#ive been updating this as lockdown continued

[saudade-asylum]

seeing as how quarantine is about to end for me (i’m moving back to london for uni on october 3rd) i figured i’d make a bullet list of all the things i’ve done/learnt these past 6 months :)

——its gonna get dark kids——

• i put a brown box dye on my head and i have not been a brunette since 2014. thats 6 years. i hate it but i also like it????

• my depression is a lot worse than i thought :) and i think i may have something else along side that and i am in desperate need of therapy :))))

• if i don’t have false nails on i will immediately bite my nails down to nubs and when i run out of nail i will progress to the skin around my nail bed and further. there is no stopping it. i have begun to like the taste of the stuff that’s meant to make you hate biting your nails

• put on a stone but have lied to everyone and said i have not but my proportions have just shifted??? don’t know why everyone fell for that but hey ho

• my grandmother was into incest :) there is a chance my mum was born via incest :))))) i hate it here

• i started cutting

• i tried monster for the first time (ultra blue) and i really like it

• i don’t deserve friends and so when a minor argument started i decided to use that to cut them all off because i’m a horrible person and i really think they can do better than me but i really miss every friend i’ve ever had so i’ve been stalking instagrams like crazy

• turned 20 and immediately had a minor breakdown and promptly put all my money and effort into kidcore alt fashion

• i cannot have a single conversation about politics with my parents lest we have a horrible argument and i get my feelings hurt via their racist and homophobic comments that they will immediately brush off

• i’m a lesbian, i’ve identified as lit rally every label i could before i figured it out. even labelling myself as a trans guy and ace through a super cheeky combination of compulsory heteronormativity and not understanding what a real friendship is due to all my toxic ass ex friends and thinking every boy crush was a crush when i just wanted to hang out with them. rip (ace people are still cool though and i love them all they’re like the family of your ex gf who you still love and hang out with)

• i tried the pink monster and it’s fucking RANK

• i spent over £2000 (my student loan) this lockdown on useless mindless shit of which includes colouring books i haven’t used, a mini fridge, a shit ton of earrings, a shit ton of takeaways, every sims expansion pack, and several plush animals

• told my parents that i’d spent over £2000 and started sobbing so now they seem to be taking the mental health thing a bit more seriously and have agreed to let me go see my mates in london and pay for it which is actually nice :)

• my mate had to cancel and none of my other mates wanted to see me / weren’t in the area the one day i was down so instead i walked around for so long that both of my heels burst open

• i have left my hair brown the whole lockdown but now i’m going back to art uni in london and now im thinking i need to dye it something cool or no one will be able to tell i’m a) gay b) actually arty or they’ll just think i’m a background character and no one will talk to me

• since my last bullet point about weight i have gained another 1/2 stone and am now 17 stone. i have 47 days till i go back to uni and i’m not really sure what to do. i think if i could get back to my initial weight of 15 stone before i go back i’d be ecstatic but i’m not sure how realistic that is? i’ve done diets in the past that have let me lose a stone but not sure how to do it now cause i’m veggie??

• it’s my fault my mums in pain because if i wasn’t greedy and going to uni then they’d have the money to pay for my mums knee replacement and she’d be able to get a better job and make friends in a non toxic work environment

• the only reason my parents aren’t getting a divorce is because it’s too expensive - according to my mum

• i’ve given up on the whole losing weight thing because i’m honestly too fucking sad to stop using food to fill any disappointment in myself. it’s actually incredibly difficult to stop eating

• since saying i was giving up on dieting i’ve actually ended up eating less??? not sure what my brains doing up there but hey ho i’m liking the development

• started crying when a minecraft streamer said i was smart for a suggestion i made (wasn’t even minecraft related)

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Okay finished episode one of Tell Me Why and I am shook and I love it. Now onto updates.

If you want to where my mind is on the blog then keep reading. If not, have a good day. I plan to answer questions after this post.

SO,

MH Update

As many of you probably have figured out, my mental health has been declining and pretty low for months now. I don't want to dampen anyone's mood or the vibe of the blog but I think I should put it out there seeing as I get asks from many of you wonderful humans asking how I am. I apologise for any vague responses. I don't really talk about my feelings and have gotten very good at avoiding it. However I am unable to hide it.😅 My life hasnt went how I...expect or hoped. I didn't have a plan but I certainly didn't see this coming. I'm trying to adjust and need a little help along the way.

You know what, since I'm here I might as well share some honesty. Perhaps it'll help others who think the same. I think we've all felt a little alone atleast once this past year.

Long time supporters of this blog will know that I had quite good management of my mental illnesses and unfortunately Covid and all these lockdowns have had an impact bringing other diagnosis' to light that wasn't picked up by professionals. Since the beginning of Covid I have since lost all of these management strategies but I won't bore you with my life.

I know I'm very fortunate in various aspects of my life. I do not take these things for granted when they have went well for me.

So I don't want anyone to think I'm being selfish and only thinking about myself and how Covid has affected me etc. Everyone is struggling but at the same time, I don't think it's healthy for myself or anyone to reject their feelings on this matter. Everyone will be impacted differently from this and this is how I've been impacted.

My mood day to day hasn't been very good as we've seen for a while now and my mood can change quite quickly as it stands. I'm sensitive, what can I say?

Regardless, I hope you know how much I appreciate you all and the time anyone takes to check in with me. I will be okay and get through this. It will take time and perhaps my life won't be what I hoped it would be but that's life right? It'll take some time to recover but I think you guys are more patient about that than I am. 😂 So just know if I'm feeling like crap, I'm safe and I have a good support group of people who love, care for me and understand at the end of the day that I try everyday.

Now that we've got crappy me out of the way, onto the good stuff.

Questions

So I'm still answering questions as we know ☺️ I'm taking my time with them since I get tired quicker and easily at the moment. This makes it more draining to write and answer questions with as much oomph as usual. If I haven't answered your question, it's likely that I found it very chunky and haven't found the energy for it. I will answer it but some require more brain power and effort than others. I hope everyone understands. ❤️

Writing

Yes, I still do that 🤭. I know the requests haven't been open in a while and can assure you guys that will change some time in the future as I have around four left all together. Maybe three. Could be three. They're all pretty lengthy but I have been working on them. However, as I said before, it's becoming more difficult to finish as my mental health has declined and it takes a while for me to really figure out where each fic is going or the gaps from A to B. Thank you all for being patient with me. I have the requests all in the drafts waiting to be finished but I'm kinda stuck with them all. It's pretty frustrating as I've been wanting to finish them for you guys.

Updating the Blog

So, Vanity, you big dumb dumb. What's started this thought?

Well simply, my struggle with writing and mental health. The way I see it, I have two options. 1) continue to force out content and hope i'll just find the energy one day magically. OR 2) I can relax a little and let the content come when it comes to me and guarantee better quality.

So I want to hear your thoughts on the matter. Since I've gotten my new PC, I've tried to relax a little more with the blog and focus on other stuff to really give myself a chance to recharge for writing and find my passion for it again rather than feeling I have to do it or I'm letting people down.

Am I saying I'm taking a break? No.

However I am saying I'm considering not having the blog as a constant priority and enjoy it as a hobby rather than full time job that doesn't end at 9 until 5. Ive always said writing should be fun but right now with my own issues, I don't have enjoyment in a lot of things at the moment so wouldn't it be more stressful and worse on myself if I try to force it?

ALSO the less doom and gloom part.

People may know that this blog is a secret to people in my real life. With a laptop it was easier to hide, with a desktop, not so much. So when I get to editing. It may be on specific days and times that I won't be bothered on. I won't say a schedule because I can't promise that.

I think that's everything. Let me know what you guys are thinking about this. In the meantime, I'm off to see if I can answer questions 😂❤️

[lupinzapezit]

hello i thought it was probably time for a state of the blog update so,,, if you wanna know where ive been and whats happening read below (tw for mental health / s.uicide mentions)

if you do read, please like this post just for my own knowledge

okay so first of all i rly hate to be making this post because i absolutely hate being that person in the rpc who just constantly whines and guilt trips people over their own mental health without taking steps irl to work on it. im not gonna go into a lot of detail bc frankly its a lot and i dont super feel like it. (also i feel like its only kinda acceptable when the Big Blogs post a lot of ooc which i am definitely not, like my value is only tied to how much content i output but thats something im working on in my own time and not anyones fault persay)

basically i had a lot of shit happen at the end of 2019 that cause me to go into a very low period and while i was working on improving from that time, obviously the world had different plans plus last year was my final year of uni. i moved out in february this year in the hopes that it would continue to help me heal but along with the fallout of some other events, it’s left me incredibly alone and with a fraction of the support network i once had. june was extremely rough for me where i attempted twice and nearly didnt make it to my 21st birthday.

pretty much with working in customer service and australia being in and out of lockdown constantly (which makes my work much busier because people contact us when they cant go into stores), ive barely had any room to breathe or to try and work through things? and because writing is tied to my goal career of film and thats been difficult as well, you can probably guess why ive been struggling lately to be on tumblr and to write.

now dont get me wrong i adore my muses and being able to write. bucky has been an extremely fun and interesting character for me to explore. i literally never thought i’d end up writing a marvel muse and its caused a lot of hesitation due to how i approach him and feeling insecure. which is fine! thats natural! and ive been doing my best not to project those insecurities onto the dash and my partners but because of how poor my mental health is lately, that means ive just been very inactive. tumblr has always felt like a place where if you’re not constantly active then you lose people and while i know that’s not necessarily the case, it’s still a struggle. when i am here, it just feels like yelling into a void which is not a great motivator.

so what does this actually mean? tbh i’m still trying to figure that out. i made this blog initially with the intent of it being quite small and focused on character exploration n the like and i do still want to keep that goal. there’s a lot to bucky i still very much want to write and explore which i havent because of various reasons. i dont necessarily want to leave but i feel increasingly unsure about my presence which sucks because i have made some very good friends in the last year and a bit stint ive had on tumblr since leaving my old main rpc. i dont really want to give up this passion. 

for the time being, i’m probably still going to be low activity and my presence on the dash will be minimal. if that turns you off, feel free to soft block or unfollow. you can tailor your own experience the way you want. replies are probably going to be more queued and i wanna put a stronger emphasis on longer threads and character/dynamic development as i originally intended. again thats not everyone’s cup of tea so if you wanna leave then feel free. but atm i dont really feel connected to my partners and mutuals which sucks and i wanna improve on that. btw if you are reading this and youre down with this, message me and say hi!! i know that tumblr rp has developed this culture of not approaching people (and i struggle w this too) but the easiest way to plot with me is just to ask.

so yeah! tldr; brain extremely sucks, been feeling very disconnected and uncertain about my muse/writing capabilities/general self esteem, trying to work on that by taking things at my own pace and having bigger threads/metas more infrequently. i’ll still be more active on discord of course but hopefully these steps will help me feel a bit better about being here. 

thanks for reading all of this if you did, i really appreciate it :)

[bean-pole-art]

Ed’s Borderlands Fics Masterpost

well finally

here is the masterpost of all of my Borderlands fics posted. most of them are Rhysothy focused to various AUs. I’m gonna update it as I post more but here it is, along with some of my commentary

right from the start big big BIG shoutout to @spoks-illogical-art​, my partner in crime, my biggest inspo, without them honestly most of these fics wouldn’t exist, please check out their amazing art <3

(latest edit - 21/02/2021)

Atlas AU - our main timeline, follows events of Moxxi’s Heist. lots of different concepts and ideas but the core really is Tim moving to Promethea to get help from Rhys. gonna sort em here with posting date, check the ao3 series for the “timeline”

Hypothetically - 2240 words summary: Rhys talks a lot, but usually thinks about it too little.

coffee, cats & monographs - 2880 words summary: “Hey hey, easy. You don’t want to repeat the accident from last week, do you?” Rhys cooed towards the cat and picked her up, just as Timothy instructed him to. Hearing these words, Felicity meowed. “Oh, don’t say that. This is my office and I have the power here,” he answered, carrying her back to his personal space.

Or Timothy's cat pays a visit to Rhys' office in the morning. note: I am a stupid mofo and at this point Tim would also have Loader Bot fkjbfd just imagine hes not mentioned cause hes wandering off, typical LB

Have Faith - 1470 words summary: During the 7 year lockdown at the Handsome Jackpot, Timothy couldn't really have any hope for himself. But maybe on Promethea it could be different. note: sudden feelings while watching JoltzDude139′s stream

Warm Cheeks, Cold Hands - 1170 words summary: Rhys comes home early and wants to say hi to his husband. With no ulterior motive. None at all. note: first fic Ive ever posted where characters are married, actually. fuck it, Rhysothy Real, his name is Rhys Lawrence

the battle (and the aftermath) of the ages - 2970 words summary: In a situation like this everything was possible, they could pull any punches they could think of. Four beasts playing against each other, every single one of them thinking of striking the winning blow.

Or Promethea Squad plays UNO. And then watches a movie. note: I love Promethea Squad with my whole heart

okurimono (贈り物) - 4/4, 17170 words summary: “Not a bomb. Just a device with a message for Rhys. Trust me on that,” this time an emoji of both winking and showing off a tongue [;P] appeared on the surface of Zer0’s helmet. Ah. So they were definitely trying to mess him up. In a way. Unfortunately, he really didn’t have any other options. Almost with a defeat, Timothy took the ECHOrecorder right from their hands and looked around it again. Or Zer0 gives Timothy a peculiar mission. note: my first ever multichapter fic. took me legit abt 8 months to finish but I am absolutely satisfied with this. also the bonus ending. yes

(there is) something I see in you - 8690 words summary: How one Rhys Strongfork met one Timothy Lawrence and how they fell for each other. More or less. note: best to go into this one blind, I swear. dumbest fic Ive ever written and please take this as a recommendation

this world is gonna pull through - 14380 words summary: Timothy really hoped it wasn’t anything important. He had that tendency to forget things easily, even if he tried to fight it. But Rhys kept on smiling and went by his side. So it couldn’t have been that bad. Still dumbfounded, he felt Rhys leaving a kiss right on his cheek.“November 11th? 

That- That seriously doesn’t ring any bells?” Rhys continued, brushing his hands against his shoulders. Or how Timothy spent one of his birthdays. note: also a love letter for Tim but a nicer one I guess kdjfnb dont ask how old is he i have no gdamn idea man

Strawberry Sweet - 3560 words summary: Rhys surprises Timothy with a gift for their date night in.

Happy Mercenary Day, Mr. Lawrence - 4670 words summary: How Timothy spent his first Mercenary Day on Promethea. note: I swear this is the best writer night Ive ever had. Ive written this whole thing in one night on Christmas day, solely on the inspo of that song I linked

Don’t Go Wasting Your Emotion - 4/4, 17080 words summary:  Afterwards, he went around with his usual duties. Getting a quick roundabout from his PA, checking several sectors himself and looking through the thousands of messages already sent to him via ECHOs. Rhys was ready to finally take on the day, yet when he made his way to the office, he saw the unusual envelope right by the edge of his desk. “For Rhys” was written on it. Straightforward enough. Or Rhys gets a letter from a secret admirer. note: another multichapter fic!! this one also took some time and well. its inspired by ABBA songs. cause only I would write a Rhysothy fic inspired by ABBA

Ratchet Effect - 7130 words summary: Knowing just how much overworked Rhys has been, Timothy wants to let them have a nice getaway in Lazy River Land. There's only one problem to overcome - ratch infestation. note: first fic of 2021!! Ive been playing a lot of bl3 suring the writing of it so it has a lot of stuff I had observed both on Promethea and on Jackpot

Reflections - 2250 words summary: Sometimes, Timothy needs a reminder.

Tales AU - second most important timeline. it’s Tales but Tim is a part of the group. sorted chronologically

A Story For Another Day - ongoing, for now -  2/25, 15280 words Tales AU main fic. it’s gonna be a big one

Connection Interrupted - 3240 words summary: With his driving shift finished, Timothy checks up on Rhys and Vaughn's plans.

Completely Hopeless - 1040 words summary: In which Fiona notices that Rhys behaves differently in front of a certain doppelganger.

infinity times infinity times infinity - 3460 words summary: Rhys and Timothy share some dreams and secrets underneath the stars. note: the beautiful combination of Sleeping At Last and Minecraft parodies. I promise it makes sense

reality can be whatever I want - 11420 words summary: “Hey, Tim?” Timothy didn’t even spare him a look, “Are we alone, or is he there with you?” Oh, this definitely won’t be pretty.

After the confession of Handsome Jack's AI in his head and his plan to infiltrate Helios, Rhys needs to set things right with Timothy. Somehow. note: thanosdancing.gif to Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” 80′s remix and a guest appearance from Ferocity but I cant legally say her name here

still here - 2820 words summary: It all had to go down, after Helios crashed. note: I have...a love/hate relationship with this one kjdfbfg I like it but it’s honestly an alternate ending and doesnt fit within our usual bad ending, so take it with a grain of salt. i ten jebany błąd językowy w summary, kiedy ja go poprawię

together at last - 5590 words summary: It all struck him down in an instant, in this one minute. They were all safe. And they were all alive. Nothing was threatening neither him, nor Timothy, nor Fiona. He could finally breathe out.

They all found each other again. note: I am multitasking most time of my life but I dont relate any other fic to multitasking more than this one. I was honestly doing 10 things at once while writing this dfkjbndf

David AU - this one is a sub AU to Tales AU and the plot is kind of complicated dfjkbfb please check the fic for further explanation

building in curved lines - 22490 words summary: “To be fair, you look terrible. You’re barely standing in one piece and none of your coffees will hold you together for that long,” Lilith paused, seemingly weighing the correct words in her head. “You haven’t really been holding on since… We rescued The Double.” Rhys sighed heavily. Why did she have to be so right about everything. Or how Rhys and Timothy adjust to the reality after the Handsome Jack AI. note: bday gift for Spok, EASILY one of my absolute faves and the longest fic Ive written thus far

outside of AUs - some concepts I play with that are honestly outside any of our concrete timelines/concepts + fics not focused on Rhysothy

Real - 770 words summary: Reconciling with your past is a little easier, when you have someone you love right in your arms. note: first blands fic I’ve ever written. the characterization isn’t really there yet but as a first shot at the game and my kind of “introduction”, I am still satisfied of it

(Un)Familiar Faces - 9620 words summary: Timothy pursed his lips and leaned over the wall a little. He’s had enough of this solitude of closed doppelganger cabinet. Today wasn’t the day for another self-loathing session. Today, he should go off on Helios and do something for himself.

Or Timothy spends the night at a Helios bar. But not as Handsome Jack. And not as Timothy Lawrence either. note: personal favorite of mine, tough love letter to Timothy Lawrence. I have so many fond memories of writing this, including getting drunk out of my mind just like Tim and Rhys here

basics of survival - 2010 words summary: Athena taught Timothy everything he needed to know about survival. Now, it was time to put these skills into use. note: wrote this right before rona outbreak on last day in my dorms. thats all

[burgeonmeraki]

My Current Skincare Routine

I believe in investing in your skin because it's going to represent you for a very long time. As much as I love wearing makeup, I’d still wanna look natural on the outside. But I also want to go out in public and not wear that much makeup. That’s why I'm a big believer that if you focus on your skincare, you really won't need a lot of makeup. Skincare is self-care.

Just a background story of my skin lol.

This is me back in High School.

Back when I was in high school (the puberty period), I literally have no problem with my skin. I never had any kind of breakout the whole high school life, and for that, I considered myself lucky. I don’t know if it’s in our genes or what, but I think my irregular period explained why I don't break out? I'm not sure hehe.

But when I stepped into college, that’s when I started having cystic acne, just once every month. I noticed my skin reacts in a different environment than I’m used to. Like when I was in college, I was studying in Manila. Manila is known for its air pollution because of traffic congestion. I have also found out that the water in Manila has chlorine, and I feel like my skin gets irritated, and that causes acne or breakout.

My brother who lives in South Korea sent a lot of skin care products. ca. 2017

I started using skincare products when I was in college, but mostly it's just facial wash, toner, and moisturizer. Then 3 years ago, I started putting serum on my face, a sheet mask or clay mask, and my skin feels so good after. My face feels so hydrated and the product that I used which is Innisfree works for me.

April 2018

RECENT BREAKOUT STORY (2020)

Ever since this pandemic and lockdown happened, I started breaking out. My skin became super oily, I thought maybe it was just the heat because it was summer then. I update my skincare, and nothing seems to work on me. And then I thought, maybe it was a hormonal imbalance, so I started taking pills for two months, still not working. The worst part of it, my pimples are cystic. Before, whenever I get a pimple it was just once every month. But now, when one pimple heals, there's another one comes, and they're mostly on my T-zones, which is the oiliest part of my face. I was so stressed about it, so I decided to see a Dermatologist at Cutis Essentials. Take note: this is my first time seeing and consulting a Dermatologist.

In order for the Doctor to treat me, she asked me a bunch of questions like, what kind of product do I use, she asked about my skin history and family history, and if I am taking some medicines or vitamins, and so on. And from that, I have learned that too much Vitamin E, B6, and B12 can cause acne. I have never taken any kind of vitamins in my whole adult life because I hate drinking medicines, but since there's a virus spreading all over the world, killing millions of people, I started taking it to boost my immune system. She gave me an oral medicine called Doxycycline and Epiduo Gel that dries up my acne. I stopped taking my pills and multivitamins and just stick to Vitamin C. I also stopped using this cleanser St. Ives Apricot Scrub and switch to a more mild facial cleanser. And hurrah, I finally see a good result. My face started clearing up little by little, and the oiliness lessens a bit. All I need to do is to get rid of my dark spots, which takes time.

The thing with doing your skincare routine, you have to stick with it consistently. And I gotta admit, there are days that I'm so lazy to do it and just skip some steps. Like sometimes I just removed my makeup, washed it, then put some toner to clean the excess dirt, then I'm done. That's my slacky routine. Don't do it hehe.

I did a one week sheet mask challenge and my skin feels so good after. I definitely recommend this product that I got from BeautyMnl. It’s called Superfood Coconut Salad Mask Package from the brand Farm Skin.  Last pic on the lower right, that’s The Ordinary AHA 30% + BHA 2% Peeling Solution. 

A video of my skincare routine. Sorry if it’s a bit confusing LOL. I’ll make a better video next time hehe. 

MY CURRENT SKINCARE ROUTINE & HOW TO LAYER PRODUCTS:

I want to be clear, I am not a dermatologist or esthetician, but this method has worked for me. If your skin is irritated, I recommend hitting the reset button and start from scratch. Try introducing new products one at a time and use it consistently for a few days to see if it's working for you. Also, try to learn more about what your skin needs. Like if you have dry skin, moisturizer and hydrate i every day. If you have an oily skin like me, try to lessen the products that’s very greasy, and don’t use it during the day. Just stick with light moisturizer. It is a little bit of a process and takes time, but once you have it figured out, your skincare routine will be on autopilot, and your skin will look better and better.

Here are the products that I am currently using:

FACIAL CLEANSER

Brand: COSRX

AC Collection Foaming Cleanser

Cosrx is a Korean product. This gentle foam cleanser fights acne. It manages excess oil, without stripping skin of essential moisture. With BHA to exfoliate, lauric acid to provide antibacterial support, and centella ingredients to soothe, this creamy cleanser clears skin while keeping irritation at bay. | I have been using this for 3 months now and the brand works on me. My skin feels so soft after using this.

TONER

Brand: COSRX

AHA/BHA Clarifying Treatment Toner

Formulated with AHA, BHA and purifying botanical ingredients, the AHA/BHA Clarifying Treatment Toner works to soothe, refresh and soften the skin. It is effective for hydrating evening skin tone and texture, and it’s a mild exfoliation. | This toner for me is very gentle and it doesn’t sting and harsh like the other toner that I used before.

MOISTURIZER

Brand: COSRX

AC Collection Light Weight Soothing Moisturizer

This cream moisturizer provides light, non-sticky hydration for acne-prone skin. Made with asiatic acid, niacinamide, and zinc salt, it calms and strengthens skin’s moisture barrier while controlling excess oil. | I love this moisturizer! It’s not greasy so it’s okay to use it during the day because it’s fast-absorbing.

SERUM

Brand: THE ORDINARY

Niacinamide 10% + Zinc 1%

The Ordinary comes from Canada. A high-strength vitamin- and mineral-packed formula to minimize the look of blemishes. Contains a high 10% concentration of niacinamide (vitamin B3); reduces the appearance of spots, marks, and congestion; supported by zinc salt of pyrrolidone carboxylic acid to balance visible aspects of sebum activity. | I’ve heard a lot of good reviews about this product so I tried it, and the brand works for me. It just really takes time to lighten up my dark spots but it works.

EXFOLIATION

Brand: THE ORDINARY

AHA 30% + BHA 2% Peeling Solution

A 10-minute liquid mask treatment that exfoliates to visibly improve skin texture and tone. This product goal is to enhance brightness, even out skin, and decongest pores; exfoliates the topmost epidermal surface; helps fight visible blemishes for improved radiance; reduces the look of fine lines with continued use. | Take note: this peeling solution stings for a few sec, but it’s tolerable. Read the instruction first before using this product. When I first used this, I noticed my skin feels like a glass skin, like it looks healthy. I was expecting my face to peel,  but it didn’t. I only use this 2-3x a week or whenever my skin needs it. 

PROTECTION

Brand: THE ORDINARY

Vitamin C Suspension 30% in Silicone

Helps reverse multiple signs of skin aging with vitamin C, an effective antioxidant; naturally brightens and refines tone and texture; feels smooth on the skin thanks to very light silicones despite the suspension format of the formulation. | I just recently purchased this and I think it’s a great add for my skincare routine to reduce all the blemishes on my face and fights skin aging because well, I’m not getting any younger anymore. This one is a bit greasy so I only use this in the evening, and it has an off smell but fades away for a few sec.

CLAY MASK

Brand: INNISFREE

Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask 2X

Innisfree is a Korean product. Features 2x more powerful adherence to sebum for intensive pore care; provides triple exfoliation from encapsulated Jeju volcanic scoria, walnut shell powder, and AHA; enhanced deep cleansing formula removes away fine dust particles, pore-clogging dirt, and dead skin cells; provides powerful sebum-absorbing capacity as it washes away impurities while moisturizing and brightening skin; leaves a cooling sensation when applied that refreshes pores. | I have been using the 1.0 version of this for 3 years, which is the Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask without 2x. I super love this clay mask because this brighten up my dark spots so fast. I only use this 2-3x a week or whenever my face needs it. I recommend this product.

SHEET MASK

Brand: INNISFREE

My Real Squeeze Mask

These face masks are dew-licious skin treats that target your skin's unique concerns and bump your entire routine up a notch. | So Innisfree has a lot of sheet mask that can be tailored to your skin's daily needs. All I can say that whenever I use this sheet mask, my face feels so hydrated, and fresh. It’s an instant boost for my skin. So every time my face looks so dry and dull, I use this product. 

LASH BOOST

Brand: SKIN GENIE

Hair Growth Booster

Skin Genie is a Philippine product. This nourishing clear serum is the answer to fuller brows and lashes. It helps minimize hair loss, prevent breakage, and prime the strands for healthier regrowth. | This product smells so good and I noticed that my lashes became more stronger, longer, and a bit thicker. It will just take times but it works its magic. I put this if I’m about to sleep because the serum goes inside my eyes and kinda sting a little bit.

LIP CARE

Brand: VASELINE

Lip Therapy

A lip-healing jelly with a mouthwatering chocolate fragrance for silky, supple lips. Clinically proven to moisturize chapped lips; instantly softens and soothes dryness and flaking; locks in moisture to help lips recover from discomfort; leaves a healthy, glossy shine; non-sticky formula glides on smoothly. | My lips get dry very easily, and it always turned chapped. Before I go to sleep, I always make sure to put some of this and viola, the next morning my lips feel so soft and hydrated. I used cocoa butter at night, then I use rosy lips during the day whenever I put my makeup on, and they smell so good.

MOISTURIZER

Brand: NATURE REPUBLIC

Aloe Vera 92% Soothing Gel

A hydrating and cooling gel containing 92% pure aloe vera. Gently moisturizes all skin types, including sensitive skin; soothes and refreshes dry, dehydrated, inflamed, and sunburnt areas; firms skin and naturally protects with vitamins C, E, and other minerals; fast-absorbing gel won’t leave a greasy feel; can be used on hair, face, and body as a moisturizer, mask, and/or sleeping pack | I super love this product. I have been using this for more than 2 years now and it does wonder on my skin. I use it on my hair and body too.

ANTI-ACNE GEL

Brand: GALDERMA

Epiduo Gel (Adapalene and Benzoyl Peroxide) 0.1%/2.5%

Epiduo is a prescription medicine used to treat the symptoms of Acne Vulgaris. Epiduo may be used alone or with other medications. Epiduo belongs to a class of drugs called Acne Agents, Topical Combos. | This gel is pricey, and this was prescribed to me by my Dermatologist. I still use this whenever I have acne, and it dries up my acne fast. 

ACNE PATCH

Brand: COSRX

Acne Pimple Master Patch

This is the original set of hydrocolloid stickers that comes with three different sizes to spot-correct pimples. It heals intensively overnight, protecting problem areas from infection and brings out deep-rooted blemishes without leaving behind scars. Slap a patch on your breakouts for instant relief away from bacteria. This will stop the insane urge to pick at your skin and pop your pimples. It’s made with A.D.F. hydrocolloid dressing, a unique material that helps extract gunk from stubborn zits and speeds up their life cycle. | I absolutely love this patch. I use this in the evening whenever I have a very bad acne. TIP: I use the Epiduo Gel first, applied it on my acne, and then let it dry first before putting the patch. I promise, the next day your acne heals so fast! But sometimes, if it's cystic, it will take a few try like 2-3 patch every night.

ACNE PATCH

Brand: LUXE ORGANIX

Hydrocolloid Acne Spot Patch Night Time

When patched to acne; it increasingly absorbs the pus and oil to reduce inflammation and fasten the healing process. This brand is from Korea. | This product works well on me too, plus it contains more patches than Cosrx. Cosrx isn't available in most stores here in Bataan, so I have to order it online. I just go to Watson and buy this, which is very convenient for me. 

CLEANSER

Soft Silicone Facial Cleansing Brush

Gently scrub your face with this along with the Foaming Cleanser, it is easy to use. It is great for getting rid of dirt and clogged up skin. I noticed that after I wash my face with full on makeup, it get rids all the excess makeup and dirt that you have on your face because whenever I apply my toner, you can’t barely see any dirt. You better get one of this. I got mine from Watson, and it is very affordable. 

FACIAL MASSAGE

Brand: BE KIND

Jade Facial Roller + Guasha Set

This beauty tool duo will renew fatigued skin in just a few cooling strokes. Made from 100% authentic jade, each tool is uniquely designed for restorative facial massages. Not only do these tools boost product absorption, they also offer different types of massages. The roller stimulates lymphatic drainage that reduces puffiness, while the gua sha relieves tense facial muscles. When used together, they liven up dull skin for a fresh, well-rested look. | Sadly, I broke my jade roller, but I am getting one soon. Make sure that before you use this tool, put it first on the freezer for a few minutes, and it feels so good, I swear! I used the jade roller whenever I put on my sheet mask. While I used guasha whenever I put on my moisturizer because it glides really well when your skin is moisturize.

OIL CONTROL

Brand: THE FACE SHOP

Oil Blotting Films

Contains 50 silky-soft blotting sheets; made with excellent oil-absorbing 3M film; works to absorb excess sebum; leaves skin looking fresh and grease-free. | I read that if you have oily skin and you're wearing makeup, don't put on another layer of powder just to get rid of the oiliness on your face. Instead, use this oil-blotting film to remove all the oil before retouching your makeup. It's a helpful way not to clog your pores and for your makeup not to look cakey. 

More skincare products that works on me but I don’t use it anymore:

MOISTURIZER

Brand: DRUNK ELEPHANT

Protini™ Polypeptide Cream

Protini’s proprietary formula restores younger, revived-looking skin, almostfrom the first application. Lines, wrinkles, and signs of sun damage appearreduced, and skin feels strengthened and moisturized. | I only have the sample bottle of this because this brand is a little expensive but I heard a lot of good reviews on this. It’s a bit thick for my taste, so I make sure to wear this at night and not under my makeup, that’s only if you have oily skin. 

SHEET MASK

Brand: FARMSKIN

Superfood Coconut Salad Mask Package

A set of 7 sheet masks that leaves your skin brighter, hydrated, and more youthful. Nourish, moisturize, and illuminate skin with this set of sheet masks formulated with a combination of superfoods and colostrum ingredient. | First time using this product, and so far, it doesn't have any negative reaction on my skin since they used organic ingredients on their products. Farmskin has different kinds of sheet mask packages, and it is tailored depends on your skin's daily needs. This package is for brightening and hydrating my face since I need to get rid of my blemishes and dark spots.

FACIAL OIL

Brand: HERES B2UTY

Tea Tree Oil Serum

A multi-benefit serum that clarifies your complexion. Treats acne and soothes redness and swelling with tea tree oil; enriched with green tea, which contain antioxidant and anti-inflammatory catechins to hydrate and regulate excess oil production; fades spots, eliminates acne scars, and protects against free radicals with chamomile, a powerhouse antioxidant; improves moisture levels as it minimizes the look of fine lines and wrinkles with rose hip oil; alleviates irritation as it tightens skin with antiseptic and anti-inflammatory witch hazel; draws moisture to skin with hyaluronic acid to revitalize skin’s outer layers; plumps, restores, and renews to instantly improve the appearance of fine lines. | When I started using this, I thought it was to prevent me from having acne. This oil doesn't work on my acne though, but it lessens the oiliness on my face. I just don't use it very often because I'm so lazy or sometimes I forgot. LOL

TONER

Brand: ESKINOL

Spotless White Classic Cleanser

Eskinol provides products which are specifically formulated for the Filipina skin. Its range of products is known to effectively solve oily skin problems and pimples. Removes deep-seated dirt, excess oil, and makeup with micro-cleanse anti-bacterial formula. Pure Calamansi extracts known to whiten skin. It has vitamin C derivatives to help lighten dark spots in as early as 1 week for an even skin tone. | This product is classic and very effective that's why until now it's still here, unlike other brands being discontinued in the market. I have been using this since college, but later on this particular calamansi formula is more effective on me, while the other formula doesn't work on me. 

BUYING THESE PRODUCT SOON:

PROTECTION

Brand: COSRX

Aloe Soothing Sun Cream SPF50 PA+++

An aloe-infused moisturizing sunscreen for dehydrated skin. Protects skin from ultraviolet rays and other environmental damages with SPF50 PA+++ | I’m reading a lot of good reviews about this product, so I am adding this to my cart now hehe. 

EYE CREAM

Brand: NEUTROGENA

Rapid Wrinkle Repair Eye Cream

Help improve the signs of skin aging with Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Eye Cream. Specially formulated for the delicate eye area, the fast-acting retinol cream helps fade the look of stubborn crow's feet, brightens and evens skin tone in the under-eye area, helps smooth fine lines and texture, and reduces the look of dark circles. This clinically proven retinol formula works quickly with visible results in just one week. | It says that this is the best eye cream for 2020 so let’s see if it’s going to work on my eyes hehe.

Whew! That was a lot of information. I hope you find this helpful and give your skin the love it deserves. If you have any questions or suggestion please don’t be afraid to say it to me. Til next time!

Love Lots,  Jamie  ♡

[mistressbunny1]

Day: 22

Good afternoon my dear readers

Mini me and tiny both doing very well. Mini me says she has completely tidied and cleaned her apartment 🤣

Work colleagues

2 off my colleagues are due to return after going off sick at the same time as me.

One is worried and nervous re going back after just recovering from a respiratory infection.

I have offered reassurance and support, she knows she can ring me at anytime. But dear reader I understand her nerves.

Dear readers I am advised to take a further 14 days off, as still wheezy, on antibiotics and feeling like ive been hit by a truck .

Today's pondering

Lenght of current lockdown

Ever day dear reader I watch the governments update around Covid-19

I find it interesting but also exasperating.

I find myself often speaking to the tv (lol) and commenting on good questions or silly repeated questions on each evening

The main one ( after lack of PPE in a community setting) the exasperates me is the repeated enquire to how long the current lockdown will last

It will last as long as the evidence indicates its needed. As mentioned before the lockdown is to help reduce the risk of vulnerable people getting Covid-19.

Also to help the NHS units many guise deal with the public. To ensure they have capacity to care for not only Covid-19 positive pts but other pts

Yes there are issues around the lockdown financial, socio-economic, mental health and wellbeing issues

But if we dont have it in place long enough two things will happen:

1. You'll die from what could be treated.

2. The second wave will be worst and come quicker than the 1st wave

We can support each other through the difficult times.

As for finance.....

1. What price is one life? Blooming priceless

2. Once this is over the infrastructure is in place to bounce back

So dear tumblir followers . I hope this morning sees you all well and safe.

Plan for the day

1. Rest with increased gentle exercise now

.2 Drink plenty of fluids

3. Breathing continues to improve less episodes of wheezing but still coughing intermittently

4. But dear reader I feel wiped out.

Please all have a safe day and be kind to others

Virtual hugs

Bunny xx

[fan-imagines]

Jackson Avery ~ Bleeding Out

MASTERLIST

<follows storyline, so may contain *spoilers*>

Jackson Avery x NeutralReader

Synopsis - You leave the OR to get blood and run into Mr. Clark. He shoots you and you fight to stay alive in the small supply closet.

Word Count - 2.3k+

**Warnings** mentions of mass shooting

“Dr. Y/l/n, would you mind going to get more O negative blood and also more gauze, please?” Dr. Altman asks me. I am scrubbing in on a surgery with Dr. Altman, Dr. Hunt, and Dr. Avery. Normally a nurse would do this, but I find It better for me to move around in surgery, even if it’s just for two minutes. All the doctors believe I shouldn’t, but Dr. Altman understands and only asks me to do so when we are at a slow moment in the surgery that she knows I can do.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be right back.” I smile, but she can’t see through my surgical mask.

“Thank you.” I nod and leave the OR. I take off my gloves and take off the additional protection I have on for surgeries.  

I go to the blood supply room, and I don’t see O neg blood. I groan, annoyed because I’m missing the surgery. I continue walking down the hallway, and start to wonder why I don’t see anyone. I make It to the other blood supply room, and I look around. I hear the door open and close behind me. I turn to the sound, expecting to see a doctor, but instead I see Mr. Gary Clark.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Clark. You can’t be in here. This is private for staff.” I tell him as nice as I can. I was one of the residents on his wife’s case. She turned out to be brain dead, so we had to unplug her.  

“You were one of the people on my wife’s case. One of the supposed ‘doctors’ that should have saved my wife. You killed her.”  

“I’m sorry, Mr. Clark. I don’t specialize in neuro, Chief Shepherd does. If I saw anything that I thought was remotely suspicious, and could have saved her, I would have spoken up. I’m so sorry, sir.” I tell him, totally genuine.

“It’s too late for sorry.” He pulls out a gun, and my eyes go wide. He points it at me, and shoots it to my stomach. I fall to the ground, and grunt. He leaves the room, but I can only hold my stomach. It feels like I got stabbed with fire. I feel hot tears fall down my face as I squeeze my stomach to stop the bleeding. The bullet hit me in more of my spleen area. If it hit any major organs, I could very well bleed out from the inside. I grab a kit I can use to give myself a blood transfusion. I attach the O neg bag to a needle, and IV. I can easily see the veins in my arm, and I put the needle In. This should help a little, and hopefully buy me some time. I look around for something I can use to hold pressure. I know I will get weak soon, If someone doesn’t find me. I see a thick book, it probably has medical things inside. I reach up and grab it. I also see gauze that I can use to keep the pressure applied. I lay flat on the ground, and wrap my body with the gauze, then put the book on it, then wrap it in gauze again.  

“Ahh.” I cry out, but not loud enough for Mr. Clark to hear me if he’s near. I keep squeezing the gauze, and blood runs down my stomach, onto the floor. It hurts, but I have to make sure I don’t bleed out. I tie the gauze, and it stays in place when I let go. I try to continue to breathe, and stay awake.

!Jackson’s POV!

The door to the ER is opened, and Chief Shepherd comes in.

“Could I speak to Dr. Avery, please?” I hand the clamp I’m holding to a nurse next to me, and walk over to him.

“Yes sir?”

“How is the surgery going?”

“It is going fine. The patient is stable. They are almost finished.” I tell him.

“Once you are done, do not leave this room. There is a shooter in the hospital, we are on lockdown. Do not tell Dr. Altman and Dr. Hunt until the surgery is over. Can you handle this?” I nod, in so much shock. Then i remember that Y/n left to get blood. 

“Y/n left to get blood.” I tell him, trying not to panic too much

“I will keep an eye out and have someone let you know of any updates. Get back to surgery so they aren’t too suspicious.’’ I nod and walk back over.

“What did the chief want?” Dr. Hunt asks me.

“He was just asking how long the surgery was going to take. He needs the OR next.” I go back to my spot.

“Okay. Could you please take back the clamp.” I nod, and I notice that my hands are shaking. “Keep those hands steady. You can’t be a good surgeon If you can’t steady your hands.” I sigh, and nod.

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry.” I try to steady my hands, but I can’t stop thinking about Y/n, and all the other doctors, patients, nurses. I can’t think about that now, I need to concentrate on this surgery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, we’re done here. I need to get him to ICU. He is still critical.” Dr. Hunt says.

“You can’t go anywhere.” I tell him.

“Why not, Dr. Avery? This patient still needs intensive care.”  

“You can’t because we can’t leave this room. There is a shooter and we’re on lockdown.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“Shepherd said-.” But I’m cut off.

“I need to take him. I’m going to take him.

“But Shepherd said-.”

“We can’t stay here. The patient is critical.”

“Well, Shepherd said-.”

“I know what Shepherd said. I’m still taking him.” He says.

“I’m going with you.” Dr. Altman says. They continue before they leave. I sigh, and take my gloves off. I rub my hands on my head. This can’t be happening. I can’t do this. I can’t just sit in this room, but I also can’t leave.  

About thirty minutes later,  I hear people talking outside. I go to the door and open. I see Cristina and Meredith sitting on the floor. They jump when they see me.

“What are you doing? You know there’s a shooter, right! Get in here.” They come into the room and they tell me Chief Shepherd was shot. “We have two nurses, and two anesthesiologists.”

“But we need a surgeon.” I look at Christina.

“We have a surgeon.” Christina says, and I nod.

!Your POV!

“Rising up… back on the… street. Did my time… took my chances. Went the… distance now… I’m back on… on my feet.” I sing so I don’t fall asleep, but I can’t remember all the words right now. My brain is so cloudy. I look at my stomach, and see that I’ve bled through the gauze. I reach to it, but I don’t have the strength to fix it.

“Someone… help me.” I whisper, and close my eyes. I quickly open them back up, not wanting to fall asleep. I turn my head to look at my watch. It says two-fifteen, which means I’ve been laying here, bleeding to death for four hours. I’m lucky I’m still awake. That I am still even breathing. We went into surgery at ten o’clock, they should be done by now. That reminds me of Jackson. His face. If he could just come into the room right now, that would be amazing. I take the deepest breath I can, and continue singing.

“Rising up back… on the street… did my time… took… my… chances.” I feel my eyes close, and i can’t even make myself force them back open.

!Jackson’s POV!

I sigh and walk into the on-call room. We just got out of surgery with Chief Shepherd, after having a gun out to our heads. The man has been taken care of, and the Swat team has cleared the hospital. I need to go find Y/n. I change out of my clothes, and walk out of the hospital. I see lots of people, the police are questioning doctors and nurses. Most of the patients have been transported to a different hospital. I see Chief Webber, and I go over to him.

“Hello, Dr. Avery. Are you okay?”

“Yes. I’m fine. Do you know if Dr. Y/l/n has gone home?” I ask him

“No. I haven’t seen, Y/n.”  

“Has anyone seen Y/n?”

“No one has said anything to me.” I look around, and I see Dr. Torres and go over to her.

“Dr. Torres did you see Y/n? When you were in the halls?” I ask him, getting worried.

“No, I’m sorry.’’

“Has anyone seen Dr. Y/l/n!” I shout into the crowd of doctors. They all shake their heads and say no. I run back into the hospital, and run straight to the blood supply room that was closest to the OR we were in. I open the door, but there is no one in there.

“Oh god. Y/n!” I shout as I jog through the halls. I hear something clatter, and I see another blood supply room. I open the door, and I see Y/n lying on the floor. There is a book strapped down with guaze. There is blood all over the floor.

“Avery.” I hear a breathy voice.

“Hey, you’re going to be okay. I’m here. I’m sorry it took so long, but you’re going to be okay.” I grab some more gauze and unwrap the book. The blood starts to flow a lot faster, and I quickly apply pressure with the gauze.

“Dr. Avery!” I hear Dr. Torres shouting my name.

“I need help!” I shout back at her. I turn back to Y/n, and keep applying pressure.

“Oh my god.” She says and comes next to me.  

“We have to get her to surgery, Dr. Torres.” He nods.

“Pack that gauze on and I need you to run to an OR Try your best to not move too much. I’m going to get the doctors we need. When you get to the OR, I need you to get an ultrasound, so we can get that bullet out. We can’t wait for a CT. Okay? Go. Now.” I grab some tape, and quickly pack that on the wound. I run to the OR, following Dr. Torres’s advice in not moving too much. 

“Come on, Y/n. You’re going to be okay. Just hold on.”  

!Your POV!

I wake up in a hospital bed, and to the sun. I feel weight on my hand, and I turn to it. I see someone holding It, and I follow the arm to see Jackson Avery. He’s asleep, but his grip is still strong.

“Mhmm.” I groan when I feel a headache and pounding in my stomach. I see Jackson look up and look at me.

“How you feeling?”

“Pretty good, considering I almost bled to death after laying on the ground for eight hours.” I say sarcastically. He chuckles.

“I bet. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”

“Well, I’m glad you found me at all. Don’t worry about when you found me. At least you did.” I squeeze his hand, and he smiles. He leans up and kisses my cheek.

“Is everyone okay?” I ask him. He looks down and shakes his head.

“Reed and Charles are dead. Karev, Shepherd, and Hunt got shot.” I sigh.  

“I’m so sorry.” I tell him. His people from Mercy West got shot and killed because of one man.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. I was just worried about you the whole time.” I lightly smile. So many people got hurt, because of Mr. Clark. I see his face again. I see when he took out the gun. I see the ceiling that’s not as white as I always thought as I try not to die. Tears fall from my face, and I cover my face with my hand. I hear Jackson move, then I feel my bed dip on my non-injured side. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him. I grab his shirt, and cry Into it.

“How did this happen?”  

“I don’t know. I don’t know, but we’re going to be okay, Y/n.” He rubs my hair and I slowly fall asleep.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up a few hours after I went to sleep. I had terrible dreams the whole time was asleep, so I just don’t sleep. I sit and look at the clock. Jackson starts to move, and I turn to him. He looks like he’s having a nightmare, like I did.

“Jackson. Jackson.” I shake him, trying to wake him.

“Ahh!” He shoots up awake.

“Hey. Hey. You’re okay. I’m here. You’re okay.” I whisper to him. He looks at me, and closes his eyes to calm himself. “Tell me about what happened with you.”

“I was in surgery with Dr. Shepherd and that man came in and held a gun to mine and Christina’s head. He told us to stop operating or he would kill us. He shot Dr. Hunt, and almost shot Meredith and Christina. I had to unplug Shepherd from the machine so it would flat line. Then I got out of surgery, and I found you in a pool of blood. I was so scared, Y/n.” He says, and I see a tears land on his shirt. I pull him to me and kiss him.  

“All those people are alive and okay because of you. Me being one of them. I had nightmares too, and I don’t think they are going to go away soon. But, I’m here if you need me. I need you so, you don’t really have a choice.” I chuckle, and he smiles.  

“I need you.” He says to me.  

“Want to watch terrible daytime TV with me?” He nods, and I grab the remote from my bedside table. I turn on the TV, and get more comfortable with Jackson.

[thevoilinauttheory]

Prompt #15 1/2: Anger (Free Pass for Reblog)

( For @sea-wolf-coast-to-coast‘s FFxivWrite2019 - for reblogging the updated rules post )

( Prelude to Prompt 2: Bargain; continuation of Prompt 15: Denial )

( Dark!AU where Lothaire goes mad with the grief of losing his husband. )

( Warnings: Dark themes, murder, graphic ways to die. )

This begins the story of Lotaire's anger, his rage, the fire that was left unattended in his eyes, the fury, the hatred, the storm of madness that left him hysterical. The longest of his stages; for days upon weeks, many innocents felt his wrath.

There was no research to be done on souls or bodies, no...this time, this time it was just for the revenge. He recalled the faces of many who stood around and did nothing. They were the first to go.

One. The noblewoman who stood at the corner of the alleyway behind him, watching the scene play out like a theatre drama. She was found strung up like a marionette puppet to the ceiling planks of her home - alive she was, enough to struggle; her mouth sewn shut to portray her silence. The strings and nails cut deeply, but it was the shock that killed her. 

What a way to die, like a doll in fate's design. A drama you wanted, a drama you became.

Two. The poor man who watched him clutch his husband so tightly, never rushing for aid, never approaching to ask or comfort. He knew him well. And yet, the chirurgeon's found him strapped to a medic's bed, flailing. An IV of slow acting poison burned through his veins, and even if he were to call for help...none would hear his cries, for his mouth too was sewn shut. Slowly, slowly, until the poison had him fall to his knees, gasping for air like the man he watched die.

You could have tried to help. You could have gone for aid. Instead, the silence had you staring. Now you will know the pain of never being able to reach for help.

Three. The dockworker whom had finished his rounds, relaxing at the Forgotten Knight. Drunken, he had stumbled past Lothaire as he carried the body of his dead husband. "Ha, that's a lot of blood, that looks bad. You should get that looked at." He had the nerve to say. He had the gall to point out the death he held. He was found in an inn room, after making his rounds at work - blood spilled upon the floor. The wood was practically painted in it, like it was forcibly spread to every inch. The body staked to the wall, drained of every bit of life.

...That's a lot of blood. You should get that looked at. It can't be good for your health.

Four. The shopowner that watched as Misha was swept away by a stranger, the woman who had noticed the concern and worry on Lothaire's face as he chased them down. She was found tied and gagged, fingertips bloodied from dragging her nails upon the cobblestone. Dragged away she was, and with no one to watch. Silence is worse than emptiness. Most of her body had been burnt to ash, with only her head and arms remaining.

The burning one feels when they're worried, you will feel it too. But I cannot plant emotions in your head, so instead you will feel it physically. You watched as he was torn away from me, and now you will know the same fear.

The city began to lockdown - a string of murders, yet none of them related. No one could know the inner workings of the mind of this killer...yet all of them were guilty of the same crime. As the citizens began to close their homes and hide, the guard marched about every street. And one patrol after another would find the heartbroken man seething in the alley his husband died in. One patrol after another would have their bodies littered upon the same ground. Until there was nothing but rot and madness that formed in that alleyway. Perhaps he couldn't raise them perfectly...but.

The people cried for help as the bodies of long rotting guardsmen shambled about the city. Help, they shout for? Help? And where was mine when I needed it? They attacked everything in sight, and the more that fell, the more that rose. Houses and stores were boarded up - the only ones allowed outside were those trained as soldiers. Even then, they still wished to play it safe. There was only one who not only braved being outdoors, but stood up to Lothaire.

"Lothaire? What has gotten into you, what is going on?" The pained and troubled face of his father was met with the tear-stained and mad smile of his son. Fleurgeant could not help but recoil, for it was the same expression that his own father had held so many years ago upon Caromont's death. "Hello...father...I. They. They killed him." He couldn't find the words, his son - his only son, his only child - was gone. The sweetness, the kindness, the curiosity and passion...gone. "Misha...they killed him. Did you not...hear?" "N-no, I did not...no one knows where these murders and undead are coming from. Was this...all you?" "They...brought it upon themselves." He was at a loss, while he disowned his father for the same mad dealings, right now it seemed he actually feared for his life at the hands of his son. He couldn't disown him, no matter how mad, how troubled, how silent or angry. "My son, please...stop this, there has been enough death..." "Enough? Enough?! You wish to tell me of enough when I am faced with losing --" "Just like your grandfather - please, Lothaire." "...I'm not done yet. There's still one more."

Five. The man who started it all. The abuse. The attempts at killing his daughter. The shouting. The assault. The one who killed him. Sabeloux found himself in the same position as Misha. Under Lothaire's boot, heel crushing his ribcage. The knife in his hand perfectly sharpened. "It should have been me, and now it will be you." Lothaire's aim was not as well founded as Sabeloux's, however it cut deeply into the side of his neck when thrown down. And so he was left to choke on his own blood and gag as Misha did.

A fitting way to die. As he did. You deserve a worse fate than death, though. I regret not giving it to you.

[humansun]

Why is Japanese music SO SAD?!

Written on Friday, May 6th at 2:35PM

Updates!

I’m realizing that when I write, it’s more of just a function of releasing my feelings and thoughts I have in the moment and not actually of getting things done unless I make an actual action plan. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I think if I realize something important, I should apply an action to ensure the mistake doesn’t happen or the reactiveness is addressed in future occasions.

Regarding today, I cleaned the shit out of my apartment. The cleansing does something for my apartment, but it also does something for me. Not just the peace of mind that everything is clean, but I feel happy that everything is clean. It’s like a internal cleansing too! It feels so good to use vacuums on carpet to me.

I’m currently at BLTea, such a cute boba shop right now, waiting on my director to come by. But, upon being here, I see a lot of different people who remind me of people from back home, El Monte. Just humble, cozy folks who are living their life and doing whatever they need to do to be happy and survive comfortably. I can’t help but be reminded of Benz, and think so much about how much I love him. He is such an amazing person, inside and out. I could go on and on about it, but every single part of him brings me so much joy. Even the smallest little interactions or (as much as I hate them) the pauses he has before he answers any of my questions, I am genuinely crazy about him.

Doogie Kamealoha highlighted how love is a mystery and I couldn’t help but feel like that statement was very relevant to my life. I don’t know what’s going to happen with me and Benz, and I also don’t know what’s going to happen in the future months of my life. I won’t know what’s happening three months from now or eight years from now or ten. We can never truly plan what we want in life, we just have to do our best and use our goals like guidelines.

Regardless, I am incredibly grateful. I have to keep reminding myself of the blessings in my life, even if things get tumultuous, because I have so many of them. I get to sit in this super awesome boba shop, work from here, and see one of the greatest people I’ve met in my life. I’m blessed. I will continue to believe it.

Written 8:49PM

I just realized looking at my pieces on my work laptop that I’ve been writing since I was in school. I wrote throughout high school and kept writing through college and even now. Writing now has been the biggest payoff though, since I have enough time to dedicate to it voluntarily and also engage in creative exploration by myself. That’s so wild, and I encourage every person who likes writing to keep writing, because it is a wonderful thing to be able to express my feelings and thoughts specifically and in a way that makes me feel good.

The most prevalent thought that bugged me the most today was the feeling I had being at UC Santa Barbara while a senior. I can recall how joyful and bright I was, but I can’t remember the day to day. It all went by so fast and now at 23, I’m looking back not even knowing what it truly was like, which is insane.

If I could go back to experience a week of my life as a senior, I’m curious to know what it would be like, since I don’t remember much of it anymore. I feel like I was just really happy. I spoke to people in the San Nic bathroom, down the hallways, in the lobby, front desk, on the phone, on dates, and casual hangouts in IV. So a big extrovert and very unphased about that as well. There was a Google document I used to plan all my RA events through each quarter and allocate funds. I had a part-time job at Cage Free Productions. I also was doing four or five classes a quarter. How did I have time for anything?

That’s probably why I don’t remember it, since I didn’t spend enough time reflecting I think! But at the same time, I only had 2/3’s of my senior year due to the covid lockdown. Other than that, I did have a great time and it seems a lot of the things that happened then led to the events now. I remember the feelings of senior year vividly, just not my day-to-day lifestyle. The reason I believe I reminisce on the experience I had often is because I want to be that happy again.

There was a freedom I carried with myself through those months. A very powerful level of I don’t care, and I didn’t! I’m certain I care even less now but, the radiance! I want to continue to radiate and be brilliant to the people around me. I am a true believer that if I want something I will always get it, even if it’s a matter of time. I’ve proved it to myself since high school with Kevin Lee, UCSB, the RA position, and now the entertainment industry.

There is no way I can’t get what I want unless the universe does have different plans for me, which is fine, since it more likely than not will be the right path for me. But I know I’m a go-getter and I refuse to let anything get in my path. I’ll continue listening to Big Sean and Drake to motivate me too. Side note that is not related to anything, but I think Japanese songs (not all of them obviously) are the saddest songs I’ve ever heard in my life.

I don’t know what it is, but all the Japanese songs I grew up listening to and even occasionally hear now, make me so sad. They have the most intense, nostalgic (for some weird reason, even if I never listened to it in my life), happy-sad, sounds that hurt my heart. It feels like I’m losing someone I love while dancing and smiling at the same time, which is too deep for my day-to-day. Perhaps I like to live in a constant state of non-sadness and painful nostalgia and that is okay.

I love my blog so much. Today was a great day, because I got the chance to do a good chunk of things I needed to do like clean my apartment, write, meditate, go to the park, eat delicious food, see my supervisor who is awesome, and do all the things I needed to do to be human! Excited for tomorrow’s screening of Maika and Mother’s Day, but I’m also paranoid because this pandemic is the worst! We'll be okay though. 😉

[covid19updater]

COVID19 Updates 07/15/2021

RUMINT (UK):  On the http://gov.uk website, helping a colleague book a PCR test due to headache + low-grade fever + profound fatigue (commonest triad for delta). Have been told they are ineligible because do not have "continuous cough". No way of getting a PCR in a covid hotspot! ( Nothing new about this, but it is an excellent way of keeping official numbers down and contributing to the spread at the same time...)

World:  Global Coronavirus Cases And Deaths Rise, Dampening Hopes For A Return To Normal LINK

South Korea:  South Korea is sending a medical team to the Middle East to tackle a coronavirus outbreak on one of its ships on anti-piracy patrol while at home, new daily infections are hovering around record levels with 1,600 reported on Thursday. LINK

World: The Delta Variant Isn't Just Hyper-Contagious. It Also Grows More Rapidly Inside You LINK

UK:  'I'm really poorly': Actress reveals she has Covid-19 despite getting both vaccine jabs as she reminds people to 'look after yourselves' LINK

India:  Indian Covid patient, 55, attacks and severely injures doctor with IV stand. Police say the doctor has sustained severe injuries and was admitted into an ICU. LINK

World:  Jennifer Frontera up next, again on only hospitalized patients. "COVID seems to predispose patients to neurovascular events." 1.6% of COVID patients vs 0.2% of flu patients have strokes.

Myanmar:  Yangon Cemeteries Overflowing as Myanmar Struggles to Contain Third Wave of COVID-19 LINK

Israel:  Israeli police have been instructed to step up enforcement of the mask rule. "That’s the fair thing to do, because it’s wrong to have people who are lazy and hurt the rest of the public," Prime Minister Naftali Bennett says - AP

Netherlands:  Netherlands COVID update: More than 11,000 new cases, biggest one-day increase since December - New cases: 11,064 - Average: 9,242 (+798) - In hospital: 230 (+18) - In ICU: 72 (-2) - New deaths: 3

Japan:  Tokyo reports 1,308 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase since January, as the city prepares for the Olympics

Malaysia:  Malaysia reports 13,215 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase on record, and 110 new deaths

Indonesia:  NEW: Indonesia reports 56,757 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase on record, and 982 new deaths

Australia:  BREAKING: Australian city of Melbourne to be put on coronavirus lockdown - ABC

Kazakhstan:  Kazakhstan reports 5,314 new coronavirus cases, by far the biggest one-day increase on record, and 47 new deaths

US:  U.S. COVID update: New cases and hospitalizations continue to rise - New cases: 37,993 - Average: 26,894 (+1,275) - In hospital: 21,542 (+783) - In ICU: 5,415 (+133) - New deaths: 398  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 21,000, highest since June 3

Portugal:  Infarmed investigates Janssen (overseas name for Johnson and Johnson) vaccines after fainting spells in Mafra – Coronavirus LINK

China:  #BREAKING China must co-operate better with Covid origin probe: World Health Organization (WHO)  *WHO'S TEDROS: CHINA HASN'T SHARED RAW DATA FROM EARLY PANDEMIC  .@WHO Director-General Dr. Tedros says “access to raw data” has been a challenge in investigating the origins of COVID: “We are asking China to be transparent, open and cooperate, especially on the information, raw data that we asked for in the early days of the pandemic.”

World:  Woman's Sudden Paralysis 'Definitely Caused' By J&J COVID-19 Vaccine LINK

California:  BREAKING: Los Angeles County issues mask mandate, regardless of vaccination status

UK: NEW: Fully-vaccinated Brits who have had AstraZeneca's Covid jab may be up to three times more likely to get symptoms of the virus

World:  Dirty air contributes to #COVID19 severity—Researchers who studied 2,038 adults hospitalized with COVID-19 in Detroit area found that the worse the local air contamination, the higher the odds of needing intensive care and mechanical ventilation. LINK

RUMINT (UK):  I would really like a big UK supermarket chain or a food processing chain to speak up and tell us exactly what is happening regarding the supply chains in the country. Not scaremongering but explaining to us what is going on. I suppose they don't want to create panic tho.

RUMINT (UK):  Food supplier here...   There are several things going on at once. Post Brexit admin causing hold-ups on imports. Big shortages of workers through the chain ( not just haulage). With everything stretched, any extra stress means goods not being where they are supposed to be.

California:  Sacramento and Yolo county return to masks for all LINK

Mississippi:  Seven Mississippi children hospitalized as delta variant surges LINK

California:  COVID Cases Surging in California a Month After Reopening LINK

UK:  Warning to under 30s as quarter hospitalised from Covid suffering serious complications LINK

World:  Long Covid linked with more than 200 symptoms, study suggests LINK

[orbemnews]

Markets Fret Over Halt to Johnson & Johnson’s Vaccine New worries about J.&.J.’s Covid vaccine Federal health officials have called for an immediate halt in using Johnson & Johnson’s Covid-19 vaccine, after recipients in the U.S. suffered blood clots within two weeks of vaccination. It could mark a hurdle for America’s inoculation efforts. Six women between age 18 to 48 developed a rare disorder involving blood clots. One died and another is hospitalized in critical care. Over all, nearly seven million people in the U.S. have received the J.&J. one-shot vaccine, and nine million more doses have been shipped to states. The move follows several countries’ limiting the use of AstraZeneca’s vaccine after similar reports of blood clotting. Both shots are based on the same viral vector technology; vaccines from Pfizer-BioNTech and Moderna haven’t been associated with such risks. J&J’s share price fell nearly 3 percent in premarket trading and U.S. market futures turned negative on the news. It’s unclear how much the J.&J. halt will hurt the Biden administration’s goals, with the White House aiming to have enough vaccines to inoculate all adults in the country by the end of May. F.D.A. officials plan to hold a news conference at 10 a.m. Eastern, and you can listen here. HERE’S WHAT’S HAPPENING More businesses take action against efforts to limit voting rights. Will Smith is pulling a forthcoming film production, backed by Apple, out of Georgia following its passage of voting restrictions. And a group of law firms, including Paul Weiss, Skadden and Cravath, plans to “challenge voter suppression legislation.” President Biden declares semiconductors as infrastructure. At a meeting with tech executives yesterday, Mr. Biden addressed a global chip shortage that has hurt manufacturers, tying the issue to his $2.3 trillion infrastructure spending plans. Britain’s Parliament will investigate David Cameron’s role advising Greensill. The former prime minister will face an independent inquiry into his work lobbying top government officials on behalf of the now-insolvent lender. Mr. Cameron has denied violating lobbying rules. Uber shows a strong rebound from the pandemic. The company reported a record number of bookings last month as Covid-19 vaccination rates rose and pandemic lockdowns lifted. But the company still has a problem: a dearth of drivers. Bitcoin sets a record, again. The cryptocurrency was trading at more than $62,000 this morning, continuing a weeklong run-up. That’s good for Coinbase, the cryptocurrency exchange whose shares are set to begin trading tomorrow at a potential valuation of more than $100 billion. Behold the biggest SPAC deal ever Grab — a ride-hailing company, bank and food delivery business all rolled into one — is set to make its debut on the Nasdaq, in the largest offering by a Southeast Asian company on a U.S. stock exchange. The deal announced today values Grab at $39.6 billion, the largest SPAC deal to date by some distance. It includes an additional investment of more than $4 billion, from investors including BlackRock, T. Rowe Price and Temasek. It’s trying some new things with how SPACs work. The SPAC’s sponsors, Altimeter Capital Management, are holding onto some of their shares for at least three years, matching the span of the financial projections presented in the rollout of the deal. They’re also giving 10 percent of those shares to the company’s recently announced GrabforGood Fund, to share with its workers. It highlights a flourishing dealmaking scene in Southeast Asia. Bain, the consulting firm, said it expected that the region would have at least 10 unicorns — start-ups valued at $1 billion or more — by 2024. Updated  April 13, 2021, 7:14 a.m. ET Meanwhile, the S.E.C. plans to tighten a key rule for SPACs. The agency put out new guidance for warrants, which early investors in blank-check funds can exercise to buy more shares. Those instruments might need to be classified as an accounting liability, which Bloomberg notes poses a headache for both pending SPAC filings and funds that have already struck deals. How did Microsoft escape the antitrust crackdown? Big Tech is under intense scrutiny for its monopoly power, with investigations into Apple, Amazon and Facebook, and a case against Google, underway. But when Microsoft announced yesterday that it would acquire Nuance Communications for $16 billion, analysts appeared confident that regulators would allow it. “We see no major regulatory hurdles to Microsoft getting this deal done,” Daniel Ives of Wedbush Securities wrote in a report. “Microsoft is on the M&A warpath over the next 12 to 18 months and Nuance could be the first step in an increased appetite for deals,” Mr. Ives wrote. The tech giant was the poster child of antitrust action in the 1990s but has received relatively little attention during the most recent round of antitrust probes, even as it bought ZeniMax for $7.5 billion, bid for TikTok and reportedly looked to buy Discord and Pinterest. Satya Nadella, Microsoft’s chief, was the only Big Five tech C.E.O. who did not testify at congressional antitrust hearings last year. After Microsoft completes the all-cash purchase of Nuance, it will still have plenty of money for more deal-making: It ended last year with $132 billion in the bank. “Microsoft right now feels free as a bird,” Mr. Ives told DealBook, in contrast to its Big Tech rivals wary of antitrust attention. So why hasn’t Microsoft attracted more scrutiny? Nuance doesn’t directly compete with Microsoft, which makes it harder to prove that the acquisition would be anti-competitive. The two companies have been partners since 2019, and Nuance’s A.I. and voice recognition technology is mainly focused on the health care industry. Hal Singer, a senior fellow at George Washington University’s Institute of Public Policy, told DealBook that “the proposed acquisition would be considered vertical, as voice assistance would complement Microsoft’s core offering. And the law on vertical mergers is quite weak.” “Microsoft is not perceived as predatory in the same way” as other Big Tech firms, said Matt Stoller, the director of research at the American Economic Liberties Project. “It hasn’t been displacing whole industry segments, whereas the other four have.” He added that government agencies “have to pick something to focus on, and Amazon, Apple, Google and Facebook are the pace-setters of the economy.” But those expecting the deal to sail through could be wrong. Rebecca Slaughter, the acting chair of the F.T.C., has called for a tougher approach to vertical mergers. Last month, the agency sued to block a $7.1 billion deal in the drug industry that would be only the second such case involving a vertical merger in the past 40 years. Positioning Bitcoin for legitimacy Coinbase, the largest U.S. cryptocurrency exchange, goes public tomorrow at what is expected to be an eye-popping valuation. The debut is a major milestone in the mainstreaming of digital money, but barriers to acceptance will remain as long as crypto maintains a reputation for facilitating illicit activity. The exchange and its allies are working to dispel that impression. A former C.I.A. leader called concerns about crypto “significantly overstated” in a new report. Michael Morell said he had begun his “call it as I see it” investigation suspicious of crypto, but concluded that officials are not sufficiently informed about the technology. “Most illicit activity still takes place in the traditional banking system and not via cryptocurrency,” he wrote. Notably, the research was commissioned by the Crypto Council for Innovation, a new trade association with four members: Coinbase, Fidelity, Paradigm and Square. It’s one of several overlapping crypto trade groups lobbying lawmakers in Washington, a subject that DealBook will soon cover in more depth — get in touch with any tips. Wells Fargo invests in five more Black-owned banks Wells Fargo announced equity investments in five Minority Depository Institutions today. It’s part of Wells Fargo’s pledge to invest up to $50 million in Black-owned banks; it invested in six other lenders in February. “The capital came in handy for us to deploy immediately,” said Cynthia Day, the C.E.O. of Citizens Trust, one of the banks receiving an investment. The Atlanta-based bank, which was founded in 1921, issued more than $60 million P.P.P. loans to small businesses during the pandemic. Ms. Day said she expected the bank’s partnership with Wells Fargo to help with technology in particular. “These partnerships allows us to be able to expand and stay independent,” Ms. Day said of the rapid consolidation of regional banks as compliance costs rise and fintech firms compete for customers. The idea came with a change of leadership at Wells Fargo. Charlie Scharf joined the bank as C.E.O in 2019 and Bill Daley as head of public affairs shortly thereafter. “Considering the depth of the issues of this place,” Mr. Daley said, the bank’s leaders discussed “how to get engaged in a different way in lots of communities.” It announced the investment plan in March last year, before the protests over the police killing of George Floyd that spurred a number of similar pledges (sometimes at much larger scales). “That was a little uncomfortable period there,” Mr. Daley said. “And we just said, ‘No we’re on pace to do what we’re going to do — and it’s not about getting that press release out, but getting the relationship done.’” PNC gives up revenue to tame overdraft fees PNC announced a move today to reduce its share of the $17 billion in overdraft fees that Americans pay every year. It’s expected to cut customers’ overdraft fees about 60 percent, and its own annual revenue by $125 million to $150 million. It comes as PNC prepares to close its deal with BBVA, making it the country’s fifth-largest retail bank. Overdraft fees are paid largely by people who can least afford them. Eight percent of American families account for three-quarters of the fees, according to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. “Overdraft is an expensive fee they charge only on those people who run out of money that goes straight to short-term profits,” said Aaron Klein, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution. “We weren’t doing the best we could do by our clients,” PNC’s chief executive, William Demchak, told DealBook. Over the long term he expects that the move will help it gain market share. “In the short run, if it cost us 100 million bucks or something — so what?” How it works: PNC’s app will feature a “low cash mode.” It sends alerts when an account is low, and when it goes negative the customer has at least 24 hours to fix it, including by reviewing pending payments and deciding which to prioritize. “I think it will change the industry,” Mr. Demchak said. For the largest banks to adopt a similar approach is a matter of technology — and desire. Overdraft fees help drive revenue: $35.61 per account annually for JPMorgan Chase on the high end and $4.90 per account for Citi on the low end, according to Mr. Klein. PNC fell in the middle, with $14.96 per account. THE SPEED READ Deals Despite owning over $100 million in stock, Archegos never publicly disclosed its holdings as S.E.C. rules generally require. (NYT) When Wall Street banks’ earnings start coming out tomorrow, they’re likely to show a big reliance on deal-making for profits, thanks in large part to SPACs. (Bloomberg) Politics and policy The U.S. budget deficit hit $1.7 trillion in the first six months of its current fiscal year, setting a record as the government spent trillions on pandemic aid. (NYT) Tech Nvidia plans to roll out a line of general-purpose C.P.U. chips, its most direct challenge yet to Intel. (FT) A key technical standards organization is trying to get rid of computer engineering terms that evoke racist history, like “master,” “slave,” “whitelist” and “blacklist.” (NYT) Best of the rest Reuters named Alessandra Galloni as its new editor in chief, the first woman to hold the role in the news agency’s 170-year history. (NYT) GameStop is looking for a new C.E.O., as the video game retailer overhauls itself after being at the center of the meme-stock frenzy. (Reuters) The New York Stock Exchange’s first NFTs memorialize the initial trades of six stocks, including Spotify, DoorDash and Coupang. (CNBC) We’d like your feedback! Please email thoughts and suggestions to dealbook@nytimes.com. Source link Orbem News #Fret #halt #Johnson #Johnsons #Markets #Vaccine

[pandastern]

A Little Update on My Fics!

Sooo

I know its been a while since ive updated Gravity and Whats your poison Captain Levi

Reason for that was me going through some shit (ahem more lockdown and shitty family) and Finals which pretty much melted my brain xD

However I finally got done with all of that so I can hopefully continue writing soon!

Thanks for the patience!

I appreciate every single one of you that read my stories and left a comment or liked or reblogged it!

[calumcest]

hello my dearest helen. nen scheiß darfst du 😌 i might love you a lot but i will fight you about soulmate au's honour. (also if you think about abandoning this fic - or britpop - i will fly to the uk and scream at you until you continue)

i have been crying about your note for days. you're so kind and i'm very glad my fic comments could bring you some joy (i'm currently rereading britpop btw so expect a new one in a couple of days) and that you thought of me is like !! idek i can't explain it but existing in your consciousness outside of tumblr/ao3 is madness to me 🙈

und ich liebe es wirklich so sehr wenn du was auf deutsch schreibst und keine sorge ich weiß selber nich ob deutsch da groß oder klein geschrieben wird aber ich finde auch groß- und kleinschreibung sollte einfach abgeschafft werden. oh und deine handschrift ist sehr schön nur etwas schwer zu lesen 😅

i'm doing real bad tbh but just hearing from you gave me such a serotonin boost you really cannot possibly understand how nice it is that you're back 💕 how's your masters going? also what exactly is your masters? and how's life in general? i would like updates if you feel like it 😊

oh also since you reblogged that ask: i randomly remember the "all hell breaks lose" line from britpop simply bc even though i expected it to happen like that i was so mad about that cliffhanger and it still haunts me. also. every single time you referenced noel writing songs just is continuously at the back of my head bc i both hate and love you for that. and you can really expect me to be randomly thinking about soulmate au and holyverse at all times not specific lines but just those fics in their entirety -spoiler twin

ok firstly holy shit since when can asks be this long...this is incredibly sexy i love thsi for us also since when can u make text small in asks...please teach me this power (also i have 6k of the next chapter of britpop!! if i can get my shit together it will hopefully be posted in the next couple of days) 

!!!! youre SO cute of COURSE i literally adore you i cant even tell you on my big ol break from tumblr how many times i thought about you and when you started commenting on my fics again i was like !! like you do cross my mind you exist outside of these asks very much so <3 (also i am SO excited for that honestly...) 

!! sogar wenn mein deutsch so schlecht ist wie jetzt?? aber HONESTLY ffs es ist so BLÖD aus WELCHEM grund müssen nomen großgeschrieben werden. AUS WELCHEM GRUND!!!!!!!!!!! es ist aber irgendwie ganz nett mit dir deutsch zu sprechen? fühlt sich irgendwie wie eine geheime sprache obwohl wir nicht die einzigen deutschsprachigen sind skdjfbskdjf und DANKE ich weiß dass meine handschrift total unleserlich ist aber wenn sie auch schön ist dann kann ich damit leben <3 

:(( i’m so sorry to hear that is there anything i can do? (more wilde kerle au?) but honestly if there’s anything i can do for you at all i’m always here i really hope things improve for you soon <3 thank u for asking!! my masters...She Is Stressful. She Is. i’m studying history of science medicine and technology and i actually only wanted to be studying history of medicine so i already dont care about like half my course and secondly its FUCKING SO SCIENTIFIC and SO PHILOSOPHICAL we spent half an  hour the other day debating whether you can ever learn something if you dont already know it. WHATTTTTTTT i hate philosophy so much however ive made some really good friends here which has been really lovely! its been shite recently since we had lockdown 2 and the tier system so all ive really been able to do w people is go on walks but you know it be how it be 

!!!!!!!!!! mate i literally remember writing that line like HEE HEE that was the scene i was writing the entire fic for i got to that line and the scene after and then i was like Ah my job is finished the fic is over i dont know what to writ enext ksfjbjwhebfwe also !!!!! thats so cute i wkll possibly try and write more soulmate au over xmas but i cannot promise u anything but britpop is defnitely on the way 6k down 2k to go <3 

[techcrunchappcom]

New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/covid-19-live-updates-opening-of-u-s-education-system-brings-strike-threats-new-cases-and-improvisation/

Covid-19 Live Updates: Opening of U.S. Education System Brings Strike Threats, New Cases and Improvisation

On Tuesday, New York City released more than 1.46 million coronavirus antibody test results, the largest number to date, providing more evidence of how the virus penetrated deeply into some lower-income communities while passing more lightly across affluent parts of the city.

Elsewhere in the United States:

In Puerto Rico, where cases have been trending upward, Gov. Wanda Vázquez said she was imposing a lockdown that will apply on Sundays through Sept. 11, the latest in a series of escalating restrictions meant to keep people at home and not socializing with friends or family. Violators of the island’s mask order will be subject to a $100 fine. A nightly curfew remains in effect. Under the new Sunday order, Puerto Ricans will be allowed to leave their homes that day for only a handful of reasons, like going to grocery stores, pharmacies or hospitals, or working in essential services. Alcohol sales will be banned and beaches closed. Though houses of worship will be allowed to remain open at 25 percent capacity, Ms. Vázquez urged that religious services be held online.

Apple reached $2 trillion in value, with half added in the past 21 weeks, while the global economy shrank faster than ever amid the pandemic.

The 4,600 midshipmen, or students, at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md., began a mix of online and in-person classes on Wednesday, but not all of them will be on campus right away. About 500 students will be housed off campus because dormitory space has been set aside for those who may need to quarantine. The U.S. Military Academy at West Point, N.Y., which has more space, allowed all its cadets to be on campus when classes began Monday.

The University of Notre Dame in Indiana, which moved to online instruction after a surge of cases, said Wednesday that it was pausing football practice for at least a day “in an abundance of caution.” The announcement came less than a day after Notre Dame said that athletic activities would continue during the university’s two-week run of remote learning. The football team is scheduled to begin its season on Sept. 12.

Nevada reported on Wednesday that were 32 new deaths, a single-day record for the state.

U.S. health officials announce nationwide sewage testing for the virus.

Federal health officials announced a nationwide plan on Monday to begin testing sewage for the virus, as a potential measure of where the virus is spreading and at what rate. Infected people can pass the virus in their feces, and scientists are able to detect its levels in samples of wastewater from local sewage treatment centers.

In a statement, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said that it “is currently developing a portal for state, tribal, local, and territorial health departments to submit wastewater testing data into a national database for use in summarizing and interpreting data for public health action.” The program is intended to complement other measures, like clinical testing, not to replace them, the statement read.

Public health workers have analyzed sewage to track other viral outbreaks, like polio, for decades. The technology has advanced to a stage where it can estimate levels of the virus, providing a rough read on the prevalence of infections in an entire community.

The new initiative came days after New York’s governor announced a $500,000 wastewater testing pilot that would begin with samples from Albany, Newburgh and Buffalo, as well as from Onondaga County. On Tuesday, New York City’s mayor said that the city was eager to participate as the program expanded.

“The city is especially well positioned to use this technology because of our infrastructure,” he said.

Reporting was contributed by Sarah Almukhtar, Peter Baker, Alan Blinder, Alexander Burns, Benedict Carey, Choe Sang-Hun, Lynsey Chutel, Emily Cochrane, Nick Corasaniti, Thomas Erdbrink, Richard Fausset, Luis Ferré-Sadurní, Sheri Fink, Jacey Fortin, Katie Glueck, Joseph Goldstein, Jason Gutierrez, Anemona Hartocollis, Isayen Herrera, John Ismay, Mike Ives, Jennifer Jett, Anatoly Kurmanaev, Sharon LaFraniere, Apoorva Mandavilli, Alex Marshall, Jonathan Martin, Patricia Mazzei, Claire Cain Miller, Adam Nagourney, Jack Nicas, Elisabetta Povoledo, Frances Robles, Anna Schaverien, Christopher F. Schuetze, Eliza Shapiro, Jeanna Smialek, Sheryl Gay Stolberg, Eileen Sullivan, Jim Tankersley, Sheyla Urdaneta, Noah Weiland and Elaine Yu.

[uwuuniblog]

WEEK 4- BLOGS AND VLOGS

I’ve set up this blog to document my business studies and I also think a separate blog for the public to view would also be great to document work and the research behind my work more thoroughly. Some Illustrators have a blog on their website. It is more informal and gives a bit more insight into yourself, your process and ideas as opposed to a formal portfolio. When I go onto build my website, I think I will add a separate tab for a blog section. 

I believe blogging is a great way to engage people. Some people might not have the time or be bothered to sit and scroll through a blog. But video documentation can be a bit more exciting to sit and watch someone create artwork, as opposed to just reading. It’s effortless to sit and watch a video and it can be just as informative, if not more insightful as you can step into the life of the artist and view video content.  

 I think youtube is great but I have not got an account for my artwork. But I think tutorials and time lapses of doing art work are quite popular as people often enjoy to see the process. Youtube also requires a lot of editing and I would need a very good quality camera, which is something I would definitely consider in the future. But a popular app Ive seen people using on social media is TikTok. “Tik Tok is a social media platform for creating, sharing and discovering short music videos”. 

A few artists/ illustrators that I follow on Instagram use the app. And think it could be quite good for some self promotion and to get some new followers.

I created the account and have called it UWU studio. So far I have posted just two videos. Both time lapse videos, one using pro markers and one using acrylic. I have only had the app one day but have accumulated some followers and some positive feedback in the comments. 

Another social media platform is helpful for more exposure, possibly a different audience and also for feedback. You can see from the likes and comments the types of things people like, and perhaps want to see more of. So in the future I can tailor my uploads based on what my followers are interested in. 

I will continue to use the account, as vlogging is something new for me and also something that could give me some more exposure and also possibly some new customers. I will update if the app proves to be a success and something that I continue to use as self promotion. 

BENEFITS OF BLOGGING/VLOGGING

The benefits of blogging and vlogging is you can engage on a more personal level. A website is more of a portfolio and showcase fo just your work. Whereas through blogging and vlogging, you get more of a “ day in the life” experience. Where I’ve shown the process of a piece of artwork it allows the viewer to see how much work has gone into it, or the products I’ve used it causes interest and engagement. Using TikTok I’ve had a more global audience through the use of hashtags. And also a wider age range. 

The Vlogging allows to just record what I am already doing. No extra work just allows you to see “ behind the scenes” which a lot of people really seem to engage well with. My followers are slowly building. As my accounts all have the same name I have gained some additional followers on other social media platforms too!

DOWNSIDE OF BLOGGING/ VLOGGING

Its quite time consuming, the editing of videos and the set up. Once I have developed my practice and have a set studio it would perhaps become easier. I could keep my go pro/ lighting In the same place on my desk so I just have to click start while I work and there won’t hopefully be as much set up time. 

Also, writing isn’t a huge love of mine and I find blogging quite hard articulating my point. 

EXAMPLES

I really like this blog. Its bright and bold and eye-catching. 

this tumblr blog of mine, is to record vital business information and my progress in my self promotion and to guide me once I’ve left uni. But a separate blog could be good for my followers or potential clients/ customers to see more about me. On my website I have added a small blog area of my travels to show my passion for art goes much further than just studying, that its what I do mainly in my free time also!

A vlogger I really like is this YouTube account. Jess Engle. She gives a day in the life and talks about freelancing 

Another one I like which isn't specific to illustration but great in terms of advice and running a business is this YouTube account. Nay Nichole. Giving tips and real life advice. It would take months of research to find some of these things out , asking lots of questions and these videos answer many important questions in minutes... and from a place of personal experience and success!  It feels very personal and when I have more time is something I’d be super interested in as YouTube is such a popular platform it could benefit me in reaching a larger audience, more followers and then hopefully more clients! 

UPDATE:

I started to use Vimeo to display some videos that I created for my contextual studies module. My project was a wellbeing garden exploring community and participatory art. Sadly, the project was postponed due to the pandemic. But doing a video actually meant more people were able to see the garden. Despite not being able to experience the garden in person, it has meant a wider audience has been able to view it globally; while still adhering to the lockdown. It also given people some ideas and inspiration on how people can transform their gardens and spend time in lockdown doing something beneficial for their mental health and the environment. 

It gained quite a few views and so vlogging has actually proved a very useful tool for engagements and exposure. People from around Europe and the US viewed the videos which I could recognise from the comments. 

The views I received ( as you can see from above screenshots) were more than the amount of guests who would've used the garden. However if I continue to vlog I will use YouTube as it is a more common platform and could potentially even receive more views. To watch on Vimeo you must have an account or sign in which could deter people from viewing. Instead YouTube is easier and simple as most people have an account or know how to use it. Once I have finished my degree I will definalty create an account for uwu studio showing work virtually or doing tutorials as I have previously taught art at a studio and its a popular way to engage people .

[credulouscanidae]

genuinely how do people cope with having an almost full-time job? i work 4 days a week 9-5 and ive been doing that for...6 months? now? and despite loving work while im there, the depression and chronic overwhelmingness and feeling time-poor is driving me insane.

my previous job i only did 3 days a week, and sometimes 4 if i was really needed, and i remember the 4 days work weeks were so....”this is a huge week, im gonna be fucken wrecked from this” and now thats apparently my norm. 

if not the physical aspect, the mental aspect is just too much. the anxiety of customers, the stress of still learning dog grooming so needing to take my time on specific dogs...idk...maybe its cuz its a corporate groomer so we have a lot of dogs at once coming in.

the reason ive even survived as long as i have is BECAUSE its dogs. happened at my previous job too. which i lost to covid lol. but i could handle that because it was dogs.

and then i feel spineless and cowardly from not dealing with this. ive had breakdowns in the past about getting a job because i feel like i cant handle it. nowadays i WANT to handle it. i have dreams of running my own business from home with dog grooming, and working on my art, i WANT to be working this job, but the impact its having on my mental health is just so.....

i was coping better when i was having my adhd meds, but ive had to pause because my baseline tests came back with a worry about my heart so thats fun too....and maybe i put too much faith in meds to make things so much easier, and they did, but the crashes or the illness i felt after taking them really fucked me up. like. sent home from work fucked up.

i just wish there were more days in the week. i wish there was more TIME. i wish that the cost of living wasnt so fucking expensive so i could feel like im actually fucking saving away for something with this job, but i still have my mountains of debt, barely scraping by week to week on my income, so i need to take commissions for extra help, then i have to spend my art time on doing commissions, unable to work on my passion projects. its all just a mean horrible continuous fucking cycle, combined with my organisation issues and procrastination. im so sick of myself. i have had this rant over and over for the last 6 months, lamenting about how busy i feel and overwhelmed i obviously am.

we had another 2 week covid lockdown recently so my work was closed. and despite the financial stress of that, for those 2 weeks i actually felt rejuvenated. i felt a bit cooped up inside, because my brain is constantly going brrrrr, but i actually managed to catch up on art and do all these nice relaxing switched-off things for myself. and i felt i could do all these things and felt a lot of natural want to do things again. 

i mean, during last year when i had no job in quarantine, i was literally animating quite elaborate stuff and it was so nice and fun.

maybe im just at an impasse of my passions. i know i dont have to choose between art and grooming, but my time poor ass feels like i do. because i could barely manage an art “job” in quarantine (social media updates, routine comms, etsy, etc)

whatever. im rambling now. im just tired of these questions running through my head over and over, im really alarmed by how suddenly depressed and on edge i feel after being at work for 2 days after lockdown. i know this all sounds lazy but. im genuinely distressed by this. and i dont want to ask to reduce my hours to 3 days, because the previous worker did that apparently, until she reduced to 1 day, and my coworkers are obviously salty about that. i dont want to let them down...