#ive been itching to trust

[barfygutcheck]

sourdough starter snack

/recently found out that live yeast might ferment in the stomach for a while if large quantities of it are eaten. think noises, think expansion. so this fic happened. uhh/

Jackie’s dorm room was quiet, save for the hum of the AC and the rustle of pages turning as she sat in the living room, reviewing her notes. She had a tendency to stay up late cramming. It was just past midnight, and the dim glow of the kitchen light spilled into the living room.

Jackie had been so wrapped up in her studying, she hadn’t noticed the soft sounds of someone moving around in the kitchenette until she heard the faint scraping of a spoon against a bowl. She glanced up from her notebook, frowning slightly. An hour ago, Sawyer had settled on the couch (trying to be considerate of Jackie’s roommate), but it looked like her stomach decided otherwise — a thought Jackie couldn’t help but find stimulating.

It wasn’t unusual for Sawyer to raid the fridge late at night, considering her appetite, but checking on her anyways couldn’t hurt.

Jackie slipped out of bed, quietly padding down the hall. As she approached the kitchen, the sound of the spoon grew clearer. Jackie had a pretty good idea what she was about to find.

“Sully?” she called out, folding her arms over her chest.

“Hmm?” came a muffled response from the kitchen.

When Jackie turned the corner into the kitchen, her suspicion was confirmed. There, standing at the counter with a big mixing bowl clutched in one hand and a spoon halfway to her mouth, was Sawyer. Her eyes were glued to the bowl, completely oblivious to Jackie’s presence.

Jackie’s eyes widened when she saw the unmistakable texture and bubbles of leavening. The bowl wasn’t just any bowl. It was her sourdough starter — weeks of careful fermentation and feeding, gone, or at least half gone, if the looks of it were anything to go by.

“Oh my God, Sully. What are you doing?” Jackie blurted out, rushing forward.

Sawyer looked up, mid-chew, her cheeks full. She swallowed slowly, then grinned sheepishly, as if she hadn’t just committed what Jackie considered to be the culinary equivalent of a felony.

“Uh… hey, babe. Eating cookie dough… duh,” she mumbled through another bite, lifting the spoon and gesturing toward the bowl. “I didn’t know you made some. It’s pretty good, but kind of tangy. Want a bite?”

Jackie’s heart skipped a beat. Her brain stumbled over itself, trying to process what she was seeing as Sawyer scooped up another spoonful into her mouth. Cookie dough?

“That’s not cookie dough, that’s—” she said, her voice pitching higher with every word. She raked a hand through her hair, trying to figure out how to break the news. “That’s sourdough starter, Sully!”

Sawyer froze, spoon hovering halfway to her mouth, and blinked at Jackie. “Uh… what?”

Jackie rubbed a hand over her face, groaning. “It’s sourdough starter. It’s fermented! Not something you just eat… raw!”

Sawyer’s eyes darted to the bowl, then to the spoon, which she’d been licking, then back to Jackie. The confusion was clear on her face, but slowly, ever so slowly, it began to dawn on her that she might’ve seriously messed up.

“Wait…” Sawyer furrowed her brow. “So, it’s… not edible?”

“No! Well, I mean, not like that!” Jackie threw her hands up. “You don’t just eat it! It’s used to make bread rise. It’s filled with live cultures and bacteria—”

Sawyer flinched at the word “bacteria,” her gaze flicking to the bowl in her hands. “It’s alive?”

“Yeah, as in yeast! You’re supposed to let it ferment for days to make bread.” Jackie pressed a hand to her forehead. “How much did you eat?”

Sawyer placed the bowl down on the counter, eyeing the near-empty contents. She hesitated, then shrugged. “I dunno. Like, a lot?”

“A lot? Sully, that’s—” Jackie cut herself off, taking a deep breath. “Sully, that stuff expands when it’s heated up. Who knows how much of that is sitting in — in your stomach right now!”

Sawyer’s eyes shifted down to her stomach, which now seemed even more ominous with the knowledge of what was inside. She gulped, eyes widening. “It expands?”

“Yes. And I’m fairly sure it’s going to make you really sick if you’ve eaten as much as it looks like you have.”

Sawyer’s expression began to falter. A hand instinctively moved to rest on her abdomen, and for the first time that night, she looked genuinely worried. Her belly felt like a rock had dropped inside, pressing against her insides as it expanded.

“Uh… now that you mention it…” she said, her fingers prodding lightly against her belly. “I do feel kinda weird…”

Jackie watched. Typically, this kind of situation would have her blushing; Sawyer had a habit of overindulging and feeling the consequences. But this time, what she’d eaten wasn’t just a bad call — it could really upset her stomach. Jackie wasn’t aroused in the slightest, only concerned. “What kind of weird? Stomachache?”

Sawyer paused, her face scrunching up as she tried to gauge how she was feeling. “It’s not, like, painful. But it’s definitely feeling… off. Like, kinda tight. Heavy.”

As if her belly was starting to rise like dough. Like bread in an oven. Live yeast thrives in warm environments, and the human stomach is warm. Particularly Sawyer’s gut, since Sawyer was like a living, walking furnace, always overheating.

Jackie was already thinking through their options. Nothing in her two years of medical studies equipped her for a girlfriend who had mistaken sourdough starter for cookie dough, and she was unsure of what to do when that sourdough decided to fight back in her girlfriend’s belly. “Okay. Well, your body’s probably trying to process all that yeast. You just ate half a bowl of fermented dough, I mean, we need to keep an eye on this.”

Sawyer stared down at her stomach again, a flash of panic crossing her face. “Oh, crap. I thought it was cookie dough,” she pitifully blurted, as if saying it louder would make it somehow less of an issue.

Jackie shook her head, reaching out to gently push Sawyer into one of the kitchen chairs. “Alright, alright. Just sit down. You’ll wake Willow up.”

Sawyer plopped down into the chair, slowly rubbing circles over the front of her tank top. “I just saw food, and I thought—”

“You just saw food and thought, ‘must eat now,’” Jackie put in playfully.

Sawyer cracked a weak smile. “Yeah, something like that.”

Jackie stood up, fetching a glass of water and placing it in front of Sawyer. Even though Jackie had never seen Sawyer do anything this stupid before, she knew Sawyer had pulled some dumb stunts in the past. Jackie realized that all Sawyer needed was a little patience and attention, and she would bounce back like new. “Drink this. It might help a little.”

Sawyer obediently took the glass and sipped it slowly. She grimaced, glancing down at her stomach. It churned, making thick, sloshy sounds, and she could swear she felt it expand just a little more with each passing second. “Uh, Jackie, I think it’s getting worse.”

At this, Jackie’s eyes snapped to Sawyer’s midsection. She hadn’t noticed it at first, but Sawyer’s usually flat stomach did seem a little bloated, like it was already reacting to the mass of sourdough starter she had so thoughtlessly consumed. The sourdough starter wasn’t exactly the villain here — it was just doing its thing. And it must’ve been having a field day in Sawyer’s stomach, bubbling, fermenting the sugars and starches it could find.

It had taken weeks to build it up, feeding it daily, watching it grow into a thriving colony of yeast and bacteria, preparing it to make bread. And now, more than half of it was gone, sitting inside Sawyer’s stomach instead of turning into a fresh loaf.

“We need to get you to the bathroom,” Jackie said firmly, moving to her side.

Sully gave her a wide-eyed look. “You think I’m gonna be sick or something?”

“We’re not taking any chances.” Jackie grabbed her by the arm, pulling her gently toward the door — no easy feat when Sawyer had both the weight and height advantage at a full head taller.

A deep gurgle came from the depth of Sawyer’s stomach, echoing in the dim-lit hallway. “Oh man… I don’t feel so good…”

“Well,” Jackie muttered, helping her girlfriend out of the kitchen, “you did just eat a half gallon of live bacteria and flour — perhaps more.”

They hurried the rest of the way to the bathroom, where Jackie eased Sawyer down onto the floor beside the toilet.

Sawyer leaned against the cool tile, looking utterly miserable. Her face had lost its color, and her curls, damp with sweat, stuck to her forehead. She groaned softly, rubbing her taut belly. “I can’t believe I’m gonna throw up bread before it’s even bread.”

Jackie snorted despite herself. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“Next time,” Sawyer said, her voice weak, “just label your bowls.” She could feel the heavy, bloated weight pressing against her insides, sluggish, bubbling uncomfortably as if everything inside was expanding and shifting, trying to find a way out.

It was only a matter of time before it all came rushing back up.

Jackie patted her girlfriend’s knee. “I will. But next time, just ask before you go shoveling random stuff into your mouth, dumbass.”

[ohsweetflips]

my neutral dragon age trait is that 50% of the time i'm like "the more i critique the games, the more i love them. i can appreciate each game for what they are but my criticism and frustration over what they could be are a sign of love" and the other 50% is like "this is the writing of the dragon age series. sure. why not. this may as well happen."

[bayonetta-origins]

twitter liked them so ill share here too^_^ my aurametis hcs.....

[prosebushpatch]

new otp is Gaius and Evelyn from Rune Factory 3. like, i'm sorry, he has a hard time expressing his feelings because she assumes every gift he gives her is a commission to turn it into an outfit? And she, the resident fashion designer who uses fish and fondue for her out-there fashions seems to relish the challenges he gives her? But when he gives her an engagement ring, one he made as a blacksmith meant to suit her perfectly, she considers this the hardest commission he's presented her with yet and after asking you to suss out the kind of girl he likes, SHE DECIDES TO WEAR THE RING AND WALK SIDE BY SIDE WITH HIM AS HER GREATEST ATTEMPT AT COORDINATION YET. HELLO?

[dirt-str1der]

Self shipping is always the morally correct thing to do

[phagodyke]

didn't realise I was angry abt my mum trying to seek emotional reassurance from me until I brought it up in conversation w my roommate and ended up bitching for an hour abt it like. yeah okay I guess I am a bit pissed off !!

[heartbreakgrill]

happen: sleep token (vessel).

a/n: we pretend we don’t see my unfinished fics, okay? also we pretend we don’t see my spelling and grammar and plot mistakes in this, okay? okay. enjoy :)

"your paint is smeared."

vessel looked up from his piano, first meeting my eyes, then following where my finger pointed to.

"shit," his accent stuck out like a sore thumb, elongating the i in the cuss word.

vessel wiped a finger across the paint in an attempt to blend it in. it didn't do much.

"i think you might be making it worse," i commented with a smug smile.

vessel met my sneering gaze. he was unphased by the sarcasm on my tongue. he reached a blackened hand forward as he tried to rip the clipboard from my hands. i ducked out of his reach. the piano blocked him from me, but his arms were long enough that he managed to swipe a hand across my stack of papers.

i scoffed, stepping back a few feet, examining the black paint overtop my paperwork. "vess!"

"y/n!" he mocked my tone. he rounded the piano, coming to look down at the paper in my hands. "your paint is smeared, lovey."

i looked at up with an annoyed stare, "fuck off."

vess patted my bare shoulder, sending electrically shocked goosebumps down my clammy skin. i shifted my arms, hoping he wouldn't notice how i shivered under his touch.

"i'll go get some more paint, kay?" i offered with a deep breath.

vessel settled in front of his piano again. he nodded, pressing a few keys, "there's a tube in my dressing room."

"be right back."

i turned on my heel and headed for the stairs. i passed ii, who patted my head, and iv, who made some chirp about me owing him a shot- which just wasn't true.

i reached the dressing room soon enough. i'd been in here- in the other ones- numerous times. we often all hung out as a group between shows, in here or out on the town with various disguises on the boys. i still didn’t know who the guys were outside of those masks and strange nicknames. sam did, of course, because he’d been teching for the boys for years now. plus, they all had a brotherly relationship. they trust him.

for some reason, going in here by myself felt provocative. i kept my vision tunnelled, just in case they left something important out. they were men, after all-messy, sometimes careless, forgetful.

outside clothes, hoodies and sweatpants i recognized, sat strewn across the chairs and couches. their personal cellphones were sat with their things, different from the work phones they had been assigned. i had their work numbers, for professional conversations, for getting bullied by ii and iv in the groupchat. vessel and i talked, sometimes, about new coffee shops in new towns we'd be stopping by, movies we'd need to go see when we had a day off.

personal phone numbers were for the trusted.

i b-lined for vessel's paint and brushes, on the counter beside his phone. as i did, my eyes glossed over a wallet. it wasn’t one that i recognized. but, i knew that it was vessel's. or, whoever he really was. my fingers itched with a curiosity that i could not feed. it was none of my business who they were. if they wanted me to know, they'd tell me. they'd unmask themselves when we're chilling out on the tour bus.

if vessel trusted me, if he felt our silly conversations held any depth like i thought they did, he'd tell me who he was.

no matter that i'd known him for six months and hehad yet to do so. no matter that i thought we might have reached that point. no matter that sometimes, when he looked at me, there was a longing sat right behind his eyes, a wanting that made me feel entrusted, that made me feel like he understood what was bleeding off my skin.

no matter.

i grabbed the paint and headed back for the stage. vessel was sitting on the side of it now, talking to ii about something or the other. i handed the paint off to him. i went to go backstage, heel prepared to turn, when he spoke, "thanks, lovey."

ii followed vessel's gaze up to me. i stood overtop of them. ii's eyes raked up my bare legs, over the little black dress i wore. he met my eyes and nodded. "hey, gorgeous."

ii always enjoyed flirting with me. playfully, of course. vessel rolled his eyes at the usual quip. "here we go..."

"i am going to do my job. see ya later!"

ii reached up and grabbed my hand before i could leave. i jerked back to my spot, brows raised. ii shook my arm around, "go on, darling, give us a strut."

"you're ridiculous," i ripped my hand from his, though i chuckled slightly.

"tell her, vess," ii nudged his bandmate's shoulder with his elbow, "tell her how beautiful she is. she just doesn't believe me!"

i met vessel's eyes. he never joined the boys in their teasing, never flirted like ii did. he was always genuine, kind. our conversations were always full of depth, too. in fact, he never showed much interest in me besides those longing, full glances that i took to heart, that i let create a delusional fantasy land in my head. everytime i thought he might be, when we'd have these great conversations, he'd pull back. like was afraid, or he didn't fully trust me.

so, i shuddered when vessel's eyes drug down my body, over my exposed chest, the barely visible tops of my boobs, the curve of my waist, hugged tight by the dress, and the skin of my thighs and calves, right to the tips of my platform boots.

it was then that i realized today was going to be a very different day.

"you look..." vessel rolled his eyes back up my body, to my own flustered gaze, "good."

i couldn't get away fast enough. i thanked them both, stuttering slightly, before turning on my heel and racing towards backstage. i bumped into iv's shoulder and muttered a half-hearted apology.

i knew that they all were staring at me, analyzing my girlish behavior. i knew they'd talk about it.

and that was embarrassing as fuck.

when the show ended, i was determined to not be anywhere near any of the boys. i escaped to the bus sam, myself, and the other techies slept on. i changed into comfortable clothing and lay in my bunk, willing the blush on my cheeks to finally leave me alone.

this wasn’t supposed to happen. did i long for him to say something like that? duh!

did i actually want it to happen? no, bitch.

because that changed everything for me.

i just needed to hide out here for the night, will my anxiety and the fawn look in my eyes away. tomorrow, i could shift everything back to how it was. tomorrow, he’d probably act the same- passive, uninterested.

even if there was any weight to that entire interaction, it’s not like anything could even happen between us.

management made the band swear off girls for risk of privacy and in order to focus on their work. besides, i worked for the band. i helped run every single show they did. they were my boss’.

and there was that whole issue of him not trusting me. because it was so obvious that he didn’t.

i was letting my brain run around too much.

what snapped me back to reality was the commotion of everyone returning to the bus, excited chatter from the other men on the crew filling the once silent vehicle. sam's voice got closer as he and another techie approached their bunks, across and above from my own. i figured they’d just be grabbing something before everyone headed out to the bar.

but, of course- that wasn’t my luck.

"yoohoo," sam knocked a fist on wall, near my head, "is there a y/n in here?"

i huffed, "what do you want?" i knew they were here to berate me to come out with them. but that would mean seeing the boys- having to confront the issue that was vessel.

"get up, grandma," sam teased me for being in bed so soon, "we're going to the bar."

"i'm tired," i replied, a slight groan in my voice. please just go away.

"that's a load of bull," sam scoffed, "you literally said this morning that you wanted to go out tonight."

i went to reply, but more voices filled the bus, all too familiar ones that made my chest tight.

"what's going on? is y/n okay?" that thick british accent burst through whatever i was gonna say next. iv.

then, another spoke- ii, i was pretty certain. "what? what's happening? aren't you coming out, y/n?”

i shoved my head into my pillow, wanting to scream. the only downside of tour was this obvious lack of privacy. i appreciated that my presence was always wanted by just about anyone i worked with. but, god, can’t a girl daydream and regret her actions in peace?

i pulled open the curtains sheltering my bed, just a fraction, not even trying to mask my annoyed expression. ii, iv, and sam were squatted just outside my bunk. sam wore a cheeky grin, but the others had their outside masks on. i could read their energy well, though.

"i'm fine, guys," i waved them all off, cuddled up under my blankets, "i just wanna chill tonight."

"no! you can't! please! you have to go out with us! you promised last time you would! plus you owe me a shot!" iv whined, head tilted to the left. he really needed to find a new gimmick.

i rolled my eyes, "you're a baby."

"wow, y/n," ii set a comforting hand on iv's shoulder, gasping at my insult, "that's harsh. here i thought we were friends."

sam laughed in response, "yeah, y/n. that was really mean. you hurt iv's feelings." he, also, touched iv’s arm.

i met iv's eyes with pursed lips. his eyes read no signs of offense. we were all always so mean to each other and i knew they’d call me out if i ever took it too far. no, this- this was them bullying me back. trying to get me to come out. they’d probably, eventually, get on me about my flustered escape from earlier. ii nudged iv, and he began to fake cry, head dropped down into his hands.

i rolled my eyes again with an exasperated huff, "oh, my god. here we go."

the bus door swung open, then shut again, as the rest of the band made their way in. i didn't notice, too caught up in the boys' theatrics to get nervous that vessel was in my vicinity. he stood just out of sight, watching all of us.

iv sobbed, shoulders rocking. "i can't believe you'd say that, y/n!"

"whatever. im not coming out, freaks,” i went to shut the curtain, but sam pushed it open all the way.

i dropped my head to my pillow in annoyance. ii spoke now, egging on the situation further. i grew nervous he’d bring up earlier, "there's just one thing you can do to make this up to him."

"let me guess, it tastes like vodka and rhymes with hot?" i murmured as i pressed a stressed hand over my eyes.

ii pried my hands from my head. “actually- tastes like hennessy and rhymes with get the fuck out of bed!" he, then, reached into my bunk and tickled my sides.

i laughed this ugly, wheezing laugh, squirming away from ii's reach. iv's showcase of crying twisted into him falling back onto his ass, laughing with his head thrown back. sam held onto the bunk as he joined. i then heard vessel and iii's laughs, echoing from a bit down the hall. i tried to snap myself out of the situation, insecure by vessel's presence. but, ii just wouldn't stop tickling me.

luckily, he did, leaving my face red, tears spilling out of my eyes, and a newfound energy to get up from my bunk. i didn’t forget that vessel was standing there, watching. and, i knew, i’d have to face the reality of my embarrassment eventually. but, the boys drunk were usually pretty sweet.

"alright," i huffed and shoved the covers off of my body, "let's go, you freaks."

"you'll come?" ii offered me his hand, helping me off of the floor.

"yeah, i'll come," i released his hand, steadied on my feet. i shoved his shoulder as i walked towards the closet at the end of the hall. i pushed past sam and iv to get there. as i searched through my bag, trying to find my dress from earlier, i felt eyes still on me. all the boys had begun moving from the bus, going outside to smoke and wait on me. but, vessel was still there. lingering.

he waved at me as i looked down the hall towards him. my face flushed again and i gave an awkward smile. god, i was not helping the situation. if anything, i was making it worse, making him uncomfortable, ruining everything. he’d never trust me now.

i put back on my little black dress, tights to bear the cold, platform boots. my makeup was still in tact, though i had to clean up a few smudges made by my sweat from the show. i finally met everyone outside the bus, drawing eyes to my body as i bounded down the steps.

"still looking sexy, darling," ii flirted, cheekily, taking my hand and forcing me to do a little spin in front of everyone.

as i faced back to everyone, i pulled my hand from his and shoved him away from me again. "creep- let's go. you owe me a shot."

"um, i think it's the other way around," ii scoffed.

i began walking from the group, towards the bar down the street. i tossed a confused look over my shoulder, "that never happened. you're crazy."

i left behind a trail of laughing men, a stunned ii. they teased me- but i did back just as much.

it was just a five minute walk, and i kept my pace ahead of everyone because i was cold and wanted to get there quicker. i knew someone was watching me- again. i knew the feel of that stare. i knew it was vesel. so, i tried to stay just far enough ahead that he couldn't catch up. i don’t think i could keep up any meaningful conversation when my heart was still beating this quickly.

alas, the over 6' man fell in stride beside me, easily, hands shoved in the pockets of an alpha wolf sweatshirt. he adjusted his sunglasses, inhaling a chilly breath before saying, “why’d you run off earlier? before the show? did i- say something wrong?”

"no reason," i snapped a too-quick response, arms crossed over my chest. my cheeks were reddening again.

he tsked his tongue, “good. shame, though, i didn't get to enjoy this dress for as long as i would have liked to.” i couldn’t see his eyes- but i knew they flicked down over my body. i straightened up under the gaze.

what game was he playing?

maybe he just wanted to hook up. i knew it wasn’t anything serious for him, because it couldn’t be.

i could imagine he and the boys were horny. all the time they’d spent declaring celibacy on this tour must be getting to them. so, i convinced myself that’s what this was. but, i of course didn’t want that.

so, i couldn’t help but feel let down that i had gotten my hopes up. i had thought that maybe, just maybe, he wanted me like i wanted him. that, again, maybe, he trusted me like i wanted him to. like i trusted him.

i looked up at him, head tilted back from his height. i tried to read the air between us, hoping something else was there. but i knew he wore a cheeky grin beneath his mask. i frowned, slightly, a desperate disappointment laying just behind my eyes. my head shook just slightly, "don't."

vessel's shoulders fell. he nodded, just once, before silencing himself.

we walked to the bar in drowning silence. i wanted to stop, to turn to him and ask him a million questions. why didn’t he trust me? why didn’t he want me? why couldn’t we try?

why couldn’t we have met in another lifetime, where he didn’t feel the need to hide behind a mask? where he didn’t have to put his life on the line just to reveal himself to me?

not that would fix anything if he didn’t feel what i felt.

i needed a drink.

when we got to the bar, we got swept up in the excitement from our group, separated from each other. i was grateful for the space. it allowed me to breathe, allowed me to start getting wasted.

ii and iv shoved drink after drink into my hands. we pounded shots off of the wooden counter of the bar. we paid far too much for the shitty jukebox in the corner to play our favorite songs. ii even eventually drug me out to the make-shift dance floor, holding my free hand in his, guiding my hips with his other palm.

i clutched onto my vodka cran, following the rhythm ii was swinging in his hips. we danced to some usher song, sultry and silly. normally, i’d shove him away and cuss him out, make fun of him. but, the alcohol was starting to burn my throat, sending a soothingly loose feeling through my blood. i was relaxed.

the song slowed and we did with it. i rested my heavy body against his, chin on his shoulder. we danced in a circle. i could see vessel, sitting at the bar, burning a hole through ii's head with his eyes. he saw me looking at him and quickly looked away.

i just wanted to walk right up to him and kiss him, mask or no mask. i just wanted him. i didn’t care what he looked like. who he was. because i knew him- i knew him well. i knew when his favorite cat died, i knew that he dropped his sandwich in the first grade and cried on drive home. i knew he preferred tea over coffee, with two sugar cubes, and an exact glug of milk in it.

my mind was racing like crazy. i needed to ground myself or i’d do something i’d regret.

that’s when ii mumbled into my ear, “he wants you so badly.”

i jolted out of my own head space, pulling my chin back from ii’s shoulder to look up at him. “what?”

i was having trouble processing words.

“vess. he’s been pining after you for so long,” ii had a sense of urgency in his eyes. "and he think he's trying to see if he can shoot my head off with his eyes right now."

i peered over his shoulder. vessel was watching us again. he didn’t look away, though i knew he could see.

“fat chance,” i blurted out. “he keeps pushing me away…pining my ass. everytime we have, like, a really good conversations about, like, the stars or some shit, the next day he acts like he barely knows my name.”

ii was patient, just listening as i rambled, surely drunk now. i continued on, “i don’t know, dude. like, if he wanted me he would do something about it, yeah? he’d show me. he’d say something. he’d- he’d just do something. instead he just makes me feel crazy.”

i finished myself off with huff. i downed the rest of my drink and set it on a table close to us. both my fists leaned against ii’s shoulders. i was getting dizzy.

ii squeezed my hip in comfort. he waited a moment, for me to catch my breath, to respond. "it's difficult. being in our position. it's hard to tell who's getting close just to catch a peak. forcing everyone we care about to sign mountains of paperwork just to really know us. to trust that we can stay hidden, though the entire world is just itching to unmask us. i know you know that. i know you understand it. that’s part of the reason why we all get along with you so well. the pressures gone. we can be ourselves- no matter what our names are, what we look like. cause you just don’t care.

“i don’t!” i agreed, punching my fist lazily against ii’s shoulder. “i don’t care who you guys are! because you’re still the same to me. and i trust you. and i love you guys. and i just- but just, why can’t he want me?”

he chuckled, “oh, darling. he does. you know he does. and you know the risk, you know the worry. you push it away because it’s not going to be easy. put your pretty little head to rest. just…let it happen as it happens.”

“i think i’m too drunk to really understand this right now, babe,” i droned on, eyes squinted as if i could understand him better with a blurred gaze.

ii tapped my nose sweetly. he stepped back, glancing over to vessel. “just let it.”

i met vessel’s gaze- invisible to me, but so obvious from the burn on my skin. he stood from his seat, hesitant, yet somehow determined.

i felt my body pulled towards him. we met in the middle. some stupid country song was playing. the bad was emptying. our friends were loud. my breath smelled of alcohol. vessel seemed exhausted.

but, for some reason, this was the night that it would happen.

vessel held out a hand, skin pale yet still stained from the paint. i took it. he waited a moment, as if awaiting my consent. then he guided us to the backdoor of the bar. we were out in an alley, alone.

“i’m sorry, lovey,” he said, once he was settled on his heels in front of me.

i clutched his hand like an anchor. “for what?” my brows furrowed.

he brushed a thumb across my knuckles, “that it’s like this. i…i wish i could love you under different circumstances.”

the word passed by without a second thought, so easily spoken from his lips. i barely noticed it. “it’s okay…it’s-its not your fault, vess.”

“no, it’s just,” he ran his other hand overtop his hat, covering his hair just perfectly. “it’s just that i need you to know that. how i feel about you..” now he danced around the word, “because i need you to know that…but…i can’t go forward with any of it. i can’t follow through with it. and i’m so sorry. i just…can’t.”

i slid my hand up to his cheek. he nearly crumbled under my touch. my fingers touched the edge of his sunglasses. he didn’t move. he didn’t try to stop me as i slid the glasses off his nose. i knew those eyes well- i was grateful to see them, even in this dark lighting. i could read him better, i could see his soul.

“i’ll sign whatever you want me to sign.”

the words lingered between us as he processed them. then, he denied them, “lovey…i-“

“i’ll sign a million nda’s. i’ll sign away my life. i’ll- i’ll delete all of my social media. and i’ll wear a mask, too. i’ll step into the darkness with you, vess. i’d do it. i want to do it.”

“lovey, please, i can’t-“

“i can. if you can’t, i can. i can for the both of us.”

vessel dropped his chin, looking away from me. “i can’t ask you to do that for me. beside, you- you don’t even know what i look like. i’m- i’m probably not what you’d want. you can’t love someone you think is ugly. i don’t know, lovey.”

“i do know, vess,” i quickly replied. “i know. i know you. i know your soul. it doesn’t matter to me what you look like, or who you are. cause i know your heart. and that’s all that matters to me. besides, i can’t go on hiding- knowing that we love each other. i just can’t. i won’t allow it.”

vessel met my eyes again. he removed his hand from my own. his hand hung by his thigh, clenching into a fist. it shook. i was worried he’d walk away.

but, after his hesitation softened, he reached his hands up to his face. he tugged the medical mask off of his ears, revealing his familiar lips and smile to me. his nose was new, a feature i’d never seen. but, it was just a nose.

he took off his hat, too, revealing his entire complexion to me. i grinned in response, barely even getting a good luck at him because i really didn’t care.

“that changed nothing for me,” i grasped at his hands. “i feel the same. i feel- the same. maybe better, knowing that you trust me. but- the same. i still want you- i need you, vess…please. i know you need me, too. i’ve always seen it in your eyes. just…take a chance. come out of the darkness…for me. please.”

vessel slid his hands up my arms, slowly, brushing my hair over my shoulders as he passed. his fingertips tickled my neck, the lobes of my ears, until he cupped my cheeks. i leaned into his touch, eyes alight with abounding adoration. he tilted his head down, brilliantly colored eyes boring into my own.

and then he kissed me.

[jokingmisfit]

For Love

Yandere Jeremiah x Reader

Prompt- “This IV itches.”

Prompt- “This medicine makes me feel so out of it.”

Warnings- Kidnapping, Drugging, Mentions of needles (IV), Cuddling, Implied Isolation

After a few weeks you were calmer, or maybe it was the medicine in your system. So much time left with your thoughts and not much else has left you lonely and tired. Despite having nothing to do you were exhausted. Propped up in a padded rocking chair, with a book, attached to an IV. Too bad your brain can’t keep up with the lines in the book because of the drugs.

You wish you could take the needle out, but the last time you made that mistake you were tied to a chair for several days. At this point you don’t want to fight anymore. You just want a bit more. More to do, more stimulation. You chastise yourself for those thoughts; giving in just because you're bored. An under simplification sure, but you were angry. The thought of giving him what he wants was upsetting. 

But, things were getting harder. Whatever he was doing he was doing it right because you wouldn’t be able to ‘fight’ back much longer.

You only realize you were staring at the wall when the door opens.

“Hello, Darling. How are you feeling?” Jeremiah asks calmly. Eyes calculating; evaluating everything you are.

You glare at him lightly. “I feel like I’ve been kidnapped and drugged.” You say bitterly.

He glares back at your words. You knew he hated when you answered like that. You always give that answer and it never ends well. His glare made you feel uneasy because you knew what could follow.

You sigh again, looking down to avoid his gaze. “This IV itches.” You start. “This medicine makes me feel so out of it. And there's absolutely nothing in this room that’s actually interesting. I’m really tired and there is no reason to be because I’ve done nothing. I feel useless. Like I’m rotting…” You quickly explain your thoughts.

“I see.” He responds, simply, stepping closer. 

Jeremiah reaches for your hand. He places his thumb over the spot the IV enters your veins. The light pressure relieves some of the discomfort you’ve been feeling. You kept your eyes on your hand as he watched you. He rose from his position, bent in front of you and looked at the bag over head.

“I’m trying to… understand… how I’m supposed to make you more… comfortable.” He states slowly.

“More comfortable or more willing.” You ask looking up at him.

Jeremiah's lips curled up. You had no idea whether it was to smile or snarl.

“Always so quick.” He said. “Give me a list of things you’d like. I’ll get them for you.” He offers.

“Can you stop whatever,” You pull loosely at the IV. “this is? Please.” You plead.

“No.” He replies. “Not yet.”

“When?” you question.

He laughs. “When you can be trusted, obviously.”

He cups your face with his hand. His thumb rubs your cheek. You watch him carefully. He may act kinder to you, but you’ve seen what he can do. You’ve witnessed his violence; his psychopathy. 

Jeremiah stood abruptly. He offered his hand out to you, and you, hesitantly, took it. He helped you stand on your unstable legs. The both of you moved towards the bed.

The bed was cool and comfortable. Different from the padded chair. After so many hours in one spot changing your position felt nice. You still wanted to argue for more freedom, more movement, but you knew it would only cause you pain. 

His cologne was surprisingly calming. His suit jacket abandoned earlier when he entered making it easier for him to wrap his arms around you. Jeremiah picked up a book of his own and began to read.

You laid in his arms silently for a few minutes. As tired as you were, your boredom held on tighter. As stubborn as you were, your boredom was louder.

You sighed a little before asking. “Can you read it to me?” You felt embarrassed, but you needed more than this.

A smile grows on Jeremiah's face at your question. “Of course, dear.” He responds.

As he reads you feel your eyelids droop. You feel disappointed in yourself, but he’s becoming one of the few things that can hold your interest. One of the few things to bring you comfort. It was twisted, but you were beginning to need him. A terrible fate but one you weren’t going to fight against much longer.

[sapphicflower-ao3]

what are ur personal favorite fics? i can be a bit picky and have a hard time finding fics but i love ur writing and i feel like we might have similar tastes based on that :3

i'm sorry it took me like a week to get to this!! i wanted to compile my faves and write notes for each of them... and i went overboard LOL. but thanks so much omg, i'm flattered that you would trust my taste based on my writing!

these are all bkdk obviously :)

i. 'In Case of Fire' - passengerside

post-canon // complete // 11K // E

an absolute MASTERPIECE!!! this author has become a recent favourite of mine, i love the way they incorporate little details into their work and make the mundane so beautiful.

highly recommend all of their other works, especially 'Pacemaker'! so freaking beautiful and fun and the lead up to the confession was a genuine holding-my-breath moment

ii. 'Sun Hands' - yesthisisnarumi

snowboarding AU // complete // 5K // T

i've re-read this one so many times it's SOOOOO good! so fun and so classically bkdk it's insane. everybody say thank you OP for giving us the rival olympic champions to lovers story we needed

iii. 'all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing' - maxisnotokay

UA compliant // complete // 11K // T

i dont usually read a lot of whump but this was brilliant, im a sucker for this specific trope and for LOVE CONFESSIONS YEASS!!! obvi it has a happy ending bc i wouldnt have it any other way. a good length too :)

iv. 'Spinnin' On Our Feet' - sage_and_cinnamon

High School AU // ongoing // 47K // M

UNDERRATED AS FUCK and my favourite ongoing fic right now. i usually dont read jock x nerd AUs but this fic is so brilliantly funny and charming and heartwarming and it blew all my expectations out of the water and then some. i've been following it for ages and it's been on hiatus for a good while, but it updated recently and when i tell you it was the best day of my freaking life...

v. 'In Perfect Rhythm' - chalk

Band AU // complete // 50K // E

yes how surprising, a band AU fic in my faves list. anyway shut up, chalk is literally godlike in their writing and this fic was SO FUN and scratched all the itches. nothing gets me going more than awkwardly endearing izuku n rockstar katsuki

vi. 'Last Days of War' - antisora

Pacific Rim AU // complete // 44K // M

GENUINELY ONE OF HUMANITY'S BEST PIECES OF LITERATURE???? fuck. i never have the proper words for this fic, but it is SO gripping and the worldbuilding is so tight and their relationship development is so good and the CLIMAX OF THIS HAS BEEN MORE EPIC THAN HALF THE BLOCKBUSTERS I'VE SEEN. i beg you to read this even if you have never watched Pacific Rim. or maybe go watch the movie and get EDUCATED and then read this! i'm begging you, dear reader!!

vii. 'Ingenium' - crandberrycrush

Astronauts AU // complete // 85K // E

guys i love sci-fi sorry lol. this one is another brilliant fic. OP put so much blood, sweat and tears into research and it shows, it is just very intelligent and the plot itself is HEART RACING and GUTTING and THRILLING. there's a lot of POVs and it really fleshes it out, tho ofc bkdk is the main thing. happy ending obvi! it is the space/astronaut drama that i love and adore, just BKDKified now!

viii. 'The Magic in a Mirror' - totallyrottentomatoes

Magic/Circus AU // complete // 80K // E

oh how surprising, a totallyrottentomaoes fic in my faves list. anyone who knows me knows that i rec this fic all the time. it's one of my all time favourites, if not my favourite of all time lol, and it's really because of the writing and the imagery and the characterisation and the relationships b/w all the characters. it's all just so well done and MAGICAL. no joke, if i could print and bind a fic into a book, it would be this one. no notes. perfection. caters to my tastes so specifically. i could go on about this fic forever but i'll shut up for now

also highly recommend 'The Distance Between Suns' by this author - it's a high fantasy epic with TIGHT AS FUCK worldbuilding, brilliantly written, the romance is BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN, the payoffs are amazing, etc... this deserves to be published and revered

ix. 'Battle of the Bands' - roadtripwithlucifer

Band AU // complete // 168K // E

look i know i always rec this fic, i just can't help that it's like my favourite thing ever. roadtripwithlucifer and totallyrottentomatoes my BELOVEDS. the humour in this fic is so fucking yummy and brilliant, the writing is gorgeous in typical roadtrip fashion, the stakes are gripping, the climax is thrilling, the romance n yearning is INTENSE, the sex is hot as hell, the ending is so satisfying, just..... the whole package.

and while you're here, read other roadtripwithlucifer works like 'Nothing Else Fills' if you feel like destroying your heart :) an angsty and beautifully written time-travel-to-save-my-kacchan-gone-wrong war AU fic. i love OP's works but her more recent fics (eg. after battle of the bands) have had some of her best writing. i adore it when you can feel how an author has poured their soul into their work, you can always feel it in a roadtripwithlucifer work and it's just the cherry on top

x. 'Scar Tissue' - Loriqod

canon-compliant // complete // 18K // E

loriqod is another author with a characterisation that i fuck with so hard... this one was so full of that Yearning and Tension that i so vibe with. bonus points to the plots focus on bkdk's scars like yes pls more of that <3

anyway i might make a part 2 some other time, these are just the ones i grabbed from my public bookmarks. i have a lot of private ones and some of them i forgot to make public oops

hope u find smth u enjoy!

[cherry-jamm]

heya heya, you wright for the pretty boy homelander right? i saw that requests were opennn and yk ive got loads of little ideas so let me give you one thats been itching my brain for a looooong while

homelander x reader, (pref fem but whatever is fine w me) where r calls homelander 'bunny' out of no where. bc r thinks hes cute (he is) and the nick name sticks so homelander keeps getting called bunny at the most hilarious times.

just a thought, little bitty idea that itches my brain.

--viccy

Bunny

���❥・description: Much to Homelander’s dismay, a very interesting nickname stuck

・❥・word count: .4k

・❥・warnings: employee! Reader, pet names for Homes (obvs), second hand embarrassment

・❥・hi viccy I luv u. Sorry this took so long, I've been in such a slump even small works take forever but everyone's request is getting done, trust 🤞

Homelander stands tall, bouncing on the balls of hid feet. He held his hands behind his back, his lips pressed in a firm line.

"What's got you so anxious?" You smile as you place a hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing." He huffs. "I'm not anxious. I'm the Homelander. I don't get anxious." He sounded more like he was assuring himself.

"Right, so it's not because we’re about to go public on live television?" You raise an eyebrow at your boyfriend. His cheeks are a pinkish color, he exhales loudly.

"I'm fine." He nodded, his hands still behind his back.

"Whatever you say, bunny." You tease him before walking off to make sure everything is set up correctly. You don't get to see how he reacts to the name before you're off.

°•○●○•°°•○●○•°°•○●○•°°•○●○•°°•○●○•°

"Would it kill you to take off that suit?" You frown as you cross your arms. "We're trying to create a chill, casual, look."

"No way in hell am I dressing down for some stream." He scoffs. "I'm the Homelander, not some slob."

"This is a calm Q&A stream, just for the average citizen to learn more about you. You're forgetting I'm on your PR team, I'm helping you. Citizens don't feel like they know you."

"They don't" He cuts you off.

"Make them feel like they do. Just let me rough you up a little bit." He rolls his eyes. "Please bunny." It was a dirty trick but you smiled in satisfaction as his cheeks flushed a dark red that spread to the tips of his ears.

"Whatever." He said, his voice softer than he intended. You stepped up to him to brush his hair out of its clean style. "Just don't call me that on stream." He huffed.

"I wasn't planning on it." You hummed in response and flicked on his camera.

°•○●○•°°•○●○•°°•○●○•°°•○●○•°°•○●○•°

To anyone else the room would feel tense. A row of straight backed employees looked everywhere but the eyes of the superheros in front of them. You slammed the door open two cups of coffee in hand. Technically you weren't late, bit it was common knowledge that all employees should arrive at least five minutes early to greet The Seven. Not like you'd be punished anyways.

"Hey bunny." You said as you placed a cup of coffee in front of Homelander along with a chaste kiss to his temple. You should feel bad for reaping the benefits of dating your boss, but you don't. You walk up to join the line of employees as well. It looked like everyone in the room was staring at you. You heard stifled laughter from Maeve.

"Bunny?" Someone from the table asked

[dreadsuitsamus]

Crazed | Sōsuke Aizen x Reader |

author's note: blame @yeowangies for this, idk 🙈

pairing: sōsuke aizen x fem!reader

warnings: nsfw, explicit smut, dubcon, sex pollen, thigh riding, humiliation and a bit of degradation

You lost track of how many days have passed since that last day in Soul Society. Has it been months, or just a few weeks? Mealtimes once kept you on track, though Sōsuke Aizen is the craftiest bastard you've ever met and as such, you can't trust the timeline you once gave yourself— not to mention, you stopped eating sometime ago. Your eyes are tired, the life drained of you from this imprisonment in Hueco Mundo; the memory of Tōsen flanking and kidnapping you during a mission in the World of the Living blurs now.

Why did they take you? You haven't had the chance to ask. You've yet to see Aizen at all since the day he betrayed Soul Society, though your trust in him was quite minimal long before that. He had always seemed a little too put together and perfect; perhaps you should've said something. Not that anyone would've believed you— could anything have even been done if you were heard?

Light floods your room and dread creeps at your senses. The Arrancar is back for yet another experiment to levy on you, and this time he's got the cruel, blue-haired Espada with him. Having long lost the ability to speak, you approach the scientist and the muscle.

Sexta’s grin is unbearably wide as he taps your chin up with his knuckle, forcing the dead look in your eye to meet with the crazed, monstrous look in his. He forces a pitiful, played-up pout on his lips. “Poor thing… We should let her out of the cage more often. See how far she can run.”

The spirit of your zanpakutō, while the weapon has been long lost in this hellish dimension, cries out in agony to light the briefest flicker of a fire in your eyes, surprising Grimmjow and replacing the smirk on his lips once more. He doesn't speak further, however, and instead grabs your arm with more force than is needed these days— much to Szayelaporro’s chagrin, as the lack of strength in you compared to his previous experiments has thrown quite the wrench into his data. He'll have to fix an IV drip on you; forcing you to eat isn't particularly his style, and he'd rather not worry about the things you could do in retaliation that would stain any of the white clothes he wears.

Sexta doesn't stick around once you're in the lab again, strapped to your usual chair as the bright lights feel like piercing needles to your growing migraine. Szayelaporro is quick to set up a drip and address the dehydration; you'll be no good to test the latest drug on if you aren't lucid. His blood itches within him, so ready to spray you with the mixture— he nearly growls at the irritation you’ve caused to bubble in his chest. How dare you alter his control like this?

Your eyes slip shut, unable to withstand the urge to sleep anymore. Maybe one day the sabotage to your basic health will win you the battle of freedom, but today very clearly won't be the day.

Unfortunately, you're feeling much better when you've come back to consciousness. Szayelaporro grins, fulfilling the stereotype he's most proud of as he instantly spritzes your face, the liquid inside it a deep pink color reminiscent of the flurries of Senbonzakura. Instantly you sneeze, though the sounds of Szayelaporro’s disgust soon fade out as the concoction forms a haze on your mind, glazing your eyes with a cloud as the temperature in the room seems to rise.

Fingers fumbling for the glass of water sitting nearby, you desperately gulp it down to ease the heat growing— it doesn't work, however. Your chest rises and falls as the heat focuses between your legs; what the hell did he spray on you? Pressing your thighs together, a soft little sound escapes you at the minimal pleasure the friction provides.

“Interesting…” The Espada hums, notating the entirely unintended side effects down onto a notepad, and you sit there humiliated by the feelings he's forced upon you as he shoves a thermometer in your mouth to test for fever.

You're unbearably horny, the slick between your legs pooling into your panties while your nipples, as sensitive as you've ever felt them, harden into little peaks that can be seen through the fabric of your clothes. Your brain hardly has the ability to be thankful that Grimmjow is long gone and unable to see such a display from you; you'd never, ever live it down if he witnessed this.

“This is… Hmmm…” The Arrancar hums to himself, rubbing his chin in thought. This certainly has no place in his research— the plan isn't to make Aizen's enemies so horny they're incapacitated, despite how successful the potion’s effect is. Certainly he'll have to shelve this and his curiosity on just how far this goes, but there's still certainly some work to be done.

Will it wear off with time? Or… Must you achieve orgasm for it to go away? There's always the chance of lethal happenings if you don't cum, but without data and further research, Szayelaporro can't know.

This is above his pay grade, so to speak.

“Come.” Szayelaporro unstraps you from the bonds of the chair, hesitating to touch you and force you out of it. Somehow, he wishes the Sexta Espada hadn't left. If nothing else, he could certainly help with the research…

But something tells him that Aizen would rather deal with this personally.

You can hardly move on your own as the burning ache of your cunt grows. Desperation plagues every thought, each one more perverse than the last and god you couldn't be any more disgusted with yourself if you tried. You'd allow anyone to touch your depraved body at this point, even the disgusting Szayelaporro, the one who'd done this and plenty other horrible things, and no doubt with plans to do worse, himself.

Your eyes widen soon— this pressure, this aura… he's been this close the entire time? As long as you've been here, you've never felt the strong Spiritual Pressure of Sōsuke Aizen, despite knowing there's no other place he'd be. But feeling him, being absolutely certain that he's close by and really and truly here…

Pitifully, more slick is produced from your heated core.

You stumble to your knees, hardly strong enough to brace yourself against the smooth floor beneath you. Aizen's presence, his heavy Reiatsu nearly crushes you as Szayelaporro leaves you on the floor in favor of approaching Aizen's throne.

Aizen's chocolate-toned eyes slide to your direction, nearly tuning out his Espada entirely as a thrill tickles his chest, traveling lower as his blood makes his cock twitch. It's not often he feels such a way; and it's not often he's presented with such a sweet gift either. As much as his Arrancars throw themselves at him, he's never once desired them.

You, the one that always hated him? Such an opportunity won't be wasted.

Aizen waves his hand, dismissing Szayelaporro and any other Arrancar that lingers. His pink tongue swipes over his lips before he speaks. “Are you able to stand?”

A shudder runs through you at the sound of his deep voice; never once have you been attracted to him, not even when almost all of Soul Society wanted in his bed. But now, under this stupid poison, he's everything all the others swooned over. Against your will, you shake as you slowly look up to meet his gaze. “No.” You whisper, fever warming you thoroughly as your eyes meet his— was Sōsuke always so striking without his glasses?

Aizen slouches in the throne just a bit and rests his cheek against his fist. “Hmm…”

His hum practically vibrates against your clit, the echo in the room bouncing the sound around in your sex-addled brain. Your pussy clenches at all the filth that floods your mind, each idea producing a dribble of slick that further ruins your panties and stickys your soft inner thighs. The pace of your heart’s beating slams against your breast, nervous under Aizen's stare.

“Tell me what you need, and I’ll give it to you.” He can't stop the slow rising smirk on his lips, doesn't even want to fight the sick pleasure he gains from this position he's in. His words can convey all the benevolence in the world— you both know what lies beneath them, cradling his heart in the inky swaths of evil.

Your cheeks flush with a fresh burst of heat, from anger, humiliation or from being so turned on, you're not sure. Sweat pours from your pounding forehead, dripping onto the tile beneath you. The room is scorching, absolutely burning your skin beneath all the layers of fabric Ulquiorra brought you this morning. No amount of washing or drycleaning can salvage the bottoms from the slickness of your salivating cunt, and further embarrassment sinks into your skin.

Aizen leans forward in his throne, resting a large palm on his thigh and rubbing the length of it slowly. “Don't be stubborn. I'll help you, but you've got to ask for it.”

Tears pool in your eyes as the desperation begins to swallow you— it's getting hard to breathe with how humid you feel. It's absolutely sweltering in this room and the cool tile beneath you means absolutely nothing now. Squeezing your eyes shut stubbornly, your fists curl up. “To cum.”

“I did say to ask me, didn't I?”

Rage burns in your, causing your fist to slam to the floor. “God dammit, Aizen, when I get the chance to slaughter you I will!”

Your proclamation loses its punch when, after Aizen’s condescending chuckle, goosebumps litter your skin. “Come here, pet.”

Why am I listening to him?

You're far too weak to stand, let alone walk, so you're merely left to pathetically crawl to the stairs before his throne. It's a slow, humiliating journey and all you can do is pray a trail of wetness doesn't follow. Shakes wrack your body by the time you've made it up the steps, and a harsh gasp tears out of your throat as Aizen's rather delicate palm meets your face, gently, guiding your face close enough to his that his breath fans along your cheek.

“Ask me to help you.” He croons, the evil in his eyes absolutely sick with glee.

Closing your eyes does no good, as Aizen squeezes your cheeks harshly until you open them once more. Biting harshly on your tongue, you finally speak. “Please… h-help me.”

“With?”

Oh, he's such a prick! “I need to cum. Please… Please help me cum.” The tears in your eyes pour over your cheeks, leaving beautiful stains behind on your skin. Aizen wipes one away with his thumb, his lips rather close to yours as he speaks.

“You see that wasn't as difficult as you made it, hm? Just this once, your wish is my command.” In a display of his well-hidden strength, Aizen plucks the buttons of your uniform enough to tear them off completely, cool air soothing your skin as the layers are slowly peeled away until all that remains is your bra and utterly destroyed panties.

Aizen leans back into his throne again once you're stripped, jutting his leg out and patting his thigh. Your pussy throbs in anticipation and lust has plagued your mind entirely now— nothing will stop you from chasing your high now, not with your sensibilities long tossed out the window. Strength finds you when you need it most, jolting you to your feet long enough to straddle your enemy's awaiting thigh, and a loud moan is ripped from deep within your chest as the contact alone makes you cum. It's so fast it nearly hurts, the pleasure coursing through you like lightning as your fist feebly finds purchase in Aizen's shirt, just for you to stay upright.

It was good and fast, but the heat, the lust, the willingness to degrade yourself in front of Aizen doesn't subside. If anything, it's much worse now.

Your hips rock without permission from your brain, smearing Aizen’s pant leg with the slick desire you've produced. Your hole, aching and unfathomably wet, throbs and clenches in demand for a cock to fill it. Aizen allows your hold on him, merely staring at you, fist to his cheek as always, as you pleasure yourself on his thigh. It's humiliating, so perfectly in line with his intentions, but you can't stop. The friction is too good now to possibly consider stopping.

You'll kill Szayelaporro for this.

You grind faster, breasts bouncing a bit in your bra as you work your body. Another orgasm approaches quickly and you take it without hesitation, cumming harshly again and then again soon after. Finally, the air clears enough for each intake to feel fresh again, and you collapse against Aizen's solid body with heavy, ragged breaths.

Aizen smirks as you try to collect yourself. He'll be sure to have his dear scientist create more of this potion— it holds far too much value to let it go to waste.

It will be the thing that breaks you.

[latetaektalk]

update.

hi there!! its me, linh. and i have an update to give.

it probably surprises no one, but i think its time for me to officially announce that its the end of my time here on tumblr. trust me when i say that i say this with a heavy heart. over the past few months i just realised that ive just kinda outgrown (that sounds so weird to say) writing, tumblr and even kpop in a way.

regarding love to hate you, im so deeply sorry that this how the series is coming to an end, or well... its not. but i really havent felt the desire to touch it at all. or anything for that matter. i will hold that series near and dear to my heart and forever cherish it for how much fun i had creating it. im sorry for leaving it on such a note but i hope you guys can understand and still appreciate the chapters i offered to you guys.

i will keep the blog up, so you guys can go back and read their silly little story again and again. (for those who really really need to know if they make it or not, i will put it in the tags)

and for those few who care, ive been doing really good! im really happier than ever but busier than ever too (uni has been kicking my ass). still, these past few months have been so fun for me and i hope the same applies to you all!!

if you guys want to, you can send me messages because i will still log on every now and then to check up on things. because even though tumblr isnt really a part of my daily routine anymore, i did gain a lot of love for it over the past few years. and hell if the writing itch catches me again, maybe i will post something. its a big maaaybe and right now it looks pretty unrealistic given how busy i am, but never say never i guess

so, it looks like this is a goodbye. but its a good one, a really good one. and i hope you guys understand and see it that way too!!

linh.

[ihatedean]

please help my baby get his ear surgery done<3

thank you for clicking read more :)

so after months of testing the vet informed us a few days ago that our cat does, in fact, have skin cancer. to get more specific it's actually squamous-cell carcinoma.

(text is in spanish but im sure google lens can translate pretty well.)

it's affecting the tip/side of his left ear and hasn't spread to his nose or the other ear, so the vet recommended surgery to get the ear removed as soon as we possibly can. this would be on september 2nd, this monday.

exams like x-rays and biopsies have already been pretty expensive so i'm making this post to hopefully offset the cost of his pinnectomy (ARS$180,000->USD$189) even just a little bit. the whole thing has been really stressing and adding to that a messed up family situation where i can't ask them for help, please trust me when i say i wouldn't do this if i didn't need to.

details for the fic commissions:

my ao3 account for reference

right now im working on stuff for supernatural and formula 1 so that's where my brain's at, mostly, but ive done a lot of writing for jojo's bizarre adventure (im Very fluent with jotaro and all part 3-4 characters) and for the argies in the room, i've even written stuff for los simuladores and el marginal. i have no issues writing in spanish (rioplatense).

im also comfortable writing for genshin impact. been playing for years and im familiar with the lore up until fontaine. i've been itching to write something for a while :)

im Very Very familiar with x reader fics and will do OC x Character or OC x OC gladly as long as you provide character art or detailed descriptions to help me capture them best.

im comfortable writing pretty much every ship for the fandoms i named and can do gen, teen, mature and explicit works. im open to all kinks and have a history of doing incest and age-gap pairings. im comfortable with most dark themes— will write dub-con, non-con, cnc, and want to hear your weirdly specific skinks. in general, it's easier to say what i will not do than what i will. no judgement, as long as you respect

what i will not do:

horror

gore

necrophilia

violent non-con or explicit non-con (mentioning it in the story is fine, but i will not write the actual scene)

scat

vore

race play (hateful imagery/racial slurs)

kidfic

for formula 1 im simply inept at doing maxiel and c2. in general, i struggle with max and carlos. won't write anything for lando, sorry. anything else from 2010 to 2024 is fine, and im open to AUs of any kind as well as gender bending :)

pricing

Tier 3 — USD$5 for 500 words. 5 slots open

Tier 2 — USD$10 for 1k to 3k words. 2 slots open

Tier 1 — USD$25 for 4k to 10k words. 2 slots open

if i exceed wordcount in any case, it's on me. i'm a yapper.

contact me here or ask for my gmail in tumblr dms ^^

i can only accept ppal for USD$. if you're in argentina and you're interested, dm me for mercadopago info :)

(if you just want to donate that's totally cool. i just felt weird asking for money without anything to offer. it's a me thing)

ppal link

if you read this whole thing, thank you. here is the boy himself. he's almost 11 years old, incredibly grumpy, manipulative, called ugly by almost all my friends, has already gone through eye surgery so that's why his eyes look Like That, and on the rare occasion he sits on my lap i literally cry.

please put sunscreen on your cats, especially if they have white hair like aki. we didn't know for the longest time that exposure to the sun could cause skin cancer on cats and by the time we knew and started doing it, it was too late.

[bluewinnerangel]

im so not thinking straight right now and i probably should take a minute to collect my thoughts, but im really fking emotional from that video louis posted just now. and seeing it as an acknowledgement and a thank you for all the rainbow projects. and like hes just.. showing pride?! and growth and like. just sharing vulnerability and the journey and- like. fucking hell louis. and fucking thank you joshua i assume shit this video is amazing. like. on another level. the fans highlighted and the stuff they had to say I love that, all the backstage footage packed together mixed in with the show and fan shots works perfectly, the pace the vibe the everything is just fucking chefs kiss. but then louis. what he says. the voice over. Im not processing this properly so in order to process i tried to quote the whole thing (please someone make this nicer im just fast rambling here but i think its correct obvs), he goes:

Louis:

its only been maybe 5 months or 6 months since ive been on the road, bit its felt like a long time ive b een itching to get back out here I really enjoyed myself yesterday im im looking forward to tonight, its just a bit of push and pull sometimes and thats thats thats part of the mental battle ehm at times but one things for sure you know idididi this is where i love to be i love to do those shows and i love to feel the energy of the crowd [then theres a pause and it goes to crowd shots of fans waving rainbows while SHEEE IS BEAUTYYYY] to come back and to tour this album it does feel different does feel special and a difference sense of accomplishment definitely

Fan1:

fan: trust whats going on around you and everything that you go through its just what makes you who you are like who you are as a person

Fan2:

his songs always have some form of encourangement in there hes def a big brother to all of us remind you to have faith in what you havent done yet and what you can do

and then the bit where im just bawling:

Louis:

like all this time and shes beauty i think werent as self explanatory werent as like obvious for me when i was imagining what theyd sound like live and i think steve and the rest of the bandlads(lol?) have done a brilliant job at that. sometimes when youre in your own head even tho you can see the people in front of you and and and in hindsight [this is where shots of rainbow project come in] you can see potentially the importance to it and when youre in your own head that just becomes background noise so ive i tried to be more conscious in the last couple of shows and be more like aware of those things spotting them and really taking them in

like fuck like i imasdf kjdsfamdlwj!?!!?!?!

[miguelsfangservice]

BEYOND THE SPOTLIGHT V

Pairing: Miguel O'hara x F!Famous Idol Reader Warnings: Angst/comfort, fame has caused reader a lot of pressure and insecurities. Summary: It doesn't matter he's at HQ trying to keep the multiverse afloat, your face, your voice, your smile and laugh follows him everywhere. No, he is not losing it (yet); it's just that it’s kind of inevitable when most spiders under his command are... how did Gwen called it? Ah-staning you? Well, he can't really complain, it's his girlfriend, after all.

PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V

The days after the whole drama with Ashley are nothing but a PR nightmare, everyone gets slandered and just a whole war has started in comment sections all over social media; Miguel tries to distract you by trying to make you go to the HQ with him, but you are hell bent on staying home and, eventually, giving up and reading comments online about the hiatus your company announced just hours after the incident.

Most people are blaming the company, but many others go straight for your throat; and they attack the biggest insecurities you had since you decided to leave the group for a while and go solo.

Some of the girls that used to be your teammates reach out and try to comfort you, cursing Ashley under their breath and trying to make you feel better about the whole ordeal.

But nor Miguel’s or their words work to make you feel ok.

There’s a few comments that catch your eye while having breakfast with Miguel one morning a few weeks after the announcement:

<<Looks like #Y/N couldn't handle the pressure after all. Always thought she was just riding on the coattails of the group. Solo career? More like solo failure.>>

<< It's sad to see #Y/N crash and burn like this. Guess she wasn't as talented as she thought she was. #SoloFlopped #Embarrassing.>>

 “Cielo…”

Another one, with about a thousand likes says:

<<Who does #Y/N think she is, anyway? Leaving the group was the biggest mistake of her life. Now she's just another idol desperately trying to stay relevant. #Pathetic #GroupWasBetterWithoutHer>>.

You try to keep scrolling, tears pooling around your eyes. Miguel notices right away, he could see you getting pale and quiet while staring at the holographic display on your wrist.

He puts his hand on top of it, blocking whatever you were reading from you.

“You need to stop” he whispers. “Reading idiotic comments online won’t help”.

You nod, not looking at him, feeling a mix of emotions swirling within you; from sadness, to anger, to defeat and some bitterness towards Miguel. But the rational part of you and, above all, the love you have for him has been keeping you from lashing out on Miguel.

He’s been postponing his Spiderman things to hang up with you at home, but every time he had to leave the room to receive a call from his comrades you knew he was needed, which made you feel a bit guilty.

“You’re right” you put your hand on top of his. “It’s just hard not to… it feels like there’s an itch in my brain and the only way I can alleviate is by reading all that”.

Just when he is about to reply, someone starts calling him; Miguel curses, taps something on his watch and mutters ‘sorry’.

“Miggy, you need to get out of those pajamas and go be a hero”

“It’s fine, I­- Peter’s got everything under control”.

“That thing has been blowing up for the past few days; he may have it under control but maybe he needs a hand, love”

Miguel hangs his head a bit, defeated.

“This is my fault and I don’t know how to fix it”

“If you want to help me, I just need your support and trust on whatever decision I make” you try not to sound angry at him, but there’s probably an edge to your voice that he notices, because he lets go of your hand and tenses. “That’s what I need from you, Miggy; I know that even with what happened back at the company you were just trying to help, but I think what I need the most right now is you supporting me, even from afar while you help save the day.”

Miguel’s expression softens as he listens to your words, but still with a pang of guilt stabbing at his heart. He knows he hasn't been handling things perfectly; Miguel is aware his sanity is constantly hanging by a tread and that seeing you struggling with the pressure and schedule was just too much.

"I'm sorry” he murmurs, reaching out to cup your face gently. "I've been so focused on trying to fix things that I forgot to just be there for you, I guess I forget I don’t have to intervene on everything..."

You nod, a small smile tugging at your lips. "You have your hands full with several universes, you don’t need to carry my problems too, you know?"

Miguel nods, his eyes reflecting a mixture of relief and gratitude. "Thank you for understanding, cielo. But please know that I'm here for you, always. Even if I can't fix everything, I'll do my best to support you… without making another scene, I hope."

You lean into his touch, feeling a sense of reassurance wash over you. "I know you will, Miggy. And just knowing that you're here for me means the world, with a dramatic scene at my job and all."

In comfortable silence, the weight of the world seems to lift off your shoulders, if only for a moment. You find solace in Miguel's presence, grateful for his unwavering support. But despite the temporary reprieve, you know that the battle against the hurtful comments and relentless pressure is far from over; when he leaves to save the world, you’ll stay at the apartment with no one to stop you from reading, to keep you from your own negative thoughts.

“You should come with me today.” Miguel suddenly breaks the silence, he walks to your bathroom and opens the faucet. “I know you refused the last hundred times I asked but… I really would help you to meet them, it will take your mind away from all that”.

The idea of accompanying him to the headquarters has crossed your mind before, but the thought of facing the other spiders and being surrounded by the chaos of his world always filled you with anxiety; sneaking into the HQ had felt safer.

 You already did not feel good enough for your world, much less for a world full of superhumans.

But now, as you look at Miguel coming out of the bathroom with his face wet from washing it, a hopeful yet hesitant expression, you find yourself considering his suggestion. Maybe, just maybe, it could be a welcomed distraction from the constant onslaught of negative comments and thoughts.

Taking a deep breath, you finally nod, a small smile playing at your lips. "Okay, Miggy. I'll go with you today."

Miguel's eyes light up with genuine joy, a light you are sure no one has seen in years… only you. He is suddenly crossing the room to pull you into a tight embrace. "Thank you, cielo. I promise, it'll be good for both of us. But if they don’t let you breath you just need to tell me and I’ll…"

“Make a scene?”

He groans, embarrassed and you can’t help but laugh at his slightly rose tinted cheeks.

As you cling to him, a sense of relief washes over you. Maybe stepping out of your comfort zone and facing the world outside your apartment is exactly what you need right now.

❃❃❃❃

Every time you step into the HQ you can’t help but gawk at what Miguel has built. And you always get a sense of warmth in your heart, knowing he has people that goes through the same things he goes through…things that you can’t fully understand, no matter how much you want to; so it’s good he can go to his friends when you can’t help him with stuff like this.

This time, you enter the HQ without hiding, you go through the lobby and, just as you thought not everyone here would know who you are, you see in the corner of your eye, a Spiderman saying something to another one, looking directly at you, which has others doing the same.

You want to lower your head, a little embarrassed but as you are about to do it, you look at Miguel.

He always holds his head high, no matter what. And you notice how different he looks in this context, with all this amazing super heroes looking up to him and his leadership; even with the whole Miles fiasco, he was able to amend his bad choices and regain his peoples trust.

Seeing him walk proud around the place he has built with blood, sweat and tears makes you feel a bit better.

If Miguel can walk proudly, so can you. Specially while you are by his side.

As you continue walking, more super heroes start noticing and you can see some of them reacting like just regular fans; it’s cute seeing the lenses on their suits doing a half moon downturn, indicating their smiles.

Feeling a surge of determination, you straighten your posture and walk alongside Miguel with newfound confidence. Despite the curious glances and whispered conversations happening around you, you hold your head high, mirroring Miguel's unwavering pride.

As you make your way through the HQ, you can't help but marvel at the incredible diversity of the so called “Spider-Verse”. Each superhero you pass exudes strength and resilience, their unique abilities a testament to the countless battles they've fought to protect their respective universes. And, obviously, you can’t forget but admire their suits and gadgets you know they must make with all the love and care of the world.

“You got quite a few fans around here, you know?” he murmurs in your ear as he swings with you in his arms around the place; you make the mistake of looking down, it makes you dizzy and you have to press your body tighter to his, Miguel chuckles. “It all began with Hobie and then Miles spread your music here like wildfire.”

“Kids got a good a taste” you say smugly, but with a pink tint in your cheeks. It’s good to know that you got some support.

"And they have excellent taste indeed," Miguel agrees, his voice filled with pride. "But then again, how could they not be fans of yours? Your music has a way of touching people's hearts, no matter what universe they're from."

“Miguel, you adorable sap” You hear Peter yell behind you. Miguel groans and rolls his eyes. “Hello, miss. Nice to see you again.”

“Hi, Mr. Parker” you reply with a smile.

Peter makes a fake wounded sound. “Please, please no “Mister”, makes me feel old”

“That’s because you are” Miguel tells him just when you finally land on the hallway leading to Miguels office, you keep walking alongside him, but much closer when you start seeing all the anomalies in their respective cages. Some of them eye you up and down, as if you were the prey. If they were to break free, you know you would be. “Now we need to get to work, Parker.”

“Everything is under control; you shouldn’t be back from your days off so soon”

“If everything is under control why Jess wont’s stop sending messages and calling? So has Margo.” Miguel counters, his tone serious.

Before Peter can respond, an urgent message comes through on Miguel's communicator. His expression shifts, a mixture of concern and determination crossing his features. "We've got trouble," he says, glancing at you. "A Venom anomaly has been detected. I need to go with the others to check it out."

You nod, understanding the gravity of the situation. "Be careful," you tell him, squeezing his hand reassuringly. Your heart starts beating up fast; Miguel has told you a few things about the type of things he fights, so you are aware of how dangerous a venom anomaly can be.

Miguel nods, his gaze lingering on you for a moment before he turns to Peter. "Keep an eye on things her, Parker. We'll be back soon."

With that, Miguel rushes off, leaving you and Peter standing in the hallway, the weight of the impending danger hanging heavy in the air.

“Are you hungry?” Peter asks, trying to sound cheery again, but you can sense his concern. “There’s some really juicy ‘Migueburgers’ in the cafeteria”

“…Migue-what?”

[misqnon]

"with him?" for the wip game def not just bc i want a future chapter teaser 🤭 👀

grins evilly...this is from a future Future chapter (chapter 8) but ive been itching to show it to someone

“It wasn’t the same. Usopp chose to leave. I had no other choice. You have no idea how much I wanted to go home to the Sunny.” He says, and Zoro’s surprised to hear the cook’s voice break. Sanji’s not an unemotional hardass- he’s seen the man blubber plenty, but never to him. 

Zoro stands his ground, though gears are turning in his head. “You still didn’t put your trust in Luffy, cook.” The nickname almost sounds soft, for once. “You know how he is. He could have turned it around somehow, even without you agreeing to the wedding.”

“I tried not to agree at first.” Sanji says, raising glassy eyes to glare at him. “It wasn’t just the crew they were holding over my head, jackass. They were going to kill Zeff. They were going to take down the Baratie. They said they’d- Fuck, why am I even telling you all this? It’s not like you’re going to change your stubborn-ass mind.”

“I don’t see why we had to talk about it in the first place. It’s all in the past, what happened happened. What about now?”

“What about now?” Sanji asks, balling his fists. “Now, because of all that bullshit, I’m losing my mind! Do you even know why I asked you to kill me, Zoro!?”

“No. And I don’t need to know.”

“Well too fucking bad. It’s because I thought I’d kicked a woman. I thought I’d split her head open, and when I came to my senses she was looking at me, terrified- and bleeding, and-” He pinches the bridge of his nose, fumbling for that cigarette in his pocket from earlier. “And-my body- it’s-”

He pulls out his lighter again, and it flick, flick, flickers- until he spikes it into the ground and lights his foot aflame to light the damn thing instead. The gold mermaid figure makes a loud shink against the road, bouncing up and skidding a few feet away.

“I need to still be able to trust you to do that. I still need you to kill me if you have to.” Sanji says, urgently. 

Zoro fixes his gaze to him. “I don’t back down from my word.”

“Even if you, what, fall in love with me?”

“Yes. Even then.”

“Bullshit! I asked you because I knew you were the one person on the crew I could trust to not only pull it off, but do it without doubting yourself. This throws a wrench in all of that!”

“It doesn’t.” Zoro insists, nearly a growl. “If you lose your mind, I’ll kill you. I swore. But you’re delusional if you think I’m gonna let you lose your mind that easily.”

Zoro’s convictions and his contradictions make Sanji dizzy. The anger spinning in his chest- fuck, what did it even start out as?- it’s gripping him and the smoke in his lungs isn’t doing anything to calm it. 

“You can’t just wait until the worst of it, Zoro. I need you to nip it in the bud.”

Zoro, who’s been fairly steely calm in comparison, finally balls his fist into Sanji’s shirt, yanking him forward with a growl. “Why are you so desperate to die, huh!? You have no drive to live for yourself, only to make yourself useful to others. It’s humiliating. Don’t you have any pride!?”

“Don’t you think you have too much!?” Sanji screams, gripping Zoro’s suit back just as hard. “I don’t understand your bullshit confidence or your fucking- hypocritical hero complex, sacrificing yourself for the crew almost every battle and then coming at me for trying to do the same!”

“It’s not the same-!” Zoro snarls, and Sanji cuts him off before he can explain.

“It isn’t, mosshead!? Then how come almost every single battle leaves you half-dead, more injured than any of us- even Luffy!? How come every loss has you training yourself to death in the crow’s nest like it’s all your fault it happened!?”

That seems to hit a nerve. “I’m tired of trying to explain myself to you- Clearly all you wanna do is wallow in your own self pity.” Zoro hisses.

Sanji sees red. “You just don’t wanna admit your self-esteem issues are just as glaring as mine, you ‘honorable’ prick.”