Crane to hunt down a mad scientist who's built a superweapon to shoot down American spacecraft, from a secret base in an unnamed Southeast Asian country I can only assume is supposed to be Vietnam. A native guerilla fighter helps them locate the base. If you find the politics of this episode confusing, that makes two of us. Then it turns out that Takei is not a Chinese officer after all, but one of the mad scientist's henchmen. And then it all turns into sort of a mini James Bond movie, with the added confusion of starring an actor who went on to play Felix Leiter. But it's all good fun.

Other Trek connections: The guerilla fighter is played by Pilar Seurat, who played the empath Sybo in the Star Trek episode "Wolf in the Fold."

[caw4brandon]

We Like, Are Totally Spies

When we think about shows that will appeal to boys. Action is the easiest to relate. Something like; Ben 10, American Dragon Jake Long, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Justice League will be on the list. It has drama, it has fights and it's cool!

However, there has been a movement in that era where specific cartoon shows aim to get girls into action. Kim Possible, Juniper Lee, My Life as a Teenage Robot, and The Winx Club are perfect examples of such shows.

There is an odd case for more girl-centric shows. Something about the need to balance femininity with action. The show needs to feel like an action that happens to have the main characters be girls. This is where today's topic comes in. We're talking about how;

- How's the Mission, Spies? -

< Totally Spies > by Vincent Chalvon-Demersay and David Michel follows three teens; Sam, Clover and Alex from Beverly Hills living a secret life being Super Spies for WOOHP (World Organization Of Human Protection) under their boss; Jerry Lewis.

Their missions involve travelling the world. Fighting mad scientists and twisted outcasts who seek to dominate the world with style and gadgets that conceal themselves as fashionable equipment.

The trio plays specific archetypes. Sam (green) is the brains, Clover (red) is the fashionista/ boy obsessive and Alex (yellow) is the athlete and occasional nerd. Despite their differences, they share several common interests such as their love for shopping and spy skills of agility, hand-to-hand combat and espionage.

Across six seasons, the girls matured from high school to university students. Confronting the daily struggles of homework, social lives and their petty arch-enemy, Mandy.

As a vibe, < Totally Spies > fully leans into the Beverly Hills lifestyle of fabulous fashion and some familiar pop culture names of that era. The show has a mix of the James Bond type of super spy world filled with dull henchmen, high-tech machines and some tacky villains.

- Time to go to Plan B! -

The episodes are condensed into their own episode. Although there have been some arcs that follow specific villains who have a bit of history with the main characters.

Tim Scam is a former agent who went rogue against WOOHP and Terrence Lewis; twin brother to Jerry and a sore thumb to WOOHP. There also reoccurring allies as well. Brittney (cyan) who joined the team as a trainee, Dean from the three-part series < Evil Promotion Much? > and Blaine a freelance agent who dated Clover.

The conflicts, if we can even call them conflicts at all have aged rather strangely. Some of the villains commit petty crimes like kidnapping celebrities due to jealousy or act extreme. Like being anti-consumerist with the solution of destroying malls.

Yet, some are still relatable to this day such as a kid villain who is mad at his father for being busy as a commentary on how parental neglect can cause warped ideas in a child. Whatever, it's a pre-teen show. Let's not look into it too deeply.

The world of Totally Spies is also interconnected with several other shows; [The Amazing Spiez] and [Martin Mystery].

< Martin Mystery > follows Martin, a paranormal investigator for the Center with Martin's step-sister, Diana Lombard and Java the Caveman. Fighting monsters, urban legends and aliens.

According to a special crossover episode. Martin's boss; M.O.M (Mystery Organization Manager) and Jerry know each other. Likewise, in Amazing Spiez; Jerry is also the boss of the Clark siblings. Lee, Marc, Megan and Tony. Sadly, these shows were short-lived and cancelled.

It does raise an interesting point. Why is Totally Spies more popular? As a guess, I think it's because the chemistry between the characters is a lot more interesting and fun.

The three girls are best of friends and while they sometimes bicker over boys, responsibilities and opinions. They will always put their friendship and mission first above all else. It feels more real, in a superficial way.

That an actual girl would have a girlfriend group this tight-knit and if they ever become a part of something bigger than them. They would do it together.

- Here We Go Again! -

Tacky villains, cute super spy girlfriends and awesome gadgets aside. The show has a few good jokes here and there. Its art style borrows a lot from Anime and its colors are groovy to the eyes.

For a show that was meant to attract girls into action. The show has also garnered a large following from boys as well. I think another secret to the success of < Totally Spies > can also be because of its approach to the subject. Like I said in my introduction.

There is an odd case for more girl-centric shows. Something about the need to balance femininity with action. The show needs to feel like an action that happens to have the main characters be girls.

This show is a girl's show. The girls are unapologetic being girly. Doing girl things like shopping, manicure, dating and going on dream vacations but with their secret life as spies. The show balances it out with good action and is still using that girly theme to add to its gadgets.

Heck, some of the gadgets are stuff that I would personally want to have. The Jet Pack backpack, The Wind Tunnel 3000 Tornado Blast Hair Dryer, Lazer lipstick and the Compowder are on my list. Especially with its costume change function.

It's a show that embraces both ends of the spectrum and allows it to show its respective strengths rather than shy away from the themes. With the announcement that this show is going to have a season 7/ soft reboot. It does look promising with several concerns.

But I am hopeful that for a beloved show such as this. The girls will have a proper return and inspire a new generation of girls (and boys) to be < Totally Spies >

[double-0h-no]

Old Dog, New Tricks

Second to last prompt I want and need to fill. And slowly and surely running out of time, but I'll do this. My prompt fill for "Secondary Villain/Henchman" and for @meadowcastiel prompt, to be revealed at the end. With the tiniest nod to @thestalwartheart gorgeous poem that didn't leave me alone while finihing this up, please go and read it, it's so so gorgeous!

on ao3

Bond has a sudden influx of ideas for gadgets to take out into the field. Henchmen suffer the consequences.

"007, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh, nothing in particular. Just wanted to see what R6D is working on these days." 

That stopped Q dead in his tracks and pinched the bridge of his nose in a feeble hope that it would delay the headache that was bound to result from this conversation.  "How often do I have to tell you that, unless you have a very good reason for it, there will not be an exploding pen for you."

Bond had the audacity to scoff, as if he hadn't asked for exactly that, and then continued his lazy stroll past the benches where currently, a few prototypes and blueprints were scattered. "I wouldn't dare come to you for something as trivial as that. Anymore."

"I'm not sure I like where this is going, but do go on."

"Well, I was thinking about how night goggles were actually rather handy, in general, but also very suspicious looking and bulky. And I know you've been tinkering around with your own glasses. Isn't there something to be done?"

Now, that piqued Q's interest, because: "There is, actually. As you've correctly stated, it can't be that only my glasses get tinkered with. There are a lot of things we're trying to do in that department, the easiest and most obvious one being cameras installed into the frame, or something as simple as a GPS tracker. Night vision has so far proven difficult because - Do you know how night goggles usually work?", he interrupted himself.

Bond shook his head, and Q motioned for him to step closer to his own bench, where he quickly opened a new browser window to pull up some graphics. "All right, so our problem currently lies in this."

_//\\_//\\_

Mission transcript for internal use.

H - Handler - Quartermaster

A - Agent - 007

Transcript written by Quartermaster for potential blackmailing purposes among the women of Q branch and Bond.

Transcript begins:

A: "Q?"

H: "Yes, 007?"

A: "Could you develop a repellent?"

H: "A repellent? Whatever for? I think you're quite capable of getting some nobite from a nearby drugstore or pharmacy."

A: "Not for mosquitoes. For all the women approaching me this evening who aren't my target."

H: "..."

A: "Q?"

H: "..."

A: "I take that as a no."

H: "I'll start a survey among the women who frequent Q-branch on which aftershave or perfume they think to be the most repelling. Otherwise, I will keep it to myself that you just asked me for a spray to repel women, but I will save this bit to bring out and show to R and Moneypenny should I feel the need to blackmail you, are we understood?"

_//\\_//\\_

It was the strangest thing, really, and unfortunately, horribly endearing in the way it reminded Q of his cats, at least distantly.

James was lounging on the sofa in his office, limbs akimbo, half asleep, a cooling pad still held to his face, and quite possibly loopy on pain meds.

Q thought it incredible that James appeared to be able to maintain that position without too much discomfort. His own joints probably wouldn't appreciate this kind of treatment, but that might be due to his own lack of exercise in recent years.

"Run that by me again?", he asked, mortified by the amount of affection that his voice held.

"S'mthing to call 'nimals. Useful ones. Like a swarm of bees."

"And how would calling a swarm of bees to your location be helpful?"

James shrugged to the best of his ability. "Don't know. Not to my location. the other guy."

"So let me get this straight, you want to call the bees so that they go after the bad guy."

The Double Oh agent made a sound that could, unfortunately, best be described as a giggle. That was that settled, at least. Certainly high on pain meds, and possibly not half as comfortable in this situation as the meds might make him believe.

"You said bad guy."

Q buried his face in his hands both in exasperation and to hide the redness he felt blooming in his cheeks.

Hopeless cases, the both of them.

_//\\_//\\_

"How small do you think you can make a taser?"

"About lipstick-sized. Of the larger variety, but about that size."

"So not the size of a ring."

"Not unless all you want to be able to stun is a blowfly. Or knock yourself on your arse because I'm not sure how the hell I'd isolate a metal ring properly."

_//\\_//\\_

"You want what?" James - Bond had caught him just on his way back to Q-branch from a meeting that surely could have been an email or three, at most.

"Come on, Q, you can't deny that it would be helpful."

"I mean, yes, except you'd ultimately always impede yourself as well. Plus, it would require you to get out of dodge in the blink of an eye."

James cocked an eyebrow in amusement. "Because that's never been known to happen."

He couldn't help the snort. "Careful with your knees at your age."

"You had nothing to complain about last-"

"Will you be quiet?", Q interjected snidely, but with a big grin on his face. Gosh, that surely had happened. And would happen again, and again. And a few more times after, for sure.

"Now, about my idea?", Bond teased, and Q sighed.

"Why do you always come to me with those things anyway? You very well know by now that R heads R&D, not me. I don't have time for those things anymore because I have meetings now that take a day and an age but could have been done in a fraction of the time, and she-"

James suddenly pulled him around a corner, pressed him up against a wall, and snogged him silly. It wasn't a good kiss, he was smiling way too much for that, but damn if it didn't make him feel good. He was so giddy with it it made him look stupid.

"You're very distracting," Bond murmured, lips only centimetres from his own. "Did I ever tell you that you're incredibly hot when you get worked up and commanding?"

Q bit his tongue not to giggle. "That explains so much, actually." He closed the gap between them and stole another kiss. "Where would you even stash them away?"

It visibly took James a few seconds to catch on to Q's drifting thoughts. "Depends on how small you can make them, but I was thinking about fastening them to the inside of my belt."

"Won't that be uncomfortable?"

James left featherlight kisses on the high point of his cheek, pushing his glasses up with his nose, the hinge of his jaw, corner of his lips, before he answered: "I've been through worse. Plus, I'm sure you'll come up with something."

Another kiss. He felt like a teenager again. It was embarrassing. It was glorious.

"I probably will. Don't think it'll be like that now just because you give decent head."

The indignant sound was almost as sweet as the kisses.

_//\\_//\\_

Mission monitoring was not going any worse than it had been before, and Q was a bit relieved about it.

No matter what he'd told James before, no matter what he'd told himself, deep down he had been worried that separating the mission from his personal feelings would in fact get more difficult now that he had something to lose that went beyond his feelings, but included a person almost sharing his flat and life and feeding his cats. But it was fine. Or at least not any worse than he was used to. Which was to say, it wasn't going great.

He was monitoring Bond, but couldn't communicate with him anymore, which at least was not Bond's fault. 007 was being led down a corridor, henchmen guarding him, Q and R watching him via the security cameras. Their journey ended in a windowless room, and Q and R exchanged a worried glance. They'd seen too many rooms of that variety in their time, though fortunately never from up close.

The henchmen kept their guns trained at Bond while he sat down on the singular chair in the room.

There was no audio, but his lips were moving.

The next thing they saw was the camera whitening out for a brief second, and when the feed returned to normal, black smoke filled the room and was already being filtered out. He could make out the feet of one of the guards, clearly sprawled on the floor, and the other one had probably suffered a similar fate, though Q was already going through the cameras to find Bond again.

"I can't believe it worked," mumbled Riley next to him, and only then did the reality of what had happened set in.

He groaned pitifully. "We will never hear the end of this."

_//\\_//\\_

They did never hear the end of this.

_//\\_//\\_

After this very first success, Riley was actually more open to working with Bond on several of her projects, and the litany of minions of various evil operations who'd fallen victim to increasingly ridiculous contraptions was growing by the week.

It also had the nice side effect that James was... Q didn't have any other words to describe it, but he felt that Bond was doing better. The time he spent in R&D shortened the time he spent on the bench, at least in his perception, and he wasn't as keen to go out in the field anymore between missions. As much as he'd like to think that it was in part his own doing, Q knew that James' work with R played just as big a role.

It was good, all in all. It was very good.

_//\\_//\\_

Q was standing at his desk in his office, double checking a mixup with an order of materials to find the error, when a heavy blanket of Double Oh draped itself over his back.

"What have you come up with this time? Or is it time to leave already?" It usually was one thing or another, these days.

"An EMP."

As much as he tried - not very hard at all, this bit of chasing tails had already robbed him of his last nerve - this one really caught his interest.

_//\\_//\\_

They never managed to figure out a way to make it work. It was fine, too.

_//\\_//\\_

When Q came home that day, exhausted beyond comprehension, James was already home, sitting in his favourite armchair, reading glasses on his nose while he was reading something on his tablet, the Admiral snuggled into his side.

"What do you think of freeze grenades?", he asked in lieu of a greeting.

"Freeze grenades?", Q asked incredulously, still getting out of his shoes. "What are they even supposed to do?" He wandered into the kitchen and scoured it for something left to eat. There was a sandwich sitting out, carefully protected from the cats, and Q picked up the plate with a grateful smile and joined James in the living room.

"Well, they're supposed to emit intense cold upon activation."

"To what end?"

"Depends. Freeze something over to make it brittle. Freeze water over to cross it, though I can imagine that might be difficult. Freeze burns are a bitch, too."

"As opposed to normal grenades, who don#t hurt much at all. What even are you reading there?" He leaned over to catcha glimpse at the screen, and James didn't try to hide it. Q tilted his head. "Is that a batman comic?"

James nodded. "I never read them when I was a kid, but I watched one of the movies on my way back from... I don't even know anymore. It was utterly ridiculous. I wanted to know more."

"Is that where you get all those ridiculous ideas from?"

"You say that as if they haven't worked."

Q's eyes widened in childish wonder. "You have. This is amazing. You're such a closet nerd." He leaned in and pressed an ill-aimed kiss to James' cheek.

James tried his best to appear annoyed at Q's antics, but there was the smile in his eyes that everybody else said was missing when they met him.

"So, what about batarangs?"

[romanceyourdemons]

and now it is my great honor to recommend the dragon lives again (1977). bruce lee, played by bruce leong, dies and goes to hell, where he teams up with the one-armed swordsman, kwai chang caine, and popeye the sailor man against the godfather from the godfather (1972) and his henchmen james bond, dracula, the man with no name, emmanuelle, zatoichi, and the exorcist from the exorcist (1973), who plan on overthrowing the king of hell and his lackey, zhong kui. it is every bit as terrible as it sounds. every last bit and then some. when they introduce fake bruce lee he’s unconscious with a blanket over him and it looks like he’s got a massive fucking boner. but then they take off the blanket and it’s his nunchucks

[barkingbonzo]

THUNDERBALL 1965

Thunderball is a 1965 spy film and the fourth in the James Bond series produced by Eon Productions, starring Sean Connery as the fictional MI6 agent James Bond. It is an adaptation of the 1961 novel of the same name by Ian Fleming, which in turn was based on an original screenplay by Jack Whittingham devised from a story conceived by Kevin McClory, Whittingham, and Fleming. It was the third and final Bond film to be directed by Terence Young, with its screenplay by Richard Maibaum and John Hopkins.

The film follows Bond's mission to find two NATO atomic bombs stolen by SPECTRE, which holds the world ransom to the tune of £100 million in diamonds under threat of destroying an unspecified metropolis in either the United Kingdom or the United States (later revealed to be Miami). The search leads Bond to the Bahamas, where he encounters Emilio Largo, the card-playing, eyepatch-wearing SPECTRE Number Two. Backed by CIA agent Felix Leiter and Largo's mistress, Domino Derval, Bond's search culminates in an underwater battle with Largo's henchmen. The film's complex production comprised four different units, and about a quarter of the film comprises underwater scenes. Thunderball was the first Bond film shot in widescreen Panavision and the first to have a running time of over two hours.

Although planned by Bond film series producers Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman as the first entry in the franchise, Thunderball was associated with a legal dispute in 1961 when former Fleming collaborators McClory and Whittingham sued him shortly after the 1961 publication of the novel, claiming he based it upon the screenplay the trio had written for a cinematic translation of James Bond. The lawsuit was settled out of court and Broccoli and Saltzman, fearing a rival McClory film, allowed him to retain certain screen rights to the novel's plot and characters, and for McClory to receive sole producer credit on this film; Broccoli and Saltzman instead served as executive producers.

The film was exceptionally successful: its worldwide box-office receipts of $141.2 million (equivalent to $1,365,200,000 in 2023) exceeded not only that of each of its predecessors but that of every one of the next five Bond films that followed it. Thunderball remains the most financially successful film of the series in North America when adjusted for ticket price inflation. In 1966, John Stears won the Academy Award for Best Visual Effects and BAFTA nominated production designer Ken Adam for an award. Some critics and viewers praised the film and branded it a welcome addition to the series, while others found the aquatic action repetitious. The movie was followed by 1967's You Only Live Twice. In 1983, Warner Bros. released a second film adaptation of the Thunderball novel under the title Never Say Never Again, with McClory as executive producer.

[mando-abs]

Okay, so my sibling and I were watching videos and came across one asking “what is the craziest, most out of pocket cameo you’ve seen in a movie?” I gave it some thought and I must tell you of one of the greatest throwaway jokes you’ve never heard of.

And it’s in the 1999 Inspector Gadget movie.

Inspector fucking Gadget

After the movie’s villain Dr. Claw is arrested, his henchman Sykes tries to make an identity for himself outside of being henchman. To heal from his trauma, he joins a Minion Recovery Group. And who is Skyes giving a speech to?

Former henchmen

Now there are only two legit celebrity cameos here. One being Mr. T (front second from the left, known from the A*TEAM) and Richard Keil (front third from the left, known from James Bond as Jaws). But!!!! There are 6 more minion character cameos in frame.

(This is observed left to right from our POV.) Oddjob from James Bond (front far left), Tattoo from Fantasy Island (front far right), Kato from The Green Hornet (middle far left), Igor from Frankenstein (dead middle), edit: Cato from The Pink Panther (middle right), and Tonto from The Lone Ranger (middle far right). Granted, I don’t know all of these medias nor how they hold up over the test of time. But ask your parents and grandparents about them

But that’s not even the kicker. Nooooo no no.

This scene was a 15 second end credit scene.

All of this set up and two celebrity cameos…for 15 seconds…in the credits….Crazy. And I’m not even mentioning the other end credit cameo. What’s arguably even funnier is how they were credited (sorry for its blurriness but granted it’s a bit older)

So just remember when you’re watching Marvel’s famous (or infamous depending on who you ask) end credits scenes, Inspector Gadget not only did it first but also did it better.

Oh yeah, and Inspector Gadget was the first movie to have All Star by Smash Mouth among its soundtrack, not Shrek……OK BYEEEEEEE

[gaykarstaagforever]

I've never liked James Bond movies, other than like two of the Pierce Brosnan ones, and only now because of nostalgia. They're boring when chases aren't happening and too long and his gadgets are unjustifiably impossible and the villains are idiots with stupid schemes, and no one ever just shoots the bastard, leaving him to constantly get out of situations by deus ex machina or blind luck. I don't know what people want from these movies, what makes the "good" ones good or the "bad" ones bad, or why anyone is invested in any of this.

That said, I just watched what is, to me now, the one genuinely good Bond movie: 1973's Live and Let Die.

Bond fights a technologically-advanced drug-dealing voodoo pimp / Caribbean island dictaror, whose evil plan involves giving away a billion dollars of heroin for free. And this plan also involves him somehow successfully killing like 4 secret agents, plus, oh yeah, voodoo and tarot magicks are probably actually real?

This feels like white people mistakenly deciding they know enough about Black people in 1973 to make a movie about their world, and it is exactly as problematic and insane as you'd expect. And I loved every minute of it.

Such gleeful stupidity, done with such a straight face, is a beauty to behold. There is also a 10 minute sequence that is just Smokey and the Bandit, complete with a fat racist idiot Southern sheriff and incompetant Louisiana state police, who get their cars completely destroyed in slapstick comedy wrecks where people crash off ramps into bogs but no one ever gets hurt.

...Except this came out 5 years before Smokey and the Bandit, and maybe the same weekend as the similar White Lightning, so I have no idea who was stealing what from whom. I guess 1973 was just the year to start making fun of Southern law enforcement with funny car accidents.

I'm not complaining. I love this crap. It's just such a specific thing for multiple creatives to seize on at exactly the same moment. I suppose art, like voodoo, is endlessly mysterious.

I got the impression this movie is a critical pariah and was a flop, but neither is true. It made tons of money, and while people in general didn't and don't like Roger Moore as Bond, it seems most people enjoyed the frenetic weirdness going on here.

This was Moore replacing Connery, who set the iconic 1960s Bond bar. Like, hostility to anything new and different was inevitable. I don't feel strongly about Connery's Bond either way, because a lot of those movies are impossibly slow and his charm doesn't redeem them. So I like Moore here. He seems like he's still figuring out how to do the character his way, but that is also inevitable. But he's drool and wry and unflappable, and any lack of charm is fine, considering the movie is far more about jumping from one ridiculous situation to another at a break-neck pace. Bond is really just along for the kooky ride, and Moore manages that.

I love the cars and the costumes. This is peak early 70s, so everything is big and bright primary colors, from the cars to the collars and neckties, to the platform shoes and afro wigs. All the suits have vests. VESTS! The villain dresses his henchmen in bright bluejeans with scarlet polo shirts tucked in. They look like Target associates went rogue. It's beautiful.

Any more analysis of the plot than I've already offered is pointless, because this is a Bond movie. So even at peak wannabe-Blaxploitation goofiness, he's still boldly walking into obvious traps, inappropriately trying to trick certainly-evil women into sleeping with him, and solving every problem with a gimmick watch and desperate flailing that somehow knocks people out.

I don't know why anyone bothers setting elaborate traps for him. Just send a guy to pick him up. He'll know exactly that you've done that and get in the car anyway. That happens twice in this movie! And the same guy is driving!

The watch in this one has an industrial-strength magnet in it, and also the face spins and acts like a tiny buzzsaw. And, fine. That's the right kind of stupid. But how the hell does all that work on tiny watch batteries? I can't forget about that, which is why Bond movies aren't for me. And it makes Bond look bad, because anyone with that watch could probably do exactly what he does. ...Except probably the thing where he uses the magnet to undo the zipper on a woman's dress. That's very specifically a Bond thing, the cheeky predator.

But he's not the only incompetent gadabout, here. Most of the story takes place in the US, and he's working with the CIA. And they are AT LEAST as bad at everything as he is. But they don't have magic watches, so I guess that's why they keep getting stabbed, and poisoned by voodoo snakes, and have to call him in, to do whatever the hell this is:

Jane Seymour is also here. She is a possibly biracial? tarot witch who has virgin powers, and is owned by the Black villain. She gets manhandled and molested all the time, especially by Bond, and his deflowering of her is a major plot point.

As I said before, there are some problematic things going on here.

But the whole affair is so earnestly cheesy and high-energy that it's hard to find fault. They were going for schlock, and they schlocked it. James gets cornered by a hundred people doing a deadly swamp voodoo ritual that involves human sacrifice and a magic robot, and after some of them charge him with machetes, he responds by blindly firing into the crowd and murdering a bunch of them. This culminates with him getting captured by the villain for like the third time, and the guy acts like all this was just part of his plan.

Then Bond wrestles with him a little near a shark tank, but kills him with a Looney Tunes device. 1960s Batman showed more restraint than this. The Austin Powers movies barely referenced this one, because it is already a parody of spy movies. It is a thing of messy, stupid brilliance.

If you don't like Bond movies, this is the Bond movie for you. Everyone can get a laugh out of this, even if they're only laughing at it.

(Also the theme is the best Bond theme ever, but everyone already knows that. It opens the movie with naked women dancing around flaming skulls. That alone probably makes it the best Bond movie.)

[bogmansfartblog]

James Bond Henchmen X Ginyu Force from DBZ

[spacepunksupreme]

HANNAH’S “WHO’S HOTTEST?” MALE BOND BRACKET

ROUND 1/5- 27/32

excuse the behind the scenes photo for Mr Hinx, but it was important to me to get a picture where you could see his face and his Metal Thumbnails

Welcome to my extremely large male Bond villains bracket! I originally intended to use 32 villains/ henchmen, but felt bad that it involved excluding some obscure personal favorites so decided to go insane and spring for 64! There are so many goddamn men who wish James Bond ill will lol.

The match ups on the first round were paired using a random number generator, the following rounds will obviously be paired based on who wins.

One day for each poll only. And you can find all the other polls in my “hannah is talking” and “hannah’s bond bracket” tags

Don’t worry if you don’t know some of the dudes here, I dug up some of the most ass random henchmen to create this, so just follow your heart on who you believe is most attractive.

And Have Fun!

[batmannotes]

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom 4K Ultra HD Review

Jason Momoa reprises his role as the King of the Seven Seas in Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, which comes 5 years after the original film was released. Once again Aquaman’s most notable rogue, Black Manta, is back seeking revenge for his deceased father. This time, Manta wields the power of the mythic Black Trident to unleash an ancient and sinister force. Hoping to end his reign of terror, Aquaman makes an unlikely alliance with his brother, Orm, the former king of Atlantis. Setting aside their differences, they join forces to protect their kingdom and save the world from irreversible destruction. 

I must admit, even though I consider myself a superhero aficionado, it has been 5 years since the first solo Aquaman flick hit the theaters and remembering certain details regarding the movie were hazy for me at best. Fortunately, there are flashbacks to some of the pertinent moments from the first outing. As in the original movie, there is a healthy dose of action and adventure sprinkled with some hit and miss humor. I enjoyed the unlikely bond between the brothers, and it is hard to argue that Black Manta is one of the most iconic super villains to hit the silver screen in a comic book flick in recent memory. Unfortunately, Manta is paired with a far less interesting character named Dr. Shin (Randall Park) and a collection of henchmen and women with little to no depth in this underwater adventure.  

The visuals of this film are the real treat, and with the 4K format they really shine. The underwater computer-generated sequences are particularly aesthetically pleasing, but I really wish this movie stuck to scenes beneath the sea. There are tons of incredibly interesting creatures in the ocean that an Aquaman movie has yet to tap into. A number of times the movie gets caught trying to copy other films, particularly Star Wars, however, this movie lacks the interesting intertwining plot points and character development of the sci-fi classic. Even with the beautiful 4K eye candy most of its visuals project, there are the occasional, (Joss Whedon) Justice League-esque CGI that leaves you wondering, “where did that come from?”. I also did not care for Aquaman being out of his classic orange and green costume for most of the movie, as I felt that it robbed me of that superhero feel.

VIDEO QUALITY 📽️ :  A 

The 2160p transfer looks glorious, even with the aforementioned lackluster CGI in a few limited sequences. This liquid beauty really carry the visual end of this film. 

AUDIO QUALITY 🔈 : A 

The Dolby Atmos English: Dolby TrueHD 7.1 (48kHz, 24-bit) really is a treat for the listener at home. The dialogue is clear, and the action sequences are bombastic as you are immersed deep into the sea of this film. 

EXTRAS 📀 :  B 

Included with this single disc release is a Digital Copy and several video extras listed below: 

Finding the Lost Kingdom (21:22) - Jason Momoa, director James Wan, DC honcho Jim Lee, production design Bill Brzeski, and other key members of the cast and crew are your guides at this usually scenic behind-the-scenes featurette, which includes bits and pieces of on-set footage and others supportive clips. 

Aquaman: Worlds Above and Below (9:39) - A like-minded look at various locales on both sides of the surface that covers special effects, location shoots, and Aquaman lore by way of a few vintage comics. 

Atlantean Blood is Thicker than Water (4:17) - A short but sweet look at the history of Arthur and his half-brother Orm, again with some comics history and short interviews with Momoa and Patrick Wilson. 

It's a Manta World (10:08) - Another character-focused featurette, this short piece sits down with Yahya Abdul-Mateen II and others to speak about David Kane, Black Manta, the power suit, and more. 

Necrus, the Lost Black City (5:51) - James Wan, producer Peter Safran, Bill Brzeski, and others chat briefly about the titular lost kingdom, its visual creation, and its history in the franchise. 

Escape from the Deserter World (8:05) - Another like-minded featurette about the location -- or in this case, sequence -- featured in the film, a handful of familiar faces share about its creation and execution while being supported by behind-the-scenes footage, concept art, rehearsals, costume and set design, and more. 

Brawling at Kingfish's Lair (4:07) - A quick look at one of the film's many visually overloaded action scenes and some of the goofier details and supporting characters featured in it. 

Oh, Topo! (2:12) - And speaking of goofy supporting characters, this short and light-hearted tribute acts as an appreciation and highlight reel for everyone's favorite comedy relief cephalopod. 

FINAL GRADE: C- 

The only real emotions drawn from this bloated outing are the reconciliation between two brothers and the love for their mother. Aquaman should have submerged deeper into the sea, instead of trying to mimic the tales of old from the land above. 

Order now from Amazon.

[heartofstanding]

I could do a point-by-point recap of the last several chapters of Henry Henry I just read but I just finished Chapter Nineteen (the one where Hal gatecrashes Henry's twelfth night party, fights with Percy, fights with his siblings and has a horrific confrontation with Henry) and I'm just [internally screaming]. I was almost dreading reading this chapter again because it's... a lot.

I loved it. Reading this chapter is like watching a James Bond car chase scene except for every single piece of damage Bond does (to the henchmen, to the location, to his own car), it rebounds on him. But it's all emotional damage so there's (almost) no blood. I'm going to reread the chapter before moving on.

[ltwharfy]

OK ONE MORE,

“The Spy Who Was Roommates With Me!” 😎😎😎

That's the story I didn't write for the AU/Roommates prompt for Roudise Week! It just seemed like it would've been too involved to finish in time- it will probably have to be a multi-chapter thing. (which I've never written before) But I can't totally forget about it.

It's a very silly James Bond parody in the style of the three-story episodes of the show. In terms of Bond films it would be very much in the style of the campy, over the top Roger Moore films (hence the title's nod to 1977's "The Spy Who Loved Me"). So, basically it's a bit of a send up of some already goofy source material.

The weird thing is when coming up with "Bob's Burgers" analogues for the stock Bond characters, there really aren't any natural roles for the other Belcher family members, as part of Bond's whole deal is that is an orphan.

The characters as I envisioned them: Louise is the secret agent, Rudy is the scientist love interest, Calvin Fischoeder is the Villain (I mean, he looks the part...), Felix is his second in commend (of course), Logan and the Acne Covered Kittens are his hired henchmen, Ms. Labonz is M, Darryl is Q.

Basically, the story would begin with some sort of exciting stunt sequence where Louise rescues Rudy from Logan and company. Then there would be a briefing where Ms. Labonz explains to Louise that she has to protect Rudy and investigate who hired Logan to kidnap him. So Louise and Rudy have to go undercover...as roommates.

I do hope I write this. It will probably require rewatching the Roger Moore Bond movies for the first time since I was in high school (and likely recognizing dozens of exciting new problematic things about them!) But, honestly, even writing this little description of it to you here made me laugh and smile on a day where I wasn't in a great mood. So maybe that's a sign there is some value in working on the story?

Thanks for the ask!

[earlgreyinpajamas]

00q fic recs: bamf!q

1. put me to the test (honey, i'll blow you out the water) by thestalwartheart (@thestalwartheart)​

“You want me to what, Sir?”

As clearly as he’s heard the instructions, Q can’t be sure he isn’t dreaming this entire conversation. Between the agents creating more work for him out in the field and the engineers in his department demanding more of his time than usual, it’s already been a terribly long day, though it’s only noon.

And now, well. What Mallory is suggesting may well be a dream for all its absurdity.

“I’m scheduling you to take the field tests.”

-----

When Q is forced to prove he can survive in the field, James Bond plays the (concerned) menace.

~~~

ashfjj i love the “q can pass field tests and knocks bond’s socks off” trope

2. a funny worth by thestalwartheart (@thestalwartheart)​

 The pounding of his own heartbeat is the only thing Q can hear. It’s throbbing in his ears and throat. Even his eyeballs feel like they’re pulsing with it.

-----

In Austria, Q runs through a door to hide from two henchmen. It will become an inescapable memory.

~~~

it’s funny to realise that q genuinely had nerves of steel in austria, given that he narrowly avoided capture and still managed to do his job despite the overwhelming stress that probably would have caused him, because the movie (rightly or wrongly) kind of downplays the actions of everyone but bond, which fair enough, because it’s a bond movie, but also,, it would have been a nice thing to have a closer look at. but anyways, my point is that this fic does that scene so much justice, and it really filled out what was missing for me

3 I Won't Shiver, I Won't Shake by Only_1_Truth     

When Silva breaks loose in MI6, everything goes to shit.  Q is new and James is desperate - and with a madman after M, there aren't a lot of options but for James to trust the posh young Quartermaster that he barely knows anything about.  Likewise, Q finds himself being presented with a task that will ask him to stick his neck out for an agent that he doesn't really know yet... and which will also put him more in harm's way than he anticipated.  

Q might not be the battle-trained agent that 007 is, but one thing is for sure: now that he's promised to help the man, he might bruise, but he won't break.

~~~

you gotta love q staying strong in the face of a ton of violence being inflicted on him AND coming out tops because of his brains

[fraulurker]

Working on the asumtion that we are in a James Bond-like world, with volkano bases and such, how do you think you would do as, not a spy, but as a someone's henchmen?

Ooohhhhh

My knee jerk reaction is "bad", but assuming by the time I became a henchmen I was adequately qualified (E.G, I had decent cardio + got some kind of vehicle license) I think I'd do pretty well!

My nickname irl is Goon, as in somebody's goon/henchmen, dubbed so by my father who's only been recently made aware of the current brainrot trends. I'm very physically strong and take direction well, and am pretty big. So I'd imagine I'd probably be pretty reliable for physical work if nothing else.

I think that would also depend on the villian though. Cause if we're talking "has several hundred henchmen in a corporate spoof" villian I'd be late all the time and probably drop important stuff into lava alot. If it's more of a "main villian with his two right hands", I'd probably fair better. The villian would probably be my man greg or something and we'd probably be chill

Interestingly enough I'd probably do better as a spy. I mean actual spy, not James Bond sports car spy. I'm pretty unassuming and lie casually to strangers alot irl.

[persephonethewanderer]

if i may continue to inquire you about raoul silva things 🤓☝️ what do you think raoul's relationship with his agents/employees (such as patrice, sévérine and all his other "henchmen") looks like?

i've been thinking a lot about it cause while i see him trying to distance himself i also can't see him being 100% cold and calculating in interpersonal relationships despite his best efforts. maybe he's trying to walk the line between inspiring trust and devotion while not creating personal attachments (he fails)

tbh i like the thought of him employees being super loyal to him (like that guy giving his all trying to kill bond even if it costs him his life) but that's more of an amusing hc than a narrative analysis lmao

please continue to inquire all you want! i love talking about him <3

anyway i tend to agree with you. he clearly considers everyone and everything “superfluous” only that— he doesn’t. arguably he’s the most intensely emotional antagonist in the series. his desire is for revenge not for world domination or whatever. so it makes sense that he pretends he doesn’t care about his collaborators but such a devotion (as you mentioned in patrice he does die for him without revealing his name to james) cannot happen without charme and connection. so yes, where they scared of him? yes. did he also court them and charme them? also yes.

the most crystal clear case is severine. i do believe the beginning of their relationship was sincere. i do believe she was in love with him — and he was with her in his own way. but the thing is, everything pales in comparison to his revenge. his obsession with m. i think it got worse and worse and more convoluted and something severine couldn’t keep up with. and once he understood she wasn’t going to follow him forever he deemed her superfluous. because he’s been abandoned and betrayed before, so he thinks ahead and prevents any possibility by getting rid of her.

ultimately severine is an ex sex trafficking victim caught in the game of silva, bond and m (and isn’t this such a good commentary on colonialism too?)