#ive seen it in more than one textbook

[literaryvein-reblogs]

4 Great Motives for Writing by George Orwell

George Orwell:

From a very early age, perhaps the age of five or six, I knew that when I grew up I should be a writer. Between the ages of about seventeen and twenty-four I tried to abandon this idea, but I did so with the consciousness that I was outraging my true nature and that sooner or later I should have to settle down and write books. Putting aside the need to earn a living, I think there are four great motives for writing, at any rate for writing prose. They exist in different degrees in every writer, and in any one writer the proportions will vary from time to time, according to the atmosphere in which he is living. They are:

(i) Sheer egoism. Desire to seem clever, to be talked about, to be remembered after death, to get your own back on grown-ups who snubbed you in childhood, etc., etc. It is humbug to pretend this is not a motive, and a strong one. Writers share this characteristic with scientists, artists, politicians, lawyers, soldiers, successful business men – in short, with the whole top crust of humanity. The great mass of human beings are not acutely selfish. After the age of about thirty they abandon individual ambition – in many cases, indeed, they almost abandon the sense of being individuals at all – and live chiefly for others, or are simply smothered under drudgery. But there is also the minority of gifted, willful people who are determined to live their own lives to the end, and writers belong in this class. Serious writers, I should say, are on the whole more vain and self-centered than journalists, though less interested in money.

(ii) Aesthetic enthusiasm. Perception of beauty in the external world, or, on the other hand, in words and their right arrangement. Pleasure in the impact of one sound on another, in the firmness of good prose or the rhythm of a good story. Desire to share an experience which one feels is valuable and ought not to be missed. The aesthetic motive is very feeble in a lot of writers, but even a pamphleteer or writer of textbooks will have pet words and phrases which appeal to him for non-utilitarian reasons; or he may feel strongly about typography, width of margins, etc. Above the level of a railway guide, no book is quite free from aesthetic considerations.

(iii) Historical impulse. Desire to see things as they are, to find out true facts and store them up for the use of posterity.

(iv) Political purpose – using the word ‘political’ in the widest possible sense. Desire to push the world in a certain direction, to alter other people’s idea of the kind of society that they should strive after. Once again, no book is genuinely free from political bias. The opinion that art should have nothing to do with politics is itself a political attitude.

It can be seen how these various impulses must war against one another, and how they must fluctuate from person to person and from time to time. By nature – taking your ‘nature’ to be the state you have attained when you are first adult – I am a person in whom the first three motives would outweigh the fourth. In a peaceful age I might have written ornate or merely descriptive books, and might have remained almost unaware of my political loyalties.

Looking back through the last page or two, I see that I have made it appear as though my motives in writing were wholly public-spirited. I don’t want to leave that as the final impression. All writers are vain, selfish, and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives there lies a mystery. Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist or understand. For all one knows that demon is simply the same instinct that makes a baby squall for attention. And yet it is also true that one can write nothing readable unless one constantly struggles to efface one’s own personality. Good prose is like a windowpane. I cannot say with certainty which of my motives are the strongest, but I know which of them deserve to be followed. And looking back through my work, I see that it is invariably where I lacked a political purpose that I wrote lifeless books and was betrayed into purple passages, sentences without meaning, decorative adjectives and humbug generally.

Published in Gangrel, No. 4, Summer 1946

More: George Orwell

[ao3-rex1223]

Twist Me series: part I, part III, part IV

Pairing: Professor!Leon x fem!reader

Warnings: Smut, Porn, Vaginal, Sex, Blow Jobs, Mildly Dubious Consent, Desk Sex, Creampie, Spanking, One Night Stands, Thigh Fucking

Summary: Sequel to "Twist My Words". You haven't stopped thinking about fucking Leon for a good grade at the end of last semester. One casual hook up with a frat boy ends up in some unintended consequences. When Professor Kennedy comes to the library where you work looking for a textbook. One thing leads to another...

A/N: I'm finally out of Tumblr Jail! I guess this blog got flagged as "spam" somehow? But to celebrate getting released, here's my newest Leon Kennedy fic!

“Fuck! I'm gonna cum!” the frat boy moans as he shoots his load inside you. You're not even sure you remember his name. It's something like Jason or Jeremy or…Jesse? Oh well; who cares? It's not like he even got you close to climaxing….not like with Professor Kennedy back at the end of last semester. God, that was the most incredible sex you've ever had! The memories of that day have been in your spank bank ever since. You had fucked him for a good grade but haven't really seen him since; you're not in his class or anything this semester so you don't really cross now.

The frat boy with the J-name releases your ankles from his shoulders and gets off you, wiping his cock dry with a towel he grabbed from his floor, one that likely has seen its fair share of jizz. He offers you the towel and you silently decline with a wave of your hand and a mildly scrunched face. You quickly dress, trying to suppress a look of disgust as you feel his cum oozing out of your cunt. You slip out of his room and go back downstairs to the party that's still going on, its guests seemingly unaware of but not likely to be surprised by the fact that you hooked up with one of the hosts. It's the Friday night before spring break so everyone is out partying. You grab another Soho cup and fill it with the concoction of punch and whatever alcohol with which it's been spiked then take a big swing, hoping to wipe the disappointing experience Mr J-name called ‘sex’.

Your heart skips a beat as you hear a few students talk about Mr Kennedy. It seems like they're all taking his class this semester. One of them calls your name. “Did you just hook up with James!?” A petite girl asks. She looks like she's too young to be drinking, yet still has a cup with the boozy punch in it. Her tone is accusatory, like she's jealous.

“James! That was his name!” You reply, more so to yourself than her. You keep walking, uncaring of her perturbed state. She doesn't know how lucky she is! She gets to see Mr Kennedy every day! Your mood progressively sours and you decide to leave the party early. You unlock the door to your dorm and dump your keys on the desk. You kick the door closed with your foot and mosey to your room.

As you lie on your bed, you replay your tryst with Professor Kennedy in your mind. Your hand travels along your body, touching and caressing. You knead and squeeze your breasts, remembering the feel of his dick inside you, thrusting hard and hitting your cervix like an aggressive salesman knocking on a door. You moan and kick your pants and panties off, hand trailing south towards your wet folds. You recall the feeling of him bending you over his desk and holding you down roughly as you start stroking your clit, the pads of your fingers doing their best to stimulate you like he could. You start to pant, the tension in your belly building steadily. Slick coats your fingers and leaks down your ass cheeks. You rub faster and faster, playing the sound of his voice in your mind again…

…“That's a good girl.” … “Choke on my cock like a - ah - good little slut. You want an A, sweetheart? Better - mf - suck this dick like your grade depends on it…

You inhale sharply and cum hard on your fingers. You lay there, boneless, for a moment before rising out of bed to clean yourself up. After you wash your hands, you climb back into bed and fall asleep.

Monday morning you stroll into the library to work the front desk; your student job since you've been going here. Since it's spring break, it's very dead on campus. There's maybe one or two graduate students scattered about the whole building. You lean your head on your knuckles while you sit completely bored, staring at your computer screen with the list of overdue books. It's your job to send out reminder emails to everyone who needs to return what they've rented. No one is going to read them today, you figure. Everyone is on vacation…except you. You decided to stay behind and make some easy money.

“Hey!” You hear a voice sharply rip you from your wandering thoughts. It was harsh, like the owner of that voice had already tried at least once to get your attention. You look up to see him on the other side of the circulation desk.

Your jaw briefly drops, followed by a quick recovery. You swallow hard and straighten up. “Professor Kennedy! What can I do for you?” you ask, a little too eagerly.

He smirks meanly. “I'm looking for the Litigator's Handbook of Forensic Medicine, Psychiatry, and Psychology. Volume 2,” he states, as if he's pissed off that it's not already in his hands.

You nod and quickly type the name into your computer to find where the text is. Shit. “I'm sorry, Professor…all our copies are out right now.”

The professor glares at you, like it's somehow your fault. You look into more detail on who has the books and realize one is due back today. “There should be one available later today,” you add, but know very well there's a high chance it just won't get returned. Still, you're willing to say anything to make him happy.

His glare neutralizes into an unreadable expression. Then, with just a hint of a smirk he replies, “great. Bring it to my office then.” He turns and walks out before you can protest and tell him the library doesn't deliver.

But an idea pops into your head and sends a jolt of arousal to your sex. Maybe he'll be grateful for that delivery…

After trying numerous times to contact the professor who has the book you need, you finally get a hold of her and retrieve the book. With a big, dumb grin on your face, you high tail it over to Professor Kennedy’s office. You knock eagerly on his door.

“Come in,” he calls from inside his office, his tone neutral. You open the door and see him behind his desk typing into his computer, his expression unreadable.

“Professor Kennedy, I brought you the textbook you were looking for,” you announce. His office isn't much different than when you were in it last time…naked and getting deliciously fucked by him. Your pussy throbs at the memories that come rushing back.

He gestures with his hand to come toward him without looking up from his computer. You walk to him, holding the textbook.

“Desk,” he commands, still engrossed in whatever he's working on. You set the book down and turn to leave, convinced you're not going to make any worthy progress with him. You let out a silent sigh and head for the door. “Did I say you could leave?” He asks. You spin around. He's finally looking at you.

You stare back at him, mouth agape. “Wh-what?” Your heart starts to race; your palms sweat.

He lets out a snort. “Desk,” he repeats with the slightest smirk. His eyes flicker to the surface of his desk, the very same one where you just dropped the book.

You don't realize you're holding your breath as you walk toward him. Before you can even hop up on his desk he grabs your hips tightly and pins you between his body and the edge of the desk.

“Open your fucking mouth,” he demands.

Your lips part only just slightly and his tongue is inside your mouth, attacking yours. Your rational thought is quickly slipping away as your fingers tangle into his hair. His hands slip underneath the hem of your shirt, rubbing your bare waist with his thumbs. The tingles shooting through your body could make you jump out of your own skin. You suck on his tongue, the memory of his dick in your mouth rushing back into your mind.

He slides his hands up further, pushing your shirt with it. He breaks the kiss only for a second to pull your shirt over your head and toss it to the side before roughly grabbing your breast through your lace bra and claiming your mouth again. You reach behind yourself and unclasp your bra. Before you can move your hands, he grips your wrists tightly and holds them behind your back. He kisses, licks, and even bites down onto your neck. “Did you think I wouldn't fucking find out?” he asks with a gruff whisper in your ear. He nips at your neck again.

“Wh-what?” You manage to gasp out. Your head falls to one side, giving him better access to your neck.

He laughs meanly. “I have eyes and ears all over this school, sweetheart.” He gently kisses your neck. “Don't think for a second that you could get away with fucking some dumb ass frat boy without me knowing.” He nips at your pulse, dragging his teeth across your neck. “Don't move,” he commands darkly and lets go of your hands long enough to remove his tie and use it to secure your wrists behind your back. He cups your face, kissing you hungrily again. One hand slides down and cups your breasts. You feel his erection straining in his pants and pressing against your hip. “I think I need to teach you another lesson, sweetheart.” He breaks the kiss and smirks wickedly.

He pushes you down to your knees and slowly unbuckles his belt then tosses it aside. He unzips his pants and frees his cock - God, it's bigger than you remember. He strokes it a few times and shoves it into your waiting mouth. Hands grip the sides of your face, pushing you further onto his shaft. He combs your hair with his fingers, holding it all back with one hand fisted tightly, forming a handle with which he can control your head. “That's my good little slut. Suck my fucking cock,” he growls as he fucks your face. “You love this don't you? Letting me fuck you again and you're not even in my class. Fuck. I've been waiting to fuck you again for months. Can't stop thinking about your sweet mouth and your tight pussy,” he coos and gently runs a finger down the side of your face. You fight to hold back the tears pooling in your eyes as you resist gagging on the fat dick in your mouth.

But he's right. You do love it, you crave it, you need it. You suck him greedily, ecstatic to even have the chance to gag on his dick. Precum coats the back of your throat and you moan loudly. Your pussy is throbbing, aching to be touched but with your hands tied behind your back, you can't touch it. His grip on your hair tightens and it makes you wetter. You can tell he's close, but before he can cum, he pulls your face away. He pants, looking like he wants to say something but is at a loss for words. He growls and pulls you up, spins you around and shoves you over his desk. You feel your pants and panties being yanked off of you together. His chest presses against your back, holding you in place against his desk, still covered with papers. You glance to the side and see the textbook you brought; your ticket back to Professor Kennedy and his magnificent cock. He slides his cock between your thighs, gliding under your cunt. He's teasing you. His shaft is coated in your slick, so much so it's about to start dripping down his balls.

“You're so fucking wet, sweetheart. Gonna cum all over my cock before I've even fucked you?” He runs his hands all over your naked body, reminding himself of what he believes belongs to him.

“Please! Please! Please! Fuck me, Professor! Please! Fuck! I can't take it!” You beg, a few tears leaking from your eyes. You feel like you'll spontaneously combust if you don't feel his cock fill you up soon.

A loud smack fills the air followed by a stinging on your ass cheek. More slick gushes from your dripping wet sex. “Ah, ah, ah, sweetheart. You don't call the shots. I do. And you still need to learn your lesson. So, for now, I'm gonna fuck your cute little thighs…nice and slow.”

It's torture as you feel his length slide back and forth between your thighs, ghosting your clit and sending jolts of pleasure through you but not nearly enough to cum. Your moans fade into whimpers and crescendo back into moans.

He plays with you for a while, never increasing his pace. You're crying, you're so desperate for release. “Tell me, sweetheart, was it worth it? Fucking that worthless frat boy?” He slaps your ass again. “Did he make you cum?”

You bite your lip. “...no…”

He laughs, as if he already knew the answer but it made it that much sweeter to hear it from your own lips. His hand rubs up your back and slides around your throat, squeezing gently and turning you on even more. “Did you let him cum inside you?” He asks, his voice dark and devoid of any humor. You know he's not going to like your answer.

“...yes…” you confess; you're certainly in no position to lie to him. Another smack hits your ass cheek along with that delicious sting. You don't need to see his face to know he's pissed. He rubs the spot tenderly then slaps it once more.

“Learn your lesson yet, sweetheart?” He asks, delivering another slap. His hips continue to move his dick between your thighs at a snail's pace.

You cry out for release. “What!? What is it!? What am I supposed to learn!?”

Leon stops moving and positions the head of his cock at your entrance, locked and ready to fill you with one thrust. He grips your waist with both hands, tightly, to keep you from pushing your hips back and impaling yourself on his cock before he decides to give it to you. He leans in slowly and gently whispers in your ear, “that you're fucking mine.” With that, he slams his cock inside you, fucking you ruthlessly. Your eyes roll back into your head. Finally, the addicting sensation of being filled by him is yours to savor once again. His fat, long dick hits your cervix over and over, rubbing your g-spot perfectly. It doesn't take you long to cum, screaming his name, panting, and gasping as you catch your breath. He doesn't slow his pace; instead he maintains, fucking you hard and fast as your walls contract and relax around him. He draws out your orgasm, reaching around to squeeze your throat again with one hand and rubbing your clit with the other. Where you were just parched for pleasure, you're now overstimulated, between his hard and fast thrusts and his rough circles on your clit, you're about to combust yet again. He leans forward once more, biting and sucking on your neck, leaving deliberate marks. “In case any other fucking frat boys get any ideas about touching you,” he growls. You cum again, the pain and pleasure enough to send you over the edge a second time. You're covered in sweat and your body is sliding easily on his desk.

Leon slams his hips forward hard, sheathing himself balls deep inside you as he cums, his dick exploding with jizz all over the entrance to your womb. He holds you on the desk with his hands as the last globs of cum shoot out from his tip. Then, he leans down and tenderly kisses your neck. He helps you up from the desk, releases your hands from his tie, and even helps you dress.

“You know, if it's any consolation, I don't even remember that frat boy's name,” you admit.

“James C. Harold,” Leon rattles off without hesitation.

Your eyes widen. “How did you…?”

He leans in closer, looming over you. His smirk is nearly audible. “I had him expelled.” He hooks his finger into the waistband of your jeans and pulls you to him. “You. Are. Mine.” He growls then kisses you possessively. “Is that clear?”

[thelikesoffinn]

hiiiii so have you heard about astarion actually having DID? (dissociative identity disorder in case you don't kno) ive seen that a few times on tiktok now and i thought i finna ask you about it because that shiz is wiiild to me. like girl wtf.

TW: Dissociative Identity Disorder He's got...what. Just what.

What in the world is TikTok cooking up now? Like, what in the world? I myself don't use TikTok, so I've never heard this before but damn. Damn.

Flower, I'm not gonna lie, this confuses me more than the 'his crying is a sign that not ascending is the bad choice'. Because this? This is wild, you're so right. This is more than wild, this is the wildest shit.

DID is such a highly specific disorder, why would anyone get the idea Astarion could have that? (Once again, I'm not standing in the way of anyones headcanons, play around as you like, but heavens, no. I don't see that at all.)

Over the entire game, I haven't seen a singular sign that could point towards DID. And yes, sure, one could say 'well Alters are meant to protect the system to the shift is not obvious so Astarion's alter called Astorian could just be hiding it really well' which...yeah, okay, that's true I'll hand them that but there's other signs apart from the shifting alters that Astarion simply doesn't display.

He might have some common comorbidities, but if we go just by that he could have pretty much any other disorder known to man because so so many of them come with the same comorbidities. That is why diagnosing people accurately is so difficult.

Also - DID is developed in early childhood. Mostly in children before the age of nine who experienced extreme trauma. And yes, while Astarion WAS abused and his abuse would definitely be enough for that, he wasn't a child. I mean, come on, he was 36. And yes, that is young for elves but it's still a blown arse adult. It just doesn't make sense.

And, can I just step away from my social worker self and into my writer self for a hot second? I usually try not to, but it's necessary here.

Astarion's trauma and the resulting behavioural patterns exist to add complexity and depth to his character. They are devices used so that he isn't just the campy cunty vampire. We are supposed to see his layers, to see that he is more than just the rude pretty boy. We are supposed to make connections between his behaviour and how Cazador treated him, which is why his behaviour is as obvious and textbook as it is. It's a glaring neon sign made for us so that we understand the character and endear him to us.

That is why they are there.

Anything used in a story is there for a reason. Everything is used to drive the story forward and carry it into the authors chosen direction. It would make absolutely zero sense to give Astarion a disorder as rare, as misunderstood and as interesting as DID and not mention it. That would be so. much. wasted story telling potential.

It just doesn't make sense, absolutely not.

And I'm not saying DID wouldn't make for an interesting story - quite the opposite. I think the community could thrive on some destigmatisation because all the DID characters I've ever seen were crazily homicidal maniacs and it'd be nice to see a character that is displaying DID in the proper way, but Astarion simply isn't it.

He really really isn't.

TikTok is throwing around wild theories every day it seems, I'm really truly baffled!

[shiikiyun]

ive never seen people talk about the potential of the futa/mu dynamic (outside of milgram, normal au if u will) even though there's a fair amount of fanart of them? it makes me a little sad cause theyre very dear to me

Mostly think of it like. Something that stands out to me from Futa in t1 is how he seemed to eb trying very hard to take care of the younger ones (explicitly so with haruka, scolding amane for not eating her food) and from what we know he's the only younger brother in his family. Both this things (and the fact that hes so easily amazed by anything cool yuno does w tricks she shows her little brother as some sort of. parallel that he probably was like that w his sister too sjfkfn) always made me believe he just really wanted to be an older brother and it just never happened... cue Mu, only child, incredibly spoiled but with no real familial connection beyond (what we assume was) an bond based on material things with her parents

In general, theyre just a funny duo, she annoys the hell out of him and hes reactionary, textbook of generic sibling bond in like any media. But theyre both caring, and although both have heir flaws, Futa's (canonically described as) kindhearted nature despite his embarrassment on being anything emotional would probably help Mu understand that bonds arent a transaction, and people (herself included) dont become worthless or disposable if they cant meet that transaction (seriously stress on herself included). As well as helping with guidance, which sure futa is not the best example in a lot of things, but hey, its more genuine than what it seems to be the case w mu's parents

Idk its 4 am and theyre in my brain just wanted to ramble a bit lol

[atthebell]

do you know any good free spanish courses out there? im doing some of the busuu course bc it helped me quite a bit w pt but it seems to lean somewhat towards eu spanish than latin american spanish which is what im going for (sorry im sure you've already answered this, you were just the first person i thought of that learned esp as a foreign language)

in terms of busuu, ill add that their portuguese also leaned a bit towards european portuguese at times (which was part of why i stopped using it-- also bc the focus on travel vocab was not helpful for me personally)

for spanish, i learned it in school growing up, so unfortunately i don't have a ton of recommendations for self-study/online free courses. i have some stuff in my language learning tag that might help, but i don't have any personal experience with those methods since i learned it in a fairly straightforward academic setting and also by proxy of living in sd. i know some of the resources ive reblogged before do have some solid testimonies from folks, and if anyone else has recommendations, feel free to send them.

i will say that in terms of language learning in an academic setting, i do personally find that kind of structure helpful, especially in terms of accountability, but i think any method that involves consistent practice and some level of immersion (this can mean talking to native speakers or consuming a lot of media in your target language) is beneficial regardless. i got a really strong basis for language learning across the board (vocabulary for certain things, understanding roots and parts of speech, etc.) partially through having a really strong foundation in english and through how i initially learned spanish, and in my opinion it's made every language ive learned since far easier than it would have been otherwise. i was lucky that i really enjoy language learning and have always had an interest in it and my teachers were pretty solid most of the time and helped to create that foundation. ill add here that a lot of u.s. americans (and from what ive seen, plenty of other english speakers) don't learn certain terms that describe language functions and that makes it more difficult to learn any other languages-- my first spanish teacher had to teach us all what a preterite was, for example, and i still don't know most tense names in english, only in spanish 😭

i would suggest finding at least one textbook to use alongside any other methods (there are free ones linked in my tag) so that you have some clear direction and explanation of concepts, in case that isn't present in other resources.

also my biggest rec is always to find something you really enjoy and take part in it in your target language; if that means music, there is no shortage of music in spanish, if it means tv shows or movies or even setting whatever game you're playing in spanish, you can do that. i always recommend, once you get to a certain level, trying to read a book you've read before in your target language-- that means you'll be pretty familiar with the english and will make reading through it easier, plus you'll pick up new vocab for things you're familiar with already. and of course there's always watching streams. if you want to learn how to swear possibly more than anyone else on this planet, you can watch roier 🩷 please don't talk to strangers like how he talks though 😭 ill never forget foolish calling rubius a pendejo and him being like does he fucking hate me...

[mxrtified777]

okay, i completely switched gears to somewhat coherent ideas, thoughts, and rambling instead of an essay. this doesn't really have anything new or groundbreaking, its more or less just me thinking out loud about nevin; so here, take what ive written in the last 2 hours

☆ I don’t believe that Nevin has the textbook-definition of a victim complex; he’s obviously going to be more complex than the first google result of a Victim Complex/Mentality, but he absolutely shares behaviors and tendencies with said textbook-definitions. He has been shown to deflect blame (“I’m sorry you feel…” / “I-I… It wasn’t a fight, I didn’t hit him, he…”), as well as (seemingly) having a tendency to catastrophize (“...No… but Nevin tends to assume the worst,...”). A key difference between him and a typical victim mentality is his optimism. He believes that things can and will get better and that he has control over elements in his own life. (“I wouldn’t say it’s too late.” / “The only way to go is forward. As someone who has lived in four different states, things aren’t going to stay the same forever.”) He’s hyper-vigilant about possible threats due to negative past experiences, particularly about people (loud coughing Edward). This is shown through Nevin complaining about Drew’s choice of friends, both being people that Nevin actively dislikes and doesn’t trust. (“Is that fucking Quinton?” … “Where the hell are you going with him? / “I said, I'll tell you later,” … “I can’t talk about this right now.” / “Have you been hanging around him behind my back?”)

☆ Nevin doesn’t actively use his trauma to elicit sympathy from others. The thing that separates Nevin from a victim complex the most is intention. He isn’t like “boohoo im so traumatized no one likes me let me do what i want im so damaged”. When he’s talking about his personal hardships and emotions (a rare occurrence) he’s not doing it to manipulate others into feeling sorry for him, he’s literally just sharing how he feels. So his feelings of being a victim are internal for the most part, but. I mean. Yeah, he was the victim

☆ Chris’s tendency to be blamed for things paired with Nevin’s tendency to deflect blame is. It's not going to be fun. Because yes, Chris is a pushover, but he didn’t hesitate to call out Nevin for being unreasonable in their bathroom screaming match. What I'm wondering is how/if this will alter as their relationship develops; will Chris become more tolerant of Nevin’s unjust behavior? Will Chris call him out for outbursts like this in the future, and will Nevin take offense to it?

☆ This is why you do your research, kids. So you don’t prepare for 5 hours for an essay and then you realize your topic makes no sense and can’t actually be proven

☆ Nevin lashing out when offered help by Drew (“What do you think you’re doing?... / “I’m healing you. What do you think?” / “You shouldn’t have. I did this to myself.”) is also considered to be a common behavior for people with a victim mentality. This scene also makes me wonder about how Nevin reacts to being helped/assisted, and a step further than that, being coddled/babied. He’s been the caregiver all his life. He’s been the protector; suddenly, having the tables being flipped on him where he’s the one being cared for is gonna be fun to watch. Like don’t get me wrong, Grandma Jovel is an awesome parent, nothing but unconditional love for her, but it’s obviously gonna be different coming from say Drew or Chris, and it’s also gonna be different between those two as well. We’ve already seen Drew be kind of that way with Nevin, at the end of their argument (“You’re not alone, Nevin. You have me,” … “Even so… I do need to be a part of this because I love you, and I don’t want you to feel alone.” / “Drew, stop that…” … “You’re going to make me cry, too.”)

thanks for coming to what i spent a collective 6 hours on today, im gonna return to being Silly with my boys now

[clownsalot]

yea ok i know im not the only one voicing concerns over amane getting forgiven this trial but. i am actually so worried for what'll happen if she is so im going to talk about it anyway

longish post?? i think?? so uh. read more

- on the one hand, the one everyone talks about: shidou's physical safety. this one's obvious

you can argue that amane is 12 and shidou is a grown ass man more than twice her age but also;;;; a lot of theories ive seen of amane also include her victim being an adult. 12 years old or not, there's a lot you can do with a weapon when you catch someone off guard, and shidou isn't exactly fit to fight someone off, even a 12 year old on adrenaline. also given how he's working himself to the bone keeping mahiru alive and taking care of fuuta he's probably not going to be all that alert to his surroundings either. though with kazui once again innocent leaning, hopefully this concern can be set aside for a while.

- on the other hand, what worries me more (ie making me shit my fucking pants in fear) is that there's another real threat amane poses that can't be solved by kazui being forgiven: amane is trying to convert fuuta.

(from fuuta's 2023 birthday timeline on the wiki)

shidou's safety can be accounted for, but whay about fuuta? fuuta, whose mental health is going to shit and at an all time low; fuuta, desperate for anything that'll give him a sense of safety and security? right now fuuta is a textbook example of someone vulnerable to cult indoctrination, which amane will happily provide. there was also @vampuppyy 's post (that i agree with and also makes other good points) that mentioned this could be compounded if amane is forgiven as well. hell, fuuta's second trial voice drama is even named BAPTISM OF FIRE.

if amane is forgiven this trial, someone is definitely getting hurt.

- the threat amane poses aside however, i do have my own reasons for voting her guilty this round beyond her potential to hurt someone. and it's that i don't think forgiving her is actually going to do her much good??

(amane's second trial voiceline, also from the wiki)

she says she'll forgive us for trial 1 and to think about our verdict again carefully with the implication that she expects to be forgiven this round. i think forgiving her this round will do nothing but just tell her 'we were wrong to not forgive you the first time, your cult beliefs are right actually. thank you for your generosity, please take this as an apology for our mistake' which does nothing but reinforce her belief that she's righteous in her cult mentality, especially if we're right about her murder being partially motivated by her believing her victim also broke one of the cult's tenets. she's going to turn out like muu singing about how 'it's not my fault' won't she?

i get why people are forgiving her this round and im not saying it's wrong (honestly good for amane for killing her abuser!! you go girl slay), but imo it's not the best decision to make right now given the circumstances. of course milgram's strict innocent/guilty system doesn't allow for any kind of nuance, and i do realize a guilty won't be good for her either, but i think doubling down on the guilty and not forgiving her this round might be the better decision in the long run. if we still want to forgive her, we always have trial 3 to do it anyway

(honestly i think if we wanted to forgive her it should've been in trial 1—but there's nothing we can do about that anymore, all we can do now is play damage reduction trying to fix what went wrong after the trial 1 results)

so uh. yeah that's all the reasons im guilty voting amane this trial 👍 i hope this was coherent

[ase-trollplays]

--resilientRust [RR] began trolling chronicallyMousy [CM]--

--resilientRust [RR] began trolling chronicallyMousy [CM]--

RR: Howdy, miss ma'am. You got a minute?

CM: ...of course...

CM: ...you didnt beat up another werewolf did you?...

RR: Haha, nah, nothing like that tonight.

RR: Just feeling powerful hivesick tonight. I really took my desert for granted.

RR: It was always quiet and peaceful, not a soul around except your last moirail.

RR: Stars in the sky shining bright and beautiful like nothing you've ever seen.

RR: I miss it. I miss home. This city life ain't doing it for me. I'm a country gal, pupated and raised. This city's starting to feel like just another cage.

RR: I didn't realize just how much this place sucks until I came back from getting Pa to stop waiting for me and leave. It felt so good to be back there, and now being back here just.

RR: I hate it here. I fucking hate it here.

CM: ...im s-sorry... )//:3 ...i can imagine how you feel... ...if i had to leave the forest and s-stay in the city... i would have a terrible time adjusting...

CM: ...itll get better... though... ...its not the desert you grew up in... but its not all bad... right?... ...it has to be nice not having to ride forty-five minutes each way every couple of weeks for necessities...

CM: ...and theres a lot more to do in the city than when you were out in the desert... ...theres a mall... a movie theater... lots of places to shop and eat...

RR: I appreciate what you're saying, but this place will never feel like home. Not like I knew it.

CM: ...thats true... ...itll never be like the desert... but that doesnt have to be a bad thing... ...if nothing else... youre s-somewhere youre s-safe from being found or turned in...

CM: ...just keep giving it time... ...it wont feel like a cage forever... (//:3

RR: It does when I'm not safe outside of it. Even when they eventually give up trying to find me

RR: Which could be sweeps from now

RR: I'm never going to be safe outside of here except at you or Dan's hives, and I can't go to either of y'all's hives too often or I could lead trouble to you.

RR: God, and there's so many fucking bars and shit here. I've got so much more free time since I lost my job that I'm going insane.

CM: ...is there an alcoholics anonymous or s-something there?...

RR: Nope. I tried finding one first thing after I got settled, and I don't know shit about starting one.

RR: Watching tv and going through the same fucking textbooks over and over gets real old after a while.

CM: ...maybe you could join a gym?... ...i remember you had a bunch of weights and equipment at your old hive... ...s-since you dont have room for any of that anymore... going to a gym is s-something constructive you can do...

CM: ...you like working out and exercising... ...maybe you can even take darius once in a while s-so you two can hang out more...

RR: I have been getting a little soft lately. Maybe I'll look for one. Pushups, situps, and squats at home only do so much maintenance.

CM: ...exactly...

RR: Maybe I'll take you with me. It could be a nice bonding experience.

CM: ...i dont know about that... ...im not the most athletic or s-strong... S//:3

RR: All the more reason to go, and if anyone gives you shit I'll break their spine.

CM: ...please dont s-start fights... especially not for my s-sake... ...losing your temper is what started all this in the first place...

RR: Relax, you know I'm only joking.

CM: ...are you...

RR: I'm mostly joking. Like ninety percent joking.

CM: |//:3

RR: Don't gimme that face. I promise I won't fight anyone.

CM: ...you know... s-since you have a lot of time now... you could give therapy a try... ...you dont have to go in person... ...a lot of them do virtual appointments... and ive been researching trauma therapists that s-specialize in working with trolls with PTSD and other issues...

RR: I told you I'm not going. And I don't have PTSD. And even if I do, it's not that serious.

CM: ...yes it is... and you need to s-stop denying it... ...im just trying to help you... and believe me when i s-say it would help you a lot...

RR: I. Don't. Need. It.

RR: End of story. Keep it up and I'm signing off.

CM: ...okay... ...im s-sorry... ...i wont bring it up again...

RR: Thank you. That's all I'm asking for.

RR: I'll start looking for a gym, but I can't spend every night there. That's still not gonna be enough to really keep me busy and out of trouble.

CM: ...maybe you can get another job...

RR: Like what? I don't have any working experience except fighting and fight-related shit.

RR: I don't have the patience for working with the public either. We know I don't. First time someone gives me a little too much lip I'll hop the counter.

CM: ...yeah... you would... )//:3

CM: ...what about a warehouse or a factory job?...

CM: ...theyre fast paced... you dont have customers to deal with... and they pay well... ...they also have long hours... and usually only have you work four days a week... s-so youd s-still have time for other things...

RR: How do you know so much about factory and warehouse jobs? Have you worked one before?

CM: ...no... ...when you first told me what happened to your job... i s-started looking up other jobs for you...

RR: Well that's mighty kind of you. I'm surprised you didn't tell me about them long before now.

CM: ...i was working through my own issues... not to mention the time ive been s-spending with varoll... ...plus... i had a mountain of commissions i needed to catch up on...

CM: ...it s-slipped my mind for a while...

RR: Well, better late than never. I'll see if there's anything close I can apply to. Considering there's a lot of other felons here and a lot of anti-empire sentiment, hopefully they won't sell me out.

CM: ...just be extra... extra careful...

RR: I'm planning on it. Don't worry your pretty little head about that.

CM: (//:3

CM: ...if you want... i can head out there and visit...

RR: I don't think meemaw would want that since she can't fit in my apartment, and I know we'd both feel awful leaving her all alone outside.

RR: Tell you what. I'll come to you instead. How's that sound?

CM: ...s-sounds good to me... ...when are you planning on coming over?... o//:3

RR: Shoot, I can head over right now. I ain't doing nothing but sitting around looking ugly.

RR: It shouldn't take me longer than thirty minutes to get to you. I just filled Cherry up last night, so she's good to go.

CM: ...okay... ...ill make us s-something to eat...

RR: Sounds good to me. See you soon. <>

CM: ...s-see you s-soon... <>

--resilientRust [RR] gave up trolling chronically Mousy [CM]--

[geodetojoy]

ALRIGHTY i am no longer busy so heres my full thoughts on Newsies :DDD

tagging @royallygray and @mysteriouswolf if yall wanna read :D

ok this shit got LONG so the rest is under the cut

GOD where do I even start its beautiful its wonderful its emotional i love it so much

Ill try not to copy my intermission thoughts too much (if you havent seen those here they are)

Ok lets talk about the history of it. A quick google search says its based on a strike in 1899, and Roosevelt ran for presidency in 1901, so we'll just say the musical takes place in 1899 too (correct me if theres a different confirmed time).

During this time, work conditions are absolute shit, monopolies and trusts are on the rise, and the concept of a union has recently emerged. I really didnt need to say much of this bc its apparent in the musical, but i love historically accurate stuff so deal with it /lh

And in the musical we see the beginnings of Roosevelt's trust-busting and ideas of social equality that he acts on during his presidency (it also kinda ties into his environmentalism stuff a bit too!)

And after reading up a bit on the strike the musical was based on, a lot of the effects of the strike in the musical were historically accurate too! the newsboys could sell back papers they werent able to sell on the streets, but the price was unfortunately not yet lowered. (also, the names of the publishers in the show are historically accurate as well!!! makes my little history brain happy :DDD )

SO whats the point of all of my rambling here?

people make historical art all of the time. we see it in musicals like Annie, Hamilton, and so so many more. obviously this goes beyond musicals here, but since newsies is a musical ill try to stay with that topic.

anyway, we learn about history to learn from it. we see these past issues that our previous generations struggled with, in these art forms as to be easily digestible, and we discover their solutions. we get to see the humanity behind the issues and the conflicts they faced to overcome them. and ofc its not the only reason, but one reason these stories are told with art is to bring attention to them. people are way more likely to listen to music than study a historical textbook. so, they make it entertaining. they make relatable and lovable characters. they make people care about the show and subsequently the issue itself. all of this is to explain how and why things that happened in history are bad as to never repeat them again.

We see these topics of worker mistreatment, corrupt businesses, child labor, gender/sex inequality, and the class separation all brought to the spotlight in this show, and it does a damn good job of showing the pain and suffering they cause. the story of this show is incredible and so very important to learn about.

OK now onto the actual musical itself im done nerding out

ive done a lot of charater analysis already in that intermission post bUT WHO SAYS I CANT DO MORE HAHA

im saving jack for last bc theres so much to unpack there

KATHERINE MY LOVE <3333

Everything about her being a girlboss absolutely remains the same shes INCREDIBLE

and holy shit PULITZER'S HER DAD???? i love her even more. she directly ran away from an easy life to follow her own dreams and pursue her own passion from scratch. incredible. inspiring. mwah

i also just love her personality. shes so bubbly and happy and passionate and bright and optomistic shes the best <3

oh god crutchie. hes absolutely my favorite btw im sorry everyone else i adore him <33333

GOD his prison song actually killed me. im fully dead. deceased.

THE NEWSIES ARE SUCH A FAMILY GAHHH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH RAHHHH

the sheer ecstasy i felt when he came back and hit Snyder with his cane i could not stop stimming MY BOYYYY

the absolute definition of sunshine character. he sees everything as glass half full and wants just the brightest future he deserves the absolute world

and ik i talked about it earlier but i adore how they take such a neutral opinion about his leg. people give him shit for it, and his brother beat them to a pulp. its just a part of him and they love his whole being, so why would they not love that about him too?

Les only got better as the show went on. i thought he was a smartass before LMAOO

AND THE DATE BIT??? WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM???? AND IT JUST NEVER GETS BROUGHT UP AGAIN LMAO WHAT

i think the biggest change i felt towards a character was Davey

he grew on me soooooo much his character growth is everything to me

he went from trying to stay out of their business to teaching them what a union was to helping them start it to running it himself when jack ran off to convincing jack to come back when times got tough he is sooo important to the story

and to me. hes important to me <3

OH AND RACE

i saw people mention the name before but i didnt know which he was until they addressed him directly I LOVE THAT GUYYY

especially in king of new york hes got such a big personality what a silly guy

OK now for the guy the silly the mc jack

At the beginning he is entirely driven by both his love for his family and ofc his dream of living in Santa Fe, but atm hes just trying to get by so hes more focused on the newsies. but a boy can dream

then he gets all caught up in the strike business and only focuses on that for a while bc he wants to protect his boys

then shit goes south. they get essentially jumped, and crutchie gets hurt and arrested.

and he thinks, what was it all for? if he couldnt protect his brother (never living that down btw), whats the point of even trying to strike anymore

so he changes his focus back to santa fe. the one thing hes still got going for him.

and he gets confronted by katherine, les, and davey, and they knock some sense into him. stopping the strike isnt going to take away any of the harm done. the danger is expected, theres no way any of this could go down without some form of a casualty. so why not try to do something about it. the only way to make this situation better is to get back in the game and keep pushing for change.

and ofc the thing with katherine which ill talk abt a bit more later

in all of this, something in him changes. he dreamed of santa fe, a simpler life, one where he didnt have to worry about having to afford food and clothing for the next day.

but what he never considered was the loneliness. sure, he offered to bring crutchie and katherine with him, but hed be leaving behind so many more. and thats when he realized he never needed to get out, he just needed things to change a bit. and they did! because of the strike, living became so much more affordable. no it wasnt perfect, but it was enough to be safe and secure, just like he wanted. and he had his family beside him the whole time.

ill admit that before i sat and thought about it for a while, this ending was really unsatisfactory to me. i mean we got how many santa fe reprises? all for naught?

but in reality, santa fe would never be enough for him. hes just so used to this life surrounded by the people he cares most about and doing everything in his power to protect him, hed just be so bored, so understimulated, and hed just continue to yearn for more. that path of wanting would never come to a conclusion and hed live his life never truly being happy. so i really do thing he made the right choice in staying, because new york became his santa fe. he didnt need to seek it out, it came to him.

Ok now with him and katherine

ill start by saying i do really adore them. i feel like a lot of what im about to say might seem like i think otherwise, but i truly do think theyre very sweet

ok so every interaction of theirs in act one was. very uncomfortable to say the least. he honestly seemed really predatory at times and it just really felt like an old-timey romance where the girl doesnt know her worth so she flocks to any guy that shows interest in hr bc she thinks its her only purpose

now obviously that is NOT the truth, those were just my first impressions. Katherine is extremely capable of taking care of herself and deciding what is and isnt right for her, she likes jack purely because she can and does. she knows her worth and just likes him bc she likes him, no strings attached

i will say the first kiss kinda caught me off guard lmao. like i knew they were gonna be a thing but that is NOT how i expected that to go down. its likely just bc of my aroace-ness but i saw no sign of them actually getting together prior to that, aside from them being the main man and leading lady in the show so ofc they have to be together. i mean ig her reaction to him drawing her was a bit of a hint but still. ok maybe its just bc im demi. hadnt thought abt that until now. damn. is this a normal thing? maybe it is. maybe im being too harsh. idk lmao

anyway ill admit the kiss was successful in getting his attention and getting him to listen to her so ill give it that lmaoo but tbh i did tune a bit of their song out bc it started to make me a bit uncomfy but i did liste back to it later on. they really seem to have a healthy relationship where they both care about the other and know the other is strong enough on their own, they just both want to be a part of the other's life. its really sweet! theyre so supportive of each other!!! green flags all around!!!

the bit with him learning shes pulitzers daughter was really interesting to me. at first she tries to talk to him but he kinda brushes her off, but from then on he just kinda has full faith in her? i mean yeah he gets upset about it bc he thinks she lied to him, but i dont think he thought she had any ill intentions. that was a complicated sentence lmaoo damn. i think he really understood that she wanted to help, he was just caught up in a lot of Feelings and was afraid that she wasnt trustworthy despite him still trusting her. and then he let her explain and from then on they fully support the other and trust each other immensely

so yeah first impressions were a bit iffy but i think theyre very sweet <333

OK GOD CAN I GUSH ABOUT THE STAGE DESIGN FOR A BIT???? GAHHH

i mean the moving stairs and scaffolding arent new. i know this. but just the way they frame scenes with the scaffolding is stunning. the chase scenes??? dude. enthralling. the bits where theyre in the city and they have people just up their acting like civilians? SO cool. makes it incredibly more realistic and believable. and the way they projected images onto the curtain-like things they pulled down was extremely creative!!! like in theory its such a simple design. it was literally nothing more than the scaffolding and stairs, and a few tables and wagons and such in certain areas. but they did SO much with it it was hard to believe it took place on a stage. ofc the filming helps with that but still. the start felt like it was on the roof of the building bc of a combination of the lighting and the use of just one of the scaffolding pieces. and when theyre in buildings, the wall of scaffolding works really well as a backdrop!!! and i already talked about the city street scenes, it fits perfectly. god its so inspiring id love to be behind something like that one day

OK AND THE CHOREO??? the sheer ENDURANCE of these people HOLY I COULD NEVER. THE FLEXIBILITY? THEYRE ALL LITERAL GYMNASTS WTF ARE THESE FLIPS AND HANDSTANDS IM SORRY???? holy shit its all SOSOSO impressive

oh my god i havent even talked about the MUSIC yet

if i had to choose a favorite song, a, i would punch whoever told me that in the face, and b, i would simply combust bc i cant choose just one

my top three tho would have to be between king of new york, carrying the banner, and crutchies prison song (idk the name its not on spotify :'((((( ) in no particular order

i havent had them on repeat enough to have any memorized, but i did remember santa fe, carrying the banner, and the world will know from the last time i watched it and i belted along to all the parts i knew this music is so good at hyping me up I WANNA START A UNION

and oh my god katherines voice???? stunning. her song is sooooo good. her part in king of new york is incredible. i love her <3

jesus christ this post got out of control. im still not done lmaooo

ok one thing that really has nothing to do with the musical itself is just the fact that it reminded me of so many other musicals ive seen at specific parts, even some of the songs sound like others i know.

Santa Fe really reminds me of Maybe from Annie, both music-wise and lyric wise. i mean theyre both "i want" songs so it makes sense but i feel like they sound kinda similar too. honestly a lot of the music sounds like Annie, but maybe its just the types of instruments used and thats just how musicals sounded when they were made. i think they were made about the same time. *checks spotify* ok well the newsies i listen to was produced like 40 years after Annie so maybe that just a stylistic choice-

idk why but the beginning of watch what happens sounds like the intro to reginas speaking part in meet the plastics lmao-

oh and brooklyn's here has the same beat as the military from Seussical but thats just bc its a marching song lmao. its also the same beat as the spanish alphabet song my spanish teacher used to use!

ok and this one really doesnt make sense but something to believe in reminds me of the power in me from Twisted lmao- kinda similar message ig? and sound vaguely similar? but idk it really doesnt make too much sense

i should. i should sum it up. this is getting out of hand.

okay i love this musical sm. clearly. do you see how long this post is. i was missing out when i refused to listen to it previously. oh my god.

and for some reason it really makes me wanna go watch my favorite musical so im ending this here TO YOUTUBE I GOOOOO TY FOR READING IF YOU DID AND TY TO ROYAL FOR UNINTENTIONALLY PUSHING ME TO WATCH THIS HAVE A GREAT DAYYYY

[wodenscild]

Gods language exchange is so so sooo much fun & actually so useful for picking up a language! I have recently gotten back into Indonesian & been talking to people from Indonesia, & I have learnt so much & honestly more useful vocab than that found in my textbooks!

Like pria & wanita for laki-laki & perempuan (male & female), & jika (meaning if, or provided that, & is used over kalau when talking about a hypothetical situation from what ive seen). You learn fun interjections like semangat (enthusiasm, spirit: used as a term of encouragement) or astaga (oh my god!). & you learn sweet phrases like “Hati-hati di jalan” (Travel safely!) & “Selalu jaga kesehatanmu” (Always look after your health - this one was said to me after I said how much I work wkwkwkwk). & oh! You learn some interesting constructions! Like for example, to say something looks like something else you use a literal translation of “It’s appearance is like…” - “Kelihatannya seperti…” which is just so interesting!! Then I can extend this to other comparisons! Like using my knowledge of clitics I can say “You look like…” - “Kelihatanmu seperti…”, or I can say “It smells like…” - “Kebuaannya seperti…” or “It tastes like…” - “Rasanya seperti”.

& this is all without saying how language exchange is also to some extent a cultural exchange! In the past week of my exchanges, I have learnt about Indonesian weddings (which sounds super fun & I want to be at one some day!!) or about the five salat! Subuh, Lohor, Asar, Mahgrib, dan Isya (which also explains why a lot of my partners are up so early in the morning XD I couldn’t do Subuh for the life of me I’d be way too sleepy!)

Through this exchange I feel like I am making so much more progress than elsewise! I feel it is one of the most important part of learning a language, because speaking the language with others is the ultimate end goal so it is helpful to get right into it!

[imraespace]

HIHIIHIHI LUNCH TIME CHECK IN ONCE AGAIN 😈😈

im gonna try to eat in the library (even if it isnt .. really allowed..) but i think its fine if im in the corner eating my muffin 💔💔 the spot i chose rn is so hot i should not be here ugh but whatever

NOTHING REALLT HAPPENED TODAY BUT I GENUINELY WILL JUST STAY ALONE BC I CANNOT FUNCTION ON FRIDAYS ☹️ yesterday i took a 4-5 hour nap once i got home and thats legit more sleep than what i usually get HELP and when i tried sleeping that night i legit felt like i was floating the entire time felt like i didnt even sleep???? but its okay

anwyays HOW ARE YOUU and do you like muffins bc i love chocolate muffins 😈🙏

dailf question umumum what bluelock character would be horrified to see what type of ffs people make of them (i feel like the most obvious answer here is rin because of the amount of weird ffs ive seen of him ☹️)

- 🐙

HIIAHQH tsk.. delinquent.. I'm joking I sneak around in my school library as well you're not suppose to use your phone in the library unless it's for studying but all I do is bring a textbook and use my phone just for free ac (I don't use the textbook😊!) my Friday as been boring as well I DIDNT EVEN FELT THE SCHOOL SPIRIT (which is everyday but today was more powerful yk!) the most that happened is with the sigma boys noticing that I'm reading bllk that's all I LEFT MY WALLET HOME IM HUNGRYY AND I CANT TAKE MY MEDS I'm gonna get in trouble.. ALSO SAME after I ate yesterday I didn't even get to change out of my uniform I fell asleep and woke up dumbfounded at 8pm I thought it was the day before and I was already ready for school HELP.E IM GOOD and hungry but STILL GOOD I love muffins I don't like chocolate chip in my muffins or cookies tho I was told I'm a bit weird.. IDK I HATE CHOCOLATE CHIPS I like blueberry muffins bc I like berries my mommy buys berry jam just for me and I literally just eat it sometimes without any crackers(?) there's something called crix here that's like crackers but not salted idk how to describe it but I eat my jams with it bc it's tasty! YKE WHATS WEIRD even tho I hate chocolate chips there's this one local snack here thats chocolate chip cookies that I love idk im a bit odd I hate chips ahoy tho

LMAO yea I was thinking rin as well bc its the sensible answer but I SAID RIN YESTERDAY so um um I'll say barou this time only bc he seems like the type to judge you if you made one of him I can see him giving me a side eye for some reason

[mycptsdrecovery]

To the person who sent this ask:

https://at.tumblr.com/mycptsdrecovery/hi-im-sorry-to-ask-this-really-because-it-feels/fepccd6vfm9e

So first off I want to apologize because this message is probably gonna fuck your shit up a little bit. But for me at least, clarity brought peace. I hope this helps you put the pieces together and can bring you some comfort to know that you are not alone, what happened to you was very real and incredibly traumatic, and that you are incredibly strong for living through that. You’re obviously very smart and you’re asking the right questions- keep it up.

I read your post and I know exactly what happened to you. You had a VCUG. I had it done too, multiple times when I was 3. It took me literally 20 fucking years to figure out what that was and what happened to me. When I read the Wikipedia page, it was like I got hit in the head with a brick so brace yourself before you look it up. The procedure has literally every characteristic of a sexual assault, and I have lifelong sexual trauma from it. It’s used as a tool in research for studying memory related to CSA, because ofc you can’t abuse children to get data- but the VCUG is “medically necessary.” I think it’s almost worse in a way because it’s more like a gang rape WHILE YOUR PARENT IS WATCHING, and you’re not even seen has an object of attraction- it’s dehumanizing, and the denial of autonomy over your own body has serious, long term effects. It set me up for a lifetime of other sexual trauma- by the time I was 6 I was already showing hypersexual behavior. I never learned how to set any boundaries. Period. If you learn as a child that you don’t even have privacy *in the bathroom by yourself*, layered with the confusion and embarrassment of the experience (I was being potty trained, and then all of a sudden I’m in a radiology room and my mom is telling me I have to pee on this table in front of all these people??) seriously fucked me up, at least.

I spent literally my entire life not knowing why I was so fucked up, not knowing why I was so deeply traumatized when nothing (that I knew of) happened to me. It’s agony, and I blamed myself and lost myself in addiction and anorexia. Funnily enough, Ive always gravitated towards people who had serious childhood trauma. I’d hear their stories, and understand the feelings, but I never had a “story” of my own. It made me feel like an imposter, because it wasn’t like I got raped by a family member or something more “textbook”. Nobody talks about VCUG trauma even though thousands of kids go through this every year. It’s a faceless trauma, there’s nobody to blame (which makes it even more difficult to cope with imo)

There’s like one (1) support group on Reddit with 70 members, which is the largest to my knowledge. I was thinking of maybe starting a blog because there’s a lot of older people on reddit (like 5-10 yrs older than me at least) and I think that growing up Online with that trauma and 24/7 access to violent adult content is a totally different experience. But all of the emotions they talk about are the same, I’ve always kinda felt like nobody could understand what it’s like to be in my head, but reading that subreddit made me realize that I’m not The Most Fucked Up Person Who Has Ever Lived. And I learned how the trauma has formed every facet of my personality. Like I’m an anxious control freak who feels no sense of ownership over my body- surely that has nothing to do with this foundational traumatic memory of being denied control over my most basic bodily functions, right? Much to think about lol

You’re not crazy, and what you went through is unfortunately very real. I’m assuming that you’re still a teenager or a very young adult so you may not have gotten a yeast infection since you were a kid, but I think that the white stuff/medicine you were describing was monistat for a yeast infection. It’s a suppository, so there’s a like plastic plunger you put this white egg on, and then you put it in your vagina and push it up to your cervix, and the medicine leaks out over the course of a couple days. So it doesn’t surprise me at all that you would remember that, someone put a foreign object inside of you that was itchy and gross.

And for the record, your parents are *Very* Bad At Boundaries!!! If they can’t be the adults and set healthy boundaries, you have to. Its perfectly okay to say “I don’t want to talk about that” or “you’re making me uncomfortable, please stop touching me”. You didn’t have a voice when you were a kid, but you have one now. Trust me, I know it’s fucking scary and feels impossible- but do it once, and you’ll be hooked on the feeling forever.

I figured everything out last year (I’m about to turn 24), and I’ve been in therapy which has been super helpful. For me at least, EMDR has really been great for reprocessing those memories, and so has hypnotherapy exercises for being able to get into my subconscious. If you’re gonna look for one, you need a trauma specialist. Don’t fuck around with like a school counselor who mainly does “I’m depressed sometimes” therapy. If you’re anything like me, you need Serious Help.

I love you internet stranger- everything’s gonna be okay. You’re not alone, and it is possible to heal ❤️ I hope this brings you some peace

.

[fangable]

HI this is late cause ive been busy but. i wil learn about veronica!

🌹 What clan do they belong to and how do they feel about them?

🤝 What is their relationship with their sire like?

👷🏻‍♂️ What are their opinions on mortals?

sjghshsgjhgsjs THANK YOU for this birthday gift. sorry for the late response as well but it is time to yell about my girl!!!

🌹 What clan do they belong to and how do they feel about them?

Veronica is a textbook case of Toreador: artistic, sensitive, hedonistic, manipulative. She was all of those things even before her Embrace; there is a reason why she was chosen, after all.

She used to be proud of her clan. The last name she uses is a reflection of that - Rosenfeld may be a little on the nose, but she chose it with that exact purpose, to leave no doubt as to which bloodline she belonged to. (Before that, she'd use the last name of her sire; she wanted the change to symbolize her rejection of his claim over her, while still advertising her pride in being a Rose).

Since leaving the Camarilla for the Anarchs and being introduced to the Bahari, she's been feeling less of a connection to the Toreador clan. Partly because there aren't that many Roses on this side of the barricade (although she sometimes misses being able to talk to one of her own), partly because there's a certain appeal in rejecting the traditional clans and simply declaring herself to be a descendant of Lilith.

We'll see how it develops, lmao

🤝 What is their relationship with their sire like?

NOT GOOD. Her sire, Ferdinand, kept her blood-bound to him for over 60 years. During that time, she fully believed she was happy and in love, but the moment the bond faded (after a few months during which Ferdinand disappeared), she realized she's been a prisoner and fled from East to West Berlin to escape him.

After all of Berlin came under the rule of one Prince, she couldn't really avoid him anymore, but nothing else really happened between them other than exchanging pleasantries and being mildly passive-aggressive. And then Veronica left the Camarilla and haven't seen Ferdinand since (that is, until last session, during which Ferdinand rolled a messy critical which made him even more of an asshole than usual. Fortunately, that encounter was brief).

Her feelings about him are... complicated. Most of it is hate, but part of her misses the comfort of the blood bond. She likely wouldn't handle it well if he met Final Death and would actively protect him from it if she had the option. And she wants answers from him - why he kept her imprisoned with the bond, and why he let it fade.

👷🏻‍♂️ What are their opinions on mortals?

The thing about Veronica is, the ultimate form of beauty for her is feeling - both emotions and physical sensations.

The thing about mortals is, they feel so much more than Kindred.

She likes watching mortals and she likes making them feel. It's not quite the same as being able to feel herself, there are many sensations she's lost when she gained immortality and she notices others fading, but it's still enjoyable to witness.

She tends to get very strongly attached to certain mortals, those that are particularly expressive with their emotions. Her relationships with those mortals are much more intense than relationships with other Kindred. (Right now she has a human lover named Lena. She cares about Lena very much. I care about Lena even more.)

She doesn't quite see herself as similar to mortals anymore. In some ways, she is more than them; in others, she is less than them. I think the way she loves her mortal lovers might be closer to how you might feel about your beloved dog than an actual partner.

[lemonhemlock]

I find it funny that there are quite a few anti Helaemonds out there who are Team Black. They have various reasons why they're against it but it's mainly because they hate Aemond with a passion and think the ship being canon would whitewash him even more and claim that Helaena deserves more than being just another love interest for a male character…Well, it's not that I have anything against that argument but the thing is the very same people write essays justifying B&C, they make fun of her suicide telling people on Twitter (Green leaning users obviously) they're fighting with to "Helaena yourself" whenever they disagree with them, call her a freak and now they want to pretend they care about her and other Green female characters. Give me a break. They're also quite mad at the idea of the writers borrowing elements from the Aemon/Naerys/Aegon dynamic to Helaegond…but because it would be an offense to Aemon to do that since Aemond is nothing like him, as if the general audience would even know about those three to care about it. Another claim I've seen recently from one of these people is that we only ship it because we want our own popular ship against Da*myra which is…crazy. Why is it that people from BOTH sides think we're shipping it to piss them off? Green antis think we're doing it to shove incest down their throats while the other ones think we're jealous of Daemyra, among other things. No, people ship things because they like those things, nothing more.

you're telling me that "helaena yourself" is an actual slang expression that came out of this fandom? good lord

the amount of double-sided cringe - on the one hand, thinking what a clever retort it must be to suicide bait randos on the internet; on the other hand, taking a character who was universally considered the least problematic and mocking them for succumbing to grief after living through a traumatic event ... ? lame. the only thing it's giving is hatred against women and any expression of innocence

people shouldn't be so quick to stan prince aemon though!! after all, he did fuck all to protect naerys from aegon iv (we'll see if we ever get FB vol II if i'm being harsh or not, but had i been in his place my brother would have suffered a little staircase accident or slipped on a banana peel)

as to people shipping helaemond just to piss others off, that's just comical. how do you generate that level of artwork and fics and general fandom interest in a reactive ship? most of the stuff i've seen is organic and independent of any other shipping dynamics. people very clearly got it from the show, yes, bc they don't interact in FB,* but they really liked the presentation and concept & just went with it - it's not some big conspiracy here

*meaning to say the maester writing FB didn't bother to find records of their interactions bc why would he? it's supposed to be a historical textbook, it's not really relevant to the plot

[marzipan-romanoff]

Literally the only way ive seen chat gpt well implemented in a class was when my professor (now masters mentor) told us to ask chat gpt questions that he used to assign to students and grade based off the criteria he provided. Not one single answer got more than 50%, even when the criteria were listed in the prompt. Chat gpt is not a peer-reviewed textbook. Chat gpt is not a published author, but you could be.

ur future nurse is using chapgpt to glide thru school u better take care of urself

[5-trans-aliens-in-a-trench-coat]

Okay. Please tell me. Is this too much to send to my friend? I don't know if it's too far or not.

I feel so close to you. Ive never felt this way with anyone else. We're like that trope of "more than friends less than lovers" we're different. We're special. I never believed in soulmates before i met you, but i do now. You're my person. We would find each other in every universe, wether we are friends or lovers or something else. You mean so much to me, and i know i say that a lot, but i still dont say it enough. I live you with all of my heart (and i dont care if you are able to say it back or not) Ive thought for a while that i like you romantically, but honestly im not sure. I just feel a connection with you thats more than most people ever find, and maybe thats what its like to like someone romantically, but also maybe not. Sometimes its hard to tell between different kinds of love. Its scary to be in love with someine for fear of ruining the relationship altogether and losing them. I know we are close, but i still wish we were closer. I miss you whenever we're nit together, and it scares me whener we dont talk much for a few days because i cant let you slip away. I wont. You are my whole world, i hope you know that. I could never lose you, because that would mean losing half my soul. Amd i would die if it meant saving you (and im fucking terrified of death, so youre the only one i would do that for). You are more than i ever coulve hoped to have. I never couldve seen you coming. Wherever fate takes us, (if we end up dating, if we hate each other, if we lose touch) you will still be forever with me. I carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart. Ive heard poets talk about a string of fate, and that has reminded me ever increasingly of our invisible string. You have to admit that we're connected in a way most people arent. Maybe im crazy, but i think you'd have to be insane to not notice this stuff too. Maybe other people feel like this, but i have rarely seen anyone so truly committed to someone ekse as i am to you. The only true example i have seen is from the book the song of achilles. In the book, achilles is stubborn and rude and a terrible person for the last few years if his life. He lets countless people die because of his ego. Patroclus does not agree with any choice he makes, but he never once gets angry at achilles. He stands by him. He stands up for him. He stays with achilles, until he dies trying to fix achilles' mistakes, while still saving achilles from dealing with his own problems. However many mustakes achilles makes patroclus doesnt care, he stands by him forever. He found a boy of gold, and knew he would never let him go. Thats what you do. You find someone so important to you, and you vow that however much they screw up, you wont be angry, youll still love them the same. They are still yours. And, though achilles does most things for himself, esspecially towards the end of the war, he still dies getting revenge for patroclus' death. Those two are the textbook example of soulmates. They always find their way back to each other when they get seperated. They are loyal to each other to a fault. Their only moral compass(at least for patroclus) is to always follow the other, and fight for them. I see us in their story. Our places switch between the characters, but every set of soulmates that has ever existed has been fit in that cutout. We fit there alongside so many people. If there is only one set of soulmates per lifetine, then we are those two. We are less fragile that a set of ordinary friends, and we are less held back by the rules of lovers. We've got our own thing. You are mine, and i am yours. Ive never felt this way with anyone, and doubt i ever will with anyone else. I hope with ever fiber of my being you feel the same, but if you dont, i hope that you will trust me enough to tell me. There is so much more i could add to this, but hopfully i have a whole lifetime to do so.