#ive neglected them all for too long i gotta like. draw them. and post it. thats my goal this year i guess. just fuckinDraw!

[gaiteirocarente]

Fav elder: Purdy obv

Fav background character: Mousefang (she appears on firestars quest) dont know why, she just seems cool to me. Maybe some day i might post my drawings of her.

Fav comic page: ig the one in The Rise of Scourge, page 69, where kills one shadowclan cat and he bleeds from his throat. Was not expecting that at all!

First contact to wc: Into the wild at the school library, was 12-14 yo ig not sure tho

Scene that made irrationally angry: ig it was on the begging of a dangerous path. Where Fire just gives up on telling shadowclan and the rest of the clan in the gathering, what tiger has done till then. It was so anticlimactic too.

Times ive cried: none./j

*unrolls scroll* ahem.

First it was when Fire brought cloudkit to thunderclan and the clan cats are shit about it. I was sensive at the moment i read that alright!

second, the ending of rising storm. They did not have the right--

Third time it was the begging of crookedstars promise, my dude. What the- bros got neglected by one of his parents after smth happened to him? Same. Hit like a truck at the moment. Best book ive read.

And prob on bluestars prophecy when ykw. Car scene, and mosskit. Ive tho i was expecting smth bad was gonna happen, it was still pretty good.

ships i dont vibe with for no reason: (at the new prophecy) no hate on specifically, i just didnt see any chemistry on leafcrow. Like. Why. (I am an avid mothpool shipper so yk, ive good taste/hj) it just felt like "im gotta throw leaf with another clan cat cuz plot reasons" (at least, until where ive read)

first map i watched: I'm Not Ready

First pmv: Two Birds - Smudge and rust or Time of Your Life [Fireheart & Whitestorm]

First amv: In The End by NekoVocalNote

first warrior OC: when i was 16-17 yo idw

how many paragraphs could you write about your favorite warrior cat before you ran out of things to say: 8-12

have you ever lost friends over warriors related topics: nope

what's the most 2010s wcforum era esque fandom opinion you still hold onto and will fight people over: Bluestar having long fur and Mothwing being a ginger colorpoint

are you still up to date / reading the new books? if not, when did you stop: still reading! Im starting the fourth arc now, there is no translated version besides the first arc in my country, so i got to learn english to be able to read the rest of the series.

were you ever on warriors amino? (if you were, i'm terribly sorry): no, but i was on a furry one. So not that far off

about how much do your family know about warrior cats, if anything: they dont like cats, so they just "um dont read one about dogs?" but generally they don't care.

give me a song you're surprised you haven't seen turned into a warriors pmv yet - and what character(s) you imagine it to: Snuff by Slipknot, with Bluestar and myb if im the one doing it, id slip some blueyellow in it as well. It would pass mid dangerous path and with flash backs to bluestars prophecy and rising storm. Actually, i might pick up the wips ive done about it..

fav warriors related youtuber: Northflowo

what's the weirdest crossover au involving warrior cats that you've made? (if you haven't made any, then what's the weirdest one you've seen?): dont know if it counts, its more the other series with cats instead of people. But the closest is, TWD(game) and KE. Nothing more than one or a few drawing about it tho.

if you could make any cat leader of any clan right now, who would you pick: id let as it is. The lack of trust and communication between them is what keeps a story going right,,

would you hypothetically go to starclan or the dark forest: starclan

what's the biggest series plothole that's bugged you: rose-tail on the first book just, not mentioned on the alliances and appear one time on the middle of the book to be never mentioned or seen again.

how many people have you blocked over innocuous, not at all important warriors related takes: none

what dynamic between two cats has got you up at night pacing for hours: blueyellow rn and mothpool back then

what's a cat you genuinely forgot existed until recently: rosetail on the first arc

fuck it. warriors ask game except the questions are all weird and niche as hell

👴 : fav elder?

❓️ : fav total background character (im not talking minor characters like say. whitewing or moonlight, i mean cats with like...3 lines tops)

📖 : fav comic page from any of the mangas and why

👶 : how old were you when you first touched a warriors book? howd it happen

💢 : what scene made you the most irrationally angry upon first reading

💧 : how many times have you cried over this wretched book series? any favorite memories

💋 : is there any ships out there you absolutely hate for genuinely no good reason at all. like its not problematic in the slightest, if anything it's one of the better ones, you just cannot bring yourself to enjoy it

🐾 : have you ever named a cat after a warriors character OR given a cat a warriors styled name? if so, tell us the story

1️⃣ : was warriors your first animal based fantasy series? if not, what series was?

👑 : when roleplaying (if you ever have roleplayed warrior cats), did you used to power play? be honest.

🗺 : first map you ever watched?

🖼 : first amv/pmv you ever watched?

🖌 : when did you make your first warriors oc? (if you say you've never had OCs, i dont believe you)

📝 : if commanded to, without warning, approximately how many paragraphs could you write about your favorite warrior cat before you ran out of things to say

💔 : have you ever lost friends over warriors related topics?

🌈 : what's the most 2010s wcforum era esque fandom opinion you still hold onto and will fight people over (things like scourges collar color, dovewings eye color, etc)

🆕️ : are you still up to date / reading the new books? if not, when did you stop?

📱 : were you ever on warriors amino? (if you were, i'm terribly sorry)

🏠 : about how much do your family know about warrior cats, if anything?

🎶 : give me a song you're surprised you haven't seen turned into a warriors pmv yet - and what character(s) you imagine it to

🎥 : fav warriors related youtuber?

❎️ : what's the weirdest crossover au involving warrior cats that you've made? (if you haven't made any, then what's the weirdest one you've seen?)

🗳 : if you could make any cat leader of any clan right now, who would you pick?

🌟 : would you hypothetically go to starclan or the dark forest?

🤔 : what's the biggest series plothole that's bugged you?

😱 : how many people have you blocked over innocuous, not at all important warriors related takes?

☯️ : what dynamic between two cats has got you up at night pacing for hours? (romantic, platonic, familial, etc)

🌫 : what's a cat you genuinely forgot existed until recently?

[luxrelio]

I’m drawing my characters this year if it Kills me! Starting with my classic most Horrible boy, Neon

[magesup]

oh hey me again LOL any tips on growing your tumblr blog? thanks ^^

uhaahh thats kinda tough one but i will try my best to bestow my knowledge

try to post consistently (like once a week is good???) we live on social media where a meme has the shelf life of a week at best, so i feel like people just....forget you exist unless you post consistently ;__; but please put your own self first and your posting schedule second TOT

consider peak post times!! ok.....i actually am not sure what the peak post times are for tumblr ;__; i always thought it was 7 pm but i read recently that it was actually 10 am-12 pm and sometimes 1-3 pm??? (all EST time) idk ive always posted at 6:30 pm my time and its worked for me. everybody has a different audience so try posting at different times and test which time works best for you???

check if your posts show up in the tag TOT!!! this happens to me too many times......your posts just...dont show up in the tag for whatever reason (tumblr is not kind) OTL i dont know why this happens nor do i know the solution, but whenever you post search up the tags you used to see if your post showed up. if its nowhere to be seen.....well just delete and try again is all i can say T__T

draw for big fandoms. lol i feel like this can go without saying but with the more potential eyes you can get more interactions on your posts

lol this ones kinda silly but draw memes/dumb comics ;;v;; people always like a good laugh and sometimes you gotta be the clown *cries* OTL

the algorithm is a cruel mistress ;__; this is something found on every social media site, it certainly does favor certain people above others OTL i see so many artists who i believe deserve so much recognition but.....tumblr just hates them apparently. this isnt actually a tip its just something like a heed of caution ;v;

alright thats all i can think of right now. i hope this is helps in some way. handling an art account is a messy process it took me a long time to get a hang of it ahaha T__T also this isnt a tip either but please remember to draw what makes you happy!!! i see a lot of people draw just to please the fandoms they are in and they neglect to draw for themselves OTL being an artist on social media can be super fun, but also taxing, reminder that its ok to take breaks ^^ youre not obligated to anything but yourself. and so, i wish you luck on your art journey :DDD

[frillshark-fr]

How do you get people to always buy your dragons? Genuine question

i was gonna say something like “haha i have no fucking clue” but that would be a lie i think about this a lot actually so i might have some insights i’ve been breeding dragons as my primary activity on FR since i started playing FR (in 2014...) and people have only started actually buying dragons from me consistently like, 5-6 months ago, despite 2-3 attempts at running a genuine hatchery onsite that always died due to lack of interest & not really being worth the effort. 

so ive thought a lot about what the hell is happening now and why my dragons are suddenly consistently selling and I think ive come down to these being the main points of advice i can give: 1. make friends! be friendly! don’t be weird! be a cool and fun person to interact with! 2. post consistently. post your dragons consistently. post about other stuff consistently. just be an active member of the community 3. POST YOUR SHIT IN THE “#FLIGHT RISING” TAG. THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY TRUELY HELPFUL THING I SAY IN THIS POST 4. make pairs that are sexy as hell and be openly proud of them. make dragons and pairs that you like, not what you think will necessarily sell. people can tell when you like stuff and being genuinely passionate about something, whatever the fuck it is, will get other people passionate as well longer versions/explanations under the cut because man this got a mile long. i wasn’t kidding when i said i think about this a lot and i am so sorry if you wanted something concise and useful

1. to be a little glib. i am mutuals/friends with more clout in the FR community than I do kjdshfdsfdhjhkfdf shoutout to everyone who draws their dragons really good on a regular basis because i am riding on your coattails to sell my dragons. i love you this was never my intent, obviously! DO NOT BEFRIEND PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU WILL GET STUFF FROM THEM IT’S JUST A REALLY BAD THING TO DO TO PEOPLE!!! i wouldn’t be friends w/ people if i didn’t genuinely like and get along with them! no amount of pixel cash is worth putting up with people you dont like or abusing people you admire!  but i’d also somehow feel wrong to just... neglect mentioning this factor. idk it’s probably a self-esteem thing sjdkgfhdsf i just Don’t feel like my #success has been totally out of my own effort because its not like im #hustling or whatever i just posted dragons and stuff happened

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2. being consistent! just. posting consistently! posting Every Hatchling I Have and Talking About Them On Tumblr!  Once I had a couple nests just sell super fast likely due to aforementioned clout, i was emboldened to just post more of my nests more often and I swear this has more effect than anything else. i just needed the self-esteem boost to Start Doing That posting consistently makes ppl follow u for ur content which gets even more people to look at your dragons which gets more people to buy your dragons.

-

2a. Also just post a lot in general, even if you aren’t necessarily posting about your dragons for sale. it definitely helps! just be friendly and active and people will come

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3. post your shit in the tag. not in “#dragon-sales” or “#fr-dragon-sales” or anything weird like that because I don’t know if anyone actually looks at those, but people definitely browse “#flight rising”. no matter how many followers you have, more people will see your content if you post it in #flight rising than if you just chuck it into the void. 

-

3a. however! do not put links into the post if you want it to actually show up in the tag. tumblr is cool in that it doesn’t actually matter that much when you post something, the same way it really matters on twitter bc twitter has algorithms that decide for you what it thinks you want to be seeing whereas tumblr just shows you everything in chronological order. if you post something into the tag at 1am... it will still be there at 2pm when people log on and start scrolling.

the only thing tumblr seems to consistently hide from a tag (and possibly a dashboard, but idk) are posts with links in them, as a half-assed attempt to limit spam. instead of linking to your sales tab/to the dragons directly in the post, reblog it with the links instead. to reduce latency between a post going up and the links being available, i type out the links in the initial post, cut them, post the thing into the tag, then very quickly reblog, paste the links, and post the reblog jdhfsdf. i don’t know if that benefits anything really? but it can sometimes take me a while to type links, so if i posted, pressed reblog, typed up all the links, then posted, it’d be like ~15 minutes where someone may see the post, think “oh i would like to buy those dragons”, then can’t find the link, think “oh well, i will just find it later”, scroll on, and just... completely forget about it. so uh. go quick?

-

3b. the armchair sociologist in me also thinks self-reblogging has the added benefit of like... you know how people are more likely to tip a barista when a dollar is already in the tip jar? or how people are more likely to take one of those little tabs on a flyer if one of them is already missing? i think that works with notes, too. i don’t know why i think that or why it happens i just swear once a post gets 1 note, suddenly it gets Even More Notes, and if it doesn’t get any notes for a while it will sit at 0 notes until the end of time. so giving yourself 1 obligatory note makes people more likely to interact. i think

-----

4. all of these are hard to quantify but this one is especially so: have cool and unique dragons. make your pairs sexy as hell. don’t put all your eggs (hah) into the one basket of selling dragons that are technically “popular”. we have all seen triple white/triple obsidian/triple orca/triple any other popular colors and cherub/pere/stained or wasp/bee/glim pthahlos or whatever. they’re pretty! we get it! but everyone has had one and everyone has had those pairs and market for dragons like that can be super oversaturated. try to break free from that and sell dragons that people can only get from you. I can’t tell you what to do though bc that rly depends on you. make pairs that you find exciting or interesting and people will feel that. i have a very specific theme and aesthetic that i don’t feel like is especially common on FR and i am genuinely very enthusiastic about it. marine shit is my Thing:tm: both on and off FR and dragons are one of my many ways of expressing that   if you have a Thing:tm:, either some fr-centric aesthetic (like being super into plague or earth or light or something) or something more general (such as any of the -punks or -cores)... just fuckin roll with it honestly. if you’re goth? make got h dragons. like scene stuff that looks straight out of a middle school in 2010? rock that hot-topic lair. outdoorsey type? make dragons that look like you’d meet them on a hike in the woods. it really works with anything!  people can tell when you really love something and i know that seeing someone really love something, even if it’s not necessarily MY thing, makes me really excited too!! 

-

4a. never show fear. people can smell fear. never be like “well this one isn’t that good” because suddenly now you’ve planted the idea that it’s ugly in other people’s heads when they may have really liked it had you not accidentally suggested to them that it’s an ugly dragon. people are EXTREMELY suggestible to even VERY minor cues so be always a little bit bolder than you think you should be you’d be surprised at how many times ive been like “eh, this one’s kind of a dud, i’ll probably have to exalt this one when the auction expires” and then that hatchling is the first to sell. never ever ever ever decide what other people like for them. always act like your dragons are the hottest shit in all the land and Believe It. this is what people mean when they say “fake it till you make it”

- 4b. also, idk if it’s true of everyone but it’s really off-putting to see someone having serious pity-parties for themselves, on sales posts or otherwise. ive had bad experiences with people who are uncomfortably quick to self-depreciate (because they were using their genuine self-hatred to manipulate me or my friends), so i might be a little more trigger-happy about avoiding this behavior than others, but don’t weaponize your sadness to guilt people into doing what you want. it’s really not cool.

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okay i think that’s my entire manifesto on how i do dragon selling. anon i am so sorry im sure you were expecting like “believe in yourself :)” and here i am dissecting dragon selling like it’s a frog in a science class

edit: AFTER ALL THAT I STILL THOUGHT OF ONE MORE THING. It’s not really a Point, just a Reminder:

i don’t post about all the times i have to exalt dragons that don’t sell. you are seeing me being very selective about what i post. you dont sit and stare at my lair or click through offspring lists or check old sales posts. there are a lot of times where someone just doesn’t sell. even now when i’m selling stuff pretty consistently i will still sometimes have dragons that don’t sell for seemingly no reason. even dragons I think are sure to sell will sometimes just... not. and that’s ok! you gotta just be.. ok with that. it’s par for the course. i typically list dragons for 7 days on the AH, give them a couple more days after their auction expires (partially because i forget, partially to give them a grace period for people to pm/ask me about them), and then exalt them after that point. w/ some dragons that i don’t think got a fair shake for one reason or another (such as the sales post not showing up in the tag or something) i do a little clearance (like the halloween dragons i recently posted) but for the most part if they don’t sell, i just exalt them. 90% of the time i don’t even bother to level them up i just press the exalt button and call it a day. it’s fine

[lia-nikiforov]

Weekly Anime Rambling Re: Creat...ive Conceit

Another week of getting everything mixed up because my viewing schedules are a disaster hahaha! is it very obvious i’m running out of puns

The season’s drawing to a close, and it looks like every show is rushing at full-gear to wrap up all their loose ends or end on a good place before the season break. Which means a lot of shows are doing shitfests and I have A LOT OF WORDS

I haven’t talked much about Fate/Apocrypha in this feature but I must shamefully admit I’m enjoying it way more than I expected. I’ll talk more about that in my final season rundown, so for the time being I’ll just say Astolfo is my waifu and if you use the T slur to refer to them I’ll gut you alive. 

One show clearly struggling to meet its planned middle-point is Altair, with the past two episodes breezing through plot points like a speedcourse on acquiring new party members for Mahmut. The production itself is also clearly suffering, finding an in-model shot of any given character woud be a challenge. I did like the latest episode because we’re finally getting to see more political nuances beyond “Evil empire wants to conquer the world”. I also really liked how they brought the Prenses into the fold by emphasizing her importance in the political moves they’ll carry out next, and that she was the one to come up with them was specially great

Giving female characters agency? What, Like it’s easy?

I’m not even gonna talk about episode 10 of Ballroom because it was so boring I hardly remember anything about it except thinking “is there ever gonna be any dancing” (the answer was no). But I am going to talk about episode 11 because god was it frustrating.

Firstly, this was the episode that featured the most and probably best dancing animation of the entire show. Unsurprisingly, even then it’s overshadowed by the abuse of stills and audience shots. Whatever little magic and good-will they manage to create with, for example, a neat shot of Tatara and Mako hopping is almost instantly voided by a full minute of still frames. Let 👏 me 👏 see 👏 the 👏 fucking 👏 dance 👏 gdi 👏

Of course it wouldn’t be Welcome to the Ballroom without at least a very fine layer of casual sexism and neglecting the female characters entirely, this time awfully noticeable in the second half where all the focus is on Tatara and Gaju having a load of fun with their dick measuring contest! Wait, what do you mean ballroom dancing is a pair sport?

If you ask this show, Ballroom dancing is a sport about men being cool while dragging around women who have no fucking idea of what the fuck is even going on. Add to that all the harping on how “it’s the lead that makes or breaks a pair” “if the leader is bad the pair will look bad” because I guess the follower doesn’t ever matter.Or how only the boys are dead tired after the event, because I gues the girls weren’t dancing at all, what a relaxing job it must be to be a female in competitive ballroom dancing, you don’t have to put in any effort at all!

Also the music choices are atrocious which is finally explained by the Production team revealing they thought the audience would not like “old” music -because I guess the audience is too stupid or smth- so instead they went for completely inappropriate pop-rock themes instead! Maybe don’t underestimate your audience if you want them to buy your produc! (source)

But okay, after god knows how many episodes, the Tenpei cup finally ends, Gaju and Shizuku win but Mako wins Queen of the Dancefloor! At least some recognition fo Mako’s dancing skills, that even in spite of Tatara’s sloppy dancing she managed to outshine Shizuku through her own talents! Wait, hold on, what’s that?

FUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUU SHOOOOOOW

Adding insult to injury, Gaju doesn’t even apologize to Mako for treating her like crap. In spite of his scummy attitude, Gaju seems to be a good sport, so I thought at least he’d “officially” ask Mako to become his partner again, but no such luck, it’s her who approaches him first. Fuck you again, show.

I also have a lot of thoughts about the garbage treatment of Shizuku, but I’ve talked about the show enough in this week, so that’s another post.

Oh yeah, Vatican is... the expected mess I guess lol. I have literally no idea of what is going on anymore but...

I want some of that cocaine too bruh (i’m kidding, don’t do cocaine my friends)

Also, Made in Abyss is great but can we please drop all the pee jokes.

I’ve technically already watched the final episode of Re:Creators, but I want to address the penultimate episod which is the actual resolution of the conflict because it’s not only a convoluted mess (and if I went into that in detail I’d write thousands of words), it’s ultimately a betrayal of the show’s opening promise.

To elaborate, Sota’s first dialogue is something along the lines of “I’m not the protagonist of this story. This story is about her”. At first I thought it meant Selesia too bad she died meaninglessly and without really doing anything for the story like 99.99% of the creations :’D, but we later learn he’s talking about Setsuna, for whose death he feels guilty yadda yadda Potato McBoring manpain.

But then the show decided to make Altair so ridiculously and unbelievably overpowered that the only way to defeat her is the very predictable “create Setsuna” and this is where the show betrays itself

Because even if the resolution is that Setsuna and Altair go off into this some other world to live as abstract creations happily ever after, the actual emotional climax of the episode is after they disappear:

This is a massive slap in the face to everything the show was trying to do and to Setsuna’s character. Basically she’s stripped of her agency and becomes a figment of Sota’s creation. Sota who abandoned her when she was going through the hardest of times, now gets to be -even if briefly- her creator, her god, and he takes the credit for being the amazing creator that save the world. He even says it out loud in a culminating moment of disgusting conceit.

The whole purpose of the story, of the show, as it turns out to be, is to satisfy Sota’s ego. Setsuna is literally fridged for the sake of Sota’s manpain. This was never a good show, but until now it just felt like a lot of poorly executed great ideas. This, though, is basically giving up on any pretention of being “different” of stepping away from “Blandy McBoring protag saves the world because no one else but him can do it, he is so special”, and it’s made even worse because of the context of Setsuna’s death and the meaning of being a creator. Ugh, I’m coming short of words so I’ll just leave it at this was already a mediocre show and somehow they managed to go all the way and make it terrible.

And now another show that is sadly crapping the bed for its last hurrah, and one I’m very sad to be dissing like this. Yup, I’m talking about Virgin Soul

It’s like 10 episodes late and all the reward we get for waiting so long to hear Charioce’s motivation boils down and awfully rote and predictable to “Bahamut killed my mommy so now I kill Bahamut”. Next we know Charioce’s mom was also named Martha I guess. The explanation is also delivered in the most transparently expositional dialogue possible and seems like a very last-minute attempt by the writers to paint Charioce in a sympathetic light because they realized too late they hadn’t given him anything for the audience to like him beyond his romance with Nina. Somehow their explanation doesn’t even address the genocide against the gods or the enslavement of the demon race, and it seems every insinuation of Gabriel being shady has been forgotten too. Okay...

It’s sad because this feels like a hugely missed opportunity. The first half of the series painted the possibility of a tri-racial conflict in which all sides were to blame, but instead it seems like it was all a fabricated conflict to pad the way so they could have a three-way confrontation bombastic finale, but with none of the nuances and grey morals it initially promised. The characters are still great, but I’m very sad that the story has been reduced to an uninteresting, predictable cliché that doesnt even quite work with all the previously established ideas.

Oh well, the season’s almost over. Next week should be my last Rambling of the season before my Final Review and I also somehow gotta find time to post about my most anticipated shows for the fall. Fun!

[imtiredofthis1-blog]

it’s 4:32

i wake up every morning around weird times is there a reason a reason why i do this.. when i think about random days i would wake up .. i remember the night we use to wake up in sweat.. that was from radiance we had the amount of warmth our bodies gave every morning you were like an oven.. with me.. anyways that was a reason we’d wake up but on these days when i’m by myself is it the same or am i just waking up for a superstition reason .. or like a weir ftelepahtic reason idk it’s just constant every morning i wake up.. at 2-6 am .. are you up? or is it just me waking up... anyways i’m gonna dice in again and give out to live out..

i tend to filter through your twitter and every time i find a relevant like to our condition it makes me feel open.. like this one i found talks about the fact that someone broke up with someone cause they weren’t happy but still in love with them.. and love isn’t happiness and you have to take that in but it not going in depth with it cause it’s late and i just do these quick late blogs so i can go back to dream world.. but anyways i look at this and just take it in and think well you do still love me.. it’s just that we weren’t happy.. but i hold my deciphering and just try to take in this pov or i should say this open wisdom from relevant people situations.. everything’s weird

i only check on you cause i wanna see that you’re alive.. i wanna see that you’re thriving with life .. i don’t know i care for you.. i maintain distance and ive broken a bit communication with you before and acted impulsively or rather hectic and i’m just trying to maintain and work on it so i just visually pass through to you and come here sometimes i wish you read those sometimes i wish we could talk sometimes i wish i had someone to get this out too and really just stop you’re a never metronome inside me and you are my drive to work better to be better to develop and maintain.. i thank you for this i thank you for protecting me and being human with care and love.. and at times i wish to give back to you the little that i can scrounge for you from left over wealth or my interior but as i think i just rather leave you alone.. i mean think about it i send you a birthday card with a framed picture from sakuracon and several other developed photos about say 8x10 size pieces.. how would it make you feel will i be invasive.. will it be creepy.. will i be crossing lines,.. the more i think about the bad the more i just believe it is bD.. so i distance my self anymore.. and more and more..

mis this really am end to how i feel will i really replace you futuristically will i lay with her and think back to you.. and not lay in a sexual form but in a sleeping time.. it hurts hurts to be like this and i can’t seem to neglect or dismiss because i really do ponder you and think about your end.. but i just think well she’s gotta be better she’s holding up she’s in a better place she must not think about it and these thoughts are assumptions but i just don’t know anymore.. i miss time i miss emotions i miss friendship amd most of all i miss you.. which is all these misses as a whole ..

ots late im late and the more i ponder you and write it on here i just channel and forget forgive and move

and if i were to tell you the truth i don’t want to do all these things said.. i judy wanna come home.. but it’s for the best or so i believe it is.. i acted out i acknowledge this i also develop this.. but our time is up.. i placed my mark on you.. and i hope you don’t see me as someone who’s at that peak forever and can’t develop because i do and sometimes i also do sit here and think do you not believe i can change..?

and it drives me more to change to alter to fix and prodeuce a better me.. from in to out.. this mark we had this really scarred me and is going to make me take it in and out bring development,.. but i can’t type it i must act and show it.. and i won’t lie there might be days i break and produce the repetitive behavior both willingly or unwillingly.. but again i will try to withold and build..

whst else can i let go.. my energy is being aligned.. yeah i think this is it.. oh umm i do rather contemplate this a lot do you come here ever do you ever NLyze me do you ever sit in whatever place you rest or reside and think did he post again or i wonder about him.. it’s okay if you do or don’t.. i don’t really long for attention but i do long for your attention your specifically.. i should stop.. but it’s like i don’t do this for you i do it for me to relax and i can’t lie though i do try to talk to you on here through a threAd of web to get you to either think or feels good about me still caring about you and when i say think i mean about changing your perception on xan how change and will he..

a while ago now that i think of it i posted something about birth control.. and yeah i did assume.. but what really got me because i tend to get into your health and wrapped my care into your health was because around january you were suppose to get a switch.. arm bar and i was like whoa... because some days you said it be possible for you to get pregnant even when you had it and the minute i saw it the control i was like whoaaaaaa no way are you???? but i don’t know much about drugs and if plan b is suppose to be within a day or two or it can be taken whenever.. so in reality i was like did we almost have a kid.. then i did also jump to other things and that made me gloomy and stupid to think about it..

but the thing i mostly wrapped around was were you almost pregnant with a kid from us.. and yeah i did think about other things too but i’m only human to think..

anyways whatever type of apology or conclusion i was trying to draw to you so be it whatever you wish to NLyze from it ..

i hope you had a good day and hope you have one from these days on.. i wish i heard you say congrats on the second job cause no one over here did lol 😨😅 ://// except for my younger sister.. lol :////

anywyas its

xo 1/30 5:03

i love you valerie and i hope we can blossom within and without eachother