#ive been thinking a lot about times like this where he'd purposely try to make me feel bad about myself

[evermorecountsastherapy]

a few months back, I decided to paint my nails a deep red and went to work with them like normal and my (now ex) manager was like "those are a lot better than the black" out of nowhere while I was typing away at one of the computers and I am... still thinking about it. for some reason 🧍‍♀️

[year2000electronics]

HIII I'm immediately obsessed w your Just Say Yes au like GRHRGGRH I'm gnawing on this foreverr. as a sweater twins enjoyer though it's UGHH. angst <3 . but angst </3

even when mabel and dipper eventually reconcile (because I'm getting the feeling they will, at least someday) could mabel and ford ever reconcile? I'd imagine she blames him more than she blames dipper for the whole ordeal, and with stan inadvertently kinda making it worse (not to mention bill just. being bill.)

UGH and he'd probably still be too stubborn to admit or apologize even to his niece (I say this w love I promise). god save ford from the wrath of an arts and crafts girlie. the multiverse couldn't prepare him for her.

this is a tough question, and one i have been GNAWING on. ive been working on a full plot for just say yes beyond just the initial premise (there's a lot of stuff i have to consider! i'm even trying to consider whether there even should be an eventual weirdmageddon or not) so its like, i dont know the ending to it all yet, but i know that i want like. a happy ending but REALISTICALLY happy, yknow? so its not all kittens and rainbows but i think dipper and mabel are definitely gonna make up and theres gonna be the chance to heal. the chance is so important.

but that still leaves the question of the stans, and by extension, the stans' now-splintered relationship with their "opposite" pines kids. its tempting to say mabel never want to talk to ford again, right? he came into their lives, punched their grunkle in the face, made everything awkward and stressful for the entire time he was there, and by the end of the summer, took her brother away and then was part of the reason he became a paranoid shut-in.

but i think it eats at her that they have something in common that nobody else currently alive can say they have.

a friendship with bill.

it's not JUST that bill is some master manipulator, its more about what he represents for both ford and mabel. both of them were approached by bill during a period in their life where they felt more lonely than they ever had before (especially in the wake of a rift between them and their twin) and bill purposely used that against them. how can they explain to people that they confided in bill, and they ignored the signs? how can they explain why on earth they would trust a DEMON? who could sympathize with the twins who sold the world?

i think thats what could be the key to mending the relationship between all four of them. ford being the one to reach out to mabel after everything's done, after she either helps billie bring about weirdmageddon or ALMOST bring it about depending on what i decide. i think for ford, whos been slowly realizing that he is hurting the people he loves, and has been forced to reckon with that because unlike fiddleford and stan, he's living with dipper and seeing him slowly grow into a reflection of his own negative traits. and he realizes that him and mabel separating was In Large Parts His Fault.

the fact that ford would reach out to mabel and try to extend the olive branch during the period of her life where she probably feels the most like a pariah, more alone than even before billie, to say "sometimes we do selfish things. but that doesnt make us irredeemable" is a sort of atonement for both her and himself, and also a way for him to admit that yes, he did hurt people

[fullonfandomindulgence]

dimple is a great fucking character and i will fight anyone who says otherwise. specifically i will fight them by making them read this masterpiece client-crashing god-tackle effortpost about dimple

ive deliberately put off watching the telepathy arc episodes so i could finish this. i like tome So Much. you have no idea how much willpower it took. but it is done and its abt dimples like whole story and purpose and life and i think its a real good thing for you to read and enjoy

im so serious about this that I'm gonna capitalize and punctuate. My sorta thesis here is that Dimple's goals of manipulation are an expression of the basic act of choice that Mob Psycho 100 defines as living, but caring for Mob freaks him out because it distracts him from that purpose, and that contradiction and desperation to choose to live through control is tragically what ends him. Dimple is a friend. Strap in, motherfuckers, we're going for a ride.

Dimple's Goals (Dimpoals)

This is kinda an easy one.

I'm gonna be using images from the show and the comics but I'm not talking about anything past season three, episode six, so no worries anime-onlys. I describe all relevant visual info for each image, though there are also extra IDs in the alt text--I try not to repeat information.

Dimple wants to be a god, "the ultimate being in all creation," "the greatest power in the whole world," and "an object of devotion for all humanity." This dovetails with ideas about superiority and idealism in other parts of the comic but this post ain't about that. It's important that he never says what he'd actually do as a god. Like what is the power for? This comes up in his final confrontation with Mob, too.

Dimple claims that Psycho Helmet leads "people onto the right path," but the second Mob interrogates that he admits he has no plan, "no codex of any kind" from the comic. I don't think that's entirely true, though. Clearly Dimple doesn't care about ruling, because he doesn't actually know what he'd do with the power. But he does want to be revered--he wants positive attention!

Dimple's LOL cult is all about people laughing, and in this panel he says he chose that so he could gain a following without violence. Dimple's attempt with the divine tree is the same, he's trying to keep people the same besides their worship of the tree, make them feel happy in togetherness, help them "find peace at heart." I think there is a reading where making people happy is just a means to an end for Dimple. He for sure tries to kill Mob the first time they meet. But he doesn't have any logic for why he's not, like, using his powers to threaten people and demand tribute. He wants to become a god by making people feel good.

All this said--he's not gonna do it by being himself.

Identifying as evil

When Dimple meets Reigen he identifies himself as an evil spirit. Obviously this is sort of a joke. Like the idea that Mob's pet/mascot is actually an ancient malevolent ghost is pretty funny. But it's meaningful for Dimple's character too, so let's talk about what "evil" looks like. First, obviously the possession thing. How good is it that among all the people trying to manipulate Mob, one of them wants to literally control his every move? Second, here's a bunch of bad stuff Dimple did that Mob thinks about right after Teru tries to exorcise him:

Bro! She's like fourteen! (Dimple makes a lecherous comment about Tsubomi in this image.) He threatens Reigen, he tells Mob the body improvement club is a waste of his time, he straight up asks Mob if he can possess him... He's vindictive, pushy, mocking, and transparently manipulative.

Now to be fair lots of Mob Psycho characters are Like That. But there are some other things more specific to Dimple. Third, he tries to possess Ritsu, taking advantage of his fear of Mob. Fourth, again, the attempting-to-kill-Mob thing. Fifth, here's a bit from a recent side story:

My god. Dimple is terrifying in this. If you haven't read it, Uu is a little dog spirit that Reigen's been keeping around as a pet. Dimple notices that it's feeding on Reigen's energy so he gets rid of it. In these panels he waits until Reigen asks him where Uu is before telling him that he ate it. He has all these lines on his face and this expression of like hostile delight. There are creepy effects blobs behind him. He burps! He does a thing he knows will hurt Reigen and then rubs it in his face, acting like he takes pleasure in it. And finally from one of my favorite scenes in season 2:

I love love love this scene, when Mob is asked to exorcise the ghost family and he refuses. It takes the existing tropes in the story and introduces this like moral complexity and thoughtfulness, it communicates a change in stakes... "They won't have to exorcise you if the clients are dead." Again Dimple is smiling maliciously. He tries to manipulate ghost dad into attacking the college assholes, which is the one hand, for the purpose of getting him exorcised by Mob, which is the other hand. Harm in both directions. There is a third hand! We'll get to it.

But I want to summarize this section first: Dimple's default tool for dealing with adversity is manipulation. He, unlike, say, Reigen, is very comfortable looking like the bad guy, and to some extent he believes he is one. He wants to reach godhood by making people feel good, and he's going to do that not through bloodshed or by being a paragon of virtue but by using other people's flaws to control them.

The Living Spirit

Sorry, I want to do some more stuff before I get to the third hand.

I'd like to think I've been helpfully analytical up to this point, though probably not too novel. But I haven't seen anyone talk about this. Dimple is the liveliest dead guy in the comic, by a wide margin. He has multiple genuine relationships with people, he gets embarrassed, he gets happy, he fears things, he fully laughs. Sure in-canon this might be a proximity thing but in a narrative context I think it's significant that he's so much more of a character than other spirits. Here, in essentially his introduction as a significant character, he says, "I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a ghost!" There's also a great pun he makes in the Dark Horse translation when Reigen questions the existence of urban legend spirits--"Look, pal, just because you're a fake, don't disrespect the lived experience of the dead!" He thinks about living a lot.

Dimple comes back from apparent evaporation more than once, first when Mob exorcises him at the LOL meeting, second when Teru exorcises him in their first encounter. He really really wants to live.

Then there's the brief conversation between him and Reigen about the woman being stalked by what appears to be a spirit, but ends up being a neighbor astral-projecting himself. In this panel Dimple denies that spirits get horny. "It's not like we can do anything about it." He doesn't even think about like romantic love. So most importantly, canon aroace Dimple. But also Dimple believes that being a ghost reduces your existence. It's not even a possibility to do certain things, whether you want to or not. There's a tension here, Dimple craves life but knows that as-is he can't have it.

And then there's this six-page omake at the end of volume five. Please please read it if you can, it's not in the anime and it's such a good little story. When Dimple is almost exorcised by Teru, he only just manages to pull together an ant-sized form, and is rescued from being eaten by a pig ghost by a tiny human spirit called Stubble. The above image is an abandoned house in the woods, with Stubble, off-screen, monologuing, "I simply don't want to perish. I don't hold any grudge against this world. Neither do I have any dreams. Years have passed, without a clear goal." Stubble lives an extremely reduced existence, figuratively and literally. He rides around on the back of the ghost of flea, i.e., he is dependent on the echo of a thing that needs to latch onto something else to exist. He has no agency at all.

It's disconcerting, how Dimple starts at Stubble's size and slowly grows--or, reframed, Stubble slowly shrinks. Here Dimple accuses Stubble, "You died, even before your death. But I on the other hand..." Stubble gets angry. "You're dead too!" Again you should read the story, the way it concludes really blows me away.

Remember in the first episode of season three the S&S crew help the bald guy out of his funk, and at one point he says, "Am I doomed to just repeat these meaningless days until my death?" And then, soon after, "Wait, is my life already over?"

This is about the desperation of agency. Because like, Stubble is right. Dimple has been dead for a long time. His goal is ridiculous. His existence is scraps, yet he's clinging to them with everything he has. What's the point? Lay down alone among the insects, shrink and fade.

Dimple doesn't have a counterargument to Stubble. He doesn't justify "why." But the last sentence he says in the omake is, "I want to stay alive." Dimple, and by extension this omake, and if I may be so bold all of Mob Psycho 100, identifies agency with life. It's not even that life is about making choices, it's that life is literally the act of choosing. You have to choose to live. And Dimple does.

He likes control. He likes choice. He may not be alive but he chooses to live every day. Why? Because he has a purpose: he's going to become a god. And he's going to take Mob there with him.

The Third Hand

Are you good? You're like 1500 words in, feel free to take a break, drink some water.

Maybe you're starting to sense where this is heading. On the third hand, Dimple manipulates ghost dad to help Mob. He attempts to take away both of their autonomy in order to ease Mob's obvious distress. Let's talk about Dimple's evolving relationship with Mob.

I say this a third time, Dimple tries to kill Mob when they meet. Then, despite a positive spin on his initial pitch to Mob, he's pretty transparently evil about it.

These frames of the show are from that introduction, the first with Dimple surrounded in stars and bright colors saying "Let's shoot for the top of the world together," the second with Dimple thinking, face lit from below and body language full of menace, "I'll just wait for my chance to possess him." To be fair again, lots of Mob Psycho characters are Like That. Compare this to the first episode of season two: when Mob tells Dimple the story about Emi, Dimple, excited, assures him that they should keep sticking together so Dimple can help him out with these things. The animators even use the same image of Dimple with the stars and colors:

"Looks like you'll always need an advisor like me!" But this time he doesn't have the sinister turn he did when they first met. This is how Dimple keeps acting throughout season two. He helps Mob, apparently so that Mob trusts him so that in turn Mob can help him reach godhood. But he goes so far above and beyond without any malice: he keeps Banshomaru safe, he possesses one of the high school kids bullying Mob, he eats the curse off Reigen's back, he tries to defend Mob against fucking Toichiro.

Here's a great couple panels: after Dimple explains the deal with urban legends becoming real, he reiterates that he wants to be a god. Then Mob asks Dimple to "make sure [Banshomaru] won't get hurt," and little surprise lines come off Dimple. He agrees but says, "You gotta do me a favor sometime too." Dimple is a little struck by Mob's trust, but maybe more importantly this is the first time in a while, and I think the last time in season two, that Dimple suggests Mob do something for him. It only comes after he reiterates exactly what his purpose is. Dimple's priorities are a little unstable.

Yeah this is just a full comic page from the encounter with Mogami but it's meaningful as shit. Dimple has just suggested taking over Mob's body to protect it. The first panel is Dimple looking away and down, deflated, ashamed. A few sweat drops come down his face. He says, "but something like that..." And to his surprise (action lines, closeup, wide eyes) Mob agrees. Dimple puts on an evil affect when he responds: a horizontally squashed panel shows his backlit face. He smiles unpleasantly and laughs a little, "Kuku..." But his heart clearly isn't in it! His eyebrows are worried, not hostile. There's no pleasure in his smile. He's covered in sweatdrops, eyes wide. When Mob assures Reigen, "It'll be okay," there's another panel of Dimple where the remnants of that affect slide off him. The backlighting is still present but not as severe, the echo of that smile is on his cheek. He's openly worried and covered in sweatdrops. Mob's speech bubble covers a large portion of his face.

Points about this. First, by now Dimple has given up on possessing Mob. This thing that seemed like the main path to his goal is not an option. Second, while both Dimple and Reigen believe that this is a bad idea for Mob, Mob disagrees. Dimple identifies as evil. Reigen identifies him as evil. Mob no longer does. This is classic Shigeo Kageyama behavior, being generous to people even when no one including themselves thinks they deserve it. And the worst part for Dimple is he's starting to agree with Mob. When the option he'd dropped is handed to him on a silver platter, he finds he doesn't want to take advantage of this kid that way. He's a different person than he was.

I don't even know how relevant this is but. Look how much fucking fun Dimple has when he's possessing Mob to protect him. He's doing all these flips and kicks. His smile when he's fighting Mogami!Asagiri is so funny. He does the wildest mid-air combo I ever did see when he attacks the Claw guy as Mob.

Mob becomes such a top priority for Dimple that in the first episode of season three he realizes he forgot that he wanted to become a god. Not only that, but when he comes to Mob to convince him to lead the cult together he's immediately distracted by Mob and what's going on in his life. Mob has to prompt him for him to remember that he's there about the cult.

All this is why Mob's mistrust of Dimple in this conversation is so tragic. Dimple has helped Mob so much, and been so much of a genuine friend, because he knew that Mob trusted him. Where did it go? What happened? Mob's parting words to him are, "Why don't you give your schemes a rest already?" What schemes?? This is the first he's had in months. The translation in the comic, though, is so much more brutal:

"Why don't you stop doing bad things?"

Dimple is

Dimple is terrified of Mob. When Mob wonders if Dimple is scared of him, he's right, of course he is. He has lots of reasons. Mob almost evaporates Dimple when they first meet, threatens him multiple times. Dimple saw him at 100% rage, Mob's first on-screen. He watched Mob hit ???% without being knocked unconscious. This is all especially threatening given Dimple's drive to live. He's terrified when Ritsu tries to fight Mob, he's terrified when Mob asks him if he had anything to do with Ritsu's kidnapping, he's terrified when he thinks Reigen is about to tell Mob that they don't know what happened to his family. But I also read his fear as a symbol of how important Mob is. Dimple attached himself to Mob as the way to achieve his goal. Dimple helps Mob out in so many ways, putting off his goal, so that eventually they can fulfill his purpose together. Then he starts caring about this kid so much that he forgets his purpose! Of course Dimple fears Mob, because their relationship threatens what drives him to live. As much as Dimple is a manipulator, Mob is the one who ultimately has power over him.

Dimple so easily reverts to an evil persona once he leaves Mob because without Mob that's all he can be. If he can't get to the top with Mob, then he has to do it the old way, by using people's flaws to manipulate them. He's able use the broccoli to become a physical presence and get around the "amazing power" problem--though the broccoli's presence and power are still kinda Mob's! But why does he need to become a god at all? Because that's all he is. If he doesn't have Mob and he doesn't have his purpose, then he has nothing.

"Don't go casually denying the thing I've been wanting so badly!" Dimple gets so angry when Mob tells him he's being fake because first, Mob is denying Dimple's manipulative tendencies, which are really important to Dimple right here because he feels his identity is so precarious. And because second, Mob is denying Dimple's purpose. Dimple is in equal danger from Mob's physical attacks and Mob's denial of what he wants. What he wants, what he chooses, is what living is. Dimple doesn't want to die.

Here's a lot of a comic page again, from the final confrontation. Dimple tells Mob that he's just been using him the whole time they've known each other. Mob says, "I'm sad... Does that mean it's time to say goodbye to Dimple?" He steps towards Dimple, who screams in fear and anticipation. I think this is basically the worst thing ever, because god, Dimple is so afraid. Mob is justified in what he's doing but Dimple's desperation is what stands out to me, how hard he's tried to cling to agency and life and how sincerely he believes Mob is about to take it all away from him anyway, to disappear forever and ever.

And then Dimple insults Mob's shirt.

Dimple insults Mob's shirt

Fucking kills me. These are two frames from episode six, Dimple sees how much Mob suddenly trusts him and his reaction is anger, "You okay with leaving me like this?" His eyes are wide, brow down in anger. And then what he says next, "I'm... a dangerous evil spirit!" Here the anger is present but has softened with worry on his brow. The lines by his nose and his pouty lower lip make him look scared and sad. This fight has made it important to Dimple's identity that Mob try to stop him, because he's evil, and Mob stops evil spirits.

Panels from the comic where Mob tells Dimple, "You weren't doing bad things. You were just doing what you wanted to do. Together with me. You trusted me before I trusted you, Dimple. Thank you." Mob doesn't think Dimple is evil, but he identifies how important Dimple acting on his wants is, and he tells him that he still values their relationship. He denies that he has to hurt dimple but affirms his power to choose.

I maybe could've skipped a lot of BS if I put this page further up but I wanted this to get felt, what Dimple's admitting to himself here. It's another section of a page. Panel one, a white splotch in darkness with Dimple's thoughts, "It felt like my ambitions would fade away. Did spending time with unselfish Shigeo cause even me to lose sight of my goals?" Panel two, Dimple is the white splotch. He's scared. "...eh? Wait, that's a problem...!! I'll lose my reason for existing!" So Dimple tells Mob, angry, "No, not yet... I'm not done yet! Even now... I've still got... plenty of things I want to do! And ambitions!" Mob agrees, with that tired, frank look. "I'll hear you out for real. As your friend." Accepting Mob's friendship like this is terrifying, because it means what it always has, forgetting about this purpose. What if Mob stops trusting him again? If he really, consciously abandons his purpose, will he still have agency? He wanted a friend, always wanted a friend. Will it be enough? Will he disappear?

Dimple takes Mob's hand anyway. This was such an amazing shot, I've reproduced its animated glory here, Mob and Dimple reach towards each other, Mob weakly, so Dimple closes the gap and grabs him. The hand grasp of all time. I'm not gonna talk about how this fits into all the other Mob Psycho hand symbolism, that's another 4000-word megapost.

It's worth it. I'm convinced that by involving yourself in a network of people and creating some sense of obligation to others you can actually give yourself an even deeper kind of agency than you could achieve alone. And this is awful, terrifying. Because it involves giving yourself up a little bit. You have to give up some control. Dimple wants to be a god, to have ultimate power and control, so much of him is his manipulation, but he has to give that up for this. Goals that may have guided you for a long time can become irrelevant--and then who are you? If you've defined your life by something for years, and at the end of the decade you realize you don't fit your definition anymore, where do you go? Dimple tells Mob, "Let's go home." But...

Panels from the comic, where Dimple carries a sleeping Mob and thinks, "I said 'let's go home,' but I don't really have any place to 'go home' to... And I don't have anything to aim for from here... I wonder what I should do now." That Dimple is allowing himself to think this is really powerful. I don't think this has to be a sad moment. Like obviously Mob thinks that Dimple's home is his house. He just asked him to stay away until he reverts to his smaller form, as in, he otherwise would've expected Dimple to stay with him. I appreciate the larger point that now Dimple feels unmoored, and deciding on a new purpose is existential. But I think Mob also has a larger point that he believes he can help moor Dimple. I think allowing yourself to wonder where to go next is so important. Dimple is where Mob was a few months back when he decided he wanted to join the body improvement club! He has a future, even if he can't see it very well.

Or, um.

I keep fucking crying while I'm writing this. I love the translation in the comic here. Dimple kneels before a prone Mob and, finger touching his forehead, says, "Listen well... I'm giving you orders for the first and last time. First, wake up. Stand up, Shigeo." Mob is still for a moment and then says, "...it's no use. I can't put any strength into my legs. I can't move my arms either." Dimple is very serious now as he relays, "Your body may complain, but still... stand up. Even if you cannot stand... you must stand." God damn it, god fucking dammit.

Sometimes it's not so easy to change. Your actions have consequences. Your history follows you. Dimple's desperate attempt to keep his old wants comes back to kill his new ones.

Dimple's final act is the same thing he always does, he manipulates Mob to protect him. And it is good and kind. Suddenly his reason for existence is paradoxical: he's going to have to die to fulfill it. Who exists to die? But that's not what it is. Because he's making a choice. He denies death, he says, no, you can swallow me whole, you can annihilate me, but even then you can't take my agency away from me. And I will use this final choice to protect someone I love.

Dimple was a friend.

[missfingers]

Uhmmmmm hunt wound and ghost for Dyheri (?) hope that is spelt right

thank you anon !!!!! lets GOOOOOO

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

its been so long that he isnt constantly on guard or anything. like in a literal sense dyheri is hypervigilant but its becauses hes a rogue and a thief so he Has to be alert to survive. but specifically the person whos hunting him is so far in the past and he believes he never even cared for him at all so dyheri would have no idea that his fathers even looking for him. the regret haunts him definitely, he wonders if he did the right thing running away, but then quickly will stamp the feeling out with resentment instead. meanwhile his dad khnorvir HAS been hunting him since the day he left hes just never found him to the point that he thought he was dead and began practicing necromancy

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

the two most obvious answers are the trauma from his childhood and while not a "wound" in the practical sense more like a gradual adjustment into disability his blindness. normal wounds are treated with the appropriate amount of lone practical care to keep him moving and hes pretty detached about them. his childhood however fundamentally changed how he views relationships - he was born to parents who didnt care fully for him and unintentionally or not taught him by sending him on rogue jobs with their associates that rhe only way to get affection was by doing service for other people and all love was conditional and temporary. so not only did that cause him to run away from his foster father out of abandonment issues, now long into adulthood he doesnt trust anyone and solely shows platonic affection through trying to awkwardly share his spoils with those he likes / doing tasks for them.

his blindness. he came from the underdark so already has sensitive eyesight attuned to pitch black + was born with albinism which made them even more sensitive so when he ran away from home and found his way to the surface he quickly learned to start covering his skin and eyes to prevent injury. but more than a century in sunlight with delicate eyes like his will worsen his eyesight no matter how resilient he was. hed probably have a lot of internalised ableism about it at first - fear, mainly, because hes afraid of relying on other people and believed losing his eyesight would disadvantage him and make him lose his independence and Have to depend on others. through surviving on his own throughout this change however he'd realise this isn't the case, he'd adapt his own ways to accommodate his new needs and additionally meet a faerie dragon named scrimp that would become his service familiar. by the time he's lost the majority of his eyesight he's made peace with it as much as any newly disabled person can - he still has spells of despair and frustration but on the whole he copes well and is now used to thinking even faster to keep ahead of those wanting to use it against him.

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

simple! his foster father kh'norvir. as ive said before dyheri had very uncaring birth parents but theyd hang around a tavern where a gloura bard played. he saw how badly mistreated the child was and through his charms managed to get the parents to pass custody under the guise of an apprenticeship and raised him as his own. dyheri though had already learnt that the love he was given was conditional so was convinced khnorvir would get sick of him and give him away like anyone else had. he acted out on purpose to make this happen quicker but it of course dient happen, so in his teen elf years he finally decided that if he ran away first then khnorvir wouldnt habe the opportunity to abandon him. so he did

on the whole hes successfully let his mind paint khnorvir as just as villainous as his parents and their colleagues over the decades so hes convinced himself he was right and doesnt miss him. he gets lonely so often because of his inability to let people in but he just resigns himself to believing this is how he has to live to survive in a cruel world

smile !

[omegasmileyface]

ok im gonna put this in a seperate post so hopefully i can keep getting responses but I THINK, from what ive seen, that

a lot of people's perception of tenma's narrative purpose is fixed around him being a father. as in he's there to represent a failed, or imperfect, or distant father figure for atom. perhaps to contrast with ochanomizu.

(now bear in mind what im about to say is based off the 50s/60s and 80s series since those are the ones tezuka was directly involved with, and ive never seen the 60s anime or the japanese dub of the 80s anime. i have, however, read all of the original and 80s manga that are translated in the omnibus collection, and seen all of the 80s english dub that's available on tubi)

i personally always got the vibe that tezuka's intention with him had very little to do with him being a father. i mean obviously he is a father, and that's very important to the relationship he has to the creation of atom, but i think that part of his character- and most of his character to begin with- is pretty contained within origin story territory. he's an inciting character. (i saw a response on that post which said much the same thing btw!) if anything his fatherhood is important with respect to tobio. he makes atom, and raises him, because he wants to be a good father to tobio by "keeping him alive" after he died from his gift. (who the fuck gives a car to an 8 year old.) when he was treating atom as a kid, he had no intention of making himself into atom's father so much as making atom into his son. which, like, while it's a shitty thing for a father to do, it is a perfectly valid relationship for a character to have with fatherhood. I would say that at this point he's a (bad) father character. but by the time he sells atom to the circus, he doesn't care anymore. when he notices that atom isn't growing, he doesn't try to make him grow (presumably he'd be able to do that, or at least try! he did design the kid after all.) like a demanding, idealistic father, he instead just kicks him out and calls him a robot freak. he does NOT see atom as his son, not by this point. atom was not, to him, a bad son he was trying to turn into a son, he was a not-son he was trying to turn into a son, and he didn't pass the test. now he's just a freak. hoshie's atached, but tenma doesn't give a shit anymore. the robot he made didn't do its job, which was to masquerade as his son. now, for a while atom does see tenma as his father who abandoned him, but by the time ochanomizu rescues him from the circus, he's over it. tenma was just a period of his life, much like hamegg, and now he's moving on to a new one where he gets to go to school and hang out with funny old men.

it's worth mentioning the (english dub of the) 80s series (from what ive heard the japanese version is a little different? but i havent seen it yet) in which tenma does the same deal of trying to fit atom into being the perfect son, but when atom gets stolen (he's not sold in this one!) tenma is seen, deeply distressed and at least a little sorry, looking for him. but then, even when atom becomes sort of a public figure, tenma is never seen again. and atom doesn't mention him again (unless he does in the finale atlas episodes?? i dont remember that but it could have happened and i cANT CHECK BC THEY TOOK IT OFF TUBI AND I HAVE YET TO GET IT SOMEWHERE ELSE sobbing.)

but back to the manga, the vast majority of astro boy comics don't even mention tenma. they take place after, and do not call back to, his period of pretending atom was tobio. there are only a few comics where tenma makes a return (the blue knight saga, the greatest robot on earth, and that one with the bunny come to mind) and he generally says nothing about atom that implies he thinks of him as a son. barely even as a creation, really, mostly just some kid he knows. he tends to show up wearing sunglasses, when asked where he's been claimed to have denounced the world, offer some help (repairs, upgrades, etc) to atom and then leave. he might spy on him too but enh when asked, in the greatest robot, whether he wants to stay and meet uran and ochan, he denies the offer, insisting he still doesn't want a settled, public presence. he disappears back into the ether. atom sometimes shows signs of having missed him and being excited to see him again, but accepting how brief it is and the life he has now, kind of like you might get excited to see an uncle you don't hear from for a few years at a time.

the exception is the blue knight saga, in which he's treated way more as a villain than as a neutral backstory/cameo character. he's approached as "the one man who could repair atom from this... doctor tenma." and then he like tortures a guy to force him to use his time travel ability for his own gain (he also kills his future self i think. classic tenma move) and also, the main thing here, tries to take atom back and make him do evil for him. it backfires, and evil atom doesnt give a shit about tenma any more than he gives a shit about any other human (did... did tenma forget he's human?), but tenma's goal was control. i don't know if id call this a fatherhood plot. his main intention was, rather than treating atom as a son, to have atom under his power. again, while shitty parenting, not an invalid relationship for a character to have with fatherhood (cough cough vlad masters cough), but iirc it's sort of unclear whether his intention is to be a shitty father or to be the owner of a weapon. maybe both.

(the blue knight depiction of tenma is almost certainly the main inspiration for his role in the 2003 series. it perfectly reflects the "king of robots" plot, and his intention via shadow of having control over that king. the 03 series takes this version of tenma, where he's literally evil and wants atom under his thumb, and spreads it out so it's present throughout the whole series, rather than just this one plot out of many, and then adds an emotional angle of his relationship with tobio's death, and thus fatherhood, for the sake of adding complexity to his character)

and i think the 03 series and the way it uses this as a constant is the reason so many people see tenma's role as that of a (bad) father. in the 03 series he has SO MUCH more presence, and he absolutely is a father in that series. if you asked 03 atom about tenma he'd be like "tenma! my father! he's always trying to take me back in as his son but he doesn't realize that things have changed since tobio..." or whatever and if you asked 50s he'd be like "oh, my creator? he tried to raise me like his son once but that didn't work out. i see him from time to time but he seems to be up to his own stuff now." he's like morally-grey hamegg. like skunk but with a single failed adoption plot. (here's the tldr) and since so many current astro boy fans like the 2003 show as their main media, i can see why this concept would permeate down to the base idea of tenma in general. i fucking love the 2003 show! and i love what they did with tenma's character. but i feel like it's important to note that, with the exception of the blue knight arc, he is a wildly different character in that reboot than osamu tezuka wrote him to be. i feel like it's important to keep tezuka's message in mind, which from my understanding was a lot more personal/familial in his original work than in later reboots, and was more regarding the wider everyday trials and tribulations of trying to get organic and artificial life to get along.

ps id also like to mention the relationship between tenma and ochan. ochan also doesnt really care about tenma in the original works, and really only knows him as "that crazy minister before me who spent the whole budget on this good boy and then left him to rot". tenma only knows ochan as the guy who replaced him. i feel like a:tb's influence may have helped tenma feel more important (this time with regards to ochanomizu) than he might really be

[thermodynamic-comedian]

papa saltarian headcanons.

(for context on this au, see this post. btw i'm gonna be using the tag "papa saltarian au" for posts about this lol.)

1. dynamic with the nameless ghouls

starting off, i don't think the ghouls would change, so i'm going into this headcanon with the era 4 ghouls in mind.

since saltarian isn't even vaguely related to the emeritus bloodline, he has some trouble trusting the ghouls, since they're not intrinsically tied to his presence and could leave or betray him at any time. this is why i feel like at first, he'd be a lot more formal with the ghouls than the other papas, not really interacting with them on stage, overall coming off as cold and distant. so the ghouls start to pull away a little, losing a lot of their stage antics and routines, and instead just stay at their respective spaces on the stage.

but suddenly, saltarian starts to warm up to them. no one can really figure out what changed his attitude (a lot of things contributed, but really, it was seeing swiss fall off the stage and still continue playing that sparked sudden respect for the ghouls in saltarian).

since then, a new dynamic has been developing between him and the ghouls: it starts out as saltarian making sure they're okay if something seems off with a specific ghoul.

then, slowly, they start developing their own routines:

during cirrus' keytar solo in mummy dust, saltarian starts gesturing for the crowd to cheer her on more.

for the backing vocals in moac, him and swiss do this thing where they hold each others' mics to each others' mouths, so the song pretty much becomes their duet.

sometimes aether sneaks up behind him and pretends to bite him in the neck. at first he just reluctantly let it happen, but eventually he started actively playing along with it ('because the fans love it' he reasoned to himself), stretching his neck out and rolling his eyes back dramatically, as if fainting.

2. stage presence

we've seen how being papa affects someone's personality. i mean, it transformed awkward shy little cardinal copia into papa emeritus iv.

but saltarian is a very serious man. so serious, in fact, that sister imperator eventually has to tell him that people just respond better to the natural flamboyance and energy of the emeritus bloodline compared to his excessive professionalism. luckily, he takes the hint.

his performances finally start developing into a new kind of show. his body language becomes much more dramatic, though unlike our dear copia, saltarian goes out of his way to move slowly on stage, as if trying to make every step resonate with the audience.

alright, now for some of his solo stage antics and routines:

saltarian's really good at addressing his audience, making them feel like every song is a direct message to them and them only. this obviously comes out the most when he's ciriceing someone.

once he gets fully comfortable with the audience, he starts talking in between songs. just little comments, thanking everyone for being there to hear the dark lord's message, that sort of stuff.

but at some point, after every performance of a seven inches of satanic panic song, he suddenly starts casually telling stories from era 0 of ghost. nobody really knows why he does it (they're convinced it's either just to embarrass nihil and imperator, or because he's genuinely reminicing about the good old days), but hey, free lore, am i right?-

remember what i said about him moving really slowly on stage on purpose? yea well sometimes he'll also make one or two really fast, sudden movements, just to try and stratle the audience.

3. costume??

papa saltarian probably wouldn't have proper papal make-up, since he's only acting as papa until the actual papa v is found, but i still think he'd wear a decent amount of eye-liner, if just to make his facial expressions more noticeable. also wears ghross (ghost cross) earrings, just because the symbol makes for some sickass earrings in my opinion.

now, for his actual outfit, well- currently i'm thinking he'd wear something relatively plain, but fancy. maybe like an almost gothic version of his regular black suit with some extra silk, maybe leather.

4. the music

all i'm gonna say is.

and that's about it.

[masterwords]

Washed Up and So Slow

Notes: I don't even know what this is. I have no real intention of continuing it, but I left the end purposely wide open, just in case. I suppose if there is interest, I will. It was never intended to be a romantic shippy story, and yet here we are. This is all over the place, covering the time from Foyet's attack to the year following Haley's death. The title is from Temple by Kings of Leon. (And now that this is out of my system, I will finish the last chapter of My Cup is Empty - you might get two fics in one day if I can get my booty in gear.)

Warnings: Depression, grief, injuries, medication, hospitals - it's fluffy but sad in places. Also, this is Hotchreid, I've tagged it below and it's here in case anyone is filtering content, I know a lot of people purposely avoid this ship and I get it.

Words: ~3900 (Why so long, you say? I don't know. I'm sorry.)

“How have you been?” Reid asked, bobbing his tea bag up and down in his mug. The steam swirled upward, just barely reaching his chin before it had dissipated entirely. He wanted to take a sip, to feel the scorching sweet liquid on his tongue, to relish in the way that somehow Hotch always seemed to put in the perfect amount of sugar for his taste. Hotch, toying with his oven mitt, squirmed under the scrutiny of those wide, intelligent eyes. He couldn't fool Reid, not now, not ever. He glanced at the window, open to let in the cool autumn breeze and watched the reflections from the street lights and cars passing by dance across the glass panes.

“Okay,” he replied, finally, settling on a word that would be ambiguous enough to be a half-truth and a sort-of lie, the place where he existed comfortably. Reid considered that answer for a moment, thought about pressing further but somehow he knew that it was better to let it be, to look for other ways in. He watched the way Hotch played with his hands while he waited for the oven to sound its alarm, let them know that their midnight batch of oatmeal raisin cookies for Jack's class was finished and they could relax. Hotch always played with his hands, but it looked different now, more mindful the way he pressed and rubbed around his knuckles when he thought no one was watching, the way he would hold one hand in the other and use his thumb to knead the other palm deeply, soothing the deep pain that never seemed to get better. Another thing he wouldn't ask about but would watch intently, knowing that the best way to care for Hotch was with quiet assurances, little smiles and careful glances. He'd learned those tricks from his teammates, because they always did the opposite, they always pressed in until the air was sucked out of Hotch's space. They would corner him, press him until he behaved like a caged animal and Reid would just watch and think if he were ever in such a position, he would do what they didn't do. He would let Hotch breathe, he would stay back just far enough not to be threatening or imposing, and instead of trying to force Hotch to open up, he would do the opening up instead. A simple act of faith.

It had worked. He'd tried it first after Foyet – late that first night in the hospital, he asked his nurse to pull some strings, to take him to the ICU to see his friend. She must have been sweet on him, or trusted that he was quiet, or maybe she just felt sorry for him – whatever the reason, she'd done it. She helped him into a wheelchair and silently wheeled him through the empty late night hallways of the hospital, her rubber soled shoes squeaking and echoing around them. Hotch was sleeping when they showed up, and the ICU nurse wasn't pleased at the imposition but as long as there was a promise of complete quiet she allowed it. The man was a terrible patient, he was grouchy and argumentative, he'd ripped out his IVs more than once trying to discharge himself only to find he couldn't even stand on his own. Anything that might make him settle down was worth trying in her book, even if it was only just to get him off of her floor. Reid's chair was pushed close to Hotch's bed, and he just sat and watched the rise and fall of his friend's chest for what felt like hours, lost in thought. When Hotch woke and found him there, neither of them spoke a word, Reid never asked him if he was okay or to talk about what happened and after that he became a fixture long after visiting hours were over. They kept it quiet, the team didn't know Reid had been down to see him at all, tried to protect him from it but he didn't need their protection, not from Hotch. It was a relief to Hotch not to have to do anything, say anything, be anything. He just lay somewhere between life and death, pain and numbness, grief and rage. When Hotch was moved to step-down, to his own space, they let Reid stay longer. The visits stopped after Reid was discharged, he had no way to get to the hospital, he couldn't drive and he wasn't well enough to ride the train yet so silence fell between them.

The visits began again when Hotch was released, when he was crawling out of his skin in his own apartment, when he couldn't get the team to back off and let him rest. He'd texted Reid one day, to check on him, knowing they were both alone at home while the team was working, and Reid invited him over – he still wasn't mobile but Hotch was, even if he shouldn't have been, it was a shot in the dark. He rode the train to Reid's place just before dinner the first time, and they sat and read books, pulling leather bound copies from all over Reid's endless shelves – sometimes Hotch hated what he read, other times he couldn't put it down and he would fall asleep with his nose in the spine of a book on Reid's couch.

The apartment remained silent, only the authors spoke. Hotch would sit on the sofa, Reid would be in his bed until he'd been cleared to be up and moving around. He'd surprised Hotch one night, hobbling out on his crutches to find the man curled around himself on the sofa in the dark, eyes not focused on any book but faraway, lost in the clutches of pain. Reid wondered how many evenings looked like this and he had no idea, blindly lying in his bedroom relishing the company of his friend from afar and with a sudden clarity he knew Hotch wasn't taking his pain meds before he came over, it hit him square in the chest. Hotch was avoiding them to keep his friend safe, wouldn't bring them with. Hotch didn't think Reid realized what he was doing, they'd never talked about his problem before, not aloud. It was his failure, as both a leader and a friend. He'd avoided taking them because he was finding his way to Reid's apartment so often and he was in pain too, if he couldn't use them then Hotch wouldn't either. It was well meaning but childish and over simplified in its application and Reid could see right through it.

“You should take your medication,” Reid said, standing over the back of the couch. Hotch grunted, tried to pull himself together, swipe at the tears that burned his angry eyes at being found out.

“It's okay,” he said, but Reid just swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head.

“Hotch,” he began, hobbling around to the front of the couch, taking a seat beside his now upright friend who was so desperate to appear fine. His breathing was ragged and sharp, a hiss in the deep dark of the room. “Please, you need to take them.” He was pleading then, watching the way Hotch hugged his arms tight against his midsection, putting pressure where it hurt the worst. Some of it Reid knew was more than physical pain, a deep, scorching wound that no medication could reach. Hotch couldn't believe he'd been found out, he was always careful to listen for Reid's voice coming closer, for the sound of the crutches so he could sit himself upright, flick on the lamp beside the sofa like he'd been reading the entire time. What Reid didn't say, what he only implied, was that it wouldn't hurt him to see Hotch take his medication, to know he had some relief. It wouldn't make him somehow relapse, desire them for himself. He didn't need Hotch's pain to save him from his addiction, he'd taken care of that on his own and found that his relief from the pain was simply sitting there, with Hotch, in his somber apartment, a quiet new kinship. It was selfish, but it was innocent.

Their nights had continued in much the same way for months, after the return to work it was less frequent but it had become a habit. After Haley's death, Reid found himself coming to Hotch's place instead – he had Jack now, he was a single father and he could no longer come and go as he pleased in the middle of the night. Reid would wait for the cover of dark, wait knowing that Jack was asleep in bed, and come by with his bag of books. Sometimes he would sit and read aloud while Hotch worked, sometimes they would read side by side, and sometimes they talked though that was rare. Reid would carefully select books from his shelves that did the talking for him, books that would reach into Hotch's muted grief and soothe him in ways no person could, and he thought he'd been so clever but Hotch knew. He knew and he didn't mind because it did help and he wasn't alone. Reid would disappear sometime in the night, careful never to wake Jack, to stir up questions Hotch wasn't prepared to answer.

Midnight tea was just what they did now. There was something new waking just beneath the surface, Reid could see it as he watched Hotch standing there in his kitchen, hovering over the oven waiting for those cookies. Some new layer of grief had been exposed and he opened his mouth to ask, pulling his tea bag up once more with some flare to watch the amber liquid drip back into the cup.

“Any plans for Jack's birthday?” he asked, knowing it was October, and that meant big things to both of them. He'd been meaning to breach the topic, to ask if Hotch wanted help with Halloween, the first without Haley who he knew had always taken the lead on holidays. The oven buzzed and Hotch ignored the question, opening the door to reveal a tray of perfectly shaped little cookies. His vision swam when the steam hit him in the face and without warning, he dropped to the floor, elbow crashing against the oven door just before his head hit the tile. Reid jumped out of his seat and rushed to his friend, careful to keep quiet, to not wake the sleeping boy at the end of the hallway. He pressed his fingers to Hotch's throat, listened for breaths, began counting the seconds until he saw Hotch's eyes flutter open, ready to dial 911 if needed. Thirty-four seconds before he saw his friend staring up at him, dazed. His head throbbed and he was acutely aware of Reid's soft fingers at the back of his neck, warm fingers cradling his head as he slipped his sweater beneath to soften where he lay. He didn't move his hand, kept it there warm against Hotch's skin, and Hotch blinked a few times focusing his eyes on the golden halo of curls swimming in his vision. His heart fluttered, beating irregularly, pulsing up into his throat just for a moment before settling again into its natural rhythm.

“Hotch?” Reid whispered, leaning in close, his sugary breath close enough that Hotch could feel its warmth on his cheek. He nodded, swallowing thickly.

“I'm okay,” he rasped, a crude whispering sound that rattled in his chest. “Sorry.” He struggled to get up, to prop himself up on his elbows and grunted in pain at the pressure on his left elbow, the intense throbbing in the back of his skull. Reid pressed him gently back down, shaking his head.

“Ten minutes,” he said, leaning over to examine Hotch's injured elbow, a bright angry bruise blooming where he'd hit the hot oven. "You need to lie down for ten minutes." He wondered at the speed of the bruise, the swelling that was already becoming visible and he narrowed his eyes. “Are you on blood thinners?” It hadn't occurred to him until just then, the injuries from Foyet and the way they'd used his prescriptions to track him, that his friend might have more going on than he'd previously considered.

The question caught Hotch off guard, but he couldn't find a reason to skirt the issue or lie. He nodded, blinking slowly, still dazed, disoriented. He heard Reid sigh and watched him stand up, heard him moving around the kitchen, tray of cookies hitting the stovetop with a soft clang, the oven door shutting and then the freezer opening and closing, he knew all the sounds without seeing any of it. Reid pressed a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel against Hotch's elbow, hoping to minimize the swelling and asked him enough questions that he was satisfied they wouldn't need to make any trips to the emergency room. He tried to remain as quiet as he could so they wouldn't wake Jack, and when the ten minutes was up Reid helped Hotch to his feet and over to the couch where they sat in a new, strained silence. Hotch wondered at how calm Reid was, at how he managed the situation without even flinching.

“Thank you,” Hotch said, finally, turning the frozen bag of peas over in his hand to press the cold side against his sore arm. He clenched his fist, fingers tingling and forced a smile. Reid returned the sentiment, nodding.

“You're welcome,” he replied, because he hated when people brushed off a thanks with a no problem or an of course, even if he was sometimes guilty of it. He wanted to ask what happened, if this was common, if they should go to the hospital but he sat on it, waited to see if Hotch would open up on his own before he had to violate the sanctity of the trust they'd built up over the last year.

“It's nothing,” Hotch offered, locking his eyes on Reid's for the first time since the fall. “It happens sometimes. I'll call my doctor in the morning if it'll make you feel better.” He wasn't sure why he'd said it, why he suddenly felt an obligation to Reid, but he did. He tossed the now soggy bag of peas to the floor and rubbed mindlessly at the painful lump on his elbow. Reid had nodded, he wanted Hotch to talk to his doctor, explained that falling while on blood thinners can be dangerous and Hotch knew that, he understood the risks and he was going to make a solid attempt to do what he needed to do but right now he was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open. Reid smiled, reminded Hotch that it was 2:30am, and it was good that he was tired. He pulled out his book, The Picture of Dorian Gray, a book he'd been reading aloud while he and Hotch sat through the night, something he'd started when Hotch was so overcome by his silent grief that he would fall into his bed and not move once Jack had gone to sleep, not make a sound except if Reid stopped. It had pulled him through the worst of the nights. And with all of the lights in the place still lit, Hotch let himself sink into the couch, his eyelids heavy. When Hotch was leaning against him, inadvertently at first but too tired to move, Reid didn't flinch, just smiled. He'd been craving that heavy weight against him in a way he hadn't realized until he was there, and he pulled Hotch's raggedy old blanket up over them both and began reading aloud, intent on staying awake as long as he could to make sure his friend was okay. He'd read this book twice before but he loved reading aloud because it forced him to slow down and savor it, his mouth didn't work as fast as his brain.

“My dear boy, you are really beginning to moralize. You will soon be going about like the converted, and the revivalist, warning people against all the sins of which you have grown tired. You are much too delightful to do that.... As for being poisoned by a book, there is no such thing as that. Art has no influence upon action. It annihilates the desire to act. It is superbly sterile. The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.”Reid's words were crisp, clean, he made an effort always to affect a sort of accent though it was just left of center, just goofy enough though he was being utterly serious that it would elicit a smile from the other man. Hotch wasn't entirely asleep, not yet, but he was rapidly losing himself in the way his muscles loosed their grip, unfurled like the sails of a great ship and pulled no longer at the frayed edges of his suffering and loneliness. Yes, it was nearly Jack's birthday, and yes he was being tossed about on the raging sea of grief as he stared down their first Halloween without Haley. Nevertheless, he found solace in Reid's arms, in his thoughtful presence, a fact that may have concerned him some time ago but he'd realized that Reid had, as all living things do, inexplicably grown up right alongside him. He'd only been fooling himself all these years into thinking he was some sort of protector, that Reid even needed that. Instead, he'd realized over the course of time, the roles were quite the opposite and Reid was protecting him. Whether from the world or from himself was a question for another time.

In the morning, as the sun reached her tendrils through the open window to greet them, Jack came bounding down the hall. He found his father and Reid on the couch, sleeping soundly, Reid's book still in his hand.

“Uncle Spencer?” Jack asked, tugging at Reid's sleeve. He blinked himself awake, glanced dazed around at his surroundings, not realizing he'd fallen asleep where he'd been sitting, his arms wrapped around Hotch like he was shielding him from something terrible. “What are you doing here?”

Reid looked down at Hotch, still sleeping sound and deep against him, and the corners of his lips turned up in a soft smile. “I came by to help your dad make cookies for your class,” he replied and Jack grinned, accepting the answer for what it was and got excited that he'd be bringing homemade cookies – he'd gone to bed sure his dad would forget to make them and aunt Jessica would have to pick some up from the store on her way to get him. “Why don't I make you some breakfast? Your dad's pretty tired, we should let him sleep.” Reid rubbed at his eyes and slipped out from beneath Hotch, tucking the blanket up around his shoulders before making his way to the kitchen to search the cupboards for something to feed the kid. He wasn't exactly in his element though he'd make do.

Hotch hadn't woken up, even after Reid and Jack banged around in the kitchen to find bowls and milk and cereal. He didn't wake until Jessica was coming through the door, a plastic container of store bought sugar cookies with neon orange frosting in her hand triumphantly, somehow knowing she would be saving the day. Jack giggled and showed her the cookies that his dad and Reid had made, cookies she knew right away – it was her father's recipe, Haley's favorite cookies. Roy had taught Hotch how to make them when Haley was pregnant, finally allowing his recipe to change hands but only because his daughter's cravings were too strong for him to keep up with. She blinked the tears from her eyes and smiled, setting the other cookies down on the table and glancing back at Hotch who was now sitting, rubbing his tired eyes on the couch. She thought he looked a little wrong, narrowed her eyes a little suspiciously at him.

“Guess you pulled it off,” she said softly, approaching the couch to inspect the situation. “Did you sleep on the couch again?”

Again, Reid thought sadly – how often did Hotch sleep there? He wouldn't allow his mind to wander there, just sat and ate his cereal beside Jack, each of them digging the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms and comparing them to see who got the better haul. He watched as Hotch and Jessica spoke quietly, the way she looked him over, inspected his now very swollen elbow, cared for him. The team always talked about Hotch like he was alone, a hermit that had no one, but as Reid watched the way Jessica sat beside him, scrutinizing every word he said about the night before, he realized it wasn't entirely true – he had her, this woman who by all rights should have hated him for everything he'd taken from her, and instead poured out her love all over he and Jack like they were her very own. She glanced back at Reid, then returned her attention to Hotch and Reid grew concerned, like they were talking about him now. Finally, she came back into the kitchen and announced to Jack that it was time to head out, and while Jack rushed off to put on his shoes and grab his bag, she thanked Reid for helping out and staying the night, told him she would make sure he talked to his doctor, that he'd be working from home today just to be safe, but that he would be okay. She sounded so sure of herself when she explained the way the cocktail of drugs he was taking made a mess of his blood pressure and they were constantly adjusting his dosage and he couldn't find it in him to question any of it. Reid got the distinct impression that this wasn't new for either of them, and he was suddenly stepping on toes where he hadn't intended so he stood and began preparing to make his getaway. He'd been fooling himself, thinking he could provide anything to Hotch that he didn't already have or would ever want, the butterflies fluttering inside his rib cage would be just a silly notion and nothing more.

“Thank you again,” Hotch said, walking Reid to the door while Jessica busied herself with Jack down the hall. Reid smiled and nodded, rocking back on his heels just a touch. He glanced down at his feet for a moment, and without overthinking it, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Hotch's lips. It was soft and quick, a surprise to both of them and he felt his cheeks flush with the shame of what he'd done, the line he'd crossed. Call it exhaustion, sleep deprivation or a sugar rush, he wasn't sure, but he couldn't bring himself to look at Hotch, just muttered something about getting to work and began to turn around. His mind raced, wondering how he could avoid Hotch the rest of the day, week, hell maybe he'd have to leave the BAU out of pure humiliation. It wasn't until Hotch reached out, grabbed his hand and pulled him close, that he was brought back to the moment. Though he made no move to return the kiss, to further it, he lifted Reid's chin with his other hand and smiled, their faces impossibly close.

“See you tonight?” he asked, and Reid thought his chest might burst wide open right there.

“Yeah,” he stammered, hardly able to breathe. “Yeah, sure. See you tonight.”

“You could come by earlier...have dinner with us, if you like,” Hotch said softly, still unbearably close, his voice hardly registering above a whisper over the force of the blood pounding in Reid's ears.

“I'd like that,” he replied, and swallowing his shame, he leaned forward, pressed another kiss to Hotch's lips because he was already in too deep to get out and it was all he could think about, all he wanted. Once he'd crossed that line he was a goner. Before he had to look Hotch in the eye again he rushed off, hugging his satchel close to him in his hurry. Hotch just stood in the doorway, frozen in place, until he felt Jessica beside him. She bumped him with her shoulder, grinning.

“Watch yourself,” she warned before moving out of the way to let Jack say goodbye to his dad. “I'll be back in an hour, you'd better be resting.”

[candlespages]

So, got around to finishing the first Season (ST : Discovery) yesterday for the first time ;) Here are a few thoughts:

-I knew Lorca was a right bastard! I knew he'd left Cornwell there on purpose, and his lack of emotion after Landry 1's death makes much more sense! I could feel that he'd done sth fishy when the coordinates were inputted from his chair, and the way he wanted to have everything be the same as in the Mirror Universe, and all... dude was obviously trying to get sth, to delay the Discovery's return, and it feels strange that nobody thought to call him out on it?

-I am ambivalent about the emperor, I expect we haven't seen the last of her, that's certain.

-Cornwell being ready to commit genocide stroke me as... human, I guess, not right, not correct or anything, but she rationalized it like a human would, is what I mean? (to be clear, I think it's a horrible, frankly frightening and disgusting decision, but I expcet part of it is because it would be so easy to become that person? so kudos to ST: Disco to make us aware and reflect upon our dark side)

-Sarek and the other admirals participating and advocating/agreeing with this decision is... WTF??? No! Wat?! so I get that some might agree with it, heck, probably some might have been advocating or planning sth like this for a while, but all of them? Sarek too? That I can't believe

-Amanda just there to be there atm 🙄 it feels like she's even more background than in TOS/ST: IV and since I'm sure she must also have had an influence on Michael growing up, it feels ... weird. Like she's not even IN the picture, not properly at any rate (i don't think I'm expressing my thoughts properly there ^^')

-Wondering about Main Universe Lorca, then, what happened? Is he dead? When did the other one arrive, etc., were he and Cornwell together together or were they just hooking up, or exes who do, ...?

-L'Rell, want to see more of her, even though her character arc left a strange aftertaste... It felt like she was more interesting before her captivity on the Discovery. BTW, I get leaving her on the Discovey for plot reasons but it doesn't really make sense for in-universe (for me at least). The way L'Rell unifies the Klingons feels a bit deus ex machina, too, where are the actual Klingon political games? They're an actual society! They have laws and customs, etc.... the way it is portrayed feels more like "ok, we need to have an end to the war in 5 minutes at the end of ep 15, people, any ideas?" than sth actually well build from the start? No shade being thrown here, just a feeling that it was weird to me... (also the Klingon's heads? Still not over that new design)

-Now, we come to the thing w/ Ash/Voq. It's... weird. And not sth I would expect from Klingons from all I've seen of them in the franchise. Sleeper agents? Feels a lot more Romulan than Klingon to me, them being all about honour and stuff. Though I guess there is also the angle of them being more a destructive force attacking everything and anything instead of being unified. So... Idk, it's strange. Also, I can't even imagine the trauma, and the pain, and everything Voq/Ash must be going through, and the "solution" was also a bit... expedient? Idk man, this whole thing felt weird, though. I am not sure whether Michael's feelings on the matter were properly adressed either? And why do those ships not have a therapist on board, JFC! I wouldn't have wanted more agony, it's simply that the season didn't leave much time to adress everything in that situation, and I wish it could have taken it. Anyhow, the whole situation was strange, and I wish they hadn't gone to that angle.

-They killed CULBER!! Those bastards killed CULBER!! You know sth is going to end up badly for one of the characters when you only start to get to know them with their partner being in a critical state. That kiss before the 133 jumps broke me, btw... not sure I said anything about it before (?) We started to discover more about Stamets too in the eps just before, and... to have Culber be killed that easily? let's just say I hope he's gonna do us a Harry Kim ^^' I don't want to have a heartbroken Stamets, poor bean doesn't deserve that

-Saru makes for a competent AC, and I hope he ends up on that Captain's chair.

-Good dev for Tilly, nice to see her coming into her own

-Michael's dev was... Idk, some of the things made sense (like her not being over her guilt for what happened to Georgiou, not that she's actually the one who started the war or was responsible for her death, or why she was still torn about her "betrayal" of her Captain), some of the things felt... forced. The "bond" between her and Lorca, for example, which wasn't sth I could feel before, and suddenly, he makes her believe things, and she or Saru should have called him out, but maybe we can put that on the stress she was under. Her meeting with the Emperor felt also slightly gratuitous, like she's there to bring a Georgiou back in the original universe, or sth. There was a lot of good, though, ngl. Her reinstatement is merited, though I'm not sure I'd have made her a Commander right away. I don't know what to think about her command style yet, because we haven't seen much of it. Her relationship with Sarek, with Ash, with Georgiou, with Saru, all of these are a mess (and not necessarily her fault, I mean the whole thing with Ash is a mess anyway, and not of her own making, poor bean), and she needs medical leave and therapy, at least therapy anyway. Though, that Nature VS Nurture thing we could see in the Mirror Universe when she was talking w/ Georgiou, yes! here for it!

Now, some general feedback on the series itself (keeping in mind that I've only seen the first season, here, so maybe some things will make sense later on)

-Why create a war with the Klingons, though? It makes sense as a way to create interest over the story, and to catch the attention of the potential audience, but still... I don't really like things added to the lore a posteriori, b/c it makes for chaotic in-universe history (and I need my history to be "linear")

-Starfleet tech feels inconsistent, even with TNG/DS9/VOY :

->holographic communication? a way to have a three-way call? we're in 2256! that's before Kirk's era, my guys! it's not supposed to be possible yet!

->a kind of "holodeck" simulation? it was presented as a "new thing" on the first TNG ep! (more than 100 years in the future)

->the lack of technical technobabble still bothers me. A "time-crystal"? ^^'

->Those jumps, they're going to have to explain them to me, in the context of TNG being outfitted with a brand new warp engine that enables them to go aroung to WARP 9.5 (forgot the exact number), jump tech being inexistant in SF in VOY, and also... just why create sth that they are going to have to destroy for it to make sense in the later in-universe history?

-Again, that new Klingon design *shudder*, even down to their clothes, and the Vulcan clothing seems dark for no reason

-Love all the little sound effects ref to TOS, and the data "solids" refs too ;)

-Loved the updated TOS theme song at the end ;)

-again, DISCOVERY theme song is great !

-The uniforms are great! Though we can't see who the red shirts are now xD

-love the ensemble cast, great characters! great dev atm, can't wait to see more!

-interesting Story Arc so far, even if I'm not a fan of everything! Want more of that episodical feel added to it, too, but can't wait to *discover* more (see what I did there? ;) )

-Asks some good questions and makes you reflect on some intersting things, but I would love to see more allegories and philosophy

-Again that thing with Sarek... just ... I see why you would do it, to make us more interested/invested in Michael, but she's actually interesting enough a character *without*, and it feels forced.

-Will probably start Season 2 next week ;) Because even though there are things I'm not happy about/not a fan of, I liked it a lot still, and the series offers a lot of possibilities for future storylines, and I'm here for it!

-Love the diversity! Could always be more, and expecting there shall be more! Hoping we get an alien captain too ;) (rooting for Saru to get that promotion!)

-Let them install a therapist on that ship, for Somebody's sake ! ^^'

In Conclusion, good series so far, want to see more!

[hussyknee]

I need to be staying off social media because my CPTSD is off the charts, but that leaves my ADHD to eat itself.

Really wish I could ask to be hospitalized for a spell. I usually would be by this point, but. Fucking covid. Sigh.

I think being in a hospital would also be a trigger though, because it was the only time my ex was attentive and caring. I mean, I definitely was at breaking point because the asshole treated me like a pack mule until I buckled both physically and mentally, but sometimes I wonder if I let myself get that sick on purpose just so I could be treated like I was worth anything. All the good memories of my marriage are tied up with being in hospital. And then his care and affection would make me feel grateful and guilty and eager to make up for troubling him so much, and go right back to killing myself trying to look after both of us, the house and our four dogs.

Even when it was a bad colitis flare that got me hospitalised, I'd come home from being two days on an IV to find the whole place like Armageddon, and he'd expect me to pick up right where I left off. And I never saw anything wrong with it, even though my friends wanted to kill him and bury the body.

It took not only leaving him, but being emotionally abused for leaving him, and a year more of being financially abused, exploited and manipulated even while living apart to put my foot down and demand my dues. Up until then I was ready to sign whatever he wanted and take the pittance he offered me for just five years "so I wouldn't be mooching off him forever" and let him run me ragged looking after the dogs even though they lived with him, not me. Even then it was only because of what his neglect and irresponsibility was doing to the dogs. If it was only me I would have just reconciled myself to the fact that I had never been worth anything in his eyes and fucked off.

Still coming to terms with the utter lack of care, respect and kindness I have been treated with all my life. I try to remember that it wasn't my fault that I'm surrounded by assholes, but I can't help wondering what about me was so unlovable and worthless. The only person who showed me unconditional love and kindness was my mother in law, and it all went to hell when she died a year and half ago. I was so exhausted and sick I could barely stay sitting up through her funeral, and all I could think of was that I didn't want to die the way she did - literally worked into the grave by her husband and sons as the price of loving them. Like me, everything she did was invisible until she fell ill from overwork, and then felt guilty for falling ill.

The epiphany at her funeral was the first time I wanted something for myself, even if it was only to live. I left her son two weeks later. I could tell everyone blamed me, and my in-laws cut me off completely after I put my foot down and the divorce turned acrimonious, including my sister-in-law who I loved and looked up to. I really thought she was in my corner. She didn't even answer the texts I sent wishing the children on their birthdays. I miss them a lot. I was too ill to be as much part of their lives as I wanted, but I wonder whether they ask why their auntie has disappeared.

And now I live in a house with the people I thought I had escaped forever. The loneliness feels like it's eating at my bones.

[acaciapines]

Hey! Did you know that some daemians in the community came up with the concept of "multidae"??? Multidae is a person with more than one daemon, could be only one more (two daemons total) or more! What do you think about the idea? And is there any character you would headcanon as multidae??????

i love it! i'm multidae myself (two daemons) and i think its a very good way to practice daemonism, if it suits you. finding my second daemon made me feel a lot more balanced, even if he mostly just lazes around.

however, when it comes to writing, i havent ever used it in a story. none of the stories ive told with daemons have been about multidae characters, and while i think it works well in real life, in fiction i prefer to stick with one human-one daemon, if only for audience comprehension purposes.

but thats not to say i wouldnt tell a story about it! for characters, i think jon from the magnus archives would work well as multidae. it'd be him and the daemon he was born with, and then after he becomes an avatar, in a world where his first daemon sticks around, i think he'd gain a second daemon--one based more on his avatar-side, because jon very much would push all the things he hates about himself into a second daemon, so he wouldn't have to see it as him.

i also think petra from ars paradoxica would be interesting to explore as multidae--specifically sylvia clearboot (i think thats her name? the petra that sticks with sally/anthony/jack/esther when petra prime goes all the way back to the start of things. also if you dont know what ars is this must be so confusing.) but i think having a version of petra who stayed with the original odar crew, and befriended them, and wants to help them do better and in the end doesnt help the rest of the petras could lead to another daemon popping up. this is one that could be taken multiple ways--does this version of petra try to cut away her original daemon, who maybe wants to go back to petra prime? do all three of them agree to just do their own thing? who knows!

in a similar vein maybe sally would ALSO be multidae. time travel shenanigans means oops! not only are you now in the 1940s, you have two daemons. goooooood luck! in this case i'd say the daemon sally had with her in the future would specifically have settled as an animal that hadn't been discovered yet for the years in the past the podcast takes place in, while her new daemon settles as an animal that goes extinct in the future. you can do something with that? no idea what, but something.

actually the more i think about this the more characters i come up with that might be interesting to make multidae. remember percy jackson? what if all the big three kids are now multidae (so percy, thalia, nico, bianca...think thats everyone oops if i left someone out) just as a way to further other them? they'd all be multidae from birth (and to make it funner they each get a different amount of daemons. percy would probably have two but what if nico has like, three?), and in this world being multidae would be, yknow, pretty much unheard of. give everyone another reason to treat them so differently. also this would make the conflict in those books a lot more interesting--maybe the gods want to make their kids 'normal' ie only one daemon, and so percy would have more of a reason to want to side against the gods? in this universe i dont think he would side with the gods and so then the conflict is a lot more complicated since there's no clear good or evil side but. theres a interesting story there.

i think thats all i have, but Oh Boy did this get my thinking about multidae stories. maybe one day i'll write one!

[proffessional-busboy]

There’s Always a Loophole

(Part 2)

Warnings - kinda sad and angsty

a/n - part 2 obv. um there is one scene that has a a lot of dialogue so the blue is ric and the green is Hope. but ya enjoy

(Part 1 Here)

Recap

"Any brilliant ideas because i think we're running out of time." you said, pointing to the black goo.

She looked at it and looked back at you. "Just one" she sighed. "But your gonna hate it." she paused for a second. "Kiss me".

So of course you obeyed. There was a lot of emotion in it. "I didnt hate that at all."

"Not that". she said, her hand snaking from your face to your neck. "This".

And she snapped your neck.

She looked down at your body as it fell to the floor. She took a second to think, and then called Alaric.

"Hope, did you find y/n?"

"Yeah"

"Okay, well tell me where you are"

"Fort Valley, Georgia. Y/N's gonna need you when i'm done. You have to write it down."

"Wait, youre at Triad Headquarters?"

"Yeah. Uh, dont worry though everyone here is dead."

"Okay, listen you're not making any sense. Just put y/n on the phone."

"I can't. Uh, she would have tried to stop me, so i had to kill her too."

"What?"

"She'll come back, don't worry. Even if i dont."

"Hope, tell me what the hell you're about to do right now before you do it."

"Clarke won. He found the final artifact, and he tossed it into the pit, which is y/n's father, by the way. And now Malivore's gonna rise unless i stop him."

"Stop him how"

"y/n's got all the answers but basically, Malivore was created by the blood of a werewolf, a witch, and a vampire. It used to be that only they could destroy what they created, but nature found a loophole. By making me. The tribrid. Im the loophole."

"Hope you listen to me. Now, this is a theory, okay, and you dont even know if this is gonna work so you just sit tight, and wait for me to get there."

"There's no time! Ive always thought that i was a cosmic mistake, someone who should never have been born. But after all this time, i mean, my purpose is finally clear. Think about it. Im the answer to all of this. I can remember things about Malivore that no one else can. That Triad weapon didnt affect me. Did my blood heal Josie?"

"I am not okay with this."

"I know. But you will be because once i toss myself into that pit, no one at school will remember me. Including you."

"Hope you listen to me."

"Ive spent years torturing myself, asking myself why my father sacrificed himself for me, to get to this point where, i mean i totally understand it. And i dont want you to have to go through that pain Dr. Saltzman. You've been through enough. And i dont want anyone at school to miss me, because they're my friends. Maybe i would've seen that sooner if i hadnt been beating myself up all this time.". She pauses, sighing, and thinking this through. "This is the point where you tell em that you wish i could change my mind even though im doing the right thing." she pauses again, eyes watering, tears threatening to spill over. "This is the part you tell me youre proud of me."

"You know im proud of you. You know it." Ric replies, voice breaking. "What is it you need me to do?"

"Call maintenance. Have em pack my room. Take my files, all those notes i know you keep about me, and burn them. Even y/n's journal."

"Listen, if you wanna erase yourself, thats on you, okay. But you cant ask me to do it too."

"Im sorry Dr. Saltzman." both of them have tears running down their face. "But i trust you more than i trust anyone. I wish i wouldve figured that out sooner, too.". She looked down at the pit as it roared, a faint shape of malivore's face tearing through. "I gotta go."

"Hope! Listen to me, wait."

"Not an option. Uh-uh. Promise your gonna do what i said." she waited for Ric to answer. "Promise me!"

"Alright, fine. I promise."

With that, Hope hung up. She deleted the call history of her and Ric. Walking towards the railing looking down at Malivore, she saw movement in the corner of her eye. She turned her head quickly as Clarke started stirring around, standing up quickly and snapping his neck back in place.

"Ooh, sorry. I was eavesdropping." he looked at hope. "What are you waiting for?"

"I assumed you were gonna try and stop me."

"Hell no. I was only trying to raise my father because im terrified of him, and i knew he'd find a way out someday." Clarke said, walking around the platform hovering the pit. "But if youre right about this loop hole-- can actually kill the bastard once and for all." he stopped. Standing by the lower part of the railing. "Be my guest. And if youre wrong, no harm done because you'll be dead. So go on. I'll be rooting for you." He smiled at Hope, who was now standing across from him.

"Thats not all you'll be doing." Hope said, raising her hands. "Imitantor Pupulus".

Clarke just smirked at her, thinking she failed. "Whatever you think you just did, it didnt wo-". He was cut off by his handing flying to cover his mouth, the same as Hope. She removed her hand from her mouth slowly, same as him. "How'd you do that? Why did i do that?"

"Its a basic mimic spell. We learned it in second grade." she started walking closer to him, making him walk closer to her. "Also in second grade..." she stopped. "Follow the leader"

"You dont have to do this" Clarke begged.

"I know. But its the only part im actually enjoying.". Hope put one foot on the bar and grabbed his throat, Clarke following her actions. "Too bad youre so clumsy". She put her other foot up and jumped off.

They both went over the edge, falling into the malivore pit.

Any memory of them now ceased to exist.

Just like them.

a/n - JUST LIKE THEM BITCH AAAHHHH. This is basically jus that whole scene but with Landons name and pro-nouns replaced w ur name and girl pro nouns so ya. BUT STILL TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK