#ive finally gave it a shot the other day and it's pretty good! pretty good

[clamorybus]

man, have you guys ever heard of hades? that shit's hard

[effy-writes]

Hii!! I really love your writing and I saw that you're taking requests

WARNING up a head

I would like to know if you would be okay with writing a scenario involving Fizz and Ozzie with a reader (female or gender-neutral) who has epilepsy. The reader has been experiencing frequent seizures due to getting less sleep, stressing over work, missing a few doses of their medication (meds were pricey and they felt like a burden to them), and eating chocolate that was gifted by a coworker (they'd feel bad for declining), despite being aware that it's a trigger factor.

I've been going in and out of the hospital for the past 2 months due to high fever (after I fell off the stairs and hit my head) and seizure monitoring and despite being an adult, I feel like a burden to my parents because they have to look after me and pay for everything (and I try to skip a few days of meds to make them last a little bit longer) 🥲🥲🥲

And if you ever feel uncomfortable writing this, you can just ignore it! Mwah, have a good day/evening, loves!!

holy shit are you okay 😭😭 and thank you for requesting! and also thank you for the compliment!

also i didn’t know if you wanted one shot or HC so this is like a little bit of both i think

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fizz x GN!Epileptic! Reader x Ozzie HC

•You haven’t been epileptic your whole life. It all started when doing a performance at Ozzie’s and fell off a platform and hit your head. Obviously, your polyamorous relationship with Fizz and Ozzie were worried sick about you. They took you to a hospital straight away (and since it’s hell, it was a pretty sucky hospital), all they said was that you had a concussion.

• Going back to Ozzie’s house they made you take things slow and refused to let you do things. It was killing you though. Everyone at Ozzie’s loved your performances and the customers paid lots of money to go see you, and because of your injury you obviously can’t perform. So, customers ended up not going.

• You felt extremely guilty for it, but Fizz kept reassuring you that him and Ozzie aren’t mad. They just want you to get better.

•Well, things got even worse. A few days later you had a horrible fever. You felt so weak to even talk and your skin was burning up. Ozzie was the first to notice this. He took your temperature and was horrified whenever it came out to 105° F, which is a deadly fever. He immediately got Fizz and they took you to the hospital yet again. Since you’re an Imp they didn’t care, but after Ozzie showed his true form they took you seriously and monitored you.

•That same day Ozzie had to go to a very important Hell meeting so he left Fizz with you. He realized you looked worse even though they gave you IV medicine. When he saw your body shaking and eyes rolling back he freaked the fuck out. He called out for some nurses or doctors and they quickly gave you seizure medicine to stop the seizure. Obviously you were “blacked out” for this, so you don’t remember much. Fizz on the other hand was hyperventilating and got worried sick. He couldn’t call Ozzie because of him being at the meeting, so he held your hand and told you it’s going to be okay while you’re asleep.

•After some very expensive days at the hospital they officially diagnosed you with Early Post Traumatic seizure. Basically epilepsy. The moment you got this information you broke down. Ozzie rubbed your back while Fizz squeezed your hand. It hurt them to see you like this. The doctors prescribed expensive seizure medicine to take daily to prevent more seizures.

•Finally you were able to go back home and hoped things would go back to normal. Ozzie paid for the medication while Fizz reminded you to take them. The next couple of months the seizures became less frequent and almost disappeared.

•You were still able to perform (after months of begging, but they soon gave in because they saw you haven’t had a seizure in a while). However, Ozzie made a deal with you. You can only perform on Friday and Saturday nights and made it “seizure friendly” (basically on those days they refuse to show flashing lights), and because of those seizure friendly days more people started showing up because they also have epilepsy!!

•Your polyamorous relationship anniversary is coming up and you wanted to do something special. And lucky for you, it landed on a friday. You’ve been preparing this for months, you wanted it to be something completely different and wanted it to be special. However, you could only practice the dance with the backup dancers super early in the day (like 4 am) so Ozzie and Fizz won’t see what you’re getting up to. You’ll sneak out of the bedroom and head on down to Ozzie’s and meet the backup dancers there to practice.

•Because you’ve been getting less sleep and you’re stressed out fixing up this anniversary present, your seizures have been acting up. The first incident was that you were walking from the bedroom to the kitchen (and you stood up too fast) and immediately fell back down as your body compulses. Ozzie was already in the kitchen making breakfast and once he heard something (more like somebody) and saw you shaking he took action and turned you on your side just in case if you throw up. He also grew in size and placed his hand underneath your head so it wouldn’t keep hitting the ground repeatedly. Ozzie kept it cool, but Fizz was hyperventilating (this dude worry’s so much because you mean everything to him).

•You didn’t know how much your medicine costs until Fizz pointed it out. He didn’t mean any harm, he just said “Damn, this shit is more expensive than the Demon Driller 5000.” And yes, that’s saying a lot. He meant it as a joke and didn’t know it made you feel guilty. You wanted to skip the meds, but since Fizz keeps track of it you had to come up with a plan for him to not helicopter you.

•It was actually pretty easy, you told him you wanted to do things yourself and he respected that boundary. You hid the medicine and only took it twice a week, which definitely didn’t help your case.

•Both of your boyfriends were worried sick about you and wanted to take you to the hospital but you always declined (you even got mad at them because of it. You meant no harm but because of the stress and having to deal with seizures just made you on edge).

•At work a coworker gave you chocolate because the anniversary was coming up soon. You didn’t want to eat it because you really didn’t want to have a seizure since they hurt so much. But, you’re a people pleaser and you ate it. Soon enough, you had a seizure 30 minutes later (not while performing because Fizz and Ozzie begged you to not perform once you’ve been seizure free for 2 months).

•After that one, things got heated between you and your boyfriends.

“Is everything okay, babe? We’re so worried about you.” Ozzie rubbed your back.

“I am. Just stressed and tired because of these seizures.”

Fizz laid his body across you and Ozzie, his head on your lap. “Is that all? Or is there something more?”

•You kept it a secret for so long and it sucks because the anniversary is this friday and you really wanted it to be special. So, you told them everything, including skipping meds.

“I haven’t been sleeping a lot and I’m stressed because I’ve been working for months on this stupid performance for our anniversary.” You huffed. “And I may or may not be taking my meds.” You winced.

“WHAT?!” Ozzie yelled, but lowered his voice, “What? Why?”

“It’s too expensive and I feel so guilty that you have to pay and I feel like a burden.”

Fizz shot up, “You’re not a burden! We love you so much and want you to be healthy!”

“Don’t worry about the money, babe. I got it.”

“And sorry for spoiling the surprise.”

“Eh, I figured you were up to something.” Fizz smirked.

“What? How?” You laughed.

“I know you. I knew you longer than Ozzie.” He kissed your nose. “I can tell when you’re keeping secrets. But I’m VERY pissed at you for not taking your meds.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

Ozzie combed through your hair with his fingers, “Don’t ever apologize, and don’t ever skip your meds. I’m flattered you wanted to do a special performance for us, but we also care deeply about you. You’re not a burden, you’re our lover.”

[graysnetwork]

hello !! can i request gary "roach" sanderson x gn!reader headcanons ? like how he is in a relationship , how he got together with the reader etc. ( feel free to ignore if requests arent open ! )

Petition to get more Roach imagines, headcannons, and oneshots🪧👋

Edit mid writing: I got carried away with it😅

Edit from right after finishing this: I did this for a whole hour, please somebody get me a therapist this is not healthy.

GARY “Roach” SANDERSON X GN!READER HEADCANNONS

-

(If you weren’t in the military) you knocked on his door asking if he had a battery charger because nobody in the neighborhood seemed to have one

The moment his eyes captured you he was amazed by how pretty you were, he went to grab his charger for you, and gave it to you, you left and he saw that you lived right next door to him

He didn’t want to be a creep so he went back to cooking his dinner and listening to the tv, but you did stay stuck in his mind for those two hours, the way your eyes looked, the scent you radiated, and your smile when you said thank you and introduced yourself to him.

He remembered that at 6pm he heard an engine roaring, when he went out to look he saw you sitting in your car checking something, he saw how happy you looked, before he knew it you sped off, only leaving echoes.

—

(If you were in the military) you two were in different squads same units but never met, only ever seeing each other occasionally.

Price had called you in to talk with you, telling you— you would be working with another squad on a mission, then he introduced you to Roach

There was an immediate connection, something was there, some type of electricity that you couldn’t specify.

But nonetheless you are quite determined when it came to your job, even with you being confused with your emotions about Roach, you got your job done, that’s what made Roach more interested in you. How efficient you were, and how good at your job you were.

But apparently you two weren’t efficient enough to get out of the only building with a bomb planted in it, you two were so fixated on getting your teams out of the building and grabbing intel you two didn’t realize you were too late to get yourselves out of the building.

To you the bomb got louder with every tick it made, and when it finally gave off three quick ticks you prepared yourself. You felt someone grabbing you, covering you with their entire body wrapped around you and all you heard was the explosion and your ears began to ring. You opened your eyes for a few seconds seeing Roaches eyes before you passed out.

You woke up again hooked up to an IV and laying in front of a doctor/medic. The doctor called Price in and the first thing he said to you was “kid, I didn’t know you were being serious when you said you would die for this job” both of you chuckled. You looked around the room noticing someone in the chair next to your bed, it was Roach.

“He been waiting for you ever since he got out of his own bed” Price told you, you heart melted when you heard him say that, “he really cares about you, you should give him a chance” Price said, you looked back at him confused

“I saw the way you two looked at each other when you two first met, you should give it a shot. go on a date with him, you might love it” Price told you “yeah, I’ll think about it” you told him smiling

—

Now here’s the headcannons

He pretty quiet so he loves to listen to you talk about your day, even if it was bad, in that case he tries to cheer you up and make you feel better.

He’s a good cuddler, he likes being big spoon but prefer having you lay on his chest

(Loves it when he gets to be little spoon)

He’s a pretty good cook, you two have a schedule (he cooks on Monday, you cook on Tuesday, and so on)

But every once a month you two go out to a restaurant

(That’s when he’s home)

When his team found out he had a S/O they were pretty stunned but when they saw you in a picture/met you, they were astonished, I mean how did their mate Roach pull You?

(If you were in the military) they were messing with Roach when they started hearing rumors about him and you going out, but when Roach straight up told them it was true they were stunned, jaws were dropping.

Now if you weren’t in the military, you two moved in together somewhere else, roach had been wanting to move somewhere else so after two years you guys got a house together

Roach is a sweetheart, he’s literally such an amazing bf, like a golden retriever but can also just casually turn into German Shepard police dog

Roach doesn’t get jealous easily, it’s pretty hard to get him jealous cause he knows you would never cheat, but he does get mad when guys put there hands on you without consent (obviously)

(For non-military reader) So it’s not like he tries to stop you from going to car meets, he actually enjoys going with you

He finds that you actually know a few of the people there and he becomes friends with them because you always find them

He also takes note of the ones you like, the rims you like, the colors or wraps so he can make you a future Christmas or birthday gift.

Yeah he’s a good bf

NSFW? He’s probably like 7.6 inches maybe even a little bigger

He likes to give oral (a bit more than receiving)

Sometimes he gets lost in the moment and ends up hurting you a bit but never hurt hurting you, probably just digging his nails into your hips

Leaves hickeys each time, he can’t not leave a mark on you, he likes that it looks like claiming almost

Also likes waking up and seeing all the scratches on his back from the night before

(F!reader moment)

Loves it when (he’s giving you oral) and you push his head down, or wrap you legs around him more, it makes him go feral knowing you want more

Position? He probably just loves the basics: missionary, doggy, downward dog, cowgirl

Favorites are probably missionary and cowgirl

He’s open to do anything with you other than bdsm probably, like choking would never happen

As I said he loses himself in the moment sometimes so he would never even trust himself with choking you or wtv

—

That’s it 🤗

[catamaurrr-star]

MAURKRAFT DAY 3 - RECAP !!!!

we didnt p;ay yesterday cause i was busy ^_^

-NEW MEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAIA :D SHE HAS A TUMBLR BUT SHE DOESNT ACTUALLY USE IT SO IM NOT GONNA TAG IT -she built a little house :333 -I FISHD UP A MENDING BOOK GRIAN COULD FUCKING NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR -utas still making the mob farm!!!!!! And goijng insane while doing it. going well i think -kk has entered her farming arc. many a potato have been farmed by her hands!! -i gave kk a fishing rod cause she lost her old one -Th.the nether. OHHH FUCK THE NETHER -before uta joined me ice and kk went into a ruined portal nether portal and our spawn was shit. after uta joined we made one back at home and it wwas the SAME FUCKING SPAWN -we went looking around, i died but i quickly got my stuff back cause there was just an annoying magma cube whom i underestimated -we had to cross a pool of lava. already pretty scary! you'd think the way one of us died would be falling off of it but nope. I almost died though cause a fucking ghast shot me off and i logged out as SOON as i got hit -everyone else built a platform for me to drop on safely when i logged back in. uta died in thhe process but only lost their armor!!!!!!!! -ghast catastrophies. Scary -kk died twice and lost her fishing rod again cause it burnt in lava so i gave hher another one with curse of vanishing on it -We are not going to the nether again soon. -ice found a village!!!!!!!!!!!!! villagers :D -we got the villager freaky roommmmmm -kk died again. Lost the curse of vanishing fishing rod. gave her another one. 3 fishing rods just today -SHE FISHED UP A SILK TOUCH BOOK!!!!!!!!! WE WILL HAVVE A COMMUNAL SILK TOUCH PICKAXE SOON -ummmm i may be forgetting other things. other members feel free to tell me what ive missed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-SCREENSHOTS!!!

+ i FINALLY GOT GOOD PICS OF MY BASE

[fictitious-fluff]

IVE FINISHED THE GIFTTT even though its a few days late- I was your secret santa!!! Merry late Christmas XD

First time writing for tadc, was definitely interning. Might have been a little rushed and short since I had some trouble writing at the start, but I hope you like it ^^ @colinthegaycomputer hopefully I dont have any typos LOL

Tysm to @hypahticklish for hosting this @squealing-santa! Was rly funn

-

Unusual Comfort

Fandom: The Amazing Digital Circus (TADC)

No Pairings

Summary: A little situation left Pomni alone and down in the dumps. Kinger wants to help.

Word count: 827

Masterpost

Breathe.

That's what Ragatha would have said if she wasn't busy.

Jax and Zooble had been fighting and Gangle had been caught in the crossfire. Obviously, that didn't end well, with them becoming bound together. Ragatha had left Pomni near the stage while she helped the others out of a tangled gangle. A Pomni who was hyperventilating, but claimed she was alright to be left alone. She didn't want to make things worse. Ragatha didn't want to ask Kinger either. Someone who forgets what they are doing every 5 seconds would probably not be of help with the Gangle situation.

So here Pomni was, worrying over how she accidentally caused this whole mess when Gangle tripped on her. And a worried Kinger on the side of his fort.

"Hey Pomni, need some help there...?" Kinger finally walked over after contemplating for awhile. He might be mentally unstable but he still cared. He wasn't a monster...yet. "You want to come over and lie down? Relax a little?"

"H-huh? Oh. Uh s-sure I guess" She tried her best to have coherent words. Kind of hard to speak when you practically feel like you can't breathe.

Kinger put a hand behind Pomni and guided her to his pillow fort. Perhaps a little comfort could bring comfort to the poor jester.

Kinger brought out some water from his stash of snacks and handed it to Pomni. Can't have a fort without food and drinks. "Here, drink some water. It'll help to control your breathing. Drink slowly when you feel like you're breathing too fast."

Gulping down some water at first, Pomni started taking smaller sips. Eventually, her breathing did go back to normal. "Thanks.." Pomni replied, staring down at the drink.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Kinger broke the ice. "Do you need anything? You seem kind of down. Well, more than usual."

"Huh? Uh, no its fine." Pomni snapped back into reality. Her brows furrowed anxiously as sweat trickled down her forehead. Great, she just loved when people recognised she was uneasy.

More uncomfortable minutes of silence prompted Kinger to remember a trick Ragatha used to do for members of the digital circus. He didn't know what would be Pomni's reaction to it but... Was worth a shot.

"Would you like me to try something? It's just a thing Ragatha used to do to cheer up others" Kinger enquired.

Pomni wasn't rly listening at this point and just gave a 'mhm' without thinking. She was pretty spaced out.

What she didn't expect was fingers curling at her sides.

"Ghk-?! H-hey, what ahare you do-dohoing?" Pomni blurted out before covering her mouth, squatting down to evade the sensations. As much as she squirmed or turned, it never stopped. The fingers just expertly moved wherever she went. It didn't give her time to get used to one feeling, skittering and spidering all over.

Kinger followed as Pomni sank down. After a few more squeezes, he opted to change tactics, scratching in the hollows of her underarms.

Occasional muffled giggles and shaky breaths slipped out from her. It was unbearable but somehow felt weirdly...good? It made her grounded, real. You can't really think of anything else besides the maddening feeling while being tickled. Still, instincts kicked in. She tried to grab one of his wrists using one hand while the other still covered her mouth.

Emphasis on tried. You can't exactly hold on to a wrist that's not there, can you?

Kinger couldn't lie, it was actually kind of fun to see their friend laughing. She'd always been so on edge, it was nice to see her letting lose. He liked to see his friends being content.

As Kinger moved to lightly dusting her neck, Pomni squealed. Both her hands darting to her neck to try and protect it. Her shoulder and nose scrunching up as she twisted and leaned forward. Panicked squeaks poured out of her, now that she wasn't covering her mouth.

"You should let loose more often like this Pomni, it suits you." Kinger commented, as if he wasn't 'torturing' her right now. "It's good seeing you actually enjoy yourself."

Though that wasn't meant as a tease, it did embarrass Pomni a little. She blushed as she still tried to move away from the wriggling fingers. Pomni batted at them half heartedly.

Not wanting to overwhelm her, Kinger decided to relent. It was suppose to cheer her up anyways. "Feeling better?"

"Yeheah. Ihi think." Residue giggles lingered as Pomni rubbed off the tingles. She felt so..light. Like a weight had been lifted off of her. Guess laughter is the best medicine sometimes.

It was weird, she hadn't thought that tickling could have an effect on her like this. Or that she didn't actually mind it. Then again, she didn't really remember her past self so she didn't have much to compare.

Kinger grinned softly as he passed Pomni some more water to cool down.

"T-thanks for that.."

"Anytime."

[undeadbanjos]

Pls tell us about the divorce over fic

pffft yeah okay. but i warn, it's not as fun as it sounds. so. tw for an abusive marriage/relationship.

story time.

so those who follow me currently probably know me primarlily for being one of three people crazy over wishshipping or joey wheeler in general in the yugioh fandom. particularly writing a good 80+ chapter long fic.

however. this was not my first fic. my first fic... was for in space with markiplier.

for those who dont know, markiplier (yes, the youtuber) actually has his own series of (mostly) choose your own adventure videos. and theyre all connected. his last series of videos was split into two massive parts, and he did this q&a after it was all said and done and someone asked if he'd ever do a part 3.

he said, "no, that's up to one of you guys to write."

well after 3 days of obsessively checking ao3 no one had taken up that challenge and even though i had never written a piece of fiction in my life the hyperfixation was so strong i sat down and started writing.

and dear god something came over me. i had 8 chapters written in the span of a day.

for a while, id post two chapters a day. which is...insane. like why the fuck did i do that? but eventually i managed to narrow it down to one chapter a day (which i know is still insane and for some fucking reason is what i currently do when in my writing fits.)

being this manic long fic writer that came out of no where i started to get some attention. memes were made in support of my story. people were talking about it. hell, i started to make friends, really a first for me in fandom space. someone made a joke about making a discord server. i asked if that was a legitimate interest to anyone and i got an overwhelming yes from several people so, i made one.

my husband at the time, found out i was doing something different in my off time. i'd put the baby to bed and go to my computer and start writing. i was laughing a lot more and checking my phone a lot (for fic comments, a habit i still have while in my posting fits). finally he confronted me.

"What is it you're doing on your phone all the time?"

"I.... wrote a fanfic. I get a lot of comments."

"Is it a smut?"

annoyed, I confessed that yes, there were a few smut chapters. He asked if he could read it. I gave him the link.

he was deeply disturbed by the smut. (He didn't even read the rest of it. like....the actual story I was writing.) the smut? I mean dude you could go look at it but I mean it's pretty vanilla sex between two consenting fictional adults, but whatever. I knew he wouldn't like it. at this point in our marriage he had already stated everything I liked was annoying.

anyway. when he found out I had made friends... he got really upset. he didn't want me to have other "influences tainting my mind." i shot him back with the fact he has friends online, so why couldn't i? he didn't like it, but he warned me to be careful.

then i met sitch.

those of you who know me are nodding their head. ah, yes sitch. those who have stumbled upon this rambling probably can tell this is where the story takes a turn because i know how to set things up. by god ive written like 160 chapters of fanfiction at this point.

anywho. this guy comments on my fic and asks permission to make fanart for it. this was so fucking wild to me. fanart? for MY fic? like who would have thought. i reply enthusiastically with a yes and tell him im on tumblr so please tag me so i can see it. a few days pass and i get a dm. it's the same guy. he's made the fanart. i love it. we chat a little about the fic. about in space. about music. slowly it starts creeping into talking about life. about anything, everything. it was kinda wild how i had met someone and felt like ive known him forever. this of course, is sitch. when the discord thing came up, i decided to ask him for help, because i literally didnt even have a discord at the time.

sitch helps me with the discord. we find some mods. we open the floodgates. swear to god about 40-50 people come in. some are more chatty than others. we all chat like good friends. i update the fic daily. we all find out we relate to each other a lot. we have movie nights and game nights. i continue writing the fic, even getting help from sitch at this point. he's become sort of my beta reader. (and now he's my editor thank god the yujou means friendship people have no idea how blessed they are)

i realize. fuck. these people...really relate to me. like me even. and i like them.

and sitch....sitch in particular...i really like.

i am in deep shit.

at this point, my husband is making it well known how much he disapproves how im spending my time. not that... he wanted to spend time with me though? he locked himself in his office and would play his own games. what he didnt like is i had found people that i relate to. that i could talk to. meanwhile i was reaching the point i was afraid to say literally anything around him.

at this point, he started teasing me about "having a crush on markiplier" and he would "joke" about me leaving him for markiplier or some shit. He started arguing with me about sexuality and gender out of no where, knowing what my stance was on it.

I don't really want to get into what my breaking point was.

A few weeks went by. I started to confide in my friends, and I started to confide in Sitch. One night, my brain came up with some logic that if I told him about the feelings I was developing (because they were only growing) he would reject me and we'd laugh it off.

Unfortunately it wasn't so simple.

For a week we were in this odd stalemate. Living in different countries but talking constantly. Having essentially an emotional affair, but knowing there was nothing really to do. I had no belief that I could make it on my own, and I knew I would get a lot of backlash from my family if I were to leave my husband. The weekend came and my husband got it out of me. I had feelings for one of my online friends. And I had confessed it to him.

My husband took my laptop and went through the messages. All of them. i fled to my parents house and tried to warn sitch that he had my laptop.

The next day, my husband convinced me I needed to delete everything. The discord server. My Tumblr. Even the fic. He essentially convinced me I was at an all time low of horribleness, and I believed him.

A week later I couldn't take it anymore. I missed my friends. Id sadly felt more loved by them than anyone around me. Which yeah, is pretty damn pathetic. I left my husband, and found my friends had already made a new discord, waiting for me. They had downloaded the fic, which I slowly re-uploaded and eventually finished. And sitch and I slowly built our relationship, have now met in person, and we're hoping he's able to move down here soon.

So yeah. I wrote a Markiplier fanfic and it led to me getting a divorce. Which honestly, thank god. I don't want to think about what would have happened to me if I hadn't.

[old-poptart]

Bestie I’m back-

And I’m writing this request as I’m about to fall asleep Fr

But can I have an Amane x reader oneshot with his girlfriend who’s been overworking herself?? Like Amane and her are living in an apartment together and she has been getting little to no sleep due to her job. One day Amane comes home to her fallen asleep at her work table. When Amane finally takes her to the bed, she’s half asleep whispering how much she adores him (she’s half asleep so she’s just spitting all this out with no regrets and filter- I act like a drunk when I’m half asleep-)

I HAD THIS IDEA AND HAD TO REQUEST IT FROM SOMEONE

Thank youuu!!!

a/n: RAHHHH I LOVE ONE SHOTS AND THIS IDEA ITS SO STINKIN CUTEEEEE, ofc you can request from me darlin muah 😽

warnings: fluff so sweet you'll have to pay the dentist a visit, mentions of lack of sleep, over working yourself

Amane with his overworked s/o (female) 🩹:

"rest in my arms, my pretty girl.. ive got ya"

drops splashed on your window, the wind tousling the trees' leaves, what a day today. you barely had any time to spend with your choppy haired boy, amane, the love of your life. you've been known to be a pretty hard worker, you've been commemorated and praised for that. that praise filled something inside of you like it was what kept ya goin'. if you didn't seek validation and a good product, what's the point, right?

"alright, just gotta do these assignme..nts!! then gotta do that thingy and.." those words kept breaking apart everytime your unfiltered voice spoke, lack of sleep was taking an affect to a lot of things but hey! at least you're getting your job done, right? your head wanted to rest itself on that rock hard desk but you resisted. eventually your tiredness said otherwise and made it collapse onto the surface, a sigh escaping your lips.

"sweetheart..?" oh the sweet sound of love rang in your ears, amane always had a way with his words and that carried into the names he gave you. he'd call you all sorts of stuff, my pretty baby, pumpkin, sugar, cutie pie, anything that was as sweet as you was the perfect name for his love. he walked in your workspace, seeing how he was in his pajamas already and was clearly waiting for that snuggle session you promised him earlier.

"hmm..? oh amane, my loveee..!" you picked your head up so that you could look at him properly, a smile tugging onto the corners of your lips and your eyes sleepily but lovingly gazing at him. you couldn't see it that well, but a blush rose to his pale cheeks.

"darling, you need to sleep! it's past midnight.." your boyfriend begged you as he poked your cheek, it just made your drunk like self to be even more lovey dovey. you just loved him so much, what would you do without that angel who also happens to be a hunk of junk~?

"awh but i wanna be with youuuu!! you're just so perfect, i love ya so muchhh" your words were slurred as if you were on your fifth shot of tequila, no words that came out of your blabbering mouth were thought over and it honestly made amane chuckle despite how flushed he was.

an idea sparked in his head, he can take advantage of your sleepy mindset. "you did promise me that cuddle session earlier, you can make it up to me now~" he grinned as he held your hand in his, ready to lead you to bed. "oh yes pleaseee" your half lidded eyes wandered into his gentle but teasing honey glazed eyes. you got up, but you both soon realized you might be too sleepy to even walk to bed!

"alrighty then, 'guess we'll have to do this another way..~" he wrapped his arms around your body, picking you up bridal style and walking you over to bed. you were so sleepy you didn't even get flushed at this adorable action, instead you fawned over how princely he was and how he meant the world to you, how sweet~

his cheeks getting warmer, amane placed you in bed gently as he tucked you in. he also got all cozy with you too, i mean you two are like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly for each other. your head used his arm as a pillow as the other caged you tightly so you wouldn't leave, it was all you wanted. "you're so sweet.. my prince charming..~" your voice couldn't help but sleepily whisper sweet nothings into his ear as you fell asleep, man he felt like the happiest man alive. what would he do without his pretty girl?

GAHHHHH ROLLIN IN BED RN- HOPE YOU ENJOY!

-ooga :D

[venzilanddeathcult]

BELATED NEW YEARS LIST OF COOL ALBUMS I DISCOVERED IN 2023 OH BOY THIS POST IS GONNA BE LONG

2023 was without a doubt the year ive listened to the most music in all of my life, so there's quite a hefty bit of albums to list, and i'll try to put them in a loose order of when i listened to them, but no promises!

I will limit it to one album per band, while noting the other ones i could have listened to within the text

Sadly, i didn't get around to hearing The Beggar by SWANS yet, so it won't make this list. that said heres the first one lol

SPIDERLAND

(By Slint)

Also known as the "how the fuck did a bunch of dudes in their early 20s make something this fucking great" album

I first listened to this one at a friend's house since he had it on vinyl, and halfway through the album i was losing my shit and repeatedly exclaiming loudly how fucking amazing the album was

It's very hard to put into words just how fucking good this album is, it's definitely one of the albums that put me onto Post Rock as a whole, and changed the way i view guitar playing pretty significantly

Every song feels immaculately constructed (the weakest one being the short instrumental that comes right before my personal favorite, Good Morning, Captain, the final song of the album that's linked above) and the raw emotional output won me over pretty early into my first listen. It is now my second favorite album of all time, good shit, i urge anyone reading who hasn't listened yet to give it a shot

Give their first album a listen too!

THE POD

(By Ween)

Not much i can say about this album i haven't said before i think, so here are the notes i took about it while listening to it for the first time (on a plane ride)

"Listened to this album during the plane ride Might be one of Ween's best It's so noisy and shitty and gross Only enchanced by the plane ride nausea and the very low energy feel the altitude gives It's Like if the Best album of all time got recorded on the shittiest hardware ever i'm Gonna listen to it a lot I can tell The noisiest part of the [referring to the last song here] song started on the most turbulent part of the ride And I was all for it"

I was already a Ween fan by this point, but hadn't listened to their earlier stuff, especially The Pod since every attempt at listening to it made me genuinely nauseous for some reason, but damn did braving through the album pay off. it's one of my favorite Ween albums and every time i get a fever i put it on to at least find some comfort in the wooziness. big recommendation

OCTAHEDRON

(By The Mars Volta)

I've been a Mars Volta fan since very early 2022, but i didn't get around to exploring their full catalogue until after the release of their comeback album later that same year, with Octahedron being the last of them (the rest i gave first listens to in 2022)

It's a decently strong change from their previous album (The Bedlam in Goliath), which was probably their most intense and chaotic album, although it definitely fell flat in a few aspects (Weirdly produced, some filler that could have been cut out that makes some stuff sound samey, something that wasn't much of an issue with Volta albums up until that TBiG)

It feels like it sort of harkens back to their earlier albums such as Frances the Mute and Tremulant while also going forward in a direction that makes sense considering 2012's Noctourniquet.

It's still not something as well constructed as their earlier albums, but it's a seriously good effort and worth listening to at least once, some seriously catchy and memorable songs in here

IN TIMES NEW ROMAN...

(By Queens Of The Stone Age)

I've been a fan of Queens Of The Stone Age for basically as long as i can remember, which only intensified in the pandemic as i would spend my days listening to Era Vulgaris on loop for hours and hours

There was not a single album from them that i didn't love, something about their entire style is extremely appealing to my ears, and when i heard they would release a new album i damn near shat myself and eagerly awaited for news

Then Emotion Sickness came out, with it's Era Vulgaris-reminiscent sound, ESPECIALLY the chorus and i couldn't be happier, there was absolutely no end to my hype

And thankfully, once the album came out, i realized these motherfuckers STILL have it in them to make a really fucking solid rock album, it seems they shed the slightly more polished sound of Villains and went back to that good old rougher sound they used to have, while not ditching some of the bells and whistles that made their reunion records work

Seriously solid album and i'd recommend it to anyone that enjoys this style of rock. good stuff

Church goes here

CONTEMPORARY MOVEMENT

(By Duster)

Shed away all of those memes about Sisyphus featuring a song off this album and underneath you will find a really emotional slowcore album with such an immaculate vibe i can't help but just. sink into it as i listen, if that makes sense

Before listening to this album i was a big fan of that Experimental Dust bootleg, but had never listened to their other stuff until i did

Almost every song is just oozing with this unmistakably Duster sound that is so perfectly melancholic you cant help but just be right there with them, it's some seriously great stuff, lovely album.

I also listened to Stratosphere, but i didn't listen to it much so i don't feel like it fits in this post, but rest assured it's a damn good time as well. Great album, very sad, should probably only listen to it in a good headspace but you do you

WISH YOU WERE HERE

(By Pink Floyd)

Enough said. its peak

same applies to Animals

A FUCK TON OF ALBUMS

(By SWANS)

No, really, just in 2023 i gave first listens to:

To Be Kind

The Seer

White Light From The Mouth of Infinity

Love of Life

Greed

The Great Annihilator

The Burning World

It's too much to talk about, but SWANS is one of my favorite bands, and honestly, if you're really curious, just shoot me a DM for thoughts on any of these albums haha, i'm always overjoyed to talk about music with people, especially SWANS.

loveless

(By my bloody valentine)

One of my biggest regrets is not listening to this album in full earlier than i did. It's seriously such a fucking incredible experience from start to finish that i can't even find much to say about it that hasn't been said before, just give it a listen

MT EERIE

(By The Microphones)

Sorry kids i havent listened to the glow pt 2 yet cant talk about it

I randomly discovered The Microphones on my youtube recommendations one day while listening to completely unrelated music, but clicked due to the artwork catching my interest and was completely enthralled by their melancholic acoustic sound followed by real intense percussion in some songs, and the flirting with experimentation that goes on throughout the entire album, it's seriously great and it touched me in a way not much music has. Big recommendation

IN RAINBOWS

(By Radiohead)

It's hard to say something about this album that hasn't been said already, so i won't.

Give it a listen, even if you're not a fan of their usual stuff, this album still stands out as a pretty interesting project and i enjoy it quite a lot

Also listened to from them this year: OK Computer and Kid A, heavily enjoyed both but In Rainbows remains my favorite

DOOLITTLE

(By Pixies)

Now for my most listened album of the year, spawned from the same night that got me into Spiderland (my 2nd most listened to album...go figure)

Having listened to Where Is My Mind? upon watching Fight Club, that was sadly the only Pixies song i stuck to for a while, but once i heard this album i kept on digging and digging through it to finally get what it is that made me enjoy this band's sound

It actually took me quite a fucking while to fully "get" this album, but the album slowly earned my full appreciation and became something i'd spend days listening to on loop, enjoying the ride from start to finish, it's a seriously good album, and if you wanna hear where some of that 90s rock dynamic came from, this and Surfer Rosa are considered some of the most notable precursors to it, so there you have it. give it a listen!

CLUBE DA ESQUINA

(By Milton Nascimento & Lô Borges)

LINK TO "Tudo O Que Você Podia Ser" FROM THE ALBUM (10 VIDEOS PER POST LIMIT LOL)

I struggle to choose a singular song to link, because every part of this album is crafted with such intricate musicianship and mix matching of Brazilian tradition with a foreign, beatles-esque flavor which is so smoothly and lovingly woven into the entire record. It's an absolute must for anyone interested in the music of Brazil, and one of my absolute favorite albums of all time. i recommend this one to every person i discuss music with, it's a seriously outstanding achievement of an album. give it a listen.

CENTER OF ATTENTION

(By InI)

LINK TO "No More Words" FROM THE ALBUM

I am a HUGE fan of the Jazz Rap style developed in the east coast during the 90s, and InI's shelved debut is one of those crowning examples i now look to when introducing people to the style. Right from the start the album sets you in it's laid back vibe, with it's nice groovy beats that tastefully sample old jazz records in a way that really adds to the album's whole atmosphere. Great album, give it a try.

DUMMY

(By Portishead)

LINK TO "Sour Times" FROM THE ALBUM

While regrettably not having listened to the rest of their output, this album still manages to blow me away every single time i listen to a song off it. There's something so lovable about the gloomy atmosphere paired with those spy movie ass guitars and absolutely breathtaking vocals. every member plays such a strong part in the album's atmosphere to the point you can pay attention to just one component and still be interested the whole way through. this album is so fucking good. give it a listen

SPEAKERBOXXX / THE LOVE BELOW

(By OutKast)

LINK TO "Church" FROM THE FIRST SIDE OF THE ALBUM

LINK TO "Love Hater" FROM THE SECOND SIDE OF THE ALBUM

Outkast has always been one of my favorites in rap, but i never took the time to listen to their biggest project, the double album Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, which is kind of two solo albums from Big Boi and Andre 3000 (in that order) packaged as an Outkast album, but god damn, they made it work really well.

EVERY single song in this album is a fucking banger (GhettoMusick being one of my favorites), the only thing holding it down are some skits that, while some of them are pretty funny, still leave you just wanting to get to the next track, but anyone who's listened to enough rap albums already knows how this stuff goes (first wu-tang album, anyone?)

One of my favorite rap albums, give it a shot, i guarantee at least 3 songs from it will be stuck in your head after.

PAUL'S BOUTIQUE

(By Beastie Boys)

LINK TO "The Sounds of Science" FROM THE ALBUM

Another one of such cases where every song is a banger, the songs are all so fucking awesomely creative i can't help but have a wide smile on my face every time i listen, the crazy amount of samples in this album really makes it quite a unique listen, especially as a Beatles fan which means The Sounds Of Science is enough whiplash to give J.K. Simmons a run for his money

Really fun album, give it a shot

MELLON COLLIE AND THE INFINITE SADNESS

(By The Smashing Pumpkins)

LINK TO "Tales Of A Scorched Earth" FROM THE ALBUM

I've been a moderate Smashing Pumpkins fan since i was a kid, with Siamese Dream being a favorite, and Drown being one of my favorite songs of all time at that point, but i never took the time to listen to the album that followed it, partly due to it being so massive, but once i took the plunge i spent the next 2 hours sitting in my chair absolutely floored by every song that came my way. This is a seriously impressive album from start to finish and it's one i'll cherish for years to come, every song feels like it's earned it's place, with both the soft and hard songs being equally interesting and ear catching.

Outstanding album, give it a listen.

THE FAT OF THE LAND

(By The Prodigy)

LINK TO "Breathe" FROM THE ALBUM

I'm usually not much of an electronic music guy, but this album really caught my attention after watching Dario Casali's playthrough of Half-Life of all things, where he said he would frequently listen to The Prodigy during development, so i decided to give it a shot, having heard some of their music (Particularly in the film Kick-Ass) and i spent the next week or so religiously listening to this album on loop, it's so endlessly replayable and just fun to listen to that i instantly became hooked. Aside from that, there's not much to say, it's a very fun, energetic album, give it a shot.

THE ENTIRE FUCKING SYSTEM OF A DOWN DISCOGRAPHY

(By...yeah)

LINK TO "Soil" FROM "System Of A Down"

LINK TO "Prison Song" FROM "Toxicity"

LINK TO "Fuck the System" FROM "Steal This Album!"

LINK TO "Radio / Video" FROM "Mezmerize"

LINK TO "Vicinity Of Obscenity" FROM "Hypnotize" (not sure why people dislike this one?)

Same deal as SWANS, too much to talk about, shoot me a dm about it if you're really that curious, i don't mind.

ALL OF IT IS FUCKING GREAT. GIVE THEM A LISTEN. ENOUGH SAID

F♯ A♯ ∞

(By Godspeed You! Black Emperor)

LINK TO "East Hastings" FROM THE ALBUM

It's hard for me to put into words what listening to this album for the first time did for me. It's one of the most atmospheric, wonderful things i've ever had the pleasure of listening to, all 3 songs in this masterpiece keep me entranced until the very last second, including the very unnecessarily long silence at the end of Providence for the hidden song. I have yet to listen to their next album, which i've been told by a mutual is even better, so i'm very excited for that. Give this one a listen.

MARQUEE MOON

(By Television)

LINK TO "See No Evil" FROM THE ALBUM

god i am not a fan of this album cover

that being said, this album is a pretty nice, post punkish record which reminds me a lot of 80s Talking Heads, but i don't have much to say about it. it's simply a good album, and i recommend it heavily. give it a shot

THE UNNATURAL WORLD

(By Have A Nice Life)

LINK TO "Guggenheim Wax Museum" FROM THE ALBUM

I fucking love Deathconsciousness, but stayed at that album for a while, until, for whatever reason, during my initial playthrough of Dark Souls 1 (great game, by the way, enjoyed it lots) i decided to give it a spin and wound up listening to it for basically the rest of the game. It has this gloomy vibe HANL is known for, but it feels like its played a lot more straight than Deathcon, it feels darker, i dunno.

Very good follow-up, even if i think the previous album is overall stronger, this one is still a great listen

LEAVES TURN INSIDE YOU

(By Unwound)

LINK TO "Radio Gra" FROM THE ALBUM

I regrettably struggle to find much to say about this album, which is a shame because i really do love it a lot.

It has this sound that is at times reminiscent of Slint, which made me immediately fall in love, while still standing out as it's own thing, it's a very good fucking album from start to finish, but that's all i can say about it really, i need to listen to it more, and Unwound's other stuff.

Big recommendation right here

FRANKENCHRIST

(By Dead Kennedys)

LINK TO "MTV - Get Off The Air" FROM THE ALBUM

Dead Kennedys is one of my favorite bands (Old Testament DK anyways, Dead Kennedys without Jello is kinda wack, sorry!), and their previous album, Plastic Surgery Disasters remains one of my favorite punk rock records to date, but i had not yet listened to the latter half of their discography, something i now regret, since it's equally as good.

Frankenchrist is a bit of detour from PSD's VERY harsh sound, sounding a little more rounded, less noisy if that makes sense, but Jello Biafra's biting social commentary and witty writing remains intact through it all and makes for an album as entertaining and awesome as the rest of their work. Seriously great, listen to it.

MAGGOT BRAIN

(By Funkadelic)

LINK TO "Maggot Brain" FROM THE ALBUM

Having started my musical ambitions as an aspiring Funk guitarist (part of why my right hand strums so loosely haha), Funkadelic was always on my radar, with their debut album being one of the albums i listened to the most and looked for inspiration in during the pandemic, but for some reason, i never opted to listen to Maggot Brain until this year, which, as is per usual for albums i dont listen to, was a big fucking mistake, since this album is filled with bangers from start to finish. I love it to death.

An absolute must-listen to any funk rock fans

AT ACTION PARK

(By Shellac)

LINK TO "Crow" FROM THE ALBUM

Being a fan of Steve Albini's work both in production and with Big Black, listening to Shellac eventually was a no-brainer, but i procrastinated on it until a particularly lengthy hospital visit where i had enough time to kill and listened to this album, being taken in by that noisy goodness until the album finished. I struggle to find something to say, but the song structures in this album are so weird and they don't hesitate to stay longer than usual and linger on some chords which gives songs this really punchy vibe i can't describe. Great album.

AND FINALLY....

UNDERTOW

(By TOOL)

LINK TO "Prison Sex" FROM THE ALBUM

I'm a huge fan of TOOL, but never listened to their debut until i saw it on a mutual's top albums list, which convinced me i should give it a shot, and so i did!

...On the fucking last hour of 2023

I shit you not, the album ended in the last fuckign MINUTE of the year. 23:59. Finished listening and immediately got up to await the countdown.

That aside, you can really see how they went from this to Ænima, as it has a lot of the harder parts of that album, with less...esoteric(?) peculiarities inbetween, while still being a really good fucking album and enjoyable from start to finish, there wasn't a single song that had me bored. A worthy album to finish the year with...and this list!

FINALLY finished writing this absolute behemoth of a post, and i hope it at least gets one person to check these albums out.

Here's to a great 2024 for all! Thanks for reading!

[faofinn]

DAY 10: difficulty breathing

@febuwhump

When Fao’s phone rang in the middle of the night, he startled awake, fumbling for it in the dark. He’d been out for dinner that night, definitely wasn’t sober, but the adrenaline was already doing a pretty good job of fixing that. They didn’t give him much information over the phone, just that they’d got a GSW and their rough location, in code so they’d be safe if anyone else happened to be listening. They were too far out to get back to the basement, and Fao would need to meet them halfway to treat. 

He woke Ely, gave her a quick update, and pulled on some clothes, the first thing he found on the floor, his shirt and trousers from the evening. He didn’t have time to go looking for anything else, and bolted out of the house. There was kit in his car, and he knew there was kit in the van. He wasn’t sure what he’d need, but between both he’d probably have everything he needed. He sped through the streets to the meet location he’d been given, ditched his car somewhere safe, and scrambled into the van. 

“What am I doing? Talk to me.” He asked breathlessly. 

Harrison had become combative as he deteriorated, struggling between conscious and not. It scared the men, and they'd all taken a step back, too uncomfortable to help.

Fao was a welcome sight, his reputation preceding him. 

"Uh, Harrison got shot. He won't let us near him, so we haven't."

Fao’s heart sank. Of course it was Harrison. “Oh, good. Just him bleed out all over the van, then.” He snapped, quickly throwing his hair up into a bun. “I need proper light, one of you sort that.” His voice was cold, commanding, rolling his sleeves up and quickly looking Harrison over. It wasn’t hard to see where the blood was coming from, and he shifted his weight to brace himself as he grabbed gauze and put as much pressure on it as he dared. “You. Come here, take over the pressure.”

“I, uh, I…” 

“Shut up, I don’t want to hear it. Cover my hands with yours and hold the pressure until I say otherwise. Unless you want to start an IV? No? Didn’t think so.” He snapped, as the other man took over. He wiped his bloody hands off on his shirt, and shifted over slightly to Harrison’s arm, eyes looking critically for a vein as he rifled through the kit. 

The pain somehow got worse. Harrison wasn't sure how, but it did. He cried out through gritted teeth, trying to arch away. It took a moment to coordinate, but he started swinging, trying to get away. 

Fao ducked out of the way, catching Harrison’s fist and gently forcing his arm back down. “Harrison? It’s okay, you’re okay. It’s Fao, I’ve got you. Try and relax, you’re safe now. I’m helping, alright? Let me help.”

"He's going to hit me!"

“He’s half unconscious, try harder to dodge him.” Fao shot back. “I’m working as fast as I can.” He gritted his teeth as he tried desperately to get a vein, struggling with poor light and Harrison’s struggling. He got one eventually, shouting triumphantly. It wasn’t enough, and he wanted more access, but he could at least get some pain relief in, hopefully settle him. 

Harrison twisted as Fao shouted, whining as he tried to get away. His chest heaved as he struggled to get his breath, the feeling he was drowning all too much. 

“Sorry, sorry.” Fao soothed. “You’re okay, I’ve got you. It’s gonna be okay, Hars. Just focus on doing that breathing, let me to do the rest. Giving you something for the pain, now, gonna make it easier.” He told him, quickly checking the drug before he gave it. 

His shouts died down into cries, quiet whimpering softly to himself. The pain had started to ease slightly, making it easier to focus. It made breathing more difficult, though, and he couldn't stop the panic coursing through him. 

“You’re okay, that’s it. Well done, keep breathing for me.”

He turned his head, looking towards Fao's voice. "Help."

“I’m helping, I promise.”

"It hurts." He managed, finally managing to focus on him. 

“I know, I know. I’ve given you some painkillers, they’ll work soon.” 

"'m dying."

“No you’re not. Just focus on your breathing for me, let me sort the rest.”

"I am." 

“That’s it, good.” Fao reassured. There was so much blood, and he was really struggling to properly control it. The van went over a bump and jolted, and Fao tried to brace himself on his knees. “Fucking hell.”

Harrison whined, trying to pull away from the pain. It was everywhere, though, and there was nothing he could do.

“Well done, that’s it.” He soothed. “I’ve got you.” He stretched for his kit, rifling through to try and find what he needed. He needed a trained someone, anyone who he could trust. Not Harrison’s little team. 

Frustrated and tired, he started fighting against the other man. He got a solid elbow in their ribs, the relief of pressure against his side just bliss. 

“I know, I know.” Fao murmured, moving to try and pack the wound. 

He twisted again, curling away from Fao. His scream died on his tongue, his hands pushing against Fao's. 

“I’m sorry, I know it hurts.” Fao muttered. He was happy enough with the packing, and moved to try and get a listen to Harrison’s chest. It was loud on the van, and he struggled to keep his balance as he listened, swearing to himself. 

Harrison could feel himself slipping, the ceiling of the van swimming in and out of focus. Even the pain couldn't keep him conscious, his head lolling.

Fao’s stomach twisted as Hars lost consciousness, but he was relieved in a way. At least he wasn’t in pain. He didn’t like what he was hearing at all from his chest, and dug in his kit to find what he needed for a chest drain. It certainly wouldn’t be perfect, but it would do. He didn’t even bother talking to the other men as he grabbed a scalpel, found his landmark, and made the cut. 

He definitely felt that, and he cried out again, but he wasn't with it any more. The men beside Fao retched, especially as blood quickly poured from the drain.

Fao rolled his eyes as the men retched. What he wouldn’t give for Steve or Finn or someone. Trying to manage this completely on his own wasn’t working. He took a set of obs as best he could, blood soaking his trousers and making them cling to him. The numbers he got back were more than a bit concerning, despite his interventions, and they weren’t getting any better. Fuck. 

Harrison coughed and choked, spots of blood on his lips. His resps were through the roof, his heart rate doing its best to compensate for his blood pressure circling, for his blood volume pooling on the floor. He managed to catch Fao's eye, and he met his gaze with panic and fear in his eyes. 

Fao locked eyes with Harrison. “I’ve got you, Tomcat. You’re gonna be okay.” He told him firmly. Things were just consistently getting worse, though, and Fao felt considerably out of control. He gave as much TXA as he felt he could, but it wasn’t close to enough to help the bleeding. 

“How far out are we?” He snapped, asking whoever cared to listen. 

"We've still got at least fifteen minutes."

“Fuck’s sake.” 

Hars could feel himself slipping again, missing parts of the conversation. He grabbed for Fao's top, his hand leaving more bloodied streaks across it. 

"I want Steve."

“We’re gonna be with him really soon, Hars.” Fao murmured. “He’s gonna be waiting for us at home.”

He shook his head. "I'm not gonna make it."

“As if I’m giving up on you. I’m gonna make sure you’re okay, alright? Hold on for me.”

He knew Fao was trying his best, and he’d continue to do nothing but. He trusted Fao with his life, and they unfortunately kept ending up in situations where it was tested. It didn’t take a genius to know he wasn’t okay, and the small bit or working brain he had left had worked out it probably wasn't going to end well. 

He forced his eyes open again, though he didn't remember closing them. "It's okay."

Fao’s repeat set of obs were no better. In fact, they were worse. He swallowed thickly, digging around in his pocket for his phone. He needed to talk to Steve, needed someone medical he could talk to, to reassure him he wasn’t completely out of his mind. 

He chucked it on the floor of the van on speaker as it rang, and he prayed he’d answer. 

"Fao, talk to me. I heard the call for medical."

“It’s Hars, and it’s bad. We’re still miles out, in the back of a shitty van, and all I have is my kit.”

Hars stirred again. "Steve?"

"Hey, Hars. You causing problems for Fao, eh?" He tried to sound light for him, but even he could hear the waver in his tone. He cleared his throat. "What's happened with him? Head to toe, obs, and what kit do you have?"

“GSW, it’s gone just under his vest, entry is the abdo but exit is further up into the chest. Haemothorax on the right. I’ve got a drain in but it’s putting out so much fucking blood. Pulse 138, BP 76/50, SpO2 94 on high flow, Resps sitting at 36, he's still not getting chest rise on the right. He's with it enough, but he's starting to pass out and stay out. I've given the TXA but it's just not stopping. The floor is covered, I'm covered. It’s my kit, it’s decent. Airway kit, ket, paralytics, TXA. I’m just out of my fucking depth here, nobody else knows a fucking thing and I feel like I’m going insane.”

Steve took a moment. Well, fuck. "Right. Take a breath. Reassess, keep going ABCs. You need to get on top of that bleeding. He's not going to be able to compensate forever. Have you got anything to give? Will they follow instructions?"

“I know he won’t compensate forever.” Fao snapped. “I’ve got saline but no blood. They’re fucking useless, hadn’t touched him at all when I showed up. Not even put pressure on.”

"Fucking hell. Okay. Fluid bolus, see if that helps his pressure at all. He's not going to hold his airway by himself if he goes, so just be careful."

Fao quickly set up the fluids, wiping his hands on his trousers as he struggled with the connectors. Fluids running, he forced himself to breathe. “Alright. Fluids in. I want to sort his airway before it becomes a problem.”

"If you're thinking RSI, you need to trust they can help." 

"Steve." Harrison interrupted again, apparently unaware of the conversation. 

“I don’t think I’m going to have a choice, Steve. I’m watching him deteriorate in front of me, and we’re still miles out.”

"You can see him, not me. Do what you think is best."

Unimpressed by Steve's lack of response, he shoved at Fao with a frustrated grunt. "Steve."

Fao huffed. “Thank you, Hars.” He muttered under his breath. “He’s very insistent that he wants you, Steve.”

"Hars, we're just trying to help you."

"No." He shook his head, though Steve couldn't see, and Fao wasn't sure he didn't realise that. 

“We are, I’m doing my best right now Hars. Focus on breathing like I said.” 

He sniffed, setting himself off coughing again. The pain exploded again, despite the morphine, and, once more, slipped under. 

God, it was just getting worse. He hated watching Harrison slip into unconsciousness again, powerless to stop it. 

"Fao, talk to me." Steve's tone was tense, and Fao could hear him pacing. 

“Unconscious again, I’m repeating obs.” Fao replied, his own tone similarly tense. 

"Come on, Hars. Don't do this." Steve murmured, wishing he was there with them. 

The blood pressure cycled, protesting at the numbers. It continued tightening, way into the two hundreds, and Harrison gave a whine. He tried to pull away from it, panicked. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Just give it a minute, I know it’s uncomfy.” Fao murmured, but it wasn’t a good sign. He knew full well it wasn’t high enough to need that kind of pressure - it was just struggling for a read full stop. 

Harrison, of course, didn't listen. He twisted away, an unintelligible shout in both pain and frustration. 

"Hars, listen to Fao. He's looking after you."

“It’s alright, it’s okay.” Fao tried vainly to soothe. But sure enough the blood pressure gave up, failing to get a read, and Fao’s stomach dropped. “Fluids haven’t done shit. It won’t even read, just cycles until it gives up.”

"You're going to have to give more, you can't RSI that low. Has he got a radial?"

It took Fao a moment. “No. Nothing.” 

"Give him fluids."

“I might as well just pour them on the fucking floor.” Fao muttered, but swapped the bag over to give more. 

"Just try."

“Yeah, they’re running.”

Harrison screwed his face up, managing to squint at Fao. He was sure he'd heard Steve too, but the huddle of men behind Fao were too small to be him. 

“That’s it Hars, you’re alright.” Fao said softly, half as reassurance for himself. 

"Where's Steve?" He slurred, more of a mumble than anything. 

“On the phone with me.” Fao replied. 

"Right here, Hars."

“Both of us are looking after you.”

"Sorry."

“Don’t apologise.” Fao said firmly. 

Harrison lapsed back into silence, somewhere between conscious and not. As the blood pressure started again, he whined once more, but didn't pull away. 

Harrison’s blood was drying on his hands, as Fao waited for the machine to read, praying it would give him something. Just a number would be better than the endless cycling. 

Harrison's breath caught in his throat again, and his frown deepened. He knew Fao was looking after him, and Steve was there too, somewhere. He could see Fao leaning over him, doing things in slow motion. Which left Steve..

"Dad?"

Fao’s stomach twisted, and the noise Steve made over the crackled phone line was less than dignified. 

“I’m right here, Hars. I’m right here, I’ve got you.” He replied, his voice wavering. “You’re going to be okay.”

He seemed to have a sudden rush of energy, though his observations were still terrible, and his prognosis even worse. 

"Thank you." He muttered softly.

Fao sucked in another deep breath, forcing himself to re-focus. He had to keep doing this. “Blood pressure is a little less shit. I’ve at least got a number.”

"That's good." Steve managed. 

Harrison reached for Fao’s hand, for a moment of comfort in his desperation. 

Fao squeezed his fingers. “I’ve got you.” He murmured. He laid out his airway kit with the other hand, leaving smears of blood all over it, though he didn’t notice. He needed the blood pressure up a bit more before he could fully RSI, but it never hurt to prepare. 

The squeeze managed to help, a tiny hint of a smile gracing Harrison's blood-splattered lips. He tried his best, his fingers twitching in Fao's before his eyes rolled. It didn’t take long for things to go south, as Hars took a breath and then stopped. 

“Fuck.” Fao muttered, snatching up his kit. He couldn’t put this off any longer now, he needed control of his airway. Unsure just how conscious he was, having watched him flick in and out, Fao chatted away to him as he sorted it, half to keep himself from losing it. “Alright Hars. That’s you finding your limit, hmm? It’s okay, I’ll take over from here. Got some meds to get you off to sleep now, so you can have a nap whilst I do the hard work.” He quickly pushed the ket, watching him carefully. There were men clustered around Harrison’s head, and Fao snapped at them to move, which they did. Happy with his sedation, he pushed his roc, bagged until he was happy with it, and snatched up his tube and laryngoscope. He was rusty with his intubations, of course, so what better time to practice than in a dark, moving van covered in blood? But Harrison, for all he made Fao’s life difficult, apparently wasn’t a difficult airway, and Fao got it first time. He shouted triumphantly, checked his placement, and then secured it. 

“Tube’s in, airway’s secure.”

Steve let out a shaky breath. "Good. Well done."

Fao couldn’t breathe for Harrison forever, not if he was going to continue to manage the bleeding. “Which one of you lot is the most competent here? Who’s not a complete idiot?” He asked. 

They were all quiet, slightly afraid of Harrison and definitely afraid of Fao. After a moment, one of them stepped forward.

"I can help. What do you need?"

Fao looked up. “Are you capable of breathing?” 

"For him?"

Fao huffed. “Essentially, yes. Every time you take a breath, I want you to squeeze this to breathe for him, too. Can you do that?” He asked, demonstrating. “I can’t sit here and do it, I’ve got other stuff to do.”

Panic flashed across his face. "Okay. Yeah." He swallowed, taking a moment. It was Harrison. He'd got him out of shit so many times before, it was only fair to return the favour. "I can do that."

“Just whenever you breathe, breathe for him too. Just got to think about breathing. Okay?”

"Okay." He moved to take Fao's place. "I can do that."

“Shout if you get stuck.” Fao murmured, and moved away, to carefully take yet another set of obs, praying they were better than before. 

Steve hated being so far away, so unable to do anything. "Fao, talk to me."

“I’m taking obs.” Fao shot back. “I’ll tell you stuff when I know it.”

"You just went silent. I need to know what's happening."

“I’m trying to concentrate!”

"Fine, hurry up."

“Going as fast as I can.” He muttered. For once, Harrison’s obs had trended slightly upwards, and Fao was glad of it. “A bit better. SpO2 has come up, as has his BP.”

"Good. The tube will be helping with his sats."

“Yeah, that’s why I did it.” Fao said flatly. 

"I just mean that he's not going to be resping at fifty or some shite."

“Yeah.”

"How's the bleeding doing?"

“Still fucking bleeding.”

"I've put a call out for more blood, you just need to get back."

“I’ll need the whole trauma setup.” Fao muttered, doing his best to manage the bleeding. “Can you go up and wake Ely? I’m going to need her.”

"Everyone's up. They're just sorting the basement out."

“Good.” Fao was relieved he had a team waiting for him. 

"If the second lot of fluids helped, you can give him another 500 bolus."

“It’s helped, but I don’t know for how much longer. I’ve got no pressors, and limited fluids.”

"You just need to get him back. If he's still got pressure, give it."

“Giving it now.” He muttered, trying to push his hair out of his face. 

"Give me a run down of his obs once you've done that."

He finally got it connected and running, discarding the spent bag. His ‘assistant’ was doing well ventilating, surprisingly, and so he quickly started on obs. He hated having to do this in such an old fashioned manner, he missed his hospital conveniences and continuous monitoring. 

But as he started, he just knew it was wrong, and when he didn’t find a pulse, his stomach twisted. “Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

[novelcain]

OKAY! So when I was about 10/13 years old my mom took me to get a check up.. perfectly normal right? What could possibly go wrong.. oh yeah I was also there to get my shots.. I hate getting shots, always have always will.. it’s the syringe needles!! the fact that I know they have to be hollow enough for stuff to go in and out of the inside of those things is just wrong to me.. 😟 Anyway me and my Mom get there and everything SEEMS to be alright.. until the doctor comes back and says I have to get EVERY! SINGLE! SHOT! SINCE BIRTH!! OVER AGAIN!!!

Ya wanna know why??? BECAUSE THEY LOST ALL MY MEDICAL RECORDS!! ALL OF THEM!! 😡

Like okay yeah, shit happens I guess..

But.. my colorful, sugary sour Overlord.. They didn’t lose literally ALL my medical records once.. NOT twice!! NO no no no… BUT THREE FUCKING TIMES!!! In.. a.. row.. 😑 And all in the same Year.. I shit you not. 😤

Sssoooo yeah, I’m a bit traumatized and HATE going to the Doctor.. 😰

SO! 2020!! Covid shows up and I have to get a vaccine shot.. my Mom bless her heart comes with me, and I have to fill out the form… I spent an embarrassingly long time trying to write down my date of birth..

I was shaking so bad and ended up handing the paper & pen over to my Mom… Because I couldn’t remember which way the number 3 faced.. I was having a freaking mini panic attack.. at 21 🥲

I also had a panic attack & nearly fainted when I had to get my molars removed and the nurse showed up with the iv bag.. and I finally realized I was getting the syringe not the gas.. hadn’t panicked the whole time till that poor lady strolled in.. I think I scared her a lil when I started hyperventilating and asking my mom, wh-what what? What??? But it turned out okay!! That incident happened when I was about 18 I think..

🎃~

BRUH i know what you mean with the hating needles thing! I have had nothing but bad experiences with them. Like when I was younger I'd have to get allergy shots every week so I already HATED shots bc of that but then one day this super old bitch gave me my shot and literally stuck me so hard that the needle scraped my fucking bone! My bicep hurt for a whole month I couldn't do anything!

And then this one time I was in middle school and I had to get my blood drawn for testing, and some info about me I have always had very thick skin, and the nurse tried to use a butterfly needle but when she tried putting it in the damn thing broke against my skin! Anyways, everyone panicked for a hot sec and now it's in my file somewhere that they have to use big needles on me now! LIKE THE FUCK!?!?🤬🤬🤬

Ugh! If I sat here and told you all my needle stories we'd be here all day.

But my gods, how they gonna lose your damn records THREE FUCKIN TIMES!!!??? It's called a fuckin computer system you numb skulls! If it's really that hard to input the data yourselves then ffs just scan a pic of the records and save that!

Me: On behalf of my fruity heh subject, Skittle's gonna sue! *sprinkes dark matter on them bitches*

But fr tho same with the covid thing. In order to get my second vaccine I had to be drugged before going, and I STILL had a panic attack the whole time, not cause of my fear of needles tho. I mean it was a little bit because of the needles but mainly because of the agoraphobia. I think that was really the first instance of me being unable to function alone in public. I had to have Ritz and her mom there to talk for me and fill out the paper work cause I couldn't. I was shaking, I couldn't communicate outside of nodding to Ritz, and I couldn't even look at anyone other than Ritz. There were a few times I almost passed out inside of the clinic waiting room. I'm pretty sure now that I think about it that that was the last time I was out in public at all and that was almost 2 years ago. Definitely was NOT a good motivator to make me do it again lol. Sorry this is low key embarrassing for me to talk about and I honestly spent 30 minutes just deleting this and rewriting it over and over again before deciding to keep it

[herobrinna]

ok so ive spammed my friend with toh thoughts a bit to much so time to ramble here i suppose. (sorry in advance thisll be very disjointed and go from one random point to another).

my main take away from the finale is that it felt a bit... hollow?

like dont get me wrong, the animation was so fucking good. getting more titan and collector lore was also so cool (and hellooo The Titan being such a genderqueer royal? absolutely love how natural toh rep is, like its just thrown out there and no one questions it, just how shit is, absolutely bangers- *gets shot*). and aaaa, the aged up re-designs of all the characters are so good, especially like the detail how all the hexsquad have a flapjack tattoo.

yet there are so many bits that just feel off? like they couldve been handle better (even with the cut runtime the show had).

first lets start with the Collector who just got done dirty, like their whole arc was about the fear of being alone again, yet at the end they decided to leave? just like that? like would it not make more sense for him to stay with Eda, to learn to control his powers better and make new friends. especially them leaving to "mature" or whatever doesnt really make sense, like how can they grow as a person if they dont interact with others, if they dont get exposed to different opinions and believes and all that.

and i dont really like Collie, but it still feels like he deserved better, especially after taking up so much runtime.

actually you know what wouldve made the show better? not introducing the Collector in the first place.

no but think about it, why waste so much runtime on a character that didnt even exist before the show was cut (and thus had very little foreshadowing and buildup to his introduction) and then to not even give them a sweeter ending?

if anything the show shouldve stuck with the Day of Unity being the true finale. like honestly if DoU happened over the 3 specials they actually had plenty of time to flesh out all the existing characters further, maybe there could have been even a little more time for more slice of life moments. but then the whole bit with Collie just feels likes taking away precious time, that his character could have only worked if the show wasnt cut, but if it wasnt cut he wouldnt have existed in the first place, so man idk.

and on the topic of the DoU, holy shit Belos got done dirty, im actually mildly mad at his demise.

like it just overall doesnt make sense thematically.

like, ok this is gonna be hard to phrase, and i would like to straight away say i dont think Belos should ever be redeemed, just gonna use other characters redemptions as example.

so toh throughout its enite runtime is really set on showing that everyone deserves a second chance for as long as they want and are willing to change. we see this with Lilith who was pretty much immediately redeemed at the beginning of s2, and whilst many people say it was rushed, or she didnt deserve it, i think otherwise. like throughout s1 she only tries to get Eda into the Emperor's coven out of the belief that Belos will cure her, cuz yknow, she feels really fucking guilty for cursing her sister, and even then she doesnt really force Eda that much into joining, like there are many moments of weakness were Lilith couldve dragged Eda to the emperor, but she didnt, she gave Eda many chances to join on her own. and again the only reason she even wanted Eda to be in the coven was to right her mistake of cursing her. so after going through that guilt for years of course shed be forgiven quickly, as she showed that she wants to change, be better and all that.

we see this with Hunter as well, though his redemption was more gradual, yet still his past wrongs arnt brought up, like how he patronised Eda and Luz during his first meeting, or attacked Amity in eclipse lake, cuz he was also doing shit out of the belief of helping people, and clearly wanted to change for the better, so why bring up his past wrongs when hes a better person now and all that.

why bring this up?

well with Belos toh brought up an interesting dilemma, what do you do with a person that doesnt want to change, thats stuck in a loop of his short sighted beliefs in a system thats ready to accept and help anyone that tries to change regardless of their past?

and the answer to that being to just kill him?

like how does that solve anything? he died thinking he was in the right, that witches are still spawns of satan or whatever tf. it just feels like it goes against what the show established.

now dont get me wrong, the scene of him trying to manipulate Luz for the millionth time and her just staring him down completely unfazed is amazing, it says more than any actual words could ever. what isnt is then Raine, Eda and King immediately stomping him afterwards, which again, just proofs Belos' point that witches are "evil" from his perspective. (how did he even die from that when even mf Collie wasnt able to kill him? and ne got hit by a car and that *still* didnt kill him either, it just feels like he shouldve survived that)

so imagine if instead of them stomping him down they decided to imprison him, that will of course also have the effect of saving him from the boiling rain. so now Belos has to live with the fact that it was witches that saved him, the same witches he'd never show that kind of mercy to, the same witches he would murder the second he got the chance, and what makes it worse is the fact that the human, the one he oh so creepily obsessed over didnt even do anything, wouldve left him suffer in the boiling rain if she had the choice.

and just generally, letting him actually *live* with the consequences of his actions would have been so much more fitting. like dying is easy, wayy too easy, an escape from consequences, but actually living with said consequences, well thats delightfully horrific.

and his death isnt the only way that they done him dirty, the Titan also basically just said that Belos is just evil and theres nothing more too it, when there literally is?? like hello what were all thos Hollow Mind paintings for if not to show that Belos aint just pure evil, how he is a victim of shitty circumstances, yet how despite that it doesnt excuse the extent to which he took shit to.

and the just forgot about that?

... oh right, they forgot the memory paintings even existed untill someone posted their own redraws of them, no wonder they fucked Belos' character up so much :/

man im getting tired from rambling this much lol

but overall its just toh has so many missed opportunities, i could go on and on about them, although not like my rambles make any sense probably, and many people have def explained similar point much better so im just gonna shit up now.

(and of course im gonna rewrite this for my oc x Belos au <3 )

[spitblaze]

I haven't played Y6 for myself yet, but I'm a very nosy person, so I need to ask you what exactly happened in the game /lh

uuuugh okay im gonna put the thing that fucked it for me under spoilers

so at the beginning of the game Haruka runs away from home to do. something. she has a kid. and gets hit by a car. shes out cold in the hospital for like 99% of the game. bad start already, yakuza will never beat the misogyny allegations. The game is also EASILY the most racist the series has ever been since yakuza 2 and if you've played yakuza 2 that should ring some fuckin alarm bells

if it doesnt: yakuza 2 had a crooked cop who turned out to be a good guy actually. because he shot every korean he ever saw on sight and it turned out that every single one of them belonged to a secret evil mafia. every. single. korean. in one of the busiest districts of tokyo. you cant fucking make this up

anyway despite all that Yakuza 6's plot is pretty dang solid right up until the end of the final boss. The game was intended to be a send-off for Kiryu, his story was over, and someone else (Ichiban!) would take the reins. It wasn't, like, perfect, none of the characters you'd really WANT to see for a 'Kiryu Dies' ending were there, even though I love the Hirose clan. But still, if it had stopped there and Kiryu died, Yakuza 6 would still be a solid like...7-8 out of ten. Mechanically solid if simpler than its predecessors, a nice cohesive plot (5 was a mess. it was such a mess), and an emotionally satisfying resolution.

And then. The after-credits scenes.

So Haruka woke up from her coma only a little bit before the final boss, and we see her having a good time with her kid and the kid's dad, it's sweet, Kiryu is writing something at the desk but we don't get to see it. But in the after-credits scene, we do! It's a reflection on the themes of the story, of the many fathers in the game who took the familial bonds with their children for granted and how that came back to bite them, how patterns they didn't want to see repeated reared their heads because they didn't put in the effort to stop it, didn't think to speak to their children, didn't think to show them love or care, because to them it was a given that parents and children have a bond. Never mind that any bond requires effort to maintain. And Kiryu talks about that in his letter, how he regrets not spending more time together as a family, speaks about how sorry he is for doing the exact same thing that all of those antagonists did.

The entire time this scene is going, it frequently cuts back to Haruka playing with baby Haruto on the other side of the room as he writes. Haruka, the child that Kiryu took in and raised. He's supported her and all of the kids at Morning Glory since 3, gave his everything for them, sent money and kept leaving and disappearing just to keep them safe. And what does Haruka do the moment that Kiryu can no longer be in charge? She does the same thing. She learned it from him. She disappears, runs away from her responsibilities to sacrifice herself. She's Kiryu's child through and through, even if she only ever calls him 'ojisan'. It cuts to her while Kiryu talks about family. And failing as a father figure. And how he wanted to be so much more. The fact that Kiryu is writing a letter instead of saying it out loud feels a little odd, but not that weird considering his character. He's emotionally constipated, speaking from the heart is something he just can't do on the spot. Being open with his emotions is one of his big weaknesses, and writing this letter for Haruka, knowing he probably won't come out of this final confrontation alive, is still a meaningful gesture from him.

AND THEN IT TURNS OUT THE LETTER WAS FOR FUCKING DAIGO DOJIMA, A MAN WHO IS LESS THAN TEN YEARS YOUNGER THAN KIRYU, WHO HAS NEVER ONCE CONSIDERED THIS MAN A FATHER FIGURE AND KIRYU HAS NEVER ONCE CONSIDERED A SON. IT'S FOR DAIGO. WHY IS IT FOR DAIGO??? I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY IT'S FOR DAIGO HE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING THE ENTIRE GAME HE WAS JUST SITTING IN PRISON IF KIRYU WANTED TO TELL HIM TO BE DIPLOMATIC WITH THE HIROSHIMA YAKUZA HE COULDVE JUST SAID THAT BUT NO WE GET A LETTER ABOUT HOW KIRYU CONSIDERED THIS GROWN-ASS MAN HIS CHILD??? AND NOT FUCKING HARUKA WHO HES BEEN BUSTING HIS ASS FOR THE ENTIRE GAME???????? WHAT THE FUCK. WHY. WHY WAS IT FOR DAIGO. IVE BEEN BANGING MY HEAD FOR THE PAST SEVERAL DAYS OVER THIS WHY IN GODS NAME DID THEY MAKE THE LETTER FOR DAIGO

God. Okay. That's not even the end of it but that's the part that pissed me off the most. The last part that made me go 'you know what they should've just killed kiryu actually they shouldve put him out of his misery'. is when he gets bribed by a politician to keep his mouth shut about the Plot Boat. And his condition for silence is that he wants to fake his death. And he can never see his family again. So it ends. With Kiryu. Yet again. Running away. From his responsibilities. God. Its so infuriating. Do you see now why the ending retroactively ruined the entire game for me. Do you understand my pain

[theunnoticible]

August 2015

August 2015:

I was taking my last prereq class for nursing when my ex, who i though twould be my high shcool sweet heart, got mad i didnt spend time with him. he accused me of cheating, went to a party, got crossed and sent me a snapchat saying "we're done. have a nice life". I had my final the next day, adn like the bad bitch that i was, i passed it AND set the mf curve. thats right i dont think its evident with these typos and grammar mistakes that ya girl is pretty smart. anywho, we tried to go back to talking, he was trying to convince me to get back together. He said all the sweet I love you, youre my future wife,i dont want anyone but you. You think of the cliche and he said. Move ins to the dorm happned and i ended up letting myguard down and gave hima shot. We went to a movie i went to hold his hand and he pulled away. I knew soemthing was up. This guy who has been trying to conivnce me to giv ehim anotehr chance doesnt want me?? Turns out he was talking to my friend. his friend too. his ex.

---quick backstory. we briefly dated sophmore yr in highschool then we cooled it because apparanrtly he didnt break up with his gf before me. we remained friends. really good friends junior year, he dated someone, they broke up, i dated someone and we broke up. start of senior year we got together. had a heart to heart with his ex cuz we were also friends and she said not to worry cuz she'll never go back to him, and i belived her. LOL----

so he dropped that bombshell on me. i tried to let her know that he was palying both of us. i showed her recepits of everthing he sent how he still loved me all that jazz. but yeah. he left my dorm that night while i was whaling in agony.

ive never felt heart break like that before. literal gut wrenching, i can feel my heart pound and shatter. ive never felt so empty before. i was left raw and vulnerable after being betrayed like that. i couldnt feel or think. i was just simply...empty. id sit in bet that first quarter not being able to sleep. literally SIT on top of my covers just looking atht eground. not doing anything. i was a shell and i was surpirsed i was still "holding it together", at least with others.

[anzu2snow]

I had an appointment yesterday to get my Xgeva shot. This time the nurse did it maybe a little too quickly. It leaked and made me bleed. It hurt a lot this time, too.

After that, I decided to go to Urgent Care, because I thought I had another UTI. I was/still am in a lot of pain when I go to the bathroom. (It was the worst last night.) One symptom I forgot to mention was that I was bleeding for a few days. Not a good sign.

I made it a point to tell them not to do the pregnancy test. I said I had a radical hysterectomy, so everything in that area’s gone. They asked how long ago it was. As if that mattered. I told them. Then, later they said I was taking birth control. I’m not. The only thing remotely close to that I could think of was the anastrozole. It’s an aromatase inhibitor. Since my cancer is hormone positive, it helps with my hormones. I explained this. I looked later, and there it was…they did the pregnancy test. Now, I’d be even more pissed off if I wasn’t covered. I’d have to pay for a pointless test. It’s like they thought I lied this way, too. They did it without my consent. If the result was anything but negative, something would have been wrong on their end.

Anyways, they did urine and blood tests. They were very thorough with those. My lactate was high. Apparently that’s an indicator of sepsis. So, they took a while to put an IV in. They gave me fluids (they were surprised with how dehydrated I was) and then a little later antibiotics through it. This was to flush it out of my system. After that, they needed to test for lactate again to make sure it went down. They couldn’t find a good vein in my arms, but they found a spot on my left shoulder. That hurt. The 2nd time they did the lactate it was even higher. They were worried about me, but I couldn’t stand getting even more fluids, antibiotics, and testing the lactate again. It was getting late, and the snow was about to get worse. I needed to go home. They didn’t like it, but let me get the pill form of the antibiotic and sent me home. They said if it gets worse, I should go back to Urgent Care or call 911. They also didn’t like that I’m having UTIs so often. They said I should talk to my primary care doctor about it. We stopped at CVS to get Azo for the pain and urgency before finally going home. The snow was just starting to really come down. (It was really bad looking this morning.) Got home at around 9:15pm. I was hungry and exhausted. Managed to have a late dinner, and then went to bed pretty quickly after. Probably need to sleep more for my body to fight this. I’m still a little scared of the idea I might have sepsis, but I can’t do much about it other than have the antibiotic.

[spikesbimbo]

Drunk in Love

Summary:  Getting drunk and confessing your love for your “boy” friend and fucking him was most definitely not what you expected to go down on the usual night.

Pairing: Issei Matusukawa x Reader

Tags: Timeskip!Tattoed Mattsun, softdom!issei Hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, smut, fluff, virgin!reader, Unptrotected sex, non-penetrative sex, fingering, oral, pussy/thigh job, clit slapping, sweet dirty talk, praise, drunk sex

Word count: 7.2k

A/N: I heard pussy job and I wrote a whole ass novel

18+ Minors DNI

You run your finger over the condensation of your empty drink, drawing shapes (or what you thought to be shapes, you couldn’t tell at this point) waiting for your dear friend, Makki to bring you a refill of your cocktail.  

“Here ya go.” Makki said as he returned with your beloved Malibu Sunset. The smooth coconut rum bringing you back to your first and favorite drink that you ever got drunk on in high school. You smiling at the memory

“Thanks.” you say. Your reply being mumbled by the liquid already in your mouth.

This all started with Iwaizumi calling Mattsun up, you and Makki hearing “You wanna get wasted?” on the other side of the phone. And with pleasure, you two were already packing your stuff up, shoving yalls “pregame” bottles back in the bag. The three of you made your happy way there climbing through the fence of the abandoned skate park you were in. Needles to say it was abandoned for a reason, but what’s life without a little danger.

You three and the rest of the third years have been friends since high school, meeting in freshman year, and now including Oikawa’s girlfriend. You actually didn’t like Oikawa at first, his “pretty boy” demeanor making you internally cringe. But his personality grew quickly on you, being the perfect target to tease you and Iwa clowning him over everything.

Now back to you on your nth drink, complaining about your previous job that fired you because u got injured, even though you know you wouldn’t have lasted long there anyways because you weren’t that academically inclined. Bright? Whatever you wanted to call it.

And as-usual it wasn’t long before your crybaby ass immediately called Makki and Issei and “tried” your best to tell them what happed with your dramatic self-induced tears running down you race, while Makki urged to you to try to calm down and Issei straight up laughing at the state your were in, snot running out of your nose. You recoiling at the thought, hoping they forgot. (Spoiler, they didn’t)

But now you nanny for a rich couple and you get payed good to play with cute babies all day, sounds good to you! Luckily, you had the week off due to them going on a vacation, you think it was France, no, the south of France. Must be nice.

Cue to now, Mattsun chuckling and leaning on you and Iwaizumi; both of you, especially Iwa, being visibly done with his shit. Him reminding you about the times you bought him some random shit, which you went out of your way for since he always payed for you, like that chopper keychain because you said it reminder you of him.

He didn’t know what compelled you to say his 6’2, tattooed built self looked like a tiny reindeer but okay. It still meant a lot to him, hooking it onto his motorcycle keys. But you knew he appreciated it, despite his appearance he’s a softie.

“You wanna try this’” He says gaining his composure offering you one of the shots he got.

You took one of the mini glasses, not being the type to back down and promptly swung the drink to the back of your mouth, quickly coughing before it even reached your throat.

“This shit is fucking gross.” You coughed out bringing the glass down from your lips.

  “Imagine being sober. Can’t relate.” He said taking another shot.

  “I guess I should do that but ive passed the point of giving a fuck” You said sending yall into a giggling fit while somehow Makki was thrown in to support yall from falling over. You two carry on laughing ignoring everyone’s stares at you thinking about how much yall fit perfectly together.  

   Makki rearranges himself to sit back in his chair, far away, from the both of you, whispering “Damn. I’m really third wheeling.” under his breath. Getting a snicker out of Oikawa sitting next to him.

   “When your best friends are ignoring you. Sad times.” He continues bringing his bottle to his mouth getting no response.

  Issei chuckles and gets up shoving his hands in his pocket reaching for the cigarettes. Pulling them out while failing to find his lighter

  “Fuck.” He muttered

  “Any’all got a light?”

  No one responds so you sacrifice yourself “Yeah” you say reaching into your pocket grabbing out your prized possession of a hot pink, bedazzled lighter that you did yourself, reaching out to hand it to him.

  “Don’t lose it” you stated seriously trying not to break a smile.

  “K’ sweet cheeks.” He said smirking into the butt between his lips as he walked away. Your face now burning up, hoping that everyone would think it was because of the alcohol.

  You mind wanders, thinking about the “dates” you two go on, from watching shows you “forcing” him to watch some romantic anime, to going to the skatepark, to playing video games with the rest of the 3rd years (which you don’t really like but you’ll play for him) and him surprising you with takeout, you bringing out candles trying your best to make it cute with him telling u everything you everything about his day.

  And you always tried to remain calm, even though sometimes he deserved to get his ass beat, like that one time he broke one of your favorite pair of heels. It honestly hurt him even more, he wanted you to get mad at him but no, you just acted like nothing happened. Making the guilt rise in him. Let’s just say didn’t have to lift a finger for the next few weeks.

You basically babied him, taking care of all his “chores”, mainly making him food when you were at his place knowing he hated doing it. Makki teasing you for acting like his housewife, leading to you slapping the shit outta him while trying to cover your now red cheeks.

You’ve never been so grateful for your attire at the moment, blessing yourself for not wearing your usual outfits of short skirts and cute tops, defending yourself saying what housewife dresses in beat up vans and baggy clothes. You definitely not imaging yourself in that position for the rest of the day.

 You expressed that you just liked to take care of people, which was true. You always looked out for them, bringing an extra umbrella, to bringing cookies you made at 2 in the morning to school, always carrying band-aids (yes, the paw patrol ones you took from the kids you babysit).

You checked the time on your phone seeing it was late since the sun at last went down, your lock screen being your dogs to their complaint since they have a group photos of you all from high school as theirs. To which you replied “They’re my babies” getting a groan and huff out of them.

  Seeing the notifications of your group chat you grinned at the contact name you and Issei gave each other; yall jokingly call each other pet names, his contact being honeybun and yours being pumpkin, even including Makki in your contacts as pudding bc then it wasn’t weird, right? no.

  “What’re you smiling at y/n?” Oikawa cheekily asks teasing you. You turn to him giving him a dirty look, not having enough energy to deal him right now.

  “Don’t listen to his bullshit.” Oikawa’s girlfriend says. You’re thankful for her. She was always on your side, being the only other girl in your friend group. To be honest you just wanted her and you to hang out most of the time, but of course to your disapproval her boyfriend and his friends had to join in.

  “Fuck this. Fuck you. I’m sleeping.” You say getting up to her objection, the only thing on your mind wanting to retire for the night.

  “You sure you’ll be fine? Let us at least walk you home.” She said already grabbing her boyfriend’s arm.

  “Nah, im good. I live right down the road.” You try to say not slurring. The last thing you want is him teasing you even more, especially in this state, knowing you, you’d probably start crying at the slightest irritation when youre this drunk.

    You started to “walk” towards your house resting  your hand against the brick walls to not lose your balance, leading you to run into Issei. You stopped to watch him lean against the alley holding a cigarette between his index and middle finger.

  “I’m hiding like a bitch” He says noticing you, resting his weight against the wall.

 “Wanna be a bitch with me? He grinned  blowing out the smoke out with his words.

You didn’t reply, just walking over to him, just being around him made you feel warm.

"Fuck its windy.” He says trying to light a new cig.

“C’you make me a house?” He asks.

You go up and put your hands around his cigarette, this not being your first time. Your hands wrap a little tighter to prevent the wind from burning out his flame. He joins you with his free hand helping, finally getting his cig to light.

 “Thanks doll” He smirks.

“No problem princess.” You reply earning a laugh out of him.

He takes his first hit with his and your hands still wrapped around it. He gets an up-close look at your hands, noticing how tiny they were, seeing all the scars that he never noticed, making a mental note to ask you how you got them later.

His head gets close to yours for the first time in a while due to his height. You glance at his face, noticing his features seeing some stubble growing on his face.

“You ain’t shave?” You ask, never seeing it in the past, while he was moving back up, blowing the smoke away from you.

“What, you don’t like my majestic beard? “He jokes. Making you giggle almost losing your balance before catching yourself on the wall.

  “s’too much work.” He starts. “You wanna shave it for me?” he says slightly leaning towards you. Handing you back your lighter knowing you didn’t need him to carry it because your pants actually had pockets in them for once.

You let out a soft laugh not responding again. He catches on, you got quiet when you were tired and he made out that you were walking towards your house.

“You going home?” he asks already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.” You respond more than happy to have him walk you back, him already moving to walk next to you.

He walks you home, you two talking about random shit, both of you forgetting about your skateboards leaving Makki to deal with them. And even though you’re drunk as fuck you’re still in the right state of mind, carrying a normal conversation with him. But just because you’ve built a tolerance doesn’t mean you can do basic tasks, like walk correctly.

When he reaches your house, he types in the keycode, your first dogs birthday, being glad that you, him and Makki have each other’s memorized.

He leads you into you house setting you on the couch, petting your dogs that ran up to him.

“Mommy’s not feeling too good” He said giving them the affection they deserved.

“Yes I am.” You slurred getting them attention on you now.

He walked over to your counter putting on the playlist that you two made together on shuffle, High fashion being the first to play. You didn’t like when it was quiet because too many thoughts would run though your head. You were in no way sad, singing the lyrics while you were laughing barely being able to hold yourself up as proof.

Remembering you were tired, he takes you off the couch and borderline carries you to your room, , setting you on your plush blankets that you had so many of because it was warm and comfy.

 “Easy, there. Try to sit up.”He said, trying to ask you what draws your pj’s were in because he didn’t want to snoop around; neither of you being bothered that you were half naked, what’s the difference between panties and a bikini, he thought remembering the times you’ve been to the beach together.  

Well it was maybe the fact that you were clinging onto him because u stumbled into him and he was closest stable thing around and you wouldn’t let go because it was cold and you couldn’t stop shaking.

 He ignores his thoughts and grabs the shirt he got out figuring you don’t need to change your bra because you told him and Makki that it was normal to keep it on for a few days after they were in awe as you were explaining how expensive they were. You calling Oikawa’s girlfriend to prove your point as she immediately agreed with you…Sometimes you might have got a little too comfortable with them.

You hear the song in the background change to Love Songs, you humming along, “Hope you smile when you listen.”

You were still holding on to him, your boobs squeezing against him, him only being able to put a t-shirt on you, while you looked up at him with your red glossy eyes making him burn up.  

You fidget timidly with your face now in his chest while gripping his sweater. Trying to build up the little courage you had. He tilts your head up making you look at him, wondering what you were thinking about.

  You try to express yourself, but you can’t get the words out him having no idea what is going on in your head at the moment.

“It’s okay to be nervous sometimes. Tell me” He gently says reading your body language. He was intuitive, so there was no way you could hide your feelings from him.

But you knew you could trust him, him having full self-control, always staying collected and following through on what he said he’d do.  He went out of his way to avoid any friction coming between you two, him never raising his voice or starting an argument.

“We need to talk.” You started. “About something important.”

“Ok…What is it?” He questioned rubbing his hands on your back. You were so nervous, were you really about to say this? Confess your feelings that you’ve pushed to the back of your heart for so long?

“I… I l… I love your face. And the stuff in it. and around it.” You spoke, being surprised you did it stutter.

He stood there, hands stopped moving trying to process what you just said.

“Just you, in general…”  You finally confess trying to state three things at once barely getting your words out.

But he understood exactly what you meant, or maybe he was warping what you said to fit what he wanted.

  "I don’t even know when I started liking you, but this shit won't go away." You restated

  Nope. He clearly just heard you say that.

  He doesn’t understand what’s so different about today. Yall have been in this scenario multiple times taking care of each other, sometimes including another into the mix.  

You didn’t understand either. You just felt like the time was right, even though you know it wasn’t the best idea to confess while you were drunk off your ass.

But you couldn’t help it, your feelings overflowing, which you never until this day let get the best of you, being vulnerable and trusting is not your usual . Youve never even had a crush on anyone, him being to only in your whole life to make you blush.

  Who you been vibin' wit and why I can't make you mine?

  You should have seen the signs that you feel for him when he helped that lady that lives down the street from him set up her Christmas lights or when he first met your dog that wasn’t fond of men, but it instantly liked him. And you loved his selflessness it was something you admired and applauded.

  “y/n” He tries talking you down, making sure you weren’t just saying this because of alcohol, deep down knowing he felt the same, you always being in the back of his mind.

You were generous with your time too, always being there for him. You knew he was softer than he appeared, he was tender, sensitive and vulnerable. He tried his hardest to not get into situations where anyone would get hurt, like breakups, arguments, and so on.

Which is why he won’t make the first move. He pushes his feelings to the back of his head. He values your friendship more than anything, but he can see what develops. If love is meant to be, it will happen.

I told you I am down for the worse or the better. But I keep sticking to you cause them four stupid letters

    “You make me so happy. And I’ll always care about you. Okay? He says breaking the silence, trying to reassure you.  

  “You mean so much to me—something I can’t even put into words because nothing can compare- I’ve wanted you since that day you tripped and bust your ass in the school hallway I still want you even though you drive me insane.”

  “Iss-“ You tried to get out only to have him continue talking over you.

  "I love that you can’t leave the house without a jacket. I love the wrinkles that appear on your forehead after you call me crazy. I love that it takes you hours to get ready. I love that you always know how to make me feel better. I love that even when you don’t agree with my decisions you always trust me to make them.  I love that when I spend a day with you, I can still smell you on my clothes; and I love that you are the last person I think of  before I go to sleep at night."

  You stood there awestruck for what feels like eternity until you mustered the bravery to speak “I didn’t expect you to feel the same way-” You said, being dumbfounded because from what you’ve seen treats everyone “nice”, were you really getting special treatment?

  He tilts your chin up, locking his dark eyes with yours. “Baby I don’t know if your notice but you and Makki are my only people that aren’t my family that call me my first name.”

He has a point. You think pushing yourself more into him, trying to fuse your bodies together to hide, not relaxing what you were doing to him. He tries to nudge your legs to the side but you won’t let go still clinging onto him.

“fuck” He groans. You pulling back wondering why until you looked down and noticed. A smirk appeared on your face as you reattached your self to him like velcro. You were feeling bold, the liquid courage still in your system driving you to slide your fingers down his chest, looking him in the eyes before stopping at his waistband.  

He knows what you’re doing, him being in this position multiple times. Does he really want to ruin your friendship like this? He hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend. He tries to push you off him already knowing you were gonna complain. But what he didn’t expect was for you to whimper out his name in that pretty voice of yours.

 He tried to keep his calm, blood already rushing down. “You know what you’re doing”

“yeah” You start.

“y’don’t want me?” Giving him your pouty face that you know he’s weak for, hoping that’ll work, insecurity piling up. Was it because your boobs weren’t that big or that fact that you were dressed like man? Was he not attracted to you right now, only liking you when you were dolled up?

“Fuck” You think. You should have worn something cute instead of dressing like a whole ass man even with your makeup fully done. Its not like you were supposed to know you were gonna get fucked today.

His were burning holes into you now, thinking of how to say “No, I would be more that happy to fuck you!” to his best friend, soon regaining his consciousness finally speaking.

“Fuck no doll, ive wanted you for a minute. You know me better than I know myself. How did you not notice my feelings?”

 You got me singing love songs, love songs, love songs

“You’re really hard to read” You replied trying to maintain your seductive act, resting your hands back on his chest.

“So are you.” He said lowering his head, you still looking up at him, taking in your gleaming eyes.

Sex ain't the only thing that's on my mind But you get me so excited, whoa

Your heart was beating so wildly that you could only take little sips of breath. His hands running down your waist stopping at your hips.

“Can I kiss you?" He asks "...yeah” you attempted to say as confidently as you could, nodding your head along with it.

His face bent down, hot mouth breathing over you. His lips slowly moved, brushing over yours, the liquor on his lips that you hated; only choosing fruity drinks even though you got relentlessly teased you for it.  You pushed further into the kiss desperately wanting more. Your teeth clicking his from being impatient, wanting to suck him in. Your hands sliding under his shirt subconscious desires reaching out.

Irreplaceable Tattoos from your neck that drop down to your ankles

“You’re drunk…” he says snapping you out of your trance.

“So are you.”

He dove in for another kiss much more passionate than the previous one, arguably needy, pusing you on the bed to which you more than happily comply. He tugs back not letting his mind get the best of him, disconnecting your spit trial leaving you panting. “You sure this alright?” He says deep down hoping you still say yes.

  You pull him back for your answer, your grabby little hands working their way back up his shirt. He gets the hint and pauses your lips rendezvous, taking off the turtleneck that he looked oh so good in, before seeing his unclothed body.  You’re admiring his body in a new way, before just complimenting him whenever he got a new tattoo, now up under him tracing them like a lovestruck teenager.

“When did you get this one?” You quietly ask, his ears closer to you than they’ve ever been.

“I got it that day you faked sick”

“What! You said were gonna take me!” You sulked, turning your head away from his as much as you could, crossing your arms.

He let out a slight laugh before gently taking your face in his hands, guiding you back into the kiss.

This is not really what he imagined for your first time. He’s an old-fashioned romantic who likes to take one step at a time. But then again nothing was ever normal with you. That said, when he falls in love, he falls deep.

“You’ve done this before?” You uttered.

“Hmm?” He mumbles, unmoving his lips from you kissing you, moving towards your neck.

“You still with that other girl?”

“No. I broke it off her, everything that came out of her mouth was bullshit, and no she wasn’t my girlfriend.”

“You didn’t trust her? You added. Trying to distract him until you could think of a way you could say “hey in my 21 years of life I’ve never got passed kissing a guy.”

“Our relationship was purely built on lies, I’d second guess everything she said. He replied, wondering if you were interrogating him.

“Why’d you wanna know?” He asked bringing his face up from your skin.

“…No one’s ever touched me like this, fuck.” You bashfully admitted, thoughts racing through your head that he didn’t want you anymore because you weren’t experienced.

But he knew what was running through that pretty head of yours, his fingers reaching out to with your hair trying to comfort you.

“You’re a virgin?” He curiously asked dragging his hand to your cheek, you leaning into it.

“y-yeah” you muttered trying to move your eyes away from his looking down at his body.

“I thought you had a boyfriend before” he said, softly turning your jaw to make you look at him. Your eyes diverted from his arms back to his eyes.

“We weren’t actually dating” You quickly say trying to clear up the misunderstanding. “He was my friend and seatmate that pretended to be my fake boyfriend to get me out of some trouble” you spewed out “and I guess I forgot to tell everyone that it was fake.”

“Even if we were that doesn’t mean we fucked.” You sheepishly replied.

“So… what trouble did your fake boyfriend get you out of.” He questioned knowing how much trouble it must have been for you, miss independent, to go to such lengths.

“Umm, well…this guy wouldn’t stop flirting with me even after I told him I don’t like him, even following me to my other classes.”

He wasn’t surprised, you were definitely a sight for sore eyes, in fact the prettiest thing he’s laid his eyes on, your beaming eyes, your dimple when you smiled, your pretty face, your “ugly” laugh, he could go on for days.

“Why are we talking about this” You whined, reaching your hand back out to him.

He took a hint and continued kissing you, bringing you closer to him while you attempted to take you shirt off. His hands helping you seeing as that you were struggling, being lost in his touch, finishing by moving you up more on you bed, pushing your plushies out of the way, to your protested because “they had feelings too.”

He ignored you, bending down to pull your panties off stopping once he saw the slick coming through them.

“Fuck baby you’re wet” He breathed dragging his fingers across your clothed slit earing a whimper from you, leaving his fingers drenched.

 Shawty, you wanna feel good, I wanna feel good too Don't I make you feel good?

“M’always wet.” you responded.

From what? He questions taking off your soaked cotton panties, tossing them to the side.

“From me?” He smirks bringing his hand back towards your heat. You not even comprehending what he just said, just knowing that you’re ashamed of how worked up you were getting.

You were in awe. You’ve always known his hands were big, but in this situation your mind wondered. His fingers were so much bigger than yours knowing you can barely fit two inside your with out it hurting, and not in a good way.

“Do you know how pretty you are? It’s honestly distracting.”. He says kissing down your whole body, stopping at your breasts, licking lazily around and coming back to the nub. The attention on your nipples making you squirm and he finally lets go, you grateful that he stopped or you would have almost cum, how embarrassing.

“I thought you said were gonna get them pierced” He remembered, you going on a whole rant about how cute they were.

“You said u were gnna get em with me” You looked back on, reminding yourself making him promise to get them with you because you were too scared of the pain.

“That was the same day you played sick and I got that tattoo.” He stated lightening the mood, hoping you can calm yourself down before you actually embarrass yourself.

He picks back up and continues kissing all the way down your body, you playing with his hair while biting your lip to muffle your moans and whine until he reaches your entrance.

He parted your legs, your pussy laid out before him, believing you no have reason to be shy about it either. He paused, admiring your swollen cunt and puffy clit, you were beautiful.

The feeling that he didn't want anyone else ever in his position overtook him. He let out a little breath on your clit and you thrashed around. He wasn't going to play. “I’ll take care of you.”

His lips travel over your skin, light and heated before settling himself between your legs, grabbing you by your thighs and dragging you closer. “That tickles.” you giggle, nerves making you kick your legs, almost hitting him in the face before he grabs them. He puts them down locking your legs with his arms, lowering himself until he’s on the ground facing you.

“Does it make you nervous when I stare?” he teases while your covering your face trying to hide the blush he caused.  He puts his mouth on you, quickly gripping your thighs, his hands leaving imprints in your skin dragging you even more into him, deprived kisses taking over your body. 

“yer so pretty” You purred seeing the sight of his big build between your legs, your fingers grabbing onto his curly dark locks, tugging them.

  Issei moans, his voice radiating through your body, forcing out a cry, blessing him with your pretty voice. “I-Issei!” You cry, never feeling like this before, your vibrator and hands doing it no justice.

“Shh, just look at me, doll.”

You can barely make out what he says, so drunk on pleasure. You try your best, doing anything to see the pretty man beneath you. But you get interrupted by your pleasure, your back arching not being able to control your body, grinding down to meet his lips, heat rising in you.

He kisses through your wetness playing with your bud. You choking on your spit, back arching again your body tensing up. “Issei,” You beg, grabbing him knowing what you want but not being able to express it. Luckily he can read you like an open book, knowing what you want, driving you over the edge as he makes you see stars. “Good girl,” he sighs when he feels you let go of his wrist letting him bring you your first orgasm.

“Look at your thighs shaking so much.” He teasingly cooed, wrapping his hands around them, bringing you out of your daze.

Shawty, your body is so exciting

Arching your back into the blankets, letting out a whine “Want your fingers.”.

He lets out a condescending laugh. “You need to learn to be patient. You just came and you’re already so eager for more?”

But by the time he finished your body went limp, you were totally weak, body loose-limbed and pliant. Your mind clouded by lust and deep in your own world. You gasped out a little sob, unable to comprehend anything beyond the discomfort and the need to have it gone. You can’t think straight all you can do is take action, grabbing his arm him easing his fingers into to you.

It’s not too tight, is it?” you ask clenching around his fingers.

 “Just relax… let yourself feel it” He says barely being able to move in you. Fuck so were so tight.

“I love the way you look with my fingers inside you.” He added starting to thrust them inside you, making you let out a string of moans.

“Look how good you take it.”  

“Fuck, you’re so messy.” He groaned feeling the slick running down his hands, before taking them out.

“Issei-i,” You cried when he pulled away, pleasure leaving you, tears coming back.

  He shushes you easily, his fingers wiping your tears. You were so precious to him, your moans music to his ears.  He slows down repositioning his fingers, making you let out a whimper squeezing around them. Your brains so crowded you can’t focus, can’t gather the strength to speak when he thrust them faster inside you.

  Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you fell back, fingers curling inside you, chanting his name over and over, incoherent words coming out of your mouth begging for more. 

You pussy tightens as you cum, unable to breath, letting out gasps and whines. Him still fucking you, fingers not stopping, pushing them in and out relentlessly feeling both pain and pleasure. You lay there, wet in your own cum not giving yourself a break before you went and got what you really wanted, his cock.

His eyes followed the movement of your hands as they pushed down his boxers, revealing the length of his cock, that jutted proudly from his hips. He was so pretty, so virile and handsome. Wondering how lucky you were to be in such a position with him.

You pushed away those thoughts and focused on him, pulling him forward gently, but he followed his encouragement. One of his hands tilted his cock down toward your lips. “Open your mouth for me, baby.”

You parted them instantly, tongue sliding slightly outward, and then you whimpered as the warm weight of his cock slid into your mouth. You let your eyes flutter closed and swirled your tongue around the tip of his cock not knowing exactly what you were doing, but it was working, tasting the salty tang of the precum that wept from his leaking slit. You moved your tongue as the he put his hand into your hair, gripping the strands and pushing deeper into his mouth.

“You look so good on your knees like that. “He says meeting your eyes once again, almost cumming from the picture below him.

“Slowly, baby, I’m not going anywhere.” He says slowing you down by grabbing your hair, making a pace that you follow.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby, just like that.” Seeing that sinful look in your eyes with your redden swollen lips.

You moan feeling yourself drip down your thighs, getting even wetter giving him head. Trying to ease the discomfort by closing your legs, griding them together, trying to find some friction. Your ears hearing “That’s so fucking hot.” watching the scene unfold beneath him.

Your jaw hurts, trying got make him cum faster using your hands and lips together hollowing your cheeks. “Oh fuck, oh, Jesus, fuck yes, there, just like that, fucking Christ" he groans out, his voice sounded beautiful to your ears, knowing he was about to cum.

He finally lets go cumming in your mouth, you swallowing it all, trying not to wince at the taste. “Did I do good” You ask waiting for his reply. Your doll eyes, so red and worn out looking up at him for approval. Fuck he was whipped.

“Yeah…fuck baby”

I love when you get on top and you ride it

You get back under him, his cock resting on you, drenched and clenching around nothing, resting in your cum. You working yourself up against him.

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you?” He says to your complaint.

“You’re not ready yet.” he mumbles against your whining. Spreading your legs, slapping your clit a few times before letting his cock rest on your folds. Finally getting “seated” he picks up your legs and puts them both on one of his shoulders your thighs warming his cock, your knees touching his cheek not moving, getting a kick out of how desperate your were for him.

“s-stop being mean” You cried reaching out for him to come closer, needing affection after all you’ve been though.

“Aww, poor baby, you want me to take care of it for you? He says leaning into you, reaching your kiss, tasting the remnants of the cum in your mouth.

He plundered your mouth and slowly teased his cock over your entrance, catching it against your clit and making you whimper into the kiss, clearly wanting to be fucked. Your kiss turned you sucking on Issei’s tongue and lips, biting the swollen pout until his lips were red and puffy. He pulled back and looked down at you, a beautiful mess under him.

His fat cock head pushed between your folds. The moan escaping both of your lips was primal. You were turned on beyond imagination and the way he was thrusting forward, spreading his leaking precum on your wet clit was almost too much. He quickly picked up his pace fucking your folds, his warm head brushing against your clit with every movement, but your greedy self wanted more.

The fact that he made you cum so easily made you proud. Just because you’ve never gone this far with someone else doesn’t mean you’ve never cum, you’ve had a lot of practice over the years, being insatiable, the sheets soaked underneath you from your previous orgasms being proof.

“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.” He moans getting your attention him.

You tried, you really tried, but the way he was stroking you, imagining what it’d be like to actually sit on his cock, the lewd sounds echoing in the background leaving you unable to focus.

He taps on your cheek eventually getting you look at him, keeping your mind on him by placing his fingers in your mouth you letting him, hazily sucking on them, not being able to close your mouth.

“Oh, baby, you’re drooling everywhere.” He grumbles. Your spit dripping onto his fingers, the friction of your thighs making him feral, moving at an even faster pace. Your body bouncing with every thrust.

“You gonna cum after I cum on your little clit? Come one more time for me, I know you’ve got it in you.” You sob feeling the puddle beneath you, time slowing, fire pooling in your tummy.  Listening to his words you let yourself go. You come with a silent scream as the pleasure ripped through your body, your nails scratching his soft skin. Your vison fading to black feeling him lose his rhythm and moaning a mixture of curse words along with your name, feeling him cum on your tummy before resting his head in your neck while letting your legs go.

“So good for me, look at how much you came.” He says breaking the static. You whining into his shoulder, emotions high, never doing this before.

“I know, baby, I know. I’m right here, just breathe.” He says. You two laying in silence for an unclear amount of time, him rubbing your back while you rest in his chest almost dozing off.

“Are we still…friends?” You croak out trying to hold back your sobs already knowing the answer that you two were defiantly not friends now and never would be just friends again.

“Friends don’t do this type of shit” He maintained grabbing your shoulders to sit you and him up. You were worried, did he only do this with you because he was drunk? You were anxious that you scared him away because you just poured your heart out to him and pushed yourself on him. You left your head down, tears already coming out to your dismay. You moved your hand up to wipe them but he beat you to it.

“Look at me… I love you.” He says holding your cheeks in his palm. You in awe, hoping that you weren’t imagining it, that this was real life.

“R-really” You question making him worry too, preferring to forgive and forget rather than letting this a divide between the two of you in case you went back on your feelings. You were so overwhelmed, never feeling love until this moment, so happy that the person you longed for liked you back. Yours tears running once again.

 “Shh, shh, it’s alright...Don’t cry.”

You don’t even know why you were crying, the hangover already getting to you making you get a headache. You groaning in his arms complaining that your head and throat hurt.

“Ill be back” he says detaching himself from you, letting you know he was coming right back.

He walks to your fridge opening it to see every drink but water, having too dig through all of them, especially the absurd amount of apple juice guessing it was your “once a year craving for it”. He finally got you some cold water, putting It in a cup and waked back to your room.

  “Issei” you whined not picking your head up from the pillow.

  “Shh baby im right here.”

  He sat down beside you on your bed lifting your head up. “Here drink this” he reassured, to which you ignored not wanting anything to go in your mouth, just wanting the day, or night as it was now, to end.

  “It’s just water, honey, look.” You sat yourself up with his help seeing him in just his boxers, you remembering your still naked, not caring enough to cover yourself. He held to glass to your mouth, babying you, tilting it far back enough to where you could drink it. The water hit the back of your mouth feeling like a shot making you cough.

“I know, it hurts. I’m sorry but we have to” He stated. You continued to drink it, feeling the stinging in the back of your throat, him comforting you, calling you “good girl” which was unsurprisingly working.

  He put the cup on your dresser when you finished, climbing back into bed with you leaning your body into his. “Have you ever thought about...us? Y’know, as an...item?” he said causing you to look at him with wide eyes.

 “Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you.” He insisted making you cheeks flush. You try to think of a way to respond, not wanting to keep him waiting.

“You’re the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me. Not only am I deeply in love with you, you’re my best friend.” You stammer out, your shaky hands somehow made there way to his neck, letting them fall slowly before he grabs them dragging you in for a kiss before you got to even see his face.

“Everybody has always thought we’re a couple.” He continued taking his time kissing you all over your face. “Then I guess we should be.” You retort, kissing him back before you could see his reaction, not wanted to be embarrassed anymore today. But he caught you, holding you still “Really “y/n? Like deadass?” He asked.

  “Yes dummy, I want to be your girlfriend” You say causing him to grin swearing you’ve never seen him smile that big, before he gives you one last kiss.

  “I always kiss you on the cheek, why are you blushing now? He teases laying back down, you following along. You just snuggle into him mumbling something along the lines of “m’tired”, he understanding and speaking to you in a soft, gentle voice while helping you to bed, so he doesn’t make it harder for you to sleep by being loud. “I’m here love, I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers into your ear mkanig your heart swoon one last time before you pass out.

  “I l-love you issei.” You sleepily mumble.

“Tell me this when you’re sober.” He says stroking your head.

“Just relax, close your eyes...”He murmurs, your heart beating slower every second. Both of you together, lazy, slow presses. Limbs pressed together, chests heaving, fingers trailing down backs, tracing lazy patterns.

  “Oh!…” He remembers. “If you really wanna get them pierced, we could get matching ones.”

© all content belongs to spikesbimbo. do not alter or repost .

[animereaderinsertwriter]

Cupbearer (Eren/Reader)

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV (in progress)

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (im watching you, if you see this, begone!), vampire!eren, hunter!reader, fem!reader, smut, some amount of predator/prey dynamics but only kinda?? there is also a significant age difference but only cos eren is immortal and all that jazz. we're all adults here. there will eventually be smut.... and do i really need to say that there's gonna be blood in a vampire fic?

Description: A story of falling in love in 4 parts.

Eren is a bad man (well, a bad Creature) who has done bad things. When he meets the great-great-great granddaughter of one of his former friends in his favorite blood bar, however, he thinks it might not matter so much what happened in the past, so long as he can make the future something worth living to see.

Ao3 link here

Part I

A lamb in a den of lions, he thought, watching the newcomer as she settled in, ordering whiskey neat. A fool, for sure.

A fool she may be, perhaps, but even fools could be dangerous. Eren had known that the young woman was a Hunter from the moment she entered the bar (everyone else had, too) but something told Eren that she was hardly cut from the same cloth as the average Bane of Creatures. There was something in her movements— a predatory grace in her stride, perhaps, or a stiff, straight posture, with muscles tensed and ready for action— that betrayed her power to him; but for all that, she really was lovely, and the image of a rabbit caught in a patch of bramble came to mind whenever he looked at her.

Sitting in a corner, drinking his B-neg, he watched the woman as she sipped her drink, checking over her shoulder now and then. She was wary— as anyone with good sense would be— but she didn't appear frightened, and Eren's curiosity was piqued. It wasn't every day that someone so bold happened across his path, and it became harder and harder for him to resist the urge to approach her.

Eventually, Eren gave in to his curiosity— he never had been very good at or even particularly fond of restraining himself— and when he came silently up behind her, the newcomer didn't even notice his presence until he murmured a greeting close to her ear.

"Hello, little love," he said, and she startled in her seat. "Are you lost?"

She turned around then, her eyes big and bright in the dim lighting of the bar, but by the time she managed to look at the spot where Eren would have been, he was already seated on the barstool beside her. Eventually, though, her eyes found his, and when their gazes met, Eren was amused to find no fear in her visage.

"Far from it," she told him, turning her body towards him. "I am precisely where I mean to be."

Eren blinked, nonplussed.

"Curious," he said, leaning forward so that she could see the sharpness of his teeth as he spoke. "Do you fancy yourself a wolf among sheep, little Hunter? Did you really not think we would know you for what you are the moment you crossed the threshold of this place?"

Any normal, human ear would have missed the way her heart leapt in her chest, but Eren missed nothing. The fear he had hoped to inspire in her was present after all, but her face never moved from its impenetrable mask— an affectation that was somehow both soft and steely at once.

"That's not what I'm here for," she told him, widening the distance between her knees as she readjusted on the stool. "I'm here to discover the truth."

The truth— what an odd notion!— and yet Eren sensed no lie in her.

"You're a strange one," he told her, but forced himself to relax his posture to appear lazy, almost drunk. "Most Hunters— even ones so pretty as yourself— shoot first and worry about the truth later. What's your name?"

Her nose crinkled. "It's polite to give your own first."

Sharp, he thought, watching her closely. Names have power.

"Eren Jaeger."

"Eren Jaeger," she echoed, then extended her hand. "My name is (Y/N)."

That name sounded familiar to Eren— and though most names did after living a few centuries, this one seemed to hit closer to home. He knew that name, and knew it well…

"What's your surname?"

(Y/N)'s eyes flashed with an emotion that Eren didn't catch.

"Kirschtein," she replied, averting her eyes. "I'm Jean Kirschtein's great-great-great granddaughter."

And damn if Eren didn't want to laugh. Perhaps his nosiness into the posterity of his old acquaintances really was as bad of an idea as Armin always seemed to imply.

"I see," he said, and he truly, truly did. "Then you know who I am— what I am— and what I've done."

More than that, if she truly did know who he was, it was unlikely that she had come without a specific purpose in mind.

(Y/N) nodded, confirming his suspicions. "I was digging around in my family history and— well— I read what my grandfather wrote, and I just— I wanted the truth."

So wide-eyed, so innocent— so alive. Eren could see now her resemblance to Jean; if they were not similar in looks, she had his sharpness, his humanness… and, as he always had Jean, Eren envied her for it.

"If that's the case, then I'm sure you know that you don't get something for nothing," he told her, sipping his drink just to watch the expression on her face as he let the warm blood slide down his throat. "And that dealings with me can be dangerous."

"Jean Kirschtein loved you, Eren Jaeger," she told him fiercely and with such conviction that Eren nearly choked on his drink. "To take such a tone with me, to threaten me, the last living remnant of him, is the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard."

Eren was about to say that he didn't owe her, Jean Kirschtein, or anyone else any sort of respect, but she plowed on, unwilling to let him say his piece.

"You broke his heart a million ways by doing what you did, but— but he was your friend through all of it, no matter what side each of you were on," (Y/N) continued, passion aflame in her eyes. "I can't even imagine what inspired such a love, such a loyalty from him that he would forgive you for the horrors you caused. That's what I'm here to find out— what you have that a man such as him would find you redeemable."

The reproof in her words stung, but Eren was too old to argue. She could never understand what it was like back then.

"I understand more than you think," she snapped, and Eren actually flinched. "I understand that you hurt the woman my grandfather loved immeasurably, and that he forgave you for that even though he never even particularly liked you. I understand that you were ready to sacrifice the world for that selfsame woman, for Jean, and for all the others. I understand that you're a monster who loved and was loved back, but I want to know why."

How? Eren thought, shaken.

How had she known his thoughts? It was as though she had seen straight through to his innermost being.

Without speaking, she answered his question. (Y/N) took a hand and rolled up her left sleeve, presenting to him a scarred marking in the shape of a pentagram.

"My grandfather didn't settle down with just anyone," she told him, holding his gaze. "I come from a line of powerful witches, all of whom possessed strong claircognizance. Paired with my nature as an empath, you can assume I know what you're going to say before you say it."

Eren hummed, trying to appear less perturbed than he was.

"And yet you hunt Creatures for a living; strange, since you're practically one of us yourself."

(Y/N) glowered. "I hunt monsters that prey on my people, not Creatures. No innocent has died by my hand."

The unlike you went unsaid, but that didn't mean that Eren didn't hear it anyway.

"Don't get high-and-mighty with me, girl," he told her roughly. "Knowing is one thing, but experiencing what we experienced is another."

"I'm not here to judge you," she replied. "I told you, I'm here for truth, nothing more."

"And I told you that the truth doesn't come for free," he told her darkly. "You must give me something in return."

(Y/N) set her jaw.

"What would you have of me?"

It was a mean, base request. Eren was wicked for even thinking it, and vile for wanting it— but looking at the great-to-however-many-degrees granddaughter of a good man that he had once known, seeing the vitality that brought a flush to her cheeks and thumping to her heart, he knew he couldn't pass up this golden opportunity.

It had been so long since he'd had a Companion.

"Become my cupbearer for six moons," he told her, crossing his arms. "Starting with tonight, the moon becomes new; let me drink from you until six of these have passed, and along the way, you will learn what you want to know."

(Y/N) eyed him warily.

"Can you assure my physical safety?"

Eren grunted, almost amused. It was a bit late to be worrying about that.

"I think you know that I can."

"And will you let me continue in my duties as a Hunter?" she asked, her eyes searching his own as if she would find the answer to her question there inside the same eyes he'd had since he was nineteen. "Completely uninhibited?"

"That depends. Will you kill Creatures in the discharge of your duties?"

(Y/N) made a face. Eren had forgotten how expressive mortals could be, but he found that being reminded was not altogether unpleasant.

"You know I will," she replied, "But you have my word that any killing won't be unprovoked."

Eren supposed it was as close to a compromise as he could expect.

"As you wish it, so shall it be."

He turned away, signaling to the bartender for another drink, but a lightning-fast hand shot out to grab his wrist.

"Swear it," she demanded. "I need us to be Bound by it."

The meanness in Eren finally won over. He reached forward, grabbing (Y/N) by the neck, and the silver rings on her fingers burned him as she pulled at his hand to try and restore her breath. Eyes from all around the room were on the two of them— had been, since the very beginning— but it was only once the Hunter before him began to look appropriately humbled that he withdrew.

"Do not touch me without my permission," he said, "And I will return the favor."

(Y/N) looked at him then, but there was still no fear in her eyes. Anger, yes, but no fear.

She must be mad, or foolish one, he thought, considering her for a moment. I always have been partial to mad fools in general, but…

Something about her seemed different, and Eren didn't know what to do other than accept what she had to offer. Heavens knew he was getting the better end of the deal anyway.

"Swear it," she repeated, this time more quietly. "Give your word, and I will be your cupbearer."

Eren brought his hand up and unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt. At his will, the nail tip of his forefinger sharpened, hardening into a point; he used it to draw an 'X' onto the skin just over where his heart rested inside his chest, cold and dead. Blood welled into the cut— precious little, compared to that of a human, but still enough to run down his chest in smudges— and it was by that blood that he swore. He spoke the terms of their agreement, then took the blood from his wound with the pad of his finger and marked the same spot over (Y/N)'s own heart.

"Satisfied?" he asked, their faces almost touching, and (Y/N) shivered.

"Yes."

Her warm, living breath fanned over his face with her reply, and Eren took the moment to close his eyes and appreciate the scent and sensation of it.

"You may think you're satisfied," he told her, pulling away, "But you don't know the meaning of the word."

She eyed him warily, but before she could speak, he added, "In six months' time, I'll ask you the same question, and it is then that you will truly know what it is to feel satisfied— satiated in every way."

"As you say."

It was a throwaway comment, nothing more than a dismissal, really; but Eren felt like it was the start of something truly remarkable.