#ive been posting these on my personal blog but ppl were following me there to see more of these. which is not the intended effect but

[dogtoling]

today's idea for a concept:

me trying to fix the inkling mouth breathing problem. With supplementary text:

Inkfish in particular have a multi-layered respiratory system with several adaptations to an active, terrestrial lifestyle. The paired gills have a large surface area in the chest area of the organ sac, and are the primary method of gas exchange. However, Inkfish also have a separate air sac in their chest for supplementary air capture. This air sac is a specialized chamber developed over time from a part of the stomach, and in modern Inkfish, it is used for breathing and vocalization. The gills and air sac function in tandem, although one can be momentarily disabled, and either function can be given priority. Breathing over the gills is typically a passive process of the body, whereas use of the air sac, or “lung”, ramps up in times of strenuous exercise, or in dry environments where it may be prioritized while the absorption efficiency of the gills is reduced. On top of these two methods, the thin skin of Inkfish also allows for somewhat efficient gas diffusion throughout the body’s surfaces.

It is thought that Cephalings and Inkfish specifically first adapted to breathing through their buccal cavities in their early land stage, during which their gills were fairly inefficient. Therefore, gulping air into the stomach and intestine became a method to absorb extra oxygen into the bloodstream, which helped the early Inklings thrive and keep up high levels of physical activity in spite of their early land gills and somewhat inefficient oxygen transportation. Over time, a part of the stomach modified into an air sac and separated from the stomach entirely into a large gas chamber. This also paved the way for complex vocal communication. 

[hermitcraftx]

just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.

no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this

[clownattack]

Whenever i am told thangs abt the leech i just go. What an embarrassing person gosh

[juni-ravenhall]

is anyone im following in like weird pro-ana and tiktok dark femininity culture bc i keep getting weird recommended posts and blogs or is that just tumblr recommending it to everyone?

ive been on tumblr on and off since 2010 and somehow never got pro-ana stuff recommended to me so if its not bc of a specific following connection, that would be interesting

if anyone pro-ana reads this, genuinely as a person w a lifetime history of EDs you guys need to shut the fuck up publically about fat bodies. bc its one thing that you hate yourself but its a whole other thing to be posting anti-fat messaging in public where ppl who just happen to be fat and should be allowed to live without ever being judged for that, are seeing your content that ultimately youre directing towards your inner self (both internalised fatphobia and often internalised misogyny or queerphobia combined) and it becomes an attack on other people who havent done literally anything to deserve it. you posting about how disgusting that fat body is means youre supporting that view of anyone else with fat bodies who didnt do anything wrong. thats fucked up as hell.

its not your fault that you have anorexia and society really fucks up in continuing to make ppl feel so judged and hated for how they look or how they were born. but theres no excuse to post hateful content towards other ppl who havent done shit even when you hate yourself. post hate about the society and oppressors who made you feel this hate towards your own body instead. punch up, not down or sideways. you have the power to scream and yell about how unfair and wrong it is for society, parents and others to make anyone feel the way you feel about yourself.

i have starved myself, ive done extreme diets, ive thrown up food, at all times ive had some kind of disordered eating throughout my whole life. you cant throw this off with some kind of "lolol u dont get it". fuck your parents for not caring enough about you. fuck the people who made you feel unloved and uncared for and unattractive. fuck society for making you internalise these unhealthy ideas about yourself and your body. now join a ED recovery group and go to therapy, because you are also able to find happiness and feel okay with yourself in the future and have way more fun than sitting around fixating on looks instead of personality and interests and true friendships that dont revolve around dieting or looks

[sylsaccount]

rare ramble post

it is so hard to be like. yes i am a trans woman. yes i believe that i am biologically male. yes i hate males and i am literally kam about everything. yes i do not think of myself as a man but if someone were to ask me "does kam include all male people in general" i would say yes bc its kind of biased for me to say no and i dont think its worth it to spend the resources to figure out the like 0.001% of good ones. not that kam is a thing i realistically believe in just like. theoretically you know. idk.

its weird trying to live mostly separatist but not earnestly being part of the group u wanna separate with you know? and like. i literally dont believe in gender yet i am a gender haver. that is simplifying it for sure, its not like the way i think about things isnt consistent, but on the outside it seems like i dont make any sense. i dont get along with most rad-aligned ppl for obvious reasons, and i dont get along with other trans people for obvious reasons. ive met a lot of detrans folks lately that i get along with, but i am not and i doubt will ever be detrans myself.

ig i should say i dont get along with trans women, not trans people lol. ive known plenty of trans men over the years, some of which have been close friends. the truth is 99% of trans women act "like males", at least in my experience. and like. i just cant deal with that lol

i just made a post saying im the only real gender abolitionist so its kind of funny that i say "like males". i am not a biological essentialist nor do i like calling behaviors "masculine" or "feminine". yet any woman reading this knows exactly what im talking about. even the ones that claim to be the "good ones" that are "actually women" etc. are walking caricatures. if i have to see one more instance of that hsts slaaay yassss motherrrrr i love sabrina carpenter shit i will blow my brains out (you are fortunate if you have not encountered this group. i personally find them just as evil as those knee sock programmer catgirldick types)

i cant help but wonder if someone similar to me from an outside perspective would judge me the same way, u know? a lot of my interests are stereotypically male, i am autistic, i am kind of an asshole. ofc at the end im always like. well i have actual feminist values and i cant stand males and i always prioritize women over everything so like. its just me being anxious over nothing i think.

this is mostly unrelated but ive also been thinking a lot abt the ppl who follow me. ive had an influx of followers as of late, but there r others who have followed me for a long time. its kind of funny looking through... i have ppl that i know for a fact hate trans ppl. me being trans is not something ive ever specifically hidden, but its also not something i bring up a lot. i just realized bc of that weird anon the other day that its the first time ive explicitly mentioned it on my blog in a couple years. i couldnt help but be worried abt it! at the same time, i have some old friends i dont rly talk to anymore... a couple of which, despite knowing that i am respectful towards other individual trans ppl and that i am not truly transphobic, im sure have taken issue with the types of things i reblog and strongly personally disagree. yet as im looking over who im following, it doesnt look like ive lost mutuals from either camp.

id like to talk to more people too. its hard to dm people for me, as i think it is for many people here. i have some mutuals i would love to talk with, but i am kind of an ass, and they are kind of an ass, and thats why we follow each other, so its like... they may not even wanna be bothered like that u know? i know what its like when u have some coworker or acquaintance u like well enough but then they start trying to be buddy buddy with u and they become a nuisance. i dont wanna be that!!! i am extremely misanthropic myself so its easy to imagine being on the other end

my friend group (some irl and some online) has a little discord group chat we use. we just added someone new and its been very nice. i really do love meeting new ppl when i vibe with them...

u could say. sylvia why dont u just go meet people irl. well, unfortunately, i cannot tell people irl that i have extremely regular homicidal fantasies and think 50% of the population should kill themselves. i cant rant abt all the dystopian shit i am subjected to on a regular basis, bc they dont view it as dystopian. i cant even discuss my own life and perspectives on things because SOMEONE is going to have their feelings hurt (despite me being the one who has trauma abt it -_-). on the computer there are lots of intelligent people with interesting lives who r also kind of losers and hate everything. i like those people.

i dont rly have a point on any of this. just thoughts ive been having.

[queer-muslim-culture-is]

hi there! not a ‘culture is’ ask, rather- a question if that’s ok? firstly- i really, really want to thank you for running this blog. before this i literally thought i was the only queer muslim, or at least the only genderfluid one, and i’d felt so isolated and wrong and ashamed, but now i feel so much better about being queer and muslim. thank you…… <3

quick question for you and anyone who reads this blog- y’all, how do i find other queer muslims, online and in real life? in real life most muslims ik or have met are so queerphobic i’m honestly not sure how to root out anyone who is queer or even accepting. in other countries (i live in an African country, kinda in the middle of nowhere lol), ones that are more well-known perhaps, how did any of you meet any other queer Muslims?

also… online. there’s so many queer Muslims online and i’d love to get to know some of you, be friends or just to hear about others experiences and lives. but i literally don’t know how to find y’all, ahh😭😭

hi anon ! im so glad you found us <3 queer muslims have existed since the dawn of islam and will *continue* to exist. youre not the only one, never have been and never will be :]

.

as for finding other online queer muslims : i usually just go scroll through the queer muslim tag ! see who posts or even just likes / rbs the content there

maybe some of my followers are also looking for friends ?

**** if anyones interested, leave a reply or a note in a rb ! ****

.

as for IRL queer muslims well,, tbqh im not sure. personally i got sorta lucky. i grew up in africa as well and my two closest friends at the time both came out to me as bi before i started questioning my sexuality. beyond that, there were two cishet guys who,, didnt always say the right things and i dont think they wouldve understood my gender but they *did* hype me up when i told them i was gay and they told me they knew others like me. i also have an aunt and uncle who, although ive yet to speak to them about this, liked the facebook page for my countrys queer rights activism group (which i was pleasantly surprised existed), so im *reasonably* sure theyre chill

to try and extract some advice from my experience :

check their online presence if you can. do they follow or interact with queer or queer friendly accounts ?

discussing or bringing up queer media and celebrities is always a good way to gauge ppls opinions on the matter. you can be as subtle or as direct w this as you want, but tread carefully cause ppl can get real heated

>> my bi friend recommended me a queer manga before she came out, whilst a homophobic ex friend started ranting abt a video game trailer bc it had a gay couple in it

**** if anyone reading this has more tips, please leave them in the notes ! ****

[goatpaste]

Hey, I’m the person who made the initial callout and I’m glad to see that you’ve changed. I apologize for spreading any misinformation and have edited my post linking to yours. I’m glad to see you’ve improved 👍

hey no worries, i understand why ppl would feel the need to let others know about my past post if they worry about who i am right now

but i want to restate, that is not the same person i am now. i dont want those old post to represent me as a person. they were wrong and bad, and people are allowed to not want to be around me because of it.

However who i am at this time and place is not that person anymore. I would like to at least be acknowledged for growing and changing from that point in time. I was 18, and yes i should have been old enough to probably know better but i was in a transition period in my life a lot going on and i think i was much more on the internet discourse and letting myself fall into these groups and ideas that really were productive or helpful or kind. I took me a bit but i did eventually realized what i was saying was hurting people and for a reason, that i was not being a good ally to others.

it has been 5 years since i basically even mentioned any of that discourse half because i dont feel that way anymore, and the few times i did good or bad always spiraled with the ask and my followers and just felt like ask bait after awhile. and when i get flustered i have bad adhd, dyxlexia and autism so i tend to spiral myself where i mistype and things i say are spelt out wrong or lose my footing on topics when i get overwhelmed. most of the time i wouldnt really answer ask about if i was an aphobe unless people directly Dm'd me, which they have.

I have tried to remove old post of me saying these things because i dont like the idea of ppl searching my blog to find old outdating mean spirited things iv said, but i also havent gotten rid of it all between not being able to find all the post and part that i worried it seem like i was attempting to hide myself when its more i wanted to kill and bury this older version of myself.

but yes, i have had people pinning me for being an aphobe since i chose to be stupid publicly online 5 years ago and its something i have to accept and live with as i move forward and know it will effect how ppl who see me and know me and know about this look at me. you making a callout post was just your trying to keep the people you know and care about safe with the information you had at hand.

but thank you for understanding and seeing the change iv tried to make as a person over the last few years. i do appreciate you come to me and letting me know.

[ectology]

I have a genuine question, why didn’t you just message the artist from the beginning? Like I understand where your comment came from but I feel like fandom is supposed to be fun and if you genuinely felt a micro aggression from their art you could’ve educated them. The reason people are hating is because of how you personally handled the situation from doubling down to not taking peoples criticisms seriously. I think if you weren’t interested in talking to the artist why bother posting the art? Maybe make a text post to gripe instead of including the actual art. You’re blog is your own and you have a right to your opinion on your own blog and yes their art was cringe (although v cute style!) BUT it’s better to be cringe than mean. And I say this as a follower of your art and not a hater but some of the twitter replies you left were mean and unnecessary. I think that you got dog piled enough and don’t deserve all this negative attention but I think that people are struggling to see your remorse in the situation because you keep replying and restating your og opinions. Anyways I hope this dies out for both you and the other artist, seeing all this hate can’t be good for y’all’s mental health.

i didn't message the artist from the beginning because my comment wasn't a callout post. there was nothing wrong with the art, it wasn't a microaggression or problematic or whatever. i said a pretty mild thing about their art on my own twitter specifically so the artist WOULDN'T see it because it wasnt constructive criticism, it was literally just me noting that i didn't like something. going to the artist and being like "HEY I DON'T LIKE THIS THING" would have been pretty stupid and pointless, which is why i made a separate post. but fsr this was taken as condemnation of the art/artist or me calling them evil or something?? i dont get why my opinion on it even mattered or why that shit blew up the way it did

and no im not remorseful about what i said, i didnt say anything wrong. my regret is that by posting publicly and having that many people share it, my post got around to the artist as well which i definitely didn't intend. ive since deleted the tweet and spoken to them to apologize and clear up any hard feelings. so yeah lesson learned, if i ever have a thought about anything i should just shut the fuck up or talk about it privately. but for real ....like........... it is Not that serious. i didn't say anything particularly mean or hurtful. there are a ton of ppl who directly messaged and qrt'd the art saying way worse shit than i did so idk why im the one who got dogpiled like that lmao.

i think if i actually said something insulting or genuinely rude id be happy to apologize for it or wouldnt have said it in the first place. but yeah no shit i was being mean to the hundreds of people severely overreacting in my replies lol. i dont think i really owe anyone an explanation either other than the og artist, since they're the one actually affected by the situation, and i've already done that. so im moving on. this is a non-issue

[bigstupiddummie]

making a post in the tags to “call out” a person is so dumb and childish and stupid, so i won’t put this in there. however, the admin of @wavehq is full lying on my name these days even though i haven’t talked to them or anyone else involved in there in like 6mos. and i rly want them to stop.

i don’t have my old discord account w ss. if anyone else has ss with me in them, u can add them to this post idc how ugly it makes me look. i talked a LOT of shit ( and pertaining to this story, about sel esp ) and called ppl some nasty names and any ss will incriminate me of that. so me talking shit isn’t a ‘gotcha’ anymore. i talked shit and called sel names, as well as k, and i know sel called me names, and im sure everyone else did too. whatevs.

yk what i never did ? i never made a “manifesto” about my ex friend, or priv-retweeted their personal ooc twitter account to mock them. i never helped create and work on an rpt blog, then went and consoled the person being mentioned in nasty messages in the blog on some “oh im so sorry this is happening to you ˙◠˙” shit when it was them the whole time. the worst i did was “fuck her, he’s a cunt, fuck them”, but dream, you lied to me a Lot!

and you’re lying in defending yourself by saying i “heavily hate” sid or anyone. i never have, never did, never will. the last thing i said to sid in like July was “hey, heres my ooc tiktok, im deleting discord. if i never hear from you again, take care.” and then i left rp and the rpc entirely. haven’t talked to or even perceived any of you in months.

you want to believe i’m “bringing this up now” to start stuff or something, but what stakes do i have in any of this? you and yours drove me out of the hobby i’ve loved since i was 12, used an rpt blog to force me to defend myself against your ugly claims at a time you Knew well and good i was absent and dealing with a family death ( and then came in my dms to comfort me ??? you and k both. ) . i lost all of my best friends of several years. trust me, i want no part of the rpc anymore. i don’t want back in. i don’t want to engage. this is a nothing tumblr account that ill never use again. consider, instead, that another person close to the situation and i shared similar experiences and realized there were too many untruths and inconsistencies to let it rest, rather than just ‘starting stuff’ to start stuff.

“sid says steph crops screenshots to make them look incriminating” aye , but i definitely gave my entire discord login out, more than once, and encouraged my friend at the time to go ahead and look for themselves ( they declined at the time. i can still give the login i really do not care. though idk if the login will work anymore bc the accounts been deactivated for, uh, 6 months.) i cropped ss where earthp members were telling me how K is making them uncomfortable and how they were worried lenny was being dragged around by K, that i did do. and i STILL let k know that that’s what they were saying. i can’t stress enough ive got Nothing here that im fighting for i just think its ugly to lie for so long to everyone

“steph heavily hates sid” i do not. note the last thing i said to sid, up there ^. we did follow each other on tiktok then, and then we didn’t speak for 6 months. as of this morning, we are no longer tiktok mutuals - so it goes. sid never owed me anything. i don’t hate them. they know ( and yk what, so do my irl work managers!!! bc this shit affected my actual real mental health!!! ) that the day things went down, i left work early sobbing full blown emotional episode, writing paragraphs in desperation, to the point of overwhelming them and myself. i loved them dearly, called them my ‘spouse’ and best friend everyday, etc. though i don’t know now if they knew more about you than they let on. anyway……. please don’t just be declaring shit about me like it’s fact ?? i don’t hate anyone. not even you dream! just stop lyinggggg i hate that

ye all made me feel like i was crazy and losing myself in my own paranoia omg??? and ye were in your private chats afterward going “well deserved!!!” who even are you what did i do to you omgggg are we not in our late 20s with lives and careers ?????

if this is all bc of heddie/reddie and avengefm ? its ships dude it’s dolls it’s not real and to commit so much energy and emotion to lying to protect ur ships/rps is troubling at best. and if its not about heddie/reddie, then i haven’t a NOTION bc you and i, even when we were friendly w each other, were not close enough to create a bond to break??? i didnt do anything to you but welcome you into my writing spaces and engage in yours to the best of my ability. i was transparent with you when my activity struggled or i needed a break for mental health reasons… but what you had done with your friends is what ruined my mental health ?… go figure ….

i know who was behind that blog because they came clean and told me your connection to it as well. i know sel said nasty things about me too - we’re human and humans love talking shit. but no one else ever took it as far as you did, dream.

i don’t want anything from you! just stop lying on my name i don’t “heavily hate” anyone. outside of my shit talking from 6mos ago, i haven’t said a word against anyone but yourself; i’ve called you a liar, here in this post, because that is what i believe you are.

nobody in my entire life brings up what happened in everwell more than you and k. i owned up to every part i had ( whether directly or by my unavailability, all of it ), i deplatformed and cut out my two best friends ( people i had had in my HOME and had met IRL they were real people to me!!!!! ) and apologized personally to everyone affected, while picking out a funeral outfit and consoling my crying family. these are all my cards on table. you don’t have to respond either. just omg quit lying about me and the way i feel and what my intentions are - if a mf wants to know what im thinking and feeling, they can just Ask me.

and k i don’t want anything from you either! your names in this post because you were involved, and you know your involvement with that blog and how you also came to console me after. outside of that, i do not think of you and do not care what you think of me.

sid, i don’t want anything from u all either and i meant it when i said if i never hear from you again, take care bc i did care for u lots and also invited you into my home bc you were a real person to me. just know for a fact that anything dream says i’m saying about you or feeling toward you is just pulled out of thin air for whatever reason.

i always thought ye all were great writers!!! and so did snags and lex, way back when it was about writing for the love of writing. i would say all the time “omg dream is so funny” “omg k is cracking me up”, and they’d agree. hell if they’re at all in the rpc anymore and see this - hey guys! sorry shit got so ugly. you’ll never guess who was behind it.

i left the rpc and got mental help. i hope ye can get some help too.

* this is dream bringing sel into the Issues and tying her directly to k, btw. you keep saying you didn’t bring sel into the k stuff, but “they’re besties” “she and sel” “they want peach to drop eddie so sel can pick up eddie” this is where we’re getting that from, bc you keep saying you only referenced sel’s activity and didn’t connect her to k at all. i cropped out sids response. i can add it if need be but it’s just sid believing you.

this is where i’m pulling what im referencing in this post from. the second half is censored bc it doesn’t have to do with me.

this is me texting my irl work manager on the day sid and i last spoke. i was distraught and emotional and crying but ok yeah i “heavily hate” sid when the way everything went down broke me to bits OKAYYY

the censored names are the names of my irl managers like it was So Serious so don’t try putting words in my mouth about sid.

[cartoonemotion]

sofa. I'm trying to think of another question but im not sure. would you list some of your top 10 favorite cartoons of all time

DAMN ANOTHER TOUGHIE.. ive watched a lot of cartoons... i feel like its easy just to list more current ones/cartoons ive very recently watched but im gonna try real hard not to do that. so in no particular order:

adventure time: probably an obvious choice to ppl who know me personally. im pretty sure ive said this before but i quite literally grew up with this show, like i watched the pilot on nicktoons when i was like 9 and freaked out when the first episode of the actual show aired, and ive still regularly and enthusiastically kept up with it ever since, even to this day. i have to be honest and say the inclusions of distant lands and fionna and cake had me worried in a very cynical way about wringing the franchise dry or it succumbing to nostalgia bait but ive been happy to have had those fears handily dispelled every time. it makes me really happy to see that the cast and crew that have stuck with it just seem so genuinely excited to continue to tell new stories in the expanded universe and explore the land of ooo and new characters who live there, i think thats a good way to keep an ongoing series with spinoffs or limited series or what have you to keep from getting stale

ducktales 2017: once again anybody who knows me personally or follows this blog knows why this is on the list. i. fucking. love. ducktales 2017. ive said a million times before that i think its like a perfect encapsulation of what a reboot should be, something that obviously has a lot of love and respect for the original that its rebooting, but isn't afraid to incorporate entirely new ideas or deviate from pre-established "rules" or roles of the previous installments/versions of the characters and story, so on and so forth. i think it blends the family sitcom and action adventure elements really well together, its got a great ensemble of charming characters, i think most of the over-arching storylines it sets up are executed really well and it has a lot of fun one-off stories. its not perfect but its damn near close, in my opinion. also as much as i hate disney the corporate i do still love donald duck hes the best legacy disney character ok american moment over

the secret saturdays: i was a HUGE fan of the show as it was coming out but didnt remember much of it as i got older until i rewatched it, whereupon i found out just how much it fucking holds up, oh my g0d. i genuinely cannot believe its not more popular considering its premise, and again i think the story and character writing really hold up !!!!!! it has fantastic twists, you are immediately endeared not just to the saturday family but a lot of the other supporting characters, its overreaching storyline is executed so so well especially when you consider it was unfortunately gutted and prematurely cancelled by CN. some parts of it may be a little dated but again i think for the years it was developed and coming out there are some elements that were kind of ahead of the curve. if you havent watched the secret saturdays PLEEEASE please do !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im fucking begging you. its good

ben 10: i think ben 10 might be my white whale. for important context i was scared to death of the original series as it was actively coming out when i was like, 6 years old, only to get extremely invested in it and the "original universe" franchise in like late middle school/early high school, and then they fucking got my ass AGAIN as a current twenty-something. every time i think im out they fucking pull me right back in. i know its a dumb meat headed action cartoon for little children but the wasted potential in this franchise is nothing short of insane, i wouldnt be saying this if they didnt literally bring up certain threads and ideas in the show only to be like, actually who gives a fuck ! that being said its a premise that sticks with you forever. to quote that one post

justice league unlimited: i dont post much about superhero cartoons on here but make no mistake they were hugely influential to me when i was a kid, my dad was and still is a huge marvel nerd but unfortunately for marvel (and my dad) their cartoon game was (and honestly, still kind of is) just aaaaabsolute trash, except for the ones about the x-men, but thats a ramble for another day. it wont surprise you to know a lot of the writing staff for the justice league and justice league unlimited cartoons would go on to work on the original ben 10 continuity so they have a lot of the same issues, but i would be lying if i didnt say jlu had a huge effect on my little baby brain, arguably maybe more than ben 10. why unlimited and not the original justice league cartoon of the aughts you ask ? well because jlu is hornier, and also booster gold is there

discovery kids favorites: this is technically cheating cuz its 3 cartoons, BUT ! i dont remember them enough on their own to put any one above the other. as a kid my mom hated cartoons (and honestly most tv programming aimed at children) and hated me and my sisters watching them in the room with her, or in general, for more than like 15 minutes a day, unless they were educational, and so i felt extremely clever for exploiting the discovery kids loophole bc they were cartoons made to teach you stuff. the ones i remember the most vividly and fondly were tutenstein, grossology, and growing up creepie, which i feel like honestly. says a lot about me. i should rewatch those sometime.

samurai jack: i will not argue against the fact that genndy tartakovsky is a tremendously talented individual, and a lot of his work has been extremely inspirational to me, that being said, if given the chance, i would drop an anvil on his head. i probably shouldnt say that but i cant express to you how much a lot of his work frustrates me and samurai jack really takes the cake. i cant even talk about season 5 but a lot of stuff in seasons 1-4 has problems that i feel like should be addressed, THAT BEING SAID, in spite of it all, i still fucking love samurai jack. i have fond memories of it from when i was a kid and during the collective resurgence it had as the 5th season was coming out, i cant argue that it doesnt have a lot going for it or pretend that again it isnt responsible for a lot of my own personal artistic inspirations.

class of 3000: I KNOW IVE BEEN POSTING ABOUT THIS A LOT LATELY BUT ITS NOT JUST CUZ OF THAT ! this last rewatch hasnt been my first, ive genuinely brought up this show to a lot of people both online and irl in the desperate hope other people remembered it because it was one of my absolute favorites as a kid and i remember the visceral feeling of how unfair it felt when i found out at like age 9 that it had been cancelled and there would never be another episode of it again. i think it just came into my life at the right place at the same time, i was both getting really into drawing and coming up with little stories myself and so the art and the cast really drew me in, and i had a music teacher at the time who was really into jazz and blues music and seeing that reflected in a cartoon i was watching was so cool :v] and again i just think so much of it holds up. its a gem i dont think should be hidden

spongebob (but only the first four seasons and the movie): im almost 25 so this is supremely unoriginal. its not that i think the newer/newest stuff is all bad its just that everybody gets one thing to be unreasonably blinded by nostalgia about and for me its early spongebob. the userbase on here is aging you all know what im talking about i dont need to explain this pick

the owl house: i really like the owl house for what it is ! its not for everybody, i know people tend to think it kind of skews towards "children's cartoon that is targeted for adults who still watch that stuff" but i think thats kind of cynical and not very generous to the cast and crew, i know the show got pitched around a bit before disney picked up on it but i dont think its fair to exclude the care and thought that went into re-adapting it for a broader and therefore younger audience, and the care that went into it in general ! i like its take on the fantasy setting, both the main and minor cast clearly have a lot of love and thought put into them, genuinely i think luz is maybe one of my favorite cartoon protagonists ever, the messaging it tries to get across i think comes from a personal place and is thus very earnest and sweet, and much like the secret saturdays i think its able to accomplish a lot in the limited time it was given. the whole show just feels like a labor of love to me and i just like the way that comes through !

since this was hard here are some honorable mentions:

batman the brave and the bold: wouldnt be fair to bring up a superhero cartoon and not mention this. i was pretty obsessed with this rendition of batman as a kid, unsurprising since i unironically loved the joel schumacher batman & robin movie and liked to catch the adam west batman re-runs they would play at the wee hours of the morning when i couldnt sleep, i think brave and the bold channels both of those a lot, its deeply stupid and kind of sucks in a lot of areas but thats also kind of part of the charm

3below: so i watched the first season of this before ever watching trollhunters, and while i recognize trollhunters is on a lot of levels the superior tales of arcadia cartoon i just like 3below the best. the stakes of trollhunters can get a little exhausting and i think 3below lets itself get a bit more goofy, plus its about a little group of "fish out of water" aliens !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love fish out of water stories AND aliens, what do you want me to do

fangbone!: real sofa fans remember my fangbone phase. ongoing actually cuz hes still my icon. its one of those cheaply produced flash canadian cartoons but from my perspective i think it was made by people who actually put more effort than was expected of them, which i like, and again its another fish out of water story, and the graphic novel its based on is also very cute

dwampyverse cartoons: phineas and ferb and milo murphy's law mostly ! pnf was very impactful on me as a kid and i loved the first season of mml. i think theyve reached a kind of oversaturation maybe ? that has made me juuust a little bit jaded about them, but i cant pretend like i still dont hold plenty of fondness for em in my heart

unicorn warriors eternal: see the above points about genndy tartakovsky in the samurai jack bulletpoint. the premise is a really cool one and the first season managed to be really good in ways i didnt think it would be but theres still the second season, so im scared. i hope its good. ive got the clown make up ready to go just in case though.

lastman: don't watch lastman. we all have our own cross to bear, alright, and this one's mine. i watched lastman, so you don't even have to worry about it, i mean i haven't finished the second season yet so i will, so don't watch lastman, please. im telling you as your friend, don't watch lastman. we all make mistakes sometimes, like for example, i watched lastman, both in french and english. if you watch lastman than my sacrifices will have been for nothing. don't watch it, and don't look up the comic either. im completely serious.

big city greens: im very picky about sitcoms and sitcom-type faire, but big city greens takes i think a very flat and tbh cynical gimmick and explores it with a lot of heartfelt earnestness, its hard not to be charmed by it. just pure comfort food tv to me.

danger & eggs: fun fact !!!!!! the cartoon that made me decide to make this sideblog !!! i keep meaning to revisit it, i would recommend checking it out if you havent before, both its premise and humor is very idiosyncratic and sweet to me, again its just another show that feels like it came very a place very near and dear to the creator's heart and i just always love to see that. if i had kids of my own which i never will i would definitely show it to them

[plumblossombouquet]

after 5 long months ive logged onto this account. ive cleaned it up of any cluttering posts. i feel a lot of regret for how ive handled certain things and for how harshly ive always treated myself. i had tried to be optimistic on this blog, you can see it, but deep down i was miserable. this isnt a sob story post, it is more of an update and analyzing myself too. because to analyze me back then and me now is to see growth as a person.

tbh i was struggling with a lot of things months ago and even relapsed in things i wouldn’t have imagined i would have. this isnt for validation at all, i like writing things publicly like this, like a note for myself? idk. 

i know i would make comments about my mental state back then “how it got better” but that was never the case. it was temporary. 

to be quite honest, i will get into the real real gist of it. i had moved out of my parents place like in october of 2022. living with my family has always been stressful, i wont go into that though. my roommate was an incredibly selfish and two-faced person. there were red flags but i either hadnt noticed or ignored them. she was a complete pos, imo, and even reveled in being one. she was even gross and her sister who also lived with us was also gross. i feel bad for her cat bc she wouldnt clean the litter box that much until she wasnt so “depressed”. i am honestly not sure, i put quotation marks bc honestly i feel that she was just lazy as fuck. she was one of those girls who followed trends and went out clubbing a lot and had lots of hook ups. i dont know man, maybe i seem like an asshole but ive struggled with depression since i was a kid and still find energy to clean my cats litter box. granted, i have better coping mechanisms and thought processes and am just in general in a better place mentally but idk i love my cats to death and feel like a dickwad when i even go a couple of hours over with cleaning their litter box. she also didnt try to help with her cat becoming obese basically and stuff, so yea. sorry for the long tangent, my roommate was a dickwad.

after moving out of that hell hole (i wasnt apart of the lease so it was p easy), i think i moved out beginning of february? well, situations happen and i move out of parents place with my bf at the end of february. place ends up being fucking infested with bed bugs and the landlord lady was a bitch and so yea. i moved in and out like 4 times in the span of november 2022-march 2023 i think? tbh, that was all pretty stressful. but i think the good thing out of it was my cats are indoor cats now and i love taking care of them.

while cleaning my posts of clutter, i had a wave of nostalgia both good and bad. it wasnt that long ago but it feels like it. i loved rping hu tao and i think a lot of the reason as to why i could never rp with a lot of ppl was because i was harsh to myself and held myself back. i felt like i didnt properly convey hu tao’s portrayal and compared myself to other hu taos. it is easy to compare because it isnt your writing or portrayal. i could look at myself, be a harsh critique about my looks, but at the end of the day there could always be someone out there that sees things differently. in a more positive and less judgemental light, ig. i also had and still struggle with social anxiety. it has gotten better and perhaps it has helped that ive learned to be more understanding of myself like i am with others.

i love hu tao as a character and always will. and id love to come back to her! but tbh i have fallen out of the game and havent been playing it. i havent played the event including hu tao. i am not sure yet if i am going to make such a commitment to rping again but looking back at the posts made me feel a bit happy. i kinda like how i wrote her, i liked interacting and being goofy. 

so, there is that, i guess. 

[trixstriforce]

hello :) i saw your posts about lu and idk if you were gauging interest in people hearing your opinions. personally i would be super interested in reading what specifically about every lu character is ooc! i am similarly frustrated with the current dominance of lu characterizations in fandom as a ww fan. ive been following for a while i just logged into this side account because i am scared to ask on main :( i hope you do not mind the somewhat bare blog. thank you!

oh my god oh my god oh my god someone wants my opinion??? do u wanna make out???? u do not understand the power u r giving me rn u do not understand how annoying and nitpicky and very passionate i can get specifically about lu bc i care so much about link its unreal and also bc i just like things like linkedmaze, dimensional links, and minaslinkverse better characterization wise bc to me they have shown the "found family links meeting up" thing a lotttt better than lu when i still read it

but to be fair i STOPPED reading around the part where four split due to the way the lu community reacting to the person with DID, a very stigmatized disorder who genuinely just wanted Jojo to acknowledge they messed up in the past and present and didnt like the vauge ass apology she gave making me actually disgusted. ppl talk about accountability then rallied against 1 tumblr user who was uncomfortable bc ppl liked Jojo's comic so she doesnt have to explain that now she respects nonbinary ppl and understands how past things were wrong for her to say we just infer this bc lu good :/ like hey maybe Jojo owned up to it afterwards or something bc she made 2 apologies that would make a YouTuber blush so i was done w/ the community and it was only rlly after that and after i played a few of the actual games + read some mangas i realized wow actually i do not like lu as much as i thoguht i did they butchered my boy, also i feel i should say it literally wouldnt matter to me do what u want in ur au but lu is now a fandom of its own and its influenced a lot of other aus and interpretations of link so i do take issue w/ how ooc these guys end up being

OK HERE R THE MOST BASIC ISSUES W/OUT GETTING INTO EACH LINK RN:

for one i dont know for me having link as a secret hoarder who would rather DIE than use the full scope of his abilities around OTHER HEROS is just no bc thats fucking stupid levels of wanting to appear normal around OTHER HEROS possiblly the ONLY other ppl to ever understand what u r going through

for me having every single link act like a frat boy/standard teenage white boy who is emotionally constipated is a no??? have u SEEN link he is so sociable and kind and understanding to other ppl WHY r the links like this, so many fics just...make them stew in their issues for angst and not trust the others and be incredibly insecure about the other heros(which is lu canon for at least hyrule and wind i think?) and like ok that is definitely fine for 1 link but why r they all like this in the games link is clearly not like that he wouldn't be this closed off and wouldn't hesitate so much like my dude he just inserts himself into other ppl's lives to make them better than leaves he wouldn't pussyfoot around other heros like what

also another major issue is the mergings just lead to certain characterizations or important backstory for certain links(FOUR. LEGEND.) being completely erased and the nuance of their journeys lost like when u merge links who r canonically 100s of years apart not just in the timeline but in the GAMES? yeah u lose things that make that link special

also bc u mentioned wind waker i found it kinda fucked up that wind waker link was delegated to The Kid TM even tho his entire journey was about moving on from the past to a brighter future and he took on the mantle left behind by the hero of time on his own volition and did what Time COULDN'T do which is kill Ganon but he is constantly underestimated and made into the Kid Who Wants Approval trope specifically around Time which sucks ass ngl he deserves to be an equal him still being a kid while the others got to grow up, including Four who's first journey arguably would have been a better fit for this archtype of wide eyed kid, is just side lining one of the most interesting links especially considering most of the other links were YOUNGER than him when they started

this is all general stuff plus 1 of my issues w/ Wind bc ur a Wind Waker fan bc as a Spirit Track fan i feel a kinship, im gonna make another post for specifically each link breaking down my issues w/ how they r portrayed later bc rn it is 8am and i ment to just say haha ty for the permission but then my inner ranter came out i am INCAPABLE of being normal about lu especially after i actually experienced zelda games bc lu was my FIRST introduction to zelda outside of smash bros lol

toast if u r reading this say rip to ur dms bc i am once more gonna talk to u about a comic for a videogame franchise u only know about due to my rambles and forcing u at gunpoint to learn about link...godspeed comrade

[entropy-sea-system]

This blog and our sideblogs will be on hiatus/inactive at least for a while.

I think being online may be a bit overwhelming for us, I don't feel like we got much out of it and its so easy for us to leave servers and block people when everything doesn't seem perfect, we don't have any actual attachment to anyone online so it's easy to just leave.

And this time at least w the discord servers I don't even feel very angry or upset, just maybe left out of anxiety and feeling like I need a change in the spaces Im in. I also wonder if in some cases I eventually get tired of a space or people and need to leave, Im not used to stability, and especially have no incentive to stay when I don't have a connection to someone.

I think currently I only feel that stability with my in sys partners, and sometimes Im still not used to that, I haven't cared about people that intensely for that long until having relationships with them.

We see a concerning amount of people hold views we can't agree with, and have been blocking these people as well as just ppl whose posts were not things we were interested in / may have been things we disliked or were triggered or repulsed by. We have blocked so many followers and unfollowed or blocked some ppl we followed because of these things, and its just better for us this way.

We haven't liked being in spaces mainly with minors, but maybe that was just the nature of online aro and apl spaces as of now, and some fandom spaces. But some discord servers geared towards adults seem to imply minors are 'annoying' and I don't agree with that, it feels antithetical to youth liberation and generally just respecting people.

I just prefer interacting with adults personally, and most of the system is this way since we are an adult. I feel like Ive been around minors like for so long (body has younger siblings and we were a minor until like 3-4 years ago) that I'm preferring to be around adults because I want to feel more like Im actually an adult, and don't feel like spaces with more minors are for us.

I think maybe I just got a bit tired of being around the age group of 'my age and younger' for so much of my life its like I don't want a repeat of that. I don't know anyone I really trust outside the system(not a priority to find this either), and I've never had an older adult mentor figure I could trust in my life, and I don't even know if I want that since some older adults may see me as 'like their child' and I'm afamilial. I'm also plato repulsed and it doesn't appeal to me to just hang out with people, I may be more plato repulsed than I thought (extending more into some things seen as friendship) which is really saying something.

This doesn't mean minors and youth are prone to always having views we disagree with (although we understand there are some reasons minors may be less likely to be informed about things or be influenced by the way the world has been, but that goes for any age group and/or culture in different ways) or that adults cannot interact in appropriate ways with minors, its just personal preference. I don't feel like on purpose interacting w minors in online spaces, and I don't even seek online interaction w anyone much to begin with. I think often, we just like talking about our interests and maybe like the attention we may get from people online.

There's nothing else we find positive about it, and the way online spaces can become very invested in discourse is.. irritating and like yeah I do talk about discourse and have opinions on it (not much posting abt on main, but used to a bit more in vent channels or other channels on discord servers) myself it's just maybe I want to avoid it for now since it doesn't seem like a good use of time or energy.

I want to avoid people who very obviously have opposing views to ours or make space for those who do for some topics at least, and I don't want people to target us for not agreeing with them. Frankly, I'm seeing a lot of harmful attitudes from so-called leftists and generally people in the mogai community, especially usamericans.

Anyways, all this is to say we will probably be taking a break from tumblr and discord or at least try it out for a bit, see if it feels better than being online a lot.

(-Rift)

[1eos]

Its so weird to me that anon went you hate shinee now because you dont vibe with them anymore because like...Thats just the normal tumblr ecosystem to me😭 a blog i followed stopped talking about a band which is why i followed them and you know what i did? Minded my business and found another band blog. Why they stopped liking the band wasnt any of my concern. What really baffles me is that you never start shit these people are just talking about you hating Shinee for no reason when the last shinee post you made was 2 years ago😭😭😭 Let Miss Kendra look at Leos Boobs In peace!! Sorry for the rant miss kendra hope that photoshoot happens🙏

omg right? it's So common for ppl to jump interests on here 😭😭😭😭 'person no longer into thing i followed them for' is literally a core tumblr experience. personally i think shawols just miss me oooooooooooooooo they want me to be reblogging whatever taemins last song was like i do losing game. just let me go!! everyone stay reposting my old text posts it's like i never got terminated!!

and it's so funny that the anon was like omg you HATE shinee (i don't) implying my change in opinions happened overnight when ive been very clear that i was already drifting away bc how disgusting everyone was after jonghyun passed, and then watching ppl get harassed for not liking that shinee were trying to be thugs (something im SO OPEN abt hating) and then getting harassed for a whole day for bringing up an ask where someone said leo's more handsome than taemin (he is) and a better singer (HE IS). 😭😭😭😭😭 like why the fuck would i still want to walk around uplifting random men to godhood status and think that excuses their fans telling me to die over opinionshgfddfggghh. and it's very telling that just coming out of my delusional SHINee can do no wrong brainwashing and just seeing them normally is seen as 'hate' to someone like thanks for reminding me why i was good to get tf OUT!!! im free!!!!! speaking that cowboy leo photoshoot i saw in a dream into existence!

[ap-sadistics]

jung qvq [erqnpgrq] naq [erqnpgrq] ba yzxgjg qb? bgure guna or naablvat v zrna

ohhhhhh its funny really. "funny".

its technically more than two. i hate their entire friend group. its a bunch of bnfs (big name fans) on twitter. its absolutely certain you know at least one of them if youre in the fandom.

the thing im most irked about how they leverage their popularity for create a biased narrative against me. when i technically did no crime. i never even Spoke to the person. never interacted with them once. what i did. is vague them. for having the most wretchedly ooc characterizations for the sake of shipping a rare pair. and you see. i didnt have a problem with the ship itself. no! my issue. was that their characterization fucking SUCKED. i dont care if they called it "redemption" or "character development". it. was. out. of. character. straight. up. so i tweeted about this kid. i didnt mention their name. i mentioned the ship. and how i was sick of seeing it on twitter. i also i looked at their carrd and saw that this (this is a screencap of a screencap sooooo its old)

and i was you know what. im gonna do that. and that was the end of that

(i also was like was the hell does a kid have like 2000 followers that gives me fucking hives. bc lets be real. having a large social presence on the internet at that age when your a developing person is like. not ideal. im essentially antisocial and the idea of having that many ppl follow me for my stupid thoughts is fucking TERRIBLE. ive softblocked followers before to drive the number down. anyways i was thinking about it from that perspective. being conscious of numbers is Bad.)

flashforward a few hours and i noticed it wasnt the end of that. somehow the kid found my tweet and then supremely misinterpreted it and then sicced their followers/their friends onto my account. that tweet had a Large amount of pqrts (the stupid twitter culture thing where you essentially put on masks and stone the apparent criminal. and i was like. well this sure is a thing thats happening. and they def were twisting my words bc they screencapped my tweet and was bashing me about it. with absolutely 0 reading comprehension. well my course of action was to just go on private to cut off the engagement. what am i going to do? acknowledge what was happening with a tweet for them to twist and play the victim again? im not fucking stupid.

its really funny that after i privated i got 5 follow requests. THE STUPIDEST FUCKING IDIOTS I EVER SEEN. blocked immediately. it was really funny.

thats not the funniest thing that happened tho. you might think that *i* might be playing the victim and that what happened wasnt that big of a deal. it wasnt. but also it sucked still. anxiety causing. but anyways it wasnt just a the qrts. after i privated, one of them reported my account for suicide

this was the funniest fucking thing that happened to me. i was livid during this whole incident but this was the funniest fucking part of this ordeal. it was HYSTERICAL. for the record there was none of that kind of content on my account! this is the most mentally healthy ive been bc i wasnt in my old uni anymore. not that i ever even posted about the kind of stuff ever.

this is clearly a petty attempt at harassment right? because they couldnt stand having someone think they are annoying and that their ship sucks (i didnt before but i do think it does now bc this incident made me hate the ship actually. because im petty too! but at least im self aware about it.)

someone also sent a bad faith ask to my fucking art blog because they haaaaaad to chase me down to a different fucking platform to harass me more

and like. what happened to me only proved my point. that teens shouldnt have a large following. this teen definitely abused their power didnt they.

who do you think had the worse experience. me or them? whose the real victim here.

if you think im problematic for fucking saying i dont like a person in public without once mentioning a name? get fucked.

also this happened again. it happened a second time. bc i found out there was a l/m/k zine going on and i said im not joining it bc they were a part of it. once again unnamed. LIKE OBVIOUSLY? IM NOT GONNA JOIN? it wasnt like i was going to fucking make it explode. but people toooooooook issue. i dont get how they find the tweet so fast im convinced one or more of them or their lackeys is stalking me. i could be paranoid tho.

anyways bc this is a friend group, the kid is a friend of a certain somebody. a very well known somebody. and bc they fed all their biased retelling of the incident to this somebody. im blocked by a very funny account.

super inconvenient really

you see theres more to it than this incident tho. i have an issue with how these people engage with their follower base. but honestly its a product of the kind of social media platform that twitter is. they clearly value the number of followers they have and to say it doesnt go to their head would be a lie. theres other specifics tho thats old news. that im not willing to divulge to an anon. who are you and why are you asking about a tweet from 3 days ago anon. you have me fucking paranoid. im gonna trust the fact you used rot13. out of courtesy. but im wary.

you might be able to deduce who the pricks are from the things ive mentioned here. but im not gonna say who they are to an anon. i dont trust like that.

[spikeinthepunch]

i have my 2022 art summary queued up and just want to ramble about the last year,... lots of stuff happened, good and bad! been a strange time.

i imagine most followers around have probably been here since late 2020 but 2020-21 i did art quite a bit, but the thing that really stuck for that period was i was super involved in warrior cats RP for some time-- i love RPing and these group also got me motivated to draw too! but i feel like i kind of wasnt around in the typical way due to how consumed i was in it. i dont think i need to go into detail of every month during that time, but it wasnt until early this year where i dropped it, and i didnt really publicize in detail why due to the issues surrounding it, but it was probably the biggest impact on me this year mentally, and in terms of art direction. and i feel like itd feel good to document this in a blog after it has now blown over- and why ive shifted my direction too.

i was very happily running my own RP server for just a year before i had to close it this year and it still makes me sad, as much as i moved on. ARP was like... a very big deal for me and i cant deny that. i dont have a lot of projects i get that into or get even close to setting off with its story figured out. i wrote well over 100 pages of documents for the world and the 6 planned arcs. i drew loads of art i couldnt even share until it closed (tbh im not positive i have shared it anyways bc i didnt wanna post it here). i made a website, i made riddles and code, i developed lore that was far outside of the warrior cats scope to it basically just being original!

truly i have never developed a project as far as i made ARP and to shut it down in order to save my privacy and past trauma from being further exposed in such an inappropriate way really sucked ass. a lot. it was a situation where there was no control given to me, no sense of understanding from the community. im not writing this out now to be pointing fingers and calling out names- just venting how it took a toll on me this year. what had happened with my server was that one of my own mods decided to dig into my profiles and found an old nsfw page, which even more indirectly led to an old flist, which exposed various things i was into around 17-19, reflecting trauma and abuse id been through (in it, voiced wanting to take part in certain kinks; ex. being a victim to violence and dubious consent scenarios). this information was at first presented as a threat to minors viewing my RP page (as in "ppl can see your nsfw profile from the blog!") which wasnt true/accessible as they said it was and required many many clicks to find, and then slowly revealed to me the people exposing this were in fact two of my own mods and was promptly cut off from explaining anything else as it spread in a private mod discord in the RP community. Which was worse to me than everything else that could have happened honestly, and i only learned this second hand from a person who saw it in that discord and thought it was horrible this information was spreading like that behind my back. in some ways things were okay-- i didnt get "called out" openly as i did my best to explain how these pages were not current to those around me, and that they had dug into some deep cutting trauma and a period where i wasnt getting any help to cope properly. it still didnt stop the fact i left every other RP i was in due to connections w those exposing it, and in turn closing my own. i dont want to say im thankful i didnt get called out publicly, but the damage was bad enough in so many other ways because i couldnt continue my server at all, and in the end people's obsession with purity culture in the fandom still made them deem me "bad" because i had nsfw accounts in any capacity. thats not a space i want to be around anyways...

ill forever be thankful for those who stuck it out to the end and witnessed the documents i got to share before closing it for good. but this was a HUGE part of my life for the last years of the pandemic, and i wasnt there for warriors cats- i was there for the people i knew, and the stories i made. i still miss RP a lot, and i want to host projects like that again after moving on mentally from that ordeal.

but my 2022 art summary shows a major shift that was 100% in part to disconnecting from wcrp. humans everywhere! seriously. for a solid few months i couldnt even bare to look at anything related to ARP. i didnt want to think about how i lost this story i developed so hard for so long.

honestly didnt really start drawing properly again until the summer- my art during my HL phase was very very light and very messy. i fell into a hard depression early summer and i only crawled out when i got into mcyt- and even then i was hiding it from this blog. i think i just needed to not feel like i was "online", because August included me joining a onceler RP and again, not saying anything about it. which Weehawken was the first RP thing I had done since i closed ARP too, and it was weird. not the RP itself, it just felt weird to try that again.

and it wasnt my favorite month, i just felt so tired and exhausted- that depression was kinda lingering and drawing a lot for an RP again was something i wasnt really used to anymore.

the past three months have been.... better? or i have at least enjoyed what i am drawing more. i think im far enough removed from what happened with ARP too that it doesnt weigh on me as strongly. i wasnt blaming myself for anything but it doesnt feel good when you know you have to kill something. we talked about recovering it, i had ideas, but i just knew it wouldnt be worth trying to with so much damage caused in my own self, and the impression that whole community left on me knowing people would willingly spread such personal information without question. having trauma exposed after going to therapy and relearning how to use the internet in a way that doesnt lean on trauma dumping and whatever unhealthy bullshit? its quite a blow. i dont make personal blogs like this often because i have good methods to deal with my shit these days.

despite this messy year im doing well. its been ups and downs. overall i know im far more confident in myself, i moved out to live on my own, and im just doing my thing. whatever bull shit happened this year, call out or not, i know im still just gonna keep doing whatever it is im doing. and heres to hoping i can bring a world to life like i did with ARP again, bc i really have a lot i want to tell and show and do.