#ive loved the wind rises since i first saw it and i cry. every. single. time.

[bluebellhairpin]

"I'm here. Are you alright my love? Can you walk?"

[thunder-birb]

The 5 times Tamaki accidentally confessed to Mirio and the one time he didn’t have to

Mini Series Part IV

4.

Thud. Thud. Thud. The sound of knuckles knocking against the hardwood door beckons me to get up, but the weight of disappointment clinging to my heart keeps my feet rooted to the tiled floor and back against the ceiling mere centimeters away.

“No one is here” I reply, which people will probably take as a joke, because clearly someone has said something, but if you know me, then you know that I am hardly joking. No one is a reflection of how I am not anyone worthy. Just a nobody who can’t measure up to the standards of such a prestigious school and should have never gotten accepted in the first place. I am a waste of space. A nobody. No One.

“Well, I thought it would be in no one’s best interest to know that they seem to have forgotten about their prime member who is also feeling like utter shit and would actually like his best friend to talk to... At least for now, before he has to smile and pretend he’s okay to all of his family watching back home...” that carefully guarded voice finally breaks near the end and with a deep breath, I rise up and twist the door knob open.

Pulling the door behind me almost feels instinctual with him; like I’m always shedding another layer that I usually have mountains of when it comes to other people. Yet, with him I find myself bearing my soul, even at times when I feel like I am sinking, slipping away into a nobody. Maybe it’s because when I open the door, his eyes don’t smile at me like everyone’s does in that reflection of pity and concern. No. He never once considers me as someone weak, or beneath him in some level. He sees me as an equal, someone who despite their own demons can be a shoulder to cry on and can be strong enough for the both of us.

And surely enough when the door is wide enough for my head to peak out, his eyes are not on me. They are downcast on the floor, shoulders sagging heavy like the frown I know is on his face. He isn’t just here to check up on me, but also to confide in me. No one gives me that power to heal and people won’t believe how much I crave to be needed sometimes.

“Mirio--” I cry out, feeling the dry scratch of my vocal cords after I abandoned all forms of comfort in favor of sitting here in the pool of my own loneliness and regrets.

“Tamaki, how have I fallen so behind? I can’t believe that there’s such a wide gap between me and the rest of our class when in the beginning the possibilities were infinite...” Mirio clenches his fist, face finally rising above mine in utter dismay. There are wrinkles on his forehead, far more than I have ever seen before, his blue button eyes blurring from tears begging to be released and cheeks red from boiling over in frustration. He blinks hard, eyes finally letting the water escape and sighs deeply, further letting go of all the pent up emotions he’s been keeping to himself.

Once again, I am baffled by how comfortable Mirio is with me. How can he not spare himself? Even just a little bit, so I don’t see all the imperfections or the rawness of his core? My heart sinks deeper, burying itself beneath the ground with all his pain that I know so well and fear more than anything. Yet, here he is unashamed with being seen. Something I could never ever do and which is why I was in the class room by myself in the first place.

Feeling like I might also start losing myself in the dulling ache of dissatisfaction, I stop myself from overthinking and wrap my arm around him in an embrace that feels unbalanced with the way my arm can barely engulf him, meanwhile his arms are still at his sides. I slowly move my hand up and down his back, and Mirio relaxes into me with his head resting on my shoulder.

“I know... It’s like no matter how much you try to catch up, you just end up three steps back from where you started. Always running to an end you will never reach” my eyes start welling up again and I can’t just hear the sounds of the crowd filling my ears like in the arena, but I can also feel the cameras watching punctiliously and seeing every single bad move I make. I can hear their criticism, see the judgment in their eyes and it pulls me deeper into the side of my mind that only knows self-destruction.

“With the way I’m going, that’s a sure bet” Mirio falters and for once the sadness overpowers his sunny skies. It’s like a dark angry cloud has drove the sun to a corner and ubiquitously covered the blues above.

But I think people forget that it has to rain sometimes. No one can always have the rays of light in their smile and Mirio isn’t any different. So, I hold him even though my heart is aching just as much as his. I find that sometimes being strong for someone else can fill the emptiness and by the end of it, he’s actually the one holding me. It’s a weird dynamic between us, but I guess the road has always been so bumpy that we just know how to comfort one another or when one of us is reaching his limit.

🌦️🌦️🌦️

“Ugh. You two better not start again! Especially you Amajiki! Or I’m gonna wind slap you so hard, you’ll be smiling for the rest of your happy life!” Hadou warns wagging her accusatory pointer finger first at Mirio and then at me. “We have done enough damage for the rest of our lives! And I want nothing more but big fake smiles on your handsome faces, got it?” she glares at both of us hard, testing our mental stability. Then, at no sign of us breaking down any minute, she smiles and slips naturally in between.

She encircles her left arm around my right arm and her right around Mirio’s left, connecting us into a bond that started ever since our very first Sports Festival at UA.

We didn’t do so well then either and one sad retreat into the grassy fields outside became three frustrated individuals crying their disappointed hearts out. Of course I was the one sad male who started it all, ‘a natural trendsetter’ Mirio would joke, which actually got Hadou to laugh out loud and broke the triangle of sadness that reigned on us.

Mirio found me right after his group match elimination and we just laid on the greenery, while we watched the clouds drift by like in middle school. Hadou came along by accident and just like a gush of fresh air, she brought many revelations to light.

“Hey! hey! did you know that when the olympics were still a thing, students our age who also competed had to face the pressure of millions of people scrutinizing their every move??” she pats both of our arms to get our attention, not that her being with us was already news enough...well mostly to me.

“You don’t say?” Mirio commented used to amusing Hadou’s little bits of trivia she loved to throw in every chance she got.

“Oh sure! Many of them also couldn’t shake off the high standards expected of them and some even took years to finally cope with the pressure! But that didn’t mean adults didn’t slip up once in while or got stuck in a rut in their competitions, you know? So, really this--” she gestured vaguely at us being outside and the rest of the world focused at Sports Festival inside. “Is actually quite conventional” she supplied with a small smile.

“I mean we’re still human” she continued as she flipped her blue bangs away from her face, brought her hands together and hugged her legs in a tight squeeze. “And mistakes will always happen, but it’s how we learn to get around them that really tests our capabilities as future heroes” she sighed like she was physically shrugging off all her tribulations and then resolutely laid down between us with her arms stretched out.

Mirio and I looked at each other, mouth agape and for the first time of knowing Hadou did we finally saw through her. She wasn’t just a curious busybody that everyone pegged her for. She was insightful and curious because she loved to learn and understand the things around her. She was also the only one that intrigued Mirio enough to learn some of our lessons, which was no easy task since Mirio generally preferred to be out in the field.

I guess people just never gave her enough credit and for guys like me and Mirio, that was something we knew all too well. So, that was basically how the Nobody’s Only Club was born. We really started it to cheer ourselves up after a not so successful first try at the Sports Festival, but it became this support group that reminded us we weren’t alone. And with that we just inherently became good friends.

“C’mon you guys! Yuyu is probably on her way to the HW by now” Hadou drags us both and I almost trip over them not aware that we’ve been walking this whole time and now approaching the school’s gate.

“We’re going to HW?” I ask, confused and Hadou slaps Mirio’s arm twice.

“I told you he was zoning us out” Hadou shakes her head at me, while Mirio shrugs at her and mouths an “I tried” at me. I have a terrible habit of being in my own head a lot and sometimes it stems from me not wanting to be part of the conversations in the first place. Hadou thinks I should practice talking with them anyway, while Mirio fills in the silence and covers for me when he knows I’ve drifted.

“Sorry Hadou. I’m still working on it, but why are we going to HW? I thought--”

“Well after you told me Mirio has ‘the voice of an angel’ I figured we should go get some chicken and sing our hearts out at the new Karaoke place a few stores down!” she wraps her arms around us and jumps in excitement. Meanwhile, I choke on air and start coughing, refusing to look at either of them.

Hadou starts patting my back in concern and I steal a quick glance at Mirio, who of course catches me looking at him because I am choking to death. I fight the burning warmth rising on my cheeks and try not to think about the slight tint on his ears. He tilts his head like he doesn’t know what to say about the whole ‘angel’ thing and honestly I don’t either. I didn’t even say that exactly, but I just keep drawing out my cough even though it doesn’t even itch anymore, so I won’t have to say anything at all.

Sometimes you gotta choose your battles and this one just isn’t it.

🍗🍗🍗

Already, distracted by the scenery around us, Hadou talks a mile a minute about all the questions she has for the world. Mirio, being his amicable self either makes a goofy comment about it or actually has an answer to her endless ramble. Meanwhile, I watch the sky above me and pay attention to every single thing being said. I’m nodding when I’m suppose to and letting Hadou swing our connected arms back and forth as we continue our walk.

We fall into a comfortable pace and soon the surrounding trees and the occasional houses are replaced by the tall skyscrapers of all sorts as we move closer to the core of the city. I always liked that UA was up in the hills and away from the stresses of the town. It makes it easier to disconnect from the world sometimes and just focus on our daily hero lessons at hand.

“Hey we’re almost there!” Hadou points out, walking with an extra skip in her step.

“Oh yeahhh! I’m getting pretty hangry too” Mirio wiggles his brows and I chuckle because it reminds me of Johnny Bravo when he is about to do something stupid. Mirio beams at me, happy he made someone laugh and Hadou looks at us like we’re weird.

“It’s like you guys don’t even need words to communicate! How advance~” she comments with a smile that I don’t quite understand. I raise the collar of my uniform and burry my cheeks under them, looking straight ahead.

“Haha! You make us sound like an alien life source!” Mirio laughs, back to his old bubbly self. We keep walking getting closer to the shop until we make a familiar turn over to HW.

Upon spotting Yuyu scrolling through her phone by the entrance, Hadou breaks free from our arms and runs towards her friend. Yuyu clearly amused by her friend’s antics, turns to her side to hide her smirk and pretends she doesn’t hear Hadou approaching her.

Mirio and I trail behind Hadou and we watch as she jumps at Yuyu and screams happily. It definitely scares the people coming out, but Hadou is easily excitable, especially when Yuyu is involved. They hug and exchange greetings like they haven’t seen each other just yesterday. Then, Yuyu waves us down and motions for us to get in.

We find a cozy spot in the back of the store and wait for our order of their large hot wings and drumstick combo with 4 large sides. It’s a little crowded and my skin tingles with nerves, but Yuyu and Hadou keep the conversation going, while Mirio’s fingers drum an unfamiliar beat at the empty table in front of us.

The black plastic buzzer blinks red after 10 minutes and furiously shakes on the table. Mirio does his silly celebratory dance when he’s excited mostly about food and offers to carry our order over to us. Hadou, Yuyu and I stay seated and watch Mirio wait for his turn to get our meal.

“You guys think I should compete at the Beauty Contest again? I kinda don’t want a repeat of last year...” Hadou pouts, dejected eyes now concentrating on the table, which causes Yuyu to stop playing with her long blue hair.

“What do you mean should I? Of course you should Nejire! You’re perfect for the Beauty contest!” Yuyu squeezes Hadou’s shoulders, and Hadou shakes her shoulders to take Yuyu’s hands off.

“You’re only saying that because you’re my friend” she turns her head away from Yuyu and refuses to accept her encouragement.

“Hey! Because I’m your friend, my opinion should matter more! Besides I know you best and I’m sure you can win it this year!” she turns Hadou’s chair to face her and squeezes her cheeks, so she looks up. They stare at each other, both not backing down and I wonder for a moment if I could ever have such a stare down with anyone without feeling like I’m being cut open.

“Fine! That’s one vote” Hadou concedes, smile betraying her, but then she turns her head and looks at me. “What about you Amajiki, what do you think I should do it?” she asks and I feel an immense pressure coming from Yuyu and not just because she’s kindly placed her hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah Amajiki isn’t she perfect for it?” she nods at me, big eyes waiting for me to confirm.

“Well um--- I understand your hesitance Hadou because to Yuyu you can do no wrong, but I also agree that you should give it another try” I smile at her, nervous that the buzzing around the store suddenly dies out once I decide to open my mouth.

“See??? Even Amajiki says yes!” Yuyu jumps and gives me a hi-five I nearly miss. “And you got that right! Nejire is way too cute, so it’s hard to find any fault in her!” she pats Hadous head and Hadou in turn smiles even wider. She hugs me and I nearly jump off my seat from the suddenness, but just let her squeeze tighter anyway.

“But hey! You’re one to talk Amajiki! I believe I recall someone doing the exact same thing when anyone says anything bad about Togata! Like remember that time with Burokku-san?” Yuyu points out, voice louder than it should be in this other random silent moment in the store. I peer over at the cashier and of course that’s when Mirio is taking our order from the cashier’s hands.

“What no-- I-- I didn’t do that-” I stiffen under Hadou’s hold and panic because dammit Mirio is coming right this way and this really isn’t the time.

“OoOoOoh! I remember that! What was it you said again--? Hmmm~~ It was oh-so-very brave and chivalrous too!” Hadou does this elaborate thinking face that nags at my sanity and Yuyu annoyingly winks at me before immersing in her own thoughtful face. Kill me now.

I take a big sigh and stop my legs from shaking under the table. “Fine. I may have shared a worded altercation with that---guy, but that blockhead had it coming and you guys would have done the same” I reply quickly, schooling my features as best as I can, already knowing how they get when I act more flustered. Not this time you two! I won’t let you get to me!

“Oooooh, so you admit you think Togata can do no wrong in your eyes?” Yuyu smirks sealing in her trap and the little control I have over the situation disappears right before my eyes.

“No I--- I never said that!” I jump out my seat startled and can already feel the attention its drawing. I need to leave.

“Never said what?” surely enough that’s when Mirio gets to us with the food neatly packed in a plastic bag and a tray filled with our drinks in his hands. “And why is Tamaki all red?” he turns his head to look at me and I squeak turning away from him.

“I don’t know we were just talking about you and now he’s all flustered” Nejire supplies and I honestly don’t know if she’s still playing with me or just being her regular blunt self. Yuyu laughs all the same and I tighten my hands into fists wishing to disappear. Words of advise; don’t have friends.

“I’m gonna go throw up” I say, speed walking to the bathroom without awaiting their reply and indeed feeling queasy. He didn’t hear anything did he?

“You guys have to stop teasing him so much! ” is the last I hear from Mirio before I drown them out and open the door. I splash my face with water three times and avoid the mirror. I already know I probably look like a tomato. No need to feel worse about it.

I do my sister’s breathing exercises not really sure why I’m even freaking out. It’s nothing. Just mindless teasing. They do this all the time. To me. To Mirio. To other random victims in our class. It’s nothing to freak out about. No. Totally not.

After I feel like the color has drained from my face and I can go outside without turning as red as a well-cooked lobster, I step out of the bathroom and brave myself for more teasing. However, once I step outside the bathroom, Hadou and Yuyu are nowhere to be seen. Mirio though is sitting in our same spot, waving me over.

“Hey Tamaki, are you alright?” Mirio gets up when I finally reach him and I shove my hands into my pocket, so he doesn’t see me shaking a little.

“Yeah I’m great” I lie and I know he knows I’m lying because even to me I sounded unsure.

“They didn’t really tell me what happened, but you know they just like to tease you right?” Mirio opens the door for us even with the bag of food and tray with our sodas in his hands.

“I know… Unfortunately they think it’s fun, but don’t worry, I’m used to it” I reassure him and myself, taking the tray of drinks from his hands as we try to catch up with Hadou and Yuyu way ahead of us already. “It’s just this time--”

Mirio doesn’t say anything, but the way his eyes are following my every word I know he wants to know what was said earlier. I get choked up with the mere thought of almost telling him of all freaking people and try to think of something else to say.

“This time--uhm they were uh--” my mind is malfunctioning drawing that dreaded gray screen with the eerie noise as I’m trying to think of anything plausible to say. C’mon just make something up.

“Saying that---er---” we stop in front of the Karaoke place with Hadou and Yuyu already inside probably reserving our room. I look around trying to think of anything to say and that’s when my eyes fall at his face and then his hair, glistening under the orangey yellows of the setting sun. That’s it!

“Your hair!” I yell without thinking.

“My what??” he tilts his head in confusion and honestly Mirio, ditto because I, too have no idea where I am going with this. “You guys were talking about my hair?”

“Well just hair in general and uhhh--- you know like the length of it” I try to keep it vague until a reasonable idea pops up in my head, but Mirio saves me before I find something ridiculous to say.

“Were you guys talking about that time I had to grow out my hair for my hero costume again?” Mirio supplies accompanied by a very unimpressed head shake.

“Yeahh!!! Totally was. Sorry it just came up and--”

“You were defending my honor? It’s okay Tamaki. I know I looked silly with the long hair” he laughs, humming that rapunzel song everyone sang for the rest of week. You know the one about the lights and the haze--fog lifting? “But I really miss flipping it back and making everyone laugh! Those were my prime days” Mirio snickers tapping his foot to the beat of the Rapunzel song.

“That was pretty funny and I actually like your hair long” I comment, happy to just get the topic flowing into another direction.

“Magi?” Mirio looks up from the plastic bag of food he’s holding and his blue eyes brighten in surprise.

“Well not Rapunmirio long, but like---um--- you know when we were in middle school and you grew it out?” I elaborate, wanting to laugh at his bewildered expression, but also unsure why it’s making my insides squirm and feel too damn warm.

“Rapunmirio! Haha, that’s good! And no way!! I thought everyone said it looked weird” Mirio brushes me off, probably thinking I was being too nice again.

“I don’t think you could ever look weird” is suppose to be a nice compliment to prove to Mirio that I’m being serious. Instead, what comes out of me sounds loaded and like i’ve broken some barrier that no one should ever break between friends. Bros. So, naturally that’s when I decided it’s best for me to never speak ever again.

“Hey guys, they got us the room!” Nejire yells probably making her way down the steps and waving us over.

Still terrified to look up, I keep my head down and stare at Mirio’s white sneakers instead. His feet are brawny and long, mirroring his stocky built that seems to get more pronounced with each passing day. He’s no longer tapping them to any beat, but are still close enough that I think he isn’t too weirded out by me. I can’t really tell for sure without actually looking at his face, which I will never do unless I wanted to die right there.

“Oh c’mon! Stop being so platonically in gay for each other for one second and let’s get this Nobody’s tradition started!!” Yuyu is now yelling as well, making my heart skydive to the bottom of the ground and my stomach feel like it is being compressed into half of its size. Platonically   in   gay   for each other. Oh god, I’m gonna be sick.

“Not to be party pooper or anything because you know I love a good laugh, but I don’t think it’s fair to tease Tamaki about these things” Mirio stuns us into silence and I fight the urge to look up at him.

“It’s definitely making him more distressed than usual and he’s probably questioning everything he’s ever done right now. Him and I are good friends” Mirio wraps his arm around me in a tight one-sided embrace to prove his point, which unfortunately makes me feel infinitely worse. “And it’s kind of weird that we can’t treat each other nicely the way two girls can” he continues and man, I really need to start breathing before I turn purple. And also, wow? Mirio, where did that even come from?

It’s Yuyu’s turn to feel sheepish and I can tell she’s ashamed because she hands Hadou her drink, quickly runs over to us and gives us a full on 90 degree bow. “Oh shit. I’m so sorry! I was always teasing you both, especially you, Tamaki because you get so flustered and it’s absolutely adorable, but I didn’t realize I was going too far... I’m really sorry guys. I know I can be a bit hard on the edges and relentless, but I never ever meant to make you feel weird-awful about it” she slowly straightens her body and meets our gazes. I can tell she feels really shitty about it because her eyes are getting watery, which in the year that I’ve known her has never happened before.

Not comfortable with most people crying in front of me, especially when it comes to girls because well-- I’ve only ever encountered it twice and both times I didn’t really have to do anything. My sister usually throws things or yells at me for looking at her when she’s doing it. Meanwhile Hadou usually cheers herself up before we even need to or Mirio says something witty and she laughs right away. Thus, I am not equip when dealing with women in tears even with both my sister and Hadou as practice or maybe that’s exactly the reason why. Nevertheless, the sight of Yuyu like this is beyond off-putting and I know I have to do something before I cause her anymore distress.

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself Yuyu-san. We know you meant no harm” I force myself to look at her without breaking eye contact for five seconds and place my hand on her shoulder.

“Exactly! I just wanted you to know in case you didn’t realize how it was affecting Tamaki. And we’re only human right? We make mistakes and sometimes even to our friends, but we know you and understand that you would never mean it in that way!” Mirio fits both of us soundly in his burly arms and squeezes us in a hug wayyyy too tight and warm. I stretch my arm out to save our drinks in the tray and feel the bag of food brush up against my back.

Yuyu nods her head and Hadou chooses that moment to truly break the rather abrupt turn of events by wind slapping all three of us. “Did I not say no more crying between us???” she shakes her head and Yuyu laughs in between sniffling.

“No. Well, not with me at least and I understand what you guys are saying. I’m just disappointed with myself and how I never considered how you guys felt about it” she says with a small smile. “But thank you Mirio for pointing it out and thank you both for dealing with me. I promise to stop making comments about your friendship! It’s healthy and actually pretty amazing. And yes Nejire, I’ll stop sniffling before you slap us again” she looks at us with a determined glint in her eyes and makes a show of wiping her tears away, so Hadou doesn’t get any ideas.

“Alright!! Let’s get this tradition going and start off the night with the real musical genius of UA, AMAJIKI TAMA--” Mirio announces with vigor and excitement like Present Mic does every Sports Festival, and I turn my head at him in horror. Oh No NO no. I am not singing. My eyes scream at him and he exaggerates the next syllable he’s about to say, while not breaking eye contact with me.

“KI’S BEST FRIEND MIRIOOOOO TOGATA!” he saves, flexing his arms and wiggling his eyebrows at me again. Hadou and Yuyu laugh like they knew he was going to do this all along and I feel extra silly for not seeing that coming.

“Mirio you can’t tell Yuyu to stop teasing me and then do the exact same thing right after” I point out and nudge him with my elbow.

He stops flexing his arms and wraps his left arm around my neck instead. “Roger that, best bro!” he brightens, smile so wide and sunny that my stomach lurches completely winded. Once again, I can’t talk for I fear something excruciatingly embarrassing will come out of my mouth, so I just let him drag me up the stairs and into our room feeling unsettled by how not irritated I actually am.

🎤🎤🎤

Before long, Hadou and Yuyu fuss around with the remote and the speaker settings while Mirio turns on all the disco and strobe lights available. I unpack the aluminum covering our chicken combo and set four plates out along with our chopsticks. I open the lid of our sides, one large white rice, one large fried rice, one large potato wedges and one large macaroni and cheese.

The smell does a glorious thing to all the movement around me, and when I blink my eyes open the three of them huddle along the small table in the room, salivating.

“I know I said I was gonna sing first, but mannnn that chicken smells too damn good to pass on” Mirio takes the seat next to me and takes his chopsticks in hand. Hadou already takes a bite of the potato wedges and Yuyu starts taking some of the fried rice into her plate.

We eat in continued silence, except for the default music that comes with the strobe lights. Yuyu goes out to the front to get us some drinks after we gulped ours down outside due to their ‘no outside drinks policy’ and Mirio takes another huge bite of his third drumstick. Hadou loves cheese and has been munching on the mac and cheese, while I’ve had a little bit of everything.

When Yuyu comes back the guy working at the front comes with her with a large pitcher of soda and plastic cups. Yuyu on the other hand, has four different sets of colored wigs in her hands, a tambourine and sunglasses. Mirio laughs at the sight of the comedian blue wig (completely bald in the middle, but with hair at the sides) and we play Janken (rock paper scissors) to see who will wear what.

We assign the overall winner with the green mohawk wig, then the second place with the neon pink troll wig, the third place with the red pigtails in floating in the air and the last place with the comedian blue wig.

The first round is me vs Yuyu and Hadou vs Mirio. We wipe our hands with the hand sanitizer I bring with me everywhere and then set out to start our mini tournament. I take a deep breath and Yuyu and I start as Mirio and Hadou do the same next to me. After three tries of choosing the same hand, I beat Yuyu’s rock with my paper. Hadou and Mirio play a little longer, but Hadou rises to the challenge and beats Mirio’s scissors with her rock.

Mirio and Yuyu’s shoulders droop down as they realize the mess they’ll have to wear and Hadou and I hi-five each other. The second round ends pretty quickly for both of our teams and I win in the first play beating Hadou’s paper with my scissors. Meanwhile Mirio stumbles in dead last as his scissors get blocked by Yuyu’s rock.

After we finish most of the chicken, we pack the trash into the plastic bag we had the food in, and left the large side of potato wedges and two bits of chicken wings on a spare plate. Hadou busies herself with putting on a bunch of songs and Yuyu sets out to place the comedian blue wig on Mirio. It’s a bit tight and Mirio tries to run away at first, but there’s really nowhere for him to go, especially with Hadou blocking the door, and me and Yuyu holding him down.

I don’t think I’ve ever laugh so much in my life, but Mirio’s half-assed get away and refusal to wear the wig makes it all the more hilarious. I manifest two long chicken wings to trap him because my own arms could never engulf him fully. Yuyu takes that chance to adjust the wig just right, so it hides most of his blonde hair. When she finishes despite Mirio trying to shake her off, we stare at him for 5 seconds before hitting the floor in shock and disbelief. He looks absolutely ridiculous in every possible way and my stomach hurts so bad from laughing at the sight of him.

He tries to flip the blue shoulder length hair getting stuck on his cheeks and Hadou drops the remote from shaking too hard. Mirio turns slightly pink with a particularly goofy smile and when Yuyu hands him a mirror to see what he looks like, he makes a horrified face at his own reflection. We start dying immediately and soon after he joins us on the floor laughing.

Getting Yuyu to put on the red pigtails was not a problem at all, in fact she does it all by herself meanwhile Mirio swings his blue hair back and forth and sings to Barbie girl with the appropriate Ken and Barbie voice. The sight is so funny, I take a video of the whole song despite the small amount of memory I have left on my phone. Then, Yuyu helps Hadou put her long hair in a bun and place the neon pink troll wig on her head. It’s pointless because there’s only so much hair the wig can hide and she ends up leaving her hair down and placing the wig on top.

It’s the most perplexing sight, but Hadou is in her element. She takes the second mic abandoned on the table and tries to belt the notes with Mirio. However, she’s basically screaming with her eyes closed that I can’t actually call it singing. Meanwhile, I just shake the tambourine around, happy to be here and not have to sing at all.

When Yuyu’s favorite song comes on, Mirio hands the mic over to her and her raspy voice gets even raspier when she sings. She gets most of the notes right, which makes Hadou’s screaming less apparent. Mirio takes this time to get the green mohawk wig and arranges it neatly on my head. He’s concentrating so hard with his tongue sticking out at the corner of his lip that I don’t think he’s realize how funny I look.

Hadou finally opening her eyes at the end of the song turns over at us and takes a couple of shots before bursting into a fit of giggles. Yuyu follows suit and Mirio finally looks at me properly and falls back from laughing. I feel the flush suffuse to my cheeks and neck, but for the first time I’m not really embarrassed. I guess this is how Mirio feels when he has successfully made everyone laugh because of some silly thing he did.

“Man we need photos of this! C’mon I’ll put my phone on timer!” Yuyu moves the table aside and stands in front of the couch. She raises her phone, trying to find the best angle that will fit all four of us, while Hadou and Mirio adjust themselves accordingly, so they can be seen and still have room for me to get into the frame.

“OOOh!! Okay this seems to be the best angle. Alright everyone do funny faces!” She calls out and presses the power button which starts the timer at 10 seconds. It blinks 9. 8. 7. I look at Hadou crossing her eyes and sticking out her tongue. Meanwhile, Mirio makes a fishy face with his hands covering his ears and his thumbs sticking out. I glance over at the camera and Yuyu has her mouth slightly ajar as she looks up and has the whites of her eyes peeking out.

3. 2. 1. Not really knowing what to do, I open my mouth wide and stick my head back just in time for the camera to make a loud clicking noise followed by the flash. Yuyu takes the camera down to change the settings of the camera and Hadou laughs at our faces.

“Okay I think we should do 5 seconds this time. Let’s do a rock band pose!” She yells and with that the chaos ensues. Hadou sits on her legs on the couch and does an air guitar pose. Mirio grabs the microphone and screams inaudibly like he’s hit the climactic part of the song. Yuyu uses her right hand to act like she’s smashing on piano keys and I make a run to the grab the chopsticks in the bag, but I don’t make it in time. So, what appears in the photo is a blurry patch of my hair making me seem like I’ve traveled through time. Everyone laughs at my fail and we try a second time with me in the photo this time and pretending to play the drums.

We do a couple more of poses in between actually singing and Mirio keeps us at the edge of our seats when he decides to belt into his favorite rock ballads. Hadou, Yuyu and I share impressed glances as he seriously tackles the intensity of this one particularly heart breaking song. He’s clutching his chest tightly, words hitting close to home and it makes me ache to do something about it. I take my eyes off him, needing a distraction and notice the stray tear Hadou wipes away from her eyes, despite her warning us to stop crying.  

His eyes are closed for most of the song, having already memorized each and every word along with all the rifts the original artist makes, and by the time it’s over we clap and cheer so loud, Mirio reddens in the best way.

“HOLY FUCK TOGATA! WHEN THE HECK DID YOU LEARN TO SING LIKE THAT?” Yuyu shakes the tambourine at him and Hadou slaps his arm.

“Forrealll! Maybe you should be the one competing at the beauty contest! You’d definitely win with that kind of talent!” Hadou keeps slapping his arm in excitement and my stomach ties into infinite knots as he chuckles softly and scratches the back of his head, a little shy and embarrassed.

“Oh geez! You guys just want me to flip my hair again!” He jokes to lighten their zeal, but they’re shoving the microphone back into his hands and entering another song into the machine for him to sing.

“ENCORE ENCORE ENCORE!” Hadou and Yuyu harmonize for once and Mirio sits back down next to me, absolutely overwhelmed by their tenacity. But he gives them what they want and soon, we all sing to a bunch of our childhood pop tunes.

Even I find myself singing softly underneath Hadou’s yelling, Yuyu’s raspy rocker voice and Mirio’s spellbinding singing. I know they can hear me because they suddenly have stopped singing so loud, but the lack of comment gives me courage to continue on and share this moment with them.

🦋🦋🦋

We come home late that day because Mirio and I walk Hadou and Yuyu home, both to make sure they’re safe and also to prolong the inevitable family reunion. I know we’re all thinking it, but we pass the time with more teasing and pose reenactments from the earlier karaoke mess. It’s light and funny and by the time Mirio drops me off with another tight hug, I don’t feel as bad as I know I should.

When I open the front door to my house, my family tries their best to act normal. My mom even attempts at scolding me for coming home after curfew, but it sounds forced and like she thinks I’ll break any minute. My dad just silently prepares me some hot tea and my sister keeps her door open in case I want to come in to her room and not be alone.

It’s weird because I know I should feel sad and disappointed, but the me now isn’t really feeling sad at all. All I can think about is how fun it was to sing with the gang and how close we actually have gotten within a year. It’s like we’ve poured all our misery away and there’s nothing left, but all the good memories we made afterwards. But my house feels like it’s 7 hours behind, bringing me back to the time I was still hiding in the classroom and letting my mind get the better of me. Torn between letting it go or letting it sit on my mind, I take a nice long shower and not think about anything at all.

By the time I’m out of the shower, I see all the notifications Yuyu has sent to our group chat and wipe my hair dry before climbing into bed. I click on our chat and a bunch of our group selfies show up. I look at each one and laugh so hard I choke on my own saliva. There’s one with Yuyu, Hadou and Mirio posing like Charlie’s Angels that just melts the last bits of uncertainty in my mind.

Hadou and Mirio send their stolen moments as well and I do the same, checking off the four photos I manage to take. Then, I spot the video of Mirio flipping his hair back and forth to Barbie Girl and the encore love song he sings to appraise Hadou’s dying request. Just thinking about the way he fills each line with such agony and passion makes me feel funny again. But, before I think myself out of it, I press play anyway and fall asleep to the thought of how it would actually feel to be in love.

Part 1 2 3 of 5

I LIVEEE. lol. I know it’s been a hot minute, but I kinda fell into a funk and the first few drafts for this chapter felt too forced to continue. So, I took a break and started doodling around. And before I knew it, the itch to continue the story came and this long chappie was made. As always, I’d love to hear from you guys and hope you enjoy this next installment. Thank you very much and I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday season🎄

[tpanan]

My Holy Saturday at the Easter Vigil in the Holy Night of Easter Daily Blessings

Apri 3, 2021

Be still quiet your heart and mind, the LORD is here, loving you talking to you...........                                                                                                                                                              

Holy Saturday at the Easter Vigil in the Holy Night of Easter Daily Blessings Lectionary: 41, Cycle B  

First Reading: Genesis 1:1-2:2

In the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless wasteland, and darkness covered the abyss, while a mighty wind swept over the waters.

Then God said, "Let there be light,"" and there was light. God saw how good the light was. God then separated the light from the darkness. God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." Thus evening came, and morning followed—the first day.

Then God said, "Let there be a dome in the middle of the waters, to separate one body of water from the other." And so it happened: God made the dome,

and it separated the water above the dome from the water below it. God called the dome "the sky." Evening came, and morning followed—the second day.

Then God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered into a single basin, so that the dry land may appear." And so it happened: the water under the sky was gathered into its basin, and the dry land appeared. God called the dry land "the earth, " and the basin of the water he called "the sea." God saw how good it was.

Then God said, "Let the earth bring forth vegetation: every kind of plant that bears seed and every kind of fruit tree on earth that bears fruit with its seed in it." And so it happened: the earth brought forth every kind of plant that bears seed and every kind of fruit tree on earth that bears fruit with its seed in it.

God saw how good it was. Evening came, and morning followed—the third day.

Then God said: "Let there be lights in the dome of the sky, to separate day from night. Let them mark the fixed times, the days and the years, and serve as luminaries in the dome of the sky, to shed light upon the earth." And so it happened: God made the two great lights, the greater one to govern the day,

and the lesser one to govern the night; and he made the stars. God set them in the dome of the sky, to shed light upon the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. God saw how good it was.

Evening came, and morning followed—the fourth day.

Then God said, "Let the water teem with an abundance of living creatures, and on the earth let birds fly beneath the dome of the sky." And so it happened:

God created the great sea monsters and all kinds of swimming creatures with which the water teems, and all kinds of winged birds. God saw how good it was, and God blessed them, saying, "Be fertile, multiply, and fill the water of the seas; and let the birds multiply on the earth." Evening came, and morning followed—the fifth day.

Then God said, "Let the earth bring forth all kinds of living creatures: cattle, creeping things, and wild animals of all kinds." And so it happened: God made all kinds of wild animals, all kinds of cattle, and all kinds of creeping things of the earth. God saw how good it was.

Then God said: "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and the cattle, and over all the wild animals and all the creatures that crawl on the ground." God created man in his image; in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them, saying: "Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and all the living things that move on the earth."

God also said: "See, I give you every seed-bearing plant all over the earth and every tree that has seed-bearing fruit on it to be your food; and to all the animals of the land, all the birds of the air, and all the living creatures that crawl on the ground, I give all the green plants for food." And so it happened. God looked at everything he had made, and he found it very good. Evening came, and morning followed—the sixth day. Thus the heavens and the earth and all their array were completed. Since on the seventh day God was finished with the work he had been doing, he rested on the seventh day from all the work he had undertaken.

Responsorial Psalm:  Psalm 104: 1-2, 5-6, 12, 13-14, 24-35

"Lord, send out your spirit, and renew the face of the earth."

Second Reading: Genesis 22:1-18

God put Abraham to the test. He called to him, "Abraham!" "Here I am,"  he replied. Then God said: "Take your son Isaac, your only one, whom you love,

and go to the land of Moriah. There you shall offer him up as a holocaust on a height that I will point out to you." Early the next morning Abraham saddled his donkey, took with him his son Isaac and two of his servants as well, and with the wood that he had cut for the holocaust, set out for the place of which God had told him.

On the third day Abraham got sight of the place from afar. Then he said to his servants: "Both of you stay here with the donkey, while the boy and I go on over yonder. We will worship and then come back to you." Thereupon Abraham took the wood for the holocaust and laid it on his son Isaac's shoulders, while he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two walked on together, Isaac spoke to his father Abraham: "Father!" Isaac said. "Yes, son," he replied.

Isaac continued, "Here are the fire and the wood, but where is the sheep for the holocaust?" "Son," Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the sheep for the holocaust." Then the two continued going forward.

When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. Next he tied up his son Isaac, and put him on top of the wood on the altar. Then he reached out and took the knife to slaughter his son. But the LORD's messenger called to him from heaven, "Abraham, Abraham!" "Here I am!" he answered. "Do not lay your hand on the boy," said the messenger. "Do not do the least thing to him. I know now how devoted you are to God, since you did not withhold from me your own beloved son."

As Abraham looked about, he spied a ram caught by its horns in the thicket.

So he went and took the ram and offered it up as a holocaust in place of his son. Abraham named the site Yahweh-yireh; hence people now say, "On the mountain the LORD will see."

Again the LORD's messenger called to Abraham from heaven and said:

"I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you acted as you did in not withholding from me your beloved son, I will bless you abundantly and make your descendants as countless as the stars of the sky and the sands of the seashore; your descendants shall take possession of the gates of their enemies, and in your descendants all the nations of the earth shall find blessing--all this because you obeyed my command."

Responsorial Psalm: Psalm 16:5, 8, 9-10, 11

"You are my inheritance, O Lord."

Reading III

Ex 14:15—15:1

Exodus, CHAPTER 14 | USCCB

CHAPTER 14 1Then the LORD spoke to Moses: 2Speak to the Israelites: Let them turn about and camp before Pi-hahi...

Responsorial Psalm

Ex 15:1-2, 3-4, 5-6, 17-18

Reading IV

Is 54:5-14

Isaiah, CHAPTER 54 | USCCB

CHAPTER 54 The New Zion 1Raise a glad cry, you barren one* who never bore a child, break forth in jubilant song,...

Responsorial Psalm

Ps 30:2, 4, 5-6, 11-12, 13  

Reading V

Is 55:1-11

Responsorial Psalm

Is 12:2-3, 4, 5-6

Reading VI

Bar 3:9-15, 32--4:4

Responsorial Psalm

Ps 19:8, 9, 10, 11

Reading VII

Ez 36:16-17a, 18-28

Ezekiel, CHAPTER 36 | USCCB

CHAPTER 36 Regeneration of the Land. 1As for you, son of man, prophesy to the mountains of Israel and say: Mount...

Responsorial Psalm

Ps 42:3, 5; 43:3, 4

Epistle

Rom 6:3-11

Responsorial Psalm

Ps 118:1-2, 16-17, 22-23

Gospel

Mark 16:1-7

**Meditation:  

Early Sunday morning the women went to the tomb to pay their last tribute to a dead body. The disciples thought that everything had finished in tragedy. Neither were ready to see an empty tomb and hear the angel's message, "Do not be amazed; you seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen, he is not here; see the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him, as he told you." (Marke 16:6-7). The angel urged them to believe that Jesus had indeed risen just as he had promised. In joy then went to share the good news with the other disciples. Is it any small wonder that it was the women, rather than the apostles, who first witnessed the empty tomb and the resurrected Lord? Isidore of Seville, a 7th century church father comments on this: "As a woman (Eve) was first to taste death, so a woman (Mary Magdalene) was first to taste life. As a woman was prescient in the fall, so a woman was prescient in beholding the dawning of redemption, thus reversing the curse upon Eve." The first to testify to the risen Lord was a woman from whom Jesus had cast out seven demons. What is the significance of the stone being rolled away? It would have taken several people to move such a stone. And besides, the sealed tomb had been guarded by soldiers! This is clearly the first sign of the resurrection. Bede, a church father from the 8th century, comments: "[The angel] rolled back the stone not to throw open a way for our Lord to come forth, but to provide evidence to people that he had already come forth. As the virgin's womb was closed, so the sepulcher was closed, yet he entered the world through her closed womb, and so he left the world through the closed sepulcher." (From Homilies on the Gospels 2,7,24) Another church father remarked: "To behold the resurrection, the stone must first be rolled away from our hearts" (Peter Chrysologus, 5th century). Do you know the joy of the resurrection? It is significant that the disciples had to first deal with the empty tomb before they could come to grips with the fact that scripture had foretold that Jesus would die for our sins and then rise triumphant. They disbelieved until they saw the empty tomb. Bede explains why the Risen Lord revealed himself gradually to the disciples:

"Our Lord and redeemer revealed the glory of his resurrection to his disciples gradually and over a period of time, undoubtedly because so great was the virtue of the miracle that the weak hearts of mortals could not grasp [the significance of] this all at once. Thus, he had regard for the frailty of those seeking him. To those who came first to the tomb, both the women who were aflame with love for him and the men, he showed the stone rolled back. Since his body had been carried away, he showed them the linen cloths in which it had been wrapped lying there alone. Then, to the women who were searching eagerly, who were confused in their minds about what they had found out about him, he showed a vision of angels who disclosed evidences of the fact that he had risen again. Thus, with the report of his resurrection already accomplished, going ahead of him, the Lord of hosts and the king of glory himself at length appeared and made clear with what great might he had overcome the death he had temporarily tasted." (From Homilies on the Gospels 2,9,25)

One thing is certain, if Jesus had not risen from the dead and appeared to his disciples, we would never have heard of him. Nothing else could have changed sad and despairing men and women into people radiant with joy and courage. The reality of the resurrection is the central fact of the Christian faith. Through the gift of the Holy Spirit, the Lord gives us "eyes of faith" to know him and the power of his resurrection. The greatest joy we can have is to encounter the living Lord and to know him personally. Do you celebrate the feast of Easter with joy and thanksgiving for the victory which Jesus has won for you over sin and death?

Lord Jesus Christ, you have triumphed over the grave and you have won new life for us. Give me the eyes of faith to see you in your glory. Help me to draw near to you and to grow in the knowledge of your great love and power.

Sources:

Lectionary for Mass for Use in the Dioceses of the United States, second typical edition, Copyright © 2001, 1998, 1997, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine; Psalm refrain © 1968, 1981, 1997, International Committee on English in the Liturgy, Inc. All rights reserved. Neither this work nor any part of it may be reproduced, distributed, performed or displayed in any medium, including electronic or digital, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

**Meditations may be freely reprinted and translated into other languages for non-profit use only. Please cite copyright and original source.

Copyright 2021 Daily Scripture Readings and Meditation, dailyscripture.net author Don Schwager

[surprisebitch]

hi carlos! hope you're having a swell day, i wanted to ask: what are your current anime recs? ive been looking for sth to watch and i think you have great taste! have a nice day, thanks in advance! :)

Hii!! I’m having a good day thank you! :D And sure, lemme copy and paste my previous list and make some modifications and updates to answer your question!

Currently watching:

Boku no Hero Academia

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures

One Punch Man

Hunter X Hunter

Recently watched:

Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan - it’s the Game of Thrones of anime imo.. like it’s so GOOD.. it will just make you gag after every episode. it’s so intense and there are really badass characters. and the plot is really brilliant. like i’m almost finished with season 1 and i’m just shook after every single episode. i watch during my cardio sessions in the gym lmao after every workout.. and its great cause it’s like when a titan is chasing a character, i end up walking faster on the stairs Lmaoo so intense

Love Live! - i honestly just watched this like out of curiosity and just for kicks. i was not expecting to love it but after episode 3, i was like wait??? wasnt this anime supposed to be fun?? why am i crying?? so yeah, it’s super good, touching, entertaining and sweet! and the songs are really catchy and good.. it’s such a WLW anime and there’s a canon couple :>

Love Live! Sunshine - i watched this like a few months after finishing Love Live! cause i loved the OG girls and i was worried i wont like these girls.. but honestly, LLS is EVEN GAYER.. and is soo good too!

btw tell me who your fave girls/best girls are after watching Love Live and Sunshine. my best girls are Umi Sonoda and Yo Watanabe :>

Kimi no Na Wa - universally lauded and recently released! it’s the best film released in 2016 imo. i swear it’s really next level storytelling

Anime watched/finished:

Rurouni Kenshin - i think i watched this anime twice/thrice.. It’s so suspenseful. it’s about samurais. and this anime made me interested about Japan’s history. it’s kind of a period drama with amazing fight sequences. and it’s critically acclaimed. it’s my father’s all-time favourite anime

Rurouni Kenshin OVA - it’s a prequel. also more violent and tragic than its anime counterpart.. like it’s really different from the series. but it’s so good. you’ll find out how Kenshin got his iconic X mark from here!)

Ghost Stories - THE DUB IS A MASTERPIECE! You really have to see this one. the anime bombed in Japan so the english dubbers got all the rights for the anime and they gave the go signal for the dubbers to do whatever the fuck they want. it ended up being like an anime Scary Movie with a hilarious script

Puella Magi Madoka Magica - i swear do not be deceived.. it is a really intense and surprisingly dark anime with excellent plot twists

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun - super funny anime. if you need a laugh, this will really lift you up. i watched the first two episodes in sub and dub back to back.. and i can vouch that the voice actors for the English dub are excellent. it’s actually even funnier.. but if you prefer subs, then that’s fine. it’s just the lines are more humorous, expressive and have more variety :) Nozaki’s voice is also attractive in the dub.. it’s still very Nozaki imo. this anime pokes fun at the shoujo manga yet still has romantic elements. it’s mostly comedy though 

Jigoku Shoujo / Hell Girl - angst, tragedy, philosophical anime analysing humanity’s hatred, need for vengeance, and suffering. Futakomori or the 2nd season is my favourite but it’s worth finishing the entire series. 3rd season is very painful to watch though and you dont have to watch that one tbh

Yu Yu Hakusho - occult, spirit world, ghosts, and fighting. you most probably have heard of this

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters - 1st series starring Yugi. iconic!

Digimon - can be very intense! better than Pokemon imo

Cardcaptor Sakura - this is also suspenseful. like the premise is essentially that Sakura has to catch all the “monsters” that were freed from this book. and it’s up to her to “capture” them and put into cards. magic, fantasy, and beautiful animation

Ranma ½ - this was so funny but the ending was disappointing cause it got cancelled apparently.. i really hope this will go out of limbo and give us a proper ending like InuYasha did but i doubt it

Danganronpa (murder plot twists, intense and despair-filled storyline. btw i highly suggest you play this game (it’s available on Steam) instead of watching the poorly condensed anime. so buy it on steam or you can download it how you like cause it’s one of the best games ever. and if you plan on watching this, there is no Danganronpa 2 anime so yeah just play the game tbh. but a playthrough/game since the anime is based from the game. murder, plot twists, suspense. click this to know more about the premise. it’s Battle Royale meets CSI. after watching this, here’s a link of the playthrough of the 2nd game. it’s super fun, full of plot twists, and interactive) 

Yuri On Ice - it’s a really cute gay anime. people will argue it isnt and its queerbait but i’m gay and alot of the things which happen are too much for just bros to do so yeah, i believe it’s canon gay or mlm. and i enjoyed it so you watch it and be the judge

Blood+ - vampires and sword fighting

Ghost In The Shell - it’s a sci-fi movie

Yakitate Japan - baking and cooking!

Getbackers - still up to debate if the duo are gay but if you google art of them, there have been official art released and it’s so gay lol. but yeah it’s shonen genre and it’s not canon gay

Cowboy Bebop - a CLASSIC. the dub is great!!

I don’t remember if i finished these but I watched a lot of episodes enough to recommend it and will rewatch them soon to relieve memories. I’m pretty sure I tuned in though and watched like 80%:

Fushigi Yuugi (i think this is shoujo but it has a nice adventure storyline)

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood  (i feel like i actually finished this. idk why my memory is hazy concerning this anime. this is so popular. you should’ve heard of this iconic anime somehow. i watched and tuned in but i don’t remember how or when i stopped)

Gundam series (i think i finished the first Gundam and the second)

Tsubasa Chronicles (it’s like a spin-off of Cardcaptor Sakura but they’re like all grown up and the plot is different)

Naruto

One Piece (i watched like the first four seasons)

Bleach (i remembered watching until episode 40 omg)

Great Teacher Onizuka (this is so funny tbh. i think i watched almost all of it)

Studio Ghibli films I watched:

Spirited Away

The Wind Rises

Ponyo

Tales from Earthsea

Anime I plan to watch (many suggested this to me and i plan on watching them so i’ll write them down here) :

Koe no Katachi (A Silent Voice)

Anohana The Flower We Saw That Day

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Tokyo Ghoul

Re: Zero

Your Lie in April

Shin sekai Yori

Gintama

More of Makoto Shinkai’s movies like 5 centimetres per second, etc.)

More Ghibli films too

Here you go!!!! I know it’s an extensive list. I’ll probably make this a masterpost of anime recs and will update this list, and add more soon. If you have any questions or anything, don’t be shy to message me! :)

[last updated: 15 September 2017]

[24hs]

Affirmation

summary: Once Yongsun realized Byulyi acted different around her, there was no way back to comforting ignorance.

pairing: moonsun

words: 1800+

also readable here

I.

Yongsun had been reaching for assurance her whole life. In kindergarten, she always clang to her friend’s coat-tails, in high school there never passed a break without her being surrounded by colleagues and admirers. Yongsun thought that this was how happiness felt like, even though the well-known anxiety of being alone, lonely, miserable kept attacking in her dreams.

The feeling only started flaking off when she was with her.

Born Moon Byulyi, 670 days younger than her, 165 centimeters tall, weighing 45 kilogram. Communication student. Aiming for a journalistic career. Enjoys diving and drawing, loves dancing. Likes: sound of a piano, spicy food and suits. Dislikes: heights, hogs and honey.

Getting close with Moon Byulyi was sort of magical. It meant climbing through a restroom’s window to get away with stealing champagne from a 24-hours store, and then drinking it straight from the bottle, giggling together. It meant watching the sun rise from a roof top with wind blowing through their hair.

It meant falling completely heels over head.

II.

Yongsun could barely remember a time they weren’t best friends. She remembered Wheein introducing her to Byulyi, and Hyejin telling her everything about Byulyi. Anything else was blurred, wiped out, too strong were the moments she shared with her, arms in arms, their legs tangled.

Yongsun could remember a time when she didn’t love her excellently.

Mainly because it was so much easier. There wasn’t lighting running through her chest when Byulyi smiled, laughed, grinned.

When Byulyi wasn’t with her the messy rain came and blurred the sun’s existence out.

She wondered if Byuyi felt the same about her.

III.

It didn’t happen instantly, or at least, Yongun didn’t notice at first.

Byulyi still behaved normally with Wheein and Hyejin. Brushed their bare arms and legs, but she didn’t bother touching Yongsun the same way anymore. Sat on their laps and played with their hair, but never even looked her in the eye when Yongsun tried to cross her warm fingers with her cold ones.

Laughed with Wheein and Hyejin and stayed silent with Yongsun

What was the worst about the whole thing was Byulyi calling her Yongsun in that hard, distant way. The names they used to call each other - Moonbyul and Solar, the moon and the sun - faded away and Yongsun asked herself if the memories of Byulyi whispering dear, honey, love to her ear at night were a bland lie to comfort herself.

“Want to meet up later?”

Byulyi looked at her hands. “Can’t, I’m meeting up with a friend.”

Yongsun expected this answer. She had been telling her this since what felt like years.

“Do I know them?” Yongsun glared at Byulyi’s slender hands.

"She’s called Heeyeon. You may have seen her sometimes, she and Wheein share the same class.” Yongsun tried to ignore the goose bumps that crawled on her skin. It always did when Byulyi talked this politely to her. As if they were merely acquaintances, yet friends.

“What is she like?” Byulyi didn’t answer as Hyejin entered and let her body fall on a near chair. “I’m so done”, she sighed and put her arm around Byulyi’s neck. “The seminar was literally like hell.” Byulyi turned her head to look at Hyejin. Yongsun couldn’t help noticing that she seemed relieved. “You went there?”

“No, but I’ve got my informants.” Hyejin grinned and Byulyi laughed. Yongsun stood up. “I’m going”, she muttered and hurried out of the door. “Hey, Yongsun!”, Hyejin called after her - she could hear the frown in her voice -, but she didn’t turn around.

Guilt about making Hyejin worry strangulated her but Yongsun took weird pride in being selfish for once. She decided tp stop bending over for others from this day on.

IV.

Staying with Byulyi got harder. She felt dirty for doing this to her - the trembling fingers of hers, her lips that got bloody from biting on it, her lowered gaze. Yongsun could tell Byulyi wanted to flee whenever she was near to her, but she was too stubborn to actually do it. Yongsun was too, so she stayed, in bitter agony.

Was it possible for the moon and the sun to burn each other out?

Yongsun wanted to know why. Why Byulyi kept building up walls in front of her, why she wouldn’t look at her the same way she used to, why they didn’t dance slowly together anymore.

“Have you noticed something about Moon- Byulyi recently?” Yongsun’s tongue still stumbled over the unused sound of her real name. “What should have I noticed?” Wheein was a better liar than Byulyi – her voice didn’t shake and she didn’t blink nervously -, but she wasn’t good enough to fool Yongsun. “Please.” She rested her head on her shoulder and closed her burning eyes. Wheein idly ran her hand through Yongsun’s hair, but her fingers were tensed. “You should talk to her yourself.” It was exactly what Hyejin told her before, just a bit softer and less quiet.

Why did everyone know but her? Yongsun felt like she was buried alive.

The sun loved the moon so much she died every night to let her breathe.

V.

Yongsun was very good at taking care of those being close to her. Yongsun was also great at working hard and holding promises. However, waiting had never been one of her strengths. Time was passing so slowly it drove her insane. She felt sick.

When she finally, finally heard the sound of a door getting unlocked, Yongsun already stood on her feet. Everything she planned to tell Byulyi was suddenly erased from her brain, every single thought she wanted to share was gone.

Her heart sprung as Byulyi stepped through her own front door, not seeing her. Yet. Yongsun had a full second of observing a face that had been frowning these past months whenever it saw her.

She froze.

Byulyi looked tired. Her eye shadow was smudged, her lilac eye rings badly covered, her cheeks sunken. What Yongsun didn’t noticed until now was her lost of weight. Byulyi’s wrists looked like they could cut stone.

“Moonbyul?”

It was almost grotesque what a mere whisper could do to her. Byulyi’s neck snapped back and her fingers knuckles turned white, clasping the doorknob. “What- You-” She ran her hand through her hair, restlessly, and bit on her lip. Yongsun could see her hand shaking when it let go of the handle and closed the door behind her. “What are you doing here, Yongsun?” Said bit her lips. Not only that the cold name made her cringe, all the courage that she had had vanished by now.

“What happened?”

Byulyi blinked. Not in confusion, Yongsun knew, rather in panic. Denial. “To..?” Her voice trailed off. Yongsun stared at her. It must seemed bold to her, but Yongsun knew she wouldn’t dare if Byulyi looked her in the eye and not on the floor.

“To us.”

Byulyi looked torn. It was a strange expression to see, her usual beautiful facial features contorted due to anxiety, dread- anger?

“Please leave now, Yong-”

“No!”

Yongsun’s yell clanged high pitched her own ears. Judging by Byulyi’s eyes, widened in shook, it sounded shrill to her, too. Yongsun breathed out. “I’m not leaving until- until I have an answer.”

She wasn’t ready to let her optimism go. She wouldn’t let go of her, Moonbyul, without a fight.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

Byulyi froze. Her once so beautiful eyes went blank. “Hate?” The word was a mere breath through gritted teeth. “We’ve changed, and I know it’s-”, Yongsun stopped because she didn’t want the tears to fall. They did anyway. “My fault, but I- need to know-” She choked on her own words. Pathetic. “Tell me”, she whispered, “please tell me and I will go and never come back.”

VI.

Yongsun never had been a fan of talking without thinking. She always thought that words should be picked with caution, but not be sugar coated.

Byulyi’s reaction made her almost rethink her steely rule. Her hands tensed and relaxed in a one second span. Her eyes shuttered and were widely opened again almost immediately. Seeing her once best friend like this hurt her heart. Painfully. When Byulyi started crying, her heart sprung into thousands of pieces. Yongsun was unable to move. She stared at her, her hands raised to comfort her, but she didn’t dare to lay her fingers on her.

She was afraid Byulyi would break under her touch.

She was afraid of Byulyi slapping her hands back.

“I’m”, she hesitated, unsure what to say. “I’m sorry, I will leave n-”

Byulyi grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug.

VII.

Byulyi always had been bad at expressing her feelings. It seemed ironical to new people she met - an artist that’s not good at being in touch with themselves? -, but Yongsun never made fun of her. At least, not about that.

It was one of the many, many things about she admired. She cherished. She loved dearly.

VIII​​​​​​​.

Yongsun didn’t know what to do, so she just let herself go. Pulled Byulyi carefully closer to her and placed her hands on her hips, rested her head on her neck. Her view went blurry, thanks to the tears that now dropped from her cheeks as well.

IX​​​​​​​.

Byulyi didn’t know what to do, either. She trusted what her instincts told her - and everything in her screamed to hug, touch, kiss Yongsun. She had been denying her true heart for the past days, weeks, months, but now that she held her in her arms, everything just seemed to be awfully clear.

XI​​​​​​​.

Yongsun had never seen Byulyi this vulnerable in front of her, and she already was the person she trusted the most. Had trusted. Trusted again? Yongsun’s tears streamed down faster.

“Moonbyul”’ she whispered, “what are we?”

XII.

Happiness, luck, perfection. The personification of pure love, love that makes you greedy for more and more and more of that feeling. They were everything.

Moonbyul closed her eyes and didn’t dare to breath. “Solar, I love you.”

XIII.

Cozy nights spent at home when it’s storming outside. The sound of silence in winter. A sun that melts everything, a moon that shines on everything.

Solar sniffled. “I love you too, Moonbyul.”

XIV​​​​​​​.

It took Solar some time to fully forgive Moonbyul, but she tried her best to do so. The kisses they shared these past days detoxicated her mind. How couldn’t she see Moonbyul’s obvious way of coping with her feelings - running away, like she always did?

XV​​​​​​​.

Moonbyul didn’t want to run away anymore. She wanted to live now. With Solar.

XVI.

Solar wasn’t reaching for assurance anymore. She had found it already.