#ive been spoiled a bit and uhm.

[thatoneluckybee]

The WHAT

[targaryenluvs]

VICTORS SPOILS

pairings: dark!finnick odair x fem!capitol!reader

warnings: obsession, following/stalking, creepy behaviour, naive/younger reader, age gap, (reader is 19 and finnick's around 25), non-con touching and kissing, manipulation, bj mentions/insinuations, sex mentions, prostitution mentions, finnick lowkey preying on you - descriptions of brown reader (i was self indulgent since i’m indian 😁) condescending/nit picking mother and pushy parents!

summary: a victor should be celebrated! a victor should get what ever they wish, even if it’s a sweet capitol girl who misplaced her kindness in someone who was in desperate need of reprieve and distraction.

a/n: ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!! HERES A GIFT FROM ME TO YOU ❤️GUESS WHO MADE HER OWN LITTLE HEADER GAHH!! i tried my bestttt - ive been away for a littleeee!! sorry babes <33 it was like 3am and i cooked this up in my head before opening my brewing pot (notes app) and jotting it down - NOT PROOFREAD

the hall was so loud.

they always were at capitol parties. your mother and father always dragged you along, stating that a young lady should be getting out, meeting people, friends, becoming well versed and established in the capitol. and that they wouldn’t always be here. “you need to learn to be alone, fend for yourself and stand your ground. how are you gonna do that if you’re always trying to keep to yourself dear?” your mother sweetly smiled as she looked over you, “i think you still have time to change that dress, not the most flattering sweetie.”

you scoffed as she walked away ever so elegantly. you looked over yourself in the mirror, the green dress was gorgeous, to you at least. but the blue dress your mother had chosen was breath-taking, as much as you hated to agree with her opinion. so you bit your tongue and put the chosen dress on.

mother knows best right?

the sun was setting with an especially beautiful array of colours to which you figured no one would really notice you were gone if they were all focused on something else. there was probably a screen upstairs which you could watch something on. a few things to eat and drink then you’d head up there.

finnick was glancing over to you the whole night. you’d worn blue, and he’d taken it as an ode to him. you hadn’t looked over at him yet but your leaving of the party seemed like an invitation to him to finally introduce himself.

as you settled down on the plush couch you felt all your tensions melt away. but finnick wouldn’t leave you alone for long. “i’m sorry i didn’t know this was occupied.” finnick looked sad and you had no clue why, so being as nice as you are had you opening the room in invitation to him. “no, no! i just wanted to get away from the party. you’re welcome to sit with me finnick.” it felt odd to you for some reason, calling him by his name as if he was a friend. you’d only ever seen him through screens and from afar yet he looked as amazing as always.

“are you sure?” you nodded and smiled, moving down the couch to make room for him. he sat down, respectful of your space. he looked drained and you felt the same way. “tired of the party?” you asked as he smiled and nodded, “a lot of people asking a lot of questions.” you spoke, “everyone has something to say or ask. my dad told me he got three men asking for my hand. we haven’t even been here for two hours. it’s like being in a room with vultures. and if i do accept i’ll just be, nothing. someone stuck to the side of some ugly guy who just wants a pretty face.” you didn’t know what it was about him but you felt as if you could tell him anything.

and he sat, and listened. nodding his head and adding it where appropriate. it felt, nice. having someone actually listen to what you said rather than just asking what you were wearing. he was nothing like what you expected. you’d heard the whispers. that he was a playboy, he was with and had been with multiple women and men over the years. and that he liked it, the gifts, the people, the uhm, other aspects.

“but you, i’m sure you have people to meet, scope out.” you wanted to curl up and die as soon as the words left your mouth. “no! oh my god, i do not mean it like that. you- i- you should not feel ashamed of what you like. i am so sorry- i didn’t mean to imply-” god would you stop droning on? finnick pressed his lips into a thin line, “hey it’s okay. you’re fine. in all honestly, i know everyone has mis-conceptions of me.” you took his place in attentive listening as he explained the truth.

the threats, the people pawing at him, him being sold from fourteen.

you were crying. it all sounded unbelievable and unbearable for someone to go through at such a young age, his life was ruined all because he was pretty, desirable. no child should even have to think of such things let alone experience them. and rather than you comforting him, he was sitting with his arms around you. he was too good to be true.

“i- no i’m so sorry that happened to you finnick. i had no clue, no one does. you are such an amazing person, from the little time i’ve known you. you don’t deserve any of this. how could you get away from this? we could- we could expose snow we could-” finnick cut you off with teary eyes, “there’s nothing we can do. trust me, if there was i would have tried. but i think, if i got married perhaps. i’d have a reason to stay away from the captiol. we’d live in district four, in peace.”

the idea was pretty decent, you’d give him that. and you couldn’t help your heart running a little faster at the prospect of potentially marrying him. you were already fast friends, at least you’d marry a friend? even if he potentially loved someone else or you loved another.

“what if- if you married me?”

he’d hoped you’d say that.

“you’d do that for me? seriously?” finnick faked shock as you nodded, “we’re friends, i’d much rather marry you than anyone else here to be honest. we could be happy.” you smiled as he wiped away his last tear. “y/n, that’s an amazing idea.”

your wedding was marvellous.

your parents pushed out buck after buck, no expense spared for their little girl. as if they actually cared for you. your wedding dress was white and pristine, courtesy of snow. your brown hair in curls and your brown skin glistening. but you added blue accents for finnick, or you thought you did. it’s not like he pushed for you to wear the things he bought by incessantly reminding the makeup artists and helpers that you were marrying the finnick odair, his wife deserved nothing but the best.

you stood infront of a friend, smiling, happy to be marrying a kind soul.

he stood in front of the object of his affection, his desire and love.

in the first few weeks you were undeniably happy, finnick was as sweet as ever and respected you. it was your best outcome. but overtime you seemed to notice changes in his behaviour. when you’d want to go out into town for dinner he’d always have an excuse up his sleeve.

“there’s roadworks towards your favourite restaurant honey. maybe another time?”

“apparently they’re all booked out, maybe in a few weeks time?”

“wouldn’t you rather have a home-cooked meal? i made your favourite sweetheart.”

it began to annoy after the sixth time. “it can’t always be busy can it? we use to go all the time, and it’s not like they’d refuse you finnick. what’s going on?”

“i give you everything you could ever want. why the hell do you want to go out so much? am i not enough? are you- are you seeing someone?” finnick slumped in his seat.

your eyes widened as you rushed over to him, settling on your knees as your hands were placed on his thighs, “finnick how could you say such a thing? i would never do that to you. i swear there’s nothing going on, i just, i’m bored. i’d like to go out with you, explore your district with you, meet new people with you.” finnicks eyes burnt into yours. this is certainly not how he first wanted to see you on your knees, but at least you were whining.

“yeah? you like me? you promise there’s nothing going on?” you nodded dumbly, “yes yes! nothing i promise.” finnick looked down at your hands in his lap, “how do i know you’re not lying?” your hands were on his knees as you straightened your back, coming closer to his eye level, “i promise finnick. you are my husband, i’m with you. i’ll do anything to prove it to you.”

finnick was fighting off every muscle in his cheeks to not start grinning whilst the sad look on his face was breaking your heart, “yeah? anything?” oh this was going to be good. your cheeks were flushed as you heard the words come of out his mouth, “undo my belt sweetheart, show me how much you mean it.” wavering hands hovered over his belt buckle as finnick relaxed into his seat, it couldn’t get better than this right?

wrong.

every time you asked to go out, to meet a friend, to go to the capitol he’d always sulk. and the night would end with you on your knees, him on his to make you forget, or the two of you tangled in sheets.

finnick was finally happy, he had the girl of his dreams after such a long period of sadness, of exploitation and terror. fake smiles and lingering eyes.

he finally got something out of the games.

and his gift?

the victors spoils.

[kindestegg]

What do you think of Collie going back to the sky. Because the way I see it, he's either all alone up there (probably not good for a young child) or he's gone back to living with the other collectors/archivists (which is probably also not good), Maybe he has found a guardian up there who aren't like his old siblings, an entire species of people can't all be bad, right?

hmmm... well first of all, i would like to say i personally never was a fan of the whole "collectors are emotionless assholes by default but our colly is ⁂⁕special⁕⁂ so hes different" like THATS SO STUPID!!! AND DEFEATS SO MUCH OF THE PURPOSE OF IT BEING IMPACTFUL HE CHOSE BY HIMSELF TO BE GOOD! i think the collector/archivist species is likely very very complicated and has a very rich history and hierarchy we just will never know abt in canon bc 1. theyre not the focus here and 2. well it kind of. ended. so.

BUT WELL. RIGHT! COLLYS FATE! SO UHM.

well. i have good n i have bad feelings about it.

ill start with the bad: i do wish we had seen more of him in the future timeskip, and that he had gotten a more permanent residence. i thiiink the archives are still intact around the titan skull (dont quote me on it though id need to look again), so, no reason why my future idea couldnt be canon with him living there n repurposing them. i think theres definitely a better solution than just sending him away, he couldve still had his little corner to learn stuff, just closer to the ppl he loves n that DO love him back.

HOWEVER.

heres where the good starts: i think it was actually a good idea for him to not become a noceda or a clawthorne. first of all because there was not enough of a bond between himself n those families to want to adopt him, specially there was a lot of trauma involved that cant be erased with how much he wishes to be good for them now. they still clearly care about each other, but theyre not family, maybe theyll never be, n thats fine. theres also another reason, but going into it would require... me being pretty bold about something thats been nagging on my brain ever since the episode aired, and actually talking about that might devolve into a bigger post in and of itself. i MAY make that post in the future and lose my fear of talking about, but im being cautious for now. all im gonna say about it atm is that if they had made him a noceda or a clawthorne, making him kings sibling, it wouldve made things... very awkward. and bad. so.

i think theres also a pretty fatalistic pessimistic way the fandom seems to be viewing this end: its never stated colly went back to the archivists at all, just "the stars", and its not even immediately after the finale events neither is it permanent- he had to have stayed around at least long enough to make that new portal door, and he visits frequently if king mentioning him being around to do something for luzs bday is any indication (not to mention that book lilith was holding that seemed to be about titans and collectors - i think colly mustve helped with info for that right).

me and the archive house server have actually been discussing this quite a bit, and we have reached the conclusion that the best way to describe this was that they "pulled a snufkin". collector is a space vagabond that travels around once in a while and then eventually always comes back to tell of their spoils to the people he still cares about most. and while that may not be satisfying to people who wanted him to be lovingly adopted into a welcoming family, i think its a good enough fate considering he might not even want a family out of the clawthornes, but rather just to be close to king.

and im sure maybe in the future he might decide to settle again at the isles for a more permanent residence. the future is in OUR hands now! we decide what to do with these characters and their future lives, and ive got a LOT of ideas.

[rosasstrangemelody]

uhm hello 🙂‍↕️

im fellow magnifico defender and ive been having a blast reading your blog!! your artworks are (wait for it) magnificent and your posts and reblogs always hit the mark for me 🤲🏻

so, if its not too much trouble, csn i ask what are your fav headcanons for Magnie? and if you ship him with someone, who would that be?

Hi! 👋🏼 I'm glad that someone else found some peace in my corner! Your caring really cheers me up!

Thanks for asking, I'd really love to share some headcanons about our cinnamon roll (I really like this nickname for him, it sounds delicious and creamy!)

So, where do I start...? Ah-ha!

I will start with the first one:

✧• His Zodiac. According to the behaviors I saw from him (and the similarities that exist between me and him), he has the zodiac of Aries (same about Melody) and his birthday is around the beginning of April (you consider the tenth) BUT, but his horoscope is Leo, what most of you guessed and it really reflects his personality. He has the awe and power of a lion.

✧• His originality. Magnifico is a kind of hybrid. His mother, Rosa, is Spanish, and his father, Arnold, is of Scandinavian origin (almost Norworigin). The fiery spirit—and the Viking in him—is just like his father's, as well as their appearance. While his mother is calmer, more compact (but she can also be more fiery than them!) And his father used to tell him stories about his ancestors and was very proud of his origins.

✧• This one is a bit trivial but I like it. His hair is actually a bit wavy-curly, just like his mother's. But because he uses a lot of magical softening solutions, its material has become smoother and silkier.

✧• Another trivial but obvious thing, he is a cat person. Even some of his behaviors are like one (and maybe because he can turn into a cat lately- thanks to Melody)

✧• Maybe someone else mentioned this one before, but I also like it and keep it in my favorites. He is a foodie guy with high metabolism, and he has a sweet tooth– It should be noted that caffeine and sweets do not have such a positive effect on him.

✧• While he has a slightly stubborn, arbitrary and defiant personality towards anyone who doesn't know him properly (which is due to his traumas in my opinion), he lets his guard down in front of the person/people who understand him well and sympathize with him. He opens the gates of his heart to that person in hopes of understanding his decisions and intentions more, but well, most of the time he just gets stabbed right in the heart because they get a wrong impression of him. That's why he is more careful and withdrawn than ever.

✧• What all of Magnifico's defenders and even others know now is that he has PDSD. It's not something new, but it's VERY IMPORTANT because it's a basic foundation in his personality and some special behaviors, that's why he is paranoid and cautious in making decisions. I thought he might have OCD, but I found these symptoms mostly in Melody (as well as DID for her)

✧• I think this big guy knows a little bit of ballet (I mean, look at his shoes and the bandages wrapped around his legs, aren't they familiar?) And this seems to have been taught to him by Amaya (because the ballet dancer at the beginning of the movie is Amaya) and it makes sense if we put these together. So I come to the conclusion that he has a very flexible body ✧.*

✧• In addition to the dignity and awe of a king with iron fists, he behaves more like a quirky princess in his solitude. He acts a bit dramatic and sings to himself songs with irrelevant rhymes– especially if he wants to vent his feelings (he is not a professional musician, so you should not expect a masterpiece from him)

✧• He's still a little kid who has a replica of his own kingdom and plays with his wooden citizens, but only when no one is around. This human is very fond of glittery things, you can find some in his clothes and cape.

I think that's enough for now because the rest will be written in my story - I don't want to spoil his whole character here.

And about shipping him with someone.. Yes, I ship him with my OC, Melody. (Maybe they have a ship name like Magnelody or something, It's easy and fluent to say it.)

Although, I know some people's interest was slightly dampened when I decided that Melody was no longer Magnifico's daughter and I completely changed the story when I started writing it, because I already had another story with a character with the same name and character, then I decided to link them together. The cups were swapped at the last moment!

There are also headcanons for both of them together, if you want, I can tell it in a separate post.

[namjoon-koya]

Can I please have Mirio, Shinsou, Kirishima, and Bakugo reacting to their crush working at a maid cafe? She would be surprised to see them but she genuinely enjoys her job and serves them, minus the gropers and cat callers but if they touch or harass a maid, they get tossed out immediately (This is a “look but don’t touch” establishment). She just never felt the need to bring it up but she enjoys the cute uniform, taking selfies with customers who ask/pay, and is very sweet to both staff and customers so she’s popular.

(A/N: SKSK I’m glad I got this request in)

Trigger warning: reader getting catcalled + harassed. Cuss words? Please don’t read if you’re sensitive to those things.

It was a cute cat cafe (this boi loves cats alright😤) so he just went inside to check it out.

What he didn’t expect was to see you.. in a maid outfit (yes now his heart was beating quick) he expected you to run off when you saw him, but you smiled at him.

“Shinsou! What are you doing here?” You asked him.

oH gOd he couldn’t tell you because of the cats! It’s his secret..

“J-just wanted to check this place out..” he mumbled.

“Oh! Well I’ll take you to your table.” You said as you lead him to a table that was empty.

You gave him a menu before leaving to serve another customer.

He tried focusing on the menu, but he couldn’t help but just stare at you. Usually people dreaded having jobs yet.. you seemed to enjoy it even when costumers asked to take pictures with you, you’d smile and say sure.

When you were done you were going to go back to Shinsou until you heard someone whistle at you.

Your jaw clenched together this was the only thing you hated about this job people harassing you and whistling at you like some kind of dog! There were times you wanted to yell at them, but you bit back your tongue and proceeded to move on.

Until.. the person decided to get up and grab your arm and yank you back towards them.

“Hey I called you don’t fucking walk away from me.”

Once Shinsou saw what happened he quickly rose to his feet ready to save you, but your manager quickly came out “hey asshole! This is a look but don’t touch establishment! Don’t put your filthy hands on them.” Your manger uses their quirk to make the person let go of you.

Once your freed from the person’s grasp Shinsou quickly pulls you over to him shielding you.

Your manager kicks the person out and you sigh in relief “sorry you had to see that shinsou..” you apologize. “Don’t apologize that asshole shouldnt do stuff like that especially to you Y/N.” You blushed.

“T-thank you..” you were going to say more until your friend told you that a customer was requesting you “I-ill be right back!”

You didn’t even have time to return to Shinsou as some costumers kept requesting you asking you if you were fine and even offered to buy you something, but you kept denying their requests.

Once you finally made it back to Shinsou he chuckled “Y/N you’re very popular you know.. I’m not suprised considering how sweet you are.”

Stupid Kirishima he was the one that was dragging Bakugou to a dumb cafe he didn’t even want to go! He wanted to stay in his room or at least go work out not go to some cafe.

Entering the cafe Bakugou’s mood didn’t change until Kirishima whispered to him “Dude! Look it’s Y/N!” Now THAT caught Bakugou’s attention.

He quickly snapped his attention to where you were and oH my gOd did his face become red from blushing.

You were wearing.. a MAID OUTFIT?! Why?!

You heard a commotion from the entrance and when you looked over you saw Bakugou and Kirishima you smiled walking over to them “I never expected you guys to come here! Especially you Bakugou!” You teased.

“S-shut up.. Kirishima made me come..”

“Hm.. well follow me I’ll take you to your table.” You said grabbing two menus and lead them to an empty table you gave them the menus before leaving as your manager had told you a costumer was requesting you.

Bakugou continued to watch you as you went table to table often talking to some costumes to even taking selfies with them.

“Aw are you making sure no one messes with them Bakugou?” Kirishima teased “shut up! I’m just.. wondering why they’re so popular! That’s all!” Kirishima laughed “you aren’t jealous right?” “M-me?!” Before Bakugou could make a comeback at Kirishima he saw you talking to a man.. he oddly looked suspicious.

Even Kirishima became quiet and continued to watch with concern he could tell you were become uncomfortable as your body was tensing up what the hell is he saying to you? Bakugou wondered.

That’s when it happened the man had groped you, you slapped his hand away and quickly stumbled back.

Bakugou was enraged and so was Kirishima (your his friend he doesn’t want anyone to do that type of stuff to you especially without your permission)

“What’s wrong didn’t you like-“ he couldn’t finish his sentence as Bakugou had rushed over and grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt.

“What the fuck are you doing! Fucking pervert don’t ever lay your hands on them again!” Bakugo shouts your manager had quickly rushed over to the commotion “this is a look but don’t touch establishment and I will not take you harassing my employees!” Thankfully your manager called the cops after the whole incident.

Bakugou was still upset at the whole incident he can’t believe that some people are like that! “Bakugou are you okay?” You asked.

He sighed “shouldn’t I be asking you that? The fucking pervert did that to you!” He shouts angrily.

“I know.. but thank you for helping me back there if you weren’t there to grab him quickly he might’ve just ran off.” Bakugou blushed.

“I-if it makes you feel better dumbass I’ll always visit you when you have work so you don’t have to worry about things like that..”

He’s going to drag Kaminari to go with him LMAO (doubt he would complain though)

Kaminari is the first person to see you and he’s like “look Kirishima it’s Y/N!!” Once Kirishima turns his attention to you he BLUSHES that it almost matches his hair color.

You’re in a maid outfit and he’s freaking out in the inside.

You’re beautiful just absolutely stunning well you’re always stunning.. KiRi being a soft boi.

You greet them happily “you work here Y/N?” Kaminari asked “yup! It’s a really cool job y’know! Here I’ll take you guys to a table.” You said as you started walking they followed right behind you.

Kaminari was mostly doing all the talking while Kirishima was more quiet he was never a really shy person yet he was acting shy right now which irritated him a bit.

Once they got seated you gave them a menu “I’ll give you guys a few minutes to look over things.” You said leaving.

Kirishima kept his gaze down at his menu as he read the list of foods and drinks that you guys had, but then he heard Kaminari laugh “what’s funny?” Kirishima asked.

“Y/N is really popular ive already seen her take 4 selfies with different people.”

Well.. Kirishima wouldn’t be suprised you’re extremely loving and sweet..

Once you were done you were going to go back to Kirishima and Kaminari until you heard someone catcall you.

It made your stomach turn, but you decided to ignore him that’s what you usually did and sometimes they’d understand or mutter something offense under their breath.

This guest wasn’t though they quickly shot up from their seat and grabbed you arm “what the fuck I give you a compliment and you decide to ignore it? Spoiled b-“

You saw Kaminari come from the side and pry the person’s hand off your arm then you felt someone pull you back you looked up and saw Kirishima glaring at them you’ve never seen him.. so protective of you.

“Listen dude I’ve never been to a maid cafe before, but I do know that it’s a look but don’t touch establishment.” Kaminari said angrily.

One of your co-workers told the manager what happened and kicked the guest out and told them “never come back again asshole!”

Kirishima still had his arms wrapped around you protectively “uhm.. kiri.. it’s okay now.” You said trying to soothe him.

“I-I know.. I just can’t believe someone would do that to you Y/N. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you fast enough.”

“You’re here though.. so I’m happy for that kiri.”

Oh boy he takes Tamaki and Nejire with him because the big 3 always gotta hang out with each other 😤

Once they’re inside Mirio is busy talking with Tamaki that he doesn’t even notice that you were there until Nejire was look “Mirio look it’s Y/N! Doesn’t she look beautiful?” He looks over and sees you.

I feel like he wouldn’t be blushing at all and he’s going to be bold about it and be like “heck yeah look at you sunshine!” (You’re going to be the one blushing)

You take them to a table and talk for them a bit before handing them some menus and leaving.

Nejire and Tamaki were the only ones looking down at the menu while Mirio kept looking at you, he noticed how a lot of people seemed so comfortable talk with you and at least 7 people took pictures with you!

“Y/N is really popular isn’t she Mirio?” Nejire said.

“Y-yes she is..”

“Mirio! Did I just hear you stutter? That’s new! Mirio you should ask Y/N out after this y’know a little birdie told me she isn’t dating anyone.”

Yeah Nejire is definitely is trying to set you two up she did the exact same thing with you when you kept staring at Mirio.

While you were taking someone else’s order you could tell their eyes kept lingering you and it was started to become uncomfortable.. usually guests would look down at their menu or even just take one glance at you before looking down again.

Once you were done you were about to leave until they grabbed your arm you kept yanking your arm back, but their grasp were too strong you were about to yell for your manager until you saw someone grab the person’s hand and yanked it away making the person let go of yours.

You looked up and saw Mirio.. he was always known to not be angry and make calm decisions, but you could tell how angry he was in his eyes.

Nejire came beside you checking your arm “Are you alright Y/N?” “Y-yeah I should go get my manager.” You said leaving.

Even Tamaki looked scary he was always shy and nervous yet even he was glaring at the man.

Once you told your manager they were pissed they stomped over to the man “Listen here! This is a only look but don’t touch establishment! You harassed my employee and now you’re banned from coming here again.” Once they had kicked the person out of the cafe you let out a relief sigh.

“Are you alright sunshine?” Mirio asked.

“Y-yeah.. that was just so sudden I didn’t even see that coming.. thank you for saving me back there.”

Mirio nods “I wouldn’t let someone hurt you like that sunshine especially when I’m around.”

[css1992]

Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII / Part VIII / Part IX / Part X /  Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

As it turned out, Tony did make great pancakes. Peter woke up the next day to the smell of them, and shyly headed in the general direction it was coming from, until he reached the kitchen. Tony was standing there, wearing impeccable gray dress pants, a crisp white shirt and a green tie, as he added batter to a frying pan. Peter supposed that was what heaven would look like when he died.

“Oh, hey, kitten, you’re up.” He grinned at him, who smiled in return, nodding. He had put his clothes from the night before back on, and he was glad he did, because Tony was dressed to the nines and it would have been awkward if he had shown up in just his boxers or something. “Sleep well?”

“I did, thanks.” And it was surprisingly true. Peter hadn’t had such a good night’s sleep in a while, he supposed he missed sleeping next to someone. He did share a bed with Beck for two years, so it felt awfully lonely to sleep by himself. “Are you headed to work?” He asked as he sat on a stool by the kitchen island and Tony nodded guiltily, fixing two plates of pancakes.

“I’m so sorry, I tried to make arrangements to get the morning off, but duty calls.” To his credit, he did look genuinely sorry, so Peter thought maybe it wasn’t just an excuse to get rid of him. Maybe.

“It’s okay, I have to be home soon, or my friends will worry.” Which wasn’t exactly true, but not exactly a lie either. They wouldn’t notice he was gone until lunchtime, since they both had work or class in the morning, but when they did notice, they would freak out.

“I thought you lived by yourself?” Tony sounded interested as he sat beside him by the kitchen counter and pushed a plate his way. Peter thanked him, taking a bite of the surprisingly good pancake.

“I do, but we live in the same building, so we’re always checking in on each other.” Tony hummed, nodding, and they were silent for a little while, until the older man spoke up again.

“Can I ask about your relatives?” He felt his eyes on him and knew that, much like the night before, he was testing the waters, making sure Peter was comfortable with that subject.

“Sure. I don’t have any, though. I’m an orphan, I’ve lived in foster homes for most of my life.” Peter didn’t really mind talking about that period – it was basically all he knew. He was too little when his parents died and was only ten when Ben and May passed away, so the foster homes were where he made most of his memories.

“Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that.” Tony winced, maybe thinking he had touched a sensitive subject after all, but Peter smiled and shrugged.

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago. My friends are like family to me now, so I’m good.”

“I’m glad you have them.” Again, he gave him that genuine smile that made Peter believe he was actually glad to hear that. Like he actually cared. “So… Can I see you again? Or was this just a one time thing?” The older man turned his body to face Peter, who froze for a second with the mug held to his lips, mid-sip.

“Oh, uhm…” Peter almost chocked on the coffee, not quite believing his ears. He honestly thought that the older man would slowly disappear from his life. Or maybe not even that slowly. Peter figured he had gotten what he wanted, so why would he stick around? “I mean, sure. If you want.” He said, like an idiot, and Tony raised a brow.

“I really do, but I don’t mean to pressure you, so if you want to say no and just go back to what we had, that’s okay. Or not even that, if you prefer. Just say the word and I’ll get out of your hair.” He sounded honest enough, but Peter quickly shook his head, eyes wide.

“No, it’s okay, I definitely wanna do this again.” He assured him, and Tony seemed satisfied with his answer, expression softening as he nodded.

After breakfast, the older man insisted on driving him home and when they arrived at his building, he felt a little awkward as to how to say goodbye, but Tony made it easier by simply leaning in and kissing him softly on the lips, one hand stroking his knee in a gentle caress.

“I’ll call you later, kitten.” He promised and Peter just sighed quietly, feeling dizzy.

He was a little out of it for the rest of the day, both Ned and MJ asked what was wrong with him in separate occasions, but he just said he was tired from his new routine. They had dinner together and when he went back to his apartment that night, he was just mildly surprised that he actually got a call from Tony. It was an innocent, sweet phone call, too. He did not expect that, to be honest, they had been sexting for two months and they had actual sex the previous night, so he kind of expected Tony to just go for it.

But no.

He asked about his day, about his friends, he told him about his own day, then somehow they ended up talking a little bit about Peter’s childhood, his parents, aunt May and Uncle Ben, it was just a really nice chat, which he appreciated. Not that he didn’t enjoy talking dirty to Tony, but the fact that he called just to have a normal conversation with no second intentions was, well. Nice.

He didn’t really know where they were going with that, probably nowhere, really, Peter was an ex-porn star, Tony was an A-list celebrity, a billionaire and a fucking Avenger, so there was literally zero chance they could evolve to something else. They would probably just go out a few more times, have mind-blowing awesome sex, and then go their separate ways. And Peter was okay with that.

It was fine. Really. It was just fine.

And it was for the best, otherwise how would he explain to Ned and MJ that he was dating Tony Fucking Stark? It would be a nightmare. MJ would kill him and lecture him on how big corporations like Stark Industries were destroying their way of life and Ned would pass out – and possibly die – so, yeah. It was a good thing they had no real future together.  

That didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy it while it lasted, though. Tony was really nice, a true gentleman, a good conversationalist, a great kisser and an amazing lay. So whatever he could get out of those moments they had together, he would. Everything was perfectly fine and under control. And did he mention fine?

The next morning, he woke up early and went for a jog around the block. He had been experimenting with different types of workout routines, but he thought he might stick with jogging and yoga for a while, he was even looking for a yoga studio close to his building so he could start training more seriously. When he got back, he took a long shower, made breakfast and spent a few hours answering people on Just4Fans, then posted a few pictures there, linked it to his twitter account and let people know on Instagram.

Tony texted him mid-morning and Peter blushed like a teenager when he read his message.

“Just saw the new pics, you look stunning as always, baby, but I have to admit I’m spoiled now, pictures are not enough. Can’t wait to see you again. Dinner tomorrow?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, sir, keep it coming.” He smiled to himself and bit his lower lip, excited by the prospect of seeing Tony again so soon. “Tomorrow sounds great, where are we going? Should I start stressing about the dress code?”

“I was thinking you could come over. Did I mention that I’m a great cook? Pancakes aren’t my only specialty.” Peter felt butterflies in his stomach. It was stupid, of course, but he just found it endearing that Tony wanted to cook for him.

“I’d love to. I’m curious about your cooking, your pancakes did taste fantastic.” Just the thought of that morning and, more importantly, the night before that, made his mind wander, as a quiet sigh left his lips.

“Prepare to be blown away.”

“You’re so humble, I love that about you.” The young man smiled to himself.

“Thank you, kitten, it’s one of my many qualities.” Peter laughed at his antics.

They settled on a time and Tony insisted on picking him up, even though it was obviously inconvenient since they were having dinner at his place, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so Peter gave in. They talked a little more, but soon Tony had to go back to work and now that the younger man knew exactly who he was, he imagined it was a lot of work.

He went on with his Saturday – in the afternoon, he took a few pictures and videos with different sets of lingerie he bought with MJ when they went to Victoria’s Secret, and that should be enough to last him at least a few days. At dinnertime, he went down to his friends’ apartment, as usual, and they were both home.

“What’s up, nerd,” MJ greeted from the couch, but didn’t raise her eyes from her phone.

“Hey, Pete, dinner is almost ready,” Ned called from the kitchen island.

“Want me to set the table?” He walked over to where Ned was fishing a plate out of the microwave.

“Sure.”

Peter knew his way around the kitchen, so he got to work, placing the plates and cutlery on the small, square table by the counter.

“Hey, are you up for a Star Trek marathon tomorrow night? I don’t have any classes next Monday morning, we can stay up late.”

“Oh, uhm. I –“ Fuck, he hadn’t really thought of an excuse for why he wouldn’t be having dinner with them. “I can’t, because…” He noticed that MJ had finally raised her eyes from her phone, only to stare at him suspiciously. “I have this thing, uhm, on my Just4Fans… Tomorrow night.”

“Can’t you just schedule the posts?” MJ asked from the couch, because of-fucking-course she knew about that.

“Uhm, yeah, I can, but – uhm. It’s a live stream. I’m live streaming tomorrow for the first time. It’s good for tips and stuff, so. Yeah. I’ve already let everybody know, I can’t cancel.” He gave them an apologetic smile, trying to look convincing, but he was pretty sure he just looked like a nervous wreck.

“Oh. Ok, then.” Ned shrugged and didn’t seem bothered at all, but MJ kept staring at him from the couch, like she could smell his bullshit from a mile away. She didn’t say anything, though, for which he was grateful.

The next morning, he woke up early and decided to skip his usual jog around the block and just did a short yoga session in his living room, warmed by the morning sun that flooded his apartment at that time. He had lunch with his friends and spent the afternoon with them, but left early with the excuse that he had to get ready for his “live stream”.

When the older man texted to say he was waiting outside, Peter was already showered and dressed and skipped downstairs two steps at a time. He didn’t know what he was supposed to wear to a billionaire’s house, but he decided casual was probably fine, so he put on a pair of light blue jeans and a light pink, thin sweater.

Tony was driving a low-profile, black SUV and he got out of the car when Peter stepped outside the building. He had a baseball cap and tinted glasses on, dark blue jeans, a Metallica t-shirt and sneakers, and if Peter didn’t know it was him, he would never have thought that was actually Tony Stark.

“Hey, gorgeous, looking good.” Tony didn’t think twice before reaching out to pull him closer by the hips, stealing a chaste kiss from his lips. Peter blushed and completely forgot he should be worried that Ned or MJ might see them if they came downstairs for something, or even if they looked out the living room window. He wrapped his arms around the older man’s neck and deepened the kiss.

“Thanks, but you should get your eyes checked.” He joked as he let go, taking a small step back.

“Yeah, I think so too, I think constantly staring at such beauty is taking a toll on my eyesight, I’m an old man, after all.” Tony pulled him by the chin and stole yet another kiss. When he pulled away,  Peter shook his head and laughed.

“Oh my God. Seriously, do you practice these lines in the mirror or something?” He had a feeling that if it was anyone else saying half the things Tony said to him daily, he would find it corny and possibly annoying, but somehow the older man made everything sound charming, sweet, sexy, endearing – hell, everything at once. And he always knew what to say to make Peter’s knees go weak, it was unnerving sometimes.

“No, you just inspire me daily, baby.” He gave him a charming smile, as he opened the door and gestured for Peter to get in the car.

The ride to Tony’s place was filled with the sound of the older man humming along to the music playing. Peter didn’t recognize any of the songs, it was a classic rock playlist, but then he heard a familiar beat and thought it was a great opportunity to stick his foot so deep inside his mouth he almost choked.

“I love Led Zeppelin!” He didn’t exactly love Led Zeppelin and he was quite sure he had just heard a cover of that song, not the original version, but he thought he’d sound cool if he said that. When he looked over, though, Tony was laughing his head off. Peter blushed a deep crimson, eyes widening as he realized he must have said something incredibly dumb.

“Oh, you’re not joking.” Finally seeming to realize that the younger man wasn’t laughing along with him, Tony turned down the volume, as they approached Stark Tower’s garage entrance. “That’s Back in Black by AC/DC, kitten. But hey, I love Zeppelin, too, who doesn’t?” He smiled warmly, looking at him sideways, and Peter nodded.

“Oh, right. Yeah. Of course.” Fuck his life. Of course he had to make a complete fool of himself right at the beginning of the night. He wanted to jump out the window from embarrassment, but it would only add to his humiliation, since Tony had already parked and got out of the car.

The older man opened the door for him and Peter avoided eyes contact, as he led him to the elevator. He could still feel his cheeks burning on the ride up, his head was starting to hurt from shame. Was that a thing?

“Hey, don’t be like this.” Tony pulled him into a loose hug, kissing his temple with a soft smile on his lips. “It was an honest mistake. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to identify whatever it is you kids listen to these days.”

It was oddly comforting to hear that. Even though he knew Tony wasn’t trying to be mean to him back in the car, it was hard not to feel attacked in situations like that. Beck always tried to make him feel dumb, inferior and juvenile whenever he got the chance.

So he rested his head on Tony’s shoulder and nodded slowly. He was going to say something like “don’t worry, I’m fine” but it got lost somewhere in the back of his throat when the older man held him a little tighter and stroked his hair.

The whole interaction lasted merely a few seconds, soon the elevator doors opened to the familiar sight of Tony’s living room, looking just as impeccable as it did a couple of nights earlier. The older man gestured for Peter to lead the way and he did, paying closer attention to the details, since he was a little too nervous to do it the last time he was there.

What he realized when he took a look around, was that the penthouse didn’t look lived in at all. It was all glass and metal, shiny floors and sophisticated furniture, black and gray decoration – it looked ready to be featured in one of those shows that listed the most beautiful houses in the world, but it didn’t look like a place he would like to go back to at the end of the day.

“You don’t spend a lot of time here, do you?” Peter asked, as Tony led them in the direction he remembered the kitchen and the dining room were.

“That obvious, huh?” The older man winced and Peter flushed, realizing he might have been a little rude in his observation. “But yeah, when I’m home, I spend most of my time down in the workshop.”

“Ah, the famous workshop. I suppose if I were to visit right now there would be pictures of me hanging on every wall?” He joked, remembering that Tony had once told him that he would hang his pictures in the workshop and never get any work done.

“I mean, not every wall…” He turned to him and winked, leaving the younger man a little unsure if he meant it or if he was just messing around. Sometimes it was hard to tell with the man’s sarcastic sense of humor. “I’ll give you a tour after dinner.” He promised, when they finally reached the dining room.

The table was set in a simple manner, for what Peter was glad, it made him feel more comfortable and at ease. Tony pulled out a chair for him then headed to the kitchen, which was separated from the dining room only by a long, wide counter, where the had breakfast the other day.

The man came back with wine, pouring two glasses for them, then he started placing the dishes on the table. There was mashed potatoes, grilled veggies and roast chicken, and the smell was to die for, Peter’s stomach rumbled and he wasn’t even that hungry.  

“Voilà. This was my favorite meal as a kid, my grandma used to make this for me all the time when I spent summers with her.” He took a seat across from Peter, looking at him expectantly. The younger man found his enthusiasm amusing, so he fixed a plate under Tony’s eager supervision. “Tell me what you think. But be nice, I haven’t cooked this in a while, it might be a little dry.”

Peter took a bite of the chicken first, and it took him a few moments to feel the explosion of flavors on his tongue. The meat was tender and juicy, cooked to perfection, and the seasoning tasted inexplicably like home – it didn’t taste like something he could order at a restaurant, let alone a frozen meal he could buy at the supermarket. He then tried the mashed potatoes along with the grilled veggies and almost cried.

“Tony, this is so good, have you considered dropping everything and starting a restaurant?” he gushed, taking another bite of the chicken only to confirm that, yes, that was probably what paradise tasted like.

“Don’t exaggerate. I already like you plenty, kitten, you don’t need to flatter my cooking skills.” Tony smiled, shaking his head lightly, and if Peter didn’t know any better, he might think he was blushing.

“I’m not, this is seriously the best homemade meal I’ve ever eaten,” he insisted and Tony cocked his head to the side, with a confused smile and a frown

“What the hell have they been feeding you, kid?” He asked and Peter chuckled.

“Well, I spent most of my life in foster care and I was never lucky enough to end up in a family that liked to cook.” The families he stayed with weren’t bad – not compared to some of the horror stories he heard from other foster kids he met in the past – they just weren’t good. They provided him with the bare minimum for survival, so water and enough food to avoid starvation. “And uncle Ben and aunt May, dude… They couldn’t cook for shit.” He laughed, remembering Aunt May’s date loaf, which was probably the worst thing he had ever tasted in his life.

“Well, now I feel obligated to feed you properly,” Tony announced, and Peter quickly shook his head, feeling his face grow red for the hundredth time that night.

“Oh, no, you don’t need to, I wasn’t–”

“I want to, if I’m your only source of good, homemade food, then I’m taking this seriously, kitten.” He pointed a fork at him as he spoke. “And you can help me cook, what do you say? That way I can teach you a thing or two so you won’t starve to death.” Again, the idea that Tony wanted to cook for him was too sweet. He was an incredibly busy guy who probably didn’t even cook for himself, but he was willing to waste that kind of time on Peter. It just–

“Sounds amazing.” He smiled, nodding, and the older man’s face softened when their eyes met.  

“Good.” He took a sip of wine and topped off both of their glasses. “Did you tell your friends you were coming here today?” That seemed like a polite way to ask if they knew about him, and Peter wasn’t sure what kind of answer he was expecting.

“No, they think I’m home.” He watched the man’s face, waiting for his reaction, but there was none, so Peter felt like he should explain himself further. “After my ex – they’re just a little too overprotective, so, you know. I just don’t want them to worry.” Tony raised his eyebrows and Peter’s eyes widened, realizing what that might have sounded like. “Not that I think you’re my – that we’re – I mean, I’m not assuming anything, I just meant –“

“Hey, it’s okay, I know what you mean.” He reached across the table to squeeze one of his shaking hands. “Your friends sound like good people, by the way. You’re lucky to have them.”

“Thanks.” Tony smoothly changed the subject and started talking about his summers with his grandmother and how she taught him everything he knew about cooking. He said that was the reason why his repertoire consisted only of comfort food and Peter thought that was the sweetest thing he had learned about him so far.

Once dinner was done with, Tony kept his promise and gave him a tour. The place looked like a labyrinth made of glass and steel, there were five floors, several rooms with various purposes, but everything seemed sterile and impersonal, like nobody ever stepped foot in any of those places, which somehow made them look lifeless and even a little scary – like a ghost town of sorts. Peter couldn’t help but think that his tiny, mostly empty apartment felt more like a home than all five floors of Tony’s.

Well, all except for one.

“And this is the workshop,” Tony declared with a flourish when the glass doors slid open, revealing a wide, open space filled with worktables, holographic screens, robots, cars, Iron Man suits, and so many other things he had never seen before in his life. “Sorry about the mess.” He didn’t sound sorry, though, he sounded happy and proud, and Peter thought it was the only place in the penthouse that felt weirdly cozy and homey. To his relief – and secret disappointment –, there were no pictures of him in lingerie hanging on the walls.

“This is amazing…” Peter breathed out, realizing that that was Tony’s actual home. There was even a kitchenette in a corner, and next to it there was a small, cozy couch in front of a reasonably sized TV and a fluffy rug. He supposed Tony took naps there, too, because there was also a blanket draped over the back of the couch.

He walked over there, followed closely by the older man, and took a seat, sinking into the soft pillows.  

“I think this is my favorite room.” He blinked up at Tony, who regarded him silently for a few moments, and Peter started to think he had fucked up again. “What?” He whispered, but his answer came in the form of a kiss. He immediately melted into it, all worries flying out the window as he opened his mouth to taste him better.

Tony pushed him gently until he was lying on the couch with his larger body on top of him, and he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t the best feeling in the world.

It was a tight fit, but they made it work, as pieces of clothes were thrown to a pile on the floor; as skin met skin and made the room feel unbearably hot; as hands explored and mouths danced together and teeth left secret claiming marks on eager necks; as he felt, once again, full and sate and whole, and then spent and lax and dazed in the best of ways.

Suddenly, what had been frantic and passionate became slow and soft, what had been loud and messy became quiet and wholesome.  

The room was silent then, as their bodies slowly cooled down. Tony was lying on his back on the couch and Peter was lying on top of him, chests flush together, breathing in and out in sync. He felt a blanket being draped over his shoulders and he all but melted into the body underneath him.

“Can I ask you a question?” He whispered quietly into Tony’s neck, after several minutes, not sure if the older man had fallen asleep, his breathing was slow and constant.

“Baby, you could ask me anything right now, there’s no way I’d say no to you.” He answered right away and Peter giggled, pushing himself up on Tony’s chest to look down at him.

“Why did you want to meet me? For real?” Tony, whose eyes had been closed until that moment, opened them to gaze at him. He was quiet for a while, as one of his hands found the small of Peter’s back under the blanket and started rubbing circles on his skin.

“I liked talking to you.” He answered quietly, eyes locked on his. At first, Peter thought that was all the answer he was getting, and he would have been fine with that, but Tony kept talking. “You made me feel alive again.” His heart raced and his breath hitched in shock. He blinked down at the older man, who raised his free hand to tuck some of Peter’s curls behind his ear. “You see, things were… rough. After Thanos.” He remembered the funny story Tony told him in the restaurant a few nights earlier and was surprised to see such grief in the man’s eyes. “I had these nightmares. Anxiety attacks. Couldn’t sleep most nights.”

Peter reached out and ran a finger across the man’s forehead, trying to smooth down the frown that had formed there. Tony smiled, grabbing that hand to give it a little kiss.

“Pepper wanted me to give up the suit for good, said it was killing me and she wouldn’t stand by and watch it happen. On top of that, my relationship with some of the Avengers was strained, to say the least. I thought retiring from the Avengers would be enough to solve most of my problems, but I was wrong and everything just kind of snowballed from there. So what I mean to say is that by the time I met you, I was… Fucking exhausted.”

“Tony...” He frowned, heart clenching, because he could hear the pain in the man’s voice and how much he meant every word and it was devastating.  

“I looked forward to talking to you every night, you know. Still do. I don’t why you got under my skin like that, but you did. So when I said I needed to meet you, I meant I needed to meet you.” He smiled and Peter’s heart skipped a beat. The whole confession was almost too much to handle, too much to believe. At the same time, he knew what Tony meant because he had also been in a very dark place when they met and, somehow, talking to him brought some light back into his life. “My turn?”

“Sure.” Peter smiled, entwining his fingers on Tony’s chest and resting his chin on top of them, looking at the older man’s face.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to answer, I have a feeling this might be a bit of a touchy subject for you.” He cautioned, and Peter gulped. He knew what was coming and he thought about not answering, but Tony had been honest with him, so he took a deep breath and nodded.

“O-okay.”

“How did you end up doing porn? Not that it’s bad or anything, you just sounded so uncomfortable the other night... Like you’re ashamed of it, or regretful.” Tony asked carefully, one of his hands was still rubbing soothing circles on the skin of his back.

“Hm… Well. It’s complicated. I guess the short answer is: I was young and dumb and my older boyfriend convinced me it was a good idea. Then he left me and took all the money and everything we’ve ever built with him and – and now the only thing I know how to do is porn, so… Yeah.” It was a very short version of what happened, but very accurate as well. Tony frowned, raising an eyebrow.

“What do you mean he took everything?”

“He told me to pack a bag and leave. Whatever I couldn’t fit in my bag stayed behind, as well as the social media accounts, the channel, the money… He locked me out of everything.” Peter’s voice grew weaker as he spoke, because he felt so fucking ashamed. Of everything. Of admitting he let a man like Quentin into his life, that he made so many terrible decisions just so he could stay with him, only to be treated like that in the end. It was fucking humiliating.

Tony sat up in a haste, forcing him to do the same, until they were both facing each other on the couch. The older man’s eyes were wide, he looked so shocked it was almost funny. Almost.

“Peter, that’s – why – wait, and what do you mean he convinced you to do porn? Is it not something that you want to do?” Peter dropped his gaze for a second, not really sure what the true answer to that question was. If he was honest with himself, most times he just avoided thinking too much about what he was doing.  

“Well… I don’t hate it anymore, I guess,” he settled on that, after a few minutes of silence. “Sometimes I even enjoy it now, like… Like when we talk,” he mumbled the last part, raising his eyes again to look into Tony’s warm ones, and the older man looked back at him with – what? Worry? Regret? Guilt?

“So you hated it? Before?” He insisted, and Peter knew he could still choose not to answer if he wanted to, Tony wouldn’t force it out of him, but still – Peter wanted to tell him. He wanted Tony to know.

To know him. All of him. Even the parts that hurt.

“I did.” He whispered, holding back the tears that filled his eyes when the confession left his lips, because that was something that he never wanted to acknowledge. It took all he had to hold Tony’s gaze and not look away in shame. “I just felt… kinda shitty sometimes. Like… I wasn’t even human, just an object to be used and abused and disposed of.” He continued, swallowing a lump in his throat. He couldn’t read Tony’s expression, but his eyes were gentle as always, there was no judgment there. “I didn’t feel like my body belonged to me anymore.” Saying that aloud came almost as a surprise to Peter himself. He always tried so hard not to think about those feelings he almost believed they didn’t really exist, even though they were always there at the back of his mind.

“Pete...” Tony cupped his face in both of his hands, he looked so torn, it almost made Peter regret telling him.

“I’m doing okay now, I promise. I’m in control of my body, my choices, my money. I’m fine now, really,” he vowed and Tony pulled his head closer and pressed their lips together – it wasn’t even a kiss, just a caress.

“I can help you.” He offered with determination, holding his face in his hands, looking straight into his eyes and they were burning with anger, but Peter knew it wasn’t directed to him. “I can help you get everything back, I can make his life a living hell for doing that to you, I can –“

“Please, don’t,” He winced, shaking his head firmly, lifting his hands to hold Tony’s wrists, feeling his pulse and how fast his heart was beating. “Okay? It’s in the past. It’s over now. I don’t want to – relive it, I just want to forget.” His heart raced when the older man closed his eyes and started shaking his head. “Tony?”

“Peter, you can’t ask me to –“

“I am asking you leave it alone.” He insisted, a little desperately, but Tony’s face was locked in a frown and panic started creeping up on him. He couldn’t bear to think about confronting Beck, having to see him again, maybe talk to him again, he just wanted to move on, to forget he ever existed. His eyes burned and he closed them, trying to get his breath under control, but he could feel his hands shaking. “Please, please, don’t make me –“

“Hey, no, no, no.” Tony gathered him in his arms, rubbing his shoulders in a soothing way. “I’m sorry, no, I would never force you to do anything, okay? It’s your choice.” He cupped his face in his hands again, peppering kisses on his cheeks and forehead. Peter started calming down slowly, and even laughed a little when the man’s beard tickled his nose. “You know that I see you, right? And I mean I see you, Peter Parker, not the persona in the videos or the pictures, and you sure seem pretty fucking human to me, kid. You know that, right?” Tony kept holding his head in between his hands, forcing Peter to look back at him, which wasn’t necessary, he couldn’t look away if he tried.

He smiled, nodding slowly, leaning in to kiss his lips. The older man lay back down, pulling him along, until they were back to their original position. He rested his head on Tony’s chest and closed his eyes, sighing in relief.

He felt Tony wrap his arms around his waist, holding him tight, and he thought to himself that if heaven looked like Tony making breakfast in the morning and tasted like his cooking in the evening, it certainly felt like holding him at night.

-x-

Tag list (please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the list):  @sadachmesarthim @iamnotparticularlyproud @staticwhispersinthedark @bluestarker

Sorry for the long chapter, guys, it really got away from me 🥴 Only four more chapters to goo ✨✨

[dorkicon]

Not to be basic with capital b but I do be curious,, would you give us your judgment on Megatron, be it overall or from your favorite continuity/media? //Eye emoji

if youre basic for sending this, then im double basic for having so many opinions on megatron :^) gonna do g1/idw/cyberverse for funsies

send me a character and i’ll list:

•favorite thing about them

g1- i dont think this man has ever had a thought that hasnt ended with "and then ill punch optimus prime in the face" hes so dedicated to being cartoonishly evil, i have nothing but love in my heart for him.

idw-jro said "do you want sad old man megatron" and i said yes sir!!! also honestly i really like his design. the first model kit i bought was idw megatron :^)

cyberverse- look, ive been trying to come up with something that isnt just "i like him because hes gay" but, well, i like him cause hes gay. dude has the energy of a divorced dad who still has his ex on speed dial. yes i do mean optimus.

•least favorite thing about them

g1- i-uh...well...he should be nicer to starscream.

idw- i think...early idw megatron is really at odds with mtmte megs character wise. like they went all out making him an absolute bastard (spotlight megatron comes to mind) and while i respect that from a story standpoint, i really have to like ...have two different megatrons in my mind when i read idw. the megs that deserves a second chance and the one from...the rest of the continuity. comic books are just like that sometimes i think.

cyberverse- ok yeah. he needs to be nicer to starscream. i think he softened up a bit near the end of the show in general, but hes SO brutal to starscream that first time he kills him it almost feels out of place in the show 😬

•favorite line

g1- "MY EQUILIBRIUM...DESTABILIZED...HHUGHG"

or uhm literally any banter fight with optimus prime "everything i touch is food for my hunger" etc etc

idw-when he hugs terminus...AAAH

-"What's happened?"

"Nothing. Everything. I've lost my way."

cyberverse- not a quote, really, but when he has a twitch stream of starscreams funeral bsbsvs jesus christ dude

•brOTP

g1- soundwave full stop. soundy is ride or die.

idw- soundwave :^) also rodimus! and ultra mags! and maybe optimus

cyberverse- i dont think he has friends. again, maybe optimus. sometimes he vents to soundwave but soundwave is blasting my chem in his headphones or something

•OTP

g1: if youve been on my blog for more than 2 seconds u know i really like g1 megop. megatron stares in the mirror every night practicing banter for their fights. he polishes his buckethead. megatron built clones of optimus prime on several occasions, and once, he didnt even do anything evil with it. he just made starscream punch it or something. why do you have a clone of op just laying around bud? huh? ok gayboy

also megatron/soundwave is good :^) and i wrote megatron/shockwave once...

idw: i dont ship idw megop all that much but, yaknow, its goin on the list

cyberverse- go on :^) guess ;^)

megatron and op got divorced but they kept the rings.

•nOTP

megastarrrr

also, for idw specifically: megatron/rodimus :^/ i do not like it...also megatron/rung, probably others, i unno

•random headcanon

g1- lazerbeak is his favorite cassette, and he likes to spoil her with energon goodies. soundwave is afraid hes gonna make lazerbeak a little chubby birdie :^(

idw- i think he knows a lot of folk songs from his time in the mines, but he doesnt really sing anymore.

cyberverse- i think after meeting megatron x and hetting his chrome butt handed to him on a silver platter, hes kinda over leading the decepticons, honestly. he seems tired.

•unpopular opinion

g1- i love him too much probably?

idw- i dont uhh ship him with anyone?

cyberverse- theres barely a cyberverse fandom. if anything, me liking him so much is an unpopular opinion.

song i associate with them

g1: theres nothing profound here, i just wrote a megop fic titled this once

idw: yeah ok i know what i just said about not shipping idw megop all that much but you tell me this isnt their dynamic. go on. i dare you

cyberverse:

*strangling myself* shut up about megop shut up about m

•favorite picture of them

g1-

ol buckethead summed up in one image

idw- sir thats my emotional support warlord

cyberverse- BUENAS DIAS MEGATRON (WACK)

[padfootagain]

Girl Crush (IV)

Chapter 4: Cyclamens For Farewells

 Here we go for a new chapter!!! I am still on fire!! I hope you like this new part, tell me what you think :)

No warnings except for a little bit of angst towards the end.

Word Count : 2791

"I reckon that this is an octopus."

"Or maybe a lion."

You gave Harry a pointed look.

"How can you see a lion where I see an octopus? The two are far from being the same."

"Everyone sees the world through a different scope."

"And Harry the philosopher is back with us, ladies and gents…"

He let out a bright wave of laughter.

"Have you finished that book I gave you, by the way?" he asked, turning his neck in what had to be a painful position to look at you, but he didn't seem to mind.

The grass was soft under your bodies, and above your heads the lazy clouds drifted as they changed shapes. The Californian sun was warm, but not burning your skin anymore. It was quite late in the afternoon, and soon twilight would turn the azure sky in pink and purple hues.

It was good to have Harry back in L.A. even if it wasn't going to last for very long. He had some scenes to film for his movie Dunkirk in the studios by Hollywood, allowing him to spend some time with you again.

Along the months that had passed, you reckoned that your friendship had only strengthened. It was normal for the two of you to call each other almost every day. And the more you spent time learning about Harry, the more you liked what you discovered.

He was goofy, and funny, and held kindness to everyone he met as naturally that it was for him to smile. Of course, sometimes he pissed you off, and he was cheeky, and he could be a pain the arse if he wanted to be, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to hold any grudge against him. At the end of the day, he was one of the nicest people you had met in your life.

"I'm almost done. Do you want it back?" you asked back.

"No, no, no… take your time. I just want to talk about it with you, 's all."

"Not yet! No spoilers!"

"I wouldn't dare. You scare me too much."

"I hope so."

You both let out a laugh, looking at the clouds again. Harry pointed at another one, round and fluffy and cotton-like.

"This one is a jellyfish," he decided.

"Agreed."

"What? No arguing?"

"No… no, that's a jellyfish, alright."

He chuckled, and once his laughter had faded, his smile remained on his lips, dimples planted on his cheeks. You caught yourself staring, and hurried to look up at the heavens again.

He had cut his hair short for the purpose of the period drama he was filming, and you were now accustomed to seeing him with such hairstyle. When you learnt that he had given his cut hair to a charity, you weren't even surprised. It was most definitely something Harry would do.

Your eyes drifted back towards him, as if you couldn't help it, as if they were a compass and he was North. You studied how some of his curls had fallen out of place and covered his forehead a little…

…and then you shook yourself and brought your attention back to the clouds above.

"I hadn't done that since I was a child," Harry admitted. "But it's still very nice."

"It's relaxing," you nodded, "I hadn't done that in an eternity either."

You let out the next words before you could think them through, but they were true, so you didn't mind.

"I've missed you a lot, it's good to have you back, Harry."

He reached for your hand across the grass, and brushed his fingers against yours, as if to show you that he was here, or perhaps to remind himself that you were real.

"I've missed you too, Y/N."

Another cloud drifted above you, and you smiled at the shape. You and Harry pointed at it in sync.

"It's a heart!"

You looked at each other, and exploded with laughter. And maybe it was a little hard for both of you to look at each other for a while.

"So… nothing new?" you asked Harry, trying to hide how much your voice was hesitant.

"Not so much."

"You've got to tell me more about the set and everything though…"

But Harry shook his head.

"Not now. We don't talk about my work now. But we can talk about yours! What about that promotion you were aiming at? Any news? You were supposed to get an answer this week, right?"

You gave him a bright grin.

"Yeah, I got it."

"You did?!" Harry sat up in a jolt.

"Yep! I did! I'm officially a florist, and not an assistant!"

"That's amazing! Congratulations!"

Before you could move, he was pulling you up into a bear hug, making you laugh.

"It deserves some champagne!" he went on.

"Relax, it's not that big of a deal…"

"Not that big of a deal?! Are you kidding me?! You've been working so hard to get this job! It's amazing! Come on, get up! We're going to celebrate!"

"Now?"

"Yes, now! Come on!"

"Where are we going?"

"Doesn't matter! We're going to get hammered! Come on!"

He grabbed your hand and pulled you up to your feet, making you laugh.

"I thought you were supposed to see your girlfriend tonight," you reminded him, and Harry took out his phone.

"You're absolutely right. I'll tell her I'll be a little late."

"Or she can come with us?" you offered, even if you secretly hoped she would say no.

Not that you hated her or anything… it was more selfish than that. If she came along, she would be all over Harry, and you hadn't seen your friend in three months… and if you didn't blame her for it, you just wanted to spend some time with him.

But Harry shook his head.

"She had something to do before dinner, so I'll just tell her I'll be late. It's alright."

"You sure?"

"Of course! We should ask some of your friends to join us!"

"Uhm… okay…"

He frowned hard.

"You don't seem so happy about my idea. Did I say something wrong?"

But you shook your head with a happy smile back on your lips.

"Of course not, it's very sweet. I'll call a couple of friends and ask them if they want to join us."

"Nice! I know a nice bar not too far from here."

"I'd… rather go somewhere more… quiet…"

"I know just the place! Come on!"

An hour later, you were eating pies at the beachwood café with Harry, your colleague Sandra and your friend Jasmine.

If Sandra had met Harry at the flower shop many times, Jasmine had only heard of your new friend. And as you had come to realize along the past few months that Harry's name was better known than what you had expected, you thought it wise to warn her before she would arrive. Which was why the following texts were exchanged before she arrived at the café.

 I've texted you the address of the café

 Yep, just saw it.

 Harry chose the place, it sounds nice.

 Harry… I see…

 Can you stop already? You're embarrassing me. We're friends, he's not single.

 Just saying that it's been a while since

you've been in anything serious and he

sounds like a nice guy.

 A nice guy in a relationship with someone else, yes.

 By the way, as you know more about music than I do… I should warn you about Harry. I think you might know him

 Really? What's his stage name.

                                                                           Harry Sytles. Rings any bell?

 WHAT?!

 ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

 WHAT?!?!

                                                                        …

                                                                        I take it that it does ring a bell,                                                                                then…

 You have about twenty minutes to get over it and calm the fuck down

 If this is a joke you will not be my

friend anymore.

                                                                        It's not a joke.

 Omg…

You had to give it to her that she was doing a great job at trying to stay calm. She seemed a little freaked out, but loosened up as the evening went by. Harry was his usual charming self, asking her questions about her work, and answering with silly anecdotes. And in the end, you were grateful for Harry's idea, you were having a lovely time.

She held back until Harry had to excuse himself to the bathroom and you were left alone with her and your colleague.

Her smile vanished and became an accusatory expression while she kicked your shin under the table.

"Ouch! What was that for?!" you complained, throwing a piece of breath at her in retaliation.

"Harry… fucking… Styles… Are you KIDDING ME?!"

"Shh!"

"How could you not tell me before that you were friends with Harry Styles?!"

"The occasion never arose for you to meet him, and quite frankly, I'm beginning to wish that it never had arisen at all."

"I can't believe it… the cute clumsy guy from the wedding was Harry Styles…"

"Don't talk about him like that," you frowned.

"Like what?"

"Like he's not a person."

"I'm not doing that. I'm just pointing out the fact that he's super famous! And hot!"

You rolled your eyes.

"Jasmine…"

"He's very nice, don't get me wrong!" she interrupted you. "But… that's hard to process."

"Well, you'd better process before he comes back!"

"He's a sweetheart, he would get it!"

"We're having a nice evening, Jas! Don't spoil it."

"Oh! Calm the fuck down!"

"Is everything alright?"

You both turned to Harry, who was standing by your table again. He was frowning hard, looking suspicious.

"Yeah, everything's fine," you beamed up at him, which made him only more suspicious.

"Okay… Why are you acting weird?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

He took his seat once more, but the cloud didn't vanish above the table so easily.

Indeed, it only grew darker as Harry's phone vibrated for the fifth time in ten minutes.

"You should call her," you advised, taking a sip of water.

"Who?" Jasmine questioned, even if she knew perfectly well who you were talking about.

"My girlfriend. She can wait though," Harry argued.

"You were supposed to see her tonight, she's right to be pissed."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"She came four times while I was shooting abroad, I haven't seen you in three months! You've just had a big promotion, and she's making a scene because we're spending time together, not because I'm late."

He heaved a frustrated sigh.

"She'll calm down. Or maybe she won't. Not my problem for the moment. For now, you've got to tell me more about this project Mary dragged you into… what kind of sculpture can you do with plants?"

He was dodging the issue, and you let him, answering his questions and letting him brighten the mood around the table once more. You didn't really want to spend your evening with him talking about his girlfriend. You felt like you were a bad friend because of it, being selfish, but somehow, it made you quite sad to think of Jessica. Maybe it was because, once he would be in her flat with her, he wouldn't have time to spend for you anymore.

You were awakened by your doorbell ringing. When you checked the hour on your clock, it was 1 am.

Who the hell could be at your door at 1 am?!

You dragged yourself out of bed, grabbing a magazine that you rolled to turn it into some kind of weapon.

"Who is it?" you asked through the door.

"It's Harry. Can you open the door?"

You recognized his voice and his accent in a second, and unlocked the door in a hurry.

He looked dishevelled, had a bag in his hand, and his eyes were red as if he had been crying.

He looked miserable.

"What's going on? What happened?" you questioned, moving out of the way to let him in.

He didn't move from the threshold though, looking at your pyjamas.

"I'm sorry, it's real late, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's 1 am."

"I'm sorry… I just… I didn't feel like being alone right now. You were asleep though."

"It's alright, come in, Harry. What's wrong?"

"I… huh… Jess and I broke up."

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'."

He finally walked inside your flat, dropped his bag by the door, and waited for you to guide him to the couch. It was strange for him to act so uncomfortable around your flat, he had been there dozens of times.

He had never knocked on your door in the middle of the night because he was heartbroken though.

"Sit down, I'm gonna make us some tea, yeah?" you told him with the kindest voice you could muster, and he nodded in agreement.

He seemed stunned more than anything else. You hurried back and forth in the kitchen to get the warm beverage ready, and soon reappeared in the living room with two hot mugs.

"Okay, tell me what happened," you asked, handing him a cup as you took a seat on the couch by his side.

He gave you a bitter smile.

"I don't really know why I act like I'm so upset about it, I reckon we both had it coming. It hasn't felt right for a while."

"Was it because of tonight? Because of our…"

"No, no, it wasn't because of that. It was just an excuse, really. It just… we drifted apart quite a lot these past few months."

"So… are these your things from her place?" you asked, nodding at the bag that rested by the front door.

Harry nodded.

"I… I didn't want to go back to my house. Didn't feel like staying there on my own. I'm sorry to bother you though."

"Don't be stupid, we're friends! That's what friends are here for."

"I told her I wanted to break up," he breathed out after a short silence. "She didn't exactly tried to hold me back and stop me from leaving."

You soothingly rubbed his shoulder, and he found your touch incredibly soothing, no matter how simple your gesture was.

"I don't really know why I'm so upset," he admitted. "I… I genuinely think that it's for the best, we weren't right for each other. I… I didn't… didn't love her enough, I think. Didn't make enough efforts for her…"

"You did buy an awful lot of flowers," you argued with a touch of humour that brough the ghost of a smile to his lips. "And you did try to see her as much as you could."

He shook his head, watching the smoke rise from his cup and vanish in the air.

"No, no I didn't. And I know it. If I really loved her, I would have made sure she would want me to stay. She didn't."

"Maybe you were just… not right for each other. It happens."

"Yeah…"

A tear rolled down his cheek.

"It's okay to be sad," you reassured him. "You've just broken up, even if you know you've made the right choice… it's still sad to say goodbye."

He nodded, sniffing this time.

You gave him a kind smile and opened your arms wide.

"A hug?"

He nodded, letting out a quiet sob, and he let himself fall into your embrace.

You kept him against you, wishing you could just make all his pain disappear right then, wishing there was more that you could do than to simply hold him while he cried. You didn't know how much better he felt now that he was holding you though.

The hug turned into watching a silly rom com on Netflix, but you kept on holding him against you.

He had stopped crying a while ago, and even smiled a couple of times throughout the movie. He didn't speak about Jessica again, and knowing his quiet nature, you reckoned that it was best to let him talk whenever he would be ready.

You reckoned he was good enough to try to make him laugh again.

"I did learn something about you out of this mess though," you said, making him peer up at you from his spot on your shoulder. "I knew you were a little spoon."

And it did make him laugh. After hearing him cry, you had never felt happier to hear this sound.

"I am a little spoon," he admitted.

"I knew it. I was absolutely certain of it."

"You're a big spoon, aren't you?"

You chuckled.

"I guess… I don't know, guess I don't have a preference. But… I don't mind being a big spoon for you."

You exchanged a smile, and he snuggled up against you once more to resume watching the film. A mischievous smile formed on your lips.

"That nickname's gonna stay though, little spoon."

***************************************************

@ponycake27​ @horsesreign​ @xinyourdreamsx​ @jbluevelvet​ @notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss​ @stuckupstucky​ @snek-shit​ @suchatinyinfinity​ @i-padfootblack-things  @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi​@jigsawlover10 @emyyjemyy @addictedtofictionalcharacters​ @staringmoony​

@madamrogers​ @cronias13​

[selfcareparker]

LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

[rainywritingsx]

Request: Can I get a bnha matchup please? ;u; I'm a transman, 165 cm, 20 and bi/pan with no gender preference. I'm usually quiet/reserved, monotone/boring when spoken to, but once a subject of interest is brought up, or when im with someone I'm comfy with, my personality does a 180 - I'm loud, sarcastic, and annoying. My sense of humor is all over the place lol Ive been told that I'm "old in spirit" bc I'm really mature when I need to be, even if most of the time I act like I'm 5 lmaoo

I'm pretty chill for the most part, idc what u do as long as it's not hurting anybodyhdjdh im also rlly stubborn but a huge pushover, dunno how that works. I'm both carefree and a worrywart (to both others and myself) and I typically hold my emotions in cause I don't wanna bother others. I try to help others 24/7, even if it affects me negatively. Uhh physically speaking im a lot stronger then look, and I own literally no nice clothes lol its all graphic Ts, cargo pants and hoodies for me

I'm a huge ass nerd when it comes to anything science related, especially paleontology + herpetology. I love all animals (no phobias) and I have 3 snakes whom I adore. I also like to draw and write occasionally. I have severe MDD and SAD, so even with meds I can have really bad depressive episodes and/or panic attacks. This is getting super long so I'll stop now fjfkh thank you !! Sorry if I repeated info I got a shit memory

Before I start, I personally have no experience with MDD or SAD, but I did look up both disorders and I hope that what I wrote about them is okay. If you’d like to correct me, please feel free to do so ^^ 

I’m sorry that this is so long lol, but I wanted to discuss as many things you noted as possible ^^ Hope you enjoy it!! ^^

Reminder that as of right now, requests are closed!

I ship you wiiiith

Hawks!

Your personality reminds me of a rainbow in a way? So, I feel like Hawks would never ever find a day boring with you! Since he has this whole thing of people calling him fast etc, I lowkey get the idea that that also applies to his personal relationships, so having someone with so many fun personality traits is perfect for him.

I think Hawks is mature in a way, just like you are. I mean, he started his own agency at 18 and a few years later he is the number 3 Hero, that definitely does something to you. So I think it’s nice to him that you are the same, while also remaining carefree most of the time. It makes his busy and serious life a bit more fun.

Your chill attitude is yet another thing Hawks loves, since he wants to be that way as well. Also, with his job, he most likely can’t always tell you everything about it for safety reasons. As for whether it’s hurting people… He can’t always promise you he won’t do that, but he will let you know it’s always with good intentions. Villains can’t always be defeated with just talking to them.

It kind of warms his heart when you are worried about him. I don’t think Hawks is really the type to fall in love easily, so if he had any relationships before meeting you they may not always have been genuine. While part of him likes it, he also doesn’t want you to worry. He always promises to come back, and it does make him a bit more careful when patrolling, because the last thing he wants to do is upset his wonderful boyfriend.

Now, when it comes to you keeping in your emotions, this is where it gets a bit difficult. I don’t know exactly how much time you two will be able to spend together, so he may not always be able to be there for you when you’re having a hard time. However, while Hawks appears to be chill, he’s also smart and analytic and notices when you are feeling down. He won’t force you to tell him what is wrong as he knows it’s hard for you, but he does reassure you that you’d never ever bother him and he will always listen to whatever you have to say. However, if it seems to go on for a long time, he might push you a bit more, simply because he knows keeping it in won’t do any good. But also here he can tell when it really gets too much, so if you still won’t tell him, he will be a little hurt, but definitely stop.

He thinks you’re the sweetest person ever, but he also worries about your well-being at times. If he sees you absolutely exhausted but still telling him everything is fine, he will just scoop you up and go somewhere so you can relax for a bit. Sorry not sorry :p

He thinks it’s kinda hot that you’re stronger than you may seem heh, like if you work out or just do something that requires strength and he sees it, he might make a flirty remark about it and appear chill but on the inside he lowkey panics because uhm what how is his boyfriend so attractive???? explain?

I don’t think Hawks cares that much about what you wear really, if you feel comfortable in it that’s all that matters. You could literally wear a potato sack and he will think you’re the most attractive person on the planet. He might even spoil you a little by buying you hoodies and other clothing which he knows you would love. And no, he won’t let you give it back, it’s yours.

I can’t really see Hawks being super interested in paleontology or herpetology, but he won’t mind you rambling about those things to him! While he might not always focus 100% on what you’re actually saying, he will study your face, smiling at how your eyes are lighting up and your lips are curled in a happy smile as you go on and on about it. If you catch him not listening to you, he will just make a remark related to your beauty, partly to see how you react and partly because he genuinely means it.

So you love animals? Bird boi is perfect for you, now he sees why you fell for him ;). He definitely likes birds, i don’t think he particularly adores any animals but I can see him strongly disliking some mammals like cats and dogs (I think these sometimes eat birds sooooo yeah..) He definitely thinks your snakes are pretty cool.

Hawks doesn’t seem like much of a reader, but he would definitely love to see your drawings! He thinks every single one of them is super awesome, and if you ever give one to him, he will definitely make sure it gets a special place in his house, a place where he can look at it easily whenever he misses you or just feels like it.

As for your MDD and SAD, at first Hawks will be clueless on how he can help you out. If you have a depressive episode that causes you to isolate yourself, he will definitely force you to go outside. It could be just walking to his place, or taking you on a nice flight at night over the city. Afterwards, he will bring you to your favourite restaurant or buy you food that he knows you love. You will also definitely be showered in lots of love and affection. If you’re uncomfortable with PDA however, he will only do it when you two are alone. He will also joke around and flirt with you just to see you smile, but if he sees it doesn’t help he will stop.

Same goes with your anxiety attacks, at first he’s completely lost on what to do. Hawks isn’t stupid of course, but he’s aware that every person is different. If he finds out about this before you have an attack, he will ask you what would help you in situations like that. However, if this happens without him knowing about it at all, he can recognise what’s happening and will do his best to get you to calm down first before talking about it with you. Hawks may not always seem like the most serious guy, but when it comes to you he’s dead serious and always careful. 

So, you’d be very lucky to have someone like him by your side :) Once Hawks is in a relationship, he will give his all. And any moment with him is definitely far from boring

[petersshirts]

Christmas at the Parkers’ | peter parker

Day 2 of Christmas Week

pairing: peter parker x reader

summary: when your parents have to work on Christmas, your boyfriend asks you to spend Christmas with him and his aunt

warnings: none just fluff

words: 1,5 k

A/N: Welcome to Day 2!! I’m so happy you enjoyed yesterdays fic with Bucky and today it’s Peters’ turn! I hope you like this and as always, feedback is appreciated! x

You knocked on the wooden door in front of you and moved back one step, your fingers fidgeting. You had been here a lot of times, but this time, it was a different occasion. You bit your lip and held your purse closer to you where you had put in all the presents for your boyfriend and his Aunt.

The door opened after a few seconds and in front of you stood your boyfriend, Peter, in a cute Christmas sweater and a big grin on his face. „Hi, Y/N!“ He pressed a kiss on the side of your lip and you blushed, even though you had been that intimidate a lot of times. „Hey, Pete.“ You grinned back at him, a happy feeling settling in your stomach. It was just your boyfriend that you had been together for two years now. But for the first time, you were celebrating Christmas together.

It had been a shock when your parents told you that they had to work on Christmas a week ago. They had to leave the city for four days and left you here, all on your own on the Day where everyone was surrounded by your loved ones.

When you told Peter that you would be all alone over the few days, he immediately asked Aunt May if you could come over and stay with them, and she said yes. Aunt May knew how much you meant to Peter and you were always there whenever Peter was feeling down. So she was actually pretty happy to have you over because more people over was always a nice thing, even though she couldn’t cook.

„Come in!“ Peter opened the door a bit wider to let you in. You followed his orders and slipped out of your Winter Boots, leaving them at the door. Under your coat that had protected you from the New York cold, you wear a long-sleeved maroon dress that had Peter staring.

„Uhm, you look very pretty,“ he mumbled and blushed, causing you to grin. „You know you don’t have to be shy around me anymore? We’ve been together for two years now.“ „Hm,“ Peter only mumbled and grabbed your purse from your shoulder, like a real gentleman.

The two of you walked into the living room that smelled of Gingerbread and Cinnamon. Aunt May was nowhere to be seen but you bet that she was somewhere around the apartment, finding the last few things for the evening. Peter had told you that she had planned everything out - tonight, you would have dinner, made by your favourite Thai just around the corner and have a nice Brunch tomorrow. It was a very comfy Christmas and you loved the idea of just staying in with your loved ones, drinking hot chocolate and listening to Christmas songs.

Christmas at Home was nothing like that. It always felt too fancy; you always had to dress in the prettiest dress and you would visit every relative that lived in a 100-mile radius of New York. You never settled down.

„Oh Y/N, there you are!“ Aunt May came rushing into the living room with her hair pulled up in a messy bun but she still managed to look stunning. She was wearing a Christmas Sweater just like Peter and you wished you had put on your Sweater that was full of penguins and was much comfier and warmer than the dress you were wearing right now.

„Hi Aunt May,“ May engulfed you in a hug and you hugged her back, feeling so welcomed and warm. She grinned at you and pinched Peters’ cheek, getting a whine out of him.

„Sit down kids, Food is almost ready.“ She winked at you and you could only laugh, knowing that her only job was to present the food on the table but that was completely fine for you. Peter and you sat down at the small table and your boyfriend softly squeezed your cheek and send you a small smile.

„I’m so happy you are here.“ Peters’ voice was quiet but you heard him very clearly. „I’m really happy too, thank you so much for inviting me.“ The two of you just stared at each other and grinned until Aunt May came in with the food.

The rest of the night was spent with you listening to Aunt May telling you stories about Peter and watching Christmas movies together. It was such a great feeling to be with your boyfriend and it didn’t feel like you were missing anything at home.

At midnight, Peter and you said good-night to Aunt May and you walked into the bathroom to change into your pyjamas. It was still a weird thing to know that Aunt May knew that you were sleeping in the same bed with Peter when she was just one room away. You had slept in a bed with Peter a lot of times, but May didn’t know about those times, just like she didn’t know that Peter was Spider-Man.

But you were not about to tell her neither of these things. When you walked into Peters’ room in your fluffy pyjamas, he was already in bed, scrolling on his phone but when he saw your shadow, he immediately turned the phone off and smiled at you, gesturing for you to come to him. You happily obliged and laid down next to your boyfriend, a happy sigh leaving your lips. Peter pulled you closer and left a soft kiss on your cheek, mumbling a „Good Night“ before the both of you drifted off to sleep.

The next morning you were awoken by a burning smell and Peter struggling to get free from your tight grasp. „Come on, Y/N, I gotta make sure that May is not burning the house down.“ You just groaned and turned away from him, not ready to wake up just yet. Peter stepped over you and left the room and you closed your eyes, trying to fall back asleep. But when you heard the rushed words from Peter and laughter from May, you started to wake up.

You smiled to yourself, realising that you were spending Christmas at the only place you wanted to be. Slowly you got up and made your way to the living room in your pyjamas because you knew that the other two would look the same. You found them in the kitchen in front of burnt Gingerbread. Gladly, nothing else was burnt - there had been other times where it had been way worse.

Together you cleaned up the kitchen and finally headed back to the living room to the Christmas Tree that had been beautifully decorated by May and Peter. Under there, there were a few presents and you could see a few packages that were addressed to you, causing you to grin. You had told Peter to not give you anything this year; inviting you over Christmas was enough.

„I’m sorry, I had to buy these things,“ Peter mumbled and blushed. You nudged his shoulder, knowing that he could not resist in giving you something special. „It’s fine, Peter. I actually got you something too.

„Come on kids, let’s unwrap those gifts!“ May interrupted your conversation and you could only nod, feeling embarrassed to showcase your gifts in front of her. May got you a wonderful dress that you couldn’t stop staring at - and you had to promise that you would wear it on your next date. Peter got you a few small thoughtful gifts - a mug with the two of you printed on the front and a bracelet with a little Spider charm. How could this boy get any cuter?

You were too shy to kiss Peter in front of May so you just hugged him close, mumbling an „I love you“ in his ear. Peter grinned from ear to ear, happy that you loved his gifts. He needed to spoil you even when you told him that he shouldn’t get you anything - you gave him so much every day, this was the least he could do. The rest of the day was spent in pyjamas and you had to be honest - Christmas had never felt so good. It felt like you were here with your real family, surrounded by laughter, games and cheesy Christmas movies.

That night when you laid next to Peter, your stomachs full of the food you had eaten at an Italian restaurant you mumbled into his ear: „You know that you mean the world to me, right? I’m so happy that I can spend this with you.“ You couldn’t see Peters’ smile in the dark, but you knew that it was there. „You mean so much to me. And it means so much to May and me that you came. We love you a lot, you know?“ „Oh right, so May loves me as much as you do?“ you teased him, knowing that he didn’t mean it like that.

„Hm, maybe I love you a bit more.“ And with that, he kissed you in the dark passionately, putting all his love in the kiss, showing how much he cared. Showing that he wanted to spend every Christmas with you.

Permanent Taglist and mutuals:

@smexylemony // @ive-got-more-wit // @lou-la-lou // @loxbbg // @seanna313 // @underoos-shield // @hollandfieldblurbs // @supernatural-strangerthings-1980 // @ixchel-9275 // @thejourneyneverendsx // @sideeffectsofyou // @teenwolfbitches2 // @mywinterwolf // @alex--awesome--22 // @wronglanemendes

@peterpumpkinparker // @peters-christmas // @twilightparker // @h-osterfield // @revengingbarnes // @moonkissedtom // @curlytoms // @holland-peters // @fratboievans // @spiderrrling // @buckysbeardliness

If you would like to be added to the list, please send me an ask!

[cromulentbookreview]

Silky Cinnamon

OR: Muse of Nightmares by Laini Taylor!

I'm not a winner. In fact I'm what is commonly referred to as a loser. I do not win things, even when it’s an award that I actually earned. Yeah I haven’t  forgotten how I never got that German Student of the Month award even though I had the highest grades in the class and they wouldn’t give it to me because I didn’t have “the right attitude” - it’s called autism, you ableist fucks...

Uhm.

Ahem. 

Not that I’m still angry or bitter or anything.  

Anyway.

An ARC of Strange the Dreamer was the first Goodreads giveaway I ever won. For the first time I was a winner and not a loser, so eat it, high school. It was also one of the first books I reviewed here on this blog that nobody reads. It keeps me entertained, though. I absolutely loved Strange the Dreamer. It was unlike any YA fantasy that I’d ever read, and the hero? The hero is a badass librarian. Because we librarians are total badasses. It's kind of fitting that I got to read Muse of Nightmares just after getting my MLIS (Master’s in Library and Information Science for those of you much cooler than I am). Lazlo Strange is some serious librarian career goals.

Muse, like its predecessor, is beautifully written, with the occasional annoyances that comes with pretty writing: some unnecessary sentences, overwrought metaphors, directly addressing the reader - that last one is more of a personal pet peeve than legitimate criticism, I can’t stand it when writers, while writing in third person, address the reader because I’d much rather pretend like I’m not there. I don’t mind it when this is done in first person narration because, well, the narrator is telling you the story. But in third person? Don’t acknowledge me like you know I’m here. Don’t break that fourth wall! Don’t look at me, don’t look at meee!!!

Ahem. Yes, again, that’s just a personal peeve that annoys me a bit at first but if I like the story I’m reading well enough I get over it pretty quick (as in it annoys me slightly the first time, but then I forget about until I have to mine for things to complain about to fill space in a review). Plus, I must emphasize that the copy of Muse I was allowed to read is a digital galley copy, not a finished one - the text might get some more revision before its October release, so some of the nitpicky complaints I have about sentence structure might not even matter. But complaining is fun, so I’ll do it anyway. After all, my official motto for all things, including this blog, is:

A funny thing I noticed throughout Muse as well as Strange is that nothing is ever soft - it’s silk. 100% pure silk. Nobody has smooth skin, it’s skin like silk. I don’t actually own anything made of real silk (what do I look like, royalty? I’ve got a library science degree), so I can’t really testify to the softness of the material, but my cat has really soft fur so I’m just going to imagine that all the silky soft things Taylor describes feel like my cat’s fur. Lots of slips and sheets made of cat fur, here. Another thing is that Sarai’s hair is never just brown, it’s cinnamon colored. She is always described as having cinnamon hair, which makes me worry that her hair will attract ants. Or somehow be rendered into snickerdoodle cookies. Now, I may not know what real silk feels like, but I do have a year-old tin of cinnamon sticks that I bought to make hot toddies back when I had pharyngitis so bad I couldn’t swallow (not a pleasant experience. Lots of drool involved. The hot toddies did not help). So Sarai has hair that is exactly this color: 

Speaking of cinnamon, anyone know if cinnamon sticks have an expiration date? Asking for a friend who has a year-old tin of cinnamon sticks that may or may not have pharyngitis germs all over them and now kind of wants a hot toddy...

Anyway, lots of silk, lots of cinnamon. Delicious, silky cinnamon. I really want a cinnamon latte right now. I could go and get one but it’d cost like, 5 bucks... 

Where was I?

Yes. This review. Unfortunately I am not really able to be all that eloquent about things I really, really like in a non-spoilery manner. I could gush about Muse of Nightmares all the livelong day, but in the process I’d give everything away and I don’t want to do that. Personally, I love spoilers, the more the better, but I don’t want to spoil this for anyone who, like me, has been waiting very patiently since early 2017 to learn the rest of Lazlo and Sarai’s story. I will say, though: the wait is worth it, it’s amazing, most all your questions are answered, and storylines are resolved. Taylor has stated that Strange the Dreamer and Muse of Nightmares would be a duology, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for a spinoff series. Apparently, Strange and Muse are a kind-of spinoff to Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone series, which I haven’t read yet, but now that I know that it’s related to Strange and Muse, I absolutely must read it now. 

But, to avoid spoilers, what can you really say more than “oh yeah, I liked that book a lot!” After that? Crickets. 

Hence, the nitpicking.

Also, Taylor gets bonus points for being a fellow Oregonian. Oregon writers for the win! I may not be a real writer, but I am definitely from Oregon! I loves me my local writers, and Oregon has a ton, especially Portland. We seem to have a lot of amazing YA and genre writers, too. (The world misses you, Ursula K. Le Guin).

A word of advice, though: you're going to want to reread Strange before Muse comes out - mostly because Muse picks up right where strange left off. Like literally right there. Taylor includes a lot of sly “as you may already know" tidbits in case you forgot anything but it will definitely be worth doing a reread as a refresher. Plus, Strange The Dreamer is great, why wouldn’t you want to reread it? I mean, people have unlimited time to just sit around and read, right? And audiobooks, those are a thing, too, right?

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone fond of YA, YA Fantasy, or both. Or just anyone who likes fantasy, seriously, I’d recommend Strange and Muse to all my genre fans out there.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone allergic to cinnamon, silk, or both.

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 5,000,000,000,000,001/5

RELEASE DATE: October 2, 2018

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SPINOFF/FURTHER BOOKS: Chhogori

[xadoheandterra]

Title: Don’t Write Me A Postscript Chapter: V (I / II / III / IV / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X / XI / XII / XIII) Fandom: Red vs Blue Characters: David Church | Agent Washington | Recovery One, Micheal Caboose | Agent California | Micheal-210, Church | Alpha Summary: He was all sorts fucked up and didn’t want to admit it. Being alone for fourteen months didn’t help matters--except, well, Church was tired of being alone. Tired of people leaving and dying--and he thought, no more. I’m done. I’m out.

Won’t Say You’re Sorry (I / II / III)

Do You Even Feel Compassion? (I / II)

There were a lot of things Agent Washington expected when he interacted with the Sim Troopers. A lack of fundamental understanding of how the army actually functioned, the realization that they weren’t actually in the middle of a civil war, or the knowledge that Freelancer’s where merely using them as training grounds. Wash didn’t anticipate running into a Sim Trooper like Caboose, who had team kills by the hundreds, who talked to vehicles as if they were alive, and who half the time made no sense at all until hours down the road.

Caboose actually reminded Wash a lot of Idaho. He missed the triplets. They used to talk and hang out a lot before he got bumped up to Alpha Squad—and before they went completely missing. Wash closed his eyes behind his helmet and rubbed at the back of his neck where his implants burned with psychosomatic pain. The real kicker though, after Kaikaina ‘Sister’ Grif and meeting the AWOL Captain of Red Team Sarge, was honestly Church. Wash eyed Caboose who stood in front of the base with his arms spread out wide.

“Fuck! I missed him!”

Wash watched as the bullets missed Caboose, sometimes by a hair, and yet the larger SPARTAN-esque Sim Trooper just stood there, happy. It defied logic and reason and Washington couldn’t understand it. Was there something in the water? He has to be hallucinating. That was the only thing that made sense.

Wash sucked in a breath. Breath, David, he’s a shit shot and you are fine.

“This is your friend?” Washington asked, and he felt a part of his throat tighten because what kind of friend fires live arounds at another?

Caboose lowered his arms and turned to look at Washington through his helmet and he sounded kind of exasperated as he said, “Yeah.”

“And he’s…shooting at you?” Washington asked, because he felt like he needed to clarify. Who thought shit like this was normal? Several more shots rang out, followed by ever increasing vitriolic curses, and Wash forced himself to breath. He counted back and muttered under his breath the exercises his therapist taught him.

Wash came back at the tail end of Caboose’s response.

“…something up about me killing him, but uh, that’s only the truth. Uh,” Caboose paused, then hastily corrected, “it’s a joke.”

I had to have misheard, Washington thought weakly.

“You can play along if you want!” Caboose chirped.

“That—that doesn’t—you did—you—killed him?” Wash squeaked.

Three more shots went off, and then Church actually popped his head up and shrieked at them and Washington wanted to bury his head and groan.

“Seriously! Get the fuck outta here!”

Maybe there was something in the water at Blood Gulch? Washington thought while Caboose yelled back—and then Church reached a pitch that went right through his brain and he rubbed at his implants again with a faint grown. Or maybe I’m hallucinating due to starvation or something. When was the last time I ate? That…ration bar? How long ago was that? Yesterday?

“What is wrong with you?!” Church shrieked again, and Washington decided he had enough. He stepped out from behind the rock, then quickly jumped back when a shot hit the dirt in front of him.

Wash raised his hands, sucked in a breath, and shouted, “Open the gate!” because fuck—he felt like he was in some weird film and his head hurt with forgotten memories.

“No can do!” Church shouted back down. At least, Wash noted weakly, he’d shouldered his weapon. “This here is a secure facility. No one in, no one out! So scram! Get! And don’t come back!”

Wash stared up at Church, then glanced over to the caution taped and marked off giant hole in the wall, and then back to Church. He wondered if he should even bother to deadpan a reply. They stared at one another for a moment longer, and Wash closed his eyes.

“You have a giant fucking hole in your oh so secure wall,” Washington said bluntly. “I could, of course, just walk in.”

A beat, a moment of silence, and then a loud groan and a growled response of, “Fine!” Washington waited for the door to grind open on damaged gears.

Caboose tore into the facility first. He practically bounced up to Church and squeezed him into a hug while Washington gingerly stepped along behind him. The place was an utter wreck. Vaguely Washington remembered pulling the files on Outpost 48—the two Sim Teams wiped one another out so completely that Command had issues in filling in replacements and repairs.

“Put—put me down! Caboose! Put me down dammit!”

Washington stared, watched as Church struggled in Caboose’s grip for a moment, and then sighed heavily. This was going to be a headache, he could already tell.

Thirty minutes of Caboose squeezing and chattering on about all that happened at Rats Nest and Church had, miraculously, guided them toward the decrepit kitchenette in the base. Somehow he got Caboose to sit still, and Caboose actually tore off his helmet when Church rummaged through the fridge—he grumbled something about how half the food was rotted and he’d need to put in a request again before he pulled out what looked like orange juice.

“Smell that for me buddy,” Church said and handed the cartoon to Caboose. “Let me know if it’s still good.”

Caboose cheerfully accepted the carton and twisted off the cap. He took a sniff and crinkled his nose before he tipped the carton back and began to drink. Church scrambled to grab the carton away and Wash watched it all with the fascination of a train wreck in progress.

“Goddammit moron don’t drink it! Fuck just tell me if it’s rancid—you’re going to make yourself sick you stupid—” Church wrestled the carton away and tossed it into the bin before he scrambled for a cup and quickly twisted the faucet for water. He shoved that at Caboose, along with what looked like some sort of pills, and quickly commanded the large man to drink.

“It was okay! Only a little bad!” Caboose said, but he drank as ordered and Washington felt like an outsider. “My stomach is lead-based. I’ll be fine, I think, won’t I Church?”

Church groaned and flopped down into another chair. Washington thought he mumbled something about how it was a miracle that Caboose wasn’t dead yet before he raised his helmeted head to look at Wash and somehow Washington could just tell the man was exasperated as much as he was happy.

“So,” Church said blandly. “A Freelancer Agent. Here.”

Washington blinked behind his mask. “Recovery Agent actually.”

“Even fucking better,” Church spat out and leaned his head back.

Washington wondered if he should just ask—the food was apparently rotted and as far as he could tell there was no one else in this decrepit, rundown base. He sucked in a breath and decided to just go for it. “Uhm, how—how long have you been here?”

Church rubbed at his helmet in the way one would rub at their hair and then glanced up at Wash tiredly. “What day is today?” Church questioned.

“Tuesday,” Washington said quickly.

“Fourteen months,” Church shot back just as quick and Washington wondered what the day had to do with calculating the length of time in High Ground. “To the day,” Church added, and Wash gaped.

“F—fourteen months? Alone? Here?”

“Yeah,” Church said tiredly. “Been great. Just…really fucking awesome.” Church glanced to Caboose. “Caboose, drink all of it.”

“Okay!”

Wash glanced to Caboose as well and watched the man tip back the glass and drank.

Church sucked in a breath and turned back to Wash and said blandly, “So, Recovery Agent, what the fuck are you doing here at High Ground?” After a second he added, “And how did you even know I was here?”

Caboose answered for him before he could—and he looked rather sheepish about it all too. Washington was reminded how Caboose explained that he snuck a look at the transfer papers and how Church hadn’t really wanted him to know.

“Oh that’s my fault,” Caboose said. “Agent Washingtub wanted people who dealt with Omega and you dealt with Omega the most and I knew where you were so I said I’d lead him here! And here we are!”

Church turned to Caboose. “Caboose,” he said, and the words were ground out with frustration. “It was supposed to be a secret.”

“But what if you were in trouble, Church?” Caboose whined. “What if I needed to rescue you?”

Church sighed again and turned back to Washington. “Does Command know you’re here?”

Washington blinked. “Not yet. I haven’t updated them to the situation. Which reminds me I should—”

“Wait, wait! Don’t call Command yet!” Church scrambled across to grab Washington’s hand like that would stop him from activating his radio. He listened, however, curious as to what the man wanted to say. “This is about Omega?”

Washington said slowly, “Yes, and no.”

Church scowled beneath his helmet. “That is not a fucking answer!”

Washington opened his mouth to respond when Caboose started speaking up again. “Church. Church.”

“Oh my god Caboose finish your water,” Church ground out—he didn’t even bother to look at the other soldier.

“But I did. I finished the water. But, uh, my tummy feels a bit weird?” There was a pause, before Caboose continued, “Uhm, yeah, I am going to be sick.”

Church groaned, held up a hand to stall Washington, and quickly started leading Caboose out of the kitchenette.

“This is why you don’t drink spoiled food, rookie!” Church snapped out while he walked away. Washington wondered how he was going to survive being surrounded by morons. Was this divine punishment? Washington wondered, for a long moment, if he really was suffering from some sort of fever dream brought on by hunger.

“Oh my god Caboose in the toilet! In the toilet!”

Wash dropped his head to the table and wished for simpler days.

They left Agent Washington for thirty minutes, and part of that was because fuck did Church miss this, and fuck did Caboose miss this too. After the mess in the bathroom Church helped Caboose out of his armor—minimal help needed, the man knew how to get his own armor off he just liked to get Church to help him. Church discarded his own armor, resolved to dump them off to get clean later because right now he just—

(his caboose)

(he came back)

—just wanted to rest. Caboose wanted to cuddle. They made the best of the mess and settled down onto Church’s rarely used bed, Church with his back to the fortified wall and Caboose half in his lap, face pressed to his lower stomach, arms wrapped tight around him in a hug. Church sighed and let it just be. Subconsciously his hands stroked through Caboose’s hair, and they rested there for a half hour.

(he came back)

When thirty minutes ticked over Church nudged at Caboose.

“Buddy I need to go and get our armor situated,” Church said.

“Dunwanna,” Caboose mumbled.

“I get that,” Church replied calmly, “but if I don’t dump them into the tub to get cleaned they’re going to smell like vomit forever.”

“I dun’like vomit,” Caboose mumbled again. “I’sucks.”

Church snorted. “Of course it does. Should’ve just did what I said rookie and not drank the damn thing.”

“Jus’a little.”

“Nope, we are not doing this,” Church nudged Caboose a bit harder. “Come on. You dragged a damn Freelancer agent into my base. We left him alone for thirty minutes, and our armor stinks.”

“S’nice,” Caboose mumbled. “’Ashingtub.”

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure he’s a real peach,” Church drawled, “but I don’t trust him.”

“’st’me?” Caboose shifted, tightened his grip. Church sighed, his fingers in Caboose’s dark-wheat-like hair, and they tightened slightly.

“Yeah, buddy,” Church mumbled. “Of course I do.”

For a second nothing happened, then Caboose sighed and shifted off of Church. He grabbed at the pillow and buried his face into it, and Church relaxed just a bit.

“’Ome back,” Caboose said, and he shifted to look at Church with one pale blue eye.

“Of course. Just gotta take care of shit,” Church said as he got up from the bed. “Just relax. I’ll get you some more water too. If you have to throw up, for the love of god make sure you get it in the bucket.”

“Kay.”

Church rubbed a hand over his face and resigned himself to having to clean up vomit if Caboose did have to throw up again. The man lived to try his patience sometimes. With a huff and purpose Church strode out of the room. He headed first to the bathroom, thankfully he couldn’t smell, and gathered up the soiled bits of armor.

This particular base had an automated system for cleaning armor. When Church first discovered it he’d stared and wondered why. At Blood Gulch if the armor got dirty they had to clean it themselves. This was higher tech than any Sim Outpost should rightly had. Not only did it clean the armor, but it helped removed unwanted smells that Church and Caboose and Tucker otherwise had to live with when they cleaned their armor themselves. Sure it took longer to work but the benefits outweighed anything. Plus, Church really didn’t want to clean up vomit off of power armor.

Once he’d dumped the armor into place, wiggled and finagled the power to actually get the machine to work, Church headed back to the kitchenette. Agent Washington was not there, and Church cursed loudly. Just fucking perfect. Now he had a Freelancer Agent, Recovery Agent or not, wandering around High Ground unattended. He didn’t like the itch he felt with that. He didn’t know Agent Washington.

(he should be dead)

(he is dead)

(who is this?)

He didn’t know this Agent Washington. Church felt something was off, something was wrong. He hissed a breath and turned on heel. He needed to find the Freelancer, and now.

[hunbomb]

schoolboy! jeno

wA$$UP GUYS SORRY IVE BEEN AWAY FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS LOL LETS JUST START

- aight 

- so

- you guys go to the same school but don't really know each other 

- actually, you never heard of jeno but he never heard of you so-

- but then

- during ultimate frisbee tryouts, you accidentally throw a frisbee at his face

- so y'all need to go to the nurses

- “oMFGS ARE YOU OKHJH”

- “ya,,,,,just a lil bloody”

- “a liTTLE BIT? YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING BUCKETS AND IM PRETTY SURE I SEE A BLACK EYE COMING ALONG”

- somehow u both made the team

- so like y'all became pretty close

- even tho u threw a frisbee at his face in your first encounter

- anyway

- so u guys become close right, like close enough to go to each others houses n shit

- cause u b struggling with homework and needs ya homeboi to help u

- n secretly he realized he liked u

- like one day, he just noticed u

- you know what I'm saying

- like, he saw your beauty for all its worth, and since then, he’s been totally in love w u

- its pretty obvious

- during practice n tournaments, he only passes to u

- and always compliments you-

- “niCCCCCE FLICKKKKK”

- “jeno thats like ur 9839893th time saying it to me, i think i get it”

-” bUt itS SoO gOOd!!!!!!”

- lol dis boi has no chill

- everyone on the team knows

- even you (he doesn't know that part tho)

- so they plan on getting u two together

- and so jaemin being jenos bff aside from u

- creates this masterplan on getting yall’s together by “accidentally” throwing a frisbee at jeno’s face 

- plan doesn't work though cause u just laugh at him while he n jaemin start chucking discs at each other

- plan b was to “accidentally” trip jeno and you would help him

- but nope, you didn't help him. you laughed at him

- literally after like 83983983 plans

- jaemin just told u that jeno liked you

- honestly he gave up

- but its ok tho cause you like him back

- so then jaemin spilled da beans to jeno who

- was!!!so!!!happy!!!!

- and now calls b wheeling

- bUT!!!!

- jeno gets the courage to ask you out

- its the most glorious thing you’ve ever seen

- just imagine jeno stuttering while holding roses and looking down at the ground 

- hOW COULD YOU SAY NO TO THAT SWEETIE PIE

- time skip 2 months

- y'all r now that couple

- like the one everyone wants

- but can't have

- like you guys walk to and from school together

- walk to your next classes together

- do everything together

- FIRST KISS OMGOMGOMGOMGOG

- ok so ofc its related to frisbee

- it was the city championships rite

- and y'all were, catch this:

- ONE POINT AWAY FROM WINNING (y'all were at your 14th point)

- and jeno wasn't on the same shift as u

- which made him sad

- but 

- you were in the end zone

- and the handler throws you the frisbee cause u made a really nice cut and deeked out your defender

- but the throw was too high

- so yOU JUMPED HELLA HIGH

- AND CAUGHT IT WIHT ONE HAND

- WHOOP WHOOP YO TEAM WON

- so then jeno like rushes onto the field

- and kisses u

- right there

- in front of everybody

- u didn't care tho

- caUS EJENO WAS KISSING YOU

- I REPEAT

- JENO WAS KISSING YOU

- goals

- yo storytime

- when u met

- HIS PARENTS

- okokokok so

- he invited you over one day (by the way YOU NEVER MET HIS PARENTS BEFORE FOR SOME REASON OK THEY WORKED LATE)

- and y'all were cuddling on the couch while playing mario kart or smth

- thEN aLL oF a suDDEn 

- his parents like barge into the house

- but freeze when they see you

- “,,,,,,jeno,,,,is this the girl you always talked about?”

- “mo-,,,,,ya”

- “uSE PROTECTION HONEY WE WILL JUST GO RUN SOME ERRANDS”

- “dAAAAAAD”

- lol how old r y'all again? like 17 lol

- anyway u and jeno like couldn't look at each other

- for a solid hour

- but its ok

- yOUR PARENTS THEN INVITE U TO HIS HOUSE 4 DINNER!!!!

- UHM YES OFC U AGREE

- the mom tries to be all overprotective

- but she soon realizes that ur an innocent lil rice bun that doesn't mean harm :(

- moving on

- jeno luvs u sm like kjskcdfhdcsxchfnsxjdms he is gonna go all out for u

- he spoils u to death

- and just

- uGHAHHHGSVSG

- appreciate him pls

AIGHT GUYS ITS DONE

IT IS LIKE A DATING AU BUT IDK ANYMORE B YE

HBDHCDJSDJHDJ SORRY ITS RUSHED AF I FELT BAD BAOUT NOT UPDATING

BYEEEE

[eatingsecrets-blog]

27.11 Hopeful?

I

I went to the supermarket today. I try to have a groceries list on my phone, so I'll actually buy food and not just toothpaste, soap or diet coke.

This time I struggled even though I had the groceries list. And over an avocado. It went like this:

"Okay, now avocado."

"Wow, why?"

"I'll make soup."

"Uhm, it's just fat. And it's ripe. Don't need it now, right? If you buy it, it will spoil."

"Omg. It clearly says angereift... I can eat it in a few days."

"It will make you fat ;]"

I took out my phone and saw it on my shopping list. If it wasn't there, that would have been the last excuse and I wouldn't have taken it. But I took it!!

II

I'm eating a lot. But also walking a lot. 9.63 km yesterday, 12.75 km today. My average for last week was 7.8 km per day.

I also can't sit at home or at the library all day. I walk all afternoon until it gets dark and I'll have to take the bus.

I'm also scared because I know I'll keep losing weight. My mum even said I should eat bread (she's always been telling me "Cut the bread.")

But at the same time I want to lose some weight.

III

I'm not over counting my calories anymore. I keep everything clean: 1) Intake - 2) BMR - 3) Walking.

By the end of the week I calculate the average.

IV

Before going to the supermarket two of my uni fellows walked a bit with me, we spoke about the test, and then they went to eat kebabs.

I felt really anxious the whole time. They asked me where I was going. I said "to have a walk".

They even saw me as I was going back (I knew that would happen, so even before passing by I tried to calm myself down - "Just walk with that woman and no one will see you"). But they were just leaving the fast food. I waved.

T said he was going home after eating. I really hope he didn't follow me to the bus stop. Because I didn't take the bus.

I wanted to scream so badly.

27.11.18, 09:43 PM