#ive been sleeping most of the day and each time i wake up im like god i want to play viddy game

[claggorstuff]

Just found your blog and I love it so far! Can you write Claggor x fem reader where reader is having trouble falling asleep and Claggor holds her and comforts her?

I'll leave it open ended for ya beyond that. Stoked to see another Claggor fan ❤️❤️

Oh my god ive been so behind on tumblr reqs, sorry to keep u waiting!!!! I can do this most def !! I feel like titling this fic.

A Good nights sleep...

Claggor x maybe insomniac reader

I sat in bed, rolling and squirming, unable to sleep, the day was horrible, nightmares plagued me, each time I fell asleep it was only for a minute or less.. soon these visions, plagues, all of them were too much, I began to cry softly just wanting a good nights sleep.. A hand tapped my shoulder and I turned to see a tired claggor, goggles around his neck, only in his white t-shirt he wears under all his layers and some pijama pants, I sniffled.

"S-Sorry.. Im just-"

"Its okay, I gotcha." I was cut off abruptly and he gently climbed in with me, holding me close to him, my tears continued but I tried to stay quiet, although this didnt alarm him, all he did was hold me tighter and gently run his fingers though my hair.

"You dont gotta hide it.. y/n.. you can cry as loud as you want.. mylo sleeps like a rock.. vis knocked right out tired from the day.. and well. Powder doesnt wake up unless theres a fire.. Im the only one who'll hear you.." his words made me calmer, safer.

"I dunno if i-i want to cry anymore.."

"Glad to hear that babe.." he kissed my forehead softly, I played with the strap of his goggles gently, sniffling as my tears died down, he rubbed my back and tilted my chin up to him

"Whats wrong." I'd expected this from him, I frowned and pressed my head to his chest, feeling his heart beat

"I cant sleep.. without dreaming of them.. my parents.. that day.. I know I have to get over it but.. I just cant."

"You dont have to get over shit. We all.. we all have our monsters.. its only reasonable you have yours.. But itll be okay.. one day on your own time.. you'll be able to move on.. make your own family.. we. Will make our own family.." his words rang in my ears and I smiled up at him

"You really know how to talk to a lady huh." My words made him hold back laughter, snickers and chuckles escaped and I smiled even wider, his teeth glowed in each smile.

"What a pretty boy I see.."

"Don't flatter me!" He smirked down at me "I know your tricks ya little fox.. now.. lets get to sleep huh..?"

"Okay.. as long as you stay next to me.."

"Why wouldnt I?" He planted one last kiss on my lips and rested his head on the pillow we shared, I closed my eyes listening to just his breath, relaxing, this time as I fell asleep, my dreams couldnt be less peaceful..

(Sorry if its too short)

[l0stfoster]

Hey its paul anon again (thanks for the name 🫡) sorry ive been bombarding you with questions but I absolutely love this au and i love everyone to bits

So, can you go into more detail about darry and paul . Like, as much info abt them as you can throw at me those two are my boys . Like how did they officially get together , how did Paul go abt moving in and whats that situation like .

Also, when Paul is like kicked out and cut off from the family, does he end up just,, losing everything? I mean like, did his parents even let him get his belongings or did all he have was the clothes on his body and trauma. I would imagine his parents had control over his bank account too so they like shut that down too so he’s out here broke as fuck JHSJSHSJ sorry im just yapping

Anon never apologizes for asking I'm so open to answering them bc I love this au and I adore that so many people like it too. Parry fans are eating good bc the writers love Cursed!Parry just as much. I'll answer your questions ab them before I yap. To be totally honest, those two did not ever really make it official. Doing that requires two things they lack; emotional openness and no internalized homophobia. They both told themselves for the longest time that it wasn't a relationship... even after they started saying "I love you" in Latin and Fae respectively (Paul knows Latin bc spells, Darry knows Fae for obvious reasons), or when each other realized managed to figure out WHAT the other was saying,, or when they started sharing a bed and waking up intertwined,,, or when they started using far too affectionate pet names,,, or when things became far too intimate for it to be casual. They never actually make it official, one day they just slip into calling each other their boyfriends. The most official it ever got was when they flat out went "Oh yeah, we're dating" to the gang. The gang was making bets on that, by the way. Pony said weeks, Soda said a month, Steve said two, Two-Bit said a year. Ace got it right down to the date and time, nobody knows how she did it. They have no anniversary because they have no fucking idea when they really "got together". Paul never truly moved in either, he kinda just went from crashing there whenever his car wasn't an option, to taking up the couch almost every night, to sleeping in Darry's room, and eventually, it was just an unspoken thing that he was officially a member of the household. They have to kick him out for the day whenever the social worker comes to check on things, cause Darry can NOT take the risk of some kind of bad outcome to his mere existence. OK MORE GENERAL PARRY - Being with Paul reminds Darry that he's only 20 and still allowed to be something other than "the adult" sometimes. That brings a whole KIND of happiness that he can't describe. Dude's tail is fucked up due to physical trauma but that bitch wags so fast with Paul. - Darry on the other hand just generally grounds Paul. He's so used to the way of life that was on the west side that everything going on there is overwhelming sometimes. - They're very bad with vocal I love you's in English but they will say that shit ALL the time in different languages or through their actions. - Uh after Paul got jumped and had his letterman jacket stolen, Darry gave him an old denim jacket of his own bc Paul hated having his arms out in the open. - Pony audibly gags every time they're lovey-dovey. He's not homophobic unless you're Paul and Darry. - They'd shotgun cigarettes when they were younger (and the only reason they don't anymore is the account of Darry wanting to keep the fact that he smokes every rare occurrence on the down low) - Darry's purring has healing properties like a cat's purr (all of the brothers' have it actually) so this mf will just drag Paul down to cuddle and purr. - They are.. so down bad for each other. Darry does anything and Paul swoons, and they've def had an interaction that goes something like this: Paul, knowing Darry cant lie: "How do you feel about me right now?" Darry, immediately: "I'd marry you if I could." Paul & Darry:

As for being kicked out, Paul's parents quite literally just. Booted him, barely a warning. One minute he's arguing back for the first time since their keeping up appearances at the police event, and the next he's being dragged by the arm and shoved out of the house with threats of being killed if he dares to show his face back there. Just like that, all of it's pretty much gone; save for the clothes on his back and whatever he'd been carrying-- which was really only his car keys and his wallet. He was sleeping in his car for a bit until Two and Pony vaguely got on his ass because Darry's calls were going to voicemail and he was stupid enough to let it slip that he wasn't living at home anymore. Pony, being Pony, snitched. Can't have shit with that little gremlin around- so after finding his dumbass after having had the equivalent of an aneurism over suddenly being ghosted by Paul, Darry extended the offer for Paul to stay with them. He doesn't mind it being a permanent solution, but Paul is.. less fond for a few reasons; so he tries not to impose much while he looks for work. (He does eventually get something sorted out, so yippie! Helps with the bills what a guy) FORGOT TO ADD. He sneaks home at one point to try and get some of his shit because he knows where the spare key is, but gets cold feet at the door because he genuinely doesn't know if his dad will keep up with that threat.

[deedala]

🍃w e e k l y t a g w e d n e s d a y🍃

thank you to @energievie for writing the game this week and thanks for tagging me!! also thanks for tagging me for this and also for the pinterest game which im putting down below @lingy910y @gallapiech @suzy-queued @creepkinginc @thepupperino @blue-disco-lights @crossmydna @jrooc @heymacy @wehangout @mybrainismelted @xninetiestrendx @heymrspatel XOXOXO all of you 💖💖💖

Name: deanna

Age: noel-aged

Location: ooohiooo

And now...

What is your DJ name? i dunno, when i worked in college radio it was something about a fish... okay wait yes, lets go with DJ Fishy 🙃

If you were a genre of music, what would it be? whatever chappell roan's the rise and fall of a midwest princess is

What would you title your biography? Wellp

What are the first three things you'd do if you were invisible? i like this idea of sneaking onto expensive modes of transportation. i would do that assuming i had no where else to be and no responsibilities to see to 😆 and i would also rob rich people... and maybe i would go for walks int he middle of the night by myself and feel safe lol

What subject do you wish was taught in every school?  all the important money and personal finance basics that they used to teach but then stopped because it made it easier to prey on adults who didnt know how to manage their credit and debt or do their taxes correctly 😜

When was the last time you tried something for the first time and what was it?  uuhhh...the only thing i can think of right now is a lavender flavored matcha drink that was recommended a few months ago? ive gotten it again a few times (including today!) and its very good. im so happy i know what lavender tastes like now 😆

What is the most underrated city you have ever visited?  this is very hard...i dont even really know how to know how most cities are rated anyway?? i feel like all the cities ive been to and loved are pretty universally rated highly lol. uhhhhh...i dunno.. Heidelberg, Germany? Luxembourg City? one of those.

What day in your life would you like to relive? uuhh i dunno, im going with wedding day because i barely remember any of it, it was such a blur. i would be less responsible and have more fun 😅

If you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine, what would it be and why?  i really love sleeping and going to bed and falling asleep. but i hate waking up and i hate losing the time to unconsciousness. so if i could stay alive and not be tired and never sleep that would be so cool.

How long would you last in a zombie apocalypse?  i like to think i could last pretty long because i am a huge wimp and have great Nope It's Time To Go instincts. Also im good at climbing.

What would be the most surprising scientific discovery imaginable? uuhhh backwards time travel

If you could have any view out your office window, what would you choose? puget sound with the olympic mountain range in the distance

☀️pinterest tag game☀️

i was tagged to do this pinterest game where you search Fashion, Pantone, Mood, and Food and post the first pin from each of the search results. gotta be honest buddies i dont really use pinterest very often and when i do its for random photo references sooooo...

x x x x

i do not know what is happening with that outfit. that is not really a color i would pick but its fine? the mood is pretty but looks kind of melancholy. that last photo though??? oh my god let me climb into there i wanna sit in the cozy rustic kitchen and eat pastries pleaaaaassseeeee!!!!!!

and now to tag in more folks to play either or both of these games!! 💖💖 @michellemisfit @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @the-rat-wins @lee-ow @mmmichyyy @iansw0rld @transmickey @burninface @loftec @metalheadmickey @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @vintagelacerosette @palepinkgoat @sam-loves-seb @samantitheos @sleepyfacetoughguy @sickness-health-all-that-shit @sleepyheadgallavich @rereadanon @mikhailoisbaby @mickeysgaymom @themarchg1rl @callivich @softmick @captainjowl @howlinchickhowl @spookygingerr @spoonfulstar @steorie @whatwouldmickeydo @burninface

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS PT 2.

If you want to know about your gifts, talents and skills you should check out your sidereal chart as each planet holds a lot of detail on the mind-spirit-body connection. It shows a lot of your personal power from each planet and sign and how they all fully come together to make you, you.

Capricorns are naturals at the occult. They hold a lot of deep knowledge about how this world works and they express the duality of it very well. Most think that capricorns are built on just the law and while they are, they know that their are rules that can be broken. Capricorns are an interesting bunch, they know just how to be successful in anything that they do. Getting closer to the higher ups because they just that 'it' factor of being the boss. They dont 'kiss ass' per say, they just know how to play the game. And another thing about the game, capricorns know thats what we live in. So to play the game, they learn to become the chess master.

5th house scorpios can make anything interesting in this house. Games with them can be slightly taboo. Could have a lot of sex partners. hidden secrets around children, their love life and the type of games they like to play. An observation ive seen with scorpio 5th housers is that BDSM and weird kinks/cosplay could be a thing.

5th house uranus will have some pretty interesting kids. Will Smith has this placement for example. People with this placement are gonna have to understand that their children are going to be a totally different version of them and thats okay. Unique individuals, they can create fun and new games for people. You could be the next person to make a new board game or something a long those lines. Video games? New toys? Theres a business mindset here that needs to be touched on with these placement holders. You guys can really create new, whimsical worlds for people to enjoy!

Neptune in the 8th, spiritual realms open up to these individuals. They do not sleep. No I mean literally, their dreams take them to new dimensions all the time and they come back finding out new information from these worlds. Even their waking life is like a dream, connecting it all together. May be prone to getting psychosis due to the consistent stimulation to their third eye. Its a wild ride for these kids, if you have a friend with this placement gon' head and check on them.

10th house Saturns & Jupiter placements have self mastery written all in their chart. Whatever it is they came out to do its been done before in many other lives. If you believe in past lives, then im talking to you.

10 house jupiter individuals are natural geniuses finding their way through life. They focus heavy on community and love to learn more about how they can help them, what they can bring to the table etc.

Mars in the 8th house is a strong placement for jealousy to occur. These individuals know what they want when they want it. Highly passionate in nature, they most create a routine where their energy can be tapped into on a daily or they'll suffer burn out. Or worse, become a sex maniac. All your energy can not go to sex, it has to go to something that sustain you. Whats your purpose? goals? get into it. thats where most of it HAS to go to.

Venus 6th house need routine to be in order. Some chaos here and there but not too much in your day to day. Your minds needs to follow your passions and purpose in order to feel stable. Focus on something that makes you pay close attention to detail. Something that forces you to take your time.

People with this placement normally have the cutest pets :) and they get the most compliments all of the time.

[p1x1x]

would you fw kou × shirahime? just curious cuz I think it's like. the only healthy relationship in arcaea and you seem to talk about & draw toxic doomed arcaea yuri a lot haha

haha i wouldn’t say i fw them bc admittedly they dont take up much of my brain space, but they are a cute ship! their meeting was adorable hfhdhd

ok this got long so im putting all this shit under the cut 😭

but for me to go crazy about a ship it needs to have cute, angst, and freak in it… kou/shirahime really only have the cute aspect, which isnt enough substance for me bc i am an angst freak 😔😔 the most i could think of for angst is like. them never seeing each other again but thats not really the type of angst i like i guess 🤔 love yearning in yuri but hmm… its probably also bc i dont imagine they’ll be angsty like that. they have a belief they’ll see each other again, and given their personality, they’ll probably stick to that belief! very hopeful, do hope they meet each other again … they r cute : P …

the other “healthy” yuri that exists in arcaea i would say i fw a bit is mir/shirabe… they got the cute, but they also have the slightest bit of codependency to me… mainly on mir’s side. yk, seeing herself as a sword and shield, a protector (a tool)… the way shirabe’s the one to help her keep going… and i like the aspect of shirabe waiting for her every time. i think there should be art of mir resting her head on shirabe’s lap…

mir would probably be direct in thanking shirabe, for still waiting for her, which would make shirabe blush haha. she’ll probably say something about keeping her word. pushing a strand of hair out of mir’s face, tucking it behind her ear… shirabe’s probably humming at some point while mir falls asleep…

(think it’d be fun to play with just shirabe getting summoned… even more fun if mir just wakes up alone in the white sand… there’s not much sense of time passing, and she’s never experienced the waiting that shirabe does, and its kind of terrifying how quiet it is again… if she werent asleep, maybe she’d have been able to do something about the summoning… a tool shouldnt need to sleep anyway …idk but that’s just me wanting angst)

but yeah … cute yuri is great, im just… soooo hungry for misery guilt freak stuff … ltsy had the 3 things, but 6/8 amps everything up lol so i became severely deceased about them … hikaritsu also got things but i like their story as is :^)

(skmy also has these things a little bit… cute and angst is mainly towards maya though haha… maybe even vtsy? but theyre largely one sided bc lethe is jdhdgdgdhddgdhd… saya’s totally gay for lethe… but i do just really like messed up yuri . and fictional girls crying. i loveee looking at what makes em miserable and feel terrible and guilty hahaha i think ive said this like 5 times before)

6/8 has the freakiest potential by far... so ,,,

but yk maybe i’ll draw the other ships one day!!! gotta keep up the arcaeayuri…

[a-libra-writes]

👉👈 can i get some nicodeme savoy romantic hcs please? Im thinking he and s/o (or crush) probably work together or smth bc that's how i personally see a relationship with him or even Serafine working, but feel free to go about it how you like ^^

Hehe I got a bevy of Nico requests, this one is gonna be some Romantic HC's (like ive got with the others) with additional HCs of working with him on the bottom!

Nico's a pretty easy guy to start flirting with. If there's a handsome fellow or lovely lady who wants his attention, who is he to refuse? He takes it in stride, not really pushing or pursuing too hard - you set the speed. The only time he'll put on the brakes is if you're clearly angling for something serious; Nico is quite upfront about wanting a more casual relationship.

While he's flirting with you, Serafine likes to do the same, even if just to bug him or interrupt. They've always been like this with each other's romantic interests, and have even shared flings. Note if you aren't comfortable with it or aren't interested in women, she picks up quickly and doesn't continue her flirtations. The teasing will be endless, though. No escape.

(Sometimes it actually bugs him out his sister will interrupt right when the flirting gets to something more. He just makes a mental note to pay her back later.)

Nico definitely takes you places that aren't traditional dating spots ... The Marigold room, boxing matches, rowdy and cramped speakeasies he heard about from a cousin of a friend of a friend. While he'll also go places you suggest, these spots are where he seems to be most relaxed and in his element. And if you're masc or present as such, it's much easier to be physically affectionate and open in those underground places.

Also, showing you off is fun! Nico will say as much. Whether you're at his side or in his lap, he has a comfortable yet steady arm around you to make it clear who you're with. He really loves it when people try to flirt anyway, just so he can stop them short with a "They're a little occupied, don't you think?" and give you a kiss right on the neck. He is shameless.

Actually, he thinks it's kind of funny when others flirt with you, and then you immediately shoot them down once he shows up. Huge ego boost, as if he needs any more. Almost makes being late to the date worth it.

And on that note, Nico is a very affectionate guy. He's most likely going to be the bigger person between you two, which he likes. Nico likes picking you up like it's nothing, giving you big squeezing hugs, and carrying you around. It's extra fun when you get flustered and embarrassed. He likes kisses and making out and really doesn't care who sees, though Serafine will toss something at him when it's time to stop and get a room.

Also, he's surprisingly conservative with his energy when he isn't fighting, so he likes lazy days with you, too. Resting his head in your lap, rubbing his cheeks against your's when you wake up together and going back to sleep. He's actually pretty damn content with just snuggling. It's fun when you're smaller because he can just lean and flop on you and you can't do much to move him. Serafine knows if he doesn't come home, he's probably at your place, so if she needs him she drives by there and blares her horn until he comes out. Oh, and if you like his accent, he's definitely playing it up and thinking up silly petnames for you.

(Not a serious relationship tho)

He doesn't like talking about the relationship being "exclusive", just stating that he'd rather not be tied down and he doesn't get why you'd want to complicate things. That's the claim, but it's pretty clear to his sister that he's lost interest in his other dalliances. Nico just shrugs and tells her they aren't as fun. She tries to suss out your feelings on the matter as well, but she'll always be on her brother's side, and she won't convince him to be something he's not.

You'll actually get the big guy talking about his childhood, and the swamp they nearly died in. He likes hearing about your's, especially if it was very different from how he grew up. If you're well-off he likes teasing about you being an "uptown cat" whose messing around with a stray, but it doesn't truly bother him. Nico might even be willing to meet some family members, but never in a formal setting, and he won't try to smooth his rough edges.

He is what he is, and there's really no changing it. Still, it's obvious Nico cares for you dearly, even if he doesn't wax poetic about it or go about it in a traditional way.

If you both work together, that's just fine for him - more time to spend with you, and you both would get closer much faster. Having to rely on someone in a gunfight and trust they won't chicken out or abandon you will do that.

The siblings might prefer having you on their jobs over Mordecai, if you're more prone to "fun" and chaos like they are. Nico likes to show off for you and flirt mid-firefight, and just laughs if you scold him. He's more situationally aware than he appears, though; if you're in danger he's quick to leap to action, just as he would for his sister.

He's probably gotten himself hurt doing that, though he isn't bothered by it. Nico has a remarkably high pain tolerance and would probably walk off a bullet wound if you and his sister didn't stop him. More than once he's showed up to your home bloody, having gone to you before the Marigold doctor. Can you blame him for wanting to be fussed over by you instead of that old man? At least if he's hurt on a job you're both at, you can drive his ass to proper medical care.

Oh, and he's not above giving you a kiss before and after a job. Or during, if there's a quiet moment. Hey, he's still paying attention (probably). Serafine just rolls her eyes and tells him to focus (or you to stop encouraging him), but she plays along if Mordecai is around. The shadowy cat is making disgusted noises and very bluntly telling you two to focus and do those things elsewhere.

Also, work with the Savoy siblings long enough, and you're likely to be inducted into their whole 'Maitre Carrefour' group, and it ... may not be entirely optional. If you're loyal to the siblings, Nico will convince his sister to not bother you so much about it, but it's clear Serafine wants you to be a part of it. The three of you end up being a well-known trio amongst the Marigold gang, which would only make Mordecai more wary and unwilling to be 'friendly' with you three (actually, the blatant PDA probably bothers him more.)

[hyunnows]

SHATTERED PUZZLES | 10

“a rude and arrogant patient with no identification wakes up from a year-long coma and develops temporary amnesia. Assigned to you, a volunteer who’s not going to put up with his attitude, you’re both in for a rough ride.”

PAIRING(s) | Hyunjin x reader, ft Minho x reader

THEMES | fluff, angst, a slight love triangle (i gotta stop with the skz love triangles–), amnesia!Hyunjin, Doctor!Chan, Rude!Hyunjin, car accident, trauma

WORD COUNT | 2.7k+

RATING | pg13

NOTE | ... well hello there. i know its been a while, and im so sorry for that. im still not really back yet, since i havent gotten into any sort of writing schedule or anything. but i wanted to finish this part up for you guys since i felt you deserved it. i also want to say thank you for all the support while ive been away, and hello to all my new followers and new readers for this series! i cant believe ive been working on this since i was 15 T^T its crazy to think ill be 18 in december... really thank you guys, all of you, im grateful for those who are new around here and those who have been with me since the beginning! please enjoy and have a great day/night!

Series M.list | SKZ M.list | Taglist

It’s been about three weeks since Hyunjin was betrothed to Yuna. The two have grown closer, but not as their parents believe. Now, she’s become more of a sister, and Hyunjin her brother. 

She shares her crush on the shopkeeper she’s so fond of, asking for advice and tips. In turn, she gives Hyunjin the same—as well as tricks to keep his hair healthy. He likes having her as a friend. 

In between their normal chatter and hanging out, they scheme. Researching legal documents, checking to see if there’s any way they can get out of marrying each other. It’s tiring work, but love is a powerful driving force. 

“Do you know of any close family members that might be willing to take your spot?” Yuna raises her brow at Hyunjin. “I mean, I know I have a cousin or two that wouldn’t mind being in an arranged marriage for a few years. If you have someone to take your spot, then I think that they’ll let us off the hook.”

“That’s a good idea, except for the fact that I don’t know any of my family. The only family in my memories are my parents, and Minho I guess, but he’s not blood.” The blond frowns, sighing. Why did he have to be born to money hungry control freaks?

Yuna purses her lips, “I’ll have someone look into your family and see if you have any candidates. Until then, we have to just hang in there, I guess.”

——

“I’m dying.” You whine, hanging off the couch dramatically.

Minho and Chan shake their heads. “You’re not dying [Y/N],” the younger sighs, “I know it's hard, but you’re both safer this way.”

You know what he’s saying is true, but…

It's been over a month and a half since you were ripped away from Hyunjin, and you’ve thought of him every moment since then. You just want to see him--just be in his presence again. Unfortunately, you know that's not possible. At least, not according to Minho’s information on the blond.

So, while you may not be literally dying, you most definitely feel like you are.

And so when a particular idea pops in your head, you decide you have nothing left to lose, and voice it out.

“Let’s kidnap Hyunjin.”

----

“Yuna! Yuna! Where are you?” Hyunjin scrambles around, excitement all over his face as he races to find her. He’d been up since the crack of dawn, brainstorming ways to get out of their arrangement, and he finally came up with something. Now if only he could find her--

“Hyunjin? What? It’s early as hell,” she yawns, glancing at her phone and shoving the digital numbers in his face, giving him a good look at the time. 8:40 am. “What do you want?”

“They can’t force us to get married if one of us is already married.” He grins, panting slightly from the running around he’d done. Luckily, it isn’t odd for a fiancé to sleep over--or else the entire Hwang staff would be giving him a weird look all day.

Yuna curls a brow. “What do you mean? You want to run away and marry [Y/N] to get out of this?” She yawns a bit towards the end, rubbing her tired eyes with confusion.

His face is covered in shock for a moment before he picks up his jaw and shakes his head. “No, I love her, but she’s not ready to marry me yet. I barely confessed the day we were brought here.” He scoffs at the idea that he’d rush your relationship, which she rolls her eyes at. “You should marry Jay.”

Yuna flushes at the idea, mouth turning into a circle in surprise. Hyunjin knows she wants to marry the boy--she’s talked about it almost every day since they met, after all. “I-I don’t know… what if he doesn’t want to?”

Now it's Hyunjin’s turn to roll his eyes. “He wants to, trust me. I’ve seen the way he looks at you through the shop windows. He’s probably written his vows to you already,” he chuckles, his words making the girl redder than ever, which earns him a shove from her small hands. “Just ask him. If you two get married before our wedding, they won’t be able to force us together.”

Pursing her lips, she sighs. “Fine, I’ll ask.” Her agreement makes the blond cheer in satisfaction.

“Thank you Yuna!”

“Yeah yeah,” she waves him off, stepping back into her room and closing the door, “Let me get back to bed now.” Hyunjin apologizes and waltzes back down the hall to his room, and she can’t help but shake her head at his antics. “Weirdo.”

----

“You want to do what?” Chan all but yells, eyes wide in confusion. Sure, he’d heard a lot of crazy things pertaining to Hyunjin’s situation but you want to kidnap him? That’s a bit too much for the Australian to handle. “[Y/N] you know that’s illegal, right?”

You shrug. “Let's kidnap him. They kidnapped me already. Plus, Minho has pretty much done this before.” Your reasons just make the doctor sigh. “What? I can’t just sit around and do nothing anymore.”

Chan sees where you’re coming from, he really does, but as a doctor, he’s not sure he can condone this idea of yours. “But [Y/N], there’s no way you’re getting through their security and getting back here with Hyunjin safely. By the way, you could be arrested for kidnapping too. And you don’t have the money to get out of it.”

All of his stupid, logical reasoning makes you groan and roll your eyes. You know Chan likes to play by the rules—you usually do too—but for once, you just want him to support you and your bad idea. “Whatever, I don’t care! With or without you Chan, I’m gonna get Hyunjin back. I know he’s miserable, just like I am,” you frown, arms crossed loosely over your chest. “He deserves to be free, no matter who his parents are.”

As you strut away from the living room, Minho can’t help but stare at you in wonder. All this time, he’s known you cared for Hyunjin. What shocks him though, is that you seem to be the only person that can rival Minho’s love for his friend. ‘I can’t believe I’m going this again,’ he sighs, standing to follow you to your room so you can start discussing plans to break Hyunjin out. With the bright smile you give him when he agrees to your idea, he knows why it was so easy for him to fall for you. “So, what’re you thinking?”

Chan is completely flabbergasted, as well as disappointed, with Minho’s reaction. Sure, he knows Minho’s in love with you--everyone knows--but to go along with kidnapping Hyunjin? That sounds like more than love. It's insane. But then again, Chan also knows how much Minho cares about the younger boy, and how much he misses hanging out with him freely. “You guys are ridiculous, you know that, right?”

You glare at the Australian, but you can tell with the way he sounds stressed that he’s about to give into whatever plan you throw at him. 

And so, you begin explaining your master plan to the two boys. 

It wasn’t anything complicated. You would go as Minho’s date for the upcoming gala, disguised as one of their rich guests. While the two of you worked to find Hyunjin, Chan would pretend to be a security guard, and make a safe escape route. This was the base at least. You had also hoped to bring Han, Jeongin, and Seungmin along, have them act as caterers (if they agreed) and keep attention away from Minho, Hyunjin, and yourself as much as possible. Then, Minho would excuse himself, drive one of his cars around the side, and they would all slip out unnoticed.

So here you were, dressed all fancy, surrounded by about a hundred other guests. They’re all too busy trying to either get to Mr. or Mrs. Hwang to notice you, but you feel as if all their eyes are on you, judging you, picking you apart, and getting ready to notify the security of your suspicious presence. 

It makes you shuffle forward a bit faster, and you bump against someone’s shoulder on accident. “I am so sorry--”

“Don’t worry about…” her eyes lock with yours within seconds, “What ar--”

You hold your finger vertically against your lips, telling her--Hyunjin’s arranged partner (who Minho warned you about and who was well aware of how you looked due to the social media pictures of you Hyunjin had shoved in her face)--‘don’t say anything’ and reconnect to Minho’s arm. Minho, who’d seen the whole thing, gives you a curt nod for not going off script.

Striding to the buffet table, you spot Jeongin in your peripheral vision, keeping the attention off of you. He seems to be doing a great job, considering all the older women were by him, gushing over the “adorable young waiter” less than discreetly. You’d seen his fiancée, now where was Hyunjin?

“I’m gonna go look around upstairs, you keep an eye out down here, yeah?” Minho leans down to whisper to you, looking at you for agreement. 

You squeeze his arm and shake your head, “No Minho, everyone’s gonna know I don’t belong here if they see me without you.”

He sighs, stopping the two of you in your tracks. “Nobody’s going to know [Y/N], as long as you don’t do anything to attract attention, you’ll be fine. Just walk around and smile at people.”

You’re about to argue why that isn’t true when he slips out of your hold and walks off--meaning it would look too odd if you were to speed walk back up to him. ‘Damn you’, you think, before turning towards the art wall and deciding that would be a good place to start. 

----

You were wrong. 

As it turns out, the art wall isn’t actually just a small hallway with lovely paintings on the wall and a statue or two on display. It was an entire gallery bigger than your apartment by a landslide. You couldn’t help but be amazed at the family’s collection of fine pieces--but damn it if this wasn’t inconvenient to your search. You’re about 15 minutes into the gallery and still no sign of Hyunjin. You’re beginning to get cold feet about this plan and getting ready to call the whole thing off when a mess of blond hair and dark roots catch your eye. He’s admiring a painting, two bodyguards beside him, one on either side. 

You want to run up to him, hold him so close you’re practically in his skin, his warmth all around you. 

But you can’t, otherwise, all your planning, arranging, and sneaking around would go to waste. You dial Minho’s number and tell him the situation, and he’s by your side within minutes. He smoothly makes his way to Hyunjin, you trailing close behind and listening as Minho tells the guards something to get them to leave. 

“Hyunjin, I brought someone with me,” Minho smiles, catching the younger male’s attention. Stepping aside to make you visible, Hyunjin’s jaw drops and Minho has to catch his glass out of his hands to keep him from shattering it on the floor. “Say hi.”

You can see his eyes get watery, his lip trembling as he takes a step towards you before he stops himself. “What are you doing here? It’s dangerous for you [Y/N].”

Despite his words, you can’t help but melt at the way he sounds saying your name. “We’re getting you out” you whisper, staring into his glistening eyes. “We couldn’t just leave you here.”

“How? My clothes have trackers, there’s guards everywhere-- I don’t think you guys are getting out of here with me,” he frowns, grabbing his clothes to the light flickering in the seams. “I’m stuck here.”

“We know about the guards and everything. We weren’t prepared for the trackers, though,” your brows curl in worry as you look at Minho.

He mentions that he has extra clothes, then moves on to explain the plan to Hyunjin. He seems worried, but at this point, he’ll do anything to get out of his parent’s hold. With a sigh, he asks, “Do you know when Chan will be ready?”

“I was actually about to check,” Minho states, calling the doctor up quickly. He mumbles into the phone, hand covering his face, making it hard enough not only for bystanders and strangers to hear, but difficult for Hyunjin and yourself as well. However, the nod that's accompanied by the movement of his chin let you know enough. “He’s ready whenever you are,” he gives Hyunjin a look, before gesturing to a particularly broad-shouldered security guard standing by a door off to the side of the gallery with “SECURITY” written in bold print on it. 

You begin tugging the blond towards the Australian, suddenly remember you’re all on borrowed time, and that the guards assigned to stay by Hyunjin could return at any moment. Upon this reminder, Hyunjin begins rushing towards the door as discreetly as possible, and Minho decides now is as good a time as ever to excuse himself as the getaway driver. 

“Hey man,” Chan greets quietly, swiftly opening the door to the security room and ushering the two of you inside. Hyunjin nods, glancing around in confusion and paranoia. Upon seeing the younger male’s fright, Chan calms his fears, “Don’t worry about the cameras seeing us. I know a guy who fixed that for us.”

Han’s voice comes out muffled from Chan’s headset, making Hyunjin and your own eyes widen. You knew he had some interest in computers, but you didn’t think he actually had any knowledge to help with something like this. At least now you know how he never seems to get viruses from downloading so much questionable software (he would really do anything to get free streaming services). “Yeah I covered for you guys, but you only have like 5 minutes left before the cameras start capturing live footage again. In other words, hurry up please.” 

You all begin moving through the route, which is incredibly clear. The security room connects to dozens of other security rooms through hidden hallways. You suppose it only makes sense, considering just how rich the Hwangs are, for them to have such an intricate hidden system within the walls of their household. 

Within 3 minutes, you three make it out the back door, where Minho is quietly pulling up, undetected. Hyunjin had removed his shirt during the walk, and ditched his shoes when you guys left the first security room, only needing to change his lower half’s garments now. He hops into the back, quickly replacing his own clothes with those Minho had given to him, ridding himself of the trackers. You hop in the back soon after beside him, Chan and Jeongin piling in soon after with the elder taking the passenger seat and Jeongin squishing himself beside you, barely buckling in when Minho steps on the gas.

“Alright, cams coming on in three… two… one-” just as Han’s voice finishes the count down from Chan’s phone, Hyunjin’s phone goes off with alerts, which are quickly followed by a spam of phone calls that make him throw his phone out of the window in fear as Minho begins speeding down the road towards your side of town.

Hearts pumping with adrenaline, you and the blond face each other simultaneously, tearing up immediately as you lean in to embrace each other’s lips for the first time in far too long. His forehead presses against yours as tears run down his cheeks, his hands caressing and wiping your face. “I missed you so much.”

Your bottom lip trembles, and you lean into his neck, arms wrapping around him to pull Hyunjin close to you, afraid he might disappear if you let go, “I missed you more.”

He lets out a painful laugh, squeezing you tighter to him, and shaking his head as if to gently disagree with you. He can’t fathom you missing him any more than he missed you. “I love you.”

A wistful sigh escapes you, a choked sob following not long after, “I love you too.”

The three boys glance back at you, each of them wearing a soft smile. However, Chan found it difficult to see only joy in Minho’s eyes after hearing your proclamations. He doesn’t mention it though, allowing you all a moment of peace.

----

After arriving at Jisung, Jeongin, and–at this point–Minho’s apartment and settling in, one question plague’s your minds.

“So…” Jisung begins, “What now?”

Series M.list | SKZ M.list | Taglist

[skips-is-asleep]

What Your Favorite Sollux Ship Says About You

I swear ive been working so hard on Space Solkat, but ive had this idea in my head for well over a year and just decided i might as well make a post about it

This is all in good fun and jokes, but if you dont want your fav ship being critisized pls dont read this, just click off lmao

AraSol: You’ve been in the fandom for a very long time and/or you love relationships that just seamlessly work together, ships that Make Sense and are right there with no subtext and you love both of these characters and want them to be happy. This is a very classic ship and they are literally perfect for each other whether you read it pale or flushed

SolTav: You love nerdy boys, you love ships with characters that have similar interests but near opposite personalities, and you also love crack shipping

Solkat: This is no hate to arasol truthers, but if you prefer mlm ships, this is the sollux ship that makes the most sense/is the best. it has the most feel good potential. You understand/love both the characters very well, but you also love the spice that their dynamic brings

SolNep: You like opposites attract and you also like ships that have a gimmick. She lays on his keyboard and chews his wires, and also brightens his day and cracks at his grumpy boy exterior. Maybe you like Nepkat but don’t like the canon baggage where he’s mean to her

SolKan: There’s a very high likelihood that you ship them pale (correct) and like ships that have really good banter potential. You also want Sollux to dress up fancy but need an logical excuse for it. If you don’t ship them pale, youre a lesbophobe

SolRezi: Very similar to solkan, you likely ship them pale and you likely love their chemistry with each other, the wit they both have bounces off each other seamlessly and they are excellent at creating bits with each other that go too far. The big difference here is that you like when shit goes CRAZY

SolVris: You’re either a contrarian/crack shipper just for the sake of, you like fixer-upper relationships with angst, or youre a lesbophobe

Solquius: You’ve been in this fandom for a long time, you really really like pitch ships. or youre an equius apologist, or all three. Either way, you love looking into things that are supposed to not be taken seriously and reading too deeply

SolGam: You like opposites attract, and you prefer mlm ships, you could not get more opposite than with this two, and you think it would be really funny if they loved each other actually

Erisol: You’re a veteran homestuck, you used to/still like yaoi or youre an eridan apologist (I say this as all three)

SolFef: You love the ships that the canon gives you, you love sunshine girl and grumpy boy pairings, and im willing to bet that either youre straight, or you think one of them is straight (wrong)

JuneSol: You love crack shipping, but also you love over-analzying canon text

DaveSol: You really really like dave and want him to date a version of himself from the mirror dimension, and im also willing to bet that you only really ship this to make an OT3 with karkat work

RoseSol: I’m willing to bet this is pale again, and im gonna be real, this is davesol but better, yall are sleeping on this ship

JadeSol: You love ships with potential, and also really really want the hc that Sollux likes girls with long hair to be true/believe wholeheartedly that it is true

SolRox: You love ships with gimmicks, they are tech buddies! (I do not know the first thing about roxy ill be honest)

DIrkSol: You like dirk, and don’t really like the other ships he’s in, Sollux skates by because, of the people to ship dirk with, Sollux is probably the meanest and wittiest in that roster. No one would fight with Dirk the way Sollux would, wake up

If you ship JaneSol or JakeSol, you like crackshipping, or you read really really deep into the dialogue jake has with erisolsprite

[addictivepsychology]

Day 170

I’m finally out of my position fully

I’m so much more at peace now and can feel the heavy weights lifting off of me

I can talk and get to know the kids again

I’m playing and learning with them again

I’m happy again

On and off manic, being so excited

I’ve started doing delivery driving on the side for extra income since my hours are cut

And it’s not much money,

But it’s so nice waking up when I want to and testing out what works within the app to make the most money

I’ve been waking up early, at 6am to try and get out to do the deliveries and I love it

I’m excited to wake up again

Ive been sleeping like a baby, finally, after not sleeping well for weeks,

I’m going to put in my two weeks tomorrow or Friday

I want to be completely away from the toxicity, I’m done with the back and forth of

I have enough of that within myself,

I don’t need your burden of stress

I already had some job interviews, and got both of them

I’ll start at the beginning of March,

I’m so excited for the next chapter

They will also hopefully transfer me when I move

I’ll be moving in a few months to

I want to be closer to Disneyland

And experience life there

See everything there is

I’m bored of being here again

I get bored so easily

You say that’s one of your worries with me,

If I’ll get bored of you

And I haven’t told you but that’s always one of my worries too

But I’m also logical

Everything can’t always be exciting

And honeymoon phases are real

Being bored isn’t a bad thing

As long as there’s ups and excitement

And you’re full of it

I’m really nervous to put in my two weeks

They keep talking about my future here

And how summer will go

And how they’re excited for me in my new position

They’re excited for what I’ll contribute but I’m done contributing

When will you contribute to my health

My mental health

I’m done giving to things and people and places that don’t give back

Money isn’t enough anymore

Im exhausted

But im finally regaining myself and my energy

There new guy started

He seems kind of out of the loop

But really good at what he does

We are excited for him

But nothing we’ll ever be enough for them so

It’ll eventually go sour

All those best friends that are management won’t be best friends much longer

They’ll see the darker colors that come out during our stressful times

And they’ll turn against each other

I noticed today

Everything I was taught to do on one side of the job was the exact opposite that they want where I was in that role

And I didn’t know that’s

Now I realize that’s

And see things they wanted but wasn’t sure how to fit it in

Now being able to step away, it’s easier to see

But it didn’t matter now

Just more lessons to take with me for my next places

Jessica got two internships that she applied for

She both both that accepted her for interviews

First in line for one and second in line for the other

And as sad as I am that she won’t be moving with me anymore, I’m so happy for her to be close to home

And get the place that’ll help you succeed the most

Two more work days and I’ll get to see you again

We’ve been talking every day

Nights of sleeping on face time

Waking up to you and falling asleep to you

I get to be dumb around you,

My guard is never down

But I’m making sure it’s down for some now

I can’t wait to give you your valentines gift

I’m going to dessert with Jessica, I’ll write more when I can

❤️❤️❤️

[anon420journal]

12/30/24

Ok LOL i definitely haven’t journaled consistently at all but it’s ok. I lowkey wish I had prompts for each day so maybe I should identify what personal stuff I want to track daily? I’m going to try to reflect on the week now. I remember feeling like shit and being cranky ash the 25th and then decided to start taking adderall again so I feel like im rotting less and it definitely helped because I started my hobbies (painting) agsin. I’m lowkey a shit painter but it’s relaxing to do the painting strokes while I watch smth bc it feels like at least im creating something; I do want to get better at painting. I also want to get better at identifying and expressing my emotions. It has reignited my Stucky obsession though which is really cooked because I found one of my all time favorite series again and read like literally 300k words over like 8 hours over night and it fucked up my already fucked up sleep schedule. I love fanfic but I literally consume it so much constantly it just fills some kind of emotional gratification instantly (or it’s my go to emotional validation thing idk) like idk maybe I should look into that but idgaf. I’ve been rot maxing this winterbreak a lot and it reminds me of the behavior/self(even?) from a year ago.

This should definitely scare me because it’s honestly been a recurring TM issue like my passiveness or my lack of ambition core or like idk lacking executive function core. It’s lowkey a lot to explain at least from my perspective as the writer idk. But I’ll try because maybe it will help unpack it (though im certain I have done this before). But to keep it brief because it feels like so much work to explain but it’s my procrastination. I have been using a physical planner for all the schoolwork/job stuff I need to get done but it fails with my personal goals. For example I’ve been meaning to get into exercising for like months now and I know a lot of ppl have troubles w that but it’s trusting for me especially because im aware of just how much it would help my physical health and as a result my mental health. I feel like I’m exhausted all the time and it’s deffo bc of my eating and my mental health but even thinking abt walking around campus fills me w dread. Right now im lucky because I stay with my parents and commute and it’s more sedentary. My life has been a lot easier living with my parents but I hate it at the same time because I want to be able to function more independently and I want to get the fuck out of my midwest ass state and meet more people who are like me and not just white neurotypical losers and not to be a hater but lowkey the loser yt NDs ive had so many of u guyd as bffs and i need to branch out. Sorry loser yt NDs im one of u guys on the inside. I wanna meet more cool fashionable poc who are also nerds and have their little homebody hobbies but also are ambitious career-wise. And I think being more active would help me with the drive/motivation I want to have to live the way I want to when I move out. I think 2 major roadblocks for my exercising have been not getting the right equipment and this is some real shit not bs yoga mat or like home gym equipment shit I mean like I literally don’t have tennis shoes and comfy moveable but body safe gym clothes. And also going to the gym alone. My college has a gym but im scared of the equipment and all the exercises you can do. But lowkey none of my friends have the time or want to go to the gym. I’ve already gone through these realizations for working out already so I decided maybe stretching in the morning would be better but if I have to be honest I need to give myself like an hour and a half for my morning routine for my optimal health idk and I’ve always struggled with waking up. In fact waking up has always been really fucking hard for me and im sure it’s related to all my nighttime media consuming but whatever. Also I noticed that my planner hasn’t always been the most useful for true deep learning that I need to get done as a college student but that’s kinda beside the point bc usually if I lock in w my adderall for my lectures im pretty well off. Ok im tired of journaling this shit took like an hr to write. I have vented in my notes app before when im actually literally tweaking and I can’t just text my friends abt it and it’s been useful but idk abt this daily shit. Oh I need to leave off w this realization because I feel like it’s significant and new to me: most of the problems people will have with you will stem from you not taking care of yourself. Realized this while reading my stucky fanfic ngl.

[minkkumaz]

really tired tbh!! i made the mistake of staying up til 4 to play games, but i found out i had to wake up early the next day to go out.. im like a blink away from falling asleep 😵

i was watching the woonmyungz asmr video that was posted a day ago,, just found out that jaehyun met woonhak when his jeans were inside out?? interesting!!

then apparently woonhak found it so cool he was like “hipster boy oh my gosh i want him to be my colleague..” (his words exact..)

almost broke down in tears when they were talking abt how whenever they fought, they’d reconcile after crying to one another.. (so many hcs popping up in my head after.)

felt like i learned so much abt the two of them LOL

unfortunately ive been really behind in bonedo content.. i never have the time to fully watch all the new shows and videos they make.. praying that one day school shuts down for like a month and i get to relax with my little bonedo imagines..

abt the photo thing im honestly not sure,, but all i know is that my storage is .6 away from being full but i dont have the heart to delete all my screen recordings of bonedo fancams..

OMI! if u ever decide to get into xikers lmk!! i have so much pent in xikers thoughts that have been just sitting in my notes app.. my beloved xikers <33 (ot10 til i die i love xikers sosososo much)(MINJAE the loml, yujun, HYUNWOO & sumin the bias wreckers of the century..)(until seeun,jinsik,yechan,junghoon,junmin & hunter appear..)

-🍉

OMG WHAT GAMES DO YOU PLAY?! i'm sure you had fun though, maybe sacrificing a little sleep was worth it. JUST MAKE SURE TO SLEEP A LITTLE EARLIER TONIGHT ^_^

woonmyungz are literally just the sweetest duo to ever exist, every time they are with each other i wanna give them the fattest hug they're such cuties. i'd also cry when reconciling with someone if i got in a fight with them LOL. i'd like to think i'm very very very similar to jaehyun, i am also a very clingy emotional person ><, also we both have the biggest love for woonhak HASKHJ

but yeah i've also been behind on bonedo content :( i've been behind on so much stuff in general. the only group i've been consistently keeping up with is 8turn. and it's not like i don't have the time to, i swear recently i've just been binging dhar mann videos LIKE IT SOUNDS CORNY BUT THEY'RE SO INTERESTING TO ME, but yeah hopefully once november - december roll around ill be more consistent with my groups. i've been neglecting stray kids too LMAO they were my first group i've stanned as well as my ult, so i feel like i need to catch up a bit (even though there is so much content i still haven't watched, i kinda miss being a baby stay ^^;)

XIKERS! you mentioned them so i watched tricky house and let me just say.. it was REALLY good. it gave me a little bit of ateez vibes ngl, but that might be just me. i don't stan ateez or anything but i'm picking up something. i don't really know the members so i'll tell you who caught my eye!

the one at the very top with the red hair and blue denim jacket caught my eye the most. i lowkey think i have a type for rappers. ALSO THE BOY LIKE RIGHT BELOW HIM WITH THE LIGHT BROWN HAIR, WHITE SHIRT, AND RED CARDIGAN!!! he's also super attractive adskjhf

[bluntz420x]

082223

Is old age catching up with you? i guess

Would you rather be hot or cold? cold. i can get warmer.

Can you sleep through thunderstorms? yes. sometimes i sleep deeper in a good rain.

What does it take to get you out of bed early (before 9 am)? there has to be a reason.

Ever spent the night in a tent? yes.

Is it ever okay for a woman to ask out a man? yeah dude, lol. if i didnt do that, i wouldnt have had more than half the relationships ive had.

Do people confide in you? yes. perhaps too much.

Ever been around someone who makes you feel stupid? sure. not in a while though.

How often do you use instant messenger? uh, on a computer, only when im working.

What do you call your grandparents? the only living one is gram. dedo and busia have passed.

What do you do when you have trouble falling asleep? read a book.

Have you ever cried while reading a book? LOL uh, i think so. i got choked up on the last one. the cat "dying" really made me sad.

How many college degrees do you want? none.

Where do you call home? the place where i live with my family.

Would you ever attend a black tie formal event? sure lol.

Do you like animals? mostly.

Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? yes. i used to write hella stories back in the day.

What do you wear to sleep? usually tee shirt and undies, but sometimes i wear some pajama pants, to avoid my legs sweating on each other and waking me up.

What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months? all this financial problem shit to be behind me.

How important is it for a significant other to be good with kids? its honestly not that important, but my husband already had a son coming into the relationship, so he needed to be a good dad otherwise i would have negatively judged him and we would not have been able to last nearly as long as we have lol.

Do you have anyone who is a surrogate parent/sibling to you? my cousin is more like my sister. i dont know anyone good enough to carry the mantle of surrogate parent. those people are usually transient in my life.

Ever fallen asleep sitting up? yeah lol. see the first question.

Can you snap your fingers? pretty soundlessly.

Can you wink? yes.

Do you wear a belt? nope.

Any jewelry in the room you’re in? probably lots, on humans.

What song explains how you feel about love? off the top of my head, i do not know.

Do you know how to play pool? What about foosball? i know how to do both, very vaguely, and if i happen to do well, i promise its a total fluke lol.

Have you ever finished reading an entire book in a day? yeah, maybe one time.

Ever known anyone who was a tomboy? yeah, me and my gang from 5th-7th grade lol.

What is something that begins with Z? Zebra. <- fair enough

What kind of person do you hope to be when you’re 35 years old? thats next year LOL. i like who i am now. i bet i will like who i am next year. might not be too different.

How many keys do you carry with you? one.

Have you ever been IN a wedding? yeah.

Does hardship make a person stronger? unfortunately yes.

What comes to mind when you think of pregnancy? ew. no thank you.

Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? yes.

What is your favorite brand of clothing? i dont follow brands.

Which do you value more, intellect or work ethic? i only care about someone's work ethic if i work with them. since i dont care to make more friends at my workplace, i value intellect.

Have you ever been covered in mud? probably not.

What U.S. cities have you not visited that you would like to visit? these cities arent special. if youve been to one, youve been to them all.

Which do you watch more, ESPN or MTV? MTV.

How well do you know the people you live with? very well.

Do you have any heroes? not really.

Ever been to a cabin on a mountain? yes. gorgeous. highly recommended.

Do you want to be married and have a family of your own later in life? i am married, i do not want my own babies, i met my stepson when he was 5. life has been fucking good to me, dude.

How hard is it for you to stay on task? LOL depends on the task.

Ever lost your voice? not really.

Do you take your time when making an important decision? i try to. its not always easy.

Could you handle being away from home for weeks at a time for your job? probably not.

Are you a cautious person? i try to be, but not too cautious.

Do you chew gum? not really.

Do you own any jerseys? nope.

Do you have a song stuck in your head? not currently.

Do you like your job? yeah its fine.

Is there anything worrying you right now? i guess im worried. more like just feeling negative about it, lol. worried implies idk how things are gonna turn out imo, and thats just not how i feel.

[sh4llow-heart]

Wakeful Sleep \\ updated

Its a never ending cycle

but its one ive grown to know

So darling when you left

made sure not do to it slow

like a bandaid, ripped me apart hastily

To ensure i felt the burn before the skin began to grow

And to reminisce ill pick at the healing scab, to remind myself of the glow my eyes once had.

The fire in me temporarily enflamed becoming nothing but ash and cinder

reality that the brightness in my eyes have just as hastily washed away.

All the good I've known has left me, always withering away

All the good I've known has left me

here i always am to stay

It has been all i've come to know, The sadness has acquainted itself with me well so darling dont look to worry when you go, Stress lines have never suited your face

All the good I've known has left me

Im still a terribly messed up case

Let the healing process begin as the scab begins to fade, and though its existence on my body has managed to disappear, the recurrence of you in my mind is one that reality shall never let stray

The scars that haunt closed eyelids as i stare behind them intently, are the ones that hurt the most

the intangible pain left in your wake

multiplying in the crevices of my mind, with all the other good things that whispered they'd stay.

And as the scar upon my body becomes faint with each passing day, The should be washed out embers of you will continue to emanate.

they haunt me

in the most lovely and aching of ways.

Though you truly believed you'd stay, for quite a while longer anyway.

I know you believed just as much as i did, that you'd be gone with what felt like a matter of days.

Our thoughts were always going in two entirely different ways

in your absence you were supposed to stay, to still remain

Now you’re cold

the warmth I offer serves no purpose

And I dare visit your remains?

Tear stained as if I hold no fault in where you now lay.

It'll be okay.

All the good ive known has left me and deep down i knew you'd do the same

i kept one eye on you, and one on the clicking stopwatch bearing your name

With hands tugging at the bandaid, wishing it was the good, the you, that would instead remain.

And at night my whole being begins to run with the consistency of fluid

painted images of you, with them my eyelids are full and overflowing

The thought of you

keeps me awake in the deepest of unconscious, the feeling so real of dreaming lucid

if i could turn back, regress and not progress

time would be a concept that I'd never again let go to rest

But anyway

i knew deep down you couldnt stay

Wishful thinking that you'd wait

for me to put myself together before you tore me apart again

I'll see you in my sleep

the only place we are both awake.

[asakurahaos]

whenever i complain about my sleep & the problems i have with it (and the problems i got from those problems), i get told to just fix my sleeping schedule.

and we always get into the same loop of:

you should set a normal sleeping schedule for yourself.

i cant maintain a regular sleeping schedule though.

but if you went to bed at the same time each night, you would.

ive tried, but i cant help when i fall asleep - sometimes i lay in my bed for an entire night and cant fall asleep.

oh, well then you mustve woken up late the previous day..

it happens sometimes even when i woke up at 2-3am that day or have been up for 24+hrs.

(triumphant) then it has to be the phone! all that light at night, i heard it messes with your sleep!

valid, but its not just my phone addiction, my brain sometimes refuses to shut up and has been like that long before even my parents had cell phones.

(visibly grasping at straws) you should set up alarms each day, youd settle into a rhythm in no time!

i :) can :) not :) maintain :) a :) regular :) sleeping :) schedule :)

And aside from my brain not shutting up, my phone addiction and losing any sense of time whenever someting catches my interest, its so frustratingly easy for my schedule to fuck itself up on its own.

sometimes i have nightmares which make it hard for me to rest if they dont wake me up or hard to fall back asleep if they do.

sometimes my sleep is so light that im not sure it even qualifies as sleep.

and sometimes, like now, it gets interrupted by an external factor and goes completely out of control. i stacked up a few weeks of decent sleep, and on friday i was woken up before i fully rested - mind you, i was already close to waking, i wouldve stayed in bed 20-30mins more at most - but i didnt get that time and since friday, ive had so many hrs of sleep that i could count them on the fingers of one hand and i would still have fingers left. im so tired rn but i still cant sleep. if anyone told me to 'just' fix my schedule rn id murder them on the spot.

[poolofthoughtsbyclaire]

03/31 ENTRY: tuning in

Last 2 days were hell! Ive been sleeping late, waking up late, barely moved, and cried my eyeballs out. It was so fucking stressful. I cant even remember what triggered my anxiety but yesterday was definitely because of my mother. I greeted her good morning like I usually do and even told her sorry for texting her late in the morning. I told her I didnt get enough sleep that night because I was up until 2am. She then asked if I was anxious because I dont have a job right now. And I told her no. Because that is the truth. I didnt sleep we not because I dont have a job but because of someone. OH NOW I REMEMBER! I had flashbacks the first night of my sleepless nights. I remembered the good things again and just like a strike of a lightning, memories of me hurting her, cheating on her and shouting at her came and drowned me. I hate it when I get flashbacks. So, I simply told her that the reason behind my sleeplessness is also the reason why I needed to resign and take a break. She jokingly added “Just go home then” and I just needed to be honest with her so I told her “Also the reason why I wont go home”. My hometown is full of memories, dark memories to be exact. And at times, I felt like its suffocating to be there. You’ll never know who you’ll bump into. GenSan is a small town and almost all of the population there knew each other and I dont want that. Especially seeing those people who worked with my mom. I dont like seeing their faces. I hate it when they talk so nicely to me but when I turn my back, they speak bad things about me and I just kept remembering that day when someone messaged my mom and just told every secret I had. Tattoos, drinking, smoking, kissing girlfriends. That anon even knew my tattoo placements. It was creepy and that messaged spread all across all branches of ****bank. I will never forget that.

My mom asked if I could share with her the reason and I know that she wouldnt understand so I just told her “When the time is right maybe I’ll be able to tell you.”. And she literally said that if I know that it would kill her then no. And that I should wait after her death like WHAT THE FUVK?! I hate her for saying that. And the emotions I felt just rushed through my veins and I my tears started to fell down my cheeks. I suddenly couldnt breathe. The thought that my own mother wouldnt even try to understand me fucking hurts like hell that it felt like she’s sucking the air out of my lungs killing me. IT MTHERFUVKING HURTS.

But someday, I hope that I’ll be able to tell her this:

“You know what keeps hurting me ma? Because I couldnt forgive myself. I cant find the light to forgive myself for what I have done. I feel miserable. I feel guilt. If I hadnt let myself be manipulated by you then maybe I wouldnt feel this way today. Maybe if I had just listened to my heart, maybe none of these traumas will be present today. I kept breaking up with her out of the blue telling her that I need to choose my family. And it didnt happened just once, I broke up with her hundred of times. Imagine the trauma I gave to her. Until the day that I became possessive of her. I cheated so I could get her attention, I cheated couple of times and most of time, she catches me red-handed. I started shouting at her mean things that I know scarred her for life. I broke her into pieces and every time we get back together, it isnt just the same anymore until we got toxic. And it was all because of me. If I hadnt let you get into my conscience none of these wouldve happened. We had flaws but we never meant to hurt each other. Dagdagan pa ng fact na, glg relationships back then were not yet open for everyone to understand so we had a hard time adjusting just not to hurt each other’s feelings. I kept on breaking up with her then get back to her for the reason “Im choosing my family.”. I know it’s supposed to do me good but look what happened? And I just couldnt help thinking if it went the other way around maybe we’re still happy together. Maybe I didnt had these much tattoos. Maybe I never tried smoking. Maybe I never got wasted. Maybe I didnt let some strangers touch/kiss me. Maybe I wouldnt be this empty. Maybe I/we wouldve been happier. Healthier even. And if our relationship back then never worked, maybe I wouldnt be the same person that I am today. Maybe Id be different today and I wouldnt be feeling all of these things right now. I’m sad ma. I really loved her and I couldnt believe and forgive myself for hurting her. And over the years that we werent together anymore, I just know that my connection to her never vanished. I can still feel my deep connection with her. I may have forgotten about her for a period of time but every piece of her in me is buried deep inside my heart without even me realizing it. I thought if I’ll be able to tell you this, I can slowly see the light to get out f this trap-hole. I wanted my inner self to let you know what you caused me and stop gaslighting me for being gay. There are just days you make me want to kill myself. But I accepted you for who you are. I accepted the fact that you’re homophobic. Im sorry if I disappointed you but Im disappointed with you too.”.”

Im so tired y’all. All these thoughts I carried with me through the years. I hope by letting it all out here in Tumblr will make difference.

[butterflies-and-bumble-bees]

Hey op,

My biggest struggles have always been getting to bed on time, getting up on time, reading/writing things in a timely manner, and remembering to do chores.

i have a system of timers on my phone to help remind me to start wrapping up any projects im working on in the evening so i don't get to caught up in them. I need to be in bed by 10:30pm on most work nights, and it takes me about a half hour to get ready so i have an alarm at 10 to let me onow to get ready for bed. then, backtrackingan hour, i have one at 9 to let me know i need finish up my project im working on, take my evening meds, have a snack and chill dor a bit. If im doing smthing i can easily put down like crochet or a simple drawing i might do it while im eating cause it's relaxing, and the whole point of this is to help get myself sleepy (so i actually sleep when i get in bed). I also have an 8pm alarm to let me know that i have an hour before i need to enter "relaxing mode", so i don't try to do something too involved, and i can get any crazy running around out of the way. It also serves as a reminder that i need to be getting home if im running errands in the evening.

To get up in the morning and ready for things i have a similar system of alarms i set the night before based on when i need to get up on the morning. Since i take absolutely forever to wake up, the first alarm is set for 15 min before i need to get out of bed. Then i have an alarm 5 min before I have to get up and another one when i need to get up. I also.have all of them labeled, cause i get very out of it when im sleepy and l loose track of which alarm im on. Then i have an alarm every ten minutes until i need to leave.

to help with reading and writing for school i started going to either the library or a coffee shop to do my work. During school breaks and now that ive graduated i would/am still doing so to get reading, writing and even sometimes drawing done

📚📝✍🖌

to help me remember chores, things i need to do, projects i want to work on etc. i have been using the app habitica to send me notifications on my phone to remind me. You can use the calendar app on your phone or set an alarm too, but since i was already using habitica to keep track of homework assignments and track habits (like how many times i managed to get to bed on time each week) i decided to use it for that stuff too.

last but certainly not least a few weeks ago now i started praying the Rosary in the car on the way to work with the help of a podcast. The morning commute happened to be a good spot for me to slip in a quick prayer session. Finding a time that fits into your day to pray is going to give you a much better chance at achieving the self control needed to overcome your hurdles

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Id also like to add that i still struggle with alot of stuff, including problems i am using these tools to address. Don't get stressed if you have a day or week or whatever where you struggle, accept it and move on. Dwelling on your rough patches can just lead to a negative feedback loop of feeling so stressed about failing that it gets harder to get back to where you need to be.

Hey, any ADHDers out there in Chrumblr land? I could use some advice.

I just got passed over for a church job I really wanted - nothing against me, there was just a better candidate.

When processing that and talking to the Lord about it, He told me "you need to get your house in order before you work in Mine."

And to be fair, executive dysfunction and my addictions have been hitting hard recently so that's totally accurate. Made me think of 1 Timothy 3 as well.

But anyway, question: what systems have worked well for those of you with ADHD to manage your symptoms, be productive, and not give in to easy dopamine hits like sugar and scrolling? (Especially without medication.) Have any of you had success at being transformed by the renewing of your minds when you can't seem to get your mind to calm down, ever?

Any advice or resources would be appreciated because I need to get things in order in my life.