#ive got a nice lump coming up on my wrist too

[kentixen]

Well... I just almost broke both of my fucking wrists walking to work. Lace came undone and I couldn't be bothered to stop and tie them, stepped on them and fell forward onto the fucking stone and mud. Nice one, Rhi 👍👍 gotta sit in work covered in mud and in pain. Great.

[sirowsky]

The Flowers Always Know

Description: When a mad scientist uses you as an experiment while you’re on holiday, the Heroics only just manage to save you. And in your recovery you become very close to the leader of the group. (Slow burn)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Language, angst, physical injury.

Link to Masterlist

Comment: Reader continues to struggle with her abilities, but with some help, she finally begins to understand them better. Though, no good news without bad ones too...

(Is this GIF yours? Let me know, and I’ll credit you!)

Chapter 21

  The next morning you woke up in a secure room. They didn’t trust you with med-chambers anymore. That was probably about time.   Tuesday. Today was Tuesday. You sighed as you wondered just how long it would take before you’d inevitably mess up the days again.   You already missed waking up to Amaire’s brisk and energetic ‘Good morning, champ’. They were so good at using just the right level of enthusiasm to give you a boost, without stepping over into overly energetic, or annoyingly chipper.   Here, there were no lovable nurses, no doctors checking on you every hour, just sensors in the walls that continuously scanned you for changes in energy-levels.   Unfortunately, though, the science division had been kept up to date on your move, and within five minutes of you waking up, the door opened and another fucking piece of cardboard was shoved in your face.

  “Seriously? Do you people even sleep? It’s not even 6am yet…”

  “We sleep in shifts, miss. This is important, we want to get you that assessment as soon as possible.”

  Oh, great, now you felt bad for being snarky, on top of your usual less than stellar morning mood.

  “How thoughtful of you. And what about making this shit actually edible? Any idea how soon that might become a priority?”

  “Uh… sorry, miss. It’s a process.”

  “Really? I hadn’t noticed. Does the recipe actually change at all? Because it still tastes like something between paper and dirt, no matter how many times I eat it.”

  “It does, but they actually remove as much flavour as they can, since it’s so full of synthetic materials.”

  You raised your eyebrows at him before swallowing the synthetic piece of crap.

  “Sorry I fucking asked.”

  He squirmed a little where he stood, clearly uncomfortable with your language. But you were pretty sure he’d actually been waiting outside the door for you to wake up, and then not even had the decency to wait until you’d been to the bathroom before barging in. So, you didn’t really give a fuck about his feelings right then.

  “What?”

  “Sorry, I just have to ask if you feel any sense of fullness?”

  “I’ve barely swallowed it…”

  “I know, it’s just that the effect should be pretty instantaneous.”

  “Well, then – it isn’t. Can I go and do my morning bathroom now, or do you have another annoying and useless point?”

  He all but ran from the room and you felt a tiny little bit bad for him. But they really should know better than to bother you first thing in the morning, by now. Especially with nervous tweens.

  You missed the relative warmth of the med-chambers. These rooms were literally just empty squares of powers-proof materials, or, as close to it as you could get. There wasn’t actually any material that was 100% proof against powers, but some metals combined with force-fields could withstand incredible amounts of supernatural forces.   There was a simple bed, and two chairs and a table, all of it made with the same power-resistant metal. That was it.   And while you did see the wisdom of keeping you in there, it also felt more like a prison than anything else, and it made you anxious. Especially since Marcus was still on single supervised visits.   He’d been verbally reprimanded for taking you to the in-house restaurant, and sitting you down among dozens of other guests yesterday, but in these circumstances that was like getting a slap on the wrist. You hadn’t really been in any state to be able to harm anyone, since he practically had to carry you there. And he’d made the judgement call that getting nutrition into you was more important than keeping you isolated, at that particular moment.   He’d sat with you while you’d gone through the equivalent of about six dinners, continually refilling your plate as you emptied it, until you’d finally had enough, and damned near fallen asleep over your plate.   You didn’t expect him to visit until school was out for the day, so you prepared yourself for a long and dull morning, probably accompanied by nothing but the fucking science division.   Oh, joy.

  It was just before lunch that the door opened for the fourth time that morning. You were just completing your eight set of push-ups, burpees and hand-stands, and you were in no mood for more synthetic foods. Today was the kind of day where your morning mood just lingered, and became your overall mood.   You were pushing yourself physically in an effort to keep yourself calm and balanced, despite the boredom and interjecting annoyances, but it wasn’t quite working.

  “Did some idiot give you coffee?”

  You actually warmed at the sound of Anita’s sharp voice behind you, and you let your legs fall down from your last hand-stand and stood up to see her magnificent scowl.

  “I wouldn’t put it past them.”

  “Well, sit down before you pass out.”

  “I’d rather stand. I have a little too much energy at the moment.”

  “Suit yourself.”

  “I generally do. So, what brings you to my dungeon on this unremarkable Tuesday?”

  “Just checking on you for Marcus. He’s a bit worried after yesterday.”

  “Yeah… that wasn’t a very good day, either. I don’t seem to have a lot of those lately.”

  “Mm. It’ll get better. All supers struggle after discovering their powers, it’s just that, usually, they’re kids or teenagers which means they don’t have the grown-up problems to worry about too. You’re juggling a lot, loco. Give yourself a break.”

  “Wow. Marcus must be really worried if you’re actually being nice to me.”

  “I’m always nice to you.”

  You looked at her with a mockingly shocked expression.

  “Incredible. You’re lucky I kinda love you.”

  She squirmed and got up to leave, and you couldn’t help but grin widely behind her back.

  “You’re welcome, by the way.”

  “For what? The privilege of your visit?”

  “No, niña. For the smile on your face right now.”

  She didn’t even look back as she said it, somehow still knowing the smile was there. It lingered on your face for a good few minutes after she left.

  You gave up on trying to exercise your stress away, after your arms gave out and you fell on your face, during your fifteenth set of hand-stands.   You did have an actual bathroom, with a shower. But it was an adjoining room that could be detached from the actual cell, if anyone feared you might try to use the toilet as a battering-ram for some reason.   You took a long and soothing shower, letting the soap wash away the sweat and grime, but also some of the nervousness that seemed to live in your skin. You took some time to take care of your nails and put on creams and blow-dry your hair.   You hadn’t taken the time to really groom yourself in weeks, and it somehow made you feel better. Less chaotic and messy.   When you stepped out of the bathroom, the errand-boy from science was back, and whatever good mood you’d managed to accumulate, evaporated in an instant.

  “Oh, for the love of fucking Hades, will you just leave me alone, already!”

  A puff of energy escaped you, and it was enough to fling the scrawny little boy across the room and into the wall, head-first.   All the anger inside you morphed into a lump of ice in your heart, as you watched him collapse into a pile on the floor.   You ran over to him and picked him up into your arms, holding him tightly as you pushed your energy around him, and felt that thing leave you. That thing that wanted to make it right, to make him whole again, and in the next moment; he was.   You felt him twitch back to life, and your own energy drain, but you kept holding him.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to, I swear, I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry.”

  “Uh… it’s okay, miss. I’m fine.”

  You let him go just enough that you could grab his face and look into his eyes to make sure.

  “Nothing hurts? Nothing feels bad, or weird?”

  “I feel… great. My shoulder’s been killing me after a baseball accident last week, but it’s all better now. How’d you do that?”

  Suddenly terrified of how easily and effortlessly, you’d hurt this boy, for no reason, you crawled away from him.

  “Go. Get out of here. Don’t come back, don’t let anyone come back in. Stay away from me.”

  You crawled all the way to the opposite wall, before the fatigue overpowered you, and you passed out.

  When you came to, you’d been moved.   You were on a hard bed of some sort, in what looked like a lab, and there was an elliptic-shaped, transparent dome covering most of your torso, as well as two thin tubes leading into each one of your arms, and another two into each leg. IV-tubes. And the banana-bags they were attached to where in the gallons- not ounces -category.

  “What… what are you doing? It’s not safe… you have to put me back, it’s not safe…”

  “Calm down, miss. Everything’s fine, these instruments have been calibrated to absorb your energy, you can’t hurt us here.”

  Her voice was soothing, comfortable without feeling forced.

  “My name is Doctor Emily Kane, and you’re in the Research division right now. We’ve decided to go ahead and do your assessment. For the moment, it seems more urgent to understand your abilities, than keeping your energy up. That said, we’re not going to push you until you’re completely drained, don’t worry. We’ve taken as much precaution as we can.”

  “I… I think I killed that boy…”

  “And then you saved him. It was an accident, and I understand that it frightens you, but the key to controlling your powers in the future, is precisely by not being afraid of them. And the best way to reach that point, is to understand as much about them as you can.”

  She met your eyes and held your gaze until you nodded.

  “Okay. Then let’s get started. This machine on top of you is going to absorb and measure and categorise your energy, so I want you to try and activate your power right now.”

  You took a few deep breaths, and tried to push your energy out, but it wouldn’t come. Your fear had locked it down, and you wanted it to stay down. Forever.   After twenty minutes of failed attempts, no matter how much the good doctor tried to either soothe your worries, or antagonise you, she finally had to admit defeat and was forced to change tactics.

  “Okay, this isn’t gonna work. Bring him in.”

  The door opened and Marcus stepped in, and came towards you, and every piece of equipment in there that was attached to you, started beeping and moving.

  “Marcus… you shouldn’t be here.”

  “It’s okay, sweetheart. You won’t hurt me.”

  “I don’t know that.”

  “But I do.”

  He kissed you, really kissed you, and the machines went crazy as you heated up for him. You wanted to touch him so badly, but your arms were trapped by the elliptic dome on top of you. Your ghost hands found him, curling into his hair and holding him to you, and all the while the room got louder and louder.   The frustration of not being able to feel his skin against your body, eventually made you angry. Angry enough that your energy flared, and the dome really did absorb it.   Somehow, that was a big enough surprise to you to break through your lust, and make you pull away from Marcus to stare at the dome while you shot another burst of energy through it.   It just disappeared from you as the machine sucked it up, and for reasons you couldn’t understand; it all seemed like a challenge to you. Like it was baiting you to try harder.

  Challenge accepted, Data.

  In your periphery, you saw Marcus back away, as you held back and gathered your energy under your skin. You had broken an entire med-chamber by filling the room with an invisible density, you’d certainly be able to break one little machine.   When the energy was so thick under your skin that you feared you might burst from the pressure, you released it. The whole room shook, but only for a moment, and then the dome had swallowed it all up.

  “Amazing…”

  Dr. Kane’s voice broke into your concentration, and you forgot your challenge.

  “I’ve never seen this type of energy before. It seems to exist in several dimensions simultaneously. Fascinating.”

  “Dimensions? Wait, it really is ghost energy?”

  She chuckled slightly at that.

  “I guess you could call it that.”

  “So, what does that mean?”

  “Well, we’ll have to perform more tests, obviously. But, basically, it means that you have the ability to tap into one or more alternate dimensions, and draw energy from them, into this one, using your own body as a conduit. It also means that there’s theoretically no limit to how much power you could wield, with the exception that acting as a conduit is seriously draining on your own body. So, let me be clear: your power absolutely can kill you.”

  You took a minute to absorb that, not that you actually could yet, and you felt, more than saw, Marcus shift nervously at your side.

  “And the healing?”

  “That one I can’t answer with any definity until we’ve had a chance to observe it through these instruments.”

  “But… your best guess?”

  “My best guess would be that that power actually comes from you, not some other dimension. It seems to be a clean transference, your energy and life-force is transferred to the injured person, instantly weakening yourself, much more than acting as a conduit does – but also instantly healing the recipient. It’s interesting that you’d develop these two powers specifically, though. It seems to indicate that you have a naturally self-sacrificial tendency.”

  Marcus flinched.

  “Self-sacrificial?”

  “Yes. A willingness and capability to take on difficult or even impossible tasks and burdens in order to protect others, regardless of personal pain or even the possibility of death.”

  That was a little too true for comfort.

  “And… while we’re on the subject of things that are less than fun to talk about, I feel obligated to inform you about something we’ve discovered about healing abilities in general.”

  “Okay.”

  There was something in her tone that made you feel like running out of the room.

  “We don’t know why, exactly, but it seems that women with healing abilities of any kind have an increased difficulty in conceiving children. We think that it might have to do with the fact that women bleed during their cycles and that their abilities instinctively try to prevent it, thereby messing with the natural order of the female body.”

  “But… I can’t heal myself.”

  “It doesn’t seem to matter. Have your cycles been regular?”

  “…No… not since the experiment. I figured it was because of the coma, since nothing at all worked during the time I was under, and for a while afterwards.”

  “Irregularity is one of the tell-tale signs, I’m afraid. But, listen, this is not an exact science. Couples that have been medically declared infertile or sterile have managed to get pregnant anyway. Nature’s amazing, and there’s so much we still don’t know about supers. So, if this is something you want, don’t let the science get in your way.”

  You had no idea what you wanted, only that you were suddenly glad that you’d at least started this conversation with Marcus a while back. It felt like it would’ve been a more difficult subject to broach now, if you hadn’t.   But this wasn’t the time to have it. There were more tests that needed to be done, and for the first time, you really wanted to know what more the science actually could tell you.

  You glanced at Marcus, hoping not see him crushed by the news, and were relieved to find him looking calmly determined.   You’d talk about it later.

Authors’ Note: I love criticism, don’t be shy to let me know if there’s anything you like/don’t like/have questions about.

@blueeyesatnight​ @farfromjustordinary​ @allmyspideys​ @hrk-fic-recs​ @strawberryperegrine @lucrezia-thoughts​ @computeringturtle

[stanbillyhargrove]

Demons pt 22

Billy Hargrove x Reader (Cat)

T/W: Self Harm (Cat), Abuse, Eating Disorder   Cat has a lot of issues

BIG WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT, DRUGS, SUICIDE

This will be a multi chapter series with fluff, smut, angst, all the things

Billy's POV

Steve didn't bring up Neil again, or at least he didn't force the conversation but I noticed him eyeing me whenever we were around each other. Checking for new marks. When I did have new bruises, Steve would give me a knowing look and join me for a smoke. Sometimes we would just sit in silence, sometimes we talked about Cat, sometimes I'd vent about Neil, about wanting to get the fuck out of Hawkins. It was kind of nice, having another person in my corner.

Cat lasted a few more weeks with Steve and I trying our hardest to never leave her alone. She tried as best as she could to put on a happy front and pretend everything was okay. Max hung around her a lot, keeping that little spark of hope alive. We tried splitting up the nights with her so only one of us would be with Cat every night in hope that the other would be able to relax but both Steve and I had been restless on our nights off so we both ended up spending every night at Cat's. The three of us would pass out sprawled against one another on the couch or Steve would take the couch while Cat and I slept in her room. There were a few times where Steve would drift off behind Cat, holding her so gently, and I would have to leave. I'd go outside to smoke and push down the spark of jealousy in my chest that set me on edge. But I found myself thinking of Steve almost like a brother-a brother brought to me by shared trauma but still a brother-and I knew he loved Cat. Differently than I love her but still, I had to let them have that, let her have all the good in her life that she could.

We drove her to and from school and spent every possible second with her. But it had been exhausting, draining and we were starting to feel run down. Steve had been having a hard time staying awake during class, during basketball practice he had no energy and had been benched the past few days. I knew I was hitting that point of exhaustion too, my brain felt foggy and I was having a hard time focusing on anything.

So on a Friday, when she told us she was okay if we went home for a while we didn't think to fight it.

"You need some sleep, you're exhausted. I'll be okay," she assured.

We knew better, knew that she hadn't been getting better but we were so tired. Tired of not being able to sleep cause we were afraid Cat wouldn't make it to morning, tired of the stress and the pain. So we nodded and agreed to come over later.

"Just need a quick nap," I yawned.

Cat smiled at me and patted my cheek, "of course, B."

Cat gave Steve a quick smile, "love you, Stevie," and squeezed his shoulder before getting in the front seat of the Camaro.

I dropped her off at her house and squeezed her hand, "I can stay, if you need. Your mom's not here, you'll be alone."

Cat smiled, squeezed my hand lightly, "get some sleep, I'm just going to study. Love you, B."

Exhausted, I drove home and fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed.

I didn't wake up until Max came and gently shook me, "Billy. Dinner is almost ready, Neil's gunna be home soon."

I jolted up, cursing and followed Max into the kitchen to wait. My leg shook with nervous energy throughout the entire dinner.

I didn't get a chance to call anyone until a while after dinner, when I did finally I called Cat's house first, praying that Steve would answer the phone. He didn't. Nobody did, it just kept ringing and ringing. Panic settled like a hot coal in my gut as I tried calling Steve's house.

"Ello?" He groaned into the phone.

"Harrington! Why are you at home?" I growled.

"Sleeping," Steve mumbled, "why are you home?"

"Fuck, Steve. Has she been alone this whole time? Nobody's answering her phone!"

"Yeah?" Steve finally woke up, and panicked, "oh fuck. I'll leave now."

"Meet you there," I huffed, slamming the phone down.

When I pulled up to the house, Steve was already there and was scrambling to get out of his car. We hurried up to the door and let ourselves into the dark, quiet house.

My heart was threatening to pound out of my chest and Steve was forcing himself to take extra long breaths, like he was fighting off the panic, as we walked in.

"Cat?" I called, my voice ringing through the house.

When there was no answer we went to check in her room, but there was only an empty bed. Steve was panicking, shaking like a fucking leaf and cursing under his breath. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and pushed forward to the bathroom. I nudged the door open slowly with one hand and felt my knees give out when I looked inside. Cause while Steve had dealt with this before, had lived through this before, I wasn't prepared for this. Suddenly I was thrown into a memory of the first time Neil gave me a bloody nose when I was young and I couldn't stop staring at the blood running down my face. While I sunk to the ground, Steve leaped over me, a string of curses spilling from his lips.

"Fuck, fucking call someone! Jesus," Steve ordered, hands shaking as he whipped around to grab towels.

I didn't hear him, couldn't hear him past the sound of my own blood rushing in my ears. I felt like my lungs had filled with cement and I couldn't gulp in enough air to fill them anymore.

Steve looked at me and scrambled over to grab at my arms, "jesus, Hargrove. Fucking, get over here," he pulled me across the floor and wrapped my hands around Cat's arms, "squeeze tight. Don't let go."

"But...you..last time.."

"This is worse, we need help. Don't let go."

My jaw worked with words that wouldn't find their way past my tongue as Steve released me to run out of the room.

Worse? I couldn't imagine how there could be a better or worse to this.

"Hello? I need an ambulance," Steve's panicked voice echoed through the house, "my friend, she slit her wrists..."

I stopped listening, my only focus the metallic tang that hung thick in the air, coating the inside of my nose until I felt nauseous and the damp spot growing in the knees of my jeans.

"Cat?" I croaked, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Baby. Please, please come back, just look at me, okay? Please? Just open your eyes, Baby," I begged, trying to keep an iron grip on her arms but wanting so desperately to shake her until she woke up.

Steve came hurrying back into the bathroom, a red mark smeared across his cheek where he'd wiped at his face, "they'll be here soon."

He crowded beside me and grabbed at Cat's face, leaving a matching smear, "hey, come on. Wake up, we're here. We got you, okay? You gotta stay with us."

She didn't move when Steve shook her, and she was so pale. It crossed my mind that maybe we were too late.

My eyes burned as tears spilled down my cheeks, my arms shook and my knuckles were turning stark white against the towels.

"Steve," I choked, "I.. I don't, what...why..?"

Steve chewed his lip, worried at it so much I thought he'd break skin, "fuck. I don't know, I don't know what to do. We just gotta try to keep her from bleeding out until the ambulance gets here," he tried to shake her again and got no response, "mother fucker! Come on, asshole! Open your fucking eyes!"

My jaw ticked as anger spiked in my chest, "maybe don't swear at her, prick!"

Steve whipped his head around to glare at me through dewy eyes, "really? You think me swearing is going to make this any worse?"

"I don't know, Steve! Is it going to make it any fucking better?" I spat.

Steve opened his mouth to start yelling at me when he heard sirens coming closer and instead stood up with a huff, "stay here."

"The fuck else do you think I'm gunna go?" I growled under my breath as he left.

"Please," I pleaded, barely keeping myself from sobbing, "please, Cat. You can't..you can't fucking leave me like this. You just need to hold on, okay? Just stay with me, please."

I didn't have to wait long before Steve hurried back with a couple paramedics holding a stretcher. They crowded into the bathroom, one man gently moving me out of the way to grab at Cat, fingers moving everywhere to test for a pulse and lift her eyelids.

Steve and I could only hear snippets of what they were saying to each other.

"Unconcious...non responsive....we're gonna need an IV...I've got a heartbeat, barely."

They moved to lift her onto the stretcher and hurried back out to the ambulance with Steve and I following behind.

I went to climb into the ambulance and was stopped by a hand on my arm and a stern but soothing man's voice, "I'm sorry, immediate family only in the ambulance. You guys will have to follow us, call her parents if you can."

I looked at the man's stupid freckled face, his stupid kind eyes and had to stop myself from tackling the man to the ground.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Do you see parents? We're all she has! We have to go with her! I need to know she's okay!" I shouted.

"Sir! You need to calm down," the man replied sternly, "can't let you in. Rules."

Steve grabbed my bicep and pulled gently, "Billy, let them go. They need to go," he urged.

I tensed, my face going stoney and backed away from the ambulance doors as Steve pulled at me with a shaking hand.

Steve was shaking violently as the ambulance drove away, sirens blaring. He never let go of my arm, he held tight like he thought I might bolt or he might collapse if he were to let go.

When the ambulance was out of sight, I turned and pulled my keys out of my pocket, "let's go."

Steve shook his head, "no, I need to, we gotta..we can't leave that mess."

I glared at him, I didn't want to have to face that again, but followed Steve inside anyway. I followed Steve back to the bathroom where he dutifully handed me a couple towels and started filling the tub with hot water. We started wiping up the blood silently, neither of us ready to break the silence as we turned the bath water red from rinsing out the towels. It was eery, seeing the outline of where Cat had been slumped on the floor, clean and empty against the pool of dark red. I stuck my hand in the middle of the clean spot and felt my chin begin to waver. It was too much, seeing the blood pooled on the floor and sprayed up onto the cabinet, the smeared handprint on the edge of the tub next to shining metal.

"Harrington," I choked out.

He looked up at me with big, glassy eyes, there was a steady stream running down his cheeks that he hadn't bothered to wipe away. With a huff I threw down the towel I had been cleaning with and stalked out of the house into the front yard. I fumbled to pull a cigarette out of my jacket and light it, my hands shaking and leaving red prints everywhere. Steve didn't follow me, I was by myself with the weight of the world on my chest.

What am I gunna do if she...?

If she's gone...forever?

I smoked through my last three cigarettes quickly, relishing in the acrid burn of my lungs until I went to grab another and found my pack empty. I screamed out a curse and threw the empty carton across the lawn and collapsed to the ground, holding my head in my hands and sobbing violently.

I should've fucking been here, she shouldn't have been alone. Being tired isn't that bad.

But I wasn't here, nobody was. And Cat was alone.

I sat there, wallowing in my anger and despair until my chest stopped heaving and my breath started to come normally again.

Briefly, I wondered if she left a note, something explaining why I wasn't enough. I set my jaw, wiped at my cheeks and slowly got back to my feet to go back inside. I could hear Steve's heart wrenching sobs as soon as I walked inside and followed them to find him curled up on the floor in Cat's room, his head buried in his bloody knees. I gently knelt down next to him, twisting my fingers together in my lap.

"Don't got any cigarettes to offer you," I muttered, my voice scratchy and rough.

Steve sniffed and took a shuddering breath, "she didn't leave anything, no explanation. I tried so fucking hard."

"I know," I placed a hand on his back gently, "I know you did. We did all we could, Steve."

"We should go.." he whispered.

"Yeah, okay," I agreed, standing back up and extending a hand to him.

He puffed out another long breath before taking my hand to pull himself off the floor. Before I could think, Steve had collapsed into my shoulder, his arms gripping at my back in a crushing embrace as he choked out another sob.

"I should have been here, we shouldn't have left her alone. This is my fucking fault," he cried.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders firmly and grit my teeth before trying to talk past the knot in my throat, "Steve. Come on, it's not your fault."

@elsie2018 @savagesuccubus @breadnbutternips @speedmetalqueen @florenceivy @charmed-asylum

[mandowh0re]

Devil’s Advocate

Chapter 1

Summary: After a violent breakup with her now ex-boyfriend, Liza is ready to give up on relationships. In an attempt for safety, she moves to a city across the country. That’s where she finds herself now. In her new apartment, staring into the eyes of the devil, who claims to be in love with her. Also, since when is the devil a woman?

Word Count: 2186

A/N: Wassup my lovely fucks! I am in quarantine and have decided to show myself once again! This is a story that is NOT marvel related but I’m working on stories outside of fanfiction to practice writing my own characters. This will be an 18+ story. I really like this one so far, so even if you followed me for marvel content, please give it a try?

P.S. I am not a doctor so this will be filled with medical inaccuracies, sorry.

Warnings: domestic abuse, descriptions of injury, scene with a violent fight (I will warn when the scene starts and ends)

Happy reading!

“... Twenty-four year old female… multiple….”

“... C.T. is ready…”

“... We need to…”

“... Liza? We need you to…”

(!!!)

“Where are you going?”

Liza nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Luke’s voice. He was supposed to be at work for another three hours, and she needed all the time she could to pack her things. 

Slowly, Liza turned around to see Luke standing in the entryway of the living room. He looked mad. He always looked mad. 

“Hey honey, you’re home early.” Liza replied, not answering his question and fighting to keep her voice even. If she showed fear this would be even worse. 

“You weren’t answering my calls.”

Shit. 

“I’m sorry, I was cleaning and I guess I didn’t hear my phone-“

“You’re lying. Don’t lie to me. Where are you going?”

Liza’s eyes flickered from Luke to the nearest exit. She knew in her bones this wasn’t going to end well for her. 

The closest exit was past Luke, but there were multiple objects she could use as a weapon. The wine bottle at the bar seemed the best. 

“I was headed to Jess’. She’s really sick and needs someone over there-“

“You see,” Luke interrupted as he stepped closer, his hands in his pockets and his eyes trained on Liza, “I gave you a chance to tell me the truth, and I warned you not to lie to me. I stopped by the hospital, Jess was there. Said you felt sick so you stayed home today.”

Liza could feel her heart in her throat. She couldn’t very well argue with him. Jess, bless her, had tried to cover for her. Because the reality of it was that she had quit. She had planned on leaving an hour before Luke got home. She needed to leave him or he would quite literally be the death of her. 

In a last minute attempt to save herself, Liza bolted towards the bar, but was stopped short when Luke grabbed her wrist. 

He spun her back to face him, and punched her square in the face. 

“You thought you could leave me? After everything we’ve been through?” Luke asked, as he backhanded Liza and threw her against the wall, “I did everything for you. I was so good to you. I loved you! And this is how you repay me?”

Another punch, this time to her stomach. Then another. And another. 

Liza coughed, and blood dripped from her mouth. She knew the only way she would get out of this alive was if she called for help now. 

Luke was currently going on a rant, so while he was distracted she quickly tumbled towards the couch and grabbed her phone from her bag. She unlocked it, found the app that Jess had made her download weeks ago, and pressed the panic button multiple times before a wad of her hair was grabbed and she was tossed across the room. 

“You fucking bitch! You listen when I talk to you! Are you leaving me for another guy? Huh? Is that it you slut!” He added emphasis on ‘slut’ as he reared his foot back and kicked her ribs, “I bet it’s that fucker, Dennis? The one at the coffee shop you like so much?” Another kick to the ribs, “I’ll fucking kill him!”

Luke dropped down on top of Liza, grabbed her hair and slammed her head into the floor several times before adding another punch to the face. 

Liza was wheezing and coughing, trying to keep awake and from choking on her own blood. Tears stung her eyes and she felt herself slipping. She faintly heard the sound of sirens, but they were too late. She saw the metal glint in Luke’s hands. 

She was dead. 

Luke leaned down so that his face was right next to her head. 

“I’ll kill him,” he whispered, “Right after I kill you.”

At first there was pain, and then, there was nothing. 

***(!!!)

Sounds. Sounds came back first. 

The first thing she heard was beeping. Then as she began to come out of her sleep she could make out the faint sounds of voices. 

Next was smell. 

Wherever she was, it smelled clean. And oddly familiar.

Suddenly, like a train, all of her senses crashed into her at once as she realized where she was and why she was there. 

Her eyes flew open, as much as they could, and then there was a loud alarm next to her. 

She knew that alarm. She needed to get her heart rate down. 

But it didn’t matter. Because Luke could come find her at any time and she had to hide.

She threw the blankets off of her and went to stand, but fell to the ground, bringing her IV drip with her. 

Several nurses suddenly burst in the door, as well as a security officer. 

“Ma’am, you need to stay in bed,” One nurse tried telling her as the other nurses tried to get her back on her bed. 

“No, he’s going to find me!” Liza shrieked, fighting against the nurses, throwing weak punches where she could. She vaguely registered someone yelling out for a sedative.

“No! No you can’t do that! He’ll find me and he’ll finish what he started and-“

“Liza,” 

That voice. She knew that voice. She opened her eyes, which she hadn’t realized were closed, and saw a blurry image of her friend in front of her.

When had she started crying?

“Jess?”

“Hey girlie. I need you to calm down okay?”

Liza’s chest heaved as she forced in a breath. Jess was here. Jess always kept her safe. 

“But… But Luke-“

“Is in jail.” Jess said with a certain finality to her voice, “The police found him when they got to your house. At first they thought…” Jess swallowed the lump in her throat and Liza was vaguely aware of the other nurses inserting new IVs. 

“But they rushed you into the ER. They paged me saying there was a critical Jane Doe. But I knew, I knew it was you. When I saw you I- It took everything in me not to go and kill him myself.”

“So… He’s... gone?” Liza asked, her voice shaking. 

Jess nodded, “Yeah. He isn’t going to hurt you again. So could you please lay your stubborn ass down so I’m not constantly on the verge of a heart attack, please?”

Liza smiled, or tried to, it probably looked like a grimace. She laid back down with the help of the other nurses. 

Now that she was up and the IV had unhooked for a few minutes, her brain fog had cleared enough to let her understand the situation. 

“How bad?” She asked. 

Jess placed a hand on the shoulder of another nurse, who Liza recognized as Rhonda. She was always nice to her. She always looked out for Liza.

“I’ve got this,” Jess spoke quietly. Rhonda nodded and finished the IV she was placing before leaving the two friends alone.

It was quiet for a moment before Liza asked again, “Jess?”

“You won’t remember anything I tell you right now. They’ve got you on some pretty strong stuff. Go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up and I’ll tell you.”

She wanted to fight, but Liza felt the medication pulling her under and she just didn’t have the energy. So she let the darkness wrap around her once again.

***

Jess was sitting in a chair next to her bed. Liza was finally moved out of the ICU and demanded that her friend tell her what all Luke had done.

“... Contusions everywhere. Ruptured spleen. And a stab wound to the abdomen that pierced multiple organs,” Jess sniffled and wiped a tear off her cheek, “They lost you twice in the first surgery. They wouldn’t let me in the room, said I was too close to the case. Honestly, everyone was shocked you made it out alive.

“You were in critical care for the first several days. On a ventilator for the first four. God, when you started breathing on your own I actually threw up, you know. I was so nervous.”

It was silent for a few minutes, Liza soaking up all of the information she had just been given. 

“How long was I out?” She asked. 

“Almost a week and a half. After you woke up the first time they put you into a coma so it wouldn’t happen again.”

It was quiet between the two for several minutes before Jess sniffed and swiped at her tears again, “You need to rest.”

Liza nodded and leaned back onto the bed once more, and attempted another smile when Jess squeezed her hand before leaving the room. 

***

“So I was thinking we could find you a new apartment, one of the fancy ones with extra security. Then when you’re feeling better you could come back to work-“

“I’m still leaving.” Liza cut off Jess’ thoughts, “I mean, I don’t want to. But I also do. I don’t feel safe here. I want to restart. Somewhere where nobody knows me.” Liza was poking at her food with her fork. Suddenly, she had no appetite. 

“Oh, okay. Yeah. I get that. I just, I guess I thought it would be easier… But you’re right,”

“Jess, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no need to be sorry,” Jess sniffled and gave a watery smile, “You need to do what’s best for you. I’m just going to miss my best friend, is all.”

“I know. I’m gonna miss you too. But you’re gonna come out to visit me as soon as possible, right?” 

“Duh,” Jess gently pushed Liza’s shoulder and the two of them giggled, “Jack and I are coming out as soon as I have enough vacation saved up.”

A pang of guilt hit Liza. Jess had used up most of her vacation time while Liza was in the hospital, a majority used after she had woken up the first time. 

A feat that the doctors couldn’t figure out how it had happened, she learned, since she hadn't been weaned off the sedatives yet. 

Liza barely remembered that. Jess had to tell her what had happened. Though she supposed it was a good thing she didn’t remember most of that incident. Apparently she had nearly gone berserk. 

“Hey,” Jess’ voice stirred Liza from her train of thought, “You okay?”

Liza cleared her throat, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

“Yeah, of course. You should rest. I’ll come see you later.” Jess got up and pulled the small table Liza had been eating on to the side of the bed and pulled the blankets up to cover her. 

Grabbing the food tray, Jess snuck out of the room and headed to the nursing station, dropping the food tray on the cart as she passed. 

“Hey, she sleeping?” Lynne, one of Liza’s nurses, asked. 

“I don’t know if she’s sleeping. But she’s resting.” Jess said as she slid into one of the empty chairs. 

“That’s better than nothing,” Lynne looked back up from her paperwork, “Why do you look constipated?”

Jess shot a look at her friend before pinching the bridge of her nose, “She still wants to move. And I get it, I do, but I can’t keep her safe if she’s all the way across the country!” 

Lynne sighed, “Jess. Honey, she was half way across town and was very nearly killed. I know you feel responsible. But you were doing everything you could. From what she told us, you were helping her get out,”

“I should have given her a way to defend herself.”

“You can’t dwell on the past. Not anymore. Because that’s all she’s going to do, and you need to be strong for her. You need to be that beacon of hope, even if you’re clear across the country.”

“How do I keep her from finding someone like him again?” Jess didn’t dare speak his name. It was like poison. And she didn’t want it on her tongue, “Because, Lynne, if someone lays a hand on her one more time, I might actually go to jail. No, scratch that. I definitely will go to jail. I would have that night if Doctor Tiruneh didn’t physically pull me into a supply closet and refuse to let me leave until I calmed down.”

Lynne blew out some air, running a hand down her face, “You can’t guarantee she won’t find someone like him again. In fact, it’s entirely possible she will. Some people end up in a cycle they can’t break, some people can break it after one relationship gone bad. Hopefully, this was enough for her to break that cycle. All you can do is be there for her and try to guide her.”

“I should have called the cops when I saw the bruises the first time,”

“That wasn’t your call to make,”

“Yeah, well, look where it got us.”

“She’s alive. That’s all that matters,”

Jess sat there for a few more minutes before she stood abruptly and headed out. She needed fresh air to think.

------

Permanent Tag List:  @a-place-to-blog-marvel-stuff​ @yes-iamironman-blog​ @paradoxicalblueberry​ @the-regal-warrior​ @transparentparadiseglitterzombie​ @marvelgem​ @propertyofmarvel​ @avngrsinitiative​ @my-leg-is-not-a-chew-toy​ @lyricalstella​ @just-the-daydreamer​

[silver-imagines]

Bad Liar II

Part I

Oh, hush, my dear, it's been a difficult year

And terrors don't prey on Innocent victims Trust me, darling, trust me darling It's been a loveless year I'm a man of three fears Integrity, faith and Crocodile tears Trust me, darling, trust me, darling

- Bad Liar (Imagine Dragons)

Warnings: FFH spoilers, some swearing, a scene that might be considered dark ?

Word count: 3.6K+

Summary: Aiming to live up to her sister’s legacy, a whole lot of trouble is in heading for (Y/n), trouble in the form of a Blue eyed devil.

Hi guys! Part two is here, thank you for the love on the first part, especially to those who gave me the nice messages to keep continuing, I have not really proof read this but hope you guys all enjoy, story gets real after this part !

“Sir, I don’t mean to disrespect you, but you gave Peter Tony’s glasses?” She asked in disbelief, wondering why on Earth he would give the most advanced weaponised system over to a 16-year-old kid.

“Romanoff, as you can see, Stark left it behind for Parker, and who are we to stand in front of a wise man’s Will?’ Fury replied, brushing her off. ‘But Sir, he’s still a kid-“

“That’s enough agent, if I needed your opinion, I’d ask, so I suggest you return to your job and do it well, something your sister excelled at without questioning my orders.” He remarked, not exactly in the mood to deal with one of his agents questioning his decisions. Straightening her back, she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat, Fury had no right to attack her like this, not after everything she had given up for him and SHIELD.

______

Groaning in anger, he threw his helmet on to the floor, running a hand through his hair out of frustration as he sat down onto the chair. (Y/n) noticed the loud bang of the helmet hitting the floor, her gaze following it up to its owner, finding him slouched on the chair.

“Is everything alright?” She asked, it was around 3 o’clock, SHIELD had booked out the entire floor of the hotel in Venice and currently, her and Beck were the only ones awake.

“I won’t be able to, I can’t do it alone” He signed, throwing his head back as he ran a hand through his hair again. “Have some faith in yourself Beck” (Y/N) chuckled, sitting on the desk next to his chair, giving him a soft pat on his shoulder.

“I already failed my people, my family, I shouldn’t even be alive honestly” He continued, looking up at her, his blue eyes becoming a little glossy. Her heart sank for him, losing his family, his friends, his entire world. No one deserved that, why did the best ones have the worst fate she bitterly thought.

“It’ll be alright Beck” she softly said, ‘This life isn’t easy, pain, loss, betrayal, they don’t come in the job description but they sure as hell come along with it.” She chuckled bitterly.

“I guess it’s up to us to make the hard choices.” He sighed, reaching forward to grab her hand, causing her to flinch backwards. “I’m so sorry, it’s just a habit.” He spoke, voice slightly breaking as he pulled his hand back, noticing her tensing up.

“You said I reminded you of someone, back on your Earth, who was it?” She asked, she had been playing with the thought of confronting him with this, especially after what happened earlier today.

She was busy, making arrangements for their departure to Prague for tomorrow night, handling the logistics and arranging the transport of the required equipment. He finally had her alone as she sat in front of the computer screen, furiously typing away as he approached her.

“Honey you need a break.” He softly whispered, making sure everyone else on the other side of the room couldn’t hear him. “Uh Beck, are you talking to me?” she asked, turning her head around to see him leaning against the desk.

“Yes Darling.” He gave her a soft smile, his eyes twinkling as he leaned forward and kissed her head.

“It’s going to sound crazy but hear me out, all the different Earths, it’s the same people, same, just different fates.” He began, placing his hands on the desk in front of him. “Well, on my Earth, 616, well, I knew you, well, her name was (Y/n) (L/n) not (Y/n) Romanoff, so I guess maybe there are some differences.” He continued, his eyes scanning her emotionless face as she nodded along.

“Romanoff isn’t my real last name.” She softly said, letting her hair cover her face as she hung her head low, she still grieved her sister, she had done so, so much for her. For some reason, she felt safe and warm around the blue-eyed hero, maybe it was his soft voice, or his sparkling eyes or the way he showed concern for her, and maybe one day she would be able to share her grief with him.

“What do you mean, an alias?” He questioned, finally, he had already tried to find anything he could about her but seemed like SHIELD kept her off the radar for everything, the only ever mention of her was buried in the fine prints of the Sokovia Accords, a brief mention, of (Y/n) Romanoff. “That’s not important, but continue” She gave him a weak smile, not particularly keen on getting into her past.

“Well, I knew your multiverse counterpart, she was, she was a special person to me” He trailed off, playing with the wedding band on his finger, drawing her eyes to it again.

“Wait, was I married to you?” (Y/n) asked in surprise, special, ‘honey’, the kisses, the constant looks, the wedding band, they all pointed to one thing, either that or her brain was failing her. He reached over for her hand again, and this time, she let him, the warmth of his hand grabbing hers spread throughout her body, sending chills down her spine. His fingertips dug into her wrist, sure to leave marks on her wrist.

“We were so happy.” He whispered, head hanging low, ‘we were so happy, so, so happy” He continued, gripping her hand tightly. “I’m so sorry Quentin” She softly spoke, placing her other hand on top of his one, addressing him by his first name for the first time. The way his name rolled off of her tongue, it made his heart strings tug.

“You died in my arms…. I couldn’t save you, I failed you…... and our child’ He looked up at her, tears threatening to fall out of his eyes.

“I’m so sorry Quentin, you didn’t deserve to lose her.” (Y/n) softly squeezed his hand, trying to give him some reassurance. She didn’t know what else to say, there was some version of her, some version that was free to love and did, and it was obvious she got that even more love in return, but the (Y/N) of this Earth wasn’t so fortunate.

“I won’t lose you again, I won’t let it kill you this time.” He spoke, his voice lowering, becoming more growl like, his grip on her hand tightening as he looked up at her, reaching forward and cupping her cheek, grazing the small scar on the left cheek with his thumb.

“I’m not losing you again (Y/n), no matter what.” He vowed, looking into her (e/c) eyes, observing her solemn expression as she gripped his hand tighter, giving him comfort. On the surface, it was all just an act but deep down, maybe the cause of his increased heart beat wasn’t the fear of getting caught, but rather the warmth of the cold handed girl.

_______

She was running, running so fast her legs ached, but she kept running, she had no choice. Her lungs were begging for oxygen, not being able to keep up with her fast pace. Her legs hurt, so much, the burning on her skin getting hotter, her knees buckled, and she fell.

Hitting the cold hard floor, the pain vibrated through her knees, it hurt, so, so much.

“Please, make it stop, please.” She begged, her back giving out, no longer holding her up straight as she collapsed on the floor, the coolness of the hard floor soothing her burning skin.

“Shhhh little one, won’t be much longer, just submit” The all too familiar voice boomed in her ears, she gasped for breath, it was as if the room was shut off from the world, no oxygen for her to breathe, no air left to keep her alive. “It should... h-have been me.” She barely choked out, her raw throat begging for water, any sort of salvation. The black cloaked figure stood in the corner, the rest of the room turning into the colours of Vormir.

“Hey Kiddo.” An all too familiar voice called out, causing her head to turn upwards, her eyes landing on the black and blonde hair of her sister.

Nat?

“N-natasha, yo-you���r-re al-ive’ She barely choked out, the fire in her throat getting worse as her gums ached, her tongue feeling too heavy. She crouched down beside her, softly caressing her hair, her cool skin giving the (h/c) girl comfort as she leaned into her sister’s touch as her heavy eyelids shut.

“Shhhh, it’ll be ok, I’m here now, I’ve got you” Natasha cooed, putting her hand behind her neck and helping her sister up sit up, wiping the dirt and sweat off of her forehead with the other. “I’m so sorry, I’m s-so s-orr-y.” (Y/n) cried, holding Natasha’s hand, tears dropping down her cheeks, ‘I’m so sorry I failed you” She cried, the burning in her throat was back, her lips quivering as her body shook. The pain was getting worse, as if it was something trying to burn her heart from the inside.

“You did, you were always a failure and will be.” Her sister hissed, her facial features turning bitter as she yanked her hair backwards, causing her to look upwards as she let out a scream.

“You’ll never be nothing more than a failure, nothing.” She bitterly hissed, pushing her forward onto the harsh ground, causing her to hit her forehead on the rocks, cracking her head open. The all too familiar music began playing on a piano, the music that had never stopped haunting her. The room felt smaller, her weak and quivering body lying in the middle, darkness taking over the room as the lights went out.

“You’re nothing, you failed us all.” The booming voice came back, the pain in her chest getting worse as she let out more whimpers.

“You let me die.” Came Natasha’s voice, echoing in the room that seemed to be getting smaller every moment. The walls got closer, the room felt hotter, ‘No, no, please-“She cried, not being able to keep herself composed but by this point, her eyes were running out of tears.

“(Y/n), (y/n)! Wake up, snap out of it!” Another voice called out, waking her up. Opening her eyes, she realised the beads of sweat and tears running down her face as she looked around, meeting a pair of familiar blue eyes, he had shaken her shoulders, causing her to snap out of her bad dream as she sat up, her (e/c) rapidly moving around, trying to distinguish the difference between dreams and reality.

He had heard her screams from his own room through the thin walls and having pushed her door open, he entered her room, finding her sprawled all over the bed, constantly tossing and turning. Messy hair, puffy cheeks, forehead covered in sweat, the constant whimpers falling off of her lips, he had to wake her up.

“(Y/n), are you alright?” He asked, using his hand to move the hair that was sticking to her skin away from her cheek, helping her sit up as he sat in front of her. “I-I-uh, I” She was still so rattled, it felt so real, so, so real.

His blue eyes scanned her, keeping her under their intense gaze as he studied her, small scars decorating her neck and shoulders, visible due to her tank top, her skin covered in a small layer of sweat, hair either sticking to her skin or shooting up in all directions, drops of blood seeping out of her bottom lip due to a very obvious cut.

What he did next surprised them both, wrapping one arm around her waist and the other around her shoulder, he pulled her close, pulling her head against his shoulder as he hugged her close, caressing her hair.

“Shhhhh, it’ll be ok, it was just a bad dream.” He cooed, caressing her hair as she stayed limp in his arms, still shell shocked, not responding to anything around her. “I ki-kiled her.” She softly said, her voice barely a whisper, her eyes getting wider by the second, tears rolling out.

“Shhh, (Y/n) it’s ok, it’s over, you’re safe’ He whispered in her ear, giving her a kiss on the head as he held her slightly quivering body in his arms. Closing her eyes, she focused on her breathing, trying to drown out the voices from her conscious, inhaling and exhaling deeply, her body leaning into his touch as his warm body radiated heat, giving her comfort.

“Just breathe, it’ll be ok honey” He whispered against her hair, keeping his hand on her cheek as he caressed it with his thumb. Opening her eyes, she looked up at him, his blue eyes digging into her (e/c) orbs.Suddenly coming to her senses and realising the situation, she tensed up, putting her hands on his arm, she pushed him away, feeling ashamed of herself for being so pathetic and weak, especially in front of him.

“I, uh, please get away from me.” She softly spoke, pushing him off of her, causing a confused expression to wash over his facial features. “Are you alright Romanoff?” He asked, addressing her with her last name, causing another tug at her heart, Romanoff.

“Please just leave me alone.” She whispered again, pushing him off of herself completely as she moved slightly away from him, his eyes softened as he reached forward to reach for her again, but she moved further away, her back hitting the headboard.

“(Y/n)…” He trailed off in a soft voice, but she cut him off before he could do anything.

“I don’t need your help Beck, you don’t need to care for me, I’m not her so spare me the pity.” She spoke, voice dripping with venom, turning her eyes away from his gaze, not wanting to be further embarrassed in front of him.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” He asked again, swallowing his pride but she cut him off, raising her hand, ‘Beck cut it out, she’s gone, I’m not her so just leave me the fuck alone please” She growled, wanting nothing more than to be left alone to deal with her own misery. Nodding at her words, Quentin gave her a soft look, as if tears were brimming his eyes, before getting up off of her bed and leaving her alone, letting the door close with a soft thud behind him.

She sighed as she lied down and brought her knees up to her chest, resting her head against her knees, her head throbbing as she curled up under the covers, wishing to forget everything.

_________

Grunting as she wiped the sweat off of her forehead, the (h/c) girl sighed, feeling her lower muscles ache in agony as she sat down on the small bench in the park, catching her breath. They had arrived in Prague this morning, the Fire Elemental wasn’t predicted to strike until tonight at 7 o’clock and for now, she was off official duties.

Leaning back against the backrest, she closed her eyes, the rising sun’s warmth engulfing her skin in a warm hug, the sound of birds chirping in the park ringing in her ears as events of last night still haunted her.

(Y/n) was beyond angry, not at Quentin, but at herself. How could she have been so pathetic in front of someone, especially him. He had lost his entire world and yet he was here, not breaking down like some pathetic idiot whereas she on the other hand couldn’t handle a simple nightmare. She was just so, so angry at herself and to make matters worse, she had essentially rubbed a man’s dead wife in his face, he probably hated her at this point, damaging whatever barely-there relationship they had.

Running a hand through her hair, she looked up at the sky, deciding it was too bright, she settled on the on the lake in front of her, the water sparkling lightly but her eyes fell on a familiar figure situated at the end of the small pier that lead into the middle of the lake.

Feeling a pit form in her stomach, she swallowed the lump in her throat, recognising who it was, she had to apologise to him, she had crossed all sorts of lines two nights ago, and it was pretty obvious from the fact he had been avoiding her as if she was the black plague.

She got off the bench, her legs no longer aching from her vigorous 10km run but rather feeling weak, guilt was always hard to carry. Slowly making her way to the end of the pier where Quentin was seated, she sat down next to him, causing his head to turn.

“What are you doing here Romanoff?” He asked, looking back out into the lake, not making eye contact with the (h/c) girl.  

“I uh I, Bec- Quentin, I crossed the line that night, I uh, you were only trying to h-help me.” She half mumble stuttered, she wasn’t exactly experienced in apologising to people or even having any type of friendship or relationship with anyone, let alone with someone whose dead wife she resembled.

“I heard your screams, you sound just like her, I couldn’t stand to see you in that situation.” He explained, looking up at her, the rising run reflecting in his eyes, making them twinkle as he gazed into her (e/c) eyes.

“It felt like I was losing her all over again, she was my everything Romanoff, my absolute everything.” He continued, shifting a little so his body was turned towards her frame as he inched closer.

“I uh, I appreciate the help you gave Quentin, you didn’t have to do it but-“She began again, but he cut her off, chuckling. “Are you trying to apologise Romanoff? You kinda suck at it” He laughed, nudging her shoulder with his as she diverted her gaze.

“I’m not really good at such stuff, I was always taught, treat others like objects, you don’t want to get attached to others, keep distance or it won’t end well….” She trailed off, feeling a pit form in her stomach as she struggled to find more words. Quentin watched her with an amused smirk, he had her withering.

“Hey hey hey, it’s ok.” He mumbled, placing one hand on left cheek, tilting her face up so she would look up at him, and that’s when he noticed the dark circles under her eyes, the tiredness in her eyes, the slight swelling of her eyes and cheeks.

“I’m so sorry Quentin, I’m so, so sorry, sorry won’t even make up for what I did, if there’s anything that’ll make you forgive me, I’m read-“ Before she could finish, he did the unexpected. Pulling her face closer to his, he brought her closer to him, noses touching, his warm breath hitting her face as he closed his eyes, whispering ‘shhhh’ to her. “It’s alright my love, shhhhhh, it’s ok.” He whispered ever so softy, his thumb caressing her cheek she stared at him with wide eyes as she tensed up, she absolutely did not expect this.

“I would forgive you for anything (Y/n), you were, and always will be my everything” He whispered, using his hand to further tilt her face and with a brush between heaven and hell,  he placed his sinful lips onto her innocent ones, innocent as they weren’t yet touched by another but guilty of having spewed poison.  

The warmth of his lips engulfed the (h/c) haired girl, spreading through her body like a wild fire as she regained her senses, firmly planting her hands on his chest, she pushed him away almost instantly. Her lips still tingled, a faint buzzing ringing in her head as she looked up at his clouded eyes, the rejection evident on his face.

“What, what was that?” She asked, moving backwards, putting some daylight between him and herself, afraid that he might try to kiss her again. His blue eyes stared back at her, not blinking as he struggled to find words to explain himself.

He had no idea as to why he had done that, was it because it was a part of his plan?

Yes

But was that the only reason?

No, no, no

Swallowing a lump in his throat, he subconsciously fidgeted with the wedding band on his finger, trying to think of his play here. “I’m sorry (Y/n), but at the same time, I’m not” He began, his voice continually becoming softer as a solemn look washed over his face.

“I can’t help but love you, you’re so much like her, heck, you are her, you’re my (Y/n).” He began, his voice displaying an urgency that she couldn’t understand as he gave her a soft smile, eyes turning slightly red as he averted his gaze and he got up, knowing it was his time to now walk away before doing more damage. (Y/n) stared at him, eyes fixed on his retreating figure as she watched him walk down the pier without saying another word. She didn’t know what to do or say, her lips still tingled as she subconsciously raised her hand to feel her lips, he was her first kiss.

If he had done literally anything other than this, she knew a million different things to say and do in return but to this?

Never in a million years did she think her first kiss would be with a man from another Earth, especially who’s dead wife she resembled.

But whatever it was, it left her with butterflies in her stomach, a warm feeling spreading throughout her body despite the mere seconds of contact with his warm lips.

[m-rphy]

We can text if you can’t talk

Summary:            When Matteo sees David dance with and kiss Leonie at Sara's party, his world begins to crumble, and it's like he's plunged into darkness. This is the aftermath. TW: This fic deals with slight themes of transphobia and self-harm/depression.

Notes:    I apologize in advance if I handled any trans issues in an insensitive matter in this fic. Please let me know if that's the case and I'd be happy to change those parts.

Matteo had stopped caring about which day it was. He woke up when it was already light out and went back to sleep long after the sun had set. His curtains were drawn closed pretty much 24/7 anyway, so it wasn't like it mattered if it was day or night.

First, he had been able to excuse his behavior to Hans and Linn and his boys with just wanting to relax a few days after his first couple of exams. Then he had lied that he got sick and needed to rest. But at this point, he had run out of excuses. He basically only left his bed to take a piss or get something to eat (which all tasted the same anyway so it was frozen pizza after frozen pizza) and he knew he worried Hans and Jonas especially, but he couldn't help it. It just... got overwhelming. Matteo wished nothing more than to be able to... take out his brain and replace it with a new, normally-functioning one, or to just disappear, or to never being born at all.

He had put on some comedy on Netflix in hopes of it cheering him up, but he couldn't even begin to concentrate on the movie so instead, he was playing games on his phone at the same time. Just as the leading lady in the movie fell into a pool, his phone buzzed with a message.

Jonas, 20:17 Hey bro what are you doing?

Matteo inhaled deeply. He had been ignoring Jonas for two days already and he knew it was unfair but the thought alone of trying to string together words for an answer drained what little energy he had left. He plopped his head down on his arm again, dropping his phone back onto his mattress.

Man, this movie was shit.

Matteo blinked awake. Deep pink light fell through his windows, half-swallowed and muted by his curtains, but still tinting his room a warm hue. His laptop still stood on the edge of his bed, the led light that indicated it was in standby mode blinking. Matteo closed it and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

His mind wandered to all the times this has happened before. Most days, it was just an underlying feeling of sadness mixed with apathy, something people around him tended to call a “laid-back” or “I don't give a fuck” attitude. But some days and weeks, it got bad. Like, bad bad. Sleeping-for-15-hours bad. Not-showering-in-four-days bad. Banging-his-head-against-a-wall-to-numb-the-inside-pain-with-outside-pain bad.

His phone buzzed again, but he didn't even bother to look at it. His stomach rumbled. Matteo inhaled deeply, debating how much longer he could put off making some food since he had been hungry already before his nap. His stomach grumbled again, contracting painfully.

Matteo sighed and rolled over to get up, not bothering to change the sweater he had been living in for the past three days, or to put on proper pants. The WG had seen him in his boxers plenty of times already so whatever.

He padded over into the kitchen, painfully aware of the disheveled state of his hair and how easy it would be for any of the others to tell something wasn't alright. He didn't care. He simply took a pizza from the freezer, put it on the oven rack without backing parchment and closed the oven door, setting the temperature to 200°C.

“Hey my little butterfly,” Hans greeted him as he entered to kitchen and went over to the fridge.

“He,” Matteo replied, and God, now he even failed at forming full words? And sure enough, Hans turned around to look at him, the fridge door hanging open behind him. Matteo avoided his eyes and looked down at his feet.

“Pizza again?” Hans asked, obviously trying to make conversation, but Matteo didn't see the point in replying. Obviously pizza again. He just did a half-shrug-head-shake instead. Hans didn't say anything else for a few seconds, and then, “How about we cook something together tomorrow evening? A nice potato gratin with loads of cheese. Hm? What about that?”

Matteo looked up at Hans for a moment and said “Whatever” with another shrug before he looked at his feet again. Hans made a small noise of discontent.

“You need a pick-me-up,” he concluded before he shut the fridge and left the kitchen again, leaving Matteo to stare at the spot where he just stood.

*

A soft knock on his door caused Matteo to look up.

“Matteo,” an even softer voice came muffled through the door and Matteo's heart skipped a beat. He felt paralyzed. “Can I come in?”

Matteo just stared at the door, a thousand emotions swelling up inside him and constricting his throat, making it impossible to reply anything. Not to mention the fact that he wasn't even sure if he wanted him to come in or not.

A soft thud against the door made Matteo think that he leaned against it on the other side and some of the tension left Matteo's body, only to come back tenfold when his phone buzzed with a message from him.

David, 21:09  Can I please come inside?

Matteo blinked and felt a tear fall from his eyes. Fuck. Why were emotions a thing? He stared at the message through the tears blurring his vision and his fingers hovered over the screen.

Matteo, 21:10  Ok

There was some rustling on the other side of the door and after a moment of silence, the door creaked open. Matteo held his breath.

David entered his room hesitantly, half-hiding behind the door, and looked over at Matteo who realized that David would totally be able to tell he had been crying, even from where he stood. Quickly, he wiped his cheeks dry with the sleeve of his sweater.

“Hi,” David said quietly, not moving, waiting, giving Matteo room. For some reason, this made everything worse.

“Hi,” Matteo finally replied and David took this as a sign that he could close the door. Afterwards, he came over to the bed, but stopped at the end of it, biting his lip. This close, Matteo �� who couldn't help but study David's face – saw that he didn't seem to be doing so well either. There were dark circles under his eyes and his hair looked a lot messier than usual.

The silence filled the room when neither of them knew what to say next. Matteo was glad he didn't need to talk because the lump in his throat was still there and he was afraid that his voice would break if he had to say more than one word. As the silence went on he watched as David pulled his phone out of his pocket and started typing, before his own phone buzzed. David looked over at him expectantly. Matteo unlocked his phone.

David, 21:12  We can text if you can't talk

And, a second later...

David, 21:12  It's what I do when everything gets too much

Matteo stared at the messages as a feeling, so very different from everything he had experienced in the past days, started to spread through him. The closest he had ever come to feeling like this was when he spent time alone with Jonas, but it was different still. His phone buzzed again.

David, 21:13  I will just stay here a bit okay? And when you're ready you can tell me whats wrong

With this, he sat down at the end of the bed and took of his jacket, revealing a soft black hoodie, his headphones still looped around his neck, like always. Matteo knew David was looking over at him, but he just continued to stare at his phone, at the message David had just sent.

The clattering of pots and pans carried over from the kitchen, and somehow it felt like an invasion of privacy, even though Matteo was perfectly aware that all of his flat mates were decent enough not to listen in on others' conversations. Well, except maybe Hans.

Matteo tried to breathe through the lump in his throat as he started typing a reply to David. He didn't know where to start, a thousand thoughts flooding his brain. After a moment of hesitation, he started with the one he was surest about.

Matteo, 21:15  I like you. I cant explain it but i do and i think ive never felt the same for anyone else and its terrifying. Because life is horrible and shit like at saras party happens and it rips ur fucking heart out nd theres nothing u can do abut it

The tears were back and he hated hated hated it. He hated himself so much in moments like this. Matteo screwed his eyes shut and dropped his head against the wall he was leaning on with a bit more force than he had planned and suddenly he found himself in David's arms who pulled him away from the wall and held him tight.

“Stop,” he whispered in Matteo's ear, no heat behind it, so very different to how his Dad had reacted when Matteo had first shown signs of self-destructive behavior as a child. And when David's fingers brushed gingerly across the back of his head to soothe the pain, instead of grabbing his wrists in an iron grip like his Dad telling him to snap out of it, Matteo realized was true concern looked like. Since his Dad had left, he had begun to realize that his father's actions had always come from a place of annoyance, but it hadn't been until just now that he knew what difference a reaction could make.

And with this realization, Matteo slumped against David and hugged him back, held him so close that he thought he'd crush him, but David just let it happen. And like this they sat until the clatter and chatter from the kitchen fell silent, the others back in their rooms, and his room dark save for the lamp on his bedside table. The tears had stopped, though his nose was still runny, and finally he felt ready to pull back.

He met David's eyes, the other boy's eyebrows knitted together sadly.

“I'm sorry,” he murmured, dropping his gaze for a moment. “About Sara's party. I don't know what came over me. It's just...” He inhaled deeply. “You remember that joke you made about Hans's friend, the trans girl from that one party who you said “Still totally looks like a dude”?”

Matteo blinked at him in confusion before he nodded.

“Well, it's just that...” David hesitated again, taking another shaky breath. “I'm trans, Matteo.”

Matteo felt his face fall. Fuck.

“David, I –” he started but David cut him off.

“My parents decided to move since I was bullied at my last school because of it, so I never told anyone here because I didn't wanna go through the same stuff again. And then you came along and I fell head over heels and then... well... then you said that.” He looked down at his lap where he picked on his thumb's cuticle with his fingernail. “And it made me doubt everything that happened between us. And then Leonie was at the party, and I know she has a crush on me, so I just said to myself, why the fuck not? I just wanted to feel good for one night.”

Matteo stared at him, his thoughts a mess.

“David, I'm sorry,” he finally said, because what he had just heard put everything else into perspective. “I never meant to hurt you, I'm sorry.”

“Well, shit happens,” David said with a sad chuckle and looked at Matteo again. “After you said that, my thoughts just spiraled and I... well... I ended up convincing myself that you'd never want to be together with me because I'm trans.”

“No!” The word broke out of Matteo with such force that he was a bit surprised himself. “It's... well I'd be lying if I said it's not a bit weird right now, but... it doesn't change anything for me, David. I like you because you're you. Because you get me.” And when he saw the look on David's face, he added, “I meant it's weird because I'm a stupid bastard and I don't know shit, and I don't want to hurt you ever again with something I say.”

“Don't call yourself that,” David said in a small voice.

“It's true though. I hurt you, so that makes me a bastard.”

“You were just joking around,” David tried to trivialize it. “You didn't know any better.”

But Matteo was having none of it. “That's not an excuse. It was still shitty.”

He thought David would continue to protest, but he said something else instead. “Do you know why I'm here?” Matteo shook his head no. “Because Sara texted me. Apparently she had the suspicion you're gay and have a crush on me after you dumped her, and then Hanna texted her earlier about how you've been down the whole holidays and she remembered what happened at the party and put two and two together.”

Matteo couldn't help but be amazed. He knew he had hurt her deeply, but that she still found it in her heart to care about him like that... he hadn't expected it. At the mention of the party, Matteo couldn't keep himself any longer from asking a question that had been on his mind since David had arrived.

“So you're not interested in Leonie?”

The question hung in the air for a moment before David laughed, and Matteo's heart tugged warmly at the sight of it.

“Matteo. I'm gay. I'm in love with you.”

Whoop, there it was. David's mouth fell open when he noticed what he had said and Matteo was aware that he looked just as thunderstruck.

“You what?” he asked, not able to stop the smile from spreading across his face. It took David a second longer before a similar smile lifted the corners of his mouth as well.

“I'm in love with you.”

“God, stop being cheesy!” Matteo laughed and shoved David so that he almost fell backwards. For a moment, they jostled around until both of them needed to catch their breath and Matteo noticed that their fingers were entwined. Suddenly, the air in his room felt heavier again.

“So, you still like me?” David asked, the uncertainty still audible in his voice.

“Yes,” Matteo answered without missing a beat. “I still like you, dumbass.”

And God, the smile that lit up David's face just then, it could've blinded the whole world.

[littlebitoffanfic]

Perfect Moment

Fandom: Friday the Thirteen Characters: Jason, Pamela Relationship: Jason/reader Request: heya! It's the Jason!Anon from earlier~ Super excited you're open to doing this though. So like I said, i really loved your jason imagine and was wondering if you'd maybe wanna put that 'into fic form' basically? Like the reader was friends with Jason growing up and didn't care about the deformity but then he died and her parents took her away until one day (bonus points if on the anniversary of his death or his birthday) she comes back and they reunite and fluff? If not lemme know AN: I kept it a little closer to my headcannon just by having his mother a little more involved. I hope that’s alright 😊 Original headcannons: http://littlebitoffanfic.tumblr.com/post/176634985554/dating-jason-would-include “Stop it, STOP IT!” You screamed, thrashing against the kids holding you back. “HE CANT SWIM!” But the others continued to chase him along the floating rafts. You watched in horror as he stumbled a little then tripped. He looked to you, searching for some kind of help. Turning your head, you looked for the adults. They were meant to be here, they were meant to be watching. “Please! Leave him alone!” You scream out, tears streaming down your cheeks as you struggled against the two pairs of hands that held you in place. They were 2 boys who were three years older than you, so they easily held you back while their little friends chased Jason. Then it happened. Jason nearly got back to his feet when he slipped and fell head first into the water. Your heart stopped as you froze. He couldn’t swim. The boys froze as well, knowing that he couldn’t swim. They hadn’t intended to chase him INTO the water, just to spook him. You heard one of the boys behind you turn and try to call for a councillor but they didn’t respond. You managed to slip out of their grasp only to have a larger hand grab your arm. You turned to see one of the adults with his shirt partly open and lipstick on his neck. Another ran past and dove into the water but they immerged without him. “Let me go! I can find him. He doesn’t trust you.” You fought just as hard against the grown up, but with little success. You knew Jason wouldn’t go near the grownups because they dismissed him and treated him poorly, but maybe if you could get to him. “Sorry, no ones allowed in the water.” The man shook his head. Something in you broke and you twisted around and bit down on his bare forearm, hard. he screamed out, letting go of you and you took your chance and ran to the water. Only for another grown up to grab you by the waist, lifting you up and carrying you back to the cabins. You trashed and screamed, crying out his name. -------------time skip ------------------ You woke up in a cold sweat as your own screams echoed through your head. Sitting up, you gasped for air as you looked around you. It was still dark in the small motel room. The clock showed 4am although it flickered on and off a few times. you felt your tears running down your cheeks and you were quick to brush them away as you got out of bed, heading to the bathroom. You knew there was no point in trying to go back to sleep. Your nightmare would just replay that day on a loop anyway. Even after so many years, you still remembered it like it was yesterday. Sometimes you would still be a child, and sometimes you would be an adult. But the outcome was all the same. After Jasons death, you took a turn for the worse. But who could blame you. Seeing your best friend murdered then neither the kids nor the councillors facing any repercussions for their actions (or lack of), made you bitter and resentful for any adults that weren’t your parents or Mrs Voorhees. She had been one of the first to comfort you, wrapping you in her arms as the two of you sobbed. That day, you lost a friend and she lost a son. She understood why your parents were concerned and helped when it came time for them to take you away from that place. She would stay, but she hated the sight of you staring out at the spot, hoping he might return. You later found out that she had given your parents a massive lump some of money to put you through school and college. She had been saving it for Jason, but now wanted you to have it. So you went to the best school and graduated with top marks. For a few years, you studied a few different coursed but nothing ever stuck. You were smart, and had a wide range of talents but you never really connected with anyone again. So you travelled a little by yourself, earning money through your art. But then your mom and dad were involved in a crash. One which saw you left as an orphan and you didn’t know where to go. parentless and friendless, one place suddenly popped into your mind. Camp Crystal Lake. You stayed for as long as you were needed, giving your loving parents a nice send off and seeing their estate was handled correctly. They both had life insurance and a chunk of savings which was all left to you. This plus the sale of their home and a few other assists meant you were set for life. 5 months after their death, you packed up your car. Some items you put into a long term storage but the sentimental items like their wedding rings and a locket came with you. a weeks dive had lead to you spending the last night on the road at this motel. It was okay, a little dingy but just enough to get a decent nights sleep and a breakfast. You glanced at your wrist, the purple and blue friendship bracelet was tattered and seen better days, but it was made for you by Jason, so everywhere you went, it went. You had made one for him, the same colours to represent you both. You ran your brush through your hair while you contemplated spending another night here. You had already missed a full days travel because you decided to stay again last night so you knew you had to move on. Besides, if you left at 6, you would be at crystal lake by 4pm. After packing up your things and going down for breakfast, you handed back your keys and paid your bill. Heading out to your car, you couldn’t help but feel a slow building dread. Maybe it was the fact the day was dreary and grey. You arrived at the entry gate at 5.30pm, a little later than you would have liked but the roads were dangerous, so you took it slow. You felt a shiver run through your spin as you pulled up outside a cabin. Even though it was still daytime, the rain and black clouds made it look later than it was as you got out the car, pulling your hood up. Looking down at your bracelet, you felt a small rush of hope. You didn’t even know if she was still here. You could see someone moving about in the cabin she and Jason had called home. It took 10 minutes for you to gather the courage to walk to the cabin. walking up the three steps to the porch, you pulled down your hood once out of the rain and knocked three times, your hands shaking violently. There was a pause from inside, then you heard footsteps coming to the door. It opened and you nearly dropped to your knees as Mrs Voorhees stood in front of you, aged but still fully recognisable. And apparently, you were the same. “[y/n]?” She breathed, her hand dropping from the door as she stared at you. She reached out a trembling hand, pushing a strand of your wet hair back out your face so she could see your eyes properly. When she did, her face broke into a smile as her eyes pooled with tears. She pulled you into her arms, hugging you as she swayed. You cuddled into her, your own tears making you sob onto her shoulder. She felt your shaking body and you both ended up kneeling on her porch in each others arms. She pulled you into her home and set you down on the couch before rushing to make you tea. “Is it just you? Will your parents be coming back?” She asked when she returned, placing the cup in front of you on the small coffee table in the centre. You dropped her gaze, looking away. “They, um, they passed away.” You cleared your throat, fresh tears coming into your eyes. “Oh, im so sorry.” She sat next to you, wrapping one arm around you while placing one hand on your lap comfortingly. You told her about the crash, and about how you had decided to come back here. She said you could stay with her as long as you liked, and that she had seen a cabin not too far from here up for sale, if you were wanting to stay. ---------------time skip ----------------- “Mrs Voorhees? I bought some fresh bread.” You call as you enter her cabin, your handmade bread in a little tin to protect it. “Oh lovely.” She smiled as she walked out from the kitchen. “Smells delicious.” “Thank you.” You giggle as she takes it from you and heads back to the kitchen. After staying with her for 2 weeks, you had put in an offer for the cabin about a quarter of a mile from hers. It was accepted and you had been living there for 4 months now. But something strange had been happening. “May I ask you something?” You ask, following her to the kitchen. She hums a yes. “Have you noticed someone in the woods?” Pamela freezes, not daring to look at you as she glances out the window. “N-no, my dear. Why?” She stutters a little as you slid into a seat at her breakfast bar. “Well, ive just felt like someone’s watching me. Im sure ive seen someone moving about outside my house at night. Its just.. strange.” You shake your head, unable to describe it. “How so?” she asks, sitting down across from you with a raised eye brow. “Its not… I don’t think their… dangerous. It feels more like having a protector than a stalker.” You scorn yourself, unable to put it into a way that didn’t sound ridiculous. “Maybe you do. Maybe someone’s looking out for you.” She smiles kindly and it gives you some level of peace to your mind. “Oh, while Im here.” You suddenly remember. “One of the councillors is asking around about… him.” there was a moment of quiet that rushed over you both. “We’ll finish it all soon. Only a few more days I think.” She looks at you for your reaction to which you nod. After years of resentment that built up, she had offered you the only thing to stifle that need. She first told you about her plans after you ran in on her killing a couple who had been having sex. You had kept the girl while she killed the guy then the girl. You had joined her (after she had offered you an escape if you promised not to tell). So you helped to kill the young councillors. You vowed you wouldn’t let them open this camp again. It would disrespect Jason’s memory. Leaning back, you smiled as you looked up at the walls, which had a number of pictures hung up. Of the 8 photos, 2 were of her parents and their wedding, and the other 6 were Jason. You were in 3. “You two were always attached at the hip.” She smiled fondly, following your gaze to her son. “Your parents often joked with me that we’d be arranging a wedding about now.” “You might have been.” You smiled sadly. ----------------flash back----------------- “please take it off?” You begged, your pigtails bouncing as you jumped excitedly. Only a week before the tragic incident, you could have never guessed how drastically your life was about to change. Jason, with a small huff, pulled off the bag he wore over his head. His face, which was severally disformed, made him hid away from people. The only people he didn’t push away was you, his mama and your mom and dad. “I heard your mama saying we have to get married.” You giggled, pointing between you both. It was true. She had been joking about it over coffee with your mom. Jason glanced to the floor, a small blush dawning his normally pale cheeks as he glanced back to you. He adored you, anyone could see that. Even if it was a puppy crush, that didn’t stop every adult thinking you two were destined for each other. “If we did, we could live together and stay up late and drink all the fizzy drinks we can! It would be so much fun.” You giggle, skipping across to your room to the shelf. Jason ran up behind you, nodding excitedly as you pulled some books off the shelf and fell to the ground. Jason joined you as you opened the books up and spread them out. All on pages where the main characters were getting married. “I want to wear a dress like her.” You point to one of your favourite characters, having always wanted to wear a dress like in a the fairy tales. But Jason’s eyes were on another book. In that illustration, the two main characters were leaning forward and kissing while guests threw white confetti over their heads in celebration. He reached out and tapped the page, looking back to you in fear as he pointed to himself. Years of friendship had created a silent communication between the two of you that baffled the adults. “yeah, we’d have to kiss. My mom and dad do it all the time.” You nod but that didn’t seem to answer his question. He pointed to himself again and looked down, running his hand up the side of his misshaped face. “Of course I do.” You reach out, taking his hand off his face and answer his silent ‘would you kiss me?’ question. Jason jumped at your response, beaming at you as he grabbed both your hands. “You wanna practice?” the two of you leaded forward, meeting each others lips. A totally innocent kiss, one that adult would chuckle at and call cute. One which made an adult you smile back on fondly. When you pulled back, you were giggling but that didn’t cover the blush on your cheeks. Just then, your mom called you both for dinner. You dragged Jason to his feet, promising that when you got married, you could eat whatever you wanted for dinner. ---------------present -------------------- When you were walking back to your cabin, you felt the gaze of someone. You knew they were there, you knew it in your gut that someone was close by, but when you around you saw nothing. As your house came into view, you saw there was something on your porch. Frowning, you walked a little fast until you could clearly make out what they were. Daffodils. One of you favourite flowers when you were a child. Jason would pick some from his mothers garden when you were upset or if it was your birthday. Walking closer, you saw about 10 had been left on your porch. You picked them up before sliding to sit on the step. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you smiled at the flowers and looked up to the forest that surrounded the cabin. Taking one, you left it propped against your step before you went inside to place them in water. When you glanced back out about an hour later, the single daffodil was gone. --------------------time skip ------------ You gasped for air as you stumbled through the woods. It was dark and raining heavily. this couldn’t be happening again. The blood that covered your hands was mixed with wet dirt from where you had fallen a couple of times. Pamela Voorhees was dead. You gasped for air. Not another one. Not someone else you loved. You had just been in time to see that bitch councillor swing an axe and take her head off her shoulder. You screamed out in anguish as you watched the last person you had allowed yourself to love be killed. Killed. A rage took over you as you ran at the girl, taking her to the ground and punching her in the face. When she tried to swing the axe at you, you grabbed it and ripped in from her hands, straddling her torso and bringing the blade down into her skull one, two, three, four times. You began to lose count. Finally, you pulled yourself up and stumbled back from the murders, eventually running into the woods. sobbing, you ended up catching your shoulder on a tree and you fell to the ground in a wreck. Everything around you was collapsing again, and there was nothing you could do about it. You screamed in vain as you tried to relieve the pressure that rested heavily on your chest. Pushing yourself to your feet, you took a deep breath, trying to get it straight in your mind what you would do next. but you just broke into sobs that wrecked through your whole body. Until, you heard something move in front of you. Your head snaps up and you freeze. about seven foot away from you stood a man. He was tall, reaching at least six feet and maybe 6 inches tall compared to your smaller height. He towered over you and yet, he seemed scared of you. He wore a sack over his face, the moon showing a single eye hole for him to see out of. It looked like the type of thing Jason would wear. Jason. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t be alive. looking away, your eyes closed as tears flooded your eyes again. “You cant be him.” You breathed, more to yourself than to the man. You heard him coming closer and you opened your eyes again to see him holding out something to you. You looked into his large palm and saw two things that made your heart jump into your throat. In his palm was the head of a daffodil, like the one you left out a few days ago. And around it was a purple and blue faded friendship bracelet. You raise your right hand, the very same one on your wrist. The one he had given to you, which meant that was the one that you had given to Jason. While your wrists hadn’t got that much bigger, he had grown massively, so the thought of him carrying around your friendship bracelet with him all this time. It could only be him. A smile dawned your lips as a fresh spark of hope went through your body. “J-Jason?” You looked up as you step closer. Your heart was hammering and your blood racing. You didn’t know how much more you could take tonight. A single nod was enough to send you over the edge as you collapse to the floor unconscious. -------------------time skip ----------------------------------- When you woke up, you had been carried back to your bed and tucked in. From the moment you woke up, you had felt that spark of hope once again. This was different. Even after your parents past, you knew Pamela might still be around. But you never thought for a moment that Jason might still be alive. The first few weeks, you didn’t really see him again but you understood. While he knew who you were, he didn’t know you. But that didn’t stop him staying close to you. The disappearances of the councillors was investigated and decided it had been one of the guys who was unstable. Said guy was at the bottom of the lake but the police think he is on the run. Even Pamela’s murder was made up to him rather than the girl and then you. You were given a miss because you had been in town during one of the murders and people had said it couldn’t have been you. Plus they doubted you could take a woman’s head off. Pamela was buried next to the empty grave of Jason’s. She was given a nice send off like you had done you own parents. You had seen Jason’s figure by her grave a few times but left him. But his presents became known more and more. When you walked through, he forest, he would follow you at a distance. It was nice and calming, knowing this great beast of a man was protecting you. It made you shiver at the thought. today, you had decided to try and lure him closer for the first time. It was his birthday today. You knew and remembered every year. But this year, you had bought him a few little things from town as well as painting him a portrait of his mother which had come out perfectly in your eyes. You planned to bring him back later but, for now, you wanted to wash up. It was a warm day and, for the first time since you were a child, you wanted to take a dip in the cool water of a lake. taking a towel, shampoo and conditioner and changing into a bathing suit and putting a summer dress over your suite you had picked up from town, you went to the lake which was about a ten minute walk from your home. Placing your things near the water, you pulled your dress over your head and slipped off your sandals. Walking slowly into the water, you smiled at the feeling of the fresh water on your skin. You walked out till the water came up to your chest and ducked under the water. When wet, you went back to the shore and grabbed your shampoo and conditioner to wash your hair out. Once done, you thought about getting back out, but then you looked out over the sparkling lake and you wanted to swim for a while. Going back out to your waist, you slowly started to swim. You kept close to the bank, having not swum in years but you found it was like riding a bike. Your body still knew what to do. You ducked your head under the water to wet your hair again. Coming up, your hair fanned out around you in the water and you felt nice and cool in the hot sun. twisting in the water, you floated on your back with closed eyes. Then you felt something was off. Opening your eyes, you glanced to the bank and saw Jason. he was pacing the bank desperately. He tried to come into the water but only got the water to his ankles and he moved back. You could see how tense he was and how desperate he was looking at you. He was scared. Twisting back to your front, you started to swim back to him. “jason, its fine. Im fine.” You call out to him but that didn’t calm him. When you were able to reach the bottom, you stood up and started to walk out of the water. You thought of running, but then you imagined yourself falling over and him freaking out even more. When you were up to your knees, you saw Jason charge into the water. You reached out for him, thinking he would just take your hand and lead you out. But he didn’t. He wrapped his arms around you and swept you up into his arms. You couldn’t help but laugh at the feeling as he pulled you out the water. But you could feel how hard his heart was hammering in his chest. He was really worrying. He was panting and his whole body seemed to tremble as he looked up at you. Once on the bank, he set you down and looked you over for any sign of injury. “Im fine.” You smile, reaching out and taking his hand, as you often did when you were children. He froze, looking down at your smaller hand in his own. You notice his green jacket was now partially wet from picking you up. You suddenly felt a little exploded in your swimwear. Ducking down, you picked up your towel and wrapped in round your torso, smiling at Jason as you did so. The you grabbed your dress and, after quickly drying yourself off, you pulled it over your swimming costume. Sure, it stuck a little because you were still a little wet, but you thought it was better to show him you were okay. you glanced down and realised that during his pacing, he had knocked one of your sandals forward into the water. “Damn.” You whispered, darting down and picking up your now soaked slipper. But before you could consider what you were going to do, you were swept up into his strong arms once again. He didn’t both picking up your shampoo, conditioner or soggy slipper, but you didn’t mind as he started to carry you back into the woods. He lifted you so you were perched on his shoulder, his arm wrapped security around your legs. You smiled at the action, feeling like you weighed next to nothing. You placed your hand on the other side of his bagged head to steady yourself. You could feel his malformed skull under the bag as he tensed under your touch, glancing up to you. But you just smiled, looking in front of you both as Jason turned back to watch where he was walking. When you reached your home, Jason slid you off his shoulders. You had left the door unlocked but as you padded up onto your porch, Jason stayed back. You opened your front door and were about to go inside until you realised he wasn’t following you. He had stopped at the stairs, looking down at them as if he was scared to step up. Turing back, you leaned against your door. “Jason?” You called to him. “Do you want to come inside?” Jason paused, staring at you like you were some kind of angel before nodding and slowly climbing the stairs. Once he was close enough, you reached out and took his hand, dragging him inside like you use to do when you were children. Once inside, you turned to him, your eyes falling on the mask which felt a little like a brick wall now between the both of you. “Could, could you take it off?” you asked, your eyes darting to the bottom of the bag over his face. You saw his whole body tense and he took a step back from you, his eye moving to the floor. Hunched over on him self, he shook his head. you considered leaving him, but something drove you to push him a little. “You know I never cared when we were younger. Why would I now?” You duck your head a little and he glances up at you. When he meets your gaze, you smiled softly. He took a few deep breaths and shakes his head again. You felt your heart break a little because he no longer trusted you. That bond was broken. Looking away from him, you blink back tears. You thought that when he finally came to you and spent time with you that it wouldn’t be a problem just like when you were children. Maybe he thought you were like the ones who had hurt him as a child. The thought made your heart ache because you loved him. You loved him. The realisation dawned on you as you realised why you were so drawn to him. That child like love you had felt had exposed since you had seen him that night in the rain. You thought your heart raced when you saw him because you were excited to see your oldest friend, but that wasn’t the only reason. You loved him deeply, whole heartedly and eternally. You hadn’t realised it but your tears were running down your cheek. Jason moved forward, taking a hesitant step towards you. He didn’t realise your tears were something more than just you bring upset. They were part of a complex hurricane of emotions. But he didn’t see that. He thought it was purely because he had refused your request. you looked up, your eyes wide with tears as he reached up and started to draw the bag up slowly. ��Don’t.” you blurt out, holding out your hands to stop him. “Don’t do it if you aren’t ready. You can wait until you trust me.” He looked out of the one eye hole and you felt like he was looking into your sole. The intensity coming from him was overpowering before he continued to raise his shaking hands to his bag. Slowly, he pulled the bag up over his face and off his head. He refused to meet your gaze once his face was revealed, instead his gaze fell to the floor like he was ashamed or embarrassed. But you couldn’t pry your eyes away from his face. His face had matured immensely since you had last seen him. His skull was bald and misshapen but he barley had any hair when you had known him. His right eye was sunken a little and not in line with his left and his nose was a little flatter than normal. His cheeks had small indents and dips. His mouth seemed to droop at the side but you couldn’t tell if it was him controlling that. But to you, he was ever so handsome. He wasn’t the boy you remembered. His new height, strength and muscles compared with his matured features was enough to drive you mad. Then you realised he was waiting for you to do something. He had glanced up to you but when he met your gaze, he dropped it again, a soft whine leaving his lips. It broke you. Walking up to him, you reached up and cupped his cheeks. He moved his face up so his eyes met yours. Moving closer, you press your lips to his in a soft kiss. One of your hands ran down his cheek to rest on his broad chest which you could feel his heart hammering under his shirt. After a moment, a shiver ran through his body and his hands grabbed your waist as he slowly responded to your kiss, moving his lips against yours. You could feel how he trembled under your touch but responded so eagerly to your affection. You pulled back to gasp for air before feeling him lean forward to retrieve another kiss as if it was his new source of air. Your hand slips to the back of his head, running down to his neck, keeping him close. Your body was pressed against his own, his height dwarfing you but you felt like you were both equality as dominating in the kiss. You were glad because you were scared it might intimidate him but he seemed just as eager as you were. When you parted, you were both panting. Your cheeks were a dark red from a deep blush as you looked up at Jason. He was breathing heavily staring down at you in surprise. Then he collapsed to his knees in front of you, his hands grabbing your waist as he presses his forehead against your stomach. It took you a moment to fully realise what had happened just because your head was still spinning from the kiss. He was on his knees after he had received his first kiss from you. Looking down, you might have thought he was frightened but then he looked up at you. In his eyes, you saw he adored you and was staring up at you with awe. There was tears in his eyes but his lips were pulled into a smile. You dropped down in front of him, sitting across his lap as his arms engulfed you once again. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, burying your face in his neck and holding him close as he mirrored your affections. You pressed soft kissed to his neck whenever you could. Suddenly, you remembered the small items you had gathered for him. “Oh, I almost forgot.” You scrambled out of his lap and darted to the side, grabbing the wrapped items. When you came back to him, you kneeled in front of him, presenting them to Jason. “Happy birthday.” You smiled, seeing something that reminded you of surprise in his eyes. His hands, still shaking from before, took the presents. Slowly and without even ripping the paper, he opened each in turn. With each one, his smile grew wider until he got to the portrait of his mother. His smile faltered and fell as tears welled in his eyes. you moved closer to him, wrapping you arms around him. you allowed him to take as much time as he needed before he turned to you. His arms locked around you as he silently thanked you again and again. Her portrait was hung up on your wall, right beside your own parents wedding photos. After she were hung up, you pulled Jason to your sofa, sitting with him on your sofa. That night, he stayed the whole time with you, answering your questions as best he could and asking his own through a note pad. You fell asleep on his shoulder and he didn’t move you, instead wrapping his own arms around you and lying with you till morning. --------------------time skip --------------------- Since that first kiss, Jason never left your side. the only reason he left you was if someone came too close to the camp and he would rush off to protect you. Sometimes you would follow him to try help. He would be annoyed with you for putting yourself in trouble but then you showed you could handle yourself and he would relax a little more. “Can you come on a walk with me?” You ask, as you meet Jason on the porch of your home. He ha just come back and was slightly bloody, but you didn’t mind that. you could see the smile even though he now wore a old hockey mask. You much preferred this to the bag. Jumping down the stairs, you took Jason by the hand and led him into the woods. It was late afternoon and the sun was starting to set in over the lake. You had been waiting for him to get back for a few hours. Of course, Jason would do absolutely anything for you, regardless of what it was. As you walked, you looked down at your intertwined hands, your heart skipping as you saw how truly bigger he was than you. How his hands could rip people in half, had killed people, and yet he was so gentle with you. His touches were sometimes filled with fear, like he was afraid he would break you. Looking up at Jason, he glanced over and caught your eyes. You smiled sweetly at him, being truly happy for the first time in a long long time. Jason ducked down, lifting you up and placing you daintily on his shoulders, as he had done so many times before. You giggled, allowing your fingers to trail over the back of his neck and sides of his head. leaning down, you press a soft kiss to the top of his head. Jason froze, but not from your affection. No, he heard someone moving in front of you both. He lowered you to the ground, cautiously before pulling out his machete which he carried on his belt. “I’ll head down to the lake. Come find me when your ready.” You smile, reaching out to run your fingers over his forearm before walking away. Less than 10 minutes and a scream later, Jason found you by the river. You had taken off your shoes and socks to dip your feet in the cooling water. When you heard him approaching, you turned to see him over your shoulder and you couldn’t help but smile. Jason froze. The image of you, beautiful and perfect, with the crystal blue water and setting sun in the background made his heart stop. He never dared to join you in the water, but he was no longer completely fearful you might be swallowed by the water. you moved out of the water to him, taking his hand in yours and pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. in that moment, everything was perfect in both your eyes and his.

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

CHATS: More Dumpsters, More Fires 1

#1 - This is my oldest chat recorded between Anna and Jo, and I believe it is after the Grey+Anna Alleyway scene and the Ruby+Anna hospital scene

<Anna> *several voice mails asking for a Jo Harvelle on the behalf of an Anna Milton a patient at _______ hospital*

<Jo> *Kicking and swearing, Jo takes a few minutes to consider just not going before heading out to the car and driving towards where the messages say, glad it’s not five states away or something. When she gets there theres talk about her having selfharmed in the hospital as well as the state she was found in. Asking for some privacy, Jo slips into the room* “What the fuck did you do?”

<Anna> *Anna’s still groggy from surgery, a stab wound to abdomen and the best words the doctors could describe it was mutitaltion to the ankle. She blinks at Jo, padded cuffs around her wrists.* “Jo..” *Before Anna can say anything else a doctor comes in explaining that she was found on the streets unresponsive and then after she was brought in she went through the medical supplies, two scalpels found*

<Jo> *Jo nods along looking between Anna and where the medical supplies were, looking unimpressed before following the normal dance with doctors, nodding and making the appropriate sincere faces and distressed looks before going to the other woman’s side and touching just above her wrist like a concerned friend should as they talked before the doctor left at a page* “Hey Anna. So.. what happened?”

<Anna> *Anna’s eyes follow the doctor as he walks out and she looks at Jo. She’s drugged good, between pain meds and others to keep her calm she just swallows several times before answering* “Didn’t do this, please believe me..please..”

<Jo> “Never thought you’d be fucked up enough to.” *Jo sighs, hooking her foot around the leg of a visiting chair and sitting down* “Who did?”

<Anna> “Ruby..” *Anna tries to lift her head up but she doesn’t get very far as the motion makes her sick.* “Thought she would kill me..”

<Jo> *Giving a look around, Jo stands up again drawing the curtain and closing the blinds before coming back to the bed and working on Anna’s wrist bands* “Let me guess, you’d somehow gotten yourself stuck in here with whatever fainting spell you had and then Ruby came for a little revenge.”

<Anna> *Anna just nods afraid to mention anything about Grey just yet, she doens’t want Jo to get pissed off and leave her hear.* “Thought, she kill me, Crowley couldn’t get to anyone, Gray could kill her..everyone better off.”

<Jo> “Bullshit. That dickhead would go insane or completely crumple, nodboy would be better off in either of those situations.” *Jo tries to keep her tone lighter than the subject needed, knowing it would probably work best to avoid thinking about just how serious Anna’s words really were* “Nothing good comes from dying, I know first hand from both sides of the coin.”

<Anna> “Your death gave them reason to keep fighting.” *The cuffs being removed was something simple but it made her feel better, helped the anxiety, or maybe it was the drugs, she couldn’t tell.*  "Always the one people will fight for, better of us.“

<Jo> "Yeah yeah, you believe that if you wish. Everyone would have fought anyway, and having people die doesn’t make anyone better off.” *Waving off the comments, Jo sits back down in her chair, leaning forward, elbows resting on her knees as she look down towards Anna’s feet and raising an eyebrow at the other one* “So, if Ruby did all the big bad injuries, what landed you here in the first place?”

<Anna> *Anna’s numb from the knee down, a local block given, she’s not aware of the thick bandages covering leg from the knee down and the split keeping her ankle still. They hadn’t actually operated on it, wanting to call in a specialist with so much damage done to the tendons and nerves.* “I don’t remember..” *Anna bites her lip, wincing as she feels one of the busted spots crack open*

<Jo> “You were found unconcious just lying in an alleyway, that doesn’t sound like something normal for you Anna - though who knows, you’ve changed a fair bit recently.” *Still looking at the comparratively small amount of injury to one foot compared to the almost mumified existance of the other, Jo raises an eyebrow as she wonders just what Ruby did* “If you tell me nicely, I’ll actually get you out rather than just sweet talk you to being transfered back to Duluth.”

<Anna> “May have passed out from not eating, felt weak and dizzy..” *Anna lies, Jo will find the truth out later but she doesn’t want her to leave her or have her transfered somewhere else*

<Jo> “That the truth?” *Jo sighs, figuring that the food thing was partly her own fault if that was the case and swallows down a lump in her throat before pinning Anna with a look*

<Anna> *Anna looks away, it’s the medication she tells herself, that’s whats wrong as she feels herself close to crying under Jo’s look.* “Rest..may have been Grey, doesn’t see me as human but not worth killing..”

<Jo> *Blinking in disbelief for a second, Jo slaps a hand to her forehead before moving away, ducking out int the corridor for a few minutes before coming back in wheeling a wheelchair* “When we get back to Duluth I’ll call your brother to come and fix you, you just keep talking while I help get you changed. What the fuck happened in that alley, Anna?” *Jo starts pulling out spare clothes from her bag*

<Anna> “Ran into him, ran my mouth, exchanged insults, who was the worst.” *Anna laugh some as Jo helps her into a shirt, and she blinks seeing herself as she’s raised up, her middle hurts now that she’s moving.* “I bring out the worst in everyone.”

<Jo> “Didnt bring any skirts, so you’re going to have to wear a shirt across your lap like its a skirt until we get to the car.” *Jo mumbles under her breath, tugging her own shirt off as it might actuall pass a a hideous skirt and pulls on the shirt of Anna’s folded up nearby before shoving the others jeans in her bag and giving Anna an almost pissed off look* “You upset him enough he almost drained you? /What were you thinking?!/”

<Anna> *Anna whimpers as Jo puts her in the wheelchair, reaching over and pulling out the IV from her arm* “I was thinking if Gray had someone to kill for my death he would eventually move on instead of if I killed myself.”

<Jo> “And trying to set him on his brother is a real smart idea, given he got a taste of what you got the last time he came too close.” *Jo  literally wants to hit her head at Anna’s thinking, though getting her into the chair was hard enough and figuring out how to get her out of the hospital was going to be just as tricky with the white bandages* “Your dying, in any way, isnt going to save him Anna.”

<Anna> “You’ve said this..and what other time? I haven’t seen Gray in nearly a week. I took off after I trapped Ruby, hoping Crowley would take her as a peace offering..didn’t work it seems.”  *Anna holds up her arm so Jo can cut the bracelet off* “Maybe they will think I’ve been released or just going out for air..”

<Jo> “Nothing Anna. Its nothing. And that is a fucking inteligent move there you know, trap a demon and hope its a benefit. Especially when one of them is working /with/ the rest of us to get rid of Master Asshole.” *Jo cuts the wrist band off quickly, slinging her bag over her back and starts at a sedate pace towards the enterance, noticing the name of a different woman whose family was crowded around her, packing her bags as she’s obviously meaning to be discharged hoping to get there long before the others* “We’ll see.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t say anything as they walk out, the nurses busy helping the other woman. Going over after care and instructions while unhooking her from the monitors and fluids. They get to the elevator and as they go down Anna sags, letting out a breath. “I’m sorry..”

<Jo> *Jo gives a small snort, figuring that if nothing else the way Anna was almost drained and still out of it there was going to be some sort of fun come getting back to Duluth and her obviously missing monster* “What for? Your sheer idiocy? The fact you provoked my.. Grey to that sort of point? Or that I had to be the one to drive all this way to get you?”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs weakly as they go out to the parking lot, feeling better out of the hospital.* “For not changing my contact infromation?”

<Jo> “Don’t bother, I think it’s safer for everyone if I get the calls really.” *Jo shakes her head pushing the chair quickly as possible, not really caring about jolting it, across the carpark towards the back section where her cars parked* “What did you end up saying that got the /both/ of them to get you like this, Anna?”

<Anna> *Gripping the arm of the wheelchair as Jo pushes it roughly she gasps as it hits a hard bump before coming to the car* “A lot..whatever I could to piss them off. Not enough it seems.” *She’s panting when she tries to push herself up, she can start to feel her leg again and it’s not something she really wants too but she figures the pain is deserved.*

<Jo> *Jerking the passenger side door open, Jo leans in to shove the bag into the back before slipping an arm under Anna’s arms and lifting and tries to maneuver her into the seat as painlessly as possible* “This suicide wish is just going to make things worse for your monster, you know. Especially if someone presents it the /bad/ way to him - like you’d rather be dead than with him.”

<Anna> *Anna is breathing hard by the time she’s in the car, her head leaning back against the seat as Jo slams the door shut, once Jo gets in Anna looks at her.* “I made him weak..I’ve hurt him, made it so Grey can kill him..Crowley uses me against him.. it’s no more than what I deserve and he’s better off without me.”

<Jo> *Starting the engine, Jo pulls out and speeds off along the roads nearby towards the interstate before turning her head to look at Anna with a frown* “He’ll crumple without you, he and Grey aren’t too different in that aspect - your one is just a lot dumber. He’ll destroy himself going after things bigger than himself, kinda like you, rather than just turn his back like Grey will. You’re just goin' to get him killed getting yourself killed. Crowley won’t be an issue for too long - everyones workin’ together now, we’ll figure a way to get rid of him, and as for Grey being able to kill him, so long as he stays the fuck away from me and Grey your little fucker is safe enough from /him/.”

<Anna> “He’ll be fine without me.. I’m the one that needs protecting and crap. I’m the liability.” *Anna leans the seat back trying to find some position that doesn’t hurt, she’s lucky she guesses that the missed everything vital but the one in her leg was reminding her it ws still there.* “Grey was right in everything he said. And your right..Gray and I are too much alike. Too much pride.”

<Jo> “He’ll die. And you’re going to realise that right when you cant trn back from this crazy ass deathwish you’ve got going on.” *Jo says blankly, almost sounding gleeful when she starts her comments though it tones down as soon as she starts the second sentence.* “…What’d he say?”

<Anna> “Then why don’t you just kill me now, get both of us out of your way. You want him dead it’s no secret and I’m blind to him because we fuck..” *Anna snaps closing her eyes, the car ride making her feel sick again, the feeling of being useless making her feel crazy*

<Jo> “Because, I am not going to be the one that /can/ kill him if he’s after me for murdering you. Like I say, get the fuck over it Anna, your dying is not going to help or make things better, so just get the fuck over it.” *Jo snarls back pressing the pedal to the floor to try and make the trip as short as possible even though she knows its not going to help much*

<Anna> “Why did you come get me..should have just left me.” *Closing her eyes she tries to shut out everything, including the vibrations of the engine going right through her leg*

<Jo> *Jo sighs and hits a fist against the steering wheel as she over takes a few cars before replying* “Because I had to.”

<Anna> *Anna flinches and looks over at Jo* “Well I’m out, just pull over and leave me somewhere and you don’t "have to” ever again. I’m sure Grey will be pissed at you coming after me. One of us with a pissed off monster is enough.“

<Jo> "You don’t get it.” *Giving a shake of her head, Jo sends Anna a look with a very small smile* “As for having pissed off guys, I think you’d be much worse off than me.”

<Anna> “No I don’t..from anyone, or maybe I do. I don’t know anymore.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair looking out the window.* “Grey has a side to him that’s closer to Gray than I realized.”

<Jo> “Having to do something doesn’t mean you don’t want to. I owe you, and regardless of what I might say to some people, you’re still my friend so…” *Jo gives a shrug before looking at Anna curiously, a small frown tugging at her lips* “You forgot that yours /came/ from him. Grey is the original, and as much and as different as he is, he can be just as cruel and.. yeah, as the other.”

<Anna> “I told him that he couldn’t stand himself, that the better bits tossed him out like trash..” *Wiping her eyes she curls up against the door, her arms wrapped around herself.* “Maybe I’m delusional because I’m fucking Gray but he isn’t all bad..”

<Jo> *Jo snorts at Annas comments, knowing just how easily a reaction that could have gotten* “You shouldn’t go pokin people with sticks Anna. Especially when theyre not what they seem - Grey’s perfectly calm and lovely and stuff unless someone provokes him, that’s what /all/ of you seem to forget.” *Sighing, she shoots Anna a look and almost laughs aloud* “Yeah, I think the delusional is more likely.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t say anything, she’s quiet for a long time as they drive and when she does all the exhaustion comes through her voice* “I seperated them, Gray feeding on me, letting him but he’s never come close to doing what Grey did, even when he still saw me as just a toy. I cut Grey with iron, across the stomach, ironic that Ruby stabs me. I don’t hate Grey, I just hate how he thinks being meek makes him good.”

<Jo> “Its not that he’s meek, Anna, he’s just.. staying under the radar. Though there are a few, er, situations where I know exactly what you mean where I swear to fuck I’d rather him man up and take it like the rest of us rather than what he /does/ do - but, I don’t know.. that’s changing it seems.” *Jo looks straight out the front window, zooming past a few more cars in the second lane* “The iron is what made him snap. It’s a touchy thing with them, and as for the feeding, I know what you mean. Impulse control is kind of unfairly balanced to your monster. Its kind of really dangerous these days…”

<Anna> “Gray is far more controlled. He rages and destroys but it’s controlled. Grey snaps and it’s a runaway train till it runs out of steam. More dangerous. He fed off me before, at the hospital after the wreck, he told me about me and Gray and I grabbed him on the arm or something and he didn’t have control.” *Anna breathes slowly trying to ignore the fact the nerve block is gone now.*

<Jo> “Yeah, I know he told me bout that. The snapping is.. it can get scary sometimes. Then there’s the times you’re upset and it happens.” *Jo keeps her tone even, looking across at Anna when she hears the almost laboured breathing* “Ive got some heavy duty painkillers in the glove box but theres nothing we can do until we get back to Duluth about anything else, Anna. Just try not to pass out on me.”

<Anna> *Anna cringes at the idea of pills but then a bump on the road makes her see stars and she reaches over, fumbling with the glove box and she takes out the bottle, looking at it before opening and pouring out two into hand.* “What do you see in Grey?”

<Jo> *Jo looks apologetically when she sees Anna react to the suggestion and then the bump, slowing down slightly and keeping a closer look out for any jolts on the road. Anna’s question makes her frown, shootign her a look before looking straight again* “What do /you/ see in Gray?”

<Anna> *dry swallowing the pills Anna gives Jo a look as she puts the pills back in the glove box, swallowing a few more times trying to get them unstuck from her throat.* “I asked you first.”

<Jo> *Jo reaches an arm behind her blindly, fiddlng about for a few moments before producing a rather beaten looking water bottle for her, though she doubts anyone would want to drink from it if they had a choice* “Fine. He’s nice, we have similar interests in non-work related things, he doesn’t give me too much shit about stuff or rather not the little stuff - man will really ride you about the bigger things though. We just get along is all. Now you.”

<Anna> *Taking the warm bottle of water, Anna questions how long it’s been in the car and she has to choke it down and wait to make sure the plastic tasting liquid isn’t going to come back up before she speaks.* “He changed, it went from being possessive to caring. Gray is protective, loving in private. When it’s us, his attention is just on me and it’s passionate, I’m just me. We fight sure, had some good ones but I’m learning to not be so stubborn with him.”

<Jo> “Why do I get the feeling your fights would be more likely to be more Mr and Mrs Smith than Sid and Nancy?” *Jo is suprised when Anna drinks but figures she would in her situation too, finding Anna’s words hard to believe given she knew first hand how stubborn and proud the both of them were but figures neither has killed the other yet so it must be something different*

<Anna> *Anna laughs and then whimpers when Jo makes the comment about the fights. “I locked him in the bedroom with iron. All he had to do was take something and move it. Stubborn ass destroyed teh room instead of moving it.” *Anna leans back looking at Jo.* “I can see Grey nagging you and how well that goes over. How many times have you stormed out on him?”

<Jo> *Jo gives a snort of laughter at the description, breezing past another car before shaking her head* “Brawn over brains, Gray is. As for nagging and storming out, me and Grey aren’t.. neither of us really comment on what the other is up to. He does his.. hunting, and I do mine. The most is a ‘be safe’, 'call me if you’re in trouble’ and a disapproving look if I try to head out while still injured”

<Anna> “No wonder you like him. I’m glad you seem happy with him.” *The pain killers are starting to kick in and she leans the seat back a bit more. The hopsital probably doped her good but she’s relaxed and it feels nice to talk to Jo like this again. “So out of them, who is the better one in bed?”

<Jo> “Because he doesn’t bitch about what I do or don’t do? As for.. it’s just a friends thing, or a mostly friends thing. Once again, it’s weird.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder, looking over at Anna in shock at her question, letting out a laugh seeing how much clamer she seems* “Why do you wanna know? You’re not going to be trading up if I say the one you’re not with are you?”

<Anna> *Anna snorts, her eyes closed* “Grey wouldnt piss on me if I was on fire. Just curious because like you said they are the same  monster, talking dirty is a kink or maybe it’s just because I’m supposed to be pure.”

<Jo> “You know.. I can’t actually disagree with the on fire part.” *Smiling and shaking her head, Jo looks forward as she considers what Anna said* “I think the easiest way to describe it is one is a hard, rough fuck that I felt sore, dirty and spent after, while the other is more giving and treats me better even if he will pull on my hair and dig in his nails. The dirty talk I think is both though..”

<Anna> “I think it helps I like the hard rough fuck and he likes making me feel dirty and spent. Still waiting for Castiel to say something about what he heard while at the apartment.” *Swallowing Anna opens her eyes tryin to tell how far off they are.* “Where are we going?”

<Jo> “That would be awkward a conversation if I ever heard one. I always thought I liked that sort myself but..” *Jo flicks a look across to Anna before glancing about and spotting a road sign* “We’re not far off. Going back to Duluth, unless you want me to drop you on Bobby and Mom instead.”

<Anna> “No. Last thing they need is an angry monster destroying Bobby’s place.” *Closing her eyes again she tries to get comfortable again.* “Do you love him?”

<Jo> “Home it is then. I’d offer you a place at mine if you were trying for a runaway, except someone’s boytoy destroyed one of the bedrooms.” *Frowning, Jo rolls her shoulders awkwardly, pressing the gas harder unintentionally* “Love him how?”

<Anna> *Anna breathes in as Jo guns the gas* “How? You’re the human, you understand love better than me or you are supposed to. Could you see yourself living with him for the rest of your life?”

<Jo> “Well theres lots of types of love, Anna..” *She mumbles back, letting go of the wheel with one hand to scratch the back of her neck before slowing off the pedal again* “I could, it’d be pretty easy to, yeah. Why can you with Gray?”

<Anna> “I could. Of course now he might not want too but well if he leaves now, its for the best.” *Resting her head against the window she tightens her arms around her and she hopes the ride is over soon.* “I feel alive with him and it’s everything I didn’t feel as an angel.”

<Jo> “Number one problem with being human, can’t just switch bodies no matter how mutilated and malformed and broken we get.” *Jo sighs, sending Anna a look and figuring that even if Cas were upset with her he’d fix her, or she could always see if she couldn’t swing a favor from Gabriel in exchange for what information she got from Cas about the spell* “You sound like an adrenaline junkie.”

<Anna> “Not talking about that, I thought Crowley branding me would turn him away, it makes him angry but it hasn’t stopped him from touching me.” *Anna doesn’t voice that this is what she deserves and she’s afraid of Ruby repeating it if it’s healed, she’s not sure she wants to ever go through that again. “You would know about that wouldnt you.”

<Jo> “So he’ll accept having someone elses name written all over you, but won’t accept you not being able to walk? I’d think he’d find the appeal of your not being able to run off an advantage.” *Jo tries for joking as she realises theyre getting nearer town as the few recognisable houses start popping up before shooting Anna a look* “I am not that bad. Sorta.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t respond, she’s slumped against the door, arms laying limp in her lap. She’s passed out from a combination of drugs and pain.*

<Jo> *Jo sighs realising Anna’s fallen asleep and considering how to get her into the apartment when she gets back to the bar, but opts instead to park near the back and pray to god she’s left the workbed in the room downstairs made - figuring she’d hang around and keep an eye on her until either Anna woke up or Gray showed his head, maybe even play with a few things she remembers leaving behind*

#2 - Anna bitching at Jo for Jo saying she should be the one tactically to test the traps for Crowley

<Anna> Jo is really annoying anna

<Jo> Glad Im not the only one

<Anna> LOL

<Anna> Anna’s just sorta twitching

<Jo> Because she’s being cavalier (fuck is that the word I want? goddamn) or..?

<Anna> that and the whole “you have  more to live for”

<Anna> anna is looking around going..wtf are you seeing that i’m not

<Anna> because..i have a monster

<Anna> and some pissed off siblings

<Anna> and..yea

<Anna> also it’s going back to the whole thing she was ranting at Gray about..fine she’s about shit useless now in a fight but she still knows stuff and Jo is just totally taking that away from her and making her feel shit useless in every way lol

<Jo> *nodnod* That one came out of left field but I think Jo’s kind of gone ‘Taking the monsters out of the equation, youre the one holding the damn building up over these strays and misfits heads, your keeping your crazy brother focussed and honestly more useful being where you are and being able to share what you know. Sure Mom and Bobby and maybe Sam and Dean would be sad if I disappeared, but its

<Jo> not like theyre going to crash and burn’

<Anna> also anna thinks jo ability to plan is bordering on idiodic

<Jo> LOL just a tad

<Anna> it’s totally messing with her angel leader ocd

<Jo> But sometimes the dumbest move will work the best is what she’s thinking. Charging straight in sometimes works cause no one expects anyone to be that goddamn dumb

<Anna> and that whole no one would miss me….“THIS IS NOT A FUCKING CARTOON JO! STOP WATCHING DEANS JAPANESE PORN!”

<Anna> well I’m awake now after that just went screaming through my head

<Jo> “I DONT WATCH CARTOON PORN! HAVE YOU NOT SEEN STAR WARS? NO ONE WOULD GO WALKING RIGHT THROUGH IN THOSE SUITS EXCEPT THE DUMBEST FUCKS IN THE WORLD AND IT WORKED!”    Dammit Anna

<Anna> “I’m starting to see Lucifer’s frustration of why you humans are the favored species.”

<Jo> “Because we realise sometimes people really don’t plan for the morons of the world? Theres a reason the evil geniuses are always foiled, and its because they think everyone is as smart as them.”

<Anna> *Anna just walks away*

<Jo> Clever woman

<Anna> she’s muttering about she’s glad you and dean never hooked up..the world couldn’t handle teh stupidity that would be your kids with both parents thinking this is valid logic

<Jo> *dead*

<Jo> Jo’d like to rebutt that with how headstrong Anna and Dean’s kids would be if Anna’d not juiced up right after.

<Anna> “headstrong but clever is better than headstron and dumb.”

<Anna> “at least with me thrown in the mix the kids would have a 50/50 chance of having brains.”

<Jo> “But a 100% chance of some seriously screwed up morals and values.”

<Anna> “I would take that over stupidity.”

<Jo> “Neither me nor Dean is that damn dumb. We just appreciate logic differently.”

<Anna> *Anna twitching visibly* “NONE OF THIS IS LOGIC, IT’S GOING IN BLIND HOPING FOR THE BEST. IT’S STUPID AND ILL PREPARED. ”

<Anna> she’s beating her head on the wall

<Anna> this is new

<Jo> “Well let me put it to you like this, would you expect someone to be dumb enough to call you into a place filled with altered, untested traps and hope for the best if you were Crowley? Or would it catch you off guard?”

<Jo> LOL

<Anna> “No because unlike Crowley if I was the one with the power I would have never allowed any of you to live to begin with.”

<Jo> “And what is logical about his approaches at all then? If he’s being illogical, then it only makes sense for me to be too!”

<Anna> “No he’s arrogant. Like Uriel was.”

<Jo> “Whatever, my plan would work for a bit. Enough to test some. And might be amusing enough to get me away”

<Jo> (  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pFVx058IVsI   )

<Anna> “Let me ask you this, say your plan doesn’t work. Say none of them hold him, which tehre is a high chance that happens and you get yourself killed. You just gave it away that everyone including angels are working against him and he’s going to go on a killing spree afterwards. You just totally wrecked everyone else’s chance at stopping him.”

<Jo> “Oh like he doesn’t know that already. And honestly, it wouldnt be far fetched that I would come up with a stupid idea like that and not know what I was writing.”

<Anna> ……………………. “There isn’t enough alcohol for this conversation in the world or your lack of logic.”

<Jo> (“He’s too big” *dies* Oh Alona)

<Anna> lol

<Jo> “Sure sure, maybe I just have a deathwish this time around. You know all about those.”

<Jo> (drat now shes being pissy)

<Anna> (oh this isn’t going to be good.)

<Jo> (nope. bad places fast. drat)

<Anna> “My death makes sense. I created most of this mess and it serves a purpose. You, wanting to die is an excuse because you can’t handle living again. You want a cowards way out diguised as a noble purpose.”

<Jo> “You say you created most of it, if we backtrack a bit who put any of us on Crowley’s radar at all? Who went and pissed all over his little game? Who honestly has the most responsibility here? And haven’t you heard, that’s what I do. I do something stupid and I get my ass killed. Maybe I don’t like what the world is, but is it so bad to want a death that does something - even if its not this one?”

<Anna> “You sound like a child whining. You treat like like a broken toy, instead of dealing with teh fact it isn’t what you thought or wanted, you finish breaking it to the point it’s worthless and has to be thrown away and then you whine and throw a tantrum about it.”

<Jo> “Oh yes, because I’m exactly like that. You’ve got me all figured out Anna, how right you are. Just like always.”

<Anna> *Anna just stares at her not arguing anymore*

<Jo> “…. At least if I died someone other than a monster would actually /care/ rather than just be put out and lose a source of information.”   (I apologise. So much. I think Anna hit a little close to home with the 'cowards way out’ comment)

<Anna> *Anna smirks* “See I was right, there is more to loose by your death over mine.”

<Jo> “There are more /feelings/ to be hurt. It’s different to loosing someone who can be useful and more good in the long run staying alive.” *Jo scowls slightly back*

<Anna> “Sorry Jo, you just validated your own life over mine, which I had been saying all along. I’ll be the one to test the traps.” *Anna picks up her notebook leaving*

#3 - When Gray and Anna split up the first time, this is how Anna disclosed that to Jo... Grey will hate this (and also some infantilizing comments at end about Jo/Grey’s relationship making Jo a child)

<Anna> we should let them talk..so Jo knows and she can rub it in Gray’s face

<Anna> >_>

<Jo> <_< We should. I dont think Jo would care about a punch in the face or two for an endless amount of gloating

<Anna> lololol

<Anna> *Anna sits in the library with a notepad and the laptop, flipping through different webpages, writing things down*

<Jo> *Jo was meaning to come by and do some more research, since it was getting hard to focus about the housr again, when she sees Anna behind the lines in the library used to it being open again now* “Hey, learn to keep your boyfriend under more control in future, Anna. He’s running crazy at the moment.”

<Anna> *Anna ignores Jo, flipping through more pages.*

<Jo> *Raising an eyebrow, Jo moves around Anna’s chair towards the closet* “Seriously though, he’s a little out of control, though he said something interesting about you last time.”

<Anna> “Can’t imagine what is interesting about me.” *Anna says dryly, glancing up at Jo as she goes to the closet*

<Jo> “More that he said you wouldn’t care if we were knocking boots again. Which honestly was a hilarious suggestion, that you wouldn’t care or that that’d happen again at all.” *Jo lets out a small laugh, flinching at Anna’s tone and trying to avoid looking at her* “Why would he say somethig like that, Anna?”

<Anna> “He’s welcome to fuck whoever he wants, it’s not my business.” *closing the websites she closes her notebook and she shrugs at Jo. “I told him to get out so it’s not surprising that he’s already looking to chase tail again.”

<Jo> “Not your… You…” *Jo bites down on her lips tightly to avoid laughing aloud before moving out of the closet with a few books* “So, what did you throw him out for this time? His /good/ness disappearing?”

<Anna> *Anna looks at Jo, clearly not amused by her jabs.* “It’s not one your business either.” *Standing up she walks around the table with notebook in hand.

<Jo> “In case I missed something, we’re still at least friends, so I think getting to know personal information is sort of my business.” *Jo frowns, watching her move about both curious and cautious, before just going on* “So what was it? Did he screw someone? Give into Crowley? Eat Harry? Not screw you enough?”

<Anna> *Anna walks up to Jo, she still hadn’t bothered picking up the crutch where Gray tossed it and she tilts her head for a moment before drawing back and sucker punching Jo in the mouth.* “There we aren’t friends anymore and you don’t have any privilges to my life.”

<Jo> *Jo just blinks curiously when Anna approaches, getting caught off guard at the fist to her face, dropping the books as she turns around to clutch at her mouth. Turning back around after a moment, she glares around her hand at Anna, voice muffled from both pain and her hand* “Whut the fuck!”

<Anna> *Anna turns leaving the library going towards the bedroom*

<Jo> *Picking up her books and setting them down, Jo rubs at her face a few more minutes before following after Anna when she’s sure she’s not bleeding any more* “Okay seriously, what the fuck is your issue? What did that jackass do this time?”

<Anna> “It’s none of your business, you want to know go ask him. You guys can use it for pillow talk.”

<Jo> “Not going to happen, like, ever. I’d rather not speak to him until he’s over whatever he’s doing as it is, so you’re point of call. Did he fuck up and show just how bad he’s always been, Anna?”

<Anna> “Do you want me to punch you again? I’m not talking about it. In fact by this time tomorrow you  can have this place back.”

<Jo> “I’d be expecting it this time.  Why the hell not, and I’m quite happy where I am, you won the house in the divorce.”

<Anna> “Well I’m leaving it. Found a  place across town. I’ll be out of hunting, out of everyone hair and you can all go about your lives without worrying about me.”

<Jo> “I’m amazed youre not just hopping on a bus again and taking off. But what the hell did he do that got you this pissed, Anna? Why dont you just put the pain and chains back up?”

<Anna> “They are up but it’s not just him I’m getting away from.”

<Jo> “So I’m guessing I’m in that equation of getting away frm too then..”

<Anna> “you think?”

<Jo> *Jo raises an eyebrow in response, looking about the place quickly and not noticing anything out of place* “Anna, if you want me to leave you alone, I will. You dont have to leave to do that.”

<Anna> “I’m leaving because I want to.” *Anna rolls her eyes, why the hell would she want to stay here, in a place she’s had to failed relationships at*

<Jo> “…Right. And why exactly?” *Jo keeps prodding, trying to find the answer to what had happened*

<Anna> “Because I want too.” *Anna just looks at Jo like’s stupid or deaf one.

<Anna> *

<Jo> “Uh huh. Nothing to do with why Gray is seemingly back to his old dickish ways then?”

<Anna> “Nothing to do with him at all. I’m not doing anyone anygood here so I’m leaving.”

<Jo> “Of course not. ….Youre just running away from your problems again, aren’t you? Every time someone upsets you or shocks you or you think you’re hard done by you run off, Anna. At least when they’re someone you care about you do. So what’d the asshole do this time?”

<Anna> “Jo. Drop it. I’m not running, I’m moving. The stairs hurt to go up and down. If I was running away I wouldn’t have told you that I found a place across town.” *Anna rolls her eyes again at Jo.*

<Jo> “I don’t think I will, you said I’m not your friend any more so I don’t have to be nice and let you off the hook with an eye roll or bat of your eyelashes. And if thats all it was you wouldnt have said you were avoiding others than Gray too.”

<Anna> “Whatever Jo” *Anna moves into her bedroom trying to shut the door in Jo’s face. Grabbing what clothes she has and she starts packing them into a bag.*

<Jo> *Glaring at the shut door, Jo kicks out a foot at the bottom of it before turning around and going back to the library, mentally giving it two weeks*

<Anna> *Anna waits till Jo is gone before leaving a note for Harry and calling a cab. She had made all the arrangements online and she just had to go pick up a key*

<Jo> *pets Anna

<Jo> *

<Anna> lol she’s telling you and everyone else who keeps doing that to piss off

<Jo> Loool    it gets such a fun reaction though

<Anna> lol

<Anna> Jo happy and gloating?

<Jo> More confused and just going “Fiine. She wants to fuck up /every/ one of her relationships, thats fine by me”

<Anna> lol

<Anna> now Grey can go kiss her booboo

<Jo> I think Grey’s been doing quite enough kissing recently

<Anna> lol

<Anna> Jo can go happily back to Grey and tell him all about it

<Jo> Oh lord, dont tell her that

<Anna> lol

<Jo> I think she’s mostly pissed Anna wouldnt tell her more than the punch

#4 - Not 100% sure the start of the context of this one as I have it saved under title of ‘crowley - new’ so who the heck knows lol

<Jo> *While Jo knew Anna was trying to avoid everyone, it was just part of her nature to need to know where everyone was staying. If nothing else to know Anna was in a safe place. So stealing the address from a note to Harry and Lily, she pulls up infront of Annas new place, not sure if she was in or not and figuring that trying to break in would just be rude - instead knocking on the door and waiting*

<Anna> *Anna made her way back to the apartment and she had been laying there on the bed for about an hour when she heard the door and she groaned. Whatever Crowley had done was making her leg throb and she didnt want to deal with Gray, though she didn’t think he would be knocking. Getting up she walks carefully over to the door opening it. The iron would keep anyone else from getting in.* “What?”

<Jo> “I thought you might appreciate my not just barging in, seems not.” *Jo peers past Anna trying to see into the apartment before looking back at her tired face* “Just wanted to see where you are, make sure things were… safe.”

<Anna> *Anna looks somewhat relieved when she see’s it’s just Jo and she gives a lil laugh when Jo says she wants to see if she’s safe. Turning around she leaves the door open and goes back to the bed. The apartment is more a flat, everything in one big room with a bathroom off to the side.* “Yea, safe. You aren’t the first guest I’ve had. Crowley came by already.”

<Jo> *Surprised to be allowed in, Jo heads inside as well looking at Anna worriedly when she says Crowley’s already visited as she shuts the door* “Guess that explains a bit of the smell. I guess that means ‘as safe as can be’ then?”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs leaning back on the headboard on the bed* “It wasn’t bad considering, he only took me back to the apartment, wanted to see Gray’s reaction and you know, made sure I knew how much I fail repeating the mistakes of the past.”

<Jo> “Welcome to the club then” *Moving to lean against the opposite wall, Jo frowns slightly at her comment* “How’d you get back here? The dickhead didn’t show up did he?”

<Anna> “No, called a cab again.” *Anna laughs some, she’s drained and hit that numb point that she doesn’t see how anything can get worse.* “I do think I eneded up selling myself to Crowley.”

<Jo> “You did /what/?!”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs rubbing her hand over the cast* “Crowley kept saying I was a pet, but now that I’ve isolated myself and no one cares what happens, I’m no longer leverage. Not good for much of anything.” *Anna glances up at Jo and she leans back* “I asked what I had to do to get him to leave people alone, and he said I wasn’t worth that much, so I named you and Ellen and he said I was only worth one

<Anna> person. I named Ellen, so she’s off his radar.”

<Jo> *Jo visibly sags with relief at Anna saying Ellen was off the hit list, though she looks almost furious at the comment about Anna not being cared for or good for anything* “Just cause we’re not together doesn’t mean youre not my friend. Or doesn’t anyone realise that? Thanks for.. well, Mom though. What do you have to do though? What do you mean selling? You’re not going to fuck him are you?!”

<Anna> “It’s better though if he thinks I am.” *Anna runs a hand through her hair and she shrugs again at Jo’s question.* “It was pretty open ended, I think right now it’s amusing him about the fact Gray and I aren’t together. He thinks Gray will apologize since he’s done things for me that goes against his nature.” *Blinking Anna just laughs bitterly* “Nice to know he can be wrong still.”

<Jo> “True..” *Jo frowns, rubbing at the back of her neck before moving across to sit on the end of the bed, pushing her hair back from her face with a sigh* “So, he’s just got you to agree to some ambiguous agreement and sitting about waiting for the monster to come back grovelling?”

<Anna> “Gray won’t come back, except to  maybe take it out of my hide.” *Anna slides down further on the bed running a hand over her face* “I don’t know what Crowley will come back and want, does it matter though? It’s all right, everything Gray said, Crowley said. I’m helping this way at least. Got Ellen out of that mess Grey did, Crowley didn’t know you had told me about that.”

<Jo> “I doubt that, Anna. I might actually be with Crowley on that one - eventually he’ll crawl back. I always did.” *Jo watches Anna shift about, carefully moving to the side to give her cast more space* “It does matter, Anna, even if you try to say it doesnt. And.. …thank you for that. For fixing that..”

<Anna> “I did it so you could kill him without worrying. And he won’t, we both are too prideful. I’m okay if it ends like this, like Crowley said, it’s taken away something he was holding over people.”

<Jo> “Well thanks for that then, it is kind of nice to stop worrying about that. Gray isn’t /you/ Anna, he’s more like me than he ever has been you and he’ll figure it out that he’s fucked things up and wants you back. But I doubt its going to 'end’ at all Anna, and I dont think you’re going to be okay with whatever happens..”

<Anna> “I fucked up more than Gray. I fucked up with you. It’s like Crowley said, I keep making the same mistakes over and over again and I never learn.” *Blinking Anna takes a deep breath and she give a little laugh* “Whatever happens doesn’t matter, if I’m a good distraction then it’s still good for something”

<Jo> “Well if thats the case why arent you the one willing to apologise rather than running off?  Youre still good for other things, Anna, its just Crowley being a douche that says youre not

<Jo> ”*

<Anna> “Because he’s right.”

<Jo> “No, he’s not”

<Anna> “If I did apologize, I’d be leverage again. Gray before said Crowley came to visit last time I was in teh hospital, said that Gray was willing to give up being a monster and act out life as a human for me. I can’t put him in that position again. This is better.”

<Jo> “Whose this better for? Really?” *Rolling her eyes, Jo runs her hand through her hair before looking back at Anna seriously* “Youre not really achieving what you should running off like this, selling out and what not. And you know it.”

<Anna> *Anna smiles weakly at Jo* “So I’m failing, big surprise”

<Jo> “Yeah actually. You might suck at some stuff, but when you put your mind to something you don’t tend to fuck it up. Not enough that its not surprising”

<Anna> “What’s done is done. Gray is gone, Ellen is out of Crowley’s sites and everything else is okay.”

<Jo> “Except for how you’re going to end up where Grey was last year, am I right?” *Jo sneers slightly, turning to look away from the other woman as she runs it over in her mind*

<Anna> “No, I don’t know how to say I’m sorry.” *Anna shakes her head, she’s not like Grey at all. “Grey rolled over because he doesn’t want to die, I’m doing what Crowley wants so people can kill him.”

<Jo> “And you thought I was the one who couldn’t apologise for mistakes.” *Jo mutters quietly before looking abck at Anna with a raised eyebrow* “Potato potahto. Either way you’re going to end up at the same spot. And really the only reason you /want/ to die is for the same reason he doesn’t - he doesn’t want to go back to where everything is even worse than here, and you don’t want to be responsible

<Jo> for everything getting worse here.”

<Anna> “It’s a tactical advantage.”

<Jo> *Jo was seething by now, the complacant response and attitude towards this pissing her off* “Of course. Because all battles were won thanks to the whores with the intel. If he happens to tell you which of his heels is his weakspot mid orgasm, you let me know.”

<Anna> *Anna doesn’t say anything, she wipes her face and she nods.*

<Jo> “You know what..” *Scowling, Jo stands up and starts pacing beside Anna’s bed, looking down at her occasionally* “If that was me telling you I  had agreed to do some unknown thing Crowley asked me to do, you’d have called me a slut, said I was a moron and was worth more than that and basically torn me apart over it. Just like you always have. Yet you’re unwilling to see you have more potential

<Jo> than what some cocky asshole of a demon and two monsters you’ve been pushing the buttons of for months are telling you. You’re better than this shit Anna, so just get over yourself and realise it!”

<Anna> “I have realized it. There’s an uncomfortable truth to everything they say. What potential do I have? I’m not an angel, I don’t have any grace at all, I don’t even hear them anymore. I’m useless as a human and all do is piss people off but not enough. You have always been what I wanted to be as a human, I yelled because you are so much more than any of us..”

<Jo> “Only because they twist it that way! Demons lie, and both of those two twist the truth how they want it if someone’s hurt them enough. Who is the resident expert on them here, because it sure as hell ain’t you. Big fucking whoop if you’re not an angel anymore, that’s what you’ve wanted - and you’re only useless if you let yourself be. God fucking dammit, Anna, you can’t just try once and give up!

<Jo> I never did, and do you see me really rolling over for anyone? Actually, truly rolling over? I dont give up, and I’m ashamed of you if you do.” *Jo snaps back, basically tuggin at her hair as she talks, voice dropping as she finishes*

<Anna> “Once? I fell, twice. I died trying to stop the apocalypse. I am not rolling over. I am accepting that I fuck everything up and if fucking Crowley buys you the time you need to kill him, well then it’s not rolling over is it.”

<Jo> “You and me both, and do you see me giving it up again? You are rolling over, Anna. Your saying youre useless otherwise and saying you accept that bullshit is rolling over. You are a fucking /human/, and you are worth just as much as anyone else - regardless of if you screw up or not. You don’t see me doing everything right, or don’t you remember those months of you saying that exactly to me?”

<Anna> “Maybe I was wrong.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she watches Jo pace in anger.* “Maybe I am human and if I am that means I’m just as dispensable as the rest of the human race. What’s one life compared to everyone else. Or maybe this is karma for what I did as an angel.”

<Jo> “Dispensable yes, but just as important as well. You always run your mouth about my being important, well guess what Anna - so are you too. So yeah, maybe one versus a lot, but you wouldn’t have stood by and watched me sell myself to that asshole in exchange for other people would you?!”

<Anna> “No but that’s because I’m always right and you never listen.” *Anna tries to joke.*

<Jo> “And yet you’re going to stand by and let you do that to yourself?” *Jo shoots her a disapproving look at the joke, even if one side of her mouth quirks up slightly, shaking her head*

<Anna> “Fucking Crowley would probably be the least destructive thing I’ve ever done to myself.” *She looks down at her leg and shrugs.*

<Jo> “I can’t help but disagree. I know what that creep does to people, maybe not physically but the psychological shit is not something you can just shrug your shoulder about, Anna. Especially not you.”

<Anna> “I’ve already got a good shrink to deal with the psychological stuff and a bed reserved at the hospitals.” *Anna jokes again when Jo says especially not her.*

<Jo> *Jo gives Anna a brief look before whirling and kicking at the closest leg of Anna’s very small table, blinking stunnedly when the leg folds in under itself and she’s not quite sure she feels any less angry* “Fine, /fine/. You want to make this all a joke and go through with it, then /fine/, but I’m going to figure out some way to stop whatever you’re thinking from happening, Anna.”

<Anna> *Anna cringes as jo breaks the only table she has and she shakes her head looking at Jo.* “No you won’t. Stopping it would put Ellen back on table of people Crowley can go after. You aren’t going to do that.” *Taking a breath she swallows.* “I’m not giving up but what have I got to lose? You just broke the only othe thing in this apartment besides the bed.”

<Jo> “I’m going to, Anna. Even if it means trapping and gutting that sick son of a bitch in the middle of Antarctica underneath a full moon.” *The comment and look Anna gives her at the table makes Jo let out a shallow breathe, looking apologetically at her* “Sorry about that, I’ll find you a replacement, okay?”

<Anna> “It’s fine. Probably would have never used it.” *Anna looks at Jo and she smiles a bit.* “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, without Gray here to flush the pills, I’m sure I have a script of one that will take care of anything I’ll feel about doing this.”

<Jo> *Fisting her hands at her sides, Jo shakes her head with a sharp jerk* “You really don’t get this do you..”

<Anna> “I get it. I’ve just stopped caring at this point.” *Anna looks at Jo’s hands and she sits up swinging her legs over the bed.“Free shot for the punch from yesterday.”

<Jo> “Not gonna happen.” *Jo gives Anna a disapproving look, crossing her arms under her chest even though her hands stay balled* “You’ve stopped caring, sure. But you know thats only going to last so long. And when Crowley isn’t powerful any ore everything youve done is going to be for nothing and you’re going to hate yourself more deeply than anyone ever has.”

<Anna> “You assume that I don’t already.” *Anna sighs and she lays back closing her eyes.* “Thanks Jo for coming by.”

<Jo> “You really shouldn’t though..” *Jo runs a hand through her hair gently, looking at Anna with concern before nodding* “Okay, okay. I’ll… If you want I’ll come by again sometime soon.”

<Anna> “Probably not a good idea, never know when Crowley will be here.”

<Jo> *Sighing, Jo nods* “Okay, I get it. I’ll see you sometime, Anna…”

<Anna> *Anna just waves as she crawl into the middle of the bed, closing her eyes to go to sleep*

<Jo> *Heading out the door, Jo wants nothing more than to slam it behind her, but fights down the urge, heading back home again*

<Anna> Jo’s going to kill Anna herself isn’t she

<Jo> Ooooh she wants to

[sheismental]

how it’s supposed to be — tom holland (chapter V)

CHAPTER I \ CHAPTER II \ CHAPTER III \ CHAPTER IV \ CHAPTER V

→ “You know we’re supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.”

pairing: tom holland x fem!reader.

summary: the way things are supposed to be are not always the way things are.

warning: angst! angst...and foul language. and tom holland sexiness

★━━─

“And you think that’s okay?.” Natalia asks y/n with skeptical, her eyebrowos raise as she grimaces. Y/n shrugs, her hair up in a bun as she clutches her pillow close to her chest.

“I think so?.” She replies insecurely. “God, Natalia - I don’t know, i just know that kissing him felt so damn right.” She lets out a shaky sigh, Natalia’s damp blonde hair falls just below her ears as she shakes her head.

“Y/n i know you better that anyone - I really want you to be happy, but i’m worried that this whole Tom thing might just be a way to distract yourself from Nick.” Natalia confesses, making y/n bite her inner cheek - her head aches at her swirling thoughts. 

Tom left that night, just a couple of nights ago, with the biggest smile on his face - His eyes as bright as the shinning stars, filled with excitment, and y/n would be lying if she said she didn’t feel the exact same way. 

“This ‘whole thing with Tom’-.” Y/n air quotes. “It’s not a distraction, Nat - I like him.” You state, and Natalia cocks an eyebrow.

“Enough to go through the same thing you went through with Nick? Enough to get your heart broken again?.” She asks, her figure laying against the matress - Y/n knew that look better than anyone; Natalia didn’t agree with her. “You broke up with Nick less than a week ago, because he cheated y/n. That is not somehting easy to process, not when it happens with the guy whom everyone thought would spend the rest of his life with you.” She continues, with every word dripping with care and honesty. “I just want to make sure you’re doing this because you are sure, not because you need someone else by your side.”

Y/n sighs heavily, wanting things to be easier - She knew that just the thought of Tom made her heart race, that his shy smile made her stomach churn with excitment and that that kiss still made her lips tingle with joy. But for how long? How long would that feeling truly last?.

After a moment of silence, Natalia smiles tight lipped as her hand rubs your knee tenderly.

“You really think i will get my heart broken again?.” Your voice sounds fearful of the answer Natalia might give you. 

“I hope not, y/n. I want nothing but happiness for you, i’m just trying to do the labor of the best friend here. Are you sure of him - of Tom -?.”

“I don’t know.” Those three dreaded words leave your mouth, causing an explosion of doubts inside your head - Was it enough to know you wanted Tom?.

★━━─

Tom’s leg bounces up and down, the keys on the pocket of his jeans jiggling.

“Mate would you calm down? It’s just a text.” Harrison mocks as a playful smile frames his lips. Tom’s eyes dart from his phone to his best friend.

“What if she says she doesn’t want to go out with me anymore?.” Tom asks nervously. Harrison rolls his eyes and swiftly takes Tom’s phone from between his hands. “Hey!-.”

“Mate, i tolerate you - But you need to focus on this interview rather than y/n.” 

And that was true, they were minutes away from his interview with Kelly and Ryan - Though Tom seemed off his game as he waited for y/n’s reply.

Tom runs his hand through his curls, sighing as he nods. “Yeah man, i know.” 

“Tom you’re up in five!.” Someone yells and Tom nods, before looking at Harrison.

“Just see if she replies, okay?.” Tom pleads and Harrison, clutching the phone with his hand, nods. 

★━━─

“We have a very special guest with us today, the Spider-Man himself, Tom Holland!.” 

“Oh please change the channel.” You plead, taking a sip of your coffee as Natalia chuckles and shakes her head.

“I want to see this.” Natalia replies and you narrow your eyes at her, she sees this and raises her hands in surrender. “Hey if you are going to date this guy i need to see how he acts.”

You roll your eyes playfully, as Tom appears on the screen - Waving and looking like prince charming himself. His red shirt fitted him to perfection, biceps flexing as he waved - His pearly white teeth taking the spotlight as he sat next to Kelly and Ryan.

The interview goes on, you barely notice what they are saying as you stare at Tom’s features - getting hard to believe you had seen those features close-up, hovering over your face. His curls styled back, he crosses his arms over his chest - and your breath hitches as his strong arms flex once again, the watch strapped to his wrist just made him look more attractive. 

“We need to ask, Tom - There was a huge scandal a couple of days ago, some kind of physical fight between you and Nick? I mean we thought he was one of your closest friends. Please explain.” Ryan asks swiftly and the question makes you shiver. Tom’s jaw clenches as he licks his lips, you could tell he had grown tense.

“Uh it was something silly.” He mumbles nervously before swallowing the lump on his throat. He frowns slightly and you do too. “Actually no-.” He clears his throat and your eyes widen. “It wasn’t something silly, but i do not regret what happened -.” 

“But what happened exactly? Why would you two engage into a physical fight?.” Kelly insists and your mouth agapes as you leave the cup of coffee in the coffee table, bringing your knees close to your chest as you try to sit comfortable in the couch - But your nerves were so tense that it was almost impossible to find yourself comfortable.

“Shit.” Natalia drags on and you glare at her. “Sorry.”

Through the screen you see as Tom licks his lips nervously.

“Not something i really want to talk about, i’m sorry.” He explains softly and Kelly smiles brightly. “Oh don’t worry about it! We totally understand.”

You sigh as your muscles relax. The scandal of Nick and you breaking up was still fresh on the news, last thing you needed was another one so you were glad Tom hadn’t said anything.

You grab your phone, turning it one - Tom’s text shinning brightly in the screen, you bite your bottom lip softly, not knowing what to do. You unlock it, watching as the conversation pops on.

When can i take you out, darling?

Your eyes travel to the ceiling, your finger tapping the back of your phone.

“What are you going to reply?.” Natalia asks, making your head turn to her - She smiles softly. Your eyes dart from the screen of your phone to the tv screen.

★━━─

Tom walks out of the stage, running to Harrison as he smiles recomfortingly. 

“She almost got you, mate.” Harrison notes and Tom sighs exhaustedly.

“Not quite.” Tom reassures and gestures to his phone, Harrison chuckles lightly.

“And here i was thinking you actually wanted to talk to me.” Harrison jokes as he hands Tom his phone, whom sticks his tongue at him.

“Are you jealous, Haz?.” Tom teases and Harrison punches his arm playfully.

“I pity her, you are bloody horrible.” Harrison laughs but Tom is already eagerly unlocking his phone. Tom’s heart races as he sees a new message pop up, his thumb grazes the screen as he opens it.

i don’t think we should go out.

Tom’s smile fades away, replaced by a grimace.

★━━─

You watch as the three dots appear on your screen, then disappear only to appear once again, after a few seconds of not getting anything you turn off your phone, biting your inner cheek.

Never had a text been so hard to write until now. 

Natalia half smiles recomfortingly. “Do you want to go for something to eat?.” She asks and you nod silently. “Okay then we should change because we look fucking horrible.” She jokes and you almost smile.

“Way to lift my self esteem, Nat.” You scold playfully before making your way to your bedroom with Natalia trailing behind you.

“What are best friends for?.” She asks rethorically before opening your closet. “Now let’s get you to wear something nice.” 

After an hour, you make your way to the restaurant - The black dress tight in every right place as plunging of the v-neck fell on your chest. Natalia smiled proudly at your figure, clapping and yelling how wonderful you looked - And as much as that helped, you could only think about Tom complimenting you like that. 

“I can’t believe you convinced me to wear this dress, Nat. You have some fucking serious power over me.”  You curse as you walk into the way too fancy restaurant and Natalia elbows your ribs lightly.

“We are treating ourselves tonight, babe. Besides it is not every day i come all the way from Spain to visit my dearest friend.” She smiles and you shake your head while a smile creeps onto your face. 

I’m so glad she’s here.

You feel glares burn your skin as you make your way to the table, ready to enjoy the night and forget about the aching in your heart.

The evening flies fast, between jokes and laugh your mind slips away from Tom as Natalia tells stories about her life as a journalist - and before you can process everything, Natalia is embracing you goodbye, mumbling a sweet ‘it will be okay; and getting into a cab to her hotel.

You get into your car and drive to your apartment, imagining the feel of taking your black heels off and the soft silk sheets grazing your skin. A soft smile plasters your face as you walk into the hallway with your head down, your heels clicking the floor as you approach the apartment door.

You raise your head slightly, eyes traveling to a figure sitting outside of an apartment door - The man’s hands are over his eyes, hair ruffled as a sigh escapes his lips. Your mouth opens slightly, stopping midway as you notice that the man is sitting outside your apartment. 

The abrupt sound of your stopping makes the man’s head turn to you, brown eyes locking with yours.

Tom’s breath hitches as he sees your figure wrapped around the black silky dress, he blinks - making sure he is actually seeing you and not hallucinating. 

“Tom.” You breathe out slowly, swallowing the lump on your throat as he awkwardly gets up - His hair is ruffled and the same shirt he wore in Kelly & Ryan’s interview s slightly wrinkled due to waiting outside your apartment door. “How long how you been there?.” You ask, your hands grasping your apartment keys. 

He scratches the back of his neck nervously as he stares at you, he knew it wouldn’t be easy talking to you - But he never knew how stunned he would be, you looked straight out of magazine. He had seen you in red carpets before, holding Nick close and flashing lights hovering your face - But now, below the dimmed lights of the hallway, you looked unreal to him.

“Just uh a couple of hours.” He replies, finishing with a nervous yet beautiful smile. “I wanted to talk to you.” He trails off and you clear your throat, awkwardly standing closer to him - forgetting the fact that you wanted to get in bed.

“Tom-.”

“I just don’t understand, y/n. Why-why did you change your mind?.” He interrupts and looks at you. “I thought you wanted this.” He gestures the space between the two of you, only inches away. 

Your hair tucked behind your ears, suddenly you wish you had the curtain of your hair to hide your eyes from Tom’s. You shift uncomfortably, you knew he was waiting for your answer.

“It’s too complicated, Tom.” You say it to yourself more than to him. “I don’t need complicated right now.” He bites his bottom lip.

“I’m not bloody Nick, y/n.” He says deseperately. “Things won’t be complicated, i’m not a fucking asshole.” 

Your tongue glides over your bottom lip as you shake your head, the sight of him pleading was too much. “It will be.” You state as a matter of factly. “It always is.”

He looks at you with hurt in his eyes, how could you be saying that? After he had confessed his love for you, the love he had felt ever since he met you. 

“You don’t know that.” He corrects and reaches over you, and you let him. He gets closer - His hand taking yours as his thumb runs across the back of it.

You look down at his gesture before locking eyes with him - He has the stars in his eyes, you think as his eyes sparkle with hopeful naivety. 

“But i do.” You correct and he swallows hard. “And i don’t want it.” You slowly shake your hand out of his grasp, his jaw clenches and his cheeks flush - with exasperation and sorrow. 

Your words run through his veins like venom, feeling as if he was being killed from the inside, and he was. 

You reach over to the doorknob and look at him. “Goodbye, Tom.” 

He shakes his head. “You know we’re supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.” 

You shut your eyes, feeling as tears start welling up in your eyes. 

“This isn’t a fairy tale, Tom. We aren’t meant to be, nobody is.” Your voice shakes, but deep down you know you are doing the right thing.

“Fine, then tell me right here on my face that you feel nothing for me.” He raises his voice, raspy and low as his hands form into fists - Knuckles turning white. 

You look at him dumbfounded. “What?.”

“Tell me you don’t feel anything for me-.” He takes a step closer to you, his hands sliding up your arm, your knees buckle. “And i will go.” His voice is soft, yet there’s nothing but determination dripping from each word. His fingertips graze your arm, making goosebumps grow. 

You suck in your breath, you knew his game - His touches and soft voice would make you fall right into him, but you also knew better than that. 

“Tell me.” He urges, his lips parting as he looks down at you. Your lips part, words urging to come out - but they can’t and when they do, they aren’t the words Tom wanted so badly to hear. 

“I don’t feel anything for you.” 

  ★━━─

sheismental masterlist

tom holland masterlist

tag list:

@choke-me-sweet-pea @taylorjrs13 @ooopsharry @spidyboyholland   @imatrisk @distantsmiles @xallyouhadtodowasstay @thelyinglady  @sterolinelover13 @nihilistisright  @sangstersvalentine @roses-hxlland @exposingrande @keilanimelton @oops-is-my-life @greenarrowhead  @bagelbiites @why-am-i-here-again-shitheads  @kendratheweird

this means i couldn’t tag you!

[supernatural-danhowell-fanf-blog]

Motionless.

Charecters: Dean, Reader

Pairing: Dean×Reader

WARNING: TRIGGERS. THIS IS A TRIGGER FIC. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF IT WILL AFFECT YOU BADLY NOW OR IN THE FUTURE. Self hate. Cutting. Language. Slight nudity but not in a sexual way. T-shirt and underwear.

Summary: You’ve kept your self harm a secret until it became too much and you had to call your boyfriend Dean.

A/N: SO LIKE I SAID A LOT OF TRIGGERS. This was an inspirational fic to me because I’ve dealt with this stuff before. To me, at least, Dean is real. He lives in my head. Whenever I pick up the blade I can hear him saying “Put that down. Can’t you see how beautiful you are?” I can see his broken heart as I cut into my legs. I can feel him comforting me after I’m done. To me dean is real and this fic happens in my mind pretty much every night.

I don’t know how to put the gif at the beginning. Sorry I’m an idiot lol. Anyway, there is a gift at the bottom that is how I imagined Dean on the phone at the beginning.

Alright. Please make sure if this starts triggering you you immediately stop and you message me. I can send you a non trigger version. Well, just the triggers cut out. —

Blood dripping.

Tears trickling.

Skin ripping.

Nights wer- are always hard for you. You stayed awake long after the rest of the world. Crying, not the cute, one-tear-running-down-the-cheek crying. Full on screaming, tears pouring down your cheeks. You clenched your teeth, held your stomach. Ever threw up sometimes just from the intensity.

Your days were pretty routine. Wake up grumpy from only getting a couple hours of sleep. Sometimes none. Then you would go to work, be happy for a while, joke around, smile, start to think, I can do this. Then at about 6pm you get sad, start thinking “why does nobody love me?” At about 11pm after you get in bed the tears start. At 12 you get your blades. At 2 you are screaming for help, in the middle of a nightmare even though you aren’t asleep. Something is chasing you, hurting you. Killing you slowly. At 5 you are wondering if anything is really worth this.

Nobody knew. Not family, not friends, not even your boyfriend, Dean. You were always smiling so everyone just assumed you were fine. Friends would come to you with problems and you would comfort them even though it was a fraction of what you were dealing with. You always got told “you know, you help me all the time. If you have any problems, you can call. Day or night.” Bullshit. If you spilled your guts you would have to clean them up yourself so why bother?

—

Work was terrible. You were told to go kill yourself twice, cursed out, had stuff thrown at you. You took a break even though you were supposed to be working and your manager screamed at you in front of everyone.

12:42AM

“Why does nobody care about me?! Am I not pretty enough?! Smart enough?! Nobody loves me. I should end it. No, gotta stay strong. For Dean.” You said as you wiped your tears and sat up on the bed. You opened your bedside table drawer. You only kept one thing in there. Blades. The bottom of the drawer was stained with drops of blood. You kept it locked up so no one would see. Much like you kept yourself locked up. Hoping nobody could see.

You often pondered how dean would react the first time you had sex. Seeing the deep red marks all up and down your legs and arms. Wrists were easy to cover up with Bracelets and such. You had been with Dean for over a year now. Your excuse was wanting to wait until marraige. BS. You had got real close a few times. You had tattoos on your arms so dean couldn’t see those but your legs were a different story. You had gone shirtless but as soon as dean tried to unbutton your jeans you had to pump the brakes. You could see the dissapointment in his eyes. Not in you, just in the fact that you didn’t trust him. At least that’s what he thought.

You grabbed a dull blade and drug it across your ragged skin. To you, your thighs were a canvas. You had to find an empty spot to start on. You looked all across the red marks, drug the very tip of the blade across the scars, feeling the familiar sting. Eventually found a good place to start. You dragged it across your skin, prepping it. Feeling the cool blade against your legs was comforting.

Then you pulled it across in a fast motion, blood starting to drip. You muffled a scream. Then again. Again. Again. Each time more painful than the last.

3:19AM

The screaming. Oh the screaming. Inside your head but it was all too real. You banged your head against the wall trying to make it stop. Trying to make your last few hours peaceful.

3:38:AM

You felt a cold hand wrap around your forearm. Start squeezing. It left an ugly purple bruise. Another had wrapping its fingers slowly around your throat. You tried to get it out of your room but you kept seeing it. Why was it there? What did it want?

4:22AM

Silence. You drifted to sleep until you heard a piercing scream. You jolted up. Tonight was worse than it had been for a long time.

4:36AM

You were pacing your room. “I should call him. No, he will leave me. No he won’t Y/N Don’t be ridiculous. Just call” you pulled out your phone and began dialing. You hit cancel and put the phone back in your bra. “Y/N you are such a worthless, stupid, piece of garbage. His JOB is to make you happy. Just call!” You told yourself I’m a fit of anger. You dialed again. This time you hit call.

The ringing went on for what felt like ages. "Come on, Dean! Pick up damn it!”

“Y/N, I swear if you are drunk in a ditch somewhere and I have to come pick you up one more ti-”

“D-Dean?” You said, clearly crying. Voice shaking. Your tried to swallow the lump in your throat but couldn’t. You just kept crying.

"Baby, what wrong. Are you hurt? Where are you?!” He said as you heard background noise. Sounded like he was getting out of bed.

You couldn’t make a noise. You just kept crying. You dropped the phone next to you on the bed without hanging up. Too weak to even hold the phone.

"Baby you’re scaring me what’s happening?! Im on my way.” You could hear through the phone. “I’m about an hour out though. Please stay on the phone.”

You picked up the phone and just said his name. In a quiet voice. You weren’t even sure how he could hear it. “Y/N” his voice broke. He was crying too. “Seriously, talk to me”

"I just can’t anymore baby” you said, suprised you got that many words out. “You can’t what? Can’t date? Can’t work? Can’t what sweetheart?”

"Live.” It was quiet. For a long time. “Y/N, I swear to God if you kill yourself before I get there I’m going to kill you.”

You smiled. “Nice logic.” You managed to say. Then you screamed. “Y/N?! Y/N!!! What happened?!” He yelled.

“It’s coming!! Dean please save me it’s coming it’s coming dean please please get here faster kill it please dean save me dean please please save me!”

"Baby I’m on my way but you have to talk to me. What’s coming?”

“The monster. It’s in my head.”

Dean was relieved it wasn’t an actual monster. Although it was very real. “Baby, talk to me. Why are you so scared?” He said in a calming voice.

You were quiet for a while. You were thinking. Calming enough to tell him.

“I hate myself. I hate my body, my skin, my hair, my face. My personality, my humor, my house, my voice, everything. I’m a worthless piece of absolute garbage and I shouldn’t even be on this earth.”

He sighed. “First of all. That’s complete Bullshit. You are the most amazing person I know! You think you are worthless?! That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. your think you are ugly? You are perfect. I’ve seen the way you look at yourself in the mirror and I can tell what you are thinking and believe me. I love very freckle, Every mole, every imperfection because your imperfections are what make you so amazing because you wear them with pride. You think you are garbage? Welcome to the club!! You think you have a bad personality? Y/N, you are hilarious, smart, talented, the list goes on. I-I couldnt ecen twll you hoe many times ive cried from laughing so hard at the stuff youve said! I never knew you felt this way. How long?”

You were crying so it was hard for him to hear you. “Years. I never told anyone because they should be running scared. What kind of monster think the things I think, does the things I do, cuts their legs and arms because they aren’t pretty enough? Who does that? Me.”

“You’ve been cutting yourself for years? Y/N I’ve knows you for years. Why didn’t I ever know? Is that why you don’t want to have sex with me? You think I’ll run screaming??”

“Dean you know I want to I just can’t stand the though of you worrying.You didn’t ever know because I didn’t tell anyone. I’m weak, Dean. Weak and scared. Nobody would ever take me seriously if they knew how weak I actually was.”

“People don’t cry because they are weak Y/N. They cry because they have been strong too long.” He said is a soothing voice. “You are my girl and I would do anything to protect you. I’m almost there. I love you so damn much Y/N. You know what I love about you? You’re smile. I love how even after all the crap you’ve been through, you still smile. I love how strong you are. Holding on this long. I love you Y/N, I couldn’t live without you.”

“Why do you keep saying that? You love me? I’m trash. I’m worthless and stupid and ugly and I don’t deserve you. You should leave me. No sense in keeping me around. All I do is screw up. I’ll be gone soon anyways.” You said as you wiped a tear from your eye.

“Hold on baby.” He said as he hung up.

“What the fuck? Did he actually just hang up on me?” You were done crying. Even though it broke your heart. You just had a straight face. And laid down. Without blinking or looking at anything.

After about 2 minutes the door burst open. You didn’t move. Didn’t even blink, to be honest you didn’t even notice. Before long, Dean was lifting you up and wrapping his arms around you. He held you bridal style as you kept your dead eyes looking forward. Without saying anything. He sat down on the bed and your head laid in the crook of his neck as he rocked you and hummed a song.

About ten minutes later, he asked quietly “Can I see, baby?” You nodded. You were too exhausted to say anything. He just laid you on the bed and pulled down your pants. You just laid still, motionless, in a shirt and underwear as your boyfriend stood above you, crying. Seeing how bad it had gotten. Your legs were dark red pretty much all the way down to your knees.

“Baby” he said breathless. Not even really talking to you. He ran his fingers through his hair and cursed himself for not knowing sooner. He was pacing back and forth, breathing heavily. He looked so angry at himself. He shouldn’t be, it’s not his fault.

He leaned down and began kissing your legs. Not sucking, just leaving a soft kiss on every cut on your leg. You slowly lifted your head and asked “why?” Quietly.

“Because I love them. They show how strong you are. I love you. I’m going to kiss each and every cut. Each and every day until they heal. Because this is not okay but I don’t know how else to help you right now.”

You laid motionless, staring at the ceiling as he kissed each cut. You felt a warm drop of water run down your leg every couple seconds. No doubt a tear. He made his way up each leg and then jumped up to kiss your lips.

“Love.” You said as a tear ran down your face.

“Yes, I love you, Y/N.”

He wrapped you in his arms and leaned up against the headboard and watched you fall asleep.

“You are beautiful Y/N Y/L/N. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t ever leave me.”

—

Forever tags- @booklover180 @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms @twentyonespnphantrash @usernametaken198 @tessndellaxx