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Spartan II Early missions

*Blue Team looking for Intel on an enemy in an airport* airline worker: I'm sorry, we're not supposed to give out passagers' itineraries. Fred-104: I understand. (turns) Hey, what's that crazy girl doing? Linda-058: I'm going into the Gold Medalion club, (holds up card) with SILVER LEVEL MEMBERSHIP! (Laughs maniacally as she opens the door) airline worker: The hell you are! (Draws shotgun and pumps it before going after her, leaving Fred to access the computer)

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I started playing halo today … any advice

Have fun, and watch out for team-killers. If you wanna connect with other players, do it through other social media first instead of randos online. That’s how I met my regulars

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Timing

*John-117 and Kelly-087 are behind cover* John-117: Hey...you uh...you know I'm in love with you, right? Kelly-087: Uh... (blushes) *John smiles as they start to lean in* Kelly-087: Wait, What?! (holds head) NOW!? I mean, this is, like, (walks away) the WORST TIME! KYA! (fires oathsworn at an enemy)

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Spartan Teen Days XIV

Kelly-087: Do you think John's ok? Sam-034: I mean, he's Sick today, so he's- Kelly-087: (quickly) Maybe we could bring him some soup. I mean, what if he has a fever? We could drop off some blankets. Do you think he likes blankets? Sam-034: (gasp) You Like him. Kelly-087: (blushes) No! I mean, I (stammers) I...I like him... Sam-034: (smirks) Yeah, you do. Kelly-087: (scoffs) I meant professionally, Sam! I don't like-like him. Sam-034: Oh, Then text him. Kelly-087: I don't have his Chatter number. (vibration and Ring is heard) Sam-034: Now you do. Kelly-087: (looks at Chatter) I-I can't...Did you add hearts to his Contact name?

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*Vale walks in on Linda sitting in a Lotus Position*

Vale: Linda? You're a Buddhist?

Linda-087: Oh yeah. If I didn't have inner peace, I'd completely go psycho on all you guys all the time.

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Halsey's time with Jul 'Mdama

Halsey:...I need to pee.

Jul: Nope. Here, I got a centipede you can swallow that makes you not have to go.

Halsey: I ain't Swallowing no centipede!

Jul: What, you think the centipede wants to eat your Pee? You're not the victim in this transaction.

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Spartan Movie Night

Dr. Halsey: You were right, Chief. Halo: the Series was a terrible idea.

Fred-104: As bad as it was, I don't know why you had to cast those three No-name Spartans as a Bizzaro version of Blue Team.

Dr. Halsey: (annoyed tone) We went a different way, Fred.

Kelly-087: I just wish that some good could come out of this tragedy.

John-117: Well, it did Kelly. (holds snacks) We all got Will Rogers combo packs to enjoy while we watch this abomination.

Announcer: At the concessions stand, be sure to ask for the Will Rogers summer combo pack. Because a portion of the proceeds will go directly to the will rogers institute, to develop new treatments and cures for a variety of pulmonary diseases, and support national education programs.

Grunt: (at camera) So please, buy a combo pack and help us fight lung disease, one junior mint at a time. (removes mask and chugs entire box)

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Spartan II Game Night III

John-117: ok, so we're just gonna play slappers, we're gonna play on Complex. No Odd-Job.

Linda-058: I wanna be Odd-Job.

Kelly-087: NOBODY'S GONNA BE ODD-JOB, OK? We already established that. Nobody plays Odd-Job. Just be Jaws.

Linda-058: I don't wanna be Jaws, I wanna be Odd-Job.

Kelly-087: (exhausted) Just play....jaws.

Fred-104: John, we all settled to play GoldenEye, you said that was fun. I wanted to play Mario Kart.

Kelly-087: Nobody else wanted to play Mario Kart!

John-117: You get way too intense when you play Mario Kart!

Fred-104: It's a serious game. I pick Bowser, I play to win.

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Cortana: (escaping the Gravemind) Boy, it's a good thing I'm leaving before I went nuts. (turns to side) Goodbye Sparkly Elves!

Elves: (floating and sparkling) Goodbye!

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Spartan II Game Night II

John-117: and that gives me longest road, which is enough victory points to win...Settlers of Catan.

Kelly-087: I hate this game.

John-117: Why? it's so much fun.

Kelly-087: Fred never trades with me. I need sheep and he has brick. I need the brick.

Fred-104: I don't need any sheep.

Kelly-087: Well-He doesn't need-(sighs) Can we just play something else? Like Life...or Sorry?

Linda-058: I wanna plan Monopoly.

Fred-104: NOBODY WANTS TO PLAY MONOPOLY, LINDA!

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Spartan II Training Days XV

Grace-093: Ok, the Dynamite is in place

Kurt-051: Are you sure there's no other way to get Blue Team out?

Anton-044: Not unless you can somehow smooth-talk those Tango-Company jerks.

Kurt-051: Well actually—

Trannie-1337: (quickly) Too late, this is more fun! (pushes down plunger, causing explosion)

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Blue Team's final moments

John-117: Blue team, it's been an honor serving with you. But since we're all gonna die, there's one secret I feel I have to share with you. (pauses)...I did not care for The Godfather.

Kelly-087: What?

John-117: Did not care for The Godfather.

Kelly-087: (shocked gasp)

Fred-104: How can you even say that, John?!

John-117: Didn't like-didn't like it.

Kelly-087: John, it's so good-It's like the perfect movie!

John-117: This is what everyone always says. Whenever they say "Oh my...

Fred-104: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, I mean, you never seen-Robert Duvall!

John-117: I know it's like-look. Fine, Fine actor, did not like the movie.

Linda-057: why not?

John-117: Did not-couldn't get into it.

Kelly-087: Explain yourself. What didn't you like about it?

John-117: It insists upon itself, Kelly.

Kelly-087: What?

John-117: It insists upon itself.

Kelly-087: What does that even mean?

Fred-104: 'Cause it has a valid point to make, it's insisted!

John-117: It takes forever getting in; and you spend-you spend like six and a half hours and then... You know, I can't get through- I can't even finished the movie, I've never-even seen the ending.

Fred-104: You've never seen the ending?!

Linda-058: Wh-How can you say you don't like it if you haven't even given it a chance?

Kelly-087: I agree with Linda. It's not really fair.

Fred-104: It's outrageous.

John-117: I-I have tried on three separate occasions to get through it, and I get to the scene where all the guys are sitting around on the easy chairs-

Kelly-087: Yeah, it's a great scene. I love that scene.

John-117: It's not a great-

Fred-104: It's been noted in every anal-

John-117: I have no idea what they're talking about! It's like they're speaking a different langu-that's where I lose interest and I go away.

Kelly-087: You know what, John-

Fred-104: THEY'RE SPEAKING ITALIAN!

Kelly-087: The language they're speaking is a language of subtlety, something you don't understand.

John-117: I love "The Money Pit." That is my answer to that statement.

Kelly-087: Exactly

John-117: well, there you go.

Kelly-087: whatever...

Fred-104: I like that movie too.

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Spartan II Teen Years XIV

*Blue and Red Team are playing Soccer*

Alice-130: (Announcer voice) "It all comes down to this one penalty kick. Can a young woman break the glass ceiling, and prove, once and for all, that a female can be just as good an athlete as a male?"

Fred-104: You know, Alice, anytime someone calls attention to the "breaking of Gender Roles," it ultimately undermines the concept of gender equality by implying that THIS is an exception, and not the status quo.

*John, Kelly and the others stare at him in surprise*

Fred-104: What? Just because I'm a meathead, doesn't mean I'm not a feminist.

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Banished Grunt: (injured) Please...make the pain go away.

Banished Brute: *crushes him with Gravity Hammer.*

Banished Elite: I, uh, think he meant like an Advil.

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Spartan Teen days XIII

Fred-104: (carrying a wounded/disheveled Linda) Any permanent damage?

Linda-058: (drained) You're my hero, Fred.

Fred-104: so yes.

Linda-058: ugh...I don't even care anymore. Those stupid tango-company perv-bags tormented me all day long. just put me down now.

Fred-104: Linda, listen to me.

Linda-058: what is it?

Fred-104: your shirt's open.

Linda-058: (Blushes as she closes her exposed chest with one hand)

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Arby and the Chief

Arbiter: Stand back Demon, I'm going to beat this parasite with one hand tied behind my back.

John-117: No Arbiter, you need me.

Arbiter: I highly doubt that.

John-117: Don't you get it Arbiter? This is the level where we put aside our differences and work together to combine our strengths.

Arbiter: This is sounding dangerously close to a slash fic.

John-117: Look Arbiter, we probably hate each other about as much as Microsoft hates Bungie, but unlike them, we actually respect one another. So just this once, let's Fight as a team!

Arbiter: Fine, just so long as I don't have to put a blue/purple computer lady in my head or any of that bullshit.

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Blue Team on Genesis

Kelly-087: John, I'm scared.

John-117: ah, Don't worry, Kelly. If we were gonna die, Cortana would have killed us by now.

Kelly-087: Who said anything about dying? I'm scared they'll write blue team out of the game. I mean what purpose do our characters even serve at this point?

John-117: Uh...well, you're uh...you're um-uh...er-uh...uh...

Kelly-087: You don't even know, do you?!

John-117: Well, give me a few minutes here, I'll think of something. (pauses) Uh...yah....ueh...da...that is to say...er-uh...aw dangit!