#ive been meaning to share this story for about 10 years now LMFAO

[lewhis]

STORY TIME

this would have been in 2013, when This Is Us was out in theaters. I used to work the customer service desk at a niche, arthouse movie theater (which basically meant I had fuckall to do for 6-8 hours a day) but for some reason, we got the 1D movie, which meant we ALSO got the lifesize promotional 1D standee. (I wish I could find a better picture, but it was this one exactly.)

ANYWAY. we had a problem bc teenage girls kept RIPPING THE HEADS OFF their fave and stealing it. legit, I think we had to replace the entire thing like 3 times.

to combat this problem, the owner of the theater decided to post a security guard right next to the standee (conveniently located 3 feet away from where I sat at the customer service; i stared at it a lot) during our busy hours, so as to deter any further decapitation.

I was chatting with the security guard one night (SUPER friendly lady, maybe in her early 40s) and I mentioned that I was a huge fan of 1D

THATS WHEN SHE TELLS ME that she'd worked security FOR one direction the last time they were in my city, like at their hotel. she said she spent like 5 hours sitting in a chair right outside the door of their hotel room, and these are the facts she relayed to me:

-they spent a lot of time at the open window, waving at fans down on the street

-they were VERY loud and rambunctious, like the entire time

-she couldn't remember which one, but one of the boys in particular had been very friendly and always addressed her by name

-at least one of them (I think we know who) was nude QUITE OFTEN and was NOT ashamed of it

-the one who was nude, quote, "had nothing to be ashamed of 👀"

tl;dr: I worked at a movie theater during a pivotal time in cinematic history and learned some fun inside facts from a chatty middle-aged security guard

[always-evergreen]

jasmine, primrose, gardenia, lions fairytale, lily of the valley, desert rose, creams and sky, tulip, daphne, wisteria, angels face, iris, caramel kisses, primula, queen anne's lace, forget me not, lunaria, sunflower, snowdrop, peonie, tea rose, sweet pea, love in the mist, crown imperial, cosmos, moon flower, lily, anemone, lotus, buttercup, calendula, blazing star, carnation, petunia, and morning glory 💐🌸💮🌹🌺🌻🌼🌷

whew this is a lot!! thanks for asking! ill put this under a read more so I dont clog up everyones dash

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed? - my favourite was always griffins but I feel like theyd be kinda terrifying so im gonna go w mermaids!!

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read? - not really a specific book but I think people just need to read more old timey books where literally nothing happens to calm us all down a little

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself? - I dont make promises to myself bc I know me too well and that bitch is a liar

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests? - this is actually a really cool question! I feel like the sky would be kinda lonely whereas the ocean and forests are full of life..... im gonna go forest just bc its a little less scary than the ocean lol

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? - cant say anyones ever actually hurt me that badly lol

desert rose; do you like yourself? - eh sure. could be improved upon but could be a whole lot worse!!

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done? - its not crazy but the bravest thing ive done is probably move away from home for university...and then drop out of two separate higher education courses lmfao

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself. - 1. im 5′6″. 2. ive dyed my hair 10 times. 3. im the middle of 3 siblings. 4. my biggest fear is someone breaking into my house. 5. my favourite animals are turtles!

daphne; do you believe in karma? - mmm not really... I dont not believe in it tho

wisteria; whom do you admire and why? - can I be honest w u guys? ive never had a role model in my life. never once have I looked at someone and been like ‘wow ur so cool and admirable I want to be like u’ like I just dont “admire” people idk:/

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child? - I really loved on Christmas eve when my dad would read us all the night before Christmas and the miracle of Jonathan Toomey... even when I got older and he was really just reading to my sister id still listen in lol

iris; do you believe in ghosts? - hell yeah!

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not? - maybe so that I could really see the whole world and travel everywhere and experience everything these different places have to offer but probably not bc once all my friends and family died itd be really lonely... if there were other immortals then possibly

primula; what makes you sad? - my cats getting quite old so its really upsetting to think that in a few years hes gonna die

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most? - my bitch haide<3

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life? - yeah of course what kind of sociopath doesn't have regrets!!

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe? - middle earth

sunflower; share a favorite quote. - “Don’t die wondering.” - The Way Way Back

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like? - sleep till noon, lie in bed watching movies all day, walk the dog, large bowl of pasta for dinner, more movies

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you. - “He does something to me, that boy. Every time. It’s his only detriment. He steps on my heart. He makes me cry.” - The Book Thief, Markus Zuzak… that's always been one of my favourite books and rudys one of my all time favourite characters and this was the first time I had ever cried reading a book... fun fact ive actually only read this book twice bc I dont have the emotional strength to go through this scene again

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared? - I honestly cant think of anything atm...

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why? - my friends, my pets, my dad, jesse pinkman

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read? - gotta say the book thief lol uhh fahrenheit 451, pretty much anything by ray Bradbury actually, to kill a mockingbird, the secret life of bees, lotr, his dark materials, little women, dorian gray, the shadow of the wind series

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved? - id like to have money obviously but id rather be loved than super rich

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy? - cant say that I do

moonflower; what’s your favorite color? - pink! and blue and yellow

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do? - I gave up being embarrassed about my interests years ago, theres no time for feeling bad about stuff u enjoy in life

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words. - baddest bitch alive. nah jk ummm quiet, curious, daydreamer

lotus; best memory as a child? - I have such a bad memory so I dont actually remember a lot of my childhood but ill say just in general the time spent at my grans during the summer holidays, especially if our cousins were also visiting. that was a lot of fun

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? - redistribute the wealth of the super rich, thereby contributing to ending poverty, hunger and homelessness across the world

calendula; biggest pet peeve? - slow walkers, people who chew with their mouths open

blazing star; share a secret. - I dont really have secrets lmao nothing that interesting ever happens to me

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier? - happier

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why? - again I dont look up to people and I am inspired by no one

morning glory; any special talent that you have? - I dont even have any normal talents let alone special ones lol

thanks for asking! hope this was interesting xx

[awfully-sadistic]

{{ Book Talk: The Boy Who Sneaks in My Bedroom Window

This question on Goodreads sums up my thoughts.

I don’t know what to say about this book or why I started to read it. I just did when I was looking for The Raven Cycle ‘cause I have a ridiculous crush on a character I don’t even know yet. Ronan.

Anyway, this fucking book. I thought it was like, fanfiction at first. It is certainly written that way. There is such a huge overuse of “he smirked/smirks” and “she smirked/smirks” and other cliche phrases, I’m going to throw up. There’s also an over abundance of the main character, Amber Something, calling other girls whores and sluts and basically slut shaming them for dressing how they want to dress--FOR WHICH THERE IS NO DRESS CODE AT SCHOOL, I GUESS. One of the instances of Amber describing a girl’s skirt was that it fit like a belt or something. Another instance is her putting down other girls for being loose, for wanting to have sex with her brother and his best friend. For being bimbos and ho’s and having no self-respect because apparently this author wrote every fucking woman in her school like this. EVERY WOMAN AT AMBER’S SCHOOL (EXCEPT FOR AMBER) WAS A THIRSTY SLUT OR A BITCH OR A HO after her brother and his best friend’s junk. They literally threw themselves at them, were incredibly bold with their flirtations like touching and grabbing them all the time. Like, these ladies were written desperately thirsty, I felt bad for them. All because the author wanted to portray Amber in a more angelic light or what?

Speaking of, her main love interest gave her the nickname Angel.

Oh, by the way. She slut shames her main love interest, Liam James, too. I only know his goddamn name because everyone calls him by his fucking whole name, like constantly. Don’t get me wrong, I guess he’s some sort of man-whore because he openly flirts with these girls right back so I suppose if she’s going to be calling the women sluts and whores, I’m glad she also calls Liam out for acting the same way??? So does Amber’s brother, Jake, and he’s known to have slept around, etc, etc. Basically everyone but Amber is a big ol’ slut.

Don’t even get me started on how Amber decides to take part of this stupid ass bet to “nail” Liam because he announced he had a girlfriend and ALL THE OTHER GIRLS IN SCHOOL WANT HIM. His fucking pot was raised to 4,000 dollars or something outrageous like that. 20 bucks per girl. They put in 20 dollars EACH into the pot to see who can convince him to virtually cheat on his girlfriend. Which, at this point, is Amber. 4000 dollars. 20per girl. i suck at doing math but is that like 200 girls??? IS THAT RIGHT? DID I DO MY MATHR IGHT? 200 GIRLS ARE AFTER LIAM’S ASS.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this.

I mean, I can start with how it feels incredibly juvenile. Amateurish. Half-finished? There seems to be a lot of details missing in between scenes and the scenes themselves are short as fuck. The transitions are incredibly sloppy, one second Amber is in her bathroom and the next she’s in school.

Can I also note how her eight year old dialogue was incredibly strange. It felt like an older person was talking.

A few more points:

1) she doesn’t want to tell anyone they’re dating. she makes liam wait like 2 weeks to break the news to her overprotective big brother (by two years because they’re both 18 and she’s 16).

2) her best friend magically finds this out because i guess she just does. and all of a sudden she went from thirsty ass bff to supportive ass bff and stops trying to nail Liam AND jake. wait no, she’s still trying to fuck amber’s brother.

3) she’s somehow emo. idk. she wears dark clothing and all the other “sluts” at school call her emo. and how liam will never be into her.

4) liam went from biggest fucking vagina humper to absolutely cult-like dedicated to amber like as soon as they shared their first kiss. i guess that’s sort of sweet if he weren’t a total fuckboy. he said he had been in love with her since he was six??? (which was make her 4 or something) and only slept around with all those women because he figured he’d just fall in love with someone else. he couldn’t have a chance with her because her brother forbid it.

5) brother eventually finds out and comes around like in a manner of minutes. found out because liam and amber have some sort of special technique he uses whenever amber has some sort of anxiety attack about her dad.

6) SPEAKING OF, HER DAD ALMOST RAPED HER when she was like 13.. or idk. something like that. sundays were usually reserved for “special” times when he’d touch her or whatever. basically dad is an abusive assfuck. jake and liam came home early from some kind of hockey game, saw the scene and apparently beat the shit out of the dad.

7) dont even know the extent of how far she was molested because she never fucking talked about it. im opting to believe it was that one instance and she was just milking it. idk. 

8) for as much as she went around in the first few chapters of the book saying how much she hated liam, how much she called him a man-slut, etc etc and being mean to him because oh he annoys her sooo much, he’s sooo mean, etc etc, she’s absolutely in love with him even though she’s finding reasons ...not to be. thinking he might cheat on her, get fed up with amber wanting to wait because she’s not letting him have sex yet. mainly because no one else but her mom, jake, and liam can touch her, ever, without her freaking out about it. but in the span of these few chapters ive read, two strangers have kissed her twice now. 

8a) first time, liam had to save her because she was drunk and blah blah blah. second time, she was openly flirting with a guy who was all, “i bet if i kiss you i can change your mind about wanting to go out with me” and she was all “i bet you 20 bucks you can’t and also i will kick you in the balls if you try” and what the fuck happened? he kissed her. she kicked him in the balls. liam’s like “that’s my girl” as the dude comes back limping into the room and hands her a 20.

9) “I’d wanted her for so long that I was a little worried that if I ever did get her, that she would never be able to live up to what I had imagined.“ CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THIS MEANS because to me, Liam saying this about Amber makes me feel like this can almost be an insult lmfao.

10) AND THIS IS THE SEX SCENE, FINALLY BTW:

“You are so beautiful, Angel,” I whispered. She smiled and gripped her hand around the back of my head, guiding my mouth back to hers. I felt my heart swell as I kissed her passionately, showing her just how much I loved and cherished her before I prepared myself to make love to her for the first time.

I smoothed her hair away from her sweaty forehead. She was grinning at me and looked so happy it made my heart skip a beat. “I love you, Angel.” We laid there trying to slow our heart beats. I pressed my face into the crook of her neck kissing her, feeling her rapid pulse under my lips. I felt happier than I had ever felt in my life. After a minute or so, I pulled out of her and rolled to my side. I tightened my arms on her, pulling her close to me, trailing my fingers over her naked, sweaty body, lingering on her breasts. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” I said quietly. I felt awful that I was the one to have to cause her pain, but I guess every girl had to go through that the first time.

Did this author really write “after a minute or so”? I was like, where’s the penetration? I had NO idea they were fucking until he pulled out... A MINUTE LATER.

11) everyone must be a goddamn cat or something because there’s a lot of seductive purring. and I ran into this hilarious count in a review:

Wink count: 48 Purr count: 37 Smirk count: 74 Flirt count: 38 Ass count: 91 (this one was the most annoying...everyone calls each other "hot ass" "sexy ass" "fine ass" nonstop throughout the entire book)

there is plenty more i can say about this train wreck but i think, above all, i was just... surprised it was like... PEOPLE LIKED THIS?? it even had this little thing at the end of the summary:

The international bestselling novel, and finalist of the Goodreads choice awards YA fiction 2012.

like... what... how can people pump out novels like 50 Shades and this mess and I can’t fucking finish a chaptered story? some of the answers answering that question i had tacked on above surprised me too. people were calling it “realistic” -- i had to roll my eyes. there has been no realistic part of this story since i started reading it. 

if it were, vampires would exist and they’d sparkle in the goddamn sunlight. frankly, we’d all have our Christian Grey by now, too.

and every time he called her Angel, i just imagined this:

thank you and goodnight.

[moldypieceoflasagna]

36 questions that nobody asked me

(except @lollipoppedchainsaw )

(the 36 questions that lead to love or whatever) https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I hate going out to dinner so much i probably wouldnt be able to enjoy it properly

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It would be interesting to see what it’s like for a short period of time, but i’d never be able to keep it up; i’d probably have an identity crisis

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

yes i have to mentally prepare myself 100% of the time

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

hanging out with the people i love is enough to keep me happy for a good while tbh. sitting around doing nothing literally nothing with them is endlessly entertaining to me even though sometimes i might make that hard to believe 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

i sing to myself a lot, not so much to others- although i AM a slut for karaoke

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

body because i feel thats probably what old people complain about most. plus like,, 90 years of life knowledge? sounds great to me

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

probably an accident that’s almost statistically impossible

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

single rn (ladies) but i usually try to find friends with similar music tastes because scream-singing in the car is the most fun one can have

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

im most grateful for my dogs and for my friends! i love them and it means the world to me to have people that i can call family. also i would die without my dog juno, she is my rock (and my therapist)

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not rly how i was raised, but i wish i had a closer relationship with my older siblings. Three of them had moved out before i was rly old enough to not be an asshole child, so most of them still see me as an asshole child and they never take me seriously. im glad i have an alright relationship with them, but that’s kinda all it is and i know i could do better

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Lived in Texas my whole life yeehaw. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters; 2 of them dont like me, and my relationship with the other 2 is,, certainly not bad. Had a lot of physical and mental illness in the past, but 20gayteen is definitely my year, yeet

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

either speaking a different language or playing the piano. im very jealous of good piano players, and at some point i need to be able to speak a more useful language than french because so far in texas it’s proved absolutely useless (other than talking to my mom but that doesnt count)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d wanna know wtf im supposed to do with my life because sweaty i still have no idea. passion? dont know her please introduce me

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

i wanna go skydiving bitch, no one wants to go with me! pussies!!! the lot of you

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

that one time i did an entire semester’s worth of work in the last three days of the school year

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

being able to put up with my huge fucking mouth. also honesty is super important, even if it’ll make me feel shitty

17. What is your most treasured memory?

when i went camping with a bunch of friends and they were bitter i got to be in the middle of the tent because they were all cold. either that or the time i was getting really bad sleep paralysis and @lonelywaterfall & @skity stayed over so my paranoia didnt render me completely useless,,, also the paramore concert lol ive never been more vulnerable in my life.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

coming out to my mom haha

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

i’d go on a trip around the world to explore/to see a few people, and i’d put extra effort into my gender expression

20. What does friendship mean to you?

comfortable silence is my kink. also emotional vulnerability and SAD BOY HOURS we cant forget those

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I’m such a slut for physical affection yall have no idea please hug me as much as possible and play with my hair or my hands

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

i guess ill do the same with previous partners so.. i think being funny is probably the #1 thing i appreciate in someone. when you make me laugh so hard i cry, just know that’s like. peak. also stubbornness is strangely attractive to me, plus like,,, uh having an unexpected soft side? an appreciation of art is super important, too. also SPOON VERSATILITY.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

it was probably happier than a lot of people’s but there wasnt much to it. plus being the youngest in my ENTIRE family really sucked during my childhood because everyone picked on me and i think that’s probably what started a lot of my issues lol

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

better than it could be, but definitely not what i want it to be. we both love each other and i admire her work ethic, but she gave me a lot of anxiety problems (both genetically and not) and she isnt the most understanding person. i have hope though, people change

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …

I’m hungry and sitting alone in front of my computer feeling like OVERSHARING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY MORNING, BOYS

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …

many, MANY animals and a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I’m REALLY insecure about my body xd

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

LOVE feeling safe. 

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

probably every time that i’ve ever worn a dress, because i really,, really dont like wearing dresses and that’s it

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

last cried by myself this morning and last cried in front of another person at my friend’s birthday party

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

no partner but if youre reading this im rly proud of ur attention span. gj buddy

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

i think most things can be joked about after a certain amount of time, but like,, it has to actually be funny and it has to come from someone i know isnt serious about it. if a joke is made just for the purpose of being offensive and edgy, it’s never funny no tea just truth. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i’d regret not spending enough time with people that i love, not traveling as much as i should have, and also i’d regret not formally coming out of the closet to my family (they probably already been done knew but like. yknow). i came out to myself & the people closest to me a LONG ass time ago, but i’ve kinda seen what it did to my immediate family so im not too excited to do that to my extended family. if i’m not too much of a pussy, ill probably do it in the summer when i see them next, bc ive been meaning to for a while.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

is it bad of me to say my computer? i feel like everyone else has a much more meaningful answer lol. it would probably either be that or the papers i keep on my bulletin board, bc most of them hold a lot of sentimental value (also my prescriptions  would be a pain to get copies of)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

either of my parents because i dont want them dying before i reach the point where i can expect them to be happy for me when i marry a girl

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

personal problems? what’re those lmfao dont have any srry try me again later

 i’m too much of a pussy to tag certain people so if you see this and I've had any sort of conversation with you, do it coward

(also @skity  @drawinintherain )

[g0dtier]

THANK U!! To start: I'm 19yrs old. Ok well I started work a month ago and there was an older coworker there I found attractive. Not looks, just personality. Like damn he's amazing and kind and just a Good Person. Then a few days ago he asked for my Snapchat and I was like sure why not. Hes married with kids so I didn't think anything of it. His wife is Stunning too like hot damn. But then he like ?Seemed to be flirting ya know. Flirting. At me. Like. Why. How. WHY. so I was slightly concerned(1)

2) now he's just amazing really and I can see why his wife fell for him cuz that personality is The Best. And I'm pretty open and I always connect better with adults. Always. Even when I was a kid, all my friends were middle aged adults. Idk why. Prob cuz due to life I stopped being childish years ago. But anyway, after work, I was heading to the beach. He saw on my story and asked if he could come visit before he went to work again. Why not? It's public and I trust him and myself3) Btw did I mention he's fucking 40?? Yea. Anyway while at the beach he opened up about how he likes me and he doesn't know why but it's how he feels and he leaned in and kissed me and idk what to do. The kiss was so good and I kissed back. But at the same time WTF is happening. I could kiss him forever BUT he's married. And older. Even tho I like that. He said what happens next is up to me and he'll stop 100% no questions asked if I tell him nook. hm. first of all, i want you to know that i understand (and sort of have been in) your situation completely. but also, holy shit get the fuck out of there. now.

there is nothing wrong with your feelings. honestly ive had my fair share of crushes on older people, so lmfao i know what you mean. there is legit nothing wrong about your behavior in this situation, because you like him and this stuff happens, but imma just list a couple of things on why this dude is Not the person you feel he is and why his behavior is really, really scary. It’s not gonna be fun but please, im gonna go ahead and feel like you came to me because you (hopefully) value my honest opinion, so please hear me out.

You have known him for a month. He is 40 years old. This is legal, but ask yourself, even if he’s super funny/charming/caring/seems responsible, what kind of person would cheat on his wife and kids with a 19 year old colleague that he’s known for a month? Like I said, the fault here isn’t with you, but any person who legitimately acts this way is not as charming as he seems. Especially with him having multiple kids (im gonna guess at least one is around 10, 11 years old? youre less than twice that age). Parents should be responsible and know how creepy it is to cheat on your spouse with someone who’s literally barely legal.

He is your colleague. You have worked there for a month, I’m gonna go and guess he’s worked there for several years. He has authority over you, and not just in the “he’s been here longer”, as in “if you let him put you in a vulnerable situation he could literally ruin your fucking resume. If he’s good friends with the bossman, as soon as he feels in danger/you do something he doesn’t like, he could probably get you fired AND have the bossman write down a bad review for future companies who might do background checks. He could blackmail the fuck out of you if needed. Relationship with a colleague? Bad idea. Relationship with a significantly older colleague who has this kinda authority over you? No.

Again, I know you feel like his personality is the best and he probably wouldn’t do that, but he knows DAMN WELL he shouldn’t be trying to bed you. Nobody puts their wife, kids, job AND public rep as “not a fucking creep” on the line within a month without being damn confident that they won’t get caught. Hence the blackmail part above.

The whole “You can stop this at any time if we do this” is a ruse. You can’t. He has power over you.

The “I don’t know why I like you I just do” is also a ruse. He’s 40. He’s married. He is not some inexperienced 20yo who doesn’t understand his own feelings. If he’s still in the stage of “idk why i like u i just do so i cheated on my wife and kids to be with you on the side” at 40yo and married then there’s something mentally wrong with him.

Imagine if you went and took his offer. Aside from the vulnerable position he puts you in, imagine if you fully fell in love with him. I am 100% sure he’s not gonna make it public that he’s dating you. You will be the secret. Which will make you even more vulnerable, especially if you’re emotionally invested in him. You will be a 19yo in a secret relationship with your 40 year old colleague who also has a wife and kids. This is not a happy way to live. No matter how much you like him now, that kind of relationship is never worth it and he knows it and he does not care. If he felt like you deserved a healthy, happy relationship, he wouldn’t have kissed you because he knows he couldnt provide that if he tried.

Imagine IF, against all odds, he decided to give up his wife and kids to live a happy life with you. Imagine he dies at 60. You will be the 40 year old widow.

This is not a healthy situation, this is not a life you want to live, and he knows it anon. He’s so damn sure about his safety in this situation that he went this far within a month. His wife, kids and job will be gone if anyone finds out about this and still he did it. He’s sure he won’t get hurt because he knows he’s got you in the palm of his hand. Which is logical, and 100% not something you could do anything about, but it’s super fucked up of him to do.

This is probably not the answer you were looking for, but the only one I can give. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I know that you’re probably reading this and thinking it’s not true because he’s so sweet and caring and is giving you the time to think about it, so it doesn’t feel creepy, but please look at this situation from a objective point of view and see how creepy this is.

No respectable married adult would put their family and job on the line to have an affair with someone they’ve known for a month, no matter their age. His age just makes it even more shitty for you because you’re more vulnerable now than if he was your age.

Again, nothing in this situation is your fault. When I found out about how my situation was actually really bad, I blamed myself for not noticing it sooner and not “being more mature” or whatever, but it literally doesn’t matter. You’re not the one at fault here but there’s absolutely something wrong with him.

I’m going to bed now because i should’ve been in bed about an hour ago, but i couldn’t not respond to this after getting the 2nd message. I hope you’re ok, I hope you can maybe find a trusted person to talk this over with (not necessarily an authorative figure immediately, but someone you can earnestly talk to about how you feel) and I hope to god you’ll stay away (or even just friends if necessary) from him and stay safe. This can only go wrong and you probably realize this.

[maternalcube]

tagged by @mizulekitten !!! thank :’)

RULES: >post the rules >answer the questions given to you by the tagger >write 11 questions >tag 11 people

hhh im not gonna pass this on im at a party and i gotta go fast :v

1. Favorite Place! my bed uhhh wherever my parents arent tbh. i like staying at my gmas house even tho its filthy, and when shes not there its ideal lmao 👌

2. Ocean or Space? Why? OCEAN yo i just got back from vacation out on the ocean. its, uh, a little more accessible than space lmao, also like,,, mildly less terrifying,,,,

3. Any other current obsessions besides VLD? -Since that’s why I follow most of you xD- What are they! I’d love to know! uhhhh i mean i never fully leave a fandom but i wouldnt call anything else an obsession rn, i kinda have a one track mind lmao. but im rlly into fire emblem!! and steven universe, and bioware and bethesda games… video games in general… a little bit of anime now and then

4. What was your first fandom? pdhdgbgtt i guess… final fantasy iv? really this one webcomic (and connected stories) based off it lmao, those came first. my first tumblr fandom (that included more than like 5 people) was skyrim. and i guess i gotta give a shoutout to atla because i remember watching it and loving it when it first came out, but i didnt actually get to watch all of it until way later

5. Favorite music/band/singer? i cant pick just one i like bastille, x ambassadors, florence + the machine, hozier…

6. What are you proudest of? my writing! also simultaneously my greatest shame lmfao

7. Any childhood dreams/phases you wanna share? huh……. i dont know actually………….. for the most part the stuff i rlly wanted to do when i was young is like, stuff im doing. dunno. i wanted to be a plastic surgeon when i was three and stuck needles in all my dolls.

8. What got you into VLD? i mean……. tumblr. i dont remember how it crossed my dash but ye. but it was like,,, extremely obvious that it was gonna be something id love and whaddya know. its been a year now….

9. Favorite book? If none, favorite movie? (Or both) PACIFIC RIM. i cant even begin to pick a fave book tho lmao

10. First fandom? you already asked this :o

11. Ideal date! idk…. go see a movie? get coffee/lunch after and talk about it (read: tear it apart). that sounds fun.

uhhh yeah again im not passing this on so…. hrgjrkflfjr bye