#ive thought about some stuff about them alr

[tesspool]

the crimge has taken over

[starfxkrinc]

ooo i vaguely remember you talking about it b4 you got sniped but maybe you retconned it! id love for you to elaborate bc if jj wasnt alr tweaked out over her before, he definitely went ballistic when he took her virginity. kittens flirting def had him in a frenzy during the entire school day, just for her to be seen with a guy he hates #lol he got suspended that day… jjkitten gets so primally psychosexual in very animalistic ways…

— 🦢

well first jj had sex with that older woman cause he thought kitten was doing the same. subconsciously he wanted to one-up her (she didnt have sex with the guy it was just other stuff) and it like. really pissed her off actually she just never told him. so from then on she upped the mind games cause shes #crazy

first time they had sex there was nothing special or "romantic" about it and like why would it be. he lost it very unceremoniously after a yard job, she seemed to want to get it over with as quickly as possible but there was still a lot of anger and tension, he'd seen her hanging around some guy he just beat up over her and that was part of the issue. every guy who liked her, he would beat up, now most guys wouldn't touch her because jj has effectively marked his territory (resource guarding and all that...) so after the fight instead of visiting jj in the nursing office like she normally does she visited the other guy. she didn't care about him, just needed to prove a point.

so. they're at her house after school, she's changing and he's fucking around at her vanity pretty much interrogating her in that cruel way he likes to.

so how long has that been going on.

he's a dick you know that right.

says crazy shit about you all the time. always goin on about you bein a slut. talking about your tits n shit and i know he's lyin cause ive seen em and they're nothing like what he says.

he just wants to fuck you. half the fucking grade just wants to fuck you and you like that shit.

you wanna fuck him? have you?

and like she's cagey, always is and its pissing him off but he realizes that oh. shit she's a virgin. and he's like thrilled because of he gets to her first it doesnt matter who she sleeps with after. he had her first, she'll compare everyone to him after.

so they have sex. both are feeling a lot emotionally but obviously don't say anything, it's not like they can because by the time they're putting clothes back on her mom's coming home.

jj stays for dinner. sleeps on the couch that night cause her mom says he looks exhausted and she'll drop them off at school the next morning and in the middle of the night she comes out to kiss him and for once she doesn't look mean or agitated.

he somehow ends up not sleeping with anyone for two months after only for her to fuck the guy anyways.

[afterhours-system]

omg transbipolar tips please? (if that's ok ofc!) if u do ty sooooo much (and no worries if not! ty anyway 4 being on tumblr :3)

hiii hello :33 heres some transbipolar tips from a cisBP II guything :D

general tips!!

track 👏 your👏 mood 👏!! i'd suggest one mood tracker for the moods/emotions you're actually experiencing (to track progress for example) (i use Daylio, it's great!) & one for the moods/episodes you want to experience! for BP specific moods (mainly depression/mania) i use Bipolar UK!

exaggerate your regular daily moods! if you've been in a good mood all day but suddenly feel a bit down play it up! i've gone from cruising in a very high mood (perhaps even bordering on hypomanic) to absolutely crashing for days because of one bad mood swing :P

hypomania & mania tips!!! (note: ive yet to experience a 100% manic episode, so i dont have as much personal experience there!)

hypomania: hypomania is characterized, for me, by very very high energy, high productivity (but never finishing anything), lots of inspiration & creative drive and feeling wayyy more social than usual!

also, completely losing track of my finances, needing less sleep (like. 2-3hrs & i feel well rested where i usually need 8-9,,), less need for food, almost no actual feelings of hunger (once in a month long ep i only ate One Piece Of Bread per day with the occasional (once a week max) pizza & was "fine") & being more open to drinking (and/or considering trying to get my hands on 'harder' stuff like psychedelics) where i usually straight up dont like alcohol!

i'd recommend going off of what's alr there for you; so if you notice you've been in a pretty good mood recently, say that's a hypomanic episode now! go out a lot (clubbing if you want to/can!), make efforts to meet new ppl & make friends, be very motivated & high energy and do everything (and i mean everything!) in excess (talk fast af & never stop talking, be restless and pace around, constanty occupy yourself w/ smth bcs otherwise you'll be understimulated af)

for mania: crank up everything about hypomania by about 300%. it's like there's a million bees inside your bones, you feel restless cant be still do a thousand things in a day, lose all sense of responsibility & become extremely reckless, either due to your extremely elevated mood or because of delusions or other psychotic symptoms.

oh yeah, psychosis! in a mixed ep i spent a day convinced i had somehow accidentally ingested alcohol (i hadnt)! intrusive thoughts, extreme anxiety around it, physical, olfactory & taste-based hallucinations around it, the whole package.

other BP based psychosis ive experienced: visual hallucinations (insects & spiders for me), jumbled & rapid thoughts (it felt different to adhd fast thoughts it was so weird lol)

see this article (link) for other psychotic symptoms during manic (or depressive!) episodes in pwBP!

i'd probably recommend "picking a theme" for delusions & halluciantions & the like, to make it easier to focus on them? tho i havent experienced psychosis enough to know if i have a 'theme' :P

depressive episodes!!

my least favorite (also, i feel like more things are known abt depression) (ALSO- i have seasonal affective disorder too which influences my BP episodes)

depressive episodes mean extreme lethargy for me. im tired 24/7 no matter how much sleep i get (& i'll be getting way more than usual. 10-12 hrs on average with the occasional 13 hrs 🥶).

very little movement. physical, mental, emotional, metaphyical. i often get stuck in bed, if not physically then mentally. spending my day anywhere but in my bed will feel weird & wrong. i will feel pretty numb/wont have access to my emotions anymore & often compltely stop thinking abt & processing my day-to-day life

^ this usually results in strong amnesia around depressive episodes but that might be a plural thing so. take it w a grain of salt lol

depressive episodes also make me self isolate as fuck. im talking forgoing my physical needs if theres a Chance i'll run into my roommate.

oh, yeah, also i just stop taking care of my basic physical as well as i do when balanced. i need to be starving to be able to get up & eat smth, & god forbid i want to actually cook smth rather than eating frozen pizza or eating out/ordering in

i also usually stop doing anything more creative than daydreaming (hashtag immersive daydreaming gang/silly) but even those are less immersive and less frequent. i'll be artblocked 24/7, have no inspiration or motivation and probably wont even miss drawing :P

& thats it! i hope you can find smth usefull in my rambling :3c /gen

and good luck & have fun with your transition!! you have my full support :D /gen

[comvi]

my guesses for your oc's They're ALL teddybear looking i can already see it. DEF dragon features or dragon related i alr know CUTE!!

YJEA!! I havent updated my toyhouse properly in a long time & a lot of guys are missing here but….

https://toyhou.se/galacticake/characters/folder:5745546 <- some pf my fellas if you’d like to observe them.. 👈

some of my personal favourite things to add in characters are dragon features/traits, or those of similar looking creatures (been getting interested in kobolds recently), obviously, but i also LOVE making them really colourful and giving them lots of fun accessories or outfits. Im not too good at actually designing or getting ideas for that kinda stuff though, so it can be a bit hard to *display* that i do like that lol

i have a few more ocs that aren’t here yet, because i want to be sure i like their designs before posting about ‘em. But ive been getting into a lot more alien/extraterrestrial, sci-fi, robot etc-like content and media so… lots of thoughts going on about that. MAYBE EXPECT TO SEE EM POP UP HERE AT SOME TIME!!! :3

[maladaptivedaydreamsx]

caught up with one of my old irls not too long ago and we got to fangirling about a lot of stuff, as one does, and she hmu again this week... to tell me that she ended up diving balls deep into some of the games i mentioned that i played/liked and rec'd for her. had a feeling tears of themis would be up her alley, and wouldn't you know it? she's obsessed now 😂 also apparently binged tf out of obey me this weekend so now I'm just sitting here like omgggg what have I doooneee 🤣 but anyway apparently we have the same taste in tot (she loves marius and luke's crawling up as her 2nd atm hahaha- SHE GOT AN SSR FOR EACH OF EM ALR WITH THAT NEWBIE STANDARD BANNER GUARANTEE AT THAT- even got the luke one ive never gotten kfjdjfjf lowkey jelly but also like so so happy for her bc it'll help her out in catching up on the content sm🙏). and is all over the place with obey me, which is painfully relatable... funniest part is she got to looking around into the cards and is now ✨ excited ✨ for 1st anniv rerun and 2nd anniv cards. she really truly has become one of us in so short an amount of time 😂🤣 just a funny little tidbit i thought I'd share bc I'm not used to irls playing any of these games. one of my best friends also plays a bit of switch otomes, but hates moving games, but our tastes don't overlap. but hey, at least we can still geek out together 🤓💕 hehe

said friend is also curious abt twst and was very sad ayakoi rr had shut down.. the struggle is real.. i still haven't played it on my switch bc my heart weeps for my lost acct, all the updates, and the dusk faction.. will we ever get them?😔

[coralsweep]

ummmmm. hgsn beam me. i dont have coherent thoughts rn but i want to hear yours

i also do not have coherent thoughts rn bc i am currently filled w stress & anxiety but i will try my very very best, thank u very much for asking. i put some stuff under the cut lol

ive only read the 15 chapters up on mangadex rn so this might be outdated but regardless... i think the story is very well set up so far. like the premise is strong imo. im told there are other anime/manga/media with similar plots but at the very least im not familiar with them (so that obv makes it easier for me to like it). but i think the thing that im most interested in rn (& which spurred this on) is that i think whenever u get a non-human/"monstrous" create like fake-hikaru in such close proximity to a human (yoshiki), the question of whether you (fake-hikaru) understand what it means to be "human", whether you want to adopt "humanity" for whatever reasons (for example, staying by yoshiki?), whether you end up choosing to (can you bring yourself to try? what is holding you back?), and whether you can even do so... i think it would be very hard not to touch on these things at all throughout the story, especially given that yoshiki is alr asking fake-hikaru abt what life means to him (wrt end of ch15 re: asako).

so what im interested in is in what direction the author will take it... because i think in and of itself hgsn is not about these questions. (i would give a counterexample, but the first thing that comes to mind is the girl from the other side, and i dont think that quite fits. something vampire-esque, maybe?)

regardless: i dont think hgsn is abt fake-hikaru, or hikaru himself even (this is in part why im personally of the hc that hikaru did not like yoshiki back when he was alive... but i digress), from how i understand the story so far. i think its most interesting to me through the lens of yoshiki: themes of growing up & learning to understand grief (loss of a close friend thru a drastic means), alienation & loneliness (wrt small town, queerness), etc. but i think there could be some very interesting connections b/w fake-hikaru's dilemma & yoshiki's situation that i'd be excited to see expanded.

with the housewife's conversations & the mystery behind hikaru's family i could see the story going in a direction where yoshiki "getting over" hikaru would be +ve resolution, but obv fake-hikaru wouldn't let that go right.. he killed the old lady, but he didn't kill asako. is that just because of yoshiki's intervention? how far would fake-hikaru go to stay with yoshiki? how much can you as the audience trust him & what he says? how much/how long will yoshiki (pretend to) believe him? how would that make yoshiki feel & how would that impact his relationships w other characters, etc.?

i think there r aspects of the story that im definitely more interested in than others, but tldr i think the first few chapters were a very strong start, and the following chapters after that have been needed set up for the story to continue moving... i dont think i had an end point but thank u for letting me ramble for a bit lol.

[ast4rtrying]

I js wna say what i feel abt that time

Or rather what i still feel sometimes

Dear lord,

I dont know why, sometimes i still feel like theres a mask between us, some sort of thick wall

unlike when we would message or talk to each other and reply most things immediately or ask for and give elaboration quickly, things are a lot slower now

I dont know why, i dont want to face it, its fkin unreasonable but sometimes i just feel abit ignored when i ask some things but they arent answered. I unds that in a public space like this we cant answer sensitive things as freely or answer everything bcos its js so slow too, i know. I dont know, i dont see a way to fix this while keeping things smooth and tidy and in line with our promises, i dont

I know i do this sometimes too, sometimes i forget to return to another topic when we're already going down one lane of thought, even if its as impt

I also know that i can ask a lot of qs, a lot of weird or obvious qs that maybe have already been answered, its really js childish for me to expect an answer for them esp in such a slow env and even more so if it seems obvious alr hais, im sorry for that, really adding a lot of stuff clogging up our blogs

And i know its tiring to have to reply to everything posted, i shouldnt have even expected that in the first place. Im sorry its unreasonable, these expectations are unrealistic, and ive been unreasonable too. Im sorry, please forgive me lord, i hope that daniel may forgive me too

Im sorry for that, if i made him feel sad or unheard lord. Im sorry that i didnt make enough effort sometimes to detect what hes feeling, instead focussinh too much on solving it. Im sorry if it made him feel frustrated or ignored like i did sometimes. Im sorry, im trying to do better there and wherever i can too. I pray that you would forgive me for these and anyth else ive done wrong to or hurt you or daniel by doing. I pray that he would forgive me too for any of these that ive hurt him by doing lord. Im sorry lord, and im sorry daniel. Please forgive me

I know we are both trying. We ARE both trying and its hard to address or talk about everything this way js bcos its so slow, theres not enough time in a day to address everything on our minds

Please help us lord, teach us how and give us strength to fix whatever issues or rifts between us, or outside of this relationship that could still be affecting us.

Lord, you provide for all your creations, please help daniel sleep well at night and eat well and regularly each day so that he can live a full and fulfilling life according to your plan for him.

Please heal his body and his stomach of its pain and restore it according to your design for him, so that he can live comfortably and smoothly each day.

Please calm and restore his mind and mental health so that he can live happily and peacefully and fully enjoy this world you have created for him to explore and make better with the gifts you have given him.

Lord, please take care of daniel, help him to live well, fulfilled and happy and following you, regardless of the obstacles or challenges he may face, help him to always be able to overcome them and trust in you.

Please help us both to be honest with ourselves, you and each other and always to support and empathise with each other especially when things are tough.

Thank you for taking care of us and helping our relationship grow thus far, we pray that you will continue to watch over us and help us maintain our relationship in a way that strengthens it, each other and honours you always lord.

Praise you for all your goodness, love, wisdom, mercy and justice, lord, may we praise you forever on earth and with you in heaven. In jesus' name, amen.

Lord, i forgive him already. Amen

Please forgive me world, im sorry for being unreasonable

I hope he is sleeping well

[queridopascal]

Happy 500! Ive had this idea for a while, but it might be too long and complicated. If it is too much feel free to disregard, no hard feelings! I just had this idea where Frankie has been really happy lately and kind of hiding things and sneaking around. So of course the guys think he started using again so they start following him and stuff to kind of catch him in the act, but hes just has a baker girlfriend they don't know about yet and hes been hiding sweet treats she makes him so he doesn't have to share with the guys. If you do write it thanks in advance ❤❤

Hi anon! I looooove this, thank you for sending it in 💞

Frankie’s secret (Frankie Morales x F!Reader)

Warnings: reference to addiction and use of drugs, curse words, fluff

annie's 500 followers celebration ✨ (NOW CLOSED)

"Something's up with him." Pope sighs as he puts down his beer.

Frankie had just entered the bar with a huge smile on his face and was now headed towards the counter.

"He's been acting weird lately..." Benny huffs and shakes his head, Pope and Will nod silently.

"You guys think...?" the youngest Miller asks as he glances at Frankie, and then looks at the others.

"I hope not. I really do." Pope lowers his head and stares at the table's wood grains, lost in thought: Frankie is like a brother to him, and to think that he could have relapsed and fallen down that wagon again makes his blood freeze.

"Hi guys," Frankie joins them and takes a seat at the table "what's with the long faces?"

No answer.

"Fish," Pope takes a deep breath and turns to him "I want you to look at me and tell me what's going on."

Frankie's eyes widen and he lets out a nervous laugh, his gaze darts between Will and Benny before settling back on Pope's face.

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on." he says, indignant, crossing his arms and letting his body language speak.

"Fish," Pope glares at him, his nostrils flaring "just... tell me you're not doing that shit again."

"Christ," he unfolds his arms and opens them "why would I? I'm clean and I'm done with that shit! What's wrong with you, uh?" he starts to gets up from the table and looks at the two brothers for back up, but they stare back at him in complete silence.

"Fish, please." Pope tries to reason with him, but he won’t listen.

"We’re worried, Fish." Benny rests both elbows on the table and looks at him "You’ve been acting strangely, avoiding us at times, you’re not answering your calls, you’re always sneaking around suspiciously and... we’re concerned."

"There’s nothing to be worried about," Frankie puts his right hand above his heart "I swear."

***

It’s Saturday morning when Benny stops at a water fountain to freshen up a bit after his routine morning run. As he catches his breath, a familiar figure walking on the other side of the road captures his attention: Frankie is holding two large paper bags that look like they're filled with food, a joyful expression painted on his face.

Benny doesn’t remember ever seeing him that happy, and he chuckles at that scene before squinting his eyes and noticing that the logo printed on the bags is the one of a famous bakery located at the end of the street.

Driven by curiosity, Benny jogs towards the bakery, a perfect excuse to investigate while buying something for breakfast.

As soon as he enters the small shop, the delicious smell of freshly baked bread and pastries makes his mouth water, and a gorgeous girl greets him from behind the counter.

“How can I help you, sir?” you asks him in a lovely voice as you adjust your apron.

“I’d like to get one of those croissants, please.” Benny points at the pastry behind you and you nod, turning your back to him and putting the croissant into a paper bag before handing it to him.

“Anything else?”

“Well,” Benny gets closer to the counter “Francisco Morales, do you know him?”

“Uhm, yeah,” you nod “he’s my boyfirend. Why?”

“Your what?! ” Benny’s eyebrows rise with surprise at your words.

“My boyfriend, we've been dating for a little over a month now.”

“Oh, that explains a lot of things.” he shakes his head with a smile.

“Wait, are you one of his Delta Force...?”

“Yeah, I’m Benny.” he says, extending his hand to you, and you introduce yourself.

“He’s talked a lot about you, Pope and Will. I'm finally able to put a face to name.” you glance at him as you serve another customer.

“Well," Benny sucks his teeth “no offence, but he’s never mentioned you, I didn’t have any idea he had a girlfriend... ”

“I know. Frankie’s been through a lot, I think he really wants to be sure before sharing something with the people around him." you sigh and Benny nods.

"Well, it was nice to meet you. I'll see you at the party then." he waves at you and leaves the bakery as he takes a bite of his croissant.

***

It's evening when Benny, Pope and Will practically invite themselves at Frankie's house to watch some football.

"You got anything to eat?" Pope asks him as he gets up from the couch and stretches his back.

"Yeah, help yourself. Mi casa es tu casa." Frankie exhales as he watches the game, attentive eyes glued to the screen.

Pope walks into the kitchen and opens the first two cabinets, finding them filled with biscuits and pastries of all sorts. He huffs and opens another cabinet in search of something savory, but its content is the same as the other ones: pastries.

"Fish, what the fuck is this?" he shouts from the kitchen.

Frankie and the other guys rush to him, and Benny's mouth falls open at the amount of baked products stored in the kitchen cabinets, and he smiles to himself.

"That's a lot of pastries." Will steps forward and grabs a plastic container filled with small squares of millefeuille.

"I can explain." Frankie puts his hands up apologetically and takes a deep breath.

Pope and Will look at him, their expressions a mix of curiosity and anxiety, while Benny tries to keep his composure.

"I have a girlfriend and..." Frankie sighs "she's a baker."

"Wow, okay, so this is..." Pope looks around, pointing at all the food.

"Yeah, this is all her work."

"And I guess that's the reason why you've been acting weird lately, uh?" Benny steps closer to him and he nods.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Pope punches his arm playfully "When are we meeting her?"

"Next week, at my birthday party."

***

"You think they like me?" you ask as you help Frankie clean everything up after the party.

"They love you, babe." he walks over to you and places his hands on your hips "Especially Benny I would say. Please, don't run away with him." he adds, pouting a little.

"You don't have to worry, he's not my type." you shake your head and wrap your arms around his neck, caressing his nape with your thumbs.

"Yeah?" he cocks an eyebrow at you.

"Yeah," you nod firmly "he's not you, he's not my Frankie."

Frankie beams at you and rests his forehead against yours, gazing into your eyes for a moment as you get lost in the warmth of his brown ones.

"I... maybe it's too soon for you, but," he sighs, closing his eyes "I think I love you."

"Frankie..."

"I'm sure." he nods, putting his hands on your shoulders "But you don't have to say it back if you're not ready, it's alr-"

"Will you shut up!" you exclaim, putting your index finger on his mouth to silence him.

Frankie gulps and keeps quiet, staring back at you with those adorable puppy eyes.

"I love you, too."

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @withakindheartx @myguiltypleasures21 @computeringturtle @lilpopizzle @sara-alonso @radiowallet @evelynseventyr @thatgirlselectryc  @shadowolf993 @janebby @kirsteng42 @cheekygeek05 @jenacide02 @t3rradactyl @anditsmywholeheart @andiesturgss @tothejedi @mswarriorbabe80 @spideysimpossiblegirl @sunfairyy @sleep-tight1 @jediknight122 @carstwirs @donnaa @miulola @jeeperky @the-wishmonger @aana4664 @hnt-escape @agingerindenial @greeneyedblondie44 @phoenixhalliwell @hb8301 @jediknight122 @snow302085 @elegantduckturtle @darnitdraco @omlwhatamidoinghere @heythere-mel @tobealostwanderer @serini-ty

FRANKIE TAGLIST: @hunnambabe @writeforfandoms @linnie0119 @shinymoonstarfish @gingib @pedritoispunk @audreyispunk

[akuutaguava]

Mars holy shit I just discovered that on desktop you can make folders to organise your spotify playlists !!!!! and it shows up on mobile too but u can only make them on desktop for some reason. and u might already know this but I thought I'd tell u anyway bc u have more playlists than anyone else I've ever met lmao

also also, I heard that you're going to australia!!!! which is super cool, hopefully it doesn't disappoint lol. and, believe it or not, in a few weeks I happen to be going to new zealand :DDD which is a pretty cool coincidence I think lmao. but yea have fun in australia :>

Ohmygod really???? Okay im spending the rest of the day organising them holy shit that is so cool !! Ty for telling me ahh

Haha i’ve already been!! It was v awesome i bought lots of manga including bsd 13 + 14 which im v happy abt lmao

AND OHMYGOODNESS REALLY VBWHSVUSBW

Im gonna like. Give you some info bear w me

there isnt…. Too much to do here… unless you really like nature because there is lots of naturey stuff you can do !!

like go on hikes and go to cool beaches (if its not too cold) you can maybe go skiing if the weather is alright ? (Queenstown is a good skiing place and its snowed there recently i thinkkkk?? so.) theres also water rafting and kayaking and the views are actually stunning !! If you go to the south island theres lots more of that stuff

Christchurch is fun and has lots of nature. Idk thats basically all you can say about it ahsh OOH also the sakura blossoms are out there and it is so pretty !!

But if you’re like me and well dont really wanna do that stuff there is some cool things in the north island !! Ive basically been around the whole country because well… its not that big lmao but i mean auckland has shops and is generally better at touristy stuff than anywhere else lmao

Hawkes bay + palmerston north and other places like that are actually like holiday towns which are always suuuuper sunny and have pretty beaches and nice lil ice cream shops so !!

Wellington. I mean j live there but theres practically nothing to do BAJSBSH i mean there are museums and shopping places but eh idk its fine its good its cool

Idk if you’re coming here for a holiday or anything but like. I kinda wanted to ramble abt nz so just to give some insight ig lmao

Alr okay sorry this is absolutely massive you might not get to do any of this . But . Mmmmm

[timextoxhajima]

HI DANA I'VE MISSED U SO MUCH😭😭

god i really came back to so much new stuff from u😭😭😭 I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY PREPARING FOR MY THESIS AND MY ABROAD YEAR PREPARATION NOW (literally writing this in the middle of finishing another nasty paper i need to do) SORRY I CANT BE AROUND SO OFTEN😭😭😭 i saw that post of yours and omg im this 👌 close to just sending u a message SO WE CAN BE ACTUAL FRIENDS

anw i wanted to tell you this so much so,,, i actually started writing too🥺 (idk it just become one of my coping mechanism with the amount of stress and pressure i've been getting) i would literally write them in my car on my way somewhere or just in the middle of waiting for something, and i wanted to tell you this because idk your writings always brings so much idea into my head so i've been trying to put it out into real words, so thank YOU for helping me find a new hobby that i could turn to as a coping mechanism when things become hard!❤️

i actually do post them on tumblr (just so i wont lose them) so i would actually creep in ur acc everytime i happens to open tumblr to post something but i really havent had the time to read any of your posts yet even though i've been dying to do so BUT IM VERY DETERMINED TO READ THAT JUYEON SERIES AND RACER HYUNJAE SMUT BY THIS WEEK! (hopefully😭😭)

ANDD this is so late but i'm also so glad that you are back on tumblr!! i know this is a very late welcome back message but welcome back dana!! how about u!!! how have you been? i really hope you've been well ❤️❤️ - 🍋🍋

omg get out IT'S MY LEMON ANON EHSJDJSKJD udk how i live in fear everyday worrying about my anons deactivating or going off tumblr and me never actually getting to know them... i started tumblr and shifted away from aff for the sole purpose of being closer to my readers, not knowing that having anons was a thing and yet now i wake up worrying about my anons disappearing 🥺

udk how happy i was to see you in my ask box cause all i saw was HI DANA I MISSED YOU SO MUCH in my notifs and i was alr hoping it was you, i didnt even read the middle and just scrolled down to see if it was signed off by you 🥺🥺🥺🥺

First and foremost, thank you for taking the time to send this in despite all the work you have to do! You sound so packed and so... busy that i almost feel like i shouldnt be taking up your time omo and im actually very surprised that alot of my anons saw that post about the tumblr hug /crying ugly tears/

Also please dont feel the pressure to reveal yourself! tumblr's anon function is meant to protect yourself and so if you are uncomfy with revealing your blog that's totes fine, i just hope that my anons will tell me if they were gonna deactivate, at least i can say goodbye or smth idk

I'm so proud of you for starting to write for yourself! I'm nothing but honored to have... facilitated you beginning to write and i'm just... i'm in awe at how dedicated you are to making sure you know what's best for you and finding out what keeps you happy and healthy (both mentally and physically)

My posts are in a MESS now, ive recently been dragged into the enhypen circle but as you already know i'm still actively writing for the groups im stanning uwu 👁👁

i'm actually really happy to be back on tumblr after a whole sem. The sem was a shitshow and lots of things happened and so tumblr really was my route for escape when the sem finally wrapped up and i moved home from sch and had time to myself. It's been rough, recovering from all the mishaps in the semester, cleaning up all the shit i left behind w people i've decided to cut off contact with and etc. BUT i've gotten alot more vocal and daring ? To make friends here so that's really nice, to have a community back my ass up or at least be around when i need them. I've made so many new friends and some of them ive exchanged personals with, it feels like a fever dream and i dont know if i can bear to leave if the time comes.

That being said, how are you? have your works been helping you organise youe thoughts and feelings since you said they were your coping mechanism? are you taking care of yourself?

I'll alw be here for you to talk to, even when im inactive for posts, my dm/ask box will ALWAYS be open love 💞 welcome (partial) back, and i hope you meet you soon!!!

[selfdiscovery4me-blog]

11-5-17(First Post)

I’m doing this instead of doing my pre-calc homework because i feel like that class dosnt matter and i don't really care idk its fucking stupid i hate that teacher but i feel like he just wants kids to like him. Ive been with my girlfriend all weekend(The thought just occurred to me as how to address these from what perspective and to who, my self or an audience im doing this for myself but do i address it as if im telling a story? im not sure but thats how im going to make it seem like and we will see how that goes). I was with her and her mom, it was recently her birthday and she had a very shitty day, even though I and my Mom tried to make it better she still felt really shitty and was very upset and crying, i remember seeing her bring a blanket out of her room to wrap up and cry into and it hit me that idk like i just felt so bad like something was fucked up like i dont even know what it was but the fact that she had her blanket to comfort her maybe it was because she was cold and wanted to cuddle up but like idk it just struck me as odd and like it just seemed like thats what comforted her and like im just not even sure what to say about it, after us arguing too we finally were able to cuddle and hangout for a little bit with the dog biting us and playing around being annoying but being cute at the same time. I left feeling so confused like ive never felt before i cant explain the emotion that i felt after that like i dont know the vocabulary to put that feeling into words. It was really a mix of being sad, feeling helpless and just i was very unsure of the reasons everything was the way it was and i felt like the world was spinning around me and i was standing still watching it move it was extremely weird, I didn't know what to feel or anything. My girlfriend fell asleep, it was a very tiring day for her but i needed someone to talk to or be with so I asked my friend to come over. (Its almost as if feel 2 different range of emotions when im with my girlfriend and everyone else and they dont work together which almost always ends up bad) We hungout and just listed to music and talked, we went into the my hot tub with the kid who lives next to me. I have known him for a long time but he is kind of a shitty person and friend, weve been friends for so long but yet he switches up on me idk my girlfriend hates him because he talked shit about us and made stuff up about her. I guess im just used to it with him by now but she dosent like it and insists that i don’t be friends with him. Whenever i talk to her about it i alwys leave feeling like yeah fuck him i dont wanna be his friend but then when i see him or talk to him like i just wanna be his friend idk why if its just easy or what like hes in my friend group and not a bad person to be around, he dosent talk shit about her or us anymore around me anyway because whenever he does i continue to make him feel like shit about things he does for the rest of the day which now i dont have to do because he dosent talk. Anyway yeah i had nick over and we smoked and today Alex found out about it that i had him over, she made me promise not to hangout with my friends but i made the promise almost knowing that i wasent going to hold it yet i still continue to tell her that. She balled her eyes out today after finding that out, i apparently broke her trust again. I still love her but i want to hangout with my friends i want to go to parties :/ im so inlove with her like i cant bring myself to break up with her like i love her and it fucking sucks because our relationship is going toxic i guess and i really need to probably get out of it before i destory everything i have or had even more but i cant bring myself to do it. I think about things and like i wish everything would just go away that would make it so much easier, if she would just break up with me and leave or something that would make me break up with her like that would be easy and i think its kind of fucked that i think that but at the same time maybe that shows in the way i act its kind of fucked also that i make all these hollow promises to her when I have my own agenda which i make seem like or feel like i have no room or time for actually doing things which she wants too. Maybe i have 2 high of an exception when it comes to high school and my friends and everything i do and i want to do. I feel like she is holding me back but also a crucial part of me, I started loosing interest when more was coining out of my friend group and that started to become something of greater interest to me. Like before we all did the same shit every weekend but now its different but im not sure if it is i dont know maybe the grass is always greener on the other side. I just need someone to talk to but its hard because im fighting a mental battle between my girlfriend and all that surrounds her and my friends and all that surrounds them. I feel like i can do whatever i want and not really experience the consequences for some reason because i feel like i can pull up before getting burned but im not sure if thats really the case because i feel like everyone feels like that way about themselves probably till reality hits them.Maybe im too optimistic im optimistic in waiting for my stocks to go up like i threw 75 of my savings money into them because i hope that somehow they will go up, invested that plus about 100 other dollars into a coin that i know absolutely nothing about and im not sure if that is a good decision or a bad one or just an in the middle idk fuck theres so much going on in my head right now with school and everything too like fuck idek. I literally cannot make this decision between my friends and girlfriend like just thinking about her shes so cute and adorable and perfect when everything is how she thinks it should be but its not what is making me happy entirely like yes i love her and i like to be with her but like its not like thats all i wanna do. I cant sit sill i have to move i have to do more things like and she just wants things to remain how they once were where they appeared perfect. For some reason i feel like im a really good boyfriend and did whatever she wanted at the time because i didnt want to be made fun of or joked about like if we ever broke  up and i dint want to end things with her and have her thinking about me as a shitty boyfriend like i wanted her to think of me the way she thought of her ex but i guess in doing that i also made her never want to loose me and she now is crazy and ive been shitty to her i think but maybe i haven't but she just puts crazy rules on me and i dont like to follow them so does make that me a bad boyfriend if the rules are crazy? I think i live in an idealistic world where everything will work out for me because i think it will and i know i can put my mind to it and make it work but im not sure if that is really tested and i know i can or if im just like high on my own ego and i can get let down when it actually comes time to do it. I just fucked with my girlfeinds ig and told her i hacked it and had dudes block her which is funny cuz she left it logged on on my phone and i blocked them but ill see how long i play this out for but it made me happyish and feel good and takes my mind off of things so it was alr. I think im going to stop todays thinggy here ill probably just play with the look of my blog. Maybe ill start a website for this idk well see. i enojoy this kinda idk i still want someone to talk to but everyone just like dosent get it they always just easily pick one side but its not that easy its so hard trying to play both sides an make both side happy and work with it when one side dosent like each other and i feel like i need both things :( maybe ill type more later. Goodbye

[kyandice]

CANDICE EDIT THIS UGLY SHIT WHEN U HAVE THE FUCKING TIME

this is an ugly unedited one it has been in my drafts for like 2 months already. so whatever i just posting it. ill edit it if i have the time. thins is is i actually edited half way and MY FUCKING COMPUTER FUCKING CRASHED SO I GAVE UP  and yeahhh ill just post this ugly unedited one and ill edit it again WITH PROPER ENGLISH WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. idk i just cqnt see stuff in my drafts i just havre to post it and yewah wtf.

this unedu=ited stuff is just me writing key poiunts about my day and not like urghhhhhhh i hate this commmmmm. normally i would describe more but i dont want it in my drafts anymore so ill edit it when im free OKAYYYY.

1/3 

Hahahahahah lmao this was the date when i got tgt with K 3 years ago.(omg i still rmb, but tbh its nth special i just rmb useless stuff pretty well)  Never wanted to date a guy again even i with crushes back in sec sch. but anyways, today i went to Sentosa w/ B and he seemed to really like the artificial fiels alot but it was like in the afternoon so it was still kinda hot and yeahhhh. Like it would be much nicer at night. There will be like alot of stars and fireworks too and it will be more windy and cooling idk but it will be nicer at night and i want to spend the night w/ B there again. Oh yeah anyways ystd B bought me the batgirl lego keychain and B told me that batgirl had sex with batman and im shoooked.

2/3 and like today we planned to go to his house anddd then go to parkway parade to some lego secret chambers shop. i went out early cuz my junior wanted to pass me her lego characs but she couldnt make it so i was alr at bishan so i just went to tpy and wait for bryan o wake and meet me so i called him at 11am but he woke up and shouted at me so i just like nvmmmm so i went to the library and went window shopping around tpy and i also went popular 1pm i didnt want to call him up but i was like ugh nvm and called him.. and yay he finaally woke up wna read tuesday with morrie, all the fifty shades of grey and in grey's pov n miss peregrine's home for peculiar children but we still went to parkway parade anyays and he asked me to watch letters from iwo jima so i watched it at night and bryan wanted to watch the breakup list on toggle but it kept playing ads and it just wouldnt play the video so b got alittle pissed 3/3 logan, training (our 8th movie)

4/3 finishing crocheting my first thinggg the bear thing shoud i give it to bryan would he want it so today b was vvvv kinda excited this video thing with ck and cez and im like vvv happy for him cuz he can do smthing he rlly likes with cool n funny ffriends. also he said that he didnt want us to go public at first cuz he was afraid that ppl might tease us he said he was afraid i might be ffrustrated but tbh i was hella frustaratred i dont see the point of hiding our rship but im glad werre like opene now and so at night i went to ikea and b messaged me but i was busyt walking and i didnt recieve his msg but i didnt like lock my phone so it was read. but like it was in my pockets and like my mom doesnt allow me to play my phine whenever im walking but yeah anyways b was angry hat i didnt reply him. we sorta quarreled awhile but we were kinda okay after that i guess. wtf sia today midnight i have to distribute stuff to the homeless ppl in bugis and i was wearing a short paanyts and my mom tied this weird looking scarf i swear i look like some carzy hobo youngster wtf.

5&6/3 sneaked out of house, slept over at his house and after that i went to tpy first while he showers, ate and went home early to pack for camp stuff wna stay over at his house again it was fun we tried to watch moanna but was kinda sleepy

7/3 day 1 of camp. slept with b outised tgt

8/3 day 2 of camp (-met javier and sihui -every camps i go i get very angry -shoulder, water balloon) larn cpr and aed the skit thing worst grp ever

9/3 day 3 of camp water activities we won

10/3 tkd training

11/3

-wtf nxt week go msia (wanted to go work) -quarreled with bteh. cuz i cant go out but he wants me to go out -yyour suffering defines you without it yore a void -japan and korea with bryan -my parents -i want more lego charac -money - i cant wait for tmr for ilighhtsss i want to take like alooot pictures tgt with bryannnn styled hair -nicole choo idk why im still so insecure like i know pretty clearly that im decent looking. decent looking enough to make friends, have a job and not get ostracised in society. and well if you arent good looking enough you'll be made fun off/ostracised in society and thats how humans work. and now everywhere you see are pretty girls and how can any girls feel not insecure. Okay, i have a flat and fat nose. i want to have a sharper and thinner nose like michelle. i have pretty small boobs and i want boobs like naomi. my shoulders are too wide from playing softball, i want a smaller width shoulders like grace. my tummy isnt flat i want a flat tummy. and thing is those are pretty famous girls in like sg and im not even talking abt kim kard or emma wats or like jennifer lawr. omg i dont even know where im going with this im just literally typing all my thoughts down. okay and the boys here???? they all follow those people and im pretty sure they compare them over the normal girls in sch. omg what am i even talking abt. i feel silly even typing this out. but okay if your beauty standards doesnt reach like the norm in society you srsly wouldnt have friends. unless youre realllll rich or your sense of humor is rlly rlly great.

12/3 didnt quarrel but we  were obv upset with each other it was a fun day tho when to see i lights took alot pictures ate llaollao no money

20/3 best s ever went home after it bteh gg aunts house today

his flight will be tmr 21/22 job interview got the job bryaan in flight abt cosplay how i dont have frinds

25/03 bryan found my private twitter accnt                                    bteh tole me abt a girl he liked when he was in korea idk if anyone realised but ive got a really really really bad habit. its weird really. but its a thing ive been doing since young and i never talked to anyone about it before. so actually, when im nervous, or stressed out, or just couldnt take my mind off smthing, i would like start peeling or plucking my nails. okay many people do this but, i ahve a weirder one andddd omg i think i will regret saying this. So actually, i pluck i my hair when im nervous, stressed out or just thinking abt smthing i cant ignore. so back in primary 4 i was doing this math practice paper and i couldnt do any those 6marks big problem sums and i was fking stressed out. and well my habit of plucking my own hair started really really young. and at P4 my mom saw me crying

26 toc competition firdst fight win second fight lose how i dont wna fight nationals cuz my weight cat all got national player lose my chance to win gold cant even get silver r came today

29/ power rangers

30 wanted to go coney island with rapheal and jill and bryan but it rained so we went to lan and gamed without jill bryan pushed me and i banged into someone in the end see museums some forest thing the ligths vvv pretyy

28/hotel

31/ hotel went to work after that talk about work made bryan that key chain clp diner and dance

1/4 learn bst bts for club crawl played boomberang didnt workkk aot is out!!!!!!

2/4 today i need to go mountbatten cc to practice my poomsae my poomsae lousy i dont think i can pass at first try anyways president of stf is milan quey idk if i spelt his name properly but yeah. before that ate yellow sub with B will nvr eat there again portion is small yet expensive and food isint so nice at all but since i get to eat with b im vvvv gladdd

3/4 today i went early to B's house. after that met up with madeline and shirlyn to watch boss baby and the movie was quite nice i thought i wouldnt like it and then we ate pepper lunch and omg osaka is a vvv small place like shirlyn went evrywhere i visited like a a year ago

4/4 AND I WOKE UP WITH BTEH lose his doibok and he couldnt find it my maid threathened to take a mail for my mom cuz she lazy walk and she wants me to do it but i was late

5/4 there was demo training we played table tennis for awhile and bteh is good at it, ok maybe its just that i suck at it but yea theres was fmo so we slacked at tg until demo tng started so at night he said hes tired but idk that he wanted to sleep soon and he was like stop it and i was like stop wat but he ttly just shut me off and then i got pissed cuz i would nvr do that to him

6/4 i had to meet herman but like after meeting him timetable i realised i forget to bring my wallet somethimes im torn in beteen like just not gg out with bteh cuz i have no money to eat or spend his money again he keeps saying its okay but its really not okay im just not comfortable like someone spending so much on me i owe money so he told me his specs broke ttly

One of the things dreams do for us is prepare us for worse case scenario. The dream that is closest to reality about a loved one leaving us prepares the mind for the pain that can be inflicted upon us. It creates a probability. That means it could happen, it means it’s a fear you have, and being such your mind protects your psyche in a way to allow you to feel the emotions of the event, even though the event never occurred.

13 reasons why felt like  th main charac like back in sec sch all i wanted was just to finish my olevels and go to poly so i can be a whole new person. someone who i wanted to be withouht anyone laughing at me

1au away from sol 1au measurement unit like light or smthing sol is latin from sun porbbaly it