#ive had this idea in my head for so long
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jas-peesauna · 4 months ago
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little s3 nygmobs animatic .. just for practice ^_^
song is sex with a ghost by teddy hyde !
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ar-mage-ddon · 1 year ago
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new game+
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kikker-oma · 1 year ago
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senselessalchemist · 11 months ago
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The Beheaded makes a pitch
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ghouldtime · 1 month ago
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COD TF141 Camp AU
My mind has been stuck on this probably because I was a camp counselor myself at a summer camp. And oh man, what an experience. Cannot get it out of my mind, maybe because I like thinking of them happy in a calmer setting where its much less life and death and just them getting to have a semi peaceful life???
They still use their call signs in this because I know some camps make their counselors pick "camp names" in order to prevent duplicate names, especially if you have a common one. It's to prevent mix ups and is a lot easier for kids to remember. Plus, it's super fun - and carries a small spark of nostalgia for all of them
John Price (Camp Director)
Price is the gruff, rough around the edges camp director that is usually too busy managing the fifty million things that come with an older campgrounds filled with unruly kids/teens
He's one of the few who doesn't use his call sign. He just goes by Captain since that's how they default to him anyways
He's always got a clipboard or walkie talkie in hand, you'll never see him without something occupying his time or his mind alike
These places don't run themselves and he knows all about running a tight ship. He prefers to check things himself and wants to be involved so he knows what's going down
Not to say he doesn't have a sense of humor or is all business, he's great at playing pranks. Sometimes when it comes to new counselors, he'll do things like telling them to go get something for him from the basement. There is no basement, he just thinks it's a good laugh to watch the increasing panic and confusion grow on their faces and times how long it takes them to come back to him for help
He's usually not one to be interacting much with the campers themselves, seeing as he's quite busy elsewhere - and he's been banned from telling campfire stories because his idea of what an entertaining story is is probably closer to something that gives the younger kids nightmares
"It'll toughen them up, they'll hear much worse later in their life" is usually his logic. They'll be exposed to the real world, so might as well give them a taste of what it can bring and with a very cool sorry, thank you very much
As much as the Counselors in Training (CITs) and mainly the younger boys LOVE Price's gritty stories, the others are not so fond of having to explain to the parents why the children suddenly are talking about wanting to take down insurgents just like Captain
He means well and is usually admired, even if he is a bit unpolished at the best of times. As strict and stern as he can be, he's still one there to lend a genuinely listening ear. He's only as tough as he is because he cares, you just have to work around it
If you want to talk to him, you'll mainly catch him out smoking on the back porch of his cabin at night, seeing as he lives there. He knows its a bad habit but it's not one he can easily break and it's a bit of a relaxer after the day he's had
He'll happily let you relax on the porch with him, sitting back in a rocking chair, watching the stars above. It's a nice reminder of the little smaller things in life that he used to miss out on
Simon "Ghost" Riley (Groundskeeper)
Ghost still lives up to his name in the sense that he's barely around during the day, usually being a phantom and a whisper hidden in the shadows
That's mainly because he's not fond of having a lot of attention on him still and kids are a rowdy bunch as is. Throw teenagers into that mix and it's a perfect storm of chaos - one of which he'd rather avoid. He finds it too exhausting mentally and doesn't really have the patience to deal with that day in, day out
Not to mention, there's a lot of area to cover in the camp that he takes care of. He'll usually be out in the woods, maintaining the trails during the day when he knows there's not going to be others in the area
It brings him a sense of peace and purpose, allowing him to work on his own and at his own pace without having to deal with the usual hustle and bustle elsewhere around camp. Usually the tasks are quite repetitive and calming to his mind, he finds solace in nature's solitude
That being said, sometimes you can find him helping out with arts and crafts or in that area on very rare occasions - mainly if it's calmer groups or he has already finished all of his work for the day. He likes working with his hands and creating things instead of destroying all the time, it's better for his psyche
While he usually may work on a project on his own, he does occasionally offer his own advice or show the campers some tips and tricks he's learned along the way.
He's more fond of the older teens who he can show things like sewing and embroidery, which he'll often do in his down time, since they can pick it up and often are much calmer than the younger groups
He'll help them with their techniques and will teach them the basics quite happily. It allows for a far more interesting thing to do than the standard friendship bracelets alone
He has a small collection of little plushies and dolls made by some of the campers donated to him, and has a patchwork quilt of all the embroidered squares he's received
As much as he grumbles and complains about some of the campers, there's no denying the warmth in his eyes as yet another one scampers up to him, showing off a little yellow and black thread bee that they made for him
You're welcome to join him as he creates yet another prop or costume to help scare kids who wander into the woods at night. It's for their own safety, really. There's dangerous animals out there. And it's quite amusing to try to convince them that there's such a thing as the weresquatch (Soap's idea)
He has a grade A sense of humor still, as long as you like dad jokes, and will happily say enough of them until you're regretting joining him in the first place at that point splattered, work out picnic table
Though he doesn't let the campers do this any more, if you want to color his tattoos, you're welcome to - as consolation for having to deal with the campers all day. It's the least he can do, yeah?
Not to mention, it's a built in coloring book with the best lines there are. How can you pass it up? Of course, he secretly loves it too but won't ever say - instead he'll show it in how he rolls up his sleeve and sets the pens down
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick (General Counselor)
He's one of the first faces you'll see at the camp. Smiling, happy, and warm - he's an absolute welcome sight and naturally can put anyone at ease with that smile of his.
He's absolutely adored by all the campers. He's not the most "fun" one, but you bet he's the one who will have your back. No, he's not letting you go all alone to go rock climbing, but he's sure as shit at least forming a group and making it happen.
That's not to say he's a stick in the mud. He just won't let everything slide and won't enable certain things just because - he still has a sense of discipline and would rather not deal with some headaches (nor have Price get onto them about it)
He's still the one up at night telling all the (age appropriate, cough cough) campfire stories, teaching them how to make shadow puppets, and helping wrangle everyone to bed
He's also the one who you'll want to go to to get something done or to have a chance of getting a counselor on your side
I headcannon him as having an older brother and two younger sisters so he's dealt with kids before and knows their dynamics to a T, which means it's his second nature to understand them and to deal with their conflicts with ease
Since everyone comes to him for everything because he's amiable and polite, he knows all the gossip and drama. He naturally has an aura about him which people trust, regardless of if that's the right move or not
All he really has to do is be himself and people will come running with their problems. He's trained a wonderful poker face and fake neutrality over the years of it
Gaz isn't one to start fights or petty drama. He's one to finish them. And because he's in the know, has all sides, he'll be absolutely happy to make his stand - even if it is something like putting a fake snake in another counselors bed and waking up to them screaming in horror first thing next morning
He'll keep a straight face and assures Price he'll handle it, he'll have a talk with them (he's giving the kid who provided said snake extra dessert that night)
No one will EVER suspect a single thing
He's 100% the cause of one of the prank wars that lasted the entire summer. I mean sure, Soap helped, but a lot of it was banking on him and he absolutely sold it
He's a smart lad so he'll always have every excuse at the ready and can play anything off. Join him for it, you won't regret it. He's not getting caught and he'll make sure you won't either
He'll absolutely let you in on secrets and some of the drama that's been happening as you gather up the supplies for the next prank, making sure you're covering all your bases and getting back at those other counselors for screwing up your schedule
John "Soap" MacTavish (Activities Counselor)
Soap may not look the most approachable at first glance. He's quite intimidating. Have you seen those muscles??? The slight broody expression he carries? He usually has a concentrated face when he's working on something that he doesn't realize can seem scary
Not to mention, he doesn't always have the smoothest way of talking or the nicest things to say. His gruffer voice and tone combined with the fact he's more serious than other counselors like Gaz, generally means new campers aren't flocking to him
However, he's an absolute favorite among returning campers who know him
While he's got a serious face and can have the intensity to match, especially when he's focused on something, he's still a LOT of fun to be around
He's an activities counselor for a reason. He's got a lot of energy, a lot of excitement, and plenty of room to motivate others and to get them to WANT to be participating
He doesn't like keeping things the same, predictable routines. He's always one to switch it up and try new things. It keeps things a bit more exciting and keeps it further away from being a boring camp that no one wants to go to
He's incredibly involved in whatever he's doing, whether that be sports of crafts - if they're making friendship bracelets, he's already got a crew working on making the most ridiculous one possible with him as the leader
He's yet another character I head cannon him as having a ridiculously big family - with him being one of the younger, and only having two brothers but five sisters. His house always was a bit of a nightmare but at least he can now braid like a champion
He's used to the chaos and can watch it unfold without batting a single eye. He's really the best one if you need someone to help with the unruly campers. He's intimidating enough to keep them in check, but kind enough to not give the younger ones a heart attack
He's the one who makes up most of the camp rumors and stories. Weresquatch was based on Price being shirtless - don't tell him that though. He'll make things up to keep kids away from the dangerous parts of the woods and to nicely scare them into behaving. Or give them something to focus on and distract themselves
Gaz is helping sell said rumors. He knows when Soap made it and just rolls with it. Oh, you didn't know about the shoe eating leprechaun? Well, do I have some bad news for you kiddo
Whatever you do, don't ask him for "Ghost stories", he'll tell you a story ABOUT ghost, but so vaguely worded it can be interpreted as in a literal ghost story
Some of the best nights are at those campfires, after all of the campers have gone to bed. He'll happily teach you how to make the perfect s'more as you both talk about your days. He may or may not try to rope you into the prank war with Gaz and him against some of the other counselors, but can you blame him?
You'll make the best memories, it'll be worth it. Now.... about what he's deeming mission "earthworm surprise"....
(Good luck to the other counselors, you'll need it)
Part Two
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barfygutcheck · 2 months ago
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sourdough starter snack
/recently found out that live yeast might ferment in the stomach for a while if large quantities of it are eaten. think noises, think expansion. so this fic happened. uhh/
Jackie’s dorm room was quiet, save for the hum of the AC and the rustle of pages turning as she sat in the living room, reviewing her notes. She had a tendency to stay up late cramming. It was just past midnight, and the dim glow of the kitchen light spilled into the living room.
Jackie had been so wrapped up in her studying, she hadn’t noticed the soft sounds of someone moving around in the kitchenette until she heard the faint scraping of a spoon against a bowl. She glanced up from her notebook, frowning slightly. An hour ago, Sawyer had settled on the couch (trying to be considerate of Jackie’s roommate), but it looked like her stomach decided otherwise — a thought Jackie couldn’t help but find stimulating.
It wasn’t unusual for Sawyer to raid the fridge late at night, considering her appetite, but checking on her anyways couldn’t hurt.
Jackie slipped out of bed, quietly padding down the hall. As she approached the kitchen, the sound of the spoon grew clearer. Jackie had a pretty good idea what she was about to find.
“Sully?” she called out, folding her arms over her chest.
“Hmm?” came a muffled response from the kitchen.
When Jackie turned the corner into the kitchen, her suspicion was confirmed. There, standing at the counter with a big mixing bowl clutched in one hand and a spoon halfway to her mouth, was Sawyer. Her eyes were glued to the bowl, completely oblivious to Jackie’s presence.
Jackie’s eyes widened when she saw the unmistakable texture and bubbles of leavening. The bowl wasn’t just any bowl. It was her sourdough starter — weeks of careful fermentation and feeding, gone, or at least half gone, if the looks of it were anything to go by.
“Oh my God, Sully. What are you doing?” Jackie blurted out, rushing forward.
Sawyer looked up, mid-chew, her cheeks full. She swallowed slowly, then grinned sheepishly, as if she hadn’t just committed what Jackie considered to be the culinary equivalent of a felony.
“Uh… hey, babe. Eating cookie dough… duh,” she mumbled through another bite, lifting the spoon and gesturing toward the bowl. “I didn’t know you made some. It’s pretty good, but kind of tangy. Want a bite?”
Jackie’s heart skipped a beat. Her brain stumbled over itself, trying to process what she was seeing as Sawyer scooped up another spoonful into her mouth. Cookie dough?
“That’s not cookie dough, that’s—” she said, her voice pitching higher with every word. She raked a hand through her hair, trying to figure out how to break the news. “That’s sourdough starter, Sully!”
Sawyer froze, spoon hovering halfway to her mouth, and blinked at Jackie. “Uh… what?”
Jackie rubbed a hand over her face, groaning. “It’s sourdough starter. It’s fermented! Not something you just eat… raw!”
Sawyer’s eyes darted to the bowl, then to the spoon, which she’d been licking, then back to Jackie. The confusion was clear on her face, but slowly, ever so slowly, it began to dawn on her that she might’ve seriously messed up.
“Wait…” Sawyer furrowed her brow. “So, it’s… not edible?”
“No! Well, I mean, not like that!” Jackie threw her hands up. “You don’t just eat it! It’s used to make bread rise. It’s filled with live cultures and bacteria—”
Sawyer flinched at the word “bacteria,” her gaze flicking to the bowl in her hands. “It’s alive?”
“Yeah, as in yeast! You’re supposed to let it ferment for days to make bread.” Jackie pressed a hand to her forehead. “How much did you eat?”
Sawyer placed the bowl down on the counter, eyeing the near-empty contents. She hesitated, then shrugged. “I dunno. Like, a lot?”
“A lot? Sully, that’s—” Jackie cut herself off, taking a deep breath. “Sully, that stuff expands when it’s heated up. Who knows how much of that is sitting in — in your stomach right now!”
Sawyer’s eyes shifted down to her stomach, which now seemed even more ominous with the knowledge of what was inside. She gulped, eyes widening. “It expands?”
“Yes. And I’m fairly sure it’s going to make you really sick if you’ve eaten as much as it looks like you have.”
Sawyer’s expression began to falter. A hand instinctively moved to rest on her abdomen, and for the first time that night, she looked genuinely worried. Her belly felt like a rock had dropped inside, pressing against her insides as it expanded.
“Uh… now that you mention it…” she said, her fingers prodding lightly against her belly. “I do feel kinda weird…”
Jackie watched. Typically, this kind of situation would have her blushing; Sawyer had a habit of overindulging and feeling the consequences. But this time, what she’d eaten wasn’t just a bad call — it could really upset her stomach. Jackie wasn’t aroused in the slightest, only concerned. “What kind of weird? Stomachache?”
Sawyer paused, her face scrunching up as she tried to gauge how she was feeling. “It’s not, like, painful. But it’s definitely feeling… off. Like, kinda tight. Heavy.”
As if her belly was starting to rise like dough. Like bread in an oven. Live yeast thrives in warm environments, and the human stomach is warm. Particularly Sawyer’s gut, since Sawyer was like a living, walking furnace, always overheating.
Jackie was already thinking through their options. Nothing in her two years of medical studies equipped her for a girlfriend who had mistaken sourdough starter for cookie dough, and she was unsure of what to do when that sourdough decided to fight back in her girlfriend’s belly. “Okay. Well, your body’s probably trying to process all that yeast. You just ate half a bowl of fermented dough, I mean, we need to keep an eye on this.”
Sawyer stared down at her stomach again, a flash of panic crossing her face. “Oh, crap. I thought it was cookie dough,” she pitifully blurted, as if saying it louder would make it somehow less of an issue.
Jackie shook her head, reaching out to gently push Sawyer into one of the kitchen chairs. “Alright, alright. Just sit down. You’ll wake Willow up.”
Sawyer plopped down into the chair, slowly rubbing circles over the front of her tank top. “I just saw food, and I thought—”
“You just saw food and thought, ‘must eat now,’” Jackie put in playfully.
Sawyer cracked a weak smile. “Yeah, something like that.”
Jackie stood up, fetching a glass of water and placing it in front of Sawyer. Even though Jackie had never seen Sawyer do anything this stupid before, she knew Sawyer had pulled some dumb stunts in the past. Jackie realized that all Sawyer needed was a little patience and attention, and she would bounce back like new. “Drink this. It might help a little.”
Sawyer obediently took the glass and sipped it slowly. She grimaced, glancing down at her stomach. It churned, making thick, sloshy sounds, and she could swear she felt it expand just a little more with each passing second. “Uh, Jackie, I think it’s getting worse.”
At this, Jackie’s eyes snapped to Sawyer’s midsection. She hadn’t noticed it at first, but Sawyer’s usually flat stomach did seem a little bloated, like it was already reacting to the mass of sourdough starter she had so thoughtlessly consumed. The sourdough starter wasn’t exactly the villain here — it was just doing its thing. And it must’ve been having a field day in Sawyer’s stomach, bubbling, fermenting the sugars and starches it could find.
It had taken weeks to build it up, feeding it daily, watching it grow into a thriving colony of yeast and bacteria, preparing it to make bread. And now, more than half of it was gone, sitting inside Sawyer’s stomach instead of turning into a fresh loaf.
“We need to get you to the bathroom,” Jackie said firmly, moving to her side.
Sully gave her a wide-eyed look. “You think I’m gonna be sick or something?”
“We’re not taking any chances.” Jackie grabbed her by the arm, pulling her gently toward the door — no easy feat when Sawyer had both the weight and height advantage at a full head taller.
A deep gurgle came from the depth of Sawyer’s stomach, echoing in the dim-lit hallway. “Oh man… I don’t feel so good…”
“Well,” Jackie muttered, helping her girlfriend out of the kitchen, “you did just eat a half gallon of live bacteria and flour — perhaps more.”
They hurried the rest of the way to the bathroom, where Jackie eased Sawyer down onto the floor beside the toilet.
Sawyer leaned against the cool tile, looking utterly miserable. Her face had lost its color, and her curls, damp with sweat, stuck to her forehead. She groaned softly, rubbing her taut belly. “I can’t believe I’m gonna throw up bread before it’s even bread.”
Jackie snorted despite herself. “That’s one way to look at it.”
“Next time,” Sawyer said, her voice weak, “just label your bowls.” She could feel the heavy, bloated weight pressing against her insides, sluggish, bubbling uncomfortably as if everything inside was expanding and shifting, trying to find a way out.
It was only a matter of time before it all came rushing back up.
Jackie patted her girlfriend’s knee. “I will. But next time, just ask before you go shoveling random stuff into your mouth, dumbass.”
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calamitoustide · 5 months ago
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Lily, oh Lily I just loathe you lately...
microfic - jegulily/regulily - 1.7k
  It started with a kiss. 
One Regulus wasn’t even included in. He wasn’t even there, he didn’t see it, and yet he replays it in his head almost constantly. It’s the first thought he has in the morning, he carries it with him through lunch. White knuckles braced against the table as he stares longing towards the other side of the hall, his ears ringing and he can’t hear anything anyone is trying to say to him. His friends all make comments but he doesn’t notice them. His mind is too loud, thinking of soft skin and eyes that bite. He forgets his notes, it doesn’t matter, they’re not even there. He lays awake at night unable to close his eyes without thinking, thinking, thinking. 
He should be thinking about James. He should be obsessively counting his every step. It’s how this whole thing started. James is everything, he hung the moon, and every single star in the night sky. He walks around the halls calling out to everyone by name, his smile hung wide across his face. And yes, Regulus thinks of him. He thinks of his sweat covered skin as he skips off to the locker rooms after practice. He thinks of him drunkenly coming up to him, leaning close to his ear to whisper nonsense. Even if he can’t understand it Regulus clings onto every single word. He thinks of how he looks in the morning, a sight Regulus has only seen a handful of times and yet he cherishes it like it’s the world. He thinks of his hair all messed up, and his eyes wide and soft like an infant. He thinks of him stretching out his exhaustion and the little moment his shirt lifts up to reveal what’s underneath. He thinks and he thinks and he thinks, but he’s not looking over at him. He’s looking at her. 
The rumors of James Potter and Lily Evans finally working it out spread like wildfire. It’s embers branching out until there wasn’t a single person who didn’t know about it. Their kiss happened in the middle of the Gryffindor common room, apparently no one was there, but there are always sources. Always whispers. Regulus woke up to a burn to his cheek, and a crackling outside of his window. His friends looked over at him, pity drowning in their eyes, but none of them said anything. None of them knew how. It was Pandora who finally brought him over, holding his hands gently as she broke him the news. He can’t remember his reaction. He just remembers the moment his face dropped, but he wasn’t thinking of him, he was thinking about her. 
He never minded Lily Evans before, he barely gave her a second glance. He saw her sometimes in the library, she always sat alone, pushed in the back. Even in the darkest parts of the castle the sunlight always tended to reach her. It covered her and highlighted every freckle on her face. Her eyes were always soft with contemplation, but Regulus didn’t care for her much. He always heard about James’ crush on her, of course he did, but he never cared. He didn’t think it would go anywhere. He thought to himself Lily Evans was as blind as a person can be for rejecting James. He could never understand it. How could she get James to even so much as look at her and not truly understand what that meant. How much other people would die for him to look at them like that. Resentment climbed in his liver, it overwhelmed him. Before it was a scoff at any remark. It was an eye roll at the stupidity of Lily for thinking James would just be there when she realized how daft she was truly being. 
Though the only stupid person truly was Regulus, for James was there waiting for when Lily finally opened her eyes. He was there to chase after her, like the tail-end of a shooting star. James ran circles around her, watching her like she was everything, like she was his entire world. He held open every single door for her. He’d make himself bleed for an ounce of her attention, and she never never cared. She never cared before now, but Regulus has been here. He’s been here and Lily just walked the epitome of angel dust to smile and beckon James over to her like he’s a dog on a leash she’s holding. 
“Regulus,” Pandora’s voice catches him out of his retched mind. 
“What?” Regulus snaps, not taking his eyes off her. Her with her perfect skin. Her with her perfect everything. 
“You’re going to drill a hole in her head, you know,” She comments. 
Regulus finally releases his gaze, “What are you talking about?” 
It’s just the two of them. Barty and Evan ran off somewhere, and Dorcas well she’s always with Marlene now anyway. Pandora looks over at him softly, her eyes filled with pity, “You don’t have to pretend you’re looking at James when it’s just me.” 
Regulus furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head, “I’m not just looking at her.” 
“You’re looking at both of them?” Pandora suggests. 
“Yeah,” Regulus answers, lies dripping from his mouth. 
Pandora smiles, “James walked away five minutes ago.” 
Regulus head whips aside to find her right. It’s only Lily, laughing at something one of her friends are telling her. She throws her head back like she’s a little kid. Coated in innocence in a kind of nostalgia not many people can reach towards. Sunlight nips at her face as her nose crinkles in a laugh. Her beauty endless, it’s like a knife to Regulus’ skin. Every perfection he finds in her is a scar on him. 
“Regulus?” Pandora calls out again, as if she’s talking to a child. “Is there something you need to tell me?” 
“Like what?” Regulus grumbles, looking back down at his plate, trying to fight the pull to look over at her. It’s like he’s under a spell, he’s certain she’s behind it. She wants him to look at her. She wants for all of this. She’s out to get him. He looks up again. She’s still sitting there. Why is she still there? Shouldn’t she be off chasing after James? Shouldn’t she be at his feet beck and call? Shouldn’t she be giving him the world right now? Why is she still just sitting there? 
Pandora hums, “Nothing.” 
Regulus looks over at her, “What’s your problem?” 
“You’re torturing yourself,” Pandora tells him. 
Regulus hesitates, he opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. In any other world this would be torture. He’s staring off at the girl who’s got the one thing he’s been begging for his entire life. He’s never wanted something as much as he’s wanted James. Looking over at Lily should be torture. It should kill him. It is. It’s the sweetest kind of torture. It’s a twisted lullaby. It’s a stinging on his cheek. 
“Unless,” Pandora starts, “You want to be looking at her.” 
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Regulus says quickly. 
Pandora reaches out to grab his hand,  “I’m gonna hold your hand while I tell you this.” 
“Shut the fuck up,” Regulus tries to cut her off but when Pandora gets something in her mind it’s hard to resist it. 
“I did it with James,” Pandora explains quickly. “I’ll do the same now. You’re in love with Lily Evans.” 
“I am not in love with Lily Evans,” Regulus argues. 
Pandora narrows her eyes, “You’re not?” 
“No.” 
“Why are you staring at her?” Pandora asks. 
“She’s with James,” Regulus answers weakly. 
“Why aren’t you watching him then?” Pandora questions. “Do you even know where he is? You used to always know, you used to have his schedule perfect.” 
Regulus shrugs, “I’ve gotten busy.” 
“Right,” Pandora scoffs. “So you wouldn’t mind if I called her over here.” 
“Pan—“ 
Before he can even finish Pandora is raising her hand. Shouting out across the hall, “Hey, Evans!” 
Regulus scrambles for something to hold, to bring Pandora’s hand down and stop her from this, but it doesn’t do any good. Lily’s already looking over, her eyes dazzling in the sun. The rest happens like a dream as she leans over to her friends explaining that she’ll be going. She walks over on clouds and then she’s in front of him. His stomach ties itself together. His mouth opens but nothing comes out. 
“Hey,” Lily says, leaning across the bench to put her hands on the table. Her perfume reaches Regulus’ nose and it’s overwhelming, it’s making him slip back, like he’s in an ocean, drowning in all the waves. 
“Hi,” Pandora replies. 
Both of their gazes go towards him, but Regulus is only looking at her. 
Lily smiles with his silence, he wants to kill her. She looks away and he wants to kill her even more, “You still working on that potion?” 
“You know it,” Pandora tells her. “It’s close to being done now.” 
Regulus doesn’t care what they’re saying. He just watches Lily. He can’t look away. She’s the greatest thing that’s ever existed, and she’s got James Potter wrapped around her finger. Its should be him. 
She doesn’t stay long. Before she leaves she looks back over at Regulus, “Goodbye, Regulus.” 
“Bye,” he forces out, his tongue resting uncomfortably in his mouth. 
She laughs, it’s as soft as fresh daisies and she’s doing him in, “You’re cute,” she says, like it’s nothing, like it’s not eating Regulus whole. “I’ll see you two around.” 
Then she’s gone again. Walking down the hall, her hair blowing behind her like a fucking magazine ad. There can’t be someone that perfect. She’s just a person. She’s nobody. She’s the one James wants. She won his heart over. She’s the one lying beside him. And all Regulus wants is to lie when she lies. Lily Evans is poison and it’s slowly driving Regulus mad. She’s everywhere, like a call of the wind. He’s nothing worshipping at her feet, it makes him uneasy. 
“So,” Pandora breaks the echoing silence. “Not in love.” 
Regulus swallows thickly, his eyes still stuck in the last place she was, even if she’s moved on, “Not in love,” he forces out. 
The ache is endless, and bullets line his skin. A scar for every beauty, for which Lily Evans has infinite. 
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coughloop · 5 months ago
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so funny i convinced myself i didnt have gender dysphoria for such a long time by internalizing a repulsion to every aspect of my physical body so intensely that i assumed absolutely everyone must feel that level of self hatred when they look at themselves in the mirror
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thebirdandhersong · 2 months ago
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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solplease · 2 months ago
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unfortunately the art block is still blocking so here’s a rowan doodle 😭
i added a grand total of one (1!) piece of new info about him under the cut 😔
also ive decided to make rowan half indian or something because… well. i can. 😭 (also i can project onto him, which means he now really likes om shanti om because its my fave movie 😞)
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perilegs · 3 months ago
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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squeakadeeks · 2 years ago
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had a flash of cookierun inspiration...future cosplay, whos to say? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
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aeoris4lovers · 2 years ago
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the blumendrei as the heart, head, and body...
caleb, the heart. the passionate one; the catalyst. when caleb took their lives, it was in a sudden angry blaze; he could hear every last one of their terrified screams. when he finally broke free of trent, it was his heart that broke; to love or be loved ever again, he told himself, was more than he deserved.
astrid, the head. the ambitious one; the future leader. when astrid took their lives, it was cold, distant, calculated; she looked on calmly as the poison took them over. when she finally broke free of trent, it was her mind that broke; she couldn’t think clearly anymore, didn’t want to, wanted to give into the rage and hurt.
eadwulf, the body. the strong one; the good solider. when eadwulf took their lives, it was with his bare hands; he felt their last breaths sputter out from beneath his fingers. when he finally broke free of trent, it was his body that broke; the very moment he let go, he fell to the ground and death began to take him.
in the cruel early days meant to break their spirits, they survived only because they were together, heart and head and body united, one being sustaining itself.
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(the body reaches around the head and the heart, encompassing them, containing them, its most basic instinct to protect them, even in its sleep.)
and when they were finally free again, caleb took eadwulf’s hand (hold tight to the body), pressed astrid’s forehead to his own (awaken the mind), and brought them together once more (and so the heart beats again).
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auto-manic · 1 year ago
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sorry Frea
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trekkiehood · 25 days ago
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#ok ramble time#classic this feels too intimate to share with anyone so everyone gets it#essentially last week there was a suicide on campus#he was not one of my students or in our department#I'm pretty removed from it#ans i really didn't think it affected me#but i guess it has#bc like i thought i was over#✨this✨#Like ok i have had active plans in the past#one of those this is how this is when this is where#just waiting for the final straw#but i clearly never did#and that plan would no longer work due to changes in circumstances and living arrangements etc#which is honestly probably for the best#bc i refuse to make a new one bc i know i do not want to go there#but im just TIRED and ANXIOUS#its not even the depression its the anxiety of living#i stay up until 3-4 in the morning bc i cant stand the idea of going to sleep#and i secretly hope each sleep will be my last#bc im not going to DO anything bc that would not be it#too many ppl care about me (unfortunately)#and then ive stopped eating (again)#and it's like idek if its bc i dont want to or bc i forget#its like i see myself self destructing but cant make myself stop#and I have not done anything physically stupid in quite a long time but ive started biting to stim#and i dont even know im doing it half the time it just helps#and skin picking. which none or this is the same as true s/h but it does scare me to a degree bc i dont mean to i just do it#anyway i don't expect anyone to read all of this i just had to get it out ot my head
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reading-writing-dying · 6 months ago
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What if I wrote fanfiction again for the first time in years? 🤔
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