#ive only just started but this game fucks hardcore

[styxnbones]

YOU 🫵 GO PLAY UMARANGI GENERATION

[narwhalandchill]

anyway since wuwa might or might not be dying sooner than expected (and irregardless of that i have just been soured on kuro after this mess. feel awful for the regular devs still tho) in search of entertainment i actually ended up booting up my dear old 3ds and starting after like. now almost a year of enjoying some nuzlocke content on yt every now and then. my own first nuzlocke ever w a fresh save of black 2 bc i miss unova. gen 5 is so fucking goated man

im not gonna do like super strict hardcore rules to a T but it is set mode with no in-battle items (i reserve a right to save my oshawotts life in an emergency tho) and no like. at least overt overleveling might do like 1-2 lvl for a key move or sth for a boss fight. anyway at virbank complex now and i already have a steel type (magnemite) and an intimidate user (vital spirit lillipup into herdier) and if youtube has taught me anything about nuzlocke meta strats that basically means ive won already right. Surely

anyway having fun so far!!!! tho since im not emulating on PC posting like. screenshots of the Journey in here isnt rly viable (this is an emulated game tho . mod ur 3ds gang. from the sequels i only have white 2 on cartridge and its mid-playthru) but might be doing some updates on it by text anyway if i feel like it. ive always been a very virgo moon overtly cautious risk averse perfectionist overleveler in pokemon so the different approach a nuzlocke forces u into is rly just a completely new experience for me we shall see where it goes :]

[tainbocuailnge]

i think one of the primary factors behind granblue fantasy’s continued success is that it’s a game that’s very easy to come back to. the barrier of entry for granblue has always been pretty high and has only gotten higher with the years despite repeat attempts from cygames to make the early stages of getting started easier, because in “streamlining” old content they ended up just removing a lot of it which means you have barely anything to do in the game until you hit rank 100 where all the actual content is. I used to really hate the “100 rank tutorial” jokes for being exaggerated but they’ve gotten increasingly real over the years.

however once you’re past that barrier and have a grid and are at the player rank where you have shit to do the granblue fantasy content schedule is very comfortable with you either playing the game nonstop for days or completely ignoring it for months, because regardless of when you last opened the game there will be like thirty little tasks you can juggle working towards and there’s a valor badge event coming soon if you need a more specific goal and all that’s really changed is there’s more characters now and more swag outfits to put on your player character and also they’re letting you skip over some of the more annoying chores now and slipped another 300 ap recovery items into your inventory. being a browser game means it doesn’t even hoard valuable storage space when you’re going through a period of not playing it. there’s going to be new jacked up endgame raids but whatever ol reliable team you set up a year ago is definitely still going to work in whatever raid you made it for, and that raid is probably still going to be relevant to you if it’s the last thing you were farming so you can pick up right where you left off.

so even though my relationship with granblue has been rocky the past few years to say the least, whenever some seasonal campaign comes around I often end up playing for a while again anyway because even if the state of the game progresses it doesn’t feel like i’m left behind. whenever the mood for some number go up strikes my ex game dot granbluefantasy dot jp is ready and waiting.

when it comes to long running live service games and especially gacha games that can’t easily go back on having released something before that’s actually a very hard balance to strike so i think granblue really does deserve high praise for managing to not leave players that don’t actively keep up behind. and I think especially the past year or so they’ve made a lot of respectable efforts towards making sure the older stuff that you put a lot of effort into back when it was the best you could get still remains relevant as the game progresses which is part of why i have a more positive attitude towards the game again lately too. the extra grid slots for bahamut and ultima weapons in both sandbox (casual content) and revans raids + super ultimate bahamut (hardcore endgame content) are a great move when there’s always more new fancy weapons fighting for a grid slot that these former endgame must-haves couldn’t compete with anymore.

the class design on row V classes and recent mastery bonuses for row IV to go with it are a good example too because they clearly made an effort to have row V be both a clear upgrade but also more demanding to use (stricter mainhand requirements due to aux weapons, high commitment for farming shields and manatura) so there remains reason to use the row IV counterpart that you put all those masteries into to get row V in the first place. class design in general has been genuinely really good lately both in visual design (slutty gran outfits) and how it plays. so here too coming back to game dot granbluefantasy dot jp after a long time away you won’t find that everything you worked so hard for is now obsolete but rather that you can just keep playing your favourite class forever and make it fuck even harder if thats what you want

and i say things will be mostly the same whenever you get back but i also think introducing battle system v2 and the recent change to qilin were pretty ballsy moves and good signs that cygames continues to think about the long term health of the game even though they blatantly always wanted to be a console game dev and it felt like they’d put all the competent people on GBVS and relink for years. actually maybe the fact that relink is finally coming close to being a real game is why mobile granblue is getting better again recently. anyway. lord forgive me but i’m back on my shit (playing granblue fantasy again)

[wonusite]

Im bored out of my mind so lets share some of our fave kinks to read with the most sitting members, also i will try to write only one kink for eacn member or some of them will be longer than wonu's dick

Seungcheol: daddy kink (i used to hate this tbh but somehow i dont mind it when its an idol with actual "daddy aura"), breeding kink

Jeonghan: idk actually i never picked a spesific trope or kink for him while reading, both soft and hard kinks suit him

Joshua: ehem, so this not morally okay but in royalty au's sometimes the authors write about how fem character- forget it, its soft dom!shua with the biggest praise kink ever

Jun: virgin killer Jun, anything to do with him being the experienced one and him guiding(?) his partner

Hoshi: PET PLAY!!! just kidding of course i hate pet play, bondage it is

Wonwoo: size kink, SIZE KINK (cant emphasize this enough)

Jihoon: 😀😀😀 no, im not going to say studio sex and leave it there, but in also cant come with something other than sadist!jihoon and ive never read a fic about ever lol

I came back to this after writing chan and i still cant find something for him, maybe strength kink??? He would like to show off by holding you against a wall while fucking

Seokmin: hand kink, also his nose is perfect because it will stimulate the clit while hes giving oral-

Mingyu: i only have your daddy gyu and puppy gyu in my mind right now so ill say soft morning sex where you confess your undying love for each other, cockwarming (is cockwarming classified as a kink?)

Minghao: comfort sex (this isnt even a kink but can you blame me?),

Seungkwan: in a kinktober i read about thigh fucking with him and thats why i started writing this ask, i know i said that he doesnt prefer a part on his partners body in one of my old headcanons but this shit is fitting for hard dom kwan, soft dom kwan is more vanilla than anything but he likes marking

Vernon: he is either the kinkiest motherfucker or the most vanilla one i dont take critisizm, he likes seeing his partner all dolled up for him even tho he likes seeing you bare too so i would say clothing kink but nothing extreme, thigh highs, a lingerie in his fave color or a sexy party dress. Also he likes thighs, he is a thigh guy

Chan: he is my little baby dont bring him into thi- hardcore stuff like bondage, blindfolds, power dynamics (if you dont have it he will suggest roleplay) and you might say they are not always hardcore but trust me, when he is the one fucking you the game (and his dick) is harder than you can imagine

Guess who is awake at 00.43 a.m

Not proofrwad of course but whatevet

crazy crazy crazy.

[emduo]

my personal hexxit hardcore hcs/thoughts. Grins

-pretend i added the hx! thing in front of their names here ok im too lazy to retype it . im talking about their mc characters not them as people. whatever .you understand

-both of them started off human but became hybrids. classic mcrp design choice . phil is a chocobo (mainly has the feet, wings, tail and ear feathers etc), he is mostly flightless but can float a little and runs and jumps way faster #hardcoreparkour. schlatt is a bighorn sheep (horns, hooves, tail) though it would also be cool to me if he looked more like the questing ram! not 100% sure yet. phil’s also either a gold or yellow chocobo 2 me <- ik black chocobos exist and would fit into his typical design more but shhhh I don’t care. this also is my justification for why phil was so fond of chocobos etc

-my justification for them being part mob is like. every time they hack into the server to revive themselves they have to take some kind of energy or matter from their world/living beings around them to replace the energy/parts of themselves that they lost when they died. like absorbing their life forces or whatever. i.e. schlatt first died landing on his feet so he grows hooves in their place, phil suffocated so i like to think that maybe his lungs/stomach/other internal organs changed a bit, and when they both died together they got exploded + died of fall damage so other various chunks of their bodies got transformed/replaced.

-basically. they look very out of place at first but over time they visually become more and more like the world around them. if i had the energy to draw this whole process it would basically just show not only their clothes and bodies changing, but their color palettes/art style transforming a bit as well until they match the world’s aesthetic more.

-speaking of aesthetic God i fucking love how hexxit looks and feels. the colors especially… just very simplistic and nostalgic and dreamy, idk how else to word it. probably feels that way bc it’s an older version of minecraft. tbh i listen to music a lot to get inspired for hxhc ideas and kubbi + gorillaz + some of philza’s stream playlist + random stereotypical dnd/old fantasy game music are my biggest inspirations

-i used to also draw parts of them as glitching and slowly losing chunks of themselves to represent them deteriorating over time from prolonging their lives unnaturally, not sure how to work that into their designs anymore but i still like it

-also they do Not just suddenly stop their adventure on episode 5 idc. im playing hexxit 2 myself and there’s sooo much shit they could go explore. in my mind palace pretending they fought the twilight lich or fell into limbo (like i did… ermph). and schlatt still has that fucking mirror. and they still live in that shitty r/malelivingspace ice cave with their ghost armadillo

-they do in fact share a bed and i never forgot that detail . its so silly to me. schlatt is hogging that entire blanket and randomly elbowing and kicking phil all night and it’s so miserable

-hxhc being canon to dsmp would not make sense at all but it’s really funny to me so ive added it to my belief system. they don’t even get to meet each other in dsmp afaik so who cares, plus i can’t remember shit about the revive book but that could explain why schlatt specifically would know how to revive people from the dead… red string on corkboard i know

-in my dreams i see that place….. pink door + lawn

[nathank77]

8/24/24

7:01 p.m Added to 7:40 p.m cause yea bo4 is down the toilet for the rest of the night and I already Masterbated so like now it's just hallucinate until I lose consciousness again. Which is triggering cause I have to close my eyes forever just to sleep bc my brain is too broken to sleep fast. Or to sleep at all.

I hope bo4 continues to be a distraction as it's getting closer to bed time and I'm getting anxious and my mental images are still not perfect.. they improved a lot but I still have to fight them and of course my hallucination never ends.

Bo4 has been touch and go... I almost got a nuclear... got a brutal (25 kills without dying) and died right after only 5 kills left. I earned so many ruthless (15 kills without dying) it's starting to go downhill now and it sucks cause I need to be distracted so I don't think about everything that I'm anxiuos about which is everything.

I really do want to kill myself, as I write this, as I think whatever, as I play I hear a voice constantly trying to interrupt my internal monolgue with fucking useless shit and I can't stand the idea that this is just forever for me.

I really might just jump to 5000mg of white mulberries bc I can't fucking cope with this anymore. It's been almost a year and I see no sign of recovery at all. None.

I don't think I'm going to recover. I honestly don't. I don't think brains recover not from this kind of damage. It's too damaged. It's too broken. It's too fucked up. It legit never stops and I mean never.

I cherish my 15 seconds every minute it's pathetic. That's "recovery."

If I can't think about it bc it makes me hallucinate then how the fuck am I supposed to stop thinking about it? It's a fucking catch 22. You don't think about it and can have true silence but once you think about it, it's back.

My brain is seriously mangled and I just want to end it all bc it's not getting better.

Maybe after hardcore barebones. Then at least I'll have some positive virtual memories to look back on. I already hung out with John. And fire. And my mother. I saw my family for the twins birthday.

So I mean maybe this is the end. It kinda makes sense. I'm never going to find a gf. Things will not improve. I'm sick of hearing it scream in the background as I write this. As I do everything.

I'm sick of wondering if everyone thinks I'm crazy bc I hear this POS. Why do I think Elise isn't talking to me. I mean for one I talk about her on my blog like a crazy guy but who would let a voice hearer near their children.

I'm damaged. I'm broken. And I can't even sleep like a person bc my brain is that fucked up.

I don't want to pretend this is living. It's not even like I can say my life is good but I struggle mentally. I struggle mentally and my life is a POS. I'm lucky I have a roof and a pot to piss in. As I hear this screaming that never fucking stops.

I got to make sure Kristen loses her license. And my life is intolerable anyways so why not seal the deal.

How do you stop thinking about something that never stops? And when it randomly does bc you get distracted by a game or TV bc no one talks to me. Being social turns it off too bad I have no prospects. But when you randomly get distracted, and then you think about how nice it is that for once things seem like they were before and BAM "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, IVE GOT A BIRTHDAY PRESENT. DEADNAME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. THIS IS SPECIAL."

Bam it's fucking back. I want to be dead. I truly want to be dead. My mangled brain chemistry will not recover.

But when it comes down to it, I'm not going to have kids. I'm not going to get married. Even if I find someone they won't stay. Imma be 50 alone. Having had a string of serious relationships that never lead to marriage. What's the fucking point? I'm going to spend more time alone than with people bc no one is going to stay.

[hockeyisforthegays]

okay to make a long story REAL short steve dangle is like a hardcore leafs megafan who, since he was a young guy, has made a name for himself on youtube by posting the most unhinged reaction/recap videos to every leafs game. but the thing is. he was also studying/pursuing a career in sports broadcasting that whole time. so one day its like you just turn on the game and HEY the yelly screamy man from the internet is on national TV and he's making some damn good points

this is todo. this is todo 100%

i guess if todo's a superfan of the team then takada-chan is a player now. shes his favourite obviously

the taka-tan beam is her signature goal celebration

how does she do that with hockey gloves on? WHO IS TO SAY

actually takada-chan is the captain now. ive decided

also this actually clarifies yuuji's story to me also. yuuji is a forward and when he starts with the team he's kind of struggling and todo is the only commentator who insists he has a LOT of potential. but also todo insists that yuuji should be played as takada-chan's d-partner. like bro he doesn't play that position

until one day he DOES make the switch to playing defense and suddenly he's THRIVING and everyone is like?? todo fucking aoi??? of all people???? called this?????

HOCKEY AU TODO AS STEVE DANGLE. WAIT,

[goddess-evelle]

You beat the game while (II)

your boyfriends eat you out.

Warnings: Face riding, fingering, edging, cumming untouched. That’s it!

Individual Dream team x reader

In this video

In this video (I)

In this video (II)

In this video (III)

In this video (IV)

In this video (V)

In this video (VI)

You beat the game while (I)

A/N: Heloo, Pretty short, but I hope you like it! Enjoy!

You weren’t sure why you accepted the bet with your boyfriend. You could only remember how you were making fun of him for not being able to complete a simple Minecraft challenge. Yet here you are with dumb look on your face while your boyfriend lays in bed waiting for you. When you made a bet that you could win the game with any challenge you didn’t even think that your boyfriend would think of something like this, but here you are loading the game while your boyfriend awaits eagerly for you to sit on his face. The challenge was simple or so he said it would be. You just had to beat the game while riding his face; that sounded easy right? Except for the fact that your boyfriend knew how much you enjoyed riding his face. You couldn’t give up now. You made the bet and you intended on at least giving it a try. I mean who doesn’t love to ride their boyfriend’s face.

George

He was beyond offended when you told him that he sucked at the game. His eyebrows furrowed together as he watched you tease him with Dream and Sapnap. You were teasing him about how much of an easy challenge he had and how he was unable to beat the game. George would normally shake off any teasing; he didn’t really care or got mad at dumb stuff, but a malicious thought ran through his head, and he couldn’t let it go.

That is why you hovered over his head. Knees pressing on the side of the bed while your thighs rubbed his cheeks slightly. He looked gorgeous underneath you. His eyes glossy with lust as he waited patiently for you to lower yourself. George’s character appeared on the new Minecraft world, and you lowered yourself on George’s face. You looked down at him before lowering your body softly. His eyes looked expectantly at you as his mouth hung open waiting for you to stuff his mouth full of pussy.

He didn’t even think twice before giving a long lick at your entire pussy. He loved to get a first full taste before he went fully in. Your hips shifted on top of him as you tried to break a log of wood. George gave small teasing licks to your clit; he wanted to give you false hopes as if you even stood a chance in winning the game. He started sucking on your clit; your pearl fully in his mouth as he moved his tongue making you even more sensitive. He was sweet with his movements letting you enjoy the pleasure slowly. You were able to get full iron before George started getting serious. His tongue moving to your entrance you fuck your little hole as he watched you go crazy in pleasure on top of him. His nose rubbed against your clit in a perfect way. He hadn’t even realized it until he saw you grind down on it. He smirked under you while moving his face side to side to give you clit the much-needed attention. His tongue working wonders inside of you as your orgasm approached without a warning. The intense feeling rushing over you. Hips going crazy as you grinded your wet pussy all over George’s face. He let you ride your high then he pushed you to the bed ripping the rest of your clothes. He was going to teach you why you shouldn’t tease him for his playing skills.

Dream

He was a cocky little bitch. He always had high hopes for his challenges, but with this one in specific he had been talking so much shit. Saying that it would be “too easy” for him. Even risking it to playing the game in hardcore. So, to say the least it was extremely satisfying seen the red screen on front of the overconfident man. You sat on the bed when you saw he died instantly laughing so hard that you mimicked his popular wheeze. The man was not happy with this. He started saying “Oh, you wouldn’t be able to do it either” his bulshit excuses sounded through the room as you kept laughing at him. His ego was hurt to say the least. However, everything changed when he challenged you to beat the game. Your laugh stopping immediately as you told him that you weren’t a “pro player” like him. Mans was bitter, so you accepted the challenge. That was fucking stupid; you didn’t realize that he never told you what challenge you had to complete. You assumed it was the same one he had failed, but oh how wrong you were. That is why you are sitting on Dream’s face while you try your best to win the game.

The green-eyed man didn’t even give you a chance. The second the map started loading he was hooking his arms around your thighs and pulling you down to sit on his mouth. Your head falling back the second you felt his tongue playing with your clit. He didn’t even give you a second to understand what was happening before he was eating your pussy like a starved man. His tongue was everywhere. Your hands gripped the makeshift desk in front of you as you grinded your hips down onto his face. His tongue becoming meaner by the second as he pushed it past your entrance. He was not going to let you win. You tried to get wood in the game, but Dream’s tongue gave you more pleasure by the second. He moved a hand from your thigh to push two fingers into you. The sudden stretch making you grind down on him. The man underneath you just kept fucking you with his fingers. He was going feral as he pushed against your g-spot while simultaneously sucking your clit. You were done for; hips moving without rhythm as you chanced your orgasm, but before you could get there Dream stopped all movement.

“You are not going to cum until you finish the game, so get to work” He said with a smirk on his face. You whined at his words, but moved his character to made wooden tools. This was the worst challenge ever.

Sapnap

You were both just fucking around in a Minecraft world while he talked about a certain challenge that he wasn’t able to complete. You quickly jumping into teasing him about ‘not knowing how to play the game’. The man was not happy with your statement. He quickly defended himself saying that it was Dream’s fault because he kept taking damage. You on the other side just told him to stop making excuses as a joke, but Sapnap was not feeling in the mood of joking. His ego being hurt in the process as he dared you to complete a Minecraft challenge saying that “you couldn’t even beat a single challenge by yourself” of course you wanted to prove to him that you were better at Minecraft, so here you were with Sapnap’s head in between your legs as he lapped at the arousal that coated your thighs.

He was fair with his ministrations. He waited for you to find a cave before he started to fully eat you out. However, as soon as he started; he showed no mercy as he sucked and lapped at your pussy. He gave a harsh suck to your clit making you jump at the rough treatment, but he knew how much you loved it when he did that. His lips wrapped around your bundle of nerves as he grazed his teeth into your clit. He knew how much you loved to mix pleasure and pain. Your head rolling back and moans leaving your mouth. You didn’t even care about the stupid game anymore. Your hips rocked against Sapnap’s mouth as you rode the pleasure as much as you could. Your mind going hazy as he pushed two fingers into you while bending them to hit that special spot inside of you. Your mind only being able to think about pleasure as you felt your stomach tighten. Sapnap sucked harder as he moved his fingers faster into you, but before you could come; he stopped sucking your clit and moved his face down. His nose now rubbing your clit while he worked both fingers and his into you. That was it for you; your eyes rolling back as you came on Sapnap’s face. You pulled away from him once you rode your high to find his eyes glossed over. Tears finally falling down his face making you concerned. You looked around to find if you had hurt him, but instead you found a wet spot on his pants. Sapnap loved to eat you out a little too much.

Taglist:

@dreamerwasfound

@darkdaria1

@victory-is-here

@mamacitabitches

@it-was-never-meant-to-be-boys

@omegaalol

@queennightsetz

@lovelybonesetc

@ayarukiie

@simply-chillin-here

@valmtyn

@queennightsetz

@omegaalol

@starjane312

@alilcloudy

@itsroomilk

@chaoticotaku

@flirtyhyuck

@dreamslittlebitch

[lionheart-giddings]

I'm sorry, but ever since you revealed that you're replaying corpse party for the season, I have got to send you an ask about it cause I've ever met anyone else irl who has actually played the game too fgdjdkdhdjd

Which version are you playing? The 2016 steam release with all the og rpg maker art and the bonus episodes? The 2010 psp release with the updated art but issue of not being able to 100% the name tags because of the 'what moron goes in to investigate the women's washroom when a demonic school dimension is currently is the process of collapsing?!' bug? The 3ds version with the updated art AND bonus episodes AND lack of name tag bug?

Have you ever watched the ova anime series as bloody and graphic as it is? What about the manga? Have you read that? Who's your fav character? Least fav? Favourite chapter? Fav song? Did you ever play the other games in the series or only the first (and the best let's be real)?

(I'm sorry for all the questions btw. I was hyper obsessed with this series like 8 years ago and it still clearly holds a special place in my heart fhdjdkdjdhd so as an apology here's a pic of two very gay girls that live on my shelf)

AHHHHH IM SO HAPPY YOU ASKED ABT THIS

its so nice that someone else i know has played it!!!

as for which one I'm playing, it's the 2021 rerelease!

i never actually got to play the og game growing up because i never had a pc

so i was stuck watching playthroughs for the longest time </3

i honestly cannot remember which version it was that i grew up watching. it was in the early 2010s, so it was probably the psp version! and those glitches aajhdhrjsjsjaj. it sounds so frustrating!! i had no idea they were bugged like that

corpse party has a special place in my heart because i started off roleplaying it by rping in the comment section of youtube vids as ayumi 😭

as for the anime series i did end up watching it! definitely younger than i should have been doing so but i liked it!! except i was really bummed about how it had the bad end if i remember correctly?? i was(still am) a hardcore ayushiki shipper and was so sad they did yoshiki like that </3

and i have actually read the manga! or at least part of it. i just have the first volume but really wanna get the rest. i just got so caught up in dorohedoro that i ended up splurging on all the books for that instead.

ayumi hands down is my fave. i know shes a motherfucker and fucked everything up, but thats honestly why i like her. i also just love that shes a horror aficionado but is by far the biggest pussy out of everyone. her duality <3

as for least fave itd have to be morishige. he's just such a fucking creep and the studious anime boy act is annoying af.

ill have to get back to you on fave chapter because my memory is really rusty and ive only made it back up to chap 4!

same goes for song. im also just the kinda person who doesnt really recognize soundtracks that well 😭

i do remember watching a lot of visual novel gameplay and book of shadows, but i do not remember anything about them because it was so fucking long ago!

AND PLEASE DONT FEELSORRY FOR BEING EXCITED ABOUT THIS IM GENUINELY HAPPY TO HAVE FOUND SOMEONE THIS EXCITED ABOUT IT!!

AND YOU SEIKO AND NAOMI FIGS ARE ADORABLE they should have been end game,,

[fansnails]

that gamer post. Inspires me to continue playing animal crossing and calling myself a hardcore l33t gamer

Gonna rant for a second because male gamers love to disrespect animal crossing even tho it has just as much if not more creative potential than minecraft. People tried to get all excited about pokemon snap cause its a more boy accepted game. The photos from animal crossing are so mindblowingly good and people are so incredibly creative. I tried going thru the twitter to find a good pokemon snap photo but animal crossing photos blow them out of the water, even ones ive taken and i suck at it.(I'm just a catalog collector)

Also people love to do like...hardcare min/maxing on it or w/e its called and people just wanna act like its not a real game.

I tried to join a animal crossing discord server but there was these two creepy AGPs in there it was awful. They just ruin the vibe of the game and keep posting nasty ac porny memes. After more men started to dominate the fandom or maybe just join it cause its fucking good stuff like isabelle(because male gamers wanna fuck her)got added to smash(i love isabelle but come on...)and all the ac memes have boy villager as the front i just ahjkgdshsdjkhgsfd its only a girls game when they wanna mock us or say its not a real game but go to any animal crossing space and it caters to the male fans!!!!!!!!!! the amount of times i saw guys complaining on the animal crossing pocket camp reddit cause they dont get catered to as much with the clothing. Welcome to our world!! How you guys gonna disrepect ac as some "dumb girl game" and then try and push us out of that space too?? never seen a male ac gamer that hasnt pissed me tf off

[wellhalesbells]

✨✨ TOP FIVES FOR 2020 ✨✨

2020 was, i think we can all agree, a massively chaotic year but i have never consumed as much media before in my life, so i thought others might benefit from my slothery uh, connoisseur.... ship?  yes, that.  below are the books, comics, shows, and movies that got me through!

B O O K S .

the starless sea, by erin morgenstern - i loooove this book because it loves me back.  it says: ‘oh, you’re a reader, well i have just the thing for you.’  it luxuriates in language and story and riddles and fairy tales and it feels like an entire library in a single tome.

they never learn, by layne fargo - oh fuuuuuck, this was satisfying.  i thought it might feel a little exploitative as it is very aware of the zeitgeist and likely would not exist without the #metoo movement but it never ever did.  this was a fucking ROMP, period.  reading about a woman getting away with murdering skeezy guy after rapey guy after shitty human just made me happier and happier.

moonflower murders, by anthony horowitz - this is the second in the susan ryeland series (and the first was hardcore good fun too) and really feels very classic mystery with the artful twist of catering to the literary community.  mainly because: susan isn’t a detective, she’s an editor and she gets drafted in this time because the clue to what happened to a missing woman is in a book she edited, if she can find it.  both of the books in this series have such an excellent coming together moment that is rare af to find.

the invisible life of addie larue, by v.e. schwab - the writing in this is just so good.  it has that feel to me where i just want to drop the book and open up my own page and let my fingers fly.  it’s that inspiring kind of writing that reminds you of all the things language can do.

crown of feathers/heart of flames, by nicki pau preto - aaahhh, this series is SO FREAKING GOOD!  why is there not more of a fandom for it, why???? it is so many of my favorite tropes all resting perfectly together to the point where you almost forget they’re tropes because they just so naturally evolved there.  ugh, it’s just.... it’s so heart-bursty good.

.... number 5, part 2?  raybearer, by jordan ifueko - this was just so original and i was invested af.  like, what a brilliant idea though and an even better execution??  i loved every character and am so looking forward to the next in the series so i can get to know them even better!!

honorable mentions (sh*t i still liked a whole heckuva lot): you/hidden bodies, by caroline kepnes // writers & lovers, by lily king // i’ll be gone in the dark, by michelle mcnamara // the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, by joseph fink & jeffrey cranor // girl, serpent, thorn, by melissa bashardoust // a little life, by hanya yanagihara // the guinevere deception, by kiersten white // obsidio (and the entire illuminae series), by amie kaufman & jay kristoff // the bone houses, by emily lloyd-jones // house of salt and sorrows, by erin a. craig // we hunt the flame, by hafsah faizal // savage legion, by matt wallace // blacktop wasteland, by s.a. cosby // crier’s war, by nina varela // the empress of salt and fortune/when the tiger came down the mountain, by nghi vo // upright women wanted, by sarah gailey // the monster of elendhaven, by jennifer giesbrecht // a deadly education, by naomi novik // you let me in, by camilla bruce // when you ask me where i’m going, by jasmin kaur // the lights go out in lychford/last stand in lychford (and the entire lychford series), by paul cornell // the devil and the dark water, by stuart turton // serpent & dove, by shelby mahurin // one by one, by ruth ware // ruthless gods (this was SUCH an upshot from the first book - it’s worth sticking with if you’re on the fence), by emily a. duncan // cemetery boys, by aiden thomas // the inheritance games, by jennifer lynn barnes // the fortunate ones (2021 release), by ed tarkington

C O M I C S .

cosmoknights, by hannah templer - the art was gorgeous, the gayness was glorious, and just.... hot HOOOOOOOOT lady knights in space?!  a princess winning her own hand?  find something not to love in there, i dare you.

don’t go without me, by rosemary valero-o’connell - wow. wow wow wow wow wow.  the writing was stunning, so lyrical and atmospheric and deep, and rosemary has to be one of my favorite artists but even that managed to come as a beautiful surprise because it was just so freaking bold.

through the woods, by emily carroll - i loooove emily carroll, the convergence of spine-tingling horror and art that feeds into it, that is both visually and aesthetically pleasing, is hard to beat!  p.s. i also read beneath the dead oak tree from her this year and it was also a BANGER.

the impending blindness of billie scott, by zoe thorogood - zoe is someone that i just want to follow.  she’s just starting and i want to be there for every single step.  i love her art style and her ability to tell a story with it.

above the clouds, by melissa pagluica - this was so unique, and such a baller concept, as nearly half the entire book is conveyed only through the art and yet you’re never once lost, never once confused as to what any character is thinking or feeling.  it’s a story within a story and only one of those gets words though they both are chock full of emotion!

um.... number 5, part 2? crowded, by christopher sebela - everything about this series is fun af.  crowd-funded assassination and a hirable bodyguard who’s rated like an uber driver???  and the chemistry between the two mains is so great and gay!!

honorable mentions: monster and the beast, by renji // long exposure, by kam ‘mars’ heyward // fence, by c.s. pacat // invisible kingdom, by g. willow wilson // ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson // heathen, by natasha alterici // not drunk enough, by tess stone // giant days, by john allison // die, by kieron gillen // be prepared, by vera brosgol // ascender (sequel to descender, which is also great), by jeff lemire // the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north // bang! bang! boom!, by melanie schoen // gideon falls, by jeff lemire // life of melody, by mari costa // cry wolf girl, by ariel slamet ries // the tea dragon society, by katie o’neill // ptsd, by guillaume singelin // heartstopper, by alice oseman // solutions and other problems, by allie brosh // finding home, by hari conner // the magic fish, by trung le nguyen // something is killing the children, by james tynion iv // the weight of them, by noelle stevenson // spill zone, by scott westerfeld // skyward, by joe henderson // miles morales, by saladin ahmed

F I L M S.

parasite, dir. bong joon ho - oh it was satisfying, oh it was suspenseful, oh i had to watch some of it through my fingers but i loooooooved it.  such a good story and so well made.

knives out, dir. rian johnson - okay, everything about this movie was amazing.  every single character was fun as hell and i could’ve watched an entire movie about each of them.  what a great fucking mystery!

blindspotting, dir. carlos lopez estrada -  this made my heart hurt so damn much.  what glorious writing, acting, and story!

portrait of a lady on fire, dir. celine sciamma - gooooorgeous cinematography, amazing chemistry, and such a soft, atmospheric film.

the farewell, dir. lulu wang - i cried and my heart felt so full and i love it so so much.

um.... number 5, part 2? someone great, dir. jennifer kaytin robinson - no part of me expected to love a netflix movie this much but it’s a love story that doesn’t get told that often??  the end of a relationship and the true love of friendship and i love these girls and i love jenny and nate’s broken relationship.

honorable mentions: eighth grade, dir. bo burnham // booksmart, dir. olivia wilde // midsommar, dir. ari aster // the curse of la llorona, dir. michael chaves // the secret life of pets 2, dirs. chris renaud & jonathan del val // jojo rabbit, dir. taika waititi // the invisible man, dir. leigh whannell // the favourite, dir. yorgos lanthimos // can you ever forgive me?, dir. marielle heller // troop zero, dirs. bert & bertie // ready or not, dirs. matt bettinelli-olpin & tyler gillett // brave, dirs. mark andrews & brenda chapman & steve purcell // the half of it, dir. alice wu // palm springs, dir. max barbakow // doctor sleep, dir. mike flanaghan // uncut gems, dirs. benny sadfie & josh sadfie // birds of prey, dir. cathy van // bloodshot, dir. dave wilson // the old guard, dir. gina prince-bythewood // enola holmes, dir. harry bradbeer // hocus pocus, dir. kenny ortega // always be my maybe, dir. nahnatchka khan // finding dory, dirs. andrew stanton & angus maclane // die hard, dir. john mctiernan

S H O W S .

black sails (2014) - this show, this shooooooooow.  i cannot, it just makes me want to cry with how good it is.  the characters, the EMOTIONS, the story, the plaaaaaan.  like, the creators clearly had a plan for every single step of this show and it was a gOOD, GOOD PLAN.

the untamed (2019) - truly, cheesy good fun with one of the best gay romances ever.  i love these characters and their relationships to each other and the way it glories in its own ridiculousness.

the righteous gemstones (2019) - one of the things that bothered me about my next choice (the ratio of female to male nudity) was so much more realistic in this one (i mean, we’ve all gotten five thousand dick pics and i know like three people?  so the fact that there is so rarely male nudity in shows when there are tits everywhere..... no, how does that even make a tiny bit of sense?).  this show was such great, wonderful, awful fun.  they’re not great people and the show is under no delusion about that and it’s GLORIOUS!

the witcher (2019) - this was just hella fun, i loved the characters and the fantasy elements.  i’m excited for the next season, it’s just entertaining swashbuckling through and through!

fargo (2014) - all of this was really very enjoyable with the through line being somebody fucks shit up and gets involved in something they really shouldn’t be involved in that’s going to swallow them whole.  season one and season three were my stand-out favorites but they were all so violent, clever, and vicious!

um.... number 5, part 2? central park (2020) - um..... so many of the hamilton actors in a muscial cartoon drawn and written by the bob’s burgers team? WHAT ABOUT THAT DOESN’T SOUND AMAZING?!  it was such a joy to hear daveed diggs and leslie odom jr.’s voices again!!

honorable mentions: schitt’s creek // the mandalorian // mr. robot // broadchurch // mindhunter // jack ryan // the good place // the end of the f***ing world // big little lies // elite // kidding // servant // letterkenny // curb your enthusiasm // i am not okay with this // ozark // buzzfeed unsolved: true crime/supernatural // you // runaways // dear white people // dickinson // brooklyn nine-nine // will & grace // 9-1-1 // dead to me // solar opposites // never have i ever // killing eve // what we do in the shadows // grace and frankie // avenue 5 // roswell, new mexico // the bold type // evil // tuca & bertie // impulse // the umbrella academy // watchmen // infinity train // corporate // search party // on becoming a god in central florida // a.p. bio // criminal: uk // the morning show // mythic quest // last week tonight // prodigal son // the great

[boy-above]

au where the whole v3 cast shares a minecraft server 💀

ive talked about this with friends before! let’s see what i can remember.

kaede is the server admin and attempts to keep the peace but it’s difficult when kokichi exists. she and him and have been at a standoff since the server was created because he won’t follow any of the rules, obviously.

miu, kaede, and keebo all live pretty close together, they all like making red stone contraptions. kaede likes making songs with the note blocks, while miu and keebo make the most ridiculously complex shit ever. mostly miu, but keebo likes to feel included.

kokichi was a complete monster the first few days but once he got it out of the system (and got timed out multiple times by kaede) he settled on being a general nuisance. he likes to steal crops, steal from unguarded chests, leave those damn floating trees around. he also hoards diamonds which are the currency of their server.

shuichi tried to be super secretive about where his house was but kokichi still found it and still forcibly moved in with him. shuichi points out that he wanted to play minecraft to relax and kokichi’s presence is the opposite of that though.

angie is real good at building, she can build super pretty stuff. kokichi commissioned her with his asshole full of diamonds to make a huge base for him and shuichi.

himiko likes making potions obviously but she’s also too tired to make good tools or armor for herself so you’ll see her waddling through the nether super under prepared while tenko circles her wearing enchanted diamond armor daring for any enemies to come closer.

gonta has never played minecraft before and doesn’t really know how to play, so he needs supervised sometimes. he can’t remember any recipes and gets lost really easily. sometimes he ends up lost unbelievably far away from spawn and doesn’t know where he is or how he got there. he finds rare biomes this way though so the others aren’t complaining. he tames every wolf he sees so you just see him coming over the horizon with an army of puppies.

kaito is too overdramatically afraid of the monsters and has a reputation for accidentally leading creepers onto ppls property and blowing up parts of their bases. he’s not allowed on voice chat if it’s night ingame because zombies make him scream. the first time he saw a ghast he shit his pants.

maki had also never played before and only joined for kaito but she doesn’t really play on the server very much. she discovered she really likes ultra hardcore tournaments so she does that instead.

rantaros very chill, he just pops in and picks a random person to hang out with for a while. he has a lot of riches on the server for doing a whole lot of nothing, he has an afk fish farm so he has tons of enchanted books and items that he sells for diamonds.

kirumi will help you do boring stuff like leveling out land for a build or collecting clay or some shit, but for a price. shes become the richest person on the server, to the others surprise. she’s got a fucking ginormous base that she had angie make for her and it’s the stuff of mythos on the server because only kokichi has claimed to see it and they don’t know if they believe him or not.

speaking of myths and legends, is korekiyo actually there? does he exist? they see his online icon, but he never speaks. they’ve never seen him in the game. legend has it that he’s out in the Mesa somewhere. what is he doing? seeing his online icon makes you kind of uncomfortable. it’s like feeling like there’s a ghost in the room.

ryoma just likes to farm, man. he has a community farm and he likes growing all the crops in the game and dyeing all the sheep all the colors. he’s also the one that’s usually supervising gonta. he also has so many fucking cats. your game starts lagging out because of the combined strength of ryoma’s army of cats and gonta’s army of dogs.

tsumugi got banned from the server and being an egirl with a stream of dedicated simps watching her, she told them what an injustance it was and that she’s gonna make her OWN server, with blackjack and hookers!

[nopethatsnotembarrassing]

Here's just the all text version of everything I found interesting from the PH:SH listening party earlier today.

The typing promt for chat was "Speak your mind"

Parasite Eve

The Sneeze in Parasite Eve is actually Jordan

The lyric was initially - 'if we survive the infection' and was switched to 'when we forget the infection' as the pandemic all started to get very real

The music video was shot without the band ever being together, it was Oli + one other on rotation social distancing in the midst of lockdown.

The opening Bulgarian folk choir sample is from an old TV recording of a performance on YouTube

(Jordan gave us the link in chat a bit later, you'll have to copy and paste it cause if i make it a link this is un searchable but here it is www.youtube.com/watch?v=vonvFS-PfJQ )

The "Please remain calm" robot voice is Oli's wife Alissa

Teardrops

Oli had to spend about four hours underwater for the video shoot

There's an actual elephant sampled in this track

We had wanted to get a rain machine for the video but it ended up raining that night so it's real

Oli also mentioned that this was his favorite from the album

Obey

The robots in the video weren't actually Oli and Yungblud it was dancers

Oli: Fun fact: thats not me dancing

Oli: another fun fact: I actually dance like this if you give me enough moscow mules

Mat N: its me and Lee in the suits

Oli: another fun fact: Jordan wrote one of the lyrics in this song

Oli: a first

Itch for the Cure

This was made out of Mick Gordon's parts for Kingslayer and reworked into an interlude

Oli recorded the monologue the day before we handed in the EP

Kingslayer

Kingslayer was started back in January 2020 in Amsterdam

For the initial demo we pitched up one of our voices so we could sing the BABYMETAL parts in the melody we had in mind in their style

Oli: influences on this one range from slipknot, uk happy hardcore, anime theme tunes and the matrix

Then I missed the first anime thing he mentioned but the rest were

Oli: and i loved first season of tokyo ghoul

Oli: and one punch man :P

Oli: akira obviously is the best ever

BABYMETAL offered to do their version in English and we wanted it to be in their native language as we love Japan

The scream at the end was influenced by the sound where you go down the telephone in The Matrix (going down the rabbit hole - are you ready?)

And Oli had said something along the lines about the song going (something along the lines of) "proper ******* neo" (the chat didn't allow swearing and would censor everyone except as we came to find out later Jordan)

1x1

We had discovered Nova Twins on Spotify in lockdown

Both Oli and Jordan had confirmed at the same time that the title is said 1 by 1 and not 1 x 1 and that its even said in the song

This track was initially called 'Archenemy'

Oli: this song was some deep trip for me

Oli: too dark

Ludens

We shot the music video in Burbank in LA on a day off from tour. It almost had to be pulled as the LA fires were only a few miles away from the studio

The screech sound in the second verse a 1.19 is a little nod to Kojima as it's the stealth sound when you get discovered in Metal Gear Solid

The chat kept asking Oli if he had played or enjoyed Death Stranding and his only reply was

Oli: hideo 4 lyfe

(Jordan also said he had played the game)

Also they mentioned the version on Spotify is the Clean version and to hear the explicit version you gotta get the album

One Day The Only Butterflies Left Will Be In Your Chest As You March To Your Death

This was a super old lyric idea that Oli was keen to get into a track but it never fitted before

Oli: yo ive been trying to get the song title in a song for time

Amy encouraged Oli to keep his initial demo in for his verse

Once the album finished the first time Oli announced a second round

Oli: lets GO AGAIN

This is where shenanigans began

Jordan: last saw everyone at teardrops shoot

When asked who would be a dream collab Jordan said

Jordan: would like to collab with all the legends

Jordan: ozzy

Jordan: crazytown

Jordan: Mozart

Jordan: aha

Oli: cant wait to play this live!!!

(About Kingslayer)

People were getting upset that they couldn't swear without it being censored and were trying to find ways around it then Jordan found out he could swear

Jordan: shit

Jordan: fuck

Jordan: I can say fuck and you can't

Jordan: fuck fuck fuck fuck

Oli: jordan's always being bad

Jordan: listen its the second playthrough

Jordan: I'm runny out of things to say

Oli: haahaha

Jordan: there IS a discord

Jordan: for anyone that wants to join I'll get the link

Jordan: discord.gg/YUXhQmq9

and when people didn't see the link in the other area he called us all bozos

When everyone was losing their minds about where Oli was and asking if he was still there

Oli: Hiiiii

Then Jordan got left alone with all of us

Jordan: honestly mantra is one of my favorite songs we've ever done

Jordan: parasite eve, obey, teardrops, kingslayer, dear diary, Ludens, all have to be in set

Jordan tasked us with making a dream 20 song set list and then made one of his own (in no particular order he said)

Jordan: shadow Moses cyfmh house of wolves sleepwalking antivist doomed Happy song Follow you Drown Mantra Nihilist blues Wonderful life Medicine Dear diary Parasite eve Teardrops Obey Kingslayer Ludens

Jordan: and then I went old school

Jordan: Chelsea smile and it never ends

[macklives]

i dont technically hardcore ship kids buuuut i will say “fuck thats hecking cute” to any and all pairings and join in on the fun wholesome content. for example, if you give me fanart, give me fics, give me headcanons, then im already sold on how adorable that specific pairing will be bc theres now some quality content to explore. as long as its not toxic, disgusting or impractical.

god okay, get motherfucking ready guys.

now, i may rant a bit on the matter to further explain my point of view on shipping in this comic and how i will go around it lol. sorry for the long note. there’s a tldr at the end.

honestly, idc who gets together, bc i just want the kids to be happy and if the pairing is happy together, thats all that matters to me. i just dont like taking shipping to the extreme, yknow. (which means having nsfw stuff for kids and flipping out if one ship is canon when another really should be. similar to many other fandoms who have those problems and i just.. dont get why?) anyways, thats not to say i will freak out if a cute pairing of mine becomes canon and especially if the rep is nice. and honestly? ill probably freak out for any canon ship as long as its healthy and theyre both happy - as ive mentioned. keep in mind im still a fan lmao, i will prob participate in the recurring ship talk and discourse bc ugh it can be so fucking cute.

anyways, regarding what we have now, i honestly like all pairings atm (obviously between the kids only and not some cursed ones ive heard about which i refuse to get into). all their interactions are so unique and cute and quite adorable. davejade is wholesome. johnrose is valid. i also like jaderose, daverose and johndave. which technically is almost every possible pairing lmfao. sometimes my opinion can vary, sometimes things could happen to make my view on that specific pairing to change. and sometimes new people come into the picture which allows me to explore more potential candidates that i think would be better for that characters rather than just having a ship to progress the plot further. if that makes sense. it always depends, doesnt it? (so keep in mind you can ask me if i ever have changed my opinion on a specific ship, character, ect in the future)

and of course, there’s a big difference between who i think are going to get together and who i wouldnt mind getting together despite canonical evidence that it wont happen. which i wont get into unless yall want me to talk about in depth who likes who and how it will probably impact the relationships of the characters vs how it should be.. well, not “fixed”, but what could be another alternative if a specific relationship seems to have its downfalls. 

however, i doubt there’s going to be any “endgame” ships bc homestuck is more prone to story telling than romance. it’s a webcomic for plot and probable character growth rather than making people’s ships come true. meaning shipping is a concept that andrew will give you, and he will give you all types of interaction so you’re free to ship what you want. however, he’ll leave it open without giving us an ultimate pairing. which is where i think this comic will go. i may be wrong. but it seems the most likely situation.

so shipping is all fun and games but things happen, not everything becomes canon and even if i have theories on future relationships, i will only analyze what we were given and not necessarily based on non-canonical evidence. so as much as i like crackships (and boy do i have fun in crackships, lets be real), because this is a liveblog, i wont be able to get into depth with false claims on a ship if there’s literally nothing to go on. however, pls expect joke ships to happen. if i say cake #42 wants to be with john’s fake arms, so be it. that was a fun time on the discord, man. i love joking around but then again, they are just jokes. im not actually shipping them. its similar to how i view dave and AT. they got married duh. yet thats a joke. something i will bring up again, but that never means im serious about it. (besides imp soap opera. thats becoming massively real now, isnt it. a liveblog inside joke that got way out of hand and is now canon.)

anyways, romance is a nice bonus treat for everyone as they read a webcomic which is not centered around it. and of course ill analyse the possibilities of what we could get and how characters will go through it based on their personalities and past experiences, but i dont think itll become a main part of homestuck as of now. perhaps something.. could happen in the future? and ill keep my hopes of some pairings getting together. but, overall, i will be happy with whatever we get and i refuse to bitch about how some ship is better than the other and be mad at homestuck in its entirety. because andy here is not trying to portray a romcom, he’s making an actual story.

wow, i kind of went off a little on what you were trying to ask in the first place, but i feel this was a nice place to get that out there and explain how ill perceive shipping in homestuck. all so i wont have to explain this for the future when characters potentially start getting together. which is to say, ill enjoy shipping characters on my hs experience, hell, ill even participate in it, but they are 13 and i have my limits.

cool. i feel like i just wrote a philosophy book.

tldr; shipping is a nice gateway in a fandom, i like pretty much anything as long as its not toxic and theyre happy together. expect character/relationship analyses in the future. 

[shirts181]

Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be?  Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

[angelicguy]

I exist in 3primary stages of behavior. calm and silly  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CdZh4J9NTg   serius and ready for action   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQSp4ph4lnU    and the 3rd Is what happens when u break my mental passifisam barrior down. The true darker aspect of my aggression comes out to play and i stop yelling and start bashing ur head into a wall.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNaGv5a_5U4   See ima  bit psycotic and knew it would be a problum urly on as a kid. so i built a mental barrior of passifisom to keep it in check. This is how i am when u shatter that barrior. alot of the time when harassed online. I say ill kill u u mf and shit like that. but the passifisom is still actualy up im just flinging words. its hard to break. In other words u have to literaly be in my face trying to break the barrior of my passifisom vault where my actual psycotic agression is locked inside of onperpus (in person not online). Ofcorse that would be foolish cuzz a that point id get ready murder u.  I wouldent say im always edgy. however i would say being edgy is deffinetly part of my personality even at 25. if my true intention was to seem edgy i wouldent inlcuded the part about how im normly a silly idiet lol. No its just truely part of me as a person i dont take shit and i fire back. This can give u a fair idea of my behavior insted of haveing to read sevrul peragraphs. The point of the progression of agression from silly to serius and ready for action to streatup homicidal. is a supposed to give u a idea of how verstile i am as a person. i can be friendly and laphing with friends and famly haveing all around good time.  if im playing a game and am feeling hardcore or somone is bugging me and i dont like it. it progresses to the second one. if ur literaly in my face in person trying to push me and ur doing a good job and u break my passifisom wall. It gose to the third one and i start to try to kill u. thing is with the third one its not just rage its enjoyment and i woudlent feel a ounce of pity for the individual. I honistly like how it feels when ur truely mad at somone and ur telling them off. I enjoy it. And when it gose to far and wall buckles i lose my self in it. Message to anyone who cant be mature about my personality discription:   I got one thing to say sputnik and anyone els who cant handle me being the person i am. Im not being  edgy to be cool Im edgy by nature mf. People who suffer from Bipolar type 2 Are also suffering from two things minor dipression and partle psycosis. I love violence blood gore and all that shit. if u cant handle it only thing i can tell u is. "I am who i am And ill never be like u so grow  up and lurn to accept people are diffrent or fuck off." Ive ben a reble all my life defying the rules in school not listioning to my parents doing things i shouldent. The reble in me is never far behind even today. So sputnik...Im defying u by makeing my profile public and comments too. u want to make fun of me on youtube cuzz im diffrent? Ha! thats rich cuzz ill just defy u  the hole way. How will i deffy u sputnik? Ill fucking ignor ur pathetic ass till u go away. becose ur chiled u dont like me cuzz im diffrent. Grow up kid ur probly adult by now act like one. This is the only reaciton ull get: I have more friends then u do subscribers. So its prity dam sad ur picking on me. the reasion i can say this to u is cuzz i actualy try to stay in touch with most of them. and be there if they need me. most people just leave their friendslist go. I have people i talk to most. but i try to at some point make time for everyone. meening most of my freinds actualy have some sort of friendship with me. so u can make fun of me all u want cuzz ill have the charisma u never will. i charish my friends just as much as my real famly. Some ofem id even take a bullet for. i dout u can say that about over 200people who arnt famly. and this is why i have so many friends. cuzz they mater to me and they know it. u could make fun of me saying they arnt who they say they are.....ud be right about a few if they did not open up to me like they did. They opend up on who they were dispite not usely doing so cuzz i proved to them i was trying to hold up to the definition of freind and be there when they needed me. Ud be supprised what being a true friend to some one can reveal to u. I have lurned this. So yeah my reaction was droping some words of wisdom on ur ass. one thing alot of people who got to know me realise is im a realy good person just dont give me  a reasion not to be. Honor and loyalty is what makes me the man u never will be sputnik.