#ive just been sitting in my room cuz i dont wanna leave

[grace4867]

I move out for college tomorrow and i really dont like this

[creachercrunch]

my hips are murdering me but if i have to lay in bed any longer i am going to break mentally oh my god

[ynluvy]

katie’s babysitter—-btr x black reader.

warnings : none, maybe some mediocre writing but nothing really. BLACK READER !!!! 

word ct : 1,143

author’s note : heyy bestiess !! i thought taking the holiday break i got at school 

and putting to use with this story could bring back the audience and refresh my account! 

ive been thinking of a btr fic that has multiple parts and i think this is it! I feel like the ending is rushed but its literally almost 7 am and i haven’t had a wink of sleep yet. I have so much to do but im glad i took the time to sit down and write this for you guys! thanks for sticking around, and ill get to re-writing this soon.

much love!!

PROLOGUE. 

katie had grown, she was eleven now, and arguing with her mother about how she didn't need a babysitter, she was able to take care of herself. she could put out a fire if she wanted to, and that sentence alone made ms. knight call you up.

you arrive at apartment 2J from 6E and knock lightly, and almost immediately the door is opened and an average height guy opens the door. he has pale skin, but his short brown hair and eyes contrast. he's built, but not bulky. hes surprised but smiles warmly. “you’re the babysitter for katie?” you nod and smile awkwardly under his slightly intense gaze, you shift your bag to the middle of your body as you hold onto its white leather strap with both hands. He watches  “yep, that's me.” he shifts his body to the side.

 “im logan, not katie’s brother but a friend of his. come in, katie’s in her room sulking since she didn't want a babysitter.” he says and you snort. “glad to know i wasn't wanted.” your comment causes him to chuckle. katie emerges from her room, walking up to you and huffing. “i honestly don't even know why my mom called you. ill just give you your payment and you can leave, easy money!” she cracks a fake smile you see right through. you place your hands on your knees and get eye level with her. “katie, im gonna be here for the 4 hours your mother requested me to stay. you’re stuck with me, girlie. if it was that easy i would’ve taken your offer.” she sighs and walks to sit on the couch as you stand 

as you straighten your back and walk past her to the kitchen it was then you see three other guys now by logan watching what had transpired between you and katie with hooded eyes and a daydream-like smile. You stare for a sec until you clear your throat. “um, fun question. who are you three?” they introduce themselves and you get acquainted as katie gets you to do things with her around the crib. the four guys follow you around like a puppy dog and act like they arent when you turn to them, distracting themselves with whatever is around them. you snicker, then hours go by and ms. knight calls you up. “there’s a hold up at the office, do you think you could stay for 2 or 3 more hours maybe ? ill pay you extra, just please? i cant trust those boys for the life of me.” you chuckle and agree. “sure ms. knight, i can stay for a couple more hours with katie. she a cool kid so its no prob.” she thanks you immensely and promises to call when she can make it back, to which you assure her its no problem and the call ends. 

you turn to katie and she look almost excited. “you can really stay longer? dont mess with me y/n.” she says and you giggle. “yea katie, you're stuck with me for a little while longer.” she smiles and pulls you to the kitchen. “ i wanna make cookies, easy cookies. like sugar cookies.” she says, and you nod. “We can definitely do that.” and you both get to work under four sets of eyes. You look up and crack a half-smile“Do you boys like sugar cookies?” you ask and they all nod quickly, carlos chiming. “yea,yea! love em, they’re so sweet, and pretty- i-i mean! Pretty good, y’know cuz they’re cookies, not–not a person.” the other three look over to him and scrutinize him with their eyes and he slumps in his chair. Kendall gets an idea and walks around to the kitchen, right between you and katie. “Is there anything you need help with, y/n?” you give him the dry ingredients and a bowl. “add these to the bowl, grab the measuring cups and ill tell you how much of what ingredient, ‘kay?” he nods and starts with your assistance, the other burning a hole in kendall’s face.

 “Why the long face boys? Did you wanna help too?” they all nod and you give each of them a bowl with ingredients and give them an assignment. everyone was working on their own thing in silence and thirty minutes later there’s a hot plate of sugar cookies on the table and each one of you has one in your hand, snacking and complimenting each other on their assignment. logan snorts. “y/n im not gonna beat around the bush anymore,alright? do you wanna go on a date with me?” he said, almost like normal conversation and thats when all hell broke loose. james looks bewildered, snapping his neck towards logan. “I was gonna ask her out first! How dare you, logan, ask this fine lady in such a way??” he says, winking at you and having you even more confused. Now kendall and carlos are having a screaming fight and before anything escalates you put a stop to it. 

“all four of you, quiet! how about this,” you think to yourself and have an idea. “ill go on a date with all four of you, ONE date each. whoever’s date goes well in my opinion ill go on a second date with and further on. logan’s first since he was confident enough to ask me out directly. James next, kendall, then carlos. Sound like a plan?” they all nod and re-adjust themselves. “Now, the rest of the week im free until i get a gig or babysitting call. If you’re free this week it can happen.” they all agree and ms. knight comes home. “im home guys! mm, it smells really good in here.” she walks up and grabs a cookie, eating it and asking questions to each one you answer truthfully and take your leave. “bye katie, bye boys. logan, ill see you tomorrow?” he nods and the door closes and you walk to your apartment. 

what’ve you got yourself into? thinking you’re being proactive but in reality you set yourself up for failure with this decision. but, you cant stress yourself out. whats done is done.

[alonelymidwestdreamer]

fuckin peachy

———

i really thought i could do it

i dont know why

well, no

fuck that

i do know why

i thought i could get my shit together, finally, because people are supporting me

because im not keeping myself in a shitty relationship

because im forcing myself to sit with just myself and learn to be ok with that

because im trying to be a good person

because i was making fucking progress

i was taking steps

someone, maybe everyone, is gonna say that progress isnt linear

but have you ever been forced off road after just getting off a detour, just getting used to a nice straight highway

it doesnt still feel like progress

in fact, it feels like why not take another drink, why not feel good instead of crying over a cancellation

it feels like why not pick that pocket knife back up, why not take a hammer to your knuckles till theyre all purple

why not see if that one girl you ruined ur life for over and over finally has u unblocked

it doesnt feel like progress

it feels like derailment

im losing my fucking mind

ive been watching this show

its sadder than hell but i can’t stop watching it

it reminds me of that girl who i, yk, ruined my life over

she was a pisces

it reminds me of her because it reminds me of all the trauma she sat through with me

it reminds me of being homeless and of my parents fights and my fights with my parents and just

everything

it reminds me of things i buried pretty damn deep

this show triggers the fuck out of me

i cant sit with myself reliving this shit, but she sat through all that with me as it happened

she was the only constant in my life for so many years

but me wanting to get better was the breaking point

that was the line

we used to scream at each other

shed trigger me on purpose when i made her mad

how fucked up is that

but when i wanted to fix myself, when i wanted to create a life that could hold her and i both in it without all the fucking anger

that was that

she still has me blocked

i havent told almost anyone, although now youll all know, but i made a new account, just to try to talk to her

when someones in ur life for so long and so deeply it just feels wrong when they leave

or maybe thats just me

i hadnt talked to her in like two years?

i just wanted to know what her life looks like now

she did not believe that

and shes still mad at me

ig i never realized she ruined her life over me too

when i asked how she was she said “what are you drunk or something?”

i really thought i could do it, i thought i could be ok

i just wanna get drunk

all the time

i wish i was drunk when i messaged her

i wish she was right

i wished a little too hard ig cuz i did start drinking again

i keep pretending its not all i think about

its not that serious, cant be

if it was that serious someone would notice right?

being drunk doesnt even feel great anymore

but if im gonna fuck up by just existing, at least i get an excuse if im shitfaced

i tried so hard

i mean im still trying

but every day i get closer to doing it again and again and again

isnt that embarrassing?

i dont like it, i dont want to

i just also dont like me very much

and who would even care

no one noticed the first time until i told them, i think honestly everyone preferred me buzzed all the time until they knew thats what it was

no one knew i was overdosing in bledsoes room either tho

sitting behind keleah in college algebra trig

the room spinning so violently i thought i was dying

i guess i was dying technically

after, i sat in the rose garden with someone and tried to breathe

i walked my siblings home

i thought i was gonna die

no one even knew

i went home and threw up four or five times

i threw up so much i thought i was gonna suffocate cuz i couldnt catch a breath

my mom didnt even ask why i threw up

so at least its just drinking again

and its not as frequent anyways

fuck i really was doing so good

i swear i was

[spotsupstuff]

another appeal of inkypages is having it be a proper slowburn cuz hear me out

Six is a scum. he hurt Qi Xiaotian and the entire party in shadow play. and Tang is shown to have been concious of what he was forced to be doing to his adoptive son (whether the others were conscious too or not is up for a debate). and, from what ive seen here and there, people kinda rush the whole “the scholar now trusts the shadow 100% and is ready to open his arms wide for the other” which just seems. unfair to Tang as a character. Tang has a strong sense of loyality, hes logical and fucking damnit he loves Xiaotian so fucking much. hes aware that he is no superhuman n so hes cautious around things. for him to accept Six Ear to such length, there has to be a journey explaining the betterment of him

and its so important in my eyes for them to first be just friends outside of the mission after The Weapon and outside of all the stress factors and without being forced to share the same living space. a lot of the relationship progress that happens on the airship is somewhat “minimalized” by the fact that they literally have No Other Choice but stand each other. its okay if something begins there, but for Good Proper Development they should have the choice as characters to do what they want, have a room to make any choices, otherwise it feels like takin two dolls n goin “now kiss!!” (which is fine to do sometimes, dont get me wrong, we gotta get serotonin Somehow, but if u want depth in a ship it, i think, should have something more to it than that)

its mainly the reason why anything inkypages-like happens in fruit twins au so late. theres the entire psychological journey that Six Ear begins on the ship and then theres that month n smth where he Actively by himself sticks around and continues to put effort into his own moral, psychological and emotional development. this month full of work is why Tang gets so surprised by Six not seeing them at least as friends in my fics. the whole WBS mission wouldnt have resulted in that

cuz of multiple reasons, Six didnt really wanna dub any relationship a “friendship” by himself so it was important Tang would initiate the actual evolution of any close relationship by extending his hand with a patient smile and the explanation of Why hes doing this (the whole “I think I like the someone you are becoming.” sentence). next steps have to be taken by both of them so the connection between them would be a healthy one. and That has to take into account Six Ears state as a person

i like to think that... Six is the one who comes forward with the confession of something greater. itd be something quiet, like he sits next to Tang late in the evening, looking over the sea as they are hanging out at Sha Dalis place and says a silent “Im sorry”. because hes gotten better about genuine apologizing- isnt that wonderful? and because the apology doesnt make much concrete sense by itself, he adds “I might have fallen in love with you. If Im understanding myself right.” and i want them to talk about it in detail. nothing gets brushed off. this is about acknowledging everything involved so the consent and agreement can be as clear as tarn ice, because bad communication is starting to be a boring trope to constantly prod

and isnt it just so satisfying to have them hug, so close to each other that their silhouettes basically look like of only one person, and then it dawns on Six that this is all Him. this is possible thanks to him Trying and being Better and being Here and Active where it matters... usually when someone points the sentence “these are consequences of your and Only your actions” its Not Good but hes gotten so far and now the sentence leaves him breathless out of the sheer pride in himself and hes smiling and pulling the human somehow even closer

the OTHER appeal of inkypages is that the moment Tang becomes more certain around Six he WILL throw a chancla RIGHT into his face n that bastard will Not Know what the FUCK just happened at all. it just will not compute in that walnut brain of his n i think that is beautiful

[babysizedfics]

I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

[everythingmustgo]

do tell your stories from psych ward please?

ok I have a lot bc I was there a whole 3 months and ive been remembering things abt it cuz of the time of year

the first ward I was in was the worst like honestly. nasti. it was like living in a waiting room, the sitting room had no sofas just like kinda padded wooden chairs and there were no real activities except "arts nd crafts" which was colouring in (god dont even). also they locked ppl in their rooms sometimes which was scary.

this sounds made up but I swear this was how it happened... the first person who talked to me after I arrived nd decided to go into the sitting room came up to me and asked me "are u happy?". I was still lowkey off my face recovering from an od and didnt kno what to say so I was like .. yes?? and he looked surprised like honestly????? so I was like no?? so he asked why and I must have looked bewildered cuz he was just like u dont wanna talk about it?? ok. and left me alone

the week I was there the ward was locked so we werent allowed out but there was a garden w a big wooden chair everyone called the schizo chair lol. I played cards w this guy who was actually an angel bless him he told me he made a genre of music called space techno and it was his dream to play piano in front of an audience. he made me a card and I have it on my wall.

while I was there there was a documentary on the bbc about how poor the standard of care was at this particular unit and we all sat round and watched it 🤪 it was p unsettling but thankfully I never experienced anything like what they were saying in the documentary and I heard a lot different opinions and experiences from a lot of different patients.

the 2nd ward I was in was nicer and a bit comfier and I met a lot of nice ppl. there was a woman who screamed a lot at night who I sort of became friends but I was a bit scared of her, I remember her letting me sit in the corner w her w all these towels and blankets and a bunch of junk like a pile of rubber bands and a vase and a toast rack??? and we put flowers in plastic bottles for some reason that I cant remember but I kept it by my bed with the sunflowers my parents gave me and we shot rubber bands at eachother which made me laugh and the nurses looked confused af. she let me come into her room and gave me this gross vegan turkey and we lay on the floor w our feet on her bed and looked out the window but I accidentally upset her by saying a word that triggered her and I had to leave her room. she saw me later on and hugged me and said it wasnt my fault.

there was a man who knew everything abt 80s pop like u could say any 80s pop song and hed tell u who sang it and the year and month it came out but he didnt rly understand social boundaries so hed come and hang out while my parents were there a lot. he also wanted to wear my clothes lol

I remembered the other day that I ended up putting my notebook in the shower after I wrote some trauma related stuff which makes me laugh to think about like god what a mental bitch

I was in the last ward in a different hospital like 2 months. it was by far the nicest one lol I had my 20th birthday there and my mum got me a stevie nicks hat and I just wore it around the ward cuz I thought well they think im crazy anyway so whatevs.

I went a progressively off the shits before my birthday (thought I was gonna die before then) and got sectioned twice, wouldnt sleep just paced around my room, stopped taking my meds which once they figured out they considered forcibly injecting me w antipsychs (thankfully they went against this on account of Mad Trauma), stole a butter knife and a pin badge and hid them in my room, got put on constant observation on account of crazy bitch shenanigans etc.

I was so determined to not take my meds that one time I had to fill out some form immediately after being given my meds and I kept it in my mouth the WHOLE TIME they were waiting for me to finish it. by the time they left it had mostly dissolved anyway lol.

I made friends w a woman in the first ward who got transferred to this hospital so it was nice to have someone I knew there. I still see her sometimes, shes from my town (not gon lie half my town was in that ward) and honestly she made the whole experience kind of bearable. she was always writing and playing music for us

there was a nurse there who helped me so much and I love him to bits and miss him every day, he was rly interested in basically preventing young ppl like me from ending up in hospital, he had rly cool tattoos and was bald w a big beard but had this soft irish accent and was rly kind and gentle. I remember him telling me one of the best things he ever did was getting over the hatred of disco music and when hes anxious he puts on disco music and dances lmao. also he taught me doing fake karate when ur anxious helps a lot.

I used to get dominos 2 for Tuesdays with this guy who wore a huge white leather jacket and told me eminem was going to give him a million pounds and he was going to use it to legalise weed and cure HIV and honestly I loved him sm he was real quiet and constantly paced up and down the corridors but he was rly nice to talk to. he hugged me sometimes which was nice too but the nurses werent keen on that

one of the nicest things was that there was a little garden outside this one visiting room and a couple of times my parents brought my dog with them to come see me and I got to sit in the garden and play with him

ok I have way more but this is already so much dkrjfjkkd

[fetus-cakes]

Xenomorph biology

A conversation I had with @palavengarden​ about how the xenomoprhs from the Alien franchise reproduce, any additions are welcome

fair warning, xenomorphs reproduce by injecting their parasitic larva into live human beings and the whole franchise is very unsubtle about this being rape and forced pregnancy, so the discussion is about this topic

charlie: okay but so here is the thing i still dont understand tho even just doing the first 2 movies the queen lays an egg the egg lays penis vagina deepthroat rape crab the  penis vagina deepthroat rape crab lays a smaller egg the smaller egg hatches into a tiny screaming snake which hatches AGAIN and then runs away then suddenly there is a 9 foot tall 15 foot long black monster that wants to eat humans then it takes a nap then if its on a planet instead of in space it wakes from its nap and eats everyone on the planet? builds a house in the warmest place available somehow a queen happens in all this fetus: ok think of it as an insect life cycle egg > larva > nymph > full grown adult likewise, xenomorphs only have one egg everything else is metamorphosis of the same body face rape crab BECOMES chest embryo charlie: no, cuz the rape crab dies after throat fucking you fetus: chest embryo leaves host body and BECOMES full grown adult no it doesn't die it's a shell it MOLTS like cicada shells or tarantula shells heck or a snake skin charlie: okay so egg hatch into a crab crab lives for literally 20 seconds then pukes its self down your throat? fetus: face rape crab is a discarded shell think of the embryo as being inside the crab the crab must stay attached to the face for a few hours to complete the transfer of the embryo charlie: i will resentfull accept this but still 2 more questions 1. why is it that the screamign snake inside the chest doesnt seem to eat anything? it just wants to curl up and take a nap while it grows bigger. the person usually keeps walkign around and just gets a little winded when it sits on their lung fetus: GOOD QUESTION charlie: 2. where does the queen happen in all this fetus: I HAVE ANSWER the embryo needs to stay inside because it's EATING this is where alien will get it's food and if it's a drone, all it will ever eat charlie: you would THINK so but no one seems to know they are chest bursted though the only time ive seen that seemed like maybe their insides were being eaten was in the avp book fetus: because they have been injected with what is basically painkillers charlie: everyone else justs seems fine fetus: this is why the transfer from crab to chest is delicate because the embryo is vulnerable it's to the embryos best interest to NOT be removed before it's ready charlie: the face crab is injecting painkillers or the screaming snake? fetus: face crab injects painkillers into HOST there is a period of time between transfer of embryo and embryo being ready to hatch that the host might be walking around it's for the embryos best interest to not be detected charlie: okay so... the face crab throat fucks you, and its just spitting crazy amoutns of pain killer down your gullet and once your insides are all the way numb and youre a little loopy it pukes the screaming snake into you and since your insides are fucked up with painkiller you dont feel it chomping down and can just continue about youre time, no issue walking and no numb tongue or throat until it breaks yoru sternum, which you CAN feel fetus: you got it charlie: dumb but fine fetus: painkillers are probably not strong enough to prevent someone from noticing their ribcage breaking charlie: i wish that it made your tongue and throat numb fetus: ok so; face rape crab grabs victim, sedates them, transfers embryo and pumps the victim's bloodstream full of anesthesia charlie: okay i accept that grumpily, but i accept it fetus: when transfer is finished the crab falls off and the victim might think they survived charlie: makes sense More or Less fetus: lol why so grumpy charlie: i still think the face crab looks like a whole different animal, not a cicada shell fetus: metamorphosis man ok so the QUEEN charlie: QUEENS AND DRONES PLEASE fetus:  the queen is modeled after ants, bees and termites, so it's a similar process: certain larva are selected by the drones and given the equivalent of Royal Jelly so they'll grow up being able to reproduce like all larva have the POTENTIAL to become queens but only the ones introduced to royal jelly will all others become drones or warriors charlie: okay BUT i know a LOT about bees basically all bees a female with a small handful of stupid males fetus: xenomorphs are technically all females since they all have the potential to become Queens but I guess you could say drones and warriors are sexless and only queens are true females charlie: okay so in alien 2 the one single xenomorph did the whole facehugger THING and scurried away, as normal living in the vents or whatever why did it become a queen and who fucked it to get it to lay eggs? you need at least 2 and you need something to make a queen fetus: WAIT WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN I don't remember that charlie: so just one egg hatched and attached to the dad on the planet, right? and he got evacc'd to the town (or whatever that was) we know from experience that it probably chest bursted within a few hours and scurried into the vents so we should have had 1 drone just eating people unable to lay additional eggs fetus: drone probably went back to mother ship for more eggs it was within walking (driving) distance charlie: and like... carried them? and put them close to humans? fetus: yeah, why not? drones are ONLY concerned with taking care of eggs and queen charlie: then when that one hatched you have 2 drones hell, I'll bet this drone captured humans but them somewhere they couldn't escape and then put the eggs around them ensuring more births did they just by hand carry a shit ton of eggs to the colony until one of them coincidentally was a queen, or did they have to DO something? fetus: royal jelly charlie: okay where tho fetus: whatever the xenomorph equivalent is charlie: okay so in bees fetus: I dunno how they make xenomorph jelly, maybe it's a hormonal excretion drone #1 went and made more drones, until they had enough to make the royal jelly and made a queen charlie: okay fine i checked with the bee expert i remembered royal jelly wrong fetus: what did you think royal jelly did? charlie: no i know what it DOES but i was remembering ti as 'the queen spits out royal jelly, gives it to every single baby, but if she gives a LOT of it to one then it becomes a queen' but no, its something young bees make charlie: all of them so when a young bee hatches and wanders over to the nursery to take care of its sisters its spits a little royal jelly on all of them so yeah okay fine fetus: oh I was remembering royal jelly wrong too then I thought it was scarce charlie: 1 human gets face hugged, the xenomorph goes back to the eggs which it can probably smell on the wind, carries one close to humans, then when the baby hatches and hides in the vents he vomits a bunch of royal jelly in its mouth and it just doesnt stop growing until its a full queen fetus: there you go :D charlie: only possible if its a female xenomorph, though, because every bee you will ever see is always a female the males literally only exist to fuck yougn queens (and die doign it) the queen still couldnt lay eggs though theyd have to just hope that one of the eggs in that ship was male already fetus: oh? why not? charlie: male bees dont fuck the queen in their own hive, thats their mom they are supposed to go out and find virgin queens fetus: well what's to stop xenomorph from being like clownfish and changing their sex based on environmental factors? charlie: the virgin queen fucks one single time then uses that one single time to lay eggs forever fetus: heck, normally I peg aliens as being like whippet lizards: they have developed an entire reproductive cycle without males charlie: because clownfish dont have HIVES fetus: they have harems if I remember correctly though you're right, they DO something to avoid incest charlie: look i spent like 3 months learnign everything about bees and i came out afraid of bees, okay i wanna know what xenomorphs do fetus: HEY I'M LOVING THIS CONVERSATION MAN charlie: technically anyone from that ship would be part of the same 'hive' so they probably wouldnt fuck them though they may well not CARE fetus: THIS IS LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE TOPIC charlie: ;) lets see... okay so to do yours and it woudl make sense it would just be very alien (ha) egg is born, egg is female egg hatches, is female egg develops inside host, is female hatchest again as female a secondary adutl female spits on it, its a queen lays additional egg no sperm anywhere here but MAYBE maybe if the QUEEN spits on a baby it can become male? because the queen oughtta not be able to have any babies until shes fucked shes a virgin queen so maybe the first helper xenomorph catches a human, brings it to the nest holds the human in place THE QUEEN SPITS IN THE HUMAN then when the egg gets lain in the human it eats both human meat and queen spit the queen spit neutrtalizes the painkillers (hence why people in those weird tar traps always seem in pain, where people walkign aorudn with chest bursters seem fine) but the queen spit makes it be born male it fucks her (incest but whatever, aliens) NOW she can lay a million babies ofrever and they capture more humans to make more males thats why its usually a room with only like a handful of humans stuck in it, because you onyl need a couple males after that i think my only leftover complaint is that the babies grow too fast and also nothign seems to eat, a lot of them seem to just murder for fun rather than food fetus: YOU CRACKED THE CODE well, it's established in the first movie that at the very least, alien embryos inside humans drink their blood like a fetus would it's quote possible they eat their organs too so a gestating embryo will take a LOT of resources from its human host and this is actually true to life too: there are several insect, especially fly, species where the maggots will spend their entire time eating but the adults lack an actual digestive tract so alien embryos spend all the time inside the host eating charlie: i probably need to see 1 again, its been a couple years i think fetus: in Alien one, after John Hurt wakes up, he shows signs of pregnancy: he's hungry and nauseous and Ash says he looks anemic charlie: im just thinking about the guy thta chest bursted in 1, how he was walkign around and laughing and felt fine before he suddenly exploded which means to me that it didnt eat the heart or lungs, since he didnt spit up blood and probably slithered into his intenstines before chewing through and maybe going for his nutrient rich liver first its pretty BIG is the thing every bite could easily be fatal so it cant be biting anythign remotely important or he would just instantly die, or start coughing up blood, or lose the ability to walk oh, so i have to see 1 again fetus: I just made a theory; normally embryos would eat the entire host like wasp larva do but embryos are capable of sensing danger so when the embryo burst from John Hurts chest, it realized that it was surrounded by hostiles so it ran away instead of finishing eating him charlie: oh that could be! it would make sense like in Cubed she had hers in her chest for like... nearly a week fetus: because most chestbursters are born surrounded by drones and their hosts are immobilized but aliens are versatile creatures, so they're able to thrive even in less than ideal conditions heck, Alien 1 is probably the WORST case scenario for a drone: born away from the other eggs and the queen ooooh you're right queens have longer gestation period charlie: my strongest memory from 1 is that she put al lthat effort into blowing up the ship and it was getting hot and screaming and flashign lights and shes desperately running to the escape shuttle with her cat and once the place blows she realizes the xenomorph had curled up to take a nap in the only dark queiet place on the whole ship it didnt even seem that aggressive she put so much effort into killing it and its jsut like.. sleepy and slow moving like 'why you bulyl me' 'i am the baby' fetus: I  KNOW!!!! I  FUCKING LOVE THE FIRST MOVIE SO MUCH ALL THE PREGNANCY AND BABY IMAGERY USED FOR HORROR Alien 1 does a better job with pregnancy horror than a lot of horror movies featuring actual human babies or demon babies and you're so right little drone in Ripley's ship just wanted to nap btw do you mind if I put our alien biology lesson into one post? charlie: go for it! have all the fun 'please, im trying to psyche myslef up to becomeing a queen or something, im lonely, im the baby, let me nap' fetus: I'm still laughing that you said Ellen is bullying the alien bully the murderous parasite charlie: SHE IS HE WAS TAKIGN A NAP NOT BOTHERIGN NO ONE he wasnt even hungry at that moment! fetus: he was lonely the loneliest xenomorph charlie: partner says that he thinks the baby is a normal parasite and curls itself up in the stomach, eating your food, until its too large to fit, then bursts out the chest maybe the 'dick' that comes out of the facehugger is the 'head' of the xenomorph and it just drops the rest of the body once its ready to and the reason you cant remove a facehugger is the baby latches on with teeth and fucks you up if you try to pull it off fetus: there you go I was thinking it was more of a tongue than a dick but yeah charlie: okay so random though imagine if when the baby hatched otu of that one dudes chest? what if instead of screamign at it they had said 'so cute!' 'welcome little baby!' ''i love you!' let it crawl up their arm put it in a soft warm little baby bubble in the medical ward gave it snacks and head pets it loves them then you have a 200 pound gigantic xenomorph monster within a few horus somehow who loves you and aggressively protects them FROM SPACE PIRATES fetus: ok but that thing just killed warrant officer Ash wait no, Dallas? what was John Hurt's character name KANE ok so warrant officer Kane is dead and the crew just adopts his murder baby? we go from RIP Kane to Kane? don't know her charlie: well the baby didnt MEAN to hatch from his chest its a baby fetus: the chest was just in the way

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 13 | “STIMULUS CHECK? NO BITCH HERE'S A REALITY CHECK” - Adam

so. its over and im out of the game. i waited a couple hours to write this because i knew i would hurt some feelings if i didnt and if we learnt anything from today its that jake's feelings get hurt real easy and we wouldn't want that would we. i think the reason i have struggled (and likely still will) to get closure is because i don't think this makes sense for jake? i've had some frustrations and some suspicions with jake over the past two rounds but i had no intentions of cutting him any time soon. i am a shield he so desperately needed what is wrong with him. like even if i wanted to cut him how on earth would i have got it done? with what numbers. to use a quote from autumn in the game we played together before but adapted for this instance, "today we learned unless jake feels like the prettiest girl at the dance every minute of every day, you’re not doing enough". now to the fun stuff. i want to just tribute to adam and autumn. adam is someone i was SO sus of at the start but he is a gem. his personality is so vibrant he is a true gem. autumn hill is who i wanna dedicate this to and focus this on. autumn is one of my best allies ever and one of my favourite ORG people ever... what a complete. legend. such a role model to me in my real life, she has taught me to be confident, to back myself and to not take any shit and for that I'm so grateful. i literally am so honoured to call her my friend and i cant wait to meet her in person when she moves to the UK WOOOO. anyway i've also moved on from being 100% self negative. i fought so hard this season i played so so so hard and i fought my way to F8 despite being a threat since F21. i did the damn thing and im proud, and even tho it sucks that all my fighting was cut short by my closest ally i tried my very best and that's all i can do. thank you to the hosts for bringing me back, its been a... journey hehe

I don’t think anyone is ready for this round or at least what’ll come of it... I’m expecting an explosion or a mess given Jakey thinks he’s staying, TJ has been lied to, and hopefully Autumn or Adam leave next... its all a mess. If Jakey goes, I’m planning a 2-2-2 split between Autumn and Adam where we maybe get Autumn out but Adam leaving doesn’t hurt either. 

Well that vote blows... I really thought I had someone that I could navigate this end game with and then it got completely taken away from me. Now, I know I have to do what’s best for my game. And there’s two scenarios I see being possible: 1. Staying with my alliance and voting out Autumn/Adam and then risking that the three Beauties will actually cut someone in that group. 2. I flippy flippy and vote with Autumn (oh dear, I’m actually considering this?) and get Amir out to set myself up with Kendal and Augusto to get to the F3. Amir just told me he has the Beauty idol, so this may be my only shot to get him out of this game. I really need to consider both of these options, because I think this is the round that makes or breaks my entire game.

Having a mental breakdown over the fact that I’m probably gonna lose jakeys friendship And even tho our friendship was 100% real and I love him so much he’s gonna think it was all fake

https://66.media.tumblr.com/0d8a51f03cf584de6183ffd755b60d02/tumblr_nsvsd4arRn1rrcjuxo1_r1_400.gifv

Not a single person in this game has ever wanted to go to the end with me except for kendall Jakeys trying to take her out right now and i want to keep jakey in the game so bad but 4 people want him out so bad and the only way to save him is with my idol and i want to keep my idol and i want to keep a relationship with kendall but augusto will know that its my idol that saved jakey so my entire game will be blown the fuck up so i have to just let him go strategically, Since jakey is leaving, i wanna try and make sure adam is next because hes the strongest competitor that will be left and if i make it to five and four i need to win comps. Okay I need to actually strategize lmao so after this vote if it goes as expected I believe autumn has the idol, just based on how she was behaving Her and adam and me are afraid of tj kendall Augusto final 3, however, if that does become a final 3, I can force it out of kendall, so as long as Adam and autumn do not win immunity, we can split the vote on them, or just 3 beauties vote together strong. I’m also using autumn and Adams target on tj to make tj want them out even more, so next round, autumn and adam vs tj is a thing, and the 3 beauties can be safe as long as it doesn’t tie, and if worst comes to worst, I still have my idol, which can get me in the final 5 but I really really want to save my idol for final 5 

JAKEY GETS VOTED OUT

So here’s my dilemma for the round: I basically started the Adam name with Amir. I would prefer to go with that because I don’t know if I can beat Adam at the end. The problem with this though is that I don’t want to lose Jakey if he’s so for getting rid of Kendall. So where is the middle ground here?

So I think tonight is going to be my night. I have a lot of power right now in this game oddly enough. Are people potentially going for me, yeah, but I'm going to be safe which means I probably have enough room to screw up whoever's plan I would like to. Amir wants to do a 2-2-2 split, which I can easily screw up if I get Adam and Autumn on my side (which I see possibly happening). I can more than likely convince Autumn she doesn't need to play an idol if she's the vote (maybe on that one). And I know Adam wants to make a move with me saying Augusto is trying to get the vote on me or Autumn, which shows my concern that the three Beauties are at least locked to final four (I don't think they'd all take one another, but I don't think they'll turn on one another just yet). So now, here's where I may be able to take a stand and put myself in a spot where I may have some control. I need that one move that is at the top of my resume... can this be the one? Question is: what the hell is that move?

I was really confident last night we had a good plan set up but today I dont know why in my gut i feel like im about to be voted out, i dont want to be a pessimist but im just making this so i dont feel like a *complete* fool so um yeah...... we're about to go to tribal in a matter of minutes, autumn isnt playing the idol so im gonna feel real dumb if i gave it to her and she screws me over, but i did my work, and at this point all i can do is sit and keep my fingers crossed things go my way, but trust and believe even if im voted out yall will see ONE final confessional from me dragging them left and right. 

Okay back to this game, so basically, I do not trust anyone at this current moment not a single person except maybe kendall, this is the most wild vote I have ever ! I think I’m getting bamboozled literally, OKAY OKAY OKAY so Augusto tells adam that he wants to do autumn, Adam tells me and autumn that, we talk to autumn, autumn gets tj on board. From my perception, autumn and adam should be believe that us 4 are voting Augusto and leaving kendall out of it. But then tj and I already told Augusto that plan, and the real plan is to 2-2-2 them, Incase one of them plays an idol. But I have so much fear from the things that tj has been telling Augusto about his fear of my idol and me being at final 5 and 4, and also telling me he’s scared Theres no cracks in the beauty alliance, so he might actually agree to that plan with us and then 3-2-1 me by telling them everything because he literally could do that And then whoever wins immunity is going to change everything even more, because of one of them wins, the other can play the idol on themselves which is a whole ass mess in itself, and right now, it just comes down to if I trust tj and Augusto . R they telling me the truth or are they lying ? Like I’m dkdjdjnd kdndkdnd Anyway, I probs am playing my idol today cuz I don’t wanna look like booboo the fool but also we love risks, so I might just not play my idol, idk idk it depends who wins immunity and it depends on the vibe I get from tj moving foreward 

So I haven't really been making confessionals... In my defense I have been busy but that doesn't mean I haven't been active... So I have a final 2 deal with everyone in the cast sans Autumn. I have a deal with TJ, I have a deal with Augusto and I have a deal with Amir. And as much as it sucks I am going to stick to Augusto and Amir. Sorry TJ you are a good bean but I don't want to lose to you. 

Should I blame the whole plan on tj http://prntscr.com/ss4sie

i didnt make a confessional before the live since i wasnt sure what the HELL was gonna happen so hello coming to you LIVE from the afterlife because yall didnt THINK you could fly me off this island without one last adam rant for the season did you? for the first time in all 3 times ive played actually....feeling some type of way over being voted out, maybe it's just because of quarantine and having literally nothing better to do, but i took this game seriously and i tried my damndest. I think my fatal mistake was trying too hard (or maybe not enough?) today with certain people, i was trying to play them all and my biggest fear of them either comparing notes and catching on, or they just didnt want to hear me out, ALSO THE TWIST PLEASEEEEEE im kinda glad if i went out it was kinda just....in that big bang of a mess, i mean, a legacy advantage and an idol being played AND wasted? ugh i really had the gals and gays shook and bothered!! because at least now i can blame that to feel slightly better about myself, because trust and believe if i had even just TEN MINUTES to strategize i think i couldve convinced autumn to use our idol on me because i had a feeling in my gut it was coming especially with how silent it was, i also regret not CAUSING A DAMN SCENE. I HAD 10 MINUTES TO SAVE MYSELF AND I REALLY LET MYSELF BELIEVE I WAS IN THE CLEAR AND NOW IM CLEAR-LY OUT THE GAME. foolish man. (foolish man being ME). but whatever. at least i got to clear my name from THOSE DAMN BEAUTYS, I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA BE MY UNDOING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER SINCE DAY 7. im not entirely bitter at anyone for lying to me since i was lying just as much, but ultimately i feel like for the entire season i did the best with what i had. I could be a complete fool but even now that im out of the game i STILL stand by what i said with how i feel like i played with my back against the wall for most of the game and i felt like it was truly SO hard getting people to want to work with me especially early on and FOR WHAT REASON? but whatever, it made the game interesting to me at least because i felt like they wrote me off, so i wrote my own ending. and clearly it wasnt the ending i wanted, but im surprisingly at peace with it in a weird way even just as im typing it out, i feel like for the first time in my tumblr survivor career i didnt just sit back and do nothing, i got to get my hands a little dirty, be apart of some good plays, and according to ali i actually did have some sort of a shot at winning r i p, im a really competitive person (the downside of being an aries) so the fact that i even got to play the game and enjoy making moves, i know i tried my best and that's what matters in the end!!! Also not to toot my own horn but im VERY happy i can at least say im happy with my  finishes being 3rd, 5th, 6th.. not bad for a girl with no talent! not me realizing with me getting 6th place and all these idols/advantages coming out i almost had a cirie game changers moment... ugh even more iconic. anywho AUTUMN IS THE ONLY ONE I WANT TO WIN SO SHE BETTER DO THE DAMN THING. 

hey you guys, it's me adam coming to you from post tribal where i was just voted ou- what? huh?? they didnt vote me OUT??? gorl what in the 2020 is going on here because i was shocked, i mean im THRILLED, the devil works hard but i work harder (autumn too ofc she probably did more than me actually DKJSA) - BUT im a little in awe because guess what this is the FIRST time i really just had to trust the people i have been talking with and they didnt screw me over, yet at least, i know jake was just a universal threat especially after the little stunt he pulled... so now my thoughts on that, ill tell you i was ready to go into tribal and for him to try and verbally murder me on his way out, so im glad he didnt do that but im always ready to fight so i wouldve loved the drama. kinda sad we didnt get it SDJKAF but all in all, i was all for working with jake to take down that other side, but if youre gonna burn me you better prepare for the inferno im gonna fire back, and sure the others couldve just wanted jake gone for their own plans, but i think me and autumn absolutely did THAT and thats that on that. I knew TJ was going to vote for me thanks to Kendall because me and her have truly bonded over wanting to get jake out this round for throwing both of our games into chaos, and guess what, while me and kendall may not have been talking as much before, im about to get REAL buddy buddy with her she's suddenly my bestie boo because now that we're at 6? game on. I want kendall in the end with me and i need to keep convincing her that she needs me with her and ill vote with her, and i think she's interested in it unless she's playing me because she did give me that TJ tea, which love tj as a person im actually not mad, he will just need to be voted off next still if i have anything to do with it OOP. He doesn't really fit into any of my plans, plus he's officially the only person to vote for me now except for either liam or the prejury? probably the pre jury, so now i know i probably cant trust him, but getting amir out next could also be the move, it all really depends on immunity, im gonna keep up on my appearences, get my princess diana wave on and be bestie boos with as many people as i can because my strategy at this point is to just make sure everyone believes they need me around, im not a THREAT im here to HELP you, but ultimately im only looking out for my best interest like hello its the game, and autumns too for now because she still has that idol that we can play to benefit both of us, so who the hell knows what's gonna happen live tomorrow but bring it on because im ready for a battle 

So now that that's done and I'm cute and immune, I can confirm it all. Yes I do have the merge idol, yes I've had it since Final 7 but planned not to play it until Final 5, and yes that makes me the most powerful person here. Deadass everyone wants my head on a stick and I don't give a single fuck. I'm chilling all weekend, letting them think they're doing something if/when I lose win immunity, and then I'm sending a man out on one vote Monday night. You think they hate me now? Wait til they find out they can't take a shot at me until Final 4 lmaaaaoo. Be blessed!

[beamkazoo]

talk about 15, 36, 40

ah thank you so much for asking in! (calling in? can i call it that? it sounds like a fun radio host thing, so i wanna)15: Talk about the time you were most content in life. pff uhhhhhh thats a hard one. probably when i was a lil kid? so i dont remember it that well... it involved a lot of persona 3 fes, on the ps2. i dont know how i beat that game without direct party member control but i sure did! i still remember my first team even, it was yukari, koromaru, and aigis. p decent setup if i do say so! u go lil me.besides that sort of thing nothing really immediately jumps to mind though. kids just dont tend to have much to worry about, i guess? or at least i didnt, for the most part.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.well the first thing that comes to mind is the saw sequels. ill defend the first saw as a genuinely good film, thats not what im talking about here. im talking like. the rest of them. theyre bad and poorly acted and convoluted and all that. but like. theyre so over the top and ridiculous, i cant help but enjoy them whenever theyre on! like, the scene in, i think its like saw 6 or something, where (gore tw) the guy has to like, jab the meat hook in his pec and hoist himself up to the ceiling to save this girl from some dumbass deathtrap? RIDICULOUS. im laughing the whole time. like, my dude, my man, why not just. CLIMB THE CHAIN?? use the hook as a foothold its so easy lmao. god those movies are stupid. but i love em anyway40: Talk about the end of something in your life.hmm well, how about the end of living in new york? i used to live in ny (not the city, just the state, ive actually never been to nyc because idk i guess i suck like that). but so, backstory, as a kid my dad went up to idaho a lot, cuz he had family there, and he fuckin loves the place. mountains just really get his jollies rockin i guess. so, the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school, my family went on vacation (i want to say boston? not positive). and he and my mom plop my sister and me down in the middle of our vacation and said “so hey, how would you kids like to move from new york to idaho?” and my sister and i were like “oh god, wow, no, i am uhhhh very against that, vehemently so, please lets not do that” so a few months later we moved to idaho. by car! which translates to three 10+ hours, in the car, which was Awesome (it was not awesome). and THEN, when we finally get to idaho (early december), there was some issue with the people living in the house we were supposed to move into, and they werent ready to leave yet, so we spent like two or three weeks living in a hotel room. we had to wrap xmas presents by just, “hey turn your back for ten minutes”. i have a distinct memory of eating fruit cake in this room, for some reason. we FINALLY got into the house on dec 23, and so we spent xmas sitting on boxes opening other boxes, and that absolutely was the shittiest xmas of my life because i was too busy bawling my fuckin eyes out over moving cross-country and leaving all my everything behind to really get into the holiday cheer. plus side i got to miss a few weeks of school i guess?

[mori-sketchbook]

:333333 every one of those questions for both you and Andras.

sometimes meesh….. somtimes

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

closed! they are full length mirros

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

only when super tanned

(3) Can You Whistle?

nope *cries*

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

All Star, which i normally cant stand cuz it gets stuck in my head like no ones business but this was a surprisingly good cover

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

i usually default to maroon/burgundy but i think gold is inching into first place

(6) Relationship Status.

engaged

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

15′C but muggy as all hell

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

oh boy did i

(9) How Many Followers?

1,129

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Sagittarius

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

blue but with marbley grey

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

yes, but i should take more tbh

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

yeah but i never remember the words so just mumble along

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

Half Blood Prince audio book

fun(ish) fact, i was super into reading until the good ol’ depression killed my ability to read so i started listening to audio books recently as a part of my therapy and the harry potter series has a very clear ramp up in difficulty as they age so i figured it’d be a great way of working my way up again

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

There is one, and only one, advantage to somebody who cannot play the violin insisting on doing so anyway, and the advantage is that they often play so loudly that they cannot hear if the audience is having a conversation.

(16) Favourite Anime?

Shirokuma Cafe!

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

Kaedian :’>

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

movie props!

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

a little pizza~

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

i can barely sit in a car im so tall let alone dance

(21) Favourite Animal?

sometimes sharks, sometimes octopi, sometimes armadillos

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

opening cermonies and anything with beefy ladies *cough*

oh and archery!

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

aim for 11/12 but as for actually falling asleep…..

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

only a little, not been taking care of myself lately tbh

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

pool maybe? but id rather just sit and look at the ocean

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

eh?? no real fave but Clients from Hell is always a good read

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

neither

(28) What Makes You Happy?

*stares into the camera*

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

if im taking stuff in, with music, if im writing stuff down, without

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

doggos but i do love cats too

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

some weird offshoot pastel grey

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

i guess playstation, i;ve owned a ps1/ps2/psp but no xbox

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

if we’re talking idyllic waterfall lagoon from some fantasy book then lake, if not then neither pls

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

grey NASA tee

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

no it confuses me how people have control over those muscles (ears too wtf)

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

i go through periods of saving then periods of spending

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

 a lighter

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

i guess the history of Hyperion (Borderlands) and the departments in the Ministry (Harry Potter)

i tend to hyper focus one aspect rather than a franchise as a whole

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

only to save, leave them be pls

(42)Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

initially yeah but then those people quickly become an annoyance and everything they do annoys me

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

i have the blandest dreams ever as can be seen here

(44)Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

i dont dislike them but the longer the flight the more claustro i get

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Up, in the cinema, front row with my crying friends, you know the scene

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

sunflower seeds pls

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

it was a life goal to see David Bowie in concert :’

i guess either Pulp if they ever toured again or just whoever puts on the best show

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

ill try anything in a restaurant but at home with everyday meals i am put off by food a whole bunch

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

maybe??? its hell to get me to sleep but once im out i think i stay out pretty well

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

no i LOVE it

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

in theory…

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

pls no

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

pumpkins i guess but not by much

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Mariner’s Revenge - Decemberists

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

summerino

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

i can still taste that pizza so im good for the moment, it will be chocolate tho, its always chocolate

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

no that’s weird

(58) What Is Your Gender?

…..nope

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

Coffee~

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

nothing official

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

Pansexual/Polyamorous

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

not even a little :’>

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

(64) Favourite Social Media?

i tend to avoid it really, i dont wanna know what ur doing sorry

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

i dont even know what they are? if theyre the same as snapchat stories then??? theyre fine i guess

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

not so much homesick as “omg i need to get home im having a panic attack”

(67) Are You A Virgin?

nop

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

original source i think?? just get whatever

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Car for sure

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

nope

(71) Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

it was Atomic Blonde until i heard about all the queer baiting and shit, and i would’ve watched it regardless cuz kickass older woman beating people up but theres enough violence against queer people as it is

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

would you like to pick between, abusive ex number 1, abusive ex number 2, friend who we got together cuz we were being pressured by friends and realised we were just friends, ex who was obsessed with me and i didn’t feel anything for but you’re too young to realise that shit aint love, ex who was so torn up about his sexuality he seemed to genuinely fear admitting it or the ex who i never technically got together with but was in love with but had no idea how to go about it cuz “healthy” and “relationshop” where not two words that belonged in the same sentence according to past experience

honestly the best relationship i ever had before Kae was just a friend who was there for me after being abused and we fucked from time to time and there was no “going out” aspect to drag us down

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

shrug, never been one for quotes

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

green i guess?? gimmi unnatural contacts, they can be sexy, i never see a natural eye colour and think “i wanna bone that” tho

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

dont have a question about sexiness followed by a question about swinging and expect my brain not to go there

but yes swings are the best i love them

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

leetle pizza

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

WoW companion App is the closest to a game, D&D character sheet app too

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

wtf yes???

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

ask me if ive been OFF the computer for 5 hours straight

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

no i actively avoid most of those sites, tumblr is the closest but i tend to follow the art only blogs of people anyway

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

in theory???? but generally no

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

i do, always at least 2, a spinning ring for anxiety and a spiral copper band. will wear more if feeling fancy

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

bed is on a mezzanine but the other doors are clsoed

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

walked the doggo, talked to landlord, avoided a withheld number who was ringing for like a solid 5 minutes leave me alone

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

i just take off my jeans and sleep in that

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

ughhh soap scrubs, face cream, sea salt hairspray, coconut oil…errr makeup/nail varnish i guess i dunno

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

is neither an option

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

*groans* n-no thats way too much effort

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

i dreamed a was in a shop (well.. it was a white void with a single shelf) and i picked up a mug and looked at it. that was it. the endand it was a couple months ago

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

hmmm cherry coke or fanta

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

audible ones

crunchy leaves are good? OMG wait no that echoing ice crack sound on massive lakes that stuff is the best

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

jeans

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

exhausted

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

if only i knew

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

hmmm ive considered my sigils but the act of marking them on my skin is a whole part of the process for me so maybe not, geometric stiff is my jam tho, i dont like “picture” tattoos

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

[primadonnatartuffe]

-- impenetrableVitality [IV] began pestering primadonnaTartuffe [PT] at 17:32 -- 

IV: ryan 

IV: actually nevermind 

-- impenetrableVitality [IV] gave up pestering primadonnaTartuffe [PT] at 17:34 -- 

-- primadonnaTartuffe [PT] began pestering impenetrableVitality [IV] at 17:34 --  

PT: um NO you cant just pull that shit. 

PT: once you got me youre stuck with me. 

PT: whats up finnberly???

IV: oh uh 

IV: i don't know

PT: k... 

PT: well i wanna chat anyway. 

PT: im having a pretty choice day today. :100: :ok_hand:

PT: sipping this drank of the cafe variety. :coffee:

IV: that's good 

IV: do you mean coffee

PT: yessiree. courtesy of the coffee can. i fuckin love this place.

IV: where is it though

PT: downtown on skaia. around where my usual haunts are.

IV: is that place 

IV: like 

IV: okay

PT: liiiike? safe?? is that what youre asking?

IV: yeah i guess

PT: its all good in this hood. :heart:

IV: are you by yourself

PT: yeeees. currently.

IV: are you eating anything 

IV: are you by yourself by yourself or by yourself with people around

PT: there are people around yeah. in the restaurant. 

PT: otherwise its just me and mr coffee.

IV: maybe ask a few people if they know cpr

PT: finn... baby... 

PT: im not gonna choke on my coffee.

IV: no i mean just in case

IV: it might be good

PT: in case of what?

IV: in case there's 

IV: i don't know 

IV: a cardiac emergency 

IV: do they have an aed there 

IV: maybe you should make sure they do

PT: finn... 

PT: are you alright sweetie? you seem like youre freaking out a little.

IV: i'm fine 

IV: i just think it's important that people are educated

PT: it sure is!!! but i think its fine.

IV: well it's easy to think that

IV: i just want to make sure

PT: of course. no problemo. 

PT: but hey lets talk about something else!!! 

PT: guess what happened to me last night.

IV: are you okay

PT: yes FINN. im great in fact. :blush:

IV: oh

IV: are you sure

PT: YES FINN!!!!!!!

PT: this is me trying to share GOOD news.

IV: okay tell me

PT: well. 

PT: well well WELL well WELL.

PT: me and jack are kiiiinda back together.

IV: oh

IV: wow

IV: that's great

PT: I KNOW RIGHT.

IV: is he okay

PT: shit he better be amazing cuz hes got me.

IV: you have a point

PT: I KNOW RIGHT.

IV: right

PT: in general tho he seems fine.

IV: they have an aed

PT: what??

IV: i called the place

IV: they have one

IV: in case you were wondering

PT: ... 

PT: umm okay i wasnt but... 

PT: are you sure youre alright??

IV: do you know how to use one IV: that's okay it tells you how to use one anyway

IV: it literally talks to you

PT: :confused:

PT: okay i definitely know youre not alright cuz youre ignoring me!!!!

IV: no i just need to tell you that

IV: it's by the bathroom

PT: duly noted. 

PT: finnnnn.

IV: yeah

PT: talk to me. youre acting weird.

IV: 30 chest compressions 2 rescue breaths 

IV: you can use it for a lot of things  

IV: maybe the people around you should know too

PT: I DIDNT MEAN TALK TO ME ABOUT THAT.

IV: sorry

IV: oh you have to open the airway too don't forget that

PT: mmmmmmmoh my god.

IV: does jack know

IV: i should tell him

PT: youre starting to worry me... 

PT: dont make me call colt.

IV: you don't need to call him he's fine 

IV: i'm fine 

IV: it's fine

PT: are you sure something isnt going on??

IV: i don't know

PT: tell me whats going on in your head right now.

IV: i don't know 

IV: i'm

IV: this was a mistake

IV: another one on top of another one that everybody saw coming

PT: nooo baby its fine.

PT: you fuss at me just lemme fuss at you. 

PT: its the law of equivalent friend exchange.

IV: he was right the whole time

IV: what am i doing

PT: who?? ill fight him.

IV: i'm not really different am all am i 

IV: i'm just 

IV: doing the same things

PT: :frowning2:

IV: i'll probably ruin her life and think i'm helping her but i'm not

IV: i have to go

-- impenetrableVitality [IV] gave up pestering primadonnaTartuffe [PT] at 20:36 --

-- primadonnaTartuffe [PT] began pestering impenetrableVitality [IV] at 20:38 --  

PT: no you dont!! hey! 

PT: finn listen. 

PT: you can talk to me alright? 

PT: if you feel like a fuck up just know youre talking to the Ultimate fuck up so im the last person who would ever judge you for whatever is going on in your head. 

PT: i wanna listen... i wanna be more helpful... 

PT: come on. please?

IV: i need to go i have to

IV: i have to stop doing this

IV: i have to stop

PT: hey hey. 

PT: it doesnt work that way alright?? 

PT: shit happens sometimes. 

PT: but it passes too... yeah? 

PT: i fucked up last night too finn. 

PT: i started drinking again... but i know for a fact it couldve wound up way worse. 

PT: and im okay! im gonna be okay even if i slipped up. you know what i mean? its the same with you.

IV: i brought an innocent life into all of my shit 

IV: i have to make sure she's safe 

IV: she's not safe with me

PT: baby youre doing a great job with her!! anybody can see that. 

PT: just because youre sick doesnt mean you gotta stop living your life. 

PT: youve got friends whove got your back... and theres nothing wrong with that. 

PT: shit i mean we were all basically raised by our parents friends along with our parents too right??? shes got the same kind of environment. i cant think of any place safer than where she is right now.

IV: i don't know 

IV: i don't want to keep hurting people

PT: i know... it sucks. 

PT: but its gonna be okay. i promise.

IV: fuck

PT: yeah let all your fucks out.

IV: i think i need help 

IV: i'm by myself right now 

IV: well me and sofia 

IV: i think i

IV: need to

IV: something i don't know

PT: well hey i can come over if you want.

IV: please

PT: okay gimme like... 45 mins or so since colts gotta live in the middle of bfe. 

PT: ill be RIGHT over. hang in there.

IV: okay the door is IV: is it locked or unlocked 

IV: i should know this 

IV: oh no

PT: i figure colt locks the door when he leaves. so just lemme in when i get there! 

PT: okay message me if you need to but im omw. 

RYAN: -pockets her device, fleeing the coffee shop and making her way to the transportalizer hub. with a quick zap she's on odimist, but the longer neck of her journey is getting a cab out to colt's place. she arrives at her estimated time... give or take a few minutes, but probably give, but of course no one can ever arrive early during emergencies. still, she's here, and she's knocking on the door while also texting finn that she's here.-

FINN: -his fingers feel numb and so do his his toes and so does his mouth in a weird way, but that's probably due to how messed up his breathing is. he's terrified he's going to drop sofia, that his arms will just give out from underneath her, so it's taking him a long time to get to the door-

RYAN: -that's fine... she can be patient... but not really. she peeps through the front window to see if she can spot him anywhere inside.-

FINN: -she can. He's mostly still other than the tiny steps he's taking and the steps he's taking backwards before he goes forward again. it makes sense in his head,  somehow-

RYAN: -frowns through the window at him. does she wait? does she try something else? she's REALLY not good at this, but dammit she's trying. she taps on the window now?? maybe that'll snap him out of it long enough to get her in there.-

FINN: -he looks up suddenly at the window tapping and has an expression of embarrassment on his face before he looks around frantically and just holds sofia closer as he goes to open the door. Finally, the door opens-

RYAN: -SUCCESS. she scurries over, looking up at him with big concerned eyes.- heeey buddy. 

RYAN: im here now.

FINN: hi 

FINN: sorry

RYAN: -flaps a hand- its all good. 

RYAN: hey sofia. -smiles a little at her and then kinda dances around finn to get inside.-

SOFIA: -stares at Ryan- 

FINN: -just looks really frazzled- i uh 

FINN: um

RYAN: -puts a hand on his back and starts rubbing in small circles.- shhh its cool. 

RYAN: maybe we should sit down??

FINN: -he takes a moment and nods before looking down at the baby again- yeah probably

RYAN: -starts guiding him to the couch.- alright alright alriiiight. 

RYAN: -plops down and plops her hand on the cushion next to her.-

FINN: -sits carefully- 

FINN: i need to wash my hands 

FINN: you need to wash your hands

RYAN: huh?? oh... because of the baby? 

RYAN: i can do that now... then we can trade off and you can go wash your hands?

FINN: do you remember how to hold her RYAN: yeah yeah of course. -gets up and scurries over to the kitchen to wash her hands in the sink, quickly returning to them.-

RYAN: okay i got this.

FINN: -he looks so worried but he carefully hands her over to ryan- you got her RYAN: i got her finn. i promise. -coos at the baby as she takes her.-

RYAN: hi again sofia. did you miss me? FINN: -watches the two of them as he leaves the room and bumps into the wall before disappearing into the kitchen to wash his hands. he returns after a few minutes.- maybe we should change 

SOFIA: -subtly wiggles- RYAN: nah... besides were all cozy here right? -snuggles sofia- we can relax. FINN: maybe we should though 

FINN: just in case 

FINN: the fabric is laced with deadly germs RYAN: -gazes at him a little bit- yeah... nah... that doesnt just happen. i think its cool. FINN: remember smallpox blankets RYAN: ... noooo?? FINN: it was a thing

RYAN: well thats cool but! pretty sure were good.

RYAN: lets talk about something else okay?

FINN: -sits back down and his fingers are digging into the couch cushion- RYAN: ...

RYAN: actually i think im gonna sing something.

RYAN: what do you wanna hear baby?

FINN: who RYAN: you. the bigger baby. FINN: oh

FINN: i don't think i have a great taste in music RYAN: okay i know youre tone deaf but you can still like music. everybody does.

RYAN: but alright leave it to me.

RYAN: just focus on listening alright? FINN: okay RYAN: -takes a breath- i know i havent been perfect but give it some time.

RYAN: cuz not a single day goes by where you dont cross my mind.

RYAN: and we spend our lives looking for things we cant find.

RYAN: oh but not a single day goes by where you dont cross my mind.

RYAN: all the days you spend on my mind.

RYAN: all the times that id say that well be together. well be together oh.

RYAN: all the ways you see through my heart.

RYAN: i know the good intentions they won't last forever wont last forever.

FINN: -listens to her sing and watches her, trying to focus on her voice and not anything else. it's beautiful- 

SOFIA: -YAAAAAS this is great. she gurgles-

RYAN: -smiles down at sofia.- all the hours weve spent on the line.

RYAN: all the times that youd say that i never listen i never listen

RYAN: through the conversations weve had til 4 am.

RYAN: you say you want something different want something different.

RYAN: and i know i havent been perfect but give it some time.

RYAN: cuz not a single day goes by where you dont cross my mind.

RYAN: and we spend our lives looking for things we cant find.

RYAN: oh but not a single day goes by where you dont cross my mind. -looks over at finn when she's done.-

FINN: -he looks calmer now. If not just a little- that was 

FINN: really nice

RYAN: -smiles softly.- yeah i know haha. 

RYAN: thanks man.

SOFIA: aaaaa 

FINN: did you just inherit a good singing voice

RYAN: haha i mean kinda? but it takes a lot of training too.

FINN: i think i'm untrainable

RYAN: i mean... we cant ALL be fabulous singers.

FINN: that would probably get a little annoying

RYAN: yeah man. i wouldnt feel very special haha... singing is basically all im good at.

FINN: that's not true 

SOFIA: nnnnn

RYAN: -bounces sofia a little in her arms, cooing at her.- 

RYAN: well i never pass up the opportunity to hear about myself sooo tell me what else im good at. :wink:

SOFIA: -wow this is the best time of her life- 

FINN: it's a long list but okay 

FINN: good at livening up a party good at being a good friend good at doing hair and makeup good at acting good with sofia good at not giving up

RYAN: -oh... dammit. why does she ask this stuff if she doesn't want sappy sentimental answers? she laughs a little and sighs.- ... thanks finn.

FINN: you're welcome 

 FINN: it's true

RYAN: -sniff... ugh. she's been feeling an awful lot of emotions these past couple days. she didn't ASK for this. accepting genuine, heartfelt compliments is hard so she tries to just focus on one. one thing she's curious about.- 

RYAN: you think im good with sofia?

FINN: well yeah FINN: -his expression softens- you're kind of a natural FINN: she loves you

RYAN: well the feeling is mutual sofia. -grins lopsided at her.- 

RYAN: i do kinda... like kids more than i would expect if someone like me. i dunno...

SOFIA: -good bitch you better love me- 

FINN: that's why assumptions are stupid

RYAN: troo. 

RYAN: ... maybe id have fun being a mom.

FINN: you can babysit her sometime if you want

RYAN: yeah? alright. 

RYAN: just call me whenever. not like im ever busy.

FINN: come on you have to be busy sometimes

RYAN: busy being SEXY sure.

FINN: -smiles a little- entertaining jack is that time consuming huh

RYAN: PFF no way i make him entertain me. 

RYAN: i only have to rely on my sexy personality around him since he cant see shit.

FINN: oh yes makes perfect sense

RYAN: -snickers- ... you know its kind of surreal. 

RYAN: like how naturally we kinda fell into it but... 

RYAN: -sighs- were both scared too?? and thats like... a reality of the situation we arent sure how to deal with. does that make sense??

FINN: -looks off for a moment- i know exactly what you mean

RYAN: yeah... 

RYAN: i just want it to work.

RYAN: i really feel like it could if i just... knew what to do.

FINN: -he looks off- yeah 

FINN: i uh 

FINN: i get it 

FINN: i might be going through the same thing

RYAN: -glances at him- yeah?

FINN: -his cheeks redden a little bit- yeah

RYAN: :eyes:

FINN: -scratches his head nervously- yeah i 

 FINN: saw emilet again

RYAN: oh reeeeally?

FINN: -HE'S SO RED- yeah 

FINN: i did -he saw a LOT of emilet-

RYAN: heheh aww finn. always getting up to something. 

RYAN: guess this means we can flail at each other while we flounder through familiar but tumultuous waters. 

 RYAN: be my lifeboat hombre.

FINN: okay

FINN: if you'll be mine

RYAN: -smiles, soft and sincere.- of course.

FINN: -smiles a little, taking a breath- colt's not 

FINN: too happy about it 

FINN: but things are different this time

RYAN: hes a grumpy gus anyway. 

RYAN: ... a neigh sayer if you will. 

RYAN: but man whatever floobs your boobs. even if it isnt different its your decision to make you know?

FINN: -he nods- you know the person that just 

FINN: you're with them and you know they're important to you 

FINN: then you're away from them 

FINN: and then when you're back in the same room you realize they were always the most important person to you a ll along

RYAN: -she laughs a little.- shit i mean yeah. 

RYAN: except for me its more like i definitely repressed all those feelings like every day until we were in the same room together. 

RYAN: and hes looking so different but so good and its like. 

RYAN: well fuck me i guess. 

RYAN: in every sense.

FINN: -laughs a little too- been there done that

RYAN: come on finn that goes without saying. 

RYAN: youre like the sluttiest person i know. and thats coming from ME.

FINN: -just slowly shrugs and smiles-

RYAN: -SNRRRKKK- goddammit finn!! -elbows him as best she can with a baby in her arms.-

FINN: ow hey 

FINN: you're the most violent person i know

RYAN: thats right bitch. ill fuck you up.

FINN: not with her you won't

RYAN: damn... true.

SOFIA: -whines a little and scrunches up her face-

RYAN: aw sofia im not really gonna fuck him up. 

RYAN: (im just telling her that to relax her.) -snickers and bounces her a little though.- 

RYAN: you think shes tired?

SOFIA: -starts to cry. life is hard- 

FINN: that or hungry or she needs to be changed 

 FINN: that girl can eat 

FINN: que paso sofia

RYAN: oh shit. good. 

RYAN: youre a growin girl. -smiles at finn, glad he's really calmed down now.- 

RYAN: want her back?

FINN: -puts his arms out- yeah sure 

FINN: she's probably tired 

SOFIA: -she's tired and upset about it-

RYAN: bet youre tired too. -hands sofia off to him carefully.-

FINN: -takes this cute little sad baby into his arms and he feels so much better about it than he did before- yeah 

FINN: but she has to sleep first

RYAN: naturally. 

RYAN: ... can i come with you when you put her to bed? -strangely curious about this routine.-

FINN: -looks over at ryan for a moment and then smiles- sure

RYAN: cool. cool cool cool. -smiles a little back-

FINN: -stands up and shooshes sofia- follow me

RYAN: -rises to her feet, hovering closely- :eyes:

FINN: -walks into sofia's room where he flips on the light. this is such a baby room, with a lot of pastel colors and a very secure crib. there are a lot of stuffed animals in the crib, but not so much that it affects her sleeping. his first stop is the changing table, where he takes the crying baby and sets her down- don't feel obligated to watch this part

[watahbufala]

these questions are from @classesandaspects and are from this post

Aspect questions:

Which aspect(s) are you drawn to?: well im drawn to a few and i thought i should actually explain them. first off im probably drawn twords void allot just cuz i really love the void aesthetic, like big dark rooms, or like dystopian future style dark almost unimaginably big buildings (theres also the fact ive loved all the void players and thought they were rad), im also drawn twords the space aspect of course. space is something i really like in general, like its this huge dark lonely vacuum thats both comforting and makes me not feel so great about life. im also a creative person who tends to have issues with dimensions, and i love to explore things (i do a bit of urban exploration stuff allot) also the colors would look great with most god tier outfits. im drawn to time as well for its connection to mechanical things and death. i mean i think everyones a bit connected to death but im pretty numb to the idea and such. i dont really get to depressed when people i love die cuz i know its their time and everyone has to pass at some point. i also tend to connect with the heart aspect allot cuz it has to do with self image and such (but i think self image has to do allot with space as well). im also kinda drawn twords breath and mind just because i get breath allot on tests and love the pyropes

What drives you? What motivates you?: this is a big question for me. i tend to think that the future and what it holds motivates me but i think its allot deeper than that. i guess i look at the future as what i can become in the future an how i can like...up my skill?? idk. but i tend to think people motivate me, and the thought of getting things done and not having to stress anymore motivates me. first of all i think everyone could use a friend saying "you can do it!" every now and then. i tend to put out my emotions just to get feedback from people telling me that it will all be alright and that they care about me i guess. theres also the whole getting things done thing, i tend to stress out and just avoid doing things allot. like i just tend to procrastinate. i love to just do talk to people on the internet, read a book or just enjoy a story, and just enjoy doing nothing all day. so i mean getting done with things sorta quick motivates me but i also tend to put stuff off ALLOT. another thing that motivates me is me is like, what i can become in the future. like once i get done with all this i can be the artist of my dreams and be good at art and writing all that. i practice to make myself better i guess. my biggest drive for the last year or so (ive kinda been having depressive episodes) is the fact that one day i could write something that will inspire people and i guess make me important? like maybe make the world better for me and other people. i could write something amazing one day and couple it with amazing art. so uh yea. (all these answers are too long jeez)

How do you view the world?: man. this is kinda a deep question for me, i kinda dont think life has much meaning. like i think the point of life has been cemented in reality as like, enjoying it? thats the main goal people have. i think that we were put on the earth to make a better life for the people coming next tho. like create the new generation of the world and such.

Which aspect matches your personality?: man thats a good question. i would say space but im not sure. i think either mind or space. my personality is kinda wierd imo. cuz on the internet i act allot more analytical and in real life i usually do stuff and act random just to make people laugh. id say im like allot different than almost everyone i know, i have different hobbies and interests, have different sense of fashion, have a different music taste, etc etc etc. like i tend to just be different in general. i tend to do weird things just to make people laugh. like ill scream just to have a reaction. i tend to attribute these qualities to mind sorta? i also act very uncaring and unemotional irl, when online i can easily come out with my emotions and tell people how i feel (this is probs cuz i have more confidence online and think my online friends would listen more). i also think i sorta act motherly? maybe not really. i tend to have like a thing where if someone says "hey im gonna do this stupid thing!" ill say "no stop thats stupid" an nag them about it until they wont do that stupid thing. im also sorta protective. like ive been with someone and i was walking across the street and i almost got hit by a car, but i pushed the other person out of the way so i could take the hit and theyd be ok. but i tend to say i act like a space or mind player. possibly a breath player cuz of my uncaring attitude

Class questions:

How do you relate to your aspect?: personally i think my aspect is space, but its kinda hard to answer this question without being sure. and well i sorta look at space as what i want to be and what i am. like im creative, i love to do art stuff, i tend to deal with allot of problems that have to do with distance that can destroy me emotionally and thinking about them can ruin my day at times, and i like science. but across the board i act differently with different types of space. like i think im better than most creatively and have allot of knowledge on the creative process, i think i deal with allot of shit dealing with distance, and i tend to think im not the best at science (not doing the best in school science but i love science as more of a hobby. like not something i have to be good at. just something i enjoy. like i love allot of science youtubers and thinking about what i know of science). so i think im a bit different all across the board. i think i sorta just do whatever i feel like with space, which is usually just using it or learning how to do it better. like i wanna be the guy that does the space and does all the cool shit, but im not sure if i fit that role perfectly. i think im more of an observer that does things when they feel like it. or just someone that really likes space if that makes sense. so i tend to think i sorta feel the good and bad of space, and use it.

What is your role / archetype / character arc?: uh ive been described as the main character but thats not much of an arch. i think i need to kinda improve in skill an knowledge mostly, maybe i need to learn to be myself a bit more and come out about who i am more and stop sorta following others? im not exactly sure what my character arc is. i probably need to learn to be content with who i am, or maybe grow in skill and knowledge like i said before, maybe i need to learn how to grow in skill and knowledge. i think those are the 2 main things that plague me. 

What do you struggle with?: i think i mostly struggle with internal issues, and insecurities. i also worry about whats to come quite a bit. i struggle with putting things off to the last minute allot. but it mostly comes down to the fact that i think im not the best and need to be better. ive gone through a few aspects and i always think "wow im not really good enough at this to be this aspect" i do the same with space but people tell me i fit it super well. i also tend to be quite depressive and lonely at times. i dont leave my house to go see friends too often and i mostly just sit inside and talk to people on the internet (which i find fun) but it gets me down because i feel pretty lonely. ive also moved allot over the course of my life and left allot of people behind (some without even telling them im leaving) and that really gets me down. when i think about that it can sometimes ruin my days. 

Which class matches your personality?: this is a bit tricky, i tend to say knight because of how insecure i am and how i tend to conceal my emotions irl. but i also think im not insecure enough to be a knight (like dave and karkat had DEEEEEEEEEEP issues). i think im more akin to a seer, rogue, or maybe mage. ive been told i act like a seer a few times by friends. i tend to act a bit like terezi, so possibly. i also tend to relate to the mage characters being stubborn when it comes to space, and sorta having a sollux kinda mood most of the time. i say rogue because i tend to act a bit like roxy but that one is more meh. any of these 4 i sorta act like but im not sure which

(also keep in mind i typed this out pretty quickly if theres any spelling mistakes)

this was a private post. but im making it public cuz someone was using it as an example

also i came out with mage of space by the end of this if your curious

[neopuff]

riverdale ep 1-3

these twins always make me >___>

oh yeah i knew jason was gonna die

this is very artsy

i thought he was murdered

oh

tragedy

oh......a mom for veronica

what is a...chocolate shoppe? and why? does it sell? burgers?

is veronica the new kid

OH KEVIN

the gay kid gweiopubgoewgnew

the acting in this is terrible

the archie actor is clearly not a real ginger so i approve of this casting lmao

“to pass time i started composing poems in my head” shut up archie

archie: says anything betty: amazing!

lmao

betty: ive been thinking about us- archie: is that a hot bitch i see

“we do, both of us, together”

omg

GNOIWPEGWE BETTY’S FACE IS KILLING ME

awkward

oh....archies dad

thats not archies dad

archies dad got that fat gut

“im a sophomore’ BITCH NO UR NOT

SHES GOTTA BE LIKE 25 LMAAAOO whaaatt

im still dying theyre supposed to be 15 gwenpiubgewo;gwe

“gay, thank god, lets be best friends” im gonna piss and die

wow

love these pussycats

“ive had every flavor of boy except orange” its better that

waywiongubwepogn;wegew

ARCHIE AND GRUNDY IM DYING!!!!

IM GONNA FUCKINGGG DIIEEEE

GRUNDYINOGEW;EWL

im pissing im

DYING

shes the music teacher

why wouldnt they just make up a new teacherniogwepng;ew WHY IS SHE MS GRUNDY!!!

oh

archies dad/veronicas mom have a....history

“chose the rich kid”

wow

so many divorced parents

outdoor cafeteria

when will i see a high school that has one of these forreal

i assume its a west coast or south us thing

kevin: refers to cheryl as a widow me: i called the JOKES

“is cheerleading still a thing?” “is being the gay best friend still a thing”

the dialogue in this show is terrible its so funny

im glad betty/ronnie is a good ship

grundy is all turned on by archies music

this is so gross and im DYING

“i dont think thats a good idea” cuz u fucked a 15 year old bitch

oh

theyre not talking about the fucking

did cheryl murder her brother

why doesnt just one of them say it and not mention the other

bitch ur the only one who’d get in trouble ur an ADULT

that was so lackluster

wow

GNIWEUPGEW;OGWE

CHERYL’S FACEGNIEW;GEW

like yeah....not the kind of heat i meant :\

oh

im glad cheryls the villain i always hated her

wow

veronica: i know who u are [has known her for 2 minutes]

this dialogue is so unnatural and bad its cracking me tf up

get WRECKED cheryl

veronica: betty and i come as a matching set

i bet u do

time for football

“what you got something better to do” dont be rude

awww

“why did you defend me” just accept the kindness u fool

man

i like mr lodge

this is very awkward

was polly a character in the comics i dont remember her

WOW

“both of us” gewinouogbewgew

im DYING

in the headspace

“archiekins” gweinouobgweo;ngew

wow

“cheryl blossoms cheerleading squad.......”

bettys mom is so annoying

she sounds familiar

oh

mr lodge just sent a lotta money their way

why did the coach call his dad

he said hed give him a day

impatient ass

archies dad is just like :\

:/

:\

:/

these actors dont look related at all

which is funny to me

oh good its the pill in ibiza song

omg

i love that veronica is the speech giver in this show

moose/kevin gwiuebogiwgew

where is REGGIE

my SON

wow

openly talking about the illegal secrets at a big party

i just realized reggie is the asian guy

i didnt hear his name and couldnt figure out who tf that was gweopiubgwe;ngwe

im a fool

whered ronnie go

dancing with the gay guy, god

“i have this fantasy of us as a power couple” who asks someone out like that

STOP STARING AT GRUNDY

this is super awkward

cheryl is gonna murder...everyone

they could just

chill

“cheryl blossom truly is...the antichrist” just all her a bitch like a normal person

“we’re not just friends we’re best friends” shut up archie

wOW

hes NEVER FELT for betty

if these two make out i s2g

once they kiss cheryls gonna open the door

foolish children

ronnie dont DO IT

foolish

sighs

boring

what how tf would she know they made out

did they not come out at exactly 7 minutes

ok but wheres betty

oh hey jughead

i like jugheads not-crown

oh

now shes goin straight for love

“of course i love you” hes being so...obtuse

annoying

oh

ok now its about not being good enough

sure

did they find jayjay

and look at that

he got shot in the head

probably by his sister

ok

its obvious cheryl did it

im sure theyll switch it up like somehow it was secretly jughead

but it was cheryl

ok ep 2

fgewgw

why were they even fuckin at 6 am

cant believe they made moose gay

i forgot his gf’s name in the comicsniguwebgew

god

the actor that played jason was so uggo

GEWNIOG;EW SHARING A SHAKE WITH HIS TWIN SISTER!!!

maybe someone shot him for being so openly incestuous with his creepy sister

i know its like plagueing archie now but i feel like this should help him

“are you up?” “no” “youre killing your mother”

he went to grundys house

weird

and hes shirtless

“you could be expelled” “we could go to jail” NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM!!!

pedophilia is not a two way street

oh

bettys mom is...the worst

betty plz dont talk to your bitch mother about your life

i love archies eyebrows

i hope this is the end of archie/betty forever

wow

“sardonic humor”

oh

bye jughead

oh

is kevin not out to his dad

“the yellows for friendship” sure

veronica is so aggressively into this friendship

YAYYY

the otp stays together

wow

betty u are a fool

that is your future WIFE

oh

hi mr weatherbee

cheryl is wearing a spider pin gewoinubgewlngkew

CHERYL

archie and mr weatherbee just gonna

make eyes

jughead: archie you KILLED him

fewijohuog

HE THINKS ARCHIE DID IT

no jughead i was just fucking the hot prof

jughead: ew

fewiougobewgno;ewlgew

kevin moose is your new bf

“fate throws us together” ok

wow

why is he rejecting moose

because hes in the closet???

hes clearly trying to come out cmon

oh

everyones terrified of cheryl now so thats good

oh

bettys mom

“i ship it” why

“moose has an official girlfriend...mitch” i feel like i heard this line wrong

oh, betty

dont cry sweetums

“im supposed to say yes” THE DIALOGUE

ronnie is trying so hard with these dramatic white ppl

really

they couldnt even keep weatherbee fat

is this channel afraid of fat ppl

wow

does this bitch just sit in her empty ass music room all day

is she not really even a teacher

DONT TALK ABOUT FEELINGS

YALL ARE GROSS!!!!

disgusting

bitch get a dog and leave teenagers alone

WOW

WOW LMAAAAOOOOOOOO

AAAAAAA

JUGHEAD: WHAT!! GROSS!!! WTF!!!

this is not high school cheerleading

one of the girls here actually looks like a high schooler

cheryl just called herself exoticgewiongewiogew; CUZ YOURE A GINGER? BITCH

i die

oh

betty why

wOW

betty dont do this

cheryls a crazy ho

i know theyll make up by the end of the ep but still

“like we were meant to be best friends” gweniguebwg

2nd grade tutor

gewinogubwegw

“oh, little archie-” little archiewgn;klew I DIE

references are what i live for

i cant believe betty let cheryl into her house

wheres her mom to scream and chase her out

welp

there goes that

betty dont let her into ur HOME

oh

whats betty doing

“BEFORE I KILL YOU” BETTY

terrible thing to say

are they not friends because archie stood him up

cougarngiewgew

SHES A PEDOPHILE

awkward

i guess bettys mom coulda killed jason

“sometimes a friend is better than a boyfriend” actually, always, not sometimes

oh reggies finally doin something

gonna keep up the reggie/jughead rivalry

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

ok

“you wanna d the right thing” the way archie said that made it sound like he wants to fuck her and she doesnt want to

but whatever

so does jughead and bettys friendship not exist in this universe

nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions

wow

this dialogue is still awful its so funny

i hope it never improves purely for my amusement

out door pep rally...

[dances]

fewiulgbew

AHH HONEY HONEY

YOU ARE MY

CAAAANDY GIIIIIIRL

good shit

oh

cheryls having a Time

god the kid that plays jason is so uggo

oh

bye cheryl

finally getting a genuine emotional response from her

were they gonna fake his death for attention but then he was actually dead

yayyy

make up

veronica is over here like “betty and i were destined to be friends” and betty is like “im sure we wont know each other in a week”

aww archie and jughead back 2gedda

does jughead know betty or not

wheres the jughead/betty brotp of my past

veronica and jughead: interact me: yes...

im glad that, unlike in the comics, archie is not dating both girls at once and then also every other girl he meets

where ya goin weatherbee

wha

A CHALKBOARD LOL

i doubt a school like this would have a chalkboard instead of a smartboard

oh

did she do it

gasp

im sticking with my fake death for the attention theory

OK LAST EP

im enjoying this show

but i dont think i could take multiple Dramatic Teen Shows

how could cheryl be wearing that skirt in public school

“the plan was bananas”

oh

jason just wanted.....to leave

thats fine

oh

who got shot

gwneio;glkwe

in my neighborhood it wouldve just been the hunters

is archie gonna have a shiner for the rest of the show

oh

is betty not poor as shit in this universe?

i shouldve guessed from her moms outfits

“a lois lane type like you” nice and ronnie can be clark kent

omg leave grundy alone so she can die in hell

wha

why didnt you just say that you were alone

oh

dog

ok

a date....

oh

hes hot

good call, ronnie

CHUCK CLAYTON

“hes kind of a player” dont be racist, betty

he is hot as hell tho

awww “juggie”

finally jughead and betty are 2gedda

jughead you need shit for your college applications

oh right, dilton

what

“im not ten years old” but you are 15 which is not very different

so if chuck is in the show is nancy gonna be around too

ronnie/chuck is a good ship

“to OUR relationship” shut the fuck you youre a pedophile

wow

the sticky maple....

wow

chuck was cute

ronnie is gonna tear him apart

man

why does chuck have to be a dick!!! chuck was always a nice guy

fewionpgnew

betty: [COVERS FACE]

destroy him

PUNCH HIM

why is chuck a villain im bothered but also hes the worst destroy him

this terrible au version of chuck is terrible

“nothing is off the table...except for my body” weiugblewnkg

i love the pussycats

is this every other girl chuck did this to

oh

its ethel

hi cheryl

go away

lmao

whose this kid

wow

ok jughead

dont steal his ice cream

oh

dilton shot a gun gwoinegbpweo;nglwe

survivalist?!?! DILTON

IM DYING

HES A TECHNOLOGY OBSESSED NERD

why do the pussycats roll their eyes at josie

“a bnd with b&v”

did they find...ze book

so the football players dont even fuck the girls its just about getting a date and a selfie???

oh

cheryl, doubting her brother

what

just take the book

why not...just take the book

powerful

bettys rly lucky her mom isnt violent

(for now)

oh

she looks super awkward in that

omg

the sound of bettys lil demons in her head

“and a hot tub....”

this is such an awkward conversation

just imagining this with real 15 year olds is ridiculous

oh hey ronnie

chuck youre so fucking stupid

shes wearing a swimsuit and heels this is CLEARLY A TRAP

GWENOIGO;NEW

BETTY

black is not a good hair color

ronnie: im so turned on

GEWNIOG;EWG

SLAP!!!!

i just realized why archies dad is so familiar

he was on generator rex AND clone high

love it

part of me always liked archie/josie

15 is not late wtf

“slut shaming...its what they call it when sluts get shamed” wow

when does bettys mom get murdered

um

are they gonna burn him

UM

um

betty

LMAO

shes fine shes just pissed

awww

dads gonna support u now

must be NICE

gweoniugbweo;gew bettys face when ronnie said she called chuck “jason” was so funny

are they gonna do some she went off her meDS OO---OOOHHHA AAAHHH TERRIBLE BEAST

#burn it

cheryl tryin to make up for ze past

i still hate her idc

omg when does grundy get murdered too im done with this pedophilia subplot

STAY AWAY

FROM THE CHILD!!!

-___-

dilton you fool

im happy juggie and betty are hanging out

oh

dont mention ms grundys car

NO

YOU

FOOL!!!!

im tired of this pedophile plz shoot her next

ok im all caught up

whens the next episode

[selfdiscovery4me-blog]

11-5-17(First Post)

I’m doing this instead of doing my pre-calc homework because i feel like that class dosnt matter and i don't really care idk its fucking stupid i hate that teacher but i feel like he just wants kids to like him. Ive been with my girlfriend all weekend(The thought just occurred to me as how to address these from what perspective and to who, my self or an audience im doing this for myself but do i address it as if im telling a story? im not sure but thats how im going to make it seem like and we will see how that goes). I was with her and her mom, it was recently her birthday and she had a very shitty day, even though I and my Mom tried to make it better she still felt really shitty and was very upset and crying, i remember seeing her bring a blanket out of her room to wrap up and cry into and it hit me that idk like i just felt so bad like something was fucked up like i dont even know what it was but the fact that she had her blanket to comfort her maybe it was because she was cold and wanted to cuddle up but like idk it just struck me as odd and like it just seemed like thats what comforted her and like im just not even sure what to say about it, after us arguing too we finally were able to cuddle and hangout for a little bit with the dog biting us and playing around being annoying but being cute at the same time. I left feeling so confused like ive never felt before i cant explain the emotion that i felt after that like i dont know the vocabulary to put that feeling into words. It was really a mix of being sad, feeling helpless and just i was very unsure of the reasons everything was the way it was and i felt like the world was spinning around me and i was standing still watching it move it was extremely weird, I didn't know what to feel or anything. My girlfriend fell asleep, it was a very tiring day for her but i needed someone to talk to or be with so I asked my friend to come over. (Its almost as if feel 2 different range of emotions when im with my girlfriend and everyone else and they dont work together which almost always ends up bad) We hungout and just listed to music and talked, we went into the my hot tub with the kid who lives next to me. I have known him for a long time but he is kind of a shitty person and friend, weve been friends for so long but yet he switches up on me idk my girlfriend hates him because he talked shit about us and made stuff up about her. I guess im just used to it with him by now but she dosent like it and insists that i don’t be friends with him. Whenever i talk to her about it i alwys leave feeling like yeah fuck him i dont wanna be his friend but then when i see him or talk to him like i just wanna be his friend idk why if its just easy or what like hes in my friend group and not a bad person to be around, he dosent talk shit about her or us anymore around me anyway because whenever he does i continue to make him feel like shit about things he does for the rest of the day which now i dont have to do because he dosent talk. Anyway yeah i had nick over and we smoked and today Alex found out about it that i had him over, she made me promise not to hangout with my friends but i made the promise almost knowing that i wasent going to hold it yet i still continue to tell her that. She balled her eyes out today after finding that out, i apparently broke her trust again. I still love her but i want to hangout with my friends i want to go to parties :/ im so inlove with her like i cant bring myself to break up with her like i love her and it fucking sucks because our relationship is going toxic i guess and i really need to probably get out of it before i destory everything i have or had even more but i cant bring myself to do it. I think about things and like i wish everything would just go away that would make it so much easier, if she would just break up with me and leave or something that would make me break up with her like that would be easy and i think its kind of fucked that i think that but at the same time maybe that shows in the way i act its kind of fucked also that i make all these hollow promises to her when I have my own agenda which i make seem like or feel like i have no room or time for actually doing things which she wants too. Maybe i have 2 high of an exception when it comes to high school and my friends and everything i do and i want to do. I feel like she is holding me back but also a crucial part of me, I started loosing interest when more was coining out of my friend group and that started to become something of greater interest to me. Like before we all did the same shit every weekend but now its different but im not sure if it is i dont know maybe the grass is always greener on the other side. I just need someone to talk to but its hard because im fighting a mental battle between my girlfriend and all that surrounds her and my friends and all that surrounds them. I feel like i can do whatever i want and not really experience the consequences for some reason because i feel like i can pull up before getting burned but im not sure if thats really the case because i feel like everyone feels like that way about themselves probably till reality hits them.Maybe im too optimistic im optimistic in waiting for my stocks to go up like i threw 75 of my savings money into them because i hope that somehow they will go up, invested that plus about 100 other dollars into a coin that i know absolutely nothing about and im not sure if that is a good decision or a bad one or just an in the middle idk fuck theres so much going on in my head right now with school and everything too like fuck idek. I literally cannot make this decision between my friends and girlfriend like just thinking about her shes so cute and adorable and perfect when everything is how she thinks it should be but its not what is making me happy entirely like yes i love her and i like to be with her but like its not like thats all i wanna do. I cant sit sill i have to move i have to do more things like and she just wants things to remain how they once were where they appeared perfect. For some reason i feel like im a really good boyfriend and did whatever she wanted at the time because i didnt want to be made fun of or joked about like if we ever broke  up and i dint want to end things with her and have her thinking about me as a shitty boyfriend like i wanted her to think of me the way she thought of her ex but i guess in doing that i also made her never want to loose me and she now is crazy and ive been shitty to her i think but maybe i haven't but she just puts crazy rules on me and i dont like to follow them so does make that me a bad boyfriend if the rules are crazy? I think i live in an idealistic world where everything will work out for me because i think it will and i know i can put my mind to it and make it work but im not sure if that is really tested and i know i can or if im just like high on my own ego and i can get let down when it actually comes time to do it. I just fucked with my girlfeinds ig and told her i hacked it and had dudes block her which is funny cuz she left it logged on on my phone and i blocked them but ill see how long i play this out for but it made me happyish and feel good and takes my mind off of things so it was alr. I think im going to stop todays thinggy here ill probably just play with the look of my blog. Maybe ill start a website for this idk well see. i enojoy this kinda idk i still want someone to talk to but everyone just like dosent get it they always just easily pick one side but its not that easy its so hard trying to play both sides an make both side happy and work with it when one side dosent like each other and i feel like i need both things :( maybe ill type more later. Goodbye

[gulescamisade]

Minnesota:  Day 7

[At some point during the night, or day -- it'd be indistinguishable to jake -- a voice speaks to him over an intercom.] ????: hey jami 2.0 u think u can do that pumpkin trick again?

JAKE: -snoring in a bed made of pumpkin patch on the ground. As an unfamiliar voice echoes overhead, he snorts awake. Jolting upwards with leaves in his hair. Also accidentally summoning 3 more pumpkins as he had fallen asleep practicing and all.-

JAKE: Hoosit?? -blink blink. He's AWAKE.-

????: eelmao

????: conchgrats buoy u did it

????: cept i kno u aint even got a grip on whatebber the fuck u doin

????: but i dont need u to

JAKE: -sitting there mouthing the words like eel-aye-em-oh and squinting. He feels... inexplicably chilled to the bone.-

JAKE: (Doh... now i have a bad feeling about this.)

JAKE: I dont suppose... this is all to do with a ploy to get some unmentionable dirty work dished out and done with? But why speak to me now?? Are you to level with me in some sense of the word???

JAKE: Why drag it out like this??? If you could do anything. Why not make me a mindless drone like dear sweet jade and jane?????

)(IC: cuz i dont wanna fuck w u small fry

)(IC: the gills are smart

)(IC: they aint barely need no direction

)(IC: give em a goal and they on cuz they know what the fuck is up

)(IC: u tho? alwaves wadin thru ur lil guppy emoceans

)(IC: makin some dumb ass pumpkins grow

)(IC: the fuck even is that

)(IC: do u even know what yoar capable of sonfish

JAKE: -takes the deepest breath of his life, his heart thudding like an iron clad weight. He can't see her face, he only knows her voice is there. Green eyes wide and fearful as he slowly rises to stand.- Im...

JAKE: I know somehow. Some way.

JAKE: Maybe it wont happen today or tomorrow. But my capabilities say that you are going to pay one pretty penny for the horrible things youve done.

JAKE: Mark my words. Its not me who should be afraid when at the end of all of this... -His face is now screwing up, visualizing everyone this war has ruined. Their wishes, hopes, dreams. The energy seems to charge in his veins, making the air around him hot enough that the pumpkin vines at his feet begin to shrivel.- At the end of all of this....

JAKE: Youre just going to be a scary story people tell their kiddos at night!!!!! A LAUGHING STOCK. HAH. Worse than me and ive never had a dignified moment in my fucking life!!!! And not a SOUL is going to be sorry youre GONE.

JAKE: SO FUCK WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE IN STORE FOR ME YOU FISH FRIED CURISH VARLOT!!!! FUCK IT THIS WAY AND TO HIGH HELL WHEN ITS WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU THATLL BE WHATS FUCKING WHAT.

JAKE: Ill do it for jade! And jane and grandma and--- EVERYONE. Everyone youve fucking ruined with your vile reign of TYRANNY!!!!!! -This FIELD around Jake cannot be contained in this box of a room. Hell. The metal walls are beginning to bend with just these few seconds of intensity. Somebody do somethin'.-

)(IC: -LOW WHISTLE into her mic. she doesn't sound perturbed by his threats, or even by the damage he's doing. there's always more rooms she can put him in... maybe even make his lil friend roxy make him a nice box to hide in. she's definitely got more focus then this one...-

)(IC: im all aboat that reel glowy shit u got goin there

)(IC: but i know i can werk it betta

)(IC: anywave im board and i got shit to do

)(IC: goodnight BITC)(

[SNOP. Unfortunately for Jake, repressing magical/emotional outbursts is easy when she has the concentrated abilities of a cerulean at her disposal. But fortunately for him, she can only really put him to sleep, being a human and all... Also fortunately for him, she has the attention span of a gold fish and intends to let him dangle a little bit longer before experimenting on him as she intends to... Or maybe she's just having fun with him. Who knows.]

JAKE: -A lot of fortunates and a lot of unfortunates. It's always the seed of belief that matters.-

JAKE: -Passes clean out in the center of his cell, totally ready to write this off as some kind of fever dream... if it's not for the melty edges of the walls around him. This was exciting as it was frustrating.-

---

[Today when Jake wakes up, he will find himself redressed in tiny red shorts, red suspenders, and a big red bow tie. ur whalecum jami 2.0 ]

JAKE: -stirs awake before promptly looking down at himself.- ................................... SON OF A BITCH.

ROXY: =She couldn't help but to notice that Jake had gone missing. Which is unsettling for many reasons so she's taking a leap and exploring more even without the invisibility cloak from the void. Roxy blips out of her room, landing in the hallway and silently makes her way down it. Time to snoop!=

[It's quiet in these holding chambers with Jake and the Cherubs gone, leaving on Roxy and James who is presumably still keeping silent. At the end of the hall there is a door, and she'll find it isn't locked.](edited)

ROXY: =WHERES CALLI YOU MONSTERS?? SHE'LL FIND YA CALLI. She opens the door slowly and peeps in... if the coast is clear here comes a stinky, sweaty escaped prisoner. Where's your information?=

[The door opens up to an open room, on either side there are windows show casing labratories of some kind. It isn't entirely clear what kind of work is being done in them from where Roxy is standing. At the end of the room there's another door, but shee can also see more doors inside the labs.]

ROXY: =Hm.... can she see computers in there? She decides to get close to one window and peer in. Nerds might be at work in there...=

[There's definitely computers and lots of mechanical equipment and various tech projects half completed on the tables. The lights are low right now so there doesn't seem to be anybody working at this time.]

ROXY: =SCORE. She doesn't want to waste all her gas there has to be a way to get in there..... maybe this door at the end of the room will get her where she's going. Quietly scampers=

[This door is also open, CONVENIENTLY. It leads to another hall, and to either side of where Roxy stands are, presumably, the doors to the labs.]

ROXY: =BITCHIN, HERE COMES HER. Lab number one she's gonna prob ya! KICKS DOWN THE DOOR..... quietly. With her hand=

[As she enters, the lights TURN ON!! And that's about the extend of what happens there. She'll see all the computers have aquarium screen savers but all the fish are glittery and/or have blingee'd accessories like gold chains and shutter shades.]

ROXY: 😒

ROXY: =This is a lab so she sprays disinfectant on the computer before goin to HACK=

[It just so happens that whoever used this computer last forgot to log out of their account... They have photoshop open and there are photos of Jake. He's in red booty shorts and suspenders and he's lookin' like D8< but whoever was doing this photoshop job is trying to make him look a little happier... Like he's cheering instead of like he's about to punch the photographer in the face.]

ROXY: =Oh well shit..... oh. Well.. she. Snrk. Sorry but also ok. Where was this taken? Does it say anything about that? WHERE'S JAKE YOU COMPUTER=

[Without much looking she will first find a folder full of unedited photos of Jake from his new cell. Dank and dreary, much worse then the cells they were in before. Only a bed and a medical tray table. Another folder with the edited photos reveals these are being used for magazine covers and spreads. It seems Jake is being used as Crocker Corps POSTER BOY. Look at this well fed and obedient (?) human.]

ROXY: =OH HOW DARE!? Are there any OTHER people here computer? Like Dirk or Mom or ANYONE ELSE? WHO ALL AM HERE?=

[The computer thinks Roxy expects too much from it. At least from this account on the server. It's only been used by a humble tech intern who edits pictures in photoshop. His name is Maxwell.]

ROXY: =What a fuckin nerd Maxwell is can she HACK to find out... or would that take too much time.... it probably would so she legs it to the other lab=

[The other lab has lots of cabinets and coolers containing samples of various things... Some of which she might recognize as GLOWING MUSHROOMS and ARTIFICIAL SWEETENER. The kind of research they do in here might be a little more obvious...]

ROXY: =Finally putting Sweet-n-low out of business she sees, good. But she's scrunching up her nose and looking for anything useful or recent? =

[Or perhaps they were behind the Sweet-n-Low game all along! In any case, if she dares to try confiscate some of the mushrooms or any of the extracts lying around, she might be able to try using it for its hypnotic properties. Otherwise, there's mostly just experiments with food and chemicals being done in this lab. Sadly no clues of friends.]

ROXY: =God dammit. Well shucks she blows this popsicle stand and goes on a hunt for Jakey boy or Calliope!=

[Back in the hall, on the other side there's yet another door but it's more heavily sealed then the others with some kind of keycard lock, but with little indication of what's on the other side. At the very end of the hall is an elevator, also requiring keycard access to use.]

ROXY: =this might be where its unavoidable. UNA-VOID-ABLE. She bets this heavily sealed door is something GOOD. She's going to take a quick peek in there if she can poof in!=

[There's a growling around these hallways... sounds like something or someone might be prowling around.]

[The room Roxy has poofed into seems to be some kind of observation room. There's a couple screens on one wall with a panel beneath -- one screen is showing the room Jake is being held in (where he's either sleeping among his pumpkin patch or being rowdy...) while the other screen is shut off.]

ROXY: =zoinks! Growls are bad news. She hurries and tries to see if she can turn on the other screen or find where exactly the room holding Jake is? GO GO GADGET STUBBY FINGERS=

[MAIN SCREEN TURN ON. She manages to get the other screen running, but it's only showing an empty room with a bed... With unsettling stains of red and green on the sheets.]

ROXY: ..... =Bruh tf?? She squints and that can only mean bad news. Does it say where these cameras ARE? She should make her way downtown and quickly!=

JADE: -zaps into the room- BARK!!!

ROXY: !!! =JUMPS= FUCKIN'--- oop.....

ROXY: ..................

ROXY: ..................

ROXY: ...........

ROXY: this isnt the bathroom wtf

JADE: -LUNGES AT HER!!!-(edited)

ROXY: !! =BLIPS, or tries to back for the door. tHESE ARE SOME STRESSFUL SECONDS IN THE VOID=

JADE: -gdi. She claws around the empty space, growling.- ill find you!!!

ROXY: =She pops on the other side of the door really and is booking it down the hall, back the way she came. NAH. NNNNNAAAAAHHHHH=

JADE: -there's the sound of BOOFing and scrambling feet behind her-

ROXY: =fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck, what to do, gotta think gotta think gotta think. Where can she hide? She doesn't KNOW this place. UUGHHHHHHHH! She's doing her BEST here just, SLAPS a pen holder off a desk she runs by FUCK THIS SHIT, YEET!=

JADE: -BORK BORK BORK BORK!! The pen holder jostles her, but not enough to stop her. RIP pen assortment...-

ROXY: =Can she.... throw a stick??? BLIP, pops a stick into existence. A SNAUSAGE STICK chucks it down the opposite hall= FETCh!

JADE: -DAMN IT. HER WEAKNESS.-

JADE: -stops and grrs... her programming is conflicted-

ROXY: =Oh shit..... CHUCKS ANOTHER ONE= go on girl! tasty tasty!!

JADE: grrr... JADE: -RUNS AFTER IT-

JADE: -but a few moments later, she zaps in front of Roxy with a snausage in her mouth, grabbing onto her and zapping again back into her cell-

ROXY: =Fuckin!! YES OK. SO..... she can't find Jake like this or Callie.... what to do.... what to do....UGHHHHGHGH. Just hides in a little corridor while trying to think. She doesn't even know if anyone else is here but now she's doubting it? AUGH. Okay, okay okay... think. Gotta think. Where can she hide? UUUGGGH--= ACK! =DOOF. Deposited on her face in the cell, gdi=