#ive seriously become like. intensely obsessive

[electricpurrs]

sorry if im posting too much. i always feel like im posting too much nowadays but idk what to do with this feeling. im probably just online too much (because again i have nowhere else to go) but then i just developed this bizarrely debilitating anxiety that i post too much and i have some kind of Limit that i need to stay under of how many posts im allowed to make a day or otherwise everybody will unfollow me and block me and hate me because im Annoying and i KNOW its just paranoia but it still makes me anxious every single time i press reblog and makes me obsessively analyze how many posts ive made every day before "allowing" myself to post again

[desdecourse]

breaking down the "Debunking Sysmeds" carrd (just for kicks 😍) part 1!!

was sent this carrd by a friend and it's been a while since i've interacted with endo logic so here we go! <3 let's break it down section by section because whew girlie is chock full of bonkers misinformation! henceforth, i will be referring to the person who made the carrd as the "creator" and using they/them pronouns, as i do not know their pronouns (please let me know if anyone does!).

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THE "CLAIMS AND REBUTTALS"

if y'all don't stop using 20 different fallacies in your arguments... it'll be all over for you... seriously!

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the first point the creator tries to rebuff is the argument of "DID/OSDD-1 is a trauma disorder." starting off strong, i see! their response is essentially that nowhere in the diagnostic criteria within the DSM-V or ICD-11 does it say that DID/OSDD requires trauma. immediately going to stop you there - it may be to the creator's benefit to read any other page of the DSM. the third sentence on the intro page for trauma-related disorders is:

"Placement of this chapter reflects the close relationship between these diagnoses and disorders in the surrounding chapters on anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive and related disorders, and dissociative disorders"

additionally, had the creator read the ENTIRE DID entry, not just the diagnostic criteria, they would have found this lovely quote, found in the "development and course" section of the DID entry:

Dissociative identity disorder is associated with overwhelming experiences, traumatic events, and/or abuse occurring in childhood.

within this section, the creator also discusses an article written by allen j frances, the person responsible for the changing of MPD to DID, in which he discusses the abundance of false diagnoses of DID following the recognition of it as a disorder after the release of the DSM-IV in 1994. firstly, the creator of the carrd incorrectly stipulates that frances renamed MPD to DID in the DSM-V. secondly, the creator uses frances' criticism of increased DID diagnoses to demonstrate that the diagnostic criteria isn't to be trusted.

what.

so, to reiterate, we should trust the DSM-V when it doesn't emphasize trauma in the diagnoses (false), but we also shouldn't trust the DSM-V because of an article written by someone who had nothing to do with the DSM-V?

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the second point the creator decides to rebut is "Science says Endogenic systems don't exist." now, much of this argument is rooted in a few "studies" the creator has linked, which i will analyze more in a separate section reserved specifically for source analysis. but! one really interesting part of this section is the comparison between endogenics (an internet community and internet term) to "marginalized religions such as Shamanism" which is a direct quote.

something i really need endos on the internet to understand is that you can't compare your just-realized "system" of non-traumatic origins to the spiritual practices of highly religious individuals who have been practicing their religions for decades, engaging in extreme asceticism, and doing really intense internal reflection. and you especially shouldn't throw in words like "marginalized" to your argument. at what point does that become cultural appropriation?

i also find it soooo interesting that the creator refers to the otherkin and alterhuman communities as something that has "existed long before the term DID/MPD/OSDD-1/DDNOS." the first recorded use of "otherkin" was in 1990 in a newsletter from an elf club in kentucky, and it has been predominantly an online community. the concept of DID (MPD at the time) first appeared in the DSM-III in the 1970s.

the creator also refers to endogenic systems as something people "believe" in, which is... questionable in it's own right. it is interesting that they brought this point up in the section in which they are trying to combat the idea that science does not back up endogenic systems, as religious beliefs (with no proof, something that people simply "believe" in) and science (which is backed up by decades of research) aren't exactly comparable.

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the third point rebutted is the statement "You're not a system, you're schizophrenic/psychotic." honestly, not a big issue with this one. i've never heard anyone say this personally, but i can totally see it happening, and it definitely shouldn't be done. no one can really tell you what you're experiencing, so i take no issue with the creator on this one! i don't think this at all supports the existence endogenics, though.

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i don't want to make this too long, so i'm going to write out the remainder of the points on a part 2!

[manofthepipis]

Also so so sorry for writing for so long and clogging your askbox (I’m literally so obsessed with your story) :’) but there’s one more thing that I wanted to add, and that’s the relationship between Clicks and Spam. Like hooo Boy, Theres a lot to be said about those two. One thing that Ive noticed with Clicks and Spamton respectively is how… similar they are. Like, even the other Addisons make remarks on how those two behave like one another. “It was one of the things Clicks and him shared. The most impractical way to handle practical problems.” I think that this is why Clicks has such a strong resentment to Spamton in the beginning because he sees too much of himself in Spam. Maybe he might have felt the most hurt by Spamton’s abandonment. Like, maybe they were really close pre-bigshot era and Clicks just thought that Spamton was becoming too self centered or something? Or maybe it was like the typical why not me mentality? I honestly think that if Clicks and Spam want to have a better development with one another. They need to have a heart to heart y’know? Like with no one else present. Clicks having the chance to express all of his emotions, and Spamton having the chance to tell him that his life in the mansion wasn’t a bed of roses like Clicks initially thought. Like, these two need a therapy session together or something!!!! Love them tho!!

cries never ever apologize ur completely fine!! honestly i love the questions and such it makes me feel so validated as a writer ;v; (also super enthusiastic as i get a lil excuse to talk about these guys that i love so)

also i'm living for this analysis like i'm rlly glad i could get their similarity across :D I feel like the fact they're both addisons (or in spams case, former addison), clicks would understand how self-centered spamton is, as selfishness just kinda runs in their darkner type (makes for the best salesmen) but instead i think you've rlly hit the nail on the head when u brought up his 'why not me' mentality.

Like in addition to stemming from how hostile he was to spamton in-game, I tried to paint him as just feeling superior to spamton from day one. I thought it would fit better if he was a newer addison, and seeing both banner and survey excelling above the addison that's trying to still gain a semblance of respect in their group, clicks joined the winning side of not really taking spamton seriously and just seeing him as "that guy". so when the insufficient-email-addison finally surpasses them, it leads to the intense jealousy and resentment when spamton made it big.

tho now clicks is coming down from this superiority pedestal he's been on for so long, partially because he truly cares about spamton, but also, because they're so similar, and because he's still kinda selfish, he's thinking instead of "why not me" it's "oh shit THAT could have been me".

i do plan to have them talk, bc i think out of all the addisons, clicks would benefit the most from a one-on-one :) i have all of them talking next chapter that's super duper late bc of life but if everything works out, I'll have it up sometime soon!

[sweetmastermind]

https://sweetmastermind.tumblr.com/post/706289515167399936/do-you-think-wonyoung-ive-will-proved-herself-more

The procedures thing is really sad, most of her fans really try to make her feel better about her procedures saying "wow I really need to know where she got them", I am glad they are just fans trying to make their idol feel better and not people who actually mean it (bc it would be sad if they were actually thinking about getting those procedures, considering her fandom is all teen girls who are around her same age), her face will have problems with aging correctly when she hits her mid 20s bc of all the work she got done, many people would think I am hater but it is just the sad truth for her future, and I hope that after seeing her career people understand why we dont like minors debuting(I seriously side eye Wonyoung's parents too), I dont really see any passion in Wonyoung to be an entertainer, and I get why, she never dreamed about becoming a celebrity, debuted at a young age and exprienced lots of traumas and she is under a shitty company, so I kind of get why may not have motivation to improve her skills despite the criticism she always got, also her fandom is very toxic, her fandom are those genz teens girls who are obsessed with relatability, they want to see other people their age being massively successful and doing fun things and wearing pretty clothes because that way they can project onto them, and that feeds the parasocial relationships even more to get inclined to stan as hard, but then when someone tells them about the not so cool sides of their lives they go like "you are just jealous of someone young and successful", like if they had personally attacked, she used to talk about wanting to be a normal person who studies for a job, so I hope she can that after she is finally free.

The thing about plastic surgery (invasive and non-invasive procedures) is the maintenance to keep it up (in the industry) and after a certain time the change in the beauty standard that, unfortunately, is set on these idols

Im not going to deny that the world works in favor of being young and pretty, and some changes might be a you thing, but i have seen so many ex-idols and people from the industry give statements about the constant "suggestions" other people give kids about their appearance and is sad that they are not considered enough

4th gen stans, the hardcore, and intense ones are all for the projecting and if you don't share the same view or show concern you are instantly cataloged as a hater. Her fans are not the worst but I can understand in a way where they are coming from, considering the amount of hate Wonyoung gets for simply existing

I don't know if she likes her career or any other job because she is extremely controlled by the company and barely has time to sleep, i think we need to see what she decides to do when she has more time and it would be fairer to give a "judgment" in that case and not now that she barely has input in her schedule

[celestialpotat0]

Return to Climbing

the pics in these posts are an amalgamation of a few random times in the past and not from the specific events described in the text (bc i dont have any pics from those times) lol. im planning on incorporating photos in most of my posts going forward because i like having a visual to accompany the large blocks of text on this page.

When I moved to the bay, i realized that out of my many different interests maybe it would be more rewarding to invest more time into only 1 interest and sacrifice the rest.

the last time i had gone climbing in socal, i unexpectedly fell from near the top while bouldering, was in shock on the way down. it scared me to know i could have landed badly and hurt myself very seriously. i felt lucky and aware i definitely could've hurt myself worse.

that didn't make me want to stop climbing, but it was one consideration that influenced me to decide that i will devote more of my limited time to dance instead of climbing. i dont want to hurt people who love me, because realistically, climbing puts one's safety at risk. so i reunited with my love of dance and performed dance again in a few shows, opportunities for which i feel so grateful.

but earlier this month I finally put on my climbing shoes and chalk bag that had been collecting dust in the Bay Area when i sacrificed climbing for dance. i returned to climbing and i dont think i will ever be able to part with climbing, the same way i wont be able to ever stop dancing either. i love being on the rocks secluded away from and above the rest of the world. you leave it all behind and all you have is the breeze, the hard rock making your hands calloused, and good company. the noise from the world below is faint at best. when you're back on the ground after a climb, you sit down on the dirt or nearby rocks to give your feet a break from painfully tight climbing shoes. trying to have your muscles rest and recover as fast as they can for another intense attempt.

when hiking and surrounded by wilderness, im looking at the big picture. you dont have to think to walk, so you observe all of your surroundings. when on the rock and surrounded by nature, youre entirely focused on holding yourself up and fighting against gravity, clinging to the wall and gripping with all of your might. a stray thought could seriously risk your safety. a hike is relaxing, and a climb is intensely focused. feeling connected to our earth enhances both mental states.

my return to climbing was only indoor climbing, which is still so much fun as a method of training for outdoor climbing. it's easy to become obsessive over sending a route. i enjoy how it tests my mental and physical willpower. sometimes i start to doubt whether i'll send, my muscles are shaking, i don't know if my grip is going to fail me, but then when i fight for it and accomplish something difficult, it feels satisfying. i have a newfound fear of falling though since i returned to bouldering post-fall, so ive been more cautious, which undoubtedly hinders my explosiveness and willing to reach when i fatigue. trying to work on finding a balance between being aware of my physical limits and pushing the boundaries to advance my physical limits.

[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

So i have a hard time viewing humans as seperate from animals or even programs, myself included. Theres never been any divine spark of humanity that sets us apart that ive ever been able to see, and all that. we're just advanced in program terms, and heavily adapted in evolutionary terms. Once I heard that line of thought that 'if you could rewind time and play back the universe from the start, no matter how many times you played it, everything would be the same,' it was over for any concept of inherent guilt or evil for me, no matter how slow its death.

Detheo Ordeor does not have empathy. That's not to say he holds any ill will towards others of his species, he just doesn't feel it. He isn't stupid either. The trope of psychopath and sociopath to a slightly lesser extent is a caricature so intense that it feels wrong almost to the point of revulsion to seriously apply it to someone, thats why the medical field doesn't use it officially anymore. The social zietgeist latched on to this concept of a person who they heard 'does not feel empathy' and interpolated as someone who is inherently wrong, mean, base, evil. It gives an impregnable moral highground, to Other someone. No matter how bad you are, there is someone worse. Once you have the concept of a Bad Person and a Good Person, well... Its a way to protect the mind from the pain that comes with becoming better. The growing pains. It is a stunting method, and it enables-- encourages-- great cruelty.

Detheo Ordeor is a conservationist. He treats every minute animal in his care with exactly that, care. He grew up in a world that would at the drop of a hat let him do any kind of evil thing as long as it was hidden just out of sight through a guise of beneficence. That guise however was enough to steer him in the right direction. He took it to heart, he had yet learned the concept of false pretenses, so he took their word at face value. the idea that any living thing should be preserved, that loss of information was a vast error, that the small are beautiful, and that every species deserves dignity, all took root in him before he had the time to realize the truth of the ulterior motive, and when he learned of that truth, he was disgusted.

Detheo struggles with obsession. In his younger years he had romantic crushes who we would recognize as 'favorite persons.' By the time he was working for the empire's internal security division, his tendency towards obsessions was long since a beast he learned to divert, redirect, control, and harness.

Detheo has amazing self control. Formed like a callous. Chafing, Chafing, Chafing. Learned through trial and error and error and error.

By the time he was an adult he was in near total control.

And then he saw a small grub.

Perpep is psychic. She is a strong psychic, and suddenly the jabbing of his self against his calloused hands jabbed at a soft spot. A tender spot of so so thin skin it had never touched before.

Without the automation of instinct, Detheo learned the world like a learning neural network. He was not guided by preprogrammed functions, he guided himself. Because of this he understood so much more than his peers. He had to, he didnt have the luxury of that social instinct. He moves with grace but he is not graceful. He moves with grace because he is in his element. Detheo is clumsy, inarticulate, rehearsed. This line was not in the script. He was not supposed to feel this- intrusive outflowing of feeling. Like walking into a room and experiencing smell for the first time. And your first ever smell is perfume or decay or an onion, cut, held under the nose.

This uniquely limeblood sect of psionics functions as empathy bypassing body language bypassing mirror neurons bypassing empathy. What Detheo didn't have. An onion is a powerful smell, but you have smelled strong smells before, you know how to deal with them. You know how to avoid sensation, you know how to hold your breath. Swimming in ice cold water is easier when you know how to swim.

[fefairys]

quote from the homestuck books:

"So when we hear "play the rain," if we take it at face value as a story arc element the supposition is: Rose struggles internally with an impulse to destroy, to cheat, to take shortcuts, and must overcome these immature impulses, take her rain quest seriously, enjoy the magical yields of doing so, and release her inner greatness. Okay, that's the presumed arc, and importantly, Rose herself presumes it's her arc too. But let's flip the whole thing around: Rose falsely diagnoses her own arc, "rebels" against it with acts of teen vandalism, obsesses over the knowledge it yields, becomes "corrupted" by said knowledge, struggles with depression, and later, alcoholism, and feels like something is wrong. Like resisting the quest was a mistake, a rejection of her designated path for growth. The guilt of resisting the false quest is the struggle. Letting go of that guilt and all cerebral intensity surrounding it is the overcoming process Rose needs to go through. Her arc is literally her deliverance from what she falsely perceives as her own arc. Confused yet??? Well, she sure was." -Andrew Hussie

ive seen a lot of people criticize the whole thing where rose is like "sigh i have not a good character arc" and daves like "rose were people we dont have arcs" like the thing is she DOES have an arc, a pretty beautiful one at that, she just can't see it that way because she struggles so hard with the fake arc that the game gave her that she never completed!!

her 'play the rain' arc was a GAME CONSTRUCT!!! and her TRUE character arc was realizing that she wasn't going to listen to the game's bullshit about which direction she's supposed to grow as a person! she's going her own god dammned way because this is just a fucking game!!!

idk i just see a lot of people get frustrated with hussie for making dave say that “we’re just people we dont have character arcs” line, because ‘oh my god but they ARE characters and they’re a bad writer for trying to pretend that theyre not in order to justify not giving them actual, satisfying character arcs’ but like. yeah. they are characters and they do have character arcs, just not the ones the game thrust upon them.

 in fact, rose DOES have a good and satisfying character arc, it’s just not the one she thought she thought she was supposed to have. it’s not the one the game told her she was going to have, which is why she gets all fucked up about it and has all those struggles mentioned above.

[materialwoman]

❦  　*　  ❝　 𝐓𝐀𝐌𝐌𝐘   𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐑   +   𝐀   𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄 ,   FROM  EARLY  LIFE  TO  MODERN  TIMES .

▌     𝐀  𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄  𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄  𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆    key - points  of  tammy’s  life,  ranging  from  her  family  ties  and  professional  aspirations  to  her  involvement  with  crime.   it’s  a  rather  long  and  rambly  collection  of  thoughts,  so  sadly  i’ll  have  to  keep  most  of  it  under  a  read  more.   this  covers  all  of  the  main  arcs  i  write  on  this  blog  :

[    ♡    ]      arc  i   ,     youth   /   teen   /   young  adult  years

[    ♡    ]      arc  ii   ,     adult   /   pre  -  canon

[    ♡    ]      arc  iii   ,     adult   /   canon

[    ♡    ]      arc  iv   ,     adult   /   post  -  canon

▌    1974     -     birth  ,    

 december  16,  1974.  circa  7am.  tamasin  sinclair,  the  second  daughter  of  the  ferguson-sinclair  family,  is  born.  she’s  a  giggly  baby  girl,  but  often  cries  when  far  from  her  mother,  veronique.  her  favorite  people  to  be  around  are  her  big  sister,  olivia,  and  katherine,  her  grandmother.

▌    1980     -     age   six  ,    

 a  six  years  old  tammy  travels  overseas  for  the  first  time,  having  europe  as  a  destination.  she’s  taken  to  london,  for  a  fun  week  under  the  cares  of  her  favorite  grandmother,  while  her  father  attends  a  law  conference  in  the  city.  for  the  first  time,  she  sees  the  world  beyond  her  mother’s  eyes,  following  katherine  around  events,  fun  sleepover  nights  and  even  her  day-to-day  life  at  the  dance  academy’s  office    -    with  an  outrageous  amount  of  a  new  discovered  common  obsession:  british  vogue.

▌    1983     -     age  nine  ,    

 she’s  nine  years  old  when  her  younger  sister  is  born.  louisa  is  bubbly;  a  funny  little  child  that  amused  tammy  in  every  way.  olivia  and  herself  would  spend  hours  around  the  crib,  even  more  than  their  own  mother,  who  would  often  be  off  working  or  dealing  with  her  own  set  of  concerns.  the  sisters  would  take  care  of  lulu,  as  they  called  her,  whenever  they  could;  she  was  their  new  favorite  little  person.

▌    1990     -     age  sixteen  ,    

tammy  reaches  the  age  of  sixteen,  and  as  a  gift  from  her  other  grandmother,  virginie,  is  invited  to  spend  a  couple  of  weeks  with  her  in  paris.  the  woman,  a  strict  and  straightforward  art  curator,  has  no  doubts  a  young  lady  such  as  tamasin  could  use  a  little  time  with  her  to  learn  new  things  about  modern  womanhood.  the  visit  went  well,  although  tammy  did  spend  more  time  trying  to  convince  virginie  to  take  her  to  one  of  her  fancy  events  or  a  fashion  week  than  listening  to  her  grandma’s  teachings.  virginie  was  not  very  pleased.

 tammy’s  aunt,  uma  sinclair,  has  her  own  idea  of  a  gift  for  the  soon  to  be  young  woman  in  the  family    --    one  the  girl  would  enjoy  much  more,  as  well.  the  blond  ambition  world  tour  reaches  new  jersey,  the  closest  to  tammy’s  home.  she  hears  as  madonna  sings  about  love,  friendship,  fashion,  and  some  much  better  takes  on  modern  womanhood.  she  would  never  be  the  same.

▌    1992     -     age  eighteen  ,    

at  age  eighteen,  tamasin  graduates  from  high  school.  her  biggest  interests  during  the  previous  years  were  fashion,  creative  writing  and  the  influence  of  women  in  culture  and  society.  her  main  graduation  choices  were  psychology  and  journalism,  where  she  hoped  to  discuss  some  of  her  passions  through  the  gift  of  writing.    [  ...  ]   against  all  of  her  efforts,  tammy  has  no  support  from  her  parents  to  follow  any  of  her  careers  of  choice.  she’s  advised  (  although  practically  induced  )  to  follow  the  path  of  those  before  her,  and  very  much  like  her  parents  and  her  older  sister,  ends  up  enrolling  into  pre-law  school.  it  was  the  one  moment  when  tammy  got  the  closest  to  being  the  daughter  veronique  ever  dreamed  of  having.  

▌    1993     -     age  nineteen  ,    

 despite  veronique  and  laurent’s  attempts  to  keep  their  daughter  under  their  watch,  tamasin  decides  to  move  out  of  the  family  house  and  start  over,  this  time  making  things  her  way.  she  moves  into  an  apartment  in  the  big  city,  alongside  with  olivia,  and  no  longer  having  financial  support  from  her  parents,  starts  working  at  a  diner  in  new  york  city.  she  drops  out  of  pre-law  school  after  one  semester.

 as  louisa,  her  little  sister,  reaches  the  age  of  ten,  olivia  and  tamasin  notice  there’s  something  wrong.  the  little  girl  that  once  was  a  wild  spirit  started  to  seem  less  and  less  bright,  and  their  mother  seemed  to  be  the  reason  of  such  change.  they’ve  been  there  before:  they  knew  what  she  does.  tammy  goes  to  their  grandmother,  which  intervenes  and  asks  veronique  to  let  the  sisters  take  care  of  lulu  for  some  time.  she’d  be  constantly  helping  when  needed,  as  well,  while  veronique  took  some  time  to  take  care  of  herself.  although  not  content,  the  mother  agrees.  the  older  sisters  take  lulu  to  their  apartment  in  nyc,  and  keep  raising  a  strong,  bright  little  girl  for  the  next  many  years.  

 1993     -     1997  .     tamasin,  olivia  and  louisa  carry  a  light,  fun  day-to-day  life  in  their  apartment  in  nyc.  the  three  of  them  have  their  own  studies  and  personal  matters,  as  the  eldest  finishes  law  and  looks  forward  to  building  a  family  already,  tammy  studied  and  explored  her  ambition,  while  both  raised  a  much  more  hopeful  little  lulu.

▌    1994     -     age  twenty  ,    

 noticing  tammy’s  resilience  and  quick  wits,  tammy’s  coworker  invites  her  to  take  a  small  part  on  a  con  one  night.  her  sense  of  adventure,  ambition  and  the  undeniable  need  for  extra  cash  in  order  to  get  into  college  again  are  decision  makers:  call  her  the  newest  fence  in  the  business.  well,  figuratively.  she  didn’t  truly  know  what  that  meant:  only  that  she  was  good  at  it.    [  ...  ]   one  day,  working  at  the  diner,  tammy  catches  a  young  woman  trying  to  pickpocket  one  of  the  clients  from  behind  the  counter.  enter  debbie  ocean  -  and  tamasin  doesn’t  stop  her,  much  on  the  contrary.  she’s  proud  to  quietly  announce  she’s  done  things  of  that  sort,  too.  it’s  a  match  made  in  heaven:  if  not  even  deborah  had  the  eye  to  catch  her  as  the  type  to  con,  who  could  ever  suspect?

▌    1995     -     age  twenty - one  ,    

 tammy  is  introduced  to  lou  miller,  an  australian  con  artist  that  soon  became  her  other  partner  in  crime.  together,  the  three  ladies  take  part  on  small  cons,  such  as  movie  theater  tickets,  amusement  parks,  retail  and  similar.  with  them,  tammy  makes  the  extra  money  needed  to  start  studying  again.  this  time,  she  goes  with  journalism.   [  ...  ]   tammy  gets  her  first  ever  tattoo,   a  delicate  little  rose  now  marked  onto  the  side  of  her  ribcage.  she  tells  everyone  it  was  her  choice  because  it  was  cute,  but  secretly  likes  to  think  of  the  strength  of  her  delicacy  represented  in  it.

▌    1996     -     age  twenty - two  ,    

 as  a  birthday  gift,  louisa  and  olivia  give  tammy  a  pet  bunny.  she  calls  him  cherry.  

 tammy  is  introduced  to  danny  ocean  and  his  partner  in  crime,  rusty  ryan.  it’s  when  debbie,  lou  and  herself  get  the  perspective  of  expanding  the  cons  they’ve  been  working  on.  small  casinos  and  events  become  their  new  target.

▌    1997     -     age  twenty - three  ,    

 as  olivia  graduates  law  and  starts  working  at  the  family  office,  along  come  the  news  of  the  newest  baby  in  the  family.  she  gets  married  shortly  after,  moving  out  of  the  sisters’  apartment  and  into  her  own  household.    [  ...  ]   tamasin  graduates  from  college,  finally  having  her  journalism  degree.  

▌    1999     -     age  twenty - five  ,    

as  grandmother  virginie  brings  an  art  exhibit  to  new  york,  a  twenty  five  years  old  tamasin  is  invited  to  attend  the  event.  debbie,  lou  and  tammy  take  advantage  of  her  position  and  steal  a  piece  from  an  adjacent  exposition  during  the  party.  they  go  unnoticed,  making  thousands  of  dollars  each.   [  ...  ]   having  her  degree,  tammy  tries  to  get  a  job  position  at  vogue  magazine,  as  well  as  paper  and  vanity  fair.  she  doesn’t  get  a  call  back  after  her  interviews.  

▌    2000     -     age  twenty - six  ,    

 tammy  gets  a  new  day  job,  at  a  flower  shop.  she  works  there  for  a  few  years,  deeply  resenting  not  being  able  to  work  on  her  dream  field  after  finally  being  able  to,  and  takes  it  out  writing  independent  articles  for  her  portfolio  and  shopping  for  designer  clothes  rather  inconsequently  at  times.

▌    2002     -     age  twenty - eight  ,    

 tamasin  gets  a  job  at  paper  magazine,  writing  a  monthly  column  about  the  representation  of  fashion  in  the  media  and  exploring  its  influence  in  storytelling.  finally,  she’s  able  to  work  with  her  passions  combined.

▌    2003     -     age  twenty - nine  ,    

 at  age  twenty,  louisa  moves  out  of  the  apartment,  having  recently  graduated  from  the  juilliard  dance  intensive  program.

 tammy  continues  to  live  in  the  apartment  in  nyc,  where  herself  and  the  girls  can  meet  up  to  plan  future  heists.  even  at  this  point,  crime  represents  her  main  source  of  income,  as  her  day  job  doesn’t  pay  quite  as  well  as  stolen  goods  and  jewels.  however,  it’s  not  only  for  the  money;  tammy  finds  being  a  fence  allows  her  to  explore  her  ambition  and  sense  of  adventure,  things  long  repressed  after  years  being  controlled  by  her  parents’  will.  surprisingly  enough,  she’s  happier  than  ever.

▌    2005     -     age  thirty - one  ,    

 cherry,  tammy’s  pet  bunny,  passes  away  after  nine  years.     [  ...  ]   after  three  years,  tamasin  leaves  her  job  at  paper  magazine  as  she’s  offered  a  position  at  W  magazine,  where  she’s  handed  a  column  on  the  beauty  section.    [  ...  ]    following  her  acceptance  into  the  royal  ballet  company,  louisa  makes  the  decision  of  moving  to  the  united  kingdom.

▌    2007     -     age  thirty - three  ,    

 tamasin  is  invited  to  the  inauguration  dinner  party  of  olivia’s  very  own  law  office.  at  the  event,  she’s  introduced  to  nicholas  mcallister,  a  colleague  lawyer  to  liv.

 1998     -     2008  .     tammy’s  golden  age  of  crime;  acting  as  a  fence,  constantly  developing  her  skills  as  a  con  artist.  after  years  acting  on  unrelated  events,  casinos  and  parties,  she  develops  a  system  of  hijacking  equipments  trucks  crossing  the  border  from  canada  and  reselling  the  goods  on  the  black  market.  it  lasts  for  years  and  grants  her  certain  status  on  the  underworld  of  crime  as  an  experient,  trustworthy  fence  in  the  business.

▌    2008     -     age  thirty - four  ,    

one  night,  tammy  receives  the  new  that  her  younger  sister,  louisa,  had  been  involved  in  a  car  accident  and  seriously  injured  her  knee,  compromising  her  debut  on  the  royal  company  as  a  lead  and,  in  a  long  term  matter,  her  dancing  career.  tamasin  travels  to  london  immediately,  offering  her  baby  sister  support  and  inevitably  reconnecting  with  her  parents.   [  ...  ]   her  sister’s  injury  was  an  undeniable  step  back  on  tammy’s  life,  and  reconnecting  with  her  mother  due  to  the  intense  family  trauma  was  a  decisive  point  on  the  decisions  she’d  make  from  then  on;  being  heavily  criticized  for  not  yet  having  a  family  in  her  mid  30s,  unlike  her  older  sister,  who  had  perfectly  built  a  family  of  her  own  while  finishing  law  school,  tammy  finds  herself  deeply  torn  between  the  duality  of  her  desires  --  to  stay  in  the  city,  investing  on  her  career  as  a  journalist  and  continue  to  explore  how  happy  crime  made  her,  or  to  finally  settle  down  and  think  of  building  a  family,  bringing  the  life-long  dream  of  motherhood  to  reality.  finally,  she  decides  it  is  time  to  take  a  step  back,  and  chooses  to  retire  from  her  career  as  a  fence.

▌    2009     -     age  thirty - five  ,    

 as  a  consequence  of  laying  low  and  removing  herself  from  the  crime  scene,  tammy  grows  lonelier  every  day.  despite  believing  she  could  remain  friends  with  debbie,  lou,  and  all  of  her  former  con  acquaintances,  tammy  came  to  realize  it’d  be  harder  than  she  thought  to  stay  in  touch  while  keeping  a  distance  from  crime.  she  agrees  to  go  on  a  date  with  olivia’s  fellow  lawyer,  nicholas,  and  a  few  weeks  later,  starts  dating  him.

▌    2010     -     age  thirty - six  ,    

 as  of  august  2010,  during  dinner,  tamasin  and  nicholas  get  engaged.  tammy  grabs  onto  the  planning  of  her  wedding  almost  fiercely,  and  with  the  help  of  olivia,  uma  and  katherine,  builds  a  dream-like  event  to  celebrate  her  union  with  nick.

▌    2011     -     age  thirty - seven  ,    

 save  the  date:  tammy  and  nick’s  wedding  happens  during  spring,  on  a  beautiful  vineyard,  and  she’s  as  happy  as  one  can  be.  the  couple  signs  a  prenup,  and  despite  tammy’s  absolute  devotion  to  her  relationship,  she  does  not  change  her  last  name.  she  tells  nick  there’s  no  way  she’d  ever  stop  being  a  sinclair  woman;  that  was  something  she  hardly  considered  back  then.  the  couple  moves  to  a  house  in  the  suburbs  outside  of  new  york,  where  they  plan  to  build  a  family  together.  she  does  not  get  rid  of  the  sisters’  apartment.

▌    2012     -     age  thirty - eight  ,    

 tammy  and  nick  have  many  attempts,  but  still  find  themselves  unable  to  conceive  a  child.    [  ...  ]   to  better  use  her  time,  tamasin  decides  to  enroll  into  univertity  once  again.  she  goes  for  marketing  courses,  knowing  it  can  be  of  good  use  when  working  on  her  dream  field,  with  critical  and  commercial  writing.

▌    2013     -     age  thirty - nine  ,    

 on  the  first  days  of  the  year  and  after  many  attempts,  tamasin  discovers  she’s  pregnant.  it’s  a  very  calm  pregnancy,  and  tammy  has  no  trouble  working  from  home  for  the  same  w  magazine  column  on  beauty.  during  her  pregnancy  as  well,  tammy  graduates  from  marketing  school,  studying  from  home.  through  a  c-section,  she  gives  birth  to  twins,  and  calls  them  beatrice  and  benjamin.

▌    2015     -     age  fourty  -  one  ,    

 having  the  twins,  tammy  knows  she  wants  more  babies.  nicholas  and  her  decide  there  will  be  no  other  time  to  give  that  a  try,  and  attempt  to  get  pregnant  once  again.  differently  from  the  first  time,  this  pregnancy  happens  easily,  but  definitely  takes  its  toll  on  tamasin’s  health  and  body.  she  decides  to  let  go  of  her  position  at  W  magazine,  dedicating  her  time  to  taking  care  of  the  twins  as  well  as  herself.  during  the  months  following  august’s  birth,  tammy  experiences  postpartum  depression.

▌    2016     -     age  fourty  -  two  ,    

 after  years  distanced  from  crime,  and  having  plenty  of  time  in  her  hands  as  an  unemployed  housewife,  tammy  falls  into  temptation

 and  reconnects  with  a  former  provider.  she  starts  gathering  goods  stolen  directly  from  fabric  on  her  garage,  and  reselling  such  items  to  the  black  market.  if  you  ask  her  about  crime,  she’ll  say  she’s  retired.     [  ...  ]   tammy  gets  her  second  tattoo,  this  time,  even  more  discreet  --   three  little  dots  on  the  back  of  her  neck,  one  for  each  of  her  children.

▌    2018     -     age  fourty  -  four  ,    

 despite  making  it  clear  that  she’s  out  of  the  crime  business,  tammy  gets  a  surprise  visit  from  an  old  friend.  debbie  ocean  makes  a  rather  undeniable  proposal:  to  join  her  and  lou  in  a  millionaire  heist.  she  leaves  for  the  big  city  in  a  matter  of  days,  asking  her  sisters  to  keep  an  extra  eye  on  the  kids  as  she’s  gone.  she  acts  as  a  fence  in  the  met  gala  heist  of  2018  and  goes  unnoticed  as  the  seven  other  members  of  her  crew.  once  the  heist  is  done,  and  after  having  another  taste  of  just  how  exciting  her  life  can  be  when  she  explores  her  greedy  side,  tammy  realizes  she  does  not  want  to  go  back  to  her  life  in  the  suburbs.  it  only  adds  up  to  the  fact  that  she  was  no  longer  happy  in  her  married  life.  as  of  the  end  of  the  year,  tammy  and  nick  file  a  divorce.

▌    2019     -     age  fourty  -  five  ,    

after  working  for  the  met  staff  in  2018,  tammy  interviewed  for  a  position  at  the  vogue  office.  this  time,  she  gets  a  call  back,  and  is  made  a  collaborator  of  vogue  online,  writing  articles  for  the  vogue.com  website  and  supervising  content  creation  for  vogue  america’s  social  media.

at  the  end  of  the  year,  she’s  made  one  of  the  editors  of  vogue  online,  coordinating  the  creation  of  editorials  and  videos  for  vogue’s  youtube  channel.

for  the  first  time,  she  covers  new  york  fashion  week  and  writes  two  articles  analyzing  chanel  and  ellie  saab’s  show.  her  work  is  vastly  recognized  by  the  industry  and  well  received  by  the  public.

▌    2020     -     age  fourty  -  six  ,    

 proving  to  be  a  skilled  writer  and  creative  director,  tammy  takes  a  long  shot  and  asks  for  a  chance  to  act  as  a  collaborator  to  vogue  magazine,  the  print.  such  position  is  ultimately  granted,  and  tamasin  continues  to  coordinate  vogue  online’s  content  as  well  as  occasionally  collaborate  to  print  articles  for  the  magazine.

▌    2021     -     age  fourty  -  seven  ,    

 after  being  granted  her  first  chance  at  completely  handling  her  previous  position  at  the  fashion  print,  tammy  is  named  editor  of  vogue  magazine.  she  mainly  coordinates  and  keeps  contacts  for  photoshoots,  interviews,  articles  and  columns.  she  occasionally  acts  as  a  collaborator  as  well,  and  is  released  from  her  position  at  vogue  online.

 2018     -    future  .     tammy  lives  in  a  house  in  new  york  city  with  her  three  kids,  benjamin,  beatrice  and  august,  and  has  finally  been  hired  at  the  job  of  her  dreams:  vogue  magazine.  she  continues  to  work  on  cons  with  her  crew  heist,  and  her  career  as  a  journalist  only  seems  to  be  growing.  keep  an  eye  on  that  one:  who  knows  when  vogue  might  announce  a  new  editor  in  chief?

[seagullsausage]

ive been insane thinking excessively about my egoverse lately so heres the gist of it cause i can’t form a full coherent post

jackie is kinda traumatized from jack getting rid of marvin and is overprotective of chase and henrik to an overbearing degree cause hes so afraid of jack hurting them

when chase was created he was kind of a handful and jackie was so so paranoid that jack was going to hurt him because he was irritated with how needy chase was, and it got to the point where jackie was so so sure that jack was going to kill chase that he couldn’t sleep at night, and so he moved out and made chase move in with him to keep him safe

jackie is under an intense amount of stress because hes trying to take care of chase, henrik, marvin, and jameson all at the same time, on top of being obsessed with finding anti and keeping his family safe from him aND still grieving for jack and also trying to stay on top of his quickly deteriorating mental health. hes having anxiety attacks and panic attacks every day desperately trying to juggle all this shit and feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders

henrik and marvin are really good friends and they help each other with a lot of shit. marvins a bit more mature than chase and also relates hardcore to what henrik had to go thru and so they’re kind of a stand-in for jackie. henrik is also the only person who checks up on marvin and tries helping them deal with everything that anti did to them

jameson had more influence over anti than what chase liked to believe. jameson was the one who convinced anti not to kill henrik, and to not completely destroy him. when marvin was living with them, jameson literally begged anti almost every day to stop hurting them, because they were becoming friends and marvin was the first human hes ever interacted with. he also feels guilt over not being able to ‘save’ henrik so hes desperate to save marvin

how marvin’s dealing with the aftermath of getting away from anti; they like to say that they’re fine but like if the front door doesn’t open right away or if the windows stuck they spiral down into a complete breakdown, they flinch away if jameson makes any sudden movements, they’re very reactionary, especially with chase, they’re sleeping excessively and spends almost all their time sitting outside, etc. 

anti didn’t originally care about making the egos his ‘puppets;’ it was only after he formed individual relationships with the guys that he wanted them all to himself; he grew an intense bond with jameson, he grew to like henrik as a tool/weapon, he enjoyed having chase as his patient, he loved marvin, he liked messing around with jackie, etc. so at the end of it all, he just wants everyone who he loves in one place, he wants to have control over all of them

chase is actually gay but hes extremely closeted and has a lot of internalized homophobia and trauma about it. his marriage fell apart partially because of him and he always thought there was something wrong with him, that he was seriously broken and that he was incapable of loving. he’s very aggressive towards marvin and jameson, and especially gets angry at jameson and henriks developing relationship. why should they get to be happy? why does marvin get to be comfortable with themself? hes realizing things and eventually he snaps and goes into screaming and sobbing fits about it, henriks trying to hold him but chase is crying about how theres something wrong with him and he’s not allowed to be gay and all that. henrik and marvin both help him worth through it and come to terms with it

chase is big into fighting and boxing, he used to be in these fighting rings where people bet money and stuff until jackie made him stop, hes got a punching bag in his room and he gets in bar fights a lot. he could beat the shit out of jameson if he could but henrik and marvin always stop him. he’d fight marvin too but they have magic so its always a losing battle

marvin had a mentor who found them in the woods and took care of them, trained them and helped them be the magician they are today. im calling him ben burnake for now based off the lemon demon song. he looks like arin hanson

jameson also gets a therapist and at first hes scared cause ya know anti was a psychiatrist and all, but this guy is really nice and caring and hes mostly deaf so they sign to each other the whole time. jamesons scared of telling him about his past cause, ya know, if he starts talking about demons and posession and stuff hes scared hes gonna be put in a hospital, but his therapist totally believes him (or at least thinks jameson is using the whole demon thing as a metaphor for something) and its real nice

when marvin gets free, they tell henrik everything there is to know about jameson. hes been tortured by not knowing who he is and never saving him, and just learning his name and learning what hes like is so so cathartic and wonderful for henrik

[tayegi]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (That's how that last chapter of NR made me feel.) I just thought you would like to know how brutally my heart has been ripped to shreds and I thank you for it. I am so excited to find out what Jungkook's deal is.

Anonymous said:LUUU NEW RULES CH 11 HURT ME SO BAD OMMNNBGGGGGGGG FUCKIDKCUDKC WTF IS WRONG WIT JUNGKOOK

Anonymous said:Chapter 11 is out...WHAT THE ACTUAL FCK. I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW😭💜

bangtantannie said:Oh my god the New Rules update got me FUCKED UP AHAHSJ i screamed when i saw the notif and my heart goes out to the reader, especially when her and Mijoo were comforting Yerin. I gotta say I've had a few of those moments in my life and i had the same exact thought process

Anonymous said:i feel like IDGAF by Dua Lipa could be the theme song for the next chapter cos by then the oc wouldn't care anymore and cut off jk's coward coconut bitch ass uwu. anyway I love the new update! I was crying during the first part bec it was so heartbreaking and im on my red days lmao 😣😝 and when i learned bout yoongi's reason for doing wut he did i was shookt but it was valid tho and acceptable. the soft part after that was so cute tho. im gon continue this in a 2nd ask bec tumblr sucks

Anonymous said:I actually LOVE angst so much and you did it PERFECTLY - the mystery, the underlying story, the hidden pain, sacrifice, false front, and RAW RAW FEELINGS HNG i’m hurting so bad in all the right ways and i am so obsessed I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE THOUGHT AND LAYERS YOU PUT INTO IT; you have SUCH a beautiful brain

Anonymous said:JESUS NEW RULES IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. Lu, I love how realistic all of your storylines are, how you make the characters feel real, and how you channel their emotions. This whole chapter was just wOW, SHIT WENT DOWN. I’m excited (and hella nervous) to see what becomes of the OC and Jungkook now that the confrontation has occurred. Love you Lu!~💖

Anonymous said:nr oc @ jk: boy bye im not available for the emotionally unavailable so sayonara coconut btch

Anonymous said:Lu... you did it, I'm about to cry, I'm glad my mascara and eyeliner are waterproof. Just the masked emotion of jk "not wanting a relationship" is fuckin palpable, like he acts as if lashing out on the OC will make her hate him, but she knows damn well they like /like/ each other, and w the society we r in, it's easy to shift blame on oc for "catching feelings" bc that's typically "what women do" but JK is so vulnerable w her so SHFJHSHD this ch was muy bueno, ily lu-🍑 anon

bangtandumbyeondan said:Every chapter of New Rules leaves me on edge and I love it but it also makes me screeeeeam because I never want it to end haha I really enjoy the whole series a lot thanks for writing it 🌼

Anonymous said:I'm sure your asks are flooded rn but iahcjsjfak MAN. I had to put my phone down like 6 times while reading this due to shock, secondhand embarrassment, and anger lmao I was feeling as crushed as if I was the one shot down oaudisjf I really admire the oc for standing her ground in that situation. I'm really rooting for her! awesome chapter, thanks as always lu xx

Anonymous said:NR 11 was so fucking lit wow, you consistently blow my mind every damn time. Tell them OC tell them!!! Toxic masculinity needs to go!!! Devaluing emotions need to go!!! Take! That! Trash! Out!

Anonymous said:just finished reading chapter 11 and now im in shambles 😭 i just want to hug the oc and tell her everything will be okay 💖

Anonymous said:The rollercoaster of emotions that this chapter produced was so raw. Having an amazing plotline like this is not super complex (like fantasy) but so intune to human emotions as the central point is amazing. You capture real human feelings of jealousy, pain, heartbreak and angst so fucking well, and I feel that I am part of this story. Thank you for gifting us with your writing Lu!

Anonymous said:that last line of dialogue... i am deceased

Anonymous said:Every since that "not like she left me" from JK i wonder if it is about his mother, and this chapter when OC talks about their mothers not raising them quite well i got that feeling again ughhhh I want to know so baaaad !!! this chapter really clenched my heart lu you are so goooooodddd thank you thank you thank youu i love you so much!

Anonymous said:you've broken my heart and crushed my windpipe with that new rules chapter. thank you so much for taking the precious time out of your life to write such an emotionally charged and thoughtfully written series, i am actually screaming. love you, lu. ♥

Anonymous said:your writing is so amazing:’) ugh my heart hurts from new rules but i love the paiN

Anonymous said:I FREAKIIINNNNNGGGGGG LOVE THE NEW CHAPTER OF NEW RULES MY HEART HURTS BUT ALSO I LOVE THE ANGST THAT LAST BIT WHERE SHE SAID "BECAUSE IT WILL BE SO EASY TO GET OVER YOU!" I CAN'T EVEN CONTAIN MYSELF IT JUST DESTROYED MY HEART SO DELICIOUSLY

Anonymous said:im having an aneurysm??? go OFF oc!! i know she may not necessarily be entirely right, but the ending scene really spoke to me as a woman who was gaslighted by an ex for a year after the relationship ended in much the same manner. i also really appreciated how you wrote the oc’s response to yoongi coming out both in character and sensitively. i want more yoongi and oc interactions now!! it seriously made me cry. your writing always makes me emotional in the best way

Anonymous said:jungkook has me very confused and i kinda wanna punch him in the nose for it, but those feelings are quite appreciated as it speaks to how highly intricate you've woven the story so far. i'm looking forward to when everything about his behaviour finally makes sense. until then, keep up the amazing work, lu. you're doing great! ^-^

acucarebiscoito said:"He doesn't love you. He'll never love you. No man has ever loved you before, and how could you have possibly thought that someone like Jeon Jungkook could've ever returned your feelings?" You got me here, I REALLY started to cry my eyes out. It hits to close home I cant even order my thoughts right now. It was perfect, every second. Thank you so much Lu, like always you are amazing and you gave me so much to reflect about myself. Thank you 💖💖

Omg you guys all have such intense reactions to ch 11. this makes me so happy! ive seriously had the scene of the OC running into the frat house and telling Jungkook off planned in my mind since ch 2, and ive been stewing over it for literally a fucking YEAR, so to see that it worked out and ppl feel so strongly is amazing. thank you bbs

[window-301]

Brutally Honest Venus in Houses

Venus in House I Aren’t you miss Marilyn Monroe? You present yourself to the world with charm and cuteness and get stuff on your way like that. You’re very flirty and love to play dumb so stupid people thinking they’re too smart will lecture you and you will even get out of the situation pretending you’re a good learner when in fact you’re just being diplomatic and shady. You like to be sexually admired and know how to use it in your favor without being obvious. How not to like you? Not even you know that.

Venus in House II Here comes Lana del Rey in her Sugar Baby phase. Maybe is not even conscious but your love life has to be luxurious and you will probably fall for rich people - not that you are actively looking for this kind of thing. To you, romantic means financial effort, and if they care enough they will do it for you, right? Also you’re pretty obsessed with stability. Love comes with a price, and you won’t marry and put your being in the hands of someone who can’t even pay its own bills. Maybe you have a heritage or come from a wealthy family, and you will keep at least the same pattern of life you already have with someone stable that knows how to $ enjoy $ life.

Venus in House III You probably fell in love for a teacher once. You just can’t resist a sweet talk and somebody that can share stories, knowledge, with good humor and a mind sharp… you’re so done. You also like to be with someone that can talk about anything without making a big deal of it, and if they don’t have anything interesting to say anymore you get bored and that’s it, the end. Also because of your endless need for new information and learning you may feel polyamory is something considerable, maybe even desirable. So many people with so many stories to share! Or maybe not, if you date a true nerd with a good heart. Is very likely you will find romance in school or college, or any study group, and maybe inspire you to follow an academic or scholar career.

Venus in House IV You are very, very, very romantic and sentimental. Love means marrying and children, or at least marrying and having loving pets to raise. Sometimes both. You like the traditional bound - you may even say is not for you but honey, you don’t fool anyone. You like the idea of having a ring in your finger and showing off your sweet partner while making up names for your future children (or pets). You probably came from a family that gave you this traditional view - or from a so fucked up family you desired your whole life yours were better than that and decided to make your new family the closest thing possible from a traditional one. Either way, you will look for someone that can handle your family or be among the other half’s family as it were yours. And you are a hard worker to keep things as perfect as a butter advertise.

Venus in House V You are so in love… with yourself. And everything you create. You are expressive and people love your presence - they better do, you’re a fucking genius - and you know how to attract people, how to flirt, how to keep them interested. Is like they say: work on your garden and the butterflies will come to you, and geez, your garden is a stage with high quality lightning while Mozart plays in the background to make the flowers grow more beautifully. You work on your appearance, on your expressiveness, you know exactly what you’re doing and those who don’t know how to appreciate it are not worthy of you. Your partner is someone you picked from your fans, they must admire you too - better saying, they have to understand what you are and what you do. Otherwise why even bother to lose your time with them? Losers.

Venus in House VI You love someone who is responsible and hard working. Love to you is something a bit colder than others, you have high standards for what you want in your life and need someone to help you achieve it. This someone must work as hard as you do, must cooperate with you and stand still facing critics because you’re really mental, and your relationship is one of the things you will analyze more than feel it. The problem is you might over analyze it and ruin things when they were supposed to be ok. Chill, man. You do a good work, trust your standards, you will do fine. And so will the person you coldly chose to be with you. You will probably fall in love for a competent co-worker, maybe even your boss, or someone with a very practical view.

Venus in House VII You’re the Venus itself. You’re a social butterfly and diplomatic af, everybody likes you and you don’t even give them the chance to not like you. You’re so fucking nice and loving, how can they not like you? Unless you have a stellium in aries or something, geez, you’re good at attracting people. You will probably fall in love for pretty people, be pretty yourself and want pretty things surrounding you. You’re all about beauty - inner and outer, but c'mon, everybody likes the outer more. You’re well behaved, gentle, you talk looking into people’s eyes and genuinely asks if everything is ok. You will probably marry and be very happy since the person that will be attracted to you will admire every piece of you, and feel lucky to have you around. Just run from people that use other people (they might perceive you’re too nice and use the shit out of you) and creeps (they might see your kindness as openness and try to do creepy shit).

Venus in House VIII The more complicated, the better. Not because of drama, you just like… intense things. Normal relationships bore the shit out of you, you need something that will change your life completely, change the way you see things, you feel things, someone that can divide your life in “Before my partner” and “After my partner”. Someone to do new things, develop new dreams, and someone to take care emotionally and trust completely. You’re not the type of going around telling everyone you’re in love - sometimes you don’t even feel it coming. Is just there, and then you want that person all for you, in a very possessive way, and do everything to mark your territory without being obvious. You like mysterious people, or just really different people, because they will make you feel beyond the obvious and share dark secrets - the ultimate love proof for you. You may have a thing for people you shouldn’t - be the other person, or even cheat. You also are a bit traditional… but a darker version, like Morticia and Gomez - to die and kill for it. Partners in life, partners in crime. Usually in life, though, if you’re healthy.

Venus in House IX You want to PaAaARtYy. Woohoo. You have energy, passion, attitude, and you fall for very optimistic people that will take you out of your comfort zone and go beyond with you. You might fall for college teachers and researchers, maybe people that traveled the world, or even high knowledged religion leaders, like priests. Or just a parter for crazy ideas. To you, a relationship must be something to add flavor and spice to your life and make it something incredible. Make you do incredible things, go to places you never - or always - dreamed of. The ultimate romance is to take you in a trip where you will experiment so many new things and cultures. You’re all about expansion and your love will take you beyond, make you learn something new, master a new technique… love is something almost religious that will bring you salvation. The problem is when you notice the patterns of things and get bored, or if your beloved is passing through dark times of regression. You feel lonely and that energy becomes irritation, and you may go alone with hope to find new love since you have no time for sad people.

Venus in House X You’re the boss here. You know exactly what you want for love, and this comes with traditionalism, effort and a good status. You like the idea of marrying and having kids but indifferently from your gender you will be the “man” of the house, the boss. You will lead the relationship, take the initiative, ask to go on a date, decide when to marry, choose where to live, what to do, how to do. You are very hard working and security is important to you - and if the person doesn’t give you enough of it you will just fire them and leave the spot open to better candidates. You may seem cold but you don’t play with your life and love is something strong for you, so you just don’t give it for anyone that messes with your head. You actually know very well the difference between love and lust and are able to have lustful relationships without love, just to relieve your carnal needs. Cold, right? But real. You take responsibilities and obligations very seriously, and if you decide to bond with someone you will do it in the right way.

Venus in House XI You’re popular and care about everyone. When it comes to love you have to find someone that will bond with your friends and coworkers. You go along with everybody and important people tend to like you. You may get involved with someone very political, or with strong political views, particularly with the power to actually do something for the masses. Or maybe a technologic nerd that is developing solutions for daily problems. You’re all about improvement and will want someone to share this view, and work together to something that will help others somehow. You’re here to make things better and your partner must recognize this. You don’t fall a little tiny for selfish bastards, even if they look pretty af - at this point you’re probably questioning the beauty standards and laughing at people that tries too hard to look good. You’re different, unique, and sometimes this is a blessing, sometimes a curse. You know you’re out of the place and fall for smart all of the place people like you. And if your morals and political views matches you will probably going to die together, holding hands and shit.

Venus in House XII Your love is unconscious. You’re dreamy and imagine a life together with an ideal you’re afraid it doesn’t exist. This may indicate your love is in a past life too, someone you’ve bond so strongly you miss him/her and don’t even know its face. Your love makes you better as a person, grow and learn more about you. You might feel you’re infantile and this is so strange for you, while it seems so obvious for others, and will want to hide and never try. You’re too ashamed to show your feelings and always expect the worst, sometimes making a self fulfilled prophecy, and then going after easy escapes such drugs, games, porn. Bonding is specially hard for you because that’s what you need most to grow, and growing is never easy. You might break up as soon as you realize the person is not what you wanted it to be, not wanting to deal with their problems. Don’t run. You’re lovely and you can make your big dreams come true if you stay and keep on trying. Or at least the closest thing to true, which is fantastic anyway, because you’re a fabulous dreamer and that’s a great gift.

[vitos-ordination-song]

i look back on horror at who i was as a child a lot bc it was bad and i did bad things. but just now i felt kind of fond of little me and proud. bc i did survive and i was smart. 

i got sparked thinking about this bc i was thinking back to being really little. really little, potty training and earliest memories. i was so motivated to be perfect and actually i was good at getting approval. it’s sad bc thats what shaped the bad part of me. at this deep level i learned i did not want to be punished or disapproved of and so i tried to distance myself from my brothers who were punished and compared negatively to me. 

it’s weird bc for so long i felt shame about this. when i was in high school i apologized to my brothers in tears bc theyd often been resentful of me when we were young and i felt guilty for being the baby who got away with things while they were punished. from like age 2 to age maybe 10 i had a p bad superiority complex borne out of this and i just felt like a bad person for it for a long time. plus i didnt fully break out of the mindset til i let go of inferiority/superiority. 

i do see that i was just a child but thats kinda the part that feels like a horror movie. if i think of it being a child who was in situations i was and doing things i did, it feels horrifying. so most of my thinking back on being a kid are kinda disturbing. 

but im kinda getting back in touch w the part of myself i love for the past few years. and you know i survived for a reason. bc i love life and there are parts of me that are strong. what i was thinking about that started all of this was the kind of two-sided split nature of my childhood. what actual form did it take. 

i was absolutely obsessive about adult approval. to a degree that was v annoying to other kids but worked. i didnt necessarily SHOW that i was obsessed w it and i dont think i was even thinking consciously about it. a lot of my memories go in this vein. like i was good at memorizing bc that was asked of me. i could intense laser focus on things and memorize them. i remember frantically memorizing Bible verses at age 5 to win the Bible verse memorizing competition which the adults put on.

all of my strengths i had to be best in and all of my weaknesses were sources of shame i tried to improve on. i took very seriously morality as it was taught to me and made a great show of following it. i was often what you could consider teachers pet and basked in any positive reinforcement thrown my way. 

i was addicted to avoiding punishment and seeking reward. it was a response to my highly behaviorist, authoritarian upbringing. my emotional state in relationship with adults could vary wildly depending on how they treated me. i had a teacher in fourth grade who seemed to dislike and undermine me, like she wanted to break me, and i internalized my idea of her to help shape myself into someone who she would like. and it mostly worked. 

the intensity of my ability to do stuff like this cannot be understated. i learned to totally supress my sensory problems because they made adults annoyed with me and might lead to punishment (also i had to learn to deal with them alone because i had no help). i learned how to present a certain type of acceptable personality. 

i should note that i learned to do this first because of my parents. i learned later, but very young, that i had been easy to potty train. i was often praised both for being intelligent but especially for being “easy” and obidient. the perfect child. as compared to my brothers who wet the bed and had to be punished for it. ive thought for a while that the reason i was so obsessed with being perfect in school is that my mother homeschooled me and my brother for kintergarden. she screamed at him for being stupid. never me. 

being better was being safe. so i became this person who had to follow all the rules and be best at everything and i always wanted to be assured that i had earned love by my behavior. 

but the oddest thing about this is that i was a totally anti-authority, rebellious, and single-minded child. this is how the split in my personality manifested when i was little. any time i sensed any kind of unfairness i was livid. i undermined authority figures behind their backs with other kids. i got around rules however i could. 

the thing was, i think, even when i was very little, was that i knew it was arbitrary. the authority my parents wielded over me and my siblings was incomprehensible. i couldnt follow it. i just knew that they were in charge so they could do what they wanted. they were inconsistent in their punishments and rewards. sometimes they punished you for nothing and sometimes you got away with doing something actually bad. they weren’t fair. they just made it up as they went along. 

i wanted to do what i wanted to do and really i felt no attachment to their judgment on it--at least this side of me didnt. and it goes back just as far, maybe farther, than the feeling of superiority or desire for approval. i think that came more as i became afraid of punishment. 

i have very young memories of defying my parents authority. i just wanted to get away with it. and i almost always did. 

it’s funny because my entire family has always judged me for that but now i look back with some admiration. i mean i was obsessing with how to get away with things in my youngest memories, like age 3. all throughout my childhood i broke the rules to do what i wanted. 

when i was thinking earlier, what came to me was that i always acted to get approval so that i could get away with things and do what i really wanted to do. my main occupation as a child was reading. i was approved of for it. i read so much! i was such a smart little girl! and i could get away with spending all my time away from people in another world, the world of my books. i was quiet and out of the way so i was a good child. and that was one of the main sources of happiness in my childhood, reading, escaping, learning, being somewhere else. 

i waged a warfare against authority quietly. i learned to give them what they want and then do whatever i wanted when they looked away. i did it all the time. the side of me that wanted approval and the one that wanted freedom were somewhat dissociated so i didnt even fully realize i was doing it. 

i think what caused a lot of the change was falling from grace. in my own eyes, in my projected, perceived vision of God, and in the eyes of adults. it happened around age 10 and 11. i went from a very high to very low opinion of myself quickly. i think some of it was having a teacher who simply did not and would not like me, who wanted me to be smaller. she didnt like that i was disorganized and said i had terrible handwriting. she wasnt cruel but she wanted to destroy me for my own good. she constantly put me down and made me a subject of ridicule in class. 

i was also thinking more about Christian morality. the more i learned about God and heard about sin the more i felt i was a sinner. i felt bare and stripped naked, disgusting before God. 

i had humbling experience after humbling experience--internally as i reflected on my behavior and externally though rejection by peers, failure in school, and adult disapproval. it wasnt possible for me to feel approved of, perfect anymore. i could only be bad. 

i kept going further and further with this until i was reborn and rejected all of it. i stopped being Christian and rejected God’s authority. Christianity was the only worldview i had ever been allowed to imagine. once i stopped believing in it i was separate from every person around me. i could not, as a human being, have anyone’s approval. 

i wasnt the golden child at school or at home any more. i started getting in trouble in ways i never would have before because i was more defiant openly. a teacher took my kindle from me in 8th grade and i was punished for stealing it back. i had used to never talk back to my parents but i started to. i was angry. the dynamics in my family shifted and sometimes i was the scapegoat, sometimes i was the one being screamed at, punished, hit the most. me and my siblings played hot potato for it. golden child shifted around too. but i would never be the favorite again. by the time my parents went back to fawning on me, when i was a successful college student, i had no taste for it. 

starting around age 13. i had to become my own internal source of approval, authority, and being. i started to parent myself. i developed an internal parent who nurtured me and i sought out a lot of media about good and loving parents. i cried alone all the time but when i was calming down, i would stroke my own hair and talk to myself. i thought for myself and made up my mind about things. i had my own internal sense of morality that wasnt based on punishment and rewards. that made me a better person. before i had broken any rule with no guilt. i did not consider right and wrong of the action, only likelihood of punishment or reward. when i was giving myself approval, /i/ had to approve of my actions. 

idk ive just rambled a lot but i guess ive been thinking tonight about how ive reacted to environments and how ive changed myself as a person. i have these moments, shorter periods in my life, where something totally shifts in me. but that doesnt make long term effects just go away. i still worry about approval and punishment. i still punish and reward myself. these things are ground into me. inferiority/superiority too. but i saw through them and i have changed. 

[bibhabmishra]

Ghostbusters

I’ve read a lot of film books and they’ve taught me a few things about how film books should be written if they are to be taken seriously, and these are lessons that I feel are as useful in life:  1. Drop in random French phrases wherever possible so it looks like you’re quoting from the French film magazine Cahiers du Cinéma, because even if you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, nobody will be able to tell; 2. When in doubt, start waffling on about Godard; 3. Never describe a film as your “favorite film.” This looks unprofessional and childish. Instead, claim—in ringing tones comme les écrivains de Cahiers du Cinéma—that it is the Greatest Film.  Zut alors! Malheureusement, not all the French in the world could convince any- one that I am more interested in Godard than The Goonies, so that’s a non- starter. But I shall make use of one of these handy life lessons and state that the best, most brilliant, most extraordinary, the most deftly created piece of au- teur film work of all time is Ghostbusters. For pretty much most of my life, I’d assumed that this was a fact accepted by everybody: Ghostbusters is the greatest movie ever made. Sure, people tend to say random words like “Citizen Kane!” and “Vertigo!” when asked by Cahiers du Cinéma for their favorite film.

But I thought they did this just as, when asked who they’d like to have at their dream dinner party, they say, “Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela!” as opposed to who everybody would actually like, which is, obviously, Madonna and Bill Murray. Now, one could take my massive assumption that my tastes reflect those of everyone else on the planet two ways:  1. I have an ego the size of Asia coupled with a narcissist’s complex and incipient sociopathic tendencies; 2. Ghostbusters is so good that even if it’s not everyone’s FAVORITE movie, it is probably in their top ten and so whenever I mention my love of Ghostbusters people say, “Oh yeah, everyone loves Ghostbusters.”  For the purposes of this chapter, we will go with option 2. I never thought of my Ghostbusters obsession—and it is, I fully admit, an obsession—as remarkable. If anything, I saw it as a perfectly natural response to a great work of art. Devoting an entire shelf to books and articles by or about the people involved, however tangentially, in the making of this movie? Com- mendable intellectual curiosity. Spending two hundred dollars on a book about Ghostbusters that came out the year the film was released, just because it finally explains why the character of Winston is squeezed out of the movie? Hey, that’s an investment piece! Refusing to go on a second date with someone be- cause they failed to recognize a completely random (and not, to be honest, wildly relevant) Ghostbusters quote over dinner?I Well, why waste time with losers? It wasn’t until I found myself awake at 2 a.m. at the age of thirty-three on a Tuesday scrolling through eBay in search of a rumored copy of Bill Mur- ray’s original Ghostbusters script, which obviously was not going to be on eBay, that I felt it might be time to look at what, precisely, was going on here and why, after all this time, Ghostbusters still feels so special, maybe even more spe- cial, to me. There is sentimentality, for sure, not exactly for my childhood but for the city of my childhood. Ghostbusters is as much a love letter to New York as any- thing by Woody Allen, and a less self-conscious one at that, showing New Yorkers reacting with relative normality to an invasion of the undead.II Many of the jokes in Ghostbusters stem from the idea that, ghosts aside, Manhattan it- self is an out-of-control Wild West place, a Gotham city where a man could collapse against the windows of the Tavern on the Green, the ritzy restaurant that used to be in Central Park, and the diners would simply ignore him. Trash is piled on the sidewalks and Checker cabs whizz around corners: this re- creation of New York, 1984—the New York of my childhood—is still how I think of the city, even though it has, for better or worse, changed a lot since then. Even the hilarious anachronisms give me a sentimental frisson: Louis being mocked for his love of vitamins and mineral water; Ray and Peter snarfing down cigarettes while toting nuclear reactors on their backs; Larry King in a cloud of cigarette smoke while chatting drily on the radio; the bad guy being the man from the Environmental Protection Agency. These all look particularly out of date in the Manhattan of today, and I can’t help but feel the city is a little poorer for it. But my absolute favorite New Yorky moment in the film is at the end, when a doorman brings Ecto1 round after the Ghostbusters have saved the world—or at least Central Park West—from destruction. Despite having battled a giant marshmallow man, Dan Aykroyd still has a couple of dollar bills in the pocket of his ghost uniform with which to tip the doorman. You cannot get more New York than that. But there is something else in Ghostbusters that makes me sentimental, something else that I love in it that doesn’t exist anymore. That is, its depiction of how a man should be.  •  •  •  Just in terms of sheer variety, one could do a lot worse than turn to eighties movies for lessons in how to be a man. When most people think of mas- culinity in eighties movies, they probably think of that strange genre that sprouted and bulged up in that decade like Popeye’s biceps after eating spinach, consisting of men who look like condoms stuffed with walnutsIII speaking their lines in confused accents and emphasizing random syllables, strongly suggesting they’d learned the words phonetically: Schwarzenegger, Lundgren, Stallone,IV and, toward the end of the decade, Van Damme. Chuck Norris, too, can be included here, despite his lack of walnutness, but he earns membership in this group with his similar lack of obvious acting talent and strong fondness for right-wing messages in his films.V But there is more to eighties men than that. For a start, there are the men who raise babies and children (Mr. Mom, Three Men and a Baby, Uncle Buck), which some feminist critics argued at the time was a backlash against femi- nism because the films seemed to mock the idea of feminized men. In fact, in retrospect, these films look more like movies awkwardly coming to grips with feminism (Tootsie, too, can be included here, with a man pre- tending to be a woman, and occasionally looking after a child, and becoming a better person for it). Mr. Mom (1983), in which Michael Keaton loses his job and looks after the kids while his wife works, is clearly none too sure what to make of this “feminist” thing: the movie’s message is that the swapping of traditional gender roles will probably destroy the marriage and almost certainly the house (somewhat dismayingly, the film was written by John Hughes). But by 1987, Three Men and a Baby was getting much more of a handle on things. The men (Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, and Ted Danson) are unex- pectedly lumbered with a baby girl and, by the end of the film, very much want her to stay with them in their bachelor shag pad, even after the baby’s dippy English (foreigners—tchuh!) mother turns back up. It turns out that, unlike Mr. Mom, they are capable of looking after a baby without causing havoc to domestic appliances (men—amirite??). The men in Three Men and a Baby are

notably much less obnoxious than les mecs in the original French version, Trois Hommes et un Couffin, who have a pact never to let a woman stay more than one night in their flat and have a tendency to call the baby “a swine” when it has an accident on the sofa. Ahh, les Français—ils sont tres masculins, ooh la la!VI Which is not to say that the American version is without its anxieties. Three Men and a Baby goes to such lengths in order to reassure audiences of the übermasculinity of the three guys, despite their TERRIFYINGLY FEMINIZED baby-raising skills, that they become hilariously camp. Peak camp is reached, for me, when Selleck goes out jogging wearing little more than a tiny pair of shorts and an enormous mustache, and he picks up a sports magazine full of photos of muscled-up half-naked men. Now, if that isn’t the definition of throbbing heterosexual masculinity, I don’t know what is. Yes, the eighties were a different time and American movies in that era seemed to think that homosexual was merely Latin for “psycho killer or flouncy interior decorator.” But nonetheless, whenever I watch this movie (which is more often than I’m going to commit to print) I think it’s a shame the director (who was the late Leonard Nimoy, very pleasingly) didn’t just go with the obvi- ous option here and make the guys gay, living in a happy yuppie ménage à trois. After all, this would explain why three apparently very solvent guys in high- flying careersVII in their thirties would choose to share an apartment in mid- town Manhattan as opposed to getting their own American Psycho–style bach- elor pads. And for heaven’s sake, have you looked at that Broadway-themed mural Steve Guttenberg paints of the three of them in the atrium of their apart- ment? No amount of references from Selleck to his love of sport can obscure the fact he and his two friends are living in the campiest New York apartment north of Fourteenth Street. These guys—the actor! the architect! the car- toonist!—are basically the eighties yuppie version of the Village People. And let’s talk about that homoeroticism! Accidental homoeroticism is yet another one of the great joys of eighties movies, and it was the last decade that would be blessed with the pleasure because from the nineties onward, gay cul- ture and references would be too mainstream and recognizable to slip past studios unnoticed. The plethora of eighties buddy movies easily and frequently tip into acci- dental homoeroticism, with the female characters being explicitly excluded from pretty much the whole film and all sorts of intense emotion between the two male leads. Lethal Weapon is one example and an even more obvious one is Stakeout, in which Emilio Estevez and Richard Dreyfuss spend an entire movie living together in faux domesticity and, in the case of Estevez, voyeuris- tically spying on his male partner’s sexual encounters. The Lost Boys is the most blatantly homoerotic mainstream movie ever made for teenage boys. In this film, young Michael (charisma vortex Jason Patric) is initiated into the manly life of a new town by going into a cave with Kiefer Sutherland and his male buddies (none of whom seems the least bit interested in the fact that a half-naked Jami Gertz is wandering around drunk- enly in front of them) and drinking their body fluids. Sure, why not, right? Vam- pires are inherently homoerotic and the director Joel Schumacher (who later homoeroticized Batman—not difficult, admittedly—by sticking nipples on the batsuit) revels in the connection in this movie in a way Twilight later deter- minedly, somewhat dismayingly avoids. Michael does at some point have what looks like deeply unsatisfying sex with Jami Gertz, but the person he gazes at with the most intensity is young Jack Bauer. And I haven’t even mentioned that Michael’s little brother Sam (Corey Haim), who dresses like he’s trying out for Wham!, has a poster on the door of his closet of Rob Lowe lifting up his shirt. Because sure, why not, right?

[cockholmsyndrome]

Honestly learning to put myself first and now worry about some guy who didn't like me/obsessing over finding some kind of romanic love and etc, changed my life. Like all those self esteem issues I had and a lot of the things I was putting on myself started to go away and it's helped me to become more happy and comfortable with myself and where I am in life

literally ive been alone for a majority of my life… and yes there have been a few moments where i wanna seek comfort by someone… but thats why i have friends???? thats why i have family??? im not even kidding, guys my age are assholes and i genuinely cannot take them seriously. i cant waste time with that fuckery. i wanna learn about myself first, fulfill my needs and my goals AND THEN i’ll give my attention to a man. i dont even think its fair to be dating someone when ive got so many things going on in my life. if i cant set time aside for you where im carefree and not intensely stressed, its not fair to date you. 

[ablesin]

this is just a bunch of thoughts ive had about waverly for the past while. meta rant with no real conclusion.

in season 1, it is alluded to on several occasions that willa isn’t quite human anymore.

willa herself also says “you weren’t the only one making promises in the dark.” 

consider: in the past, willa was approached by something similar to whatever is up with waverly.

it’s made pretty clear that willa still has her ‘own’ objective in season 1, she’s not possessed in the traditional sense. she wants to end the curse to ‘save everyone’ her reasoning is “if everyone is dead, they can’t suffer the curse” 

willa also didn’t display the same duality in her behaviour as waverly.

assuming whatever approached willa existed outside the barrier, it had no way of physically reaching her. instead it relied on emotions, whispered sweet lies to the broken teenager in the treehouse, and it slowly manipulated her until its darkness was a part of her. 

waverly was clearly drawn to the goo. she even took off her gloves to touch it, (which she would logically know not to do – so i’m thinking that it was calling for her, whispering.) and she finally absorbed it, which is why it could be so much more raw.

it’s physically inside her, it wasn’t a long vague process of whispers and the slow merging of minds. 

willa was corrupted while gooverly and waverly are still two clearly individual beings

in the first episode of season 2 we are introduced to the ‘devourer of souls’, and that entire Thing impied that Something is off with waverly’s soul. 

perhaps it’s “attached” to waverly’s soul. juan carlo talked about willa having darkness in her heart, which could also have been referring to her soul. [the differentiation between abstract and tangible matter becomes increasingly blurred when magic, demons and curses are in the playing field.]

so; gooey mc gooverson is attached to waverly’s soul. latched onto her, sort of like a parasite. a lot like a parasite.

we’ve seen waverly eat capital letter ‘W’ Weird Shit. A demon spider and a lipstick. neither of which she remembers. either the goo demon needs to get nutrition from somewhere other than waverly, or it has little impulse control and very weird and murder-y urges.

the demon is weakening her, and assuming it’s attached to her soul, it’s weakening her in an emotional aspect rather than a physical aspect. not to mention it seems able to be able to affect waverly’s memories. she hasn’t mentioned any memory gaps, but she also doesn’t remember eating her own lipstick.  

moving on:

waverly, sans goo, is a total mess.

she’s lived under the shadow of her family all her life. she has some serious identity issues. she prided herself in being an earp. 

now this might be a stretch, but isn’t it possible that working at shorty’s was so important for her because it was a solid identity for her, something feasible and constant. 

she’s always existing for someone other than herself while simultaneously being terrified that they’re going to leave her. that might be why she’s so intense. she does what she thinks others want her to do. 

and the whole shit with bobo and being an earp and willa bullying her? it’s brought up a Lot of bad memories. it took ages for her to be able to shut off that part of herself, the part that’s always thinking about death and sadness, to become the bubbly smiling happy go-lucky waitress at shorty’s.

and now she can’t shut that part off anymore. she cant repress anymore feelings. it’s all just there. 

and with her fear of abandonment i get the feeling that she’s prone to obsess over people and things in general.

i still can’t figure out why she doesn’t seem to take nicole’s job seriously though. either it’s because she’s been on the other side of that, not having her job be taken seriously by champ. regardless it’s prettttty disrespectful  >:(

and finally, she’s always had a wild libido and a penchant for violence. i mean, in her very first scene she’s threatening someone with a gun

as i said, theres no conclusion to this post. these were just some thoughts i’ve had about waverly so far.

[emotio-nality]

18 and 26 !! 🌺

ahhh thank you claire, sorry for the wait!! lov youuu

18. Obsession?

um okay so i dont actually know if im properly obsessed with anything at the moment? like i kinda go through phases for different things and stuff all the time. howeverrr one thing that ive been ‘obsessed’ with since i was like four years old, is orlando bloom (because oh my holy shit have you seen his beauty???? he is honestly a flippin beautiful human being and he is so pure and i love him)  i wouldnt exactly say that im still obsessed with him as the intensity has dramatically decreased as the years have gone on, like i still adore him, but i dont know if i would say that i was still obsessed with him.

OH but a current obsession is matcha icecream!! oh my gosh i love love love it, its so nice and clean tasting and just really nice

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

(ofc one of the best things was meeting you claire, bc you are truly one of the sweetest people ive ever had the pleasure of knowing) honestly cant really think of any actual single event apart from that hahah, so im just gonna say that moving from my primary school to our highschool was one of the best things to happen to me as it has seriously changed my life, 90% for the better, especially with all the good people i have met and become friends with (@ all my irl mutuals, i love y’all), so yeah

okay hopefully those are good enough answers, they were pretty difficult questions and i tried my best hahah