#ive had this in my drafts since i was like 14 but i was too scared to publish it LOL

[salemmoncler]

katsuki bakugou LOVES doing your lip liner.

—————————————————————————————

he's got you sat up on the bathroom sink, snugged in between your thighs with a nyx lip liner pencil in the shade “dark brown” in his hand and your chocolate brown fenty gloss on the counter.

“don't fuck my lips up ki’ they're my best feature.” you pout your plump lips at him.

he scoffs, “whatever, I know what m’doin-” he gently starts to trace over the outline of your slightly dry lips, just so the liner would apply better.

he’s so memorized by you. he loves your pretty face, every single feature. your cute nose, plump and full lips, your dark brown eyes—he loves it all.

“y’so pretty, baby..” he whispers as he finishes your bottom lip, reaching for the gloss.

“aw, katsuki, you think im pretty?” you smile at him, already knowing that he does.

he scoffs at you and mumbles a little “duh” under his breath. he opens up the gloss and applies it to your top lip, then eventually your bottom. he personally thinks he nailed that shit.

he grabs you by your thighs and lifts you off the sink so you could see yourself in the mirror. “see baby? i told you i was a fuckin professional.”

“okay, baby, i see you! you did good!” you’re cheesing so hard in the mirror because he did such a good job; he might’ve done a better job than you ever could.

you turn to face him to give him a kiss without realizing it would mess your lips up.

“y/n! you ruined my hard fuckin work,” he raises his voice a little in surprise.

“oops..” you whisper, staring at your lip combo on his lips.

“i guess we twinning now, baby.”

“please shut up,” he says with a smile. this man really loves you down, and he wouldn’t trade you for the world.

—————————————————————————————

[samioli]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Saw this on my dash and there was permission for anyone who writes fics to do it, so I'm doing it!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

41!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

271,531! I'm pretty proud honestly, never thought the number would get so high! Also I'm pretty sure the smut alone is over 100,000 LMAO

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Ace Attorney at the moment!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

like a warm embrace

rough around the edges

wait (they don't love you like I love you)

where there is a flame (someone's bound to get burned)

hold onto me ('cause I'm a little unsteady)

WOW honestly i didnt know the last one was so high!! That was my first ever aa fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! What ends up happening is that I respond pretty well at first, but then i get overwhelmed and stop replying :(( And then by the time I'm ok again, i feel like it would be weird to respond. Please know i read each comment and it means the world to me!!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely 'burning the memories (that might have redeemed you)' since its a fic that takes place during 1-2 and before edgeworth's character development. I STILL HAVE THE HAPPY ENDING SEQUEL IN MY DRAFTS LMAO. I hope to finish it one day!!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Not sure! Most of my fics have happy endings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, not hate at least. Ive gotten some backhanded compliments before, but never flat out hate. Thank goodness for that.

9. Do you write smut?

Too friggin much

10. Do you write crossovers?

The closest ive ever gotten is a WIP where its a low-key Good Omens and Ace Attorney crossover, lmao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully no!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! What's new pussycat was translated into Chinese recently!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nah, I would be open to it, though!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Nrmt for real. They make my brain go BRRRRRRRR.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There's a lot, lmao. Probably the sequel to I am not a vessel for your good intent.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue I would say. Dirty talk too, in smut.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions😔

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Nah, not my thing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Flash lmao

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I'd have to say Flame! That's my baby, and I think it has some of my best writing and pining in there.

I'm tagging @sapphire-wine, @majoringinsarcasm @sandboxer

@rage-against-the-dying-of-light, @apprenticeofdoyle and anyone else who would like to do this!!!

[disneyprincemuke]

✨3k celebration post✨

right before the new year, i hit 3k followers on this blog!!! while i've had this account for years (literally since i was 14 i think, i'm 23 now) i definitely cheated a bit to get here and be celebrating it with this new fandom i'm in <3 but this is the most interaction i've gotten, after years here, and i cannot be any more on my knees for the new friends i've made i returned to this account with a max verstappen fic that i'm still very proud of and fell in love with writing again after taking a long long four year break from it and i've met so many of you that i'm sOOO glad to now be associated to <3 let's forget the fact that i tried celebrating 2k (failed horribly) and focus on this one ok <3 please stick around, i do have a celebration post that i'm currently drafting out as you read this

the biggest shoutout to @angsthology for stumbling into my life this year (i still remember being in the club drinking with my friends when she tagged me in rvstw and being so curious as to who tagged me at like 11pm on tumblr) and now we're mutuals on tiktok and just make each other sad with the most random f1 tiktoks, like i ALWAYS look forward to seeing her notification after i post because she's truly just so so funny,, tine, you have no idea how much you made me enjoy being on tumblr this year

and i guess also @localwhoore for terrorising my dash with sad edits that make me fear for my life, i appreciate you being so funny and sometimes giggling at my fics <3

AND ALL MY ANONS FOR ENTERTAINING MY LOGAN ERa and always supporting my fics (i dont think ive ever had this many people talk to me about my fics) and giving me the best ideas to post while i'm in the worst writers block of my life right now <3 i always look at my inbox first thing in the morning to see if you guys were being deranged in my sleep and you guys always put a smile to my face and make my day feel so lovely (also, thank you so much for being just as invested in femdriver and logan as i am because those two are our kids fr)

never forgetting to thank @renarots for picking up the courage to dm me first and striking up at friendship because i'd been too timid to start one with her after lurking on her tumblr account since i started my f1blr journey and now we cry about our fucked sleeping schedules ugh

i'm SURE there are more people i'm forgetting to name drop right now, and if i did forget you, please don't think i'm not appreciative of your presence on my blog!!! i've seen a lot of recurring names in my notifications with comments and consistently liking my posts, and i want you all to know that i see you and i love you and that i also want to kiss you :* please stick around and giggle with me because the holidays are over and that means my sleeping schedule will be fixed very soon

[fruitybashir]

omg hiiii i know it’s been a long time since I screamed at you about how awesome your fic is (was busy with exams and being sick and all that) now that I actually caught up

OH MY FUCKING GOD i love it soooo much I blushed constantly i felt like jumping around in pure joy chapter 14 was soooo good!!! Like thank you for all that and it was so long too (i was like it’s never ending aahahhh yayyyy and i was sad when it did but it’s fine) but I imagine it must’ve been a lot of effort and time into that…. Like good god it’s been a long time since I’ve had such happy energy so thank you ❤️❤️❤️

aaaahhhhh omggg you have no idea how happy your message just made me

im so glad the chapter brought you so much joy!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖

and tbh this chapter actually flowed somewhat easy, ive had a very rough draft of The Scene from almost the very beginning, i did get a lot longer that i imagined it would though hahaha

also fun fact like 80% of that smut scene was written at the warsaw airport on my way home from the munich concert lmao just sitting in a cafe in the middle of the airport hoping no one would look too close at my screen

[noodle-artist]

Ooo a tag game!!! Thanks @ikari-cat 💙💚 (ive had this in my drafts since the day you tagged me haha 😂)

1) Are you named after anyone?

My first name, Emily, is from my mother’s great aunt. Who I actually know nothing about haha 😂 apparently my dad thought it was a sissy name 💀

2) When was the last time you cried?

Two nights ago. I was listening to “Sacrifice” by the kiner siblings. It’s from the second season of the bad batch and yeah… there was a death. The song really embodies the helplessness someone feels when watching someone else die. That “yeah there’s nothing anyone could have done to stop this from happening and now all I can do is watch”.

3) Do you have kids?

Proud mother of a 1 year old

4) What sports do you play/have you played?

Played soccer for one summer and then volleyball for a few years. It wasn’t anywhere close to real volleyball but I cherish the friends I made along the way and all 6 participation medals 🏅😂

5) Sarcasm? Rarely

6) What is the first thing you notice about people?

Their looks: what they’re wearing, their hairstyle, just the overall vibe. I’m kind of going through a wardrobe change so I’m looking for outfit inspirations. I also love how we live in a world with such diverse people, it’s crazy how we all can look so different from one another.

7) What’s your eye color?

Hazel 🤎💚💙

8) Scary movies or happy endings?

Damn. This is hard… but i prefer happy endings ✨ (shoutout to Alien/s and Poltergeist ❤️ I love you but I’m picking that dreamworks happy ending any day)

9) Any talents? I. Make. Art. 👁️ 👁️ Also I think I’m pretty good at math and problem solving.

10) Where were you born?

Siri, play “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. I love my southern roots and there are so many amazing places to explore here (but god do I hate the politics 😫)

11) What are your hobbies?

I make art, play video games (fav is hades), I like playing logic puzzles, I also like to read but I haven’t been able to do that recently ( with ADHD it’s hard to get into any book) I also recently got into watching horror game play throughs.

12) Do you have any pets?

My son. Dimitri

13) How tall are you?

5’3

14) Fav subject in school?

Haha going to be oddly specific here but it’s the truth: intro to circuits and digital electronics 😂 (I can prob throw in coding too but I really really love solving circuits. Doesn’t mean I like building them tho 💀 that’s why I code now.)

15) Dream job?

Would love to be a concept artist or have an art related job. May even go back to school and get a graphic design degree.

I’m probably just going to end the tagging here haha 😂 I want to tag my dimileth moots but I’m afraid I’ll tag someone that was already tagged

[first-mistake-forever-more]

ive been running this blog since i was 14.(2016) ive deleted most of th shit from back then but there's still some little key things I wanted to preserve bc i thought theyre cute,even if theyre not really important.. just random snippets. There's a lot of STUFF here. mostly in my chatlogs (too emotional for me to ever read again in my Life, but it's there). There's one or two draft posts of unfinished teen drawings and OCs i never posted(i used to have OCs).

idk Where i was going with this i lost the thread, ig i was just thinking about My present life bc I haven't Rly been drawing as intensely as I would've when I was younger, but at the same time the arts are felt so much more intensely and they impregnate everything in my life right now, my schedule, friendships, mentality, everything, and just remembereing that at some point it wasn't like that. I was just in highschool or in my room and had no real life deep friendships and I wanted to leave my country and meet my online friends and ig it's just so insane to me Right Now bc Life is good here. And i was able to build up from where I started

[youngpettyqueen]

🗣️❌?

🗣️ "Talk about your favourite WIP"

"rumour has it" cause its just a ridiculous silly concept. I typically focus on writing a lot of emotional stuff that leans more into angst, so this one is fun cause its just silly! its fun! there are no stakes to it its just Hawkeye being a pain in the ass while BJ takes things way too seriously. there's no heartbreaking reveal to be had, no angsty twist, its just MASH shenanigans

I like to think of this fic as like. the B plot to an episode thats got horrors going on elsewhere. like in the background of all this nonsense you've probably got something traumatizing going on but its nowhere to be seen here. this is the bridge subplot of The Best of Enemies. this is BJ and his motorcycle in Blood and Guts. this is my magnum opus and I cant wait to share it because its soooo funny for me

also its fun dialogue practice because MASH jokes and one liners are ELITE

❌ "What WIP do you find the most challenging? Why?"

the last chapter of "and miles to go before i sleep" is being such a royal pain in my ass and I WISH I knew why. im almost done im ALMOST done but the last bits are just. biting me. im not sure why because I love this fic, I love this concept ive got, but for some reasons the words will not come to me. im wrestling with myself and first drafting- as if I havent been drafting the rest of my fics, INCLUDING the first two chapters- really hard with this one

I think some of it might be because this is my first multi chapter fic since I was... 14? so im just out of practice with scheduled updating. hindsight being 20/20 I would wait to post the start of a multi chapter fic till ive fleshed out the remaining chapters more- im used to multi chapter writing with like, the actual novel im working on, which. ive been working on for several years. im USED to taking my time. and there's nothing wrong with doing that with fics! but next time id go in more prepared so I dont accidentally leave people on a cliffhanger. for over a month

(im gonna finish it in the next few days I swear I SWEAR)

? "Choose a random WIP and talk about it"

hm lets see for this one ill go with... “it’s not chicken soup, but it’s good for the soul”

this one's tagged to Carry On, Hawkeye and its just a scene of Trapper taking care of Hawkeye while he's sick. its gonna be very short, very sweet, it comes from a place of wanting to explore some Hawkeye and Trapper (and Hawkeye/Trapper) feelings and such. I dont write nearly enough with them and I want to do more! and what better way to do that than with one of my fav episodes?

fun fact about this one, I had actually started an early draft ages ago, where it was a scene between Hawkeye and Margaret instead, but I ended up scrapping it. I repurposed some of it into "a good nurse (friend, a good friend)" which is a scene with Margaret taking care of a sick Hawkeye, but its not set in that episode and rather set sometime post-s6. the original draft wasn't working for me the way I wanted it to so I ended up scrapping it, but recently I was thinking about Carry On, Hawkeye again so I decided to try and crack at it with Trapper because ive been meaning to write more with him

listen the MASH tag is full of people clamouring for more hurt Hawkeye and sick Hawkeye and what am I if not a people pleaser. im here to deliver im here to provide the hurt/comfort. also I just love to do this to him. thats how you know he's my fav because I keep putting him in situations or expanding on the situations the show put him into. this is how I show affection

[zak-shit]

march 1st 2024 9:14 pm

don't greatly feel like doing this rn, but i know I do need to.

brain is constantly racing lately. i mean constantly i really do.

the grief of losing lisa has been coming harder, i really miss her and i cant believe she is really gone. i will never forget that woman. lisa was truly my favorite person growing up. she's a real angel now.;/ Marisa Lynn just called me while I was writing the below stuff, she said new years eve was the best. I think about thanksgiving alot too, we had a all nighter, I'll never forget seeing Lisa on the back porch as the sun came up. and that was practically the last time I really saw her. Her health went downhill so quick after that.. I had the thought earlier like things just came together in a way, and that night was almost a send off for her. except nobody knew. it was really our fucking reunion., and it turned into our last night together.

tomorrow ive got to go to my brother casey's wedding ;| i haven't seen this side of my family in like nearly 5 years. i ordered something I really like to wear, something that is appropriate, but also boldly ME. It may not arrive in time, and I don't know what to wear in that situation yet, also don't know if what I already have that is appropriate is something i feel comfortable wearing/ me. :/ but its fineeeeeee this wedding will happen. i'm going to see both of my brothers tomorrow, my dads brother (he's chill) and my other niece's and nephews. just weird bc i don't know these people honestly. we have a zero on the relationship bar. idk that just makes me anxious, uncomfortable... shruggg. i just know when I have a life event I wouldn't invite them, but I feel obligated. however i do also feel immensely happy for Casey, the divorce of his first marriage im sure was extremely hard for him. i'm glad he has a great partner now, large happy family. he seems content the last few times I'd seen him. Casey is the only one I have seen in the last 5 years. My aunts funeral, fathers day like two years ago, and Marissas baby shower. He is a good guy, and he deserves to be celebrated and have who he wants to show up for him, show up. I'll also have Cece, and Marissa there to keep me company.

i feel alone. Wrote that before Marisa Lynn called me. Expecting and hoping she calls me back. Idk, its Friday night and I'm all alone, not much is stimulating to me. I don't have a hyper fixation right now, so its like I have nothing lol. makes me feel like a zombie just coasting through life. I understand why my comfort/ favorite/ go to people cant hang out tonight but idk I miss them. And I had to cancel plans with Alyssa for tomorrow bc I changed my mind on attending the wedding. Texted her asking about other days after we talked and she said she was soooo happy I was going. and nothinnnnnn. idk a little "let me seee" and then get back to me would be nice... i know shes got alot going on though. im not upset with her at all. but I miss her :( Ruby cant hang because her back is killing her :( also not upset with her at all, i see her all the time lol. but idk maybe i'm just a bit bored... I have decided to start working shows at the theatre again! maybe partly for a little stimulation. Its been so long since I've done a show! I used to think strongly that I couldnt do it because I'm not getting payed.. but I was never payed before, I always did it because I enjoyed it so much! Its something to do thats a passion of mine. also the sense of community is great and admirable. everyone who is there.. wants to be there! its not like at work where people are miserable. I applied on the website, but i think I'll draft an email to someone tonight. I wanna jump on this burst of energy for it before it goes away and I don't take it up again. plus I'd like to see how much I like it. Crazy being able to get back into hobbys. lol for so long I thought it was possible to make time for it. and hey with me being active there again, maybe it would be easier to also get Cece into it.

I also bought some adderal from Kerri, I think thats what has awoken quite a bit inside me. i really need this shit to be real human. lol especially the highted emotions. I've actually cried both yesterday and today. and its been so therapeutic. Lisa also took me to my first audition into the theatre, she sat there while I did it, she filled out the paperwork. I thank her for that. I wished I could in person because that really means alot not looking back and seeing how far that took me/ changed my life. it really did change my life. so did our pitch perfect binges. <3

my mom has been really good lately. she stopped drinking as much. like for a few weeks, maybe 2 weeks. she didnt really drink at all. shes been alot more active around the house, she said she would treat herself to it on saturdays. which is fair, thats cool. so yesterday, a thursday when I came home and I could tell she at least had a buzz going on, it instantly locked up. idk i was dissappointed, i was angry, I was sad. It triggered me for sure, because, for once I wasnt expecting it. at least on Saturdays I would expect it. I can clock when shes had a sip of alcohol better than I can clock probably anything. so she cant lie to me about it.. but also highly emotional on it because I've wanted the last few weeks to be our reality for so long, and so badly... she really seems ready to cut it down to one day a week. and I know she can do it, she just did it. she just has to stick to it. I have high hopes, thats why I didnt blow up or something about it, also because i'm smarter than that, i know time and place to be heard best. and after a drink its never there. I just mentioned it this morning. I think she had a tiny bit to drink tonight too.

currently talkin flirtin with trey <3 i want him :((

xoxo wasted a bunch of time its now 12:29 am need to try to get sleepy byeeee

[nagdabbit]

20 Questions for Writers

tagged by the ever lovely and incomparable @sybilius 💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

251,933

3. What fandoms do you write for?

aew/wrestling right now, stranger things in the fairly recent past, marvel in the far distant past but those fics have been lost to time and we're not gonna revisit them ever

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

all of my top five are st harringrove fics, which checks out

lamp-bright rind - celebrity chef billy, unable to cook lawyer steve, they're neighbors, there's mistaken identities, there's cooking lessons, there's healing, there's kittens named after varying kinds of pasta

lit up like a match - soulmate au with trans billy. the idea being, what name would appear on your soulmate if you were trans

keep me in your glow - a sequel/companion to lit up like a match

sugar, butter, flour - the first st fic i wrote, a tiny stranger than fiction-ish au, but without the author narration

to carry within us an orchard - a prequel to lamp-bright rind where billy and robin get extremely drunk and bond

5. Do you respond to comments?

i used to be really good about it, but about the time i was finishing lamp-bright rind, i had what i affectionately refer to as a "hit burnout so goddamn hard i lost my entire mind and will to take part in the ever-loving hell of online existence" and just like. stopped writing for a long while. and as i started getting back into writing, and actually logged in to ao3, the number of comments in my inbox genuinely frightened me and the imposter syndrome portion of burnout recovery hit like a freight train, and i still just can't figure out how to make myself hit reply. i cherish the ones that i do get tho. like, so nuch

this has been ✨🌟 therapy appointments are only so long we haven't made it to that part yet 🌟✨ with your friend daggs

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't think ive written anything with an angsty ending, now that i think about it. not posted, at the very least. the choked out series, if id ever got around to still caring about it enough to finish it, would have had an HELLA angsty ending (the draft after mox left wwe and popped up to attack elias)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

lamp-bright rind. just pure golden softness. the dewy soft, morning light, quiet of a kitchen with your beloved, while a ring box weighs down your pocket kind of happy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not since the way back of the marvel fandom, when i could scarcely sting a sentence together

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have, but not well and i generally stay away from writing it

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

never been posted, but there is a hobbs and shaw/13 rounds 3: lockdown wip that lives forever in my docs and will never be published

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that ive ever seen

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but i think it would be fun!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

oof. shit. eddie/mox (/renee). they compel me.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i feel like the bookshop will never get finished and i hate it. like, i know how it's supposed to end, so, just gotta get there

16. What are your writing strengths?

pfft i have no goddamn idea

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

too many words for too little meaning

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't think ive included other languages in what fics ive posted, so i haven't actually had to think about how id do it all that much recently. i dont speak a second language, despite my entire family being and speaking swedish, so i feel like i struggle with using other languages in my writing. like, i have no real or true context for how this conversation would go, so i feel like i fumble and use the wrong words or sentence structure

whatever language is being spoken, i like to actually see it in fics. like, i don't like to see it already translated and in english until I've reached the end of the fic. when im in it, i like to actually hear the language and use the context of the story to understand it. or if the narrator isn't the one speaking, have them translate it in character, however (un)reliable they might be. that's just a personal preference tho

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i was a bandom baby in the way back of middle school and that's as close as we're getting and we will speak no more of it

20. Favorite fic you've written?

probably come through callin'

it just. kinda happened very suddenly, at a time when i really needed it and it's just really, extremely important to me

tagging anyone and everyone reading this, if you can read it you have been tagged tell em daggs sent ya

[montyywritess]

pet loss. ive already flooded my other socials w this grief so i have nowhere else to put ittt. there's legit nothing happy under the readmore as a warning. sheer vent post. was going to just draft it but i need to TALK about her.

my brain just has broken. it's only been a day so i know the pain is nowhere near over. truthfully, i think i could be in my 50s or 60s and still cry about my baby girl.

i just hate that the waves seem so strong and from nowhere too. i can just be talking about nothing even related to losing my dog, and i'll feel bad for laughing. i'll feel bad for feeling any joy. because it's not TRUE joy. because i know my true happiness was when i was going on walks with her, or cuddling her on the couch. or when she tapped my hand for more attention.

i feel like there's been an injustice, how a dog so loving and sweet had to die. and why did the world have to keep on going without her.

14 years of my life is such a long time when im not even 30 yet. and she's loved me during all of them. quite literally at my worst, she's seen me through it all. and she HAS. she wasn't just a dog that was 'there.' my babs was so observant, so in tune with everything i did. she followed me like a shadow. she knew when i was sad, she knew when i needed cheering up.

when i first moved away from home at 17. every triumph and every low point, she was there.

what's crazy is i didn't even need to train her? for anything. she never once had an accident in the house, until towards the end of her life. i showed her once, pee outside. and she did it ever since. i didn't need to train her on or off a lead. she knew. she just KNEW. she stayed by my side if we went on walks alone. the furthest she'd ever go was a few paces ahead, and then she'd stop to check i was still there. she'd only ever trot away further if i was with other people, but then she'd bound on back to us to make sure we were still together. she never was aggressive in the slightest. she was patient with everybody. as i went on to welcome cats and other dogs into our lives, she SHOWED THEM THE ROPES. she welcomed them too. she taught our other dog lola basically everything too, as we rescued lols from a neglectful situation, she didn't even know how to play with toys, but baby showed her. baby was and is the definition of perfection.

i even remember when she had her head buried in some tall grass, a HUGEE mastiff came running on over to her. she was still sniffing away. and then he said hi by sniffing her butt. she didn't even jump. she slowly lifted her head out of the grass and gave him a ??? look. like he was a peasant disturbing her.

babs absolutely made everybody fall in love with her whoever met her. even people who hate chihuahuas. "i never knew they were like this?" ALL of them said it.

there's only been two times in her life that she showed a mean streak and that was protecting me from people who meant me harm. despite her size, she was willing to hurt herself to save me. obviously i didn't let that happen but the fact she was willing to, meant everything.

she slept with me every night, tucked herself in the crook of my knees and we'd be like book ends. sometimes i'd wake up with her head on my pillow, tucked in the covers like she was a human.

there was something magical about her, that i've never had with any other dog. not even dogs i've owned or fostered. like she'd been on this earth before. so wise and kind.

i have SO many beautiful memories of her i've ordered a huge journal where i will start writing them as they come to me, so they can be remembered forever because i'm terrified of forgetting them.

but now i have one horrible memory that wont leave me and thats of her taking her last breath in my arms. i couldn't stop telling her thank you, and telling her it was okay. but its burned into my brain and i feel sick. i can't sleep because of it. i know that i owed it to her to be there, to make sure she wasn't wondering where i was. because she would have. i owed it to our bond and the 14 years of her always being there for me. but fuck, it's awful.

all of this feels so fucking wrong. i dont think i was supposed to be here without her and now im just stuck. now the rest of my life, she won't be there. it's not fair.

[angelmom7511]

The shitshow that is my life in abridged version:

In 2011 my life turned to shit.  I lost my second child.  It was brutal.  I literally laid in a pool of my blood waiting on paramedics to come get me.  I'd find out later that had turned blue from the blood loss, my veins were collapsing too it took them forever to get ivs in me. 

2012 took my step mom, making my dad to attempt to commit suicide one month after her death.  I was newly pregnant with my third child. 

Before my son turned 1, my grandaddy had a stroke, and thus began that saga.  My grandpa had also been put in a nursing home due to his Parkinsons and the dementia along with it.  He passed in 2015. 

December 2017, I was in two accidents.  The second is the one that made my life go further downhill.  I have been in pain since that day he hit me.  It hasn't stopped.  Everything in my low back, left hip, and the sciatic nerve have never quit hurting. Anything to help it, has only worked slightly but nothing has taken this pain away. 

February 2019, I am in my third accident in 14 months.  I'm thinking where the hell is this bullseye I seem to have on me.  This is where I am fucking screwed. 

I have no job for a bit. So I lose my health insurance.  New job is part time, so no insurance through then.  I'm off some of my meds including my antidepressants. 

July 2019 my grandaddy gets worse, they call in the family.  So my anxiety shoots through the roof.  I have trouble eating, I'm nauseous all the time, I dropped 20 lbs in a month. I'm not doing good at all.  Grandaddy passes August 9, the day I miscarried my first child.  They tell me later they told him to get a move on by telling him to go look after my daughter. The thread holding me together fucking snaps. 

Tuesday right after he dies is his funeral, I get a call that they find my sister dead.  I know right then and there I'd never know what killed her.  Her family like disowned us after her mother died.  Acted like we didn't exist. 

Grandaddys funeral goes as well as can be expected.  Since there's issues with my sisters family, we weren't invited to whatever they intend to do.  A group of her friends holds a memorial.  My husband is like complaining the entire time he's there. Then someone lights up a joint.  Keep in mind we are outside.  He flips his lid wanting to leave early because he doesn't want the kid around it.  It was not going to hurt him at all.  I was pissed he had to do that to me.  I then had insurance again so I knew I needed to get my antidepressants back, I told him I was going to the doctor and why.  His first response was, "figured out you've been hard to live with huh?"

I wrote my feelings down on a piece of paper in a rough draft that was nasty and raw and would definitely make anyone feel like shit, but it was never meant to be read by anyone but me so I could clean it up and make it not so harsh.  He found it and read it, leaving that weekend to stay with his mom. October he tells me he wants a divorce, that he doesn't want to work on our marriage.  He gave up. 

I tried to enter the dating world as a single mom.  Dudes are fucking gross.  Like 9 out of 10 are wanting to show off their dick.  Like seriously dude can you not because if that's all you have to offer me, this will NOT work. 

So enter Dale... name not changed as he doesn't deserve to be protected.  Dale, it seems, is a drug addict.  So he uses me as his money mule for drugs, spinning all sorts of lies to get more money off of me.  He manipulated me.  He gaslit me too.  I was made to feel it was my fault for things.  I was questioned as if I was a cheater because the drugs made him paranoid.  He threatened to hit me in a drug and alcohol fuelled rage.  I gave him a chance to make it right by getting off the drugs.  I would help and then I caught him in a lie and I wasn't able to continue with the relationship that way.  It was a bad break up.  Where I was made to feel like it was all my fault and that I was never that good looking anyway you know just trying to make me out to be awful.  Lower my self esteem, and it worked.  I don't feel I'm worthy of anyone's love and that I'm ugly as hell because that's all I've been told.  Then being ignored by my husband for so long in our marriage does horrible things to your mind.  I got called ugly all throughout school so hearing it again in my mind fucked me up badly. 

This week on Monday I got called by my lawyer to discuss my case.  Because of accident number 3 I'm not getting what I deserve money wise on my case as anything that happened after that accident occurred is literally like it didn't happen.  So now I'm not getting enough to get through all of my debt.  I was out of work for a few weeks and then I had a boss who then had me working 23 hours a week at $10 per hour.  I haven't been able to make ends meet.  I don't know how I can catch up now that I have more debt added to my pile.  I currently don't have health insurance.  I have a better job but I can't catch up enough because I'm so far behind.  I'm adding stress on my stress and it's just getting worse, depressive feelings are off the wall, loneliness of being a single mom and no man to share the good and bad times with is very hard. 

The isolation of not really having friends is catching up to me too. I'm truthfully not doing well at all.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

It burns, doesn’t it? [Pt. 18] | millions burning | rough draft

Genre/au: Mafia!au, Mature, Fluff, Angst…so much angst. Violence and all that good mafia stuff. Warning: This story contains graphic imagery, mature subject matter, improper drug usage, self-medication, including but not limited to crude/unnerving behavior, intensity, bloody, v slight-gore, etc.

Members: BTS Feat. Got7

→ Pairing: Jungkook x reader x ( ? ) →Summary: Why am I hurting alone? Why am I in love alone?

author’s note: there will be a taglist for the next update! please comment on this post if u want to be tagged💜 P.s ive been sick for like the whole week so ive been power writing💖💪

Released →  Pt. 18

| Prologue | Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6 | Pt. 7 | Pt. 8 | Pt. 9 | Pt. 10 | Pt. 11 | P. 12 | Pt. 13 | Pt. 14 | Pt. 15 | Pt. 16 | Pt. 17 | Pt. 18 | Pt. 19 | Pt. 20

The pungent smell of marijuana engulfs your nostrils as soon the person walks inside. When you hear them clear their throat, you know exactly who it is. It's Jimin. Your chest fades into a bed of butterflies and the idea of talking to him alone makes you nervous. 

You're peeking through the crack of the door as he leans against the counter.

You're still watching him and he hasn't noticed. He took out his phone and started typing. That's when you decide to crawl out of the pantry and he flinches when he sees you emerge from the tiny space.

"Y/n," He sighs, brows furrowing in confusion, "what're you doing?"

"I was- I came down here earlier to get, um-" You clamber to explain yourself. "To get a-"

"Were you spying on me?"

You swallow, "Of course not! I wouldn't do that-"

"I'm kidding," He shoots you a dull smile, calming your nerves. "where's Jungkook? I’m surprised you’re not glued to his hip.”

"Upstairs, I was a little hungry so I came down to get something but I'm not hungry anymore." 

He pushes back his brassy blonde hair, his eyes wander to the alcohol on the table and he giggles a little. You? Drinking alcohol?  

"You've been drinking?"

"A little, Jungkook and I," Along with that pungent smell on his clothes, you catch a whiff of some type of liquor on him. You smile, "smells like you had a little bit yourself."

"Hm," He nods, "a little."

He looks like he's uninterested in talking to you, but you know that can't be true. It's Jimin after all.

"Why have you been acting like, I don't know," You blurt it out without thinking. "...Like you don't want to talk to me?" 

His heart stops for a moment and he withdraws. "I don't think I have, that's how you feel?"

"Well, yeah. For a while, you were my only true friend and I thought you cared enough about me to at least t- talk to me...You haven't said a word to me since we got here." Tears well in your eyes. Naturally, you try to cover your face with your hands, in a futile attempt to stop the tears. "This situation is already difficult to adjust to and you treating me like a stranger doesn't help."

"Y/n," He leans against the counter, trying to distract himself with tapping the cool granite, rather than listening to your hitched breath. Those sounds are pure torture to him, “things are just complicated." 

He says that, but here he is, watching you ball your eyes out because he hasn't been paying you even the slightest attention. "How are they complicated?"

"Do you not realize what's happening? We're all under one roof and there's bad blood on all sides here. He doesn't trust me and you know this, Y/n," He turns from you, "You're just not thinking straight." 

What is he saying?

"I thought of you as a real friend, it sounds so stupid now but that's how I felt. You listened to me, you didn't just hear what I said, you listened and you seemed like you cared." You hiccup, biting your lip incredibly hard to resist sobbing. "It's not f- fair to do this to me."

"Fair? Y/n, how the fuck do you think I feel?" He walks up to you, no longer worried about keeping a distance, 

"Do you think this easy for me? Do you think I can just forget about you because you’re with him? You loved my attention, you were looking for it constantly and I gave it to you whenever you wanted it because I wanted to see you smile at least once a day, that was my goal. If I could do that, then I was doing something right. I was there for you when you were at your lowest, and do you know what you told me? You're not Jungkook."

You forgot you said that to him.

"I spent all of that time with you but you’ll always run to him. I kissed you and maybe deep down inside I thought you'd kiss me back or feel something for me but you didn't. And I had to accept that you love Jungkook and I'm not him. So nothing is fair in this world, sometimes you just have to suck it up."

"Jimin," Guilt consumes you and you want everything in the world to take back what you said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Look, I don't know what I'm feeling or what this is between us but it has to stop." He drags his hands down his face, regretting that this conversation had to start tonight. 

"Jimin, that doesn't mean not you're allowed to care about me." You whimper, wiping your cheek sloppily. "As a friend..."

"Y/n, it's not that simple." He combs through his hair. "God, you treat me like I'm harmless like I'm not capable of hurting you. I could hurt you, in a way that shatters the mental image of yourself, of who you were before me. I've made people so totally devoted to a persona that I've created just to get what I want, I could do that to you." His expression saddens because even though he's saying it he can't bear the thought. "Aren't you afraid of that?"

"S- stop saying things like that...You- you wouldn't do that to me. I'm sorry if I hurt you or made you feel used. I was just so lonely and broken, and you were there and when I was with you I actually wanted to live, I wanted to be happy because you reminded me that it was still possible," You sniffle, "I- I'm sorry that I held onto that so tight."

"Hey, I know," He tilts his head, looking in your glossed over eyes as if they had some type of soul-saving properties, "you don't have to cry, okay? I know you're sorry, and I am too. Y/n, it kills me to see you like this..."

But when you look up at him, nose red and glistening eyes—he can't take it anymore.

"It's okay," Jimin throws all caution to the wind and embraces you, he takes a few breaths and exhales in relief. "calm down,"

* * * * * * * 

"What's taking so long..." You said you were hungry but he assumed you weren't going to down there to make a whole meal. Curiosity gets the best of him. He hopes out of the bed and goes downstairs to see what you're doing — what he sees shocks him to the bone.

There you are, wrapped in Jimin's arms and crying. Anger bubbles in his chest, but for your sake, he keeps it at bay. Quietly, he approaches you two and Jimin open his eyes when he feels a dark presence. Oh shit.

"Somebody wanna tell me what’s happening here?"

“Jungkook?-” Without warning, you're being pulled from Jimin and squished against Jungkook like a stuffed animal to a child. "look at me," He holds you so that he can inspect your face,

"what's wrong? Why are you crying?" His brows are knitted tightly and he's alarmed, frantically trying to figure out why you're so distraught. "Tell me what happened." You push your face back into his chest and whine, you just can't say anything, he diverts his attention toward Jimin.

He switches out completely.

"What the fuck did you do?" Jungkook borderline growls, leaving you to get in Jimin's personal space.

"What do you think I did, Jungkook?" He bites back. "Why do you walk into a situation without any context and instantly start throwing blame?"

"Answer the question." He points at you. "You must have done something because she's crying and won't say anything. What did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything to her." Jimin looks to you, "Y/n, tell him-"

"Don't answer him," Jungkook abruptly stands in front of you, blocking Jimin's view of you completely. He looks back at Jimin, "and don't fucking talk to her."

[woos-sweaterpaws]

i want to get to know you so do 1-50 (except 29) 🌻

This is really really sweet of you anon thank u!!

__________________________________________

1. how many pillows do you sleep with?

I have 6 in my bed rn

and over 20 plushies

its never enough

2. do you believe in soulmates?

yes i do

3. would you ever kiss a stranger?

yes but not if its like total-never-spoke-to-them stranger

4. describe your dream house

i would prefer not a house but a nice penthouse-loft-apartment in a big city with a nice view and big windows

interior would be minimalistic style with light wood and a big double sized bed for me (since i dont think i will have a partner lol)

i would love an apartment with multiple floors or like a half-floor for the bedroom

5. do you usually use cash or card?

card

6. do you enjoy driving in general?

i hate it with a burning passion

7. do you like your name? if not, what would you change your name to?

i dont HATE my name

there are better/prettier ones but i think mine fits me

i would still like a more international name (since mine is kinda weird in the english speaking world) but  i dont have smth specific in mind

8. what’s your favorite cuisine?

italian ~

9. how often do you get massages?

i dont o.o i got some a few years ago because my back is fucked but otherwise never

10. do you play video games? if so, what games?

generally chill games like animal crossing, stardew valley and such, the big nintendo titles like mario kart and zelda, binding of isaac

11. do you prefer to color with colored pencils, crayons, or markers?

colored pencils!

12. what other fandoms are you in?

oh boy

okay so apart from all of kpop and thai dramas im in

skam

aftg

hp

trc

the mentioned video games if you wanna count that as fandoms

im probably forgetting a ton rn

13. do you have a signature in your style/everyday outfits?

if its comfy i like it

usually involves hoodies or boys shirts

i prefer if i dont have to worry about showing skin somewhere i dont want to

14. do you have any pets? if not, do you want some in the future?

no i dont have any atm but i had bunnies, birds and a guniea pig before. and yes i want cats when i move out

15. do you give objects you own a name? (car, house, plants, etc)

i named my cactus but it died (plants hate me) i also name all my plushies and random animals on the street

16. do you like the weather where you live?

its okay yea. summers are not too hot but i wish the winters were cold enough for snow :(

17. if you could wear one color for the rest of your life, what would it be?

black! its generally my comfort color in clothes

18. do you like making small talk?

WHO tf likes smalltalk? no!

19. what’s your favorite social media platform?

tumblr 100%

20. have you ever been to hawaii?

no :(

21. name a fashion trend that you absolutely hate

no offence but crop tops

i dont hate them they look good on you guys

but i hate that i cant find hoodies and shirts in womans sections anymore that arent cropped (ive been searching the past 6 months and everytime i like smth its cropped - i especially hated that when looking for oversized hoodies)

i dont wear them myself because cold so it sucks not finding cute clothes

i also fundamentally disagree with mustard-yellow

22. name a fashion trend that you absolutely love

oversized hoodies with ripped jeans and boots was my winter favourite

23. what was the last text you sent?

“okay” in out family groupchat lol

24. when making plans, do you like to organize or go with the flow when the time comes?

i like it to be organized but not be the one who actually organizes it if that makes sense?

25. what do you want to name your future kids?

i dont want kids but i wanna name my cats mochi and (c)leo (depending on gender)

26. do you have a type?

with looks i generally prefer darker hair with pretty eyes but if im comfortable with u it doesnt matter

if u like cuddling, are patient and gentle and love to make jokes that arent funny i probably like u lots

27. when was the last time you kissed someone?

like...kissed kissed? in grade 7 so...2012? my first and last kiss lol

28. how often do you cook?

as often as necessary, as little as possible (i cant really cook except for pasta and stuff so im mostly living of instant meals and “cut up a lot of things and put it in a pan until its browned” kinda stuff)

30. do you always remember your dreams?

no i dont

i had a dream diary once but that was a disaster

31. do you believe in ghosts?

yea kinda

i believe in invisible spirits/souls living with us yea

32. would you ever want to move outside of your country?

sometimes? im too scared to actually do it but there are many nice cities i would love to live in

33. describe your first love

well idk about love...it was always more of an obsession kinda thing and it was never a two-way-thing so i never had a real first love...

34. more peanut butter or more jelly?

i hate peanuts so no pb and only jelly (or nutella if you love me)

35. do your irls know about your tumblr account?

they know i have a tumblr but only my best friend actually follows me (and a high school friend i lost contact to)

my other friends dont have tumblr so they dont care

36. do you prefer hot or cold beverages?

cold!

37. when was the last time you finished a book?

i reread the aftg series last december for the 4th time

38. what would you want your wedding colors to be?

green-white? like a soft bright pastel green? maybe add pastel pink too

39. how long do you let your nails grow?

if i can see them clearly from the inside of my hand i cut them

40. if you could stay at a certain age, what age would you pick?

probably 19 or 7 theres no in between

41. who do you think has it easiest: older siblings or younger siblings?

older siblings because they learn responsibility earlier

i dont have siblings tho so idk

42. how often do you post on social media?

on tumblr daily, on insta never, on twitter occasionally if fun stuff happens

43. do you enjoy big groups?

nope

44. do you like it when you’re awaken by the sounds of birds chirping?

its better than my alarm but waaay too early so nope

45. which hand is your favorite?

left?

46. how many people do you follow?

1152 (yes i might have a problem)

47. how many followers do you have?

359 on my main and 27 on my fandom side account

48. how many drafts do you have?

53 but i use it to save posts i find interesting or that contain links i might need later

49. do you hang or fold your sweaters?

hang because im lazy and it saves space on the clothes dryer rack

50. even numbers or odd?

odd!

[artificialqueens]

Sweet like Sugar (Branjie) - Delia

AN: Hey lovelies! This is my first time writing fic, so please be gentle but also let me know what you think…a little Branjie sugar mommy for your nerves x ps: if you have any questions, comments or concerns feel free to hit me up on @thvnderfuckz pps: tw for some, very minor, implied daddy kink

BLH

25/F/New York City

I’m a 25 year old dancer from Toronto, working to start my career. I like fashion, nights out, and travelling. Seeking a partner who is fun, adventurous, and willing to support me in pursuit of my dream.

Brooke Lynn read over her bio for what must have been the seventh time in as many minutes and let out a sigh. Each draft that she’d written had sounded more robotic than the last. It’d been a long time since she had to write anything like this, having deleted Tinder, Bumble, and HER off her phone not long after she left Toronto. Since moving to New York, she’d discovered that she much preferred going out and finding women to hook up with in person. With her long blonde hair, dancer’s physique, and innate flirtiness, it was easy enough to find someone willing to take her home for the night. Easier, at least, than talking to a girl on an app for weeks, only to find out that she was interested in a long term commitment, and having to deal with their messy emotions after Brooke told them that she wasn’t interested. If there was one thing that she did not do, it was relationships.

And now, she was trying to get paid to be in one.

She’d be lying if she said that she never thought she’d be in a position like this. From the time Brooke had told her friends and family that she’d wanted to pursue dance as a full time career, she’d been given the “wouldn’t you rather something more secure” speech more times, and by more people than she could be bothered to count. Even her older sister Katya, who’d chosen to make abstract semi-sacrilegious art her vocation in life, had tried to suggest to her that she do something with a future that was less uncertain. But Brooke knew that she was born to dance, no matter what anyone tried to tell her to the contrary. If anything, their doubt fuelled her drive, and made it all the sweeter when she’d been offered a role in ensemble of the Broadway production of Moulin Rouge! upon her graduation from Ryerson. The moment that she’d stepped off the plane at JFK and stepped into the apartment that she would be sharing with another ensemble member from the show, Scarlet, she felt as though she was living her wildest dreams come true.

In all of her excitement at the time, Brooke forgot that the most wonderful dreams often lead to the harshest wake ups.

Four months into her run, the cast began to notice a dwindling number of fans at the stage door after each performance. Five months into her run, cast and crew alike began whispering about finding new jobs soon. Six months into her run, on a particularly humid Sunday in July, the cast and crew were gathered by the production team before everyone left the theatre and were told that the show would be closing at the beginning of September, after the Labour Day weekend. Brooke immediately started panicking at the prospect of being out of a job in one of the most expensive cities in the world. There was nothing she wanted less than to have to move back home to Toronto with her tail between her legs.

It had been two years since Moulin Rouge! closed, and although Brooke had managed to avoid making the move back home, she hadn’t been able to get a job performing since. She was always too tall, or too technical, or didn’t have enough personality. She’d been able to find a job in the meantime, teaching classes at a dance studio in Tribeca, but the money she made from that was barely enough to cover her necessities. It certainly didn’t cover luxuries such as brunch with your ex-roommate, as Brooke found out after her credit card was declined at her and Scarlet’s bi-weekly date. She barely had time to try and form an apology before she witnessed Scarlet reaching into her purse and placing a crisp one hundred dollar bill on the table, telling the waitress to keep the sixty dollars in change. Her embarrassed expression transformed into one of jaw-dropped shock as the redhead pulled her from the restaurant.

On the walk back to the subway, Scarlet revealed to Brooke that she’d been various “mutually beneficial relationships” with different men since she’d first moved to the city when she was 19, and that it had been her main source of income even while she was performing.

��It’s easy money, plus it’s kind of empowering,” explained Scarlet in her low voice, which still held a hint of the drawl indicative of her Southern upbringing. “It’s like, they have the money but I have all the emotional power. Without me generously donating my time to them, all these men have are their frigid marriages, or soul sucking jobs. A lot of the time the only thing standing between these powerful, rich men and a complete nervous break is me. And if that’s not power, I don’t know what is. So if I have to laugh at a few bad jokes and kiss a couple of CEOs to be able to live the kind of life I want, all while knowing that I could end any of these men at any given moment, then so be it.”

Oddly inspired by her friend’s speech, Brooke downloaded the sugar dating app onto her phone later that day.

And now here she was, sitting in front of her laptop at 11:00 pm on a Saturday night, drinking a bottle of wine and stress reading her three sentence bio for at least the tenth time. Fuck it, she thought, this is as good as it’s gonna get.

After clicking the “submit” button, Brooke was redirected to a page showing all of the potential sugar daddies in her area. As she scrolled through pages upon pages of photos of headless torsos, she became increasingly regretful of her decision to not filter out men immediately.

CEToEs

Disgusting.

KinkyExec

Nope.

DominantDaddy

Absolutely not.

Brooke was a lesbian, and had known that since she was 14. However, Scarlet told her that there were far more sugar daddies than sugar mommies in the New York area, and that a lot of the time the men didn’t necessarily even want sex. But as she clocked the usernames of several of the daddies on the app, it was clear that the redhead had either lied to her or was somehow the most blissfully oblivious girl in the city.

The blonde promptly returned to her settings page and deselected men as an interest. When she returned to the home page, she was delighted to see the profiles of fifty-or-so women pop up. She began scrolling again, hoping that someone would catch her eye.

WorldsMostPunkRockMoms

Meh. The two blonde women in the thumbnail picture were definitely beautiful, but Brooke didn’t know how she felt about getting involved with a couple who had a child.

Detoxicant

The woman in this picture looked like she’d had a lot of plastic surgery. Still, she was hot. Brooke tapped the little heart icon next to the photo and continued scrolling.

Toward the bottom of the page there was one profile that had a little green dot next to the thumbnail. Brooke took a little comfort in the fact that she wasn’t the only one on this app at this time on a weekend night. She clicked on the profile and two pictures filled her screen. The first was a headless torso shot of a woman wearing an oversized Versace t-shirt as a dress. Although her face was out of frame, Brooke could tell that the woman’s hair was a caramel brown, at least at the tips, and went to just below her collarbone. The second image was another faceless picture, but in this one the woman was wearing a spaghetti strapped red dress, showing off her deeply tanned skin and an, in Brooke’s opinion, weirdly specific chest tattoo of a hairless cat atop a red rose. The bio beneath the pictures read:

V 23/F/New York City

no face pics because i gotta stay lowkey. promise i’m not gonna kill you or anything like that, just lookin for a cute girl i can take out and trEat right.

Brooke rolled her eyes at the innuendo and let out a small huff of a laugh. The girl obviously had some sort of sense of humour, which she supposed was important. And it was pretty impressive that someone so young was in a position where they could support someone else financially.

The green dot was still displayed next to V’s username. She was still online. Brooke took a deep breath and clicked the chat icon at the bottom of the screen, typing out a quick, hopefully flirty-but-without-coming-on-too-strong, message.

BLH: I hate to break it to you, but saying ‘I’m not gonna kill you’ sounds exactly like what someone who would kill me would say ;)

Brooke quickly exited out of the app and opened up Instagram to check and see if Katya or her wife had added any new photos of their cats or dog. Before she could even begin typing her sister’s name into the search bar, her phone dinged, letting her know that V had responded.

V: hate to break it to you babe but saying youre looking for a partner sounds like youre tryna open up a lawyers office

Brooke swore under her breathe. She knew she sounded too robotic.

BLH: Oh god, I’m sorry. I’ve never done anything

V: lol relax mami, youre cute with all your worrying

She bit down on her lower lip, half in frustration and half trying to suppress a smile. V was already teasing her about her worrying, and they hadn’t even met yet.

BLH: Aren’t you more of the mommy in this situation though ;)

V: i mean i usually prefer daddy ;)

Brooke felt a quick rush of heat to her center at the word “daddy”. She closed her eyes trying to stave away memories of various nights in the alleyways behind various bars with various women.

BLH: I think I can make that work ;)

V: listen, not to be too upfront but youre gorgeous and id love to take you out sometime if youd want?

V: we could meet and figure out an allowance or something if thats what you want! ive done this once before and it was a really good experience for both of us…i gave her around $8000 a month for rent and stuff but we could figure out something specially for you if you need somethin different

Brooke could’ve sworn she felt her heart stop when she read the word “month”. She’d never been with one single person for more than three nights, much less on a month to month basis. But V seemed nice at least. And if not nice, she was at least experienced at this kind of arrangement, and was apparently quite generous to boot. Eight thousand dollars a month would cover her rent and utilities almost four times over. Eight thousand dollars a month would mean that she wouldn’t have to worry about getting her card declined at brunch. Eight thousand dollars a month meant that she wouldn’t have to pick up every possible shift at the studio, and could spend more time going to auditions.

Eight thousand dollars a month meant that she was definitely not turning V down right off the bat.

BLH: I’d love that. Name the time and place, I’m free when you are.

BLH: Daddy ;)

Brooke Lynn Hayhoe doesn’t do relationships — but for eight thousand dollars a month, she was willing to fake it.

[elliot-orion]

Writing Update 1/14/19

Words Written: 2218 

Favorite line:  I don’t particularly have a favorite from today, so here’s one from yesterday  -   I know what his magic feels like. It’s burning and alive, sparking through my fingers and racing through me faster than the horses at the betting rings the riggers like to visit. His magic always makes me giddy, even as it hurts. 

Update: Well it’s been a hot minute since i made one of these hasn’t it? That’s namely because i haven’t written much in a while, but I finally got my inspiration back after burning myself with nano (and essays, and finals, and too much traveling and...) The best thing is what i got inspo for. you read? CINABEAN!!! jesus CHRIST it’s been forever for this story and i’m so happy i finally got the excitement back for it because i’ve never even finished a whole first draft for this damned story and ive been working on it for literally 3 years now. THREE. AND NO FIRST DRAFT. its infuriating! But the story is now nearly 50k words, and is looking like it’ll probably be close to 65k or more? Not bad for a chronic underwriter’s first draft wouldn’t you say? I’m actually kinda proud of it, or as proud as you get for a first draft. tbh imma be super proud if it just gets done!!! 

It’s been so long i’m pretty sure no one even remembers it honestly, so if you want more on what Cinabean is please just send me an ask bc i’m always down to ramble about my boys. The story has really had some major reworking done to it since i last made a summary post, and even in this draft it’s gotten some serious drift from what i had outlined. But i’m a plantser so tbh the outline was 3 plot points and a lot of “and shit happens where we get xyz character development. somehow.”  But it’s 100% turning out better then the first few attempts were, which is evident by the fact it’s, you know, double if not triple the length any of those ever got too. So like, it’s good changes, trust me. Also it suits the character’s better. 

But enough rambling. I’ve been working on Cinabean, it’s going well, there’s the update. :))

[crafiet]

1-50 of the writer’s ask thing, go!

BITCH UR RUDE AF

The Basics1.     Do you listen to music when you write?mostly yeah but it depends on my mood2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?both, i was a complete pantser up until recently but ive been trying to outline big scenes so i know where im going3.     Computer or pen and paper?computer for drafting. pen and paper for outlining/planning4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?not published, dont wanna be5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?none but yesterday i wrote 2k /shrug6.     Single or multiple POV?usually single but ive been trying multiple!! its hard!!! idk what voice is!!7.     Standalone or series?ugh again mostly standalone, but ive been dabbling in series8.     Oldest WIPmy spies one which went though a fantasy and scifi phase and was originally dystopian9.     Current WIPmy mages! i have no titles bc who10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?nup

The Specifics11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the mostuhhhh to be fair im v easily influenced so if i read a book and really like it i subconsciously try to implement that style of writing or try out that genre in my own work12.  Describe your perfect writing spacea desktop next to a big open window where i can play music without headphones13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polisheduhhhh i dont have a finished wip yet so idk lol usually: idea→ characters→ plot→ spur of the moment 10k word vomit→ more planning, outlining→ more words→ repeat planning and drafting until finished14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?i just take a break, read some bad books, read some good books, look at writing tumblrs and just marinate for a bit before going back in15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?i perpetually have it and since i dont have deadlines or a publishing contract i just ride it out, writing is strictly a hobby for me16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?i edit as i go, im onto draft 2 of my mages but its technically a rewrite bc i changed most of the plot17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?i have none atm, but i usually pick a time where i know i wont be disturbed/distracted so usually at night18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?idw collab sdkksdlkbnsd die19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?i just really really like my worlds lol conceited 20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?i have!!! 5?

The Favourites21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?oh mannngggg i like all my protagonists, ary is the easiest bc shes the one i work with the most, but its super entertaining to be in remy’s head, and i like calyp’s bc hers is so different AAHH22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?remy and seth orrr red and kieran. if im answering this correctly? or do u mean types of pairings lol idk23.  Favourite authorhummm idk every author i really like have books i dont like so i cant say24.  Favourite genre to write and readfantasy25.  Favourite part of writingworldbuilding *.*26.  Favourite writing programgoogle docs. it would be word but im too poor to buy it lol27.  Favourite line/sceneidk if this is my favourite but“I am at least trying to be civil.”“I am being civil. You want me to yell at you? Turn into a wolf and fight it out like you’d want?”Kieran closed the file and stood. “I don’t—rem—”“Remember.”“I don’t remember you being so—” He searched for a word, but gave up and growled instead. Red got the idea.“Angry? Callous? I ought to reteach you the English language.”“I know how to speak,” Kieran blurted. “Remember, I spent twenty-four years a full human.”“And look how fast that’s disappeared.”28.  Favourite side characterwhat are side characters lol ENSEMBLE CASTS29.  Favourite villainossssshhhh probably michael bc i love him30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yetive started on all my wips im one of those bastards who can multitask

The Dark31.  Least favourite part of writingactually drafting lmao32.  Most difficult character to writeprobably christine bc shes meant to be relatable and down to earth and thats boring smh33.  Have you ever killed a main character?yes, not a pov one though34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?probably any scene that requires a lot of research on a topic i know nothing about, like hacking or sword fighting or whatever35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?bridging scenes suck theyre necessary but they SUCK

The Fun36.  Last sentence you wrote“My plan would go smoother with you involved, but I can find others. Many want his head.”37.  First sentence or your current WIPShe squinted in the harsh light.38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever hadugh this girl who could see deaths coming and she worked for the fbi but she was like 15 so she still had to go to highschool lol39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever hadprobably her, only bc i was 13 when i created her and was reading this banshee series but somehow didnt connect??? and didnt realise she was a banshee?? without the screaming40.  Share some backstory for one of your charactersomg all of my characters have purposefully murky backstories bc i find that trope cool af lol. i guess ary has that typical woe-is-me backstory where her parents were killed, she spiraled and got involved with the wrong people and then was betrayed and arrested lol

The Rest of It41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?literally i swear by: trying anything out. fiddle with pov, tense, perspective, genre, character identity, hell take a story you like and try to put your own spin on it. writing as a craft only gets better with practice and my best work is when im going outside of the box/my comfort zone42.  How do you feel about love triangles?is this even a debate anymore, this trope got flamed so hard i havent seen it in ya in years. i dont really care about it43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?good lol my outlines are usually done on the spot and i come up with more creative plots/scenes if i can think on it a bit44.  How much research do you do?i edit as i go so i research as i go. my pre-drafting research extends to saving links on things i might wanna write about and thats it lol. i would say i dont do as much as i should45.  How much world building do you do?a lot lol i LOVE worldbuilding. but i find it hard to incorporate it into my draft naturally so a lot of minute details get cut 46.  Do you reread your own stories?all the time lol i forget what i wrote half the time47.  Best way to procrastinatetwitter–OR if u wanna seem “productive”, writing blogs are a good way to get distracted48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?bitch there was a time where i only wrote self insert characters lol49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?im too lame to hang out with any of my characters. they would be nice to me but i wouldnt get to know them like how i know them from an author perspective50.  [Other question—ask me anything]u didnt ho