#ive heard its spicy

[ludivineikewolf]

YES YOU NEED TO

should I read the current ikevil event

[alex-gfd]

I be cooking too. I'm making chili for the first time myself??? I love it but I never made it before and I'm making it VERY spicy. I have some sort of stomach issues going on and all the benefits from spicy food seem like they could help with what's going on? Idk if it will actually do anything I'm worried it may be something that can't simply be fixed but I hate making phone calls so I haven't called my doctor for an appointment which I really seriously need too. But I'm a fat afab person so I feel like I'll go there with cancer concerns and be told nothing is wrong I just have a uterus so. - 🦞

chili is super fun and rewarding to make, good luck ^^

but also stomach issues are no joke, even if its not webmd cancer it can be pretty serious

get it checked out!! it could be as simple as IBS but it could also be like, tears in your gut from a food allergy you didnt know you had or stuff like that

[skzms]

🌊 ೃ‧₊◜ sea may rise, sky may fall chapter V

pairing: lee know x f!reader x han jisung

summary: Han Jisung is the bane of Minho's existence. Fuck Han Jisung.

word count: 7.1k

warnings: swearing, nudity

author's note: oooooh things are getting spicy bestiessss. thank you for all the love and the feedback, i appreciagte every single word. let's see where this goes 👀

this series is 🔞, so minors, please DNI

series masterlist // skzms masterlist

< chapter IV - chapter VI >

Fuck Han Jisung.

Minho’s scalp is on fire, the midday sun bearing down on him where he sits at the bow of the ship. His hat lies forgotten in the captain’s quarters, but she’s currently having a strategy meeting with Hyunjin, so he doesn’t want to barge in just to get it. So here’s forced to bear it, beads of sweat accumulating on his brow, his skin burning under his black hair until he thinks he can feel the sunburn develop.

Then he hears it again. The stupidest fucking laugh he has ever heard, echoing across the deck, loud and shimmery and unabashed, as if its owner didn’t have a care in the world. What’s Han Jisung got to be so fucking happy about all the fucking time? Literally every time Minho sees the guy, he’s smiling. Or well, he is, until his eyes fall on Minho and then his smile always, without fail, dies a swift and painful death, crumpling until he’s looking at him with a barely contained scowl.

Minho flinches where he sits, lifts his arm and sinks his knife deep into the wood of the ship next to his legs with a dull thud. It shouldn’t affect him so much, the fact that Han Jisung arrived on the ship one day, as a prisoner, their biggest enemy’s nephew no less, all fancy clothes and expensive boots, pouty lips and flushed cheeks, and somehow wormed himself into everyone’s heart.

Minho has to admit he wasn’t very … focused that first day when they dragged Jisung into the room, his mind, and his dick, very preoccupied with the taste of his captain on his lips, the thundering of his heart as he allowed himself to leave his hands on her waist. Possessive, satiating something hidden deep in his chest that he didn’t allow himself to indulge in often, all too aware of the invisible line between them.

But he remembers Han Jisung’s arrogance, the scowl painted on his face that looked more like a petulant child than anything else. He also remembers the curl of familiar hatred in his guts when he spoke about his old crew, what they would try to do to him, remembers filing the knowledge away for later, to know just how painfully he would kill them once he got his hands on them – though Han Jisung somehow managed to sour even that with that fucking attitude of his, like he didn’t ever need Minho, quite the opposite. Arrogant asshole.

Minho lets his eyes wander over the deck, skimming the few groups of pirates sitting or working, until his eyes meet Jisung’s where he’s leaning against a mast, chatting to Felix. As per usual, the bright, gummy smile on Jisung’s face dims as soon as he sees Minho, the corners of his mouth falling, eyebrows furrowing and Minho suppresses the urge to snarl, spit onto the planks. Instead, he forces himself to look away, wrests his knife from the wood and drives it in harder, the plank splintering from the impact. When he looks back, Jisung has shifted, half of his perfectly shaped back now facing Minho instead of his face. And he seems to have recovered from Minho’s unpleasant presence, nay existence, his broad shoulders jumping with a silent giggle at something Felix must’ve said.

Felix. Felix, who had joined them after the captain had found him in that horrible whorehouse in Nassau two years ago, that still makes Minho shiver when he just thinks about it. He remembers the captain’s face when they heard his screams from the outside, and she had rushed in without a second’s hesitation, Minho himself hot on her heels, pulling the man who was forcing himself onto Felix off with a violent shove. Minho remembers because he had dragged the man out the door, hatred tickling his fingertips as he slit his throat and left him to bleed out slowly and painfully in an alley. By the time he’d come back, still wiping his knife clean from the filthy scum’s blood, Felix was already part of the crew, thanking him with sparkling eyes and a disarming smile.

Felix, who, for this reason, had never had a cabin mate – until Jisung. Minho doesn’t know how it happened, and he likes to pretend he’s not dying to know. But, of course, nobody volunteers the information. They’re all more than aware of Minho and Jisung’s … differences.

And they’re all on Jisung’s side, his brain supplies unhelpfully. Minho scowls at the surf. Jisung and Felix are inseparable. Seungmin greets Jisung with a soft smile, the rarest thing Kim Seungmin could hand out, patting Jisung on the back when he brings him food. Changbin and Chan sit next to him and pat him on the head when he offers them his leftovers. Hyunjin seems halfway to a serious crush on the guy, always making clothes for him and then dressing him up and running his hands all over Jisung’s body, gushing about his trim waist and thick thighs. And he’s pretty sure he heard Jisung’s stupid fucking laugh from the top a couple nights ago while he and the captain were … it doesn’t matter.

He just doesn’t get it. What’s so fucking special about Han Jisung?! Out of the corner of his eye he sees Hyunjin’s mop of black hair emerge from below deck and make for where Felix and Jisung are chatting and Minho decides he’s just about had enough of the sun scorching his head, of Han Jisung’s stupid laugh.

He swings his legs onto the deck, wrenches his knife from the wood and sheathes it. He feels three pairs of eyes on him as he walks past the little group of them, but he doesn’t spare them a single glance.

Hyunjin will probably give him an earful later about being a grumpy asshole, but he doesn’t care. He’d take that over having to watch his mere presence drain all happiness from Han Jisung’s eyes for the second time in half an hour.

His legs carry him to the captain’s quarters almost on autopilot. Changbin gives him a nod as he raps his knuckles against the heavy door twice and pushes it open.

And God, she’s a sight for sore eyes. Legs propped up on the edge of her desk, her knitted coat wrapped closely around her, what he assumes is Hyunjin’s ration list for the next stopover resting on her knees, her plump bottom lip worried between her teeth.

She only briefly raises her head when he enters, gives him a small, entirely radiant smile, before she turns her attention back to the paper in her lap. Minho closes the door behind him carefully. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots his hat, sitting on the low settee next to her desk. But he doesn’t need it any more, ignores it in favour of walking over to her, coming up behind her until he can lean over her, his hands supporting himself on the armrests of her chair. His eyes run over the words on the paper, but he’s not even going to pretend like he’s reading it, his focus entirely on the way his chest is pressed ever so slightly against her shoulders, his arms resting on hers. The smell of rosemary and lavender and her that emanates from her hair much too faint for his liking from where he is, leaving him aching for more.

“We could afford two or three more crew,” she says, pensively, underneath him, “could really do with them, too, to upkeep the ship and have a better chance with attackers.”

He hums in agreement as she keeps talking, but he’s not really listening as he allows himself to succumb to the siren song of her presence, leaning down a little bit more until he can take a quiet, deep breath of her.

Her chuckle jolts him out of his reverie.

“Are you even listening?”

Minho absentmindedly hums again, a lazy grin spreading over his lips as he leans down, presses a kiss into her hair.

“Something something we should get more men, but you don’t know where to find them,” he mumbles, drags his lips down until they’re ghosting over the shell of her ear. Her little chuckle gives way to a delicious sigh that Minho wants to bottle for a rainy day.

“Like Jisung, he’s been a great addition. I wish they could all just wander into our hands like that …”

Minho freezes, his lips stilling on her warm, rosemary skin. The bliss of their bubble, her skin under his lips, burst suddenly and violently. Han Jisung. Again. He pulls back abruptly.

“Right.”

It comes out acrid. He turns around, busies himself picking up his hat from the settee, dusting it off carefully. He can feel her eyes boring into his back.

“Why do you hate the guy so much, Minho?” she suddenly asks, and he’s taken aback by the directness of her question. He scoffs, turns around and meets her eyes. She doesn’t look angry, just … like she’s trying to figure something out.

“Why do I hate him? Why does he hate me?”

The captain gives him a withering look.

“You literally nearly got him killed a couple weeks ago.”

“Yeah? And he punched me for it, in front of everyone, so I considered us even,” Minho sneers, and he knows he’s being petty. But he’s had about enough of everyone being on his ass about not liking Han Jisung when Han Jisung has been fucking recoiling from him since the very first day …

“Well, did you ever apologise? I know we’re not the most conventional with our customs, but last I checked that would still be a decent thing to do,” the captain chides, and Minho feels anger bubble in his chest. Of course. She’s on his side, too. It hurts more than he can allow himself to admit.

“I did not,” he spits, the stiff felt of his hat crinkling between his tightening fingers, “I don’t know how I would, considering the guy flees every time I set foot into the same room as him.”

The bitterness rises in his chest, and he turns around, makes for the door before he takes it out on her and regrets it later.

“Fine, you win, we won’t talk about it,” she sighs, “I’m about to go over those maps we took from Han Yujun’s ships with Seungmin, do you want to stay?”

Minho recognises the olive branch she’s holding out, but the olive branch reeks of pity, and he’d rather die than suffer that from her. He doesn’t turn when he reaches the door and opens it.

“No, thanks, I’ll see you at dinner.”

And with that, he walks out and straight to his own quarters, where he locks the door and buries himself in his book and his self-pity until the memory of Han Jisung stings a little less.

And by the time he makes his way back to the captain’s quarters a few hours later, he does feel better. He also feels more than a little sorry for how he reacted earlier. He could’ve been with her this whole time, just the two of them in their world. Maybe she would’ve leaned against his chest as they looked at the maps, allowing him to bury his face in her neck, pressing wet little kisses against her irresistible skin until she went pliable in his hands, ignoring Seungmin’s knock in favour of sinking between her legs and making her cum on his tongue.

But instead he had let Han Jisung get to him, again, and what did that get him?! He vows to himself that he won’t ever let it happen again, but that is easier said than done when he walks into the empty corridor and the person he sees through the half open door is most definitely not Seungmin.

“Could it be somewhere super specific? Like the Indian Ocean or the North Sea or something?” Jisung’s voice floats through the air. It’s deeper than Minho’s own, he can’t help but notice.

The captain hums, quietly, thoughtfully.

“Because … I mean, I’ve only ever been once, but I’ve seen maps like these of … of groups of small islands or archipelagos.”

Minho noiselessly tiptoes closer, until he has a clearer view of the room.

Night has fallen and the candles in the sconces all around the room bathe the desk, the settee, the captain perched on the corner of her desk and Jisung leaned over it in a warm, sensual light. She looks like a dream, the candlelight giving her an ethereal glow, softening the hardness in her features, softening everything about her usually wound taut body until Minho thinks he can feel her under his fingertips. Minho should know. This is his time to be in her room like this. But now the flickers of the flames instead bathe Han Jisung in their warmth, radiating off his soft, wavy hair, dipping the planes of honeyed skin exposed by another one of Hyunjin’s creations in a layer of gold so undeniably attractive, Minho wants to throw up.

“Seungmin has cross-checked them with every single one of our maps,” the captain mumbles, pointing to a stack of paper on the edge of the desk, Jisung follows her finger with a thoughtful look on his face. “And none of it lines up. Our maps are only a few years old, and Seungmin is one of the best cartographers out there …”

She slides off the corner of desk and walks over to Jisung and reaches across him to rifle through the papers and Minho watches Jisung’s eyelids flutter, gaze dragging over the expanse of her neck, then her back where her shirt has ridden up to expose the smallest sliver of the skin of her waist; watches his lips part when her arm brushes against his chest.

“Ah. Look,” she exclaims, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, entirely oblivious, and pulls the map towards her. She grabs another one to place next to it, gesturing between them and looking back at Jisung, who blinks at her for a second before lowering his gaze to the maps again. “This one seems to look really similar to this one we found on your ship. But, as Seungmin pointed out, it’s still not right. It’s not the same. And the scaling of these maps we got from your uncle’s ships just doesn’t … make any sense. From a cartography perspective.”

Jisung huffs, shifts his weight from one foot to the other and glares down at the desk with a deep furrow between his brows. He fixes the paper with a mean glare, like he’s trying to force it to give up its secrets by sheer willpower alone.

“I don’t even …” Jisung mumbles, a frustrated huff falling from his pouted lips, “I’ve never understood why he did this anyways. He would send these big ships, with crews of 20 people and someone like me on board, but the ships would mostly be empty … Well, except for these maps, it seems, maps that he didn’t even tell me about …”

He shakes his head incredulously, leaning over the desk again to inspect one of the maps, lingering on the meticulously painted edges of them with his ringed fingers. He leans his cheek in the cradle of his hand and sighs, absentmindedly shrugging off his jacket, throwing it over the back of the chair behind him and shoving the sleeves of his ruffled white shirt up his arms.

Minho watches the captain’s eyes follow Jisung’s movements, drag over his arms, his collarbones, the exposed V of his chest before it flutters up to his profile, lingers on his lips. Minho’s heart hardens into something unrecognisable.

The captain looks back at the maps, sighs, but it’s lighter now. She reaches out, gently pats Jisung on the shoulder, letting her hand rest there for only a second, but it’s enough for Jisung to straighten up with a start. He blinks down at her, stares.

“Just think about it, will you? Because Seungmin and I are at our wit’s end. You’re kind of our last chance …” she says, and Jisung turns to her, his face full of the same stubborn determination as that day when he had screamed at Minho to untie him.

“I promise, I’ll figure it out … we’ll figure it out,” Jisung asserts.

The captain gives him a devastating, lopsided smile, one that makes the tips of Jisung’s ears turn pink and Minho’s heart drop into his stomach.

“Give me some of your optimism, please,” the captain chuckles, but it’s soft, her cheeks warming in a way that makes Jisung’s pout stretch into a sweet, conspiratorial smile. He leans into her, bumps her shoulder with his playfully.

“Hey, you’ve got me now. How could we ever lose?” Jisung chokes with another sickeningly sweet smile that makes his cheeks puff up and Minho watches his fingers brush against hers where they hang next to one another, how he extends his pointer finger to drag over the back of her hand, watches their eyes catch on each other for just a broken moment too long and Minho burns.

He turns abruptly because he knows he can’t stand any more of it, his mind filling with images to torture himself, of Jisung leaning in, kissing her in the golden candlelight that’s his, running his tongue over the seam of her lips, her soft sinful hands on Jisung’s body – his world spins, legs uneven as he stumbles down the hallway, the throbbing wrath in his guts driving him down the stairs, through the living area where he ignores Changbin’s incredulous call of his name and straight through the mess and into the kitchen.

The swinging doors slam against the wall with a loud crack and Felix nearly jumps out of his skin, drops the wooden spoon into the pot he was stirring. Sauce splatters all over his apron, and he curses, gives Minho a dirty look, but Minho has no patience left in his body. The captain. His captain. Not her. Why her?!

“Your little charity case is trying to get into our captain’s pants,” Minho barks out, probably loud enough for anyone lingering in the mess to hear. He doesn’t care. They should all know the audacity of their new favourite.

“Who?!” Felix asks, incredulous, fixing Minho with an infuriatingly patronising look.

“Your little charity case. Your pet. Fucking Han Jisung,” he spits out and Felix’s eyes widen before they narrow again, this time much less friendly.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you, Minho, he’s not my … what the fuck?!”

“Whatever,” Minho interrupts him, waves his hand dismissively rolls his eyes, “what matters is that he’s trying to get into the captain’s pants.”

Felix’ eyes narrow even further.

“I don’t understand what you of all people are trying to say with that.” Minho’s clenches his fists so hard he hears a knuckle pop.

“He hasn’t even been here for a year, and he’s already trying to seduce the only woman on the ship. It’s preposterous, it’s disrespectful, it’s …”

Felix shakes his head and turns back to the pot, decisively grasping the spoon, stirring whatever he’s cooking with all the calm in the world. He doesn’t even look at Minho when he finally speaks.

“Well, does she want him, too?” he asks nonchalantly, and Minho’s vision goes blood-red. When he comes to, there’s sauce spilled all over his shirt and his hands are wrapped around Felix’s throat, straining against him where Minho has him pinned against the wall, harder than he knows he should. But Felix is just glaring back at him, coughing, but unfazed in his fury. His foot kicks out and painfully catches Minho in the knee. Minho almost welcomes the pain.

“I can’t believe you would take a stranger’s side over all of us, over the captain who saved your fucking life,” he screams and Felix’s eyes narrow to slits. Behind Minho, the kitchen doors slam open again, and then he’s being dragged back, away from Felix whose voice cuts him deeply.

“Don’t pretend like this is about the captain, you fucking hypocrite,” Felix yells, “you’ve been fucking her for years.”

Changbin is in front of him, his hands on his chest, pushing him away from Felix and muttering calming words when Felix delivers the final blow.

“You’re just scared she won’t want you any more when she finally realises what an asshole you are. When she realises there’s someone much nicer out there.”

Minho thinks everyone in the room might hear his heart crack cleanly in two. He shoves Changbin to the side and lunges at Felix again, shoving him into the wall so hard he hears Felix’ head thunk against the wall, hears Felix’ hiss of pain. He can’t see Felix’ face, can barely make out the contours of the kitchen, tears of rage in his eyes blinding him. Changbin grabs him again, his arms locking around Minho’s middle, lifting him off the floor as he carries him away.

“I fucking hate you,” Minho screams, legs thrashing, trying to get out of Changbin’s iron grip. He barely recognises his own voice, so shrill and vengeful. Another tear makes a track down his burning cheeks, “we should’ve fucking left you there.”

The last thing he hears is Felix scoffing out in disbelief before Changbin is dragging him from the kitchen, through the mess and the living room, Minho kicking and screaming in his hold all the way up the first flight of stairs, until Changbin kicks open the door to Minho’s quarters and throws him onto his bed unceremoniously. He crosses his arms and fixes Minho with a look so stern that it makes Minho falter, stare back at him petulantly.

“Minho,” Changbin warns, his face harder than Minho has ever seen it. He suddenly feels very small. “Minho, whatever it is that’s got you so fucked up that you’re fighting your friends, sort it out before you do any more damage. This isn’t cool.”

Minho’s vision is blurry with tears, and he tries, but there’s no way to will them down any more. When he opens his mouth to speak, a pathetic sob tumbles out.

“What is it about Han Jisung that has you all so fucking infatuated?” he chokes out, venom spilling out between the tears that are now running down his cheeks freely, “why is everyone on his fucking side?”

“Huh?! Nobody is on anyone’s side, there are no si–“

“Yes, there are!” Minho screams, sits up enough so he can jab a finger in Changbin’s direction. “Ever since he arrived, he’s been turning everyone against me. Prissy little pretty boy waltzes in and I question his motivations, and you all make me out to be the bad guy? When all I wanted was to keep you safe, keep us safe, like I have done for years. Does that mean nothing to you? Do you know what I’ve given for this crew?”

“Minho, …” Changbin mutters, and Minho thinks he can see a flicker of uncertainty in Changbin’s eyes. It adds fuel to the fire burning him from the inside out.

“It’s good to know what you all fucking think of me. Go canoodle with your new boytoy. I hope he’s as good with a knife as I am because next time one of you gets jumped you better not count on me any more …”

Minho knows it’s extreme, knows deep in his heart that he would never abandon them. But he’s tired. He’s so hurt, his heart feels like it’s bleeding.

“Minho, …” Changbin says again, and it’s even softer this time. “We don’t … we don’t want to choose sides. We don’t hate you. You’re … Minho, our Minho. Yes, you made a wrong call the other day, but we all know why you did it. We never held it against you. We just don’t understand why you hate him so much. He’s a good guy. Actually, I think you two would get along really well, if you just gave it a chance.”

Minho tries to scoff, but it comes out as more of a hiccup. He refuses to look at Changbin, just shakes his head at the floor.

“Well, I’m glad he’s a good guy, hope that works out for you,” he spits, bitterness laced in his voice.

“How is that what you took from what I just said?” Changbin asks, but then gives up. The fact that he does is a dull pang in Minho’s heart. “Fine, we won’t talk about him now. I just need you to know that you’re loved. By us. By all of us. Do you understand?”

Minho hears the allusion to her, but he knows that Changbin’s wrong. Because she doesn’t love him. Not like he loves her. Suddenly, he’s bone tired, his whole body aches with it as he turns away.

“Get some sleep, Min. And tomorrow, you’ll apologise and Felix will apologise and all will be well again.”

There’s silence, like Changbin is waiting to see if Minho will find anything else to say, but he doesn’t. He sniffles into the silence, his body aching with a pain so deep he doesn’t know what to do with it. Before he can even look up, door closes softly and Minho crumbles.

When the captain knocks later that night, calls his name, her voice a soft balm that he wishes he could let soothe him to sleep, he’s still sitting on the floor next to his bed, his limbs shivering with the ache in his chest where his heart should be. He doesn’t respond, lets her think he’s asleep. She leaves after a few minutes and Minho hates himself.

Jisung had never seen Felix angry before and god, he hadn’t thought it could be this bad, not with Felix’s usual soft, sunny demeanour. But no. It was terrifying. His sugary sweet smiles replaced by withering scowls, all turned inwards, muttering curses under his breath.

Jisung had come to dinner and found Felix like that, refusing to speak more than a few words, staring at his plate stony. Jisung was just about to succeed in wordlessly staring at Seungmin for long enough to get him to ask Felix what had happened, when the doors opened and Changbin made his way to their table. His eyebrows were furrowed in worry, and it made Jisung even more worried.

“Did you throw him overboard?” Felix asked, bitterness laced in his voice. Changbin gave him a pointed look and shook his head. Felix scoffed, rolled his eyes. “Too bad.”

Changbin, faced with everyone else’s puzzled eyes boring into him, heaved out a sigh.

“Felix and Minho had … a fight,” he explained, but Felix almost immediately cut him off.

“We didn’t have a fight, Lee Minho barged into my kitchen and picked a fight, there’s very distinct difference,” he spat, but Changbin seemed to have had enough. He slammed a fist onto the table. Felix’ eyes went wide.

“He may have picked the fight, but you also said some more than nasty things, Felix,” he rebuked Felix, a whose face turned an angry red. “And now we are going to stop talking about this, before more people get hurt, got it?”

Felix gave him a nasty glare through the burning of his cheeks but didn’t fight Changbin, only picked up his still mostly full plate and disappeared into the kitchen. Jisung met Hyunjin’s eyes, but even he just shrugged, and Jisung did his best to drop it. Later, he quietly helped Felix do the dishes, ignoring the questions and worry burning on his tongue. Then he quietly followed Felix into their cabin, quietly undressed and got ready for bed, peeking out from behind his book as Felix climbed into his bed and murmured a good night.

But now it’s the morning and whatever Minho had done to upset Felix must’ve cut deep because when Jisung arrives at breakfast, Felix is glaring at the slice of bread on his plate and barely speaks, slamming the kitchen doors closed behind himself when he’s done.

So when Jisung is in the bath later that morning and Minho walks in? The tension in his body pulls tight, and he can feel the confrontation coming from a mile away.

Jisung had chosen the middle one of the three bathtubs in the bathroom today, had washed almost half a bar of the pine scented soap into the water before he sunk into it, his back to the door, letting the hot water soothe the strain right out of his muscles. He doesn’t open his eyes when he hears the door open and shut behind him. It was morning, after all, not unusual for the rest of the crew to start washing up. Though when the seconds tick by and there’s no other movement, Jisung starts wondering.

When he turns around, he makes eye contact with Minho, and Jisung’s body tenses up all over again.

He didn’t like being in the same room as Minho on any given day, but being here, in this small room, alone – it was more than uncomfortable. But true to his resolution, Jisung refused to budge, staring back at Minho defiantly, daring him to do something. After a few more seconds, Minho seems to make up his mind, his face hardening as he walks to the low bench and kicks off his boots.

Jisung frowns and settles back into the warmth of the water, sinking in until he can feel it tickle his earlobes. He forces his eyes to shut, but it’s hard when he can hear Minho move around the room, lighting the logs, passing by right behind Jisung to pick up a bar of soap, pouring water from the heater into the tub until he deems it full enough.

Jisung’s pretty sure Minho wouldn’t drown him in the public bathroom, but he can’t help but crack a careful eye open. Minho is facing away from him, testing the water with the tips of his fingers. Jisung is just about to close his eyes again before Minho can catch him, when Minho pulls his shirt over his head and Jisung’s eyes fly wide open.

His back is broad, milky skin pulled taut over planes of muscle that shift as his hands work the strings of his pants. With a shudder he notices the faded red tracks of nails running down from his shoulder blades, between the myriad of small, lighter scars dotted over his skin, and his whole face flushes when Minho shoves down his pants and the red marks trail down over his ass, round, perfect, flexing and jiggling a little as he moves in a way that has Jisung’s brain short-circuit a little bit, and then Minho turns around and …

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Minho’s hung. Even flaccid, his cock hangs hard and heavy and thick between his thick, muscled thighs, and Jisung blinks at it entirely stupidly for entirely too long before he forces his eyes up, past Minho’s abs and chiseled chest and dusty nipples (and a collection of love bites around his collarbones that make Jisung feel lightheaded) until his eyes meet Minho’s, who’s staring straight back at him with a condescending, shit-eating grin. There’s a darkness in his eyes that makes Jisung slightly uneasy, and he flinches, embarrassment flushing his face. But he sets his jaw, pretends he doesn’t care, glares at Minho, dares him to say something, but Minho just quirks an eyebrow and kicks his pants off the rest of the way and gets into the tub – facing him? Jisung blinks stupidly. Why the fuck is he facing him?!

Dumbfounded, Jisung tries not to, but he still watches every movement as Minho throws his leg over the side and gets into the tub, sinking into the hot water with a happy sigh that shoots straight between Jisung’s legs and makes his traitorous cock twitch slightly. Jisung gives Minho one last dirty look before he leans back, closes his eyes again, does his best to look calm and collected as he spends the next five minutes trying to talk down the semi he’s sporting just from looking at Minho. Stupid fucking Minho. Why did he have to be hot?! Though he supposes if the captain was sleeping with anyone, she would be …

The nail marks, the love bites. It confirms it, doesn’t it, Jisung thinks, and there’s an ugly stab of jealousy in his heart. Well, technically, they could be from anyone, but with everything he’s heard … Jisung has to suppress a shudder when his brain conjures up the image of her sinfully beautiful body under Minho, her heat, her soft, plush lips, object of his own wet dreams, wrapping tightly around Minho, fingers digging into his skin as he fucks her deep and hard with those thick thighs and that giant fucking cock of his that would probably feel so good against his prostate …

His traitorous cock responds happily, chubbing up even more, and Jisung huffs out in annoyance.

“Wow, you’re so annoying you’re annoying yourself? Go figure,” Minho ribs from the other tub. Jisung’s eyes fly open. Minho is lying back, annoyingly muscular arms crossed over his chest, eyes closed, an annoying smirk on his lips.

“Ha ha, very funny,” Jisung just grumbles out. He closes his eyes, leans back again, affecting an indifference as if his cock isn’t half hard and Felix’ anger isn’t bubbling through his veins.

“What? I’m not the one huffing and puffing at my own thoughts,” Minho says casually and Jisung snaps. He knows this will not end before he even finishes his first sentence.

“What is your problem, actually?!” he hisses, props his arms on the side of the tub and pulls himself up to a relaxed seat. “Are you trying to pick a fight with me, too, like you did with Felix last night?”

Minho’s eyes shoot open at that, and Jisung notes with satisfaction that his confidence wavers for a split second. But before he knows it, Minho’s eyes narrow again, and he leans back, pretending to get comfortable against the wooden wall of the tub.

“Jesus, it’s worse than I thought,” Minho says, “you’re like his little lapdog. Yap yapping away. All bark, no bite.”

Oh, this asshole.

“No bite, huh?” Jisung spits, sits up so fast the water laps against the side of the tub dangerously. At least it gets Minho to finally open his eyes properly. “The bruise on your jaw you carried around with you for two weeks told a different story.”

Minho huffs out a laugh.

“Nothing more than a pin prick. I’ve been stabbed, kid, your little fist hardly did any damage.”

“Well, that’s great to know, then next time I won’t hold back when you pick a fight with my friend.”

Minho raises an eyebrow at Jisung, fixing him with his dark eyes, and it’s a little intimidating, to have Minho’s whole attention like this. But

Jisung stubbornly refuses to waver.

“Your friend?”

Jisung falters, and Minho catches it immediately, digs his finger deeper into his weak spot.

“You’ve hardly been here for three months, you don’t know what friendship means on this ship, princess.”

Jisung is half out of the water before the hated nickname is even fully past Minho’s lips. A wave of water splashes onto the floor and Minho’s eyes seem to dip down to his newly exposed stomach, the dip of his waist, for just a split second. At least Jisung’s not hard any more.

“Fucking stop calling me that,” Jisung hisses. Minho raises both his eyebrows.

“Why? I call ‘em like I see ‘em.”

“You know full fucking well, why,” Jisung replies, his fingers digging into the side of the tub almost painfully, “you heard that fucker call me that the day you tried to get me killed, and you still decide to say it. You really are just a bad fucking person.”

Minho blinks at him, his face an unreadable mask. Without another word, he sits up, supports both his hands on the side of the tub and heaves himself out of the water. Jisung is speechless. Is he just going to walk away? He watches Minho towel his hair and scoffs out a disbelieving laugh. There’s no humour in it.

“What? Nothing?”

“I didn’t fucking try to get you killed,” Minho says, quietly, harshly.

Jisung shakes his head, heaves himself out of the tub as well, grabs his towel to wrap around his waist.

“Sure you didn’t,” he scoffs and Minho whips around, stares him down.

“All I do, everything I do, is to protect this ship, the captain, and the crew, okay? I didn’t know if I could trust you, so I kept you somewhere I could keep an eye on you. I was not going to let anything happen to you.”

Minho turns from him again, bending down to pick up his pants. Aggressively, he pulls them over his still damp legs. Jisung’s trembling with rage now, his fist balled at his side.

“Why would I believe you? You let that fucker punch me, you let him touch me.”

Jisung watches as Minho’s movements falter, watches his fingers tremble as he does up his pants. What does he have to be upset about? Jisung takes the moment to grab his own shirt, shrugging it over his shoulders, though it does little to quell the trembling of his body. He feels nauseous. The moist heat of the room makes him dizzy.

“Well, if you would stop fucking flinching away from me like I’m dangerous …” Minho starts, but his sentence trails off. Jisung scoffs in disbelief. He feels poisoned. Poisonous.

“You know, the captain always tells me that everyone on this ship is family, that you … we keep each other safe. Everyone keeps saying that you keep them safe. But I don’t feel safe.”

The sentence tumbles into the silence of the room, and Minho freezes. He looks like he’s been slapped. But Jisung isn’t done yet, the heaviness in his chest finally abating a little bit with every word of this he finally gets off his chest.

“I know you didn’t like me when I arrived. And that’s fine. But ever since then, you’ve shut down every single attempt of mine to bridge the gap between us. And then you tried to kill me …”

“I didn’t …” Minho whispers, but Jisung interrupts him, roughly.

“… you torment me by calling me what he called me, you leave every room I enter, refuse to even fucking look at me.”

Jisung would laugh at the fact that Minho even refuses to look at him now, only blinks at the floor, but there is no humour in this situation at all. Jisung feels broken open, red, and raw, in front of the guy who’s been making his life a living hell. Suddenly, Minho turns, grabs his shirt and pushes past Jisung. He shoves his feet into his boots and Jisung angrily realises that he just plans on leaving.

“Say something, you coward,” he curses, and Minho finally looks up at him. He looks devastated.

“I didn’t try to kill you, I … I didn’t realise that’s what that fucker called you … after my … after Felix … I … fuck, I_gut_ people like that, I cut them limb from limb, I would never … fuck,” he curses and rips open the door, makes down the hallway without even bothering to put his shirt on. Jisung follows him before he can think better of it.

He catches up with Minho only a few feet down the hallway, pulls him back by his arm and pushes him into the wall, hard.

“No, you don’t run away from this,” he spits and stares up at Minho, who’s unfortunately still a few inches taller than him. “Why do you hate me so much?”

Minho blinks at him, his lips slightly parted in surprise, bunny teeth peeking out from underneath his top lip in a way that makes him altogether less intimidating and then clamps his lips shut, furrows his eyebrows, stares at Jisung with a frustrated desperation in his eyes.

“I don’t fucking hate you!” he hisses out, “You’re one of us now, and I would give my life for you just like I would for every other person on this ship, but you hate me because you’re scared of me and I can’t even blame you because everything I do somehow … ends up wrong with you.”

Now it’s Jisung’s turn to stare blankly and Minho shoves him back until Jisung’s back hits the wall. Except this time, it doesn’t feel threatening, not when there are tears of frustration glistening in Minho’s eyes. He lifts his hand, jabs his index finger into Jisung’s chest, his erratic breath fanning over Jisung’s face and Jisung’s heart rabbits in his chest. A drop of water drips from Minho’s raven locks, runs down his neck, pools in the dip of his collarbone.

“I don’t know what it is about you, but you drive me fucking crazy,” Minho breathes out and Jisung’s body moves before he can even realise what he’s doing.

Both of his hands wrap around the back of Minho’s neck, and he pulls him down, straight into his own parted lips. Minho makes a choked sound in the back of his throat, but Jisung doesn’t let up, digs his fingernails into the skin of Minho’s neck, presses his lips against Minho’s harder. When his brain catches up to his body, he tries to pull away, but Minho doesn’t let him, pushes closer, crowds him against the wall, trapping Jisung’s body between his strong arms and slipping his tongue into Jisung’s mouth. Molten hot need bubbles in Jisung’s gut and he moans pathetically. One of his hands skates down Minho’s chest, smoothes over his hot skin, thumb catching on Minho’s nipple and Minho hisses into his mouth. But it seems to shock Minho out of whatever it is they’re doing because suddenly, he pulls back, stumbles back a few steps and stares at Jisung with wide eyes.

Where Jisung is flushed and embarrassingly hard underneath the towel around his waist, Minho is deathly pale, and he doesn’t look okay at all. Jisung’s stomach drops.

“Minho?” he whispers, as gentle as he can.

Minho blinks rapidly, shakes his head, takes a few shaky steps backwards, before he turns and flees, runs up the stairs.

Hurried footsteps sound behind you as you push open the door to your office. You whirl around and come face to face with a flushed, wide-eyed Chan.

“Jesus, is everything okay?” you ask, your heart in your throat at how panicked Chan looks.

“Captain, I …” he starts, before he turns around, checking if there’s anyone behind him, “you have to promise me you won’t be angry with me for telling you this, but I can’t not tell you. Like, you’re our captain, you have the right to know, even though he will kill me for this.”

There’s a blind panic running through your veins as you stare at Chan.

“Chan, if you don’t tell me right now…”

“I saw Minho and Jisung kiss. Downstairs. Outside of the baths."

< chapter IV - chapter VI >

series masterlist // skzms masterlist // kofi

🔖 taglist: follow and turn on notifications for my library account: @skzms-library 🔞 I monitor ages over there, just like I used to do with my taglist. I will block minors and ageless blogs, and you'll have to message me again to get unblocked. so just have your age in your bio before you follow!

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Salutations! Might be a… oddly specific request? So feel free to throw it out if you don't like it! I've just had this idea floating in my brain for awhile and I think its cute.

So basically Lucifer (Hazbin Hotel) makes friends with someone who is also really grief stricken over their last relationship. (I was thinking that they would be a widow/widower but you can go whatever route you want) They both find solace in one another and feel like they understand eachothers pain. They both get really close and before he can realize whats happening, Lucifer is head over heels and it hits him like a freight train when he realizes it. He wants so desperately to hold this person to his chest, protect them, and build a future together that neither of them had thought possible before; but he is also terrified of scaring them off if he does anything. Both of them are wounded, and Lucifer isnt sure how deep or raw those wounds are. So Lucifer just ends up turning into a puddle of a man when they are around.

Like I said, Ive just had this rotting in my head for awhile and I am not nearly skilled enough to do anything with it, sooooo have fun with it if it peaks your interest! <3

Broken Hearts Still Beat Again

"I may not be your first love, kiss, or date..... but damn baby, I want to be your last everything." -Unknown

Tw: Angst, Hurt-Comfort, Failed relationships, fear of abandonment, learning to love again, taking risks, slight spiciness at the end

~Prior to the beginnings of the Extermination~

You can't remember how long it's been since it happened. Years, months, and days are far too long, honestly. All you could remember was his face, his sad, sad, lonesome face, and the grinning menace Adam beside him. Yes, that's right, Adam, the first Winner. You, too, were a Winner till all that time ago. How long?

Your husband, best friend, and closest confidant was also a Winner. You were Winners together. You two died in your sleep peacefully due to a shared illness. It was sweet, almost too romantic like St. Peter said when you two crossed the gates. 

Then it happened; you don't know why Adam sank his teeth into you. Yes, you were an incredible fighter in the mortal world, teaching children how to fight for their safety and never to provoke. So when he came to you and invited you to the exorcist guild, well, you were happy to train young fighters to protect themselves. Your partner was even happier to watch you flourish in Heaven as much as you did in your mortal life. 

Then you overheard Lute talking to an exorcist one day. You heard about the extermination of the poor souls, the damned being killed again and again. This news broke you. Who would remotely allow this? Who would stoop so low?

You called an impromptu meeting with Sara and Adam to inform them of this horrible act Lute was performing. The tyranny she was showing against the other angels to go down to Lucifer's territory and kill again.

Only things didn't go as planned, no see you did go to the meeting; you spoke your peace, and then they just smiled at you, eery creepy smiles, sent you on your way, and told you it would be handled. It was all quite odd; there was no demand for a trial, no need for proof of your words, nothing.

When you returned to your home where your husband was, it happened all too fast. Exorcists were grabbing you; Adam was telling your husband something; his face dropped, and he looked at you with hate. You were shouting, begging, pleading for anyone to listen to you. No one would, and you were flagged as a traitor right then and there.

You were taken to a ledge, and standing there, you looked into your husband's eyes, tears staining your face, your throat raw from screaming. You could feel the saliva strands between your parted lips as you whimpered and cried. You freed your arm from one of the exorcists and reached out to your husband; it was too late as he turned from you.

He spared one last look at you, turning back with tears in his eyes. You called out his name once again, and Sara spoke her orders of your treason against the balance of good and evil. Then, you were pushed off the ledge. 

You began to fall from heaven, assuming a more permanent death would be treating you soon. You closed your eyes; you didn't want your last memories to be death or Adam or any of what just happened.

You thought of your lover when you two were young and carefree the day he told you he loved you. As you felt the rushing of wind and air surrounding you, this thought alone was your solace, and then it all went black.....

~~~~ Lucifer's Pov ~~~~

The day that Lilith left was a cold, cold day in hell. Well, not for everyone, but definitely me.

The woman I gave everything up for was gone in an instant. Without a word. Without a trace. My relationship with Charlie was far more strained and hindered now. I was nothing now. A kingdom all to my own and nothing of value now that the two women I loved the most were gone. What was I to do in this lone castle whither away? 

I turned to the picture of Lilith and Charlie, and tears formed in my eyes. It all felt too surreal to much. She was gone, my family gone, my life gone, all gone gone gone. As I sat there and cried, fists beating into the floor below, my wails echoing through the halls of my now abandoned residence, I felt so empty.

That's when an imp came in, holding a letter from the angels above. It was time to sign our agreement on the executions. Maybe that's why Lilith left; I was so willing to save our family that I gave up on our dreams for hell. 

I should have spoken to her and let her decide, but they threatened Charlie, so I had to act. I had to save my precious daughter, my pride and joy. That's also why I had to tell Charlie that her plan to 'save all sinners' needed to end. I remember it like yesterday, sitting at the table with them, breaking the news of the agreement I would sign soon. They looked so hurt, so betrayed.

I honestly was a failure. 

I stood, heading to the bathroom to clean up before my meeting. Soon after my name is signed on the soul pact, the first and only angelic building will grace hell, and the clock will start counting down. I was prepared for my subjects to hate me, but my family, it was all too much.

There was nothing to lose now, though, so hell with it. I made my way to the opening portal to heaven. It's now or never. I will sign this and keep the ones I love safe, even if they never know.

I love you, Lilith, I love you, Charlie. 

~~~~ Reader POV ~~~~

When you woke back up under a dark red sky, you figured you had to have fainted while falling to your death. Yet when you looked down at yourself, you were the same old you. The only notable difference was that your skin was no longer pure white. You had greyed out some, and your clothing was torn from your fall. Looking around, you saw a giant pentagram in the sky and a large white orb to the right. Was that heaven?

Standing on your legs again, your back was killing you. You began to walk anywhere; people here were very different from the Winners. Death, porn, canabalizim, all of it fully welcomed. This would take some getting used to. 

As you crossed the threshold of the city, now standing in the middle, you heard a horrible noise. It sounded like a bell, but it was so loud. You turned to your left, where the noise was coming from, and there was a clock and some numbers; just above the numbers, it read 'days till execution.' that's when you realized it.

A building, the only building that looked like what you are familiar with in heaven. You were shocked it wasn't Lute causing tyranny. It was all of them, every single one of them, in charge. 

You sank to your knees, realizing you would never be safe. You signed your sentence when you went to them with the information you learned. You were no longer a Winner...You were a Sinner, and your days were numbered.

You had something over everyone else; you knew how the angels fought and trained them daily. Using this knowledge to your advantage, you went through the town, trying to find anywhere you could start your new life. 

~~~ FLASH FORWARD 7 YEARS ~~~

You were lucky when you ran into Charlie. She was a godsend if god was even real. The Princess of Hell had the same morals and values as you, which you respected. Vaggie was also a pleasant surprise; you could tell a soldier you taught a mile away.

She remembered you as well. She kept to herself till you three made it to a safe place, Charleis's soon-to-be hotel. Once Charlie was out of earshot and working on getting supplies to heal everyone, she confronted you. 

Tears welled in her eyes when she asked what had happened. She was in shock when you explained how you ended up here. According to Vaggie, everyone was told that you died on a mission to hell.

The Sinners alerted Lucifer of your whereabouts, and he killed you; thus, in doing so, a protective force of angels was created. Fearmongering was the one thing Adam was damn good at. 

It was broken to you by Vaggie that your partner had moved on with another. He was in love and happy with another woman, one Adam hand-picked for him. You were devastated again; years of promises, lost nights, and romantic meetings disappeared. He gave up everything because Adam told him to.

You two agreed that your past lives in Heaven would no longer be discussed that night.

Crying your eyes out long after Vaggie returned to her shared room with Charlie, did you swear off love by taking your wedding band off and locking it in a drawer.

It was no longer a hidden fact that Lucifer had signed the deal with the Angels, and it was far less hidden knowledge that the relationship between King and Princess was strained.

The rag-tag group of residents was growing by the day. Angel Dust was fun, and you could quickly tell from how he talked and looked he wanted a way out. Soon after Charlie's broadcast, Alastor and his group, Husk and Nifty, joined the hotel's crew. Though the Radio Demon was creepy, you knew something was eating him deep inside. Nifty was a riot to get talking to and always brought you exciting things she found while cleaning. Husk was a perfect bartender, and you knew he would keep your dirty secrets for you. He was the only one you confided your past in. 

You supported Charlie wholeheartedly in her decision to overrule the exterminations. You were eager to help her prove that sinners could become winners. Look at you, for heaven's sake; if it could go one way, it had to go the other.

Sir Pentious was the last to join and was easy to talk to. He was awkward, but you loved his fabricated war stories and eggbois. Then, one day, he came along; you won't lie.

You were hesitant. I mean, he signed away Hell's right to life. You couldn't deny it, though; he was funny and ethereal. You swore off love, though, and you wouldn't let another break your heart again.

~~~~ Lucifer's POV ~~~~

When I got Charlie's call, I didn’t know what emotions to feel: sorrow, excitement, fear, jubilation. I was beyond myself, and as I finally answered the phone, all I could muster was, “Hey, Biiiiitch.”

Yeah, it was smooth of me to say that; however, it didn’t deter Charlie. She wanted me to come and visit her. I was over the moon; depression had nothing on me.

I looked at my hand as I was cleaning myself up and getting ready to go. Looking down and seeing that cursed band I once shared with the love of my life.

I found Lilith's ring left on her nightstand just days after her departure to who knows where. I couldn’t bring myself to take the ring off; it's all I had left of her; it reminds me to keep hoping she would forgive me; maybe I'll forgive myself. 

As I made my way to Charlie's hotel, thoughts pressed into my mind about how I wanted this reunion to go. It never occurred to me how much Charlie may have changed. Was she still the same woman I knew before we fought?

Sighing as I approached the door, I realized it was now or never. Let's do this, baby. What's the worst that could happen? She hates me and leaves me forever like her mother did, and now I am forever alone? Hahahahah NO!

I entered the hotel door, and jeez, what is this place?

Putting a smile on my face, I approached Charlie and hugged her, introducing myself to her girlfriend. Woah, I like girls, too. See, we can bond. As I was making my rounds with Charlie, meeting everyone, I saw her….She was….gorgeous. I could tell from her looks that she wasn’t an everyday Sinner, and something was different about her. 

After a brief and, might I say, victorious battle with this ‘Alastor’ fellow, I spent some time with my daughter, allowing her to show me around her hotel. As we stood atop the balcony, I made the first fatal error of the night. “So, CharChar, what is this all about?” 

Charlie rolled her eyes at me and excitedly smiled, “It’s a hotel to cleanse and rehabilitate Sinners! I told you this, Dad!” The excitement on her face was genuinely adorable, but she couldn’t do it. I couldn’t allow this. The elder angels would just hurt her like they did me. They already threatened my family once; I can’t let them do this again.

I knew by the look on Charlie's face that my reaction wasn’t what she was expecting. As I went to speak to her, a loud explosion was heard downstairs. 

We rushed down, and I saw an opportunity to prove to Charlie why we couldn’t follow this plan. As I ran forward to catch up with the others, I saw the mystery woman again. She was fighting alongside Alastor and his demons perfectly; she was beautiful and brilliant in battle, always expecting the next attack.

Once the sharks were dealt with and the young lady who seemed to know Alastor left, I turned back to Charlie and attempted to plead my case. “See Charlie, look, they are all the same; Sinners will never be redeemed; they will never go to heaven.” 

“You don’t know that, Dad, please.” The look on Charlie's face broke me, but this had to be done. I couldn’t let her get hurt. 

“What makes you so sure, Mr. King of Hell, that these people here can’t be redeemed?” This voice was new and soft.

I turned to the mystery girl. Her eyes were lit with a flame. I could see how much passion she had for my daughter's cause. As I went to speak back, Charlie interjected. 

“Father, I only want to do this for you, for my people. Your dreams are what gave me this goal.” I was taken aback. I was Charlie's prime motivation; my stories and goals helped her become this remarkable woman. 

“Your daughter is twice the ruler of you; she's willing to save her people; what are you willing to do?” The mystery woman had a point. I was a coward, too prideful of what I had to allow it to fall potentially. I looked at Charlie, and a moment formed between us. 

“Alright, let’s get Heaven on the line then.” I knew it was time to face my fear to help the people I pleaded for all those years ago. I may not be able to stand my ground due to the contract, but damn can my daughter and her friends do it. 

While Charlie started getting ready for her meeting, I was a nervous wreck. What if something happened to her? I knew the cruel hands that played in heaven and what could be done.

As I was pacing back and forth in the lobby, a figure stood before me, a drink in hand, and the other extended a glass to me. I looked up, and it was her; she was still just as beautiful as the first time I saw her. I gently took the glass and downed the concoction in it. “Thank you, uh, my name is Lucifer Morningstar, affamed fallen angel and father of Charlie.” 

“I know; I was here when everything went down.” She looked at me blankly. Of course, she was here. Jesus, could I be any lamer?

She snorted at my facial expression and stuck her hand out for me. “My name is Y/N; nice meeting you, Mr. King of Hell; it’s a pleasure. By the way, I only said all that because I knew it would strike a nerve in you. I learned from my past anyone prideful hates when their authority is challenged.” 

In her past, odd, there weren’t a lot of demons here who A would let someone challenge their authority and live, so she must be powerful, or B, she is speaking of her mortal life. However, something about both of those options did not seem quite right.

I nodded gently at her and sat at the bar. She soon tended to the others in the hotel, and I began to observe her. She acted like a mother, telling the others what to and not to do double-checking the other inhabitants of the hotel before they left the building.

Hell, she even talked to Alastor on some sort of equal ground. Something was different about her, so so different. I looked at my hand again while I took another swig of my refilled glass. Setting the glass down, I started to twirl the ring. Would Lilith have been this good to everyone? Would Lilith have even cared? 

I sighed; if I wanted to help Charlie, I had to let go of the past. I took the ring off, dropped it in the liquor, and went to the front door. As I reached for the handle, I was stopped by a soft hand on my wrist.

Turning, I saw Y/N, “Hey, one second, mister, you forgot this.” She placed the ring down in the palm of my hand. “I have been scorned by love too. Don’t get me wrong, I also took off my band long ago. However, I can say that though their memory is tainted now, you should enjoy the memories of good when you can. Helps keep the bad thoughts away.” She smiled up at me so brightly I couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Thank you, Y/N. I appreciate it. Do say you seem like a swell mother figure to all these people here. Why tie yourself to this place if you don’t want redemption? I remember what you said earlier, ‘All these people’, excluding yourself.” She stalled, hesitating about how she wanted to answer.

I just shook my head and smiled at her. I began to walk away back to my home. As I made my way back I heard Y/N shout, “COME BACK SOON LUCIFER!” For some reason, I really liked how my name sounded from her. 

~~~~~ Reader POV ~~~~~

You were sat at the hotel by yourself, Angel, and the others all went to a club while Charlie and Vaggie went to Heaven. You had time to think about the most recent occurrence in your life: Lucifer.

It was a whirlwind that day meeting him. So many emotions overtook you: fear, anger, an odd sense of curiosity. You couldn’t lie. He was attractive, and the way he was protective of Charlie was adorable. You never got to have children; your ex-husband never wanted them.

You don’t know what possessed you to speak to Lucifer like you did, telling him he was a lowly king. You used the excuse that you had done it to others in your past, which was valid; you and Adam argued a lot. Deep down, you knew, though, that's not why you did it. You wanted to protect Charlie and her dream. 

Sighing, you made your way around the building, ensuring the halls were clean and everything was orderly. You still weren't fond of all the allowed things here in hell, so going out with everyone was a once-in-a-blue moon.

It struck you as amusing when Lucifer commented on you being a mother figure because that is how everyone saw you. Hell, even Alastor commented one or two times that you reminded him of his angel of a mother. You just wanted the best for everyone; it wasn’t fair to die and then be killed again. 

You heard the lobby door open once you were done doing your rounds. Odd, typically, everyone stayed out way late, and the girls weren't expected back till tomorrow.

As you descended the stairs, you saw none other but the man plaguing your mind: Lucifer. Smiling softly, you met him at the base of the stairs, giving him a short wave. He smiled at you and announced that he figured everyone would be gone today and was going to help out Charlie. You snorted at him and explained how you stayed back to help but were more than pleased to allow him to keep you company. He took refuge at the bar, and you soon joined him.

You two talked for hours about so many things, from his life as an angel to your old mortal life. You guys even talked about the differences between Heaven and Hell. Hopefully, you weren't giving your old station away to him, but a part of you didn’t care.

By the time you two got to the dreaded conversation about relationships, you were inebriated. You recounted your betrayal to Lucifer, holding nothing back. From your teenage years with your ex till the day he turned from you while Adam pushed you. Lucifer looked so heartbroken for you.

He gently pushed some hair out of your face when he said, “I am so sorry that happened to you, Y/N. I knew something was different about you, so you too fell from that dreaded cliff like I.” You nodded sadly. 

Lucfier explained why he made his decisions and how Charlie's life was threatened if he didn’t end Lilith’s music and allow the Exorcist to come down. He told you something interesting about the clause of the agreement: No Hell Born Could Be Harmed In The Extermination Less The Binding Be Null And Void.

This was amusing to you; even after singing his people away for slaughter, he was still concerned the angels would trick him and harm his child. He was always thinking about those he loved. It was endearing.

How could someone leave such a handsome, kind, protective man? The thought even crossed your mind that Lucifer would have fallen with you if he had been your husband instead of letting Adam take the lead.

As these thoughts crossed your mind, you didn’t realize how close your two faces were getting. Before you knew it, your lips were touching Lucifers gently. Seconds passed, and his hands were buried in your hair, kissing you with a passion you never got from your ex. 

As you two broke apart, the doors to the hotel opened again. Angel came running over to you, noticing your state of drunkenness. He apologized to Lucifer, stating you never really drank much and took you to your room.

You smiled softly as Lucifer said a quick ‘goodbye’ and ‘good night’ to you before drifting off to sleep. Your dreams that night were full of Lucifer, his beauty, charisma, and devotion eating you alive. You may have sworn off love, but for him to love you how he once loved Lilith would be beautiful. 

~~~~~ TIME SKIP ~~~~~

Months had passed since your night with Lucifer, and a whole war between you at the hotel and the angels broke out. Everyone learned of your past in Heaven from Adam before he perished.

You felt free, no longer chained to the past that harmed you. Now you had something more to look forward to. Though you and Lucifer never spoke of that night again, you held the memory close. He loved Lilith a lot, and especially Charlie; for all you knew, when he kissed you that night, he was just imagining Lilith once more. It hurts to think that, but you must be true to yourself. 

After Adam's carnage, it was awkward for you and Lucifer. You two avoided eye contact and only spoke when you had to. However, as time passed and you both pretended the night alone never happened, things changed.

You and Lucifer did become fast friends, though. Having shared a fall from heaven, deep heart break, and even more so a hotel together it was hard not too. It was hard ever to see you two separated from one another. Laughing, joking, talking, and even debating over effective ways to pull in more Sinners.

You two became more affectionate as well, his hand on the small of your back, him guiding you by his arm, or even you adjusting his cravat and making him his favorite teas. To onlookers, it seemed like you two were married. 

It was so compelling that you two were married that even Charlie told you she would be fine if you loved her dad.

Love…That's such a strong word. Is that what you felt? You can’t lie. You fantasize about it. You were scared, though. What if he let you down like your ex did? Can you handle being a mom to Charlie, not just a figure, a real mom taking the spot Lilith left? That was a worry, too; what about Lilith if she returned? Would he go back to her?

Would you be left so suddenly again? 

While your mind raced, you mindlessly swept the corner of your room, thinking deeply about this debacle. When suddenly, your door bursts open. 

~~~~~ Lucifer’s POV ~~~~~

I was ecstatic after my night with Y/N. She was excellent, calm, cunning, and articulate. She also knew my pain of the angels turning on you. The kiss meant so much to me. I was finally feeling things I hadn’t felt before Lilith left.

Lilith….was I ready to move on? Could I move on?

When I closed my eyes that night, I saw both old memories of Lilith and the times we had, but also new visions of Y/N and all we could be. She was terrific; if only I could get to know her more and see how she felt. She also stated she swore off love, too.

Would I be included? 

When the day came for the extermination, I couldn’t bear to turn on the news; I didn’t want to see Charlie's dreams get crushed. I sat and waited, staring at the clock. As soon as the chaos broke out, I was up and pacing.

It wasn’t just Charlie; I was worried about Y/N being there too. Yes, she was a fighter and trained those Angels, but what if the worst happened? What if you died protecting Charlie?

That's one thing he loved: how motherly you were for his daughter. Not that Lilith never was, but it was clear to him that no matter how hard life got, you would stand by those you loved side.

Why couldn’t Lilith have done that for them? 

That was when I felt the tug, a complex, sudden pull. Half of the signed agreement shriveled; that only meant one thing.

I ran as fast as I could to the hotel; once I saw the carnage, I flew to protect Charlie. It was Adam, the man who turned the heavens against me, who turned heaven against you. Years of pent-up rage and a new passion for protecting Y/N overtook me as Charlie and I took down the angels.

Once the battle felt calm, everyone began looking for you and Alastor. Honestly, I could care less about the Radio Demon. He gave me bad vibes, but you were missing. You went in to save Vaggie from Lute; however, no one saw you anywhere when the building collapsed. 

Shouting, digging through rubble, I heard Charlie yell out that she had found you. Sighing now that I knew you were alive and only minorly injured, we cleaned up.

With a bit of magic and a whap bam boom, we had a new Hazbin Hotel, oh and Alastor returned. I wanted to discuss your past with you about a potential us, but I couldn’t. You looked so happy now that the chains of your past were broken. 

The next couple of months were odd, for sure. I couldn't stand to look Y/N in the eyes, and though I yearned for her, I couldn't bear the weight of rejection again.

I tried, though, to show her how much I wanted her in subtle ways. What was a once-stolen night became a close friendship. I could tell her anything and everything. She was like a breath of fresh air; she never denied any of the ideas Charlie or I had, instead helping make them better. With her and I’s past with heaven, we knew how to overcome the obstacles they would throw. 

Before I knew it, I craved her touch and comfort, and she gave it to me. Small lingering touches of hands, hugs that lasted too long, small gifts and favors never asked for. I was falling and falling hard. She was everything I could want. I loved Y/N.

Oh god, I loved Y/N. I was a wreck seeking counsel from the only other person who knew me best, Charlie. She was so happy, begging me to confess and tell Y/N how I felt. Could I, though? Would she accept me? Could she take the new title of Queen of Hell? 

As I lay in bed pondering the conversation Charlie and I had, thinking of the new memories I had made with Y/N, I was stuck. Confess and have a happy new life, or confess, and she leaves me, too. You weren't one to go, though I knew that. What if, though, you weren't ready?

I closed my eyes and let my mind wander; I saw Y/N in a beautiful dress at our wedding, Y/N giving me another child, and Y/N fighting alongside Charlie and me. That’s it; I can’t hold back any longer.

I dressed myself in my robe and marched my way to your door. I began to knock, but I heard nothing in the room. Sighing because I knew Y/N had to be in here, I busted the door open, and there you were, staring off into space so cutely.

Shit.

~~~~~ Readers POV ~~~~~

The noise startled you from your thoughts. There before you stood Lucifer in his robes. Smirking, You turned away from the man and laughed gently into your hand. “What are you doing here, goober? It's the middle of the night, and you are very underdressed.”

No questions were answered, though, as Lucifer approached you; he stood there staring you in the eyes. You didn’t know what this look meant, but it was intense. Had you offended him? 

As you went to speak again, Lucifer placed one of his hands on your cheek, cupping your face. You looked at his hand and back up at him; you were breathing too fast. As you two looked at one another, no words were uttered; slowly, Lucifer placed his other hand on your waist.

You laid claim to his chest with your hands gently splayed there. Something in his eyes begged you to be closer and not push him away. How could you? He was holding you in a way that you had only dreamed of. 

Lucfier moved closer to your face, your lips mere inches apart when he spoke, “Y/N, I love you. No, that doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings. I am fascinated, lust-filled, and desire you and you alone. I want forever to be with you, a time I only thought possible with one person who never intended to fill that role. A forever purely our own with our family. A future dedicated to following dreams and passion. Following our love. Will you stay with me, Y/N? Please stay with me.” 

You were speechless, your mouth slightly agape, and you didn’t know how to process such emotions. You were overwhelmed and so excited. You knew if you took any longer to confirm or deny him he would leave and never speak of this, just like the kiss before.

You did the only thing you thought you could at that moment. You wrapped your arms around his neck and closed the gap. Kissing Lucifer this time felt just as good, if not better, than the last. Your hands tied in his hair, holding him close. His hands are keeping you in place, his kiss fierce and dominating. Before you knew it, he had his hands just under the cusp of your ass, prompting you to jump. As you did, you never broke the kiss. 

Lucifer leads you to the nearest wall, kissing your lips and neck. This was everything you dreamed of, everything you wanted. Each kiss was a contract that you two would never hurt the other as your partners did.

You felt alive, like electricity was coursing through your veins. Every kiss made a new pattern in your heart, soon beating in time with Lucifers. The heated kisses died down and turned into soft, light ones. Placing your feet back on the ground, you hugged Lucifer close, his head buried in your neck and yours in his. 

You smiled a large smile before whispering, “I will always stay by your side, Lucifer. You and Charlie are my reason, my purpose now.” You could feel his smile next to your ear without ever having to open his mouth.

You were so happy.

You two heard a shutter sound as you pulled away, and a bright flash erupted behind Lucifer. As you turned to the door, everyone stood there: Charlie was happy and clapping, Vaggie was giving a thumbs up, Alastor was holding the camera, Nifty was making gagging sounds, and Angel was smirking. You laughed wholeheartedly; who knew a broken heart would beat again?

My good friend @willowaudreykeyes helped me with the editing a bit! I appreciate the effort and time they put into assisting me. Even though we live halfway across the world from one another, you have my back!

[shhh-no-ones-home]

Food for thought*

Timmy!Wonka x reader

+++++++++

Promt: he can't get enough of dinner, they can't get enough of each other.

*- boy howdy this is spicy

Tags: @hotchaosemporium thanks for the pre read 😘

Also I added this from my phone instead of my laptop so if the spacing is weird that's why

Song: sweetest pie by Dua lipa

+++++++++

i smiled when i heard the front door creak open of our old house. it had seemed like such a long day. but he was finally home. so it didnt have to feel that way anymore

"y/n?"

he called out.

"in here."

i yelled back, stirring the pot in front of me.

"something smells good."

he mentioned as he stepped through the doorway of our tiny kitchen. it seemed even tinier with his shelves of ingredients lining the walls, the two-person table being the only surface uncovered.

"i made dinner. i hope you like it."

he hummed in content as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"looks good too."

he commented, and i could feel him smile as he placed a gentle kiss against my neck.

"roasted quail with garlic potatoes and sauteed green beans. and a little something for desert but youll have to wait for that. its still baking."

he groaned and squeezed me tightly to him.

"that sounds amazing! after the day ive had i am starving."

I just kept pushing the green beans around in the butter.

"Here, taste."

I scooped one out, pinched it between my fingers and held it up to him. I watched him intently as he bit it slowly. He moaned, rolling his eyes as he bit the rest out of my hand.

"Absolutely amazing."

God he was beautiful. How did I get so lucky.

"Then I think it might be ready."

I pulled away from him and turned the stove off, grabbing plates down from the cabinet.

"I think you might be right."

He said picking another bean out of the pan and crunching on it.

"Here before you burn yourself."

I laughed, handing him the plate and he gave me a playful smile.

"I just can't help it."

He stated, going for another one.

"Willy!"

I called, handing him a fork.

"No!"

He protested, laughing as he shoved it in his mouth.

"Fine, if you won't listen and not burn yourself I'll just have to do it for you."

I stabbed a potato with my fork and offered it to him. He leaned forward and bit into it, his lips wrapping around it as his eyes rolled back into his head.

"What did I do to deserve such a wonderful chef as yourself."

He complimented as he pulled me to him, taking the rest of the potato into his mouth. I swallowed hard, watching him intently.

"Sometimes I ask myself the same question."

Then to my surprise he took the fork from me, placing it on the counter.

"Dinner can wait."

He said, kissing me deeply. I could feel the heat rising in my body as he gripped my waist.

"Delicious."

I said, giggling as he pulled away. He tasted like garlic now. He smirked at me.

"Yes you are."

He said lowly, pushing me towards the table. When my back hit it he lifted me on top of it before yanking his silk scarf off. I watched his Adams apple bob up and down as he swallowed, leaning down and kissing me harshly.

"Will-"

I moaned into his mouth as he pushed his hips into mine, cutting me off as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. He ground his hips into mine and I could feel him getting harder. As he kissed me I reached up and started unbuttoning his vest, pulling it down his arms before going back and doing the same to his shirt.

"God I love you."

He panted, reaching for the hem of my dress and lifting it above my legs so it was sitting on my waist.

"I love you too."

I said, pulling his lips to mine, pushing his trousers down in one swift motion. As we kissed I could feel him unlacing my dress, the cold air hitting my chest as part of it fell down my shoulder.

"I need to taste you."

He said breathily, dropping to his knees. I leaned back, lifting one leg over his shoulder. A shiver ran down my spine as his warm breath brushed over my thighs. In a moment his mouth was on me, licking a stripe up my folds. My hand immediately found home in his soft brown curls, lifting my leg higher as he sucked against my clit.

"Please."

I whined, feeling him moan into me, circling his tongue against my clit. Then he added one finger, pushing into me. Then another, pumping slowly as he sucked and bit at me. I dropped my head back.

"Will-"

I gasped out, my legs shaking against him, dragginf my heel up and into his shoulder blade. He licked at me a few times before standing up, his eyes glossed over and spit dripping down his chin.

"Gorgeous."

He breathed out, kissing me harshly. He moaned into me as he pushed his hips to mine. I could feel his rock hard cock against my folds and scooted my hips closer.

"I need you."

I whined, reaching down and grabbing him, dragging his head between my folds. He squeezed my thigh and pushed into me. I gasped, my head dropping back as he filled me. He took that as a sign and started kissing and sucking against my neck. He hummed against me as he rocked his hips back and forth.

"Right there."

I sighed, wrapping my legs around his waist and pushing him deeper. He let out a whiney moan as I scraped my nails down his back lightly.

"Fuck."

He gasped, picking up his pace, slamming his hips into mine. I held onto him tightly as he began to pound into me. I could feel the knot in my stomach. He kissed down my neck again, pulling one hand up to toy with my exposed nipple. I moaned loudly as he pinched it, rolling it between his fingers.

"Keep going!"

I moaned out, rocking my hips against his.

"Lay back."

He instructed, helping me against the table. He pulled my dress up more before reaching forward and kneading my breast.

"So beautiful for me."

He said, digging his fingertips into my hip as he picked up the pace. I watched him intently as he let go of my breast, sucking his thumb before reaching down and circling my clit. I arched my back against him as my orgasm ran through my body. My legs were quivering and he continued rubbing my clit.

"One more. I believe in you."

He said softly, his pace losing its rhythm.

"Oh my God."

I squeezed my eyes shut as I clenched around him, reaching down and grabbing his wrist to make him stop. I could feel him cum inside me with that motion as I released a second time. His pace slowed and all I could hear was both of our heavy breathing, my heart pounding in my ears. It took me a moment before coming back to reality. He was hunched over me, sweat dripping off his curls and onto my chest. I could feel him softening in me, both of our cum dripping onto the table as he pulled out.

"Let's eat dinner so we can do that again."

He panted and I laughed, sitting upright and kissing him. He smiled against me as I pulled away.

"I could stand to go another round. Before desert."

His eyes lit up and he smirked at me.

"Believe me darling, we won't make it to desert."

[notiddygothgf]

4. Taste Like Nicotine

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝ Go back to Himeno. ❞ ❝ No. That's not what you want. ❞

★ c.w.: suggestive themes, drinking (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: HELLO AGAIN MY POOKIE DOOKIES!! IM BACK AGAIN. bc i have nothing better to do atm and i wanted to give yall a lil sum sum before i moved away to uni. please excuse the pacing of this chapter -- this fanfic was supposed to be a oneshot and uh... now its 160 pages in google docs LMFAOOA.. things get spicy in this chapterrr! so yeah anyway, you know the drill, keep me entertained -- keep your funny little comments coming, I absolutely love reading them. You guys motivate me to keep going! Love yall

★ w.c.;4.1k

shameless ; chapter index

THE OFFICE WAS QUIET, the hum of fluorescent lights and the occasional rustling of papers the only sounds that broke the silence. You were alone, finishing up some last-minute paperwork after hours. The mission had gone surprisingly well—no casualties, a rare feat in your line of work. The team had even managed to kill a large Devil containing a piece of Gun Devil Flesh, a significant victory. Yet, instead of joining the others to celebrate, you had chosen to stay behind. Partly to avoid any awkward encounters with Himeno, but mostly because you felt restless, unable to shake off the events of the past few days.

As you finished up the last of your reports, you glanced at the new message on your phone.

HIMENO| you didn't come tonight.

Typing...

YOU

| I didn't think you'd wanna see me after the stunt I pulled.

HIMENO| I dont, but I wanted u to know that everyone is talking abt u

YOU

| ??

| wym

HIMENO

| your shadow didn't come tonight, either.

Typing...

YOU| look, himeno, ive actually been wanting to talk to you about that

| would you be able to meet up and talk it out?

HIMENO| id rather not honestly.

| ur a grown woman and i cant stop u from doing what u want

| but just know that people in pb. safety talk

| dont mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for aki

| u should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs

YOU| I understand that I've hurt you, Himeno, and I'm sorry

| I have no intentions of being with Aki.

HIMENO| good

| dont get him mixed up in ur fucked up marriage

|  he doesnt deserve that.

You sighed, pocketing your phone. There were certain battles you simply couldn't win. This would undoubtedly be one of them.

It was late, and you knew you should head home. You gathered your things and made your way down the dimly lit hallways, your footsteps echoing in the emptiness.

As you passed the breakroom, you heard voices. One familiar voice, more specifically.

You slowed your pace, not wanting to intrude but curious enough to catch a snippet of the conversation. The door was slightly ajar, and you could see two figures inside.

"You look desperate, dude," the unknown person said, barely audible. "It's not attractive."

"I'm becoming ridiculous," Captain Hayakawa said, his voice low and strained. "I'm losing hope."

"Hope of what? Convincing a married woman to break her vows?" the other person retorted, a hint of incredulity in his tone.

Are they talking about me? You asked. You knew the answer. You simply did not want to confront it.

Hayakawa sighed. "I thought she would call me by now," he admitted, the vulnerability in his voice making your stomach churn uncomfortably. "I just... there was something there."

There was a pause, then the other person sighed, his voice softening. "God, you are ridiculous." After a moment, he added, almost reluctantly, "Shit, sorry, man. I know you like her."

"No, you're right," He replied, a note of resignation following his words. "She doesn't want to speak to me. I'm driving myself crazy waiting for someone who's never gonna call."

You felt a knot tighten in your stomach, guilt and confusion swirling together. You hadn't intended to eavesdrop, but now you couldn't just walk away without feeling a pang of something—regret, perhaps? The slip of paper with his number, still in your possession, weighed heavily in your mind. You had been avoiding the situation, avoiding him, and now it was clear how much it had affected him.

Aki's words echoed in your ears as you stood frozen in the hallway.

He was right; you hadn't called him. You hadn't even acknowledged the note, too caught up in your own turmoil and guilt to consider his feelings. Now, hearing him speak so openly, you felt a rush of emotions—sympathy, guilt, confusion. There had been a moment between you, an undeniable spark, but you had chosen to ignore it, to pretend it didn't exist.

When would it all come crashing down – your efforts? This whole situation?

The conversation in the breakroom continued, but you couldn't listen any longer. You turned away, your heart pounding. As you made your way to the exit, you couldn't help but replay Aki's words in your mind.

He had been waiting for you, hoping you would reach out, and now he was losing hope. Fuck.

He had been waiting for me.

The idea thrilled you, for some strange reason. Maybe because you hadn't felt desired like this in years – it made your head spin. But another part of you was terrified—of what it might mean, of the complications it would bring, of the impact on your marriage.

You couldn't help yourself. You did what you always did. You ran away from him.

You knew you couldn't avoid him forever, but for now, you needed time to think. .

7:45 PM

Typing... 

Hey. |

Typing...

Hello, |

Typing...

How are you? |

Typing...

Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party. I think you should be there.

SENT.

YOU | Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party.

I think you should be there.

| At the Sip-n-savor in downtown Tokyo

Seen 8:00 PM .

The night went on without a flaw. The atmosphere was infectious, and you had been trying to let loose, drink in hand, as you chatted and danced with the others. But as the night wore on, a sense of unease settled in. Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was the memories of the overheard conversation in the breakroom, or maybe it was the subtle disappointment that someone hadn't shown up.

Excusing yourself, you made your way to the bathroom. The mirror reflected your flushed cheeks and slightly smudged makeup. You sighed, turning on the faucet and splashing some water on your face. As you washed your hands, you found yourself thinking about Aki.

Despite everything, a depraved part of you had hoped to see him tonight. You had been both relieved and disappointed when he hadn't shown up—relieved because it meant avoiding an awkward conversation, disappointed because you had been... well, actually looking forward to seeing him.

As you touched up your makeup, you couldn't help but reflect on your own conflicted feelings. You were married, committed, and yet, Aki had stirred something in you that you simply couldn't stand to ignore. It was confusing, disorienting. You weren't sure what you felt more strongly: guilt for being drawn to him or frustration that you couldn't just let it go.

"Ugh," You groaned, pressing your forehead against the sink. "'M g'nna be sick."

Feeling a bit lightheaded from the drinks, you decided to step outside for some fresh air. You left the bathroom and – completely drunk – maneuvered through the crowds to the nearest door.

The cool night breeze was a welcome relief against your warm skin, and you leaned against the balcony railing, taking deep breaths. The city lights twinkled below, and you watched them in a daze, trying to steady your thoughts.

That's when you saw him.

Aki was just entering the party, his sharp suit and dark hair making him stand out immediately. You felt your heart skip a beat. Then another. He was killing you.

He came, you thought, a strange mix of emotions flooding you. Relief, excitement, and that persistent undercurrent of guilt all tangled together.

He spotted you almost immediately and made his way over. As he approached, you couldn't help but think how painfully gorgeous he looked, the dim lighting casting a soft glow on his features. In that moment, he seemed almost like a knight in shining armor, a figure out of place in the lively, chaotic setting of the bar.

"Hey," he greeted, his voice smooth and warm, a balm to your nerves.

"Hey," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady despite the fluttering in your chest.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, a slight concern in his tone. "You're not cold?"

He always seemed to be worried about you and the weather. Still, the chill felt nice against your hot skin, oddly enough.

I missed you, you didn't say. You didn't even think about it. You knew that in a day you would be back on the train and all of this would just be a bad dream, anyway.

You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. "No, I just needed some air. It's a bit stuffy in there."

Aki didn't respond immediately, and when you turned your head up to look at him, his expression was unreadable. The noise from inside the bar seemed distant, the world narrowing down to just the two of you in that moment. You felt a tug in your chest, a pull towards him that you couldn't explain, couldn't deny.

"Did you pregame the bar, or something?" You laughed quietly. It felt nice, being able to pretend nothing had ever happened between the two of you and just... enjoy each other's company. "You smell like beer."

"I was having a few drinks with my roommate before you texted me," He answered. Then, looking out onto the street, he added, "He told me I shouldn't come tonight. Said you're driving me crazy."

"So, why are you here, then?" You asked.

He looked at you. "I think you know why I'm here."

There was a brief silence, comfortable yet charged with the unspoken. You glanced at him, noticing the way his eyes lingered on you, soft but searching. It was the same look he had given you in the seminar, the museum, everywhere else, and it stirred something deep inside you.

You hated the way he made you feel.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked you. His voice was as deep and rich as ever, and you had about half a mind to take him up on the offer.

You shivered. You knew it wasn't from the cold air. It was him – the smell of him, his cologne, the distinct scent of nicotine that let you know he had just finished smoking a cigarette. It was an aroma so unique to him that you had grown to like it.

You were looking at his lips before you knew it, giving way to a craving you couldn't explain, "I'll try a cigarette, if you have any."

He smiled softly, reaching into his pocket and flipping open a carton of cigarettes and a lighter. He placed a cancer stick between your lips, and you felt a part of you die a little. He struck the wheel of the lighter, bringing the cigarette to life.

You coughed so hard that you nearly hacked up a lung. It had been years since your last cigarette.

Hayakawa stepped behind you, cupping a hand around your elbow, sliding it up your arm, your wrist, your fingers before he plucked the cigarette from your digits.

"First time?" He asked, warm voice hot against your neck.

"Wanted to give it a try," You shrugged. You didn't know what, exactly, had gotten into you. It seemed that with every sip of liquor you took lately, you crept closer and closer back to your old self. The sort of liquid courage that made people make very bad decisions. "Sorry. I'm a little," You waved your hands around yourself, trying to gesture 'drunk' without actually saying it.

"How brave of you," He murmured, pulling a hit from your cigarette and exhaling. He was the picture of sin – face flushed with alcohol, messy bangs, pink lips wrapped around a cancer stick. He was so pretty it hurt.

"I'll try it again when I'm sober," You offered.

"When?" He asked, breathing smoke out into the air. "Where?"

As persistent as always, you thought. Still, you didn't necessarily mind the attention anymore. You told yourself that it didn't matter – you would be out of here soon anyway, and everything would be far behind you before you knew it.

"Why is it that every time I'm inebriated... God tests me by throwing you in my way?" You laughed, Truly, you wished you had considered the implications of your words a little more before you had said them. "Just as I thought your manners had improved since the party. You behaved badly, then. You know that? Very badly," you hiccuped. "You should be ashamed of yourself, throwing– hic–throwing yourself at a married woman like that."

He didn't acknowledge your drunken ramblings, and he also didn't deny the fact that he had been doing exactly that – throwing himself at a married woman.

"Hardly my fault," He breathed out. "I just can't seem to resist you."

"Don't worry," You replied, eyeing him up dubiously as he pulled another hit from what was left of your cigarette. "I'm leaving tomorrow. Won't have to worry about resisting me after that."

"I know," He answered back. "Selfishly enough, I spent the last few hours wishing your train got delayed one more day, or something like that," He exhaled, then snuffed his cigarette out on the balcony, "Still, I'm glad I could see you before you went home."

"I wish I could say the same about you," You replied before you could stop the words from coming out.

He poked his tongue through the inside of his cheek, retorting, "You're gonna sit here and act like you didn't invite me? Like your eyes didn't light up like a child when you saw me pull up?" He turned around, commanding even more of your attention, standing at least a foot and a half taller than you. "You wanted me to come tonight."

It was true. That's the worst part. Everything he said was the truth.

"So that I could say goodbye," You said with remarkable finality, "I'm leaving after this."

You hadn't originally planned on leaving so soon, of course, but you wanted to get the hell out of here before you made another bad decision.

"Already?" He asked.

"You're the one who ran late," You replied. "This ends tonight. I'm going to say bye to everyone else, then I'll be gone."

With that being said, you made your way back to the door. You would go inside, bid everyone farewell, collect your belongings, and then–

He called your name before you could go back inside. You froze in place.

"Am I misreading the signals?" He asked.

You sighed, turning around one last time to clear the air, "This has to stop, Aki. You make me feel like... like I'm guilty of something."

He implored you, "What do you want me to do?"

"Go back to Himeno," You answered, a biting undertone seeping through your words. You were undeniably bitter about the whole situation, and under any other circumstances, you would have tried to be a good sport, but...

Himeno's words were a heavy weight on your heart.

'Don't mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for Aki.'

'You should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs."

You could never be what Aki wanted. He wanted all of you – not just a week of you, clearly. You were married, and you couldn't let all of that go over a guy you'd been toeing the line with for what seemed like ages.

He was a young man. The fact of the matter was that you were a grown woman. A married one.

"She's a sweet, kind woman," You continued. You felt like you were going to be sick just being near him. Unknowingly, tears began to prickle at the corners of your eyes. "Go back and beg her to forgive you. Go be with someone who wants to be with you. Who can be with you."

"No," He answered simply. There was an intensity in his eyes that frightened you, like he would die without you, as he continued, "That's not what you want. I think we both know that. I refused a mission in Hiroshima to stay here with you. I planned to let go of another one in Beijing," He swallowed, "I can change my mind, and you'll never see me again."

"If you have any consideration for me," Your voice was a shuddering whisper, like someone could walk out any minute and hear the two of you going back and forth. "Any semblance– a shrivel of compassion, you'll give me back my peace."

He shook his head, "I can't. You know I can't. You've consumed every inch of my peace, every inch of my mind. How can I give you your peace?"

Fair point.

You had nothing to say to him. So, silently, your vision blurred with tears, you glared at him. Glared and frowned like that would make you believe he was the sole contributor to this issue. Then, again, you turned on your heel and went for the door. You entered the bar quickly.

He followed not too long after you, "I'll go to Beijing, then."

"No." You said. Your teary-eyed fury caught the eyes of more than a few confused bar patrons. "I don't want you to go."

Everyone was looking at you. Seriously, everyone. Your old coworkers, the bartenders, everybody.

You swallowed down your pride, bowing down before them all. "Good night, everyone," You said. You plucked your purse and your jacket off of the barstool. "Thank you for everything. I'm leaving."

Ignoring the confused looks and hushed whispers from the patrons, you exited the bar, your mind a whirlwind of emotions. The rain had started to fall, a soft drizzle quickly turning into a steady downpour. You barely noticed, too wrapped up in the turmoil inside your head. The cold, wet sensation of the rain soaked through your clothes, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You just needed to get away, to clear your mind.

But of course, Aki followed after you. You could hear him calling your name, his voice barely audible over the sound of the rain. You quickened your pace, almost running, your heels splashing through puddles as you made your way down the block. His footsteps pounded behind you, matching your speed. You couldn't escape him, couldn't outrun him.

Finally, he caught up to you, grabbing your arm to stop you. "Wait, can we please talk?" he pleaded, his voice breathless and desperate.

You turned to face him, rain pouring down around you both. His hair was plastered to his forehead, his suit jacket soaked through. The intensity in his eyes matched the storm, a fierce determination that made your heart ache. You met his gaze begrudgingly, not wanting to deal with this, not wanting to deal with him.

"Have I really been imagining all of this?" He asked. He sounded broken. "Is it really all in my head? Tell me if it's a lie. Tell me to leave you alone. Tell me you mean it—all of it," he paused, taking a shuddering breath. "Or tell me the truth."

You swallowed hard, the weight of the situation crashing down on you. "I don't know how to feel, Aki," you finally admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I'm trying to be good, but you just keep fucking—popping up everywhere. And you say these pretty things to me, and," You choked back a sob, struggling to find the right words. "I can't help myself around you."

"Running from your problems won't make me go away," he said, stepping forward to put his hands gently on your waist.

There was a long pause as you stood there in the rain, staring at each other. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you. The storm, the bar, everything else was just a blur. You were tired—tired of running, tired of the confusion, tired of pretending that everything was fine when it wasn't.

He added, "You can't run from your feelings."

This time, it was his eyes that dropped to your lips. His tongue darted out to dampen his own, and then his eyes flicked up to your face. When he spoke, his voice was huskier than before, as if it had been tainted by an emotion that hadn't been there before. Was it lust? Passion? Whatever it was, you wanted more of it.

Your eyes widened. Your mouth had run dry. You didn't know what to say. Even being like this right now -- as close as you were, -- was against your wedding vows. This was wrong, and you couldn't do that to your own husband.

Your own husband who loved you so dearly.

Your own husband who left you hanging so many nights on end.

Your own husband, who acted as if he couldn't care if you lived or died.

As if he had sensed your train of thought wandering, Aki placed two fingers beneath your chin, lifting your face up until he was the captor of all of your attention. Him and him alone. Not your husband, but him.

"I could treat you like a princess," His eyes wandered down to your lips again, but this time there was an unspoken hunger within them. "All you have to do is ask, and I'm yours. I already am."

And, God, what a fool you had been in uttering the words, "Don't toy with my emotions. You don't want me."

He paused, awaiting something, anything. His eyes pleaded with your own, luring you in with promises of pleasure and happiness. Gently, he grabbed your hand, placing it over his breast, right above his heart.

"I want you so badly it hurts," He breathed, "For a night, for a day, for a week..." Aki closed the gap between the two of you – brought your faces closer together. Closer, until you could feel the warmth of his calm breath fanning out against your cheek. Closer, until he uttered, "As long as you'll let me have you."

"Aki, I can't-...." You paused. Yet, still, you never moved. Your body betrayed your words, dilated pupils and trembling hands giving way to your internal dilemma. "This is wrong. You know I can't do this."

You were being a hypocrite. You knew you were. One spare glance down at the placement of your hands on his chest -- one over his breast and one looped around his tie -- and you knew he could tell you were only putting up a front.

"I know," he murmured softly, words practically dying beneath the volume of the rain, "But I can't stop thinking about you."

You folded. Your eyes dropped down to his lips one last time, and that's when you knew he had already won.

Fuck it.

"Fuck you," you muttered, feeling a surge of reckless abandon.

Without thinking, you reached out and pulled him towards you, crashing your lips against his in a desperate, frenzied kiss. It was messy and wet, your tears mixing with the rain, your hands tangling in his hair as his arms finally wrapped around you.

The kiss was filled with all the pent-up emotions, the longing, the frustration, the desire. It was passion, it was anger – it was tongue and teeth and lips smearing your lipstick over the lower half of your face. It was two black holes finally colliding after circling around each other far too long.

"I can't make sense of it. I want... you," you sighed, pulling away, voice trembling, "I don't know what any of this means anymore. I don't know what to think."

"Then don't," he whispered, his breath warm against your lips. He tasted like cigarette smoke, beer and mint gum – a flavor so utterly addicting that you couldn't seem to get enough of it. "Don't think. Let me take you back to your room."

You hesitated, the reality of the situation hitting you. This was crossing a line, a line you couldn't uncross. But as you looked into his eyes, saw the same turmoil reflected back at you, you felt your resolve crumble.

You were tired of pretending.

"Okay," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the rain. It was a final, resigned acceptance, the last nail in the coffin of your restraint.

You were tired of running from the inevitable.

a/n: dont hate me. LMFAOAOAOOAOA. i had to! i absolutely loved writing this chapter and i loved writing tipsy obsessed aki. i headcannon that he's a touchy needy bf and no one can tell me otherwise. i think you all know what happens next. im not sayin nothin tho. hehe. ANYWAYYYYY LMK WHAT YALL THOUGHTTTTT i look forward to hearing it!!! lmk what yall wanna see in the next few chapters/over the course of the story. and if youve already watched anna karenina (or read, in which case... how...) shhhhhh youve seen nothing. muah! x

credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

taglist: @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @acethebrave , @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505

wanna join the taglist? | shameless ; chapter index

[z-coil]

Miss Concrete i love her so much I’ve been putting off writing a little review of her for months because I worry i will never come up with the words to do her justice, ....everyone i ask to sniff this one tells me something different...Some say mint, ive heard Orbit Bubblemint gum, others spices, other people say it is like a cleaning solution.... I feel like the packaging and name r not really relevant to how it actually smells, even in a more abstract sense i dont feel like concrete is a good representation. Its dry, spicy, sweet, a bit metallic. (not as metallic as cdg2, concrete is spicier/woodier/more masc) Reminds me of high school geometry homework and the sound staplers make and a grayish lavender color and root beer scented stickers. ..Like a seltzer drink...bubbly. despite its sweet notes i feel like it is not overwhelmingly feminine. It lasts a long time on skin and projection is quite good I feel so sexy and Me when i wear it. i’ve been rationing out my sample for a few months now😅 of all CDG’s fragrances this one and 2 are my faves

[ask-rok]

what is the best food to eat during cold weather in your opinion?

To be honest, what ever keeps me warm through the winters!

My top favorites are:

Budae- jjigae! Or known as Army Base Stew! This dish was invented during the Korean war when the American army was stationed in Uijeongbu, near Seoul! What ever what as the army base (ham, cheese, spam) was added to this dish.

Another good classic is Seolleongtang or Ox Bone soup! It's super popular and is served with a side of kimchi and rice!

And lastly my personal fav is Kimchi- jjigae or Kimchi stew! its a super warm, hearty and spicy dish that will warm you up in no time in the winter! I don't think ive ever heard of anything negative about this dish!

Honestly, i drink the broths first and then get to business of the stew part!

[silvergyus]

omg i exclusively watch asmr on youtube haha 😭 i find the ambience to be more soothing to me,, some tiktok asmrtists tend to have that like led background lighting and i dont dig it personally!! its pretty but not for me :> and i havent found many on tiktok that dont have it! lmk if the ones you recommended do/don’t !! ill check them out :D

i really love the “something in your eye” too!!!! any personal attention, face touching, camera touching, visual triggers etc are my fav especially light triggers 😭 it makes no sense to me because any other lighting in the background can throw me off but light from a pen sends me to sleep so good

ive been really enjoying patrick’s asmr recently ! i tend to just scroll on youtube until i find something that hits lol but he’s one i’ve been going back to for a while!

i also listen to some boyfriend asmr BUT it needs to be asmr and not just… roleplay 😭 a good example i can give is lampyrid asmr he’s so so good !!! triggers are so nice and he makes the whole “boyfriend” theme not too cringe if ykwim? sometimes i just want to be comforted while listening to asmr and imo he does it so wellllll

I def know what you mean about the leds!! yadi definitely doesn't- she mostly does coloring books and Marshall's hauls and makeup. which, the shopping is a lil weird but I usually watch her videos first just to calm down, not to get sleepy. but yeah, the led backgrounds can get really annoying. jocie's videos are all p bright but she does fantasy role plays a lot. like "fairy does your makeup" lol. the others,,, they do have leds

personal attention is *the best*!! nothing else is as soothing to me. light triggers are soooooo good. however, I do feel like so many tiktok asmrtists over-use those stupid lightsaber chopsticks lol

I've heard about Patrick's asmr! I'll have to check him out!

I've honestly been too nervous to listen to any boyfriend asmr because I was worried it would be ✨️spicy asmr✨️ and not 💤sleepy asmr💤

[onward--upward]

Q&A 💓

rules: answer and tag people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with

tagged by @shitouttabuck and @beyourownanchor6 thanks friends!!

last song: so predictable by set it off

favourite colour: i don't know... i feel like red!!

currently reading: just started the raven king (w @shitouttabuck mwah) but also im very slowly working my way through house of leaves by mark danielewski, extremely huge fucked up weird book that i am enjoying

currently watching: i was doing a rewatch of the umbrella academy in preparation for s4 but ive kinda stalled out bc ive heard the end is Bad

last movie: ......... challengers. is anyone surprised

sweet, spicy or savoury: sweet <3

relationship status: i am perpetually single but we move

current obsessions: im sure it wont surprise anyone who has seen me posting about my throuple fic but its challengers. im really fixating on it ive watched it like 6 times recently

tea or coffee: ICED COFFEE ONLY

last thing i googled: this is for fic reasons which i am ultimately ignoring because it wasnt the answer i wanted: "drive from new york to san francisco"

tagging some pals if you have yet to be tagged! (if yall have done this already ignore me)

@eusuntgratie @okaybutlikemakeitgay @bigassbowlingballhead @firenati0n

@leothil @buffaluff @insecuregodcomplex

[mamadarama]

my mom (less so me) always gets asked this funny little question when she says mild, "mild or white person mild?" cause we're singaporean but i inherited my dads spice intolerance

if she doesnt say white person mild we once got a dish that was red cause of the amount of "mild" spices

LMAO that happens some places in america too, particularly the south cuz over there youll see rednecks practically chugging sauces with names like "nasty daves atomic buttfucker" thats like ten billion scoville units . sometimes you see it here in the east as well . on the other hand ive heard its common that some british folks cant even handle black pepper so maybe "british person mild" would be a more accurate frame of reference. personally if i order spicy food i say something like "id like to still feel my tongue" and it hasnt steered me wrong yet

[etsuven]

rating: fluff cw: none includes: maybe badly written, wingpaimon because i feel like she can be very smart and perceptive when she wants to be, reader is pretty because of course you are <3, summary: aether has a little crush on the merchant he visits often...

note: IM ALIVE DONT WORRY!!! i've had no motivation lately since ive been going to bed too late and waking up too early, and that just leaves me feeling drained.... anyways when i first started writing this it was 12:43 AM LMAO. it's not late now, buit it is a few days later-. anyways x2 i've had this in mind since before August 27th and i needed something quick to write and this was in my drafts anyways im rambling- also this is my first time writing for aether forgive me-

he saw you for the first time on an emergency food run.

aether and paimon had been on the road for a while, and because of that, they never actually had the time to properly shop. but now that everything in sumeru was pretty much done, he finally felt it was time to properly do some looking around. (also because paimon was begging for something other than sweet madames to eat.)

the famous traveler took note of all the items around him as he glanced around the market place, keeping track of things he might have wanted to buy in the future. paimon was flying next to him, talking his ear off about things he didn't care to listen to.

"traveler, look! let's go over there!" the small flying companion was already making her way over to the stand before he even had a chance to respond, which also meant that he had no choice but to follow. he noticed that the selection of items was quite nice, but they were quickly put on the back of his mind as he noticed the person selling the items.

you were already talking to paimon, a pretty smile on your face, and your hands gesturing excitedly as you told her about your items. due to the angle of the sun at that time of day, you had light shining on you in a way that looked almost angelic. the shrill voice of paimon reached his ears, but he barely registered it as he was too focused on the sound of your voice.

"i assume you're with this one?" you spoke, gesturing to paimon. aether nodded, snapping out of his little trance as you continued to speak. "she's been pretty interested in this harra fruit jam, and it was just made last night! would you care to buy some?"

harra fruit jam? he had heard of harra fruit being ground up into spices thanks to its aroma, but jam? a spicy jam wasn't the most usual thing, but it seemed fun to try.

taking out his bag of mora, aether handed you the amount needed for one container of jam, as well as a few other things paimon had secretly picked out. the two said their goodbyes, leaving soon after with new ingredients in hand.

-

aether continued to stop by over the next few weeks. for the harra jam, of course. nothing else.

he had to admit, it was quite good. adding it to certain foods gave them a bit of a kick that he didn't seem to mind very much. he even added it to the food he brought with him whenever he had a commission in dragonspine.

the jam was his way of disguising the fact that he secretly wanted to see you. you had become accustomed to his and paimon's presence over those few weeks, and you had even started to give him more of a discount than he usually got from other merchants.

'you're my most loyal customer!' you always said, the same pretty smile on your face. you were pretty too, but you wouldn't catch aether saying that out loud. paimon, however, seemed to catch onto the tension forming between the two of you.

the lingering touches you shared when you handed aether his items, the shy smiles sent between the two of you, the fact that her traveling companion seemed to be absolutely star struck when he first saw you. (and the fact that he constantly visited you 'for the harra jam.')

it was obvious that the two of you had a little thing going on, and paimon couldn't stand the sight of her favorite person fumbling around like a love struck idiot. which he was, but he could have tried to hide it more, he was embarrassing her!

paimon set her plan in motion one evening. aether had gone to bed super early after a long day of commission after commission, leaving the flying child to fend for herself. glancing at the sky, she noticed that it was around the time where most merchants began to close up.

flying out of their shared hotel room, paimon raced to catch you before you set off to your own place. luckily she was right on time, as you had just started to pack up you things for the day.

"(y/n), (y/n)!!" she yelled, her voice projecting over the almost empty shopping district. you jumped at the sound of her voice, a smile gracing your face once you realized who was calling you. "good evening, paimon! how come you're by yourself, is everything okay?"

there was a bit of worry in your tone, and paimon quickly shook her head, reassuring you that everything was fine. "nothing's wrong! aether's at the inn right now, he's had a loooong day, so he's turned in early for the night!"

you let out a little hum of acknowledgment, reaching into your bag. you handed her a small piece of homemade candy, her eyes lighting up in excitement at the sweet. "is that so? don't wander off too much, i've heard how easy it is for you to get carried away!"

paimon tried to splutter out an excuse, only stopping when she realized she had a plan to fulfill. "speaking of getting carried away.. i'm sure you've heard of the upcoming festival?" you nodded, a small smile on your face.

"of course i've heard of it! i've taken a day off, so i'm free to use it as i please!" the flying child smiled, feeling her plan slowly come into motion. she continued to talk with you for a little bit, only leaving when she finally finished her candy.

now, to start the next part of her plan...

-

the first day of the festival had come quickly, and aether was getting prepared to leave when a small cough caught his attention.

looking in the direction of the noise, he noticed that his travel buddy was tossing and turning in her bed. another cough left her mouth, and aether quickly found himself walking over to her with worry etched on his face. "are you okay, paimon?"

paimon nodded, a small smile on her face before it was ripped away by another cough. something was... off about it, but the traveler quickly pushed that thought to the back of his mind. "paimon's fine, don't worry! she's just feeling a bit under the weather... you might have to go to the festival without me..."

aether tried to argue with her. he could just stay with her and go tomorrow when she felt better, but paimon refused to let him do so. eventually he did agree, but not without leaving her with a few snacks to keep her fed.

now by himself, the traveler wandered around the festival area, taking in the colorful sights and smells of the area around him. it was quiet without paimon, but he found that he didn't mind it too much. now he actually had the time to look at what he wanted.

while browsing for items, aether thought he caught sight of you. he ignored it, thinking he was just imagining things. that was, until you called out for him.

"oh? aether, hello!" you grinned, waving at him from a stall nearby. you collected your items and skipped over, continuing to speak. "i saw paimon last night, so i was sort of expecting her to be with you today! did she wander off somewhere?"

aether shook his head, telling you the reason why paimon was gone that day, and that it was just him for now. "since i'm by myself too," you started, adjusting the bag you were holding. "let's hang out together today, it can even be like a little date! if you'd like, that is-"

the traveler nodded quickly, his face flushing as you grabbed his hand to lead him around. he had a sneaking suspicion that paimon had something to do with this, maybe she snuck out when he was sleeping the previous night.

oh well, perhaps he would bring something back for her. just as a little thanks.

[weareweirdpeople]

I keep getting allianated because I don't fit in, even in the neurodivergent sense.

I just realized that one the reasons I've kept getting made fun of in groups for my whole life pretty much is that I am more "visibly autistic" then people feel comfortable with. That and my wild trauma and lack of ability for socialize with kids my age.

Ive been told by my autistic friend that I have the "autism accent", I "speak like a 5 year old". My autistic friend saw me stiming because I ate spicy food and really liked it and asked if I had never had spices before and made it about me being white. (I am not even fully white tho like kdmdndweree but anyways) and she made me feel weird about it.

Im not good at reading tone. Im not good at telling sarcasm. I'm not good at socializing as a whole. Even while in a group where everyone was neurodivergent of some sort (2 people with adhd and a different autistic friend who will be referred to as S) They still made me feel weird.

They chose to wait till some of the last days of school to tell me how annoying they thought I was, that they shouldn't have heard S out on me entering the group. Theat they made fun of how I speak. That im just plain weird. One of them kept implying that they never stopped making fun of me and no on disagreed. They would tell me not to call myself autistic because I hadn't be diagnosed even though that's barley an option for me and they know it, but they had no issue with criticizing how I interact socially. Telling me I need to introduce them to my new friends so they can tell me if they are good people or not.

My other friend compares me to a 5 year old or an animal a lot. I constantly feel like a bad person for showing any not situational "appropriate traits" but I don't know how to not show them. I have spent my whole life being unable to socialize properly. Until 5ht grade did I have a friend who didn't constantly tell me how weird I was. Who treated me like a person and not an entertainment accessory.

My ex just straight up sexualized my "cute and innocent" traits and told me to get rid of my "bad traits". He never wanted me to be near him in school. He never wanted me near his friends. He wanted me to be a secret for him. He didn't like being near me unless we were alone or it was a sexual conversation. He constantly treated me like this naive stupid little thing. Everyone treats me like a naive stupid little thing.

I get pissed off at offensive shti and social injustice. My friends call me sheltered and soft and sensitive. I'm not sheltered. I didn't get the opportunity of being sheltered. I just don't find racist jokes funny at all. I just don't find using slurs you can't reclaim funny at all. I just don't find shit that everyone can't laugh at funny. Its only funny to me if everyone can laugh at it and enjoy it. I aparently don't understand how jokes work. Maybe thats because the only "jokes" I know in my very neurodivergent family involve word play or spontaneous bullshit.

The jokes I learned at school involve me being the joke. The joke is how weird I am. People like them so sometimes I lean into them a little. I don't comment on if it actually does make me feel bad. But then they don't like it. Then they say I'm weird and uncomfortable to be near.

They tell me I need to be super understanding and Empathetic if someone shares something serious with me. I need to emphasize their feelings and make them feel better. But then the 2 times I actually needed support both times I was told "ehh, I've heard worse." "Its not that bad." "Yeah but you probably weren't bullied as bad as we were".

I can kinda understand the last comment given the context. 2 of the friends, including S were talking about bullying we've felt with. S is physically disabled and autistic and the other friend is also physically disabled and fat. I am also physically disabled but its invisible. I am also autistic. I can understand them assuming that I didn't deal with much.

It just doesn't feel good when thats every time I have a problem. Its always "well it probably wasn't to bad, your sheltered".

They made jokes about their trauma to and infront of me despite me not knowing them too well, so I did the same. But im bad when I do it. I'm too blunt. I'm weird. My trauma is weird. Its weird to even mention that stuff.

Im weird or something that needs to be contained if I stim. Im weir dand bad if I don't understand social cues and context. Im weird and stupid for having reading issues. Im dumb for not understanding "normal things" sometimes. I mean as they straight up called me stupid and dumb to my face.

I struggle with changes in my plan. I keep crying more often over things that shouldn't be cried over. Sometimes I stim when im really upset at home and my dad used to get upset at me for not controlling myself. Maybe I used to have autistic meltdowns at school, I don't even know. I already had so much trauma and everyone at that school scapegoated me anyways. I used to crawl under tables and scream or yell when I got upset and overwhelmed but maybe that was trauma. I don't know.

My family thought my male cousin was autistic. Not me though. It couldn't be me with weird speaking patterns who had to be put in speech therapy as a toddler because my mom was the only one who could understand even 50% of what I said. Not me who has constantly held better conversation with random adults than kids my own age.

Not me whos been a very very picky eater my whole life. Not me whos always been sensitive to loud sounds and a few textures. Not me who can't sit still or focus for the life of my but can tell you everything I know about teenage mutant ninja turtles non-stop sense I was 4. Not me, because im just a weird traumatized girl who's just sooo smart and needs to be challenged more. Only recently has the fact that I either need glasses or might by dyslexic had come up.

This isn't even on tract with the original point but qhat im trying to say is that there have been so many ignored signs of me being autistic because of me being a "girl" and even with other autistic people I get alienated for having said traits.

One of my friends told me that one of the reasons people dont like me if because I act "quirky". Well fucking excuse me. These same people are like "we understand people who joke around to cope with their issues" until its me. My bad. I didn't know everything applied to people other than me. My mistake.

I'll just let you keep calling and treating me like a fucking dog while shutting up about the fact that you randomly punch me as a greeting from behind with no apology or care for if it hurts or not. Ill just shut up until you tell me at the end of the year that im STILL ANNOYING APARENTLY, EVEN THOUGH IVE TRIED MY BEST TO FOLLOW YOUR RULES ON HOW I SHOULD BEHAVE. MY BAD FOR SAYING IM AUTSIC WITHOUT A DIAGNOSIS. ITS NOT LIKE MULTIPLE OF MY TEACHERS, THE SCHOOL PSYCOLOGIST, MY PARENTS, AND MY THERAPIST ALL SAY THERES AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE OF AUTSIM. MY BAD FOR EVER HAVING EMOTIONS ABOUT SOCIAL JUSTICE OR POLITICS THAT AFFECT ME AND MY LOVED ONES.

But its fine for you to fake claim people. Its fine for you, a trans person to make rules about who is trans or not. Its fine for you to make me really uncomfortable with that type of shit and for me not to say anything for your comfort. "You need to learn to just go with something you don't like and not say your opinion" I do that. I do that every single fucking day.

Its just that even with all the energy I have to put into trying to be normal, to focus on my work, to shut up so my friends can at least get their work done, to even with a modified schedule struggle to have my shit together, I STILL CANT FULLY PASS AS ALLISTIC. I DONT EVEN PASS FOR NEUROTYPICAL. EXCUSE ME FOR NOT WANTING TO DO THE PLEDGE OF FUCKING ALLIGENCE, AND THEN CALLING OUT THE TEACHER ON THE FACT THAT SHE CANT FORCE ME TO DO THGMAT WHEN SHE TRIED TO MAKE MW RE DO IT.

I guess I can't ever have opinions near people. Or be myself around people. Or be myself fully at home. Or talk about the things I like freely. Or exist without constantly having to put in effort to try to fit in even a little. Screw me for being born I guess. I'll try harder next time to make you more comfortable I fucking guess???

I don't know how to fit in and even around other autistic people I'm a freak.

It really hurts.

[vodyaniks]

People I'd Like to Know Better

Thank uuu for tagging me ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ @icantdothistodaybruh

Last Song I Listened to: the entire Guilty gear strive ost ( its genuinely some of the most interesting and layered music Ive heard in a while and i highly recommend to check it out. Faust, Giovanna, Anji and Bedman themes are my favs rn)

Currently Watching: black butler s4 and dungeon meshi

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: sweet

Relationship Status: happily married to my frog plushy

Current Obsession: fnaf Sun and Moon ( with a bit of faust in the background)

not gonna tag anyone sry...

[cloudcountry]

IKEMEN GAMES FAQ

i've been asked a lot of questions about these games despite only playing them for a month and i think thats really funny but also really sweet :(( thank you guys for taking an interest in the things i like?? thats so kind???

ANYWAYS here's a faq page!! just in case you have a question!!

what are the ikemen games?

they're a series of otome games by cybird!! there's ikemen vampire, ikemen prince, ikemen revolution, and ikemen sengoku. those are the ones on the english server at any rate. ikemen villains exists but i don't know anything about it because its only on the jp server right now ^^

these games are rated mature, the mc uses she/her pronouns, and she also has a set appearance. please mind the warnings!!

which game would you recommend for a beginner?

i've changed my mind since writing this and i've decided that ikemen revolution is the better starting game for beginning players. it's not as spicy as the other games, its easier to navigate, and ALSO it doesnt deal with as dark of topics as ikemen prince. it's still dark though don't get me wrong but all of these games are (to an extent ofc.)

i would NOT recommend ikesen as your first game because the colors are very bright and they throw a LOT of things at you at once. it can be overwhelming for a beginner.

IKEVAMP QUESTIONS (i talk about this one the most)

what is ikemen vampire (ikevamp)?

ikemen vampire is a game where historical figures came back from the dead in order to fulfill a desire, something they wished they had or did in their previous life.

what ikevamp routes would you recommend?

isaac's route was beautiful. shakespeares route was AMAZING and so so dramatic. vincents route was insane so if you want something that will throw you for a loop go for him. arthur's route is INCREDIBLY emotional so be prepared if you want to romance him. he's very tragic.

personally i dont think i can give a good range of recommendations since i started playing two months ago, but ive heard good things about arthur, napoleon, comte (his route is good for lore!!), leonardo, and shakespeare (his route is good if you're looking to be introduced to the antagonists!! and if you want drama!!)

mozart's route has been noted as beginner friendly ^^

the routes are split between act one and act two!! act two routes have a bit more lore i think???

act one routes: napoleon, mozart, da vinci, arthur, vincent, theo, isaac, jean, & shakespeare.

act two routes: dazai, comte, sebastian, vlad, faust, & charles.

what do you think of the ikevamp suitors?

napoleon is kind of the face of ikevamp,,,, hes like malleus in a way. hes the obvious pick for your first route (except you should totally be DIFFERENT or not idk do what feels right!!) hes nice C:

mozart is fucking gorgeous but hes such a DICK. he gets better in his route though yk? the prickly but soft kind ^^

leonardo is so dad coded in that hes weird and falls asleep all the time. i dont really know much about him ^^; update he's creepy i don't like him anymore :(((

arthur. arthur arthur arthur. okay i started out not having the highest opinion of arthur but i want to let all of you know that you should one hundred percent give him a chance. he's such a kind, gentle, sweet person. he's tortured by his past but he's such a tender hearted guy. please give him a chance, you wont regret it. his route made me shed a few tears.

I WOULD FIGHT THE UNIVERSE FOR VINCENT VAN GOGH. he is an ANGEL. we do NOT deserve this man and if anyone hurts him i would start a RIOT. if he hugged me all of my problems would be solved and i would never complain again. his route is BATSHIT CRAZY THOUGH. i would highly HIGHLY recommend playing it but i was UGLY SOBBING by the end of it. watch out.

theo calls you dog <3 what a man!! hes pretty gruff and idk much about him either LMAO um update!! he's a very good negotiator. nobody knows the context of why i said that except for me LMAO (if you read will's route you know) hes very protective,,,, ummm dog person!! idk.

DAZAI IS SO WEIRD??? AND I MEAN THAT IN A NICE WAY.,.,,. BUT ALSO A ??????? WAY???? he enters the mansion through windows and his route is super angsty

isaac is my babygirl and the only one that matters. i love him. i wish to hold him tenderly and kiss him every morning and night. im gonna put a ring on that finger just you watch. he's a bumbling fool of a nerd and i adore him. he doesnt know how to emotion </3

after playing the interlude, i do know a little bit about jean and i already really like him. he seems very sweet and protective of mc, albeit a little awkward. but thats part of the charm!! <33 UPDATE HE FUCKING BITES YOU DONT TRUST HIM. the beginning of his route made me SO angry because not only does he not care for her safety, the rest of the residents openly disregard how she feels about anything. if you want to be pissed the FUCK OFF and hate EVERYONE this route is for you!!

SHAKESPEAREE'S ROUTE IS SO GOOD GAH I FEEL LIKE. IM BIASED THOUGH BC IVE BEEN FIXATED ON SHAKESPEARE MY ENTIRE LIFE I HAVE A PROBLEM!!! THE PROSE MAKES ME SWOON!!! (thank u dove for pointing it out LMAO) honestly i would recommend playing his route before vincents. it was vincents route that made me realize i was in love with him LMAO

comte is nice C: hes a sugar daddy??? uhh also hes very lonely apparently. victim of favoritism. i got a few chapters into his route and wow he is. really father figure coded. its kinda uncomfy but i'll try my best to get through it after jean's route. will update you guys.

sebastian is funny bc he ends up getting really attached to the mc and at the end of isaac's route he straight up tries to bribe them to stay WHICH MIGHT NOT MAKE SENSE NOW BUT YK ITLL MAKE SENSE LATER.

vlad has a fox named marshmallow nd likes strawberries nd likes to garden. hes also an antagonist for some reason. HE FUKCING SUCKS AFTER PLAYING WILL'S ROUTE AND THE INTERLUDE I HAVE DECIDED THAT I HATE HIS ASS AND I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. STAY AWAY FROM WILL YOU ASSHOLE.

faust scares me but yk henry adores him so im sure hes lovely!!

CHARLES IS SO FUCKING CUTE I WANT TO HUG HIM SO BAD. PLEASE. HES LIKE A LITTLE PUPPY DOG. very traumatized though and i heard that what happens after chapter twenty in his route is really sad.

IKEPRI QUESTIONS (i talk about this one ocassionally)

what is ikemen prince?

this game is based on beauty and the beast. you play as "belle," a commoner selected to choose the next king. its the darkest game in this collection and has some pretty heavy themes every route,.,. if you need specifics just ask!! i havent played through all the routes though, do i might not know ^^; i will, however, add trigger warnings beside what i think of them as i go through their routes.)

what do you think of the ikepri suitors?

PLS leon is really nice!!! he's more like an older brother figure to me personally but i think his hugs would cure my depression LMAO

CHEVIE.,,.,.,. HES SO SILLY apparently he's really sweet ocne you get to know him but hes a bit prickly at the beginning (but hey, isnt that the same for half the love interests?)

YVES..,.,.HES SO WET CAT CODED. his route is so sad but sosososo sweet its so adorable. i want to hug him. he's like a bestie to me tbh i would fight anyone that looks at him wrong FR. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AJHSGDAJ his route is really soft and definitely one of the less intense ones if thats your cup of tea!! hes really sweet did i say that already. tsundere type.

okay i'll admit i didn't like nokto at first because he's the flirty type but. he doesn't really give me the creeps anymore? now that i know why he does that./ he's kinda just there for me but i can appreciate how witty and sneaky he is. okay so update, his route has really weird pacing imo. it doesn't show the two of them actually bonding a lot and instead focuses on them butting heads. mcs love confession and then getting together felt very jarring. the romantic ending is cute though!!

LICHT IS SOOOOO RPETTY and hes the reserved type. i am foaming at the mouth. I WANTED TO PLAY HSI ROUTE FIRST but yves was probably the better choice for my frist route since his route os apparently super heavy ^^; UPDATE yes his route is heavy. watch out for themes of mental health issues and self harm/suicide.

CLAVIS IS SO GOOFY his relationship with the mc is honestly so adorable if you pick him as a love interest,.., theyre so teasinga nd wholesome towards each other and if my future relationship doesnt look like tehres I DONT WANT IT. his route adds a LOT of insight into his character. the writers did an excellent job of making him appear as a enigma while offering hints as to know he really is. thank you chevie!!

jin scares me??? like i know hes kind and all but he gives me the creeps. apparently his route punched people in the gut though KASHGD

I ADORE LUKE. ive only played yves's route so far but luke is so kind. hes so sweet. hes so godo at talking peoplee down from anxiety and even though he has a temper himself hes so good at regulating emotions??? i want to hug him so bad. he was so nice to mc in the beginning of yves's route too.

SARIEL'S HAIR BOTHERS ME!!! he has a sprite with a whip and i hate it. umm he's kinda nice sometimes but i dont really have an impression of him yet!!

RIO IS TEH SWEETEST :((( I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. he is so kind to mc and i know the whole obsessed thing isnt for everyone (it put me off at first too LMAO) but really he just loves her unconditionally and wants her to be happy its so cute im gonna die. now, rio's route doesn't have much of the fluffy puppy we all know so well. he's much more serious in his route, and he's kind of a sad character too. tragic? tragic. his route was really good though!!

GILBERT. THIS ASSHOLE. (dies) anyways. may i introduce you to his weird ass gloves and their unexpected appeal. also he has a cane which is silly. his coat is weird. i am picturing that diagram vio made for his outfit ITS RIDICULOUS.

keith's hair looks so soft i want to run my fingers through it in a very bestie way. he gave me a weird vibe when i saw him first but the second he opened his mouth teh weird vibe disappeared. he just seems so sweet and gentle :(( OKAY OKAY so i'm currently playing through hsi route for the second time, and KJJSDFGKJGFSJHDSDGJHGFJH ITS SO FUCKING CUTE. gugguuh youre gonna have to trust me on this one.,.,. i promise you this route had me squealing and screaming and laughing and kicking my feet with a goofy grin so many times. obviously it has its tragic moments, but keith is so sweet through and through. i think hes my favorite now ^^

i do NOT like silvio next.

IKESEN QUESTIONS (i rarely talk about this one)

what is ikemen sengoku?

ikesen (ikemen sengoku) is the one with the japanese warlords. you get sent back in time by a LIGHTNING BOLT and have to rely on a physics student who got sent back with you to lead you to a wormhole>>??? its so weird LMAO OH YEA AND YOU PREVENT AND ASSASSINATION BTW. the plot is confusing but mitsunari is cute.

what do you think of the ikesen suitors?

okay so i'll only be giving the opinions of the routes i have finished!!

mitsunari is a sweetheart. im really glad i started with his route because hes really kind. hes a little oblivious but hes incredibly strong and sweet and smiley and cute and GAH i love he. hes so sweet. ALSO if you want someone who will go like "why is my heart fluttering. what the fuck. i cant concentrate what is going on." GO FOR HIM.

kenshin's route was interesting? it was very sweet in the beginning and i LOVED how mc reacted to him going apeshit (I CANT SPOIL IT BUT OMG SHE WAS SO COOL. I WAS SCREAMING AND JUMPING AND LAUGHING IT WAS SO GOOD) but near the end of his route i got impatient. also theyre horny fair warning.

kennyo's route was one of those routes where i was like "WIAT THATS THE ENDING???" when it ended. its a good route, i liked the pacing!! he is kinda creepy in the beginning but i can see why some people like him. he is very much mature stubborn grumpy older man vibes if thats your cup of tea.

i started sasuke's route and was SHOCKED at how quickly mc came to the realization that she was in love with him. lo and behold theyve known each other for a month and a half when she finds out and its actually not weird. kenshin is jealous, yuki is sweet, shingen is silly, sasuke's route is delightful so far!! i do kinda feel like yuki is going to fall in love w the mc... UPDATE, yuki did indeed fall in lvoe with her but i dont think he realized it? i was a little frustrated with how they didnt communicate that they both kinda wanted to stay to each other. that was annoying. but hsi romantic ending was cute!! it gives the vibes of "he loves you no matter what route you take" even though sasuke doesnt seem to realize that LMAO

started kanetsugu's route, his mc is really funny LMAOOO OKAY UPDATE im basically done with it and although it gets REALLY BORING in the middle his route wsa really cute. teh romantic ending went so hard theyre literally the cute i was actually!!! smiling!!!! usually i read these things with a straight face HELP!!! his character growth is really touching and he really is the consent king. would highly recommend :(( hes so sweet.

yoshimoto's route starts very sweetly. they both bond over art, which is a shared interest of theirs. he treats her like a friend and not an enemy, although he can be a bit ditzy sometimes SJDJSDJ his route was one of the best ones i have ever played, i wasnt bored during it at all and his relationship with the mc is soo heartwrenching. if you like jihyun's route from mysmes i'd highly recommend because they have so many parallels ARGHH

IKEREV QUESTIONS (i rarely talk about this one)

what is ikemen revolution?

this game is based on alice in wonderland!! it got discontinued but the routes they have are still really good ^^ i started playing kyle's recently and its been kinda funny tbh LMAO

what do you think of the ikerev suitors?

first impression of ray: he likes cats. THATS ALL I REMEMBER. HE LIKES CATS. ok. nevermind i hate him., UPDATE i started his route and he calls you useless and a kid and says he doesnt have time for you even though HE made the deal to protect you??? his face went from squishy to punchable in two seconds.

ive seen a lot of people thirsting over sirius and he kinda reminds of a leonardo from ikevamp?>??> hes like a father figure from what ive gathered but apparently hes the type to deflect when you ask him ANYTHING

luka seems so sweet :(( unless youre jonah then he'll MAIM YOU

seth is..,,.,. weird? idk i was always a little put off by him being overly friendly with the mc he just creeps me out.

fenrir seems like a nice guy!! golden retriever vibes??? i havent done a single black army route so i dont know any of them that well oops

lancelot seems like a chevie type idk. i got a bit of background on him in harr's route but i dont know much about him ^^ UUPDATE/ he is very sweet also but he doesnt show it. very much internal battle vibes. hes in a complicated situation that involves mild spoilers i think so yk. but hes nice!! he falls in love with mc very quickly and honestly she falls for him easily too ^^; the route is very soft in a heartbreaking way :((

okay jonah doesnt have the best first impression but please wait for him. hes a really warm, sweet person. once he loves you he'll adore you endlessly. hes going to dote on you and make sure everything is to your taste and PLEASE give him a chance. his route is kinda silly at first because he throws money at you to win you over, but he shows his sweeter side surprisingly quickly too!!

edgar bright is an enigma. his mc is so mecoded its so silly. i will let you know my findings once i discover anything. OK SO UPDATE HIS ROUTE IS ANGSTY AS FUCK AND MADE ME ALMOST CRY LIKE TWICE. ITS A LOT BUT ITS SO WORTH IT. ITS SO GOOD SO DRAMATIC I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!!

zero is such a sweetiepiecutiepatootiehoneydumplingminniemunchiesnugglewugglepookiepiepotatocrispdippedinhoneywithcinnamonsugarontopwootiepie. hes so kind. he pops up a lot in edgar's route and hes so squishy. hes so hardworking and strong and reliable,,,, my whole heart please <3333 his route made me retain so much emotional damage but he is worth it. hes so soft, so sweet, so loving, he will treat you right. love of my life.

kyle's route is the best beginner route and ive only been here for two months. PLAY HIS FIRST PLEASE./ his route was written so well it made me feel so many THINGS him and alice are so GRAHHHHHHHHH BITING THEM BITING THEM.

harr's route is absolutely your route if youre a sucker for domesticity and found family. its such a sweet wholesome route i loved it. hes so sweet to the mc and OMG IF YOU HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR EASILY FLUSTERED MEN YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE HIM. HE HAS SO MANY MOMENTS WITH ALICE WERE HE CANT EVEN LOOK AT HER BECAUSE HES SO EMBARRASSED ITS SO SILLY PLEASE

i dont have much to say about loki honestly? hes a little silly and his eyes remind me of will's.

blanc never got a route and everyone mourns that to this day.

i will never play oliver's route because its creepy to romance a child. next!

i dont have an opinion of literally any other suitor. i think theres a few other routes??? but they havent stuck out to me so meh!!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

tag ppl you wanna know better ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

tagged by: @driftingintomysolitude

last song:

favorite color: p~i~n~k~

currently watching: trish paytas 1 hour 11 minute long vlog she posted this morning

last movie: adolescence of utena in like 2022 i think lol ( i dnt care movies)

currently reading: nothing rly i have started some books this year but not been reading much since i feel very busy w art / music

sweet/spicy/savory: Salt

relationship status: Virgin

current obsessions: the planet jupiter, eating mash potatoes every day, bulking in general, yoga, pink uggs i want for my birthday, solfeggio frequencies, practicing guitar..

last thing i googled: "bluey" because my friends were explaining it to me in VC earlier that its like some kids show thats supposedly popular w adult s but ofc ive never heard of it

currently working on: my jalloween costume, A song, being more brave, STENGTH AND FITNESS

i tag @thesentdowngirl @lovehael @ice--ocean @sisterreisaid @ineedtoscream72743745683927 @blluish @retardina @funeralcity @terracottabunny @pinkwater11 sorry i gorget who else i follow LOL but anyone else feel free~