chaos-shae21

[chaos-shae21]

“...suna?”

the heartbreak in osamu’s voice was clear to everyone in the room, but most of all to his brother.

though they hadn’t been close in such a long time, atsumu believed he would never forget his twin’s idiosyncrasies and the meaning underlying his words, no matter how far they drifted.

most of the members were likely to conclude that osamu’s heartbreak was coming from meiko’s obvious betrayal but atsumu knew better. meiko was a part of it, yes, but suna had been stuck by the twins’ side since birth and that was a bond that went deeper than any temporary girlfriend.

as much as he didn’t want to admit it, that hurt. the fact that osamu showed blatant pain from suna’s dramatic reveal but hadn’t shown an ounce of care as atsumu floated further and further away, stung.

they were brothers but they were also twins. they were supposed to stick together no matter what and yet...

a large, warm hand was placed on his shoulder while a smaller one weaved its way into his. when he finally took a moment to glance to his sides, he found sakusa giving him an encouraging tilt of the head and you, his angel, holding his hand tight.

you had no idea how much you meant to him, how deep his care for you ran. you didn’t know how just your presence alone soothed him in his darkest moments. how, since meeting you, he slept well at night with your face floating through his thoughts and dreams. how he hoped and prayed that you would eventually reciprocate his feelings one day.

if you’d heard his thoughts, you would absolutely call him a sap and he wouldn’t disagree. after all, it was you who made him that way.

“-ou told me you broke up with them, meiko. what, what the fuck is this? you’re dating osamu?” suna’s irritated voice jolted atsumu from his simping sappy mind and back into the present.

suna was squared up with meiko who seemed to be just as furious, while osamu stood behind the two of them at the island in shock.

“you knew what you were getting into suna, don’t fucking lie!” her manicured hands found their way to his chest before shoving him back into the living room. hard.

in an instant, yachi was standing in front of meiko with a righteous fury burning in her eyes. “go the fuck to your room. now. everyone else, you too. i have some calls to make.”

the authority in her voice had everyone scrambling, you wrapping atsumu up into your arms one final time before heading off with kenma and oikawa. suna shot the twins an apologetic smile while trailing behind their livid manager to her office.

in only a few moments, the room was empty, leaving the brothers alone in a stifled silence.

after a minute, atsumu finally opened his mouth to speak. “so. meiko, huh?” the attempt at conversation was absolutely pitiful but it managed to make the both of them laugh despite the heaviness in the atmosphere.

the lightheartedness left almost as soon as it appeared, the pair falling back into a contemplative quiet. “i- ya promised nothing would come between us,” atsumu whispered, his eyes growing glassy, against his best efforts. “what happened?”

osamu didn’t have an answer to that. he was meant to be the older twin and while that shouldn’t hold that much weight, it did.

he would never forget the day he’d given atsumu his word, the memory holding firm in his mind as though it happened yesterday.

the two of them had been so excited for their first official summer camp at the ripe age of 7 years old, happy to spend time away from their grandmother in, what they believed to be, an extended sleepover.

atsumu was bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm while osamu had been more reserved, determined to take care of his younger twin just as his grandma told him to.

after the first day of camp went by so swimmingly, osamu was starting to think he wasn’t even needed by his brother, especially after seeing him at lunch surrounded by girls and boys both fawning over him. atsumu was doing just fine on his own it seemed and there was no reason for him to stick around.

that all changed that night when osamu heard atsumu yelling for him from his bunk. the older twin raced over and climbed up into his brother’s bed, holding him close as he cried from the thunder booming outside their cabin window.

“nothing will get in between us tsumu,” osamu had murmured while rocking atsumu back and forth, “not the wind, not the rain, nothing.”

after that, their relationship was stronger than ever, the twins coming to one another for any and everything. their trust had grown so solid that osamu’s promise continued to hold true throughout the years, to the point where one was rarely seen without the other.

somehow, though, that trust had been broken in an instant, just because of one woman and it, for lack of a better word, sucked.

“i care about ya samu, ya know i do, but i can’t let ya mistreat or disrespect my best friend like that anymore. i love ya and i love her too. don’t make me choose,” atsumu before moving towards the stairs, his eyes never leaving his brother.

osamu was frozen in place, the image of atsumu that he’d painted with the help of meiko washing away to reveal his independent, assertive, kind, and caring brother whom he’d entirely lost sight of.

he couldn’t even imagine what atsumu saw when he looked at him—he didn’t think he wanted to know. all he did know was that he was no longer worthy of the title older brother, and he hadn’t been for a long time. osamu needed to become someone his brother could look up to again, someone new, someone better.

“i’m so sorry atsumu, i-i can be better,” he resolved, taking a step closer to his twin. atsumu just gave him a sad, worn smile, tiredness and disappointment written all over his face.

“be better osamu. i’ll be waiting.”

℗ poker face

be better

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - ACK THIS CH GAVE ME SO MUCH TROUBLE tryna display the twins’ dynamics was so difficult, esp since i switched up the ages??? bitch i have no idea if this is even coherent lmfao m sorry besties it’s a lil bit shit but ily <33 don’t forget to feed me >:3

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[chaos-shae21]

[chaos-shae21]

Joan are you aware of the backlash Thomas is getting due to deleting the Membership/Patreon streams? Do you have anything to say about that?

I mean, that was mostly my call, so please, blame me. I'm happy to give some of my reasons/thoughts too (I just ask that please read all of them before responding):

- My main issue is honestly my comfort level. I don't feel comfortable leaving live streams up long-term, and I hope that if you can't respect any of our other reasons for not leaving them up, then you can respect that. There are a few reasons why I'm uncomfortable with leaving them up that mostly relate to accidental misinformation. So like, if Thomas and I are spitballing ideas in a live stream, and a certain idea really sticks with the viewers, the live stream could serve as a reminder of, and maybe to some, a promise that we're going to do something in a video that we might not end up doing; or maybe we say that we're not going to do something, and then, later on, we change our minds, and you guys feel like you were lied to because you could forever point to that live stream as proof that something or other wasn't going to happen (we have stated that we weren’t going to do certain things in live streams, that we have since changed our minds about). Does that make sense? Whether it makes sense or not doesn't matter too much really, because my main concern is that live streams are honestly just really intimate. I'm used to being edited for Youtube videos. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a good friend having eternal access to a two-hour recording of one of my conversations, let alone thousands of strangers. Every stutter, stammer, unflattering face, brainfart, asshole moment, and wave of brain fog publicly available forever? That sounds like a nightmare! What if I'm having a bad day, or Thomas is having a bad day and we have a particularly tense live stream? I don't want everyone to have access to that. I'm sorry if that reason isn't good enough for you, but those are my honest feelings. For the sake of people who are working at the time of the stream, or maybe folks on the other side of the planet, we are leaving the live streams up for two days after streaming (which is honestly already a little more than I'm comfortable with, but I think it's a fair enough compromise). We also want to give notice of the live streams more in advance than we have previously so that people can prepare for them.

- Nowhere did we advertise long-term access to past live streams-- we advertised access to live streams, but nothing more. The Patreon tier even reads "what happens in Thomas Sanders live streams stays in Thomas Sanders live streams" haha

- If you ever had access to past live streams long after they streamed, then that was an accident. It has never been our intention to keep live streams publicly available long-term. As far as we were aware, this wasn’t a new thing.

- Outside of the two previously listed reasons (us advertising that we're going to leave live streams up, and/or you all having had access to live streams after they streamed in the past), I'm personally not sure why someone would expect that a live stream would be available long-term as a given (but that could totally be on me), the way we understand it, live streams happen live, and from what I’ve seen, it’s not uncommon for live streams to be unavailable once they are done streaming.

- Our new plan for the live streams is to shoot unscripted videos live, and that will honestly take up most of the live stream-- so, not only will those edited portions of the live streams be posted on the second channel, but a perk of being a Patron is access to extended unscripted videos, so you will still have long-term access to the bulk of what we do in the live streams, you just won't have access to the full uncut live streams.

I sincerely hope that this post helps elucidate things. Please understand that I have never felt this level of pressure with this job. I feel a tremendous sense of responsibility to make the Patrons feel like they aren't wasting their money. I'm sorry if the lack of access to past live streams is disappointing to any of you, but I hope you can understand why I feel the way I do. Just please don't blame Thomas for this; blame me instead.

[chaos-shae21]

Day Three of @thatsthat24 Sanderstober!!

annabelle get back 2020 is the scariest movie ever

[chaos-shae21]

they deserve to rest :)

[ID in alt text.]

[chaos-shae21]

I'm rewatching bnha before I start the manga and I love these two sm 🥺💖 kami is best boy,, I have a Thing for blonde anime boys 😩😩

[chaos-shae21]

i’m barely even alive im just here clicking buttons

[chaos-shae21]

Hello sorry if this is a strange or too personal of a question but do you think that maps (minor attracted people) are part of the lgbt+ community?

Oof. Yikes. CW: pedophilia, sexual abuse. I encourage anyone who might be disturbed by this kind of conversation to scroll on.

Uh, no. I think that a key aspect of the LGBTQ+ community is acceptance, and I don't think that pedophilia is acceptable. An attraction to minors is an attraction to people who can't give consent. If someone was only attracted to people who are blind drunk, that's not an acceptable sexuality, that's a problem-- not LGBTQ+. Because of the consent issue, I think that pedophilia should be regarded more as a mental illness that requires treatment. I feel sympathy for "nonoffending pedophiles" (who have never harmed a child, or consumed any harmful content), because people hate them for their illness despite having never actually done anything, and I can't imagine the self-hate they themselves must experience. I think that's incredibly sad, and I feel bad for them. It sucks that people like that have the illness that they have, but it is just that, an illness, and I hope that they can find the help that they need.

"Offending pedophiles" on the other hand....

[chaos-shae21]

Hi Joan! After Sanders Sides is over, would you, Thomas and the others go and read Sanders Sides fanfiction at all?

Hell yeah

[chaos-shae21]

Hi Joan! You don't need to answer to this but..Is there going to be a "season" three of Sanders Sides?

Yeah. If you're thinking about it in terms of seasons, then we're nearing the end of season two. We plan on ending the show with season three.

[chaos-shae21]

Is Sanders Sides close to ending?

At the pace we're currently going, no lol. But we're really, really wanting to pick up the pace so that we can give you more Sides content more frequently.

[chaos-shae21]

Through the thick fog,

It’s hard to see.

hollowed out eyes,

Watch your every move.

As night draws in,

Lock your doors.

But if your caught out to late,

You won’t have time to weep.

- kix

[chaos-shae21]

Little lamb.

⚠️implied r*pe⚠️

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Little lamb, do not trust so easily.

For you may fall victim to the man.

He prowls, lurking in the shadows.

Stalking his victims, one by one

Leaving them crying in the mud.

Run now little lamb, he’s coming for you.

Little lamb, look at you now.

He took your innocence,

You look so weak, so pathetic.

You didn’t heed my warning.

If you listened you wouldn’t be here now

Don’t look at me like that, little lamb.

Your too blame.

—Kix

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This is too bring awareness, If you have ever suffered through something like this please remember your not at fault.

[chaos-shae21]

I know she did a lot of messed up things that I doubt Virgil would ever do, but imagine,,, Virgil,,, as Catra,,,

[chaos-shae21]

i-i don’t like how,,childlike they look? but fuck it i have nothing else to post.

[chaos-shae21]

How I be feeling sometimes

[chaos-shae21]

POV: you are remus and this is the last thing you see before you die