#ive been meaning to draw him too but until then here's this <3 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tossball-stick · 2 months ago

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heyy i saw your latest post about john's aromantic trutherism and i didn't exactly understand what you mean by that... could you explain? i too don't think he is actually in love with abigail if that's what you were saying...?

hiii!!! 1: thank you for asking about this im excited to write and analyze him in this way

2: plsplspls get the idea outta ur head that aromantic people cant love. noooo i couldnt have been misunderstood more. i wanna clarify that i do think john loves abigail. i just dont think that love is all that romantically motivated and ive got a few reasons to believe so.

3: uhhhh uhhh this ended up being like 2.5k words of analysis on john im sorry. no one on tumblr has asked me my thoughts about him before so this is the first time im talking about a lot of the stuff here and theres so much ive thought about johns character and its all messy and intertwined. itll be a little all over the place. i am deeply sorry.

okay. first reason? hes otherwise not much of a romantic. whether he wants to be or not, he falls flat on his face every attempt there is at being romantic with abigail (rarely do we see him be romantic with other women) is usually met with disdain, if there even are many to begin with. its rare to hear john say something pleasant about having a woman, and its rare to ever witness them having a good time together while in the gang.

...up until the epilogue and john gets his shit together. but by that point i could argue further analysis as to how john isnt wholly himself by that point. hear me out.

john and arthur are two halves of one whole to me. its clear theres some sort of void in john after arthur dies, and he still holds the memory of arthur very very dear. he does his best to keep the memories alive, in fact, in a way to keep arthur alive.

this starts extending to some kinda interesting parallels, though. writing and drawing in arthurs journal like he did, the hat being placed on johns head, john proposing with marys ring, the phrasing and tone of johns proposal is also shockingly familiar to arthur telling john that itd make him happy if john went to his family... after arthurs death, i find john taking on many of his traits even. he becomes more quiet and closed off, we see it even in rdr2 with arthur telking him to "knock it off with the whole being mysterious thing" or whatever. arthur claims its to act like dutch, but ill do you one better, its clearly just john idolizing his older brother and trying to be like him to be a proper man. this brings me to my next point...

the time period of rdr2!!! yayyy cowboys, the victorian era, Did u know. being a man was something you had to do in previous american and european cultures? this slowly started fading as we roll over into the 20th century, but there was a lot of emphasis placed on performing your role as a man. to be a good man, you must do xyz. otherwise, you are seen as immature, as a boy, as a child.

throughout the entire series of red dead redemption, both 1 and 2, theres a lot of stuff pointing towards jogns struggle to Be A Man. arthur and dutch frequently refuse to let him grow up, still calling him "little john" and still treating him like hes a rowdy unruly boy that needs to learn better, not a man who should know better. hosea is the only man treating john like hes a man, and even then id say hes fairly lax with the guy. only as the story of rdr2 progresses do we see arthur start to shift his view towards john. not as a boy to stay a boy, because the gang isnt gonna be around forever. john cant keep being a boy. he needs to become a man, take care of his family.

working off a distinctly gentleman influenced view of masculinity, johns inability to be a man is almost directly tied to his inability to be a proper romantic for his wife. compared to arthur, who is seen taken women on dates and flirting with them just to make them laugh at times. hes dancing with the ladies and helping them up and down the coaches, wagons, and horses. john like. just barely remembers to do that for abi in the epilogue. again, his failings to be a true romantic are tied with his failings as a man.

in rdr1, this even extends to bill having the bit of dialogue, "you always were a scared little boy!" continuing to imply that john is not a man, hes never been a man. the only reason we can read him as a man Now is because we are going by arthurs definition of manhood. we can extend this further and say bill still views john as a boy because john does not live up to bills expectations of manhood- while arthur may view being a man as something chivalrous, more gentlemanly, bill clearly views masculinity as power and violence, without much to do with women. john does not live up to that, to bill, until the end.

if you read "masculinity" as "being romantic and chivalrous towards women", then, as john fails at being a romantic, he too fails at being a man. there are a lot of other ways john is immature and childish but this is a really easy one to point out if you know the time period and just how much emphasis was placed on both romanticism and manliness, and how they intertwined.

third reasoning for aro john: his family wasnt his for so much of his life. this one is another one that needs a bit of elaboration i fear.

the story of john and abigail getting together is simple enough. she joined the gang at 17 as a sex worker, slept around with some of the gang, then for one reason or another, very clearly believed that the pregnancy was johns. john runs away for a year.

in this time, we dont know a whole lot about what gang life was like without john. however, with arthurs comments about marrying abigail himself and loving her, and his close relationship with jack, i think its pretty clear arthur was the one being a man in johns place. when john left, there was a john shaped hole arthur had to fill. (i also like to think this because the potential misery of arthur having to lose his family a second time once john returns is fun to me.)

even in the story of rdr2, we see john Love and Care For his family, but its never in the same, romantic way arthur seems to involve himself in abi and jacks lives. john will defend them with his life, but when it actually comes to pulling himself up by his bootstraps and being a father or a husband, he kinda just drags his feet and gets lost. he has to be told to reunite with his family at jacks party, despite, in my eyes, his love for jack being very clearly displayed while they were looking for him.

this is only bolstered by the conclusion of rdr2, with john and arthur on the mountain. arthur, in all his holy parallels, like jesus passing the virgin mary off to john the beloved, arthur tells john it would make him very happy if [john] went to be with his family and left. arthur is passing his family off onto john, the same as jesus passed his family onto saint john. (this one hits harder if you know the rest of the "arthur is jesus" parallels and symbolism but i feel like those would be more impactful as a web weave, and i cant make one right now haha. most obvious one i can think of to support this though is arthur being a scapegoat, dying for the gangs sins.) remember these points they are the most important and will come back later.

reason number four: "but javier-!" shhhhshshsh lemme talk. yes. john is infinitely more intimate with javier than abigail. however, again, we must take the time period into account.

not that far off from many disgusting redpill communities today, back in the 1800s it was typically expected for men to socialize with men and women with women. there was a certain level of bonding you only had with your wife, as well as a certain level of bonding you only had with the men who were close to you.

i have got to grab this fandom by the shoulders and say rockstar did not make these men as affectionate as they should have been with each other, and thats completely platonically. this is taking romance out of the equation, these men considered each other brothers and family. they were all in a cult together. they would have been very close, and also very affectionate! they would confide in each other and hold each other and cry to each other. they would make gifts for each other and sing and dance together. you can at least see them all pass around beer bottles between each other.

do i think john and javier are closer than most? yes absolutely. do i think javier is in love with john in some way? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ehhh maybe. do i think john loves javier? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ....noo not really. their whole dynamic reads as one sided through and through to me. even if they ever got together im sure they were quickly apart again, and i doubt the relationship would have been fulfilling in the ways javier would want, leaving him longing still.

the "ive always loved you, even now" immediately funneling into a crate being shoved onto john to knock him over can also be metaphorical- javiers love is disarming to john Because he does not know how to react to it. hes never known how to react to it. hes never known how to react to love from anyone, because "love" seems to feel so much different for everyone but him.

reason ff. fiiiiive. dear god. im sorry for this being this long: john loves. he clearly loves very hard. he was clearly wrecked by arthurs death, he would clearly crawl through hell for his family, he was clearly hurt because his love for javier eventually stabbed him in the back. however, to me, a lot of this love feels similar to the love john has for dutch, or arthur, really. its familial, its platonic, it sure as hell isnt romantic. (even if the games themselves like to joke about it being so lol.)

its just clear to me that he loves. he cant not love jack and abi after everything hes done for them. he cant not love javier after being so close for so long. but in the same vein, he cant not love dutch for the same reasons. ysee what i mean? his devotion to his wife and child feels identical to the devotion to dutch, compared to arthur, whos devotion to eliza and isaac directly went against his devotion to dutch.

much like with dutch, where john was still seen as a boy, he will ferociously do the big things for his family (saving jack, defending the ranch, tackling gangsters and robbers). he will almost always fail to do the little things that would make him a true man, though. yknow. winding down, relaxing, just working, not getting involved in fights. spending some time with his family maybe.

he can shape up and be good, he just never does.

and i think thats why hes so torn between leaving on his own, leaving with his family, or staying with the gang. theres no difference between romantic, platonic, or familial love for him. when arthur tells him to go be with his family and john replies "youre my brother" its not only announcing arthur as family, but i think it only reinforces that blurred line of what love is for john. "i love you the same as them, why must i leave you behind? if they are family and i love them, then you too must be family, for i love you."

point six: i hope you remembered the first few points like i told you to. you did remember right

this brings us back around to john not being a man by not being a romantic, arthurs family being passed off to him, and also john not wholly being himself later on. in the epilogue, between 1899 and 1908, we hear about how john has been unable to avoid trouble and has them on the run still. whenever abigail asks something of him, he instead goes and does what he wants. its only after she leaves him (ultimate failure of being a man) do we see him start to shape himself up again, and i would argue this shaping up increases substantially after he reunites with charles. charles sets him on the right path and reawakens that memory of arthur. i imagine being close to blackwater also helps here. id argue due to charles' apparent closeness with arthur, and then sudden closeness to john due to john being all thats left of arthur... it makes john also feel like hes all thats left of arthur. i believe after speaking with charles and thinking to himself, he decides to fulfill the one dream arthur had, seemingly, at the end: take care of the family he had lost. well, eliza and isaac are six feet in the dirt so next best option: abi and jack.

john starts to become quieter and more in his own shell- by rdr1 hes struggling to even really ask people for help with the most basic things. he becomes a lot more of a romantic speaker. he had always used fancy words with the gang, but never with charismatic purpose in the way i feel he does in rdr1. he starts making the decisions he thinks arthur would make. as a result, the hole that arthur left behind when he died, does not get filled by john. instead it simply gets filled with whatever arthur john can muster from within himself.

id also like to bring up john being the favorite, but not the golden boy. he was the youngest and most spoiled, but he was not the one dutch turned to for just about everything. he was still living in arthurs shadow, so i imagine all of that also plays a role in johns choice to live like arthur to get his family back, to be a man. he failed at being a man by his own merits. arthur was a real man by his own merits, lets just do what we've always done and look up to our older brother about it. copy what he does. clearly hes got it all figured out, even though you know he didnt, after reading the journal.

this all is finally bolstered by john making the choice to kill micah and repeat the VDL cycle of violence, which ruins the perfect life he made for himself. he makes another decision HE, not arthur, HE would make, and thus has to deal with the consequences.

in conclusion: i think john loves a lot and very hard. hes passionate about these people. but in his own words towards javier that start to become readable as projection, "hes a cynic that wants to be a romantic" and "hes all passion, no love ('no love' being how he perceives it, due to the views of those around him. he loves abigail and jack, he loved arthur, though because his version of love was different than theirs, its not read as love. therefore, he has none in his own eyes)."

all of this coupled with a detached attachment style that leaves him cold and distant leaves him being tugged along in romances he truthfully does not feel the same about. he says he does, because he loves, but he doesnt know why the love isnt the same. so, clearly, since he loves, he must want the romance. he has to perform it for love regardless of if he truly does want romance or not. if he loves, he must be a romantic, and hes failing at being a romantic, so he cant be himself. he must be someone else in order to convey his love to his family.

i hope i got everything across alright ^-^ feel free to ask questions or send more asks ive got plenty more where that came from

#john marston #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #rdr #rdr2 #rdr1 #red dead redemption analysis #rdr2 analysis #red string on the corkboard #if anything ive written is insensitive towards arospec people lmk and ill fix it ^-^

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emerxshiu · 8 months ago

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FORGOTTEN LAND'S SECOND ANNIVERSARY :3

I AM SOOOO BACK

I started this drawing yesterday around afternoon and finished it just a few minutes earlier.

I went with a messier type of drawing instead of more clean like the elfilin one from yesterday, i find it fun doing it like this, mostly cause i dont have to worry about making it perfectly so i dont get as frustrated as normal. Id place this one as my second best digital drawing. im pretty sure i havent posted what i consider my best digital drawing here, tho i do have it in instagram, i might post it here one day, tho these two are way too tied up, i love how this came out, its not exactly like how i imagined it but its really close to it, and also itd say that since i dont tend to play around lighting that much, this was such a joy to draw and i cant help but stare at it a lot, at least until i start hating it because i made quite a lot of errors. i also changed my elfilis gijinka just a tad bit from last time, but its not that big of a difference, mostly.

ofc i had to draw elfilis for forgotten land's anniversary, i tend to deny it in my head but yeah they're my fave of the kirby characters even tho i hate them a bit. I wanted to draw some more doodles, like, elfilis eating cake, kirby car, a bunch of other stuff (not elfilin cuz i already drew him yesterday) but when i tried i couldnt draw anything more, guess this drawing burned me out a lot, huh?

you can definitly tell i spent all the efforts on him cuz if you look a bit closer to the bottom part you'll see its almost barely detailed, but i mean, they're the focus so make sense i guess for me not add that much detail there. um also, maybe because i dunno i had OVER 130 LAYERS jeez no wonder firealpaca was slowing down so much, i need to manage my layers better next time, tho i did do something i keep forgetting, wich is naming them (most of them at least) that was a real life saver

Also, antares (fecto elfilis' spear/cadaceus), as always, was a pain to draw, but this time its probably been draw the most accurate out of every other drawing ive made with it in it, i didnt notice it was like, a little curved when it reached the blade

some close ups since his face is a bit hard to see

silly :3

fun fact! actually, this is technically a redraw, somewhere around between february and march i started a fecto elfilis drawing for the first anniversary, but i couldnt finish it in time, and i never finished it

thats...quite the improvement! (i remember being so proud of it)

also his wings are like that cuz i did not want to draw the pattern, its way too hard, i literally copy pasted it, wait, i was talking about the 2024 version but i looked at the 2023 one and i just noticed it also has the pattern copy pasted, i guess some stuff never changes since i still abuse the ctrl+c ctrl+v to this day

Also i ended up making a huge error there, i was planing to add the phantom spears from orbital pulsar (the attack he does first when you battle them at lab discovera) but theres an innacuracy, when they do the attack, they always close their eyes, i had actually sketched him (well i mean both these drawings are basically the first sketch (2023) or second sketch(2024) with some color, shadows and lighting. i didnt do lineart in the 2024 one cuz i wanted to be a bit like the og i made (too bad i sketched that one with black since the og was sketched with white due to me drawing the bg first)) with his eyes closed but them decided to make them open for a reason i cant remember, maybe i thought itd look nicer? idk

ive had the idea of redrawing this for quite some month now so it was kinda already planned

background cuz i think it came out really pretty

doesnt have the little stars since without elfilis and the structures it looks fucked up. the actual sky in game is more blue, but the clouds have some orange, in the 2023 ver. i made the sky orange, and in the 2024 ver i wanted it more accurate, but i didnt wanna loose the orange sky, so i did a gradient. pretty...

also here's a screenshot i took when i was like halfway trough it, its barely noticeable but i changed his mouth in the final drawing

I really love katfl, like a buncha whole lot, its basically almost my first mainline kirby game. 100% the demo, finished the game in almost one day, i literally play it monthly, like, every month i put the card in my switch, start it up, get morpho sword, and go shred elfilis in lab discovera. i would probably not even be here on tumblr and the kirby fandom if it werent for it. and i love it so much i genuinly cannot express how much i like it and treasure it with words or anything

Thank you for reading my unnecesarily long rambles lol

I hope i'll post tomorrow and dont forget like usual

Jambuhbye!

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08melancholie · 1 month ago

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Honeysuckle and Whiskey. — Micah Bell/OC

tags: Mid-Canon, Video Game: Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018), Chapter 1: Colter (Red Dead Redemption 2), Chapter 2: Horseshoe Overlook (Red Dead Redemption 2), Chapter 3: Clemens Point (Red Dead Redemption 2), Chapter 4: Saint Denis (Red Dead Redemption 2), Chapter 5: Guarma (Red Dead Redemption 2), Chapter 6: Beaver Hollow (Red Dead Redemption 2), How Do I Tag, Fluff, Angst, Smut, Angst and Fluff and Smut, just a dash of smut, mainly fluff and angst, Abuse, Past Abuse, Abusive Relationships, past abusive relationships, Grooming, Implied/Referenced Grooming, Pedophilia, Implied/Referenced Pedophilia, Colm O'Driscoll Being an Asshole, Torture, Burning, Stockholm Syndrome, descriptive torture, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, or a secret fourth thing, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Romantic Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Attempted Sexual Assault

summary: Closed-off and rough; mean and unforgiving, uncaring and simply horrible. The apathetic cowboy draws himself no attention, usually. He's always sat around camp, slumped over a table or bent down, elbows on his knees as he cleans his guns or sharpens his knife, carving the one same piece of wood for days. He didn't talk much; he felt himself way too high above the others to even converse—exception being Dutch.

That's who Micah Bell was, simply. She couldn't change it.

Micah Bell is a threat to anyone that crosses his path, and Melody knows it. So why has she gotten herself so involved with the outlaw? She tried to keep to herself countless of times; he hated her, she wasn't a pure American and that alone should have been enough to draw her away—and yet it simply never did.

Maybe it was just a rebound, wanting to feel something after feeling nothing from her horrible, previous partner—similar in many ways to the blonde cowboy—for years. Maybe it was his careless and cocky demeanor she never failed to give a chuckle to. And maybe, it was something more. She was going to figure it out, one way or another. They would; together.

a/n: ive had this cooking for months and this is the first of it im posting so im VERY nervous... :( it was going to be a long oneshot at first BUT im forcing myself to do it in chapters so that i have to continue writing it because ive neglected it for months now. also tags are going to change a lot probably

words: 2,658 | AO3 LINK I. — MASTERLIST

The wind picked up quicker than before as Melody rode along Colm through the storm. She could feel her body shivering no matter how many layers of coats and undershirts she put on before riding out. She gently brushed her horse's nose, trying to comfort her through the storm. "You reckon we're gonna find it soon? Joey said it's nearby.." She spoke up, looking to the man to her left.

"Surely. Hold on a bit longer." He replied coldly, riding his horse through the piles of snow effortlessly. She picked up her pace too, riding alongside his steed. "We gotta push a bit more." He added, his gloved hand rested on his lap.

She continued riding until the blizzard started clearing off, and they had a better view of the landscape before themselves. That's when he and Melody both noticed it; an abandoned outpost, exactly what Joey found before parting with the gang to seek it out. "Is that it?" She asked, hand hovering over her forehead to get a better view and block out the snow falling from above. "It sure looks like it."

He halted his horse next to her. "Must be it, c'mon." He ordered, and she followed him down the mountain.

They hitched their horses outside, and she followed close behind Colm. With her hand on her holstered revolver, Melody snuck around behind Colm, checking rooms with caution. "Clear!" He yelled to the rest of the gang, who moved their carriages in and hitched their horses next to their own. "Good job spottin' this gem. I'm sure Joey will be here soon." He says to Melody, taking a cigarette out of his box and offering her one. She nods, taking the offered cigarette and popping it into her mouth.

He manages to light a match on the denim of his jeans, holding it up to the tip of his cigarette "I sure hope so. We ain't seen him a few days." Melody comments, letting him light her cigarette soon after his own. "We already been losin' too much folk." She adds.

"Don't you worry. I've got it under control; those were necessary sacrifices, child." He says, his words not as reassuring as she'd hoped. Still, she nods with a small smile at him and watches him return it.

She moved her few things into the cabin closest to Colm's—by his command. Melody huffed as she finished setting everything, walking out to check everyone else's progress. She observed them with another cigarette hanging from her mouth. "You done unpackin', kid?" Colm came up behind her, hands rested on his hips as he watched everyone work alongside Melody. "How quick you are." He adds.

Melody just chuckled, blowing smoke into the cold air above. "Yes, I'm done. Do you need any help? Anything I could do for you?" She asks him, awkwardly fiddling with the cigarette between her fingers.

"Maybe." He replies, placing his hand on her shoulder as he continues watching. "Got a train 'round here that needs robbin'. Buncha snobby, rich nobodies." He explains. "We need dynamite. I got a plan on how to rob 'em."

"I'm sure I can find myself a general store nearby, I'll buy some." Melody replies, puffing a cloud of tobacco into the air.

He firmed his grip on her shoulder, his grip tight. "Attagirl." He whispered into her ear, and she just exhaled with a weak smile. "That's why you're my favourite." His breath brushed against her ear, and it made a chill travel along Melody's spine.

First night in her own cabin was weird, everything about it—from the cold temperature swearing to kill her of frostbite, to insomnia from fear they were occupying someone's outpost and would be shot in their sleep—just felt off, and Melody found herself tossing in her restless state on the mildly uncomfortable bedroll.

So much has happened in the last few weeks; from having to move camp a dozen times, losing a few weaker members in the process—to Colm's weird obsession with a rival gang rising again after he swore they were done with it.

Melody got up and stretched her legs out, anxiously lighting her fourth cigarette today for any sense of warmth it'll offer. "Fuck this damned storm." She looked out of the window as the specks of snow danced around the air, covering more ground and raising the snow level, little by little.

She finished the cigarette in a few minuscule minutes, and climbed back under the thin covers, trying to get some shuteye before tomorrow.

"You sure you ain't wanna come, Melody? It'll do you good to go out'a bit." Colm straddled his horse, looking down at her before him as Melody stroked his horse's nose.

"I'm far too tired, Colm. Plus, I need to get started on some chores and.. fixing this place up a bit." She replied, looking around at the buried outpost grounds, covered with thick layers of snow.

He chuckled, a sense of lust in his eyes as he looked down. "That's my girl; always so hard workin' for old Colm." He praised. "Someone's gonna have to reward you nicely for your contributions." He chuckled slyly, making Melody scrunch up her nose briefly. "Well then, I'll leave you to it." He urged his horse forward with a swift kick in the ribs, leaving the camp grounds.

Melody sighed, turning to make a mental note of all that needs to be done around camp before starting her round of chores, running on one cup of warm coffee and two hours of rest. Just great.

Colm returned in a few hours, a crate of province and some dynamite on his horse's back. She walked over to him, grabbing the province to put it away. "Hey. You got the dynamite?" She questioned him.

He hitched his horse, taking the dynamite and walking close by Melody, towards his cabin. "Yeah.. Figured I'd get it off your hands since I knew you'd be workin' hard by the time I was back," He responded, chuckling. "and I see that I was right, my good girl's being very productive, ain't ya?" He opened his cabin door with his elbow, placing the dynamite in the corner.

Melody chuckled nervously; his words leaving a distaste in her mouth, per usual. "Well, thank you Colm." She replied simply.

"Anything for you, child." He walked up to her, placing a firm grasp on her shoulders again. "I saw someone all too familiar while ridin' to the store." He announces, releasing his hands and placing them behind his back.

"Do tell." She answered, sitting down on his desk, swaying her feet off the edge slowly as she hunched over and placed her forearms on her knees. He turned, a mischievous grin on his lips.

He paces around the room. "Little ole Hosea Matthews, saw him on my way there." He answers, and Melody is taken aback by his words; which Colm just chuckles at. "Yeah, I'm surprised he ain't seen me."

She cocks her head at him. "You reckon he ain't recognised you?" She asked. "All them years of conflict, you sure he ain't just ignored you in hopes of gettin' out in one piece?" She chuckled briefly.

He stops abruptly, laughing. "Oh, sweet child. You're quite funny." He walks over in her direction. "You could be right." He says, placing each hand on one side of her body, which stiffens at the contact; now trapped on the table. "You know, you're such a smart girl, I could lis-"

A not-so-distant gunshot goes off, scaring both people in the process. "The hell..?" Melody mutters, awkwardly slipping away from his entrapment to a window. "I reckon my theory was right.. except he also snitched." Colm walked up behind Melody, looking out of the window.

Outside stood a fraction of Dutch Van der Linde's gang; Arthur Morgan, Micah Bell, Hosea Matthews and—of course—Dutch himself.

"Ah, fuck." he cursed under his breath. "Okay, girl. You go cover me while I.. I need to move away from the area." He explains frantically.

"Yeah.. Yeah I can do that." Melody says—already used to this by now—and, taking her revolver out of its holster swiftly, walks up to the door. She opens it slowly, leaving it ajar for Colm to slip out as she starts shooting back, catching the leader's glimpse.

His accuracy is almost perfect as he glazed both a strand of her hair just above her ear and immediately catches on to start shooting at the door she finds shelter behind. She takes a shot of her own, missing the first but taking his hat off just above his forehead as he ducks.

The shootout was brutal; only a few of Colm's members survived it, with some successfully hiding away from the area as they searched the outpost. Melody watched them take the train plans, along with their dynamite, and hurry off while boasting about it all, feeling victorious.

"How is it my fault, Colm? I did my best to protect you, I managed to shoot one in the arm, too!" Melody defended herself against Colm's usual outburst when things go wrong; where he blames every soul but himself, no matter if it's nobody's or everybody's fault.

He grunted angrily. "I don't care! They took the plans, and we have to move again!" He complains. Melody opens her mouth to protest, but is met with his hand high in the air before her—threatening to strike; something she's all too used to. "Don't. I don't wanna see you talkin' back to me." He ordered firmly.

And yet she still attempts to speak—like the fool she is. "Colm, I'm just trying to-"

And there it is. She's met with a hard, rough slap of the back of his hand, knocking her to the floor as Melody clenches her rosy red cheek, already teary-eyed. She opens her mouth to apologise, but decides against it as she notices that look in his eyes. He shakes his head in disapproval at her on the floor, choking up a silent sob. And so, she just gets up and walks out to pack her things.

Packing didn't take nearly as long as expected; calming herself did. She had everything in one crate, and was sitting on the bedroll in the cabin with a burning sensation on her left cheek, and a few slow tears trailing her cheekbones and falling into her lap. This was like routine, really; he'd get mad and take it out on her, leave her alone to sulk and then-

The door opens slowly, and Colm's body slowly steps inside—like clockwork. "Hey.. don't be cryin' on me, my sweet Melody. You know.." He sits down on the bedroll next to her. "You know I do it out of love. You know I sometimes lose my temper, don'tcha?" He asked, interwinding his hand into Melody's, rubbing the back of her hand.

"Yes, Colm." She replies simply, looking down at the floor.

Another teardrop meets her lap and she quickly brushes her face with her sleeves.

"Look at me." He commands, placing a uncharacteristically gentle yet firm hand on Melody's chin. "I love you. You know I do." His voice is as firm as his touch, and she just silently nods. She can't help wondering if it's even close to true sometimes. You don't treat someone you love like this, she's well aware of that much. "Good. Good... And you love me too." It's less of a question, and more of a fact to him.

Melody chokes up a response to break the silence. "I do, Colm." She holds his hand just as firmly as he stands up. "Let me get your things, child." He takes the crate off of the nearby table. She just smiles downwards, walking beside him. And that's how the routine ends, every time.

"We'll drive the wagon, girl." He calls out as Melody start straddling her horse. She looks at him with protest, opening her mouth to talk. "Ah Ah.. C'mon, you're with me. Cassidy'll take good care of your horse." He taps the seat on the coach next to him-and she can't not-oblige, leaving the reins in Cassidy's hands reluctantly. "Attagirl." He watches Melody sit down next to him.

The ride to a new spot is painfully long, and Melody is shivering throughout the whole thing-despite having multiple layers of shirts and jackets and putting gloves on her hands this time. "Where're we goin'?" She asks him, breaking the tense silence among us.

"Off the mountain; there's a spot I scouted out." He replies, hands gripping the coaches reins firmly. "It'll be better for all of us to get out of the cold." He looks at her shivering quickly, snaking his hand around Melody's shoulder and pulling her closer to him.

She obliges and scoots closer, resting her head on his shoulder. "Thank the Lord, then." She snickers, and he exhales with a smirk. "I'll be more than glad to be off that damned mountain.

"Oh, I know; you're shaking like a leaf, girl." He chuckles. "It's a nicer spot too, you'll love it," He snuggles her body closer, pressing her up to his side. "all the best for my best girl." His gloved hand rubs her shoulder, gentle—not like Colm at all.

She soon feels herself—restless from the night before along with the shootout and what followed—start to drift off on his shoulder, and he lets Melody sleep for a little while. She hated how easily she could forgive him for doing what he does, but he might really just have a temper. He's trying. He's trying. That's all she knows, and it's just how he is. Right.

The stage stops at a nice, slightly open area with a few smaller huts and barriers around it. Colm nudges Melody awake slowly, rubbing rough circles on her shoulder. "We're here, girl." He whispers into her ear as she lifts her head off his shoulder and rubs her eyes awake. The warmth of the new location can be immediately recognized, nice and actually comfortable. "C'mon. You'll be in my cabin. With me." He reveals, jumping off the coach as she follows.

"I'll be in the same cabin as you?" Melody repeats his words, puzzled, as she takes her crate with a grunt before following him. He nods his head, stopping before—obviously the biggest cabin—their spot.

"Of course, child." He simply replies, taking the crate she held off of her hands and walking inside. "Ain't it great?" Melody silently nods to answer, almost reluctantly. "Go get the rest of the things from the coach and meet me here." Melody quickly turns on her heels and walks out back to the coach.

They both finish unpacking around the same time, and Melody patiently waits for him to finish whatever on the edge of a cot. "Okay, girl." He firmly taps his thighs and stands up, beckoning her to follow him outside. She obliges quickly, walking right behind him. He calls everyone in a circle, explaining a new score he's gotten information for. Melody can feel herself distracted and spacing out, knowing she won't be invited to the job—per usual, Colm just doesn't trust her enough to let her go with him. As infuriating as it is, her hands are tied.

Maybe she'll get that luxury one day.

Kudos on AO3 always appreciated! I'm honestly so glad to have even just the first chapter of this fic out, as it's been collecting dust in my drafts until the one month deadline—literally the last possible day.

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suspicious-whumping-egg · 11 months ago

Text

Collector’s Bounty: Part 4

Masterlist here.

It’s been a while, so thanks to my readers who are sticking with it! The chapter is long (over 5k) so I hope it was worth the wait <3

Aris dragged him out of the room and down the hall, setting a brutal pace for Jackson’s depleted body. He was forced to cling tight to Aris with one arm and to the IV pole with the other, legs shaking under his own weight as pain stabbed through his side. Aris took no issue with the contact, keeping an arm wrapped securely around his waist, fingertips slowly edging under the waistband of Jackson’s sweatpants.

They didn’t even make it to the nearby corner before his knees buckled and he flailed forward, a sharp pain tugging through his arm as the IV pole crashed to the floor. Aris caught him effortlessly by a shoulder, tipping him back towards his hold and hoisting him into a bridal carry. Jackson stiffened in the man’s grip, but by now, he was almost too accustomed to the feeling. And he supposed it was better than being forced to crawl over the cold tile until he reached his cell again— although it was hard to ignore Aris’s hand lazily running over his thighs, fingers trailing towards his hips. Despite himself, he shuddered, the movement drawing a fresh twinge of pain from the incision.

“Would you rather I drag you?” Aris asked sweetly. “That can easily be arranged.”

Jackson gritted his teeth and shook his head, face burning hot with humiliation. He just had to make it back to the cell without snapping back, without wrestling himself from Aris’s arms, and maybe he’d be left alone.

“Or maybe, if you don’t stop squirming, I’ll change my mind about your medication,” Aris grinned. “How’s that sound?”

Those words were enough to shock Jackson motionless. The pain was hardly bearable with the medication, let alone without it.

“That’s not even enough to get a word outta ya?” Aris snorted. “Aww. How cute. Need me to put something else on the line? A cornea? A lung?”

“No, no, please, I’ll— I’ll stay still,” Jackson stammered fervently, his heart hammering in his chest. The world swam before his eyes, the hall warping like the reflection in a funhouse mirror. The drugs— fuck—had they changed the drugs? Had Aris stabbed him with something in the midst of his terror?

He flailed limply against his captor’s touch, strength draining by the second, and all that came from his effort was a pathetic twitch. His vision swam with spots, until all he could see was a faint prick of light.

A stinging pain crossed his face, the sensation distant as if underwater.

“Hawthorne?”

Aris had slapped him.

“Come on, you know I didn’t mean it. Don’t make me have to go get Ryder for this. Snap out of it.”

Jackson gasped for breath, the words floating above his head, practically meaningless.

“B-but… y’… you…” he slurred, grasping at the IV with useless, trembling fingers. “Fuck you…”

His world swirled to black before he could complete the thought.

Pain rocketed through his side, and he took a desperate pull of air, the gasp tapering into a choked whimper at the sheer force of his agony. He reached for the IV on instinct, wrist tugging sharply against the cuff digging into his skin. But when he caught a glimpse of his arm, vision swimming, there was nothing but the bruises the needle had left behind.

He was back in the bed, glancing wildly around the room again like his life was some sick tape being rewound by the gods.

But this time, Aris and Ryder stood at his bedside, bickering.

“D’you think it was laced?”

Aris’s voice sounded distant, unreachable. Jackson’s head was stuffed with fistfuls of cotton.

“I tested it. I told you I tested every last drop. God, if you’ve worked yourself up when the kid’s just having a panic attack…”

“He passed out in my arms like I’d shot him with a double dose of propofol, if that was his panic response we gotta make sure he doesn’t drop dead the next time we fucking scare him.”

“I’ll run a CT scan if that makes you feel better, then I’m going the fuck back to bed,” Ryder huffed. “Make sure he stays alive for the night and if we need to, we’ll drop him back to mommy and daddy a few days early so he’s not our problem anymore.”

A renewed stab of agony wrenched through his abdomen, and a weak cry escaped Jackson’s lips.

“Fuck,” he hissed, grasping at the IV that wasn’t there, clawing mindlessly at his own arm as if the medication might just appear if he hoped hard enough.

Ryder rolled his eyes, ignoring the expression of pain. “Aris, can you just carry him? I don’t feel like rooting around for a wheelchair.”

Jackson felt himself being lifted a moment later, Aris’s hand under his back and his other arm wrapped around his leg. His side throbbed at the simple movement, and his vision tunneled nearly into black. He gasped for breath through a strained whimper, desperate to cling to his last scrap of consciousness.

Yet he was half-lucid at best as he was carried down the halls, stuck in that heavy, dizzy underwater feeling from before. He dimly registered being set down on a table, cold metal beneath his neck. He grasped for Aris’s warmth before he could help it, unable to stop himself amidst the way his head spun.

He heard Aris scoff, sneering out some comment that Jackson couldn’t quite make out. The words blended in an incoherent stream of sound, one that mixed with the lower, sharper register of Ryder’s voice a few moments later. He flinched violently as the table slowly moved forward, his throbbing abdomen screaming in protest.

A dim light flashed for a moment against his eyelids, a mechanical beeping grating at his eardrums. He was left alone for a while with nothing but that terrible monotony and the slow motion of the table, his side pulsing in tandem with the noise, as if a fire blazed in the incision and someone pumped the bellows every time the damn beep sounded.

And as soon as blissful silence replaced the machine’s noises, his eardrums were assaulted once more.

“Fuck!” Ryder blurted across the hall, the sharp syllable slipping through the thick haze clouding Jackson’s mind.

“Aris, you’ve gotta take a look at this. Something’s…”

Either his words trailed into silence, or Jackson’s brain had simply stopped processing sound again— both outcomes were just as likely.

“What the hell is that? A fucking tumor? How could you not see that while you were wiggling your knives around inside him?” Aris snapped. “You’re a fucking surgeon. A real one! Maybe I’d believe that coming from the dick I used to partner with, kinda guy who had to go for a few practice runs before he could scrounge up something sellable. But you? Come on.”

“A what?!” Jackson cried, hands instinctively flying up to the incision.

Footsteps approached him from every angle, and he heard a faint beep before the table slowly pulled itself backwards, a faint sound of protest escaping his lips. A hand, too rough to be Aris’s, traced the incision through the bandages, and Jackson swallowed the cry that threatened to rip from his throat. He cracked his eyes open to confirm it was Ryder standing over him, examining him in the way a sadistic child crouches over a pinned butterfly with a magnifying glass.

After a moment of scrutinizing, Ryder just shrugged.

“I mean, it didn’t really look like a tumor, but it’s either that or he had an extra kidney back there,” he said nonchalantly. “The transplant was successful and the recipient is fine, so it’s not like I left anything behind. Definitely didn’t cut something else off, or he’d already be lost to internal bleeding.”

Jackson’s chest clenched with every word, his heart a rapid knife against his lungs.

Yet in the midst of it all, he only wanted to know one thing.

“Who got it?”

He was met with another shrug.

“Don’t know, don’t care. I sell it off to the highest bidder, and they can boil and eat it for all the fucks I give. This one just happened to want to stay in touch so they could blame me the second something went wrong.”

Jackson shuddered at the grisly image, the movement sending a fresh stab of agony through his side. “Is— is it cancerous? Is it gonna kill me?”

Before Ryder could confirm Jackson’s impending doom, Aris stepped in and shushed him, finger to his lips and all.

“Give him a minute, man. If he’s not dying already, you don’t want his heart to grind to a halt from your worst-case horror stories.”

A third, resigned shrug.

“Fine. But there’s clearly something in there.”

The door slammed shut a moment later, and Jackson was left alone with who he could hardly deem the lesser of the evils. Less dangerous, maybe. But less evil? He wouldn’t let himself be fooled for a second.

The almost-lesser evil looked at him with what could almost be described as sympathy. Or maybe the drugs had gotten to Jackson’s head.

“I’ll be back in a few. Try to sit up. Or don’t. Payday’s already come and gone.”

Sound had become foreign once again, Aris’s words taking on that distant, underwater feeling. Jackson groaned softly as he gathered his hands behind him, pushing himself up to sit on the edge of the table despite the way his side screamed in protest. His vision swirled for a moment, before settling like sand in the bottom of a glass— composed, but still grainy and somehow wrong. He sat in front of a scratched, dented scanner that resembled a massive donut. The room was full of various pieces of equipment, most beaten or worn down in some way or another, and otherwise barren but for the small set of cabinets shoved in a corner.

Unsurprisingly, it was devoid of any color but for the rusty splotches seeping through his bandages.

Before he could contemplate the likelihood of dying young, Aris strode back through the door, plopping down next to him on the table.

“So. How we feelin’?”

Jackson gritted his teeth.

“Thought you said you didn’t care,” he muttered.

Aris rolled his eyes. “I don’t. But unfortunately, Ryder’s gone back off to catch his beauty sleep so I’m stuck with keeping you alive ‘til morning. So if something’s like, crazy wrong, speak now or, I don’t know, suffer all night.”

“Other than being down a whole organ, and, I don’t know, having a fucking tumor?” Jackson spat. “Yeah, I’m fine. Couldn’t be better.”

Aris raised his eyebrows and gave him a twisted grin. “If you insist, then,” he said nonchalantly. “So if you really don’t need anything—”

“Wait!” Fuck.

“What’s up?” Aris said cheerfully, an obvious flash of triumph permeating his gaze.

“My uh, my bandages are soaking through,” he mumbled. “I— uh—”

“Hm? Speak up, love. It’s been a long day,” Aris taunted.

“I need help with my bandages,” he finally bit out, hot humiliation crawling up his face. “I’m, uh, I’m bleeding through them.”

He squirmed in the following silence as Aris’s gaze set to the similar, scrutinizing expression Ryder had worn mere minutes ago. His captor pursed his lips after a long, agonizing moment and slid off the table. He pulled open a drawer and tossed a pack of gauze in Jackson’s direction, followed by a roll of medical tape.

“Knock yourself out.”

Jackson gritted his teeth and focused on changing the bandages, ignoring the jab. He’d clearly have to wait until Aris was in a better mood to ask for food or water.

He pinched the edge of the tape keeping the gauze in place, already peeled up from when he’d peeked at the incision earlier. His eyes squeezed shut as his breath caught in his throat, his whole body recoiling from what had to be done. Aris watched amusedly, leaning back against the wall and giving Jackson a sickening smirk. He couldn’t ask for help. He couldn’t.

He ripped the bandage off with a muffled cry, the wound’s stabbing drowning out the sting to his skin. He refused to glance up at the look on Aris’s face. That’s what the bastard wants.

Instead, he pointedly kept his gaze fixed on the incision, the wound red and raw and just as haphazardly stitched as before. Blood seeped between the stitches, having soaked the dirty bandage he discarded on the other side of the table. He’d never dressed a wound before, let alone his own. But at least it looked pretty simple— cover the wound with gauze, tape over it to keep everything in place, and try not to think about it until the bloodstains came back.

Yet as simple as it should have been, his hands shook even opening the package of gauze. His own blood coated his fingertips where he’d touched the old bandages, and the sight made his head spin. He made the mistake of glancing up at Aris’s demeaning little grin, and his face flushed hot and red once more.

He had to do this himself. He had to.

“You don’t know what you’re doing.” Aris’s voice, holding a bare yet unmistakable touch of mockery, cut through the room’s almost painful silence. “Let me help you.”

“For what? A square inch of skin? A cornea? A lap dance?” Jackson huffed. “No thanks.”

“I mean, I was just gonna help you so we wouldn’t be here all night. But if you insist on giving something in return, I suppose something could be arranged…”

“In your dreams,” Jackson snapped. But he didn’t refuse when Aris slipped the pack of gauze from his hands and began packing the wound, and even fought not to pull away as the pressure on the incision gave way to a fresh surge of agony. He just grit his teeth, closed his eyes, and didn’t look again until he felt the tape smothering his skin, sealing off the ugly, gaping thing in his side from the rest of the world.

“You’re adorable,” Aris smirked. “Can’t even watch. Now, do you think you can handle walking back or do I need to carry you again?”

Jackson glanced at the door and tried to recall how long he’d been carried for, but he came up with nothing but the blurred, dizzying sense of being carried itself, for what had seemed like forever.

“You didn’t change the drugs?” he asked warily. “Like, at all?”

Aris nodded. “Whatever that little episode was, it was one hundred percent you and whatever fucked up stress response that body has to offer. So, if you wanna risk that again, be my guest. It’s up to you.”

Jackson braced himself on the edge of the table for a moment before sliding off the edge, leaning on the cool metal for support as he stood on shaky, rubbery legs. The walk couldn’t have been more than a minute. He could do this.

“I’ll be fine,” he managed unconvincingly.

Aris shrugged. “Interesting definition of fine, but that’s your call. Just know I’ll be there to catch you.” He gave a devious wink, although Jackson could have gathered his humiliating intent without the expression. By now, he knew practically every word Aris directed towards him was meant for nothing less.

“Thanks for the offer,” Jackson said flatly. He took one trembling step, pain stabbing through his side like a white-hot knife, and gritted his teeth. Another step, and the pain nearly brought him to his knees. His vision swam, and he grasped blindly for the table next to him, breathless from the sheer agony. Tears sprang to his eyes, even as he furiously blinked them away.

“Are you sure a wheelchair’s out of the question?” He attempted, voice breaking. “I just— I don’t— I don’t know if I can make it.”

Aris rolled his eyes. “You either walk, I drag you kicking and screaming, or you let yourself be carried like a good boy. Up to you.”

So he’d have to make it. Jackson clenched his free hand into a fist, gripped the table for dear life, and took another step. Fire rocketed through his side, and his legs crumpled beneath him as he flailed to catch himself on the table. But before he could collapse, Aris caught him under the arms, pulling him close against his body to keep him upright.

“That answers that question, then,” Aris said pleasantly.

And as much as Jackson wanted to protest, he let himself be hauled off his feet once more, the world tilting familiarly.

“I’m starting to think you just like carrying me,” Jackson muttered.

Aris dug his fingers mere inches from the bandage, just close enough to send Jackson’s heart into overdrive. One tiny twist of his hand, and he’d be seeing stars. “And I’m starting to think you just like crumpling to the ground,” he retorted.

Jackson’s lips pursed into a thin line of pain and annoyance, his side stabbing with every step his captor took, but he let the comment go. He had more important concerns.

“Do I— do I still get the meds? When I get back?”

Laced or not, he needed them.

Aris hummed noncommittally. “Depends. What’ll you do to get them?”

Anything.

“Please. Aris, I—”

“And being a compliant little wimp doesn’t count as doing something, it just means I won’t be inclined to take a lung for my troubles.”

A sob caught in Jackson’s chest, his eyes welling in desperation. “You know it’s nothing you can’t already make me do anyway,” he said desperately, voice close to breaking. “Please, I just— I can’t— I’m not gonna make it through the night—”

Aris shifted Jackson in his grip as he approached his room, the movement enough to send a fresh bolt of fire through his body. He couldn’t suppress the hiss of pain that escaped him, the way his breath hitched as his world flashed white for the briefest moment. Aris simply pressed his hand to the pad outside the door and waited as the bolts unlatched one by one, unbothered by the display.

“It’s up to you, Hawthorne. It makes no difference to me, if I leave you dry ‘til morning. You’ve gotta make me want to go through the trouble.”

Jackson gritted his teeth, swallowing the cry that threatened to rip from his throat. “Ryder has my vitals up, doesn’t he? He won’t get a fucking wink of sleep if I rip off the sensors and the monitor goes flat.” He snapped. “Or you’d just cuff me to the bed then, right? I’ll just hold my breath ‘til my heart rate spikes— can’t tie me down from fucking breathing.” His head spun even from the effort of the outburst, but he was done rolling over and playing dead. He was done letting Aris win.

Yet the smirk his captor gave him in return told him he’d done just that.

“You think Ryder’s got your back in this?” Aris scoffed, kicking the door closed behind him and dumping Jackson on the bed with a vicious shove. “He’ll just turn the damn alarm off and hope you don’t die on him in the meantime. And if he’s gonna be pissed at you keeping him up all night, he’ll just stick you with a paralytic for the day so you can’t fucking do it again. Not a painkiller, Hawthorne. Not a sedative. A fucking paralytic. Make you sit there all day, in agony, unable to do a fucking thing about it. We’d have to intubate you again, too. I remember just how much you loved that, didn’t you? And if Ryder doesn’t give a shit, I’ll do it myself. Rip out all the monitors, the meds, all of it. Shove a few tubes down your throat, hope you’ll last the day and that whatever it is floating around behind that incision isn’t cancerous, and I won’t look back. Maybe you’ll appreciate my attention more after that, hm?”

The color drained from Jackson’s face, but he pushed himself upright, wincing at the fresh stabs of pain through his side, and steeled his gaze.

“Fine,” he snapped. “I’ll go dry. Can’t comply, can’t fight back, can’t offer a fucking thing you can’t already take. Is that what you want?”

Aris almost looked disappointed. “Not even close,” he said darkly. “I want to see just how far you’re willing to go for me. And if that’s not far enough right now, then sure, you’ll go without tonight. But I’m sure you’ll be much more desperate in the morning, and then we’ll get to try again. How’s that sound?”

“I— I just— I don’t know what you want from me!” Jackson spluttered. “What, you want me to like, get on my knees and beg? Just start sobbing about how much it fucking hurts? What do you want?”

The touch to his face was so gentle it could have been a ghost’s, a whisper of Aris’s fingertips tracing up his jaw. Jackson shuddered in spite of himself, fighting the urge to slap his captor’s hand away.

“Begging is a nice start, sure, but it doesn’t have to be that. Tell me why your system cuts the drugs so quickly. We both know there’s some dark secret in there. One of your parents, maybe, an addiction so brutal they passed on the tolerance? Or maybe one of the scenarios you so quickly rejected before? All I ask is that you tell me the truth. Make it hurt a little.”

Tears burned at the corners of Jackson’s eyes, and he barely managed to blink them back. “You know I don’t know that,” he choked. “Do you want me to lie? Just make some shit up so you have another reason to think I deserve this?”

Aris‘s hand trailed up his face until he’d tangled his fingers in Jackson’s hair, tugging gently to tilt his head back until he was forced to meet his eyes. The tenderness of the touch made Jackson wish he’d just cut him open instead. Or drugged him. Or hit him. Anything but this sick facade of intimacy.

“You don’t deserve this, Hawthorne,” he said simply. “Let’s make that clear. You’re just here ‘cause I fucked up a job and needed the money, and ‘cause Ryder only works on people he thinks deserves it, which amounts to pretty much anyone with a background like yours. But this is where we’re at, and you either get the meds or not. It’s up to you.”

“I don’t have any secrets,” Jackson snapped, jerking away from the man’s lingering touch. “You’ve seen my family’s dirty laundry in the tabloids, and as for me? They keep me on such a tight leash I’m almost impressed you managed to kidnap me. You think I’d go to university in my fucking hometown if I had another option? You want a secret? I don’t have enough of a life to have anything to hide, unless you count the fact that I got a fucking job. How’s that?”

“Pathetic,” Aris said honestly. “Maybe not life changing enough to count, but pathetic. Ever tried to run away?”

Jackson shrugged. “Not until I graduate, at least. I’m not taking out loans when the other option is withstanding their bullshit but getting it for free, yknow? Not like it matters now, I guess. If I actually am dying.”

“Like I said before, Ryder’s a real surgeon. He hates your guts, sure, but he knows he’ll be running the rest of his life if you die on him. Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about it?” Jackson snapped. “I’ve got a fucking tumor where I should have a kidney and you’re telling me don’t worry about it? I heard you in the operating room, when I woke up. About keeping my lungs healthy in case you end up wanting one. You’re fucking sick. Don’t tell me I’m gonna be okay unless you fucking plan to keep me that way”

“I won’t, then,” Aris said icily. “It’s in our best interest to keep you alive, but in reality, who knows? I’m not a doctor, Hawthorne, I can’t tell you shit. For all I know, you might drop dead tomorrow. But for now, you haven’t earned your medication and I’m bored and wanna know more about your life. No begging required. What do you say?”

“Fine,” Jackson mumbled. “But I told you already, you’re not gonna get anything interesting. And can we throw in some food with the deal?” The clawing at his stomach had almost gone unnoticed compared to the stabbing under the incision, but it had been growing harder and harder to ignore.

“We’ll see,” Aris said. “I’m going on a grocery run in the morning, I’ll grab something then. Ryder doesn’t live here or anything, but I’ve paid off the mob thanks to your kidney and I have no interest in going back. Which means that’s all coming out of my paycheck.”

“You’re not gonna keep me alive very long if you refuse to feed me,” Jackson muttered.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m not that stupid,” Aris said. He sat down on the edge of the cot, and Jackson couldn’t help but shrink back against the bedrail, curling his legs to his chest and feeling around for the torn shirt he’d rejected earlier.

“Now. Where do ya wanna begin?” he continued. “How about your job? The one secret you’ve managed to keep in your sheltered little life.”

“Not much to it,” Jackson said reluctantly, tugging the shirt over his head and biting back a hiss of pain. The throbbing in his side flared violently with the movement, but if nothing else, the conversation was a distraction. Not exactly a welcome one, but better than sitting in unmedicated silence, he supposed. “24/7 diner, night shift, minimum wage. Had to pick a place my folks wouldn’t dream of stepping foot in if their lives depended on it.”

“The one right by the university?”

He nodded.

“So you have to serve your classmates?”

Jackson winced. “Yeah. Uh, a lot. It sucks.”

“It’s demeaning, isn’t it?” Aris said quietly. The offensive edge had fallen from his voice, into false, sickly sweet sympathy.

“Yeah. Which I guess should fulfill the ‘tell me something embarrassing’ requirement, right? Am I done?”

“Tell me a story. A specific one. Then maybe you’ll be off the hook.” The sharp, taunting edge was back, complete with the trademark smirk.

Jackson twisted the hem of the old undershirt, contemplating for a moment.

“How bad does it have to be?”

“The worst you have, if you’re giving me a choice,” Aris grinned. “You should know not to ask those kinds of questions.”

He sighed, rubbing his eyes and grabbing the thin pillow to hug it close. “How about the time I almost got roofied, then? That good enough?”

“And you said you don’t have any secrets,” Aris taunted. “I’ll say that’s worth a good ten milligrams. Lower end of the dosage for an eight hour IV drip, but it should be enough to get you through the night. So that’s up to you, I guess, if it’s worth it.”

He nodded. At this point, he might have taken the offer even for a handful of ibuprofen. “To be clear, this is the only remotely interesting thing that’s happened to me. So if you want me to one-up this for the next dose, I can either choose a different story now or start lying.”

Aris nodded expectantly.

“So. Uh. This guy from my chem class, he comes in around 2 am, fucking hammered. Ordered maybe five plates of hash browns and a coffee. He inhaled the food in minutes but ended up nursing the one coffee for a whole hour ‘til my shift ended. He’d paid when he ordered, so I sorta knew he was just waiting for a shot at me. And yeah, uh, guy asked to buy me a drink the second I clocked out. No tip on the table, just an offer to cover something strong at the bar across the street. I’m not stupid, but it’d been a long night and I wanted at least my tip’s worth out of him, so I accepted. Ordered the most expensive thing on the board, kept my eyes glued to it the second it left the bartender’s hand, and left a hefty tip ‘cause god knows the asshole wasn’t going to.”

Why was he actually telling him this? It would have been just as easy to make something up, something that didn’t make his heart race and his stomach churn. He forced in a shaky breath, his side stabbing in protest, and continued in spite of himself.

“I keep test strips on me at all times, I’m not an idiot. I tested the drink, it came out fine, I took a few sips. The guy had been trying to flirt with me the second we walked into that place, but it was like a switch had flipped as soon as I’d tested it. He started getting all weird, affectionate, almost desperate. Kept trying to kiss me, distract me, all that. He got up to order another drink, and I booked it. A few days later, I heard he’d roofied a girl at the same bar. Woulda been me if I wasn’t as careful.”

And maybe if it had been him, he wouldn’t be here. If he’d gotten drugged, had to own up with his parents about it because he was still on their health insurance, started pressing charges. They would have practically kept him under lock and key, but their control was preferable to this. At least that way, he would have stayed intact, even if not unviolated. He wiped away a stray tear with the palm of his hand, praying Aris wouldn’t notice, or if nothing else, wouldn’t comment.

“Aww,” Aris sneered. And that’s really your only experience with the real world? Almost getting hurt, but everything turns out fine? Going back to class like a good boy?”

Jackson gritted his teeth. “Sure. Yeah. Whatever.”

“So tell me. You felt pretty helpless then, didn’t you, praying for a moment to slip away? Is it worse now than it was then?” Aris’s eyes practically glittered with delight.

“Yeah. It is,” he spat. “You happy? What would you expect, that anything other than this could be the worst moment of my life? Not much tops being kidnapped and having a fucking organ harvested, if that’s what you wanna hear. You’ve singlehandedly created the worst week of my life. You win, if you call that winning.” The words dripped sarcastically from his lips, their venom the only defense he had left.

“I mean, not quite singlehandedly,” Aris admitted mockingly. “But I’m flattered. That is exactly what I wanted to hear. Or not really— just anything that gets you like this. On the brink of tears, desperate, while your mind’s too clouded by pain to think about what you’re saying. Admitting just how weak you are in the mere hope I’ll take pity. And lucky for you, Hawthorne, you’ve got a gorgeous set of puppy eyes.” He slid off the bed like Jackson hadn’t spilled his soul just seconds ago, grabbing the IV pole and wheeling it towards the cot.

“There’s maybe 15 milligrams left in that drip, I’ll call it close enough. Makes up for my inability to find a vein.”

True to his word, Aris delivered a couple extra sticks before the tube was injected, but the pain of the needle was nothing compared to the stabbing in his side. And by the time his captor had secured the line with a bit of tape, the drip had started, bringing a rush of much-needed oblivion. He sank into the cot out of sheer relief as the throbbing dulled to an ache, as his desperation dulled to tranquility. And out of his mouth slipped the two words he knew Aris never deserved to hear from him.

“Thank you.”

Taglist: @burnticedlatte @onlywhump @whumplr-reader @gala1981 @its-my-primary-whump @andithewhumper @morning-star-whump

#blue writes #collector’s bounty #collectors bounty #whump writing #medical whump #dehumanization whump #intimate whumper #creepy whumper #defiant whumpee

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dekusleftsock · 1 year ago

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IVE BEEN A GOOD KID AND IVE ACTUALLY LET MYSELF LIKE. THINK ABOUT THE OFFICIAL TRANSLATIONS SO. HERE WE GO BITCHES.

(Along with some other things bouncing around, implications of togachako because of this chapter, maybe even a prediction? This is my FINAL THOUGJTS POST, unless ofc I notice something and I say it BUT HOPEFULLY THIS IS THE LAST AND ITS JUST GONNA BE ME BEING SILLY AND POSTING FANART)

1, i find it funny that Caleb said lickitung than Pikachu since that… totally doesn’t make sense nor was why Twice suggested the name. IDK IM A POKÉMON NERD AND AN MHA FAN SO I JUST FIND IT A LITTLE SILLY.

Like I think Horikoshi chose Pikachu bc it’s the most recognizable Pokémon, along with Himiko’s “chu-chu” noises she makes when she drinks blood ofc, but it was also probably suggested bc… Pikachu has the same blushies that Ochako has…

Not to mention the fact that Pikachu is also representative of Toga’s colors, those of course being red and yellow.

Lickitung makes no sense other than the fact that it paralyzes people/Pokémon by licking them and making them uncomfortable. It’s such a… random gen 1 Pokémon idfk. I can see WHY he chose it, because lickitung is supposed to be a friendly Pokémon that accidentally makes people uncomfortable, but I think Pikachu being said instead just makes far more sense; Pikachu is supposed to be a cute Pokémon. It’s origins in gen 1 were, “I want you to make the cutest Pokémon you can” and the artist Atsuko Nisida had to go through 3-5 iterations of pixel art (bc they would make the pixelated version for the game first AND THEN draw the Pokémon from that) before finally settling on what people call “fat Pikachu” which looked like this

Lickitung works ig by being a Pokémon that ultimately is harmless to people but just accidentally freaks people out and makes them off-put by them, but Pikachu fits much better in a chapter where Ochako calls Himiko’s smile, something we’re supposed to see as creepy, perfect/pretty/beautiful. Comparing her and her cuteness to something like Pikachu just seems like something twice would do anything bc he’s a sweetie like that.

ALSO ANOTHER THING FOR PEOPLE WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT POKÉMON: reguri is I think the most popular ship? That might be beat by Selena/ash and misty/ash, but regardless it’s super popular and also is EXTREMELY SIMILAR to bkdk.

This does depend on which version of them you’re talking about, but personally when I read pokespe (the most popular official Pokémon manga, there’s others but that’s just the most well known one) I always thought bkdk were so similar to red/blue to the point it was uncanny. At the time I thought “eh that’s just gay rival tropes there’s tons of other characters in other anime/manga/tv that are similar to them too” but after the mention OF Pikachu and Toga’s purposeful similarities I do wonder if horikoshi was a Pokémon fan in the 90’s during his childhood. That wouldn’t surprise me seeing as the games were such a booming success in Japan (literally it’s the most sold Pokémon games ever nothing has beat it since), so it would make sense if horikoshi was a secret Pokémon fan.

I mean, blues hair is even similar to bakugous but idk, maybe it’s a stretch.

They’re not childhood friends in pokespe, but they are childhood friends in the games, blue bullying him as they got older and pushing red away, red goes and has an emo arc on mount silver by himself without telling anyone, eventually comes down from that mountain in black and white 2 where red and blue are starting to be friends again, and I don’t think they’re seen again until sun and moon where they’re on vacation together in alola. There’s other outside game content that has just… progressively gotten more gay.

AGAIN, IM NOT SURE IF HORIKOSHI HAS READ THE POKESPE MANGA OR IF HE PUT THIS MUCH THOUGHT INTO IT! However I WILL say that if you enjoy bkdk you will probably enjoy reguri and the pokespe manga, especially since it has a more interesting plot than the anime or games, along with being less corny. It’s a lot more… I don’t wanna say graphic but honest? It wasn’t really made in mind that it would be targeted overseas like all the other Pokémon stuff, so it’s just more honest about environmental issues and pet abuse and things like that. Red and blues character arcs and friendship, along with Leaf’s character arc is very interesting just by itself, highly recommend.

MOVING ON… my Pokémon nerdiness aside, I love Himiko’s defiance to conform to hero society especially as a villain. Will she go against this vow because she sees herself as a full fledged villain? I wasn’t really sure.

She didn’t, which is great, but I also think those themes of pity and feeling like Ochako is still looking down on her… remind me exactly of Katsuki.

I also find this page and what toga says quite interesting.

Saying that she KNEW ochako was sad too, that’s a VERY interesting observation to make when thinking of someone you “hate”.

And I like the distinction that Ochako wasn’t afraid of Toga because of her smile being creepy, or that she was trying to harm her or tsu, but because she couldn’t understand why she was smiling during a fight.

More bakugou vibes/lines

If/when they ARE canon, explicitly and completely and all that, then that would make mha a, and idk if it’s the first, shonen GL + BL. That would be fucking crazy.

ALSO THIS? THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT AN IZU//OCHA MOMENT… let me explain.

It’s a couple of things: Ochako is not explicitly saying how she wishes she could talk about her love with Izuku, instead it seems to be more framed as talking ABOUT Izuku.

He’s not even looking at her, and she’s not looking at him; no, instead Ochako and Himiko are looking at each other, and talking about the importance to talk about your feelings openly, how she admires that quality to Himiko.

In a way this is Ochako saying “No, don’t become like him, this is why I admire you. That trait makes you admirable, it’s a trait I love in you.”

And lastly, that marriage proposal. Is it REALLY a marriage proposal? How romantic or platonic is this this scene?

Well, I went back and read chapter 348 to find out, and a little detail disregarded, not only by me but everyone else, was the line, “If you ask me, being a couple means being one and the same. Makes sense right? Nothing else… would fulfill my desires.”

And then ochako in 393, purposely bearing her feelings to Himiko and offering her blood to her? Even with this knowledge? The knowledge that Himiko would see this as a confession? Fucking crazy.

For all her flaws, I can perfectly picture why Ochako would prefer someone who sees romance like she does, openly unapologetic about her feelings like she is, over someone who can’t even see a teenage girls confession as an actual confession of love. Way to be selfish Izuku.

(God he would be SO offended at all the shit talking I’ve been doing to him recently HAHA! BUT HE NEEDS TO HEAR IT BC HES AN IDIOT WHO SHOULD BE TAKING HIS FEELINGS SERIOUSLY. How are you going to let the hot headed blonde kid that bullied you be better at this. HOW.)

So yes, I think this is so explicitly romantic, I literally thought this scene would never fucking happen because I KNEW how gay it was, how gay everyone KNEW it was—but god damn. Horikoshi you mad man.

#togachako #himiko toga #togaraka #togaocha #ochako uraraka #mha 393 #mha chapter 393 #mha deku #togachako brainrot

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lovesosweeet · 1 year ago

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better left unsaid // cth

chapter fourteen

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

august 7, 2018 los angeles, california orion

One week since Calum left and I don't know how I can miss him more than I do right now. I know it's only going to get worse. Everything is only going to get worse.

I'm finally not feeling completely like death, but my second chemo appointment is today, so that'll be changing quite quickly.

Now that I've been to a chemo appointment, I know what to expect. Today, I pack my fluffy blanket that Crystal got me, my worn out copy of Catcher in the Rye, headphones, and a phone charger. I'm dressed in my only pair of joggers and a crop top with Cal's Real Madrid hoodie tied around my shoulders to wear inside the hospital. I make three coffees: one for me, one for Emelia, and one for Ron. I put mine in a spill proof bottle so I can put it in my bag and carry the other two.

I watch Emelia's location, waiting for the blue dot to get close enough to me that I can go downstairs and meet her out front when she pulls up. After giving Duke a kiss on the nose, I head out, taking the elevator down to the lobby and dropping Ron's coffee off at the desk. He's on the phone but he smiles gratefully and mouths 'thank you' while I keep walking past him, seeing Em's car right outside already.

Emelia fills me in on her morning. Her roommates have been slacking on their share of the dishes and she's been annoyed. It's typical stuff, and I feel like she always has the same gripes in her life. I'm somewhat jealous of the cyclical nature of her problems. Mine aren't even on the same road. I was jolted from a life of LSAT stress and classes to a life of IVs and sterile hospitals and a death sentence.

By now, she knows exactly how to get to the hospital and drops me off in front of the door.

"You're done at 3?" She asks, confirming when she'll come back.

"Yeah, 3, but I can wait a while if that's too early." Her shifts normally end right at 3, and I don't want her to leave work early to pick me up. I don't have anything else to do, so I can just wait until she's done with work.

She swats at the air to mean 'that's nothing' and I fight the urge to tell her to stay at work. "I'll be here at 3. I love you, let me know if you need anything."

She rolls up her window before I can say anything, so I turn around and enter the building. After checking in, they do another blood draw and take a handful of other vitals before I walk back into the room of armchairs. I don't get a welcome sign today, but there are cookies and juice again.

I sit in my chair and put on the hoodie I brought, throwing my blanket across my lap. I pull up my sleeve so they can put the IV in, and again, I can't look. I instead look to my left, just trying to find something else to focus on, and instantly regret it.

About six seats to my left — all of the ones in between are empty — is Macy. She's in a similar state, wearing a hoodie with sweatpants, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and headphones in her ears. She's staring straight at me with her eyes wide, probably in disbelief. There's no getting out of having a conversation with her. She's seen me and she knows I've seen her.

I turn to stare straight ahead, accidentally meeting the gaze of the old man sitting across from me. I end up squeezing my eyes shut so I don't have to look at anything while they insert the IV. When I feel the nurse put the tape over it, I reopen my eyes and pull my sleeve back down.

"Is it okay if I move a few seats down?" I meekly ask her.

A brief moment of confusion flashes in her eyes, but she nods. "Yes, of course, do you need help?"

"No, I'm fine."

I stand up, clutching my blanket around my shoulders, slinging my tote bag onto my arm, and wheel the IV with me while I walk toward Macy. She smiles at me when I'm next to her, sitting in the chair directly next to hers.

"Hi," she says quietly.

"Hi."

I then realize I have no idea how to start the conversation or what to say. It seems that both of us have withheld some information, but the pieces of Macy's story start to fit together.

She's visiting her parents, who happen to have an apartment near UCLA's hospital.

She's taking a gap year, indefinitely.

She wants to be a doctor.

Macy has cancer, and I bet she's had it for a long time. I bet her parents don't live in this part of LA normally, they just stay here when she's in treatment. That's why she said they sort of live in the building, because they aren't full-time residents.

Macy has cancer.

The facts sink in and then I get more and more questions. Is it bad? Terminal? Has she been in treatment for long? Has she had it her whole life?

"I have leukemia," I say, breaking our silence. I'm quiet, nearly inaudible, but I have no doubts that she heard me.

"I'm so sorry," Macy whispers back, sounding devastated. "I had no idea."

I chuckle. "Yeah, I'm not really advertising it." I look over at her and she's nodding.

"I totally get it," she admits. Her face is somber and wistful, so thoughtful and hard to really pin how she's feeling. "I've been in and out of treatment since I was five."

When I open my mouth to tell her that I'm sorry and ask what kind of cancer it is, she cuts me off.

"I've gotten tired of the instant pity I get when I tell people I have cancer, so I just don't really tell people," Macy explains. "Eventually I do. I just don't want people to only be nice to me because I'm sick. I want them to be nice to me because they like me."

"I like you."

I understand what she means. It's the same way that Calum feels: people are nice to him just to get closer to fame, a good connection, a few thousand followers. They aren't nice to him because they like him. Of course, it's different for Macy. People aren't being nice to her because they want something from her. They're nice because they feel bad.

"You're like the nicest person on the planet, that doesn't count."

"I'm an average level of nice."

Macy laughs. It's a genuine laugh, which is a nice sound for the current setting. "Sure, if that's what you want to believe, but I disagree. You're truly the kindest person I know."

I don't want to sit here and argue with Macy about my level of niceness and kindness, so I decide we should drop it at that.

"Calum likes you too," I add.

She scoffs and then giggles again. "I'm sure you had nothing to do with that."

"He likes you! I promise!"

"I'm not doubting that, but I have no doubt you put in a very good word for me," she says. "But also, I love getting to know both of you, so I'm not complaining."

"I'm really glad we ran into you in that elevator," I confess. "I'm glad you're in our lives."

"See? Nicest person I know."

I go to punch her in the arm but am reminded that I'm tethered to the IV and there's a tube that moves along with my arm. It pulls me back to our reality, and I think it does Macy, too.

"How long have you been in treatment?" Macy asks.

"Today is my second one. First was last Wednesday."

Macy does a sharp intake of breath. "You had your first treatment and were still able to go get coffee with me on Sunday?!"

I nod.

"Dude, everyone I've ever seen go through this stuff is completely knocked off their feet by the first round. You're tough as shit."

Her words warm my heart and I'm grateful that she is able to see something good out of this hardship. Some days I feel strong, but mostly, I feel weak. Too weak to live my own life. Too weak to tell Calum the truth. Practically too weak to take care of Duke.

"I can't believe you started treatment right as they left for tour. Calum didn't want to stay with you?"

There it is. The part of the conversation I don't want to have.

"Um... he, uh, he... I — I didn't tell him."

Macy is quiet while she processes what I told her. I can tell she's shocked, and based on what I know about her, she would've normally yelled or screamed something, but because we're in a hall of people getting treatment, she holds it in.

"You suddenly make a lot less sense to me, but I'm not even sure what else to ask, so we can leave that there if you don't wanna talk about it."

Now I'm surprised. She's just able to drop it?

"Uh, are you sure?"

She smiles tightly. "I trust that you have some very thought out reasons for making the choices you do."

"So you won't tell him?"

Macy shakes her head. "That's not my place."

read next chapter

a/n: oooooo macy!! surprise!!! in the original of this story her name was callie and idk why i did that bc CAL and CALLIE is too much. they met on the oncology ward in the OG but i liked this idea better for some reason haha.

i know this is a cal fic and there's no cal in this chapter lol it's FiNE itS FOR The PLOT OKAY

that said i am working on a new chapter that has calum in it n it's a flashback hopefully coming to you in a few hours OK THX love u bye

#5sos #luke hemmings #5 seconds of summer #calum hood #ashton irwin #fanfiction #fanfic #5sosfam #5sos fanfic #calum imagine #michael clifford #better left unsaid

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someone-called-efg · 8 months ago

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everything i know so far regarding religion and my experiences (big post with a lot of words and some pictures too. i tried doing the image id thing so hopefully i explained it all alright) skip at your own discretion

so, for everything ive made either a comic or drawing, then i'll explain what happened a little more underneath.

~~~

first and foremost before i start, so were on the same page, visits to heaven can occur during the time someone is asleep. this could even happen to you if you see in your dream a recently passed relative (or any passed away relative in general but for the most part it happens when the passing is recent and goodbyes didnt happen for one reason or another) and if it hasnt happened to you personally yet, you probably know someone who's experienced a visit.

with that out of the way, lets get started

---

{ image id: an 8 panel comic. 1st panel shows myself with two others sat around a table, as i joke "God, if this is a sin, strike me down". 2nd panel simply says * later that night * . 3rd panel is in 1st person perspective of me in my dream, opening a door. 4th panel shows that behind the door from panel 3 that God is there floating, his hair/beard flowing into the cloud his head is casually floating on in the middle of the room. 5th panel simply shows a lighting bolt. 6th panel shows me falling through the floor. 7th panel shows me waking up in a state of panic. 8th panel simply says: TLDR: If you call upon him, he'll answer. end id }

this is a comic regarding my first visit. at the time irl i was considering becoming an atheist, so this put a solid halt in that. the reason both people with my in the 1st panel dont really have any defining features is because i was at a psych ward at the time for wanting to unalive, and they make you sign nda's there soo, thats the best i got. in the dream/visit itself i was at home, opening the door from the living room to the porch. and God wasnt just there waiting, they kinda came through the ceiling without breaking it. dont ask me how cuz even i dont know.

---

{ image id: another 8 panel comic so here goes more typing yippee! 1st panel shows God from the side, simply saying "So". 2nd comic shows God turning forward, asking "Are you alright?", as though finishing what they were saying in the 1st panel. 3rd panel shows God an i sat on a couch, and while God looks normal sized, i look tiny by comparison, showing basically the setting. 4th panel is a zoom in on me as i rub the back of my neck, saying "i mean ...". 5th panel simply tldr's what happens as i * proceeds to vent ... a lot * . 6th panel shows God saying nothing, but, they * listens to every word * . 7th panel shows me, clearly upset from venting so much, but also now parched, as i tell God "I'm sorry, I've been talking so much, my throat got dry. Do you have anything I could drink?". 8th panel shows God from the side, for the first time smiling as they say "Of course" and a fridge magically appears at opposite from where i am in comparison to them. end id }

so, not even i really knew what all happened until years lated when i asked God if that visit was a therapy session because all i remembered upon waking up after is the last two panels and afterwards, when my mom and step dad came and told me that the year for earth was 2077 and that the north pole was a desert, then we went and had a mini feast with relatives (and maybe ancestors? idk, there was a fair lot of people and i didnt recognize a lot of them so maybe?) , then i woke up. and if youre going to ask why gods eyes arent visible in this comic when they were visible in that last one, at the time of drawing this comic in particular i didnt feel deserving of him looking at me and smiling, cuz lets face it, were all a bunch of sinners here all trying to do good at least. but at the time if i remember right i had a caffeine addiction to the point i needed 8 coffee/monster energy to get me through the day (4 in the morning + 4 in the afternoon), i since went cold turkey against both.

---

{image id : a 4 panel comic because i finally learned my lesson so i dont have to type as much pog! 1st pannel shows myself and my brother (ftm) stood in Gods temple, and i casually ask "Hey, so, can I reincarnate?". 2nd panel shows god towering over both of us easily, their response is a smile with a "Yeah, sure" as they hold something glowing in their hand that i look into. 3rd panel is glitchy, as it shows a child 1st person perspective, the child is looking down, admittedly a bit overwhelmed while saying "mom, i memember my last life". 4th panel is glitchy as well, this time showing the vague image of a woman reaching out her hand presumably to the child, asking "what do you remember?". end id }

so, for a bit of context, the dream/visit didnt start out like that. it actually started at my great aunts house (who at the time was still alive but died very soon after) it wasnt her house when she was alive, but rather, her house in heaven. my godmother was also there, and i was helping her to remember how to fly because she had forgotten the lesson. so, in total there were 4 people there (my great aunt, my godmother, my brother, and myself) and mid way through me teaching how to fly, another of my brothers teleported into the room and just casually took a seat. after the lesson we went outside and walked around my great aunts heaven house, and when we walked a little ways away there was some kinda conflict, and i simply prayed and the conflict was over within under 10 secs. then as the group of my relatives and i went walking back to my great aunts house, i mentioned to my brother my thoughts of asking to reincarnate soon, and he says to me "why not go right now" and i agree, so we teleported to Gods temple and thats where the comic picks up at. what this told me is that being lgbtqia+ isnt a deadly sin, so any member of the rainbow community isnt going to hell for simply being lgbtqia+, which i see as an absolute win.

~~~

thats the most i got for when it comes to visits, which occur when someone's asleep. but, now, its time to go over a couple visions ive had (and no im not gonna talk about when i died cuz that would be 3 posts in a row, so if you wanna see any of that just check it in your own time) because its just visions, i didnt make comics, but just drawings, which, comics are drawings sure, but not all drawings are comics. and, so i stop rambling, lets get started.

---

{ image id : the great flood. as a man drowns under the fermanent from the quickly rising water level, his soul is outside the fermanent, walking up alongside his dying body, unable to help and can only comfort his souless body by watching it slowly unalive. end id }

when i saw this, i honestly saw at least a dozen others doing this too, i also watched who i could only assume was some past incarnation of myself succumb to the same fate. and for those wondering how a soul can be out when the body is clearly still alive, well, 24 hours before someone dies, their soul's already passed on to the afterlife. where the saying 'dead man walking' comes from, because for those 24 hours, the person's already dead, the rest of the world just doesn't know yet.

---

{ image id : the battle at the end of the world. vegetation is barren from the hills as a giant serpent with black scales and glowing yellow eyes makes its way through the landscape. two angels stand in the foreground, aiming their swords to the heavens, causing a pillar of light thats base covers the two. in the distance, the sky is crimson and the clouds are dark grey almost black. end id }

so. also worth mentioning that when i looked to either side of me, there were armies of God all ready for the greatest battle and ready to take part. needless to say it was overwhelming for a lot of reasons.

~~~

so, thats all really. i could get into the couple times i saw the son of God in visits, but the first time was me in a back room with boxes and he was running by and seemed to be busy and i didnt wanna bother him because of that so i didnt say anything, and the second time we were at this park near my childhood home and i asked him if him and adam are technically in a way brothers and we both ended up laughing causing me to wake up.

~~~

from all this i understand that theres stuff im not allowed to know of my visits for one reason or another, and i kinda figure its so i dont cheat at life. because if i had all the answers, than how else is life supposed to test me.

earth is a school after all, and i at least want my place earned on Gods fridge with a magnet hopefully 🤞

#my art #religion #probably controversial #but its just what ive gone through and what i know

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kaguya-muneuji · 2 years ago

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i stopped playing for now but here are my first thoughts about saint spell!! spoilers below perhaps?

i love love love loveee barnaby he is so relatable and cute and GAH i jsut wanna hug him so bad (also his fail ending??? bro i was NOT prepared for what came onto my screen) i love that hes a fanfic writer and he is soo right about love triangles being overrated,,, i really want to draw him now!!! he first popped out at me as a character too while i was lookign at all the art of them, he just looked so. pathetic. he is so pathetic. what can i say, i love me my pathetic boys <3

bugbear still scares me. i looked up his cgs and im just going to say that i literally never want to do his route he is so scary

i went thru the hui route!!! he really reminds me of a certain character in a webtoon that i read forever ago but hes really sweet :) in my personal opinion his success cg doesnt look all that good to me- i prefer the softer look that he has in his pixel sprite! oo i wonder how his antlers are going to work if i ever draw him....

currently paused on the alucain route!!! i was so surprised at the +11 INT added onto my score i ltierally cheated and went back and forth until i got the right amounts for the little pop quiz in the first class KJSDAJKSDJK but right now they seem soo cool. i saw them in my first (forever alone) route in the infirmary and ksjhdfkajsfhkjh theyre so hot i mean what :,)

the routes i want to try doing next are luca, areve, arbor (i think she requires you to die to finish her route???), aniva (jfc she has FOUR cgs and ive only gotten 1 o_O i wonder what her other cgs are...), and evelyn

ik ive mentioned this a lot but the ARTSTYLE. JUST WOW. its so pretty and it never gets boring- i find new details every time i visit a place

thru the few rounds ive played ive always gotten above whats needed for the INT requirement which i think is funny because one time it went over 20 because i was too scared to go anywhere else (cough cough im scared of random encounters with bugbear please dude do not kill me)

suffice to say ill probably be playing this game in my free time for a couple more days, assuming ill run out of steam quickly, but if i dont... well i think i might draw for saint spell llolo ill still draw for enstars and twst mostly!! its jsut that saint spell has now been added to my list of fandoms (can i even do that/??)

#saint spells love guide #like a lot of rambles #all of the characters look so good i love the artstyle too #nova.txt

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heliianth · 2 years ago

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how are you enjoying TotK's story so far?

on the dragons tears side i only have 3, 4, 5, 6, and 10 so by no means the complete picture, but unfortunately i have been spoiled for the end of it, i think? ive also only completed the rito regional disturbance quest. ill talk abt what i think so far below the cut

from what ive seen of it, the story is interesting. i dont particularly like time shenanigans stories, more often than not they enable lazy character/writing decisions, create plot holes, and wander around too much to have coherent themes. when time travel comes up in stories i always feel like there needs to be a justification, some lesson or reason that is realized for why it needed to happen. so u can imagine that my experience with the dragons tears so far has been waiting for that justification moment, which i think i already have?

apparently zelda turns into a dragon. tear 5 talks about draconification and how people lose themselves, and ive seen fanart and dragon zelda's actual model in-game flying around the eldin archipelago (made me pretty emotional, though i do suspect any significant reaction i might have with this has been ruined by being spoiled). this is where the story is treading ice for me, and im being super careful to avoid the leadup to the whole dragon thing. because if its a situation where zelda is forced into it, theres no other way and she HAS to do this or else the world explodes or whatever, then i dont think ill be super fond. itll feel like a rehash of what happened during the calamity in botw, where zelda is forced into holding it back for 100 years until link heals. i dont like it when stories have good arcs (in this case, zelda's) but just retread it because theres a sequel and it doesnt know how to further develop the character.

on the other hand, if zelda chooses to make this decision with her own autonomy and reasons, like thinks about it, then i think this writing decision could work as a way of showing how much she's grown when placed in that similar situation she was in during the calamity. zeldas arc is all about love and connection, whether that be with link or her other friends, including love for herself. all i ask for is that the dragons tears story builds upon this instead of just redoing botw but worse

on the rito side of things, i thought it was fun. tulin is a fun little dude. i think its fascinating how hes positioned at the beginning as seeming arrogant and uncooperative, but grows to realize that he needs to rely on others to do the things he wants. hes almost a character foil of revali in that way. the wind powers being revealed as a sage thing is also interesting. obviously i and many other players have made a connection between tulins wind gust (i like to call it tulins tornado c:) and revalis gale, and we know teba isnt related in any way to revali like the rest of them are to the champions. so it does feel like a little extra W from beyond the grave on revali's end. turns out he really did bootstraps his way into rediscovering lost magic. TLDR; i love tulin to bits, even if i wish teba got a tad more screen time. who knows, maybe he'll show up more later.

i would try commenting on the events of the actual game and how they effect link, because link's arc (which happens during the actual game, which i guess the player guides him on) is really important to botw, and i assume it'll be structured similarly here. but obviously im not done with the game so theres not much for me to talk about. i will say that, god. link must be feeling like SHIT. i know when i went to hateno and saw he and zelda lived together, then saw that all the kids in the school loved her enough to draw pictures, i got really choked up. i know i said any significant reaction to the "zelda is a dragon" story beat ill have will be muted by being spoiled beforehand, but depends on how its actually revealed/how link reacts i might still take it like a little baby

so yeah. those are my thoughts

#heliianswers #tloz #didnt tag spoilers bc theyre all below the cut. click at ur own risk

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splattermouth · 2 years ago

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Adaman for the ask meme!

ADAMAAAN ive come around to him a lot, compared to when i first played thru pla.

(Also mind you its been a while since ive played and i took iridas route over adamans so i dont know. Every little detail about him. But i like him <3)

favorite thing about them: he’s so fucking funny, i love that hes like the straight man of hisui. Adaman is so fucking normal (genuine), and literally everyone else around him has like a secret bit they have to commit to or theyll die. And like he just has to deal w it. Like all of it. Everyone’s nonsense all the time. You can tell he’s so tired and he’s just trying to keep it together

Also obligatory, but his design is soo fucking killer. Ive only recently actually sat down to draw him n hes just so fun. So well shaped. I like irida’s design on its own a lot, but like compared to adaman? they did her so dirty.

least favorite thing about them: I WISH WE GOT MORE OF A BACKSTORY WITH HIM UGGH i hate to compare him to Irida sm here, but she got like. A very clear story of struggling to accept her new position as clan leader after being abruptly shoved into it. Of the rest of her clan either having insanely high expectations for her, or in Palina’s case, feeling like she didn’t deserve the position.

I get Adaman’s whole thing was Supposed to be that he struggled to earn respect from the rest of the Diamond Clan until Dialga outright Possessed him (which that part is fucking sick. For the record), but i wish they just made it more apparent that. That’s What was supposed to be happening lol.

Because idk, at least to me, definitely the rest of the clan members were kinda bratty, but i never got the impression they were that way specifically Because they thought Adaman was a weak leader, you know? I didn’t even like realize that’s what was supposed to be happening until like. Reading a few other posts abt Adaman’s position in the story dhdfhgkg Good and interesting ideas w his arc just poor and kinda rushed execution imo!!

favorite line: that one fucking line @ irida towards the end of the main game that was like. ‘I don’t think our rivalry is a Diamond and Pearl Clan thing. I think it’s just a You and I thing.’

lives in my brain.

brOTP: for the love of god i need him and irida to be friends that fucking hate each other.

They are at each others throats over Everything, they will argue Everything just for the sake of arguing, if they every agree w each other on any matter they will both collapse on the spot. They are so sick of each other, but also they are best buddies and no one knows them like They know the other. It’s so fun…

OTP: AH im sorry he’s very aro to me. Both bc I don’t think there’s rly a lot of ppl he could be shipped with anyway, but also he does not strike me as someone who has a romantic interest in. like anyone.

He strikes me as a chaste bisexual man who has never felt an ounce of infatuation for another person in his life. He’s just very buddy-buddy w a lot of people, and he’s happy w that <3

nOTP: so i wouldnt say its a notp bc i dont like. vehemently Hate it, and i think there Could be potential. but im sorry, appraisalshipping makes me kinda :/ a fair amount of the time.

Some stuff is cute, yeah, but most of it is just reeks of ‘i only watch/read/play things for shipping and specifically to ship gay prettyboy twinks’ to me. Adaman and Volo have maybe had all of five lines w each other.

I think there could genuinely be something cool to explore there, like contrasting just how immediately trusting Adaman appears to be of Volo? Compared to Irida who calls Volo's bluff right off the bat for being way too friendly w the protag to be completely genuine. With Adaman just tending to be a more open and friendly person than Irida. Adaman putting his faith in someone he absolutely Should Not just because hey! Adaman’s just a nice person like that! He's not gonna be mean to this guy he just met just bc he's a little overeager! But like god knows no one has any interest exploring That dynamic lmao.

anyway if you ship like adaman/akari im legally allowed to break all of your fingers, slowly and individually

random headcanon: I think he should be like 5’5” at most. He’s short and he’s fat i know this in my heart of hearts.

Also despite always talking about utilizing the time he has to the fullest, he doesn’t strike me as someone that pushes himself or other ppl to constantly be Doing and Accomplishing things, so much as he tries to make every moment meaningful and wants others to do the same. I don’t think he’s all that headstrong as some people may describe him, and i dont think he’d necessarily be someone that thinks like. Taking a nap is a cardinal sin. I think he just wants people to put their limited time on this world to something that matters to them rather than petty bullshit (like arguing w the pearl clan sdhk).

ALSO also less an adaman specific headcanon, but i do personally like to think most of the diamond clan are family, or at least all the main members we see. I know hes canonically brother to melli and mai i think? But i think theyre all one big dysfunctional family and theyre why iscan never leaves the coastlands to visit anymore.

unpopular opinion: i dont think hes boring sorry!! Im guilty of think this at first as well tbf but MAN. going back to the what i dont like abt him thing. Knowing now thats what his whole character arc is supposed to be just makes me :(. He wants to be a good leader and he loves his friends and family a lot and takes such good care of them and they literally like. Do not care until dialga outright tells them to take its little thrall seriously for once. Man. man.

song i associate with them: DHGJKDFH Animal Collective Merriweather Post Pavilion on main. My Girls feels very adaman-core.

youtube

favorite picture of them: So theres like zero actual canon art of him outside of just ingame screenshots but i do like this breezy lil adaman here. annoyed…

#TY DANA!!!#theres probably a lotta typos here but its fine #snap snips #adaman!! yeah i know him!!!

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freyayuki · 11 months ago

Text

Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia Kadaj Banner

The Mother Fixation event just started in the Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia (DFFOO) mobile game. This event came with 1 banner.

Mother Fixation Event Banner

This banner features the following chars and their weapons:

Kadaj from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (#ad) - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Alisaie Leveilleur from Final Fantasy XIV - 15cp, 35cp, and Ex

Maria from Final Fantasy II - 15cp, 35cp, and Ex

Golbez from Final Fantasy IV - Burst or BT only

My Alisaie and Golbez are fully MLB and Purple. I have Golbez’s LD but I’m missing his Burst.

My Maria’s 15cp and 35cp are fully MLB. She used to be at Ex+ 0/3 only but I Purpled her recently.

Mother Fixation is the event that introduced Kadaj as a playable char in this game so this is the first appearance of all of his weapons.

Many say that Kadaj isn’t that good and that he’s skippable. His potencies are kinda low. He’s a debuffer and DPS. His main gimmick is being able to gold frame the debuffs that he inflicts. This means that those debuffs can’t be dispelled no matter what unlike silver-framed or regular debuffs.

Kinda like Kadaj though. Plus he’s a char from Final Fantasy VII. So was interested in pulling for him even if he isn’t meta or anything.

Mother Fixation Banner Multi-Draws Results

Yeah, that’s right. Decided to use gems on this banner. Didn’t want to use tickets and risk failing to get Kadaj then having to use gems anyway. So went straight to the multi-draw. Too bad we don’t get a free pull on this banner.

All I really want here is Kadaj’s LD. His Ex would be nice to have but I have enough Ex tokens to be able to buy it so it’s fine even if it doesn’t drop.

Admittedly, I’d rather not spend the tokens if it can be avoided since they’re pretty scarce so I might keep pulling until I get Kadaj’s Ex. Also have enough Power Tokens to be able to buy both of his 15cp and 35cp. I’ve rarely used these tokens so I don’t mind having to spend them now.

Golbez’s Burst would be nice to have too since that’s the only weapon that I need to complete his kit. Maria and Alisaie have very good Spheres so I wouldn’t mind getting dupes of their Ex weapons.

Maria has a C Sphere called HP Heal Base Attack All Shorter:

After recovering HP: • Raises party’s INT BRV, ATK by 5% for 3 turns

Alisaie has an A Sphere called Critical Magic Attack Up Longer:

Raises MAG ATK by 15% for 6 turns when dealing critical hit *Does not stack with same sphere

Currently, have 543,120 gems on hand. Here’s to hoping I can get Kadaj’s weapons ASAP, preferably before my gem count has to go below 500k.

The first pull gave me a gold orb. Got pretty hyped when I saw it. Unfortunately, no Kadaj LD. Got a dupe of Alisaie’s Ex and 35cp and my very first copy of Kadaj’s 15cp.

I know I said that I wouldn’t mind a dupe of Alisaie’s Ex, but still. Would have preferred to get Kadaj’s Ex and LD already.

Getting my first weapon for Kadaj also automatically recruited him to my party. Yeah, decided to pull first before playing through his event.

4 golds - 2 Kadaj 15cp, Alisaie 15cp, and Alisaie 35cp

It’s nice to see so many golds in one draw but, man, quantity clearly doesn’t necessarily mean quality. At least I can use the 2 dupe Kadaj 15cp to limit break the one that I already have.

Kadaj 15cp

Ugh, what a horrible pull. Not only was it mostly bronze trash, the single gold that I got was nothing more than a dupe. It wasn’t even an Ex dupe which would have been preferable to this.

Now Kadaj’s 15cp is fully MLB. It’s nice that I didn’t have to use Power Stones, but it’s not like I’m in dire need of them anyway.

My fourth multi-draw seemed promising since I just got a gold orb. Ended up with Maria’s 15cp, Alisaie’s 15cp, and my very first copy of Kadaj’s Ex.

Yay! Super pleased to see this. At least I don’t have to spend my Ex tokens anymore.

Now I just need his LD then I can be done with this banner. Here’s to hoping that it comes home soon.

Maria 15cp and Kadaj 15cp

Ugh, what’s with all the Kadaj 15cp dupes? At the very least, couldn’t I get his 35cp? Just noticed that said weapon has yet to show up.

Alisaie Ex

Oh, come on. Again? Seriously? I don’t think that I’ll need a lot of dupes of this. I mean, the Sphere’s good but to get another copy of it, I’ll have to Purple another copy of her Ex.

That requires lots of resources that are better off being used on a new Ex instead of a dupe. At the moment, I’ve yet to Purple a dupe Ex. But I keep all the dupes that I get just in case. I guess I’d have to really, really, really like a char to actually Purple a dupe Ex for them though.

Kadaj 15cp and Alisaie 35cp

Welp, why couldn’t this be the other way around so that I can at least get my first copy of Kadaj’s 35cp already? Also, Kadaj LD, doko da?

2 golds, came from a gold orb - Maria 35cp and Kadaj Ex

Aww, why couldn’t this have been Kadaj’s LD instead? I could just use Power Stones to MLB his Ex. His Sphere isn’t that good either. It’s an A Sphere called Debuff Attack Boost Up:

While debuffed enemy present: • Raises own MAX BRV, ATK by 5%

Okay, it’s actually pretty bad. I mean, raising ATK and MAX BRV is always a good thing but 5% is way too low.

For A Spheres, the usual percentage is 10%. So, yeah, I don’t see myself using these 5%-only Spheres unless I’m going for some sort of joke theme or something, like having a char with 3 5% Spheres.

Argh, Kadaj LD, when are you gonna show up? Am I gonna have to go for the pity? I’ll do it if I have to, but I’d really rather not.

Also, I was really hoping that his LD would show up before I have to go down to below 500k gems. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. My next multi-draw will bring me down to 498,120 gems.

Was pretty miffed about that but the results of this multi-pull more than made up for that. Got 3 golds - Alisaie’s 15cp, Maria Ex’s, and my very first copy of Kadaj’s LD.

Hell, yes! So freaking pleased to see this. He’s finally home. Yay! Wasn’t expecting to see his LD yet though. Was afraid that I was gonna have to pity it. Heck, this draw didn’t even give me a gold orb so I was all set to get trash again which was why I missed the congratulations screen that showed his LD.

I now have 180 G-Tokens on this banner. Exchanging for an Ex or LD costs 300 while Bursts cost 500. Debated doing another multi-draw to get to 200 G-Tokens which would get me a Book. In the end, decided against it since it wasn’t like I was in dire need of Books either.

Besides, Tifa Lockhart’s (from Final Fantasy VII) LD is coming soon. This is another must-have for me so am definitely using gems to pull for this. In short, need to save as much as possible.

Kinda sad about missing Golbez’s BT but I don’t really need it, and I don’t think it’s worth it to pity it so, yeah, am done with this banner. Exchanged the 100 G-Tokens for a Power Stone. Can’t do anything with the leftover 80 G-Tokens but it’s fine.

Kadaj from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

As aforementioned, was able to fully MLB Kadaj’s 15cp without having to use a single Power Stone.

Since Kadaj’s Sphere is bad and I don’t see myself ever Purpling his Ex twice, I readily fused the 2 copies of his Ex that I got. Then I spent the 8 Power Stones needed to MLB it. Afterwards, used a Book to get his Ex to Ex+ 0/3 then 3 Ingots to Purple it or get it to Ex+ 3/3.

Spent 12 Power Stones to fully MLB Kadaj’s LD then used 25 Power Tokens to buy his 35cp from the shop. I then spent the 12 Power Stones needed to MLB said weapon.

Spent the resources needed to get Kadaj from Level 1 to Level 80 and Crystal Level 1 to Crystal Level 80. Completed all of his Character Enhancement Boards. Bought his Bloom Stone. Bought his High Armor.

Started working on his Summon Boards. Wanted to try him out so instead of using Wild Points to automatically max out all of his Boards or just using auto+ to quickly grind out his Boards, I decided to play them all manually.

Really enjoying him so far. His Ex animation’s pretty awesome too. Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII appears whenever Kadaj casts it.

Since I was grinding his Summon Boards manually, it took a while before I finished all of them, but I didn’t mind. It really wasn’t that bad at all since these quests have been powercrept by now.

Spheres for Kadaj from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Kadaj’s Sphere Slots are A, A, and E. Equipped him with the following Spheres:

Garland’s (from Final Fantasy I) Break Hit Raging Attack Up A Sphere

Raises ATK by 2% when inflicting Break or attacking target afflicted with Break up to 5 times, once per turn

Oerba Yun Fang’s (from Final Fantasy XIII) Break Hit Attack Up Longer A Sphere

Raises ATK by 10% for 6 turns when inflicting Break or attacking target afflicted with Break

The Emperor’s (from Final Fantasy II) Debuff Success Attack Up Longer E Sphere

Raises own ATK by 10% for 6 turns when inflicting debuff on target

No regrets so far. Super pleased to see all of Kadaj’s Spheres activating basically every time he moves.

Artifacts for Kadaj from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

My Kadaj is basically complete now. Just missing his blue armor but that requires scarce resources so I’m holding off on giving him that for now. Heck, I don’t even have a single char yet with blue armor. Besides, at the moment, it doesn’t seem necessary anyway.

The only other thing that I’m missing for Kadaj are his perfect Artifacts. He needs 3 ATK 108 with Remnant Up★★ (While Latent Thoughts active: Raises own MAX BRV, ATK by 5%).

Getting these was easier said than done though since I don’t have even the basic Moogle Pass that guarantees double red Arts currently active. So I had to deal with seeing lots of trashy and useless Artifacts.

Spent multiple Tomes to triple my Eidoja drops and even resorted to spending 100 gems to continuously refresh my Bells whenever I run out. It’s been forever since I last did this.

Nowadays, I just use Tomes and then wait for my Bells to refresh before farming again. And I settle for just getting triple of a char’s preferred Artifact.

But I already gave Kadaj everything. He has all of his Boards completed. He has all of his weapons maxed. He even has Spheres. Even spent for his High Armor. So I don’t want to leave him incomplete like this. It feels wrong.

Maybe I should have farmed for his Artifacts first before giving him Spheres and buying his High Armor, but I was all set to max him (except his blue armor but I’d say that doesn’t count right now since I don’t think that I’m getting anyone blue armor anytime soon) and I didn’t think it’d be this hard to get his perfect Arts.

After spending what feels like forever farming already, all I managed to get so far was triple ATK 108 with Remnant Up★.

Ah, if only I had the Mog Pass active, I’d be done farming by now. Sigh. I was able to get Kadaj double orange Arts though.

As you can see in the screenshot below, managed to get him triple ATK 108 with MAX BRV 330. Too bad these aren’t his perfect Artifacts.

In the Mother Fixation co-op, Kadaj’s Eidojas dropped alongside Maria’s, Alisaie’s, Nine’s (from Final Fantasy Type-0), and Fujin’s (from Final Fantasy VIII) so I farmed for their Artifacts as well. Sort-of anyway.

To be more precise, I already have triple ATK 108 with MAX BRV 330 for Maria so she ended up as fodder though later on, I ended up fusing some of her Eidojas to try and get perfect Arts for her at a lower CP cost.

The same could be said for Nine although his perfect Arts are triple ATK 108 with Reckless Lancer Up★★ (With at least 2 levels of Wild Roar active on self: Raises MAX BRV, ATK by 5%).

I have triple ATK 108 with Sturm und Drang Boost★★ (Raises INT BRV, MAX BRV by 5% in Wind mode) for Fujin but since her perfect Arts were apparently triple ATK 108 with MAX BRV 330, I fused her Eidojas instead of using them as fodder.

For Alisaie, I have triple ATK 108 with MAX BRV 330 and triple ATK 108 with INT BRV 170 and 1 ATK 108 with Acceleration Boost★★ (Raises MAX BRV, ATK by 5% for 3 turns upon using Veraero, Verthunder).

Yeah, she and the others were some of the chars who I ended up farming for way back when my free premium Moogle Pass was active.

This is Kadaj’s intro event so he wasn’t around back then yet, otherwise I’d have farmed for him then too.

Anyway, Alisaie was fodder at first too. And then I managed to get triple ATK 108 with MAX BRV 330 for Fujin already so I decided to farm 2 more ATK 108 with Acceleration Boost★★ for Alisaie since they seemed better for her than 108/330.

After I ended up getting them, I decided that I’d try farming for lower CP cost of her Arts. The same could be said for the other chars and I just ended up switching whichever one of their Eidojas I’d fuse.

Because it didn’t really matter anymore. They all had perfect Arts already. The lower CP cost was nice to have but wasn’t necessary. Much later, I wouldn’t even bother fusing for their Arts anymore and they all just became fodder for fusing Kadaj’s Eidojas.

That’s the vexing thing though. Managed to finish farming for everyone else already, all except for Kadaj. Frustrating and annoying doesn’t begin to cover it. Was getting really mad that Kadaj’s perfect Artifacts refused to show up no matter how much I kept on farming.

Then, finally, after what felt like forever, I got my very first ATK 108 with Remnant Up★★ for Kadaj. Hell, yes! So freaking pleased to see this. Readily replaced one of the 1-star Remnant Up Arts.

It’s not over yet though. Need 2 more before I can finally be done with this co-op. By now, I’m so freaking sick and tired of this co-op. Heck, like I said, I’m already done farming everyone else’s Arts.

I’ve also already finished clearing out the shop. So I’m only really here now for Kadaj. And I really wish that he’d give me his perfect Arts already so I can be done with this.

Unfortunately, I didn’t see another 108/Remnant Up★★, not for a long while anyway. Instead, aside from the usual trash, I kept getting 108/330. Some cost 15 CP while some had much lower cost so I just made sure to keep the low cost ones even if I’m not gonna be using them anyway.

Ah, if only these 108/330 were 108/Remnant Up★★ instead. Why do I keep getting 108/330 anyway?

It also feels like Remnant Up★★ itself showed up very rarely even when accompanied by crappy passives. I was like, come on, how could it be this hard to get Kadaj’s perfect Artifacts? He isn’t even one of those with cursed Arts. Argh!

Very frustrating. Needless to say, was really super pleased when I finally got my second 108/Remnant Up★★.

By now, I’ve lost track of how much time, not to mention gems, I’ve spent farming for these Arts. It’s too late to turn back now though. Already spent a lot of resources on this so need to see it through to the end.

At least I just need 1 more now to finally be done with this. Of course, the game has no intention of making this easy, huh?

Yet again, had to spend lots of time and gems to keep on fusing Kadaj’s Eidojas. Was beyond relieved when the third and last 108/Remnant Up★★ finally appeared. Hell, yes! Finally, this ordeal’s over.

Man, I never want to do this again. Well, I say that, but I’m likely gonna do this again for a char who I like and that I decide to max out.

Everyone else can just get triple of their preferred stat. Heck, Arts aren’t even that necessary anymore. Still, for chars who I have fully built, especially those with Spheres, I want to give them perfect Artifacts too.

Can’t exactly say I regret this. I mean, I wish that I didn’t have to spend all those gems refreshing my Bells just to keep farming. Also went through a lot of Tomes so am gonna need to stock up on those now which means spending more gems.

So maybe there’s a bit of regret there but I am really pleased to finally have perfect Arts for Kadaj. I think I’d have regretted it more if I failed to get his perfect Arts.

Conclusion

So, what about you? Did you pull on the Mother Fixation banner? What do you think about Kadaj, Maria, and all the other chars featured on these banners? Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions by leaving a comment below or by reblogging or replying to this post.

Notes:

screenshots are from my Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia game account

#dissidia final fantasy opera omnia #pulls for these chars:#kadaj #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy 7: advent children #alisaie leveilleur #golbez #maria #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy 4 #final fantasy 2 #dffoo #dffoo gem pulls #gacha games #dffoo banner pulls #games

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diludae · 2 years ago

Note

hi hi!! im coming from your requests post (ive never requested something before so i hope this is where i go lol). may i request quote number four // grey valley sunset ? i have no preference for a writing or drawing, whichever you'd prefer to do :)) i just need me some sadness bahaha

xx 🤍🤍

𝓠𝓾𝓪𝓻𝓻𝓮𝓵𝓼 𝓫𝔂 𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓵𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 (𝓰𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰)

this gave me some struggle but I'M SO PROUD OF IT

diluc x gn!reader // hurt/comfort // suggestion by @loreculus // Diludae's 200 Follower Cafe (now closed) // Bad ending // enjoy! <3

“Why do every time I come back late, you can never keep your damn mouth shut?”

It was anything but normal for Diluc to speak so harshly to you. You were his pride and joy, never would he want to do anything that would hurt you. But now, he had a point to not just teach you, but drill into your skull.

You had been patiently waiting for him to arrive home all night. It was nearly 2 am, and the winery was pitch black except for a candle which you had lit earlier. You were usually fine with his late night antics, but tonight, something about the thought of him nearly murdering other people just urked you.

Diluc opened the winery’s doors, drenched in blood. Luckily it was not his own, instead belonging to several Fatui camps he had wiped out earlier. Whether or not that was a good thing was for you to decide.

You hopped out of your chair and set down the book you had been reading, ready to welcome him in your arms. That was until you saw how bloody his coat was. Your arms instead slightly retracted, and the look on your face fell.

“Love, is something wrong? Did I do anything to upset you?” How doting Diluc always was. “I’m um, fine. Just why is there so much blood? Are you hurt?” “Not at all, I’m fine. Those Fatui however, aren’t doing all that well.”

Something about his tone simply scared you. It was threatening, maybe even a tad sadistic. Like he enjoyed killing, or as he liked to call it, “assisting in the departure” of a person. Diluc could tell you were at least a tad bit scared by the look on your face.

“My darling..” He took one step forward, while you took one step back. His face formed a large frown. “There is nothing to be scared about. In fact, I was out there protecting you. I expect some gratitude for my hard work.”

“Why do you have to kill them? Can’t you just give them minor injuries or something?” Your gaze was averted. Diluc was highly offended by this statement.

“Do you really think a minor injury is the key to protecting this nation? I take pride in my work, and all you are doing is diminishing it. I spend all night risking my life for you and everyone else's protection, and this is how you repay me? With fear and doubt?!”

You finally looked him in the eyes. They were filled with disdain and hurt. “Well, they were people too, and-”

“They were people on a mission to bring harm to others. I was doing the city a favor.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to stoop to their level! Why can’t you be the bigger person?”

His eyes widened as he slowly walked towards you. However, unlike last time, you stood your ground. He looked down on you and placed his hands on your shoulders.

“Why do every time I come back late, you can never keep your damn mouth shut?”

As soon as those words came out of his mouth, you bolted up the stairs to your shared room. With tears in your eyes you locked the door, shutting Diluc and his insane reasoning out of your thoughts.

Click here for the "Bad ending" If you wish to see the good ending, keep on reading!

It wasn’t until he could hear the door shut that he realized his mistake. How could he say such a thing? You were always so sweet and affectionate to him, you deserved to confront him about your concerns. Maybe he was wrong, maybe just maybe had he been so blinded by revenge that his morals were twisted.

A knock was heard on your door. “Y/n? Love? Please open the door, I need to speak with you.”

You hesitated before opening the door, only barely cracking it to see his stoic expression. To others he looked bored or uninterested, but you could see the desperation in his eyes. You opened the door further to let him in.

Diluc ran inside the room and engulfed you in a hug. “Please don’t be angry at me, I didn’t mean it libeling I’ll be better. I swear” His words were spoken in a rush, he was always like this after a fight. It was cute in a sense, he was always desperate to ensure your happiness.

“It’s alright, Diluc. I don’t even know why I was so upset when I wasn’t every other night, it was stupid-” “Your concerns are anything but stupid, Y/n.”

He guided you to lay down on the bed, snuggling next to you. “I have taken your words to heart, and I realize your standing. Thank you for helping me gain a new perspective.”

“Of course, honey. Isn’t that what I’m here for?”

No matter what this man would do, your heart would always belong to him.

Diluc heard the door suddenly open. Thankfully, it was just Adelinde with two cups of piping hot tea. “Master Diluc, I see you two have reconciled.” She whispered, glancing over to your sleeping figure, cuddled up on Diluc’s chest. “Where would you like me to set this tea?” “Just on the bedside table is fine.”

She smiled as she watched him comb through your hair. You looked so peaceful, resting without a care in the world.

“Please take good care of them Master Diluc. They deserve it.”

“Thank you, Adelinde.”

As the maid quietly closed your door, Diluc looked down at your sleeping figure. Just how did he fall in love so deeply?

"How many scars did you justify, because you love the person holding the knife?" -Unknown

#diluc genshin #genshin #genshin impact #diluc #diluc ragnvindr #hoyoverse #diluc r #mihoyo #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr x reader #°✶ 𝙙𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙙𝙖𝙚 [𝙛𝙖𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙘!]#°✶ 𝙙𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙙𝙖𝙚 [200!]

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baroquebucky · 4 years ago

Text

embrace

soulmate au where when you touch your soulmate you see glimpses of your future with them; the winter soldier touches you and realizes there’s so much more out there

series masterlist // previous // next

part three

word count: 2.3k

masterlist

a/n: hi bffs !!! here is the third installment for my soulmate au !! i think I’ll make one or two more parts and then end it ! let me know what you guys think i love reading your thoughts !! <3 (bonus points if u find all the parallels heh)

You didn’t hesitate throwing your arms around him, tears flowing down your cheeks as you held onto him tightly. Bucky held you just as tight, burrowing his face in your shoulder and a smile on his face.

Bucky felt home. He felt the way he imagined the smell of freshly baked cookies would feel, he felt warm and fuzzy. Bucky felt happy.

“i- where have you been what happened i thought- we all- oh my god steve he’s been going crazy and-” you rambled, a smile on your face. You looked at bucky, he was just as tall as your remembered, his eyes a bit brighter and you felt your heart flutter.

“oh come in!” You chuckled, pulling him by his metal arm into your home, a smile on your face as you led him to your living room.

“i never introduced myself” he spoke, eyes on the ground as you prepared two cups of hot chocolate. You looked at him, laughing lightly.

“guess you didn’t huh” you replied, taking out the cups and putting in some marshmallows before walking back over to the couch, setting the two cups on the table and turning to face him.

“I’m y/n” you smiled brightly, extending your hand out. Bucky grinned, shaking your hand and introducing himself.

“I’m bucky” you felt your face heat up as he smiled at you, much different from the last time when you looked at each other.

“does Steve know you’re here? that you’re you?” you questioned, eyeing him to try and get read on his body language. He shifted slightly, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

“not really no, i-” he hesitated before fiddling with his hands and speaking up again, “ive been laying low, i just couldn’t stop thinking about you and the visions i saw” he spoke, blushing and you couldn’t stop the smile on your face.

“i couldn’t either” you replied, looking at him before looking at the way the marshmallows melted into the hot chocolate. “I was so worried these past couple of months, i tried helping steve and Sam but it was so much and we were getting no where” you mumbled, heart falling as you thought of all your fruitless efforts.

Bucky noticed the way your voice trembled as you spoke and how you grilled the mug a little tighter. He felt his chest tighten.

“I’m here now doll” he spoke softly, moving to put your mug down and pulling you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

You relaxed into his touch, tears welling in your eyes once more, you let yourself lean into him, closing your eyes for a second and enjoying his embrace.

“i missed you so much, can’t believe i could miss someone i didn’t even know that much” you laughed, sniffling lightly as you pulled away

“we’re soulmates dollface, we’re meant to be” he smiled softly at you and you nodded, a small smile as you wiped away a couple stray tears.

It was easy to fall into comfortable conversation with each other. All laughs and giggles as you spoke, the sun high in the sky already and the city wide awake despite it being early in the morning.

You so happy to have bucky with you, a smile on your face as you started to think of all you had to show him, thoughts of the future you had seen made you giddy with excitement.

“oh you have to meet Sam! The two of you would be so funny together bickering all the time- oh also there’s this coffee shop i really like, very quaint but-” you rambled, trying to fit in everything you wanted to tell bucky.

“I’m moving” bucky cut you off, a frown on his face as he glanced over at you. He focused his gaze on you, stomach dropping when you stared at him with a confused expression.

“like here? to New York?” You were quiet, knowing that’s not what he meant. Bucky but his bottom lip in frustration before turning to you with sad eyes.

“romania, i cant be here- not while HYDRA is still out there and I’m wanted for everything I’ve done” bucky frowned. Your heart broke in your chest, you wanted to curl up and cry.

You just got him back. You had lost him twice already, you weren’t sure if you could handle a third.

“you can’t- i just got you back you can’t go” you shook your head, eyes watery already. You held his hand tightly and bucky wanted to badly to stay.

“i have to” he whispered, “you know i do.”

And you did, you knew this was his best chance and you had to let him go. You knew how painful it would be and how much you would miss him. You thought about the amount of time you had cried at night, wishing you could get to the future already.

But you also knew you would get your happy ending, you knew at some point in your life you would be happily in love and laughing in a meadow of flowers watching a sunset with him. And that’s what you held onto.

“promise me you’ll come back to me” you whispered, scooting closer to him, his hands still in yours.

“I always will doll” he smiled, slipping his hand out of yours and placing it softly under your chin, tilting your head so you could look at him. Your watery eyes met his baby blue ones, you swore they sparkled slightly.

“don’t worry your pretty head doll, we still have forever to be happy” he smiled, leaning in slightly. Bucky stopped centimeters away from your lips, your heart racing at his actions, you wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

“may i?” He whispered. You didn’t reply, instead you crashed your lips onto him. It was needy and rough, your teeth hitting each other at one point but you didn’t care. It felt like your heart were beating in sync, you felt whole.

You both pulled away, breathless before laughing lightly, your hair messy from his hands tugging at it. Bucky ran his hand through his hair, a charming smile on his face as you two regained your composure.

“if you kiss me like that again i don’t think I’ll let you go” you teased, heart heavy as he frowned slightly.

“what if i kiss you like this” he mumbled, softly placing his lips back onto yours. It was much gentler, softer and sweet. Your hand easily finding its way to his hair, fingers cascading through his soft hair. Bucky smiled into the kiss, giving you a soft peck before pulling away.

“you’re gonna be the death of me” you whispered, heart thumping in your ears. Bucky smiled at you sweetly, pulling you into his arms and holding you.

You wiggled a bit, laying your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat, your eyes closing and falling asleep before you could even fight to stay awake.

Bucky woke you up at around 1 pm, shaking you gently. Your eyes opened slowly and you realized you were back in your bed, tucked in under your blanket.

“i waited a bit before bringing you back to bed, didn’t wanna wake you again” bucky smiled and you laughed, sitting up and yawning, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“i got some food for us, figured you’d be hungry” bucky spoke, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as you walked out of your room when you finished brushing your teeth and changing out of your pajamas.

You looked at bucky with a smile on your face, bounding over to him and tackling him with a hug, kissing his cheek. You silently thanked the universe for giving you bucky as your soulmate as the two of you talked while you ate.

Bucky had never felt so at ease, he wasn’t worried about someone kicking his door down or having to keep running. All he could focus on was the way you would smile anytime he laughed and the way you blushed when your eyes would meet.

The two of you spent the day together, cuddled up on the couch and watching a movie, just like you had seen the first time the two of you ever touched. You smiled to yourself while bucky focused on the movie, his hand mindlessly drawing circles on your arm as he held you. This was how it was meant to be, your soulmate by your side and the feeling of home.

But nothing ever seems to go as it should. By the time night came you were saying goodbye, both of you teary eyed as he held you tightly, not wanting to go but know he had to.

It had taken an hour to move from the couch to halfway to the door, both of you crying messes with soft giggles trying to cheer each other up.

Finally you had reached the door, both of you going through too many tissues and looking at each other with teary eyes and matching pink noses.

“before i go” bucky turned, pulling away from the handle and into his jacket pocket, you could hear the jingling of metal. “I want you to have these, until we can be together again” he smiled, holding out his dog tags.

You didn’t know what to say, tears flowing down your cheeks again as you looked at him. Bucky hugged you, letting you cry into his chest for a moment before you calmed down.

“are you sure buck? I mean they must mean so much to you” you looked at him and he smiled, nodding before easily putting them on you, his heart fluttering as he took in the sight of them on you.

“I’ll see you soon dollface” Bucky smiled, kissing your temple and you nodded, hands clutching his dog tags.

“see you soon lovebug, I’ll be waiting here for you” you smiled, loving the way he blushed at the new nickname.

When you found out about steve finding him in Romania you acted surprised, guilt washing over you for hiding the information from your friend but you knew it’s what bucky wanted.

You offered to go help him and Sam on the rescue mission but they stopped you, telling you it was best for you to stay out of this one. You wanted to argue but you couldn’t blame them, you had been a wreck after bucky left, barely sleeping and crying over your soulmate.

You didn’t expect the bombing at the UN, bucky being framed and the whole team falling out. You had been in New York the whole time, skipping out on the meeting with the accords because you just so happened to have the flu that week.

“oh yeah stay home i can’t afford you getting everyone sick” tony has spoken over the phone, hanging up on you, a frown on your face. Not ten minutes later did you get a notification saying food was being delivered to your house, nice warm soup along with some medicine to help you feel better.

You least expected steve flying you out to wakanda, eyes wide as you took in all the technology, heart thumping in your chest knowing bucky would be right around the corner.

You felt your heart stop as you saw him in a white tank top, running up to him and wrapping your arms around him. Your cheeks hurt from how much you were smiling and bucky held you tightly with his right arm, leaning into your touch.

“oh doll I’ve missed you so damn much” he mumbled, a smile on his face as the two of you held each other for the first time in months.

“missed you so much more james” you spoke breathless, pulling away before placing a gentle kiss on his lips, the two of you smiling and resting your foreheads against each other.

“y/n-” you pressed your lips to his, quieting him. Pulling away you looked at him with love in your eyes, heart racing as he smiled at you softly.

“Steve already told me” you explained, knowing how much it would pain him to tell you. Bucky nodded, his lips curling into a gentle smile as he looked at you. His eyes landed on the outline of his dog tags under your shirt.

“you still have ‘em on” he whispered his eyes soft and his heart melting as you nodded.

“I never take them off lovebug” you replied, holding his hand in your as he smiled up at you. Steve placed a hand on your shoulder signaling it was time.

You stepped away from bucky, his hand holding onto yours tighter, not wanting to let go. You made sure you kept his hand in yours, interlacing your fingers.

“You sure about this?” Steve spoke up and bucky nodded, a tight smile on his face as his eyes flickered between the two of you.

“i cant trust my own mind,” he chuckled dryly, “until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head i think going back under is the best thing” he looked at you with a soft smile, “for everybody.”

You squeezed his hand, nodding your head softly. “don’t worry lovebug, I’m yours forever” you whispered, a smile on your face as he recognized the phrase as the same on you had spoke to him in the flashes when you first touched.

“I’m yours forever, doll” Bucky spoke, kissing your temple before slipping his hand out of yours, and stepping into the machine.

You stood next to Steve as the machine whirred, looking away as it froze over. Steve put his arm around you, leading you away.

You held onto the memories you had made months ago in your apartment. You held onto the flashes you had gotten of the two of you having a picnic in the meadow, giggling with the sunset in the background.

You held onto bucky, your hope.

taglist !

@felicityofbakerstreet @newyork47 @classygirlything @ebxny27 @hhaydenn @miaangel24 @shawnie--jo @quinnmaddie @mugscraps @bucky-32557038 @marvelfansworld @hey-there-angels @buckys2thicc @groovyvalentine

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 years ago

Text

Hue and Cry IV

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape; abuse of power, threats, chase, unwanted touching, mild violence.

This is dark!medieval!Bucky Barnes x reader and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Synopsis: You’re forgiven but only by the sins of another.

Note: Yesterday went pretty good! I have a longer day today but I will likely have my Second Anniversary Writing Challenge up on or before Thursday for all of you guys! I can’t wait and for now, I got number 4 done.

Thanks to everyone and thanks in advance for all your feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Another servant brought Lord Barnes’ first meal. You watched from the corner, huddled under the wool blanket. He had her place a bowl of porridge before you but there was no generosity in the gesture. He only sustained you for his own means. You gulped from the rim and the oats piled in your stomach heavily.

He didn’t say a word to you as he ate. He strapped on his arm and grunted as he tightened each strap. You helped him dress after he shot you a dark look and he stopped you as you made to take a step back. You were still naked and prone to his will.

“I didn’t want it to be like this,” he said, “you understand? It doesn’t have to-- you frustrate me and it makes me cruel. You should do without me asking.”

“My lord,” you watched his hand grip your wrist tighter. He yanked you closer.

“You are not responsible for my meals anymore or tidying. Any woman with a speck of wit can do that. You…” he turned and thrust you towards the bed, “see to this, see to me, that I am happy and I will make you happy.”

You stared at the mattress. Your lips parted and you were sure you uttered “yes, my lord,” but it felt more like a cough.

He huffed and nudged you closer to the bed, “sleep, I am certain the floor allowed for little of that. Upon my return, you might seek my forgiveness… and perhaps to begin in your new duties.”

You turned and sat on the edge. He looked down at you and pulled his gloves on. He scrunched his lips and tilted his head as he thought, seemingly having a conversation with himself.

“And you will not look at me like that,” he said as he strode away and grabbed his cape from the atop the chest where he’d laid it out, “I am not a monster.”

He was gone and you were lost. You knew there was a guard outside that door, you knew the castle was crawling with them. You had nowhere to go and nothing to do but what he said. So you buried your head and tried to forget all that, if only for a moment.

🏰

You woke to pain. You lived the last day in pain but a spark in your thigh awoke you. You groaned and pushed the pillow away and looked down at the hand that crawled along the welts on your legs. As the palm brushed over the curve of your ass, your eyes found his face and you squeaked.

It hurt to move but you rolled away and sat up, hugging the pillow as you faced Lord Rogers. His blue eyes glimmered as he smiled at you.

“What-- my lord, where is Lord Barnes?” you gasped.

“He is withheld in the stables,” Rogers pulled his knees up on the bed and crawled over to grab your ankle, “I did seek to ask after you and your condition. His rage does make him cruel.”

“Don’t,” you pushed on his hand as it tugged on your leg, “he will not be happy if you proceed, my lord.”

“Don’t? You are bold for a servant,” he took your other ankle and yanked you hard so you fell onto your back. You dropped the pillow and swatted at him as he tried to wrench your legs apart, “he owes me, he cannot be mad at me claiming my debt--”

“No,” you wriggled and twisted around onto your stomach, your legs tangled strangely as you grasped the edge of the bed. You slipped one leg free and kicked out, your toes jabbed his chest harshly and he released your other ankle. You tumbled onto the floor and cried out as you jarred your wrist.

You heard him coming around the bed and you got to your feet unsteadily, holding the square end table for support. You were so stunned after the rude awakening you could hardly think. It felt like a nightmare, like you were still asleep and trapped in your fears.

You grabbed the heavy brass candlestick and swung out at Rogers as he came near. He dodged and chuckled darkly.

“Ay,” he bent his arm to deflect your second strike, “you don’t want to do that, sweetness.”

“Please, no,” you begged, “Lord Barnes, he said-- he would hurt me more--”

“He doesn’t need to know,” Rogers smirked and you lashed out at him again and caught his forearm. He backed up and held where you’d struck, “My word, you are a little bitch.”

“Stop, don’t come closer,” you stumbled against the wall and pressed your back to it as you sidled away, “please.”

“I just want a little taste,” he hummed, “Barnes won’t know--”

You hit him again and he swore as he gripped his shoulder. You clung to the candlestick and dashed for the door. You unlatched it and ripped it open, only to stagger back at the figure waiting for you on the other side. Lord Barnes stood with his hand still in position to grab the long handle and his brows drew together in displeasure.

“And where--” he began as he entered and his voice died as he sighted the other lord holding his shoulder, only a few inches behind you as he haled mid-chase, “Steve,” Barnes said evenly and eyed him then the candlestick in your hand. He reached down and freed it from your hold, “go,” he nudged your shoulder and pointed you to the corner.

You cowered as you passed Lord Rogers and did as Barnes bid. You stood in the corner and shivered as he gestured for the other lord to follow him into the corridor. The door closed violently behind them and you pressed yourself to the chilled stones.

“Now I know why my guard has strayed,” Barnes' voice carried through the wood, “did I not promise you a reward in due time?”

“I was only playing with her,” Rogers argued.

“She should have knocked you in the head with this,” Barnes hissed, “I should break my promise now, truly it would be your dissolution on the matter for your impatience.”

“She needs a good slap, she is far to brazen,” Steve sneered, “she struck me, twice.”

“Good,” Barnes said, “she knew better than you.”

There was silence and then a long sigh.

“Go, I haven’t the energy for this and our travels on the morrow,” Barnes huffed.

“Buck,” Rogers said softly.

“If it does not happen again, I will let it be,” Barnes muttered, “I am tired.”

The door opened and footsteps faded down the corridor. Barnes entered and tossed the candlestick so it clattered to the floor. You flinched and watched as he struggled to unclasp his cape with one hand. You saw the line between his brows as he grew frustrated. You went to him meekly and hesitantly reached for the buckle. He dropped his arm and let you free the cape.

He nodded and you slung it from the silver hook mounted upon the side of the great wooden wardrobe. You sensed him watching you and turned back to face him. You folded your hand, uncertain, and swayed slightly.

“He should not have done that,” Barnes, said, “you were right to fend him off.”

“My lord,” you replied diligently.

He let out another long breath and walked around the bed. He sat at the foot and watched you dwindle beneath the heat of his gaze. “Understand that you belong to me, first and foremost. You are mine. You do not raise your hand or your voice to me and you do only as I bid.”

“Yes, my lord,” you said.

He lowered his hand and undid his belt. He let it fall loose and unbuttoned the front of his dark vest. “Help me. I’ve already sent for hot water.”

You helped him as you did before. The layers stripped away around the weight of his metal arm. He was not shy of his nudity but he kept you from removing his arm, he did that himself and kept his scars in the shadows as best he could. He fell back, his legs bent over the bed and sniffed.

“Cover yourself in a nightshirt and let the servants in to draw the bath,” he ordered.

You pulled on one of his nightshirts and when the knock came you did as he bid. Servants carried in a large metal tub and a procession of steaming pots filled it with hot water. When it was full, you closed the door and resumed your place in the corner.

Barnes rose and went to the tub. He lowered himself into the water and his blue eyes lingered on you. His broad shoulders pressed against the beaten metal and his single arm stretched around the rim.

“Come here,” he said.

You went to him and stopped beside the tub. His eyes slipped to the nightshirt and his lips curved slightly.

“Take that off, get in,” he nodded to the tub.

You bit down and lifted the hem of the shirt. You put it aside and neared the tub again. You gripped the rim and stepped over the side. Barnes sat up slightly as you drew your second foot in and he directed you with one arm. You turned your back to him as he urged you down against him until your back was against his firm torso.

He purred and his hand fell to your stomach. He traced a trail up to your breasts and fondled them one at a time. You felt a twitch against you and he pushed his hand back down. His fingers crept up and down your body as he explored your flesh with little hums.

“Were you afraid?” he asked, “when Rogers appeared?”

You watched his hand and resisted the want to push him away. Despite the steaming water, you felt cold and distant, almost as if your body wasn’t bound to your mind.

“Yes,” you said, “yes, my lord. He woke me and I didn’t know what to do.”

“You did the right thing,” his lips brushed the top of your head, “you kept yourself for me.”

You held your breath. You hadn’t truly been thinking about him, about what he desired, you were only terrified and desperate, like that night he’d tried to have you. You trembled and let out the air as it began to burn your lungs. Your skin buzzed as it all sank in; you were naked, more so he was naked too, and you were laying there against him.

“My lord,” you eked out as his hand slipped lower and rested over your most intimate part.

He stayed like that for a time. You felt his heartbeat against you as he basked in the warmth of the water and your body. His hand would move back up and he’d hug you to him but then it would hover again along your vee and sometimes his fingers would caress your thigh.

“Are you truly sorry?”

“My lord?” you blinked as your daze was cracked.

“Are you sorry that you ran from me?”

You heard how brittle his voice was and felt the tension in his body. You touched his hand as it rested on your stomach.

“I am truly sorry, my lord,” you almost believed yourself, “I am only a foolish girl and my ignorance did scare me, not-- not you, my lord.”

He nuzzled your head and slid his hand away and twined his fingers between your. You felt his member prodding you from beneath and that scared you. You felt every bit of him against you; his raw strength and his pulsing desire. You closed your eyes and braced for what came next.

“We must begin for the capital tomorrow,” he said and your lashes fluttered in surprise, “that means we must rest. You may sleep in the bed beside me,” he squeezed your hand and moved it over chest, “would you like that?”

You thought of the cold stone and the ache in your bones, the way even now your bottom and legs seared from the welt across them. You pictured the long trek to the royal castle and the onslaught of autumn. It all fell over you like a suffocating shroud.

“Yes, my lord, I would like that,” you said.

He was quiet for a little longer as he held you against him. He groaned and shifted beneath you, “I only did what I had to,” he turned your hand over and traced the lines of your palm with his thumb, “I never wanted to hurt you.”

You swallowed through your spite as your fear urged you to caution, “I know, my lord,” another painful lie lodged in your throat, “I… wronged you and I am sorry for it.”

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