#ive painted my own in the past but i like this one much better

[wastelandhell]

Finally have enough texturing done on him I can get back to taking screenshots. Body is BodyTalk, Skin textures are an edit of Vobla's MACABRE, hair is Oni's Vanilla Retexture, and everything else is custom. Outfit is here.

[humanmorph]

Lye „Lyke“ Lychen as a sacrifical altar (to Aterika’Kaal) (but he's also kind of the sacrifice)

my @secret-samol gift for @bronanlynch! for the Aterika’Kaal/Lyke prompt of „what if things had gone differently and Aterika'Kaal was still with Lyke“.

notes on this under the readmore!

AU

In this scenario Lyke would succeed in getting the heart of the Motherbeast in Episode 47 and while Alaway would notice & probably still call out to Aterika’Kaal the way he presumably did in canon, Lyke would be there and get to make a compelling case to Aterika’Kaal the likes of „If you stay with me I am going to feed you. I’ve taken care of you until now, I’ll keep doing that“ (argument supported by the fact he’s currently holding the heart of an incredibly powerful dead god). Aterika’kaal agrees and they barely escape through the Sanctum of the Stone Chorus portal. I think it's fun if Lyke then stays there after the hour described in the move is over, maybe knowing he can't convince Pickman & the others that what he's done is actually good, and fine, there's not even anything to worry about he has this totally handled, But yeah he then sets out from whereever in Sangfielle Aterika'Kaals domain is (Austin did say it was an actual place somewhere), and the rest of the Blackwick Group is left to wonder what the hell happened since Lyke just vanished! Alaway has possibly fucked off too after losing the heart. And them getting fired, the Carnival of Moted Light etc. would still happen (and I guess Chine would succeed at what they were doing since Lyke isn’t there?) and who knows if they’d take any action in finding Lyke after that! All that aside though, Lyke basically offers himself to feed on (through blood and/or energy) and to sustain that he keeps consuming(not literally eating) powerful objects/artifacts/resources and possibly eventually living things (I’d imagine he'd still take work as a „please deal with this weird shit for us“ person and when he has to kill a cursed beast or whatnot... might aswell feed Aterika'Kaal?) (What also plays into that decision, and is part of Lyke justifying this to himself, is that without him, Aterika’Kaal would become too powerful. So he aims to function as kind of a conduit & control the power intake so to speak. I think this probably doesn’t work for very long.) I think this eventually goes bad for him because it’s super taxing on his body and the whole deal kind of flips with Aterika’Kaal feeding/keeping HIM alive. He starts finding bodies in the domain again (alternatively, Aterika'Kaal gets better at hiding them because it knows Lyke doesn't particulary like it when it does that). Lyke probably gets stronger due to this power/magic wise, but also way more fragile (he's constantly anemic!). („I love you. I want us both to eat well.“ - Christopher Citro) („When I write of hunger I am really writing about love and the hunger for it, and warmth and the love of it and it is all one.“ M.K. Fisher) Notes: I put some resources Lyke’s canonically had in-game + some extra stuff in this picture (the arrow is a reference to Marn’s epilogue, the bugs are bugs (with possibly sinister connotations. If you want them to have those, it’s optional) and the fur is from the Ravening Beast). Another detail I came up with I might aswell tell you because otherwise noone might ever know: the ring with the blue stone is a gift from Es. Sketch Notes: 1. Lyke turning his head to kiss a rose / exposing his neck was one of my very first ideas/sketches I made while working on this, and I liked it too much to not include it. 2. This is supposed to be Aterika'Kaal giving Lyke a blood transfusion but it rather looks like it's feeding on him instead...! I like how the relaxed pose turned out. 3. I wanted to draw something smaller in a simpler style to fill the big canvas I was drawing these on (even though now I put them in separate files anyways...). The day I drew this I saw a tweet about a medieval monks sketchbook, so I was still thinking about that. I didn't even plan to color it originally but I ended up getting invested, haha

Inspired mainly by these 3 quotes: „KEITH: I’m a walking- I am a shrine to Aterika’Kaal.“ (Sangfielle 12: The Secret Ledger of Roseroot Hall Pt. 4) „KEITH: There's a version of dealing with Aterika'Kaal that ends with Lyke being satisfied that he rehabilitated a god or at least it looks […] like what he thinks Aterika'Kaal would have been before the YVEs showed up. That's probably his main retirement path, but it also might kill him instead.” (Sangfielle 47: Wax, Iron, and Ichor Pt. 4) „AUSTIN: As you’re fading, the last thing that you do is make this blood sacrifice to Aterika’Kaal. Your own blood.“ (Sangfielle 52: Six Travelers: Lyke)

[panopti-cunt]

.

[adamnablelittledevil]

Reacting to The Vampire Lestat - Part IV (with a bit of spoilers)

Lestat's narration has gotten so much better actually. I mean, I still don't care when he talks about stuff that doesn't have an effect on him, but when he describes things/people that actually do? It's great. It's just so vivid, rich, colorful, sometimes even abstract that simply makes me giggle and kick my feet. When he gets really thoughtful about life, vampirism, existence, religion, morality, feelings, theater, music etc, it feels like borderline insanity, but in a brilliant way? Feels like I'm tasting some crazy drug and tripping, but it's so good? It activates a very specific part of my neurodivergent brain and I love it because I'll also be having those crazy thoughts all by myself with nobody to talk to and Lestat just gets it.

I also love the excess of exclamations on this POV haha.

Sometimes it just feels like a naive child telling things and is kind of endearing.

ARMAND!

Armand in Lestat's words: he was beautiful, ethereal, sublime, exquisite, delicate, soft, perfect, a Caravaggio painting, a Da Vinci painting, an angel, I found myself in him, the possibility of him, I didn't pay attention to [whatever] because I was looking at him etc etc.

Basically calling him the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, really.

Like, I legit MEMORIZED some of them. Lestat was THAT repetitive lmao.

I don't know if it's because the words were so superlative or because Lestat had it that bad or because I have it that bad just thinking about it, but yeah.

I'm not even kidding when I say I need to take pauses because this is kind of unsettling.

I'm so serious, but I feel like reading Lestat's description of Armand has a bigger effect on me than the prettiest person I have ever seen in freaking R E A L L I F E? What the hell, WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?

Lestat, tone it down, I'm begging you.

Been told Armand is really that gorgeous and every character talks about him that way, so apparently he isn't exaggerating... I'm gonna lie down, bye.

It's even worse because I just picture show!Armand because he's even more handsome there so it makes me dizzy.

Also because Lestat won't miss an opportunity to talk about his beauty? He LITERALLY says it EVERY SINGLE TIME he sees Armand. I'm not joking, I swear on my own life. I'm like, OKAY, WE GET IT? ENOUGH!

Armand (Lestat's version) on season 3 will be insufferable and I'm so ready for it. But also not ready yk.

At this point I'm basically just drooling over him and I don't care.

PERFECT casting with Assad. He incorporates Armand like no other. Everyone on the show is talented and I can see them as their characters, but there's one thing or another that I imagine differently sometimes? But not Armand, like, my Armand looks, walks, moves, talks, stares etc the exact same way Assad does it on the show. Every single time. The others are like, 90% or something for me, but Assad is 100% my imagination? It's like he traveled in time, stole my 2024 thoughts, went back to the past, auditioned, got the part and then played it exactly the way I see it today. It's crazy.

Wouldn't be surprised if that's the case, they already have all these possessions going on, what's more to our little satanic show lmao.

Also, great casting with Assad because no man with red-ish hair has looked this good ever. It just doesn't make sense, I'm sorry.

Armand is a beauty God, but also a really good character and I love his lines. Even when I don't agree with him, I just find him fascinating, the role he has on the story, what he represents, the way he moves the plot, whatever the effect he has on Lestat etc...

Armand's moments are never boring. He'll probably piss me off later, but right now I'm having a great time and the book has never been better.

Lesmand's/Armandstat's moments are always heated. The tension is always there. I'm not telling you what kind. Actually, I don't even know it myself. Do THEY even know?

Sam said something about how you're never sure what they are and I think he's right? At least for now. Let's see it after all the books.

They also act like they've known each other forever, have this crazy history that goes through centuries and they already can push each other's buttons... But they actually, like, only know each other for 5 minutes? CHILL?!

They're sort of soul ties/mirrors/foils/two sides of the same coin-coded in an appealing way.

I guess I can say Armand is my favorite character right now. I always read it faster when he's there, I'm always looking forward to seeing him again, I'm fine when I don't see Gabrielle or Nicki, but I'm always like, BRING HIM BACK. I don't know if I should be worried I'll grow into hating him when stuff happens or if I'll just be an Armand apologist lol. I'm scared. But let's wait to see it.

Samssad on season 3 will be delicious. Specially on the 1700s flashbacks. I'm expecting almost, if not EVERY scene of them there to be INTENSE. Great acting potential there.

I really want to see a moment with Armand and Lestat in a church like on the book? Let's take their angelic faces and curls to the next level. Put them in a church, surrounded by religious figures, stained glasses, candles etc. I don't even care what the context will be. They can be talking, silent, killing each other, doing something else, doing all of it, but give me the heavenly visuals. Actually, if they want to film the entire show in a church they can, it would be so aesthetically pleasing. Bonus points if they use Gothic churches because I'm extremely obsessed with them. Bonus points if they use Sainte-Chapelle because I'm kind of even more hyperfixated on that. I mean, it would never happen, but it should *shrugs*.

Btw, the mess Armand made in the house and the way he was reading the books is very neurodivergent of him.

The way he prefers to talk telepathically instead of speaking out loud is very neurodivergent of him as well.

Nicki is soooooooooo doomed by the narrative, omg. Anne didn't even try to hide it.

I'm not really sure how I feel about Nicki except that he needs therapy...

This is probably the silliest comment so far, I'm no longer thinking clearly after Armand's introduction. Sorry, guys. It will happen again.

The next chapter has his name so I'm scared, but also excited.

P.S. Nothing is permanent, opinions might change and this is based on Lestat’s narration, which can be unreliable. I’m reading the books so I can find out more about the characters, what potential events might happen in the show, what I can expect etc. This is my favorite show in the universe, so I want to be as informed as possible. I have no idea if I’ll become a legit fan of the books or not, but so far I’m enjoying it. I’m posting these comments only for fun.

[artemis-rian]

Hello, this is a very brief intro post and i will most likely look into some resources to make a better organized one.

this is a Disney-Twisted Wonderland RP account, in which i will be talking as my oc, Artemis Rian. his name is pronounced Art-aye-miss and his surname is pronounced like Ryan.

there are a few rules i ask you to follow, its not much.

-any homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, fatphobia, body shaming, bullying, incest, pedophilia, or anti-semantics will NOT be tolerated under any circumstances.

-please dont sexualize my character.

-Please dont be fucking weird (in bad ways)

-Please dont judge anyone for their interests.

~My character is open to shipping with characters of his same age. please DM me about it beforehand.

please be a decent human being. if you break any one of these rules i will lecture you in dms then block you.

Some additional information about Artemis.

~ Artemis is eighteen

~ When Artemis is talking, there will be a tag that says "artemis rian"

~ Artemis is a Junior in the Ignihyde dorm.

~ Artemis is typically soft-spoke, and rather introverted. he has a difficult time initiating interactions with people, but he does infact enjoy talking to people.

~ Artemis is cisgender male and uses He/Him pronouns.

~ Artemis is part fae, part human. his mother was a human, and his father was a fae.

~ Artemis is Omnisexual, with a lean towards masculine people.

~ Artemis is only 168 cm tall, or inbetween 5'6 and 5'7. he is not very tall, he's got rather long legs, but is rather skinny, due to the conditions of his past.

~ Artemis is a bit timid, to say the least. he often is zoned out, and has not a great memory. he often forgets important things such as his own birthday.

~ the picrews were not very great, so here is a brief explanation of his character design/appearance.

Artemis is a young man of average height. he has very dark brown, somewhat curly hair that's a bit fluffy, which is cut to the base of his neck. the tips of his hair are dyed red. he has pointed ears, as most fae, and he has his lobes pierced. he often wears hoodies, and likes ripped, baggy jeans. his eyes are a deep emerald, and are rather thin and a bit downturned.

~ Artemis is rather well at art, and likes drawing messy sketches of scenery, typically with charcoal. he dislikes painting. he also enjoys video games, especially competitive ones, which he is rather good at. some of his favorites are Mario Kart and Splatoon, he also likes survival games such as Minecraft, Raft, and similar.

Please feel free to ask anything you would like about Artemis!

A few additional things about me, the person behind the screen.

I am a transgender male, and use he/him pronouns. most private messages will be ooc unless stated otherwise. I am a bit indesicive on names, so you may call me mod, admin, artemis mod, or the similar.

I work throughout the summer very often. please do not expect me to be chronically online.

I am medically diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), so i may misinterpret things, or jokes may go over my head. please be patient with me. i also ask you to use tone tags. if you are not certain what those are, please do not be scared to ask.

My DMs are open! please feel free to come talk with me, i dont bite, and i would love to make some friends. socializing is hard for me, as someone who can be considered similar to Idia, when it comes to socialization. i also meant to create this account awhile back, but someone i knew was on here who made me feel like i couldnt speak freely. they are inactive now, i believe, with that, please dont involve me in any drama.

A few of my interests include alternative fashion, though I am in a bit of a financial crunch and cant afford such for myself, i play splatoon, and have played all the way through splatoon 1, before it got shut down, and im nearly done with the splatoon 2 hero mode, but ive finished octo expansion, and ive played through splatoon 3 hero mode, but im yet to finish side order ive been playing splatoon for about five years. i also like painting, especially bob ross follow-alongs, they are calming. i also love surfing and beaches (especially the ones with the pretty, clear water.) i sometimes teach surf and swim classes in summer. and i love twisted wonderland very much, its one of my favorite games. I emjoy horror games aswell, and reading older literature is another hobby of mine.

when i am speaking there will be an OOC// before the text and a tag "ooc"

please note that I use Tumblr on my laptop. I will not always immediately respond

Oh god this was a lot longer than i had intended... apologies. i will upload Artemis' backstory as soon as possible.

[highoncatfood]

im going to dump my thoughts on u here cuz i can anyway have u heard of the song Bed of Roses by Mindless Self Indulgence ive been listening to it on loop and i am going to share with u my interpretation of the lyrics cuz it seems im an outlier amongst what people (or atleast whats on the genius page) think it means but my take is so real and true to me

basically Bed of Roses is thought to be a song about being passive in life and letting things pass you by and happen as they do, not caring about making the perfect life, but for me personally it always came off as being about suicidal thoughts and that interpretation not only makes more sense to me but also is far more interesting

'hey its alright my life has never been a bed of roses' is the singer talking about their life, saying how its unlike a bed of roses which are seen as beautiful and also a symbol of love (also searching it up it seems bed of roses is an expression for a carefree easy life) in short theyre saying their life sucks, but thinking of it in the context of it being suicidal its interesting because the 'hey its alright' then sounds like a rationalization, the following line 'this ways better for me' only helps with painting this image. its a person rationalizing their thoughts by going 'hey my life has always sucked, death would just be better for me'

and the line 'i dont care to live the life ive chosen' further adds to this, its explicitly saying they dont care to live their life

then theres the next part, which is pretty similiar to the last but then there is the line 'dont feel sorry for me', they're asking an outside party to not feel bad for their planned demise, and its repetition makes it seem like begging almost. tying this into the earlier verses which can be read as rationalization makes it seem like the singer is a person trying to comfort and placate a close one, by rationalizing that their suicide will be better for them and begging them to not feel sorry

also 'feeling sorrys been my lifes devotion' is a banger line . i have thoughts on what it could be interpreted as but i feel like the connections arent strong enough and the line like speaks for itself i think

i think this part could be about being resistance to change or healing, it could be a negative reaction to this outside party trying to talk them out of it or reason with them, but in the end they still say 'my friend' showing they care and love them. the 'screw you' could perhaps also be read as someone trying to distance themselves from their loved ones in hopes that their death wont be as painful then

i think its interesting how after that the song ends with just a reptition of 'my lifes never been a bed of roses', perhaps im looking too far into it but it could be seen as the 'last stage', of fixating on the worst parts of life as you spiral annnd .

anyway i like this song and i kinda associate this song with seth but 4 different reasons (flower imagery, lifes sucked, not wanting pity, 'feeling sorrys been my life devotion' -> religion with its emphasis on remorse for sins and devotion. etc.)

was not expecting this at all and i dont know this song but! i like this interpretation thank u for sharing honestly i always love to read too much into lyrics and i tend to come up with diff interpretations than wht was most likely the artists intention

for example recently ive been thinking of reuse the cels by car seat headrest as a song abt gender dysphoria and the transition process (when in.reality its abt like. getting back into a relationship with someone which havent worked out in the past or whetevr)

i like to think the narrator is actually talking abt themself 'i should be glad to have you back' the 'you' being their own sense of identity

'i know every frame so many times that ive seen' refering to their own body, reminiscent of how a lot of trans folks experiencing dysphoria who tend to worry abt their self image and the ways their body looks, r constantly thinking abt it and spotting every detail, being forced to look at it everyday, wishing it was something esle/wanting to change it

this chorus and lines to me r abt hrt and like. thinking of times before realizing they were trans, times when maybe they were oblivious and not yet so worried abt their body and/or identity and wanting to not have to worry again and be happy with themself, hoping tht hrt will help with that. but at the same time the fear and anxiety that comes with not knowing if medically transitioning will guarantee being freed from all the insecurity and pain caused by the dysphoric feelings. asking urself what if it doesnt satisfy. wht if going through all that trouble, all those changes, spending all that time and money doesnt even bring the result ur hoping for. is it worth it? u dont have to do all of that. wht if all it does is drain u of energy and hope and actually make u into something further from wht ur goal was (symbolized by fading colors on reused animation cels [idk much abt that but also u could interpret it as like real body cells i guess] like.... the repeating process of replacing hormones, going through constant physical changes and stuff) so generally like. indecision and thinking too far ahead/overthinking i guess. does any of that make sense im jst saying whtever comes to mind at this point i gave up on trying to keep this cohesive

'doesnt it seem an awful waste' and 'will i lose you again' can be the narrator again referring to themself, thinking that the person they were pre-transition will fade away. that they couldve lived a completely different life, that all they do is bring 'that girl or boy they couldve been' to an end. replacing them with the desired version of themself, but not sure if thats still even the same person they used to be

and. i think it should be obvious but this is all based on how i myself deal with and think of my identity as a trans person. i feel like i should clarify that this isnt me saying that this is the experience of every trans person, each of us is different etc etc

um anyway yeah thanks for the ask wiki i might listen to the song u talked abt at some point <3

[an-animagi]

christmas time!! this is my gift for @honeyblockm for the @mcytblrholidayexchange!!

i wrote a fic (which i put below the cut, and the ao3 link is here) and i was really excited to write this!! originally i planned for it to be longer but my brain switched up on me partway through, so hopefully you still enjoy this!!

ive had a lot of fun writing this actually, considering ive read one wedding fic, have been to two weddings i dont remember and all of c!quackity's experiences when it comes to engagement and marriage, and i hope you are satisfied with what ive created :)

this has rolled in at 1040 words, just in case anyone is interested (i dont usually post fics on tumblr ehe i have no clue what im doing✨✨)

ALMOST FORGOT!!! its called 'me and my husbands (we're sticking together)' stolen inspired by 'me and my husband' by mitski (i have just made the lyric plural lol)

-=~=-

Quackity almost expected to be left alone at the altar. Again.

Between the shit-storm that was his relationship with Schlatt, and then the failed wedding attempt a few months back, he hadn’t had many positive experiences of being stood at the concrete table, waiting for a time that no clock could reach.

Or, more correctly, he hadn’t had any, so sue him for setting his standards low. Maybe this time he wouldn’t have to hold back tears after the second hour. Maybe the tissues he wore as armour would protect the open wound in his back from the inevitable knife that kept getting rammed between his ribs.

But that wasn't the point. The point was, that when the heavy doors creaked open again, Quackity didn't nervously glance at them. He didn't restlessly readjust the veil covering the back of his head. His wings didn't shuffle awkwardly behind him.

(He was getting better at lying to himself.)

The door slammed shut with an echoing bang, startling the avian. Usually, anyone entering or leaving did so quietly, slipping in or out of the small hall awkwardly. Instead, when Quackity turned to face the door, his shoulders slumped and he released a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding.

As the seated guests began turning their heads in alarm at the sound, Sapnap started his confident march down the aisle, hitching the skirt of his dress up part way through with a huff. Feeling his cheek feathers begin to fluff up, Quackity used all of his willpower to force them to lie flat.

God his fiance was hot.

Quite literally, too, if the faint smoke coming off his fingertips was anything to go off of. With a quick lick of his lips, the avian admired the way that the white dress accented his fiance’s features, watching the demon hybrid walk between the rows of chairs towards him.

White fabric exaggerating his pecs, Sapnap ungracefully dropped the bunched skirt as he reached the altar. If they hadn't been surrounded by both of his fiances’ family members, Quackity wouldn't have hesitated for even a second. As it was, his hand twitched with the urge to squeeze. He thanked God for giving him enough self control to not start groping his fiance’s chest at their wedding altar.

Wings twitching, Quackity met Sapnap’s eyes as they traced his body, smirking at the familiarly hungry look in his fiance’s eyes. Striking his right hip to the side, the avian suppressed a shiver at the wispy fabric of his own dress brushing past his legs and instead wiggled his eyebrows at the black-haired man.

Making a show of flirting like this made it easier for Quackity to ignore the doubts still present in the back of his mind, ignore the whispers of Karl forgetting again, ignore the slight tremble to his hands that had persisted for days and made painting his nails a much more tiresome endeavour than it should have been.

There were two of them now. Quackity could not be alone anymore.

Then, the door creaked open once more and this time the avian let himself look towards it. Sapnap turned as well, both anticipating the final member of their trio to enter the hall and join them. And neither were disappointed.

With the door falling shut behind him, Karl sheepishly grinned at the pair already at the altar. The dress he wore was the only one which reached the panelled flooring, trailing slightly behind him as he walked down the aisle towards the stone table. In his hands sat a small bouquet of flowers, yellow tulips and daffodils wrapped in a white cloth and cushioned by his palms.

A classical song Quackity couldn’t remember the name of played in the background, his thoughts fully consumed by the sight of his fiance in a pristine wedding gown rather than the odd musical choices one of the men he was marrying had made. 

If asked, each of them would answer that it had been Sapnap’s idea to wear the dresses. In truth, it had been Quackity who had jokingly offered to wear a dress to their wedding, a smile tugging at his lips as the brunette of the group turned to face him and determined that he would wear the dress, that he wouldn’t mind the white and his hair would clash against it less than the other’s black.

Then Sapnap had declared that they were all wearing dresses, and it had snowballed into looking at renting or purchasing prices and deciding that weddings were expensive.  The odd looks upon entering stores which sold dresses and instead being directed towards suits would likely take a while to stop staining the avian’s mind, but in the end the throuple were going to get married.

It ended in their meeting at the altar. Then something new would begin.

Soon enough Karl reached his two fiances, standing between them both with a shining grin on his face. A soft look crossed Sapnap’s face, and Quackity smiled in response, his heart beating wildly as he took in the sight of both gorgeous men in their dresses. God he loved these two so much.

As they all stood, watching each other with smiles on their faces, waiting for the ceremony to start. His stomach fluttering, Quackity couldn’t help the tears that brimmed at the corners of his eyes at the thought that after that day, nothing would be the same. 

Most people would call it a new adventure but Quackity hated that. He hated the uncertainty that threatened to taint every moment and the lack of warmth, a comfort that should fill his chest, at hearing the word and the idea of there being a risk. He could lose everything all over again.

But with the adoring look in both of his fiance's eyes, the avian knew that wouldn't happen. They wouldn't let it happen.

So this was it, the start of something new.

And maybe it sounded less exciting or romantic, but Quackity liked the security. He liked being sure that the fears running wild in his mind would never form in the real world. He would never be alone again.

Not for as long as he had Karl and Sapnap.

[sometimesireallydontknow]

DAY 1

I Look up at the ceiling, can't see much yet but my mom is smiling down at me for the first time.

Year 1

I look up at the ceiling and smile, its my mom again and she's so happy its blinding me.

Year 2

I look up at the ceiling and its a little quiet right now but my mom is there and she's singing to me and ao i smile again and im so happy im shinning.

Year 3

I look up at the ceiling and my Dad is there, he looks a little tired and someones crying but i dont think its mom, I smile at him and i think he smiles back

Year 4

I look up at the ceiling and theres someone new, Dad says he's my little brother, I look and I smile , he looks just like Mom, maybe he's the one who was crying? MY Little brother.

Year 5

I look up at the sky and Laugh, im twirling in my favorite dress and my little brother is laughing with me.

Year 6

I Look up at the ceiling and wonder why theres so much yelling lately, im not scared, its just that Dad is speaking a little louder and Mom a little Quietly.

Year 7

I look up at the ceiling, my brother is in my arms and i sing him to sleep, he doesnt need to hear the yelling, its not that serious, and im not crying.

Year 8

I look up at the ceiling and im scared, im crying but my baby brother is asleep and i cant wake him, so i hum my favorite song and i wish the bruises go away a bit faster this time.

Year 9

I look up at the ceiling and i wonder what it would be like to be in another family, if it would be better if i could just leave.

Year 10

I look up at the ceiling and i paint a smile on, my Dad says im useless, my mom says im overweight so i stop eating a bit, but its okay because my brother says im the brightest star in the sky.

Year 11

I look up at the ceiling and fix the crack in my smile, I love my dad, its not his fault that i failed, its okay cause i deserved it, (not really) Atleast my brother is happy.

Year 12

I look up at the ceiling and wonder why im still here.

Year 13

I look up at the ceiling and maybe i wont live past 20. But my brother is still here and maybe i cant help but cry.

Year 14

I look up at the ceiling and the year goes in a blur of fake smiles and hopeless dreams.

Year 15

I look up at the ceiling, 15 years is a long time.

Year 16

I look up at the ceiling and i had a panic attack at school, i told them what happens at home, My brother HATES me now, i cry a bit harder tonight.

They call home, im scared, my brother says i screwed up cause theyll take him and me and we wont see mom again. ( she whispers in his ears).

It doesnt help, sometimes it makes my life just a bit harder if i tell.

Year 17

I look up at the ceiling and i cry, im a failure, im useless and sometimes i wish i stopped at 13, 15, 17.

Year 18

I look up at the ceiling and wow. Im paying rent now, its a bit different now,he's become a little more irrelevant to me, (she didn't help me), im scared, its hard and i can't focus.

Year 19

I look up at the ceiling, and ive been working with kids for a year, How could someone hurt something so small? So precious? So innocent? (Did i do something wrong? Was i not enough?)

I love my job,

Sometimes i forget that my brother grew up in the same house.

Year 20

I look up at the ceiling, im 20 years old. My brother is 18 years old, i said sorry to him last week, he forgave me, he apologized and i forgave him too. We can't help it, the anger is so deep inside that its hard to keep it away sometimes. Im still angry and bitter, but im 20 i can work on it. He's 57 and he'll never change, 20 years , my whole life and i cant remember that first smile my mother ever gave me.

She's still here but she was never really there, My brother is all i have and sometimes i really wish she wouldn't have stayed even if we werent't born. ( im happy now, im still stuck at home but now my brother stands tall on his own and so do i, it takes time and i still have a long way to go.) Im 20 and i have all my life left, he's 57 andhes's gonna be angry and bitter the rest of his.

[josiedoe]

funny weird fursona from ages past hours while i wanna take this opportunity to share my art, i kinda also wanna reach out to everybody who had cringy neon old fursonas and oc's that they're embarrassed of or feel like they need to shittalk every time they mention them bc "theyre totally better at making characters now i swear!" this is my fursona splash. i've changed sonas a few times, but none of them will be as important to me as her. she's not there yet, but next year in february, on my birthday, she will be 9 years old. i made her feb 22nd of 2015, my 9th birthday. i stopped using her eventually, because i thought i'd grown out of her. i used to show her to people and laugh about how stereotypical of a mary sue she was, how she had a demon AND angel form, how i'd ship her with characters from whatever media i was interested in at the time, how she had super secret sparkle powers that could do anything and how she's "not me anymore" then i remembered how crushed i felt when my friends at the time first started calling her one. i was knee deep at that point in thinking mary sues were dumb, and felt really bad about it when a friend said she was a huge mary sue and how i should probably change her. they even got mad when i said i didnt want to and told me i "couldn't take criticism". ive tried so hard over the years to distance myself from her while trying not to be too hard on her, to enjoy her in an "ironic, more experienced way" and regard her as what NOT to do.

this is the first ever drawing i did of her. another oc of mine turns 9 on my bday, and ill do art of her too, but this is where i made her. she was a drawing of firestar that i got bored drawing and decided to slap some neons on from the ms paint advanced preset colors. as you can see, she hasn't really changed much. her name used to be colordrop, because i had a stuffed bunny around that time with the same name. i think i renamed her to splash because i liked splashkittyartist. is the art good? no. did i really care? not really! i didnt even know it was bad at the time, because it honestly wasn't. i just wasn't as far in my art journey as i am now. im glad i never deleted my deviantart account, and i plan at some point to go through and save the images that are important to me on a google drive of some kind. aslong as im able to remember and keep her, she's an important part of myself. she's still me, just from a different time, and also so much more than that. im not sad about her, not in a nostalgic "i wish i could go back way". im happy, if anything, because i only recently realized we shared a birthday. isn't that cool? to not only have an oc that was made on your birthday, but reaches milestones with you? when she turns 18, i'll be 27. when she's 27, i'll be 36. i think that's pretty neat. i think it's important for every artist, if they struggle with this, to look for their old oc's and fursonas and whatnot from when they were kids and instead of looking at them through a lens of "im better now, do you see how bad i used to be at this whole character making thing though? its funny.", instead be kind to your old creations and go "wow, i had alot of fun with you. i wonder if i can have even more." if you're able to, start using them again. write with them again, even if its small and silly and more out of whimsy and joy than actual plot development. i implore you to be kinder to kid you. even if kid you wasn't very kind themselves. if you would look at another kids drawing and oc and go "wow thats amazing! you're so creative!", then you should regard what you made then with the same enthusiasm. put your own work on the fridge if nobody else did. anyways, ramble over. i'm very passionate about this subject because i lived it, and i deeply enjoy reclaiming what i was made to feel embarrassed of. so moon darkraven, demon wolf with an anime scythe and scene bangs and red eyes and neon colors that don't mix, i think you're doing great. i hope you're doing well, wherever you are now, and that so is the person who made you. happy early birthday to me and my special little gal

[thatqueerbat]

Hiya! :3

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! (no pressure!)

♦️ decorating things! my body, clothes, furniture, ive altered so much of it to be more my style, and it really makes everything so much better

✴️video games! especially stardew valley, thats one of my big special interests rn, with the 1.6 update coming out (krobus best housemate, you can't change my mind)

⚜️ hermitcraft! plus adjacent/similar series, so the life series, empires, basically any smp that has that core kinda group. another major special interest of mine, hence the. shenanigans this past weekend with their charity streams

❇️irl gaming! i play a bunch of board/card games with my friends, arkham horror is a big one right now, azul, parks, games like that too. i love dnd but can only play it in person, not online, so thats been harder to organise, but its still up there

💠 crafting! that slightly encompasses decorating things, but i make a lot of random stuff, and it feels separate enough to qualify as its own thing. i knit, sew, paint a little bit, i adhd bounce my way around all the major crafts

[kidmachinate]

Diablo IV - Things Will Get Better, Right?

Diablo IV was met with much praise upon being released. The game has an 88 top critic average on OpenCritic, and a 96% for critics recommend. This tells a very positive story…however, the people invested in the game past review impressions seem to have an altered version of this tale and it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Let’s talk about it. The campaign is great and refreshing. I think Lilith works as a villain and the whole her vs Inarius struggle front and center is an interesting backstory. Most of which can be understood even without playing the previous games. The cutscenes are amazing and the voice work is well done. It works. Even if you’re only realistically playing the campaign one time and one time only, as the game gives you an option to skip the campaign any time past the first. There also some key fights in the campaign that will be a nod to past games as well that add value for players keeping up over the years. Won’t say what because spoilers. It’s a deep enough story, disconnected from the feel of the past three games, but still had bits to enjoy from the past titles too. It is exciting enough on its own and leaves things open for those upcoming expansions and/or future titles. While people are likely gonna skip campaign after the first time, I like this one much better than Diablo III before it. This is the greenest side of the field. Let’s get into characters. To be perfectly clear, before I get into anything else, I’m not going to paint the same pretty picture many have. While I am still enjoying this game, I debate for how long. A previous (now nonexistent, unfortunately) review I had for Diablo III was titled In and Out of Diablo III. As is stands, and much of this is dependent on what happens with Seasons 1 and/or 2 of the game, Diablo IV may be a similar type of review. I may stay in longer initially than I did vanilla D3, but do I have the same patience to keep trying time and time again hoping the game improved months later? I’m not so sure. Let’s get right back to it because I got slightly sidetracked here. The characters! Another disclaimer, this is my personal take on each character. Barbarian is boring to me but up for consideration for Season 1 or to play the only character I haven’t made yet. No real opinion to offer yet. Sorcerer is my main and level 78. Feels satisfying to play and look at. Every element has a viable build. I originally thought this was the class most balanced, and in the sense of being able to use each element and multiple versions of each, is great. However, it is the weakest class in terms of survivability, they took away an enchantment slot since the beta, resists don’t work which is half the point of the intelligence state, and it doesn’t have the damage to help make up for that. Once you get to the true endgame, you need to play near if not entirely perfect, or wait for your defensive cooldowns or frost nova to come off cooldown. I’m playing and Ice Shards build and thinking about a Hybrid of Blizzard and Ice Shards soon. Druid feels real bad through level 50. It’s too damn slow. I’m just over that now but exhausted from what it took to get there, so I barely touch it. I’ve done less on my Necromancer and Rogue, however both already feel satisfying at early levels. I’ve got a Penetrating Shot and Bone Spear build for the two respectively. Rogue is exceptionally nice with mobility options because you don’t get a horse until Act IV of the campaign. That’s another minus point for the campaign I suppose. The classes I think are mostly okay but need some further tweaks to get to a point where all characters feel fun to play at any given point in the game. Which class is best will be figured out and change over time, but there are clear senses of what is fun and not right now. In the case of the not so fun classes, it feels bad. Sorcerer, which I will now call Sorceress from this point forward (because I have a female char and it was that in D2 dammit) is the most picked class, but stats show people drop the class after a certain point due to what I mentioned above. It’s no good. I hope this changes. I’d love to keep playing Sorceress but I don’t think needed changes will happen before Season 1 drops in less than a month. The character creator, while not in depth, having it at all is greatly appreciated. I have to state another good point. The devs have been very responsive and open to feedback at a surprising level. It almost make you think you aren’t playing a Activision Blizzard game…almost. While not all the changes we may want are implemented yet, there has been quite a few patches and hotfixes since before even the early/retail release, during the period of the open beta. That’s fantastic and a great sign. This does give me hope for the future…even if not immediate. The environment, characters (with changes needed and ever pending), and dev feedback all feel great. I genuinely enjoy and appreciate visually what I am looking at now since Diablo III’s original presentation. While Reaper of Souls made it better, this delivers the environmental feel closer Diablo and Diablo II. I approve highly…but you all reading this know better right? It was getting to this point. This is where the grass starts to get brown or rotten at the core. Part of this…or perhaps a big part of this may be personal preference but hear me out on this. Here’s the other half of the story.

By design, this game was doomed to fail in my eyes for as much as I like Diablo. I am mostly not a fan of open world. It truly takes a great world I’m legitimately interested, or some sense of actual purpose behind what I’m doing. Elden Ring accomplishes this even with its samey dungeons because I may get upgrade materials, new challenges, and a new boss (sometimes). With Diablo IV, most of its dungeons are like Elden Ring dungeons, except even less variety in the dungeons (if you can imagine that) a slight chance of getting something to upgrade your endgame gear and absurd drop rates. It doesn’t feel rewarding and the higher you push in Nightmare Dungeons to get better chances at stuff, feels particularly bad with my favorite class, Sorceress. Build variety takes a hit with Sorceress. You’re restricted to the same defensive options for each build to maybe keep you alive. It sucks. There are microtransactions and they are disgustingly priced, and you already paid for the game upfront. It isn’t pay to win however, so as much as this sucks on principle, it isn’t a huge deal. It’s a much bigger deal for anyone with addictive tendencies and to those people, I’m sorry. This sucks. Personally, I’m more concerned about what the game has to offer. I got sidetracked again while making other points. There’s more to this. Diablo IV leans more towards MMO while keeping the spirit of an ARPG game. I like having the extra stuff to do. Dare I say I even enjoy it? Yeah, I do. I like the world bosses (big group boss fights), world events (normal party size events to kill enemies), even watching terrible groups fail legion events because the are too slow (bigger group, kill groups of enemies in a set timeframe). The problem is when I should be doing either Helltide (sections of the map change in favor of collecting materials and fighting some bosses) to go towards better drops in chests in those areas, or should just simply be running nightmare dungeons because these samey dungeons are pretty much what matters in the endgame, everything else just feels like a chore. I await the important stuff. I suppose I forgot that this is also technically a live service game since it has a season pass and such, so again, by design, probably something I won’t like. Seasonal play hasn’t hit quite yet, so I dunno how I will feel about it. However, live service by design is not respectful of your time. What has to be one of the biggest offenders of wasting your time in this game is the paragon board. I made the decision to redo my paragon board. If you want to respec your character, it costs gold. I think it should be free but fine. No big deal. It refunds all nodes. All 58 of them assuming you have them all. You know what you can’t refund all of? Your 225 total paragon board nodes should you choose to respect. You have to go one by one and they all cost gold. Some you have to click twice to remove a rune attached to a node and then refund the node after removing the rune. Way to not respect a gamers time. I suppose storage is also an issue and gems don’t have their own bag, but they will be addressing this at some point around I think Season 2...so I guess they get a pass because they at least heard and addressed this. It’s not an issue for me. Yet. Play this game with friends if you like it but can’t stand all the in between stuff that mostly won’t matter when you’re doing endgame activities. That’s the best advice I can give. The foundation is here for a greater game (in my opinion) than Diablo III, but we’re not there yet. We need some further class balancing and a Tier 5 difficulty with actual different activities and/or new gear to chase for levels 80-100. By the time I got to this section before posting this review, my Sorceress is level 82. I’m not sure I care to get to 100 other than to say yay, I did it, pretty unenthusiastically. Uber Lilith, the level 100, play perfect challenge only gets you a horse skin. No thanks, I’ll pass. To stick a number on it to help make my point, this is a solid 6.5 to 7 out of 10 game. On days in which lag/rubber banding is a problem, even on people’s higher end PCs, I might even be inclined to put it at lower due to frustration, but I won’t. I think this is fair. If in Diablo III I was in and out of the game because I didn’t care for the overall scene or much at all, Diablo IV is the opposite. I love the overall scene and it is a good campaign, but what remains in the endgame, what matters in Diablo IV is an extension of how some people feel about real life. It’s fine…but you’re just going through the motions hoping it will eventually get better. I’d compare this to relationship you’ve been in too long but this is early in the game’s lifecycle. Things will get better, right? Right? We shall see.

[russilton]

I understand the point you're trying to make about George and homophobic comments but can you stop likening the very real oppression that Lewis is the victim of to some ignorant twitter comments on a white driver with a girlfriend?! Lewis is literally attacked in real-life by the kkk fanbase of that vile sport, ex champions throw around violently racist and homophobic slurs towards him without any pushback, stewards publicly wish for him to burn in his car (yes this has happened more than once), his literal championship was stolen to make space for their "great white hope" (in their words), other drivers have victim-blamed Lewis for years of racist abuse. This is the level of oppression that Lewis has dealt with in the sport, don't ever compare his situation to anyone else. I know you won't post this because white queers hate addressing their racism but you need to stop talking about Lewis if you insist on using him as a prop for your ship. You remind me of Barca fans who claim Gavi is oppressed due to sports heckling while a whole stadium chants racist abuse to Vini. In the wake of the discourse centering the racist abuse that black athletes face in Europe, it's asinine to compare a black athlete's situation with a white one. On that note, I have yet to see you speak up on the racism and homophobia that Lewis is subjected to, but you're always prepared to paint your cishet white fav as oppressed.

I spent a very long time trying to figure out how to answer this ask, most of the day if I'm honest, because while I’m always willing to learn, I also think some of the things you’ve said here just aren’t true, and the fact that I’ve made you feel that they are means I need to be clearer with what I’m expressing.

At no point did I ever, ever, ever intend for it to sound like I was saying what George is dealing with currently is anywhere close to what Lewis deals with on a daily basis. And I don’t think that’s what I said at all, but if it came off that way, it’s something I want to change.

For the sake of transparency, I've made an edit to the original post to clarify my point. I understand now it might have come away belittling to seem like I was equating a more isolated incident to something larger and much more complex, and I'm sorry for that, it was just the only incident I could come to at the time.

I’m not looking for anyone to come to my defence here, because I’d rather speak for myself, nor do I want to make it sound like I've never made mistakes. I've made plenty, on here included, and i've done my level best to change and listen. But if you believe I have never spoken about the racism Lewis faces, have you been around that long?

I talk about it often, and as blatantly as I can while also making clear that as a white guy, I’m not the voice that should be listened to, and that it’s better for me to promote POC speakers or link to them instead. I'm sorry you if it appears like I'm not doing it enough, Ive been trying to listen instead of speak, which is what i've been told to do in the past on here by other anons. When asks have crossed the topic, I've been blunt about the systemic racism in f1, and why it serves F1 to suppress Lewis' voice. But again, there is a limit to what I have said myself, because I don't think its right to make myself the centre focus, when it should be more informed voices.

The only reason it may seem like I do more speaking myself when it comes to homophobia around Lewis AND George, is that it's something I HAVE experienced firsthand, and can more effectively talk about. The vitriol Lewis faces for self expression and the homophobic stereotypes that pour out with it are things I've been open about before, and Lewis' own changing views on gender and gendered clothing are something I'm deeply proud of him for.

But i also need to say I want to be able to talk about multiple issues at once without it seemingly like one is standing over the other, or should detract attention. It's both true that Lewis faces abuse that the officials surrounding F1 and even Mercedes itself will sweep under the rug or belittle, AND that the torrent of Homophobic abuse George is facing needs to be addressed no matter his sexuality or relationship status due to the effect it'll have on his fans.

I care less about how George feels as someone who isn't routinely oppressed and able to easily access support, and more about how formula one continues to absolve fans of extremely bigoted behaviour under the umbrella of calling them a bad outliers rather than addressing the root issues of the sports own willing ignorance and allowance of hateful behaviours from stewards, marshals, team staff and even other drivers. It's not about how the drivers feel, but how minority fans are pushed out in favour of the toxic cesspool f1 has happily encouraged the growth of in order to rake in their money, rather than address. There is not a single f1 comment section on any team, or official social page i would willingly step into, because It is never anything but filled with the worst voices that f1 just.. ignores. Until they're booing Max Verstappen on track, and we're all demanded to be nicer to him, even as he continues to stoke the kinds of fans that have called me every slur in the book and told me to off myself. There is a reason I only interact with F1 on tumblr of all places, it is legitimately the only site I feel safe to do so.

I was a Lewis fan before I was a George fan, and I think I will always find a closer home in him than I will with any other driver. No driver has stood up quite as vocally for issues both close to home for me and issues the world over. No other driver has stuck his neck out the same way or made me feel quite as allowed into a traditionally cis het white space. I only became a motorsport fan because Lewis made me feel like there was a space for people like me.

[clementinatehasperdido]

My 2023 in books. Part IV

October

Big Swiss - Jen Beagin ⭐⭐⭐ 3/5

It is a witty, funny, very clever novel. It gives us the troop of messed-up female protagonists and I think it is very important to be able to empathize and love this type of protagonists. It is a book that you have to pick up and read at specific moments in life.

 “It takes an enormous amount of energy—and courage—to free yourself, to follow the path of transformation without abandoning yourself, without fleeing from your pain and all the loss you’ve experienced.” 

A visit from the goon squad- Jennifer Egan  ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4/5   

I liked. It has a strange structure. It's not exactly a novel, it's several stories intertwined with each other. You live, you get old and you die. It breaks your heart a little but at the same time it's beautiful. If you like music you will also enjoy it.

“There's a fine line between thinking about somebody and thinking about not thinking about somebody, but I have the patience and the self-control to walk that line for hours - days, if I have to.”

The Candy House - Jennifer Egan ⭐⭐⭐⭐4/5

It's a difficult book to describe, it's good. They are intertwined stories. It's about technology, very black mirror. It serves as a sequel to “A visit from the goon squad” but can be read on its own. What I like about Egan is that she takes the time to give each of his characters independence. This book shows that as humans we have the need to connect with each other and I think that is beautiful.

“Who could resist the chance to revisit our memories, the majority of which we’d forgotten so completely that they seemed to belong to someone else?”

Bakkhai - Translation Anne Carson - Euripides - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  5/5    

I'm going to say it again... Anne Carson was born to translate Euripides. I read in a review “Anne Carson and Euripides where born for eachother” I love it. The Bacchae is a beautiful tragedy, even subversive I would say.

“Beginnings are special because most of them are fake”

The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories -Howard Phillips Lovecraft ⭐⭐⭐  3/5 

It's a reread, spooky october. Love it. I don't have much to say about it, I read it little by little before going to sleep every day to get in the mood. I would like to say that it was more transcendental for my life.

Orpheus & Eurydice: A Lyric Sequence - Gregory Orr ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  5/5 

A beautiful collection of poems. It destroyed my soul. It is the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. I know the story by heart, even so every word hurt me. I loved it. I don't really read poetry, but this was a nice surprise.

“To guide someone through the halls of hell is not the same as love”

Electra- Other Version Translation by Anne Carson -  Sophocles  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  5/5 

Lines above I already declared my love for Anne Carson. I will declare my love for Electra by Sophocles. It is a wonderful tragedy. It shows that when injustice persists, when the laws do not work, there, within one, the most human thing that exists is born: resentment.

“As for me- what harm can do it do to die in words?”

“I live in a place of tears”

November

We Paint - Chloe Ashby ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4/5   

So sad. Written in a very beautiful way, another book about grief. But this time it is the grief of having lost a best friend. Somehow it brought back memories of the past. Heartbreaking.

“Better to be strangers for life, she must have thought, than to pick each other apart, one long, slow day at a time.” 

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous- Ocean Vuong ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  5/5 

Another of my favorite books I read this year. Damn Vuong writes with immeasurable talent. Gentle but strong. At times raw but at others soft. With such detail that each word is well calculated. I shed tears all the time. It is a perfect book.

“Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined.” 

“When does a war end? When can I say your name and have it mean only your name and not what you left behind?”

“I'm sorry I keep saying How are you? when I really mean Are you happy?”

Lanny - Max Porter ⭐⭐⭐⭐  4/5 

A fucking weird story. But I liked it. Max Porter has that power to leave me surprised every time. It was a quick read, I enjoyed it. It's like a fable. It reminded me of Latin American magical realism.

“False things, endings. Sustenance for fools and never what they claim to be.”

All the light we cannot see - Anthony Doerr ⭐⭐⭐  3/5

When I read it I gave it 4 stars, in retrospect I give it 3. I did enjoy it a lot. I think it does a lot, it says a lot and it's a nice story, very sad tho. But I was left with a strange feeling, as if a piece was missing. It has very descriptive and beautiful prose. 

“You know the greatest lesson of history? It’s that history is whatever the victors say it is. That’s the lesson. Whoever wins, that’s who decides the history. We act in our own self-interest. Of course we do. Name me a person or a nation who does not. The trick is figuring out where your interests are.” 

When all is said - Anne Griffin⭐⭐⭐⭐  4/5 

Another sad but intricate book. Precious. It is narrated by a dying man who decides to talk to five important people in his life. Full of regrets and reproaches, the book presents a nostalgic story. I cried. I felt it very close to my heart.

“I’m here to remember – all that I have been and all that I will never be again.”

A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - Suzanne Collins ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  5/5  

Is it really any surprise that this book gets a 5/5? It's Suzanne Collins, it's THG. I think Collins knows how to write about his characters very well and knows how to write what is precise. That's why there are 4 books and no more. This book is exactly what it should be, the villain origin story.

“You’ve no right to starve people, to punish them for no reason. No right to take away their life and freedom. Those are things everyone is born with, and they’re not yours for the taking. Winning a war doesn’t give you that right. Having more weapons doesn’t give you that right. Being from the Capitol doesn’t give you that right. Nothing does.” 

White nights- Fyodor Dostoevsky⭐⭐⭐⭐  4/5 

Did i had to do this to myself? No. But I did it. Depressant. It's so…heavy. White Nights is a short story, quick to read but damn it leaves you paralyzed.

“I don’t know how to be silent when my heart is speaking.” 

December

A Pale View Of The Hills - Kazuo Ishiguro ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  5/5

Beautiful story by Ishiguro. Again, Ishiguro knows how to write stories that break your heart. It is the story of a mother and her youngest daughter who talk about the suicide of their eldest daughter. A beautiful text. Worthy of shedding tears.  

“As with a wound on one's own body, it is possible to develop an intimacy with the most disturbing of things”

What We Talk About When We Talk About Love- Raymond Carver  

Raymond Carver, terrible human being. There is no review about it for that reason. But good stories.

Cathedral-Raymond Carver  

Raymond Carver, terrible human being. There is no review about it for that reason. But good stories.

The Burning God- R.F. Kuang ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  5/5 

The end. It destroyed me, there are no words. I closed the year with this book. It's a strange mix of relief and sadness. It is the devastation left by the acts of war but also the self-realization of what one has done. How are actions justified? It was a great closure to the saga.

“Take what you want. I’ll hate you for it. But I’ll love you forever. I can’t help but love you.” 

“It doesn’t go away. It never will. But when it hurts, lean into it. It’s so much harder to stay alive. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to live. It means you’re brave.” 

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

Three-song playlist

Rules: Compile three-song playlists for as many OCs as you can/would like to

thank you @dujour13 for the tag!!

under a read more bc I'm doing all of them<3 and taking a leaf out of your book and doing three for Celia and Cecios sibling relationship too!

if anyone hasn't been tagged and wants to do it, take this as a tag!

Mura

Dangerous

Are you dangerous? With your measure of proof Thoughts are slivers of gold Abscond with the truth

How does it feel To be your own deceiver? Signals raised Then lost to the aether

Los Ageless

In Los Ageless, the winter never comes In Los Ageless, the mothers milk their young But I can keep running No, I can keep running The Los Ageless hang out by the bar Burn the pages of unwritten memoirs But I can keep running No, I can keep running

Red Right Hand

He'll wrap you in his arms, tell you that you've been a good boy He'll rekindle all the dreams it took you a lifetime to destroy He'll reach deep into the hole, heal your shrinking soul, but there won't be a single thing that you can do

Georgie

I Chose the Road

i dont ask for riches to furnish my days, when ive got the dawn and the soft evening haze so i chose the road, oh for me a life of being born to be slow, the green hills in the distance are calling me home, oh for me a life, of being born to be slow under the open sky

my convictions are strong and my vision i true, ive bowed to no man and i'll not kneel to you a life in your pocket is a life behind bars, but out here by my fire you can see all the stars

If I Ever Found Love

[i haven't transcribed this song yet]

Winter Mist

among the silent oaks a ragged army of free hearted folk stand against you armed only with what is true your power is obsolete no more of you need come through

traitors! how dare you come here to break this place? you'll die alone with your empty eyes your kids will leave you as you left them with the end of times

Celia

Insight

Guess your dreams always end. They don't rise up just descend, But I don't care anymore, I've lost the will to want more, I'm not afraid not at all, I watch them all as they fall, But I remember when we were young.

Training Montage

I'm doing this for revenge I am doing this to try and stay true I'm doing this for the ones We had to leave behind, I'm doing this for you I'm doing this for you

Volatile Times

I drove through countries like a marching funeral In the search of fools and utopias Along the lonely roads with all the empty human souls Filling their heavy hearts With slum religion and Coca-Cola Every book is read and I'm paralyzed Every fist is clenched, but I'm so tired

Goodbye my friends Goodbye to the money Adieu to the fuckers that think that it's funny I just want to turn the lights on in these volatile times

Cecio

Adam Raised a Cain

All of the old faces Ask you why you're back They fit you with position And the keys to your daddy's Cadillac

You're born into this life paying For the sins of somebody else's past

Now he walks these empty rooms looking for something to blame But you inherit the sins, you inherit the flames

Open the Gate

So open the gates I'm here to prove I'm better than my father was And where he came from too Open the gates I'm here to ride To Hell I Go With daddy by my side

And I ain't never feared nothing That was four-legged and bucking Throw me on a hurricane And I'll ride it to the coast You'll never know that your son Came to do what you should've done On a summer day a long time ago Top a bull named To Hell I Go

Good Boy

I never promised affection Don't tell me what this is I've got so much to give I've got so much to give

'Cause I'm a good boy I'm here to help you out out of your clothes and into self doubt

Celia & Cecio

Children's Work

But I've learned how to paint my face How to earn my keep How to clean my kill Some nights I still can't sleep The past rolls back, I can see us still You've learned how to hold your own How to stack your stones But the history's thick Children aren't as simple As we'd like to think

Adam Raised a Cain

We were prisoners of love, a love in chains He was standin' in the door I was standin' in the rain With the same hot blood burning in our veins

Insight

Yeah we wasted our time, We didn't really have time, But we remember when we were young.

And all God's angels beware, And all you judges beware, Sons of chance, take good care, For all the people not there, I'm not afraid anymore

[its-a-hil]

answering everything for this ask game

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect? there are. a number of them. flare (clark powell, for homestuck) magilou's theme (motoi sakuraba, for tales of berseria) electricity forecast (inabakumori, really everything by them is just. so good) 14.3 billion years (andrew prahlow, for outer wilds)

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)? how hard teaching is :/ idk it's difficult to process anything else when im having a fulltime job for the first time in my life -_-

bamboo ⇢ do you change into a different outfit when you get home? yes absolutely i need to wear something comfy and soft and unrestrictive so like. leggings and a t shirt. having to wear vaguely formal clothes to work is nice for my self esteem but they are absolutely not home clothes at all

abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with? not at the moment but i want to!! new year's resolution is to buy/make a necklace with 30 lunar phases and wear the appropriate one every day in 2024

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them? i have an older sister, we're extremely different lmao i guess we're both academically inclined and like reading fantasy, but that's like. it. though we are both currently getting our masters degrees from the same university so that's neat

mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does? i guess… seeing something that was more beautiful than i expected? that's very vague hold on one time i was walking home from my office hours as a ta after a student had held me late these were evening office hours, so like. it was 2230, i was not dressed for the cold, i was annoyed at the student but but as i was passing a little field of grass, there were little ice crystals on the blades in the light of the streetlamp, as the wind was blowing the grass and i was walking past it the grass glittered i cant think of a better way to describe it but ive never seen anything like it since it completely made my day so yeah. that's my answer

chia ⇢ what’s an inside joke you have with someone else? hm idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i feel like inside jokes usually just become part of my vocabulary

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is? fiction i think it's because im much closer to being good at writing than i am to any other art form so it resonates more with me since i can feel/imagine its creation in a way that i cant for music or visual art also sometimes i read my own past writing and it eats me alive

edelweiss ⇢ how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you? it's associated with my name obv, since it's just a pronunciation guide but it's also associated with my avi edits, which are wonderful and make me feel great joy

camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot? oh absolutely also not at all past me and present me both had/have an absurd inability to compartmentalize, a large degree of silliness, and a general love for the world the main difference is that ive… done more things

jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again? not quite a movie or a book but. katanagatari. i really liked it but also it is so fucking slow i tried to rewatch it a couple years ago and i couldnt bc it was just so wordy

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired? it's quite easy to tell if im upset or tired i feel idk if theres a difference between them just like. looking at my eyes. also i take pauses when im tired/upset. also my voice is just. god. unsure about a tell for whether im happy though im not very in tune with my emotions to be able to tell that at least with other people if im by myself ill stim and the cadence/type of stim makes my emotional state obvious but who ever sees that

chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts? things that encourage me to do something i want to do but need the motivation for my college friend group does a yearly gift exchange and a couple years ago i wished for earrings as motivation to get my ears pierced (it took me another 9 months but. we still did it girlies !!)

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life? hm. failure? failing a class, or having a relationship break down, or tripping and getting myself seriously injured just. something that reminds me how ubiquitous loss is, that forces my brain to accept the fact that it's okay to not try to be perfect

palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless? aranea homestuck!! something about the way that she knew that the game over timeline would break, did her best to avoid it, and everything fell apart anyway the part where she kisses jake and is like "wait why are you freaking out?? i know you like me this was supposed to encourage you" is just. she's doing her fucking best and putting her all into saving the timeline and yet everything she's doing is hurting and she doesn't know why also the part where she snaps and mind controls damaras to smash planets together in a desperate attempt to kill the condesce. so important. love her idk if she even counts as a villain but the story hates her so. it counts for me

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on? haha… "decorated"... that sure is a word…………

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with? oooooh answer !! god. tales of luminaria was so fucking good!! (this was the trailer theme, and it was honestly the first thing that clued me into the fact that the game would be amazing)

taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about? i guess for a general hypothetical person, i'd tell them how i have a teaching job now, how i have to manage a horrible curriculum that's just. extremely pedagogically unsound i'd also tell them that i went to la over the summer and got to see my 2nd space shuttle orbiter, that i don't yet live somewhere with public transit but that day is growing ever closer and im so excited

[bluegalaxygirl]

Hello again 😁!!

I don’t know if this is okay to ask, but would you be comfortable to share something about yourself? I could be anything as long as your comfortable with sharing it and it’s also okay if you don’t feel like answering this. I’d just like to get to know you a bit better since you seems to be such a beautiful person. 😊

Thank you for all your great One Piece stories!! They always make my day and help me get through them. ❤️

Thank you so much for all the love and support you and everyone else have been giving me, i'm happy to talk a bit about myself and I'll put a Trigger warning down bellow when i talk about some stuff. I don't mind talking about it since it was a long time ago and i hope it shows that others aren't alone. Also this is way longer than i thought it would be.

So first off i'm a very creative person i used to write a lot when i was in high school mainly because i have dyslexia (BTW why do they have to make it hard to spell) and it helped me a lot to understand words and spell. I remember when i was 13 i had the reading age of a 5-year old but thanks to one lady, i got up to my own age in reading in two years (Something my primary school refused to do). I do a lot of other creative stuff too like art, cross stitching, card making (I'm currently making Christmas cards for my family this year, its snow globe themed), jewelry making, sticker making and i'm trying to paint figures again. I

I also like to write how i want to be treated or how people should be treated while in a relationship, with love, respect, kindness and understanding. I wasn't treated like that in my past relationships, nothing bad happened and i wasn't abused but there were times when i would have to "Remind" them of my boundaries. That's also a big thing for me plus communication, if there's a problem or something is bothering you then it should be talked about so you can both understand and maybe figure out a solution. I find it funny how i love writing romance and stuff but i can't stand romance movies, i 1000% hate them, i just find them so annoying.

I love making people happy and i believe that if you are kind to others then they will be kind back but i'm also no longer a push over. If i don't like you then i won't talk to you. Family is very important to me but unfortunately there are members of my family that i can't stand for one reason or another and i won't talk to them as much but if i'm in a room with them i'm happy to be kind unless their not.

My favorite flowers are Sunflowers, there just so big and happy and come in different color's and shades. I love anime and playing video games, my favorite is watch dogs 2 but i also love the south park games. I love anything to do with autumn/fall, pumpkins (I love to help my mum make pumpkin soup and pumpkin pie), horror, maple leaves, cozy jumpers and socks, it's also the perfect time to start drinking hot chocolate. :)

TRIGGER WARNING AREA

You don't have to read through this part, its just explaining what iv been through and why i'm ok about writing stuff.

I was bullied all through primary school and all through high school, calling it hell would be an understatement, it didn't matter how nice i was or if i told a teacher it would still continue. I was spat at, called every name under the book, had my hair pulled, got kicked and pushed around and yet the teachers wouldn't do anything. When i was in primary school one of my bullies pushed me off a climbing set and i broke my wrist, she said it was an accident and the teachers believed her. My parents were constantly fighting the school, but they had an excuse for everything and i couldn't be moved form that school since it was way better than any of the others around (I would have gotten treated worse in any other school). In high school i was heavily sexualized by the boys, after years of bullying and getting no where with anyone you end up just shutting down and not saying anything, i went years without telling my parents anything or complaining to a teacher because it would go no where. My parents new something was going on but without me saying anything or any kind of evidence they couldn't confront the school.

When i was 14 i was sexually assaulted by a boy on school grounds (I found out when i was in collage my bullies told him to do it and one of them would sleep with him, and they did), I started talking to my parents again after that, and we got the police involved unfortunately it was my word against his because the bullies who where the only ones around said they didn't say anything (Even though they said to my face that they did and laughed about it) and the cameras in the area didn't work, i still don't know if that was the truth or not. I ended up getting yelled at by the headmistress for getting the police involved and then told me and the boy should sit down and talk about it. My parents went off on her after that and i feel so stupid because when they said they were moving me to another school i told them no. I wish i moved schools but the school i went too was the only one going Photography GCSE's and i wanted to be a photographer and my parents didn't fight me on it. Luckily things got better after that i think my bullies were to focused on getting a good grade than me but it didn't completely stop.

I worked hard though and passed all except one and got into collage where i did Photography for 2 years, i loved it so much and am so proud of myself for getting a very high grade despite falling very ill in the second year and hardly being able to attend classes but the teachers and staff there were amazing and gave me everything i needed. The first year i had some problems, me and the boy who assaulted me went to the same collage and lived in the same town, so we would get the same train i did, i tried to avoid him but i noticed he started sitting or standing close to me on and off the train. The first time i realized he was basically stalking me is when i got to the station and deliberately missed the train i was supposed to get, and he didn't get on when usually he would. The next time i got on the train and then got back off once he was on, and he left the train too. We got the railway police involved, but they said because he hasn't touched me there's nothing they could do, but they did give him a warning. That warning made everything worse though, he started following me to class even when i was with friends, he would stand right in front of me or right behind me if i was standing on the train, he even started to follow me home. Finally, the railway police gave him a restraining order and it all stopped thank gods.

I was too shy back then but after a lot of therapy and learning self defense i became more confident and able to stand up for myself, i still have my moments of going into my shell but i try to fight back with words if i can.