#j0hnj4e

[j0hnj4ej3n]

fate brought you home to me

soulmate!jaemin x fem!reader (part 1!!)

click here for part 2 !!

word count: 4.8k

warnings: slight angst 

note: i just had this idea randomly one day, i’m sorry if its not good but yes i still hope you enjoy reading it !!

Everyone has someone who is made for them in this world - soulmates. Some soulmates do find each other, they fall in love and live happily ever after. However, some people aren’t so lucky. Some soulmates end up falling out, some don’t ever find their other half and some merely don’t believe in soulmates. 

Every child receives their soulmate notebook as a way to communicate with their other half. It starts out as a plain, white, covered notebook, until one of the pair writes in it. That��s when unique designs start to appear on the cover. Whatever is written in one notebook will appear in the other and vice versa. That way, soulmates might get to find each other one day. At least, that’s what’s supposed to happen. 

Jaemin just turned five when he received his notebook. When his parents explained what it was used for, young Jaemin was excited to find out who his soulmate and new friend would be. As an only child, Jaemin found himself feeling rather lonely at times. He only had a few friends at childcare and was alone most of the time. 

That night before he went to bed, Jaemin took out his colourful markers and decided to write a message for his soulmate. In his best efforts to make his words neat and pretty, he wrote, “Hello soulmate! My name is Na Jaemin but you can call me NANA! I am 5 years old now, I hope we can be friends!” He finished off by drawing pink hearts and flowers around his message with a cute little bunny on the bottom right of the page. He looked at his finished product and smiled proudly before closing the notebook. He gasped as he witnessed the previously white cover turning baby pink and a pretty drawing of a fountain appeared on the center of the cover. With that, Jaemin placed his notebook carefully in his drawer beside his bed before tucking into bed and made a silent promise to himself and his soulmate that he was going to protect this notebook with his life. 

You were six when your mother presented you with a baby pink notebook that had a pretty white fountain on the front cover. “This is your soulmate notebook and by the looks of it, they already wrote in it,” she said as she handed it to you. You looked at her in confusion, “What’s a soulmate?” you asked as you flipped open the notebook, and you noticed how the first few pages were filled up. Your mum slowly explained to you the concept of what a soulmate is and when she left you alone in the living room as she went to prepare dinner, you read what a particular boy named Na Jaemin wrote in the few first pages of your notebook. 

“Hello soulmate! I do not know your name yet so I can only call you soulmate for now. How old are you? What colour do you like? I hope you will write back to me soon! Have a sweet dream tonight! - NANA” 

“Hello soulmate, it has been a few months. My mum says that maybe you do not have your notebook yet, that is why you have not written back. I hope you get it soon, so that we can be friends! Goodnight soulmate! - NANA”

“Hi soulmate, it has been a year since I wrote to you. It is my birthday again, I am 6 years old now. Sorry I did not write to you for so long, I sometimes forget about the notebook. For my birthday, I wished that you would write back to me. I hope it will come true soon. Goodnight. - NANA” 

“Hi, have you gotten your notebook yet? Today is my birthday again, I am 7 now. I have a best friend now, his name is Jeno. But other than him, I still do not have many friends so I am feeling quite lonely. I wished for you to write back to me again this year. But I think it won’t happen so soon. - Jaemin” 

You realised how with each page, his pages got less colourful and were no longer decorated with drawings. You understood how it feels to be lonely as you too didn’t have any siblings. You felt a little sad because he said he felt lonely and so you wrote him back right after you finished reading his messages. You took out your colour pencils and scribbled away. 

“Hello Jaemin! I am y/n and I am 6 years old this year. I only got my notebook today, I am sorry that I did not write back. I want to be friends too! I like the colour pink, what about you? Happy birthday Jaemin, I will be your friend now so the two of us will not be lonely anymore. Talk to you soon! - Y/N” 

That night, Jaemin flipped open his notebook, expecting no replies from his soulmate again. He was getting used to being disappointed with the lack of replies but still, he checked it every night out of habit. That’s when he flipped to the new page and realised that there was another message written in blue colour pencil and a drawing of a stick boy and stick girl holding hands. He stared at the page, frozen with both shock and a wave of happiness. “M-mum! She wrote back, SHE FINALLY WROTE BACK!” Jaemin shouted as he ran out of his room to the living room to show his mum the newly filled page. 

He held it with both hands, proudly showing it to his mum as he jumped up and down. They read the message together and right before bed, Jaemin wrote back to you excitedly. That night, he went to sleep with the biggest smile on his face. 

Since then, you two wrote back and forth to each other and got to know each other more and more. You learned that Jaemin liked pink too, his favourite animals were bunnies and samoyeds (he said he couldn’t decide) and that he liked strawberry but doesn’t like strawberry flavoured food. 

He learned about how much you liked baking with your mum and how you liked bunnies too but have a fear of dogs. He also learned that you sadly don’t live in Seoul like he does. That however, didn’t stop him from inviting you to his 10th birthday party. If anything, you would consider Jaemin your best friend, you’ve been writing to him for 3 years now and other than your mum, he knows you best. 

It was obvious how you couldn’t attend his party but you still wished him a happy birthday that day. “Happy Birthday NANA!! I’m sorry I couldn’t be at your party but I hope you have the best day today. I truly hope we get to meet one day, maybe when we’re older, then we can celebrate our birthdays together. Fun fact! I’m moving to a new apartment soon, I’m quite excited to move. Sadly, it isn’t any closer to Seoul. If I get to go to Seoul one day, we should meet up. Anyways, I have to go, Happy Birthday again NANA! <3 - Y/N”

He wrote back telling you he had a blast and that he understood that you couldn’t make it. He went on to tell you how much fun he had at his party and how you two should definitely meet one day. That day when he blew out the candles, he wished that he could meet you soon. 

A few months later, in November, you finally moved to your new apartment. You didn’t get to write to Jaemin for two nights because you had your notebook kept in one of the moving boxes but you promised him you would write to him again once you unpacked. After unpacking everything however, you couldn’t find your notebook anywhere. You panicked and even asked your mum to help you search for it. “I’m sorry honey, maybe you left it at the old place. Or it got lost somewhere. We’ve searched everywhere,” she told you as tears brimmed in your eyes. That night, you cried in your mother’s arms, extremely devastated over how you might never get to talk to your soulmate again. 

Weeks after your last message, Jaemin still checked every night to see if you’ve written back. Months and years have slowly gone by with no sign of you writing back. He still continued writing, telling you bits and pieces of his life. He got his first phone when he turned 12, the first thing he did was to try to find you on social media. Anything to try to contact you again, after all you were his soulmate and your sudden disappearance left a void in his heart. However, with less hope and a lack of any response from you, he slowly stopped searching online and his messages also got evidently lesser. Yet, every birthday from then on, he continued to wish for you to write back again.  

It’s been years since you last saw that pretty baby pink notebook you loved so much. You’re eighteen now and have finally (and thankfully) graduated with good grades. You’ve always dreamt of moving to Seoul to attend university there and after much consideration, your mum gave you the green light. 

You’re leaving for Seoul in 3 days and you were going to live with your aunt throughout your stay there. It was 1 in the afternoon and you and your mum were rushing about trying to pack whatever you need for at least the first semester of school. You were putting your coats and sweaters into one of the cardboard boxes since it's still pretty cold in Seoul and you wouldn’t want to catch a cold and miss any lectures. 

“Here, I found some notebooks in a box in the storage room, I totally forgot the box was there. Maybe there’s some of them that you can still use so you don’t have to spend too much on stationery,” your mum then plotted a stack of notebooks on the space beside you as she continued to run around trying to make sure you have everything you need. 

After sealing the box filled with your coats and sweaters, you turned your attention to the stack of notebooks next to you. That’s when an oddly familiar baby pink one caught your eye among the stack. You quickly took the two other notebooks off the stack and was face to face with the pretty baby pink cover and the fountain planted right in the middle. You let out a chuckle in disbelief, repeatedly saying “Oh my God” as you picked the notebook up and scrambled to your feet. 

“Mummy! It’s here, it was here all along,” you ran to your mother who was in your room, packing more of your things into a box. The two of you shared your excitement as you sat on your bed and started reading your past messages you shared with Jaemin. You came across the last message you wrote to Jaemin, the one before you moved and ‘lost’ the book. Suddenly, you felt a little anxious to flip to the next page, you started feeling that same guilt you felt when you first lost your book. You always wondered how Jaemin took your sudden ‘disappearance’, he must have been so sad or maybe he got angry at you. So you closed the book before you could find out and decided that you would wait till you’re done packing before you continue reading. 

Throughout the next 2 days, you finished up the last of your packing, with everything you needed placed at the back of your mum’s car, you were ready to go to Seoul. Tonight would be your last night at home and that baby pink book that stayed untouched on your bedside table was calling out to you. So after washing up and before going to bed you finally picked it up. 

You remember how much you wanted to get a phone so that maybe, just maybe you could find Jaemin somewhere on SNS. But when your mum finally got you a phone, it seemed hopeless trying to find him on social media platforms. The number of people named Jaemin and for all you know, he might not have put his name as his username. Soon, you gave up trying to find him, believing that if the two of you were truly soulmates, fate will bring you two back together again. 

Yet here you are, fate finally giving you the chance to reconnect with the boy who would cloud your thoughts late at night every now and then and you’re too nervous to even flip beyond your last message. 

“Stop being such a wuss y/n, what are you so afraid of?” you scolded yourself, really though, what are you so afraid of? Jaemin would never get mad at you, he was always so sweet and understanding. You lost your notebook, it’s not like you didn’t want to reply to him on purpose right? He would understand, he’s your soulmate after all, he wouldn’t blame you, right? 

You took a deep breath before finally turning the page. 

“HI Y/N!! It’s been about a week, have you moved to your new place? It must be really pretty, just like you! I don’t know why you haven’t been writing back but my mum says you’re probably still busy with unpacking. I miss you y/n, write me back once you see this! - NANA <3”

“Hi y/n, how have you been? It’s been months, are you okay? Did something happen? I really hope you’re okay, I just really miss you. The new school year started and I’m really enjoying going to school with Jeno. We joined the basketball club but Jeno is a lot better than I am haha, I’ll still try my best though. We also made a new friend, his name is Donghyuck! You must be enjoying school too, I hope you have many many friends so you won’t be lonely. Just hoping that you’ll write back to me soon, I miss talking to you y/n. Have a goodnight, sweet dreams~ - NANA <3”

“Happy Birthday y/n! I hope you had a good day, you’re 10 now! I wrote again to wish you but saw that you still haven’t written back. I’m asking for a mobile phone so that I might find you maybe online, I’ll give you my number then. Have a good birthday y/n, I hope you’ll always be happy and healthy! Please write back to me soon, you didn’t forget me did you? - NANA <3”

“Hi y/n, I just turned 11 today, Jeno, Donghyuck and I went out to eat and played at the arcade. I had a really good day, it would have been better if you wrote back to me though :( What happened? Where did you suddenly disappear to? I still don’t have a phone yet, my mum bought me new basketball shoes instead and they're really cool too! Wishing you would write back to me soon, goodnight y/n. - NANA :)”

“Hey, it’s my birthday again, I’m 12 now. Sorry I forgot to wish you a happy birthday this year. I’ve always been busy with basketball after school, we’re graduating and going to middle school soon. Jeno, Hyuck and I are planning to go to the same school, the one closest to our homes. I’m thinking of stopping basketball and joining volleyball though, what do you think? Should I go for it? I don’t know why I still write here, you haven’t replied in forever but I got a phone for my birthday this year! 0XX-XXXX-XXXX here’s my number, if you ever see this you can text me or something. Have a goodnight y/n. - NANA”

“So, I did change to joining the Volleyball club, this feels more me, can’t really explain why. I still can’t seem to find you online anywhere. I’m 13 now, school is pretty fun I guess. There was this new transfered student from China today, his name is Renjun and he stays really near Hyuck, now there’s 4 of us. Anyways, I hope you’re doing fine, maybe you actually lost the notebook. How am I ever going to reach you then? Jeno and Hyuck have already met their soulmates, we haven’t really asked Renjun about this yet. Hoping I’ll get to meet you one day. Goodnight. - Jaemin”

“Hey, it’s been a long while since I wrote to you. My family moved so I live nearer to where my future school is but that’s a little far away from my friends. It’s fine though, we all still go to the same highschool so I still see them regularly. I was putting away all my stuff while unpacking and decided to write to you again. You must have started high school too, since I’m already graduating soon. I got a scholarship from my dream university because of volleyball, that’s pretty cool right? Anyways, I see you haven’t replied. Still, I hope you’re living well. - Jaemin” 

“I turn 20 in a few days. For the last time in the past 10 years, I’ll be wishing for you to write to me.” 

There was a pang in your heart as you read the last message Jaemin wrote to you. His 20th birthday had already passed and he hadn’t written to you since then. Has he really given up waiting for you? You wouldn’t blame him though, he’s been waiting for years. But he still is your soulmate and the thought of him not being a part of your life anymore hurts, even if you’ve never met him before. Soulmates are still connected to each other some way, somehow, but would it be too late for you to write back now? 

Then you remember that he left his phone number for you. Even though it was from years back, it was worth a shot… right? You quickly unplugged your phone from the charger and saved his contact into your phone. Now you’re just staring at his contact on your phone, tempted to press the call button, curious to know if the owner of the number was still Jaemin. 

Seeing that it was already almost 1am,  you decided that you should go to bed soon since you’re moving to Seoul in a few hours. So you stopped yourself from calling the number and decided that texting him would be the more logical way right now. With nervous hands, you started typing. 

“Is this Jaemin? I’m y/n… your soulmate, do you remember me? Sorry I’m only reaching out to you now, when I moved years back, I really couldn’t find my notebook so I couldn’t write to you. I’m so so so sorry, I hope you’re not mad. I’m sorry you waited for so long-” you realised you were rambling and you sound so… weird and definitely uncool. So you backspaced everything and settled for a simpler text. 

1:15am - hi, is this jaemin? -

You continued charging your phone after that and quickly went to bed, letting your mind be filled with the thoughts of your soulmate until you were too tired and fell asleep. 

It was a Saturday morning and Jaemin woke up to his alarm promptly at 6:30am, like every other weekend morning. He remembered listening to music after bathing and drying his hair, the training from that evening causing his eyelids to feel heavy. Now, he was sitting on his bed, his hair messy as he rubbed his tired eyes awake. On the bed beside his own, Jeno stirred in his sleep, “Get up, let’s go for a ride before it gets too sunny,” Jaemin said as he pulled Jeno’s comforter off him before walking to the toilet to freshen up and change into appropriate attire for their weekly morning cycle. 

After Jaemin’s family moved closer to the university to make it easier for him to commute to and from school, he ended up moving into the school’s dormitory with Jeno. It was more convenient for the two student athletes too, since training was so tough at times, it was just easier to walk 10 minutes back to the dorm instead of taking the bus 20 mins home. But it was comforting to know that home and family are nearby. 

After changing, he exited the bathroom as Jeno entered sleepily while mumbling a tired “good morning”. Jaemin greeted him back before heading to the kitchen to heat up the sandwich they got from the school cafeteria yesterday for breakfast for the two of them. After they finished breakfast, they took their helmets, put on their shoes and were ready to go downstairs to get their bicycles from the parking area. 

They were about to enter the lift when Jaemin suddenly noticed the lack of weight in his pockets, “Ah, Jeno, hold on a sec. I forgot my phone,” he said as he walked back towards their dorm. “Some things just never change… Jaemin, hurry UP.” Jeno grumbled and eventually shouted from inside the lift, frustrated despite being used to Jaemin’s forgetfulness. 

“Alright, alright, I’m back don’t need to shout my dear Jeno,” Jaemin said as he walked into the lift, eyes frowning slightly at the message notification on his phone screen. “Hey, do you recognise this number? I got a text from it but it’s not someone from my contacts,” he asked Jeno as they were walking towards their bicycles. Jeno took a look at the number and shook his head, “Nope, but whoever that is seems to already know you.” 

It wouldn’t hurt to reply anyways, so he did quickly before putting his phone away and unlocking his bicycle from it’s parked spot. 

You were moving the last of your things to your aunt’s house with both your aunt and your cousin, Jisung’s help. You had a pretty tearful goodbye with your mum this morning when your aunt and cousin came to pick you up but she had things to settle at work so she couldn’t help you move. It’ll be another 3 months till your mum has free time to come to Seoul to see you so you couldn’t help but feel sad and slightly scared to live away from the woman you have seen everyday of your life. 

“There’s the last one, man… Why do you have so many boxes anyway?” Jisung complained as he placed the box on your new bedroom floor with a thud. It was a pretty room, a little bigger than yours back home. They were kind enough to have bought a new study table and cardboard just for you and you were grateful overall that they would offer you a place to stay, although your aunt claims that it’s nothing you can’t help but feel bad because she had to prepare so much just for you to move in with her. 

“I’m staying here for a few years Jisung, not a sleepover, am I supposed to just bring 5 pieces of clothes? But thanks for helping me move little guy,” you replied to his question as you tiptoed to ruffle his hair. “Me? Little? I can barely hear you from up here shortie,” he said as he swatted your hand away for messing up his hair. You punched his arm for calling you ‘shortie’ as he laughed at your offended expression. 

You spent the day unpacking and barely touched your phone. Truthfully, you were busy from unpacking but a part of you avoided checking your phone because you were nervous to see if Jaemin replied - or if it was Jaemin at all. You finally finished unpacking with the help of Jisung and his height, you placed the baby pink notebook carefully on your study table, beside your laptop. 

You took a quick bath and finally sat on your bed letting your muscles relax after the long day. You remembered how your mum told you to call her before you went to sleep so you took your phone from its spot on your study table and was going to call your mum when you saw that Jaemin replied to you. You literally froze upon seeing his name on your screen and your heart was on the verge of exploding after reading his reply. 

6:50am - hey yea it’s jaemin here, who’s this? -

You wanted to cry, out of happiness? Or maybe it was from how nervous you were to reply to him. What if he actually is mad at you? Or maybe he didn’t want to talk to you anymore? But you wouldn’t know until you try right? 

8:13pm - hey, it’s y/n here. - 

8:15pm - after i moved, i really couldn’t find the notebook so i couldn’t write back to you. i found it while i was packing for Seoul a few days ago, i’m so sorry for making you wait so long and you’re probably mad at me but i’m really so so sorry :( anyways, i hope you're doing well jaemin -

Upon clicking send, you threw your phone on the bed, afraid of his response; if he even decides to reply to you. So you sat there two feet away from your phone, like an absolute idiot, staring at your black screen. Two minutes went past and he hasn’t replied, you wondered if he has even read it yet. Five more minutes later, you started to get impatient as you frowned at your still black screen. You sighed and decided to head downstairs to use the house phone to call your mum instead, since that was what you intended to do before you got distracted. 

Jaemin was doing some research for his assignment while eating his favourite brand of cup noodles. He was reading some article as he picked up the cup of noodles, slurping away when his phone lit up with a ‘ding!’. While chewing, he picked his phone up and unlocked it to read the text. 

When he read the messages on his screen, he gasped, forgetting how much food he had in his mouth and ended up choking. He coughed repeatedly and quickly grabbed the coffee on the table to drink in order for him to calm down. “Are you okay? What happened?” Jeno asked, looking up from his phone after hearing Jaemin cough. He got up from his bed to pat Jaemin on the back, trying to make sure his friend doesn’t choke to death. 

After Jaemin stopped coughing, he turned to Jeno and shoved his phone into his hands. Jeno’s eyes widened as he read the message over again before looking at Jaemin who was staring back at him. This unspoken excitement evident in the air, “W-what are you waiting for? Reply her,” Jeno shoved the phone back into Jaemin’s hand, Jaemin’s assignment long forgotten. 

“I don’t know what to say, I haven’t talked to her in like… forever” Jaemin said as his leg bounced up and down, he never imagined this day would come. Every birthday wish, every 11:11 spent on you and you finally returned to his life. Finally. But now, his mind’s a blank and he doesn’t know where to begin. 

“Maybe start by telling her you’re not mad? She seems to feel really bad,” Jeno said and Jaemin nodded, unable to really speak after being so emotionally overwhelmed. You’re his soulmate, he couldn’t even find it in him to be mad at you. He’s just glad fate has finally brought you back to him. 

After talking to your mum on the phone and eating ice cream with Jisung in the living room you go back upstairs to your room. You finally pick up your phone to see if Jaemin replied, you took a deep breath as you unlocked your phone to see that your message app has a small number 2 at the top right hand corner. You clicked on it and Jaemin’s message appeared on your screen. 

8:31pm - no no, i’m not mad at you. but wow it’s been so long, i’m doing great and i hope you are too. - 

8:33pm - are you already in Seoul? do you maybe want to meet up? to just catch up and stuff :) -

You felt relief wash over you when you saw that he wasn’t mad. You’re glad, you wouldn’t have known what to do if he was actually mad at you. Even after waiting for so long, he didn’t hold it against you. Being able to reconnect with him after so long brings you a sort of warmth you can’t quite describe. 

8:45pm - i just got here today and yes, i would love to finally meet you -

[jaesayshi]

✽ - angst ✬ - fluff ❆ - smut ✺ - series

note: hi i just want to share to you guys the jaehyun imagines that i read/about to read from these amazing authors❤️

nct fics record

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

Render your heart - ❆ by @lovestrucked-again

The breakfast club - ✺ by @jaehyunhour

Runaway - ✬✽ ❆ by @wincore

It’s your birthday, make a wish.. - ❆ by @jaehyunfirstlove

2:45pm - ❆ @peachycheeks14

In front of you - ❆ by @sluttyten

The secretaries - ✺ by @2enjun

Apologies - ✽ ❆ by @nakamotonudes

Promises - ✽ ❆ by @bvbyxuxi

Spoil - ❆ by @earth-to-that-asian

2:45 - ✽ by @boiolay

7:39pm - ❆ by @babiekaykes

Mr.Jung - ❆ by @domjaehyun

Make a wish - ❆ by @jaespresso

New Dad - ✬✽ by @ijenoyou

The King - ✬✽ by @osakaprince

I like me better - ✬❆ by @tyonfs

Broken Mirrors - ✽ ❆ by @neovisioned

As you wish - ❆ by @hongism

Daddy Jaehyun - ✺ by @jaehyunspeachparty

20:51 - ✽ by @peachyyjaes

Cowboy - ✺ by @prettywordsyouleft

Overpriced Shower Gel - ✬ by @shanghai-lu

A summer love - ✬✽ ❆ by @ncteaxhoe

Jaehyun's Body - ✬✽ ❆ by @alreadyblondenow

Sugar Daddy!Jaehyun | one | two | - ✽ ❆ by @freakynct

Push and Pull - ✬✽ ❆ by @baobaojng

The more you know,the harder you fall - ✽ by @j0hnj4e

Reaching Out - ✬✽ by @thenctaddict

Baby - ✽ ❆ by @moonctzeny

Fratboy!Jaehyun Babysitting - ✬ by @jungstruly

Domaine de la Romanée - ✬✽ ❆ by @heartau

Boy things | one | two | -✬❆ by @dimplyjae-archive

Love, Eternal - ✽❆✺ by @jungcity

Breaking Bonds - ✬✽ ❆✺ by @jaedore

Fly Away with Me - ✬✽✺ by @cupofjae

Juliet Alpha Echo - ✬✽ by @stormae

The Season of Giving | Sequel - ❆ by @markresonates

When Icarus Falls | one | half time interval | two |- ✬✽✺ by @baobaojng

Paradiso - ✬✽ ❆ by @caiuscassiuss

We'll be alright - ✬✽ by @yoursinfulurges

Sweet Escapade - ❆ by @nctsworld

When The Snow Falls - ✬✽ by @notnctu

02:02 - ✬ by @peachyyjaes

What happens in Mykonos - ✬✽ ❆ by @ceruleanskies

Bet On It - ❆ by @mlinkwell

4:40 pm - ✬ by @nctsplug

Dilf | one | two | - ❆ by @yoonoh-luvr

Spilled Coffee - ❆ by @whereisten

Unexpected Love - ✺ by @kpop---scenarios

part two

note : i already reached the limit of mention,so i'll create a part two for this fics rec😂

– follow for more fics recs❤️

[j0hnj4ej3n]

mean it - jeno au

jeno × fem!reader

word count: 1.4k

warning: angst :")

It was close to midnight and jeno was preparing to go to sleep, his roommates, jaemin was already asleep and hyuck was still out partying somewhere, who knows? He changed into a clean, white, comfy shirt and black sweats as he went to wash up for bed. He sighed as he finally got to relax onto his bed, the muscle aches from basketball training yesterday became more sore today and all he really wanted to do was sleep till 2pm. 

That was when his phone started vibrating on his nightstand. He groaned, he thought it had to be hyuck annoying him into picking him up from wherever he was. So he picked up without a second thought, ready to scream at hyuck to get his ass home by himself. “Hyuck, i am NOT picking you up,” he spat out before even saying hello. His heart momentarily stopped when he heard sobbing instead of hyuck’s complains about how he was being a bad friend. 

“y/n, where are you?” jeno said as he shot up from his lying position, now wide awake, his sleepiness washed away by the thought of you crying and alone. “I-i’m outside your door, can you please let me-” you said in between sobs and before you could complete your sentence, the front door swung open and there jeno was, glasses perched on his nose. You dropped your phone into your bag and hugged jeno as you ugly sobbed into his shirt. 

Here he was again, standing behind his front door that was now closed, holding you as you cried over the same asshole who never knew how to treat you right. He was angry, at the number of times this exact scene has occurred over the course of 3 months and he doesn’t know why you won’t just leave him even when you said you would time and again. But he was also tired, tired of watching you get your heart broken over and over again. Tired of only getting to hold you this close when he can’t. Tired of you calling him when you’re heartbroken and crying over this boy. Tired of being your comforter and nothing more. 

Yet, all he does is hold you close and rub comforting circles on your back as his clean, white shirt continues to get drenched in your tears. Because he knows after tonight, you’ll be running back to your boyfriend like he didn’t just hurt you, like you didn’t cry over him for hours the previous night, in someone else’s arms. 

After you’ve calmed down, he brings you into his room and brings you a cup of water to calm you down even more before you start telling him what had happened. He had to fight the urge to hold your still trembling hands, giving you the time you needed to calm down and come to terms with how you were feeling. So he left you fidgeting and playing with your fingers, the expression on your face pained him, to see you so broken once again. You didn’t know what to tell him, there was nothing more to tell him but the fact that your boyfriend went out drinking again and came home smelling like sweet perfume and marks planted on his skin that was clearly not from you. It was a never-ending cycle and you can’t believe you let it happened again. 

“What did he do this time?” jeno asked, and you remained silent, the feeling of crying came rushing back to you. “He was messing around again wasn’t he?” all you could do was nod. Jeno sighed and pulled you into him as tears began to flow down your face once again. “What am I doing wrong? Am I not good enough for him?” you asked as you let yourself break down again. You should be numbed by now, from the sheer number of times your boyfriend had been unfaithful but it still hurts. The first person you always thought of running to was Jeno, he never failed to make you feel better. But you knew it was wrong too, it doesn’t take a genius to know that Jeno liked you. He still does, and it’s so cruel of you to use his feelings to your advantage. It wasn’t like you haven’t considered leaving your toxic and messy relationship to be with Jeno, who would treat you right, who you knew would never have you running to someone else for comfort. But it was easier said than done, because at the back of your head, you believed that your boyfriend loves you, that it was just his way of life that he has yet to get out of. That one day, he would realise that you were all he needed. 

“You are more than good enough, you’re too good for him. He’s just too blind to see how lucky he is to have you, he doesn’t deserve you.” Jeno whispered loud enough for you to hear. You were now lying on his chest, his arm draped naturally over your waist and his other at the back of his head. “If only he would treat me as well as you do…” you said snuggling closer to Jeno if it was possible. You could feel him stiffen under you when you said that, like he was holding back, wanting to say something but deciding against it. “You should… talk things out with him, stop letting him get away with it,” was all Jeno muttered out. When in reality, he’d wish you would just leave him for good and let him love you like you deserved. 

“I’ll try… thank you Jeno, I wouldn’t know what to do if not for you,” you said as you looked up into his eyes. He was looking back at you, the look in his eyes unreadable. It felt like a mix of love and pain, but all he did was smile back at you. In this moment, you had the sudden urge to close the space between both your lips. Maybe it was an attempt to fill the current void you felt in your heart, or to ease the pain you felt. Or perhaps, you just wanted to feel the love you know Jeno was so ready to give. 

And so, you leaned in and before closing your eyes, you saw Jeno’s expression change from his smiling one to one of confusion. You could feel how close you were to him, his breath brushed against your lips and you could almost feel his lips on yours before he pushed you away. The warmth that surrounded you for the past few minutes was replaced with the cold as Jeno pushed you out of his embrace. “We can’t.” was all he said as he sat back up and ran his hand through his hair, looking down on the floor instead of at you. “It’s bad enough that you’re here at my house instead of talking things out with your boyfriend. What’s the difference between you and him if you just kissed me as if he didn’t exist?” he said, frowning at the floor before he looked back at you. 

“I’ll leave him, I don’t want to be with him anymore.” you said as you moved closer to Jeno, hating how you knew he was right about how wrong all of this is. “That was what you said the last time. And you know you’re just going to run back to him once he apologises, so stop saying things you don’t mean.” and all you could do was stare back at him. Now you see it, the exhaustion and pain you’ve brought to Jeno. You felt like crying again, not over your boyfriend but now, because of Jeno. Your lack of response caused Jeno to chuckle coldly, “See? You don’t mean it,” he said so matter-of-factly it scared you a bit. “But I need you Jeno,” you muttered out, so softly you wondered if he heard you. Jeno stood up and took your bag off the floor beside his bed, “I think it’s time for you to go,” he said monotonously, handing you your bag. 

It hurts Jeno to have to push you away, but he knew he had to. It was wrong and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from falling any harder for you if he were to give in to you trying to kiss him just minutes ago. He was tired from running round and round, hoping that one day you would really leave that  trash of a man when he knew it wasn’t going to happen. It was all messing with his head so much that he couldn’t have you around anymore for tonight. For tonight, because he knows he’ll still hold you in his arms nights to come when your boyfriend broke you again. He knows he was always going to be there for you, when you tell him you need him, even when you don’t mean it. 

[j0hnj4ej3n]

[1:27AM] It was late and jaehyun was still unable to sleep, he was planning to have an early night but as usual, the moment he wasn’t busy with his work, his thoughts were filled with you. He has been lying in bed tossing and turning for hours. The two of you broke up almost a month ago, mutually. Breaking up is never an easy thing to do and it was obvious that the past 2 years together was filled with wonderful memories. He loved you, he really did and he was sure you did too.

But when you two entered different schools and got busier, things began to change. You two were no longer able to spend as much time together, always either busy with school projects or with your new group of friends. It was a painful decision, to end something that used to mean so much when there was really nothing wrong to begin with. No huge argument, no cheating, nothing. It just didn’t feel right anymore, both of you weren’t putting your relationship first, you two had different goals, different dreams. Being together would only get in the way of your lives.

Yet, when he’s alone, he still thought of you and at many occasions thought of getting back together. To work things out and make the relationship work. But he couldn’t put it on the two of you, to him it just wouldn’t be right. In the midst of letting his thoughts run wild as he reminisces the good times you two had together, his phone buzzed on the nightstand next to his bed. His phone lit up, now being the only source of light in his dark room,  with your caller ID shining on screen.

He shot up from his lying position, his body reacting out of habit like he used to when you would call him late at night in the past, after waking from a nightmare or merely when you missed his voice. But his mind reminded him that you two were no longer together, he stared at the phone that was now in his hands, hesitating to pick up the call.

“jaehyun…baby...where are you? I...I miss you...can you come pick me up? Please I-”

That was all jaehyun had to hear before he hung up, you were out drinking again like you were 2 weekends ago when he received a similar phone call. The urge to run out of the house to go pick you up and make sure you were safe was so strong and yet he knew he shouldn’t. If he were to go back to you, how could he bear to leave you again? So he called taeyong, a close friend of the two of you to go and check on you, apologising for bothering him this late at night but he wasn’t just going to leave you alone out this late a night was he?

With his fingers hovering over the screen, he finally pressed the ‘block’ button, blocking you for good. It was time for him to move on, to forget about you. He can’t keep receiving calls from you like that. His heart ached and the urge to go back to you was to strong, if he doesn’t cut contact with you now, he wasn’t sure if he could fight the urge any longer. “This is for the better,'' he continued chanting in his head as he paced around the room and putting all of your belongings he owned into a cardboard box.

After he was done, the box was safely hidden away, somewhere in some corner of his house. Sitting there, abandoned. And he was back, lying on his bed. Trying his best to forget.

[j0hnj4ej3n]

happy 2022 everyone! 🤍

2021 had been a strangely good year for me and for that im really grateful~ here's to a better year for all of us! no matter how 2021 was for you, i hope the new year brings you all the love and happiness that you rightfully deserve! sending all mi love <3

i would also like to apologize for the lack of updates and writings :( university has been a pain in the butt and im trying to do well too, which is why i've been so busy!! that being said, i do have some works in progress, they are all unfortunately still very much incomplete :(

however, i am planning to start writing for another group too! i'll update more when i come up with what else i want to do with j0hnj4e~

stay safe and take care everyone 💗 here's to a lovely 2022!!