#ive been sitting on these photos for days and its on the tip of my tongue and im going crazy

[feraltwinkseb]

October 13, 2018 -  Hockenheim, Germany  Source: dpa/Alamy Live News

[huellitaa]

hello hello huelittaa 👋✨ do u have any tips for someone struggling with motivation to workout? or even to take a simple walk? thank uu 🤍

bee's physical activity handbook: motive 🎀 . ݁₊ ⊹

hiiii ml!!!!!!!! 🫶🏻🩷💗 sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days BUT IM HERE NOW !!!!! honestly this is something i also struggle with myself ,, i am still recovering from depression personally so this is still difficult for me sometimes too but these are some things i do !!!! ♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. prepare urself for the possibility

so since i know i have this problem a lot, it helps me to be prepared for this in advance. i actually have a whole notion page filled with a table of letters to myself in specific situations i find myself in a lot, this included, and have a whole archived stored of cute photos and motivation and things like articles and videos and tumblr posts on the main page and in the letters that make me wanna get up and do shit and its my LIFESAVER. (should i make a post on this?)

but i'd suggest to keep a note or page or document , physical or digital, filled with just motivation for this specific thing, like things you like about it, photos romanticising working out or going outside, songs that motivate you, etc etc etc. the list goes on but you get the point ♡

🎀𓂃 ���˖ 2. detective chapter: analysis! ♡

figure out why you dont want to. this is the main thing that helps me and its so simple but once u figure out the root u figure out the rest and this applies just the same here too. is it laziness? mental health? exhaustion? overworking? burnout? you won't be able to continue until you haven't found the actual problem. it's like trying to travel with no path to travel on.

💭𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. pep talk!

one thing i do that helps me the most is literally just lay in bed or wherever you are where ur procrastinating and thinking about this over and over and going back and forth whether to do it or not is to force the thoughts out (literally. u can envision it if it helps!) and deadass bully myself into doing it 😭😭

(🗒🎀 note: i've also found it helps for some people to do this in the mirror, just so ur face to face w urself as it were. plus u get to admire urself at the same time so its a win all around)

if ur not into harsh motivation, another thing i love, esp when im not feeling great enough to deal w harsh motivation is pretend ur giving advice to a friend or ur child in this position. this is one of the greatest pieces of advice ive ever gotten i literally cannot stress this enough. do this‼️ p.s. you can do this in ur head or out loud. i usually do some mix of both because i am a professional at talking to myself constantly literally all the time

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. use gratitude in ur favour!

one thing i like to do is essentially guilt trip myself into doing it. erm. you can also call this gratitude it sounds a lot better. think of how grateful you are to even have the opportunity to go outside safely to go for a walk, to be able to work out and keep urself healthy, because there's always someone who's not going to be able to do those things. it is a privilege to live your life and this should be classed as one too.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. all about the outlook

another thing i love that falls into the category of motivation is treating it as an act of love and luxury rather than a chore and changing ur outlook on it. for example,

"oh, i have to do this or i'm a failure" or "i really don't want to do it today"

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ into...

"i deserve to do this for myself because i deserve to be taken care of and kept in good health."

and i find this makes me so much more open to it because you do deserve it.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. romanticism; obviously!

okayyyy i know you hear this EVERYWHERE but ‼️its‼️because‼️its true‼️ romanticism is my LIFE not a day goes by where i dont act like im a silly girl in a pink girly shoujo world, and i do this even more so when i dont wanna get up and do simple tasks like this.

some things that give me motivation via romanticism is getting dressed up and cute even if i'm just going for a walk and listening to music and appreciating the world (🗒🎀 note: i love taking pictures or going on different routes whenever i go for walks! it makes the experience so much sweeter and more enjoyable ♡), or putting on cute clothes, loud music and grabbing a pretty waterbottle and hyping myself up to do even just 10 mins of pilates because something is always better than nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 7. something is better than nothing

with the last note from my previous point in mind, try and always do just a little bit, even if it's not the amount you intended. say you wanted to workout for 20 minutes every day, but you really weren't feeling it today? do 10 instead. this way ur still doing something. we always have tomorrow. take it at ur own pace. you wanted to go running every day? just go for a walk. you can always try again. there is no limit on how many attempts you have with these things. this is always better than just doing nothing at all. this is basically finding the middle ground when you do these things. which leads me onto my final point ,,♡

✨️𓂃 ࣪˖ 8. finding the middle ground

the no.1 thing in all of this is please don't beat urself up for it if you don't feel like it sometimes, but still keep to it as best as possible. say for example you really didn't want to one day but you had no real reason not to, you should still do it. but if your emotional or physical health or anything like that is in a bad place right now, then allow urself to skip for a day or two. dont beat urself up over it, but keep to it when and where you can because i know its difficult sometimes ♡

all my love, and u got this!!!!!!!!!! 🩷🫶🏻💬💗🎀

[ryemackerel]

HALLO i was wondering how you get out of art block?? your art is very expressive and i absolutely adore all your colour choices and designs. ive been having trouble with art block for a very long time now so i’m just trying to ask other artists how they get outta it <3 i hope u have a niceday yesyes

OUGHH HELLO!!! holy crap, art block is the WORST. everytime i encounter it, its always hard to beat it D: theres days where i feel like i WANT to draw something so badly but my brain just. cant function

i dont have a definitive solution for art block, but whenever i do, i have a few ways to cope with it. sometimes they work, sometimes they dont? but whenever the time comes and im just sitting at a brick wall, i got some survival tips

1. come up with random silly ideas,, it could be anything: random words, phrases, scenarios. they can be as nonsensical as you want them to be. during art blocks, my mind is completely dry with ideas, so i always try to compile a list of ideas from the past so i can come back to them later on. i try to come up with random duos or something as simple as “mcdonalds date”. i might not work on these now, but maybe some random lil word can spark that creativity in me

heres my art ideas list… i have some ideas that are like 8 months old in there BGAHSGA, but i save em there till i feel like working on them

2. STRUGGLE DOODLES!! i like to make a bunch of doodles of random scenes that i think about in my head. doodle practically anything. your favorite person, favorite animal, something you see outside your window, frogs?

heres a few of mine. most of the time, i NEVER get to finishing them. however, during art blocks sometimes i like to go back to really old, incomplete guidelines and add some new, random addition to it. sometimes i forget what my sketches were exactly meant to be? and i guess thats the fun about interpreting stuff and giving things a new spin to them. during art blocks, i HATE trying to come up with new drawings from a blank canvas (since i dont even have any ideas to begin with). but working on old wips, or completely revising them? sometimes these can be super fun :]

[and bonus tip!! and this is like, a golden tip that everyone loves: going back to super old drawings and redrawing them!! its my favorite. i absolutely love seeing the improvement ive made over the years. its also pretty easy to work with since you dont have to stress about coming up with completely new ideas from a blank slate! GAHH i should do that more often.]

3. search up your favorite fanart, go on pinterest, anything. i love this one.

search up some really cool photos of outfits, aesthetic backgrounds?? i find myself searching up a lot of fanart of fandoms im in, any word with “aesthetic” at the end, casino aesthetic, anything! pinterest has always been my go-to platform to find ideas. i go on the app and not even a second in, im blown with all of this cool art n character designs. i have a problem saving almost everything i find into my boards, but at least i saved a chock-full of ideas i can work with. :)

a thing about me: ive never been the type to try and force my art block out. whenever im facing a block, its extremely difficult for me to come up with things on my own. sometimes i let it wait for a while, but that tends to take a REALLY long time. D: if i dont feel like drawing, or doodling, or really doing anything? i always like scrolling through really pretty photos. that tends to spark a small idea in me i can work with, and sometimes i manage to get out of art block from there. it starts out small, then over time it gets even better.

these photos especially gave me WAY more motivation than i ever had to draw wilbur during an art block moment. i started off making small random doodles of him in a neon city and over time it kinda turned into a fixation for neon cities. i LOVE imagining characters in random photos i find on pinterest.

wishing you the bestest in your art journey!! this crap’s tough but i know you can break it yo. thank you so much for the ask!

feel free to reblog and add your own ideas below :] i was only able to come up with a few, but if youd like to add on, go right ahead! /noforce

[modern-vellichor]

hey babes <3 was wondering if u could do a imagine where y/n is the only marauder left since all her friends died, she was close with all of them and questions herself why only she survived. remus dies she kinda like loses it and doesn’t know what to do.

IDK ITS LIKE SOMETHING ive been thinking abt for soo long 😭 u can add some other stuff to it to make it all make sense

hello- you have saved me. requests r the only thing keeping me going rn and I'm getting zero so please. this is for you!!!! I'm sorry this took so long :(

warnings: death, depression, grief, loss, mania (not really but idk another word for it), complicated grief.

Remus was the only thing you had left. He was the last thing that you had to cling onto. And now you had nothing.

When Sirius was sent away, you recovered. When Lily and James were murdered, you recovered. When Peter disappeared, you recovered. Maybe Remus being killed was the tipping point. It was just the thing thay finally pushed you over the edge. After years and years of heartache and remorse and guilt and grief, you finally lost it.

You locked yourself in your home and refused to leave. Your nieces and nephews would bring you heavy old spell books that they bought and whimsical ingredients for potions, bribes to coax you out of your home. The inside was messy, every flat surface was covered with stacks of books, floor to ceiling. The shelves were so full they were on the brink of collapse.

This was your life now. An endless cycle of "Why couldn't it have been me?" and drinking and shitty daytime TV.

For years you kept yourself away from society, hidden in your home. Sometimes you would see them when you passed by the mirrors, grief finally getting the best of you. They would say things like "Why didn't you save me?" and "You're a coward! You could have saved us!" But not Remus, no. He never said anything, he just smiled sympathetically. Sometimes a large brown dog would come visit you, he would sit outside your front door or lie at your feet or bark for little pieces of left over dinner when you laughed out a "speak, boy!"

Maybe it was Remus.

Eventually it got to the point where you covered all your mirrors with raggedy old sheets, they couldn't scream at you if they couldn't see you.

One day, a knock on your door echoed through the house. You assumed it was the dog, who you had affectionately named Moony. You skipped down the stairs and threw open the door. But instead of being faced with a shaggy brown dog, you were faced with a young man. A young man with messy black hair and brilliant green eyes.

"Hi," he breathed, and you were speechless. He held out an old yellowing photo of you, James, Sirius and Remus. "I think you knew my dad."

[tempestaurora]

in another time, a gladiator stucky au by @tempestaurora​

image IDs under the cut

IMAGE ID:

FIRST IMAGE: 

i.

 Sunlight dappled across the stone floor, casting cool, dancing shadows in the summer heat. Bucky yawned and stretched, flexing his toes into the sunspots and smiling from the warmth. He watched the newest boy to the school, a scrawny thing called Steve, stand alone in the courtyard.

He tipped his head to the side and called out, “New boy! Over here!”

Steve had straw blonde hair and eyes like the Aegean Sea. He seemed hesitant for a moment before heading over. When he arrived, he looked at Bucky like he might bite, but after sitting, he simply melted into the sunspot Bucky had found.

“You’re pretty small,” Bucky observed. “Your family sell you?”

“What? No, they didn’t.” Steve’s eyebrows furrowed; he seemed insulted by the mere notion. “Your family sell you?”

Bucky shrugged. “Indentured, actually,” he replied. “But they’re practically the same thing. Why are you here, then? You have dreams of being a gladiator?”

Steve scoffed. “No. I don’t. But it was either this or live on the streets.” He paused, twisting his fingers into his tunic. “My mater died, recently. She was all I had.”

Bucky stilled. “Oh,” he said. “Perhaps she is better off now; perhaps she is in the Land of Joy.”

Steve nodded, barely. “There are few places better than the underworld, these days.”

SECOND IMAGE:

ii.

Steve may have been small, but he was fast. He twisted and turned in combat, picked up the skills with ease, and learnt to use his size to his advantage. If he got hit, he was down, so Steve learned to avoid the punches thrown his way.

They trained year-round, through summer heat and winter snow, and soon they grew. Everything Steve learned about being small and fast was discarded when he hit his growth spurt at fourteen, suddenly taller than half his class and finally able to make the attacks, not simply dodge them. He watched Bucky often; the two of them nigh inseparable since his arrival at the school. Bucky was not a golden student, but he was a golden boy; his eyes were like Jupiter’s sky and his hair grew thick and dark in a shaggy mess.

There were few things Steve found himself caring about more than the only boy in all of Italia who knew him, inside and out.

[Beneath is a photo of  the ruins of a temple of Saturn, backlit by the sun. It is ethereal and quiet-looking, with green fields interspersed with crumbled architecture.]

THIRD IMAGE: 

iii.

 They had climbed up onto the roof of the gymnasium to gaze at the sweep of stars painted high above their town.

“Do you think you’ll be up there one day?” Steve whispered in the dark.

“In the sky?”

“The stars,” Steve clarified. “All the great heroes are immortalised in the stars.”

Bucky shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll be a hero – there’s not a drop of godly blood in me. What about you?”

“I don’t want to be a hero,” Steve replied. “I just want to travel; to see all of Italia and beyond. Pompeii and Corinth – maybe even see the Oracle of Delphi, one day.”

Bucky smiled. “I’d like that. I don’t want to be fighting forever.”

“Come with me,” Steve said. “We could go anywhere. We could go everywhere.”

Bucky stared at Steve under the star-lit sky and smiled.

FOURTH IMAGE:

iv.

                                        When they were eighteen, they moved to Rome. The Ludus Magnus gladiator school sat in spitting distance of the coliseum, and this was where they trained. They had long been learning their preferred style of combat – Steve, after shooting up and broadening, fought as a Thracian, with his broad-rimmed helmet, small rounded shield and curved sword. His only armour consisted of thigh-length grieves, while Bucky was granted a chest plate and greaves as a Dimachaerus, dual-wielding two swords.

They fought regularly in practice, but never in the ring drawn into the sand in front of an audience. There was a palpable fear Steve felt at making Bucky bleed. Some nights, he whispered prayers to whatever god might deign to listen – perhaps Mars, for war, or Venus, for love – and pleaded with them to never pit him against Bucky.

[On the right hand side is a close-up of a temple’s columns, with sunlight poking between.]

FIFTH IMAGE: 

v.

 Bucky knew Steve was watching from beyond the Gate of Life as he stepped into the ring for his first gladiatorial combat in the arena. Steve had already won his earlier that day in front of roaring crowds and amused royalty in the Emperor’s box.

Now it was Bucky’s turn, and he twisted his swords in his fingers, facing down his opponent across the ring. Bucky knew their job was to fight – fight and possibly even die – but he also knew his job was to give them all a show.

And Bucky was nothing if not a showman.

In the end, blood stained the sand a vivid red, but Bucky strode towards the Gate of Life, triumphant.

SIXTH IMAGE:

vi.

 There were always popular gladiators, and Steve didn’t know how to react, finding himself to be one of them. Women lined up outside the bathhouses he frequented; shared rumours that dipping their hairpins in his blood might bring them love, that his sweat would work as an aphrodisiac.

“I can see their point,” Bucky whispered one night, his mouth ravenous against Steve’s after a long day of training. Their bodies were always animalistic in these moments, whilst the school was empty and the others were out drinking the night away. They took everything they could get from each other; swallowed each sensation whole.

Steve never wanted these moments to end. He would throw all the glory and money away for more time with Bucky, for more nights like this.

SEVENTH IMAGE: 

vii.

 After amphitheatre fights, admirers and buyers alike would flock to the school where the gladiators lounged on cushions and benches, drinking wine and eating expensive foods. These were the nights Bucky enjoyed the most. No one was allowed to approach unless beckoned by a gladiator, and Bucky would often spend time toying with the admirers, allowing one or two over before sending them away again. Eventually, after the show, he’d slip away into the sleeping quarters or empty storage cupboard, and find Steve waiting there for him.

There was a miles-long list of things Bucky loved about Steve’s body, but number one on the list was how it fit against his own in the dark.

[Cut into the left side is a photo of the Coliseum in Rome.]

EIGHTH IMAGE:

viii.

 A few days before the festival, culminating in three days of games at the coliseum, their master told Steve and Bucky that they were scheduled to fight.

“It’ll be fine,” they told each other in the dark. “The fights rarely end in death. We’re not fighting to kill. We’re fighting to entertain.”

“We’re performers,” Bucky would say. “We’re just there to give them a good time.”

“Don’t act like no one ever dies,” Steve would reply, each and every time. “Don’t act like we haven’t killed our opponents before.” Sometimes, friends would enter the ring with them and never leave it. Sometimes, the audience called for their deaths.

It was blood lust, through and through. The men caught hold of that first splash of red and couldn’t let it go; they had to see more, they had to see death in all its forms. The gladiator could’ve fought bravely, wonderfully, and they might still end up slumped in the sand afterwards.

“Soon,” they would say, “we’ll retire and leave this for good. Soon, we’ll travel the world, like we always planned.” They would whisper lies and truths to each other, desperately tangling them together until they couldn’t tell them apart.

NINTH IMAGE:

ix.

 On the day of the fight, Steve stepped into the ring opposite Bucky and breathed in the cheering crowd; the hot, midday sun. They had kissed in the shadow of the underground corridors, and now faced each other, weapons raised, poised for battle.

It was bloody from the get-go; they were entertainers after all, and the audience was only entertained when they saw the streak of blood dampening the sand. They twisted and turned as if they were dancing, as if there was music playing and this was them, centre stage, having the time of their lives rather than anxiously hoping their blades wouldn’t cut too deep, that the bruises would soon heal.

And then Steve’s sword slashed too harshly at Bucky’s side and he faltered, hissing.

“Bucky—” Steve said, not moving in on the advantage, not moving at all.

Bucky straightened, removing his hand from his side, darkly red. “What are you doing?” Bucky asked, before raising his swords once more. “Fight me.”

“Bucky—”

“Fight me,” Bucky hissed, slamming his swords forward. Steve barely had time to raise his shield. He couldn’t stop staring at the thick blood leaking from Bucky’s ribs.

“No—”

“Steve—”

“No.”

Steve stepped back, feet almost at the ring’s edge. He dropped his shield, his sword to the sand. He held his arms out, palms towards Bucky, and said, “I won’t fight you, Bucky. Not ever again.”

So Bucky took the win, and the crowds jeered at Steve, and the Emperor held his thumb outstretched, unamused by the champion’s surrender.

“You won’t fight me,” Bucky spat, “but you’ll make me kill you instead?”

[Cut into the right hand side is an edited shot of the movie Gladiator; two gladiators rush towards each other to battle, with the crowds filling the stands. Much of the image is in shadow, with streaks of sunlight pouring down from the left side.]

TENTH IMAGE:

x.

 The sand was hot beneath Bucky’s feet; no lazy afternoon shadows in the centre of the amphitheatre. In front of him, Steve knelt facing away, his head tipped low to bare the spot at the top of his spine, all smooth skin tanned and unblemished.

The crowds roared around them and Bucky lifted his sword, pressing the tip at the base of Steve’s neck.

Steve flinched and said, just barely loud enough for Bucky to hear: “Perhaps I’ll go to Elysium… I hear there are few places better to be than the underworld, these days.”

But Bucky knew Steve would not go to Elysium. He was a warrior, but he was not dying righteously, not for fighting well. He was dying for surrendering, for caring about Bucky more than himself.

And Bucky—well he cared for Steve more than himself, too. They were the same that way. They always had been.

So Bucky stepped back, lowering his sword in his hand. He looked up to the Emperor, shadowed in his private box, and shook his head.  

“I won’t kill you, Steve,” he said, and Steve looked around in surprise, like it was really all that out of character. He held out a hand and pulled Steve to his feet, ignoring the roaring of the crowd, the anger that came from mercy.

“They’ll come for us,” Steve said, eyes wary. “They’ll kill us both.”

With one hand, Bucky cupped Steve’s cheek, thumb against his cheekbone, and with the other, he lifted the sword and twisted it. “Let them try,” he said. “But we have plans to travel the world. We’ve got no time for dying, Steve.”

And in the summer heat, they ran for the Gate of Life.

ELEVENTH IMAGE:

[A close up of two marble statues kissing.]

[END OF IMAGE ID]

[franeridart]

Anon said: Ahh I really love your art, especially the way you present your story telling in the comics!! I smile every time I see them on my timeline haha thanks for making my (and likely many others) day! Wishing you all the best!!

Thank you so much!!!!! Especially glad to hear you think my comics’ storytelling works ;O; it means a lot!

Anon said: your satosugu arts give me life omg it's so beautiful and i love how smitten gojou is in all of them😭❤️ thank you for giving us pleasant escape from the disaster that is canon

AH GOSH thank you!!! Gojo lives all his feelings to the fullest doesn’t he! He’s a lot of fun to think about as happy and in love, he gives of the feeling of a warm hug to me ;; back in high school Geto was more reserved with his feelings, but I think he’d show it in his own very soft ways.....ahhhhh man, I love them ;;

Anon said: Your Satosugu is giving me life and also the fluff i need because HOLY SHIT THOSE CHAPTERS ;-;

I KNOW gege really looked at the old gen and went “enough with these dudes” huh lmao but I’m excited to see how everything is gonna turn out from now on! Esp since having been abandoned by the elders the protags are gonna have at the same time more options and less wiggle room.......... interesting!! Can’t wait!

Anon said: hey hey hey i just found your acc and i'm so invested in it already GDJSKALA I LOVE YOUR ART as a beginner like can't draw a circle beginner i truly admire your work also do you have any tips on what i should do to improve my art? because i'm on the brink of giving up istg cause my progress is just none there's no progress idk what to do like pls help me HAHAHHAHA idk what to watch how to practice what to do nothing absolutely nothing but i'm trying my best to hang on cause whenever i keep seeing artists like you it just makes me hang on and be like just keep going but even though i say that i'm going nowhere still so pls help... - 🍄

Ah man, I’m glad I can make you feel like keeping trying!! I answered an ask like this a while back here and I can’t say I have anything new to say on the matter? I hope it’ll help you! In the end the biggest suggestion I can give you is to try to figure out what it is that you want to draw and just draw it! Even if you don’t know how to, just draw it the way you can! As long as the act of drawing itself makes you happy more than the final result you’ll keep up with it and the improvement will come for sure! 

Anon said: your art always brightens my day. thank you for sharing it!

Thank you for liking it!!! ;;O;;

Anon said: Idk anything about jujutsu kaisen (I hope I write it well), but seeing your fanarts tempts me to start watching it 😍😍😍

I hope you’ll like it if you do try it!!!!! It’s not a story for everyone, but it is a great story for its own genre! And the studio animating it is doing a wonderful job of making it a work of art too TT0TT

Anon said: Hi! Don’t mean to bother but I wanted to let you know that the user yslkeii on tik tok has reposted some of your art. It’s the “some of my favorite dilfs” video, I think the thumbnail is a photo of Levi Ackerman. She knows that none of the artists in the vid allow reposts but won’t take it down so I figured I’d let them know

Thanks for letting me know! Sadly, I have literally no clue how to act on this for tik tok orz if they could at least credit................ I’m not even too opposted to having my stuff used in videos if there’s credit...................................sigh

Anon said: Hello, I was wondering if I could use some of your old mha art as a reference? I won’t post it anywhere, or trace your work I promise!

Sure you can!! If you don’t mean to post it you don’t even need to ask for permission! Just, you know, my stuff is full of mistakes everywhere so don’t take it too much as a good source for proper anatomy reference and stuff like that!

Anon said: a thought i've been sitting on, having not seen it, that is sending me. gojo/geto color pallet swap

You know, I did see that a while back! White-haired Geto and black-haired Gojo, it was stunning! Didn’t look much like themselves though, Gojo especially hahaha the white hair is really distinctive of him, isn’t it? With it black he kinda looks like first-year!Yuuta with sunglasses hahaha

Anon said: Hey! How you doing? So, i wanted to ask you if I could use one of your Kamijirou's fanarts in my Twitter edit, with credits of course! I hope you get mad with this shitty ask, i totally understand if you don't let me use, is your right ♡

I’d prefer it if you didn’t, sorry!!

Anon said: huhghhuhfjfjd i was scrolling thru your art and i hit a todokiribaku thing you made for a friend an d honestly that's all ive ever needed in life. your friend's taste is impeccable *sobs*

She does doesn’t she!! That’s still one golden ot3, I doubt that’s gonna change any time soon

Anon said: sfdghffgdgd gojo has the right idea. they should just make out

They should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish they had!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said: i've been looking at your art for months and i //just// realized you've started drawing noses from different angles *facepalm*

I’m trying my best!! It’s one of the things that limited my style the most AND one of the most difficult things for me to tackle, so I’m giving it a shot but still, you know, expect them to stay inconsistent for a while haha

Anon said: so five ish years ago i followed you for haikyuu, then got into bnha through your art and now im very tempted to watch jujutsu kaisen because of you as well

ANON!!!!!! I’m so glad and happy you kept me company this long and through this many fandoms!!!! TTATT if you do try jjk I hope you’ll like it! And if you don’t and decide to leave that’s okay too, I’m just really grateful you stuck around this long already!!! ;;A;; <3<3

[heli0s-writes]

IV. The First Taste*

Summary: NSFW Chapter. Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader A/N: Modern AU, Teacher reader, Dad/Baker Steve… lots of pining, slow burn, romance. Enjoy!

Slow Like Honey Masterpost

Since you kissed Steve Rogers in your classroom on that Thursday afternoon, you’ve kissed him again and again after each meeting. It’s been precisely two more lunch dates, one more dinner date, and one long walk in the park on his day off before he was suddenly called in for an emergency pastry situation. That’s five kisses. Five dates. Five moments you lie in bed and think about while trying desperately not to scream.

You scold yourself every time because a part of you is embarrassed that you’re so—thirsty! But good God, the man is a tall glass of water you want to drown in. It’s been two stupid years since you’ve kissed anyone, and when you’re in bed at night, you hope that it’s not your lack of practice that’s been keeping him from moving forward.

You can’t be that bad, right? … Right?

But it’s always you who initiates, and Steve always keeps it short and sweet. Once, you felt the slightest flick of his tongue against your bottom lip, but then as quickly as he’d done it, he pulled away.

Grumbling, you press your pillow over your face and punch it a couple of times before settling back down into bed. You peer at the back of your hand in the darkness of your room and contemplate on trying it just like you used to when you were a kid. God, this feels stupid.

Tomorrow, you’ll just ask. Because you’re both adults and because he was your… boyfriend. You smother yourself with the pillow again, because that was an even more mortifying thought than making out with your own hand.

 In the morning you go for a jog and make yourself a quick protein and fruit shake breakfast afterward. Then you head to the pool for about an hour before coming back home. Everything is quiet, and the world is peaceful, now that you don’t have the lives of twenty-five children hovering over your every waking moment. You shower and lie down on the couch before turning on a baking show. Looking around, you survey your apartment. It is so damn barren and cream-colored. You’re not strong nor brave enough to go get a bunch of furniture by yourself and start arranging.

Sighing, you settle on an easier task: maybe today you’ll go buy some houseplants.

Steve texts you a picture of a cheesecake around noon as you’re spraying water into the soil of two new succulents and a hanging fern. You show him your fern, placing your hand next to it for size reference. The messages between you are short and brief, since you see each other pretty often.

Summer break unravels you a little bit, but you’ll be damned if you let your new (very adult) boyfriend know. You play video games and browse the internet with a bottle of wine on the weekends, and your summer is just a giant weekend. It’s almost troubling, really, because every summer you have to either find a new hobby to keep yourself entertained.

Last year you took up rock-climbing and baked a lot… but with Steve around, that just seemed like a good way to get laughed at. And of course, the summer before that one was spent moving out of your ex’s apartment and trying to keep your head above water. You shudder at the thought. If it wasn’t for the very fortuitous call back from your current workplace, you would have probably had to move back home or continued spiraling into credit-card debt.

You text Steve, asking him to suggest a new hobby to you.

Right away, he responds and recommends that you join his watercolor session at the bakery:

I’m teaching a two-hour workshop Sunday after we close. The sign up sheet is already full but… it helps knowing the teacher personally doesn’t it? I do a ceramics one in the winter, too!

You blink.

Steve… I can only draw if I invoke the spirit of Other Steve from Blue’s Clues.

Oh perfect, now he’s calling.

“Yes?” You answer. His laughter is ringing on the other line.

“Hey! Blue’s Clues is an excellent show! And, I gotta admit, that guy can really draw.”

You huff and sputter at him, “Stop messin’ with me. Last year I baked a lot but now that you’re here… I really need a new hobby- a doable hobby!”

He chuckles again before his voice grows quieter. Bossa nova plays in the background, and the coffee grinder is buzzing intensely. “Oh honey,” He whispers, and you’re nearly gasping at the way his voice sounds—low, deliberate—like he knows exactly what he’s doing.

“Come to the workshop, won’t ya? It’s just a beginner’s thing. I think you’ll really like it. For me?”

The quick-draw refusal you were so sure you could unholster on time is nowhere to be found, not with him asking you so sweetly like that. You grouse jokingly and accept, warning him that if he laughs at your unskilled hand, you’ll never take his advice again.

“Me? Laugh at you? Never, sweetheart. I can’t believe you would think that of me.”

“Oh hush, Steven.”

A puff of air escapes him and everything grows quiet. Steve mutters something you can’t quite make out, and then, even louder than before, the coffee grinder screeches. “Everything okay?” You ask, worried.

“Yeah. Um, yeah. Everything’s good.”

You’re suddenly reminded of the way he pulls away after a good night kiss and reach to unholster that gun.

“Hey—uh wha—why do you--- um.” What the hell is the right way to ask this question? Why have our tongues not fought for dominance? Why haven’t both my hands gotten lost in the front of your button-up shirt? Why have you not pressed your hard, broad chest against me?

Maybe you’ve been reading too much Cosmo or Buzzfeed Relationships in your quest to find the right answers.

“Huh?” Steve asks. “What’s that?”

You holster the gun.

“Nothing! Ha! I’ll see you Sunday!”

“Okay, hon… See you then. Don’t be nervous! It’ll be great!”

 You squeeze your eyes shut as you place your phone on the coffee table. Crisis averted. Then, you search for basic video tutorials on watercolors as well as tips for beginning artists on your phone before casting it to the T.V. It’s entirely baffling and when you pick up a pencil and try to draw your new succulent on a nearby notepad, the voice coming through the speaker sternly states that you should “make marks deliberately-- not fiddling about with sketchy, hairy lines like a fuzzy caterpillar!”

What you’ve been working on looks exactly like a fuzzy caterpillar, and your cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

So you try again, erasing furiously before attempting those “deliberate” lines. After nearly fifteen minutes, you sit back and peer at your creations.

“Jesus.”

Your smooth, plump, glossy plant looks like one of those inflatable tubes outside of an auto dealership in the middle of deflating.

You feel deflated, too.

Over your dinner table is a corkboard of photos and postcards, and you walk over to snag Steve’s thank you card from its place in the corner. You study his technique and peer at the delicate forest green line of each stem- just a single, continuous stroke. The petals seem to be merely blobs of color if you’re looking closely, and where the flowers touch, sometimes the pigments bleed over each other.

No, it’s not a perfect thing. But it is gorgeous, still.

So, you try… again. This time, you tear off the deflated succulent drawing and place it on your coffee table in the left corner. Just for good luck, you chant “Steve, Steve, Steve!” as if he’s Beetlejuice, and get to work. Half your brain is thinking of the striped green shirt and oversized crayon, and the other half is thinking of a striped blue shirt and oversized pecs. Either way, both of them could art.

You’ve drawn all year for your students- especially your ESL kids who struggled with codeswitching. Sometimes, when they were unable to find the right word, or you were, you’d draw a picture instead. According to twenty-five first graders, you were an amazing artist, so… what the hell!

Ten minutes later, you tear off the top of the notepad and set it down next to its brother.

The two are stark differences, and your second one is little bit better. You’re almost proud of it—smooth flowing lines, rounded edges, and even a flat plane of the table to ground the pot.

Sitting back, you click around some more, making sure to choose videos that are most helpful to your current ability. Those speed-up painting videos were hella tempting, but you do not want to get lost in the rabbit hole.

Sunday is two days away. At the very least, you were going to be able to draw a damn good succulent.

---

You come in early to help him close before the workshop begins. Cap&Co. closes on Sundays right at six, and the workshop would start half an hour later.

The baristas say hello to you and smile, and you do the same back before you grab a rag and spray a counter down. The leftover pastries and sandwiches are placed on a tray and put in the middle of the room, where the tables and chairs have been pushed together by Steve.

“Snacks!” He smiles, “For the students.”

“Does that make me your student too?” You tease, finding the situation a bit ironic.

He winks at you before hanging up his apron. Between the four of you and the work that’s left, it’s quickly finished in the next ten minutes and the employees leave, wishing you a good night as they go.

Steve lets you choose the music for the night as he brightens the lights, and you randomly scroll through the shop’s selection before picking an old album you used to like as a younger girl—Fiona Apple’s 1996 Tidal. Right away, the singer’s brassy voice catches his attention.

“Who is this?” He asks excitedly, “I think I heard her on the radio the other day!”

You tell him, and he nods along to the music as he sets out sheets of watercolor paper clipped neatly on boards. Then he lays out five travel-sized round palettes already filled with an array of colors. By the time all the paintbrushes are next to each clipboard, people are starting to arrive and Steve is back and forth saying hello and giving hugs. You finish the end of the preparation and fill up heavy mason jars with water and set them at each spot. Then, you take your seat with a cake pop and eagerly and watch him lead the demonstration.

“Thanks for coming, everyone!” He smiles widely at the end of the table. “Good to see some of you again!”

 This must be what your students feel like, you think—you hope, because you are absolutely enthralled with everything that pours from his mouth. Even the way he stumbles over his words fascinates you, and the fact that he is so animated and engaged makes you love it even more.

Steve tells the group that he’ll demonstrate for about twenty-five minutes before everyone can start either trying out various techniques, or if they’ve done it before, can begin on painting whatever they please and he’ll come around to offer help. He suggests the plants for a nice still life, or other knick-knacks around the shop. Some returning students have even brought their own objects and you want to pinch yourself because you could have brought your succulent!

Then, he begins, showing you the right way to load the paintbrush with paint and water, and how water tension is so important to the medium. He shows you the difference between a wet brush and a dry brush. He shows you how to layer the colors. Your brain can hardly keep up with your eyes as they enthusiastically soak up the colors over his paper and the way his wrist moves easily back and forth from the mason jar where he cleans the bristles, to the palette saturated with pigment, to the paper where strokes are being placed.

“Here is a quick and easy way to make a flower.”

Steve loads a fat brush with water and pulls two shades of orange onto the white of the palette. In one swift motion, he streaks a daub of it onto the paper, letting the water gather more heavily on one side.

“We’ll let that dry for just a second— but we can do this for now.” He presses the tip of the brush into a tiny bit of red and makes another mark similar to the first one. The edges of the paint that touches leaks into each other, creating a tiny blossom of red into the first petal.

“This is what will happen when your paint is still wet—but that’s okay!” He makes two more petals—slightly more yellow than the last and touches his finger to the one with the accidental red bloom.

“It’s pretty dry now.” He blows softly on it for good measure and mixes a rosy coral shade into his brush.

The last petal is swept over the first, and the overlapping area where they touch turns into a vibrant shade of ripe orange. Then, quickly, he sticks the wood handle of the brush sideways between his teeth and picks up a smaller brush, wetting it, loading it with a deep purple that’s almost black, and makes a spray of dots in the middle.

“There ya go!” He takes the brush out of his mouth.

A part of you thinks that you are fucked because you may have just fallen in some deep shit here, as you stare at him, grinning widely—so proud of himself and somehow proud of you, too, for listening.

He’s made it seem impossibly easy. An absurdly beautiful blossom from his imagination stares at you from the watercolor pad in his hand as you shakily pick up the brush next to your hand.

“Well… shit, Steve.” You whisper before breaking out into a silly laugh and putting your forehead into your palm at the thought of the herculean task at hand. The woman to your right laughs along with you as she makes scribbly marks and drips globules of blue water onto her paper. Steve beams at you lovingly as you try to imitate the way he made the first petal, steering the water where you want it to go.

It doesn’t.

But you’re determined, damn it. Because one, you really want to impress him, and two, you really need a summer hobby.

The next hour flies by as you paint diligently, occasionally humming along to Fiona Apple’s resonant vocals in the background, chatting with the other painters. They’re all regulars at Cap&Co., and they adore the Rogers family.

Steve circles the room and answers questions, giving pointers, and sometimes putting his hand over yours to lead your paintbrush. He even kisses you on the top of your head when you finish your first flower—a lavender five-petaled ...cephalopod.

The affectionate gesture doesn’t go unnoticed by the others as they smile and quietly ask him questions when they think you’re not listening. Your ears go hot the rest of the night—just as hot as the top of your head because Steve!

Before you know it, it’s time to pack up. The album has already repeated, and it’s back to an early track. No one seems to mind, however, as they take their papers and wave goodbye. You linger in the area, pouring out dirty water and putting the jars back under the sink. Steve puts away the paints, fixes the rest of the tables, and you return to the café area to join him. He’s patting his thighs with his wet hands when you come in, nodding along to the music.

You gaze at the damp spots on his legs, the fabric of his trousers slightly clinging onto his muscles. Quickly, before he sees you, you look away.

“This exact song was on in the car.” He mutters amusedly, “I really like this… she’s got a great voice.”

Steve walks closer to you, stopping a few steps away and leans against the edge of a wooden booth. He crosses his arms and press his lips together, eyelashes fluttering as he smiles.

“What now?” He asks. His voice echoes the same low and deliberate tone you’ve heard before, and you think that the question isn’t really a question at all. But you’re not really sure what to make of it—tonight may have been the most forward he’s ever been.

The lights are dimmed. The piano melody crescendos before the song ends. There’s a pause of silence before the next song begins, and you feel your heart leap as the first few words start.

I lie in an early bed, thinking late thoughts.

“Um…” Your voice cracks.

I do not struggle in your web because it was my aim to get caught. But daddy long-legs, I feel that I’m finally growing weary of waiting to be consumed by you.

Steve cocks his head to the side, also listening—to the music, perhaps to your now uncomfortably loud heartbeat. You run your hand through your hair. The music chimes into a more upbeat tone as the chorus starts.

Give me the first taste. Let it begin. Heaven cannot wait forever.

“Why don’t you ever kiss me first?”

His eyebrows raise briefly before he blinks a couple of times. You tilt your chin to your chest and lace your fingers together, foot tapping anxiously as you stand in wait. “I mean, I think I’m just a little confused. We’ve seen each other for like, two weeks now. I feel like it’s always me who initiates—but tonight you did a little bit more of that. And… I guess we’ve only kissed—Am I bad kisser? Steve? Am I?”

You’re full of rambling, nervous energy but you try your best to play it off. It was such an awkward thing to say out loud, and there was no way you could come out and spit: Why have we not had sex yet?

Steve surges forward and takes your hand in his, “No!” His head his shaking wildly, “You’re a great kisser! The best!”

His blabbering catches you off-guard and the snort of laughter that comes from you is anything but attractive. “Jesus, Steven, that’s too much.”

Steve slaps his palm to his forehead. “Ah… I’m sorry. I think I’m just nervous.”

“About what?” You ask, leaning forward and looking up at him, “Steve, I just… snorted. You can’t be nervous about this. I should be the one who’s nervous! Look at you!”

He takes a step back and puts one hand on his hip, the other reaching forward to signal to you. “Look at me? Look at you!” He gawks.

The two of you stand there, pointing at each other, making scoffing noises of disbelief for a good two minutes before you put up your hand. “Okay. Pause, mister. You look like someone Photoshopped a rugged Ken Doll and then 3-D printed it. Westworld-style. You bake, you paint, you’re a ceramic---ist? Ceramicist? What! Steve!” You throw your hands up in exasperation, “Come on! Your fuckin’ arms!”

He rolls his eyes, “I’m thirty-five and divorced. I sleep four hours a night. I’m a walking disaster.” Then he narrows his eyes at you.

“You’re gorgeous! You’re funny, you’re kind, you’re so sweet…! You’re honest?” He ticks off each adjective using his fingers, “You’re patient? God, Sarah throws half a tantrum and my world collapses. You’re dedicated. You’re---“

“Okay. Stop.” You mutter, cheeks burning hot, “I sleep on the couch next to a bottle of wine and have three pieces of furniture. We’re both disasters.”

Steve laughs and steps forward again, putting his hand over yours. “I just… didn’t want to mess anything up.” He whispers, “I like you so much… and… if we’re… talking about that. I haven’t… been with anyone in … two years. Other than you, I’ve only kissed one person my entire life… So, the question is—am I a bad kisser?”

You giggle as he gives you an apologetic smirk, shaking his head at the way you two have been aggressively complimenting each other. Standing on your tiptoes, you move to nuzzle your nose against his. “You’re a great kisser, Steve. The best.”

Darkness flutters over his eyes briefly before Steve expertly dodges your nose and catches your mouth with his instead. With a half-whimper, half-moan, Steve Rogers grabs the back of your neck in one large, warm hand and your lower back with the other and presses your body flush against his.

Oh.

He’s so tall he has to bend over and you’re so small against him that he’s nearly picking you up. A brief parting of your lips give you a moment to catch your breath, but he’s back again, tongue sliding against yours sweetly, as if asking a silent question.

Is this okay?

With a sigh of pleasure, you ask him to continue in the same, secret language. Your chest his burning hot, tummy quivering with nerves and delight as his hands roam your body. Firm. Strong. Almost desperate. Your own hands rest against his chest before one reaches up and cups his face, trailing your fingertips through his beard.

“D-does it bother you?” He mutters against your mouth before he slides down past your jaw and lands his lips on your neck, “My beard?”

“Mmm—no—” you’re breathless as he kneads his fingers into your waist, moving up to position them just below your breasts, “I like it—mmm-- lots.” You sigh, as his scruff tickles your shoulder, sending tingles all over your body. “I’d like to feel it… elsewhere, too.”

He freezes and pulls away. His hands place you back down on your feet-- back to Earth-- as he swallows hard, looking at you with open, red lips. Steve rolls the bottom one between his teeth and clenches his jaw, eyes half-lidded and lustful. You’re probably a wreck, too, you think as you catch yourself against a table.

“Can we---”

You cut him off. Your purse is already in your hands, keys swinging around your finger.

“God. Yes. I’ll follow you.”

 Steve tugs you from the driver’s seat of your car, hand entwined with yours as he leads you up the walkway and over the step. Once the front door shuts behind him and he’s made sure it’s locked, you’re pressed up against the wall, purse, shoes, keys, clattering onto the hardwood.

“Oh, honey,” he mumbles as he presses his face into your collar, scooping you up into his arms. “Oh, Jesus, sweetheart.”

You’re glad he knows how to navigate his house with his eyes closed because the whole way there, you can’t stop kissing him. Your hands tug his hair and your teeth pinch his bottom lip. Steve responds by growling softly, biting you back, squeezing your thighs before slowly easing you onto his bed.

It’s dark in his room, but you feel the bed dip as he climbs on too. Both your eyes are trying to adjust—trying to find each other. Your hands fumble around until you catch him, his knee. His hands find your stomach. Slowly, he reaches for the hem of your shirt and peels it up over your head. Then he does the same to his own shirt and both of you shimmy out of your pants.

He is hard and hot when your bare skin touches his. Steve lies down on his side to face you, panting slightly as you glide your hand up and down his arm. Oh fuck, it’s been two years and the first man you touch is more like a mythical creature than any man. It should be illegal for someone to feel this good.

Trembling, you touch the hard planes of his torso, the ridges in his abdomen, the swell of his chest taking hard breaths. You shut your eyes and imagine the way he looks right now—breathless and wild. His knee parts your legs easily and one hand descends to feel your center, saturating your underwear.

“Jesus, baby,” Steve sighs into your neck. “You’re makin’ me crazy. This--” He begins to slide his digits up and down, getting the slippery wetness all over his fingers, “Already...”

A shudder rolls through your body upon hearing his words and you arch into his touch, moaning when he rubs your clit in perfect pulsing circles. He moves forward, kissing the tops of your breasts through your bra, nipping at the soft flesh spilling from the cups.

“Steve, you’ll make me come.” You admit, a little shyly even as your hips rock consciously into his hand. You paw at his arms, squeezing the ridges of thick muscles.

The mischievous chuckle that pours from his throat vibrates against your chest. Steve grabs onto your thigh and eases your leg over his hips inching closer and straightening himself until you’re aligned perfectly. He tilts back and guides you against him until your center slides against his bulge.

Just as you find the elastic of his waistband, he jerks away and places himself in-between your legs as he moves you onto your back. You scoot until your head hits the wall, propping yourself up on your elbows, giving him more room at the foot of the bed.

“You wanted to feel this?” Steve caresses your thighs with his cheek, the hairs on his beard tickling your sensitive skin. Your toes curl up reflexively as he moves back and forth, trailing his lips and face all over.

You squeal when the tip of his nose touches your mound, mouth hovering over your soaked panties. His mouth latches on, almost in a bite before he takes them off. Both his hands slide beneath your bottom, squeezing the soft flesh of your ass before he pulls your hips forward. You land on his face, eyes rolling back in ecstasy.  

“Steve,” You gasp, “This is unfair.” Your body jerks with every teasing kiss he presses to your folds. His breath comes out in a smug puff of air that purposefully continues to drive you unbelievably closer to what feels like breaking entirely.

“Baby…” he mutters—right into your cunt, Jesus! You groan at the way his face is nestled there. “Baby---mm— It’s been two years for me.” He whispers, “If I don’t get you off now, in a really good way—it’s not gonna be good at all.”

“Steve—you know—ah! It’s been the same amount of time for me too, right?!”

He ignores you, crawling his hands around onto your hips to keep you from squirming. When you settle finally, he moves one hand to your center, sliding a finger up and down your slippery folds. His mouth latches onto your clit as his finger continues their trail. You fist his hair with both hands at the same time he slips a digit inside.

But he doesn’t move. Other than his tongue’s soft licks on your swollen clit, Steve doesn’t move at all. He happily lets his finger rest inside of you, gathering your juices all over his hand.

You whimper, trying to shimmy against them, anything to create more contact. Its intrusion builds a terrible itch inside of your body, and goddamn it, you want to scratch.

It feels like an eternity passes before he finally lets you have another—adding one more thick finger inside, stretching you as he moves them both around, curling them, pumping them in and out. He sucks enthusiastically on your sensitive bud, fucks you with two fingers almost wildly, and your body responds with fervor. You gasp and moan, arching your back into his hand and face, goosebumps blooming all over your shoulders and down your arms and legs.

“C’mon, that’s it. Thassa good girl. You’re so close. Almost there… Good girl… Good girl.”

With a cry, you come undone, rolling your hips every which way as you reach orgasm on Steve’s hand. His voice continues to praise you, lips kissing your sweat-slicked thighs, beard tickling your sensitive skin.

Instead of pulling away, Steve continues to stroke you with his fingers, slowly prodding at your entrance with a third.

“Just trying to get you ready.” He murmurs, and your heart stills. Ready?

You voice your concern, “What do you mean?”

With a slight chuckle, he sits up, wiping his mouth and parts of his beard with the back of his hand. In the dark, Steve reaches for your arm, guiding you to feel exactly what he’s talking about. A strangled cry escapes your throat as you wrap your fingers around his cock. Hot. Throbbing. Big.

Sweet, sensitive, divorced, baker, artist, ceramicist, father Steve fuckin’ Rogers was packing. And it isn’t until you nervously grip him in both hands do you realize the importance of his last statement.

“Can I get you ready, baby?” He asks again.

For the millionth time that night, your eyes roll back and get lost in your head as you lean against the headboard with a whimper. Steve crawls over on top of you, scoops you up once again in his arms, and places you on his lap. Your legs wrap around his back loosely as he holds you still, previous two fingers pushing inside gently.

You rest your head on his shoulder as your body shakes under his ministrations, already tired and overstimulated. Your hands find their way to grip him, massaging his length tenderly, savoring the temperature of his body, spreading the beaded precum at the tip of his cock up and down his shaft. Steve groans, scissoring his fingers inside of you, spreading your walls.

The third finger meets resistance as you tense up.

“S-sorry,” You whisper, “I’m… I’m pretty nervous…” But you move his hand back and try again. He’s so tender and sweet with you as he turns his head to place kisses on your cheek and ear. It’s a few minutes of this exploration before you feel brave enough to shift and stroke him with determination. Steve takes the message as a confirmation and reaches into the end table for a condom.

It’s slipped on and you follow suit, gasping as Steve guides your hips with one hand, and grips himself with the other. Slowly, he fills you inch by inch until he’s so deep inside you think he could emerge from your throat.

“Oh… my… God!” You cry. There aren’t enough words to describe it— the sweetest sting, an all-encompassing and chilling burn, a mystifying and utter fullness that nearly brings tears to your eyes. You’re afraid to move, to lose this sensation, and afraid to feel what comes next. But you know that you want it.

Steve kisses your lips tenderly, babbling praise, whispering affirmations, soothing the shock that surges up your spine with his warm palm. Slowly, he rocks you back, holding onto your body with one hand, smoothing the hair that falls over your face with the other.

You’re gripping him so tightly it takes some effort to slide even an inch of him out— and there’s many inches of him. Sweat collects on your brow as you grind, dragging against his length, forcing shudders to course all over both your bodies. “Is this okay?” you mutter, delirious, “Steve? You feel so good.”

He flexes within you, grunts into your ear. A dry chuckle escapes him as his hand squeezes your back just a little too hard. He’s holding back, trying to prolong your pleasure, but his own is chasing him down, only a few steps away from pouncing.

You coax it towards him with faster snapping of your hips against his, clawing at his back, nibbling on his ear. “Come on, my love… just a little more.”

With a grunt and a shudder, and a hard kiss to your lips that makes your teeth clack against each other, Steve thrusts one last time as deeply as possible, riding out his orgasm as he pulls your hips against his. The two of you feel welded together, sticky with sweat and so tightly flushed that you’re not sure where he ends and you begin. You body slumps as you drape your arms over his neck. Steve turns his head to kiss your shoulder before making the effort to pull away and clean himself up. He goes into the bathroom first, lying you down and covering you with the blanket.

 When he returns, Steve finds you already dozed off. You palm rests under your cheek as you lie on your side, breathing deeply.

As quietly as he can, he squeezes in beside you, fitting himself against your back. He’s read it somewhere, that falling in love was a little bit like falling asleep. As his eyes slip shut, he feels it happening, just like that quote had said: slowly at first, then… all at once.

In the darkness behind his lids, there is strangely so much light.

Next Chapter

[wlwreader]

Minutes

A/N: Hey yall! its currently 4 am exactly as i type this out and ive just finished this. id just like to say ive been working on this all day while i was at work and its unedited so if you see any mistakes pls let me know! also, it may not be the best (my dialogue is a weak point that im trying to improve upon through this hopefully) but other than that i hope you guys enjoy 😌

Warnings: light (imo) dom/sub, tiny bit of degradation, oral on toys, mommy kink

WC: 2k+

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Your desperate moans were the only sound in the room as you laid in bed, wrists and ankles each tied to a bedpost as the vibrator pressed snugly against your aching clit buzzed to life again. Natasha sat comfortably a few feet away on the desk chair in your shared room, one hand casually stroking the strap-on she wore while the other slowly turned the vibrator up with the remote. You vaguely registered the squeak of the chair as Natasha rose and walked towards the bed before you felt her hands caress the insides of your thighs.

“I love the noises you make, always so desperate for my touch, isn’t that right?”

Your legs are trembling at this point as an orgasm rapidly approaches making you choke on a moan. A sudden slap to your face has your cunt clenching around nothing and your attention on Natasha as she grips your cheeks to bring your gaze to hers. The vibrations against your pussy dies down and she removes the toy as she speaks up again. 

 “Isn’t that right slut?”

You’re quick to nod, voice shakily following after with a soft whimper of ‘Yes mommy’ before she’s releasing your face with a hum of approval. 

  “Good girl.”

You have no idea how long you’ve been at this. Two, maybe three hours? But you do know that if she doesn’t let you cum soon, you’re liable to fucking lose it.

“Mommy, please.” it’s gasped out as Natasha teases two fingers along your slit, barely dipping into your entrance before repeating the motion. Your hips cant up, silently begging for more and she tsks before slapping your clit in warning.

“Please what, slut?”

“Let me cum mommy, please.”

She tilts her head as she considers you, eyes roaming your exposed and spread body while her fingers continue to lazily run through your folds.

“Do you think you deserve to cum?”

Teasing texts and naughty photos briefly flash through your mind as you remember why you’re even in this situation. You cast your eyes downwards as you sadly reply with a no. There’s a twinkle of amusement in Natasha’s eyes while she takes in your sullen expression, lips pouty while tears of frustration slowly start to glaze over your eyes. Perhaps she’s punished you enough for tonight.

“I’ll let you cum, but...” She trails off as your gaze snaps to meet hers, eagerly awaiting for her to continue, “For each minute it takes you to finish, is how many days you’ll have to wait before I’ll allow you to cum again, understood?”

You don’t think twice before vigorously shaking your head in agreement, barely missing the mischievous smirk she’s wearing as she finally lowers her head between your legs. Pillowy lips brush along the sensitive skin of the insides of your thighs before the sharp sensation of her biting down follows and you whimper. You feel more than hear the small laugh, cool air fanning across your soaked center and your clit throbs. You hear the click of her unlocking her phone and watch as she starts a timer, before she disappears between your legs again.

 Natasha’s mouth hovers over your dripping cunt for a few seconds of teasing before her tongue is dragging through your folds, You tug subconsciously at the restraints, wrists red and aching, as you hopelessly try to dig your fingers into her soft, fiery hair and bury her face into your pussy. She repeats the action and you whine helplessly, just barely stopping your hips from bucking up into her warm mouth.

She stiffens her tongue and flicks across your clit causing your back to arch up off the bed and your eyes to squeeze shut, a low moan tumbling from your parted lips. You can feel the way she smiles against you before she’s tracing circles around the nub with the tip of her tongue. Toes curling and hands gripping desperately to the soft ropes binding them, your moans grow louder and louder as your orgasm steadily approaches. Natasha teases two fingers against your entrance, dipping them in till the first knuckle before pulling out and easily sinking three fingers into your sopping hole.

The sudden feeling of finally being filled after hours of edging and teasing has you choking down a sob of relief.

“Oh, does that feel good baby?” She coos after pulling away from your sensitive clit. The lower half of her face is covered in your slick and you clench around the digits inside of you at the sight. 

“Y-yes, mommy. So good.” The last word is dragged out into a moan as you feel Nat curl her fingers, grazing against your g-spot. Her mouth is on your clit again, suctioned between her lips as she rolls her tongue over the nub in ways that are both heavenly and sinful. You’re so close to finally cumming, hips rutting up to meet each thrust of her fingers and mouth dropped open as moans flow freely. The rhythmic fluttering of your walls has Natasha pulling away, fingers stilling inside of you and you let out a pitiful whine.

“Did you think you were allowed to cum without my permission?” She smirks down at you as the tears of frustration from before return full force, slowly dribbling down the sides of your face. Your voice is quiet and tentative as you try to respond.

“But, you sai—“

“What’s my first rule princess?”

“But!”

She’s quick to cut you off, a slender hand snaking around your throat and squeezing in warning. 

“Don’t forget who’s in charge slut. I can simply just not let you cum tonight, is that what you want?” Her eyes are dark as she watches you shake your head no before traveling to her phone, the timer still running.

“Plus, I know you can last longer than four minutes.” 

A nod and her hand is off your throat, traveling to untie your restraints before gripping your hair and pulling you into a bruising kiss. Her tongue is in your mouth before you have time to process and you moan at the taste of yourself. Natasha shifts, the strap-on you forgot she had been wearing pressing against your thigh. She pulls back with your bottom lip caught between her teeth before releasing it and using her grip in your hair to guide your mouth to the head of her strap.

“Suck.” The edge to her voice has you doing exactly what she says without any hesitation. Your lips wrap around the tip, tongue teasing along the underside before she’s pushing in deeper. The head hits the back of your throat and you gag while your hands move to grip the smooth skin of her hips.

“Breathe through your nose and quit acting like you haven’t done this before.” 

With those words her hips pull out halfway before pushing in until your nose is pressed against the base of the harness. Natasha face fucks you in earnest and you'd be lying if you said you weren’t incredibly turned on, sitting in a small forming puddle of your own desire. Spit drips down your chin to land on the tops of your breasts. 

“You like that slut? Love sucking mommy’s cock, don’t you princess?” Your eyes meet her gaze, taking in her blown pupils and plump lips, traces of your wetness still glistening around her mouth and chin. 

You mumble a yes around the toy in your mouth and soon after Natasha is pushing you off before turning you around and pressing your face into the mattress and pulling on your hips so your ass is in the air. 

“Look at how wet you are baby, you’re dripping.” 

You can feel her gaze locked onto your pussy. One hand caresses your ass, cheeks still stained red from the spankings you had received before all of this started, while the other jerks the fake cock between her legs.

“You ready, princess?” 

“Yes, mommy.” You can barely contain the excitement in your voice and Nat seems to notice. She lets out a soft chuckle in your ear as she drapes herself over you, bare breasts and hard nipples pressing into your back while the strap-on nudges against your clit. Kisses rain down across your shoulders as lines the head of the toy with your entrance and pushes in. 

A moan is pulled out of you from the stretch and it drags on as she slowly sheaths herself inside you to the hilt. Seconds pass and then she’s fucking into you with deep, rough thrusts that jostle you forward. You don’t even bother trying to stay quiet, knowing that everyone was currently at the compound. With the way she was rolling her hips against you, you’re sure it’d be impossible to not moan with abandon, Avengers be damned. 

The words, “If you keep moaning like a bitch in heat like that princess, everyones going to hear you getting fucked.” are panted against your ear as her thrusts pick up pace. You feel cool air prickle at your sweat covered back as Natasha leans back onto her knees, her hands gripping your hips to pull you back to meet each movement of her own hips. 

“But you don’t care do you?” the growl in her voice has your cunt clinging to the toy plunging in and out of you, “You want everyone in the compound to know you’re mine. That this pussy is mine. That I’m the only one who can fuck you this good.”

Her arm wraps around your waist and you feel her fingers press into your clit, rubbing persistent circles, and you cry out.

“F-fuck.. Yes, mommy it's all for you.” 

You feel Nat shift behind you before her cock is hitting an all new angle, head pushing against your g-spot with every single thrust into you. Mouth dropped open in a silent scream, your legs start to tremble and you twist your hands into the sheets, gripping them tightly.

“You wanna cum princess?” A nod of your head is your reply.

“Beg me.” 

You don’t even hesitate before the words are flowing from your lips, so desperate to finally reach your climax that you’ll do anything at this point. 

“Please make me cum, mommy. Your cock feels so good stretching my pussy, I wanna cum for you so badly mommy.” Your voice trembles, each word harder to get out than the last as she continues to rut into you without a care in the world. 

“Good girl.” the words come out in a purr as Natasha scrapes her nail gently across your clit and you just barely stop your orgasm, a loud whine tumbling helplessly from your mouth. 

“You may cum, princess.” 

A few more thrust and a soft pinch to your clit has you careening head first into climax, face buried into the bed as you cry out her name. It’s intense and long and your body is still trembling a minute after as you try your best to catch your breath.

“You did so well for me baby.” Your caring girlfriend is now back, slowly pulling out of your abused little hole and peppering kisses across your shoulder blades and you laugh breathlessly. How someone could be so loving and sweet and still fuck you like a whore will never cease to amaze you, but you don’t mind.

The toy is quickly removed and tossed away somewhere in your room, she could worry about cleaning it later when you didn’t need soft caresses and sweet praises whispered to you. Natasha pulls you into her embrace, fingers brushing the hair from your sweaty forehead before pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. You tuck your head into the crook of her neck, lips pressed to the smooth skin there, while your eyes slowly drift shut. Her fingers run through your hair, softly scratching at your scalp and you hum in content, snuggling in closer to your girlfriend. 

“You lasted fourteen minutes, baby. Looks like you won’t be cumming again for two weeks.” 

You let out a huff of air in protest, too tired to actually argue about it right now with sleep already starting to creep into your consciousness. Nat seems to sense this and she asks Jarvis to turn the lights off and the red shining through your eyelids fades away. You mumble out a tired ‘I love you’ and faintly hear her responding ‘I love you more’ before dreamland is calling your name.

[voidselfshipp]

♡|The Shadow Under The Sun|♡

[OKAY TO RB PLZ RB WITH NICE THINGS!!]

A woman Walked down a corridor with some paperwork in hand, her pace is quick and she starts to take deepbreaths, her boots Clack when they meet the floor.

--Jerico!--juno said as the woman entered the medical bay--you brought the Papers I asked

--yep!--she said fixing her green turtle neck--oh and one more thing...the alpha team and I are taking the day off

--sure--the medic says, Sitting on their desk--but you Will have to guide the New operator coming in tomorrow

Jeri sighs-- why am I always the one that gets chosen to show the Newbies around?

--Well..agent naga and agent rascal have Zero to no charisma,agent godcell doesnt know the layout of the base and agent wonderland

--He Will flirt with the male rookies hes done that since we were kids--jer followed--Do you know if seargeant von terra has called?

--Im afraid not jer...im sorry

The woman sighs holding her necklace --I hate when he does that....

They Keep in silence for two seconds--inform Him that he needs to call me when he has some spare time ,okay?

Juno nodds--Count on it

Jerico walks out the medic bay.

--No luck eh?

--Sadly

A crow sits on her shoulder and she feeds them a sunflower seed cookie

--Look scale...its gonna be alright, ya old Man is tough...besides I heard the Newbie is a Real catch , trust me

She snorts--Sure--they start to walk to the cafeteria,--now youre gonna tell me you have a photo of him, dont you?

The crow Snickers and pulls a folded paper out of their wing--His name is Samuel Leo fisher....his codename? Zero...hes around 63

jer unfolds the photo and gasps softly-- he is very handsome...., Man my 16 Year self would love him....

--And your present self too

--Shut the fuck up before I Cook you

-- you dont have the balls to!

--Youre right cause I have ovaries

they enter the cafeteria, amani is there behind the counter,the old black woman smiles-- What y'all arguing about?

--The newbie is her type and she doesnt want to accept it ?

--Old guy with troubled past?

--Ye

--Well--amani says--im on the side of the chicken here

--see?-- HEY!

--amani give the damn food already

--You two are gonna end up togheter!youll see jer!

--aMANI!

Jerico sits to eat her lunch in silence,enjoying the quiet muttering of the cafeteria.

--Ill have to prepare the whole tour...fuck....--she munches on her food with a heavy expression.

She cant get a day off can she?

Now shes there filing some paperwork and fixing a schedule.

"And I have to wake up early too?!, oh my Elena..." she thinks closing her diary.

The woman lays on her bed as a black cat rests ontop of her chest purring.

--you were right--the cat perks up-- he is my type...bit I dont want to hear a Word of it

The cat mewls and lays their head down.

The afternoon sun comes in from the tiny Window in the room.

The Next day arrives, and jer very grumpily gets up from bed and takes a hot shower.

"Who told me that waking up two hours before the arrival was a good idea?"

She quickly changes Into her normal uniform, with that green turtleneck under it , she holds the necklace tight.

The heavy boots met the floor with a thud, a Man gets out of the convoy, with hefty steps he approaches the woman.

His breath hitches as his eyes meets her own, behind those big round glasses hid these bright green emeralds, who looked up to him with a polite smile.

--Morning Mr Fisher --her soft voice said--how did you found the trip here? If youre too tired we can pospone the tour for some hours

The Man , who for once tripped on his own words said--n no, I just need to leave my bags in my room and ill be good to go

--no need to, Sir, your baggage Will be taken to your New headquarters soon

He nodds and walks with jerico into the base.

Its gonna be a long day

The base felt huge to sam, but his mind was in another place.

Jer was explaining the same thing for the fifth time, her tone is still gentle.

--Uh mr fisher?,you okay?, do you need to lay down?--her hand presses to his arm, squeezing it.

His cheeks run red-- no no im fine...

A concerned expression plasters on her face, his hand removes her squeezing it-- im fine...lets continue

Her cheeks turn Pink, but her smile remains.

The tour ends an hour later.

--Heres your room mr fisher,If you need anything my room is 419,go there anytime youre unsure of something

Sam Leans in the doorsill, and bites his Lower lip--Will you be free later?

Jer perks up-- yeah, why?

--would you be up to eat lunch with me?

Shes taken back but nodds--Of course!, hey uh I need to go now, but ill see you at 12:30 ?

He nodds-- yeah, ill see you then.....?

--Jerico, jerico Von Terra

--Ill see you then jerico

They say goodbye and they go their separate ways, Sam was trying to calm down, unpacking his stuff.

What was wrong with him?.

He doesnt loose his cool like that ...well never!.

He sits and hides his face in his hands,she was really pretty.

She did not lose her cool when he failed to concentrate on what she was saying five times already, but her face was absolutely beautiful.

The hour of their meeting arrived quickly, and now sam was fixing his hair for the seventh time in a row.

Then he sees hes running late and bolts out of the room.

Jerico is sitting at the cafeteria...shes thinking of leaving when the Man bursts through the door, their eyes meet and jer chuckles at the loose strands of hair that fell out infront of his face.

--There you are!

--Sorry I was busy

--its okay, oh you have --her hand brushes a strand of hair out of his face--there

His cheeks flush crimson red and looks away.

--Hungry?

--Yeah, the trip left me starving

While they eat lunch they Keep silent as sam doesnt know how to go about this so he sighs.

--So...how long have you been working here

Jer smiles --Well....a long time, I started my training when I was very young...I have my own squadron, and all, I know youve been in the bussines for a long time

--Yes ive been

--Id love to train with you someday...if you have any tips so I can get better, if you dont mind

--not at all, im more than happy to help

The rest of the lunch are kept in small talk with not much detail.

Jerico scorts Sam back to his room as he seemed very lost.

--i have to do some thing still but swing by the workshop,or my room.

--ill Keep it in mind, and uh jerico?

--hmmm?

--i had fun eating lunch with you today....ill see you later

She nodds and smiles--Ill see you soon too

Jer leaves and he closes the door, he sits on his bed.

Today was one hell of a day...and it hasnt even finished.

[wendimydarling]

Heyyy so been following for a while, terrified of coming off from anon but heeeere we go (dying inside but going on w it) so hm ive been thinking non stop, srlsy, non stop about writing for henry, and i read your tips on writing, but like idk where to start, do i kindly wait for someone to request something (which i honestly feel its never gonna happen if I don't do something), do I ask people what they want?? where do i start? WWhere did u start?

Okay FIRST OF ALL:

WELCOME TO THE AUTHOR SIDE OF THE CAVILLRY!!!!!

Where the thirst is real and pussies get wrecked for DAYS. There will be lots of blood, sweat, tears, laughter, and throbbing. Many OOFs, many 🥵 emojis, many nights of “WHY THE FAK AM I DOING THIS”. You will be proud of yourself, doubt yourself, and nitpick every tiny comment you receive.

I started writing a long time ago, but on Tumblr I only started a couple of months ago. After binge-reading this phenomenal story by my online bff, @littlefreya​, I dreamed Part One of “Ground Sparring”.  I bravely sent her a non-anon ask (just like you!) and she encouraged me to write it! I did, and she exploded over it, so I wrote smut-tastic Part Two. After that, I made a couple of friends and I posted some of the stuff I’d written years ago, and people started leaving comments so I just took the plunge and wrote something new!

My advice to you: just start writing. Get those ideas OUT, okay? Even if you think they suck, even if you think they’re not as good as someone else, it doesn’t even matter. YOU WRITE FOR YOU. Not for others, for you. Be kind and gracious to anyone you interact with and people will see that. They’ll be drawn to it; I know I am. 

If you’re wanting to gain some followers in order to feedback on your work, I recommend creating some content posts, such as this and this. People are generally more quick to like a bunch of photos because they don’t have time to sit there and read, but it’ll introduce them to your style and what your blog is about, and they’ll likely peruse your other stuff. 

Also, following other people and reblogging their stuff is a good way to make friends and get your own stuff circulated. All us content creators know that comments and reblogs are the only nice things to do! Find people that have your sense of humor and similar tastes. We all have our own kinks, we all have our own way of writing, and none of us (well, I can’t say none of us, but most of us) are NOT judgmental in the Henry circuit. Ignore the haters, they’re not worth your time. Find your inner circle!

Once you’ve written a few pieces, a masterlist is your best friend. This way you have a place that you can easily refer back to your posts, otherwise they’ll get lost in the void that is Tumblr’s terrible interfacing. Also, finding someone who gets your writing style to beta your work is super helpful.

All that to say, don’t wait for others. Just put your stuff out there for you, be kind, and others will follow! The Cavillry is a great community to be a part of. ❤

[myheroaizawashota]

“Aizawa handling seeing Mic for the first time since being revealed as the U.A traitor.”

[Ive been thinking about writing something like this for a while now, but after seeing these two (http://vm.tiktok.com/dNCBgb/) bring this idea to life i couldn’t help but sit myself down, cry for a minute, and then FINALLY write it. I know this is a bit different than we’re used to on this blog, but bare with me here. This is an Aizawa x Traitor!Mic one shot, so sorry to disappoint those of you who don’t ship it or don’t believe in Traitor Mic ooooor are only here for my teacher trio x reader content! I promise you that content will be continued after this!]

[PS to Lizzie and Jordyn: I am SO SORRY that this has taken substantially long :) fun fact I’ve restarted this fiction uh about 4 times, because I couldn’t solidly figure out how to open the fiction. I didn’t forget about it, nor was I promising you false dreams here haha I’m just absolute booty when it comes to openers. Hope you enjoy.]

[photo credit to the amazing artist @ask-hizashi-and-shouta]

A flash of dulling lumincent light crawled out from the underside of the local night market’s weathered canopy, it’s haze contouring along the right side of the clinical erasure pro’s face as his feet seemed to aimlessly carry him back towards the solitary isolation of his haunted home. These days the underground hero blew through the streets in a desperate attempt to avoid the memories that tainted the walls of his living space. He could remember a time when being in the comfort of his own company was the envy of his dreams, but now he did just about anything he could to avoid being alone with his own thoughts. The down pours of tonight’s abysmal sky hardly phases the man as heaven’s tears began to soak through the bangs of Shouta’s rich raven hair. After the week he’d had a few droplets of moisture condensed from the atmosphere did little to cause a reaction from him. If he was being entirely honest he couldn’t feel a damn thing, both emotionally and physically. His body had began to grow numb to the world around him as his mind shifted to disconnect from the unwanted reality he had been presented.

As thunder crackled through the ghostly alley of the eerily quiet market the hero began to show a slight urgency in his pacing. While he wasn’t afraid of the sound, he knew logically being caught in a storm like this wouldn’t be a genuinely smart thing. Moving with slightly more purpose, the man couldn’t help but grow distracted as his eyes caught the top headline of the news stand just in the edge of his view, “Present Mic: The Famed U.A Traitor Still At Large, Authorities Have No Leads.”

Clenching his jaw he turned his head away from the article, constricting his fingers around the thick plastic handle of the bag he carried, the sudden force causing the top of his knuckles to fade white. He knew it was irrational to care and hurt the way he did, but that didn’t stop his emotions from betraying his mind. Pushing past the feelings the clawed to free themselves from both his tired eyes and heavy chest, Aizawa finally arrived home. Haphazardly he dropped the bag right where he stood just inches inside his front door, he not caring about the safety of his items. It was just pantry goods anyway, things he kept for when...company came. Christ, he didn’t even know why he still was continuing to buy these crap snacks, something in him just compelled him to grab them. It wasn’t like they’d be eaten. Factually Shouta never cared for sweets, so the likelyhood they’d be consumed by him was slim. Drenched and dripping, he uncomfortably made his way through the house heading for his bedroom. Not making it more than two footsteps, an unease began to grow inside the typically steady pro. With the sound of a faint thud coming from the room he’d been inbound too, his hands constricted around the damp scarf that clung to his neck, he approaching with caution. Great, a break in was the last thing he needed right now. With the same stealth and swiftness he was known for in his work, he deployed his weapon, the fabric of it tightening as it made contact with a body. “You must either be really stupid or have a death wish to intrude her-“ he couldn’t help but pause as shock rushed his body. Stood in front of him were a set of painfully fimiliar green eyes and a smile that killed him to see. While his apprerance had been altered drastically, the long blonde locks the other sported now dyed and chopped, he was still recognizable to the Eraser hero. Uncontrollably his lip began to quiver, teeth digging into his tongue as he pressed it roughly to the inside of his cheek. Releasing the weapons hold, he turned his back to the fimiliar stranger, aggressively rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands. “You’re an idiot. Why are you here?”

“I had no where else to go...” came the response. It was quiet and almost defeated, and while sensibly Aizawa knew he shouldn’t have cared....he did.

Not responding to the traitor behind him, his body instinctively began to close off to the other. His arms moved to cross over his chest as he stood distanced both spiritually and physically. It was a subtitle change in the mans body language, but Hizashi could see it. After sixteen years with the stoic man he’d finally began to pick up on the minute tells the other let off on the rare occasions he let himself display his emotions. While it wasn’t something most people would take notice too, Hizashi did. It was evident to him the man was hurt. “Come on, don’t do this. Please just talk to me...” The tone of the once admired voice hero sounded nearly as broken as his counter part felt.

As if some nerve had been struck inside the shorter of the two men, Shoutas body spun to face Hizashi his fist wrapping around the fabric of his shirt. What nerve did the other have to think he could just break in and act like nothing even happened. “Don’t....don’t you walk back into my life and pretend like this is okay. It’s not okay! None of this, is okay.”

The former blonde was taken back by the harsh emotion filled outburst his ex lover, ex friend, and ex confidant had displayed. For Shouta to express himself like this, it must of been bad. “Just...calm down...listen to me alright? I never meant to hurt you.”

An audiable laugh came from the typically reclused ravenette. “As if you’ve been truthful with me up until this point. I trusted you....I let you in when I should have kept you at an arms length like I do everyone else. Tell me exactly why I should believe a single thing you say to me. Out of the sixteen years I’ve spent with you how much of it was lies.” He hissed hand moving to press the others body harshly into the wall “out of sixteen years, how long have you been pretending to be my friend, to care about me!”

“I never pretended....I’ve always cared about you Shouta. Everything I’ve ever said to you about how I feel has been one hundred percent! Everything I have ever done has been to protect you alright!” Tears began to form in Hizashi’s eyes as his hand moved to rest against his friends, he working to loosen the other’s grip. “I don’t care if you wanna believe me or not okay? That’s your burden to carry, but I know that every time I ever looked you in the eyes and told you how much I loved you, alright that was real! Every time I ever smiled or laughed, or told you that you meant the world to me, that was real! I didn’t take this traitor gig to hurt you alright, I did it to protect you!”

“Protect me, oh that’s laughable!” Shouta let his hands drop the others body, the tears he’d been fighting back for a week now starting to bubble to the surface as his finger tips moved to trace over the scar under his eye “this? This was protecting me? Do you have any idea how idiotic and illogical you sound right now!”

Hizashi turned his gaze away from the others face, it riddled him with guilt to look at the thick scar the other wore. “I was promised you weren’t going to get hurt....you’re not the only one who was lied too....” gently rubbing his hands over his face, the no longer boisterous voice hero gave a groan. “They only wanted All Might. I was just suppose to tell them where and when to find him. Information in exchange for yours and the kids safety. That’s all it was suppose to be. I wasn’t banking on All Might powering down before the trip even started, okay? How was I suppose to know the guy was gonna be a no show and they’d go after you and the kids Shouta!”

“Because they are villains Hizashi! They were villains and you just bent right into their will! What did they have on you that was so incriminating that you would trust them you idiotic loud mouthed -“

“You! They had you...” hizashis voice was abrupt, a small crack to its tone as he spoke. Casting his eyes to the floor his lips twitched from side to side, as he tugged at his collar. “Call me idiotic or irrational or whatever else you’d say typically say to me....but these guys aren’t the local band, they’re the headliners in this rock show and they are some seriously terrifying cats!”

Shouta couldn’t stand to listen to the other any longer, his fist clenching at his side. Even if there was a truth to anything the former pro had to say, it infuriated Aizawa that the other thought this was a battle he needed to fight alone. Knowing if he stayed in the same room any longer with the painfully recognizable face in front of him, he was bound to make a move he’d immediately regret. Turning his back, he clenched his jaw exited the room. Against his better judgment, the irrationality of his emotions kicked in. He could feel his eyes sting with aggravation and sorrow, his chest weighted and tight. “You can stay for tonight. So help me, you better be gone come morning Hizashi, or else.”

With no more left to say to the other, Shouta blew his way from the bedroom slamming the door behind him. The moment he was out of view of the other, the tears aggressively poured from his eyes, all the hurt, all the anger, everything he’d been feeling for a week finally coming to a boil. He knew it was ludicrous to let the other stay here, and he knew he’d come to regret that choice at a later time, but what was he suppose to do. He still loved that idiot. Traitor or not, you can’t erase sixteen years of memories, no matter how badly he wished he could. Desperate to put this day to rest, Shouta threw the emotionally drained husk that was his body aggressively to his couch. Forcing his eyes shut he tried to forget the aching pain in his chest, the feeling making his body feel anxious and heavy. He could feel the overwhelming rush of emotions as he bit his tongue fighting back more tears. He refused to cry, it was unreasonable to shed tears for someone who could care less about him. With his face buried into the back of the couch, the typically stoic and impassive man finally fell to sleep.

When morning came, the overly tired and uncharacteristically emotional hero gave a groan. Sleeping on the couch may have been the biggest mistake of his life. While it was comfortable for sitting, hed forgotten how uncomfortable it was to sleep on. Retrospectively it was hitting him that he should have kicked his former lover onto the couch instead but, he guessed that’s what happens when you let your judgements cloud with emotions. Dreading the walk towards the bedroom, his heart rate escalated as he touched his hand to the door. Some masochistically dejected part of him almost hoped the other was still behind the door despite his warnings last night. He knew it would just bring him more pain and anguish to see him, but he couldn’t help it. The pain was better then going back to the feeling if nothing. Slowly letting his hand pry the door open, his heart sank to find an empty room, the window wide open. He knew he shouldn’t feel dispondent from the sight of the empty room, but he was. Cautiously entering the area with his guard still heavily held, he made his way towards the center of the room. As he glanced around to assure the other wasn’t hidden, his eyes became distracted as they caught on a folded white piece of paper. Reaching out with unsteady hands, Shouta let his fingers trace around the edge of the paper. He could feel the way the tension churned at his stomach, pitting every emotion he never imagined he’d feel in his gut. Tired dark eyes locked on the sloppy handwriting scrawled across the page, truly hizashis hand writing was abysmal. He unraveled the folds to reveal a winded letter laying behind them.

-

Shouta,

Seeing as you wouldn’t listen last night, i wrote this all down for you. I know the chances you’ll read this are slim. I know you’re furious with me, and I can’t say that I blame you. I wouldn’t be shocked if you threw this letter out and forgot about me all together, but I can’t leave knowing things are the way they are. You deserve to know as much of the truth as I can tell you, which isn’t really much. Just know, i promise this was all to protect you. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes at that, but it’s the truth. I wouldn’t have given up being able to see you every single day if I didn’t have a cause. I’d rather live my life miserable and distanced from you knowing you’re alive than have to live with the fact you’re dead because i tried to fight these guys. Just know, that even if you stop loving me it’s okay, I’ll never hold it against you. Even if it’s not with me I want to know you’re happy and safe. You asked me last night how long I’ve been lying for. It’s only been for the last year that I’ve been keeping secrets, but never once did i pretend to be you’re friend or your lover. Every moment of our love was genuine, a hundred percent baby. Every smile I gave you was palpable, every laugh was legitimate, and every kiss authentic. If you believe me about nothing else, I’m begging, please believe that every time I said I loved you I meant it. Every single last time. I still love you, and I won’t ever stop. I miss you, seeing you last night made me realize a lot of things. One of the most important ones being that i should have came to you and let you know what was happening, but I thought i was doing the right thing trying to protect you. I’m sorry that I was a giant idiot babe and screwed things up for the both of us. Please take care of yourself. Since I’m not there to nag you anymore babe, shower daily. Don’t forget to feed yourself, and sauce packets aren’t a meal! I love you three thousand baby, and I promise you that’s the god honest truth. Catch you on the flip side Eraser.

Hizashi

-

Tears ran down Aizawas face as his fingers dug into the corners of the paper, his body shaking with sobs. Stood with the note in his hands, salt water blinding his vision, the erasure champion couldn’t help but kick himself. He wished he could have heard these words for himself last night, but he was to stubbornly idiotic for his own good sometimes. Pressing the ball of his palm to his right eye, the other continued on to read the small blurb at the bottom of the note. That idiot would leave a post scriptum after writing such a heartfelt note. It was probably something ridiculous and childish.

-

P.S

I left something in the closet for you. Hold onto it for me. Im gonna need it back one day, and I know it’ll be safe with you.

-

Shoutas heart stopped, his body hardly even hesitating to fly to his closet. Yanking the door open, he froze to see the other mans hero costume, complete with directional speaker set up in the safety of his closet. He didn’t know what intentions the other planned to act on, but he knew three things. One, this was not going to be the last time he ever saw Hizashi. Two, that man intended to clear his name. Three, Shouta wasn’t sure how, but he was going to make sure he was there to help. As much as it pained him, he believed Hizashi. Uncaring of the consequences the underground hero set off in search for his friend. If he knew his lover, which he did, the man had a half baked idea that would probably get him killed....and there was no way Shouta would let him do it alone. Gathering both his and Hizashi’s equipment, the man headed out leaving everything he knew behind. Love was irrational and for once, Shouta was fine knowing that. He’d rather be seen as a traitor, aiding and abetting the other, then live in a world without him. Even after the monumental betrayal of the other, he still trusted him.

[angrylizardjacket]

when i said it i thought it was true [4] {Ben Hardy}

A/N: 2973 words. Listen, I massaged the timeline a little bit, just suspend your disbelief, perhaps it only takes 4 months to be in post production. Also yes I know X-Men didn’t actually film in Egypt, but I didn’t know that at the start of this fic and now I’m sticking with my mistakes because momma didn’t raise a quitter but she did raise a fool.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

“You’re not proposing to me in a sheer shirt.” The moment the makeup team leaves, you turn on Ben, amusement tugging at your lips as you cross your arms, cocking your hip.

“You don’t like it?” He asked, the picture of innocence as he fiddles with the cuff of his jacket. You raise a singular eyebrow. “I think you do like it.” He hummed, a mischievous sparkle in his eye. When you refuse to break eye contact, your silence is answer enough. “I think you like it a lot.” 

It’s been almost a four months since shooting officially wrapped, two since you’d filmed the last of the pick up shots they’d needed, and a full month since you and Ben seen each other in person; you’d been busy with a Netflix series, and Ben had been in talks about a new project, and you’d been messaging every day but seeing each other in person is... well there’s something different. Playful. Easy. Somehow neither of you seem worried about the looming proposal, and are just making up for lost time.

“Love, you’ve gotta take it up with the stylist, not me.” He shrugged, as if helpless, and turned, making his way to the door, knowing without even looking that you’ll be following behind him. He’s chipper, brimming with excitement and looking damn good, and once he gets to the elevator and pushes the button, he offers you his arm while he waits.

“Marry me.” He says it suddenly, watching the numbers of the elevator tick up to your floor. There’s no-one around, and the ring is still in his pocket.

“What?” With a frown, you step into the elevator, and press the button for the lobby, still tucked up against him.

“What if we just show up engaged?” He asks, hand in his pocket where he’s fiddling with the ring box. He’s not nervous, just contemplative.

“And deprive Swarovski of their moment?” You scoffed, and he tipped his head to look at you, eyebrows raised in exasperated amusement.

“I know you hate the ring, ‘too gaudy, too ostentatious by half’, isn’t that what you said?” He snickers after doing as half decent imitation of you. Giving him a shove, you duck your head to hide your embarrassed smile.

“It’s so ‘look at me! Look at me!’” You huff, and he can’t help but laugh at that. The sound of it, in person rather than over Skype, made you feel, for lack of a better phrase, like you were home. Not that there really was a better phrase, you just didn’t want to think about or admit how much you’d missed him.

“Sorry to say, dude, but there’s nothing more ‘look at me! Look at me!’ than a red carpet proposal.” And yeah, okay, maybe he had a point, but that was one night, you had to wear that ring until... they hadn’t told you the DVD release date, but you’re pretty sure it was some time in the New Year. When you bring this up, he just rolls his eyes. “You’re not the one getting down on one knee for a fake proposal; I’m gonna look like an idiot when this is all over.” 

“Well fine, if you’re so worried, I’ll propose.” Instead of dwelling on his words, you step away, holding your hand out expectantly. When he just stares at you, bewildered, you motion for him to hand the ring box over, and he finally cracks a grin, shaking his head.

“If you think I’m gonna be caught dead in that ring you’re wrong.” He spluttered, and you can’t help but laugh at that.

“Fine, I won’t take your first proposal away from you.” You hum with a smile, tucking yourself back against him. He goes very quiet. It takes you a few moments, but you look up at him, brow furrowed. He seems lost in his own thoughts. “It- Ben you’ve never been engaged before, I feel like I’d know if you had been.” Your words snap him out of his trance and he looks at you with wide, bright eyes, and an unconvincing smile.

“Yeah, no, I would have told you by now otherwise.” The silence that falls around you in not a comfortable one, and you’re glad when the elevator comes to a stop. “I got close once, though.” He admits, quietly. You don’t know how to respond to that; you hadn’t considered how much those words would hurt. You want to ask with who, but you already felt an unreasonable rush of jealousy at the thought of someone else stealing his heart enough for him to want to be with them forever. Unreasonable jealousy.

Filming for X-Men started a week ago and he’s only called you once; he’s on a film lot somewhere in Canada and his hair is curly and god he looks cute but the apartment feels so empty. He’s bright eyed and excited. He’s rambling about how busy he is, and he’s still wearing his makeup. The call lasts five minutes; the cast are going out for dinner. You tell him to have fun, but you’re heart’s not in it; he can sense it, and promises to call you tomorrow, before he hangs up.

He doesn’t call, part of you isn’t surprised.

“Marry me.” He asks again, voice low in your ear. The others in the car can’t hear him, but part of you is afraid they might. They don’t technically know it’s not a real relationship, though part of you thinks Gwilym has his doubts, not that he’d ever voice them.

“Not the time.” You shoot him a warning look, and he just slings an arm around you, leaning back in his seat. 

“You’ll regret not letting me be low-key about it.” He warns in return, giving you a blithe smile, and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Low-key about what?” Lucy asks, and you elbow Ben in the ribs. He keeps smiling, though his mischievousness slides to something more fond as he actually looks at you.

“About anything.” You say by way of explanation, and though she, along with the rest of the car, still look confused, they don’t push it. There’s reporters everywhere when you get out of the car, and you and Ben are the last ones out.

“Last chance before this becomes a spectacle.” He murmurs when he steps out after you, straightening the back of your dress just a little, and he sounds amused, but there’s something genuine in his voice, and you take a moment to pause, turning back to him. His hands land on your hips, his touch light, and his expression is so familiar it hurts, and you realise he is a little nervous; it’s a very public setting for what should be a very private matter. With cameras going off all around you, you pull him in for a kiss, and he relaxes somewhat, kissing you back with his grip tightening on your hips.

“We’re being paid to be a spectacle.” You remind him, and he nods, smiling softly, and the two of you make your way down the red purple carpet together. You have to stop every few feet to do interviews, and soon enough you had pulled ahead of Ben; he had a much larger part in the film that you did, it wasn’t surprising the reporters wanted to monopolise him. It still felt strange, to turn and not have him there. Sometimes you’d do interviews with the other boys, sometimes he’ll be there, and as the main photo area loomed, you could finally feel the butterflies in your stomach.

Soon.

Perhaps too soon.

“What do you mean you’re going to Egypt?” You snapped, wishing your internet connection was better so he could see you glaring clearly.

“I told you about it ages ago.” Ben sighs, clearly tired. It’s there in his eyes, how drained he is, how hard he’s been working, and your expression softens.

“That’s exciting,” you force yourself to take a breath, it was the first time you two had spoken that fortnight, neither of you needed this to be hostile. The days had started feeling so long when you don’t hear from him; all you want is a damn hug and he’s on the other side of the world. “What if I come visit you?”

“In Egypt?” He asks, eyebrows raised.

“In Egypt.” You confirm, a weak smile on your face, he doesn’t look thrilled by the process.

“Don’t bother.” He sighs, and the moment he sees your expression fall, he realises how his words had sounded, and he’s sitting up straight, panicked look on his face, spluttering his way through an apology. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just busy and it’s going to be hot and-”

“No, I get it.” Your dejected sigh was followed by a yawn, and you hovered over the end call button. “When you’re less tired I think we should talk.” You tell him, and you see the confusion, fear, and resignation pass over his face in quick succession.

He agrees quietly, and neither of you really say goodbye before hanging up.

He was tapping on your shoulder as you were halfway through talking to E! News, and you’ve never been more anxious and excited in your life, and never so thankful to not be at the main photo area on a red carpet. His timing was perfect.

“So sorry, could I borrow Y/N for a minute?” He smiles charmingly at the reporter, and his expression softens when he sees the relief in your eyes. 

Before he even starts, it feels off, feels wrong, feels like a performance for the cameras more than anything else. 

“Don’t get teary on me, I know how hard your makeup artists worked.” He begins, and you make sure the cameras catch your surprised confusion. He’s takes one of your hands in his, linking your finger together, and the other holds your face. There’s a moment that passes between you two, his expression softens as he looks in your eyes and it’s as if he’s looking past everything that had happened, the whole setup you’d found yourself in; he was seeing you. 

“This is probably the biggest night of my life,” he starts, taking a deep breath, “for more than one reason; you’re my best friend, you’ve been there for some of the highest points in my life, and some of the lowest. I know you, Y/N, I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, and I want to. I want you there by my side for the rest of it,” it sounds... so much more planned out than you’d expected, so much more heartfelt, and you’d be damned if there weren’t tears in your eyes. Despite the fact that this very private moment had a huge audience, which included a reporter muttering ‘holy shit, is this what I think it is?’, you could only see him. Damn if it didn’t feel real.

“I love you; I’ve loved your since-” his voice catches in his throat, and you see a hint of pain flash across his face before he’s smiling again, “since I first saw you in that damn wig they put you in,” it sounds like an addendum, like he doesn’t really mean it, or like it’s not the whole truth, but it’s enough to make you laugh, and when you look down to hide your embarrassed smile, your tears fall from your eyes, “since you agreed to all of this,” he gestures to himself with a self-deprecating grin, though his double meaning is not lost on you, though his expression turns serious after a moment, “since I first kissed you on set, though that feels like a long time ago.” Your breath catches in your throat, and he sounds like he hadn’t mean to say that last part, his voice too raw, his heart too honest for it to be a truly fake statement. You can do little more than whisper his name in reverence. Gently, so gently, he lifts your head, his thumb wiping the tear track from your cheek. 

“Marry me?” It’s a question this time, and when you look at him with confusion, disbelief written on your face at the way he chose to word it, he laughs softly, sinking to one knee and pulling out the ring box, and revealing the single most frivolous ring you’d ever had the displeasure of seeing. “Will you marry me?” He corrects softly.

The crowd behind you is going absolutely mad behind you, and cameras are going off at an almost blinding rate, but his eyes don’t leave yours. Nodding, you can’t even form words, so caught up in the moment, and he stands, pulling you into a kiss. The flash of cameras surround you like a sea of stars and Ben’s the only thing keeping you on solid ground. His grip is tight enough that he almost lifts you off the ground, and you’re on your tiptoes with his arms around you before his grip loosens, his hands sliding down the small of your back, and for the first time since this whole fake relationship began, he doesn’t hesitate before he deepens the kiss. He tastes like mint and you’re so glad you’re wearing that twenty-four hour lipstick or you know you’d be a mess, and when you pull back, you’re both out of breath, looking at each other with a something akin to awe in your eyes.

You’re pretty sure, in this moment, you love him; nothing fake about it. And you can see it in his eyes that he loves you too. This is dangerous territory for you both.

Stepping back, he takes your hands again.

“I told you not to cry, love.” He laughs gently, voice so soft as you dab at your eyes with your right hand, watching as he slides the ring onto the ring finger of your left hand.

“What can I say, you have a way with words; how long were you working on that speech.” You sniffle, grinning brightly as you examine the ring, still holding his hand. After a beat too long of silence, you look up to see him smiling softly at you.

“A while.” He admits, and something about the way he says it makes your chest ache. The moment passes and he looks down at your joined hands. “That’s fucking hideous.” He whispers, shaking his head at the sight of the ring, and you giggle, preferring to throw your arms around him, kissing him again.

The two of you are the last two to arrive at the formal photo area, with the logo backdrop, and Joe’s grin is confused where he greets you both at the edge of where everyone was in a line getting a group shot.

“What was all the commotion over there?” He asked quietly, and Ben stepped into position easily, slipping an arm around Joe’s shoulders and pulling you in. You were still beaming, you couldn’t help yourself.

“We got engaged.” Ben murmurs to Joe, careful not to draw attention to them, which was immediately counteracted by Joe’s loud ‘What the fuck?!’ “Calm down, man, we didn’t want to take all the focus off of the premiere, you know?” 

As soon as the big group shot was taken, you stepped off to the side as the four boys had their photos taken, and you could see Joe murmuring to the others, while Ben just smiled for the cameras and tried not to blush.

Photos were taken with Brian and Roger, of Rami and Lucy, and even some of you and Ben, and when you posed, you both had an arm around each other, and you leaned into him, resting your hand on his chest with your ring on clear display.

There’s congratulations all around as you’re heading into the theatre, but the biggest shock of the night comes in the form of Roger Taylor wrapping you up in a hug while you’re still glowing with pride.

“Before we go in, I want you to know you did an incredible job, dear. You’re a stunning performer and I never had any doubts about you.” As he says it, you can feel Ben give your hand a gentle squeeze. You’re pretty sure you’ve got shock written all over your face. “I’m very proud of you both.” He claps Ben on the shoulder, and Ben thanks him quietly. It looks as though he’s about to head in, but he turns back. “Be good to her, you hear?” He says to Ben sternly, but there’s a glimmer of fondness in his eyes, and Ben rolls his eyes good-naturedly. He’s still holding your hand.

“What was that?” You breathed as soon as Roger had left; you feel like you’ve been doused in cold water, though you can’t help but smile.

“Well I think he definitely approves of you playing Amanda.” Ben moves to wrap an arm around you as the two of you head into the theatre, searching for your seats. “And I think... I think he gave us his blessing?” That sounds more confused than anything else, and you don’t know how to respond one way or the other, apart from softly laughing as you sit down next to Lucy. Part of you, the largest part that had stayed sane and not drunk on this fake engagement, is pretty sure Roger’s going to be the hardest to break it to, when everything’s over; part of you worries that without Ben, you’ll lose his approval, which you didn’t realise you’d been craving until you’d received it. There’s an anxiety that builds in your chest as the lights go down, but Ben’s hand is in yours and you lean your head on his shoulder, and you can ignore that little worry for now.

the rat pack: @hotspacedeacon @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @itssaje @d-r-e-a-m-catchme @callumidiot @rockandrollandshit @bohorap @pietrorunsforme @sweetfierceimagines @itsjackothy @mhftrs @sherlockiantheatrenerd @softbenhardy @multifandomgirlrandomstuff @virtualsheepeat @smile-nine @i-padfootblack-things @deaconsroger @spookyfrances @holyurlbatman @your-idiotic-excellency @cosmicsskies @chlobo6 @screaminggalileochickenwrites

(crossed out means it wouldn’t tag; i’ll try again for the next part, lemme know if you wanna be tagged xx)

[softly-butch-blog]

Her conditions

Her conditions at the next studio were bare at best, and at times the most personal privacy she had, while performing for strangers on live camera, were a few hanging sheets separating her from the others walking in and out of some rundown flat. Although she was the frequent victim of what would certainly qualify as flagrant, physical sexual harassment in any other business, Anna stuck through it, priding herself on her ability to talk a path out of a "bad situation" with male employers.The curvy 21-year-old from Queensland says 'you can't just sit there, look pretty and take your clothes off,' – that customers want someone who is real, who they can form a relationship with. Sites do virtually nothing to curb or discourage this kind of treatment.Some sessions earn her $10 – others $2000 depending on how much the men on the other side of the screen are willing to give her in tips.

Youd think that all an Insta celeb has to do is look hot, but its actually a full time job. Ona Artist posts new photos every day and does a week of photoshoots every month. She manages all her social media and built her own website. The way her business model works is that she advertises on Instagram and from there, people can go to her private site and cam with her naked. On Instagram, because of censorship restrictions, you cant see her nude. So, the more you want from her, the more you pay, and the more explicit it gets. It's just like any other online business, really.I had the opportunity to watch her cam, and I realized that she has a persona when she’s camming—in the same way that a lot of media people do. It’s not like she’s drastically different, but there’s a version of herself that she shares with people while shes at work in the same way that an actress would go on a talk show and be the sweeter, funnier, more engaged version of herself. She puts on a show, and gives her best, sexiest performance, reading what the client wants, asking questions, and taking directions. All the while, she’s sort of straddling the line between sexual partner, therapist, and moral supporter. It’s a ton of emotional labor—like any type of sex work. I think we often forget that being a sex worker is essentially working in the service industry.But if you don't have this luxury — like a lot of girls across the world — you'll likely work for a "studio". That's basically a euphemism for another person's computer (probably a man), in front of which you'll perform on a tight schedule. You're still working through, say, MyFreeCams, but instead of only giving MFC a cut of your take, the studio owner takes a piece as well. Often a large one. If you don't stick to your mandatory hours, you'll be fired. You'll also be potentially living with strangers in conditions beneath the grimiest motel.Sometimes self-­regulation regarding finances is the best option for some people: Ive been treated better and more fairly as a Cam Girl and nude model than I was in my last retail job where I, no word of a lie, got fired for looking sad. Yet despite how much control one can have over their career as a Cam Girl there are certainly discrepancies within the industry, including safety issues and issues of future employability, as well as what is considered a fair payment and no guarantee on a basic minimum wage for hours put in. It leaves a lot up to chance.

What I found out was a self discovery as much as a way of sticking it to my friend. It was something I had always known, deep down, but perhaps had never quite put words to, as I had never felt that it had come into question. And here it is: When I am working, I am portraying a sexual stereotype, but how I am using that stereotype is a point of difference. When I am working, I am consciously becoming that stereotype and so I, in a sense, own it. I am taking it from the man, because yes, he created it, but when I dance, I have the power. I am subverting and I am reclaiming that stereotype for my own personal and financial gain.Sites do virtually nothing to curb or discourage this kind of treatment.Even so, it’s clear that Ona Artist really likes her job. People get into sex work for various reasons, but I think that what’s left out of the conversation around sex work a lot of the time is that some girls get into sex work autonomously because they want to, because they enjoy it, and because the money is good. Ona Artist got into camming because a photo of her butt went viral and she realized she could capitalize off of it.While I was there, I went through one of the trainings they offer—a cam girl boot camp, so to speak. To be a cam girl, I learned, you have to be able to field sexual requests and be an expert on all kinds of fetishes so that you always know what clients are talking about. On top of that, you also have to be a pseudo therapist. The coach trained me on how to respond to different fetish requests, what to wear, how to do my makeup, how to pose, how to use the equipment, and just how to interact with clients in general. It turns out that, according to my coach, what people like is generally not the super over-the-top sexy woman. They want someone who looks hot but is pretty normal and chill, who they can just talk to. CONTINUED BELOW...

[siodymph]

“The Before and After”

Hey there @pirably ! I’m so sorry this is getting to you so late! I can’t thank you enough for participating in the gift exchange, and I hope you enjoy my take on your prompt!

Feel free to read your story under the cut or over on my ao3!

“I can’t believe you!”

“What?”

Sighing, Stanford took a deep breath. His neck was starting to feel pinched from looking up at so long. “I said I CAN’T BEL-”

“I heard what you said! What’s not to believe?”

“Just… Everything about this! There’s no way this is safe!”

There was a long pause as Stanford waited until he finally heard Fiddleford respond. Voice echoing out from somewhere near the top of his gigantic creation.

“… Probably not!”

“Then why do you insist on working like this? Why put yourself in life-threatening danger!”

“Cause!” Fiddleford called back, huffing. “I work best directly with my hands. And there’s no way I could tip this darned thing over without risking it all breaking! All for some shiftin’ wires!”

“You could build something to help gently set it down then stand it again!” Stanford tried to add.

“Ugh! But that’d take even more time! Not to mention I’d have to build that first!” Fiddleford yelled. “Now hush up! I’m trying to work here Stanford!”

If someone were to see Stanford at that moment, they probably would have said he was pouting. But Ford would take to his grave if he had to. “I just want you to be safe…”

“I’m harnessed to the swing, which I rigged up myself! Checked the pulleys and everything this morning! I’m the safest I’ve ever been!” Fiddleford called out one more time. “And you’re one to talk! Where was all this fussing over safety when you were in Dr. Jenret’s class and you almost poured acid on yourself?”

Stanford could only smile and shake his head in response. As always Fiddleford was able to win him over when he least suspected it. As inevitable as it was, it still caught Stanford off-guard. Growing up there had been no one like that in his life. If he ever got into arguments or debates with kids they’d always either eventually concede or just completely give up. Or they’d just hit him out of annoyance. If it was his brother he’d do a combination of the last two.

At least Stanford used that excuse as to why after knowing the man for years now, he still managed to surprise him when they got into debates.

To this day Fiddleford was probably the only person he knew who could get him to shut up and see things from a new perspective.

So now knowing there was nothing he could say Stanford decided to just sit back and watch the show Fiddleford was putting on. The man may be stubborn as a mule, but he was equally as cunning and brilliant, and he certainly made a performance out of his larger-than-life projects.

There was no denying Fiddleford’s brilliance. He had the most engineering and mechanical skill out of anyone Stanford knew. Even better than himself, which was something he seldom admitted to anyone. But it was the truth. Fiddleford Hadron McGucket was by far the best of the best in the world of robotics. And anyone who said otherwise was wrong.

Just being able to watch Fiddleford work was a treat itself. As his creation came together it quickly collected height. So much so that he soon had to resort to rigged swings and climbing equipment to finish the job. As he worked up off the ground like that Stanford couldn’t help but think of those old photos from the 1940’s of construction workers building the first skyscrapers. So high off the ground, only a pair of overalls and a utility belt for protection, and yet seeming so at ease. There was almost a beauty in how effortless Fiddleford made it seem. A grace he had while swinging from rig to rig, climbing up the structure with his hands and feet.

But when the light hit his face just right and Stanford could see Fiddleford’s hair shine golden, body covered in a thin sheen of sweat from his hard work, Stanford knew in his heart his feelings for the other man hadn’t changed at all.

He found he’d only grown to love Fiddleford Hadron McGucket even more...

Two hours later, Fiddleford came swinging down. Overalls covered in a layer of grim, hair frizzled and frumpy, face red and sweaty, and a satisfying smile that just looked ethereal on Fiddleford’s face.

“How’d it go?” Stanford asked as he ran back over from his own work to meet him. Handing the other man a towel.

“Pretty good I think!” Fiddleford sighed gratefully as he started to wipe off his face. “Got that wiring all straightened out! Now all that’s left is testing her out!”

“That’s wonderful! We should test it now!”

“You know Stanford it’s a good thing I like ya so much.” Fiddleford said with a tired smirk. “Been up there all day, and as soon as I get down you want me to keep on working!”

“You know you want to see your new invention just as much as I do!” Stanford replied. “Don’t even kid yourself Fidds.”

Chuckling to himself, Fiddleford went over to his work bench and grabbed the remote control he’d built for this his invention. He let his finger hover over the main controls before looking towards Stanford.

“Hang onto your butts…”

All at once, the remote buzzed and the colossal machine burst to life. Inbetween metal panels, there was a bright green glow. Panels began to bend and shift. Massive wings unfurled from either side of the robot. For a moment the creature turned its head to look at its master. Green eyes glowing with a light that feuled it from within. Then after Fiddleford pressed another button the remote buzzed again and the creature tilted its head back at gave out a massive prehistoric screech that made Stanford’s entire chest rattle.

“Not too bad for someone who said they were moving onto computer-work only, huh?”

Stanford looked up at the massive mechanic pterodactyl in awe. “Fiddleford… Fiddlford that was nowhere close to ‘not bad’. That was… That was amazing!”

“Aw shucks,” Fiddleford mumbled.

“No, I mean it!” Stanford continued. “This is a piece of history in the making here. This won’t just change the world of animatronics, but the entire world of robots and engineering itself!”

“You really think so?” Fiddleford asked.

“I know so!” Stanford tried to contain some of his excitement, sometimes he could get rather loud when he got carried away. “And Fiddleford? I couldn’t imagine this being made by anyone else but yourself. You really did a… a fantastic job here. There’s no way you won’t take first place in Dawngrove next week!”

“Aw, I don’t care about none of that.” Fiddleford sighed as he turned off his robo-dino. “I’m only doing this for lil’Tate. He’s the one who asked me to do all this after all.”

“And I’m certain Tate will adore this too.”

“I hope so...” Fiddleford said with another sigh. Looking back up at his incredible invention. “Ever since me and the missus split I feel like I haven’t seen him as often. When we are together I gotta make it mean something. For the both of us.”

Gently, Stanford took Fiddlford’s face in his hands, pulling him away so they were looking eye to eye.

“Believe me Fiddleford, next week Dawngrove’s Robotic Royal will be a day no one could ever forget!”

Leaning in closer, Stanford kissed him. And closing his eyes, Fiddleford could feel himself relaxing.

Slipping away. If only for a few moments...

 ~~~

 Sometimes it truly amazed Fiddleford how everything was coming back to him.

At least physically if not completely mentally. He was still working on that.

He counted it as a small success though when Stanford showed him a massive mechanical pterodactyl and he got the inkling of a sensation that he’d seen it before.

Raising one hand up, he touched one of its massive wings. It felt rougher than he’d expected it to. No doubt the metal had eroded some after years of hiding it away in such an abandoned place.

“I know I’ve seen this fella before…” Fiddleford pondered out loud, still lightly rubbing over the metal as if that would help him reveal the answer. He knew he’d made robotic pterodactyls before but this one didn’t seem as familiar. It definitely wasn’t the one he made for revenge after his retirement-party-fiasco. “Did we make this together?”

“Not really, I just watched.” Stanford answered. “You made this one on your own. It was for this competition out in Dawngrove California.”

“Dawngrove…” Fiddleford said slowly.

“Yes, does that town sound familiar at all?”

Fiddleford hummed a little before shaking his head. “It ain’t there right now, but it’ll come back. I can feel it rattle’n around in there.”

Stanford seemed a little disappointed, but decided to move on. “Well you and I brought that in for a robotics competition. A battle royal actually. You ended up getting first place. Your ex-wife and your son even came and we all cheered you on.”

The mention of his son brought a smile to his face. The details over everything were hazy but he always knew who Tate was. “He would have been around eight or nine right?”

“Yes, he was nine!” Stanford said.

Fiddleford chuckled at the thought. “He was such a little squirt back then. Always hiding under that big mop of hair…”

Stanford grumbled as he looked around. He wished he had more photos from that day. In his experience with Stanley photos help jogged Stan’s memory the best. Unfortunately he didn’t have any photos from that day. He was however able to find a few newspaper clippings he’d held onto from that day. Carefully picking it up the fragile paper so it didn’t disintegrate, Stanford brought it over for Fiddleford to see.

“Look here,” Stanford pointed to the main picture under the headline ‘Super Scientist and Father Wins Grand Prize with his Dynamic Dino!’ where there was a black and white photo of the Pterodactyl back in its golden years. “If you look towards the bottom near the pterodactyl’s feet you can see a few figures. That’s me on the right, you on the left, and you’re holding Tate in the middle of us.”

The article itself was so damaged it was illegible. But Fiddleford could just make out their figures Stanford was pointing to in the picture. The picture was so old the image had begun to fade some too, mostly on the left side. His whole body was faded out. But with enough focus he could just make out Stanford and Tate’s faces. Both were beaming at the camera. Grinning with pride. Fiddleford realized they’d been proud of him.

“You two sure seemed happy…” Fiddleford said with a sigh.

“And we still are.” Stanford continued. “You have no idea how happy I am to be here with you. To have a second chance at making things right with you. With everyone.”

Fiddleford nodded but didn’t look up from the picture. As if trying to memorize their faces in case this memory never came back to him. When he didn’t focus as hard he could almost recall some things. Mostly phantom feelings. Like holding a giggling Tate close to his chest. Or swinging up on a rig, shouting to Stanford down below. Walking hand in hand with both of them…

“I’m happy I get a second chance too.” Fiddleford replied softly.

Eventually they’d seen everything they could and together, hand in hand, they walked back out of that old warehouse back into the world. They’d been in there reminiscing so long they’d missed sunset. It was already night and the moon hung low in the sky, darting out from behind trees as they walked.

Stanford’s six-fingered hand felt so warm in Fiddleford’s own. How he’d spent all those years alone, Fiddleford didn’t know, but now that Stanford was back in his life he knew he couldn’t bear to go back to the way things had once been. The world had changed so much, and they’d both changed so much with it. But Fiddleford could feel it in his heart that what they had between themselves was still as special as it was back then.

And when the light hit his face just right Fiddleford could see Stanford’s hair shine silver, and his eyes practically sparkling under the moon, Fiddleford knew in his heart his feelings for the other man hadn’t changed at all.

He found he’d only grown to love Stanford Filbrick Pines even more.

[jpy693en-blog]

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[artificialqueens]

Good enough to eat

A/N: Hey so this is my first time posting on tumblr! And this is my first one shot. It’s not too short and it’s not too long, so I hope you all enjoy it! If you have any requests let me know, I might make this a regular thing.

Summary: Based off of Bianca’s Instagram post in which Roy is filming Hurricane Bianca two and he is dressed like a teacher. When Danny sees this picture, it instantly turns him on.

Roy wasn’t nervous. He was for the first one- but for the second one, he didn’t feel any sort of nerve about the movie itself. He knew it was going to go well. I mean the first movie was a hit for sure, but number two was about to get bigger and better. Roy held his script in his hands, pacing back and forth in his dressing room whilst reading over his lines one last time. That was until he was interrupted by a loud knock. A sigh left his lips as he yelled a “come in” quickly placing the script on the dressing table and turning back around. “5 minutes” was all- said and then he was off again.

Roy didn’t even get the chance to reply, making him raise an eyebrow, but he just shrugged it off and turned back around to face the floor length mirror. He quickly looked himself up and down, smiling in satisfaction and giving a quick nod. “You don’t look a day over twenty one” he spoke to himself, smirking slightly, as he thought about how the man waiting for him at home would react when he saw him in his outfit.

Danny was laid on the sofa, his hand dipping in and out of the bag of cool ranch chips which he had set on his lap. His eyes fixed on the tv which was currently playing some random movie in which he had never heard of before, but he seemed to be getting pretty into it. He felt a vibration come from next to him, which made him look away from the tv. He grabbed his phone quickly seeing a new notification ‘Bianca Del Rio shared a photo’ of corse he had the notifications turned on for his loved one.

He unlocked his phone, waiting for the post to load. When it did he nearly choked on air. The picture didn’t show bianca, it showed Roy, who was dressed up in smart clothes, hair pushed back, glasses on. He looked of guard and he had his eyes fixed onto a piece of paper. Danny quickly double tapped the picture, liking it and then quickly went on to his messages. He didn’t have to scroll down to find Roys name as he was the last person Danny had text.

To Roy: When will you be home? I’m bored and I miss you :(

Danny sent the text, his eyes not leaving the screen as he waited for a text back, which was almost instant.

From Roy: I’m on my way home now. Been a long day so don’t expect me to be all lively and shit x

Danny let out a small laugh. He wasn’t going to be able to handle himself around Roy whilst he was dressed all cute and innocent. He also knew that even if Roy was feeling 'tired’ he wasn’t going to resist Danny. That was the way it always was. Danny would want Roy, Roy would be tired, Danny would tease, Roy would give in.  They had a strong relationship, they always had, ever since the drag race days. They had grew a close bond on the show and they couldn’t seem to keep away from each other after the show. Even if they weren’t together they would be texting 24/7. After about a year they finally got together, and it was breath of fresh air for both of them.

The thought flooded into Danny’s mind about how it had happened.

It was in December of 2015, Roy had been busy lately and Danny had missed his company. He had text Roy and asked if they could meet as he was in LA at the time. Roy had asked Danny to come over, which of corse Danny said yes to and he was round as quick as possible. When Danny arrived Roy pulled the younger man into a tight embrace, Danny immediately felt at home. Roy had lead them both inside where they both sat and talked for a long time. They just felt comfortable in each other’s presence.

They ended up ordering pizza and watching a shit load of moves. Once it got to around about 09:00pm Danny found himself leaned on Roy and Roy found himself pulling Danny closer. Danny smiled looking up slightly, being met with a pair of rich brown eyes. Roy also had a smile on his face. To be honest, neither of them had been this happy in along time. Roy meant everything to Danny and the feeling was mutual to Roy. They both began leaning in after a while, capturing each others lips. The kiss was sweet and gentle, which made Danny smile. It didn’t last too long but in both the pairs minds, it was perfect.

“Why did that take me so long to do?” Danny laughed quietly, he had now looked away from Roys face and down to his hand, which had found its way to Danny’s. As their hands intwined Roy grinned brightly. “I was going to say the same thing” he breathed, snuggling into Danny some more. “What does this mean for us?” Danny had asked after a good twenty minutes. He didn’t dare move his head to look at Roy in the eyes. “Danny” Roy breathed, lifting up slightly, Danny now had no choice but to also sit up and face Roy. “I like you” Danny spoke quick before Roy had a chance to open his mouth. “And it’s okay if you don’t like me but-” Roy cut Danny off with his lips. Danny melted yet again as he trailed his finger tips up and down Roys back. After awhile they pulled apart, their foreheads presses against one and other. “I guess you could say I like you two” Roy spoke making Danny blush slightly. And from there on the pair developed their relationship.

That brings us to now. 2 years later.

The door clicked open and danny immediately lifted up, looking straight at the passage way. In walked Roy with a Taco Bell bag in his hand. Now Danny would usually dive for the food, but tonight he wanted to dive for Roy. His blue jumper and shirt fit him well and made him look cute as hell, but then again his navy pants hugged his ass perfectly making him look sexy. His hair was pushed back and not so perfectly styled like in the photo, but he still looked so good. And the glasses had thrown Danny over the edge. He eyes the man standing in front of him and liked his lips.

“Did your mother not tell you it’s rude to stair?” Roy questioned in a joking manner. Danny kept his mouth shut as he watched Roy slip of his shoes and make his way over to the couch. As soon as he sat down Danny moved closer to him, making Roy chuckle slightly. He reached over and placed the Taco Bell bag down on the table. “You hungry?” Roy perked up, leaning back on the sofa, in which Danny followed his actions, curling up at Roy’s side like some sort of animal that wanted to be close to their owner. Danny looked up, catching Roys gaze. “For you? Yes” he spoke in a low tone, making Roy roll his eyes. “Danny iv been working all day and I’m really-“ Roy couldn’t finish his sentence as Danny’s lips found his.

The smooth sensation of Danny’s lips made Roy relax. As much as he hated to admit it, he loved Danny’s kisses, but he also knew that if they kept kissing it would lead to somewhere else like it always did. Roy moved away from the kiss making Danny moan in frustration. “Danny, like I said, I’m tired” Danny pouted, his face still close to Roys. But Danny’s pout was soon replaced by a smirk. His hand moved down and rested on Roys thigh, he slowly began to rub it slightly, making Roy tense up. “Danny baby-“ Roy wanted to speak but he soon felt Danny’s plump lips on his jaw line. Danny then made his way down to Roys neck, licking it slightly and then sucking on a certain spot, in which he knew would make Roy go mad.

“Let me help you relax” Danny whispered onto Roys neck, making the older man shiver. His lips soon found their way up to Roys, the kiss wasn’t exactly passionate but it also wasn’t rough. Danny’s hand which was on Roys thigh trailed to the zip on Roys pants. He slowly undid it, breaking the kiss and going down. He pulled the pants down and began to rub circles on Roys crotch area through his boxers. Roy let out a small moan, making the younger boy smile. After awhile he pulled down the boxers, realising Roys hard length. He took a hold of it, stroking the head a couple of times before moving his hand up and down. But his hand was soon replaced by his mouth.

Danny took the tip in slowly, teasing Roy, But was quick to take all of him into his mouth. Roy’s hips arched up and lifted of the couch, as his hands found Danny’s long locks of hair. He could feel his stomach twist and turn in pleasure. “Danny” he whimpered as Danny began to pick up his speed, his cock hitting the back of Danny’s throat. “I don’t think I- I can last much longer” Roy stuttered out as his grip on the younger mans hair tightened. Sooner enough Danny could feel Roy begin to tremble as he came undone. Roy moaned Danny’s name as Danny swallowed the liquid quickly, moving back up to Roys face, as he once again connected their lips.

They soon pulled away and Roy pulled his pants back up. His head leaned against the pack of the sofa and Danny laid next to him. “Thank you for that” Roy spoke whilst stroking Danny’s hair. “It’s okay baby” Danny smiled up at Roy and snuggled closer into him. “I might wear this shit more often” Roy smirked making Danny grin. “I’m not complaining” Danny had replied, making both of them laugh.

“Now. I want my cold taco” Danny spoke up, sitting up and reaching g over for the Taco Bell bag.