#ive spent the past 2 years catching up on it all

[thatpunktransboy]

They really don't tell you that you'll spend your mid 20s catching up for what mental illness caused you to neglect and destroy between highschool and now

[mushroom-kin]

This is a study of one of my favorite small scene in Psycho-pass: sinners of system 2.

"Unit One always comes before everything else." - Tsunemori Akane

Psycho pass s2 - an unhinged retrospective - i. Celebrating 10 years anniversary of PP2 - ii. Ode to Shimotsuki Mika - iii. Women's justice - iv. Why both Togane and Kamui combine to make the shadow of Kogami - v. Kogami and Akane's relationship - vi. Sybil as a character, who also wants character growth - vii. Wrapping up because I spent 2 days writing this non stop

(warning: horrifyingly long text post, Spoilers for all of Psycho pass up to the latest film Providence)

i. Celebrating 10 years anniversary of PP2:

Psycho-pass 2 just has its 10 years anniversary. Happy 10 years for Psycho pass 2.

I watched psycho-pass season 1 while it was airing, it came out when I was in middle school, and I remember catching it right at the All-girl academy arc. When I finished s1 and did not even know that s2 was coming out.

I have been in and out of the fandom for many years and got to hear people relentlessly shit on s2 and talk about how they don't like it. I never really understood it, or I mean I have heard their reasonings, but honestly it truly makes me so frustrated because I think a lot of what I heard can only be boiled down to "I hate women" or "Kogami is not here".

Even when I begrudging sub to r/psychopass, I will always been haunted by random post about how everyone hating on s2, or telling people to skip it.

When I was rewatching all of psycho pass this past months with my friend @h4msanta, and having them watching it for the first time. I was once again remembered why s2 was so important to me.

ii. Ode to Shimotsuki Mika:

I really like Mika, I understand people probably liked her way more in s3 or starting at sinners of the system 1 which I lovingly call the "Mika propaganda".

But I liked her the moment I saw her. I really appreciate her character against Tsunemori Akane. She is so important, to me.

Imagine you are Shimotsuki Mika, you are 16 year old teenage girl. You are very smart but kind of blunt and rude as a person. So while you are great student, you are not really well liked. You have a crush on this other girl who you go to school with, but she is closer to her childhood best friend. You always felt like a third wheel in this friendship. Some other girl who is so much more popular and prettier freaks you out, and now because she talked to one of your friend, that girl disappeared. And you as a teenager felt something very wrong about this, but still told the girl you had a crush on to ask about if she cares about it so much.

You later learn both of them are murdered and displayed in the worst way possible.

The MWPSB, who shows up on scene to arrest who might be the murderer, who you suspect is that art girl who is more popular than you, ultimately failed to arrest or judge her before she escaped. The police who showed up did not solve the case, you cried in the arms of a kind woman who also work with the MWPSB. You don't know this yet, but she is also a latent criminal, the type of people you hate the most. But that doesn't matter to you because you have developed a crush on her.

You are 17 now, and you are the youngest person that have ever join MWPSB. You feel like you need to prove something to everyone, you don't want them to look down on you because you are young. You meet your co worker, you senior, a young woman who is 4 years older than you. Seeing s woman behind her, you remember her from that fateful day in the rain who kindly comforted you. You are told that she is an enforcer, this translated in your brain as a latent criminal. You realized that this was the unit who failed to capture your friend's murderer.

You are 18, and you have been on this job for a year and half now. But somehow people still treat you like you are a baby, you don't understand why your senior who you think is very reckless and unreasonable is liked by everyone. Not only by everyone, but also by the Chief. She seems to be able to do everything you can do better, and seems to go against Sybil's judgement all the time. Who does she think she is, you think to yourself. Worse is that even when you treat her with animosity, she treats you with cool professionalism, never seeming that bothered.

Your senior have always sent two enforcers with you, one who was once an inspector just like you, but why would you listen to him, he lost his job and sequentially lost his right to say anything about anything to you, the other one who you have being harboring a crush on this whole time, even though she is an enforcer, a latent criminal, she has been kind and patient with you, even though she also seems to trust in your senior's judgement. She might also be in a relationship with the analyst, but you choose not to think too hard about it so it won't cloud your hue. You don't understand why your senior is doing any of this.

The first time you are at a scene before her, you are unsure if you should go into the building to intervene, you stand there hesitating, you know there is a senior inspector already in the building. She has been on this job for 10 years now, how would she not know the protocols. And while you stand there with the two enforcers, this time without the pesky guy who used to be an inspector who give you words of advice you don't want to hear about, not knowing what to do, waiting for something to happen.

The Unit 2 people shows up on scene, they tell you they have taken over by the orders of the Chief. Once again you have been undermined, but none of that matter. Because swiftly after, the metal curtains rises and unit 2 points their Dominators at every person who ran out of the building clothed nothing beside their underwear, and judged all of them to be unfit to a part of Sybil's society. Your senior shows up on scene and screams at all of them. But you don't even know you heard that, you were too busy staring at all of the blood at your feet, these used to belong to the hostages.

You soon learned that the Senior who worked as an inspector for 10 years, was the first to be eliminated in the building, she was now also just another puddle of blood.

You learned that there is something very suspicious about one of the enforcers you work with, and how he has an odd obsession with your senior. You take the time while they are off on a case to research and even go to his quarters to do some sleuthing. You find out that is he is a massive stalker, have been taking pictures of her and analyzing it. You don't really know what you were going to do with this information. But you ended up finding more and more about this guy, so you go on and put all of this into a report to give your chief in lieu of explaining why you think your senior is not fit for the job.

What you did not realized that you got more than you bargained for, you have now learned the TRUTH of this world, the real face of Sybil. And you cannot turn back, and now "they", "they" want to ruin you.

Your senior continuously works with this guy who is monster under human clothing, unbeknownst to you, he designed himself to remind her of someone, the perfect kind of uncanny valley. He asks you to figure out where your senior's grandmother resides, and you are scared, and you are just 18, a man is looming over you, exerting power and unspoken violence at you, and part of you still think you want to hit where it hurts at your senior.

Very soon, your senior will have a melt down while confronted by a severed ear of her grandma. If any hope of having her grandmother coming back alive was dashed, when you were sent the brutal images of an old woman beaten to death, helpfully having her smiling face on the side as an addition to identify the bloody mess. Some part of you know that "they" probably sent this image to your senior as well.

In the mess of the moment, you slip away and find the man who has been threatening you bleeding on the verge of dying, you think maybe all you have to do is judge him. His hue is dark as soot, Sybil will judge him and all you need is pull the trigger. But his consciousness slips away before you make up your mind to shoot him, your Dominator returns to it dormant state. Your time has passed.

You declare that you will forget all of this. That you believe in Sybil, and that also means you believe in "them".

The female enforcer you relied on this whole time tells you that the person who leaked the information about your senior's grandmother was indeed that man, but she suspect there must be someone else who told that to him first. She says to you "whoever that person is, I'll never forgive them." In that moment, she seems cold, she looks at you pointily and you reply "same here". Your crush with her probably died in this moment.

You don't know this yet, but you probably never will forgive yourself.

In the coming years, you will grow to have a better relationship with your senior. You will call her your senior not with annoyance but because you grew to respect her and like her. And she will call you Mika-chan as token of affection she has for you. You will grow to rely on her, and she sees you as a trustworthy partner. Even if you don't see eye to eye on everything, you learn to work well with her, and with the rest of your team, forming real friendships with other enforcers, seeing them not just as a number, their crime coefficients, but as real human people. Something that took you a long time to learn.

Now you are the chief inspector, an amazing position to have at your young age. You have to take care of some hot headed rookies after your "senpai" entrusted Unit 1 to you. They are annoying, and reckless, and even more unreasonable. When they tell you about how they are doing all of this because they are detectives after all. You suddenly think about your unit 1.

(Psycho-pass 3 chapter 3 page 20)

You mutter annoyingly, you have to left these dumb kids go do their stupid justice.

You are the same age as the rooky pair. You are 24 years old, you have been on this job for 7 years now.

iii. Women's justice

I spend a lot of time thinking about the conversation Shion and Yayoi has at the end of s1. Yayoi notes that "all of the old fashion men are gone from the job", saying that they are "not suited", while Shion think it would be kinder to call them "romantics".

I did not even think about how crazy this is until recently, but during the 2 months where Gino went to a medical center and before he was reassigned back to unit 1 as an enforcer. There are only two people at the office of unit 1, Akane and Yayoi. How horrifying lonely and isolating that must be. Having to lose everyone in such a short amount of time, when does grieving for one starts and the grieving for the other ends.

Season 2 is a lot to me about where men and their understanding of justice led them, and fall out of that looks like. In s2, we focus on Akane's understanding of justice which stems from her faith in people and approaches to reasonings which heavily influenced by Kogami. We also have Mika who is more like Gino in s1, or even earlier in his career, a person who deeply believes that she is doing the right and just thing while missing the mark over and over again. And then we also have Aoyanagi who has been an inspector for 10 years, and felt that she kind of lost her way after killing her trusted enforcer that she knew for a long time. I adore all of them, and how their way of interacting with justice and crime is very different to first season.

I was honestly super happy to see Aoyanagi in Sinner of the System 2, seeing her being vibrant, caring and also forward thinking, getting to work together with Masaoka. It made me wish she will eventually get a prequel novel (that I will have to spend 2 week trying to find a way to read it).

This is me not saying "men are from Mars, women are from Venus", I thinks what I am trying to explain is more nuanced than just "men and women are the same" or saying "men and women are different". And I think Psycho pass is also trying to saying something here about gender. (All my favorite works are somehow about gender.)

I quite like characters like Mika, she is so righteous in what she believes in a worthy cause, the upholding of Sybil. She so firmly believes it, while her own pettiness and pride chides her into doing things that ruins her. I supports women's wrong, and sometimes women's wrong looks like a 18 year old girl fucking up her own and other people's life because she is too petty and too set in her own ways.

But I also think it is quite nice that we get to see her gradual growth through out sinner of the system and s3 and then her moment in providence, which made me and my friend actually cheer when we saw it. That Mika would go and beg Sybil to go help Akane, because Akane is too valuable. Mika is stubborn and petty and prideful, but she can grow to be loved by others, and by that she can also grow to love herself.

iv. Why both Togane and Kamui combine to make the shadow of Kogami

Togane as a character fascinates me so much. He was basically "genetically engineered " (not literally), I guess in this case, "emotionally engineered" to break through Akane's guard. He choose to smoke the same braid of cigarettes as Kogami, he stands near her to affirm her decisions, he talks in a way that made Akane think she is talking Kogami, quite literally overlapping Kogami's image over Togane's.

And he was able to achieve all of this by how you ask.

By rigorously stalking her, documenting her hue everyday, analyzing her facial expression. This chills me to no end. Stalking is not uniquely a crime that effects women, and any sources I could possible cite is probably woefully under reported. But I have heard many people told me that s2 is boring or low stakes or that one of my personal "favorite" was calling "kamui too feminine as a villian", which was a opinion I read on r/psychopass (why am I still in that sub reddit baffles even me) that now just lives rent free in my brain like some kind of horrible worm that won't leave.

I find Togane to be very unsettling, he feels so awfully predatorial, this can also be demonstrated in his interactions with Mika once he shows his true color to her. I think seeing Mika freak out and crying on the desk while he pushes her head down, never not given me fight or flight responses.

Kamui, on the other hand, is so soft. He is very polite. I guess I also learn that "narcissist" and his favorite item is "a mirror" in wiki. I don't know where they got that, and who is manning the psycho pass wiki, please put your sources in. Is it from the s2 profiling book? And also because it is not very complete, half of the pages don't even mention providence (which was a blessing for me for the longest time), and not to speak about the tvtropes page for psycho pass, which is riddled with how s2 is bad. Saying it like it a fact or something.

Kamui is so interesting, because he seems like he genuinely cares for each and every part of the people in his plan. Not saying that he is not ready to sacrifice them for the greater cause, but it also seemed like he felt bad for each of the people he lost on his way to confront Sybil. He shed tears for them, and seems like he remembers their name, their past, and their ambitions. This is why I was quite annoyed when I found out that somehow he was also a "narcissist" or something. Because I really liked the idea that Kamui was also suppose to be juxtaposition to Makashima in s1, who is very individualistic. But also that Kamui was also supposed to be Akane's foil. He believes everyone can be saved, by him.

I read this on Pixiv while reading a fic about Akane and Mika, that assessed, paraphrased by me "Mika hates criminals, but Akane hates crimes itself, to the point she wants to save criminals from crime."

Kamui felt like he was able to save people from Sybil. While being admired by the people he were able to save. Kamui still felt very alone being a collective, not being recognized by Sybil, let's say he is seeking recognized from the proverbial mother. The two kinds of fear of being "the horrifying ordeal of being known" vs "not being known". And this case Kamui wished to be seen.

Sybil as the proverbial mother. In a way mirroring Togane's complex about his mother, and his devotion to Sybil.

Kamui says in the first episode of s2 about thinking Akane would understand him, that the guy who just exploded, not by Akane's hand by the way, is very interesting. This is further expanded on in the manga, where in the later part of s1 Gino talks to his therapist, who we now know was just Kamui in holo, and Gino tells him that he doesn't want to stop working yet, even if it leads to him having worsen hues. And it is thanks to watching Akane's work in the field giving him a sense of hope. That hope is also what pushes Kamui to go on and commit the action of s2.

In the tunnels, Akane walk through them alone. Kamui is holding many hostages underground as his final plan of s2 to DDos the system, and she was told to go detonate the bomb that will bury them all by Sybil. She made up her mind to do something different, this new found courage and determination given to her by imagining Kogami by her side.

She will let Kamui judge Sybil and so Sybil can judge him.

In the dark she encounters Kogane, who tell her that supported her, and telling her that he would go kill Kamui, that "Enforcer Kogami would've done the same". These were words that designed to get her. There is something really awful about Kogane, like inspirational murderer who wants to set people free or war hungry mercenary dictating the causality of peace, these are all very horrible and scary. But Togami feels very personal, slimy, all this is to groom her to be in the perfect corner for him to corrupt her.

After Kamui and Akane face the Sybil system. Togane comes in and is ready to execute Kamui, and Akane runs in to stop him. Togane has already seen his mother's brain scattered on the ground before he came in, he has nothing to lose. He proudly tells Akane that he was the one who brutally beat Akane's grandmother to death. Akane's psycho pass spike up to 87.9, which is the highest we ever saw her.

Kamui reassures Akane that "the spirit of the law" that she so deeply believes in, "if that can become the scales of justices that weigh all society equally". With real law like that, can make even Sybil a real god someday. This steels Akane, and her number drops to 48.5. Kamui pushes Akane away, and both Togane and Kamui shoot each other.

And in the most insane decision s2 production could have done. After Akane who spends the better half of s2 chasing Kogami's shadow by lighting up his cigarettes, hallucinating him encouraging her, and at her worst by overlapping Togane's words and image with Kogami's voice. The s2 production team made that, the moment when Kamui gets shot and turns to her, visually mirror Kogami getting shot by Akane in s1 episode 1.

That mirroring shot composition will haunt me forever I guess.

In every corner, Akane will see Kogami, whether if she tries to look for him or not. And that is how both Kamui and Kogane makes a Kogami.

v. Kogami and Akane's relationship

I feel like I need to explain my thoughts on this, before I go and excitably draw my 7 days of Shinkane week, which will probably be an art piece that I am mildly happy with, accompanied by like a dissertation paper on my feelings about them in every "era" of their interactions.

I am a shinkane shipper don't get me wrong, but I am also of the firm belief that Akane also isn't romantically interested in Kogami in the s1. This is quite important to me, even when I was a teenager watching the show. Akane seems to not be bothered when she is teased by Kagari for liking Kogami, when she blushes about going on a date, she is actually blushing at the concept of learning profiling, and not an outing with Kogami.

I found Akane incredibly admirable steadfast in her belief of justice and law. It was very important to me that the s1 anime did not make her seem like a blushing school girl who clung to Kogami's every word because she liked him romantically. She listened and challenged him, even going to wager her worth to safely retrieve him with Sybil. Because she saw Kogami to be her partner, her mentor, a person who she trusted and admired.

This is probably more of me speculating on "vibes" alone, but on the other hand, I believe that Kogami might have caught feeling for Akane at a certain point in the middle of s1. This is just me, but also Kogami cannot be more happy to see Akane in every scene in the 2015 movie. That is a guy who is very happy to see Akane, even when he is told this is supposed to be their execution ground.

Akane develops her habit on relying on Kogami's cigarette smoke, I think this is more for comfort, and maybe closer to infatuation than love, or maybe it is faith.

And then 2015 movie they just had to have the most tension ever, horrifying amount of chemistry, and then it is all over I guess. Akane, kogami, they were all cooked. after that, every time they are on scene I am biting the corners of my television, grrr bark hisiss. And every time Kogami mention Akane he looks so soft, what is wrong with him, big wet cat ugghhdhdheeeeshh why didn't you just say sorry when you had the opportunity too, gasrrrrrr.

Oh yeah, I was trying to explain why this all matters. So having Akane wanting to rely on Kogami is what made her looks vulnerable and exploitable in the eyes of Togane.

Which is why I think it is quite funny and important that Akane learns kind of the wrong-ish right-ish lesson by the end of s2. Saiga tells her that he is going to put himself back in the cage, despite of the fact that his hue has been improving, and he tells her "being dependent doesn't quite suit me".

This later part is not in the anime version, but in the end of the manga, (in this case because psycho pass is an anime original, I use manga as a supplementary material) she looks at the cigarette and notes that she is okay and that she is now a full-fledged detective.

(Psycho-pass 2 chapter 26 page 25)

And the last line she says in the manga mirrors the line that Saiga says, she puts out cigarette and says " after all being dependent doesn't quite suit me". (I did not include the page after since it is translated as "since depending on does not mean to agree on". my translation is from comparing the Japanese scan and comparing it to the Chinese one.)

I think this is a quite important moment for her since Akane spends a lot of her time feeling like she is playing catch up with Kogami. This also doesn't mean that she doesn't still want to reach out to Kogami when she is given the chance to. She doesn't stop lighting cigarettes even in 2015 movie and she goes all the way to SEAUn to go find him.

Akane I think understood that she needed to stop relying on ghost in her mind, and maybe when the next time she see Kogami she wants to be treated more as an equal (emotionally). Which is why the phone call scene in Providence makes me go feral.

vi. Sybil as a character, who also wants character growth

People who are not happy with s2 and called the ending unsatisfying, probably had a different idea of what they wanted the show to be.

In a story like psycho pass, one who watch the first season would easily describes it as the "dystopian sci-fi thriller" it is. But honestly by the 2015 movie, can you really call the world of psycho-pass a dystopia? I have never read a piece of work where lots and lots of character agrees and knows there is something very wrong with the world. But instead of choosing to tear it all down, they are attempting to systematically incrementally changes it from within. A lot of people out there might not think it is that sexy, but I think reform is really cool and based. And as we live in our own dystopian world, that is how the real work enact changes as well, I actually really appreciate how Psycho pass takes it time.

Of course, by the point when season 2 come up, people don't know that yet.

In s2 Sybil is also an active player in the world. Sybil can be cunning, actively pitting Mika against Akane, and watch them run around like funny little lab rats. They are afraid to be shaken and challenged, they don't want to hold up a mirror. They are curious, they also want to be accepted. They can also experience fear. All of this makes for great conflicts in s2. And Akane for one, is interested in having Sybil improve with time or to be threaten to be left behind.

Kamui wants to have a honest conversation with Sybil, and Akane leads him to it. Kamui is recognized by Sybil for the first time, now Sybil can also "see" themselves now. Akane points the Dominator at him, and Kamui asks her that why doesn't she point the Dominator at Sybil.

"The one who's holding the Dominator becomes a part of it" Kamui tells her, "when a true judge appears someday, no matter how many brains it removes, it Crime Coefficient may remain high."

"it is possible that this judge might be, the person standing in front of me right now". I have to say this whole conversation is probably really ringing crazy bells in my head because I just watched Providence for the first time not too long ago. (I am not okay, I am ill, god it was everything I need, I need to go cry and vomit in the bathroom now)

There are two parts of it. In s3 Arata talks about the reason why he like Dominators is because it has a trigger, and that he can choose to shoot or not. This is a huge part of Akane's belief as well, very evident in the episode 1 of s2, where she wait to shoot the guy on the edge of 299 to 300.

I have always liked the conversation in s1 where Kasei talks to Gino about the trusting the system. The idea is not that Sybil system is perfect, but instead human belief makes it perfect. The efforts of the people, the faith they have in this system, that is what make the system run smoothly.

And having people like Akane and Arata, and all of the other people they influenced, who actively challenge the System's judgment, they had made the system better. This is what "the one who's holding the Dominator becomes a part of it" means to me.

The second part of this conversation is about judgement to Sybil. This is something that is again echoed in Providence, Akane lets Sybil absorbs General, Tonami in anger shoots her and declares that what she is trying to do is killing god, "you are the witch who bring disaster to society."

And then Akane went and killed god in the end of Providence, and both my friend and I just had to pause the movie, and scream into a pillow for 10 minutes.

Akane believes her action would be helpful for improvement of both Sybil and law. This is such a fascinating concept. And I really cannot wait to see if they will explore this idea further in s4.

Sybil is still evolving, and one day they will stand judgement before the people.

vii. Wrapping up because I spent 2 days writing this non stop

There are still so much I want to write about in s2, about how Gino is so funny in season 2 and how I love him. And how much I love Sho as an adorable fluff ball. Yayoi and Shion going strong. And also SAIGA!

There are so much I can say about the whole s2 that really makes me want to scream from the roof top. Long long ago when I imagined myself writing this *look at word count and sweat* normal looking tumblr post. (pending 5.2k ish) I thought about naming it something like "In Defense of Psycho pass 2", but honestly speaking s2 is amazing, it speaks for itself.

This ended up being half me talking about s2 and half me just needing to word vomit about Providence that permanently bricked my brain.

One day I will write the post about Providence ending mirrors, s1 ending and that is going to kill me.

If you read to the end, thank you! Looking forward to more unhinged post from me? With better art hopefully.

[floralhuqzz]

Apology.. (Johnnie Guilbert x fem reader)

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

warnings: a bit angst

🦇author : I apologize if theres any misspelled words, english is not my first language:)

♱

“Im just tired you know?..” ive been on the phone with my best friend for hours now.

“you just gotta tell him how you really feel y/n,, you can just be ignoring what he does to you and not tell him that its affecting you.” she was right. This past month Johnnie has been almost completely ignoring me, always coming home late, and barely spending time with me… At first i thought I was the problem but what could ive possibly done wrong? Ive been nothing but worried about him, but he keeps refusing to talk to me.

“I just…I just dont get it.” i looked sad, and how couldn’t i? i WAS sad,, Ive been dating Johnnie for 2 years now and he is acting like a total stranger.

“if something happens you know you can always stay at my place y/n” she kindly smiles

“i know… thank you so much… you’re re the best” i smile back

I hear the front door open, “it must be Johnnie” i thought to myself

“Johnnie’s here ive gotta go i love you” i whisper

“ok good luck honey” she smiles as she hangs up

I stand up from my bed and walk out of mine and johnnies shared bedroom..

“Hey babe” he says as he walks towards me to give me a kiss

“hey” i kiss him back and as i was about to walk away he takes me by my arm

“hey whats wrong?” he looks at me confused but i could still feel the worry in his eyes

“what do you mean? im good.” i look at him

“you dont look good to me, just tell me whats the problem” he sounded a bit angry now

“whats wrong with ME?” i point my finger to my chest. “Johnnie whats wrong with YOU” i point at him

“What are y-“ i didn’t let him finish his sentence

“You have been acting weird for this past 1 month Johnnie, why? did i do something? tell me Johnnie.. Ive been nothing but kind to you and worried and thats how you pay me back, for gods sake im the only one communicating in this relationship”… I continue now starting to tear up “You have been ignoring me for this past month… We have been together for 2 years Johnnie… Why are you treating me like this? What the fuck did i do to you to deserve this?…” i wipe my tears “i dont deserve this…”

Johnnie stood there without saying a word, he looked sad, did he feel bad?

“Im….im sorry..” he starts walking towards me

“thats the only thing youre gonna say? youre not even going to give me a proper explanation?..” i looked pissed

“Ive been a complete fucking dick head… I shouldn’t have pushed you away..” he puts his hand on my cheek “I thought you were going to leave me..thats why i distanced myself..”

“why?…”

“i kept overthinking it.. i thought you deserved someone better than me and i freaked out and…completely fucked it all up..im so sorry y/n im… im a fucking idiot,, i wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave me i-“ i cut him off

“i dont want..to leave you..” it broke my heart he thought i wanted to leave him..how could i? he is the most important person in my life

he looks at me like he wants to cry too

“you dont deserve me…” he tears up

“johnnie dont say that…we will get through this,, okay? but only if theres communication babe… relationships cant work without communication” i get close to him as he nods

“youre right… im sorry..” he hugs me tight

“i love you so much “ i say as i began to tear up again, he takes my face with both of his hands and wipes my tears “i love you more…and again im so sorry ill make it up to you..” he kisses my forehead as i smile.

“wanna go out? go eat?” he asks me “can we just stay here and watch a movie?”i say as i look at him “of course princess, anything that you want” he kisses me.

Finally, it was all over, all those past days in pain,, they’re gone. It almost feels like i can finally breathe now…Me and Johnnie spent the night watching movies and cooking together, catching up since we barely spoke those past few days, it felt good, it felt right…

.

.

.

.

me right now after finishing this fanfic at 3 AM:

[oswlld]

Eight (8) Shows to Get to Know Me

tagged by @talays-portkey ♥ ty for tagging me and having me walk down memory lane for the past few days (spent too much time in all the tags microdosing on my upbringing)

DISCLAIMER: i wanted to showcase defining eras in my life/made an impact in a substantial way; i’m also recommending an ep to watch with each one, which isn’t part of the tag format but imma do it

--

i. LOST (2004-2010)

this was my whole world for my entire hs existence and into my early college years. half of the shows listed here stems from my first love of the ensemble cast, their interwoven yet clandestine storylines, and the mystery box. at my first sdcc, half of the cast was present when they debuted p1 of the series finale (you’d think i was dead the whole time fksfsk;lv)

the jessi special: The Constant (04x05)

ii. Fringe (2008-2013)

yes, i faithfully followed jj abrams into another insane show. i think it actually altered my brain chemistry, rewired something in me, devoured a piece of me. once LOST was over and Fringe brought in the alternate universe, i dove in head first and never resurfaced

the jessi special: Making Angels (04x11)

iii. Doctor Who (2005-Present)

i think it was technically winter 2010 when i started binging this show because s6 was my first time catching it live (was young and naïve, i caught it on bbca lol) ive been on hellsite for almost two years at the time and fully became a fandom blog, so it was inevitable i would love this series. i think it was the first show i made gifs/edits for???

the jessi special: The Doctor’s Wife (06x04)

iv. Lizzie Bennet Diaries (2012-2013)

oh look, my dna makeup shifts again. i actually started watching this show the week leading up to Darcy Day and can still vividly remember the migraines from binging 8-10min eps times 60ish worth of content. this show got me into writing my first fic, running an rp blog, creating instrumental playlists, making a DWxLBD blog, AND eventually flying my ass back to CA to meet the cast and beloved mutuals at VidCon

the jessi special: A New Buddy (ep56)

v. Orphan Black (2013-2017)

happy international women’s day to this show and this show only! i think of all the shows listed here, this is the first time since LOST i caught all the eps in real time from the very beginning. this was filling the hole Fringe was about to carve deep in me. but if you cut me open, you will find the beth-shaped hole that nothing/no one has been able to fill and likely will never fill til the end of time

the jessi special: The Collapse of Nature (04x01)

vi. Shadowhunters (2016-2019)

im willing to admit that the reason i got into this show was because of the wedding kiss haha i saw the clip, signed the adoption papers on the spot, and went on to write a 100K+ wip series. admittedly, i confess that this was a DNF and never finished the last season... i abandoned my boy.gif

the jessi special: Of Men and Angels (01x06)

vii. Sense8 (2015-2018)

a show about eight children than i gave birth to, that i raised on my own, that i will defend on my death bed and beyond??? that show sense8?? yes that show sense8. fun fact, when they did the screening of the finale in Chicago, the cast ended up sitting three rows behind me in the theater and i could hear them talking in between scenes the entire evening. wish i could bottle that feeling up

the jessi special: I Have No Room in My Heart for Hate (02x07)

viii. Bad Buddy (2021-2022)

and we finally made it to the current decade! its nov 2021, im fresh off leaving my previous job and still getting situated in my new position, yet this show was a siren calling to me in the dark mist of my life. i ended up saving the binge watching for the week of my bday and my whole life shifted again. it must have been so alarming on the outside, seeing me go from making 1-2 edits a month to 1-2 edits a day for almost THREE MONTHS. the fact that i still cont to avg two edits/week since then... oy lol

the jessi special: Ep10 (shocked pikachu.jpg)

and ill also throw some honorable mentions too: Chuck, The Good Place, Vice Versa, Twenty Five Twenty One, Once Upon a Time, and Elementary

--

now tagging @pranink, @icouldhyperfixatehim, @noxclara, @curious-earth (no pressure tho!)

[blissfullybloomed]

Letting Go

October 2024, Ohio - The leaves are in peak season. In case you haven't been outside in a minute. 

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening, whatever time you seem to find yourself reading this blog. 

I haven't written in a while here, life has been lifing. 

If you’re just tuning in…lol, I watch too many Youtube Videos with my boyfriend, you'll love to know that this blog is about my journey, your journey, our journey together but separate through this little game they call life. 

I think my last blog entry was almost a year ago, December 2023. 

2023 was wild, and the previous 5 years were wilder…(hmm, is that a word)

It's funny, I keep saying that 2023 was the year I transformed into some sort of “better” being…but man, I feel like I could say that about 2024 as well. I think that's a lesson I had to learn quite recently actually…being better has no end date. We constantly strive to be better, even on the less productive days…we're still learning(being still isn't our strong suit). Did you catch that? Being better or improving has no end date…nada. The only way it does have an end date is when we stop trying to be better. We all know what happens when we stop trying. It's not a good look. Temporary pleasure for long term pain….Ehh, I'd rather not. So…we take a real deep breathe and blow it out, maybe take another one…and take a step forward. 

Okay, enough preaching…lets chat about so many things…you know I like to talk. 

First topic, lets talk about letting go. I'm pretty sure Ive spoke about letting go before, but I know I havent talked about it in this light. So buckle up…its going to be bumpy. 

We, as humans, are social creatures. Some of us are on different levels than others, but inadvertently we are all social to some extent. Example: Gaming Online with friends(introverted activity/social concept). Another example: The obvious social butterfly who goes home alone. We all have different versions of what social looks like. 

I almost forgot where I was going with that, but here it is…our social interactions are NEEDED to let go. We have to do something different to let go. We have to put ourselves outside of ourselves to let go. 

It doesn't matter what or who it is that you are trying to let go. You can't negate your human nature. It's impossible. No one can sit in a room by themselves for an extended amount of time, and not go insane from lack of socializing. It doesn't even have to be vocal …just another person's presence brings your serotonin up. 

Being social is in our roots as a species. So with that in mind, I want you to ask yourself this question: “ How can socializing help me move past Xcompany, Xspouse, Xhouse…etc.” Well youd get a job, you might meet someone new, and your house may get an upgrade….BUT, all of those things require you to let go of what or who once was. 

You get the point. 

Here's my “bloomed” story. The short one. 

I have faced 2 big hurdles in my healing journey. 

I have reconnected with my mother, we spent a week together, and were cool. As you know, that's huge for both of us. Wild ride getting there…like years long….but we did it, and I think we're in it for the long haul. Weve both done different things that we had never done to make sure our relationship stayed in tact. Even when we both wanted to walk away. I think the biggest thing that really showed me that she wasnt full of shit was the fact that her actions were bigger and louder than her words. She helped a friend of a family member that I NEVER thought she wouldve done….thats dope. She flew back for my birthday with like 3 days notice(I have a flair for the dramatics)...that was dope. She met Zach, and slept on our couch! YEAH! That right there gave me hellllllllla anxiety…but it was dope too. 

So, in all seriousness, momma…I love ya. Life is hard, but without you it would be so much harder. I mean that. 

Second thing, It took almost three years…but I went back to Myrtle Beach. Yeah thats different. So many reasons that y'all already know of why I couldn't go there…I just needed more time or something. OR so I thought.  

Listen, the drive was about 10/11 hours, but my favorite part was the last hour. I drove through a city I hadn't seen in over 5 years, and the funniest part….when I saw it…I just started laughing. 

I couldnt tell if it was my anxiety making me laugh or the fact that I was a better human fucking being entering this city now 5 years later. I think it was a combo of both honestly. I cant begin to describe what that felt like…I'm trying... .I can't find the words. Speechless. Hmm, maybe profound is a word that could describe it. 

Anyway, I knew at that very moment that I could do this trip with no problems at all. I forgot how much I loved the south. All of it, even the heat…to a point. 

What a relief. I let go. I had let go before I even knew I had let go, because I refused to test myself . I was so scared of things I had built up in my mind that would definitely , not probably, happen. I knew I'd run into my ex husband somewhere, in a town full of tourists, and millions of people…that was an irrational thought that dictated a decision I made. I knew, without a doubt, that I would remember the pain of losing my sister as soon as I entered South Carolina. That didn't happen either. I saw shiny roads, pine trees, and the ocean….as she got to experience those things too. Mom was so good at making sure she was included. 

Irrational thoughts and manic actions had in one way form or another prevented me from letting go. Letting go of the what if’s, and just being present. Remembering that I had loved the ocean before I got married or divorced. South Carolina wasn't a failure…it made me grow. I literally wouldn't be who I am today….without South Carolina. So my mom inadvertently helped me discover one of the biggest hurdles I've dealt with since my divorce.  Kinda dope she did that too. 

HA! I said it was short, I lied. My bad. 

Alright, what else is there to update? Zach and I are doing great. I could probably write a whole page about that man…but I won't embarrass him like that. Just know, he is still IT. I knew it the moment we met. Funny…I can't remember what I ate for dinner last night, but I can remember what we both were wearing the day we met over a year ago. Damn, I love this man. 

We've taken some trips recently that were pretty dope. We do so much together…I'm truly happy about that, as we've both said work gets in the way of hanging out. Das love right there. Like actual love. The kind where you both put effort in to make it work. I feel we are extremely lucky , we understand each other in a way no one has ever understood me ... .sorry family…but not even you guys. He just gets it. All of it. I get him too. Our lives intertwined at the perfect moment for both of us. We needed each other, and still need each other. 

Okay, okay…Ill stop gushing. I tend to do that often. 

Moving forward…the thing I want you to take away from all of this- learn to let go better. Learn to let go permanently. Do it for yourself. Think of all the time you're wasting not doing something different to overcome whatever IT is. Be selfish. Choose YOU. You're the only one that can do the work …and honey, its work. Every day. Every decision. Damn near every thought has to be pushing you towards your goal of letting go. 

I want to end with this poem by Stefanie Briar, “ Surrender” 

One of the hardest lessons

Is learning the difference 

Between when to hold on

And when to let go. 

At some point, 

We have to trust

That souls know their way home. 

What is meant for you will find you ….

And stay. 

I think that sums up pretty well how to view letting go. This was good today. I appreciate you taking the time to read…and hopefully youll think of something you can just let go.

[celestialpotat0]

'Cause baby, you're a fiiiiiiiirewooork

i spent the end of winter through the fourth of july being too busy to jot down anything; it whirred by and now we're in the heart of summer again. i romanticize summer so much but i guess it's one of the few things i get very excited about anymore these days so i guess i should embrace my hype rather than subdue it.

i worked 2:30-11pm on the fourth of july. i was able to take a break at about 10pm, when i went out to the balcony patio on the top floor of the hospital and watched fireworks from various different cities in the distance.

when i arrived to the patio i found jamil already there; he said if you close your eyes it sounds like you're in a war zone. the fireworks were audible but not loud, given how far away they were from us.

standing there at the hospital watching fireworks for about 10 minutes before i had to reluctantly return to work, i found myself pulled toward both ends of a glass half full vs empty analysis. at work i was busy and neutral, had been preoccupied and had forgotten, or at least not at the forefront of my mind, what i was missing out on.

half full: i was working a shift where i luckily had the freedom to take my break at that time where i could still catch the end of firework shows if i was lucky, so i felt grateful and happy when i took my break and ran to the top floor and saw fireworks still going on outside. had i been scheduled any other of the evening shifts, i wouldn't have been able to take that break time.

half empty: when i stood out there and i kept looking at my phone time to keep track of the minutes i had left before getting back to work, i couldnt help but feel disappointed that i was stuck at work afternoon and all evening on my favorite holiday. i wanted to be sitting in the cool evening air directly underneath the fireworks show, like all of those years of tradition.

i oscillated between these two feelings, but was ultimately grateful and thought it couldve been worse, i couldve not had a break at all.

in the past year ive really felt the duality of so many aspects of my life. four new friends i made moved back to their home country this past month. it's of course sad because what used to be seeing them regularly this past year has now become the reality of seeing them probably only a handful of random occasions throughout the next many years. but i also think back to the circumstances of how we met and how easily we might have not become friends, had we chosen to ignore each other instead of chat with each other. my sadness exists now only because of the good that was created from befriending them and fortuitous circumstances.

i am done with residency with no kids in the near future, so i should be embracing this time with the most freedom, yet ironically i feel busier than ever. of course, im not as busy as during residency, but now i replace this free time with the obligation to cook (like when i have a day off i feel like i should meal prep for the next week of work)/meet up with friends long overdue every time/address finances, work emails and competencies, write thank yous, respond to texts, and the endless tasks on my to do list/organize my apartment/etc. and i guess all the different obligations from all directions makes me feel busy. you make more work for yourself because you no longer have residency or school to focus on, and suddenly the other things seem pressing or like important tasks youre supposed to do. the more free time you have, the more you feel you oughta be filling that time with productive tasks.

the duality of feeling like writing my memories down in here is helping vs hurting my happiness. is writing this a waste of time in the sense that i could instead spend my precious time being productive and maybe ill be happier if i chip away at emails and organize my apartment to be closer to that long-awaited marvelous day when ill be at inbox 0 and finally have my apartment unpacked properly. so what if i never jot down any reflection; if so many other people don't journal and are perfectly content with that, maybe i should just forgo this too. how much do i really have to gain by writing in here?

i want to jot down my reflection of the past few months on my strongest paddleboarding in austin, really appreciating the time i had with amazing company in austin, the life-changing kaiseki in japan, learning that choosing giant sequoias is always the right choice, icy trails in yosemite, my conversations with locals in japan, tidepooling on a day when the clouds cleared away to become sunny, hiking amongst redwoods with a friend, upholding my tradition of jumping into the river again this year. but at the same time i feel anxiety about what if it's pointless. what if im spending my precious time on NOT doing errands and writing in here but it will actually yield a net negative impact on my happiness, because this is not productive.

nobody cares, and an important lesson i have to learn is being okay with this. it could be worse :)

[leoxxii]

buddy, you just need to find home

and i think maybe

you just miss your mom

i miss my mom

//

so that new cavetown song huh! sure did hit close to home! sure did cause some bottled up memories to resurface! sure did kill me in one listen!

[husbandohunter]

Stardew Impact [Stardew Valley+Genshin Impact x Reader]

Part 2/3 Zhongli, Xiao

Synopsis: “A mysterious phenomenon brought you and your s/o to an unfamiliar world: Pelican Town! Without the power of Visions, the two of you begin to learn the life of what it takes to be...a farmer?”

(DOMESTIC FARM LIFE ROUND TWO)

Genre: Fluff

Others

Diluc and Kaeya

Albedo and Childe

(A/n): This was meant to be part 3 but I couldn't wait to write xiao. Plus Ive been writing Albedo for almost the whole month already Word count_2.6k

-------

Xiao

• Thrown in an unfamiliar environment puts Xiao on high alert. Instincts kick in and his hand subconciously grabs for his spear. Nothing. Not even his vision activated. Xiao's gaze darts all over before landing on your figure. He sighs in relief, you're safe, that much he can decipher as of now.

• Stripped of his power, left with only claws and teeth (if must) to protect you from any dangers, he was ansty with every little thing. 

• The villagers are so nice??? For what reason must they have to act so friendly to strangers (Xiao wonders). The Mayor even granted you two a vast farmland free of charge. 

• Shortly he realized he no longer had his karmaic debt. Xiao wasn't sure how to live his life in this state. He dedicated his entire existence to years of slaughter and suffering that it became the only thing he knew. He won't admit it of course, he'll just throw in scoffs and remarks about how mundane activities are a waste of time when in reality, he just has no clue on how to handle them.

• Thats why the first day was difficult as you both try to figure out how to plant parnsips. Deciding it was better to go with an experiment, you split the share of seeds in half and used what basic knowledge you had on farming to finish the job. Xiao on the other hand tried copying what you did….though the outcome wasn't so desirable it was a mess. (His trained hands have taught him to be on the rough side).

• He doesn't bother socializing with the townspeople even though he has no karmaic debt to worry about. Xiao thinks you're more than enough anyways so what's the point? 

• Robin is the only person who can tolerate him for obvious reasons (cough Sebastian cough) she knows exactly how to deal with his personality type. His glares don't faze her, she simply thinks its just a teenage phase of some sort. 

• Eventually they become mutuals, Xiao thinks Robin is similar to Verr Goldet in a way. Since he's the one who does the heavy labour of chopping down trees and mining stones for building upgrades, he gets a chance to visit her house quite often. He comes back with lots of recipes too.

• You find out that his adepti blood never left him. Xiao doesn't need sleep so you better believe it when he tells you the next morning that he spent the whole night watering all 300 of your crops (watering is the only process he's good at for farming). 

• Sometimes you catch him staring out of the window, wondering what he may be thinking. Life was so much more different, almost hard to recognize. Was this real? Is it okay for it to be real, just this once? Ever since he committed his duty to Morax, Xiao didn't dream of a time when everything would be peaceful. Yet here he is, no longer a weapon but on a journey to find out what it's like to live as a normal person. 

• Spring: Every morning you find him kneeling behind the cabin with the pet cat (yes, cats seem to suit Xiao very much). He just stares at them, hesitant if he wanted to pet their fur or rub their chin. So he continues to glare intensely, scaring your cat away :(

• Whenever you wanted to attend any of the town's festivities, Xiao wouldn't even hide his distastefulness but goes with you regardless. Why do mortals consider hiding eggs and finding them a fun activity? And what kind of a name is Flower Dance? Can't they just call it a dance?

• Though…he does like the sight of you wearing a flower crown. Xiao likes putting stuff in your hair.

Since setting foot upon this new world, time seemed to have slowed down to the point that almost everything felt like an eternity. And you didn't mind, with him by your side, you wouldn't mind if it did last forever.

The lull of the grass was the only sound Xiao could hear as he closed his eyes and rested his head on your lap. You maneuvered across his scalp in small, subtle motions, surprised with how warm he felt against the heat your palm. He stirs a little and lets out a soft breath before turning his face to lay on the side.

You were slightly intrigued by the yaksha's new demeanor. From far away, Xiao was an intimidating man, even during the first time you laid eyes him, his presence felt similar to a knife pointing at anyone who dares to come too close. But now, the face that usually held his signature annoyance melted into something you never thought you'd see as the sun rays brushed against the surface of his fair skin. You observed the way his dark eyebrows stayed in a relaxed arch. The red crescents lining right above his beautiful long lashes and the sound of soft snores through parted lips. It was hard to believe that this man was the same person who claimed to have ended a thousand lives through thousands of years.

Did he fall asleep already?

Gently moving away the strands away from his cheekbone, hovered your gaze above him and whispered, "I thought adepti don't need rest."

"Hmph," Xiao responds, though there was no harshness in his tone, "Quit trying to be difficult, I didn't tell you to stop."

The smug grin on your face only widens. You lean downward and said to his ear, "And what's the magic word~?"

Xiao sighs at your antics. You were truly pushing your luck today and he simply didn't have the patience to entertain you. Without a warning, he grabs your wrist and pulls you down, foreheads pressing until you were but a breath away. The adepti conquers, he does not plead.

• Summer: As expected, your parnsnips weren't able to grow as much. Thus, this season was going to be the one to make up for the lost profit. Xiao is very good at hunting, perhaps the best in the entire town. Though the way he catches fish is rather peculiar, said by the folks. He prefers to carve a spear made of wood and repeatedly stabs the lake until results show. Xiao dislikes the old fashioned way, he says its unproductive and it unecissarily takes too much time. 

• But as much as he scared the whole town, they were extremely grateful when he cleaned up the slime issues happening in the mines. You could say that he grew very popular since then and eventually mustered up the courage to greet him a hello whenever he passes by. 

• You nudge him to reply back. Xiao usually shoots you a glare but slowly, he learns the courtesy of acknowledging someone's prescence.

• Fall: You woke up to a burnt smell coming from the kitchen. Xiao just thought he would return the favour since you always worked so hard. (He was actually trying to figure out what a 'whisk' was. It was no wonder why there were eggshells in the dish!)

• You realized that Xiao was taking more initation compared to before. At night, when you thought the animals were actively jumping in the barns, the noise was actually from Xiao trying to adjust himself to the ways of tending the field. After learning what TV was, he would always switch to the channel "Livin off the land" to gain some insight. Truly, Xiao was greatful even though he knew he eventually had to return to his duties, he wanted to utilize the current days the best way he could. And what better way was it to just make you happy in return?

• Winter: This was the season to test the accumulation of Xiao's abilities: you caught a cold and he had to manage everything in his own. Xiao scolded you for not wearing enough and being too careless but at the same he considered that you must've been working too hard.

• Goes to Robin for help. She basically became his mom now. Prepares the food and leaves them in the fridge, she teaches Xiao how to use the phone in case he needed any help and also lets him know where all the essentials are. 

• Xiao stayed by your side the whole time even though you told him you'd be fine. But he refuses, he may no longer be a gaurdian but he was your gaurdian. That role never changed.

~~x~~

Zhongli

• You wake up on a soft bed with Zhongli sitting at a chair nearby. He hands you a cup of brewed water but you're still blatlantly confused. Seems like everything was taken care of by Zhongli, it ends up with him explaining everything to you. 

• The folks instantly assumes you both as a married couple. Who could blame them? He did carry your unconcious body all the way to town while asking for a local doctor. You can bet that the ladies wish they were you at that moment. Zhongli took care of everything, including with the contract with the new farm.

• It didn't take long for you both to adjust to the new lifestyle. Zhongli's accumulated knowledge was enough to last all four seasons. Days past by peacefully as you shared the tasks. He'd place down the stone paths towards the gate and you busied yourself with decorating the house. After that was done, Zhongli would rest upon the rocking chair outside your door (like the grandpa he is) and sometimes you'd join him in one reading session. His voice was soothing, you eventually dipped into a slumber as the evening grew colder. Just like always, your beloved brings his arm to encapsulate you from the wind, brushing his thumb against your skin subconciously while you snore softly into his shoulder.

• In a way, the townsfolk were right. You both do act like a married couple. It's basically domestic life with Zhongli in a nutshell.

• He gets connected with Gunther and lands a role in the Museum. Since he's there so often, Zhongli also manages to be acquainted with Elliot as well. Two men who have a common interest with books while speaking in poetic prose. Their conversation would last for hours to the point Gunther had to kick them out of the library!

• Veeeery good with the children, not in an entertaining way but its just the aura he reeks. Penny usually had trouble dealing with Vincent since he never seems to be able to focus but the minute Zhongli speaks, he's all ears. Not only that he was also very good with the elderly. He even recommended some herbs George could take to soothe his back issues.

• Problem is that he still forgets to bring his wallet and Childe isn't here to save him. So once you stepped foot into the Stardrop Saloon and Gus calls you over, he tells you about the cost he owed to his tab….

• But this tranquil life full of genuinity and deprived of sovereignty, he was overjoyed to be able to spend it with you. Because he knew you were unlike him, that all humans were born with an expiry date. He knew so well that after every new greeting, he would have to face the goodbyes over and over until the world eventually came to an end. He knew you were also going to be part of those many goodbyes while he would still be here.

• But as Zhongli walks amongst the fallen leaves, he remembered the beauty that carries within every new beginning. They brought him to you and he would never hesitate to trade his gnosis for it.

Spring: You shot up your bed when Zhongli blast the TV at full volume. He apologizes, saying that he was simply trying to change the channel. You figured it was best for him to go outside before he somehow glitches the screen until it couldn't repair itself (Robin charges for repairs).

• Every thursday you both go to Pierre's store to complete your grocery shopping. He offers to push the cart as you fill the basket with all the necessities (plus it saves you the trouble of having him tossing whatever he sees without looking at the price tag).

• Every afternoon you order a take out from the Saloon, sharing the meal while sitting at the fountain's edge near the community center. Every evening Zhongli would take you to explore the rest of the vast farmland, discovering places you weren't even aware of. It was no wonder why everyone thought you were a married couple. 

• Summer: Since the cabin was too small for a bathroom, you guys would have to travel up the mountains in order to get to the Spa house (cue sweatiness x10). 

• The concept of hotsprings was derived from Inazuma so it was no surprise that Liyue eventually took it after him. Zhongli had collected some incense from foraging items over the past few months, he knows whats up. But overall he gives the best bath sessions (hands down) and you were the one who insisted in joining him.  He was a gentle and sweet lover, always putting your needs before his. Ancient artifacts and old history books have always been precious to him, he treated you no differently.

The heartbeat of the oceans continues to rock back and forth until they brush up on the sandy shore, washing away the two pairs of footprints left behind by a man and a woman.

Gold against gold, his amber eyes reflected against the scenery. Millions of lights flashed among the sea when the sun began to climb down from the sky, it's rays hugged across the valley like an ethereal glow bestowed by the heavens as summer's wind brought even more warmth than what he had currently felt. You trance ahead of with the same light shaping around your form. 

"Oh hey there's another rainbow shell," you waved at him before running off, "I'll be back!"

How is it that you still continue to shine like gold in his memories?

Zhongli suddenly ponders at the chapters laying ahead of him. He spent so many years turning each page without ever reaching a conclusion, forever searching the fabled happy endings written in fairytale books, but he knew his immortality wouldn't grant him that wish.

Thus, the formal archon raised his pen and reweaves his own story. He envisions his future with you by his side, engraving every detail until it was immortalized in his memories.

Perhaps I shouldn't keep her waiting.

With a renewed resolve, Zhongli clutches the gemstone tightly in his palm, he seals the page with the final contract between your future and his.

• Fall: After getting your first house upgrade, it was time for the next event: the ceremony. Yes, Zhongli would only have a wedding if Liyue traditions were involved. Everyone was invited of course, they were quite intrigued with the flashy setup such as lanterns and fireworks (you were a little worried with where he got the budget for such items) and Zhongli even educated Gus about some recipes he can use for the Saloon.

• You found out that Zhongli was saving all his money for this day (it was no wonder that he couldn't pay for his tab!). Old habits die hard, it was a shame that he didn't have his powers to craft the right items, but at least he got to sea you in a traditional eastern dress (it's the part he was looming forward to the most).

• Fall is the best season. One you wouldn't forget.

• Winter: Ah he finally learns how to use  technology after three seasons. He only knows two channels from the TV which was 'Livin off the Land' and the weather channel. Zhongli oftens talks to himself as he tries to figure out more mechanics, he seems to be extremely absorbed in the most basic things.

• The miner of the house. But instead of using them to upgrade tools and donating them to the museum, Zhongli likes to keep some of them for collection. You could say your house also had a little museum in the other room.

• Romcom movies and soap operas. You can't change my mind that this is what you both spend your time watching as the snowstorm rages outside. 

[serowotonin]

falling ; bakugou k.

pairing ( bakugou katsuki x fem!reader ) wordcount ( 2.4k ) genre ( fluff & basically pining )

↷ a hc-styled narrative describing the four stages bakugou katsuki goes through as he finds himself falling for you . . .

STAGE I ( impression ) ;

the first time bakugou laid eyes on you was during the entrance exam at UA. 

back then, you were just another face in the crowd of faces he was going to have to beat to earn his spot in UA

the first time bakugou spoke to you wasn’t memorable to him either

like with everyone else, he was loud and rude and made it very clear he wasn’t interested in playing friends

after that you became a part of the class, just another extra, someone who’d just get in the way

that was all he thought you were… 

until you kicked todoroki’s ass one day during training

the teachers had paired everyone in the class and told you to practice your 1-on-1 combat skills using your quirk 

bakugou, who was paired with kirishima went first

you and todoroki were to be the last pair

despite a good effort put up by kirishima, bakugou still ended up winning that round

when it was finally yours and todoroki’s turn, bakugou paid extra attention

in his mind, he knew todoroki was powerful and someone to watch out for

but what happened was quite unexpected

you maneuvered easily through todoroki’s attacks with a combination of physical prowess and creative usage of your quirk

let’s just say his ice didn’t work on you and he was caught off guard, allowing you to snatch a win 

needless to say, most of your classmates were a bit surprised at first

bakugou included

they knew you were strong but they didn’t know you were that skilled

whatever the rest of the class thought didn’t matter to bakugou though

all he knew was that now he had to keep an eye on you

STAGE II ( perspective ) ;

after that event, bakugou did indeed keep his eye on you

it started off with him observing your moves whenever the class had to do any training exercises 

he saw you fight with todoroki a couple more times after that

those didn’t end in easy victory for you as it did before because todoroki was now more wary of you

however, the way you evaded and countered his attacks was something to be praised

in bakugou’s subconscious opinion at least

your moves were carefully thought out and bakugou could see that

he could see the effort and practice you had put into perfecting them

not only that, he could also see the natural talent that you had to be able to become this strong

and it wasn’t only your fighting capabilities

you were also smart

maybe he hadn’t noticed it before but he did now

you seemed to always know the answer when a teacher called on you and your grades were great

slowly, but surely, you gained respect in his eyes 

if he knew one thing about you, it was that you were maybe the tiniest bit better than the other extras 

for a while it stayed like this, him acknowledging you but never making it obvious and you just doing your thing

that was of course until one day in the morning before class started

mina, kirishima, and sero were talking about things as they usually were and somehow the conversation led to you

they were talking about how strong and smart you were and going on about stuff

bakugou must’ve turned his head in their direction or something but mina noticed him listening so asked him cheekily what he thought of you

“y/n? of course they’re strong. anyone could see that.”

he said that pretty loudly and didn’t seem to notice you walking into the classroom

and of course you heard

“did my ears deceive or did the bakugou katsuki just praise me?” you teased

he was pretty embarrassed, blushing and sweating a bit but trying to hide it

soon after though, class started and the ordeal was forgotten

but something about that interaction led to you and bakugou becoming closer

closer in that instead of passing the other off as another strong classmate as you usually would, you��d actually greet each other and talk 

you’d say hello to him in the mornings and goodbye after school and he’d just grunt or nod your way

but this was what it meant to be close to bakugou anyway

during the weeks that passed, bakugou found himself noticing you even more

before he only paid attention to your skills and thought about you as an enemy or rival of sorts

now it seems as if he’s just noticing the little things about you and your personality that make you who you were

he wasn’t doing it on purpose god forbid

no no it was just him being unknowingly observant

weeks turned into months and months turned into years

in a blink of an eye, you were all well in your second year

with everything that happened, you and bakugou became close

close enough for you to tease him at random times and close enough for him to ask you to fight him as training

by then it was safe to say bakugou knew you

he knew the little quirks you had 

he knew your different smiles, your different laughs

he knew your favorite foods and your not so favorite ones

he knew the many different little things that made you you

STAGE III ( contradiction ) ;

before the start of the third year, the class decided to have a little get-together party of sorts

to celebrate the start of their last year in high school and to catch up as everyone’s been busy with internships and whatnot

you spent the break away from tokyo so it’s been a while since you saw the rest of the class

naturally you were excited to be able to meet them all casually again before the intense studying and training that awaited you all 

bakugou, on the other hand, wasn’t too excited

frankly, he could do without seeing the class before school

but when he heard you were going to be there, he also agreed to go

so there you two were with the rest of the class at a cinema buying drinks and popcorn before your movie started

the neon lights and the prospect of popcorn lit up your face and bakugou couldn’t help but stare

there was just something, something he couldn’t quite figure out

it’s not that you were beautiful, it’s not that you looked cute in that outfit, it’s not that your smile was making his heart flutter

no it wasnt any of that true though they may be

you just.. you looked nice

thats why he was staring

yeah he hasn’t seen you in a while and you come back looking *nice* 

of course he would stare

anyone would

apparently you had noticed him staring though, so you sent a wink and a grin his way before turning back to the popcorn and drinks

in other words, you killed him

with ridiculously high levels of cute and nice

kirishima and sero were just watching the whole thing happen and hell was it obvious to them

their boi was falling hard

now they knew he’d never admit it and they knew you weren’t likely to do anything about his “crush” even if it was obvious to you too

so…

while bakugou was busy helping you carry your popcorn, they devised a rather devious plan

operation: jelly burst

objective? none other than to make explody boiy jealous

for what reason? no reason really it’s just fun to mess with him and this is probably the first time he’s had this big a crush

once everyone finished buying popcorn and was walking into the cinema, operation: jelly burst was put into action

“hey y/n ! come sit next to me” — sero

so you did, nothing strange bout that, sero was a good of yours anyway, nothing strange at all

bakugou moved to come sit next to you too but kiri hurried past him and sat down on your other side before he could

“oh hey bakubro didn’t see ya there sorry”

the seat kirishima stole was the last seat on the aisle

and bakugou was forced to go sit somewhere else

alone

poor guy</3

the seat he found was a few rows above yours though and all went according to the jelly burst plan

by the end of the movie, bakugou was in the foulest mood and no one, except for the 2 lads sitting on either side of y/n, knew why

operation: jelly burst didnt end there though

see they got him jelly but they haven’t gotten him to burst

the next week at school, kirishima and sero both acted really nice to you

it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but they did talk to you just a tad bit more than usual

either way bakugou noticed big time and he did not like it

he did not like it one bit

the jelly was there alright

it was just boiling to unprecedented levels

pretty soon, the boys dumped the idea of operation: jelly burst 

mainly cos it was taking too long 

but also because bakugou had become at least 10x more hostile

except to you of course

for some reason, a reason absolutely no one could figure out(sarcasm intended), he was just

quiet around you

didnt yell but didnt really talk to you either

whenever anyone else, kiri and sero especially, tried to talk to him though, he’d shout louder and be a lot ruder to them 

he’s just agitated

and he knew why he was that way

he’s just in denial about it

he’s also in denial about the reason why

why couldn’t he just accept his feelings and act on it already?

kirishima asked him that one day in the dorms

he saw bakugou staring very intensely straight at you without blinking for a full minute

“look man, don’t even try to tell me you don’t like y/n. it’s obvious and i’m not an idiot. you aren’t either.”

“i know shitty hair. it’s just… i’m me. and she’s y/n. nothing’s ever gonna happen.”

“you don’t know that”

“but i do. cmon, she’s just so fucking perfect even with all her flaws. and i’m just the loud guy with exploding hands and no emotions.”

kiri was surprised honestly

this wouldn’t be the first time bakugou was insecure around him but the way bakugou talked about you and how he implied he wasn’t worthy

damn that hit kirishima 

“bakubro, i’m gonna help you”

STAGE IV ( intimacy ) ;

ever since he told kirishima abt what’s been bothering him about you and ever since kirishima declared he’d help, bakugou became more…

quiet

he was still loud, but he just became a soft kind of loud now(?)

it was like he got calmer and he was assured that things would be okay

of course things were not okay

why? because ever since bakugou fully accepted his feelings for you, he doesnt know how to act around you

the other day you asked him what he wanted to eat for dinner cause you were cooking tonight

his answer:

“you”

“umm..”

“-you can make anything you want. i’ll eat whatever.”

that and a lot of other little awkward incidents started occurring

also maybe it was just the weather but he always seemed red whenever you saw him

it wasn’t the weather though

it was him being shy and nervous and flustered

which made bakusquad extremely weirded out cause seeing him like that is like seeing aizawa cheerfully smiling and wearing bright color clothes

it was weird af and was just not right

anyway, mina’s advice to him was to try to get closer to you

“but we’re already close”

“no i mean closer on a personal level. ask her how her day was or ask her random stuff about her likes and dislikes or her hobbies or literally anything”

“oh… ok then”

and so he tried that

he tried getting closer to you by greeting you every morning and sometimes asking you if you slept well

you found it odd

it certainly was odd, but you didn’t mind

if you ask him why he asks about your sleep he just goes red and says he needs to make sure his opponent for his afternoon sparring session is well-rested and healthy

speaking of the sparring sessions…

he asks you to spar more often than usual and actually makes small talk during your breaks

he was also a lot nicer to you, offering to help carry stuff for you and assisting you in the little things

like getting a mug from the kitchen’s high shelves or picking up the pencil you accidentally dropped

what he did worked though and within a few weeks, the two of you got a lot closer

the next step, as mina put it, was “making sure she knew you weren’t interested in her as a friend”

now that was hard for bakugou to do

“it’s not that hard. you could just tell her.”

bakugou: ..??

“basically confess”

bakugou: wha- *shortcircuits*

CONFESSING

he never thought about that

he actually has

he knew in his mind he’d have to do it eventually if he wanted to have you

but he didn’t think it would be *this soon*

“dont think that much and just tell her you like her”

“you’re making it sound easy”

“because it is!”

he groaned internally

he’s faced tons of villains and been in quite the number of fearful situations but the fear he felt now was completely different 

“look if you’re afraid of rejection just confess like this”

*sero clears throat*

“*y/n i like you and i would like to be something more than friends. i’m not going to pressure you into anything so if yoh don’t want to we can just pretend this never happened>:)”

“...”

bakugou ended up confessing the next day though

just not like that

it was a spur of a moment thing and he wasn’t really aware he said it until you responded

the two of you were sparring as usual and you had just gotten close enough to knock him down and pin him to the ground

in that moment you were just so beautiful and amazing and everything and he just couldn’t keep it in apparently 

“i like you”

“w-what?”

“what?”

“did you just say you liked me?”

“like not liked dumbass”

“:o present tense o:”

well long story short, you like him too and you tell him that and you two just sit there grinning like idiots 

from then on things didn’t change much

you and bakugou still talked, although maybe more than usual

and still sparred with each other, although maybe less seriously and more playfully

some were surprised when it became known you were together

some weren’t 

whatever other people thought though, they couldn’t deny one thing:

bakugou looked at you as if you were the world

STAGE ∞︎ ( fallen ) .

note ; i started writing this soo long ago but then abandoned it cuz thats just me:”] bUT i decided that since its his birthday i might as well finish it up and finally post it u.u,,, also TYSM @animebsposts for helping me with this ily and ur amazing<3

taglist ; ( send ask to be added ! ) @lilikags​

[niightbiite]

Screenshotted post by @cuppimagines

So ive had that imagine [link 2 said post] sitting in my drafts as a idea to do for awhile now.... n ive done it!!!

And in the process came up with!!! Character Lore. Kinda. Still poking at it but its pretty fun i think!!! [Lore n bonus pics under the cut]

Me trying to figure out designs + dark wizard trans. Why does he have a tenta dick? A dark spell he did had the (accidental) side effect of giving him one (and also changing a good like 50% of his anatomy into something a little more monsterous but shhhhh we're not talking about that), but honestly he'd been wanting one Anyways, AND the spell went off correctly, so he 100% won that gamble.

(HI soooo this backstory thing ended up a LOT longer than i initally expected. Have fun reading lmao)

Sooo the relationship between these two is that theyre recently reconnected childhood penpals!!! They live on two different, yet similar worlds, and those worlds have some hidden connections! One day, a hot summer day, young lil baby Cafe (the person who is Not a wizard) found one of those connections, in the woods behind their family's home. Being a weird little child (as all children are), they decided to send a letter through it.

On the other side of that connection, a few days later, DW (Dark Wizard) found that letter (and the connection) in the woods surrounding his grandfather's home, and also being a weird little child, sent a letter back through. Thus! A wonderful summer friendship was struck up between the two, and lasted for years.

Unfortunately, somewhere around the middle of highschool, DW one day simply stopped responding. Cafe held out hope for months, but soon years had passed, and they simply had to move on. Life waited for no one, and they had college to get to.

The reason behind DW's sudden disappearance is the simply fact that his kindly grandfather, the one who he had been apprenticed to for the last 10+ years, and raised by even before that, was a dark magic user. And the particular kingdom they lived in hunted dark magic users. Also in his heyday, DW's grandfather was a real powerhouse, and caused Many issues (Likely also contributing to the banning of dark magic in that particular kingdom lmao).

So uh, yeah. DW had to go on the run.

Eventually he became a powerful enough tyrant/menancing cryptid mix that folks collectively decided to stop attempting to hunt him down (barring the occasional greedy/overly confident idiot), so DW came back to where his grandfather's house once stood, and settled down there. He never truly forgot about the connection, but it took a few months before he finally worked up the nerve to pen a letter to his oldest friend. Thankfully, DW happened to finally put his letter through just when Cafe happened to be visiting home for a break between semesters.

Even though they had long given up hope on ever hearing from DW again, Cafe still enjoyed hanging out in the woods to chill out, and checking the connection was practically a ritual at this point. Only this time, there was a letter in that script, one they never could have forgotten, even if they tried.

And basically after that its them catching up on each other's life in the past few years, and sending each other lil trinkets and pictures of themselves and whatnot. Then yearning. Lotsa yearning. DW and Cafe have lowkey had childhood crushes on one another all these years, but how the hell would you tell that to a someone you've never met in person, and cant actually ever meet in person??? Plus, Cafe has tried the dating scene, and never really found anyone that interests them (they are demisexual). DW has literally spent years on the run. So they (individually) just kinda. Stew in the Yearning-Pining soup.

Eventually magic fucky ducky shit happens and connections around the world turn into fully fledged, creature permissible portals. Its a lotta chaos, but thats not the point, cause now! Now they can finally fucking hug each other!!! And be incredibly gay horny young adults together.

I dont have anything vaugely thought about beyond that point, but just know they grow old and grey (...eventually. dark magic does some Weird Shit) together.

[1-800-dracula]

a final update on my life before i disappear:

i achieved my dream of being a popular skyrim modder. i make mods and have made a name for myself. i have a .com website and its my own. people recognize me and look up to me. i will not share any names because ive had 3 real stalking situations arise from this. but i did it i guess LOL

i have been dating my current partner for 2 years now. he lives in canada and he just spent the past month with me. i have never experienced such kindness and love from a person. i will never accept bare minimum again. he has shown me tenderness and care that i had no idea was possible. we both want children in the next few years.

like mentioned im moving (next week at this point) back home to illinois for the foreseeable future. i have a lot of catching up to do. i dont think my time in Arizona was wasted but it was the wrong thing to do in the first place. i see that and know better now.

ive lost a lot of weight. stress and anxiety have consumed almost every day of my life. im trying to work on that. im slowly starting to eat more than once a day. i havent taken care of myself in so, so long. i want to be myself again.

 thanks to everyone who reached out. thanks to everyone whose followed me since i was just a kid. i hope you can all remember me as u-ok the shitposting homestuck. its my hope that in your memories i live on as just that. please remember me as a worry-free kid.

may your road lead you to warm sands.

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Then & Now (Ethan x MC)

Summary: A particularly difficult case forces Ethan to confront a blast from his past

A/N: This popped into my head and I had too much fun writing it. I will loosely incorporate some of the themes from book 3 and make them better, but this is mostly an AU.

A/N 2: Yes I’m writing another multipart fic while actively ignoring my others. The muses spoke and I had no choice in the matter. Enjoy!

~v~

“Would you like some more coffee, Dr. Ramsey?”

Whatever line he was reading in his textbook blurs as does his vision. Ethan looks up at the face of the newest member of the team, a young resident, Isabelle. He takes the cup, not missing the way her eyes light up as he does so. What is it with residents and their incessant need to kiss-ass and be people pleasers?

“Thank you, Dr. Proctor.”

“Of course! I figured we’d need all the caffeine we could get our hands on with this case.”

Ethan doesn’t respond with words, only offering the young woman a hum in acknowledgement. Instead his eyes land on his coworker, Harper Emery. “Harper, has your team been able to come up with anything new?”

“Nothing,” Harper replies with a resigned sigh.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“I’ve run as many tests, MRIs and CT scans as I could, and none of them came back with anything conclusive. We’re officially back to square one.”

Ethan hasn’t been this stumped in years. A week ago, a patient came to Edenbrook after waking up without being able to feel anything from the waist down. A young, relatively healthy 25 year old with no extraordinary medical history, no recent reports of any TBI, nothing. He assumed with Harper–one of the nation’s greatest neurosurgeons–on the case, that this would be a simple fix.

As painful as it is to admit, he’s wrong.

They’ve gotten nowhere with the case, they’ve made no progress, and to make matters worse, he has Leland Bloom and the board breathing down his neck because it’s been years since the team has spent more than a week on a case, so a week with no news reflects poorly on them—on him, as the team’s leader specifically.

The last member of the team, Tobias, clears his throat. “Did he ever mention getting into a fight? Maybe he took a hit to the head, and just doesn’t want to admit it?”

“Maybe, but like I said, none of the CT scans or MRIs showed me anything out of the norm,” Harper says. “I can always ask him again.”

“That’d be ideal–”

Ethan’s sentence is cut off as the door to their office is thrown open, and in walks Leland. “Hello, team!”

The most senior members of the team stay silent, but Isabelle gives a slight wave. “Hello, Mr. Bloom.”

“Dr. Proctor,” Leland greets in turn. “Nice to know at least one of you has manners.”

Ethan checks the time on his watch. “What are you doing here, Bloom?”

“Last time I checked, I owned this entire building and I didn’t need to ask your permission to be here.”

“We’re nearing midnight,” Ethan adds. “What are you still doing here, and not at home? I’m sure Mrs. Bloom would enjoy seeing you.”

Leland ignores the mention of his wife Caroline, pretending like she wasn’t mentioned at all. “I just stopped by your patient’s room to see how he was doing. And then I decided to drop by to check in with you guys. Are there any updates on the Miller case?”

“I’m not discussing patient information with you,” Ethan says.

“Well, I am your boss.”

“And until you go to medical school, graduate, become a doctor at this hospital, and join in on this case, I don’t have to tell you anything. You may own this hospital, but I do not have to discuss my patients with you.”

“Okay, so you guys have no new information,” Leland concludes.

Ethan pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance, this conversation giving him a headache even though it just started. “We were actually in the middle of a brainstorming session before we were interrupted, so if we could have some privacy again, that would be much appreciated.”

Ethan’s tone causes Leland to drop the veneer of kindness, the smile dropping from his face only for a second before he catches it. He looks away and sniffs haughtily. “Fine. I’ll check in with the patient tomorrow for a status update, since it’s clear I won’t be getting it from my employees. Thankfully, his father and I go way back.”

“I can’t stop the patient from divulging his own information.”

Leland glances around the room one more time, his gaze lingering on Ethan a bit longer than it does on the other occupants. “Goodnight, doctors.”

Once Leland leaves, Harper turns towards Ethan. “You act like it would literally kill you to be nice to him.”

“Be nice for what? Bloom thinks we owe him undying loyalty and infinite ass kissing because he bought the hospital. He’s pulled a lot of nonsense since moving into this position, but he’s not worth breaking any laws over. My patients deserve their privacy.”

“And I agree, but the extra hostility isn’t needed. The last thing we need is World War 3 with you and Bloom tearing down the hospital. Just be nice.”

“Okay, are we getting back to work or calling it a night?”

The rest of the team glances around each other. Pulling an all-nighter with Ethan while he’s in a foul mood sounds like a nightmare.

“We’re calling it a night.”

~v~

Ethan ends up falling asleep in the office, finally dozing off around 5 o'clock in the morning, surrounded by a mountain of books and the harsh light of his computer screen. The sleep is short lived though as the sound of his pager wakes him up.

He jumps up with a start, and checks the time on his watch before checking his pager. He only managed to get two hours of sleep, but he can’t dwell on that. The page is a 911 alert to his patient’s room.

“Shit!”

He takes off to the 4th floor where his patient is housed, thankful that the early morning hour means the hospital is not yet flooded with people.

Isabelle, Harper, and a nurse are already in the room when Ethan finally makes it. “What’s going on?”

“He had a seizure,” Harper explains.

“How long did it last?”

“Around 50 seconds. We administered lorazepam into his IV.”

“Could this be a new symptom?” Valencia asks. “Or something else entirely?”

Harper shrugs. “I don’t know, but I’m going to take him down to radiology for another CT scan. Hopefully this next one can actually yield some results.”

Ethan nods. “That sounds like a plan. In the meantime, Dr. Proctor, add seizures onto the list of symptoms to broaden our search criteria. Maybe that’ll help.”

“Gotcha.”

“We’ll reconvene when Tobias comes in and once we get the new CT scans back.”

There’s a knock at the door and Ethan bristles when Leland’s loud voice calls out to him. “Dr. Ramsey, can I speak to you out in the hallway?”

“With all due respect, I’d rather not.”

“It wasn’t a request, doctor. Hallway, now.”

Ethan shoots Harper a look, and she gives him a quick sympathy smile before he and Leland step out into the hallway.

They move a few feet away from the patient’s door, out of earshot before Leland lays into Ethan. “How in the hell is the patient actually managing to get worse under your care?”

The question actually takes Ethan aback. “You can’t possibly be saying his condition is my fault?”

“I’m saying he’s been here for a week now, and he’s no better off than where he was. You don’t have any information to give him or his family. Do you know how many phone calls my assistant has had to field because they want to get him transferred to a different facility?”

“We are giving him the best care possible, Leland. Just because you and his father belong to the same country club or whatever, does not mean there’ll be some instant diagnosis or treatment that he can buy...or steal. We need to do our due diligence.”

Leland is smart enough to know when a dig is being lobbed in his direction. His eyes narrow. “What are you trying to say, Ethan?”

“Exactly what I just did. Besides, why do you have such a vested interest in my team and what we do? I’m sure you have other businesses and people to micromanage these days.”

“You guys don’t make me any money yet remain my biggest cost. The least you can do is be efficient and answer my questions when I ask.”

“And like I told you last night, I know you own this place. You never let me forget it. But you buying this hospital does not mean I am here at your beck and call, now does it mean I have to be governed under anything that isn’t set forth by the American Medical Association. Now, me team is the best this hospital and this city have to offer, so back up and let us do our jobs.”

“You guys are the best?” Leland chuckles humorlessly. “Act like it. Or I’ll find someone else who can.”

The threat causes Ethan to pause. “What does that mean?”

“You heard me loud and clear, Dr. Ramsey. Loud and clear.”

~v~

“You idiot! Why on earth would you get into a fight with Bloom in the middle of a hallway?”

Ethan doesn’t try to school his bored expression as Tobias paces the entire length of the office, huffing and puffing as he does so.

“I didn’t get into a fight with him,” Ethan amends. “It was an exchange of words.”

“A loud exchange of words,” Harper adds. “In front of our patient’s room, might I add.”

“I had plans for this day to be productive, but the minute that man opens his mouth, I just–”

“We get it, you don’t like him,” Tobias interjects.

“Disliking Leland is an understatement.”

Isabelle stays silent, unable to find a good place to cut in, despite having questions. Ethan’s dislike of Leland Bloom is the hospital’s worst kept secret, but the contention has always been passive aggressive at best. And as a second year resident, she doesn’t have any background knowledge on why the relationship is the way that it is.

“I don’t like him either, but you don’t see me needling him in front of the nurse’s station!”

“Sure Leland is...obnoxious at times, but I don’t understand any of it,” Isabelle says, finally speaking up. Ethan looks at her as if he’s just now remembering that she’s been in the room the entire time. “What happened that caused this much animosity?”

Leland’s kidney disease wasn’t a major secret. Most medical personnel that worked at Edenbrook and the larger Boston area remember the huge media blitz, and all of the pomp and circumstance surrounding his hospitalization early last year. And the official story is Leland got a kidney from a family member who wished to keep their identity a secret from the public, and everyone ate it up.

Only a handful of people know the truth. That a few well placed phone calls and dollars exchanged got Leland to the top of the donor list within a day, stealing a second chance from the true person at the top of the list: a 14 year old girl.

“So long as there is breath in my body, Leland Bloom and his ilk will never get an ounce of respect from me, and I’ll just leave it at that,” Ethan says cooly. “And that’s all you need to know, Dr. Proctor.”

“Okay.”

“I’m just saying man, Bloom is petty,” Tobias adds. “Men like him, who think the rest of us should bow at their feet, don’t take kindly to getting told off, especially in public. Underneath the billions is a tiny ass, fragile ego. Can you just keep a low profile and be quiet for the next day or two, so Bloom doesn’t dismantle this team?”

“I’ll be as cordial as Bloom is,” is what Ethan settles upon. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

The only thing that can rival Ethan’s intelligence is his stubbornness. Tobias knows it’s the best he’s going to get out of Ethan, so he relents. “Okay.”

“Good. Now can we get back to work and stop talking about Bloom?”

His team nods and Ethan sighs in relief.. They still have a chance to turn things around and actually have a good day.

They fall into a productive routine, tossing around different theories, sharing research and narrowing down ideas. Too bad that only lasts for about half an hour before there’s a knock at the office door. A few seconds later, Naveen pokes his head in.

Ethan smiles because part of him was expecting Leland to show up again. “Naveen, this is a nice surprise! Don’t tell me you’re ready to get back in the saddle.”

Naveen laughs good-naturedly at his mentee. “Not quite.”

“Well what brings you down here?”

“I wanted to talk to you for a second, Ethan,” Naveen says.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes. It’s not about me, it’s work related. Team related news, that I wanted to tell you personally,” Naveen explains, fully entering the office. “Is there any way I could steal you for a few minutes?”

“If it involves the team, I think we can have the conversation here. Is this about my...spirited discussion with Leland?”

“No, it’s about the case you’re working on.”

“Now I know we don’t usually work on cases for this long, and we’re working on it.”

“I know. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Leland has some concerns about how long it’s taking you guys to treat this patient, and he told me that he wants to outsource some extra help to speed things along.”

“No thank you.”

“He’s already made phone calls. I’m just here to give you a heads up about who he picked.”

“A heads up?” Ethan scoffs and rolls his eyes. Who on earth could Leland think of reaching out to that Ethan would need a warning about? “Who is he asking for? Mendoza from MK? Catherine Morgan from Stanford? The Boogeyman?”

“I don’t think I’ve reached Boogeyman levels of infamy. Well, at least not yet.”

The voice makes the hair on the back of Ethan’s neck stand up. It’s a voice he hasn’t heard in close to three years, one that he thought he’d never hear again.

His eyes snap up, locking with the large brown ones staring back at him, and all of the breath leaves his lungs at once. The last time he looked into these eyes, they weren’t full of humor like they are now, but pure fire. His chest constricts, inhaling suddenly the most difficult task in the world.

The entire room goes silent, everyone watching as Ethan and the woman stay locked in their staring contest. Isabelle’s eyes dart back and forth, hoping someone can clue her into what’s going on, but Naveen, Harper and Tobias offer zero assistance.

Isabelle takes the quiet time to appraise the stranger. She’s petite, almost a foot shorter than Ethan even with her sky high Jimmy Choos on. The second thing that catches her attention is the mess of dark curly hair spilling over her shoulders, and the amused smirk on her face, like a cat that got the canary.

The woman breaks eye contact with Ethan to look past his shoulder. “Harper, Tobias, hello. Long time no see.”

When he regains the ability to speak, Ethan grits out, “Naomi, what on earth are you doing here?”

“I got an interesting call from Leland Bloom this morning, saying that the diagnostics team was in dire need of some assistance on a particularly difficult case. Within the hour, his private helicopter was picking me up.”

Ethan takes a sterling’s breath and silently counts to 3 before talking again. “I’m not working with you.”

“You don’t have a choice. Not unless you quit.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

Naomi rolls her eyes. “Drama was never a good look on you, darling, I was always better suited for it.” She turns her attention to the young resident gawking at her, turning on her megawatt smile. “You’re new. I don’t know you.”

“Um, n-no you don't. I’m Dr. Isabelle Proctor.”

“Isabelle,” Naomi repeats slowly, letting it roll off of her tongue. “What a pretty name.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m Dr. Naomi Ramsey.”

The last name catches her attention. Her eyes flicker over to Ethan’s face, catching the way his jaw ticks as female Dr. Ramsey talks.

“I can see the wheels turning in your head as I talk, so I’ll clear things up for you right quick,” Naomi continues. “No, the last name thing isn’t a coincidence. I’m Ethan’s ex-wife." She sticks out a hand for Isabelle to shake. "Nice to meet you.”

~v~

Tags: @openheartfanfics @mvalentine @choicesaddict5 @professorkingslay @maurine07 @aka-calliope @bluebellot @whimsicallywayward15 @blossomanarchy @takemyopenheart @jamespotterthefirst @fanmantrashcan @whatchique @ao719 @x-kyne-x @paulfwesley @the-pale-goddess @writinghereandthere @ramseyandrys @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramseyx @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @cecilecontrera @thatysn @bellcat2010 @blainehellyes @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @desmaranj @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartsx @ruinedbypixels @nooruleman @rookie-ramsey @uneravine @choicest

[glass-expanse]

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

I've been 19 for a week and a day now and everything is going so much better than it was before.

All of May and June, I was deep in the trenches of depression and suicidal ideation. My 19th birthday, the evil voices were abruptly and miraculously gone. I had spent the day before stressed over scheduling an wanting to die and I broke down and just sobbed to God and told Him I couldn't fight for my life anymore and that He would have to fight for me. Just like Psalm 40 says, He heard my cry for help, He brought me up from the desolate pit, He took me out of the muddy clay, and now He is being faithful to set my feet on a rock, making my steps secure. I certainly wasn't good at waiting patiently, but His mercy is more than my failings!

By His grace, I have taken on the challenge to get back into the Word. I started studying Psalm 103 today and it's every reminder that I needed for the past several months. My relationship with God, while still weak after battling depression, hasn't had the chance to be strengthened like this in months.

A little over a year ago, I got sicker than I have ever been in my whole life. I had Covid and Heatstroke at the same time. I started manifesting symptoms of Covid on my 18th birthday-- I was extremely exhausted and blamed it on stress and the hard job I had splitting myself between camp riding lessons, farm riding lessons, trail rides, camp events, and my camp cabin. Sunday I came to the staff meeting at 0 energy level. Monday I was so depressed and felt so ill that I had to skip catching. I slept through breakfast. It was supposed to rain, but instead the entire farm was choked by a thick glistening haze of humidity. Because of the rain prediction, I had on a long sleeve (light colored) shirt.

I was so weak I couldn't project my voice and had to thrust my assistant into the thick of learning how to explain concepts in the order I gave them to him. Water cups came and I sank to me knees. I had to get through my trail ride-- it was my first chance to ride a horse I'd had my eye on for so long. 17 hands tall. 5 years old. I trust him with my life. Because I white knuckled that saddle horn for dear life, praying I wouldn't pass out. I was too week to even telephone directions for a crooked saddle up the line.

Halfway through, I feel like I need a sub. Call my assistant who is leading. He says hang in there, we're almost back. I cling to consciousness. One of my best friends sees that I'm pale and out of it, springs off the manure spreader tractor, fixes my student's saddle, and leads me in by the reins.

After a chiropractor appointment I guzzled water and powerade all afternoon and talk to my fellow on the phone. I didn't feel any better by dinner so I went to the nurse. Fever. Sick. I drive home in a daze and lie in bed for the next week, too weak to even stand in the shower.

For this past year, I have suffered from fatigue, heat sensitivity, and as time went on, serious pain in every single major joint and bone of my body save my skull. Shoulders, elbows, wrists, forearms, upper arms, back, hips, femurs, knees, shins, ankles, feet, hands... You name it, any physical activity made it hurt.

I couldn't do anything I loved to do. I couldn't even work a 16 hour workweek without being totally sapped each day. things only seemed to get worse, especially as warm weather returned. I had finally given up after two weeks of a diet that only made things worse.

And then, I took a course of iv*rm*ctin. Just a children's course. During the course, I still had pain... But after... It was gone! Praise God! The first improvement I had seen in a year of taking tests, seeing doctors, taking supplements, changing diets, trying rest, trying working, trying everything short of steroids. Finally, finally! I have improved!

And today, today has been so exciting! I spent 2+ hours in direct sunlight... carried two water buckets... cut and arranged not one but TWO full size bouquets... picked berries... measured and remeasured a 60x48 area... mucked out the chicken coop a bit... planked for 30 seconds... and walked a ton. And then, after that, I didn't go inside! I stayed on the porch in part sun part shade until 6:00 or so just talking with company we had over! Staying outside in 90 degree heat! Me! Indefinitely! With no issue!

I'm sore... but in my muscles. I'm tired... but I don't feel the endless black maw of fatigue. And the sun burned my face and arms but it didn't feel like it was hitting me like a mallet anymore. I'm still working on water intake, but. This. Is. Phenomenal. Praise God for His healing!

What's next? Well, I'm praying over my plans. What I would like to do is this. Help instruct camp lessons for the final month of camp. Then after that get a job at a flower shop as the working students return to school. And while I do that, continue to build back into riding and instructing by forging a connection with a new barn where I can be mentored as an instructor. Then this fall, attend a CHA clinic to become an officially certified instructor. And someday soon as I grow in these areas, find myself a couple roommates and buy myself a project horse to expand my marketable skills.

How can you be praying? Well, my largest request would be for patience. I have been so impatient for the past year. I know I tend to be impatient with my body, my abilities, and my goals. So while I can taste the future now, I know thag I still have to be gentle with my body as it returns to being a properly usable meatsuit lol. Also wisdom, that I would know the difference between creating my own doors and going through open ones. For humility, that I may submit my heart, mind, life, plans, and freedom fully to God. That He would make His will for my life clear and that I would have the humility to accept that. For boldness, that I would seek out wise counsel rather than avoiding it out of fear.

Blessed be the name of the Lord... the trials of the past year are yielding fruit, driving me closer to God, helping me support others... This is only the beginning. Even if my health stays here forever, even if it gets worse again, I know God still has a purpose for me and that He's not done with me yet. He can do anything. His will shall come through in my life, He'll make sure of it. I may not know for certain what the next step is, but I know that God is there and I have to take the responsibility to learn His Word so that I may discern the path ahead.

Jesus loves me so much. He gave mercy to Peter, who denied Him thrice over. He has given mercy to me. No matter how far I wander, I know I am in the hand of the most high God of heaven and earth, and I know that nothing can take me away from that, not even myself! My hope is in the sanctified of Christ, that I will continue to grow closer to God despite any setbacks.

Soli Deo Gloria

[thebookreader12345]

Right the Wrongs

Pairing: Natalie Manning x Best Friend! reader

Summary: Y/N and Natalie have been best friends for years, so when Natalie is in an accident with Will, and something seems off with Phillip, Y/N does everything in her power to fix the present

Requested: Yes, by anonymous

Warnings: slight swearing, mentions of a car accident, blood, and injuries

Word Count: 1,355 Words

Note: Takes place during Chicago Med Season 5 Episode 1, Never Going Back to Normal

"Hey, Y/N," my best friend Natalie greeted me. "Can we talk for a moment?"

"Uh, can it wait? I'm working a double shift tonight so I want to get all of this stuff done. And I'm kind of busy at the moment," I say and hold up a chart. I turned towards Natalie to get her response, but when I saw her face, my heart dropped. "You know what? This can wait. What's up?"

"I might be having a mid life crisis," Natalie told me. "And I'm not really sure what to do."

"All right, well, on a scale of 1-5, how major is the crisis?" I question.

"I think I'm still in love with Will," Natalie confessed.

"Um, Doris, could you go ahead and get the patient in Treatment 1 started on prednisone?" I ask. Doris nodded, and I quickly thanked her before leading Natalie to the empty doctors' lounge. "Okay, you're gonna have to start from the beginning. What do you mean you think you're still in love with Will?"

Natalie shrugged. "I don't know. Don't get me wrong, Phillip is nice and all, but I just recently discovered that Will didn't want to go back into Witness Protection because of me. And yeah, the two of us have had sort of a rocky past, but the time I spent with him... I can't imagine being with anyone else."

"Okay, this is definitely a level 5 crisis," I declare. "What are you gonna do?"

"What do you think I should do?" Natalie countered. I took a seat on the couch and pat the spot next to me, and Natalie sat down. For a second, I didn't say a word because, well, I didn't really know what to say. Finally though, I spoke up.

"Lets make a pros and cons list," I suggest. "So Phillip, for the pros, he's really sweet and handsome, and he cares a lot for his sick daughter. Cons, his wife did just die, and maybe his feelings for you aren't actually real. You did try to help save his dying wife, and you've been working tirelessly to save his daughter, so this could be a case of transference."

Natalie nodded. "Okay. Now what about Will?"

"Well, the obvious pro is that he's really dedicated, especially with his patients. And he's an overall amazing guy. Plus, he's good-looking and has really nice hair," I add, to which Natalie laughed. "Then there are the cons. He's reckless and stubborn and doesn't always tell the truth."

Natalie sighed and leaned back against the couch, rubbing a hand over her face. "So what are you trying to say? You think I should stay with Phillip?"

"Quite the opposite, actually," I admit. "Sure, Phillip's a great guy, but you and Will have a deep history. And everyone in this ED, hell, the whole hospital, knows how much you care for each other. I say you go for Will. But at the end of the day, it's your decision."

"No, I uh, I think you're right. I need to go find Will," Natalie spoke and stood up. "Have you seem him?"

"Well, shift's just ending, and considering his jacket isn't in his locker and neither are his other things, he's heading to his car," I state.

"Well then, I better hurry to catch up with him. Thank you, Y/N," Natalie murmured and hugged me before exiting the lounge.

................................................

"Oh my god! What the hell happened?" I quiz as Will carried Natalie into the ED. Half of Will's face was covered in blood, and Natalie looked like she had a nasty head wound which was leaking a lot of blood.

"Natalie was thrown from the vehicle," Will explained and placed Natalie down onto a bed.

"Crockett!" I shout to get the doctor's attention. "I need some help in here!"

"I'm here," Crockett breathed out and slipped on some gloves. "What have we got?"

"Blunt head trauma and loss of consciousness," Will disclosed.

"I'm putting a collar on her," I announce.

Crockett nodded. "Start an IV and get her on the monitors and a nasal airway."

"Don't forget a chest X-ray," I add as the two of us worked together.

"Elsa, take Will here to Trauma 2," Crockett instructed.

"No. I'm staying with Natalie," Will argued.

"You're a mess, Will, come on," Crockett requested.

"I'm staying!" Will insisted.

"Will, you need to get looked at, and standing there is not going to help Natalie. I will find you when we have an update," I tell him. Will hesitated, but nodded and allowed Elsa to bring him into the next room.

A Few Hours Later...

I was standing at the nurses' station in the ICU doing some charts, but it was getting hard to keep my eyes open. Usually I could get through a double shift with almost no problem, but today, between Natalie's injury and the huge caseload I had, I was tired out. However, an argument from one of the patient rooms woke me up a bit. I rushed towards where the shouting came from and realized that it was coming from Natalie's room, where Will and Phillip were quarrelling. Crockett appeared behind me, but he allowed me to take the lead.

"Hey! You two can't be here. Natalie needs her rest, and we're only allowing family to visit right now. So both of you need to leave," I declare.

"Natalie and I are engaged," Phillip claimed. "So that would make me her family."

"What? Natalie never mentioned you proposing," I retort.

Phillip nodded towards Natalie's unconscious body. "See for yourself." I glanced over at Natalie's hand, and there, sitting on her finger, was an engagement ring.

"Crockett, could you take Will outside?" I ask.

"Sure thing," Crockett replied and led Will out of the room. As they left, I turned to Phillip and crossed my arms over my chest.

"What?" Phillip questioned.

"I didn't see that ring on her finger when she came into the ED, and I definitely would've noticed it. And if it was there, we would have removed it," I share.

Phillip scoffed. "Is this really any of your business?"

"As her doctor and her best friend, yeah, it is," I answer and glance at Phillip one more time before leaving the room. A few hours later, Natalie was finally awake, and as soon as Phillip was nowhere to be found, I entered her room.

"Hey, Nat," I greet her. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Natalie responded. "But uh, Dr. Marcel, he told me Phillip and I were engaged. I don't-I can't remember him proposing."

"Because I don't think he did," I exclaim. "Natalie, before your accident, you told me that you wanted to be with Will. Do you remember that?"

Natalie thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah. I remember that. You have to help me, Y/n. I need to talk to Will, but if Phillip sees..."

"Don't worry. I've got you," I assure her. "Phillip just went to the cafeteria to eat lunch, so he should be gone for at least 15 minutes. I'll get Will in here so that you guys can talk."

"Thank you," Natalie mumbled. I gave her a small smile and left the room, paging Will to my location. A minute or two later, Will appeared by the nurses' station.

"Hey. I got your page. What's up?" Will quizzed.

"Natalie is awake," I tell him. "But before you go in there, there's something you need to know. Right before the accident, Natalie and I were talking, and she told me that she wanted to get back together with you. Phillip lied about the engagement. He put that ring on her finger when she was unconscious. So just go in there and make everything right. Natalie is my best friend, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power to make her happy."

"All right. Thank you, Y/n," Will spoke. "For everything."

I smiled. "No problem. Now, go in there and get Natalie back. It's about time the two of you got back together."

-----------------------------------

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[faunrasthewinterelf]

Calm After the Storm Pt.2

And So it Begins

I’m actually excited for this? like I’m so nervous, but here we go! here's roughly 4047 words that ive written and agonized over for you Maribat lovers!

please let me know what you guys think!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marinette Cheng meets Richard (Dick) Grayson at the start of the tour of Wayne Enterprises. She’s outside, leaning against the tall form of Chloe Bourgeois, her best friend who had shot up like a damn weed in the past year, and trying her best to stay awake. While everyone else in the class had gotten to adjust to the time zone change, Marinette and Madame Bustier had gone over to the Martha Wayne Foundation building to settle the scheduling and award intricacies. She had also seen a photo of her biological paternal grandparents for the first time, which had been nice.

But today. Today was tiring and it wasn’t even 8:30 yet. It was cold, which isn't helping her attempts at staying awake, even though she had on a newer, thicker outfit, bundled up tight to ward off the cold that was seeping into her bones and irritating her side. Damn Ladybug Effects

Marinette was trying her hardest to leech the warmth from Chloe while the two waited for Lila ‘Oh, my ankle hurts, I must have twisted it!’ Rossi to limp her way off the bus. The rest of the class and Madame Bustier were all behind the liar. Which meant Marinette was in the cold, and THAT was commonly known as a bad idea at this point. Chloe was huffing as she kept an arm wrapped around Marinette’s looking ready to murder Lila. Listening to the Italian girls lies was a staple for their lives at this point, and Marinette couldn't help a sarcastic,

“And so it begins.”

Chloe snorted at that, wrapping her arm around her tiny friend’s shoulders, rubbing her back, before the blonde snarled at another shiver from Marinette, and just dragged the poor girl inside to wait. 

Getting inside is a blessing, and as the warmth hits Marinette, she lifts her face away from where it was squished against Chloe’s arm to keep her nose warm. 

Almost immediately, Marinette is digging through her bag for her small sketchbook to start jotting down ideas from the lobby alone. Chloe, on the other hand, starts fishing out the NDA’s the class had signed that morning from Marinette’s bag, and begins flipping through them to make sure that everyone’s was accounted for. The two girls settle into the couches by the entrance waiting for the rest of the class.

After a couple minutes, Lila walks through the door, (wow, her ankle is already better!), and smiles around at her surroundings, looking as if she just walked into a loved home rather than a building she’s never been to. Her eyes light up as she smirks, before turning to her loyal followers friends, and though Chloe and Marinette can’t hear what she’s saying, they can imagine.

Madame Bustier frowns at the two girls on the seats to the side as she approaches the front desk, but is quickly distracted by the secretary as the two begin discussing the tour, and its itinerary. Lila and her group have navigated to the other side of the lobby, away from Marinette and her friends, thankfully, but are talking loudly, interrupting people as they enter the building. From the corner of her eye, Marinette can practically see Adrien frowning in hers and Chloe's direction, can practically feel his disapproval.

Just as she is finishing shading in a particularly pretty flower in a planter, one of the elevators to her right dings. A rather tall man steps out, straightening his tie, a clipboard tucked under his arm. He looks to be roughly 6’2 and is dressed in a white button down tucked into plain black slacks, with a nice pair of black shoes. He glances over at their loud wayward class before spotting Madame Bustier and heading over to the secretaries desk to join her. Marinette nudged her friend, who looked up from the NDA’s, adjusting the Miraculous on her head as she looked up.

“Looks like the tour is starting soon,” the bluenette is already standing, slipping her coat off to drape over her bag. Chloe eyes their classmates, as if debating whether or not they actually would be starting soon and if it was worth standing up, before sighing and giving in, getting to her feet.

“Then let’s go give Madame Bustier her paperwork, she seems a bit frazzled about it missing.” and indeed she did. Their red headed teacher was shifting through her bag at a frantic rate, clearly worried about something. Marinette shook her head. Madame Bustier had asked Marinette to collect the files for her, she should remember that her class representative had them. The teacher had been foisting a lot of responsibility on Marinette this trip. Already, Chloe had to step in and help her unpack her bags after Madame Bustier had sent Marinette to sort out the rooms of the hotel, and then dragged her to the MWF Building as soon as the small class rep had handed out the room keys to everyone else, and had helped with the NDA’s earlier that morning.

Marinette took the file folder from Chloe as they walked over and she waited patiently beside her panicking teacher for a moment, before clearing her throat to catch Madame Bustier’s attention, holding out the folder for her to take.

“Oh, Marinette, thank you, I thought I had these with me!” Madame Bustier then spun around, handing over the folder, without checking inside, to the gentleman who had to be their tour guide. “Here you are Mr. Grayson, all the NDA’s, as requested! I must have left them on the table this morning!” she gave a charming smile before turning again, and hurrying over to the rest of her class to get everyone else's attention, leaving Chloe and Marinette with the tour guide.

As their teachers' voice rang out over her classmates, Marinette and Chloe shared a look between them. Chloe sighed as she followed after their teacher, and Marinette turned to the man beside her.

“Bonjour, my name is Marinette Cheng, are you the tour guide for today Monsieur…?” she smiled as she held out her hand which was quickly enveloped by his much bigger one,

“Richard Grayson Ms. Cheng! A pleasure to meet you, you’re the one who wrote the winning essay for the Martha Wayne Foundation right? Me and my family all read it! And yes, I am the tour guide today, we’re just waiting on your visitor badges, and then we’ll be on our way!” Richard’s smile was nearly overwhelming, the amount of words coming from him more so, but that wasn’t what had caused Marinette to freeze.

She hadn’t looked at any photos of the Wayne family since she heard about Cassandra Cain-Wayne’s adoption. Sure, she knew what they looked like, but that had been several years ago. Marinette hadn’t anticipated meeting her oldest adopted sibling so soon.

It was weird to talk with her brother Richard, without him knowing they were technically siblings. She shook the feelings off quickly, (years of an emotional terrorist did wonders for emotional control apparently) and allowed her smile to grow wider.

“Thank you Mr. Grayson! I hadn’t had much to do at the time, and the MWF scholarship to GU was worth the late nights! I’m flattered that you and your family liked it so much.” a box full of visitor IDs and lanyards were placed in front of them, and Marinette shot the receptionist, Ms. Keanes, a quick “Thank you!” before carrying them over to the class.

Chloe looked about ready for a nap as she watched over her class, all of them whispering to each other as Madame Bustier went over rules for the Tour. The red head seemed to be willfully ignorant of her class not listening as she spoke, and just smiled at Mr. Grayson as he and Marinette approached. Marinette shook her head as she began handing out the IDs, quick to snag hers and Chloe’s first, slipping both around her neck for the time being as Mr. Grayson began speaking.

She had to admit, her brother Richard seemed determined to give her class the best tour he could. He had notes and anecdotes on that clipboard of his, and he knew how to use them to get attention. Unfortunately, he just wasn’t as captivating as Lila, who had begun to spin another tale of ‘Oh, yes, I spent so much time in Gotham when i was younger that I’m practically a Gothamite! There’s this amazing restaurant nearby, we should go there for dinner tonight!’

By the time lunch rolled around and Richard had gotten the class into the cafeteria, he seemed to have lost most of his determination. Most of the class pushed past him, not even listening to his explanation about the Cafeteria, and his shoulders slumped as he stared after them. Marinette, who had been taking notes about as much as she could, felt a bit guilty for how he was being treated. Chloe had pulled out her tablet about a half hour into the tour and began working on MDC Business, and while Marinette knew Chloe had been listening, she had been focused on her work. 

“Mr. Grayson? I’m sorry for my class’s behavior, they’re just, excited, to be in Gotham and haven’t quite gotten it out of their systems yet.” Marinette reached out to tap him on the arm as she spoke, gently prodding him until he looked at her. She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

“I enjoyed the tour, there’s so much to learn, and I can’t wait to go to other floors after lunch! I’ve already jotted down several ideas in my sketchbook, so thank you!”

Richard smiled at her in thanks, eyes brightening a bit as he nodded at her, before fishing out his phone and turning away.

Marinette quickly linked arms with Chloe before walking into the large room, as she only needed space for her and Chloe, who had saved whatever proposal she had been going over as they searched. Once they found a good spot they went and joined the line for food. A few tables down from their spot, the class, who were back to loudly talking to each other and squealing about Lila’s ‘childhood sweetheart, I might be able to see him again! he took me to that restaurant I mentioned earlier as a date actually!’, and were all ignoring the looks that WE employee’s were shooting at them. Madame Bustier all but collapsed on a table for herself, and put in earbuds as she ate.

Marinette shook her head as she and Chloe walked past, getting into line for the small buffet style lunch available. Other employee’s were also entering the room, and while they did have an hour and half lunch, Marinette didn't want to wait too long and have to eat quickly. By the time the girls got their food of choice and sat down at the table they had spotted earlier, the line was quite long, and the rest of the class were at the end of it. They had a long wait.

Lunch passed in quiet, and for the most part she and Chloe just worked. Marinette on a commission Uncle Jagged had requested, one inspired by his hometown, and Chloe back to whatever she had been working on before. It was only interrupted by Mr. Richard Grayson asking to sit with them. He was picking at his food more than eating it, staring with furrowed brows at Madame Bustier and the rowdy class (It was an hour in and most of them had only just gotten food) 

“Madame Bustier is of the opinion that they’ll settle down after today.” Her voice seemed to almost startle Richard, but he just turned to look at her, more confused as he asked,

“What? But, your class-”

“Bustier is next to useless when it comes to interventions. She probably won’t do anything about their behavior for a couple more days.” Chloe didn’t even look up from her work as she interrupted Richard, her scorn clear.

“Chloe” 

“What, M? It’s true and you know it! She’s treating this more like a vacation than a class trip.” This time the blonde glances over at the teacher, who still had her earbuds in. “She’s not even watching her class! She hasn’t looked up from her Audio Book since she sat down, Mari. I know we're all legal adults and graduated at this point, but it's still a school trip, not a celebration over Hawkmoth’s defeat! We're in one of the most dangerous cities in America, the least she could do is check that all her students are behaving.”

Before Marinette could respond, Richard cleared his throat, drawing their attention to him before he asking,

“Who’s Hawkmoth? What do you mean ‘celebrate his defeat?’ That makes him sound like a supervillain.”

Marinette and Chloe look at each other, before Marinette turns back to her brother the tour guide.

“That’s because he was Mr. Grayson. How didn't you know about him? He terrorized Paris for four years? Mayura, his accomplice helped for roughly three” 

Marinette knew it was due to a country wide media blackout and the French Government working with Paris’s governing body to suppress the news further to not put a damper on tourism, but surely something must have gotten out? After the JLE had decided to leave Hawkmoth to Ladybug and her team, she had figured they would at least issue a warning. Chloe chimes in with a tired voice, shoulders lowered and eyes blank,

“He would take control of someone and transform them into a monster using their own negative emotion, and in return, all they had to do was get the Ladybug’s earrings and the Black Cat’s ring. He did it by sending an Akuma, which is a corrupted butterfly, by the way, and they would possess an Item on the victim’s person. Ladybug and Chat Noir, and the others, had to locate and destroy the akumatized object so that Ladybug could purify it. There were normally 4 or 5 of them a week, though they got more frequent and powerful the month he was caught.”

“But, Thats- We would have known about it!” Richard seemed horrified, “The amount of damage that would have happened? Surely something would have gotten out!”

Marinette shook her head. “That's the thing Mr. Grayson, part of Ladybug’s powers, was that she could summon something she needed for the fight. When it was over, she could use her ‘Lucky Charm’ as it's called, to reset all the damage done by the akuma. The buildings got fixed, injuries healed, and many people who were killed were brought back.” She shared a small smile with Chloe,

“Hawkmoth was defeated earlier this year, just after school started. The Miracle Court took back his and his accomplices Miraculous, and both were placed into custody. Last I’d heard, Gabriel Agreste, Hawkmoth was given several life sentences, and Nathalie Sanceour, Mayura was in a high security medical facility for the damage her illness had done. The Court is staying active in Paris for the remainder of the year, but after, the JLE has asked them to either step down or leave Europe. They haven’t announced what they're going to do yet after the year is over.”

Before he could question the girls further, looking rather sour at something, Chloe’s phone alarm went off, meaning they had 10 minutes to clean up. Marinette quickly fished her phone out of her bag, and opened up the BugOut blog. Tilting her screen so Richard could see, she explained as best she could about it as Chloe cleaned up the table.

“This is the official Blog that was dedicated to Ladybug and her efforts. There's another one called the Ladyblog, but it's not the best anymore. Ladybug endorsed that blog for it’s professionalism and writing. It’s not active much anymore, but it’s got a good archive of everything, if you’re curious.”

He had opened his mouth to ask more questions, but then he froze. Marinette had flipped to a photo that showed a comparison of the Teams, and his eyes zeroed in on it. One shot of the current Court of Miracles, Ladybug, Testudo, Byakko, and Cheval Joli, one shot from two years ago with Ladybug, Chat Noir, Rena Rogue, Carapace, and Queen Bee, and finally, one shot from the very beginning, of Ladybug and Chat Noir stood awkwardly in frame.

Marinette shook her head,

“Ladybug and Chat Noir were the first, they were somewhere around 13 or 14 when they started.”

Marinette left him after that. She had garbage to sort out and a plate to return. The two girls waited at the same entrance they came in from, seated on the couches by the door, watching as the class got up at 3:00 on the dot, and left their plates stacked on top of the garbage cans like they were in a fast food place, not a famous Enterprises cafeteria. Madame Bustier and Mr. Grayson joined them shortly after, Mr. Grayson rubbing at his forehead as he walked up.

The second half of the Tour seemed to stretch on for a while. Marinette’s side was beginning to go taught, and she could already tell that a massage and some painkillers would be involved in tonight's bedtime routine. She almost regrets leaving Tikki in their hotel room, the little goddess always healed her in little bursts to help with the pain, but Tikki had been just as tired as Marinette this morning, and the cold was affecting the little Ladybug Kwami harder, so she had left Tikki bundled up near the heater for the day. Besides, Chloe had hers with her, and Akuma’s weren’t a thing they had to worry about. Marinette really hadn’t seen the harm in letting Tikki rest for the day.

While Mr. Grayson (Please, Ms. Cheng, just call me Dick, I promise it’s my nickname, and I honestly prefer it) was watching the rest of her class, he had given up trying to keep their attention, and was basically just speaking directly to Chloe and Marinette, both of whom were paying attention now. The Business and Legal areas were something of great interest to the girls, as they were working together to maintain MDC, Chloe with the business side, and Marinette with the creative side/designing. The class behind the two girls, still wrapped in their own little world, completely missed the looks they were still getting from employees as they passed by workstations and offices.

The only time Madame Bustier intervened was when Alya had a particularly loud outburst, all but shouting out a loud “WHAT?? GIRL YOUR DATING DAMI-” before getting cut off by a sharp “Alya!” from the teacher.

But Marinette hadn’t been paying attention to Lila, her side had escalated from tight to aching, and was now rubbing at her side as she walked, her notebook away and her arm linked with Chloe’s as she wrote, trying to focus more on what Dick was saying rather than the pain.

Of course, with how this bit of the tour was going, Dick had noticed. During a particularly ‘exciting’ bit in whatever lie Lila was spewing, he quietly approached the girls.

“Hey, what’s up Marinette, (then in that case, please, call me Marinette “or Mari” Or Mari, thank you Chloe) are you alright?” 

It was startling, to be honest. Beyond Chloe, no one really ever noticed when she was in pain. It took her a second to respond.

“Yes, it’s alright, just, an old wound. It gets bad when it’s cold, and I’ve been walking a lot today.”

His worried eyes scanned over her, seeing how tense she was and how her hand didn’t stop doing small circular motions around the left side of her waist, just below her ribs, He was frowning, and his body screamed concern.

“Do you need a break? There’s a break area on this floor.” His voice was soft as he spoke, but, even though she was tired, getting a break or special treatment now would mean dealing with Lila and Alya later, even if would help with the pain.

“I’m alright, besides, there's barely an hour left, and then we're getting on a bus back to the hotel, I’ll be fine,” Marinette smiled, (was this what its like to have a sibling?)

“And I already made her take some of the Advil she carries with her” comes from the tall blonde next to her. Dick looks at them both like her wants to argue, eyes tight, before he nods.

“If you’re sure.”

Apparently, they weren’t taking a bus back to the hotel. Lila had convinced Madame Bustier to cancel the ride, and let them go to a nearby restaurant for dinner. Which meant the class would be walking back after. Marinette closed her eyes, rubbing at her side firmly as she listened to Lila, Chloe beside her, hip jutted out and arms crossed.

“My Damiboo took me there for a dinner date, it’s where he confessed! Oh it was so romantic, I would love to go eat there again!” her simpering was painful, she was even holding her hand to her chest like she was going to faint, but her other arm was entwined around Adrien’s, and her current boyfriend looked more bored than anything as she described her ‘childhood sweetheart’ As usual, the class was eating it up.

“Oh, Lila! That sounds so romantic!” Rose had her head against Juleka’s shoulder, a dopey grin on her face as she imagined the two on a romantic dinner date.

Alya had turned to Nino with a quirked eyebrow and a sly smile, “Why haven’t you done that to me huh?” before turning towards Madame Bustier.

“Please, may we eat there? It’d make Lila so loved, and she says the food is great! Who better to show us the good places than an honorary Gothamite?” Madame Bustier had already been nodding, happy to appease her class.

“Of course we can, It's not a far walk from here at all!” The class excitedly began chatting, but before they could all set out, Chloe finally intervened.

“Madame Bustier, we’re not supposed to eat out on Mondays, shouldn’t we head back to the hotel?” her words were met with silence, and she was quiet a moment, before continuing,

“Besides, Marinette’s side is beginning to hurt, she nee-”

A loud snort comes from Alya, who rolls her eyes. She looks Marinette up and down, scowling before biting out,

“Please, like she needs, anything! I can’t believe you think she was actually hurt! Everyone knows that Marinette's a bully Chloe, she’s just jealous of Lila, and lying for attention.”

It had been 2 years since she and Alya had been friends, but it still hurt when her old best friend said things like that. When Lila had threatened to take all her friends, Marinette hadn’t believed her. But here she was, all her friends gone, and the only reason she had Chloe at all is because they hadn’t been friends until Lila had everyone else on her side. Marinette and Chloe had sat together at the back of the class, and they’re neutral ‘ill watch your stuff if you watch mine’ had eventually become ‘well now I'd die for you.’ It was nice, having a friend in class again.

Lila, never one to miss a chance, hiccupped loudly before wrapping her arms around herself.

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause trouble, I jus-just wanted to b-be reminded of my Damiboo! I Haven’t-t see-en him in so long!” By the end of it, she had full blown sobs going, and the class closed ranks around her, comforting her while glaring at Chloe and Marinette. Adrien was frowning at Marinette again, eyes almost furious as he glared, and Madame Bustier just sighed.

“Marinette, please, can’t you see Lila needs this? Can’t you take one of your Advil so that we can help Lila? Remember, All the Marinettes of the world?”

She sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head, before agreeing. Chloe beside her started to protest again, but stopped when Mari put a hand on her shoulder.

“Alright Madame Bustier.”

“Thank you girls! Alright, Lila!” Madame Bustier clapped her hands a couple times, catching the classes attention,

“We're going to the restaurant!, Lila, why don’t you lead the way? I’m sure it’s lovely!”

Marinette was sure it was going to be hell.

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PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THE TAG LIST DIDN’T WORK!

Now, anyone wanna guess what Miraculous Chloe has? I tried to give hints! or does anyone want to try guessing who Testudo, Cheval Joli, and Byakko are? both have already been Miraculous holders, and the names will be expanded on!

If any one has any questions I’ll elaborate with as little spoilers as possible, Thank you all so much for your encouraging words and kind comments!

TAGLIST: @ aestheticnpoetic @ kitsunebell @ superbwhispersconnoisseur @ thewitchwhowaited @ junarvion @ liawinchester67 @ woe-is-me0 @ dorkus-minimus @ i-am-on-wattpad-2  @ atramentias @ togetherwekill @ ramos123 @ anjuschiffer @ thecc11andme @ poodapup @ mochegato @too0bsessedformyowngood

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Wonderwall-part 2

Summary: Y/n find out something that changes the course of her relationship and life forever.

Pairing: tony stark x reader x bucky barnes

Warnings: angst and angst and angst, panic attack, swearing, some bitter sweet fluff,

note: I know its a weird change cause i went from she/her to you and stuff but i like writing you more than her so here we are pfft also i mention civil war but this story doesn't fit in the timeline it just fit for the scenario.

Wonderwall masterlist

You and tony sat on the ship with IVs being stuck into you. bucky sat next to you “hey... wanna talk about it? he ask softly. you shake your head. “not now not yet” you say with tears falling down your face. you had cheated on him. you cheated on the love of your life the person you'd been with for 3 years. Not only that but with someone who has tried to kill bucky on multiple occasions. Tony moved next to you. “Hey...” he said with a sigh. “Promise me we will never ever tell them about this” you say with a panic. he nods frantically. “that's exactly what i was going to say.” and with that you two spent the rest of the time in silence.

You sat in your room. It was 4 days after you got back. you felt weird and had been getting sick for the past few days. The others assumed it was due to your body still adjusting to being on land with consistent water and food. but you had other ideas as to why this could be happening.

Your hands shook as you paced the room. “fuck fuck fuck ok it'll be ok” you said to yourself. you walked into the bathroom and opened the pregnancy test box. panic was all you felt as you took it. you set a timer and walked back to your room. you continued to pace. what would you do if you were pregnant. what would you tell buck? what would you tell tony?! you two promised not to tell anyone. the timer went off. you put your head into your hands. “ok its probably negative i mean what are the chances” you say walking back to the bathroom. you heart was going at a pace that was scary. your whole body was shaking. you grab the test and flip it over.

positive.

you stared at the 2 lines. you felt tears fall down your face and your breathing become rapid. a panic attack that's what this was. you fell to the ground as your breathing became uneven. “no no no no no” you say getting louder. you curl up and feel your whole body shake. you try desperately to grab for every breath but its like inhaling nothing. you start to cough from lack of oxygen and tears. snot ran down your face. you grab onto your hair and scream into your legs. the door immediately opens and bucky rushes to your side. 

“hey its ok im here” he says putting his hand on your shoulder. “count with me ok” he says. you barely hear him it's like being underwater but you nod with what strength you have. “ now 1″ he says. “1″ you reply dryly your throat is dry and your lungs feel empty.

you two count to 10 slowly. you gradually catch your breath. the shaking stops and you feel more exhausted than ever. he pulls you close. “wanna talk about it?” he ask kindly. you look down seeing the pregnancy test and bucky sees it too. he grabs it and turns it over. his breathing gets deeper and he stands up. he walks back and forth and nods. “tony?” he ask with an angered tone. you nod. his nodding and pacing gets faster. 

he walks out the room. you stand up quickly and chase after him. “buck bucky don't” you say quickly seeing him walk towards the one door that would fuck up everything. he nods hard and fast. You feel the tears fall faster and faster. “bucky stop it!” you yell at him. Tony opens the door and immediately is met with a metal fist. “fuck!” tony says holding his nose. Bucky pushes him again which shoves tony down. bucky get on top and keeps hitting him. “bucky! stop!” you say going towards him you try to just pull him but that does nothing.ok next plan. you grab his shoulders “Stop!” you say using your powers. 

you keep pulling him and he does stop. he falls back into your lap. “you promised me you'd never use your powers on me” he says looking up at you. “i'm sorry buck” you say tears falling still. his head falls back onto your stomach. tony looks up at you his face bloody and beat. the metal fist definitely did not help. he looks at you confused. “im pregnant” you say to him. you see his eyes widen. “wha-what” he says shaking his head. 

“shes fucking pregnant with your damn child” bucky says trying to pull out of your arms. you panic and hold him with all your strength. “sleep” you say feeling him go limp in your arms. tony just blinks looking down at the floor. “your....” he says trailing off. his breathing gets deeper.

Doors open in the hall. natasha is the first to come out then steve. Bruce slowly emerges. Wanda and vision come out in a worry. Clint is the last to come out hes geared up ready for a fight. “what's going on?” nat asks. they see tony and bucky's bloody fist. “I thought we were past this?” steve ask in a panic. you look up at wanda and natasha. 

Steve takes bucky away from your lap and takes him to the main room and lays him on the couch. You stand up with natasha and wanda's help. vision,clint, and bruce still look concerned but less worried. “anyone gonna tell us what happened?” clint ask.  

Bruce hands tony a rag to put on his possibly broken nose. “uh let's go sit on the couch.”  wanda says leading you to the main room. bruce helps tony to the couch. “I should...” you say nodding to bucky. They nod as you slowly go to him. you put your hands softly on his head. “wake” you say and immediately bucky shoots up angry and tears edging his eyes.

“buck buck hey calm” steve says grabbing bucky's shoulders. Buck stares at steve angrily. “sooo?” clint ask sitting on the couch. nat and wanda sat down too. you were in front of all of them. “tony and I spent a month and a half up there.” you start off. everyone sits up more. neither you or tony had spoken of your time up there sense yalls return. 

“We saw no end and I was about to have a meet and greet with death himself. Tony was giving up his food and water to keep me going” you say looking down messing with your hands. “I don't understand why this led to bucky beating she shit out of tony.” Clint ask. “let her finish” steve said. “We got closer than ever and had agreed that there was no chance at us returning. We were desperate to stop the pain to just be with someone be cared for before the end. We slept together.” you state. bucky's breathing gets more rapid and his hands form fist. everyone starts to yell at tony natasha tried to silence it which only made her a target.

“Shut up!” you say yelling at them. They look at you surprised. “shut up before we end up with another battle and let me fucking finish what the hell i'm saying before attacking tony which by the way it takes two to tango so shut up please.” you say looking at the floor hands making fist. everyone turns to you and shuts up even bucky and tony.

“Now I am pregnant with tony child. Now before you all start yelling and attacking tony just try to understand the situation.” you say. “Understand the situation?!” bucky yells. steve tries to calm him. “no no just no ok. He mmm he saw her vulnerability and used it!” bucky says standing up and pointing at tony.

“Buck no that's not it he didn't do that. I saw a world without you with no one except me and tony on that stupid ship dying slowly and mercilessly.” you say feeling tears falling again. natasha stood up and walked to you. “I know your pissed as hell at tony and at y/n but right now” she points at tony “you are going to be a father” and she points at bucky “and if you stay, which i think you should, are going to be a step father so let's just try to deal with that right now.”

Natasha held you by her side. Bruce stood up “I’ll help it whatever way I can.” he said. “me too” clint said standing. “I will too” vision said standing. Wanda stood “You always got me.” she said with a small smile. steve looked at bucky then tony and then you. He sighed and stood up “you got me too” he said with a nod. 

you swallow “thank you all of you” you say softly then look to tony and bucky. “You definitely have me i'm not going to bail on my child just because its a complicated situation.” tony said standing up. bucky let a soft growl out. “buck?” you ask hesitantly. He looks up at you and shakes his head. He walks off and soon yall hear a door slam.

You dropped your head. “Give him time” nat whispered to you. you nod. she nods to steve and steve nods and walks after bucky. natasha takes you to your room nodding to tony who nods back and walks to the kitchen. sittin on your bed you look down at your stomach. there's a person in there well soon they'll be. nat sat next to you “how're you feeling?” she ask. “I don't know...Im going to have a child and it's not the child of who i always pictured it as. I broke the love of my life's heart and broke tony and I’s promise.”

“bucky just needs time is all steve is talking to him and i'm sure tony understands that you couldn't keep it a secret you two made that promise when you didn't know you were pregnant and don't worry you have all of us here to help and protect you.” nat said. “I’m an avenger...I had a father who used me as a testing subject and gave me powers i couldn't control till i was 17 how am i supposed to be a parent? Their father is a billionaire who is ready to die at any shot and their possible step father was born in 1917 and was brainwashed to be a murderer.” you spew out.

“you'll be ok we are all broken and a mess but together we can raise this child. I promise. We will figure it out” she says rubbing your arm. The door opens and in comes tony with a glass of water. “figured you could use this” he says walking towards you. nat looks at you and you nod. she stands up and walks out. 

Tony sits next to you. “i'm sorry” you say immediately scared of tony being angry. “no no don't apologize you had to say something its not like you could just avoid questions when your stomach grows.” he says with a chuckle. “y/n i want you to know i am going to be the best damn father i can be and if you and bucky stay together...because you and bucky will stay together i know he will have a huge role in that child's life and i'm so glad they get 3 parents who love them more than anything in this world. I will protect the with my life I will not die for them. I will live for them.” 

“Tony...” is all you can get out through choked sobs. you hug him holding him close. “thank you” you say pulling away “what about pepper?” you ask concerned. “I’ll tell her just need to let this” he moves his hand to the room “settle before any more people get mad” he says. the door slowly opens and an exhausted, messy haired, red eyed, wrapped hand, bucky opens the door. upon seeing tony he sighs.

“can I speak to her alone?” he says with no emotion. tony nods and walks past bucky out of the room. tony closes the door behind him and walks towards the bed.

he sits next to you and sighs. “buck-” you starts but he cuts you off “don't....let me speak” he says. “I am pissed as hell at you dont get me wrong...but i understand...you didn't see a possibility as being back here all you saw was death. I will be the best step father i can and the best boyfriend i can be. I am far from forgiving you but I still love you and I don't want us to end and this child is amazing news even if they aren't mine. I will be as much of a father to this kid as I can be and I will raise them as my own. I'm here for the long run.” he says looking at you. you smile and hug him. “I love you too bucky...thank you” you say. 

This journey was far from over but for now the world felt damn good. This kid would have 3 parents who love them more than anything or anyone in this world.